#Love in the Air fanfic

[firstkanaphans]

For anyone that’s interested, my PrapaiSky smut fics are apparently super canon-compliant. So, if you want more PrapaiSky office sex in your life, click here. And if you want more power bottom!Sky punishing Prapai by not letting him touch, click here. You’re welcome.

[peachyrayne]

Safe (Phayu/Rain Fanfic)

Title: Safe

Summary: "Rain," Phayu demands, switching to that tone he uses when they scene, the hard, demanding one that makes Rain ache inside, and Rain shudders, the tears forcing themselves past Rain's eyes. "Talk to me, baby. Be a good boy and tell Daddy what's wrong,” he says sternly.

Rain whimpers. It’s that tone, the good boy, the reassurance that Phayu wants Rain to tell him that breaks Rain’s resolve. How can he not, when Phayu talks to him like this? How can he not, when Phayu is being Daddy right now. The comfort overwhelms the desire to stay quiet, and Rain gives in.

"Red," he gasps, a sob wrenching past his throat. His body feels like it's on fire as he squirms under Phayu, finally giving in to the need to get away.

Tags: Safe Word Use; non-sexual safeword use; not a scene but technically a scene; its okay to safeword anytime; Hurt/Comfort; Sensory Deprivation; Sensory Overload; rain is not okay but phayu knows how to take care of him; Trust; trust building

(Ao3 Link)

Notes: I've had this fic idea in my head for a while. I could just imagine Phayu would be very good at after care and knowing what to do when his sub safe words, so I wrote it <3

I cannot express all of my love and gratitude to everyone who helped me with this. Thank you to the discord for all of their support, to Khashana for beta'ing the original draft and helping to kick start my brain into solving the ending problem, and of course to imnotinclinedtomaturity for helping beta the final draft, and honestly kicking my ass. You always make me so much better.

--

It's been a bad day.

Rain's brain has been on overdrive since he went to bed last night. He hadn't slept well, waking up more times than he could count and never really managing to fall into deep sleep. His thoughts had been chaotic even in his dreams, and he'd woken up feeling like he hadn't slept at all.

He hadn't been able to focus in class all day either, instead tapping his pen against his desk erratically every few minutes until he caught himself and made himself stop, only to start up again moments later. Sky kept sending him irritated looks, but his touch was sympathetic the few times he reached out in an attempt to ground Rain.

By mid-afternoon, Rain's brain was a mix of muddled exhaustion and wired energy, making him even more restless. He could hear everything, and it grated against his nerves. His skin felt tight, unreal and unmanageable, until Rain wanted to rip it off of himself. He knows that by the time he gets home, he won’t have it in him to work on any of his assignments, but that he also won’t be able to rest with the weight of due dates hanging over his head.

He's nearly in tears by the time he climbs into his car at the end of the day, and can't remember the drive to Phayu's house, but the next thing he's aware of, he’s face down on their bed with Phayu sitting down next to him, a soothing hand rubbing circles into the small of his back.

"What's wrong, good boy?" Phayu murmurs softly, voice low.

Normally, Phayu's voice works as a soothing balm to Rain's frantic mind, but today the quiet timber just adds to the overwhelming noise in his head.

Rain whines in response, unable to manage words.

Humming, Phayu shifts on the bed, swinging a leg over Rain's back until he's straddling him, and gets to work massaging Rain's shoulders without a word. Rain wants so badly to melt into the touch, but he can't, and he doesn't know how to tell Phayu that his touch — any touch — hurts today. So instead, he keeps his mouth shut.

Phayu is doing him a favor, after all, something sweet that he doesn't often do outside of a scene, and even then, usually only after he's worked Rain hard. Rain should be appreciating the effort, whether it's helping or not, rather than complaining and asking Phayu to stop.

"You're so tense," Phayu murmurs, his voice still low, and digs the palms of his hands into Rain's shoulders harder, in a way that on a different day would probably melt the tension right out of Rain’s muscles. Rain lets out a groan, but it isn't from pleasure, and he's glad that he's laying face down when he grimaces into the pillow.

"My darling must have had a hard day," Phayu continues, leaning in close and whispering the words into Rain's ear. Rain shivers, and tenses even more, even as he tries to will his body to go pliant. "Let Phi take care of you now," he says, and presses a kiss to the sensitive spot behind Rain's ear. The spot normally sends sparks down his spine, but today it does nothing but make Rain feel on fire, and not in a good way.

Phayu's hands shift lower, still pressing hard into sore muscle, until he reaches the hem of Rain's shirt and pushes it up. His hands are cold to the touch on Rain's bare skin, clammy and not at all relaxing. Rain grits his teeth, willing himself to breathe through the sensation.

"Phi…" he mumbles, biting his lip the moment the word passes his lips. He can feel his safe word pressing against the back of his teeth, aching to get out, but he doesn't want to say it. He's never said it before, and besides, they aren't even sceneing. Safe words have no business in everyday life, after all. Rain doesn't know a lot about BDSM yet, but he knows that much at least.

He should ask Phayu to stop. He knows he should, but he doesn't want to disappoint him, especially not when Phayu is being sweet on him. Besides, it’s not that Rain doesn’t want Phayu’s sweetness, it just hurts right now, when Rain can’t so much as handle the lightest of touches. So Rain lays under Phayu and tries to take it.

The massage continues for a few moments more before Phayu shifts up and reaches for the bedside drawer where they keep some of their toys. Rain flinches at the sound of the drawer opening, something that Phayu doesn't miss.

"Rain?" Phayu asks, obviously concerned, but Rain just shakes his head and slowly unclenches his muscles. Phayu places his palm softly against Rain's side and waits a long moment. "Rain," he repeats again, more firmly this time. "Use your words. What's wrong?" he asks, his tone one of admonishment and command.

Rain whimpers. "Nothing," he croaks out, willing himself to sound calm, but even he can hear that his voice is shaking. He feels tears pricking at the back of his eyes, feels a lump forming in his throat, and holds his breath.

"Rain," Phayu demands, switching to that tone he uses when they scene, the hard, demanding one that makes Rain ache inside, and Rain shudders, the tears forcing themselves past Rain's eyes. "Talk to me, baby. Be a good boy and tell Daddy what's wrong,” he says sternly.

Rain whimpers. It’s that tone, the good boy, the reassurance that Phayu wants Rain to tell him that breaks Rain’s resolve. How can he not, when Phayu talks to him like this? How can he not, when Phayu is being Daddy right now. The comfort overwhelms the desire to stay quiet, and Rain gives in.

"Red," he gasps, a sob wrenching past his throat. His body feels like it's on fire as he squirms under Phayu, finally giving in to the need to get away.

Instantly, Phayu swings himself off of Rain, and climbs off of the bed. Rain feels blessed relief as Phayu's weight disappears, which only makes him cry harder because he's never wanted to be away from Phayu before. Phayu grounds him in his worst moments, but not today. Today, Rain feels like he's going to vibrate out of his skin if anyone touches him again.

Rain curls into himself the moment he's free, rolling onto his side and tucking his knees up into his chest until he’s as small as he can make himself. He wants to disappear as the sobs choke his throat, wants to erase this entire day, wants to go back in time and stop himself from spitting out “red”. he doesn’t want to disappoint Phayu. He wants to want Phayu on top of him, but he can’t. He just can’t, and it’s the worst feeling in the world.

Rain expects Phayu to admonish him, maybe tell him off for using his safeword outside of a scene, but that’s not what happens. Instead, Phayu says “Good boy, using your words for me.” He sounds strong and sure of himself, in control the way that Rain is not right now, and for the first time all day, Rain starts to feel soothed.

He whines at the praise, a mix of happy and confused, but his tears flow faster and he hiccups out a breath rather than respond. The inability to speak sparks more anxiety inside of Rain, and he squirms on the bed, terrified that Phayu will get mad at him after all.

He doesn’t.

“Can you be a little more specific for me, darling? Can you tell me what’s hurting the most?” Phayu asks instead, calm and most importantly — not touching Rain. Somehow, Phayu seems to instinctively know that touching Rain was the trigger, the way that Phayu always seems to know what's going on inside of Rain’s head, even before Rain knows it himself.

But when Rain tries to open his mouth to tell Phayu what hurts… he can’t.

He shakes his head.

“Okay,” Phayu acknowledges, and it doesn’t sound like a reprimand. He doesn’t press for more either, which Rain is grateful for, and for a long moment, Phayu doesn’t say anything else. Rain’s breathing is loud in his own ears, quiet sobs still escaping his lips as he tries to get himself back under control, but it feels impossible. Rain’s entire body is lit up in all the wrong ways, and despite Phayu’s calmness, there’s still fear sitting in the pit of Rain’s stomach that he’s done something wrong.

Gentle pressure on his knee startles Rain enough that he gasps, and he flings himself away from the touch as if he’d been burned. Over the sound of his own breathing, Rain manages to make out Phayu shushing him softly. “I know baby. You’re overwhelmed right now, aren’t you,” he says, and it isn’t a question. “I’m going to have to touch you a little bit to help you though, so I need you to trust me, okay, baby?” he says, and this time it is a question.

Shuddering at the thought of being touched, Rain almost shakes his head no, but then Phayu’s words catch up with him — trust and help and baby?. Rain feels relief swarm through him at the sheer knowledge of being known. Of being understood, even without words. And he does trust Phayu, more than he trusts anyone else in the world, even himself, so he nods his head instead.

Phayu hums. “Good boy,” he says sweetly. “I know that was hard, and I am so, so proud of you. I’m going to roll you over onto your back now, and then we’re going to settle down and I’m going to make you feel better.” The total confidence in Phayu’s voice works like a balm, and he finally starts to settle. He feels his body relaxing automatically, so attuned to Phayu and that specific tone of his that he just can’t resist.

Phayu makes a sound of satisfaction at the way Rain’s body has surrendered, and touches Rain’s knee again, this time more firmly and with purpose. Phayu grips Rain’s knee, and leads his body into a prone position on Rain’s back with the least amount of touch possible, and Rain is so incredibly grateful for it. His body follows Phayu’s direction without hesitation, and Rain feels his breathing start to slow down, just from that simple action.

His eyes are squeezed shut, and have been since he started crying, so it comes as a surprise when something heavy settles over Rain���s body. He inhales sharply on an aborted hiccup, and opens his eyes. Phayu is hovering over him, tucking a blanket in around Rain’s body with a look of absolute concentration on his face, and Rain realizes belatedly that it’s their weighted blanket. Instantly, he feels safer, his body relaxing further into the bed as the weight and warmth of the blanket seeps into his bones. While every other touch today has felt like nails against his skin, this feels like safety, and Rain feels soothed.

“Phi…” he mumbles, his voice coming out all stuffed up as he lets his eyes drift back shut. He wants to cry with how good this feels, and it’s easy to do when he hasn’t stopped crying from earlier, so he just lets himself go. The sobs are thankfully quieter now; less filled with fear, moreso of relief. It feels good to let go of the tension he’s been holding all day.

Rain doesn’t know why he hadn’t thought of the weighted blanket, but that’s what he has Phayu for, and he’s so eternally grateful as the blanket seems to settle right into his bones.

“Lift your head,” Phayu commands after another moment, and Rain does so without hesitation. Something soft settles against Rain’s eyes, the familiar presence of a blindfold, and Phayu ties it firmly against the back of Rain’s head. Rain lets his head drop uselessly the moment Phayu is done, and realizes that the white noise in the back of his head has started to recede. He lets out a shuddery breath, his eyes relaxing, and calms.

“There we go,” Phayu murmurs in satisfaction. That tone of voice is usually followed by the gentle sweep of Phayu’s hand against Rain’s cheek, or along his bottom lip, but Phayu doesn’t touch him this time, and Rain is so, so grateful.

“Last thing,” Phayu says after a moment, his voice low, so so low, and then the soft clasp of noise-canceling headphones presses against Rain’s ear.

The world goes silent, and Rain lets out a long, shuddery sigh. His body goes lax as his mind goes quiet, and he just drifts. For a long, long time, Rain just drifts. He can feel that he’s crying, tears leaking down his face from relief, but eventually that stops as well, and Rain is left with nothing but the peace of being calmed.

Rain should have known Phayu would know exactly what to do to help settle him. They’ve done similar things before with the headphones, something Phayu experimented with the first time Rain got overwhelmed with him – albeit in a different way. The blindfold usually works to amplify Rain’s feelings, but somehow Phayu knew that tonight it was going to help to reduce the sensations running rampant through Rain’s body. And the weighted blanket was so, so perfect.

Rain feels so good laying there, senses completely cut off, that he doesn’t want to leave the safety of this wonderful bubble. Rain doesn’t know how long he sits in total silence — the room dark around his eyes, and his body weighed down — before he finally starts to feel more like himself, but when he does, he finds it in himself to stretch lazily under the blanket.

He’s tucked in securely enough that Rain knows it will be difficult to unwind himself in the state he’s in, so he whines softly instead. He knows, deep in his bones, that Phayu is nearby. He wouldn’t leave Rain in a state like this on his own.

His trust is proven correct when a firm touch lands on his knee, and squeezes in what is obviously a question.

“Green,” Rain whispers on instinct, turning his head in the direction he thinks Phayu is and smiling lazily. He can’t hear it, but he imagines Phayu is chuckling indulgently at him, and it makes Rain squirm happily.

There’s another squeeze on his knee, and then the weight of the blanket starts to shift off of Rain’s body. He misses it in a distant part of his brain, but he’s also pleased to be able to move freely again when the blanket fully peels away from him, so he rolls over in search of the warmth of Phayu’s body. He misses Phayu’s touch, now that he’s calm, and he craves it deep within his soul.

Phayu’s hands find Rain’s shoulder, and he helps to urge Rain into more of a sitting position, re-shuffling them until he can press himself to Rain’s body, like he knows exactly what Rian had been looking for. Rain is confident that he did.

The blindfold comes off next, slowly but surely, until Rain is blinking into the dim lighting of the bedroom. It takes a long moment for his eyes to adjust to being able to see again, but when they do, the first thing Rain sees is Phayu leaning over him, eyes dark and warm, lips curved in a pleased smile.

Warmth courses through Rain’s body. He can’t quite grasp why he was worried earlier, but a hidden nugget of anxiety has been soothed by the look on Phayu’s face. He chooses not to fixate on it, instead reaching up to curl his fingers into Phayu’s shirt, just to anchor himself. Phayu’s mouth opens with an unheard laugh.

Phayu’s hands find the headphones next, but he doesn’t remove them immediately the way he had the blindfold. Instead, he taps on them lightly, another question. Rain nods, ready to be back in the real world, ready to curl up with his Phayu, and drift that way instead.

He wants to be touched, so unlike earlier, wants the reassurances that Phayu is with him and that – that –

Oh god. Rain safeworded earlier. He’d safeworded.

Anxiety slams full force into him, and he feels his eyes go wide as Phayu removes the headphones. Rain can feel his heart starting to beat faster, and some of that sense of calmness beginning to leave him at the idea of Phayu being mad, of being disappointed. He squeezes his fingers a little together in Phayu’s shirt, and stares up at him cautiously, the noise of the normal world just beginning to filter back into his head.

But Phayu just looks calm, not upset, or disappointed, as he stares back at Rain. Rain feels himself settle a little bit at that.

Phayu isn’t one to hide how he’s feeling. Phayu is always upfront with Rain. Phayu will tell him if something is wrong, he knows it.

“Hey, my good boy,” Phayu murmurs, leaning in close to nuzzle at Rain’s nose. Rain preens under the praise, and lets out a soft sigh. Yes, he’s still a good boy. Phayu’s good boy. He always wants to be Phayu’s good boy.

“I’m so proud of you today, darling. You did so well,” Phayu murmurs, breath hot against Rain’s face. Rain wiggles in pleasure, pleased that he did good. Yes, he’d safeworded today, outside of a scene no less, but Phayu doesn’t seem mad at him. Rain feels like the luckiest boy in the world.

It feels good to have Phayu near again, feels good to not want to rip his skin from his body. It feels good to know that Phayu isn’t going to yell at him, that Rain didn’t completely fuck up. It feels so good that Rain pulls on Phayu’s shirt, welcoming it when Phayu seems to pick up on what Rain is looking for and drapes his entire body over Rain’s. The sensation is similar to the blanket, but so much better now because it’s Phayu.

Phayu wraps his arms around Rain, and shifts them around until they’re settled more comfortably, with Rain still pressed underneath Phayu’s body but their limbs more settled against each other. The movement forces Rain to let go of Phayu’s shirt, but it’s okay now because Phayu is surrounding him completely, his scent in Rain’s nose, and his touch grounding.

“Better?” Phayu asks him, indulgent. Rain nods against his shoulder. He feels safe and secure in Phayu’s arms. “Good,” Phayu murmurs close to Rain’s ear, and leaves a kiss there. It lights Rain up on the inside, and he snuggles in closer to Phayu, wishing he’d do it again.

Phayu doesn’t kiss him again, but he does rub a soothing hand up and down Rain’s arm, and he does breathe quietly into the crook of Rain’s neck, a reassuring presence that reminds him Phayu isn’t going anywhere.

They sit in silence for a long time. Rain doesn’t need the silence anymore, but he’s basking in Phayu’s affection and doesn’t feel like he needs to say anything. His mouth feels a little bit cottony still from earlier anyway, so words wouldn’t come easily even if he tried.

Eventually, however, Phayu shifts slightly, moving so that he can look more clearly at Rain’s face, and Rain tenses at his expression. He looks serious now, somber almost, and Rain feels terror crash into him.

Is this it? Is this the moment that Phayu tells Rain that he screwed up, that he used his safe word wrong? Or that Phayu really is disappointed in him, and doesn’t understand why Rain would safeword at all?

“Shh, sweet boy,” Phayu murmurs, immediately recognizing the way Rain has tensed up, and reaching out to stroke Rain’s cheek. “You’re okay,” he says firmly. “But I’d like to talk about today.” Rain knows without Phayu even having to say it that it’s important they do, knows that if they don’t talk about it now, Rain won’t be able to think of anything else until they do, so Rain sags against Phayu’s body and nods his head, willing himself not to start crying again.

Phayu sits up, pulling Rain along with him before settling Rain into his lap so that they’re facing each other. Ran can’t quite manage to make himself look Phayu in the eye, though, so he stares at his hands instead, where he clasped them on Phayu’s shoulder when he moved them.

Phayu makes a noise of displeasure. “Look at me, baby boy,” he murmurs, but his voice carries command, so Rain does. Phayu’s eyes are soft as he asks “Are you afraid?”

Slowly, Rain nods his head.

“What are you afraid of?” Phayu asks patiently, but there’s something in his eyes that tells Rain he already knows. Rain wants to call him out on playing games, wants to pout and whine and beg Phayu not to make him say, but he knows from experience that that won’t work, so instead he swallows thickly and tries to make his voice work.

“I safeworded,” Rain eventually whispers.

Phayu nods. “You did,” he agrees patiently.

Rain swallows again. He should have known Phayu wasn’t going to let him off that easily. His fingers tighten against Phayu’s shoulders as he tries to force himself to say more. “But we weren’t scening,” he adds slowly, bottom lip starting to quiver. “And – and – you were doing something nice for me,” he manages to get out around the lump forming in his throat. His eyes sting with unshed tears, and he feels horrible, saying the words out loud.

Phayu seems to understand this, because he rests one of his hands on Rain’s waist, and reaches up to cup Rain’s face. His expression is gentle as he asks, “But why are you afraid, my darling boy?”

A sob wrenches its way past Rain’s throat at the term of endearment, and he lets out a pitiful little moan as he tries to get himself under control. “P’Phayu,” he cries, “I don’t want to disah-disapoint you!” he gasps, and tries to hide his face, but Phayu’s grip on him doesn’t allow for it, and Rain only cries harder. “Please don’t be disappointed,” he gasps around another little sob. “Please don’t be disappointed in Rain!”

Rain thought he’d run out of tears, but as he grips at Phayu’s shirt, he feels the sobs keep rising up in his throat.

Phayu’s touch on his face tightens as his thumb shifts to wipe away Rain’s tears. Phayu’s other hand rubs soothing circles into Rain’s hip as he sighs and leans in close. His forehead finds Rain’s, and he rubs them together gently. “Phi isn’t disappointed,” he murmurs very seriously. “Phi could never be disappointed in Rain for using his safeword,” he continues firmly, and tilts Rain’s head just enough for their eyes to meet.

There’s no mistaking the sincerity in his gaze. It makes Rain’s chest tremble with trust, but the fear sits heavy there anyway, and Rain doesn’t know how to make it go away. His bottom lip trembles as he gasps out another little cry.

“But – but –” Rain gasps. “We weren’t even doing anything,” Rain manages to get out, hiccuping at the end.

“Rain,” Phayu hushes him, stroking his cheek and wiping more tears away with his thumb. “I need you to listen to me now, okay?” he urges Rain. Rain does his best to nod, vision going blurry from tears.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Phayu explains soothingly. Rain starts to cry harder still, so Phayu releases Rain’s hip to instead cup both cheeks in his hands and wipe away his tears. “You were so good, Rain, telling me that you weren’t okay. You did everything exactly right,” he reiterates. For the briefest of moments, Phayu pulls back to press a kiss to Rain’s forehead, and then he’s back, foreheads pressed together, his eyes warm and sincere.

“Phi,” Rain whines. “Shh,” Phayu hushes him instantly. “All you have to do is listen. Can you do that for me, sweet boy?” Phayu asks. Still feeling completely unmoored, and more than a little bit confused, all Rain can do is nod.

“I think maybe I made a few assumptions about your understanding of safe words, and I shouldn’t have,” Phayu admits apologetically. “The most important thing I can ever teach you about safe words is that they’re made to be used.”

There is no question in Phayu’s tone, no hesitation or uncertainty that Rain can latch onto. He stares at Phayu with wide, confused eyes as he tries to understand what that means.

Rain doesn’t understand. He thought safe words were only meant for the most extreme of circumstances – for when Rain couldn’t take it anymore, and he needed Phayu to stop. He’d thought safe words were for bad doms who didn’t know what they were doing, not for doms like Phayu.

Phayu smiles at him, eyes soft, and presses one thumb to Rain’s bottom lip, smoothing over it gently. Rain shivers at the touch, and the sobs fighting to get out finally start to calm down.

“Safe words are about articulating that something is wrong in a quick and efficient way,” Phayu continues, his voice taking on the tone of a teacher. It’s familiar, and soothing, and Rain only hiccups one more time before he starts to calm. “Scening is all about communication, Rain. You tell me how you’re feeling all the time – in the way you move, in the way you touch me, in the words you say. But nothing is more effective a communication tool than using your safe word when you aren’t sure how to tell me what you need,” Phayu explains.

Rain’s brow furrows.

“But… we weren’t scening,” he protests quietly, his voice hoarse. Phayu nods, and reaches up to nestle one hand in Rain’s hair, rubbing it gently.

“No, we weren’t,” Phayu agrees. “But that’s the beauty of safe words, Rain. You can use them anywhere, anytime, for any reason, and I’ll understand that you don’t know how else to tell me that something isn’t working for you.”

Rain sits with that for a long moment. Phayu has always been so good at knowing exactly what Rain needs, exactly what he wants, and where to touch to make Rain feel so, so good. Rain hadn’t really thought about the fact that he’d been doing something special to give that information away. Phayu had always just seemed to know.

“But,” Rain starts, hesitating as he contemplates what Phayu is saying. He bites his bottom lip, and Phayu automatically reaches up with his thumb to pull it free.

“But?” Phayu repeats.

“But if safe wording means stop… and I told you to stop, today… and you did,” Rain says, trying to make the words make sense in his head. “It’s not that I don’t want you to never give me a massage again,” Rain eventually manages, pouting. Phayu smiles, and tussles his hair again.

"Oh, I know. We both know how much you love it when I take care of you," Phayu teases with his shark grin. Rain whines, and pulls back to slap Phayu on the shoulder, embarrassed. Phayu laughs, and finally releases Rain's face to instead wrap his arms around Rain's waist and haul him in, until their chests are fully flush and their noses are touching.

Rain's heart does a little flip.

Phayu’s smile slips away easily, replaced with a much more focused, serious look. “You know how I told you we needed to talk about today?” Phayu asks him, drawing both of their attention back to the matter at hand.

Rain nods his head.

“Anytime you safe word, we’ll talk about it afterwards. Could be immediately afterwards, or once we’ve got you settled down, or once we’ve got you somewhere safe, but we will talk about it,” Phayu stresses. “First and foremost, your safe word is about communication. Just because something wasn’t working today, doesn’t mean it won’t work tomorrow, while other things might just not work ever. That’s why we’ll talk about it, so that we can both better understand what you need, whether that varies from moment to moment, or day to day.”

Rain nods his head contemplatively. The tears have all dried up, and his head hurts, but he knows this conversation is important. He’d spent so long cluelessly leading Phayu around blindly through his own desires, and Phayu had done such a good job, but Rain understands now that he can’t keep doing that. They can’t keep doing that.

Phayu is always telling Rain to use his words, but he’s not sure he ever really understood before now.

“So…” Rain trails off, tilting his head down to avoid Phayu’s eyes, and then stealing a peek up at him from under his eyelashes. “You’ll still give me massages?” Rain asks coyly.

And Phayu laughs, jerking Rain into him and pressing sniff kisses all over his face and head. “Yes, silly boy,” he teases. Rain smiles, and curls his head into the crook of Phayu’s neck.

There’s relief, then, and it’s… good. Rain finds himself finally able to relax into Phayu’s hold, and he sighs as he realizes just how worn out he really is.

“I’m sorry, Phi,” Rain says almost as an afterthought – almost an afterthought, because it’s not really, not when Rain can’t help feeling bad for misunderstanding things so badly all this time.

“For what?” Phayu asks him, pulling Rain away from his shoulder to look at him with confusion on his face.

“Not understanding safewords,” Rain mutters in embarrassment. Phayu frowns.

“No, Rain. You shouldn’t be sorry for something I should have explained better in the first place. That’s my responsibility,” he insists

Rain pouts, not happy with that answer. “Well,” he pushes, “I’m still sorry!” It feels like he should be sorry, when he’d caused this whole mess in the first place, but Phayu just frowns again, and shakes his head at him.

“Rain,” he warns, the low tenure of his voice a shock to Rain’s already exhausted system, and he perks up, eyes wide. “It was my mistake. Not yours,” he presses, and Rain relents.

“Okay,” he agrees softly.

Phayu smiles at him, pleased, and leans in to press his lips slowly to Rain’s. The touch is warm, so warm, and it makes Rain want nothing more than to melt.

“Good,” Phayu praises, the words like a purr. He nuzzles Rain’s nose one last time, and then starts to shift Rain out of his lap. “Come on, up we go,” Phayu directs him, standing the moment his lap is free and offering a hand for Rain to take. Rain does, enjoying the way Phayu pulls him up off the bed. Phayu’s hand is warm in his as he starts to lead him from the room. “Let's get you some aspirin and some water. You’re dehydrated,” he explains, and he sounds like Phayu again, his domineering boyfriend who likes to take care of him.

Rain follows Phayu easily, already thinking about how good the water will taste on his parched throat. He imagines Phayu will get him something sweet, too, because Phayu always gives Rain something sweet as aftercare, and it’s always made Rain feel so cared for.

“How about hot chocolate?” Rain wheedles sweetly.

Phayu doesn’t so much as look at him, but Rain can see the hint of a smile pulling at his lips.

“Water first,” he orders, and Rain just grins.

[ella-norah]

Because @chaeul asked me about the reverse harem, I can tell about that story a bit. To be honest, I have no idea if there's anything I haven't told you about it, lovie, but I'm sure I can find some interesting fun facts.

Reverse Harem is an AU of Love in the Air, mostly named like that because my idea was that omegas are the ones who have harems, unlike alphas like in many stories. That's why omega Rain, who is also a prince in this story, will have his harem that includes Phayu, Pai and Sky (all three of them are alphas).

Because my brain loves complicating, or well overcomplicating, my universes that I make writing, the story idea grew. From just ot4 story, another 4 love stories are added into the mix and they're all going to be developed relatively paralelly.

The second storyline that I added is Chai/Heam/Saifah - mostly because I couldn't make a decision whether I'll keep Saifah's canon gf or if I do the ghostship that I very enjoy. It ended up as both, and a poly story for them, and it's one of my favorite things in the story, because I haven't done this anywhere else.

Then, I decided to add another of my beloved ghostships from LITA, and that's Phan/Ple. The girls are very dear for me, so I wanted to give them a story of their own. And because I couldn't simply include just one of Pai's siblings, without including the other one of them, I added Plerng/Sin, another canon pairing (they have their own book that's not translated in english).

In the end, I added Sig/Som as the pairing, because it felt right to add them and give some balance to the other characters.

After that, I just simply needed to balance all the stories, to give them all a uniqueness because I didn't want to make them all one and the same - as they're not one and the same, each character is different, and for some I have limited informations, but I am doing my best to develop them all in the best way possible.

Reverse harem is currently being written, and it's one of the favorite stories I'm writing.

If there's any more questions about the story, feel free to ask me <33

[surrealsunday]

Invisible Ladders

Sky lives by one rule: Alphas are assholes. It’s that simple. And Sky isn’t ever going to be the demure, subservient omega he’s expected to be… never again. That worldview is turned upside down when Prapai steps into the picture – or more accurately, saves Sky’s ass. He’s everything Sky expects – pushy, cocky, arrogant – and everything he doesn’t – genuine, forthright, kind. Sky doesn’t know what to make of him and can’t seem to escape him. And then there’s that small matter of biology…

Fic is fully written, just being edited/ getting social media completed. New chapter posted weekly. Fic is ~205k words

Epilogue

[suga4mycoffee]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: บรรยากาศรัก เดอะซีรีส์ | Love in the Air (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Phayu/Rain (Love in the Air TV 2022) Characters: Phayu (Love in the Air TV 2022), Rain (Love in the Air TV 2022), Saifah (Love in the Air TV 2022) Additional Tags: Rain is a Brat (Love in the Air TV 2022), Rain is Insecure, Phayu is So Whipped (Love in the Air TV 2022), Rain is Oblivious, Misunderstandings, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode 3 Series: Part 6 of Chasing Rain Summary:

Rain is hit with the reality of pursuing Payu.

Payu turns the tables.

(Episode 3: Saifah's warning hits Rain a little harder than expected. Payu notices.)

[poetry-protest-pornography]

It's Been A While

A SkyRain story about domming the homies and maybe being a little in love with your best friend, featuring supportive boyfriends Pai and Payu, and pre-poly negotiations.

Read it on ao3 here.

----

Sky recognized the signs.

Even when they were relaxing, Rain was antsy; fingers alternating between drumming on his knees and thumbing anxiously at his lip, eyes going unfocused and distant in a way that meant he was spiraling into something unpleasant. It made something equally anxious settle heavy and sour in his stomach.

Payu had been out of town for almost two and a half weeks, and Rain had been struggling to keep it together, Sky just wasn’t sure what to do about it. Not until now.

It’s been a while since they’ve done this.

Once Rain had Payu, and he and Prapai had gotten together, they had been careful to maintain some very carefully drawn lines, not letting themselves do… this. They both know the words for it, learned about how to exchange power with mutual trust and love together, had constructed scenes that gave them both what they needed, had let themselves fall into each other afterwards, overflowing with soft words and softer touches and feelings that they never had a chance to voice before Payu and Pai blew into their lives like the elements they were named for.

They’d easily fallen back into the way they’d been at the beginning, when they were still learning, a decidedly more platonic give and take when they needed it; mild punishments when Rain got off track studying, or got bratty at school, or overwhelmed when they were together. Rain on his knees, or providing snacks and small affections when Sky was the one struggling. Aftercare became less holding each other and more brief cuddles and hand holding.

They didn’t quite talk about it, but it was safer not to.

But now, Rain needed him, and seeing his best friend like this made an uncomfortable itch surge under his skin, a familiar need to make it better, to take control, to erase the sadness from Rain’s face.

Sky keeps his awareness focused on Rain, and slips his phone out of his pocket, opens a message to Pai and takes a deep breath as he types:

P’Pai, remember that thing we talked about, about Rain and me?

Read the rest

[tencrimes]

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Fandom: บรรยากาศรัก เดอะซีรีส์ | Love in the Air (TV 2022)

Relationships: Rain/Sky (Love in the Air TV 2022)

Additional Tags: Alcohol, Best Friends, Vacation, Bonding, Special Episode AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Jealousy, Attempted Jealousy Anyway, Misunderstandings, Drunken Shenanigans, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Switching, Voyeurism, No cheating, Resolved Sexual Tension, Minor Prapai/Sky (Love in the Air TV 2022), Minor Phayu/Rain (Love in the Air TV 2022)

Chapters: 1/1

Summary:

“I wonder if it will make them jealous to know we took those pictures of each other.” Rain pursed his lips and for a moment Sky was distracted by how soft they looked in a pout like that. So casually Sky was pretty sure he was feigning it, Rain replied, “We should really make them jealous. We could do more.” Sky narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?” “Like… maybe something like this.” Rain took Sky’s hand and placed it high up on his leg, right where the edge of the robe fell. They both froze and swallowed at the same time.   Special Episode AU; Sky and Rain take their trip together, but Prapai and Phayu don't come after them right away. With more time (and drinks) on their hands, Sky and Rain find creative ways to entertain themselves and get back at their boyfriends.

Notes:

Working title for this was 'Drunk Besties' lmao - still not sure if I should've changed it :) Title from Troye's Rush. Ever since we got stills from the Special Episode before it aired of Rain and Sky holding those drinks, this was what I wanted to see. I knew we wouldn't get it of course, but I don't mind taking matters into my own hands. Be the change and all that! Thank you to my girlfriend for her unceasing harassment encouragement and support <3

[moriano]

prompted on PaiSky discord server by @prapaiskymissinghours. the prompt was:

after all this time?

always.

it’s a very short drabble, around 300 words :)

after all this time?

Sky observed Prapai who observed him with that goofy smile on his face.

They lay in their bed, waited, a mess of limbs tangled together. Their breathing was slowly calming down after a crazily passionate good morning they’d just had, their hands tracing invisible patterns on each other’s bodies. Rising sun peeking through curtains, placing gentle kisses on Sky’s back, creating a soft halo around him.

Looking at Sky, his skin glowing, hair tousled, Prapai was awestruck, just like he was yesterday and the day before, and all other days for the last twenty years; the only difference was that he felt it stronger than before. Each day it hit him harder: how beautiful Sky was, how ethereally happy their life was, how fulfilled Prapai felt. Simply being able to wake up to his husband next to him and go to sleep cradling him in his arms, eating breakfast with him and their three kids—it was more than enough. It was more than he’d ever wished for.

His small perfect world, with his perfect Sky smiling gently at him. “You look like a love struck teen,” Sky teased with a laugh.

“Maybe I am.”

“You’re too old to be a teen, dummy. And so in love.” Sky rolled his eyes and placed a kiss on Prapai’s lips.

“Being nearly fifty isn’t too old! I’m in my prime!” Prapai pouted. It made him look a couple of years younger. “And I’m still so in love.” He looked at Sky like a hurt puppy. How could his husband even doubt it?

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Of course!”

“After all this time?”

“Always.” Prapai pulled him closer and bit his neck playfully. “Forever,” he whispered and peppered Sky with thousands of kisses, relishing in his husband’s happy, blissful laughter.

Always, forever, and beyond.

[peachyrainn]

watch rain fail miserably at trying not to fall in love with a man who wears sunglasses indoors.

i can’t help but think of you chapter 1 up now~

[halliescomut]

New PaiSky fic (and my other PaiSky oneshots)

So this clip prompted some adorableness. It's a bit of a throwaway line in the show, but it makes for a cute prompt and away the plot bunnies went, so I wrote a little oneshot.

He hugs me when he thinks I'm sleeping <-link

But then I was thinking that I'd never actually mentioned my other PaiSky oneshots, so I'll just shove them all in this post. My next one was also derived from discord shenanigans, and is technically part of our secret Santa, except I made the prompt and the fic so I'm probably skirting a few rules there. But either way it's a bit based on this scene from Ever After, at least in the actual action that it revolves around. But really it's just some holiday based fluff featuring PaiSky.

Stronger Than He Looks <-link

Last but not least, and also technically first, we've got our smut fic.

So the general inspiration for this was the boardroom scene kind of, but just Pai's general obsession with Sky's chest, and I think we can all agree that Prapai definitely leaves lovebites on Sky on the regular.

So I kind of was thinking, what if Sky turned the tables...you're gonna tell me that he wouldn't find this tempting??

We all know that's a lie...and based upon previous evidence, we can be sure that Prapai definitely would not be upset.

Exhibit 1 (of probably 1000 on the cutting room floor of MMY). Also, this one is rated explicit, could maybe be mature, but I have a very unclear idea of where exactly the line should be, so I always err higher.

You Have Only Yourself To Blame <- link

So anyway...enjoy. It's all pretty much just fluff, with a heaping helping of smut in the last one.

[firstkanaphans]

Could you please write 33 or 34 from the kiss prompt list for sky and pai please?

Of course!! Since I already have a whole PrapaiSky “I missed you” fic—complete with office sex and butt plugs!—I did #33 instead.

#33. soft kisses while cuddling in bed

Prapai had been watching the clock for an hour, scared that if he looked away, he might miss it. The anticipation was building inside of him like water against a dam and he was practically vibrating with excitement as he counted down the last few seconds until midnight. Then, as one day slipped effortlessly into the next, he threw himself onto his sleeping boyfriend, placing kisses all over his face.

Sky woke immediately, letting out a groan of protest, but even half-asleep and under attack, he stubbornly refused to open his eyes.

“What are you doing?” he grumbled, reaching out blindly to push Prapai away. “I’m sleeping.”

“It’s your birthday!” Prapai cried, hugging him tighter. “Happy Birthday!”

Sky, seeming to realize he wouldn’t be allowed to go back to sleep until he responded, finally opened his eyes to glare at Prapai, but try as he might to pretend to be aggravated, Prapai knew him well enough to see the smile hiding behind lips. “Are you serious right now?”

“Happy Birthday!” Prapai repeated, placing a peck directly on his lips this time, and it must have taken Sky by surprise because after a brief pause, he started laughing—which, of course, only egged Prapai on further. He resumed his kiss-attack as Sky laughed at his ridiculousness and it wasn’t until Sky grabbed his face and physically stopped him that he finally gave it up.

“I get it!” Sky cried, still laughing. “Thank you.”

Satisfied, Prapai collapsed back down onto the mattress next to him and nuzzled into his chest, wanting to hold. Wanting to be held. 

“Is that it?” Sky taunted, running his fingers through Prapai’s hair gently. “You woke me up just for that?”  

“For now,” Prapai agreed. Sky didn’t need to know about the hourly flower deliveries he’d scheduled, the restaurant he’d rented out for dinner, or the vacation to Bali he’d planned. At least not yet. But he did sit up so that he could look his boyfriend in the eyes as he said, “I hope you have a year filled with happiness and good sex”—Sky snorted—”and I hope you wake up every morning knowing just how loved you are.”

Sky’s face softened as he pulled Prapai down and kissed him slowly. “I really love you, you know that?”

Prapai smiled and kissed him again, but when he tried to pull away, Sky stopped him. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re the one that woke me up. I want a present.”

And so, with a smirk, Prapai deepened the kiss and gave it to him.

[narakasfuck]

sunday morning, rain is falling

read it on AO3

Pairing: PrapaiSky

Word Count: 1.3k words

Rating: General Audiences

Additional Tags: Domestic Fluff, Morning Cuddles, Cuddling in Bed, Sleepy PrapaiSky

Summary: 

Prapai wakes up before Sky does on one rainy Sunday morning.

Prapai wakes up with an annoyed groan at the sound of his morning alarm going off. The sound blares across the room a little too loud and too early in the morning for his liking. He immediately reaches an arm out for the said device and swipes a thumb across the screen to turn the alarm off, glancing briefly at the sleeping beauty beside him to make sure the noise earlier does not wake the said beauty up.

It’s a Sunday morning and usually the both of them would opt to sleep in longer since neither Prapai nor Sky has work or class to attend to. But Prapai must have forgotten to turn off the daily alarm on his phone before he fell asleep last night.

A relieved sigh emitted from Prapai's lips as his lover lying next to his side only snuggles further into the thick blanket in his sleep. Looks like his Sky is having one of the best sleeps in his life, that even the blaring alarm just now doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

Prapai shifts his gaze across the room towards the window with an unattractive yawn and his hand moves up to ruffle his messy bed hair. It looks dark outside, and he can hear the faint pitter patter sound of raindrops hitting his window lightly. Ahh – he thinks – this is nice weather to sleep in.

He stretches his stiff legs and rubs the grogginess off of his eyes before laying back down next to the sleeping beauty, body tilted to his side so he can face the said boy. His Sky has apparently turned to lay on his tummy with both of his hands curled into tiny little fists tucked underneath his pillow. His mouth slightly ajar as his face is squished onto the pillow. Prapai, very gently so as to not wake him up, brushes the strand of hair that’s covering the boy’s sleeping face and flashes a fond smile at the sight of his lover. His Sky.

Prapai is not much of a morning person, if he is to be frank. And his record of being tardy to the office more often than his secretary, Namtarn, would like can be the proof of it. It’s fairly rare for him to wake up before Sky does in the morning. But when he does, he basks in the sight of Sky being deep asleep, glowing beautifully like a literal angel even in his sleeping state. Sky had brushed it off as “nonsense” when Prapai had voiced this thought out loud to Sky a few months ago, but there was a hint of redness on the boy’s cheeks that made Prapai laugh in amusement before pressing a soft kiss onto each of them. Prapai finds it very endearing how easily flustered Sky is. His cheeks would instantly burn into various shades of red at the slightest compliment.

Today too, Sky’s cheeks are painted in soft pink. Prapai thinks it reminds him of peaches. But Prapai is pretty sure that this time, it is the cold weather that is causing the pinkness of the younger boy’s cheeks.

He rubs the pad of his thumb gently in circular motions against Sky’s freezing cheek, receiving a small contented mewl from Sky that is barely audible as it gets muffled against the pillow. How cute. Prapai chuckles to himself as he carefully scoots closer to Sky, watching the sleeping beauty with the fondest gaze.

Months ago, a peaceful sleep like this is not something that would come to Sky easily – Prapai muses internally to himself. Memories of a certain someone from his past would always come to pay him an uninvited visit, wandering around in his still vulnerable mind and haunting him even in his slumber. The clicking sound of the damn brass lighter echoes in the background as every painful scene that he inflicted upon Sky replays over and over again in his dreams. Prapai would wake up to the most heart-wrenching screams and cries he has ever heard. He can feel his heart practically shatter into pieces at the sight of Sky tossing and thrashing violently in his sleep. The back of his shirt is drenched in cold sweat and his pillow damped with tears as he pitifully pleads and begs for the devil in his dream to stop.

Prapai would jump into action in an instant. Urgently shaking his angel awake to pull him out of his night terror, and then pulling him firmly to his chest like an achor to reality. Reassuring Sky that he is safe now. Reminding Sky over and over again that he will not be able to hurt Sky. Never again in Prapai's watch.

These days, the nightmares have seemed to reduce significantly, much to Prapai's relief. It takes a while for Prapai to convince Sky to seek professional help initially, but once he does agree, things seem to work out smoothly at the end and Prapai is very proud of every promising progress that Sky has been showing after all the sessions.

Prapai is snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Sky yawning. He watches with a wide grin plastered on his face as Sky slowly blinks his eyes open, squinting them a little to get his groggy eyes to properly focus on Prapai’s face.

“Good morning, my angel.” Prapai whispers softly and leans over to press a kiss onto the tip of Sky’s nose.

“Phi Pai, y'woke up early t’day.'' Sky mumbles out, voice still thick with drowsiness that makes his words come out slurry. But Prapai knows Sky well, he's so used to his baby already that he can make out each and every word Sky slurred out easily by now.

Prapai hums softly with a little nod of his head as an answer. “Forgot to set the alarm off last night.” Prapai says, earning him a small chuckle from Sky in return. The sound is so infectious that Prapai can’t help but to laugh along with him.

Sky glances at Prapai for a brief second and Prapai parts his arms open out of instinct, in which Sky is more than happy to oblige so he slots himself into Prapai's arms. As the latter snakes his arms around Sky's smaller form, his heart bursts with giddiness at how perfectly Sky fits in his arms. We're really made for each other – Prapai thinks. You belong in my arms.

The pretty boy has his face buried snugly against Prapai’s firm chest by now, and he inhales Prapai's scent deeply with a contented sigh – a habit of Sky that Prapai will always find endearing. He vividly remembers a sheepish Sky stuttering his way into reasoning that Prapai's scent brings him comfort.

“Comfy.” Sky sighs out, making his older lover chuckle fondly. Prapai combs his lean fingers through Sky’s soft locks and proceeds to massage his scalp, making the younger boy yawn against Prapai’s chest.

They stay like that for some more extended minutes, revelling in the warmth radiating off of each other’s body that’s contrasting to the cold temperature of the room. Sky finds comfort in the sound of Prapai’s steady heartbeat against his ear. He remembers Prapai tells him that his heart beats for Sky. And it makes Sky’s own heart skip a beat. Prapai really has that effect on Sky.

The room eventually turns silent. They are still cuddled up in Prapai's luxurious king size bed, the only sounds audible are their calm steady breaths, and also the pitter-patter of raindrops slamming against the window that seems to be louder now, signaling that the rain is getting heavier.

We don’t need words, Prapai thinks to himself, as long as we’re together in each other’s arms.

Soon enough, soft snores can be heard filling up the room as they both finally drifted back to sleep, bodies pressed up against each other underneath the thick cover seeking for warmth while it is raining cats and dogs outside.

[wardog-of-the-endless]

Snippet Game (KimChay)

@polizwrites tagged me in a WIP Snippet Game! Thank you so much my darling. I might do more than one of these because I don’t think this is really your fandom BUT since it’s my Birthday I am DELIGHTFULLY answering this using a fic I am SO excited about. Backstory: I JUST WANTED TO SHOOT A MAN. But I played myself and have to write like 3 fluffy backstory/get shit together stories to take place in the verse before I get to shoot a man share what made me start writing in the first place.

It's My Birthday! Presents For You! Definitely don't send me a prompt or an ask or a game to get me to share more writing. Don't do that.

SNIPPET: That's Not How This Works (Under the Cut)!

There’s silence on the line, but Chay saw the phone, he knows. Knows there’s only one person that could possibly be calling him from this number, and the fact that they’re silent just seems to reinforce that knowledge. Isn’t that messed up? That he knows it’s his Phi by the silence?

Somehow it feels weighty, but not judgemental. There’s always been a presence to Kim’s regard, a significance. Chay can remember how it felt to have Kim’s eyes on him, the weight and the warmth and the press of something strange and magnificent and immense. Chay isn’t sure what to do with the fact that Kim is calling him just to sit in silence, can’t help but shift nervously in his seat as he comes to a decision.

"P'Kim?" Chay whispers, and it's all Kim can do not to sob at the gentle utterance of his name.

His hand tenses, further pressure on the wound at his ribs, clenching blood-soaked cotton over tender flesh. Tears spring to his eyes, though whether from that gentle greeting or the pain, he couldn't say. Somehow, Chay answering the phone felt more impactful than recalling the fact that he was swiftly bleeding out on a warehouse floor. "Chay."

"P'Kim," Chay repeated, less tentative but still gentle, hesitant. "Y-you called."

(( You can't walk away Then come back to what we were ))

It’s Kim that did that to him, that taught Chay cautiousness. Chay used to be so enthusiastic with him, so raw and unfiltered, impetuous and trusting. Now he’s been burned by Kim, he’s been hurt, and he’s reluctant to uncurl from the defensive posture Kim knocked him into… reluctant to bloom as sweet and open as he had the first time, to Kim’s everlasting shame.

***

[surrealsunday]

Invisible Ladders

Sky lives by one rule: Alphas are assholes. It’s that simple. And Sky isn’t ever going to be the demure, subservient omega he’s expected to be… never again. That worldview is turned upside down when Prapai steps into the picture – or more accurately, saves Sky’s ass. He’s everything Sky expects – pushy, cocky, arrogant – and everything he doesn’t – genuine, forthright, kind. Sky doesn’t know what to make of him and can’t seem to escape him. And then there’s that small matter of biology…

Fic is fully written, just being edited/ getting social media completed. New chapter posted weekly. Fic is ~205k words

CHAPTER 9

[litafanexchange]

Hi everyone, we are very excited to announce that signups are now open for the Love In The Air Fanworks Exchange 2022!

You can sign up by filling in the form here, and if you need any more info before signing up, you can always check the FAQs here or ask a mod here or on Discord (you've joined the server right?)

(A quick note for anyone who's a LitA fan but who doesn't want to commit to the event, you do not have to be participating to join the server and you are more than welcome to come and hang out with us!)

And finally, as this is a new event in a new fandom, we would really appreciate your help in promoting this! Even if you aren't taking part, reblogging this will help more people see it, and eventually lead to more wonderful fic and art for the fandom 💙

[lilmaemae]

hi friends, i published a phayu/rain mirror fucking fic!!! literally so nervous about it but also half proud - i've never written a) smut b) a fic this long ! anyways i hope y'all show it lots of love tyty <33