#MAYBE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DANG DISHES

[alsojnpie]

dishes are forever

[barry-j-blupjeans]

No one ever told Lucretia how hard it would be to get employees for your supposed-to-be-secret organization. Even harder with the fact that she couldn't even step around it like the Fantasy FBI could. All her opening lines sounded incredibly suspicious. Was she supposed to just walk up to someone and say "so you ever wanna capture those war-starting magic objects that you have no memory of?" She might actually be reported to the Fantasy FBI and that would put a bit of a dent in her "saving the world and stopping the Hunger" plan.

Instead, she had just been just kind of… going up to anyone who sort of seemed like a good fit and tried to make it sound as less shitty as possible without giving them a headache made entirely of Voidfish static. And it was working! Not as well as she'd want it to, of course, but she would take what she would get.

Maureen, obviously, had been there at the start. Lucretia couldn't exactly have a giant moon base without someone with enough money to build the giant moon base. Technically, technically, she was paying Maureen for it and she felt moderately bad about fucking up the economy with her transmuted gold coins (you pick up a thing or two about counterfeit currency when you're on the run from the apocalypse and also living with Taako and Lup), but not bad enough to stop doing it. Besides, the dang thing wasn't even up in the sky yet. Maybe she'd confess after, but it was too important to let out right now.

Then, she had Lucas, unfortunately. The side effect of working with Maureen. But she had other notable employees as well. Killian was probably her strongest asset right now, purely from her role as a Regulator and not a Reclaimer. Her Seekers were few and far between- she couldn't really hire anyone with too high of an intelligence stat, lest her whole plan be discovered. The few Seekers she did have were… well, they were working on it. The Reclaimers themselves… yeesh. It was hard to fill the role without losing too many to the Light's thrall. She didn't want to have a goddamn death trap as a job.

But right now, Lucretia wasn't looking for a Reclaimer, a Seeker, or even a Regulator. Today, she was looking for a bard.

A pathetic bard, if she could. There was only so much nonsense Lucretia could feed Fisher without going moderately to severely insane. The goal right now was to just find someone. No one that would be missed down planetside when they finally got up into the air, no one whose fans would be eagerly awaiting a new release. Just a plain ol' regular bard.

This was the fifth seedy bar Lucretia had visited in the past week. This time, it was in a little town called Water Way, just off the sword coast. The wind was howling when she arrived and it snapped the door shut behind her when she entered.

It was even more grim and disgusting than usual. A group of dwarfs was gathered at a booth, laughing and hollering jokes at each other. There was a couple in the corner engaging in some hanky-panky (that was the technical word for it, Lucretia was pretty sure). The unoccupied booths were still dirty from the last patrons. The barkeep raised a hand to greet her, still clutching a dirty dish rag.

"Here for a drink?" he called.

"Not at the moment, I'm afraid," Lucretia said. "I'm here for the, uhm. The open mic?"

"Just missed it," the barkeep said, lowering his rag. "Though, we've got another in two weeks' time, if you've got somethin' you're looking to perform-"

"Oh, I'm not- I wasn't planning on performing," Lucretia said. "Just listening. But if no one showed up-"

The door snapped open again. Lucretia thought it was just the wind for a second, until she turned and saw a young-ish half-elf in the doorway. He was much too dressed up for the occasion, with a fancy shirt and a poofy hat with a feather in it. He was dripping as if he had fallen into a lake on the way over. In one hand was a violin case. In the other, damp sheet music.

He seemed to realize that everyone was staring at him and shuffled a few feet further inside.

"Uhh," he said. He cleared his throat. "Did I, uhm, did I miss it?"

"I said to be here at six, didn't I?" the barkeep said, sounding faintly annoyed. "Can you tell time, Johann?"

"Uh, yeah," he said. "I just, uhm, got… sidetracked."

"You look like you fell in the ocean," the barkeep said.

"You're not- you're not super far off-"

"It doesn't matter where you were," the barkeep said. "It's nine now, anyhow. No more open mic."

"It's not like we're missin' much!" one of the dwarfs' hollered. Johann winced, and the barkeeper ignored the comment completely.

"But I wrote a good one this time," Johann said, holding up the soggy sheet music. Lucretia could see him blush in the dim light. "I- I can do it without the sheet music. I have it memorized."

"Two weeks," the barkeep said like they had had this conversation several times before. "Be on time. You want a cuppa?"

Johann looked torn for a second, but ultimately sludged up to the bar. He deposited his violin case on the counter and his soggy sheet music fell on top of it with a splat.

"Actually," Lucretia said, "I would like a drink."

"Atta girl," the barkeep said. Lucretia grimaced but went to sit anyway. She took the stool next to Johann, who was slumped over the bar. "What'd'you want?"

"Cider," Johann said, with the emotion of a depressed seal.

"I'll take a cider, as well," Lucretia said. Johann glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. The barkeep nodded and set the rag over his shoulder, disappearing into the back room. The gaggle of dwarves chattered on across the room. Lucretia tapped her fingers against the bar. Eventually, she built up the confidence to say, "so you play the violin?"

"I'm not interested in a hookup, lady," Johann said.

"Oh, fuck no," Lucretia said. "Sorry- no. You're- gods, no."

"Uhm," Johann said. Okay, okay, okay, back on track Lucretia.

"I'm just- I'm trying to find a bard for an… organization I'm forming," Lucretia said, a little bit quieter. Secretive. Cool. Collected. Join my secret shitty moon organization, please? "I figured an open mic would be a good place to start, but I was a little too late, it seems. If you still wanted to perform, I wouldn't mind seeing what you can do."

"…you're choosing all the wrong words for convincing me this isn't a hookup," Johann said, squinting at her.

"It's not," Lucretia said shortly. "That- again, sorry, no thanks. Can I- how would you like to help save the world? Is that a better opener?"

"Cheesy, but a little better," Johann said. He sit up a little and his hat dripped water onto the bar. "Save the world how, though? I'm not gonna be joining some- some Fantasy Avengers shit, lady, I got stuff to do. You see these arms?" He held out his arm, which was dripping wet and skinny as a starved kitten. "I'm not exactly Iron Man over here, you can't expect me to be some kind of musical tank."

"Not at all," Lucretia said. She vaguely wondered if this is how Davenport felt, hiring her. No, that train of thought wasn't productive at all. She needed more gravitas. That would fix all her problems. "All I need you to do is write."

[carmenized-onions]

Chapter 11 cheffff

i’ll try to keep the quotes a bit shorter this time to not kill people’s feed

“Respect him, Chef.” - it’s so over

“He’s bein’ a fuckin’ creep.” - RICHIE I LOVE YOU SO

“N’ what the fuck are you?” - . . . this fully broke me. this is just so- poor richie omg🥺😭

“Cause I’ll fuckin’ tell you” - I beg you don’t. this has actually hurt me more than anything

I bet since she forgets the note it’s actually going to be something kinda nice (like him being hppy with the dish cause duh why wouldn’t he), well sweeps was bothered but maybe he didn’t read it. idk i’m holding out hope!! or it’s super important and now they’re fucked … either way we trot along!

there will also be some things i won’t comment on cause i’m sure people will react to them. i’m trying to not make you repeat too many things aye?

“You’re excused.” - oh this would have me swinging. well not really cause i’m a wuss but

“Say what you wanna say, Carmen.” - she’s so much stronger than me fr i would be crying

“you failed Mikey” - oh. yeah idk if they can come back from this tbh. it was nice while it lasted. we gave it a good run.

His middle name is Anthony. Tony. - okay this is actually hilarious tho. and the contrast to what else is happening disjjs. only you author, i swear

Gone. Devoid. - 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

i mean yeah he’s sorry but looking in his eyes and seeing that won’t make anything go away. like idk sometimes there’s a limit to how mean someone can be even if they don’t mean what they say yk?? like control your emotions a bit and that

“How could you fuckin’ say that shit to Chippy—” - richie i love you i love you i love you

“To Richie.” - she’s so- the nicest ever wow

yeah i figured the invoice thing when she said it was complicated. but dang that’s still-

DAMN THE DIDNT TELL HER WHICH BROTHER. you’re so smart

HOLY SHIT THE CREEP ASKED FOR HER NUMBER. GROSS GROSS GROSS. RICHIE PUNCH HIS FACE

At least get him a star, if he has to hate you. - i’ll cry

“I’d still love you, even if you weren’t helpful. By the by.” - this man is everything

“Man… You were here.” - they’re crying, i’m crying, we’re all crying

“You wanna see a Taylor Swift concert wit’ me?” - SHUT UP HE IS SO CUTE. i’d do anything with him (friend stuff)

He kisses the crown of your head. Richie must be a good dad. - most definitely. i love these two so much rah. my fave duo

“We can only hope.” - LMAO SJFJJD i needed that to help ease the angst

Never know when you’re going to need a fire. - ayo?? i’ve actually considered multiple times to carry one just in case someone needs it

Entirely forgot, about the wedding gig - ME TOO SHEHDJEJ oh my we’re not away from the drama yet i see

so you don’t get second hand smoke. - he’s so cute and this is everything to me because second hand smoke is like the worst thing i know and last week i was trapped between so many smokers and it was the worst

“You gotta get your star, Squid.” - so cute. squid getting her star(fish)

“Bitch—” “Heard.” - LMAO best call and response

“Heard, Chip.” “Heard, Ink.” - CUTEST

OH SHIT NOT THE ONE BLACK PLATE

“I know you said I’d be a perfect match for your little brother.” - OH SHITTTTTT. shut down the mikeychip allegations, as you should 😌😌 also mikey knewwww. really doing it all from beyond

Listen listen, I do the apologizing for both of us for destroying feeds YOU do it all you want, ALWAYS!!

IT'S SO OVERKDFG-- I don't remember exactly when I wrote 'Respect Him Chef' but I do remember going YEAAGGGHHH I COOKED I'M COOKIN WITH THIS ONEEE

I knew if we were gonna get into the Freezer Fight, I had to be brutal, what the fuck are you? was like, KEY hurtfulness. It immediately throws off what was a jovial vibe into something very cruel and painful--- Bah, Fuck you Carmen Bro

HEY BRIGHT SIDE-- BRIGHT SIDE HE LIKED THE DISH? SO. SO WE HAVE THAT. Sweeps wrote the note ALA the Ever's server method of passing Vibe check notes, which is why he needed that fucking smoke break. Having to play messenger for that skeeve,,,, yeuch.

no one says things the same way someone else says things !! you can always spam, love ya thoughts, always will. Anyways anyways, YOU'RE EXCUSEDBRRROOOOOO I'd get . violent.

Again, there was such a universe where Tony got violent. Like. Listen. She is a Chicago born and bred babe, she was an EMT, she's been a bartender-- Bro can prove she's a fuckin' problem alright? She can fucking swing. The 'Say what you wanna say' was very much like, the lead of line given before someone gets there shit rocked. Alas , she like,,, likes him or whatever,,,, so we couldn't,,,, sad

No one's ever commented on Carmen's Middle Name being Tony and I had to note it before someone else made fun of me for it. But I have also always loved ,,, fuck my Directing Prof is gonna be mad at me. It's somewhere in my notes, but essentially, there's this idea of Dramatic Contrast (not the actual term) but It's like, the ear scene in Reservoir Dogs, or that trumpet over the boxing match in I think,,, Raging Bull? Where basically, a very jaunty or pop like tune plays over something genuinely horrifying, basically.

I really enjoy that concept, in my own short films and writing, so Carmen going from saying like, the worst thing he's ever said, to like, oh I need to transfer outside my body-- You go funny immediately, and I think it makes everything both so much funnier and so much more painful? Just turns up the volume, on both sides. Or at least to me it does.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!! Bro will need to grovel. Bro will also need to get socked. Chippy why did you have to stop Rich c'mon man

Apologize to Richie really gets me, because it's 100% her being nice and having her boy's back, but it's also like.... She doesn't feel she deserves an apology-- And that. Man. I'm gonna. I'm gonna just take a 45 minute nap to process that fuck. At least get him a star, if he has to hate you. FUCK BRO. WHAT THE FUCK!!! I did that, who am I yelling at.

Rich and Chips whole convo was very cathartic to write-- It had been another scene that i'd imagined for a while and morphed bit by bit as i got a better and better idea of their history. And I think as more and more is uncovered in future chapters, coming back to reread this chapter will like,,, mean a lot more, in a lot of ways. I also enjoy the way it repeats that 'I was Here' from Richie in Zero Pulse. I just like,,, rah. They're so... They're just very good. And they're going to have to see Taylor Swift.

IT'S IMPORTANT TO KEEP A LIGHTER YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YA NEED A FIRE!!! And fuckin being with a crowd of smokers is awful. I am lucky all my friends that are on that fuckin NIC blow that shit far from me. They're very sweet.

EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT THE WEDDING GIG AND THIS MAKES ME GIGGLE SO MUCH, I'M ACTUALLY DELIGHTED BY THE IDEA THAT EVERYONE VERY LITERALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT IN TANDEM WITH TONY, I FIND THAT SO CUTE.

STARFISSHHHHH CMOONNNN

Fun fact: One Black Plate was the original original original chapter title, back when I started cooking it up in my brain, around chapter 3. But once I got to Other Shoe and realized the devious period thing I could do, I had to go with Just Dropped. HAD TO. But One Black Plate was really good. I'll miss her.

THE ALLEGATIONSD LMAOSJOFJ I do really respect the Mikey/Chip ship, because reasonably, I could see them working. And listen. Maybe they did. WHOS TO SAY. Mikey's ghost is to say. BUT WHOS TO SAYYY

Anyways, for this lovely wonderful wrap sheet from you, and whoever braved the storm of reading this, let's see if i can find anythin worth showing you from the draft that isnt getting cut, that also isn't too spoilery

THIS IS A FUN ONE HEHEHE

[thatchickwithtoomanyhobbies]

Lonely Pt.1 (Aiello)

***Aiello gets dumped by the third girlfriend in a row because apparently he’s “too clingy and needy.” Whatever that means. He just wants to be loved back the way he loves for once. His one-man pity party evolves into him crying about his life in general. Note: it’s implied that Aiello is slowly falling into alcoholism and pushing everyone away so maybe don’t read this if that’ll be upsetting.***

“Frank, I can’t do this anymore.” Annie said, her arms crossed and rocking on her feet. “It’s over. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Annie, please,” he said, his voice cracking. It was happening again. This was third time in a row a girl broke up with him. “Baby, please don’t do this.”

“No, Frank. I have to. I’ve though about it, and this is what’s best for both of us. I can’t be with you anymore.”

“At least tell me why you’re breaking up with me,” He replied, tears threatening to spill over. He had a feeling it was the same reason Becca and Ellen had given for dumping him.

“You’re just too clingy, Frank. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. You’re always calling my house wanting me to hang out with you, always wanting to go places with me. It’s too much! I can’t take it anymore!” She said, practically screaming at him.

Yep that was the one. A tear finally went over and he did his best to wipe it away before she saw.

“Alright, we’re done then.” He said, his voice shaking on every word. Getting dumped by someone you really cared about never got easier no matter how many times it happened. “Goodbye, Annie.”

Annie gave no answer and simply walked away.

“Dang!” He muttered to himself, biting his lip so he wouldn’t cry and sitting down hard on the park bench near him. Why did this keep happening to him? He couldn’t help the fact that he was a bit needy, and by default clingy. He had lost so many people he cared about in the war and wished he had gotten more time with some of them. He was just trying to make every moment count with someone he cared about. What was so hard to understand about that?

“Nope. Nope. You’re not gonna cry this time. You’re not gonna cry.” He said to himself, putting his face in his hands. “No crying over girls today.” Too late, the tears were already starting to spill over.

He swallowed down the tears and wiped his eyes. He was not going to cry in public like he did the last time. Instead he was going to go home and drown his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey. Pulling himself up off the park bench, he began walking the four blocks back to his apartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard figuring which key was the one to the front door while your vision was clouded by tears. He had tried every key twice and he still couldn’t get inside. Had he dropped it somewhere? He didn’t think so. Even if he had, there was no way he was going back out there to look for it.

The tears were starting to fall without his permission. He needed to get that door open before he started bawling in the hallway for all the world to witness. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and fiddled with his keys one more time. Finally he managed to get the stupid door open.

Closing the door behind him, his kicked his shoes off and into the corner and tossed his coat on top of them. Being neat was the last thing on his mind right now. Walking to the kitchen, he tripped over his cat, Missy, who was meowing to be fed.

“There ya go, old gal,” he told her as he dumped some kibble into her dish. He paused to scratch her head. That cat was so dumb. Didn’t she see how much of a sissy he was? Yet she loved him anyway. Or at least cared about him enough to stick around.

He opened up the pantry and scanned the shelves for the bottle of whiskey he was beginning to keep on hand for this sort of thing. His eyes locked onto it and he sighed in relief. He wasn’t feeling up to going to go out and getting one. He was beginning to become somewhat dependent on the drink as of late.

“Great, not only am I unlovable, but I’m becoming my father,” he thought to himself as he popped the top off and took a long swig. Oh well, that was a problem for another day. Right now, he just wanted to drown his emotions in the alcohol. He sat down on the couch and placed the bottle on the table.

What was so wrong with him that nobody could seem to fall in love with him the way he did with them? The tears were falling again. This time he let them. Why didn’t anyone seem to want him? His father, Pierson, women in general, they all hated his guts it seemed. He took another swig from the bottle. He didn’t choke on it as much as he used to.

Nobody understood what it was like. He had lost so many people that he wished he’d gotten to spend more time with. So when he tries to do that with the woman he was falling for, that makes him clingy and needy. He didn’t get it. How does wanting to spend time with someone equate to neediness and being clingy?

The tears would stop falling. They never seemed to lately. And what woman would ever want a man that cried more than she did? He was supposed to protect her, be the strong one, and yet here he was crying into a bottle of whiskey.

He just wanted to be loved. Was that too much to ask for? He just wanted someone to dote on, take to the beach, cuddle up next to a warm fire with, maybe even have a family of his own. He wasn’t sure he wanted kids, but who’s to say he wouldn’t if he found the right gal to do it with?

He was so lonely. His sisters were all either married or engaged. His friends were either dead or spread out across the country. He’d call Stiles but last he heard he’d gotten engaged to some girl he’d met in a bookstore. It figured that the guy who’s so stupidly awkward would get hitched before he did, and boy was he jealous. Why did Stiles-the guy who never knew how to shut up about random stuff-find love, while he was here getting dumped for the third time and crying into a bottle of whiskey.

Daniels was busier than ever- running the family farm and raising his son. Not that he’d want to talk to him anyway. Daniels had always been able to tell that he was jealous of his promotion and probably hated him for that.

There was always Zussman. But Zuss probably hated him for all the remarks he made towards him for being Jewish.

“See Frank, all you do is drive everyone away,” he thought, finishing off the bottle of alcohol. “You have no one to blame but yourself.”

He was coming to accept the fact that he’d be alone forever. He was unloveable apparently. Nothing could change that. He laid down on the couch and tried to fall into the alcohol-induced slumber he was becoming so familiar with.

Suddenly the phone rang in the kitchen. He didn’t feel like answering it. He decided to just let it ring. It couldn’t be anyone important anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on Aiello, pick up the darn phone!” Stiles said into the still-ringing machine. He’d never taken this long to answer his calls before. He was going to be in New York that weekend for a photography event and wanted to hang out. Plus, he’d heard from Zuss a couple months ago that he was having problems with his love life, a thing he knew about all too well.

The phone went silent, the call never having been picked up. He had a colleague traveling with him that he wanted to introduce him to. He’d showed her a picture of him from their time in the military and she’d thought he was adorable.

Oh well, maybe he’d finally gotten a girlfriend and was out with her. After all, he couldn’t pick up the phone while he was out on a date.

***I know I deviated from the canon stubborn, unemotional rock that is Aiello with this one. But when you really look at him you can tell he’s got so many layers that they didn’t explore in the game. My thoughts? Underneath all that rough exterior (probably built up since childhood and exacerbated in war) he’s a nothing but a giant teddy bear.***

[ragdaughter]

afternoon babbles! this post will be all over the place and mostly talk about my day so far

so this morning i refilled the bird feeder (by request of my landlord) so now all the birds have something to eat! 🐦 i was a little reluctant because she was the one who asked (maybe that goes to show how bratty i am) but it feels good seeing the hungry birds come by for a meal in the middle of winter. i feel like snow white~ kind of. i'm just wearing cute panties and a plush robe unlike snow white

rn i'm enjoying leftover soup that a wonderful, amazing daddy was sweet enough to order for my dinner last night 💞 it's so spicy and making my nose all runny 🤧 but warm and nutritious which is exactly what i craved/needed for my tummy

after i do all my dishes, i plan on bleaching my roots later today so that tomorrow i look ultra cute going back to school

i doooo have a few stationary items and a backpack that i rly would like to have for school on my wishlist if anybody is interested in helping me prepare (edit: still need this btw) 🥺

i'm happy i took as many cute pics as i did this morning

i even uploaded my first video on here. it's a shame tumblr is so strict otherwise i would've posted something naughtier for you guys. hmmmmmmm.... i do have a bad dragon that i could drool on instead........ dang that's a good idea write that down write that down!

living here is pure hell but i'm doing my best to make it work and romanticize it when i can 😩 it's the little things that keep me going... things like warm meals and being able to take care of myself when everybody leaves for work. when it's just me at home and passive aggressive texts can be blocked out 💖

playing with horny daddies as a treat tonight sounds like it'll be well earned. not sure when i'll get around to it but i need to soon 🥵 i'm in the mood to be a mindless little fcktoy... it's too much to think today

[waterfall-ambience]

If you’re still doing the OC ask game, can you do 2 for Avery, 6 for Luna, and 16 for Riza?

2. What are your OC’s food preferences (flavors/textures/spiciness/calories/ when and how they eat) and how did they get that way?

Avery is a really easy person to feed because he’s not picky at all. Having grown up on Perpetua, he’s been exposed to and found an appreciation for a lot of different cultural dishes thanks to how the members come from all sorts of backgrounds. That, combined with being raised with Minerva's ‘everything in moderation’ + ‘try anything at least once’ approach to food, it's hard to find stuff he absolutely will not eat.

Flavour generally matters more to him than texture, and he doesn’t think too much about calories unless something looks/sounds insanely calorically dense.

That being said, if asked to pick from a menu, his choices would be a little boring. He might take the spicy option (now that he has a ‘resistance’ to a capsaicin, he WILL reap the benefits because it’s more fun that way).

But he’s also equally likely to pick the ‘default’ or ‘classic’ option because he’s not picky to the point where he doesn’t have strong preferences for almost anything (unless, say, he’s going for some kind of ‘vibe’). He’s also liable to order things with the expectation that someone else might want to sample from him.

6. What would STOP your OC from Doing the Right Thing in a tense situation?

The boring answer is ‘nerves’ or ‘he suffers from analysis paralysis when trying to figure out the best outcome’.

In an ideal world, Captain Luna is a perfect moral paragon and nothing would stop him from doing the Right Thing except the gods themselves. He always strives to do the Right Thing, and sometimes he can’t for whatever reason, be it nerves, or stretching himself too thin when trying to figure out the best outcome. Maybe the cost is too high, or he has to focus on the big picture rather than personal impact, the needs of the many vs those of the few. Even if the Right Thing is not achieved, what matters is that he tried and that he retains his personal innocence.

But of course, the world is not ideal, because the man is more than capable of holding a grudge. Even if the grudge is justified (see: that with the Wither King), he’s not immune to the catharsis of watching a bastard go down in cruel and sometimes unusual ways. He tries to hold off on it, because he recognises that a hard punishment that doesn’t really do anything to address the issue is just an excuse to torture someone, but dang, does it feel good, especially if he already hates them.

It's unlikely that anyone would ever find themself in this situation, considering that Luna finds forgiveness to be more beneficial for all parties involved, but god help you if you manage to seriously cross him.

16. How strong or weak is your OC’s Impulse control? What’s the worst thing that happened because of their Impulsivity or inability to be so?

Riza's impulse control isn’t great, and she’s prone to doing things on a whim if she has the energy. Usually it’s mundane, little things, like deciding stay up late to watch a slasher film, painting her nails a different colour, cropping her shirts, scaring people with her invisibility powers, nabbing stuff from stores because she thinks it’s funny (technically shoplifting, but ‘everything on Perpetua is an art piece so it doesn’t really matter’). Y’know, little things.

Though despite all of this, she doesn’t come across as particularly impulsive (not like Icarus or how some other members more obviously are) because she generally tends towards laziness. She doesn’t usually go around pocketing random things, but it’s less due to an absence of an urge to do so, rather than thinking about it and subsequently deciding not to.

Riza's impulsivity hasn't really gotten her into major trouble yet (maybe just Alice being disappointed in her + making her work more), but that just might be because Alice doesn't let her in any important control rooms with levers and big red buttons.

[kalolasfantasyworld]

Finally Chapter 3 baby...

I say this with love but I do think the most unrealistic part of the chapter was Julius not getting distracted by the opportunity to ask Helena about her magic or to see a demonstration! KASjhfaiusrt! I just think Julius being a magic nerd is cute. Who knows, maybe you'd already got it written in the future that he'll poke his nose in later on to get a peek of Helena's healing magic in action?

Ah... Helena is so cautious and thorough with her plans. She wants to be on the same level as those around her. That way her every move isn't praised just because she'd royalty. And keeping her foreigner status (specifically being from Diamond) hush hush means that no one will immediately show her distrust. Because it'd be hard to learn and grow in an environment where you're not exactly welcome (cough, Noelle parallel, cough cough cough). My my, I wonder what that was about.

‘Hopefully the meals will get much more cheerful once I have people to share them with.’

Oh boy sweetheart, do you have something else coming for you...

The chef's signature dish is roast duck? (looks at Nozel) You wouldn't happen to know what that is, would you?/j

Okay so the paper mask thing... Helena is literally/physically hiding who she is. Then we have Nozel who has an emotional mask of an aloof, has it all together captain. When deep down he is a grieving son and a struggling brother. Dang girl, the parallels and contrasts are still so real!

Oh so that's why she wanted to know where the servant quarters were! An escape route in case the Silvas drive her mad later on!/j Gosh, now I worry that if Helena pulls this multiple times, it might start something. Like "I keep seeing this new lady walking in the servant quarters sometimes but I don't remember her being hired or seeing her work. Actually, I can't be sure if I've seen her face." The maids and butlers are suddenly freaking out about a ghost being in their wing of the castle and Helena is going to be like "oh I didn't see this as a possible outcome!" KJAHSfiuahsirya! I kid I kid! But hey, if the Bulls can think their base is haunted, House Silva deserves a ghost too./lh

Those butlers she passed. I think they do have a little bit of a point. Clover's society is so messed up that of course the lower class people will caste doubt on a "nice" noble. Also, I have to wonder how Diamond's hierarchy is. Like, we know Morris had influence over the king before Mars swooped in... And we know that they're corrupt enough to train kids who look to be 11-12 at most and then experiment on them... Is the ruling family taking kids (likely orphans) from lower classes to be used? Hooo... Maybe I'm thinking too much for still being so early...

ENTER BLACK BULLS! I cannot believe the Black Bulls got to Helena before Nozel. JDhfaiusrht!

so maybe friendship would be hereditary in their case

(laughs in "knows the canon counterparts and knows that Lola won't be so easy on Helena")

Well, chapter four and Silva family, here I come!

Hah don’t worry I have already written a scene in a future chapter (not posted yet) where Julius is very much Julius and fangirls about her magic. So this won’t be omitted. Paper Magic is too… hmm broken, for him to not get interested. 

She is very cautious and she has her reasons to be. I love how you’re catching Noelle parallels, because there will be quite a few. So be on a lookout. 

Helena is very hopeful ^^ and that signature dish, Nozel fans obviously get it. (The assorted questions brigade is my guidebook, so there will be quite a few easter eggs like this)

I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE SEEING THE PARALLELS, there will be so many more. Helena was created to explore the Silvas. She’s the main character but it’s a story about their family. So yes masks are symbolic, but also very much needed for the plot to work.

In these first few chapters I wanted to show a bit of her approach to the servants. Although when I’m coming back to it, it feels a bit off and I would have written it so much better now. Yes they do have a point and also remember that Helena is half Clover so her mother has Cloverian views on hierarchy. However since people with more mana are more powerful and in all the other of the suit kingdoms hierarchy seems to be based on that, I assumed it’s like this in Diamond as well. As for the other Diamond related topics, they will be answered much later. 

Hah she met Finral and Vanessa earlier. It was a long buildup to finally meet the main characters aka Nozel, Nebra and Solid.

Yeah… you know it just won’t be easy. 

Thank you so much for reading <3 The story will slowly pick up the pace from now on. 

[ineffablefool]

This is so rambly, I'm sorry, but I saw the Ball Python Owner Signal in the sky and went feral. Note, I am not claiming any of the below is objective fact, other than I suppose Thermostats Are Necessary and Heat Bulbs Are Not For Touching.

Anyway.

CHE is generally more efficient than visible light bulb (energy turned into light is energy not being turned into heat), and will last longer. My personal preference, though, is undertank heater(s) controlled by a good thermostat *and* a supplemental overhead heating source.

Beeps spend a lot of time on the ground, and do not commonly climb on top of things to bask. I mean, they can and do climb all over whatever you'll give them, and some of them may occasionally display what appears to be basking behavior. The most important thing is that, when they're hunkered down in their hide, they are getting somewhere between high 70s (cold side) to high 80s or even low 90s (hot side). Overhead heat is wonderful and important to keep the ambient temperature up to about the same as the cold side, but they usually don't heat inside the hide as well without making the outside of the hide too dang hot. (My phone autocorrected "dang" to "dangerous" at first, and, I mean, yes, but also no thank you phone.)

Oh and the heat bulb/CHE absolutely must not be anywhere where the snake can directly touch it. If it's inside the enclosure, it needs to be in a wire cage or something. Otherwise it needs to be hung from above. If there is a surface it's possible for your snake to touch, it needs to never get hot enough to burn. For stuff up on the ceiling I personally allow temperatures of "I, a baby, can press my entire palm to it and handle 15-20 seconds of discomfort before I need to pull away". That does mean my light fixtures hang from overhead at a distance of a few inches above the lid -- if I put the fixture right on the metal mesh lid of the enclosure, the underside of that mesh gets hot enough to burn me, so it's a No for snakeys.

Oh gods I have so many opinions about snake heating.

Assuming a glass tank with a lid, I recommend sticky-pad undertank heating by Zilla or Eco Terra or whatever, hooked up to a HerpStat if you can afford it (they are amazing and will keep temperatures very even; don't bother paying extra for the wifi version) or something like this (the one I bought in 2016 had a temperature swing of like 4 degrees, but new ones might be better). Suspend a CHE from one of these (I use double-bulb lamp fixtures, so I have an ordinary visible light bulb that runs on a day/night timer plus an always-on heat emitter, but that's just me).

Assuming glass tank with metal mesh lid, humidity will be not the absolute worst problem with coconut fibers a la Eco Earth, but covering over the top of the tank will save you a lot of grief. There are tutorials for different ways to do that, or you can be lazy like me and buy a sheet of clear vinyl from JoAnn Fabrics and tape it down around the outside top of the tank so it completely seals in freshness. And if you do that then aspen shavings (never pine) are also a good choice. You want vaguely around 60%, higher during sheds, and I do not recommend one of those analogue dial hygrometers; digital ones are generally much more accurate.

I am not sure if Animal Plastics is still well-regarded for PVC enclosures, but the one I bought back in uh 2015? 16? is a thing of well-made beauty. Totally different heating setup, though -- they will advise you on and then sell you the appropriate fixtures, based on your use case, so it's fewer decisions on your part.

Oh, do you have two hides and some other stuff for them to slither under/over/behind? And a bottom-heavy water dish that you can clean frequently (I like these) and that they could maybe soak in if they wanted? You need those too. You can do, like, clean cardboard packaging material for short-term enrichment jungle gym things as long as you remove all staples, tape, glue, etc. Hides could be basically anything that's the right size ("I'm not sure that's quite big enough?" is usually perfect), as long as it's opaque, nontoxic, waterproof, and has no sharp edges. I just use the boring black plastic rectangles.

,,,I am making myself stop now, but my messages/asks are open XD

Good luck with new noodle!!

Hey a neighbor just dumped a ball python on me because she didn't think they actually ate mice

So I'm trying to take care of it but it's been a long while since I had a snake and I'm not afraid to ask for help

Do you have any recommendations for substrate and in tank heating?

We currently have what the baby came with , some damp coconut husk and a single low heat bulb lamp.

We're going to update the tank tomorrow or the day after based on how much we have to travel and outfit it but substrate can change a lot based on brand

Sorry for rambling

Oh, oof. I'm so sorry that your neighbor was irresponsible and really glad that that poor snake is in a better situation already. Thank you for taking them in and giving them a chance.

I'm not a ball python expert by any means, so please take what I say with a grain of salt and double-check before you commit to anything.

When I worked in the pet industry (one million years ago!) cypress mulch was the preferred substrate and it can be mixed with coco coir. Coco husk chip on its own is also supposed to be pretty good for higher-humidity species and it's very sustainable.

For heat, I'm a big fan of under-tank heating, but a radiant heat panel or a ceramic heat emitter might be better depending on the enclosure. Light bulbs are an inefficient heat source for snakes and overnight red lights are both inefficient and affect circadian rhythms so I didn't recommend them for reptiles at all.

Just make sure whatever heat source you choose, there's a thermostat to keep it in check.

I hope the snake thrives in your care and that the two of you are fast friends!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: We’re starting Sam’s installment but this weekend I’ll probably only be catching up on my headcanons and drabbles because I’ve been a lazy bitch and I’m sorry to those who have been waiting.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 1: I've got a job, I explore

💀💀💀

The sleepy town of Birch was awake. 

In those last weeks, the arrival of outsiders had roused the attention of many once passive residents of the timeless territory. Those brick buildings unchanged by the tick of the clock inlaid into the old tower above the library that chimed every hour on the hour. They still stood with only chips in the mortar but the air tasted different. The frost was more bitter and the sky more grim. An omen of something no one could predict.

It was the perfect setting for a screenplay. The isolated town with its unsavoury secrets and the visitors who threatened to bring them to the surface. It was inspiring to you, to imagine what was hidden behind the stern wrinkled faces of the town elders and under the jackets of those men who wore the cut of the local club. The bikers ruled the town covertly but everyone knew that Bucky Barnes’ palm was lined with the map of Birch.

As a bystander, an unnoticed observer, just another ant in the hill, you watched from the side and amused yourself with the drama of others. It was like a soap opera or another HBO hype machine. Those things you aspired to when you could be free of this ho-hum town.

The snows added to the natural gloom of the place. The deep heaps smothered the noise and harkened back to those days of colonial settlement. Forgotten, desolate, fearful. 

You ventured down in your heavy boots that stretched to your knees and pushed your chin down into your scarf. As a child, you ran and jumped in those piles, now you were out of breath just trying to walk past them.

You stopped in the bakery that doubled as the only café, a place where the owner, Babs, tried to to intimidate the last caffeinated trends. She was always a few seasons behind but you didn’t mind so much. 

You ordered the salted caramel mocha and waited patiently as the quiet woman fought with the steaming machines. She was older than you but you’d work with her for one summer during high school, only five years ago. She had the eyes of a child still, but there was something worn in her. As if she’d been exposed to far too much in her three or so decades in that place. She was a harbinger of what you didn’t want to become.

You thanked her for your drink and set out once more into the billowing winds. Birch winters were never kind but this one was crueler than most. Your teeth chattered as you blew the steam away from the lid and hugged it with your mittened hands.

You stopped short as you heard the familiar ding of the diner door across the street. You recognised the mechanic who kept to herself and once growled at you in the grocery store. She stormed across the street, followed closely and quickly by a black-haired man you’d only seen once before. He was one of those outsiders who came to deal with the club men.

You sped up as you sensed chaos brewing and pulled out your phone as you balanced your paper cup in your other hand. You flicked your camera on just as you got to the front of the shop and the man grabbed the mechanic. You let out an ‘oop’ as she turned on him and you aimed the lens at the couple as they fell into the snow, the man’s shoes giving little traction to his steps. 

You moved closer, stunned by the scene, and kept your cell phone rolling as you found a better angle around the snowy walks. As she choked him on the ground he elbowed her and she coughed as she rolled away. She snarled as he clamoured to his feet, slipping and sliding as he marched away.

You killed the recording and watched the man cross the street again, nearly wiping out as he did and when you looked back to the mechanic, she was gone behind the clattering door. You chuckled to yourself and tucked away your cell. It was prime footage for TikTok; with a bit of editing, it would be comedy gold.

💀

You stomped up the steps of your grandmother’s house, this time through the front door as you heard her chair rocking in the front room. You usually took the stairs in the back as you paid her to live on the upper floor of the duplex. You checked in with her daily, she didn’t get out much more than the occasional trip to the grocery store when you couldn’t or you dragged her out to join you for a tea at Babs’.

“You’re late,” she grumbled as you set your cup down and unzipped your coat.

“For what?” you scoffed.

“It’s after noon and you don’t even come down to say hello? A ‘good morning, nan’,” she harrumphed.

You chuckled and hung your coat before shoving your boots over on the mat. You grabbed your mocha and leaned on the doorway as you watched her crocheting in her chair, reruns of some court show playing from the boxy television.

“I was working,” you said, “sent in some stuff for review. Hopefully not much work to be done.”

“I don’t know how you make money on that interweb,” she bemoaned, “I don’t trust it.”

“Maybe you’d trust it more if you used the Netflix subscription I got you,” you crossed your arms, “then you wouldn’t have to watch trash daytime TV.”

She shrugged and muttered under her breath. She could be crotchety but you liked her sense of humour. Your aunts and uncles never came around because they just took it as spite. You were the only one who knew how to handle the jaded old lady.

“Maybe you coulda looked out the window,” you snickered, “quite a show going on in town.”

“Hmm, what’s that?” she stilled her needles and reached for her tea stained cup.

“Just a fight. You wouldn’t believe it, that lady mechanic beat the shit--”

“Language,” she huffed.

“Anyway, she had this guy in a chokehold. It was awesome.”

“What guy?” she squinted at you over her glasses.

“I dunno. Some out of towner. Remember I told you about that burly dude hanging around the library?”

“There’s more?” she sucked on her teeth, “those bikers have never been good news and now they’re bringing in more.”

“Yeah, well, what’re you gonna do?” you sniffed as you took out your phone and rewatched the scuffle with the volume down. You shook your head and opened up your TikTok. 

“I don’t understand why you’re always on your dang phone,” your grandmother pestered.

“I’m not always on my phone,” you smiled at her smugly, “there are those time when I’m listening to you prattle on or you know, making you tea, oh, and cooking you dinner. What was it I did last week? Oh that’s right, I got Pippin out of the crawlspace.”

“I’m too old to be chasin’ that cat all around,” she huffed, “where is he anyway?”

“He’s your cat, I don’t know? Last time I saw him, I sent him back out the window for shredding my charger.”

“He knows you need to give it a rest,” she laughed to herself, “got your nose to that screen too much.”

“And what do you do, old lady? Crocheting doilies to put where exactly?”

She gave you that dry smile, the one that said watch it but carried a hint of humour still. You hit post and put your phone away as you waved off her irritation.

“Well, you know what, I sit all day at my computer, doing who knows what and you know what it got me?” you taunted, “a large mocha!” you sipped as you sat on the sofa and grabbed the remote, “and it’s paying my rent and putting bullet points on my resume.”

“Mhmm,” she scowled, “just remember, real life ain’t online. Those videos you’re always laughing at like hyena, that’s not reality. You forget it and it’ll come back and bit you. ‘Specially with those bikers.”

“Oh, nan, you know too well, don’t you? Didn’t you have a fling with one back in your hippie phase?”

“Two, actually,” she raised her brows, “I was young and stupid. Not like you, but still.”

“I love you too,” you chirped and sipped from your cup, flicking the station to Jerry Springer, “that’s more like it.”

💀

Your usual TikToks were sarcastic and dull complaints about your small town life. The response was less than pleasing but it gave you an outlet to vent. You liked to goof around and document the very specific type of weirdos that resided in Birch. But the video of the fight in the snow blew up your phone and made it difficult to ignore the buzzing as you went back up to your room to eke out the last of your captions for the ad agency.

When at last you could call your day hard-earned, you logged off and sent in your hours to the agency. Social media promotion was easy enough but the working gigs for a thousand different companies was tedious. You hoped you could build your portfolio enough to manage a single corporate page as you continued to chip away at your creative outlets.

You picked up your phone as you waited for Netflix to load on your tiny smart tv and flopped onto your bed, not two feet from your desk. You hit the icon in the upper panel of your phone and scrolled through the notifications, pausing to turn on another episode of the cable sitcom from ten years before. You snorted as you read each comment but the number under the video made your eyes round. The thing was bound to go viral.

As usual, you went down to help with supper. Pippin, the orange tabby, returned to cry at his dish and you fed him too. Your nan peered through her glasses at a crossword as she tasted the tangy pasta sauce. 

“More basil,” she snipped.

“Well, I asked if you wanted to help,” you muttered, “I think it’s good.”

“Hmmp, I need milk,” she jutted her chin out, “for my after-dinner tea.”

“You couldn’t say something like three hours ago?” you blinked.

“I could have but I didn’t,” she snickered. You rolled your eyes and she took another forkful of penne and filled in another line on her puzzle, “ah, no hurry, girlie, you know I’m patient.”

“Patient? You?” you chuckled as you took your plate and shoved it in the microwave to keep it warm. The ancient thing had a dial and the door stuck, “I’ll just go get it over with.”

“Don’t forget your mitts,” she called after you as you tramped into the front room, “it’s cold.”

You pulled on your knitted cap and matching mitts. You zipped up your parka and shoved your feet into the deep boots. You grabbed your wallet and buried it in the spacious pocket. You bounced out the front door and down the steps as the sky sent down another coat of powder for the night.

You went up White Forge Street and through the short path behind the diner that led to the main road. You glanced over at The Asp, the beacon of the dull town, and turned towards the grocer. Like anywhere in Birch, the store was outdated and stuffy. It felt like stepping into another time with the paper bags and chunky tills.

You went down the center aisle and stopped at the fridge to search through the frosted glass. Your nan only drank whole milk and the last time you carelessly grabbed skim, she whined that even Pippin wouldn’t drink it. She was particular but that was just her nature. You couldn’t say you were any less fussy in some instances.

You grabbed a jug and the door slapped closed against the worn rubber seal. You headed up the candy aisle and brushed your woolly thumb over your chin as you considered gummy bears or Reeses’ Pieces.

“Hard choice?” The deep voice jolted you.

You snatched the box of chocolate and looked over at the man in leather, his chin tucked down behind the collar as snow dusted his shoulders.

“Sure,” you said as you brushed past him.

The cut of the leather told you he was better not entertained. While you thought the men amusing, you weren’t stupid enough to engage with them. You rarely listened to your grandmother but she was wise in her own way. 

You knew a girl in highschool, she was fucking around with one of the club men in her junior year, she ended up with a baby and no support. You didn’t think he was into you that way but he could hardly have innocent intentions.

“How’s the old lady?” Clayton asked as he rung in your order at the end of the belt, you moved along with the groceries and pulled out your wallet.

“The usual, you know? She’s tryna quit again. Don’t know how long it’ll last.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll keep a carton aside for her,” he kidded as you felt your phone vibing in your back pocket.

“Don’t encourage her,” you swiped your card and punched in your pin, “although I don’t know what’s worse; the smoke or her sucking on those mints all the time.”

“Oh, it’s not the bitchin’?” he laughed.

“That, too,” you scooped up the paper bag and put your wallet away, “have a good one.”

As you came to the end of the first counter, you were nearly cut off by the club member as he swept around from till two. His own purchase of a car magazine and jerky was tucked under his arm.

“Ah, sorry,” he smiled, a sparkling smile, almost charming.

“No worries,” you continued on and he followed close behind.

“Those mitts look real warm. ‘Specially in this weather,” he said as you pushed open the door.

“Uh huh,” you kept on as your boots crunched out into the snow.

“You know where I can get a pair. Leather isn’t exactly thermal, you know?”

“These? My nan made ‘em. I’m sure Clayton got some hung up back there,” you looked across the street as you stepped up onto the ledge of snow between the sidewalk and the road.

“Am I bothering you?” he asked.

You looked at him dumbly and almost laughed in his face. You glanced back across the street then down towards The Asp.

“Sorta,” you answered.

“Make you a deal. Leave ya alone for your name.”

You eyed him. He was older than you like many of the Commandos. At least a decade, likely more than that. You chewed on your hesitation and cradled the bag more firmly against your side. His eyes strayed as he tried to see through the thick layer of your coat.

“Nah, I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers,” you said and hopped off onto the road.

You heard him behind you as he struggled to follow and as you came up to the other side, he came parallel with you and kept stride with you easily.

“I know you’re young but you’re not a kid,” he intoned, “what’s the harm in a name?”

“It’s a small town,” you stopped short of the end of White Forge, “I think I know enough about you to avoid you.”

“Oh ho, is that it? Well, I’m Sam, I’m not a stranger now, am I?”

“Not interested, Sam. Sure there’s women your own age over at the bar,” you nodded behind him.

“You wanna come see? Maybe have a drink?” he gave a crooked grin.

“You don’t give up, do you?” you shook your head, put off by his forwardness.

“Well?”

“Not tonight, Sam,” you turned around and headed down White Forge.

“Then what night?” he asked but you didn’t answer and he didn’t follow.

You turned down onto your street and refused to look back in case. It would be best not to mention the run-in to your nan, she was paranoid enough as it was. Besides, you’d forget about it by the end of next week.

[witch-hazels-musings]

Heyyy :) I was wondering if I could request a Diluc x gn reader where Diluc sees readers OLD self harm scars while they are like doing the dishes or sumn. Totally no pressure or anything, and I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable

Moving Forward

Warning -> mentions of past self-harm (potential trigger warning!), hurt, anxiety  (potential trigger warning)*

Includes: Diluc

Character x GN reader  |  Anthology

a-n: ^ anon, you should be very proud of yourself for overcoming your self-harm. No one but you can understand what it took for you to get to where you are. I don’t know what went on or what’s happening with you now, I just hope that you are happy and doing things that keep you safe!If you read this, and you need a reminder -> please know that there are so many ways to deal with the pain - some can be helpful, and some (while seeming helpful) can be harmful. I’m not qualified to tell you what to do, all I can tell you is that you have more capabilities to overcome something than you know - be proud of your growth and keep fighting every day 💗💗

Diluc always wondered why you wore clothes that covered your arms, and, even on hot days, you wore things that would completely cover you. He also was prone to wearing long clothes, so he didn’t pay too much attention to it, really - maybe you were cold?

The first time he caught a glimpse of your arms was when you were helping clear out the weeds around the vineyard. You had pulled your sleeve up your arm and wiped the sweat from your forehead 

He’d seen scars on people - especially those in the adventurers guild or the knight's order, but yours seems to be strange. They were uniform and only on one side of your arm instead of places where a normal blade might cut 

The second time he saw them you were helping out the owners of the Floral Whisper. They were trying to set up their displays for the day and had grabbed you as you walked by. Again, he noticed the scars, but this time on your other arm - their same strangely uniform placement 

The third time - he asked you about them 

“Hey, I’ve almost got all of this put-away, can you let them know they should be ready in a few minutes.” You lifted the final crate of wine bottles onto the cart and slid them against the others. There was a satisfying sound as they slipped into place. 

The warm sun had started to heat up your shirt and you wanted to cool off. You made your way to the back of the winery and pumped the water from the reservoir. The cold water felt good on your hands. Slowly, you rolled up your sleeves before you cupped the water in your palms and threw it over your face. It was so refreshing, especially after all the work you got done that morning. 

“Dang it.” You expressed, your eyes closed and filled with water. You had forgotten to grab a towel, and even though you could brush the water from your face, you wished there was a way to dry off. 

“Here.” You hear a voice next to you and feel fabric rub against your face. 

“Ah, thanks!” You take the towel in your hands and dab the water off your skin, your neck, and your arms. “Oh, I thought that was you, Diluc.” 

“I saw you head this way.” 

“Yeah, I needed to cool off. Thanks for this.” You gesture with the towel before draping it over the spigot. You were about to head back to make sure everything was in order when he grabbed onto your wrist. “Uh?” 

“I’ve noticed these several times now, and I am curious as to how you got them.” He held your wrist up to the sunlight, and your stomach drops. 

Desperately, you try to come up with an excuse. “Oh … uh, these are from fighting slimes by the river.” 

“You know I can’t believe that.” He doesn’t let go of your wrist. 

You wish he would just leave it alone. You pry his fingers from you and quickly pull down your sleeves. “Just don’t worry about it. It’s not that big of a deal.” 

“Then why are you lying to me?” His eyes bore into you, they are heavy and you wonder why there isn’t more air outside. 

“I’m … not really. It’s just you don’t need to concern yourself.” You try to play it off. You let out a little laugh as if it really is just a simple thing. 

“Fine.” His tone is sharp and you knew your attempt to lighten the mood failed. He walks off and the pit in your stomach grows bigger. You chase after him. When you catch up you place your hands against his chest and stop him from moving. The two of you stand by the rock barrier separating the winery from the road. 

“Hold on … I know you’re irritated.” 

“Why would I be? This doesn’t concern me, does it.” Again, his words hit your heart and sink into the dark pit. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just, I haven’t talked about this with anyone in a long time. I didn’t think …” you’re trying to find the words to explain, it’s all just very hard. 

“You didn’t think I could care?” 

“No …” 

“You didn’t think I would understand?” 

“No, I don’t know. Hold on.” You push your hands against his chest to press the point you need him to stop. “Look, I want to explain to you, but you have to know that this was something I did a long time ago. I don’t … I don’t do this now.” 

He just stares at you. 

“A long time ago I was really struggling. I needed to figure out some things and it was all just so much to bear. So,” You roll up your sleeves and show him your arms. The light warms your skin and reminds you that these scars, while always there, had healed a long time ago. “I felt like this was the only thing that alleviated everything that was building up. Like they released the hurt. Do you understand?” 

You look at him with a pained expression. You want him to understand you. You want him to see that you are better now and that these things don’t define you. When he doesn’t say anything you return your gaze to your arms and back to the scars. 

When you see Diluc’s hands covering them, you look back at his face. He is giving you such a soft, compassionate expression. 

“I know what it feels like to be in pain. To want to block it all out and find some way to break through it. I understand.” He tracks your gaze as he speaks, if you look down, he dips his head, if you look away he pulls you back. “Thank you, for telling me.” 

“Mhm,” you respond, giving him a small smile. 

“And you don’t feel the need to do this anymore?” 

“No. Like I said, I found other ways to cope.” 

“Good.” He wrapped you in his arms, not caring at this moment if others saw you. He just wanted you to know you weren’t alone. 

“I will be here if things ever become painful again. Don’t forget that.” 

“I won’t. Thank you, Diluc.” 

Now that he knows, he doesn’t pay them any attention. He doesn’t linger on them, he doesn’t kiss them more than he would any other part of your body

He doesn’t bring them up

He doesn’t want you to feel reminded of your past, instead, he wants you to look forward to your future

IF you want to chat - you can let me know - here is another good resource

[pecadosarepiling]

😖😖😖 I have too much fun making Aster sleep around…

SMUT BELOW AND DANG ASTER GETS AN INTERESTING LOVER….

Rebels? Mandos? Oh my the choices…

Often a official meeting of strategy and overview of the next mission closed off with Aster giving a smile and asking the Mandalorian guest stay for a drink or some food. She’s quite good at making the traditional dishes.

The meal is eaten and likely a opened bottle of wine.

Aster’s clothes tossed all through the hall. The Mandalorians armor in pieces alongside.

@literatureandqueen @by-the-primes @stardustbee @eyecandyeoz @apocalypticwafflekitten @storm89 @maulslittlemeowmeow (some more smut for Aster 😖)

Remember how I mentioned that Aster would be fine with someone older….

The sound of pounding and moaning coming from the young lady’s room. Her bed has welcomed many a lover….

Caressed gently. A harsh spank. She’ll be bruised tomorrow.

“Give me more…” she whispers, “ I’m yours for the night.”

Her lover for the night moans her name and sinks back into her waiting cunt. He will try to keep up with her desires and likely pass out exhausted on the soft sheets. Many of her lovers do.

Aster purrs and stretches in the late hours of morning. Bruises bloomed on her hips and breasts. Her lover the same…and claw marks down his back.

He leaves in a daze and there’s Aster waving him off and greeting another guest coming up.

“So you came back to see me?” She purrs.

——

Aster has also been one to be seduced, she promised herself she would not bring him to a bed…

Fenn Rau was meant to be an Ally, she must not ruin this.

It had been going well…she had Rau trusting her and listening to her. After the success of her missions Fenn Rau had to admire the Mandalorian Zabrak. He heard of her, heard the praise from her guard. To be honest he thought they were just charmed by her looks and rumors of her welcoming. To be Frank he thought she would know nothing…just a pretty girl from a backwater planet.

History, war strategy, tactic and a rousing game of chess. She smirked as she took his last pawn and slid her Queen upon the square, “check.”

Missions debriefed, a look in her eyes that he took now as her working though ideas and solutions. “More successfully…” she didn’t pause to take note of his expression.

“And they have not made you a commander?” A shot of liquor burns her throat pleasantly. A hand on her knee. She already is leaning on the older man’s shoulder.

“Would you have?” She bats her lashes at him, “The daughter of the outsider Mandalore?”

“Perhaps not…maybe if I saw you in combat.”

A laugh, “ You’re a tad older than me and not able to weild a saber that’s hardly fair to you. I’ve beaten men just as skilled.”

“A protector is vastly different.” He takes a shot himself. The haze is pleasant.

“Oh?”

——

The bed creaks as Rau rocks into Aster. The young woman mewling as the older man fucks her deeply.

So different than her other lovers, not quick, fast….

Aster whimpers when he pauses, “Rau…”

“Wasting your time with boys…” she gasps as he moves in a way that has her shaking.

“I’ll be yours tonight…just yours…” she promises, “just yours…”

Rau groans, “say things like that and I’ll keep you for another night.”

——

Red was a beautiful color, his hands wandering over her form. Perfect. Soft to touch. Hips that moved so deliciously. Her dark red lips swollen from kisses and her soft whimpers as he groped her beautiful breasts.

Aster was in a haze….a little voice in mind that she shouldn’t be in bed with this man…this wasn’t like her Rebels and Mandos….

“You want more don’t you? “ he whispers to her as she lays in his bed. Her brown eyes hazy with lust…

Aster spreads her legs, his cum spilling from her pussy.

“Yes Sir…..”

——

He fucks her so she won’t forget, drilling deep that she will not get such pleasure from those boys of hers….

Only with him….

Aster will come back to speak with him, will return to lay in his bed and be his for the night….

—-

“Lady Oppress”

“Fenn Rau,” a cordial greeting.

Her guards nod, a private conference today.

Rau leads their Lady to one of the briefing room. As expected the two exchange the latest plans, banter and lastly Aster pressed against the table with her dress hitched up and Rau pounding into her….

He had been right…she wouldn’t forget.

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Part 4

(The side characters strike again!)

Part 1 Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Part 3

L!MC= Lucifer’s kid | M!MC= Mammon’s kid | A!MC=Asmo’s kid

Let’s get right to it!

The Uncle That Hardcore Simps For His Spouse In the Most Wholesome Way (Diavolo)

Gasp! More half-demon kids? Oh my! Maybe if he tried again next year a kid of his own would pop down! Hang on- he hadn’t slept with a human in almost a century... dang. No kids for him...

...maybe...

Remember when I said Diavolo would try to do those stereotypical dad (tm) things and be hip with the kids? Yeah he keeps doing that.

The number of broken windows related to wayward baseballs goes up 150%. At least that’s how they all figured out that M!MC is nearsighted like their dad!

M!MC had developed a bit of a habit of telling Diavolo about cool human stuff and making the Crown Prince even more interested in the human world than normal.

You may be thinking “what’s so bad about that?” well, the number of yo-yos at RAD went up so high that Lucifer had to ban them.

Belphie and Satan, being the rebels they are, became yo-yo masters specifically to spite Lucifer.

It was sort of like the fidget spinners craze if you were in school for that.

Oh, hi Lord Diavolo. What’s a fidget spinner? It’s this- I should stop talking...

Since no one learned their lesson from the previous incident, Diavolo threw another BBQ.

“Why are we doing this again?” L!MC asked to no one in particular.

“Don’t worry, L!MC. I’ve taken every precaution possible to make sure that what happened last time doesn’t happen again.” Diavolo said and continued in his crusade to cover the entire pathway with sidewalk chalk doodles.

L!MC, Luke, Diavolo, M!MC, Belphie, and A!MC were all busily drawing a wide variety of doodles and drawings with chalk while the other guests milled around nearby. A!MC was in the middle of drawing quite the nice looking Cerberus chibi, while M!MC and Belphie were drawing a lot of stick figures. L!MC and Luke had just finished a wonderful drawing of... an alpaca? Giraffe? Thing...? Hell, even they didn’t know what it was.

Diavolo looked over at M!MC’s stick figure army with a big smile on his face. “So what are all of them doing? It looks like that one’s flying!”

You could practically hear the Addam’s Family theme play as M!MC and Belphie looked at each other and grinned.

“Oh Belphie was just talking about L!MC’s flying lesson fails and I felt that an artist’s rendition was needed.” M!MC explained, he began to point out certain doodles. “Here’s L!MC getting up off the ground, then there’s them actually flying, and this is them falling in the fountain.”

L!MC looked over at the chalk and glared at M!MC. “It’s generous to call that an artist’s rendition. It looks like crap.”

“And what did you draw?” Belphie smirked at the alpaca-giraffe-thing, Luke protectively covered up the drawing (side note, Luke was wearing white and playing with sidewalk chalk, by the end of the day he looked like a walking pride flag).

“None of your business!” Luke huffed.

“And what about that one?” Diavolo seemed completely oblivious to the hostility brewing between the two groups, A!MC was completely used to this and walked away to grab a drink.

“Ah, good eye, Lord Diavolo!” M!MC chirped. “This is a drawing of the time L!MC almost burned down your kitchen.”

Diavolo laughed and gave M!MC a few pats on the head. “Very accurate!”

“You’re so lucky I followed the rules and didn’t bring a water gun...” L!MC growled as they slowly reached for their backpack.

“Yeah... lucky. Real lucky...” M!MC nodded as they tried to casually reach for their bag, Belphie followed suit.

“I’m so glad we all followed the rules.” Luke smiled, his own hand inching towards his bag.

There was a brief moment of stillness before the four of them whipped out their water guns and pointed them at each other.

“This BBQ ain’t big enough for the both of us!” M!MC’s terrible cowboy impression aside, their gun was poised to shoot directly at Luke and L!MC’s alpaca-giraffe-thing.

“Everyone, I know this is a human world tradition but-”

Belphie silenced Diavolo by pointing his water gun at him. “Sh, don’t talk unless you have a water gun as well.”

Deciding not to smite Belphie for treason, Diavolo pulled his own water gun out of his shirt. “Okay, what now?”

“Now, we’re in a standoff...” L!MC glowered at M!MC, the air was practically crackling with hostility...

Until a burst of flames got everyone to whirl around to see A!MC with hairspray and a lighter.

“No water guns! I refuse to go home shivering and covered in grass again!”

Crisis averted. Everyone went to go fail at throwing beanbags into a hole instead of shooting each other.

That was probably for the best... Belphie filled everyone’s water guns with paint.

The Uncle That Does All the Cooking for Family Dinners (Barbatos)

Remember how I said that Barbs liked smol Lucifer? Yea, he likes smol Asmo too. Smol Asmo is willing to admit that they don’t know how to use an oven and is willing to learn.

M!MC is formally banned from being within 50 feet of the kitchen. It’s for the best.

A!MC often tries to get Barbatos to look into the possible futures so they can see if they can avoid messing anything up and A!MC is just so adorable that Barbatos actually thinks about it.

He still says no every single time.

“Could you at least tell me if I have the possibility of doing something embarrassing in the near future?”

“My apologies, A!MC, but no.”

“P-please?”

“The answer remains the same.”

A!MC sighed and went back to helping chop vegetables. Under Barbatos’ tutelage, A!MC’s cooking ability had increased tenfold, they could now make as many burgers as they wanted without worrying about burning down the kitchen.

Pitying the anxious half-demon, Barbatos sighed. “I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”

A!MC perked up. “H-huh?”

“I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”

Quickly understanding what Barbatos was trying to do, A!MC quickly nodded and spent the rest of the cooking time carefully taking note of their surroundings.

“Hey! What’re you guys doin’?” M!MC had managed to get in... damn! Everyone must have been putting their best efforts in keeping Solomon away from the kitchen and forgot about M!MC...

“We’re just finishing up, M!MC,” Barbatos had on his ‘oh no...’ smile. “We don’t need any help.”

“Really? You guys sure?”

“Why are you so interested?” A!MC asked.

“Lucifer said that idle hands are the devil’s playthings and that I should go look for something productive to do.” M!MC huffed. “Very ironic phrase.”

“F-fine, I guess you can...” A!MC searched for the least destructive task they could give. “Take the utensils and set the table.”

M!MC gave them a mock salute and grabbed the utensils, as they turned to leave, they knocked a large bowl of chopped fruit over, sending the fruit pieces flying.

Remembering Barbatos’ prediction, A!MC didn’t bother to try and stop the fruit from falling, they only grabbed the nearest big plate they could find and shielded their outfit from harm. The fruit splattered harmlessly against the shield.

“Whoops... my bad. You alright, A!MC?” M!MC asked as A!MC inspected their outfit.

“Y-yes actually...” A!MC turned to Barbatos, who was already getting the cleaning supplies.

“Thank you!” A!MC whispered.

Barbatos smiled and nodded. “You’re very welcome, A!MC.”

Barbatos now has two sorta-children. A!MC and Luke!

M!MC means well, I swear! He just shouldn’t be allowed in a cooking environment!

The Cousin That Your Mom Points at and Goes “Look at Him, He Helps With the Dishes, Be More Like Him.” (Simeon)

Oh man... time for some more embarrassing stories.

“Asmo was the most adorable child, it’s a shame he was such a troublemaker...”

“Really? My dad?”

“What about mine?”

“I think you can guess.”

I cannot comment on Simeon’s help with flying lessons because I refuse to Headcanon what Simeon’s wings look like until canon gives us a GLIMMER. LIKE SERIOUSLY SOLMARE IM CURIOUS-

I have a feeling the children were quite curious as well.

“What do you think his wings look like?” M!MC asked A!MC as the two peered around the corner of one of the hallways in Purgatory Hall.

“I bet they’re super nice. But besides that...” A!MC leaned over and squinted. “Why is Simeon writing with a pen and pencil? He’s writing a book... shouldn’t he use a computer?”

“Bold of you to assume he knows how to use a computer.” M!MC snickered.

A!MC frowned. “Don’t be mean... I’m sure he knows how...”

Simeon picked up his DDD and took a picture of his face, seemingly by accident, with the flash on, causing him to drop the phone in surprise.

“Probably...”

The two surveyed their angel friend like two wildlife documenters, here we see, the Simeon, not in his natural habitat, surrounded by confusing technology...

“Do you think if we scare him his wings might pop out in surprise?” M!MC wondered aloud, A!MC shrugged.

“Maybe... but I don’t think we should bother him...” A!MC whispered. “He looks busy.”

“What are you two doing?”

It took literally every bit of willpower for the two half demons to not scream in absolute terror at the sudden interruption.

Ah... it was just Solomon... in an apron... Solomon... in cooking clothes...

Oh no.

“Spying on Simeon?” Solomon asked.

“N-no...” A!MC giggled nervously. “Just crouching casually in this hallway...”

“...smooth, A!MC.” M!MC rolled their eyes.

“Well, it’s great that you two are here, I made lunch!”

A!MC and M!MC looked at each other in pure horror, they needed to get out of there!

“Uh- um... we’d love to but...” M!MC looked around frantically before just pointing at a random spot behind Solomon. “LOOK! A DISTRACTION!”

A!MC and M!MC ran out of there as fast as their legs could carry them. Finding out if Simeon had wings was not worth being poisoned. Not at all...

Good ol’ Simeon... Mr. Cristopher Peugeot on the other hand- M!MC had some questions for him.

“TSL is literally the most popular book series ever, does that mean you’re completely loaded?”

“Oh, no I’m not, I don’t have any use for human world money in the Celestial Realm. All the profits go to charity.”

“...Dude really?”

“That’s nice of you, Simeon!”

“You didn’t keep any of it..?”

Wait... Who the Hell Are You..? (Solomon)

So A!MC basically has three dads; Fabulous-dad, butler-dad, and wizard-dad!

“So you just... have capes lying around?”

“Yes, would you like a cape?”

“Okay if they don’t take the cape I want it.”

Solomon shows up to RAD with his nails painted different wacky styles every week, courtesy of A!MC.

Though- the unholy combination that is M!MC and Solomon is feared by all.

“Road work ahead?”

“Uh, yeah I sure hope it does.”

Solomon and M!MC’s rampant quoting of vines elicited another glare from Lucifer.

Despite Solomon having literally been alive since the seven rulers of hell were angels, he had kept up with pop culture fairly decently. Decently enough that M!MC had someone that wasn’t Levi to bounce memes off.

“Pff...” M!MC suppressed a laugh at a seemingly normal water bottle advertisement. “Enslaved moisture.”

“I’m not going crazy, right Simeon? You’re hearing this too?” Lucifer tiredly turned to the angel, who shook his head.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg. Solomon quacked at M!MC earlier and they lost their minds laughing about it.” Simeon shrugged, unbothered by the sorcerer and the half demon’s rampant meme-ing behind them.

Lucifer on the other hand, was quite bothered. Incredibly bothered, if you will. “If you two don’t shut up right now I’m going to-”

“Quick! We must abscond!” Solomon turned and heelied away, followed by M!MC. The shoes that Mammon bought to replace the ones lost during the casino incident were apparently heelies as well...

The day was saved when a rock jammed one of Solomon’s wheels and he slammed face first into the concrete. Yikes... that had to hurt.

A!MC had fun glow in the dark bandaids for Solomon to patch up his face. Even though he he could heal himself with magic, he let A!MC do what they wanted because they were just too adorable to say no to.

Asmo has pictures

The Cousin Squad (tm)

(Luke, L!MC, A!MC, and M!MC)

Ah yes, the bab squad. The most adorable group in the Devildom. Surrender your candy immediately or face destruction.

M!MC teases the crap out of Luke, and A!MC tries to stop it, but L!MC is the one who manages to actually make M!MC stop.

Only L!MC gets to pick on the smol angel. GOT IT?!

A!MC and Luke are already baking buddies because of butler-dad so they get along swimmingly.

Poor Luke’s the victim of many of M!MC’s shenanigans.

Luke: Are you sure this is safe, M!MC?

M!MC (about to put mentos into the bottle of coke Luke is holding): No.

L!MC and A!MC get along really well, being honest, everyone loves A!MC.

A!MC makes sure L!MC gets some sleep because they don’t want their cousin picking up on Lucifer’s habit of living off of coffee and coffee alone. L!MC doesn’t get it but they’re very grateful anyway.

M!MC and A!MC were friends from the start. Well... M!MC decided they were friends right from the start and A!MC did not have the ability to fight the power of friendship.

M!MC: You are being befriended. Please do not resist.

Since M!MC is great and amazing like their pop, they took it upon themselves to be the friend that speaks up when A!MC is too nervous to do so.

M!MC and L!MC? Lucifer and Mammon 2 electric boogaloo. Sorta.

L!MC and M!MC bicker all the time but the babs bounce back from their fights way easier.

One minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next they’re showing each other memes.

“There’s no escaping this.”

Lucifer stood between M!MC and the door... their one way ticket to freedom...

“You need to go to the dentist.”

The entire HOL plus the Purgatory Hall crew were getting ready to go visit the dentist to get their teeth cleaned. It was the time of the year that Mammon dreaded most... and his child felt the same way.

“My teeth are fine! Lemme stay home! I’ll hold down the fort with dad!” M!MC smiled and nodded as enthusiastically as they could, but even the most unobservant person couldn’t miss the sweat beading on their forehead.

“Beel.” Lucifer snapped his fingers and before M!MC could do anything Beel had thrown them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Don’t worry M!MC, the dentist isn’t that scary.” Beel tried to assure them. By the way M!MC was still kicking and screaming, they were not convinced.

“Y-yeah kiddo, suck it up! Don’t be a baby! I’m just gonna take my car there-”

“MAAAAAAMOOOON?!”

“YIKES!”

Lucifer had the important task of keeping a hold of Mammon as the very large group made their way to the dentist’s office.

A devious little idea popped into L!MC’s head as they all sat down in the waiting room. They began to hum a familiar little tune.

“She said be a deeeentiiiist~ a dentist!” L!MC sang to M!MC, who’s attempts to escape increased tenfold after hearing the song.

A!MC began to hum along, not seeming to notice the commotion going on next to them.

“Son be a deeentiiiiiist~ people will pay you for causing them PAIN! She said be a deeentiiiiiist~”

Belphie perked up and smiled deviously as he realized what L!MC was doing, he began to sing along as well. The three were a veritable choir of terror to poor M!MC. Mammon did not understand his child’s terror and was more unnerved by what a great team Belphie and L!MC made.

Satan rolled his eyes and tried to focus on his book, Asmo was absorbed in his magazine, Levi was having a very in depth conversation with the fish in the aquarium, Simeon and Solomon chatted about school, and Luke was stuck watching the train wreck go down.

Thankfully, it was halted by Lucifer. “L!MC, A!MC, Belphegor, stop tormenting M!MC with show tunes.”

“You would have made a good dentist in another life, Lucifer,” Belphie cooed. “You know what they say, the only difference between a dentist and a sadist is that one has newer magazines.”

Asmo grimaced at his magazine. “Is it the sadist? Because I’m reading a magazine from 1843...”

The conversation was interrupted by one of the dental hygienists coming into the waiting room and saying that Mammon was up first. The Avatar of Greed’s final escape attempt was foiled by Satan (not even looking up from his book) clotheslining him.

Thirty minutes later, Mammon emerged from the forbidden dentist room, with the look of trauma in his eyes and eating a lollipop.

One by one, the group went in, A!MC took it upon themselves to try and make the rapidly panicking Luke feel better.

“It won’t be too scary, in the human world dentists are usually very nice.” A!MC smiled encouragingly.

“I-I’m sure that’s true but...” Luke looked around. “We aren’t in the human world...”

Asmo skipped back in and flashed a blinding grin to the group. “Absolutely perfect, no flaws! It’s your turn, A!MC!”

“If you die I get to say I told ya so!” M!MC shouted as A!MC walked into the dentist’s room.

They did not in fact, die because of the dentist. A!MC walked out and gave a thumbs up. “The dentist said they had never seen a kid with such perfect teeth.”

“That’s my baby!” Asmo chirped.

“M!MC, you’re up.” A!MC and Beel had to practically drag the poor kid out of the room and into the dentist area of doom.

“GO BE A DEEEEEENTIIIIIIST!” Belphie and L!MC shouted one last time as the doors shut. Wow, what dickheads...

Mammon probably would have tried to save his poor little bugger, but he was in the middle an impromptu therapy session with Simeon over the scary scraping dentist knife thingie.

Beel was the last to go, and he walked out of the dentist’s room with his face covered in blood, the dentist walked out after him, missing a hand.

“You tasted like toothpaste.” Beel sighed. “Not good.”

“Don’t worry,” The dentist said to Luke, who looked like he was about to pass out. “My hand will grow back in about four to five minutes.”

Luke, still terrified, nodded. L!MC patted him on the shoulder.

“Anyway, almost all of you are fine, but I have to recommend M!MC to the orthodontist.” The dentist flipped through their notepad one-handed. “Their secondary set of fangs are coming out crooked and need to be corrected with braces immediately.”

M!MC sat calmly for a moment, then attempted to sprint out the door. “NO NO NO NO NO!” One of the dental hygienists grabbed them by the back of their shirt and halted their escape.

“Sucks to be you.” L!MC smirked.

“And L!MC needs to fix their cross bite, braces are a strong possibility.”

The colour drained from L!MC’s face as the news dawned upon them. “Pardon, but what exactly are you talking about..?”

“Your top jaw and bottom jaw aren’t properly lined up.” The dentist explained. “It will lead to problems later if it’s not fixed now.”

Lucifer rubbed his temples and sighed. “L!MC, if you try and run away I swear...”

L!MC stiffened and shook their head. “I’m not some coward, I’m not running away. Just... what exactly are you going to do to my mouth?”

The dentist pulled up a few pictures of the braces and explained what would be done. L!MC nodded, and turned to their father with a big smile on their face.

“It won’t be so bad, mind if I go to the bathroom before I get the mold for my teeth made?”

Lucifer nodded and almost audibly sighed in relief. He basked in the glory of having a child that wasn’t afraid of the dentist and faced their fears like an adult-

L!MC sprinted past the dentist’s office, they had busted out of the bathroom window.

“...Beel.”

“Yep.”

A few minutes later, Beel returned with a completely irate L!MC who was screaming their demands to be put down and be allowed to run for the hills. Taking advantage of the distraction, M!MC ran for the door again, only for Belphie to tap them on the forehead.

M!MC collapsed into a snoring heap on the floor.

“FATHER! DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS!” L!MC practically screamed as they tried to wrestle themselves out of Beel’s bear hug.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “L!MC, calm yourself down. It’s just braces.”

“AS EVERYONE HERE AS MY WITNESSES I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!”

The half-demons in need of braces were dragged right back into the dentist’s area... poor fools.

“They’ll be okay... right?” Luke asked.

“Of course they will be. It’s just braces.” Simeon patted Luke on the head. “They’ll both be fine.”

The scream that came from down the hall right after Simeon said that did not reassure anyone.

“Hey,” Mammon piped up. “How much do braces cost?”

“From what I know about dental procedures,” Satan rubbed his chin. “A few thousand Grimm.”

“Mammon if you try and run for that door I will cut your credit card into a thousand pieces.” Lucifer growled.

Overall, it was a fairly average trip to the dentist. 0/10 would not recommend. A few weeks later L!MC and M!MC were fitted with their mouth prisons- I mean braces, and the two cousins bonded over their horrific mouth pain...

Seriously- braces suck.

——————————————

So! Those are the headcanons! Four and a half whole parts... phew... To all the people who enjoyed this series, thank you so so much for reading! You guys have been so super nice!

Fret not, I plan on writing more for this universe! From what I know about season 2 of Obey Me things will get... interesting. Stay tuned for more! Or don’t, I can’t force you.

...or can I?

[i-am-ironic]

The time that Dick dragged Marinette and Damian to the police because damian was nice to someone.

The title is a bit of an over simplification but it got the most votes and i think its funny. This probably isn't what you were expecting but damian wasn't expecting it ether so here we go!

Part 2

*********************

Damian was not having a good day. It had started out fine. He had gone to Wayne Enterprises to look over some paperwork and was planning on introducing his long time girlfriend to his family later that day. As he was headed back home he saw a flower shop, it had been a while since he had gotten marinette anything after work so he decided to stop and get her a bouquet.

He picked out a beautiful set of flowers, with lilys and some yellow flower he didn't know the name of.

But, as he was walking down the sidewalk toward his car a woman stopped him and said, "would you mind holding this for me? Just for a second?"

Now usually he would say no but marinette had been telling him he needed to be nicer to people so he said, "yes, just hurry."

He soon learned he should not have said that.

The woman handed him a bundle. Right before sprinting back to the flower shop and around the corner.

Damian's first though was 'well crap. This is a bundle of dr*gs isn't it?'

He carefully stated to unrap the bundle so he wouldn't disrupt what ever was in there. He didn't want any of it on him and he didn't want to touch any of it.

Well it wasn't dr*gs.

When he removed the blanket from the top of the bundle he found a face. The eyes were closed and the little pink mouth was open. Soft black hair was poking out from the edge of the blanket.

This was a baby.

He was just handed a baby on the sidewalk.

The baby was asleep.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't process what just happened. So he did what any logical man would do. He walked to his car, and got in it. Then he realized he couldn't drive anywhere with the baby so he got out of the car and started walking back to his apartment.

He must have looked pretty strange walking down the street with flowers in one hand and a baby in the other. He was still wearing the suit from the office and he was a Wayne. As the youngest of the Wayne's and only blood son he was pretty recognizable by the public.

When he finally reached the apartment the first thing he said after walking in the door was, "Marinette I'm never going to be nice to anyone again."

"Why babe?" Marinette called from the kitchen where she was cooking something for dinner. "What's wrong? Oh you brought me flowers how kind!" She grabbed the flowers turning on her heal to go put them in some water.

"Mari, im sure what ever you are cooking will be great," he said, she knew that today was his day to cook but they would have to talk about her overworking herself later, "I need some help over here."

"Why? What happened........." she saw the baby but then put her head in her hand before saying, " Damian Wayne is that a baby?"

"It is and I don't know what to do, and we don't have milk or diapers, or clothes, or....... Marinette? Are you okay?"

"Just give me a minute, I wasn't expecting my boyfriend to come home with a baby today." She stood there for a second before shaking her head and looking back up at damian. "OK so we have a baby. I guess we should see if he or she needs to be changed before we go to the store."

"We don't have any diapers." Damien added helpfully.

Marinette took the baby and walked to the living room as she said, "okay so go to the kitchen and get a towel and while you are in there turn off the stove."

As damian looked for a towel he heard marinette yell from the other room, "its a girl!"

After the 'diaper' situation was taken care of the two of them just stared at each other and the baby between them. She had woken up. She had the biggest blue eyes ether of them had ever seen. She couldn't be more then a month or two old. But she wasn't crying. She just looked around.

"Okay, so," mari started, "how about you tell me how you acquired a baby girl, in the car to the store."

"Yeah, about that, um, you see I didn't have a car seat so I just kind of walked here from the flower shop."

"Of course you did. It's fine we can walk, ill hold the baby if you promise to carry all the stuff we buy."

"Deal." He could carry all the things they would need, plus it would give him a great excuse to show off.

"So.... are you going to tell me where you got this baby?"

"Well, pretty much i went to get you flowers and as I was leaving a lady asked me to hold something for her and I remembered how you told me to be nicer to people so I agreed and then she took off running and I saw the baby and brought her home."

"So a lady just handed you a baby and ran, dang. You are aware no one is going to believe you right?" Mari said still trying to process everything.

"Yes I'm aware. Anyway we can't keep calling her 'the baby' we have to give her a name."

"Any ideas?"

"Marry."

"Kate."

"Emma."

"We are not naming her emma. What about Adélie?"

"How about Martha?"

"After your grandmother? That would be a good middle name." She paused for a moment, "I know Gabrielle, Gabby for short."

"Gabrielle Martha Dupan-chang al Ghul Wayne, poor kid has such a long name." Damien laughed.

"We might not be able to keep her dames, then what?"

"First we are going to get clothes, diapers, clean blankets and some formula. Then we can go to the police and file a report for fear for the safety of a child. The fact that she was just handed to me on the street should be enough evidence, they should give us custody until everything goes through. In the mean time we can try to get approved to foster her and maybe even adopt."

"One step at a time."

By this point the two of them had reached the store. (Im imagining like a Walmart or Target type of store) They made a bee line for the baby section. Neither of them had any idea what to look for and they didn't want to call any more attention to themselves then they already had. After all this was Damian Wayne walking into a store with a girl no one knew, and a baby, who had a dish towel wrapped around her waist. Needless to say people were staring.

Marinette picked out three outfits, a pastel purple dress, a green onesie and a blue onesie. Then they got some bottles and pacifiers before heading over to the diaper section. Neither of them expected to see Dick Grayson-Wayne walk around the corner as they were trying to figure out how many diapers a baby really needed for a few days.

The shock on Dick's face was worth all the questions he was inevitably going to ask. First he looked at his brother, then marinette, then the baby products damian was holding, and finally the baby in marinette's arms. He closed his mouth that had been hanging open and nodded, walking over to the three of them.

"Im not going to ask about the dress," he said Indicating the baby clothes marinette had handed damian " or the girl, and frankly I'm too scared to ask about the baby, but are you still coming to dinner tonight?"

"We don't know yet." Obviously annoyed Damian looked between his brother and marinette, "we didn't expect to have a baby this morning, so the plan has changed."

"What do you mean you didn't expect to have a baby? If you're girlfriend is pregnant then you are going to have a baby! That's usually how that works. Honestly Damian!" Then he seemed to remember all the days of school Damian had missed because of Robin dutys, "oh no. Damian when you were in high school did you miss the class called-"

"Im going to stop you right there," Marinette finally cut in "um, you see this isn't, exactly,our baby."

"And to the police we go!" Dick said dragging them out of the store barely letting them pay for their stuff. When ever ether of them tried to speak he would shush them and say they should tell it to the judge.

Did he honestly think they had stolen a baby? Well, to be fair, that's pretty much what Bruce did to Jason soooo....... and he had just met marinette and didn't know what kind of person she was. But they were planning on going to the police after the store anyway so this actually worked out.

Once they arrived marinette went to the bathroom with Gabby to change her diaper and put on some of the clothes. Damian and Dick went to Commissioner Gordon so Damian could explain the situation.

Marinette walked in right as damian was finishing the story, " And Dick saw us in the picking out a bottle and he asked about the baby and when I told him she wasn't our he dragged us here."

"So what your telling me is that you want to keep the baby until and unless the parent or gardien comes forward?" Commissioner Gordon looked quite surprised, "Damien you are so young, you don't need a baby that isn't your responsibility, and what does your girlfriend think about all of this?"

"I agree with damian," the three men looked up at Marinette holding baby Gabrielle, they had been so caught up in their talk they hadn't noticed her walk in, "i know what foster care is like, one of my roommate was in the system and she barely mad it out alive, it's been years but she still has nightmares and calls me in the middle of the night. Ha," her laugh was humorless and cold, "we bonded over our trama. I wont let this sweet little girl go through that when I can stop it."

Dick had slight tears in his eyes he remembered life before Bruce adopted him. There weren't many good memories. "I think they should keep her. If anything goes wrong they have the whole family to help, and no one should have to wonder where they are going to sleep that night."

"If you all are that determined then i'll start the paperwork. But," he said stopping the smile that had started to form on the new parents faces, "you will both have to agree to give her up if we end up finding her legal gardien, before you officially adopt her. After you adopt her she is yours and no one can take her back."

Marinette and Damian hugged making sure not to squish Gabrielle. They went back to the store, while Dick told the rest of the family Damian and his girlfriend would be a little bit late, and they had a surprise for everyone.

Damian walked in front of marinette as they entered the house.

Alfred the butler was there to great them, "good evening Master Damian and you must be miss mar-" the shock on Alfred's face was evident as he stared at Damian's tiny girlfriend holding a baby's car seat. "Is-is that?"

"Alfred could you please tell my family to gather in the living room we will be up in my room until then so they won't see the 'surprise'." He put emphasis on the word 'surprise' gesturing at the car seat.

Alfred nodded and smiled mischievously. Damian lead marinette to his room were they left all the baby stuff. When you have a baby you have to travel with a ridiculous amount of stuff.

When Alfred came back to get them he started at the baby girl, "what is her name?" He asked softly so he wouldn't wake her.

"Gabrielle Martha dupan-chang al Ghul Wayne." Damian answered just as softly.

"How old is she?"

"We aren't sure, we when to the doctor earlier today after we finished at the store and he said she was about two months old."

Alfred looked quite confused but knew they would explain once they got to the living room with the rest of the family.

Damian walked in first to block marinette and the baby from his family's view. The room was packed, there was Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Stephanie, and Barbara, not to mention Selina Kyle Alfred and Duke. When they had said the WHOLE family wanted to meet Damien's girlfriend they ment the whole family. When Damien sat down and they saw Marinette and Gabrielle, and i am not exaggerating when I say, all hell broke lose.

In the chaos it was hard to hear what specific people were saying but someone said, "i knew it wasn't like you to want us to meet your girlfriend now it all makes sense!" And "Well Bruce, at least he knows about his kid." There was also lots of swearing probably by Jason. Tim chugged an entire pot of coffee. Only Bruce was silent. He started at the them and waited for the room to quiet down.

"Damien, would you like to explain yourself?"

"Well this is all marinette's fault if you think about it."

Marinette looked offended as she responded "it is not my fault! You were the one who took a random baby home!"

"YOU KIDDNAPED A BABY!!!" Jason cut in.

"I mean its kinda the opposite of kidnapping if you think about it."

"I did not kidnap Gabrielle, she was handed to me on the street and I didn't know what to do so I took her home."

"Oh my God!" At this point everyone was confused. "What do you mean she was handed to you on the street?"

"Well i was walking out of the flower shop and a lady came up to me and asked if I would hold something for her and I said yes, so she gave me something and took off running. I looked down and there was a baby. I took her home and then marinette and I went to the store to get her some stuff. That was when we saw Dick. When he found out Gabrielle wasn't our baby he took us to the police i explained everything to them and we are going to keep her until her guardians can be found. If they don't find anyone we are going to keep her."

"What a story." Tim said. "Well that clears that up let's eat."

They continued talking late into the night about all the things that would have to change. But all things considered it went pretty well.

When the little family got home marinette went through the blankets Gabrielle had been wrapped in and found a letter.

"Dear Mr. Wayne,

This is my daughter, I don't have the money to take care of her, please give her a good life I don't know what will happen if she is put in the foster care system and I don't want to think about it. If you decide to keep her I will sign over all parental rights to you, I just ask that you give her the life that I couldn't, and that you let me see her on holidays. My name is Amanda Jones you can find me if you want to or just let me be. tell her I love her but I couldn't keep her. I love her so much."

She would have to give this to the police in the morning. But for now she had to get some sleep before Gabrielle woke up.

***************

This took forever to write but here it is i hope everyone likes it and thank you to everyone who voted on the name for this. I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out but its not bad, and I don't think it's going to get any better.

(Part 2)

@wannajointhecrabcult

@corabeth11

@i-wanna-be-a-ninja

@animegirlweeb

@spyofthenightcourt

[someguynamedstevewrites]

My Roommate is an Apparition: An Apparition A-Pink-ciation of Culture

Based on characters created by @reddpenn

From the diary of Lily:

------------

When I was little, I used to talk to my stuffed animals all the time.  They were my soft, cuddly friends who were always there for me, and even though they never spoke a word, I always imagined I could hear what they wanted to say.  Even as an adult, I still treat inanimate objects like they’re people too.  In fact, everyone does at some point or another in their adult life.  Anyone who has ever argued with their car that refused to start knows what I mean.

But recently, I realized that sometimes people can do... well the opposite. That sometimes we don’t treat people (who are actual, real people) like they’re people.  It’s not something we consciously think about, but it’s more like we forget that, well, people are people.  I know this sounds really dumb, but I felt like I needed to write about this after a... well after an “argument” I had with my roommate.

I’ve lived with my roommate for a few months now, and I thought I had gotten to know them pretty well.   They like to watch cartoons (like, seriously LOVES them) and we had worked out a TV viewing schedule to make sure that we got along together.  But the other day, I realized that I wasn’t necessarily treating them like they were their own person.  I didn’t mean to do that, but it just kind of happened, and...

...well it gets really complicated because, technically, they aren’t a person.

I mean, they aren’t human; they’re an apparition.

It made me think about all those stories about monsters and ghosts.  Like a ghost used to be human, but then they died, and their spirit became a ghost.  Do we still treat the ghost like the person they were when they were alive?  Outside of a few exceptions, the answer’s a definite yes.

But what about an apparition? It’s kind of like a ghost, but it’s not. I mean, it’s not the soul of someone who died or anything. They just sort of exist. (Would Slimer from Ghostbusters be an apparition or a ghost?).

------------

So anyway, reason I’m bringing this all up is because of what happened last weekend. I was channel surfing through the Cable Guide and as I’m flipping through, I pass by Boomerang (you know, the cable channel that spun-off Cartoon Network to hold all the older cartoons?) and all of a sudden, my roommate appears out of nowhere (literally) and practically grabs the remote out from my hands.

“Hey! What gives!?” I say to them.

They immediately change over to Boomerang and my TV screen is suddenly filled up with the color pink. At the same time, my roommate starts “doot-ing” along with the song and goes, “Doo-Doot! Doo-Doot! Do-Doot-Do-Doot-Do-Doot Do-Doot-De-Dooooooooo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doooot”. I have no idea what they’re doing, but then the cartoon starts up and it’s the Pink Panther.

Rhetorically, I go, “What’s this?”

“Pink... Panther...” my roomie says.

And then I make my first mistake by saying, “Huh. Never seen it before.”

Now if I had been paying attention to them, I probably would have seen the face of shock they were making. “You... NEVER... saw it!?” They gasped.

“Nope. Must have been before my time,” which was totally true. I mean, I later found out my Dad used to watch it when he was a kid. It wasn’t on TV when I was growing up. (Why am I defending myself for not watching a specific cartoon?)

Anyway, roomie asks, “Watch... with me?”

And then I, being a total dumbass, say, “Nah. Think I’ll get some dishes in,” before getting up and walking away.

If I had stayed put for just a few seconds longer, I would have heard them asking, “...please?” (In case you’re wondering, they told me about that later.)

------------

Yes, I hurt its feelings.  Yes, it was insensitive.  Yes, I am sorry.  But like I said, the thought didn’t even cross my mind back then.  As far as I knew, as long as my roommate had their cartoons, they were happy.  It didn’t occur to me that they cared about anything other than the cartoons themselves.

For the next week, my roommate made sure I knew, now and forever, that this was not true.

My first clue that they were mad at me was later that evening when I went to the living room to watch my usual shows.   It was my turn on the TV, and usually I have to pry my roommate away so I can watch what I want to watch. But that night, the instant I walked into the room, they changed the channel to what I wanted, put the remote down on the couch, and left the room without saying a word.  I thanked them, plopped myself down, and went straight into couch potato mode.

This should have thrown so many red flags in my head, but for some reason, it didn’t.  Maybe I was being too self-absorbed at the time? Maybe I was just tired and thinking, “Aww man, I gotta work tomorrow!”?  No matter the excuse, mistakes were made, and I started paying for them the very next morning.

My “haunting” kicked off with waking up to find most of my rock collection missing.  I have a particular affinity for pretty rocks and gems (I’m kind of a rock nerd) and have my favorites out on display.  But that morning, the only rocks that I could see were the pink ones.  Someone had pilfered almost every pebble from every pedestal to perturb me.   (I saw a chance for alliteration and took it! So sue me!)  I was still waking up and too tired to care about it at the time (me making excuses again) and had work, so I got ready to go and left.

Now I’m not sure how they did it, but my roommate did something to my car radio.   I turn it on and all I get are tunes by Henry Mancini.  Fifty percent of the time, it was the Pink Panther theme, twenty-five percent was the theme from A Shot In The Dark (I had to use Soundhound to figure out that one), and the rest was a mix of some of his other work.   It didn’t matter what station I tried changing it to!  Although I did learn that Mancini composed Baby Elephant Walk, so that’s something.

By now, I’d already figured out what was going on (roommate did it), but couldn’t really do anything about it because I still had work to go to.   As if the daily grind working at an art supply store wasn’t hard enough, I had to work while having the dang Pink Panther theme stuck in my head all day.  Not even the music that played over the store radio could get rid of it.  (Given the quote un-quote “music” they play over the speaker system, I eventually considered it a good thing.)

Then I came home, and that’s when things REALLY escalated.  First words out of my mouth after I walked in was, “Hey, I’m hoooOOOOOLY~!”  Every single wall in the apartment, from the living room, to the kitchen, to the bedroom, and even the bathroom...

PINK!

All of them were painted PINK!

Like strawberry frosted doughnut pink!

As I’m gawking at the interior design sugar rush nightmare, out walks my roommate from around the corner.  Immediately, the first thing I noticed was that they had feet. (Normally, they don’t have feet; they just kind of “hover” or “emerge from the ground” or something.) They had their eyes closed, head held up, and made a point of showing off these noodle legs they had constructed by skipping every other three steps.

They were doing the Pink Panther shuffle.

They walk out of my line of sight and I run over to have a word with them, but by then they disappeared.  I look around and all I see is more and more pink.  From behind me, I hear a mix of snickering slash wheezing.  Like you ever hear of this cartoon dog named Muttley?  They were laughing like him.  And of course, I turn around, and the only thing I see is more pink!

------------

I knew that my roommate could be ornery at times, like that time I tried to get an idea of their daily routine by setting up a webcam, but this...

I mean, where did she even get the paint?  (Upon reading back here, I realized I referred to them as a ‘she’ even though I’m not sure if they are a ‘she’ or not.  Yeah, I can edit it to a more neutral pronoun, but something tells me I ought to point this out instead of editing it, for some reason.)

I was half tempted to get back at them by painting the walls back to their original color (they do sell paint by the gallon where I work, and I get the employee discount), but realized they’d just paint(?) the walls pink again.  Like I’d turn around after thinking I finished only to find the work I did completely undone.  I could just picture my roommate doing that and finding it hysterical.

Anyway, tacky as the pink walls were, I didn’t get too angry about them.  For starters, my lease agreement said that I couldn’t paint the walls without landlord approval.  But my lease agreement also acknowledges that my apartment may be haunted.  If the landlord ever brought it up, I’d just tell them the “ghost” did it.  Second, these pranks my roommate was pulling were kind of amusing and didn’t really bother me that much.  (I mean sure, I wanted my rock collection back but I doubted my roommate would have thrown them away.  They know how much they mean to me.)

The one thing I was putting my foot down on was that I wasn’t going to ask my roommate what was wrong.  I got the hint, sure, but I wanted them to know that if something is bothering them, they need to, y’know, actually say something instead of leaving spooky pink clues.  They were being a butt, and my hope was that when they saw how much the pink wasn’t bothering me, then they’d finally open up.  This went on for about a week with me going about my daily routine only to be surprised by the occasional pink interruption.

Like on Wednesday, I go to the fridge to get something to drink, and all I find in there is Pink Lemonade.  It actually wasn’t that bad, but I have no idea how my roommate actually got it given that they never leave the apartment.  Thursday, I get a notification saying a package arrived, and find my roommate used my debit card to order the entire Pink Panther cartoon series on DVD.  And earlier on Tuesday, I got a call from my landlord asking if I knew why someone had called in an order, in their name, to have Owens Corning insulation installed.  In case you weren’t aware, that’s the pink insulation who has “you can guess who” as their mascot.

------------

So, Friday rolls around, and by now, the entire apartment is pink.  Like EVERYTHING.  The furniture, the electronics, the toilet, the sink, the appliances, the TV, and everything in between has been made pink somehow.  I’m not sure who out there still makes pink toilet paper, but apparently my roommate has either some special powers I don’t know about yet, or they got connections.

At this point, since my roommate had yet to approach me about “The Pink-ening”, I began playing the reverse-psychology card.  I came home and got to making dinner.  While some of this was a bit more expensive than what I usually spend on food, I figured it was worth it if it meant getting my roommate to talk to me.  My menu included delicious smoked pink salmon, some crab linguine with a nice amount of pink to it for a side dish, and some mashed red potatoes that turn out nice and pink if you got the right recipe.  To wash it down, I picked up a glass of pink lemonade from the fridge, and in the freezer, some strawberry sorbet.

I get down to eating at my pink table, with a pink wooden chair, pink napkins, pink silverware, pink glass of pink lemonade.  It took a little more effort to put this together, but I made an exaggerated point of showing off how good this pink meal was and how much I was just enjoying all this pink.

About halfway into my meal, I get a feeling that someone’s standing behind me.  It’s hard to put into words how you know someone’s there especially since my roommate doesn’t really eat or breath.  It’s like the hairs on the back of your neck become sensitive like cat whiskers and can just... feel that someone’s there.  Usually sends a chill down my spine when that happens, but this time, I was ready and waiting for it.

“Care to join me for dinner?” I say without turning around.  If I had, they probably would have vanished on me again like they had been doing all week.

“Looks... good...” they say in their ever so familiar by now raspy voice.

“Got something you want to talk about?” I ask between bites.  There’s a brief pause as my roommate thinks to themselves.

“...yes,” they finally answer.

“Okay.  Pull up a chair!  It’s been a while since we just, y’know, talked and stuff,” which was true.  

The instant I said that, I realized that even before the “week of pink” began, we hadn’t spent a whole lot of time together outside of our usual TV time.  I had long since figured out that my roommate wanted me to watch Pink Panther with them, but I just thought they wanted to show it to me to show off how (subjectively) good the cartoon was.  Only then did it hit me that they wanted me to watch it with them because they wanted to watch it together with me.  It was like they were hoping for some roommate bonding time or something like that.

Now, it wasn’t like we weren’t talking to each other before this.  I greeted them whenever I saw them, and let them know whenever I came home or was leaving. but we hadn’t actually talked, like... “talk-talk” in a few weeks.  Instead, the conversations over the last few weeks were like the kind of conversations a person would have with their pet cat or pet dog.  Like you’d talk to them, but not really expect an answer from them.

I had been treating her like a pet more than a person.  (Did it again!  I’m thinking I’ll ask them later what kind of pronouns they’d like me to use, or if they’ve even given any thought towards gender or anything).

My guess is that my roommate picked up on this themselves, and just like a disobedient pet who is bored, lonely, or other, they made a mess of the place.  Maybe they were thinking that if I was going to treat them like a pet, they would act like one too?

Of course, I didn’t mean to treat them like that.  I don’t think anyone really does mean it when they do.  It just kind of happens without thinking about it.  The whole reason I’m writing this down here in you, diary, is so that I can make a mental note slash reminder to be careful of doing that kind of thing.  It’s especially important to remember when interacting with other people, like my co-workers or the store customers.  (Unlike my roommate, they can’t get on my case by making my entire apartment pink.)

------------

Now where was I?  Oh yeah, our talk.  I think I remember the most important bits of it.  It went something like:

“So, whaddya wanna talk about?” I ask between bites of food.

“Pink...” they say to me.  I wait a moment, expecting them to say “panther” after that, but it when it doesn’t arrive, I step in.

“Yeah!  Pretty amazing what you did with the place!  I didn’t know things could even get this pink!” which was one-hundred percent true.

“...Thank...you...” they say with a smile.  I can tell that was not the answer they were expecting as I could have swore they turned and blushed.  Although I couldn’t tell because of how pink everything else was.

“Although,” I add, “I don’t think the landlord is going to like the apartment being this pink.  If it stays like this, they might kick me out.  And we wouldn’t want that, right?”

Now my roommate, the apparition, actually looks shocked for a moment.  The thought hadn’t entered their head, and for a moment, they looked a little scared.  “N-n-n-no...” they stuttered.

“Well, I’m sure together, we can get this place back to the way it was before the next time they have an apartment inspection.  Whenever that is,” I reassure them.

“Yeah...” my roommate nods.

“Say I got some time off this upcoming weekend.  Want to watch some Pink Panther with me?”  (Oh my God, you should have seen the smile on my roommate’s face when I asked this.)  “I see I have the DVD collection now, apparently,” I say with a wink, “and we can even watch the movies together too.”

“...movies?” they ask.

“Yeah, the Pink Panther was a movie first before it became a cartoon.  It was a live-action movie, but... well some of it’s like a cartoon here and there.  Lots of slapstick comedy that I think you might like.”  They were practically beaming and agreed immediately.  

After Friday’s dinner, we watched some of the cartoons (which are actually pretty funny) and for the upcoming weekend, we’re doing a Pink Panther movie marathon with cartoons mixed in to spice it up.  I also found out that my roommate doesn’t just watch the cartoons, but actually knows a thing or two about them.  Like how Friz Freleng, one of the directors and creative minds behind the original Looney Tunes cartoons, was involved in the Pink Panther’s creation along with a new studio after he left Warner Brothers.  I don’t know how my roommate came to know so much, but it’s pretty cool.

Anyway, I got me some sweet, pink treats to snack on during the movie marathon.  The apartment is still pink as can be, but my roommate said they’ll take care of it once the marathon’s over.  Exactly HOW they plan to take care of it, I have no idea.  Oh well.  No use pinking too hard about it.

(HA!)

[love-takes-work]

Very Cool Potluck

Did you know that some people are so dedicated to reproducing Steven Universe recipes that they’ll both put cheese puffs in their sushi AND willingly bring durian into their homes?

I will teach you the basics of how to prepare the Cool Kids’ Potluck and also tell you the story of how I got food poisoning.

(Sorry, Lars’ ube roll is not included, because it didn’t make it to the potluck. It is available as a separate recipe, of course.)

See more SU food tutorials!

I decided it was time to do the Cool Kids' POTLUCK!

STEVEN: (holds up Snack Sushi) "Who's feelin' lucky?"

SOUR CREAM: "I brought the soda."

JENNY: "I brought the pizza."

BUCK: "I brought the assorted fruit."

And Sadie brought paper plates to complete the set. Too bad Lars's Ube Roll couldn't join them! 

Okay, so we have a four-part meal. Most complicated of course is the sushi! We can assume it is Snack Sushi, which I have made before but didn't really give instructions. Steven explains pretty well but doesn't give you a sushi rice recipe. How about I just tackle this here and show you how?

Recipe 1: SNACK SUSHI

Ingredients:

11 1/2 ounces sushi rice

1 1/2 cups cold water

4 tablespoons rice vinegar

3 tablespoons sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 package nori (seaweed sheets)

1 avocado

1 bag cheese puffs

Mayonnaise

Hot sauce

First, sushi rice is made a special way. I am no expert, but the way I do it has worked fine for sushi in the past. First you measure out your 11.5 ounces of rice and put it in a sieve, then wash thoroughly with tap water.

Put it in the pan you will cook it in, pour the 1.5 cups of cold water on, and let sit WITHOUT COOKING for 30 minutes.

When the soak time is up, turn on high and boil. As soon as it hits boil, turn to low, cover, and cook 15 minutes. Then turn off the heat and let steam in the pan for 10 more minutes. You now have fluffable, tasty, sticky steamed rice!

Next, make your vinegar concoction. Combine the vinegar, the sugar, and the salt in a small dish. Microwave it to dissolve the sugar. I did this in a few 20-second bursts. It smells strongly but I love that smell. Make sure when you stir it, there's no sugar on the bottom! It must be dissolved.

Pour the concoction over the hot rice and stir it in. You are ready to work with it!

From there, it is as Steven shows us in "Cooking With Lion."

• Put nori on a rolling mat, rough side up

• Spread sushi rice on the nori thinly

• Halve the avocado, remove pit, cut in slices and rub a spoon around the avocado flesh to dislodge it

• Place the avocado slices in a line on the rice

• Place a line of cheese puffs in a line next to the avocado

• Roll compactly, tucking as necessary to get it into roll shape

• Cut!

You'll also need to make "spicy mayo" for the garnish. Steven uses hot sauce and mayonnaise. Mix together and squirt neatly onto the top of each roll.

"Who's feelin' lucky?!"

And that's the recipe!

Tip:

Use rice shortly after cooking. Refrigerate it if you will not be eating it soon after. Guess who got food poisoning from eating old rice because of this? CAN YOU GUESS?? 🤢

Recipe 2: PIZZA

So I've made pizza from scratch half a dozen times already for this show. I'm not gonna do it again. (Here's my personal Fish Stew Pizza recipe.)

Jenny simply brings pizza from work! So I decided to go the easy route and purchase a commercial pizza this time.

We never actually see the pizza eaten. I will assume it's the default pepperoni pizza and add veggie pepperoni to mine.

Baking in the oven per box directions as I figure out pizza boxes!!

Jenny's got four dang boxes of pizza on that table. I'm sorry, but I will not be preparing four pizzas. I live by myself and am not actually having a real potluck here. I will use comic book boxes to provide the illusion of many pizzas even though I am only cooking one. Shhhhh.

I actually used paper cutouts and markers to design my own Fish Stew Pizza box!!

Done! Next!

Recipe 3: SODA

Another recipe where I don't really make anything. I am just dressing up a bottle of Diet Coke.

But at least I made it look like the soda Sour Cream brought (termed "So-Duh").

Recipe 4: ASSORTED FRUIT

Oh god.

Buck, you clown. 🤡🤡 You went and bought various pokey-skinned fruits and forced me to BRING A DURIAN INTO MY HOME.

Folks, do you have any idea what durian is?

Let's just say it's known as the King of Fruits and it is SMELLY. You can't look up anything about durian online without related news stories discussing areas where durian is BANNED, neighbors complaining if you bring durian home, and tips on getting the smell off your hands and out of your breath.

I've bought frozen durian before to make Durian Juice Boxes. It was bad enough frozen. But then I had to go buy a FRESH STANK MACHINE at the Asian Market.

The things I do for this friggin show

So we have pineapple.

We have dragonfruit.

And we have &%#!%@ durian.

Durian! People! Do you have any idea what my house smells like!!! And they put it in a bag like that because you can't pick it up without GETTING STABBED! god what am i doing

Anyway.

There, you happy?

Here is my beautiful POTLUCK.

Add paper plates because Sadie brought them and now Sour Cream is thrilled he doesn't have to do the dishes.

Also, I'm sure it wouldn't be all that much fun if you didn't get a quick lesson on how to eat the weird fruits, even though the Cool Kids did not cut into them. Right?

So after I recovered from food poisoning from that rice, I put down a plastic tablecloth on my outdoor porch table, gathered an assortment of knives and plates, grabbed some gloves, and prepared these fruits for eating.

Dragonfruit:

Cut in half. Cut further in quarters and eighths. Peel the fruit out of the husk and store.

Verdict: I don't like dragonfruit. It tasted like weird, hurty watery kiwi. Maybe you should know I'm allergic to kiwi. This is probably related. I shouldn't eat this.

Pineapple:

Cut the top and bottom off and discard (including the bush at the top). Slice the remainder completely in half. Cut the core out--you shouldn't eat it. Then slice each half and slice again into manageable strips. Cut lines in the fruit and cut them off into a storage container.

Verdict: I am allergic to pineapple so I didn't try it, but it smelled amazing. I saved it for my friend.

Durian:

All right, stank fruit, here we go.

Cut the stem off and flip the durian to stand on the top where you cut the stem off. Use pot holders to manipulate because otherwise IT WILL CUT YOU. Examine the durian's shape and see if you can figure out based on its bulges where the huge scary pods are inside. Make a cut through the very tough husk and pull it apart with your hands.

Pods will emerge. They are soft and delicate, so if you hold them too hard they'll break. Each contains HUGE seeds. Take the seeds out before eating. Go around the rest of the durian and get all the pods out. It's a scavenger hunt! Store.

Verdict: The smell is literally not any worse when you open it. It is a very thick, pervasive smell but to me it didn't smell like a rotting corpse or poop or anything.

But then I ate a little bit and the aftertaste was really dark and musty. Dip a butt in tropical fruit syrup. It was pretty vile. I swallowed it though, and my mouth was Very Unhappy. I do not like durian.

I guess I'm 0 for 3. My sushi made me sick because I left the rice out for hours, I can't eat any of my fruit, and I reused the pizza to make a damn Pizza Steve.

But at least my life is interesting while it's being a disaster, huh?

At least I can still drink my So-Duh.

See more SU food tutorials!

[facets-and-rainbows]

Blue Exorcist 10th anniversary book Q&A session

The 10th anniversary book has a section where Katoh answers 100 questions submitted by fans on Twitter, so here they are translated/paraphrased! May contain manga spoilers up to the recent flashback arc, so be warned.

(Note that I’m playing it very fast and loose here because there are A HUNDRED OF THEM, so not exact wordings, but it should capture the gist. Lemme know if there are any you want elaborated on)

1. Katoh likes the feel of traditional drawing more than digital but is impressed with how far digital has come

2. Meph THOROUGHLY ABUSES spacetime to watch all his shows and ensure that he gets all the merch he wants

3. Did the girls take all of Yukio’s school uniform buttons in middle school? Yes, they did (apparently it’s like A Thing for girls to ask for a button from their crush at middle school graduation, based on some sad movie from the 60s where a guy who got drafted as a kamikaze pilot gave a girl one of his uniform buttons to remember him by)

4. Rin's tail is about a meter long

5. There are tons of servants working at Mephisto's mansion. Belial is in charge of them

6. Katoh borrows from all sorts of neat real locations when making settings

7. Katoh identifies with pretty much all the characters the most! Except Lucifer.

8. Demon designs she's proud of include the impure king and hachirou, pretty much anything that was the main one in an arc

9. Katoh lists a bunch of her favorite musical artists/music she’s listening to recently: King Gnu, Official Hige Dandism, Kenshi Yonezu, BAD HOP, Sakanaction, Keyakizaka 46, Hypnosis Mic, Aimer, B’Z, Queen Bee.

10. Awww the rabbit manga that characters are often reading isn't just Robo to Usakichi, it's an even older one that she drew as a little kid

11. She likes industrial style interior designs

12. Rin and Yukio alternated who got the top bunk growing up, because they couldn't agree on it lol

13. Katoh cares a whole lot about panel layouts and speech bubble positions, might even be her favorite part of the process (it shows!)

4. Katoh does NOT have a mashou, lol

15. Rin has probably been practicing in secret so he can learn to carry stuff with his tail

16. Izumo probably got into shojo manga around 1st grade, her mom had some around the house

17. Specialty dishes: Rin - lots of stuff but especially nabe Yuri - stuff you can throw together quickly Shiro - stuff he learned from Yuri and/or cookbooks, alongside teaching Rin Yukio - Does. Not. Cook.

18. Can't pick a favorite place she's been on research, but there's no place like Japan

19. Kinzou's band isn't currently meeting because demons, but he's probably still thinking of new songs

20. Hardest characters to draw: anyone with detailed flowing hair. Hardest to write for: Lightning and Gedouin. She had to go read books about serial killers specifically for material for Gedouin, lol 

21. Suguro actually gets a dorm room to himself, though allegedly Yukio is technically assigned as his roommate, lol. Didn't end up that way what with Yukio being a teacher and also Rin’s whole...situation

22. Shiemi makes some of her own hair accessories! Cute

23. Katoh doesn't mind if you include stuff with fan letters but check with the editor first

24. Time for making each chapter: Planning/storyboarding: 1-5 days. Sketching: 3-5 days. Drawing/inking: the rest. Just...the rest of the time

25. Neither Suguro nor Izumo have dated before and neither is currently dating. But that's probably just because things were hectic for them! It could happen

26. Yukio breaks 5 or 6 pairs of glasses a year, someone get this kid a strap or something

27. How many spare glasses does Yukio have? Check the fanbook lol it's in there (dang it Katoh)

28. The demon she wants us to pay the most attention to is Lucifer. Because plot.

29. What's under the Order's big meeting table? It's a BOTTOMLESS PIT and if you fall in it you DIE that's what makes it COOL (laughs)

30. What are the job requirements for the angelic legion? Literally just Arthur liking you and inviting you to join

31. She WANTS to do more character profiles but just hasn't gotten to it

32. Rin's tail feels like a cat tail, texture wise

33. The "red Assiah fire" is literally just actual fire nothing special

34. Rin's current hair color is light blue fading to white at the ends

35. Thoughts on Rin's growth: she likes that he stays positive in awful situations and she also thinks it's very main character of him to face the past instead of avoiding it

36. Mephisto didn't purposely surround Rin with stuffed animals when he woke up after going crispy. Mephisto's bed is just Like That

37. Kurikara was based on a cool sword she found in a sword book, but that one was technically just a ceremonial sword. The symbol on it us a Sanskrit letter kaan (sp?) associated with Fudou Myouou

38. Kuro can communicate with normal cats and hangs out with them often

39. Sometimes Shiemi's skirt is extra fancy around the hem what's up with that? Apparently it's an optional accessory that comes with the skirts help I haven't noticed this and don't know any fashion terms in any language

40. When coloring, Katoh always tries to have an overall theme in mind ("emphasis on blue" etc) so it comes together in the end

41. Yes the twins are genetically related to Shiro because of Goro (she says they're like his nephews but I say GENETICALLY at least they'd be indistinguishable from his children)

42. Strongest mom of all the strong moms around here? Yuri! Did you SEE her give birth??

43. Are you careful about your own health Katoh-sensei? Not particularly! Her mom has had to bring her food at work sometimes! Don't do this at home kids

44. At the dating events Shura goes to, does she drink cocktails in moderation? Yeah, she probably downplays her normal drinking habits at these things. But normally she's down for just about any kind of drink

45. Lucifer just really likes oysters okay

46. How many pages of manga does Katoh draw in a day? If she's being good about self-care: three. Maximum number ever: TEN

47. Mephisto is one of those folks who can eat like a garbage compactor and never gain weight. Possibly because his body resists that sort of change the same way it resists aging etc

48. First food Rin cooked: fish burger type patty. Yukio's favorite things Rin cooks: fish simmered in soy sauce, yellowtail with daikon radish. It's fish all the way down

49: Did Rin ever get more monthly allowance from Mephisto? It doubled! He gets TWO 2000 yen bills now (rip) [T/N: That's uh, that's USD $37.26 a month or 33.10 euro]

50. Why isn't Rin more popular with the girls? He gets nervous talking to them, plus he's too oblivious to notice even if he DID have some fans

51. Why change Suguro's hair? She gets bored with keeping everything the same, and she wanted a visual representation that he was getting serious and going into kind of a training arc

52. Things Katoh pays extra attention to when drawing: trying to capture the feel of whatever she's drawing (like "that looks warm and soft" or "I bet that guy stinks" cough Lightning cough)

53: Does Rin take after Yuri more? (He's got her eyes!) Katoh tried to draw Yuri so she looks like both twins. Personality, too - Yukio has her smarts and Rin has her optimism

54: Do you ever wanna be like Mephisto? Well she'd like to be able to get away with just ANYTHING EVER, but no, let's not be like Mephisto

55. Konekomaru not only carries around a cat toy in case he meets any cats, he MAKES cat toys to carry around based on what he thinks the cats would like

56. How'd you come up with Shima? Go read the fan book!

57. Do the kids have Twitter/Instagram accounts? Rin - probably not. Konekomaru might be on some social media. Paku and Izumo are totally on instagram

58. Is there something Rin makes that you wish you could try? All of it! That's the whole idea! He's good at cooking!

59. Will we ever have a (G-rated) reveal of what ALL of Mamushi and her family's tattoos look like? Maybe! She'll think about it

60. Does Arthur have a repertoire of different hairstyles? Not really, he just puts some of it up on the top. Heck he might even have people to do that for him

61. If you wrote a shojo manga what would it be about? She'd have to do a lot of research before even coming up with a story, since there are so many style differences between the genres aside from just the subject

62. The other two of Mephisto's top 3 favorite foods: Cup ramen and....f-fried bubblegum?? Is that a THING???

63. Where do you start when drawing a character? Usually the outline of their face but if it's a complex pose/composition she'll start with whatever's in the foreground (like hands)

64. If Katoh could have a familiar, what demon would she choose? Mephisto. As the all-powerful author, she might actually be able to command him as a familiar!

66. If you swapped Yukio and Rin's relationship around what would change? not much, you'd pretty much have Rin going to the Illuminati and Yukio going to the past

67. Top 3 foods/souvenirs to try in Kyushu? Well she doesn't know what’s good CURRENTLY but when she was there she always used to like burdock tempura udon, hakata torimon (a kind of manju with white bean paste inside), and Chikae style cod roe. today I learned Katoh went to high school in Kyushu

68. Katoh listens to music a lot while she's storyboarding, then when she and the assistants are all drawing and inking they put various videos/movies and stuff on in the background

69. For all his hitting on girls, is Shima actually popular with the ladies at all? He's got enough girls in his life that he probably COULD find a girlfriend if he really wanted, but the double agent thing tends to get in the way. He still wouldn't be as popular as Yukio though (side thought/translator’s note: Shima would be proud of being number 69.)

70. Katoh has the ending planned out in a big-picture way, but there are still a few details here and there that she's fretting over

71. It's cute when the boys put their ties over their shoulders when they're working on something! Where'd that come from? She just figured a tie might get in the way and that seemed like a realistic way to get it out of the way

72. Looks like Yukio is getting some facial hair! What about Rin? They're both about the age for it, but maybe Rin can't grow a beard yet. Maybe a little peach fuzz here and there

73. Katoh's favorite blue exorcist merch? There were some exorcist licenses a while back, and the exorcist pins. Basically it's really cool that these little accessories she drew ACTUALLY EXIST NOW, LIKE YOU CAN HOLD THEM IN YOUR HANDS

74. Okay realtalk how long do we have left, I don't want the series to end yet? We're solidly in the second half by now but it's not, like, ABOUT to end yet

75. Katoh would be a Knight meister, based on what characters she likes to play in games and such

76. How many people in the whole exorcism cram school? More than you think! She doesn't give a number but apparently licensed exorcists also attend classes for new meisters, etc, so there's a wide age range attending

77. How's Arthur feel about, like, studying Taming on the way to becoming Paladin? He's at least mostly accepted that you have to use demons to fight demons effectively

78. Konekomaru started wearing glasses in his first year of middle school, so like 7th grade (more recent than I thought!) He has one spare pair, in contrast to Yukio lol

79. Katoh's current obsessions? Ghost/scary stories! She's even been going to live readings of them recently

80. Media Katoh consumes for inspiration? A wide range of foreign teen drama, horror/suspense, shojo manga, light novels, anime, etc. Special focus on things where two boys are in conflict or there are brothers involved

81. If they weren't exorcists what jobs would they have? Rin - chef. Yukio - doctor. Shiemi - uh, florist?

82. Inspiration for the design of True Cross Town? Katoh and her assistants gathered up a bunch of references, picked out stuff they felt matched the tone, and mashed them all up together

83. Did you use any references etc for the school/exorcist uniforms? She says she probably should have but she just kind of made them up before publication

84. Favorite part of drawing? For color pages, picking out a color scheme. For black and white, drawing in all the little details (though she doesn't always get time to lately)

85. Once again confirms the demon kings' weird hair is a representation of their horns. ADDS THAT PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SEE DEMONS CAN'T SEE THE WEIRD HAIR

86. Now that Yukio's at the Illuminati, where's he gonna get his Jump SQ and spare glasses? Well he probably never planned to stay for long, but hey it's a big ship and they might have an optometrist and/or newsstand there

87. Do you base the demon characters on any references etc? Not really, she just gets a general idea of popular demon designs and then makes up her own in her own style

88. Merchandise Katoh personally wants to have made: stuff that an adult could just use in their day to day life. Also, it's not gonna happen, but if her favorite figure brand made AoEx figures she could die happy

89. If Beelzebub's host body was a beautiful woman, how would Shima react? Would the womanizing win out over the bug phobia? Katoh replies that Shima would probably just faint from being near a girl that pretty, before the bugs even got involved

90. Will the twins ever get to smile and eat dinner together again?? We'll just have to wait and see!

91. What do you check at a "scenario check"? what's a scenario check man I dunno They check for people being out of character or the setting feeling off. They had a lot of these checks for the anime, but they also do them for the drama CD, games, and all that other stuff where multiple authors are involved

92. Why does Shura use baldy as an insult for people who are clearly not bald? She feels like they have some kind of metaphorical, mental kind of "baldness" and she's calling them out on it. Whatever that means

93. After Blue Exorcist ends, what do you want to draw next? She has SO MANY IDEAS, SO MANY

94. Did Katoh make up the Shinto chants that, for example, Izumo used against Gedouin? They're assembled from bits of actual Shinto prayers according to what feels right in the scene

95. Yukio reads the Jump SQ, right, and, just hear me out here, he likes gag manga, right? Does this mean he reads Salaryman Yukio? It's something he would read, but let's say that in the AoEx universe there's just a very similar manga that he finds oddly relatable

96. What do Yukio and Shima do in their free time on the Dominus Liminus? oh my god you guys this ship has so many amenities.  Yukio probably spends time reading in the library, which they totally have. There's also, like, a gym, and a movie theater, and a THEATER theater, all of which are free. Shima probably hangs out at the pool (!) and goes to the movies, and hits on illuminati girls, lol

97. Easiest character to draw? The ones with boring simple hair, lol. Lightning gets an honorable mention for ALSO not having eyes in most shots, but Rin wins--he was specifically designed to be easy for Katoh to draw because that's what you want in your main character

98. How do demons understand gender? They just possess whatever feels like the best match to how they feel in Gehenna, whether that's a man, or a woman, or a rat, or whatever

99. Where do you start when you're coming up with a story? She starts with character design and how the characters relate to each other. Currently she's just continuing an existing story, so she works on splitting up the overall plot into episodes and fleshing it out with scenes and information about characters

100. When do you feel most happy? She honestly feels like she lives a very happy life overall. Mentions noticing a lot of little things, like how nice her cats' heads smell when she cuddles them or taking a nice cold refreshing drink of water. There's happiness in everything. aww.