#Literal trio of dumbasses

[altocat]

What are some of the goofiest and/or dumbest shenanigans Seph, Gen, and Angeal have ever gotten into together?

There are too many. So here's one.

Angeal had coupons for free mini golf. And the man is so frugal that he is NOT missing out on free shit.

It's hooky time. Three imposing, scary soldiers shuffling about a literal children's mini golf course, surrounded by increasingly colorful and abstract images of dolphins, dinosaurs, giant squids, rainbows, and off-model unicorns.

Genesis is, of course, completely cocky and INSISTING that he can get a hole in one every time. He smugly makes a big grand display on his first hole and immediately hits it halfway across the facility, landing it squarely in the moat. Angeal doesn't do much better, hitting several poles and denting several models. This quickly devolves into an argument between Genesis and Angeal, which further escalates into a full fledged competition between them, screaming and squabbling at each other while fighting for superiority over a children's game.

Sephiroth (who hit the hole in one without even being noticed by the others), gets bored within seconds after his first try. He wanders off to retrieve Genesis and Angeal's various fly balls before eventually tiring of that and going to find the snack bar. He plops in the shade and passively tosses them a thumbs up every time they manage to hit the ball in a way that doesn't involve clubbing someone on accident.

Angeal and Genesis' final scores are so bad that neither of them will speak of it out loud. They sit there sulking and grumbling throughout the taxi ride back, Sephiroth blithely oblivious as he sits between them, happily enjoying his slushie.

[thisheademptyyeet]

First art of the year I guess lmao

[scarceghost]

rip Velasquez........

tag the oc who didn't deserve this

[astonmartinii]

i can do it with a broken heart [guilty as sin part three] | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x fem sainz!reader

life goes on after a bombshell but this silence isn't mysterious it's ominous

MASTERLIST | GUILTY AS SIN MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,304,509 others

yourusername: don't tell lies about me and i won't tell truths about you

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user164: oh holy moly this is so much worse than i thought

user165: i don't think i can ever look at those men the same ever again

user166: SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS FOR FAVOURS?

user167: my mouth dropped open when i read that

user168: so like not to be insensitive but like who do we think it was

maxverstappen1: so like y/n obviously can't talk on this because she needs her silence but my big mouth will remain open they tried it on me that's why she mentions that she managed to make friends.

user169: what the fuck

maxverstappen1: they thought that i would be an easy target because i was so young but jokes on them i've always been taken advantage of so i saw that from a mile away (also y/n didn't want to so that obviously helped)

user170: that is actually insane like her and max are the same age so that would've made her so young i hope to god that they didn't try it with anyone older

maxverstappen1: they did but by the time they realised that it hadn't worked on me y/n had allies and fernando and seb were not about to let any of that happen

user171: thank the lord she had some friends when people control your money you'll do anything

fernandoalo_oficial: she became my daughter the moment that i saw them try and offer their family to some of the older men in the paddock

user172: i am actually in shock this was a "oh gosh this is so dramatic situation" but now it's just "holy shit i kinda need to see these guys in jail"

fernandoalo_oficial: me and you both

user173: i'm going to need ferrari to let charles out of the cage for this one

user174: kinda expected him to be in the comments supporting her i'm not going to lie

user175: he's in the likes?

user176: girl? his girlfriend is being sued by his own family and is confessing that she was offered round the paddock like a prize cow i feel like he should be actively voicing his support

oscarpiastri: you're loved and have the full support of the paddock

maxverstappen1: we're behind you 100% of the way

olliebearman: nothing but full support for you mum

pierregasly: we're all here for you no matter what we're allowed to say

fernandoalo_oficial: 🫶

sebastianvettel: it'll all work out in the end

user177: still no charles ???

user178: eh i feel like pierre is confirming charles' support in his place

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 835,923 others

tagged: yourusername & charles_leclerc

maxverstappen1: i'm missing my best friend has anyone seen her?

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user179: oh good i was just about to lose it from y/n and max withdrawals

user180: at least one of the trio of dumbasses is keeping us fed

yourusername: i miss you toooooooooo :( (reply fast my lawyer has gone to the bathroom)

maxverstappen1: hurry up and win your lawsuit so we can go back to kicking ass and drinking gin and tonics

yourusername: i'm trying 🤞

maxverstappen1: and if i said it's time to red wedding them?

yourusername: i think we would be swiftly arrested

maxverstappen1: they can't arrest us our face cards are too strong

yourusername: well one of us is currently in court so what does that say about my face card

charles_leclerc: THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL REGARDLESS FUCK THEM

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user181: so is that like confirmation that charles is back in PR jail in maranello

user182: right i understand that he's literally employed by them but like he's also a grown ass man who can speak up

user183: like i know max isn't obviously at ferrari and isn't contractually obligated to be teammates with carlos but even he's out here slamming him

user184: and oscar who's only in his SECOND year in the sport

oscarpiastri: bold assumption that you're the best friend max

maxverstappen1: let's not get too rowdy piastri i can deal with you as the 'child' - you cannot be a bestie as well

oscarpiastri: i don't think that's the exact rules

maxverstappen1: you'll soon learn that I MAKE THE RULES AROUND HERE BUSTER

oscarpiastri: i can't wait for y/n to kick their asses so she can come back and KICK YOURS FOR ME

maxverstappen1: she would NEVER

oscarpiastri: okay maybe she wouldn't, but my dad on the other hand ...

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user185: charles just PLEASE GET ON THE MIC

user186: i'm about to lose my patience i'm not going to lie

user187: guys we have to remember that this is a complicated situation with a lot of different moving parts, as long as charles is there for her in REAL LIFE it doesn't matter what we're seeing

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carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, user190 and 308,994 others

carlossainz55: what was it you said? all is fair in love and poetry.

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user191: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

user192: not the childhood dog too ???

user193: these are unbelievable levels of hating

user194: i'd be impressed if he wasn't such an asshole

maxverstappen1: get fucked

carlossainz55: she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it

maxverstappen1: she fell in love ?? and you thought that was a good excuse to take everything she's ever had

carlossainz55: she cost me my dream

maxverstappen1: as far i can remember, she's not on the fucking FERRARI BOARD GENIUS

carlossainz55: it's her pussy-whipped boyfriend that's the problem and she deserved this as soon as she choose him over her blood

maxverstappen1: you're insane and history will always remember you as the biggest crybaby loser to ever grace this sport

user195: so this ^^ is definitely referring to y/n's poetry

user196: are we living through scooter braun volume two

user197: @taylorswift PLEASE HELP

charles_leclerc: EAT SHIT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL

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charles_leclerc: you are the lowest of the low and you will get what is coming to you

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charles_leclerc: there's only so long i have to stay silent and the people will know just the type of person you are

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user198: so is like carlos deleting this comments or ferrari?

user199: i bet it's ferrari

user200: 1. can they stop being allergic to fun 2. i think this has gotten past the need to uphold image like these are your employees and this is serious actually

user201: also like silencing charles when its CARLOS BEING THE MESSY ONE HE IS ACTUALLY STILL YOUR EMPLOYEE

yourusername: old habits die screaming

carlossainz55: you can spout all the 'poetry' you want it'll all belong to me anyway

yourusername: i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning

user202: stealing poetry? now that's a new low

user203: i'm gonna need someone to take one for the team and put a cheeky front wing in his tyre

georgerussell63: well this sounds like a job for me

charles_leclerc

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 893,450 others

charles_leclerc: lets go racing.

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user206: is this even charles? where are the emojis? where is the excitement

user207: i think we might be witnessing a lil PR takeover after his deleted comments tirade under carlos' recent post

user208: you'd think they'd at least get his tone right like the rest of his account is RIGHT THERE

user209: charles leclerc's PR team we now have beef

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maxverstappen1: ugh you people are useless

oscarpiastri: i'm not going to lie i'm losing my patience

maxverstappen1: for real i'm gonna need this court case to finish up fast so we can get back to being a united front of haters

oscarpiastri: and then we can also wrestle charles' phone back by force

olliebearman: PLEASE KNOW THIS ISN'T ME I LOVE Y/N AND WE WILL LIVE TO KICK ASS AGAIN

user210: oh so they quite literally took his phone?

olliebearman: whoops

user210: ollie coming for kid of the year

olliebearman: i can't be told off for accidentally leaving my phone out while in the car and accidentally making my password something easy to remember and accidentally telling charles that his PR team had posted something - accident i swear

user211: @maxverstappen1 can you confirm they're still grossly in love?

maxverstappen1: i do have the letters to prove so but i think he's going insane with withdrawals

user212: that's it GET ME TO MARANELLO RIGHT THIS SECOND I HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE

user213: yo i know we just got some confirmation from max but i can't help but think how lonely this must be for y/n

user214: for real if i was being sued by my family and had everything stolen from me i'd want more than some 'confirmation' through her bff in an instagram comment

carlossainz55: i hate to say i told you so @yourusername but that would be a lie i'm enjoying this so much

maxverstappen1: i want to fight you so bad but my therapist said that's bad

oscarpiastri: it's also illegal?

maxverstappen1: what's the point of being a rich white man oscar if i can't use to it to traverse the justice system and defend my bestie's honour

user215: @charles_leclerc get a backbone and do it like these two ^^

user216: i still have faith that he'll rain hell on that family when he's free

user217: well can he hurry the fuck up cause he's really shaping up to be the worst boyfriend of the year

user218: he has to get fucking loud HE CAN'T PROVE CARLOS RIGHT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 934,520 others

yourusername: i can do it with a broken heart

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user223: no no NO WE'RE NOT DOING ALL THIS GUESSING GAME SHIT WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?

user224: it's finished?

user225: that's what the spanish media are saying

user224: well in that case Y/N WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE YOUR POETRY BACK?

maxverstappen1: a wine evening without me? prison changed you

user225: SHE'S IN PRISON?

yourusername: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M IN JAIL

maxverstappen1: want me to put some money in the commissary so you can buy cigarettes?

yourusername: i don't even smoke and i'M NOT IN JAIL

maxverstappen1: now you've done time can you employ some stricter parenting on oscar and ollie, they've gotten unruly with both parents absent

yourusername: i'm not an absent mother :(

oscarpiastri: SHE'S VERY PRESENT SHE'S BEEN TO EVERY RECITAL SHE CAN IN HER CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES

maxverstappen1: did you just refer to literal FORMULA ONE GRAND PRIXS AS RECITALS?

oscarpiastri: maybe i did

yourusername: he's allowed to call them what he wants

olliebearman: i feel sufficiently supported by you mum x

yourusername: i'm glad

olliebearman: family dinner when dad gets released from ferrari's top secret base jail?

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maxverstappen1: did he just get sniped by ferrari's PR?

user226: okay cool got the main kids update but WHAT ABOUT LEO?

user227: please tell me he's been been in good care

yourusername: he's been my rock 🤞

user228: not the dog being more present than charles - it would be funny if it wasn't so sad :(

user229: so are any of you going to address the literal caption of this post

user230: there's two options here she either lost the court case or her and charles have actually broken up

user231: the fact carlos is not in this comment section actively gloating makes me think she might have actually won?

user232: but i don't want it to be the other option... charles and y/n are end game :(

user233: but he's been so so silent and that BULLSHIT response in the press conference

user234: idk the delusion in me has this theory ... she won the case but like t swift, doesn't have access to her old work so maybe she's heartbroken over losing that and then it's just exacerbated by her boyfriend's useless bosses that are holding him captive in italy (also he was totally coached to say that shit in the presser it's written all over his strangely expressive face)

user235: at this point i might go to italy and just prison break him out of there this is ridiculous

fin.

note: DON'T HATE ME YALL i promise it'll get better we must have faith in the man (i know i hate to put my faith in men) xx

extra note from me here. first, i will fix this tag list at some point idk why it's not working rn. secondly, i have been made aware by multiple people that there is a series just like this one down to characters and the name of the series on here and i can't lie i'm bummed about it. as i said on the first part (?) this is an idea i've had since the release of TTPD (and people will back me up on this) so it bums me out that there are blatant copies coming out! i'm all for inspiration but sometimes there's a difference between taking inspo and copying especially when my masterlist was posted ages ago and my first part was posted on the 9th of may.... anyways that's all i have to say! enjoy xx

taglist: in comments!

[jeonseoguu]

please… i need the duwangagang trio + the babysitter jojotaro

my dumbass realized AFTER i finished that i literally forgot koichi

COMMISSIONS ARE NOW OPEN !!! check my pinned post for more details ⭐️

[hp-hcs]

• smut • literally everyone here is so problematic (but oh, so hot) [part 2 of drunk words, sober thoughts] — best friend! dom top! jealous! theodore nott x gn! bottom/receiving! dumbass! reader x best friend! switch! jealous! manwhore! mattheo riddle

tysm to the anon who gave me this idea ur a real one 🤲👑

okay so like, i never really state it in text but like, reader, theo, and mattheo have been like a best friend trio since first year alr?

working on a part three rn you silly lil horndogs

read the title man idk

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“We can’t keep doing this,” you mumbled, but your head still tilted to the side to grant him better access.

“Why not?” He asked, kissing along the newly-freed skin of your neck and lightly biting down on your collarbone.

You let out a breathy half-moan. “We can’t- this isn’t fair for either of us. I can’t give you a real relationship.”

“I don’t care about that,” he said dismissively, tilting his head up to suck on the sensitive flesh on the underside of your jaw. “As long as I can have you in my bed.”

“How romantic,” you deadpan.

He laughed, shutting you up with yet another sharp thrust of his hips. “Never said I was, darlin’.”

You gasped and moaned. “Fuck! Th-there!”

He followed your directions, gripping your hips tighter and driving into you with renewed vigor.

Your thighs trembled and your nails raked along his back as you came with a low moan of his name.

He followed right after you, moaning and burying his face into the side of your neck. His hair, damp with sweat, brushed against your jaw, making you smile as you felt him shake above you.

He caught his breath after a moment, pulling out and rolling off of you. “You know that you can’t just keep sleeping with me to forget about him, right?”

“Oh, c’mon. Like you’re gonna complain? Don’t you want a hot-albeit-emotional-disaster such as myself in your bed?”

“I mean, I’m not gonna say no to that,” he snickered, reaching over the side of his bed to retrieve his shirt from the pile of discarded clothes before tugging it over your head and helping you get your arms through the sleeves. He laid back down so you could curl into his side, wrapping an arm around your middle and mindlessly running his fingers up and down your side.

You both lay in a comfortable silence for a moment before you quietly murmured, “Thank you.”

“For the sex or the pep talk?” He teased, running a gentle hand through your hair.

“Both,” you give him a half smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “But really, I mean it. Thank you, Mattheo.”

~~~

“That’s it, shit- yeah, fuck,” Mattheo moaned, dropping his quill on his desk in favor of threading his fingers through your hair. “So good- so damn good at this.”

You’d really thought you’d be able to go to the library with Mattheo after school “to study”. And you were doing plenty of that, if studying what that fine Riddle dick looks like up close is going to be a question on your Charms exam. Which, y’know, it probably won’t.

You could feel your legs cramping up from being curled up in a kneeling position underneath the table for the past ten minutes, but that didn’t stop you from tightening your grip on his thighs and taking him down as far as you could go.

His grip on your hair tightened in warning. “Shit- someone’s coming,” he hissed.

You pulled off of him just to sassily respond with, “Yeah, you.”

With just a few pumps of your fist, wrapped tight around his dick, Mattheo fell apart in the middle of the library.

~~~

“Fuck! Yes- shit!” Mattheo groaned and cursed.

“Shut the fuck up,” you hissed. “Are you trying to get caught?”

“I won’t claim to not be an exhibitionist,” he said in a mock-serious tone. “Besides, tell me this isn’t a hot place to fuck.”

“This isn’t a hot place to fuck,” you scoffed as you tightened your legs around his waist. “If I drown in this damn lake ‘cause of you, I will haunt your bitchass.”

~~~

“You seem to be awfully…close with Matt right now,” Theo said in an odd, stilted tone.

“Yeah,” you said shortly. “We are.”

“That’s…nice, I guess.” Theodore cleared his throat. “Riddle’s cool.”

“Yup,” you said in a bored tone, not even sparing a glance in his direction.

Theo huffed out an annoyed sigh, abandoning his fruitless questioning. “Whatever. Can you pass the butter?”

~~~

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Yeah, kinda.” Mattheo drawled.

“Apologies, won’t happen again,” Theo sneered, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the door frame as he surveyed the scene in front of him.

His longtime crush, sprawled out naked on his best friend’s bed. He kept his eyes trained pointedly at your faces, making no acknowledgment of the fact that Mattheo was three fingers deep inside you.

“So, like- this is real awkward,” Mattheo licked his lips and pursed them, unabashedly meeting Theo’s gaze and quirking an eyebrow. “You can either leave or come in, but either way, you gotta shut the door, man. That’s just common courtesy.”

Theo scoffed. “Are you seriously suggesting I stay?”

“I’m not not seriously suggesting you stay.”

“I’m not watching my best friends have sex, you fuckin’ freak.”

“Shit, what d’ya want me to say then, Mr. Prude?” Mattheo rolled his eyes. “You rather join in?”

“I’m not having a threesome with my best friends!”

“Coward.”

Theo spluttered out a protest that fell on deaf ears.

“Boys, boys, we get it. You’re both pretty,” you say dryly. “Either stay or don’t, Nott, but I’m getting fucked either way.”

Theo hesitated at the doorway before cursing under his breath and stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. “I hate you both.”

“We hate you too,” you and Mattheo replied dryly in unison.

Theo scoffed and took a hesitant step closer. He chewed on his bottom lip nervously and looked at you as he sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “What about the…y’know, disagreement?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, I’m still mad at you for that.”

“Yeah, and I’m mad at you too!” Mattheo interjected before leaning in to loudly whisper to you, “What exactly are we mad at him for?”

“Teddy’s only been my friend for the last six years because he thought he’d get lucky.” You said through a tight smile.

“That’s not- I- I mean, it kind of is, but- it’s-”

“That’s kind of a dick thing to do, Teddy,” Mattheo said in a mocking tone.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Riddle. Like you’re not doing the exact same thing!”

“Wait, what?” You interrupted at that, but the boys continued arguing.

“You don’t get to call dibs on a person, Nott!”

“You don’t get to hook up with your best friend's crush, Riddle!”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk,” Mattheo seethed.

“Boys!” You snapped suddenly.

They both went dead silent, looking over at you with matching deer-in-headlights expressions like they’d forgotten you were there—despite the fact that you were the literal topic of their argument.

“Are you done with the damn fighting?” You prompted, your eyes narrowing.

“Yes, Y/n,” both boys chorused sheepishly, only to shoot each other glares when they thought you weren’t looking.

“Good boys,” you taunted. “Now, kiss and make up.”

“What? I’m not going to-” Theo spluttered.

“I wasn’t asking, Theodore.”

“Fine,” Theo seethed in annoyance, grabbing Mattheo by the back of his neck and yanking him into a harsh kiss. There was no romance there. No lust, no real passion. Just jealousy and anger.

Mattheo, ever the slut, still moaned and grabbed onto Theo’s hips to pull him closer, practically climbing into his lap.

Theo growled, biting down hard on his bottom lip. Mattheo whimpered and unabashedly started grinding against Theo’s thigh, moaning like a goddamn Muggle porn star.

“Fucking whore,” Theo hissed against his lips, shoving him back down onto his bed. “Thought I could trust you.”

“What, so it’s okay for you to incessantly chase Y/n, but when I do it, I’m a whore?”

“Yes!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, Nott.”

You rolled your eyes at their pettiness. “For the love of Merlin- you’re both stupid, how about that?”

They pause their bickering to glance over at you.

“What did you just call us, darlin’?” Mattheo asked in a suspiciously calm voice, seemingly unbothered by the fact that his best-friend-slash-current-enemy-slash-crush-stealer was actively straddling him and busying himself by nibbling and sucking at Mattheo’s neck.

A sarcastic comment died in your throat as you watched them interact. Despite Theo being preoccupied, coaxing tiny sounds out of Mattheo’s mouth with every jealousy-fueled nip at his neck, his gaze remained locked on yours.

You gulped. You’d been so confident before, but now they were staring at you with matching expressions of jealousy, possessiveness, and lust.

Ah.

Whoops.

[iiiiiiis-things]

Y/N MAKES: PANCAKES

pairing: Duke Dennis x femblack!reader

cw: MENTIONS of fingering, kai being a dumbass, agent is your twin, that's it ??

blurb: soooo yeah i rmb watching markiplier makes literally all the time so this may or may not be a series.

a/n: ummm hey ?? 😂 yes ik i've been gone i'm gonna keep it real school is rlly taking over everything so i won't be posting as frequent i'll post like once or twice a month unless it's a reblog.. but in the summer i do intend to be more present !! (may or may not drop something in valentine's day we'll see 😗)

"duke get your ass in here" he walks infront of you and kai to get to his side of the table and you take the opportunity to smack his ass with the spatula

"bae."

*smack*

"dawg."

*smack*

"ouch! nigga stop!"

he turns around giving you a stank eye rubbing his ass cheek

________

"once upon a time, in New York City, the bronx. there was a woman who dreamed a dream. to take the previously made invention of pancakes and turn it into something incredibly new and interesting and zesty." before you could finish your intro kai cuts in from the back

"woah"

"kai shut the fuck up"

________

"i have decided that it should be up to me a fine ass black woman to revive the art of lost art...of pancake... art"

"you're doing great babe"

"duke."

rolling your eyes you take a deep breath and continue on to introduce your 'guest' "but as much as i wanted to, this fine ass black woman can't do it alone i present to you." you slam your hands down on the table creating a loud boom before lifting your hand up to your right

Duke walks into the frame and made the poor choice to get his revenge and smack the hell out of your ass with his spatula, which resulted in you smacking the hell out of the side of his fat ass head "known for his strong ass flipping capability, if he were to flip at 100% capacity he would annihilate the entire universe- and trust me. i know" a smile spreads across your face as you you make eye contact with him, he laughs before resuming his composure staring at the camera with an intense look "a lot of people may call him by his nick name 'duke dennis'" you use finger quotes around his name "but his legal name is actually my man. sooo"

"it is?"

"yes it is."

he sides eye you "ion-"

"NEXT! we have the crust nestor" you raise your left hand as Kai walks in rubbing his chin as if he fine or something "if you were to even question anybody who has the greatest, crispiest, goldenest crust" "i don't think that's a word" your brother leans over and whispers

"kai"

"my bad"

"as i was saying. the greatest, crispiest, goldenest crust in the world.. they would say my brother" you stretch your hands out as you describe him. kai brows furrows at his introductory "i have a name" you look over to him and there was just silence before the video was cut to the next clip

"and if you're wondering who I am, among the two negros standing next to me well, i can't believe you dont recognize me"

"your not that popular" Kai says shaking his head in denial and laying his palms flat on the table

"okay you know what, kai.. you getting on my last nerve" you turn your body around to fully face him lowering your tone as like your mother did anytime she was about to pop the shit out of him for asking to get something from the store "i'm sorry" his head hangs low and Duke turns his head to the side and brings a hand to cover his mouth, hiding his smile.

"like i let you be in my video" "i know, i know" Kai shakes his head "and you come in here disrespecting me like i won't slap the shit out of you" you make italian hands and cock your head to the side "ok sis, i'm sorry" rolling your eyes you wrap up your introduction.

"now let's get started and with this trio of perfection, how could anything go wrong?"

________

the next clips shows you slamming the bag of flour on the table in front of you as your boyfriend and brother line it up with everything else "we're going in RAW, unpro-" before you can finish your sentence Kai bursts outs laughing and Duke joins him causing you to roll your eyes.

"we're not using recipes! we're not using measuring cups! we've been doing this for hundreds of years" you side eye duke and point his way "him fasho- but uh we totally know EXACTLY, what to do with the ingredients on display on the table on th- here.. on the table.. displayed-here..." (i actually had a stroke writing this)

"it's ok, take your time baby"

"alright, whatever we're starting now. twin give us the count down" agent starts to count down from three and you immediately go for the flour "also i forgot to mention that someone-" you glare at Duke pouring at least 1 cup of flour in your bowl "forgot the buttermilk" for some reason the first thing Kai did was spray his bowl with pam which Duke notices "the fuck?" he stops pouring the sugar in his bowl to look at Kai because for some reason the next thing he decides to do is pour in the milk.

"see unlike these two idiots, i know that your supposed mix the dry ingredients first" you say glancing up at the camera "where are the spoons?" you look around the table as Kai lifts his head and winces "oh shitttttt- my bad yall"

"nigga"

"are you serious?"

you then smack your lips "fuck it" you start to mix the dry mix with your hands after doing that you grab the vegetable oil and pour just a little inside "ice spice is so fine" Kai grabs an egg cracking it inside "she wants me to be in her new music video" Duke furrows his eyebrows grabbing the oil from you "you?" you grab the carton of eggs from Kai's side of the table "yes. me nigga" kai smacks his lips as you accidentally bump into him knocking almost half his mixture out of his bowl "my bad"

"so as you can see my opponents being the dumbass they are used two eggs when your only supposed to used one" you use your white girl voice as you crack an egg into your bowl "yall this how I be in y/n pussy" you look at duke who holds up the bowl and starts to use his middle and ring finger to mix his pancake solution "boy stop lying you be like this" you lift your fingers creating a 'c' motion duke smacks his lips and stops you "girl no the fuck i don't, i be like-" before he could correct me kai yells at us with a face of disgust "OKAY we get it god damn"

_______

after playing around for a little bit time eventually runs out and the three of you attempt to create at least a few decent pancakes "we have syrup right?" Kai asks "duh why the fuck would we have pancakes and no syrup?" Duke responds to Kai. he smacks his lips and his brows come together as he starts to get irritated "bro didn't you forget the buttermilk?" "didn't u forget the spoons?" "okay but at least-"

"oh my god both of y'all shut the fuck up."

you all finish up your pancakes in separate rooms to create a little bit of suspense and to see who pancakes turned out the best and after setting the camera back up it was time to present.

"hey guys" agent waves at the camera as he fixes the flash "i'm going to be the judge of everyone waffles" you look up and fixes his statement "pancakes" "same difference"

______

"why the fuck is it hard?" agent tries to cut Kai black ass pancake with a knife but it doesn't budge "and black" Duke adds trying to get Kai eliminated but the way your twin was struggling to slice it was already enough. "you see it was a visual representation of my sister" Kai uses his arms to explain as you step forward "nigga u tryna be funny? alls i see is a black ass blob"

"it was supposed to be a monkey."

agent ends up picking up the mess with his hand, but it was so hard he couldn't even take a bite..

"alright next." he moves over next to you and removes the lid on top of your plate and he immediately begins laughing. Duke and Kai comes up to see what so funny as they soon realized what you created "i was inspired by the song peaches and eggplants featuring sexyy red and mulatto" your white girl voice comes back as you hold up the plate for the camera to see. obviously it was a peach and eggplant you even took the time to color your batter but what agent found so hilarious was the powdered sugar and whip cream spread across the peach and syrup leaking from the tip of the eggplant.

"alright, alright cmon lemme taste it" he grabs a fork and begins to slice through "hey!! i can cut through this one!" Duke laugh booms throughout the house as Kai rolls his eyes, after successfully cutting a nice piece of the peach he stuffs it into his mouth and begins chewing "mmm." you look at him with momma lips telling him he better say something good or he was gonna be fired "i mean yeah it's good. like real shit. but-" you whip your head to him seeing what else he has to say "wayyy to much whip cream, it makes the waffle extra sweet it would've been better with a drizzle of syrup" you once again correct him "pancakes" "shut up, tomato tomata"

"ok duke you ready?" "no" " to bad" he removes the lid exposing his pancake which didn't look bad at all but he forgot one thing "just normal waffles?" you scream from behind the camera "PANCAKES" "I KNOW WHAT I SAID" your boyfriend breaks up the small bickering "well shit how was i supposed to know we was making eggplants and monkeys? ain't nobody told me shit." he shrugs as agent cuts through his pancake and drowns it in syrup that spilt over on the plate before stuffing it in his mouth "mmm. it's not bad" you walk back into the camera frame wrapping your arms around Duke waist giving him a peck on the cheek which makes him grin "don't playyyy! see my baby can cook!" "but-" "damnit never mind" duke frowns as he catches an attitude and removes your arms from around him and agent continues "i don't know what the fuck u did but this is the chewiest waffle i ever tasted"

you walk over to the plate and you grab another fork to taste, cutting a small triangular piece you bite the tip off immediately realizing what twin was talking about "it's not necessarily chewy... it's like.. doughy" waving Duke over he walks up behind you wrapping one arm around your waist. lifting up the fork with leftover pancake on it you bring it to his mouth as he takes a big ass bite stuffing the rest in his mouth. Duke chews and chews soon swallowing "i don't see what yall talking 'bout that shit good" he points to his plate. Kai pops up out of nowhere with a fork squeezing inbetween you and agent trying to snag a piece he rolls his eyes and leaves back behind the camera to make sure it was still recording. "what the shit ?? this shit taste like ass" Kai immediately spits it out and Duek smacks his lips "nigga stop playing wimme that shit taste amazing!"

you move over grabbing your own plate over so the three of you can taste it. you and your brother both take a bite of the eggplant as Duke waits patiently for you to feed it to him "mmm. yeahh thats perfect. i don't even wanna taste the peach" kai shakes his head in disbelief that you actually made a decent pancake, rolling your eyes u feed duke a small piece of the eggplant, being a little nervous for his reaction "mmhm." he balls his fist bringing it to his mouth "oh yeah" he points towards your plate "that's the shit right there" you smile glad that he took a liking to your creation "thank you baby" you give him a kiss and Kai once again interrupts "ALRIGHT, my turn!"

"i'm not eating that shit."

[base0h]

Yo I got this idea from your pickle fic you did a couple months ago.

Monster trio,law and kidd super gluing a pickle jar and ask their s/o to open it and to their surprise their s/o opens it without any problems

I love your crack fics so much

Please and ty

a/n - I’m so glad you like my humor because sometimes I feel like I’m so unfunny 😂💜 oml kidd would break the jar (also I can’t fit all of the characters so I had to omit Sanji 😭😭)

Warnings ⚠️ - I bully Kidd, crack, g/n reader

- Bro thought that maybe he could troll you back since he couldn’t open the pickle jar a couple days ago (he’s still depressed, so no one talks about it) y’all just pretend it never happened

- zoro: hah! Remember that time when you couldn’t open the-

- everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

- luffy: huh?

- poor zoro 💀 he didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to talk about it since they left him at the previous island

- He was all tightening the pickle jar with the glue, giggling and kicking his feet just imagining you not being able to open it like him, so you’d be embarrassed like him. (He’s evil, beware)

- he skipped over to you and handed you a pickle jar, “Hey y/n, can you open it for me while I go grab something to eat?”

- you nodded, grabbing the pickle jar and opening it with ease. Huh, that’s weird, why would Luffy ask you to open it?

- he had such a big mischievous grin when he came back and then when he saw the pickle jar sitting next to you, the cap right next to it, oml he freaked out

- “HUH? HOW DID YOU OPEN IT-?!”

- “What do you mean? It was super loose.”

- ….

- nah he’s dead now watch him go sob in the corner

- man was sobbing for about an hour or two before Sanji was able to feed him some meat to make him stop crying. Has ptsd with pickle jars now- and you felt bad so you gave him a jar for him to open (you could’ve opened it but you wanted to make him feel tough and strong 💜💜)

- “Luffy, I just can’t open this thing, can you open it?”

- The way his eyes lit up and he just RAN to help you, “MHM! Sure!”

- opened it without a problem and puffed his chest out, crossing his arms, “Shishishi~ I’m strong!!!!”

- “You’re the strongest captain ever! King of the pirates! Roger wishes he was you!!!” -you

- He was giggling, flexing his muscles and all lmfao

- man Luffy is lucky to have you as his personal best cheerleader 💜💜😭

- oh nah, the prank you did on him did not end well 💀 man literally blew up and poor killer had to just sit there in the midst of his explosion (his mental health was harmed in the process of this)

- things chilled out after you managed to give him a hug and some cuddles and coaching him through calming breaths (he does yoga to relax you can’t convince me otherwise)

- Kidd the yogi 💀💀💀

- So he decided that it’d be absolutely hilarious to do the same pickle jar prank on you bec he’s an asshole and a dumbass

- Idk how he did it, but he spent all night formulating and researching which glue was the best until he just decided to weld it shut

- “Kidd what are you doing?” -killer

- “Go to bed killer.”

- stfu Kidd don’t be mean to your best friend 💀

- fast forward to the time of the prank, he handed you the jar with a literal shit eating grin on his face, bro could not stop giggling (sounds like a fucking clown. And I don’t mean in a good way.)

- “Why are you giggling..?” -you

- “No reason >:)”

- You opened it, continuing to watch your show on the tv, handing it back to him. There was a moment of silence that lasted about 5 minutes. He was not moving, blinking, nor breathing for that matter. Killer walked by the room, and took a picture before walking away 💀

- man just started yelling outta nowhere, scaring the literal shit out of you

- “WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!” -Kidd

- “WHAT THE FUCK KIDD?!” -you

- “HOW DID YOU FUCKING OPEN IT?”

- “IT WAS FUCKING LOOSE.”

- “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WELDED THE FUCKIN THING SHUT!”

- “…..”

- “Why the fuck did you weld it shut you dumbass?” -you

- he beat you up (correction) you beat him up for even trying to beat you up

- he didn’t seem that affected by your prank earlier but trust me, he’s crying on the inside, praying to corazon and asking: why tf am I so fucking weak

- after you told him it was just a joke he was pretty mad and ignored you for about a day (before he just couldn’t ignore the love of his life anymore😂)

- but yeah lesson learned, don’t do it again

- well he thought it’d be funny to do it to you since it made him so irritated (he will not admit that and will tell you that Bepo made him do it or something like that)

- the hardest part for him was asking you for help because anytime he does you get all smirky and say: “ooooo you need my help??? 😏”

- “never mind I don’t.”

- “NO- IM SORRY ILL HELP!”

- so yeah he was a bit nervous about asking you- but he had to do it lmao

- “Y/n-ya, can you open this for me?”

- “Sure.”

- you literally opened it in seconds, you didn’t even struggle.

what the fuck?

- “Y/n. How did you open that?..”

- “It was loose, did you loosen it?”

- “…….I’m gonna go to bed now.”

- “it’s 2pm!”

- “I’m. Going. To. Bed.”

- went straight to his computer to look up

- “Is my s/o a demon?”

- “what is the strength level for opening glued shut pickle jar”

- “911 marine hq”

- “counseling hotline”

- “can glue expire?”

- “am I weak?”

- Zoro was still pretty mad that he couldn’t open the jar last time, so he’s added, “opening pickle jars for y/n, 20 reps, 2 sets, give pickles to Luffy.”

- his workout page looks like a Barbie notebook you cannot tell me otherwise

- everything is pink and neon green 💀

- anyway, mayyyyybe Luffy convinced him to do the same prank on you because Luffy kept laughing at him about it, poor moss head’s self esteem was a bit low now 😭

- So he grabbed a jar, glued the damn thing shut and went over to you (took a while because he could not find you)

- “hey y/n. Can you open this for me? I’m gonna go train.”

- “Sure.”

- he hid behind the corner, watching as you took the jar and paused, continuing to read your book before opening it with ease, putting it back on the table next to you

- man was flabbergasted.

- how the actual fuck did you do that?????

- “Zoro??? What do you want me to do with the jar?!” -you

- His plan to hide out behind the corner was ruined the moment Luffy came over and fucking said hello to him

- “Oh hey zoro!! Whatcha doin?”

- “SHUT UP!”

- “huh?”

- You turned around to see Zoro trying to shut up poor Luffy who literally wanted to just say hi 😭

- “Zoro what are you doing?? I opened the jar, is it for Sanji’s meal?”

- “….Yeah just- give it to him.”

- he looked sad, it was painful for your heart

- imagine getting stabbed, then reading something sad, listening to sad music, and then realizing. You’re sad.

- that is what this felt like

- you tried your best to comfort him (even though you didn’t know why he was sad) so you watched him train and you sat on his back while he did pushups. Seemed to make the poor guy feel better, but you still didn’t know why he was so sad in the first place :’)

a/n - poor zoro

[wyrmswears]

Can you draw some Cole, Jay, and Kai (ninjago) shenanigans?

(I believe this is called the "dumbass trio" because they are literally so silly and I love them for that)

of course! click for quality, original

[songmingisthighs]

Kitty Baby Princess

group : ateez

pairing : bf!mingi × reader

genre : smut, relationship

wc : 6.4 k

warning : possessive!mingi, unprotected sex (wrap it up to prevent an oopsie), slight voyeurism, panty giving, sniffing, and licking (literally one scene), sleazy-ish san making an appearance, switch!mingi, kinda rough sex ??, freaky shit, nasty language, cumming untouched, slight degradation ? (m receiving) I truly blame @byuntrash101 for turning me into this kind of a person. idk what to tag here anymore this fic is debauchery. lmk if i should add anymore warnings thanxx

a/n : THANK YOU @byuntrash101 FOR GIVING ME THIS IDEA FROM THIS >:D and ofc for letting me run with it <3 i hope you suffer as bad as me thanxx and i admit i kinda went overboard with this? but like... it's mingi ?? and i wanna do the original hc justice

a/n/n : i spent 7.5 hours on this mostly because i procrastinated bc it was 12.30 fucking am and it's 8.06 am rn i hath nawt slept yet. I hope this fic make sense tho, i hate to see this as a fail so pls lmk where i messed up

buy me coffee ?

Mingi was starting to think that inviting you to dinner was a bad idea.

It's not that he doesn't love having you around because God, he wished you'd just move in with him. It's not that you don't fit in with his friends because WooSan has made you an honorary dumbass trio which caused Seonghwa to pop a vein. And it's not because you didn't know how to dress up because you absolutely do. Which was the main reason anyways because Mingi kept eyeing you from the couch like a lion preparing to pounce on his prey but as much as he wanted to fuck you in the middle of the room, he didn't know if you'd be open to that.

So he sat by himself, biting his bottom lip while his eyes devoured your whole being. You, who were not even doing anything but stand near the dining area talking to San and Seonghwa with your short skirt and frilly sleeves. On one side, Mingi would like to do nothing but rip every bit of stupid fabric off of you in one tear because how dare they cover you up from his sight? But on the other side, he wanted to appreciate how pretty and delicate and absolutely ethereal you look in mundane clothing. When Mingi's tongue darted across his lips, he could almost imagine how you would taste and the sounds you would make. He had made you sit on his face so many times that the taste of you will forever be embedded in his tastebuds and mind. Just the thought of eating you out in that stupid, stupid skirt made him clench his jaws tightly.

Mingi might think that he's so slick, but in reality, you've been feeling his gaze on you since the moment you detached yourself from his lap and went over to talk to Seonghwa and San. Mingi is rather straightforward when it comes to you and what he wants (so technically you) and even when he wanted to play his feelings off, you knew him better than that. So the whole time you talked with San and Seonghwa, you have been intentionally striking poses that will allow Mingi to get a flash of your skimpy underwear or poses that will accentuate your figure be it your ass or boobs. Mingi, God bless him, loves you for whatever you had to offer him. When asked by Wooyoung whether he was an ass or boob man, Mingi literally said "I'm a (y/n) man," and you made sure to reward him that night by letting him overstimulate you to the point of crying and cockwarm you through the night and wake you up with a rough pounding. Safe to say that was the first time you said I love you to him (his was the first time you went down on him). Not to be a total attention whore, but you loved knowing that Mingi had his attention completely on you even when you two were not in close proximity. It was as if the two of you owned the world and the others were mere decorations.

When San and Seonghwa excused themselves to go get the delivery food that arrived in the middle of San telling you Wooyoung's latest prank attempt that almost resulted in their fridge almost breaking down, you made your way to your boyfriend whose smoulder melted into an adorable pout. You chuckled at the sight and let your body fell into his opened arms with your knees trapping his left thigh and your thigh that was between Mingi's legs rested so close to his crotch. Upon impact, Mingi immediately wrapped his arms around your body, resting his chin rest on your chest as he looked up at you, "Tell me why we can't bail this dinner and just hole ourselves in my room and fuck?" he whined, hands travelling under your skirt to cup your asscheeks in his big and warm hands. Your eyes widened at the sudden gesture and your head immediately shot to where San and Seonghwa were, making sure they didn't see you in such a position. Looking back at your boyfriend, your hand slapped his shoulder as his hands found their way inside your panties to caress the soft skin of the flesh he liked to spank during sex. "May I remind you that you invited me for DINNER and not sex?" you pointed out, lips threatening to curl into a smile at the feeling of Mingi oh so affectionately stroking your ass. Mingi groaned and buried his face between your chest, "You MAY remind me, doesn't mean I have to like it," he grumbled, suddenly biting on the inside of your clothed breast, forcing a yelp out of you.

Sometimes you wondered how you could be so soft for your giant hunk of a boyfriend. Sure, he's tall, muscular, big, and big, but he's your baby just as much as you are his, or maybe even more. You couldn't help but feel bad at his use of dejected voice and you really were planning on staying the night over anyways. So you decided to give him something to hold on to. Literally.

Looking at where Seonghwa and San were (still making sure that the restaurant got their order because your carnivore of a boyfriend and his roommates are very particular about their food) just in case, you pushed yourself slightly back which confused Mingi. He was about to ask what you were doing when you suddenly turned around so your ass was facing him and bent down. The sight of your panties got Mingi's jaw to drop and when you pull them down to reveal your bare cunt, Mingi's mouth immediately felt dry. With eyes glued to the folds where he usually buried his face, Mingi's tongue automatically slipped between his lips and he leaned forward to get a taste. Much to his disappointment, however, you grabbed your panties and turned around. "What are you doing?" you asked with a raised eyebrow. "What are YOU doing presenting yourself to me like that? Now come on, let me get a taste," he whined, grabbing your hips and flipping your skirt up to expose your bare cunt to his eyes. You let out a yelp of surprise when he got close to actually burying his face between your legs. Extreme measures had to be taken so you reached for his throat and pressed on his jugular enough that he choked slightly, allowing you to push him back against the couch, "You are not about to eat me out in the middle of the living room where your friends could see us, you hear me?" The way you sounded so serious and the pressure you put on his throat managed to make Mingi's head spin a little, loving how you took over. You retracted your hand to allow air back into Mingi's lungs, holding yourself back from mauling him from the way his eyes fluttered. You just know that he was getting so aroused.

While Mingi was distracted, you slipped your panties into his palm and leaned close as you heard Seonghwa and San walking back slowly with food. "Something for you to hold onto until after dinner," you said before giving him a soft peck on his cheek and retreating to help Seonghwa and San with the food. It took Mingi a couple of seconds to realize that you were no longer on top of him and just as he was about to be disappointed, he noticed your frilly panties in his hand and he perked up. His head snapped to look for you, giddiness evident in his eyes. You were taking the food out of the plastic bag when you noticed Mingi grinning widely at you, a sight that made you smile to yourself. That smile fell however when Mingi blatantly dangled your panties in front of his face for him to take a big whiff, making a whole show of fluttering his eyelids and rolling his eyes to the back of his head. Your face reddened immediately and you would've screamed had Seonghwa and San seen what Mingi did which thankfully they didn't because San had his back to Mingi and Seonghwa was in the kitchen.

Trying to be as discreet as you could, you gestured for Mingi to stop doing what he was doing but much to your dismay, the man spread your panties in his large hand and stuck his tongue out. You knew where that was going but when Mingi actually took a fat stripe on the spot that made contact with your pussy, your knees almost buckled and you were sure that your face was burning so hot, smoke should be coming out of your ears. It was a miracle San didn't realize what was happening.

Thankfully, Mingi immediately shoved the panties into his pants when Seonghwa called him out for dinner. Yes, he shoved it INSIDE his pants so that his cock wouldn't miss your cunt so much, or so he told you when he whispered directly into your ears as he pulled your chair like a gentleman. Gentleman my ass. What kind of gentleman shoved his hand inside your skirt as he made conversation with his dormmates? What kind of gentleman trace the slit of your pussy as he asked you how you were? What kind of a gentleman stuck one of his fingers between your folds when he pretended to reach over you to get a side dish? Freaky bastard. Nevertheless, the same bastard that made you clench your thighs as you silently hoped your arousal wouldn't stain the cushioned chair. It was bad enough that he was teasing you, but Seonghwa was sitting across him and San was across you, they could've easily seen what Mingi was doing and based on how you were biting your lips, they could've easily made an assumption on what was going on.

You decided that you might want to get some revenge on Mingi. The more he touched you under the table, the bigger your desire grew for him to have a taste of his own medicine. Your opportunity came when Seonghwa said he had prepared dessert for you after knowing that you would be joining them for dinner. Of course, as a polite guest, you offered to help him which means Mingi's hand had to momentarily part with your cunt. But of course, to tease you, Mingi stuck his slick-covered fingers into his mouth as he made eye contact with you, smirking when your eyes once again widened. This time, San noticed the interaction between you two, however, staring confusedly with an eyebrow raised but not saying anything, not even to point the behaviour out.

As you moved around the kitchen with Seonghwa, you made sure to sway your hips as sensually as you can, knowing that your boyfriend was staring at your ass the whole time. It wasn't like he was being subtle about it anyway, you saw how hard he was biting into his chopsticks, he could've bent them easily. Too focused on teasing your horny boyfriend, you almost forgot where you were and what you were doing and it made you clumsy as seen by how you accidentally dropped the spoon Seonghwa handed over to you before he reached for the plates in the cupboard. "Whoops!" you said, bending down to grab the utensils on the floor as you flash your boyfriend your bare, glistening cunt. The sight was enough to elicit a groan out of Mingi which was caught by San, thinking that his friend was hurting. But when San saw that Mingi was staring at something, he instinctively turned to look at what Mingi was looking at too which was a bad idea because he hadn't planned on seeing one of his best friends's girlfriend's pussy on full display. His eyes widened in shock and he so wanted to tear his eyes off but he couldn't, he couldn't even help but be affected, suddenly very aware of the fabric of his underwear that rubbed against his cock when he started shifting around in his seat.

"(y/n)?" San called out mindlessly, surprising you enough to the point that you immediately stood up and turned around. Mingi's daze was also broken when San called out to you and it didn't have to take a damn genius to deduct the fact that San totally saw your pussy, it was all over his face; the shame, the blush, and if you look closer, the way he started to uncomfortably tug on his pants. The three of you stayed in your positions, frozen, not knowing what to do or say while Seonghwa remained oblivious.

You were damn embarrassed to have been caught in that position, flaunting your princess parts (or so Mingi calls your pussy) to your boyfriend's dormmate. Despite it being an accident, the shame was still very much real. You couldn't even dare yourself to look up, not even when Seonghwa asked about the cake he bought. You managed to play it off as you inspected the cake, making up crap on the spot to justify your not looking him in the eyes as you talked to him. What were you supposed to do? You didn't know what to do if San was looking at you which he so totally was and Mingi witnessed all this. He saw how San was sneaking glances at you as his cheeks were tinted red. What caught Mingi's interest was that the blush and San's mannerisms didn't show shame, it didn't even show that he was sorry for even seeing you in such a state, heck, not even disturbance. It was the shade and mannerisms of a man who was appreciating someone in a sexual manner. Mingi didn't like that, Mingi didn't like that one bit. He had hoped that by putting a hand on your thigh San would stop his stare and obvious intrigue but of course, that did nothing.

"You know hyung, I think this cake is great, it's sweet but it's not so sweet," Mingi stated after having a spoonful of cake. "Oh? I think this cake is on the sweeter side," Seonghwa said, raising an eyebrow and trying another bite. Mingi shrugged as he finished his cake, "I don't think so because nothing is as sweet as my (y/n) here," he made a point of winking at you before staring at San in triumph. But much to his surprise, San didn't bat an eye, he wasn't threatened. Heck, he had a look of intrigue and knowing his friend, Mingi realized his mistake of calling you sweet. He was willing to bet his gaming setup that San was totally thinking about how your pussy must've tasted.

Luckily dinner came to an end rather quickly because Seonghwa had to rush out to deal with a Hongjoong emergency (aka Hongjoong had just started unpacking the last of his boxes after moving into the new dorm MONTHS after). There were four of you left alone in the dorm; you, Mingi, San, and damn awkward silence.

"Well," Mingi coughed as he grabbed his dishes from the table ever so slowly so he could get his brain to create some kind of excuse. San stood up while shaking his head furiously, "No, no, you... You leave the dishes to me, I'll take care of them tonight and you can take over my turn next time," San said, smiling to his friend though the smile didn't reach his eyes. Nor was it his usual smile, it seemed rather restricted. Surprised, Mingi blinked confusedly at San, "Uh... It's okay, I can-" "No, you should spend time with your girlfriend. Think of it as me doing you a favour," San cut him off, shifting his eyes at you who was already looking at him with wide eyes. For a moment, San was reminded of the image of your cunt to which he immediately shake his head to erase the image from his head as if he was an etch-a-sketch. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't quick enough as Mingi caught the look on San's face and he could feel his blood boil, hating the idea of his friend thinking about his baby's princess parts.

Abruptly, Mingi tugged your arm to stand up, "Thank man, I'll be sure to do you a favour next time," he smiled curtly, wanting to leave the dining area immediately to get some damn privacy. San wasn't surprised that Mingi acted as such because the behaviour was very much similar to the time Wooyoung talked about your tits after a trip to the waterpark. San was just hoping that Mingi wouldn't superglue his mouse to his mousepad before an important game.

Figuring that you were in the clear, you moved to follow Mingi, bidding San a good night and telling him that you had a good time out of sheer politeness. Seeing as you were interacting with him again, San stopped you by calling you, making you turn around while your boyfriend waited by the hallway that led to his room. "I-I," San had to clear his throat, acknowledging that what he wanted to say was rather embarrassing. But he swallowed his shyness and just gave you a smile, "I-I'm sorry for what happened earlier, I didn't mean to look at..." He trailed off as he gestured to your body awkwardly. While you were mortified that he brought up the topic again, you were glad that he didn't explicitly said what he did. Thinking that the situation had passed anyway, you smiled back and shook your head, "No worries San, it was an honest mistake," you assured him.

"For what it's worth," Just as you were about to join your boyfriend, San made you halt your steps once again. You tilted your head slightly which made Mingi feel irked because you were paying his friend too much attention for his liking especially considering the fact that the particular friend had seen something he shouldn't and that Mingi was needy. "You had nothing to be ashamed about, you have a very pretty... Kitty..." San said, not realizing that he had glanced lower at your body and even let his tongue dart out slightly to lick his bottom lip before looking at you straight in the eyes again, "Mingi is indeed a very lucky guy just as we all have said. But tonight I got a confirmation."

You couldn't even answer San when Mingi pulled you into his arms and shielded you away from his apparently sleazy-adjacent friend, "Thanks man but she knows I'm so lucky to have her," he said through gritted teeth. Now he's absolutely pissed.

In a flash, you were tossed onto the bed in Mingi's room. Your body bounced slightly and while you were still in a daze of surprise, Mingi crawled on top of you. "How fucking dare you," he growled, diving down to capture your lips in a desperate kiss. You yelped slightly when Mingi shoved his tongue in your mouth out of the blue. Though he looked pissed because his face looked pissed and he's 6 ft tall with the proclivity to wear anything and everything dark, his kiss showed his real emotion. "Does he not think I already know that I'm so lucky you let me love you?" he whimpered into your mouth when your hands grabbed the hair on the back of his head. "Baby, you know how much I appreciate you for letting me love you, right?" he asked as he pulled away. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of his reddened pouty lips and hazy eyes looking at you, seeking for your approval. You lifted your body slightly with one arm as the other went to cup his chin between your thumb and index finger, letting your thumb swipe his puffy bottom lip that was glistening in your mixed spit, "Of course baby. You're my Minnie Minnie Mingi, you're the only man I allow to touch me however you want," you then leaned closer to blow directly to his ear, making him visibly shudder, "You're the only man I allow anywhere near my princess parts," when you bit down to his ear lobe, Mingi's arms buckled slightly and his eyes rolled to the back of his head while his cock strained against his pants.

You pulled back slightly and pouted at him, "And... Didn't you say you wanted to have a taste of me?" you batted your lashes at him. That absolutely wrecked Mingi's resolve because in one swift movement, he had pushed you all the way to his headboard while opening your legs widely. When Mingi was face to face with your glistening, pulsating cunt, he couldn't help but stare at it while biting his bottom lip, momentarily appreciating it in all its glory. While it technically was rather embarrassing to have your pussy be stared at like that, it was a regular occurrence for you and you knew you had nothing to be ashamed or shy about. How can you? Mingi worshipped the ground you walk on and it made you feel like a goddess. "Still so fucking wet for me," he said to himself as he swiped two of his fingers on the mess of the wetness. Due to not wearing panties and rubbing your legs together the whole night, your arousal was spread everywhere. While Mingi was very possessive of you, oftentimes saying how he didn't want to waste a single drop of your princess nectar, the sight of the glistening even glittering mess was a sight to behold to him.

"Fuck baby, how can your pussy look and taste even more delicious than that damn cake?" was the last thing Mingi said before he attached his lips to your cunt, eliciting a gasp from you.

Mingi took his time eating you out, truly devouring you whole and enjoying every single second of it. To say that Mingi was obsessed with your pussy was an understatement. It seemed like he knew your body better than yours because he understood what every tic, squirm, moan, and arch of the back meant. He knew that you loved how he use his tongue to trace shapes on you and rather than simply flick and nibble on your clit, you love how he use his nose to bump into it. You had even joked that you knew that Mingi was perfect for you due to his pointy nose. No matter how much you love him bumping his nose on your clit, it can't beat how much he absolutely go batshit crazy when you use his nose to get off when you sit on his face. Just the thought got him grinding his hips on the bed. Seeing this, you grabbed Mingi's hair and pulled his face back, causing him to whine. "Did you just hump your bed? I thought I was the only thing your cock wants to make contact with?" you huffed, pouting at him though only meaning it half-heartedly. Mingi shook his head slightly to loosen your grip on his hair before he leaned his head on the junction of your thigh, peppering kisses on the outer lip of your pussy. "Sorry, I can't help but imagine fucking this pussy... My baby's pussy... My baby's pretty pretty pussy," he moaned before engulfing your cunt once more. Though his mouth was busy pleasuring you, his eyes never left your face. He loved the way your face contorted into pleasure when his tongue breached your hole to gather your slick and push it up to your clit as a lubricant so his nose could move more seamlessly. The intensity of your reaction was what got him excited but the knowledge that he was the one who was doing those things to you was what got him addicted. The best part for Mingi though was when you grabbed his hair to fuck yourself on his face. Your hips went wild to chase the kind of pleasure only he could give. When you use him like that, Mingi feels like he is nothing but a toy you used to get off and he feels honoured above anything else.

Just as Mingi was enjoying the feeling of your arousal down his chin while his tongue was fucking you, your hips stopped moving. Mingi was too into his headspace that he initially didn't notice your halted movements, in fact, his mouth only moved on its own automatically, lapping your juice as he flicked, nibbled, and nudged on the sensitive nub. "Baby," you whined out loud, forcing Mingi to slip out of his headspace momentarily to reply with a low hum as his tongue was busy gathering every last drop of you. "I don't wanna cum on your tongue tonight, I wanna cum on your fat cock. I wanna cum while I ride you," you whined, bordering on begging.

Hearing that you wanted to ride him, Mingi pulled away from your cunt with a smirk, "Oh? My princess wants to ride me using her... What did San called it? Your kitty?" he chuckled mockingly. You whined and kicked your legs slightly, embarrassed that he used such language at you and especially using his friend's words on you. Slowly, erotically, Mingi climbed over your body whilst slowly pulling your top off and shoving it down your waist, "If I feed the kitty my cock, will it purr?" he asked as he leaned down to suck a mark in the middle of your chest. "Can the kitty even take my cock, baby? Can my baby's kitty princess part take my load when I cum inside?" you looked down to see his lips wrapped around your right nipple, "Remember when we had sex the first time? Remember how your pussy can't take me? I barely hung onto my sanity that time because I wanted to make you mine but I had to be gentle. I don't think I can be gentle this time," he pouted, leaving your nipple to leave a string of his spit that later dripped down your stomach. Wanting his cock inside you immediately, you nodded frantically, "Yes! Yes! My pussy is already perfectly moulded to take you, Mingi, please, I will ride you so good, I want your cum in me," your hands were wrapped around his neck tightly as you tried to ground up to his hips, wanting to feel his cock on you immediately.

Luckily Mingi couldn't say no to you especially when you became that whiny for him. It was endearing, really.

With steady hands, Mingi flipped you both over so you were straddling his hips. You leaned back on your arms to stare at the bulge straining against its confines between Mingi's legs with a twinkle in your eyes. You knew what was under his trousers, you've seen it multiple times but it never gets old; the excitement of seeing it strain and then pop up like jack-in-a-box. Well, in Mingi's case, it's jacking into a cunt. But it works. Whenever you are presented with the opportunity to undress Mingi, it always feels like opening a present because it actually feels like a present. How can it not? It's only for you and you get to play with it Mingi always lets you take your time with him as he gets to experience the joy of seeing you thrilled just from seeing him.

Slowly, you unbuttoned his pants and when you unzipped his pants, pulling them down just past the midsection of his thick thighs without bothering to take them off completely, you were shocked to see your panties still there. "Mingi!" you exclaimed as you pulled the frilly, flimsy garment like a magician because as soon as the panty was pulled, Mingi's cock popped up tall, spurting some precum on your thigh. Scratch that, soiled frilly, flimsy garment. Your eyes were wide in surprise and wonder, fascinated with how much cum there actually was and excited with the thought that the same amount of cum would be inside you momentarily. Perhaps more.

Mingi looked away in embarrassment when you showed him your panties, completely forgetting that it was there in the first place. With his arms crossed on his still-clothed chest, Mingi pouted and mumbled out an explanation. "It was all your fault for giving me your panties and letting me play with your pussy during dinner, and then to make shit worse, you flashed me your entire pussy when you know I want to bury myself in it 24/7. That's why I came," his cheeks were red which showcased his embarrassment even more but you couldn't understand why he would be embarrassed for cumming from his own girlfriend's teasing. So you cooed at him as you reached to cup his face, urging him to face you, "Aww, baby you don't need to be embarrassed for cumming in your pants like that. I find it absolutely adorable and it's a great ego boost to know that you were so affected by me," you said as you peppered kisses down his jaw. Mingi's embarrassment slowly faded when you told him you liked how affected he was by you. "Really?" he asked, looking at you who were now trailing kisses up his toned stomach as you pulled his shirt off. Nodding, you didn't let your lips stop their path up to Mingi's nipples, "Of course, sweetie. How can I not love the thought of my baby so infatuated by me?" you smiled against his skin.

All of a sudden, Mingi pulled you up so your face was right in front of his. Inhaling the scent of you sharply, Mingi let out a shuddered exhale before speaking out, "Well, you need to remember that this baby needs to have his cock impaling your pussy, so please, please, pretty please fuck yourself on me."

Finally, after so many back and forth between you two, you moved to position your opening above Mingi's awaiting cock after giving him a soft peck on his lips. You knew Mingi loved seeing himself fill you up and you can't disappoint him so you leaned back and opened your legs to hug his hips perfectly with his tip pressing on your cunt. The heavy tip already provided a thrilling stimulation that got you biting back a squeal. Without warning, you lowered your hips so that Mingi's cock would enter you slowly. Mingi was watching how his cock filled you up very closely with his jaw hanging open due to the warmth your cunt provided. His hand reached to part your pussy lips apart so he could see better, not realizing that you had thrown your head back from the additional pressure he accidentally gave to your pussy. "F-fuck," you whimpered, thighs trembling as you finally got all of Mingi inside you. Even after having sex with him (or the more often making love sessions), you still needed time to adjust to him first before actually jumping into action. Mingi hated seeing you struggle no matter what came after that, so to help you, he gently stroked your thighs with his large and warm hands, "I'm sorry that I'm too big," he pouted. To some, it might sound like a brag, but it truly wasn't and thankfully you knew that.

Copying his expression, you pushed yourself to wrap your arms around Mingi's neck loosely and gave him a small smile, "Why are you apologizing? I love your big, fat cock that got me drooling just from the thought of it," you gave an experimental movement by pulling your hips up to see how he would feel only to find nothing but pleasure that was accompanied by a slight pressure. "I love how you could fill me up for days with your stupid extra large cock," you lowered yourself again until your hips met again and Mingi moaned loudly as he threw his head back, "F-fuck yes! My cock is stupid! It's so so stupid for filling you up so good." Tilting your head to the side, you brought Mingi's face back to yours again, "But do you know what I love most about you?" Somehow Mingi managed to look both sexy and innocent when he shook his head, wanting to hear your answer so obediently. "I love the feeling of your cum being dumped inside me because that's how you truly make me yours, you left a part of you in me and I love it beyond anything else."

At the first roll of your hips, Mingi grunted and let his head fall on your shoulder, wanting to keep you close. But you had another plan which involved him laying on his back on the bed. So you pushed him down by his chest which earned you a whine from the giant of a man but you immediately pressed a finger on his lips, "I'm in charge now and I want you lying there on your back looking pretty while I use your dumb cock." Mingi would've protested had it not for the way you started fucking yourself on his cock with your knees trapping his hips as an anchor for your movements. Sure, Mingi loved fucking you into his bed or making love to you under his sheet on a rainy morning, but this? You taking control over him while being on top? It makes him feel like a king while still being doted on. "You love riding your lover, don't you?" Mingi teased as he moaned, loving how tight you were gripping him. "I do, baby, I so fucking do!" It didn't come as a surprise that you let out a loud moan. You both were very vocal in bed what with Mingi's tease and begs and the praises you gave your boyfriend.

What you didn't take into account was the fact that the door to Mingi's room was never closed. So it shouldn't come as a surprise when San walked past the room only to halt in his tracks, getting the second surprise of the day. San felt like he should say something, but considering how you reacted to him seeing your pussy, San felt like he had to tread carefully. How? No clue, eyes busy looking, brain malfunctioning.

You were so caught up with bouncing on top of Mingi to take notice of your guest. Your whole sense was filled with Mingi and it was just so addicting. On the other hand, Mingi noticed San as soon as the man walked by, having the advantage of facing the doorway. While Mingi as a boyfriend is the type to get jealous and very possessive if he found anyone eyeing what is his, Mingi as a lover has no problem reminding people who you belong to, what it takes to satisfy you, and who was the only person who could do it. Mingi couldn't help but think that it was the perfect opportunity to send a message to San. So he sat himself straight and pulled your body close to his so your chests were pressing together. The sudden movement made Mingi's cock hit a different spot in you, the spot that had you squealing Mingi's name as the muscles of your thighs constrict,

"Aww poor baby, let me take over for you, love," he said sweetly to your ear as he eyed San carefully. San should've run to his room, put on his headphones and blasted something loud but he couldn't, he couldn't stop looking at how his best friend's body was tangled with his lover so intricately, so intimately.

Mingi simply wrapped an arm around your shoulders as the other was anchored on his side while his feet spread slightly and were planted firmly. The way Mingi began thrusting into you was something you couldn't replicate. His pace was fast but his movement was precise, it was rather animalistic and painfully addicting. Your head lolled to rest on the side of his neck as your arms wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders, moans spilling out of your mouth incoherently. "Tell me baby, who's making you feel this good?" Mingi asked, eyes maintaining contact with San's, "You! You! You, Mingi! You!" you moaned whimpering when he managed to find your g-spot, causing your legs to snap shut which signalled Mingi that that's where he should be hitting. With precision, Mingi started hitting your g-spot continuously without his speed ever faltering. "Louder! I want everyone to know who you belong to! Who your pussy belongs to!" Mingi smirked when he saw San's eyes widen. "You, Song Mingi! You're the only person w-who- Ah! Who ca-can fuck me l-like this! My body, my pussy, belongs to you, my love, I belong to you!" you cried out pathetically, completely oblivious to the fact that San was listening in the whole time.

It didn't take long for either of you to reach your climax what with being sensitive and having to hold off sex since dinner. You were still sensitive from the way Mingi ate you out so when Mingi began thrusting into you at a bruising strength, you found yourself biting down on Mingi's shoulder, ensuring that a mark would be left behind there. The impact from your bite sent Mingi reeling, with his hips halfway into a thrust, his thighs shook as his ass clenched, cumming hard inside you, painting your insides with his seed. "That's it baby, make me yours. Fill me up so I'm filled with nothing but you," you babbled as your hand reached to stroke Mingis's hair. Mingi's thighs were still trembling slightly as he emptied himself inside of you but at least he was seated down and his body was able to relax slightly, leaning his own head on yours as his grip on your waist remained. The moment felt so intimate that San scurried away to hole himself up in his room. Mingi could only imagine that San was jacking off to him and you fucking, San should only be so lucky to have witnessed not only Mingi's treasure (your cunt) but also the way Mingi made his claim on you.

As you both came down from your high, you remained in your position, not wanting to be separated just yet as you find the other very comforting. Mingi was stroking the skin of your lower back with his eyes closed, enjoying the praises you whispered to him whilst peppering kisses on the skin of his shoulder.

He was content then, being in his own space with the love of his life.

Especially after letting someone who crossed a boundary witness Mingi claiming what is his. Not that Mingi would mind teaching him another lesson.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet

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[sanjisblackasswife]

Could you please write how the monster trio would react if they swap bodies with their s/o?

Monster Trio Swaps Bodies With You (NSFW-ISH)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: Mentions of smut, Also crack, Luffy and Sanji are a bit OOC

Luffy

“Y/N LOOK! IF I HAD MY POWERS I’D DO GUM GUM PISTOL WITH YOUR—“

“PUT A SHIRT ON LUFFY!”

He couldn’t care less about being it in your body, he treats it the exact same way as he does his body so please WATCH HIM

“How do i pee. Y/N. Y/N I have to pee how do I pee—“

“Sit down.”

“No I don’t have to take a dump I have to pee—“

“GIRLS SIT DOWN WHEN THEY PEE—“

He is laughing at it at first, but he doesn’t care too much

Up until he realizes he doesn’t have his powers anymore

He spends all day trying to teach you how to use his stretchy powers especially since you kept accidentally doing it to your arms

“You’re so bad at controlling it. Don’t worry i was that way at first too.”

“SHUT UP AND FIX MY ARMS!”

It’s fun to see him struggle with managing your breast whether they are big or small though.

He’d get so frustrated on how to properly lay down he starts to whine

(a bit NSFW) While in your body, he got aroused and didn’t understand how the hell he got so wet, you explained it to him awkwardly and when you gave him permission to “relieve” himself he demanded that you watch him.

Play with himself

In your body.

It was a pretty fun thing to watch, because he knew the exact struggle of why you always ask him to use his fingers instead of yours.

“How the hell do you masturbate with these short fingers? I see why you always ask me.”

Zoro

Freaking out because he woke up to himself.

“WHO ARE YOU!?”

“I AM YOU!”

“YOU ARE NOT WHO ARE YOU?!”

“YOU DUMBASS WE SWITCHED BODIES I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME!”

“WHO THE HELL IS ‘ME’”

So after an hour of unnecessary screaming Zoro is pissy all damn day about the situation, especially since he can’t train nor fight like he usually does

“You are weak as all hell, Y/N. I can’t even hold my swords in your body.”

“Oh shut up you ass. AND DO NOT PUT YOUR SWORDS IN MY MOUTH THAT THING IS HEAVY!”

“Oh but you can hold it just fine when I put it in your mouth as I fuc—“

“SHUT UP!”

He actually gets upset about your breast.

“…seriously.”

“What? They’re heavy.”

“YOURS ARE BIGGER THAN MINE?!”

You on the other hand—

“Where are you going?”

“I wanna…I wanna ….play with it.”

“….with what.”

“Your dick.”

“…”

“..”

“….please:”

“No.”

“PLEASE ZORO THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY.”

You do but it’s not something he necessarily was happy about.

Sanji

(If you watched Punk Hazard then you already know how he’s ganna act.)

…..

You woke up and he was gone.

In the bathroom.

Taking pictures.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

“BABY PLEASE—“

He was such a giggly mess all day.

His hand was constantly in your shirt, squeezing your breast. He tried not to smoke but you allowed him to so he switched between lolipops and his cigarettes to make sure he doesn’t harm your pretty lungs.

Sanji is so happy to be in your body he spent about 45 minutes trying on outfits to wear

and yes

he picked the tiniest

skimpiest

outfit

You had to actually watch him get dressed. Not because you didn’t trust him but he just wouldn’t hurry up. He kept standing in front of the mirror in y’all room ….naked. Just staring.

“Can you….”

“Your body is so beautiful Y/N…!!”

He was literally living his dream.

Even though he was a pervert for most of it he did take care of your body. He made sure not to bruise it when fighting, he kept you hydrated, and even made sure you kept up with your hair and skin routine.

You however kept looking at yourself in Sanji’s body and got semi-hard.

It felt…weird?

“Sanji…”

“Yes, my love?”

He turns to see you in his body, pointing at his dick and if you had any color on your face it was now gone due to embarrassment.

So

Sanji suggested something

“….How about…we..y’know…”

“…with our bodies switched?”

Sanji nods, and it seemed weird but the thought of feeling a male orgasm interested you

So you agree

Long story short you both do it and from that point on Sanji has a new appreciation for a woman’s body and now he tries EXTRA harder to make you orgasm more AND faster

so

Win/win?

[twstfanblog]

Trio before going back: Yuu is the bane of my existence. She isolates me and clearly doesn’t want me to have any connection with anyone but herself and only lives to see me suffer.

Trio after going back: HOLY FUCKING SHIT YUU WAS IN LOVE WITH ME THE ENTIRE TIME!!!!!

LITERALLY THESE DUMBASSES JUST DIDN'T CONNECT THE DOTS UNTIL THEY RELIZED THEIR OWN FEELINGS FOR YUU.

[derangedanomaly]

...So, Chaos is like my comfort character rn, and him getting mad at us... again... genuinely makes me want to cry, I can't handle getting yelled at... Like at all, and right now I'm literally shaking, if like anyone yells at me in anyway, my brain immediately says that it's my fault and I mad them mad, and to get away from them... Ha ha ha..... I think I have a problem.... But, when I get like this, I hide from the person that yelled at me, for like hours, sometimes I disassociate from the person to the point I stop responding... Completely... And then I avoid them, fearing I'll get yelled at again, and make them mad again. I won't even ask for help, I'll stay quiet and do as I'm told, without a single thought running through my head, like completely empty.

I was wondering if you could write um, some headcanons on Mare, Chaos, and the trio getting angry and yelling at us and then we just start disassociating and then when they stop yelling, we just disappear for hours only to reappear and not say a single word, but avoid them because we feel like we upset them and fear that if we get close to them they'll get angry again. And we won't even ask for things, we just hide and won't come out until our mind feels it's safe. And if they try to talk to us, at all, our mind immediately feels its no longer safe, and then we disassociate again.

You're so real for this.. I literally can't handle arguments- I don't like conflicts at all.

MASTERLIST

THE BOYS X THE READER DISAPPEARING AFTER AN ARGUMENT

NIGHTMARE:

Of course he snapped. How could he not? You keep on making excuses upon excuses, just so you can get out of doing certain chores. Nightmare just can't keep it together anymore... he's seriously too tired for this.

He was surprised when you ran up to your room, and didn't show up the whole day.

He honestly started to get a lil concerned. But his pride didn't let him check up on you

It was a shock to him when you finally came out of your room.

But even through all this... he's still the king of negativity. Of course he's gonna enjoy your negative feelings.

Honestly- won't end well. He doesn't know how to comfort someone, and he'd probably make it worse than it is actually- so.... Not the best choice 😭

CHAOS:

He didn't want to yell... He didn't mean to yell and let his emotions out... But you just suddenly started mentioning his mom...again. He truly doesn't want to think about it- he doesn't want to hear about it. Then something in him just- snapped.

You wouldn't even make it up to your room, before he grabs your hand, and looks at you with tears in his eye.

The only thing that he didn't want to happen- happened. He yelled at you.

You two immediately resolved it!

Everything went back to normal- and now you know not to mention that topic again..

Honestly, one of the best choices here lmao.

ACE:

He tries to stay away from creating conflicts...he can't stand them. He doesn't search for them- and he sure as hell doesn't want them. But hearing you spitting "facts" about his favorite tv show just made him angry..

He feels horrible after he sees you run up the stairs, a total mess.

He also- much like Chaos- won't let it sit. He'll try to immediately solve your argument!

He'd apologize really passionately! Just snuggling up to you, telling you how much he appreciates you..

BLADE:

Blade couldn't keep his cool when you fiddled with his collection of knives. He just COULDN'T. And being the idiot he is, he raised his voice....which he quickly realized was a mistake.

He was confused when you started avoiding him-

This dumbass is such a dum dum that he lets this go on for a whole week 💀

He just doesn't know what to say/do😭🙏🏻

He'd crack though, after he starts missing you.

Yeah...you got yourself a begging mess of Blade lmao

TED:

He doesn't yell at you

[crazylittlejester]

Jes could we get Wars Twi and Sky kitchen shenanigans too? as a lil treat? 🥺 (like as part of the same fic)

- hero-of-the-wolf

(im assuming you mean in the same fic where Wars goes home)

Not in THAT fic, part of the reason why those three get up to such DUMB shit is because it’s just the three of them. The second you add a fourth person nearby, they are no longer stupid. Like, the dumbass trio + Time? They’re back to being smart. Dumbass trio + Wild? Back to being smart. Doesnt matter WHO the fourth person is, they bring back the braincell alskdkdk, and Wars Twi and Sky could not get up to any REAL shenanigans if they were not just completely left alone. And Wars is not going to be away from his family for a long enough period of time to get up to stupid shit because if I’m sendin’ him home he’s gonna spend time with his family. Also they missed his stupid ass so much they aren’t gonna let him out of their sight for long enough to give him a chance to be an idiot

BUT!!! the dumbass trio is important to me so I will be doing a fic where they get up to dumb shit in someones kitchen in addition to the fic where Wars goes home, because i love the mental image of Wars just frozen holding a flaming loaf of bread on a sword while the ADHD decision demons have their claws in Twilight and he’s doing that literal physical bounce and turning between the sink where there is water and facing the front door where he CAN go get Malon for help but his brain can’t let him pick one so he’s stuck in a loop of “OOH- no… OH BUT!! oh no- but OH!!!??” and Sky is on the floor like this:

[littlesmartart]

DRAWTOBER #14 - Wellspring by etherati

Wellspring (n): Where something begins. Trevor’s been throwing rocks and coins and shit into wells for most of his life, without any expectation of getting wishes granted or anything stupid like that. All he really wants is to know there's something down there.

so I started watching Castlevania this year and, as just about anyone could have predicted, I fucking loved it. I think I have read just about every "Sypha and Trevor decide to return to the castle early" AU out there and this one particularly stuck with me. watching poor Alucard recover, and the trio growing closer whilst processing their own individual traumas, the danger and violence that still exists around them but also the overwhelming hope that they have ahead of them... it's so great. I really enjoyed this, and because I'm a dumbass I literally only just, as I was putting drawtober together, noticed that this has a sequel!!! reading it will be what I do with my no-content-november 😎

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 莲花楼/Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Mysterious Lotus Casebook is a 2023 drama about a beautiful twunk who just wants to die of his chronic illness in peace, except that neither the dumbass purebred dog of a man who has decided they're best friends now nor the jock begging him for a rematch are going to let him go without a fight (in the latter's case, literally).

Also they ride around in a magical bamboopunk RV.

I have referred to it elsewhere as "the CW presents: Nirvana in Fire," and I stand by that assessment. (I orginally called it Tiger Beat Nirvana in Fire, before realizing that Kids These Days will not get that reference. Shout out to the other elder millennials in the audience!)

There's been a lot of English-speaking fandom buzz about this show, to the point where if you're in these circles, I'm sure you've heard about it before. I know I had by the time I started watching -- which left me largely unprepared for the actual viewing experience, because the parts of the show that fans talk about are not a representative sample of the show itself.

This drama can be a good time. It's fun to watch. It has some hilarious beats and also some emotional moments. It spent its not-huge budget very smartly, and as such is generally quite lovely to look at. As my League of Nobleman rec will attest, I appreciate raw materials, and this is a show that has some fascinating raw materials.

(Or some materials that need to get rawed, take your pick.) (Also, it's not my fault they didn't do a dramatically lit Fang Duobing shot so I could round out the trio here.)

You'll find some people out there who've gone real hard for this show, doing some deep analyses and getting really emotional over it. I don't want my gentle ribbing to give the impression that those silly fans are delusionally talking like the show's a five-star restaurant when it's really just a fast food joint. Not so! There's a reason it's captivated a whole lot of people! And in case you might be one of those, allow me to give you five reasons you should consider watching it.

1. This bitch

The main character, Li Lianhua/Li Xiangyi is probably 50% of the show's appeal all by himself. He's fascinating. He's gender. He's fashion. He's been afflicted with a substance we called "bitch poison" the whole time we were watching. He has many emotions. He cries a lot. He coughs up blood every other episode. Cheng Yi is putting his whole lianhuassy into this performance, and it shows.

I made the Nirvana in Fire comparison earlier, and I stand by it for a lot of reasons, but the truth is that he's actually much more Opposite Day Mei Changsu: Li Lianhua wants all this stuff to fuck off and leave him alone forever. He is not seeking vengeance, nor does he particularly want to Do Schemes, but Circumstances keep dragging him back into the thick of all this nonsense he thought he left behind when he (mostly) died ten years ago.

The thing is, he used to be a real dick back when he was a kid. And I mean a real dick. He was a dick to his chronically insecure adoptive older brother. He was a dick to his girlfriend with the personality of wet tissue paper. He was a dick to the handsome loser who liked his girlfriend. He was a dick to his followers. He was basically just a cocky little shithead who thought he was the best at everything -- and he actually was the best at everything, which just made it worse.

Li Xiangyi used to think everything (especially himself) was sooooo important, and now that life has massively kicked his ass, Li Lianhua had come around to the position that nothing is actually that important, so let's just all chill and grow vegetables. He doesn't want a rematch. He doesn't want to retake his rightful place as the head of anything. He just wants to pay his respects to the dead before he joins them.

Now will everybody please just stop moving into his house.

2. goof-ass jianghu nonsense (affectionate)

As I mentioned earlier, everything I'd seen about the show on Tumblr had still left me absolutely unprepared for what a silly ride it is. Because it's silly. Hoo boy, is it silly. My wife dubbed it "lace front Phoenix Wright," just to give you a metric for how silly we're talking. Ace Detective Fang Duobing never cross-examined a parrot, but I feel he came close.

This show has some serious goof-ass jianghu nonsense -- you know, the sort of stuff that's impossible and ridiculous, except everybody’s going to treat it like it's just a normal part of existence. Here's a short and certainly inexhaustive list:

mind-controlling bugs

other bugs that control the mind-controlling bugs

ex-conjoined twins

a grown-ass man who can compress himself into bitchy third-grader

grave-robbing societies with secret brag language

so much nonconsensual qi-blocking performed by poking people in the boobs, that can't be safe, everybody wear thicker shirts

magical crossdressing powers

a bad guy who looks like this

a princess who can get abducted and sex-trafficked and, like, nobody really notices? huh.

healing childhood paralysis by the power of believing in yourself

a ... hallucination pit? what was that, anyway?

so. many. mechanisms.

the equivalent of the "he's only mostly dead" business from the Princess Bride

a gradually lethal bookshelf

the strange amnesia everyone suffers from where a dude can cover maybe 30% of his face and render himself immediately unrecognizable to long-time friends and associates

The thing is: I think this goof-ass jianghu nonsense is a legitimate selling point. I found it so fun. I turned off my need for show elements to obey little things like the laws of physics, and I had a good time. It can be a very funny drama, in part because it knows how silly a lot of its shit is, and it chooses to go full speed ahead with a sincere heart. If you are down for some shounen absurdity, you are in for a treat.

However:

2.2. goof-ass jianghu nonsense (derogatory)

I'm granting myself a sub-point here, because this is an important qualifier for the previous point.

I'm going to assume, based on what I've seen from fan responses, that many of the people who really like this show actually don't like the goof-ass jianghu nonsense. They are here for the BL vibes (after all, there are three cute boys who alll have some intense emotions about one another), and therefore downplay all the parts that aren't that. I want to make it clear that this is not a bad thing to do. There are many, many properties where I myself fixate on a single element and toss the rest into the sea. No judgment here.

However, since this is a post written to convine you to watch something, I want to make it clear what you're going to get if you dive in. If you're one of those people who skips scenes and/or entire episodes when your ship of choice isn't onscreen, you're probably going to be doing that a lot here. (I mean, I can't imagine doing this, but Tumblr has taught me that fandom is a rich tapestry.) The bones are good, but the connective tissue can be questionable.

The main thing I wish I'd known before starting is that the mysteries are not the selling point. They are the celery that gets the cute boy peanut butter to your mouth. You, the viewer, absolutely cannot solve them; you're never given enough context or information to keep up with the detective lads, much less get ahead of them. Everyone does everything in the most convoluted way possible, to the point of comic absurdity. Finding out whodunnit is rarely that satisfying, because too often the culprit is Jianghu Steve, You Know, That Guy Over There With The Superpower The Characters All Know About But You'd Never Heard Of Before Thirty Seconds Ago.

The goof-ass jianghu nonsense feels like the place where the show I see fans talking about least lines up with the show that actually exists. And I think that's a shame, because I think the show that actually exists is actually a good time! It's just, you know ... silly.

3. Whenever Di Feisheng's not onscreen, all the other characters should be asking, 'Where's Di Feisheng?

This drama gets sold like it's the adventures of three guys together. (Hell, I kind of did it myself in the intro.) This is not the case. This is the tale of two guys who do most of the plot stuff near one another, and their occasional third, Di Feisheng.

This is a 40-episode series and I swear this guy's onscreen for maybe 15% of the time -- and for half of that, he's just off doing his own thing anyway. He disappears entirely for huge chunks of the series, which is a crime, because he is my absolute favorite.

He is the rare grumpy himbo. He doesn't just have resting bitchface, he has bitchface for all occasions. He somehow has bitchface even during the rare moments he actually smiles. He's got a whole traumatic backstory, but the traumatic backstory is not the reason for the bitchface. He's Just Like That.

(Important to note that the actor himself only slightly has a resting bitchface. Xiao Shunyao can look normal and indeed quite pleasant. He has simply leaned into it real hard for this grouch.)

The one -- one -- reason I can accept his being gone for so ding-dang much of the show is how often he re-emerges with perfect, hilarious timing. Thank goodness the show realizes how much comedic potential his character has, because his unexpected entrances are some of the best laugh-out-loud moments of the series. If the show had taken Di Feisheng as seriously as Di Feisheng takes himself, he would have been unbearable. As it is, he's an unmitigated delight.

While you losers were being heterosexual, he studied the blade.

He makes the perfect foil for both Fang Duobing, who's the human equivalent of a puppy trying to gnaw an elephant to death, and Li Lianhua, who just wants to be excused from this narrative. Di Feisheng and Fang Duobing are basically two dogs fighting over their favorite toy, and their favorite toy is Li Lianhua, who really wishes he weren't. Some of the most compelling and fun moments of the series are when these three losers are all together.

And these three losers are barely all together.

This show is Not Danmei. It's so Not Danmei that I had a tremendously difficult time while making this post finding either official images or screencaps with even two of them in frame at the same time, much less all three. It is, however, a Danmei Starter Kit. I mean, the tag on AO3 has, at present, 742 works in it (283 in English). That's just since July! There are years-old c-drama shows that have a fraction of that fan output! And I'm willing to bet a big reason why is how little the very intense boys with ridiculously compelling interpersonal dynamics actually interact onscreen.

But, I hear you asking, why would less of what the fans want equal more fan goo? Well, friends, that's exactly what the fan goo is for: filling in the blanks. And this here show has a lot of blanks. Look, I've made a very scientific diagram (that many people seem to agree with) about how this all works:

The Hump of Compelling Mediocrity is the place where the amount of stuff worth thinking about far outpaces what the show actually contains of said stuff textually. It is the ideal location for imagination adventures.

Di Feisheng and Li Lianhua's relationship in particular lives right in the middle of that hump, what with the huge gaps in their backstory and all. They are a pair made entirely of unanswered questions. What the hell is going on there? What's their whole history, beyond the big fight? Why are they like this about one another? The show refuses to say. Whatever you imagine, you're correct. Now go tell AO3 about it.

interlude: God's perfect dipshit

I feel like I'm engaging in Fang Duobing erasure in the rest of this post, since he's not at the tip of any of the points I'm making, so I'm going to add a picture of him here, because I love him and want to pinch his perfect little cheeks.

You know what I am shocked by? How the MLC/DMBJ reincarnation fics apparently have not taken hold yet. I give it another two months.

4. IT HAS A DOG

FOX SPIRIT, MY SWEET BABY

'You mean the dog gets a whole selling point to himself' yes the dog gets a whole selling point to himself, because he is a very good dog and a very good boy (and his actor is a very good girl)

Apparently he has a whole backstory in the novel that never gets included in the drama, including an explanation of why he's named "Fox Spirit," if you feel like going and reading up on that.

Sadly, Fox Spirit is in the show even less than Di Feisheng is, and that is a crime, because he could have solved all these silly human mysteries in thirty minutes flat, Wishbone-style.

Dogs are so good.

5. One bad, bad girl

Do you like an unhinged villainess? Someone who's been sucking down Crazy Juice since beat one? Because oh boy, this show's got one of those for you.

Jiao Liqiao wants two things: to rule the world, and to make Di Feisheng her pretty little housewife. And whomst among us does not understand these two impulses?

She's not even the Big Bad! She's mostly just Di Feisheng's personal nightmare. She is the type of woman for whom the phrase "he's just not that into you" was coined. You've got everyone around her telling her, honey, I don't even think I've ever seen him look at a pair of breasts, while she's already planned their whole wedding menu and reserved the venue.

She has spent the last ten years of Di Feisheng's extended vacation making sure she's the one who's actually in charge, functioning as the point person for all the other evil schemes going on. Instead of handing over the reins upon her himbo boss' return, she's just going to keep doing what she's good at. As long as he keeps doing exactly what she wants him to do, she's gonna let him do it. If he gets out of line, well, there's always Plan B (the B stands for Breaking all of his tendons and making the world's surliest RealDoll).

I love the fact that she's so obviously evil, and he can't see it. To a certain point, it's not his fault -- everyone who serves under him is pretty obviously evil, so that doesn't make her special. But she's real evil even above and beyond that, and his dumb ass can't stop thinking about Li Lianhua long enough to notice any of the hundred or so knives she's aimed right at his back. He's so uninterested in her constant advances that he doesn't register how wanting to fuck someone and wanting to overthrow someone are not mutually exclusive desires.

(Was I bothered throughout most of the series by how her lipstick should be a little more crimson and a little less coral? Yes, but I'm not going to hold it against her. She's busy doing evil stuff. She'll get over to the nearest Jianghu Sephora and restock one of these days.)

While the show occasionally sidelines or straight-up forgets about a lot of its supporting characters for several episodes at a time, it never forgets to check in on what Jiao Liqiao's up to. Claws out, hair done, she is at all times a constant glorious, scenery-chewing menace with excellent taste in terrible men. Absolute legend.

Bonus: These two sluts

They don't get to be a full point because they're not nearly in the show enough, but just look at them. This is peak male character design. Slutty undone hair and slutty bare forearms, be still my bisexual heart.

Going to give it a try?

iQiyi's got you exclusively, baby.

Have I sounded a little defensive in this rec? Yeah, probably. It's just that I know there's a big and pretty intense fandom out there for this already, and I feel like a jerk coming in and being like "sure, it's fun!" when people are posting about how it made them cry for weeks. I want to be clear that that's not a bad reaction to have, while at the same time also being clear that that's not the reaction I had.

I might not even have written this rec, had I not been nudged to -- not because I don't think it's worth watching (I clearly do!), but because I don't know how much help it needs from the likes of me. There are plenty of other evangelists out there that'll give much more enthusiastic recommendations (like this one).

But the truth is that not every show has to be a heartbreaking work of staggering genius to everyone. I watched the show, and I liked it, and I had a normal time.

I also think there's something to the way I watched it, which was: one episode per day, schedule permitting, such that it took nearly two months for me to finish it. (And before you think I singled MLC out for this, this is actually how I watch most c-dramas.) I bet binging it is a way different experience, one where what rises more readily to the top is the tragic throughline of Li Lianhua's whole deal. If you're inclined to skip things not immediately germane to your points of interest, this is definitely the show to take at a solid run.

I actually paused in the middle of making this rec and made the one for the Blood of Youth, because the two invite comparisons: jianghu tales with chronically ill protagonists, some imperial bullshit going on, pretty boys with swords being weird about one another. Mysterious Lotus Casebook did not grab me as hard as the Blood of Youth, because MLC went for a more understated take on all its nonsense, instead of shooting completely over the top, which is how I prefer my nonsense (as the record will show). If you take your silliness with a subtler flavor, this could be the perfect thing for you.

Maybe you'll wind up being one of those people who gets their whole insides totally ripped out by this drama! But even if you don't, you're probably going to have a good time watching it anyway. And really, what more can you ask for from a show than that?

Peace, nerds.