#Lyrics from the feminine urge by the last dinner party.
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Bend under the weight of it all Ain't it fun to hold the world in your hands?
#Lyrics from the feminine urge by the last dinner party.#Some prison pits Charlie for you on this fine day#and its trans charlie bc i cant help myself#this ended up wayyyyy more like the passion of christ than i intended#oh god he even has the wound in his left side#It was not intended#And yes the king in yellow did give charlie top surgery#no he did not want it#eyyy trauma#i will one day make a post about it#until then#noel my beloved <3#Kinda anxious about posting this one#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#charlie dowd#noel finley#noel malevolent#detective noel#charlie malevolent#Feeling a strange need to apologise#Whatever im fucking posting it#Drew this instead of doing my lab work reports#oh well#its better than drawing graphs#53 rats with a pencil
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collage that i made. w lyrics from the last dinner party’s song the feminine urge!
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The Last Dinner Party lyrics, Prelude to Ecstasy edition
▸ you think it's so romantic but in reality we're both just addicts. ▸ let me make my grief a commodity. ▸ you don't wanna hurt me but i want you to. ▸ i'd break off my ribs to make another you. ▸ you made me bite my tongue and now there's blood in my glass. ▸ this is too good to last. ▸ my darling, believe me, i was born to be with you. ▸ just for a second, i could be one of the greats, be caesar on a tv screen. ▸ when i was a child, i never felt like a child. ▸ everyone will like me then. everyone will love me. ▸ i'm only here for your entertainment. ▸ all the poison, i convert it and i turn it to love. ▸ here comes the feminine urge, i know it so well, to nurture the wounds my mother held. ▸ ain't it fun to hold the world in your hands? ▸ do you feel like a man when i can't talk back? ▸ do you want me or do you want control? ▸ do you want me to care when you just disappear? ▸ i could never give the curse to her. ▸ i could never live with the guilt of lying that people are kind. ▸ i know i'm better off not looking back. ▸ i wish i didn't want you. ▸ bite me again. ▸ when it's 4 AM and your heart is breaking, i will hold your hands to stop them from shaking. ▸ if it takes all night, i will be on your side. ▸ you smiled so sweetly as you threw me down the rocks. ▸ when you're lying here, i believe you love me. ▸ the best a boy can ever be is pretty. ▸ what i'm feeling isn't lust, it's envy. ▸ what good are red lips when faced with something sharp? ▸ i wish i knew you back when we were both small. ▸ there's nothing for me, here where the world is small. ▸ how you touch me, for that, i'd leave it all. ▸ cleanse my soul, make me whole. dance in the morning glow. ▸ hold me, we can't go back. ▸ teach me how to do as you do. guide me, show me how. ▸ picture me in bed under your crucifix. ▸ i wish you had given me the courtesy of ripping out my throat. ▸ i wish that i let you have the dignity of letting me go. ▸ i'd die for you no questions asked. ▸ if anyone could kill me, it probably would be you. ▸ i wish that i had the guts, the dignity, to put up a fight. ▸ anyone could kill me and i'd never ever let it be you. ▸ you can hold me like he held her and i will fuck you like nothing matters. ▸ even when the cold comes crashing through, i'm putting all my bets on you. ▸ i hope they never understand us. ▸ i put my heart inside your palms, my home in your arms, now we know nothing matters. ▸ i'm no good until i cry. ▸ lately i've been thinking, what if i keep sinking? ▸ if i drown, will they make me a star? ▸ i'm just a mirror, break my glass to fix your heart. ▸ i'm just a mirror, i don't exist without your gaze. ▸ i'll leave you flowers but not my name. ▸ lately i've been drinking, i need to stop my thinking.
#rp meme#rp starters#sentence starters#lyrics rp starters#lyrics starters#lyrics rp meme#lyrics meme#roleplay meme#ask meme#tag memes
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My 2024 album of the year is Prelude to Ecstasy, the debut by the Last Dinner Party! This album grabbed me from the very first listen, and it’s only gotten better and better with repeat listens. It’s massive and sweepingly orchestral like Florence + the Machine, and the lyrics hit HARD. The Feminine Urge has to be my favorite song of the year, the incisive social message combined with that elastic melody and giant orchestral sweeps… this album just blew me away. It had to be my number 1.
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who won the fight? i don't know but i guess that's the way things go i just need a little loving i know it's for the better i can't win them all how i wish the trees would swallow me and there's so much left to say you said you wanted to feel alive in my mind you'll always stay the same they do say love is blind you were happy i thought that i was your only friend we're not keeping score and i thanked god to touch the flame a distant memory i used to know i never grew up with you who am i to ask for more? i don't mind it's fine, it's cool so we went to the beach i swore lips were made for lies and i don't even care if it makes me sound insane and i cry it's not fair
made with lyrics from: true blue - boygenius // waiting room - phoebe bridgers // the way things go - beabadoobee // the feminine urge - the last dinner party // good luck, babe! - chappell roan // alley rose - conan gray
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i don't know what the last dinner party is but it's a band? a singer? can you recommend me music of them?? I'M CURIOUS BESTIE!! 💌🎀
yes they’re a band who i recently got into!!
some favourites from them rn :
(^where the lyrics from my title/bio are from!!)
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Bigender Alex fic is officially finished. It's managed to be at 11.5k mark... Oops.
I need sleep so it will be proofed & posted in the morning. Thank you for all the love on the snippets, this is the longest fanfic I've written & definitely the most personal, so it's meant the world.
I can tell you the title: Ain’t it fun to hold the world in your hands?
It's a lyric from The Last Dinner Party 's song The Feminine Urge.
💛
#bigender alex#rwrb#red white and royal blue#rwrb fanfic#firstprince#alex claremont diaz#bigender#genderqueer#tailsbeth writes
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SHARE AT LEAST FIVE SONGS THAT REMIND YOU OF YOUR MUSE, OR THAT YOU ASSOCIATE WITH YOUR MUSE’S CHARACTER ARC. Including lyrics is optional.
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The Feminine Urge — The Last Dinner Party
I am a dark red liver stretched out on the rocks / All the poison, I convert it and I turn it to love / Here comes the feminine urge, I know it so well / To nurture the wounds my mother held / Oh ballerina, bend under the weight of it all / Ain't it fun to hold the world in your hands?
Rises The Moon — Liana Flores
Days pull you up just like a daffodil / Uprooted from its garden / They tell you what you owe, but know even so / Rises the moon / You'll be visited by sleep / I promise you that soon the autumn comes / To steal away each dream / Breathe, breathe, breathe
Grace — IDLES
Give me grace, make me pure / When they're knocking at my door / Make me safe, away from harm / Hold me in my brother's arms / Make me pure / I will not take when I fall / Be the answer to my call / When you need, I will come / I will wage his war is won / Make me pure
Lavender Blood — Fox Academy
Nervous demeanour / Please make things cleaner / Fill me with dirt / Whatever makes you worse / Lavender is always running through my blood / I've had enough, I'm cold and it is dusk / Turn into dust, it's dripping from my gums / It's not enough
Gallowdance — Lebanon Hanover
Tanz mit mir den Galgentanz / Solange wir ... solange wir noch nicht hängen / Tanz mit mir den Galgentanz / Solange wir ... solange wir noch können / Der Baum steht schon lange da mein Schatz / Er wartet nur darauf das wir uns trennen / Der Baum steht schon da mein Schatz / Ein wunderschöner Baum um sich zu erhängen
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tagged by: @oathdestroyed (thank you, mwah!)
tagging: @bonegrieve (Vecna if it's not too soon/ Dragon husband) , @powerfought (Haru ♥) , @forbiddenacademia (Haleth) & everyone who likes to do it of :3
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The Feminine Urge to Capitalize on Feminism – Prelude to Ecstasy Album Review
“We are cordially invited to behold…” The debut of ambitious quintet, The Last dinner Party.
Who seem to have suddenly emerged from the depths of Instagram promotional reels and continue to pull themselves up by their stocking suspenders. The Party’s suspiciously well put together first single “Nothing Matters” of their debut album Prelude to Ecstasy caused a lot of controversy and industry plant accusation among the internet music moguls. Who, after the release of the debut album, have no chance but to admit, that whatever privileges The Last Dinner Party may have had, they damn sure used it well. Using their newfound platform to kick gen Z feminism in the right direction by showing ownership of womanhood. Prelude to Ecstasy is an album for the girls, by the girls, reclaiming perspectives on beauty and power.
Directed by Saorla Houston, The Last Dinner Party – Nothing Matters music video, 2023.
The first single, “Nothing Matters”, is nothing short of an admirably professional, well-thought-out, piece of art. Seldom do we see such strong and creative branding in a newly emerging band. Abigail Morris’ poignant vocals, which are reminiscent of Florence + The Machine’s powerful pipes, are incredibly convincing when she’s telling you that “she’d fuck you, like nothing matters”. Coincidentally, they shared the same producer, James Ford, who has done a skilled job at accentuating the power in Morris’ voice. Accompanied by shredding guitars, an empowering brass section, enchanting harmonies, and a hint of harp, the girl group managed to lay down an incredibly powerful baroque glam rock track of loving desperation and coquette drama.
One question that followed their debut of suspicious quality was whether the album would live up to the hype? After online audiences dug through the dirt to find the snakes resting beneath the surface, all that could be found was a band that took advantage of the time granted to them by the pandemic and skyrocketed when their talent got recognized by Island Records. Prelude to Ecstasy is a classic ‘all killer no filler’. The album-titled opening section sets the tone for a very respectable orchestral rock album filled with confrontational themes of womanhood – its privileges and complications. Leaving behind the bruised and battered remains of the male gaze.
Tracks such as “Beautiful Boy” embody the envy that the privileges of female beauty cannot make up for. The melodic switch from lovely to threatening encapsulates the feeling of the lyrics: “what I’m feeling isn’t lust, it’s envy”. Songs such as these offer an impressive range of feminist perspectives. Juxtaposing tracks such as “Ceasar on a TV Screen”, which offers the listener a more playful representation of the familiar struggle of female voices fighting to be heard. The track moves along through the successive sections that lead the song from lament to the cries of a conqueror powerful enough to seize Leningrad.
Photograph by Cal McIntyre, Prelude to Ecstasy - The Last Dinner Party, 2023.
Prelude to Ecstasy is a healthy balance between the murderous tendencies that seem to be an essential part of womanhood these days and the recognition of love. Songs such as “Sinner”, portray the excitement of the sin that is interwoven with the actions of love, through which the band exercise their cheekiness and appreciation of these relations. Showcasing that it is not all about the drama, but that there is fun to be had as well.
All of this paints the perfect picture of the bands identity. One last song that needs pointing out, that wraps up all the elements that come forth in Prelude To Ecstasy is “Gjuha”, which translates to ‘tongue’ in Albanian. Sung in Albanian by keyboardist Aurora Nischevi, it tells the story of the limitations and struggles of language when you try to communicate your love to those you hold dear in a language that you do not control. All the appreciation that is lost in translation. This track might seem slightly arbitrary at first, yet if you really consider it in the context of the band, it adds such a level of depth to the record. It takes on the role of the last piece of the puzzle of what The Last Dinner Party is about.
What we can take away from an album like this is: “Make your grief a commodity,” because people seem to dig it. The Last Dinner Party have shown us what the new wave of feminism is about by releasing an album of unwavering identity and a message that speaks of struggles that sadly lots of us can relate to. Yet, it does so through the means of cathartic violence, which makes it an incredibly satisfying listen. And for those who have trouble looking further than their accusations of privilege, may it be a lesson.
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He’s My Girl (Chapter 12)
TITLE OF STORY: He’s My Girl CHAPTER: 12 AUTHOR: miss-m-and-her-blog WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: AU Actor!Tom GENRE: Romance, Action, Drama FIC SUMMARY: He’s a guy, she’s a boy in disguise. He’s an actor, she’s a stuntman or -woman. How can it ever work when the famous Tom Hiddleston stars in an action film, with Charlie or Charlene as his stunt choreographer? RATING: T WARNINGS/TRIGGERS/AUTHORS NOTES: Swear words, once again. FEEDBACK/COMMENTS: Hey, I’m back from a long long hiatus haha :D I hope the readers enjoy this chapter :D
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“Two more shots of Brandy!” Julian ordered at the passing waiter, screaming as the club’s loud sound system tried to drown out his voice.
After the dinner at the Redbird, the group decided to go for drinks at the neighboring club. Of course, a little partying never hurt. They all sat at a rounded couch at the club’s exclusive corner; Tom and Paula sat together, Julian and Gwen couldn’t stay away from each other now, while Charlie and Lily sat near Paula.
Paula had been engrossed in a full conversation with Lily, talking about what skincare products down to the brushes that Lily uses.
Charlie could hear some of it, but his attention, for now, was on his Bourbon punch.
However, Julian, who seemed to have loosened up, glared at Charlie, “Charlie! Are you still on that punch? Why not have something stronger?”
He held out his hand, kindly declining, “No, man, I’m good. I have a low tolerance for alcohol.”
Tom heard Charlie, then he craned his neck over Paula and Lily that are now huddled together, still talking about make-up.
“Stop being a tosser, mate. Come on, Charlie, just one shot.” Tom urged him.
Gwen spoke up, “Oh you brutes! Let Charlie have his drink!” She then slapped Julian’s thigh.
After finishing their current drinks, they ordered another round. The night is still young and all of them agreed to get piss-ass drunk for the night. Tom was braver now he is a little bit drunk. He insisted on everyone to a dance off while the song Roses by Chainsmokers blasted loudly at the dance floor.
He encouraged everyone to come down with him. Paula rolled her eyes while Tom jumped around getting ready, “You’re just like that because you can dance.” She shouted over the loud music.
As all of them started to walk out of their seat, Tom came around Charlie, and there, he started to pull Charlie into the dance floor. Charlie couldn't help but be taken away as Tom held his wrist and was pulling him to dance. He was followed by Julian and Gwen, Lily, then by Paula. Unfortunately, when they reached the middle of the dance floor, the song ended.
"Just on time." Tom sarcastically remarked.
Charlie shrugged, then, they all heard another song play; it was Wanna Be Your Baby by Zara Larsson.
"This is my jam! Come on, babe!" Julian smoothly linked his arm over Gwen's waist and then they disappeared in the crowd.
Tom, Charlie, and Lily started dancing to the beat; Paula, who looked around, felt like she wanted to go back to their table, did walk back. When the chorus came up, a good-looking Latino pulled Lily away and they started dancing close together.
I wanna be your first, your last, your everything I wanna be in your arms and definitely
Tom belted those lyrics out while jiving in front of Charlie. He made their hands link on to each other, while he swung Charlie's arm from to left to right.
I wanna be someone you keep coming back to see I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be your baby
Charlie laughed out loud as Tom looked so funny while he drunkenly sang out loud. But when Tom saw Charlie's smile and heard his laugh, he thought about something he had never thought about before;
Dammit, Charlie would've been so beautiful if ever he became a woman...
Tom couldn't help but smile widely at that thought until he found himself making funnier faces so Charlie wouldn't stop laughing.
Am I that drunk that I now think Charlie could be so attractive?
Tom's thoughts started to mildly alarm him. When the song came to an end, Tom pulled Charlie into the bar until the DJ started playing another bop.
"Two Tequila shots," Tom asked the bartender.
Charlie had the look of disbelief, "You're not drinking those two shots by yourself, are you?"
Tom had a sly smile on his face that Charlie thought for a second if he's talking to Loki.
“No, you're drinking the other one." He then pushed the shot glass towards Charlie, full to the brim with Tequila.
The bartender placed the lime and salt near them. The last time Charlie got drunk was when Uncle Barty and his friends made him drink Whisky, and of course, he regretted the hangover that came the morning after. But this time, he's drinking with Tom. Maybe it won't hurt to have a shot or two with his crush.
Let's have it at the same time..." Tom got the salt and shook some at the back of his hand, "Come on, give me yours," then he also poured salt at the back of Charlie's hand.
“Ready?" Tom winked at Charlie.
They both sucked on the thick slice of lime, licked the salt, then finally, shot down the Tequila. Charlie hissed as the Tequila warmed his chest, setting a gentle fire up to his system.
Tom laughed after drinking his shot, and also because he saw Charlie's cheeks blush red.
“I think I'm a fan of Tequila now." Charlie giggled.
And for a moment, he caught Tom staring at him. A smile was on his lips, yet his eyes, brighter than the lights inside the club.
"What? Is there something in my face?" Charlie consciously rubbed his nose and his cheeks.
But Tom shook his head gently, "No. Your face is perfect."
Only, Charlie didn't catch what he said as the loud music banged on from the large speakers, "What? My face is what?!"
Tom only smirked and turned away, "Nothing!"
Little did they know, Paula was observing them from afar. The way Tom talked to Charlie, the way he smiles at him, made her feel jealous.
I know I shouldn’t be... But why? Paula thought to herself.
Once more, she saw them lean close so they could hear each other better. At that time, she felt her heartstrings being pulled apart. She didn’t want anymore to be in that club, more than she didn’t want to see Charlie and Tom together.
With that, she took her purse and left, and without any goodbyes to Tom.
“Hey, where’s Paula?” Tom slurred when he no longer saw her at their seat.
“Where’s Lily?” Charlie looked from left to right, and when he caught sight of Lily at another table, being forced to make out with a guy, the warm feeling inside him became a raging fire.
Charlie walked about and turned back from Tom.
“Charlie, where are you going?”
When Charlie got near Lily, who was struggling from the guy that had pulled him away earlier, Charlie immediately grabbed the collar of the guy’s shirt and pushed him away with all of his strength.
“Get away from my cousin, you perv!” Charlie shouted, feeling braver than usual because of that Tequila shot.
Lily sighed in relief but noticed that Charlie’s voice sounded higher than his usual disguise of tone.
The guy stood up, towering over Charlie. He was burly but drunk, and Charlie knew he could take him down in one move.
“Who are you? Her lesbian bitch?!” He spat at Charlie.
Lily had to hold Charlie down at his elbows so he wouldn’t fight back. The man was clearly an asshole and not worthy to have a brawl with. The man stepped up, ready to land a blow over Charlie’s face, when another towering figure got in between them--Tom.
“Pick someone your own size.” His menacing tone evidently scared the drunken douchebag.
Tom was followed by two bouncers, whom he had asked to intervene at the scene. The man stood back and gulped back when he saw the bouncers, with arm muscles that are as massive as their chests.
Tom then turned to Charlie and Lily, “Are you okay?”
They both looked at each other first, then nodded at Tom.
“Let’s get out of here.” He came over them and pulled them away.
Julian and Gwen also noticed them and they also made their way towards them.
“Tom, man! What happened?” Julian got Tom’s attention.
“We’re leaving” Tom’s eyes were dark, the muscles of his jaws were tensed.
When they finally got out of the crowded entrance of the club, the cold air chilled them as it had been too hot inside.
Tom turned to Lily, “Did he hurt you?”
Lily, who looked dizzy, tried to reply, “No... But he made me drink something.”
Charlie’s eyes widened then spoke through gritted teeth., “I’ll fucking dent that asshole’s face.”
Tom stopped him, “The bouncers had taken care of that. Why don’t we all call it a night?”
He turned to Julian and Gwen; Julian only shrugged, “I guess so. Lily doesn’t look so good.”
Charlie sighed, Lily is just a kid; he may be tall and very feminine, but he would never forgive himself if anything happens to his cousin.
“Okay. I’ll call a cab for me and Lily.” Charlie said while he fished his phone on his pocket.
“I’ll be taking Gwen home if all of you don’t mind.” Julian shyly spoke up.
Tom had a small smile on his lips and nodded at his best mate. He then stopped Charlie from punching numbers on his phone, “I’ll take you two home. Don’t worry about it.”
Charlie wanted to protest, he didn’t want to bother Tom who also looked intoxicated, only, he was just good at hiding it.
“No, Tom, you should go home. You’ve done so much, I can’t--”
Tom only looked down at him with a stern glance. He knew he can’t convince Tom otherwise.
“Charlie, let Tom take you and Lily home. I think that’s for the better.” Julian suggested.
“And you’ll be safe with Tom,” Gwen added.
Charlie finally nodded in agreement, “Okay.”
Tom then turned to Gwen and Julian, “Hey, did you saw Paula back there? I couldn’t find her, everything went too fast.”
Lilly spoke up, “She left. I saw her head for the exit.” He then took Charlie’s shoulder for support as he is getting dizzier by the minute.
Tom only looked down. Maybe he’ll text Paula later.
Julian and Gwen left, then Tom took his car out of the parking while Charlie and Lily waited from a convenience store just beside the club.
While they sat outside, near the entrance steps, Lily leaned on Charlie’s shoulder.
“Couz, your boyfriend is so sweet, isn’t he?” Lily slurred.
Charlie snorted, “Shut up. He’s not my boyfriend. Tom’s just being kind.”
“But you like him, though, right?” Lily teased, even though his head felt it was about to explode.
Charlie didn’t answer that. There was no need for an answer to that, Charlie didn’t just like Tom; he really likes Tom.
When Tom’s car arrived, Charlie helped Lily up and they both sat at the back. Charlie saw that Tom had bought some medicine for Lily.
“Sorry, I had to stop by a drugstore. So, where do you live again?” Tom turned to them.
“Downtown,” Charlie replied.
“Okay. And uh, if I look sleepy, just tap my shoulder.” Tom joked as he started the engine.
Charlie only smiled at him as they started to move out.
While on their way home, Charlie kept Lily’s head from rolling out and had a plastic bag ready when he vomits. Tom saw how Charlie had taken care of Lily over the rearview mirror. He remembered when Charlie told him that he only has his extended family, that’s why he’s this way towards Lily.
Around 1 o’clock in the morning, they reached the Gosengtian residence. Charlie carefully woke Lily up who had been sleeping for a while.
“Lily, we’re home. You have to wake up.” Charlie gently slapped Lily’s cheeks.
Tom saw that Lily is not waking from his nap, “I could help you with Lily.”
Charlie shook his head, already embarrassed, “Please Tom, it’s too much. I can carry Lily inside.”
Tom’s eyebrow raised, “Really?” He doubtfully remarked.
Charlie grunted as he placed Lily upright, “Yes really.”
Tom didn’t bother to listen to Charlie, he got out of the driver’s seat and opened the door at the back seat.
“Come on, I’ll help you with him.” Tom offered.
He had no other choice but to let Tom help him; Tom took Lily’s right arm on his shoulders, while Charlie handled Lily’s left.
When they finally reached the doorstep, Charlie took out his key and opened the front door. The living room and kitchen had been dimly lit, and everybody seems to be asleep.
“Come on. Just quietly. We don’t want to wake Uncle Barty and Auntie Baby.” Charlie whispered as they carefully threaded the stairs while they almost dragged Lily around.
Upon reaching Lily and Charlie’s room, Charlie heard Uncle Barty come out of their room.
“Shit! Get inside! Take Lily inside!” He immediately opened their room and Tom hurriedly dragged Lily inside, and Charlie was left at the hallway.
Uncle Barty rubbed his eyes, dressed in a silk sleeping robe and his PJs.
“Hey. Did you just came in?” He asked Charlie.
“Yep.” Charlie closed the door behind him, sneakily, and tried to get in between it.
“Is Lian inside? Did he came home with you?” Uncle Barty wanted to push the door in to see if Lily did come home with Charlie.
“Yeah. He’s inside. Lily’s just--” He wanted to say plastered but he doesn’t want his Uncle Barty to throw a fit at him when actually, they have brought a man home with them--the number one rule in the household that they have broken.
“He’s getting ready to sleep. And you know, Uncle Barty--” Charlie comically yawned, “I think I need to get going too. Goodnight.”
Charlie quickly dismissed Uncle Barty and got inside the room. When Barty got shut off by the door, he shook his head, “Kids these days.”
Charlie gave out a big sigh of relief when he got inside. Tom had already placed Lily down at the bed.
Tom sat down at the floor, his back at the bed.
“Thank you so much, Tom... for this. I know it’s really embarrassing--” Charlie started to explain.
“Do you always get embarrassed when someone helps you?” Tom teased.
Charlie tilted his head to the left, “Well, it may be a Filipino trait of being too shy when accepting someone’s help--or owing someone a great deal.” He joked.
Tom chuckled then started to get up when they both heard Uncle Barty loudly rap the door, “Charlene, is someone there with you and Lily?”
“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Charlie cursed while he panicked on how to hide Tom. And no, their closet won’t be able to hide Tom there.
Uncle Barty continued knocking, demanding the door be opened, then, Charlie saw their open window.
“Go at the rooftop. Hide there and don’t make a sound!” Charlie whispered then Tom started climbing up the iron ladder that leads to the rooftop.
“I won’t repeat myself, Charlene, open this door.” Uncle Barty ordered.
When the door opened once again, he saw that Charlie had already changed into a shirt and shorts, his common sleeping clothes.
“Uncle Barty! It’s almost dawn, come on, I’m almost off to bed.” Charlie acted sleepy, but actually, his heart is pounding on his chest.
“Huh. I thought a guy was inside your room. Okay. I guess I’ll stay up. I won’t be able to sleep back because of you kids partying till dawn. I’ll be downstairs, watching TV.”
When Uncle Barty finally turned away, Charlie closed the door and cursed once again under his breath. Tom will not be able to get out at the front door, now that Uncle Barty’s guarding the ground floor, or watching TV. Charlie remembered Tom, and there, he climbed up. He immediately saw Tom slumped down at the worn out couch that they have placed there for hangouts. He was almost snoring when he approached Tom.
“Tom? Are you awake?” Charlie carefully booped Tom’s cheek.
Tom’s eyes flickered open and saw Charlie, in shorts and a black t-shirt, which showed his curves. He thought that it might just be his drunkenness that had made him see Charlie like a woman.
“I’m awake.” Tom held up his hands.
“Bad news. I don’t think you would be able to get out of the house. Uncle Barty’s up and guarding the front door.” Charlie sighed.
Tom, already feeling the drowsiness and own drunken state getting the best of him, crossed his arms on his chest, “Then I’ll stay here until the morning.”
Charlie wanted to say something else, but there was no other way but to let Tom stay for the night.
“Well... I’ll be down for a minute. Just stay there and don’t move.” Charlie strictly instructed him.
Charlie ran and got down the rooftop, barefoot, that the cold stone tiles of the rooftop almost electrified his soles.
Tom waited and tried to stay up, but he would drift out for a minute and then. The next time he opened his eyes, Charlie had moved the table in front of them and there stood a clear glass of water with a diffused alka-seltzer at the bottom. He looked on his left and there he saw Charlie also huddled in a blanket and was watching a movie on his phone, the headphone attached to his ears, and also a glass of water with alka-seltzer that stood below him.
“Hey.” Tom whispered.
Charlie almost jumped when Tom reached out for him. But he immediately pointed the glass to Tom, “Drink that. That will make you feel better.”
Tom only nodded in reply and took the glass and drank from it. After Tom had drunk all of it, he turned to Charlie.
“I don’t feel so sleepy anymore. What time is it?”
Charlie placed down his phone, “It’s almost 3 o’clock in the morning. I thought I was going to watch over you for the rest of the night, so I’ve thought about staying up.”
Tom only looked at Charlie, then asked, “What are you watching?”
Charlie shrugged and took his phone on his hand to show it to Tom, “Just catching up to some Pinoy movies back home.”
Tom, now curious, took the right side of the headphones, “What’s the title?”
Charlie felt Tom closing in, as he became interested at the movie he is watching, “My Ex and Whys.”
Tom placed the headphones on his right ear and huddled near Charlie, “Can I watch it with you?”
Charlie’s cheeks felt burning as Tom smiled at him, still looking his best even when he is sleep-deprived and hungover.
“S-sure. I’ll turn on the subtitles for you.” Charlie replied, trying not to flail around as his crush wants to watch a romantic movie with him.
Charlie played it once more from the start so Tom could relate to the plot. Of course, he had some commentaries every now and then,
“Oh, so she’s Liza Soberano. She is pretty.” Tom pointed out, to which Charlie explained, “That’s Enrique Gil, he’s always paired with her in movies and teledramas--they’re a loveteam, it’s what they call back home.”
Tom was engrossed in the movie, Charlie could tell. But with the way his so close to him, divided his focus from the movie and the way Tom sat beside him.
Then, the pivotal scene of the movie came up, Liza Soberano’s character, Cali confronted Enrique Gil’s character, Gio;
Am I not enough? <<Am I replaceable?>>
Charlie had to hold on to something before he could tear up; not while Tom is just beside him, watching.
No, you’re not. Said Enrique’s character.
Then why?! Liza’s character shouted out, finally breaking down to sobs and tears.
Charlie noticed that Tom heaved a grave sigh, then said, “Well shit.”
They met glances and Tom’s eyes looked watery, but he immediately reasoned, “It’s too cold. I’m sniffling because of the cold.”
Charlie smirked, then they continued watching. All the while, Charlie quietly observed Tom when he didn’t knew. He had already taken off his jacket, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, just like the way he looked like on some photoshoots that he did before.
If only, he could have Tom, just this way, always; he wouldn’t ask for anything more. As soon as that thought came to his mind, he dismissed it quickly.
Who are you kidding? This will only happen once. Don’t get used to it. Charlie berated himself, internally.
The movie ended just before 4 o’clock in the morning. Tom had a pleasant look on his face afterwards, then he said,
“The ending was quite predictable--it’s a rom-com. But then... I think I like LizQuen now.” Tom explained.
Charlie’s face lit up, then he removed the headphone on his left ear, “Really? Be careful, you might become one of their army of fans.”
Tom leaned on the thick cushioned armrest of the couch, “Well, what’s wrong with that?”
They both laughed out loud afterwards, but they remembered to be quiet or someone else might catch them up the rooftop.
For a moment, they both went silent as they stared out at the skyline of Downtown; the lights of the buildings and streets made it look like the stars are below there on the ground.
Then, out of nowhere, Tom asked Charlie, “Charlie? Have you ever been in love?
Charlie froze, wondering why on earth Tom would ask him something like that.
“I... I don’t think I’ve been in love before...” Charlie replied, timidly.
“I did. A lot of times. It’s the most wonderful yet the most horrific feeling. It was good--no, it’s great. But, I had someone broke my heart before. Well, also a lot of instances, too.”
Charlie didn’t spoke, he let Tom say what he needed to say. Tom placed his longs legs into the couch, reaching Charlie at the other end.
“I don’t know much, sorry...” Charlie finally said.
Tom smiled, wrapped the blanket around him and stared at Charlie.
“We’re friends now, are we, Charlie?” Tom asked him.
Charlie nodded in reply. Tom inhaled sharply, “I wanted you to know that I trust you. Sometimes, trust is like... Crossing a tight rope,” He demonstrated an imaginary line in front of him, his hands, the two points of the tight rope.
“Then someone from below would tell you that they’d catch you if ever you would fall. I’ve been fooled that they would catch me no matter what...”
Tom suddenly sat up briskly that it startled Charlie. He was no longer sure if Tom was still drunk or is he just in between waking and dreaming.
He placed his long arm on Charlie’s shoulder and pulled him close, “Charlie, let’s real talk right now... Would you catch me, if I fall from a tight rope?”
Tom was not making any sense, at least, but Charlie felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter harder, that he stuttered while answering, “Y-Yes, of course.”
Once more, he gave Charlie the most serene of looks, the same look he had back in Suffolk. His face shining and painfully beautiful.
He tried to catch his breath before he lose his own self just because Tom looked so damned perfect at that moment.
“I would catch you... If you fall. Always.” Charlie said it, like it was a pledge of his own love to Tom. Even though it’s far from the possible that Tom can be his, Charlie made it a promise to him, somehow.
“Thanks man... Charlie, you’re the best. Someone should really date you, though. You’re such a kind-hearted person.” Tom rambled as he laid back once more.
Charlie had to touch his cheeks with the back of his hands because he was burning and flushed.
He waited for a while if Tom would get up again, but he heard him snore softly.
“Nope! No, Tom, you can’t sleep here. We got to go down, or we’ll catch a cold.” Charlie shook Tom who awoke easily, but was already sluggish, his eyelids, half-closed.
Luckily, Charlie convinced him to go down to Lily’s room to sleep there for the next hours to come.
“Holy fucking shit!” Lily almost shouted when he saw Tom Hiddleston, sleeping in between him and his cousin, Charlie.
He first ogled the scene; Tom was big-spooning him while being sandwiched between him and Charlie; Charlie big-spooned Tom, who only wore Charlie’s oversized t-shirt and shorts that revealed his long runner legs.
“Cha-Cha! Wake up!” He pulled Charlie’s left ear and it made her wince with pain.
“Fuck off!” Charlie hissed, but Lily pinched him at the sides so he could finally wake up.
“Lily, what’s wrong with you!? I’m trying to sleep here!” Charlie unconsciously wrapped his arms around Tom’s waist, hugging him close like a pillow.
“Did we had a threesome with Tom Hiddleston, huh? Answer me, Charlene!” Lily now growled and that made Charlie bolt right up because Lily had just mentioned his real name in front of Tom.
“Shut up! Why did you called me that? Tom might be awake!” He retaliated with a loud smack on Lily’s arm.
Lily pushed Charlie’s shoulder then pointed out the situation right in front of them. “Explain.” He dirtily eyed Charlie.
Charlie now finally realized what had shocked Lily, there, he started to account to him what happened last night.
Lily only crossed his arms around his chest, his mermaid-hair disheveled.
“Then your Dad woke up and almost wanted to get inside when Tom was still here! He would’ve killed us if he knew Tom was here--so, I made Tom stay for the night.” Charlie gestured at all of Tom, who is stretched out in their bed, sleeping.
“So... We didn’t had sex with him last night?” Lily raised his perfect eyebrow.
“No. For fuck’s sake, why would we do that?” Charlie raked his short hair with his fingers, feeling frustrated.
“Shame.” Lily clicked his tongue.
This time, Charlie slapped his arm, and he mockingly shot a dark look at his cousin, “Hey!”
“Seriously...” Charlie shook his head, then his focus went back to Tom, who is peacefully sleeping in between them; like a demigod from Mount Olympus who’d just decided to a sleepover with them.
Charlie restrained himself from touching his cheek as he slept, yet, Lily’s focus was on another thing.
“Hey, couz. Charlie.” He grabbed Charlie’s jaw then made it face at Tom’s lower half.
“Do you see what I see?” Lily nodded at the protruding shape, just between the valley of Tom’s legs.
Charlie’s eyes widened and he clasped his mouth before he could overreact; their eyes are not fooled, Tom had just a morning wood.
“It’s really a shame we didn’t had a threesome with this guy. Damn... I know what his fans call that! It’s his Hiddlesconda!” Lily teased Charlie who had thrown a pillow over Tom’s loins to cover it, only to have his wood deflect it.
Lily chuckled with delight as he quipped once more, “No! They have a new name for it! It’s Ragnacock!” Lily now cackled loudly.
“Ssh! You’ll wake him! How about you go down the kitchen to get something to eat? And see if Uncle Barty’s gone for the day so Tom could go home now!” He ordered Lily with another slap on the shoulder.
Lily was still giggling and cackling as he made his way into the door, but he looked back, “Hey, don’t even think about peeking at his morning wood.”
Charlie grimaced, “Get the fuck down!” then threw a pillow at Lily’s direction.
He slumped back and kept a safe distance from Tom, that has been sleeping sweetly, even though there had been a small commotion just above him.
Charlie sighed as he watched Tom sleep. He didn’t knew what came over Tom to say things like that last night. But Charlie knew, whatever happens, even his cover could be blown and Tom would hate him for it; he would still love him.
Love him. He repeated that to himself.
Is this it? Does Charlene Lee, a.k.a. Charlie Go had finally and fully fallen in love with none other than, Tom Hiddleston? Is his feelings more than some mad crush? More than of a friend’s?
Charlie only looked away; if he had fallen in love with Tom, he’s not hoping that Tom would eventually return his feelings.
That would be the day, Charlene. He rambled internally.
#my fanfics#fanfic#fanfiction#tom hiddleston#AU!Actor Tom#thfrustration#thfrustration submission#jessica as Charlene
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