#Maybe that should also be one of my writing tags
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crwbannwen · 2 days ago
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I was writing this in the tags but I have too much to say.
So this absolutely. Don’t unwelsh my Mari Lwyd please and thank you
BUT I’d like to add some more:
As someone completely guilty of using the phrase ‘Welsh rap battle’ over pwnco. It’s because it’s one, a joke phrase I used to use even before it became more widely recognised, and two a more understandable concept I can explain to people without boring them with rhyme and meter.
I love my rhyme and meters, so trust me I knew how the pwnco worked when I use this phrase. I like saying ‘Welsh Rap Battle’ because I think it’s funny and emphasises how cool and charming I find my own cultural tradition to an English speaking person who wouldn’t know the tradition. It’s good to alter your language for people’s ease of understanding, it’s unfortunate that the joke caught on to people who don’t understand the pwnco. (And there is a limit to changing your language: it eventually does become altering something important too much for someone’s benefit).
I will also note here, while I use the phrase ‘Welsh rap battle’ to reinforce that I like the tradition, I also know people who were ashamed of the culture and tradition and used that phrase to make fun of the dead singing horse (same issue with Scots being called a dialect: cultural shame is a big issue in Wales even if we don’t think it is). Now the tradition is being reclaimed I doubt those people still see it as something to be ashamed of. But it’s something to keep in mind when using that phrase. Intentions do vary.
But my main point I wanted to adress:
Dysgais i Cymraeg fel iaith yn ail felly dw i ddim yn siarad cymraeg yn digon rhugl i fyrfyfyrio pwnco. Dw i’n gallu creu cerdd gydag amser ond beth am y bobl (cymreig) sydd ddim yn gallu siarad cymraeg o gwbl?
So while we don’t want to remove the Welsh from our tradition, we definitely don’t want to make the tradition inaccessible to our own people.
Learning a language is difficult. The education system sucks. Welsh second language a level is torture (I’d know, I did it. Average AS result in my class was a U, it was that awful). And not everyone has the means or the opportunity to learn Welsh so we should take care never to ostracise our own people. It’s more than unfortunate that we don’t all have a good grasp on the language. So having a set Cân-y-Fari that non-speakers or dysgwyr can learn and recite helps to both immerse them in Welsh and includes them in their own culture. Same with having art or an aesthetic. Maybe you can’t speak Welsh: but you can draw. That gives you a way to celebrate your culture still and I think that’s awesome. Even in English I couldn’t improvise a poem with a strict meter. The actual tradition of the Mari Lwyd is a seemingly unattainable level of fluency to most dysgwyr.
Obviously this still needs to coexist with the original Welsh tradition (not necessarily art though, if it’s a drawing of a Mari Lwyd then it’s a drawing of a Mari Lwyd. In my opinion art doesn’t need words unless the artist wants to add words). Traditions do change and that isn’t always a bad thing. In this case it’s not something we want to do, but it’s something we need to consider doing in order to help the non-Welsh speakers and dysgwyr be included in their culture.
There is an even larger issue here to be addressed with how we treat our own people as not ‘Welsh’ enough. Especially people who have mixed heritage. There’s a big racism issue that I could unpack here as well where non-white welsh students are made not to feel Welsh enough to deserve to be involved in welsh culture. Which should not happen. Similarly with half English Welshies. We need to stop treating ourselves like we aren’t Welsh enough; it only hurts us to be denied by our own people.
And as for Krampus comparisons, I bonded with a German friend over our different but similarly unique cultural Christmas traditions so I think that’s good too. I guess it’s the simplification of it that’s the problem
So I hate how the Mari Lwyd has been ‘de-welshed’. But personally, the ability for all of Welsh people to have access to it also needs to be considered in this discourse.
Still if the tradition completely shifted to English I would be so livid.
Edit: forgot to say, while I know the Mari Lwyd isn’t a cryptid, it is a cultural creature and I see no issue with people using that aspect of the tradition as a way to connect to it. The tradition isn’t only changing, it’s expanding. We just have to make sure it doesn’t drown out the original tradition
The thing with the Mari Lwyd, though, is that it's being... I don't know, 'appropriated' is the wrong word, but certainly turned into something it isn't.
Thing is, this is a folk tradition in the Welsh language, and that's the most important aspect of it. I feel partly responsible for this, because I accidentally became a bit of an expert on the topic of the Mari Lwyd in a post that escaped Tumblr containment, and I clearly didn't stress it strongly enough there (in my defence, I wrote that post for ten likes and some attention); but this is a Welsh language tradition, conducted in Welsh, using Welsh language poetic forms that are older than the entire English language, and also a very specific sung melody (with a very specific first verse; that's Cân y Fari). It is not actually a 'rap battle'. It's not a recited poem. It is not any old rhyme scheme however you want.
It is not in English.
Given the extensive and frankly ongoing attempts by England to wipe out Welsh, and its attendant cultural traditions, the Mari is being revived across Wales as an act of linguistic-cultural defiance. She's a symbol of Welsh language culture, specifically; an icon to remind that we are a distinct people, with our own culture and traditions, and in spite of everyone and everything, we're still here. Separating her from that by removing the Welsh is, to put it mildly, wildly disrespectful.
...but it IS what I'm increasingly seeing, both online and in real world Mari Lwyd festivals. She's gained enormous pop-culture popularity in recent years, which is fantastic; but she's also been reduced from the tradition to just an aesthetic now.
So many people are talking/drawing about her as though she's a cryptid or a mythological figure, rather than the folk practice of shoving a skull on a stick and pretending to be a naughty horse for cheese and drunken larks. And I get it! It's an intriguing visual! Some of the artwork is great! But this is not what she is. She's not a Krampus equivalent for your Dark Christmas aesthetic.
I see people writing their own version of the pwnco (though never called the pwnco; almost always called some variant on 'Mari Lwyd rap battle'), and as fun as these are, they are never even written in the meter and poetic rules of Cân y Fari, much less in Welsh, and they never conclude with the promise to behave before letting the Mari into the house. The pwnco is the central part to the tradition; this is the Welsh language part, the bit that's important and matters.
Mari Lwyd festivals are increasingly just English wassail festivals with a Mari or two present. The Swansea one last weekend didn't even include a Mari trying to break into a building (insert Shrek meme); there was no pwnco at all. Even in the Chepstow ones, they didn't do actual Cân y Fari; just a couple of recited verses. Instead, the Maris are just an aesthetic, a way to make it look a bit more Welsh, without having to commit to the unfashionable inconvenience of actually including Welsh.
And I don't really know what the answers are to these. I can tell you what I'd like - I'd like art to include the Welsh somewhere, maybe incorporating the first line of Cân y Fari like this one did, to keep it connected to the actual Welsh tradition (or other Welsh, if other phrases are preferred). I'd like people who want to write their version of the pwnco to respect the actual tradition of it by using Cân y Fari's meter and rhyme scheme, finishing with the promise to behave, and actually calling it the pwnco rather than a rap battle (and preferably in Welsh, though I do understand that's not always possible lol). I'd like to see the festivals actually observe the tradition, and include a link on the booking website to an audio clip of Cân y Fari and the words to the first verse, so attendees who want to can learn it ahead of time. I don't know how feasible any of that is, of course! But that's what I'd like to see.
I don't know. This is rambly. But it's something I've been thinking about - and increasingly nettled by - for a while. There's was something so affirming and wonderful at first about seeing the Mari's climb into international recognition, but it's very much turned to dismay by now, because she's important to my endangered culture and yet that's the part that everyone apparently wants to drop for being too awkward and ruining the aesthetic. It's very frustrating.
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cameronwillow · 1 day ago
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Rafe Cameron is not a rapist.
I’m sure you’ve all seen posts like this but I’m gonna add to it.
It is absolutely no secret that I like writing dark fiction. I’ve written it for years, engaged with dark kinks and I’ve even posted educational material for others. I have written non-con before. So I fully know the difference in these topics and terms.
This isn’t a post saying “Don’t write it.” You’re gonna do what you want, even I have written it before and some have probably found a few pieces I’ve written to be too dark.
But I am truly tired of seeing Rafe Cameron, who never sexually assaulted anyone, to be written as such. Notice how I didn’t excuse anything he did? No I didn’t. He did murder someone. He did try to kill his sister. He was a bully. And he’s still not a nice person.
He’s complex. He was written to be a layered person.
JJ Maybank is also a complex character who has dark instincts. If he was given the opportunity, he would have done violent acts as well. Maybe even worse.
Rape isn’t a kink. If anything in fiction, it’s a fantasy. But Rafe Cameron NEVER did that or even ATTEMPTED to. This is completely not his character. And logically, “oh well he killed someone he would also-“ No because if that were true, he would have done it in the show. That’s just common sense.
If you’re gonna write him behaving that way, then tag it as it is. An AU of rape. Yes I’m using the actual word because that’s what it is.
Yeah this is full shaming. And I’m saying it with my whole chest as someone who writes dark fics, has written non-con and has watched OBX multiple times.
Rafe Cameron never fucking RAPED anyone or would have. If anything he would be a victim of it himself.
If this feels personal, then maybe you should check yourself and really make sure your content is labeled. And hidden so no one has to see things that could trigger them.
As someone who’s been sexually assaulted multiple times, I get why it’s written and read. So remember that before anyone tries to say, “Well some victims use it to cope.” Yeah I know I am a victim.
Do better.
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littlespacereader · 2 days ago
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Merry Christmas!!💚❤️🎅🎄🎁
Happy Holidays everyone! Thank you to everyone who voted on the Christmas fic idea. I really hope you enjoy this fic! I wrote a lot more than I was expecting but I couldn’t stop myself, I truly fell in love with writing this story! Thank you for an amazing year! I hope you, your friends, family and loved ones have a great holiday season! - Clara💞
Blues Clues Christmas💙🐾
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Caregiver! Steve Burns & GN Little! Reader (SFW!)
Tags- Christmas fluff, hand holding, being picked up, forehead kisses, searching for clues, dog licks, and typical blues clues fluff!
My eyes start to flutter open to a frosty Christmas Eve morning. Wait… ITS CHRISTMAS EVE!!! I jump up and look outside and it’s still snowing!!!
I turn and shake Steve to wake up, “Steve!! Steve!! It’s Christmas Eve!!”
I hear him chuckling before he stretches, starting to wake up. “Someone’s excited for Christmas.”
“I am! I can’t wait to-.” I’m interrupted by Blue, jumping into the bed and licking my face. “Blue! Good morning! Merry Christmas Eve!”
Blue smiles to me and barks, just as excited for the day ahead. I hold her in my arms, turning as we look to a disheveled Steve sits up in bed.
“You two are wide awake,” he chuckles, “Come on you rascals. Let’s get some Christmas Eve breakfast.”
Blue jumps from my arms and heads towards the kitchen. But before Steve and I go, he leads me to the bathroom first, “Come on little one, let’s get you changed and ready for the big day.”
With a quick pit stop to the bathroom, brushing our teeth, getting changed into our outfits, we set off to the kitchen hand in hand.
“Bonjour Y/N!” Mr. Salt comes to the edge of the countertop.
“Good morning Steve!” Mrs. Pepper joins him.
“Good morning!” I say to put, taking a seat at the table next to Blue.
Steve grabs a cup of tea for himself and a sippy cup of fruit juice for me. Then we settle in and have a small breakfast together with Blue and the spice family.
“So what’s the plan today Steve?” I ask, eager to get our Christmas Eve started.
“Well,” he put his tea cup down, “I was thinking we could stop by and give out invitations to Christmas, maybe some cooking…”
“Leave the cooking to us.” Mrs. Pepper winked.
“But what about tonight? The night before Christmas?” I ask again.
But this time it’s Blue’s turn. She barks and spins around before putting a blue paw print on the table.
Steve and I gasp. “BLUE’S CLUES!!!”
“That’s a great idea Blue!” Steve smiles, “We’ll play Blues Clues to see what we should do tonight after dinner.”
“So we need to keep our eyes out for three clues!” I cheer from across the table.
“Yes! And I have a very important job for you Y/N.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out his handy dandy notebook. “I want you to be in charge of my notebook today.”
I’m speechless taking the notebook carefully. I stare at it in disbelief, “Y-You want me to hold onto it?”
“Sure! I could use your help today finding all of Blue’s clues. Are you up to the task my little sidekick?” He winks.
“Yes!! Yes!! A million times yes!!” I almost jump from my seat.
“Then let’s starts our adventure!” Steve finishes his tea and I finish my juice before we set out to the living room.
“Alright. Now on top of finding Blue’s clues, we also have to give out our Christmas invitations. We have three stops.”
He holds out the cards, “One is for Magenta, one is for Josh, and one is for Joe. We’ll need to make sure we stop at everyone’s house so they know they’re invited tomorrow. I’ll have you be in change of holding onto the cards.”
He hands me them and I look at the cards in awe, “You want me to be in charge of the cards too?”
“Of course! I know you can do it! But if you’re feeling overwhelmed or like it’s too much responsibility, you let me know okay?” He reassures.
“I will but, I’ve got it.” I smile back to him.
“I knew I could trust you! Now, let’s head out.” He goes to open the door but I stop him smiling, “Steve wait.”
“What’s wrong little one?”
“We need our coats, hats and gloves.”
With a small gasp he nods, “You’re so right. How could I be so silly? You’re so smart!” He praises. “Let’s get our winter gear.”
“First we’ll put on our coat…” he puts on his green stripped coat that matches his usual shirt. He turns and grabs my coat, helping me put each arm in the sleeves, then zipping it right up.
“Great. Next we’ll put on our hats…” he grabs his green hat and puts it on, then does the same for me. “Comfy?” He asks getting a nod from me.
“Finally we’ll put on our mittens.” A green pair for him of course, then a pair for me. “Let me see their hands.” He waves his hands up like crazy, I giggle and follow suit.
“Alright! Looks like we’re all set. But first, do we need anything else before we leave? A snack, a quick trip to the bathroom?”
I pause, thinking it over. “Bathroom?” I say shy.
“Good idea. Let’s make a quick stop before we go.” He takes my mitten hand in his mitten hand, heading back to our bed room. After taking care of business, we’re right back to it!
“Okay! Are you all set? Ready for our Christmas Adventure?” He smiles.
“Yes! Let’s find out what Blue wants to do tonight after dinner!” I squeeze his hand.
“Great! Let’s go!”
~~~
We step outside to our frosty front yard. It snowed a few days ago and everything still looked so beautiful, like a winter wonderland.
We leave our little yellow house and start walking down the street, saying hi to those who pass us. I stick close to Steve, holding his hand as we approach our first stop, Magenta’s house.
“Would you like to ring the bell or would you like me too?” He ask, looking over to me.
“Can you?”
“Of course I can.” He leans forward ringing the bell. We wait maybe a minute before Magenta runs to the door and right over to us.
“Magenta!! So good to see you!” I giggle as she jumps up and licks Steve and I.
We follow after her into the house and find Blue sitting at a coloring table with Magenta. “Oh hi Blue!”
Blue smiles and barks back, but then I see it.
“STEVE! A clue! A clue!!!”
“I know Magenta really flew!”
“No!” I giggle shaking my head to Steve, “A clue!” I point to the blue paw print on the piece of paper.
He gasps. “A clue!! Great job Y/N!! You found our first clue! But…what is it?”
“It’s paper Steve.” I giggle some more. He’s so silly sometimes.
“Ah! You’re so right, it is paper. You know what this means, we need our Handy Dandy…”
“Notebook!” I hold it out for him.
“Notebook! That’s right. Thank you sweet one.”
He takes the notebook, pushing the crayon through the top and flipping to a new page.
“So our first clue is paper. We start by drawing a straight line at the top, then a line down, then another line at the bottom and one up to connect at the top. There, paper!”
He stops and thinks looking over to me, “But what could Blue want to do after dinner tonight with paper?”
“Maybe she wants to draw some more?” I offer.
“Maybe…but we better find more clues to make sure.” We nod together.
“Here,” he hands me the notebook again, “for safe keeping.”
I turn and put the notebook back in my pocket. But then I remember our second mission!
“Magenta!” I grab the invitation from my backpack and hand it to her, “You’re invited over for Christmas tomorrow!”
Magenta lights up running around and barking. She runs over to me and licks me as a thank you. “Oh! You’re welcome! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!” I smile back.
“Alright! You two have fun! We have more invitations to send out!” Steve holds his hand out to me which I gladly take. Together we wave goodbye to Magenta and Blue before leaving.
Then we’re back to it, making our way down the street to the next house. “Uncle Josh!!”
“Yeah! Next is Uncle Josh! I’m sure he’ll very excited to come over.”
We walk up the steps to the blue house which belongs to Josh. “Would you like to do the honors this time?” Steve asks and I quickly nod, reaching forward and ringing the bell.
Soon Josh arrives at the door, his face lighting up to see is. “Y/N! Steve! What a wonderful surprise!”
“Uncle Josh!” I run forward and give him the biggest hug.
“Y/N! It’s so good to see you!!” He wraps his arms around me, hugging me just as tightly. With a kiss to my forehead, we break apart.
I stick close to him, resting against his side. He notices this and wraps an arm around me. “So what brings you two here?”
“We’re looking for Blue’s Clues!” Steve replied.
Josh gasp, “Special Christmas Eve Blue’s Clues! This must really be important!”
“Have you see any around?” I ask.
“Not that I know of but-.” He looks around, “maybe another set of eyes could help!”
He takes my hand in his, leading me into his living room with Steve following behind.
“Actually I could use the two of yours help.” Papers laid all over his living room.
“You see, there was a mistake at the print shop and now all of my stories are messed up. Can you help me tell which is the real story.”
“Yeah!” I bounce beside him.
Josh smiles, squeezing my hand, “Great! Okay here’s the first one. Is it Little Bo-Peep lost her sheep or her cows?”
Steve and I think for a moment. Then it hits me, “It’s her sheep!”
“Ohhhhh.” Josh and Steve say in unison. “You’re right! It is her sheep!”
Josh smiles back, “Good job Y/N!” He puts the paper in a pile. “Okay here’s the next one, Little blue or red ridding hood?”
Again, we all stop and take a moment to think. “Red or blue…red or blue…” Steve says to himself.
“Red!” I chime in.
The two again, look in awe of me. “You’re right! It’s Little Red Riding Hood. Amazing Job!” Josh praises some more, putting the paper in the pile.
“Alright! Last one, Old MacDonald had a mansion or a farm?” Josh reads the papers.
Again, we all take our time to think it over.
“I’ve got this one!” Steve chimes in, “But…just to be sure, what do you think Y/N?”
“I think it’s a farm!”
“I think so too!” Steve cheers on.
“Great job you guy!! You helped me put my stories back together!”
I cheer us on but then pause as my eyes hit upon Josh’s pile of stories. He must’ve seen it at the same time as me because Josh and I turn and look at each other at the same time.
“A clue!!” We say in unison.
“A clue?! Where?” Steve leans over.
“On the stack of stories.” Josh points out.
“So our next clue is a story…” I think.
“You know what this means, we need our Handy…Dandy….” Steve smirks.
“Notebook!!” I hold it up.
“Wow!! Steve let you hold his notebook! He must really trust you Y/N! What a big honor!” Josh praises me making me blush.
“Thank you.” I smile, handing the notebook to Steve.
He takes the crayon out and flips to the next page. “So our next clue is…stories. We’ll make a square with some squiggly lines in the center for writings. Then we’ll repeat this on the other side so we have two pages. There! A story!”
Steve lifts his head and looks to Josh and I. “But what could Blue want to do tonight after dinner with paper and a story?”
The three of us sit and think for a minute. “Oh!” Josh suddenly says “Maybe she wants to make her own stories!”
“Ohhhhhh.” Steve and I say in unison.
“But we better find the last clue, just to be sure.” I remind them as Steve hands me his notebook back.
“Definitely!” Josh smiles.
Mail time! Mail time! MAAAAAAIIIIILLLLLL TTTTIIIIIIMMMMEEEEE!
Steve and I gasp! “The mail is here!!”
Before we run out the door I stop, grabbing my backpack and pulling out Josh’s invitation. “Here Josh! It’s your invitation to Christmas tomorrow at our house.”
“Really?! I’d love to go! I’ll see you then Y/N.” With one last hug from Josh, I’m sent off with Steve back home for the mail!
We put our stuff down by the front door as Steve starts to sing, “Here’s the mail, it never fails, it makes want to wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail, mmmmaaaaiiilll!!!”
I giggle, joining Steve on the mmmaaaiiilll part.
We take out seats on the thinking chair. Steve in the center of the chair while I sit on the arm. Mailbox comes in through the window with a Christmas hat on.
“Mail’s here! Mail’s here!!” He happily cheers.
“I thought the post office is closed on holidays?” I ask Mailbox.
“It is! That’s very smart of you Y/N. The post office is closed on major holidays, but this arrived this morning for the two of you.” He opens up and inside of a red and green letter.
“We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter, wonder who it’s from.” Steve smiles, opening the letter. He pauses and gasps, looking at me. “It’s from Santa.”
My eyes widen and I gasp as well, “SANTA?!”
“Yes! It says:
Dear Steve, Blue and Y/N,
You’ve all been very good this year. I look for to visiting your house tonight. Make sure not to stay up too late and please leave out some milk and cookies if you can.
Sincerely yours,
Santa Claus❤️”
I beam with excitement. “Santa’s coming tonight!!!!”
“Yes he is! We need to figure out what Blue wants to do tonight so we get to bed at a good hour and don’t accidentally see Santa Claus.”
Just as Steve says that Blue runs by. “Follow that dog!” I giggle, grabbing my backpack by the door and running after her.
“Wait up Y/N!” Steve calls after me.
Blue stops in front of a picture of Joe’s present shop. She barks a cute little song before she…goes into the picture?!?! I stare in disbelief.
“Where’s Blue?” Steve asks catching up.
“She…she’s in the picture.”
“Ohhhh she skidooed into the photo.”
“Skidoo?”
“Yeah! We can do it too! All you have to do is rock your leg and arms with me. Ready?” I nod following his lead.
“Blue skidooed we can too!” Suddenly we shrink and go into the picture frame!! Where once we were in our house, now we’re in the picture, or more specifically, outside Uncle Joe’s present shop.
“Wow!!” I smile to Steve, “That was awesome!”
“Isn’t it?” He smiles back. We turn and look to the present shop. “It’s my brother Joe’s present shop!”
“He’s the last invitation we need to hand out!”
“You’re right! Let’s head in and see what he’s up to.”
Inside the present shop was busy! Presents being wrapped and sent in all sorts of directions. Joe usually helps Santa out with the wrapping this time of year and it seems like this year was no different!
There, in the center of it all is Joe, making sure everything is in working order.
“Uncle Joe!!” I run into the shop and right over to him.
He immediately lights up seeing me, opening his arms and holding me in a tight hug. “Y/N!! Sweetheart!! It’s so good to see you!!”
He lifts me into his arms, holding me on his hip. “What brings you here today?”
“Well we’re on the hunt for Blue’s Clues.” Steve says as he joins us.
“Special Christmas Eve Blue’s Clues huh? What have you got so far?”
“We’ve got paper and stories.”
“Paper and stories…” Joe starts to think, “Now I wouldn’t want to say anything until you have the third clue, but…have you thought about maybe Blue want to make her own stories?”
“That’s what Uncle Josh said!”
“Really? So he copying me now?” Joe smirks.
“You’re copying him silly!” I giggle.
“Am I now? Am I?” He spins me around making me giggle more.
“How are the presents coming by?” Steve asks.
“Everything is going according to schedule. Santa should be ready to head out as soon as tonight!”
Suddenly my eyes catches something, I look closer and it’s….
“A clue!! A clue!!”
“A clue?!” Josh and Steve say in unison. “Where?”
“There!” I point to the square box cutter. “It’s a clue!!”
The two gasp, “You’re right Y/N! It’s one of Blue’s clues!! Good eye.” Joe praises
“The final clue is a square!” Steve examines the clue.
“Notebook!” I hold it out to Steve.
“Our handy dandy notebook! Thank you Y/N.”
“You’re holding Steve’s notebook? That’s such a big honor. Steve must really trust you.” He praises.
I beam with happiness, “Yeah! It’s a big honor.”
“So, the shape of a square. We’ll make one line at the top and equal size lines going down the sides and one at the bottom. There, a square.” Steve explains, showing the two of us the drawing.
“It’s our last clue!!” I cheer.
“Our last clue?! You know that that means, it’s time for our thinking chair!!” Steve cheers.
Joe sets be back down but before Steve and I go I stop and grab my backpack. “Uncle Joe! I almost forgot!”
I hand him the invitation, “You’re in over for Christmas tomorrow!”
“I am!” He looks at the invitation, “I’d be honored. I’ll see you tomorrow kiddo.”
I take Steve’s hand and wave goodbye to Joe. Once out of his present shop we skidoo back to our house. Then it’s off to the thinking chair!
Steve and I sit in our thinking chair. I hand him the notebook and we start to go over our clues. “So now that we’re in our thinking chair, let’s think. What does Blue want to do tonight after dinner? What was the first clue?”
“Paper!”
“That’s right! We saw the clue at Magenta’s house. But…what was the second clue?”
“Stories!”
“Yes! We saw the stack of stories at Josh’s house.”
“And the final clue is a square at Uncle Joe’s present shop.”
“So, what does Blue want to do tonight after dinner with paper, stories and a square?”
We sit and think…and think…
“What if…” Steve starts out saying, “she wants to write Christmas cards and put them in a box?”
“But then what would be the clue about stories?”
“Right…you’re so right….” Steve goes back to thinking.
There’s a moment of silence as the two of us think. Blue runs over and joins us as we think and think.
“I’ve got it!!” I suddenly say. Steve and Blue look to me. “She want to read a storybook after dinner! That would explain the paper as pages, the stories in the book and the square shape is the book itself!”
Steve lights up with the realization. We look to Blue who barks and spins around with conformation.
“You did it Y/N! You figure out Blue’s Clues!” He wraps his arms around me and picks me up, bringing me into a tight hug. “You are so incredibly smart! I am so proud of you Little one.”
I giggle and hold him close. “Couldn’t have done it without you Steve.”
“Aw! You’re sweet but I think the smartie here is you.” He smiles back, holding me in his arms.
“Steve! Y/N! Dinner is ready!” Mrs. Pepper calls from the kitchen.
“Oh! It’s dinner time! Come on, let’s go.” Steve carries me into the kitchen where everyone is seated at the big table for Christmas Eve dinner. Everyone is there, side table, slippery soap, the whole spice family, even mailbox.
We all have a nice tasty dinner together. Laughing and having fun with friends and family around.
Then like Blue ask, we all gather in the living room together. First we set out some milk and cookies for Santa along with some carrots for the reindeer.
Steve and I cuddle close together on the couch, Blue in my lap and a Christmas book in his hand. With his arm wrapped around me he begins to read, “‘Twas the night before Christmas…”
Somewhere in the story I fall asleep against Steve. With a kiss to my forehead, he picks me up and brings me into the bedroom.
~~~
It’s Christmas morning!!! I jump awake and shake Steve to wake up. “It’s Christmas morning!! Santa came!!”
Steve laughs and yawns waking up. “Good morning Little one, merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas Steve.” I smile back.
Blue jumps up into the bed and licks the two of us. I giggle, “And merry Christmas to you too Blue!”
We get out of bed and go right to the tree. True to Santa’s letter, we have plenty of presents under the tree!! I gasp, grabbing Steve’s when pulling him along to the tree.
The morning is spent unwrapping and exchanging gifts with everyone in the house. Then company comes over right after. First Magenta runs in and plays with Blue.
Then Josh and Joe come over. “Where’s my favorite Little?” Joe calls from the door. I come run over and reunite with my uncles. “Y/N! Thank you for inviting us!” Josh adds, the two smiling.
The rest of Christmas Day is peacefully and fun. Spent with loved ones and family alike.
“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” Steve wraps his arm around me, kissing my forehead. Blue jumps up and kisses the two of us, ending the best Christmas ever!
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thekittyokat · 8 months ago
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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edenfire · 5 months ago
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💗🏥 Shuake Week- Day 6 - Wound Tending 🏥💗
I've always really liked the idea of goro waking up after the engine room with a bullet wound in the chest. he miraculously survives, and akira has to take him in and tend to him, while hiding him from shido's men😳💦
(also yes, goro is wearing akira's pj pants😌💞)
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gen4grl · 4 months ago
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you would think after all the yapping i do about these losers i would have a plethora of art uploaded … no… so here is my first kantrio post lol
i did these over the last month while watching the olympic weightlifting and jamming to kpop (stan red velvet and kiss of life BTW!!!)
#pokemon#pkmn#trainer red#rival blue#trainer leaf#i made them classy and smoke from a joint idk maybe i should of done the classic aussie teen experience and make them smoke from a water#bottle bong 🤩 red is a massive foodie so ofc he has the multiple options of snacks ready lol my go-to fried food was a capriccosia pizza 😭#i’m always conflicted on the blue smoking hc (just cigarettes yall lol) i often see fanart of professor blue smoking and i see the vision#50/50??? let me ask the audience 🗣️ i think i’m bias cause i am cursed with thinking men who smoke are extremely attractive lmao#there is 100% lore behind that second piece but i am so burnt out and i don’t think it’ll fit in tags lol#also just have a raging fear of sharing anything kantrio related LOL like raging projectile vomiting level anxiety#blue fears repeating the toxic cycles he grew up in but oops he’s doing exactly that in the second piece 🧐#wowzers … as kieran would say lol … i love writing and thinking about blue and his emotional growth over those 3 years red was missing#but hey sometimes something hurts so badly it takes you back to that sad and scared child version of yourself right?#strength to me is like: red >>>>>>> leaf >> blue🤷🏻‍♀️ they technically both canonically beat blue in gamecanon so … my girl is strong sorry#ain’t standing shy timid leaf in this house …#also - despite being acespec myself i didn’t know demi was under the ace umbrella! i think it suits red super well imo :p#pan aswell bc i don’t think he gaf 😭 also shout out to one of my fave pkmn artists kiriato 🫶🏻🤧 i was going through such bad art block and#their work inspired all of these :3 i love their stuff sm espcially their comics 🥹 i drew all of these using their brush sets too!!!#trainer blue#blue pokemon#red pokemon#leaf pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#pokemon frlg#trainer green#rival green#my art <3#kanto au
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hazele-omega · 5 months ago
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Hello Tumblr I present to you a redraw of a piece from 2023, feat. Chaos (NMS avatar character) fighting a corrupted sentinel
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I really liked the concept of the original piece and figured I should give it another shot now that I have Lighting Skills...
Original/comparison under cut
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redbootsindoriath · 8 months ago
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Apparently in my absence this post had its 1000-notes-iversary.
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This time we get to see the culprit responsible for ruining our heroes' lives as well.
I've really missed you guys, by the way. I know I've said that already, but I'm serious. Once or twice this year I've been right on the brink of coming back but schedule stuff always keeps me from letting myself commit to that again, and that in turn has kept me from posting anything at all. But I've been in an unexpected drawing mood lately and so if I can get enough stuff to set up a queue we might pretend I'm back for a month or so sometime this year. Maybe. Hopefully. We'll see. No promises though. That's why I'm hiding this paragraph under the cut.
Transcription:
[Beren:] "Uhhh...barkeep...I think he's had enough now..." [Tolkien:] "No, I don't think he has...!"
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dustykneed · 7 months ago
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Hello! Random whipper snipper! Share a WIP of your work!
ooh, with pleasure. six the musical araleyn fanart? in the year 2k24? more likely than you think xDD
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i realize this looks finished, but technically i'm still deciding whether to add a background or not lol. still, for the sake of sharing a proper WIP, here's a line or two from an araleyn brainworm WIP that i started reworking yesterday (mild tw for religious guilt and period-typical internalized homophobia from aragon's pov):
She remembers sharing her bed with Anne at Henry's behest, remembers the nights of tossing and turning and trying not to think about Anne asleep next to her-- remembers waking up to dark hair spilling across her pillow and the press of blood-warm bosoms against her own, softer than sin, as hot as the Devil, remembers lying still as death, mouthing prayers into the heat of Anne's neck like an act of penance.
#six the musical#six the musical fanart#six the musical araleyn#araleyn#araleyn fanart#i... cannot remember if it's fandom custom to use the full name tags#ah so it appears it is in fact fandom custom#catherine of aragon#catalina de aragon#anne boleyn#today we hazard a fleeting glimpse into the abtruse psyche of the dusty...#what other fandoms do they contain? wouldnt you like to know weather boy#well i mean honestly i don't know either but we'll find out as they rotate thru my conciousness#not trek#yeaaah i'm a spones girl (gender neutral) through and through. The more you know#and before you ask no this is not the og old married couple that went so hard i gained a type in ships forever after#though they are pretty up there in my blorbo rotation cycle#... on some level i may be yelling into the void with this one but no harm in that yeah?#but maybe the six fandom isn't as dead as i've been assuming. who knows? this is my self indulgent blog dammit#ill be self indulgent <33#also i keep forgetting it's pride month xDD my straight irls wish me happy pride and im always like OH Right nice yeah#but i haven't drawn these two in so long!! feels so good stretching the old married sapphics muscle again#dust writes#so happy about the vibe in this one ngl! theyre Soft ok. i like that very much. And also this aragon is so my type LMAO#really rambly tonight whoops. but i guess its the closest to a non-art post i can get to keep my page navigable? mm#...dammit now I'm thinking about araleyn in spones' roles. also i REALLY really should study#in hugely dire straits right now yall except i can't stop drawing/writing. whooooops.#sapphic#pride month#dust talks
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sieglinde-freud · 12 days ago
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oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng
#ann plays awakening#EDITING TO SAY I STARTED TAG VENTING HIT READMORE AT YOUR OWN RISK#anyways#LAST LINE IS A KILLERRRR WOW#‘ann werent you just pairing olivia with thar—‘ OLIVIA IS A BUSY WOMAN OKAY#but also i just had this old save file from when i wanted to see pink inigo and decided to get some more supports#im obsessed actually like#ok tag venting time maybe this should be its own post but u guys know who i am#not only does this support in my very educated opinion do a good job at emulating inigo’s way of speaking#but i think theres also a very underrated characteristic he has that not a lot of people talk about and its that hes honestly quite morbid#him spending hours talking to and dancing with his mother’s grave is very beautiful and moving but it is also not a normal way to grieve#which makes sense because duh nothing about his life is normal but its j like. you know#if robin is his father (and maybe j the normal convo i dont remember) in the hot springs scramble he’ll insist upon bringing—#severed risen limbs home as a way to remember the peacefulness (lol) of the springs#and he thinks absolutely nothing of it!!#i think he gets attached to things just a little too intensely and because his life is surrounded by death how he expresses that can be#very interesting. and he talks about death all time more than the other kids#bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain#or sev or yarne or noire)#and how their SCARED of death and of loss and adapt different behaviors to act like theyre not (to varying degrees of success)#i think inigo is much more accepting of the fact that death follows him and has made it a normal presence in his life#which is not a good thing it means that he hasnt let himself grieve. he lets death hang over him and follow him instead of pushing back#also guess which one of the awakening trio in fates has the canonical story death. just by the way lmao#anyways bc im writing this in the tags on my phone i cant actually see what the hell ive been saying im j stream of consciousnessing this#but my point is that inigo has a weird fixation on death and dying that stems from his inability to make peace with death and grieve#and i think him idolizing death in this support (this BRILLIANT fan support that made me ill) is so in character and so lovely#i miss him so bad (hes literally in the photos im posting) grghhhrgah#i wuv him :(
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afterthelambs · 1 month ago
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"Silco didn't create Jinx, you did" lives in my mind rent free because throughout season 1, Vi has been convincing herself that Silco is the obstacle preventing her from getting Powder back. She's traumatized and guilt-ridden. When Vi is traumatized, she simplifies things as a response. She has to believe that getting her sister back is that simple. But when Silco is finally dead, Powder doesn't come back to her. In fact Silco's death is what solidifies Jinx's decision to be Jinx (the complete Jinx aka Jinx + Powder, not the broken version of her that she tried to erase Powder from).
And that's likely why Vi switches on her so quickly. By the time season 2 starts she's fully on board with Piltover wanting to kill Jinx and when she confronts her in ep.3 she says Powder is dead and they're not sisters anymore. Which is wild considering just a few days ago she was reassuring her that they'll always be sisters.
I think Vi meant all of it. At the time she really did want Caitlyn and the enforcers to kill Jinx. But that's because she's still just as traumatized and guilt-ridden as she was before. She can't deal with the fact that Jinx herself is the real reason she can never get Powder back. And as I said, Vi simplifies things as a trauma response. However if they had actually succeeded in killing Jinx, I think Vi would live in regret and self-hatred forever. What someone wants when they're traumatized and hurt is not what they want forever, and Vi does love her sister.
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fellamarsh · 3 months ago
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another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.
see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).
instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!
so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.
now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.
but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?
and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.
now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!
but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??
Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)
(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)
But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).
And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long
#my god the library. darling. beloved. breath of my life and heart of my soul.#i should make a post about her#also. and maybe i'll make a separate post about this at some point too#but i truly think the free serialized webnovel rough draft ala What Manner of Man is The Future#i should probably make a whole separate post about all these novels too tbh.#boutta become Posting Guy. The Guy Who Posts#and writes novels in the tags. but i've always been like that#i never talked about the dream i had where i was emry karic from the lutesong series did i? i totally meant to. fucked up!#so i had a dream where i was emry karic.#I (emry karic) was fleeing a bunch of elves in a forest with my mom and sister (who were fully my irl mom and sister)#they thought i had done a murder and were chasing me (emry karic) with spears and stuff. they almost caught me#but i managed to escape. later i came upon a weird old-timey fantasy carnival.#and for some reason one of the fun attractions at this carnival was A Day in Court#where you watch someone defend themselves in court.#you'll never guess who had to defend himself in court and what the charges were!#notably there were no other characters from the lutesong series involved.#and i also have yet to read any of the books in the lutesong series. emry and his flower crown simply invaded my brain out of nowhere#i thought about turning this post into separate posts or rewriting it or smthn because it's so long and all over the place but#that sort of defeats the whole trying to just post and not be so up my own ass about it that i never actually post thing#so here you go#if you are also someone who struggles or once struggled with reading other people's stuff because of self esteem issues. hi!#we're now spidermen pointing at each other
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atotalpitch · 2 months ago
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i just got a new emotional support turtle plushie i'm so yippee about it
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rainintheevening · 2 months ago
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Hungry to write, not knowing what project to pick and work on.
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when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure
#like I feel like it's conviction. but also when I analyze it... I'm not doing anything sexual??? the stories I'm writing are#ENTIRELY platonic#it's like. found family feels.#but then why do I feel so guilty/convicted over it and feel better/less guilty when I stop writing anything feelsy#like... I guess I'm only allowed to write plot and can't ever write hugs and hurt/comfort anymore#my mom keeps saying I should journal all this instead of venting it at everybody and honestly maybe she's right#idk how to handle this but also I feel like if I just find a holding pattern where I can strike a healthy balance of lile#like* what is correct and healthy for me to enjoy#then the anxiety over it might pass? I don't want to avoid conviction though but like. why am I convicted over#writing a story where someone who's been treated like a monster finds a family who loves them#like.. is it because I'm seeking out whatever that feeling in my lower belly/groin is????#but that's like... so tied up in enjoyment and hurt/comfort to me that idk if I'm ACTUALLY looking for that#or if this is just what I write#and idk if that even is sinful in any way at all!!!#and why can't I just get over this? like I keep going in circles with it and it's so frustrating#idk this is totally tmi I just got hit with this awful feeling after work today and the only thing I can pinpoint it to#is this specific thing I've been writing. but even though yeah I've been getting feelsy with it... it's PLATONIC#ENTIRELY COMPLETELY NONSEXUAL. so like... is it that pleasure feeling that's the thing I'm being convicted over??#probably. bc that's the only thing that eases the feeling of conviction/anxiety/guilt#and also probably no one is reading all these tags lol sorry guys I'll go away now
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grassbreads · 1 year ago
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I’d love to know about Yulma and how important it is to representation in shounen manga
This has been sitting in my askbox for a couple months (because I am incapable of punctuality), but anon sent this to me back when I was talking about Yulma over on my vnc blog. For those unaware, Yulma refers to Yu Kanda and Alma Karma from the manga D.Gray-man.
So the thing is, to be honest, I don't know if you can say Yulma is/was important for representation. They don't tend to get brought up as an example of representation (except by diehard d.gray-man fans like me, lol) in shonen, and their whole thing is complicated enough that I feel like the queerness of it all flies over a lot of people's heads.
However! They're very important to me personally, and I do think it's kind of remarkable their story came out in like 2010. Because even though their queerness gets overlooked a lot, it's like. really there no matter how you interpret it.
The short version of their very complicated story is that Kanda and Alma are a couple who were resurrected into new bodies. Alma was a woman when they were originally together in their past lives, but is physically male in the present. Kanda is still very much in love with them by the end of their story, which, depending on the reading, makes Kanda very bi and/or Alma very trans.
This sound like something you want details on? If so, let's talk about how D.Gray-man's fan favorite edgy badass toughguy character briefly became the star of his very own heart-wrenching tragic queer romance.
Here's a brief crash course in Yu Kanda and Dgm for the uninitiated:
D.Gray-man is a manga about a group of exorcists (in the loosest and most anime sense of the term) in the 1890s fighting a holy war against mechanical demons powered by the souls of the dead. There are two things you need to understand about this plot for me to explain Yulma:
The Black Order, the secret branch of the church that exorcists work for, has a long history of committing horrific human experiments to further the war effort.
Due to complications of world building, only a tiny number of people can become exorcists, and tracking down new ones is extremely difficult.
Yu Kanda is one of the exorcists, and though not the actual main character (that's the lad in my icon), he's a very important secondary character. Arguably he's the most important secobdary character, since he's the main guy's biggest foil and the first character to play deuteragonist in a major story arc. He's also a huge fan favorite. The character popularity polls that Jump used to do always had him and the mc going back and forth over who won #1 most popular.
Kanda was also a classic edgy toughguy character. His first two scenes are him almost murdering the main guy because he thinks he's an intruder, then complaining about people grieving for their friend too loudly. He never smiles. He argues with the righteous mc about wasting time/energy protecting civilians. He threatens (and delivers) violence on anyone that annoys him. He looks like this:
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TLDR; Kanda was an adored-by-fans mean badass archetype in a 2000s shonen manga. Not generally the guy you peg for starring in a piece of queer romantic storytelling.
And for the entirety of the original anime adaptation's 103 episode run, for the first 188ish chapters of the manga, you do not learn a single thing about his early life. You learn he joined the Black Order very young, and you meet the mentor that took him in at that point, but although there are little hints, a couple cryptic mentions of him searching for a certain person, his early origins remain a complete black box.
Then came the Alma Karma arc.
This is the point where I start getting into spoilers.
To make a very long story short, the Alma Karma arc reveals that Kanda is one of the Black Order's human experiments. The Order ran a secret project 9ish years before the start of the series in which they essentially tried to re-use dying exorcists (since finding new ones is so hard). They took the bodies of dying or recently deceased exorcists and harvested their brains, implanting those brains into new magically grown child bodies.
Key to this project—the second exorcist project—is that these newly grown second exorcists were not supposed to remember anything from their previous lives. Kanda, however, recovered a few hazy memories from his past self. Most importantly, he can recall an unclear image of the woman that his past self was in love with. This memory gradually becomes Kanda's reason to live. He wants desperately to find and meet that person.
Now, aside from Kanda, there was one other successfully revived second exorcist. This was a boy named Alma Karma.
Over the course of their brief shared childhood, Kanda and Alma become extremely close. However, due to a series of horrible events that I'll spare you the details of, Alma is eventually driven to murder-suicide. He wants himself and Kanda to die together to spite the Order, and Kanda almost lets him do it.
The one thing that keeps Kanda from letting Alma kill him, the thing that drives him instead to kill Alma, his most beloved and only friend, is that he can't bear to die without finding that woman again.
Have you figured out the twist yet?
9 years later, in the present, Kanda discovers that he didn't actually quite kill Alma. The Order kept Alma secretly half-alive in order to do more dubious experiments. And, more importantly, when they meet again, Kanda discovers the truth. The woman that he's been searching for his whole life, the woman he's in love with, the woman he tried to kill Alma in order to find, was also killed and made into a second exorcist. And her brain was placed into the body of Alma Karma.
After quite a lot more violence and tragedy, Kanda and Alma end their story arc by running away together on their deathbeds. Alma dies, for real this time, in Kanda's arms, and his last words are to tell Kanda he loves him. These words are presented as something Kanda hears from both the boy and woman versions of Alma's soul.
So! At the end of a very long and complicated story, one thing holds true: Kanda and Alma are in love. As passed down from their past selves, they are specifically in romantic love. They were a couple. And to speak as a fan, the sheer absolute devotion to how Kanda's love for Alma is presented is seriously intense and moving.
Now, given the absolute hell that is Alma's life, gender identity is frankly the last thing they have time to worry about, so it's hard to say how the whole "literally a woman's brain in a male body" thing might have settled for them if given time to think about it. But that is inherently a pretty trans narrative. And given the whole Alma gender situation, there's simply no reading of their whole situation where neither of them is queer.
If you take present day Alma as a guy, which is more or less how he's presented in canon (though again, who knows how he would've felt about that male body in different circumstances), then congratulations! You've got mlm in your shonen manga. They were straight in a different life, but now one of them's a dude, and they are still deeply in love with each other. They've even got not one but two "let's forget it all and run away together" scenes, just as every mlm couple seems to have.
On the other hand, if you go with the angle that Alma's still a woman based on her mind/soul, even in her new body, then Kanda may not be canonically queer, but Alma is inarguably trans. Again, literally a woman's brain in a male body. It may not be how most people end up trans, but that doesn't change the facts of her situation.
You see what I mean about how they're undeniably queer, but also kind of easy to miss? There's so much other insane shit going on in their story that Alma's whole gender situation can get passed over. Plus, you can look online to this day and find people arguing that Kanda's not "technically" explicitly in love with the present day male version of Alma, since he doesn't 100% unambiguously say as much. I love reading comprehension.
Also! As a possible extra reason for why people don't talk about them much, the official English translation of the manga translated Alma's final "I love you" very differently. There's always a lot of nuance and argument when it comes to translating "大好き" into English, but given the full context of their relationship and the scene it's in, Viz's handling really sets off the censorship bells in my head.
Here's the different versions (Japanese then fan then official), if you want to compare:
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Nothing more classically queer than censorship by way of questionable translation 🙃.
At the end of the day, Kanda and Alma are in kind of a strange middle ground. They're each in love with the other one, but the whole second exorcist brain transfer situation makes it complicated enough that people argue their feelings aren't explicitly romantic (and thus not gay) in the present. Alma is literally a woman's brain implanted in a male body, but we don't have time to dwell on the gender complications of all that because of the hell that is the rest of their life. They're canon but not canon—queer people whose stories don't have space for them to be queer.
However, given that all this messy, tragic ambiguity was published in a fairly popular shonen manga back in 2010, it still feels kind of remarkable to me. Alma is somewhat an antagonist (it's complicated), and he dies at the end of his arc, but once again, Kanda was/is the fan favorite! And when he re-enters the main story after Alma's death, he's more important than he's ever been, and his history with Alma continues to be a huge part of his character.
Katsura Hoshino took the much-beloved edgy toughguy character from her long-running shonen series and, after keeping his origins secret for such a long time, confirmed that his whole life has revolved around love this entire time. Almost every facet of his character can be traced back to his love for his lost best friend or his yearning for his past life's missing partner. And then she reveals that the best friend and the partner are one and the same.
You can go back and forth about the degree to which they work as representation, but in any case, I think their story is something people ought to know about. It's romantic and it's heart-wrenching and it's fucking wild, especially given the context in which it was published (a Shonen Jump spinoff in 2010). I never see anyone besides the few remaining hardcore dgm fans talk about them, and I think that's a shame.
So anyway, that's tale of one of the most insanity-inducing romances I've ever seen put to paper. I love queer people.
Here's some choice pages if you want to cry with me (the last two are a sequence):
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