#MMMMMMM i am not as optimistic now!

[dustwereturn]

i’m looking at the cast & writers of the new haunted mansion movie and ……. oh

[lannisterdaddyissues]

answer all 20 fma questions go. i am holding you at gunpoint 🔫✨

ANON YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE IM OBSESSED WITH U NOW JFDJSGJFSKGJ but please dont hold me at gunpoint who do u think u are riza hawkeye--

1.) What type of Alchemy would you use?

i'm currently on the pre-med track so medical alchemy would be cool!! but if i'd have to fight then i will cheat and say i can do lightning alchemy bc guess what its my fantasies and I GET TO CHOOSE THE ALCHEMY HEADCANONS but it would probably be related to water alchemy somehow since lightning comes from charged particles in the clouds. maybe i could primarily be a water alchemist and lightning is a subset of that!

2.) What would your state alchemist codename be?

hmmm im gonna cheat and decide yes i can do lightning shit bc i said so so i guess my codename would be something lame and on the nose like the lightning alchemist or the spark alchemist :/ im lame and useless like roy but on the opposite end of the spectrum because i can only use my alchemy when its wet or raining boohoo...

3.) Would you serve in the military?

yell heah their uniforms are sick! i would like to be an army doctor tho :/ idk about fighting other people and electrocuting them to ash. i would DEFINITELY be on edward elric's call list when the promised day comes around tho, i refuse to miss a chance to go toe to toe with a homunculus

4.) Alchemist/Engineer/Soldier? alchemist! maybe soldier. not sure.

5.) Would you commit the taboo? mmmmm yeah probably if i had sufficient motivation, ignoring the fact that it doesn't work because i would probably ignore that

6.) Favorite character? answered! it's roy :)

7.) brOTP? HYUROI!!!! their friendship is so so so so personal to me. i love it platonically and romantically, i love it in pre-canon and canon, i love it in an au, i love it no matter what. there has never been an anime friendship more personal and close to the heart than hyuroi

8.) OTP? ROYAI!!!!! it's been 7 years and i'm still utterly obsessed with them. how arakawa-sensei managed to make a tangible love story with two characters who barely ever touch and arent even allowed to look each other in the eye without getting arrested on suspicion of secretly fucking is beyond me. she is a genius

9.) Which theme song do you find yourself singing the most/the catchiest? either rain by sid (fmab op 5) or undo by cool joke (fma op 3)!

10.) FMA or FMAB? fmab by a long shot! fma is good as a standalone because you don't know what you're missing out on lmao

11.) nOTP? mmm i wouldn't exactly call this a notp but i don't really ship edling all that much even though it's popular. i don't actively dislike it tho. i do hate edvy though bc that's gross and whenever i see it i gag.

12.) Character you’re most like/relate to? winry! she and i both have our Special Hyperfixation™ (automail for her and medicine for me), and i felt a real kinship with her, esp in 03 because at some points she felt like an afterthought which i am used to feeling that way too. but she's always so optimistic and a little hot-headed with her friends which is definitely me!

14.) Who (which character) do you look the most like?

hehehe i also look a lot like winry if you mix her with catherine elle armstrong! just give me shorter hair and that's me!

15.) Black Hayate or Den? ...................black hayate :(

16.) Favorite deadly sin? answered! it's wrath/king bradley :)

17.) Who would you want as your parents? hohenheim and trisha bc they remind me of my parents in some ways! my dad is awkward like hohenheim but he could also totally kill god without breaking a sweat and my mom is totally a momma bear and she would fight anyone who messes with us

18.) Who would you want as your child(ren)? mmmmmmm the main three i guess? ed al and winry? i would also totally adopt baby pride/selim because look at that face... hes so precious

19.) Part that made you cry the most? i never cry at fiction but hughes' death is a given, and also rain (fmab op 5) definitely gives me the feels whenever i watch/listen to it

20.) Least favorite character? answered! it's a tie between shou tucker and envy :)

21.) Your favorite FMA AU? i love the various time travel fix-it fics on ao3 where ed goes back in time and fixes everything, but my hands-down all-time favorite fma au ever has to be the meaning of hyacinths by @starryeyed-char! (shoutout!) it's an au where hughes lives and roy "dies" instead of him and the writing is so EXQUISITE i cannot express to you in enough words how amazing and incredible this series is. it is absolutely a must-read. caveat that it's still being written and currently has eight parts, but the author plans to take it all the way to the promised day so just be patient for the next installments!!

[madameocotillo]

Mmmmmmm actually you know what, I was debating whether or not to do this, but i’m gonna talk more.

I see so much stuff dealing with “what to do when you’re so depressed you can’t shower” and “How to be nicer to yourself & lower the unfair standards you hold yourself to”, and other great! very helpful, very necessary reads for what to do while you’re in the middle of a bad time, but what I am not sure I have ever seen pertains to what I am working with right now.

The crisis is over; i’ve got a roof, a car, a job, I have hobbies that I enjoy and meds that are both of the correct type and dosage; essentially, I am stable. I had my YEARS of garbage, but the clouds have broken, uplifting metaphor goes here, etc etc, and yet?

Because I know I am doing well generally, and because I know what doing well feels like now, periods, like today & if i’m totally honest the last couple weeks on/off, I am aware that I am NOT doing well. I unfortunately, besides ADHD and Bipolar 2, have a nice bit of “This is Fine” disorder, which in the past has taken me down a path where I waived aside my actual mental issues in favor of telling myself “this is fine, i’m just tired/I just need to make it to the weekend/I just need x I just need y-.” Until it was too late, and I was so screamingly depressed that I stopped functioning.

Besides feeling totally exhausted for no identifiable reason, i’ve noticed another “tell” that I can link together with all the other times i’ve spiraled, and that’s communication has gotten very difficult for me to keep up. This is one of the first things that goes when I start feeling overwhelmed, and i’ve been leaving conversations on hold recently because the thought of them is draining, which thank god I recognize now as being very much out of the ordinary for me.

The reason this is such a problem, is THIS TIME, I really do think it’s all fine, i’m just fucking tired! I’ve done a TON of stuff this last few weeks, and have traveled out of town at least once every weekend; of course i’m fucking tired! But, bringing back what I mentioned in the second paragraph, what I have never seen an article cover is:

“So you feel like you lost a bunch of years to mental illness, but you’re doing better now, how do you stop yourself from freaking out about sliding back into it?”

I’m generally not an anxious person, but BOY does the thought of regaining ye olde depressive state stress me the fuck out. It’s so hard to tell sometimes when you’re sliding into one, because for me at least, they’re always been gradual declines.

The cheerfully optimistic, chaotic dumbass in me is trying to be reasonable, and point out all the ways that my situation is different this time, but there’s that one little bit back there whispering, ”but what if it isn’t?”

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 6)

tfw you go to work halfway through a liveblog post. not a good feel.

Part 6 encompasses pages 394-476 (previous parts)

Okay, sleep is good, but it’s back to my boys time.

Only Dalinar would consider healing himself in a vision “cheating”

I’M SO EXCITED FOR DALINAR’S OTHER SURGE

let’s get some new magic up in here

“Welcome to my madness, ladies.” DALINAR PLEASE, that’s the most ridiculous greeting ever.

Navani getting all overly excited about an ancient fabrial is delightful. She’s like a kid on Christmas. Though if this leads to her figuring out the design and getting lil Regrowth machines out into the world so people can heal, that would be magnificent. And seems like exactly the thing she’d be planning on doing.

THERE WAS A TEARFUL MOTHER-DAUGHTER REUNION!! THERE WAS ONE!! I’VE BEEN ROBBED

I genuinely love how every time Dalinar orders the Stormfather to do something, he’s like “wtf dude, no I don’t take orders from you” but he does it anyway.

sooo..most of the time when a Radiant dies, their spren dies, too. But the Stormfather was actually...enchanced? by Honor’s death. Obviously, Honor isn’t a Radiant, and I get the feeling that the Stormfather wasn’t his spren, but there’s a certain similarity in that they were clearly connected in some way--if they weren’t, why would his death affect the Stormfather at all? So why did the spren memory loss thing work the opposite way for the Stormfather--that he was fuzzy and forgotten while his connected being was alive, and more sure of himself now that Honor is dead?

“Dalinar squinted, but he still couldn’t make out which were human and which were not.” I feel like that says something, doesn’t it? If you can’t tell the humans from the parshmen? the maybe you’re not so different after all? Maybe you all die the same way, you all bleed and fight and die the same way. And maybe the things you’re fighting for are different, but there’s something to be said for looking at things from a different point of view.

oooohhh honey, is that what they told you? That the Heralds ascended to the Tranquiline Halls? God, humans so want to believe the best of people--as a general rule, we are an optimistic race. We want to believe things will get better or people won’t disappoint us. The betrayal of the Heralds wasn’t even a thing they could comprehend. Why would their gods abandon them? Surely, it was because they’d earned a better afterlife, not because they were tired of being tortured and just...walked away.

I’m emotional about the surprising resilience of humanity, but also of the marvelous ways humans lie to themselves to make themselves feel better.

I’m also emotional about the Heralds. That’s a constant thing though, sort of goes without saying.

ARE WE ACTUALLY GETTING INFO ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!!?? AAAHHHHHH WHAT

FINALLY

Wait, are you telling me that the Desolations--all of them--were started by vengeful, angry ghosts????

vengeful, angry Parshendi ghosts.

that’s...marvelous.

OOHHHHHHHH

THIS IS MY SHIT THIS IS MY JAM. TEN PEOPLE PUTTING THEMSELVES IN HELL TO SAVE EVERYONE ELSE AAHH THESE PEOPLE

strong, selfless, sacrificing people

who got tired. and fucked up. and broke. and I’m

goooddddd this is MY SHIT THIS IS MY FAVORITE GIMME THIS WHOLE NOVEL AAAAHHH

AND THEN THEY WENT BACK KNOWINGLY KNOWING WHAT WAS WAITING FOR THEM THEY WENT BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN WILLINGLY KNOWINGLY I”M

I AM EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE HERALDS

also the Stormfather slowly gaining humanity/perspective on humanity is a beautiful thing to witness. Like, yeah, we got it with Syl and Pattern and will with other spren, I’m sure, but it’s wild to see it in the soul of a storm.

HE WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE HE WASN’T A KING HE WASN’T ANYONE SPECIAL HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND HE WAS THE STRONGEST OF THEM AND HE NEVER BROKE HE NEVER GAVE IN AND HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND I”M

TALN

TAAAAAALLNNNN

I’M CRYING

I”M C R Y I N G

I AM UPSET ABOUT THE HERALDS

FOUR AND A HALF THOUSAND YEARS

(also that’s a lord of the rings reference I never noticed before, good job)

oohh shiiiiiittttt. they are reborn literally every nine days how the hell do you fight that

haaa um. the letter in the epigraphs--”it was agreed that no two Shards should settle in the same place”--my dude...you’ve got a limited number of inhabitable planets in this system. hate to break it to you, but... y’all were gonna end up in the same places. ..

“Everyone who might have been able to help us is crazy, dead, a traitor, or some combination of all three. Figures.” 1. Kaladin pls. 2. No, they can’t be dead. that’s too convenient. and also if they’d died before Taln escaped, he would have had someone there to help bear the torture burden and maybe wouldn’t have broken? Or...maybe I’m assuming Taln is stronger than he was there at the end.

Also, Kaladin, you don’t get to be self-righteous about the Heralds. I know you suffered and were tortured and survived with your oaths intact, but you almost didn’t--you reaaaally almost didn’t--and your tortures weren’t nearly as bad as theirs.

“Maybe that should make you reconsider those other wars, rather than using them to justify this one.” GET REKT, DALINAR. GOD, WHAT AN IMPORTANT LINE.

See, Shallan, that’s the beauty of Kaladin. He doesn’t consider whether or not something is “the sort of thing you say to the Blackthorn.” He knows what’s right, or what should be right, and he knows what needs to be said, and he frikkin says it. That’s one of the marvelous things about him--it’s not that he doesn’t care about the consequences, it’s that the consequences of him not speaking are worse. Because if he doesn’t speak, he doesn’t have a chance to change minds or hearts at all.

“You, three of your men, the king, and Adolin.” GOD BLESS THIS ROADTRIP

MMMMMMM YEAH NOPE

No wonder Jasnah and Taravangian got along so well; they have the same world philosophy. Murder a few people on the off chance that that might stop everyone else from dying.

Pragmatic, but ultimately horrible. And probably ineffective. The Heralds already broke. There was only a single year between the last two Desolations. It is highly likely that they any of them did go back now, they would simply break immediately and you’d have the same problem right away.

Usually, Jasnah has good ideas, but this is just. stupid.

ALSO THE FACT THAT HER ONLY OTHER SUGGESTION IS GENOCIDE OF THE PARSHENDI IS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. COME ON, JASNAH, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

Listen, I don’t think Jasnah counts as a really good therapist, but at least she’s...trying? to help Shallan? Shallan really needs a therapist.

“Is there a solution?” “I don’t know.” “Perhaps...act like an adult?” Amen, Pattern. Aaaaaamen.

Here’s the thing: I fully 100% understand that Shallan is a sheltered, frightened, PTSD, abused child who can’t confront her problems and therefore hides in various identities because it’s safe there. The problem is that this is the end of the world. Nothing is safe. And acting petulant because you want to sketch in a corner and hide and the big adults are forcing you to help save the world? Not an endearing quality.

I know she has panic attacks whenever she thinks about confronting her problems, and panic attacks suck ass, but you need to work through them? At some point, if you really hate yourself that much, you have to stand up and decide to change? Decide to be better. Shallan has said several times that she hates herself and she wants to change, but she refuses to actually do that. And yeah, it’s fucking hard, but there comes a point when you just have to grow up.

~*~unpopular Shallan opinions with Megan~*~

“Was she perhaps simply not interested?” Ace!Jasnah #confirmed. haha

Okay but like...Jasnah would never train you to be only a “mousy scribe” like...what the fuck, Shallan.

oh of course. Skybreaker...

Okay, so there’s the Sons of Honor--now Amaram’s domain. The Ghostbloods. The Diagram. Hello Darkness My Old Friend’s Skybreakers--which we know from Edgedancer were working on Ishar’s orders. The listeners and the parshmen. And us. the New Radiants. That’s.....a lot of groups with very conflicted purposes and goals.

Someone else in Amaram’s army was close to bonding a spren? and Hello Darkness took them out... Was that the other voice Syl was talking about? the first person she heard? who the heck was it.

“How long will Shallan go before she remembers we’re here?” Aw, Gaz, it’s like you think she cares about you guys.

I AM FREE FROM WORK AAHHH

going to work for 8 hours mid-liveblog just sucks y’all. Anyway. On we go!

“Teft woke up. Unfortunately.” I KNOW THE FEELING, MY DUDE

also good finally please tell me what my boy has been up to/where he’s been disappearing off to

......why this

we didn’t need a drug addiction subplot. why this.

also OOH HE HAS A SPREN? What type. It’s automatic to assume Windrunner, but what if it’s not?

WELL, I’M GLAD KALADIN AND ROCK FOUND HIM wtf we didn’t need this aargghhhh

We’re...really not going to get Azir, are we? I mean. that litany of what the Sunmaker did to them...I’m not freaking surprised that they don’t trust the Alethi. I wouldn’t. That’s horrible.

Dalinar has a point about living long enough to see his consequences though. And he’s actually doing a pretty good job of owning up to his mistakes and dealing with his consequences.

Probably wouldn’t hurt to, like...apologize to Azir though.

OMG LIFT HI

HI BBY GIRL I LOVE YOU

how the heck did she get in here though? is this some of her connected-to-the-cognitive-realm stuff?

pfff Gawx just being so excited to see her thas cuuutte. Besties 5evar.

OOHHH THE ART IN THE BUBBLE IT’S GOT THE PATCH RIPPED OFF

OHHHHHH OOOOOOHHH OOOOH MY BOY. MY MOASH. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he’s alive I’m

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

pfft “stew”. nothing will ever live up to Rock’s, I’m sure.

oh wait shit okay

I did not remember that Moash’s king-killing friends were Diagram peeps...I’m assuming we knew that in WoR but I did not remember and that’s... Why would Taravangian want to kill Elhokar? That wouldn’t do much to destabilize anything--that would just put Dalinar more firmly in charge... hm.

unless Taravangian wants Dalinar in charge because he know Dalinar trusts him... dangit. okay.

MEANWHILE I”M UPSET ABOUT MOASH

at least he didn’t throw the patch away. he can sew it back on when he comes back

OH GOD HE’S IMAGINING THEM BEIN HAPPY WITHOUT HIM AND I’M SAD? HE MISSES THEM SO MUCH

AAAAAHHHHHHH

n ooooo he didn’t tell them he didn’t want them to hate you it’s okay just...come hoooommmeee

OH SHIT NO NOT FUSED COME ON

LET HIM LIVE

I S2G

HE GOT A SPEAR OKAY HE’S GOT THIS HE’S THE BEST THEY HAD OH GOSH OKAY

COME ON, MOASH, YOU GOT THIS

“BRIDGE FOUR, BASTARDS” THAT’S MY BOY

IS HE GONNA BE OKAY

WHERE ARE THEY TAKING HIM

WHY ARE THEY TAKING HIM

STOP THEM FROM TAKING HIM

LET HIM COME HOME

I”M CRYING STOP PUT HIM BACK LET HIM COME HOME I MISS HIM

I legit thought he was going to kill Moash, I was ready to drive back to Utah, I WAS READY TO YELL AT PEOPLE OH GOSH

huh. art page: why are the sails on the bottom? Are these air ships? stick the sails into a highstorm, let it push you along on the winds? that...would be dangerous but REALLY COOL?

“Red, stop trying to make deevy a thing, it’s not gonna be a thing.”

it’s like groovy but worse sounding

so when is Ishnah, the espionage lesbian, going to call Shallan’s bluff?

Sorry, Veil’s bluff.

I feel like Shallan’s plotline in this book is just that Onion headline that’s like, “Area [wo]man thought breakdown would be more obvious”

I love Shallan being jealous and suspicious of Adolin’s flames, but Janala isn’t the one you gotta worry about. Danlan’s the one in the Ghostbloods. Ghostbloods? Diagram? shit, I’ve forgotten which evil organization she’s in... or if it even matters. She hasn’t shown up again, has she?

idk, Jasnah, Shallan was justified this time. Anyone making fun of Renarin definitely deserves the Sarcasm Bludgeon.

But Shallan, you weren’t invited on the boys road trip.

though, tbh, that could be fun...

BUT KALADIN JUST LEFT REVOLAR. MOASH JUST ARRIVED OR WAS DRAGGED WHATEVER BUT KALADIN JUST LEFT. THEY COULD HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER, KALADIN COULD HAVE HELPED HIM ESCAPE, HE COULD HAVE COME HOME.

ARRGGHH

“They had no reason to obey the lighteyes. They had no power, no authority.” That’s the problem with tradition. With having something so societially ingrained that you can never shake it, because you don’t think to try.

Moash no. don’t... don’t run yourself into the ground pulling wagons, please, darling, just... don’t die. Don’t give up. Stand your ground, find a way, come home

the letter in the epigraph: “Rayse is contained and we care not fot his prison.” yeah, uh...you gotta....you gotta do maintenance at the very least...to make sure he stays in prison? like...just...check the locks every once in a while? idk. this seems like it might be your fault if he escapes...

Sigzil being scientific and doing tests on them all is still so endearing. I love him.

Also poor Skar. let the man get his squire on, pls.

also, someone who can draw, please, please do an art of Rock doing the “Horneater victory dance” and skipping through a field of wildflowers and butterflies. Please. This is important art.

they still leave a hole in the conference circle for Moash, and hi this is my ghost I’m dead now bye

god, Kaladin would make them do squad formations in the air. Is there a goose-migration vee formation?

SKAR IS A GOOD. A GOOD TEACHER AND A GOOD GLOWING PERSON AAHH

Hey, guys, did you know I love Bridge Four?