#Loss is never just one way if you know you bring value to something. I legit felt that yesterday for the first time in my life

[idontmindifuforgetme]

Reframing whenever someone decides to leave you out of something or walks out of your life or just all around neglects your presence not as your loss but as theirs…. like that could have been so much more fun w me in it but I wasn’t and that will forever be your loss

[gay-dorito-dust]

I’d die for you.

Viktor:

‘I’d die for you.’

‘Please don’t.’ He says almost pleading with you to reconsider after hearing you say such a thing, to be willing to trade off your own life for his own that was already on borrowed time, so wouldn’t your sacrifice be a waste if he was bound to die regardless?

He came from the undercity where loss was an constant occurrence and survival was the norm. So the idea of loosing you wasn’t one he’d warmly welcome nor want to endure as he’d only bury himself deep within his work, going to such lengths with the off chance that he could theoretically bring you back from the cold embrace of death,

‘You’ve got so much ahead of you Viktor.’ You countered. ‘So much to do to achieve your goal of helping others!’ You add.

Viktor moves to look at you from his workplace with a raised brow. ‘And so you automatically think your life is forfeit in comparison because of this?’ He asks as if to show you just how ridiculous it was to just throw your life away because you believed his dreams for the future outweighed the worth of that of your own life.

You stayed quiet as you could see the disbelief clear within his amber eyes as he grabbed his cane and made his way over to you to hold your hand in his long, slender and calloused ones as they caress the back of your knuckles. ‘For it’s not. No life is more important than the others solely based on what the person can give to others.’ Viktor tells you as sits himself down next to you.

‘Our lives are of equal value and I’d would much rather you’d live for me instead.’ He says with a small smile. ‘Do you think you can do that for me?’ He then asks softly, intertwining your fingers together. You smiled back at him. ‘I can sure try as long as you do too.’ You replied and Viktor let out a sigh of relief, squeezing your hand in thanks.

‘Then we shall live for each other.’ Viktor said but little did you know that he’d be lying and he wasn’t going to be staying very soon.

Ekko:

‘I’d gladly die for you.’

‘No, you wont.’ Those words might’ve come out more harsher than Ekko wanted but he wasn’t about to let you joke about trading your life for his own. He just wouldn’t.

Even now the idea of you being the self sacrificial hero made him feel slightly sick to his stomach. He was the one who should be protecting you, protecting everybody really and once his mind was made up Ekko was more or less an immovable object, never yielding and never budging from his ideals for nothing.

So to say he wasn’t liking the idea of you dying on him was an understatement. He didn’t like it for a plethora of reasons as he’s already lost enough people close to his heart, he wasn’t willing to have you be amongst them, painted on the mural by his own hand as he feels the guilt and grief eat away at his heart. ‘Promise me you won’t be reckless the next time we’re out on a mission.’ He gives you his pinky, something you two did when you were being serious about things.

‘Ekko-‘

‘Promise me you won’t.’ Ekko cuts you off in desperation, his eyes wide and his breathing becoming rapid and uneven the longer you didn’t immediately link pinkies with him like you usually did, it had him feeling as though his heart had dropped to his stomach. ‘I don’t want to loose another person I love.’ He adds and you interlock your pinkies with him before being pulled into his strong embrace where he buried his face into yours neck, not wanting to let go of you after hearing that statement leave your mouth.

‘I’m not ready to say goodbye to you just yet.’ He whispered into your neck, grip tightening on you as he feels you rub his back soothingly. Ekko wasn’t ready for the day he’d have to say goodbye to you and so until that day he’ll keep protecting you until he couldn’t anymore, for he’d rather see you move on forward without him, but if he knew you as well as he did then you would just be equally as stubborn to see him live another day.

So he’ll just keep ahold of you like this everyday when you were alone just to remind himself that you were still here and here you will stay.

Silco (young) :

‘I’d die for you.’

‘Don’t say such things, haven’t we suffered enough?’ He’d say as he has you by your shoulders, his grip tightening in tandem with the idea of possibly loosing you to all sorts of things, whether it’d be Zaun or the corrupt enforcers from topside. Silco wasn’t exactly willing to lose the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

It was a day he’d never wish to see pass him by as he didn’t know what he would do should he find you dead in the rubble from a something that was purposely intended for him, he’d blame himself and be left to seek solitude in the darkness and shadows should that ever be the case.

‘But it’s true.’ You’d reply.

Silco grits his teeth at your stubbornness but it was one of your defining traits that he deeply adored. ‘Well I’m not going to allow it.’ He retorted. ‘I won’t allow you to hastily throw your life away just because you felt like being a hero.’ He practically spat out the last part as though it were poison. Hero what the hell has being a hero ever done for anyone? Nothing that’s what and Silco would refused you at every time you got like this, not once liking the implications it left within his head.

‘Not a hero, just someone who cares enough about another person to be willing to see them keep living, even if it means dying in the process.’ You defended yourself, crossing your arms over your chest as you continued to look him in the eyes to prove your words true, but you didn’t need to do that for Silco knew well enough you were a person of your word, never once going back on it when you probably should’ve.

‘Heroes don’t exist in Zaun.’ Silco said as he rests his head against yours, looking you in the eyes. ‘So don’t try and be the first for I don’t want to be the one to make your mural. Don’t make me have to leave you behind. Don’t make me mourn for what we could’ve had.’ He pleads with you as you gently hold his face and caress his cheeks, allowing him the chance to rest his eyes and drink you in through your touch.

He didn’t like the idea of you dying before him, not one bit, so he’ll try and make sure that you survive together long enough to see the betterment of Zaun.

[callmeizukunotdeku]

I love the idea of parentified Tim Drake.

Bruce loses Jason and isn't ready for another son. Tim sees this, he acknowledges this, and he's okay with it. He's never really been a son to his own parents so he wouldn't expect the neighbor to start taking care of him.

When Tim's parents come home, they're not mean or anything, they just don't baby him. They treat him as an equal--as someone who knows what he's doing--and that's fine, because he does.

He's been taking care of himself for as long as he could remember, so when people try to treat him like a child, it angers him more than anything. The way that they assume just because he's young he can't take care of himself.

Tim's been to galas before, though. He's talked with Bruce and the man never treated him like he was incompetent. Tim's parents would ask Tim questions about the company so that he could recite them to Bruce. It was a song and dance he was well versed in, but he didn't really mind, not when Bruce looked at him with such a fondness in his eyes, always saying, "That's really interesting. You know a lot about your parents' company. Did it take you a while to memorize it?"

And he'd shake his head and say, "No," because that was the correct response, even if it was wrong.

Even if he had flashcards about Drake industries and kept up to date with perception of the company and the stock value and who the shareholders were and what they wanted and what they were willing to do to get that.

It wasn't one bout of work. It wasn't a single night of studying to make sure he passed the test, but a lifetime memorizing information and then rememorizing it when it changed.

So when Jason died and Bruce started getting bad, Tim knew what to do.

He was used to long term projects where it would be years before he actually got to see any result. He was used to seeing adults as people who he was responsible for, though he had to admit that the responsibility had never been that big before.

When Tim showed up at Bruce's doorstep, he was young, just like both of Bruce's other sons, but his eyes lacked that sort of naïveté and childlike wonder that should have accompanied the baby fat which persisted on his cheeks.

That's what made Alfred pause at the door.

There was a kid. A black haired, blue eyed kid. He was young, like both of Bruce's sons. His lack of naïveté was something he shared with both children, only Dick's had been a fresh sort of loss, one he was still mourning, and Jason's naïveté was something long-forgotten and left to rot. It was a feeling you smelt when you left the windows closed for too long.

Still there, still somewhere, but not quite right and never able to be found, only stumbled upon in rare moments of something that could almost be called joy.

Tim's naïveté is something he left at home. He keeps it on a shelf in his bedroom, something to look at when the going gets rough, but something too fragile to be held.

Maybe that's why Alfred lets him in.

That day, Tim meets Bruce--not Brucie or Batman, just Bruce.

He meets a man who's hair's grown long, but not long enough for it to have been intentional. There's grease in his hair and bags under his eyes and you can tell that he's been biting his nails.

He's clean shaven, because that's what people can see when he wears the cowl.

Tim takes a deep breath before walking into the room.

Bruce doesn't move, but Tim doesn't doubt that the man notices him.

The room smells like alcohol--a smell he recognizes from when his own father is home, though he can't say he's ever remembered it smelling so concentrated.

"Hello," he says, when he's right in front of Bruce, "My name is Tim, and I'm here to help."

Bruce doesn't say anything, but he doesn't need to.

Tim talks to him, slowly distracting the man as he brings him to the bathroom, first trying to put a toothbrush in his hand and then, when that doesn't work, brushing the man's teeth himself.

Tim draws a bath for him and grabs him a new pair of clothes, and tells him to take his bath, only leaving the room when Bruce finally stands up and starts undressing.

Tim takes care of the sheets, puts new ones on the bed, and goes to the kitchen, to find Alfred already making food.

The butler asks him if he's staying to eat but Tim just insists that he's not hungry and brings the food up to Bruce.

He knocks on the bathroom door, and when Bruce doesn't respond, he opens it.

Bruce is sitting in the bath, knees to his chest, crying, but not otherwise moving.

So Tim rolls up his sleeves and washes Bruce's hair, then keeps him company as Bruce washes himself.

Bruce finds it easier to get things done when there's someone else in the room--talking to him, giving him something else to think about.

Tim talks as he gets Bruce out of the bath and hand him a towel. He talks as Bruce dries himself off and gets dressed. He talks as Bruce eats the lunch that Alfred made him and he talks until he gets Bruce back to bed.

He leaves, voice hoarse from talking so much after living in an empty home.

He comes back the next day and does it all again.

Alfred doesn't know what he should do. He knows, of course, that Tim is young and shouldn't be taking care of someone at that age.

He also knows that Bruce is in no state to take care of himself and all of Alfred's attempts have been in vain.

Tim's talking was what got Bruce to eat his first actual meal in a week--not just popcorn and protein bars. Tim's presence is what got Bruce to bed.

Tim was what was making things better, so while Alfred knew he should put a stop to it, he couldn't quite make himself do so.

Instead, he started doing little things.

He invited Tim to stay for meals.

Invited Tim to stay the night.

It took a while, but eventually, Tim started living in the manor.

One month, there's only ghosts in the house, the next, three beating hearts.

One month, Bruce can only think of his son, the next, he's calling Tim his dad.

One day, Bruce crosses the line as Batman, and the next day, he has a Robin.

You know how things go from there, some things are lost, others are gained. Some things stay the same, others do nothing but change.

Bruce and Tim get better, but Bruce still thinks of Tim as his dad.

No one really pays it much heed, though. That's just how they are--nothing really to note.

It's Dick, though, who starts noticing something's off, because Tim never sleeps.

When Dick was first adopted, he had nightmares.

He'd remember what it was like to watch someone fall. He did not watch it from the ground, but from the balcony, holding onto a trapeze, moments away from completing his own jump.

It took him months to finally come to Bruce, tell him about his nightmares.

Though he was never told the details, he knew it was the same for Jason. He pushed Bruce away, insisted that he'd be fine on his own, but eventually started letting him in.

He never asked, but assumed it was the same for Tim. When Tim couldn't sleep, when he had nightmares, when he couldn't stand to sleep in an empty bed, he'd go to Bruce like the rest of them did.

It was a reasonable thing to assume, and it was a belief he only questioned when he got up in the middle of the night to get water.

That same night, Bruce had a nightmare. Bruce knocked on Tim's door. Bruce slept in Tim's bed.

Tim ran his hands through Bruce's hair, promising that everything would be okay until Bruce fell asleep.

Now that he knew to look for it, Dick started noticing even more. The way Tim knew Bruce's favorite food and the way Tim took care of the man's company so that Bruce had the freedom to do what he wanted. The way Bruce turned to Tim when he had a problem or wanted to be told he did something well.

It was wrong.

It was wrong and Dick was trapped because he hadn't noticed it earlier. Why didn't he notice it earlier?

Tim came to him first, asked him to become Robin again. Dick knew about Tim from the start. Dick was there for the entirety of his stay as Robin.

He was there.

So why didn't he noticed?

Jason sees him panicking on patrol and Dick just breaks.

He breaks down in his brother's arms--arms he can feel tightening around him as he tells him everything.

They talk about it a lot after that. Jason starts noticing things too.

They bring in Babs and start making a file--compiling evidence because there's always the urge to just ignore it. To acknowledge that Bruce is doing better than ever.

But that requires them to forget about Tim.

To let the boy take care of Bruce and not live his own life.

Because, now that they're looking, they can see how lonely it is.

How he doesn't have any school friends--he had to drop out to take over WE.

How he's grown apart from Young Justice--always leaving when Bruce is in trouble or needs someone to talk to, not able to bear the idea of what Bruce might do if left alone.

Because Tim knows he'll break.

Bruce needs someone to take care of him, and Tim exists to fulfill the needs of others, regardless of how much it takes from him.

So Tim goes and helps his son. He never talks about how tired he is. He has sleeping pills to fix that, and maybe he can't take them because what if Bruce has a nightmare and then he can't wake up Tim--it's unimaginable.

Dick and Jason notice, though, and they try to bring it up with him, but they're not sure how.

Not when Tim's gut reaction is just to start taking care of them, too. Easing their worries, telling them that everything's okay.

They want so bad to insist that it's not okay, that this is going to ruin Tim and he can't spend his whole life like this.

But they want even more to be held. To be granted that unconditional love and care that comes with being Tim's child.

So they try to say something--anything.

But then, Tim smiles. He opens his arms to them and asks about their days.

And they they try to tell him that not everything's okay, but Tim is smiling, and they try, but they can't say a thing.

[redvdress]

A/N: No warning, just comforting grumpy Levi.

“Shit, that feels nice,” Levi muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, though the usual steel in his tone was missing. His eyes were half-lidded, their sharpness softened by exhaustion. Rarely did he ever allow himself such moments of vulnerability, but with you (just you) it felt almost natural, as if the weight he constantly carried could be set down, even if just for a short while.

You smiled, a knowing glint in your eyes as you ran your fingers through his hair, something you’d learned he secretly enjoyed despite his protests. “You always act like you hate this,” you teased lightly, your tone playful, but affectionate. “But I know better by now.”

“Tch.” He clicked his tongue, his usual response to any kind of teasing, though the lack of edge in his voice betrayed him. “Don’t get used to it, brat,” he grumbled, his expression still fixed in that typical frown of his. But even then, there was something different in the way his shoulders had relaxed ever so slightly. “Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it, though.”

You continued with gentle, deliberate movements, your touch careful, knowing that someone like Levi rarely let down his guard. His entire life had been a fight, a constant battle for survival—first in the slums of the Underground, then against the Titans, and later against human enemies. His body bore the scars of countless battles, each one a reminder of the burden he carried.

“You’re really different when it’s just us,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper, aware that pushing too hard might cause him to retreat into his usual stoicism. “Softer, in a way.”

He snorted, a sound that could have almost been a laugh if it weren’t for the way he quickly masked it. “Softer, huh?” His eyes flicked toward you, narrowing slightly in mock warning. “Don’t go spreading that around. I have a reputation to maintain.” His voice carried that familiar gravelly tone, but underneath it, there was a rare warmth, something only you seemed to bring out in him.

You smiled at that, knowing full well how Levi valued his hardened exterior, the one that made him humanity’s strongest soldier. “Your secret’s safe with me,” you reassured him, fingers still threading through his dark locks. “But honestly, you should let yourself relax more often. You deserve it. If anyone does, it’s you.”

For a moment, silence settled between you, comfortable yet weighted. The tension that usually clung to him like a second skin seemed to ease, though not completely. Levi was someone who lived on the edge, always anticipating the next battle, the next loss. He rarely allowed himself to dwell in peace, because peace, to him, felt fleeting. Too fragile. Too easily shattered.

“It’s just… hard to switch off,” he finally admitted, his voice rougher now, as if the words had to be dragged out. “I’m always waiting for the next fight, the next crisis. Can’t afford to stop. Not when there’s still so much at stake.”

You nodded, your heart aching for him. For all that he’d been through, for the people he’d lost. Erwin. Hange. The countless soldiers under his command who had fallen in the endless war against the Titans. You understood why it was so hard for him to relax, why he felt that resting—even for a moment—was a luxury he couldn’t afford.

“But even you,” you murmured softly, leaning closer, “even humanity’s strongest soldier needs a break. You’re human, Levi.”

He scoffed, the usual harshness returning, though it lacked its usual bite. “Yeah, well, being human is a pain in the ass.”

You let out a quiet laugh, knowing full well how much he hated admitting to any kind of weakness, even if it was something as simple as being tired. But as your eyes met his, you saw the rare softness there—the vulnerability he never showed anyone else. Levi was a man who had spent his life hiding his pain, locking it away behind walls of indifference and sharp glares, but with you, those walls had cracks.

Leaning down, you pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, something that would have earned you a scowl if it were in front of anyone else. But here, in the privacy of this quiet moment, he allowed it. “You’re my pain in the ass,” you whispered, a gentle teasing lilt to your words.

For a second, the smallest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. A real smile. Not the sardonic, bitter kind he sometimes gave in battle, but something more genuine. “Damn right I am,” he muttered, his hand instinctively reaching up to grasp yours, though he said nothing about it.

The room was quiet, save for the occasional distant noises from the outside—a world that never seemed to stop moving, never gave anyone a real chance to breathe. But here, in this small pocket of time, it was just the two of you, lying there in a rare moment of peace.

Levi shifted slightly, adjusting himself so that he could pull you closer, his hand resting on your back in a way that felt protective, possessive, but also… gentle. “Thanks,” he muttered gruffly, his voice low, but there was a sincerity in it that you didn’t hear often from him. He rarely let himself be this open, this honest.

You didn’t respond with words. Instead, you simply rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was a reminder that beneath the soldier, beneath the hardened exterior, Levi was still human. Still someone who could feel, even if he didn’t always allow himself to.

For now, that was enough. You could feel the tension in his body slowly unwind, bit by bit, as he allowed himself—if only for a short while—to rest.

Tomorrow, the world would demand everything from him again. But for tonight, he could just be Levi.

[ahqkas]

could you please do how bruce would admit his feelings ? tysm i appreciate your writing so much !! :)

♯ MADE OF FLESH AND BONES ( bruce wayne ! )

— gn!reader, bruce is bad at feelings, fluff

© ahqkas — all rights reserved. even when credited, these works are prohibited to be reposted, translated or modified

BRUCE WAYNE isn’t someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. years of training, loss, and responsibility have molded him into a man who values control above all else. to be in control means to rule and to admit he has feelings for you is no small thing—it’s an intrusion to his carefully maintained barriers, a decision he didn’t make lightly. he weighed every possibility, every outcome, because for bruce, love isn’t a fleeting emotion that will pass like the summer breeze; it’s a commitment, a risk he doesn’t take unless he’s one hundred percent certain.

admitting his feelings to himself was the first, and perhaps most challenging, step. for weeks, maybe even months, bruce tried to ignore the way his heart beat faster when you entered the room or the warmth that spread through his veins when you laughed. he convinced himself it was just a feeling of admiration or gratitude for your kindness. but the feelings grew, unrelenting, until they were impossible to ignore. the realization came quietly, in a rare moment of peace; you offered him a genuine smile that felt like sunlight breaking through gotham’s ever-present gloom, and batman felt his high walls of defense crumble at the single sight

that’s when it hit him: he cared for you in a way that terrified him. you were not just someone he enjoyed being around—you’d became someone he couldn’t imagine his life without.

once he acknowledged his feelings, the war inside his mind began. he questioned whether he had the right to bring you into his world, a world full of danger, secrecy, and darkness. he’s haunted by the losses he’d endured, and the thought of you becoming another person he might fail to protect kept him up at night. he told himself it was better to keep his distance, to let you go for your own safety & good. but no matter how hard he tried to pull away, he was drawn back to you, like a moth to a flame

alfred, the butler for the wayne family, noticed the change in his master almost immediately. the older man’s knowing gaze lingered on bruce whenever you were around, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “you can’t protect yourself from every risk, master wayne,” alfred examined one evening, his tone gentle yet full of wisdom. “some things are worth taking a leap of faith for.”

the fateful night of his confession didn’t come easily. bruce had spent countless nights pacing in the batcave, the words he wanted to say circling in his mind but never forming fully. it took a catalyst to finally push him to act—seeing you with someone else, laughing in a way that felt too intimate, too close. the jealousy caught him off guard, a sharp reminder of how deeply he felt for you

it became impossible for him to hold back. his emotions, usually so carefully contained, spilled over like a dam breaking under the weight of a flood.

you were standing in the grand parlor of wayne manor, the crackling fireplace the only source of light as snow drifted softly outside the tall windows. it was quiet, the kind of stillness that felt almost like a prayer. bruce stood a few feet away, his hands shoved into the pockets of his tailored slacks, his gaze fixed on the fire as though it held answers to questions he’d been wrestling with.

“i’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he said finally, his voice low and steady, though there was an edge of something raw beneath it.

you turned to him, brows furrowing at his tone. “is everything okay?”

he nodded, but his lips pressed into a thin line before he spoke again. “no. not really.” his hands left his pockets, fingers flexing at his sides as if he was bracing himself for a fight. “i’m not very good at this,” he admitted, sharp gaze briefly flicking to yours before returning to the fire.

the vulnerability in his voice took you off guard, and you stepped a little closer, searching his expression for answers. for anything. “good at what?”

“talking about how i feel.” he exhaled sharply, his jaw tightening for a moment as he tried to find the right words. “i’ve spent most of my life . . . closing myself off. building walls to keep people out. it’s easier that way. safer.”

he paused for a moment, his blue eyes finally meeting yours, and the intensity there sent a shiver down your the valley of your spine. “but you . . . you’ve made it impossible to keep those walls up.”

your breath hitched at the back of your throat, and you’re not sure if it was from the weight of his words or the way he was looking at you—as though you were the only person in the world. his world.

“i’ve tried to fight it,” continuing, his voice dropped to a near whisper. “tried to convince myself that it’s better this way. that you deserve someone who can give you the life you want without dragging you into the darkness that comes with mine.” he took a step closer, his movements slow and deliberate, as if he was afraid of scaring you off whether it was by his words or actions. “but no matter how hard i try, i can’t stop thinking about you. about the way you make everything feel . . . lighter. like there’s still hope.”

his confession hung in the air, heavy and charged, as he looked at you with an almost pleading expression. “i care about you. more than i should. more than i ever thought i could.”

bruce hesitated, his hand lifting slightly before falling back to his side, his uncertainty so unlike the confident man you’d came to know. “i don’t expect anything from you. i just . . . i needed you to know.”

[true-lavender]

The beauty of Zhongven is that they've been married for centuries and when you have someone for so long you have your time periods of being so incredibly close and time periods of when you need some space from each other so I interpret their relationship as one of the open type.

Time to time they both go to other people but they always come drifting back to each other. Mortal lives are fleeting and should be cherished while they last. They, on the other hand, will have each other for all eternity.

Like, fuck bro, they introduce their partners to each other time to time and when they speak about each other they can't even mask the deep-rooted fondness of centuries so their partners sometimes have to do a double take and question whether they're witnessing a friendship or some irl soulmate bullshit. They're bad at hiding affection for each other so they have to evaluate which partners they're willing to take the risk of introducing.

Sometimes it leads to occasional threesomes or more... Gods ought to have some fun, you know And they value all their partners greatly too, even if at the end of it all they'll always find each other in a familiar embrace of one another.

Like, they didn't like each other at first. Or more accurately, Morax didn't like Barbatos because to him Barbatos was an enigma. Even while being surrounded with gods like Guizhong who had their fair share of unorthodox ways of rulership, Barbatos was completely and utterly different. He claimed he had given his nation freedom but to Morax it seemed like nothing more nor less than abandonment of a cowardly or lazy God.

So when he showed up in Liyue Harbour purely to invite Morax for a drink, he was flabbergasted and kept searching for Barbatos' true intentions. Which turned to be futile because for some reason, this weak and irresponsible God had been telling the truth and kept fleeting around Liyue purely for entertainment and morax' company. And no matter how much he denied it, he couldn't help the feeling of fondness whenever the wind tides in Liyue turned and Mondstadt's god of freedom descended to his abode with another drinking invitation. Or simply a request to walk among the humans, just them in the crowd of strangers. Of 'his children' as Barbatos has cheerfully proclaimed them to be with deep fondness straight from his hearth. Morax' children. And he thinks faintly that somehow, even if Barbatos officially has nothing to do with Liyue, they are his children too. He had never before thought of his people like that. But it fits. Painfully so.

So how could one not grow terribly fond of a god who manages to bring out the best in everything he frets around?

As time passes they both face losses, in from of friends, acquaintances, fellow archons, their people, their children, and Morax terribly dreads the day he'll find himself alone, when the wind of his mental stability will cease playfully spinning around him and be laid down to rest, replaced by some other soul who, no matter how much it'll strive to do so, will never be able to reach even close to the warmth of Barbatos' words and actions, whose winds will bring nothing but pain accompanying memories.

The cataclysm is the first time in all of the long years of companionship that he clearly sees Barbatos break down. He can't blame him, he has a feeling that much like he himself, Barbatos is weighted down by the same worries. They're just pawns to celesties, now the last remaining archons of the original seven. Two lonesome souls left alone in this world.

He knows he wouldn't be able to bear losing Barbatos too and he suspects Barbatos is much the same.

They find solace in each other's company, much like always, but there's something different to it. They're the last two. The only remaining ones. And Morax knows he'll hold onto Barbatos not only for how long the Celestia will allow him to, but beyond that. They're complete with each other, no matter how much time it'll pass before they see one another again, no matter who gets to warm their way to their hearts in the meantime, they'll always end up in an embrace of soothing winds and stable rocks, support to many and to each other.

And if anyone intends to take the blessing that is Barbatos away from this world, they'll have to suffer Morax' wrath first.

[anemicjellyfish]

Random theorizing and/or speculation post idk.

So I've said it before and I'll say it again. Helluva Boss is pretty damn good at "Show, Don't Tell."

While it isn't entirely devoid of expositional dialogue, it really doesn't seem like they rely on it heavily. Even with a few heart-to-heart moments between characters like Blitzø & Fizzarolli in Oops and Loona & Octavia in Seeing Stars, big dialogue exchanges are kept to a minimum. Character development happens over time and through on-screen events rather than sitting down and talking it all out.

This, combined with the show's tendency to both 1, let events come full-circle and 2, show generational trauma as a way to let characters break free of the molds set for them, is why I think Octavia might get the "Stolas Experience" soon.

Now, I love Octavia. If I could pick a character to make sure the writing team doesn't traumatize, it's her. (This is a No Hate Zone for Octavia and Stolas btw.)

What I mean is that Octavia seems to have been kept from the same expectations that were put upon Stolas his whole life. She appears to make her own choices and express herself in ways that Stolas wasn't allowed. I have a feeling that, now that she is with her mother and uncle, she will be held to a similar standard as her father (at least until she's of age, which is likely 18).

I feel like minimal expositional dialogue will come in to bridge the gaps in her knowledge. Octavia getting told she's "just like her father" as an insult when she's not adhering to new standards.

To bring it to a head, I also like to speculate that Stella will try to arrange Octavia a marriage of her own. When Via pushes back on this, the "just like your father" line may come back. I also think Stella will deliver the final nail in the coffin of Octavia's opinion of her parent's marriage here.

My personal headcanon of the line is something like: "oh, for fuck's sake, Via. All Goetia marriages are arranged. It's not like Stolas and I ever loved each other. *laughter* Andrealphus, could you imagine? Stolas and I in love?! How ridiculous..." (mocking fades into the background as Via processes what she just heard) But this is just fanfic-level stuff that plays in the background of my brain.

Now, to skip ahead just a little. There are very few characters for Octavia to turn to. The most likely candidate for a lot of us is Loona. It makes sense, as they've already shared some screentime & Octavia got some solid advice then. And I don't disagree at all. It's a good choice.

But I like to think Octavia has something in common with someone she despises, but who could never hold hate in his heart for her.

Blitzø and Octavia have some unlikely common ground in severing connections with those they care about most through an emotional response to feeling unloved.

Octavia's song "I Will Be Okay" uses fire imagery to burn photographs to symbolize her readiness to cut off contact with her father after she came to the conclusion that he never loved her.

Blitzø set a literal fire unintentionally when his own father valued Fizzarolli over him, and likely felt that Fizz would never love Blitzø in return.

While the parallel between them isn't completely perfect, Blitzø is uniquely suited to understand a teenager who is scared, alone, and feels unloved.

We know a good deal about the circus fire, but Blitzø really hasn't spoken about it to anyone. It's unclear if he ever went into detail about it to Fizz, and he only vaguely referred to it being "traumatic" when Stolas brought up Blitzø's love of horses.

I personally like to think that Octavia will be the one Blitzø tells about it all. I think he'll obscure the details of a teenage crush to stay on-topic. But the loss of a loving parent (Blitzø's mom/Stolas) and being left with a horrible one (Blitzø's dad/Stella) is something that connects them in ways that both of them don't realize yet.

This doesn't have to fix things. Confronting traumatic events doesn't mean those events no longer happened. Blitzø carries the physical scars of his past with him everywhere he goes, and the emotional pain doesn't always heal without leaving scars of its own.

Octavia could slowly rebuild her relationship with her dad over time. It's not impossible yet. But she is slowly gaining an understanding of how things work in Goetic society; she will likely know soon that she was only born to be an heir out of precaution. So a part of her is always going to be the teenage girl who needs reassurance that she's loved, that she isn't the obligation that she thinks she is.

Sorry for another incomplete post. My thumb is hurting at the knuckle because I over-extended it the other day and it's hard to type on my phone with just one thumb.

[ripdragonbeans]

Love In The Darkest Of Places // modern!Aemond x Reader

Chapter 6: Meeting Her

Summary: You meet Professor Alys Rivers for the first time over dinner.

Warnings: angst

A/N: @exitpursuedbyavulcan is the best beta ever

Chapter 5 // Chapter 7

Aemond’s apartment was just like you thought it would be: simple and to the point. There were few knick-knacks but the ones that held a great deal of value to him. What you noticed, however, was the lack of photos of you and him. In his dorm, there had been countless photos of the two of you decorating the walls. You were absent here.

You sat next to Aemond on the couch in the living room. Not too close though, as much as you wanted to, you couldn't be so close to him without breaking down in your loss.

“I started seeing Alys about two months ago,” Aemond said. He played with his fingernails as he told you his story. “I was lonely and she was nice. She helped me with my work and would actually hold a conversation with me instead of turning away. Alys… filled something that was missing in me, and I welcomed that.”

Aemond’s words stung you to the core. This was all your fault. If you hadn't run away, he wouldn't be with Professor Rivers. “So…Alys.” Her name tasted like coal on your tongue. “You love her?”

He blushed and turned away. “I don't know. I care for her, and she makes me happy. It's nothing like what I felt for you, though.”

Felt. Past tense.

“Why did you come over here, anyway?” He asked you.

It was your turn to blush. “I just…uh...” you didn't know what to say. “I missed you, honestly. I asked Helaena to bring me to you.”

“Oh, okay, cool,” he shrugged. Then he gave you a small smile.

Oh, gods, a smile. You thought you'd never receive one again. “I was stupid,” you blurted. “I came back to tell you I was stupid and I want to give us a chance.”

Aemond blanched. “Oh. That's… oh.”

Silence fell between you.

“I'm so sorry, but I'm with Alys now,” he said carefully. “And I waited for you. I waited for you for years, and you kept denying me, so I decided to move on.”

Tears brimmed in the corners of your eyes. “Is there anything I can do to make this better? To make us better?”

“Support me and Alys. That's the best thing that you could do for me, honestly. I really like her, and I don't want her to get in trouble for being with me. Once we graduate, we’ll be able to be with each other openly, but right now, we need to be quiet about it,” he said. “And I hate it. I really do. I hate having to be quiet about someone I care about.”

“Support you and Alys,” you echoed. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Maybe,” Aemond said hesitantly, “maybe… you’d like to meet her?”

Your eyes widened. There was nothing you wanted to do less than meet her. Could you even do it? Meet the woman who now holds Aemond’s heart? It seemed impossible. Meeting her would mean that you would have to accept that Aemond has moved on.

“Sure, I’d love to,” you said instead.

It was Aemond’s turn to be surprised. “Are you sure? You don’t have to lie to me. I know it would be painful for you.”

“The pain I would feel is nothing compared to what you went through the last many years. I’m sure I can handle it.”

Aemond smiled. It was a true smile. He was genuinely happy. “That’s great, I’ll tell her and we can work out the details.”

“Tell me about her,” you said before you could stop yourself. Wondering what he saw in her was killing you from the inside out.

“She sees me,” he stated simply. “She sees me in a way no one else does. Alys doesn't find my eye patch scary or unsettling. She sees me for me, and I haven't had that since… well, since you left.”

“Aemond, I'm so sorry I left.” You covered his hand with yours.

He didn't pull away.

“I will never leave you again, this I promise. Together forever, Aemond. I made a mistake, and I've never regretted something so much.”

“I told Alys about you. That you're my best friend. She doesn't know that I told you about her. She wants everything to be quiet between us.” He took a breath. “If the school finds out we're seeing each other, she could lose her job. I don't want that for her. You have to keep this secret,” he reiterated.

“I will. I promise it.”

You met Alys the next week. Aemond told you that Alys would take both of you out for dinner at a fancy restaurant called Harrenhal. Unsure of what to wear, you put on a blouse and a jacket paired with nice jeans. Of course, your necklace adorned your collarbone. Nothing too fancy, but not exactly casual either. As you sat in Helaena’s car, nerves tingled all throughout your body.

“I don't want to do this,” you whispered.

Helaena glanced at you, sadness in her eyes. “I know you don't, but it's for the best. I'm so sorry this happened.”

You took a shaky breath. “I did it to myself, Hel.”

“You can do this,” was the last thing she said before you exited her car.

The first person you noticed was Aemond. His silver blond hair was tied up in a bun with a few strands framing his face. He looked uptight, too tense, like something big was going to happen. Seeing him like this made your stomach drop. This wasn't him. He wasn't always this tightly wound.

Next to him was Professor Rivers. Her raven black hair cascaded down her shoulders. Her lips were painted a deep red, and her smokey eyeshadow made it pop even more.

Jealousy coursed through you when you saw her holding his hand. That should be you. Not her.

“Hey, Aemond,” you gave a smile.

His eye lightened when he saw you but only gave you a nod. Your face dropped when he didn't give you his usual smile. When he saw your reaction, he quickly rectified it with a smaller smile. Not his usual one when he saw you but it would have to do.

“So you’re the best friend,” Alys said. “Nice to meet you. I’m Alys Rivers.” She held out a hand for you to shake.

“I know who you are,” you blurted. “I mean,” you cleared your throat. “I mean, I attend the university, Professor Rivers.”

“Oh, Aems didn’t tell me that.” She gave him a side-eye.

Aems. That was your nickname for him, not hers.

Aemond looked at her sheepishly. “She's my best friend, I had to tell her.”

“You didn't have to tell her,” she bit back.

You were quick to come to Aemond’s rescue. “I won't tell anyone, I promise.”

“Hm. Okay.” Alys turned around and led you and Aemond to an open table.

You followed her dutifully as though you had no other option. Alys smiled at the owner of the restaurant as she passed him.

“Ah, Mr. Strong, how nice to see you,” she said before she kissed his cheek.

“Ms. Alys,” he cooed. “It's always great to have you here. Table for two, I presume?”

“Actually, three this time. My new man wanted to introduce me to his…friend.” She said it as though she was less than excited to have this dinner. “And I figured where else would be better than here at Harrenhal?” She gave a dainty laugh and turned to you and Aemond. “Come.”

After twists and turns around tables, Alys finally led you to an empty one. Harenhall was a busy restaurant. Patrons were coming in and out constantly, and they were all dressed their best. You looked down at your jacket and jeans combo and tried to hide behind Aemond. Instinctively, you reached for his hand, but Alys caught you and sent a glare your way. Recoiling immediately, you tucked your hands into your pockets and tried not to cry. There was no way Aemond was actually into this woman. She was so… cold.

When Alys sat down, she patted the chair next to her as though Aemond was a dog to be called. Cheerfully, Aemond sat down next to her and pressed a chaste kiss on her cheek. Alys smiled before taking Aemond’s chin in her hand and devouring him in a harsh kiss. You stood there, unable to move, completely at a loss of words.

Aemond, your best friend, your love, was just pulled into a hot make-out session with his professor/girlfriend in the middle of a fancy restaurant. After a minute of watching them and holding back tears, you coughed awkwardly and sat down.

Alys let out that dainty laugh when she separated from Aemond. “I'm sorry, I just can't get enough of him,” she smiled.

Aemond was flushed, his shirt slightly ruffled. He didn't look at you. He looked straight past you in bliss.

Alys coughed. “So, tell me about yourself, best friend of my handsome man.”

“I'm a senior at the university, much like Aemond. We've known each other since we were children and have been close ever since. We've been together through thick and thin.” You didn't know why you were going into how close you and Aemond used to be. It was almost as though you wanted to tell her that she will never be what you are to him. “I was there when the big accident happened and I've always been by his side. I -”

“Now, I'm going to stop you right there,” Alys said coldly. “You are lying. At least partly. You're not as close as you said you were. If you were then Aemond must be lying to me. But, I would believe him over you any day. You're not close. Maybe you were once, but not now. No, from what he's told me, you two have drifted far apart.” She laughed. “You didn't even know he moved! Not quite best friend-like, don't you think?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes, Aemond and I have grown apart, but I still care for him.”

Alys gave you a mocking pout. “You're not his best friend, not anymore, sweetie. That's my role now.”

You gaped at her. “Aemond, you're going to let her talk to me like this?”

Aemond just stared at you. “She's telling the truth, isn't she? We haven't been close since… since you left.”

“And since you left, it was me who came in to save him,” Alys chimed in. “Oh, and what was that little phrase you two say to each other, Aemond?”

Aemond told her?

“Together forever,” he mumbled.

“Yes, that. I don't think you should be saying that to him anymore. You're not a couple. That's me and him. Not you. You broke that promise when you left him.”

After holding back the tears for so long, some finally slipped out. You didn't want to give Alys the satisfaction of your tears, but you couldn't stop them.

“And your necklace. It looks like the sapphire Aemond has.”

You gasped. She's seen Aemond’s sapphire? Does that mean that they’ve… no. You refused to think about it.

“Maybe you shouldn't wear it anymore. If anyone knew what it was they would get the wrong idea. Oh! I have a better one.” Alys smiled cruelly. “You give that necklace to me and all will be okay. Do you know how much it probably hurts him to see you wear a promise that you never followed through with?”

“No!” You all but shouted. Covering the necklace with your hand, you pressed it close to your chest. “It's mine,” you growled. “And yes, I made mistakes that hurt Aemond, but I refuse to be thrown out like I'm nothing.”

“Oh, sweetie, he's not even helping you.”

You looked at him. “Aemond, please,” you begged.

“I'm sorry, but Alys is right. We haven't been close in a long time. I won't make you give your necklace, that's yours. But… we do need to stop saying ‘together forever.’ That’s me and Alys now,” he said.

As you shook your head, more tears fell. “This was never supposed to be a nice dinner, was it?”

Alys sighed. “Well, it was. Then you went and spewed all that shit about being so close with Aemond. I won't stand for that bull. You hurt him. A lot from what he's told me. If it were up to me, I'd cut you off completely, but Aemond doesn't want that. He still values your friendship despite the shit you've put him through.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. “I'll leave.” You took one last look at Aemond, one last goodbye, but he wouldn't even meet your eyes. “Goodbye.” You got up silently and pushed your chair in. Keeping your head held high didn't even cross your mind.

“It's better this way,” you heard Alys say. “She’s not good for you. I am.”

“I was gone for maybe thirty minutes. What happened?” Helaena asked.

You had called her as soon as you left the restaurant. Of course, the weather matched your mood; it was raining. You let the rain wash over you and mingle with your tears.

“He's gone. I'm dead to him, Hel,” you told her. “Please come and pick me up. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere.”

“Stay on the phone with me. I don’t want to leave you alone. I should be there in a few minutes,” Helaena said. “Tell me your full name, where you are, and one thing for each sense.”

She was trying to ground you. Helaena knew you almost as well as Aemond. That thought made its way to the front of your mind and fresh tears ran down your face. You sniffled into the phone.

Helaena’s voice danced in your ear. “Stay with me. Your full name, where you are, and list one thing you can feel, two you can smell, three you can hear, and four you can see.”

After taking a shaky breath, you gave her your full name. “I’m outside Harrenhal,” your voice caught at the name of the restaurant, causing you to whimper. “I can feel the rain running down my body. I smell food and wet pavement. I can hear cars passing by, people talking, and the splashing of puddles as people walk. I can see the rain, the wet trees along the sides of the sidewalk, a colorful umbrella keeping a lady dry, and your blue car pulling up to pick me up.” You smiled a watery smile as Helaena got out of the car and wrapped you into a hug.

“You’re going to be okay. Let’s get you home.”

Getting into the car was difficult. Your body didn’t want to move. Eventually, you were able to make it in. Normally, when you’re in a car, you look out the window. That wasn’t the case this time. You refused to look at the place where your heart was torn out. So instead, you closed your eyes and leaned against the window as Helaena drove off. If you had looked out the window, you would have seen Aemond, watching you leave.

The drive home was silent except for your occasional sniffles. You couldn’t stop crying. Every time you thought you were done, a new thought would enter your head and a new wave of tears would begin its flow.

Once Helaena pulled up at the apartment, she opened the door for you and helped you out. You were completely numb. You didn’t want to do anything. Nothing felt right anymore. You had no energy.

Once you were in the apartment, Helaena walked you to your bed. She helped you out of your soaked clothes and carefully got you in your pajamas. Once you were in new clothes she wrapped you up in blankets. “I’ll be right back,” she said before she left the room.

Alone, your thoughts spiraled.

He hates you.

He chose someone else over you.

And that someone has convinced him that everything you’ve been through was fake.

Helaena returned with a cup of hot chocolate. She encouraged you to hold it and take a sip. “Tell me all what happened,” she gently said.

“I met Alys,” you said between sniffles. “She’s so cold and fake. I don’t know what Aemond sees in her. She’s manipulating him. I know she is. How? I don’t know.” You took a sip of your hot chocolate. It was warm, and a feeling of comfort washed over you. “She basically told me I needed to stay away from him; that I’m not his best friend anymore. She tried to take my necklace, Hel!”

“She what?”

“She told me that wearing the necklace hurt Aemond and that I should give it to her instead.”

“What did Aemond do?” Helaena asked.

“He said that I should stop wearing it, but that I could keep it. But,” you stopped to take a breath. “Alys also said that we need to stop saying ‘together forever,’ that it was her who was now together forever with him. Not me.” Your voice broke. “And Aemond agreed with her.” Breaking down into tears again, you set the cup of hot chocolate down and curled up tighter in your blankets.

Helaena hugged you. “I’m so sorry. He’s being stupid,” she said. “I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but it isn’t right. He’s always looked at you with so much love and cared for you like no other.”

You shook your head. “Not anymore, Hel. He made that very clear.”

“He’s an idiot. He’ll pull his head out of his ass and see Alys for who she truly is soon.” She pulled away from the hug. “Now, though, it’s time for you to get some rest.”

“Will you sleep here?” you blurted out. “I just… I don’t want to be alone.”

Helaena gave you a soft look. “Of course.” She climbed into the bed and wrapped her arms around you.

And with that, you fell into sleep, wrapped in the arms of your friend.

When you woke up, Helaena was gone but you didn’t worry. You could hear her singing as she made breakfast. You felt a bit lighter since falling asleep, but there was still a weight on your chest.

Your heart ached for Aemond. There is no one in the world you wanted more than him. You missed Aemond; it was plain and simple. You missed your best friend. Most of all, you missed what could have been.

“I brought you breakfast,” came Helaena’s voice from the doorway. “I grabbed you some orange juice, and I made pancakes.”

When Helaena offered the plate of food and the cup of juice, you gratefully accepted it. Eating took effort. It was like you had to encourage your body to move and go through the actions. If you let yourself go on autopilot, you would just stop. You knew better than to let that happen. You had to keep going.

“I think I'm gonna call tomorrow a mental health day,” you told Helaena as you finished up your breakfast.

“That's a good idea. You could go to class but you wouldn't retain anything with how you're feeling,” Helaena agreed.

You sighed, clinking the forks on the plate. “I'm at a loss of what to do. I'll rest tomorrow, but I can't do nothing forever.”

“No, you can't. What we can do,” Helaena started, “is take today and tomorrow to rest and reevaluate everything.”

“Yeah, I like that.” You gave your friend a smile. “Thank you for the breakfast, Hel.”

After you returned your breakfast dishes to Helaena and she left your room, you got up to get ready for the day. At your vanity, you stared at that sapphire necklace. Alys was right. It hurt Aemond every time you wore it. A broken promise. For the first time since you lost it those years ago, you didn't put it on.

Days went by, and you heard nothing from Aemond. Granted, you didn't really try to reach out to him either. You were at a standstill.

Attending classes had gotten somewhat better. Aemond was no longer actively avoiding you but he wasn't making any effort to see or interact with you either. One day, you tried to talk to him but then Alys showed up and glared at you until you walked away. Aemond didn't see her.

Defeated, you walked through the stairwells of one of the college buildings, not wanting to take the elevator. While trudging up the stairs, you heard moans. You prepared yourself to find Aemond again, heart already hurting. But there were more sounds this time. The sound of bodies hitting bodies. A fast pace, a rhythmic pace.

Your stomach dropped at the potential sight of seeing Aemond fuck Alys, but it was too late to turn around now.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes as you took the last steps.

“Oh fuck,” it was Alys who moaned. You knew it was her. It was the same sultry voice.

“Fuck, I'm gonna come.”

That wasn't Aemond's voice.

Your eyes shot open and widened.

Alys was cheating on Aemond.

What you saw in front of you was Alys pressed against the wall by some other guy. Her skirt was pulled all the way up, and her blouse and hair were ruffled. Her lover’s pants were pulled down low enough to free his cock but was otherwise clothed. He was aggressively pounding into her, and her face was contorted in bliss.

“Fuck!” She shrieked in pleasure.

The nameless guy thrust into her one last time, emptying inside her.

Alys turned around and grabbed the guy into a bruising kiss. When she separated, she pulled her skirt down and looked at you.

“Be a dear and don't tell Aemond, sweetie. Not that he'd believe you.” Alys winked at you before pressing another kiss to her lover and walking down and out of the stairwell.

You stared at the guy, and he winked at you. “Want to be next?”

“No, I'm good.” And with that, you left the stairwell and went to class.

The next time you had class with Aemond you made sure you stopped him.

“Aemond! Wait up!” You called to him.

There was no Alys this time to stop you. Aemond looked around, confused, but relaxed a bit when he saw it was you calling his name. It had been a while but you've always been able to put him at ease.

“Wanna walk and talk? It's been a while,” you said when he caught up to you.

“Yeah, sure,” he gave you a smile.

Gods, your heart warmed with that smile.

“I miss you, you know? I've missed my…” you hesitated. “Friend. I tried to reach out to you, Aemond, I really did.”

Aemond looked guilty. “At first, I was ignoring you,” he admitted. “I couldn't handle the heartbreak of you not choosing me, of leaving me. And then Alys came along. When I told her about everything between you and me, she suggested that I block you. So I did.”

You scoffed. “So quick to listen to her.”

“She was there for me when you weren't!”

“If you didn't block me, I would have been there sooner! If you responded to me I would have been with you. We could have been together, Aemond!”

“But we aren't. I'm with Alys, and you're -” he gestured to all of you “- you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don't doubt you'll find someone. Someone is out there for you.”

“...You, Aemond. That person is you.”

“We don't know that! Maybe I was at one point, but I'm not anymore. I'm Alys’.”

You shook your head. “No, please don't say that. Don't leave me, Aemond.”

“I'm not leaving you. I'm letting you go.”

He grasped your hands and a shock rippled through you. He hasn't touched you since… you don't even remember when.

“Find someone who is good for you. For some reason, that couldn't be me, no matter how badly I wanted to be. Alys…she's good for me. She's not as good as you could have been, but she cares.”

“Aemond,” you hesitated to tell him what you saw. “Aemond…she's cheating on you. I caught her with another student fucking in a stairwell.”

Aemond lost all color in his face. “You're lying. Alys cares about me. She’d never do that. She loves me.”

“Do you love her back?”

“I… I don't know. But no, she couldn't have cheated on me. She promised me there was no one else but me.” He started playing with his fingernails.

“You can talk to her, but she's going to deny it.”

“Because it's not true!” He yelled. “No, you're lying.”

“Aemond, I would never lie to you. You know that.”

He looked at you with a tear falling out of his good eye. “But you've broken promises. That's just as bad.”

“You know I never meant to hurt you,” you pleaded.

It was Aemond’s turn to scoff. “That's what they all say, you know? No one meant to hurt me; it was all a mistake. I'm done with that.” He looked at you and schooled his face into something hard. “I think you need to go. We shouldn't be near each other.”

“Aemond, you can't mean that.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Please don't shut me out like this. I'm telling you this because I care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt!”

“You have to let go of me. I let go of you. We both know it's better this way.” Aemond sighed. “You can delete my number. You're still blocked on my phone, and I won't be changing that.”

“Aemond…” your voice broke.

“I gotta go. I'll see you in class.” He pushed by you and walked briskly ahead of you.

You waited for him to look back.

He never did.

[ghhoulsallt]

Ninjago Headcanons // Morro

Masterlist

AN: I love the AU where Morro goes through the Rift during the Day of the Departed and becomes human again/becomes apart of the Ninja (But due to the rumours that he'll be coming back in DR s3, this could also relate to that. Slightly unrelated, but I cannot wait to see Euphrasia and Morro's Dynamic in DR o(≧▽≦)o).

Type: AU, unorganised, General headcanon ramble

Warnings: Morro is severely traumatized, mostly angst

Morro is extremely possessive over everything, even if it's something small. He has an iron grip on everything he deems as his, even if it holds no sentimental value to him, varying from that one glass in the cupboard that has a slight crack in the lip but he refuses to throw it out, to that cat that lives in the dumpster in shadier parts of his patrol area that he's been slowly trying to coax into trusting him, to people. This is wholly due to the way he was brought up, or rather not brought up, constantly fighting for meals, consistently getting abandoned by 'caretakers'/people who he had clung to because of 'safety in numbers' until he met Wu, the green gi being ripped away from him when it was right there in front of him, and then essentially becoming a nomad and forcing himself not to get too comfortable while on his journey of finding the FSM's tomb. He's never exactly had anything or anyone except his powers, so now that he has a place – a person – to call home, he wouldn't be able to stand the loss of his newfound stability.

(If Morro entered through the rift and joined the ninja force before the Merge and he got separated during, I think he genuinely wouldn't be able to handle losing everything around him, especially not Wu)

This also leads to him being a bit of a hoarder, he struggles to bring himself to get rid of things he no longer needs because he was so used to not having many material things as a child that he doesn't want to go back to fighting over scraps of food, being so alone that he doesn't even have items to accompany him.

Morro is actually pretty open with his emotions, but not directly. If he hates someone, they will know because he stands there with his arms crossed and a look of pure disgust on his face like a child who was just told no.

This also works vice versa, such as when Morro is happy/content you can see his eyebrows aren't pinched. It's such an odd sight to the ninja because Morro is constantly in intense thought, and therefore constantly frowning.

I also headcannon that while Morro has a strong relationship with his element, his mood does affect the weather. It's to the point where if the wind's a little too strong it's most likely because he's in a bad mood.

Morro gets along the best with Cole, mostly because of the whole ghost thing and they both have an understanding of what it was like to lose the human part of yourself.

He and Lloyd also have a deep understanding of each other because of the possession arc, they have their own memories and each other's, and in a sense they'll always be connected. But this has led to odd moments where they can't tell whose memory was whose. This has also lead to Morro (After Possession) realising that being the Green Ninja was not all it was cracked up to be.

[zylphiacrowley]

Heavensward Era

(spoilers for one of the worst-kept secrets in all of XIV below as well as some personal lore for this catboy)

I've been playing around with more of X'vahl's lore between the start of ARR and Endwalker and my brain will not let go of this so allow me to spill some more lore I've been kicking around for him.

So in X'vahl's canon Haurchefant did indeed have romantic feelings for him. It was an open secret and pretty much everyone in Ishgard who knew Haurchefant knew about it. Unfortunately X'vahl did not feel the same way. He counted him as a very close friend but he was still very much in his "I'm not ready for a relationship" mindset as well as some additional "I am not worthy of love" thoughts that had crept their way into his mind. So when Haurchefant confessed these feelings to him, X'vahl, thinking that he could not give Haurchefant the feelings and relationship he deserved in return, gently turned him down. Being the kind of person he was, Haurchefant accepted X'vahl's decision with grace and vowed that he would be happy to simply stand beside him as a valued friend and ally.

Then of course, The Vault happened. Watching Haurchefant die and knowing the feelings he had for him compounded the guilt that X'vahl already would've been feeling at the time. He blames himself for what happened and when he finally gets time alone with his own thoughts, all he can think about was the many different ways that things could've been different and how he could've prevented his death (this is what prompts him to run to the Astrologicum and rush his way through learning how to use healing magic, despite Alphinaud insisting that even had X'vahl been an expert healer there would've been nothing he could've done and magic of any kind is not something one should rush into).

Everyone knowing how Haurchefant felt made them treat X'vahl with an uncomfortable kind of pity that really just made things even worse for him because now everyone is feeling bad for him, meanwhile he's thinking that he's literally the last person anyone should be feeling bad for since he's one of the primary causes of his death in the first place. Like X'vahl just wants to scream every time someone sees him and gets that look in their eyes like they're silently apologizing to him for his loss. Like "NO! STOP! It's my fault that he's dead! I'm the reason Ishgard lost one of it's kindest and most loyal souls! You should be furious with me! You should be screaming at me! Pray The Fury strike me dead where I stand! I don't deserve kindness! Just... give me your pain and rage."

—

Fast forward to pre-DT and he's in a much better place but then being asked to help with what he sees as another delicate political situation by someone that he's struggling to allow himself to admit that he's developed feelings for and he can't help but have these flashbacks to what happened in Ishgard. He's finally considering allowing himself to be happy again but he's downright terrified of what might happen because he knows if he loses Erenville he might never be able to recover (at the time he's thinking these thoughts, it's already too late for him though because his heart is already in too deep to back out now).

It also makes Estinien noticing that there's something more between X'vahl and Erenville a bit more layered since he definitely knew about Haurchefant's feelings (albeit he was a bit preoccupied with his own situations during HW, that didn't stop him from learning about how Haurchefant felt). I think if he didn't think it would be wildly inappropriate to bring it up, he'd probably tell X'vahl that it would please Haurchefant to know that he had forgiven himself and found some measure of happiness.

[myheroblogs]

Man, the whole thing with Yoichi and Kudou parting ways is a bit more heartbreaking if you consider the fact that just moments before, Yoichi had to deal with the death of his brother.

Despite everything that he has done, despite everything that has happened, Yoichi still loved his brother. Even though his brother was cruel, he still acknowledges that AFO took care of him when there was no one else. All they had was each other.

His anger in ch 193 wasn't done out of hate, but concern for his brother. Like how a loved one would get angry when they recognize you doing something that isn't good for your well-being.

Nana and Yoichi are in the same position, both having their close relatives on the villain side, but while Tenko has the hope of being saved, AFO is far gone. And while Yoichi has long accepted this, that doesn't mean he won't be affected by the loss of his brother.

We saw Yoichi's expression when AFO gets defeated. People talk about it being a "bombastic side eye", but to me, it's more so sorrowful.

Not long afterwards, we have Yoichi talk like this:

"Don't cling to sentimentality"

"Bringing down Tomura Shigaraki is our reason for still existing"

Yoichi was silently trying to process his brother's death here. Alone. Not even Kudou knows.

And not long after the death of your only family, you're forced to say goodbye to the one person who would still be there for you after all that? The very first person who valued you as a fellow human being?

Damn, I'd break down and cry too.

On a side note, some people are unhappy that the OFA Users are often calling the shots here. But am I the only one who noticed that Yoichi's the only one who doesn't do this at all?

Yoichi's the one who interacted with Midoriya the least. He's the only OFA User who actually doesn't tell Midoriya what to do. The only times he came out to interact with him was whenever he feels like Midoriya's life could be in danger, or that time when he tried to reassure him in Ch 193.

Even when trying to cope with his brother's death, starting to give up on the whole "saving" thing, he never really came out to talk to Midoriya to try to change his mind. He's only in the OFA space the entire time with the other users.

Yoichi doesn't say anything cause he just trusts Midoriya to make the calls. (Hence his "this fight has long been passed to the successors") But he also trusts the other users, so he lets them do their thing.

He's also the one who humanises Tomura, calling him a "successor" like Midoriya, making him an equal. En later calls him out on this, saying the opposite.

Yoichi's the best OFA vestige and he deserves the entire world. Gives this man a darn break. T_T

[shanastoryteller]

Thanks so much for telling me that it deleted 😅

Um happy birthday! I was actually gonna ask for time travel drarry this time 😂

Thanks again and have a great day!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4

They’re cautiously moving their way though the chamber, Draco letting him lead with only a minimum of arguing. Harry likes to think that the fact he’s a parselmouth, an auror, and has been here before is compelling, but honestly he thinks Draco agreed just so Harry would be eaten first if something goes wrong.

“You shouldn’t be doing this,” Harry can’t help but say, “we shouldn’t be doing this, I guess, but you started it. We shouldn't be changing anything, especially this far in the past. Who knows what it could mess up?”

Draco scoffs. “Again, how do you think we’re going to make things worse? What sort of future are you worried about preserving anyway?”

“Things are good, now,” he says, and wants to check Draco’s expression but can’t bring himself to stop looking around corners for the first hint of the basilisk.

“For who?” Draco presses. “I don’t know what war you lived through, but the one I did was complete shit.”

“And you could make it even worse by meddling!” he insists. Talking is also probably a bad idea, but with his luck it’ll be his first tell that the basilisk is near by – that he starts hissing rather than speaking. “Things could have gone even more to shit, and now they might, because of you!”

Draco snorts. “Typical. You know, some people actual value the things they lose, and aren’t exactly eager to lose them again.”

Harry stops moving and Draco nearly walks into him before he realizes it. He whirls around, now shoving his wand in Draco’s face. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Just because you’re a cliché doesn’t mean you have to throw a fit about it. Clichés are clichés for a reason, after all,” he says in a tone that Harry thinks is actually supposed to be soothing.

He’s not in the mood to be soothed. “I value what I lose.”

“No, you don’t. Your tragedy is tragic, Harry, but it’s not special. All you do is lose so you can’t linger on it. Parents, homes, friends – what’s it mean to lose them to you? You’ve lost them all, multiple times, and you’re just fine.” Draco makes a face, then shrugs. “For a given definition. Because you never think any of it is yours to keep, so the loss can’t hurt as much. Which is fine for you, and all your fucked up problems, but I’m not like you. What I lost is important to me and I’m not fine about it and I’m going to do whatever I can to get it back.”

It's the cruelest thing Draco’s ever said to him and the worst part is how he says it, irritated but casual, like it’s something unremarkable about him that’s obvious to everyone.

Maybe it is.

No wonder he could never get passed the third date with anyone.

Draco crouches down, yanking him against the wall. Harry’s surprised enough to let him. “Do you hear that?”

He almost says no automatically but he takes a second to try and hear something over their breathing.

Well, looks like they found the basilisk.

[woodlaflababab]

Thinking about Aang and Iroh and their parallels when it comes to Zuko.

I mean, they are such similar characters and one of my biggest regrets with the show is that we only get one scene with the two of them interacting. That's a damn shame. Even just beyond the fact that they're both wise, humorous, and centered on peace (though they have different ways to go about it), they both have two distinct and very different parts of their lives.

Iroh has the beginning of his life, which was centered around training to be Firelord and fighting a war, and then after Lu Ten died, where he gave up all of that and pursued something very different.

Aang has the beginning of his life which was about peace and childhood (and mastering his element) and then after he woke from the iceberg in which he was thrown into the world and his role as the avatar.

And it is these events that bring them to Zuko. Without them, neither of them would have had the relationship with Zuko that they do, Aang wouldn't even know him.

For both of them, Zuko reminds them of a loved one they lost (one in which they feel even a little bit responsible for that loss) Lu Ten and Kuzon, and to both of them, Zuko is one of the things that lessen the tragedy they went through. Iroh learns to love Zuko as one of his own and Zuko becomes one of Aang's best friends (each having Zuko fill the place of the person they lost.) (Aang even explicitly says one of the bright sides of the iceberg was the new people he gets to meet. "I did get to meet you." - Aang @ Katara)

They also both relate to and understand Zuko even if Zuko doesn't recognize that. Iroh understands being caught up in the fire nation propaganda and chasing an idea. (Honor for Zuko, Glory for Iroh.) Aang understands the pain of being ripped from your home and understands the way pain can drive you to do things you would never dream of doing otherwise.

They both are endlessly forgiving of Zuko. No matter how many insults Zuko throws at Iroh, no matter how much fire Zuko throws at Aang, they refuse to stop caring for him. Iroh in the form of standing by his side and Aang in the form of saving his ass again and again and offering him friendship.

Honestly, I think part of Zuko's frusteration with Katara's very reasonable unwillingness to forgive him as soon as he does something right is because he's a little bit spoiled on the forgiveness he has always gotten from Iroh and Aang. (And I also think Katara's resistance makes Zuko appreciate her forgiveness and thus their forgiveness so much more, especially when Iroh immediately forgives him once again at the end.)

It is Iroh's and Aang's patience and virtue that allow Zuko to grow and become the person he becomes. They are the two biggest influences on his change and both their influences are so similar in many ways. Iroh stands on the inside never leaving Zuko's side and Aang stands on the outside constantly offering a place by his own side.

I don't think it is a coincidence that Zuko had to lose Iroh's help and forgiveness to realize he needs to seek Aang's help and forgiveness.

Both of them have made mistakes with Zuko. Both had a phase where they realized they needed to turn their back on Zuko because of the pattern of behavior he's shown (dispite him trying to show different levels of repentance) and both welcome Zuko in once he has made it clear that behavior has ended and his change is true. Both love him, not because of what he's done, but because he has inherent value as a person and because they know deep down there is something good inside him.

Both of their relationships with Zuko are beautiful.

[qiutls]

TNGDH 010

The first day of the Northern festival dawned.

It was noisy all over the place. I woke up early in the morning and sat up on the sawdust with uneven hair.

I'd love to sleep more, but I had a lot of work to do. First of all, it was necessary to increase the miracle value to further increase the duration time of "Summon."

I'm at a loss on how to fill up the remaining percent, but at least I know I can't fill them in this house filled with damn mealworms and crickets.

Yeah, let's go out.

It is also good to go out and grasp the atmosphere of the castle, and check what happens in < Heart of Winter > at this time. And if possible, I may change some of the events and slightly raise the miracle value.

I only have 30 minutes a day, I really need to use it well…

[ Should I use "Summon" now? (｡❛ᴗ❛｡) ]

'No!'

Not now, I don't have any clothes!

Ugh, but there's no better time to go out than now. It has only been 10 minutes since Kyle went to survey the castle for the festival. It would take an hour to complete one roundtrip.

If only there's other clothes available, except for the clothes the magicians picked up…

'Ah! That's right!'

Just then, a wonderful thought came to mind.

The space where Sen found me and chatted along with the other maids. It was the place where they do laundry. In other words, I can get the clothes that servants wore.

Let's just get one of out the pile. Even if it's a bit uncomfortable to know that someone has already worn it, it's way better than being naked.

You never know, I might be able to wear a sleek, and well-washed butler's uniform… Don't you think it'll look good on me?

I had a pleasant imagination in my own way before using "Summon" in the corner of the room.

[ Good luck! (ෆ`꒳´ෆ) ]

*

However, there was another problem that I've never anticipated.

"I've really lived…"

Originally, life was something you were supposed to know when you've actually lived once, but if you were going with this kind of development, you should at least give me a preview.

I sat with my legs spread out on the stone steps in the corner and put my elbows on my knees. And with an infinitely gloomy look on my face, I stared at the maid's uniform in amazement.

"….."

I should have expected, all the people gathered then were maids. There was no such thing as the butler's uniformed I imagined earlier. Shirts, vests, pants, and shoes are nowhere to be found.

The best I could find was an ankle-length black skirt and an ornamental white apron, and for now, it was the only clothes I could choose.

I screamed silently ruffling my hair with my hands, how can I walk around like this! What do you mean I have to wear maid clothes, I'm a man!

"What's the difference between this and running around naked!"

[ Do you want me to turn off "Summon"? ]

No, don't! That's not what I meant. On second thought, this is not that bad. It's warm and I can move freely, it's even a bit nice… Damn it.

"It's hard to make ends meet."

With this outfit, it's best not to be caught by maids. No, it's best not to be seen by anyone. Hey system, do you have any transparency skills? I'm going crazy here.

Even though I hated it, I had to move anyways. I only have half an hour a day, I need to make the most out of it. I shook myself and went downstairs.

"It would be nice if we could hold the banquet sooner."

"What kind of clothes will do you think His Highness will wear this time?"

"Do you think there'll be more people than last year?"

I tactfully intermingled with servants here and there and heard stories of this and that.

The Northern festival is held only once a year, and it lasts for a week starting from the day when the night is the longest that year. It was no exaggeration to say that it was the grandest even held at the Blake's estate.

The usually dull and cold Blake Castle was now animated and people kept bringing in food from the storage. You can see that the merchants also brought a full carriage. 'Indeed, a festival is a festival.'

The last memory of a festival I remember in my old life was drinking makgeolli at the university festival and suffering from a massive hangover the next day.

At that time, key information suddenly fell into my ears.

"I hope this year goes by without any problems…"

"That's what I'm saying, why am I so nervous? Last year, aristocrats who were in favor of the prince came and bothered me, but this time apparently, the prince himself will attend the banquet."

"Is the rumor really true?"

"Is the prince really coming personally here in the North?"

I crept up behind them with my ears perked up. Of course, I didn't forget to use the broom I got to pretend to sweep across the floor and move.

They went into the banquet hall, loaded with goods, and soon began to decorate the place with flowers and moved the tables around the central dance hall.

"I know right, when this land was a wasteland, he didn't care, even when his subjects asked for his help."

"But since Lord Kyle came, things have improved remarkably. Didn't they say, the reason why the prince never came even thought there was a festival here every year, is because of the bad relationship between brothers? Isn't that the famous story?"

"They sent him to die, but he didn't. Tsk. Tsk."

"Apparently, His Highness Belial will also come, along with the previous Serena, who's on bad terms with Duke Kyle. Their age difference is also…"

the one on bad terms with Kyle is Belial and not the previous Serena, which is a different Serena from Sen​

Oh yeah, this is the kind of gossip I want to hear.

'As expected, people who are preparing for the banquet, know the most.'

I should get closer to them, let's step around these servants who are contemplating what to do with the old chandelier, and try to hear more information…

"Woah! That scared me!"

Just in time, the worker who was complaining about the old and loose chandelier ring, turned around and our eyes met.

Wow, you have a really loud voice, thanks to you I was surprised and almost jumped.

"Wait a minute… I don't think I've seen you here before."

… Oh dear.

The skill "Summon" uses my original form and face. I don't know how the system brought my life's data into this world, because if I asked it would never shut up, but right now this person is seeing a face it has probably never seen before, a Korean's face.

In other words, it's a face that doesn't fit this world.

I turned around as naturally as possible and kept sweeping.

​Just be natural…

"Hey you!"

It felt like my joints were squeaking whenever I moved.

Indeed, I have zero talent for acting. During the school festival, I always played the role of a tree or a stone. Of course, I didn't want to play that role but for some reason, everyone left it up to me.

The man who looked at me suspiciously, tried to reach for me. But just before he reached my shoulder, I started to move.

I don't care about acting or anything, I just know if I get caught here, it's the end.

"Hey system, how many minutes are left for the skill?"

[ "Summon" will end in 7 minutes. ]

There's less than 10 minutes left.

I can just run until the skill ends.

"Isn't that, that guy?"

It's just your imagination. It can't be you'll know it's me from looking at the shoulders and the height right?

"I'm going crazy."

I only had those clothes to wear. What was I supposed to do in that situation, technically I'm a victim too.

"Wasn't it a few days ago, a guy sneaked into the Lord's study and event took his shirt?"

"Ho, is he that.."

"There, that brown haired guy, just stand there and don't move!"

Ah, I can't hear you. I can't hear anything.

I started fast, almost as if I were running. The soles of my feet felt so cold and numb, but I couldn't help it, there were only socks in the laundry room and no shoes.

'I feel so uncomfortable, I'll wash my hands and feet as soon as I get there.'

This time, after washing my feet, I'll turn the bowl over instead of leaving the dirty water inside, or else they won't change it to new water.

I left the banquet hall, climbed a floor, and fled frantically to the left corridor, it's been a long time since I threw away the broom I held.

'I should've worked out.'

I overestimated the physical strength of an office worker. But at least, I wasn't as weak as before since I rode a wheel desperately to become human.

Thump.

"… Ah!"

I bumped into someone as soon as I turned around the corner of the hallway. You're lucky I'm letting you off the hook today.

"Sorry-"

Obviously I was walking quite quickly but this person didn't even move a bit when we collided, yet I bounced back like a ball.

"Are you okay?"

His voice, low and grave, a voice I'm quite familiar with.

… That's right, it's a voice I hear everyday.

'I'm doomed.'

[ Kyle Jane Minehardt. The Great Duke of Blake. ]

I know. I know. You don't have to tell me.

I turned around and looked at him.

It hasn't even been seven minutes yet and it was weird to end the skill right in front of him. You said I'd be lucky enough to become human? Are you sure it's luck or bad luck?!

[ (◐▽◐);;; ]

'Fuck it.'

I started running away from Kyle and he started chasing me.

​His heavy boots banged on the floor and sounded loudly as he approached me. It was like a horror movie. I kept running like before, yet he was just walking. The distance between us gradually got less and less.

"Hey."

I don't know what to do. I'm never running away from him again. When I looked back secretly, his shadow was hanging around my feet.

'….. Crazy'

He's not the Duke of the North for no reason.

Now I really started to give my all into running. The ankle-long skirt started to get in the way, so I held them up with my hands to move my legs easily.

Ah, shit, I don't even have shoes. What kind of situation is this!

"Stop."

'I don't think I will.'

I gasped and tried to breathe in as much air as possible and squeezed out the last drop of my strength to ran further away. When Kyle saw I didn't listen to his orders, he also started following me quickly.

Why are his steps so big? If you're tall, you do everything bigger is that it? How can you make me feel this miserable?

Step. Step. Step.

The sound of bare feet running like crazy and the sound of boots irregularly stepping on the floor. I felt all the emotions I was bottling rise up as I continued to run on the cold floor.

Hey! Stop following me! It's time to give up.

[ "Summon" will end in 1 minute. ]

I shouldn't disappear suddenly today, and it should bring me back to the hamster house once the time is up…

he's talking about the hamster form

Before I knew it, Kyle was right behind me, at this rate, he'll catch up even before a minute passes.

I ran all the way here with the thought of being able to escape, but now it seems like I can't help it. But it seems like I have no choice but to wait for the skill to end and recall back to the hamster house.

Running straight down the corridor, I turned towards the stairs and went down the steps.

"Uh…"

​My body leaned forward greatly as I was about to fall when a large hard pulled my arm and causing me to sway back into the ground.

I turned around and saw the owner of the hand, I looked at Kyle with my eyes wide open. My heart was already falling down the stairs, yet my body was held in place with his hand.

"Who are you?"

I can't answer if you ask like that.

[ "Summon" will end in 10 seconds. ]

'It's almost time anyways.'

​You're right system, there's no such thing as bad luck.

I laughed and held onto Kyle's arm but still not straightening my tilted body. I wasn't intent on making a good impression. So, I spoke in a sarcastic tone.

Who am I? Me?

"I'm your companion-"

note that companion used here can mean a lot of things, can be friend, associate, partner or even lover, Soohyun was going to say "I'm your companionship hamster" but it got cut off XD

​Just then the 10 seconds was up and white light came out of my body. Kyle frowned at the blinding light that flashed before his eyes.

And the me that was covered in that light, became a hamster.

… Who was back in the hamster house.

―…….

I turned my head around and looked at the familiar sawdust and the transparent glass and the duke's study.

Hey, if you're gonna take me back! Take me back after I finished my words! How can you end it before I could say I was a companionship pet. A pet!

​I jumped in anger and threw myself on the floor. Great, now not only am I a clothes thief, I'm now a pervert who dresses as a woman and confessed to the Grand Duke.

― Squeak! [ Ahhh! ]

I think it's better to keep living as a hamster. Right? Right. Should I just live like this? That thought easily vanished as I saw the bowl full of mealworms.

Kyle's POV

The flash slowly died down and Kyle opened his eyes. His view was still blurred, perhaps because it was directly hit by the light earlier, but fortunately there was no difficulty in identifying the object in his hands.

The problem was, there was only clothes and the man who had just been in his hands was gone.

A unique face, and thin brown hair that have never appeared in this land. And such light weight, that he was able to hold the man with one hand.

All that disappeared in an instant and all that was left was the maid uniform that he was wearing.

"… Is he a magician?"

But when he disappeared, he didn't seem to chant any incantations. Rather, the last words he said before he disappeared was that he was my 'companion'.

Above all, I definitely saw him for the first time today, yet I felt a strange sense of familiarity. Even though no one I know has no hobby of dressing as a woman.

Kyle raised his eyebrows and picked up the clothes properly. Even when he said he was my companion, why did I just stay still and keep holding his arm.

"I'll find you…"

Even if what you said was just nonsense, I want to find you again.

T/N: this part of the novel is illustrated and made into a promo which you can find in the masterpage for this novel. tysm for everyone who's reading this! and thank you for all the likes, follow and ko-fis <3

novel ⠀✿⠀ next

[autisticlenaluthor]

autistic rhiannon - pt 2 | pt 1

canon typical tws

—

despite not being good at it, rhiannon is technically high masking. she puts all her energy into being approachable, likable, and normal. even though it fails, rhiannon experiences autistic burn out throughout her life until eventually, it becomes chronic.

like everything else, rhiannon’s burn out is misunderstood. seren perceives it as laziness- why can’t rhiannon just clean the damn house and maintain her hygiene and go to work like a normal fucking person? her dad, on the other hand, thinks she just isn’t fighting hard enough. she’s ’taking the piss’ and this time from herself. when he tells her this - rhiannon believes him. she’d believe anything he tells her - and being as self-hating as she is, she can’t find a reason not to.

rhiannon experiences episodic speech loss - sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for days or even weeks at a time.

it would happen more often in her childhood/teen years. half the time it was selective mutism as a defense mechanism from all the bullying; rhiannon couldn’t control anything else in her life but she could control her body & go silent for weeks on end. but the other half of the time - it was physical speech loss. she would get to a point where the overstimulation and emotional build up/overwhelm became too much to bear. she couldn’t let it simmer over, though, she couldn’t let it show, so she’d just fall flat. her voice would leave her and the blank expression we so often see her with would become more prevalent.

her speech loss is also intertwined with her kills. sometimes (most of the time) they give rhiannon a high. they’re a perfect release and if she knows one is especially justified - it brings on an overwhelming catharsis. dare i say orgasmic? she did. but sometimes the overstimulation of Good Things is just as distressing as the overstimulation of Bad Things. and in those instances, when rhiannon comes down from the high - she crashes hard. she shuts down and loses speech - unable to bring herself to cogitate words the way that she should, or really do much of anything.

she values needs sameness/routine above all else

this applies to almost all aspects of her life. rhiannon is adverse to change on the large scale (not ever wanting to leave her childhood home, keeping her bedroom reflective of her teen years, never changing her hair) but also in day to day things. she wears some variation of the same clothes every day follows the same routine to a tee. she would be very rigid in scheduling (if something is going to happen at a certain time - it has to happen at that time) and keeping things identical to how she’s planned them out.

she finds it easier to connect with animals than people.

animals don't play stupid social games. they don't make you read between the lines. they don't bully. rhiannon always knows exactly what tink needs. there are no mind games, no power dynamics. and because she understands animals so well (through a special interest lens too) she finds them easier to empathize with than people.

[starlightswordfight]

back in my headcanon posting arc (EVERYONE THROWS TOMATOES AT ME)

hitting daya w my ASPD beam I never see people bring the disorder up in good faith and I'm SICK of it I am SICK AND I AM TIRED

ANOTHER wall of text post it wasn't meant to be this long I don't know what happened

DAYA MY SPECIALEST FAVORITEST CHARACTER WHO MAKES ME SO SAAADDD

before leaving her community she had zero agency. like NONE. at all. every beat of her life was already mapped out before she had any sort of say in it, and that presumably just kept happening and happening and happening until she reached a point where she just could not take that anymore

what little we get from her lore implies that she was valued more for what she did or what she could provide than who she was on her own. and one: the idea that relationships are an inherently transactional thing is going to be there in your head when it's been demonstrated to you your entire life

two: a relationship like that with the community that raises you, from Your Family, is going to mess you up! a lot!!! and environmental factors have been cited to contribute to ASPD developing, especially an inability to rely on your caretakers or the authority figures in your life to protect you

because it wasn't another person that got her out of that situation. daya saved HERSELF. which absolutely would solidify those beliefs further; that close relationships are means to meet a goal. and are not inherently safe. "all these people around me while this was going on and I am the only one that did something"

and that! is only going to get worse the longer you go without a real support system! especially if you are the person that gets out of there without help. when you're surrounded by people that endlessly fail you then you aren't going to have trust in people, right. that inability to trust people and loss of control is a huge huge deal with this disorder forming

social "support" system fails you over and over and over → one way of coping with that is abandoning prosocial ideas outright. I don't think this is 1:1 what happens and aspd is so little researched but I HAVE read pwASPD clarify that their experiences with unstable support systems while younger contributed heavily to having antisocial traits as an adult

the view of relationships being transactional is also something that might go under the radar while she's doing dungeon work or while she's in a party because an approach like that (no heavy interpersonal relationships, business is business) is a beneficial one to have. when you view your work and your colleagues from that lens you are less likely to split up from your party in possibly dire moments. you are less likely to die down there

she also (reasonably) doesn't ever show guilt or remorse for leaving, She Just Does. daya has no reason to feel bad, so why should she? what reason does she have to get upset? a reasonable response even if she DIDN'T have ASPD (considering how those people treated her) but her having it would add a layer to that

and also her detachment emotionally, like because of her upbringing. and she IS a more detached person in contrast to the more expressive people in her party, like mickbell. there IS a flatter expression with her, daya comes across as calmer and less involved emotionally than a lot of the people she surrounds herself with

so like of course she's never considered that something might be "wrong" there. the setting doesn't prompt questions like that. neither did her upbringing. this is just all that daya's ever known

(and that's probably why she gets along so well with holm? in particular? he doesn't really demand stuff out of people or emote very strongly, he's There but not Overwhelmingly There if that makes sense. and that attitude would probably feel refreshing for someone who might be easily drained during social situations. ASPD DID solidarity I love it here)

it very well could be because daya doesn't have a lot of screen time (most side characters don't so I Get It) but we really don't see her expressing any feelings very strongly? the most that comes to mind is the initial fight with chimera falin where she Actually Fucking Dies

we don't get a lot to work with for her and part of that is why this post is all over the place. the other part is this has been sitting in my drafts for like a month and I can't remember what else I wanted to add. but like FROM WHAT I SEE HERE I think it would make SO much sense for daya to experience things like emotional blunting

"dying" to the treasure insects and losing her necklace? she's upset but not for long at all, and not about losing the treasure, just her necklace. watching kabru later on kill those corpse retrievers she's all like "yayyy I love when people do the right thing ❤️❤️❤️❤️" (which I laugh every time about. because it's fucking hilarious) but the response still reads as like. not enthusiastic or anything, maybe like, relieved, at most (which either way doesn't feel "right" for the situation)

we don't see her sad, we see her disappointed for a little bit and then she gets over it. I don't remember ever seeing her be overly excited, just at the part where they found the treasure bugs that they still thought were treasure, and even then she was reacting with the group. it is very very easily to blend in with a group. outside of that I mostly remember her being content, maybe, but not enthusiastic about anything

the strongest emotions we get to see from daya are anger/annoyance and fear. and half the time (chimera falin fight, her attacking her party thinking they're mermen) it looks to be both at the same time. lashing out that stems from fear. panic, then fight response. the situations in which she is not calm unfold the way they do because she is in some kind of danger.

detachment comes from distrust, and distrust stems from fear of being hurt. hypervigilance will do that to you, which a lot of pwASPD also will tell you they have. I think daya may feel things like excitement or sadness on a much lower threshold most or all of the time, where fear is not blunted because self reliance in her case could also be self preservation. and the need to defend herself at all times never went away

her fiance could be her exception also. do you see my vision

i just think it'd be like. interesting yk. I myself do NOT have ASPD (or any personality disorder I want to make that clear) but I know people who do. and a lot of characters that people say Must Surely Have It are normally antagonistic or the Worst People You Will Ever Meet and that's AWFUL. COMBATING that. YAY (THE BAR IS ON THE FLOOR PLEASE GUYS PLEASE)

reading firsthand accounts about what it's actually like having it (emotional blunting, a want for convenience, detachment from most or all other people, overreliance on the self, the environmental factors that contribute) did remind me of daya, A Lot. and I think also seeing more sympathetic portrayals of characters ESPECIALLY women that aren't lively and social and sentimental would be nice

pd headcanons are AWESOME i CHEER SO LOUDLY every time I see them but I don't really notice like ... any ASPD ones. especially not for women. which has me confused and pondering my orb because daya is RIGHT THERE. I love her and this is something you cannot convince me otherwise about actually

I'm not proofreading this again if there's a billion typos it'll be alright. surely