#MAXX IS A GENIUS

[encryptedlunacy]

He will never be elegant but he will always be mine...

[tonyjalapeno]

literally had to call my mum today to tell her about the dsmp nuke ending being retconned. she was so happy. I was living with her during quarantine while the dsmp was being streamed and after EVERY STREAM I would explain in detail the shit that happened. she's seen every sadist animatic and thousands of peices of fanart. she KNOWS ctommy. she's listened to me get angry about plotholes and discourse and she knew how pissed I was about the nuke ending. she was there THE WHOLEEE TIME my 3 lives theory was being slowly implemented. I told her about the "I have 1 life left and I intend to use it in the best way I can" line and she just said "that was for you!! he's living it for you!!" and ended the call saying how happy she was for me. literally shed a tear in TK Maxx. I love my mum she's a certified dsmp lore expert and genius

[shaunamilfman]

Cowboy Like Me

Summary: You've seen a lot of things in the six months you've worked at Tj Maxx. A lot. What you've never seen is the so-called 'Tj bandit' that your boss insists has walked off with hundreds of dollars of merchandise. You've got a vested interest in keeping the bandit free, given that they provide the perfect scapegoat for your own crimes.

OR

You can't say that you've ever spent a lot of time thinking about the elusive Lottie Matthews, but after a chance meeting in the parking lot of a Tj Maxx she just wont leave your mind.

A/N: another long fic im afraid. enjoy!

You yawn silently into your arm, desperately trying to hide the motion. You've been sitting in a meeting with your boss for the last half hour and you honestly can't remember anything past the first five minutes of it. You sneak a glance at the rest of your coworkers and are relieved to find them in a similar state of disarray. 

He'd stuck you in yet another meeting about the so-called 'Tj bandit', a name he believed to be absolute artistic genius; A name that the rest of you made fun of behind his back, and sometimes to his face. He never seemed to catch on, or maybe he just didn't care. You certainly didn't. 

You held the Tj bandit at a higher level of importance than your coworkers do, but you were readily willing to accept an easy scapegoat for your own crimes. The main benefit that drew you to this job was for the discount: the five finger discount, to be exact. 

Sure, you could get a job somewhere else, but most of your paycheck would have ended up being spent here anyways. You weren't particularly concerned with catching the Tj bandit, you were rather grateful for how easy they made it for you to rob the place with basically no repercussions. 

You weren't sure why your boss decided that all of these thefts were attributed to one super thief, but he never struck you as a particularly intelligent man. Maybe he had his reasons, maybe he didn't. You didn't get paid enough to care in all honesty. 

… 

You pull the cart behind you lazily, monotonously pulling items off it to stock on the racks. Once you'd been here long enough stocking things in the right areas became a matter of muscle memory more than anything else. You glance up at the sound of plastic hangers scraping against each other, hoping someone wasn't going to ask you to check in the back. 

You look at Lottie Matthews curiously, wondering what she of all people would be doing shopping at a Tj Maxx. She's holding a pretty pink blouse up to the light for inspection and startles nervously when she sees you watching her. You give her your very best customer service smile and she gives you a quick uncomfortable smile in response. 

You get back to stocking and finally finish the cart, and with that your four hour shift; Coincidentally, a shift just long enough that your boss wasn't required to give you a lunch break. Go figure. You head back to the break room to grab your stuff and discreetly pop the security tags off your brand new jacket, tossing the tags in the box with the rest of them. 

You fold the jacket over your arm as you walk out, all of your coworkers none the wiser. You wave at your boss before stepping out, using the door to hide your smug grin. You hum along quietly to a song that's been stuck in your head, twirling your car keys around your finger. 

You look around as you reach your car and watch in awe as the Lottie Matthews, sole heir of the richest family in Wiskayok, untucks her shirt from her skirt to pull out an eight dollar blouse that she's clearly stolen. 

You drop your car keys in shock, unable to believe what you've just witnessed. She glances over with a guilty expression, eyes going wide when they land on your Tj Maxx lanyard. You awkwardly wave your fingers in her direction and she takes it as a sign to walk towards you. You practically dive in your car and nearly jump the curve in your haste to get the hell out of there. 

What. The. Fuck. You think. 

… 

You hide your wide eyed look into your locker, desperately trying to seem nonchalant. You finally manage to school your face into something sufficiently neutral as you sneak another glance over your shoulder. Yep, Lottie's still there. Still leaning against her locker and just staring at you from across the hall. 

You've caught her doing it a lot lately ever since you caught her stealing from your job. She keeps trying to talk to you the second that you're alone, so you've started following Nat around like she's the second coming of Jesus to avoid her. You wouldn't mind talking to her if you knew why she wanted to talk to you. 

Was she going to beg you to keep it to yourself? Was she going to threaten you into silence? Not knowing was the worst part of all of it. Normally you'd just leave a note in her locker to tell her that you really didn't give a shit, but you knew if you took a single step towards her locker she'd be on you just like that. 

Prior to the 'incident', as you've been referring to it in your head, you couldn't honestly say whether Lottie Matthews even knew who you were. She's always been one of those really pretty girls who were popular without ever really trying, despite you never really seeing her talk to anyone else. You'd been to a few of her parties, there wasn't really anything else to do in this town on a Saturday night, but you can't say that you've ever really thought of her much before the incident either. 

"What are you doing?" You hear an amused sounding voice behind you ask. You jump and curse quietly as you smack your head on your locker. 

"God damn it, Natty." You complain, whirling around and rubbing your head painfully with your hand. 

"Oh, no." She draws out dramatically. "You really didn't have any brain cells to spare." She holds her hand over her mouth in feigned horror. 

"Didn't really have any brain cells to spare." You mimic in a high pitched mocking tone, slamming your locker shut and walking off down the hall. "Bitch," You mutter quietly. Nat laughs as she speeds up to catch up with you. She throws her arm over your shoulder and playfully pulls you against her. 

"Don't be like that, Y/N." She says with a grin. You roll your eyes, and sigh loudly. "What's Lottie staring at you for, anyways?" She asks. You laugh softly and turn to face her excitedly. 

"Between you and me?" You ask. 

She rolls her eyes fondly. "Always." She promises, shifting uncomfortably at the attention. 

"Okay." You say, clapping your hands together. "So the other day I saw Lottie at work right?" 

"Lottie Matthews shops at Tj Maxx?" Nat interrupts incredulously. 

"That's not even the best part," You lean in and murmur in her ear. "I caught her shoplifting on the way out." Nat's eyes widen in shock, her lips forming a crooked grin. 

"You caught Lottie Matthews shoplifting?" She asks. You nod wildly. "Have some competition, do we?" You shush her, glancing around to see if anyone is listening. 

"Make fun of my shoplifting all you want but we both know who got you that jacket you're wearing." You tease. She shrugs, conceding the point. 

"Is that what she's been following you about? Guess she'll get a chance at practice later." She says. Your eyes narrow in confusion and you shoot her a questioning look. Her grin falls and she fidgets a bit, looking uncharacteristically unsure. "Said you'd drive me home, remember?" 

"I'll just find ano-" She starts. You place a hand on her arm, interrupting her. 

"Just forgot." You promise. 

She grins. "Suppose you'll see me later, then. And your new best friend Lottie." She teases as she separates from you to head into her own class. You shake your head exasperatedly as you do the same. 

As you watch them practice you can’t help but wonder. If this is the state championship soccer team, what the fuck do the rest of them look like? It was undeniably a shitshow. As Lottie trips over her feet for the third time since practice began Jackie runs up to her on the verge of yelling to help her back up. They have a long and tense conversation as the rest of the girls stand awkwardly around the field. Tai herself looks like she’s on the verge of walking over there and giving Lottie another talking to as well. You and Nat make eye contact as she gives you a confused and exasperated look as she keeps glancing back and forth between you and Lottie. You shrug your shoulders in confusion. 

Sure, Lottie had been fucking up in practice all afternoon because she couldn’t take her eyes off of you, but you really weren’t sure how that was your fault. Maybe she’d tripped for the third time right after you had taken your jacket off, but surely it was just a coincidence. You eye her long legs thoughtfully: maybe she’s just clumsy? It was definitely a lot of leg to have to keep track of. They certainly distracted you often enough, why should Lottie be any different. You nod slowly, deciding that must be why. You look back up from your homework as the whistle blows again,  signifying that practice has resumed. 

You see Jackie Taylor staring at you curiously, eyes narrowed slightly. You wave awkwardly and go searching through your bag for your calculator. You think you might wait for Nat in your car next time, this seems to be more trouble than it’s worth. 

… 

You’re leaning against your locker a few days later talking to Nat when Jackie approaches you. “Hey,” She says brightly, extending her hand for you to shake. You eye it wearily before slowly extending your own to meet it. “I was just wondering how you knew Lottie? You know, since you kept distracting her at practice?” She says pointedly. You shrug helplessly, tinged with a bit of exasperation. Why is everyone assuming you’re the Lottie whisperer?

"Well, listen here El capitan. Captain my captain," You start. 

"I'm not your captain." Jackie interrupts. 

"Captain not my captain," You continue to Nats crooked grin and muffled laughter. "I would promise not to, but I really don't know what her deal even is. Scout's honor."

Jackie eyes you suspiciously. "You weren't a girl scout." She concludes. You hold your hands out placatingly and nod in agreement.

"Mm, no. I wanted to go camping but apparently only the boy scouts did cool shit." You acknowledge. "I went to that first meeting though so it definitely counts." Jackie sighs in exasperation and shares a commiserating look with Shauna as if to say 'you see what I'm dealing with?', and the two of them walk off together. 

"Oh my god," You loudly whisper to Nat in feigned excitement. "I can't believe that the Jackie Taylor just talked to me! I'm never gonna wash this hand again!" You hear a quick snort of laughter from Jackie's ever present shadow, that quickly gets muffled at the offended look Jackie sends her. 

Jackie turns and gives you an assessing look. You grin playfully at her and shoot her a quick wink. She rolls her eyes but you can see the quirk of her lips as she turns back around to talk to Shauna. As you turn back to Nat you can see Lottie Matthews watching you from her locker just out of the corner of your eye. 

She's been doing that a lot lately, and it was really starting to make you paranoid. You had no idea how someone so fucking tall could sneak around the school like that. Maybe, You thought. It was easy when no one was looking for you. 

You felt an undeniable pang of sadness at the thought and turn fully to her to force eye contact. Her eyes widen slightly at the move and she has an unsure and hesitant look on her face, but still she doesn't back down as she meets you head on. She starts to blush the longer you stare lazily at her, the corner of your lip quirked up in a wry grin. 

You nod in acceptance of Lottie's win as Nat finally tugs you away to your car. You watch as Lottie's expression slowly turns smug, her lips forming a smirk as you walk off. Fuck, has she been this hot the whole time? You wonder. 

… 

You wave unenthusiastically at your boss as you walk out of work, zipping your jacket up higher as a rush of cold air greets you. You rub your hands together for warmth on the walk over to your car. You search through your pockets with numb fingers to find your keys when you hear the sound of someone clearing their throat. You startle at the action, glancing up in panic. Right in front of you is Lottie Matthews leaning against the door of your car. Seems like she finally got tired of you avoiding her then.

"Returning to the scene of the crime, huh?" You joke. Lottie continues to stare at you, looking utterly unimpressed. "Tough crowd." You mutter. This, of all things, is what finally makes her laugh. You grin brightly at her, happy to have finally broken the facade. You hold your keys up pointedly. “Talk if you want,” You promise, “But can it be with the heater?” She hums in agreement and pushes herself off the driver side door and rounds the car to the passenger seat quicker than you’d previously thought possible for her.

You shut the door hard behind you, turning the key and starting the heater as quickly as you can. You can hear the sound of the passenger side handle catching as Lottie sends you a betrayed look. You snicker quietly as you lean over and pop the door for her. “Handles busted.” You explain.

“Oh.” She says softly as she slides into her seat. You watch with amusement as she shifts uncomfortably in the seat trying to find somewhere to put her legs. Nat was typically the one riding in your passenger seat, so it was clearly too far forward for her. She finally gives up and starts feeling under the seat for the lever, quickly pushing the seat back. She looks oddly proud of herself as she finally manages to get comfortable in your car, finally turning to look at you. “Hey,” She says.

“Look. I’m not going to sic the police on you if this is what this is about, Lottie.” You say. “I really don’t get paid enough to care, promise.” She tilts her head to the side in an imitation of confusion.

“The police?” She asks, as if bewildered. Your eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion. 

“Y’know? Because of the shoplifting?” You say slowly. She looks over at you, extremely confused.

“What shoplifting?” She asks. You scoff. Is this how she’s going to play it?

“That shirt you stole? The one you stuffed down your shirt?” You ask.

“Oh, no I paid for that.” She says with a giggle. She leans forward and murmurs conspiratorially, “Just didn’t have anywhere else to keep it. You know how it is.” She shrugs, as if it really is that obvious. You watch her in utter disbelief, mind running a mile a minute as you try to figure out her angle. Surely no one could be this stupid? She had to be pretending, you knew that much. On the other hand, you knew that had you not seen the expression on her face when she caught you watching her you would have fallen for her stupid rich girl act hook, line, and sinker. 

The longer you stare at her in silence the more unsure she seems to get. She watches you in wide eyed confusion, expression making her seem much younger than she is. She’s really good at it, but you knew her type; In fact, you were her type. You’d learned that playing dumb helps you get away with things so much easier than just flat out lying. It must be easy when you looked like she did. You think, eyes glancing over her again. She had such a natural innocent look, soft wavy hair and big brown eyes. 

You’ve never considered Lottie Matthews to be particularly manipulative, but the proof was obvious in the pout that graced her face. You were in awe as you watched a master at work. Lottie was more intelligent than you’d given her credit for, probably more intelligent than most people gave her credit for. You gave her an approving nod. “Sure.” You say, “If that’s what you want.”

She nods slowly, seemingly unsure if this is really a victory or not. “If you're not here for that, then what are you doing here?” You ask.

She grins shyly at you as she nervously fidgets with the ends of her hair. “Needed a ride home.” She lies, “Knew you worked here after the other day.” You scoff but pull your car out of the parking lot regardless to take her home. The two of you talk for the twenty minute drive back, and you find yourself more enamored with her than you’ve ever been with anyone else before. She extracts a promise from you in your driveway to hang out again, and you easily agree. You wonder if she’d set out in that parking lot to get you under her thumb like that, but you remember back to her soccer practice and think you might just have that effect on each other.

… 

“You have to say that, Natty.” You accuse, pointing a fry in Nat’s direction. Nat scoffs in offense while Lottie looks on with an amused look on her face.

“What’s that supposed to mean, L/N?” Nat asks expectantly, feigning an angry look. You can’t help but smile. She looks like an angry racoon.

“Just that,” You start, then stare down at your empty hand in realization. You give her a look of disbelief. “Did you seriously just eat my fry?” You ask. She gives you a strange look and shakes her head, making you roll your eyes. She makes a show of looking for the fry before shrugging. The corners of her lips are noticeably twitching. You turn to Lottie to complain when you notice her pinching the fry between two fingers as she eats it.

“Traitor,” You whisper in absolute shock, making her burst out laughing. This seems to finally break Nat’s cool girl facade as well as she laughs so hard she’s tearing up. You fake a betrayed expression as you look back and forth between them, sending Lottie into hysterics. You don’t have to fake your slightly confused look, not quite sure what was funny. She clutches onto your arm as she laughs and you have to stop yourself from tensing in shock. She’d never touched you before but you could totally be cool about it. No big deal, really. Friends touch each other all the time.

You exhale loudly as you turn back to your fries, figuring you’d just let them get it out of their systems. As they start to calm down Lottie reaches down to grab another fry off of your tray, you watch her hand with narrowed eyes but ultimately let her take some. Nat gives you a curious look for a long moment, before reaching forward to grab a fry of her own. You swat her hand away in offense. She scoffs, rolling her eyes as she looks accusingly between the two of you.

“Some bullshit,” She mutters, crossing her arms back over her chest. 

“Anyways,” You say, giving her a long look. “You have to say that because you’re my best friend.”

“Oh, come on Y/N. You know I would have told you it was shit if I thought that.” Nat argues. Which, you will admit, is an incredibly good point. Nat had hurt your feelings more than once with her sometimes brutal honesty, but it was a quality that you greatly admired about her all the same.

“She’s right, Y/N. I thought it was really good.” Lottie adds. You nod slowly, deep in thought. You’d been mulling over your college applications for weeks now, continually fine tuning your essay. You were glad to have Lottie to complain about it with, as none of your other friends really showed all that much interest in it. You knew Nat wasn’t all that interested in college and was mostly just waiting to see how Nationals went recruiting wise. 

“Think I should send it in, then?” You ask.

“They’d be stupid not to take you.” Nat says teasingly, “Can’t have a nerd school without the nerds.” You sigh, sharing an amused look with Lottie. She squeezes your hand gently as she laces your fingers together. You just try not to blush.

…

You exhale loudly, leaning your hair against the top of the wheel with your fingers tapping anxiously against your thighs. You and Lottie had been hanging out a lot in the last couple weeks, more than you and Nat ever had despite still considering her your best friend. When you brought that up to Nat, unsure if you were upsetting her or not, she just started laughing hysterically till she finally managed to tell you it was “so cool with her” through uncontrollable fits of laughter; You still weren't sure what that was about, to be totally honest. Still, in all that time you hadn't been brave enough to accept Lottie's multiple offers to sleep over at her house. That was, of course, until now. 

You check through your bag one more time to make sure you packed everything, knowing full well that it was just an excuse to put it off for a moment longer. Gathering all of your courage you finally get out of the car, throwing your bag over one shoulder haphazardly. You lock the car and look up the drive only to find Lottie Matthews leaning against the doorway staring down at you looking charmed. You give her a lazy wave as you begin the trek up her driveway. You were sure it had probably served as a runway at one point, or at least it should've. 

“You sure took a while,” She says playfully with just a hint of a smile at your expense. You shrug in response, she'd caught you red handed on that one. She gently grabs your hand and pulls you upstairs after her. You'd been to Lottie's house a few times before, but you couldn't help from being in awe from the sheer size of it as you followed behind her. 

She gestures vaguely to the floor of her room and says, “You can just leave it anywhere.” You hesitate in the doorway as you shift on the balls of your feet awkwardly. 

“Oh? Are we both going to be sleeping in your bed?” You ask unsurely. 

Lottie turns to face you, tilting her head to the side in an expression of confusion. “Where else would we sleep, Y/N?” She asks innocently, but she can't hide the way her lips twitch slightly at the edges. You sigh. Not this again. 

“I'm just surprised you'd give up room in your bed.” You say, giving her a quick glance up and down. “Seems like there's already a shortage of it.” She gasps dramatically in offense as she sits down on the edge of her bed. 

“You'd come to my house just to make fun of me?” She asks. 

“Why else would I come here?” You ask, dropping your bag haphazardly on the ground. “Oh!” You say suddenly, as if deep in thought. “I remember now. You agreed to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre with me.”

Lottie forces a smile as she lies through her teeth. “Yep. Looking forward to it.” You snicker at just how unenthusiastic she sounded. You knew she hated horror movies with a burning passion, mostly because she was such a scaredy-cat. Still, she'd agreed to watch it as your price of entry and you were planning to milk it for all it was worth. 

It's not everyday that an excuse to have such a pretty girl climbing all over you falls into your lap like that, after all. 

Lottie lets out a horrified gasp as she tries to climb even further into your lap. She gave up on watching and buried her head in your neck about 10 minutes ago, but it seems that even the sound effects are getting to her. You chuckle softly as you rub soothing circles into her back. “Don't laugh at me.” She whines, pulling her head away to visibly pout at you. 

She’d started the movie full of unearned confidence given that nothing particularly scary happened in the beginning. She’d actually turned to you and said, “I don’t think this is really all that scary, Y/N.” You tried valiantly to muffle your laughter, knowing it would come back to bite her later on.

You're about to respond when the sound of a chainsaw revving fills the air and Lottie makes a squeaking noise as she dives for cover again. This time you can't stop yourself from bursting out laughing, and even Lottie giggles a bit at it. “You're such a wimp.” You accuse teasingly. Lottie makes a sputtering noise but doesn't try to deny it. You look down fondly at the top of Lottie’s head at the sight of her hair getting messier by the moment as she keeps pressing herself further into your shoulder

You finally decide to have mercy on her and reach for the remote to turn it off. She peeks out of your shoulder with a faint blush on her face, trying to appear unaffected. “I was watching that.” She complains, without any actual force. You snicker and gesture vaguely to the cabinet full of VHS tapes.

“Go pick a movie you actually want to watch.” You say. “I’ve had my fun.” Her grin splits her face as she jumps up to the cabinet. You stand up gingerly and go and rewind the tape while she’s sorting through her movies. You smile softly as you can hear the faint sounds of her humming as she does so. After a long moment she turns and holds her movie out proudly. You give it a cursory glance, sure that you already know what it is. You sigh.

“Breakfast club, again?” You ask listlessly. Lottie, of course, picked The Breakfast Club for at least half of all of her movie picks. She gives you a smug look as she hands it over. You have a feeling that she’s chosen it this time in an act of revenge.

“Y/N?” Lottie asks softly. You try not to visibly react to it as you're much too comfortable laying with your head on her shoulder feigning sleep. “Y/N.” She draws out. “I know you’re awake.” You stubbornly keep your breathing even as you try not to react. She laughs softly and blows a stream of air into your face making you crinkle your nose in annoyance. 

“Got you!” She says smugly, pulling on your arm a little. You’re still pretending to be asleep so she ends up pulling you a lot further than she meant to, sending you sprawling across her lap. That’s what finally gets you scrambling to your feet. You clear your throat awkwardly and Lottie avoids your eyes as her face burns red. 

“Guess we should get to sleep, huh?” You ask. Lottie nods quickly and leads you up to her bathroom. You sit awkwardly on her bed after brushing your teeth, unsure of the logistics of sharing Lottie’s bed. She walks out of the bathroom and rolls her eyes at the sight of you. She lies down gracefully next to you and tugs at your shirt to get you to lie down. You decide just to let her maneuver you as you lay down, not that it would have stopped her anyways. She pulls your back up against her chest and wraps her arm around your waist. 

“This okay?” She asks quietly into your ear. You blush at the feeling.

“Yeah.” You stutter out. She makes a contented sound and pulls you closer against her. This is going to be a long night. You think idly as you close your eyes.

…

You’re in the middle of what looks to be a long and draining shift when you see her heading into the changing rooms. You wave at Lottie with a big grin on your face and she waves back. You make sure to fold shirts extra slowly so you can still be there when she’s finished trying on clothes. You're more than ready to abandon the pretense of working when you hear the lock click open, but you can’t help but notice how shifty she seems. You watch her for a long moment, trying to see what seems off when it clicks suddenly: the clothes are gone with not even a hanger to show for them.

Your face falls slightly at the realization and you look around to see if anyone else saw it. The cameras had been busted for months, your boss far too cheap to replace them, so you weren’t all that worried about being caught that way. No, you were far more upset that she wouldn’t be able to stick around. You look back at her to see her sitting there staring at you with a slightly curious look on her face. You get the feeling that she’s testing you, but you’re not sure what for. You nod slowly at her and shrug as you get back to folding shirts. You don’t look back up from them even as you hear slow and hesitant footsteps move past you and out the door.

“Hey,” Lottie says, fidgeting from foot to foot behind you. You hum in acknowledgement, sparing her a quick smile as you don’t take your eyes away from the book in your hand. English started in ten minutes and you still hadn’t finished the reading. She sighs in exasperation and reaches forward to gently pluck the book from your hand. She flips the book over to see the title before smiling at you. “Little last minute, huh?” She asks. You reach your hand out for it but she moves it further away.

“Daisy runs a guy over, it's a metaphor for the American dream. You’ll do fine.” She says. You give her a wry smile.

“Is there something you’d rather talk about, Lottie?” You ask sarcastically.

“About last night,” She starts.

“You mean, when you blatantly stole something right in front of me?” You interrupt.

She makes a shushing sound as she glances around anxiously. You snicker. “Like anyone would believe that Lottie Matthews is stealing from Tj Maxx.” You tease in a loud whisper. “You’d just bat your eyelashes at them anyways.”

She smiles prettily, tilting her head to the side in an expression of confusion. “Are you saying you’re immune?” She asks softly. You shake your head.

“What are you going to do about it, then?” She asks, a little more serious. You shrug.

“Nothing? I guess. I don’t really care, Lottie.” You say. You glance around quickly before admitting, “I stole this jacket too. I’m not one to judge.” Lottie gasps dramatically, leaning back to scrutinize the jacket.

“Didn’t realize I was friends with a criminal.” She says playfully, fingers tugging at the lapels of your jacket. “You’re such a bad influence.”

You scoff. “You were robbing Tj Maxx blind long before me, Ms. Tj Bandit.” You accuse.

She actually laughs at this leaning forward to pull you in a hug. She pulls back a moment later, hands resting on your shoulders. “Tj Bandit?” She asks curiously. You blush slightly.

“Oh, it’s just something that my boss calls you.” You say. Her face lights up.

“I have a criminal alias?” She asks, tapping her fingers on your shoulders excitedly as she bounces slightly on the balls of her feet. Her excitement is contagious and you can’t help but smile in response. You're close enough to Lottie’s face to see the intense way her eyes follow the curve of your lips. She starts to lean forward just as the first bell goes off. You laugh nervously as you finally snatch your book back.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” You warn, trying to break the tension.

“Too late.” She says, pulling you into another quick hug. “I’ll see you at my party later, right?” You just smile in response before heading down the hallway.

…

“Oh, really?” Shauna asks distractedly, head turned to the side to look at Jackie who's being animatedly talked to by Mari in the distance. Talked to being the keyword as she looks bored out of her mind, not that Shauna seems to notice. You and Nat share an amused look as you both try to muffle your laughter. Neither of you have spoken in the last five minutes as you've been waiting to see how long Shauna would keep responding before she realized she was talking to herself. 

“That's crazy.” Shauna agrees aimlessly. This is what finally sets you and Nat off in peels of laughter. Shauna jumps slightly in shock as she looks back at the two of you. She fakes a chuckle, not really sure what was funny but this only makes the two of you laugh harder as you lean against each other for balance. She looks between the two of you a little unsurely as she smiles awkwardly. 

You're about to reassure her when you feel arms wrap around your stomach from behind. “Hey,” Lottie says quietly in your ear. 

She rests her head on your shoulder. “What's so funny?” She asks the group. Shauna herself looks interested in the answer as well. 

“Shauna just made the funniest joke.” Nat says, shooting you a smug grin. “Tell her, Shipman.” Shauna's eyes go wide as she sputters slightly trying to think of a joke. With her big brown eyes gone wide in panic she truly looks like a deer in the headlights. Just as she's seemed to settle on something to say she's saved by Jackie calling her over. She shrugs as if inconvenienced but hurries back to Jackie's side to escape the conversation. 

Lottie makes a confused noise against your ear. “Was it something I said?” She asks cluelessly. She pouts as you and Nat share a look and shake your heads. She lets go of you to take a few steps back and you turn to face her. “We're gonna play spin the bottle.” She says. 

“Spin the bottle?” You ask in disbelief. “What are we, 12?” Lottie shrugs, but doesn't look all that put off about it. 

“It was Jackie's idea.” She admits. 

“I bet it was.” Nat says wryly. You turn to look over at Jackie to see her fussing over a faintly blushing Shauna as she corrals her over to a group of people gathering around a bottle. You and Nat share another look as you both silently agree to leave, but Lottie grabs you both by the arm. 

“Please?” She asks, pouting down at Nat. You watch the way Nat softens and gives in almost immediately. Nat turns to glare at you as you quickly hide your shit-eating grin. You don't even bother to look over at Lottie as you make your way over to the group. 

You plop down gracelessly next to Tai who looks just about as happy to be there as you do. You weren't super familiar with Nat's teammates, but she drags you around enough that you know them by name. You watch curiously as she shoots an annoyed look at a pleased looking Van. Ah, you think. She's been dragged here too. 

“Okay!” Jackie says excitedly as she claps her hands together. “You know how this works so I'll go first.”

“How big of you Jackie,” Nat says sarcastically. Jackie chooses to ignore the remark as she leans forward to spin the bottle. The bottle finally comes to a stop at Laura Lee. You fight hard to resist the urge to laugh at the visibly disappointed look on her face as she leans forward to press a chaste kiss against a blushing Laura Lee. The urge becomes even stronger at the jealous look on Shauna's face. You cover your mouth with your hand as you look over at Lottie, her eyes alight with mirth. 

You watch as the next few people go until it finally gets to you. You reluctantly lean forward to spin it, watching as it slowly comes to a stop in front of Nat. Her eyes go wide as she glances between you and the bottle in disbelief. 

“Yes!” You cheer. “Pucker up Scatorccio!” She makes a noise of protest but stays still as you lean forward to kiss her. Her lips part slightly in surprise and you take the opportunity to deepen the kiss to the sound of the cheers in the background. You pull away after a long moment with a smug grin as you look at Nat. 

She's blushing to her ears and her eyes are wide with shock. “Nat?” You ask teasingly. She just shakes her head and looks down at the ground. You fall back in your spot on the floor laughing, but stop suddenly when Lottie gets up and storms off. “Lottie?” You call out, but she just waves you off as she keeps walking. 

Tai reaches forward for the bottle just as you hurry to your feet and walk after Lottie. Van boos loudly at you but you just flick her off. “Lottie?” You call out again. She doesn't answer but you can hear sniffling coming from the kitchen. 

“Lottie.” You say softly as you walk in. She's not actively crying but you can tell from her red eyes that you'd just missed it. “Hey, what's wrong?” You ask. She laughs wetly with a darkly amused grin. 

“No guesses?” She asks. You frown. 

“Is this about Nat?” You ask.

She just sighs in response. “That's not fair.” You complain in a whine. “We didn't want to play in the first place, remember?”

Lottie softens considerably as she reaches her arms out. You step forward and let her gently fold you in her arms. You rest your head against her chest and breathe in the scent of her perfume. “What’s up with you today?” You ask softly, nestling your head further into her chest. She laughs quietly at herself, rubbing gently at your back with one hand.

“Got jealous.” She admits, steadfastly returning  your eye contact as you look up at her. 

“Jealous of who?” You ask quietly, more to yourself than anything. You pause. “Jealous of Nat?”

“You say it like it's a ridiculous idea.” She says.

“But she's my best friend. My Nat.” You say simply.

“What am I, then?” Lottie asks, looking uncharacteristically unsure.

“My partner in crime.” You tease, sneaking a quick glance at her sweater. You’d know the winter collection anywhere. Lottie looks a little disappointed but nods stiffly and lets go of you. “Maybe.” You add. “Maybe I want to kiss you sometimes, too. If that's okay with you.” Lottie smiles joyfully in response, and the rapid change in her expression nearly gives you whiplash.

Lottie leans down to kiss you and you step up on your toes to meet her, reaching your arms up to wrap them around the back of her neck. You can still feel Lottie’s grin against your lips as she kisses you, her arms running down your sides to rest against your hips. She pulls you impossibly closer as you deepen the kiss with Lottie meeting you step for step. She backs you up blindly towards the counter, making you hiss in pain as it stabs into your back. With a few murmured apologies against your lips she moves her hands down the back of your thighs and helps lift you up to sit on the counter.

She gently cups your face with one hand as she quickly reconnects your lips again. You use your new position to wrap your legs around her hips, desperate to eliminate the distance between you. She gently strokes her thumb across your face as you break away to try to catch your breath. You intently watch the way her chest rises and falls in heavy breaths, eyes slowly moving up to focus on her swollen lips.

“Hi.” She says shyly with just a hint of a blush on her face. 

“Hi.” You say breathlessly as you reach a hand forward to rest on her chin, gently tilting it in the other direction. She lets you direct her curiously, her question being answered as you lean forward to press a gentle kiss against her neck. She makes a whiny noise in anticipation and you grin against her skin as you latch on to her neck after deciding she wasn’t leaving this room without a hickey or two.

“Y/N?” She asks softly later that night, just as you're on the verge of sleep. 

“Lot-tie” You murmur sleepily in response.

“I set it up earlier.” She admits quietly, a little nervous of your response. You slowly open your eyes as you give her a confused look. “Spin the bottle,” She clarifies. “I gave Jackie the idea because I wanted to kiss you.”

You don’t say anything in response and just close your eyes again. Lottie watches you in concern until she realizes that you're shaking in silent laughter. “Don’t laugh at me.” She whines, pulling you ever closer. You nestle your way back into her neck, breathing in deeply as you're surrounded by the smell of her shampoo. She sighs happily as you're finally allowed to drift off to sleep.

…

Nat gives you a deeply amused look at school on Monday as you walk in wearing the same outfit you wore to the party on Saturday, but you just wink at her as you fall into step next to Lottie. You’ve spent the entire car ride here trying to convince her to sneak off to a janitor's closet to make out, and you think you’ve almost made a breakthrough. As Lottie laces your pinkies together you can’t help the smug grin that adorns your face as she tugs you to a less occupied part of the school.

[ratherchaseamouse]

Rating (some of) the Il Sistina costumes!

1: Jerrie and Teazer

I’m a sucker for when M+R are absolutely identical so I love these! Teazer’s (left) wig looks a little off but other than that they look fantastic! 9/10 gender

2: Macavity

Not to be a 2019 hater but this is everything that Idris Elba Macavity tried to be. The drama, the camp, the mustache! it’s simultaneously very stupid looking and the coolest thing ever. T boy swag to the maxx 15/10

PS I’m in love with how there’s lights underneath his hat brim so you can see his face it’s genius

3: Jemima or Sillabub? I admit I don’t know which name is being used— both are on the wiki

She’s adorable! I love that they kept the magenta and black and white color scheme but completely reinvented the pattern. She looks like a little clown (that’s a compliment I like clowns), and the bangs on the wig are especially kitten-y. 12/10

4: Skimbleshanks

I think his song costume is absolutely flawless!! Love that they took inspiration from 2019 with the tapping. I think the wig looks a little out of proportion without the muttonchops and hat, but overall his chorus costume gives the effect of an awkward teenage Skimbleshanks IMO. Song costume gets a 2000/10 chorus gets 8/10

5: Gus and Jelly

The best pictures of them were together <3. Anyway I love how fluffy jelly is, she’s just all-around adorable. Best friend energy. Gus reminds me of my old cat Pepino who sadly passed away but was also a crotchety drama queen. The fabric on his coat and everything just makes him look so huggable. Both of them 12/10. As a matched set they are priceless.

6: mistoffelees

I LITERALLY CANNOT SAY A SINGLE NEGATIVE THING ABOUT HIM. THE MAKEUP THE BOWTIE THE FLUFFIES again sorry for hating on 2019 but he’s doing the tuxedo and top hat correctly. ♾/10 can’t be beat

I’ve got some more but my phone is begging me not to add any more images. I’ll put them in a reblog of this 👍

[maxxresz]

"The Discovery of America by Christopher Columbus" painted by Salvador Dali is one my all time favorites by him. Total Genius!! This is for the surrealist fans out there... Heyzuess Marimba by Maxx Resz

[chauvel]

And again I came with questions about Anti. Can you describe in general terms all the Anti characters that you have in AU? Their relationship with each other, with the world, views. If possible, then a little biography, is there a tragedy in them, or are they "evil" because it is necessary?

That sounds like it would be fun idea to explore!

I'll make a short post of each member of the suppression squad in my AU (what-if/post reboot) with a short description, maybe even a bit of backstory.

For now, here's a quick run down of each character:

Scourge: Selfish, brash, and one rude dude. Scourge joined the Suppression Squad because it granted him freedom to do (almost) whatever he wants.

Alicia: Arrogant, snobby, and the most feared princess in the world. A sadist at her very core. Her father, King Maxx, spoils her rotten.

Miles: An evil genius impressed by his own intellect. The most reliable member of the squad but his motives are not to be trusted.

Patch: A master swordsman who won't hesitate to rely on dirty tricks to win a fight. He detest Alicia's spoiled attitude, but despises his ex-wife even more.

Buns: A loud and outspoken gal with a foul mouth. Born with an illness, she was "saved" by replacing some of her limbs with a robotic arm and legs. She's often very vocal about her ex-husband, Patch.

Boomer: An expert at building deadly robots and weapons. Boomer often keeps to himself and his machines. Despite this, he's incredibly strong and shouldn't be underestimated in a fight.

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

The Phantom of the Opera, 1911

After the deceptions and illusions of the torture-chamber, the precision of the details of that quiet little middle-class room seemed to have been invented for the express purpose of puzzling the mind of the mortal rash enough to stray into that abode of living nightmare. The wooden bedstead, the waxed mahogany chairs, the chest of drawers, those brasses, the little square antimacassars carefully placed on the backs of the chairs, the clock on the mantelpiece and the harmless-looking ebony caskets at either end, lastly, the whatnot filled with shells, with red pin-cushions, with mother-of-pearl boats and an enormous ostrich-egg, the whole discreetly lighted by a shaded lamp standing on a small round table: this collection of ugly, peaceable, reasonable furniture, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OPERA CELLARS, bewildered the imagination more than all the late fantastic happenings.

And the figure of the masked man seemed all the more formidable in this old-fashioned, neat and trim little frame. 

Gaston Leroux was a comedic genius. look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t fucking funny. after all the fantastical bullshit that happens, you wake up in a living room full of TJ Maxx tchotchkes. tell me you wouldn’t absolutely lose your aesthetic shit in this situation. there’s LIVE LAUGH LOVE throw pillows up in this bitch.

[lurking-lilibeth]

It's gonna take me some time to get my posting rhythm back, but I'm planning to start playing again soon, so I might as well share screenshots that have been waiting since last winter.

We're picking week 4.1 back up at the Rutherford household. Jeoff and his partner Chastity are raising their daughter Piper with their butler Komei's help. Geoff's nephew Justin Cleveland currently lives in the guest bedroom. The family's three dogs, Maxx, Lady, and Rex, are thriving.

Stats:

Jeoff:

romance / popularity

virgo: 6/3/6/4/6

absent-minded, star quality, schmoozer, born salesperson, animal lover

LTW: become celebrity chef

+fit, +swimwear, -chubby

OTH: tinkering

career: adventure

partner: Chastity Gere

Chastity:

romance / knowledge

virgo: 6/3/6/4/6

loves the cold, star quality, ambitious, flirty, night owl

LTW: have 20 simultaneous lovers

+vampirism, +custom hair, -plantsimism

OTH: tinkering

career: entertainment

partner: Geoff Rutherford

Piper:

scorpio: 9/3/9/10/1

sailor, loves the heat, genius

OTH: games

Justin:

popularity / knowledge

taurus: 5/3/7/2/7

avant-garde, loves to swim, bot fan, lucky, brooding

LTW: become general

+logic skill, +creativity skill, -cleaning skill

OTH: tinkering

career: intelligence

partner: Tiffany Sampson

Komei:

wealth / pleasure

scorpio: 6/5/8/3/3

loser, good, mooch, neat, mean-spirited, proper, handy

LTW: own 5 top-level businesses

+brown hair, +body skill, -red hair

OTH: sports

career: live-in butler

Maxx:

large dog

male

hooman: Piper

personality: 1/2/1/2/3

career: security

Lady:

large dog

female

hooman: Geoff

personality: 2/3/2/2/1

career: show biz

Rex:

large dog

male

hooman: Geoff

personality: 2/3/1/2/3

[maxxphoenixv1]

The Northridge Angels Pitch Bible

Hello, all 3 people reading this. I’m Maxx, and this is my pitch for a special NSU legacy show. I’ve been thinking on this for a while and I finally got it! Have you ever heard of Kaizoku sentai gokaiger? Or Kamen Rider Decade? My pitch is gonna be like that. Here is my pitch for “The Northridge Angels”

Setting

Welcome to Northridge High School, the legendary institution of learning we've always heard about but never seen. Nestled in the Nickelodeon Sitcom Universe, it's the perfect stage for an extraordinary legacy show.

Premise

Meet KASEY CARSON, a seemingly ordinary high school girl. Since a mysterious incident years ago, she's been merely surviving rather than truly living. But when she crosses paths with four extraordinary humanoid ALIENS – REIKA, FURA, TERRYO, and ZAIRO – her world turns on its head. From navigating comedic high school antics to encountering iconic characters and locations from the Nickelodeon Sitcom Universe, this group of friends will experience a roller coaster ride of epic proportions.

 

 CHARACTERS

Kasey Carson (She/Her)

Northridge's antihero, Kasey Carson carries the mantle of the Nickelodeon Sitcom Universe’s first VILLAIN PROTAGONIST. Despite a hardened exterior resulting from past trauma, Kasey learns to open up with the help of her alien friends. Though her methods may occasionally court chaos, they serve her ultimate ambition. Imagine the cunning of Alex Russo paired with the unyielding determination of Billy Butcher.

Reika (They/Them)

Reika, a mermaid from Planet Syrenia, is a quirky chaos-enthusiast who leads the school's swim team. Reika's treasure-hunting skills and passion for theater add an extra layer of adventure to Kasey's life.

Fura (She/Her)

Fura, a fire fairy from Planet Lafahx, is the group's voice of reason. As captain of the debate team, she possesses a fiery spirit and an uncanny ability to drive the story forward through her persuasive arguments and unyielding commitment.

Terryo (He/Him)

Terryo is a laid-back earth elf from Planet Minera, with a modern hippie vibe. Despite his seemingly relaxed persona, he harbors a genius-level intellect, particularly in chemical science, making him an invaluable ally to Kasey and the gang.

Zairo (He/Him)

Zairo, a Nepele from Planet Aerophant, is the artistic soul of the group. As a sculptor and painter, his adventures often revolve around defending his art or seeking inspiration, constantly shaping the direction of the group's journey.

OTHERS

Principal Agogo(She/Her)

A true menace to society, Principal Agogo is a quintessential CHAOTIC NEUTRAL. She has a rather twisted view on reality. Basically, she’ll either help or hinder the group depending on how much chaos it would cause, because in her view, chaos is beautiful! At least to her it is.

Gibby (He/Him)

Gibby is the manager of the BIXBY, a rec center the group hangs out at outside. He often imparts sage advice from his own experience.

Storyline

Pilot: 1- “Northridge Bound”

The California night sky is lit by the blazing trail of four shooting stars. Their crashing arrival sets off a chain of rumors, with whispers of extraterrestrial activity. Six months later, a transfer student, Kasey, sets foot in Northridge High, oblivious to the cosmic spectacle that preceded her arrival.

Kasey’s first encounter at Northridge is a dramatic one. She steps in to aid Fura, who is being cornered by the notorious Northridge Girls. Despite Fura’s spirited resistance and insistence on using her debating skills to defuse the situation, Kasey's timely intervention turns the tide. The two form an unlikely friendship amidst the chaos.

In art class, Kasey and Fura are grouped with Zairo, an artist who finds his inspiration in the zaniest antics and seemingly nonsensical ramblings about 'listening to the wind.' Their adventures continue in an agriculture class, where they meet Terryo, a laid-back genius showing off his latest creation: a mutant plant.

Despite Fura's dire warning, referencing a parody of "Little Shop of Horrors," Terryo assures them this isn't a movie. Until the plant abruptly bites him. Kasey steps in, annihilating the plant to save Terryo. After the plant's explosive demise showers them with plant debris, Kasey suggests that Terryo could potentially match Quinn Pensky's genius, if he only planned more thoughtfully.

Cleaned up and back on their feet, they cross paths with Reika, the enigmatic swim team captain who invites them to the evening's swim meet. As Reika glides effortlessly through the water, Kasey spots something unusual about their technique. It's too fluid, too precise - almost inhuman. Reika's victory is resounding, yet something about it nags at Kasey.

A couple of hours later, Kasey finds herself back in the school, having forgotten her phone charger. As she retrieves it, she stumbles upon an unbelievable sight. Terryo, Zairo, and Fura, all reveal their true forms. And sitting in the pool is Reika, no longer sporting legs but a shimmering fishtail. Kasey is stunned, exclaiming in disbelief, "Reika's a mermaid?! Mermaids are real?!"

Caught red-handed, the group decides there's no point in hiding. They reveal their true identities fully. Kasey, while shocked, accepts the reality in front of her, promising to keep their secret. She senses that her new, extraordinary friends could provide unexpected benefits. Thus, an extraordinary friendship blossoms amidst the everyday chaos of high school life.

Episode 2: "Good Burger, Bad Intention" (Kenan and Kel Tribute Episode)

Kasey, realizing she needs a job, inspires her friends to consider the same. During their conversation, Principal Agogo (played by Lorraine Toussaint) casually mentions the grand opening of a new Good Burger in the local mall, featuring an appearance from Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchel who will be served a special meal. This news sparks a wicked plan in Kasey's mind.

She pitches an audacious scheme to her friends: they'll poison Kenan and Kel's special burgers. Kasey tasks Terryo with concocting a non-lethal but effective poison and a trace-removing spray. Reika, capable of shifting appearances, is to impersonate Kasey, providing a solid alibi. Zairo is assigned distraction duties. To Fura's curious question about the purpose of such an extreme plan, Kasey vaguely promises an explanation when the time is right. The only remaining piece of the puzzle: a trumpet.

The night falls, and the Northridge Angels stealthily infiltrate the mall and Good Burger. Kasey proceeds with her plan, contaminating the special burgers. The following day, as Kenan devours his burger, he is immediately struck by an intense stomachache and rushes off to the bathroom. There, Kasey, in disguise, blasts a trumpet in his face, switches off the lights, and delivers a violent surprise attack, triumphantly declaring, "Check snaps fingers mate!"

After the day's events, Principal Agogo leaves behind five job applications. Terryo secures a position as a security guard at BOTZ; Zairo finds work as a mall painter; Reika cleverly uses their abilities to land a gig as a professional mermaid; Fura gets hired at the mall's Pear Store as a Sales Associate, a position she finds ironic given her exclusive use of Cyborg technology. Kasey, on the other hand, scores a job at BIXBY.

Upon accepting the position, Kasey confidently assures her new employer, "Sir, you've just made the best decision of your life by hiring me." The manager responds with a bemused, "Gibby!"

Episode 3: "Party On The Brink" (UNFABULOUS Tribute Episode)

Kasey starts to find her stride at Bixby, earning praise from Gibby for her diligence. An unexpected challenge arises when Gibby entrusts her with the task of managing a children's birthday party during his absence. The birthday child in question is none other than the progeny of Addie Singer!

Tasked with ensuring the smooth execution of the party, Kasey hustles through the chaos single-handedly. Despite her determined efforts, she struggles to maintain control, leading to an escalation of her stress levels. Concerned, Reika, Terryo, Fura, and Zairo watch from the sidelines, wondering if they should intervene.

Addie, ever perceptive, eventually takes notice of Kasey's struggle. She gently pulls Kasey aside and offers a piece of motherly advice: "It's clear you're pushing yourself to the brink, and it's causing worry among your friends and colleagues. No task is too insignificant to ask for help. It's okay to reach out."

Moved by Addie's words, Kasey decides to share her burdens. With the assistance of her friends, she manages to transform the chaos into a memorable and joyous celebration. By the end of the day, Addie's child is beaming with happiness, having experienced the best birthday party ever.

Episode 4: "BOTZ After Dark"

A nod to the infamous game 'Five Nights at Freddy's', Terryo embarks on his new role as a night security guard at BOTZ. All is quiet until the once-friendly robots contract a malevolent virus, transforming them into unpredictable and aggressive automatons.

Night after night, the situation escalates, and the bots' hostility grows. Realizing the severity of the situation, Kasey and the rest of the Northridge Angels step in. With Kasey's black belt in karate and her friends' unique abilities, they battle the rogue robots, buying Terryo precious time to concoct an antivirus.

In the aftermath of the chaotic battle, Terryo successfully repairs the bots and injects the antivirus, restoring them back to their friendly selves. Despite the victory, Kasey is left wondering about the mysterious origins of the virus that nearly led to their undoing.

Episode 5: "Treehouse Remix"

In a hilarious homage to the award-winning 'Drake and Josh' episode, "Treehouse", Reika and Fura rush to the hospital, where they find Kasey, Zairo, and Terryo injured. The trio had been commissioned to build and decorate a treehouse but ended up trapping themselves inside. In a futile attempt to escape, they inadvertently cause the treehouse to collapse, leaving them bruised and battered.

Now, with the family's return only days away, they must find a way to replace and paint a new treehouse. As if in response to their dilemma, they come across a flyer advertising a tournament at the Gorilla Club. The prize? A prebuilt treehouse!

Realizing the solution to their problem, they enter the competition, only to discover it's a blend of intense debate battles interspersed with physical challenges. The competition is grueling, but with a combined effort, they clinch the victory and secure the prebuilt treehouse.

With a race against the clock, they manage to install and paint the treehouse just before the family arrives. However, in a twist of irony, the new treehouse collapses on the unsuspecting child. They shrug, figuring that the collapsed treehouse isn't their problem anymore.

Episode 6: "IMakeASplash" (First iCarly Tribute)

Reika receives an exciting challenge - to design special mermaid tails for an upcoming mermaid show. Recognizing Zairo's artistic prowess, they request his assistance. As they brainstorm and create, they unexpectedly attract the attention of Spencer Shay, the eccentric artist and brother of Carly Shay.

As Reika and Zairo navigate the creative process under Spencer's guidance, Reika wrestles with maintaining their secret identity, considering their true mermaid nature. The design process is filled with comical mishaps and unexpected solutions, perfectly befitting the quirky style of Spencer.

Intrigued by Spencer's connection to Carly Shay, Kasey decides to tag along. She shadows the team, observing and gathering intel, all while trying to avoid drawing attention to herself. This episode is a humorous and intriguing nod to the iconic show, 'iCarly'.

Episode 7: "#KarmaOnWheels" (Sam and Cat Tribute)

In a serendipitous encounter, Kasey bumps into a familiar face from the iCarly universe, one of the kids from the infamous "iSellPennyTees" episode. The kid, now older, discloses that the notorious duo, Sam Puckett and Cat Valentine, have been entrusted with babysitting his younger sister.

He shares a disturbing tale of the past, painting a picture of a manipulative Sam exploiting him and several other children to labor under harsh conditions for a minimal wage. While Sam's temperament has mellowed over the years, transitioning her into a reliable babysitter (a reference to the premise of Sam and Cat), her prickly demeanor remains, and her past misdeeds have never truly caught up with her.

This revelation reignites Kasey's simmering disdain for Sam, inspiring her to intervene. She rallies Terryo, Reika, Fura, and Zairo for a calculated operation aimed at distracting Cat, allowing Kasey to infiltrate Sam's personal space.

The opportunity arises with the imminent "Killer Tuna Jump" event, where Sam plans to stun the audience with a daring bike jump. Unbeknownst to her, Kasey has meticulously tampered with the bike's mechanics. As Sam executes her jump, the bike disassembles mid-air, leading to a horrific accident that sends Sam straight to the emergency room.

Kasey, assuming the role of a doctor, subtly indicates to Sam that her accident was not a mere stroke of bad luck - she's on a hit list. To top it all off, Kasey finally confronts Sam about her past actions, promising a taste of her own medicine. The episode concludes on an enticing note, leaving the audience anticipating the next move in this cat-and-mouse game.

Episode 8: "Echos of Northridge" (The Haunted Hathaways Tribute)

Northridge, a name synonymous with high school, holds a history that is less familiar to the students and faculty. Kasey stumbles upon a chilling secret, revealing that Northridge was once the final destination for those shunned by society. The souls of these marginalized individuals have not moved on, instead, their spectral remnants pervade the corridors of Northridge High, hidden in plain sight.

Unfazed by this haunting revelation, Kasey is determined to bring tranquility to these unrested spirits. In this quest, she is not alone. Frankie Hathaway, a seasoned mediator between the human world and the spectral realm, joins her. Accompanying Frankie is her ghostly companion, Miles Preston. Together, they unite to soothe the ghosts of Northridge, seeking to restore harmony in their community.

Their collective effort comprises intricate ghost communication sessions, peaceful resolutions to unresolved issues, and in some intense scenarios, careful exorcisms. They navigate the tricky maze of ghost-human relations, tackling fear, prejudice, and disbelief head-on.

Episode 9: "Dune Buggy Remix”

Starting with a burst of excitement, Terryo and Kasey find themselves with an exciting new possession - a battered yet endearing dune buggy from a second-hand sale in San Diego (From the Drake and Josh episode)With its history of zooming through sun-kissed sand dunes, the dune buggy comes with a spirit of adventure that sparks a thrilling idea in Kasey's mind. They are further incentivized when a boisterous group of local thrill-seekers challenges them to a dune buggy race, wagering both pride and an exquisite trophy.

Their challenger is a snide, experienced racer, known locally for his ruthless tactics and relentless hunger for victory. Known to favor speed over safety, his reckless abandon makes him a formidable and unpredictable adversary.

In preparation for the big race, Kasey and Terryo embark on a crash course of upgrading their dune buggy, enlisting the assistance of their friends. Zairo applies his creative touch, painting an eye-catching design on the buggy, while Fura uses her debating skills to negotiate for parts from local vendors. Reika, with their unique aquatic perspective, suggests hydrodynamic enhancements to reduce drag. Meanwhile, Terryo works on boosting the engine's performance and enhancing the vehicle's stability.

On the day of the race, under the sweltering sun and amidst the swirling sand, their refurbished dune buggy shines like a beacon. They take off, expertly navigating the treacherous dunes and outmaneuvering their competition. The dune buggy, with its upgraded enhancements, proves to be a resilient force against the harsh terrain.

The climax of the episode arrives with a heart-stopping moment when they edge past their rival at the finish line, securing their victory. Their moment of triumph is cut short as they lose control of the buggy in their excitement and crash into a conveniently placed mound of soft sand.

Episode 10: "Deep Sea Salvage" (Gone Fishin')

The episode kicks off with Reika feeling inspired to contribute more significantly to their dynamic group. The mermaid decides to exploit her unique abilities to their benefit and goes for a deep-sea dive, scavenging the ocean floor for potential treasures that could come in handy for the group's various exploits.

The sea, in all its vastness, holds an abundance of treasures. Reika discovers items from shipwrecks, lost artifacts, and valuable resources, all while enjoying the natural beauty of the underwater world. This adventure makes Reika feel useful and helps solidify her place within the team.

However, their little aquatic escapade takes a turn for the worse when a curious onlooker spots Reika in her mermaid form. The stunned observer captures a quick picture of Reika's shimmering fishtail as she dives back into the water. This situation threatens to expose their secret and put Reika's identity at risk.

Enter Kasey, the team's resourceful problem solver. She devises a plan to break into the witness's house to erase the picture from his device, hoping to avert the crisis discreetly. Her attempts to gaslight the unsuspecting person are met with resistance, leading to an unexpected complication.

In a shocking twist, Kasey resorts to drastic measures to protect Reika's secret. She finds herself pushing the onlooker into oncoming traffic to get his camera and smash it. After the incident, Kasey manages to delete the photo, thereby securing Reika's secret.

Despite the gravity of the situation, this episode concludes with the gang choosing to move past the incident, never addressing it again.

Episode 11: "Midnight Mall Madness" (Extra Credit Challenge)

Principal Agogo approaches our main characters with a unique proposition in this episode. To the surprise of Kasey, Terryo, Fura, Zairo, and Reika, she presents them with a peculiar challenge: camp out in the mall overnight. Should they accept and accomplish this task, they will receive a massive boost to their test grades - an offer they can't resist.

Although initially excited, the group quickly realizes that spending a night in a mall is no walk in the park. The mall, so lively during the day, takes on an eerie quiet after hours, and shadows seem to dance in every corner. Various antics unfold as the group explores the mall, plays games, and shares stories to pass the time. From Terryo trying to domesticate a raccoon using his plant powers to Zairo getting lost in a maze of mannequins, the night is filled with hilarious escapades.

Reika uses her water powers to create a makeshift fountain in the central plaza, which becomes their camping spot, while Fura uses her abilities to create the perfect tent out of store displays. The group comes together, using their individual talents in fun and creative ways, to make the most of their peculiar camping experience.

As dawn approaches, Kasey, curious and slightly annoyed, confronts Agogo, questioning why she initiated this peculiar challenge. Agogo, maintaining her whimsical persona, responds that "Chaos is Beautiful" and insists she doesn't need a reason other than that.

This strange ordeal leaves the group with an unforgettable experience, a massive grade boost, and a renewed understanding of the unpredictability of their principal. While they might be mystified by Agogo's philosophy, they agree that, in a way, chaos does have its beauty, especially when it brings them closer together.

Episode 12: "Eco-Escape" (Green Day)

The twelfth episode features Terryo taking center stage. Principal Agogo, in her usual unpredictable style, assigns him the task of making Northridge High more environmentally friendly. Terryo, with his love for nature and his plant-based abilities, takes the task head-on but soon finds it a challenge of Herculean proportions.

From attempting to replace plastic utensils in the cafeteria with reusable ones, only for the students to lose or break them, to planting trees that end up attracting a swarm of bees, Terryo's efforts continually backfire. Even his attempts to create an organic compost heap for the school's garden end up causing an unpleasant stench that pervades the entire school, earning him the ire of students and faculty alike.

In the midst of his eco-friendly endeavors, Terryo crosses paths with the school's jaded janitor. The janitor, having grown weary of dealing with the messes left by students and faculty, threatens to call his union representative if he's forced to clean up after another one of Terryo's environmental fiascos. Terryo, not wanting to add more work to the janitor's plate, tries to reason with him.

Coincidentally, they both find themselves dealing with a group of misbehaving Northridge girls. Terryo, using his abilities, and the janitor, using his years of experience handling unruly students, manage to defuse the situation. This shared struggle helps the two find common ground, and they agree to work together to make the school greener.

Episode 13: "The Fire of Debate" 

In episode thirteen, we turn the spotlight to Fura. The school's debate team is gearing up for their most critical match of the year, a head-to-head with their arch-rivals from Bellview High. The opposing team is led by none other than Sonya Crenshaw Nichols, the highly articulate and fiercely competitive daughter of Josh Nichols and Mindy Crenshaw, a couple renowned for their intellectual prowess.

The pressure on Fura is immense. Not only does she have to marshal her thoughts and articulate them persuasively, but she must also do so against the intimidating presence of Sonya. The initial rounds of the debate are brutal, with Sonya and her team strategically disarming Fura's arguments and meticulously presenting their own. Fura, though tenacious, finds herself on the back foot, her team trailing in points.

But adversity, it turns out, brings out the best in Fura. One night, while practicing for the final round, she discovers an unexpected application of her fire powers. By concentrating, she's able to transmute the physical energy of her fire into an intense emotional and intellectual energy, enhancing her debate skills to incredible levels.

Using this newfound ability, Fura stages a remarkable comeback in the final round of the debate. Her arguments are fiery, incisive, and compelling, leaving Sonya and her team astounded. Fura's performance sways the judges, earning Northridge High the victory they had thought was out of reach.

The experience earns Fura a new level of respect among her peers and even from Sonya, who acknowledges Fura's prowess with a nod of approval. More importantly, Fura learns that her fire powers are not just a tool for physical conflict; they can also fuel her intellect and emotions, broadening the ways in which she can use her abilities.

Episode 14: "Spherical Successor”

In episode fourteen, Northridge High receives a surprise visit from the respected Josh Nichols, now a lead designer for GameSphere Corporation. He comes with an exciting proposition: he wants the five friends—Kasey, Terryo, Fura, Reika, and Zairo—to be the beta testers for their newest invention, the Neo-GameSphere. The Neo-GameSphere is an advanced gaming system that promises an even more spherical, immersive gaming experience. As Josh enthusiastically exclaims, "It's SPHERICAL!"

Eager to accept the challenge, Terryo and Fura put their heads together and design an interface device that plugs their minds directly into the Neo-GameSphere. They're not just playing a game—they're literally inside it.

As they traverse the myriad challenges of the gameverse, each one gets a chance to demonstrate their unique abilities. Terryo's analytical mind helps them solve complex puzzles, while Fura's fiery spirit pushes them through difficult combat scenarios. Zairo's artistic imagination helps them navigate the ever-changing gameverse landscapes, while Reika's adaptability allows her to find creative solutions to seemingly impossible problems.

But it's Kasey who truly shines in the Neo-GameSphere. Her martial arts skills, honed from years of practice, make her a formidable force in the gameverse's combat scenarios. Meanwhile, her sharp intellect and quick thinking help them tackle intricate puzzles and navigate complex storylines. She proves to be the missing piece in their team, leading them to the game's thrilling climax.

The beta test proves to be a resounding success, and Josh is thrilled with the feedback. As they unplug from the Neo-GameSphere, Kasey and the gang reflect on their virtual adventure, eager to see what challenges the real world has in store for them next.

Also, Drake Parker got arrested in Mexico for grooming a minor…

Episode 15: "Toys of Terror: Bixby Brawl"

At the end of a long day, Kasey and her boss Gibby are preparing to close up the Bixby store. Suddenly, their mundane routine is shattered when a horde of animated toys come to life and begin to wreak havoc in the store! The ordinarily harmless toys have transformed into threatening invaders, sparking chaos and fear.

Drawing on her martial arts skills, Kasey leaps into action, engaging the menacing toys in a frenzied battle. Gibby, initially paralyzed by shock, manages to overcome his fear and help Kasey using the store's many gadgets. It's a hectic, wild fight, with Kasey and Gibby using their wits and every available tool to combat the toy onslaught.

Once they manage to subdue the toys, they're left standing in a store that looks like a battlefield. Puzzled and breathless, they start investigating the bizarre incident. They discover that all the animated toys share a common factor—they were all products of a toy company known as "Technotronics," notorious for its cutting-edge, experimental technology.

Digging further, Kasey uncovers a suspicious link: Technotronics is a subsidiary of a company named "CyberScape Enterprises”  owned by CEO Megan Parker She recognizes the name from somewhere but can't quite place it. Nonetheless, she decides to investigate further, suspecting that this may not have been a random occurrence, but rather a calculated attack.

As Kasey begins to uncover the truth, she realizes she's heading into dangerous territory, setting the stage for more excitement and challenges to come.

Episode 16: "Mermaid Madness"

In episode sixteen, tensions rise as Northridge High prepares to face off against their arch-rivals, Hollywood Arts, in a highly anticipated mermaid show contest. However, beneath the surface of Kasey's determination lies a deep-seated spite fueled by the fact that Tori Vega, her personal nemesis, attended Hollywood Arts.

Kasey's desire for victory takes on an added layer of motivation as she yearns to prove that Northridge is superior to Hollywood Arts, ultimately surpassing Tori Vega's legacy. Her petty rivalry with Tori becomes the driving force behind her relentless pursuit of success.

With Reika disqualified due to their mermaid status, Kasey takes on the role of the team's leader and chief strategist. She pushes her teammates harder than ever, using her sharp wit and strategic mind to devise captivating routines that showcase their talents while also surpassing the skill level of Hollywood Arts.

During the intense training sessions, Kasey's spiteful determination becomes apparent, as she pushes herself to the brink of exhaustion. Their routines become a testament to Kasey's desire to outshine Tori Vega and prove the superiority of Northridge.

As the day of the competition arrives, Kasey's spite reaches its peak. Every move, every step, and every note is executed with a burning desire to overshadow Hollywood Arts and leave Tori Vega in the dust.

In a spectacular performance, the Northridge team captures the audience's attention with their mesmerizing routines, dazzling costumes, and flawless execution. Their mermaid show becomes a breathtaking display of talent, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind that Northridge has emerged as the victor.

While Kasey revels in her triumph, the taste of success begins to slowly chip away at her spiteful façade. The journey, the camaraderie, and the realization that their victory was not solely driven by petty rivalry start to soften her hardened heart.

Episode 17: "Ranking Rivalry: Flipside"

In episode seventeen, Kasey's desire to make Bixby shine takes an unexpected turn when she comes up with an idea to create a mobile app that tracks the rankings of students. With the help of Terryo's technical genius, they develop the app and launch it to great popularity among the student body.

At first, the app seems like a harmless way to celebrate achievements and foster healthy competition. However, as the rankings become more prominent, Kasey realizes the potential power she holds to manipulate and promote Bixby's rankings.

Driven by her competitive nature and desire to elevate Bixby's status, Kasey uses her powers to influence the rankings, subtly pushing her friends and classmates up the ladder. As the rankings shift, tensions rise, and the pursuit of being on top becomes increasingly fierce.

The intense competition starts to take a toll as rivalries intensify and students become consumed by the desire to climb the ranks. In their relentless pursuit, injuries occur, friendships are strained, and the once-harmonious environment at Bixby becomes filled with conflict.

Kasey's plan takes a dangerous turn when a fire nearly breaks out at Bixby. She realizes that her actions, driven by a desire for recognition and superiority, have resulted in unintended consequences that put everyone at risk.

Haunted by the near disaster and the negative impact of her app, Kasey finally comes to her senses. Realizing the destructive nature of her actions, she makes the difficult decision to delete the app, removing the rankings altogether.

With the app gone, the focus shifts back to genuine connections, personal growth, and fostering a positive environment at Bixby.

Episode 18: "All In" ALL THAT Tribute

In episode 18, titled "All In - A Tribute to All That," the current cast of All That visits Northridge High, accompanied by the original cast members. They bring with them a special challenge for the students: to transform All That into a sensational musical production. The air is filled with excitement and anticipation as the students eagerly embrace the opportunity.

While most of the students joyfully engage with the new cast members, Kasey's curiosity takes her on a different path. Driven by a desire to uncover valuable information, she seeks to learn from the wisdom and experiences of the original cast members. As she tries to gather insights, Reika, Fura, Terryo, and Zairo notice Kasey's actions and become concerned about her recent behavior.

The team confronts Kasey, expressing their worries and urging her to share what's troubling her. Kasey finally relents and breaks down, revealing a deep secret. She discloses that she is Kasey Carson, the younger sister of Steven Carson, who was involved in hurtful actions towards Carly Shay and Tori Vega. Kasey acknowledges that while her brother was in the wrong, she believes he did not deserve the severe consequences that followed, including his tragic fate.

Driven by a strong desire for justice, Kasey vows to bring the individuals responsible for her brother's downfall to justice. Kenan Thompson, who played a role in the events, becomes her initial target. Touched by Kasey's pain and determination, the team promises to support her in any way they can, pledging to assist her in seeking justice while upholding their values.

As preparations for the musical production continue, the energy and enthusiasm of the entire cast intensify. With the guidance and expertise of both the current and original cast members of All That, the students flawlessly translate the show's greatest hits into sensational musical numbers. The performance becomes a captivating tribute to the beloved sketches and characters of All That.

The show proves to be a resounding success, leaving the audience in awe of the students' talent and dedication. The musical production serves as a powerful reminder of the joy and impact that All That has had on the lives of countless fans.

As the episode concludes, the team's focus shifts back to Kasey's pursuit of justice. United and determined, they promise to stand by her side as they navigate the challenges ahead.

Episode 19: "Premiere Omen - A Tribute to Drake and Josh/Victorious"

In episode 19, titled "Premiere Omen - A Tribute to Drake and Josh/Victorious," Kasey gathers her group and shares the footage of the offending video. Emotionally affected by the incident, she receives comfort and support from her friends, who assure her that they will assist her in any way they can.

Seeking answers and a plan of action, Kasey discovers that Trina Vega, sister of Tori Vega, will be performing at the Premiere in San Diego that night. Determined to find information about Tori, the group embarks on a journey to San Diego in their repaired and street-legal dune buggy.

When they arrive at the Premiere, they find Trina in a much better place. Away from toxic influences, she has undergone personal growth and transformation. Kasey, despite her initial intentions, genuinely feels happy for Trina's progress and decides to approach her for information about Tori.

Trina shares that Tori and her friends have formed a supergroup called VICTORIOUS and are currently on tour. Realizing that Tori won't be back in town for a while, Kasey understands the need to use this time to strategize and plan her next moves.

Back in Northridge, Kasey and her friends gather to brainstorm and devise a comprehensive plan to confront Tori and her group when they return. They analyze their strengths, resources, and potential approaches to ensure that justice is served and the truth is revealed.

During this planning phase, Kasey learns the importance of patience and careful execution. She recognizes that rushing into action without a well-thought-out strategy may hinder their chances of obtaining the justice they seek. The group supports Kasey, reminding her to stay focused and determined.

As the episode concludes, Kasey and her friends set their sights on the future. They are determined to uncover the truth and bring justice to those who have wronged them. With a solid plan in place, they prepare for the eventual return of Tori and the VICTORIOUS supergroup, ready to take action and seek resolution for the incidents that have impacted their lives.

Episode 20: "Amanda Pretty Please - A Three-Part Special - The Amanda Show Tribute"

Part 1:

In the first part of the three-part special episode titled "Amanda Pretty Please - A Tribute to The Amanda Show," Penelope, now a successful blogger, creates a schoolwide ARG (Alternate Reality Game). Principal Agogo agrees to this unique challenge to test the abilities of the main five. The group enthusiastically dives into solving the ARG, showcasing their intelligence, problem-solving skills, and teamwork. As they progress, they realize that the ARG leads them to meet Penelope at a Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant.

Part 2:

Upon meeting Penelope, she reveals shocking news: Amanda, the beloved star of The Amanda Show, has been absent from the public eye for years. Penelope explains that she has been tirelessly searching for Amanda and has recently discovered that Amanda voluntarily checked herself into a secluded retreat due to personal struggles and the pressure of fame.

Determined to help their childhood idol, the group resolves to track down Amanda at the retreat. They navigate a series of challenges and obstacles, finally reaching the retreat where Amanda has sought solace.

Part 3:

In the final part of the special episode, the group confronts Amanda at the retreat, expressing their genuine concern and admiration for her talent and impact on their lives. They share their own experiences, highlighting the positive influence Amanda had on them during their formative years.

With compassion and understanding, they offer their support and friendship to Amanda, assuring her that she is not alone in her struggles. Slowly, Amanda begins to open up, realizing that she has a strong network of people who care about her well-being.

Inspired by their bond, Amanda makes the courageous decision to leave the retreat and re-embrace her love for comedy and entertainment. The group, filled with joy and gratitude, decides to organize a special event: a one-night-only return of The Amanda Show. They collaborate with Amanda to create a memorable performance that showcases her talent and brings back the nostalgic charm of the beloved sketch comedy series.

The special event becomes a celebration of Amanda's journey, resilience, and the enduring impact of The Amanda Show. It serves as a reminder that seeking help, leaning on friends, and embracing one's passions can lead to personal growth and fulfillment.

THIS CONCLUDES SEASON 1

[maxxklaire]

i think i might start going by Maxx rather than Jayden.

i don’t like Jayden. he’s a loser, unmotivated, self wallowing, lazy, excuse making, pity wanting, sad all the time over things he shouldn’t be, low confidence in his music ability, talks abt himself poorly, fucking idiot.

Maxx however is the exact opposite of all of that i hate about Jayden. He’s confident, believes in himself, knows what he wants, motivated to ahieve his goals, fucking swagged out genius.

idk, i feel like i need to kill off this person , he’s no good. he jus makes excuses & is perfectly fine sitting here & dying with all the potential he has. Jayden has to die. Maybe not right away, it won’t happen that fast, it’ll be over time tho. strangle him slowly, breath by breath replacing him with new life. that’s kinda fucked up, but whatever it might make a cool video idea one day hahahahha. fuck thinking

[lipstickstampspassport]

I got this BOUNCE foundation by @beautyblender on sale at Sephora (of course). Then, a couple of months ago, I saw a bunch of them at TJ Maxx and they had my shade! Woot woot. There is an indentation on the back where you can place your Beauty Blender sponge to dispense foundation directly onto it. Genius. #projectpan #projectpanner #projectpancommunity #makeuppan #makeup #teamprojectpan #panning #panningcommunity #makeuppanning #projectpanning #projectpanner #projectpanners #makeuplover #makeuplovers #makeupcommunity — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/QS3JiL9

[mikhi]

me finally realizing the parallels between falsettos characters and the haggadah

[yakumtsaki]

With the help of the voodoo doll, which has easily become my fav object in the entire game, we conquer shaved-ponytail-geezer’s heart! Well not really, but he got an insta crush! I still can’t fathom that Mr. Big was on the lot and Cyn legit did the vomiting animation @ him and went for this guy instead. At the same time, I can absolutely fathom it.

This poor maitre d’ lady has been watching us romance geriatrics in her place of employment since Culturally Appropriating Drama Prof, maitre d’ lady sweetie, I’m so sorry. 

-Don’t be, business among the lucrative grey demo is booming!

Well look at Cyn giving back to the community! Keeping the elderly company, supporting local commerce, what a charitable queen.

We return home, where Sophie has clearly taken my advice to chill on the pet training while pregnant to heart, literally all her wants are about pets learning commands.

-And this, D’vorah, is how you play dead!

Soph please get some goddamn rest before this training becomes too realistic for comfort. 

Valentina grows up! She is so cute and chonk, looks just like Abbey with Maxx’s coloring AND she’s a genius <3 Aw Val, I’m sure based on your adorable appearance and cute name you’re gonna be the best doggie ever! (*ominous music*)

-Ok sweetheart, you’ve been an adult for almost 36 seconds now, time to get a job and learn your first command! We’re gonna learn how to ‘shake’!

-Oh, I’ll learn how to ‘shake’ alright.. I’ll shake you losers like you’ve never been shaken!!! 

-What a good girl :)

Sophie passed out in front of a cat painting.. if that isn’t a suitable summary of her life I don’t know what is.

Real talk, during this pregnancy Shajar has been A COMPLETE FLOP. Soph has had a pretty rough go of it and Shajar barely interacts with her? To the point where she gave Soph one measly hug and I legit took a pic of it?? For comparison Don -for all his general uselessness AND getting cheated on- is always following Cyn around and serenading her in the hallways and crap. 

It feels like Shajar locked this down via the sneaky impregnation bs and thinks she doesn’t have to put in time anymore, clearly those socio Jojo genes are finally making an appearance. Now I don’t mean to play favorites, but Shaj, if you fuck this marriage up and she dumps you, you’re out the door and she’s staying at the house, even your parents like her better:

-So he’s going on and on about how if he gets a chin implant he’ll be a perfect 10 and I tell him, ‘Worthington, you fucking WASP inbred, why waste all that money when a train could run over your face for free? That’d still improve that mug of yours!’ hahaha!

-HAHAHAHA oh Sophie, how delightfully cruel you are!

-Mon Dieu, Francés sùcks, hùhù!!

-What’s so funny? >:| -Oh, we’re just shittalking Frances and Ti-Ning, Shaj, come join! -I like Frances and Ti-Ning >:| -UGH, of course you do. Pay her no mind, Sophie, she’s always been a buzzkill. Literally, she killed my buzz the minute she was born and didn’t stop for 17 years.

Ok things are definitely starting to clear up around here re: Shajar’s recent attitude, and I guess it’s semi-understandable but I only have one thing to say to you, Shaj: get over it.

So our butler was glitching so we got a new one that a) is glitching even more b) is an elder whom Cyn is lusting over. So not only is this guy’s icon glitched as pictured above-

-but he also completely changes his face template when he’s in his swimwear to use our hot tub while on the clock (money well spent). His regular face is the male Kaylyn Langerak one, chameleon king! 

You might be wondering why I’m dedicating this much time to introducing the glitched butler, and it’s because this guy ended up glitching so hard he made the entire lot unusable, and I freaked the fuck out fixing it and missed several pics, but more on that disaster when it happens. For now I was all like ‘harhar look at the butler changing faces so he can not do his job undetected’, how sweet and naive of me. But for real if you have a glitchy butler get the fuck rid of him asap.

A mixed day for Sophie’s LTW as Maxx manages to get fired 2 days before retirement, iconic-

-but D’vorah tops her career and earns 10k! Good job, baby!

-Ya no shit, you dumb motherfucker.

I see we caught you in a great mood as always, moving on.

It’s a regular day as Mad Scientist Jojo is debasing himself fixing Cyneswith’s pink computer..

..and Cyn goes to play video games with iVan.. when suddenly..

..JACK DO RUNS IN AGAIN, OF COURSE UNINVITED. BRO WHAT THE FUUUUUCK I CAN’T WITH THIS PSYCHO. WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW???

-I’M HERE TO CLAIM WHAT’S MINE.

WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

B R O R     R O R B

WHAT. A. FREAK

I feel you guys are gonna think I’m making this shit up, I swear I’m not, this is all he did, ran in and kissed Cyn. Jack Do aka a) had two lame dates with her in uni b) accidentally broke her and Don up c) currently furious with her for ‘cheating’ on him with Malcolm d) wasn’t even in love with her to begin with literally RAN IN OUT OF NOWHERE AND KISSED HER. CYN WTF DO YOU DO TO THESE GUYS

I’M. THEY WEREN’T EVEN BEST FRIENDS AND THEY GOT INSTA-LOVE FROM THIS??? Literally I had completely given up on Jack Do after the Malcolm incident, I thought him running into our house last time was some weird hilar glitch, but clearly I was wrong af. He’s such a perfect Union spouse, why does he have to be face 1??? Honestly I might just break my holy rule for him.

We have time for one more lover before we’re drowning in screaming infants, so we invite ProbablyJeff over to seal the deal, but he’s playing hard to get and won’t get a crush on Cyn. PJ, bro, no offense but have you seen yourself? Get a grip.

-Nothing Sugar won’t fix, huhu!💗

Who’s Sugar?

-It’s what I named the voodoo doll, silly, huhu!🌸

There we go, that’s better..

..that’s the stuff! God, PJ is fug, why does Cyn either like them old or ugly or both??

Valentina’s charming personality is starting to reveal itself.

-YOU DIE TONIGHT, PROBABLYJEFF, AND BY THE TIME I’M DONE WITH YOU YOU’LL WISH YOU’VE NEVER BEEN BORN

-WHAT DID I DO??

-I’M A JACK DO STAN AND YOU’RE STANDING IN THE WAY OF TRUE LOVE

The butler departs in his swimwear in the snow, I LOVE how that didn’t tip me off that he’s glitched and I should get rid of him, sharp as a fucking cue ball.

-Sophie and Cyneswith, I’ve called you both here even though you’re about to pop a kid any second now, to deliver a long-winded, suspenseful speech about who will inherit my vast fortune once I leave this earthly realm. 

-How long-winded, daddy?💗

-Those kids will have died of old age by the time I’m done. Let us begin; I was born in poverty to imbecile parents 63 years ago- 

-Sorry, Jojo, this is truly riveting, I just have to take a quick shower and then I can give you my undivided attention! I’ll be right back!

-And I have to go make out with ProbablyJeff and I don’t have any undivided attention to give you, bye daddy!🌸

OMG IT’S HAPPENING. IT’S HAPPENING IN A TINY BATHROOM, CLASSIC TS2. WHERE TF IS SHAJAR, USELESS. STAY STRONG SOPHIE, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

-FUCK YA I CAN! Ok, get out of there you little bastard, come on!

It’s a boy, and he has freckles and KOMEI’S BLUE EYES OMGGGGGGG. BRO ok I legit got kinda emo over this, from Komei’s kids Gunther and Daniel got his blue eyes and Jojo got Vic’s green! So Sophjar bebe inherited those straight from Komei! <3

-Ya ya, the passage of time, life and death, whatever. Now you do remember our deal?

Ok Sophie, I’ve thought about it, and while I can’t in good conscience name the kid Sophie Junior..

-YOU FUCKING WHAT.

..it’s just a lot of pressure for a poor infant to carry your iconic name!

-True, how could he ever live up to that..

He couldn’t! But I came up with the following compromise: we will name him Fernando and add Sophito as a middle name in your honor.

-Alright, so his name is Sophito!

No, it’s Fernando.

-Wanna bet?

Meanwhile Cyn is out in the snow, still trying to get ProbablyJeff to fall in love with her so we can ignore him forever..

-My cuck senses are tingling.

Goddammit Don, go back to bed!

Nevermind, wake up, Don, it’s time!!! 

PJ: Wow, finally I see the famous Night Snow Wild Parrot in the flesh! The guys will never believe this.

It’s another boy! He has Don’s exact coloring, let’s hope that’s where the similarities end. 

-Aww, I will name you after the most important thing in my life!🌸

You have important things in your life?

-Of course I do! Sugar, my voodoo doll!💗 

You’re gonna name your baby.. after a voodoo doll..

-I don’t see why not!🌸

Alright then! Welcome to the world, Sophito and Sugar!

JACK DO ARE YOU STILL HERE. DID YOU JUST SHOW UP. WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM. I CAN’T WITH THIS GUY

So I check inside and see that Sophie has dumped Sophito on the kitchen floor and I’m like oh great, the proud Union tradition continues-

-but it turns out she only did that because she rushed outside to rescue Sugar from certain death since Cyn had dumped him UNDER 2 FEET OF SNOW AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PIC WHERE I’M HOVERING OVER HIM. I LITERALLY HAD TO GO INTO BUILD MODE JUST TO FIND OUT WHERE HE WAS SINCE BABIES AREN’T SELECTABLE. BRO.

-It’s ok little brat, I won’t let you die!

SOPHIE <333333333 More like Sophtie huhu! I wasn’t kidding about the parenting this generation, we’ve really outdone ourselves.

-Ah, motherhood sure is great! I’m a hot young mom now and when I’m older I’ll be a MILF! People are so right, life really doesn’t begin until you have a baby💗 

The arrival of generation 4 perfectly coincides with our day-old robot running amok and breaking down, so the omens around here truly can’t get any better.

-Oh ya, enjoy your new fucking family! The family I’ll never have because you KILLED ME

Sandy Fairchild no offense but we literally just almost killed our newborn, like we’re gonna give a crap about you. 

[hometoursandotherstuff]

I know that I posted artist Sassy’s Georgian flat overlooking the sea, before, but I have no idea which blog it was on- the old one or this one. But, I want to revisit the Mother of Reinvention, anyway. The flat is a veritable cornucopia of rescued objects, family heirlooms, upcycled treasures and Sassy’s original artworks. 

As soon as you enter the eye is drawn to a magnificent collection of vintage hats, coats and handbags on one side and beautiful Moorish pottery plates hanging on the walls on the other side.

Inspired by life in Spain, Sassy has no dinner service, but simply takes her decorated plates from the wall when entertaining!

The seafront home is a dreamy paradise of rescued, saved and upcycled treasures. “Necessity is the mother of invention. But I wouldn’t have it any other way because I love the thrill of finding things or reinventing them,” says Sassy.

An ornate French mirror is surrounded by some of Sassy’s artistic creations – pieces of religious iconography with playful twists of flowers, shells, crystals and lights, all in her signature pale color scheme of white, pink and blue.

An antique chest of drawers holds a series of family heirlooms and photographs.

Dominating the area by the window is a large sofa/day bed covered with pastel throws and richly ornate deep red and gold velvet cushions.

Sassy saves space by displaying beautiful items which are usually stowed away; bags are hung on door handles and jewelry is set out on a Georgian writing desk.

The French day bed is sourced from an antique dealer and is topped with bolsters which Sassy made herself with fabric remnants, bits of old duvet, vintage ribbons and sequin belts.

A collection of blue feathers in place of flowers. “They have some yellow bits on them,” explains Sassy, “but I had to turn them the other way to hide the yellow. I really am that specific about sticking to my colors.” 

In a genius tip Sassy reveals the ‘cloches’ are made by using upturned inexpensive glass vases bought from TJ Maxx.

The kitchen sings with Spanish pottery, hanging vintage copper pots and occasional touches of whimsy in the form of a birdcage and ceramic roses.

Sassy lived in Spain when she was younger and fell in love with both the Moorish architecture and ceramics.

In what was Sassy’s daughters’ bedroom, she is currently working on her icon tin collection, a series of sardine tins glamourized with studs, shells and spikes.

Above the bed hangs Bubble-gum-queenie, Sassy’s twist on Chris Levine’s Lightness of Being portrait of the Queen.

An abstract painted cello case.

In Sassy’s own smaller bedroom collections of vintage dresses, shoes and belts line the walls.

It’s hard to imagine that this flat full of intrigue, wonder and joy was painted dark brown and green when she moved in.

Sassy’s painting, Homunculus was inspired by the book Geek Love by Katherine Dunn.

https://priceless-magazines.com/interiors/the-mother-of-reinvention/

[1teeth]

“Couldn’t get Michael Kors if you was fuckin Michael Kors” is such a funny and genius line because they sell Michael Kors at like TJ Maxx

[justzawe]

My London: Zawe Ashton

The actress loves the dining vibe at Italo, is a sucker for Bob Bob Ricard’s on-demand bubbly and finds her happy place at TK Maxx

By Hamish Macbain 05 June 2019

Home is…

I’m Hackney born and bred and find it hard to call anywhere else home despite the extreme ongoing gentrification which gets me down. I split my time between here and my new love, Margate.

Bus, taxi or Tube?

I love the Tube. I give the different lines personalities. The Victoria line is the best friend you can always rely on, the Jubilee line is the enigmatic crush you just can’t seem to get close to. Although, if you asked anyone else they would tell you I have a taxi addiction that needs professional attention.

Where would you recommend for a first date?

Art galleries are the best first date spots for my money. You’re close, but your gaze is averted, you’re held together by an invisible line. Newport Street Gallery owned by Damien Hirst is my favourite London find.

Where do you work out?

Haha! Good question. I’m a bit sporadic in that department. I have a wonderful trainer and friend, Nyambe Ikasaya, who runs One Life Studio in Stoke Newington and has a totally holistic approach to fitness. He also specialises in cryotherapy, which is great for muscle recovery.

Which shops do you rely on?

Liberty for everything, Dover Street Market for clothing inspiration and the Wellcome Collection gift shop for eclectic books and gifts. Also the Plant Warehouse in Bethnal Green to make my flat look like a jungle and finally TK Maxx — it’s widely known that this is my spiritual home. I’m never happier than when I’m in TK sourcing bargains.

What is your London secret?

Italo in Bonnington Square, Vauxhall. I lived in Vauxhall for a bit and it’s full-on and busy near the Tube, but this square felt like stumbling upon a London secret. I’ve had some blissful times here. It reminds me there’s still community to be found in this city.

Last play you saw?

I’ve been in a play since the beginning of the year — Betrayal at the Harold Pinter Theatre — so haven’t been able to catch much recently. But Summer and Smoke knocked my socks off. Tennessee Williams moves my soul. Patsy Ferran and Matthew Needham were breathtaking in the lead roles. And the Betrayal cast presented Patsy with her best actress Olivier Award.

Best meal you’ve had?

Bob Bob Ricard for a birthday years ago. The ‘press for champagne’ button by the tables is just genius and far too tempting. A lobster roll and a few glasses of fizz and I’m happy.

Favourite pub?

The Prince George on Parkholme Road in Dalston. It’s the first pub I ever tried to get served in and was turned away. Now it’s run by two of my oldest friends. Amazing vibes, great food, a proper local.

Best thing a cabbie has ever said to you?

‘Don’t worry darlin’, it all comes out in the wash in the end.’