#Making It Through

[relativefict1on]

every day is a miracle / not to mention a threat

[professorzombiesquirrel]

How to live in a toxic environment

A while back, I was in a toxic workplace situation. I couldn't afford to quit, but it was a miserable place to work: the viciousness, the cliques, the political gaming, it was chipping away at me, and I didn't know what to do.

I looked around at the people who had been there longer than me. Not the mean ones; not the ones who seemed to find joy in creating and maintaining this toxic situation, but the ones I respected. I wondered, "How has that person managed it? Why do they stay? Do they know something I don't?"

And in answer to that final question: those people, the ones who seemed to be genuinely good people living through a bad situation, they all seemed to do two things to make it through intact: one thing that was common amongst them and one that was unique to each individual.

The common thing? They stayed true to who they were. They didn't give up parts of themselves to "fit in" or to be a "good colleague," as we were often told to do. They weren't confrontational about it, but they also didn't hide who they were. They were unabashedly themselves.

And let me tell you, as a person just starting out, that was so good to see. I had often been told I needed to hide parts of myself to fit in and get ahead, and here these people were simply showing up as who they were.

The individual thing? Each of them figured out the best way through FOR THEM.

One of them, she found ways to engage with the people we served, but stayed out of the workplace culture as much as possible. She did her job--but she invested in the people we were serving rather than the ones we were trying to work alongside. She formed a community with the people we served, and it was a beautiful thing.

One of them was willing to be a part of the workplace culture, but ONLY DURING WORKING HOURS and not a minute more. She didn't do extra work to try to ingratiate herself or to further the "battles" that were raging. She did what she was paid to do and nothing more. And then she went home and spent time with her family and friends and left the job behind her.

Another one found ways to engage with the people she felt safe with in non-work activities: a reading group; a monthly luncheon. And at each of these activities, we weren't allowed to talk about the job or the people there.

I was so glad to be a part of the group she felt safe with because it taught me that kindness, camaraderie, and fun are always good for what ails you.

My workplace situation now is better, but far from perfect. However, I have good strategies for staying whole and making it through, and now more than ever, I'm going to lean on those in all aspects of my life:

I am not going to shy away from who I am. I am in a space where it is relatively safe for me to do that, and I know that that is a privilege--I don't take that for granted. But I am so tired of trying to fit in or go along with the flow so as not to create ripples. That was slowly destroying me, so now, I'm me and I don't apologize for it.

I set hard limits. Work hours are work hours. Non-work hours are non-work hours. I don't let work seep in when I'm off the clock if I can help it. But this also applies to other things. If I don't want to engage with social media or the news for a few days, then I'm not going to--and the people around me aren't allowed to try to give me "a little peek" or "tell me just one thing." This also means that if someone wants to engage me in a conversation I'm not comfortable with, I'm going to say no and disengage. [Amy Poehler has a great line in her autobiography: "No is the end of the conversation, not the beginning of a negotiation"]. Finally, this means if there are people in my life who are't good for me, who are negative, abusive, or otherwise hurtful, I'm going to cut them out or avoid them to the best of my abilities.

I make sure to stay connected to those people who give me joy, who make me feel love and happiness and I make sure they know how much I love them. This is all about my people. My best friend lives on the other side of the country and has a horrible work schedule, but we make sure to zoom every two or three weeks just to check in. We also send lots of silly text messages to each other just to say hi or hugs or hey did you hear about that comic book?!? My partner and I often end up sending emails and texts during the day--little things or even cute stories--just to check in and say "hey, I was thinking about you." Even the people I don't talk to as regularly, I try to remind them I love them: I send cheap little Halloween cards, Holiday cards, and Valentine cards to them. I send emails out of the blue just to say hi. And I say "I Love You" to all of them as much as possible--I don't want any of them to ever doubt that there is someone who prizes and adores them--someone for whom the world is better because they are in it. We all need to know that, so I make sure the people I love do.

Do any of these strategies make the big bads of the world go away? Not necessarily.

But they make me feel more resilient, grounded, and ready to face what's ahead. And that is important.

Moving forward, I am going to protect myself and love myself. And I am going to love the people around me--just flood them with it. And together, we're going to make it through this.

[julia-not-roberts]

too much at the same time.

[bookswordsworlds]

"The point is, few stick around. They spend their adult lives trying to make sense of this place, trying to bring a small measure of order to it, and then they can't stand to stay here once their job is done. The work does that to you. It robs you of your accomplishment. There is no reward for making it through." - Lost Light by Michael Connelly - A Harry Bosch novel.

[trexalicious]

This is not just for depression. It's for anxiety, grief, being overwhelmed, and so many other emotions! Please remember to take care of you! ❤

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over. 

put on clean, comfortable clothes. 

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink. 

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something. 

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

[thathazelnut]

Idek

Art of my OC Resin, one of the things I'm finishing (finally)

[heppileppi]

not only would they win a gift card but also a mug

[beachedtotoro]

Day by day by day I'm here still

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY 321

Just in case if any of you had to fight to make it to the end of day. Hopefully it will be better soon. More thoughts later.

[wanologic]

sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool

[agentperezbian]

I'm curious. Tag this with your sexuality and what your favorite M/F ship is.

[hinamie]

matching eye horror for u and ur back-from-the-dead bestie <333

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!

(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave

[exilley]

I do sort of wish western anime fans would analyze anime and manga from a framework of japanese historical and cultural context. Specifically a lot of works from the 90s being influenced by the general aimlessness and ennui that a lot of people were experiencing due to the burst in the bubble economy and the national trauma caused by the sarin terrorist attack. I think in interacting with media that’s not local to our sociocultural/sociopolitical sphere it’s easy to forget that it’s influenced and shaped by the same kinds of factors that influence media within our own cultural dome and there ends up being this baseline misalignment of perception between the causative elements of a narrative and viewer interpretation of those elements. It’s a form of death of the author that i think, in some measure, hinders our ability to fully understand/come to terms with creator intent and the full scope of a work’s merits