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my favorite coworker told me the scenario she thinks of to fall asleep is she stumbles upon a baby sheep and has to raise it and it grows up and she has to shear it and she says she envisions shearing it so carefully that she always falls asleep at that part

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maybe this time picking at Textures on my skin will lead to being silky smooth

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their scared cus they never saw a sandwich that big. but the dad has to look brave for his son

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my favourite conspiracy theory is that Someday you will ache like i ache

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Megan Williams, from "There Will Be Bad Days" [ID in ALT]

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the first time i ever had an edible i was watching Jersey Shore and i thought i was having a psychic moment because the phone rang on the show and i was like “ 🗿 she is going to pick it up and say Hello 🧠” and was correct

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me having a weird time: man this weird time sucks! i don't feel like myself! i wish i was having a normal time!

me having a normal time: well the weird time did have a certain je ne sais quoi...

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A good thing you can do with an ulcer or other painful sore inside your mouth is to keep pressing your tongue against it to make it hurt more, or even bother it with your teeth for some reason. You can do a similar thing with bad memories!

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i <3 my grandmother’s big idiot cats

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life when you remember you can get drunk and isolate yourself from others to avoid emotionally processing difficult problems

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tumblr is my morning cigarette.

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the trauma didn’t make me funny it just made me do a phd

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hehe it is my master’s graduation today AND my birthday AND i am getting a departmental award AND my family is coming up for the weekend 😎 incredible vibe.

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“The Driver” by Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is out now! Order it here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

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i went on my phone 😎

absolutely evil when you have a spare half an hour in between activities. what am i meant to do 😔