#MAKE LIVE ACTION DOOKU YOU BASTARDS

[jessicafangirl]

WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU WANT DISNEY.

[antianakin]

I mean, in all seriousness, Anakin's the main character of an entire trilogy and arguably an entire TV show in this franchise, a main villain of another trilogy, and a major side character in a recent miniseries, not to mention the protagonist of multiple novels and comic books at this point. He's made to be enjoyed, in whatever way you choose to enjoy him. I don't really care that people like him, if he compels you, that's the point.

I personally don't find him compelling because there are aspects of him that I don't find well-written and because he's the kind of person that really really repulses me in real life and I love the Jedi that he genocided and disrespected. But that doesn't mean that I don't generally understand why fans are drawn to him. We've spent a LOT of time on Anakin, on his backstory and motivations, his journey is the impetus behind the entire six film story, it literally moves everything.

I think I love the Jedi SO MUCH MORE than I am fascinated by Anakin, though, so his fall doesn't hurt because it's a tragedy for Anakin, his falls hurts me because it's a tragedy for the Jedi. And Anakin "coming back to the Light" in the end isn't as impactful for me then because wow does it not do anything for the Jedi really. They're all still genocided and persecuted and in hiding.

But it's not like I DON'T love some of the villains in Star Wars. I am personally very amused by Palpatine, I love how much that man just loves causing chaos and misery, I love how melodramatic he is every time he swoops in to ruin everyone else's day, he's just plain FUN.

And I was compelled by Ventress to some degrees, I absolutely ADORED Reva (who was arguably not a true villain but she was definitely an antagonist), so it's not like I'm entirely immune to characters who are or go dark for sympathetic reasons and struggle to find their way back. Anakin just doesn't do it for me lol.

The reason this post came about was just because a lot of fans (generally rightfully so) feel so so bad for Anakin and his tragic life and get caught up in it and yet everyone else who goes bad (Palpatine excepted) in actuality has immensely more sympathetic reasons for having done so. The narrative presents Anakin as an incredibly sympathetic and tragic character, but when put up against the others, he's just... not quite as sympathetic and tragic.

But Anakin having the immensely selfish and stupid reasons for going dark that he does is, in many ways, the point of Anakin, as well. Yeah, he's selfish and greedy and absolutely never really needed to save Padme from anything to begin with and his actions proceed to cause her death anyway. It's stupid, it's an immense failure on Anakin's end because he's a selfish greedy bastard, and that's kind-of the big core of the entire choice he makes. Anakin cares exclusively for himself and gets away with that for a while right up until he doesn't and it blows up in his face. Anakin causing his own misery is completely the point of his story. He's a selfish asshole and gets what selfish assholes deserve: a lifetime of loneliness and misery and pain.

A few of the examples I utilized above are explicitly foils to Anakin's story. Quinlan in particular, Barriss to some degree, Dooku certainly, Ventress. They're ALL put up against Anakin to show what it looks like for others to go dark, what would motivate THEM to do dark deeds, and while for a lot of them it ends up being selfish desires for power same as it is for Anakin, a lot of them don't also START selfish which is where Anakin loses me. Quinlan wants to risk his life to stop a war, Dooku wants to bring justice to the Republic and his people, Barriss also wants to stop a war and is having an identity crisis. Anakin... wants to save his wife from a thing he can't prove is even going to happen because he refuses to live without her.

The others ARE better than Anakin. They're almost ALL better than Anakin, they began as better people, and even when they made the choice to go dark they were doing it for better reasons.

I don't know that I agree that this means none of them could commit the atrocities Anakin does, Maul and Dooku absolutely could and very much do. Dooku is literally helping start and run a GALACTIC CIVIL WAR for years. Dooku builds an entire slave army that they plan to mind control into being living weapons to take out the Jedi. Dooku's dead by the time that plan gets executed, but he was very instrumental in making it happen at all, so I feel like Dooku gets an equal 33% of the blame for the genocide of the Jedi along with Palpatine and Anakin. Maul is literally out there to commit chaos with violence and regularly commits massacres because he physically cannot care about anything or anyone that isn't himself. If handed the opportunity to commit the atrocities that Anakin was asked to commit, he would 1000% have done it.

So yes, Anakin's a compelling character because he is inarguably the character we as an audience have spent the most time with and whose choices define the story's biggest beats. It's not unsurprising how many people relate to him and sympathize with him after the story worked so hard to make sure you did. I'm not ignorant of it, I just... can't relate I guess.

It's hilarious that a lot of the main darksiders and Sith all have WAY more sympathetic reasons than Anakin does for why they're Sith, or why they Fell.

Maul apparently was literally stolen (or given away) as a child and raised by a Sith, he had zero choice in becoming one.

Dooku became disillusioned with the corruption in the Republic and how it was taking advantage of and hurting its own people that he had sworn his life to protecting and then got lost in searching for the power to try to protect those same people.

Savage is literally magicked into being Dark against his will because he sacrifices himself to spare his younger brother the same fate.

Quinlan Vos's falls (one in the comic, and one in the novel) are both about trying to end the war by infiltrating Dooku's inner circle as his apprentice and not realizing how far he's fallen in the process.

Barriss Offee becomes disillusioned with the way the Senate has taken advantage/control of the Jedi Order and gets lost in her own grief over what she's been asked to do in the war.

The closest to Anakin's bullshit reasoning is actually Asajj Ventress who becomes a slave as a baby, spends some years learning to be a Jedi, and then goes dark after she loses one person because misery loves company.

But Anakin literally commits whole genocides because he's scared of losing someone who's NOT EVEN DEAD YET. He's not even reacting to a loss that's HAPPENED TO HIM, he's just searching for power to stop someone from ever dying who is perfectly alive and in good health with no signs of kicking the bucket any time soon.

Like. Talk about an unsympathetic backstory. And it didn't help that every other Darksider (aside from Palpatine) managed to have a WAY more sympathetic reason for them having turned Dark than Anakin does.

What a weak-willed pissbaby.

[firondoiel]

Your top 10 QuiObi headcanon facts pleeeease! (Bonus points for cuddle-related stuff but anything goes) Tag some friends so they can also share their QO HCs ❤

Thank you for the ask! ❤️ I don’t know that these are my top 10 or even all that original, but whenever I’m asked to name my top anything, I forget all the thoughts I ever had on the subject.

Their size difference makes cuddling the best because Qui-Gon can easily wrap up Obi-Wan in those long limbs, and they fit perfectly together. After all the loss in his life, holding Obi-Wan like this makes Qui-Gon feel like he can protect this one, keep him safe. Obi-Wan feels so, so wanted and loved.

Qui-Gon is an ass man and can verify that Obi-Wan’s butt is perfect.

Obi-Wan’s love language is acts of service. Qui-Gon’s is physical touch.

Qui-Gon is naturally a warm and sympathetic soul who feels everything deeply, but Dooku made sure to train him to not voice those emotions. Instances like dismissing Obi-Wan for Anakin during the Council scene happen because he lives so in the moment and is an intensely passionate person deep down. It can lead to him having “tunnel vision”. (Side note, he regretted his words as soon as he spoke them in the Council scene. The novelization even goes into him feeling badly about hurting Obi-Wan. Doesn’t make it okay, but he’s NOT a cold, heartless bastard)

Obi-Wan makes the first move. Qui-Gon is too aware of the inherent power imbalance between them to allow himself to do anything first.

That power dynamic does tend to lead to soft dom Qui-Gon and submissive Obi-Wan in the bedroom though.

Both of them are decent cooks.

The JA books have this well known line “(Qui-Gon) looked forward to the day that the two of them would work side by side as Jedi Knights, but with this thought no image came”. That moment during his death scene in TPM when he strokes Obi-Wan’s cheek? One of the many emotions in that action was relief. Now Qui-Gon knew why he couldn’t see Obi-Wan as a knight.

Okay, back to cuddling. Qui-Gon is the cuddler. He is the one who initiates it after sex. He’s the one who spoons up behind Obi-Wan as they fall asleep and also holds Obi-Wan close for a few moments in the morning after they wake up.

When they’re asleep though? Obi-Wan becomes a koalaing octopus.

Tagging @sanerontheinside @luvvewan @tohje @outpastthemoat @obikakenobi @ricooola @anakingskywoker if y’all want!

[the-cry-of-youth]

Bad Transmissions

Pairing: Captain Rex x Fem!Reader

Words: 2.1k

Rating: General

Warnings: Mentions of Torture, Angst, a little bit of fluff, obi wan being a responsible man, anakin- not so much

Summary: y/n is kidnapped, and it's up to Rex and co. to rescue her.

Gradually, you awaken from your induced slumber, only to notice that you could no longer feel your arm. Shit, did this bastard really cut off my arms?!? You thought in your comatose state, not fully in your senses yet. Once you get your eyes open you notice, to your relief, that you indeed still had your arms. They were suspended above your head, bound in force cuffs, effectively dulling your connection to the force. The room you were contained in was dark, the only source of light being emitted from the cuffs.

The sudden hiss of the door opening captured your attention. Blinded by the sudden light from outside the door, you are unable to see who had entered the room, until a very distinct voice was heard throughout the room.

“Not so tough now are you, jedi.” sneered Ventress. A moment of shock overtook your thoughts, but was quickly overwhelmed by pain as you were suspended higher into the air, dangling from your already numb arms until you were just on your toes.

“I must say ventress, I thought you had abandoned the Separatists after being betrayed by Dooku.” you chided to the woman that was now circling your bound body, “but I must say, you have gotten smarter with your strategies against the republic. Tell me how you got a hold of clone armour and a republic transmission signal?”

“You think that I’m still working for the fool Dooku? That's adorable,” Ventress scoffed, “you are simply a bargaining chip for me, either the republic or separatists would love to get their dirty little paws on a jedi. But an intact Jedi is a little less appealing than one that has been through a few rounds of tourture, don't you think? The more helpless you look, the higher the price you’ll be worth. But I must say, you talk far too much. Let's change that.”  

The lights in the room suddenly turned on, blinding you even further. When your eyes adjusted, you noticed Ventress standing beside a table covered in different instruments of torture. At first you believed she would reach for a vibroblade to make good on her threat of silencing you by taking your tongue, but instead she grabbed a gag.

Once the gag was fitted in place, she tapped away on her wrist comm. The doors then hissed open and four people walked in wearing clone armour. You knew that they were not clones (most likely as you could not see their faces). Ventress simply left the room with a quick wave and a perky “have fun.”

As the ‘clones’ closed in, all holding different devices aimed to inflict pain, you knew this was going to be quite the time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The council was in full discussion after receiving a rather disturbing transmission from the same location that they had sent Y/n a week earlier.

The transmission in discussion featured a rather smug Asajj Ventress standing beside a rather defeated and beaten Y/n. It was evident in the different shades of bruising that she had been held there for the entire time she was supposed to be helping with a distress call from a lost republic transport ship.

“Were we able to trace the location of this transmission?” asked Mace Windu, rather concerned for his former padawan.

“It appears to be coming from a moon of Felucia.” voiced none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi. “I believe it will be most efficient if Anakin and I go with the 501st battalion to felucia on this mission, as we have had an extensive past working with Y/n previously.”

“Save Y/n, you must.” encouraged Master Yoda. “be quick, you must. Much time, you do not have.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anakin and Rex quickly break from the strategy briefing for the rescue mission with Obi Wan. After Rex rounded up his brothers to board the transports, Anakin pulled him aside.

“I know that you and y/n have a past, I’m not quite sure as to just how close you two are, but I need you to be prepared. Obi-Wan has shown me the transmission, and I must say Rex, she isn’t looking good.” warned Anakin. An expression of concern and worry overcomes Rex’s face as he thinks of his friend in pain.

The entire trip to Felucia, it is apparent that Rex is deep in thought, with worry across his body posture as he is in full armour. He remembers all the time you both spent while on shore leave goofing around and having genuine conversations. Other times it was quiet time spent together enjoying caf and reading in chairs beside each other in the café just around the corner from the senate building that she introduced him to. He is unsure if his feelings about her are strictly platonic or if they’ve evolved into something more.

As soon as that thought came into his head, he instantly pushed it away. Of course thinking of her in any other way than platonic could just not happen. She was bound to the order, forbidden to form attachments, and he was in the GAR, he could be court marshalled for having a relationship, let alone a relationship with a Jedi.

Little did Rex know, but his thoughts were projecting across the transport, of course though only two other people could read them. Obi-Wan, being the gentleman that he is, respected Rex’s privacy and ignored them. However his former padawan had different ideas, being the nosey little man that he is.

Anakin felt as if his captain needed a little push towards taking the right actions. He projected the thoughts of his secret marriage to Rex, careful to not over project them to Obi-Wan. As intended, he met the cold stare of Rex’s helmet across the transport and knew that his thought sparked the right ideas in his commander's mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The fight to make it to the room that Y/n was held captive was fought quite quickly, as Ventress no longer had the support of the separatist droids, but instead had a small group of four bounty hunters fighting for her while she was elsewhere, most likey with y/n in an unknown room.

As they walked through the halls, Fives pointed out a pile of discarded clone armour to Rex and Anakin.

“That is most likely how Ventress was able to get secure contact with y/n and the council.” stated Obi-Wan. “She was sent here for either an aid mission or a rescue of a small number of clones. I’m assuming it just led her to ventress and the hunters as this vessel is quite outdated, as well as the armour.”

The search for the room that y/n was held in ended up being relatively short, as they just had to follow the sounds of screaming once reaching the main hallway.

At the sound of pain, Anakin, Obi-Wan and Rex all started sprinting towards the sound, the rest of the battalion following behind quite quickly. More screams followed the frist few and rex’s heart clenched at the thought of y/n being hurt. Is the screams were anything to go by, Anakin's warning would be living up to the worst scenarios the commander had thought up on the journey to the base.

They reached the room only to find the door opening and Ventress stepping out of it, taking off in a sprint the other way down the hall.

“Anakin, you go in with Rex, Fives and Kix to free y/n and ensure she is well, I will go after Asajj. You come find me once you are sure y/n will be okay.” Obi-Wan commanded before he took off after Ventress.

The breath was knocked from Rex as he entered the room to see and bruised and bleeding y/n dangling in the middle of the room. She looked so defeated, yet a look of pure fear overcame her features as she looked up to see the three clones entering the room.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Please, no more, please” you begged as your eyes locked on the clones. In your battered state, you failed to notice the different markings and colours of the armour, as well as the Jedi leading them. “Please, I can’t take any more. Just please make it stop.”

“Y/n, please, we aren’t here to harm you. Let us help get you out of here.” you heard Anakin state as he walked more into your sight line, blocking your view of the clones, and your best friend.

“But the clones are here to hurt me, that's all they've done to me, is hurt me.” you cried out as Anakin stepped forward. The closer he got, the more you pulled back. Once he was in front of you, he used the force to release the cuffs, causing you to be set on your feet.

As soon as your feet touched the floor, your legs gave out and you were caught by Anakin. He set you on the ground as he looked over at his clones.

“Rex, Fives, Kix, remove your helmets. It may help is she can recognize your faces.” Anakin suggested.

Rex instantly ripped off his helmet and slowly walked toward you, Fives and Kix staying further back. Kix taking out the medics pack and getting bandages and medicine ready to treat you there.

“Cyar’ika, It’s me, Rex.” he called soothingly to you.

You rolled over in Anakin's arms, eyes widened. “Rex?” you exclaimed, surprised at his presence where you used to see simply the clones intending to hurt you. As you locked eyes you exclaimed a little louder “Rex!”

Trying to reach your best friend, you scrambled out of Anakin’s arms, only to tumble to the floor. Rex quickly ran to your side and scooped you up into his arms.

“It’s okay ik’aad, I’m here. I won’t let anyone else hurt you.” Rex soothed as he

Held you close to him, rubbing your back as you cried into his shoulder. “I’m never going to let anyone touch you again cyare” Rex locked eyes with the other clones and Anakin and nodded, they would bring you to the transport to be healed to relieve you from this environment.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later you awoke in a hospital bed, but there was a strong warmth surrounding your right hand. As you were jogging your brain back to consciousness, you opened your eyes to see Rex hold your hand, head resting on the bed as he sat beside your bed.

“Rex, wake up” you attempted to say but came out raspier than intended. He jerked up at the sound of your voice, used to sleeping light due to his years as a soldier.

In an instant he was out of his seat, cradling your head in his hands, rubbing his thumb against your cheek bone as he looked over your face, tears slowly streaming down his face.

“Cyar’ika, you had me so worried. I thought I had lost you when they had received that transmission.” he stated as he leaned his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and bringing your right hand to his lips, kissing it lightly.

You bring your left hand up to cradle his cheek, not unlike how he had yours in his hand.

“Rex, look at me.” you instructed. You made eye contact with him, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay right by your side, always.”

Rex simply nods in response. The air then turns tense suddenly. He closes his eyes and crashes his lips against yours for a long overdue kiss. As you break apart, you see nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.

“How are we to do this Rex? I am bound by the code and you are in the battalions, we are forbidden to have this kind of relationship.” you voice your concern about the relationship after your first, earth shattering, passionate kiss.

“It's simple really,” he replied, “ we can just have a secret relationship like Anakin and Padme.”

“WHAT?!?!?” this revelation brought out a surprised response from you. “Anakin is with Padme?!? How long has that been a thing?!?”

“Oh, they’ve been married for quite some time, although I believe that we are now the only people to know of this pairing.” Rex chuckled out after your response.

“Well then, if that idiot can manage to pull off a secret marriage, then I suppose we could figure out a relationship.” you state. “ It's not like we acted much different from a relationship before this.”

Rex simply smiled in response to this, and then kissed you with all the love he could give.

[gffa]

(1) Hi! I was the anon asking about younglings having in-canon expiration dates, because of the whole thing with Obi-Wan and AgriCorps. It totally makes sense that it was from the Legends, and because my approach to star wars has been questionable at best (taking all the information and kinda molding it around canon), somehow my brain decided that was canon. Which means I spent several years having very complicated, Qui-Gon-was-even-more-of-an-insensitive-bastard-than-I-thought feelings.

(2) From a plot-perspective sense, I may actually prefer Qui-Gon with this sort of... Duality. It developed Obi-Wan's character in another, more tragical way, too (as if he needed the added suffering). But anyway, I think knowing the canon to subvert the canon is still as good of an approach as any. Thanks again!

Hi!  I’ve said this pretty much every time and it’s still true--in the sense of whether or not you want to enjoy something or consider it part of your own Star Wars landscape, it doesn’t really matter if something is canon or not.  As fans, we’re were to enjoy what we enjoy, that’s what we should do, what George and Lucasfilm have always encouraged us to do, and I’m onboard that train, too!The only reason “canon” matters is whether or not it’s considered part of the tapestry that we’re working with as a source material.  That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to enjoy it, it doesn’t mean it has any kind of inherent value because it is or isn’t canon, it doesn’t mean you have to accept it as part of the SW that lives in your head.  It just means that people who create future SW content have to take it into consideration.  As fans, the only time it really matters is if we’re discussing what’s part of the canon in meta and even then you’re still free to go, “I don’t like that thing so I’m not accepting it” or “I do very much like that thing, so I’m keeping it”.So if you want to keep the AgriCorps stuff as part of your SW headspace, absolutely do that!  And you’re absolutely right that it can help to know the canon if you want to subvert the canon!And it can be tricky when we’re talking about “canon” because there are three distinctly different continuities:- George Lucas’ Star Wars (first six movies + TCW)- Legends Star Wars (aka, the old EU)- Lucasfilm Canon (first six movies + TCW + anything post-wiping the slate clean in 2014, with some exceptions)“Canon” these days now means Lucasfilm’s Canon because that’s what we’re in the middle of, it’s Lucasfilm’s property so they get to decide what’s canon, etc., but each of those has a continuity that’s their own and we, as fans, decide which ones we like best and whether we want to participate in them, enjoy them, or dislike them, as well as mix and match if we like.So, when we talk about Canon, all that’s canon for Qui-Gon is the movie, TCW, a couple of comics, the Master & Apprentice book and Dooku: Jedi Lost, but that doesn’t mean that Legends suddenly disappears or that it never happened and if it’s part of what you enjoy about Qui-Gon’s character and how it developed Obi-Wan, then that works for you and that’s great!I do think (as you said) it can be useful to know what’s canon and what’s not, so when we’re watching something from canon we understand that the writers and the narrative do not consider (for example) the Jedi Apprentice books in the background for Obi-Wan, that The Clone Wars was written and created with George Lucas making it very clear that all that stuff wasn’t canon to this show, so we can’t really fairly judge the show based on that background info as being part of what informs their choices, but we can work to mesh them together if we choose to do so!What I mean is, for example, we can’t really get on the Jedi’s cases for “changing” the aging out limit in TCW (without going against what they were doing, that is) when the show was very deliberately written as not including that as canon, it doesn’t inform any of the worldbuilding or the Jedi’s actions in the TCW writing, those events did not happen in the narrative’s eyes.  Xanatos and Feemor and so on do not exist in TCW, treating the show as if they did goes against what George Lucas said was the point behind the worldbuilding of TCW.  But we as fans might think they go well together and we might want to mesh them together anyway and we are absolutely free to do that and, hell, it’s not like Legends itself didn’t write material that included JA/JQ worldbuilding and TCW meshed together!  So, if you’re in that continuity, then go nuts with it double time.I think, sometimes, it helps to clarify these things, to let each of us know where we stand.  That way I’m not going, “No, that doesn’t exist.” and you’re not going, “Yes, it does!” because we’re both right from where we each stand, and it’s a lot easier to go, “Oh, I get where you’re coming from now!” to each other!

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Emperor Palpatine

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

There are villains. There are memes about villains. There are villains who are memes. And then, high above all of them, sitting on a lofty throne all his own, is Emperor Sheev Palpatine, a character so insanely incredible that it’s frankly quite baffling that even George Lucas at his worst still couldn’t make him awful��� No, that was good old J.J. Abrams. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Palpatine is pretty much the archetype for the evil emperor in modern fiction, a mysterious evil sorcerer in dark robes who commands the main villain from afar and contains power beyond anything thought possible. But what’s interesting to note is that Palpatine really has three distinct eras to him: the original trilogy, where he was basically an outside context last minute threat who only had a presence in the third act of Return of the Jedi; the prequel trilogy, which is his best showing and where the Sheev we’ve all come to known and love really got to spread his wings and fly; and finally, the sequel era, the worst showing of Palpatine hands down, where he is randomly slapped into a film with no foreshadowing or buildup to pander to nostalgia.

So let’s take a look at our old pal Sheevy and see what makes him one of the greatest villains of all time, and one of the worst.

Motivation/Goals: Palpatine is motivated by one thing, and one thing only:

He spends the entire prequel trilogy building this up, working behind the scenes and manipulating both sides of the Clone Wars to his advantage so he can be given more and more political power. This works out beautifully for him, allowing him to dispose of his pawns like Dooku, take over the senate, seize absolute power, amass an army of clones, and of course execute Order 66. But most importantly, he is able to manipulate the frustrated and hurting Anakin to his side, mostly because the Jedi are a bunch of bumbling, archaic morons who put so much restrictions and belittle him so much that this creepy, predatory man is able to feed into his insecurities and send him tumbling to the Dark Side.

In the original trilogy, Palpatine is pretty content with letting Vader handle the affairs of the Empire, at least until Luke shows up and the Rebels become a substantial threat. Once the time comes, he has Luke and Vader get together and puts them up against each other, thinking the outcome is either that he gets a new apprentice/keeps his old one in check, or corrupts Luke somehow into killing his father and joining him as the new Sith. He didn’t count on Vader turning, but ah well.

The thing is that throughout these six films he remains remarkably consistent in his goals. He wants power, and if he can’t keep that power he’s going to make sure as many people suffer on his way down as possible. He’s almost cartoonishly evil in the best way possible!

And then came the sequels.

His motivations in the sequels are, quite frankly, impossible to discern, because they seem to change every scene. If he’s behind Snoke and the First Order, it’s easy to guess that he probably wanted Rey dead, right? Because that’s sure the vibe Snoke gave in The Last Jedi. But no, after it seeming like he wants her dead for most of The Rise of Skywalker, as soon as she shows up his plan is suddenly for her to kill him so he can transfer into his body. And then he changes that a short time later to “I am going to suck the life out of Rey and Ben so this shitty clone body can be great.” It’s like they’re cramming three or four different Palpatine plots into the twenty-five minutes of screentime Palpatine has in this film, and there is just absolutely no thematic cohesion anywhere. It’s just a mess.

Performance: If there is one thing that is always consistent with Palpatine, it is that Ian McDiarmid is absolutely fantastic as him. This man is able to take the most cliché, generic evil overlord archetype imaginable and transform every single line of dialogue he spouts into a meme, and even when he’s the absolute worst version of this character possible and strapped to a giant Sith dialysis machine on some Sith planet where he makes Snoke clones and verbally berates Adam Driver, he still finds time to be hilariously awesome.

Final Fate: Palpatine seriously underestimated Anakin, and ended up chucked down into the Death Star, where he died. He certainly didn’t have a poorly-explained clone backup of himself anywhere that would rise up decades later to completely override any victories the heroes ever had by ensuring that the entire lineage of the Skywalkers was destroyed and then usurped by his own spawn.

Best Scene: In a scene that justifies the entire existence of the prequels, shows off McDiarmid’s acting chops as he pulls off some actual subtlety as Palpatine, delivers some great background lore, and helps make Revenge of the Sith as awesome as it is… well, have you heard of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?

Best Quote: Look, I could put just about anything he says in Revenge of the Sith here. I could put just about anything he says here. This man is an absolute meme machine who spits out only the finest quotable soundbites you will ever here. But look, I’m tired of not singling out great lines, so let me give you the one I quote the most. It’s one of his greatest quotes, and yet it is unbelievably simple. Two words and a ridiculously hammy inflection is all this man needs to be a meme:

Final Thoughts & Score: Sheev Palpatine is a man of extremes. Every aspect of him is so large that when he does something, he does it with the full force of his entire character. Revenge of the Sith will eternally be his best showing in the entire franchise, because he just spends the entirety of his screentime being the most insanely impressive scheming, manipulative bastard imaginable while somehow managing to cram in time for a sick spin through the air or a monologue about his former master at the space opera house. He manages to singlehandedly redeem the prequels if only by existing in them, and he helps elevates Revenge of the Sith into being the only one of those films that is generally accepted as being legitimately awesome. And while he is absent for much of the original trilogy, seeing as he wasn’t exactly conceived of right off the bat, he manages to make the most of his appearance in Return of the Jedi by being just as delightfully malevolent as ever, goading Luke and Vader into a duel and shooting lightning from his fingertips.

There are few villains who are just this completely basic and cliché that could ever hope to be great, but thanks to McDiarmid’s portrayal, he has gone on to be one of the single most iconic villains of all time, and one of the most iconic characters of all time. The guy is practically a living meme, from his name to his actions in the prequels, and he has certainly inspired many an evil overlord after him. For a character so seemingly unoriginal, it can be hard to believe he probably deserves an 11/10, but he most definitely does. He’s just become a staple of the franchise, to the point where some people feel it just ain’t Star Wars without him…

...Including, unfortunately, J.J. Abrams and a few other writers. Palpatine managed to be shoehorned into the prequels by being a surprise twist villain for The Rise of Skywalker (and as we’ve all seen from their recent animated movies, out-of-nowhere twist villains are great!), and it is without a doubt the most stupid and embarrassing showing one could possibly imagine for a character of this caliber. His motivations seem to change every time he opens his mouth, a lot of his dialogue is just uninspired, and while he does get a somewhat striking design here it’s hampered by the fact that his entire existence and role are really unexplained in the film and he feels like he was slapped in for the sake of being there. 

There’s also the fact that his mere existence and the fact he ends up being responsible for Ben Solo’s death means he completely overrides the entire franchise, comes out on top with his granddaughter usurping the Skywalker name, and succeeds entirely at wiping out the Skywalker lineage. This entire nine film series was just buildup to Palpatine ultimately winning, and just when things couldn’t get worse, Disney decided to take away the one thing that made this Palpatine hilarious – the idea that, with his hideous scarred face, he was able to bang a woman and conceive a child – and completely toss it out the window by saying this Palpatine was actually a clone. Not in the movie, of course, because that would make way too much sense, no; it was confirmed on Twitter.

I think it goes without saying Clone Palpatine gets a 1/10. And this is through no fault of McDiarmid; he’s still genuinely great in the role, even if the role is stupid, his character’s actions are stupid, and just everything about the character’s existence is stupid. He’s certainly not phoning it in at all, and ignoring everything else about the film Clone Palpatine is at least somewhat amusing on his own. There’s also the fact that this Palpatine most definitely has an incredibly striking design and looks really cool, despite the unbelievable lameness of what he actually is:

But how he is utilized within the franchise and what he ultimately accomplishes and represents is too much for me to actually forgive in the context of Psycho Analysis. When the most redemptive thing I can say about Clone Palpatine is that his actor is at least trying and his design is cool despite the awful writing and story relevance, that is not the sign of a great character. That is the sign of a great actor desperately trying to salvage a trainwreck.

But it’s like I said earlier; Palpatine is a man of extremes. If he’s gonna be a great villain, then by god is he going to be one of the greatest villains of all time. And if he’s going to be a crappy villain? Well then he’s gonna sit among the worst ever. I kind of respect that about good ol’ Sheev; he just can’t do anything in half measures. I guess as a Sith he really does deal in absolutes, be it absolutely amazing or absolutely awful.

UPDATE: I stand by all my criticisms of Sheev Clonepatine, but dammit, there’s just too many hilarious memes, and I can’t really hate Ian McDiarmid’s performance. Yes, I’ve come around quick, but I guess it is true: when Palpatine succeeds, he succeeds epically and hilariously, and when he fails, he fails epically and hilariously. His role in the story and the stupidity of him being here at all is a 1/10 for sure, but I think he’s just hilarious enough to edge into the “So bad it’s good” category of 3/10 alongside his bouncing baby boy Snoke. 

Just remember: No matter what Disney tries to tell you, Palpatine fucks.

[legobiwan]

2, 10, and 14 for Obi-Wan

2) Their emotional/moral weak spots

So I think it’s pretty obvious that Obi-wan’s emotional and moral weak spot is his attachment to those he loves. He raises Anakin (and makes himself believe in the Chosen One prophecy) because a dying Qui-gon asked him with his last breath. He ignores the mounting evidence that Anakin is beginning to lose his grip by the time the Crystal Crisis arc rolls around (Obi-wan won’t touch a blaster but has no problem with Anakin going Top Gun on a whole bunch of sentients? Yeah, someone is ignoring the problem/living out his darker desires through his student.) Obi-wan, I argue, should have killed Anakin on Mustafar, as it would have put a real crimp in Palpatine’s plans, but he was unable to due to the guilt. Obi-wan flies off to Mandalore with no backup to rescue Satine, an action that has far-reaching political ramifications in terms of the Jedi’s relationship with the Senate and Mandalore’s shaky domestic situation. And because of this, he backtracks so much that he allows Ahsoka to be tried and sentenced to execution, despite his protests. (Tell me Season 4 Obi-wan would have let that happen. Because he wouldn’t have.) 

And he knows this is his weakness. It’s probably why he goes along with the Rako Hardeen plan, to prove to the Council (himself) that he is not attached. (And how badly did that backfire?) It’s why (this is conjecture, but I want this to have a reason), he never is in Dooku’s presence alone after AotC. Because he knows Dooku would play on Obi-wan’s attachments - because Dooku is an intelligent bastard who can see this from a parsec away and Obi-wan knows, deep in his heart, that there is a nonzero chance he would succumb because Dooku planted that seed of doubt how many years ago on Geonosis. 

Obi-wan cares far too much and spends so much time trying to convince himself and others he doesn’t - that he’s as dispassionate and unattached as he projects, as the person he has cultivated is. And the tragedy of it is that desperation to live up to this standard lands him and others in hot water on more than one occasion. 

It’s ironic, really, that Obi-wan, on the surface, plays the dispassionate Jedi Master but constantly battles with his attachments while Qui-gon, seemingly the maverick who cares for all living things, ends up being pretty distant to many of the beings in his life, once they get to know him. No wonder Obi-wan is somehow always trying to prove himself.

10) Fears/phobias

I would say Obi-wan’s largest fears have to do with failure. That he will have failed Anakin, the Council, the Jedi, the Republic, Satine, etc. It’s rare that we see Obi-wan actually scared, but that moment on Mortis when Anakin turns on him in the faux-Mustafar pit we do see him actually frightened - aghast that his actions have hurt someone he cares so deeply about. It’s fine if the consequences of Obi-wan’s actions boomerang back to himself, but it’s when those actions spell hurt for others - when all his good intentions, when all of his efforts fail and he is exposed as the Padawan who never quite could measure up to what Qui-gon wanted (in his mind). That, to my mind, is his overriding fear. 

On a lighter note, I also think there has to be some of insect Obi-wan has an irrational phobia of, and one day he, Anakin and Ahsoka encounter it. It’s rare that Obi-wan acts so skittish around animals, but there’s something about the ten hairy legs, the hundreds of beady maroon eyes, the mandible clicking in that certain pattern that sets off Obi-wan’s fight or flight instinct (and it is decidedly flight). But Obi-wan being Obi-wan pretends that everything is fine, that he just finds the insects “rather distasteful” and tells Anakin “Why don’t you take care of it, seeing as you have such an affinity for bugs?” but both Anakin and Ahsoka see right through the lie and so during the night, they totally drop one or two into Obi-wan’s cot. Minutes later, they hear some very un-Jedi-like screams emanating from the tent and the two younger Jedi roll on the ground in laughter. 

14) Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Well, we all know about the beard-stroking thing and the brushing dust off the shoulder thing (WHICH IS SO INHERITED FROM DOOKU I JUST CAN’T). I also have noticed (in TCW), that Obi-wan has a tendency to wrap his arms around his abdomen when he is hurt or feeling particularly vulnerable, which is an interesting piece of body language as it is a protective, distancing gesture and also a bit of self-soothing (which the brushing of invisible dust and adjusting of tunics also is). The self-soothing thing is so interesting to me, as it leads me to believe Obi-wan doesn’t open up to many people about his own issues (although he certainly tries to be a sounding board for everyone else, even Anakin) and that he, in a way, feels he has to comfort himself with that gesture. And, you know, it’s kind of sad but super-Obi-wan.

[inkognito97]

Nyctophilia Chapter 19 (Reunion)

Link to the whole story

Light:

Obi-Wan could not believe that he had heard the older man correctly. Surely there must have been a huge mistake on his part. There simply was no way that Qui-Gon would still call him Padawan, let alone WANT him as a student after everything he had done. It did not make sense, not after he had seen what Xanatos’ fall had done to the long haired Jedi.

“It took me years to realize it, but I know now that you... that you never were able to fall, to... FULLY fall prey to the darkness. It is not in your nature. I just wish I had realized this a lot sooner, YEARS sooner, then so much could have been different. Hell, perhaps we might not even be in this situation right now, because you would have known of your place at my side and the Sith would never have been able to use your insecurities against you.”

“What do you always say? Your focus determines your reality. Let you mind stay in the here and now, where it belongs, my Master. We might never know what would have been different, things are as they are. And... and as much as we wish we could change the past, there is no way to achieve that.”

“No,” Qui-Gon agreed, the younger male was still clutching his stomach. “But... we can all work to change the future. If we learn from the past, we can create and shape a better future, but we can only do this together, Padawan.”

Obi-Wan bit his bottom lip, his gaze was directed at the ground before him. He did not know what to say. Of course he wanted nothing more than to continue on the path of a Jedi with his beloved Master at his side, but he did not feel like he deserved it.

A moment, nothing happened, neither male made any sound. Then, ever so slowly, Qui-Gon began to move. His bare feet came into Obi-Wan’s line of sight. The man had sat up, his elbows resting on his knees and his eyes fixed on the ginger haired boy before him. With a shaking hand, he reached out, until his fingers were brushing a wet and tear stained cheek. The boy flinched, but then relaxed and even leaned into the touch.

“Let’s make a deal, Padawan mine. You stop hating and blaming yourself for every mistake, and I stop from allowing my depression and self-loathing to influence my relationship with you. You will see, we would be much happier.” A pause, then Qui-Gon spoke again, making sure to look deep into his Padawan’s unsure eyes. “What do you say?”

“I think... I think I would... like that,” he stuttered out. There was a sad smile on his features and despite the situation, Qui-Gon returned it.

The older male let himself drop to his knees, which was easier said than done and pulled the younger male into a tight hug, not intending to let go anytime soon. “My Padawan, my Obi-Wan, my son,” chanted the bearded male without even realizing it.

“Master, father,” was the teenager’s answer. He clutched at the other’s tunic as if his life depended on it.

 Meanwhile, neither male noticed the pair of eyes that regarded and watched them, not with jealously, but with contentment. Xanatos was happy for his Padawan brother and even though he doubted that he had a chance of making things right between him and the older male, he was happy to have helped mend this relationship.

“How strange,” he mumbled to himself, while turning away to walk silently back into the cockpit. “What a single being can achieve, after all he brought me and the old men from the darkness.” He was referring to both Qui-Gon Jinn and Yan Dooku. And there was no denying it, Qui-Gon HAD been engulfed in darkness, even though he had not fallen for it. “You truly are a special one, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I can see a great destiny ahead of you.”

He seated himself on the pilot’s seat and tilted his head back. The autopilot was activated and they were in hyperspace anyway, so the only thing he could do, was to wait and watch thousands and millions of stars fly by.

“We are coming, Coruscant.”

Shadow:

It had taken a while, but eventually Qui-Gon had been able to find what he had been searching for. The hint of darkness at the edge of his awareness, as well as the sad remains of the training bond he once had shared with Obi-Wan. He focused on the latter first and rebuild and recreated it as well as he could without the other owner responding or acknowledging him. In fact, Obi-Wan seemed to have withdrawn from the bond altogether, probably believing that it was beyond repair and in all honesty, Qui-Gon was not so sure himself.

Afterwards the tall man used the reopened bond to ‘spy’ on his wayward charge and he was afraid of the sorrow and all the emotional pain he found there. He could not look much further, which was his bad luck. Because had he been able to venture further into the teenager’s mind, he would have known that he WAS very much aware of what Qui-Gon was doing and that he was impatiently waiting for his old Master to make that final step over the cliff’s edge from which there was no return.

Since he couldn’t, Qui-Gon focused on the presence of the dark side that whispered promises of a better future to him. He hesitated another moment, the image of his Jedi friends and comrades coming to the front of his mind. What would Yoda think, what would Mace do, how would Tahl react and what about Feemor? Deciding that they all did not matter as much as Obi-Wan, he delved into the surprisingly warm and welcoming dark side. Of course Qui-Gon had not known what to expect. The Jedi always taught their own that the dark side was dangerous and cruel, which is why he had expected his fall to hurt, yet it hadn’t. It was like coming home, after years of travelling he was finally home. Strength and power surged through his veins and Qui-Gon was finally able to breathe freely again.

 “Who would have thought,” he mumbled to himself. He did not need a mirror to know that his eyes had turned yellow. Instead he focused on the chains and this time, they reacted. They rattled and with a rather loud clunk, they landed on the cold ground.

Stiffly did Qui-Gon rise to his feet. Days spending in the same position, made his muscles protest, but he easily soothed the pain with the Force, the DARK side of the Force. It was a miracle. Everything the Order had ever taught him, was wrong. The dark side was not evil, it was a comrade. There was no dark, there was no light. The only thing that mattered, were your actions.

 When Qui-Gon had finally gotten a more or less sloppy control of his new found connection to the still unfamiliar dark side, he set out to find his distraught boy. He did not expect to find him as easily as he did, he had thought the boy would shield more, but something kept him from doing so. The tall male furrowed his brows. Something was clearly not right and he hurried to check what it was.

When the newly turned Force user reached his destination, he was equally shocked and afraid. There was Obi-Wan, lying on the ground and trembling. His eyes were defiant, there was a fire in them and he was staring right into Sidious’ eyes, whose own face only showed anger and displeasure. There was lightning dancing around the older Sith’s fingertips and Qui-Gon would need to be a complete fool to not realize what was happening.

“Did you truly believe that you could deceive me, my foolish apprentice? Did you truly believe that you had a chance against me?” Obi-Wan had NOT believed that he alone had a chance against this bastard, but he had known that he and Qui-Gon TOGETHER could beat him. He had not planned on Sidious reacting so soon however.

“You will pay for that,” the ginger haired male gritted out between clenched teeth. He had noticed his former Master’s presence joining his and Sidious’, while the latter had not noticed anything. He was too focused on torturing his victim.

Sidious cackled madly, “Will I? And who will make me pay? You? Oh, I do not think so, my apprentice. You will not live for much longer, I can assure you of that.” His voice was cold and his eyes shone with hate.

Silently Obi-Wan begged Qui-Gon, who had stood motionless and gaping near the entrance, to act. Sidious was right, he would not survive if this lightning torture would go on for much longer. A human body, even a trained one, could only deal with so much. To his utter relieve, Qui-Gon DID react and he Force pushed the older Sith through the whole room. It was not enough to knock him out, let alone kill him, but it gave the reunited team enough time to come up with a simply strategy.

“Together?” asked Obi-Wan, who handed his former Jedi Master and future Sith apprentice his lightsaber, while activating his own.

“Together!” he replied and the two freshly turned Force users, stood as one. Their lightsabers were raised and they waited for Sidious to make the first move.

[legobiwan]

So i was just daydreaming of SW and fics & i was imagining two characters on opposites sides of light and dark both trying to turn each other bc they think they are right(don’t they all?). But i feel like sidious and maul and plenty of sith knew that they weren’t necessarily the ‘good’ guys, no matter their reason for why they ended up on the dark side. I think sidious knew he wasn’t a good person & was well aware of the ‘bad’ nature of the darkside and how it can corrupt a person entirely 1/

I think dooku was as well even though he thought he was doing the right thing & making change. Even Anakin knew in his own twisted mindset that despite why he turned, he wasn’t on the side of the good guys no matter their reason for why they ended up on the dark side.I think sidious knew he wasn’t a good person&was well aware of the ‘bad’ nature of the darkside and how it can corrupt a person entirely. I think dooku was as well even though he thought he was doing the right thing&making change.2/

But how would you convince someone that turned bc they thought they could keep it controlled. Revan himself turned thinking he could prevent the darkside from corrupting him entirely&we see how that turned out. What about people who just genuinely think that they are more free (they aren’t) on the darkside and just want to BE on the darkside and think that it’s not inherently bad. Bc some sith fics make it sound not that bad but we know that it actually really is very bad by nature ¾

I guess my question is how does someone who thinks they can have everything they want and not loose themselves, who is ruled by the dark side to the point of sith eyes, become convinced that going that far isn’t actually the right path to be on? 4/4 Sorry this is so long

Wow, anon, this is…a complicated question. (And off-topic, but daydreaming about SW fics totally got me through some horrible jobs a few years ago. Star Wars daydreaming ftw.)

For me, it comes down to what your definition of “light” (read, good) is. And I think either side, light or dark, taken too far to one extreme ends up wrapping back to the other, a kind of ouroboros. Too much light, as we saw with the Jedi, can lead to dark consequences. Too much dark, in a weird way, will lead to revolt, to a balancing. 

It’s thermodynamics, taken to a philosophical extent, where your variables seek equilibrium but there is only so much energy to share between them, as it cannot be created nor destroyed. 

But let’s extricate ourselves from such tangled webs, shall we, and take this analysis character by character. 

Sidious: Sidious is an unrepentant, manipulative bastard. I mean, the absolute worst, the whole shebang. I doubt there would be anyone who would have had the ability to pull him into the “Light,” just the ability to thwart his plans. Evil genius, psychopath, bereft of empathy, etc. Let’s just say Rey’s existence, at least from the first generation, was likely not an act of love. 

Dooku: Oh Dooku. My favorite bad guy is a lot more complicated. His motivations were idealistic and to some degree, justified. The Republic and the Jedi were failing certain underrepresented systems, the Republic bloated on corruption and the Jedi more and more backing themselves into a protective corner until they had no room left to move. His execution of the whole thing…well, that’s where his hubris (and nihilism) led him astray. And I still contend we see this darkening of Dooku between AotC and RotS, especially in TCW. The dark side won in Dooku, pulled him under its tide so perhaps by the time of RotS he just wasn’t able to see - or admit - Sidious’s plans for him. 

Now, would Dooku have been redeemed? Yes, but only under circumstances and I would say he would less be redeemed than returned to grey status. 

But what would possibly convince our resident iconoclast to renounce some of his ways? 

Or more, who?

Qui-gon or Obi-wan. Or both. Lineage is so important to Dooku, a man who felt the loss of his family, who felt he was alone in the universe, who, unlike Anakin, went out of his way to avoid close connections, to relieve everything of his past except his title and all the expectations that came with it. I mean, imagine that. You are raised a Jedi, taught to believe attachment is, if not bad, at least problematic. And then you leave that religious order to return to your homeworld where you inherit a title and presumably a million problems and identities and histories that come with said title. And Dooku knows none of these people but to rule them, but he does know the ones he has raised and the ones who they raised. Which leads me to believe that an alive Qui-gon (who, let’s face it, wouldn’t have been 100% light side) and/or a more convinced Obi-wan (who should have listened to Dooku on Geonosis but that is a whole other discussion because that was a Hail Mary by Dooku and the more I think about it, the more I believe it was a ballsy-as-ass move on his part) might have convinced him to realign himself.

Anakin: Ohhhh, Anakin. Anakin, who fell because he felt he had to, in order to save everyone he loved. Anakin, who was burdened with false expectation after a traumatic childhood. Anakin, who made so many bad choices and it’s both his fault and not his fault, a tragic combination of circumstance and proclivity. The thing is, we know Anakin is torn between the light and the dark, even after he turns. Anakin as Vader is kind of like the person who says, “Oh I ate 2 cookies, might as well eat the whole bag because nothing matters.” (Side note, I am a total supporter of eating the whole bag of cookies if that is the heart’s truest desire. Speaking as someone who has downed many bags of cookies in their lifetime.) Anyway, it’s the mindset that’s the problem. And Anakin does redeem himself in the end, when he finds something/someone to fight for and fight against and isn’t that so him, always fighting against something?

Look, dark side characterizations are fun. But there’s always something else behind it, and it is a big deal to abandon your principles, your ideals, your health, your everything to this festering, opaque disease that lives in your deepest gut and at times takes the controls, much to your horror (except if you are Sidious, in which case, the horrible darkness is always at the controls and that is by design). I, personally, like to explore the darker sides of these characters but also the why - what made them fall, why are they hurting, and what is the fallout of their actions?

Yes, it’s easy to hate, to fear - I mean, we see this in the real world on an everyday basis. What’s less easy is to be alone, and I mean truly alone. And I think minus extreme examples like Sidious (who, let’s admit, created clones to cheat death and kept a vast amount of servants so even he was not ever truly alone). If I might get a little existential for a moment, what I like about Jedi philosophy (and in all seriousness, I had a major breakdown about this a few years back and Jedi philosophy, weirdly enough, was a large part in saving my sanity) is that we are never alone, that we are all part of the Force, of life, of the breath and heartbeat of the universe no matter what corporeal form we take or not. The Sith see themselves as alone, but as we can observe, so many of them are motivated by connection, could possibly be spurred to change by connection in the correct circumstances. 

And by this, I don’t mean the Jedi were 100% correct. I feel like the version of the Jedi we got by TCW had been pushed to some extremes due to the Ruusan Reformation (gdi, that had better get recanonized, asap, because it is a pivotal moment and a HUGE explanation of why the Jedi ended up as they were by the time the Prequels rolled around and it makes So Much Sense), the emergence of Dooku, the war, etc.) There is something to be said about the Grey Jedi, not that they necessarily embraced light and dark - but perhaps so - but that they did not fall to one extreme or the other. And this is where I feel Qui-gon succeeded over many other of his peers, despite his myriad of other personality flaws. Possibly this was why he was able to access the Whills and pass on what he had learned, to the point of where we see Yoda in TLJ, who is a lot more philosophical about everything than he had been in life. 

So to answer your question - there is no making someone turn back to the light, as much as there is any way of forcing a sentient being to do anything. Once can only pave the way and forge relationships, and the rest is up to that person. I think a lot of our Sith friends knew they were going down a dark path but also saw no alternative and felt a need to vindicate themselves, to strike out in anger against their circumstances. I get it, I think we all have that urge sometimes. And I suppose the answer might come in having something to fight for as opposed to fight against, as ridiculous as that sounds. 

But then again, I am but a simple lego floating around the internet. :)

[legobiwan]

Whumptober #5 (gunpoint, or in this case, blasterpoint)

TW: none except a severe lack of editing, apologies in advance

Fandom: Star Wars (Obi-wan Kenobi, Qui-gon Jinn, Satine Kryze, General Grievous)

Notes: Getting this in just under the wire. It’s kind of a 5+1 without the +1. And now I really need to go to sleep.

----

The first time Obi-wan Kenobi aimed a blaster, he was fourteen.

This was not entirely true. All Jedi Padawans had rudimentary training in handling weapons beyond their lightsabers, even if half the Council disapproved of introducing younglings to such a crude device.

(Qui-gon Jinn was not one of them, of course. “While I can’t condone blasters, it would be foolish to stick one’s head in the sand and pretend they don’t exist. You must be prepared for every eventuality, Padawan.)

The first time Obi-wan Kenobi aimed a blaster with the intent to do harm, he was fourteen.

Fourteen and terrified, lightsaber stolen by a band of Ceterian criminals on a mission gone wrong on Naxar Prime.

Fourteen and lost, not knowing if Qui-gon was captured or dead.

Fourteen and bereft of any idea of how he might survive, the cold weapon in his hand his only salvation, finger hovering, trembling over the trigger.

(Later, after the Ceterians had been dealt with, Qui-gon had given Obi-wan an earful about proper use of weapons, how blasters were last resorts. Obi-wan hadn’t had the energy or courage to point out the hypocrisy in Qui-gon’s statement.)

(Years later, Obi-wan would come to understand Qui-gon was only scared, his Padawan teetering, an unpracticed balancing act on a high-tightrope spanning Light and Dark.)

~

The second time Obi-wan could remember holding someone at blasterpoint was, of course, on Mandalore.

In an effort to not attract too much undue attention (a difficult task, given the antics of Qui-gon and Satine’s fiery personality), both he and his Master had forgone their lightsabers, wielding blasters on their hips, both sides, in the Mandalorian tradition.

Given the conflict between Mandalore and Jedi, it was a prudent move.

“If you’re going carry the blasters, you ought learn how to actually use them,” Satine had commented in that contemptuous manner of hers, chin slightly raised, somehow peering down at the Jedi Padawan despite the fact she was a good two inches shorter. “Otherwise no one will believe you come from this planet.”

Somehow Qui-gon had managed to wriggle his way out of blaster training with Satine (there was some story attached to his excuse, something about an undercover mission, an illegal pod racing ring, and his old Master which didn’t quite make sense to Obi-wan’s ears, but Satine had deemed a satisfactory explanation).

Learning to be marksman was every bit as taxing as his own exercises in the Temple.

Mandalorian training, apparently, did not leave room for error or kind words, it seemed, Satine putting him through his paces day in and day out as they hid in a forest refuge on the far side of the planet.

Still, he had improved, in small part to Satine’s efforts, and weeks later, Obi-wan found himself pointing his blaster.

“I don’t think this is the wisest idea,” he commented, pursing his lips.

“You’ll be just fine,” Satine responded.

Obi-wan grit his teeth. So stubborn. “In fact, I won’t, if this ends as poorly as it has the capacity to.” Forget the Council, Qui-gon would murder him on the spot.

“You’re a Jedi. Trust the Force.” Satin quirked her lips. “And my training, of course.”

“Of course,” Obi-wan muttered, drawing on the Force against his better judgment, aiming his weapon just above Satine’s head, where a single, red apple sat.

~

The third most important time Obi-wan had held someone at blaster point, it hadn’t been Obi-wan. Or, at least, that’s what kept trying to tell himself.

Rako Hardeen. It wasn’t you, it was him.

It was a terrible lie, of course, one so threadbare it wouldn’t even have passed muster as a Republic-issued blanket, and Force knew he had heard enough griping from the clones and Anakin about that issue the past few years.

He hadn’t killed that clone, in fact, he had nearly blown apart the entire mission to save one life. Rako Hardeen never would have done that.

(But if Rako Hardeen wasn’t the perpertrator of that non-crime, it meant all his other actions spanning from the breakout to Naboo had been Obi-wan’s alone. The guard on Nal Hutta. His rage, fists flying at Anakin, then later at Moralo Eval as Dooku’s smug face looked on. The way he had left half a dozen sentients to die in the box. The way he had betrayed everyone except the Council.)

No, if Rako Hardeen hadn’t held that clone at blasterpoint, then Obi-wan Kenobi had.

It had been so easy, too easy to pick up the blaster and aim. And so difficult to keep himself from pulling the trigger.

~

The second-to-last time Obi-wan Kenobi held someone at blaster point should have been his last.

He had lost count of how many of the Death Watch he had felled, his aim unerring, bodies falling succession as he and Satine tried to make their escape.

It had been murder, plain and simple, Obi-wan not having the time nor the awareness (nor the inclination, if was going to be honest) to change his weapon to ‘stun.’

Perhaps Death Watch’s weapons did not even have such a setting. It wouldn’t surprise him, the Mandalorian splinter group lived by the most vicious of codes, and what need did they have of a weapon that would merely slow their enemy, not destroy them?

A weak justification for his actions. Disgusting, really. He was a Jedi, and he had killed. Indiscriminately.

And it hadn’t been enough.

In return, his penance took the form of an ancient weapon cruelly wielded, striking Obi-wan through his metaphorical heart as the dark blade slid easily into Satine’s gut.

Blasters, Obi-wan decided, had no place at a Jedi’s side.

~

The last time Obi-wan pointed a blaster at someone, there hadn’t a someone on the other side. There had been an entity, if it could be called that, a sentient monster masquerading as something more than a loose agglomeration of metal and organs, all tied together by compiled code somehow working in tandem with a higher brain function.

And that strange mix of machine and organs was set on destroying Obi-wan Kenobi.

It annoyed Obi-wan to no end, that Grievous was able to be such a thorn in his side, to be able to gain the upper-hand again and again in their confrontations. Trained in all forms of lightsaber combat, he had proven more than equal to any Jedi, and had been the downfall of too many of Obi-wan’s friends and colleagues, not to mention the Republic at large.

It was fitting, then, that the weapon to finally put and end to the mechanical bastard was no weapon of a Jedi, and every bit the piece of machinery the General was himself.

Obi-wan looked down at the blaster in his hand, sparing a single glance at the steaming pile of parts which had once been General Grievous.

He threw the weapon to the side with a crooked grimace.

“So uncivilized.”

legobiwan does whumptober