#Lira is just there enjoying the moment

[tategaminu]

Don't worry Callum, she didn't say no

[justporo]

A Night of Song and Laughter (Part 5)

In which Tav goes a long way to assure everyone around there's no one but Astarion for her and the vampire has a staring contest with a dude-bro (and responds to it with a solid "Don't touch me!").

That's it, that's the chapter summary - I'm starting to get confused with the parts because there are (lemme count) EIGHT already written and at least a few more to go... You can read more already on my AO3 page!

There's no specific song for this chapter, but I'll happily share my ever-growing playlist that helps me write: Astarion: The Pale Elf

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

(Legitimate reaction of Astarion meeting Tav's former fling...)

(Wonderful gif from here!)

Astarion kept grinning at you and obviously enjoying your uneasiness – oh, you were definitely going to murder him, when this night was over.

Daegin kept babbeling towards Eodin, you quickly looked through your fingers to see that the damned man was actually approaching. With a sudden jolt you stepped close to Astarion, put both your hands on either side of his face. The vampire only had a split second of looking askingly at you before you started absolutely smothering him with his kisses.

He didn’t lose a moment to kiss you back, he never did. In fact, he loved every single bit of intimacy the two of you shared, especially since he’d been free of Cazador’s callings and had started to learn to share intimacy outside sex and the bedroom with you. Accepting love and affection for what they could be at face level was something he tried hard to become good at. So truly every touch, every look, every soft smile was deeply precious to Astarion.

Just after a second or two he got your intention and put his arms around you to pull you closer. You let your hands wander to his chest, enjoying the way your body fitted with his and almost got lost in the moment.

You two obviously were a show to watch – it surely didn’t help that Astarion had a strong inclination for hedonism despite his past. Or even more so since he was now free to indulge in it on his own accord. You’d come to enjoy this way more than you were ready to admit. So, you happily sighed into his open mouth, when he dragged a finger from your cheek, down your neck and then softly placed his long, elegant fingers on your throat in an affectionate but still possessive manner. Your pulse quickened – even after being with him for a while, you hadn’t wrapped your head around how he could be so easily seductive, elegant and sexy without it being even remotely gross or cringy.

The longer the moment kept drawing out the more you could feel the heat inside you once more. The vampire had already stirred the fire without fully setting it ablaze once before tonight. You really hoped he wouldn’t let it just die down.

While the wood and the high elf were at it, the rest of the evening party watched on. Daegin blushed and buried his whole face in his jug of beer, obviously very uncomfortable. Lira’s eyes widened, her mouth opened to a giant ‘O’ before she slapped both her hands over it. And Miyena’s mouth opened slightly, her tongue darting out to wet her lips.

And then the one called Eodin stepped up to the table. He was human, tall and broad shouldered with short auburn hair. Not un-handsome, but quite forgettable. He too seemed uneasy at the very public display of affection, so he cleared his throat and softly knocked on the table to make himself known.

You kept the kiss with Astarion going, letting your hands wandering dangerously low his front, only just stopping at the very top of his leather pants. Then you broke the kiss and turned around, cheeks all flushed and out of breath.

“Oh, Eodin! I didn’t even see you there. Sorry, I was caught up in the moment”, you said, fanning yourself with your hand and batting your eyelashes at Astarion who had now also turned to look at the new arrival. Astarion looked down at you, biting his tongue hard to not burst out laughing – you cheeky little pup. You really had learned from the master himself, Gods, was he proud of you. He quickly let his wander his hand to your behind to give you proud and thankful little pat-pat, but just so no one else would notice.

Eodin slow blinked at you, keeping his face neutral. But you’d known him long enough to recognize the line of his mouth seemed tense and he was majorly displeased by what he had just witnessed. He didn’t miss a beat though: “So good to see you, I didn’t know you were back in the city.” He let the sentence end ambivalently – not really a question, but not really a statement either. “Ah you know, I really had my hands full” – another small pat from Astarion on your back “and I had certain affairs to sort out” – pat-pat – “but I swear I had come around to say hello and catch you up one of these days.”

The man crossed his arms over his chest, his discontent now showing more clearly. The rest of the party was dead silent, they could feel the tension in the air. Eodin just kept silent and stared you down, which already started to make your blood boil. Who in the hells was he to treat you like this?

“And who might this noble gentleman be, you were so caught up in?”, he said and turned to the vampire, cold venom in his voice. “The name’s Astarion – though I am not as noble a gentleman you might’ve mistaken me for, I fear”, the elf replied, his voice icy and his stance beside you turning threatening. “No wonder, the likes of these rich, pretty know-it-all-have-it-alls never survives long in this part of city. Would take a real bastard to walk around all cocky confident and not run into trouble and get themselves killed”, Eodin spat back. “Oh, I am no stranger to trouble, but it’s usually the other party that has to fear ending up dead in a dark alleyway”, Astarion replied snidely, narrowing his red eyes at the human, not even remotely trying to hide the open threat in his words.

Your heart dropped as you watched the two men stare at each other. The moment ran on for much longer than you felt comfortable with, but the vampire didn’t seem inclined to falter under the human’s death stares anytime soon.

A few more heartbeats passed. Astarion was impossibly still beside you, completely embodying the fatal predator he could be. Then Eodin gave up, threw his head back with a laugh that didn’t sound anything close to genuine. The rest of your friends joined in, seemingly relieved that the tension was resolved.

Eodin reached over the table to slap Astarion on the back in a dude-friendly kind of manner. The elf didn’t move an inch under the tall man’s strong pats, he scrunched up his nose in disgust for a split second and you could’ve sworn you heard a hiss but it passed faster than anyone besides you could have noticed.

You looked worryingly up at Astarion who elegantly had brushed off Eodin’s hand and stepped just out of the man’s reach. But his face was now a mask that wanted to show that he had simply been kidding, kidding. You still felt the tension in his body though, the set in his shoulders and the slight passive-aggressive smirk on his lips.

As the rest around the table broke into conversation again you grabbed on of Astarion’s hands again and dragged to have him lean over to you. He turned one of his pointy ears to you so you could whisper to him: “Are you alright? Do you want us to leave?” Your whisper was so low, no one besides him could hear it. He lifted his head again, looked warmly at you with a wink. Then he leaned to whisper his quiet answer into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine: “I’ll be fine, my love, but no promises about this arsehole.” Then he placed a soft kiss on the nape just below your ear.

Then Astarion turned to face the rest of the group. “How about another round?”, he proclaimed cheerfully and was met with joyous approval.

[antianakin]

Zeb brings Rex to Lira San at some point to introduce him to the people there, both the Lasat who had already been there as well as the two Lasat survivors from Lasan. I have to assume that the culture on Lira San is significantly different from the culture that had developed on Lasan. Lira San is literally thought of as a LEGEND on Lasan from what we know which means it has been so long that these two cultures have probably developed in very different directions over time. So while there's probably stuff that Zeb IS familiar with on Lira San, there's going to be so much that he's being introduced to for the first time, as well.

Zeb is so excited to introduce Rex to his people, his culture, but he hasn't really ever spent any time on Lira San himself. He went down quickly to get the other two survivors settled there the first time they arrived and, for security reasons, doesn't go back until after the Empire is defeated. So he's not quite prepared for what it's actually like there. He tries showing Rex things he remembers of his culture, but everything is off or wrong somehow, and he ends up feeling like he doesn't know ANYTHING about these people or this culture and instead of being fun, it's just frustrating and devastating for Zeb, especially since Rex seems genuinely impressed by everything anyway, no matter how wrong it is. Eventually, he just snaps because he can't take it anymore and storms off.

Rex follows and Zeb tries to tell him to leave because he'll never get it and Zeb can't begin to understand. Rex says that Zeb's right, he'll never get it, because his people won't ever have something like this. Rex is never going to find some hidden enclave of the clones somewhere that have been safely and peacefully developing their culture on their own. It's just him and Gregor and Wolffe now, as far as Rex knows and it always will be. So Rex will never understand the pain that Zeb is currently going through by being confronted with a culture that feels like it SHOULD be familiar, but isn't quite. He'll never be confronted with an entire culture that manages to simultaneously bring him so much joy and relief as well as endless pain and devastation.

But this puts him in a unique position of being able to see the Lira San culture through the eyes of an outsider, without the pain it causes Zeb. He offers to show Zeb what HE sees when he looks at Lira San, to let Zeb explore this culture through Rex's eyes instead of his own. Zeb agrees, reluctantly, but it actually works. They go back through the market, the landmarks of this city they're staying in, the surrounding landscapes, the people, the language, the music. And instead of being frustrated at what he CAN'T see, he starts just enjoying being able to listen to what Rex CAN see. He can't always see it himself, he knows that it might take him a while to see it for himself and that sometimes he might NEVER see it, but for now, it's enough that Rex can see it and enjoy it and tell Zeb all about it.

They try a bunch of new foods together, they spar together and practice both the fighting styles they already know as well as try to learn local Lira San styles, they take a lot of trips out across the planet to see its different flora and fauna, they go see performances. Rex and Zeb just... spend a long time experiencing everything Lira San has to offer. And Zeb recognizes the irony in Rex having to sort-of introduce Lasat culture to him instead of the other way around, but he loves Rex so much for giving him this. He already knew how much Rex meant to him, he wouldn't have brought Rex to Lira San otherwise, but this is the moment he realizes he's going to spend the rest of his life with Rex.

In return, Zeb tries to ask Rex about the clones as much as he can. He asks Rex to talk about Wolffe and Gregor, but also about everyone he's lost. He asks about the 501st, and learns about Fives and Echo, about Hardcase and Dogma, about Tup and Jesse and Kix, about Appo and Denal and so many others. He asks about the other captains and commanders and hears about Cody and Fox and Ponds and Bly and Gree and Doom and Monnk. He asks how the clones chose their names and hears so many stories about the different ways clones got their names, some choosing them for themselves and some being given them by other clones, some naming themselves after something they loved and some naming themselves something that sounded cool at the time. He asks about hair and tattoos and learns about whether Rex ever wanted to dye his hair a different color and what everybody's tattoos meant and how the clones learned to tattoo each other when they left Kamino and started to see tattoos on other species.

And Zeb doesn't just ask for these stories so he alone can hear them, he sometimes asks when they're just walking around the marketplace and have picked up a gaggle of little Lasat kids who think they're cool and are perfectly happy to try to follow along with the stories Rex tells about his people. Rex always makes sure those stories are funny or heroic. He saves the sad ones for when he and Zeb are alone.

It turns out that the Lasat also had a tattooing culture of its own. The people of Lasan had had their own styles of course, but the practice itself had been brought there from Lira San, so Zeb asks Rex if he would want to teach the clones' style of tattooing to the tattoo artists on Lira San, so that the style at least could live on even if the clones themselves did not. Rex needs a few minutes to get himself together enough to try to teach anyone anything, but he is more than happy to work with the tattoo artists and pass along what he knows of his people's tattoo culture. Afterwards, Zeb asks if Rex wants to get tattooed with him, something they could share. A piece of both of their cultures, linking them together.

Rex says yes, because this is the moment HE decides he's going to spend the rest of his life with Zeb.

[martianbugsbunny]

Kay babes, I already posted a salty kinda tongue-in-cheek thing about Kalluzeb, in context of *MANDO SPOILERS* Zeb appearing sans Kallus in the Mandalorian. Because in honesty, he should be on Lira San with Kallus enjoying retirement, but I have no beef with him doing whatever it is he’s doing other than the part where he’s doing it without Kallus, because that is a huge red flag for me.

I thought I would have to worry about the following issues when it came to Ahsoka, but I guess they’re either setting him up for an appearance in that or they’ve decided to explore his post-Empire story in Mando, which is fine. If ye be free of indignation about Kalluzeb/Zeb just being gay, read on! If you’re an apple riddled with the worms of homophobia or if you’re very strongly anti-Kalluzeb, then this is not the post for you, and I would rather you just left now than got mad at me in the comments.

I’m going to specifically discuss this in terms of Ahsoka first, because I’ve had this in my drafts for months, so I wrote it before Zeb getting no-homo’d was a present and immediate danger. This may not be the best-written I’ve ever produced, but it is fairly logical, so please take it in context of the first section being written months ago, and the last section as being written today, and then you’ll be sitting pretty.

So it’s basically common knowledge at this point that Hera and Sabine will appear in some capacity in Ahsoka, and probably going to be in contact with our queen herself. I have doubts that Zeb will be a significant part of the show; maybe a cameo here or there, or they mention him but he stays off-screen. If Hera/Sabine gets off a comm in the back of their spaceship and Ahsoka’s like “hey, who was that?” and Hera/Sabine says, “just checking in with Zeb,” there is a choice. And because I have no faith in anyone to canonize Kalluzeb, this is what feels much more likely to happen: The writers will either throw in a single line after that (such as Ahsoka replying with “oh, cool, how’s his wife?”) or there will be no mention of a spouse. And believe you me, there is literally no reason that Zeb, who would be off-screen at that moment, and whose Rebels ending involved no female Lasat, should have a wife for that throwaway moment. It adds nothing to his story and it would be completely out of nowhere, probably never to be explored again. Mentioning a wife would literally just be the galaxy’s biggest, flashing-neon “no homo” (or, in Star Wars terms, you might say that he got Zorii Bliss-ed). There’s no reason to do it. Not saying he has a wife technically doesn’t even disprove the concept that he might have a wife *sarcastic snort*. So if something like that does end up in Ahsoka, we all know why. There is legitimately no other reason to add in a throwaway line like that other than to disprove the concept of Kalluzeb. Or maybe just to disprove the concept that Zeb is gay. I would honestly rather they never mentioned Zeb at all, even in passing, than throwing that kinda thing in our faces. There is no reason to disprove it. Leaving Zeb with a slightly ambiguous relationship poses no problem. No plot hole. No loose end in desperate need of tying up. There is no reason to officially, explicitly de-canonize Kalluzeb or gay Zeb, because there is no significant woman in his life he might possibly have a solid, built-up, understandable relationship with, and because his most significant person (I would argue) is a man. I can’t say it enough. This is the test. Either we get Zorii Bliss-ed again, or Zeb gets to continue enjoying the grey space. (Because I don’t have enough faith in Filoni, the man who still has not made Ahsoka a splesbian [lesbian in space] to canonize arguably one of the most dramatic potential romances in Star Wars history. Even though Kalluzeb makes sense. Even though Kallus’s entire reformation arc is started by Zeb. Even though in his little screen time as a Rebel, it is still obviously Zeb who means the most to him out of all the Specters. Even though Zeb, who is often portrayed as being kind of rough, is much kinder and more honorable towards Kallus than he deserves, before they’re on the same side.)

In context of Mando, the same rules apply. There is no need to mention him having a wife. There isn’t any urgent need to even explicitly canonize Kalluzeb, other than the fact that Star Wars needs to improve its queer representation by leaps and bounds to get up to standards, and also that Kalluzeb makes a whole lot of sense. I am terrified of him existing in post-Rebels media because thus far, he is without Kallus, and with the way their Rebels storyline ended, there’s really no reason he should be. Kallus should be by his side.

UNLESS Kallus is A) currently enjoying retirement on Lira San, and Zeb is off-world for short periods of time every now and then but goes home to Lira San and Kallus or B) they’re saving Kallus for a moment when Kallus shows up late to whatever business he and Zeb have and we get a quiet, “hey, husband of mine” and there’s no fanfare, no Zorii Bliss situation, just two gay dudes being married and living their lives together.

This is it. This is where I find out if it’s even crossed Filoni’s mind (or the minds of other miscellaneous writers, but he really sticks to his characters) to leave our plausible couple be. This is where I find out if his viewpoint of *paraphrased* “it wasn’t my intention, but I won’t de-canonize it” (https://gizmodo.com/star-wars-rebels-producer-dave-filoni-is-totally-fine-w-1823593680) holds up if he’s going to explore characters close to Zeb (which includes Kallus) post-Rebels.

[erenmusic]

A very short Playlist with a lot to say, some Favorites I listened to in the last 5 years.

My idea for this playlist was a compilation of songs I was listening to religiously at different points in my life. Since I don't remember every song I was really into and I only have specific dates to go from on Spotify, I decided to go with the last 5 years. to say it all again this playlist is songs I personally found out about or really got into in the last 5 years listed chronologically. so lets get into it!

The first song I wanted to go with is Dishes by Jeff Rosenstock.

I was having a hard time picking a song to start from but I ended up with what really got me into indie and just different types of music other than stuff. This whole album 'I Look Like Shit' is just so personal to the artist and unashamed about being sad and admitting all his Problems and just feeling like shit, all his worries (See his other album Worry which is a lot more popular and acclaimed than this one.) and regrets, it just goes on and on. Now that I listen to the album less often, I have less of a connection to it and I feel better in general, so the songs do not hit me as hard anymore. However, that doesn't mean that I will ever forget about this album and what it did for me in bad times, The actual Song Dishes I picked because I was listening to this guitar solo that starts around the 2-minute mark that was just stuck in my head for months. I couldn't recommend the album enough, but you definitely have to go into it with a certain knowledge that it will not censor itself and is extremely personal.

The second Song is Passing Complexion by Big Black off of their Album Atomizer.

This song and band in general got me really into Noisy music and just sounds that are very unorthodox, using pedals and distortion, using electric cables to make these insane ringing sounds not just on this song but the whole album. It's a different sound from the album they made after this, which I am sure you have seen the album cover for, I really prefer the harshness and sound of this song and album even though I enjoy the album right after this one for different reasons, no other song they made got caught in my head as much as this one did. It is a sound like no other and I was listening to this song just replaying it as soon as it ended so many times I can't even count it. For the Third song, I went with Translyvania Boogie by Frank Zappa off of the album Chunga's Revenge, which is also the first record I ever bought.

I was really into Frank Zappa by this point, especially his album Apostrophe which I just love to death and which I also have a record of now but didn't have at that point. The reason I picked this album and song is that I was walking in Kadikoy in Turkey and I was walking through the record stores and I found this album for extremely cheap. I had never bought a record before because of the absurd prices people put on popular records over there, but this one was not in the best condition and the guy said the price was 135 Liras (which was like 8 dollars at the time) so I couldn't not take the bargain for an album I loved so much.

The moment I brought it home and put it on, the first song Transylvania Boogie had me hooked even more than before. The guitar work and just booming instrumental that this song is was made even better because I would play the record in my living room all day and we had an awesome sound system there that connected to a record player. I don't have a player now so all my records are kind of just sitting around or left back in Turkey. A day will come I'll actually get to use them again. The Fourth song I picked is When You Sleep by My Bloody Valentine off of their album "loveless".

Oh man, this song and album. I don't think I was more obsessed with a certain sound ever in my life. I had already gotten into unconventional music and just the spaciness, vocal distortion and instrumentals on this album are some sounds that you just don't get anywhere else and I loved it the moment I listened to the album. even other Shoegaze bands and MBV's previous work, just nothing comes close to what they achieved on this album. the main reason I picked this specific song is because of the absurd amount of times I listened to it in 2021.

the song really fits any possible way you are feeling, this is also the reason I could listen to it on average once a day for a year. I would put it on when I was sad, happy, energetic, down, scared, feeling accomplished, just wanting a fun song. It genuinely fits to exactly how you feel, it could be a song about breaking up and missing the other side, it could be about yearning, it could be about how much you love someone, and it could just be an insane instrumental that just rattles your head clean off and you have an experience every time you listen to it. Love this song to death. (very hard to pick a favorite off of this album so I just went with the classic undeniable great song on there, Sometimes and Soon were also big contenders.) My Fifth pick is very specific version of Box of Rain by the Grateful Dead. Live at Portland Memorial Collesium in 73.

I have always listened to the Dead all throughout my life, especially the Road Trips CD's and Dick's Picks CD collection my Father had but this compilation I had never heard before. my brother was a lot more into the dead than I was so he would show me these great live shows that I would never have found otherwise. So while listening to one of them that he reccomended, Box of Rain, one of my favorites and probably the best Phil Lesh song came on. I already love most of the versions and especially the studio version on American Beauty. However, this version I have up here I was listening to religiously especially the part I have clipped up in the video. The piano merges with the vocals and guitar work perfectly and it is honestly just unexplainable how much it brings me down to earth, I feel great whenever I listen to this song, and man I was just playing this every time I did a Dead Run where I listen to a bunch of songs from them. and these days I still listen to it whenever I am on a long walk, it just fits. My Sixth pick is, Positively 4th Street by Bob Dylan.

I couldn't keep myself from putting Bob Dylan on here. this song I was listening to almost every day for months last year. The Lyrics are just heartbreaking and he doesn't stop at all throughout the song, no chorus, no bridge, he is relentless and just keeps telling the other side off. The amount of emotion Bob can bring out of me is very overwhelming sometimes. It is also important to say how well this song met the situation I was in, it really came at the right time. After a breakup trying to not have contempt for the other side, still being in love, but also saying fuck off, you treated me as if you'd rather see me paralyzed. Trying to make myself believe that they are not at fault and that they didn't mean how they came across, but still feeling horrible because I just couldn't believe that they didn't understand how bad what had been done was. "I wished that for just one time, you could stand in my shoes. and for just that moment I could be you. yes, I wished that for just one time, you could stand in my shoes, You'd know what a drag it is to see you." This song would just get me going, and get me thinking about how I need to move on. It really helped me at the time, and even though I know Bob Dylan writes breakup songs in such a way that you think he's in the wrong, this song makes me feel for whatever Bob was going through and it helped me see clearly what situation I was in. I will always keep it in my back pocket for a rainy day. And for the Final song I decided to go with is a song I have been really into recently. I'm On Fire, by Nas on his album King's Disease III.

My roommate is really into Nas and he got me to listen to a lot of his albums, I had been steadily listening to Rap music for years but I hadn't really gotten into Nas and the 90's New York scene as much as I wanted to. I had listened to Illmatic and It was Written by him but I hadn't really gone farther than that. Thanks to his recommendations I really have a larger catalog of rap music that I would be willing to show people. This song specifically he had actually shown me last semester however I forgot to add it to any of my playlists. so when I found it again and played it, man. The beat, the sample, the way he flows on this song, and just the fact that This joint came out last year is so crazy to me. Nas fell off for a bit in the middle of his career but the comeback he made with this album is awesome to see. Love this song and I will listen to it until I get sick of it, which might take a looong time. So to sum up, these are all songs that correspond to important times and events in my life and I get a wave of memories thrown at me every time I play them again. I would say every song on here is a 10/10 for me, but that is obviously is very subjective and I can see why people would think, huh really? this song? Also, I have to point out that I had a really hard time picking these songs out of every song I have ever listened to, so I might just do more of these playlists, listing out some great songs every now and then. Stay tuned! there are definitely more songs I can list and that I want to show to people, but this is just a little peek into some classics and very personal picks I enjoy.

[natteryaktoad]

Griffin/Land/Mann, Day 85, Part 2

Bear loves all her puppies. Fox is the only one she has left living with her now.

And he suddenly got very big and looks just like her!

Time for Lira to throw a party.

Dale: ... yeah, it's true. End of Sophomore year.

Josh is enjoying getting to know his cousin Zion at this party. He wanted to talk to a relative and so I checked his relationship panel to see if any relatives were at the party, and there was Zion.

Pete's after logic points at the moment and they don't have a chessboard, only a telescope. I'd love him to get abducted!

[savagecowboy]

𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

" I don't like you at the moment. "

It was her calm, collected intonation that really riles him further. Her ability to show restraint while he felt so out of control that made him furious. The desire to hurt her roiled within his chest; physically, emotionally, somehow to get her stony expression to change, to reflect his own inner turmoil. Instead, she just stared. Completely enraged, Severen lashed out at the only thing he could reach, himself, dragging his claws down his face, shredding long gouges from forehead to chin. A sheet of red bubbled out from the lacerations, trickling in streams down the front of his shirt, a percussive pattering as it dribbled down his jacket.

" You don't like me? Good. I don't want to be liked ! " He turns away from her hating himself, hating the situation, ready to tear himself in two as his mind misfires in the secluded darkness of his clouded perception. They are screaming in there. He can feel the flames licking up their bodies as they boil. As they roast.

A scream builds in the back of his throat.

Below it all he knows Lira is right. He is out of control, and not in the way he enjoys, it isn't the hunger controlling him, it isn't the lust for murder, it is horror. It is fear. What brought it on is hard for him to recount.

They had just been lying there under the moon, staring into infinity in one of those solemn silences that he could only manage with her. Peace, tranquility, nothing out of place. And then it had started. One niggling thought, she could leave. It hadn't seemed that important. They rarely spent every moment together. Even at their most sedentary they each sought independence, impossible to be constrained, even by chosen bonds. Yet, for some reason the nefarious idea stuck, stabbed into his mind. Circling in a hellish whirlpool he could not find escape from. A rational part of him knew that the last thing he would want would be to use Lira as a crutch, dependent on her attention to hold the stitches of his still leaking wounds closed (as she already had), but the fearful corpse that was still trapped in the flaming wreckage persisted in feeding him paranoia. She could leave, and if she left he would be alone with the nightmares.

What had been a pleasant, quiet time together became filled with all the horrid visions he spent the tortuous sleep of day reliving. Stubborn as he was, he could not admit to what he perceived as a weakness, nor could he find the right words even if he had tried to voice them. Much as he struggled with phrasing other complex emotions, something as vulnerable as 'I'm scared' was a chasm he could not fathom crossing; even in the company of one he trusted with more than his pitiful life. So, in the manner of the self destructive he had let something else crawl up to his tongue, a fulfillment of the dreaded prophecy; a way to drive her away so he could justify his anxities.

There were not many things that got under Lira's skin. Being able to tolerate him was proof of that, but if one could, it was ruinous--for them. Exactly what that dark part of him wanted. There were things he could say that were hurtful, things that might cut, but he craved blood even now; to transfer his pain to another. If she left, maybe she could take it with her. "You didn't even try to save the others, did you". It was a stupid thing to say. Lira had done all in her power to rescue even his sorry carcass. There had been no doubt that should she be able to help any of the others she would have, without hesitation, but he was seeking destruction. He wanted her to hate him. Hate him as he hated himself for doing nothing. She had been there, and where was he?

Now he could seek a semblance of that control. Directing her action, or so he secretly plotted, attempting to drive her away, pretending he desired her absence, although in actuality he was desperate for her renewed commitment to his side. It was a pitiful test, one designed for one or both to fail. If he was proven right, that she could, would even, leave him, then the spiteful cancer of his guilty conscious would have won the day. All of its other harmful ramblings also confirmed. That he was forgotten, unneeded, alone… Why are you doing this? The question surfaced unbidden and he almost recoiled at the sound in his own mind. You should be living. You aren’t dead. “An’ I should be! Ya’ll died an I didn’t! Why am I here an you ain’t!” The level of his voice is rising, sounding more like a wounded animal than a man, crying out in the dark for the kin it cannot find. All the while his ears are filled with dismal laughter, goodbyes he was not present for; haunted by the dead he cannot release. Desperately, he clasps the festering limb that is poisoning him slowly ever tighter, the gangrenous rot spoiling him from the inside out. Believing that the necrotic itch is proof of life, when in fact it is sign of the disease spreading inside him.

“This is your fault!” He roars at Lira. No it isn’t. “You don’t know what this feels like!” Yes she does. “You don’t even care!” More than you’ll know.

That was when she spoke and what it made him want to do was confess. What he wanted was an ounce of her strength to hold him upright, instead of crushing himself under the rock of his own despair. Admitting that he was lost, a guard dog with no master, was not something he was ready to do. After his gory outburst he stands up, ready to leave, although he can't quite muster the invective he had started with. One more chamber remained in the figurative game of Russian roulette he solitarily plays in this moment. One more chance to truly destroy the bond he had so cared for and nurtured. A chance to sever himself from the lifeline of her; leaving himself to drift in the ocean upon the capsizing vessel of his grief.

"I'm just another chapter to you anyway. Ain't any more special than all the rest". He spits into the dirt ready to walk into the night, hoping for once that the dawn is on the rise. Hoping to turn his face to the sun one more time; to obliterate himself from this world that has moved on without him. But if he was so convinced that this should be his end, why hasn't he actually moved?

You're a fucking coward. "I know I am" he mutters through gritted teeth. "An' you ain't no better. When did you become such a fucking bleeding heart". He can see him there, Jesse, tattered old coat and all, hair braided back so the garish scar stands out rigid over his stern face. You just can't quit runnin' can you boy? The tormented immortal stares into ice grey eyes, even as they bore into him, drilling through, striking to the core. Severen lunges. He curls his fingers into the lapels of the worn fabric, feeling the softened texture, nose full of the dust of ages it has accumulated. Blazing blue meets the still, grim visage before them and the beast snarls in savage hatred. "You betrayed me old man. You said forever". Severen can see the glaze of spittle from his rabid growling on the phantom's face. As a slow understanding gathers in his mind, his once anger slitted eyes go wide in shock, a feeling of clammy sweat springing out onto his skin. It should not be happening. Jesse was dead, dust in the wind, yet here he stood. In all manner of perception what had always been just a figment before was solidly present. Severen feels his anger sink like a stone through his body.

Suddenly, almost as if in response to his comprehension, a searing pain drives a wedge through his mind, dropping him to his knees in the grass. He wails as if stricken, heels of his hands pressing into his skull to suppress the agony. One hand crawls up his scalp to feel for the object trying to cleave his head open, sure it must be there. As he feels the widening fissure internally separating his brain, he voicelessly cries out for Lira. He is desperate for her, needs the soothing blanket of her sobriety. Her capacity for serenity is something he has never grasped; never thought he might desire until now. At the same time, he despises it. Now is his chance to burn alone, die at last, stop suffering for the others who have abandoned him here. Although they haven't, because she hasn't, not yet at least. With Lira here, they are here. Whether for good or ill. And acknowledging this makes him need her even more, if possible.

"You don't like me" he groans, pained laughter coming from him as he claws at his temples, new rivulets of red joining what has dried along his face. A cord of saliva drools from his lips through his clenched teeth. "You don't like me" his voice is getting quieter, the world is rushing up to meet him, he can feel everything expanding to a point beyond his capacity to hold on. Jesse's cold hand rests on the crown of his head, driving the railroad spike of pain straight through. Severen passes out in the grass, Jesse dissipates, and the night goes on without him.

She could leave. That was his fear, but it isn't. What he is scared of is a different question. What if she already has?

[stankycowboy]

There is a strange give in his wrist and Severen crumples to the floor, @ulfhrafnx atop him while they collapse in a heap. Beneath him he can feel the limb is bent oddly, as painful as it might be (such things able to held as peripheral thoughts), he cannot help his laughter. Using his distraction to her advantage, the equally disheveled woman lunges for his foot, eager to claim the sock adorned upon it in victory. Jerking in a full body flail, he knocks her off kilter, scrambling back up, one arm dangling uselessly at his side—for the moment. “You playin’ dirty?” He mockingly chides, as if he had not been using his teeth earlier; several of which are now littered across the floor. She offers only a determined smile.

They circle, like hungry predators fighting over a single felled beast. Vicious eyes and eager fingers flash, each making feinted swipes, attempting to goad the other with false pretense. Severen’s patience wanes first, he makes a lunge, knowing better than to try and take her at her hips, aiming to grapple her ankle. A knee drives into his nose and blood goes spurting. Even through the instinctual shutting of his eyes he is able to wrap his hands around her shin. Using all his weight—and preternatural strength—the cowboy falls backward, jerking her off balance with him. Neither seems overly indulgent of the other, no punches pulled or leniency granted. Still, he has to wonder if she is playing more good-naturedly considering she has the power to truly surpass him. Perhaps she simply enjoys the wrestling match for what it is, fun. Pinning her leg to his chest, he holds fast, sliding his hand down to grip the thick cotton covering it. She pins his head back with her knee, driving it up into his chin; but he is not dissuaded from his task. When Lira feels the tug at her foot her actions become more fierce. An unfriendly pressure vices around his crotch. Through already blurred vision he stares up into her snarling face. He shakes his head, still attempting to pry off the sock. His stomach twists, more tears filling his wet eyes. Steadily the pain increases, as does an urge to retch. “C-ch-CHE-cheat” he whimpers, it feels like something is about to burst. Finally, Severen relents. He flattens his hands to his sides as the need to vomit curdles in his stomach; barely resisting the terrible gagging sensation left in his throat. She releases after one more exhibit of strength that makes him gasp, a black burst of stars filling his sight. Lira allows him just a moment’s recovery before breaking free and lunging toward his unprotected feet. He is conscious enough to sweep them up and away, tucked over his bruised groin. She turns to make a quick snatch, earning her a double leg donkey kick back toward the opposite wall. It isn’t full force, which is not him attempting kindness, rather the motion makes the ache return. Moaning, he rolls to his side, clambering onto all fours. The world spins as one leg is pulled upward, and he is violently rotated onto his back, air rushing out of his lungs. Both of Lira’s hands are on his sock, and they give a mighty tug which sees it slip nearly halfway off, exposing his ankle. Writhing like a newborn foal, he struggles beneath her, feeling claws gouge exposed skin. With a sudden burst of effort he lifts his upper body, grappling her forearms, impeding her further progress, although she resists falling forward. There is a sudden door slam, a pillow hurtling from across the room to hit Severen in the head. Lira turns to see the rumpled figure of their child, tangled nest of hair framing a disgruntled face. “SLEEPY”, she shouts at them. Without waiting for a response, she trudges back to her room, emphatically shutting the door once again. Her parents devolve into quiet laughter at the reprimand. Lira jerks his sock another couple inches and he kicks her in the stomach. The tussle continues, although they attempt to be a little more silent.

[stargoosie]

New Beginnings ~ Kalluzeb

Chapter 2

The aftermath of Zeb taking Kallus to Lira San.

AO3

------------------

Waking up the following morning and gazing upon the chrono, seeing it was most definitely late morning was nearly enough to give the strict routined Alexsandr Kallus a heart attack. He seized upward in bed with a start before taking in his surroundings and remembering where he was. Lira San. Lira San. He mouthed the planet’s name a few times before relaxing. He slowly laid back down, wiping the embarrassing panic from his brow. Honestly.. He shook his head at himself, closing his eyes. He opened them a moment later to peer over at where he expected to find Zeb. Green eyes were staring back and he frowned. Great. His little episode had woken him up. He felt him shift closer and place a hand on his arm. Such concern, he mused. He didn’t question why. The lasat had helped him through quite a few rough nights in the past. It was second nature by now. Kallus found it rather sweet, Zeb’s care for others.

“I’m alright..” He assured him, turning over on his side to give the other a sleepy but sincere smile. He placed a hand over his and went on to explain,raising his brows briefly. “The time. I lost track and forgot that was alright now.” Zeb chuckled and Kallus joined him, bringing up a knee and hooking his leg around one of Zeb’s. He enjoyed the tenderness of this. These moments were no longer something brief, needing to be set to the side for their higher priorities. Even with how set in his ways he was, this was something he could very quickly get used to. He grinned with a slow sigh.“But I suppose I’m awake now. Might as well start the morning..” He started to prop himself up on an elbow, but Zeb wasn’t having any of that.

“Oh, no you don’t…” He said with a gravelly tone conveying just how groggy he still was. But apparently he still had enough energy the keep Kallus from making any sudden movements. Kallus was cursing that brute strength of his, though you couldn’t tell by the way he seemed to melt into it. 

He chuckled, turning his head first into his neck and then pulled away so he could look at his face. His eyes were closed now, obviously trying to reclaim sleep and hopeful that Kallus would succumb as well. He would not deny it was tempting. “Zeb…” He reasoned, watching his brow ridges narrow a bit more. Kallus bit his lip. There was something so childish about him that was incredibly adorable. “We can’t just lay around…Come now…” Unfortunately, Zeb was the hard headed, stubborn sort. Kallus was sure he would be perfectly okay without budging from his spot for half the daylight. 

“I’m comfortable.”

“I noticed..” He gave him a sleepy smirk, later glancing around to find some way to escape the other’s vice grip. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure he’d be at ease being awake and walking around all by himself on a strange planet, let alone a planet with a strong resemblance to Lasan. However, he was far too awake now to consider getting more rest, even if Zeb and his radiating body heat were inviting. Honestly, if he were that easily swayed, they might just spent the next few years never leaving this room. So, he did his best to disentangle himself from the other, however he wasn’t prepared for the amount of resistance he’d receive.

“Zeb. Can you—

I’m try— 

UggggGh…" 

Okay. It was less adorable now…

He shoved and pulled and this lasat was really taking this serious, wasn’t he? He could not be that tired if he was using this much power in the first place. Kallus was two seconds from admitting defeat and pledging to kill him later but he got his arms free and gained new resolve. He huffed out a sigh. This should not be such an ordeal. Zeb could go back to sleep if he wanted once Kallus had moved. He was being ridiculous. The way Kallus attempted to free himself was a bit more so. Zeb was strong. He pressed forcefully on his shoulders and at one point shoved the side of his face. Kallus became a bit more irritated than merely playfully amused.

”Garazeb Orrelios. You will let me go this instant…!“

And he did.

The momentum had Kallus falling out of the bed backwards with a loud thud. It took him a second to figure out what had just happened. When the stars left his eyes, he was gazing up at a very smug lasat, laying on his side with his head propped up on a hand. Kallus stared at him hard, wearing a look of disbelief. He was thoroughly pleased with himself. "I’m sorry, did you want to get up…?” The teasing tone was enough to earn him a glare. He did love to mess with him. “What? You said let go..” He chewed on a claw.

Kallus was so very tempted to pull the aggravating lasat out of bed and make him kiss the floor. His mouth tightened. “…I’ve decided your death will be slow.” Zeb began laughing and Kallus found the sound was making him blush. He was determined not to let it turn the tide, because he was supposed to be upset with him. He should be! Not only did he knock him out of bed. He was laughing at him. The nerve! “You are insufferable. I want new lodgings..” He got up and dusted himself off, making a mental note of them needing to clean this place. He observed their surroundings, having been too tired yesterday to really take it in. His gaze shifted when he heard the creak of the mattress. He felt a rough hand ruffle his already messy hair.

“Sure. I’ll get right on that..” Zeb promised with transparency. He could likely tell Kallus wasn’t serious. He’d always been pretty good at reading him…and getting him flustered. That seemed to be his specialty. 

Kallus did not hold onto his bitter mood for long, not for more than a few scoffs and indignant looks, perhaps a half hearted punch or two. Zeb was very difficult to stay mad at.  He was so….so….Kallus didn’t even have a word for it. Was it possible to feel so much for someone who could drive you mad on a constant basis..? Sometimes he still felt like he didn’t understand what this was between them. He supposed there was never enough time to focus on your feelings when most of your life was dedicated to a job. A purpose. 

Still, even through all of that, they had come to a mutual understanding of their importance to one another, as well as their interest… But they had never quite elaborated on just what that meant. War had their lives so hectic and how awkward they both were with emotions certainly hadn’t offered any favors. He had no idea why he was suddenly thinking about this… Maybe it was because everything felt so real. It was so fresh. Absorbing that the war was over has a hard one. Even though he had always hoped to see it, he honestly never thought he’d live long enough. And now, here he was; free. And he was with Zeb whom, of his own accord, invited him to the world he now called home. A place he wanted Kallus to call home. It did not feel real to him. That was what had kept him awake last night. He was so certain all of this would burn away and he’d wake up with a start, alone. It was stupid. He knew that.

He watched Zeb work through his morning routine, knowing he could reach out and touch him if he wanted to. He felt the warmth of the boyish grins he tossed his way. His chest felt light and he felt almost floating, which was a ridiculous feeling for such a serious man to have. But it was real. He knew it was. He needed to stop living inside of his fears. They held him back. They always had. Zeb had taught him that the only way to find peace and have a sense of fulfillment was by taking risks. It was what had brought them together, wasn’t it…? Preparing for the worst case scenario would always leave a part of him closed off. He did not want to be that way. Not with Zeb. He wanted to give all of himself, as scary as that was.

Suddenly his arms were locked around Zeb’s neck and his lips were brushing his and Kallus had barely been aware he’d crossed the room. His body had moved all on its own. Reality was slow to come back to him. This was slow and satisfying but not bearly long enough. He pulled back to give him some distance, not because he seemed unwilling in the least but because he was feeling a little embarrassed for acting so impulsively.

Especially when the first words from Zeb’s mouth were. “…What was that for…?” Kallus wanted to hide his red face but there weren’t many places he wouldn’t be able to tell when they were this close. Zeb raised his head but Kallus could still feel his eyes on him. “Barely ten minutes ago, didn’t you say you were going to kill me…?” He snickered, “Unless that is what you’re doing..”

“You know, I should kill you…. You ever pull something like that again and I just might..” Kallus said firmly but he was far too distracted by the view of the other’s lips to be taken very seriously. Zeb also knew better. The very apparent blush on his cheeks helped with that. He was still so shy.

“Ooh, you really got me shaking over here…You know, your threats have gotten increasingly weaker over the years..” Zeb gave him a smile that made him weak. It was also a bit contagious.

“Don’t tell me you’re dissatisfied with that fact…?” Kallus tilted his head with a raised brow, reaching up to stroke the back of one of Zeb’s ears. His bangs slid slightly over his eyes. He almost moved to swipe them out of the way but Zeb got there before he had the chance. His eyes widened at that but softened quickly after. He received Zeb’s silent answer loud and clear. He lowered his head, hiding the wide grin. He felt Zeb’s hands find his waist and he paused for a moment before glancing upward.

There were far too many thoughts he wanted to convey. To even try right now would come out a bit of a ramble, especially considering he’d not even had his morning caf. There was no oncoming battle to prepare for. They would have all the time in the galaxy…

“Finish getting ready…” He mumbled into his cheek, stroking his thick sideburn and ruffling the purple strands. He gave him one last look before disappearing into the refresher. Hopefully when he inevitably asked him questions later, he’d have answers..

[therhythmafterthesummer]

What’s safe haven Chris and his love doing? Have they found the next set of twins to adopt yet? I know from the drabbles channie has been pierced, but would he get any more?

aaahhhh, well... if we go based on the next drabble that i've been editing for way too long and haven't posted, they're riling each other up and engaging in one of their petty competitions. you bet the tension is ready to burst at any moment hahahah

if we go based on the events after the Epilogue, they're travelling (: just for a few days at a time, because we know the Queen can't leave Lira Le for too long.

this is actually a cycle of no twins! so the Frequency won't be bringing any more children into the Royal Family anytime soon (or will it? 👀), so for now Hoseok and the High King are enjoying fatherhood, while Chan and the Queen are enjoying their childlessness hahaha

also, Chan's considering getting his other nipple pierced lol

[sandrockian]

i think pen loved lira

My screwed-up fanon headcanon is that I think so too.

In his own cruel, twisted way, he did love her, but duty comes first, making it all the more tragic. Pen will always remain loyal and devoted to Duvos. Liira, while he loves her, will always remain an afterthought. She comes second to Duvos, and Pen knows this, lying to her face every waking moment they were together, but he genuinely enjoyed his time with her. One part of their relationship was a lie, and the other was real. Only when Pen was exposed for the monster that he is did he drop his facade, unapologetic and unrepentant, but also acknowledging the good times between them.

"Farewell, Liira. It was fun."

That's it. Just fun. The intimate, secret moments between them where Liira was most vulnerable were all chalked up to some "fun."

At that moment, Liira felt so much devastation and cold hate for this man that she nearly killed him during their final battle. He single-handedly fucked up her trust in people, and if Unsuur hadn't reached out to her, she would have packed her bags and left Sandrock to move back in with her parents.

[abelunwilling]

For the ask game. I'm intrigued by these two:

“thicker than water” [Kallus/Zeb SW:Rebels]

or

“lucky” [Echo/Rex/Fives SW]

:D

wip game thingy!

Thank yooou! \o/ Let me think...

thicker than water

I don't remember where exactly the original idea for this came from but the basic idea concerned Kallus post-war getting a message from his family, who are being tried for their role in the Empire. This would've caused a rift in the present as he's trying to start his new life on Lira San with Zeb. I was really enjoying writing a lot of the domestic stuff with Kallus learning to speak Lasat, worldbuilding for Lira San itself... but weirdly the family stuff got a bit too real for me so I decided to put it on hold until I felt more ready to articulate it. I'll probably pick it back up at some stage! I was really happy with what I had so far. :) (Also, I called Kallus' mom "Karyn" because I thought it would be funny for him to be literally descended from a space-Karen... so there's that. xD)

lucky

Basically, Rex/Fives is a thing and Echo assumes Fives is making it up because Rex is obviously out of his league; Fives plays on Echo's own lil thing for Rex and... stuff happens. I know I'll probably never finish this one now because while I used to not mind it, Echo/Fives is just... really not fun for me any more. :( No shade or anything, I just know I can't pull it off now. I kept it in my drafts just in case the mood ever strikes again though!

I put a little excerpt from "thicker than water" under the cut, wheeee~~ I really enjoy writing these two and their dynamic!

thicker than water

“Zeb,” Kallus laughed lightly. “I wanted to come here–it’s not like you forced me. I don’t want you to have to leave just to meet my parents.”

Zeb scoffed. “I’ve gotta meet them at some point, right?”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Why?” 

Zeb’s ears splayed out, his facial fur bristling slightly in embarrassment, and he was quiet for long enough that Kallus almost thought he was going to drop it. 

“I dunno, they’re your family. So I guess... they’re part of you?” He turned his face a little. “Wish you could meet mine.”

Without thinking, Kallus reached out for his hand. His fingers looked laughably small, curled over Zeb’s. “Oh… I’m so sorry.”

“C’mon, don’t be like that,” Zeb smiled sadly as he looked back at him, nudging Kallus with his shoulder. “I do, though. They’d like you.”

“Me,” Kallus scoffed.

“Yeah, you.” Zeb put his other hand over Kallus’. He paused, then: “I like you.”

Kallus felt a flush starting to creep up the back of his neck, and tilted his chin up proudly to compensate. “Obviously.”

“Hey.” Zeb’s voice hardened a little. “’m serious.”

By now, that flush had reached Kallus’ ears and was threatening to engulf his entire face. “I–I know that.”

“Right.” Clearing his throat, Zeb withdrew his hands clumsily. “Karabast, I didn’t mean–”

“Ah, wait–” Kallus grabbed for his hand to draw it back, swallowing hard to be rid of the lump in his throat. “Don’t be sorry. There’s really no need.”

“I just don’t wanna make this weird,” Zeb said, insistently. “I–I probably misread–”

“No,” said Kallus, his grip on Zeb’s hand intensifying. “I mean–if you’re saying what I think you’re saying, then–you didn’t exactly…”

They looked at each other helplessly as he trailed off.

“…What are you saying?”

Zeb paused, then squeezed his hand back with a wry smile. “I’m saying how the hell have we still not had this talk?”

Feeling a heavy burden lift off his chest, Kallus laughed, and leaned in so they were pressed shoulder to shoulder, his head tucking against Zeb’s neck. Zeb pushed his weight into him firmer, cheek resting on top of his head.

“Heh. We’re useless.”

“Very,” Kallus said, quietly. “I betray a Galactic Empire and move halfway across the galaxy for you, and yet I can’t tell you–”

And for a moment, he still couldn’t, even though the feeling screamed from within his ribcage. Zeb’s worried expression returned and he pulled away a little.

“…That I might… have feelings for you,” Kallus finished, determinedly. Zeb’s eyes widened, his ears perking up. “And I think I have for a long time, but I didn’t know how to–”

In the next moment, he was yanked against Zeb’s chest with one firm arm, and kissed so hard and so long that he thought that it might be some time before he could entertain the thought of breathing again. That seemed less important, anyway–was his most lucid thought, before Zeb flopped onto his back, taking Kallus with him in a warm tangle of limbs. A blunt fang snagged clumsily at his lip as he eventually pulled back, flushed.

“You… I… oh.” Kallus cleared his throat, only just registering that he was lying on top of Zeb’s chest, his arms flung haphazardly around his neck. He did not, however, attempt to move.

“Yeah. Oh.” Zeb averted his eyes. “Well… that’s out there, then.”

After another kiss, this one languid and tender, Kallus simply said, “I think we might have been doing things a little out of order.”

Zeb snickered, his chest bouncing slightly where Kallus lay against it. “What, because we already have a joint bank account?”

“I told you, it’s practical, and safer in emergencies,” Kallus retorted, before immediately realising his point. “Maybe because we already have a joint bank account.”

“You are so weird.” Laughing, Zeb pulled him into another hug. “You don’t know how long I–”

Kallus kissed him again, firmly. “Oh, I think I do.”

Zeb’s hand slid up the nape of his neck, keeping their faces close. It seemed that now they’d started, it was more difficult not to kiss each other; Zeb’s words were coming between increasingly firmer, warmer kisses.  “Sure, it’s–not the–best–timing, but...”

That, for once, didn’t matter to Kallus–in fact, he had almost forgotten why it might have been considered bad timing at all until Zeb began to roll them over, causing his hip to bump their all-but-forgotten suitcase.

“Ah...” Very reluctantly, he disentangled himself from Zeb and dusted himself off. A few puffs of short, purple fur wafted into the air; Zeb’s winter coat was still shedding. “We’ll be late if we don’t get going.”

Zeb sat up with a groan, rubbing his head dizzily. “Ugghh. Transport doesn’t leave for two hours.”

Kallus felt it would take much longer than an hour for the heat to leave his body, but he forced himself to be responsible and pointedly took the handle of the suitcase. “You’re not accounting for security–and did you pack your comb?” 

“Ye–oh, wait, nah. Thanks for reminding me.” Smiling, Zeb put his arm around his shoulders, hugging him into his side again with a little hum in his throat that was almost a purr. “Such a hardass.”

[bloodmaarked]

to kill a kingdom, alexandra christo

released 2018

read: 21 january 2023 – 01 february 2023

this was... better than i expected? while the premise sounded interesting, i had a feeling that this could either be great, or it could go the extraordinarily boring ya route (think the bright & the pale by jessica rubinkowski) or the unbearably corny ya route (thnk, well, most of what sarah j maas has to offer). luckily, TKAK veered for the most part on the really good end of the scale, and the SJM callout on the front cover really does the book/author a disservice.

in general, i much prefer books that don't prioritise a lacklustre romance to the detriment of the plot, and it felt like this did that well. the burn was just slow enough, simmering gently in the background rather than being dialled up to 11 much too soon. some of the moments of "chemistry", which appear in the form of banter, are a little corny and tropey but it was still enjoyable.

the actual storyline pulled me in and had me excited to pick the book up again and again. there were a couple of truly unputdownable moments, which i loved. the story was full of intrigue, deceit, and high stakes, and there was never a lull in the pace.

on the negative side, i think quite a few of the side characters were a little underdeveloped, and i think it's possible some readers will find the two main characters, lira and elian, unlikeable and boring (respectively). i didn't feel that way personally, but i do feel that had i not enjoyed the actual story, the characters would've rubbed me the wrong way. there are also a few moments of nonsensical character actions (for example, it felt like elian was willing to put his entire dream - everything he lived for - on the line and use it as a bargaining chip with far too little buildup. it didn't feel like he was backed into a corner), but they are easy enough to get past.

overall, though, whilst not groundbreaking, i do think it's worth the read if the idea of pirates, sirens and deception pulls you in!

rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[nimphontheshore]

Babydoll.

J’en profite que tu te sois endormie pour te préparer un petit quelque chose. Pardonne-moi si ce n’est pas beaucoup, mais je ne pouvais pas te laisser partir les mains vides. Surtout que tu fais la têtue à ne pas vouloir me réveiller au petit matin. Also, please do so. If you do feel anxious or lost, im one bip away.

En espérant que mes mots et conseils sachent t’apaiser. Je ne sais pas trop où j’allais en venir avec tout ça, je te laisse t’emporter avec moi.

Sommaire de mes petits mots:

I) En préparation du départ.

II) To read if you’re sad.

III) To read once in the plane.

IV) Playlist if you wanna sleep.

V) To read when you’re bored or about to land.

VI) Pics of boyfriend so you can feel better!

I) *** En préparation du départ ***

Résumé de mon pavé :

- Une fois passé la sécurité, enjoy some time to look at the duty free si tu te sens panicky. Juste tu te promènes.

- Grab some food, you need some strength.

- Trouve toi un endroit proche de ta porte, normalement elle est affichée sur ton billet et sur les écrans autour de toi. Mais je te conseille de plutôt regarder ton téléphone, souvent celle-ci change, et le téléphone reste à jour.

- Réveille moi if you feel stressed.

Babydoll, respire bien ce matin. Je ne sais pas quand tu liras ça, tu seras sûrement in a rush. Peut être que ton seul moment sera dans l’avion. Quand bien même je te fais part de quelques petits encouragements, et des conseils si tu te sens un peu perdue. Je suppose déjà que tes parents vont t’accompagner jusqu’à la porte. Du moins, je l’espère. Si ce n’est pas le cas, ne t’en fais pas. À cette étape, il faudra simplement enregistrer tes valises et te rendre au départ. Tout est assez bien indiqué à CDG, je crois d’ailleurs que tu passes une douane et ensuite la sécurité. Ou des fois il n’y a pas de douane at all. Une fois que tu auras passé la sécurité, j’espère que tu auras acheté quelques snacks à grignoter. Ça m’inquiète de te savoir pas non plus reposée à ton grand 100%, cause i want you to feel completely okay. En sachant notamment que la fatigue enhance stress… Anyway baby. You have to grab some food. Fais toi plaisir dans les duty free aussi, ça passe le temps (si tu as le temps surtout). Puis trouve un endroit pour te poser, comme l’on avait fait ensemble à Montréal, tout ira bien. Attends qu’on annonce l’embarquement et regarde dans quelle zone tu te trouves (1,2,3,4,5,6…) pour que tu saches quand te mettre en file. Comme d’habitude, tu gères ! Et je suis si fier de toi. Je sais très bien que c’est pas facile, je sais encore plus que tu dois être un peu dans un état second après avoir quitté ta famille, alors je suis d’autant plus fier. You’re so brave, and you’re extraordinary. T’es toujours surprenante, tu sais ? Allez doll, c’est bientôt l’heure de rentrer dans l’avion. Vérifie bien que tu possèdes toutes tes affaires, écoute bien les hauts parleurs. Puis installe toi confortablement. J’espère que tu seras couverte, parfois il peut faire tr��s chaud comme très froid. I wish I was there with you, to keep you all warm.

II) To read if you’re sad.

My baby, my babydoll.

I know it’s tough. I bet it is, je sais que c’est dur de laisser ses proches derrière soi. Je sais qu’on le ressent tous de façon différente. Des fois ça va bien puis ça nous hit later, des fois c’est tout l’inverse. Même si je fais ce voyage assez souvent, c’est pas pour autant que je m’y suis habitué. Alors mon cœur est avec toi, et je veux pas que tu te sentes seule. Je suis vraiment and sincerely so proud of you. Je sais que finalement ce voyage a été très attendu, détesté, voulu, t’es passée par tous les stades. Et now is the time. Je sais que je me suis répété des milliers de fois et je sais que ces mots ne seront jamais assez pour apaiser ce petit pincement au coeur, mais ce que je peux dire est la suivante: on a tendance à oublier qu’on a qu’une seule vie et non sept. J’irai même plus loin à dire qu’on en oublie même que nous sommes en vie. Aujourd’hui, tu as l’opportunité de partir expérience quelque chose de nouveau, à l’étranger. T’as carrément une nouvelle chance, des vacances, un moment pour toi, pour ton bien être, pour que tu puisses profiter, même si cela passera par des petites choses. Pour que tu puisses apprendre, des autres, de cette ville mais surtout de toi-même. Trois mois, ça passe très vite, tu sais ? Je sais très bien que tout ira bien pour toi. Je te le répète depuis que tout se concrétise. Je suis fier de toi, fier d’avoir fait ce pas; même si tu dis l’avoir fait au départ pour moi. Je suis juste fier, ouais, et j’aimerai pouvoir te montrer tout ce que je ressens while typing this. Baby, tu retrouveras ta famille avec plein de choses à leur raconter, tu les retrouveras encore plus tôt que tu ne l’entendes. Ils sont toujours auprès de toi. Mais aujourd’hui, aujourd’hui c’est pour toi. Ce voyage is about you, and for you only. Baby, you’re not alone. Quoi qu’il arrive, dans n’importe quel continent, whenever, I’m always with you. Tout va bien se passer. Baby don’t forget to breathe, okay Doll? Je veux pas tout ramener à moi mais le fait d’avoir été “tej” de la maitrise l’an passé m’a réellement remis les idées en place. Finalement, plein de choses m’ont remit les idées en place. Tout ça pour dire que bébé, tu n’es pas en prison, tu n’es forcée à rien, la vie c’est plus simple qu’on le pense. Surtout quand on a la chance d’être aimé. Tout ira bien, tout. Rien ne vaut que tu te prennes la tête, rien de tout ça. Maintenant, c’est normal d’être triste, c’est normal de vouloir pleurer, ou de se sentir déboussolée. Fais moi confiance, tout ira mieux quand tu seras sur place. Tout ira mieux quand tu redécouvriras l’ambiance et la ville, et que tu te diras que ouais! you’re here for a short time, tout ira bien, you will be home plus vite que tu le penses. C’est pour ça que ta tête doit se préparer au voyage, et que ton coeur aussi. J’espère que mes mots te feront du bien, même si c’est dur d’en trouver des bons dans ces moments. It’s totally fair that you feel like that. C’est toujours l’épreuve que je redoute le plus. Et pourtant, here you are. You did it baby, and im proud of you for that. (And for everything). You’re such a sweet girl. Je ne sais même pas s’ils méritent toujours cet amour. Même moi je ne m’en sens pas toujours méritant. It will all be okay baby, I’ve got you. It’s okay.

III) To read once in the plane. (PAS AVANT)

Baby! Here you are. Je voulais te souhaiter une nouvelle fois un bon voyage. Puis surtout, je voulais te répéter à quel point je suis fier de toi puis à quel point je t’aime aussi. Tout comme toi, je n’aime pas te savoir voyager toute seule. Je n’aime pas te savoir dans un avion et moi… At home. Funny how les rôles ont été inversé cette fois, n’est-ce pas ? Mais je relativise, c’est un vol relativement court, tu arrives tôt. J’espère simplement que tu sauras te reposer, car on ne sait pas vraiment la journée qui s’annonce devant toi. Dans tous les cas, tout ira bien; et right now n’est pas le temps pour stresser ni penser à ce qui adviendra. Parfois notre cerveau veut penser plus vite que le monde ne tourne. Parfois on pense alors même que rien n’est sûr, que rien n’est encore écrit. Maintenant il faut se détendre baby, il faut se préparer au repos. Et tout ira bien. Je me doute que tu dois être fatiguée et un peu overwhelmed, dans un état un peu second après avoir quitté tes proches. Puis aussi tout le stress, enfin, toutes ces émotions qui se battent au sein de ton petit corps. J’espère que j’ai pu te rassurer, en te parlant avant le départ. J’aimerai tellement avoir le super-pouvoir de te retirer toutes ces vilaines émotions. Anyway! Que dire? Je voulais qu’on fasse un rapide retour sur ces derniers mois avant que je ne te laisse te reposer. En fait, je voulais juste te rappeler à quel point tu as sué pour te retrouver dans cet avion. Oui, plus les mois passaient et plus ça semblait presque comme une obligation, comme un burden peut être ? Je ne sais pas… Dans tous les cas, j’espère que tu pars avec l’envie et le coeur léger (il doit être un peu lourd à l’heure actuelle). Tu mérites tellement de te retrouver là tu sais ? Je suis fier de toi pour tout ce que tu as accompli. Tu ne t’en rends peut être pas compte, mais tu as tout fait toute seule, you really really got it by yourself. Tu as tenu le coup, même quand tout semblait défaillir. T’as rien lâché. Et ça a été dur on you, so fucking hard. And I hate seeing you like that, I hate knowing you were feeling like that. And I also hated myself some times, because I felt like I was the reason for putting you through this choice. Maintenant qu’on voit la lumière au bout du tunnel, finally, je me sens plus apaisé. Car je pense vraiment toujours autant que ce séjour est une belle opportunité. Je sais que tu as peur, tout est fair, je sais que tu te connais et tu connais aussi tes différentes formes d’anxiété, tes blocages, tout ça. Mais je veux que tu saches que tout ira bien quand même. Pour être passé par là, je sais que certaines choses sont surmontables. Des fois ça passe, des fois ça casse. Des fois ces anxiétés disparaissent, sans forcément qu’on s’y tente à les effacer. Des fois elles reviennent, quand on s’y attend le moins. Tout ça pour dire qu’il faut être vraiment gentille et patiente avec toi même, tu vois ? Je sais que l’anxiété et les peurs c’est très difficilement contrôlable, je sais tout ça et je suis vraiment en admiration devant toi. Car tu vois souvent le négatif et tu mets un peu de côté tout le positif que tu entreprends, sans parfois t’en rendre compte. Mais juste être right now, dans cet avion, ça prouve à quel point tu es absolument extraordinaire. Je pense pas que tu te rendes compte à quel point ça demande une grande maturité, du courage et juste, i don’t know, de la force, pour être finally dans cet avion. Quand je look back, j’en suis vraiment ému, je suis tellement content que cette attente s’arrête et je suis vraiment hopeful pour ce qui s’en vient. Je sais que je te l’ai souvent remué dans la figure, à te dire de grands “j’ai toujours raison” mais j’ai eu raison sur toute la ligne pour la simple et bonne raison que j’ai toujours cru en toi. C’est tout, je te connais, je savais de quoi tu étais capable. I knew it would work for you, and I did pray for you. All the fucking time. It’s all because of you. And I’m so proud. I love you so much. Safe flight babydoll, alright ? Je suis tout près de toi, je te suis à la trace, et je serai là. Always.

[kanisema-blog]

A Martial Master Wakes Up as a Concubine

My name is Ava, and I have been the martial master of my village for as long as I can remember. I have trained in various forms of combat since I was a little girl, and I have always been the strongest and bravest fighter in our village.

One morning, I woke up in a strange room, with rose petals strewn across the floor. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and tried to remember how I got there. That's when I noticed that I was dressed in a beautiful silk gown, and my hair was adorned with jewels.

Confused, I got out of bed and looked around the opulent room. It was then that I noticed a man sitting on a couch, looking at me with a mix of concern and curiosity.

"Excuse me, do I know you?" I asked, trying to sound as polite as possible.

The man smiled and replied, "Not really, but I know you. You're Ava, the martial master from the village of Lira."

I was taken aback by this revelation. How could this man, who seemed to be a noble, know who I was?

"I am Asher, the King's nephew. And you, my dear, are now my concubine." Asher said with a smirk.

My eyes widened in shock. This was a cruel joke, right? My whole life, I had fought to be equal to men, and now I was reduced to being a concubine? This couldn't be happening.

I looked at Asher and tried to hide my anger. "I demand to know why I am here and why you think I would accept such a demeaning position."

Asher's smirk turned into a sad smile. "Your village was attacked by a rival clan, and you were gravely injured. The King took you in and ordered for you to be treated by his best doctors. But when you woke up, you couldn't remember anything. Not even your own name. The doctors said it was probably due to the head injury you suffered."

I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. My village and my people were in danger, and I was here, living a life of luxury.

Asher continued, "The King saw potential in you and asked me to train you in the art of seduction and etiquette. He believes you could become a valuable asset to our court."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was being trained to be a concubine, a mistress to the King.

But as the days passed, I started to get used to my new life. Asher was a patient teacher, and I found myself enjoying our time together. I also learned that he was not just a noble, but a kind-hearted man who genuinely cared about me.

Slowly but surely, I found myself falling for him. And it seemed that Asher reciprocated my feelings. We would sneak away from the palace to spend time together, and during those moments, I forgot about my duties as a concubine and just enjoyed being with him.

But our happiness was short-lived. The King found out about our secret rendezvous and was furious. He had plans for Asher to marry another noblewoman from a powerful family for political reasons.

Feeling betrayed by the man I loved, I decided to leave the palace and return to my village. But before I could leave, Asher stopped me. He revealed that he had been trying to find a way to get out of the arranged marriage and be with me.

With a newfound determination, we came up with a plan to escape from the palace and start a new life together. And with my martial skills and Asher's wit and intelligence, we were able to succeed.

We returned to my village, and I resumed my duties as the martial master. But this time, I had something else to fight for, the love of my life, Asher.

From a mere concubine, I had become the wife of a nobleman, and together, we were unstoppable. And as we stood hand in hand, looking at the sunset over the village, I knew that I was the luckiest person in the world to have woken up as a concubine and found true love in the unlikeliest of places.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Marry Me By Midnight. By Felicia Grossman. 2023.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Series: Once Upon the East End #1

Summary: London, 1832 : Isabelle Lira may be in distress, but she's no damsel. Since her father’s death, his former partners have sought to oust her from their joint equity business. Her only choice is to marry—and  fast —to a powerful ally outside the respected Berab family’s sphere of influence. Only finding the right spouse will require casting a wide net. So she’ll host a series of festivals, to which  every  eligible Jewish man is invited.

Once, Aaron Ellenberg longed to have a family of his own. But as the synagogue custodian, he is too poor for wishes and not foolish enough for dreams. Until the bold, beautiful Isabelle Lira presents him with an irresistible offer . . . if he ensures her favored suitors have no hidden loyalties to the Berabs, she will provide him with money for a new life.

Yet the transaction provides surprising temptation, as Aaron and Isabelle find caring and passion in the last person they each expected. Only a future for them is impossible—for heiresses don’t marry orphans, and love only conquers in children’s tales. But if Isabelle can find the courage to trust her heart, she'll discover anything is possible, if only she says yes. 

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: graphic sexual content, violence, blood

Overview: I saw a positive review for this book on the website Smart Bitches Trashy Books, and the premise was intriguing, so I picked it up. A gender-bent Cinderella retelling? With two Jewish protagonists? It was a dream come true and a welcome break from the endless tales of dukes and earls. Overall, I did enjoy this book, despite some of the stumbles in things like narrative progression and setting up scenes. It isn't a beat-for-beat Cinderella retelling, which I actually prefer, but there were plenty of stakes to keep me interested. As a result, this book gets 3 stars from me.

Writing: At a sentence level, Grossman's prose is just fine, especially given the genre. It's quick and light and balances showing and telling in a way that a romance reader would expect, which isn't a bad thing, since it means this book can easily appeal to those for whom romance is a go-to genre.

I do think, however, that some of the writing could get a little repetitive. Aaron in particular had a lot of moments when he would reiterate his worthlessness, and Grossman very much overused the word "oy" in his perspective.

Still, I very much appreciated the themes that Grossman was incorporating into her novel. I liked the focus on appearances and the way Isabelle felt she had to "perform" for the gentiles. This led to some interesting discussions about what it meant to be a "good Jew" and added depth to the setting and characters.

Plot: The non-romance plot of this book follows Isabelle Lira, a Jewish heiress who must marry someone in order to retain control of her late father's company. After her father's death, the Liras' business partners threaten to seize control of the company unless Isabelle marry someone they can trust. This puts Isabelle in a bind; while the business partners would prefer she marry one of them, she prefers a husband who will act in her best interests and will allow her to make business decisions.

To figure out who will make the best husband in this regard, Isabelle hires Aaron Ellenberg to find her some "leverage" she can use on potential suitors. Aaron is the custodian at the local synagogue and basically lives on the charity of the Jewish community. When Isabelle offers him a chance at a sizeable paycheck - enough to live his own life - he jumps at the chance.

While I liked the stakes of this plot, there were a couple of things that made it less enjoyable to read. For one, there didn't seem to be a lot of progression; there weren't necessarily any events that put new pressures on Isabelle or forced her and Aaron to adapt or change tactics. This meant that the non-romance narrative felt rather flat, and there weren't really any exciting developments throughout the novel.

I also think Grossman had a tendency to extend scenes longer than were necessary by inserting some dialogue or following characters when a scene break would have sufficed. Some examples include moments when Isabelle would pursue a line of uncomfortable questioning that might have been better as a one-liner ("do men like to be kissed in the jaw?" She asks three times until Aaron gives her an answer) or moments when characters wander the streets after a ball or event (this happens a lot). I think tightening up the narrative by cutting some of these things could have made for a quicker, more engaging plot, and it would have meant that Grossman would have had to rely less on things that seemed too coincidental to be believable (such as Aaron being intercepted MULTIPLE TIMES by creeping figures in the dark).

Characters: Isabelle, our heroine, is a nice change of pace not only because she is Jewish but because she is the one with status. Lately, I've been reading a lot of romances in which the male love interest has all the money and social power, but in this book, Isabelle is the one who wields all the influence. I liked her ruthlessness and the way she pursued her ambitions, and her struggle with what it meant to keep her father's memory alive was touching. If I had any criticism, I would say that her affinity for swordplay is a little much; it doesn't add all that much to the story, so it seems like it was inserted to show how independent she is.

Aaron, our hero, was a bit hard to get a handle on. I very much enjoyed that his struggle involved learning to see himself as valuable independent of what work he could do for the community. He has to learn that kindness and compassion are just as valuable (if not more so) than learning a trade or having "marketable skills," and I think that's a message that will resonate with most readers. However, I do think a lot of the excitement of the plot is undercut by the fact that Aaron is not a good spy/informer, and by the fact that he tries to play both the bad boy and the kind prince at the same time.

Secondary characters are fine, though I think some of them were either over or underused. I loved the relationship between Isabelle and her grandmother as well as between Isabelle and her father's valet, Pena. Granted, some of the scenes in which they have heart-to-heart conversations lasted overlong, but I still thought having an extended family like this was lovely. I also think the business partners and potential suitors could have been a little more interesting and more done so that the end of the book didn't feel as random. Isabelle's friend, Rebecca, didn't feel like much of a character and seemed to mainly exist to be a chaperone, so some improvement could have been made there.

Romance: The romance between Isabelle and Aaron was refreshing in that it featured an upper class heroine and a lower class hero as well as forced the characters to reckon with things like the legal status of Jews in the 19th century. I liked that the main barrier to Isabelle and Aaron's union was not only class, but appearances to gentiles, and the two had to work to figure out what was truly important and whether performing for people who might hate them anyway was worth it.

TL;DR: While this book suffers from some narrative stagnation, Marry Me By Midnight is a delightful Cinderella retelling that delves into the lives of 19th century Jews in England. With a ruthless, ambitious heroine and a hero that can't quite decide who he wants to be, this book offers a lot of opportunity for readers to contemplate what is meaningful in life, as well as who might be the best person to share it with.

I also appreciated that consent was very enthusiastically given and boundaries were clearly negotiated, and while some people may find that this takes away from the spontaneity of romance, I thought it was a welcome alternative to the usual intimate scenes we get in the genre.

Still, I couldn't quite shake the feeling that there was something preventing the characters from "geling" as a a couple. They didn't seem to have milestones that brought them together as a unit; in fact, Aaron is pretty bad at gathering information for Isabelle, and while I liked that the two were refreshingly honest and direct with one another, the plot didn't really provide them with enough opportunities to work together.