#MAN im used to it but at the same time it never gets easier to grapple with does it

[toytulini]

i feel like the makeup standards are not necessarily going to get Worse, just. stay the Same. "raised by sephora and ulta" christ alive yall act like this shit is new. as if this hasnt been the standard to blast young girls with makeup ads and shit via magazine and tv and imposed beauty standards anyway. the only real difference is like, idk, accessibility of tutorials for how to apply it well

[shararan]

Pretty sure hades 2020 is partly to blame for destroying my thumbs. I spent soooo many hours playing it like obsessed its one of my fondest gaming experiences for sure... but man last time i played it i couldnt fight at all 😔😔😔

[pressureplus]

Not sure if you have done it or if anyone have already requested it.. but I do like to see a headcanons (NSFW?) on the ovipositor of Sebastian. Like if reader finally agrees to let him pregnant them with his eggs. Kinda stuff like how would it feel like during/after breeding? does it will hurt? How long long does it take? How those eggs/babies develop? And how does the giving birth would be and feel like? Anything like that.

Btw, I love your headcanons and oneshots! <3

So glad you asked! I've been dealing with pain lately so Ive needed consistent care. As per usual we are writing, this one just happened to be finished first. Also, thank you for the compliment <3

♡Sebastian Solace Ovipositor Headcannons♡

Warnings: Describing this Non-Erotically, Implied Sex, Oviposition/Ovipositor, AFAB and AMAB Cannons (God Im Sorry), Pregnancy/Birth Vaguely Mentioned, M!Preg Mentioned

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜

Starting off strong, the moment you agree to have that mans babies he is all over you

Excited, yes, and at the mention of his Ovipositor being put to use he’ll be a little shy but happy to oblige! How can he not be? The idea of having a family almost makes him feel…normal. Happy and normal.

As his tendril is always sheathed, it stays very slick, which makes insertion easier. Despite his absurdly large length (he is well over twice your size) he doesn't need to be all the way inside your body to use said Ovipositor

During the process of actually putting those eggs in your body, it feels…odd. The best way I can describe this is like swallowing those Boba Pearls in drinks? But like…obviously not with your mouth

Doesn't hurt! The eggs arent too large, about an inch in length and diameter, but still not painful! You’d think they would be, right?

This is due to both the slightly muscle relaxant features of said slick, and the flexible nature of his eggs

Despite their size they can easily compress to be smaller if pressure is applied…too much pressure will pop them and make them no longer viable but yes they can get a bit smaller

They're like little jelly balls with a turquoise color

After the fact, you'll really just feel oddly full for the next day or two. These things are decently sticky and almost parasitic in nature so those that are going to continue to develop will be burying themselves into your body

Not a painful process either, by the way

Those that don't end up attaching to anything are not particularly viable as they can't take any of your DNA to make anything. So those really just have to be removed. This can be done decently easily with some pressure applied to your stomach and a bit of pushing

Produces 6-12 eggs on average, but may produce more or less, so you never really know how many actually stuck

The way these eggs develop is rather unnatural to say the least.

If you're AFAB then they'll attempt to fill your uterus much like a normal baby would. They also take as much ‘code’ from your DNA as possible, feeding off your blood for minerals similar to how Anglerfish pairs function

If you're AMAB things get a bit..sticky for you. They'll hollow out their own space inside you, kind of like a very small faux womb. This is NOT painful, but does leave a sort of dull ache like you've just worked out for a while. This small little wound will close behind the eggs as well so they won't be disturbed. They feed off you the same way as they do for those who are AFAB

This pregnancy can last anywhere from 6-9 months depending on how large the batch of eggs is. They do technically ‘share’ their meals so they'll all be ready to hatch at the same time. Think of it like an evolutionary trait for a better chance at survival.

Doesn't entirely feel like pregnancy, you'll feel weaker, bloaty, and maybe a bit sick mostly due to lower mineral/vitamin counts. But as long as you take some kind of supplements or eat healthy you'll be fine

You don't get particularly round or anything either, just a small bump that could easily be passed off as weight gain

On the Plus side for the AFABS, your body does not continue to have its menstrual cycle during these months. They release their own chemicals into your body/bloodstream for a better latch and less chances to be ‘rejected’

As for having these babies? There's conractions/cramping for sure and a bit of blood from where those eggs detach. I wouldn't call them particularly bad contractions, as they're slower and a lot less painful than normal child birth

The body doesn't have to prep as much since they're not normal sized human babies.

If you're AFAB, they'll come out the natural way. If you're AMAB, you're going to need surgery

Surgery is of course an option for both if preferred.

They pop their eggs and are ready to go the second they break, now for the most part the body can just absorb the nutrients in these empty ‘shells’ but they can also be removed. It won't cause additional harm either way

These babies aren't very big when they're taken out

In fact, they're all about palms sized. They're warm to the touch, covered in a bit of blood and whatever liquid is inside those eggs, so they're a bit sticky. But just fine to wipe clean

They’ll be oddly…blue and pale for the first while as they learn to breathe oxygen with their very small lungs. Don't worry, they'll figure it out. They look almost like normal babies aside from this, well, not including those that look more like Sebastian

They’ll develop faster than normal babies as well. Some may even be born with sharp teeth, others will get their set within the first two months.

They're already up and ready to go in about a year or less, as if they're made for survival like wild animals. However this will come at a cost. Your sanity mostly when your 1 year old is chewing through the casings of wires and chair legs.

By the time they're around 5-6 they'll be just a little smaller than the size of a normal human child.

As teenagers getting their growth spurts? Many of your children may end up BIGGER than average humans!

Overall your children will be different, as was the process of having them, but they're still perfectly healthy

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

did some force take you because i didn’t pray?

── aegon x fem!reader (you’re one of helaena’s lady’s in waiting)

the 2 times Aegon had someone there to comfort him

(i’m slightly changing things but just go with it pls)

small a/n before we begin: no use of y/n, i do my best to avoid descriptors BUT do use she / her and mention reader being shorter than aegon. when he hugs / holds you he is able to rest his head on yours. also i know everyone has titles and long names but to save time and also make it easier i just use first names. changing aegon’s rant just so im not word for word with the show.

also disclaimer: i know aegon is not a good person by any means! this is just the alternate reality version of him where things could turn out different if he’s shown genuine love and care

For as long as you’ve known the Targaryen family, it dawns on you one day that you’ve never seen Aegon cry.

In the beginning, that didn’t mean much. You were one of Helaena’s ladies’ in waiting, and only ever saw the then prince on occasion.

Then Aegon was crowned King, and you saw him a bit more as Helaena was required to be present at what felt like too many ceremonies. Because you were almost exactly the same age, although it was against an unspoken rule, she came to see you as a friend.

When the twins were born and Helaena saw how good you were with them, it seemed to anyone who was around that she wanted you near at all times. She practically begged you to begin sleeping in her chambers to help with the fussing and crying at night, and of course you said yes. It occurred to you later that night that she could’ve just demanded it.

It wasn’t long at all before the twins also formed an attachment, as their mothers need to have you close by didn’t lessen even as they got older.

Though they both loved you, Jaehaerys in particular, was very fond of you. Jaehaera was a lot more independent and chose to play with her dolls or little trinkets by herself. But the boy, the other ladies’ in waiting and even Helaena herself, often called him your little shadow.

Whatever task you were given, it wasn’t uncommon for Jaehaerys to be nearby. As he grew a little older, he began to ask questions.

Once, he asked why his mother wore such fancy dresses, but yours and the rest of the ladies’ were only ever plain. It hadn’t occurred to you that because you spent so much time with him and had a big hand in raising him, he saw you as family and genuinely didn’t understand why you dressed differently.

Luckily, you didn’t need to answer. Aegon appeared from around the corner, calling for his son. Once Jaehaerys ran to him, he gave you a nod before grabbing his sons hand and leading him in the opposite direction.

To the King, you were a mystery. He knew his sister preferred you to the other ladies’ in waiting, and he knew she’d rather you over any of them to be looking after the twins when she was busy, but he didn’t know why. Still, his sister was set in her ways, and in the end he simply decided it was best to not ask questions. Even he could see that you cared deeply for his children, and for him that was enough.

On the day Aegon wished for his son to sit in on a council meeting, Jaehaerys was being a bit difficult that morning. For whatever reason, he refused to go unless it was you that escorted him.

After assuring him that you’d only get the boy in the room and then quickly make your exit, Aegon nodded and led the 2 of you into the room.

Just like you knew he would, Jaehaerys immediately went for “the ball” as he called it, in front of Tyland Lannister. You could see irritation immediately all over the man’s face, but to his credit he did his best to hide it.

The third time the ball was grabbed, you were the only one that heard it when Tyland snapped. The meeting hadn’t yet begun but you could see he already wished it to be over.

“That child doesn’t belong in here,” he muttered to himself, unaware that you could hear him.

“I will escort him to his mothers chambers now. Is the heir to the throne bothering you a bit too much?” That last bit slipped out, and you immediately regretted it as the room grew silent and all eyes turned to the 3 of you. After a few tense seconds, most everyone resumed their conversations.

You slowly stood up, Jaehaerys now on your back as that was the only way he agreed to leave the room. “Apologies Ser Lan—”

“Hold on,” the room stilled once again when it was Aegon that spoke this time. He looked at you, then back at Tyland. “She has nothing to apologize for. And I believe she asked you a question. Is the heir to the throne, my son, is he bothering you?”

Even Alicent opted to look down and fiddle with her hands rather than step in. You didn’t think you’d ever been more grateful for Aegon that in that moment.

🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

ONE.

On the night Jaehaerys was murdered, you were knocked unconscious. You’d later find out it was the man they called Blood that hurt you, but at the time all you knew / remembered was waking to a loud noise. Immediately you got out of bed, but before you could properly realize what was happening, you felt something sharp across your cheek. And before you’d even had time to cry out, something hard hit the side of your head, causing everything to go dark.

When you woke, you ignored the maesters requests to stay in bed. As soon as you stood up, you almost wished you’d listened as you immediately felt dizzy. That was also when you felt the stinging pain of the cut on your cheek. The maester explained that you wouldn’t need to have it stitched up, but he hadn’t yet bandaged you because even in your sleep, you tossed and turn whenever he tried to tend to that injury.

After agreeing to not over exert yourself, you were off to find Helaena. It was then that another one of the ladies’ in waiting broke the news to you.

When you were let in to Alicent’s chambers, and locked eyes with Helaena, she immediately stood up from her spot on the floor and ran to you, Jaehaera still held tightly in her arms.

“Are you alright?” You knew she would be with the maester if she were injured, but you still had to ask. “They said—”

“He’s dead,” was all Helaena could say. That and “they killed him”.

What felt like an eternity later, and you’d gotten Jaehaera to sleep and convinced Helaena to at least lay down with her, you were unsure of what to do. Only a few moments later, you found yourself wandering the halls. Every inch of the place had been searched almost immediately, so you know that the halls were alright once again.

Part of you felt like you didn’t have a right to mourn Jaehaerys, as he wasn’t actually your son. You were just trying to process the fact that you’d never see his little smile again. Never again would you turn a corner and be greeted with that sweet voice asking where the 2 of you were going, because him staying with anyone else was out of the question.

You were one of the first to hold him after he was born, and had seen him every day since. To already be in a world where he no longer existed, it seemed cruel.

When you stopped walking, you realized that you’d come to Aegon’s chambers. The doors were obviously closed, and you had only managed to take a few steps back the way you came, when you heard them open.

“Oh, good,” you turned around, surprised that it was Alicent that had spoken. “Did Helaena send you?”

You stuttered as you tried to form a response, but she seemed to take your silence as a confirmation.

“He’s distraught, obviously. I’m not sure he’ll speak to you but…” she seemed unsure of herself. In the end she sort of motioned towards the doors, before turning and walking away.

Before you even raised your hand to knock, you heard sobbing. It was then that you realized you were wrong. Yes, your heart could break even more.

It didn’t escape your notice that Alicent left the room as her son was sobbing. You knew she wasn’t the comforting type, but you couldn’t imagine simply walking the other way.

After a few knocks, you weren’t surprised when there was no answer. As you slowly opened the door, then shut it behind you, you thought to yourself that you should’ve thought about what to say beforehand. Here was this normally stone-faced man, showing more emotion now than he had in the entire time you’d known him. And after more thought, you realized that perhaps Alicent had tried to comfort him but was asked to leave.

“Who is there?” Aegon finally seemed to notice someone else’s presence, but hadn’t actually looked up. His head remained in his hands, and you could hear him trying to quiet his cries.

“I am sorry, I— I just thought I should check on you.” You noticed how pathetic you sounded only after the words left your mouth.

He let out a humorless chuckle, then slowly stood up and made his way towards you. “Check up on me?”

You nodded. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. Stupid question to ask if you’re okay, I know.”

He studied your face for a moment, and his guard came down ever so slightly. He believed your concern to be genuine. And for Gods sakes, his own mother couldn’t even comfort him. She left quietly and Aegon knew it was in the hopes that he wouldn’t know she’d ever entered the room.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to answer you. Instead he returned to his sitting position, once again leaning forward so that his head was in his hands.

“I should’ve been there,” he spoke so softly that you didn’t quite hear him.

“Pardon?”

He looked up at you, fresh tears in his eyes. “I should’ve been there!” When he saw how you flinched, he regretted being so loud. But a larger part of him didn’t care. You were the first person to allow him to speak freely. He needed to let out his emotions somewhere. “I should have been there. But I thought who’d be stupid enough to try anything here? Look at how wrong I was.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done,” you shook your head.

“That is bullshit!” He stood up and began pacing back and forth. “My son is DEAD! It was an act of revenge, why else do you think the rest of you were left alive?”

You were about to ask if they already know who is responsible, but it’s as if he read your mind.

“My brother kills her son, so she has taken it upon herself to exact revenge, a son for a son!” He laughs, but again there is no humor in his tone. “My son, the heir to the throne, he is gone. Murdered while he slept and I did nothing!”

As he sat crying, you kneeled in front of him. Trying not to think about it too much, you placed your hands on his and forced him to look at you.

“Everyone around knows how much you love that boy. And he loved you just as much.” You decided it was better to not repeat that he couldn’t have done anything. Right now in front of you, was a father who needed to grieve.

Aegon knew he should be cautious. His sister knew you well, but he did not. He was already ashamed that you’ve seen him cry. Yet you didn’t seem repulsed. You allowed him to rant and didn’t try to shove advice down his throat. His son was gone, but you reminded him of the love that existed, that still exists.

The angry part of him wanted to shout at you to leave, but he couldn’t bring himself to yell again in that moment. So he allowed your hands to remain on his as he cried for his son.

You prayed that no one would walk in, as you stood up and pulled Aegon up with you. Before he could ask what was happening, you gave him a hug.

His first instinct was again, one of anger. He resisted the brief urge to push you away. After a few seconds, he even surprised himself when he almost melted into your touch. He genuinely couldn’t remember the last time he was in someone else’s embrace like this. And you didn’t ask questions. You only held him and listened to his heartbeat.

He found himself crying again as he returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around you. Although he knew he could never speak of this, and he’d have to ask that you not do the same at some point, he allowed himself to do nothing but mourn the loss of his son as you held him in your arms, and you in his.

He was grateful that at least in this moment, you allowed him to grieve.

🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

TWO.

After that, there was a noticeable change. Aegon gravitated towards you if he entered a room and you were already there. Everyone noticed, but none dared to speak on the matter, not even Alicent or Otto.

You heard about the meeting in which it was ultimately decided that Jaehaerys’ body would be placed on a carriage led through the streets, so that the public might see just what Queen Rhaenyra was capable of. You didn’t think this was her doing. How could a mother who has just lost her son, inflict that pain onto someone else? Surely she wouldn’t. But everyone else was so sure. And you were but a low-born lady in waiting, so you remained silent.

The thought of Jaehaerys being used, paraded through the streets for all to gawk at, it angered you. Yes, he was a prince. And you understood the message that they hoped it would send, but it didn’t make you any less upset. He was just a boy. You thought of the boy who would run into your embrace whenever you walked in to his mothers chambers.

You couldn’t even imagine how Aegon was feeling. He loved that boy deeply, and you had no doubt that he was pressured into agreeing.

That same night, you were abruptly woken up. Immediately you looked to Helaena’s bed, filled with relief to see her and Jaehaera fast asleep. But it alarmed you that it was Ser Criston Cole of all people, who’d woken you up.

He put a finger to his lips, then turned and exited the room. You made sure you looked at least half decent before you followed him, wondering what on earth possessed him to wake you at such an hour.

“I—” He looked unsure of where to start.

“Has something happened?”

“It’s the King.” He didn’t wait for you to respond, instead turning and practically running out of the room.

As you chased after him, it did occur to you that it was odd for him to fetch the King’s sisters ladies’ in waiting. You also realized that he never technically responded when you asked if something happened.

When the 2 of you finally reached Aegon’s chambers, Criston didn’t even open the door. He didn’t need to though, you could hear the shouting and loud noises from outside.

“Who else is in there?” You fiddled with your hands, unsure of what you were walking into.

Criston merely shook his head. “No one. He kicked everyone out. But I know you helped him that— that night. Can you…?”

Without giving it a second thought, you nodded. Instead of leaving, Criston sort of stood guard right outside the door. You’d seen Aegon angry before, and were secretly relieved that he was outside should anything go wrong.

This time, you didn’t bother knocking. You did, however, try to open and then close the door as quietly as possible.

“I declare war!” It was the first thing you heard since entering the room, and you didn’t bother asking who he was declaring war on.

“My King —”

It was as if he was in a sort of angry trance. You speaking didn’t even cause him to look in your direction.

“I want them all dead! They’ll all pay for this, every fucking one of them!” As he spoke, he moved about the room destroying King Viserys’ carefully and meticulously constructed display.

You could see he needed to let his anger out. And didn’t exactly want to approach him while he held something that could hurt you. Not that he intentionally would, but seeing as he had no reaction to you calling out to him, you didn’t think it wise to sneak up on him.

As the smashing and destruction went on, you could see Aegon begin to wear himself out. It wasn’t so much that the anger was leaving his body, but rather that he was losing the energy to continue. Now, you thought to yourself, was a good time to gauge where he’s at mentally / emotionally.

“My King—” you tried again. This would be a moment you’d come to regret, seeing as you hadn’t considered the fact that Aegon was so blinded by his rage that he hadn’t noticed it was you in the room. Sure he heard the doors open and close, but he assumed it had been one of his men.

Not registering who it was that just spoke, and only hearing that someone was interrupting his rampage, he turned around with an arm swung out. It ended up being sort of a backhanded slap, and unfortunately he was wearing a ring.

Once he realized it was you that he’d just harmed, Aegon froze. His eyes widened and he immediately dropped to his knees.

“Are you hurt? Did I— did I…” He didn’t seem to know what he wanted to ask.

You put a hand to your cheek and examined your fingers, nothing a small amount of blood. He hit almost exactly where you were cut, and by the feel of it you guessed that his hit reopened the wound.

“It’s fine,” you tried to reassure him. “I am sure I will be healed in no time. There is no need—” Before you could finish speaking, he’d fled from the room, but not before hurriedly asking you to stay put.

Only a short while later he returned with the maester quickly following behind him.

As the man tended to your face, you could practically see the gears turning in his head as he debated on speaking. In the end, he decided to ask the question.

“How did you manage to reopen this wound?”

Luckily for you, you’d studied the room and had your answer prepared.

You pointed to a spot on the floor where a glass of wine lay spilt. “I slipped just there. Tried to steady myself and ended up landing on my face and cutting it with one of the broken pieces.”

Because you spoke immediately and with such confidence, your lie was believed.

“Might not heal as well if it’s opened a third time. Still doesn’t need stitches, just try not to fall again, eh?” He gave you a pat on the shoulder before giving you a small jar of ointment to apply to the cut, instructing you to apply it once a day.

As soon as the man left the room, you studied Aegon. He was pacing the entire time, only stopping once the maester had left.

“Why?” He whispered.

You knew what he was asking. “I did not think it would do any good for him to know the truth. I know you didn’t mean to,” you shrugged.

He was almost in a state of shock. Here he’d just injured you, accidentally, sure, but it was still done in anger. And it wasn’t that long ago that he broke down in front of you. Despite all of that, you were still kind to him. You covered for him.

Aegon fell to his knees once again in front of a large portion of the mess he created. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly.

“My King you do not need to apologize. As I said, I know it wasn’t on purpose.”

He looked up at you, fresh tears in his eyes, and you lost count on how many times your heart broke for him. You joined him on the floor, and put what you hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t do anything right,” the first tear fell, but he didn’t bother wiping it away. “I allowed men to break in and murder my son, and this is twice now you’re hurt because of me.”

The fact that he blamed himself for it still, brought tears to your eyes as well.

“No one thinks this was your doing, and I swear to you that I don’t blame you.”

He was silent for a moment, deep in thought. “How am I meant to continue?”

His question caught you off guard. “Pardon?”

“My son is dead. Murdered, and my dear sister that claims to be the rightful heir may not have held the knife but I know she commanded the men that did. How am I supposed to to sit on the throne and continue to rule as if none of this has happened?”

“I do not think anyone expects you to act as if nothing has happened —”

Hearing that caused Aegon to laugh. “Have you met my mother? She is one of the many against me declaring war.”

“This tragedy —”

He cuts you off once again. “Tragedy? Hah! Understatement of the fucking year. And people are already speaking about my sons murder as if it’s a lesson! My grandfather, dear old Otto Hightower, wants to parade my sons body for all to see. Says it will show them the kind of Queen that Rhaenyra really is. You should’ve seen how many nodded their heads in agreement. How do I just hand him over to be stared at, as if he is no more than a piece of meat on display at the market?”

“I hate this,” you finally get a chance to speak. “Jaehaerys was the sweetest little boy I kno—knew. And I wish his death wasn’t being used in this way. A tragedy should not always be a lesson. Sometimes it should be allowed to be just that, a tragedy. I am truly sorry you are having to deal with all of this.”

Something about what you’ve said causes tears to spring to Aegon’s eyes. Perhaps it’s the way you speak so kindly of his son. He knows you genuinely loved the boy, after all. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” His quiet sobs begin as he echoes your use of those 2 words, and when you turned to face him, he practically falls into your embrace. You stop counting how many times he utters I’m sorry. In between the I’m sorry’s, he mostly said his sons name, but you heard your name as well as Helaena and Jaehaera’s.

Night turned into morning and Aegon finds himself in your arms once again. Eventually his sobs had slowed down, and he fell asleep, laying on the hard floor with his head in your lap.

As he slept, you allowed yourself to run your hands through his hair, just for a moment. Aegon let out a content sigh, finding comfort in your movements even in his sleep.

Here was this boy who was feared by many, who didn’t ever want anyone to see him as weak, and yet twice he allowed himself to cry and grieve in front of you.

At some point, you gently wake Aegon and convince him to get into bed.

As you take one last look at him before exiting his chambers, you can’t help but silently hope that the future would be a little kinder to him.

TAGLIST — @blupblupfish | @sapphirest0nes

If you’d like to be tagged in future Aegon pieces, let me know!

[anakinstwinklebunny]

MAFIA!ANAKIN HEADCANONS

TW: at some point it contains sexual content, so if you're sensitive to that or don't feel comfortable with it, please do not read for your own safety and comfort. Kinda violence, ani is a criminal, italian phrases/words (i do learn this language but if there's any mistake, im so sorry), mentions of drugs and gambling, ani with troublematic childhood, ITS VERY LONG!!

Mafia!Anakin who didn't know happiness until he met you. Yes, he had money, he had luxurious life but when you appeared in his life, you filled an empty hole in his heart

Mafia!Anakin who spoils you like crazy. You want something, you'll get it the same day, unless your behavior is out of place

Mafia!Anakin who keeps you away from most of his business for your own safety. He'd not forgive himself if something would happen to you because of him/his job

Mafia!Anakin who taught you how to use a gun so you could protect yourself when he's not around;

"No, again," his voice cut through your thoughts, firm and authoritative. Normally, Anakin was carefree in your presence, but teaching you how to use a gun was a different matter – he took it very seriously.

"What's wrong now?" you retorted, rolling your eyes in annoyance. You had been doing this for hours, with nothing but mistakes and failures, and your patience was wearing thin.

"Your grip...again," he said firmly, stepping closer behind you. He reached out to adjust your grip, his hands guiding yours. "You need a firmer grip, angel."

"I already have a firm grip," you retorted stubbornly.

He couldn't help but let out a small chuckle "Not as firm as it should be," he gently corrected "it's not a puppy you're holding in your hand, dolcezza." His hand wrapped around yours, adjusting your fingers and gripping them even tighter, forcing you to hold the gun properly. "This is what a firm grip looks like."

He pulled away, fixing his gaze on you again, searching for any mistakes. You tried your best to keep still, clutching the damn thing in your shaking hands. Generally, you didn't like such objects, but with Anakin, it was slightly easier. You knew he was doing this out of concern for your well-being.

"Your feet are too close together." He observed, moving in closer. "Having such a small base gives you less balance, which you don't want. You need a steady position in situations like these, angel. Otherwise, things can go very wrong."

He gently pushed his knee between your legs, widening your stance. You involuntarily stirred a little at his action, but he continued "You need to be sturdy, firm. But at the same time, flexible"

"You don't stand like that when you use a gun," you pointed out

he chuckled again, his breath warm against the back of your neck. "That's because I've been holding one ever since I was a kid, angel. You're just learning, sweetheart. You need to learn the proper stance first. We'll get to my type of stance when you have the basics nailed down."

He gently adjusted your stance, his hands steady on your hips. "Keep your feet hip-width apart, and relax your shoulders. It's all about balance and control."

Mafia!Anakin who's obviously possessive over his treasure, his pretty angel. If any man dared to look at you in a way that made you uncomfortable or made anakin question the man's behavior, anakin would make sure he would never look at you again

Mafia!Anakin who takes you to casinos which are filled with rich guys and lavishly dressed women. The place where crimes begin. He'd most of the time let you sit on his lap while he plays gambling, asking for your favorite number for his own luck

Mafia!Anakin who makes sure everyone knows that you're his and only his. Multiple marks on your neck from his lips, his hand on your waist and much more was just basics to publicly claim you

Mafia!Anakin who speaks to you in change between Italian and english, often calling you tesoro, dolcezza but also angel, baby, sweetheart

Mafia! Anakin who finds you and his close friends that he works with as his only family

Mafia!Anakin who shows you the world; takes you to different places in other countries for vacation

Mafia!Anakin who's absolutely in love with your reactions to his gifts for you; your wide smile, your sparkling with excitement eyes, your endless 'thank you' between your kisses

Mafia!Anakin who keeps you away from any drugs his friends bring since he wants to keep you away from such things

Mafia!Anakin who would throw himself on train for you. Who would take a bullet for you if he'd have to, if it meant to keep you safe and happy. Who would do anything you want. Even deprive someone of their life, since he did much worse things

Mafia!Anakin who has a habit of using new things on your delicate body;

you both laid in his king-sized bed as he worshipped your body with his plush, pink lips, gently pressing kisses against your stomach. Between his slim fingers he held the tweezers to occasionally add more radiant diamonds inside your belly button

"I love using them on you. You're just so hot," he murmured against your skin

"So irresistible," he continued with a huskier tone "Such a pretty girl..so beautiful..so gorgeous."

He moved his lips to yours, gently brushing them against each other "You would never leave me, would you?"

You shook your head defiantly, locking your gaze with his blue eyes that you could so easily drown in

"Good girl"

Mafia!Anakin who would never dare himself to treat you like he treats others. You're his favorite girl, his pretty angel and he'd be damned if he even dared himself to adress to you with such coldness or disrespect

Mafia!Anakin who loves the sound of your voice. You could just talk about nonsense, or about the book you've been reading and he'd be completely mesmerized by the sweet, gentle sound of it

Mafia!Anakin who finds you as his only source of comfort. After a rough day all he'll do is clinging to you, burying his face in the crook of your neck, savouring your scent. In your presence he could easily calm down, easily forget about the earlier events, at least for some time.

Mafia!Anakin who has a heart of ice but for you he'd burn the world

Mafia!Anakin who killed a man with the nearest object he could find (a book) just because he dared himself to touch you

Mafia!Anakin who hates to argue with you but when it happens, it always ends in the bed with rough love making

Mafia!Anakin who made love to you in every room, every small or bigger place in your shared penthouse

Mafia!Anakin who sometimes, if you're okay with it or insist yourself, takes out his frustration and indignation on you in bed;

"they're just so stupid" he growled in anger and annoyance, letting it all pour on his rough thrust "They can't do one thing correctly.. I swear to god if they mess up another goddamn thing, I'm going to kill them all. Every. Single. One of them"

"they're so useless. So pathetic." he leaned to kiss your neck "They can't do anything right, can't follow a single simple order to save their lives"

Each thrust in and out seemed to go even deeper, hitting this sweet spot that made you see those delightful stars as moans slipped through your mouth. Your eyes kept fighting to stay open, to see this desperate, awfully beautiful expression on his face. This sweaty curls, all messy and getting to his sharp blue eyes, this clenched jaw, his muscles that ripped and were, especially now, looking more defined and flexible than earlier. Gosh, the sight was enough to bring you over the edge

His eyes turned more soft, his own thrusts becoming more gentle. He was proud of himself, making a complete mess out of you and every time he loved to see you like this. All breathless and with marks all over your skin

"But at least I have you to help me release all this pent up anger.. you're so good at it, tesoro. So good for me...Only you can undo me, angioletto" he whispered, his breath growing ragged with each movement of his hips. "Only you can save me from my anger"

Mafia! Anakin who is a switch; yes, he can be a dominant one but he can easily turn into a submissive boy from only you being on top of him;

"Ani..it's so big.." you mewl, trying to adjust to his size in a new position

your words made him let out a low, pleased moan. He couldn't leave his pretty girl all helpless now, could he? His hands roamed towards your hips to help you move on his lenght "You flatter me, principessa" he groaned "Feels too big for you, does it? Too much?"

As much as his words could be true, you didn't want to admit it. You didn't want to stop it "mh--no..just.. perfect" with his help you lifted and slammed down on his cock

Your actions caused him to throw his head back and dig his long fingers to your soft flesh

"you feel so good..." he mumbled. Seeing you accustom to his size, he moved his hands through your body, feeling the need to squeeze, grope and touch every spot

"Dio, you're gonna be the death of me..." He whispered, driving himself deeper into you to feel more friction

Feeling his member pulsing against your walls only gave you another reason to tease him more, to bring him over the edge in the most pleasant way (for you)

"Oh gods..." he mumbled, his teeth gritted as he felt you increasing your movements "You're gonna...drive me... insane, c-cazzo.."

"you're gonna be a good boy and fill me up?" you moaned, watching his screaming in pleasure face

A shiver run down his body after he had heard your breathless words. There was something about seeing you turn from a sweet girl to a taking charge woman that absolutely turned him on more than he would like to admit

"Y-yeah.." he panted, his eyes opening to fix on her face, "I'll be a good boy for you, I'll fill you up... I'll do anything you say... anything to please you, bella"

Mafia!Anakin who goes absolutely crazy when you surprise him with new lingeries, costumes for cosplays; it all drove him insane

Mafia!Anakin who gives you the experience of three times in a row (making you finish for the three times);

his lips gently pressed against your neck, going up to whisper words in your ear "You tell me if you need to stop. You're so tired, I don't want to go too far and hurt you, ok?"

And you, all weary and sensitive after all what happened, could only nod in response. When his lips were going down your body, to your specific spot, your hand went down to grab at his curls, tugging on some strands around your fingers as he finally wrapped his lips around your clit-all with his eyes on yours

"You'll be walking with a limp tomorrow, mio piccolo coniglio" he mumbled between your flesh

Even if you were already tired, the shockwaves of pleasure went through your body, causing your moans to get louder

"Ani.." you whined breathlessly

The sound of his name leaving your lips made his entire body shudder. He loved the way you'd moan, whine and cry out his name. It was like a drug to him, and he craved it, craved the way you sounded and the way you tasted "Gods I love you" he breathed against your core

"the dearest god..." you moaned as his tongue lapped at your folds, making you arch your back

"You taste so good, sweetheart..can't have enough of you, never can.." he speeded his movements which was enough to make you scream

Mafia!Anakin who often talks to you about his traumatic childhood which obviously made a huge impact on his future

Mafia!Anakin who's basically a criminal; wouldn't hesitate to kill someone if that person was in his way

Mafia!Anakin who finds comforting in teaching you Italian. Just loves hearing you speak that language, even if you may suck at it

I've never really thanked you guys for being here, with me. For all your support, for all the lovely sweet comments. For reaching out to me in my inbox/dms..thank you for 301 followers! Really, love all of you with all my heart. Sending big hugs and kisses!

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @ysrjune @divineani @erosmutt @emmaloo21 @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @fuckmyskywalker

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

[simpjaes]

Have you done a size ranking for Enha’s dick sizes yet ?•_•

not on my blog but boiiiii have i discussed this at length with oomf. let's go ahead and change that tho.

note: i was gonna include pics but tbh i don't rly wanna do that now lmfao sorry. im gatekeeping!!!! you don't have to agree with the sizes im giving them btw, some dude's just have monster cock energy sorry.

★ heeseung:

long and thick. almost too big, sometimes actually too big. takes both hands to jerk him off, and the entire expanse of your throat to swallow him up. honestly, it's so big that you have no choice but to feel each pulse and twitch of it when he's inside of you. the stretch is painful regardless of the position he takes with you, and you're not sure if you could ever get wet enough to ease the sear of it. you don't understand, really, heeseung literally makes you feel like you're being split in half but goddamn does he make it feel amazing at the same time. there are some men out there who have huge cocks and assume that's all they need to pleasure a woman. but oh, oh no no no, heeseung is well aware that you gotta know how to use it too. and boy does he.

☆ jay:

maybe not the longest cock of the bunch but definitely the thickest. for every deep part of you he can't reach, he makes up for it with the way he slams his hips into you, forcing you to feel every thick inch of him. unlike heeseung, you may be able to jerk him off with one hand but it doesn't change the fact that you can't fully wrap your fingers around him, and fitting it into your mouth can be a bit difficult as well. thankfully, jay isn't too worried about teeth when he gets to see you attempt to swallow him up. in fact, the little drag of them scraping the top-side of his cock is something that makes him shiver. he thinks it's cute to see you try and take all of it, actually. never feeling insecure over the fact that while he's definitely not packing anything over 5 to 6 inches, the girth alone is enough to leave a pretty girl calling out his name, begging him to go harder, telling him how good it feels in them.

★sunghoon:

long long long, but not as thick. the reach he can manage is insane, to the point that he'd probably have an obsession with snapping pics of his cock laying between your legs and measuring how far inside of you he's about to put it. visual stimulation, n all that. you can feel him deeper than any one else could probably reach, slamming into your cervix to the point it actually hurts, to the point he could probably have you pregnant in one fuck if you guys wanted to go that route. like that cum wouldn't have to go far at all to reach its goal lmfao jerking him off is easier than anything else, but giving him head can be a bit of a conundrum for you. you can lick and suck all you want with your hand jerking the bottom half of his cock but he's always gonna prefer the feeling of your throat gagging around him instead. he's gonna fuck the whole thing down your throat and adore the way you sound struggling with it.

☆ jake:

a perfect, average, nice cock, for a perfect, not so average, nice man. fits like a puzzle piece and fills you up the perfect amount. enough for it to hurt if he wants it to, enough for him to offer nothing but pure pleasure otherwise. the good thing about jake and his cock is the fact that just about anything can and will get him off, not only because the ease of which it'll fit into you, but because you love every inch of it when he does it. and sure, he can make it feel longer, he can make it feel thicker, all with just a shift of his hips. fr, and he's always shifting them too, trying to reach parts of you he knows he can't. every blowjob is met with gags, of course, because he definitely can't control his hips. every hand job met with the perfect weight in your hand, and every fuck met with a feeling of fullness that renders you capable enough to feel every second of his love rather than having to wince through it and lose your train of thought during certain positions.

[aangelinakii]

aj!!! your work is so beautiful i think i’ve reread it like a million times already!! this is so cliche but i was thinking of oblivious friend!reader dressing up to the nines for a gala and honestly being so fun and charming with everyone but still making time to hang out with jason on the side of the room 🥺 and OOP they both have a crush on each of they’re really hesitant to make a real move 🫣🫣🫣 bonus points if jason says something like you have beautiful eyes when DRUNK at the end of the night 🫢🫢🫢 also on a side note your roy imagine was SO GOOD it hurt my soul i think about it frequently

BIRDS OF A FEATHER.

— we should stick together.

summary : you're the lady of the hour at the birthday party your best friend's family has thrown for you, but you'll always be able to make time for him.

note : THANK YOU SO MUCH OMFGGGF IM LITERALLY CRYINGGGG PLS REQUEST AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NOTE 2 : FEMALE READER SORRY IK YOU DIDNT SPECIFY BUT IT FELT EASIER FOR ME TO DESCRIBE AS I AM A LADYY

warning : this May be my magnum opus

jason didn't think you could ever look any more gorgeous than you already looked every day; each day he saw you, even the times you had major bedhead after waking up, or the times you had a bit of vomit on the corner of your lip from puking in the toilet after a night of clubbing — and he was the one holding back your hair.

not that he would say it, but he'd do anything for you. and not that you would say anything either, but you knew he would, and you'd do the same for him. i'm not too sure if he knows that.

but when you began to step down the foyer of the wayne mansion, chandelier overhead causing your hair to shine, the sparkles on your dress to glitter, and your pearly smile to glint, jason can't deny the weakness in his knees, prepared to fall to them and worship.

he'd have to thank stephanie later, who was trailing behind you smugly in her own formal attire, for her involvement in helping you get ready.

from beside him, dick clapped him on the shoulder, causing him to sway, and the drink in his hand to spill a little over the rim. "wow, she looks amazing," he whispered into jason's ear, that cheeky smile on his face already evident in his tone. "everyone's gonna want to have a bit of her tonight, you'll have to reserve a spot to dance with her. you will dance with her, right?"

it wasn't ideal, dick knowing the way jason felt about you; it was like any moment he could, he just trolled him for it, threatened to let it out to the entire world.

"shut it, dick," jason replied discreetly through gritted teeth, taking a sip of his slightly-emptier champagne to disguise him saying anything at all.

sometimes it was fun referring to dick, because you could never tell if you were calling him by name, or insulting him. in this case, i'll make it easy for you — it's an insult.

nevertheless, already used to jason's verbal abuse, dick flashed a grin and stepped forward to meet you at the bottom of the grand red-carpeted steps.

"happy birthday, pretty lady," dick sang as he wrapped a chaste arm around your shoulders, careful to not over-impose, despite his words.

the beautiful song of a laugh brushed past your painted lips, revealing your perfect teeth — even if not straight, or perfect in the dictionary sense, jason adored your smile, revelled in it. it was perfect to him, if nothing else. "thanks, man," you hummed in return, giving him a platonic squeeze around the shoulders, too.

when you pulled away, your eyes met his. jason's. your best friend's, your one true love's, your soulmate's. just best friends, just one unrequited true love, just platonic soulmates. you were sure of that; that he didn't feel the same way.

as soon as those glittering eyes connected with his, jason gave a quick intake of breath, nervous, practically floored by just one look. he placed his glass down on the ledge of the wall behind him and smoothed down the front of his maroon waistcoat with his other hand, mentally calming himself as you stepped toward him.

immediately, despite your usual closeness, an immense chasm seemed to linger between you. it wasn't everyday you saw each other get so decked up; and jason looked great.

contrasting to before, you let out a more uneasy laugh, arms beginning to raise to pull your best friend into a hug. as much time you spent together, not a lot of it was spent in each other's arms, unsurprisingly. it didn't come naturally, but, finally, once you figured out how to approach the action, your bodies fit together like matching puzzle pieces.

chin coming up to his broad shoulder, you made an effort to not smear lipstick on his jacket, but you couldn't help but feel the urge to sink into him.

"thank you so much," you whispered softly against his neck, arms squeezing his torso tightly, causing a laboured chuckle to ache through him.

careful not to squeeze too much, jason reciprocated the affection, unable to push down a smile. "anything for you, (name). seriously."

but as you pulled away carefully from his body, softly inhaling his oud cologne, you wished that was true. however, it didn't go unacknowledged that he was the reason for this party in the first place. maybe he would do anything.

jason todd, event hater, planning a birthday party for his best friend in wayne manor, inviting all his family you'd come to know and love, your own closest family, and the friends he'd met through you, along with his own friends you'd met through him.

when you peered up at him from beneath dark black eyelashes, you could see an expression on jason's face you'd never caught before; smile the widest you'd ever seen it, although his top two teeth seemed to be sinking into the gum on the inside, trying to hold it back — impossible — and his pale green eyes had halved into crescents, the colour of them almost unnoticable now. but he was happy. looking at you, he seemed so happy.

and your expression bled into the same; same smile, same crescent eyes, cheeks aching with how hard you smiled.

"i better go see everyone else," you finally spoke, voice barely above a whisper, almost silent against the music that had began to play overhead. just before you turning away, your fingers grazed the fabric of the jacket cloaking his forearm. "thanks again. i'll try catch you later."

with that, you disappeared into the crowd — so many people here for you, all because jason wanted them to be — and jason was finally able to let out the breath he'd been holding.

over the night, jason found himself searching for you in the foyer of people, you in your dress, so radiant that no one else had chose it in that colour. no matter where you were, who you were with, you always found a way to stand out, even unintentionally. and it was by no means a bad standing out, it was admirable.

in fact, jason found himself admiring you a lot.

a few hours had gone by, and you were making your rounds, always seeming to pass him by. even if you were clearly on your way to him, someone else managed to whisk you away for another conversation. he was selfish to have organised your birthday party, and still expect your entire, undivided attention.

by now, he'd decided to escape, deeply irritated by a comment timothy drake had made about the way he'd styled his hair — "for once," he'd said, "and it looks horrific." jason knew tim was just pulling his leg, as he tended to do, but he'd already had four glasses of champagne and was missing his best friend, so he disappeared to get some air on one of wayne manor's various balconies.

behind him, the door creaked open, and his immediate response was to go to the defensive. "hey, i'm kinda looking to be alone right now." his voice was gruff, slightly slurred, eyebrows furrowed. but everything dissipated as soon as he saw who had joined him.

"even from the birthday girl?" you'd hummed hopefully, the softness of your smile, and the slight haze of your made-up features from a few drinks, thawing his heart.

watching as the corners of his lips began to tip up, you knew you had your answer, and stepped out onto the stone, carefully closing the glass-paned door behind you.

jason's eyes remained on you as you joined him, unable to stop them running down your form. how could he help it when you looked so amazing in that dress?

after a few beats, jason pulled his — what, fifth? sixth? — glass up to his lips and turned away, mimicking you in gazing out to the starry gotham lights.

"have you been having a good night?" he asked, staring down the bottom of his glass as he replaced it down on the stone banister, fingers careful on the base. he glanced over to you, smile absently forming on his lips as he watched your own lips upturn.

nodding, you looked back up at him, eyes twinkling as they set on him. "yeah, it's been amazing. i can't believe you set all this up for me, jace."

that dreamy, slightly alcoholic tone of your words was exactly what drove jason crazy, up the wall, off his knocker — for you.

"anything for you," jason quoted himself from previously that evening, from just a few hours ago. despite his soft smile, his eyes seemed tired; probably the effect of a few drinks, but you'd had some, too. you probably looked the same.

you could only smile at his words, gazing up at him in adoration. a laugh brushed past your lips, and you extended your elbow out to lightly nudge him in the torso, turning back to gotham, but he didn't flinch.

despite having turned away, you could feel his gaze boring into the side of your head; not judgemental at all, but a soft sting in your skin.

"you look just.. unbelievable tonight," your best friend breathed, a nervousness to his voice, invisible to the untrained ear, and he looked away too. this time, when you glanced over, you could see he was the uncomfortable one, the confidence of champagne having dissipated in a moment.

jaw tensing, he glanced over at you, out the corner of his eye, before looking back ahead.

"and you don't look too shabby yourself," you replied, a chuckle to your words. oh, you'd down-played it so bad; he'd given you an uncommon compliment, and you'd replied like that? shocking.

but jason still smiled, a tension releasing from his broad shoulders, breathing a soft laugh.

still, something wasn't right.

careful, you placed your hand on the back of his, causing him to tense up once more, the veins in the back of his hand popping beneath your palm. "you sure you're okay, jace? you seem... off."

not off, lovesick. but he couldn't say that, could he?

with a dismissive shake of his head, jason shrugged. "i'm fine. long night."

despite humming and turning your attention away, to the horizon, your hand, warm against his skin, remained upon his. sighing in content, you shuffled closer, until your side hit jason's, and you craned your neck to the side, laying upon jason's shoulder.

beneath the weight of your head, his back seemed to deflate, and you were unsure if you'd overstepped. until you felt his head upon yours, and you knew jason was just as happy as you were.

whether he liked you back or not.

[corviiids]

i loved your answer to the ooc question... penny for your thoughts on the Core of ren and goro? 👉👈🥺

rubbing my little bug hands together i dunno that i can capture all my whole... mental Akeshu Bible... in one post... but here are some notes on what i'd consider one of the most key points for each.

basically the way this works for me is ill have like a central piece of understanding sitting at the core of how i work with a character, and then let instinct guide their dialogue/behaviour from there.

i wrote a thesis again. two in fact. jesus christ

goro - sincerity is mystifying, dangerous, and impossible, but alluring.

can i talk about light yagami for a second. are we all going to be okay with it if i do that. that's going to make this easier for me to explain

i think light yagami and goro akechi have almost nothing in common once we get past the most obvious similarities - the cynicism borne of shattered once-upon-a-time idealism, the willingness to turn to radical action, the bad hair. anyway the difference i want to point out arises from another key similarity which i think only exists on the surface - the "evil underside true self" counterpart to the "pleasant preppy perfect boy" persona. looks the same. but the difference is that light never struggles with that falsehood, and akechi clearly does.

what i mean by that is i think to light, his perfect persona is nothing more than a simple disguise, albeit one he's been wearing a while without knowing why. he doesn't really have a fractured sense of self, because it's clear that the light yagami who is kira is the True self. the light yagami who is just a nice young man is mostly a falsehood to the point light sees him as a character to be played. (ok this is also an oversimplification but go with me for now. okay. that's the basic of it. just accept this for the sake of argument. this aint about him)

goro is very different. i think in the lead-up to the interrogation room, goro understands himself in a similar way, but after the interrogation room that perception is called into question. okay, i think about the interrogation room scene a lot, because i really didn't like goro's behaviour in that scene when i first played it, i thought it was a very cheap and superficial way to reveal his identity as the traitor by making him act as cartoonishly villainous as possible. and tbh i dont want to give atlus too much credit for creating a super nuanced scene there so what im about to propose is probably unintentional. but anyway, i eventually came around to it because i decided that that cartoonish villanousness must be a choice to goro. at that point in time, goro's perception of himself is akin to light's understanding of kira: black mask/shido's assassin/evil motherfucker is "the true goro", and pleasant boy detective prince is nothing but a mask.

and here i would like to bring up a complicating factor which makes light and goro very, very different. light wants to live. he refuses the shinigami eyes because he wants to exist in his new world to rule over it indefinitely. goro's plan on the other hand has a fixed timeline. goro is aware, and tells us in the engine room, that once his public reputation is shattered, he has nothing. goro's plan involves outing shido by outing himself. ergo, goro's plan is to take shido to the top and then torpedo them together, leaving them both with nothing.

what does this mean? light yagami's mask protects kira - light's true self and a man who wants to live. goro akechi's mask serves the black-masked assassin, but the black-masked assassin serves shido, a role which is just as deceptive as the detective prince. which means goro akechi's disguise protects a self that isn't real, either. it feels disingenuous to say that the version of akechi who exists to be shido's attack dog is his true self. so that goofy villainous smile in the interrogation room is, to me, goro convincing himself that that evil face is who he really is, not realising it's another facade he's playing up - but while the prince's audience is the public, the assassin's audience is goro himself. after that whole thing goes down, i think it becomes clearer that that evil face was goro pretending to himself that he's just a straight up villain who doesn't care about anything because that's easier than conceding that you might feel some complicated way about the self-loathing and bitterness you've been nurturing since childhood.

but wait, there's definitely also truth to the black mask. there's no way to deny that the akechi who attacks them in the engine room had a ton of truth to him that the detective prince lacked. but, wait. goro doesn't perfectly keep up the facade with the detective prince, either, because there are definitely times where he's being honest even when he's being the pleasant boy.

okay, where does that leave us? light has one layer of falsehood (light protects kira), but goro has at least two (detective prince protects black mask protects ???) so what the hell is goro hiding? where's the true self? is the version of akechi who showed up in the interrogation room the black mask, or is it shido's assassin? are those two different guys who overlap? does this mean everything the detective prince said is suspect? we don't know which one is true, but we know they're both lying.

okay. why? what's wrong with him? i should get to my actual fucking point maybe?

this is the central thesis of his shadows in palacefic btw. rather than being divided into a relatively clean true/false like light, goro's true self is split between his personae. every time you talk to any version of goro akechi, you're getting some lies but you're also getting some sincerity. i think goro doesnt know who he is because he doesn't see any particular use for having a real self at the end of the day, only masks he can use to achieve his ends.

except you can't actually kill your true self. it sticks around. so the most he can do is fragment it. but the consequence is the shards get stuck in his masks. every time he tries to put on a mask, a shred of truth peeks out. i think goro wants to not exist and not be known, but inside every mask he wears is a true part of him that desperately DOES want to be known, but can't allow it, but wants it, but is scared of it, but wants it, but hates it, but will die if it happens, but wants it.

what you end up with is a really self-contradictory guy where every time he talks, the things he's saying are simultaneously true and false. it's the worst with ren, because he's really interested in ren, but allowing ren to know him is suicide. light's really good at playing the part because he has no investment in the part, it's purely fake, and all his investment is in his true self. but goro is invested in each of his masks, because each of his masks contains part of him for real and there's no unified self to return to at the end of the day. so he struggles way more with the act than light does, because there's a part of him, however small, that really wants to drop the mask. but he can't, because there's nothing behind it, so there's nothing he can do

anyway when i write goro's dialogue and behaviour, it's not just writing a guy lying and playing a part because he needs the cover, it's goro injecting himself into mould after mould after mould and trying to keep a balance of how much he can reveal vs how much he needs to keep close to his chest. this is why he talks so fucking much, it's why his speech mannerisms aren't always perfectly polished, it's why the mask slips so often, it's why he's so cartoonishly evil at times, and it's why while light yagami is a popular guy who has everyone around him perfectly fooled, goro akechi is really only able to appeal to the subset of fans who are keen on his particular celebrity style while other people find him kind of annoying and disingenuous. when im writing akechi in xyz situation, it's a process of working out which mask he's wearing, what he wants to achieve, what he's hiding, how much he can or would slip, and what that slip might look like. i think this is heightened because of his circumstances, but i also think goro would be incredibly guarded and paranoid no matter what his circumstances were (although the murder might decrease a little).

tl;dr: goro akechi tries to do away with his sense of self but only succeeds in splitting it into a hundred million pieces covered in lies, each of which is desperate to be known but shies away with equal desperation

ren - in a distant relationship with the sense of self

idk that thats the right word but basically i think in true persona protag fashion, and as alluded to by beneath the mask / the power of the wild card / etc the relationship between ren's personae and his 'true self' is more complicated and detached than most of the other characters. i dont agree that the protags are true "blank slate" protagonists in the meta sense but i do think ren is a "blank slate" person in-text in that simultaneously he has extremely strong core values and beliefs which are absolutely immovable, and traits which shine through even in his limited speech, but the manifestation of his personality is a lot more malleable than say ryuji's is. ren is very flexible and wears a different mask depending on who he's talking to. i think that requires a level of detachment which manifests as basically centering his companion's character + needs in a given interaction over his own. this doesnt just come through in his dialogue but also in the way he internally reflects on what's happening.

the way this manifests most obviously in how i write him is that my ren (in texts especially but also in dialogue) has a tendency to omit his personal pronoun (in subject position).

that gives him kind of a laid-back vibe. he has a habit of omitting the first part of a sentence entirely.

he adds it back in when he's talking about something more serious, very alert, feeling uncomfortable, etc. it happens a lot when he talks to akechi because he needs to be very switched on during those conversations to keep up.

idk i know that for some people the joy of having a protagonist character is being able to make them into whoever you want them to be - so your ren might be extra flirty for example which i think is a really popular characterisation of him because it's fun and it has some basis in his dialogue, and it's a choice i went with for a while before i started shifting away from it. recently i've been way more interested in trying to reconcile this really strong-willed guy with a clearly rich and rebellious inner life with the quiet slouched character who says like 3 words every conversation and who really never reveals anything about himself. like, imagine he's a real person and not just a blank slate protagonist i can push and pull - how do i make his little mousy 8< self work with the fact that he's an international criminal without adding something on top that isn't already there in him? i think there's a way to do it and i think the way to do that is to have him internalise as much as possible. for everything he says, there are a billion things he doesn't say. that makes it really fucking difficult to actually portray him sometimes because his rich inner life can really only come through if we have access to his inner monologue, and if he's not the pov character we don't, but you know, i love a stupid fucking self imposed challenge. ren amamiya is like laying breadcrumb clues in his dumb ass 3 word dialogue options that im crawling over like weevils with a magnifying glass

but he DOES leave clues! so many of his dialogue options are sarcastic and dry or straight up goofy. so he's funny, he's deadpan, he can be impatient. but if you take that too far in dialogue, it gets overplayed, and he loses his taciturn charm, so you have to pull it back, because he's restrained, not overt. he's quippy, he's not wordy. he's a show-off, but in a self-assured way. he will never indicate in any way that he wants you to look at him. he'll just make sure he's so impressive that you can't look away. if he winks, it's like he's keeping a secret between you, not like he's putting on a show. he delivers one-liners only, not full jokes, and the setup and knockdown has to be in the same breath. if his thoughts can't be condensed into one sentence, two or three max, he doesn't say them, he keeps it to himself. whether his emotions show on his face depend on how well you can read him, and it depends who he's with, it depends how recently he's been joker, it depends if there's some extenuating factor in there that's going to make him crack. ren's more likely to crack if he's standing up for someone else.

his inner monologue is just as interesting to grapple with because my ren is pretty repressed. the more upset he is, the more he distances himself from how he's actually feeling. he's very good at deflecting people and he's also very good at deflecting himself - focus on someone else, focus on the environment around him, focus on some physical sensation, don't get too far into his own head, or else

tl;dr: ren handles himself with a mix of internalising and externalising by swallowing down everything he might want to say out loud but outsourcing and distancing from his sense of self to keep himself steady

[issi-loves-dannyric]

Moonlight- LH44

A/N: No I will never get over this GIF

Warning: smut with a little angst if you squint

This was inspired by the song Girls Just Wanna Have Some - Chromatics. You don't understand how much I love that song right now. Im going to do more song-based stories because these ideas are cooking for real.

Girls, they wanna have fun

“What is this Carlos?” 

“Baby come on” he sighs putting on his shoes 

“No what is this? I mean you hide me from the world, telling people we are just best friends but  is that all?” 

“We are friends. I have to go to the track, we can talk about it later. Don't forget your pass.” He says as he walks out of the hotel

Friends don't touch each other like we do

-

“Y/n” someone calls from behind as I walk towards the Ferrari garage 

“Lewis” turning to the man walking up

“Haven’t seen you without Carlos in a while” He says hugging me close. I knew Lewis had a crush on me for a long time, he even asked me out on dates but somehow Carlos was always around to prevent me from answering. 

“Yeah…sorry,” I say unwrapping my arms from him.

“For what?” He asks tilting his head to the right.

“For ignoring you for Carlos,” I reply continuing my dreaded walk to Ferrari.

“He’s your best friend, I understand” He replies following after me 

“Now more like just a close friend,” I say getting to the garage and earning a confused look.

“What do you mean by that?” He asks but somehow Carlos appears as usual knowing I won't tell him in front of Carlos he drops it to greet Carlos. 

“I’ll text you later,” I say avoiding Carlos’s confused look. 

“Yeah, well it was nice seeing you guys but you know, need to head over to Mercedes.” He says turning around not waiting for a response. 

“What was that?” Carlos asks 

“Nothing,” I reply walking away from him to sit where I will be for the rest of the race. 

“Drivers room?” He leans down asking as I look at my phone not daring to open my messages with Lewis near Carlos.

“You got a job to do” I reply earning a sigh

“I got time” 

“Focus on the race” I reply still scrolling on Instagram.

“Fine” he mumbles walking away from me, taking the chance I quickly explain to Lewis what was going on not expecting a response till after the race. I was surprised that he read it right before I could escape the message and responded.

“Y/n, you’re my friend, and I'm putting my feelings for you aside. You're not being seen as a person to him, you’re an object he uses anytime. I care about you but I respect your choices, you need to decide whether you are getting what you want from him or not. I will be your friend no matter what” 

Of course, Lewis was real about the situation, making the decision easier.

“You’re right, after the race is over, I need to leave.” I texted back 

“You know where you’re going next?”

y/n: Back home in Monaco 

Read

Closing the messages, I open Twitter looking at fans posting pictures of me ignoring Carlos for my phone already. Some defended while others were upset if only they knew what was going on. 

Lewis: Ignore what they're saying about you, You know the truth and you're going to do what's best for you. 

Y/n: I'm trying to, I'm going to deactivate my main socials once I leave. Only use my private accounts but even then I’ll ignore them.

Lewis: You know I'm there always, anytime. 

Y/n: Thank you Lew

Lewis: Of course

Turning off my phone finally I look up watching them start getting ready for the race Alex comes to sit with me putting on the headphones with me doing the same. Charles came over to get a good luck kiss from her with Carlos following behind but did not stop by me. Turning back on my phone, I text Lewis once again:

Good luck Lew, be safe, please. 

Hitting send before once again turning off my phone. 

-

The garage was erupting with joy as Charles came in 2nd place with Lewis in 1st and Max in  3rd, Alex pulling me with her as goes to greet Charles. 

“Good job,” I say smiling to Charles as he lets go of Alex. 

“Thank you Y/n. Carlos is probably in his driver's room” He replies assuming I would be going to comfort him. 

“He’ll be fine, it's not about him right now,” I say smiling at him before he’s taken away again. Feeling a buzz in my pocket I look down to see a message from Lewis. 

Lewis: I guess you’re now my lucky charm.

Y/n: Congratulations Lew

Read

“y/n,” Alex says pulling me towards the ceremony. 

“What's going on with you?” 

“Nothing,” I say while shrugging not trying to convince her. She attempts to push further but the ceremony starts. 

Lewis stands on the tallest spot holding the trophy up in the air before looking down onto the crowd. His smile widens when he looks toward where Alex and I stand, cameras immediately follow his gaze to me causing my face to heat up.

-

Moving my stuff back into my suitcase, I go through the big hotel once again making sure I have everything with me. This situationship with Carlos can't go on anymore, I'm mentally exhausted from trying to be with someone who doesn't want the same thing as me. Carlos stopped messaging and calling me after last night when I refused once again. 

Lewis: Are you leaving today?

Y/n: yeah, I'm following through with the plan. 

Lewis: Text me when you get home so I know you're safe

Y/n: of course 

-

Y/n: Im home safely 

Lewis: Good, I'll be in Monaco in a few days, see me when I get there.

Y/n: yeah, where are we going?

Lewis: how about we take Roscoe on my boat and just hang out for the day?

Y/n: Sounds good to me, I miss the baby boy

Lewis: I think you want to see him more than me

Y/n: No I love you both equally

Lewis: Sure, get some rest. I’ll see you soon.

-

Staring into the water I feel Lewis's presence behind me. 

“You know how to swim right?” 

“Yeah,” I replied looking back at him and seeing the smirk on his face. Quickly clocking what he’s about to do I try my best at pleading him not to.

“Lew no, no!” I shriek as he picks me up tossing me into the cold water. I feel him dive in near me as I break the surface and wipe my face so I can open my eyes. He breaks the surface immediately doing the same as me then pulling me closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around my waist securing me tightly to him. 

“Rude” I pout earning a chuckle from him causing me to turn the pout into a smile. 

“You looked like you wanted to swim.” He says shrugging moving one hand to my thigh and pulling it to wrap around his waist. Now holding onto him with my arms and legs, his hands go back to my waist but lower. Looking into his eyes they shift between my eyes to lips, “I want to kiss you” he states watching my face for a reaction. 

“Why not do it?” I respond tilting my head to the side and smirking. 

“It’s not a good idea…” he trails off looking away from me putting his head to the crook of my neck. 

“Sounds like you don’t believe that” I counter

“Your situation with Carlos…” 

“Who said I still want him?”

“What do you mean” he asks, the feeling of his lips brushing against my neck making me tighten my grip on him slightly. 

“You saw how he treated me, why would I still want him? Maybe I want someone else” The last sentence made him move his head to look at her. Looking between her lips once again, “god Lewis just kiss me already” I groan out getting impatient but he doesn’t need to be told again cause his lips are on mine. Hugging me even closer to him, his right hand drifts to my butt grabbing it. Moaning a little into the kiss he sticks his tongue into my mouth. 

“We should probably go back onto the boat with Roscoe,” I say pulling away from him to go to the ladder. 

“Ladies first,” he says allowing me to go up first. 

“Just say you want to see my ass next time” 

“So there’s a next time” 

“Of course” I reply going over to where Roscoe lies on the couch in the shade. “Hey baby boy,” I say in a baby voice scratching his head. 

“Why don’t you greet me like that” Lewis says watching her interact with the dog

“Your daddy is jealous of you Roscoe,” I say still paying attention to said dog. 

“I’m not jealous but you can keep calling me that,” he says with a smirk causing me to raise an eyebrow at him. “Just saying” he shrugs sitting next to Roscoe also petting the dog. Thinking of an idea, I walk up to Lewis straddling him. 

“So you want me to call you daddy huh?” I ask tilting my head down slightly at him. 

“Coming from you…it’s nice” he responds rubbing his hands on my thighs. Dipping my head into the crook of his neck I start kissing up and down it. He grips my thighs pulling even tighter against him. Removing my lips from his neck I peck his lips before shifting to get off him. Tugging me back to him my heat brushes against his now hardened dick making me breathe unsteadily for a second. “Should go back” I say with our lips barely touching. 

“Who is it that you want now?” He says not letting go or moving further

“You already know Lewis.” 

“Say it” he replies almost like he’s out of breath. 

“I want you, Lewis. Only want you” I tell him, he pulls me into a deep kiss. Wrapping an arm around my waist and a hand on my butt pulling me to grind on his hard dick. “As much as I want to do more, Roscoe is right next to us,” I say looking over at the sleeping dog. 

“You’re right” he sighs like he’s giving up. “We could do it in the kitchen or the bedroom you know” 

“Lewis!” I shout making him laugh

“I’m only kidding love” he replies kissing my shoulder before letting me go. 

“Come back to my house?” He asks moving to steer the boat. 

“Of course” I reply going back to cuddling and scratching Roscoe. 

-

“Go lay down,” he tells Roscoe after taking his harness off him. 

“You come here,” he says looking up at me. Moving from the doorway once I’m close enough he takes my hand in his, “Let’s finish what you started”. Pressing his lips to mine he lets go of my hand wrapping an arm around my waist and the other hand behind my neck. Letting go of my lips, he kisses down my neck making me grip onto him more and whimper. Kissing my lips softly before pulling me into his room. Taking my phone from me, tossing it onto the bed, Immediately going back to kiss me, pulling the bottom of my shirt up. Taking it off the rest of the way, he follows my actions looking down at me with blow pupils as he realizes I had nothing under the shirt. 

“Fuck” he whispers pulling me closer to him, then pushing me down onto the mattress. Moving to be above me he attacks my lips once again. Kissing down to my neck, to my collarbone, stopping at my boobs. Putting one in his mouth and squeezing the other with his hand causes me to moan. Letting go of my boobs, his free hand moves to the loose shorts I had put on while he harshly kisses my neck. Tugging the shorts slightly before I shift under him telling him to move so I can take them off.

Once they’re off I’m left naked in his bed, he does the same with his shorts going back on top of me. Quick to put his lips on mine, his hands wander across my body while I pull him closer. His right-hand makes its way onto my pussy. Rubbing it before putting his fingers in caused me to moan into my mouth. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful” he pauses resting his forehead on mine. “I’m so selfish, if I could have you all to myself I would. No one ever touches you like I do.” He says curling his fingers in me making me moan while looking up at him. 

“Make me all yours then” pressing my lips to his, reciprocating the kiss back. His fingers start working harder making me moan in the kisses more. 

“All mine.” He states while moving to my neck leaving marks but I can’t care, right? “My good girl” he adds curling his fingers again. 

“Lewis please fuck me“ I moan out wanting nothing more than to also please him. 

“You want me to fuck you?” He asks pulling his fingers out leaning back, pulling my hips signaling for me to turn onto my hands and knees. Rubbing my entrance with his fingers and tip, he repeats his question. “You want me to fuck you, love?” 

“Yes,” I breathed out “Please” I added. 

“Good girl,” he says pushing into me finally. We both moan as he slowly enters, “taking me so well”. He starts to gently and slowly thrust into me being careful. No longer being tense from the initial intrusion I push back into his thrusts. Taking that as a sign he starts moving faster, leaving us both moaning and groaning from the pleasure. 

Feeling my phone buzz somewhere on the bed slows down but doesn’t stop. 

“Who’s the fuck is calling?” I groan out feeling him lean over he grabs it reading the name. 

“Carlos is”

“Ignore it, block him after you fuck me,” I say while pushing into the slow thrusts. 

“Answer it,” he says handing me the phone

“Why?” 

“Just do it,” he says pushing in hard.

“Fine” I moan out not wanting to still. “What” I answer 

“You’ve been ignoring me.” He states 

“Oh oops,” I struggle out while he picks up his pace, putting his hand in my hair he tugs my head back so he can what he’s doing to me.  

“I miss you” 

“No you don’t” I breathe out trying to hold in my moans. 

“I do, I miss my friend, I miss our time together.” 

“You miss the sex” I groan out which could be mistaken for annoyance and unknowingly to him it’s from pleasure. 

“What’s the difference?”

“God you’re fucking pathetic” groaning out again trying to hide the pleasure Lewis is causing me. 

“What are you doing right now? I’m in Monaco right now”

“Not home, busy actually” I breathe out 

“Too busy for me?” He asks hope to get what he wants. Lewis getting tired of trying to be quiet grabs the phone. 

“Yeah, she’s a little doing other things you know?” He says finally fucking me harder and louder making me moan. Before Carlos could say anything he ended the call tossing the phone aside. Pulling me up towards him more by my hair, “You’re such a good girl huh?” 

“Yes,” I moan out louder. 

“Yes…” he trails off slamming himself into me. His other hand grabbed my throat. 

“Yes Daddy” I moan out making him groan. 

“All mine, only mine” he states letting go of me, allowing me to go back to leaning on my arms. Pulling out he turns me onto my back, he reinserts himself into me. “I want to watch you cum on my dick.” He says using one hand to rub my clit and the other to grope my boobs. 

“Lewis, I’m close” I moan out harder

“Yeah, fuck me too. You’re such a good girl, taken my dick well.” 

“Fuck cum in me please” I moan out as he leans forward pressing kisses up my chest to my lips. 

“You want me to cum in you?” 

“Yes, please” again moan into his kiss “I’m going cum”

“Cum on my dick” he states fastening his pace both hands and thrusts. Tighten onto his dick, arching my back as he continues his thrusts. Not longer after my release he comes, painting my insides with his cum. Pulling out he collapsed next to me, pulling me into his side. 

“I mean it, I want you to be my girlfriend” Lewis breathes out after catching his breath slightly. 

“I want to be your girlfriend” I reply looking up at him. Smiling widely he kisses me hard holding me closely. “As much as I want to lay with you, we need to get cleaned up.”

“You’re right, come shower with me baby girl”

—

The cameras that followed him felt like they weren't even there, he never moved far from me when they were around him. 

Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.

He jumped at the chance to show me off at the races. Holding my hand as we walked through the paddock, pulling me closer for pictures and only letting go to greet people but his hand quickly found mine. Becoming his girlfriend was the best decision I have made. 

- 

 This race, in particular, went on the anxiety was up, Max leading with Lewis following behind and Lando in third. Crossing the finish line he jumped out running over pressing his lips to mine immediately, “Told you, you are my lucky charm.”

“Congratulations amor, Te Amo”

“I love you too,” He says hugging me as close as he can. “I have media stuff to do, wait in the motor home,” he says before walking away.

Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the world,

I want to be one to walk in the sun. 

“Are you serious with him?” The voice of Carlos speaks up before I can slip into Lewis’s room. 

“Yes,” I say walking away feeling like I’m going to throw up…again actually. 

“What about our friendship?” He asks pouting 

“I don’t know, I need to go though” I sigh trying to get to the motorhome faster, feeling worse. 

The second I’m in the home, I lay on the bed with Roscoe coming up to my stomach. Nudging me slightly for pets rest his head on my stomach now. Drifting off into a nap until I’m woken by Roscoe’s growling. Opening my eyes and looking at where he’s growling it’s the door where his dad is coming. 

“ cálmate Roscoe” I groan feeling sick once again. 

“Roscoe it’s just me” Lewis speaks out walking closer, Roscoe now standing to protect me. 

“Roscoe it’s your dad” I groan again wanting nothing but silence so I can focus on not getting sick. This time he lets up moving to lay back down with me close to my stomach again. 

“Baby you okay?” Lewis asks brushing hair away from my face

“Yeah,” I quietly say with my eyes closed. 

“Are you sure?” he asks getting concerned. 

“Just not feeling great” I answered hoping the conversation would go away. Of course, it wouldn’t. 

“When we get back to Monaco, you need to see a doctor. Most of the time now you don’t feel good. I’m concerned.” 

“I know mi amor, I will. I want to go to the hotel and nap, go celebrate with the others mi amor.” I say finally shifting upwards. Slowly getting up from the bed Lewis is quick to make sure I’m walking alright. 

“No I’ll stay with you,” he tells me, not having the energy to fight him I just nod. 

-

The flight home wasn’t much better but some solace in it was that I was going to the doctors soon to figure out what was going on. Lewis holding me close as Roscoe will let him, “Just got to get through today then you're going to know what’s going on” he mumbles into my hair. 

“Mhm,” I agree, keeping my eyes shut and avoiding any lights. 

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I’ll be okay amor,” I tell him finally opening my eyes to look at him. Pressing my lips to his cheek, “I love you” I mumble still placing kisses on his cheek before settling my head onto his shoulder once again. 

“I love you too, are you sure you don’t want me to drive you? I just want you to be safe, I don’t have to be in meetings tomorrow.” He asks again 

“Lew, I promise I can handle a short appointment. It’s probably something like chronic migraines. It’ll be fine, stop worrying and I will tell you what they say”

“Okay okay I will stop mi amor” he replies giving up and cuddling into me rubbing my back. Roscoe quickly noticed, coming up between us. “Roscoe come on buddy, again?” Lewis sighs but gives in to what the dog wants. 

“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” He asks earning a nod from me

-

“Congratulations, you’re going to be a mother. Other than that, the tests came back fine. It’s probably just morning sickness seeing as how you are only in your first trimester.” The doctor states making my heart drop, I’m going to be a mother and Lewis will be a father. We’ve never talked about it, we’ve only been together a little over a month. 

-

Going home first I shower then change my outfit to something loose. Looking in the mirror I finally notice I do look bloated but not much. I pick up my phone and keys before going back to Lewis’.

Walking into Lewis' apartment, Roscoe is quick to greet me at the door. Trying to wag the tail he doesn’t have so he’s shaking his butt excited to see me. “Hey baby boy,” I say quietly squatting to his level scratching his ears. 

“Hey baby,” Lewis says walking into the living room from the hallway. 

“Hey amor, thought you were going to go to meetings,” I say looking back at Roscoe who flopped to his side. 

“They were canceled, how was the doctor?” Asking the question I was dreading. Standing up from where I was squatting feeling I slight dizziness I pause rubbing my head. Lewis quickly makes his way over holding my face, “what’s wrong” he asks getting concerned. 

“Might want to sit down” I say looking up at his concerned face. Letting go of my face pulling me to the couch with him. Watching my face closely he speaks up, “Baby you’re scaring me just tell me what’s wrong”

“Okay okay” I sigh pausing and looking at Roscoe who got up between us again. “You’re going to be a father, surprising,” I say quickly making a shocked face. 

“You’re-“ pausing “Pregnant? You’re not fucking with me right” he breathes out. 

“I’m serious, amor,” I tell him still unsure of his reaction, but he smiles now. 

“I’m going to be a father” he repeats excitedly, “I wouldn’t want anyone else to have a family with” putting his hand under my chin causing me to smile. 

“I love you” pressing my lips to his 

“I love you so much” murmuring into the kiss. 

-

For the next 2  and a half months, Lewis and I move in together while looking for a house to buy. His words were that he wanted the baby to grow up in a nice house where it could grow. Lewis was adamant about hiring movers so I didn't stress my body. The past few race weekends I spent inside, in general, I've been inside. I'm not hiding that I'm pregnant but not shouting it at the top of my lungs. Plus the first stages of pregnancy were hard on my body.

This is the first race in a while that I decided I could attend announcing that we are going to be parents.

“Baby, are you sure you want to go?” Lewis asks as I get ready to leave the hotel with him.

“I'm sure Amor, besides Alex, will be there in case I need something,” I reply moving closer to him, putting my arms around his neck. “Stop worrying so much about me and worry about the race,” I tell him while pecking his cheek. 

“Fine but I'm still going to worry about you guys” He replies letting go of me and grabbing the keys, roscoes leash, and keycard to the room. 

-

The media were quick to snap pictures of us walking together hand in hand. The second they notice the bump the flashes start to go off faster. 

“Y/n” Alex shouts seeing me again for the first time in months. Letting go of Charles she starts walking fast over to us with Charles following with Leo in hand. “Oh my god, I didn’t know you were pregnant” she squeals hugging me before letting go, looking at my bump. Lewis and Charles greeted each other while watching us,  “I’m the godmother right?” She asks with a serious look

“If you want to be then yes” I giggle making her excited. 

“I have to go to the garage, call me if you need anything. Come to the garage before the race starts” Lewis tells me wrapping an arm around my lower back and leaning to kiss me. 

“I will” I reply pecking him and taking Roscoe from him who is happy to be with me. Turning back to Alex Charles is also making his way to the Ferrari Garage leaving Leo in Alex’s hands. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me” she marveled walking further into the paddock. 

“The only people I told were our families and of course Wolff family as well” I comfort her.

“Have you picked names at all or know the gender” 

“No, and no, haven’t thought of names and choosing to wait to find out the gender.”

“So a surprise?” 

“Yup, but we should start thinking of names. We’ve been so busy with the house-buying process  that haven’t stopped to think of other things.”

“You guys are buying a house” she excitedly asks.

“Yeah, we want the baby to have a childhood home. Should be another month until it’s ours officially”

“Oh my god please tell me you’re going to invite some people over to see it.” She asked getting excited again

“I think we will” I smile 

“I don’t want to dampen the mood but have you seen Carlos yet?”

“Haven’t bumped into him yet, haven’t even spoken to him since the last race I attended.” I shrug. 

“I’m going to the Ferrari garage now, do you want to come with me? I don’t want to stress you out.” She asks concerned

“I’ll come with, I was friends with some of the mechanics so would be nice to see them again,” I reply looking back down at Roscoe who’s staring at me. Walking beside her a Mercedes admin is coming up to us. 

“Y/n, we want to film some content with Roscoe right now, do you mind if we take him?” Nodding I had the leash over to her smiling at the confused dog. The admin pulls the leash to get his attention but the dog doesn’t budge.

“Roscoe go with her baby,” I tell him waving not being able to bend down to his level safely here. Finally, the dog sadly waddles with the admin. 

“You know a lot of people say their dogs became extremely protective of their owners when a baby is on the way,” Alex says petting Leo’s ears. 

“Really?” I ask thinking about the time when Roscoe got in between Lewis and me or even stood guard randomly. 

“Yeah I guess so”

“That makes sense oh my god. Remember the last race I attended?” I ask her 

“Yeah”

“Well I bumped into Carlos while I was starting to feel sick, I went to Lewis’ motorhome to lay down. Roscoe came over to cuddle and when Lewis was trying to come in, Roscoe was going crazy. He was barely allowing him to come over to me.” I explain 

“Aw oh my god, you guys have the cutest family already”

“I know” I giggle being cocky with her rolling her eyes jokingly. Stepping into the garage handing Leo to Joris to take him to Charles’ driver's room. 

“Y/n” one of the mechanics shouts looking up from the car, “we heard the rumors you’re going to be a mom!” He continues looking at my bump,” So it’s true!” 

“Yes baby Hamilton coming soon” I laugh rubbing the bump. 

“The baby’s going to be a Ferrari fan correct?” Another asks crossing his arms 

“Of course, it’s dad will be your driver next season, and besides everyone is a Ferrari fan at heart,” I replied, earning a laugh and excitement from them. From behind one of them, I could see Carlos standing watching our interaction. “As much as I would like to stay, got to go to Mercedes. I will see you guys again soon and more next season” I say happily making my way towards the exit. 

“Y/n, do you want me to drop you off?” Alex asks concerned much like Lewis

“I will be okay” I confirm hugging her and kissing her cheeks. Letting go I make my way towards Mercedes. 

“Y/n” the one voice I didn’t want to hear speaks up, ignoring him I try to keep going towards the garage. “Y/n wait come on”

“Carlos please leave me alone” I groan.

“I just want to know something, is it his?” He asks making me annoyed. 

“Yes Carlos it is, wouldn’t have been anyone else”

“Are you sure?” he asks not believing me 

“He is the only person I’ve been with for how long I am. Now leave me alone” demanded walking off faster. The second I’m in the garage, Lewis is focused on a screen, I sit with Susie Wolff who looks concerned seeing how upset I look. 

“Hey, everything okay?” She quietly asks trying not to gather attention, especially from Lewis. 

“Just bumped into Carlos and he tried implying that Lewis isn’t the father. I told him there’s no chance it’s someone else’s. It’s not even a big deal but just- you know how pregnancy hormones are” I sigh still trying to be quiet. 

“Of course, I’m always here for you.” She says rubbing my knee making me smile at her. Leaning back into the chair I pull my phone out to see Lewis and I are trending with pictures of us together. “Bringing back your socials?” Lewis asks over my shoulder. 

“Think so, maybe make an official announcement” I smile turning to look up at him in his race suit already.

“I support whatever you do” he states pressing a kiss to my lips. 

“Alright, lover boy time to get in the car” Toto comes up putting his hands on his shoulders. 

“Alright alright.”

“I love you” pressing another kiss to my lips before letting go. 

“I love you too”

-

“Lewis Hamilton taking the Italian Grand Prix win, Verstappen in second, and in Charles Leclerc. This win is big for Hamilton as this is the first race in a long time that his pregnant girlfriend has attended.” 

Lewis runs over to the team hugging everyone before taking me in his arms, “all for you and our baby” he says muffled from the helmet. Kissing the front of it I let him go do his after-race interviews. Quickly met up with Alex again for the podium ceremony holding hands with her as we stood in the front with Ferrari, Redbull, and Mercedes teams close by us. Lewis standing on the highest podium holding the trophy in the air before kissing it. All eyes were on him but his directed only on me. Smiling I said “I love you” making him smile harder before doing it back. 

Liked by LewisHamilton, Charles_leclerc, Alexandrasaintmleux and 2,000,981 others

Y/nofficial: Baby Hamilton coming soon

LewisHamilton: My girl and our baby❤️ te amo

-y/nofficial: te amo❤️

Daniel Ricciardo: no more having to listen to him whine that you rejected him

-LewisHamilton: now just me simply for my girl

-Y/nofficial: who taught you that?

-LewisHamilton: I’m not old

-LandoNorris: lies 

Charles_Leclerc: if Alex is godmother then I’m godfather right?

-y/nofficial: haha

-Charles_Leclerc: RIGHT???

-LewisHamilton: don’t worry you are

-landonorris: why not me

-danielricciardo: Lando you’re a baby yourself, I should be godfather

-georgerussel: I should be

-Yukitsunoda0511: I should be

User1: not them fighting the be godfather 

-landonorris: it’s an important title, more than world champion 

-user2: LANDO LMAO

User3: Lewis and Y/n becoming is something I didn’t know I needed. 

User4: Carlos crying right now 

-Liked by LewisHamilton 

User5: Y/n is back and announced she is pregnant! I’m crying, you’re crying, we all are crying

-user6: Confirmed

-user7: Confirmed

I wanna be the one to walk in the sun

AN: requests are still open for all drivers, if I don't do yours then I might be struggling with ideas. I will try my best to get around to all.

Ofc also if you want more F1 friends my requests are there and we can become mutual.

[beddybites]

Do yiu have any tips on like how to attract more attention 😭 it's been a good while and it's a huge struggle of keeping motivation and not so amazing art so it's hard to sure my characters and their stories bc one thing a can say in confidence is I am a good writer I'd like to think, people tell me I have and oddly good but cryptic way of writing that keeps people enthralled, but my biggest struggle is getting them interested in the first place 😭

hi there!! i admittedly dont really know much about the world of writing and how to gain more attention there, but i can try to give tips and see what applies & sticks!

start off short & simple and build it up over time

if you start off with something big and complicated there will be more pressure to keep things big and complicated. theres nothing wrong with short and simple and mixing it up here & there (ie with art: if you only post full pieces with extravagant rendering people will keep expecting it. mix it up a bit. i try posting a variety of sketches and doodles and more detailed things— sometimes some things do better than others and thats ok!

it is 100% okay to repost/reblog your own work

if you ever see me spamming my blog with the same posts, its so i have it back on peoples feeds and on my main profile and its easier for people to find. its also likely that some ppl missed the post, and reblogging/reposting gives them the opportunity to see it!!

something something “its cringe and egotistical” WRONG!!!!!!!!!! its completely normal for creators to repost their content and it may help a lot!!

short & sweet descriptons

when you post, avoid giant paragraphs of text, especially if you’re including art in the post. people will be distracted and will see a giant post and just scroll past it

speaking of descriptions, try using trendy words and notable names

its kinda like hashtagging. if you look at my posts you’ll typically see how i will drop people’s full names + include the word “art” or “doodle” … this is because it will more likely show up on someones feed if said person looks up the same words.

ie: googling “muichiro tokito art” -> insert my post popping up because it has “muichiro tokito art” written out in the description

i admittedly have trouble providing tips as someone who doesnt rlly understand how i got noticed to begin with haha. something something imposter syndrome or whatever they call it these days… so im not really sure if anything above helps, but this is stuff i typically try to keep in mind when i post with the intent of trying to get people to see it

more importantly—

i know this is cheesy and this is easier said than done (i have this habit too a lot of the time) but numbers does not equal ur worth or talent. i know it isnt motivating and it can be so heartbreaking): but even if ur stuff doesnt get a lot of notoriety please know it doesnt define your value . this may sound like gibberish as it is 5 am as im posting this but truly… never give up on ur work!!! i promise u someone out there loves it

im more well known for my deaging & fluff content and to this day im rlly shocked it blew up the way it did. i really made it for myself. i came up with a whole alias and didnt plan on posting it anywhere bc i was so scared ppl would hate it and harass me or nobody would gaf. but eventually i was just like Man. if this thing helps me then maybe it can help someone out there too. and it helped provide ppl some joy & wonder and whimsy & made them feel seen and truly thats all i could ever want…

its difficult and its hard but i promise u… be patient and kind to yourself. it can definitely be hard sharing things around and getting that exposure you need but there are ways for sure. some journeys are faster than others and thats ok!

again sorry if this is all gibberish its super late ): but i hope this could help in some way shape or form

[uter-us]

"magic gender feelings"

hey yall! gonna clarify stuff abt this post

outside of and including radfems, there are many reasons a woman might not "feel" like a woman. a huuuuge notable one is that we live in a world where women are not valued the way men are and that is reflected in media and politics and interpersonal experiences and like every second ever. of course a woman or girl might not "feel" like the caricature, stereotype, or role that is thrust upon women. she might not feel the same way the rest of the word "feels" a woman should be. that is not "called being nonbinary," its just a normal reaction to misogyny

additionally, when radfems say they do not "feel" like a woman, its often heavy on the word feel, in that we simply are women and our womanhood is not tied to an internal ("magic gender") feeling. (fyi ik the "magic" part is j lighthearted and a joke, but the content of the message applies.) that is why i do not "feel" like a woman because i cannot "feel" something that is merely my reality. (i don't feel like i have curly hair, i just have curly hair.) most actual feelings i have regarding myself and my inner identity are merely aspects of my personality.

some comments:

->

(the person in the middle is being mean for no reason so ignore that)

i get the sentiment, and i can recognize that honestly in some ways it probably is much easier, but it's also not based in any material reality. and when denying (or just not completely understanding. im not attributing malice!) the subjugation an entire class of people face due to their sex, that is not a happy sparkly good vibe

i used to go by all pronouns and while never outwardly identified as "genderfluid" i heavily identified with it. and i do know that "vibe," and i cant describe the uniquely liberating experience it is to recognize that being a woman means nothing to my "vibe" or personality or anything like that.

i know the word "woman" takes on a lot, especially roles/stereotypes, but you don't ever have to reflect that in your actions. you can vibe with what makes you happy without attributing it to not being your observed sex. like you can legitimately do and be whatever you are doing while female and that qualifies as a woman!! theres nothing more to it!! its amazing!

when i hear radfems make the claim that "everyone would be nonbinary," it's more in the sentiment that no one 100% adheres entirely to the roles/expectations of man or woman, basically that to imply some people's "gender" or whatever IS binary is strange! not even the most tradwife or "alpha male" commits entirely to the role yk? not even they are 100% in either binary. it would be impossible, and every person inches out of these gendered expressions/performances/etc at LEAST from time to time (some more often than others, but it definitely is everybody)! so its just recognizing that sure there could be some "gender spectrum" but its far more real to acknowledge everyone is somewhere in the middle of these strict binaries than just a minor group of people. (at least that's my understanding of when radfems make that statement.)

lots of radfems used to be TRAs or trans-identified individuals-- even still have dysphoria-- and that contributed to their becoming radfems!! many radfems understand the pain of dysphoria, and their experience w medicalization and/or interpersonal experiences aid in their current understanding of gender ideology and what it means to be a woman. (also see below cuz i expand more on the other part, especially the last comment.)

the first comment i find so interesting because i think thats often the point. like often someone will claim they feel like a woman/man/nonbinary-person/etc or not, and are so sure of it. and because so much of this is dependent on the way you feel, one of the things that changed my mind abt gender ideology was j considering like, "how do i know this isnt the feeling of a woman? how do i know other women aren't experiencing this?" like even trans rights activists will state that not everyone "feels" being nonbinary the same way for example. so who's to say this feeling i feel is not also the feeling of a woman? yk? because chances are, theres a lot of other women feeling discomfort with their natal sex and perception/self-perception, and so much more!

so i'd ask anyone who says what the top comment says: if a woman is someone who feels like a woman, but you can't define or break down that feeling, how are you sure all of these women are feeling the same thing?

i consider myself a relatively patient person 99% of the time, but this is so aggravating! for anyone not in the loop, an egg is a term for someone who is trans but doesn't know it yet. hypocrisy is one of my greatest frustrations, cuz a huge TRA thing is that you can't tell other people if they are a man/woman/nonbinary-person/etc, and you always have to respect their identity, but apparently that doesn't apply now!!

its very invasive to push your own idea of what and who someone is onto them-- and no one can claim this "isn't pushing" when this individual has literally written (unsolicited) about a stranger's identity based off their own projections or preconceived ideas on what a woman should feel. and i get it, its the internet, people are gonna write whatever, but i have a right to be frustrated by it too!!

okay last one! if anyone knows where that post is or who made it, but basically i saw this post on here a while ago about how sometimes TRAs resemble some Christians. and the example was comparing something similar to the above circled comment, to an interaction between an atheist and a Christian thats something like. "I'm an atheist." "Oh, so you worship Satan?" and its like the idea that someone can't even consider outside of their view that their attempt to align you w it is entirely inaccurate, yk? like atheists don't worship Satan cuz they don't believe in him! and radfems/whoever don't have "a gender" cuz they don't believe in it (in the same sense tras do)!!

im sorry if i've come off super irritable writing this! i think im j frustrated for other reasons besides this, but i hope i don't come off especially unkind because i genuinly don't hold any hatred or discontentment w this person who made that tiktok, my point to this post is to clarify some of these comments because i see this idea all the time and when the radfem pov is misconstrued its much harder for TRAs to converse w us (cuz they arent really debating our ideas, but some other group w some other ideas). (i also dont speak for all radfems so keep that in mind too.) anyway if anyone disagrees/agrees or has corrections or needs clarification or anything feel free to reply!! :)

[aechii]

getting into a fight with jude then you break up w him , then months later he sees you at a party n still wants you back 🙏🏽🙏🏽

₍₍ SiX FEET UNDER ₎⁠₎

PAiRiNG ?! toxic!ex!jude x exgf!reader

GENRE ?! angst

C/W ?! she/her pronouns used, unhealthy relationship, something about writing toxic!jude that has me brainrotting, reader knows her worth, profanity, a small cameo of playboy!trent, drinking (sip responsibly ppl)

A/N ?! i love love love writing toxic!jude, fight me. other than that, plz do enjoy because for once in a while, im liking what i've written <3 [next fic will be a trent one, dwdw]

~°~

"you're not fucking getting me, jude!"

the heat she felt is all encompassing, red, burning fury for a man— boy, who timelessly strung her along with reins of faded promises and stagnant affection. a piling mountain of 'what could i have done better?' weighed like rocks and bricks, yet if her mother were here, she would've looked on with absent surprise.

she had warned her daughter, begged her even, that men— boys like jude had their words proclaimed as if in the finality of red ink, but their minds basked in a bath of sinful infidelity.

but [y/n] craved love. a feeling she had never encountered fully as it was more of a come and go, never marinating into her flesh and heart. but jude— god, jude, with his heightened charisma and intoxicating smile, had promised to love her from sunrise to sunset, from dusk till dawn.

yet, if those words held any truth, then they wouldn't have stood there, in an air of edged demise.

"listen," jude looked completely uncaring, dragging a hand down his face, "if you can't fucking tell, i'm trying, yeah? and it's not everyday i'm gonna be available."

"i never said i wanted you here everyday, jude," [y/n] cried, frustrated. her bones felt heavy, yet it was the hurt in her chest that blinded every sense of her's.

jude threw his arms in the air, scoffing, "then what the hell d'you want, [y/n]?" his voice resonated with exasperation.

"for you to be 100%, jude, it's not that hard! and if you can't handle a relationship— an exclusive relationship, then don't waste my time!"

they were tipping over at the edge of the cliff, and their fall was inevitable. frankly speaking, [y/n] should've known that their whole... involvement with each other was just a sprint to this foreshadowed end. it started off rocky, and no matter how insistent the red lights were, her eyes were glazed with blatant ignorance.

jude's presence then was like a toxin, accumulating in her muscles and causing every inch of movement to release pain. she needed to leave, with not a turn of her head back, and put jude in her first and only failed attempt of what could've been a blissful experience.

"you know what? i'm done— i can't stand here looking stupid for a boy who doesn't love me the same way," she scoffed, turning on her heel to climb the stairs.

she wished she hadn't had heard it. maybe it would've made her departure easier, that jude, truthfully, cared about her and just had the pieces of his mind misplaced and skewed. that maybe all they needed was space and time to seek and mend before they could try again.

but what she got was like a slap to the face, and the sickening truth that jude was never hers. and never wanted to be hers.

"since you can't understand where i'm coming from for shit, by all means, [y/n], leave."

+_-

the party had been, literally, timeless for jude. he hadn't known for how long he swirled the red cup of [spiked] punch pressed into his hand as he leaned against the door frame and observed the busy bodies that made him stick out like a sore thumb.

it had been months, 3 months, as jude'd been counting, since [y/n] bode her adieu to their relationship, or rather, whatever remnant of it remained. he felt like a disassociated body, existing for the mere fact that he had to, not because he wanted to, and part of him wanted to believe that it was all part of the 'life' experience.

it wasn't.

denial was a vile thing, and everyday, he woke up thinking that their end was her fault, and not his. that whatever they had was a lesson among others, and that he had to move on and find someone else that he could attach his data to.

but he knew, knew that [y/n] was a person that appeared like a blue moon, and soon enough, he found himself lost like a needle in a haystack and regretting. had no one but himself to blame, even his damn brother told him so.

his appearance externally, to those who didn't know what revved inside him, was a continuous ebb and flow from one party to another. whatever he had to do to make him forget was his priority, and if he had to get mind-numbingly drunk to do so, then it was welcomed to be his guest.

it was his 3rd one of the week, by approximation. more or less, he didn't care, nor did he want to know, because recklessness was what seemed more comfortable than guilt and shame, and he was so sure that his body was more alcohol than water. counted his lucky stars that it was the end of the season and so he could do whatever his heart urged him to do. his heart, keyword there.

his darkened mood seemed to have seeped into the room because after hours of remaining stagnant doing nothing, trent walked up to him, identical solo cup in one hand and the other weighing on his shoulder with concern.

"guilt is eating you up, eh?" trent chided, although not as cheerily as expected. jude grunted and took another sip as he huffed out a flippant, "shut up," that had trent throwing his hands up, as best as he could, in defence.

"look- i've been there, done that."

jude looked at him suspiciously, "you've had flings, trent."

"yeah," he shrugged, mellow yet firm, "to forget about her."

"never knew that," jude said with an air of surprise. trent wasn't necessarily the best person to come to in terms of... serious romance, per se.

just as trent went to retort, jude's eyes cast around the room, and zeroed entirely on one hovering figure, meddled with a group of more girls who looked far too merry compared to the one that caused jude's tunneled vision, and before he could stop himself, his mouth punched out a, "fuck."

trent caught whiff of jude's exasperated and frozen countenance, "what?"

it took a whole body and more for jude to respond, "she's here."

then trent's head whizzed around, seeking for the girl whose scarce presence had his friend in complete misery and his line of sight paralleled jude's, "i... did not know she was coming."

"me too," jude said automatically, and as if they had a mind of their own, his feet began to move. trent noticed immediately, and a tough grip wrenched around jude's bicep, "where do you think you're going?"

"to talk to her?" enunciated as if it were a question, but there was an undercurrent of certainty that made trent want to slap jude for his sheer stupidity.

"and do what? beg for her forgiveness as if you did not walk her out your home hand in hand?"

jude scowled at trent's bluntness, "it wasn't like that."

"well it fucking seemed like it," trent chastised.

jude was completely deaf to trent's words by then, as the second she was left alone by the bar, he had an aim. an aim to get her back by the end of the night, and if he didn't, he wouldn't walk out there with all pieces of him intact.

did he need her? yes. and it may have taken him too long to realise, but jude didn't care. it was all part of the 'life' experience.

he managed to slip out of trent's vice grip (who, at that point, had given up drilling pleads into jude. he had to plummet back to reality, one way or another), and by auto-pilot, walk towards [y/n] who has too busy ordering another round of shots to even notice his arrival until his words punctured the air, "hey."

[y/n] spun around. rapidly and in complete shock as her eyes were blown wide. she had wanted to utter everything and nothing at all, but her mouth seemed to malfunction, to both her dismay and relief, so she resolved to a questioning jut of her head forward.

jude nervously scratched the back of his neck, "i uh- how have you been?"

she thought for a few seconds then shook her head conclusively, "as best as i could be, jude."

it may have not been intentional- matter of fact, who had jude been kidding? it was intentional, the icy tinge in her tone and closed off-ness as she settled her stance and crossed her arms. a blank space, gaping and hollow, was left in silence as jude tried to find words to say.

"i'm sorry."

[y/n] looked at him incredulously, "you're sorry?"

jude nodded.

and then she laughed. jude would've blamed it on drunkeness if it hadn't been for the obvious, mocking sarcasm as she stopped and looked at him just as quickly as she started.

"you're funny jude, very funny," she chuckled, turning around to slide a shot glass from the counter, raising it in gratitude to the bartender who gave her a nod back, before patting jude's arm to walk away.

he was delirious by then. in absolute confusion, wondering what he had done to seem so... ridiculous to [y/n]. he had apologised, hadn't he? made sure to make it as geniune as he mouth could mold it and that was enough. it had to be.

he spluttered, reaching out to stop her by her wrist, but, as if his touch were hot, she slapped him away, "don't you fucking touch me, jude."

"i said i'm sorry-"

"and you think that's enough? to do what, jude? get me back?"

he nodded and she laughed again, chesty and completely deprecating.

"you know, let me give you advice jude," her expression submerged jude 6 feet under, it felt like it, "don't date. you're completely shit at it."

jude was definitely 6 feet under.

[maxsimagination]

𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗜 - 𝗹.𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗽

summary: coming out to someone is always diffcicult, but lauren makes it easier.

• part 1 • part 2

-> i do not condone homophobia in any way, shape or form, this is just an imagine and is not reality.

𖦹 masterlist

"𝗛𝗘𝗬 𝗠𝗔, 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗔𝗥𝗘 you?"

it was my weekly call to family that were back in australia.

"honey, i'm good, how are you? how's england?"

i had lived in australia for most of my life before moving across the globe to england to play professional football. i was only 19 when i got picked up by manchester city, the sky blues offering me a 3-year contract that i couldn't turn down. now, four years later, i was still here, still wearing the same sky blue jersey with pride.

"england's good. we've got another game on this week, a home game this time."

my family weren't always super supportive of my choice to be a footballer, but never said anything outright. i still knew of the disapproval, but that didn't stop me from playing.

"that's good, honey. found any guys that you like?"

my ma brushed off the football talk and quickly moved to her favourite topic. she was openly christian, as well as my pa, but she always had something to say.

"no ma, no boys. i've said this."

it was a lost cause from there because my ma was unrelenting in her lecture on how a woman belonged with a man, so on and so forth. i made up an excuse of how i had to go to practice or something just to get out of the call.

i couldn't even count on my fingers the amount of times i've been told that homosexuality is a sin, that's how much she's told me.

——

practice next day was nothing new, gareth had us running the normal drills with some one-touch shooting to finish it off before a break. all the girls were in the shade with the water coolers just chatting when i sidled up. lauren crept up behind me and squirted water on my head to surprise me. i shrieked and turned around to get her back.

we were basically best friends, being attached at the hip all the time and both being starting strikers for man city.

"loz! not cool!"

she cackled at my unimpressed expression and walked back over with a promise of no more water fights. we joined back into the conversation with the others, they were all laughing hysterically at alanna's story of a date she'd gone on with a girl and it hadn't gone to plan. each of the other girls then added in their own wayward date stories.

the little group turned to me and lauren, asking our opinions and stories. lauren was quick to tell her funny moments while i was quiet, thinking.

"what about you, yn? any weird dates?"

the tallest of our group, bunny, broke me out of my thoughts with her question. i looked up, slightly caught off guard, and everyone had turned to look at me. about 5 pairs of eyes bore into me, psyching my brain out and panic rose in my mind.

"i- no. no stories. sorry i've got to go."

the anxiety got the best of me and i turned to run back inside of the changing rooms. in the back of my mind, i knew that i was being irrational and the girls would definitely have questions about my behaviour but that wasn't my priority right now.

all i could focus on was the quickening pace of my breath and the sound of my cleats when they hit the floor. i reached the lockers and sat in my cubby, eyes closed and trying to calm myself down. i was so in my head that i didn't hear the door open or anyone enter the room.

"yn are you okay?" lauren's voice startled me and my eyes popped open.

"i'm fine."

i was apparently too quick to respond to that question when lauren cocked her eyebrow at me.

"ok so maybe i'm not fine."

i mumbled out and lauren moved to sit next to me. she didn't push me to speak, just sat with me until i was comfortable to tell her what was wrong.

"im scared.

everyone was talking about their dating stories, and i thought that i wouldn't be accepted."

most of the team were open about their sexuality and who they went out with, but i was the opposite. being brought up in an environment where the christian way was the only way, i was taught that a woman must be with a man and there was no other option.

"i thought that the girls wouldn't accept me."

"yn we will support you no matter what. i will support you no matter what."

i knew from about the age of seventeen that i was anything but heterosexual. but i struggled to accept that fact in my own mind, which made it extremely hard for me to express that to others. i never talked about the topic, preferring to avoid it altogether.

but right now, lauren sitting next to me waiting for me to really tell her what was going on, i decided fuck it, tell her.

"ithinkilikegirls."

it came out rushed and the words strung together in one sentence that hid the real meaning.

"um, slower please?"

lauren had a smile on her face, but she knew how difficult a topic this was.

"i like girls."

three words that held so much meaning. lauren didn't say anything, she just pulled me into a hug. her hands rubbed up and down my back soothingly. i embraced the hug, tears slowly pricking at my eyes and i let them fall.

"i'm so proud of you."

[localemofreak]

I’m sorry (not really) but this needs to be said in the MCR fandom- I love every single member, no matter where you come from, but seriously I think this needs to be told.

‼️WARNING: SMALL RANT ABOUT MCR AND THE LONG LIVE THE BLACK PARADE TOUR‼️

I’m sorry but like, I have seen SO MANY people complain and be so ungrateful about this new MCR tour, and it’s genuinely driving me nuts.

(Btw this is copied and pasted from a little rant I made on discord)

Tbh I have seen A LOT of people complaining about the pricing of the tour tickets, and I understand that they were definitely super expensive but like, idk if people realize that literally MCR does not control the prices of tickets, at all- literally the venues do, so they have zero say in the prices- and none of the money goes to them anyway, it goes to the greedy ass venues, and the only money they get is from merch, it’s literally the same with every band- small or big, they get NO money from the tickets, only merch- that’s why bands are always like “please buy merch” bc that’s where they get their money from.. also MCR isn’t a small band anymore like they were back in the day- tickets are obviously gonna be pricey, that’s sadly how the world and economy works.

And I’m aware most of the rage was from the fact of bots buying and reselling tickets for thousands of bucks- is there things they could have done to prevent lots of bots from buying tickets? Most likely, but still- no matter what, it was going to sell out asap, and tickets were gonna be expensive no matter what- MCR cannot control that, it is not their fault. They are a big band, with millions of fans worldwide- they are going to take the easier route obviously with selling tickets, but I’m not denying that you can’t be upset- you have every right to be, but bots buying tickets is NOT the bands fault, so don’t blame them for something they literally can’t control.

And people saying they keep “teasing mcr5 but don’t give any mcr5 shit”, I’m sorry- but they have literally NEVER teased mcr5.. we just have fun as fans and suspect something new and out of the usual MCR related automatically equals MCR5.. but literally the band has never even mentioned, spoke, hinted, teased- ANYTHING about a new album..

And I’m sorry but I dislike these people who are like “if they aren’t gonna do a full tour for ALL fans, they might as well not do a tour at all-“ IM SORRY BUT I WANT TO SEE THEM.. I’m sorry for the fans overseas, but literally- there is people in North America that want to see them, so just because YOU can’t see them.. doesn’t mean the American and Canadian fans shouldn’t get the opportunities to see them. This will be my first ever MCR show I have ever seen and I’ve been a fan for YEARS- and i am so grateful and lucky to be able to see them, but just because they chose to do one section of planet earth (and they will definitely tour more after this, come on- just look at Gerard at WWWY.. is that really the face of a man who never wants to tour again??- MCR is going to do more tours.) doesn’t mean that those people shouldn’t get the opportunity to see them, y’all will still get your clips, y’all will get your photos- even if it was only a European tour, I wouldn’t be complaining about not being able to go, them touring only a small part of one continent in my opinion is better than no tour at all.

All I can really say is, let’s just let it cook- obviously they have things in store for us all, let’s keep the complaining down yk?- because I’m just happy that they are touring once again, no matter where the tour is. I’m just happy we get to see them again.

“They should have given people more time to prepare to buy tickets” Yeah 100% I agree, they should have definitely gave us a warning to save money up, but the people complaining about the tour in its entirety.. like, maybe they want to stay in North America to be close to family??- maybe they have other projects??.. and also maybe it is probably something to bring up the American people after everything went to fucking shit obviously with the election- I think people just need to be glad they are actually doing something instead of complaining and saying they shouldn’t tour at all, because no matter where they tour- fans are not gonna be able to see them, and some fans are, that’s how the world works- and complaining isn’t going to fix anything, in fact- it could cause MCR to either pause or stop the tour altogether in fear of being cancelled or controversy, literally they do not control the prices of tickets or what people do with the tickets- including bots, so don’t go blaming them for something they literally CANT CONTROL.

And honestly, I’m sorry but people shouldn’t be complaining about it being a basically only United States tour- like with everything going on in this country, it was the perfect time- because literally I think a lot of people needed a distraction from all the fucked up shit that’s happening over here.. and MCR is an American band with American members, so it’s obviously effecting them as well- so I really think this is a perfect and good thing for American MCR fans rn.

ALSO people saying “they don’t care” um.. they literally have enough money to retire and live the rest of their lives without doing shit if they wanted too.. they are literally taking time out of THEIR LIVES instead to go tour around and preform for fans, when they could literally just stay at home and raise their kids. THEY DONT HAVE TO DO THIS, this is literally a blessing that they are still touring, because they literally don’t have too, but they CHOOSE TO PERFORM- because they care about the fans, new and old. They want people to be able to experience seeing them live, because they are aware of the impact they make on people’s lives- and tbh, I think they are still VERY humble people compared to their level of fame- they still take pics with fans when asked, sign autographs, all that shit when literally they don’t have too- they still stay down to earth and give fans stuff when they literally don’t have too. So just because they aren’t going to your country, or you can’t get tickets- doesn’t mean nobody else is allowed to have fun and see them. And it’s obvious, they literally have more in store for us all- so people shouldn’t rush to conclusions and be like “oh but they are leaving out the rest of the fans!” No they aren’t.. trust me- they aren’t, they remember you guys, but right now they are doing this- and that’s completely fine, because it’s THEIR BAND, THEIR SONGS, AND THEIR TIME.

So right now, all I can say is- let’s just please stop complaining, because it won’t fix anything.. let’s just be happy that we are actually getting something from them. Please. You are allowed to be upset, but half of the things people are upset about- are completely out of the band’s control.. so don’t go blaming them- when genuinely, don’t they have to do jackshit.

And you guys are 100% allowed to be upset, sad, frustrated, angry- FEEL WHATEVER U WANT TO FEEL.. but literally my chemical romance owes nobody ANYTHING.. they are choosing to do this tour for the fans, when literally they don’t have too. So let’s just be grateful for what we are getting.

(Btw I am not saying that people are ‘too broke’ or hating, or anything like that- I’m just saying, instead of complaining because it literally won’t do anything- I’m just being honest here, we should be happy that MCR is at least still around touring, giving updates, things like that etc- when they literally don’t have too.)

[radfem-rage]

im new to this politics stuff and im listening to both sides so I can makeand you seem to be well versed in this

so whats your opinion on trans people and their rights

im willing to learn

Yo! I’m all for trans people having human rights, they’re human just like me, and no TERF wants to take their human rights away.

However, the thing is that trans people already have human rights. So their “trans rights are human rights” is pure and utter manipulation. They do not fight for human rights.

What they want right now are privileges and complete and utter obedience from sane folks. They want to make it illegal for people to refuse to affirm the feelings of the mentally ill and have you fined for it too if you try. They cannot accept the truth and basic biological facts and try to cancel free speech.

Trans “women” want to continue to invade lesbian only meetings and force their girldick in everyone’s face, the same happens to gay men who want to date other men. They have “manginas” forced into their face, but do not deal with this shit as much as lesbians. Men always get respected after all, even if they put on a dress.

Male privilege never leaves. Men continue to invade women’s sports and are praised for it. They win in beauty pageants with their typical “I feel like a girl and nobody sees me like one” sob story. They invade women’s restrooms and nothing is done because “women get raped anyway so let’s make it even easier.” PCOS and pregnancy support groups are full of men who jerk off to our stories and we are now forced to use gender neutral language in these groups for problems ONLY WOMEN experience. Female sex erasure happens all the time. Last year trans people got a woman’s history museum in Denmark (Køn) turned into a gender museum.

Every female badass in history (for example Joan of Arc) is getting transed, any woman who was gnc and wore pants in order to be seen as fully human and not be stuck as a pregnant housewife indefinitely is now a man apparently. Trans people think only men can be badasses and women who were not gnc were completely fine with their oppression. Insulting.

Rapists now have their pronouns respected in court, which means women are forced to call their attacker “she” and “her” in court or face consequences. The absolute disrespect trans people have for women astounds me every day.

So… what do I think of these people? The assholes that are erasing women’s rights and tell me to k*ll myself because I refuse to clap along like handmaidens? Not much good. They happily piss all over women’s rights and are the biggest threat to it in the 21th century. I do not want them to die, but I do not like them, they’re all sexist misogynists.

I do have a lot of sympathy for detransitioners, like women who foolishly believed they could escape misogyny by slapping he/him pronouns on themselves. Thank you for your question! ✌🏻

[baldursgat3]

im back and I'm bringing part 1 of enemies to lovers with me. this was originally gonna be another one shot but I hit 4k words before it could even really get started so this is chapter 1 I guess

originally I was writing this as Tav and then promptly realized it could not possibly be Tav so they're still pretty Tav-ish but I gave them a different name.

cw for brief mentions of non-consensual sex

It hadn't taken long for you and Sebastian to figure out the same man had lured both of you to your shared fate. The strongest bond you ever shared with him was your burning hatred of that beautiful man who had brought you to this horrid place. You would never forgive him. Never ever. For the rest of your immortal life you would burn with a rage and fury against the man who had condemned you to this unyielding nightmare. He had been so kind. His voice was so sweet and charming. He had captured your heart, you had trusted him completely. Maybe it was your own fault for leaving your heart so open, but you had fallen for him so quickly. You had only wanted to love him, and he destroyed you.

He spotted you instantly as you entered the tavern. How could he not? You were gorgeous. More importantly, you were alone. What was someone like you doing drinking by themselves on such a lovely evening?

It was so rare that he found such a decadent quarry. Half the people he brought back to Cazador weren't even interesting enough to remember their faces. Perhaps that was cruel but, after luring countless people to their deaths, he found it easier not to try to remember in the first place.

Still, Cazador was always so pleased when he could bring back such lovely prey. You were sure to fetch him some small reward. At the very least, he certainly wouldn't be punished for it.

With an easy, confident charm, he strode over to the table where you sat alone, watching the various patrons as they went about their business. “Is this seat taken?” His words were sweet as honey, already laying on the charm as he smiled at you.

You hadn't exactly been anticipating anyone interrupting your evening of lazy people watching but, admittedly, there were far worse people that could've been engaging with you. “Oh, uh...” Gods he was gorgeous. What was someone like him doing talking to someone like you? “No, no. Please.” You gestured towards the seat, encouraging him to join you.

He gave you a small, courteous nod as he took his seat across from you. “Tell me, what's a stunning little thing like you doing all alone in a dingy place like this, hm?” A smile danced across his lips as he leaned on the table.

Oh, he was flirting with you. That was odd. You weren't used to that, certainly not from a stranger. You drew your shoulders up a bit, your face turning red as you glanced away from him. “I, ah… I'm just trying to get out more. My friends say I spend too much time in my books so… I'm getting out.”

“And you're… just sitting alone at a tavern?” He couldn't help the little grin he tossed your way. You were precious.

“W- well… what else am I supposed to do? It worked didn't it? I'm here talking to you now?” Seems you weren't just a blushing mess. You had a bit of a bark on you.

His grin only widened, enjoying your attempt at banter. “You've got me there, darling. I don't believe I caught your name.”

You giggled softly, holding your hand out as you introduced yourself. “My name is Fey.”

He took your hand, bringing it to his lips to place a delicate kiss on your knuckles. You couldn't help the way your cheeks burned, you really had only been going in for a handshake. “A gorgeous name for such a gorgeous creature.”

He was far too good, this man was a grade A flirt. This was almost certainly his game. Wait at a tavern until he spots a pretty little thing to chat up and take home for the evening. You couldn't even really be upset about it, he was so gods damned good at what he did. It didn't matter that you were onto him, he already had his foot in the door with you.

Your face burned red as you turned back to the drink in your hand in an attempt to hide your shame. You were so not used to being flirted with and certainly not in public. More importantly, you could tell he knew that.

He was still holding your hand as he leaned in a bit closer. “There are far nicer places to spend an evening with such a decadent little treat.” He smiled warmly as he watched a blush creep onto your face. “Why don't we take this somewhere more private?”

Was that really all there was to this? Is this how people had one night stands? It was so wildly out of character for you to do something like this but, well, wasn't that why you'd come out in the first place? To step outside your comfort zone?

You tried to find a reason to say no - it's just that you felt like you should. But he was so gorgeous and charming. What was the worst that could happen?

So you just giggled and squeezed his hand with a nervous smile and a soft “Okay!”

~*~*~

You hadn't expected him to take you back to some kind of palace. It wasn't his, he said. He worked and lived there but said guests were perfectly welcome. Astarion had assured you there was nothing to worry about and you simply believed him. Why shouldn't you?

Things were so wonderful too. His charm only increased once he had you alone. Every word that escaped his lips sounded sugar sweet to your ears. It was like he knew exactly what to say to have you melting in his hands. You didn't even notice the distant look in his eyes, he masked it so well with his perfect touches and whispered praise.

Everything was so perfect. Already you could see the look on all of your friend’s faces when you told them what you'd gotten up to. Wouldn't they be proud? You were finally coming out of your shell, and in such a big way.

It scared the daylights out of you when you saw the door to the room swing open suddenly. Astarion had assured you no one would bother you. More importantly you could've sworn you'd seen him locking the door behind you.

Both of you seemed to notice a new presence in the room at the same time. You expected Astarion to start yelling at whoever it was or something. Instead, without a word, you saw the suave, charming demeanor drop from his face. It was replaced with a blank, almost empty look as he pulled away from you.

You watched him, confused, as you scrambled to wrap a blanket around your exposed body. Your gaze darted between Astarion and the new man that had walked into the room as your heart began to race in your chest. In an instant your mind was flooded with every real reason you should've said no to a strange man taking you into a large strange home.

No one knew where you were, no one knew what was happening. You didn't know what was happening.

“Well done, pet. Quite the decadent little treat, isn't she?” The man spoke. His voice could be best described, you felt, as slimy. He held himself with an air of importance as he sauntered towards you.

Astarion stood to the side, his eyes were downcast. He didn't even seem like the same person. His voice was quieter now. “Thank you, master.”

His words petrified you. For whatever reason, he had brought you here for this man, that much was clear. Your voice broke as you tried to speak despite the dread that bubbled up inside of you. “Wh- what's happening…? I- I think I'd like to go home now, actually…”

“Oh no, my dear.” The man spoke again, sending a bolt of panic down your spine. You clutched the blanket tighter to your chest as you watched him move closer to you.

He stood at the side of the bed, watching you with what you could almost describe as glee. Then he smiled and you saw them: sharp fangs that seemed to almost glint in the candlelight.

The pieces fell into place quickly as the blood drained from your face. You cast a glance back to Astarion - a desperate look, begging for his help. He didn't meet your gaze, his eyes focused squarely on the ground in front of him.

You felt the strange man grab your face, turning your head, forcing you to look him in the eye. His red eyes were almost… captivating. You felt yourself sinking into them, like you could just stare into them forever and ever.

“Follow.” He commanded. Your body replied and you didn't think anything of it until he pulled his gaze away from you. He held you by the wrist, tugging you out of the bed and your body followed obediently.

Though your body moved on its own, compelled by the stranger, you managed a brief glance back before the door slammed shut behind you. Astarion had finally lifted his head, only a bit. It only broke your heart more, what you saw on his face. No regret, no sadness. Only a blank, empty stare.

And then he was gone. Then everything was gone.

~*~*~

You didn't know how long you had been down there. Part of you felt perhaps you should at least be grateful you weren't one of the spawn being held in the large, dark chamber just beyond the heavy doors outside of your own cell. You weren't though.

No, you were part of such a special collection. There were six of you now. All held in one cell close to Cazador's private quarters. His little collection of prized dolls for his personal use.

Sebastian had been the first. By the time you had been tossed in beside him, he’d already been in there all alone for seven years. The two of you had bonded over your shared fear and sorrows. It could never go any further. Neither of you were capable of anything more than being a vague comforting presence to the other. And, eventually, more people joined you in your cell anyway.

It hadn't taken long for you and Sebastian to figure out the same man had lured both of you to your shared fate. The strongest bond you ever shared with him was your burning hatred of that beautiful man who had brought you to this horrid place.

You would never forgive him. Never ever. For the rest of your immortal life you would burn with a rage and fury against the man who had condemned you to this unyielding nightmare.

He had been so kind. His voice was so sweet and charming. He had captured your heart, you had trusted him completely. Maybe it was your own fault for leaving your heart so open, but you had fallen for him so quickly. You had only wanted to love him, and he destroyed you.

Everything was gone now. Every time someone new was tossed into your cell, always another victim of Astarion's, you were granted another look into how the world had changed without you. Your friends and family, all gone. Buildings you had once known had been torn down and rebuilt. Just from the descriptions, you felt as though you wouldn't even recognize half of your city if you could ever see it again.

It had been busy, lately. Cazador had been bustling about, preparing for this ritual or whatever. You'd heard whispers it would destroy all of the spawn. You didn't care. Besides, you'd heard your master’s voice angrily demanding people “find that wretched boy.”

Astarion had escaped. Somehow. Of course he had. The man who ruined your life would be the one to escape this misery, of course. You didn't know what you'd done to deserve such punishments from fate. Was it so necessary to kick you when you were down?

You had been curled up in a corner of the cell, unmoving, possibly for weeks at this point. There was no reason to waste the effort it took to move. You were hungry, starving, ravenous. You hadn't had a thing to eat in well over a century now and your body was weak. There was no reason to waste precious energy standing or thinking, so you curled in your corner and you stared at nothing until your eyes glassed over.

Sebastian’s voice pulled you out of it. The six of you had nothing left to talk about so you didn't bother. It had been quite some time since you heard any of their voices. “You… I know you.”

Slowly, you managed to pull yourself back into the present. There were several people standing in front of your cell. Strangers. A tiefling, a wizard, a githyanki, and… Him.

That white haired elf. That gorgeous man with his beautiful eyes and his silky sweet voice. He was speaking to the strangers and he looked almost… sad? You wanted to reach out and claw his throat open.

“I know these people…” He said, softly. “They were my… conquests.” His eyes met yours only for a brief moment. You felt an energy bubble up inside of you that you hadn't felt in so very long.

Still, you were starving and weak. It was all you could do to pull yourself up. You crept a bit closer as Sebastian shouted at Astarion. Your heart felt for him as he broke down.

You didn't have the energy nor the desire to add your own commentary. Nothing you could say would be any different than what Sebastian had said anyway.

The wizard spoke too, eventually promising to free all of the spawn. What a stupid idea. Not that you were going to complain. Weren't wizards supposed to be smart or something though? It didn't matter anyway, as soon as Cazador spotted Astarion it would probably be all over in a matter of minutes. You weren't exactly placing all your hopes and dreams on the man that ruined your life.

You heard him as they walked away though. He bickered with the wizard. It wasn't surprising when you heard him insist the spawn were too dangerous to leave alive. Of course he wanted to get rid of you. He was nothing if not a selfish, uncaring bastard. So why did his words make your heart ache so much. Why was he hurting you again, even now, after all this time?

The stupid little adventuring party traipsed their merry way through the heavy doors into the chamber beyond, leaving you all in silence again as the doors slammed shut. Good riddance. They wouldn't be walking back out, you were certain. Not that you'd even be around to find out. If they died, so would you. They were stupid enough to drag Astarion right back to the man who was going to destroy all of you. Why was your life always in the hands of anyone but yourself?

You and your cellmates chatted idly now, about the possibility that those idiots might actually succeed. About how it felt to see Astarion again. They all seemed… eager. They wanted to get out, to be free, to finally just eat something. You understood but you hadn't expected to be the odd man out.

Why would you bother leaving? There was nothing for you out there. Something to eat, sure. But what did that matter? You'd been starving for a century. At some point, it stopped bothering you. When all you can feel is your hunger gnawing endlessly at your bones for decades upon decades, you learn to ignore it.

Even if you escaped, you'd have to hunt. You'd have to kill something. Or someone. Likely whatever was closest. All of you were so weak though, you couldn't possibly stand a chance. You'd probably be killed before your first meal.

It sure was taking Cazador a long time to complete the ritual.

You leaned up against the wall, largely disinterested in the direction the conversation had drifted. Honestly, you thought they were all foolish for getting their hopes up. Not that you cared enough to say so. If they wanted to be happy, good for them. They deserved a spark of happiness.

Without any kind of pretense, the door to your cell suddenly dropped. It startled most of you, actually, you watched your companions all jump as the magic faded away with a hiss. No one moved for a moment, all of you just watching cautiously. Sebastian was the first to move, of course he was. He slowly stepped out of the cell, waiting for some kind of alarm to ring or for Cazador to swoop in and punish all of them for daring to think they could escape.

Yet there was nothing. Not even a whisper as the air hung heavily over the entire room. Even the children across the way didn’t speak. Slowly, everyone crept out of the cells, following Sebastian through the large doors into the chamber below. You didn’t follow. You only sat back down in your corner.

You had no intention of trying to force anyone to stay, but you were a little surprised that no one stayed with you. They actually didn’t even seem to notice you’d stayed behind. Not that it really mattered, you supposed. If your plan was to waste away forever down here, you didn’t exactly want a bunch of company.

They must’ve gone somewhere, they never came back through the hallway. None of the spawn did anyway. But the door did open again and you heard people quietly speaking to each other. Of course it was Astarion and his stupid friends. He wasn’t even the one to notice you, it was the tiefling that met your gaze.

“Hey! There’s one still in here, guys.” She grabbed the attention of the other three, as they turned and spotted you in the shadows.

“They’re taking all the spawn to the Underdark.” The wizard stepped closer, holding a hand out to you with a gentle smile. “Come on, you’ll catch up.”

“I’m not leaving.” Your voice was flat and seemed to confuse all of them. You stared at the hand that was offered to you. A small part of you felt like swatting it away, almost offended that he would assume you didn’t know exactly what you were doing. Still, you knew he didn’t mean anything by it. He was just trying to be helpful.

Astarion stepped forward now, more confused than any of them seemed to be. His hands were covered - absolutely covered in blood. He was here. And Cazador wasn’t. Of course he had been the one to kill the bastard. Of course Astarion got that luxury too. His voice made your skin crawl as he spoke to you for the first time in nearly two hundred years. “What do you mean you're not leaving? You're just going to sit in here and starve with the door wide open?”

“I've been starving for decades, what's your point?” There wasn't a reason for Cazador to bother feeding any of them. They didn't go out hunting for him, they only needed enough energy to sit and rot in a cell. And they wouldn't die without food so there was no point. Even the six of you, Cazador's special little toys, feeding you would've only made it easier for you to fight back.

Astarion scoffed - he scoffed at you. Your blood was already boiling and you were sure it was clear on your face just how angry you were. “So after all we did to free you, you're just going to sit here?”

“You say it as though it was a gift that you gave me personally” You scoffed right back. You didn't have the energy to move or stand up to fight him like you wished you could. He was so close, if only you had the strength to reach out and strangle him to death. “You let all of us go. So what if one stays behind? I'm not going to go terrorize the city once you leave, if that's what you're worried about.

“We don't know that. How am I supposed to trust you?” His eyes narrowed as he stared down at you. Your eyes were so much more tired as you stared at him right back. You were exhausted and angry. Nothing else mattered.

You set your jaw, staring him down, despite still sitting on the ground. “You don't fucking remember me at all, do you?”

“Of course I recognize you, I-”

“What's my name?”

“What?” You saw the look in his eyes when you asked the question. He didn't need to respond for you to know the truth, you could read it in his eyes.

Your own eyes narrowed as you glared at him. “What's. My. Fucking. Name.”

He cast a glance over towards his companions, almost helpless all of a sudden. His shoulders dropped as he finally looked back at you, an embarrassed, apologetic look in his eyes. “I… I don't remember… I'm sorry.”

A short, bitter laugh escaped your lips as you sat back against the wall, finally looking away from him. “Get away from me.” Your voice just sounded so resigned.

“You can't stay down here.” His eyes were gentler now, his voice a bit more tender. As though he actually was trying to seem like he cared. You didn't trust him further than you could throw him and, considering you couldn't even stand up right now, that wasn't far.

“I'll do whatever I damn well please. Haven't you done enough?”

“Look…” He cast another glance towards his friends who all looked like they'd rather do anything else but get in the middle of this conversation. “You say that now, but in ten years or twenty or a hundred, you'll get bored down here. And you won't have anywhere to go.”

“I'm not spending my days in the Underdark. I don't care. I'm not going to follow them. I don't have anywhere to go right now.”

“Then- then come with us!” He blurted out abruptly, not bothering to actually check with his companions.

You shot a look back to him like he was fucking stupid. Maybe he was. “Why in the hells would you want me to come with you? You ruined my life, I want to fucking kill you and you're inviting me to move in?” Maybe Cazador really had just broken his brain.

“The spawn is right.” You heard the githyanki speak up. “They're weak and useless now, and when they do grow stronger they'll only cause problems. There’s no reason for this. If they wish to rot, I say we let them.”

At least someone here was making some kind of sense. She seemed to be outnumbered though as the tiefling woman spoke up again. “You would be safer with us, you know. I know you hate him, and you've got every right to-”

“Excuse me?”

“But we can't change the past. You've got a life ahead of you now! Isn't that exciting? Even if it's not what you wanted, you can't just waste away in here.”

You didn't like the way her voice made your undead heart actually feel like it was beating for the first time in two centuries. You scowled at her for a moment, but it clearly took some effort on your part and you gave up quickly.

Your shoulders slumped and your face dropped as you gave up resisting. It was too difficult, honestly. You were still so exhausted, it was hard to come up with any kind of solid argument against her reasoning. Objectively, you knew it was foolish to waste away down here. And if you said no to this chance, your only other option was the Underdark.

“Fine.”

As soon as the word was out of your mouth, the tiefling woman grinned. She quickly scooped you up from the ground, carrying you bridal style in her arms. She was warm, she was so warm, she was so very very warm against your ice cold skin that had known nothing warm in centuries. It was all you could do not to burst into tears, but you wouldn't. Not in front of him.

The woman carried you out of the cell as you heard the wizard speak up again. “Excuse me! Do I not get a vote in this?”

“Sure, what's your vote?” She asked, not stopping.

They all began following, keeping pace behind her. “I mean, I was going to agree with you but that's not the point. What happened to making decisions as a team?”

“Oh, from you, Mr. I'm Smart Enough To Be The Leader?”

“I have apologized for that multiple times already, can we let it go?”

The two of them bantered so easily. Occasionally the other woman would speak up, offering the odd bit of dry wit and cynicism.

Astarion was uncharacteristically silent. You couldn't care less. If you'd had the strength, you would've pushed him off the stupid narrow bridges of the corridors.

It was hard to think things like that, though, when this very warm woman held you so tight. You had been sitting on the cold stone floor of Cazador's cell for nearly two hundred years. The only reprieve you ever had was when you were in his bed, and you honestly preferred the stone.

But she was warm. And kind. She seemed so genuine. After a while it became fairly obvious she was almost certainly inhumanly warm, but that didn't matter. You felt like you were melting and you wanted to let yourself.

Part of you didn't trust her though. After all, she was with Astarion. But it was hard to listen to that part over how kind her words felt. The way she seemed to care about you despite everything about you. How she managed to actually encourage you to feel… alive again.