#Mangoo

[darkngoo]

Roblox skin

[ruminate88]

Healing Journal 06/26/24: More Discoveries

I was backing out of my driveway yesterday and right into an Amazon driver but he was in a regular car, not a truck…. (Thank God) he shouldn’t have been parked in the middle of the street but I guess I was more scatter brained than I realized. I was SO sure the street was clear before I backed out. (I was wrong) The craziest part of it all, the bump against his car was so small and did no real damage. The guy was overly nice about it and said not to worry. I drove away feeling SO FREAKIN TERRIBLE. I beat myself up off and on through out the whole day. I was even more upset to tell my husband about it… but why??

I thought my husband would be upset at me and yell at me… In all my relationships, my exes made me feel bad at every turn. Everything was my fault. Andrew’s stress and fears in college was some how my problem. I was the reason he was going to fail. I couldn’t just share my feelings with him freely. It all goes even deeper than him. Jake was very very critical on me at every turn. Always in my face for YEARS telling me what I’m doing wrong in my life!! But it goes even DEEPER than Jake, back to when I’m in school and made to feel stupid. Made to believe I can do nothing on my own unless a teacher’s aid helps me. I’ve been helpless before. Now I’m grown and doing things for myself!!! I was always scared to drive a car because I never felt smart and didn’t wanna hurt anyone. The fact I am driving at all is a testament to my own strength and smarts if I would just believe in myself. 🥺🫶🏻👏🏻👍🏻

I told myself the right thing do is tell my husband as soon as I get home but inside my head, I’m already prepared for him to be upset and already shielding myself!! 🫣 Yet, I don’t have to. Sure, my husband doesn’t want me hurt, my car damaged or to have to pay for damage on someone else’s car but once I told him the other car was fine and let me go, my husband dropped it. Doesn’t mean he’s happy for what I did but he did NOT yell or put me down. In that moment I started to converse in my head and remind myself, “Your husband is a good guy and not like your exes. Relax.”

My trust has been broken so much in the past, I struggle to even trust myself BUT how do you have a life after betrayals if you DO NOT trust again?? It’s almost a gamble for me. Putting faith in my husband is scary but that’s the only way I can have a relationship with him. He’s started to play Pokémon go again and decided last night he wanted to walk to our park and play an event that lasted an hour. I was already in my pjs and about to clean up dinner. I didn’t go with him and I instantly battle in my head. He told me where he was going and when he would be back…. He followed through as he always does. So, I told myself “You either trust him and make this relationship work or you push him away.”

THEN there is other side of all this where I almost carelessly feel, “If he is lying like Andrew did, then so be it. It’s out of my control.” I mean, my mom has repeatedly tried to convince me my husband doesn’t have time to cheat but I KNOW men can find ways to cheat and you won’t even know it. Only from experiences and heartbreaks, do I feel this way truly. The problem is within me. Not just my husband but trusting the world in general. You don’t see life the same way after emotional abuse. You see people in a very negative light and it’s really unfair because one or two bad apples should not ruin the whole bunch. Right?

Also, I’m my own worst critic. I was so hard on myself after backing into another car because growing up I never felt smart enough or good enough. Jake, Cody and Andrew made me feel just horrible about myself. As an impact of their treatment towards me, I subconsciously accepted their lies and believed I’ve not been good. I’ve never felt like I should have really nice stuff. I feel guilty when I do get nice gifts from people or when people do things for me. I want to give and struggle to recieve. I know what it’s like to be used by selfish individuals and I’m terrified to be selfish, cold or to mistreat anyone. I always fear I’ll hurt my husband and his wonderful parents because I’m so angry at myself and my past. I LOVED Cody and Andrew soooo much and it just feels awful to know they only saw me as this weak and pathetic object they can sexualize and abuse. I KNOW I had worth. That’s why they wanted me to start with. They wanted to feel my worth in their own selves and couldn’t so they tried to tare me down and keep me from feeling my own worth.

Making all these incredible discoveries allows me food for thought. I’ve been hurt sooooo much it’s like I wait for it to happen every day. I feel I give myself to my husband and then deep in the back of my mind, I want to take it back cuz I’m vulnerable and unsure of my reality. I don’t wanna self sabotage anymore. I’ve done it since a child. Always rushing to put my own self down so when others do it, I don’t hurt as bad. It’s amazing to me how life keeps throwing me lesson after lesson and some lessons I get right away and others I have to break them down and visualize them before it makes sense. I STILL would not hurt Andrew as much as he’s wounded me. I know part of me says, “you’re just defending your ex abuser” BUT I mean, my love was pure and genuine. I’m working to regain my trust, my love and respect for myself and my marriage.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[granma-sweetie]

cheese cake……..

[moonlight12086]

Happy birthday @its-a-me-mango , I brought you a cake here!

By the way, when someone celebrates their birthday in Colombia, they are thrown eggs and flour, soo-

Get ready 🥺

[cogneartive]

my friend enjoys the blues mangoos but i keep accidentally calling them the moody blues in my head

[thiirsdaygirl]

watching rotten mango videos and spending two hours drawing one fucking sleeve is a new low for me

[picklewednesday]

burp

[yukinekochan]

What's your favorite 🐞🐈‍⬛

Cms by Mangoo Neko

[melerbytes]

everybody want mangoo🥭

[honeygrahambitch]

I too was told by a man that I am like a PowerPoint that has a lot of writing on the slides and people try to read as much as possible but the teacher is skipping very fast through the presentation and i think that is the closest thing I will ever be compared to Mangoos under the floorboards

[goziberra]

mangoo

[bleep-bloop-boo]

Ehehehe I'm not either of those people, but I am a writer! I don't post much writing to tumblr but I always have OC brainrot. And I like Mango!

Hmmm another clue . . . I have a simple avatar/pfp that I drew a couple years ago on a computer and it's kinda silly and also very simple did I say simple it's like a quick little doodle, black on white

-🦩

yayay MANGOO :DD

are you.... @galaxys-universe @thecrazyalchemist or @mikey-innit

(i feel like its @thecrazyalchemist )

[kaylmao]

mangoo

[klutzyghost13]

Nick & Char

.

.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the editing. The resources used in the video belongs to their respective owners.

This song may be muted in some places due to Copyright.

.

.

.

.

Show: Heartstopper

Scene: Season 1 Episode 1 Meet

Scene: Season 1 Episode 4 Secret

Scene: Season 1 Episode 5 Friend

Scene: Season 1 Episode 6 Girls

Scene: Season 1 Episode 8 Boyfriend

Scene: Season 2 Episode 1 Out

Scene: Season 2 Episode 3 Promise

Scene: Season 2 Episode 4 Challenge

Scene: Season 2 Episode 5 Heat

Scene: Season 2 Episode 6 Truth/Dare

.

.

.

Song: Play

Artist: K-391, Alan Walker, Tungevaag, Mangoo

.

.

[spookbooo]

MANGOO!!! Risesona I hate him (/pos) he’s so great

[spuddragon]

MANGOO SPROUUUT