#May I remind you how much I hate perspective cause I REALLY hate perspective!!!

[apocalypta-secundus]

@cinghialefedele, @quintoespada

[fumifooms]

Hi hi! I'm sure you have loads of asks to get through. But if you may, we talk a lot about Chilchuck and Marcille (as we should 'cause they're great!), but since you've mentioned that Laios is your fave char, I would love to hear if you have any takes on Laios and Izutsumi's dynamic. I feel sometimes like she doesn't really like him...? It's funny but I also feel bad for him sometimes. ^^;;

You can’t ask me this and expect me to not drop everything else I’m doing. Little did you know they are my brotp. They are so special. Izutsumi gets along more with literally everyone in the party, but their relationship was so narratively important. They’re a really underrated and overlooked dynamic! I’ve had them as a topic at the back of my mind for a while, seeing someone else interested was all the push I needed gdbdg. This isn’t super long though, their issues with each other and lil arc is surprisingly brief and easy to summarize.

Laios & Izutsumi : what’s their deal with each other

For me one foundational train of thought for Izutsumi & Laios is, well. I read this awesome smart post deconstructing how Izutsumi’s beef with Laios is because she only just broke free and wants freedom without having someone ordering her around, and that’s sort of her whole character arc, isn’t it?

Isn’t Izutsumi’s picky eating a reflection of just that? In a life where she was a slave, she could at least control what she chose to eat and not eat. But then you might wonder, why did the narrative want her to grow out of that? Simply put, Izutsumi has a contrarian streak, one that is often extremely counterproductive. We saw that especially near the beginning, with how hard it was to make her work with them as a team. The issue is that now that she is free, she needs to not block out others by habit, to not lash out and refuse the healthy things in life, the people who want good for her. And that’s something that’s addressed in the succubus chapter as well as the fight against the ice golem, that she shouldn’t insist that she can do everything alone and fight against any team effort.

I love how onesided the Laios izutsumi dynamic is. He stays away from her generally, like doesn’t interact much, but he wants the cat pats… Which Izu made clear she did NOT want. And Chil is the only one in the party to not really see her as a cat for most of the story really, as shown in the relationship chart. He’s well meaning and wants the best for her, but he crowds her and doesn’t understand her at all. But he reallyyy wants to get along with her.

On the other hand, Izutsumi’s very existence and identity gave Laios an immense amount of hope that Falin could be brought back and still be herself and live well, even if she still had part of a dragon’s soul in her. I think that’s a lovely way to contrast the way that Izutsumi hates herself as a beastkin and her body, while Laios is like "Thank you, your existence as you are is the answer to all my worries" AND he super likes monster bodies and beastkins so it’s like. I think part of her hostility to him, besides feeling like he doesn’t understand her perspective and is maybe dismissive of what his party members want (which would remind her of Maizuru to some degree probably), is that he says all these good things about her being a beastkin, and it’s so jarring with her own version of herself that it raises her hackles and she reacts negatively, especially with how flippant and eager he is about it. But yes like, this is their first meeting!! Beyond his interest in her as a beastkin because of his monster hobby, Laios is just so very grateful for her and chooses to put his trust in her.

That’s interesting too, how one of the first things she asks about upon meeting them is why the hell they would want to rescue Falin even if she were to stay as a chimera-beastkin and still have the dragon soul in her. It’s her asking "Who would want to stick with a beastkin?" thinking that there’s something fundamentally wrong with having two souls and it making you unlovable. And their differing views on monsters do make them clash

But ultimately he chills out about her, which ironically enough shows in the way that they don’t interact much- He gives her space, and accepts that the beastkin may not like him. BUT at the end of the day they have an incredible bond of trust- Laios asks Izutsumi to kill him if something goes wrong with the Winged Lion. Not only is that sort of an intimate request and act, but that means that he leaves it up to Izutsumi’s judgement as well to know if it went wrong and when to act. He doesn’t only trust her skills but also her decision making, despite how tough they’ve been on each other in the past. He’s giving her the ultimate role, the go ahead to make or break their plan and be the difference between saving or destroying the world. And the last tidbit of info we get on their relationship in canon is when she hides behind him because she’s shy- Certified having befriended the cat moment. She trusts him and sees him as a safe person! And by saying that she’s shy, he’s showing that he did end up understanding her and how she is.

No matter the rocky parts of their relationship, they still have a strong foundation to it and were great allies and road companions, one of the few persons that had each other’s back when it mattered the most, both for the world and for their personal arcs. And post-canon, well…

He’s accepted that she needs space and whatnot, and meanwhile she’s accepted his interest in monsters and taken it in stride 😌 They end up having this familiarity with each other and even if there’s still a bunch of emotional distance imo and they never really got into the nitty gritty with each other not like her with Chilchuck or even Marcille, they see each other. They nod in greeting and respect each other from afar……. But also still tease and chat familiarly up close and if she offers him the opportunity for cuddles he will take it. You know, if it’s not her just falling onto him because she’s sleeping she has no respect.

Siblings behavior… If you know my take on the general party dynamics, I love thinking of Laios & Izu’s dynamic as him being an older brother figure where they have a love-hate relationship. Siblings rivalry. I have a bunch of funny little doodles I’ve wanted to make with them for months, the prompts for which are in the screenshot put below. But yeah like you know, they’re protective of each other but in that very critical way as well, truly forged by being stuck with each other for a while and having to come to understand and accept how the other is. Strife with conflict, but ultimately sticking with each other through thick and thin… Siblings siblings SIBLINGS SIBLINGS SIBLINGS. Sigh I just want them to cuddle on a couch and she purrs while simultaneously being snide and mean to him, they are so… Izutsumi is the character ever

Oh, which! While I’m here, I always recommend this fanfic about the two of them interacting and Laios treating her like a cat, it’s just fun and lighthearted. They’re suuuuch an underrated duo

If I find more Laios & Izu moments I think are worth sharing I’ll just add it onto this I think. We shouldn’t be too hard on him he was raised by dogs so cats are a whole other language to him but also, so wild to me that he never tried to engage with her on a cat level properly like where is the hissing at the catgirl and the cat taming moments, he sucks at socializing with cats smh smh.

I want to do an analysis of queerness in Dungeon Meshi with relationships and social norms and stuff and Izutsumi’s arc is gonna be central to that too. Her relationship with EVERYONE is SOOO GOOD AND IMPORTANT AND COMPELLING. But I guess this is where I leave it off for now, I hope I’m not forgetting any point I wanted to make hmmm

[nico-esoterica]

How To Deal With 'Fans' If You Have a Celeb SP 👀

You're in control of your reality, first and foremost. Your person also only wants you. That's it.

But should shit get to you one day, here's some reminders approached from a business-like and detached perspective:

They are lining your sp's pockets. That BTS-fandom rich emotional currency that creates the memes, fanfiction, sold out shows, and economic demand in real time is just making your person richer. Think about how they're gonna spend all of that on you. Fan devotion is excellent soil to plant your dreams in.

Anyone who seems really obsessed, even if they're a spiritual girlie who thinks they have a connection w/ them will not have them in your reality. But you need to be firm on that. No one is going to successfully 'manifest away' your person unless you think it's possible. You need to start thinking of yourself as their only choice.

Said fans are in love with a projection of them. It's their industry image that's palatable and carefully tweaked to appeal to specific demographics. This also may sound harsh but most of those fans will not think they can successfully or functionally be with them. They believe in social limitations and work with limits you've decided you don't have. You will be in the 'unrealistic' 1%. They will not.

Super locked-in and obsessed fans will eventually get bored and stop wanting your sp or won't as intensely. The real world's going to get more demanding, lifestyles and obsessions change, and they will inevitably focus on something or someone else. Gen Z's attention span is notoriously short and non-committal. Someone that seems like a fandom vet can stop updating their socials at random because of work, school, etc.

Even stalkers, saesangs, etc, inevitably get bored or have real life obligations. Putting that much energy into being a criminal, weirdo, etc will take a toll on their mental health sooner or later. From a safety pov when manifesting, imo, I like to think of them from a human view so I can minimize/prevent any harm they can do in my reality. Even if you're unmedicated and running on fumes, your obsession w/ a celeb will negatively impact your health, funds, relationships, and is not sustainable long-term. Therefore, I don't consider any creeps in my sp's life to be effective enough to cause harm of any kind. It's good to think of your relationship as a fortress they can't penetrate. They don't have the energy or disposable income like the girls used to bc of the global economy lmao. Just keep some safety affirmations on deck and you're fine.

Like I've said, their negative assumptions work to your advantage. That's why I said before that most creep behavior won't be seen positively by your sp w/ them bc they're terrified they'd hate them. They're insecure, don't think they have a chance with them, that they're out of their league, and all of these limiting ideas that industries concoct for money. All of this is working for you. That's a home-grown defense.

But you need to pair that with reminding yourself of how in love with and infatuated your sp is with you and no one else. This is why, imo, so many wives married to famous men wind up with infidelity. Despite being chosen, they still thought there'd be someone waiting in the wild to snatch their men up..and it'd inevitably happen. They had incredibly limiting beliefs about their men and assumed that because, 1, they're men, and 2, limitless access to women as an option meant they'd automatically go for it. So you need to get your boss bitch game up and start reveling in how amazing your person is and how they'd choose you over a million ig models or groupies. You need to think of yourself as the magical exception at all fucking times. You are a unicorn. Act like it!

IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION, YOUR CELEB SP WON'T EITHER!

[celestiall0tus]

Why did you find the ML special boring? I found it to be gripping and an emotional rollercoaster. I barely blinked the whole time so kind of surprised to hear you thought it was boring of all things :0 especially as aa writer. I would think it'd be a great character study for Marinette and full of angst possibilities

Alright, let's crack our knuckles and get serious about this as I break this down from a writer's perspective.

Let's get the biggest thing out of the way and that is the trauma that Marinette deals with. I get it. She tried to get Gabriel to see the light, she's trying to do right with her lies to Adrien, but it's all soured for me because it's all for Adrien. See, I have this thing about children, and yes, Marinette is a child to me, so willing to give up everything for a potential partner. Like, I get it. young love and all that BS, but it just takes me out of it. She is 14 fucking years old. There is absolutely no need for her to be sacrificing her life for a fucking boy. None whatsoever. And I get its supposed to be all romantic and "look how much she loves him that she's willing to die for him" Absolutely the fuck not.

I hate that shit with a fucking passion. It is the most toxic type of love out there. It's quite literally that yandere shit that is just... eh. However, I will say, if Marinette was older, an adult, I would tolerate it a little bit more, but as a teenager, I fucking hate that shit. All her decisions right now is because of Adrien. The lying, the attempts to get through to Gabriel, it was all for Adrien. She put herself in those lies just for a boy she may not even end up with in the long run.

As for the "angst" possibilities, I don't see any here that the fandom hasn't already done 100x times better. If anything, Adrien has way more angst possibiilities than Marinette ever could. His dad is dead, Ladybug lied to him about how it all went down, and his gf is Ladybug. Should he have a villain arc, it would be legendary. But we can't have nice things.

With that out of the way, the special was extremely boring leading up to the end of the world. It was just flashbacks, which, I get. They were catching up people who haven't kept up with the show, which can come at the detriment of those that do. Once we get to everything else, I dunno, I just didn't care. I don't care that she put herself in this situation all for a boy. I really, really don't.

The only part of the special that was remotely interesting was the mind games they tried to play with Lila. That was the only good part to me. It was a good build up to Lila being a smarter and more effective butterfly holder and villain than Gabriel could ever be.

Otherwise, I was bored to the point of falling asleep, which is a feat in and of itself as it takes a lot to make me fall asleep out of boredom, but this special accomplished it. I didn't care for the reminders leading back up to the special. I didn't care for the problems that Marinette caused for herself. I didn't care for any of it outside of the fighting, which has been a problem since season 4.

This has been a l0tus rant. Have a nice day.

[thefloatingstone]

How would you compare Presley's racism vs Ashley's racism. Although now that I type this at least Presley never compared them animals. Hmmm...

Honestly it's all down to "root cause" and "how they express it".

Pressly is a veteran of the first contact war who was shooting at these people less than 30 years ago. His racism has its roots in a perspective forged during wartime and all the baggage THAT drags up. But we get clear and straightforward addressing of Pressly growing out of his racism by his own words, remarking in his log "Reading back on my older entries, what a damn fool I've been."

Ashley on the other hand may have similar baggage, as her grandfather is a disgraced military man and caused her entire family to be blacklisted because of the First Contact War with the aliens, and that would be a similar place to draw her prejudice from and help her grow out of by realising her true feelings of anger and resentment are misplaced. But the way she voices her racism is full of venom and true, deep seeded contempt and hatred. Comparing them to animals is the big one, and ME2 itself mocks her for this comment if she died on Virmire. But it's more than that. Ashley's entire personality is that of "High School Mean Girl". The second Liara steps on board of the Normandy Ashley is GUNNING to bully her. Not just because she's an alien but ALSO for being "one of those lesbian sluts". (reminder, in ME1 Liara is an extremely shy and awkward historian and archaeologist)

When Shepard tells Ashley to NOT bully Liara for being an Asari, Ashley straight up says "No fun, Commander >:("

Also there's this line which some people miss because it requires you to have the discussion with Liara about the Prejudice and racism Asari face galaxy wide and then going directly to Ashley and speaking to her)

(the clip starts at 2:44)

idk if I said it here or if I said so in discord to a friend, but I see kaidan and Ashley as being written as the answers to Bioware's handling of Renegade and Paragon options. Kaidan is more geared to reflect a Paragon playthrough and Ashley is more geared to fit a renegade playthrough. Possibly the thinking was whichever way the person is playing, it would affect who they decide to spare on Virmire.

(also I have a good relationship with my family but Ashley going "WHAT DOES SHE MEAN SHE DOESN'T LIKE HER MOM???? THAT'S STUPID." comment also makes me really fucking angry considering how many irl friends I have who have moms who suck ass)

Pressly's racism is problematic (same as Garrus' racism in the first game) but he outgrows it and openly says "I was wrong."

Garrus has a full on conversation with Tali in ME3 and directly says to her "I'm sorry and I was wrong."

Ashley never apologises or excuses her early comments and behaviour. She just at some point stops doing it so overtly and comments how "no I like Tali a lot" (Everybody likes Tali) as if this somehow undoes everything she said. More than anything, she tries to justify and excuse her past comments and opinions while also saying the most hateful things about the crew.

She's a racist bully from a heavily religious traditional military family who makes no effort to understand people from family structures or upbringing she doesn't understand, alien or otherwise, who immediately started picking on the shy nerd the SECOND she stepped foot on the ship and never apologises for any of her actions, racist or otherwise.

The racism is a symptom of a much nastier whole.

She's a VERY well written character. I just heavily dislike her.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain (Part I)

TRIGGER WARNING: Violence, abuse, suicide, religious themes, ect.

FAMILY TREE (INTRO)

These crosses all over my body remind me of who I used to be.

Christ forgive these bones I'm hiding.

He cannot escape his mother's blood.

He'll never escape what he's made up of.

The fates already fucked me sideways.

You know I raised you bеtter than this.

Leavе me hanging so they all can laugh at me.

AMERICAN TEENAGER

Putting too much faith in the make-believe.

The neighbor's brother came home in a box.

He wanted to go, so maybe it was his fault.

Another red heart taken by the American dream.

I feel it there in the middle of the night.

I'm all alone again.

Say what you want, but say it like you mean it.

Just give it one more day, then you'rе done.

I do what I want.

I said it was fun.

I don't need anything from anyone.

It's just not my year.

I'm all good out here.

I'm sorry if I sound off, but I was probably wasted.

Didn't feel so good.

Head full of whiskey but I always deliver.

If you're listening, let me handle my liquor.

If you're there, why do I feel alone in this room with you?

I'm still standing here.

I do it for *Name*.

I'm doing what I want and damn, I'm doing it well.

A HOUSE IN NEBRASKA

Sing it to me all day long.

The aching sound of silence used to be our favorite song.

You and me against the world.

You were my man and I your girl.

We had nothing except each other.

You were my whole world.

I still call home that house in Nebraska.

We found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor.

The world was empty, save you and I.

You left, and I cried.

Even if we died tonight, I'd die yours.

These dirt roads are empty.

Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well.

Really I'd kill myself to hold you one more time.

It hurts to miss you.

It's worse to know that I'm the reason you won't come home.

I died there under you, every night, all night.

You know, I still wait at the edge of town, praying straight to God that maybe you’ll come back around.

I cry every day, and the bottles make it worse.

You were the only one I was never scared to tell I hurt.

I found photographs of our school, on the day we met.

I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess.

You might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night.

I just hope you're doing fine out there.

I just pray that you're all right.

I feel so alone.

I feel so alone without you.

WESTERN NIGHTS

He's never looked more beautiful.

I watched him show his love through shades of black and blue.

Show me how much I mean to you.

I'd hold the gun if you asked me to.

If you love me like you say you do, would you ask me to?

Trouble's always gonna find you baby. but so will I.

Hold me across every state line.

I'm never gonna leave you baby, even if you lose what's left of your mind.

'Cause you know I'll be right there beside you.

I haven't spoken to my daddy in a long, long time.

I don't want him to worry.

The neighborhood keeps getting smaller.

All starved out when the money's paper thin.

All that's left are your walls and you'll die there.

I should have known that there's no getting in.

I'll still be alright.

Clinging onto you like some love blind addict.

I'll be screaming your name.

Please don't love how I need you.

Know that one day, you and I could be okay.

FAMILY TREE

I'm just a child but I'm not above violence.

My mama raised me better than that.

Daddy said shoot first then run and don't look back.

Take me down to the river and bathe me clean.

I've killed before and I'll kill again.

Take the noose off, wrap it tight around my hand.

They say heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Hell don't scare me, I've been times before.

HARD TIMES

Lay it on me.

Tell me a story about how it ends where you're still the good guy.

I hate this story.

Happiness ends and dies with you.

I thought good guys get to be happy.

I'm not happy.

I am poison in the water and unhappy.

I was too young to noticе that some types of love could bе bad.

I still do, and that scares me.

I'm tired of you.

It's just the way that you are.

I just wanna sleep.

[cluelessbees]

In your opinion do you think Noah should address what he’s said (personally I think if he does he should do a video as he’s normally better understood on those) and if you think he should do you think it needs to be soon rather than later or do you think he should just let things die down? I know it’s maybe not the most important thing rn but I can’t imagine what his mental health is like right now no doubt also seeing all the hate and abuse thrown at him.. I know he’s a celebrity with a platform and he should use it properly but at the end of the day he’s a 19 yo kid.

Okay.

I'm not attacking anon here with this at all I'm just using this to say all my thoughts. Nothing against anon.

I'm gonna be honest, I really don't care how Noah addresses it. Like– I hope he learns. I hope he does better, but I'm not going to wait around for that.

Like, I'm saying this from the perspective of an Arab. His post was racist. Intentionally or not, it was racist. Racism doesn't have to be "oh I'm going to purposefully call this group of people a slur." It's systematic and its engrained in our way of thinking and I can understand that he may not realise it, but it doesn't mean his post didn't hurt. He has caused so much harm with his post. The IDF literally are using his words (or the words he took from his friend idek) as a slogan.

All I can hope for with him is that he learns. I don't care if he address it or whatever because unless he learns – it doesn't matter what he says. He can clarify or whatever but a "poor choice of words" has always been the excuse people use when saying something isn't racist. Words are intention. Words have weight. The word terrorism when referring to Arabs (which Palestinians are) is loaded.

Also, a reminder.

40% of the population of Gaza are under 14. The average age is 18. They are also children, and they are being bombed, attacked, displaced, traumatised, and kill by the attacks from Israel. Please. Please. Please. Focus on them. Focus on theirs lives, their mental health, them. Because they are people, they deserve to live. I'm sure Noah will be fine. He has a home and a family and a support system he's gonna be okay. So please, I'm begging everyone to talk about Gaza right now.

Please remember them. They're people, they have lives and dreams and goals. They are human. Their lives matter.

[1eoness]

BROOO u were literally probably the first author whose fic i read when i first searched up leon smuts last year 😭 ur works r so good n idk if u'll see this but it's nice to hear abt ur perspective, i feel like fics abt leon these days r so fucked up and scary, it reminds me of when i first read a fic of yours and it was nothing but normal and hot? i just mean it's like, what fanfiction should be, how smuts should be, just p in v and stuff without all that crazy shit, it sucks to see writers these days waste their talent on writing dead dove fics that are so horrendous that it really affected me mentally

helloo!! (im not dead mueheaheah)

WARNING : Mentions of dead dove content and the likes of its themes!

before i talk : [HIIIIII HEHAHEH thank you for your support!! i'm glad you liked my (very subpar) work! now that i look back on it those themes did enter a somewhat gray line at some point because i lacked a lot of experience in writing. i do not condone ever letting your professor have sex with you nor do i promote any kind of hate-motivated sex, or dubcon! it was merely a bold attempt of expressing hormones (if you know 😭) like a lot of people my age commonly do and so i had (and still have to) reedit the tropes in my work a bit, also because i turned 18 now and i wanna readjust my boundaries! i hope you dont mind. regardless, i love that you like those themes. very good! love you!! /p]

anyway, leaning more towards the topic at hand. i don't doubt that your opinion is much different than a large part of the community under this tag. which is a very, very good thing! i'm pretty sure it was ever since @/gilfhub's posts started to quickly rise in the top pages that lead a lot of users to be influenced and begin to tear down a very, very important boundary. i'm very sorry to hear that being exposed to that affected you mentally, that's the entire reason why i absolutely abhor blogs that post and enable that content. you're not alone on that either <3 and i agree! people should ALWAYS write boundaries in mind. i've lurked around the tag a lot and noticed a lot of "popular" writers who also have an alternative blog for dark content (this isn't just a specific account, there are a lot of these.) warnings don't make things better, they don't fend witnesses away, and it doesn't make you any less insensitive. "dead dove content" itself (which is really just incestual/horribly taboo sexual assault fantasies, no need to sanitize it) should always be suppressed and private (or, well, NOT WRITTEN AT ALL). the moment you put it up on any kind of digital page, you are attracting ANY kind of viewer and none of that shit is cute, i'm sorry. projecting your trauma onto a character is one thing but writing them as someone who skips the morality line is just straight up trying to exercise your power through the wrong means. just as much as you have the power to express yourself, you also have the power to make someone very uncomfortable. people don't think about these situations in the long run, that's why. they seem to really like using the "leon is just a character, i promise he won't care" argument which i also think is total bullshit cause this isn't even about leon, it just entirely reflects what your true values really are. they centralize around the need to express yourself at the expense of other people's comfort (because, for the nth time, it's a public space with an unpredictable demographic yet people seem to really like just doing the "bare minimum" on their part). whilst your perception of a traumatic experience may be valid, it doesn't give you any excuse. this is far from the idea of free individualistic expression, it is just as bad as some 4channer posting about wanting similar situations be inflicted onto them with even real, sentient people. because we all know why these themes allow themselves to be exposed to the audience and that's because it tries to appeal to a very specific group of people (which is very disgusting.) they want to be so condescending, too. like "oh grow up, i'm all under ur skin and for what." it's blatant ignorance, you're not very smart!

and finally as ironic as it is, porn is to blame for enabling a lot of similar themes. it's so obvious, too, a lot of fictions like the ones you mentioned that are dead dove always have to mention pornography titles in it. (honestly doesn't have to be dead dove either). sanitization can be done in MANY ways, and a lot of the times I notice it's through the way of romanticizing or aestheticizing it. I'm talking about those who put up mini pinterest-board headers of like three whatevercore images and then putting lyrics at the bottom of it. it's like an attempt at writing a very bad fucking movie not gonna lie. for example, they end up trying to decorate their post with elements that fall under anything curated aesthetic. and guess what? we've all been there but NOT for writing about uncle!character and their kid reader thats just flat out WEIRD. trust me you are NOT anais nin, you do not have to write lyrical prose and try to beautify something that will always be ugly and demented to its very core. you cannot call dead dove content "artistic vents", either. i also think i can understand that some people are victims who have failed to get help thus they try to cope through other means. but i will never applause someone for making the right choices. i think there's no excuse behind writing dead dove content other than to self mutilate your mental health in the long run for a temporary moment of "safe fun", and not even knowing that it is also in/directly harming the public eye.

it's rotten. it's disgusting. dead dove writers should not be welcomed in any fictional writing space. i've been triggered over and over again and it made me put off writing and reading for a very long time. i've experienced something similar before and i have gone crazy over it, and trust me, the things these people write so "generously" for their viewers are NOTHING but toxic waste.

tumblr is NOT your space, but everyone has a space in tumblr, so be conscious of yours.

i also encourage people to not stay silent on the matters if they want to speak up on it but are afraid of getting backlash. i've seen people delete their accounts over it (which, i guess is good on them since then they won't have to confront this kind of space anymore).

[etherealyoni]

888 PORTAL MESSAGES 🦁✨💛

Aries, Leo, Sagittarius Out with the old and end with the new feels like your mantra. You're letting go of many things that have been keeping you stagnant. You were probably afraid to let go because you weren't sure if you could move forward without these things. But you'll see in time that you never needed these things to be great because you already are. Always stay true to yourself even when it's hard. No one is entitled to you and people may have felt this way for some time. But you know who you are, these people aren't even familiar. If people really took the time out to get to know you, they'd see how fucking dope you really are. If you still feel like you're having a identity crisis then remove the mask and step into what truly makes you happy. Don't live for anyone else's amusement if you're not having a good time.

Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn There's something you're looking to learn right now. You've probably been contemplating if you're actually meant to take that step but here is your confirmation. If you've been thinking about expanding your knowledge and skill set there's an opportunity for you. Don't doubt your abilities, you are more than capable. Learn as much as you can because whatever this is, I see it as fulfilling. Explore all your interests too, don't stop here, make sure you allow yourself to learn as much as possible. I see you may feel you didn't take your education seriously in the past. You may even feel like you would've gone farther if you started earlier but Earth signs, you were focused on surviving, and working through things no one knew about. Don't be so hard on yourself for trying to work through a mess you did not create. You are on the right track to success, this new mentality is everything, just remain intentional! Gemini, Libra, Aquarius You are no one's sacrificial lamb. People may have tried to tear you down, block your blessings, and make you hate yourself. They will never succeed. Their hatred and bitterness towards you isn't a reflection of your character no matter how they try to diminish it. You may have felt like giving up at some point. I know you're feeling so many things right now. Take a moment to acknowledge the power it would take to overcome everything you've been through. You are a fucking star and you deserve to know it even when the world wants you to forget. You are abundant, cosmic, and intelligent. You need to be reminded. Your mistakes and insecurities do not make you. There is much more to you than that. So allow yourself to beam brighter than ever before. If they tell you you're too bright, tell them to close their damn eyes cause you're gonna shine anyways! Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces Transitions are hard and you may be adjusting to a new lifestyle. I see you're getting a lot more familiar with your surroundings. Use this time to explore more to gain more clarity on what path best suits you. Also, know that you are not being rushed to figure things out. You have time to decide so think thoroughly. Whoever is rushing you or making you feel rushed isn't steering your life, you are in control. You may have felt limited in the past. It could've felt as if your life was in someone else's hands but that's not the case in present day. You are aligning with the version of yourself that knows your worth, has a vision, and always sees it through. Stand your ground Water signs, because you deserve to live a life that's fulfilling for you. You deserve to be pleased with yourself and your decisions. You are expecting miracles all you need to do is release yourself from what was. I'm thinking of the Ancient One speaking to Doctor Strange, she told him he would have to forget everything he THINKS knows (Amazing movie, check it out if you haven't seen it already). There's so much more for you to learn so don't assume you know it all. Be willing to learn and even see things from others perspectives even if you don't agree. There's so much to learn from those around you.

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[juniperhillpatient]

The Headband Re-Watch

This is a funny episode. I don’t think I have anything too groundbreaking to say about it, & I wouldn’t call it a favorite, but I always have fun with it. I know it’s a rip off of Footloose but I’ve never seen the real Footloose lol. I do kind of like that Aang rebels against the Fire Nation culture through something as universally human & expressive as dance - it’s a nice antithesis to the repression the Fire Nation seems to encourage. This is also the first & only time we get a look at regular Fire Nation culture & the indoctrination they grow up with. It’s an interesting glimpse at the everyday life of Fire Nation civilians.

Aang humiliating Hide is hilarious. +500 iconic behavior points. I also think this episode presents interesting evidence for those of us who like to write modern high school AUs. Aang’s role is clearly a bit of a class clown & also very much a popular kid. He instantly gets the entire class to like him enough to want to come to his illegal dance party AND to cover for him when they get caught. This kid has a very high charisma score. I’ll also admit that this is kind of a cute Kataang episode. I still don’t personally ship it but I can’t say anything against it in this episode. The party scene is funny & cute. The best thing about Kataang in this episode is that Katara is shown reciprocating Aang’s feelings. It’s obvious she has a bit of a crush here.

Katara & Sokka disguised as Aang’s parents will never fail to crack me up.

[id: Sokka with a fake mustache & Katara fake pregnant while Aang sits between them looking sheepish. end id]

Sapphire & Waang Fire my beloveds. They’re so funny & dramatic. I always cast the Fire Siblings as theatre kids & I stand by that ‘cause there’s a lot of evidence for that too. But have you considered? The Water Siblings are also theatre kids. +500 iconic behavior points each for Sokka & Katara for their hilarious disguises.

Zuzu is a hot mess (affectionate) in this episode. I feel like for a while I was trying to pretend I wasn’t a blatant Zuko apologist but I totally am & I think maybe I should just embrace it. This is probably the episode where Zuko is the most asshole he’s been yet but I still feel bad for him. It’s just…. Is he a complete jerk for melting down while visiting Iroh in prison - a prison Iroh is in because of him? Yes. But also…. I mean, the thing is, you guys, he’s a teenager trying to undo a lifetime of freaking indoctrination. Iroh didn’t tell him to join the Avatar until it was literally showdown time. Iroh had already started to question the Fire Nation & consider the importance of balance, but he & Zuko didn’t talk about any of this! From Zuko’s perspective, siding with Azula is the exact thing that always would’ve been expected of him. I just feel bad for him. I still feel awful for Iroh too though, rotting behind bars because of his nephew who he views as a son… ouch. And honestly, I feel like the thing that hurts the most about this for Iroh isn’t even that he’s suffering personally it’s that he hates seeing Zuko choose his father & the Fire Nation after everything they went through.

[id: Iroh facing the viewer, frowning. Zuko is in the background behind bars. end id]

Huge fan of shots that put a character outside of bars behind the bars so it’s unclear who’s imprisoned.

I love cinnamon topography.

Also, I love Mai & Zuko’s little picnic.

[id: Zuko & Mai smiling on a picnic. End id]

After watching Wednesday, Mai calling the color orange disgusting as they watch the sunset reminds me of something Wednesday would say. They’re just so cute.

I like how Azula gets Mai to go away by telling her Ty Lee’s braid is tangled. Hey, ladies gotta have their priorities! Also, once again Zuko’s inability to lie pops up. Azula is literally being such a considerate little sister by warning Zuko about visiting Iroh. I don’t see how anyone could view this any other way. She’s looking out for her big brother & I think that’s really cute.

I have nothing else to say about this episode. Tune in next time for more rambling recaps!

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

💯 🐷 💘🍔 😊  for Andy,  💭 🍃 ❤️ 🤔 for Caspian, 🎮💤🎄🐉 🍦 for Willow and 🎻.🎶🍎💛🍸 for Raven please? <3

Ohhhh *rubs hands* thank you so much weasel <3 Surprised to find Raven instead of Adrian *wiggles eyebrows*

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. Hahaha what don't you guys know by now? I'm a slut for talking about my boi! Aaaalright now... let's see what I can shake out of the Andy bag... 1. He prefers white wine over red, though he likes both, I mean, they are alcohol, right? 2. He used to write a diary, but he got tired of his own whining. 3. He secretly enjoys old Danish movies from the 40's-70's, but is for some reason embarrassed to commit to it in front of others???? 🐷 (previously answered) 💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them? His partners and kids are the absolute most important to him, equally. After all those people, there's a lot... comes his parents, uncle and then his friends/other family members. If I have to handpick just 5 people that would be the absolute most important, from my perspective, as in 5 he "couldn't live without", it would be: 1. Evan. 2. Congo. 3. Adrian. 4. Willow. 5. Raven. 6. Sam. But that's my opinion.

🍔 HAMBURGER — is your oc good at cooking? are they good at baking? which one do they prefer? Andy is very good at cooking and pretty good at baking as well. He 100% prefers cooking though, but his baking skills improved massively after he got Oscar, since he only live of sugary sweet things, Andy had to get skilled when it comes to making food for the little one. 😊 SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES — what are your oc’s career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life? Andy is still a musician, he's just not as active as he used to back in the band days where they toured the world for years. He has been wanting to get back on stage, alas he hasn't had the balls to actually do it yet. What he most want in life is love and simply having the best time he can possibly have. Just being happy being alive, having fun, exploring, seeing, feeling, tasting.

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — what is your oc’s MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

Well... yeah XD *snorts into my wine* and yes I took the test for him, enjoy! XD

🍃 LEAVES FLUTTERING IN WIND — what is/was your oc’s favorite subject in school? He absolutely hated school, not a single subject he liked, and he barely passed the exams.

❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc’s positive traits? Hm.. he's a pretty quick thinker, he's creative and he's not a quitter.

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc’s quirks/mannerisms? He bites the skin of his thumb when he gets stressed/anxious. Just the very corners around the nail. And he always cracks eggs into a glass before throwing them on a pan, cause he absolutely can't stand eggshells in his food. It drives him up the wall!

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc’s favorite hobbies? 1. Messing with her dad (Andy) 2. Shopping. 3. Drinking alcohol/getting drunk. 4. Talking shit. 💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits? She's definitely a heavy sleeper, and she always sleep naked unless it's with family or friends, then she'll wear panties and a tshirt. She sleeps in a big king sized bed with huge pillows and comforter blankets, with some sort of bright black/neon colored sheets, 'to make her dreams pop'. 🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your oc’s favorite holiday? Surprisingly perhaps it's Christmas and not Halloween. However, the spooky bitch has Halloween as a close 2nd. She just finds Christmas absolutely enchanting and magical. 🐉 DRAGON — what is your oc’s favorite mythical creature? Hands down unicorns. They remind her of her dad. But she also really likes mermaids/sirens (the real creepy kind, not the Disney version) Oh, and El Chubacabra. 🍦 SOFT ICE CREAM — what is/are your oc’s favorite ice cream flavor(s)? Willow is very into the brand Ben & Jerry's. Her top 3 favorite of those are: 1. Cherry Garcia. 2. Phish Food. 3. Red White & Blueberry.

🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)? Technically he can play both Violin and Piano excellently. As a matter of fact he could do it professionally and with expertise, but he likes to overlook that he plays instruments, cause it's connected to something dark from his past. He also plays guitar really well. And he's perhaps more casual about that and doesn't hide it as well.

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often? Raven has a very wide music taste, and can listen to pretty much anything. He perhaps surprisingly enough, is most into 60-70's Rock. He listens to music fairly often, mostly when he's home alone, where he tends to listen to classical music. 🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace? Raven was born in Ireland, about 1898 years ago, give or take. Possibly closer to 2000+ years ago, but if you ask him, you're going to get just as vague an answer as I am giving you now. Thing is, the McKinney clan is so old, they have stopped counting birthdays. However, his Grandfather has been alive since the dawn of time. Long before humans ever walked the Earth. Raven currently live away from the castle where he was born/grew up. But he still has a room there, and quite often visit. He's very attached to the place and it's still very much home to him.

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any? He fluently speaks Irish, Scottish, English, Welch, French, Italian, Japanese, Spanish and German. And he speaks Norwegian, Icelandic, Russian and Dutch pretty well. 🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc’s favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink? Most people would probably guess red wine, or Whiskey and he does like both very much. However cold beer, straight from the bottle is his favorite.

[keefwho]

July 19 - 2023 Wednesday

7:51 AM

I think maybe I have a case of imposter syndrome. Something I was reading related to how I think, “They wouldn’t say I was good if they knew what I was REALLY like.” It makes sense too, believing you’re a bad or broken person despite operating well on the outside will make you feel like that quote. But as soon as I defuse from self criticizing thoughts and develop better perspective, my self opinion improves greatly. 

2:11 PM

I feel like writing every time I am in distress which is almost constantly. Its EXACTLY like when I had my major anxiety problem because there was actually no break. It was constant, every hour. I do feel like I’m taking my first effective step in getting better about my situation though. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself because it’s only been a few days now that I’ve been applying focus on just a couple of things. Those two things are reminding myself that I’m me as much as possible, and identifying/defusing from thoughts that cause me distress. Whenever I feel ‘bad’, I try to think about what exactly is making me feel this way. Often times it will come down to a thought or belief that may or may not be true but either way is occupying my mental space in an unhelpful way. I’m trying to improve on noticing these thoughts and not letting them get to me so much. I can still feel bad about things as long as I’m not getting too sucked in. 

3:29 PM

At my core I just want someone to share things with. Experiences and feelings. Some to feel open and safe with. Someone who loves me as much as I love them. The yearning is strong.

3:55 PM

The thoughts are coming on strong. Thoughts like: “How did I fuck up everything so bad.” “Can I really move forward.” “What if I lose them.” “I can’t talk to anyone, they’ll hate me.” “I’ll never see improvement.” “My relationships are on the downhill.” “What if I stay lonely today?”

But they are only words. They might be true or untrue. They are just appraisals made by my mind about everything I got going on.

Im always irrationally worried that today will be the last time I talk to my bestie. I’m afraid she will become too aware of how fucked up I am. 

4:48 PM

I’m deep in, trying to defuse from my thoughts. There are just so many. I also have to defuse from the thought that I won’t be able to defuse. Its INSANE. I could use some perspective if only I could find a way to get it right now. I feel like I’m stuck in the past in a place that doesn’t exist. 

For awhile I was hopeful that I could rekindle a friendship with someone I had a falling out with but I think I’m far too late. Its something I let slip away and I’m upset at myself for it. I see old pics and feel sad that they are probably looked at by the other person as something hurtful. I handled everything that happened very poorly, all because I didn’t know how to handle my feelings properly and didn’t have a good grasp on myself. Thats why I’m still afraid now. I’m afraid I’m going to mess everything up again for similar reasons. Things I can’t even see yet. 

10:44 PM

This morning I ate beefaroni with some saltines in it and an applesauce. Kind of a weak breakfast but it was different than usual at least and very convenient. I tried making a stellar cup of coffee with extra sugar but got some coffee grounds in it. I did a warmup off stream and a little bit late. I felt very strongly that I wanted to make something mushy for my bestie. Just a little thing to show her how highly I think of her. I started my stream after that and only went for 1 hour 15 minutes instead of 2 because of how behind schedule I was. Since the commissioner is paying double I could afford to do that. We watched the King Ramsey episode of Courage today. I was also kinda brain dead like I didn’t know how to make non-awkward conversation. After stream I procrastinated a little bit before my workout. It was a pain in the ass setting it up but I got my mic, wireless headphones, and xbox controller configured to play VRchat while I walked. I did stay occupied but unfortunately made no conversation with anyone. I watched Henry’s Kitchen stream on the side. I did 2.5 out of 3 miles on the treadmill and ended early so I could mow the lawn which would also count as my cleaning for the day. Half the lawn is basically fully dead at this point and I don’t know what to do about that. I had a quick shower before making lunch. I made Rice a Roni Pilaf with broccoli, green beans, spinach, onions, and tuna. It wasn’t bad but I didn’t cut the onions very well and I don’t like the texture of pilaf very much. At this point I was starting to get in a bad mood and eventually got around to doing today’s request but I decided not to do project work today. I felt like sulking a little bit instead. Also my eyes hurt. I knew I couldn’t just sulk though and tried to work just a little bit on anything I knew I wanted to do. I played Pony Town and made a little addition to my house. I made the Hopping Homies VRchat group and a stand-in banner. I set up 2 new channels in my server specifically for my art and VR content. Might expand that in the future but this’ll do for now. I watched XQC stream and hopped into his discord server’s VC and actually made some nice little conversation while all watching him together. I kinda trauma dumped but so did the other guy I was talking to. It would be helpful for me to stop saying “im fine” even to strangers when I’m not actually fine. I’m not trying to sympathy farm, just be open and honest about being down because it’s okay that I am. I had a little VR time with the bestie after that and a nice  feelings chat with her. I probably have something to talk about almost every night but I do worry if discussing each other’s sorrows so often could be a bad thing. Thats just my brain talking, I feel as though it is good but on the surface it seems like it could get out of hand. But maybe not. It’s something I’ll figure out by feel. 

I think today it would have been best not to make that sketch, only because I sort of promised I would give less to my bestie because of how it can make her feel like she needs to do more. I made sure I wasn’t doing it out of obligation or anything though, I really wanted to do it. I got satisfaction out of it. I definitely wish I hadn’t of procrastinated as much as I did or shirk my project time. I did do a good job of channeling my energy into doing things afterward though. I popped off around VR time because I really do feel like myself around my friend. I feel at home in a way. It’s one of the few times I know what I want and who I am.

[lololollywrites]

Yes. This exactly. I once had a 40-minute conversation at my doorway with two Morman missionaries that were my age (which, at the time, was 20 - a senior in college living in an off-campus apartment). I think there's a reason door-to-door proselytizers are always young; their elders are trying to engender sympathy in the public. And it works, but for the wrong reasons. Their age didn't make me want to convert, but it did make me empathetic. This overrode my anger. I listened to what they had to say and respectfully shared my perspective as an agnostic atheist who still has a spiritual side. They were fascinated, and just so so happy to talk. They didn't leave me a pamphlet because they respected my wishes. They even thanked me for the best conversation they'd had with someone outside the Church (and I'm not trying to compliment myself - I don't always have that kind of patience, but it came easily that day). They approached me in earnest rather than out of hate or condescension, and that made the difference for me.

It reminds me of a much more extreme example of how it's really open communication and respect on both sides that can change the world. If both sides are willing (which, admittedly, is rare) - because God, I generally do NOT want to speak to extreme conservative Republicans, nor do they want to listen to me), minds can open and people can move away from a place of hate.

There was a woman born into the Westboro Baptist Church, Megan Phelps-Roper, who was tasked with running the main Twitter page as the youngest and most tech-savvy member. She was curious and intelligent, but also truly believed that she was saving people's souls by posting the foulest sorts of tweets imaginable. She'd been convinced of this by her own family members, and - until then - had no way of acquiring knowledge that might contradict those teachings. Most of the comments she received were, understandably, incredibly angry, without any substance to the reply aside from (justified) insults that did nothing more than to prove, at least in her mind, that the rest of the world was rude and godless.

However, one of her consistent repliers was different. He detected her wittiness and passion, and would leave open, kind replies calmly disproving what she posted. Their back-and-forths eventually led to private communications and, after that, to legitimate friendship. He took her to have dinner at a Muslim family's house. He educated her about the world and sent resources. She started using her access to the internet as social media manager to educate herself. She's since left the Church and now speaks about the dangers of cults and the importance of reaching out to those who may be enmeshed in toxicity when you are willing, able, and safe to do so. Knowledge quite literally saved her. One kind person saved her.

I think we should all use our intuition and try to understand where others are coming from. Avoid those with, for lack of a better word, "bad vibes". Those who deliberately avoid knowledge. Those who are legitimately hateful. Those who may have chosen their perspective later in life, fully consciously and willingly. There are other people, however, who aren't lost causes. Who simply need to talk to one person outside of their toxic circle. I need to work on this too. It seems hopeless. Awful for our mental health. An uphill battle. But we can't give up, either.

At this point, I'm not really talking about Mormons... though there's overlap. I'm talking about Conservatives. Tories. Fascist-leaning individuals. Because if they continue to hate us, their hate tends to be much more dangerous than ours.

[just-imagine-bleach]

HI! I rarely see any bleach content creatures and got really excited when I saw yours! If it’s alright with you can I request a Byakuya x soul reaper fem reader fic (I hope this is the right word for it) where she fell in love with Byakuya ever since she met him and on a daily basis reminds him of it? Like always trying to impress him, give him gifts, help him out and etc. She pursues him but Byakuya never acknowledges her feelings until one day she finds out he already loves someone else (his dead wife) and after realizing that she stops realizing he could never love her? Only for Byakuya to realize how much he misses y/n when she stopped and decides to confess to her himself? I hope this isn’t too much!

Hi there! Not at all! I'm sorry to be such a slow poke in answering. I'm sorry I couldn't do a fic like you wanted. My writing abilities are sub par at best... So I did headcanons from byakuyas perspective instead! :) I really hope you enjoy it!

He has seen the look in your eyes, the adoration in your smile when he thanks you for the fresh cup of tea, the way you steal glances when you work side by side. He isn’t a fool. He should push you away, like he did the others. Set boundaries. However, he just can’t bring himself to do so. He’d hate to admit it, but he finds comfort in the small gestures of affection that you offer and the idea of you stopping causes him quite a bit of anxiety. So, He keeps quiet and selfishly acts oblivious.

At one point or another, however, something changes. Slowly you are slipping away from him, creating a rift between the two of you, and he’s sickened by the thought that you had given up on him. Perhaps it's for the best, he thinks, to take comfort in someone's affection knowing full well that to reciprocate such feelings would dishonor the memory of his late wife is despicable. In his mind. He was being punished.

Byakuya should have left things the way they were, but as time grew so did the rift and it was killing him slowly on the inside. He desperately missed your companionship, He missed your nagging, he missed the way you would laugh at his jokes, but most of all, he missed just having you in the room with him.

It was time for an honest conversation.

When you tell him why you withdrew yourself, hes so relieved that you are already aware and understand his situation. He's so touched by the amount of respect and care you have treated him with, but at the same time, he is absolutely kicking himself for underestimating you. He confesses that he misses your presence in his life. He doesn't ask you to wait for him, he feels that would be cruel, as he may never be able to return your feelings without the looming guilt, but he does ask that you stay in his life as his very dear friend even if you choose to move on. 

But of course we both know that won't happen.

He visits his wife's shrine often to talk mainly to himself. He knows she's not there, she was put back into the cycle eons ago, but it still brings him comfort. it's during one such trip that he finally comes to terms with his feelings and what happened, and finally decides to move forward with what he feels would be his wife's blessing. 

His confession is long awaited, months, maybe years have gone by, he hopes your affections had not waned.

He waits until the two of you have the privacy of his office to present you with flowers, a token of his gratitude, asking simply if you might be free for dinner one night.

[chuplayswithfire]

hello! i found your blog recently and have really enjoyed reading your meta - specifically re: your recent post about izzy and the comment that - "its to izzy’s credit that i dont think he gathered that this was what was occurring" as someone who has complicated feelings about izzy but ultimately enjoys him as a character (even though i'd hate him if i met him IRL), i spend a lot of time thinking about what i want out of izzy's storyline/character progression in future seasons. i think there's so much we don't know about him and so much that could be done, and i would love to see him have the opportunity to grow and change - and i think the way he got everything he thought he wanted and now everything is a fucking mess because of it has the opportunity to be a catalyst for that. this may be grasping at straws but at least based on that post, it doesn't seem like you think he's beyond the point of change i guess? (using "change" specifically since idk that "redemption" is the right word and i can't think of a better one.) i think in a show about found family and community care, i would love to see izzy have the opportunity to try to become better and maybe try to right the wrongs he's caused as much as is possible. i think the idea that someone who has caused harm has the opportunity to realize that harm and want to become better is an interesting storyline that the writers of ofmd could really do justice to. but i will grant that i'm maybe somewhat biased since i personally think he has potential and i just want him to become a better person, haha. basically, i'm sending this ask bc i appreciate your perspective and the meta you've already written, and i'm curious if you think this is possible for his character? if you do, what do you think that might look like? if not, what would you want to see the writers do with him instead? (anyway, i hope this ask is not a bother and you definitely don't have to take the time to answer it - i'd just be interested in your opinion if you wanted to!)

Firstly, thank you for reaching out! Your ask isn't a bother, though I won't lie I at first was a bit surprised to be receiving the question, but...

My thoughts on Izzy are complex, partly because if Izzy Hands were a real person i would want to run as far away from him as possible, given he's practically the human manifestation of sublimating your worst impulses onto other people, being overly possessive and entitled to another person, and also like, *super* invested in toxic masculinity and homophobia. He reminds me of the no fats no femmes type of guys I met when I worked at the Pride Center for my university.

But Izzy Hands is NOT a real person, he's a character, so I can engage with him in a way that feels more compassionate and kind than I would Izzy Hands if he were a real person. He's make believe, he's a part to play, he's a role within a wider narrative. And in that role and narrative, I do think that it's probable that Izzy will change for the better. I think this because OFMD has a pretty hopeful bent to it, a pretty reparative/restorative justice tinge rather than a punitive tinge to it, but mostly I think so because Ed and Stede are the main characters of this story, and I think it would do a lot for Ed's healing and journey for Izzy to grow enough to apologize and then get out of Ed's life.

I personally do not see a world where Izzy and Ed stay on the same ship and Ed is able to be emotionally safe, secure, happy and in love with Stede, just because all of those are kinda against Izzy's own interests, and as much as I do have some compassion for Izzy, OFMD asked me to love a LOT of white men lmao and Stede is the problematic white man who takes up all my bandwidth. I have nothing left for Izzy but an exasperation at how determined this man is to wreck Ed because he's too scared of change to give it a try.

tldr: I do think the show will write Izzy in a direction of positive change, because this would be beneficial to the narrative and especially to Ed's healing.

[endofroxd]

There's a smug look on his face as she gives him the finger, same kind he'd get in high school when a cheerleader would fight the urge to like him. It felt strangely similar, perhaps with this whole cop thing out of the way they'd have an easier time. Perhaps they could even be friends. Adam was short on those these days. Seemed he was either hated over a lie, or otherwise hated for being shit at making that lie work. There was no winning, and he needed a fucking win.

Her following words held such a compelling amount of determination and hope that he almost felt bad not sharing in on them. For having such a vastly different perspective. And he would have kept it to himself, only for some strange reason he was allowing himself to be more open than he'd been for a long time. "Happy..." he repeated the word, as if it was the first time hearing it, considering it even. Did such a thing even exist? Was he ever actually happy? If he was, he could not recall. "I hope you get all that...I really fucking do." and it's genuine, it's written all over his face just how much he means it.

But then he looks down to his hands, brows furrowing. "I don't think I'm ever getting out." it's a bold, hopeless statement. But he felt it, in his bones he knew, there was no real out. "'Cause say, even if I do -- I'll still bring this place with me. Everything I've seen everything I've..." he couldn't quite express it, the way this place, this ecosystem as she called it, imprinted itself into every molecule of his being. "How long would it take not run home before the sun sets? How long before I stop lookin' over my shoulder? Before I stop to fear every...every fucking tree? How long before I shake this place off my mind? Get some real sleep? How long before I can fit in with...with normal people? Care again about -- about I don't know, sports? Vacations? Normal...people...things?" there's a sigh, knowing all this wondering will never lead anywhere. "And that's...that's a good outcome. That's if, if I get out of here and people actually believe what happened which -- which they won't. I mean, would you? In their place?" --- "So not only would I have to go through all that, but I'd have to do so alone. I'd have to keep quiet about it, never tell a soul 'cause if I do -- well, they'll think I'm crazy, right? I'd have to come up with excuses, have to make up lies, keep track of 'em...til eventually I start questioning my own sanity. Questioning if any of it was ever real at all..." he clears his throat, lighting the joint now, eyes on the ceiling. "And if by some miracle we all got out together, all of us, I wouldn't be alone. Not really. But every day I'd look at a reminder of this place, relive it...be right back here again. And again, and again." finally his eyes will find her again.

"So no, Cherry, I don't think I'm ever getting out. Don't think I'll ever be happy again." And that was that. Truth an' all. As depressing as it may have sounded, he felt somewhat better letting it out. "Your car --- you know, if you do get out 'least you got something to go back to."

Though her words weren't really bringing any light into the room, in contrast they felt good. "Yeah 's nice to feel wanted..." he mimics her again now. "Or whatever." smile is almost soft, and while being wanted had its perks, he learnt the hard way not to confuse desire with affection -- with feelings. Finally he will laugh, it's short but it's deep and it's welcomed. "In their defence you do be talking a lot of shit -- guess that's what that mouth do, huh?" it's cheeky, and very blatantly nothing more than a gentle nudge. "I don't mind it though, for real, it's witty...I'd say charming even but, don't want it getting to your head..."

Finally, he'll eye the gun again. "I know they don't die, it's good target practice though. We can make a game out of it. You a good shot?"

IT'S HALF REFLEX FOR CHERRY TO GIVE HIM THE FINGER . it's less of a malicious act than a blunt one, her brow arching his way as her eyes glint with something close to teasing . " eat me, bennett ." the response is as quick as anything, loosened a bit with the buzz of alcohol in her system . the fact was, cherry didn't think before she acted at the best of times, but while drunk ? she'd be lucky if she said something she kinda wanted to anyways . and that's truthfully not always the case . but the good thing was, she didn't give much of a fuck about what officer adam had to think of what she had to say . so really, it basically worked out . she hears him walking and shuffling about rather than sees it, her gaze still on the ceiling as she lays on her back on the motel desk . it's grounding to have the hard wood against her spine . even with the screams and the shouting cherry is pretty sure she'd feel better like this than sat up . she snorts at his words before she hums . " ain't all the biblical stuff the whole point ?" cherry asks in half amusement . she moves to reach for the forgotten bottle where it is by her knee . it's a bit too far for her fingers to get to it . she huffs in her frustration, her lips twisting into a frown . she reaches for it on and off as she listens to him, fingers stretching and failing, stretching and failing . it's not until she fully registers his words that she stops, her hand dropping to the wood as she turns and looks at him . her face scrunches . " speak for yourself . i'm getting out ." the words are firm in cherry's determination . she feels something in her stomach twist at the concept he laid out . at the idea of them fucking suffering in here forever, until death . her jaw clenches at it . " that's the only reason i'm staying alive . to give this place a big fuck you ." her eyes are back on the ceiling as she swallows thickly . " i don't want to die here . then this whole fucking shit ecosystem wins, y'know ? i want to get out and burn that fucking tree in the road and then maybe piss on it after that and —" cherry finds herself gesturing with her words, with pent up frustration . " and fuckin' live a damn life that's not just this !" cherry gestures to everything around them with both hands . her chest feels tight . " cause i don't want to suffer, and i don't want nothing, i want to be happy, adam ." her voice cracks before her throat is clicking with another thick swallow . she moves to bring the cigarette back to her lips, only to find her fingers are trembling too much with — something to make it there . cherry can't tell if it's fear or anger or something else entirely making her tremor at this point . maybe it's all three . she drops her hand again before her face twists as she turns to look at him, something almost hesitant in her gaze even as she tries to bite out her words . " you really don't think we're makin' it out ?"

adam's apology catches her off guard enough to smooth over the frayed edges of her temper . she glances at him briefly at it and finds herself still looking as he goes on . there's a beat there where cherry feels her heart clench tight . she has to clench her jaw just as tight to keep from doing something stupid like getting misty eyed . "... i didn't think about it like that ." cherry says as she turns her gaze back to the ceiling . she tries to think of her sweet chevvy, gutted and cleaned out for parts just so they could survive in a place like this . all those memories tainted and taunting her in the car graveyard . she wouldn't have been able to do it, she's pretty sure . would've kicked up a real fuss about it too . " no, you're right ." cherry swallows at the admission before she's finally able to bring her cig back to her lips with steady hands . there's a long drag before she's blowing smoke out from her nostrils . " it's better that she doesn't have to see all this ." it's a half hearted quip at best . cherry licks the seam of her lips and nods . " it's good that i spared her ." the words feel heavier than they should for a moment, and cherry has to remind herself that she's talking about the car . they're talking about a her car . she reminds herself of that until her eyes feel a little drier and her heart feels a bit more steady . by the time she's hearing adam's laughter it's a welcome enough distraction that she tries to focus on the sound of it . " it's fine to like it ." cherry shrugs, the movement easy . " i like it sometimes too . s'nice to feel ... wanted or whatever ." it's chance that cherry's head was half turned towards him as she said the words . she blinks at his miming but doesn't hesitate to toss the lighter over, quick and under handed . despite herself her lips twitch into a grin at his words . she snorts genuinely . " you're a fucking asshole ." it's said in more amusement than she'd like to admit before cherry shakes her head, easy as she says, " nope . they all love my mouth until i start usin' it to talk back . s'bullshit ." cherry is lucky to sit up in time to catch the gun . she's also pretty lucky the safety is on . but cherry's overall a pretty lucky girl . before all of this she would've said she was one of god's favourites . the joke feels only more ironic now . " tried that . they won't fuckin' die ." cherry makes a face even as she holds the gun comfortably, pointing it towards the window of the motel . something screeches outside . she ignores it . " it won't even hurt them . they barely trip ." she makes a face as she huffs, moving to turn the pistol over in her hands in almost longing . " made me get my gun confiscated for nothin' ... " she pouts .