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ryuichirou · 5 months ago

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About moray sketches, Idia’s little affair with Sebastian, drawing and art and other things.

Anonymous asked:

Morays are so derpy

They really are… the more I look at them the more obsessed I get lol those silly faces

Anonymous asked:

Those eels are so goofy-looking. Are they your favorite sea creature? If not, then what?

Thank you, Anon!

To be honest, I don’t think I have a favourite sea creature. For now, due to my love for the Octa-trio, I have a big soft spot for moral eels and octopuses. A couple of years ago we had a phase during which we read a lot about sharks. The fact that baby sharks are called pups!! I’m still obsessed with this fact.

In general, sea is fascinating and truly beautiful, but it was never really my thing, so I don’t know much about different kinds of creatures… Should definitely work on that 🤔

Anonymous asked:

🗣🔥BLACK BUTLER MENTIONED🔥🗣

OOoo Sebastián if Ciel finds out you're in troubleee

HEHE YES even though we still aren’t back to our Kuroshitsuji era and I just replied about it the other day… The desire to ship these two was sudden but too strong to resist.

I think Ciel would just roll his eyes to be honest, maybe he would get a bit disgusted… but overall, the whole thing probably happened due to their investigation, so he shouldn’t complain. Or is it jealousy that sours his mood?~

Anonymous asked:

Idia’s hips are so deliciously grabbable. Grabbing them, nibbling them, groping them, hmmm.

And with how thin he is one would think that he would be too sharp around the edges to probably grab. But I guess his bones make him easier to grab… Cute!

Anonymous asked:

The way Idia looks in the last panel…..I don’t think I would be able to resist going back and “interrogating” him more, perhaps all day even. I’m very dedicated, what can I say? 😔

What a hardworking person you are! This is truly inspiring.

I think the more you “interrogate” Idia, the more “interrogatable” he looks… this is magical.

tardigrade-misfit asked:

I’ve come to a realization that I’ve only ever seen one thing drawn of Leona and I need to see more of the lazy lion man 😭

Omg you’re right, we only posted him once (not counting a chibi drawing + fem!Leona in a big genderswap post). It’s so funny, I feel like I draw him every now and then because of commissions (thank you, everyone orz), but at the end of a day we barely have anything Leona-related. The only character less lucky than him is probably poor Cater…

To be completely honest, Leona just isn’t usually on my radar, and even though I sketch him sometimes, those sketches rarely get finished and are mostly posted on ko-fi. Sorry 😔

Anonymous asked:

my god, imagine a more messed up alternate universe where the Asim family had a "last one standing" competition to decide the successor... The head of the family dies and suddenly Kalim is put against his siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, ecc. He would be so bummed out. As soon as he says "Jamil, I think we'll have to kill my family" Jamil just starts crying from joy. Yes! Let's kill all these rich people! And also make you the new head, that would be cool I guess...

AAAH honestly Anon it would be such an interesting story to read and/or watch. Kalim would probably consider giving up multiple times, but ultimately decide against it because he doesn’t really want to die either lol

To Jamil it would absolutely be a joy though. I think some of Kalim’s relatives would try to bribe him out of helping Kalim though, “kill him in his sleep and we will give you a better life” type of deal. But Jamil would refuse~ Not because he’s loyal to Kalim or anything, of course of course.

Anonymous asked:

Since that other anon asked about Epel might as well join in: Jack and Epel. I can see Epel looking up to Jack because "Oh strong muscle man, wanna be like him" so of course Jack being the goodest boy that he is would help Epel train... in more ways than one ;)

Anon, this ship is so good visually with the size difference and all, and Epel salivating at the thought of Jack’s muscles because he really wants to have muscles himself (in reality he is just attracted to Jack) is such a good idea, and we absolutely see its potential… but unfortunately somehow they don’t click with us just yet. Maybe it’s because it feels too fluffy, with Epel getting in trouble and Jack getting him out of trouble? Maybe we’re missing this spice because we haven’t seen a lot of their interactions. Only time will tell…

Nothing against it of course though! Epel should get railed by a big wolf man.

#replies

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quinngefail · 7 months ago

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So uhh I got a good amount of Saw art ideas, I'm pretty occupied right now with a big freelance project but it's also coming to an end soon here so :) I'm very eager because I've been aching to draw these crazy little characters lmao

In the meantime, though, I'm just gonna yap a bit more, sorta get my foot in the fandom door and all that !! And it's just fun to engage with people so hello :}

So uh dunno if anyone else had a similar experience but I watched the first movie for the first time back in like 2019 or so? And I remember being like Wow That Was Pretty Great :) (continues life normally)

But then I started itching to watch it again last year. And like I do not know what the fuck happened but my 2023 viewing activated like The Hyperfixation Sleeper Agent and now here I am, neck deep in said hyperfixation, like-

Its just funny because my younger self would be absolutely shooken with the fact that this is where I'm at right now. There was a good while where I was like Ew I don't want to watch those movies, they're so gross and stupid >:( but now since 2023 I've been like YEAH BABEY I WANNA WATCH THOSE MOVIES THEY'RE SO GROSS AND STUPID!!! 🗣🗣🗣

And I'm also neck deep in this lifelong Star Wars hyperfixation so for a good while now my brain truly has just been. Saw Wars: Duel of the Fixations

But like for how much Saw has utterly consumed my brain, so far I've only seen I, II, III, and X- which like I GOTTA FIX THAT SHIT... I do know the plots to the rest of the movies though, like there's nothing I don't already know- just haven't actually seen the rest of the series yet lol

So yuhh I just wanted to ramble a bit about where I am with the franchise right now. Absolutely lost in the fucking sauce and very excited to make fanart for it >8]

#me thoughts #sawposting #saw 2004 #saw #saw franchise #sawtism

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thegallavault · 2 years ago

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Hi, just a few suggestions for ya & a heartfelt thank you for creating this

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45201739 (already has graphic)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563760/chapters/62035363

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42038652/chapters/105548292

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41874225/chapters/105080007

hi anon! hi anon! so good to hear from you & you're so welcome 🖤 i'm thrilled you're enjoying & engaging with The Gallavault!

ok, these are TOP NOTCH suggestions, thank you so much! i'm throwing all of these on the "fics that need art to be included" list that's at the very end of The Gallavault: Library List! but i'll also shout them out here in case it sparks anything for anyone! 💥🤞✨

CALLING ALL ARTISTS! 🗣🗣🗣🗣

The Taming of Mickey Milkovich by @whatthebodygraspsnot -- while this absolutely does have a graphic already (& a fucking sexy one at that), the primary idea for the vault is that it would feature more traditional fan art. so this one's staying on the "needs art" list!

Etherized Against the Sky by snarfle -- hive mind help! i know that there is fan art out there for this fic. i've seen it with my own two eyes, but i couldn't find it to save my life when i was making the vault. first person to send it to me wins my undying love hehehe

spice up your life by @squidyyy23 -- oh hell yeah! love me some squid spice & please someone make this right now...

and i'm your warm receiver by @metalheadmickey -- again, hell yeah! this absolutely needs art stat!

anon, i hope to be able to make your e-reader dreams come true so soon! xx

#ask the vault #answered #submissions to the gallavault #fics that need art to be included

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ratchan10 · 2 years ago

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I'm showing up some progress on the gun. Took some days working on it and still didn't come with a name to it

1. THE BEGINNING

At first, it started out as a line art of type 64 silenced pistol combined with some bits of colt 380 auto, specifically the model with polymer frame, the trigger was based on glock trigger but drawn from memory , the idea was to make a modernized take on the type 64 that looks less like the og gun and more of it's own thing similar to the Scorpion and Scorpion Evo

As you will see, it will look more different than what it started as

2. SHAPE START FORMING

Then I changed the plan where now it's based on the m9 instead of type 64, I picked up the colors randomly, and it came out looking good

3. THE BERETTAIFICTION

Now, it is just a funky M9 clone with an integral suppressor version as an alternative. I didn't feel satisfied with it, so I did more work on it

Also made this, which is basically a carbine kit based on recover tactical P-IX. This is how it looks for now. The rails and other details will be added soon.

4. UNBERETTAIFICTION

Here is where I started to change more bits of the design. The concept of the blocky slide started as a prototype with auto mod that works more like a MAC 10. Then, I changed my concept to make it work like average pistol. The reason was i didn't like the Mac 10 idea, so I changed plans. I did some stuff like painting some parts Grey to make it more distinguished and made new parts like the threaded barrel and extended mag. However, the hammer looked weird. For some reason, I was baseing it loosely on a soviet bullpup revolver that has the silhouette of a pistol. Didn't like how it came, so I made more changes.

5. THE COMPACT MODEL & THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT HANDCANON 🔥🔥💯💯🧙‍♂️🗣

So this one is basically a compact model with short barrel + slide and fix to the hammer design instead of the blocky shape and the weird hammer. Now, I reused the hammer design of the funky m9 because I felt like it would fit more, and now it worked, and that's not its final design because there is more to work on like making a frame with a small pistol grip and work on the sights

THE SHADOW GOVERNMENT HANDCANON. blessed by the dark priest and cursed by the warlock made by bones and powered by shadow magic. This cursed handgun is given as a gift for the new agent after graduating from the tournament arc and becomes a low rank member of the SHADOW GOVERNMENT 💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🫡

Made this variation for fun and given it some lore . Did some design experimenting like giving it a color gradient and a skull texture on the grip. In addition, I wanted to make it look a bit retro, but then I didn't like how it came

6. SG HANDCANON DESIGN UPDATE

Basically, I detailed more bits, changing the sights , going back with a lower frame with rail, changing the colors of the pistol grip, and finally adding a compensator for less recoil

There will be more work on it, more variation will be made, and more progress will be shown

#art #digital art #medibang #shadow wizard money gang #concept art #work in progress

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storytimewithnova · 1 year ago

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Love Notes💌 and Yellow Hearts💛

In the sweethearts GC

💛Eita💛:Who changed my name

Shona:Me why is it bad🥺

💛Eita💛:No honey i love it

Shona:Where’s Tooru

💛Tooru💛:Yahoo sunshine aww my nickname is cute was this you chibi chan

Shona:Yep

💛Tooru💛:Eita were you just angry at sunshine

💛Eita💛:Sorry i thought it was you

Sho has gone offline

💛Eita💛:Damn it she’s upset with me

💛Tooru💛:Ideas on how to cheer her up

💛Eita💛:Y- yes yes i do

Eita explains the idea

💛Tooru💛:Ooo~ Lets do it

youtube

💛Eita💛:🎶 She put our name with yellow hearts Her favorite color, like the stars⭐️🎶

Shona is online

Shona:??

💛Tooru💛:🎶 I didn't listen very hard When she told me she was crazy from the start🎶

Shona:Tooru?!

💛Eita💛:🎶 She put my name with yellow hearts🎶

💛Tooru💛:🗣 (Yeah, she did)

💛Eita💛:🎶I said she was a work of art🎶

💛Tooru💛:🗣 (Work of art)

Shona:🥺😳

💛Eita💛:🎶I didn't listen very hard🎶

💛Tooru💛:🗣 (Very hard, no, no)

💛Eita💛:🎶When she told me she was crazy from the start🎶

Shona:Aww guys

💛Tooru💛:🎶I drive down open roads so slow Here comes a train, I'll let it go Ain't got nobody on my phone Don't like being all alone🎶

💛Eita💛:🗣(Don't like being all alone)🥀

💛Tooru💛:🎶 Not good at keeping with the trends (No, no) Too good at welcoming amends It's been a while since I've heard her say That we were more than friends Oh🎶

Shona:Of course we are more than friends you are my bfs

💛Eita💛:🎶Oh, I, I-I-I, know a lot is going on But girl, please tell me And I'll let you be Are you still with me or not?🎶

Shona:Of course i just said are you scared i am leaving you

💛Eita💛:💭all the time love

💛Tooru💛:💭always and scared we are not good for you or you are to good for us

Sho:🎶I put your name with yellow hearts My favorite color, like the stars You didn't listen very hard When I told me I was crazy from the start🎶

💛Tooru💛:True that’s my bad

💛Eita💛:^

Shona:🎶 I put your name with yellow hearts 🎶

💛Tooru💛:🗣(Yeah, you did)

Shona:🎶you said I was a work of art🎶

💛Eita💛:🗣 (Work of art)

SemiOi:🎶we didn't listen very hard🎶

Sho:🗣 (Very hard, no, no) SemiOi:🎶When you told us you was crazy from the start🎶

Shona:🎶 I put yellow hearts around my name I thought they were all just the same To you, what do they really mean? Have you only been playing games?🎶

💛Tooru💛:What no never sunshine

💛Eita💛:We love you

SemiOi:🎶I'm by the garden with the carpenter bees Like I'm Bob Ross-in' with a Harden beard Taking it all in like I got no issues in my nature Primroses blooming in the night Birds wanna take me on a flight Appreciating my land 'fore it turns into a glacier Chasers are of no good use This taste will be long endured Why'd you have to go so soon? I thought this was as good as new🎶

💛Eita💛:🎶She put yellow hearts around my name I thought they were all just the same To you, what do they really mean? Have you only been playing games?🎶

Shona:I never play with peoples feels espcially my bfs

💛Tooru💛:We know sunshine

Shona:🎶 I put your name with yellow hearts (Yeah, I did) My favorite color, like the stars (Like the stars)🎶

💛Tooru💛:🎶 I didn't listen very hard (Very hard, no, no) When she told me she was crazy from the start🎶

💛Eita💛:🎶 She put my name with yellow hearts (She put yellow hearts around my name) I said she was a work of art (I thought they were all just the same) I didn't listen very hard (To you, what do they really mean?) When she told me she was crazy from the start (Have you only been playing games?)🎶

Shona:Have you only been playing games?

SemiOi:No, no we love you sunshine

Shona:I love you too now i want cuddles

SemiOi:Yes love

They cuddle for the rest of the night and did anything sho wanted just to make it up to her for upsetting her That included Sitting through sappy romcom movies Which sho loved they indulging in delicious takeout from her favorite restaurant. They laughed and joked, and all the tension from earlier melted away as they enjoyed each other's company.

As the night grew darker, they all settled down on the couch, wrapped up in cozy blankets. Eita and Tooru both whispered sweet nothings in Shona's ear, assuring her of their love and commitment to her. They watched the stars twinkling in the sky through the window, feeling a deep sense of contentment surround them.

Shona couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with happiness. She had two incredible partners who loved her unconditionally, and she loved them just as fiercely. Their bond was stronger than ever, and nothing could break them apart.

As they snuggled closer, Shona felt a surge of love fill her heart. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Eita's lips, then turned to Tooru and did the same. The room was filled with love and affection, and in that moment, they knew that they were each other's forever.

From that day forward, their relationship only grew stronger. They faced challenges together, supported each other's dreams, and continued to shower each other with love and affection. They created a beautiful world where the three sweethearts lived, a world filled with happiness, laughter, and endless moments of joy.

And they never forgot the power of yellow hearts and the way it had brought them all closer together. It was a constant reminder of the love they shared, and a symbol of the unbreakable bond between them.

In the sweethearts' world, love conquered all, and the yellow-hearted trio would live happily ever after.

#Youtube

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years ago

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14 fe bru ar y 2023 Sdsy autocorrect being weird: SDSU stay.. was trying 2 type Tuesday 12:24 am pdt

they never mean anything they say unless it has to do with dying. Killing me. I anticipate dying pain abdomen stomachache? Piercing pain 12:25 am pdt see? I can’t though Bcz you’re not here.

A classmate of mine decided to collect people’s cell phones 📱 & put them up on a wall as a social experiment contest. Prize was a new phone 📱 if the last one. I have (1:18 am pdt gave) her mine for 2-3 days. I did not win. Then after I graduated 2009, she went on a camping ⛺️ trip & died in a car accident. She was a philosophy & art practice major. 12:29 am pdt

12:30 am pdt in Kroeber hall I think it was I was walking 🚶🏿‍♀️ through the halls & a guy who I didn’t see his face did a weird pivot in front of me, & I thought It was strange. Someone seemed to call (heart pain 12:32 am pdt heart ♥️) out to that guy “Amar!” Autocorrect: Brendan I A... ok. Amar is a familiar name to me. I hung out with someone named Amar. But I didn’t know this Amar. 12:34 am pdt so it caught my attention, too. 12:35 am pdt (#3 feels 12:35 am pdt & hot 🥵) if you recall, Amar Malik helped write ✍️ Stereo Hearts ♥️ so there’s that, too. Lots of coincidences. 12:37 am pdt

≈12:23 am pdt incubus was burning my back & pulling apart my hip bones 🦴😖😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭12:38 am pdt

12:39 am pdt I also found online in 2017 that Amar Malik reviewed cell phones 📱. A weird thing I also found on Wikipedia ≈2013/2014 forget when that he was originally a computer programming major. At Virginia tech? 12:41 am pdt some weird stuff was going on with my MacBook’s WiFi... weird. Also ≈2015/2016 I looked inside that laptop 👩🏻‍💻 & found some wet silver stuff... I don’t know where this wet silver stuff is coming from. I bought the laptop in 2007 & this was not a part of the laptop 👩🏻‍💻 that I usually looked at. 12:43 am pdt

going back to university... there was a day everyone’s projects were playing & on display & it’s near the end of the semester, in the gallery open to public. A tall thin brown skin young man was next to me wearing a bright red T-shirt. 12:45 am pdt

12:46 am pdt the lights of the room I think is off, w/ natural light 💡 filtering in through the hallway windows 🪟???? Right shin pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵 12:47 am pdt my dvd 📀 of my project was playing & near the end I’m screaming in it & made a hole in the wall w/ a chair 🪑. The guy standing next to me yells out “she’s crazy! She’s really crazy!” & I almost say to him “I’m right here” but I don’t. I didn’t have enough confidence? To talk to this stranger? Often also I don’t feel like I can speak 🗣. 12:50 am pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if this guy is the same guy who pivoted in front of me at that other moment. I think I sometimes don’t have a very good visual face memory? 12:51 am pdt

beats 🎧 audio head phones are also (weird farting I don’t like 😩😖😭head right side temple stabbed pain 12:53 am pdt) I think incubus is going to kill me afterthis. In music video maroon 5 give a little more. 12:54 am pdt Steve LaMar & Steve LaMar 2 different guys? 12:55 am pdt Sierra LaMar’s dad.

1:18 am pdt I don’t like the way this is going with incubus I really don’t trust them. He’s going to tear me apart. I’m going to not have legs 🦵 soon. 1:19 am pdt or I will be dead soon. I’d rather die than live with out legs 🦵. I’ve been through enough misery/agony. 1:20 am pdt

6:59 am pdt diarrhea feeling when I wake up 🆙 a few mins ago. They really destroyed too much of my brain 🧠 it’s giving me anxiety.

7 am pdt I don’t see a happey ending. They really told me so. I am losing the ability to keep reality & emotions straight? Logic - ability to hold onto it? One thought 💭. They came clean to me, that everything is a manipulation tactic. 7:03 am pdt I’m guessing from now on they cannot hold onto the lie. Bcz they are probably going full force on killing me.

7:04 am pdt they had folded pages pages of my dictionary to tell me that I was going to be extremely damaged to win at near the end of last year - the fight to improve society - a martyr but I guess that should have been my hint that they’re lying 🤥 about being my husband & children 👶. They all manipulated me w/ showing me tears & puffy eyes 👀 as if they don’t have control over how damaged I become. They beat me up. If I ever point out something. 7:07 am pdt they are destroying me. 8 billion is a lot. Why keeps going up? They have capabilities to support a bigger population but they don’t want a bigger population. How many stars ⭐️ are there in the universie? Are we really alone in the universe? 7:09 am pdt

7:25 am pdt the question 🙋🏻‍♀️ is I guess as a beast w/ the head injury 🤕 who healed ??? Coming from the oven ocean 🌊.............. are you going to stand alone hidden in agony or out in the open for everyone to see so that you can really see that god is a liar 🤥 w/ no intentions of making society better????

ANYONE who doesn’t help me, will be considered GUILTY of supporting human (pain. ! Brain 🧠 inside ow!) s*x trafficking. If Amar Malik & whoever knew him to be at UC Berkeley December 2008 doesn’t come forward & anyone who knows the voice did not originate in Holland doesn’t come forward. You will all be speculated to be guilty of supporting human s*x trafficking. Beats audio head set is alink. 7:30 am pdt & so am I. If you don’t come out with the truth, you will not be set free. You can do what the devil incubus wants or you can make this easy. 7:31 am pdt 7:32 am pdt

would you rather go down swinging alone or out in the open so we can show the world 🌎 what a liar god is? 7:32 am pdt

Joe, you need to stop hiding from. Me. 7:33 am pdt I believe you told Simon cowbell something & that’s why he’s like that now. L

7:43 am pdt 7:44 am pdt that includes you Instagram stop 🛑 suspending my account you’re hiding evidence from everyone. 7:44 am pdt

7:45 am pdt I saw on YouTube that heather hamptons real last name is heather lean ≈2013. Same last name as “Brendan” [email protected] 7:46 am pdt linked to the link

7:55 am pdt incubus will kill when he wants. Simon barely said a thing & he destroyed him. He was standing alone at the time? 7:55 am pdt

7:58 am pdt my head is burning 🔥 I guess no one will help me. So the world 🌎 will be always the same. I will be gone. But every one who could have spoken up 🆙 will most likely die too after I’m gone/dead. 8 am pdt

8:44 we can go down swinging punches tiger tiger together in public or die alone. 8:45 am pdt

8:46 am pdt I guess only

robots 🤖 are reading 📖 my tumblr 8:47 am pdt

9:44 am pdt guess I am crazy . No one’s going to help. No one cares. Everybody likes human trafficking. “Porn makes the world go round.” - incubus. Porn = s*x human trafficking? A component of? 🤔9:46 am pdt

guess we are really doomed to continue on like this forever. 9:48 am pdt I didn’t realize that we would be after all the brain 🧠 washing last year. Have to readjust again to the idea 💡 of a tortured painful life & death ☠️ again. Up 🆙 down up 🆙 down roller coaster 🎢 9:51 am pdt unfortunately.

tick tock autocorrect: tock to kill. 9:54 am pdt death ☠️ is enevitable. You think incubus is going to keep you? He’s interested in very young woman 👩🏻 for s*x only. That’s why he cheats. He likes them naïve. 9:56 am pdt

9:57 am pdt if you like old duck 🦆 d*ck 🍆who will dispose of you easy... 9:58 am pdt

probably only today I have left to live. 10:05 am pdt the way it’s going. After today it will probably no longer be possible to change anything. 10:06 am pdt time will be up. Written in stone. 10:07 am pdt

10:08 am pdt Scott once went w/ a bunch of his friends to the science 🧬 academy museum place? W/o his best friend J. J. Was so mad they went w/o him & (10:12 am pdt he was working), including J’s girlfriend who I think he recently married. They all took a picture together, w/ J’s girlfriend standing in front of Scott. What a great best friend. Forced nicolatian? Possibly. Not sure. Speculation. But maybe worth thinking about & keeping it in your memory. Own idea 💡 alluding to what the future holds & the present. 🎁 brain 🧠 acid & sandpaper pain. Scott I think 🤔 might have taken another young woman 👩🏼W/ them. I think her name was joanna something like Dunham? I forget. 10:14 am pdt my bRain 🧠- probably a bad omen. The accidental spelling. I guess a lot of guys like that sort of nicolatiam stuff including incubus Bcz it looks like he’s threatening me w/acid in my brain 🧠 again w/ accidental spelling w/ R capitalized = acid Rain 🌧 in brain 🧠😞 10:17 am pdt

I forget the name of the place probably San Francisco 10:17 am pdt I guess incubus thinks it is love to tell a middle age man to rape an 11 year old girl 👧. That’s incubus love. Never ending story. 10:19 am pdt

10:23 am pdt maybe in other situations it would b ok if you don’t already have a partial commitment to someone that’s meant as a trial run to marriage if it was a group date, but he’s king 🤴 david w/ a lot of power. Can’t say no in the land of nod. 10:23 am pdt helicopter 🚁 passing by. 10:25 am pdt

Americas funniest home videos

Scott’s mural at a pizza 🍕 place

fuze? YouTube video

a clip from will Ferrell animated movie 🎥 in an interview show

I will look 👀 for urL of the fuze. I got ta go I think 💭 11:36 am pdt

11:57 am pdt can’t find it. /watch?v=v60lwuZczSk

might an i or an L not sure this is different that came up 🆙 in search 🔦. 11:59 am pdt coughing difficulty breathing pain skull 💀 brain 🧠 when coughing 12 pmpdt hot 🥵😤🥵😤

about 20 mins ago I started feeling greedy like I want all the money 💰 I’m the world 🌎 I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I feel wicked & cruel. Why? Bcz I saved money 💰 & didn’t share w/ my aunt & cousin? 😞 I didn’t kick them out. My mom did. I feel guilty though Bcz I gave her a hard time about hand washing, the way the trash was taken out, making a mess won the kitchen floor when they ate. It was a lot I thought I remembered at the time - for a second made me feel wicked about talking about it. That’s what a table and placemat is for. Eat on the table. Don’t let it fall on the floor. I vacuumed literally minutes b4 she came &!started eating then my cousin copied her soon after. At the time my aunt believed I was bad, & my mom sat w/ her in spark (12:15 pmpdt park) to talk to give her a second chance to convince her not to kick her out. I grew up having to be quiet & not interrupt her sleep 🛌. Whenever my mom woke up Bcz of a noise I produced she got very mad at me. My aunt & cousin didn’t seem to try to respect that at the time. My mom made excuses for them at first saying, I should really be up 🆙 at 7 am anyway. We were both in btwn jobs. & I think I was paying for 3/4 ? 2/3? Of the rent at the time. I think I remember admitting to my mom that I should not have been as hard about it to her as I was, that I should not have yelled at her? I think 🤔 I said that. But something really made my mom want to kick 🦵 her out. Was it me? Was it them? Was it something else? 12:14 pmpdt I was extra hard on her Bcz I was afraid to live together. I actually wasn’t comfortable with the idea 💡 but my mom said we had no choice? I should have been not as hard as I was. I think 🤔 though if she didn’t give me a hard time about some things like that I knew better about eating 🍽 the chocolate burnt hard rock cake, therefore it was wrong of me to complain about them being noisy at a time I was trying to catch up on sleep 🛌. Does brain 🧠 damage from getting punched in the top of the head. Does that make you more likely to not be able to control your cravings & eating impulses? 😱😰 🧟‍♀️🧟🧟‍♂️😱😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥺 I think I might have had a fear that she was going to walk all over me at some point. Is this unlikely? Unfounded? I should have not complained. They weren’t going to be around everyday. I probably should have just tolerated it. I wasn’t comfortable w/ the idea 💡 of living w/ them though Bcz of myself. Bcz I was too afraid of my past. Bcz I condemned myself. I guess she’s really mad at me for getting kicked out. Maybe if she was not noisy & didn’t intentionally interrupt my mom’s sleep 🛌 maybe we would have stayed together? Maybe my fears would have subsided & eased into the new living arrangement? Maybe? I feel like I am full of it at that thought 💭 but it probably could have worked out if we talked? We lived w/ each other periodically b4 & I did live at least once w/ a roommate in college for a year. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t too difficult. Now I’m starting to feel like I am the problem again. We tried to be friends 😞. I am a problem. I feel wicked & cruel. 12:35 pmpdt

12:36 pmpdt my roommate suggested I live alone the next year. She was learning to be a counselor so I took her advice. She almost transferred out of our dorm but I convinced her to stay. When the year was over? I think she also started to get cold feet 🦶 about adjusting to different roommates. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if that meant that I was an ok roommate that she mayb was thinking she should have been my roommate again or if she wanted to live alone, too. We hung out a few times the next year & I met her new room mates. Autocorrect: knife kill. Behalf (head 12:47 pmpdt) cutting pain 12:42 pmpdt incubus wants me to stay quiet 🤐 on something important regarding someone I ran into @ university. Probably another fake out device that he’s going to claim if I reveal that it’s a form of double crossing even though he very rarely tells me anything. 22:44 12:44 pmpdt I don’t really believe his stories anymore though. 12:45 pmpdt I’m hesitant both ways.

12:51 pmpdt I’m hesitant both ways Bcz he hurt me a lot! 😭😭😭😭😵😵😵😵

1:15 pmpdt I still feel guilty. I feel Ike I’ve been greedy. Too greedy. Bcz of how I felt when I made specific decisions regarding money 💰? For example above. Maybe I should have been more giving. 1:17 pmpdt I had some things to consider though that really would have cut into my savings: student loan, maybe helping my mom more with paying off her credit cards should have been on the table - & I used that as reason to convince her to stay with me so we could share the cost in rent. 1:20 pmpdt also I thought a little about going to an Amen’s clinic but that was expensive & I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough. I also oddly became a little stingy while taking accounting classes - I didn’t buy something that I needed for class, I tried to do without it. 1:25 pmpdt (heart♥️ pain 1:25 pmpdt exhaling hot 🥵 air) 1:26 pmpdt 1:31 pmpdt strangely now at this moment I feel apathetic? Not caring? Greed w/o guilt. Now the guilt is creeping back in. Makes me question if I’m a good person or not. What’s real. Left shin pain. I feel worthy of disdain? My dad was a teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 & said he didn’t make a lot of money 💰 he had to think of ways to cut his expenses down. Sometimes he seemed to splurge on a few things. When he retired he moved to a cheaper place to live. 1:36 pmpdt I usually saved money he gave me until college. I bought an old car, used text books, & bought frozen dinners to take to school 🏫 (burning hot 🥵 legs 🦵) or ate in the cafeteria. Sometimes I starved myself & only ate snack bars. In high school 🏫 I gave my sister money for 2 middle school 🏫 yearbooks. 1:40 pmpdt sometimes I wore hand me downs in community college. 1:41 pmpdt I was greedy sometimes w/ food. 😓😵🥵🥵🥵🥵😭😭😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵 1:42 I feel like I failed a test. 1:43 pmpdt

2:06 pmpdt 2:07 I go round in circles repeatedly about a lot of thoughts 💭. Like, if there wasn’t a god, would I have done bad things? Would I go & do stuff? Am I extremely fake ? There are times I believe that I would. Now it feels I’m going insane from time to time. Trying to stay out of trouble. Fighting a lot of feelings that overwhelm me. Would I have caved otherwise if I didn’t think there would be consequences? Am I good or bad? I feelthat I am bad. My brain is wrecked so should I be hard on myself? I have put up with neglect & abuse. 2:12 pmpdt all I can say is I’m glad I didn’t go that far in bad deeds to others. & that I’m not a man. I hope I’m not a man.. is my vag real???? Or is it fabricated by god???? I once questioned whether I was born with a penis & no one wants to tell me. Sarah Silverman baby penis on my mind 2:15 pmpdt this feels dangerous to write ✍️ but I put context here. Will people forgive this???? 2:16 pmpdt

3:14 pmpdt I’m back down the roller coaster 🎢 again. I feel I’m fake. That I’m sacrificial lamb 🐑. Is the incubus so desparate to get rid of me that he would allow rape to happen? To trick me? Bcz incubus doesn’t care for people? So it’s my fault that rape happened? Such as a police 👮‍♀️ officer 👮‍♀️ needing a speeder to give tickets 🎫 to? The child was raped Bcz he needed to give me a job to do???? 😱😰 is this the only way he could think to get rid of me & maintain a façade that he’s fighting crime? Not originally what I was going to write ✍️ but I guess this is close to what I was thinking. I feel like I have a fairytale 🧚🏽‍♀️ land in my head but reality is bleaker now that I’m getting a glimpse of different feelings that god gives me. 😰reality is he’s going to kill me. Maybe he has (vag pain stings 3:22 pmpdt- feels like a sarcastic joke Bcz I ran away his way of calling me a p*ssy) run 🏃🏻‍♀️ out of patience so he’s giving me a dose of reality. 3:24 pmpdt I don’t feel happy in reality. 3:25 pmpdt this feels real, reality feels bleak. God is scary 😦. 3:26 pmpdt why would god make people do stuff like that? He really doesn’t care or love ❤️ specific people? Only some rich 🤑 people? Or does he not love ❤️ them either. This reason I thought 💭 a minute ago now I’m forgetting they took it away from me that god really likes to sacrifice & that nothing matters. 😱😰😨 3:29 this is extremely bleak. I don’t seem to have a chance at survival or recovery. He really enjoys being that way - cruel, wicked, greedy, deceitful, lecherous... 3:31 pmpdt this is awful 😞

3:32 pmpdt I have questioned what’s my true self. What is his true self & why does he do what he does? Now I question again but I remember reaching a similar conclusion years ago probably 2017/2018. Life is short. & so am I. 3:34 pmpdt I feel that I have bad luck. & I will soon be resting peace ☮️ peace ✌️. Faith why have any of it? Think it’s a device to mislead. 3:37 pmpdt I think the incubus has been stealing my food 🥺😖😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😖😭😖😭😖😭😱😰 probably did it for years, especially when I had difficulty breathing. 3:39 pmpdt

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