#Love to look at puppies hate to live with them when they cry and poop everywhere

[stardustedknuckles]

My sister and I are moving to different states within a few weeks of each other and our mother straight up got two puppies with our hair colors and everything.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c2. 'The urgency.'

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, eating disorders, depression.

song to listen to when reading this: The Chain, Fleetwood Mac.

abstract: this is Jude, this is a little bit of information about me since you care so much, I don't even know you… anyway yes, I really like being mysterious, what you gonna do about it, punch me in the face? I'm not even real, grow the fuck up. see ya.

Sometimes, she just fucking hated her life. She supposed it was normal like that, it happened to everyone to absolutely fucking despise their lives, no? She wakes at the same hour everyday, does her makeup. Not too much, not too little to show she was sleep deprived and got high last night. Her identity was concealed under eyeliner and blush. She looks like a doll. She likes her makeup, she's quite good at it. She plays with her hairstyles, sometimes a bun, sometimes braids, sometimes loose with a headband, depending on the mood. She walks her dog and cleans his poop. Jinx, a 5 month old Belgian Malinois she adopted when she moved. She found him at a shelter for abused puppies, he was the last one to get adopted. She decided to take him, she planned to move to the countryside soon anyways. Gaining his trust was one of her biggest accomplishments, now the dog had a bit of an attachment issue, but they were working on getting better together. She drives to work with the same 4 playlists playing in her car. Old rock, Frank Ocean, some Italian songs here and there.

She always comes in dressed in dark colours, dark red, dark blue or black. She has 10 male patients and 8 female soldiers. Some of them are combat medics, some snipers. Demolition experts. She works 'till lunch time, eats alone, sometimes skips lunch just to make her body feel something and indulge in disordered eating, then goes outside to smoke and comes back in. After the afternoon sessions, she sometimes has groups together for some group therapy. Then she usually goes home and smokes weed while she cooks her dinner, she acts like she's in MasterChef, puts on music and pours herself a glass of wine 'Quando sei qui con me' she sings to her dog, 'Questa stanza non ha più pareti, ma alberi'. Jinx doesn't even know Italian. Two times a week, she teaches ballet at a local dance school. 13 year old is not old enough to be on point shoes. It's her favourite time of the week though. She gets to finally have control of a situation, she gets some respect. 13 year olds, a fucking nightmare… She gets to tell them what to do and correct their arms, their feet, their posture and they listen! They do, and they like her, they say thank you Alba, see you next week! They learn her choreographies, they follow her lead when she explains a new variation. They even like the songs she chooses for warm up. Mostly Abba.

Alba is not her real name, but they don't know that. A gift from Laswell, when she started working for her. A sparkly new identity, English ID and nice documents that prove she's an English citizen, born in Southampton. She's not. Kept a little bit of Italian in the fake name. She hasn't been in Italy in close to five years. She went on vacation alone in Tuscany once, just to feel her country again for a second. She is not in contact with her family, last message from her sister was three years ago, it went 'I hope you're alive.' Her mother taught her violence. To be in power. To be beautiful and kind. To never ever trust someone who wouldn't give their life for you. Her mother taught her loyalty, respect. She used to never cry as a child. She loved to know stuff, to read about planets. She would kill lizards in the backyard with her little brother, who died young. She saw her first gun at 13. Now, her name is not Alba and it sure isn't Jude. Or Judy, as some patients call her. They know it's a callsign, a code name, everyone has one, especially in the task forces. Hers is Jude. 'Jude looks like an angel, but her words have thorns'. That's what Billy Lunette had to say about her. Billy had been her favourite patient for the whole of 2021. He had PTSD, he had night terrors and was in a mental hospital for schizophrenia symptoms for a while. He wouldn't take his medication, he would smoke, he was a mess. He listened to her though. She was the only one who visited him in the hospital. She showed him he could trust her and he completely lost himself in her. He would call her at 3 in the morning, drop by her office too many times per day, developed a bit of a codependency, but she was able to help him through his pain. He would do research about the treatments, the medicine, cognitive behavioural therapy. Billy was happy now. He was grateful to have had her and she was grateful that Billy had been a great patient. Big challenge. Billy was her biggest accomplishment, and proof of the fact she wasn't completely useless in the army.

She didn't work for the entirety of 2022. She had an accident with one of the patients, classified information. She survived, but man was it hard to live after that day... Spent time with her dog, visited a friend in San Francisco, taught ballet. Price and Laswell felt so guilty they continued to pay her even if she wasn't working. Why she decided to come back she really didn't know. She thinks the truth is she likes helping people, makes her feel good. She likes the crazy stories and that she had a reputation at the base, she was starting to be respected. She craved that. And it really started to bore her, the routine. Until Arash. Seeing Arash so frighted and tense was new, he was a calm and polite gentlemen. She saw an invisible string tying his story and his damned pilgrimage book to the mission she knew had failed in the Middle East. Now, it was a little bit of a stretch. So she did her little research, put her Sherlock hat on, lit a cigarette and started digging.

She had fun, until things really started clocking. He was missing his doctor appointments on purpose on specific dates, to go do what? Call someone? She couldn't steal his phone. Send letters? She tried the post office but found out nothing. The bank really did give her his statements, which was pure luck. He had set his personal security questions as his birthday and his mother's name, which she knew, because he told her. She knew everything about him, even his social security number. Arash really trusted her and she had an incredible memory for unnecessary details. Also, he left his wallet on the couch in her office countless times, it’s not that she looked, it was just there and she remembered. When she saw him stressed and fidgety she knew he was hiding something. She kept a straight face, 'Arash, we can really talk about whatever you want, you know' and he would interrupt her 'You don't understand. The urgency!', he continued to say. She really didn't want to tell Price herself, she would have preferred for Laswell to do it. She took extra time in the morning to get ready that day. She was going in a separate area she knew very little about, and nobody knew who she was. Sometimes people mistook her for someone's wife, or daughter. She chose her outfit accordingly, she wanted to seem professional. She wore a sports bra. There was nothing to look at anyways. She didn't put on lipstick, not even the nude one. She was used to being underestimated, and being looked down at. She was also used to raising her voice and presenting herself as stoic and cold. She knew perfectly how to be violence. She noticed a familiar face once she opened the door of the briefing room. A familiar face mask. The skull guy, she had seen him before. Was he the guy…

She could't get distracted. Her little mission went smoothly. She always knew Price liked her and feared her at the same time, and when it came to his little soldier boys, she really didn't care what they thought. The guy from the day of her accident even spoke to her. Poor thing. She was really amused no one told him about the reason why she didn't want to go home alone. He did really good that night, she remembers him well. He didn't try to speak too much, he sounded gentle. A gentle giant. Unfortunately for him, no one was gonna tell him about that day. When she left the room, she went straight home. She doubted someone would ever contact her again about the situation, they would handle it themselves, and probably very badly. She was driving to her ballet lesson, still thinking they all looked so confused by her words. They were probably gonna do a stupid interrogation, or rather do nothing and wait for the next mission to be a shit show. Imbecilli.

'Alright girls, one more time please!' At least she had her little ballerinas to cheer her up. She had them warm up, she usually did the warm up routine with them. She walked between the four rows of kids at the barre, delivering her corrections. Jennifer usually had stiff hands, and she was tense in her shoulders. Kyla had a beautiful turnout but she often confused her arms positions. The jetes routine, they always forgot that one. 'It's three in front and switch… guys I'm not gonna repeat myself'. She thought she sounded rude sometimes, but 13 year old American girls were a nightmare to work with. Last month, she even had to deal with poor Gemma being bullied in the changing rooms. 'I'm gonna say this just once, three in the front, switch to the back.' she liked demonstrating, felt like she was taking lessons herself. 'Ta-ra, ta-ra, ta-da. And we're gonna hold here' she lifted herself on her toes and attached her right pointed foot to her knee. She let go of the barre, holding her balance on one foot. 'Passè.' she said. The girls groaned. 'The more you complain the more I'm gonna make you stay like this girls. We're gonna do one minute.' She went to the side of the room, to play the music 'From the top.'

notes: translation of the song: 'Quando sei qui con me' when you're with me, 'Questa stanza non ha più pareti, ma alberi', this room doesn't have walls no more, it has trees.

notes: Alba means something specific!

translation: imbecilli, means imbeciles.

notes: let me know what you think !! <3

love, mare.

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006

[yamithediaperdork]

Moving day (Harry potter)

They say that any move can be stressful and the adjustment period of living with new roommates can be hard for the first few days, even if your new roomies happen to be your older twin brothers. And not making things any easier though they of course love and support you, is that your boyfriend is coming with you for the move, and as such you had to tell them about the special arrangement. Still stories over the phone apparently didn't fully paint a picture and now Ron and Draco are waiting for the twins to stop staring and let them in. The twins themselves were wearing matching white t-shirts and blue jeans. Ron was in a loose and long sleeved black shirt and black cargo pants, and Draco took the cake. what with the pure blood ex bully being in green cover all's (with crotch snaps!) and a black t-shirt it looked like under the cover-all's. and by how swollen and BIG Draco's crotch and rear looked, the boy was easily rocking 3 nappies. "Interesting..fashion choice." George said finally. "Inner child and all that." Fred said.

Getting Draco inside Ron got his big baby of a boyfriend sat down in the living room to get to know his unca's better while Ron went and unpacked, not a easy job to do since they were making use of a magic suitcase so there was at least a few hours worth of work needed for Ron to do. If your wondering why Draco wasn't helping with the unpacking well, He was a little guy in more ways then attire and a bored/grumpy Draco trying to be 'helpful' never ended well. He could of had one of the twins help him but with it being their first time watching Draco, he figured 2 on 1 gave them a fighting chance against his bratty baby boy.

"So..Cripes..you really wear nappies huh?" Fred asked,leaning down for a closer look at the bulky seat of Draco's overall's and nappies. Draco, who had been leaning forward to get some of the baby blocks they had for him to play with gave a annoyed look as this was the 5th time Fred had asked that. deciding that those who get that close to his butt with no care about their own safety deserved what they got and scrunched up his face. George realized what was happening and started to cry out a warning. "Fred wait get back from hi-" but at last the cry came too late and indeed only made things worse. Fred's poor mouth had opened, and with the distraction from George, Draco moved his diapered rear backwards, almost in slow motion and finished his long sputtering but muffed fart on his unca's face. With the deed done and Fred on his back and gagging, George glared at Draco. "what cha do that for?" he demanded, folding his arms. "But unca George, I'm just a widdle boy and NEED my diapies, Unca Fred should of realized he was playing with fire.. or gas." Draco said, doing his best 'i'm so cute you can't stay mad at me' faces and voices. and unlike Ron who had seen them all and could resit, This was Georges first and he instantly melted. "well,m just don't let it happen again. Do you want some ice cream?" George asked Draco of course knew he wasn't suppose to have any, ice cream made him a super duper pooper..Butttt He was just a little boy and lessons had to be learned all around. Fred finally got up and like wise was about to throttle Draco but the power of the puppy look and he was de fanged as well and went to go and smash up some cookies to crumble over Draco's ice cream. '..heh..yeah. I could get used to this~' he thought.

Ron had been hard at work for a hour and came out to get a glass of juice from the fridge. he noticed Draco was nuzzled on the crotch with his brother and smiled, he was glad they were getting along and didn't wanna say anything to spoil their fun. chugging his juice down and getting a refill, Ron just happened to look in the sink and froze, seeing three dirty bowls that had clearly had ice cream in them. "Ohhhh No. No no no.." Ron said, a knot forming in his tummy. coming out of the kitchen and hurrying to look out into the living room he heard the first poot and toyed with just running before the smell reached him. cries of disgust and whimpers of pain were heard and it delayed Ron enough that he didn't escape the stink field in time and was welcomed to the truly rotten smell of a lactose intolerant like Malfoy having dairy. Nose hairs burning and eyes watering Ron sighed and headed for ground zero. Fred and George were each half out a window, Fred on the left and George on the right. Draco not surprisingly was squatting down and hunching, fists closeted and gritting his teeth. from the look of focus on his face and the sweat you'd almost swear he was doing a power up from a anime. at least till you noted the massive diaper that had forced the crotch snaps open (and Ron looked and noticed some of the buttons on the floor) Spotting Ron in the door way Draco started to cry out daddy, but it was over taken with a guttural groan as a cramp hit him. the diaper, which was already racing for his knee caps jumped in size and Ron found himself glad he hadn't taken Harry's advice and gone with muggle diapers, they'd of had a blow out by now! "D-Daddy tummy hurt!" Draco whined and whimpered, tears going down his cheeks and holding out his hands as his knees wobbled. technically Ron should of let Draco suffer, to enjoy the spoils of his win at getting ice cream and suffer butttt...that just wasn't the kinda daddy Ron was. conjuring up a clothes pin for his own nose, and a dummy with a large rubber teat that found it's way into Draco's mouth, Ron came over and hugged the stinky boy. He also once he noticed the twins were trying to escape out the windows, shut them on the twins trapping them but not hurting them. well, not hurting them till anther spell had the back of their knickers get yanked up for twin wedgies. "OWWW! Stoppp Ron knock it off!" "we'll get you back for this!" "mmmmhmmm. I'll be back to free you after I change Draco..or I can let you two go now and you can change him." Ron said, smirking. "...You know, after the first 10 seconds this feels kinda nice." Fred said. "Could do this all day." added George. "For the record you two will be changing him at some point." Ron laughed. "Now hold on.." George started. "You never warned us about him being like..THAT every time that he goes!" Fred protested. "Hmm? oh he's not. but you dipsticks let him have dairy when he's lactose intolerant. reap what you sew." "..If he knew he couldn't handle it then why did he have three bowls of it!?!" "because he's a baby duh. he just likes yummy things and doesn't think about later." A whine from behind and Ron smiled at the huffing Draco who with one last watery fart seemed to be done..and oh my. the diaper had gotten SO shit swelled that it looked like something out of a cartoon show, Draco had basically made a bean bag chair of sorts! in fact if he hadn't of just stopped pooping he might of been picked off the ground! "Jesus sweetie, you have any bones left in you?" Ron asked fascinated and semi worried at the same time. (and maybe a little pride, that was his boy who had just made a super big present.)

The only way to move him at this point was a levitation spell and Draco hated it. the damn things always made him queasy to his belly even though he'd been used to moving much faster during a quditch game. Still there was no way to change him in the house without getting the mess everywhere and his new uncles seemed to have a high enough stone way around the back of their large yard. "oh look, they have a garden back here..you can provide all the fertilizer from now on!" Daddy teased and Draco tried to glare but the cheating bastard tickled the big babies tum tum making him giggle around the paci. Sat down slowly with a loud squish and a horrible smell being released, Draco whined and held his own nose and waved a hand. "heh, yeah buddy, Stinky.":Ron chuckled then opened his diaper. stinky as it was, Draco couldn't help but giggle even in the outdoor setting as Ron turned green in the face. charming a gas mask onto his face daddy was apparently ok and Draco huffed and crossed his arms. "No fair! cheating!" was what he wanted to say, but just gibberish came out instead because he also refused to let the dummy out of his mouth.

45 minutes later (give or take a century from Ron's POV) and the little guy was all cleaned up and his 'treasure' so to speak disposed of. The twins had manage to get free by seeing what Ron had been dealing with they decided to hold back on their revenge so they wouldn't have to change Draco today. Or at least that was the plan but after carrying Draco in just his diapers (him sitting on Ron's lap, snuggling into him and looking more like a little toddler then the high school graduate he was) when Ron came out of their room, Draco was hiding behind him and still had the dummy in his mouth.  just he was sucking on it BIG time and almost giving the twins ideas. then Ron stepped out of the way and the twin's jaws dropped. If his first outfit had been shocking, and his just diapered look adorable, this look was kinda sexy and having the twins who had considered themself hetero till just seconds again were desperately trying to justify thoughts of what they wanted to do with Draco. "Boys..let me introduce the other side of your new nephew..his niece side." Ron chuckled.

Draco's cheeks were bright red, daddy had promised no sissy stuff around his brothers but said this was his punishment for being a little piggy! So now his short blond hair had a light pink bow in it, he was wearing a very short little girl party dress, complete with a bow on the back that daddy had to tie and of course was a mixture of different shades of pink. whine knee high socks were on him and a pair of black Mary janes on his feet. 'At least daddy didn't put make up on me this time." Draco sulked around his paci, waddling forward with the same bulky cloth and rubber pants he'd had before. His his Mary-janes making a clip clack sound on the floor Draco got in front of his unca's and griping the hem of his dress, curtsy and bowed his head. "so..you two think you can try this again and NOT fuck it up?" Ron asked. "I uh..I.." Fred stammered, apparently locked up in resisting the urge to fawn over the little cutie. "You know Fred, i think we could do a smash up job this time. even handle any diaper changes!" George said. "Glad to hear. no take backies." Ron said and turned to go back into Draco and his room to finish working. as he turned a low rumbling sound was heard that turned into a series of wet farts. "Uhhh Ron?" Fred squeaked out as the back of Draco's diaper ballooned out from under the dress. "No take backsies. " was all Ron said then shut the door. "...Still think letting them move in was a good idea?" "Oh shut up!"

the end

[selfmadesuperhero]

i’m very much not okay 

and i’ll probably take very long for me to explain why

i don’t know how to write this. i don’t know where to even start. i’m here because i just don’t have anywhere else to go. i can’t afford therapy. i no longer have any close friends other than Mabu (gf).

it’s getting pretty bad inside my head

i know most people’s lives are hell this year and i’m not special. i know that. to me, this year is feeling like the last nail in my coffin because 2019 had already chewed me up and spit me out. 

i kept my last job for eight years. after my first year there, another developer came in, and we became friends. we worked side by side less than 4 feet apart for six years. our hours were flexible but we always agreed upon our schedule just so work would be more bearable, because we both hated it and often had to team up against our boss’ downright abuse. it was a very small company (at its biggest we were only 7 employees). we were also going to graduate at the same time from the same school (different majors), so we had a bit of a pact to leave our shitty boss once we’d graduated and start developing our own, way less shitty games.

at the start of 2019, he got an excellent job offer. i was thrilled for him and told him to of course get out of that hellhole we hated so much, we were only there because the pay was decent and the hours were flexible so we could get our degree, you know? it stung, but i was happy for him. on the last day i gave him a ride home (which is also something i did almost daily), he surprised me by hugging me and telling me i was like a brother to him and our plans weren’t going to change. 

i believed him, and went back to work. he was soon replaced, obviously, by a junior developer because that’s how capitalism works. but suddenly, i no longer had someone to take a stand with me against my boss - there was no one left that i knew, everyone had resigned or been fired and i was the oldest employee. you’d think that’d earn me something, after eight years being dedicated to the same company, right? 

(shortly after, my grandma passed, after years and years of agonizing in a wheelchair. we lived together)

fuck that

the first months were fine. i was being the senior developer and teaching the junior constantly, so my boss stayed out of my way. but see, this is where he started to get ansty. the more the junior stopped being a junior and was actually useful for something, the more that piece of gigantic ass just started thinking only about our salaries. i started in that company in 2012 making little more than 3 bucks/hour (remember i live in a third world country, but it was still specialized work), but by 2019, my salary was pretty much double of what the junior was making, and every penny extra i got during those years was a CONQUEST. i also worked six hours while he worked eight, so.

my boss basically started treating me even more like shit. he wasn’t nice to be around before, but he was bearable in small amounts. suddenly it was obvious to everyone that he was really fixating on me and my performance, and to me it was obvious he just wanted me to walk away too so he could replace me with TWO junior developers instead of just one measly charlie. 

then, the nationals elections began. oh boy.

this probably wouldn’t read as news to anyone, but i’m a huge leftie, obviously. if you’re at all interested in politics, read about what socialist policies have done for uruguay during the past 15 years and how they turned us into AT LEAST a developing country, but i digress. 

the people that sat in my office even shared my political views or whatever, but my boss is actually part of the conservative party and started actively campaigning. every time something involving politics happened, he made a point to come barging in the office and telling me and specifically me about it like i was personally running against his party. i actually recorded him once to have proof of him at least screaming at me, so i could check if i was crazy for thinking he had something against me. he frequently called me communist and just mocked my views. if you’re wondering, yes, this is illegal, but nothing happened. 

then, two big things happened at once: we lost the election, and my recently adopted puppy was diagnosed with distemper. yes, it happened on the same that and it’s a day i’ll never forget. 

my girlfriend and i had talked about getting a puppy once we moved in together. we’d named him like two years before it actually happened. we moved in together on may 2019 and on september i found the most precious boy for adoption on facebook and i was innocently all like “oh i’ve had to put rescue dogs for adoption before, let’s give back!”. 

on october 27th, he had a seizure and the vet told us it was likely we’d have to put him down because only 20% of dogs survived, and it was even less for puppies. 

when i went to work, i had to put up with my boss laughing and mocking me for winning the election “against me”. i guess i missed my running for anything?

this post is already too long for me to get into details about my dog’s disease. for months, every day we looked after him constantly. i read everything there was to BE READ about distemper online, spent thousands of pesos on medicine and treatments just in case he had a chance. good news is he did! this is the only positive note in this post. 

it still wasn’t easy. he made us cry at least three times a day. we really thought he was dying, and we’d made the mistake of naming him 2 years before he was even born. we’d taken PERFECT care of him while he was unvaccinated, but the vet told us it was most likely he was already infected before he came home to us. i’d never seen such a small puppy so sick. he hallucinated constantly. if you don’t know, distemper is a neuro/digestive/skin/bone/HELL disease that’s really nasty. he’d have seizures almost daily and poop and pee himself. he stopped being able to control his body other than his two front legs, which he didn’t even have full control of. when he stopped being able to walk, he started crying constantly, it really tore the heart out of my chest

we called another vet, a dog physical therapist, so she’d tell us how we could help him. she told us to make him stand as long as possible, so every time he had a meal, i’d bend down with him and hold his hips - so he’d be able to stand, and slowly gain back some muscle mobility. every day we massaged his legs and flexed his joints, even his tiny toes, so he’d avoid atrophy. and we did it!! as i’m writing this, he’s one year old now, he’s no longer sick even if he’ll carry with him plenty of lifelong sequels, and he walks and runs and barks like the best of them ♥ i wasn’t going to plug anything but if you wanna see his progress, it’s on instagram @hamiltonthefighter

okay, i guess i ended up talking at length about his disease in the end, sorry. his walking again had a price to pay for me: my own back. for two or three months i was bent over this dog, you know? i still can’t get out of bed without help sometimes lol around december it got really bad but i just kept popping pills because joy oh joy, i was doing my thesis and i didn’t really have time or money for anything else. my job was basically paying for our rent, my university classes including the thesis course which was ridiculously expensive, and our dog had given me credit card debt out of desperation (we even had to buy those rubber things used for yoga to place on our floors so he’d have something to use his nails against instead of constantly slipping on the floor, we tried every medication that might help, we gave him CBD oils, all kinds of vitamins, constant vet visits where during the first two weeks he got like three different shots every day, etc)

i’m rambling, and i’m sorry, but i don’t really think anyone will read this. i started this post crying my eyes out and writing about my dog at least has been calming, because even if he’s a drooling mess now, he’s still the same he ever was and i love him very much and he’s sleeping soundly next to me and he’s finally close to fine. 

remember the friend i talked about like half an hour ago? the one that worked with me for six years? nothing changed between us during the first months. for my thesis, i was going to develop a videogame with Mabu, but we were allowed to have external coding help because it was about GameDev, not the actual coding. i knew how to code, obviously, but Nico (the friend, guess we’ll give him a name) was also part of our project so he was gonna help us code so i had more time to focus on art and 3D modelling. the idea was kill two birds with one stone, make something we all liked, mabu and I were going to graduate with it and then we’d keep working on it during 2020 as we’d always always talked about.

by december, even if nico and i still talked regularly, i could tell he had just moved on with his life. he’d said he’d help us, but he was doing his own thesis, so i told him not to worry at that time, our final due date was in february. he asked us to forgive him during december and promised us he’d come back in january to DEVOTE himself to the project. i started coding the project besides working on the art and i was thankfully able to meet all the deadlines, so it was really fine, of course i understood where he was coming from. 

then, on january 7th, Mabu’s grandma passed away. she was scheduled for a heart surgery that supposedly only had 1% risk, and she passed on the table because of a doctor’s mistake. the surgery was here in the capital, but Mabu’s family lives five hours away. she comes from a very big, very loving family, and her grandma (being the mother of five children) was very much the center of it. i also loved her. she’d replaced my grandma the second she passed and every time i saw her she hugged me like i was a lost grandson. 

when my girlfriend called me during her surgery, i immediately left work because i just knew she would be crying if things were okay. this was a nightmare come alive for a family of 20+ people, and most of them were 5 hours away from their own house. my mother in law was (and still is) devastated by the lost of her mother because she was the one to encourage the surgery and she still thinks she killed her. i drove my her, my girlfriend, her sister and her sister’s boyfriend on my mother’s in law van for five hours while they all cried or slept and i had to really, really pinch myself because i was EXHAUSTED but what else could i do? 

logically i missed work the next day. LOGICALLY. i had the service to attend and i was 5 hours away from the office and i didn’t even have my own car with me. i told my boss to discount the day, since i wasn’t entitled to the mourning day by law because it wasn’t my grandma. he didn’t even reply - he almost never talked to me by this point unless it was to berate me for something. i went back to work the day after the service.

now, remember we were doing our thesis and it was due in february? it really wasn’t great timing for anyone to die, but i was trusting Nico’s promise that he’d have more free time and he’d make up for not helping us code sooner. i told him the news about Mabu’s grandma, and then basically had to tell him to say something to her for her loss because he was supposed to be her friend, what the fuck, why aren’t you at least sending her a text.

let’s just say, january wasn’t a great month for Mabu and myself. two weeks after the passing, we still hadn’t had news from Nico. Mabu didn’t even have time to properly mourn because we had to turn our thesis in like, little over a month. i wrote to nico just downright ASKING if he was gonna be able to help us or WHAT, to which he said to me...

he’d never promised anything because he was really busy with his own stuff and he didn’t want to bring it up sooner because he knew Mabu was mourning and things were hard for us at the moment? 

like that’s great pal, thanks for telling me at the last POSSIBLE second you were just dropping out altogether, what the actual fuck? it still baffles me that someone can be so thick headed, but he kept saying he had made no promises and both Mabu and I knew that was a lie and i honestly just couldn’t deal with someone so selfish he couldn’t at least give a heads up sooner

the icing on the cake during the beginning of this year is someone i haven’t even mentined: MY PIECE OF SHIT BROTHER. talking about him may deserve another post, because this is already so long and convoluted and i haven’t even talked about his involvement in my misery during 2019-2020. i’ll try to make the story short if anyone’s still reading this far: 

a lot of years ago, our maternal grandmother moved to uruguay from russia and bought a tiny shitty house here next to my mother’s. my mother still hasn’t talked to me since 2013 because i’m trans, but that’s neither here nor there. i tried to keep in touch with my brother (we don’t share dads so he was no relation with my side of the family), and around 2017 i finally succeeded in making friends with him. or so i thought, clearly. 

that grandmother passed... sometime. i don’t really know because they cut me off. she didn’t speak to me either, she was literally a crazy old nasty woman and i didn’t even care when i heard she’d died, to be honest. she was such a nasty woman, she’d put her tiny shitty house to my and my brother’s name just to keep her own daughter out of the inheritance when she bought it. 

that also meant i was inheriting something for the first time ever, even if it was shitty. BUT my brother had his own fake grandma (the woman who looked after him his whole life instead of our mother) who was very old and frail and asked me if he could house her there. i said yes because again, i didn’t give a shit about the inheritance or the house or anything regarding my mother’s side of the family (other than him obviously), so for years this woman occupied the house. my brother basically took all existing furniture and appliances because he was moving in with a girlfriend and i even loaded up my shitty car with his stuff. all i wanted to inherit was the couch set, which had come all the way from russia and everyone had promised me since i was a wee lad, but he started whining about his fake-grandma not having a living room set and nowhere to sit and i didn’t even live by myself yet so i let them have the fucking couches, too. 

oh boy this is already too long but now i’m too lazy to make a separate post

anyway, sometime during 2019, the woman moved out to an old folks home because she could no longer take care of herself. i immediately asked about the couch set with hope in my heart that it could finally be mine, but my brother told me our mother didn’t want me to have it. 

he wanted to rent the house to make a profit, which sounded good to me because of that dog related credit card debt i talked about. and here’s where you might think i’m not that there in the head, but all my life i didn’t want anything to do with that house until my mother was in the ground - not out of hate but because i thought it was a shitty thing her own mother had done to her, and the inheritance should have been hers. she doesn’t have a degree or a stable job because she’s a russian translator so hey, whatever, they needed it more than i did. but then my brother starting getting ideas about improving the house so we’d make more money, and how we should do it together, and... i think i might have mentioned already why i didn’t exactly have time to redo a house? i was doing my thesis? about to graduate? my boss was constantly on my case? my dog was about to die? 

i helped as much as i could at first, but then december came, and then january, and my brother just kept nagging me about the house like i was purposefuly sitting on my ass doing nothing, because oh every day it’s not rented it’s money lost. no amount of explaining how stretched thin i was seemed to suffice, not even when mabu’s grandma died and nico left us hanging with the thesis and i had less than a month left to code the whole project by myself while ALSO taking care of the art. 

by the end of january, i was so stressed, i called a doctor after a panic attack. he gave me a weeks rest because of my back, because i wasn’t even able to get up without help at that time. it wasn’t much of a rest because i still used that time to sit at the computer and code 15 hours a day at LEAST, but hey. 

it was the first time in 8 years i’d taken medical leave of ANY kind. i didn’t even get medical leave when i got my chest surgery. it happened on a friday and i was back to work the next monday. i’d never skipped more than 2 days of work at best when i had a bad case of the flu or something, but that was it. 

when i went back to work, my boss immediatelly called me to his office. he started berating me about my performance again, bringing graphs comparing the amount of lines of code i’d written next to my coworkers. i didn’t mention this, but the graphic designer had also quit during 2019, so i was also covering that workload and no, that didn’t exactly translate to lines of code. i also had to spend HOURS every day tutoring the junior because he was too much of a cheap shit (didn’t use those words) to hire an experienced developer. i’d even WORKED AS A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR MEDIA CONTENT FOR HIS POLITICAL CAREER, EVEN IF IT WAS AGAINST MY BELIEFS AND NOT AT ALL RELATED TO MY JOB. he denied everything. EVERYTHING. he stuck to the narrative that i was just lazy and the proof was i’d just taken AN ENTIRE WEEK because “my back just hurt a little” and i had the audacity to skip work for someone else’s grandmother dying

i’m not exaggerating, i swear to anyone who might be reading this. that day was brutal and i’m still not over it half a year later, i don’t care if that makes me sound like a wuss. i worked eight years of my life in this fucking place. 

this argument lasted for hours, but i kept my head down because i couldn’t afford to lose the job, specially not then. i even apologized for any loss in performance and tried to explain my point of view and what i was going through (which i’d already done to another superior weeks ago anyway). but just when i thought i’d MAYBE be able to keep my head above water, he told me he was denying my the request i’d made to take two weeks of holiday days before the thesis final due date. 

i had already explained everything to him. everything, even nico dropping the team and my having to do everything by myself. i broke down and i told him he was forcing me to leave my job, i’d just have been certified by a doctor and i was asking for leave for SCHOOL (all things that are protected by law here), but he just kept repeating i could either walk away from my job or show up during those two weeks. he just wanted me gone, but he couldn’t fire me right away without having to pay me THOUSANDS because of my seniority (by law). he knew what he was doing to me and he didn’t care about it. he didn’t even let me TOUCH MY COMPUTER, he told me he wasn’t the one pushing me away, that i was doing this to myself, and he’d ask for a lawyer to check my computer for any “inconsistencies in my activity”, even. i really have a hard time just thinking about that day and how utterly humilliating it was. i lost a lot of personal files, because i sat at that desk for eight years and of course i had personal files because sometimes i stayed after hours before going to class. 

imagine for a second a sixty year old man, rich as shit, political candidate, standing in front of a computer, disconnecting the mouse and keyboard so i couldn’t touch it, yelling at me i was doing this to myself and i was losing my job because i had the audacity to ask for two weeks leave to finish my fucking school thesis. 

and yeah, i lawyered up. i didn’t have actual money to AFFORD a lawyer, but mabu’s cousin’s girlfriend was a lawyer and lived one block away and i immediatelly told her everything there was to tell. she brought me to the firm she worked in and they guaranteed me i had a pretty strong case and i was at least gonna be able to walk away with something.

that put things in hold for a while because the “trial” or whatever wasn’t gonna be held until after the thesis, so i tried to forget about it. my boss even owed me my untaken paid vacation days, which i told the lawyers because i was pretty sure he’d just forgot, but i wanted to know if it made a better case against him. they agreed, and i left it at that. 

but you know who was still making my life miserable even when february began and i had less than three weeks to finish our project right? MY SWEET BABY BRO. he was constantly nagging me about having to do all the work himself, like I’D ASKED ANYTHING FROM THAT HOUSE TO BEGIN WITH. but see, the nastier he started getting, the more apparent his lies began to appear. he got nasty to the level where ON THE DAY I WAS TURNING THE PROJECT IN he kept calling me demanding MONEY for stuff he’d paid for the house without checking in with me. i was honestly baffled by his level of selfishness, i was already sleeping three hours a day tops and he expected me to what, paint walls? he was FIERCELY against having to wait for my project to be done even if it was two weeks away and he was asking and asking for money when i’d just told him i’d lost my job without a penny to show for it. nice guy, really. 

suddenly, the following lies became clear: 

 my mother didn’t care if i took the couch set, he told me that because he was moving again and he was planning on taking the couches himself. (he ended up doing just so, too). he lied to me with the thing that hurts me most in the world: my mother hating me. he had even made a joke about it, because my mother had bought a new couch not long ago, and he didn’t “get” why she “didn’t want me to have anything”

 years ago he’d told me he had refinanced a tax debt the house had, and i gave him money for it. now that the house was about to be put up for rent, he pretended that had never happened and suddenly started talking about how we needed to take care of that

 he wasn’t planning on splitting the rent three ways between him, our mother and i. he was gonna keep two thirds, and i later even found out my own mother had given him the idea. 

 then poor mabu confessed to me once, two years ago, she’d wore a skirt one time visiting my brother and his then girlfriend, and he had told her nasty stuff to her year upon saying goodbye and she had never said anything because didn’t want to hurt our sibling relationship 

talk about final nail huh? 

i confronted him and he denied everything, obviously, he instantly played the victim card, how dare i think that way about him, how dare i break his dreams of reuniting the family again. he said things to me i’ll also never forget like, apparently, it shows that i’m a shit person because i have no friends and no one wants me around, unlike him that has so many. he told me i thought the world owed me when i was shit and i believed anything anyone told me before believing him. no one told me any of his lies, i caught them all by myself, but whatever. he cursed me and told me he never wanted anything to do with me because i was rotten and i only cared about money and i was so so selfish. this must have been around march and i still don’t know anything from him, or care.

what do i have to do for that side of the family to leave me alone, i wonder? all i ever wanted to do was be his friend

the “trial” against my boss came and suddenly every lawyer that worked at that firm was taking a fucking holiday except for the one that was supposedly leading my case - except suddenly, i didn’t have much of a case at all. i walked away with less than 2 thousand dollars and that was WITH the vacation days i hadn’t taken. the agreement was the lawyers were gonna keep 25% of however much i made but THAT vacation money wasn’t supposed to count because it didn’t come out of the “trial” thing, you know? 

well, it did. the lawyer screwed me over too. but hey, at least he’d gotten me unemployment for a couple of months (you only apply for unemployment if you’re fired, not if you walk away from a job, and my having been fired or not was what was being contested), i still tried to be optimistic, i had a few months to figure things out while i looked for another job, and at least i was able to finish paying for school with that money.

yeah, this was late february, beginning of march. joke’s on me for being optimistic at all

my own brother plotting with my own mother against me has done a number for my mental health. i already had baggage aplenty, like every trans dude or girl whose parents would rather see them dead than be a dyke/fag (my mother’s own words, ladies and gents)

my boss of eight years kicking me to the curve at the worst moment in my life in the most humilliating of ways while blaming me for it has left me feeling so worthless to people in general. i’m getting better with time, i think, but i’m still all not there. i have a really hard time thinking my work is worth anything at all.

i keep thinking my brother was right, and i’m a shitty friend, and i don’t deserve anyone around. my only real friend at the moment is my girlfriend, which makes it really hard to have any arguments because i start feeling like my life is ending because she’s pretty much all i have left and she’s the most important thing in the world to me because i wouldn’t have survived all this shit i’m writing without her by my side. i would walk to hell and back for her. but nico also left me behind without a second thought, after telling me i was like a brother to him, no matter how many times i invited him to hang out or anything to keep in touch. i’ve been a shitty friend to a lot of people, but not him, and he still didn’t care about me at all, so i just stopped trying. 

but now social distancing has got me all fucked up. i can’t trust people. i can’t go outside. everything is scary to me, i have at least two or three panic attacks per WEEK and they get nastier and longer every time. i know i need help, but i can’t even afford rent, let alone therapy. Uruguay has the worst unemployment rates since 2006 now thanks to our baby-Trump right now. i look for jobs daily even if the notion of having a job even SIMILAR to the one i had before gives me the shakes. programming isn’t as hard as some people may think, but the workplaces are usually VERY toxic because you’re valued by the amount of lines of code you write, and i’m so so tired. i’m still looking because I NEED. TO. PAY. RENT. but not because it’s something i want in life, at all. i’d much rather be poor and just do freelance work instead, but i’m failing.

i thank the people that have helped me or commissioned me these past few months from the bottom of my heart. i’m sorry i’m not more active, i’m sorry i’m still rusty and can’t draw faster, i’m sorry i sometimes spend half a day crying my eyes out because i just don’t know how to move forward. i have a week left, i still haven’t made enough for rent, let alone the bills or food. mabu used to get plenty of art commissions on etsy, but she hasn’t sold anything since march either and she’s younger than me so our financial struggles have an even deeper impact on her

i’m just so, so tired. i’m lucky to have mabu, and that is about it. i honestly don’t think i could have survived this year without her. for months the future has looked like a black screen to me. i can’t even trust the vegetable market in front of my fucking house because some piece of shit spread the rumor that i’m trans and now i can’t even open the door to my front house without getting stares sometimes, it’s ridiculous. i wish i could trust more than one person in the world so that everything wasn’t on her shoulders.

i’m not okay. we’re not okay.

that’s about it. i’m sorry i can’t end this on a more positive note. at least we graduated with an excellent score. not that we had a graduation, obviously. thanks corona.

thank you for reading if you read this far ♥

[langdvnshepherd]

Dad Jim having his twins puke on him, one after the other, while he was carrying them. Dad Michael getting peed on all over his face and hair by his baby boy while changing him. Dad Duncan getting dog food thrown at his face. His boy was running with the dog, a chihuaha of all things his boy had fallen in love with him.

This reminds me of the time when I was like 6 or 7 and my brother was an infant and I leaned down to kiss him and he spit up formula into my mouth LMAO

     With twins, shit like this is bound to happen. You can barely control one newborn, let alone two. It’s 2x the crying, 2x the attention, and 2x the pee, poop, and puke. Jim probably thought he was on a roll that morning. He’d gotten them up, fed, changed, and into their day clothes without so much as a struggle. It was tummy time, and just as he sat one baby down on the blanket, the other spit up on the sweater he was wearing. No biggie, he thought to himself. If that was the worst thing that had happened to him this entire morning, he’d be just fine. When the bubs were on their blanket, their little heads bobbing up and down trying to keep their balance, Jim thought they were just too cute and he laid down with them. Just as he went to kiss the other twin on the nose, they threw up directly into his mouth. Let’s just say he may or may not have been legitimately angry at a 4-month-old for a solid 20 minutes.

     Everyone knows babies are squirmers, and as they get older it just gets worse. So when Michael is changing his baby and they just won’t sit still, he’s already frustrated. But it gets even worse when they decide they have to pee again before Michael and get the diaper fastened onto their tiny lil butt. It was like a fire hydrant, spraying everywhere. The walls, the changing mat, Michael’s hair, some even got on his chin. Michael was able to cover them with their half-fastened diaper before things got too crazy, but the damage had already been done. His precious offspring that he once thought could do no wrong in his eyes, had just pissed in his fucking hair. You definitely walked in on Michael giving his 8-month-old a serious, stern scolding about keeping your bodily fluids inside of the diaper, as if they had any fucking clue what Michael was saying anyway.

     When Duncan has kids, it’s impossible for him to say no to them. He absolutely hated animals, despised them even. They were smelly and all they did was eat and shit in his yard. But when his bub had fallen in love with a puppy for adoption at a local festival they went to in the park, he couldn’t deny them of something that made them so happy. Of course, he made them promise that the dog was their responsibility and that they had to feed him and walk him, but he was still perturbed that a critter would be sharing the same living space as him. It was early one morning, way too early to be running around the house and screaming like a madman, but Duncan’s child could not be contained. They were chasing the dog around the living room and kitchen, squealing in delight every time they got close to catching them. When the pup took a wide turn around the kitchen island and accidentally stumbled over their food bowl, the kibble went flying. Duncan didn’t even know how it was possible, but the food bits went so high up and that one pellet magically plopped right into his steaming, once-comforting cup of coffee. Duncan momentarily contemplated posting on social media to see if anyone was looking to adopt a hyperactive, little shit of a puppy. 

[robotslenderman]

Mum told Adele, the vet who fostered JJ, about JJ’s death last night. From the message Adele sent back, it sounded like it really affected her too -- she and her husband looked after JJ for six months trying to find her a permanent home, and every couple of years my mother has sent her a photo and a status update.

This was the update we didn’t want to ever give her.

A couple of hours after sending a message with her own reaction, Adele sent a second message. Paraphrased: “Look, I know it’s really, really soon, so I completely understand if you’re not in the headspace to even consider it. But if you’re at all willing to think about it, there’s a bluey up the central coast who needs a home by Monday. What do you think?"

I have a confession to make:

I am one of those people who needs a new dog as soon as possible. A couple of days for the death to sink in and to deal with the initial pain, yes, but after that? I need a fucking dog NOW.

I have always had a dog. Always. The first time I ever didn’t have a dog was when I was nineteen years old and Lucy had just passed away three weeks before my birthday, and the hole in my life just fucking wrecked me as much as her actual death did.

It’s coming home and not seeing a head looking down at you from the top of the stairs. It’s coming into the lounge room and moving to the window to pat a dog that’s not there. It’s waking up early and hearing my mother feed the ferrets, but not hearing the tinkle of her dog tag on the empty bowl. It’s a new box of poop bags I didn’t even get to open, it’s a shelf of leads and harnesses that have nobody to wear them, it’s dog hair everywhere that will never get replaced as we clean them up.

It’s just a huge fucking hole and I hate not having a dog. 90% of my homesickness when I’m away from home is no dog. I’m used to hearing the clicks of nails on floorboards and having two puppy eyes staring at me when I eat.

Not this huge fucking silence that’s descended.

So when Mum went around taking a vote as to whether or not we should take this dog in, mine was “hell yes.”

I feel guilty because I love JJ to pieces and I feel like letting myself get distracted from mourning her is doing a disservice to her, somehow. But the pain from Lucy’s death was insurmountable until we got JJ. The pain was still there afterwards, but it wasn’t overwhelming, and I could start thinking of happier memories instead of the painful one of her death.

(I will never, ever forget the vet telling me, “She’s gone” and me just fucking collapsing onto her body and crying my eyes out for a solid five minutes, and my dad crying on my shoulder afterwards. I’ll never forget JJ on a ventilator on that table, either, unconscious and unable to hear us tell her how much we loved her.)

(Fuck, I’m crying again.)

I’m handling JJ’s death better than I did Lucy’s, even though I’m closer to JJ than I was to Lucy. I’ve dealt with death a lot since losing Lucy -- she was my first “real” death, and ferrets live such short lives. But that gaping fucking hole is still there.

JJ never replaced Lucy, but she didn’t have to. Lucy couldn’t replace her, either.

Tomorrow Mum and Dad are going up to the Central Coast to meet Sky, a four year old bluey who was surrendered by her owner’s daughter after her owner had to go into a nursing home. She’s very shy, from the sounds of it, but we don’t know much else about her -- not even what she actually looks like. Mum is still tentative about whether or not we’ll take her, but “I know myself, she’ll be coming home with us.”

She’s at a vet hospital, and the vet that’s been looking after her is going to stay the night in the clinic so that she has company. Mum and Dad will meet them there at nine thirty.

I wanted to come, but my brother is furious that he was the only person voting against getting Sky, so my parents want me to keep an eye on him because of his unstable mental health.

Anyway. That’s what’s happening tomorrow.

Here, have dog tax:

[razberryyum]

Gintama manga chap 701

~

Dear Gintama gods and Sorachi-sama,

Thank you thank you and thank you again! I really cannot thank you enough! There not enough words in the dictionary to even express how thankful and grateful I am to you. Sorachi-sama, you are too, too generous and considerate! It would have been enough for me if you tried to continue Gintama in the next set of Jump Giga, but the fact that you are taking it one step further and essentially self-publishing in the free Gintama app so that you can continue our beloved series for as long as you deem proper is truly a magnanimous gesture of epic proportions. I hope this means that you can now take your time with the story and set your own deadlines so that you won’t have to work under any kind of pressure or experience that much stress. And naturally, in addition to being creatively rewarding, I hope your decision will also prove to be financially rewarding as well since I would hate to think you’d have to suffer any kind of monetary loss in order to be a responsible author who actually has your readers’ interests at heart.

If I’m to be honest, ever since the announcement that Gintama would be ending, it feels like I’ve been holding my breath in dread. Every time a new chapter would be released, even as I enjoyed it and fawned over it, I would also clench my teeth a little since it also meant that we were moving that much closer to the end. When it seemed like the end was finally coming in just three mere chapters within Jump Giga, the dread I felt was almost overwhelming. For at least the first two volumes of Jump Giga that Gintama was featured in, I wanted to cry every time we neared the release date of the new chapter since I would worry immensely about how much closer the content will bring us to the end. But then, by the second chapter (chapter 700), the heavy weight upon my heart eased a bit because it was then that I realized there was probably no logical way you could end Gintama in just one more chapter after that. In fact, as I listed out all the things you would have to cover in just 50 or so pages of this chapter, I started realizing further how near impossible a feat it would be for you to end Gintama in a satisfactory way. And I don’t mean satisfaction felt just for us as fans, but even for you as a creator I simply couldn’t imagine how you could be happy with rushing to the end in that manner. I should have known you wouldn’t be and hence that was probably never your intention anyway. Looking back at the last two chapters now and the almost leisurely progression of events, it feels rather obvious that you were indeed taking your time because you probably knew you had more time. The fact that we didn’t even get a Yorozuya reunion until this chapter should have been a big tell that you had alternative plans. Truly, thank the gods for that because I feel like I can finally relax a little...at least for the time being. I know the life of Gintama in the app might still be finite, but hopefully in such a venue, where the environment is less rigid, you can take your sweet time wrapping things up...even if that time lasts years.

I know, by now you’re probably screaming at me for being so damn greedy: as if it’s not already enough that Gintama isn’t ending with this chapter, how dare I even ask for many more years from you. Apologies for always being so hungry. I hope you understand my greediness will always be from a place of love even though if it feels like utter selfishness.

But speaking of love: our dear puppy is back and our Yorozuya have reunited and is whole again! I started crying at the words “He just wanted to come back to the Yorozuya”. To think, all this time, the key to Sadaharu’s revival was simply his family being back together again. I wish Kagura didn’t have to leave for two years just for that resolution, but I understand at the time, Sadaharu was probably still too weak to revive and then eventually he just didn’t want to revive until he was back in the warm embrace of his family. Well...at least figuratively speaking...while the hug between Kagura and Sadaharu was a heart-warming sight to behold, I did wish we could’ve still seen a good hearty embrace between our entire Yorozuya family as well. My eyes did get misty when Kagura and Shinpachi held Gin-chan's hand to help him get up, since that small gesture really symbolized their whole relationship with each other, but I was really looking forward to crying my eyes out at seeing them actually hugging, so I must admit I was just a tad bit disappointed that we weren't blessed with such a sight. I get it though: you’re probably holding off on that hug until later so that it’s ten thousand times more satisfying. I only hope that you won’t torture us for too much longer...I know I sound totally ungrateful for saying this, but honestly, I’m beginning to die a bit from deprivation. I really need to see a proper Yorozuya hug soon!

Although what I don’t really need to see ever again is Sadaharu crapping out more naked old men. When he pooped out Gintoki, I had feeling you were making yet another slight dig at yourself and your creation, but you don’t deserve that, Sorachi-sama. Gin-chan doesn’t deserve that, so please, don’t let us see him come out of anything’s orifice ever again—oral or anal—even if the orifice belonged to a creature as adorable as Sadaharu. With all due respect to Sadaharu, it was still very gross. 

But what wasn’t gross and was in fact thoroughly satisfying was watching Utsuro pop off the head of that Tendoshuu old fart like a kid would do to a Barbie doll. I actually guffawed at the sight. Serves him right! I wouldn’t feel bad at all if Utsuro just went around popping off the heads of any remaining Tendoshuu old farts and maybe some of the Naraku while he’s at it. I don’t even know if I want Hitsugi to be spared from that fate since, even though he seems to have had a change of heart, he was still the one who inflicted a lot of injuries on our Sadaharu so, really, off with his head too. 

The thing with Utsuro though...I wonder if your ultimate plan with him is to have him completely erased so that the being we are left with is purely Yoshida Shouyou only. I mean, it would be killing two birds with one stone: granting Utsuro’s wish to be obliterated from existence while also granting Takasugi’s wish to be reunited with his teacher once again. I think Shouyou really is the love of Takasugi’s life. I don’t even mean that in the romantic sense at all, but rather, just as children can be the love of their parents’ lives, parents can also occupy that special place in their childrens’ hearts as well. In thinking about the role and impact Shouyou has in Takasugi’s life, he more than deserves that important designation since the entirety of Takasugi’s existence has literally revolved around his sensei. If there was a way to just revive the Shouyou part of the Utsuro being and wipe away any remnants of the monstrous side of that creature, that really would be the perfect solution to this whole ordeal. Not to mention, I’m sure Takasugi would want nothing more than to retire with his teacher to some countryside and open a new version of Shouka Sonjuku where they could teach a new generation of children how to be honorable people. All this time I’ve been holding on to the idea that death and reuniting with Bansai in the afterlife would be the happy ending Takasugi would want, but I admit I was being rather tunnel-visioned. The truth is, for Takasugi, it probably will always start and end with Shouyou, therefore, his idea of a happy ending would most likely involve him and no one else.  As to how such a feat can be accomplished—keeping Shouyou while erasing Utsuro—of course I have no idea (Car crash? Time machine? Kintoki hypnosis?), but if that is the endgame you have intended for Takasugi and Utsuro/Shouyou, I'm sure you’ll come up with a brilliant plan as usual. Alternatively, I wouldn’t mind seeing Takasugi raise baby Utsu-Shou as a single dad. That would be almost as satisfying as seeing Gintoki raise the kid himself. Naturally I’d be concerned if Takasugi would be able to just nurture the Shouyou side of the kid instead of the Utsuro side as well, but in lieu of their world being destroyed immediately, I guess there’s not many options available.

I hope we will get plenty of notice before the next chapter comes out; that was one killer of a cliffhanger, I can’t wait to see what’s in store next. I will of course have to depend on the mercy of fellow Gintama fans who have access to the app since it doesn’t seem to be available globally yet. But even if I have to wait longer for the new chapter compared to Japanese fans, it’s definitely a small price to pay for new Gintama. Thank you again for continuing onward with Gintama, Sorachi-sama. Thank the Gintama gods for granting my fervent Gintama wishes and prayers. I feel truly, truly blessed as a Gintama devotee.

Yours truly, 

A silly fangirl with yaoi dreams

(^3^) 

[ghostofvixx]

Drabble Game #2

So you guys know the deal,,, @softyn are going to do a drabble game again SO leave your requests and I hope you enjoy!

     ºRules

I. Choose a genre not smut sorry peeps: angst, fluff, crack (can be angst to fluff or viceversa)

II. Choose a member from one of this groups: NCT, VIXX, BTS, Astro, Ateez, Seventeen, Twice, Ikon, x1

III. Choose up to three of these prompts

     ºPrompts:

Did you just slap my butt?

One of them is missing.

Are you still mad at me?

I’m your husband, it’s my job.

I want the divorce.

I am a human too.

What was that for?

You're a liar.

Can you shut the fuck up for 5 minutes?

What are you wearing?

Stop being so jealous.

You said you couldn’t live without me.

I should have known you better.

There will be no next time.

She is obviously hitting on you.

That’s what you call dancing?

What’s that sound...? Oh, it’s just you singing.

Do you think I poop money?

Fuck you.

I’m pregnant

I trusted you.

I hate you.

Are you drunk?

A-am I really going to meet your parents?

Stop crying.

What did I do to deserve you?

What did I do wrong?

Why have you done this to me?

Fuck, you are so beautiful.

I missed you so much.

I’ve always liked you.

Don’t tell me what to do.

I thought that you liked me.

A bet?

Who did this to you?

You are sleeping in the car today.

You are perfect just the way you are.

Don’t tease me like that!

Kiss me.

Are you cheating on me?

Can I touch you?

Are you flirting with me?

Kermit approves this.

Please, let’s go to bed.

Just pretend.

I’m sorry.

Just... look at you.

Let’s play truth or dare!

You are still a baby.

Did I woke you up?

Good morning love!

I don’t deserve you.

You are all sweaty!

Who was that guy?

It’s not funny, stop.

It’s been a while.

I love the way your eyes shine.

Did you ever love me?

I’m not your toy.

Why can’t you love me?

I’m not crying, my eyes are just sweating.

Can we have a puppy?

Love doesn’t exist.

You are wrong.

Prove it.

Since when have you been doing this?

Why didn’t you tell me?

I’m not angry.

I can’t lose you.

I know you are lying.

We have been dating for four years now, so please, don’t lie to me.

I know you better than the back of my hand.

I thought you were happy.

Since when have you been feeling like this?

Why did you choose me?

You can be with someone better than me.

Don’t you dare to say that again.

Did you get into a fight?

Who gave you that black eye?

I can’t sleep.

I’m not that drunk...

I love you.

You are so sweet.

I thought you trusted me.

There’s no point in arguing anymore...

I’m going to fight you.

Did you just fart?

Why are you like this?

Kiss me before they interrupt us again.

I regret everything I did.

I shouldn’t have said all those things.

Please, get in the car.

I felt out love with you.

Look at me.

It hurts.

You are my sun.

Don’t play dumb with me.

You could be wearing a trashbag and you would still be the prettiest girl I know.

What are you trying?

I have pepper spray in my bag and I'm not afraid to use it!

[softyn]

Drabble Game #2

↬ Hi guys! @ghostofvixx and I decided to open the drabble requests again! (And I will accept MLTs too!) So please, leave your request!💕

RULES.

↬ You can send me between 1 and 3 prompts

↬ Specify the genre, please !!!

↬ I write for Winner, EXO, BTS, Stray Kids, Astro, Oneus, NCT, GOT7, Monsta X and VIXX.

PROMPTS.

Did you just slap my butt?

One of them is missing.

Are you still mad at  me?

I’m your husband, it’s my job.

I want the divorce.

I am a human too.

What was that for?

Liar.

Can you shut the fuck up for 5 minutes?

What are you wearing?

Stop being so jealous.

You said you couldn’t live without me.

I should have known you better.

There will be no next time.

She is obviously hitting on you.

That’s what you call dancing?

What’s that sound...? Oh, it’s just you singing.

Do you think I poop money?

Fuck you.

I’m pregnant

I trusted you.

A-am I really going to meet you parents?.

Are you drunk?

I hate you.

Stop crying.

What did I do to deserve you?

What did I do wrong?

Why have you done this to me?

Fuck, you are so beautiful.

I missed you so much.

I’ve always liked you.

Don’t tell me what to do.

I thought that you liked me.

A bet?

Who did this to you?

You are sleeping in the car today.

You are perfect just the way you are.

Don’t tease me like that!

Kiss me.

Are you cheating on me?

Can I touch you?

Are you flirting with me?

Kermit approves this.

Please, let’s go to bed.

Just pretend.

I’m sorry.

Just... look at you.

Let’s play truth or dare!

You are still a baby.

Did I woke you up?

Good morning love!

I don’t deserve you.

You are all sweaty!

Who was that guy?

It’s not funny, stop.

It’s been a while.

I love the way your eyes shine.

Did you ever love me?

I’m not your toy.

Why can’t you love me?

I’m not crying, my eyes are just sweating.

Can we have a puppy?

Love doesn’t exist.

You are wrong.

Prove it.

Since when have you been doing this?

Why didn’t you tell me?

I’m not angry.

I can’t lose you.

I know you are lying.

We have been dating for four years now, so please, don’t lie to me.

I know you better than the back of my hand.

I thought you were happy.

Since when have you been feeling like this?

Why did you choose me?

You can be with someone better than me.

Don’t you dare to say that again.

Did you get into a fight?

Who gave you that black eye?

I can’t sleep.

I’m not that drunk...

I love you.

You are so sweet.

I thought you trusted me.

There’s no point in argue anymore...

I’m going to fight you.

Did you just fart?

Why are you like this?

Kiss me before they interrupt us again.

I regret everything I did.

I shouldn’t have said all that things.

Please, get in the car.

I felt out in love with you.

Look at me.

It hurts.

You are my sun.

Don’t play dumb with me.

You could be wearing a trashbag and you would still be the prettiest girl I know.

What are you trying?

I have pepper spray in my bag and I'm not afraid to use it!

[thegrumpygroomer]

The New Groomer’s Guide

Hello! If you’re following this account, I’m assuming you’re either already a groomer or interested in becoming one. And for both, I’d like to say: Welcome! For today’s post, I would like to pass on the knowledge I gained and kinda wished I could’ve figured out earlier. Many of you might go “yeah, duh” to a lot of this shit. Other’s might go “haha, yeah.” Hope you get something out of this either way.

1) It’s more than just ‘playing with puppies’- In this sense, I was kinda lucky. In my interview, my boss actually leveled with me and said “look, this job isn’t glamorous. It’s not about playing with puppies and having a good time. We clean dog assholes for a living.” That always stuck with me.

I’ve met some newbies that clearly didn’t get the same talking to as me. Or they thought it was fewer dog assholes and more puppies.

Either way, you learn quickly whether or not you want this just by that.

2) You will get bit- You’ll start out being wary of some dogs. Typically, those are the ones you should worry about least. I don’t know if you’ll ever get bit bad enough to make you bleed, but I’m talking from my own first and second-hand experience. I’ve seen some of the best groomers who’ve been doing it for far longer than me, stride out of the back with a bleeding hand. Sometimes it can’t be avoided because them motherfucker’s quick.

On the bright side, you can see it as training for a zombie apocalypse. No bitch-ass dead bitch gonna get you when Fido already taught you how to stay away from teeth.

3) Get a good pair of tweezers- This is something just about everyone forgets to tell you directly. Hair splinters are a BITCH. I have about twenty little shits permanently infused into the side of my pinky finger. They get to stay put for now because they didn’t cause any pain and alert me to their presence. To me, the ones on the palm are the worst. Especially the little white ones.

You will have a very intimate relationship with tweezers. One of those tiny magnifying glasses might help too.

4) Maybe get yourself a face mask and goggles too- Hair. It’ll be everywhere. There will be days you’ll walk out from drying your dog and your hair will have a new layer to it. You’ll find it hard to breathe then blow your nose and find out that husky from a week ago is still lodged in your nasal cavity. It’ll spiderweb all over your eyes. So, protect yourself so you can breathe and see.

Also, nail dust is a thing so the mask can be used again.

5) You’ll make a dog bleed- This is a very sad reality of grooming. But, there will come a time when you’ll draw blood. Maybe it’ll be a nicked paw pad, maybe your blade caught a scab. Most likely, it’ll be cutting a nail too short. No matter what, you’ll probably have a similar reaction to both me and a few people I trained.

You’ll cry and be afraid of doing it again. You might even react more than the dog you think is bleeding to death. It’s going to be okay; you’re going to get through it. It’s probably the crappiest part of the job but it is still a thing to prepare for. But, if you want this, you’ll have to get up from the floor where you passed out and learn all the steps to take to keep this from happening again.

And a better way of reacting if it does. Can’t have groomers always passing out.

6) You’ll gain breed prejudice- Huskies and German Shepherds? Get the fuck out of here. Yorkies? Those little shits better calm down! Border collies? Dude needs to take an ambient or something. Pit bulls? Fuck yeah! Always room for a pit bull bath!

You might think it’ll be obvious. Of course, you’ll love one type of dog over another. It’s not. Not at all. I’m more wary of a Pomeranian than I’ve ever been of a dog that comes up to my hip and I was attacked by a Shepard mix when I was seven.

This one’s pretty cut and dry. Hate some breeds, love others. There’s no telling what direction it’ll go.

You’ll never wanna do a pug nail trim though. That’s pretty universal.

7) Your tolerance levels are gonna change dramatically- When you do get a puppy, it’s both the best and the worst. Because, holy hell those little shits are adorable. But also, holy fuck this dog has never done this before and is scared shitless of everything! Puppies take practice and patience. A whole shitload of it. And that’ll be where your tolerance level should skyrocket. Remember, it’s a baby. It doesn’t know any better. (this should also hold true for any first timers and older dogs. Or just straight up nervous animals)

Now let’s talk about where tolerance will have the opposite effect: people.

Many will still have the whole “customer is always right” philosophy. Unfortunately, this is one of those places where that simply is not true. If you neglect to brush your dog? He gets a shave down rather than a light trim. You wanna shave you’re golden retriever because she’s shedding? That’s not how things work, ya dumbass!

I lost count of how many times I wanted to tell someone to do their fucking research before buying an animal. I didn’t get into this job to torture dogs.

It often helps to think that maybe this owner doesn’t know better. But, when you know for a fact they should know better, then you’re just going into the back to slam your head against the wall for a little while.

Also, those are the people who will usually become your request clients. So, you’ll have plenty of time trying to explain this shit to them. Enjoy!

8) You’ll be blamed for dumb things- The other day someone called to blame a groomer for giving a dog a mole. Not nicking a mole, GIVING him a mole. As if she had some kind of lame superpower to add something that usually takes forever to develop. Another time, I was accused of not giving a dog a bath because he went home and, the next day, “smelled like a dog.”

I don’t know why some people feel the need to do this. Maybe they lost touch with what it’s like to be a person with emotions. Maybe they think these are the best ways to get free things. Maybe their lives are just so miserable they need an outlet to dump all their crap. And what better scapegoat than a person in retail/service? You know, the one you just paid to get literally shat on?

(little gross extra for you: you will clean up shit. Sometimes, you’ll find it in your pocket. Don’t wear nice clothes to work…)

9) You’ll be in pain, like, 80% of the time- That’s a low ball too. I’m not a person who likes to be touched anymore than necessary. I don’t really hug unless I know you pretty well. I really like my personal space and strangers should never be in it.

But I would kill for a good back massage right about now.

If I could look into the future when I was in high school and saw this life, I would’ve done better in P.E. to prepare for it. I’m naturally a pretty strong person. I can lift some pretty heavy dogs without much of an issue. Even so, there are times my body screams at me for it. My main reason for wanting to go back to the gym is for upper body strength.

And then there’s carpal tunnel. It’ll be a bitch and you may need surgery down the line if you’re not careful. Just something to keep in mind.

Aches and pains will be a normal part of your day. Just think of them as a reminder that you are alive, I guess.

Now, I know you’re thinking that you just heard me bitch and moan about all the terrible shit in this job. Why would you wanna stay? Ore you may be thinking “Okay, so this is the part where they say something nice and return a bit of hope to our hearts.” Well, fuck you! I’m not some kinda straw man, Buzzfeed ass bitch here for your entertainment!

…..

Anyway.

10) it does have its upsides- I’ve had a lot of different jobs, most of which were a creative field. One of them paid a lot better than grooming. Many of them had their benefits like… not having to clean literal shit out of your pocket. But, it’s rare to find a job that can actually be fun.

All the bullshit I listed above is true; it’s all happened to me or around me. But most of the stuff are things that happen to everyone. That in itself brings you a certain amount of community. The people in the salon are very close-knit; it becomes almost like a family. And, like a family, we fight and bicker. But within that same hour, we’re laughing at bad puns and poop jokes. Immature? Maybe. But there’s not many other jobs where you can make these jokes without worrying about offending someone or just making things awkward.

There are days where I’m actually excited to go to work. Not many people can say that. Years ago, I couldn’t say that! So, I guess I’m lucky in a way.

This is not a job for everyone, don’t get me wrong. But when a job is geared for a certain type of person, it kinda sets up for a truly strong, supportive relationship.

-

Alright. Enough of this mushy sentimentality. This has been my New Groomer’s guide. Or, as it probably should’ve been titled “Ten things I wish someone told me when I became a Groomer.” But, ya know, I didn’t like that title.

Hope you enjoyed!

[artificialqueens]

Merry Christmas, Baby, You Sure Do Treat Me Nice (Pearlet) - Sammy Indigo

A/N: Puppies. It’s Pearlet with a puppy. At Christmas. That’s it.

Working in a bar meant that Matt often found himself walking home in the dark and cold early hours, and in order to make it home to Jason faster, he snuck through the alleyways on the backs of buildings that would be long closed for the evening.

Jason hated it. They had friends who had been attacked and intimidated, in similar situations, and the thought of Matt walking home alone in the dark winding passageways, away from any civilisation, kept him awake until he heard his boyfriend’s key in the front door of their apartment.

It was worse in the winter. The dark nights were longer, the air colder, and some nights Jason felt like he couldn’t cope. The anxiety ate at him as he waited up, curled on the couch with blankets covering him as he shivered, watching late night infomercials, trying to take his mind away from his worry about Matt.

It was a Sunday night when Matt was late coming home. Technically a Monday morning. It had been snowing steadily for a few hours, and the air outside was foggy. The club closed up at two, and was locked up around two thirty, Matt home and safe by three. But it was three thirty-seven, and Jason was feeling sick as he paced the living room.

Matt wasn’t answering his phone. It was going straight to voicemail. If he wasn’t dead already, Jason was going to kill him.

And then the key jangled against the lock. He struggled with the lock for a couple of seconds, keys clacking against their door. Jason heard him swear from the other side.

When the door swung open, and Jason ran towards Matt (whether to kiss or kill him, he hadn’t decided), it took a second for him to register that Matt had something in one arm, tucked into his coat. The thing moved of its own volition and Jason stopped in his tracks. The thing’s head poked out.

“What the fuck is that?” Jason asked, already knowing the answer.

Matt grinned. “I found a puppy.” He pulled back his collar to fully reveal the little dirty pest. “He’s so adorable. And he was all alone in the snow.”

Jason crossed his arms. “I thought you were dead, you jerk. You didn’t answer your phone.”

Matt had the decency to look sheepish. “It died at the club.”

“You will, too, if you ever fucking do that to me, again.”

“I’m sorry.” He held out the puppy, as though it were a peace offering.

Jason took a step back, grimacing. “Put it in the bathroom and close the door. That shelter on third probably opens at like seven or eight. We’ll drop it there in the morning.”

Horrified, Matt tucked the puppy back under his coat. “No.” He said. “Jay, he followed me. I rescued him.”

“We are not keeping that thing in our house.” Jason said. “It’s probably got rabies. Or scurvy, or something.”

“Scurvy is what pirates get.”

“I don’t give a fuck, Matthew.” Jason snapped. “Just know, that I won’t have that damn dog living in my house. Got it?”

Matt pouted.

……………..

Four weeks, three trips to the vets, and four hundred dollars later, and the puppy was still in the apartment.

It squeaked at Jason’s feet as he tried to do their dishes. He looked down at it. The fluffy white fur around its face was flat on one side from where it had been napping under their kitchen table, just minutes before. It yawned and stretched its short legs.

Jason waited for it to look up at him. “I don’t like you.” He said.

It tried to tug on the bottom of his jeans, and Jason hissed at it. The puppy whined and backed away with its tail between its legs.

“Okay,” Matt said, walking into the room and scooping up the dog, “I get that he’s not your favourite thing, but you’re not actually a cat, Jay.” He nuzzled the puppy’s head. “You don’t have to hiss at him.”

“It’s a menace.”

“He.” Matt said. “And he’s not. He’s just a puppy. Aren’t ya, Snowball?”

Jason groaned. “Snowball? You named it?”

“Yeah, it’s cute, right.” Matt cuddled the puppy close. It licked his face. “’Cause I found him in the snow, and he’s white. Like a ‘lil snowball.”

“Oh, God.” Jason threw his pink rubber gloves into the sink. “Does this mean you’re attached to it? You named it, and now you’re attached to it?”

Matt held Snowball up to his face. “He’s my baby.”

“Fuck’s sake, Matthew. You’re a grown man.”

……………….

  Snowball peed on the carpet.

And chewed holes in Jason’s shoes.

He cried through the night and woke them up at three am.

He left his toys in the middle of the room for Jason to trip over.

And he took all Matt’s attention by just sitting there, acting cute. That was supposed to be Jason’s job.

Plus, he was expensive.

It was the holiday season, and everything seemed to be more expensive. Even their rent had increased as their lease renewed, and Jason and Matt had had to sit down with a calculator, and papers spread across the coffee table, to work out their finances. Jason felt guilty. Matt was having to pick up the slack, working at the club five nights a week, and then picking up a seasonal job as a delivery person during the day. He was exhausted, and Jason felt like shit when their friends asked if he was still on the sick from his job.

When he voiced this, Matt told him to shut up. That his mental health was worth more than any money he would be bringing home from a dead end job that was detrimental to him. Matt was an angel, but Jason couldn’t help but feel inadequate sometimes.

“Please don’t forget to walk Snowball.” Matt said as he pulled his jacket over his hoodie. “Otherwise you’ll be cleaning up pee, again.”

Jason sighed. “It’s fucking freezing. Can’t he walk himself?”

Matt glared at him. “Please?” He said, walking over to Jason on the couch. He leaned over the back of it, wrapping both arms around Jason’s shoulders and hugging him. “Please try and be nice to the dog? Just try, and I’m sure you’ll grow to love him.”

Jason twisted his face into a grimace. “I don’t love anything except you and pizza rolls.”

Matt kissed his cheek. “Be nice to Snowball.” He kissed him again. “And I’ll be back later. I love you.”

“I love you, too. I guess.”

Matt stuck his tongue out at him as he grabbed his bag and walked over to the door. Snowball trotted behind him, yapping and trying to jump up Matt’s legs.

“Bye bye, baby.” He cooed. “You gotta stay here and Daddy’s gotta go to work now-,”

“No.”

“-so I’ll see you when I get home.” He petted Snowball’s tiny head. “And Dada Jay-,”

“Absolutely not!”

“-is gonna walk you.” Matt stood up straight and blew Jason a kiss. “Love you, Dada.” He laughed.

Jason glared at him as the door closed.

Snowball sat down, face almost pressed against the closed front door, and waited. He whined for a few minutes, but upon realising Matt was not due to return anytime soon, he quieted, though remained at his guard of the door.

“Dumb dog.” Jason muttered on his way through to the bedroom.

………………….

It was over two hours later when Jason was awoken from an unintentional nap by his phone vibrating very close to his face. He cracked open an eye and quickly closed it again at the bright assault from his screen. A minute later, it buzzed for a second time as a reminder for the unread notification.

Jason resigned himself to properly checking it this time, and smiled when he saw the first line of a message from Matt.

Love you baby, don’t forget that

Jason smirked. Matt was such a softie. He made the effort to sit up on the bed and open the message, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The rest of the message popped up and Jason pursed his lips.

Love you baby, don’t forget that

you need to walk Snowball.

Jason typed out a message back.

Fuck off.

Not a minute later, and Matt responded with his own message, followed by a string of heart-eye emoticon faces.

Walk the dog, Jay. Love you, both.

Out of sheer pettiness, Jason chose not to respond.

In the living room, the stupid dog was still waiting by the front door. As Jason walked in, Snowball’s head perked up, and he watched him move around the room, remaining in his position by the door.

“Apparently,” Jason said, rooting around in the pile of laundry on their chair for a sweater, “you need to be walked.”

The dog jumped to his feet and began pacing in front of the door. Jason pulled the sweater over his head.

“You know what that means?” He asked.

Snowball whined.

“Walk?” Jason said, and the dog scratched at the door. “Huh. Didn’t know you could understand me.” He pulled on his scarf and coat. “Mattie got you a leash. Where does he keep it?”

The question wasn’t necessarily posed a the dog, just a rhetorical one aimed at the air, but when Jason began wandering around their kitchen, looking for the leash, Snowball made a beeline for the cabinet under their sink. He butted his head against the cabinet door, crying.

The leash, was in the bottom of the cupboard, obviously having been thrown there by Matt after his walk early in the morning. Jason looked down at the fluff at his feet.

“Let’s get this over with.”

  …………..

  The dog had pooped, and Jason was still mad he had had to pick it up, but aside from the trauma of that, and the fact that it was colder than a witch’s tit outside, the walk had gone without issue. To himself, Jason had to admit, he hadn’t actually hated walking Snowball. He had ended up being stopped on four separate occasions during their small excursion, simply because people wanted to pet Snowball. When they told Jason how cute the puppy was and how well behaved he was, he had felt a sense of pride that he had no right to.

Maybe, Jason had enjoyed it a little bit. But that was just because he was an attention whore.

He told Matt it was awful and he hated every second of it.

But he walked Snowball again the next day when Matt asked.

And the next day, when he asked.

And the next day when he didn’t ask.

And the next.

And the one after that.

Until it was Matt’s day off from his daytime job, and somehow they ended up walking him together.

“So, I was thinking we could maybe order take out and snuggle?” Matt said, pulling slightly on he and Jason’s linked arms as they walked. “I know it’s not super Christmassy, but-,”

“No, that sounds lovely.” Jason smiled. “I mean, it’s just another day, really? Christmas is just for the kids. That’s what my dad used to say.”

Matt pulled a little at Snowball’s leash as the puppy strayed too close to the roadside. “I guess. But I still want to go see the Christmas lights tonight.”

“Are we bringing the dog? It might be too long for him to walk. We’ll have to carry him.”

“Uh,” Matt gave him a peculiar look, “I assumed you’d want to leave him at home?”

Jason bristled. “Well, obviously. I just thought that you’d want to bring him. And I can’t be bothered with arguing.”

“Okay.” Matt smirked. “Well, we don’t have to bring him.”

“No, no.” Jason said, looking down as the dog trotted by his feet. “We’ll bring him if you insist.”

“Well, I wasn’t insisting, but okay.” Matt made to turn a corner and go down a side street, but Jason put a hand on his arm.

“No, Snowball likes going this way better.” He said, pulling him across the road.

Smiling, Matt followed him. “Okay, then. If you insist.”

  ………………..

  They went to the Christmas market to look at the lights, and half an hour in, Snowball began lagging behind them. Matt picked him up and put him inside his jacket and within ten minutes he was sound asleep against his chest.

“How big do you think he’ll get?” Jason asked. “You think you’ll be able to carry him in your coat for much longer?”

“He’s got kinda small paws.”

“What?”

“Like, if puppies have big paws they say they’ll be big dogs, but he has small paws.”

Jason slowed their walk as something on a stall caught his eye. “I hope he stays small.”

“Why? You gonna get a handbag to put him in?” Matt laughed.

The little stall next to them held Jason’s attention enough that he didn’t respond to Matt. A young woman behind the small craft table her wares were displayed on, waved, and Jason walked over. Matt trailed behind him, and amused smirk on his face once he realised what the lady was selling. He brushed a gloved hand over Snowball’s fur and whispered in his fluffy ear. “Your Dada’s going soft.”

“Hi.” The woman said. “How’s it going?”

“Good.” Jason replied, distractedly, looking over the various things on the table.

“I’m Adore. Everything on the table is handmade by me, and all individually priced. All safe for your fur babies. ”

“Cool.”

She looked at Matt, smiled, then spotted Snowball in his jacket and beamed. “Oh, cute!” Adore pointed to the dog. “Adorable. How old? And what’s their name? Oh! How long have you had them?”

Matt grinned. He stepped forward beside Jason and wrapped an arm around him. “Snowball.” He said and Adore squeaked. “He’s a few months old we think but not one hundred per cent sure. I found him in an alley.”

“Oh!” Adore looked heartbroken. “A rescue.” She perked herself up and smiled again. “But how wonderful he has his fur-ever home.”

Jason looked up at her. “Actually, he’s a temporary guest.”

“No he’s not.” Matt said.

“He would be if it were down to me.” Jason said.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Sure, Jan.”

Jason smacked his arm. “We best be going.” He nodded at Adore. “But, erm, you have cute stuff here, I guess.”

“Thank you.” Adore grinned. “Here.” She handed Jason a card. Taped to it was a tiny packet with two little biscuits in. “I make things custom, and I’m a just a pretty cool person. And those are puppy-safe treats.”

“Thanks.” Jason said. “Er, see you around.”

As they walked away, Adore called after them.

“Don’t forget! Puppies need presents off Santa, too! Unless you’re Jewish. But I make cool stuff for every religion! Call me!” She waved. “Bye Snowball. I love you!”

Matt turned to Jason. “I bet she’s so much fun to smoke with. We should invite her to New Years.”

“We don’t even know her.” Jason said, opening the little packet of dog treats.

“But I want to.”

“I kind of do, too.” He inspected one of the homemade biscuits, then held it close to Snowball’s face. “She had micro-braids, and somehow was pulling them off.”

Snowballs nose twitched, and he opened his eyes. He licked the treat once, then nipped it out of Jason’s hand, crunching it and dropping crumbs inside of Matt’s coat. He snuffled in the jacket, trying to vacuum up the dropped morsels.

“She must make good treats.” Matt said.

Jason nodded. “Yeah.” He glanced back over to Adore’s stall. “Hey, listen, you go on. I’ll meet you by the cheese stand. I, erm, I have to go do something.”

“Do what?”

“Nothing.” He snapped. “Just, something. I’ll be like five minutes.”

Matt watched, as Jason not so subtly took the long route around to Adore’s stall. Matt walked towards the cheese stand, speaking to Snowball under his breath. “Why Dada can’t just admit he likes you, is baffling to me.”

  ………………

  On Christmas day, Matt kissed Jason awake at four am, wished him a ‘Merry Christmas’, and left to go to work. Snowball was still asleep when he left, and Matt chose not to tease Jason about the fact that the dog had slept all night curled into the space behind where Jason’s knees bent.

The day was long, and cold, and hard, but in the early afternoon Matt was all done for the day, and excited to get back home. He picked up food to share with Jason, and stopped at the corner store for a couple of bottles of cheap red wine for them to get drunk off of.

He struggled with his keys, but quickly got the door unlocked, and slowly opened it with the expectation that Snowball would be waiting on the other side. However, the dog did not, as he usually did, greet him by chirping at his feet until Matt showered him with attention. A part of Matt was a little disappointed in the lack of fuss made at his arrival home, until he caught sight of his boyfriend asleep on the couch with their dog on his chest.

Matt closed the door and put down his bags.

His family was fucking cute.

Jason opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at Matt. “Hey,” he held out his hands, “baby, come snuggle me. It’s Christmas.”

Snowball snored on Jason’s chest. Matt had to bite his lip. The dog was wearing a knitted Christmas sweater.

He walked over and sat himself on the floor in front of Jason, leaning up on his knees to kiss him slowly. “I love you.” He said. “Merry Christmas, Jay, I love you.”

“I love you, Mattie.”

Matt rubbed his nose against his cheek. “Where did the dog get a sweater from?”

Jason kissed him again, putting a hand on his cheek and rubbing Matt’s ear. “Mmm, I love you, baby.”

“Love you. Where did the dog get a sweater?”

Snowball, awoke, climbing over Jason to get to Matt. He shook and the sweater slipped to the side. Jason fixed it.

“You love him.” Matt teased, picking up Snowball. “You bought him a sweater because you love him.”

“I don’t love him.”

“You do.”

“I don’t. I just was concerned he’d be cold.”

“You love him. You love our dog.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Nope.”

“Oh, yes.” Matt grinned. Snowball tired to lick at Jason’s cheek from his place in Matt’s arms. “He loves you and you love him, and that’s okay.”

Jason said nothing, and Matt took that as a victory.

“I love you.” Matt said. He put Snowball back on Jason’s lap and the dog curled up. “I fucking love you.”

“Yeah, well,” Jason blushed, “I love you, too.”

“And our puppy?”

Jason tugged at the tiny knitted sweater on the dog, and smiled. “Maybe a little.”

[mgrt-blog]

I Chose

It’s been quite some time since I even thought about signing in here, let alone actually doing it. 

All the posts before this were from a different person. A young lad with the world in front of him. I was going to be a world class engineer; touring the continents, maybe get featured in a magazine or an award or something - I don’t know.

Here I sit, the sum of my decisions, the choices I have made. I’ve always been happy with my impulsive nature - always trusted it, even. But luck only lasts so long.

I made a choice a few years ago. It’s time to settle, have kids, have a house, have a car and have a puppy. I found her, I chose her, I worked on us to be together. I pushed (In hindsight, unfairly) for her to move hundreds of miles. Hundreds of miles from her family, friends, homeland. From her people, accent, mistakes and triumphs, proud moments and shameful ones. I thought I wanted to be that engineer before-mentioned, but it turns out I wanted her more.

We’ve known each other for almost 13 years now and she is the most unique thing in this world. There is no-one like her. But there was more to her than I knew.

My eagerness to be complete and whole made me sloppy and impatient. We moved in together very quickly - certainly far too quickly, I know that now. Things became rough, quickly. At first I thought I was becoming a violent, snappy and impatient person, or maybe I’d chosen someone that was those things and it was rubbing off on me? Shit, I don’t know. We both palmed it off as two stubborn and passionate people learning to not have to rely on only ourselves for everything.

Then the doubt started to settle in.

And my stubbornness didn’t fail me. And I’m glad for that, because I would have missed what so many men before me missed.

We moved house together. From a one bed council flat with our young puppy, to a 3 bedroom semi-detached. I put every bit of my knowledge and skill into that place. I knew there was something wrong but I didn’t know what.

Then it happened. The breakdown. Not weakness, but actually the result of many years of “Dealing With It”. You know, just getting on with it, pretending you’re alright so that you can pay rent, have a career and try and live some kind of life. I didn’t see it coming, she didn’t see it coming.

The strongest woman in the world, crumbled before my eyes. She had to rely on a man who could barely rely on himself. Turns out I’m probably better at looking after others than myself. She went off on the sick and I picked up extra work. Dealt with suicide attempts, episodes of self harm, lashing out, impulsive and destructive behaviour and so on. Eventually, I pushed for the doctor, once I showed her how... well, not usual, the behaviour was.

She accepted this. She had the strength still to keep her mind open and reassess everything she knew. I couldn’t have done it if I were her. I’d have buckled and be 6 feet under, but she is a survivor.

Fast forward two mental hospital stays, countless pills, suicide attempts, cuts, fights, nights of crying, migraines, vomiting and debt letters later and we find ourselves in March.

I have terrible credit, bad money sense and control, horrific prioritisation of personal funds - Fuck, call it what you like; Me and money don’t work together. So, I dropped the ball a lot with bills and funding debts. That’s on me. That will always be on me. So when I couldn’t keep hiding the letters whilst I figured out how to fix the money problems, it got real ugly, real quick.

She knew of my past debts and wasn’t happy to say the least, but I promised to get my shit together. Turns out, I fucked up again (Yes, under different circumstances, but still) and she couldn’t keep that frustration to herself. I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t be able to either. But I chose to try and shield her from mistakes. That is, until I couldn’t anymore. You see, she’s too smart to be lied to. Too smart to have things hidden from her. Even battling what she was battling in her own mind, she was still the smartest damned woman I ever knew.

Prior to this time, I had decided there was going to be a handful of things I wouldn’t stand for. I would not stand for:

1. Being called Selfish

2. Being told I make her life worse

3. Being told I’m hated

There were a lot more things I wouldn’t accept, but you can probably see where I’m going here.

She said them all in a 24 hour period. More times than I count. I chose to leave.

I chose to fucking leave. Yeah, I know I chose to leave. I chose to leave her there, in that house, alone with our dog, with no income, with no-one else to be there, with nothing else in her life.

What a fucking cunt. Yeah, I can hear you thinking it. What an absolute fucking waste of carbon and oxygen I ended up being - that I am.

I don’t feel good about any of it. I have my new place now and a new career and the only person I have to answer to is myself. Problem being, I judge myself more than any of you. How could I leave her like that? How could I be the person she would hate for the rest of her life? Compare every man to? Compromise her future love life because of?

I took ill to glandular fever when I was run down after being in A+E with her after an overdose. When I was 20, the doctor had never seen an immune system like mine. at 24 (At the time), I may as well have had HIV.

I was not healthy. Possibly dying. I had mild swelling on the brain, inflammation in my lungs, an ulcer in my stomach, pain everywhere I could imagine having pain - I was a mess. I was more than likely dying. No, fuck it: I was dying. I was!

You know, Facebook, Twatter, Instascam and all that shit, you see about those who have their problems, but you don’t see shit about the people who try and help them. 

I lost my childhood friends, my colleagues, my brothers, the people I trusted. My family thought I hated them.

But her family. Her past loves, friends, colleagues, doctors and nurses. Everyone one of them missed it. They missed every single symptom, cry for help, distinguishable feature from a healthy individual to a damaged hero.

I loved her. And I know I still love her. And I probably always will. But she’s learned from being anywhere near me, hopefully things that will keep her safe, happy and healthy. I hope I was the only version of me she ever meets. I hope the next guy doesn’t have to do what I had to do for her. I hope there is a bundle of happiness awaiting her. And so fucking help me God, if someone ever takes advantage of her again, it will be the last mistake they ever make.

I can’t be around you any more, my little poop. You need to be happy again. You need to only remember me for the things that will help you in the future, and forget me for every wrong thing I ever did or said. Don’t let our two years be in vain. Do not let my mistakes be your mistakes. I promised you that you would be happy. I pushed your boat out, you started rowing - sooner or later, you will be picked up by the current and you will travel the world.

I promise you that I will be here when there is no-one else. I promise you that I will always care. We cannot ever be what we were and I think it wasn’t the best for us - I see that now. Just make sure he’s right for you sweetie. I have to let go of you. I have been selfish and that makes me a pretty shitty person and you absolutely do not deserve that.

I haven’t sent you this for a reason. If my friends find this, I’m not in a dangerous frame of mind. I fully intend to keep living because I know there are people who need me. Lil poop, if you find this, Just know I left this for you to find organically, because I know that when you need things the most, you will always find them. You are a beautiful little tank of raw explosives.

Keep being phenomenal. The world needs your strength.

[littleladybaker]

Carol and Mallorie watch LOTR Return of the King.

Finally getting around to typing up part three of this little series. This one is gonna be the longest yet because we watched the Extended Edition. Spoilers galore. Enjoy!

Explaining Smeagol and Deagol to Carol and Mal as the original Merry and Pippin.

Mallorie making dick jokes about Deagol’s fishing pole...while I was eating a redvine...

Carol asked me to to pause the movie so she could answer the phone (they still have a house phone) and I paused just a second Gollum was biting into the catfish. We all started screaming and Carol’s brother, my ex, came out and told us to stop being so loud. We told him to put his headphones on if we bothered him so much. I explained to the girls that he slept threw ALL THREE MOVIES each time I tried to show the movie to him.

“Please tell me Frodo is ok after all this.”(Mallorie)

“As ok as you can be with PTSD.” (Carol)

Carol making Frodo/Sam sex jokes.

“Sam and Rosie had eight kids. The first was born in less than a year.”(Me)

“They had a lot of fun.” (Carol)

Me infodumping about Christopher Lee.

Carol and Mallorie making dick jokes about Saruman.

Me:Christopher Lee is problebly yelling at us from Heaven. You know that right?

C and M: ...

Mallorie: Hi, Chris!

Carol: You know we’re riiiiiiiiightttttttt!

Ganalf is Pippin’s grandpa now.

Treebeard apparently lost his wife in the mall. 😹

DrunkGimli was apparently Mallorie after one margarita on her 21st.

Carol implying that Gollum did dirty things with the ring.

Smeagol is like Jeremy's sister in Phinius and Ferb.

I am the Pippin of our “Family”.

“Aragorn! Come get your grandson!” (Mallorie)

“Merry loves his little cousin.”(Mallorie)

“Well someone's gotta look after him. ‘Cause his parents clearly ain't!”(Me)

The girls gushing over Eldarion and Arwen and Aragorn!

“How do you know so much?”(Mallorie)

“It’s my job. I make dolls and I know things.”(Me)

Dickhead Denethor.

Aragorn “Hope” jokes.

“Hope will come.”(Gandalf)

“And then he has a son!” (Mallorie)

Two words: Fro-Bro, Fro Fro Brodo.

Mallorie infodumping Game of Thrones in me.

Us arguing over who gets custody of Faramir when we take him from Denethor.

Me gushing over Lawrence Makoare and his dedication to makeup acting. Seriously this guy is amazing.

Gushing over how cute Merry is.

More talk about the horses. Ian McKellen’s horse was a DIVA.

Us calling David Wenham (I think I misspelled that😕) Daisy.

More gushing over Lawrence.

Boromir is Faramir’s Ada and Denethor has lost custody.

Boromir is ashamed of his father.

Me making Mallorie cry over my HC that Boromir leads Pippin to the afterlife when he dies.

EDGE OF NIGHT!!!!!!! The girls were impressed.

We all may or may not all have crushes of Billy Boyd.

Me explaining Dernhelm.

Eomir’s speech to Eowen sounds an awful lot like Sharpe’s “Can you stand” Speach.

Andril is amazing.

Explaining elf marriage and how the elf follows their spouse into the afterlife.

Telling them about Elboron.

The return of Puppy Horse!

Eowen is Merry’s mom friend.

Mallorie still loves Gimli.

Mallorie is more scared of Bilbo than of the Army of the Dead

Gothmog looks like the CEO of Abacrombi and Finch.

Talk of how Young Ian McKellen would have ruined our lives.

(Carol brought up a picture of Young Ian with young Tim Curry and...I have no idea how to comprehend what I've seen.)

Mallorie’' she reason for why Frodo can't  turn back at Shelob’s: Sam’s down there and it would just be awkward because he just broke up with his boyfriend.

TEN MINUTES of Carol and Mallorie taking about Turtle Sex because they began to wonder where baby Orc come from...I'm scared for life.

Carol is SUPER ARACNIPHOBIC. I'm glad I asked before Shelob showed her face. She had to cling to my Haldir doll...I'm making her a spider repellent Sam doll...

Me:(to the tune of If You're Happy and You Know It) If you wanna adopt a hobbit and ya know it raise your hand!

Them:

Everyone hates Denethor

Any time Witch King, Gothmog, or Lurtz does something Mallorie shouts, Dang it Lawerence, and I'm so proud of myself for corrupting her into a Lawerence fan.

Merry is Eowen’s emotional  support Hobbit! 😹

I'm making all my friends matching Hobbit dolls, because there are five of us, Mallorie gets Bilbo.

Oliffond poop problebly kills people.💩

I have stopped correcting Mallorie when she's calls the Oliffonds Eliphants.

YOU CAN SEE THE TEAR TRACKS ON PIPPIN’S DIRTY FACE!!!!

Rohirm are REALLY uncreative whith naming their children...

Peter Jackson and his anatomically correct CGI animals.

Our new band, Panic in my Heart. With our new hit single, Don't kill my fave.

The girls thinking Merry is dead. (I didn't tell the man otherwise. Mwahahaha 😁)

Aragorn put Eowen in the Daughter Zone, not the friend zone.

🎤If you wanna be my lover,🎤

Sorry, i already adopted you. Also, I'm married to someon else.

The girls trying to figure where the ring is hidden, thinking it is on Frodo somewhere. ( Carol asked if it was up Fodo’s ass 😹)

Ring dick jokes. Curtesy of Carol

“Gondor has a king, Gondor needs its king!”

FARAMIR AND EOWIN!!!

I quoted Aragorn’s Men of the West Speach and I have no shame!

I continue to quote Unusual Suspect threw the whole movie.

“There's no eagles, Lil! You said the Eagles would be there!”(Carol)

Eagles arrive.

“Oh”( Carol)

Us all singing Let it Go when Frodo is about to drop the ring.

More dirty ring jokes.

At this point, Mallorie and Carol just wanted the movie to end.

When are all I need agreement that Pippin needs a bath, a cuddle, and a nap.

ARAGORN’S CORINATION SONG!!!!!!!!! VIGGO CAN STILL SING, IT TOO!!!!!!!!

Elrond is SO not read yet for his baby girl to get married.

We all just wanted the movie to be fucking over!

Galadriel scared Mallorie, apparently.

Carol crying when she realizes Frodo doesn't live Happily ever after with Sam and Rosie in Bag End.

“OH MY GOSH!!! THIS IS THE NEVER ENDING STORY!!!!!!”(All of us!!!!)

“This was fun but we are never doing it again.”(Me)

“YUP!!!!!”(C+M)

And it's finnaly over! Carol an drew Mallorie have finnaly seen all three LOTR movies! Up next, either showing the movie to Caitlin, extended edition marathon, or Hobbit movies. We'll see. TTFN, ta ta for now.

[haikyuu-imagines-blog]

Oikawa, Kuroo and Bokuto apologising to You

well, enjoy

Oikawa Tooru

‘‘Okay, what the actual fuck Tooru?’‘ You looked around your flat as you uttered these words of devastation, trying to ignore the small desire to melt by the sight of what he had done. Oikawa was known to be a very intelligent and calculative person, but when faced with your wrath he could get a little extreme. And that was exactly what had happened when he brought home a bunch of small, fluffy puppies, which were so excited that they completely destroyed everything around them.

‘‘You know what? To justify my action, Iwa-chan helped me buy them so...it’s half his fault, too.’‘ 

‘‘Well, but Iwa-chan-’‘ You mocked Tooru’s voice, even though you respected Iwaizumi with all your might. ‘‘-don’t have poop in his living room!’‘

‘‘Yet.’‘

‘‘Do you want to die tonight?’‘

‘‘Listen baby-’‘ He came closer to you, having you at the arm-length distance. ‘-imagine, me and you and our five, beautiful puppies going on walks, playing, teaching each other new things, growing old together--’‘

‘‘Okay, stop.’‘ You quickly interrupted him, putting a finger on his half opened lips. ‘‘I get what you are doing. Your apology for yesterday’s fight is a shit-’‘ He winced a little, smile visibly faltering. ‘‘-however, since the puppies are cute, I’m willing to forget it.’‘ 

‘‘Perfec

t!’‘ He clasped his hands, shooting you his perfect smile. ’‘What are we doing for dinner?’‘

‘‘Oh dear, I’m going to make a dinner. You-’‘ This time you pointed a finger at him, the smirk, which welcomed itself on your face made him shudder. ‘‘-are going to clean this mess.’‘

‘‘I hate my life.’‘ 

Kuroo Tetsurou

It’s been three hours since your fight and the throbbing guilt in his gut was growing more painful with each hour. He knew that he had been at fault that time, but he still didn’t stop screaming at you. It was stupid, he was frustrated and you were just there. Kuroo felt bad and the sound of your crying form on the couch wasn’t helpful but was a reminder of how much of an asshole he can become when something didn’t go his way.

He wanted so badly to apologise, but the last expression you had given him was so heartbreaking and it made him scared to look at you. However, it had to be done in order to keep your relationship. No backing away anymore and then putting his anger on the next person. 

He started to slowly approach your laying body, from behind the couch. You have already stopped sobbing, but it was obvious that tears were still running down your face. He came to the place next to your head and stood still. Your face was reddish and messy, with snot and wet traits everywhere. You looked the same as he felt right in that moment. 

He didn’t know what to say, how to whisper a word sorry so you would understand the power behind this word. So he didn’t. 

He slowly laid his larger body in front of yours and held your hand tightly in his, feeling how your grip also tighten. You didn’t stop crying right away, but when you did - he enveloped you in his arms for the whole night and didn’t let go.

It was the best apology you could have thought of, but you still hoped it would be the last time he had to do this.

Bokuto Koutarou

‘’I find your lips so kissable’‘

‘‘Kou, are you dying?’‘ You asked your boyfriend, who decided to call you right in the middle of your trip to the mall.

‘’And your kiss unmissable’‘

‘‘Is it One Direction?’‘

‘’Your fingertips so touchable’’

‘‘Okay, I’m coming over.’‘

’And your eyes, irresistible’’

‘‘Wait - are you drunk?’‘

‘‘In love.’‘ He clearly slurred and you didn’t even know if you should laugh or cry at his poor state of mind. ‘‘I feel so lost, you know? Our fight, it totally wrecked me. I don’t want you to leave me, but I’m not that good at saying sorry. And - wait a minute.’’ You heard him throw up somewhere in the background and immediately feel lightheaded. Alcohol was definitely not for him.

‘‘Koutarou, it’s fine.’‘ You assured, hoping that he would leave it alone and let you visit to take care of him, but no - Bokuto Koutarou wasn’t the one to give up.

‘‘Listen, listen, listen, listen. Are you listening?’‘ You laughed loudly, getting weird looks from people on the train. 

‘‘Ye--’‘

‘‘You are not listening!’‘ He yelled and you laughed even harder.

‘‘I am!’‘

‘‘Good.” He swallowed and continued. ‘‘I’m sorry, can we still be together?’‘

‘‘Kou, our argument was about what movie shall we watch tonight. It was nothing serious, oh my God.’‘ 

‘‘Technically, you are right. Practically, it could be something deeper.’‘ He stated, seriously and you couldn’t help, but be fond of the way he cared about your relationship. It may be a little crazy at times, but you loved it anyway. 

‘‘It was nothing.’‘

‘‘Cool, we are watching Transformers, bye.’‘ He quickly hung up, not giving you a single chance to protest.

‘‘You piece of shit.’‘

[chocomintdrops]

Well I decided start a fanfic (nobody will read) but here I go

Was a sunny Saturday morning in the quiet mountain town, Kyle and Stan pass the time together siting on the cought in Stan’s house whatching TV when Cartman enters in the living room, interrupting the boys.

Cartman: Guys, guys I need to tell something really important...

Kyle: What is now fatass? You finally could pass your big ass from a door?

Stan and Kyle look to each other and laught

Cartman: HAHA really funny you fucking jew!

Stan: What’s it Cartman?

Cartman: Listen guys you need to promise me that you don’t tell anybody. Kyle rolling his eyes: Oh my god, here we go again....

Cartman: Shut up you stupid jew! Stan: Alright Cartman we promise, just tell us already.

Cartman: Fine guys....(sign)..... well I just wanna tell to you guys that.....

Kyle interruped: Just tell us alread fat boy !

Cartman screams: SHUt UP KAHL! (Cartman pause for a moment and continues) well me and Kenny kinda are together now.

Stan and Kyle are shocked: WHAT???

Cartman cross his arms and look up: Yeah guys I’m gay and dating that poor shit Kenny.

Stan: No fucking way! I really confused right now.

Kyle: Come on Stan, you know that the fatass are just fucking with us right now.

Cartman: I knew that that you jew ass willn’t believe in me so I ask Kenny him self to came so you guys can ask to him.

Stan still shocked: No way dude....

Kyle get up from the cought and confront Eric: Look fatass I geting really tired of your stupid fucking games...

Cartman looks to Kyle WIth a innocent face and smile: But kaahl, I not playing. Me and Kenny are really dating, you can ask yourself when he cames.

Kyle facepalm: Alright, fine! I will wait to kenny come over.

Cartman sits next to Stan: That’s why I like Stan’s the most. He don’t think I’m lyng, right Stan?

Cartman smile ant touchs Stan’s  shoulder but  he still looks very confused.

Stan: Dude...

Kyle cross his arms, sit on the cought again looking down with a mad expression.

Kenny finally arrives and enters on the house.

Kenny: (Hi guys!)

Stan: Oh... hi Kenny.

Cartman leaves the cought and runs to Kenny: Kenny! Please tell the guys about us! (Points to Stan and Kyle) Those pieces of crapt just not belive on me.

Kyle: Kenny please... you don’t HAVE to be part on this....

Stan: So kenny...this is really true?

Kenny: (Yeah guys! I’m with Cartman now).

Kyle: *sigh* How much Cartman is paying you to trick us? 20 dollars?

Kenny: (Nothing, we are really together!)

Kyle facepalm: I just can fucking belive on this!

Stan freaks out: DUDE! (jump from the cought and starts walking on circles) First is Craig and Tweek now is you and Cartman?? This can’t be fucking real man!

Cartman: Hey! Just because you guys are pussies and don’t admite your own gayness don’t mean that me and Kenny have to deny to.

Stan is confused and mad: What??

Kyle: Fine! I really sick of it right now. If you two are gay prove to us.

Stan: Yeah.

Kenny: (How?)

Stan: Well...if you guys are dating you two should...kiss?

Kyle look surprised to Stan: EEK dude!

Cartman: Omg I hate you guys so much..... Fine!

Kenny: (Ok, we will kiss).

Stan: I can’t fucking believe dude...

Kenny takes Eric’s hand, gets closer to his face and gives him a small kiss.

Stan and Kyle, really surprised: SICK DUDE!

Stan vomits, Cartman point to him and laught.

Kyle: Ok ok, what I just saw?

Cartman looking proud: Face it dirty little jew, you are just jealous that me and Kenny are gays for each other before you and Stan could admit it.

Kyle: No, I’m not. I just surprise that Kenny have such poor taste.

Kenny: (FUCK YOU kyle!).

Stan freak out again: How this happens dude??

Kenny: (Well, this all happens when Eric and Heidi broke up for the last time and Cartman came to my house crying really bad and saying that know how I feel for being poor. At first I think in shut the door in his face but I felt bad for him.

Cartman make a mad expression.: Hey! You poor little piece of crap!

Kenny being sarcastic: (Yeah honey I love you too...so how I was saying, I let he came to my room and he cry a lot more and them finally he starts to being real to him self to me.

Cartman intenrruped: I start to see that I don’t really love Heidi and remember how Kenny help me every time when things in my life are fucked up, so I hug him and just they that I always kinda have a crush on him but I just don’t wanna admite so I use Heidi to try hide my feelings and everything gone wrong....

Kenny complete: (So I said that is fine and I acepted his fellings since he looks like is the fucking one who can fucking remember that I fucking die all the fucking time).

Stan: WOW dude...that’s ok I guess?

Kyle looking to Stan: Well, Cartman Always look gay, but Kenny?

Cartman: Suck my balls jew!

Stan: Yeah! (points to kenny) You’re always reading porn magazines Kenny.

Kenny: (Yeah, so? By the way you guys ever looked to Cartman’s titties? They are huge!).

Cartman interruped mad: HEY! (pauses and look to Kenny with puppie eyes and talks soft) Don’t be rude with me babe.

Stan: So...nothing change? Cartman still a fat racist bastard....

Kyle completes: ....but a GAY fat racist bastard and the only thing that really change is that now he and Kenny kiss.

Stan: Wow dude...that’s fucked up.

Cartman impatient: You guys can kiss my ass now! Screw you guys I going home....

Kenny: (Yeah, but first, can you guys keep this a secret?).

Stan: Yeah, but why?

Kenny: (I think my dad maybe not handle well that now I’m with a guy).

Kyle smiling: Yeah, If I was your dad I not handle well you dating a fat racist piece of shit like Cartman (he and Stan laught).

Cartman really piss off: THAT DOES IT! Screw you guys me and Kenny are going home. Come on Kenny!

Kenny takes Eric’s hand: (bye guys!).

The boyfriends leave. Kyle and Stan look to each other tryng to process what just happend.

Stan: You can beleve that dude? The fatass and Kenny are really together.

Kyle: No, Cartman just probally wanna prank us again like he always do.

Stan: But you saw Kenny kiss him....IN THE MOUNTH!

Kyle: Yeah yeah, but you remember that kenny eat dog poop one time for Money?

Stan: Oh.... good point dude.

End of first chapter.

[abdlbdsmstories]

Lost bet, lost dignity.

This story will involve nappy play, bondage, public humiliation,  sex, gangbangs, bondage and abuse. Not for the faint hearted!! Its a cross of nappy's and bondage. The story revolves around Sam (the humiliated), Tom (Sam's bf), Ryan (the gang leader) and a variety of his friends. The first part is told from Sam's point of view and then its told from Ryan's point of view. There’s a poker game, Tom cant afford to play so has to offer Ryan something in exchange for staying in... and the rest as they say is history!! It takes a while to get going but i hope its worth it!

PART 1

(Sam's point of view)

Tom was stupid. What on earth possessed him to try and take on Ryan and his gang at poker. They had been to Vegas and back and were proper hustlers. But Tom needed the cash and Ryan was willing to play him. There was a regular tournament at Ryan's pub but this time it was high stakes. £100 buy in, 100 players, winner takes all. Tom was flying in it, down to the final table and with 4 players left he was 2ND highest chip stack. Then in one fell swoop Ryan showed his prowess by wiping out the other 2 goons. So there it was Ryan Vs Tom. Heads-up. They hated each other with a vengeance after Ryan had slept with me. The game ebbed and flowed with Ryan pretty much buying the blinds. Then Ryan called Tom all-in and Tom couldn't resist.

   "Shall me make this a little more interesting, Tommy boy?" Said Ryan smugly.

   "OK..." Tom replied sheepishly,

   "I'm all in, plus a little added on top.... the pub as well..."

   "And what am i supposed to put in? I only got a poxy one-bed-roomed flat and a pushbike!" replied Tom,

   "SAM...for a fortnight...i and anybody i wish can do whatever we want with her!"

Tom looked at me and gave me the puppy-dog eyes! I nodded grimly at him whilst hastily signing a form the barman handed to me (which i would later live to regret!), I loved him and didn't want to let him down so the two men acknowledged. I hoped and preyed Tom had all the aces. I had heard of a previous poker game Ryan had played done exactly the same deal. The girl was humiliated and had the pics posted on the Internet. She was gang-banged, treated like a dog, made to be a maid and even nappied! I was nervous. Here i was sat at the bar of a dingy pub, surrounded by 5 of Ryan's mob wearing a low cut black top, my 32E breasts prominently on display and my white trousers accompanied by a pair of 6 inch high heels. I was a tall enough girl already at 5ft 10" but i felt domineering in these!

The moment of truth had arrived. Both men had showed there face cards...Ryan had AK suited, Tom JJ. The first three community cards were dealt, 9, 10, Queen. My heart was in my  mouth, the turn came a 6. The dealer flipped the river, the ace of hearts. My heart skipped a beat, my head dropped and there was a clicking noise. One of Ryan's mob had handcuffed me to the bar. Tom looked at me as i had tears streaming down  my face. i couldn't believe my boyfriend had pawned me in a bet and i was now at the mercy of this gang.

   "Sorry Tom, but a bets a bet..." Snarled Ryan with that perverted look on his face...."Bye..."

And with that 2 of Ryan's gang removed Tom from the pub. He really didn't seem interested that he'd lost me for 2 weeks more bothered he'd missed out on the pub. I on the other hand was terrified. I was sobbing uncontrollably, i could only imagine what they were going to do to me.

    Ryan approached like a blood thirsty animal. He tore my top away and fondled my breasts. As much as i wanted to hate it, i was very aroused as my nipples showed. He fondled me, pulled down my trousers and knickers and stood there with his gang admiring my body, my shaved pussy et al. I was then blindfolded, had a dog collar and leash attached around my neck and released from the cuffs. I was paraded up and down the pub every person in there giving me a good spanking before i was hoisted fireman's-lift style onto what felt like a pool table, flat on my back spread-eagle and scared.  A spreader bar was attached to my legs and they were hoisted into the air with just my back on the table and my bum horribly exposed to anything. I really thought they were going to use me but all i felt was a pipe inserted in my bum and a warm liquid filling my bowels. I knew it was an enema and as i was grimacing in humiliation i could hear the lads topping it up with pint after pint of fluid. When the pipe was finally removed i felt so bloated and at any minute was going to pooh all over the table but i wasn't given the chance. I had a butt plug rammed in me. The humiliation continued as my blindfold was removed and there on the table next to me was a packet of pampers nappys. As Ryan pulled a nappy out and unfolded it i could make out a picture of Elmo.

   Before the nappying began the lads took turns to pull a piece of paper out of box that went around, Ryan explained to them that some were just blank pieces whilst others had a specific task related to babying me! Lenny, a 6ft 3" coloured man with huge muscles had pulled out the 1st process. He strolled over to the table picked up a bottle of baby oil and with my legs still hoisted in the air i had baby oil rubbed over my bum and pussy. He took his time, sensually massaging the oil into my buttocks and pussy area with great pleasure. I was on the verge of orgasming but if i let go off an orgasm that butt plug would come out as well! Next up came Jay, 6ft very muscly and very aggressive with the powdering. He must have poured half the bottle between my buttocks and legs and rubbed it in vigorously. The next process was the dreaded nappying. Ryan unfurled it and placed it under my bum before taping it tightly across my bloated belly. I looked down in utter humiliation and tears began to well in my eyes. My legs were released and i was helped off the table and dragged by my leash into a corner and cuffed to the railing like a naughty child.

   Here i was, 19 years old, naked but for a baby nappy kneeling in the corner of a dingy pub smelling like a baby and in desperate need to the toilet. The butt plug was making me feel uncomfortable and i could no longer control myself. I broke down crying, i blubbered like a baby. This drew the attention of the lads who had returned to there drinking session. They uncuffed me and started mocking me,

     "Aaahhhhh poor baby. Does baby need her dummy? How about a nice toy to play with?" Jay commented pointing to his groin,

   "Or does baby need to relief herself eh?" shouted Ryan "Come on baby tell me what you want or else its back to the corner!"

   "I..I..." I really didn't want to say it but my stomach was aching and i felt like i was going to explode i managed to mumble...

   "I need to relief myself." They all laughed at me. They knew what i wanted but humiliation was there plan, Ryan replied

   "You need to do what? And you better reply properly Missy otherwise you'll be for it"

   "I need to pooh daddy's" I cried out hoping this was a horrible dream. It was then i just sobbed and sobbed. My mascara was streaming down my face, I was shivering cold and belly gurgling.

My wish was granted. The boys took me outside to the beer garden. It was basic, a few chairs arranged around tables and an old steel bath tub in the corner. I was stood in the bath tub while the guys arranged there chairs to get a good view of me. The leash was attached to the wall and i stood there. I managed to stop crying enough to look up at them. The horrible feeling i had was that this was a baby nappy, no way was it going to hold the amount of pooh i had in me. Somebody had brought a video camera along to film. I just knew where that video was going to go! The light from the camera blinded me a little and I couldn't see who was approaching me but i felt them fiddle with  my nappy and the voice explained,

   "Baby, your butt plugs coming out. But don't you dare poop yourself. We'll tell you when you can go. Understand?"

I nodded my head in agreement and out it was pulled. My nappy was readjusted. I was on the verge of poohing, the grimace on my face said a thousand words. I was struggling and could feel little by little seeping out. All i heard was,

   "5...4...3...2...1....go"

I just released myself. Wave after wave of diarrhoea filled my nappy. It was everywhere, all up my back, all down my legs oozing out of my nappy which miraculously managed to stay on. I must have had 4 or 5 massive pushes before i managed to regain myself and look up again. I looked into the camera and the tears formed again. Not before another wave released it from me. It was horrible. I looked down and was stood in about 3 inches worth of pooh. It smelt foul, like a sewer. I tried to clamber out but the leash restricted my movement. After the lads had finally stopped laughing and calling me 'shit-girl' or 'sammypoopoo' they disappeared inside to refill there drinks whilst i stood there accompanied by the sound of pooh dripping down my legs. 10 minutes later and the boys returned with more drinks and a bag which i knew contained the nappys.

   "Turn around shit-girl and spread your legs" Mike commanded. He had obvious got the job of having to clean me up. As i turned around and spread my legs, he grabbed at my very full nappy and ripped it off, it slumped into the bath tub accompanied by more pooh dripping down my buttocks and legs. Mike then fired up the hosepipe which was going to be used to clean me up.

   "Please wait....i.. i need to do something." I squatted down in the bath tub and to the sound of many giggles i weed. Once I'd finish the blast from the hosepipe sent me of balance and i kneeled in the bath tub. Mike continued soaking me and made me stand on all 4 fours outside the tub whilst he grabbed the sweeping brush and used it to clean my bum. It was painful, it scraped my buttocks and back. The rest of the lads grabbed sponges and buckets of water and took it in turns to scrub me and wash me down. Strangely, i found this kind of a relief. I felt loved and caressed. Ever part of my body was washed including my hair and face. Ryan then took control and carried me inside back to the pool table as it was starting to rain. HE left me there for a bit as he said his respects and goodbyes to the other lads who were going home. I over heard them say they would be back tomorrow.