#MAN im used to it but at the same time it never gets easier to grapple with does it

[pressureplus]

Not sure if you have done it or if anyone have already requested it.. but I do like to see a headcanons (NSFW?) on the ovipositor of Sebastian. Like if reader finally agrees to let him pregnant them with his eggs. Kinda stuff like how would it feel like during/after breeding? does it will hurt? How long long does it take? How those eggs/babies develop? And how does the giving birth would be and feel like? Anything like that.

Btw, I love your headcanons and oneshots! <3

So glad you asked! I've been dealing with pain lately so Ive needed consistent care. As per usual we are writing, this one just happened to be finished first. Also, thank you for the compliment <3

♡Sebastian Solace Ovipositor Headcannons♡

Warnings: Describing this Non-Erotically, Implied Sex, Oviposition/Ovipositor, AFAB and AMAB Cannons (God Im Sorry), Pregnancy/Birth Vaguely Mentioned, M!Preg Mentioned

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜

Starting off strong, the moment you agree to have that mans babies he is all over you

Excited, yes, and at the mention of his Ovipositor being put to use he’ll be a little shy but happy to oblige! How can he not be? The idea of having a family almost makes him feel…normal. Happy and normal.

As his tendril is always sheathed, it stays very slick, which makes insertion easier. Despite his absurdly large length (he is well over twice your size) he doesn't need to be all the way inside your body to use said Ovipositor

During the process of actually putting those eggs in your body, it feels…odd. The best way I can describe this is like swallowing those Boba Pearls in drinks? But like…obviously not with your mouth

Doesn't hurt! The eggs arent too large, about an inch in length and diameter, but still not painful! You’d think they would be, right?

This is due to both the slightly muscle relaxant features of said slick, and the flexible nature of his eggs

Despite their size they can easily compress to be smaller if pressure is applied…too much pressure will pop them and make them no longer viable but yes they can get a bit smaller

They're like little jelly balls with a turquoise color

After the fact, you'll really just feel oddly full for the next day or two. These things are decently sticky and almost parasitic in nature so those that are going to continue to develop will be burying themselves into your body

Not a painful process either, by the way

Those that don't end up attaching to anything are not particularly viable as they can't take any of your DNA to make anything. So those really just have to be removed. This can be done decently easily with some pressure applied to your stomach and a bit of pushing

Produces 6-12 eggs on average, but may produce more or less, so you never really know how many actually stuck

The way these eggs develop is rather unnatural to say the least.

If you're AFAB then they'll attempt to fill your uterus much like a normal baby would. They also take as much ‘code’ from your DNA as possible, feeding off your blood for minerals similar to how Anglerfish pairs function

If you're AMAB things get a bit..sticky for you. They'll hollow out their own space inside you, kind of like a very small faux womb. This is NOT painful, but does leave a sort of dull ache like you've just worked out for a while. This small little wound will close behind the eggs as well so they won't be disturbed. They feed off you the same way as they do for those who are AFAB

This pregnancy can last anywhere from 6-9 months depending on how large the batch of eggs is. They do technically ‘share’ their meals so they'll all be ready to hatch at the same time. Think of it like an evolutionary trait for a better chance at survival.

Doesn't entirely feel like pregnancy, you'll feel weaker, bloaty, and maybe a bit sick mostly due to lower mineral/vitamin counts. But as long as you take some kind of supplements or eat healthy you'll be fine

You don't get particularly round or anything either, just a small bump that could easily be passed off as weight gain

On the Plus side for the AFABS, your body does not continue to have its menstrual cycle during these months. They release their own chemicals into your body/bloodstream for a better latch and less chances to be ‘rejected’

As for having these babies? There's conractions/cramping for sure and a bit of blood from where those eggs detach. I wouldn't call them particularly bad contractions, as they're slower and a lot less painful than normal child birth

The body doesn't have to prep as much since they're not normal sized human babies.

If you're AFAB, they'll come out the natural way. If you're AMAB, you're going to need surgery

Surgery is of course an option for both if preferred.

They pop their eggs and are ready to go the second they break, now for the most part the body can just absorb the nutrients in these empty ‘shells’ but they can also be removed. It won't cause additional harm either way

These babies aren't very big when they're taken out

In fact, they're all about palms sized. They're warm to the touch, covered in a bit of blood and whatever liquid is inside those eggs, so they're a bit sticky. But just fine to wipe clean

They’ll be oddly…blue and pale for the first while as they learn to breathe oxygen with their very small lungs. Don't worry, they'll figure it out. They look almost like normal babies aside from this, well, not including those that look more like Sebastian

They’ll develop faster than normal babies as well. Some may even be born with sharp teeth, others will get their set within the first two months.

They're already up and ready to go in about a year or less, as if they're made for survival like wild animals. However this will come at a cost. Your sanity mostly when your 1 year old is chewing through the casings of wires and chair legs.

By the time they're around 5-6 they'll be just a little smaller than the size of a normal human child.

As teenagers getting their growth spurts? Many of your children may end up BIGGER than average humans!

Overall your children will be different, as was the process of having them, but they're still perfectly healthy

[tobyisave]

acting lessons

this is for my chapter 5 au... I tried to compose a toxic doomed yaoi saiouma essay in the tags just now but it went over the tag limit (mortifying) so I'm just going to paste it under the cut!!

////cw for suicide of course. also heads up my version of saiouma is almost completely one sided 👍🏼

#look.. in my mind there is no world where shuichi truly comes around on kokichi #but there is TOTALLY a world where he feels eternally fucked up and guilty about assisting in his suicide #and cant bring himself to hate anymore #cant bring himself to reject the casual but blatantly self-indulgent touches of the boy hes about to murder in the most excruciating way possible #just let him have his fun #let him squeeze your shoulder a little too long #its the least you can do when hes about to let his entire body be turned into an unrecognizable puddle of gore #you dont have to pretend you like it. he KNOWS you dont like it. just let it happen & soon enough itll be over and youll never have to see him again #youll never be *able* to see him again. nothing left of him to even call a body #fucking unidentifiable #god. #(to be clear i dont approve of that logic at all but i sure think shuichi would feel that way)

#its like oumota but worse because (to me) shuu has completely written him off by ch5 and doesnt even need the poison blackmailing to agree #its shuichis low point after all hes fully suicidal and thinks kokichi is the mastermind who destroyed humanity's last hope #he doesnt have time to recalculate his opinion before its too late #he agrees almost immediately #but the closer it gets the less he can justify it #like god this guy fills me with rage and we would never ever in a million years get along but hes also a warm breathing human being #and hes in love with me or something and i just agreed to kill him. EAGERLY! #to his FUCKING FACE #yes i openly hated him already. and yes he didnt even blink when i told him i could kill him #if anything he looked happy! #but god how could i just say that to someone? how did it get this bad? #and how is he still giving me finger hearts through the camera while we test out angles for his fucking DEATH VIDEO #maybe just maybe its because he really thinks this will save us. but maybe he just wants to die #and i dont even know if that makes a difference anymore #et cetera……..

#like i said im not a saiouma guy in the traditional sense but #i do like pathetic clingy kokichi x shuichi who hates himself for harboring genuine malice towards him #(justified malice) #but is too self doubting to take the reins and stop the horrible thing theyve already set in motion

#meeting the same fate as kaede because he THOUGHT he was agreeing to kill the mastermind #when in reality it was really just a cagey guy who was trying to do the EXACT same thing and made the mistake of going it alone #and now that guy who couldve been his ally is dead and he has to pretend hes ok and lie to his friends to derail this trial #for this stupid idiotic plan he let himself get blindly swept up in #that was never going to work in the first place #he knew it was full of holes he knew ouma was full of shit #he knew himself he knew he'd buckle under the pressure of the trial #but he didnt say a thing #it was so much easier to go with it. he just wanted it to be fucking over with #well its not over. the game continues and kokichi is dead and for what #didnt lift a fucking finger #fucking idiot coward bottom of the barrel piece of shit. GOD #i dont know man. it's just real kill yourself hours for shuichi after this one

[firingstars]

neighborly advice | ch. 9

bucky barnes x reader

summary: you're missing bucky like crazy, but you've finally made progress on your research and even got a new team member. bucky returns home, only for a new misunderstanding to rise.

warnings: 18+, brief mentions of smut, angst, longing, you miss bucky sooo bad, no use of y/n, misunderstanding, alcohol, timeline is somewhere around the middle/end of fatws, language, no one knows who peter is

word count: 4.4k

a/n: i love peter parker except when im playing marvel rivals... that mf is perma-banned idc im not dealing w his ass

previous chapter | next chapter

You’re losing your mind. Genuinely. Does Bucky know how relationships work in this century, or are you the one that’s dense? You’re not certain anymore. Something about whatever is going on between the two of you does not make any sort of sense. 

You two have gone on a few more dates. Each time, Bucky refuses to let you pay. He has you ride on the back of his motorcycle while holding him, then he holds your hand while you two walk the remainder of the distance to whatever destination he had planned for you. Then, you go home. Sometimes, you find yourself tangled in his sheets. Truthfully, you usually are tangled in his sheets. 

Bucky holds you in his arms like he’ll never get to touch you again. He’s careful with every single movement and gesture. He is a gentleman at the end of the day. You fall apart on his fingers, tongue, and his length multiple times in one night. It’s almost as if he’s quietly apologizing without saying the words– asking you to forgive him for leaving you alone for so long.

He wakes you up in the morning with breakfast and kisses that sometimes get naughtier, then you head your separate ways for the day. Then, he lets you know he’ll be away for another mission. On those missions, he doesn’t text you until he’s on the way home, and asks if you’re free for dinner.

Wash, rinse, repeat. 

You googled how dating was back in the forties. They would establish if they were going steady or not. Kissing wouldn’t happen on the first date. Holding hands was a rarity in itself. You kissed way before the first date. Generally– you didn’t kiss anyone on the first date, let alone sleep with them.

Maybe it was your fault. You didn’t voice your concerns of having a talk with him about what you expected your relationship to be. Were you his fuck buddy at this point? Were those even dates that you were going on? It was most likely the fuck buddy tax– he fed you before fucking you to keep your energy up for the night. 

What you were certain about was your feelings for him. Somewhere along the dates (that maybe weren’t dates), you learned more about him past what the museums had written about him. 

Bucky hates the winter, but his body is more adapted to colder weather. His apartment is always freezing, but it’s fine. His body emits out an alarming amount of heat. You fall asleep easier next to him on the nights you spend together.

Bucky has nightmares. You learned the way he acted towards you on that first night was due to his nightmares. They’re often dark, and it puts him in a bad mood for the day, but he trusts you enough to tell you about it. He never goes into detail about what the nightmares could possibly be about, but you tell him that you’re ready to listen to him if or when he wants to voice it out to someone other than his mandated therapist. 

Bucky’s memory is scary good. You could mention once that you enjoy a certain brand of snack, and the next time you’re over at his place you’ll find that same snack stocked and ready for you to enjoy. He’s attentive to your needs, walks at a pace that matches your own, and has started to carry your purse for you. It’s somewhat comical to see such a large man with such a tiny purse sometimes.

Bucky’s lonely. He still grieves over his best friend. You still don’t know the truth about what happened to Steve, but you assume that Bucky is no longer in contact with the previous Captain America. He sometimes talks about Steve with a nostalgic look in his eyes, but there will also be bitterness at the end of each sentence. Bucky also talks about Sam in a strange way. There will be an edge and a bite to his words, but there will also be a sense of comfort– one that he won’t admit to himself. On these rare occasions he finally opens up, it makes your chest hurt just a little.

You may be the dense one. You think you are, at this point. You don’t know what to make of your relationship. He doesn’t contact you unless it’s to ask you on a date. Your dates are overnight affairs, and then you don’t talk again. 

You might be way over your head. 

“Have you tried ignoring him?” Ms. Chan asked you.

“Why would I ignore him?” you asked with a frown. You don’t tell her that you have ignored him before, though it was just for half a day or so. You feel in that situation, your actions were justified. 

“Make him miss you.” The old woman shrugged as she finished packaging your food. “You are stressed that you do not know how he feels, yes? So, make him decide. You should never chase a man first. It’s a bad look.”

“I think talking to him about our current situation would be a lot easier and faster than doing all of that.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” She grinned at you. You could only let out a deep sigh, and shake your head. 

You would not be taking the advice of the thrice divorced woman, you decided. Nothing wrong with being divorced, but you’re starting to see why her partners did not stick around with her for so long. 

You would go with your original plan of talking to Bucky face to face when he returned from his latest mission. You couldn’t do this same song and dance for another two months without knowing if this was something that was going to be long term between the two of you. After all, things were finally starting to look up in your future. 

Since the fall out with Leah, you’d put all your energy back into working. She may be right; that your job is your life. Who cares if it was? Either way, the sudden free time you had was all put into reaching out to different scientific research centers or other renowned scientists, pitching your product, getting rejected without a reason, then doing the same thing all over again. Until finally, someone decided to give you a chance. You managed to secure a face to face meeting with a sponsor and their board of executives. You would be lying if you said it didn’t make you nervous. 

The sponsor expressed interest in both your study, and stated that if things went well over your formal discussion in the next couple of days, they would have no problem in securing you a lab and team that would help push your development to the next level. You needed this to go well. You couldn’t go back home. You might even change your name, leave the country, and get plastic surgery if this meeting didn’t turn out well.

All dramatics, but it just goes to show how much you wanted this for your future. And if Bucky was to be part of your future, you wanted to mentally prepare for that– for him.

Maybe it would be easy for you to greet him after every mission– to see the bruises and cuts he sustained. To be able to send him off into harm's way knowing that he had your tech in his pocket as a backup if his mission really went south. You could trust your own intelligence to save his life. Bucky was a super soldier, but he wasn’t immortal. 

Deep down, you knew that it would never be easy for you.

Bucky must think he was really good at hiding his injuries from you after his missions. You never mentioned the slight limp you once saw, or the sharp intake of breath when you wrapped your arms around his waist on the motorcycle. How he sometimes switched positions in bed so you wouldn’t see the blossoming bruise on his ribcage, or have you ride him instead knowing that his knee was fucked up. 

You didn’t want to mention it. You felt like you couldn’t. One night, Bucky said a small sentence to you when he thought you were asleep. Your eyes were closed, head on his chest, as his fingers traced shapes into the bare skin of your back.

“You make me feel like a normal man,” he whispered into the darkness of the room.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you stared at it. No new notifications. No new messages from him. You hadn’t heard from him in over a week. 

You were beginning to experience the symptoms of early PVS.

Phantom Vibration Syndrome.

Causes? Being on your damn phone too much, and psychologically believing that there was a notification waiting for you on the screen only to find out there was nothing there at all. 

You were really starting to hate the device. Even when there was a true notification sound or vibration, it was never him. Your hopes would be shot up through the roof, only to be burned straight down into the ground with another spam email haunting your screen. Every time you looked at your phone, you hoped it was him. Hoped it was another message telling you that he would be home soon, asking you out to dinner. 

At this rate, you might just chuck your phone out the window of the fifth floor of your apartment building and call it a phone cleanse. You know that if you ever would, you would run straight downstairs to retrieve it, and double check that Bucky didn’t text you in the few seconds your phone went airborne. 

All this told you was how fucking into Bucky you were.

It wasn’t just a simple crush anymore. He was plaguing your mind, you were missing his touch, his smell. Your memories of him alone were no longer enough. You needed him by your side, and it terrified you. You missed the man so badly, but you refused to contact him first. He was at work, after all. 

Your mind went into a strange turn. There were moments where your finger hovered over the send button on your screen, only to delete the message a few moments later. What if he was undercover with Captain America right now? What if his phone wasn’t on silent or turned off, and you would give away his position to whoever he was going against? You still didn’t know the details of the jobs he was doing. The anxiety of not knowing ate you alive.

As you unpacked your things into your new lab, you groaned. You wanted to know. You didn’t even necessarily want to hear his voice or see his face– you just wanted to know that he was on the other side of the screen, thinking of you, too. You wanted to hear how he was doing, maybe tell you where he was currently at if the situation allowed it… Maybe even inform you that he was alive.

The radio silence was destroying you from the inside out. 

At the end of the day, Bucky didn’t necessarily owe you any sort of communication. He wasn’t officially yours.

You spent your days tinkering away in the lab to avoid the neverending spiral in your head. The sponsors allowed you full freedom in your work, and you decided to take as much time doing this by yourself as possible. You would begin to scout and look for a team later, and be more selective in who you chose this time around. Hopefully, these guys would be even more receptive to what your plans were.

That was the plan, at least, until your sponsor came over one day with another university student in tow. A few years younger than you, smart kid, they said. The sponsor spoke so fast that neither of you were able to even get a few words out before they left you alone in the lab.

“Um.. I’m Peter. Peter Parker,” he introduced himself, holding a hand out for you to shake.

“Nice to meet you,” you replied, giving him your own name as you shook his hand.

“Mr. Walsh told me about what you’re doing here,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m gonna be honest– I’m interested because it sounds similar to Mr. Stark’s nanotechnology.”

You let out a small laugh. Yes, that’s why anyone ever approached you with intentions of joining your team. You smiled at him, and nodded.

“Same concept, but different. I’m not building armor,” you told him, and Peter nodded. 

“Is the team just… you?” he asked slowly, and you watched as his eyes quickly darted across the room. 

“Just me,” you nodded. “You’re more than welcome to stay for the week if you would like to observe and see what I’m trying to do. I do have one successful prototype, if you’d like me to demonstrate?”

“You do?” he asked, his eyes widening. There was a sparkle in them– excitement. Something you rarely saw in other scientists your age. You couldn’t help but let your smile widen as you gestured for him to follow you deeper into the lab.

Peter officially joined your team after two days of observation. He was a better fit than anyone that you’d ever talked with before, if you were being honest. He had the energy for the technological side of the product, which meant you were able to focus on the medical portion. 

You learned that he lived alone in the city. His parents had passed away when he was young, and he was raised by his aunt, who passed away not too long ago either. 

“Don’t have… friends really, either. So I’m able to put all my focus into this,” he told you, giving you an awkward little smile. 

“That’s okay,” you said with a shrug. “The only friend I had ended up stabbing me in the back, so I guess we can be loners in the lab together.”

Peter had laughed at that, and you smiled. 

It was easy getting along with Peter. Within the following week, you realized how less lonely you were with another person around. Of course, you still missed Bucky. You still stayed up late to see if you could hear him come home in the middle of the night. He would be the type of person to forgo texting you if he knew you were asleep, you think.

But the friendship you’re cultivating with Peter helped remove your thoughts from a place that you didn’t even know you were heading into.

“Alright, Parker,” you said, stretching your hands high above your head. “Let’s call it for today.”

“Huh? It’s only… 9:30,” he said, glancing down at his watch quickly.

“Yup. And it’s Friday night. You’re at least twenty-one, aren’t you?”

“I mean, I was Blipped…” he trailed off. You shrugged.

“So was I. Let’s go drink something strong.”

The two of you find yourself in a small bar not too far away from the research lab. You realized quickly that the boy never really had a drink before, so you ordered him a beer. You can’t help but snicker at the way his face contorts as he drinks, then forces it down his throat to avoid spitting it all over the place.

“What the hell is this?” he groaned, looking at the bottle.

“Alcohol. Eat the snacks so you don’t get drunk fast,” you said with a grin. 

“You drink this stuff all the time?” he asked in disbelief, still staring at the glass. 

“Not as much these days,” you answered. “Someone told me they like it when I remember things, so I’ve slowed down.”

“You black out often?”

“Been a rough couple months, to put it simply.”

“You’re telling me,” he whispered, and took another drink of the beer. You laugh this time at the face he makes, then order him something sweet to drink instead. 

You should’ve calculated for the fact this was his first time drinking. You really should’ve. The boy ends up gone faster than you thought was humanly possible. Even when you had your first shots at sixteen (given to you by your grandfather), you were still coherent. Peter was a different type of drunk. 

“My girlfriend doesn’t even remember me,” Peter whined to you, head dropped down onto the bar. You nodded at his words, mildly amused. 

Just half a beer and a simple fruity drink later, and Peter’s loose lipped and relaxed in front of you. This past week, he’d been straightening whenever you walked into the room. He never met your eyes unless you were directly in front of him. He reminded you of a puppy, if you were being honest. You place your chin in your hand, elbow propped up against the counter as you continued to listen to him. 

“Well, she’s not even my girlfriend anymore. Ex, I guess, but I really hate that. God, I loved her– no, I love her so much.”

“She has amnesia, then? Was there an accident?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Do you know who Spider-Man is?” he questioned, words slurring at you. 

“Who doesn’t?” you retorted. 

“Me. I’m Spider-Man. No one knows,” he murmured, burying his face in his hands now. “Dr. Strange did this crazzzzyyyy spell that makes everyone who knew me, forget about me. So now I have no friends. No family. Nobody.”

“Right,” you said with a slow nod. “You’re Spider-Man. I must be Black Widow then.”

Peter looked at you, frowning. “You don’t believe me.”

You shrug, then pat his back supportively. “Tell me again when you’re not drunk out of your mind, buddy.”

“Ugh,” Peter groans your name, clearly distraught. “Imma be alone forever.”

“Well, we’re friends now. And we work together, so you’re not completely alone,” you hummed. Peter goes quiet at that, then lets out a deep breath.

“You can’t forget me either, then,” he said, voice decisive. “Swear it. I don’t think I can do this again.”

“I won’t Peter,” you promised. You still think he’s full of shit, but maybe one day he would open up about his tragic backstory. Maybe you’d tell him about yours. Either way, you only just met the guy. 

Bucky missed her. The mission took longer than he even thought was possible, but they ran into one dead end after another. This wasn’t like the other missions before. The other missions let him be gone for maybe five days maximum, but then he would be on his way back into her arms. He would be texting her the second he realized he was heading home, give her a heads up to kindly clear her busy schedule for him, and he would be all over her.

Over time, Bucky realized that he needed her as badly as man needed water.

This time, there wasn’t enough buffer for him to be able to return home to her. The dead ends were frequent, but they always found another lead. He and Sam needed to move quickly to make sure nothing would tie up without the two of them finding out what they needed to.

And now, it was over. He was certain that he would have a break until the next thing came along. He would be able to go back to courting her, taking her out on proper dates under the sun– not just the haphazard dinner dates that he messily put together on the jet ride back home. 

Bucky wanted to ask her to be his girl.

He didn’t feel right doing it when he was constantly away. He knew, realistically, that he would often be away for the nature of the job he was doing. However, he wanted to be able to spend the beginning of their relationship together, not apart. He already had it planned in his head.

Bucky would knock on her door, bouquet of flowers and chocolate in hand as he smiled, then sheepishly apologize for the lack of communication the past few weeks. If she forgave him, then he would ask if she’d like to join him on a picnic for lunch. There, he would explain to her the severity of the job he was doing. He knew she was smart, and that she would have already thought about it on her own, but he wanted to give her the choice to choose this, to choose him.

It made him nervous to think about her answer. A strong part of him wanted to believe that she would tell him yes without any hesitation. After all, she always responded to all of his late night texts in a span of a few minutes. The only time she hadn’t was when she was already asleep, but she texted back the second she woke up. She was always waiting and ready for him when he came home, happy to be taken anywhere that he thought of. 

A smaller whisper in the back of his head told him that she would say no. That the past three weeks of silence was too much for her to handle, and this wasn’t healthy. That she couldn’t live like this, especially not in a relationship. He knew her. He knew she craved stability. Bucky planned to argue every single denial she had, give her every possible reason to please choose him.

He knew that it was asking a lot. He knew that it wouldn’t be easy to be her, but he would kill himself trying to make it better for her.

“She’s probably not even awake, Buck,” Sam said with a yawn beside him, then picked up his phone to check the time. “It’s almost one in the morning.”

“Focus on the road,” Bucky grunted. Damn it all to hell if he gets into a car wreck on his way back to the apartment building– to the room right next to yours. 

Bucky was pretty banged up, if he was being truthful. To him, it wasn’t all that bad. He would tell her that he had been through worse because he has. However, he knows that she’ll take one look at him, and he’d crumble under her gaze. She would take him into her apartment, force him to sit down, and then flutter around the place while she grabbed the various medical supplies in her home.

Maybe that’s what he wanted, after a long mission. To be gently taken care of by her.

He would’ve texted her already, let her know that he was coming home if it wasn’t for the fact his phone was somewhere in the ocean, probably already down on the seafloor. Bucky decided he would have to memorize her phone number next time he got the chance. He could at least call her from a payphone somewhere just to hear her voice. 

“Woah.. Is that her?” Sam asked, the car coming to a slow pace as they approached his apartment building. 

Bucky’s eyes shot up, then narrowed.

It was. It was her. 

She was there, on the curb, helping someone– a boy– walk. His arm was thrown around her shoulder, stumbling. She was struggling, trying to keep him upright. Sam rolled down the windows– probably to listen in. Sam wouldn’t be able to hear a damn thing, but Bucky could.

“Parker– I swear to God, don’t fall asleep on me. I’m not strong enough to drag you all the way home,” she grunted.

He slurred something intelligible, something that Bucky couldn’t understand– but it made her laugh. Made her laugh so loud, without a single care in the world. Bucky’s chest tightened at the sight.

“It’s my house. I need you to wake up for a few seconds because the elevator doesn’t work and I live on the fifth floor–”

“The fifth floor?!” the guy cut you off, shouting. It made you laugh again. “Holy shit, you must be made of steel or something.”

“You’re so loud!” she hissed at him, but she’s still smiling. 

“Sorry,” he apologized, a sheepish grin coming onto his own face. 

“Give me my purse,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Need the key to go up. Lean against the wall.”

‘Parker,’ as she called him, does as she asked. His arms are crossed over his chest as he watched her, eyes half lidded and closing sleepily. 

“You really won’t leave me?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“Yes, Peter,” she said with a soft sigh as she opened up the door to the stairwell. “You’re not alone anymore, so c’mon.”

Peter’s arm returns around her shoulders, and they disappear into the building. There’s a few more seconds of laughter and giggling before Bucky can’t hear anything more, the concrete of the apartment dampening his ability to hear.

“Buck? You heading in?” Sam asked, his voice quiet. 

Bucky’s jaw was clenched tight, then he swallowed. His chest fucking hurt. His heart was beating in abnormal times. If he got an EKG at this moment, he was certain a cardiologist would flag him for a heart attack. His breathing was uneven, his eyesight was going blurry. He hadn’t blinked. He didn’t want to miss a single moment of her. 

Maybe he was misinterpreting this. This was nothing. She could have friends, he tried to reason with himself.

But fuck, he knew that she had no friends. There was no one that she fucking talked to. Did she move on?

Could he blame her? He was gone for almost three weeks this time. No call, no text. However, there was bitterness clawing up his throat and threatening to spill out. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout, yell at someone, break something– but he couldn’t. He settled with turning his face back to the road. He willed himself to breathe properly, or he might just pass out from lack of oxygen to his head.

“Compound,” Bucky muttered.

Silence filled the car for just a few moments as Sam stared at him, trying to decide he wanted to say something. Ultimately, Sam put the gearshift in drive, and began to take off down the road.

next chapter

taglist: @iyskgd @falconxsoldier @1967barracuda @retrxgreyde @lemonpiegurll @lokiofasgard616 @local-crazy @tor-tor8 @shortandb1tchy 

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[1-49]

with only your mouth

╰► two broken-hearted strangers meet on a rainless night in late May and casually make something out of it.

─────────────pairing : f! reader × jaehyun ⁝ tags : romance ! little hurt / comfort situation; fluff. cigarettes mentioned , break-ups too; soft! charged lol. w. c. 11k. a complete drag! then im the type i am, sorry!

i love him, it’s all. cutiiee. also listen, for a true dark-haired jae enthusiast i sure find my way back here.. but this bnw pic uh! the la vlog? save me!! actually, i need him. at my house. so i could pet him. endlessly! :') soo fine mmmmh !

Flashes of lightning briefly turn night into day; the thunder ’s so loud, he feels it as much as he hears it. It all still brings back memories of that day. The agony just before it begins to rain, as though there’s a tangle of pain stuck a bit down his throat. This weighty strain on his sternum, this hard ‘reach for air,’ bearly some spare for his lungs… This—this itchiness in his eyes that’s gotten so point that a tear could be shed in a heartbeat…

… almost. Because it won’t. Because the desert rarely meets rain.

Inevitably, rain alone isn’t enough to cleanse a sand-kissed eye. Still, rather—perhaps, there’s no other choice but to adapt, adjust, or let go, but miserably so, so far he’s never truly let go in the same way today ’s rain never truly arrives. It all makes him hurt even more… The easier to give up belief, the far more difficult it’s to pick all the pieces back up. Merely stitched wounds that sore incessantly ─────── as there ’s no use in treating them, they damn near rip back open every. other. day.

But today’s all-hang-on: “Screw it!” He’s been staying low for weeks due an inner opinion bullshitting it’s safer to isolate himself, so things now are in a different gear.

Just hardly any growth in a safe zone, yeah?

Jaehyun gets if he is to overcome, he’s to push for new limits. The sooner, the better… though he’s been at his own pace. So fuck it, really… if it’s not going to rain, the only or at least the least useful way he can exploit this stubborn night is to use its cooling winds to rid his mind and body of negativity.

A drive down a parched road and into the city. A Friday, on a late evening, in late May, ‘WHEN HE’S DOING IT!’ It’s as though, all week, he’s been pressured into ‘try and wind down’s by frens in the chats of his phone—individuals who seem a bit obviously-oblivious of his insatiable desire to slack off, travel back in time, and relive memories, sort of… unconditionally. Both voluntarily and destructively, the mind of a preoccupied yearner. 

Driving with these lil troubles, he finally lines up the car in the car park guarded by aged shrubs and steps outside for a moment of solitude. Only to find himself surrounded by back alleys and the saturated echo of club music & people who are nothing like him... Jaehyun’s unlike any, therefore he’s unique. But at what cost? So many places he doesn’t belong these days.

Only lonely, the night’s bitterness is all the way set into the cold asphalt curb, at the back of some of the clubs his friends promised him party, but is instead where he finds himself a place at…

A flash flood of euphoria goes in and out of the back door he’s focused on. He knows it’s one of the ways in; he knows he’s waited on, but his legs… Just aren’t making the fucking move, man! or… it’s really his fucking mind(?) At times, it seems as though he’ll always stay in this ‘state,’ motionless. Trapped in his past and current emotions… Like neither in his dreams, nor in, what is so far been, ‘weeks’ reality can he escape what happened…

Jaehyun sighs, pushing his crashed boots into the alley’s street and spreads his warm palms back onto the cool sidewalk, annoyed with himself for failing to get his thoughts straight in line before returning home. Seems the car will stay be the only thing he can line up correctly. 

Actually, staying actual- to the ‘yes’ he promised his friends- would have been the ideal option here… And maybe the few beers would have def dulled, these now, ‘trying’ effects, yet—

…here he is, staring up at a jet nightsky with a few ‘clubbers’ upsetting his desired scape for tranquility. 

Like a poisonous vapor the scent of nicotine sits on the air, imitating the tainted atmosphere of ‘that’ night; and the only change now… he hates cigarettes. Still, like clockwork, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the lighter. However dull the reason, or having no reason at all, he always has it on him. That he keeps all those memories in the flick of a lighter… Well, is something he just won’t acknowledge… They-

They continue to burn him as he flicks the chrome zippo on-&-off and back on again. 

[Flick… Flick]

“Would you?”

He looks away from the flame and straight at the standing stranger, perhaps, at this moment, too audacious to exclusively trespass into the private space he shares with his memories... What he’s met instead is a cigarette stuck between feeble fingers in an outstretched hand as he raises his head for the whole image.

A ‘Please’ swells through shy, bitten lips, brows knitted in a beg and sorrowful eyes. The foot stomping may be a result of nervousness or the cool current; it’s up to option. 

Somewhat unprepared for any company, Jaehyun does a tiny head shake, ‘shaking everything to the side,’ and stands up to help the shivering figure in front... you. Mans could have lit the cig right from where he was sitting, but it’s as though a tide urges him onwards; something beyond him draws him to his feet.

“...Sure,” he answers. “Yeah,” his attention flickering from the cigarette to you. 

—

‘Some voice…’ you think, 

much richer than any other voice you’ve ever heard; it feels like a new experience. Or you feel so, as it sends a buncha bubbles through your stomach immediately. Paired with his eyes? What a deep alchemy… Still, if you have to make a guess, he’s dealing with something, and the eyes are his windows. Although… 

although he manages... With what little is left of him, he’s communicating his empathy into you, prioritizing your need at the moment over his worries and seeming genuinely wanting to find himself useful.

The fierce lines of his face you walked in on give way to something so far removed from the concept of mystery and unapproachability as two shy creases take form on either side of the cheeks. However, all of the changes they do to his face are hardly the result of him being polite, making you calculate how much damage it could do to get a complete smile from him. 

And so, unfortunately so, under all the crushing weight of his aura, your metrics flow too fast to catch, and the fucked calculation leads you into an even frustrated smile. 

And so, even if short the moment, he lays dominance all over your nerves. 

Your lips, which have curved corners and are a gullible victim of his dimples, are his easy target. The way he’s zeroed in so passionately sort of pulls the curtain, on the prospect, of the times, and the things possible, when he’s not shy... That brisk, tempting possibility... That—

The thought alone burns you across the skin. All in and out.

Eventually, he flicks his lighter toward the cigarette that was all this time waiting on your lips, snuggled between your fingers like a promise of pleasure waiting to be realized. 

—

Jaehyun’s all about the spectacle until you draw in that first breath; then...then his eyes shift from the smoke to yours. ‘An intimacy that’s been all-too-well-lived turns into a distant blur…’ She’s nowhere in his thoughts; it’s like he’s ambiguously hit a revamp you—

You are a curious distraction…

—

You take a slow drag off the cigarette, & it’s only when you’ve suck in all its bad, your closest find ‘damageful,’ that you start to expect he won’t be one more to judge you... Because he can’t, can he? He must be a smoker too. That’s why he’s out here. That—that’s why he has a lighter on him to begin with! He—

He…

...He seems a bit too wound up for someone who should instead be… unwinding. Anyhow, 

odds still place him present at the scene. 

Secluded backstreet, separating a row of nightclubs??

Huh, definitely not a place one just lands at. Or perhaps he has come here with a purpose, but ‘that vision’ has shattered right in front of his eyes(?) your hard guess... But if you must come to something, it’s like the club wasn’t his choice; may as well wish he had never made it choice at all. He—

He’s unexpected, or at least you didn’t expect his effort on you… even—even if it was really you who set the wheels in motion, and—

And not to go on-and-on-and-on about the fact that… that he… he’s gorgeous! All-around gorgeous, a rare smashing attraction! A thousand astounding sensations might take over if—if you refrained from holding back. If—

if you allowed yourself to take him in more deeply. Just—

Well, just because…

The more his stellar, silken face burns through your headspace, the more overwhelmed you get by the way he stands in your presence. His masculine fragrance streams all over, making you feen for a chance, for a 

The feeling stupefies you... And the only way you run over it is by tearing your eyes away from him and sitting down close to where he used to sit. It’s just—

It’s JUST that he sits back, too, which you didn’t think he would!

“Thanks,” you offer, guiltily pleasuring yourself with another sweet glance at him before wandering back to the cluster of smokers for distraction.

“Mhhmmm,” he hums, “Should be careful with those, no? ...Then I don’t wanna come off as a parent, or an older sibling, listing you the risks. It’s a choice, yeah?”

Interesting… You frown sweetly, “You don’t smoke?”

He sways his head side to side, his lips forming into a ‘delectable shape.’

Right, you’re unsure what to make of it… Is he flirting without realizing or? 

Still, having nothing to grasp, you bite your smile and gesture by raising your chin in question to the object he’s still flipping between his fingers. 

“Then what’s with the lighter?”

Likewise, he… he tries to stifle the smile in advance, only it goes beyond his control. His lips stretch, baring more of his teeth. 

“What’s wrong with carrying a lighter?”

“I don’t know,” you rasp, tilting cutely, “other than maybe if-if you smoke!? If not,” you arch a brow, “I’m allowed to assume you’re an arsonist... Actually… there’s really no plausible, god-sounding excuse for carrying a lighter if you don’t smoke.”

He chuckles, bobbing his head slightly, “Fair,” keeping focus on his boots as they form intangible figures, legs extended on the concrete, half of his trousers scrubbing the dust the desert must have carried from a great distance; which! not to say, but he obviously doesn’t mind… 

This beauty thinks for a moment. He measures his thoughts for a bit and even manages to hide another small smile. The memory about it might be too sweet... or the idea, or

He bends himself forward a little, softly rubbing his cheek against his shoulder and then slowly trailing it down his arm, looking at you from a complete wrong angle... A ruinous one! Where his disarmingly dark eyes are all that remains, and his lashes kiss a couple of times enough to inflict their harm. He may give a cuddly kitten, but it’s just... His eyes at moments... 

at moments they bear the flash of a wildcat. Then in eventually murmurs from behind his leather-jacketed arm, 

“Though I can promise you I’m neither. It’s just… It’s a gift from someone.”

The confession blows your eyes tiny more than normal but you remain tender, ensuring your response is kind before diving further.

“Great taste,” you comment the lighter stylistic choice. “Someone you care about?”

With an inhaled “Ummmm,” he arches his neck. His fingers delve into his fat hair, and you watch millions of wild strands become tame to his touch. His jawline joins the study of geometry as he looks up at the black sky, or at least the thin line of it that’s visible between the tall clubs. The shape of things now is,

You. Viewing him. Posing in yet another of his wrong angles!

He’s pretty hot! 90°. And it’s like his hotness just magically doubled. Seriously, how many aspects does this guy consist of? What lengths? Cause you’ve seen insane contrasts in the short time he’s given you.

‘Just imagine loving someone just looking at them.’ Yeah, yeah, he’s that kind! Easy!

Though he finally puts you in suspense with his aggressive, compelling eyebrows & deep voice in confession, as he turns, 

“Someone I cared about… Yes.”

Lingering traces of burn perhaps, in the use of past tense… So, it’s the first time you truly, really pause and not only to think of something nice this time, but also to try to understand the stance of his words.

‘Taking in more poison,’ taking time, you tap the cigarette off ash,

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but—

“If you carry things on you that are someone’s or… serve a reminder, it’s— It’s likely they—they’re still very much a part of you. It’s simple sense, no?” 

Taken off, whether by your loud choice to be so direct this early into knowing him, or liking the fact, his brows lift and his mouth falls open, his tongue reaching his farthest tooth…

His reaction to you is so clear that you instantly gnaw your teeth into your lower lip and grow your eyes wide with a silently innocent ‘I’m sorry.’ However, that doesn’t stop you from being a further jerk… Silent nod to being a flirty one at that, thus your inability to control your smile…

“Yeah, sorry to be the one telling you this but—you also seem as if you’re still under their wraps, like... like, completely.”

“Ummmmm,” he’s reduced to his bobbing again; his lips pushed together as if he were trying to understand, or-or had already done so… 

A very much- intricate line… Stretched time of a tender ‘hum-wave’ in which you find yourself all… all fuzzy, and—and then… 

then a little bit nervous… of the depth his ocean carries, and… and then the—

the washed-off, unvoiced question before your feet of whether you’re a swimmer, and if so, if good enough because…

The currents… 

Yes, the currents!!

He takes in a deep look at you, making sure your eyes are on a deeper, different network than the one they were on before, as he asks, “How can you tell?”

With a frail sigh, your shoulders drop; perhaps you dove in an inappropriately private place(?) Taking another moment, you inhale another drag, snuff the cig off the concrete, and hug your legs.

Truth is, he’s already soaked you in his voice; might as well let yourself drown in advance. 

As it was really you! It was you who flirted with his shoreline… dipping your toes… messing up the sand… here… and then there… then going in... So, the sweeping tide—is what this is now.

“I don’t know, I just— I can.”

Right… You’ve been—hell, still are—where he’s now... so of course you can. You recognize it. And it isn’t a pretty place. 

“Woah…” he scoffs, his tongue turning roughly around as if he can’t believe the candid burn. & more than is a question for you, he murmurs to himself, “Really?” Then he looks back at you, “Do I look that miserable?”

Crazy, right? Really, impossible! How can he be miserable!?? And where on earth did that ‘choice-word’ just come from? 

‘Miserable…’ 

It just—It just seems so out of essence for someone like him. It doesn’t make sense. It-It just doesn’t... It just doesn’t happen for people like him!

But, hell, if it did, how does that word function in its meaning? How does that work? How does a badness like him end up miserable!?

If it’s to you, he exists at a level above whatever that word is. He isn’t coming in touch, even. That word... its close synonyms... and all its implications aren’t allowed to meet him! He’s the case’s antonym because… Because being miserable is a state saved for someone like you and the rest of ya buncha losers.

The most attractive man you’ve ever met—what the hell—even seen!!—and that’s on: far from being an overstatement!

All this time, all you’ve been doing is... so badly denying his badness—you’re so very much well aware of—space! You weren’t making room for his dangerously shaped lips, his lazy blinks, or his overall reserved charm to take root. Because—because all you’ve been trying to do is be patient. Be respectful, more like. Be civil, maybe just- be playful a touch; that’s really all. You’ve been—

...you’ve been robbing your eyes of him. Really, just devouring a few glances, when all he’s made about is… be looked at!

As he’s now… 

…as you’re doing it right now… because he wants you to. Because he’s allowing you. The heck, he may even insist and demand your pair of eyes not be torn apart from his. 

…And it’s when he lets them take full effect—when he’s had the surrounding world go extinct, and he’s taken you to a place where you and he are alone like a dream, and he’s made the silence speak—it’s then that they render you weak against your will. You just know your chest and neck are sort of burning, and there’s this choke you want to break-

but also don’t want to. 

And now that he’s given you the podium, you act accordingly. Or... fairer to say, rather, it’s all your poorly managed—sorta—deprived sensations proving their stupid. But genuinely, you’d go far to defend any babe clawing for a piece of him even in ‘this kinda situation.’ What the hell, sure! Because he... 

He’s a physical materialization of what has, so far, been a fragmented image in your mind. One you haven’t ‘entirely’ imagined since you lacked details. That is, until he now—a tangible specimen of what perfect means for you, and you’re just… you’re becoming hypnotized by his desirability.

But not to forget, the ‘top note’ on all this is him being wound up, and, maybe, a high reach here, but— also heartbroken. Though, then, why’s there no guilt acting as even sort of a base note of conscience!? 

You’re taking him in the way you’d exactly take someone your hormones would normally be flushed about, when perhaps the weight of his hurt is what you should be connecting to at this moment… Perhaps sympathize with his pain a little, huh? 

Uh, you’d whine it all-aloud if you could right now, but swear, it’s him! It’s all of him that gets in the way of all that!!! His flashy, blond mullet he’s placed a little effort in, and has clearly tried to get in place, but there’s that… that one strand that just recklessly won’t cooperate for-for no other reason but the sake of it!

His-his fine fingers he messed with most of the time, toying with that lighter.

His silver ring…

His smooth figure, most judged from those long legs, given the sitting position and-

and that leather jacket.

His looks so dern fine, you pick he’s a model for fun for narrative, and unarguably cover-worthy eye candy. He just lacks the tongue to his canine and a borderline implicit, quirky wink. But-but that’s how it is right now… you don’t doubt the idea, though; the range is there… That ‘made-up poster,’ you already see it in your head.

As for the time being, you break what felt like tearjerker eye contact by denying his eyes once again. Like something flipped the switch to insecure; likely it’s that the stare grew more intimate by the second. Or maybe you just became vulnerable to the conditions? Thankfully went sensitive and-and finally considered his ‘potential’ emotional state? But really, you—

you never intended to pursue anything when you made a move on him, and you—

And—and are only further nervous if your eyes might reveal something about you that you don’t even know what—FUCK, if they haven’t already, but—yeah, whatever that is… When his—

…when his have been everything transparent and listening—with that piece of hair in the way, making him, uh- just as sweet- as sultry. He’d narrow in and soften in habit depending on the pace of the convo and the things he could offer as a response, but other than that, for you—for you his eyes have been everything intimidating.

—

“Miserable?” You get back finally and after all those emotions inside of you have subliminally ‘described’ themselves in your fog of mind…

“No! No!” You follow up with a defense built on a fragile smile, brows up, and eyes that speak in a pout. “You just...”

His giggle comes out loud and endearing. An actual smile; and it’s one of those that you want to obsess over, but it’s not like he didn’t just catch you losing points when you were the one who teased first. Though it’s possible that your clumsy just reeled him in, as his eyes slowly travel down to your lips and... and they wait there.

They wait for your response as he repeats your last words like a hot reminder that you’ve fallen into a brief trance but- must still continue. 

He lets on, “I? …Just?” 

Uh, you hate that! You hate losing! You don’t like what he’s doing, either. It bothers you, where his eyes are at! And the giddy feeling they awake… Except you adore it. You—You don’t, though. Yet you

God, it’s just—it’s just

Whatever! Gulping all of that, you try stay on game. “You do look miserable!”

He smiles and his distracting teeth ease into his bottom lip

and you feel like he’s finally relaxed, and delved into a new world where he…

He knows he’s welcomed.

You don’t know how you know, or what reveals the truth, you just know that you know, and are simply happy to be that place for him. Though it’s gotta be something to do with the air and the way his warm energy winds all around you. Like he’s unafraid to let on that he likes your presence. Like when someone who accepts you as a friend and is easy to understand. 

Much to his ‘miserableness,’ he arches a brow, teasing your change in sentiment, “Suddenly?” 

You hug your knees tighter, assuming the felt sensation down your spine is done on behalf of the wind waltzing.

“Umm... I don’t know... I don’t know... Even if I don’t suppose it’s possible someone like you to end up here... being hurt I mean, but— And-and I’ve no clue the kind of relationship it is, but—but you do have this aura about you, as if you think about her all the time.” You pause on further reflection, then correct yourself. “I’m sorry! Them.”

“Her…” he corrects you in return. “I shouldn’t, though.”

You don’t know if the confession runs through you like a balm or a burn. On one hand he’s admitting he’s a yearner; on the other—you’re a dumb act to feel like this- this quickly but—but needy of that! You’re envying that he has feelings for someone else and wish they were for you instead. Total nutcase nonsense, but it’s where you find yourself being thrown at the moment, in the flux of all these emotions… You’d never have imagined yourself here but—Ah, guess what?

His fingers dig into his hair again and he frowns as he considers it more.

“Why’d you think that someone like me never gets hurt? …Or has it bad?”

“Mhmm…” you think to the sky, “You got me... I’d probably assume, ‘This pretty blondie ‘ss too pretty to be depressed.’ Or at least, that’s the gist of it, for the most part.”

“Mhmmm,” he echoes your song back. “You think I’m—”

You see his question, of course you do! That’s why-

that’s why you rush ahead even before P in ‘pretty’ is pronounced. You can’t get in more shit! Yes, he’s beautiful, but there’s likely a proper time and place for when he’s eventually receiving it for a compliment. 

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to bother you... At all! Or poke my nose in a sensitive spot. I just—I was merely saying how I felt. And-and whether you should or shouldn’t think of her, that’s-that’s something you decide for you… As well the details of her, I—I don’t—

I don’t need to know anything.”

“It’s okay, we’re just talking,” he assures you, letting his adorbs dimple curve like a gentle comma as if demanding you to pause & absorb the cavity it does in his cheek instead. 

And you do, you pause... Ughh, as if you’d want do something else… 

You’d even go as far as to reach & fill ‘it’ in, but again, it remains not your moment.

You suppose it will disappear as swiftly as it’s arrived as if it were a warning to ‘Please, don’t poke my dimple ‘till I’m yours!’ And well... When he’s not, at all!! You two barely scratch surface, so why—WHY are you even feeling this way!!?

Still, he remains here, doesn’t he? He’s equally kept the chat alive and shown no signs of disinterest, so? 

No, why is it hard to believe that maybe he—

“Then, what’s your story?” he asks finally, as if he can sense the group of doubts that suddenly launch a shootout on your lively spirit he was initially introduced to. “I suppose we’re comfortable enough now... Now that—that we know I’m screwed, if I asked and ‘assumed’ something about you too?” Giving off a playful “It’s only fair,” he rubs his chin.

Mmmh-yeah... That’d be just! Only he doesn’t know you got it just as bad... You’re just as fucked! And are just as tragic as he, having an exact tragic night! The only thing about this is you get to be pathetic together; that’s really all there is to it…

“Why are you here?”

Rolling your eyes, you scoff at the question; the ugly reaction precedes the achieved warm atmosphere, and the cynic smirk you share is, too, full of something, something not nice either. It’s tinged dark, like dire disbelief mostly aimed at yourself... Hurt has a cascading effect, and your dominoes are all in line, waiting for the first to fall- but

...you’ll pull them back if necessary! Can’t have this moment be defined by your inability to handle past wounds, because—Because this moment belongs to him! Gosh, it belongs to you too! For what’s worth, you deserve it! You deserve some–

Sighing, you ease off the burden as you look up at the sky. “Isn’t it obvious?” And sure, it has its edge again, but it’s also a blade u twist inwards.

“Very… You love to smoke, and you want to do it alone... Out and away from your friends... Isolating... Being one with the elements.”

You turn, “Is that what you’d assume?” & catch that fuckass outline of his side profile as he too seems to have tuned in on the sky.

“Well…” he hesitates, keeping search on the absent stars. “Mostly.” 

As he considers it more, an audible slurp is made by him rolling his lip between his teeth; then he decides, “Yeah, I guess, that’s what I’d assume.”

“Aaand,” you test, “what if I’m not here with friends?”

Oh, wo—The question completely freezes him out as if in a skit, then he shoots you the rapid glance like the antics of the skit’s wackiest hero. His uncomfy smile... his doe eyes…

that exaggerated expression of a scene-stealing shock hitting him as he figures your implication, make you want to reach out and hold him in like a plushie!!!

“I—” he struggles, “I’ll feel uncomfortable if—”

“If I say I’m with a man?” You cut straight, sparing him the thinking. 

It’s YUM... seeing his thick brows knit in a naive: ‘I don’t know... I don’t want to be the person th—’ take on the trip of his corrupt thoughts...

His whiskers turning confident, & his calculated blinks as he’s realizing he holds the advantage?? Then- in with the switch to humor? OH,

“Ah,” he shrugs, “then I got to spend more time with his girlfriend than he is.” 

Yikes! It goes the first pang; your heart flowers. He throws in a silly “I’m sorry” after he—

After he’s teased! And oh, whoa, surprise, it gets no shit done!

You smile, but crap, you’re nervous!

And suddenly, you’ve got your index curled, and your teeth graze the knuckle, and you… You’re inside it: “You’re cute.” 

It takes a heartbeat to set in before you—you realize you called him both pretty and cute in the span of a few lines... How-

how embarrassing... What a—What a—Yeah!  YEAH, you take no second but use the same hand to shy away of what you said, covering your lips. 

“But—uh- Though I’m with friends,” you start, and in mistake! 

Plus recalling ‘the reason’ makes your ‘spirit chip,’ just as it did just moments ago. “Honestly… I couldn’t spend another minute inside, so I got out.”

“Too loud?”

Guiding your fingers to the back of your neck, you try soothe the tension away and begin to ‘put names’ to the motives at hand. 

“Anything, really. Suffocating… Overwhelming… Too Reflective. Toxic even.”

“Oh, wow,” he cuts in, “Too much for you(?)”

Being neither on the line of question nor statement, but sure, it’s a fact, so you force another sad smirk and reason, “Does it show I’m also miserable?”

“A little,” he giggles.

“Mmmmh...” the soft hum smiles of your lips as you nod while your fingers continue on&around your cords, caressing off that extra strain.

“And the cigarettes are your escape?”

“Look, I know many say this, but—I’m really not a regular smoker. I only do it when I’m super nervous... Anxious, or whatever you want to call it. But— That’s something you’d know already, right? That lighter on you proves me you’ve either smoked in the past, or… As you said… It’s been given to you… meaning she smoked. Either way, you’re familiar with the philosophy of smoking, and the types of smokers one way or another.”

He moves his jaw around; perhaps the attitude was once more too blunt(?) And clearly chooses to -totally- overlook the latter part of your comment, which would clearly tie him to his whatever-can-be-called ex girlfriend, he asks, “Why’d you smoke at the moment?”  

“You really want to know?”

He breathes, & it creates a fragile line between his brows. There’s something so… so dangerously real in the way he deeply, “I do.” 

It’s like a love you’ve waited lifetimes for. Like—Like it wants to touch every crooked fold in your being and imprint a sliver of his light on your darkness. Like he’s ripping off the bandage you’ve placed over your heart so…so carefully…

Oh, but you were promised love before, and it’s all a lie. That prospect is a lie! That war is over! Now— Now you rarely believe in stars connecting souls, or-or that a red thread brings strangers together. But—

But

You sigh, “Okay!”

But again,

it bursts in on itself! It-it just keeps feeding on what remains of-of that empty void your past person carved out in your chest with the blade of betrayal. So…

So you have to—you’ve to always give yourself a moment to disentangle ‘their’ memory from your answers…

“I’m… I’m not in the greatest mind space either... And now, the club and everything.”

“Becausee… of someone?”

Uh, you notice the lazy detail in his voice… It’s like he’s giving you all the space you need, that he’s cozy enough to wait until you decide you want to say something again. And it lights you, again, the thought of how long he would if that were the case. 

“Because of someone,” you smile, lazying your way in your response too, “... Yes.”

And for a heartbeat… his-

his smile and eyes tango with yours. And you wish he were closer when he,

“Him?” Then in, slowly and entirely, his eyes move to your lips. “Them?”

Fuck… the distance... Fuck it!

You brain practically shrinks as he lingers down there, on your lips, insensitive; that your bottom one adopts its own heartbeat! You’d pull a smoke, but it’s no time for cigarettes... And he’s figuratively doing nothing. Figuratively doing nothing! He’s breathing. Waiting. But you can’t help but fall victim to that oh,

“Mmmh,” you murmur. “Him.”

“Soo…” he draws conclusion, “We are mutually miserable on this fine night(?)”

A giggle precedes you, “You call this a fine night!??” 

“What’s wrong with it? Other it was supposed to rain, then it didn’t. Then—the temperature just dropped, then— And we… We can’t stop thinking about the people who hurt us! See, it’s all fin—” 

A steal show; 

the sky flashes as anger swallows the ‘dark,’ & the thunderous strike ‘chops’ his ‘fine’ in half. Stroke of electric death or stroke of life, it honestly boils to what you want it to be. Still, in the stillness that follows, you bear the weight, shaken slightly of the cruel breeze that sweeps the entirety of the narrow alley.

“Um, Sorry, what a—” he rises abruptly. “Want to have my jacket?”

“No need to,” you wave your hand. “Thank you, I’m fi—”

OR! duration in which he’s already removed it, stepped in, and is now draping it over your shoulders. The offer—NO, not even being a question of choice apparently, as he’s made it his mission!

You go frantic, just like a deer in the middle of the road, though he’s already made it to your shoulders. The warmth that accompanies his dimpled smile spreads across your face as you look him up…

Pulsating throbs of your heart as ‘your’ two frictions force reaction—his gentle hand taking careful time brushing your bare shoulder. His touch alone is birthing so-many-more goosebumps than the night is; you’re only left hoping he thinks it’s only the temperature.

When-

when he’s letting you know you two are at a temperature of comfort and capability!!!

“—Fine,” you finish. Taking in a gulp, snugging it better, your hair stays caught beneath the leather. & it’s instantly felt… the embrace. Not only from the jacket but from the kindness he’s so far shown you. 

“Thank you,” you do so gently,

because no more is needed… 

...because he’s sat way closer to you than he’s before, and now…

even only whispering will do!

Now…

You’re sat so close, you can catch the roots in the blonde suggest a natural hue that’s perhaps been bleached in a ‘riot’ or a ‘change’ and a ‘move on.’ Though there’s something more out of place, like—

Like the visible manifestation of his, too, perhaps, shyness.

It tones... It colors the porcelain corners of his ears so openly. Involuntary, just as stimuli… Another prospect, you gather; the fact he’s palpably soft-skinned... Likely sensitive in parts of his body that haven’t been ‘lovingly’ ‘rubbed raw by real touch.’ Or…

or a further ‘foretaste’ really, of those times and those things possible when he’s not shy... Of-

of the extent this blush could go… if

Fuck! For what else could exert such dilation but the fact he’s touched you? 

Either he’s blushing because his heart doesn’t have an ego or… Or because he likes you, even if a tiny bit. In any case, this ‘blushing miscommunication’ buys into your heartspace without payment. And you’d shoo him out of there but- 

your excitement escapes the undersurface as you smile to yourself. 

And—

It. doesn’t. go. by. him!! Reaching for ‘what’ you just gatekept, he,

“What?”

Those succulent dimples… 

Denying him your insane thoughts, all… ALL of which involve him, you close your eyes, wave your head and shrug your shoulders underneath the funny, kissing feeling of his jacket. 

“Nothing.” 

And quite the nocturne of buildout, the way the lightning isn’t only in the sky but in the corner of your eye too. Flickering, followed by the roll of another thunder, it crashes boldly, as above, so inside. 

‘This texture’ of his engulfs you, and perhaps you’re here, and nothing else matters, & nothing more needs to be said… or asked, but 

…as some have said, 

‘the arrow endures the bowstring’s tension so that in the release it can become more than itself.’

And curiosity, deeper engagement… energy, all beg to be released…

The minute silence is so still it’s violent;

The right, prolonged stare you both share, taps in the same frequency; your words coming in synchrony:

“What did he do to you?”

“What did she do to yo—”

—

The tides turn a bit; his voice dips a chord darker, a bit provoked but still in appetite, 

“You said you weren’t interested.”

“I know I did, but—” you look to your feet, subdued. His masculine push intertwines with your guilt to tighten your belly, and you have to actually swallow the feel that comes with having a change of heart before you give your voice a gut. 

“...Maybe now I am.”

“What changed?”

You shrug, but you know your reason. Yes, you wanted to know why he’s hurting at any point; it’s just that you want to know now more than you did before.

“Either way,” he reasons, “I asked you first.”

You dwell on it, stuck on the metal manhole right in the middle of the alley road, and it’s like… the more you think over the right words, the more you sense from the edge of your eye like he’s struggling to slim his smile into a serious thinking pout, but- like- like he’s going to be there, and he’s going to smile, no matter what you’ll say.

“I loved him too much,” you ultimately admit, “it scared him away.”

“So… A coward?”

“I mean…” you scoff, “It’s alright... I just had to accept it as it is… It’s fine not to be so equally in love with somebody,” 

somebody being you, 

“and then, actually have the guts to tell them. It’s better that way, I suppose.”

He tilts in a bit- to get you to stop looking at the ground and at him! 

“Was he that way?” 

You come silent. Actually! on second thought, not only did ‘he’ tell you he didn’t love you, but he went on and did the worst thing possible… Taking in ‘his’ shame, which you shouldn’t, you barely mumble, “No, I guess...”

“You guess!?” he reacts impulsively. “So, he cheated on you?”

Again, his plainness goes to where it shouldn’t and you shoot him an irate look before... 

before you take a breath and- 

“Yes.”

“That’s not only a coward, but a jerk.”

Your irate look?? Likely just sharpens. 

You know it does, cause your frown lines etch themselves deeper into your skin, and you’re gritting your teeth.

“Sorry, I—I don’t mean t—I didn’t,” he stutters, “I—um, hurt you, I mean.” 

These, these ‘Why are you frowning at me?’ eyes of his, this-this ‘What did I do?’ 

“I don’t want to make you remember something you—”

“You’re not!” You interrupt… then-then close your eyes and hold your nose.

Temper... temper... Don’t lose your temper! This isn’t exactly fight or flight, and he’s exactly the one to be angry at! It’s- just— talking. Sigh... And rage isn’t exactly evil; it’s grief with nowhere to go… It’s love that’s been… That’s been left in the cold.

And the gap he leaves isn’t loud; it’s just that he.. is… careful. again.

He draws his legs in and rests his elbows on his knees. It’s like he weaves his words in a perceptive, quiet guise before he even-

he even lets them into the air. He is—he’s that considerate… 

“I am… I’m getting to you… or at least some part of you that loved him, or still does.”

[Pang!]

You gulp.

Your heart blushes at the first declare; actually, TF?? ‘I’m getting to you.’ 

!??What-WHAT is that even?

It certainly scratches a part of your brain, as you repeat it. Though you know what he means by it; that he’s probably upsetting you the more he’s reaching, but—

‘Yes! Yes! You’re getting to me!!’

AAAaaa!! and a frown can only last so long till it becomes a smile!!! And biting it again, you wave your head, but uh

Boyish, warm, curious, “What?” 

A slow reprise. You watch him. He watches you. 

“...Nothing.”

It’s everything!

Lovestruck and silly.

A silly game… 

and you’re playing it,

with him.

You’re clenching your fists into the lapels of his jacket, and every skin on your arms prickles. The warmth in your face hasn’t left in over a hot minute… ‘Is this safe?’

His flirtatious quiet and shy, yet toothy smile, makes all feel love. 

So, how—How could that not ensnare you in an awful trap of trying to dissect him and determine what he’s made of and what fuels him!???

“And her?” 

“Her!?” He squints as if trying his memory of the last page you two were on, then, 

“She was—

She was too much. She…

She was everything but mine… Everything else. And— gradually she was starting to shape me into something I’m not. And I simply couldn’t pretend to be the perfect person she wanted me to be, I’m not the type... It began to feel manipulative… the whole thing. Although I only started to realize that— and her intentions… way too late. Because I was too blind falling in love with her.”

You—YOU JUST DON’T SEE IT! So your senses storm: ‘Motherfucker, you’re perfect! What else—What else could she—’  

yet instead,

“Ouch,” you act, placing a hand over your heart to simulate the pain. “Your storys kinda awful too.”

“Kinda,” he hums; his charm melting off his lips like ice cream on a hot summer day right off the cone as he teases in the question, “See why I’m miserable?”

“I can totally see,” you give your ‘honest’ and bring to toy your thumb to cut over your bottom lip as if in deep thought. “She sucked the life out of you... Like—

like you’re desperate! …You’re full of yearning.”

He chuckles, bobbing softly. “Should never forgive her for that.”

“You learn fast.”

He hesitates a bit, flirting and keeping you on the edge, “... I don’t.”

OOOF!

He shouldn’t be there! This blond, chocolate-eye shouldn’t have the authority to wind up in your stomach, but he did just that!! With his fucking voice… And his fucking face… With his fucking

He’s got you to smile for him soo bad! He’s-He’s gotten you so much—

OH, HE’S sending your chemicals outta wack!! Giirl, get up!!

You feel like falling in love with him off of it... his smile. But—his interest is still so irreconcilable!! True, he urged you into a constant giddy chat, and a steady eye contact, but once the silence returns, so does reality… It-it just feels too intimate, too demanding, too—

—

You try pulling from that dream again, getting cozy, hugging your legs more to your chest and resting your chin on your knees.

Wondering if the hot crush would just glide off like everything love-like has glided off on you in the past, you start & ‘try’ shapes on the asphalt.

You set yourself for a little challenge, that’s to ignore him! Just forget he’s there till he decides he’s had it with you, or—or till your friends are finished inside & are ready to go. Just place him out of this scene; pretend he’s invisible; pretend you don’t wish to—

Ah, not only he’s right there with you, he sifts closer, to where your bodies touch, to where

The amber light of the street lamp so delicately falls onto the stream of hot veins along his hand as he reaches down for the ground too… 

However, what his ‘exploration of the shared ground-space’ means is ‘a way to another justified contact.’ This phoney, ‘unaware’ ‘skin meeting skin,’ as his hand occasionally brushes off of yours...

But what’s guilty though, are the risks in the intimacy of imagining his hand on yours… or comparing it to yours... 

Of your palms pressed together. Of his hand on your skin. Of his hand on more of you… And then? 

His hands as plural! 

Of his irradiated touch, and how it melts your mind… 

Really, all cycling back to the thought and the ache for, the time and the place when he’s not—

…when every motion of his fingers perfectly crafts a sin.

And—yeah, yeah—that’s an unfair way to view him right now, but- you’ve also had your two drinks, and he’s been—

It’s so unfair!! because you can’t work more through tonight’s pain with someone like him; it makes you feel bad since he’s hurting too. It’s beyond simply finding comfort in someone’s warmth & serenity, & asking for more emotional depth would be just baseless, because-because

It’s hard to accept, but- 

...you’re just lonely, and he’s the first to touch your loneliness… That doesn’t mean you get to expect things from him, however; you lack that right! He’s merely someone who-

who let you light your cigarette, & the rest is—

NO! It’s really unfair- to think of him in this way- but you SWEAR it’s something in his rude vanilla hair and its uncertain length. Something in that chaotic strand that curves over his forehead forming him a heart shape… In the way his ends flirt with his nape, playing for your pull... Something in his multi-core voice, and the way its notes slip across your skin and sink into your pores.

His collapsing cheekbones…

His vibrating giggles. 

His bruising ears.

The way his eyes would not move from you.

The way he’s kept the spell, locked.

His blueness he’s shared with you. 

His ‘honeyed self’ that’s gotten you more and more ‘stuck’ every time he’s spoken or done something, so now—

You swear all these combine and grind hard!! to give him romance! He could just decide now to stroke a finger down the land of your inner arm, sketching roses, and it’d be just another typical aspect of the

Abruptly,

he peels your hand off of the concrete & gently lays the back of it inside his palm.

His eyes search yours as if to bring your focus on what he’s about to do in advance of his fingertip slowly starting to trace letters on the tender surface of your love line, life line, and fate line in

‘C A N   I   K  I S S   U ?’

The drag is endless…

…then he lifts his puppy eyes to look at you, and the magic felt is telling you so much. 

Caught between being the sweetest angel and the sweet fear of having just made himself vulnerable, you feel like exhaling dandelions each time he blinks, dreading your answer. How come this one wounded creature could be so astonishingly cute!?

This—This stranger whose name you don’t even know and whom you seem to have loved before you met... This-this man of your fantasies, whom you waited for, and now that he has your hand in his—YOU JUST WANT TO YANK HIM IN and embrace eternally. You can stay locked in his dreamy, passionate arms and absorb his artful and phenomenal ways!

Save, you also can be a lil cheeky too! You want him to play the goof a tiny bit more, so you make him wait! 

You make him wait, & the seconds play off of his uncertainty so messily. He’s so fluffy- as you act all confused like you didn’t catch what he just wrote… 

“What!?”

He gnaws on his cheek; he knows you’re about the fun; he lets you. His lips flatten, keeping the giddy, and his fingers curl over your knuckles and intertwine with your hand from behind. 

Charmed, your fingers press over his. With no real distance, ‘you can taste his breath as much as you can feel it…’

His tone drips like a smooth, smoky drink, all whisper, “Can I kiss you?”

You wished it; still, you glance away. You inhale. You take a moment before facing h—

What the hell, “Sure.” 

What could go wrong? You’re probably never going to see him again, so, 

“Why not(?)”

He smirks thru his hot bite and motions forward to kill the gap; the anticipation, however, naturally makes you close your eyes. And it’s what you can only describe as suspense; you just feel him moving, changing the air to a minty breath as you ‘imagine’ his lips open a touch.

You get the complete tingle, and then there’s the complete contact... His nosetip presses against yours in what you assume is ‘last chance permission,’ forcing your eyes open, so you just then find yourself with only one path in sight, one you can’t come back from, one that is his lips, his lips, his thick bottom lip!

And, the only ‘wait’ now, is only him, etching ‘this,’ ‘near his heart,’ and yours too. 

This moment… this bit in the universe… you. Someone new and unfamiliar. 

Because just now, neither of you knows how the other tastes… or the way you’ll individually sigh after you touch each other to your bones.

And, 

he’s not clustering any courage to have a deep feel anymore; his moist lips rest on yours; he knows he’s separated you from anything that doesn’t connect you solely to him.

“What kind of kiss…” he slides his fucked smile over your lips, “do you want it to be?” 

The rush, from your brain- to your throat- to your tongue- to your lips???

Is this looooong wait going to be worth it!??

Yes, a kiss is a sentence.

It’s art... It’s an exploration to discover more than what’s already there. An exploration for something more than this.

…And he’s silly, and the push of your dominoes will be his exact boyish nature.

You shrug, digging your nails into your fist to make sure it’s all real.

“You don’t know?” he teases.

“Just a kiss,” you breathe, “A simple kiss. That’s all I-” 

The rest of your words are lost ag— His lips curl to yours as he enclose over your mouth like a puzzle piece fitting in place and closes slightly to interlock.

The slow, lingering first kiss, right? The one it helps you understand something about the other person, right?

Well, with his honesty and melancholy, that’s the type of kiss he can offer you tonight, to your preference or not. And it’d be your own doing, your own foolishness for falling for such a stranger, mysterious and hurt, thinking he needs to prove something to himself…

—

You don’t need to tell him what you want in a kiss,

your lips take in each other in a fragile way, and they know! The tone is nothing fierce, but soft and uncomplicated. Side these unnerving sounds of breathy sighs and lip-smacking you both carefully lay in each other’s mouths... on purpose. 

Then it’s all about pace;

the angle at which he tilts his head;

the first time he slides down your chin, and you let his upper lip in;

the moment your tongues touch;

his first moan.

And only then, what starts in hesitation swells with possession. 

The untamed of human nature... The notion of being the first, even if you aren’t the first, is... intoxicating. Wanting to show you if not everything he knows how… everything that’s—

...next, he’ll be taking you boldly and without warning close to him.

His fingers trace the edge of your jaw, and you can feel the galaxies ripple beneath his touch. “Do I“ he breathes, his fuller lip dragging across yours, “Do I press harder?”

OR, ‘lips that have built the design, will now tear it!!’

At worst, the lightning goes equally in the sky as the question & you whimper even before you have a chance to react differently! Humiliating, your sensitive boils over,

“Yeahh,” you plead. 

His wet, “Yeah?”

Very…

His teeth serve the introduction, sinking into your bottom lip, and then he slides his hand in, his fingertips dig at the soft skin just behind your ear and his palm locks your cheek. What it really does is, easy coerce you into giving in—helps him pry your mouth open so obscenely so his tongue can reach deeper.

Your ears perk as a hard moan escapes you from someplace disgustingly forgotten, a sound that should drive wild anyone with working hormones...

He’s pure heaven to touch tongues with!

Ensnaring you... softly but aggressively, as the sweetness of lustful saliva lubricates. Likely some of your cig breath catches onto his lungs, as his minty taste contrasts with your ‘occasional’ habit. Or a sensational exchange that feels very used to; you’ve both been here before; felt it; done it, yet not entirely like this, because he—

…kissing a complete stranger—

…exactly kissing him—

He’s got your hot face in his palm, and the frequency, is the rate…

Of having a matching heartbeat, and each heartbeat’s a thunderclap.

Of slutty rising noises as your lips start to feel baked, catching smoke in the fire of his lips. It’s like he’s on a mission to find every weak spot that makes you gasp in his mouth just a little bit harder... a little bit louder, and a little bit more needier… 

And he’s swallowing every sound, believe… Just as his moans escape him in time for your kiss to catch them. The anchor’s getting dripped, chain link after chain link, after- plummeting deep.

The kiss turns hard, like every flash in the sky rages from your arc. Like, fuck, his own need for destruction those couple of months is perhaps now being taken out on you! But you don’t want him—

‘Stop... Oh my god, don’t stop!!’

Bloods races the pleasure center, & your brains beyond dissolved; otherwise, it’d take you a moment to understand your next action…

…The pads of your fingers taking on the cutting of his jaw…

…your nails digging into his face... 

Think-think, trashing a canvas! How dar—

Actually, it’s what tosses you over ecstasy’s edge, the fact you’re touching him where you shouldn—

“Pleease!!”

“Please what?” he smirks against your lips, his voice muffled in deprived hue! JUST unneeded!!

“I don’-don’t know!” You whine, frustrated, stimulated.

Yesss... yes, Do you want it worse? ’cause you got his face tight, and everything slipping out of control could easily get a whole lotta hotter. But-but

you aren’t his, and he-

he isn’t yours, and—

It cuts! Whatever that was, it gets cut. 

Your temple rests against his, and you’ve got your eyes closed, waiting for the embarrassed strain of really, whatever that was, really, to ease before you can face him again. Though-

though you continue to hold his face, even after your eyes meet his again in the dim light. 

...His face structure,

...his face structure, his face structure—and your hand as the measuring tool!

His sleek lips puffed from all the rub, painted in your lip product, looking miserably—

His rosy, now not only ears, but fucking cheeks.

It’s like he’s been through a war; he’s unaware, & you want to giggle, but you bite down. again!

Your thumb and index, however, disappear into something as you hold him. On each side, they sink into the most tender skin, the most tender tender you’ve ever touched, ever known, ever—

The gift-the 

stops your heart…

You-

He chuckles softly at your reaction… infuriating, confusing you-you

“Did you feel something?” 

You-

you take the question for a pause! pulling away for air and waiting for whatevers heavy on your throat to drop... He’s disarranged you! with his mouth; with what he’s crammed and left of him in there, in you; with his dimples, with his—

but you still tug on the corner of your lip and lie. “No?”

Tsk tsk… You play too much... 

Not that it’s a lie, either. It’ll take time to rip ‘either of them’ entirely from your hearts and lives. And the kiss just tested on that; on whether the two of you are still emotionally led by these abusers of your love. People you loved but turned out careless with your hearts. While one didn’t know how to handle so much of it, the other wanted something different entirely, so much they didn’t know what they wanted in the end.

His mouth forms that delectable shape it does, “No?”

You slowly shake your head… Whether you’re lying or not… He—

“Then,” he looks down, his brow lifts rather critically as he spins the ring on his finger, “...that must mean we’re still bound to them.”

“Oh, really?” 

“Mmmmh,” lingers intentionally as he gives the ring another allusive turn and rubs the space near the knuckle. Then slow and deliberate with his words, he tries again; his lashes lazily flick up from the ring at you, following the question’s tempo, “Wanna try again?” 

But damn, if anything, you see his lowered stare as an attack! His submission is almost insulting;

‘We can always try again’ shines over his eyes, like a mirror glaze on a chocolate cake. He’s starved you with his eyes! like you’d never be free of that stare or him ever again.

And your dragging out a simple answer has him stilling inappropriately so close! His breath, everything invasive, harasses your face, persuading your body in ways you can’t escape.

And it all comes to a pinnacle,

as lightning knocks the whole fucking sky out! Forked, hot-white, from sky to earth, and there’s no going back; you feel it; you know it! Your eyes on him, his on yours... Breathing... Watching... Tired of waiting.

No hesitation; no doubt stands in between. The thunder supervenes, demanding you not to veer away, and his hand slides through your hair again, his fingertips digging in at the back of your head like 5 needles so u’d feel the intensity of his claim as he pulls you

You—

you don’t need to answer!

His lips crash against yours, sore, way softer. His tongue slavers, unashamed, pressing eagerly into every nook. A sorta kiss it pulls your breath from your soul. So much lip friction; so much touch; your mouths merge into a dance so slick—slipping and sliding in perfect sync. 

His other arm seamlessly circles you, wrapping around you just below your ribcage and gathers you against him. So much your body overfills with every emotion possible, you start to ball your fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against you as he groans softly, low in his throat. 

So much desperation, as if there is no time for kissing, but he wants you to know that in the future, there will be… A kiss in so much loneliness, like a hand pulling you up out of the water, scooping you up from a place of drowning and into the reckless abundance of air. He—

He’s got your past ‘distresses’ of weeks and weeks disappear!

And your next guttural moan consumes you in shame of itself as his teeth all suddenly fall into the soft skin of your burning neck. Then all quick, replaced by his tongue stabbing over… suckling hard… yet biting again. 

Pain equals pleasure; pleasure is pain; the feeling is…

absolute.

And the idea... of him indulging you there... where all your most vital veins are, one of the tenderest areas, the passage between your head and your heart—taking in your weak skin between his teeth but- ‘enough-precise’ not to leave a bruise, for there’s likely a time and a—

dragging his nose along the slope; licking the perfume across ur collarbone; just making you ache for more, making you need the dampness; making you—

Unmaking you. 

And as he comes up again, ‘shying’ in your hair, nibbling at your earlobe, you’re in much of a hold of a deeeep breath, not able to let it out for shit! All‘s just... CAUGHT! A long ‘fuuuuck,’ would explain you somehow, but you realize you’re still in public, and he’s still a man out of a dream who-

who just appeared from nowhere!

Worse, as it’s like all your fuckass restraint spurs him on!!

“You.. Are…” he leads on, his smile tickling your ear with the worst goosebumps. And it’s just that, a cuntass lead-on! His breath hot in your ear… His dark hue of a voice rubbing your ears- like without worry of kink... when—

“It’s insane… to me… I still haven’t got your name... You make me fight so much for it.”

Or, making your eyes shut-close as something ‘Baby’ convulses across you, and down! He’s not finished with it, but his dirty smirk has!!

OH, fucking, RIGHT! HIS NAME!!! …Your name!

It hits you! And you squeeze your eyes shut harder at the whirlwind of all the sorts ecstatic.

And they stay closed! They stay closed until you feel him tuck some of your hair behind your ear, and you-you jerk at the motion. Really, jerk at the motion!

The no-consent action, even if the most subtle, after all the indelicate you two just did, feels… yeah, you don’t know but— inexplicably… big. Immense. A pause on itself. Like all the anticipation and nerves are finally coming to their end, or maybe… their start(?)

With the ‘stormy’ foreplay, standing at its peak… 

With the breeze fading away, it immediately becomes… warm.

With the lightning and thunder fighting each other out in the darling desert sky… 

And in comes the calm… With the rain,

as small silvery raindrops start to fall on him… on you… on everything all around. 

Your eyes start to blink at the sight of him as the droplets begin to form pace. Looking at his attractive cheeks, now a wreck, and his fuller lips—just evidence of how hot things become… Of what they help create... Of

...Of the rude foreshow, just out of reach... of the times and the places when he’s not—

Right!! Your name!

…Which then he matches with that delectable shape of his mouth you noticed he loves to do,

“Jaehyun.” 

It enkindles your flirty lipbite, easily! And you go and do the same he’s done you—

smoothing his ruffled blond hair and tucking it behind his ear like a cutie!

A timeless beauty... SURE! You see how he could be a muse and how someone would want to write about him unconditionally.

You smile at the thought... then try his name & tune in to the way it sounds when you say it.

“Jae-hyun.” 

Mmm, definitely giving him a pace he can work with… being the bobbing returns. Along his soft hum, along that deep blink... But in the next moment, it’s—

it’s like in the next moment you surprise him. Only it’s just the rain’s fault for getting harder, as you peel his jacket off your shoulders and hand it back as you rise to your feet,

and it’s like he sees no alternative and goes and does the same. 

You get over ‘the hand back’ with the feeling like his fingers scrape past yours in the hopes of gaining more; like so much is communicated only through your eyes and a touch. Yet, you two are at a way-apart distance, like at the beginning when he rose to light your cigarette, and the gap just helps you put into perspective just how bodily-close you were actually to him all this time, just seconds ago.

This sculpt of a man…

that’s getting gradually more drenched… 

And who barely takes half-a-step to be inside your space. again.

By literally pulling you in in a new, unexplored way—his hand grabbing your waist and,

and intentionally or not, driving your top up for a real-skin performance as his fingers roughly meld into you.

Corrupt, is the word. 

So much, it makes you wonder who’s more firm—JUST who’s more insistent, him or the rain.

And at worst, it’s a killer transition—him slightly looming over you; really, Jaehyun’s ‘just-ripped’ cockiness, LOOMING over you. 

He just stares, and smiles, and holds your waist tighter... So much! it makes you wonder what’s going to happen next. 

So much the rain starts to feel heavy on his hair, and as a droplet drips from one of its ends onto your forehead, your lashes flutter in an whole obnoxious bodyshiver...

It trickles down your face-It trickles down your face and it ripples something basic, something primal... But so much, it sends you spiralling faster as his eyes dare down to you.

The sensuality ruins your layers; strokes your tummy, and makes your fingers curl in stress of whether you should reach for him and touch or not.

So much it unnerves you, but it’s the kinda unnerve where is beautiful.

Where now,

is he,

who gets to sit with his thoughts in his little boy grin, and your only fret is, ‘What’s wro—

A reprise, of a sweet reprise, of a—

“What?”

“Nothing,” he smiles, lowering himself down to you; his rain lips hovering in front of your rain lips, “I was just wondering how much I’ll have to fight for something more.”

“Like?”

He smirks, tongue in cheek, “You.”

The whole of you!?

“...A lot.”

“MHHMMM…”

“You like that?” you mess a bit more, in a deep low. 

“Do, you,” he assures you, planting a playful kiss an inch away from your mouth,

cruel on the fact he’s sending your sensations for a run on another mile.

“...Don’t hold back.”

Then pulls just a bit, just as silly rolling his eyes,

“Okay… maybe as long as nothings done behind my back.”

—

Whatever, baby, sure! Let’s make fun on our wounds. Fuck around and find out. Touch, and figure it out.

© 𝟭-𝟰𝟵. do not copy, translate, repost, and modify my works.

[mountttmase]

Learn To Love Me

Note - SURPRISE!!!! I know ive been gone for like a week but im feeling loads better and ive missed you guys so so much 🩷 I’ll reply to any anons ive been sent whilst I was away in a bit but thank you for being so so kind and understanding 😘 this fic has been a labour of love for so long and thank you to my queen Elisa for all of her help and support through it all 😭 I know it might not be everyone’s cup of tea but if you like drama than I hope you like this 😂 feedback is appreciated as always and ily guys so much 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 25k

Warnings - smut, angst and fluff

‘You nervous?’

‘A little bit’ you answered, twiddling your thumbs nervously as you sat on the end of your bed for the evening. Whenever you had a night out planned like you had tonight, you liked to splash out on a nice hotel room so you didn’t have to worry about getting home at stupid o’clock and this hotel was always your favourite.

‘It’s just Mason, what’s there to be worried about?’ You heard from the bathroom and when your best friend Betsy walked back out all dressed up you felt even worse because now you knew you couldn't back out even if you wanted to.

‘I know I know, it’s just… What if he doesn’t want to? Then the whole plan is ruined’ you told her as she took a seat next to you in order to put her shoes on and you knew she was about to be as persistent as usual.

‘Trust me, he will. You look hot and that boy will eat you up. Let’s head over early and get some drinks down you, yeah? I bet you’ll feel better about it with a bit of liquid courage’ she told you and all you could do was nod. ‘I’m just popping to the loo and we’ll head over okay?’

Whilst Betsy was gone you sent Mason a quick text, thinking if you did that you definitely couldn’t back out and not even a minute after you’d sent it he’d replied.

How you’d managed to get yourself into this situation, only you knew

Mason was a friend from school, but you liked to use the term friend lightly. You had a few classes together and whilst you were always polite to him you weren’t exactly besties, only really talking because your best friend at the time and his were dating on and off so you were around each other sometimes. Your parents also sort of knew each other too and sometimes you’d see him outside of school but apart from that he was like any other person you went to school with.

Except he had a big fat crush on you and everyone knew it.

It was the worst kept secret at school, but you ignored the heart eyes and longing looks he’d often send your way and pretend like you didn’t know. You knew he was getting stick for it and you actually found it admirable that he wasn’t backing down and denying his feelings but he wasn’t your type at all and you knew no matter how hard you tried you’d never feel the same for him.

How you’d both ended up in Manchester was a bit of a mystery. When you both lived at home, Manchester seemed like the furthest place away in the world yet here you were, Mason playing for man united and you, running your parents business so they could have an easy time back home.

You couldn’t deny they deserved it. Back when your dad was your age he opened up a record store in Portsmouth that was still going strong, however he soon transitioned from selling vinyls into making them. Opening up a factory in Manchester as it was cheaper than near you but they were able to manage from home and at one point he was the market leader. Things had slowed down when you were growing up as they fell out of fashion but now they were back on the rise and business was booming.

You knew why they’d put you in charge, them telling you it was because you were the eldest sibling so therefore the business was yours to take over but you knew that wasn’t the whole truth. Your younger sister Suzi was the one blessed with all the brains and therefore it would be 10x easier for her to get a job rather than a sixth form drop out like yourself.

You’d been fully in charge of the factory on your own for three years now after you’d spent a few years learning everything from your parents and whilst the business hadn’t grown at all, it also wasn't failing and you took that as a sign of a win. If you were completely honest with yourself, you knew why the business was the way it was and you knew it was your fault but at this moment in time it didn’t bother you too much. You were happy living away from everyone and getting to reinvent yourself whilst you spent your money that you probably didn’t deserve.

It probably didn’t help that you didn’t have much of a team helping you run things. You had an assistant named Flo who was basically running the business for you but your right hand woman was Betsy. You’d met her in a club toilet one night, bonding over the designer bag you had with you and by the end of the night you’d hired her. Betsy came from a well off family and had never had a job before so when you told her you were looking for some help she jumped at the chance to join you but you both knew with her around you wouldn’t be working.

She was much help at all, you spent more time having lunch and having ‘business meetings’ than actually doing what you were supposed to be but she was your best friend in Manchester and she was helping you live the life you’d always wanted.

It's not that you didn’t care, the company made you a lot of money to fund the life you wanted so it’s not like you were happy about the fact it was flat lining but you weren’t really in the mood to help fix the situation either. You knew you had to grow the business but that would cut into the time you spent with your friends so you just… didn’t.

Since moving here, you and Mason had grown a little closer. He was relentless sometimes, liking all your instagram posts and replying to your stories with the heart eyes emoji. You'd often see each other on nights out as you ran in the same circles, money always attracted money and everyone would comment on how love sick Mason seemed with you but you just brushed it off. Accepting the bottles of water he’d get you at the end of each party and letting him know you were fine to get back to your hotel safe when it was just you left. Most of his friends knew you’d known each other growing up and some of them were really trying hard to get you to give him a chance but you just didn’t have it in you. Your eyes only set on one man.

Ross was a music agent you’d met at an event around a year ago and after six months of putting the work in and trying to catch his eye, he agreed to take you out.

He was handsome and successful and everything you wanted in a guy. You both spent your time partying and wasting your money on silly things but he was yours and you were his. He was fun and exciting and seemed like the missing piece to your life up here. That was until earlier that week when he told you he didn’t see things going anywhere and that he wanted to end it. Following it up by spending that evening in a club with a load of random girls before posting pictures of himself with them draped all over him on his stories.

You found them the next morning after having spent the night in tears, a sticky and uncomfortable feeling migrating over your skin as you saw his hands on a girl's waist in one picture whilst they were on a different girl's bum in the next. You couldn’t face looking anymore and quickly shut your phone off but it didn’t stop the tears from silently streaming down your face as you hid your face in your pillow and tried to block the world out.

‘What am I gonna do, Betsy? My life is over’ you huffed later that day. Flopping down onto your bed next to her in hopes you’d get a bit of sympathy from her but her nose was stuck in her phone like usual. She’d invited herself over after you’d sent her the pictures but right now you wished you were on your own again.

‘You’re life isn’t over, stop being so dramatic’ she sighed but you didn’t have a chance to respond. Your phone buzzing by your side and you quickly sat up and opened it in hopes it was Ross messaging you to apologise.

‘Oh great, even bloody Mason’s messaging me now’ you huffed. Falling back again and covering your eyes with your arm but you could hear Betsy’s stupid laugh from next to you.

‘Oh no, not a hot footballer. Whatever will you do?’ She asked sarcastically and you knew she was rolling her eyes at you. ‘Of course he is, that boys like a love sick puppy when it comes to you’

‘Don’t remind me’ you grumbled. Not wanting to think about that right this second as Mason was the least of your worries.

‘You know you could always use that to your advantage’ Betsy told you. Turning on her side and moving your arm away from your eyes so you could look at each other but you didn’t understand the expression on her face.

‘What do you mean?’

‘What’s the one thing you could do that always had Ross running back to you?’ She asked but as hard as you tried, your mind was blank.

‘I don’t know’ you shrugged and she rolled her eyes at you playfully like it was obvious.

‘Oh come on girl. Another guy so much as looked your way and he couldn't take it’ she told you and you couldn’t help but agree. He barely let you look at another boy when you were out with him even if you were all out together. It was annoying sometimes but you just figured it was because he loved you so much and wanted you all for himself.

There was an odd look on Betsy’s face, a bit like she was scheming something and when you raised your eyebrows at her she sent you a devilish smile.

‘Why don’t you and Mason take a few cheeky pictures together and let Ross accidentally see them? He’d be yours again in no time I bet’ she suggested and her idea shocked you. Wondering if she was right and it would make Ross come running back but there was something about that just didn’t sit right with you.

‘When you say a few cheeky pictures? Do you mean …?’

‘You need to fuck him, babe’ she told you matter of factly and you couldn’t stop the frown that took over your face.

‘You think? That seems a bit harsh on Mason and won’t he think it’s weird if I’m suddenly all over him?‘

‘So butter him up a bit? He’s so hung up on you I bet he’d take whatever you gave him’ she told you nonchalantly and just like always you were starting to see her point of view. Mason was probably the easiest person to help you get Ross back and it’s like you were besties anyway so he shouldn’t be too upset.

‘He’ll probably be out with the boys at the weekend right?’ You questioned but Betsy just shrugged.

‘Text him back and ask. I bet he’ll be there if you are’ she reassured you and you quickly sat up in ordered to text him back.

‘He said he’ll come’ you told her, a wide but devious smile spreading over her face and you knew she was pleased with herself.

‘Told you it would be easy’

‘I don’t know Betsy, I might have to think about this’ you told her. Hearing her sigh behind you before shuffling down your bed to sit with you and when she placed her arm around you shoulder you rested your head on hers.

‘Babe, listen. You realise who this is right?’ She questioned but just shrugged. ‘Mason's a rich footballer with girls after him all the time. He’s probably got a whole list he can pick from and he’ll just be happy he got a chance with you. Don’t overthink it, yeah? I’m sure he’ll be over it and onto the next one quicker than you think’

‘Yeah?’

‘Of course. You know what these footballers are like he’s probably got a whole phone book of girls he can call up and no doubt he will be doing just that after you've slept with him. He’s just a boy at the end of the day and they’re all the same’

You knew Betsy was trying to downplay the situation to make it easier for you and whilst it was working to a certain extent you were still a little uncomfortable about it all. You’d never had a one night stand before let alone done it for payback so this felt like a whole new world to you.

You didn’t want to think about it too much more but you knew you had to go through with it if you wanted Ross back so you booked a hotel room like usual in hopes you could lure him back there and got to work on what you were going to say to him.

You knew it was only a few days later but time seemed to be faster than it ever had been and as soon as Betsy was out of the loo the pair of you went out for some pre drinks in the hotel bar before making your way over to the club you had arranged to meet him at.

You saw him straight away, standing with the boys over the back but you’d barely been inside for two minutes and you couldn’t help but notice the way he kept checking his phone. Wondering if he was checking in to see if you’d messaged him so after a quick once over and an final pep talk from Betsy you made your way over to him.

‘Hi Mason’ you smiled, tapping his shoulder so he’d look at you and when his eyes finally landed on your face you watched him flush under the dim light. His mouth slightly agape as he couldn’t quite find the words to say to you but you made the first move and pulled him in for a hug. The smell of his aftershave was seemingly the same one he’d worn when you were growing up and it was like you were instantly transported back to being 14 again. Your eyes pricking as a sense of home flooded you and your grip on him tightened a touch as this was the first proper hug you’d had from someone since the news broke. You didn’t realise how much you needed one and he squeezed you back just as tightly. ‘Thanks for coming’ you smiled as you pulled away. Noticing he looked more with it now but he was still blushing like a fool.

‘You all on your own? Where’s Buster or whatever her name is?’ Mason asked and you couldn’t help but laugh as you led him over to your little table and took a seat opposite him.

‘Betsy’ you smiled, watching him shrug like he wasn’t that bothered. ‘She’s around somewhere’

‘Fair enough. I’m surprised you wanted to see me’ he laughed awkwardly and you knew you had to turn the charm on a little bit to convince him you weren’t up to anything. Betsy’s words from earlier still fresh in your mind and as you looked back up at him you sent him a gentle smile In hopes he’d believe everything you were about to say.

‘Well it’s times like these you work out who your true friends are’ you told him. Implying that he was the only person to come forward in your hour of need and you could tell he was feeling pretty pleased with himself. ‘I know we don’t talk too much but you know I appreciate you right? Now more than ever. Maybe we can use this as a turning point?’

‘I’d like that’ he whispered, a grateful smile on his face as he was so happy that you finally wanted to give him some of your time and you couldn’t deny you thought he was being really cute. ‘But it’s okay, we’re both busy people and I know it’s not always possible to talk like we did when we were 13. Even though I’m still convinced you hated me back then’

‘I never hated you’ you giggled and this time you were telling the truth, you’d never hated Mason you just never took the time to work out if you could like him as you always had your focus on someone else. ‘I was just a moody teenager’

‘Oh yeah? What’s your excuse now?’ He teased, his tongue poking out the side of his lips as he raised his brows at you but it was the shit eating grin that let you know he was just joking.

‘Meanie’ you pouted but he was quick you place his hand on your bare knee and give it a squeeze. You didn’t give him a chance to pull away though as you seized your opportunity and placed your hand over his and threaded your fingers together. Looking up just in time to see him gulping heavily as he looked down at your conjoined hands and you knew then and there you had him right where you wanted him.

You sat with him for hours but it only felt like minutes, talking about everything from what you’d been up to lately to how much you missed home and how you hated that you couldn't see the sea from your office here like you could back in Portsmouth.

It was obvious he was really listening and was constantly asking you questions about yourself which you were more than happy to answer. Between Ross and Betsy you never got a word in sometimes and whenever you did talk you had the feeling it was going in one ear and out the other so it was nice to be sat and listened to for once. The night was soon coming to a close though and you knew you had to kick things up a notch in order to get him to agree to come back with you.

‘I’ve enjoyed this tonight’ you smiled up at him. More truth to your words than you even realised and as he nodded down at you, you shuffled a little closer into his body and placed a hand on his knee. ‘You know, I’m only staying across the road. Do you fancy coming back for a bit? We can have another drink and carry on… talking’ you all but purred into his ear. His body going stiff as you turned your body to face his and you could tell his eyes were dark with desire.

‘Oh? I don’t know-‘

‘Why not?’ You pouted. Running your fingers gently up his thigh to try and tease him and even in the dark you could see that his pupils had blown out. Eyes glued to yours as you gently caressed him but it was the way he was taking shallow breaths through his slightly agape mouth that let you know this was a lot for him.

‘I’m not sure’ he whispered. His voice scared like he knew what was about to happen but you knew it wouldn’t take much more to break him and make him come back to your room.

'I thought you knew me Mase.. and you know I always get what I want’ you told him. Walking your fingers up his chest until you reached his neck and you watched his eyes flutter shut as you scratched the back of his head gently as you pulled his face closer to yours. 'You're not gonna deny me what I want, are you?'

'No'

'So you'll come up to my room? And we can carry on... talking' You whispered. Lips ghosting his jaw before kissing just below his ear and from the way he was gripping your waist you knew the effect you were having on him.

'Okay'

'Good boy'

If the music hadn't been so loud you might have been able to hear the small whimper that left his lips at your words. All the breath from his lungs expelling at once as he tried to control himself but there was something about you that always had him wanting more.

‘Just let me say bye to the boys and we’ll go’

‘Meet back here in five?’ You questioned, and with a quick kiss to your cheek, you watched him disappear into the crowd.

‘That was impressive’ you suddenly heard behind you. Turning to see Betsy looking at you with a proud smile and you took a calming breath in her presence. Switching off the persona you’d had turned on whilst Mason was around and you were thankful to see her as you needed a pep talk. ‘I would say I can’t believe how well you’re playing him but I actually can. Like I knew he was in love with you but damn girl he’s obsessed’

‘Are you sure I’m doing the right thing?’ You gulped, nerves hitting you with full force but the determined look on her face perked you up a bit.

‘Of course you are’ she grinned. ‘You can’t back out now’

‘I’m just nervous’ you shrugged. ‘Maybe going the whole way isn’t necessary? If I get some pictures of us like close but not-‘

‘No no, that’s not the plan’ Betsy cut in, her brows drawn together in what looked like frustration. ‘Ross won’t care if you’re just pictured together. You need more, okay? Come on you’ve put most of the work in, now’s the fun part. Even if you don’t get pictures or whatever the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else’ she winked. ‘I know you can do this’

‘You’re right, I can’ you nodded. Clearing your mind of all your doubts and with a quick hug and a kiss goodbye Betsy was off. Leaving you to wait for Mason on your own but he wasn’t too far away. Making his way back to you with Luke by his side and you couldn’t miss the looks they were exchanging.

You’d known Luke for a few years now and you knew he’d taken up the big brother role when Mason had moved here. The pair of them clearly disagreeing about Mason leaving with you but Mason wasn’t going down without a fight. The pair of them eventually saying goodbye before Mason came back to you and when you reached out he took your hand instantly. Following behind you as you made your way outside and over to the hotel opposite.

You kept him close the whole way up to your room. Standing in front of him and wrapping his arm across your body in the lift so he was forced to cuddle you but when he caged you in with the other you knew he was game. Taking every chance he couldn’t be close to you by the looks of it and you knew you could use this to your advantage.

‘Make yourself comfortable, I’m just gonna get changed quickly. I feel like a sausage trapped in this dress’ you joked nervously and you finally entered your room. Wondering now you were in here if you could actually do it but as you set your phone down a new notification from Betsy flashed up on screen.

She was right, you did and all you needed was to put your brave face on to get into the mood and the rest would be easy. It’s not like you were sleeping with an ogre and even if this had no effect on Ross then at least you were about to have a bit of fun for the evening.

You stripped yourself down to your underwear, keeping your shoes on still as you propped yourself up on the side next to the sink and once you were happy with how your boobs looked in your bra you took a deep breath and put your game face on.

‘Hey Mase? You think you could come in here a sec?’ You called. Sitting back on your hands and pushing your chest out whilst crossing one leg over the other and as soon as he rounded inside to the bathroom his face was one of shock and awe.

‘W-what are you doing?’

‘I can’t get my shoes off, do you think you could help?’ You asked. Biting your lip seductively as you batted your lashes at him but he didn't need asking twice. Cautiously walking over as you extended your leg for him to hold and as soon as his fingers clasped around your ankle you felt a shiver roll through you.

He was so gentle and delicate as he held you. Carefully undoing the clasp and setting it on the floor so he could make a start on the other and you kept your eyes on his face the whole time. Watching his cheeks and the bridge of his nose flush while his tongue slipped from between his lips to concentrate on the task at hand.

Once he was done and had released your leg you were ready for phase two. Spreading your thighs and beckoning him over with your finger until he was positioned right up against you and you rested your hands on his strong chest as you sent him what you hoped was an alluring smile.

‘Thank you’

‘That’s okay’ he replied softly. Gripping your thighs gently as he looked down at you. ‘You need a hand down?’

‘Yes please’ you nodded. Letting him grip your waist as he gently picked you up and placed you on the floor but you were quick to turn and face the mirror so his crotch was now tightly nestled against your bum and the feel of him excited you. Hard against your soft skin but rather than step away his hands wrapped themselves around your waist as he hid his face in your neck.

‘Are you trying to give me a heart attack’

‘Not quite’ you chuckled, carefully reaching for your phone that was sat on the side and as he held you close and you quickly snapped your first picture of the night.

‘Hey Mase? There's a bottle of wine in the mini fridge, will you pour me a glass?’ You asked. Feeling him nod into your neck before he straightened up a bit and as he placed a quick kiss to your temple you felt your knees wobble slightly.

‘Okay’ he smiled, looking up at you in the mirror and you were ready to up the ante again.

‘Thank you brown eyes’ you whispered and you knew you’d got him as his face turned redder than you’d ever seen it before.

‘You better make sure you’ve got some more clothes on when you come back out’ he winked just before he left and as soon as he was out of sight you let out a breath. This was going better than planned and you were actually really enjoying being around him so you excitedly threw on an old baggy t-shirt you’d packed to sleep in and went in search of him again.

He wasn’t hard to spot, sat on the sofa at the end of your bed as he twiddled his thumbs and you noticed your glass of wine he’d poured you sat on the coffee table next to a bottle of water he’d opened.

‘You don’t want something a bit stronger?’

‘Best not, I’ll get killed if I get caught drinking loads’ he nodded and you sent him an understanding nod as you fell into the spot next to him.

‘Well if you change your mind you know where it is’ you smiled as you placed your hand on his knee and turned to him. ‘Now where were we?’

You fell back into conversation pretty easily, but you couldn’t stop your hands from wandering this time. Lightly tracing your fingers up and down his arm and you watched in delight as his skin became covered in goosebumps. His speech a little distracted and stuttery and you continued to brush against his skin and when you took the plunge to scratch over the back of his head you noticed his eyes flutter closed in delight.

You were surprised at how handsy he was in return to. He’d always come across as touchy when he was around other people and you’d noticed he was always grabbing peoples shoulders or patting their backs but with you he never pushed your boundaries. Seemingly with you making the moves on him though it was giving him the push to stroke your thighs and waist and you could see it in his eyes he wanted more of you but you knew he was still unsure of himself.

‘You seem nervous, Mase’ you teased. His eyes flashing up to yours for a brief moment before he looked away and shrugged his shoulders.

‘I’m fine’

‘You sure? I can get you another drink, our secret?’ You teased before you put the idea of something more on the table for him to see how he reacted. ‘Or you know I can always… relax you In other ways’

‘Oh um-‘

‘You know, you’re cute when you’re scared’ you winked, watching his face and the back of his neck flush and when you flicked his nose lightly he looked at you in a mix of fright and awe.

You knew he wasn’t about to brush everything off and give you what you wanted, you knew it was you that had to initiate whatever was about to happen and you figured now would be the perfect time. Flinging your leg across his lap so you could straddle his thighs but his hands on your hips as he steadied you made your inside swirl.

You weren’t sure where to start but it was hard not to touch him. You could tell just from the way his clothes sat on him that his body was insane and you’d been aching for a peek of him upclose ever since he’d held you in the bathroom so you went bulldozing in knowing he wouldn't stop you. Running your hands up his chest to his neck before dipping your hands into his open shirt so you could push it from his shoulders and the sight and feel of him sent a tingle through you in a way no one else had.

‘Where have you been hiding these bad boys’ you smiled. Fingers trailing over his toned biceps before you lent forward. Your lips landing on his collarbone so you could kiss inwards until you reached the base of his throat and lick a stripe up his neck but you weren’t expecting his voice to sound as hoarse as it did when he spoke next l.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just exploring a little, you don’t mind do you?’ You murmured as you kissed the length of his neck but you could tell by the way he was holding you tightly that he didn’t at all.

‘N-no I don’t’ he sighed, sounding like he was in bliss and all you wanted was to hear what other noises he could make but soon enough you felt his nose nudge the side of your head and you were looking up into his blown out eyes. ‘Are you sure about this’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Well Ross-‘

‘Is nothing to me. I don’t care about him or what he’s doing or anything. We’ve been over for a while and I’m just over the whole thing I swear. I just wanna let loose a bit and I was hoping you’d be up for joining me’ you confirmed and the slight smile on his lips filled you with confidence.

‘Okay’ he whispered sweetly. ‘I just don’t want you to regret anything’

‘Mason, what can I do to make you stop worrying?’ You asked, gently gripping his hands so you could move them to rest on your bum and when he gave your cheeks a soft squeeze you felt your eyes roll back in your head. ‘How about I just keep going, yeah?’ You offered. Reaching for his shirt so you could remove it fully and once he was sat in just his vest you couldn't wait to get the rest off of him. ‘You smell so good’ you murmured and you attached your lips back to his neck, feeling his hands go straight back to your bum.

As much as you wanted to kiss him, you kept your lips on his neck as he seemed to be enjoying what you were doing. Licking and kissing his skin before sucking gently at the base of his neck and you knew you had him just where you wanted him.

‘You want me to be a bad girl? Or a good girl’ you whispered as you kissed your way back up his neck and you knew instantly what he wanted he wanted from the way he groaned in your ear. ‘Ah, good girl it is’

‘Go lay down’ he told you as he pulled you away from him. His voice gentle but firm at the same time and as you felt a thrill run through you as he squeezed your bum. Mason was always so kind and sweet with you so to see him switch up like this a little bit was exciting and the fact he wasn’t telling you no made you giggle.

You did what he said and let him help you up but before you went any further you stripped yourself of the t-shirt you were wearing so you were back in just the underwear from before and you knew he was watching your every move until you were out of sight.

It took him a second to come and join you. His shoulders tense and it looked as though he was giving himself a mental pep talk before he stood up and joined you. His knee resting on the end of the bed as he looked in your eyes and you knew he was getting ready to climb up with you.

‘You wanna be a good girl for me, huh?’ He questioned. His eyes trailing over your exposed skin and it only really hit you then that he was still basically fully clothed apart from the open shirt you’d removed from him earlier. The belted trousers accentuating his little waist and all you could think about was undoing it and ridding him of everything he had on.

‘For now, yes’ you told him, watching him shake his head as he giggled. A sense of triumph washing over you that you’d made him laugh but soon enough he had his game face back on and he tapped one of your ankles.

‘Well good girls, they don’t talk back’ he told you, gently moving your legs apart so he could kneel in between them and you made sure to mime zipping your lips shut and throwing away the key which he appeared to be amused by. You didn’t miss the way his eyes were still exploring you though and as he placed his hands by your ribs and hovered himself directly over you it was like you could feel the air thicken instantly. Reaching out to place your hands on his broad shoulders but he just tutted and shook his head as he caught on to what you were about to do.

‘Nuh uh, good girls ask for permission’ he whispered and your spine tingled in anticipation. You’d barely gotten started and Mason was already making you feel like you couldn’t take anymore, a whole new side of him that you’d never seen and you couldn’t deny you were excited by it.

‘Can I touch you?’ You asked quietly and the subtle nod of his head was all you needed to reach out and run your fingers over his arms as he hovered himself down a bit further and began to kiss your cheek and along to your ear. Each press of his lips made you throb and when he began to trail his lips even further down you ran your fingers through his hair to hold him in place as you began to wrap your legs around him.

‘Good girls also say please and thank you’ he mumbled against your neck and soon enough his eyes were locked on yours as his face hovered directly above you again. ‘So what do you say?’

‘Please’

‘Please what?’ He demanded, bumping his nose with yours softly and you could barely catch your breath.

‘Please fuck me, Mase’ you whimpered, sounding more desperate that you intended too but he’d managed to work you up in such a short space of time it’s like you’d lost all control of yourself. It seemed to have the desired effect though as his dark eyes rolled back in his head and you knew he was feeling exactly the same until his face returned to how it had been all night.

‘Soon okay? I wanna play with you first‘ he murmured and the groan that left your lips was unholy.

‘M-Mase? Can I have a kiss first?’ You asked shyly. Suddenly feeling a little unsure of yourself but as his face softened you knew you were fine. Watching him get comfortable next to you so he could hover slightly beside you as he brushed the hair out of your eyes but before he was leaning in you knew he was about to ask you that dreaded question again.

‘You sure this is what you want?’

‘I couldn’t be more sure. Please just kiss me’ you told him. Your voice determined as you really couldn’t take another second without his lips on yours but he didn’t need telling again. Dipping his head slowly to drop a soft kiss to your lips but you didn’t give him a chance to pull away too far. Your hand on the back of his head as your fingers got lost in his hair so you could pull him back down and as he moaned into your mouth you had to stop yourself from doing the same.

It was obvious from the way he was kissing you he’d been waiting a while for this. His focus just on you as he cupped your jaw but there was no way you were moving away from him as he kissed better than you imagined. He kissed better than anyone had ever kissed you and when his tongue dipped past your lips it was you that finally gave in and was moaning this time. Feeling his hand mov from your jaw to lightly trace over your body and as his fingers danced over your underwear you felt your hips buck up at the sensation.

He was so confident. No awkward pauses or laughter as he tried to figure you out, it was like he knew your body already and as his fingers began to trace circles over the front of your underwear you couldn’t help but groan into his mouth. Letting him bite your lip playfully as his fingers dipped below the fabric and the first touch of his fingers directly on you made you shiver.

That was all it took for his lips to leave yours but you felt them again soon against your cheek and then your jaw and then your neck. His lips traveling over every inch of you until you felt the playful pinch on his teeth on your chest and you both began to giggle.

You knew where he was going, his lips continuing their pilgrimage of your skin until he was kissing over the front of your underwear and you knew you were in for a good time just from the way he looked up at you through his lashes.

‘What the hell is this?’ You heard him laugh. Sitting up on your elbows so you could look at what he was referring to but as soon as you felt his finger brush over the two little words you couldn’t help but smile.

‘A moment of madness’ you groaned. Flopping back onto the bed as you covered your face with your hands and laughed at how stupid you’d been. ‘Most people dye their hair after a break up, I was convinced a tattoo was the right way to go for some reason’

‘Well it’s very cute’ he laughed, fingertips gently tracing the words Hey There that you’d had tattooed on your right hip just below your bikini line. ‘Does this make me the first person to see it?’

‘It does’

‘Well then, I better make sure I’m the last too’ he murdered against your skin. His lips kissing over the letters softly and you didn’t have any time to take in what he’d said as his hands were pulling your underwear off and pushing your thighs up to your chest so he had full access to you

His grip was strong, so much so you knew you'd have print marks from his fingers tomorrow but right now you didn't care. Bucking your hips up as he kissed over the backs of your thighs to tease you a little and you knew he was waiting for you to ask for what you wanted.

'Masey please, please do something'

'What do you want me to do?' He murmured. A smile in his voice that was easily detectable and you knew he was loving every second of this.

"You know what'

'Yeah I do' he chuckled, almost sounding cocky as if he was telling you he knew just how to make you crumble and from the first flick of his tongue you knew he was right. Melting into sheets as he licked and sucked away at you like he'd done this to you a million times before and all thoughts of anything you were meant to be doing that night vanished from your mind immediately.

Your hands were fisting the sheets as you had no idea what to do with them but soon enough they were in his hair and you knew he liked it because he growled into your skin and you sighed at the new sensation. He was doing everything just how you like with no direction from you. Slow and steady to work you up until you were a quivering mess and it felt so good you forgot about what you were meant to be doing entirely. Only remembering when you looked down to see his pretty brown eyes looking back at you but as he looked away to focus back on you, you sneakily grabbed your phone to take a few blurry snaps.

You were seeing stars soon enough as he brought you to your high. Never changing his speed to try and get you there any quicker as he knew you were feeling good with what he was currently doing and as soon as it hit, his name was falling off your tongue like a prayer.

You could see him through your tired eyes getting undressed but you could detect a hint of uncertainty around him and you knew he wasn’t sure if you wanted to go the whole hog. You’d been nervous in the day thinking about it but after the display he’d just put on for you there was nothing more you wanted so you sat up carefully to remove your bra so you were completely bare for him. Not even caring about what pictures you needed to take as right now all you wanted was to enjoy him.

‘You gonna stand there all night or do you want some help?’ You asked. Your eyes flickering all over his body that was now only covered by his boxers and when he took a big gulp you knew he needed a push.

You waited until he sent you a nod before you began pulling his boxers down. You’re mouth watering as he sprung free but you could tell he was still nervous so you held his waist and began to pepper kisses over his abs and lower stomach until he was pulling away from you and nodding for you to shuffle back on the bed with a smile.

As soon as your head hit the pillow you felt his chest on yours. A faint taste of yourself on his tongue as he kissed you and as you wrapped your legs around his waist his warm skin enveloped you. He was so soft and smooth but hard and solid at the same time and as he began to grind himself down on you, you wanted to feel him inside you.

It was you that reached down to grab a hold of him, to guide him to where you needed him and without much resistance he was pushing himself inside of you. Gasping into each other's mouths as you both got accustomed to the feel of the other and as he picked up his pace you couldn’t help but drag your nails down his back.

It wasn’t long before you wanted to switch things up a bit. To watch him crumble under you as you took control and when you pushed on his shoulders he was quick to roll over and lay on his back.

‘What are you doing?’ He laughed, helping you climb on top so you could take over and when you sent him a wink he scrunched his face up adorably.

‘I can’t be good all the time Mase’ you shrugged and even though you were ready to get going again you took a moment to grind yourself along him as he guided your hips with a devious smile.

‘You feel that, yeah?’ He whispered, his grip firm once more but it was only adding to the experience and you whimpered at the feel of gliding along him. ‘You have no idea what you do to me, do you?’

‘I have a good guess’ you groaned, finally reaching down to guide him back inside and even though you started slow you were desperate to show Mason a good time after how he’d treated you all night. Bouncing up and down on him like your life depended on it but even though his eyes were rolling in the back of his head he was quick to stop you.

‘Hey, hey baby it’s okay. Take your time, yeah?’’ he managed to get out as his hands stilled your hips. Stopping you in your tracks as you looked down into his eyes but all you could see was warmth and when he sent you an affectionate smile your skin broke out in goosebumps. ‘It’s all about you tonight, yeah? So you just let it out for me when you’re ready, you don’t have to rush anything’

His voice was soft and soothing, a million miles away from how you thought it would be as the pair of you had been at it so intensely the room could have been on fire and you wouldn’t have noticed but it washed over you delicately and made you feel safe.

‘But I want you to cum. I want to make you feel good like you did to me’

‘Listen, sweetheart’ he whispered. Sitting up slightly so he could reposition you a bit and you went with him as he sat up against the headboard, resting his chin on your chest so he could look up at you through his lashes you almost lost it as he looked so good. Not something you ever thought you’d be thinking about Mason of all people yet here you were looking down and his big brown eyes and freckled nose thinking he was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever seen. This wasn’t how you expected tonight to be but you were so caught up in all of him you didn’t know how to act anymore and you hung on his every word. ‘I will, trust me. Watching you is all I need so just forget about me for a second and focus on you’

‘All we’ve done is focus on me’

‘Exactly’ he teased, squeezing your waist gently and the action made you squirm as you giggled but you could see Mason's face change as you moved on top of him. ‘So be my good girl and take your time. I promise I’m right behind you’

You couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Not one other person you’d ever had sex with before had treated you like this and cared for in this way. It was making you feel so many different emotions and by now you’d completely forgotten the whole reason as to why he was here in your hotel room in the first place.

So you did what he asked, and you rested your hands on his chest, dangerously close to his neck, and placed your forehead on his before starting to move your hips again but slowly just like he’d requested. Feeling him slide in and out of you as he gripped your bum and moaned audibly into your mouth.

‘You like that?’ You whispered, a teasing tone to your voice but Mason just nodded. Not caring how desperate he may have been coming across.

‘F-fuck yeah, I’ve imagined this with you so many times but it’s never felt this good’ he told you and you couldn’t help but groan as you bit your lip. Wanting to tease him a bit more in hopes he’d tell you how he feels some more and since he was in this position under you, you figured you had a good chance.

‘Oh yeah, you been thinking about me?’

‘All the time’ he gulped. His voice hoarse now as you slowly pushed each other to the finish line but were stuck between savouring the moment and finally making him cum but you just went with the flow and circled your hips over him as he guided your hips with his strong hands.

‘I hope I’m as good as you imagined’

‘You’re even better’ he praised lowly. A soft smile on his lips as his eyes flickered all over your face. ‘So fucking perfect, always have been’

It wasn’t long after that you were cuming for the second time that night. Mason's lips on your neck so he could suck your skin softly before he was gently biting your shoulder as he finally hit his own high and as soon as you were both finished you felt yourself slump forward as he wrapped his arms around you.

‘You okay?’ He whispered, his fingers lightly running up and down your spine as you tried to catch your breath. Moving them down to your thighs as he massaged them gently and you could feel yourself melting onto him.

‘I’m good’ you smiled. Feeling him chuckle underneath you, kissing the side of your head sporadically and you’d never felt so content in your life. ‘I need to go and get cleaned up but I’m too comfortable here’

‘Come on, let me help you’ he whispered but you just groaned playfully in annoyance. Not wanting to move from his arms and when he kissed your forehead lightly you nuzzled into his neck. ‘You sure you’re still okay? you know with everything we’ve done’

‘More than okay’ you whispered, sitting up slightly so you could look at him and without thinking you leaned in to kiss him softly. You didn’t take it any further but he was so gentle with you as he squeezed your thighs and kissed you as sweetly as he could. ‘Thank you’ you whispered as you pulled apart but he was looking up a you with a confused expression.

‘What for?’

‘I thought good girl’s say please and thank you’ you winked but he just laughed as he squeezed you again.

‘I don’t think you’re up for being a good girl, you’re too naughty’

‘Well then I think I need a timeout’ you winked as you began to shuffle off of him. ‘I won’t be long, okay? Keep my space warm’ you told him and with that you were quick to run off into the bathroom.

You didn’t want to be too long, hoping that he might be up for round two shortly but you sent Betsy a quick message to let her know you had what you needed so she wasn’t harassing you for the rest of the night, but when you returned to the bedroom he was nowhere to be seen.

‘Mase? Where are you, you were meant to be keeping my space warm’ you called playfully. Grabbing the shirt you’d been wearing off the floor and throwing it on so you weren’t walking around with nothing on and when you turned the corner and looked in the living room you could see him getting dressed in a rush. ‘Mase? What are you doing?’

When he ignored you and continued getting dressed with a huff you felt your stomach drop to the floor, not knowing what to say or what was going on but you pressed him again so you could get to the bottom of what was happening. ‘Mason? What’s going on?’

‘Maybe you should double check who you think you’re messaging before you press send’ he spoke. Not even looking at you as he stuffed himself into his shoes and your blood ran cold at the thought of what you might have done. Quickly opening up your phone to look at the last message you sent and when you realised it had gone to Mason you felt frozen to the spot.

‘Look, Mase-‘

‘Have you seriously been taking pictures of me? Of us, to send to him to make him jealous. Is that really all I’m good for? I know you know how I feel, fuck everyone knows, but I’ve always brushed it off and gone with it cause I thought you were worth the teasing’

‘But I-‘

‘I’m not dumb alright? I knew what this was’ he cut you off. Clearly furious at you about everything but you didn’t know how to react so you let him go on his little rant. ‘I knew I was just the rebound to make you feel better but I’m so hopelessly wrapped around your fucking finger I thought I’d just take my shot’

‘Well that’s not my fault’ you told him. Wishing he would calm down a bit but you could tell from the way he was getting dressed with such vigour that he was still furious.

‘No you’re right, it’s not. But thank you very much for proving to me what everyone’s said about you all along’ he laughed but you knew there was no humour in it. ‘And don’t worry, any feelings I did have for you are long gone I promise’

‘What are people saying about me?’

‘That you’re a heartless, manipulative cow who does whatever she likes to get what she wants and the fact all you took from what I said just then was about you proves it’ he spat. The coldness of his voice sending an uncomfortable shiver down your spine and you were pretty certain you’d never heard him speak like this before to anyone.

‘Mason you’re overreacting, it was just a joke’ you tried but little did you know it would just anger him more. Making him stop in his tracks so he could send you an incredulous look.

‘So now I’m a joke?’

‘No, I meant like a bit of fun’ you shrugged. Hoping he would get where you were coming from but every word that came out of your mouth seemed to wind him up even further.

‘For you maybe, not for me’ he grumbled. Looking around for his keys as he was now fully dressed and once his eyes landed on them he picked them up forcefully. ‘Doesn’t matter anyway, I’m done. That fact you don’t get how fucked up this is tells me everything’

‘If you knew what this was then why are you so mad?’ You asked. His anger now rubbing you up the wrong way as you couldn’t understand why he was so upset with you but you getting annoyed at him didn’t have the desired effect and when his sad eyes locked onto yours it was like he knocked the wind out of you.

‘Cause I could deal with a one night stand, at least I could kid myself into thinking you might like me in some way. But this?’ He asked. Voice thick like he was about to start sobbing but you saw him swallow it down before looking away from you. ‘You don’t give a shit about me more than I thought. Fourteen years I’ve known you. And for what? Fuck all apparently’

‘Mason you need to calm down-‘

‘Calm down?’ He snapped and you felt yourself shrink. ‘You fucking lied right to my face, told me this could be a turning point for us but you knew the whole time it meant nothing. Lying may not mean anything to you but it does to me’

‘People in our circle lie and do what they have to to get what they want, I thought you knew that’ you pushed back, knowing that what you were saying was awful but you were clutching at straws to make out what you’d done wasn’t as bad as he was making out. ‘Since when do you care about me that much?’

‘Since always, you idiot’ be mumbled. His voice calmer than you’d heard it this whole time but it seemed to shock you a bit. His sad eyes and distraught expression were trying their best to tear you down but you held strong. You’d got what you wanted and there was no need for all these emotions. ‘I would have given you fucking everything’ he told you, emotion laced through his voice and you tried not to let it get it to you but instinctively you moved forward but he backed away. ‘Just leave me alone’ he huffed, walking around past you to the door and when you heard it slam you let out another big sigh. Walking back to the bedroom and flopping down to the bed before unlocking your phone to speak to the one person you knew would be on your side.

Sleep didn’t come easy to you that night. Taking a quick shower and changing into your pjs so you could get some shut eye but all you could see was the heartbroken expression on Mason's face.

You tried to forget about him, to ignore the twisting in your gut at how awful you were starting to feel and tried to focus on what you were going to say to Ross to not sound like a complete crazy person when you sent him the pictures but you couldn’t face it right now. Those damn brown eyes looking back at you everywhere you turned.

Two weeks passed by and nothing changed. In fact you felt worse with each day that went by and as much as Betsy was in your ear telling you you’d done the right thing and to just send the pictures, but you kept them to yourself for now. At this point you weren't even sure you wanted to be with Ross anymore as one night with Mason has made you see exactly what you were missing out on and the fact Ross was still posting stories of himself with girls throwing themselves at him was giving you the ick.

When you were in a funk like this there was only one thing that could get you out of it. A trip to the beach usually cleared the cobwebs away but there was only one beach you wanted to be on and you weren’t sure if it was possible right now.

You always missed home but right now you really missed home. You missed your mum's hugs and comforting words and your dads amazing cooking and stupid jokes but you knew if you made the trip they’d pick up that something was wrong straight away and you knew you couldn’t confess to them what you’d done.

You were halfway through week three when you broke down and messaged your mum. You were desperate to get out of Manchester for a few days and away from Betsy’s constant nagging about Ross and Mason as every time you heard the laters name your tummy would twist and the guilt was eating you alive. You knew Betsy could see it was upsetting you too but she still carried on with you no matter how much you asked her to stop.

You left work at lunch on Friday without another word to Betsy. She’d left around 11am anyway for an appointment so as soon as the clock hit half 12 you were jumping straight in your car so you could get on the road. Thankfully the traffic was light and you made it in good time with only one stop on the way as you were so anxious to get there.

You were emotional as soon as you saw the Welcome to Portsmouth sign on the way in and when you were pulling onto the drive you were barely holding it together. You hadn't told your family about the break up with Ross yet so you were hoping you could pin your emotions on that but you knew that wasn’t why you were so upset. Mason had been weighing heavy on your mind all week and everywhere you looked he was creeping into your thoughts. You just needed a break from feeling like the worst human in the world and you were hoping some home comforts would cure you.

Your mum was the first one to answer the door, bundling you into her arms and it took every ounce of your strength to hold it together as she swayed you from side to side. Telling you how much she missed you and how excited she was to have you there and before you knew it your dad was there too to wrap his arms around the both of you.

‘Dinner won’t be long, why don't you pop your suitcase in your room and grab Suzi whilst you're up there’ you mum told you and felt your body go stiff.

‘Suzi? I didn’t know she’d be here’ you mumbled but she just sent you a wide and excited smile.

‘Yeah, neither did we’ she laughed. ‘But it’s nice to have you both back for the weekend’

You could see why she would think that, both of her babies back together for some quality family time but you hadn't spoken to her in months and now you just felt awkward about everything.

You did as she asked though, knocking on her door and giving her a small wave as she looked over at you with a bright expression before she jumped up to give you a small hug.

‘Sorry for gate crashing, you remember Annie don’t you? Well it’s her engagement party tomorrow in town and I didn’t want to miss it’ she explained but you just nodded as the pair of you made your way to the stairs. You knew you should have said more, asked how she’d been and tried to make small talk but you mind was blank and you didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

Dinner was still being plated up so your mum ushered you both outside to sit at the garden table so you could all eat in the sun. Your eyes trained on the kitchen window in hopes they weren’t too long but before you knew it Suzi had started the conversation as she was the master of it.

You knew she meant well, but you weren’t in the mood for 21 questions and by the 5th you figured she realised. Taking over from asking to just telling you what she’d been up to and in comparison to you she was living the high life. She’d only graduated around six months ago yet she’d managed to find herself a great paying job in one of the best law firms in the country, telling you she was nearing her first promotion already and soon enough she’d be able to move out of her flat share and into her own two bed flat on the outskirts of London.

You knew she wasn’t bragging, she never was, but the fact you knew in soul you’d never be able to achieve even half of what she had on your own stung so when your parents finally made their way outside you couldn’t deny you were grateful.

You relaxed as the evening went on, joining in with the conversation much to everyone’s delight but you all decided on an early night as you’d spent so much time travelling and you all wanted to be up early for the beach tomorrow.

Once again you couldn’t sleep, this time it wasn’t just thoughts of Mason keeping you up but now it was also your tummy rumbling as you tossed and turned. The only thought in your head was the leftovers in the fridge and before you knew it you were up and sneaking downstairs to grab yourself some.

You were trying to be as quiet as you could but you could see a dim light coming from the kitchen and you figured it had been kept on accidently. Heading straight for the fridge with only one thing on your mind but you had to contain your screams as you rounded the corner and were shocked out of your skin.

There sat Suzi, chowing down on a bowl of cereal by the light of the fridge and she smiled as you jumped six feet in the air at the sight of her.

‘What are you doing?’ You whisper shouted, clutching your chest as your heart threatened to burst free. You could see she was trying not to laugh at you and as much as you tried to remain stoney faced you knew you wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation yourself.

‘I needed something to eat’ she told you, nodding down to her little pile of snacks in front of her like it was supposed to be obvious.

‘I’ll come back in a bit then’ you nodded, turning on your heel to leave her to it but you didn’t get far as she was calling after you before you’d taken your first step.

‘Wait don’t go’ she yelped and when you turned back to face her you could tell she seemed a bit sad. ‘Look I know things are different but surely we can sit and eat together on our own’ she told you and you realised how ridiculous you must have looked.

‘Okay’ you nodded, realising she was right and you were just being silly. She was your sister after all not some random stranger off the street so you grabbed the leftovers you were after and heated them up in the microwave before taking a seat opposite her.

‘So how have you been?’ She asked, a slight smile behind her voice almost as if she knew how she sounded and you did your best to hide your grin as you shrugged.

‘Fine’

‘Yeah alright’ she scoffed, shovelling in another spoonful of cereal into her mouth as she rolled her eyes.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I know we may not be close anymore but it’s as clear as day you’re not yourself’ She told you softly, her eyes gentle now as she tried to get you to open up. ‘You can tell me, you know’ she prodded but as you weren’t taking the bait she decided to take a different route. ‘How’s Ross?’

‘Um… we’re not-‘

‘Oh crap, I’m so sorry. I had no idea’ she cut you off but you noticed you didn’t get the usual pang in your chest talking about him like you had done in the beginning.

‘It’s alright’ you smiled. ‘It’s probably for the best’

‘He was a bit of a dick’ she laughed and you couldn’t help but smile along with her before her face got serious once more. ‘Is that why you’re so upset? Cause he’s really not worth any feelings for. You’re so out of his league’

‘No I think I’m kinda over it now’

‘So what’s up then?’ She questioned and you were about to shrug her off until you realised you could probably use her advice. She was younger than you but had such an old head on her shoulders and you didn’t really have another girl in your life like this to get advice from so after a quick deep breath you tried to think of a way to tell her what was going on without telling her everything.

‘You remember Betsy?’ You asked. Her face immediately turning sour and you knew she remembered her from one of your parties last summer.

‘Unfortunately’

‘Yeah well, I don’t think she’s all she’s cracked up to be either’ you told her quietly, your head dropping as you pushed your food around with your fork

‘I could have told you that months ago’ she teased before her voice suddenly dropped an octave and became more gentle. ‘What’s happened, have you fallen out?’

‘Not exactly, she doesn’t even know I feel like this’ you shrugged and now you were talking about it, it was like word vomit coming out of your mouth that you couldn’t stop. ‘I’ve realised I don’t like who I am when I’m with her’ you admitted. ‘I’m not putting all the blame on her but looking back at the last year and a half or so, I barely recognise myself. I’ve done some awful things and it’s like why am I being such an arsehole?’

‘What have you done? Are you In trouble?’ She asked and even though you were spilling the beans there was no way you were admitting to what you’d done to Mason.

‘No no, it’s nothing’ you coughed, hoping she’d believe your lies. ‘I just feel so disconnected to everything at the moment’

‘Is that why you’re here?’

‘A little bit. I just needed a break from up there’ you shrugged and you could feel the tears pooling in your eyes that you were so desperately trying to blink away. You’d never been so vulnerable in front of her before and clearly she was taking pity on you as her voice softened when she spoke to you.

‘You don’t have to tell me I’m right, but I know why you're not my biggest fan’ Suzi started and you looked up to find her looking back at you sympatheticly. ‘I should have been a better sister though and been there for you over the years. I just didn’t want to keep getting pushed away you know?’

‘No don't, I should have been a better big sister’ you gulped. ‘It's just jealousy at the end of the day. You can literally do anything you want and I’ve only got this job cause they knew I’d never be able to do anything else’

‘Hey no, don’t say that. They would never have given it to you if they didn’t think you could make it a success. That’s their whole life you should be so proud that they would trust you with it’

‘Well a fat lot of good I’m doing with it’ you huffed. ‘Sorry I didn’t mean to turn this into a pity party’

‘It’s okay’ she smiled before reaching her hand over to your side of the table. ‘How about we start fresh? I could come and stay with you for a bit maybe? You can show me around Manchester and maybe we can do something for your birthday together?’

‘Betsy organised me a party I think’ you told her and you watched her face fall, thinking you were brushing her off and you felt awful instantly as she began to withdraw her hand so you quickly grabbed it and squeezed it tightly. ‘But I’d love it if you would come

‘Consider me there’ she nodded and you felt a weight lift from your shoulders that you didn’t know you’d been carrying.

You were up and out bright and early the next day so you could all head to the beach. Your parents eyeing you and Suzie curiously as to them it seemed as if you’d turned into besties overnight but you could tell they were happy about it, and when Suzie dragged you down into the cold water you just went with it and dove right in.

You used to love the sea, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore calming you like nothing else and even though the water was freezing cold, there was nowhere else you wanted to be rather than here. Floating on your back so you could look up to the sky and clear your mind just how you’d been picturing for weeks but it only lasted so long as your dad had come to join you and belly flopped in right by you so water splashed all over you.

It was needed though and as the four of you sat on the beach and gossiped like you used to you felt even lighter. All the troubles you’d left in Manchester seemed so far away now and it was all helping you gain a much clearer perspective on it all to the point where when you got back, you knew you needed to take things into your own hands and sort your life out.

It was the evening when things took a turn for the worst. Suzie was out for her friend's engagement party which you’d helped her get ready for and you were staying up to pick her up later so you’d taken a nap just before dinner. When you eventually came down though there was no food in sight and your parents were sitting in the kitchen with their laptops open and you knew they meant business.

‘Is everything okay?’ You asked carefully, praying this wasn’t what you thought it might be but you could tell this wasn’t about to be fun for you.

‘I think it’s best you sit down, so we can talk’ your dad said. Patting the space next to him that was opposite your mum and you hated the way she was sending you such a sad smile.

‘We need to talk about work’

‘Oh?’ You replied, trying to make out like you didn’t know what they were about to say but you’d been waiting for this chat for months.

‘Look love, this isn’t easy for us to say but we have to put the needs of the business first and you know it’s not going well right now don’t you?’ your mum told you gently and you felt your face burn.

‘I know’ you sniffed, your mind reeling with all the possibilities of what they could say to you and what you should say back but right now you felt like you were on the verge of being fired.

‘We don’t want to interfere or take anything away from you, we’re just asking for a bit more effort, okay? We can’t keep floating by like this’ you dad told you, tapping your knee lightly as he was trying to comfort you but if anything it was just making you more sad.

They were being nicer than you expected them to be, but when every single part of your life was falling apart, this felt like a huge deal.

‘It’s okay to admit if you need help too, pumpkin. We can always come up for a bit and help you out if you need it’ your mum offered and her sweet tone was enough to push you over the edge as you hid your face in your hands.

‘I’m sorry’ you blubbed, hating the fact they were being so kind after practically abusing everything this worked for and you knew it was the time to step up. Uncovering your face as you looked at their sympathetic expressions. ‘I know I’ve been rubbish but I promise I can do this’ you told them but you were sure if they believed you. ‘I tell you what, give me three months and if I haven’t put us in the green then you can come up and help me’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I promise, please just give me a chance’ you begged and even though they both looked unsure it was your dad who finally nodded.

‘Three months okay? And then we’ll see where we are and what to do next’ your dad told you and you felt relief roll through you. You knew you could do it with a little help from your assistant Flo, she had good ideas but you’d never had the need to put them to any use until now and you made a mental note to put a meeting in with her first thing on Monday.

Once your dad had gone to bed later that night, your mum came and found you. Asking if there was anything else you’d wanted to talk about as she’d noticed your change in demeanour and that was all it took for you to start crying again. Telling her about Ross and how you felt like a failure a lot of the time but she was quick to big you up. Letting you know that life was full of ups and downs and even though this felt like the end of the world you’d be on the up soon.

Once she was gone you had a little more time to kill before you had to go and get Suzi. Your phone was boring you though and just like always when you didn’t know what you wanted to look at you ended up in your photos, scrolling until you hit a certain few and heart thumped as you looked at them.

One last look you told yourself. You’d known from the day after you’d taken them that you wouldn’t be sending them anywhere but you’d kept them just to relive that night sometimes. To remember how he’d held you and kissed you and made you feel better than anything else until your stupidness had ruined everything. You knew you needed to get rid of them though so with one last glance you selected each one from that night and got rid of them all in one go before deleting them from your recently deleted to make sure they were completely gone.

You went home the next day feeling a lot lighter than when you’d arrived and thankfully when you went to work on Monday Betsy had taken the morning off, leaving you and Flo to have a meeting to discuss some of her ideas and plan for the next few weeks. She was more than excited to get going and you were so impressed by her ideas as they were simple and smart and you knew you’d see results straight away.

The pair of you kept chugging along whilst Betsy was left to her own devices. Never once questioning what you were doing which just proved to you how little notice she took at work but you were ready for a break and to lose after a week or so and you used the excuse of Suzi being around to keep your distance from Betsy. Not that the pair of you had spoken too much since that night with Mason but she was constantly texting you to ask if you’d sent the pictures to Ross yet and you were running out of excuses as to why you hadn't.

Suzi stuck to her promise and came to visit for your birthday. It gave you a great excuse to not see Betsy in the build up to your party and a few days before the pair of you went out shopping for outfits. Usually you wouldn’t have left it this late but not being in the mood to be celebrating anything meant you’d not even thought about what to wear.

The pair of you headed to selfridges to have a browse but nothing was taking your fancy. In the end you split up to cover more ground and told each other to pick three things for the other person as you clearly weren’t having much luck for yourself.

You were two dresses down and looking for the third when you heard his laugh, turning a corner to see Suzi and Mason talking animatedly with big grins on their faces and you wanted the ground to swallow you up. This was the first time you’d seen him since he’d walked out of your hotel room and it was like a punch to the gut seeing him smile and chat with her. Suzi was a yapper and they knew each other pretty well from home but you knew they hadn’t spoken lately and that’s why they seemed so excited to see each other.

‘Oh here she is’ you suddenly heard, your eyes flashing up to the pair of them as Suzie was still smiling wildly but Mason had gone red in the face and you knew you looked like a deer caught in headlights. ‘Look who I bumped into, small word huh?’

You were speechless, not knowing if you should play along and say hello to him or just run away and never speak to anyone ever again but Mason took it out of your hands and sent you a sympathetic smile.

‘Hey, y/n. Good to see you’

Was it?

‘H-hi Mase- uh Mason’ you stuttered. Shaking your head but thankfully you were saved by the bell as Masons phone started ringing.

‘That’s jaz, she probably thinks I’m lost somewhere’ he nodded and with a quick see you around he was off, leaving you alone with Suzi who was looking over at you like you’d grown an extra head.

‘Look I know it’s well known he’s got a crush on you but you don’t have to act like that around him, I’m surprised you’ve not scared the poor boy off’ she joked and you realised how it must have looked with the pair of you being so awkward with each other.

‘Sorry, things are just a bit complicated’ you shrugged and you watched her face fall as she didn’t understand what you meant.

‘What do you mean?

‘Nothing, come on let’s not get distracted’ you told her, holding up the dresses you’d picked out for her and thankfully that was enough for her to pull you towards the dressing rooms to try everything on.

You seemed to have more luck picking something else out for each other. Suzi falling in love with the white strapless mini dress you’d found her whilst you picked a leafy green velvet one that hung off your shoulders and pulled you in at the waist she had picked for you. The pair of you leaving with big smiles on your faces as you’d managed to find something but the image of Mason's face was fresh in your mind and it still made your heart beat wildly as you thought about the way he looked at you.

You got ready for your party with Suzi, letting Betsy know you’d see her there and as soon as you turned up she was on you. Parading you around everywhere so you could see what she’d done for you and even though it was beautiful and you were really grateful, you knew it was just an excuse to throw a party for her and it didn’t matter that it was your birthday at all.

You spent most of the night floating between hanging out with her and all her rich friends that you spoke to every so often to then hunting down Suzi for a bit of a rest and some normality. Thinking it was funny how if that was even two months ago you’d probably be thinking the exact opposite and would be spending your whole time with Betsy but today you’d given anything to get away from her.

‘Is that Mason over there?’ You heard Betsy giggle as your mind was off thinking about something else. You were a few hours in and you’d been standing with her for the last ten minutes however you’d been looking for a way out you just wished it wasn’t this. Following her eyeline to see him stood on the other side of the room with Luke and it was like someone had punched you in the gut.

You knew why he was there, you’d invited him before everything had happened and you knew he didn’t want to cause a scene by not coming as Suzi must have spoken to him too, but this was a lot for you to deal with right now as so much had changed since you’d last seen and spoken to him properly.

You had changed more than anything.

‘What do you mean? I invited him ages ago?’ You told her hoping she would drop it but she wouldn’t stop looking at him and laughing and you were pretty sure he’d noticed the way she was acting.

‘I just thought after everything that happened he wouldn’t go anywhere near you, surely he’s not that pathetic’ she commented and you saw red instantly. Mason wasn’t the pathetic one, you were

‘It’s not pathetic at all, he’s got every right to be here’

‘I was just-‘

‘No you were being awful, just like always’ you told her, grabbing your drink so you could walk away but your mouth was running away from you before you could. ‘Mason is kind, and loyal and there’s not a bad bone in his body. You know who’s pathetic? Me, for trusting you and listening to your crap like always’

‘Y/n-‘

‘No Betsy, I’ve had enough’ you told her whilst standing up. ‘We weren’t close but Mason was my friend and now I can’t even look at him without feeling shit about myself for what I did. He didn’t deserve it, hell no one does but definitely not him’

‘Oh come on, y/n. You weren’t saying all this just before you did it, don’t try being the bigger person now’

‘I’m not claiming to be, but at least I’m not so far up my own arse I can’t see my own mistakes. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to him and until you realise the same I think we should have some time apart’ you told her. Not letting her reply or respond in any way as you walked off but as soon as you rounded the corner of your booth you were face to face with the last person you wanted to be.

You could tell with just one look at him that he’d overheard what you’d said. How much you were unsure of but it was Suzi’s voice that had snapped you out of your daze. You hadn’t even realised she was also there so the fact that she’d maybe overheard parts of it too was making your tummy sink and you didn’t know if you should answer her or flee the scene.

‘What was that about? What have you done?’ She asked but even if you’d wanted to tell her, no words were coming out of your mouth. ‘Y/n?’ She pressed but still nothing in your end.

‘It’s okay, leave it’ you heard Mason mumble. His voice making you dizzy as your breathing quickened and you knew if you didn’t get out of there soon you’d end up embarrassing yourself in front of everyone. This was meant to be your night and the thought of having a panic attack in the middle of the room was bottom of the list of tonight’s activities.

‘No it’s not, tell me what you did’ she pressed but you didn’t. Your eyes flying to the floor as they stung with tears and all you could think about was getting out of there and away from everyone.

‘I can’t, I’m sorry’ you whispered, turning on your head and fighting your way through the swarms of people to make your way to the loo so you could have five minutes peace but you could barely see as you were so emotional.

This wasn’t how you imagined your birthday party, stood in a dingy toilet as you tried to contain your sobs. Hiding from everyone in your life as you knew you’d let them all down and you didn’t know how you were meant to go back out there and face everyone. You were pretty sure only a few people had seen what happened but you knew Betsy would probably be bitching about you to her other friends and the thought of explaining everything to Suzi was making you feel sick.

You didn’t know where to go once you’d left the bathroom, taking a moment to make sure your eyes were less puffy and you looked presentable before making your way back but thankfully life was carrying on as normal without you. Realising that most people here you didn’t actually know or talk to but in the search of looking for something to do, your eyes wandered over to a table of gifts in the corner and you thought you’d take a peek.

One caught your eye immediately, knowing the handwriting on the tag as soon as you looked at it and you couldn’t help but open it then and there. Your eyes filling for the millionth time that night as you held the picture frame in your hands and you knew you’d give anything to be there right now.

‘You okay?’ You heard from behind you. Suzie’s voice was soft and understanding now, a complete 180 from how it was ten minutes ago but you knew you couldn’t face her.

‘I’m fine’ you coughed, trying to cover up the emotion in your voice but you knew she’d see right through it and when you heard her sigh you didn’t know if she was being sympathetic or she was fed up with you.

‘Listen, Mason told me what happened’ she told you quietly and you felt a shiver run though you. ‘Well, not everything, but I can get the jist of it. Why didn’t you just tell me?’

‘Why would I? It was an awful thing to do, I don’t exactly want to broadcast it everywhere’ you said quietly. Finally turning yearling to look up to her with tear filled eyes and even though you could barely see, you couldn’t help but look for him. ‘Where is he?’

‘Gone home, he’s got training early tomorrow’ she explained and you didn’t know if you were relieved or upset about the fact he’d gone. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘Go home, too’ you laughed, knowing that wasn’t really an option but her face didn’t change as she grabbed your hand.

‘Let’s go home then’ she nodded and after you’d grabbed your things you were both out of the door without a word said to anyone else.

Just because Suzi hadn't shouted at you didn’t mean she wasn’t upset with you. The pair of you jumping into your double bed once you were home and changed into your pjs and you knew you were in for a dose of much needed tough love after you finally explained what you’d done. She was definitely disappointed in you and you hated the way she was looking at you but it was no worse than how you felt about yourself.

‘You know, Mason’s not mad at you’ she told you after your tears had subsided and you gulped hard as you looked up at her in confusion. ‘I think listening to you defend his honour helped a bit but he wanted me to tell you he’s okay and he wants to clear the air’

‘He’s insane’ you laughed, wiping your eyes with the cuff of your sleeve and for the first time in a while you heard Suzi laugh too.

‘Maybe’ she giggled. ‘I know if someone had done the same to me I’d have them hung, drawn and quartered but he’s not like that. All he’s worried about is making sure you’re okay’

‘I don’t know if I can talk to him yet’ you whispered, feeling more like a coward and the moments passed by but Suzi just gave you a sympathetic smile. ‘Everytime I look at him I feel sick’

‘Give it some time, I’m sure he’ll wait’ she nodded, squeezing your hand gently as she tucked herself further into the covers and you knew she was getting ready to sleep. ‘We can talk more in the morning, yeah? Let’s just sleep on it and we can figure it out tomorrow’

‘Thank you, Suzi’

‘Don’t mention it’ she yawned as she relaxed into the sheets. ‘You ever pull a stunt like this again though and I won’t be as forgiving’

‘I’ve learnt my lesson I promise’ you gulped, her hand squeezing yours one more time before she rolled over and fell asleep.

Your feelings were pretty much the same in the morning. Not ready to have it out with Mason just yet but you knew you needed to clear the air with Betsy. Calling her into the office on Monday morning to figure out where to go from there and after half an hour, the pair of you were on the same page about the future.

All you wanted now was to focus on the promises you’d made to your family and after two weeks of intense work with Flo you were sat with her in the back of an uber on the way to something that could change the game for you. A meeting with one of the country's biggest record labels so you could pitch the idea of producing their artist’s vinyls exclusively and you were more nervous than you’d ever been for anything. This was the most effort you’d put into the business in years, maybe even ever, but you knew you needed to push yourself and this seemed like the perfect way to do it.

Your car pulled up to their offices in good time and you and Flo made your way straight inside. Pushing the button for the lift to take you to the right floor but as the doors pinged opened you stopped in your tracks.

‘Mason?’ You breathed. Him smiling at you almost guiltily as he swallowed a hard lump and as he moved out of the lift so others could get in, it was like you were frozen to the spot.

‘Y/n? What are you doing here?’ He asked, his cheeks pink at the sight of you and you were surprised he was even speaking to you in the first place so you crossed your arms over your body and bit the inside of your cheek.

‘I’ve got a meeting. What are you doing here?’

‘I’ve just come from a meeting’ he nodded. ‘My management are on the top floor’

‘’I see’ you nodded back, not sure what else to say to him but he surprised you once again by carrying on the conversation.

‘Where’s Betsy?’ He asked, his eyes falling to Flo who’d taken the hint and taken a few steps away so you could talk to Mason in private.

‘I fired her’

‘Shit’ he laughed, the sound making your chest flutter and the corners of your mouth tilt up and once he’d seen you were smiling he was looking at you sympathetically. ‘Listen, I'm glad I’ve caught you. I was hoping we could talk?’

‘What about?’

‘I think you know what’ he nodded but you just swallowed hard as you didn’t know what to say or do right now. ‘Look it’s okay, I don't want us to be like this with each other yeah? I want us to put it behind us’ he told you softly but you still couldn’t look at him. Crossing your arms across your body even further to try and protect yourself but you could hear his gentle sigh before you felt him getting closer again. ‘C’mere’ he asked gently. His hand reaching forwards in hopes you’d take it but you couldn’t bring yourself to touch him.

‘Please don’t be nice to me Mason, I don’t deserve it’ you whispered. Not trusting yourself to talk at a normal volume as your voice was bound to break and you watched through bleary eyes as his hand fell back to his side.

‘You don’t deserve to beat yourself about it forever either’ he told you. Closing the gap between you so he could place his hands on your arms and the sudden proximity of him made you dizzy. Looking up into his big brown eyes that still held so much sadness and you hated that you were the cause. ‘If I can learn to move on from it then you need to as well’

‘You haven’t moved on though, have you’ You told him. The tears welling in your eyes finally spilling over onto your cheeks and he was quick to wipe them away before cupping your jaw. His touch warming your skin and you had to fight every instinct not to rest your cheek into his hand as he sent you a barely there smile.

‘I’m getting there’ he nodded. ‘Please don’t cry, I don’t want you going in there upset’

‘I’ll be fine, I should get going’ you told him and as soon as the words left your mouth he dropped his hands back to his sides.

‘Good luck, okay. You got it’

‘Thank you’ you whispered. Giving him one last smile before he was walking away but just as he got to the door you knew you had to say something before you forgot.

‘Mason wait’ you called, watching him turn to you with his brows raised in confusion and you closed the gap as you didn’t want what you were about to say to be heard by everyone there. ‘Those pictures, I never sent them anywhere. I deleted them all I promise’ you told him.

‘Thank you’ he whispered, a grateful expression on his face and you felt your heart settle a bit knowing he was happy about it. ‘Text me when you’re done? I wanna know how you got on’

‘Okay’ you whispered, sending one last smile his way before you went back to Flo and you were thankful she didn’t mention another word about it.

You did as Mason asked and let him know the meeting went really well, the label agreeing then and there to the deal and once you let him know you were on the phone to your parents to tell them all about it too and you could tell they were shocked but more than anything they were pleased you’d taken their words on board so quickly.

Texting Mason became somewhat of a regular thing after that. Suzi pushing you to message him to say thank you for the birthday gift he’d gotten you and since you were putting it to such good use, you figured you could send him a little picture of where you’d decided to put it. You were full of dread and panic as soon as you hit send until he messaged you back and soon enough you got into a rhythm with it.

You’d message each other here and there about random things. You knew he was busy and now you were becoming busy with work it wasn’t always possible to talk everyday, that coupled with the fact you didn’t feel worthy of his forgiveness and the possibility you thought he could turn on you and call you out any second for your behaviour made your nervous and unsure about talking to him.

Suzi was always there to talk you up though, spending a night on facetime with you when one of Mason's games was on so she could teach you the rules and even though you had no idea what everyone was doing, it was fun watching him run around and go for people. The bridge of his nose getting redder as the minutes passed by but his smile was wide and that’s all you cared about.

‘You should text him, congratulate him on the win’ she told you when it was over and even though you’d been texting back and forth for a little while you were doubtful of if you should. Your face crinkling in uncertainty which in turn made her giggle and no matter how much she tried to talk you around for the next half an hour you were on the phone with her, you told her you thought it was best you left it and she didn’t want to push you.

It was as soon as you got in bed that the itch to speak to him started. She’d planted the seed in your head but as you hadn't heard from him in a few days you were unsure if he wanted to talk to you again. Thinking maybe he was coming to realise he was still unhappy with you and wanted some space but before you could overthink it more than you already had you’d typed up a small message and hit send.

The emoji and use of the name love had you grinning like a schoolgirl. Catching yourself for a moment and wondering what the hell you were doing but you couldn’t deny you were seeing Mason in a whole new way and you were hoping you could someday get to be friends again just like you thought he wanted.

Everything with Flo was going well too, she was smart and on it and excited for all the new projects the two of you were starting but for the plans you had today you were flying solo. In fact she had no idea what you were up to but you’d told her to man the fort as you were out on a special mission.

The original record store was In Portsmouth but since the factory had opened in Manchester it made sense in your mind to open a store up here too. In fact it was your idea when you’d first moved up here and it was something that had impressed your parents in the beginning but just like the rest of the business, it was plodding along and needed a bit of spicing up.

The store had only been open for an hour when you showed up unannounced and apart from your store manager Clive, the shop was empty. To say he was surprised to see you was an understatement as this wasn’t somewhere you frequented a lot but he also seemed happy enough to see you.

‘To what do I owe the pleasure’ he smiled, popping down his pen from where he was doodling on a scrap piece of paper.

‘Well I was hoping I could come and work here today?’ You asked and the mask of shock that took over his face made you giggle. ‘I want to see what’s going on and maybe pick your brains a bit? I’d love to get more people in and I’m sure you’ve got some ideas’

You knew you were onto something special when he grabbed his notebook and began rattling off all the thoughts he had about the shop. From ‘album of the week’ displays to being more active on social media, you loved everything he came up with and once you’d discussed more concrete plans it was nearly lunch time.

‘Why don’t you take a proper break today? I’ll look after everything’ you assured him and it didn’t take much to get him to agree and after quickly showing you how to use the till he was off out and you were on your own.

Half an hour had passed and still no one had entered the shop so you got working putting some new stock out and tidying up a bit. Not that there was much to do as Clive clearly ran a tight ship but there wasn’t much else to do so you started making up jobs.

You were reorganising a shelf when you heard the bell on the door go. Looking around to see a girl around your age walking in with someone behind them and you gave her a quick smile before carrying on with what you were doing.

Whoever she was with clearly didn’t want to be here. You could hear her calling him a grump and asking him to cheer up but his little grunts of annoyance were making you laugh.

You didn’t stay hidden for too much longer, running out of things to put away so you stood up and made your way back to the front to grab another handful of things to sort out but you were stopped in your tracks as you turned in the aisle. Almost walking into the grumpy man that you hadn’t caught a glimpse of yet but as soon as you had you felt shock roll through you.

‘Mason?’ You gulped, your eyes peering up at him in surprise but he was sending you a warm smile which made you feel better. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I could ask you the same thing’ he smiled and it settled your heart a bit to know this wouldn’t be awkward. Yes you’d been texting but you haddn’t seen him since your meeting and that was a couple of weeks ago now.

‘Well I do kind of own the place’ you joked, wondering if he’d laugh or get a bit awkward with you but thankfully for you, you knew he found it funny as his eyes crinkled at the sides.

‘Okay, you’ve got me there’ he nodded. Ducking his head and pressing his lips together like he was suppressing a smile and you almost smiled back yourself but the presence of the girl he was with was making you feel a bit awkward and you weren’t sure why. Maybe it was the fact you didn’t know he was dating, in fact you’d never seen him with a girl ever, but you tried not to let it show you were feeling weird about it.

‘It’s nice to see you, but I’ll let you get back to your date’

‘Date?’ He laughed, following your eye line to the pretty brunette in the corner but he just shook his head. ‘That’s my stylist, Carlotta. We’re just in between shoots and she wanted to look for something’

‘Oh’ you gulped, not sure what that feeling was but you knew you felt good about the fact he wasn’t on a date and it confused you. You couldn’t think about it for too long though as the bell on the shop door was going again and you were surprised to see Clive looking at the pair of you with such a big smile on his face.

‘Mason, good to see you man’

‘You know each other?’ You asked Clive as you joined him at the till and you could feel Mason was following on behind.

‘He’s one of my regulars’ Clive told you, turning to Mason so you could raise a brow at him and you could see him blushing before he shrugged at you. ‘Oh y/n, I thought of another idea whilst I was getting lunch. What do you think about setting up a record player at the album of the month display? We can pop some headphones in and have a little listening stand so people can listen before they buy’

‘I like that’ you nodded. I’ve got a few knocking around at the factory, I can bring one over’

‘I remember you used to have that in the shop at home’ Mason nodded. ‘I tell you what though, the best thing you guys ever had there was the live sessions’ he smiled before tending his attention to Clive. ‘Last Thursday of every month they’d get someone in to do a set and I’d always go with my brother’

‘Well why don’t we do that here?’ Clive asked, looking at you with an excited smile and you knew what he’d be asking next.

‘We stopped doing it at Portsmouth cause we couldn't afford to pay people back then but I bet I could set aside some budget and bring it back here. Maybe we can invite some more up and coming artists? Give them a bit of a platform and a chance to show themselves’

‘This is the best day ever’ Clive said more to himself than to you but you couldn’t help but share a secret smile with Mason as Clive typed away on his laptop. Mouthing him a quick thank you and you really were thankful for seeing him today.

You carried on like that for a few weeks, texting Mason most days as you sent each other silly things and as your friendship slowly developed again you started to feel even worse about what you’d done.

Mason was a sweetheart, constantly making time for you when you didn’t deserve it but knowing you made him happy with a few silly texts made your heart thump and all you wanted was to make him happier. To make up for all the times you’d let him down in all the years you’d known him as you fully came to terms with the fact you’d never treated him how he should have been.

You wanted to say sorry to him properly but you didn’t really know how to do it. You wanted it to be personal and meaningful so he knew it was sincere but you’d been thinking for days and nothing felt right.

It came to you one night as you were getting your things ready for work, hoping you could use the resources you had available at your fingertips to put something together for him and after some careful planning and a late night in the factory, you’d managed to pull together something you thought was worthy of an apology he deserved.

It was the thought of giving it to him that was putting you off, not wanting to get upset in front of him again but you wanted him to have what you’d made him so on a rare day off you’d taken to sort some things out at home, you made the trip to his house. It was just after lunch when you arrived to drop it off by his door, hoping he was out so you could leave it there for him to look at when he was back but your plans were thwarted as soon as you began walking up his drive.

His car wasn’t parked on the drive which had given you the confidence to walk up in the first place, hoping you could pop it by his front door, but you were about halfway up when his front door swung open and his eyes landed on you immediately.

‘What you doing here?’ He laughed, walking out of his door and clicking his key to open the garage behind him as he chuckled at you and you weren’t sure if you wanted to say something or run back down his drive. His garage door now fully open to reveal his cars and you realised how stupid you were to not realise they were in there.

‘I’ve got something for you’ you gulped as you approached him, deciding to take the plunge and tell the truth but the way he was looking at you with a confused smile as he tilted his head to the side was making you want to run. ‘I was just gonna leave it somewhere’

‘What is it?’ He asked cheekily, holding his hand out to take it from you and even though you felt embarrassed now and didn’t want to give it up, you handed it over to him.

‘A mixtape, of sorts’ you mumbled. ‘I realised the other day I never actually apologised for what I did and I wanted to do something nice for you. Although I’m just realising you’ll probably think of it whenever you play this and I’ve probably ruined all the songs on there for you so maybe this was a bad idea’

‘Nah, I love it’ he laughed, his face lighting up as he read over the handwritten tracklist on the back but you could feel your face heating up with every second that went by and before you knew it, your mouth was running away with you.

‘I really am sorry, Mase. I can’t even begin to explain how much’ you croaked. You didn’t want to get emotional again but every time you saw him it just slapped you in the face what an awful person you were and what an awful thing you had done.

‘It’s okay, I know you are’ he told you softly but all you could do was sob as you hid your face. Not even pushing him away when he wrapped his arms around you, simply melting into his frame as he stroked your back gently and rested his cheek on the top of your head. ‘Hey come on, what’s all these tears for?’

‘I just can’t help but feel like I’ve messed up probably the best thing I could have ever had’ you confessed and you could sense he was a little shocked as his body stiffened before his posture softened once more.

‘I’m not one to hold a grudge, especially not when it comes to you’ he told you quietly, pulling away so he could look at you before reaching up to stroke your cheek softly in order to get you to look at him. ‘I get why you did it, yeah? We’ve all been fucked up for someone once’

‘Yeah but you don’t go and do what I did’

‘Not to that extreme maybe, no’ he chuckled, stroking your cheek to get rid of your tears. ‘But I’ve forgiven you, yeah? We don’t have to be all awkward with each other. I was hoping we could go back to being friends at least? And I mean proper friends, not whatever it was before’ he joked, trying his best to make you smile but you seemed to just be sobbing more.

‘You can’t forgive me Mase, not when I can’t forgive myself’ you sobbed, trying your hardest to stop your bottom lip from wobbling and as he quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks you found the strength to carry on. ‘When I look at you, I just feel sad… and guilty. I don’t wanna live like that forever’

‘You don’t have to’ he told you, shaking his head softly as he looked at you with so much concern it made your chest ache. ‘Why don’t we do something together?’

‘Like what?’ You laughed, thinking this was the last thing you expected him to say but you loved the way his face lit up knowing you were a little bit happier.

‘I don’t know, spend the rest of the day together doing something? Make some new memories and turn that frown upside down’ he joked, moving his hands to squeeze your shoulders and it was almost as if you couldn't believe what he was saying.

‘You don’t wanna spend the day with me’ you laughed, trying to test him a little bit to see if he was just having a laugh with you but his face remained serious.

‘Yeah I do’ he shrugged like it was the most simple thing in the world and you still didn’t understand why he was being so kind. ‘Why don’t we go and get some ice cream?’

‘Ice cream?’

‘Yeah, remember at school when you had that awful maths teacher, what was his name again?’ He asked and you knew exactly who he meant.

‘Mr Smith. Or Mr Shit as I called him’ you scowled, the mere mention of his name annoying you but the sound of Mason's giggles brought you back to reality.

‘Exactly, and there was that one day where he’d pepper chewed you out so you, me, Jamie and Rach got ice cream and sat on the beach’

‘How do you remember that?’

‘I remember a lot about you’ he smiled with a shrug. ‘But i remember you were a lot happier by the time we were done’

‘I haven’t had ice cream in months’

‘That might explain why you’re such a mardy arse then’ he teased but before you could say anything back he was leading you into his garage and opening the passenger door to his car with a smile. ‘Come on, my treat. We can go by the canal and pretend it’s the sea’

‘Maybe we can feed the ducks if we see any?’ You asked excitedly and he was nodding back with just as much enthusiasm and all thoughts of not wanting to hang out with him were out the window. Jumping in his car as he ran around to the other side after shutting your door and the soft smile he sent you as he set off made your heart thump.

It wasn’t exactly the time of year for it, but you were still annoyed you couldn’t find an ice cream van for love nor money. In the end, parking up and running into a small Tesco so you could pick one out of the freezer before Mason let you know there was a good view of old Trafford not too far away and suggested that you should walk by that section of the canal. You happily went along with it as you were up for doing whatever he wanted but it was nice you get some fresh air and sun on your face for a bit.

You’d never been this close to old Trafford before and you stopped by a railing so you could lean on it and take a better look. Mason's arm brushing up against yours as you stood side by side and ate in silence until your mouth started talking before you’d even realised.

‘It's huge’ you commented, nodding your head towards the stadium as you both finished your ice creams and when he held his hand out to take your rubbish you passed it over so he could pop it in the bin. ‘Do you ever get scared?’

‘Sometimes, I have a little trick though’ he smiled, moving to stand behind you with a hand on your hip and as his chest hit your back you felt your knees go weak. You weren’t expecting him to get this close to you but you couldn’t say you weren’t enjoying it.

‘On the other side the corner to the left, well that’s the one that faces south. So everything I feel scared or like I don’t think I can do it, I just look that way and I know I’m facing home. Things don’t feel so scary then’ he told you softly and you felt your eyes fill up at his words.

You were as stiff as a board and you knew it, willing yourself to relax a bit but as his free hand flanked your other side once he’d stopped talking you felt even more awkward. It was like you were too nervous to concentrate on anything other than the way his hands felt holding you again and you hadn't realised how much you’d missed being this close to him.

‘Hey, relax’ he laughed in your ear quietly, clearly feeling how stiff you were in his hold but with one squeeze of your waist you felt yourself melting into him a bit. His arms now circling you as he pulled you closer into his body but it was when he rested his cheek on the top of your head that you finally went with it. Your arms now on top of his to hold him back and it was like you couldn’t wipe the smile from your face as a sense of belonging washed over you.

The view was beautiful from here, but there was one thing you couldn’t see that you knew was even more beautiful. Turning your head to the side and looking up so you could catch a glimpse of his chocolate eyes and as soon as you did you were turning in his arms to face him. No longer content with being stood like this as you wanted to hold him properly and as you carefully wrapped your arms around his neck he pulled you impossibly closer.

You’d never had a hug like this before, that felt like this before and you could fell your eyes sting as his touch set you alight. Feeling as though he was filling you up with his love with each stroke of his thumbs on your back and as you felt him nuzzle his face into the side of your neck you let out a shuddery breath.

‘You okay, sweetheart?’ He whispered into your skin, his arms gently swaying you from side to side in the most comforting way and you willed yourself to keep your emotions in check.

‘I’m fine’ you sniffed, pulling away just enough so that you could look at him and the sympathetic expression on his face almost set you off again. ‘Just a lot on my mind’ you laughed as you rolled your eyes but he just squeezed you a little tighter in response.

‘Tell me’

‘I know you keep saying it’s fine and you've forgiven me but I just still feel like crap’ you laughed. ‘Moving up here, I suppose it was meant to be a bit of a fresh start for me and I wanted to show everyone who I could be. Like you all thought I was a dork at school but look at me now but I’ve gone so far the other way it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. I should have never thought it was okay to do what I did’

‘I never thought you were a dork. I’ve always seen you, you know? But this… how you are up here… it’s not you, y/n’

‘I know’ you sniffed, it really hitting home that he knew you probably better than you knew yourself at this point and as your eyes selfishly flashed to his lips all you could think about was kissing him again after he’d taken your breath away all those weeks ago. ‘No one’s ever seen me like you before’

‘That’s cause no one’s ever loved you like me before’ he told you softly and even though you’d always known it, it was still a shock to hear the words coming from him. A wobbly breath falling from your lungs as his words hit you whilst his loving smile made you want to smile back at him twice as wide. ‘Stupidly or not, I’ve always loved you. I figured if I was nice enough then maybe one day you could learn to love me back’ he confessed and you felt your bottom lip drop.

‘I know what I did was awful, but I’m not horrible. I’m just a bit dumb, you know?’ You told him tearily but you smiled as he laughed along with you. Tucking your hair behind your ear softly as his happy eyes bore into yours and you knew you wanted to keep talking. ‘One day I think, well I know, that I’ll be able to love you too. I just hope it’s not too late’ you nodded and your heart swelled as he nodded along with you. ‘I know sorry won’t make up for everything but it’s all I have for you right now. Just give me some time to prove myself’

‘You don’t realise it but I can tell you’re on the way back already. If you would have carried on like you were then I wouldn't have bothered trying to talk to you again’ he laughed but you didn’t have a chance to reply as a flash in the corner of your eye startled you before a loud crash of thunder made you squeal in terror.

‘It’s okay, it’s okay’ he reassured you, pulling you into his body carefully as you froze in terror and after a frightened whimper left your lips he was pulling you back in the direction of his car. ‘Come let’s go back to mine’

It was around a half an hour drive back to Masons house and when you pulled up onto his drive you were wondering if he was going to invite you in or send you on your way but once you were out of his car he was pulling you up the drive to his front door and taking you inside without even asking.

‘You want a drink or anything?’

‘Oh I’m… it’s okay I can go if you’re busy’ you told him, not wanting to interrupt his day anymore than you had but he just smiled at you warmly.

‘No no, rest of the day today remember? I’m not letting the rain stop that’ he winked ‘Come on, we can go relax for a bit’

‘Mase-‘ you started but another crash of thunder made you jump and his eyes softened as he reached for you.

‘Y/n come on’ he probed gently. ‘You’re exhausted’

‘I’m okay’

‘Not you’re not. Come lay down’ he all but demanded, and when he pulled you to his living room by your hand you went with him.

‘Mase-‘

‘Just do it, It’s okay’ he reassured you, stopping by his sofa so he could rearrange the cushions for you and when he reached for the blanket you felt your heart warm. ‘Just relax, okay? I’ve got some stuff to do but I’ll be in the other room so I’ll be quiet’ he told you but he could clearly tell you were still unsure. ‘Please’

‘Fine’ you huffed, rolling your eyes playfully as you flopped onto his sofa and you couldn’t stop the giggles as he tucked you in and popped a kiss on your temple.

You tried to sleep, your body aching from how knackered you were but after Mason had finished whatever he was up to in the house you could feel his presence on the other side of the room and you turned to face him. His eyes on you as you got comfortable on your side to look at him and you sent a shy smile his way which he returned.

‘I thought you were having a kip? It’s only been fifteen minutes’ Mason asked as he looked over to you from the other side of the sofa. Noticing he’d been scrolling on his phone waiting for you for a few minutes but now you were looking at him, his phone was away so he could focus just on you. You just shrugged your shoulders though as you didn’t know how to tell him you couldn’t sleep as all you could think about was him.

‘Not tired now’ you mumbled but as you tapped the space next to you but you knew that wasn’t the only reason. ‘Come and lay with me’

You didn’t really ask him, more like demanded that he come over to you but just like always he did exactly as you asked. Carefully getting up before squishing himself in next to you and after a little bit of a tangle with your arms and legs, his arm was around your waist as you half laid on top of him and rested your head in your hand so you could look down at him.

You’d never really taken the time to look at him properly before. Even from a mile away anyone could see he was handsome, and you’d always known he was objectively good looking, but looking at him up close was a whole different ball game.

His lashes were so long as they brushed his cheeks when he looked down but it was the big brown eyes that they framed that melted you. It’s like they were telling you all you needed to know about how he felt and you loved that he was so open with his feelings for you. You just hoped you could repay the favour one day if he was willing to wait.

‘What are you blushing for?’ You whispered. Noticing the way his nose and cheeks were now tinged pink but as soon as the words left your mouth he was just blushing deeper until the bridge of his nose was a deep red.

‘I’m not’ he scoffed, trying to look away and hide his face but you held his jaw and made him keep looking at you.

‘You are’ you giggled, stroking the bridge of his nose ever so gently as he looked up at you in awe. ‘Right here, you’re all red’

‘I’m always red there’ he smiled before his face got a little more serious. ‘I know this is practically common knowledge at this point, but I’ve had a crush on you since I was 13’ he confessed and you loved the fact he wasn’t shy with it but you noticed he could no longer hold your eye contact. ‘I’ve always dreamt of moments like this with you. I’ve never once not wanted this, even when I said my feelings for you were gone they never went anywhere’

You were left speechless by his declaration. In the back of your mind you’d known when you hurt him and he’d thrown all those angry words in your face he was speaking out of frustration rather than from the heart, but you couldn’t believe how good it felt to have him speak about you so positively. If Mason, who was a ray of sunshine in your life thought so highly of you then you couldn’t be that bad, right?

You'd been awful and you knew you didn’t deserve it, but you wanted him to carry on. To talk about you like no one else would so he could make you feel like no one else ever had and as you smiled down at him you could see he was looking up at you suspiciously.

‘Tell me more’ you whispered, watching his eyes roll sarcastically and you knew he was embarrassed a little bit.

‘You know how I feel about you’

‘I know but I wanna hear more’ you asked him with a cheeky smile. The hand that had been settled on his chest moving up to cup his jaw and as you stroked his cheek gently it was like you could feel him relax into the cushions even more.

‘I think you're beautiful’ he whispered, his eyes flicking all over your face. ‘And funny and kind-‘

‘That a lie’ you scoffed, cutting him off with a laugh and thankfully he was laughing with you.

‘Well not all the time’ he teased with a wink but you knew he was just trying to have a laugh with you so you sent him a wink back. ‘But I know you’ve got a lot of love to give, even to people who don’t deserve it’

‘How can you talk about me like this after everything I did? You should hate me’

‘I’ve never hated you, never have never will’ he confirmed cheekily before he face got serious again. ‘I was just disappointed, that’s all. I thought that could have been the start of something for us’ he told you sadly and you couldn’t look at him anymore, your eyes now fixed on his chest as your fingers played with the strings on his hoodie. ‘But like I said, no one’s loved you like I do and even something like that won’t make me feel any different and I don’t care if that’s stupid or whatever. I’d rather take my chances and have you while I can than not at all and I knew it might have only lasted that one night. I just figured you were worth it’

‘God I’ve been a right bitch to you’ you laughed, your eyes filling up again. ‘Not even just these past few months but since we’ve known each other. I never even bothered to get to know you and it’s it’s like you’ve been here the whole time’

‘Well I knew I’d wear you down eventually, I just didn’t think it would take 14 years’ he chuckled, trying to make you smile as he could tell you were getting upset again. ‘These last few weeks, everytime the doors gone I always wonder if it’s you. And I think about what I’d do if it was’ he smiled. ‘Hours Ive sat here, thinking about bringing you inside and sitting you down. Talking about everything’s that happened like we have done and thinking about what I wanna say’

‘Do you have anything else left?’

‘I think I’ve got it all out’ he laughed. ‘But I just want you to remember that I’m okay, and I think if we put our minds to it we can move on from this. I basically have but I don’t want you to stress anymore’ he told you. Reaching up to tuck some hair behind your ear and the action made your breath hitch in your throat. ‘Do you have anything else you want to say?’

‘A little thing’ you laughed, hoping he’d see the funny side of what you were about to say. ‘Remember when I said I deleted all those pictures?’ You told him and you saw his brows crease as he nodded. ‘Well I may have kept one of them. Just the one of us in the bathroom and you can’t even see your face’ you explained and thankfully he was smiling at you. ‘I just… if you never wanted to speak to me again, I just wanted a reminder that it was all real’

‘I’ll allow it’ he winked. ‘Thank you for being honest’

‘I’m trying my best’ you giggled and as he squeezed your thigh you felt your heart stutter.

‘Did you have a nice day today?’ He asked and you were happy for the change of subject as it had all been pretty heavy so far. Looking back to his kind face that radiated warmth and all you could think about was kissing him but you knew it was off the cards.

‘I did, yeah’ you smiled, stroking his cheek lightly as he smiled up at you. ‘I’m a bit upset we never got to see any ducks though’

‘That’s cause they don’t live down that way’ he said matter of factly and you felt your eyebrows pinch in confusion before you laughed.

‘What? Why didn’t you tell me before?’ You giggled. Watching him blush a bit as he smiled back at you and you couldn’t remember a time where you’d ever felt happier.

‘Cause you were excited to look for them’ he shrugged. ‘I didn’t want to disappoint you but telling you they weren’t there’

‘Well thank you’ you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully but he just winked back at you.

‘You know, I never thanked you actually’ he told you, bumping his leg into yours before trapping it between his own.

‘What for?’ You giggled, not being able to think of a single thing he would ever have to thank you for.

‘For standing up for me at your birthday’ he told you and the fact he’d confirmed that he’d definitely overheard what you’d said made your cheeks redden. ‘Even if you didn’t mean it at the time it was still nice to hear’

‘I did mean it’ you nodded. ‘And when I told you you work out who your friends are when things are tough, I meant that too. You were the only one who messaged me to check in on me, you know. Not just asking questions or trying to get any gossip from me but to actually ask about me. And I just threw it back in your face’

‘Y/n-‘

‘I can’t stop thinking about you’ you whispered, cutting him off as he looked up at you sweetly and hung on your every word. ‘And not in a bad way like I said earlier. It's like I can’t stop thinking about your smile, the way you touched me… kissed me’ you gulped and the slight smirk that formed on his lips made your heart race. ‘You know I’d give anything to go back and change that night’

‘I know love’ he nodded sympathetically and just like always it’s like he could read your mind. Knowing exactly what to say to make you feel better but you weren’t expecting what was about to come out of his mouth. ‘You know, you don’t have to close the door on anything, my door is still very much open’ he told you as he tried to wiggle himself into you further and you carried on lazily brushing your fingers over his chest as you peered down at him.

‘What?’ You questioned but you knew from his expression what he meant. ‘Why?’

‘You do stupid things when you love someone’ he whispered and you knew his words applied to the both of you.

‘I don’t… I don’t love him. Not anymore’ you gulped as you shook your head vigorously. ‘In all honesty I don’t think I ever really did, not how you’re supposed to love someone anyway. I think I just loved the image of him, you know? Like what we could be in my mind was better than what we actually were’

‘I know’

‘We never said that to each other anyway. I tried once and didn’t exactly get the response I wanted so I never tried again’ you smiled, trying to laugh it off a bit but he just carried on looking at your earnestly.

‘You deserve to be told you’re loved every single day, he was never good enough for you. And that's not me saying I am-

‘Mase-‘

‘Wait let me finish’ he laughed before his face got serious again. ‘You’re so special to me and I can’t even explain why. It’s like my soul knows you’re meant to be mine or something’ he laughed. ‘And I’m not expecting you to feel the same, I accepted it a long time ago that you don’t but you’re so hard to move on from’

‘So don't’ you whispered and you knew your answer confused him as his brows pinched together.

‘Don’t what?’

‘Move on from me’ you gulped, hoping he would understand what you were saying. ‘Don’t move on, stay right where you are and I’ll come to you. I’m really not that far away, I’ve been on my way to you for a while now I just didn’t realise it’ you reassured him but he wasn’t giving much away as he looked up at your face. ‘You can trust me Mase’

‘I know’

‘You don’t’ you smiled sadly. You hadn't given him anything to trust ever and you wanted him to know it was okay that he doubted you. ‘But I’ll prove it, I promise’

You didn’t know if you were allowed but you couldn't stop yourself anymore. Cradling his cheek in your hand as you peered down at him and you could see it in his eyes how much he wanted to kiss you even though he was scared. You took charge though and tilted his head ever so slightly before leaning down and pressing your lips to his.

You forgot how good it felt to kiss him, the world around you blurring at the edges and all you could see and feel was Mason. His strong heartbeat pounding away under your fingers that were laid on his chest and no matter how soft you tried to keep things it was Mason who was deeping it. His free hand holding the back of your head so you wouldn’t part from him but you didn’t want to anyway. He felt safe, like home, and you only pulled away when you absolutely had to so you could take a breath.

‘Will you let me take you out? On a proper date, not for a walk to look for imaginary ducks’ Mason whispered to you after a while. Your forehead still resting on his and as you giggled he squeezed your sides gently.

‘I’d like that’ you grinned. Dipping back down to kiss him and you knew you’d finally be okay.

Three Months Later

‘Will you stop checking your phone?’ You heard from next to you. Turning to see Suzi stood there with her arms crossed over her body and you realised instantly you hadn't even realised she’d joined you as you were so engrossed with your phone.

‘He said he’d be here’ you pouted. Chancing a look again at your messages but it was exactly the same as you’d left it 5 seconds ago.

‘And he will be, it’s his bloody idea after all’ she laughed as she walked off but the sound of the bell going off on the shop door caught your attention. His eyes finding yours immediately and you knew the smile on your face was just as wide as his.

‘Hello beautiful’ Mason whispered as he approached you. Dipping down to kiss your cheek gently and you were blushing hard at the gesture instantly. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t find a parking space it’s rammo out there’

‘That’s okay, you’re here now’ you laughed, letting him stand behind you as he wrapped his arms around your waist and once he was settled you were looking up at him over your shoulder softly. ‘Missed you’

‘Missed you too’ he grinned down at you, your head tilting up in hopes he’d lean down to kiss you and he didn’t need telling twice. Dipping his head to place the sweetest kiss on your lips that made your head spin and you finally felt like you were back where you belonged now you were in his arms.

‘Ugh’ Suzie gagged from next to you as just rejoined you both with a drink in her hand and her disgust caused you both to pull away with a giggle. ‘I think I preferred it when you two didn’t talk’ she teased but you knew she was just joking. She had been the one to push to hang out with Mason more and more since you told her you’d made up that day on his sofa and when you told her two weeks ago you’d finally become official, she was over the moon for you both.

You watched as Mason greated Suzi quickly before moving onto your parents. Big smiles on all their faces as they hugged and chatted away like they’d always known him and it warmed your heart to know they were all getting on so well. Wanting to go and join them now that everything was set up in the shop but as you approached you could hear Mason and your dad deep in conversation.

‘Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. She’s got her spark back since you’ve been back around’ he told Mason and you could see from a mile off his much it meant to Mason to hear that from him.

‘Well if I’m being honest she’s done the same for me, I think we both just needed a reminder of home’ he shrugged, trying to brush it off just like everytime you complimented him but your dad just laughed and patted him on the back.

‘Yeah well, I think it was a bit more than that’ he teased. ‘But I’m glad you’ve got each other’

‘Me too’ Mason smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides before they were searching for you and once he’d found what he was looking for he held his hand out for you to take.

‘I got you a drink’ you smiled and the way he beamed back at you made your heart swell. Taking it from your hand to place on the side next to yours before popping a kiss on your forehead.

‘Thank you, gorgeous’

‘I should be saying that to you’ you laughed. Wrapping an arm around his waist as he wrapped his around your shoulders protectively and you wanted to melt into him as you felt so safe and warm. ‘This is amazing Mase I can’t believe we did it’

‘You did it’ he told you pointedly but you weren’t having any of it.

‘Well it was your idea, and you helped plan and set up so I’d say you did it’

‘Well you’re very pretty’ he winked. His random compliment throwing you off a little but you knew you were blushing as you hid your face in his shoulder. ‘I mean it, you look beautiful’

‘Well then you’re very pretty too’ you chuckled but he didn’t have time to respond however the blush on his cheeks told you everything. The lights darkening as the artist you’d booked finally came out to a loud applause and after a quick introduction she started to perform.

She was four songs in when she announced she was mixing things up a bit and was going to sing a cover and as soon as her fingers hit the keys you knew the song. One you’d put on Masons I’m sorry playlist and you knew he realised too as he squeezed your waist gently in response and pulled you closer into his body. Your face tilted up and over your shoulder to see his and he was looking back down at you so softly you felt your eyes well up. An unspoken realisation between the pair of you that thing song was special to you and as he placed a kiss to your forehead you realised again how far you both had come.

It was you that pulled Mason away and out of the crowd so you could stand off to the side on your own. The pair of you in your own little bubble as you held each other and whispered the lyrics in each other's ear until you couldn’t take it anymore and reached up to kiss him.

You still couldn’t get over the feeling of being so close with him. The way he would hold you as he poured himself into you, the way his hold was always so gentle but strong and the way he didn’t care that anyone could see you he just wanted to kiss you and you wanted the same just as much.

I wanna say, Without you, everything's wrong

And you were everything I need all along

I wanna say, I wish that you never left

I love you so much’ you whispered as you pulled away, the words falling from your lips for the first time ever and you could tell Mason was shocked before the biggest grin you’d ever seen took over his face. His hands gripping your cheeks so he could pull you in for another heated kiss before his forehead rested on yours.

‘I love you too’ he whispered, his eyes bright and happy and you knew you’d never get over the feeling of being the one to make him smile. ‘I can’t believe you just said that to me’

‘Well you did say you’d wear me down eventually’ you winked, your heart swelling as he laughed with you and you knew you were finally on the right path with the boy who brought you peace.

Thanks so much for reading you beautiful people 😘 if you feel like, I’d love to know what you think so feel free to leave me some feedback if you’d like 🩷

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

did some force take you because i didn’t pray?

── aegon x fem!reader (you’re one of helaena’s lady’s in waiting)

the 2 times Aegon had someone there to comfort him

(i’m slightly changing things but just go with it pls)

small a/n before we begin: no use of y/n, i do my best to avoid descriptors BUT do use she / her and mention reader being shorter than aegon. when he hugs / holds you he is able to rest his head on yours. also i know everyone has titles and long names but to save time and also make it easier i just use first names. changing aegon’s rant just so im not word for word with the show.

also disclaimer: i know aegon is not a good person by any means! this is just the alternate reality version of him where things could turn out different if he’s shown genuine love and care

For as long as you’ve known the Targaryen family, it dawns on you one day that you’ve never seen Aegon cry.

In the beginning, that didn’t mean much. You were one of Helaena’s ladies’ in waiting, and only ever saw the then prince on occasion.

Then Aegon was crowned King, and you saw him a bit more as Helaena was required to be present at what felt like too many ceremonies. Because you were almost exactly the same age, although it was against an unspoken rule, she came to see you as a friend.

When the twins were born and Helaena saw how good you were with them, it seemed to anyone who was around that she wanted you near at all times. She practically begged you to begin sleeping in her chambers to help with the fussing and crying at night, and of course you said yes. It occurred to you later that night that she could’ve just demanded it.

It wasn’t long at all before the twins also formed an attachment, as their mothers need to have you close by didn’t lessen even as they got older.

Though they both loved you, Jaehaerys in particular, was very fond of you. Jaehaera was a lot more independent and chose to play with her dolls or little trinkets by herself. But the boy, the other ladies’ in waiting and even Helaena herself, often called him your little shadow.

Whatever task you were given, it wasn’t uncommon for Jaehaerys to be nearby. As he grew a little older, he began to ask questions.

Once, he asked why his mother wore such fancy dresses, but yours and the rest of the ladies’ were only ever plain. It hadn’t occurred to you that because you spent so much time with him and had a big hand in raising him, he saw you as family and genuinely didn’t understand why you dressed differently.

Luckily, you didn’t need to answer. Aegon appeared from around the corner, calling for his son. Once Jaehaerys ran to him, he gave you a nod before grabbing his sons hand and leading him in the opposite direction.

To the King, you were a mystery. He knew his sister preferred you to the other ladies’ in waiting, and he knew she’d rather you over any of them to be looking after the twins when she was busy, but he didn’t know why. Still, his sister was set in her ways, and in the end he simply decided it was best to not ask questions. Even he could see that you cared deeply for his children, and for him that was enough.

On the day Aegon wished for his son to sit in on a council meeting, Jaehaerys was being a bit difficult that morning. For whatever reason, he refused to go unless it was you that escorted him.

After assuring him that you’d only get the boy in the room and then quickly make your exit, Aegon nodded and led the 2 of you into the room.

Just like you knew he would, Jaehaerys immediately went for “the ball” as he called it, in front of Tyland Lannister. You could see irritation immediately all over the man’s face, but to his credit he did his best to hide it.

The third time the ball was grabbed, you were the only one that heard it when Tyland snapped. The meeting hadn’t yet begun but you could see he already wished it to be over.

“That child doesn’t belong in here,” he muttered to himself, unaware that you could hear him.

“I will escort him to his mothers chambers now. Is the heir to the throne bothering you a bit too much?” That last bit slipped out, and you immediately regretted it as the room grew silent and all eyes turned to the 3 of you. After a few tense seconds, most everyone resumed their conversations.

You slowly stood up, Jaehaerys now on your back as that was the only way he agreed to leave the room. “Apologies Ser Lan—”

“Hold on,” the room stilled once again when it was Aegon that spoke this time. He looked at you, then back at Tyland. “She has nothing to apologize for. And I believe she asked you a question. Is the heir to the throne, my son, is he bothering you?”

Even Alicent opted to look down and fiddle with her hands rather than step in. You didn’t think you’d ever been more grateful for Aegon that in that moment.

🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

ONE.

On the night Jaehaerys was murdered, you were knocked unconscious. You’d later find out it was the man they called Blood that hurt you, but at the time all you knew / remembered was waking to a loud noise. Immediately you got out of bed, but before you could properly realize what was happening, you felt something sharp across your cheek. And before you’d even had time to cry out, something hard hit the side of your head, causing everything to go dark.

When you woke, you ignored the maesters requests to stay in bed. As soon as you stood up, you almost wished you’d listened as you immediately felt dizzy. That was also when you felt the stinging pain of the cut on your cheek. The maester explained that you wouldn’t need to have it stitched up, but he hadn’t yet bandaged you because even in your sleep, you tossed and turn whenever he tried to tend to that injury.

After agreeing to not over exert yourself, you were off to find Helaena. It was then that another one of the ladies’ in waiting broke the news to you.

When you were let in to Alicent’s chambers, and locked eyes with Helaena, she immediately stood up from her spot on the floor and ran to you, Jaehaera still held tightly in her arms.

“Are you alright?” You knew she would be with the maester if she were injured, but you still had to ask. “They said—”

“He’s dead,” was all Helaena could say. That and “they killed him”.

What felt like an eternity later, and you’d gotten Jaehaera to sleep and convinced Helaena to at least lay down with her, you were unsure of what to do. Only a few moments later, you found yourself wandering the halls. Every inch of the place had been searched almost immediately, so you know that the halls were alright once again.

Part of you felt like you didn’t have a right to mourn Jaehaerys, as he wasn’t actually your son. You were just trying to process the fact that you’d never see his little smile again. Never again would you turn a corner and be greeted with that sweet voice asking where the 2 of you were going, because him staying with anyone else was out of the question.

You were one of the first to hold him after he was born, and had seen him every day since. To already be in a world where he no longer existed, it seemed cruel.

When you stopped walking, you realized that you’d come to Aegon’s chambers. The doors were obviously closed, and you had only managed to take a few steps back the way you came, when you heard them open.

“Oh, good,” you turned around, surprised that it was Alicent that had spoken. “Did Helaena send you?”

You stuttered as you tried to form a response, but she seemed to take your silence as a confirmation.

“He’s distraught, obviously. I’m not sure he’ll speak to you but…” she seemed unsure of herself. In the end she sort of motioned towards the doors, before turning and walking away.

Before you even raised your hand to knock, you heard sobbing. It was then that you realized you were wrong. Yes, your heart could break even more.

It didn’t escape your notice that Alicent left the room as her son was sobbing. You knew she wasn’t the comforting type, but you couldn’t imagine simply walking the other way.

After a few knocks, you weren’t surprised when there was no answer. As you slowly opened the door, then shut it behind you, you thought to yourself that you should’ve thought about what to say beforehand. Here was this normally stone-faced man, showing more emotion now than he had in the entire time you’d known him. And after more thought, you realized that perhaps Alicent had tried to comfort him but was asked to leave.

“Who is there?” Aegon finally seemed to notice someone else’s presence, but hadn’t actually looked up. His head remained in his hands, and you could hear him trying to quiet his cries.

“I am sorry, I— I just thought I should check on you.” You noticed how pathetic you sounded only after the words left your mouth.

He let out a humorless chuckle, then slowly stood up and made his way towards you. “Check up on me?”

You nodded. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. Stupid question to ask if you’re okay, I know.”

He studied your face for a moment, and his guard came down ever so slightly. He believed your concern to be genuine. And for Gods sakes, his own mother couldn’t even comfort him. She left quietly and Aegon knew it was in the hopes that he wouldn’t know she’d ever entered the room.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to answer you. Instead he returned to his sitting position, once again leaning forward so that his head was in his hands.

“I should’ve been there,” he spoke so softly that you didn’t quite hear him.

“Pardon?”

He looked up at you, fresh tears in his eyes. “I should’ve been there!” When he saw how you flinched, he regretted being so loud. But a larger part of him didn’t care. You were the first person to allow him to speak freely. He needed to let out his emotions somewhere. “I should have been there. But I thought who’d be stupid enough to try anything here? Look at how wrong I was.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done,” you shook your head.

“That is bullshit!” He stood up and began pacing back and forth. “My son is DEAD! It was an act of revenge, why else do you think the rest of you were left alive?”

You were about to ask if they already know who is responsible, but it’s as if he read your mind.

“My brother kills her son, so she has taken it upon herself to exact revenge, a son for a son!” He laughs, but again there is no humor in his tone. “My son, the heir to the throne, he is gone. Murdered while he slept and I did nothing!”

As he sat crying, you kneeled in front of him. Trying not to think about it too much, you placed your hands on his and forced him to look at you.

“Everyone around knows how much you love that boy. And he loved you just as much.” You decided it was better to not repeat that he couldn’t have done anything. Right now in front of you, was a father who needed to grieve.

Aegon knew he should be cautious. His sister knew you well, but he did not. He was already ashamed that you’ve seen him cry. Yet you didn’t seem repulsed. You allowed him to rant and didn’t try to shove advice down his throat. His son was gone, but you reminded him of the love that existed, that still exists.

The angry part of him wanted to shout at you to leave, but he couldn’t bring himself to yell again in that moment. So he allowed your hands to remain on his as he cried for his son.

You prayed that no one would walk in, as you stood up and pulled Aegon up with you. Before he could ask what was happening, you gave him a hug.

His first instinct was again, one of anger. He resisted the brief urge to push you away. After a few seconds, he even surprised himself when he almost melted into your touch. He genuinely couldn’t remember the last time he was in someone else’s embrace like this. And you didn’t ask questions. You only held him and listened to his heartbeat.

He found himself crying again as he returned the gesture and wrapped his arms around you. Although he knew he could never speak of this, and he’d have to ask that you not do the same at some point, he allowed himself to do nothing but mourn the loss of his son as you held him in your arms, and you in his.

He was grateful that at least in this moment, you allowed him to grieve.

🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

TWO.

After that, there was a noticeable change. Aegon gravitated towards you if he entered a room and you were already there. Everyone noticed, but none dared to speak on the matter, not even Alicent or Otto.

You heard about the meeting in which it was ultimately decided that Jaehaerys’ body would be placed on a carriage led through the streets, so that the public might see just what Queen Rhaenyra was capable of. You didn’t think this was her doing. How could a mother who has just lost her son, inflict that pain onto someone else? Surely she wouldn’t. But everyone else was so sure. And you were but a low-born lady in waiting, so you remained silent.

The thought of Jaehaerys being used, paraded through the streets for all to gawk at, it angered you. Yes, he was a prince. And you understood the message that they hoped it would send, but it didn’t make you any less upset. He was just a boy. You thought of the boy who would run into your embrace whenever you walked in to his mothers chambers.

You couldn’t even imagine how Aegon was feeling. He loved that boy deeply, and you had no doubt that he was pressured into agreeing.

That same night, you were abruptly woken up. Immediately you looked to Helaena’s bed, filled with relief to see her and Jaehaera fast asleep. But it alarmed you that it was Ser Criston Cole of all people, who’d woken you up.

He put a finger to his lips, then turned and exited the room. You made sure you looked at least half decent before you followed him, wondering what on earth possessed him to wake you at such an hour.

“I—” He looked unsure of where to start.

“Has something happened?”

“It’s the King.” He didn’t wait for you to respond, instead turning and practically running out of the room.

As you chased after him, it did occur to you that it was odd for him to fetch the King’s sisters ladies’ in waiting. You also realized that he never technically responded when you asked if something happened.

When the 2 of you finally reached Aegon’s chambers, Criston didn’t even open the door. He didn’t need to though, you could hear the shouting and loud noises from outside.

“Who else is in there?” You fiddled with your hands, unsure of what you were walking into.

Criston merely shook his head. “No one. He kicked everyone out. But I know you helped him that— that night. Can you…?”

Without giving it a second thought, you nodded. Instead of leaving, Criston sort of stood guard right outside the door. You’d seen Aegon angry before, and were secretly relieved that he was outside should anything go wrong.

This time, you didn’t bother knocking. You did, however, try to open and then close the door as quietly as possible.

“I declare war!” It was the first thing you heard since entering the room, and you didn’t bother asking who he was declaring war on.

“My King —”

It was as if he was in a sort of angry trance. You speaking didn’t even cause him to look in your direction.

“I want them all dead! They’ll all pay for this, every fucking one of them!” As he spoke, he moved about the room destroying King Viserys’ carefully and meticulously constructed display.

You could see he needed to let his anger out. And didn’t exactly want to approach him while he held something that could hurt you. Not that he intentionally would, but seeing as he had no reaction to you calling out to him, you didn’t think it wise to sneak up on him.

As the smashing and destruction went on, you could see Aegon begin to wear himself out. It wasn’t so much that the anger was leaving his body, but rather that he was losing the energy to continue. Now, you thought to yourself, was a good time to gauge where he’s at mentally / emotionally.

“My King—” you tried again. This would be a moment you’d come to regret, seeing as you hadn’t considered the fact that Aegon was so blinded by his rage that he hadn’t noticed it was you in the room. Sure he heard the doors open and close, but he assumed it had been one of his men.

Not registering who it was that just spoke, and only hearing that someone was interrupting his rampage, he turned around with an arm swung out. It ended up being sort of a backhanded slap, and unfortunately he was wearing a ring.

Once he realized it was you that he’d just harmed, Aegon froze. His eyes widened and he immediately dropped to his knees.

“Are you hurt? Did I— did I…” He didn’t seem to know what he wanted to ask.

You put a hand to your cheek and examined your fingers, nothing a small amount of blood. He hit almost exactly where you were cut, and by the feel of it you guessed that his hit reopened the wound.

“It’s fine,” you tried to reassure him. “I am sure I will be healed in no time. There is no need—” Before you could finish speaking, he’d fled from the room, but not before hurriedly asking you to stay put.

Only a short while later he returned with the maester quickly following behind him.

As the man tended to your face, you could practically see the gears turning in his head as he debated on speaking. In the end, he decided to ask the question.

“How did you manage to reopen this wound?”

Luckily for you, you’d studied the room and had your answer prepared.

You pointed to a spot on the floor where a glass of wine lay spilt. “I slipped just there. Tried to steady myself and ended up landing on my face and cutting it with one of the broken pieces.”

Because you spoke immediately and with such confidence, your lie was believed.

“Might not heal as well if it’s opened a third time. Still doesn’t need stitches, just try not to fall again, eh?” He gave you a pat on the shoulder before giving you a small jar of ointment to apply to the cut, instructing you to apply it once a day.

As soon as the man left the room, you studied Aegon. He was pacing the entire time, only stopping once the maester had left.

“Why?” He whispered.

You knew what he was asking. “I did not think it would do any good for him to know the truth. I know you didn’t mean to,” you shrugged.

He was almost in a state of shock. Here he’d just injured you, accidentally, sure, but it was still done in anger. And it wasn’t that long ago that he broke down in front of you. Despite all of that, you were still kind to him. You covered for him.

Aegon fell to his knees once again in front of a large portion of the mess he created. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly.

“My King you do not need to apologize. As I said, I know it wasn’t on purpose.”

He looked up at you, fresh tears in his eyes, and you lost count on how many times your heart broke for him. You joined him on the floor, and put what you hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t do anything right,” the first tear fell, but he didn’t bother wiping it away. “I allowed men to break in and murder my son, and this is twice now you’re hurt because of me.”

The fact that he blamed himself for it still, brought tears to your eyes as well.

“No one thinks this was your doing, and I swear to you that I don’t blame you.”

He was silent for a moment, deep in thought. “How am I meant to continue?”

His question caught you off guard. “Pardon?”

“My son is dead. Murdered, and my dear sister that claims to be the rightful heir may not have held the knife but I know she commanded the men that did. How am I supposed to to sit on the throne and continue to rule as if none of this has happened?”

“I do not think anyone expects you to act as if nothing has happened —”

Hearing that caused Aegon to laugh. “Have you met my mother? She is one of the many against me declaring war.”

“This tragedy —”

He cuts you off once again. “Tragedy? Hah! Understatement of the fucking year. And people are already speaking about my sons murder as if it’s a lesson! My grandfather, dear old Otto Hightower, wants to parade my sons body for all to see. Says it will show them the kind of Queen that Rhaenyra really is. You should’ve seen how many nodded their heads in agreement. How do I just hand him over to be stared at, as if he is no more than a piece of meat on display at the market?”

“I hate this,” you finally get a chance to speak. “Jaehaerys was the sweetest little boy I kno—knew. And I wish his death wasn’t being used in this way. A tragedy should not always be a lesson. Sometimes it should be allowed to be just that, a tragedy. I am truly sorry you are having to deal with all of this.”

Something about what you’ve said causes tears to spring to Aegon’s eyes. Perhaps it’s the way you speak so kindly of his son. He knows you genuinely loved the boy, after all. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” His quiet sobs begin as he echoes your use of those 2 words, and when you turned to face him, he practically falls into your embrace. You stop counting how many times he utters I’m sorry. In between the I’m sorry’s, he mostly said his sons name, but you heard your name as well as Helaena and Jaehaera’s.

Night turned into morning and Aegon finds himself in your arms once again. Eventually his sobs had slowed down, and he fell asleep, laying on the hard floor with his head in your lap.

As he slept, you allowed yourself to run your hands through his hair, just for a moment. Aegon let out a content sigh, finding comfort in your movements even in his sleep.

Here was this boy who was feared by many, who didn’t ever want anyone to see him as weak, and yet twice he allowed himself to cry and grieve in front of you.

At some point, you gently wake Aegon and convince him to get into bed.

As you take one last look at him before exiting his chambers, you can’t help but silently hope that the future would be a little kinder to him.

TAGLIST — @blupblupfish | @sapphirest0nes

If you’d like to be tagged in future Aegon pieces, let me know!

[anakinstwinklebunny]

MAFIA!ANAKIN HEADCANONS

TW: at some point it contains sexual content, so if you're sensitive to that or don't feel comfortable with it, please do not read for your own safety and comfort. Kinda violence, ani is a criminal, italian phrases/words (i do learn this language but if there's any mistake, im so sorry), mentions of drugs and gambling, ani with troublematic childhood, ITS VERY LONG!!

Mafia!Anakin who didn't know happiness until he met you. Yes, he had money, he had luxurious life but when you appeared in his life, you filled an empty hole in his heart

Mafia!Anakin who spoils you like crazy. You want something, you'll get it the same day, unless your behavior is out of place

Mafia!Anakin who keeps you away from most of his business for your own safety. He'd not forgive himself if something would happen to you because of him/his job

Mafia!Anakin who taught you how to use a gun so you could protect yourself when he's not around;

"No, again," his voice cut through your thoughts, firm and authoritative. Normally, Anakin was carefree in your presence, but teaching you how to use a gun was a different matter – he took it very seriously.

"What's wrong now?" you retorted, rolling your eyes in annoyance. You had been doing this for hours, with nothing but mistakes and failures, and your patience was wearing thin.

"Your grip...again," he said firmly, stepping closer behind you. He reached out to adjust your grip, his hands guiding yours. "You need a firmer grip, angel."

"I already have a firm grip," you retorted stubbornly.

He couldn't help but let out a small chuckle "Not as firm as it should be," he gently corrected "it's not a puppy you're holding in your hand, dolcezza." His hand wrapped around yours, adjusting your fingers and gripping them even tighter, forcing you to hold the gun properly. "This is what a firm grip looks like."

He pulled away, fixing his gaze on you again, searching for any mistakes. You tried your best to keep still, clutching the damn thing in your shaking hands. Generally, you didn't like such objects, but with Anakin, it was slightly easier. You knew he was doing this out of concern for your well-being.

"Your feet are too close together." He observed, moving in closer. "Having such a small base gives you less balance, which you don't want. You need a steady position in situations like these, angel. Otherwise, things can go very wrong."

He gently pushed his knee between your legs, widening your stance. You involuntarily stirred a little at his action, but he continued "You need to be sturdy, firm. But at the same time, flexible"

"You don't stand like that when you use a gun," you pointed out

he chuckled again, his breath warm against the back of your neck. "That's because I've been holding one ever since I was a kid, angel. You're just learning, sweetheart. You need to learn the proper stance first. We'll get to my type of stance when you have the basics nailed down."

He gently adjusted your stance, his hands steady on your hips. "Keep your feet hip-width apart, and relax your shoulders. It's all about balance and control."

Mafia!Anakin who's obviously possessive over his treasure, his pretty angel. If any man dared to look at you in a way that made you uncomfortable or made anakin question the man's behavior, anakin would make sure he would never look at you again

Mafia!Anakin who takes you to casinos which are filled with rich guys and lavishly dressed women. The place where crimes begin. He'd most of the time let you sit on his lap while he plays gambling, asking for your favorite number for his own luck

Mafia!Anakin who makes sure everyone knows that you're his and only his. Multiple marks on your neck from his lips, his hand on your waist and much more was just basics to publicly claim you

Mafia!Anakin who speaks to you in change between Italian and english, often calling you tesoro, dolcezza but also angel, baby, sweetheart

Mafia! Anakin who finds you and his close friends that he works with as his only family

Mafia!Anakin who shows you the world; takes you to different places in other countries for vacation

Mafia!Anakin who's absolutely in love with your reactions to his gifts for you; your wide smile, your sparkling with excitement eyes, your endless 'thank you' between your kisses

Mafia!Anakin who keeps you away from any drugs his friends bring since he wants to keep you away from such things

Mafia!Anakin who would throw himself on train for you. Who would take a bullet for you if he'd have to, if it meant to keep you safe and happy. Who would do anything you want. Even deprive someone of their life, since he did much worse things

Mafia!Anakin who has a habit of using new things on your delicate body;

you both laid in his king-sized bed as he worshipped your body with his plush, pink lips, gently pressing kisses against your stomach. Between his slim fingers he held the tweezers to occasionally add more radiant diamonds inside your belly button

"I love using them on you. You're just so hot," he murmured against your skin

"So irresistible," he continued with a huskier tone "Such a pretty girl..so beautiful..so gorgeous."

He moved his lips to yours, gently brushing them against each other "You would never leave me, would you?"

You shook your head defiantly, locking your gaze with his blue eyes that you could so easily drown in

"Good girl"

Mafia!Anakin who would never dare himself to treat you like he treats others. You're his favorite girl, his pretty angel and he'd be damned if he even dared himself to adress to you with such coldness or disrespect

Mafia!Anakin who loves the sound of your voice. You could just talk about nonsense, or about the book you've been reading and he'd be completely mesmerized by the sweet, gentle sound of it

Mafia!Anakin who finds you as his only source of comfort. After a rough day all he'll do is clinging to you, burying his face in the crook of your neck, savouring your scent. In your presence he could easily calm down, easily forget about the earlier events, at least for some time.

Mafia!Anakin who has a heart of ice but for you he'd burn the world

Mafia!Anakin who killed a man with the nearest object he could find (a book) just because he dared himself to touch you

Mafia!Anakin who hates to argue with you but when it happens, it always ends in the bed with rough love making

Mafia!Anakin who made love to you in every room, every small or bigger place in your shared penthouse

Mafia!Anakin who sometimes, if you're okay with it or insist yourself, takes out his frustration and indignation on you in bed;

"they're just so stupid" he growled in anger and annoyance, letting it all pour on his rough thrust "They can't do one thing correctly.. I swear to god if they mess up another goddamn thing, I'm going to kill them all. Every. Single. One of them"

"they're so useless. So pathetic." he leaned to kiss your neck "They can't do anything right, can't follow a single simple order to save their lives"

Each thrust in and out seemed to go even deeper, hitting this sweet spot that made you see those delightful stars as moans slipped through your mouth. Your eyes kept fighting to stay open, to see this desperate, awfully beautiful expression on his face. This sweaty curls, all messy and getting to his sharp blue eyes, this clenched jaw, his muscles that ripped and were, especially now, looking more defined and flexible than earlier. Gosh, the sight was enough to bring you over the edge

His eyes turned more soft, his own thrusts becoming more gentle. He was proud of himself, making a complete mess out of you and every time he loved to see you like this. All breathless and with marks all over your skin

"But at least I have you to help me release all this pent up anger.. you're so good at it, tesoro. So good for me...Only you can undo me, angioletto" he whispered, his breath growing ragged with each movement of his hips. "Only you can save me from my anger"

Mafia! Anakin who is a switch; yes, he can be a dominant one but he can easily turn into a submissive boy from only you being on top of him;

"Ani..it's so big.." you mewl, trying to adjust to his size in a new position

your words made him let out a low, pleased moan. He couldn't leave his pretty girl all helpless now, could he? His hands roamed towards your hips to help you move on his lenght "You flatter me, principessa" he groaned "Feels too big for you, does it? Too much?"

As much as his words could be true, you didn't want to admit it. You didn't want to stop it "mh--no..just.. perfect" with his help you lifted and slammed down on his cock

Your actions caused him to throw his head back and dig his long fingers to your soft flesh

"you feel so good..." he mumbled. Seeing you accustom to his size, he moved his hands through your body, feeling the need to squeeze, grope and touch every spot

"Dio, you're gonna be the death of me..." He whispered, driving himself deeper into you to feel more friction

Feeling his member pulsing against your walls only gave you another reason to tease him more, to bring him over the edge in the most pleasant way (for you)

"Oh gods..." he mumbled, his teeth gritted as he felt you increasing your movements "You're gonna...drive me... insane, c-cazzo.."

"you're gonna be a good boy and fill me up?" you moaned, watching his screaming in pleasure face

A shiver run down his body after he had heard your breathless words. There was something about seeing you turn from a sweet girl to a taking charge woman that absolutely turned him on more than he would like to admit

"Y-yeah.." he panted, his eyes opening to fix on her face, "I'll be a good boy for you, I'll fill you up... I'll do anything you say... anything to please you, bella"

Mafia!Anakin who goes absolutely crazy when you surprise him with new lingeries, costumes for cosplays; it all drove him insane

Mafia!Anakin who gives you the experience of three times in a row (making you finish for the three times);

his lips gently pressed against your neck, going up to whisper words in your ear "You tell me if you need to stop. You're so tired, I don't want to go too far and hurt you, ok?"

And you, all weary and sensitive after all what happened, could only nod in response. When his lips were going down your body, to your specific spot, your hand went down to grab at his curls, tugging on some strands around your fingers as he finally wrapped his lips around your clit-all with his eyes on yours

"You'll be walking with a limp tomorrow, mio piccolo coniglio" he mumbled between your flesh

Even if you were already tired, the shockwaves of pleasure went through your body, causing your moans to get louder

"Ani.." you whined breathlessly

The sound of his name leaving your lips made his entire body shudder. He loved the way you'd moan, whine and cry out his name. It was like a drug to him, and he craved it, craved the way you sounded and the way you tasted "Gods I love you" he breathed against your core

"the dearest god..." you moaned as his tongue lapped at your folds, making you arch your back

"You taste so good, sweetheart..can't have enough of you, never can.." he speeded his movements which was enough to make you scream

Mafia!Anakin who often talks to you about his traumatic childhood which obviously made a huge impact on his future

Mafia!Anakin who's basically a criminal; wouldn't hesitate to kill someone if that person was in his way

Mafia!Anakin who finds comforting in teaching you Italian. Just loves hearing you speak that language, even if you may suck at it

I've never really thanked you guys for being here, with me. For all your support, for all the lovely sweet comments. For reaching out to me in my inbox/dms..thank you for 301 followers! Really, love all of you with all my heart. Sending big hugs and kisses!

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @ysrjune @divineani @erosmutt @emmaloo21 @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @fuckmyskywalker

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

[luckykiwiii101]

My success stories that made me realize how truly easy it is.

I manifested knowing a test on the same day. It was a math test (my worst class😭) I skipped all the lessons for the test and didn’t study at all. I visualized getting the test and saying “is this even the right test??? It’s so easy wtf” and imagined getting an 80% (I didn’t go for 100% cuz I still doubted myself at that time) Spoiler alert, the test was SO easy that I finished 40 minutes before anybody else LMAO and I got EXACTLY 80% Also, I did all that in the same day, RIGHT BEFORE I WALKED IN THE CLASS. Literally as I sat down I realized I knew all the material… LIKE WHAT. After that I realized I shifted without even knowing lol.

I also got a pizza on a time crunch. I see other people saying to not focus on when you’ll get your manifestations, but I didn’t care cuz I call the shots. At the end of the day I KNEW I already had it in the 4d. I got the pizza on the exact day I wanted it ofc (in 2 days)

This last one was alot easier to manifest than I thought lol. I manifested a black 1TB iphone 16 pro. This one took longer in the 3d cuz I assumed it needed to🤦 anyway, my mom just randomly said she wanted to buy me one (it wasn’t for Christmas or my birthday) when we got there the guy told us they didn’t have any black 1TB ones. I was saying things like “oh ok that’s fine” but internally I was saying “nah I have it, period.” Fast forward, my mom ordered one online and surprised me with it. Now I’m typing this with my new iphone!

If anyone could take something from this its that you’re deadass limitless. I heard that over and over again but never truly realized it. Before, I assumed shifting was hard, I assumed I couldn’t manifest something on a set time, and I assumed I couldn’t manifest getting something if someone in the 3d full on told me no. I got tired of it (so should you) so I stopped listening to the outer man and became my 4d where there is nothing holding you back. I proved to myself that I could bend the 3d, but first I had to believe in myself. I know that sounds cliche but there is no other being that gives it to you. Have faith in yourself, you are GOD

Im off to manifest my dream life now!

I’m so happy for you!!♥️ Can’t wait to hear more success stories from you!!

[he-needs-enrichment]

Expedition 33 post game thoughts

since none of my friends have played the game except for one person currently playing, i need to write down some thoughts if only so i can come back to this later (if anyone finds them interesting that's a bonus). They're gonna be very disjointed.

Also if you haven't finished the game do yourself a favor and don't read this until you did.

Spending the prologue getting to know everyone and setting up the expedition, just for them to instantly die in the first seconds of Act 1 set the tone for the game amazingly. I feel like a huge part of this games message is how death simply happens, and there is no grand plan or justice about it. All those people you just know have had complex lives and relationships gone in an instant.

This made the end of act 1 really click for me, no matter how devastated and sad i was. It made so much sense to me, life isn't fair and death isn't either.

With the power of hindsight, the symbolism behind Verso coming in as a replacement for Gustave is heartbreaking. A sad broken man, expected to fill the shoes of a beloved, kind man he never knew and never was, constantly compared to him by us, the players the same way he is thought of as a bad replacement by of painter!verso by characters in the narrative. The parallels between Gustave and painter!verso in general break my heart.

The way Verso longs for connection, yet works to kill everyone and everything he's cared about so he can finally die. Every time he spends time with the members of expedition 33, he knows he just makes everything more painful for himself, yet he can't help himself, he wants them to feel better, he literally cuts himself in half just to make them smile.

At the same time it's heartbreaking to see how he keeps breaking everyone's trust, no matter how many times they forgive him and how much he tries. I see a metaphor for how trying to avoid conflict by always being agreeable and failing to communicate your desires and needs always ends to hurting both yourself and everyone around you.

Good god did the older brother who loves their youngest sibling more than the world hit me hard. I never see myself as a heroic person, in fact i don't think i could be brave in most situations, but i truly believe I'd let the world end before giving them up.

Speaking of family, painter!renoire is the first fictional depiction of a father doing things "for the family" at any cost that wasn't deeply triggering and uncomfortable for me. He truly loved everyone, and i think he was right in what he did.

The concept of the gommage and the duality of the known, predictable death and the unpredictable sudden death. Both have their own horrors, and neither make it easier. I try to not think much about it, but just knowing that golden retrievers usually don't live much past 10-12 years fills me with dread and makes me cry sometimes, and i don't think I'll ever be prepared (and now I'm crying). At the same time it reminds me that at any point in time, anyone could just stop existing.

There's so much to say about escaping into worlds of Fantasy. Be it books, artistic endeavors or playing video games, clair obscur is a stark reminder of the danger of losing your real time and connections when trying to get away from the world. At the same time, it shows the potential for beauty - kid verso and clea made this vibrant and amazing universe that gave them so much, its only when this universe became escapism to their grieving mother when things went bad.

Im not sure I'll be able to/want to ever replay the game, after seeing the ending. We as players are as much painters as the in universe equivalents. It doesn't feel right to put them all though suffering because we can't let things go.

I got much more to say, but I'll end on a note about the endings.

Sciel and Lune's reactions in Versos ending broke my heart. There's no happy ending in any case. But i still believe it's the right ending, because there's hope for a better tomorrow. Verso is right. Maelle!Alicia could repaint things later, as a more mature and grown person. everyone in the canvas at this point is a repainted by her already. But she needs to live, to grow as a person, and verso deserves to rest. She can't let him go on her own, repeating what her mother did, putting him and the world though the same grief.

The Maelle ending feels straight out of a horror movie. Others have pointed it out before, but the vibrant colorful world is replaced by black and white. The people lost their individuality, and how couldn't they? Maelle didn't know them. Even the people she knew can't be like they were before, because maelle in this version can not accept inperfections. She became a puppeteer, and Verso, who has been trying to get just a tiny bit of freedom his entire life, is just a performer on a stage for her now. He knows it. He hates it. And there is nothing he can do about him. What is horrifying to me and illustrates this disregard for him as a person as opposed to a role for him to fill as her happy brother is that he seems to not have his scar anymore - the one thing he said he kept to show his individuality, his ability to choose for himself.

idk if anyone will read this but if you did, thanks, comments are welcome.

[aerequets]

what are your thoughts on the use of ai when it comes to art? i never really liked, but a friend of mine views it as a neutral technological advancement (like smartphones) that can be used for different things. they kinda framed it how like originally a lot of people hated digital art bc it wasnt the same as traditional art, but ai has the advantage of allowing disabled artists to create art. i still don't like it bc it puts artists out of jobs, but i cant think of a way around it that would be viable and wouldn't legitimize copyright laws for big corporations.

i just don't understand using ai for art. i think realistically there is no getting rid of ai, it is a part of the future whether you like it or not, but it should be used to supplement your work + make your work life easier so you have time to do the human things... such as making art, music, poetry, writing, whatever. like if you are using ai to make art, saving all that time that goes into learning and making the art, what is that time you saved being spent on? What are you making time for by using ai?

as for the digital art argument, that isn't remotely the same thing because digital art still requires traditional skills. like using a computer will not magically improve your art, you can undo and redo and lasso stuff but it will not make anything that you are not capable of making.

and for the disabled argument. thats bullshit. i can't properly argue why but im sure someone else can. i dont know, it feels like spitting in someone's face to say that they are incapable of making art because they are disabled and that they can only now do so because of ai, but maybe that's just me and my third person perspective.

Anyways this is a very nuanced argument, lots of online discourse around it which I haven't even skimmed if I'm being totally honest, these are just my thoughts point blank. a big issue right now is that AI is this shiny new thing and it's growing so fast while there are no proper laws for it yet, so it's like this no man's land and you have people doing insane things like manipulating people's voices for scams and creating fake adult content. The laws will have to come later, but the sensibility has to come now (or like yesterday).

[the-wine-bottle]

True suffering is realizing that my friend never finished the svsss extras and never got to Shen Jiu's chapter so she doesn't know all his lore and based majority of it off of what she knew of from the previous novels and spoilers and now I CANT EVEN ARGUE PEOPERLY BC IF I NEVER FINISHED THE EXTRAS I WOULDNT LIKE HIM EITHER! IM NOT EVEN SURE IF I LIKE HIM NOW! His character is so complex, complicated, and sad. She thought he was a predator. SHEN JIU???? A PREDATOR???? NEVER IN MY LIFE!!!!! The man who's afraid of men. The greatest misandrist of them all. The most misunderstood, convoluted, horrible yet endearing at the same time, went through a shit ton of trauma but continued the trauma cycle instead of breaking out, my dear Shen Jiu, they could never make me form a proper opinion on you 🙃.

(She made me think I was tripping for a second when I said he was the greatest women defender of all time, bc she responded incredulous and asked if maybe I was confusing his character with fanfiction-)

(Shes gonna read this and think I'm being over dramatic

This was my argument:

"Wait I still wanna clear things up about Shen Jiu even if you hate him

1- He never liked children, like EVER, he just hated everyone but women

2-he had a LOT of respect for women, especially those that worked within the brothel since he knew how hard it could be, he goes there to be comforted by his Shijie's since its the one place he feels safe and he uses it to gather info

3- he never killed Liu Qingge everyone just assumed he did and he didn't fight back since he thought there was no way they would belive him

4- he has major league trust issues, he never tries to stop any of the rumors about him since he thinks no one would listen to him bc the one person he trusted (yqy) left him

5-Yqy never got the chance to tell him why he didn't come back so Shen Jiu just assumes he abandoned him

6-him and Yqy were confirmed soulmates that could never get together 😑

7- He hated Luo Binghe because he has everything he didn't, a mother, a good foundation, potential and all that, what really did it is Qiu Jiunluo's nickname, A-Luo. What did Ning Yingying call Binghe? A-Luo. Keep in mind Qiu Jiuluo was Shen Jiu's sexual and physical abuser, so Shen Jiu got MAJOR ptsd, which does not excuse his actions mind you but it makes him more like reasonable??? Yk what I mean"

"Bc he DID continue the cycle of abuse but when you know what he went through its easier to sympathize, the thing about him is HE doesn't consider it abuse, since the worst part of abuse for him was the sexual part, so he feels like he's not truely punishing Binghe as long as he doesn't do that"

Ignore how incoherent it is. Some of it was said in the heat of the moment so don't be surprised by typos or anything. This is not important but it matters to me... a LOT. Also I do apologize if some information is false, as I said some things were said in the heat of the moments and I can get confused between fiction and different versions of that piece of fiction, especially when I'm in an argument and I'm typing in rapid fire bursts 🙏🏻.

[loverstrings]

A warm night in Wakanda - Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

At the end credits of Civil War, where Bucky gets offered rehabilitation in Wakanda. Y/N decides to tag along—not just to keep Steve company, but out of curiosity about Wakandan culture… and maybe a little curiosity about Bucky, too. She never realized peace like this could exist for people like her and Bucky.

a.n - I PROMISE IM ALIVE!!! I've been packed with work and my summer classes atm so project spindle updates will be a little slow this week, so take this little drabble :3

| can be read as a standalone or apart of project spindle |

The sun was setting, a wash of gold spilling across the treetops as silence settled over the outer edges of the compound. The air buzzed faintly with the hum of distant tech and the rustle of leaves stirred by the breeze—but down by the water, it was quiet.

Y/N sat cross-legged on a flat rock, tracing a smooth stone across her knuckles like a nervous habit. She didn’t look up when she heard footsteps behind her—didn’t need to.

“You’re late,” she said, voice soft but teasing.

“Sorry,” Steve replied, stepping up beside her. “He wanted some air. They’re still getting everything ready.”

Y/N finally glanced over—and there he was.

Bucky Barnes.

The infamous Winter Soldier. The ghost in the machine. Steve’s best friend.

And, for a long time, just a name in a classified file. One she’d seen back when she was still running missions for Strucker. Before Sokovia. Before Wanda and Pietro had thrown in with Ultron. They’d tried to find her back then. The twins had come looking, eyes wide with fury, asking why she wasn’t standing with them.

But Y/N had already made her decision. “I’m done,” she’d told them.

And when that wasn’t enough, when she saw the betrayal starting to bloom behind Wanda’s eyes, she’d used her power—just once more. A swirl of nightmare-fog, soft as sleep, sharp as sorrow. By the time it cleared, they’d forgotten she was ever there.

Steve found her months. Hiding in the skeleton of a crumbling outpost, eating canned beans cold. He offered her a blanket, and a second chance.

They’d fought side-by-side ever since.

Now, she saw the man who’d nearly torn the world in half—haunted and cautious as he lingered behind Steve, arms crossed, body still like a coiled spring. But his eyes weren’t cold. They were… tired.

“Hey,” she said simply, nodding once.

Bucky didn’t speak right away. He just looked at her, brow slightly furrowed, like he was trying to place her.

“You’re the one with the pink magic,” he said at last.

She smirked. “You’re the one with the metal arm.” A flicker of guilt tugged at her smile. “I mean—were. Sorry.”

Then, like a flicker of something long dormant, Bucky’s lips twitched—just barely. “It’s fine. I’ll grow a new one.”

Steve stepped away without a word, letting the moment settle between them.

Y/N patted the stone beside her. “You can sit. I won’t bite.”

Bucky hesitated… then slowly lowered himself beside her, posture stiff.

The silence felt loud, so Y/N leaned back on her hands, tipping her head toward the sky. “Y’know, when I first got pulled into all this… I don’t really remember much. Just… pieces. Flashes. I knew I was being used, but I didn’t know how to stop it. Didn’t know how to live without someone barking orders at me.”

Bucky let out a breath that wasn’t quite a laugh. “Yeah. I know the feeling.”

She turned her head to watch him. “Steve ever tell you how he found me?”

“He said you left Strucker before things fell apart. That he and Nat tracked you down. Gave you a shot.”

Y/N nodded. “I wasn’t ready to be saved. Thought the only way to stop hurting people was to disappear. Steve didn’t buy it. Kept showing up, talking like I was more than what I’d done.” Her voice softened. “Eventually, I started believing him.”

Bucky looked down at the running water. “Guess he’s doing the same for me.”

“Shows he has a type.”

That earned a quiet huff of laughter.

The silence stretched again—this time, easier. The kind that says I see you, without needing to explain it.

“You stayed with Steve during the airport fight,” Bucky said, his voice low.

“Course I did,” she said, tossing the stone into the river. “He gave me a second chance. Figured I’d return the favor.”

He looked back at the water.

They sat like that for a long while. No grand speeches. No apologies. Just quiet understanding.

The sun dipped below the horizon. The first stars appeared.

And for the first time in a long, long while, Bucky didn’t feel like a weapon.

He felt… almost human. And sitting next to Y/N, he wasn’t so sure that was a bad thing.

[miyako-jonathan-asgore-simp]

I'm tired of trans "representation".

every time there is a show, trans rep = trans woman.

Never trans man or transmasc.

Even rarer non-binary, who are fem-presenting most of the time. media presents afab non binary people more than amab non binary people, because they think that being NB is just being "Woman lite" (it's a running joke in the transphobe community)

Always trans fem who are pretty

Never middle transition fem Like...HELLO, "UGLY" TRANS PEOPLE EXIST OKAY? AND WE HAVE VARIOUS WAYS OF DRESSING! Yet everyone makes us be always the generic ones!

But the FEMS are everywhere

Not their fault (I think) but they get much more rep and resources and luck to transition than transmasc

Estrogen easy to get (they think cis women want preg)

Testosterone takes a huge annoying work (cis males fault for using it irregularly)

"Getting mtf hrt legally is 10 times easier than getting ftm hrt in a legal way. Even when getting it in a legit way is still harder. It's like they're trying so hard to keep women" - my friend

To a point many transmasc look "too afeminated" to even get a rep

Always tagged as "masculine woman"

Both transmascs and transfems suffer, but one suffers with the suffering more seen than the other

And then we get invalidated by those annoying transfems who say "we suffer more than you" (Yes i saw that one post)

We both suffer the same things, bitch. But at least you're lucky media likes you more than me.

im not saying "fuck you all" to the transfems im just saying "hey we ALSO matter! Not just you, we are even more erased than you!" PLEASE SEE US! WE EXIST! TRANSMASCS ALSO SUFFER! NONBINARIES WHO ARE MORE IN THE AGENDER OR MASC AREA OF THE SPECTRUM ALSO SUFFER! (Addittions below for those who want to assume things)

i think some people missed the point completely. No, this post intent's wasn't to put transmascs and nonbinaries against trasfems. I absolutely believe we both have struggles. About the estrogen part, it's easier in a way because you can just pay for it and get it, like...not with a doc's recommendation. It's not a good thing to do but at least some do due really high dysphoria while for people wgo want testosterone, even if we try to buy it normally we can't because of stupid CIS men who used it irregularly to build muscled.

Imma repeat this once again: We all suffer.

Transfems suffer from hypervisibility

Transmascs suffer from hyper invisibility

Nonbinaries suffer forom much more hyper invisibility than transmascs, and when represented, most of the time they are creatures or AFAB/CAFAB without personality.

I get it, most representation media tries to make is shitty but at least there is some representation??? Better than nothing! And I'm not saying we shouldn't complain at shitty representation, but look into a general area of it.

Also another thing I completely forgot to point out, is how intersexual people, too, suffer from hyperinvisibility. Like much more than transmascs and nonbinaries, they're so erased i accidentally forgot to mention them. They're not necessarily in the trans community (?)(correct me if I'm wrong I am open to constructive criticism) but they also deserve to be mentioned here.

The queer community as a whole is a minority, and my point is: let's not make the less common groups be a excluded minority inside another minority. Diversity is important and representation too!

[81emily71]

man i love these homos. also this was written february last year, please don’t judge im SO not bothered to rewrite it lmao. anyway, as per, fic under the cut!

warnings: idiots in love, first kiss, love confessions, implied bdsm, attempt at comedy

wc: 1,473

description: McLaren employees have to do their CPR and First Aid course once a year. Normally drivers do it with their trainers, but what happens when they do it together in a big group?

First Aid +

Once a year, most McLaren employees - especially drivers - had to undergo First Aid and CPR training in case of an emergency, and the medical team couldn’t come. Usually, Mclaren drivers did it with their trainers who were also certified instructors and never in big group settings; it was normally easier. However, this year McLaren decided to do it with their drivers in one big group with other garage-based employees. It was held in the MTC in between Baku and Singapore, disrupting Landos plans to fly with Max from one race to another, but that was ok.

Oscar arrived at the training a few minutes late, apparently from oversleeping; Lando, however, was nearly half an hour late. It was unclear as to why. The course had to be done while everyone was present unless taking a day off work, so it was delayed said half an hour, severely inconveniencing Oscar’s dinner plans with his mum.

The first thing they had to remember was the acronyms DRSABCD, COWS, and RICER. It seemed simple enough to the both of them, having done it many times in their careers. By instruction of the trainer, they had to pair off to demonstrate the ‘R’ of DRSABCD - Response by using the other acronym, COWS. WIth Lando and Oscar paired together, Oscar lied down on the ground pretending to be unconscious as Lando circled him, still looking for any dangers (the first ‘D’ of the same acronym).

“Can you hear me?” Lando asked, getting no reply.

“Open your eyes.” Again to no reply.

“What’s your name?” Silence followed.

“Squeeze my hands.” There would be nothing wrong with the notion of Lando holding Oscar’s hands in a scenario like this, but the older had decided that it would be a great idea to perch himself on the younger’s lap, literally straddling him. That was not ok. He was then balling a half-stiffie while the Brit was still on his lap, definitely able to feel it, but neither said anything about it.

After Lando climbed off and they completed section 1 of the course, they moved on promptly to head and spinal injuries. At random, Oscar was chosen to lie on the spinal board as a demonstration, and to make matters worse, his half-hard had not been willed away. The instructor, however, decided to make this the perfect opportunity to enlighten everyone in the room that in the event of a spinal injury, a man can become hard and not be aroused, simultaneously alerting everyone that Oscar was bricked. This day could not get any worse for him.

After the neck and spinal section, they moved on to slings and splints. Nothing bad could happen with this one right? *Loud incorrect buzzer* WRONG. They had to get with their old partners again and copy the demonstration given, starting with a shoulder sling. As Oscar wrapped the sling around Landos neck, giving him next to no room to move as instructed, the Brit decided to whisper:

“Do it as tight as you like, baby.” He froze, What the fuck??? Who just says that??? Was the only comprehensible thing going through the Aussie’s mind at the time.

When his mind finally registered what the hell had just happened, he had around 2 seconds to finish the sling before someone noticed that he was taking too long.

Then Lando’s turn for the sling came. While having the next way to tie a sling was being demonstrated, the younger saw Lando (presumably) fidgeting with the rolled up sling from the corner of his eye, when all of a sudden his hands were yanked away from him. Confused as to what was going on, Oscar whipped his head around to see what the older had been entertaining himself with. This has to be a joke. Genuinely cut the cameras, cause what the hell. Lando had made handcuffs. Handcuffs out of a sling and put Oscar’s hands in them, rendering him immobile until when if Lando was to let him free. Thankfully, he did when the sling was to be used again.

Interlinking in with the splints was section 3 - venomous bites, as if you were to be bitten by a venomous snake or spider on the foot, your other leg would act as a splint if one was unavailable. However, this meant another opportunity for Lando to turn this first aid course into some rope bunny/rigger type BDSM.

While the curlyhead was lying in the ground with a PIT bandage on his leg, Oscar was strapping one leg to the other with some rigid fabric (likely the sling again, but he wasn’t quite sure). The taller boy was doing it quite loose as this was just a training exercise, and it was unnecessary to go too harsh when the other whispered in a voice so low only they could hear:

“Come on baby, tighter,” and put a hand in his unruly locks, toying with the hairs on the back of his neck. This sent a chill down his spine and to his nearly fully hard dick. Well, fuck.

When they finally finished the partner work for severe injuries, it was time for commonly-found medical issues, such as allergies, diabetes and asthma. They started promptly with allergies and injecting an epi pen into someone’s thigh. They were given a training version without the needle and were instructed on the steps to follow when administering an epi.

Just when Oscar thought this was the only section clear of something out of the ordinary, Lando leaned over and whispered in his ear mid-exercise: “I don’t have any allergies, but you could stab me anytime, darling.” Someone really needs to murder Oscar before he does it to himself, he swears to god, because this shit cannot be made up.

After this section they were (thankfully) given a 30 minute lunch break, where Oscar whisked Lando away from the long-awaited canteen line and into an empty meeting room.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” Oscar led with, visibly annoyed.

“Whatever do you mean, Osco?” He replied, acting all innocent.

“You know exactly what I mean, you little brat. You just just do or say things like that in a work setting!”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

Oscar surged forward and kissed Lando, suddenly. As their lips moved as one, the younger managed to tangle his hands into the curly locks of the other’s baby mullet. Lando’s head dipped to the side as his mouth opened, allowing more room for Oscar to kiss him when he stepped back to reach the table. Their lips parted for a moment of air before continuing with their previous endeavours as Oscar’s hands left the older man’s hair to hoist him onto the meeting table. The Aussie leant forward to place a hand behind the Vrit and the other on his thigh, stabling them both as they kissed with all the pent up emotions they’d had for the last few months. When they broke apart, their chests heavily rose and fell when Lando broke the silence.

“If I knew all I had to do was tease you, I would’ve done it back in Austin ‘23,” He let out a cute little giggle at the end.

“If you said something, I would've been yours in Miami, mate.”

“You did not just call me mate after we just had a very heated make-out session in a work meeting room, you douche.”

“Sorry, would you prefer Lan, or Sweetie?”

“Yes, actually. Yes I would.”

“Duly noted. But just before you say anything, I don’t want this to be casual. At all. Because I really love you and I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“Jesus, I’m not that much of an idiot. Of course this isn’t casual, I love you too, and I would very much like to be your boyfriend, Osc.”

“Thank god. But now, let's get some food, I can bet we’re both hungry, and we’ll talk more tonight, I swear.” Oscar proclaimed as he fixed his appearance in the reflection of the meeting room windows, then Lando’s so it wasn’t obvious they’d just been kissing.

“Yippee, you're paying, by the way.”

“At this point when do I not?” For that comment, the younger received a pinch on the arm as they made their way back to civilisation.

Thankfully, there was only one section left for the course: uncommon conditions. That was fairly simple; just look for any dog tags or bracelets, no big deal. This, however, caused the worst one-liner Oscar’s ever heard. “Wanna test my circulation? I’m sure the blood’s going to all the right places.”

Shockingly this was the only thing that really caught any attention, because Oscar let out a howl of laughter at his stupid boyfriend. But Lando was his, and that's all that mattered

[frombloodandfire]

Indigo

“I used to shine bright like gold, now I’m all indigo.”

A woman who tries to escape her past with no hope for the future, ends up on an unknown place playing childhood games to win. A man from her past happens to be there for the exact same reason. Will they escape their haunted pasts? Or they will end up dying in vain?

Just a pilot first chapter to see if you all like this series! It will be an oc x Cho Sang Woo, but I will try to not use her name much either (im avoiding y/n so I’m keeping it simple). Also English is my second language so forgive me for any mistakes and please correct me! Some things are left unknown for later chapters. <3

Warnings: blood, depression, heavy language etc.

She woke to the soft sound of rain tapping against the window. The night had been rough, and the day promised to be no easier. She was already late for a job interview, probably another one she'd never hear back from, just like all the others.

The phone rang, pulling her from her thoughts. She scrambled across the tiny room, pulling on her clothes as she went.

Who could it be at this hour?

"Can we talk?" came the voice on the other end, low and urgent.

"I'm late for something," she replied, trying to rush through the words.

"Meet me at seven tonight," the man said, cutting her off. "I finish work early."

Before she could respond, he hung up. Not that she wanted to, but she knew she’d go. But why would he want to meet on a random Thursday evening?

The interview had been a brief glimmer of hope "We’ll call you in the next few days.”they said to her. The school was only twenty minutes away from her apartment, a dream job. Maybe this was the universe’s way of throwing her a bone.

The rain had stopped by the time she arrived at the metro station, and she smiled, because maybe it was her lucky day finally after so many years. But as she waited for the next train, a tall man in a business suit, carrying a small case, approached her. She ignored him at first, assuming he'd ask for money or try to sell something, but then he spoke.

"Ma’am."

She glanced up, annoyed, then quickly turned away. She didn’t have time for this.

“Sorry, I’m busy…” she muttered, standing up and moving toward an empty seat.

But the man followed her. “I’d like to offer you a great opportunity.”

She paused, narrowing her eyes. "A great opportunity?" she repeated, confused. What was this some sort of scam? Was he a cult recruiter? Either way, she wasn’t interested.

“Want to play a game?” he asked, his voice smooth.

“A game?” She raised an eyebrow. What was he talking about?

Without waiting for her response, the man pulled out two small pieces of paper, one red, the other blue.

“I'm sure you've played ddakji before, right?”

She shook her head. "Not really..."

"It's simple," he explained, handing her the papers. "Try to flip the one on the ground, and you win."

“What do I win?” she asked skeptically.

He ignored her question entirely. "Pick a color."

Reluctantly, she chose the red paper, placing it on the ground and attempting to flip the blue one. It didn’t move.

"Yeah, not gonna happen..." she muttered, a bit embarrassed. The man, without a word, picked up the blue paper and flicked it with ease. It spun perfectly, landing on its edge.

“You have to pay now," he said.

“Pay? What do you mean, I have to pay?” Her heart skipped a beat.

She had a sinking feeling she was being played.

“How about you pay... with your body?”

“Wh—?” Before she could react, he slapped her hard. The force of the blow almost made her stumble, but she managed to steady herself. Rage bubbled up inside her.

“What the hell? That’s it. I’ve had enough.”

Without thinking, she grabbed the red paper, anger fueling her strength. To her surprise, it hit the blue one and it flicked.

“Ha! Take that!” she shouted, feeling a rush of triumph. “So, what do I win? I get to slap you back?” She was now laughing.

The man laughed, unfazed. Then, to her shock, he pulled out a stack of cash 100,000 won and handed it to her with a smile.

“Congratulations. You were great for a beginner!”

She froze, staring at the money. There was no way this was real. A stranger had just handed her cash for a childish game.

“Take this. There are other games you can make much more.” he said, before giving her a small card. It was marked with a triangle, a square, and a circle. When she flipped it over, a number was scribbled on the back.

What the hell? Should I call this? What does it mean?

By the time the evening arrived, she was standing outside his apartment, exactly at 7:00 PM. Three minutes passed. Then five. She hesitated, unsure if she should have come. Maybe she should’ve just gone home.

"Lyanna!" a voice called from the door.

She turned to see him rushing toward her, a sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry for the wait. Let’s get inside. My mom’s not home."

It had been so long since they'd seen each other.

“It’s been a while, Jun Ho. How are you?”

He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hard time at work, but... I’m doing okay. What about you? Did you find any job?”

“I can’t say things are great,” she admitted, feeling a lump rise in her throat. “But... I got a job. They accepted me today.”

He laughed, a sound full of relief. “Ah, finally. After all this time... That’s great news. What about the debt? Will you stay in Seoul now that you got the job?”

She hesitated. “The debt... it’s still there,” she said quietly, looking down at the floor. "But, yeah, I’ll stay in Seoul for now. Until I can make enough to get out of here.”

He studied her with concern. The silence that followed was heavy.

“I don’t know why you called, Jun Ho,” she said, breaking the stillness. “Maybe it’s better to forget the past.”

He reached for her arm, his grip tight. "I can’t. I need to find him, Lyanna. You’re my last hope. You’re the only one who can help me."

Her heart tightened. She wanted to help him, but the past... it was too much to carry. "I can’t help you, Jun Ho," she whispered. "I���m just trying to rebuild my own life. I want to find him too for my friend’s sake... but—"

“She would help if it was to find your husband.”

At the mention of her old best friend, a cold shiver ran down her spine. She thought about her every day, ever since she’d passed. The woman had been everything to her.

“This hurts still, you know? Even after all the years…” She said, her voice trembling. “Maybe one day we’ll find him. But I can’t right now, Jun Ho. I’m not in a place to help you. Not when I can’t even help myself.”

She stood up, her hands shaking slightly. “Give my best to your mother,” she said, turning toward the door. But then she stopped, looked him in the eye one last time. “Thank you for calling. I missed you. And I’m glad you’re doing well.”

“Wait!” Jun Ho called, rushing to her. He bent down, picking something off the floor. “You dropped this.”

Shit. The card. She’d dropped it without realizing.

“Oh no. Thank you! I’m such an idiot…” She smiled, forcing herself to laugh. “Stay safe, okay?”

With that, she stepped out the door, her heart heavy with uncertainty as she walked home.

If you wish to participate, please state your name and birthdate.

Lyanna Collet, 1986.

A/n: let me know if you are interested!! It would help me to express your opinion ❤️

[nikamuhlsrealwife777]

ONG YES OKAY PERFECT (AND I KNOW IM HOPING TO GO GET IT FIXED BECAUSE THIS IS CRAZY LOL)

MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT HOW SHES FEELING AFTER THE 1V1 BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATED HER AND YET SHE BEAT EVERY VET SHE CAME ACROSS BY A LOT AND EVEN THO SHE WAS RUNNER UP SHES STILL HAPPY WITH HERSELF AND JUST HER BEING LIKE “IM PROUD OF MYSELF BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND INSTILLS IN ME THE PRIDE SHE HAS” AND THEM JUST BEING CUTE

I LIKE ME BETTER - A.E.

Alright....for my queen (was rooting for her to win the 1v1 but I'll take all the hype she's currently getting)

"And the win goes to Napheesa Collier!" My heart broke a little, hearing that Aaliyah had lost. My girl didn't win. I didn't know how she'd take it, not at all, but I hoped it wouldn't effect her much. The only thing she had to get out of this was that she had proved to everyone she was better than they could have imagined.

'Phee...how do you feel about your win?" The reporter shoved the mic in Phee's face, but my attention was on Lili. Her stride off the court hadn't changed. Her confidence hadn't taken a hit, or at least that's what it looked like.

Aaliyah's eyes light up as they fell on me. Her smile got bigger the closer she got. Her energy radiating off, the atmosphere changing with it.

She was proud of herself.

She was proud of herself just as much as I was proud of her. I gather her in a hug, taking the girl's warmth as much as I could.

"I can't believe I made it that far, like, that's crazy!" She pulled apart just enough to look down at me, "I couldn't have done it without you...i hope you know that."

Her smile made me smile. She was beyond perfect. She was the girlfriend anyone could ask for. "Babesss."

She rolled her eyes playfully, "don't 'babe' me, I mean it. I mean, come on! You're like the best cheerleader and coach at the same time!"

"lili, I don't even know how to coach basketball," I laughed out.

"but you still do? Man, maybe you're better than me," jokes flowed from her mouth. I couldn't believe she was taking the loss so well.

"alright, stop playing cute!"

"never!" She pulled us back together, my head resting against her chest. Her arms held me a little tighter. "Y/n...i mean it though. You really do make everything a little easier, a little more possible."

"Baby," I pull apart, my hands encompassing her face between them, "you're the reason you're here. You've worked so hard, and it's showing. All those hours, all the sweat and tears; you've done this. No one else."

Blush coated her cheeks at the praise, "Stopppp."

"Never....i mean it, Lili. You deserve your flowers," I placed a soft kiss on her cheek, then a longer one on her lips. "Now, go out there and let the reporters talk to you."

A groan escaped her lips, "I would rather stay here....maybe take you back to the hotel..."

"Nope," a small chuckle fell from my mouth, "I need everyone to see how sportman-like you are. Let them know you're not effected."

"okay, but only because you're telling me too," leaning down, she pecked my lips, "I love you, babe."

"I love you more....now go!"

Another roll of her eyes and she was off, talking to Phee about the game. The way she spoke so animatedly, you could tell she was just happy to be here, playing the sport she loved. Eventually, Aaliyah had made her way through a crowd of people. Questions kept getting thrown in her direction, she'd answer with a smile.

"so, Aaliyah, how do you feel about the way you played tonight," the shorter woman asked.

"Well, I think I just proved why I'm here, why I play. Plus, tonight, I can thank my beautiful girlfriend for all the pride and confidence she installs in me. Love you, y/n!"

I blew a kiss, she caught it.

"y'all are adorable, go spend some time with her right now!" The reporter patted her back, and Aaliyah didn't fight it.

"thank you," and she jogged my way. Lifting me off my feet, she kissed my lips. I felt myself melt into her. Everything seemed to disappear when I was with her. It just felt right. Everything did with her.

"So...should I take my beautiful, talented, strong, perfect girlfriend out for dinner?" I asked as she put me down.

"I don't know....what you thinking?"

"You pick?"

"Fine with me....lead the way!"

--------

We found ourselves laughing and talking up a storm in the comfort of our car. I couldn't help but notice this spark in her eyes. The way she looked at me deepened my love for her.

"what you thinking about, y/n/n?" Tilting her head, resting it gently on the head rest of her seat.

"You."

She snickered, "and why's that?"

"I got lucky," her face contorted in confusion, "you make me so happy, and proud, and everyday I fall deeper in love with you. You make me feel so love sick....in the best way of course."

Laughing, she shook her head, "You're cute, ya know?"

I rolled my eyes.

"no, I mean it," her hand reached across the center console, placing itself on my thigh, "but if anyone is lucky, it's me."

"babe-" "No, I'm serious. You're always by my side, cheering me on. You keep me going, make my drive stay intact. I wouldn't be anywhere I am without you. I couldn't think a stupid college party more in my life than the one were we met."

A silence settled between us, but within a second, her lips moved against mine. Her hands seemed to move against me, not in a needy-rushed way, but in way that she wanted me closer.

I broke it for a second, "I need to stop somewhere before we go back to the hotel."

A small laugh came from the girl, "did you just break a make out sess to tell me you needed to stop somewhere?"

Heat rose to my cheeks, "yeahhh....i guess I did, but it's important!"

"alright, alright....lets get going, I guess."

I quickly drove to the small shop I wanted to stop at. It was a small thing I wanted to do for Lili, so I made her stay in the car. I grabbed whatever I needed, basically sprinting out of the shop to give the girl what I had got her.

"there's no way!"

"I got the flowers you deserve...ya know..." I could feel myself blushing, but Aaliyah's face matched mine.

"I love you," she pulled me into a short kiss, "and these are so pretty."

"I love you...and they're pretty for a pretty girl."

--------

A/n : I actually have the biggest crush on Aaliyah rn so.....