#Maybe ill come back to this but damn
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Keigo who had a sex doll before he met you and after you find it you make him fuck it in front of you to humiliate himself.
#This was in my drafts and i feel the need to share#Maybe ill come back to this but damn#keigo takami smut#keigo smut#hawks smut#hawks x reader smut#sub hawks#subby keigo takami#sub!hawks#sub keigo#sub! hawks#hawks x y/n smut#hawks x gn!reader#hawks x gender neutral reader
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lords gon hafta drag me outa the kitchen cause im cOOKIN AGIN
#wip#ramsuse#shoulb be done friday cause my ass goin into the wilderness tomorrow#its the 18th and i still havent even drawn 1 goretober what is thissss#naw ill probably draw some next week maybe just 2 or 3 cause my ass is just to occupied by Everything#hopefully next year ill have some damn ass time and management bc im so SICK of having to scimp out on goretober#i wanna go back to doing like 17 or 20 of them but god damn this cursed ass adult life curse it all to hell#ANYWAY 👁👁 coming soon
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is it just me or is mckimson in particular always putting those guys in gay situations
#when i was watching all the shorts for the first time i rly disliked mckimson's art style for some reason (ive since come around 👍)#so i would skip a lot of them but later when i went back an watched them i was like damn i been missing out#theres a lot of dafpork material in here#an i started rewatching them lately an im like DAMN THERES REALLY A LOT like more than i remember#the more cartoons i watch an rewatch the more i cant believe i disliked any director#like i would watch my dvds an a mckimson credit would pop up an i would literally skip it askjdfhajsg thats crazy. charlie what were u doin#plus mckimson made my two favorite gophers. i may be the only gopherhead on earth but 👍#none of this is like super serious cartoon commentary or anything im just rambling#looney tunes /#dafpork /#sry i dont wanna clog up the tags alkjhg maybe if i finish something ive properly written ill put it in the tags but#rn i am just doing silly little casual viewer observations 👍#charlie words
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Do you have any laioshuro headcanons that youd like to share? <3
when they fight in canon laios pulls shuros hair. now what if. .... what if shuro was into that
#damn maybe the tag should have been laioshuro instead agvcxgvh#this one is just like. personal but i hc shuro as more bi#like i definitely see the comphet reading but i think#or want to believe lmao. that he genuinely was attracted to falin#even if he might not Really see her whole person#anon#ask#laios i dont have any solid hcs but i will say aro bi laios would be interesting#SORRY I DONT HAVE A LOT OF HCS 😭😭😭😭😭 i need to meditate on this ill come back and rb if i ever have anything. thank u
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the likelihood of loop. not wanting the flower to begin with, as it loops back, dissolves, a reminder that so far nothing is permanent no matter what choices you make, that this prison they’re entrapped in has unmoving bars, is probably. high high up there
but also. what if the flower was a representation? what then? that you will be saved. that siffrin, who keeps coming back, who keeps waving that flower at you knowing the response will be “no,” who tries and tries, who won’t give up on you escaping this, either. what if was a representation that you, as well, are someone worth it, someone to hold onto tightly as you’re pulled up. what then !!! huh !!!
#thinking about loop.#reminder that you can’t save everyone#reminder that you have to try#AND DAMN WELL WILL I BE TRYING !!!!!!!!!!!#said it before will say it AGAIN what if you were LOVED#yes !!! you !!!!!!!!!! in all your glory and flaws !!!! how you shine and cut at the same time#that you’re lovable with it all !!!!!!!!!#you’re an urchin and they’re cradling you. you’re poking holes into they’re skin and they’re ignoring it#it can be patched. come with me ??#loop and siffrin. they make me ill.#if loop doesn’t get to escape and have a decently happy ending too i will be so devastated#like … yes …….. try as you might not everyone will make it#the universe will make you a laughingstock and you merely grit your teeth because what else can you do ? go against it ? push back at the#hands clawing into your back ???#you’re a puppet and they’re the puppeteer#still. still.#is it not worth it to reach your hand out ? in hopes ?#AM i being a little too fixated on the flower with loop. maybe. very possibly#lantern says stuff
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Orb...
+ process kinda
#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL#i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!!#i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece .....#i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!!#thus: orb#im very happy w it so thats why im posting#idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig#lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not#im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things#and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works#and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay?????#i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane#but i think ive got it down p well :)#ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!!#i like how half my art i post here is either chibis#or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever#yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY#had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis#and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics#catie.art.
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me when insignificant cross reference of my two favorite albums :0!!
MEMEMEMEEME I CAN DO THIS TOO I CAN DO THIS TOO!! chris thile and punch brothers ssongs hold the fuck on cuz ive been waiting for an excuse to talk abt this oh my god.
stanley ann - chris thile
clara - punch brothers
like not entirely but hearing chris talk about dreams coming true makes my brain wojak point at the spotify lyrics ohhhh my god hey guys did you know i like chris thile
#desire mona#media#god i love creeking out with you my autism has never felt quite so quenched#i also rly like in celebrants that from the beach to the airport ... despite the weather just goes together like that#EEEEE ALBUM LAYOUT!!! EEEE NICKEL CREEK!!!!!!#i could and do talk about them all damn day im tweaking and creeking the fuck out#stole tweaking and creeking from coworker ben#clara - punch brothers#gonna go back to goddamned saint after this tho#maybe ill relisten to thanks for listening? but i think im gonna save that for when my cd + cd player comes in#god#stimming so fucking hard#ask#certified creeker#dangly mandolin boy you will be mine#neilph
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I am exhausted??? For some reason I woke up and I feel really really tired? Zero energy???
#like im glad the fever isnt coming back but damn... im gonna try to sleep a little longer#its probably part of me being sick i believe...?#... sigh. i guess i do wish i had someone taking care of me. if even for just a couple minutes#petting my head or my back as i try to sleep... really that's all i want not even bringing me food...#maybe one day mom will be around.... and maybe one day ill have someone who will.... yeah#the future will come and it'll be pretty and warm i hope#seari talks#i almost fell asleep writing the notes so.... yep going back to sleep
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the reason I've been drawing less lately is that for the first time in my life I have a second hobby
#its because you're always on that damn blender#but it still comes and goes#so ill be back to normal and then not normal again in some time#i actually would like to draw something right now#maybe it is possible maybe i will do it
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The funniest thing I wholeheartedly believe is that I have a neurodivergency not catergorizable or diagnosable as any currently recognized disorder. (disorder emphaized because heavily impairing functioning is generally a requirement of the clinical definition and a condition of diagnosis, and although i'm vexed i still Get By Just Fine)
because like yes those probably exist; there's no way psychiatry is in its final form now and there are definitely levels of neuro-difference that don't qualify as disorders, but like. that's so random and it's kinda pretentious to make such a bold claim about yourself. like oh u wanna be special, huh? 🙄 just be AuDHD like everyone else (<- joking)
#look the Mental Illness is bad frequently enough the PMS prolly is exasterbating SOMETHING but what?? who knows#maybe testorterone would fix me... i'm afriad but i've been thinking about trying it a lot#i've been so clsoe to having persistant depression (looking back something was wrong with me in middle school???)#but it just isn't consistant and strong enough to be dysthymia#cuz like i don't feel sad so much as i just feel. psychologically unwell. maybe i've just always been stressed.#the lack of focus being a PMS symtpom is too real tho once i found that out i was like. damn that's why i thought i had ADHD sometimes and#then i wouldn't.#my autism score test ONLY being outside of 100% allistic range on the social stuff....#but i'm not a poor enough communicator for that to be a disorder#like there's all these little parts and they don't come together in the shape of anything i know#anxiety but not as bad as my mom who can't even get diagnosed bc it doesn't impair her functioning -'trich' but i don't pull; i snap or cut#but i'm still going to see a gyncologist bc PMS is the only lead i've got#i am goign to bring up T but tbh i think that's outside of their domains....#i wish menopause didn;t exist bc typical birth control is NOT an option bc high risk of hormone-positive breast cancer#but blocking my menstrual cycle would honestly be my dream outcome#but my understanding is if i don't replace E with T i just go into menopause and htne like. well my mom's going through it now and it#doesnt seem like. a good time.#I said this#personal
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im becoming a emu blog again
#stardust speaking !#AAUUGHHHHHHH DREAMS DO COME TRUE#i nvr wouldve thought theyd put dog ears in a banner what am i looking at. hoping akitos hair still looks cute in his 3d model#im not worried about honamis shes 100% cute in the 3d!!!!!!!!!!!! theres no way that hair isnt cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#im fine with not lucksacking Anything this yr if it means i can lucksack this banner amen#emu.................oh im so happy.....theres 1 other hairstyle i rly want her to get but this is so cute im gonna collapse i love when the#keep her hair short-looking#emu fan finally gets to pull for her on a 6% banner again#also seeing this banner...how old is honamis lil bro. like saki & tsukasa and akito & ena are close in age#but emu is not close in age to her big siblings#but i cant rmbr how far apart honami & her lil bro is ?!?!?!?#is this event rly gonna be akito with dogs help. overcome ur fears and all that#maybe ill update my header when the banner releases.....ough.............i lov proseka cards sm#btw vbs new song is so damn good. also excited for inabakumori niigo and scop leoneed#also i was thinking how funny itd be if they added dandan hayaku naru I DIDNT THINK THEY ACTUALLY WOUUUULLLDDDDDD#can we add more nanou songs next please please please please please please please#anyway i. need to read events again. at the very least wxs main events -> emu events -> then back to reading stuff in order#actually i might be lying i dont rmbr how old emus big sis is. it might not be That big when i think about it. but it sure aint 1-2yrs
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The thing that torments me the most at work when programming is not solving problems. It is asking a question and then it turns out that three different meetings of senior management are required to get an answer because no one actually knows
#like ill be told “hey we want to create this thing people were doing my hand programatically”#and so i have to poke holes into everything that went into the original#and many are easy things we have a name for#but then theyll be like one fucking thing labelled “Year to date dollars exploded by cannon fire” and youre like#wow that's an interesting number let's see if someone knows what that is#and someone comes back ajd goes “oh actually that's just year to date cannons loaded with the tax!”#and im like well ok thats kinda the answer#but is the tax dependent on province? bwcausw i run the numbers of reverse engineering#this number i get something off by 3%#and theyre like damn fuck ok maybe it is the other province and then it mostly works#but then you talk to the original number guy#and he's like “oh yeah! i just change that number by hand based on thst other one and the moon phase”#and we're like ah ok our original calculation theb actually is correct sans the stuff impossible to know#and we shouldnt actually be counting thst because it's more sensible#and so everything is finally working#and someone says “you know actually this number is useless i don't want it taking up space”#“let's replace it with something we had all along”#and finally at point it's been 3-4 weeks after the original conversation where you floated#that same idea as the very first solution
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Every day I find out a different song I like is in fact a cover and lose my shit
#talkingcore#two weeks ago it was that I Believe (when I fall in love it’ll be forever) is in fact not a George Michael original#which makes sense now because it has the energy more of a live recording but shit Spooked me#then when I was maybe 12 I thought sweater weather was by kina grannis because that’s what spotify introduced to me#same thing with come on Eileen and save Ferris (though I stand by that cover being elite it’s so epic)#today it was sabbath bloody sabbath because I was like wow I love the cardigans and their writing yayyyy cardigans#hmmm I wonder if there’s a way to hellsing this song okay let me look up the lyrics because I’m bad at hearing words#okay yeah when you say sabbath bloody sabbath was written by Black Sabbath it makes sense but damn …….#anyway this morning I woke up made a noise that was deeper than I’d ever heard and in my excitement to document it I lost my lung#I lost the range and I’ll never get it back. ‘my child will not sexualize illness’ 👁️👁️
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first sober night in awhile and im not itchin for weed or alchie and am instead remembering the things that make my blood pump day after day
#🍒#colors ✅ art of all mediums ✅ music ✅ love ✅ my beautiful boyfriend ✅ the occult ✅ the unknown ✅ the stars and sky and moon in particular ✅#poetrt ✅ prose ✅ fun fashion i dont feel compelled to conform to ✅ funnie jokes ✅ friends ✅ peaceful times not self forced or worried bout#understanding ✅ learning ✅ not understanding but knowing i can if i keep going ✅ memories of things that bring me joy ✅#i could do this all damn day. love the world when im not obsessed with consuming substances. who woulda thunk#even w out weed / alchie when i was taking my adderall i couldnt relax like this or feel like this#:3 im learning to be more in tune w my body and the world around me. including aspects of the world we cant see :3#how amazing is that… a few years ago rn i was in and out of inpatient slittin my wrists left and right drinkin a bottle of cough syrup a day#and now. well i still do get urges to cut once a cutter always a cutter. but i just dont do it anymore.#hmmmm this post got deeper than i meant for it to#oh well ill post it anyways but be careful ig lol#i just think its neat what you can achieve when u just listen to what you think and feel as you navigate the world. just listen for awhile.#then take action after feeling ur feelings and thinking your thoughts and letting them take their course and weed out what’s temporary n not#hmmm this post IS a diary entry maybe i shouldnt post. no i will ill come back and see this post one day and go :3 wow. im even better now!
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this edit is killing me -_-
#like... im so close to being done i think but i cant get the words placed how i want and im losing my mind#i think im gonna try and start a new edit as well ive been staring at this meltdown on for like 3 nights in a row so maybe ill come back at#it with fresh/better eyes after ive hopefully successfully started a new edit which is honestly asking a lot from myself cause im awful at#this but damn it im gonna keep trying a doing it bc i wanna be creative a fun and show my love for music#*those lonely a's are supposed to be ands in the sentence above this one
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okaaaayyy finally watched I saw the tv glow :^)
#liked it a lot on a lot of levels. visuals n soundtrack n acting was great. rly subtle n cohesive n effective#i wanna sit with it a little to digest it and maybe rewatch#but unfortunately i didnt get the same emotional resonance a lot of ppl did from it.. possibly bc i was watching w other ppl#but i dont think its that i think i just struggle to connect meaningfully w things that are like. what if the choices u didnt make#alienated u from the world and ur sense of self n what if the life u were living was a hollow bubble separate from the real world etcetc#bc like yeah man im very aware of how unreal my life n the world around me feels at times. and it isnt bc im holding myself within#tight limitations/constraints in order to hide parts of me from myself or forcing myself to be smth im not in order to engage w society#like im just mentally ill n the dissociation n derealisation are symptoms of that..#i can 100% understand why so many queer ppl feel so strongly abt it n the gender stuff implied in it#but thats just not my experience of queerness personally. its never been smth ive had to grapple with much#like yeah i havent fully figured out my gender shit. but im ok w that its not holding me back from living the life i want to be living#my sense of self is just so far divorced from my physical body and the physical world around me..... idk im too tired to articulate this#but that aside i did rly like it as a movie! and it was very heartbreaking.. just not in a way that struck me super personally#which i was rly hoping it would ahh sorry everyone 😔 but hey maybe thatll come after i think abt it some more#lots of cool effects too i liked the different ways they did the moon face thing. i liked how effective the whole distortion of memory#and nostalgia etc was done visually.. aesthetically very yummy. aw man..#i didnt even cry i was rly hoping it would make me cry...... :-(#makes me feel like im missing out on smth cuz everyone else ive seen talk abt it got hit so hard by it#just made my peace w being on the outside looking in i guess.. i shook out all my regrets and what-couldve-beens as a depressed teen#n now im just here to vibe forever..... 😌 i am toooooo tired to be typing i just keep saying the same thing over an dover probably#maybe a 7 or 8 out of 10 movie for me i think which is still pretty damn worth it#okayyy brushing my teeth and going to bed cuz i wanna go climbing tomorrow so need to rest up ‼️#sorry i dont want to rain on anyones parade genuinely did think it was a great movie im glad others are feeling it so intensely#ahhhh!!!!#.diaries
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