#MAKE THEM ANGSTYYYYY

[escapisminacan]

I need a dark zhanyi fic where post time-skip Jian Yi is made to kill people for the mafia, but he can't, he's too weak. So, Zhan Zheng Xi does it for him and Jian Yi hates himself for bringing ZZX in the situation, but Zhan Zheng Xi would rather kill than lose Jian Yi again (because who knows what will happen to Jian Yi if he fails his mission?)

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

More Pokémon Horizons Episode 25 spoilers under the cut!

As much as I laughed from how this played out like an unintentionally comedic moment---can I mention how much this actually does to separate Amethio from the rest of the Explorers; how he's actually honorable and respects Friede as a rival of sorts?

The rest of the Explorers tend to use underhanded tricks to get what they want (Spinel brainwashing Liko and attempting to wipe her memory, Onyx and Sango trying to overwhelm the others against direct orders whilst causing the destruction of everything else around them), but Amethio has been unique in how he's regarded as 'by the books' (by Friede) and constantly tries to be on equal footing with his opponent- even if it means putting himself at the disadvantage when he has more resources to utilize.

He could've very easily overwhelmed Friede by having both of his mons attack at once (given how Captain Pikachu hadn't arrived yet)---and yet he- doesn't. Which is just so interesting to me as he's meant to have a similar goal as the rest of the Explorers (which is to retrieve the pendant/Terapagos by any means necessary).

So in this case, was it really a matter of defeating Friede so that he could easily confront Liko afterwards,,, or,,,,, was he trying to prove himself somehow? 👀✨✨✨

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

oooh 70 on the prompts list with shane would be so angstyyyyy plz i need to see ur thoughts on this -galaxy

This one's got a little kick to it ough

70) "After everything we've been through, you still don't think that I love you?"

......

"Honey..wh..what is this?"

"Can't you read? God, and I thought Alex was the only illiterate man in town-"

"I know what it says! But..I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?"

"Besides being a leech on my income for the past year and not doing a damn thing to make up for it....no."

"..are you crazy? I HAVE been doing my part! Just..take these back to Lewis and tell him you changed your mind. I'm not signing them."

"I don't need your signature. Just mine is enough to finalize it. I've already gotten everything packed for you..since you're too goddamn lazy to do it yourself."

"....what?" Tears stung Shane's eyes as he shakily set the stack of papers on the table, his vision blurring. He stared at you, seeing not an ounce of remorse on your face..but instead pure hatred. "Why would you do this behind my back? I-I thought...you-"

"What? You thought I loved you? Hah." The brief laugh that left your lips was cold. "Who could love a messed-up lowlife like you, Shane? I have a farm to take care of, a community center to restore..I can't have you slowing me down. It was a fun little fling, but now you bore me. I gotta get serious about my work."

"That's...all I was to you? A "fling"?!" A hurtful scowl formed on his face, hands shaking. "What about everything we've-?!"

"I only pitied you. And y'know, if I didn't care about Jas growing up without a father figure..I would've left you in the forest that night. I only stayed and married you to make them happy. But you blew your chance to get your act together..they're gonna be so disappointed in you."

As much as he wanted to respond with a snarky "I didn't know there was a time limit"...he was frozen on the spot, unable to say anything.

What could he say?

This was all so sudden...and just when he thought you two were doing so well and he was starting to have a genuinely positive outlook on life..

He made the horrid mistake of checking the mailbox and finding the dreaded papers.

"I'll say this was 50,000 gold well-spent." You grabbed the papers off the table, looking at the broken man before holding out your hand. "Give me that necklace. I'm gonna sell it."

"No..." Shane shook his head and clutched the mermaid pendant, tears streaking his face as he backed into the corner. "I...I-I'm so sorry, I'll try to be better! Just tell me what I can fix, a-and I'll-!!"

Suddenly you pulled out a dagger and swiped at him, causing him to flinch and shield himself, eyes squeezing shut in anticipation-

Yet he wasn't injured, but when he saw his pendant in your hands now...he felt as though you actually twisted that dagger deep into his heart.

He collapsed to his knees, devastated as you sheathed your weapon and pocketed the amulet you once tied around his neck at your wedding.

By your hands, you two were bonded in matrimony...

And by your hands, that bond was severed.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm sick of pretending that I care for some lazy ungrateful fuck. Goodbye, Shane."

And with that, you stormed out of the house..and he was left there on the floor, his sobs filling the silence in the now empty cabin.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It was already late when you returned from your mining trip, and once you finished putting the spoils of your expedition into the shipping bin, you yawned and stretched.

The time was 1:10 AM...and your energy was super drained.

You figured Shane was already sound asleep. The idea of crawling into that cozy bed and cuddling with the man you loved had you eager to take off your boots and put your tools away.

However upon opening the door..you immediately caught a faint whiff of beer, and it left a sinking pit in your stomach.

He did bring home a six-pack case today, and he promised to have it in moderation.

But the kitchen trash showed clear evidence of recently-opened cans.

Four out of the six, in fact.

'Oh man..it happened again..'

You knew that he wasn't gonna be able to quit cold turkey just like that. It wasn't a habit he could flip off like a lightswitch, and that's a fact you've come to accept.

Although he had a few beers from time to time, it was nothing like before. And he would always let you know if he was having some....so to realize he drank over half the case tonight alone was alarming.

Why? You were only gone for a few hours..

You entered the bedroom, finding Shane still awake, hunched over on the bed's edge with his face in his hands. He looked completely torn up, and you've never seen him this bad since..

"Shane, sweetheart?"

Startled, he looked up at you, revealing his eyes to be puffy and red from crying. "O-Oh..hi. You..y-you came back?" He hoarsely asked.

"Of course I did..without having to visit Harvey, thank god." You walked over and sat beside him, frowning. "But more importantly are you okay? What's wrong?"

He tried to respond, but the memories of that nightmare made him physically incapable of doing so...and fresh tears welled in his eyes.

A choked sob came out, and as quickly as he tried covering it up--it failed as similar heartbreaking noises followed.

You didn't waste any time pulling him into a hug.

Leaning against you, he sobbed into your neck, soaking the collar of your shirt in tears. But you just hushed him and rubbed his back. He didn't smell too heavily of beer, although it made you wonder what happened tonight that was bad enough to make him relapse.

Was it...you?

Was you being away stressing him out?

Did he think you wouldn't come back-

"[Y/n]...you sure you..really love me? And all of this isn't...a-a joke?" He hiccupped softly.

Those questions made your heart sink, and you briefly pulled away to gaze at him in sadness. You knew he was still struggling with his self-confidence and self-image, often comparing himself to a "squishy bag of flesh" and feeling "too old", but for him to doubt your love?

Even after talking him off a cliff?

Even after going to the gridball game where you shared that first kiss?

Even after giving him the bouquet and mermaid pendant?

"After everything we've been through, you still don't think that I love you?" You asked softly, not with anger, but with worry.

"Just look at me, and look at every other guy in this town. You could'a had a doctor, someone who can still play gridball, a writer who lives by the sea...even that emo guy seems cool. But you chose me..."

With a sniffle, he clutched the mermaid pendant with trembling fingers. "...this pathetic..l-lowlife who doesn't do shit on this farm. I swear I'd change and get my act together, but I'm letting you down again...j-just like everyone else. And I'm so sorry...I'm such a failure." He sobbed harder.

"Wha..that's nonsense. You do more for me and this farm than you could possibly know." You cupped his face, feeling his cheeks grow wet with fresh tears. "You feed the animals, you water any crops my sprinklers could've missed...and those pepper poppers you give me help keep my energy up in the mines so I can come home safely."

"But..I can't even microwave them right." He whined. "I wanna have the energy to cook like you do-"

"What do you mean?" You frowned. "Last week, you made me a killer omelet when I went to bed angry over a Pepper Rex burning my favorite cardigan."

Shane blinked, searching his foggy brain for that memory, before it dawned on him that he actually DID wake up extra early to surprise you with an omelet he cooked on the stove. Made from Charlie's eggs, of course.

"Ah, that's right..well...I guess I'm good at some things.." He sniffled, slowly calming down.

You chuckled softly, thumbing away the rest of his tears, your fingers brushing over his scruff. He recently shaved it, but it grew back rather quickly--like a crop infused with deluxe growth fertilizer.

"You're good at being my partner, and keeping me company after a long day." You kissed him in the lips. "I love you, Shane. Nothing will change that, even if you have relapses."

"I love you, too..and 'm sorry. I just had this really bad nightmare, and I couldn't fight the urge tonight."

"I understand, I'm not angry." Bringing him back into a hug, you sighed as he squeezed you tightly. "Did you wanna talk about it? I know it's late but..I'm sure it'll help us both."

"...you promise not to laugh?"

"I promise."

"I..had a nightmare you divorced me."

"Huh..really?"

"Yeah, you filed the papers behind my back and said some...pretty hurtful stuff, like how it's "the best 50,000 gold you've ever spent", how what we had was just "a fling", and...how I'm leeching off of you." The longer he went on, the more he struggled to swallow back further tears. "And..you took the pendant back by force. With that dagger you always keep on you."

"....."

"I-It's stupid, but it...just felt so real. And when I woke up and you didn't come back from the mines yet, I thought maybe..it actually happened."

"Shane." You shook your head, leaning back again to bring his face into your hands. "No way would I EVER put that much gold towards something that stupid. This farmwork..it's so much to one person to handle, and I'm forever grateful you're here to help me. You're doing your best, and that's all I could ever ask for."

"Thank you.." He nodded, finally realizing that what he dreamed was nothing more than a ridiculous nightmare.

You smiled and kissed him again, making this one last a bit longer before you pulled away. "I'll get you some water, okay? I don't want my baby to have a hangover in the morning."

Shane sheepishly returned the smile, allowing you to get up and go to the kitchen, while he got comfortable in bed and patiently waited for your return. His hand went to the pendant on his chest, relieved it was still there.

Even though you were probably dead-tired from the mines..you still took the time to care for him when he hit another low. You didn't see him as a chore or a leech on your life.

You saw him as your husband, your soulmate..someone you were willing to love through thick and thin even when some days were harder than others.

Of course, his depression might tell him otherwise, and manifest those insecurities into nightmares.

But you'll still be here for him no matter what.

[mopopshop]

omg heyy i love ur work so much rlly sad to see the emily fics are gone but it’s completely understandable and reasonable 😓 ANYWAYSS could u pleaseee write angst for paige? 🙏 SUPAAA ANGSTYYYYY LIKE GUT WRENCHINGGG 🙈🙈

Insecure (Paige Bueckers x OC)

paige is high key toxic in this one, there’s some pushing and stuff but super freaky angsty so enjoy!

i think i’ve found my niche for argument scenes LMAO

give feedback if you’d like🫶🏾

———

The noise of the party buzzes around you, but your focus narrows to Paige and the girl she's been talking to for far too long. You've been standing with friends, trying to enjoy yourself, but your eyes keep drifting back to them. Paige’s arm is around her neck, they’re falling all over each other, laughing and giggling in their own little world—it's all too much. 

Your last straw is seeing Paige’s arm drift from her neck to her exposed waist, making eye contact as if they were about to kiss and the sight makes your blood boil.

You finally walk over, your steps purposeful. Paige sees you approaching and gives a tight smile, but you can tell by the way her eyes flicker that she's nervous. The girl she's been talking to looks between the two of you, sensing the tension.

"Hey," you say, trying to keep your voice steady. "Can we talk?"

Paige sighs, her attitude making a 180 as she’s clearly annoyed. "Can it wait, J? I'm in the middle of a conversation."

"No, it can't," you reply firmly, your patience wearing thin.

The girl excuses herself awkwardly, and you and Paige are left standing there, the party continuing around you as if nothing's wrong. You lead her to a quieter corner, away from prying eyes and ears.

"What the hell was that?" you demand, unable to hold back any longer.

"What are you talking about?" Paige replies, crossing her arms defensively.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You've been flirting with her all night. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Paige rolls her eyes. "Oh, come on, Jada. You're overreacting. I was just being friendly."

"Friendly? Is that what you call it? Because it looked like you were trying to fuck another girl in front of me."

She scoffs. "It was literally nothing. Why do you always have to make everything a big deal?"

Your heart aches at her dismissive tone, but you press on. "Because it is a big deal, Paige. You can't just act like that and expect me to be okay with it."

She shakes her head, looking away. "I'm so tired of this shit, Jada. Why do you always insist on assuming the worst ."

"And I'm tired of you not caring about my feelings," you shoot back. 

Paige's jaw tightens. "I can't keep doing this with you. Every time I turn around, it's like you're waiting for me to mess up. Maybe if you trusted me, we wouldn't have these problems."

"Trust you? How can I trust you when you keep giving me reasons not to?"

"Because I'm Paige Bueckers!" she snaps, her voice rising. "Everyone wants to talk to me, be around me. You fucking knew that when you got with me. Why can't you just deal with it?"

You flinch at her words, the sting of them cutting deep. "So, what? I'm just supposed to accept that you'll flirt with other girls and not say anything? Is that what you're saying?"

"I'm saying you need to chill out. Not everything is a threat to our relationship."

"Then why does it feel like it is?" you ask, your voice breaking. "Why does it feel like you're pushing me away?"

She falls silent, her eyes cold and distant. "Maybe you're just too insecure to handle being with someone like me."

The finality of her words hits you like a punch to the gut. You blink back tears, the weight of her indifference crushing you. "Maybe you're just too selfish to be with someone like me," you whisper, turning away before she can see you cry.

The ride home is silent, the tension between you suffocating. When you finally step inside your apartment, the argument continues, the words now even sharper, more venomous.

"You know what your problem is?" Paige yells, slamming the door behind her. "You don't know how to let shit go. You cling to every little thing, make it bigger than it is."

"And you know what your problem is?" you counter, your voice shaking with anger. "You don't know how to care about anyone but yourself."

She laughs bitterly. "This coming from the girl who can't go five minutes without needing reassurance? Grow up, Jada."

Your vision blurs with tears, but you refuse to let them fall. "And you need to learn what it means to actually love someone, not just fuck  them until you're bored."

The room falls into a heavy silence, the weight of your words hanging in the air. Paige looks at you, her eyes filled with a mixture of anger and something you can't quite place.

The silence only enrages you further and you finally snap. "You know what? Get out.”

Paige’s eyes widen in disbelief, her expression flashing from anger to shock. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” you say, your voice trembling with pent-up frustration. “Get out. I can’t do this anymore.”

She steps closer, her face inches from yours, the intensity of her gaze cutting through you. “You can’t just kick me out, Jada. This is my place too.”

“Not anymore,” you reply, your voice steady despite the storm of emotions inside you. “I can’t keep pretending everything is okay when it’s not.”

Paige’s jaw clenches, her hands curling into fists at her sides. “Fine. Maybe I will go. Clearly, you don’t appreciate anything I do.”

“Don’t turn this around on me,” you shoot back, your chest heaving with emotion. “You know damn well what you did tonight.”

“Yeah, and you know damn well I didn’t do anything wrong,” she retorts, her voice rising. “You’re just so fucking insecure, you can’t handle seeing me talk to anyone else.”

The accusation hits you like a slap in the face. “I’m insecure? Look at yourself, Paige. You can’t go five minutes without flirting with someone else.”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?” she scoffs, stepping closer until her breath mingles with yours. “Maybe if you were more fun, I wouldn’t have to look elsewhere.”

You’ve had enough. The anger boils over, and before you know it, you’re shoving her away from you. Paige stumbles back, catching herself against the wall, her eyes blazing with fury.

“Don’t fucking touch me, bro!” she shouts, pushing herself off the wall and getting right back in your face.

“Or what?” you challenge, your voice trembling with a mix of rage and hurt. “You gonna hit me? You gonna flirt with another girl to punish me?”

Paige’s expression darkens, her hands curling into fists again. “You’re so fucking impossible, Jada. I can’t deal with this shit anymore.”

“Then leave!” you yell, tears streaming down your cheeks now. “Just leave!”

She storms past you, grabbing her keys and slamming the door behind her with a force that rattles the walls. The sound echoes in the empty apartment, leaving you standing there, shaking with anger and heartache.

Alone in the silence that follows, you collapse onto the couch, your sobs echoing in the empty room. 

———

[fanwarriorfictions]

Not Again - Part Eleven

Summary: The morning after leaves Y/n and Azriel wanting more, but that will have to wait.

Warnings: a little spicy, no smut but it’s close, and she is Angstyyyyy

Series Masterlist

-Part Eleven-

She woke, surrounded by a familiar warmth and scent, home, she was home. The sun was shining behind her eyelids, she was hesitant to open them, to completely wake from the deepest and most peaceful slumber she had ever had in her life. When she finally forced her eyes open, it had taken a moment for her to register exactly where she was, not her bedroom in the palace of Orynth, but her room in the house of wind, and the scent of a male beside her, one that smelled of the libraries she’d spent most of her life in.

Azriel’s arms were around her, holding her close to his chest, Y/n still completely bare against him, Azriel still only half dressed, his wings splayed out across the bed on either side of him, one wrapping around them like a blanket.

He was awake, scarred hand lazily tracing shapes across her back. He halted when she lifted her head to look at him. His eyes were so beautiful in the morning sunlight, so beautiful she wondered why he spent so much time in the dark, when he could look like this. His hair a mess from sleep, from her hands pulling on the strands. His skin washed in the golden light, displaying each of those slightly red lines across his chest and shoulders that matched the shape of her nails.

“Have you been staring at me all morning?”

His answering smile turns the pit of her stomach molten, “Good morning, Princess.”

“Morning, shadowsinger.” She raises a hand to his face, thumb lightly ghosting over the small split on his bottom lip. “I’m sorry.”

Azriel nips lightly at her thumb, “Don’t be. You’re a vicious little thing but I can handle it.”

She grins, “You love it, don’t lie.”

His head tilts in that predator like motion, something in her likes the feeling of being his prey. Azriel’s hand continues to draw those small shapes across her back, his fingers trailing across her skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. It reminds her that she’s completely naked, half laying on top of him. And she had a score to settle from the night before, a glorious score at that. She had never felt that in her life, the intensity of it, the passion, she had felt completely boneless afterwards, like her body was trying to process the sheer amount of pleasure it felt.

Her hand drifts lazily down his chest, over those raised scratches, over the dark black tattoos, down the hard muscles of his stomach. Only for her wrist to be caught between his large fingers.

She glares up at him, “Don’t ruin my fun.”

“Later, Princess.” There’s a dark haze to his eyes like he wanted nothing more than to say, now, now, now. “I promise you can have your fun, later. When did you last eat?”

She bristles at the concern in his voice, “I-“

“I know you can take care of yourself,” he interrupts, “Your stomach was growling in your sleep.”

She rips her hand free and smacks his chest, glaring at the way he laughs at her, “No it wasn’t.”

“You were drooling to,” he grins, “Dreaming of a roast dinner I’m sure.”

“You-“

He catches her hand before she can hit him again, lifting her wrist to his mouth to press a kiss to the inside, right abover her pulse. It flutters beneath his smirking lips and she wishes he’d press them to her own instead.

“Breakfast,” Azriel says, placing her hand directly above his beating heart, “You can tell me all about your little adventures from the past few days. And then you can have your fun, and I can have mine.”

The way his voice drops, that gravely sound that makes her clench around nothing. By the way he smirks, Y/n is sure he can scent the arousal pooling between her legs, she doesn’t give him the satisfaction of trying to hide it, despite how she desperately wants to press her thighs together.

“Fine,” she says, pushing off of his chest to sit up, “Breakfast and a story, and then I have my way with you, shadowsinger.”

She doesn’t miss the way his eyes fall to her breasts, to the purple marks littering all over her chest, she’d repay him for those too. His hand slides down her back, resting just above her ass, fingers pressing firmly into her skin to hold her in place.

“Beautiful,” he whispers, like a prayer only meant for her to hear.

“Still thinking about breakfast,” she taunts.

He answers without hesitation, “Yes.”

By the way his gaze travels down her body, whiskey eyes turning to the deepest amber she’d ever seen, Y/n is sure he’s thinking about another feast. Gods she wanted him to devour her again, to feel that tongue between her legs, those fingers stretching her, preparing her for the impressive size of him that she’d felt beneath his leathers.

“Breakfast first,” he groans, throwing his head back on the pillows, “Breakfast first.”

Y/n laughs at the image, “You ruin your own fun, shadowsinger.”

“It’s what I’m good at,” he says darkly, not looking at her, “Get dressed, Princess.”

Y/n rolls her eyes at the command, “What? You don’t enjoy the view?”

The hand on her back slides down, gripping the soft flesh of her ass almost painfully. Y/n nearly moans at the sensation, sitting back into his palm.

“Get dressed,” he orders again, squeezing her even harder, “You’re distracting.”

“Poor, shadowsinger,” she coos, pushing his hand off so she can climb off the bed, “Sees a pair of tits and loses all functionality.”

Azriel chuckles darkly, eyeing her chest, “Must you make everything more difficult than necessary?”

She turns towards her dresser, feeling the weight of his gaze drift down to her backside. There’s a set of night court style clothes, in her colors, green and silver laying out on the dresser for her. Y/n takes her time, bending over to step into the tiny little scrap of lace the house deemed as undergarments, slowly pulling it up her legs, over her ass. Azriel’s eyes burn into her, watching each deliberate motion as she dresses.

“Are you planning to eat breakfast half dressed,” she throws a raised brow over her shoulder, catching the hungry look in his eye, “I won’t complain.”

A plain black shirt appears in his lap, one he looks keen on ignoring, “It would seem the house would.”

“Insufferable busybody.” She lifts her own shirt above her head, making sure to turn just enough to let him see all of her, “Put your shirt on, shadowsinger. I’m hungry.”

“I can hear that from here.” He laughs at her glare, throwing his shirt over his head, deft fingers quickly buttoning the backs beneath his wings. “Lead the way, Princess.”

Azriel marked it as a testament of his will, to walk behind her, to have her lingering arousal in his nose, to watch those hips sway, to see that beautiful bruise on her neck and not press her against the closest wall and take her from behind. He’d spent enough time the night before admiring her front, he’d neglected the view from this angle, and what a view it was. He had many plans to rectify that.

She sends him a wicked smile over her shoulder, like she knew exactly where his thoughts had drifted off to, like he’d shouted them down the bond between them.

He hadn’t, the moment he’d woken this morning he’d taken that shadow that connected them and smothered it in his chest, locking away his raging need to scream that she was his mate, to beg her to stay with him, to accept him for all his faults and scars. He shoved it all in a box in the corner of his mind, locked behind chains and walls. When she’d woken, and she’d looked up at him with those eyes full of wonder, it almost broke him. That was a testament to his strength, to hold back the words, my mate, you’re my mate.

There was a feast prepared in the dining room. Pastries and fruits and meats and cheeses, several kinds of juices and teas and coffees to choose from. The house was a busybody indeed, he could hear Y/n grumbling under her breath at it. He wasn’t the only one that knew she was hungry, had she even eaten when she’d been gone? Had she even stopped to rest? The need to know where she’d been, what she’d done, overrode his need to fuck her against the table, barely, but it did.

Azriel carefully watches her fill her plate, noting the way she piles it high with the sweet pastries, little bits of fruit scattered throughout, like it would balance out the sheer amount of sugar. Once she sat, making a cup of black tea, the only thing not filled with enough sugar to send him into a coma, Azriel fills his own plate, balanced and protein filled like he always took his breakfast. He could almost hear Cassian chiding him for the single raspberry tart he adds to the mix.

Y/n bites into one of her own tarts, blueberry by the smell of it, and lets out a deliberate little moan. Every instinct in him zeroes in on the sound, but he forces it away, she wanted a reaction out him, she wouldn’t get one.

“Are you ready to tell me where you went?”

The sigh she lets out shows just how disappointed she is about her little preformance not working on him. He almost smiles, almost concedes that inch.

“I flew north,” she says, sipping on her tea, “I didn’t know where I was going, I just-“

She cuts herself off, and any lust fades from them both as she looks down at the table. Working through whatever it was she was thinking, whatever she was feeling. It was his fault, the things he’d said to her that night, lashing out at her because he was so scared of himself, of his own problems.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “About what I said, you’re not-“

“I am,” she interrupts, looking up at him with hazy eyes, “I am a coward, you were right.”

The resignation almost breaks him. Behind the thick walls of his mind he could feel her breaking on the other side, he hated it, hated himself for causing it.

“No I wasn’t-“

“Yes, yes you were.” She looks past him, out the windows beyond, “I flew north, as far as I could into the snow capped mountains, hoping if I flew far enough I would find Terrasen, that I could go home, go back to my perfect life, where I was safe and loved and had never felt the hardships that so many have been through before me.”

She laughs without any humor, “My mother was raised by an abusive monster after seeing her parents dead in their bed. She was a slave, she was tortured, beaten, forced to give everything she was to save the world. My father found the woman he thought was his mate, was to have a child with her, only to have her die while he was fighting for the queen who’d fucked with his mind. And then there’s me, the spoiled little princess who falls apart because she’s lost.”

Those silent tears fall down her cheeks, her breathing is steady, no sobs, just this quiet breaking. It shatters his heart.

“And I’m such a coward, that instead of facing my own bullshit, of pulling myself together,” she continues, “I try to force myself on you, try to force you to fix the broken parts of me. I don’t blame you for not wanting that, for calling me out on it. I ran away because you were right, and I couldn’t handle it. I ran because I couldn’t face the truth that, that I am nothing, my family is filled with hero’s, of stories, and I am nothing but a coward who failed her own.”

“No-“

“Yes,” she takes a deep breath, “I failed so spectacularly that I almost got myself and you-“

Her voice breaks for the first time and Azriel wants to hold her in his arms, to hold the shattering pieces of her together, but there’s the cursed table between them, holding him back yet again from her. He rests his hand on the table, scarred palm up in offering, for her to take it, for him to hold them both together, she takes it.

“I almost got us killed,” she breathes, voice so soft and broken, “and that scared me so much, and that scared me even more, the fear of losing you, of being the reason of it-“

“You’re not going to lose me, Princess.” He squeezes her hand tightly in his own, “We will figure this out, we will get you home, I promise.”

He hates himself for the selfish though that crosses his mind, the hope, that they wouldn’t figure it out, and if they did, maybe she would chose to stay with him. He knew she wouldn’t.

“Together,” she says, “No more fighting, we’ll do this together, shadowsinger.”

And he nods, ignoring the cracks in his heart, “Together, Princess.”

Y/n felt so tired, so raw after that conversation, after baring her heart and soul to Azriel. Any lingering heat in her from the night before, from that morning, had disappeared with every broken word that came from her lips. Azriel seemed to understand that without her having to tell him, like he always did. If she didn’t have that protection engraved into her brow, she’d assume he was a daemati, as Rhys had called his power, able to reach into her mind and read her thoughts and emotions.

Instead of dragging him back to her room, like she had originally planned during their walk to the dining room, she asked him to fly with her. And he said yes without hesitation.

The wind felt marvelous on her wings, the early morning spring chill still lingering. Velaris was beautiful in the morning light, though she knew it truly shone at night beneath the stars. There were fae roaming through the streets, some brave enough to look up and wave at the shadowsinger as he passed. Y/n almost laughed when he awkwardly waved back.

She dove down towards a bustling market, the palace of salt and bone if the delicious scents of fresh bread and spices drifting through her nose were any indication. With a flash she was in her fae form again, walking through a crowd of fae who starred at her and her winged companion who lands directly behind her.

“Trying to give someone a heart attack?” He asks, rolling his eyes at the grin she sends over her shoulder.

Azriel falls in step beside her and she notes the lack of his usual shadows. It reminds her of their first encounter, when she hadn’t been able to understand him, scared and hurt. He’d sent them away to not frighten her anymore than she already was. The people of Velaris were well aware of who and what he was, and by the gleam in most eyes they passed, she was sure none of them would be truly scared of the shadowsinger.

“The markets in Orynth are a lot like this,” Y/n says, admiring a baker’s stand, “My mother and I go once a month to buy as many sweets as our hands can carry.”

“I assume you inherited your sweet tooth from her?” Azriel picks up a decorated cookie and pulls a few coins from his pocket for the high fae female behind the stand. “Here.”

Y/n grins and takes the cookie from his outstretched hand, “My father swears he doesn’t have one but I’ve seen him sneaking through our hauls. And he always has a chocolate cake for his birthday. My mother once made him one, he told me it was the worst thing he’d ever eaten but he ate every single bite.”

Azriel chuckles, “If she’s anything like you I’d say he’s a smart male.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” she glares, fighting back a grin.

Azriel smirks, “nothing, Princess.”

“Careful, shadowsinger.” She lets a small ice cold breeze push through his hair, over his wings, noting the shiver that runs down his spine, “Oh? Are those sensitive?”

And something she never thought she would see happens. A flush covers the shadowsinger’s cheeks, faint and barely visible on his deep tanned skin. But she sees it and her smile turns feline.

“I can see the idea forming in your head,” Azriel says, forcing that calm mask over his features to hide the blush, “don’t start something you don’t want to finish.”

“Oh I definitely want to finish,” Y/n says, letting another breeze cross directly over the sharp talon at the tip of his wing, “I have a score to settle, remember?”

Azriel takes a step closer to her, looking down at her with delightful intensity, “Careful, Princess.”

“Or what?” She lifts her hand, lightly dragging a finger over his forearm, “Big sensitive male, can’t handle a little teasing?”

“Careful,” Azriel says lowly, so no one passing can hear, only for her, “Or I take you into the shadows, and we’ll see who’s more sensitive.”

Her toes curl, the pit of her stomach turning molten, “Scandalous, shadowsinger.”

The hand on his arm gently reaches back, dragging over the soft membrane of a single wing. Azriel doesn’t let her dig her claws into him, he wraps those scarred fingers around her forearm and she’s engulfed in shadows. The familiar feeling of transporting falls over her, like stepping through a door into another part of the world. Her uncle had the ability, one of the rare few in her world, he’d taken her on many adventures using the ability, she was used to the disorienting feeling.

She doesn’t have the chance to see where they are, the world still covered in shadow, before her back is pressed to a wall, her hands held firmly above her head. Azriel’s mouth collides with her’s in a burning kiss. No gentleness, only fiery passion. Each stroke of his tongue sends a shock of need through her, all the way down to her core.

“You test my patience,” he grounds out against her mouth, nipping at her already swollen bottom lip, “Is this what you want, to be fucked against a back alley wall?”

He doesn’t let her respond, only takes her mouth again in that claiming kiss. She wants to touch him, to run her hands over those wings and see just how sensitive they really are, but he keeps her hands trapped against the wall above them, both wrists held in just one of his scarred palms. His other hand trails down her body, ghosting over the places she really wants him to stop and take his time.

She tries and fails to arch into his touch, his body pining her to the wall, one of his legs shoved between her own, thigh pressed to her aching center. Her hips writhe, seeking the friction she desperately needs.

Azriel laughs against her lips, “What? Can’t handle a little teasing?”

He mocks her words from the street and she’s almost to lost in the intensity of everything to be annoyed by it, almost. Y/n nips at his lip like he’d done to her, catching that already spilt bottom lip with her canine.

Azriel winces, just enough for her to be satisfied, “Vicous little creature.”

His hand grips her hip, almost painfully, coaxing her to move against his thigh. The motion makes her dizzy, her head falling back against the wall. Azriel takes the opportunity to attack her neck, almost instantly finding that spot that makes her see stars, giving her a matching bruise on the other side of her neck.

“Az,” she gasps, “Gods please.”

She can feel him smirk against her neck, and she almost sobs when he backs away.

Her hands fall to her sides as she gapes up at the smirking male, “What are you-“

“The first time I take you,” he says wickedly, that insufferable smirk growing wider, “will not be a quick fix in an alleyway, where anyone could walk by and catch us. I plan to take my time with you, Princess, to make you scream without a potential audience.”

She glares up at him, “You bast-“

“You can curse at me all you want,” Azriel says, “when we get back home, Princess.”

Home, for the first time since she’d been here, the word didn’t send a shock of pain through her. Azriel gives her a look, like he knew what she was thinking, like he was asking her if she was alright. Surprisingly, she was.

“Lead the way, shadowsinger.”

Azriel holds out a hand to her, pulling her close to his chest when she grabs it. Shadows wrap around them and they step through that invisible doorway. It’s bright when they emerge, and they’re falling, towards the house of wind far far below them. Azriel’s arms wrapped tightly around her, wings flaring to catch the wind, it feels strange to fly not in her hawk form, to rely solely on another’s wings to keep her from plummeting to the ground below them. But Azriel hold firm, and they gently drift to the balcony. Y/n is itching to get on the ground, to drag him to her room.

They land, Azriel gently setting her feet on the floor, arms still wrapped around her, pressing her close to his body, shadows dancing around them. She can feel them whispering against her skin, she can’t understand them, but Azriel’s eyes shine with an emotion she can’t read.

“What are they-“

Footsteps, thundering down the hall beyond the open archway behind her. Her head snaps towards the sound, Azriel holding her tighter to him. His shadows press closely to her like they would shield her from whoever was running towards them, whatever danger they’d bring with them.

“Wrap it up lovebirds,” Cassian’s booming voice, he rounds the corner, wings flared wide in a fighting stance, “Something’s wrong with the gate.”

Y/n’s heart stops dead in her chest, she barely feels the way Azriel’s arms loosen in shock around her. She could feel it suddenly, that ancient and wicked presence, distant but growing stronger, pay the price.

She rips away from Azriel, wincing at that voice growing stronger, louder in her mind, it felt like claws tearing into her brain, gods killer, pay the price, pay her price.

“Rhys and Feyre are containing it as best they can, neither of them could reach you,” Cassian says, the voice of a general, “Nes is on standby with the trove.”

Y/n barely registers the words, what the trove was she didn’t care, just prayed that whatever it was could help them. She’s running for the hallway, only to be stopped by a strong hand wrapped around her bicep.

“You’re not just going to run in there,” Azriel says, voice as hard as the hand on her arm, “That thing wants you, I can feel it chanting your name. It’ll kill you.”

She could too, could hear it in her head, Y/n, Y/n, pay the price of the gods killer, pay it Y/n, pay it.

“I’m not going to sit here and let it kill all of you instead,” Y/n snaps, tugging at his iron grip. “Let me go, Azriel.”

His harden gaze breaks just enough, showing the fear behind the rage, “Y/n, don’t do this, we’ll figure this out together, I can’t, I-“

“Let me go, Az,” she repeats, more gently than before, yet still demanding, “Let me go.”

Cassian steps forward, a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “We’ve got to go, Az. They can’t hold it back forever.”

His whole face shutters, and Y/n feels the echo of his pain, it hurts her heart, her soul. She stands tall on her toes, tilting her head to capture his lips on her own, this kiss is the opposite of any they’d shared before, no heat, no passion, just the soft broken promise of whatever ties them together, whatever could have been between them.

“Let me go,” she whispers against him, and this time when she pulls her arm away, he lets her.

Come to me, Y/n, pay your mother’s price.

She’s running towards that voice, to that promise of death, she had no idea what she would face, no idea if her death would be painful, if there would be anything left of her soul or if she would be left with nothing.

Cassian and Azriel run after her, their footfalls like the ticking hands of a clock, marking the dwindling seconds left of her life. She’s half tempted to shift, to fly through the halls as fast as she can, to leave Azriel far enough behind so he wouldn’t have to witness the carnage.

They round the final corner, the green light of the gate flooding the hallway through the open door. Y/n charges inside, ignoring the shouts of warning from the males behind her.

Rhys is holding Feyre close to his side, both High Lady and Lord intensely focused on the shield they forged around the open gate. The black depths in the center reveal nothing of the world it resides in or creature beyond, but she can feel its presence, it’s anger.

“It’s waiting,” Nesta calls from the other side of Feyre, a glowing steel sword poised to strike in her hands, another is strapped to her back, the hilt as black as night, “It hasn’t moved since we got here.”

Cassian runs to his mate’s side, “Where’s the trove?”

“Ready,” Nesta replies, “In case this all goes to shit.”

Shadows wrap around Y/n’s wrists, gently caressing the skin and winding up her arms. Azriel stands by her side, the mask of deathly calm firmly in place, the only mark of his fear, his hand that firmly grips her own. She holds him just as tightly, he has to feel the way her hands shake.

There she is, finally. The voice shifts, female, ancient but somehow young. Your mother’s pride and joy, her precious Mala’s fire burning in your veins.

Y/n’s fire stirs in response, that deep well of it in the pit of her stomach waking up like the goddess had called for it, like it recognized the name of the other goddess it had come from. She has to dampen it with her own ice kissed wind. Keep it contained.

“Should I talk to a void,” Y/n says, using that bravado, hiding her fear, “Or are you to vicious sight to behold.”

The black hole ripples and a glowing pale hand reaches through. They all shift, drawing weapons, raising them towards the creature that crawls through the portal, the shield that Feyre and Rhys hold is reinforced by Y/n’s wind, and a red light from the siphons on Cassian’s armor. A blue light surrounds Y/n, and she doesn’t have to look to know it’s from Azriel’s own siphons.

The female that emerges from the inky black is beautiful, glowing skin, dark black hair that flows over her turned down face and across her body, a simple white gown covering her, long slits at the sides revealing sleek long legs, feet clad in golden sandals. Beautiful. Yet when she looks up, when her hair parts, Y/n feels like she’s going to be sick.

Turquoise eyes, ringed with silver, stare at her from a face so scarred that the rest of her features are barely discernible. Her mouth moves in what Y/n assumes is a grin.

“Beautiful,” the goddess says, “am I not?”

She’d survived the creatures her mother had subjected the gods to, somehow she’d managed to live, barely, but she’d survived.

“Who are you,” Nesta says, that blade pointed directly at the goddess’s throat.

Those eyes narrow at Nesta, and pass right through her towards the High Lady behind her. The attention draws a warning growl from her mate’s throat, one from Nesta as well, the goddess ignores them both.

“A huntress,” she coos at Feyre, “I’d recognize one of my own anywhere.”

Huntress. Y/n’s body locks up, and Azriel at her side takes a casual step in front of her, like he could sense exactly what dots she was connecting. The shadows wrap around her, that blue shield settling over her like armor.

The motion draws the goddess’s attention to them, her head tilting in a predator like motion, “Well this is interesting.”

“Deanna,” Y/n breathes, “You’re Deanna.”

The goddess chuckles, “So she didn’t erase us completely. Do the mortals in your realm still worship us faithfully? Or do they worship Aelin Galathynius, their glorious savior?”

Deanna practically spits her mother’s name, and that well of power inside of Y/n rumbles. Azriel, squeezes her hand once, twice, calm down, he seems to tell her, like he could feel the fire beneath her skin, warming their joined hands. He doesn’t flinch from the heat, doesn’t shy away from her, only holds her tighter, not afraid.

“Did she raise her precious daughter to hide behind pretty males?” Deanna laughs, “She didn’t want to share the spotlight I’m sure.”

“What do you want?” Azriel says, cutting straight to the point, “Why are you here?”

Deanna tuts at him, “You males have no manners. Someone aught to train you.”

To fast, she moved to fast. Y/n didn’t see her arm raise, didn’t see that bow materialize in her hands, didn’t see her draw back that string, all she saw was that golden arrow, flying through the air faster than it possibly could, propelled by that ancient magic of Deanna’s. It splits through every shield, through the wall of shadows, directly into Azriel’s chest.

She felt it in her own, that sharp searing pain, his and her own. The scream tears through her, ripping her throat to shreds, bleeding through her lips. Azriel falls, the grip on her hand falling with him, his shadows disappear, scattering into the corners of the room, leaving their master below her, bleeding, dying.

Dead, dead, she killed him, gone, dead. There’s this string tied to her heart, twisting and pulling, reaching for him, a tether between that she yanks on, begging him to stay. She’s screaming and screaming and lunging through those shields, Azriel’s own dagger in her hands, she doesn’t remember grabbing it.

Deanna is smiling beneath those scars, laughing, “Finally.”

Fire, burning through her, Mala’s fire, so hot it burns blue. It imbues into the dagger, the black blade spitting those blue flames as Y/n takes it to the goddess’ throat. Deanna doesn’t move, doesn’t fire an arrow, doesn’t burn her with that moon fire.

She simply sighs, “Pay the price, Y/n, finish what your mother started, let me finally rest with my kin.”

Y/n gives her exactly what she wants, what she gave Azriel, death. His dagger finds home in her throat, fire burning through the goddess, turning her to ash from the inside out. Time seems to completely stop, seconds turning to hours, to days, to years, Deanna burns and burns for a millennium, till there’s nothing left but that ancient bow and the golden arrow in Azriel’s chest.

Time shifts, moves faster and faster. The inner court is screaming around her, screaming for a healer, for Azriel, for her. She doesn’t hear them, doesn’t even know who or where she is, she simply collapses, throwing up a shield of hard air around her and Azriel. And she lays her head on her mate’s chest and screams.

Tag list

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[grandlinedreams]

Hii !!! If you haven't done it already , can you make a part 2 to https://www.tumblr.com/grandlinedreams/732931737043255296/hehe-hi-lovelov-luvvv-the-angst-u-write-could (sorry I can't create hyperlinks due to my pc crashing everytime I try !) ? I loved it so much that I neeedddd a 2nd part that's just as angstyyyyy. I love your angst so much !!

Hiya!! I absolutely can, but i also got asked to resolve it well so I hope I can do this justice for everyone who wanted a part two! First part [here]

[Heads up!: canon typical violence, hefty dose of angst, hurt/comfort]

It's been a week since you bargained your freedom for Law's, offered your services to barter for his safety ㅡ and you still don't regret it.

The ship you've been forced onto is a far cry from the comforts of the Polar Tang with battered wooden floors and a hull that you're surprised withstands the waves that crash against it.

The crew also is nothing like the one you're used to ㅡ not that you see much of them. You spend most of your time at a desk with varying maps spread out before you, pen in hand as you're demanded to make note of any and all locations to treasure or anything of interest regarding the One Piece.

"If I find out you're lying, or if any of this is a trap," your captor hisses, pressing the sharp edge of a blade to your throat, "don't think I won't slit your throat and throw you overboard for the sea kings."

You don't bat an eye, even as metal bites into your skin, the warm drip of blood that follows. "I don't doubt it."

Your captor ㅡ Hendle, or whatever he'd said his name was ㅡ glares at you, clearly unhappy that he hadn't gotten the reaction he wanted. "I'll have someone drop food off. Don't even think of looking for an escape."

And then he's gone, leaving you with only maps and the guttering glow of an oil lamp for company. You reach out with the clink of the ever present seaprism stone cuffs, trace a narrow line of ink towards a place you've circled, tapping it thoughtfully.

Though it's a long shot and requires a heap of hope, if you can somehow leave a clue or evidence behind, if Law is tracking you (which you have no doubts he is, Trafalgar Law is a lot of things but one to abandon crewmates is not one of them), he can find it.

You bite your lip. It's a stretch and it'll have to be something both subtle and obvious enough to be from you ㅡ but you can at least try.

ㅡ

Though you're also a pirate, helping these kinds of pirates makes you feel slimy as you watch yet another chest of glittering gold and jewels be pried from its hiding spot and hauled back towards the ship.

"You've got an eye for treasure," Hendle tells you, eyes you in a way that makes your skin crawl and your fingers twitch with the urge to ball into fists. "I could get used to having you as part of my crew."

Anger flares. "I'm already part of a crew," you tell him flatly. "And it isn't yours."

The fist that connects with your jaw is expected given that the other times you've spoken out it's been met with swift violence, but the ring on his finger catches on skin, splitting it open.

"They're not going to rescue you," he growls, fury clear in his tone. "The sooner you understand that, the better."

And then he stalks off, leaving you alone. He clearly thinks you'll follow and while the idea of bolting is tempting, you know you're not going to make it far.

Blood drips slowly down your cheek, and you bring your hands up with the rattle of chain that's become frustratingly familiar. Swiping a finger against your skin, you stare at the tacky red, debating.

You can't ask for a pen, have no way of leaving proof you were here that won't disappear otherwise or be overtly obvious ㅡ this will have to do.

ㅡ

And so it goes ㅡ with every island that you end up on, you find some way to leave proof of your presence and hope that it's enough to point the right way.

If Law is even looking for you. You want to believe that he is, but what if he isn't? Logic is cruel ㅡ that he's wasting more resources than necessary to come after you. That he should cut his losses and move on.

It's a cold knife thrust between your ribs and up into your heart, piercing with the ache and fear that this is your life now, days measured by how useful you are.

What happens when you stop being of use? After all, there's only so many places you know of, and only so long you can get away with lying about information pertaining to the One Piece. Hendle is bound to figure it out sooner rather than later.

You stare at your wrists, the rubbed raw quality where the stone has chafed, the slow sap of any and all energy you manage to find by sleeping. And even when you do sleep, it's far from well ㅡ worries and fears follow you into dreamland, torment you with what could happen.

And what would have happened if you'd never done any of this in the first place. You've lost count or how many dreams you've been wrenched out of with a gasp, cold sweat beading on your forehead as you tried to push away the images of Law being killed in front of you, of feeling helpless to save him.

This, you decide, is far better than that.

ㅡ

This is the last island you've been able to mark on the map. Hendle has said nothing to you about what he plans to do with you, but you can assume it's nothing good.

Which is why you keep your eyes trained on him and the men that follow him, waiting until their attention is elsewhere ㅡ and then you bolt.

You know you're unlikely to make it far, but it's worth the way you can hear shouting behind you as you run as fast as your legs can carry you.

The chain clinks as you gasp for air, acutely aware of the burn of your muscles and ache of your body ㅡ but you keep going. You have to. Whether Law rescues you or not, you can't stand the idea of being around those thugs for another minute.

You'd rather die.

Something sharp bites into the meat of your left shoulder, makes you stumble and nearly topple before you correct your balance and keep going. Warmth leaks down your arm, white-hot pain that you use to ground yourself.

You can't defend yourself, best bet being that of running into someone who will be kind enough to help ㅡ and if you can make it that far in the first place.

You want to go home. You want the warm metal walls of the Polar Tang and the hum of machinery, the dumb jokes and silly arguments ㅡ you want your family. You want ㅡ

"Room."

Law.

"Shambles."

Your feet aren't kicking up dirt and pebbles anymore, the brief jolt jostling your shoulder and making you hiss as your legs give out.

You don't fall, though ㅡ familiar hands catch you, familiar tattoos ㅡ Law. He's here, he's real ㅡ he came to rescue you.

"You made it," you say softly as he picks you up, mindful of the way your shoulder is still bleeding. "You're late, though."

"I know." Law's lips press to your temple, and he closes his eyes as you lean into the touch. "I'm sorry."

[flowerwrites06]

affairs of state — knj

AFFAIRS OF STATE | Kim Namjoon | Oneshot | Request

Original Request: Can I request for a President Namjoon x Reader (she can be an assistant or a just a simple fun loving girl who meets Namjoon out of nowhere). Namjoon falls for her, BAD and try his hardest to make her the light of his life. Make it angstyyyyy yum I love angst 😭 – @sarzkh31 Plot: The allures of power and politics is a tumultuous one and it creates a strain on Namjoon's budding love. Pairing: President!Namjoon x Secretary!OC (Name: Minnie) Genre: Politics AU | Angst Type: Oneshot Rating: MA15+ Word Count: 3.8k+ Warnings: angst (messy encounters), sexual content (quickie, unprotected). Author’s Note: here we are the req for november! it's a little unedited, I apologize, this week got hectic for me but I hope you still enjoy!

Requests are open at the moment so click here to send your ideas in!!

The air in the main office held a subtle buzz each morning as Minnie entered, a stack of papers in hand. Late afternoon sun filtered through the transparent curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. Namjoon sat at his deep mahogany table, polished beautifully and adorned by files and vintage pen sets from leaders before him. His dark hair sleek back with just a strand over his forehead, lips pursed in concentration as he looked through the morning news. His black coffee sat next to him, exuding gentle plumes of steam.

Minnie took a few slow steps absentmindedly so she could admire his focus in solitude. But her heels tapped just enough against the wood to move his attention. “I’ve the latest reports for you,” she said, making her voice a blend of professionalism and warmth.

Namjoon fully looked up from his desk, brown eyes softening at the sight of her mimicking the slight melt of his heart. “Always diligent and on time with piling on work,” he said playfully.

Minnie chuckled, setting the papers on his desk. “It’s my job, sir.”

Namjoon placed the newspaper down as he leaned back in his chair, eyes never leaving hers. “And looking stunning is part of your job too?”

Heat crept onto Minnie’s cheeks, but she quickly composed herself. “Thank you, sir, but flattery won’t get you out of these reports.” She tapped the pile.

Namjoon grinned, only musing and relishing in her reaction. “I’m just appreciating my morning view.”

“Real smooth,” she raised a brow.

“It’s a skill,” Namjoon smirked. “Gotta hone it with you around.”

Minnie shook her head with a chuckle, turning to leave the office. “I’ve got some meetings for you in the late afternoon so make sure those reports are signed.”

“How about a meeting with you?” Namjoon leaned forward. “We must have some business matters to discuss.”

Minnie opened the door behind her with a playful gleam in her eyes. “Strictly business, I assume?”

Namjoon grinned. “Of course.”

Minnie closed the door immediately, biting down her bottom lip and taking a deep breath to calm the pounding of her heart. Every work day was going to be a near heart attack if this kept going.

-

Despite Minnie’s efforts in maintaining her façade of indifference, a subtle flow of emotions lingered at the back of her mind of Namjoon. She tried to shove those feelings down, anchoring herself in a veneer of professionalism so she doesn’t get consumed. However, her strength was not beyond certain sights.

In Namjoon’s mansion, Minnie organised a gathering amongst members of parliament. At the youngest hours of the party, Namjoon captured the people’s attention with his charisma and air of comfort. Minnie usually stood next to him, wearing a simple brown dress to blend into the hardwood floors and furnishings of the house.

Except deep into the festivities, while Minnie was distracted with the catering organisation, Namjoon was nowhere to be found, leaving a void in the proceedings.

A wave of politicians sent questions Minnie’s way, asking about his sudden disappearance. She reassured them with as much composure as possible before rushing to search for Namjoon.

Minnie looked to the bathrooms and bedrooms first but Namjoon was nowhere to be found. The final option was the private library where Namjoon went for his quiet hours. Perhaps he needed some time to breathe.

However, when Minnie reached the door of the private library, she heard the echoes of a woman’s laughter. It gave her pause for a moment before she continued.

Cracking the door open, Minnie’s eyes widened at the scene inside. Namjoon entangled himself with a woman, the actress who he had been speaking to. She wore a dazzling blue dress glimmering as they moved. Glasses half full of whiskey ignored on the coffee table, and a dizzying blend of perfume and cologne, the mix of Namjoon with his new lover.

Something twisted and gnawed at Minnie’s chest, a clear proof that the flirtations she’d been cherishing were just that. Harmless flirtation. Meaningless.

Gathering what strength was left in her, Minnie took a deep breath to calm herself. “Sir,” she spoke, her voice cutting through the room’s sensual air.

The actress and Namjoon turned towards her, the latter’s drunken smile waning.

“They want you back in the living room,” Minnie declared, her gaze unwavering.

Namjoon, grappling with the sudden intrusion, cleared his throat. “Right.”

The woman gracefully disentangled herself.

As Namjoon adjusted his dishevelled appearance in the mirror, Minnie looked away to maintain any level of control in the flurry of emotions being pushed deep into her chest.

The actress was left to deal with a failed opportunity in luring the country’s leader into a fling. She stayed in the room in perpetual silence.

Minnie and Namjoon stepped out of the room with that same suffocating distance forming between them.

“Minnie,” Namjoon called her name with such softness that it nearly melted Minnie back to her usual self.

But she knew better. The remnants of the woman’s perfume still lingered on his shirt and even as she looked up, a smudge of lipstick stained the collar of his shirt. Minnie hardened quickly. “We shouldn’t keep them waiting any longer.”

Namjoon tried to reach out to pull her back and Minnie stepped away, holding her hand up.

“You’re drunk, please.” Minnie intertwined her fingers together, trying to relax her nerves. “Let’s just go.”

Namjoon stammered, pain panging in his chest as Minnie turned her back to him again. All he could do was grapple with the reality of what he had done and follow quietly back to work.

-

The next day began as uncomfortably as Namjoon expected. Formality consumed the daily activities as Minnie gave him the rundown of the day without looking away from her computer screen. He hated how good she was at building walls around herself, making it impossible to push through without breaking his skull or going mad.

To distract himself, Namjoon tried to drink coffee and focus on the morning reports instead. His head ached from his irritating hangover that acted as steel weights on his back.

“Your first meeting is in fifteen minutes, sir.” Minnie broke the silence, her voice modulated and her eyes strayed away from him completely.

Namjoon looked up at her properly which was a terrible mistake. It forced him to look at her face chilled and distant, her beautiful curls hugging her face, a sage green shirt and a deep brown pencil skirt with her favourite pair of crème heels. She looked lovely and further away from him than ever before. “Minnie, we need to talk about last night.” He noticed her pause, fingers hovered over the keyboard and her throat bobbing ever so slightly.

“There’s nothing to talk about, sir.” Minnie said. “You’re a single man and you were with someone. It’s perfectly human and normal but there was just work to be done. Otherwise I wouldn’t have disturbed you.”

“Stop talking like that.” Namjoon didn’t mean for it to sound like an order but he despised every minute of being treated like a stranger by her. Out of all people, not her. “Please. Be angry with me, scold me, anything but don’t do this.”

Minnie’s eyes twitched when she finally saw the melted look in his gaze, choked full of sadness and regret. The twist in her chest made her wince. She looked back down at the laptop. “You made no commitment to me, Namjoon. We work together and you’re charismatic. Realistically, you would end up with someone like that girl. Even not, leaders like you always end up in bed with those girls anyway. I’m just glad we weren’t committed.”

Namjoon let out a light breath of disbelief. “I wouldn’t have done it if we were together.”

Minnie sighed. “You can’t know that for sure and I’m not waiting to see something like that again.” Irritation crept in her tone.

Namjoon welcomed it, however. It was better than cold. “You won’t see it happen again. I wasn’t flirting with you just because I could, I wanted to. I care about you.”

Minnie blinked slowly, a part of her so willing to soften and relish herself into Namjoon’s comforting arms. But a buzz went off in the office. She pressed the message machine. “Yes?”

“Mr. Jung is here,” the assistant outside spoke back.

“Let them wait,” Namjoon said.

“We can’t let them wait.” Minnie stood to her feet and walked to the door to welcome him. “It’s better if we leave this be.”

Those words crushed any little hope left in Namjoon of reviving what they had been tenderly growing. In a way, Namjoon understood it. In all this grand allure and beauty of the world he was in, Namjoon knew of the stories of leaders taking advantage of their power, using the people around them. That night Namjoon fell into the trap. Any excuse he used wouldn’t change that he repeated history that night and Minnie was simply choosing not to be the fool that falls with him.

Defeated, Namjoon didn’t argue further, fighting to preserve whatever work bond was left between them.

-

Two weeks had passed since their confrontation. Namjoon found more comfort in drinking whiskey to calm himself down while using every ounce of his sanity not to look over at Minnie whenever they worked. They only spoke in work terms nowadays without a single whisper of something playful or happy. For a moment, they had a friendly conversation about someone else before falling back into silence.

Minnie sat up quickly when it was time for her break at work to get some tea instead of coffee since her heart kept pounding against her chest. She smelled the lingering whiskey in the room mixing in his cologne and swirling in her head like a maddening song. As she reached the kitchens, she took a deep breath, leaning against the counter.

She turned on the tea kettle, letting the sweeping sound of heat calm her down.

“The boss stressing you out?” Woosung’s voice resounded as he came to fill up his cup of coffee.

“It’s good to get some air,” Minnie said, still focusing more on the sound of the tea kettle.

“I agree,” Woosung leaned his back against the counter. “I hardly get to see you by yourself. Maybe we could get some lunch for a few minutes.”

Minnie eyed him for a moment in confusion as the tea kettle turned off, leaving them with an awkward silence. “That’s fine, I still have work to do.”

“Dinner then?” Woosung asked. “I could get one of the other congressmen to take him to a club.”

“That’s not appropriate.”

Woosung chuckled. “We heard about the actress debacle, I don’t think he cares.” He spoke in between them, relishing in the gossip like that moment wasn’t cutting into Minnie’s heart. “It’s probably best you stay away from him.”

Minnie’s expression hardened, mostly to keep herself from falling apart again. “I work with him, that’s not really possible.” She put an earl grey tea bag into her cup and poured the hot water, hyper-focusing on the warm steam and delicate smell of tea wafting in her nose. Grabbing her cup, she tried to walk back to her office before Woosung stopped her.

“Listen, I’m just saying not to get obsessed with following him around.”

“And getting lunch with you instead at the expense of my job?” Minnie asked, raising a brow. “You think I don’t know why your wife left you?”

Woosung’s expression soured as he cleared his throat.

Minnie hummed in disapproval. “You’re not different. None of you are.” She brushed past him and stomped out of the room, feeling angrier than she did in Namjoon’s office.

-

Another gathering took place on a Friday night which Minnie planned as dread seeped through her veins like a disease. She wore a black dress this time on the night of the occasion and a set of pearls that her mother gifted to her when she received this job. It kept Minnie grounded in some strange way and she cherished the Band-Aid effect of the feeling.

Namjoon wore a stylish blue suit with a tie that had flecks of gold on it, making it shine under the Crystal chandeliers. He captured everyone with a smile that seemed to have forgotten any of that puppy dog pity he had before. As she expected. Namjoon had far too much padding and allure in his life to dwell on her for too long.

Minnie was just glad she left while the wounds could still heal and fade quickly. She kept an eye on the celebrations to ensure everything ran smoothly and for the most part, it did.

Until she saw the actress, whom Minnie found out was called Jangmi, a budding star in her industry and gaining powerful connections in her social circle. She wore a pretty, glimmering green dress as she whisked through the crowd like water against stone and carried herself to Namjoon.

Namjoon caught her presence and his expression turned into that of a slight dread. Minnie recognized it but didn’t think too much. It probably was just a fling and didn’t need to be addressed, yet somehow that felt more painful.

Almost as if any feelings shared between Minnie and Namjoon were enough to be toppled by a few drinks and loose lips. Weak and frail things they built.

Much to her distaste, Namjoon’s gaze moved to find Minnie and she quickly tried to look away. For a moment, Minnie wanted to run away somewhere but then the thing she feared most and expected least happened.

“Helmina, isn’t it?” Jangmi spoke towards her, while forcefully guiding Namjoon along like she was a queen and he was her puppy. “We’re so sorry for the…inconvenience last time, dear.” She patted Namjoons shoulder, pulling on a leash. “We’ll promise to wait till after the party this time.” She giggled.

Minnie pressed her lips into a thin line. “That’s fine, Ms. Kwon.” She attempted a kind smile.

“We don’t need to trouble my secretary on delicate matters now,” Namjoon said with a nervous tick in his tone.

“Oh, I’m just tying up loose ends. I just hate awkward situations.” Jangmi grinned, staring at Minnie like she was nothing but Namjoon’s furniture, patted down and soothed after kicking into it.

“I agree.” Minnie spoke through gritted teeth.

“See? Just a bit of friendliness.” Jangmi cupped his chin, leaning in. “I’ll see you after the party then,” she muttered near his ear before walking away.

Namjoons face looked ready to show his pity and apologetics but anger fueled Minnie like molten lava. It could’ve poured through her mouth and ears if she wasn’t taking a few breaths.

Minnie turned around and finally stomped away, sounds blocked in her ears and only her own heartbeat consuming her mind. She walked up the staircase, blatantly ignoring anyone who would try to approach her. Any slight comment would’ve been enough for her to explode. She needed to get away. Capture silence where she could to preserve her sanity.

Finding the nearest room, Minnie barged inside and slammed the door behind her. She pressed into her temples to ease some of her looming headache. The thickening smells of perfume, cologne, lies and messes. So many messes and yet still. . .still Minnie yearned for him. She hated that Jangmi could touch and hold him without worrying or caring.

Minnie gripped onto her arms as if attempting to comfort herself from the dreaded mix of deep fury and painful stinging in her chest. What was worse, her vulnerable state began to corrode through the layers of her skin, showing her off as open to people like Woosung who loved picking up broken pieces like they were prizes to be had. It only made her blood curdle more.

The door opened gently.

Minnie let out a sigh of frustration. “I don’t want to talk right now.”

“It looks like if you don’t, you’ll explode,” Namjoon’s voice echoed in her like freshwater streams and warm sunlight. “So maybe a few words.”

“This is your doing.” Minnie turned to face him, fisted hands at her sides. “You made out with her once and now she thinks she’s the First Lady, gallivanting around like she owns the place.”

“She’s in show business, it’s natural for her to be dramatic.” Namjoon gestured to the door, dark brows furrowed but his voice was still soft, even loving.

She hated it. She hated every minute of it. “It’s causing a scandal.”

“Everyone’s too drunk to really notice,” he said.

“Well, I noticed, it’s my job.”

“It’s not your job to protect my reputation.” Namjoon took a step forward.

“But if your reputation is ruined then it’s a scar on mine.”

“Is that the reason?” Namjoon moved close enough to tower over her.

“Yes, that’s the reason.” Minnie’s words began to grow reluctant as her heart pounded so loud that she was worried it may have echoed in the entire room.

“Are you sure?” Namjoon muttered low and intimately, leaning until their faces were a breath apart.

Minnie’s chest rose and fell. “I’m sure.”

“You don’t sound sure,” Namjoon whispered, hands still in his pockets and only his face hovering over her own. Testing her. Teasing her.

Just at the moment Minnie found home relishing in the closeness, she woke herself up and stepped back. “This doesn’t change anything.”

Namjoon straightened himself up and opened the door, calling for a guard. “Tell Kwon Jangmi to dismiss herself from the celebrations.”

Minnie’s heart jumped in shock. “Namjoon.”

“Inappropriate conduct.”

The guard nodded.

“Wait, stop,” Minnie called out. “You can’t do that, she’ll try to make a big spectacle out of it.”

“Her presence here makes you uncomfortable so I figured.”

“No, don’t send her away.” Minnie raised her hands in defense. “I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at you.”

Namjoon dismissed the guard and closed the door again, locking it this time. “I know you are. That’s why I told you to be angry with me.”

“You’re an idiot,” Minnie said, smashing open the dam and letting it flood. “You’re a big fucking fool. We had something nice and I cared about you, more than I’ve cared about anyone and you just find the prettier actress to get yourself off for a few minutes. I know you were single and were free to do what you wanted but I don’t want that.” She lifted her shoulders. “I don’t want to see you with someone else, I don’t—I want you to be with me.” Her eyes lowered to Namjoon’s shoes as the selfish statement poured out, leaving her exposed and raw.

Namjoon felt a burst of sweetness at the sound of those words ringing in his ear. The confirmation that he so desperately wanted to hear. He walked closer, breaking the distance and holding onto her cheeks like they were pieces of heaven in his hands. He pressed his lips onto hers, warm and loving.

Minnie’s racing heart began to flutter and sing from the kiss, relishing in his fingers moving down to her jawline and neck, ensuring her skin lingered with the memory of his touch. A smile formed on her lips absentmindedly as his kisses became patterned, small pecks as light as a feather before he met his eyes with hers.

“Say it again,” Namjoon said, still cradling her cheeks.

Minnie smiled. “It’s your turn now.”

Namjoon chuckled, nudging his nose against hers. “I want to be with you too.” He kissed her cheek. “All the time.” He kissed the other cheek. “Everyday.” Lips travelled down to her neck as he guided her towards the closest wall, pressing her against the surface. Hands explored the curve of her waist, gripping it tight before moving down to the back of her thigh, lifting her and wrapping her legs around his waist.

Minnie let out a little yelp before laughing breathlessly, reaching down to unzip his pants, the warmth and heft of his member rested free on her palm.

Namjoon bit down the sweet spot of her neck, letting blood rush to skin as his hips ground against her hand stroking his length. He used a hand to push aside her panties, the cloth peeling off the wetness.

Minnie positioned him at her sodden entrance and Namjoon pushed in, snug and full of delight. She let out a small whimper as the length of him filled her to the soft edges of her cervix. Minnie rested her forehead against his shoulder, as Namjoon carefully let her adjust to the feeling.

“You’re okay?” Namjoon asked.

Minnie nodded, cupping his jawline and smiling. “I’m okay.”

Namjoon started with slow thrusts, both to be careful but also to relish in what he may have shamefully imagined more times than he wished to admit. He gently brushed her hairline, tongue exploring her mouth as his thrusts grew deeper, groaning every time she clenched around him, pushing him to his high.

Minnie let out small breaths through her nose as Namjoon overwhelmed her in a kiss. She broke it for a moment as he became rhythmic, clothes rubbing against their skin until their skin felt raw and the heat between them clouding any sense of the world outside of their bubble.

A knock resounded on the door. “Sir, a few people are calling for you.” One of the guards spoke through the wood.

Minnie bit down her bottom lip to block out any noise.

Namjoon didn’t reply, brows scrunched and focused on their pleasure. Forehead pressed as he fucked into her with more desperation.

A whimper escaped from the back of her throat before she placed a hand over her mouth.

The knock repeated. “Sir. . .they’re being insistent.”

Namjoon groaned under his breath. “Tell them to wait.” The lace of frustration in his tone sent tingles in her lower belly, already filled to burst. He smiled down at her, pressing a kiss on the back of her hand before grinding into her, member pulsating and twitching as he rolled to the edge of his orgasm.

Minnie’s own climax ricocheted through her body like fireworks as he kept rubbing into her clit until her legs shook around his waist. His groans and moans vibrated through her body as she felt the warm liquid fill her to the brim. She let out a shaky breath, kissing his cheek.

Namjoon rested inside her as they began to catch their breaths, finding comfort and care in their embrace while chaos brewed outside. Finally, he placed Minnie gently back onto the floor before cleaning themselves up in the bathroom. Minnie’s legs wobbled as she walked for a moment which earned a chuckle from Namjoon.

“Sea legs?” Namjoon asked.

Minnie slapped his arm playfully. “Go and tend to your subjects.”

Namjoon smirked, giving her a final kiss as he returned to the prim and proper leader. “Yes, ma’am.” As he opened the door, their work faces formed back onto their flushed expressions naturally. And this time, Minnie welcomed it knowing behind that expression was someone that was only for her eyes to see.

masterlist

[vanteguccir]

HELLOOOO! i just want to say that i binge-read your works & they are IMMACULATE 🔥 I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH istg you’re one of the best writers here 🫵🏻

anyway! i thought of a something and i feel like you’d do it justice when u write it! i’m thinking of a matt fic where the reader & him are in a relationship but he’s still hung up on his ex and the reader’s well-aware of this but chooses to ignore it but then something happens that will make the reader realize that matt will never be fully theirs BUUUUT little did they know matt’s already falling in love genuinely and trying to make up for his mistakes of taking the reader for granted. SUPER SUPER ANGSTYYYYY THEN HAPPY ENDING OFC

note: this isn’t a request or anything :) just some random idea i thought of and it’d be nice if it’s gonna be written by u! BUT U MAY OR MAY NOT WRITE THISSS <333

HI BABY!!! omg thank you so much for the compliments, you're so nice 😭🩷 I LOVE your idea, so of course I'm gonna do it!!! it's gonna be posted soon 🩷🩷🩷

IT'S POSTED!!!

[goghtomars]

Family

🌻 Author Note - Timeline may be slightly incorrect, I couldn’t figure out a way to make it entirely match with the CM plot but it is close. Also, I made up a best friend’s name.

💥Warnings: angstyyyyy. Drinking. Pregnancy mentioned. Prison mentioned. Cussing.

You really didn’t think the wine would hit you this hard. A year ago, you could’ve drowned out your sorrows with a bottle of red and still been able to walk in a straight line. But now, now you're drunk, and only two glasses in.

“God, y/n, pregnancy made you a lightweight!” your best friend Elise jokes, watching you as you start to stumble in your kitchen.

“Shut up, I'm fine, I tripped on Athena’s pacifier” you lie, refusing to believe you’re any different after having your baby girl. You grab some water for yourself, moving back to your spot on the couch next to Elise.

“Uh huh, sure. Y’know it was all your idea to start drinkingI just wanted to see you and Athena” Elise tells you, giving you a look that says “I know you’re hiding something.”

You take a deep breath before exposing your concerns to her, asking

“How do you tell someone who doesn’t want to hear from you that you had their baby and really miss them even though you shouldn't?”

Elise sighs, concern taking over her face. “You’ve been thinking about telling him again?” she pries, trying to get more information.

“He deserves to know! It's his daughter, I - I can’t keep that from him. I know he left, but he had his reasons..”

“No! You cannot keep defending him, Y/n! He left you and he didn’t have to, end of story” Elise argues, making your heart pang.

“He was trying to protect me! He didn’t know I was pregnant!” you defend, not ready to give up on your love.

“He left you a voicemail, y/n. A voicemail saying that he couldn’t be with you anymore because he didn’t want to put you at risk. That's bullshit! That’s not his decision!” Elise raises her voice, tired of you defending the man who left you behind.

“You’re right. He messed up. It wasn’t up to him to decide if I could handle the risk. But Athena deserves to have a father, and the longer I wait, the worse it will be. And Athena is already two months old, she’s growing so fast, and he’s missing all of it” you explain.

“So what do you want to do? Just show up at his door with Athena? What if he is angry, what if he hurts you again, y/n?” Elise asks, worried for her best friend's already broken heart.

“I don’t know, I was gonna write a letter, is that stupid?” you ask, unsure of it all.

“I don’t think it's stupid. And you’re right, Athena deserves at least the chance of having her father in her life. If you think that a letter is the best way for you to tell him, then do it” Elise tells you, and you nod. You’re still drunk, which is probably the only reason you actually went through with writing the letter, but you’re thinking clearly enough to start putting words onto paper.

“Spencer,

I know it’s been a while. Nine months to be exact. I know you think it's best if I'm not a part of your life, but I need you to hear me out. The day you left me that voicemail, I didn’t pick up because I was in the bathroom throwing up. About a week later, I found out I was pregnant. By then it was too late, you were gone, and I was too hurt to call you up and force you back into my life. I stubbornly thought that I would be enough for our baby, a capable single parent. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I’m doing the best I can. She turned two months old a week ago, and she’s starting to look just like you. She’s beautiful, Spence. I wanted to be angry enough to keep you out of her life. But I can’t. She deserves to have a father, to have two parents who absolutely adore her. I don’t expect you to come running back to me. In fact, this letter really isn’t about my feelings at all. It’s about her. If you want to be a part of her life, and I mean it Spencer, a real part of her life not some fleeting presence, then you know where to find me. If not, well, I guess nothing really changes.

- Y/n”

It took you about an hour to write the letter, with all the times you had to restart on a new piece of paper because you had written the wrong thing or your tears smeared the ink. But it was done, sealed in a white envelope that you labeled with Spencer's name and address.

The next morning, you drop it off in the outgoing mail slot, and wait.

~~~~~~~~~

Spencer puts his key in the door and pushes, relief filling his body as he enters his apartment for the first time after being gone for so long. He’s a changed man, prison bringing out the worst in him. But he’s home, and after three months of being on edge, he is somewhat relaxed. He throws his keys on the counter, noticing the large stack of mail left there. Garcia, he thinks, making a mental note to thank her later.

He’s not in the mood to go through mail, much less write anyone back, but one envelope catches his eye. He would notice your handwriting anywhere, the messy mix between cursive and script permanently ingrained in his mind. His throat catches as he reaches for the letter, his mind racing with thoughts of regret and overwhelming sadness. He misses you, more than anything. Had Mr.Scratch not been targeting the loved ones of the BAU, he wouldn’t have ended things. But he couldn’t risk it, couldn’t risk putting you in harm's way, not after losing so many of the people he loved.

He tears open the envelope, pulling out the paper and beginning to read. His eyes scan word after word furiously, his heart pounding as he takes it all in. our baby, he thinks, y/n was pregnant

Spencer couldn't keep his tears in even if he tried, so overwhelmed with the news. His decision to leave you to protect you had lost him the opportunity of witnessing his baby growing, his baby being born. And now, he feels like he’s a shell of a man, a different person who is suddenly a father. He reads the letter again, this time noticing the gendered pronouns. He doesn’t know how he missed it before. She... she’s beautiful he rereads, fully absorbing the fact that he has a daughter.

Spencer doesn’t waste another second, grabbing his keys and running back out the door. Your apartment was only a few blocks away, no use in taking the car Spencer decides as he’s rushing out of the elevator. So, with his heart pounding and mind racing, he runs. He’s never run so fast in his life, and honestly he’s in no shape to be doing so now but even with his lungs heaving he can’t stop.

He reaches the building, gasping for air as he pulls out his key. She never asked for it back , he thinks as he unlocks the door, catching his breath as he hits the up button on the elevator. Spencer regrets taking the elevator as soon as he’s inside, his body tensing up being confined in small quarters again. But he shakes it off, focusing on the fact that he's seconds away from seeing you again. Seconds away from meeting his daughter. He darts out of the tiny elevator, turning left and running down the hall - he can’t move fast enough. Then he sees it, your door, with the same small floral stickers surrounding the apartment number. Before he can think twice, he’s raising his hand to knock on your door.

~~~~~~~~

You’re making yourself some lunch when you hear a knock on your door. “Fucking landlord i’m so tired of his bullshit” you mutter as you go swing open the door. The butterknife in your hand drops as soon as you see Spencer’s face there in front of you. “Spencer” you breathe out, in complete disbelief.

“Uh, sorry, here” Spencer fumbles, leaning down to grab the knife from the floor and hand it back to you. You accept it, eyes wide and in shock as you wait for what he will say next.

“I got your letter” he says, pulling it from his bag to show you - as if you weren’t the one who wrote it in the first place.

“That's it? That’s all you have to say to me? You got my letter. And what spencer? Give me a reason to let you inside” you say, tears already brimming.

“I was in prison-” Spencer starts, his body language shifting as he begins to explain himself, “for the last three months. I was framed, but that’s not why I left. I knew that the guy we were hunting down would stop at nothing to hurt everyone at the BAU and I couldn't- I couldn’t put you in his path. I couldn’t be the reason you got sucked into his mess. Really I didn’t want to bring you any further into mine-” he rambles, eyes looking into yours.

You finally take in how he looks, tired, run down, like he’s just been through hell. And from what he’s telling you, he has been. You go to open your mouth but he cuts you off, “then I got arrested, before we got him. And I don't want to lie to you and tell you that he’s gone. He’s not. But I couldn’t stay away. I- I left because I thought I was doing the right thing but it's not the right thing to do anymore," Spencer explains, emotion filling his voice.

“Then what's the right thing to do spencer?” you ask, praying he answers the way you’ve been dreaming of for the past nine months.

“Be with you. With our baby. I- I made a mistake, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. And if you don’t want me back because you can’t forgive me I understand. But I want to be here for our daughter. I'll make the time. I’ve got some time off from work and I can take more- I just- I can’t let her grow up the way I did. Without a father.” Spencer says, a single tear falling down his cheek.

He’s going to keep rambling, you know it, but you move to wrap your arms around him - surprising him enough to stop him from speaking. He smells the same, the masculine but sweet vanilla scent filling your nose again. He sobs as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you as close to him as possible. “I forgive you” you whisper through your own tears, Spencer's body stilling as he hears the words. He pulls away from you, looking down to watch your eyes, unsure if you’re just saying that because he’s crying all over you.

“Ten minutes ago, no, I wouldn't have. But I understand now, and I know you’re being honest. And god, I’ve missed you, Spence” you tell him and he pulls you into his chest again.

“I- Thank you. I’ll never do this to you again. I’m so sorry” he says as he holds you. It feels like time is standing still until your daughter’s cries sound through the door.

“Fuck. I gotta get her, she’s probably hungry-” you say and turn, but Spencer grabs your arm. “Can I meet her? Please” he begs, and you slowly nod, suddenly overcome with nervousness. You open the door wider, letting Spencer in so you can both set your stuff down and grab your daughter. He looks terrified, standing in the middle of your apartment waiting for you to tell him what to do. Her poor cries are making his heart pang, and he wants to run in the room to rescue her but he knows it’s up to you.

You grab his hand, pulling him along with you as you open the door to your bedroom - Athena crying from her cot next to your bed. Spencer gasps as he sees her, and you drop his hand, moving to grab your crying baby.

“Shhhh baby, i’m here shhh” you soothe her, Spencer watching in awe as she starts to calm down almost instantly. Athena is hungry, you can just tell, but she can wait a few more minutes to eat. Meeting her dad is more important.

“Spence, meet your daughter” you say, moving so that he can see Athena more clearly in your arms.

He is crying again, but this time tears of joy, of disbelief. You were right, she looks like him and she’s so beautiful. “She’s perfect” he says, his eyes not moving from her for even a second.

“Do you want to hold her?” you ask, and he nods, shakily moving his arms to accommodate her little body. You place her in his arms and she cries for a second, but then looks up at him and stops. Spencer doesn’t move, just looks down at his baby girl as she looks back up at him.

“Well I think she knows you’re someone special - she’d be crying for anyone else” you say, offering him words of encouragement.

“Hi, um, im spencer - no, i- uh- i'm your dad” he says to Athena, and she blinks unaware.

“She likes you” you tell Spencer, tilting your head motioning to the living room so that he follows. He carries her so gently, moving so slowly as he takes a seat on the couch.

“You said she was hungry, does she formula feed or breastfeed? Is that inappropriate to ask?” Spencer questions, making you laugh.

“You're her dad, of course you can ask. I breastfeed her but I pump as well, I’ve got a bottle I can prepare for her if you want to feed her” you reply, his eyes lighting up.

“I'll take that reaction as a yes” you say and grab your breast milk from the fridge, moving to warm it up.

Spencer looks precious holding Athena, he’s making faces and smiling, letting his guard down. Athena looks absolutely enamored with Spencer, like she intuitively knows she’s with her dad. “Here, she might fight back because it's not my boob but, it should be fine” you explain as you hand the bottle to him.

“I’d fight too given the other option” Spencer remarks and you’re astonished. Did he just make a joke? About your boob?

“Spence!” you gasp, and he looks just as shocked as you.

“Uh, Freudian slip i guess, sorry” he mumbles, focusing on getting Athena to take the bottle. “No, it's fine, just um, unexpected. It’s good to see you letting loose” you comfort him, watching as Athena takes the bottle with no problems. Shocker.

“Yeah, no going back now, she’s a daddy’s girl” you tell him, a little in awe of how fast Athena grew to love him.

“I love her” Spencer whispers, overcome with such an intense feeling of love he couldn’t even begin to put it into words. Spencer Reid is speechless, and he doesn’t even know his daughter’s name. Wait, I don’t even know her name, he thinks.

“Y/n, her name, I don’t - what’s her name?” Spencer asks, butterflies filling your chest.

You loved her name, it was perfect for her. Named after the Greek goddess of wisdom, it was only fitting for a child with the genes of a genius. But you couldn’t help but worry that he would hate it.

“Y/n? Please tell me, if she has your last name that’s fine. I understand, just, I want to know what to call her” Spencer begs, and you nod.

“Athena Diana Reid” you say, and Spencer's mouth drops.

“Listen- I know Diana isn’t my mother, and I wasn’t trying to overstep, but I figured that if Athena never got to know her father at least her name would be entirely related to him. I understand if you’re mad, but-” you start rambling and he cuts you off

“Marry me” Spencer says, moving the now empty bottle to the table as he stares at you. “W-what?” you gasp, unsure if you heard him correctly.

“Okay, that’s my fault, I know it’s unexpected but, you’re the mother of my child, and quite frankly the love of my life, and I spent so much time away from you wishing I was back here loving you and I don’t want to waste anymore time. Let’s be a family. Marry me, y/n” he proposes, and you’re crying. It’s the last thing you expected. In your wildest dreams all you hoped for was him showing up at the door, much less the fact that he would still be in love with you and adore your daughter.

“Yes” you say, and Spencer gets up from the couch, Athena still in his arms as he moves to kiss you.

It’s a cinematic kiss, other than the awkwardness of having a baby between the two of you. Regardless, it's magical, your lips moving together perfectly, just like they used to.

You pull apart, out of air, and Spencer smiles.

“In case you couldn’t tell, I love her name. Thank you for thinking of me, for including me even though I'm an idiot” Spencer tells you.

“Spencer, you’re a textbook genius. Shut up. And of course I thought of you, you’re all I thought about. I loved you - I love you” you correct yourself and he kisses you again, Athena squirming in his arms.

He starts to laugh in the kiss as Athena wiggles her little legs, and you just smile.

“I think she’s trying to get our attention” you say, and Spencer nods.

“Or maybe she needs to be burped” Spencer suggests, and you nod, replying

“Yeah, I think we’re gonna be just fine. You’re a natural”

“I’ve read a surprising amount of parenting books, just out of curiosity. Plus there was that one time I birthed a baby at work-” Spencer explains himself but you cut him off,

“Just take the freaking compliment, Spence”

~~~~~~~~~

Spencer didn’t go back to his apartment that night, not after finding a place where he felt like himself again. He knew he was damaged, you knew he was damaged, but if anything could help heal him, it was your love and his daughter, Athena Diana Reid.

[makuzume]

ur “forgetting their birthday” smau was a MASTERPIECE now pls make them break up >:D i want PAINNN

NOOOO That's so cruuueelll😔 omg everyone's so angstyyyyI love it let's go pain >:D

Draft of part 2 is still so-so in terms of what kind of route this will turn out to be BUT your idea DOES actually sound like one of my current WIPs right now I wonder how many people are interested😇

[jolapeno]

Ughhhh I’ve read up to and including chapter 4 and oh my god I just want to give this poor man a hug. This poor, sweet, IDIOT man who is in such deep love with his bestie(s), I-

FRANKIE WE LOVE YOU.

I loved the background to frankie we got in chapter 4 it was so insightful. And how angstyyyyy he made me feeeeeeel asking her to STAYYYY???? God.

You’re right. He’s a menace. I’m done for. Ruined! Wouldn’t have it any other way though!

I am FORCING myself to stop here because it’s after midnight and I am up early tomorrow but my god I would read this until it’s done if I had my way! 😅

okay so i was asleep, so the fact that I've read these both at the same time makes me howl (this and the one you sent after).

THE LOVE they both feel for one another just makes me wanna protect them forever. they're just in their own bubble of love not even realisingggggg. and i'm so glad you loved the background of frankie, it was something I've wanted to explore a bit, and it felt natural in this.

are you really stopping? because i have evidence that you did not stop reading...

[maladaptive-day-dreams]

Ceilings (e.m)

Eddie Munson x gn!reader, 16+ (soft) smut, 1.3k words Inspired by Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine, bolded words are the lyrics. I tried to use all of them but some didn’t fit well in dialogue or descriptions so they’re the ones included but crossed out. I am so sorry for this, it hurt so bad to write.

Content warnings: pre-established friendship, angstyyyyy, also sad, uhhh lil fluff and soft smut, (implied sex, no genitalia mentioned) mention of drugs (weed), I cried writing this

this gif is me when i realized what i’d done, sorry again (pls don’t hate me)

Ceilings, plaster Can't you just make it move faster? You’re sitting on the couch, high and disassociating while staring up at a shift in the plaster texture of the ceiling.

Eddie plops down beside you and tries to pull you into a conversation with him and Gareth but you can’t concentrate. Your eyes make their way back up to that spot on the ceiling. You think that you want to tell him it’s lovely to be sitting here with you Eds but everything around you shifts.

You're kinda cute but it's raining harder

You’re standing outside in the rain, unsure how you got there but Eddie is beside you. He chases you and grabs you around your middle, picking you up and spinning you around. You jump in puddles together and-

“My shoes are now full of water!” You squeal, laughter bubbling from your chest as you stare into Eddie’s eyes. You notice the crinkles that form at the edges, see the hints of amber in his brown eyes and think it’s lovely to be rained on with you.

It's kinda cute but it's so short

You blink and then "you're driving me home” you question. Eddie looks over at you with a confused look on his face.

“It’s almost your curfew, we can’t get in trouble again.”You look at the clock on the dash. It reads 9:53. “My parents aren’t home this weekend and I don't wanna leave.”

“But I have to go,” Eddie says. “I have to leave town tomorrow morning, remember? Corroded Coffin is playing in Illinois tomorrow night.”

“Oh, right.”

“We just need to stop at my place so I can grab the bag I packed so I can head over to Jeff’s after I drop you at yours.”

He stops in front of his house, and takes hold of the hand you’ve been picking at. You look up and your eyes lock, and he’s leaning in.

You kiss me in your car

His soft lips meet yours, its sweet and pure and everything you’ve wanted so you kiss him back. His hands come up to hold your cheeks and pull you closer to him. You place a hand on his chest and break the kiss to take a breath.

“I’ve wanted to do that for forever, y’know.”

“Can I come inside?” you ask softly. He looks at you with wide eyes. All of your control is thrown out the window and you let out a whined, “please,” pulling him in to you by his neck, breath lingering on his lips. 

He nods and comes over to the passenger side to help you out of the van. He takes your hand, passing your car on the way to the front door and ’it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before’ you think to yourself.

He opens the front door for you and you’re met with his bedroom. Eddie follows in behind you, arm snaking around your waist to take your car keys from your hand and place them on the dresser by his door. His calloused hands find a home on the skin just under your shirt and his lips press soft kisses up your neck. You take turns shedding each other of the layers keeping your bodies apart. Hands trailing, lips following as every expanse of skin is exposed. It’s gentle and intimate and now you’re both laying on his bedsheets, no clothes.

“Are you sure?” Eddie asks, hand cradling your cheek while the other draws circles into your hip. You nod.

“Touch me like nobody else does.”

And he does exactly that. Peppering your body with kisses, touching you in the most intimate places and the most intimate ways. He moves slowly, deliberately and worships the body you’ve laid bare before him. Making sure you’re satisfied, reveling in your noises and taking it slow when he finally fills you where you’ve needed him most. Slow and deep and everywhere. He’s everywhere—in the air, in your lungs, in your heart. He’s burrowed himself into the deepest part of you and you push off the inevitable emptiness to be here with him.

It’s been hours. You should be asleep but instead you’re watching the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest as he sleeps beside you. “It’s lovely to just lay here with you,” you whisper. “You're kinda cute and I would say all of this right now but I don't wanna ruin the moment.”

Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos

But it's over. And he stirs at 2 am, waking you up from what little sleep you were able to have so he can get you home and head to Jeff’s by 4 to start the drive to Illinois.

“Then, you're driving me home?”

“Yeah, I don’t have any extra tickets for the show and it doesn’t feel right leaving you in a hotel room up there alone.”

“Ok,” you respond softly, hands picking at each other. You want his hand on your thigh, you want his kiss on your cheeks, your name on his lips, you in his heart and you think back to last night. Was it not as important to him as it was to you? Was it all in your head? Did you imagine the soft “I love you”s that you swear you heard leave his lips as he came?

And it kinda comes out as I get up to go

You get to your house and grab your bag. Turning to him like you want to say something, you both start to talk at the same time.

“Sorry.” You say in unison.

“You first?” he asks.

“I-I don’t want to ruin us, our friendship.”

“How would you ruin it? I can’t think of anything that could ruin it,” he takes your hands in his. His thumbs rub circles into the back of your hands and you remember last night, the care in his eyes when he asked “are you sure?” You didn’t make it up, you couldn’t because it was right there. It was laced in his kisses and your hands as he held them into the pillows your head rested on. He had to feel the same.

“When you kiss[ed] me in your car, what did you mean when you said you had been thinking about doing that for forever?”

He’s silent for a moment, eyes searching yours. “I meant forever. Honest to god, I’ve had feelings for you since I first laid eyes on you. And last night? Last night was the best night of my life,” his eyes are on yours now. “I meant what I said too, I do love you. I do.”

You think to yourself, and it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before. You close your eyes to take it all in but it's not real.

And you don't exist together like that when you open your eyes. Staring at the ceiling still, Eddie nudges you. “You ok?”

You look to him and mumble a “mhm. Wiping your tearful eyes on the back of your hand and trying to remember the conversation you missed. “Sorry that drag hit me a little harder than the last,” you say laughing it off.

“Ah no worries,” Gareth reassures you. “I asked how it was going with that band geek you were talking to last week.

“Sheesh, not well,” you laugh dryly. “And I can't recall the last time I was kissed.”

“Oof we gotta get you someone soon,” Eddie jokes beside you. And you take another hit from the joint he holds out for you.

It’s been hours now. You’re driving home at 2 am, like Eddie was. It hits [you] in the car, and you let the tears flow freely this time, it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before you think. Pulling into your driveway you turn off the car and its lights and sit in the dark for a moment before screaming and crying and hitting your steering wheel with pent up frustration, anger and longing. You lean your head back and press your fists into your eyes.

On screen there was no happy ending for the best friend in love, why should real life be any different?

[spideymarvelws]

All writing is mine and is not allowed to be reposted on other sites thank you!

MAIN MASTERLIST

🤍 - Smut | 🖤 - Slight Smut | ⚪️ - Fluff | 🔳 - Angst | ◻️ - Slight Angst | ♣️ - Dark | ♧ - Dark-ish |  ♠️ - On Going | coming soonMAIN MASTERLIST

PETER PARKER X FEM!READER

Series

🤍⚪️ 🔳♠️ Nine Interns. One Island. Masterlist

Life tends to take unexpected turns. It takes you places that you never thought in a million years you would think you would end up. But never would you have thought it would have ended you up at an abandoned island with eight other people you just met, right after being accepted for an internship with the one and only Tony Stark…

⚪️◻️♠️ My Grandmother’s Ring (Royal!au) Masterlist

She hoped for a normal life for as long as she could remember but her fantasies and daydreams about this unreachable idea was nothing more than that. Well, until she snuck out only a few days before her official coronation for one shot at a life too far out of her reach. Little did she know the about the brown eyed boy that would catch her eye.

⚪️🔳♠️ The Dark Of Night (Stark!Reader) Masterlist

Your past seems to catch up with you but spider-man is there to help you out.

♡____⚔︎____♡____⚔︎____♡

One-Shots

🤍⚪️🔳♣️ Be Mine (Dark!Peter)

Peter Parker has been desperate for a connection ever since his break up with MJ, and with everyone in his life leaving one by one, he has turned to the only person that he knows in his heart will never leave him, you. With valentines day right around the corner, Peter goes to great lengths to make sure that you stay his one and only valentine.

🤍⚪️Here We Go Again (Stark!Reader)

Peter gets in trouble and Bucky just wants breakfast

🔳The Things We Do For Love

Sacrifices sometimes bring more pain that recovery

🤍⚪️Deal With It

Peter pulls you aside during Stark’s annual ball for a little bit of fun

🔳Trust Issues (Villain!Reader)

Peter has a set mindset when it comes to the people he spends his day to day life with, both in his real life and his superhero life. But feelings change all the time, especially when those feelings come from the one’s closest to you.

🤍🔳♧ Obeying Orders (Dom!Peter)

Request : Hii !! I want more Dom! Peter please 😸

🔳I Will Fight For You (Knight!Peter)

Request : (stark!reader) can i have some angstyyyyy peter? like peter and the reader get in a huge fight over something it can end happy i just need some angst lol

🤍The Movie Night (Dom!Peter) ⚪️🤍The Long Night (Dom!Peter)

You and peter have a fun time in the compound while the other Avengers are out. Well, mostly all of them.

🤍My Little Bunny (Dom!Peter)

Request : reader’s old childhood nickname is bunny, so when Peter figures it out he can’t help but to refer her as that. and like....if you wanted to turn this into a smut—-😳—- it could be something along the lines of “bunny‘s like to bounce, right?” “Bounce for me” JSKSK excuse me as I do the walk of shame 😞

🖤⚪️🔳It’s The Law [one] [two] (Alpha!Peter)

Being an omega was hard enough in the kingdom but being an omega maid was even worse. You were constantly told that you were nothing by everyone around you, constantly put down because of your status and class. But you never let them deter you, working even harder at your job despite every jab and sly comment thrown your way. Days became harder with time, the slander against your name growing harsher by age. Your dream of finding love in such a harsh environment becoming dust swept under the rug.

🤍⚪️Behind Doors (Fratboy!Peter)

Request : Playing truth or dare with college!Peter and MJ dares you to give him a (private) lap dance

🤍⚪️Pillow Fort

Peter is tired from a rough night of patrolling and comes home to you sleeping in your very own pillow fort

🤍Pretty Little Thing (Dom!Peter w/ Dom!Wanda)

Request : could you do like a dom wanda and peter x reader smut 😳

♡____⚔︎____♡____⚔︎____♡

Head Cannons

🤍⚪️Frat!Peter finding out the reader is a virgin 

Request : What would frat Peter! Be like if he found out the reader is a Virgin?

🤍⚪️Teasing Frat!Peter

Request : From your new doc Peter says “I think I’ll start off with my little slut,” I- that’s some content I didn’t know I would need 😂 if you could elaborate that would be amazing

♡____⚔︎____♡____⚔︎____♡

Blurbs

🤍Blurred Lines (Dom!Peter)

Request : Could you write overstimulation with Peter eating reader out and she's squirming and begging him?

PETER PARKER X GN!READER

One-Shots

⚪️♣️ one true love. (Dark!Peter)

Peter will go threw everything to keep you safe, protected and most importantly always his. He saw you as the person he observed and watched for the past few months, the sweet, kind girl that stopped to pet stray dogs or smiled at everyone who needed it. But somethings he never took notice of, some things that would’ve made him love you even more.

🤍⚪️◻️Breaking Point (Dom!Peter)

You and Peter encounter a problem with his super strength, luckily your powers come in clutch. 

🔳It Was Fun While It Lasted (Villain!Reader)

Despite your life on earth, your life with the avengers, you’ve always felt like something was missing. You never felt that longing to save the people of the world, their wide smiles and thanks never satisfied you like it did everyone else. That was until Thanos told you about your true past, your true purpose.

♡____⚔︎____♡____⚔︎____♡

Head Cannons

⚪️Taking Peter out to Target

Request : Peter Parker fluff- as friends or on a date, the reader and Peter go to target and cuteness, flirting and a lot of fluff happen 🥺

♡____⚔︎____♡____⚔︎____♡

Blurbs

🔳A Team

🗿r o c k

⚪️Heat Annoyance 

[alpacaparkaseok]

Heartbreak Ave.

When they’re in love with you but you have feelings for a different member (Hyung line)

→ tags/warnings: SFW, angstyyyyy (like, I’m sorry but at the same time I wanted to write something sad), no, there’s not a happy ending really idk so read at your own heart’s risk, but like really. I was listening to “Manos de Tijera” while writing this so it’s a wee bit heartbreaking

→ a/n: I don’t really write reactions very often but this seemed fun when @sierra-fics​ brought it up! I actually have one of your suggestions in my drafts, just haven’t finished it up yet. Thanks for the push, though! I love exploring different styles!

read the maknae line version here!

Kim Seokjin

he’s not surprised

it’s probably the worst part for him, the fact that he’s not surprised when your eyes light up as Taehyung waltzes in the room. 

he had been in the middle of plucking up the courage to invite you to try out that new Thai restaurant you’d been chattering about when Tae walked in

and you tried - you really did - to pay attention to what Jin had been saying, but you faltered a bit as Tae greeted you warmly and plopped down beside Jin

and Jin just watched, not surprised. 

although what does surprise him is how much it hurts

that pain where your heart literally, physically hurts? it’s an exquisite pain, one that takes his breath away

and it doesn’t go away

it doesn’t fade

so he ends up in Namjoon’s studio later that night, and Namjoon knows to wait for him to open up

Jin just stares for a while, blankly at the wall

“Does Tae like her?”

Namjoon already knows who he’s referring to. He’s known about Jin’s helpless crush on you for ages, he knew before Jin himself figured it out

but it’s the way that Jin asks the question so softly, so carefully, that Namjoon realizes with a start that this is so much more than a crush

and Jin looks at him, misery clear in his eyes but also clear resolve visible  even as unshed tears glimmer 

“Would you really let her go?” Namjoon counters gently. Because he knows. He knows that if Tae got the green light, you'd be swept up in a matter of seconds.

and it’s the way that Jin stares down at his feet, and the tears begin rolling down his cheeks, that has Namjoon sick to his stomach

Jin nods, and when he speaks, his voice shakes but he sounds so earnest that it breaks Namjoon’s heart

“I’d do anything for her.”

no words are exchanged after that for a long, heart-wrenching moment. it’s just Jin, staring down at his feet and quietly sobbing, and Namjoon, pulling him into an embrace. 

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

it’s surprising to Jin, just how much that soft phrase cuts through him. It sounds so final. 

because at the end of the day, it’s the only solace that can be offered to him. 

he lost. 

he loved, and he lost.

Min Yoongi

you’re sitting beside him in his studio when the realization hits him like a freight train

sprawled sideways in your designated swivel chair while you stifle a yawn and rub your eyes, Yoongi wonders when he let his emotions get so out of hand

because you’re offering him a shy smile and asking him a question that he numbly answers, but on the inside he’s a total clueless mess

when did he fall in love with you?

it’s something that will haunt him long after you leave that night, rushing out when you get a call from Hobi

for the second time that night, he’s hit with another realization

he’s still reeling from the fact that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with you, so when you gasp and grin when your phone light up with a call, he falters

it’s like being doused with a bucket of ice water, the way you whisper, “oh, it’s Hobi!” and politely ask if you can take the call before rushing out into the hallway

“oh,” he mumbles to himself as the door closes. “it’s Hobi.”

and he laughs. 

quietly, darkly. he laughs to himself, at himself, whatever. 

because of course it’s Hobi. his best friend, his vitamin. you two deserve each other. of that much he’s certain. 

he doesn’t waste too much time feeling sorry for himself; he’s logical enough to see that you two are probably a better match. it’s nothing personal.

so why does he stay in his studio all night, ignoring any calls or messages sent his way?

he’s not sure when he fell asleep, but next thing he knows he’s sprawled out on his little couch and you’re gently shaking him awake

“Yoongo? Did you stay here last night?”

his eyes crack open at the sound of your voice, just enough to be met with your sweet smile

and he, in his half-asleep state, smiles back. he reaches one hand up to gently brush back a strand of your hair, and he swears you lean into his touch

and when you mumble something about Hobi bringing breakfast up, Yoongi is hit with the third realization in less that twenty-four hours.

it’s startlingly simple: 

he wants to cry. 

so he excuses himself to the bathroom, and cries. sets a five minute timer so nobody gets worried and comes looking for him, and allows himself that time to cry. 

then, with machine-like precision, he washes his face and puts some eyedrops in, and goes back out to pretend like everything is fine.

and whenever Jin or Taehyung bring up acting, Yoongi knows. He knows, deep down, that he’s the best actor of all. 

because he still loves you

and you will never know.

Jung Hoseok

hobi has never been the most forthcoming with his emotions

he keeps them on lockdown

monitors them with military-like focus

so he knows the exact moment he begins developing feelings for you

(it’s when you brought Bang PD a bouquet for valentine’s day, just to make him blush)

and he knows the exact second when he fell in love

(it was when, after a grueling day at work, you silently walked through his door with his favorite goodies and left without a single word)

(you were wearing a yellow cardigan that day)

(he’s never looked at the color yellow the same way)

if he’s completely honest, he’s sometimes trying so hard to stay on top of his own feelings that he forgets to watch out for where your attention may be drifting

to be fair, you kept your own little crush on Jimin a secret

so when Hobi decides to get over himself and just shoot his shot, he decides he’s all in

and when you arrive at his apartment that night for a movie, you’re shocked to see a bouquet of yellow flowers in Hobi’s shaking hands

“hey” he breathes

you stare at the flowers, then at him

“hello...?” then, with a sinking felling, you point at the flowers. “are those for me?”

hobi smiles broadly. “yeah, they are.” and he hands them to you, allowing his fingers to brush up against yours 

it’s electrifying, that small touch

and again, he’s so focused on how electrifying it is that he misses the way you look like you might be sick

pale face, concerned expression

he misses it all, because he’s so nervous but so stupidly in love that he’s just barreling ahead.

gotta get this out of the way

ugh, feelings

and so when he leads you to sit with him out on the balcony, he takes a deep breath and looks at you with wonder in his eyes

and that’s when he notices the way you’re fiddling with your bracelet

not a problem, except for the fact that it’s the one he saw Jimin carefully choosing from an online collection

so when you keep fiddling with the bracelet and avoiding Hobi’s eye contact, he gets it

he takes a long look at all those emotions he keeps in check, and allows himself a moment of self-pity before reaching out and laying a hand atop your own

you immediately stop fidgeting and look at him with wide eyes. he can see with a pang how you’re trying to come up with the best way to let him down easy

so he does the job for you

“I just wanted to say thank you for the other day,” he says, forcing a light tone. “when you brought me those goodies after work. It really meant a lot.”

you blink, confused. “Oh. uh, you’re welcome.”

“and,” he drawls, a well-rehearsed smile clawing its way onto his face, “I wanted to snoop and get the inside scoop about Jiminie. I know he got you that bracelet. did he finally cave and confess to you?”

you look shocked, but you burst out into relieved laughter. “how did you know?”

he didn’t. “how could I not? he’s absolutely whipped.”

and you blush under the stars and begin to ramble, lost in your excitement and joy. 

and Hobi watches. smiling. supportive. laughing at the right spots and asking all the right questions. 

later, when you give him a tight hug and thank him for the fun night, he lets the words sting as you call him “such a great friend.” he lets them sting, relishing in the pain. 

he reminds you to take your flowers home, and you begrudgingly admit that they’re your favorite type of flower. 

he didn’t know. but that hurts, too. the fact that he got it right. 

Hobi never looks at the color yellow the same way again.

Kim Namjoon

he’s told you he loves you a million times now

every night, in every dream, he tells you how much he loves you

adores you with everything he is

you manage to find your way into his music, his musings, every piece of artwork he comes across

he's never been like this before

never, he’s sure of it

and everyone knows, except for you.

it becomes a strange game for the boys to play, dropping hints at every opportunity, laughing at your confused expression

Jungkook and Taehyung especially enjoy the chaos that they create, making Namjoon groan and grow embarrassed

but you have no idea

or are you just willfully ignorant?

all Namjoon knows is that he’s swimming in his feelings for you, completely lost and on the verge of drowning

but, oh, what a way to die

he’s never been able to stop himself when it comes to you

and he considers himself rather disciplined, but the way you make him feel he could throw caution to the wind and give it all up

so when you end up staying late one night at the apartment, the boys manage to convince you to stay

“there’s plenty of room” Jungkook muses, feigning deep thought. “besides, it’s too late for you to drive back tonight. just stay.”

and while Namjoon wants to kill them all for the way they offer up his bed to you, he thinks he might actually die when you reluctantly agree with a yawn

he knows he should offer to take the couch, but something stops him

it’s like he physically can’t

“I don’t mind sharing the bed” you state, squinting at him while wearing his basketball shorts and oversized t-shirt. 

you look adorable. he’s unsure of how he’s even functioning right now, to be honest. he’s melting.

“just keep your snoring in check, loser”

and he’s back to laughing, turning off the light and hopping into bed

you’re so far away

why are you so far away?

“hey” he whispers, the sound so loud in the quiet. the only other sound is the muffled voices of the other members, no doubt down in the kitchen gossiping about the events of the night

“hey yourself” you whisper back, turning to face him

he can see you in the moonlight, his eyes having adjusted just enough.

and he wants to kiss you so badly

so he smiles, heart leaping when you smile back

and he reaches out, gently tracing your jawline. 

you say nothing, heart thundering in your chest

because to be honest, you’re confused 

why is he looking at you like that?

but you don’t ask as Namjoon takes a deep breath, steadying himself before propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at you with an adoring expression

your eyes flutter closed as he brushes his thumb against your cheek, and he can feel your heartbeat racing

your reaction gives him all the courage he needs as he leans down, lips capturing your own in a long, sweet kiss

and he’s going out of his mind because he finally kissed you, didn’t he?! finally!! 

but those are your hands on his chest, and instead of pulling him in closer you’re gently pushing him away

“namjoon.”

he’s never hated his name so much.

“I’m so sorry- I- I thought that maybe-” he stutters, pulling himself upright as you do the same, and he launches out of bed, hands in his hair “I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable-”

“Namjoon.” you repeat, and he notices now how utterly distraught you look. 

because you’re still confused, but there’s one name rolling around in your head even as you can still taste namjoon on your lips. 

“I...” you shake your head, unsure of what to say. “It’s just...”

and he’s looking at you with big eyes, taking in every single word you say. and you want to take it all back, want to let him kiss you until you’re breathless, but your heart won’t let you. 

“Just what?” he asks quietly, afraid of the answer. so afraid

“...Jungkook.”

two syllables, and his world comes crashing down around him. 

namjoon is silent, avoiding your gaze as he grabs one of the pillows off of the bed and a spare blanket, heading toward the door. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch. I’m sorry.”

and he’s gone before you can utter another word. 

sure enough, the boys are still downstairs, and they all fall silent as Namjoon appears, throwing the pillow down on the couch. 

“Hyung!” Jungkook asks, scrambling over. “Hyung, what happened? What are you doing down here?”

Namjoon can’t bring himself to look at the maknae, not when he can still picture how it felt to kiss you. not when those few seconds of paradise are still on his lips. 

“Didn’t wanna wake her up with my snoring.”

because how could he ever be angry at the boy that looks at him like he’s his savior?

--

m.list || buy me an orange juice?

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[beautifulterriblequeen]

Proof of Life, part 2

part 1

So, to further examine the idea that Moonshadow elves can sense heartbeats, how do they use these heartbeats other than for tracking targets? Well. I think they use this sense to track each other. I think that's how Ethari's lotuses work.

Rayla tells Callum that the assassins' flowers float as long as they live and breathe. But what specifically counts as "living" as far as Moonshadow magic is concerned? A heartbeat.

Rayla's lotus pings regularly on top of the water. Are those pings literally her heartbeats? Could Ethari sit by the pool and watch her heart speed up when she fights, or when she's smooching her favorite step-prince? Uhhh Ethari, a little privacy please! 🤣

But Runaan's lotus has sunk halfway. I don't think it can sense his heartbeat anymore, and that's why it assumes he's dead. He's beyond the reach of its senses because he's left the realm of the living. What else is a poor tracking lotus supposed to assume? Usually, when you leave the land of the living, it's because you're dead dead.

I'm really not sure what's holding it up off the pool floor, actually. Is it his breathing, because there are bubbles around the lotus? Or is it just Plot Armor?

Either way, I think I finally know what the ting noise was when Runaan was shown inside his coin.

The ting seems to represent the Moonshadow heartbeat sense. Rayla uses it on the castle roof to sense Runaan's presence.

And Runaan uses it from inside the coin.

It looks like an instinctive call for help when he does it--his mouth moves at the same time, but he doesn't seem to be saying any specific words. It looks more like a wordless cry of panic, but if we could give it words, it might sound like I'm here, I'm alive, can anyone hear me? Except the ting can't travel past the coin's edges, and so no Moonshadow elves can sense it. Runaan's magic got put on mute.

I'd say here that Lain's and Tiadrin's magic also got muted by their coins, but maybe Runaan ghosting them took care of that part already. Ethari's reactions to Rayla seem to indicate that he genuinely couldn't sense her heartbeat behind him in his workshop. Gosh, ghosting really is Moonshadow for "You're dead to me," isn't it? 👀 Erasing the familiar beat of someone's heart from your magical perception is very angsty indeed.

Back to the coins: How horrible to possess this deeply instinctual ability to reach out and find connection with others, and then have it suddenly be useless. How alone, how isolated, how non-existent, must Runaan, Tiadrin, and Lain feel, when they can neither feel others' hearts nor make their own be felt. Holy cats. Moonshadow elves' whole gig is sensing and appreciating life. They must not feel like Moonshadows at all in their coins. The depersonalization is real. They really are hellcoins, huh. Goddamn. Angstyyyyy!

But, uh. Can I make it even angstier? Yes I can!

Remember Rayla's oath during the binding ceremony? "My heart for Xadia"?

You know what Rayla is really swearing here now. She's dedicating her actual life, the beats of her physical heart, to being an assassin. She's vowing to die in service to Xadia, however long that takes. Runaan seems to have done exactly the same thing, always expecting to die in service, accepting his fate when it came for him on Harrow's balcony. The novelization of S1 makes Runaan's mindset here really clear.

But he stops her from re-swearing this line after he kicks her off of his mission.

He knows better than she does what she's sworn, and what it will cost her. (and just to yeet in a sudden idea: why is Rayla drawing her swords to re-swear her oath? Is she about to make a blood promise that not even Runaan can save her from? Is that why he gets all bossy and physically stops her--because if she sheds even a drop of her own blood with that oath, he can't save her life? woah) When Runaan finds himself on King Harrow's balcony a few hours later, he' s long since come to terms with his own fate. But he's not ready to come to terms with Rayla's fate. No parent wants to outlive their child. Even Runaan isn't hard enough for that.

Okay, here, let me end on a softer note.

"Lunabloom" has a moment where Runaan waxes nostalgic for the night that he and Ethari "promised their hearts to each other".

If a heart means life to a Moonshadow elf, then the night Runaan was remembering was the night that he and Ethari promised each other their lives.

And when Ethari told Runaan, "My heart goes out with this one," he was saying his life would hang in the balance until Runaan returned, that he couldn't live properly without him. And Runaan immediately comforted him by telling him he'd come home safe and sound so Ethari wouldn't have to worry for long.

I'm not crying, you're crying.

No no that's me too, my bad

[angeltears-writing]

can i request some angstyyyyy stuff because iM a suCkEr for pAiN me→🤡 how would the brothers (separately) react to their s/o finding out they cheated on her and she breaks up with them and how it goes down and their regrets(?) how/why they cheated and if they did it on purpose and if it meant anything thankkkssyouu🥺

The Brothers cheating on MC

I hope you like this one, I couldn’t do angst for Asmo he doesn’t deserve it!

 Lucifer

It’s like his world suddenly turned to ice, his stomach dropped to his feet when he opened his eyes and saw you staring at him.

His words were stuck in his throat as he saw you turn and run away into the crowd.

It had been a stupid dare and he was drunk, Diavolo had dared him to kiss one of the cute witches that were at the party and he had against his better judgment.

Things had heated up with that kiss, her hands looping around his neck and his tongue being pushed down her throat.

His shame hit him like a cold bucket of ice water, waking him from his drunken state.

“MC! Wait!” He raced after you wanting to reach you and tell you it was all a stupid mistake and he didn’t mean any of what happened.

He found you outside in Diavolo’s garden, crying all by yourself in the cold.

Your sobs were like slashes against his heart, he caused this. He did this by being unfaithful to you.

He knew nothing he said to you now would make up for his betrayal and the humiliation he caused you.

He knew it would take some time to win you back after this and he was a patient demon.

He watched you from afar and decided breakfast in bed tomorrow was a good start as any, for now, he’d make sure you had some space while you processed the emotions.

Mammon

It had been constant fighting at the house, mainly between you and him.

He wasn’t sure what had been happening but your relationship was facing a fight after fight, after fight.

You felt sensitive because he wouldn’t stop calling you lowly human and asking you for money constantly. He felt annoyed because it felt like you were getting closer to his brothers and kept taking their side in their fights with him. Both of your insecurities had been bubbling over into passive-aggressive behaviour, snide remarks, and quick bitter arguments. He felt like you didn’t care about him anymore and decided he’d try to stop loving you back.

That’s why he found himself spilling all of his complaints about you to the cute, sweet witch who summoned him. She seemed different than the other times she summoned him, she calmed him down and was nurturing. She also seemed to support his side of the argument which you of lately scarcely did.

So when she moved in on him and kissed him, he didn’t exactly push her away.

When she suggested he spend the night, the next day and The next evening with her he couldn’t say no.

Until he caught her trying to cut him up then this little tryst was over.

He finally returned to the Devildom feeling stupid and angry, when you greeted with tears in your eyes asking where he had vanished to he felt terrible.

You did care about him and there he was returning from his cheating session where he had been bad-mouthing you constantly.

He knew this would turn out badly but he regretted his actions as soon as he saw your face. He came clean.

Your biggest fight yet happened, you shouted, screamed and cried so much you lost your voice and nearly got sick.

He pleaded for forgiveness and tried to explain himself but you were having none of it.

You decided to stay locked up in your room for the rest of the week and were ignoring his calls, bangs at your door and when he tried to talk to you at dinner.

He was broken inside and wished he could turn back time and stop himself from messing up.

Levi

To say your relationship was perfect with Leviathan would be accurate.

You guys respected each other’s interests, you did everything together and you were each other’s hype men and supporters.

So when Levi started a new online RPG game, invited you to play with him and you died immediately every time you restarted he tried to bite his tongue. There were plenty of things you were good at and this just wasn’t one of them.

Soon you said screw it and decided to stop playing altogether, he met a new player who sent him a friend request.

They followed Levi, helping him out during quests and sending him gifts so he sent his Devilcord name. They talked over voice chat while they played and he often forgot you were even in the room.

He was always chatting to his new friend, laughing at their jokes and complimenting them.

You felt like a third wheel and your boyfriend wasn’t making things better when he shouted out that he loved this new friend more than anything in the world after they defeated the mega boss together.

He didn’t even realise you left the room crying, you guys had been together for months now and he had not told you he loved you once.

He told everyone at breakfast that his friend was coming over to visit him that night so they all should stay out of his way.

Levi rushed past you when there was a knock at the door that night and who was waiting there but a pretty succubus in a tight low cut top, her hands were immediately on Levi’s arms and she pressed her body against his.

He didn’t stop her or even blush!

He led her to his room and closed the door, you entered after a few minutes and found her giving him a kiss on the lips after he defeated a boss.

You left slamming the door as you stomped to your room.

Guilt flooded Levi, he didn’t know you were there and didn’t know why the succubus was kissing him.

He pushed her off and told her to get out.

He pounded on your door begging you to let him explain, the door flew open and he was met with your tear-streaked face.

It was like he was stunned, you told him the kiss was just the tip of the iceberg of his cheating, he had not just cheated on you physically but emotionally too.

After being cussed out by you, he went to his room and locked himself in there, not playing a single game or checking out any new anime’s. He felt he didn’t deserve to after what he did to you.

He wallowed in his self-pity and stopped coming out to eat meals because he couldn’t face you.

Satan

He had high standards and lately, it seemed you weren’t measuring up.

Things you did he once called cutely were not apparently embarrassing for him.

He called you from RAD and said, unfortunately, he had to cancel your date to the art museum that night, for the fourth time this month. He said he had to go to the human world for an event.

Well you decided you could go to the art museum without Satan, so when you arrived and saw a tall blonde demon with his arm draped around the waist of some curvy succubus, you tried to brush off your suspicions.

That is until you heard his familiar laugh. You decided to spy on him for a bit.

He led her around the museum, laughing at her jokes, telling her that she was more beautiful than the art on the wall.

You felt like crying but when you saw her go to the bathroom you decided to confront him.

“Hey what the hell is wrong with you? You canceled our dates to hang out with her!” You were going to let him have it.

“Oh MC, well I guess my messages have not been getting through to you, MC I’m sorry you caught me like this but things haven’t been working out between us and I found someone I’d rather spend my time with.”

He seemed slightly annoyed and embarrassed when you started crying.

“I guess I’ll see you at The House of Lamentation, MC.” He marched off and joined his date leaving you alone.

Enjoying the night without you.

Asmo

The Avatar of Lust was someone who you did not expect to be monogamous but he said he’d give it a shot for you.

That promise lasted 3 weeks.

You came home and followed to the loud moans and screams of delight to his room and walked in on him in the midst of an orgy.

When he spotted you he didn’t even seem embarrassed, he just smiled and gestured for you to join.

Instead, you ran to your room and stayed locked in there for hours.

You heard a knock at the door and saw it slowly open, Asmo stood in his nightgown and held two face masks and a pleading guilty smile.

“MC-“He started but you turned so your back was to him. He let out a low giggle.

“Look, I love you MC, I have a great time with you. You understand me and make me feel special. You’re supportive and kind and I just love everything about you. But I can’t be in a closed relationship, I only having romantic feelings for you my love but as the Avatar of Lust, I need to be sexual with others. I hope you understand and we can make this work. If you want to continue and talk I’ll be in my room.”

He left the face mask on your bedside and closed your room door after he left.

Would you be able to share him with others in such an intimate way?

He did make you feel special, loved, supported and he was always taking you as his plus 1 to every event. He gave you special beauty treatments, took you shopping for anything you wanted from clothes, jewelry, and desserts. You were a permanent feature on his Devilgram none of his love-making buddies made it on thereafter he was done with them.

You looked at the face mask and made up your mind.

Beel

It was your anniversary at Devils Kitchen, Beel had been raving about this steak he was eating, he practically inhaled the thing.

He said he’d never tasted something like that before it was like his dream meal.

So when the waiter dropped off complimentary desserts from the chef who made Beel’s steak and was told the chef wanted to meet Beel after he was done, you tried to brush off your feelings of jealousy.

When you met the cute succubus who seemed to instantly connect with Beel, you swallowed your words and plastered on a smile.

The next day when you were meant to hit the gym with Beel you found him in the kitchen with the Chef, they were laughing together making chocolate truffles and feeding it to each other.

“Ah, what’s going on here Beel?’ you said interrupting their giggling session.

“Oh MC! You’ll never believe it, my new friend here just invited me to this great food tasting event in the next town. I’ll be away for a week” The “new friend” gave you a cold fake smile that told you exactly what you needed to know about their intentions.

Well you trusted Beel and wished him well on the trip, I mean it took him a while to open up with you and a place filled with food would mean he wouldn’t be interested in this succubus.

On his second night, you got a call, it was Beel. His voice sounded depressed and strangled.

“MC, I’m sorry. I messed up, I didn’t mean for this to happen! It was an accident I swear.”

Tears pricked your eyes, “Please tell me you ate all the food at the event.” You managed to push out.

“Oh MC…I’m sorry we were getting along and it was late. Suddenly we were kissing. It didn’t mean anything though I only want you-”

You hung up, you hoped that he would stay away for the rest of the week so you could cry in peace.

You tore up your couple pictures and sobbed yourself to sleep.

He came back home the next day but you pretended not to hear or see him.

He was aching inside he wanted to make it up to you, show you it was just a mistake. He didn’t mean it.

Belphie

He had been colder towards you recently, Lilith’s birthday was soon and all of his human phobic feelings were coming back up.

He had been trying to provoke you and hurt you, taking out his frustrations on you.

Nothing had made you break though, you just kept telling yourself and him that you’d be there for him and support him whenever he wanted to talk or just be held.

He felt like you were provoking him, pushing him to hurt you by responding the way you were.

So he took it further he found some random succubus and called her to dinner in front of everyone. He put her on his lap and would not stop kissing her and complimenting her. He looked right at you when he was doing this.

He had a sickly smile when you left the table in tears but seeing you like that he felt terrible.

He told the succubus to get out and knocked at your door.

He told you to open the door or he’d break it down, you unlocked it and he came inside.

“Look Belphie, I’m on your side. I thought that since we were together we’d work things out together but tonight it was too much. You went too far.”

“MC, I’m sorry I was being an ass for no reason, I tried to hurt you. It seems like I can’t stop hurting you. I’m sorry I should just go.”

He knew he was being stupid and he knew to hurt you was wrong but he did it anyway and for what.

He regretted his choices but decided it was best if he left you alone, he didn’t deserve you anyway.