#MY OLIVIA POPE IS HUMAN.

[katrinapavela]

QTNA: 10 Questions I Would Like Kerry Washington’s Memoir, Thicker Than Water to Answer

Kerry Washington’s memoir, Thicker Than Water, will be available to the masses on the 26th of September, and I have questions that need answers. Well, I would like to have answers.  I pre-ordered it in June when it was announced, and I’ll be receiving a second copy when I see her in Manchester in October (Kerry, you better not cancel this leg of the tour. I worry because we’re the only stop that still doesn’t have a confirmed special guest). Before a million reviewers start leaking and the full-court press is unleashed this week, I thought it would be fun to post some of my own questions about Ms. Washington that I hope are answered in Thicker.  To be clear, I read the same excerpt on Oprah.com as the rest of y’all. And I won’t be reading any advanced reviews until mine own eyes have completed all 320 pages of Kerry’s words. I am really looking forward to reading it, and hope to recommend it to my Black women-only reading group. 

As an actress, I have liked Kerry Washington since I watched Save the Last Dance in the early 2000s. And in each subsequent film I’ve watched that featured her, I’ve felt like Tony Goldwyn (but not as intense): Oh hey, it’s that really great actress and she’s always giving something different. But I never explicitly sought after articles or interviews, preferring to casually enjoy her work instead. 

That changed with Scandal. My dedication to the show hedged on its compelling narrative themes. But it was the compelling relationship between Kerry’s Olivia Pope and Tony Goldwyn’s Fitzgerald Grant that created magic. It cast a spell that elicited from me reams of writing about Scandal between 2012-2018. In fact, the series changed the whole trajectory of Kerry Washington’s career (and my life, too ). It also brought significantly more eyes upon her. The first vehicle built around Kerry, Scandal gave her acting space to breathe, develop and shine. I also continued to watch the smattering of films she made during that era (Django Unchained, Peeples, Confirmation), and began reading interviews with her--both before and during Scandal. I began to notice the way in which the availability of information shifted, receded (or removed), and sometimes became opaque under a claim of ‘privacy’ whilst also offering the veneer of accessibility from late 2013 onward. Granted, I do not run any obsequious fan accounts about Kerry, so I know there will be some who try to rattle off any number of things I “should know” because they have inhaled every morsel of information and made its consumption and regurgitation their entire online personality. But I am also not a hater who consumes the actor's every move for the purpose of group chat gossip. I like knowing things about people I admire because I like to find points of connection, perspective, recognition…and differences. I admire Kerry Washington…or what she’s allowed me to see. The problem is, when I think about her, I think about a person who seems good and cares fiercely for her country, family, and other people. She’s well-regarded. She’s funny. She’s stylish. She has a great capacity for information. But. 

She also seems secretive, and that’s different from being private. I feel like I know of her, about her. But who is she, really? That lack of clarity is partly by design, of course, due to her profession. Still, I hope Thicker Than Water answers the soul of that question: Who is Kerry Washington? 

It is with that central question in mind that I pose the following questions. These are MY questions. I am not here to represent anyone’s fandom. I know, too, that I don’t have a ‘right’ to have any of these questions answered. I’m not delulu (as the kids say). I’m being as honest as I can with my own curiosities about Kerry, as both an actress and a human. 

These are my questions. I am not here to represent a fandom. Let’s get into the QTNA of it all.

Q1: What childhood scars still itch even into adulthood?

In a recent interview, Kerry mentioned that her therapist has read her book. Samesies! When I finished the pre-copyedited draft of my first book, I started connecting some childhood dots to a few of my ongoing challenges. I asked my therapist to read it so that we could be on the same page in our sessions. It is for this reason that I wonder if Kerry’s reading back of her own writing was revelatory to her in ways she was not able to consciously unlock before. Are there things still there under the surface, the ghosts of which still tingle and itch sometimes no matter how much therapy she has had? Falling back into patterns is easy; undoing them takes so much self-awareness and intentionality. 

Secondly, I ask the question based on the excerpt from Thicker that was chosen to appear on Oprah.com. Beautifully conveyed with a stark honesty I had never seen from Kerry, the selection chosen is one that gives us a sliver into the dysfunctions of the Washington’s marriage. Ones that were quite literally disruptive to 7-year-old Kerry. Aristotle famously said, “Give me the child until [s]he is 7 and I will show you the [wo]man.” The theory of the first 7 years of a child’s life has been debated in Psychology. However, anecdotally, I can tell you that both my wife and I carry deeply impactful memories of our selves at age 7, the threads of which still linger. So, why is that memory offered as the amuse bouche to the drawing back of the curtains of Kerry Washington’s life which Thicker Than Water promises (or ‘her truth’ as Kerry calls it)? Does the excerpt set a foundation for the grown up Kerry we now see? For me, the excerpt made me wonder if young Kerry’s (confessed) determination to be the living embodiment of the pleasing, “good” thing that bonded her parents together was the start of a perfectionism that would be hard to shake. Control issues that would find her guarding a carefully curated image that avoids like the plague the possibility of being seen as ‘problematic’ for a stance, an opinion, a view? Or it could be that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. That is entirely possible.  

Q2: Did you experience any body dysmorphia issues during your first pregnancy? Was your second pregnancy different?

This is a difficult and very personal question. I know. It is based on two things: 1) the unusual language Kerry used to refer to her changing body during that time; and 2) the fact that she mentioned, prior to Scandal, she struggled with an eating disorder. 

During Kerry’s first pregnancy (2013-2014), I don’t recall her using the word ‘pregnant’. She would say things like how the ‘condition’, ‘orientation’, or ‘physicality’ of her body changed when discussing how she approached acting during that time. I don’t recall her talking about it in personable ways. It felt like if she didn’t have to acknowledge what our eyes could plainly see, she would not have. Kerry appeared much more comfortable with her second pregnancy (2017). Listen, I have never been pregnant. In fact, I am terrified of it, which is why I wonder what it must be like for someone who has struggled with an eating disorder (which can cause body dysmorphia issues). How did Kerry come to embrace such a purposeful but very disrupting change to her body?  I have been around a fair number of pregnant women, so I know it’s not all ‘miracle of life’ stuff. The typical pregnancy narratives out there from celebrities don’t typically discuss this unless we can relate it back to inequalities in maternal health care. Even if they do, I’m asking for Kerry Washington’s perspective. I could be entirely wrong, but I’d still like to know was the changing of her body hard for her. I’d love to know how she felt after her first child was born, and what motherhood feels like for her. 

A related thing about which I am curious: Did she have any fertility issues and struggle with getting pregnant? And why did she wait until after it was beyond obvious during her Saturday Night Live appearance in early November 2013 to officially confirm she was pregnant? What fear was the fear behind this late decision? 

Q3: What makes you sad, insecure, or sometimes need to retreat into yourself?

Kerry seems like a high-energy, joyful, positive person. She’s commented that as an Aquarius, she loves all sorts of people. I can see that. As an introverted Cancerian, I appreciate high-energy people…in doses. Every talk show appearance, red carpet interview, and social media content are all carefully presenting a woman who is very together. I say this because sometimes Kerry speaks in therapy language even when she’s trying to be sincere about overcoming battles. Of course, the image one projects (me, too) is always only partially true—whatever the industry.  Kerry is a person and most of us do not have it all together, no matter how much we present it as such, or how much we sweep aside the less salubrious, more complicated parts of ourselves. It’s that stuff that I’m interested in. Where are her edges? Negativity may be ‘noise’ (as Kerry’s Twitter banner displays), but it also gives positivity its meaning. I also recall a saying that happy people are usually the most fucked up ones. Now, I’m not accusing Ms. `Washington of being uniquely fucked up, because we all are in some ways. The always ‘on’ facade is typically a way of hiding (just one of the tools) the things we don’t think we can show. Is she a trainwreck in the mornings and a bitch in the afternoon? Please, I just want to know something real…about Kerry, not just about her parents and her career. 

Q4: In what ways, are you like your character Olivia Pope? 

On an episode of Unpacking the Toolbox podcast, Kerry’s co-stars/friends, Guillermo Diaz, and Katie Lowes, said that out of everyone in the cast, Kerry is the most like her character (Olivia Pope). Would Kerry say this is accurate or fair? If so, what characteristics does she have in common with Olivia? Please spare me surface-level, obfuscating comparisons such as ‘We look alike :)’ or ‘We’re both passionate about democracy!’ Somehow, I don’t think that’s what Katie and Guillermo meant. I don’t presume anything untoward. I also understand why actors in long-running shows are usually at pains to separate the actor from the character, especially when that character’s messy humanity is on display for everyone to judge. But, again, give me something of substance here. 

Q5: In what ways do you draw on your Jamaican heritage? How are you imparting that to your children along with their Nigerian Igbo heritage? And who are your father’s people?

Kerry has been very vocal about her mother’s Jamaican heritage. She has been vocal about immigration, sharing that her maternal grandparents came to America via Ellis Island.  In the summer of 2023, she was in Jamaica to film a special about dance forms from around the world. As a Jamaican myself, I would like something more concrete about her Jamaican background. She often mentions her Jamaican heritage, but in what ways is it important to her? How does she call on that heritage as part of her identity? How is she (or not) imparting that sense of culture to her children alongside their Igbo heritage? Lastly, I’m less certain of her father’s origins (presumably in the American South). I’d like to know more about that. 

Q6: Why was Hollywood the calling? Did you feel like changing course? If so, when and what put you back on the path towards who you’ve become?

This question is about Kerry’s early experiences in Hollywood. In an old interview (hopefully, I didn’t hallucinate this), she mentioned being told early on to lose 30 pounds and fix her teeth, at which she scoffed. Despite the contemporary irony juxtaposed against the past demand, where did she get the strength of determination and belief in herself to push past what those assholes could not see? As plucky as she seems, everyone has low moments when they are pushing for a dream. What’s one of hers from those early years?

In another interview (or the same?) Kerry mentioned giving herself a year to become a working actor in Hollywood. This is after her post-University travels to India to study Yoga. I want to know more about the jump from Yoga to Hollywood. What was that internal calling, or was it a casual, young adventurous thing she thought she would try? Did the move to Hollywood occur during a highly ambivalent part of her life? If so, how did that feel as a Black woman, since those women are often under pressure to take up a more guaranteed profession than the arts?

Q7: What did you find most challenging about working on Scandal—both as an actress and as a person? What nonsense did you and your castmates get up to behind the scenes? 

Kerry has been very grateful for landing a show like Scandal and for the fine company of actors with whom she got to work. Great, but can she tell us the non-PR stuff? I’m not talking about back-biting—I don’t care. I’m always interested in the process for actors and all the changes they go through when working on a long-term project.  American TV shows have 16-24 episode commitments every year. That has got to dominate a person’s life! What are some specific ways it impacted Kerry’s life? Actors have talked about how unrelenting the TV schedule is, including Shonda’s reflections in her 2015 book about the incessant demand to ‘lay track’ (write) so that the train that is the TV show doesn’t run off course. I already know that Kerry has borrowed from Ellen Pompeo, the advice to approach being #1 on the call sheet of a TV show the way an athlete would approach her dedicated sport. The point here is that I’m not seeking more information on enduring the schedule. I’m interested in how she kept the motivation and rationale for her character over such a long period. What did she do when she had disagreements about things Olivia was written to do? Would she have done anything differently? What was the thing that Olivia did that she found hardest to justify? Who was that one guest star who gave her nothing when they acted together (alluded to in Unpacking the Toolbox, episode 107)?  And finally, can she stop playing diplomat and just say that Tony is the better kisser?  

Q8: IDTAMPL was weird. What was the fear behind that, and how do you now define ‘personal life’?

For the uninitiated, or those with short-term memories, the acronym IDTAMPL stands for I Don’t Talk About My Personal Life. Kerry adopted this saying whenever she was interviewed after her marriage to Nnamdi Asomugha was announced on the 3rd of July 2013. Occurring on the brink of the holiday weekend, the news dropped like a bomb in the Scandal fandom. Even outside the fandom. Many were flummoxed, including me. On the 4th of July, I attended a celebration in London with a fellow American who is a big-time Philadelphia Eagles (Nnamdi’s former team) football fan, including the gossip surrounding the team.  As soon as she opened her door to me, she said, “Your girl married Nnamdi?!” She consumed more football than Scandal at the time. Suffice it to say, I have left out the accurate number of question marks and exclamations in her voice. Her face, too, was full of them. 

Listen, we used to be a proper country. Many celebrities, with and without talent, have lost the art of mystique, preferring instead to cultivate the marketing skill of capturing attention and selling it to us as actual talent. 

I am thankful for those celebrities who maintain the mystique of a bygone era. Intrigue me, but don’t shut the door completely. The latter is what it felt like Kerry did after it was announced that she was married. Prior to the announcement, I don’t recall the media being that interested in Kerry’s dating life. It was not a topic that came up. Nor did Kerry ever let on that she was dating, let alone that she had been involved with Asomugha for three years (according to Kerry’s timeline of their meeting in 2009 when she did the Broadway play, Race). I have no qualms with celebrities who don’t make their partners part of their public image, or the ones who wed outside the limelight (Margot Robbie, Chris Evans (recently)). What I don’t like is when they pretend that they didn’t volunteer the information in the first place. Kerry’s team announced the marriage, even giving PR-friendly People Online titbits from “a source close to the couple” about Kerry’s ‘regular’ looking wedding dress (I kid you not. The source called the unseen dress ’regular’). We even learned that the “secret wedding” (every publication used that phrase so it’s deliberate) took place in the potato-producing state of Hailey, Idaho in the last week of June. These things were volunteered. 

But once Kerry emerged back on red carpets and public events that summer, she trotted out a new PR line when asked follow-up questions about her wedding, husband, or newly married life: “I don’t talk about my personal life”.  After literal years of not mentioning a romantic life, when her very public engagement to David Moscow ended in 2007, it was Kerry who let the public know: 1) She was hiding a boyfriend (shoutout to Pusha T); and 2) Surprise! I’s married now (shoutout to Shug Avery)…but don’t ask me anything about it! Don’t even ask me for a picture with the two of us together to go with your marriage announcement headlines. That’s what photoshop is for. Figure it out!

I’m being facetious, but, girl...

BFFR. Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. We didn’t ask, but she definitely told us. And when folks followed up on that telling, Kerry closed up tighter than a sphincter with a ‘do not enter sign. That whole era was awkward. Can we acknowledge that, at least?

Lest you think, “You’re being way harsh, Tai”, I’m not. What I sense is that there was some fear Kerry harboured behind revealing her coupling with Nnamdi. What was the source of the fear that led to the IDTAMPL shutdown? Was it because she did not want her personal narrative to be overshadowed by her relationship status? And what inspired her to begin relaxing that… a little? Like, she waited until her second child was born in 2017 to start allowing articles to describe her as “a mother of three”, revealing Nnamdi’s daughter from a previous relationship, which she had not acknowledged before. Was it simply time that allowed her to all but retire the IDTAMPL line? Or were there key turning points that led to slow revelations? And can we agree that the reluctance to talk about a ‘personal’ life is specifically related to her husband (mostly) and children (I support her keeping them off social media)? Words mean things. One’s parents are part of one’s personal life, but Kerry has no qualms about performing her relationship with them on social media. I mean, the excerpt she chose for us to read busts-open like a ripe papaya their whole past marital dysfunction, and her mother’s contemplating being unalive. Like…are such matters not not both personal and private? With all of that in mind, what has prompted this rethinking? How does Kerry now define ‘personal life’?

Q9: What is your most enduring memory from your time in India? Would you go back if you haven’t already?

On more than one occasion, Kerry has referenced her time spent in India. Besides the fact that she chose to travel to the subcontinent after graduation from George Washington University, we don’t know that much about that period (and that she studied Yoga whilst there). Kerry graduated from GW in 1999 (?). I spent five months in the southern states of India in the first half of 2000. I’m not sure if her trip crossed over into the new millennium, but it’s kind of cool to think about us both being in that vast country at the same time. I would love to know what are some of Kerry’s outstanding memories? What did she love about that place? What does she not miss? Did she visit a favourite place, or discover a dish she continues to enjoy? Does she, like me, share Indian heritage as part of her Jamaican identity?

Looking back, did travelling abroad at such a formative age, shape her coming of age in any way? I would welcome any memories or anecdotes from that time in her life. 

Q: Beyond “mutual respect” for each other, why are you at your most playful around Tony Goldwyn?

I cannot be sure, but it is likely that Kerry has come across online theories and conspiracies that are both outlandish and semi-reasonable based on visuals alone. Whenever fans (to be clear, I am ‘fans’) are treated to her interactions with Tony Goldwyn, it feels like a hit of sugar injected directly into our veins. Their power has a hold on us. 

It is not simply fans seeing in Kerry and Tony a nostalgia for Olivia and Fitz. Both entities are a force unto themselves. Most don’t confuse one for the other, if they have a shred of media literacy. Even people who hated Olivia and Fitz as a couple can acknowledge that there is a je ne sais quoi between Kerry and Tony. Their chemistry has its own fans; it’s palpable.  I know that Kerry knows that the Kerry x Tony appearances are gold because she leverages them on social media. She’s leveraging it right now for her book tour. It’s no accident that the Washington, D.C. tour stop with Tony Goldwyn as the special guest was the first to quickly sell out dates were announced. People are coming to that tour stop for the cerise sur la gateau which is the Kerry x Tony bond. I’m not cynical enough (or blind enough) to believe that their interactions are simply good “PRs” for both their images (as some have alleged). No, there is an energy, an authenticity that crackles and fizzes between them, even when they are simply standing next to each other.

Hell, it’s there when one of them simply talks about the absent other. Fair enough that chemistry works in mysterious ways that can’t be manufactured.  But when Kerry is in the vicinity of Tony Goldwyn, there is also Physics at play. There is inertia in their body language to familiarity and comfortability with each other in ways that speak to a shared intimacy.  I mean that in the sense of closeness and rapport. Kerry and Tony are clearly very close. Beyond the “mutual respect” they say they have for each other, there is something about who Kerry is when she is around Tony that is different than when she is around others. She doesn’t have that with her other Scandal co-stars with whom she has remained friends. Other than her passionate and on-point political advocacy, her time spent with Tony Goldwyn lends a cozy texture to her personality that is more easily felt than described. It’s like popping the bubble of perfectionism and letting out a giant exhale. Me, I exhale when they are together. Am I trippin, or is there something about Tony Goldwyn that effortlessly extracts this playfulness in her, and can she feel it, too?

Bonus Question (A la Inside The Actors Studio):  What is your favourite curse word? What sound do you love? What sound do you hate? What scares you? What makes you cry? What petty thing have you had it with? What did you finally embrace only after you were in your forties?

Even if Bravo were to resurrect Inside The Actors Studio [LINK], Kerry Washington will never have the chance to be interviewed by James Lipton because he passed away in 2020. A venerable institution himself, Lipton’s sincere and earnestly pointed manner of asking questions gave actors the opportunity to embark on a journey of both self and art in the space of an hour, in front of a live audience of actors-in-training.  Through this show, the audience could learn more about their favourite actor, and all the ways in which the personal intersects with their art, and much more. My favourite part was always the quick-fire round near the end when Lipton would ask the small, quotidian questions that are the true stuff of life. You know, the anti-Hollywood shit. Though it’s a cheat, it is in that vein that the bonus questions above are designed.  A few are taken from James Lipton, and others added by me. 

Those are all of the questions…until I read Kerry’s tome. 

Perfect-seeming people are boring and untrustworthy. But is the perception entirely a fiction created by the celebrity or us? 

“…[She’s] clearly a beautiful, intelligent, multi-talented, quietly formidable woman with a Jesus-like heart. From what we can tell, she is highly respected among her peers. Well, that’s who we’ve made her out to be. We choose to see those things in her because that’s what’s on public offer. Because of that, it’s so easy to turn KW into some Magical Negress archetype imprisoned on a pedestal in our minds. We believe Kerry is clean. Kerry walks on water. Kerry makes the fishes and the loaves. As her fans… we mythologize her, and others like her, because we have this deep-seated human need to create heroes for ourselves. We need to believe that there are people less fallible than we are: that if we believe in their perfection, it might take us a little closer towards that ideal… Kerry doesn’t walk on water. She’s not perfect. The reason I know is because she’s flesh and bone and blood, just like you and me.” (Me, 2013)

It's true: the perception is a little but her, a little bit us (me). However, I can’t say that I’ve seen a lot of evidence of the proverbial ‘flesh and bone and blood’. That perception seems poised to change on the 26th of September with Thicker Than Water’s release. 

I was surprised (in a good way) to see Kerry reference this early ‘need’ she placed on herself to be ‘good’ as a point of connection for her parents, whose marriage was in trouble. I was also sad because I know what that means. I did that to myself at age 12, and it’s been hard to completely abandon. But the admission intrigued me, and I hope there is more of that kind of self-revelation in the book as the timeline approaches the Kerry we see today.  Above all else, my wish for Thicker Than Water, is this: to offer me insight and greater clarity about a woman whose public persona, for the last ten years, has been highly visible, yet persistently opaque.

I get it. To exist publicly as a Black woman in the 21st Century is to navigate a high-wire act. Perception is always on the mind, especially in Kerry’s industry. If you share too much, people have a problem; not enough, people have a problem. Nothing you share is impervious to being twisted into the most ungenerous or scandalous interpretation. We have watched Queen Mother, Beyonce, in the last decade become more deliberate about what she shares with the public. But even she feels like less of a question mark than Kerry Washington. Beyonce has, at least, given us glimpses into her personal life and thoughts via documentaries, BTS photos, and the intimacy of confession in her art—the parts that are beautiful, fucked up, or ambivalent. This is not me pitting two bad bitches against each other. It is me offering an example of another Black woman who has told us that she battles perfectionism, and who has found a way to let us in (or feel like it), through her art, whilst making her boundaries clear. 

Thicker Than Water will be a part of Kerry’s artistic self. It is a product of memory and polished fiction; narratives carefully organized and swaddled in beautiful prose (based on the excerpt) that promises to take the reader on a journey. As someone who recently published a book that is small in its number of pages, but big in its revelations of things unspoken and unshared, I know that writing is an intimate act of exploring one’s mind and interiority; of the past and its pertinence with the present. What your mouth cannot say, your fingers will. It is my most profound hope that Thicker Than Water allows me to feel a sense of connection with flesh and blood and bone Kerry Washington. And I hope for her the book accomplishes a giant exhale of whatever she wants to release into the world. Whether or not I will personally be satisfied by the book... stay tuned.

Q: What are your questions for Kerry?

[initiumseries]

who are your favourite black characters - animated and not animated

Oh fun question. We capitalize Black in this house, and this is absolutely going to show my age but you asked, and I wouldn't say favourite for most, because I don't know that I have a strong attachment to every show but did like them, and you'll probably notice, most of the time they just have to be Black and on a show for me to like them so here we go:

As usual, in no particular order -

Numbuh 5 - Kids Next Door

I thought she was funny, and she was Black and that's really all it took for me, lol. I based one of my characters off her actually.

Miles Morales

I feel like this goes without saying.

Goliath - Gargoyles

LOL this is so funny to me because the VA is BLACK. And Goliath always read to me as Black, and Elisa Maza...anyway lol. It always struck me as deranged that whenever the gargoyles in general, but ESPECIALLY Goliath AND Demona turned human, all of them were always white. Just didn't make any sense even as a kid, and I blame racism. This is probably the only time I'll go up for non-human characters coded as Black and no I won't be arguing about this.

Out of the Box

This dude held me down after school every day and the song still SLAPS.

Mr. Trick - BTVS

He is SO unsung but I loved almost every scene he was in.

Lieutenant Van Buren - Law & Order

The only cop I like. she sued the cops for racism.

Detective Green

Before he was on that stupid DC show, he was a cop on a better show lmao. See above.

Storm - X-Men & Xmen Evolution

She's Storm.

Virgil Hawkins - Static Shock

One day we'll talk about what the fuck is up with all the Black people having electric powers, but today we'll put some respect on Virgil's name.

John Stewart/Green Lantern - Justice League/Unlimited

The only green lantern I recognize.

Vixen - JLU

John fumbled her BIG TIME.

Abbie - Sleepy Hollow

This show fumbled her BIG TIME. Lord release us from the shackles of Black people being cops in shows.

Papa Pope

He rocked my ENTIRE world off axis when he showed up and read Olivia for filth and then fucked up her white side piece.

Annalise Keating

She was SO messy, but she should've killed them kids too.

Michaela Pratt

I had issues with her SL but she was a real one.

Greenleaf patriarch & matriarch - Greenleaf

tbh with you it doesn't really matter what these two people are in, I'm going to watch the fuck out of it.

Lafayette - True Blood

I feel like this goes without saying. RIP.

Romeo Carter - Student Bodies

for OBVIOUS reasons.

Jett Jackson - Jett Jackson

Again, obvious reasons. RIP.

Ashley Banks - Fresh Prince

I liked her because she was around my age when I was watching the show.

This whole family - Family Matters

I don't have a favourite. This whole family was Black in a time where there were few Black people on tv much less whole families.

Hobie Brown - Across the Spiderverse

Obvious reasons.

Chloe - Sabrina the Animated Series

I feel like I've dug significantly into the archives of my brain. I'm sure there are characters I've missed, but this is what I could remember. Fun! - oh wait no!

Prudence

She stole the damn show. I watched for her and Ambrose *only*

Tak & Quellchrist Falconer - Altered Carbon

This sleeve of Tak specifically.

Michael Burnham - Star Trek Discover

She acts her ass off in any role so honestly it doesn't matter.

T'Challa - Black Panther

No I will not expand. Sigh. RIP.

All of them - Black Panther

Ok I think I'm done. I've reached into the archives of my childhood, and I'm sure there are more I've forgotten, but yeah, here's top of my head. :)

[biaaylesworth]

I finish my first and last Scandal watching.

Unusually, this is the first time I finish a series hating everyone.

I do have some sympathy towards Millie, but I truly dislike everything, everyone. Olitz is toxic as hell, Olivia Pope is a disgusting manipulative human being.

Quinn is a hypocrite self-righteous, she killed and tortured so many people and act like she was still pure…

They couldn’t decide if Cyrus was a good man or just pure evil, every episode he was a different character, than they made him kill David! And all that for what??

Everyone is fucked up… nobody saved the show!

I would prefer the killer Huck over that whiny judgmental fool😫

Abby lost her tender!

Fitz is a cheater, blind man, who let be manipulated by his lover… god help if someone says no to the little spoiled and entitled prince… such a waste, he was terrible towards Mellie, his lover had to talk some sense into him for gods sake, his lover had to ask him to be better for her!

If I heard “I’m the president of United States,” again, I swear, I would thrown my laptop on the wall!! Seriously, how annoying, he said that like a mantra. So annoying.. gezz 😒

I definitely hate Jake Ballard! Marionette Ballard.

Olivia was always coming from Fitz to Jake arms. Jake arms Fitz, sometimes at the same day! 🤮

What a mess! 7 seasons of Olivia coming from Fitz to Jake, from Jake to Fitz, or some random assassin that her father sent to fuck his little girl 🥱

It was impossible to ship any couple, because nobody were able to be faithful, loyal. The friendships dynamic were all awful! Olivia treated everyone like they were things to be used and yelled at! Nothing saved!!

No one moment of vulnerability, a REAL moment, those rare moments were meaningless.

Redemption who? Don’t make me laugh!

[lossisyours]

Hi! 11 and 50 for the ask game (if it's not too late!)

11. which TV show has the best musical soundtrack, in your opinion?

ok, so, both very different vibes musically (and atmospherically) but the last 2 shows with soundtracks so good they had me hunting them down on spotify have been: 1. big little lies, and 2. this is us. both are SO fucking good. honourable mentions to: euphoria, succession (particularly the instrumental tracks), and gossip girl (og, none of this hbo renewal bullshit!)

50. what’s one TV cliche you love?

i've actually never really been one of those people who poo-poo's over a cliché... but i will say one of my absolute favourite "cliché" is the Bad Guy being given a rich backstory/characterization. to be clear, not the kind that neutralizes the villainy, because that shit pisses me off — but the kind that humanizes them. that, to me, is what makes an antagonist well-written anyway, what makes then insidious and terrifying, that they are, in the end, still a person. think: à la logan roy's funeral speech from his brother in succession; the parallels between regina mills past and present in once upon a time; blair waldorf in seasons 1 & 2 of gossip girl, olivia pope's dad in scandal; katherine pierce in the first few seasons of the vampire diaries; rachel duncan in orphan black. none of these peopl are good people. but they aren't one dimensional, they aren't unrelatable; in fact, good writing makes it so that they are relatable, no matter how much a great deal of the population these days likes to posture otherwise!

[goldinmyviens]

What's hatnin yall,

I'm a writer from the city of the "Show Me" state, St. Louis, Missouri. Born in 1998, I grew up living and moving all throughout the south, east coast and midwest. Quite similar to an army brat, but in my case we'll call it a Traveling consultant brat. As an only child born from how I'd like to describe an Olivia Pope of a mom from STL and a charming aristocratic dad from the south. I am a woman who considers herself multidimensional, witty, magical, and slightly unconventional at times. My passions are vast, ranging from women's Reproductive Rights to anti-war, Anti-Colonialism, Human Rights, Religious freedom, and the liberation of black Americans.

In the past 26 years, my generation has experienced a lot in it's time so far. the boom of social media and moden technology, introduction of the iPhone, multiple ressesions, ice jj fish, game controller- controlled submarines, the overturn of roe v wade, riots and protests, the beginning of AI and ice spice? My generation has been nothing but resilient because if you asked me 20 years ago if this is how I imagined things, I'd say no. Where are the flying cars right??

As i conclude on this, I can't wait to embark on this journey with you all, dissecting, analyzing, and learning from new thoughts, new opinions, and community dialog. May this be a safe place for asking the right questions, being open and vulnerable with not only things going on within me, but the world itself and making a change. Now let me kick my crocs off and figure out how to work this page xD

With light,

Da hood Monk

[midnightsslut]

okay finding a swiftie and scandal/olitz blog just made me super happy and now i need your season rankings and scandal hot takes

omgggggggg I am very excited to answer this. I am obsessed with this show rn. disclaimer: I am a huge fitz stan and will defend him in almost every situation but I try to be rational I promise. that man is crack for me. I feel like shonda studied my brain before writing him.

rankings first:

season 3 > season 2 > season 1 > season 5 > season 4 (would’ve been top three without the fuckass kidnapping plot > season 7 > ninth circle of hell > season 6

now my hot takes. I typed this up after I finished the show for the first time about a month ago (I’m rewatching rn). I’ll put a cut bc I don’t wanna bother y’all

- this goes without saying but I love fitz. I enjoyed his character thoroughly throughout the show and he never really did anything to annoy me. he gets a LOT of shit but does the least egregious things out of all the characters except mellie. I will defend every single one of his actions and he gets a lot more interesting when he grows a backbone instead of acting like a human ping pong ball that his wife, mistress, and chief of staff use (so after his son dies and his mistress leaves him to go be on an island because idk. reasons). he needs to get up though. post-rewatch update: he’s not a ping pong ball at all. he is manipulative as hell and idk how I couldn’t see it during first watch. however, he’s also a great president and generally i do believe that he’s a sincere, warm romantic who gets gradually corrupted by his time in office especially during his second term. he is super warm and supportive towards the end though. the scene in season 7 where he tells olivia that he sees the old her again even though she doesn’t made me cry.

- this brings me to mellie. I adore her until she’s president. she is one of the best developed characters in the series (even though I think the rape plot could’ve been done better bc it was clearly not planned/later shoehorned in). her presidency was built up for six seasons only for her to whine about girl power, deserving a presidency she was never elected for, and wanting to get laid. at least fitz was actually in love with olivia. meanwhile Mellie is now a doormat bc ??? this is really Shonda’s fault bc you can tell trump being elected threw a wrench in her plans. also the feminist speeches are so bad. ‘shattering glass ceilings’ okay cut your hair into a hillary clinton bob while you’re at it. the modern day political commentary is a bit much during the latter half of the show as a whole but I digress.

- this brings me to olivia. I always root for her even when she annoys the shit out of me. Kerry Washington is an incredible actress with boatloads of charisma (same as Tony). sometimes she’s entirely irrational but everyone worships the ground she walks on anyway until season 7, where she does one bad thing and gets crucified for it. unpopular opinion but I enjoyed the dark olivia arc and her ultimate redemption. she’s kinda horrible a lot post-kidnapping but no one gives a shit because everyone loves her which can be frustrating until they all do too much to ice her out in s7 (except fitz bc he’s fitz).

- everyone on this show has daddy issues. every single person. olivia’s daddy issues are interesting but they’re never resolved

- papa pope is incredibly inconsistent. sometimes he will send a man to his daughter’s bed. other times he will kill her boyfriend’s son because he took his child from her (????). really he ruins her psychologically for multiple seasons but gets away with it because she kills one innocent person and he crawls to fitz to save her (??????)

- jake was my third favorite character until season 7. they butchered him at that point. shonda makes it exceedingly clear that Olivia will never choose him but it’s a bit much sometimes. his ending is also horrible and undeserved

- the ending in general is ????? we deserved a little more than a damn hi. why did David die. why did Cyrus get away with everything. also ik that portrait scene is supposed to be powerful but it doesn’t make a ton of sense. also papa pope gets away with everything because the senators are worried about the optics of being controlled by a black man. also the whole ‘papa pope was the mastermind behind everyone and everything because he could manipulate people’ thing was very tired

- Shonda does not understand her own characters because wdym Cyrus Beene isn’t a villain? Maybe in the first few seasons when he’s loyal to fitz but after? he’s the worst person in season 7

- I love Quinn and Charlie. I mostly enjoy huck but we needed closure about his damn family. I love abby too but her ending was also meh.

- overall I very much enjoyed the show even when it annoyed me and made no sense

- the scandal subreddit watches an entirely different show based on the conclusions they draw. one thing we agree on is that the ending sucks.

[anincorrectpetunia]

"Tell me something real, Livvie." He was thinking of how vulnerable she let herself be with him yesterday. What happened to that woman?

After their night and the morning they watched come into being, Olivia's fears felt feckless, the taste of her insecurities insipid under the blazing September sun. But she wanted to tell him anyway. His face was an open and inviting blanket in which she could safely swaddle herself.

"I've left every man I've ever been with. Me. I found a way every time. Not once have I regretted my decision. It wasn't a violation or cheating…to my knowledge. Or anything like that." She laughed mirthlessly. Her face looked off to the side, focused on the environment around her.

"Each time I would get this feeling that—and I tried to ignore it, but it would bubble up every time. Respect. I lost respect for each of them. It didn't matter how handsome they were, who they knew, their careers, or how wealthy they were. I eventually lost respect for them, then attraction. After that, love had no ground to stand on."

Fitz's eyes were half-lidded, half-committed to interpreting what it is Olivia was trying to convey in this crystal ball confession of hers. He wanted to scream that he was not any of those men, and did he not deserve a chance to prove that to her Did she not want to prove it to herself?

"But Olivia—"

"No, Fitz," she looked into his face now. "I need you to hear me when I say this. 

"You make me feel out of control. I never actively wanted someone who would make me feel this way. It's daunting. But then you came into my life, and I tried to push against the force of you. It's like I'm not myself and completely myself at the same time. I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. Me, you, us—I want that. It feels different. I want to see the difference that different makes." Her head moved up and down, affirming her words. 

"But if after all of that, what if the past repeats itself? If I repeat myself? Fitz, if we try and it doesn't' work out, I can't imagine hoping to love again. I'd be devastated. Because if I can't make it work with a man that makes me dream of pasts and futures, then I'm doomed. You could hurt me. Or changed how you feel. What if you've been holding onto a fantasy of me the last year only to discover in the next month that I'm nothing of the sort?"

"You got one thing right. You are nothing of the sort. I saw the real Olivia Pope stand up yesterday. I saw you. You're a woman who owns her own business and speaks seven languages, but you're also a girl obsessed with stars. You are flesh, and bone and blood. And hair. Beautiful hair."

Would his smile always be this infectious? Would he always know the right thing to say to her to diffuse her fears?

"But Livvie, all those real, human things are what I want with you. Not the façade. I can't tell you not to have those fears because that's the way love goes. I have fears, too. We're going to drive each other crazy. Experience euphoric peaks and disappointing valleys. Have the time of our lives, and hopefully take each other to places we've never been before."

His masculine hand made a delicate sweep over her exposed shoulders. 

"There is one singular promise I know I can stand on. I will give you everything inside of me. I want to be with you. For us to be together. Dare to try. What do you say?"

Olivia's lips held a small smile. As her eyes caressed every feature of his face, the smile grew. The slight divot in his cheek, she could become obsessed with that. She tested it out by putting her hand against his face, and her index finger instinctively rested against her new favorite imperfection of his handsome face. 

He inspired a fugitive feeling she desired to let roam inside her, pushing at her boundaries, shaping new contours she previously denied. A feeling she wanted to care for without caging. To need him. To be fearful of how much she loves him. She's never wanted that with anybody. He showed her new possibilities of how life could be composed. To author herself where she had only known self-governing and rigid regulation. Like OPA, her name was on this door, too. She could choose to open it to anyone she wanted. 

When her eyes traveled up to meet his, they were patient and consoling. Steadfast. Then, suddenly, their current pulled her in, washing memories of last year ashore. This time her eyes were open, locked with those of the man in front of her and what they could co-write. The one whose body felt real and safe against her own as they stood under a clear blue sky. Cumulous clouds; 84 degrees. A butterfly flapped its wings a final time as it settled on a daffodil nearby. 

"Yes. I say yes. Let's try."

Wanting to be with him was its own pleasure. She did not know if either of them could promise forever, but they could promise to try. Wasn't everyone just trying?

"So, is it too soon to be your boyfriend?"

More 'As Always'... or A03

[fatedprophetess-perfectstorms]

Told everyone I’m a bitch so I became it

abcdefu - GAYLE

[resplendentgoldenwings]

I haven't been on tumblr much these days but on this Sunday past I realized I had been seeing a lot of post about IWTV, both the book and the 1994 movie. And I was like why am I seeing all this IWTV on my dash? Is there a new movie or something? I'd heard about the plans for a TV series a couple years back and completely forgotten about that.

Anyway I decided to check the tags out of curiosity and spent the next 48 hours utterly obsessed.

There's the trailer I saw if for some reason you still haven't seen it yet. Now I used to love the VC back in the day. The books were fun, erotic, and Anne Rice was a pretty good writer if a bit verbose at points and Lestat is a fantastic character. If you don't know the VC, The Vampire Chronicles are the main reason vampires with like human emotions and souls have become so popular.

So I spent the next 48 hours devouring everything I could for this new show. If I wasn't working or doing something that needed to be done I was scouring the internet for any and everything to do with AMC's Interview With the Vampire and I have some thoughts.

First I am super excited for this show, like forreal, y'all have no idea. The shit looks amazing, the directing, the costuming, the setting all of it looks on point. Things have been changed, but the spirit remains the same. Like look at that trailer and tell me everything important and essential about Louis Pointe Du Lac and Lestat De Lioncourt has not been captured.

But that said I want to talk a bit about some of the changes that have been made.

So in case you're wondering that picture of Jacob Anderson is Louis and yes he is black. Now this caught me a little off guard, like in the span of two seconds I learned that there was a new IWTV show and Louis was being played by that guy above. I immediately found the change intriguing.

That's Brad Pitt as Louis Pointe Du Lac in the 1994 film. He spent most of the movie being sad and beautiful and worming his way further into all of our teenaged hearts. He also very much does fit the description of Louis in the books, so, of course, some people are mad about this.

This isn't surprising. If you've been watching tv over the past 15 years, ever since Olivia Pope banged a president and Empire spent like 7 seasons as Fox's #1 show networks have been trying with varying degrees of success to put POC, especially Black people in more leading roles and some people really don't like that.

As a black woman I have mixed feelings about it. I have zero problems with character's having their races changed for the sake of diversity unless, of course, the character's race shapes the story in some important way. Which is why I paused when I found out about the casting. Louis Pointe Du Lac was a slave owner back in 1769, a wealthy one with two plantations.

There would have been a few Black Americans who owned slaves back then and even fewer that got rich from it. But already problematic Jacob Anderson playing a Louis that owned slaved would be especially distasteful. So instead the setting is changed. It's 1910 and Louis is a brothel owner.

Now some of the critics have used the idea of Louis as a pimp as some type of gotcha moment and I get it. They made this character Black and promptly made him a criminal??? Not quite, much like slavery in 1769 in 1910 New Orleans it wasn't illegal to own a brothel or do sex work.

So he's not a criminal and he's apparently grown extremely wealthy from running brothels. That doesn't make it okay, of course, but I imagine that's kind of the point. In this instance owning brothels could be considered analogous owning plantations. They're not the same but ya' know tomato, tomato.

Louis and his family, siblings and parents look like they are doing very well in the trailers. It's important that Louis have money because as he starts to doubt Lestat's feelings for him Louis comes to believe that Lestat is with him for the money. Oh Louis!

Now the usual suspects aren't the only ones bothered by the idea of Louis being a brothel owner some find it genuinely uncomfortable to have a sympathetic character doing bad things and some genuinely feel that it plays into a stereotype, which is part of why I want to offer my opinion.

Characters aren't meant to be perfect not even the POC ones. Characters need depth, they need flaws, they need vices and damn it when you change a character's race to diversify a story some things can and should change but the essence, the spirit of the character should stay the same.

He can't be an aspiration trophy, mortal Louis needs to acquire his wealth in an exploitative way, he needs to be a flawed character with room to grow.

You may still be uncomfortable with idea and certainly everyone is entitled to their opinion but it's flaws and vices that make characters relatable and beloved, its flaws and vices that make them feel real and human and its their flaws and vices that maybe sometimes teach something about ourselves.

Other Changes

Louis also seems to be somewhat more assertive and have more agency. I think that's smart. The other thing that bothered me with the race change was the already slanted power dynamic between the two being that much worse. To do this day in the African-American community one of the biggest concerns for us in interracial dating is the social power dynamic. Racism can become that much more dangerous if you're involved with an abusive white person. And well we all know what Louis says about his relationship with Lestat...

I do also think that Louis being Black and successful would simply have to be tougher more assertive person. I don't imagine he inherited the brothels and generational wealth and even if he did it's going to be a fight for a black family to keep that kind of wealth in 1910.

So with all these changes you might be wondering how can he possibly be the same. Well in many ways he's not but when you consider Louis' purpose in the story as a character, his core, his ability to drive the narrative home all Louis Pointe Du Lac needs to do is grieve, feel guilty and ashamed about things that were out of his control, be a bit of a liar and be really, really pretty in the face. From the trailers it certainly looks to me like Jacob Anderson's Louis is all of those things.

[multifandomwhore-003]

❝𝕸𝖋 𝖂𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝟎𝟎𝟑❞ 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖎𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘

Gif credits to whom they belong

˚ ༘♡⋆｡˚ Episodes ➺ Masterlists:

◙ Outer Banks, paradise on earth

◙ Shiny Stars, light my day

◙ Extra! Extra!

◙ Celebrate good times, come on

◙ Recycling Bin

⍣ ೋ Details:

↳ ♡ ₊˚. Director ➺ Pseudonym: 

◙ Idalia/Lia

=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Genre ➺ Basic info:

◙ she/her/they/them

◙ Mexican

◙ 19 years alive and failure to thrive

◙ Bisexual

◙ ENTP-T

◙ ☀Capricorn

◙ 🌑Pisces

◙ ⬆Taurus

◙ Single (clearly)

❁ཻུ۪۪ ⸙͎ Premier date ➺ Birthday: 

◙ 28th of December

｡･:*˚:✧｡ Synopsis ➺ Blog info:

◙ Just a sad bisexual chaos writing angst, fluff, and smut about my fav characters, actresses, and actors. You can always ask me anything at any time, 24/7 open for chatting and having a good time together, or I can hide the body, we can cry together as well

☁︎∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ Rating ➺ Blog guidelines: 

◙ 18+, MINORS DNI.

◙ I can write for a lot of stuff, but I definitely have my limits regarding kinks specifically, you can request whatever, but if I don't feel comfortable writing it, I won't be able to fulfill it and I will let you know.

◙ No shape or form of hate, misogyny, racism, or any type of phobia against the LGBTQ+ community is tolerated, if you do show any of these behaviors, you will be blocked. (When I mention these negative opinions in my narratives, I always imply I DO NOT support it)

◙ If I'm ever in the wrong about ANYTHING, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TELL ME AND POINT IT OUT. As humans we always make mistakes and our duty is to learn from them, change, grow, and evolve.

◙ REQUESTS ARE CLOSED FOR ANY OF MY IMAGINES' MASTERLISTS

◙ I only write for character/actress/actor/celebrity x female! reader because I identify as a female reader and I cannot and will not write the experience of male and non-binary readers, It's not my place and I don't wanna wrongfully represent them.

◙ All of the characters I write for that are canonically underage in their respective shows and/or movies are aged up to 18 or older

◙ To be in my taglist(s) for short writings, fill this.

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˚୨୧⋆｡˚⋆ Cast ➺ People I write for:

◙ JJ Maybank (Character, Outer Banks)

◙ Pope Heyward (Character, Outer Banks)

◙ Rudy Pankow (Actor)

◙ Nailea Devora (Youtuber, Influencer)

◙ Madelyn Cline (Actress)

◙ Olivia Rodrigo (Actress, Singer)

◙ Alexa Demie (Actress, Singer)

◙ Sydney Sweeney (Actress)

◙ Victoria Pedretti (Actress)

◙ Peter Parker (Character, MCU, TASM saga, Sam Raimi's saga)

◙ Kate Bishop (Character, MCU)

◙ Yelena Belova (Character, MCU)

◙ Wanda Maximoff (Character, MCU)

◙ Druig (Character, MCU)

◙ Thena (Character, MCU)

◙ Ajak (Character, MCU)

◙ Sersi (Character, MCU)

◙ Matt Murdock (Character, MCU)

◙ Karen Page (Character, MCU)

◙ Robby Keene (Character, Cobra Kai)

◙ Tory Nichols (Character, Cobra Kai)

◙ Hawk / Eli Moskowitz (Character, Cobra Kai)

◙ Fezco (Character, Euphoria)

◙ Elliot (Character, Euphoria)

◙ Kat (Character, Euphoria)

◙ Maddy (Character, Euphoria)

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◙ Adrian Chase (Character, Peacemaker)

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◙ Bruce Wayne (Character, Matt Reeves' movie)

◙ Selina Kyle (Character, Matt Reeves' movie)

◙ Riddler (Character, Matt Reeves' movie)

◙ Jeff Winger (Character, Community)

◙ Annie Edison (Character, Community)

◙ Troy Barnes (Character, Community)

◙ Abed Nadir (Character, Community)

◙ Ethan Landry (Character, Scream franchise)

◙ Tara Carpenter (Character, Scream franchise)

◙ Amber Freeman (Character, Scream franchise)

◙ Chad Meeks-Martin (Character, Scream franchise)

◙ Lando Norris (McLaren driver)

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✫⌒*･ﾟ Versions ➺ Other accounts:

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❥•°❀°•༢ Bonus features ➺ Other stuff:

◙ Inspo masterlist

⋆ .ೃ࿔*:･ Suggestions ➺ Other writers and bloggers that I follow, admire, and absolutely recommend checking out:

◙ @fivelakesinwriting

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◙ @msgorillagripcoochie

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◙ @endofthelinegang

◙ @wint3r-h3art / @wint3r-library

◙ @sugarcoatedstarkey

◙ @milkiane

◙ @lunaticsandidiots

◙ @bratty-lxndry444

◙ @ohcaptains

◙ @norrizzandpia

◙ @scuderiahoney

◙ @mariahcarreyyy

◙ @planete777

◙ @prettyfastcars

◙ @verstarppen

[femmefatalevibe]

What do you think of women love power program?

Ayesha is brilliant! The 13 archetypes are complex, multi-dimensional, and show how different feminine mindsets influence our place in power dynamics, chosen career paths, ideal lifestyle and approaches to life, friendships, romantic partners, self-presentation, and female sexuality, which is why I think that we see (at least a great deal) ourselves in these seduction types. The duality of each seduction type makes these archetypes feel more real. Her understanding of human psychology and female power throughout history is top-tier! 

I’m the “Boss” archetype (82% Sage and 76% Lover), by the way. It’s incredibly accurate as someone whose career-focused/a business owner and naturally leans into my dark feminine energy (have been like this for the past decade before I knew the term for this approach to self-presentation/ life lol). I LOVE Olivia Pope, who Ayesha describes as a Boss archetype woman. The women who I wanted to emulate growing up were Blair Waldorf, Effy Stonem, Audrey Hepburn, Monica Bellucci, Andy Sacks (by the end of Devil Wears Prada), Anna Wintour, Coco Chanel, and Michelle Obama – all for different reasons. 

I’ve only taken the quiz and watched a few of the intro videos on the master classes, so I can’t speak about the paid courses, but it seems like they would be worthwhile if you’re in the beginning stages of finding yourself and are on your self-growth/personal branding journey. Can’t lie though – I’m getting more tempted to bite the bullet and purchase the Boss/Sage master classes every time her courses are mentioned.

[kiingocreative]

Ready to edit, format, or publish your book? We offer editing and coaching services! Send a DM or go to https://kiingo.co/services

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Evan Hansen was depressed, suicidal, and had a broken arm…

Here's why you still hate him.

Dear Evan Hansen premiered this week. And much to no one’s surprise, it was met with scathing criticisms, ridicule, and downright vitriol. I have scoured the internet and have been unable to find an entirely, or even remotely positive review of this movie. It currently holds a 31% on rotten tomatoes and I have a feeling that number will continue to fall as it continues to play in theaters across the country.

Many have hypothesized as to why the movie seemed to strike a bitter chord. Was it the ill-placed, and frankly far too lengthy musical numbers? The almost always cookie cutter dialogue? Ben Platt’s desperate attempt at playing a character ten years his junior? Maybe. Probably. And Absolutely!

In all honesty all these reasons are viable suspects to movie murder. But one reason stands out and above the rest. And it needs to be sad. Evan Hansen is simply an egomaniacal, self-serving, sociopathic douche pickle of a human. And I mean that in the best possible way.

Dear Evan Hansen attempts to employ one of the hardest protagonists’ archetypes, the anti-hero. This archetype sets apart from the rest because it takes a person that has little or no character traits we’d normally associate with a hero and attempts to make them likeable or sympathetic enough that we still want to watch them along their journey, and maybe even find ourselves rooting for their victory. Let’s consider Olivia Pope from Shonda Rhimes’ Scandal. She fixes elections, destroys families, even has an affair with married men, and yet we love her. We want to watch her. And we want to root for her. Or Maleficent. This character curses a baby to spite a jilting love. And yet, when the king (her former love) falls to his brutal death and she gets back her wings, we celebrate her victory.

Like myself, many audience members found themselves sticking up their noses and wagging their fingers at Evan as he moves through his anti-hero’s journey. And without spoiling anything, we found ourselves disapproving of his actions, and worse hoping his journey would not meet a happy end. Everything he does leaves us with the sting of judgement. And even his one final (and only) act of valor isn’t enough to redeem him. I won’t spoil the ending, just know it won’t pay off the way it should.

So, what makes us root for Olivia & Maleficent yet, not for Evan? All protagonists fall in the same archetype, yet the formers will be revered by cinematic historians, and the last will probably become a footnote. Here’s why!

Evan lacks three essential characteristics that make an anti-hero likeable, relatable, and even at times admirable. His actions, motivations, and reasoning are almost always fatally flawed. Let’s now discuss how to begin with his actions.

Throughout this film, Evan Hansen makes a series of deliberate, and to my way of thinking deplorable actions. This is common with anti-heroes. They’re not “good people”. And they’re almost always doing things that might make us raise an eyebrow or two. Take Olivia Pope. Her job is to manage crises for her clients. Control situations and minimize exposure of wrongdoings by any means necessary. If you’re familiar with the seven-season series you’ll know this meant dealing with Russian mob bosses, foreign war lords, and even republicans. (Just kidding.) Yet, and still all the things she did usually had a selfless reason. Most of the time she was doing what she was doing to help someone. A family whose child was kidnapped or an abused wife seeking asylum for herself and her children, for example. Not only are her actions selfless, but we are made to believe she can only help her clients by doing these terrible things and dealing with these terrible people. This ties in with motivations and reasoning as well, but for now, let us keep them all separate.

Evan Hansen does terrible things for no reason but to further his own agenda of making friends. From faking friendships with suicide victims to worming his way into a grieving family’s lives, he makes choice after choice with almost no regard to how his actions will affect others. This might be fine if he lacked an understanding of what impact his actions may have, but he seems to know throughout the film. His understanding is evident by the way he continues to pile on lie after lie each time his back is against the wall, only finally coming clean when there are no more lies left to tell. This should serve as a cautionary tale to all writers. If your protagonist must be despicable, it must be for a good reason. Not, only to boost your social agenda.

Now, let’s talk of motivations. One thing that can make or break your protagonist are their motivations. Think of motivations as why characters do something. Motivations must be clear as they help establish empathy. Even if they don’t agree with their actions, and when dealing with anti-heroes we usually won’t, a relatable motivation will help them forgive a misstep or two. Think of Maleficent. Her initial action of cursing young Aurora is despicable, but we as an audience forgive her and root for her. Why? Because she tries to correct that action in a series of attempts at thwarting, and an ultimate goal of reversing her own curse. What motivated this change of heart? She fell in love with “Beasty”, her affectionate nickname for Aurora. Love is a great motivator. And one we can all identify with. The power of love, and more importantly the strength and endurance of prevailing love wins almost always.

Let’s now look at Evan Hansen’s motivations. While one could argue his motivations were as erratic as his mental state, I think it very clear what Evan’s motivation was. He wanted “friends”. Which is really to say he wanted to be adored, and beloved; popular. I don’t think Evan does one friendly thing throughout this film, so I tend to discount wanting friendship as a viable motivation for his misdeeds. But, when he realized he could abuse a misunderstanding to advance his agenda to become more popular at school, he takes it. And never seems to feel regret for the damage he causes.

Now, granted, Evan is a 17-year-old boy. And as such, prone to making mistakes. We all remember 17! But even his youth didn’t save him in the eyes of film critics. Because Evans' actions don’t seem to be that of a youthful and unintelligent boy. Quite the opposite. Evan slithers his way through this story protecting and defending this new image he has made for himself. He creates a chain of fake emails, devises (on the spot & in song) a complete and whole relationships between himself and Connor, the young man who committed suicide. He even expertly manipulates people who begin to suggest he might not be telling the truth. There is no clear motivation for this. The only thing we are sure of, is that Evan wants “friends”. And he’s willing to do whatever it takes, it seems, to get them.

I feel it appropriate to note that an argument could be made to suggest that these missteps were the fault of his social anxiety & mental illness. This is also a great time to pivot into the logic of Evan’s actions. The logos, as Aristotle might call them. The movie makes a point of stating pretty early on (the first scene actually) that Evan struggles with his mental health and thus takes medication. Three different medications to be exact. An argument could be made that his mental state or even the medication he was taking may have been the cause of his actions; that he was out of control. But, I don’t think it would be wise or factually sound to suggest that mental health or mental health medication would cause someone to do the things that Evan does. There is already enough of a stigma regarding mental health, we don’t need movies to suggest there is no hope for us. And yes, I said US!

No, it seems more logical to me that Evan did what he did because it served his own agenda. His motivation for what he did was that it got him what he wanted. A BIG NO! Villains serve their own agendas. And though the anti-hero may seem villainous or maybe even be a villain in another store (Joker; Maleficent) it’s only a façade. Anti-heroes are really sheep in wolves’ clothing. At their core, they often do have a heart of gold. Their actions, good or bad, must be serving something other than themselves. Or, at least primarily.

Every good anti-hero should have some level of selfishness. But imagine if Maleficent wanted to keep Beasty alive to be her devoted servant a motivation of love would not ring true. It would confuse and maybe even upset the audience that Maleficent might pretend to love her while also forcing her to work from sunup to sundown. Same with Olivia Pope. If she only stole the election that granted Fitz the presidency so that she could fast track a piece of legislation she would be proving herself to be manipulative and self-indulgent. She was doing it, again, because she LOVED Fitz. And we loved her for it! We’re all hopeless romantics. And it’s about time we start admitting it.

Let us now speak of reasoning. While it may be connected to motivations, I believe reasoning serves a different purpose. It suggests a rationale. A thought process. Why do characters think doing this will get them what they want? It is how we understand the mental state of the protagonist. It helps us calculate whether they are thinking clearly. Do their actions seem like something they would normally do? If yes, we accept them easily. If not, we find ourselves wondering about them. If it happens consistently enough though that wonder quickly turns to doubt, doubt to frustration, and ultimately frustration to indifference. My problem with Evan Hansen is there seems to be no reasoning at all. I can’t find a single solitary justification as to why he feels lying to these innocent people is something he MUST do. Characters, especially protagonists, are always doing what they must. When Mr. Incredible winces before he makes impact with that fast-moving train (Incredibles) it’s because he knows it’s going to hurt. Yet, he also knows if he doesn’t do it, something even worse is going to happen.

What was the “something worse” for Evan? What bad thing was he avoiding by not telling Connor’s parents he never really knew their son? That he and Connor, and only spoke to him once; the day he passed? And Connor signing his cast was a sarcastic act. I’m sure you can guess the answer. He would have gone back to being exactly like he was. And he couldn’t have that. When he gets that Call to Adventure, second stage of twelve in the hero’s journey, we learn all we need to know about him. That he will do anything to get what he wants.

Evan, without a doubt, is one of the most poorly drawn anti-heroes. His unlikability up there with Marie-Antoinette. Only, instead of being founded upon rumors of rumors, it’s founded on his deliberate actions, selfish motivations, and unclear reasoning. Evan Hansen seems more to be the villain of this story than the hero. Which begs the question I shall leave you with, was he the villain all along?

[measuringbliss]

My review of Succession S1

Okay, here's the thing: the show mostly sucks for me. I'm not talking "fun" sucks, I'm talking "when it's not effective, it's boring as fuck and misses the mark at every corner". The performances are great! The cinematography is fine although the color palette is dreary and a lot of scenes are just too dark for my poor screen. The soundtrack is uninteresting: you've got a few songs, but then the one lyricless track is the opening, and it gets derivations about once or twice during the episode, sometimes slower or whatnot. It's uninteresting, it's flat, it's *there* and that's it.

My issue is the story. It's centered around the two most uninteresting, unfun, déjà vu, boring characters of the show. The dad who's a jerk, hates everyone and whose kids are terrified of? Scandal did it better. In seven seasons, Papa Pope was overly used but at least he was still somewhat interesting. After two episodes, I was already sick of Brian Cox and his grumpiness. Oh, his kids are trying to overthrow him? Bet they're gonna fail again and again. Oh, he's above the law? That's something I've never seen. /s

And then you've got Kendall, who plainly sucks. He sucks, he sucks and he sucks. Oh, the son who's got a heart but who's too weak-willed to face his dad? Who has been in rehab once and gets back into his addiction mid-season? Who honestly believes everything's going to work out his way when he's incompetent af? Who causes his own demise? OH MY GOD. HE'S SO UNINTERESTING. SHOW MORE OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS. Show me bitchy Gerry, who fakes her loyalties whenever she needs to, only tries to get the best deal and generally acts like your lesbian aunt who's done with humanity. Show me Martia, the step-mother who obviously has plans for her son to inherit the riches, doesn't try to hide it and throws random (and accurate) French in her sentences just because she can. Show me Connor, who's Trump but hot and naive. Show me Siobhan, who's doing her best boss bitch impression without really believing in it and turns against her family for her political carrier. Show me the Evil Bitch of the West, as Siobhan calls her, her mother who's deliciously bitchy and funny. Show me literally any other characters than those two who don't provide anything exciting or new or fun to follow! Ep 9 was my favorite episode because it's just every characters planning stuff and being bitchy with each other. It works! It's great! But then Ep 10 is flat, predictable, slow, full of missed opportunities, it's a slog and I shouldn't feel the need to press forward whenever Logan or Kendall are on screen.

Fuck this. Scandal was better. Succession seems like an intellectual show because the characters mention stock markets, have ambiguous discussions and it spends far too many scenes on Kendall's relapse, but at least Scandal knew that Olivia and Eli Pope weren't the *only* characters, it knew to make things thrilling even to the point of ridiculousness, and it had a banger soundtrack too!

[duchessofostergotlands]

I really ❤️ your podcast. I use it as a reward for doing something I don't want to or a treat when things suck so much. You're not evil or devious! You should consider a career in PR. We leak shit and dig up dirt on journalists (any opposition, really) all the time. It's a very profitable skill to have and hone (even non-profit PR).

Awww that’s so sweet!! I’m so happy to hear that. I have been so blown away by the response and how many people listen. It’s just lovely and makes all the hours editing it worth it. If you have any topics you’d like us to cover, please do let me know and we can give you a shout out :)

I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging because I’m not actually comfortable saying nice things about myself but I have always thought I would be great at being a publicist or a spin doctor. I don’t know if you’ve seen The Thick of It but it’s a political comedy show in the U.K. by Armando Iannucci (he’s Scottish so gotta love him) and the main character is the head of press for a political party in the U.K., based on Tony Blair’s spin doctor Alistair Campbell. Or like an Olivia Pope (I haven’t seen Scandal but I know enough). I always thought I would be good at that. Weirdly this is one way my BPD is a strength. Like people think we can’t empathise, we’re psychopaths, we don’t feel emotion and that’s not true. I actually think at times we empathise better than anyone. But I can basically switch off my empathy and emotion at times and by default I make big moral decisions based entirely on rules and patterns. I never realised this was weird until we did a class at university on the role of emotions in morality and there were certain things everyone was like “that’s just gross and wrong” based on their gut feeling. And I had no gut feeling. I kind of analyse situations like a robot. So basically I always felt like being able to understand how humans react to things but also being able to detach and see a birds eye view would be a really helpful thing as a publicist. I mentioned this to a work colleague who used to work in banking and has cool, high powered friends and he was like “oh I have friends in PR, I can ask them.” But I got scared because I feel like at 29 I’m too old to start a new career hahaha.

[lemonandbasil]

Easy Peasy Classic Guacamole

Ever since I was a child I’ve loved guacamole. That’s an absolute lie. I hated guac as a kid. That all changed after September 17th, 1954. That night was a local dance. I had been asked out by the cutest guy from my high school class. He had gotten to my house at 7:00 sharp in his bright red convertible. The dance was set up by the local church, of which his family were regulars and devote followers. It was also a potluck! I had decided to bring my most famous guacamole and chips. A classic. A guaranteed hit. Everything was perfect. He started driving me out to the local dance hall, but I noticed he was taking a weird way. He was taking the road out of town into the forest. It did eventually connect around to the other side of the town and the dance hall, but if he went this way we would be late! How would that look to the church-goers? Two teens showing up late clearly coming from the woods. How scandalous! So I mentioned this to him. I told him all that exactly! You know what he said? He said “Oh, I don't mind the rumors if its you.. I just want as much time with you as possible.” How my heart swooned, dear reader. I blushed and sat there happily, reveling in the heartfelt moment with him. We made our way into the forest and he stopped the car, at first I was concerned, but all he did was take off his letterman jacket to put over my shoulders, concerned that I would be cold in the dark, moonless forest with the convertible top down. A true gentleman. As he handed me his jacket, the clouds parted in the most beautiful movement, the glow of the full moon spotlighting us in the night forest. Unfortunately, right at that moment, my date became something not quite human. His neat brown hair grew, it became shaggy and in almost no time at all, it covered his face, his hands, every inch of what had once been skin was now hair - no - fur. His face elongated and he looked at me with sad eyes, his mouth opened as if he was trying to say something, but then he was gone. His eyes were no longer the boy I knew, but an animal. His words replaced with howls and his gentle hands, extended to give me his coat were grasping claws, reaching to my throat. Instead of my date to the dance, I was sitting next to a werewolf. A werewolf, set on tearing me apart. I had no idea what to do, how could I get out of this car, out of the forest, to the dance, before he got me? There was no way, no way at all! But then I remembered: my home-run guacamole. My guacamole that’s changed lives. The guac that made me the homecoming queen. The dip that got me a date to the dance in the first place. My claim to popularity. The chips and guacamole combo that was so good it made the pope bow at my feet. As much as it pained me to do so, I grabbed my bag, my precious guacamole safe in it’s container no longer. I opened it and threw it into the slobbering maw of the beast in front of me. In an instant, he sobered. He stopped, leaned back, swallowed, and looked at me like a puppy. The monstrous beast had been tamed by my, pardon my language, kickass guacamole. Yet another win for my EASY PEASY CLASSIC GUACAMOLE what follows is the magic recipe for taming any unruly dates you may experience! 

Olivia’s Easy Peasy Classic Guacamole

Serves 4

What you’ll need:

3 Avocados

half to 3/4 a lime

2 cloves of garlic

half a jalapeno

10 cherry tomatoes

red onion

salt and pepper

Ok first thing’s first: all of this is to taste. I don’t like tomatoes my mom really likes tomatoes. Doctor it up make it what YOU want.

First, cut the avocados in half and take out the pit in the middle. A good way to do this is to cut a vertical line around the avocado, the grab the two halves and twist. The avocado should just pop apart if its ripe (dark green almost black skin, slightly squishy). Then take your knife and with the avocado sitting with the pit facing up, hold the knife by the handle and put the other hand on top of the dull side of the blade, sharp side resting on the pit. Then hot the dull side of the blade with the palm of you hand so the blade sticks in the pit. The pull the pit out. The use your thumb to dislodge it from the knife and voila (make sure your dog doesn't eat the pit when it falls on the floor after getting it off the knife because its like thousands of dollars to have it surgically removed). Then take a serving spoon and scrape all the good avocado out into a bowl.

Then squeeze that lime juice into the bowl with the avocado. I start with half a lime, then depending on how strong that particular lime was I add more until I think it’s about right. You want to be able to taste the lime, but my sister doesn’t like it because it’s too sour for her, so i generally do just a hint. This is a bit of a personal preference how much lime you want. 

Next we have the garlic! Ok so easy way to peel garlic: microwave for 9 seconds, or until you hear it pop. That’s the water bursting out of the papery skin, now you can just slide the good garlic out! Careful, its hot! Cut off the hard end where it was attached to the other cloves, and take out the green stem from the middle, it makes it more bitter and I personally don’t like bitter guac. Next, mince it! I recommend getting a garlic press because its so easy. 

Mash all of that together with some salt and pepper for flavor

Dice half a jalapeno (or as much as you want) and mix it in!

Slice up some tomatoes (I do like 6 cherry tomatoes, my mom likes a lot more) again a personal thing!

Dice a red onion (i do one disc diced, but again, personal to how much you want)

Mix it all with a little more salt and pepper

Get some good chips and enjoy with your date to the dance!

[doculicious]

International Women’s Day March 8, 2022 - Misogyny lives

March is Women’s History Month in the USA.  Today is International Women’s Day worldwide.  Supposed to be hopeful but it is hard to be.  I just learned in January 2022 of a trauma of misogyny close to me.

A man 20 years older than a woman I know forcibly got her pregnant and then she was forced to continue the pregnancy and have his baby.  This woman I know and I fell out of contact because of her immaturity.  She felt that since I was not the “liked” one that my life was bad reflecting my lack of care and respect when we were in the same circle.  My life would have been better now if I had had the influence of better adult human beings growing up and I am doing okay otherwise.  I take care of myself and treat myself.  It would be nice to get that from other people as well.  That is the struggle of us women born female with a vagina.

I am still trying to figure out the whole story of why she has a baby.  I don’t know how he scammed her into thinking he was younger.  If we had stayed in contact all these years she would not have a baby.  I would not have let it get this far.  If she told me about this man that she met I would have said to R.A. Run Away from him as fast as you can.  

She is a plus size body positivity person with her own blog and social media.  She also makes her own clothes. Clearly her family did not approve of what she was doing.  They resigned her to not being wanted and lovable by a man because she was plus size and wanted her campaign to stop.  It seems that did not find her lovable either.

The older a**hole was looking for another target.  She is not his first victim.  He has been on a misogyny campaign for easily 30 to 40 years.  She might be his first plus size victim though.  He doesn’t even like plus size women.  He is a predator who targeted her to get her pregnant and for her to have his baby.  Her family did not protect her and agreed to force her to have this man’s baby.  Even though he made it clear he was never going to marry her and not financially support her and the child.  He has been harassing her into not reaching out to use the resources out there for single mothers.  I don’t know if she knows his real name. I don’t know if his name is on the birth certificate. Yet he is making all the decisions for some reason when it is not his body or life.

I knew when I was coming up that I was not cared for because it was overt.  I thought she was cared for all this time.  Turns out she was not.  I am a feminist and she isn’t.  My threshold for tolerating bad treatment is non-existent. She needs healing and to expose this poor excuse for a man.  

When American troops left Afghanistan the news media told us how bad it will be for women with the Taliban back in charge.  Those women know who the Taliban is and what they are about.  I guarantee you that being over 18 years old and being forced to carry a baby to full term is much worse that public flogging or stoning.  When it was revealed that she was pregnant her family revealed that they were the Taliban.  You don’t just wake up one day and force your female relative to have a loser man’s baby.  You had this negative opinion of her all along and she never knew.  She thought that was liked, supported, preferred by these people.

I hope I don’t find out that the parents and this predator were in a known conspiracy to get her pregnant to stop her body positivity campaign. I will have to go Olivia Pope on a lot of people.  I miss Scandal.  From Lift (movie filmed in Boston) to an ABC network show, you go girl Kerry Washington!!  

I did not know that making your own clothes and modeling them online and with social media is worse that being forcibly impregnated and forced to have a baby by a man who intended to not help out at all.  It’s tough out here for us women.  At the end of the day you have to have yourself as your support system or you will forced to have a baby.  I am still so angry about this situation and I don’t have all the details yet.

Happy International Women’s Day 2022