#Like the scary trans man (me) and scary trans women (my friends) are all just hanging out at 11pm drinking beer after our 9/11 party

[st-dionysus]

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[degendog]

ur forcemasc posts r so fucking good that they have caused me 2 form a parasocial relationship with u /j

seriously tho this is like my go-to forcemasc blog when im dysphoric cuz its just like. immediate cure. like as a super fem trans guy who has only just recently come out of the closet and struggles to embrace masculinity (i swear im Literally the pastel flower crown wearing baby trans boy u wrote abt in that one forcemasc post. not by choice i just need to be forcemasced) i cannot stop thinking abt u absolutely obliterating my holes and forcemascing me and just making me in2 ur idea of a perfect man... i want u 2 tear me down completely just break me entirely and then rebuild me in2 the exact type of man u want me to be. i'd do anything for it really

anon i have been thinking about this ask all day. i’m glad my hornyposting is a dysphoria salve for you

i’m proud of you for coming out and starting to truly live your life, anon. that takes serious balls. i think you need to start going further with it now. what kind of man do you want to be? how do you want to look, truly? do you want to be a muscley gym bro in a muscle tee? a greasy punk you saw smoking a cig outside the gas station? some nerdy guy that works in IT?

don’t worry, baby boy, i’ll help you get there. i’ll get you a haircut, a men’s one, a clipper cut with a squared-off back. or maybe i’ll shave it all off, start from scratch. i’ll slowly start replacing your clothes with ones you’ve always wanted to wear but were too scared to—women’s skinny jeans replaced with men’s straight-cut, “soft boy” button downs replaced with men’s shirts, panties replaced with boxer briefs (easiest to pack with), even your socks get replaced. you can keep that giant dysphoria hoodie you practically live in, but i’ll glare at you whenever you wear it until you change into a real outfit. and i’ll let you keep those flower crowns, but none of them match your new clothes, so why would you keep wearing them? eventually they’ll be forgotten about in a drawer, or given to a friend’s little sister. i’ll force your legs apart if i catch you sitting with them crossed, until it’s second nature to manspread. and every morning i’ll grab the front of your pants to make sure you’re packing, to make sure you remember your dick belongs to me.

i’ll get you on t, do the first few shots for you until i decide you’re ready to do it yourself, and then i’ll watch you with hungry eyes as you inject yourself with what you should’ve had this whole time. i know it’s scary at first, but being a man is about doing shit that scares you. it builds character. so shut up and take the needle.

and sure, i’ll fuck you with my strap until you can’t think, until your thighs are shaking and your holes are tired and sloppy and you’re completely spent, and the only sounds you can make are moans. i’ll jerk you off while i fuck you—don’t you love how sensitive your new dick is? but i’ll also teach you how to top, how to take what you want. i’ll press myself against your back and coach you through fucking somebody else with the very same dick i fucked you with.

when i’m done with you, you’ll be surprised you ever were a baby-trans soft boy. because all you have ever been is a man.

[justanothersanjilover]

One piece Modern Gym AU wips (Part1)

Back again with Trans Zoro thoughts:

Sanji somehow (I don't know how) landed a job in a women-only Gym as a food/health counselor. One day, he’s behind the bar, seeing a very buff, very scary-looking guy enter the gym. Sure as hell, that man doesn't belong in there, so he takes it up on himself to send the creep out.

“What do you want to do about it?”

The guy grinned as Sanji walked over telling him (not very friendly) to get out and asked if he couldn't read - the sign obviously said women-only.

“Then what are you doing here?”

Sanji wanted to punch the smug smile off his face!

“Not that it's to any of your concern, but I work here! And I WILL protect the girls in here!” He barked and made himself ready to throw the creep out.

“Again, what ya gonna do, you stick figure? Kick me out?” The guy asked provocatively.

You can imagine the surprised face he made when Sanji actually kicked him through the front door! There was a split-second where the creep looked approving, slightly nodding, and then he got up again. Sanji braced himself for a punch, but it never hit.

Instead he heard Nami (the manager of the gym) behind him, calling out.

“Zoro? Is that you?!”

She rushed over, pushing past Sanji, and jumped into the creep's arms. Sanji can only stand there, mouth hanging open like a fish on land.

“Shit, I knew the T would hit, but like that?! Man, you got huge!” She continued, laughing and ruffling the guy's green hair (who dyes his hair green anyway?!)

Before answering her, Zoro smirked dirtily at Sanji flipping him off with both hands.

“I worked out, too. It’s not only the T, witch!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Hitting the gym whenever you can - but not my gym apparently! Why is that?”

He pointed over to Sanji, who is feeling very uncomfortable to be suddenly the center of attention after kicking the managers friend (? Boyfriend? No, definitely just a friend!) out.

“As this lovely Gentleman over here just told me, its a women's only Gym. So I’m not allowed.”

“You mean Sanji scared you? Really?”

“No, he didn't scare me. But he had some…hitting arguments.”

Nami raised an eyebrow and looked from Sanji to Zoro and back.

“I’m sure you guys get along well,” she smiled and punched Zoro’s shoulder lightly - he did her a favor and hissed in fake pain, pressing a hand to his shoulder. “Sanji’s the kind of guy you used to take out to your lovely dates.”

“Is he.”

Zoro, again, smirked at Sanji who could tell he was blushing like hell as hot as his cheeks felt.

“I…I’m not…I mean…” he stammered as Zoro broke out in a full belly laugh and Nami joined in.

“It’s fine, Curly. I’m not really looking for anyone right now. Kinda have to figure to much shit out before I gonna let someone into my life again. Don't get your panties in a twist.”

And then he was led away by Nami to “go see the girls; they are going to be sooooo excited to see you again!” Sanji just stood there, mouth open again, staring at the back (the fucking broad back) of Zoro as he got practically run over by all the ladies currently in the Gym.

[tinystepsforward]

i've still been keeping tabs on what's happening at automattic. a couple of things i've observed:

toni schneider (who is a man btw), the interim ceo, has been quite open with staff in ways that mean they generally seem relieved to have him leading the company for now. i've heard people speak optimistically about him from all parts of the spectrum (by which i mean: staff who are trans tumblr users right through to staff who are "anti-woke" or whatever and were absolutely intolerable to work with as a trans person), which seems like... a good sign? maybe.

this relative transparency includes things like weekly updates from an executive level, as well as openly saying that he did have to directly speak to matt and encourage him to, you know, stop posting.

matt is back to his usual milquetoast blogging, and replied to someone on mastodon about the AI issue saying he'd comment on it when he's back in may, so whatever toni said to him seems to have worked for him keeping out of it for now.

people have no idea what it's gonna look like when matt's back.

the best case scenario is that schneider manages to create a significant enough boost in morale and productivity that "it'd be nice if we just kept him" becomes a sentiment that isn't held just by the rank and file. i don't know how likely that is, but there's a sense of cautious hope and of making the most of this reprieve from matt's increasingly erratic decisions no matter what.

the tumblr staff statement was approved by schneider and hr, so i am also hopeful they won't face repercussions. what they said might seem pretty mild from the outside, or carefully worded, but it's pretty clear to me and to most people who've worked at companies like this that it's a pretty bold one.

i'll quote a friend:

keep reminding the more histrionic elements out there that: 1. there really are trans people, INCLUDING TRANS WOMEN, in the fight here. 2. we don't have nearly the power they seem to think we do. 3. we're fighting anyway. was the statement we wrote enough? fuck no. does it fix everything? fuck no. but we literally called out the CEO, and got the greenlight for it from the interim CEO. i don't know where this will end, but that's not nothing.

i'm not sure automattic deserves the immense honor of having this many of its brave, dedicated trans staff put effort into trying to make it better. but it has them, and it would be wise to do its best to keep them. so many of us — even me, even now — believe in the ideals that drew us to the work automattic does, and hope that it can return to them. we will see!

other things i want to say:

the wellbeing of my friends on staff is my priority. i am interested primarily in their safety, and won't pressure them to give me goss. the ways i've spoken publicly are already pretty scary to people who might worry about retaliation against them just for being known to be my friend.

this is a regular personal blog. i'll keep updating if there's shit to update about, but i also don't work at automattic any more (thank fuck, again), have a life, and am not interested in declaring matt my specific nemesis or otherwise acting purely out of spite.

some of youse really deeply do not understand companies, the internet, generative ai, or pretty much anything else i've said. that's okay — big tech in particular is fucked up on purpose bc it benefits those in power to have it be incomprehensible! but maybe it's not a great position from which to get mad at me specifically or at staff for idk not personally assassinating matt.

got tired of blocking transphobes so i've turned anons off. i'll probably flick them back on eventually.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i met with a good friend yesterday and it was really nice but something is bothering me and i wish it didnt.

so she has started to call herself a „queer feminist“. she kept talking about „queer“ this and „queer“ that and at some point talked about reading a „queer“ book. thats when i interjected and said what does queer mean? this tells me nothing. is it about a trans male experience, about a lesbian woman, this doesnt mean anything (turned out to be about a bisexual woman which is why she related which she probably wouldnt have if it was about a different type of „queer“ person). so i go on saying thats why i find the term useless. she says she finds it a useful umbrella term and i say umbrella for what? she says „what if for example a woman dates a nonbinary person?“ im like well it depends if the person is male or female since sexuality is still based on sex. what do i as a bisexual woman have in common with a straight man who thinks he‘s a woman? i dont see us as part of the same group. and while she wasnt able to explain the usefulness of the term she said she would keep using it. out of principle i guess.

and it frustrates me because she like many other women is an intelligent and reflected woman whose opinion matters to me but she seems to mindlessly parrot whats popular right now which makes me take her opinion on feminism a lot less serious. how are you a feminist but you think one can identify in and out of womanhood? who are womens rights for then? people who identify as women or people who are women? at the end of the day, if you think women can stop being women under certain conditions, i just dont know how you are helping the liberation of women.

i just cant take people seriously who earnestly use nothing terms like „queer“ and „nonbinary“ and who think me an extremist for not pretending the person we both know is a woman is a „nonbinary person“. it doesnt seem like she has thought about why its predominantly women identifying as nonbinary, and what background these people have (we live in a very liberal city and shes doing her masters in a program and at a university that is breathing queer theory). its like a virus, smart women suddenly regurgitating and internalising all this seemingly without ever considering the implications and consequences. and it creates a distance between women like my friend and i who definitely share a value system but i refuse to pretend and just accept.

she doesnt even know theres many lesbian, gay, bisexual and even trans people who dont consider themselves „queer“. „queer“ is its own community and NOT an umbrella term for same sex attracted or gender dysphoric people (who are already not a coherent group). depending who you ask, asexuals and intersex people are also included. which basically makes „queer“ another term for „different“ (which is its original meaning completely lost here because we are in germany and only use queer in this context).

and since we had debates in the past i already know where it will go when we talk about it. she considers me to be extreme anyways so we will start with her wanting to reject my opinion. it will end with her saying „i cant argue with that (my arguments) but i still disagree“ because its so scary to start questioning all that while youre in these super „queer“ environments.

[talisidekick]

Thanks for being so compassionate! As someone who's had to defend himself from assault pre transition and assault and attempted trafficking during transition which has contributed to some agoraphobia centered on thoughts like "damn, wasn't safe off T not safe on it", it's been rlly scary seeing ppl shrug off how transmascs are endangered in real life in service of discrediting transandro discourse. Cool seeing who's really real I guess????? anyways hope you're well and warm. Srry about my run on sentence lmao

There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. We only get to see one side publically, and that's pretty much just trans women issues. Media likes to cover just us. I rarely see news stories about just trans men. We don't see the stories about trans men getting stalked or followed around in stores by total strangers, getting attacked in public, rarely a mention if a trans man gets killed. It's happening but you don't see it. You don't see a flood of forum posts about the constant dismissal of, unique brand of hatred around, or the types of dangers faced by trans men.

My introduction to questioning my gender was actually FROM transandrophobia. The reason for this is I've had more of a curvy figure since ... well forever, even though my body was producing T on it's own. I got A LOT of compliments on it by pretty much all my friends (which were mostly girls, and yes that probably should have been a sign but I'm a bit thick sometimes, okay?) because I was "unconventionally sexy" because of it. I'm now remembering I do have a shirtless picture somewhere from before I was on HRT ... I'll work up the nerve to show that at some point to prove that point. Anywho, because of this, a random ass stranger had been following me as I went to grab a few things from a walmart after my shift. It was weird as fuck. Uncomfortably close, constantly looking at me but not what they were pretending to, and I kind of knew this dick was waiting until there was no one in the aisle before pulling something. I'd been mugged before at 14 and 15 so at 24 I was kind of like "I'm not getting stabbed in a damn Walmart" and just made sure to be quick. I got out of the store and met up with some old work friends and just let them know someone was following me and I wanted to wait them out. Props to my friends at the time, they bullseyed the dude (to be fair he wasn't being stealthy) and called him out. And he yelled back "You'll never be a real man" to me. My friends laughed at him because as far as we all knew, I was cis. But this would happen two more times in the same week. A lady would tell me I shouldn't be doing "this" to myself with a full body gesture, and that god "loves" me; and a college colleague flat out dismissed my concerns on something because "only a real man would need to worry about that". It got me wondering if this was a new fad, to hate on someones manliness, and upon looking that up I learned about what exactly transgender meant, the experiences of trans men and women (just a bit on women, my concern was on trans men at the time), and thought it was kind of cool there were people who'd know two sides to the gender spectrum. But it must SUCK to have to go through the bullshit I did and actually be affected by it. Like, no one has any right to tell another man they're less of one.

This whole situation would actually come back to help me 2 years later in finding myself. I'd only really looked up trans men and curiosity mid covid lock down would lead me to look up non-binary and then trans women. However, transandrophobia is how I, a trans woman, got her start. So it boils my blood when I see people talk about T being toxic or trans men having it easier. It shows a complete lack of understanding and a lack of acceptance and willingness to empathize. Trans men and trans mascs have different issues, that doesn't make them lesser, and while those issues may not affect me, it doesn't make it less of my problem to help deal with where I can. I know certain issues I'll have no experience on, no idea how to help, but that doesn't mean I can't still offer to be support. Everyone should be doing the same, and shame on those who aren't.

You deserve equal treatment and support in your fight for it, not dismissal. Those that dismiss the issues of trans men aren't allies, they're transphobes. And fuck transphobes.

[velvetvexations]

Ppl act like gender essentialism (the man/beard brand) is necessary to keep women safe but even that scenario could actually make them less safe bc it downplays the danger of bears, which I think also illustrates the issue I have with true crime. When you're taught as a woman that there are certain dangers that are the worst (be it men or serial killers or rape as the very worst thing that could possibly happen to you), you might underestimate dangers that appear less obvious to you like wild animals, unpreparedness, inappropriate equipment, lack of spatial awareness, going alone when you're inexperienced, heat exhaustion bc, dangers from other animals or bugs bugs (where I'm from in Europe we need to get vaccinated against tick-borne encephalitis, my father didn't, got it & almost died).

I'm from a culture that's big on hiking & hiked a lot pre-transition, mostly with a cis male best friend, and I never had a bad experience with other ppl (except maybe when someone didn't say hello, very impolite) but we did get lost pretty badly once on a new trail with no phone signal & that was scary. I was always safer in the woods with men around bc if there are ppl, you know you're on the right path & won't get lost! Also it you get injured & can't walk or god forbid lose consciousness, you want other ppl there to help you. I also worked at a homeless shelter (pre-transition as well, they all knew me as a short, not at all threatening looking woman) and that taught me to shake off the fear I had of homeless people, men especially, because they too are just ppl & it was bigoted of me to have my gut instinct tell me I was in danger when I saw a homeeles man just existing or behaving erratically in public. It was classist, ableist & was not in fact justified just bc I was navigating the world as a woman.

Yes, keep yourself safe, but actually learn to recognize potential dangers & how to handle dangerous situations, don't just rely on your gut instinct.

I also think we can absolutely teach ppl how to keep themselves safe around other folks without resorting to gender essentialism & sex profiling simply by focusing on behaviors instead of gender presentation.

This would serve to protect trans & queer ppl with a masc appearance/presentation including non cispassing trans fems/women, trans mascs/men, non-binary & multigender ppl, intersex folks, even cis gay men, who are also at a higher risk of being assaulted than cis straight men and yes, even straight men, who are also capable of being victimized. Because nobody is truly safe from violence & abuse, we all need to know how about dangers & be able to get protection from others in our communities!

That reminds me of what I've been talking about recently where someone blamed a fixation on punitive justice on people being tricked into it by white supremacist background radiation in Western culture when it's actually just an apolitical fault of the way human brains are wired that goes back to the earliest human civilizations. And like, granted, this is the third time I'm bringing that post specifically up so maybe I'm overexaggerating the issue because I don't follow that kinna discourse closely, but especially in conjunction with transandrophobia discourse I feel like there's this trap of viewing the things you face as cosmic forces rather than mere sociology, you know?

[pillarsalt]

hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

If i may hope into your inbox rq to rant,i think there's a special kind of masculinazation queer black women go through specifically.There's this weird thing white cis wlw have where they automatically assume 'black women with a queer gender/orientation=masculine presentation' even if the bw in question is blatantly femme(remember the tomboy Megan Thee Stallion allegations💀)and it's highkey insane how they can't wrap their heads around the fact that black women can be girlypops and softgirls as much as any other queer women and i can only imagine how much worse it is for femme black trans women

Like for me i'm bigender and genderfluid along with being bi so i understand why people would assume i want to be masc on first meeting but a quick look at my blog or talking with me will make it very obvious i'm a dude but not the slightest bit masculine and that's absolutely influenced by my black womanhood but white woman fragility makes the idea of unlearning misogynoir 'scary'🙄Ntm my white trans girl friends have been way more normal about me and guys like me than cis girls so that adds to my opinion that transfem and black woman friendships are almost inherent and the overlap between transmisogyny and misogynoir.They think it's 'allyship' but the thing is almost no black woman ever asks to be masculineized

All of this is so true!!!

And then there's the fact that whenever you see Black wlw rep in media, they are almost always butch/stud or on the androgynous/masculine side, and while that does deserve rep, you hardly see femme Black wlw nearly as much, especially when they're paired with a non-Black or lighter-skinned Black girl who will almost always be the femme to their butch, it feels like Black wlw almost never get to be the feminine one.

A lot of white wlw I've seen tend to assume that Black wlw must be masculine, often so that they can be the more feminine one and it's unfair. Plus I feel like Black femme lesbians in particular face a DOUBLE form of femme invisibility that other femmes do not, because while femmes in general are read as straight or seen as having straight-passing privilege(which we do not), Black femmes often face both where we are assumed to be straight feminine girls or we are seen as not being "lesbian" enough because we're femme when Black lesbians must be studs. And it's unfair. And also I wish there was a term specifically for Black femme lesbians the way Black masc lesbians have stud, that was common and widespread, but I also just know that if a term like that did exist, then it would just be co-opted by non-Black femmes anyway, just like non-Black mascs try to do with stud.

I feel too that my femmeness is def influenced by my Black womanhood as well so I see where you're coming from. And I also agree that Black girls and trans girls(esp Black trans girls) should be friends because our oppression, although not identical, has a lot in common on the grounds that we are both denied womanhood by the white gender binarist society.

I wish this was a thing people talked about more, a lot of people act like femmes don't have any unique problems or that we are privileged for being straight-"passing" or having "so much representation" in media, when that is not the case and especially ignores the reality of being a femme of color, especially a Black femme who has to fight to be allowed to embrace her femininity and not be seen as man-lite due to white supremacy. I feel like only other femmes and butch lesbians care about our struggles but that the wider non-lesbian/non-wlw society doesn't? Especially with a lot of lgbt men/male-aligned people saying that the lgbt community has a "fear of/aversion to" masculinity which is complete bullshit(unless you're referring to butch/masc/stud women of course). But we need to start having this conversation! So thank you for bringing it to my attention!

[furious-blueberry0]

Ya know, the problem isn’t even that some people don’t want to see others in bondage or kinky clothings at Pride because of personal reasons, like, if that’s their sensibility/preference or however one wants to call it than fine, look the other way buddy I don’t know what to tell you.

But the thing that makes my blood boil is when they try to justify wanting the leather community gone from Pride by using the same rhetoric that is used by the fucking Right, or by transphobes, or by Terfs, or by racists, to justify them wanting part of the community gone.

“What if the children see them? This is a public event they might get traumatized”

Censoring people of the Queer community by using the “think of the children” rhetoric is an argument as old as time, that was first used mostly for gay people, and is now used a lot to get rid of Drag Queens and Trans people, so I don’t even think I should explain why it’s a stupid argument and why I am not going to take it seriously, thank you.

“I don’t feel represented by them, so I don’t want to be associated with them”

An argument I saw tons of queers use (unfortunately), and that is also extremely stupid. Following this logic, since I am a young AroAce “girl” I should not feel represented by a 50 y.o. bear gay trans man, and so this gives me enough reasons to just say that he should not be at Pride because I/me/myself do not feel represented by him?????? You guys see how stupid this is, right???

Plus, again, this is an argument I see often used when white queers talk about black/poc queers, or when cis queers talk about trans or gender non conforming queers, so no, I am not going to take it seriously.

Also, Pride is not about you individual queer person, it’s about ALL THE QUEERS, of any shape, form or taste. Censoring someone from what is also their day because you don’t like them there by your side, or you want only those that you consider the “good type” of queer is honestly infuriating. Who the fuck do you think you are to decide who can and cannot celebrate their month.

“They make us look bad in the eyes of the cishets, they might get scared and not support us anymore”

Oh great, so now we have to censor and hide queer people because the cishets might get scared??? And not like us anymore????

Well then yeah lets get rid of the leather community, since they are so so scary to them! And what next? We get rid of the Drag Queens? They also scare the cishets. We get rid of Trans people? They also scare the cishets. Maybe we can even get rid of the black/poc queers? They also scare the white cishets. What next? Oh maybe we could even get rid of the masculine women and the feminine men! They also scare the cishets.

Yeah yeah, let’s keep part of the community censored and hidden!! Let’s only keep white gender conforming cis queers marching in the Pride Parade!!! Now the cishets are totally going to support us!!! Am I right?

That’s totally how it works ahah, it’s absolutely not bullshit guys come on, now they are gonna like us and they are gonna give us all their love and support now that we betrayed our siblings because we didn’t like them!!!!

Fuck you

“People are not gonna listen to us if we don’t dress appropriately”

I’m just going to bite and shred your throat at this point.

The people that don’t want to listen to us are not going to listen to us, whether you wear a tie and good shoes, or wear nothing but a pair of leather underwear. So why should I worry about them not listening is beyond me.

What’s personally infuriating is that these are arguments that do not come from random people on the internet, but that are used by three queer friends of mine.

Friends which: did not know the difference between bisexual and pansexual, had no idea what a demiboy or demigirl was, thought that having more than three genders was impossible because they did not feel outside of the binary, honestly asked me “what is a woman?” and said that answering “nothing and everything” was too stupid and that the “allies” would not understand it, and needed me to explain to them what being non-binary meant (I am *cis).

But that for some reason they think that they know what’s best for the community, who should be at Pride, and how to make the cishets like us.

But you guys know what? Fine, may they believe what they want. Those three are never even going to a Pride Parade, may they continue to fight against those that should be their siblings, may they never care about other queers that are different from them.

It’s their own fucking loss, if they won’t even listen to my reasonings, they can continue to be bigoted.

Why help each other, when you can just fight those different from you am I right?

Fuck this makes me so angry.

*during highschool I never questioned my being cisgender, but now I think I may be more and the agender spectrum sooooooo

[writefinch]

Communion

(cn: piss, foot stuff)

It clicked for me about a month ago, years after it had become apparent to the people who knew me, but I'm not short-sighted and self-pitying enough to think that meant I'd wasted time or could've made the leap sooner. If I was less kind to myself I'd say 'boy, I had the maps and I knew the landmarks so how'd I end up in the wilderness so long' but I was sailing through fog, and you know what? When I saw that landmass looming in the distance, I sailed towards it.

I didn't know totally what it meant, still don't in fact. Last year I joked about being a cis boy dyke, and since then I've struck the 'cis' and I'm shaky on the 'boy' and the part that was a joke was the truest thing of all.  Am I a boy? Maybe. A woman? I don't think so. A man? I truly fucking hope not. A good girl? Put a collar on me and we'll see.

The thing about fog is that you can't just step back and get a big picture view of everything. My instincts tell me that if I want to figure things out I should look at them at a remove, see where it fits into everything around it, map things out and move forward cautiously. That's what I want to do, it's what I've always done, but fog makes it impossible. You have to get in close if you want to see things, you can't keep it at a distance.

I couldn't move ahead and start hormones right away, not for a few months, for reasons I won't get into here. Delays don't sit well with me brain because I know my brain and I don't trust it, I don't trust it not to treat this like some other big rewarding involving project like learning Polish or playing Go, decide we're too busy and it's too scary and shove the whole thing into a mental oubliette to never see the light of day again. Sure, my friends call me Charlotte now and I've got she/her next to my Discord username, but I wanted something stronger, I wanted something that would cut into me.

I can't remember the name of the first trans woman I knew as a person, rather than as a punchline to a cruel joke. It was on Tumblr and it must have been after 2015 because I remember she had an Undyne avatar, but maybe not, because surely Violet, the "boy" I'd been practically engaged to, had come out as trans at that point? Surely I knew Skeeter, that poor, vicious mess of a girl well enough by then? It must have been earlier than that, the ponies had turned me queer by 2013 at the latest.

No, no, the Undyne-avatar lady was the first time I saw someone I knew be openly *Marxist-Leninist*, she was just also trans.

Anyway I don't know what it was, but even though I was rock-solid confident in being cis and a guy (a guy or a dude, it never bought me any joy to think of myself as a 'man'), something about trans women just really stuck with me. I found their stories compelling, I found their experiences interesting and oddly relatable, though I didn't suffer dysphoria as I thought they described it. I made friends with some trans girls, some of my friends became trans girls, and suddenly most of my friends were trans girls. I burned at injustices done to them, I bought hormones for friends, donated to trans street medic projects, helped newly-cracked eggs get in touch with DIY medding sources, y'know, normal cis ally stuff.

Recently, I realized that I loved trans women. I fucking love them so much. I fucking love all of the varied and fractious transfemme communities that have allowed me to be a part of them, as nothing more than a cis guy who draws a lot of porn. I'm not going to say anything about Blahaj and Bridget and pink coding socks because I know the girl who fucking hates that silly terminally-online stereotype and I know the girl who *is* that silly terminally online stereotype and I love them both and love so many trans girls in all their aspects between and beyond those boundaries. I have never found myself so close to any group of people, so filled with admiration and wonder and love and lust for them, so overjoyed by their trust and friendship and confidence in me, so blessed to call myself a friend and contemporary, as I have of the trans women in my life.

I had accepted some time ago, with no pain and more than a little pride, that I would admire them but be apart from them, that my place would be as a welcome guest, that I would be among them but not one of them, and--

A crack has opened within me to let the light seep in.

I'm one of them. I really am one of them, they're mine and I am theirs and I never want to let this go, this revelation is a gift that I'm barely beginning to comprehend and I can't bear the thought that I might let it pass me by and slouch back into darkness.

So, I would bring a change upon myself, in a way that was small but could not be un-changed, a vow that could not be forgotten, only consciously recanted.

I cut out a lot of the idea before I brought it up, mostly out of time and expedience. I thought of a prayer to Inanna, but that felt like a clumsy thing to rush, and I decided I'd make a shrine to her only once I had the wisdom to pay Her proper respects. I liked the idea of getting caned or whipped in a purifying way first, but that felt too much like regular kink, just inspiration for another drawing. The idea of doing the ritual under psychedelics intrigued me but, well, I've never done anything but amphetamines and poppers before, and I didn't want to dull the experience of either the ritual or the drugs by combining the two under my own inexperience - though, I did include poppers.

Alice, Emily and Lily - not their real names but you get the picture - were very good about it. They told me it was a cute idea, and we met up at Emily's ground-floor studio flat on Sunday night. We'd have been playing board games anyway, and they even seemed a little excited by the idea, even if they weren't buzzing from anticipation like me.

I'd only worn the clothes once since I'd bought them - black tights, a knee-length straight skirt, a black blouse - but my heart didn't pound like that the first time I put them on. I shaved my face upwards and against the grain, my skin still annoyingly stubble-grey, but that would show much less in the candlelight.

When I stepped out of Emily's bathroom the girls had already set things up, candles and all. They were sitting on chairs in a semi-circle, backlit by flickering orange candlelight. As I approached they got stage giggles; I did too, it felt infectious.

Once the giggles had cleared, Alice, in the middle, asked me to state my name and purpose.

'My name is Sophie, and I am here to recieve communion.'

'Very well,' said Alice, and pointed to a spot between their chairs marked in white tape. I knelt there, a bowl of water to one side and a small bag at the other.

I turned to Lily, bowed my head, and asked her if I could wash her feet. She nodded, and I took the bowl and wash cloth and gently cleaned her feet with warm water. Once they were clean and free of sweat and sock lint, I bent down to dry them with my hair. She nodded her approval, and I asked Emily if I could do the same for her. Likewise I cleaned her feet and likewise dried them with my hair. Alice did not get her feet out, for me nor anyone, and instead allowed me to lick her shiny black boots, which only had the faintest hint of grit to them.

Once I had performed the ablutions, the girls daubed me. Alice held my jaw firm in one hand as she applied mascara to each of my lashes with the other, Emily let me rest my chin on her fingertip as she painted my lips a vibrant red, and Lily stroked my hair as she marked my cheeks with blush. They cooed and called me pretty, and Lily's blush felt superfluous.

I presented each of them with a gift: An Adventure Time tarot deck for Lily, a sharpening stone for Emily, a guide to mushrooms for Alice. They accepted the gifts, and gave me gifts in return: a simple black choker from Lily, a bottle of amyl nitrite from Emily, a stack of trans zines from Alice. My voice cracked a little as I thanked them, and cracked a little more after they watched me take a few long, heady hits from the poppers bottle.

Alice asked me if I was ready to recieve communion; I begged her, please, yes.

She took a blister pack of 2mg estradiol and popped out a single blue pill. I knelt and looked up at her, eyes open, heart thumping, mouth wide.

She placed the tiny pill on my tongue and said, 'Sophie, this bread is your flesh, which is given to you.'

Then, she stood up, unzipped her jeans, pulled her limp cock out of her underwear and pushed it between my lips, which I wrapped tight around it.

'Sophie, this wine is your blood, drink this in rememberance of yourself.'

It took her a moment to start pissing, and her urine immediately washed the pill down my throat. It tasted fucking disgusting, almost as salty as seawater with that weird, almost chemical aftertaste. It turned my stomach, and I felt euphoric as I sucked it down.

After that they praised me and called me a girl and a faggot and a whore, and I kept sucking Alice's cock until Emily wanted a blowjob too, and from there it turned into regular lesbian sex, Lily's chastity cage clinking fruitlessly against mine as Emily went around biting us both and Alice had me lick her armpit clean of sweat, fingering and kissing and pinching until we all got tired enough to start watching movies in Emily's bed.

I got up and fetched drinks and sandwiches for everyone and something happened between aftercare, the aftermath of a religious service, and an after-action report. They all kept calling me a pretty girl, which I *really* liked, and Alice asked me how the whole thing had turned out, if I felt anything had changed, and I had to eat two salami and cucumber sandwiches before I could figure out my answer.

Something had changed, but the change had happened months ago, and it had taken communion for me to see it. It didn't clear up my questions or reveal hidden knowledge, I don't know if I'm a she/her boy or a he/him girl, I don't know if I'm actually a woman or just not at all a man, I don't know if this is a thing I've become or if I've been this all along and it's taken this long to discover it. I don't even know if I've really settled on Sophie.

All I got from communion, from this sacred connection of love and knowledge from other trans girls to me, was surety in the things I already kinda knew:

I'm transgender as fuck and I'm a big fucking dyke.

[cedarnommer]

I've been committing self harm by reading news about trans people and our care and riding a wave of dread and anxiety. I seriously just need to vent out.

I'm so tired of the impossible circle of negativity. If I'm non-conforming, that means I'm a man in a dress. If I'm conforming, that means I'm being misogynistic and replicating the patriarchy. If I speak up I'm silencing women. If I stay quiet I'm a groomer and a predator. I'm both stronger than any cis woman while also somehow being a failed weak male. I'm apparently spreading a social contagion while spending most days at home and having no real life friends. I apparently am mentally ill and need help but I'm also dangerous and should be killed off.

This summarizes the soup of negativity I keep seeing. I wish I could control myself from reading this, yet when you see a large crowd of people saying these things, don't you feel terrified? Any action I do is bad. Any action I do is dangerous. Even if I stood still and said nothing, I'd be a threat.

Do you know why I work carefully on my makeup, what I wear, what my figure looks like? Part of it is that I enjoy being feminine and pretty. Part of it is a fear that I'll be beaten up or killed when outside. I've been ganged up on outside before. I'm afraid for my own life. The bathroom thing is insane. I was so afraid of going to the restroom at some point that I held my pee in for 4 to 5 hours until I got home. I tried using a men's restroom and some men started being hostile towards me.

I'm afraid.

I'm scared.

I don't feel safe.

And all I get is conflicting messages of bigotry. Awful laws being passed. Literal Nazi organizations funding anti-trans research and sentiment just so I could stop existing. This is beyond evil. Beyond painful. It's scary! It's wrong!

I'm someone that can't talk to most people! I don't even register that people are around me. The world is less overloading when you have your earphones on and listen to music.

I'm physically weak. I'm an emotional wreck. I deal with anxiety. And I just want to be left alone. I want to spend my money on my pills, wear cute outfits, take nice selfies and share them with my friends. Maybe one day being with my friends and partner. That's my dream life. The life I'm striving towards.

What?

You expected more?

Some grand plan to enslave women?

To tell others how to live their life?

I haven't had much for most of my life. My transition is the first time I've felt accomplished. Felt like I fulfilled my only dream. I don't want money, a house or anything else. I don't even care about the stupid sex that these bigots are so obsessed about! I never asked to have these genitals!! My whole life has been suffering and mental problems, family problems, school problems and abusive employers. I.. I just want my quiet happy life where I get to be a beautiful woman. So.. why do so many people want to have me suffer more?

What did I ever do to these people that they relentlessly bully and harass me and others?

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey Gin this might be a silly thing to ask, but how did you realize you were trans? Cause ever since I saw your trans Stan and Ford I think I had some sort of relivation, it started with just really enjoying the art you drew to me feeling some sort of envy. Either that I want to dress more masculine or that I actually want to be a man, cause honestly when I look at your trans stans I just feel so much gender envy (jealousy?) And on my last period I had a whole crying fit over it starting, which has never happened before. I just don't know if this is actually what I'm feeling or if it isn't. I've had thoughts of telling my mom and fearing the consequence. This is just all so new and I'm honestly scared. I figured I'd ask you since I look up to you and from what I've seen you are quite wise. I don't really know why I have so much self doubt and constantly flip flop over things. It's frustrating, I just wish I could be certain about something for once. Sorry about this, I'm a mess really.

It’s not silly to ask. My answer is unfortunately a little silly, because I’m a goober. I also typed A LOT so its all going under a read more

So, I was 16 and on tumblr even more than I am now, and I was (still am) friends with a trans woman who reblogged a post that was like “Just trans girl things: eating dark chocolate because it has substances similar to estrogen” and I went “Haha i guess I should stop eating it.” followed by “…why do I feel that way” and THAT was followed by quite the crisis.

Trans men weren’t as well known about back then, so I was like “Well, it means nothing, since only women can be trans”. And then I found out men could be trans too and that pushed my crisis further along. And I started to think. About how I liked when people defaulted to male pronouns for me on the internet, or how when i was a kid I would use a crazy amount of shampoo to make my hair look short and flatten my chest in front of the mirror and look at it. Things like that. And I got upset because “no i can’t be trans that’s impossible”. I would google things like “how do you know if you’re trans”, “quiz to see if you’re trans”, ect.

But the idea of being seen as a man was exciting. It was tantalizingly exciting. And I knew it could be possibility for me someday, and I knew that made a part of me happy and I couldn’t un-know it.

Final straw was a nonbinary person I had been following made a post about how they were going to start taking testosterone. And instead of feeling happy for them I just got mad and started sobbing to myself. Because I was so extremely jealous. So jealousy absolutely has its place in figuring things out.

You should think. Think about attaining the things you’re envious about. Does this make you happy? It’s okay if it’s upsetting or scary at the same time. Change often is. But if it makes you happy, excites you, gives you hope for the future, it’s worth thinking more about.

-

You don’t have to jump into telling your mom right away (and I wouldn’t really recommend it till you’re a little more sure of yourself). You can go at whatever pace you want to. I didn’t tell my mom (or anyone in my real life at all) till I was like, 20. And I’d known for 4 years at that point. You’ve sent me a tumblr message, so I’m assuming you’ve got an account here. I’d say asking your friends on this website to address you as male would be a good way to ease into things. And you can see if you like that or not.

For how you dress, again, you can ease into it. Personally it made me happy to dress in athletic clothing (especially tank tops- to show off my non existent guns), or to dress like a greaser (Though I preferred a black t shirt to a white one), or a golfer. None of those things particularly scream ‘man’ but they were man enough to me. You can find things man enough for you. If you want to try out a binder and think you can get one without anyone noticing, my first ever one was a Tri-top from Underworks. They’re like $30 or so. I was able to get away with buying it because I was a cosplay nerd so I just said it was for that.

If you’re the type of person who owns makeup- you could try to find some time alone just to have an experiment of mimicking drag king makeup, or makeup for cosplayers doing male characters. I did that once early on, and while it looked admittedly goofy, it made me ecstatic at the time.

-

Er sorry for things getting so long. But I just want to say lastly that self doubt is both normal and okay. And thinking far in the future (ie- things like coming out to people or hormones or anything like that) might scare you. But you can take things one step at a time if you want to. Play with just looking at clothes, making outfits on pinterest or whatever, imagining scenarios where people address you as male, thinking of names you might like. See what makes you happy, and expand on the things that do from there.

And regardless of what you discover, in the end you will have learned more about yourself. And that's always a good thing.

[phantom-of-the-memes]

It’s getting so scary in Dublin. Every other day there’s an attack. Last night there was a MACHETE attack caught on camera.

The perpetrators are all white Irish men, who think they own the city, of course. When they’re the ones actively making this city worse.

All there is to stay safe is to avoid going out late at night if possible. If you have to, walk with at least one other person.

Self defence tips are great and you can find loads of videos online. But it’s kind of hard to rely on them when you’re not trained directly by a professional. Not everyone can afford actual classes.

As well as that, a lot of the tips require you to have some form of strength training anyways to be able to put enough force into it. Which again, not everyone can go to the gym/ work out.

Also for people like me whose physical disability makes them much weaker than the average person. Like even with all the tips and tricks, realistically I won’t have the strength to fight someone off.

So weapon carrying can be the only thing to make you feel safe. I know this as a visibly trans and queer person, with other trans friends who do the same. Especially trans women. I swear if you need self defence tips go to them, because the unfortunate reality is they have to be ready at any moment for attacks. As a trans man it’s so much easier for me to walk the streets than them.

The issue with this however is that basically all weapon carrying is illegal in Ireland. Which I agree with, if it also came with preventing fascist white men from attacking people of colour/ immigrants/ women/ queer people/ trans people. If they’re attacking us with weapons, why can’t we attack back with weapons?

This is just what me and my friends personally do, so don’t necessarily take advice from me. But some of us carrying Swiss Army knives because they’re legal to buy. They’re really not designed for self defence, but it’s what we have!

I also have a fake switch blade that’s a “comb”. It’s pretty shitty as a comb. But yeah like it’s proper metal and heavy in your hand. And it flips up like an actual switch blade when you press a button. The comb is long, rectangular, and metal. It wouldn’t function as a weapon, but the point is it looks like one. Especially at night or if you just show it without flipping it up. You can get them on amazon, and they’re not too expensive.

The issue with carrying these things is that if you defend yourself it can be argued in court that you were a perpetrator looking to attack your attacker. But honestly if it means the difference between life and death, it might be worth it.

Feel free to add on with corrections or tips!

[ihatepolice1234]

the mistreatment of people with personality disorders is so infuriating. why does no one love me. why was i the toxic one in the relationship when my partner was literally transphobic and ableist and racist. literally was friends with nazis. literally im trans and disabled and jewish. literally made me uncomfortable despite me telling him to stop. literally told me it was my fault and its not okay if i am vocal about the fact im uncomfortable. why do you hate me. why are my mood swings the end of the world.

"youre acting weird" -him "i havent been doing so good lately" -me "this behavior is making me uncomfortable and it concerns me" -him

literallyyy he said women are the "greatest thieves of a man's energy". literallyyy called his mexican friend a tacoslave. literallyyyy said to a THIRTEEN/FOURTEEN YEAR OLD "this is why your mother abuses you". literallyy told me this when he found out that 13/14 yr old was an ISTP "i cannot trust ISTPs they will attempt to hurt or destroy me" in which i said "??? (name) is like 12". "leftists are really closed off and judgmental" youu got 100% judgment for MBTI (saying this since you used MBTI to dictate all of your thoughts) and you admitted to being really closed off. called a leftist version of a nazi we knew and that im ignorant and i dont listen to other beliefs. when the conversation was either 1) unrelated to politics or 2) about people dying. "instead of hating muslims you hate christians" i think every religion is cultish.. i used to be a christian.. he had no reason to say this except for the fact i stated i was either atheistic or satanist.. "instead of hating black people you hate white people" im literally white.. i dont hate white people.. i just acknowledge that white people are oppressors.. and that racism exists.. and that white supremacy isnt good.. "you want to genocide those of differing ideologies and races" ??? where did this come from?? 'differing ideologies and races' WHO????? who and what are you referring to???????????? "you get your beliefs from jreg and sources that shouldnt be taken seriously" my interest in politics came from jreg.. sure.. but i KNOW he shouldnt be taken seriously.. thats why i dont take him serious.. thats why i spend my time learning about politics.. from actual good sources.. "why should i have to listen to you when you shut me down whenever i wish to add something" when did i do this??? maybe you were just wrong.. and saying some racist or ableist bullshit.. maybe that should be recognized as wrong by you.. but it isnt.. you make jokes about being schizophrenic, you dont care about my mental illness and how it affects me, you blame me for it like its my fault ??? like come on bru.. you misgender me after i stop talking to you.. as soon as you found out i was trans (which was NEVER supposed to happen) you called me my deadname.. "i think i understand, you dont dislike me, youre just out of control of your own emotions and need to become a better person" so close.. but so far.. "i cant separate myself from my mental illness as well as you can" -me. AND THEN HE LAUGHING EMOJI REACTS ME??? WHAT??? "i cant do the same things you can" -me "skill issue" -him. LIKE WHAT "not a lot of people understand me only (name) does" you told me you wanted to kiss me and have a future with me. you told me you wanted to go places with me and hug me and be with me forever. and then you proceeded to make fun of that person behind her back??? are you kidding? and then when she found out you told her it wasnt true?? and just a joke??? and now she isnt friends with you, because now you make fun of her, and you basically left her for someone else who even called you explosive and scary.

"vin my not understand tone as well as you do and the thing about online arguments is that theres no way to tell tone besides tone tags. i dont think he was coming off as rude (nor was he trying to, as stated by him), just different" -my friend

"ok, well some people being slow and incapable of processing social ques doesnt enable them to be cocky and belittling. there is a way to show tone, you can read it in someone's speech patterns, and if youre incapable of picking up on those tones then you simply have a bad intuition and understanding of people and how they work." -him

why are you a hater

[velvetvexations]

in reference to that one post you just RB'd about trans women constantly getting pushed into being non-binary by transphobes:

transmasculine people consistently get that treatment too. radfems CONSTANTLY lament "why can't you just be a tomboy? a masculine woman? a butch lesbian?" (as if all transmascs are exclusively attracted to women, or all transmascs want to present masculinely)

i had an ex gf who consistently manipulated me out of medical transition because she considered it "too close" to being a "real man" and that would thus make me scary and a predator and like all the bfs she had before me. i get "but testosterone will make you angry and scary, can't you just be a man and not take T?" from my cis women friends ALL THE TIME when i bring up transition.

that's not an exclusively transfem experience. it's just the trans experience, of other people feeling the desperate need to deny you who you are by any means necessary, and insist that you don't have to go through such "drastic" measures to feel comfortable as if they understand in the slightest how it feels to be trans.