#Like boss did something happen? should we call someone??

[elleluvsjurin]

between us

synopsis: phone sex with kazuha and an added surprise

pairings: kazuha nakamura x fem!reader

cw: oral(idol rec.), nipple play, strap usage(r rec.), a hint of fluff, power bottom!fem reader

a/n: proofread? no, i pulled this fic out of my ass!

cis men or minors DNI

dating a model was not for the weak. you weren’t able to see your girlfriend every day or even talk to her every day. it’s been months seen you’ve last seen kazuha knowing that she’s across the world and working her ass off. you’re very supportive and proud of your stunning girlfriend. with not seeing her for months also comes with not being able to touch each other. however, you made sure none of that came between the two of you.

you decided to call her because you haven’t heard her voice in so long and you think it’s time that you two talk. the phone rings three times before she picks up.

“hey baby.” kazuha says on the phone and you softly smile.

“hi zuha, sorry for the sudden call..I just miss you.” you tell her, whispering the last part

“no no, you’re totally fine. maybe we should face time?” she asks

“sure, let’s do it.” you say clicking the button on your phone hearing the ringing sound of the Facetime app and then she appears. she’s wearing a white cropped top and jeans from her photoshoot, her long black hair cascades over her face but she quickly fixes up her hair so she can see your face as she sits in a car.

“god you look beautiful.” she says and you feel your face start to heat up from the compliment

“heh..thank you. you look even more beautiful than me. im sitting here in a nightdress” you mumble

“still, you look amazing.” Kazuha beams

“thank you.. where are you?” you ask

“i was going to get something to eat but i wanted to cater to your needs.” she says

“ok, then you should go ahead. we can call later.” you replied

“no! i want to see you and talk to you. we will stay on the phone. show me what you’re wearing, god I’ve been missing you.” kazuha answers

you prop the phone up on your vanity and you turn on the light exposing your dress. luckily for kazuha, you’re wearing nothing up under it.

“i just got out of the shower.” you say, awkwardly chuckling

“perfect. i can’t wait to get my hands all over you again.” kazuha says and you smile.

“well..why wait?” you say pulling down your dress, exposing your breasts. you nipples instantly hardening at the cool air from your place.

“my god..” kazuha softly mumbles. you giggle, grabbing the camera off the vanity and you lie on the bed, spreading your legs so she can see your soaked cunt.

“like what you see?” you ask innocently and she nods

“i love it.” she whispers. you take two fingers and your spread your pussy lips so she can see the inside of your cunt.

“mmmh i wish you were here..to show me who’s the boss.” you softly moan as you slowly stick one of your fingers inside of your warm hole. you hear her chuckle on the end of her line but she turns off her camera as you’re exposing yourself to her.

“hold on.” she says before ending the call.

you hear the door open and you instantly put your phone down to see who it is and it happens to be your girlfriend.

“zuha..i didn’t know you were coming.” you mumble while hugging her. she wraps her hands around your waist and presses her lips up against yours.

“i know, i wanted to surprise you.” she says, giving you a quick peck to the lips.

“mmh well you definitely did surprise me.” you say in a seductive manner, pulling off her jacket.

“oh? someone’s needy.” she replied, chuckling as you hurriedly pulled her into the shared bedroom

“oh yes i am.” you growl, pushing her onto the bed.

you softly kiss on her stomach, her abs flex for you, licking all over her. she pulls her shirt from over her head, exposing the black Calvin Klein sports bra, like a good girl, she takes it off.

“keep going, i like it when you’re in control.” kazuha mutters. you do as you’re told, you pull down her pants and eventually her boxers. she spreads her legs for you, you gulp when you see how wet her pussy for you.

you bend down at eye level with her cunt as you slowly spit on her clit. you start to lap her pussy with your tongue and kazuha whimpers. she grabs at your hair as you eat her cunt.

“f-fuck..don’t stop.” kazuha moans aloud while you stick your tongue in and out of her pussy, her juices spill all over your tongue during the act. kazuha throws her head back against the headboard. you eventually start to suck on her clit, your moans sending shockwaves to her cunt as she grips your hair tighter.

you lap away at her pussy, her juices spilling all over your tongue.

“just like that..gonna make me cum!” kazuha cries out. you pull away, sliding two of your fingers in her soaked cunt, automatically hitting her g spot. the squelching noises of her pussy alone could make you cum untouched. her moans echo through the walls as her legs twitch around your arm.

kazuha lets out a long, pornographic moan as she starts to cum on your fingers. you continue to pump your fingers in and out, helping her ride out her long awaited orgasm.

you softly blush, pulling your fingers out of her.

“that was so good.” kazuha mumbles, smiling lazily at you. you straddle her lap on the bed, pecking her soft lips

“mmh wasn’t it?” you say. she pulls you into a deeper kiss while she smacks your ass.

“need some more of you.” kazuha purrs in your ear

“oh?” you roll over on your stomach.

“want the strap?” she asks

“hmm…” you start, thinking to yourself. “…yes, let me ride, i wanna be in control.” you finish

“fine.” kazuha says, getting up to get to strap from the closet in your shared bedroom. you hurry up and strip out of your nightgown.

she takes a few minutes to completely put it on. she ends up laying on the bed to wait for you. you hurriedly climb on top of her slender body, sinking your tight cunt onto her silicone cock.

“god damn…” you softly moan out. kazuha grabs onto your hips while you start to move yourself up and down on her cock. you grabs her breasts while you start to bounce up and down on her cock.

“you look so sexy.” kazuha mumbles, looking up at you.

“mmf- feels so good zuha~” you whimper. your legs give out and kazuha wraps her arms around your waist, starting to thrust up into you while you grab her face, sloppily kissing her lips.

“f-fuck!” you moan out as she pumps her cock into you, hitting your g spot with each thrust. your skin claps against hers while you roll your eyes to the back of your head. you wrap one of your hands around her neck while she thrusts into you.

“y-yes..” she moans as your legs start to tremble.

“mmh..almost there, zuha” you moan in her ear, while she smacks your ass.

“shit, give it to me~.” she moans while you bounce up and down, matching her thrusts.

“a-ah!” you moan aloud, curling your toes as your orgasm runs through your entire body. after kazuha is done, she pulls out of your spent cunt.

you get off of her lap to help with taking off the harness before you throw it across the room, you will be cleaning it soon but for now you want to spend some time with your girlfriend.

you softly kiss her cheek before mumbling, “such a cute soft dom!” you beam as she’s normally in control in the bedroom, however tonight was much different.

“stop..” kazuha says with a hue of pink beginning to form on her cheeks.

“never.” you whisper before twirling a piece of her dark strand of hair around your fingers. you lay across her body, both of you holding each other.

you kiss your gf one last time, forcefully dragging yourself out of bed to start the night routine for the two of you.

a/n: everyone knows i suck at ending fics! but anyways it’s been 4 weeks since ive released something so this was super rushed, i want to try and release a fic for Christmas!!

[somegrumpynerd]

A few more Freaky Friday au doodles, Dream is trying to keep up the act and Nightmare has been worn down

[baejax-the-great]

One of the things missing in Veilguard is any sort of meaningful power struggle. By keeping to the poorer parts of the city-settings, we don't really deal with corrupt or powerful nobles. By defanging the Crows, an organization who famously has lethal squabbles between factions, they turned them into some weird, benevolent family organization. Even the assassin trying to make "evil" power plays doesn't actually manage to kill any of his targets, and his ruthless relatives? Also don't kill him in revenge. In the end, the status quo is maintained. Nothing has changed.

In Tevinter, we have the Threads, an organized crime unit who we know runs "protection" rackets on the locals and is involved in some kind of smuggling (it's Tevinter--so presumably this would involve slavery and dangerous artifacts, but it's Veilguard, so I guess not). Instead of them beefing with the Shadow Dragons, who presumably ruin some of their deals with their pesky "freeing the slaves" thing, and instead of their main issue being with any sort of law enforcement, something which doesn't exist in Veilguard beyond one singular templar who does all of jack shit the entire game, their main power struggle is with the Venatori, who are evil just to be evil.

And instead of the Veilguard siding with law enforcement or the threads and enlisting their help to, idk, unseat the corrupt head of the templars or otherwise deal with the venatori shit, the threads are highly favored by the storyline, and in the end the only real choice is to make Neve a thread or to make her... idk, the same Neve? The game calls her an "inspiration", but it's not like she's part of any organization, so we can't call her a figurehead. It's just like, see that random citizen right there? She rules. And I don't really see how that increases the power of the rule of law, because even if one good person is working within rule of law to get things done, she's not part of the system, and everyone already know the system is corrupt in Minrathous. Random citizens in fucking Ferelden know the system is corrupt in Minrathous, or they would if they weren't all dead. Neve is now just playing on hard mode to appear righteous, which, good for her, but I'm sorry, won't inspire all that many people who are still paying "protection" money to the local mafia.

(Putting Neve in charge of the Threads is an absolutely whackadoodle decision by the devs that I don't even know how to respond to. She has a single Thread contact. Presumably the Threads have a hierarchy. She has never demonstrated interest in being a smuggler. Being a detective really has no overlap with being a crime boss. Telling a group of criminals that they are all detective's helpers now is sure to go over like a lead balloon. What the fuck was that. Why did that happen.)

Maevaris and Dorian arguing came out of nowhere and lasted a fairly long time, which was interesting, but after the most recent election in the states, Maevaris's position sounds unbearably naive and trite, and this hardly counts as a power struggle as they both say they will support the other depending on what some random outsider thinks should happen. (That is soooo not a basis for a system of government. Why would Maevaris OR Dorian cede their power to Rook, someone they don't know and who doesn't matter)

The power struggle within the Wardens is also very stupid and easily solved. The First Warden is a moron. He dies (kind of). For some reason the extremely hot and competent couple who we first encounter in the middle of nowhere are next in command, so, phew. Problem solved there. A question of what the Wardens will do now that the Blights are over would have been interesting. Do they keep recruiting lest the Blight somehow reoccur and nobody remembers the Warden secrets? Or do they disband? Do they set themselves to seeking a cure and nothing else?

The closest you get to that is deciding what the griffons will do, which, again, why the fuck is Rook deciding that, but also there are 13 of them, in two or three more generations they will be dead unless a lot of mages bone up on genetics real fast.

Who is left? We have Rivain, which is just pointless in this game. I played as a Lord of Fortune, but you could drop that faction and not a single thing changes in the game. Pirates who don't loot valuable artifacts because they are elvhen? Give me a fucking break.

Same for the Mourn Watch. There is pretty much nothing going on in that region. You could excise it from the game and nothing changes in the slightest. There is not a single excuse for them not using the Eluvians to help the Veilguard earlier in the game, given just how little they have going on.

The Veiljumpers are just missed opportunities all over the place. They could have had factions debating whether to join the god of vengeance in fucking up the human civilizations as payback for, you know, everything. They could have had people joining Cyrion in thinking that a Forgotten One might be the best way to face down the gods, given they'd done it before. There could have been a HUGE cultural impact on "what do we do now that we know our gods are evil fuckfaces--what do we keep and what do we throw away," but Veilguard ain't that deep. They could have had knowledge of a super-weapon or some elvhen bullshit that would help the Veilguard fight the gods... but nah.

In DAO, your decisions not only affected the political futures of the various regions, but they decided who would help you and how. Did the dwarves have golems? Did you have templars or mages? That whole wolf thing with the Dalish that I no longer remember that well? And the Dalish deciding to help changed how they were viewed in Ferelden. The mages helping you meant the monarch would treat them favorably. It fucking mattered.

In Veilguard, the only situation remotely close to that is the dragon decision at the beginning, which was one of the fucking dumbest plot points in a video game I have ever played. It was the first thing that made me set my controller down and go... what? What the fuck? The idea that Rook, a nobody, is the only person singularly capable of driving back a dragon in the entire north is laughable. What the fuck was Dorian up to that day? How is Rook more capable than every single Crow? How is it the two companions you sent to the other city were absolutely useless? If Lucanis/Neve + two companions were unable to drive a dragon away, what makes them think Rook would be the deciding factor? What makes them blame Rook when they themselves couldn't fucking do it? Neve in particular was a big part of fucking up that ritual and releasing the gods, so why is Rook taking all the fire for this?

AND WHY IS THEIR RESPONSE TO A BLIGHT TO FIND A SINGLE DRAGON HUNTER? HEY DIPSHITS, THE DRAGON IS HUNTING YOU. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THAT PART. YOU NEED AN ARMY.

But Treviso or Minrathous being spared doesn't change the global political situation at all. It would have been really interesting if it did. Tevinter hobbled? How many kingdoms would be salivating to take a bite out of their territory? With the trade princes of Antiva being absolutely fucked over by the Blight, who is taking over that trade? Who is getting rich?

Nobody, I guess, because why would Rook know or care about that, because, as previously mentioned, they are a nobody who doesn't matter and honestly shouldn't be listened to.

The stakes in this game are nothing because the bad guys are all so obviously bad that you know, as a video game player, that you are going to defeat them. Oh, the Antaam are just mindless, faceless brutes fucking up Treviso? Okay, let's kill them. Venatori again? I'm pretty sure they aren't the heroes of this game. There's no power struggle, and in the end all we've done is revert to the status quo, (except i guess Treviso is no longer occupied).

Except for the south. The south is dead. but we didn't have anything to do with that for some reason. Couldn't even be bothered to house some refugees in our safehouse that was built specifically to house refugees. The Inquisitor, who has access to the eluvians, couldn't figure out how to get other people through them or something so... sorry, every single Orlesian, Fereldan, and Marcher.

[spencerrreiddd]

Three, Two, One. - Chapter 1

Summary: You and Spencer have worked in the BAU together for years, since the beginning but now, he's your boss and something quite big is happening in your life & soon to be Spencer's life after needing each others help to unwind.

Pairing: UnitChief!Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

WC: 3.3k

Warnings: Pregnancy, Angst, Cheating??

A/N: LOW & BEHOLD- here lays my first beauty. - my apologies is this is complete shit, I have not written in a while & I may have to get my special touch back. - anyways, i hope you guys like it ! 🔪🤍

Three, Two, One. Chaper 2.

three, two, one-

pregnant.

You were pregnant. You were pregnant with your bosses baby.

Spencer has not always been your boss, you actually started working for the BAU a month before he had even started working there.

He took over Emily's position once she moved up to FBI Director a few months back, at that congratulations party is when something sparked between you and Spencer- just, neither of you acted on it

You remember exactly how and when it happened too, it was the party after his promotion to Unit Chief. Goddamn promotion parties. You didn’t think you drank that much, until you woke up naked beside your new boss.

The temptation to pack a bag and hop on a flight across the world sounded so appetizing right now in your mind, too bad that it isn't realistic & you were going to have to face the facts and that was including, him.

There was never any “no speaking of this” - only us meeting up at my apartment, his apartment, our hotel rooms when we were on a case and needed to ‘unwind’ - the last time you and Spence had even slept together was 2-3 weeks ago anyway, of course when y'all needed to unwind after a case. Who could've guessed that one?

You were snatched from your thoughts when you heard your phone ringing from your bedroom- running for it, you were hoping that it wasn't Spencer.

‘Penelope Garcia 🖥️💖🍩’ 'thank the heavens' you silently think to yourself

“What’s up, Penny”

“Spencer is busy, he put me on duty to call you to find out if you plan to show your face at work today, ya know- since it is a work day and no show, no calls are frowned upon here" Your neck snaps to look at your alarm clock.

"Also, he wants to see you in his office once you get here"

7:32 A.M - have I seriously been staring at a positive pregnancy test for an entire hour?

“Fuck. See you soon. I'm leaving right now"

The short drive to work felt longer than it should have, probably because you took back roads to avoid having to see him again so soon. If you were already running late, what is a few extra minutes?

So many thoughts flying through your mind. How are you going to tell him? Oh hey, by the way, ya knocked me up so what’s the plan bud?!

“I'm doomed" You mutter to yourself getting out of your vehicle to go face reality, to go face the man of your now growing child. This has to be a nightmare.

Getting off of the elevator, the first person you saw was Alvez- boy, you were thankful that it wasn't Spencer, even though you'd be seeing him in just a few minutes.

"Looks like you saw a ghost"

"Yeah, Luke, something like that"

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not right now, I just want to forget about it- I need to see Pen" yeah, Y/N, like you'll actually be able to forget about it.

You make a beeline directly for Penelope's office, you have to tell someone about this before you actually lose your mind.

"Pen, I have news and it has to stay between you and I only"

"Your secret is safe with me, my love"

"I'm pregnant.. with Spencer's baby" you hesitated even saying the last part but wow, that felt good to get off of your chest, too bad it won't feel this easy with Spencer. Just thinking of having to tell him has you feeling like someone is choking you out.

"Oh."

"Oh? Pen, I am in a state of panic, a state of shock and you say 'Oh'- I don't know what to even begin to do here or how to even tell Reid that I am carrying his.. spawn"

"Spencer has a girlfriend or did, as far as I kn- okay, when did you find out” She cuts herself after seeing the look of horror on your face after hearing the beginning of her sentence, understandably so!

You were NOT the type of person to sleep with a taken man.

You were confident that you were about to face plant the ground right here and now in Penelope’s office. Did Spencer have a girlfriend or not? And were you about to go physically fight him for doing this to her, if so? You would be considering yourself jobless at that point.

“I found out this morning, literal minutes before you called me to get my ass here” you were in a pure state of panic and you had many good reasons as to why.

“How long has he had a girlfriend, Pen?” you continued- you were sure your skin was blistering with how hot it was at this point. Was it hot out of anger or the panic attack that was charging at you? Who knows anymore because you didn’t care enough in this single second to sit and determine that.

"I don't know, he just mentioned a date a few weeks ago then didn't mention anything again but I know he's still in communication with her and by the contact name in his phone, I don't think they are just friends" Penelope lets you in on all of this, nervously- like she isn't supposed to be saying anything at all.

"Thanks, Pen" You murmur to her her as you leave, you have to leave her office, the longer you are in there, the more it feels like the walls are literally closing in on you.

Walking into the hallway, you don't know which direction to go- You should probably go see Spencer and give him some bullshit excuse as to why you were late.

It was barely 8 A.M, maybe it was past 8 A.M now- your mind is going too fast to try and keep up with time. Regardless, it's too early in the morning to drop a pregnancy announcement on someone.

Finally, you muster up the courage to walk into the bullpen to go on the hunt for Spencer, as much as your mind and body are telling you to just bolt to your car and never look back.

"Tara, do you know where Spencer is?" You ask quietly, so that you don't disturb the others around you

"No, I saw him walk out of his office a few minutes ago but I haven't seen him go back in. If you find him before me, let me know because I need to go over some things with him"

"I'll go knock and see if he's back, thanks Tara"

You can visibly see his blinds are closed but majority of the time they are closed anyways, so that doesn't even matter to you. Walking up the flight of stairs to get to his office is exhausting, it feels like your legs weigh 1000 pounds each.

Standing in front of his office, you hear talking inside- You can very clearly hear a females voice inside talking to him but you honestly couldn't tell if she was over the phone or actually in his office by how muffled it is, it's safe to assume that it is a phone call.

"No going back now since you're already here" You mumble to yourself

Knock, knock, knock

"Come in" You hear a muffled Spencer behind the door

As your opening the door, you quickly hear him state to the woman on the phone 'I have to go, I'll see you tonight' - God, as if you haven't already wanted to run away all morning, it keeps getting worse.

"Pen said you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, please sit" He says, gesturing to the chair

"Are you okay, Y/N? - You were late this morning, we've worked together for many years now and you've never once ran late, it's not like you not to communicate" You can see on his face that he cares, he didn't bring you in here to give you a lecture over something small, especially since this is your first time ever running late.

"Y-yes, I just woke up late and then getting to my car, I realized I had a flat, so I had to ask my neighbor to use his pump to fill it" You lied straight through your pearly white teeth and you were confident that he knew it to, just by the look he was giving you

He stares at you for a moment, trying to read you for anything. You were thankful for the fact that sometimes you were an impossible person to read

"Please, just communicate next time- It's not a big deal you were late, we just didn't know what was going on until I had Garcia get a hold of you"

"I will, you have my word- Am I good to go now?" You ask while standing up, yes, the talk went better than expected but you still wanted out of this office as fast as possible.

"Yes, thank you for coming to talk to me. Oh, also before I forget to mention it, at some point today whenever we both have free time, I would like to have a conversation. If it's just at the end of the day that's fine. It just needs to happen"

All you can bring yourself to do is nod your head and walk out of the room, based on the ass end of the phone call you walked in on- You have a pretty good hunch what he will be saying to you, especially after what Garcia also let you in on

It makes your heart ache- knowing that he could have a girlfriend, knowing this thing that the two of you had will be coming to an end, by no means were you and Spencer in a committed relationship but you would be lying to yourself, if you said you hadn't gained feelings for him and actually wanted more than just a 'fuck buddy' outcome

"So, is he up in the office? I really need to see him" Tara asks while already walking up there and away from you before you can even give her an answer.

You know for a fact that you are not going to be able to focus on work at all today even if you try your hardest, your anxiety is skyrocketing through the roof waiting for this conversation with Spencer and still, wondering when and how you are going to spill the beans about carrying his growing child.

"Alright, what is your issue? Are you pregnant?" Alvez is like a brother to you, nothing has been off limits in the talking department but this just sent you for a whole loop with how bluntly he asked.

You were confident that if it were possible, your eyes would've popped right out of their sockets and into your lap.

"Alvez, I am not discussing this with you right now" you whisper yelled to him, you didn't mean to come off like a bitch at all but god only knows who could've heard him.

"Well, Y/N, If I am being entirely honest. Penelope lets some things slip from time to time" He states like it's the most obvious thing ever.

All you can seem to do is look at him like a dear in the headlights, you feel your skin getting hot and prickly, it feels like there are someones hands around your throat squeezing harder and harder by the second.

"I have to go, I need to go home, I need air" It all comes out in a panic, you get up from your desk and bolt out of the bullpen and down the stairs, you don't even care to take the elevator. You cannot be stuck in a tight spot right now, a tight spot like an elevator.

"Please, just communicate" - "I will, you have my word" the conversation in Spencer's office goes through your mind and you know that you have to communicate with him that you just left work for the day and you don't plan to come back today, atleast- you couldn't and thankfully, it was Friday.

to: Spencer 'The Genius' Reid

'I have to excuse myself for the day, I'm sorry that I am having to send you a text message about this rather than coming to your office- this is me communicating with you. I will return back to my work duties on Monday, unless of course, a case pops up over the weekend then I will be here'

'also, I know we need to have a conversation, I also have something I need to tell you- let me know when you would like this conversation to take place' -

After sending your texts to Spencer, you set your phone on DND because at this point, you don't want to deal with anything or anyone else today, emergency or not.

Driving home was an entire blur, I mean you made it home alive, so that's what matters, I guess.

Walking inside, you plop onto the couch and turn on your favorite comfort show.. Modern Family.

A few hours later, you wake up in the exact place you laid down at- you thought your couch was so comfy until now when your entire body is in pain.. well, maybe it was your horrible sleeping position.

5:13 P.M -

"sweet baby jesus on a motorbike" You mutter to yourself after looking at the clock

"what are you doing to me?" You ask while poking your non-existent baby bump, granted it was a great sleep so you weren't trying to complain- you had heard from JJ in the past that early pregnancy is exhausting and you will sleep.. ALOT.

**BACK AT THE BAU**

"I just practically asked her if it was true but maybe in a more blunt way, it wasn't meant to come out so.. blunt" Alvez explains to Penelope who apparently watched you sprint out of work.

"I specifically told you not to say anything to her about it, I didn't even mean to let it slip to you of all people, Luke. I don't even think that they were in a relationship which makes this so much more difficult for her, as I could imagine" Pen snaps back at Luke.

"It's not going past me, I'm not opening my mouth to anyone about it" Luke says while walking to the Elevator with Pen, finally the work day was over

"Yeah, you let it slip to someone or who knows, I accidentally do again and Spencer is going to find out which right now, that doesn't need to happen" Pen states while being wildly unaware of who just came up behind them

"What doesn't Spencer need to find out right now and why can't he find out right now?" He asks from directly behind Alvez and Garcia, looking between the two of them for a answer.

Luke and Penelope both seem to jump straight out of their skin, not expecting to be crept up on- in reality, it was not Spencer's plan to creep up on them, he just happened to be leaving at the exact time as them and they didn't hear him coming up in the middle of their 'supposed to be' private conversation that was happening out in the open.

"I- uh it's nothing, well, sir, it's nothing in regards to me, i'm fine- it's not my place to tell you, it wasn't my place to tell, Luke- it just slipped and I am blabbering and I just realized that I need to get home" Before Spencer or Luke could say anything to her or anything more to Spencer, she's in the elevator with the doors closing.

'Nice Penelope, real nice' Luke thinks to himself, feeling a bit annoyed and slightly scared

Turning to look behind him, he sees Spencer's eyes boring right into him like he's staring right into Luke's soul, just waiting and searching for answers.

"Is there anything that you know, Alvez?" Spencer finally breaks the silence, otherwise who knows how long the two of them would've stayed standing there in the awkward paralyzing silence.

"I just know Y/N had to leave early today because, well I don't know why but I just know she left- you're her boss too, she should've communicated with you, right?"

"Right, Luke and she did, I have been trying to text and call her since I received her messages and nothing is going through" Reid is quick to bite back, getting quite annoyed himself being left in the dark and now that he is adding the pieces together, he's assuming these secretive things that "he isn't allowed to know about currently" are about you.

"I don't have any other information, what I told you is all I know- but I do need to get home to Roxy" Luke matter-of-factly states even though Luke knows that Luke is lying, well- not about Roxy but about the first part.

"Mhm, alright. Have a good night, Luke" Spencer gave up on trying to get any information out of the turnips that don't bleed but he is confident when he says this is about you and he will get to the bottom of it.

Back at your apartment, you've finally relaxed after a nice hot shower and ordering from your favorite chinese food joint and yes, still watching your comfort show but this time from the comfort of your own bed.

You still haven't even taken your phone off of DND mode, in your mind all you thought was 'if it is important enough, you know where I live and if you don't, contact Penelope Garcia' and the most important part, you were at peace.

You weren't worried about this pregnancy, you had accepted your fate, you weren't worried about Spencer or his new situ-relationship, you weren't even worried about what had happened with Alvez or Garcia. Peace.

"jesus Spencer, what the fuck" You yell out after walking out of the room and coming face to face with him, to say that you were startled was to say the absolute least

"Well, you would've known I was coming if someone didn't have their phone on airplane mode" He bit back with a darkness in his eyes and maybe a bit of worrisome, you couldn't tell everything with how dark it was.

"I know that I gave people a key to my house for emergencies but our conversation or how I was protecting my peace on a Friday night is not an emergency and frankly, if anyone was that worried, you would've sent someone sooner" You were once again fed up and wanted to continue to be alone with your favorite person, Phil Dunphy.

"I was going to drop our conversation until this weekend or even Monday, when we see each other in person again but funny enough, I was walking out to leave for the day when I walked into Luke's and Penelope's conversation and it was about you and something that I shouldn't be finding out about right now- would you happen to know anything about that?" Spencer replied, getting more and more fed up by the second.

If Spencer didn't know any better, he would say that you looked like you just saw a ghost- he was dead on the money about the conversation and some secret rooting back to you- now to just get it out of you.

Calming down after seeing the state you were rushing into, he comes to you with a softer approach - "Y/N, I want to help you. We've known each other for years, since I started working for the BAU, please let me know. Let me know what is going on. I'm not going anywhere"

You felt like you were about to up-chuck your chinese food all over this poor man, you know you need to tell him.

'Y/N you will never know the outcome of this unless you open your mouth and spill those words to him, be brave, be bold' You think silently to yourself.

"Spencer, I'm pregnant - You are the last person I slept with. I am pregnant with your baby"

if this is horrible, sue me - i haven't written in forever and honestly, this is a little bit longer than i thought it would be - whoops!

FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED

& yeah, yeah- i left this on a cliffhanger, if you beautiful humans actually like this, i had planned to make this a 2 parter story or who knows, if i make the next part longer then it could be 3 or more parts.

[alwaysthefool]

Fateful (x Sylus)

(This is Part 2 to Coincidence but you don’t really need to read that, you can read this standalone)

Tags: Angst to comfort to fluff, making up, MC reader, GN reader

Warnings: ask

Synopsis: After a fight with Sylus, you get injured and he tries to make it up to you.

Sylus was impatient, but also too proud to text you first. After all, you did not like him… right? He still thought about what could’ve gone wrong, his pensive expression not going unnoticed by his subordinates.

Luke and Kieran murmured something to each other, and confidently approached the sulking older man.

“Love trouble, boss?” Started Kieran, his twin continuing. “We can help with that.”

“Yeah, we’re rizz gods.”

“What the hell is that?” Sylus frowned, not completely averse to the idea of the twins advising him.

“It’s slang from the 20s!” Luke chimed.

“Please never use it again.” The boss sighed. Despite his coldness, he listened as the boys told him to play ‘hard-to-get’ and how you could’ve gotten creeped out by how forward he always was. That thought never even crossed Sylus’ mind.

Yet he pondered it over, the notion making sense, and decided not to text you for at least a week, drowning himself in work instead.

You, on the other hand, wanted him to text you, to tell you it was a misunderstanding, whisk you away to a pretty vacation spot, and pamper you for days. Alas, that only happened in movies, or with well established couples.

He’d probably do it for that someone else though… You thought, preparing for your third combat mission of the day. You really should not have been pushing yourself so hard, but you just wanted to get your mind off of it. Whatever, he’s just a guy. I’ll move on.

The warehouse you were supposed to investigate wasn’t too far from the N-109 zone, making your finger instinctively move to your phone to call Sylus before you stopped to realise what you were doing.

Right. No more Sylus.

You had the crow pin he gave you, but you left it at home, planning to have it returned to him somehow. Even Mephisto stopped visiting you, so you reckoned he didn’t want much to do with you.

There seemed to be some kind of meeting going on, not seeming very dangerous as it looked like only three people stood there, from what you could tell, at least, their silhouettes hardly visible. You rushed in without thinking, holding your gun up, only to realise it was three A level wanderers.

You shot at them, but it didn’t seem to affect them much as they lunged towards you. You dodged, hiding behind a large container. Before even thinking about using your watch to call for back-up, you called Sylus, knowing you were going to get hurt, knowing he might not pick up or care.

He planned not to pick up your calls, remembering the twins advice to play it cool, but his fingers jumped when he saw the ‘kitten’ contact name and beautiful face buzzing up his screen.

“Sweet-” He started, but paused hearing your laboured breaths.

“I… I’m sorry. I love you so much, S-”

Your voice cut off. He tried calling again, but your phone was switched off. Sylus wasted no time to send out a search party for you, tracing the location you were last active.

He almost broke down the warehouse door, screaming out your name. It was dark, cold, and reeking of fresh blood. His heart skipped a beat when he saw you lying there, injured, your phone and watch shattered, and your battle likely victorious seeing the protocores lying near you.

He scooped you up in his arms, shushing you as your eyes fluttered slightly open.

“Sleep, my beloved.” He whispered, kissing your forehead, feeling you hold him tighter as you went to a peaceful slumber.

You woke up next on Sylus’ large and warm bed, alone in his room. You recalled a dream where he called you his lover, feeling pathetic. You tried to get off the bed, the injuries from fighting and falling making you squirm.

Sylus walked in the room immediately, an unreadable expression on his face.

“I don’t need your pity.” You looked at him with resentment, your eyes hiding your unspoken words.

Why did I see you with someone else? Why didn’t you stop me when I left?

“Hm?” He slowly prowled inside to sit on the chair beside the bed. Had he previously been watching you on it? A silent Mephisto was also perched in his usual spot, his systems down. You reckoned something might have happened to it which is why it wasn’t watching you. “Weren’t you the one who called me, professing your love?”

You cringed at the memory. “I only said that so you’d save my life. I don’t…” you couldn’t finish your words, looking away instead.

Sylus was next to you in a second, pinning you back on the bed to rest. He wasn’t rough this time, but his expressions were terrifying. He hovered over you, like the time you tried to steal the crow brooch from him. His hands were beside you so as to not put pressure on your injured body.

“Don’t. Lie.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from coming out at that moment. He did not reciprocate it but he wanted your confession anyway. You pushed him off, crying into the pillow, but he pulled you into his strong chest instead, stroking your hair.

“You’re cruel, Sylus. You’re so cruel.” You sobbed shamelessly, but he kept holding you. “You were with someone else, but you manipulated me into liking you anyway. Why-”

“What?!” Sylus exclaimed incredulously. “My beloved, what in the world are you talking about?” He pulled slightly away to look at your angry and teary eyed red face, resembling that of a neglected kitten. But it wasn’t the time to joke about that. He had to clear it up with you first.

“That woman from the last time I visited you.”

“That was-” the cogs in his head turned, clearing up what went wrong between the two of you. He sighed, then smiled down at you. “That was a designer who came to deliver something I got made for you.”

Oh. That did make more sense. You turned away, embarrassed. “And you did not try to come after me.”

Sylus wrapped an arm around you, resisting the urge to pull you into a tight hug considering your injuries. “I thought you were weirded out by me so I was trying to play hard-to-get.”

“Never try that again.” You grumbled. “I like it when you’re pro-active.”

Sylus chuckled, leaning his head forward to place a kiss on your cheek, making you inch just a little closer.

“Then you’ll love how I’m going to make it up to you.”

-x-

Sorry for being late!!

[katsukistofu]

my caffeine mix-up! pt. ii

contents ౨ৎ ⋆ hawks x fem reader. fluff. slightly suggestive. you accidentally pick up the number two hero’s coffee so picks you up instead. | part i

note: fukuoka is the canon location of hawks hero agency

You stare at the text for what embarrassingly feels like at least the tenth time this hour.

pick you up at 8 ;)

Was sent mere moments ago from the contact Hawks, that had several hearts next to his name that you don’t remember him putting, saved in your phone after he dropped you off at work this morning.

Nearly giving your coworkers who just so happened to be looking out the windows at the time synchronized heart attacks in their cubicles, which would’ve been very hard to explain to your boss.

Who, thank All Might, was not here today.

But the millisecond you walked out of the elevator onto your floor, their nosy natures quickly won over their states of disbelief.

Desperate for the juicy details, nothing could stop them from swarming you like a group of hungry piranhas, and you’re flooded with a sea of questions you’re simply at a loss for how to answer.

“How did you meet him?” “So when’s the wedding?” “Were you rescued in a villain attack that wasn’t on the news yet?” “Oh my god, did you two—?”

“Guys!” You cut them off with a frantic wave of your hands, you did not need to hear the end of that sentence. “We just happened to meet. I, uh.”

Your coworkers look at you with expectant eyes, eagerly waiting to hear your no doubt heart-racing meet-cute story with the hero so popular, that when the paparazzi got a picture of him sipping kombucha tea, the drink went out of stock in stores nationwide faster than you could even say its name.

“I accidentally took his coffee order.”

You cringe a bit as you finish, and you’re met with the most comically shocked faces you’ve ever seen in your entire life.

“You WHAT!?”

“Damn I literally just tweeted ‘my coworker stole Hawks’s coffee’ and it already has a hundred reposts.”

“Oh honey, you’re lucky our boss is out sick today. He’d fire you for that.”

“Yeah, Hawks is his all-time favorite on the charts since All Might.”

You groan. “I know! He was so nice about it too, I still feel bad.”

“You should be.”

All your coworkers simultaneously glare at your company’s front desk receptionist that somehow snuck up to your floor, who for some reason takes that as a signal to continue.

“I could never be illiterate enough to take his order if I was in that coffee shop.”

“No one cares, Janet,” everyone says in deadpanned unison.

Janet huffs and turns to leave, but not before pointedly throwing another withering look at you.

She never did like you ever since you politely corrected her grammar in that passive aggressive email she sent when you were a new hire.

Not illiterate your ass.

Throughout the day, you answer more emails, calls, and print papers in a daze.

When you go to forward an email, all you can think about is how his strong arms felt on your waist. When you go retrieve ink to refill the printer, all you can think about is his gentle yet firm grip that he had on your thighs.

This could not be healthy.

But what if it was? You’ve never been touched so intimately, so softly before, like you were something precious, even in your fleeting experiences with relationships.

No one’s made you feel this safe like he does from just being in their presence.

But you blame that on him being a hero. He was probably trained on how to calm civilians down, especially during rescues.

You don’t really think that applied to people who stole his coffee, but maybe that was just you trying to feel special.

With a shake of your head, you straighten yourself in your chair. You had to get it together.

No more thoughts of Hawks on company time until it’s time to clock out!

But it seems like the winged flirt had other plans.

hawks ♡♡♡ [12:00]

hey

[sent an image]

hawks ♡♡♡ [12:01]

saw a pretty flower on

someone’s roof and it

reminded me of you :)

You freeze when you see the notification pop up, mid-bite through the food that you picked up from your favorite aesthetically pleasing cafe for lunch.

With a mouthful of sandwich, you click on the message to text back, when suddenly the realization hits you.

You had no idea what to wear for the date.

Oh my god, what were you even supposed to wear? Was there some kind of etiquette for this?

I mean, it’s not like he’s taking you to the Hero Gala. It’s just a higher end homey sushi and ramen place, but still.

Pinterest probably didn’t have “cute date outfit ideas for going out with the freaking number two hero” in their search results.

In your mind, you nervously run through different casual but still elegant clothes to wear. Maybe that nice blouse you had been saving, the one with the ruffles on the sleeves? You bite the inside of your cheek. No, maybe your classy sleeveless turtleneck midi dress instead?

Ugh, but you’ve already worn it out too many times last month. Not to mention the current ninety degree weather would cook you alive in that.

You pray that the paparazzi wouldn’t dare to stalk you on your date, but imagine if they did and took a picture of you two?

Caption: Hawks takes girl that never wears anything else out on date.

Even worse, caption: Hawks seen taking girl that can’t dress if her life depended on it out on date.

Nope, not on your watch.

The further you brainstormed, the more each piece of your wardrobe seemed less and less fitting to wear for such an occasion.

An idea pops into your head.

What was Hawks’s favorite color? You could base an outfit off of that instead.

Thinking about it, it was probably red. Hell, if you had pretty crimson wings like him you’d forget every other color in the rainbow.

Should you text him and ask?

After a little mental wrestling yourself, you muster up all the courage you could possibly have on a Monday afternoon.

[12:20]

you

that’s so cute :((((

thank you <3

you

also random but what’s

your favorite color?

hawks ♡♡♡

ooh we playing twenty questions? ;)

you

lol i guess we are ;)

hawks ♡♡♡

hmmm ok then

hawks ♡♡♡

my favorite colors

probablyyy red

you

i knew it

hawks ♡♡♡

oh?

hawks ♡♡♡

been thinking about me

have you, pretty girl?

you

……..maybe

hawks ♡♡♡

you’re so cute when

you get all shy

Your cheeks warm at that, and you physically have to put down your phone for a moment to cool off.

[12:34]

hawks ♡♡♡

my turn

hawks ♡♡♡

whatcha having for lunch?

you

[sent an image]

sandwich :)

hawks ♡♡♡

ooh that looks yummy

you

it is!!!!

you

it’s from the cafe across

the one where i nabbed

your coffee lol

hawks ♡♡♡

ah when fate brought

us together by my overly

sweet latte

hawks ♡♡♡

i’ll make sure to stop by

it after patrol tomorrow :)

you

yay!!! lmk what you think

i want a full review

hawks ♡♡♡

yes ma’am (︶▽︶)7

you

what are you having for lunch?

hawks ♡♡♡

[sent an image]

just chicken lol

Of course he was. It did look good. The fried edges were perfectly crispy, and it was a nice golden brown color and—

hawks ♡♡♡

but i wish it was you instead ;)

you

!!!!!?1!?)$1&1$@-

hawks ♡♡♡

aw, you embarassed right now?

you

YESOHMYHOF???

you

YOU CANR JUST

SAY THAT

hawks ♡♡♡

whyyy nottt

hawks ♡♡♡

it’s true though! :(

you

oh my god i’m going to die

you

and this sandwich is

going to be my last meal

hawks ♡♡♡

noo don’t die

you

i will

hawks ♡♡♡

id miss you :(

you

then know that it

was all YOUR fault.

hawks ♡♡♡

pffft you're so cute

hawks ♡♡♡

wish i could see your

flustered face right now

you

STOP

you

i think i'm going to

have to block you

you

this isn’t good for my heart

hawks ♡♡♡

D:

hawks ♡♡♡

noooooooo!!!!!!

come backkkk!!

You had to bite back a fond giggle, feeling warm all over. How was it fair for him to be this cute over text and in person?

hawks ♡♡♡

okok but before you block me

which i don’t think you will

hawks ♡♡♡

send me your address so

i know where to pick up the

most beautiful girl alive <3

you

oh u smooth ass mf

hawks ♡♡♡

for you? always

you

UGHHH

fine here it is

you

123-4567 fukuoka, tenjin,

chuo ward, 8-91

hawks ♡♡♡

perfect

see you soon birdie ;)

After an eventful day at work, you’re turned around, glancing at your back in the mirror.

Even though the scarlet dress that falls just below your knees hugs your figure in all the right places, you still feel a little self-conscious in it.

You honestly haven’t touched it since you bought it at the mall with a friend, who insisted that red was your color even when you had wrinkled your nose.

But as you admire the smooth, soft fabric of it now, you can’t help but be reminded of a certain someone’s beautiful wings.

You think you were really starting to warm up to the color.

A spritz of your favorite perfume and slight touch up of your makeup later, you hear a knock on the door to your balcony.

That must be him!

You excitedly unlock the sliding glass, and you’re finally greeted with the sight of Hawks’s signature grin that you missed all day.

“Hey, pretty girl.”

“Hi,” you say back, a bit breathlessly.

As if you were the one who flew all across the city just to see him.

He takes the moment to look you up and down, not in a hungry, lustful way like you’re used to when you’re around other men, even when you’re not exposing much skin.

Hawks admires you.

Like you’re a statue of a goddess, made of the most pristine marble. Like you’re a beautiful cherry blossom tree at peak bloom, with the wind serenading your soft pink petals.

Like you’re something so divinely beautiful and enchanting, you deserve to be revered.

“Wow.” Hawks opens his mouth, but no other sound comes out. The bouquet he’s hiding behind his back for you goes limp in his hand.

For a man who never runs out of words to say, he’s been rendered speechless.

There’s a tingle of anxiety at your neck and you’re suddenly a little nervous. “How—How do I look?”

Hawks takes a deep breath, and finally speaks.

“You look absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous.”

Hawks’s lips curve upwards softly when you visibly melt, his touch sweeter than the caramel of his eyes as a hand tips your chin up to meet his warm gaze that the summer heat had nothing on. 

“And that’s the least interesting about you.”

─────────

“This is really good.”

Is what you ultimately decide when you’re on the fourth piece of the unagi roll you ordered.

Hawks grins, you looked cute with your cheeks puffed up like that. “Isn’t it? I knew you’d like it.”

You nod while covering your mouth, chewing slowly to savor the delectable taste of the sushi. “I’m literally going to gatekeep this place so hard.”

“Good.” He reaches across the table for your hand with an amused laugh. “It can just be our little spot, then.”

You softly smile back at him.

“Our little spot.”

At that moment, the waiter comes over with Hawks’s shoyu ramen. “Enjoy!”

“Thanks!” Hawks beams at him, then turns his attention to the bowl in front of him.

Then a slight frown appears on his face.

You tilt your head. “What’s wrong?”

His worried eyes meet yours.

“You sure just sushi is enough? You can always order something else, it’s on me.”

“Oh no it’s okay!” You wave a hand. “I’m not really that hungry—“

“I don’t believe you.” A hint of a teasing smile plays on his lips. “Could hear your tummy growling a bit earlier.”

“You heard that?” You whine. How embarrassing.

“All the more reason to share my ramen with me.”

Your eyes widen. “You want me to?”

“I do.” Hawks stubbornly says, picking up his chopsticks to grab noodles with them. He holds them up to your lips, a growing smirk on his handsome face.

“Say ahhh.”

Throwing a quick glance around the restaurant, your cheeks flame. “Hawks!”

“What?” He’s still wearing that casual, shit-eating grin. “It’s just us and a few other people here, c’mon.”

You huff. “I can feed myself!”

“I know you can, birdie.” Hawks holds your gaze with piercing but warm eyes. “But I want to do it.”

You fiddle with your own chopsticks, looking at anything but his eyes.

“Please? Let me take care of you.”

Finally, you cave at his pleading expression.

“Okay.”

He feeds you, and you’re not still not sure why he’s so happy to do so, but you let him.

The owner of the sushi and ramen place laughs as he looks over at the booth you two had occupied a few hours before closing.

As always, there’s a generously heavy tip left on the table and this time a new, small note.

thank you, boss :> we’ll be back!! - h

─────────

It’s summer, again.

Keigo flies you back home in his arms after his patrol and your nine to five, and as you touch down on your balcony, the sky is starting to turn a brilliant gradient of orange, pink and purple as the sun begins to dip below the horizon.

His eyes are lidded as he pulls you closer to him by the waist on the couch.

“You like when I’m this close to you?”

In the privacy of your apartment with the only sound being the breeze from your air conditioning and the faint chirping of crickets outside, it’s like the both of you are in your own little world.

“Yeah.” You sound muffled while hiding your burning face in his chest. “You still make me nervous.”

“I make you nervous?” His low voice is lilting as he tilts his head, and pulls you even closer to him with a firm hand now on the small of your back.

Keigo smirks, drinking up the sound of your little gasp. “I’m gonna take that as a yes, little dove.”

You blink dreamily, disorientated by his warmth seeping through his sleeveless turtleneck and the feeling of his firm chest against yours. He was so cozy. “Dove?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause they symbolize peace, and you’re my safe place.” Keigo’s eyes soften at the way you snuggle into him in response. He was yours too, your comfort person. “You’re perfect, you know that?”

“Mmm.” You’re resting your head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. “Tell me again.”

“As many times as you want.” He leans down to whisper in your ear.

“You’re perfect.”

You let out a laugh, his breath was tickling your ear. “Kei, why’s your heart beating so fast when you say that?”

“Mm.” He offers you a sly smile, hand tracing circles on the small of your back as you lay on top of him.

“Guess you just do something to me when we’re together, birdie.”

Your eyes start to feel heavy, and you hug him even tighter at that.

“I’m so glad I stole your shitty excuse of a coffee that day.”

And it’s when he laughs from deep within his chest that you know he is too.

— Courtship feeding is believed to function as ceremonial pair bonding. The male bird usually feeds their female mate, and the resulting nutritional boost contributes to more and healthier offspring.

[cheolslz]

maybe getting mad at your boyfriends over something petty wasn't the best idea.

pairing; 95line x fem!reader

genre; smut (minors dni)

w/c; 2.1k

a/n - based on this request. this is not proofread at all so ignore if any grammatical errors 😔 it's my first full fic so I'll appreciate any and every feedback!

smut warnings under the cut!

warnings; mentions of a creep at a club, poly, established relationship, dom!95line x sub! reader, degradation, petnames (babe, love, princess, cockslut), unprotected sex (don't do this), oral (m. receiving), double penetration, anal, creampie, slight chocking, fluff at the end. lmk if I missed anything!

It's 8pm. You haven't checked your phone all day. you were supposed to be off work 2 hours ago but your boss decided today would be the perfect day to ask you to do their monthly statistics compilation. 

As you make your way upstairs the tiredness of the long workday finally kicks in. you sigh when you reach the door, wanting nothing more than to be in the comfort of your own home and your three boyfriends.

Hard days like this were guaranteed with a high profile job but you knew no matter what happens you’d always come home to the loves of your life.

As you open the door, the smell of your apartment fills your heart with a fuzzy warmth. You walk in and close the door behind you and it slowly hits you.

It's quiet.

Now living with 3 other people, there was always some form of noise in the house. Whether it be Jeonghan's tv show marathons, Joshua's guitar or Seungcheol listening to music, there was always some sound to fill the empty feeling in your ear.

A look around you can see that no one was at home. At first you assume Seungcheol was finally able to convince Jeonghan and Joshua to join the gym with him. You open your phone to see if any of them texted you their whereabouts.

[5:27]

Seungcheol : babe when are you off work?

Seungcheol : we were thinking of going to a movie 

Seungcheol : i know you said you weren't interested in this genre but we really want to watch it

Seungcheol : text us when ur done?

[6:07]

Jeonghan : babeee the movie is at 6:30 you’re supposed to be off work by now where are youuuu

[6:24]

Joshua : hey we’re at the movie okay?

Joshua : we came without you because you said you last week that you weren’t that interested in this

Joshua : we’ll see you in 3 hours <3

Oh. They went to see a movie. Without you.

They’re not wrong, you did say war centric and movies more than 2 hours weren’t your thing but, they could’ve waited right? It's not like it's only going to play at the theatre once. They could’ve easily waited for you and asked?

You're not the type of person to get mad about things like this. Usually you'd brush it off and move on but maybe it's the mixed frustration of work and your boss that you decide to make a phone call

“Hey are you free clubbing tonight?”

So, this was a really bad idea. It's 9pm, you're at a shady club and your friend ditched you to go hook up with someone. When you initially called chan he was constantly reassuring you that he’ll be with you all night because you need it.

His bad jokes and humour for a second did make you feel better but the minute you guys entered the club and he laid his eyes on this girl, it was game over.

You can't blame him, she was pretty as hell. If he wasn't rushing to get alone with her you would’ve asked her where her eyeshadow was from. Now you're alone at the bar, staring at the drink in your hand. Your phone keeps lighting up with notifications but you don't respond.

[8:50]

Seungcheol : babe where are you?

Seungcheol : we left early because the movie was boring you were right

Seungcheol : please respond to us

Seungcheol : i know you're mad at us im sorry

[2 missed calls from Seungcheol]

[1 missed call from Jeonghan]

[3 missed calls from Joshua]

[1 missed call from Seungcheol]

You feel bad. You should respond, you should let them know you’re safe but for this once you feel like proving something to them. What exactly are you proving? Well, you haven't really figured that out yet.

You're staring at your phone when a voice interrupts your thoughts

“Hey, what's someone like you doing here alone?”

You look at your side to see a tall man in all black. He has short bleached hair and a pretty face. You laugh off his comment, not wanting to interact with anyone right now.

“Im mark, i couldn't help but notice how pretty you are” he smiles and extends his hand which you accept with a smile. 

A few minutes of talking later, you start getting uncomfortable. Mark keeps trying to get you to leave with him even though you stated you had a boyfriend. He shrugs it off, his hand sliding to your waist and talking to you about how that doesn't matter.

You laugh nervously and excuse yourself to the bathroom, clutching your phone in your hands. You call the first person who shows up and he picks up in half a ring

“y/n? love where are you we’re worried sick”

“Seungcheol…im at levels bar please come pick me up there's someone making me uncomfortable”

You hear some shuffling in the background and Seungcheol reassures you that they're on their way. 

About 20 minutes later you get a text from Joshua saying they're outside. You have to convince them not to come into the club, not wanting the situation to escalate or get worse. You successfully sneak out of the club, thanking your luck that Mark was now occupied with some other girl.

As you spot your boyfriends, you see relief wash over them. They bombard you with questions and when you confirm you’re okay, they help you in the car and drive back. 

The air in the car is a little tense, no one clearly wants to bring up the topic of why you were at a club alone. Seungcheol had a rule you all followed - if there was something to talk about, you’d do it at home.

Once the car is parked, the four of you silently walk to your door. Jeonghan opens the door and lets all of you in. you take off your shoes and go sit on the couch, preparing yourself for whatever they’d ask you.

“Well? You want us to start?”

“I'm sorry” you say immediately, looking at the floor beneath you. You hear someone walking towards you.

A soft hand trails your face and lifts your chin to look up. Seungcheol has a small smile playing on his lips when he asks “what are you sorry for?”

“For getting mad at you guys and going to the club. I should've just told you i was mad at you” Seungcheol gives you a satisfied grin, his hand still forcing you to look at them standing over you

“We were worried sick, you know? You really almost gave us a heart attack” Joshua sighs looking at you. You give him a sad smile

“I'll make it up to you” you say and Jeonghan laughs loud, his voice echoing through the room

“Trust me you will” he says and walks over to you, his hands cupping your cheeks as he smashes his lips onto yours. He makes you lean back on the couch as he hovers over you, his lips moving in sync with yours as his tongue explores your mouth.

you feel the couch sink beside you and before you can see who it is, Joshua pulls you onto his lap, His firm body pressed on your back. You whimper as you feel his cock straining against his pants on your lower back. 

It doesn't take long before they’ve helped you out of your clothes and all four of you are naked. Jeonghan goes to the bedroom to grab a bottle of lube.

You turn your face to kiss Joshua, slowly grinding your ass on his cock as Seungcheol sucks on your neck. His hands fondle your breasts, squeezing the pinching your nipple to hear those oh so sweet sounds you make. your moans muffled by Joshua's mouth.

You moan into Joshua's mouth as you feel Seungcheol trail his kisses down to your breasts and suck on them. 

Jeonghan walks back in and tosses the bottle to Joshua. Joshua pours some on his fingers and circles your rim

“Gonna take me properly love?” Joshua whispers in your ear and you nod, unable to form coherent sentences. Joshua slowly aligns his cock with your rim and pushes in. The stretch hurts at first but the pain fuzes into a cloud of pleasure for you.

As Joshua slowly lowers you on him, Seungcheol aligns himself with your cunt. Unlike Joshua, Seungcheol isn't soft in the bedroom.

He knows exactly how to push you far enough for it to feel best, so he waits until you're fully lowered on Joshua's lap and he slams his entire length inside you. 

His tip his your cervix perfectly, knocking the wind out of your lungs. 

“F-fuck.. So..fu-full” you moan out.

You take a moment to regain your breath, back arched on Joshua as groans in your ear. 

Jeonghan, clearly feeling a bit left out, tangles his hands in your hair and pulls your face off of Joshua's neck. He slaps his cock against your cheek and lips as he smiles down at you

“Open up” he commands.

As you open your mouth and suck Jeonghan's tip, Seungcheol takes the initiative to move. He slowly drags his cock out and thrusts his full length into you again making you moan on Jeonghan. The movement makes Joshua hit deeper in you. 

Both of them start moving inside you. Seungcheol and him have a mismatched pace making you see stars as you suck Jeonghan harder. 

Jeonghan holds the back of your neck and thrusts into your mouth, making you take him deeper as tears well in your eyes. He throws his head back and fucks your mouth.

The room is filled with groaning and skin slapping as Jeonghan hits the back of your throat with each move.

“Such a pretty fucking cockslut. You like us filling you up like this huh?” Seungcheol grunts and moves his hips faster. You try to respond but the cloud of lust fills your mind as you feel yourself reaching your edge.

Joshua, the ever observant slides his hand down to your clit and slowly rubs his thumb against it. The sensation makes you moan against Jeonghans cock, the vibrations making him moan your name. 

After a few more thrusts you feel his movements stutter as he fucks your face. 

“Want me to cum in your mouth princess?” he groans as you slip him out of your mouth to answer

“P-please Jeonghan..ne-need it”

 Your pretty face begging for him is all he needs before he cums in your throat with a final thrust, painting it white. He pulls out and watches you swallow with a satisfied grin before collapsing on the couch next to Joshua.

The other 2 are not too far behind to follow, their movements becoming more erratic as they reach their highs. Joshua cums with a loud groan and throws his head back on the couch.

His hands keep moving on your clit as he comes down his high, his breathing heavy and inconsistent. 

“Gonna fill you up so well you wont even fucking think about pullling this shit again” Seungcheol curses and his hand wraps around your neck. The slight cut in air with the stimulation on your clit makes you fall off the edge as you cum on Seungcheol’s cock, his orgasm following yours.

Your releases mix together inside you as he rides out his high. You lay back on Joshua as he and Seungcheol slowly pull out. The emptiness and the feeling of their cum spilling out of you makes you whimper. Your thighs sticky with your mixed releases.

You slowly feel yourself coming down from that cloud as Joshua pats your shoulder

“You okay? Did we go too hard on you love?” he asks with slight concern in his voice but you shake your head no. They could never hurt you. 

The three of them help you get up and take a shower, laying out clean warm clothes for you and helping you lay on the bed. Jeonghan lays down next to you and pulls you into a warm hug. 

“Don't do that again okay? You really had us worried” he whispers in your hair.

“Im sorry, i shouldn't have disappeared over something so small”

you say quietly but the 3 of them hear it, they always do. 

Seungcheol presses a kiss to your forehead as Joshua rubs your back.

“We love you, don't forget that okay?”

[nadvs]

the act of unravelling (part five) (end)

pairing rafe cameron x pogue! female reader

rating mature 18+

summary you never expected you’d get tangled up with a kook, least of all, rafe cameron. one night, you make a life-altering decision to get revenge on someone you both despise. after you vow to keep what happened a secret, your relationship begins to twist into something more.

tags very dark! violence, homicide, drug and alcohol use, parental neglect, mental illness, s/a, trauma. no smut.

< prev

Rafe knocks again. And again. And again.

Your front door rattles in its frame, his knuckles still sore from the punches he threw at the bonfire last night.

He sat in the holding cell after being questioned by Brading, ruminating over everything he’ll say to you when he sees you. He needs to tell you that you’re right; the detective is onto you both.

Brading brought up your name, asking about Porter, asking what Rafe had over you that would make you want to protect him.

He’s confident you’re both guilty, but he doesn’t have the evidence to prove it. He’d booked him on a drug charge, telling him they’d searched his bedroom and found enough coke to arrest him for more than just possession.

His questions had nothing to do with that.

He demanded Rafe tell him about Porter, trying to provoke him into a confession. As he sat in the small, dingy interrogation room, your words echoed in his head. I don’t think we should talk to him without a lawyer.

So, he didn’t. Brading gave up and threw him back into his cell. Rafe would’ve lost his temper if he didn’t have you to protect.

The lawyer came in with Ward early this morning. After Rafe told him about the arrest, the lawyer explained that Brading had abused his power by not providing Rafe with his right to make a phone call.

Rafe couldn’t make eye contact with his father as he was escorted into a courtroom for the bail hearing an hour later. The lawyer was well worth the money Rafe is sure his father is paying him. He was given a court date and granted bail, which Ward covered.

“I’m sorry I got mixed up in this, okay?” Rafe had muttered to his father in the car on their way home. “I’ll get clean. I’ll stop selling.”

“You should know better,” Ward sighed. “The cops showing up to our house like that… what are you thinking?”

“I’m not,” he said.

“And what was that… about that missing kid? You didn’t have anything to do with that, did you?”

His own father jumping to the worst conclusion, even though it’s true, pierced the wound Rafe has held in his heart since childhood. He’s nothing but a disappointment. A stain on the family name.

Now, he’s at your front door, and he’s been knocking for what feels like five straight minutes. Nobody’s answering. The house looks empty. The car is gone.

He checks his phone again to see it’s almost two in the afternoon. All his texts and calls to you have gone undelivered.

He can’t even entertain the thought that you’re doing it on purpose; he knows you’re loyal to him. He never thought he’d trust somebody the way he trusts you, but he does, and he would never expect you to turn on him.

He needs to find you.

He makes his way to the country club, figuring you must be at work. When he rushes to the restaurant, tapping the bartop, he impatiently asks where you are.

The bartender looks at Rafe with a look he can’t quite read.

“Who are you?” he asks.

“I’m her boyfriend,” Rafe says. It’s the first time he used that title, but it feels right for what he has with you. “Is she working today or not?”

“Oh… I…” The bartender uneasily looks around the room. “I shouldn’t be the one to... I don’t…”

“What?” Rafe snaps.

“Our boss told us this morning,” he responds, his expression pained. He leans closer, hesitating as he says, “She was in a car accident and she didn’t make it. I’m sorry, man. I wish I wasn’t the one to tell you.”

Rafe straightens, his body flooding with a sharp, harrowing chill.

“You…” He shakes his head. “You got something wrong. You don’t– you’re confused.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know her that well, but…” The bartender nervously shrugs. “Everyone liked her.”

Liked her. Liked. You’re not in the past tense. You’re here. You’re somewhere around here. The ringing in his ears grows louder. The man only shakes his head, frowning in sympathy.

“You’re confused,” Rafe repeats. “What did– who told you that?”

“My boss,” he tells him again.

Rafe erratically rushes out of the building, starting his car even though he doesn’t know where to go, and looks ahead with a blank stare as his chest heaves.

“No,” he mutters to himself, his voice strained. “No, this is– he’s fucking wrong. This is…”

There’s no way this is real.

He pulls his phone out to call you. Again, it doesn’t even ring. His phone beeps with the dropped call notification. He tries again. Nothing.

His limbs are shaking, eyes burning with tears. A mistake. It’s a mistake. He just needs to find another way to contact you.

He opens a social media app to message you there. Before he can type in the search bar, a smiling photo of you is at the top of his feed.

It’s a news article. Local woman dead after late night crash. The post caption reads: This is crazy. She was so young :( Rest in peace.

He taps to read the comments, reading worthless prayers and canned condolences as he keeps scrolling, every roll of his thumb making him sicker.

He finds the article. Saliva coats his tongue and he’s sure he’s about to throw up as he reads it.

The vehicle was traveling southbound… Ran off the roadway… Pronounced deceased on scene.

No. You were just with him last night, a living, breathing, beautiful girl telling him you care about him, your touch warm and soft and real.

Deceased. That cold, final word doesn’t describe you. It can’t.

He barely makes it in time to open his door and vomit on the concrete. When he slams his hands over his steering wheel, he does it until his palms throb in pain. He cries until his throat burns.

No. This can’t be real.

╰┈➤ three weeks later

The town you live in now is in a land-locked state with an even smaller population than Kildare. The agent in charge of your case gave you and your parents everything you needed to assume your new lives.

Your old one ended on a road back home, covered up with a story that you’d lost control of your friend’s car and died on impact.

You’re sitting in the therapist’s office, picking at a loose string on your shirt. The protection program placed you with a clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma recovery, but you worry you’ll never be able to rid yourself of the paralyzing pain that has sept into your heart.

You come here once a week. You’re supposed to be moving on, setting roots here, accepting your new identity.

But you haven’t and you can’t. You’re not allowed to contact anyone, but every day, more and more, you yearn to find a way to tell the people you love that you’re okay, to put them out of their grief and misery.

You wouldn’t dare take the risk, but you’re constantly checking on what you left on the island, searching news sites and social media for anything you can find through a faceless account.

Rafe’s arrest record is public. Sale and distribution of an illegal substance. You know now that Brading arrested him for coke that night. You’re sure he did it just to get Rafe in custody to be able to intimidate him into talking about Porter.

You know nothing else about him. He hasn’t posted anything since you left. His name only comes up on the law enforcement website, offering no further information on a trial or a sentencing.

When you look up your friends, seeing the photos and messages they posted in memoriam of you never gets easier. You left JJ and Pope and John B with the shock of seeing you in Rafe’s arms, then you left in JJ’s car, unknowingly racing towards your faked death.

The investigation on Porter has hit a dead end. The last article came out a week ago titled: Family seeks closure as disappearance of Porter Arnoult remains a mystery.

And the man who shot Brading, who made a full recovery, is still at large, meaning you’re still in danger.

“Come on in,” your therapist says gently, peeking out her office door.

You settle in the worn seat. You’ve told this woman everything but for the truth about the night that was the catalyst to the mess your life has become.

You promised Rafe you’d keep the secret to the grave. You meant it.

·········

The heaviest, sharpest ache sits in Rafe’s chest as he stands at your final resting place, as he reads your name in stone, a hyphen between two years that are much too close to each other.

There was no funeral. Word had gotten around that your parents were too distraught and left town shortly after the accident.

His head is pounding with his hangover, his body weak from the booze and coke he’s been pumping into it.

Stay out of trouble. That’s what his lawyer told him. But his court date is in a couple of days and he’s done everything but. This is the first time he’s come to your grave and he feels like a piece of shit for waiting so long, but he couldn’t do it.

He never deserved you. A piece of him knew, gnawed at him, that you’d realize he didn’t measure up. But he was ready to try, for once in his life, to be better.

And then, you were taken from him. And the idea of paying his respect to a girl who’s nothing but a memory now is not for your benefit. It’s for the grieving, and while he’s not worthy of that relief, he came to the cemetery in case he won’t get the chance again for a long time.

He’ll likely be going to prison soon. His lawyer said the best case scenario is a reduced sentence and a heavy fine.

Rafe’s numb to it. It’s why he’s been getting fucked up at parties, telling anyone who asks about you or him to shut up because he knows they don’t care. All he does is get wasted and open his wallet only to buy more shit to dull the pain.

You were a light in the clouds that always consumed him, and because you’d followed him after he’d gotten arrested, you died.

He’ll never forgive himself for the fact that caring for him is what killed you.

╰┈➤ one week later

It’s Rafe’s last night of freedom.

He was sentenced to 14 months. His life is fucked. All because he was an idiot who decided to sell coke.

Brading sat in the courtroom as the arresting officer, looking bitter, likely because his plan to get Rafe to crack about Porter’s case never worked.

His lawyer told him it was a win to get such a short sentence, as if living behind bars can ever be considered some sort of victory. He’s being locked up tomorrow, a nasty blotch on his record, a traumatic experience waiting for him.

He’s at a party on Figure Eight, dipped into a numbing high on a couch. Coke and booze coarse through his veins. He’s subconsciously been hoping that it’d kill him before he has to go to prison.

It’s been a month since you died. The hole in his chest only digs itself deeper, burying him alive. He ignores the people who pretend to care about him, remembering how they’d acted when rumors spread about him doing something to Porter.

He knows this will follow him forever, being suspected for Porter’s disappearance, being connected to you, the innocent girl who got involved with him then tragically passed away.

He doesn’t care what people think. He thought he was lethargic before. That was nothing.

He gets lost in the high, hearing the people and the music around him, catching flashes of phones in the crowd as people celebrate life while he wishes his would just end.

“What were you doing with her?”

Rafe’s vision blurs and refocuses until he can see who’s standing over him in the crowded living room. It’s Pope, his nostrils flared in anger.

JJ and John B stand close behind, disgusted looks on their faces.

“Fuck off,” Rafe slurs.

“What were you doing with her?” JJ shouts louder. A few heads turn at the noise.

Rafe’s jaw tenses in anger. His body is heavy, but he pushes himself off the couch, staring at your friends, knowing they have no fucking clue how badly he’s been suffering without you.

“She didn’t want to tell you,” Rafe mutters, “because she knew you assholes would make her feel bad about it.”

“She’s… she’s fucking dead because of you,” JJ says, his voice laced with tears. “She was on the road because of you.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Rafe yells. He swore on his life that you’d always be safe with him. He deserves to die.

He has nothing to lose. He shoves JJ down onto the floor, landing a single punch before he’s pulled back and struck in the jaw with a hard fist.

Rafe spits out blood, his neck at the crook of the couch, knowing no amount of physical pain could come close to matching how bad his heart hurts.

·········

When you see Rafe in the background of a Kook’s social media story, your breath hitches. He’s sprawled out on a couch, head tipped back, lips parted and eyes rolling.

You know it’s stupid. You know you’re putting yourself in danger by doing it. You’re not supposed to contact a soul from your past life.

But he looks near death in the video.

You go to Rafe’s account and start to type with trembling fingers. You’re using the burner account you made, a fake name with no photo, but you hope reminding him of something only you two would remember is enough.

It’s me. The girl you always gave a $50 to at the club. I’m okay. I had to go into hiding. I had no choice. Please take care of yourself and don’t tell anyone about me. I miss you.

You don’t see his reply until you wake up the next day. What kind of sick joke is this?

It’s not a joke, you respond. I used to tell you all the time not to call me a Pogue, remember? I know this is confusing. I wish it wasn’t like this. I’m sorry.

He doesn’t respond. You don’t blame him. He thinks it’s a twisted prank. But even though it was a stupid risk to take, you’re glad you tried. You just wish it worked.

A day later, you unsend your messages and delete your account just in case.

╰┈➤ sixteen months later

“It’s completely your choice,” the program agent continues, sitting in the living room of the home you still don’t consider home. “We set you and your family up for permanent placement, but the man you saw was captured with his associates and died in a shoot-out. We’re confident you’re no longer in danger. You can choose to stay here, or go back.”

You look at your parents with wide eyes, in utter disbelief. It’s been over a year. You all have jobs and friends and a foundation now, even though it’s built on lies.

But you’ve been aching to go home since the day you moved here. And you’re going back to the island, with or without your parents.

╰┈➤ three days later

The flight was painfully long. You came alone. Your parents didn’t feel the need to go back in time and come here. They don’t have the ties you do to home.

The fact that they could watch you leave was confirmation that all you shared with them was a last name. You always felt alone around them. You never had their love. Not really. It’s why you clung to your friends.

Kildare’s salty breeze is the same. Even the way the sun hits here feels unique. You keep the window of your rental car down as you drive through familiar streets.

You’d considered contacting your friends before finding them, but what happened with Rafe would likely happen with them. They’d think it was a cruel prank. They wouldn’t believe you.

It’s a sunny afternoon. You knock on JJ’s door. Your heart is in your throat. You’ve been discreetly keeping up with what your friends publicly post. It seems life here never changes much.

You crave the familiarity. The peace.

The door swings open. JJ stares at you like he’s seen a ghost. You expected as much.

“Hi,” your voice is thin, what you rehearsed coming out rushed. “I witnessed a crime and I was put into protection. They had to fake my death and put me somewhere safe. But I’m not in danger anymore. And they let me come back.”

He doesn’t have the words. You don’t blame him. He pulls you in and this is what you’ve been missing so agonizingly – feeling wanted.

He invites the guys over and after a tearful reunion and a long catch-up, you finally ask them about Rafe, terrified you’ll hear the worst, even though you’ve been keeping up with local news.

“He just got outta jail,” JJ says.

“For what?” you ask, worried he took the fall for what you did to Porter.

“Selling coke,” he says. “I think he got like, a year. I’m pretty sure his dad paid to get it scrubbed from the internet.”

“He kind of went crazy after you…” Pope trails off. “Crazier than usual. But since he got out, he’s not bothering us. He’s just quiet. He’s different now.”

You nod, desperate to go see him.

“What happened that night?” JJ asks. “Were you and him… like, a thing?”

“Yeah,” you say. “He’s… He wasn’t who we always thought he was. I was surprised, too. It happened really fast. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys.”

“That doesn’t matter anymore,” JJ says.

You give him a grateful smile, knowing it won’t take long at all to get used to this again, to being your old self with your old friends. You left, but your heart stayed here.

·········

Rafe’s sister is visibly in shock to see you when you show up at the Camerons’ doorstep later that afternoon. You tell her what happened, sure the gossip will spread before you even step foot off the property, and ask her where Rafe is.

She tells you he went out on the family’s boat. You thank her and head over to the marina.

·········

Rafe spent every day in prison thinking about those messages he got the night before he was put behind bars. The person behind the account knew things only you would.

It might have been a twisted joke or someone’s way of keeping him above water while he wished he could drown.

But nobody would care enough about him to do that. Only you.

He never saw a response after he replied, and fourteen months later, when he got his phone back, the messages and the account were gone.

It’s been nearly a year and a half since you left. Hope is a ridiculous thing. He doesn’t even consider it your death anymore. You left.

The only thing that kept him going through his monotonous, soul-draining time in prison was the nearly invisible shred of hope that it really was you who sent him those messages.

He wishes he could remember the account name. It was a random assortment of letters and numbers. Sometimes, he’s convinced he dreamed it, like his survival instinct kicked in and made him hallucinate the possibility that you didn’t actually die.

He gazes out at the deep blue water, white caps tumbling over the waves as the boat bobs with the tides.

After you, he missed the sea most.

You remember where his boat was parked. Every detail of that night is burned into your mind. Vowing to keep the secret in the beach house, dragging the body over the dock, planning your alibis on his boat.

There haven’t been any developments in the case. Porter’s body is still out there somewhere, your secret lying with him.

Your heart stops when you spot Rafe’s back as he pulls a rope on his parked boat. His hair is buzzed now, his back broader and his arms larger than you remember. You close the distance, almost falling off the dock when you approach his boat because you’re that awestruck.

You’ve dreamt of this moment. You weren’t sure it’d ever come.

He turns, wrapping the rope around the cleat of the boat, squinting under the sun. He breathes a quiet grunt as he tightens the rope, then stands and surveys it.

Something catches the corner of his eye. He looks up. And pure relief washes over his handsome face.

Rafe rushes towards you like you might disappear if he doesn’t reach you fast enough. He jumps off the edge and nearly knocks the wind out of you when he surrounds you in his heavy arms, squeezing you.

Tears prick your eyes, and suddenly, you’re sobbing. From disbelief. From relief. From love.

“I knew it,” he whispers shakily, nuzzled into your neck. “I knew it. I knew it. Fuck.”

Your eyes are shut as he holds you, both of you suspended, bobbing boats creaking around you, gulls crying in the sky.

He finds the strength to pull back, meeting your eyes. Those eyes. They never left his mind. He knew you were out there and he wondered what they were seeing every single day.

You gaze up at him, vision blurred from your tears. Safety. That’s what he feels like to you. Like nothing can hurt you.

“I missed you,” you say in a whisper, but the words can’t possibly represent how painful life has been, how much you’ve been worrying about him.

“Me, too,” he says, cupping your cheek like you might break, like you’re a dream that might slip away. “I can’t believe…”

You nod. You can’t believe much of what’s happening, either.

·········

You’re in Rafe’s arms until the sun goes down, sitting in the hull of his parked boat, not wanting to part for even a second to allow him to drive out into the water. You don’t need to go anywhere. You want to be rooted with him.

You sat here once before, in a past life of a past life, conspiring and coming up with a story to cover up the murder.

“I never forgot what you did when I got arrested,” Rafe says into your ear, your back flush against his chest, the sun an orange sliver on the horizon. “Yelling at that asshole not to hurt me.”

“It was horrible seeing him do that to you,” you murmur, remembering how hard Brading had pushed him against the car to handcuff him. “He eventually gave up, huh? I kept checking the news, but the case went cold?”

“Yeah. He left town,” Rafe tells you. “He had no evidence. We got rid of it all.”

You nod with a long sigh.

“How was it?” you ask.

You don’t have to say it. He knows you’re asking about prison.

“Knowing you were okay kept me through it,” he admits. You turn to meet his pained blue eyes.

“It’s all behind us now,” you say.

He presses his lips against yours, warm and tender and soft, dismissing the cold that’d been sitting in your soul since you were forced to leave.

Epilogue

You’ll always feel the void of the year and a half that you were gone deep in your heart. But as time goes by, it gets smaller and smaller.

You’d planned to stay with one of your friends while you found your footing to get your own place, but Rafe insisted he buy you a condo, saying it’d be the best use of his money.

He hadn’t expected to still have access to his family’s bank account, but his father seemed to see a difference in him after prison.

You see a change in him, too. You mention it to him sometimes, how his temper has completely faded away.

“Still like me, though?” he once asked, half-joking.

“I love you,” you told him. It was the first time you said the word and his heart felt like it was going to burst. He kissed you hard and told you he loved over and over.

Rafe comes over all the time, preparing meals together, making up for lost time.

One night, as he dozes off next to you in your bed, you realize you still don’t regret your crime and if you don’t by now, you never will.

Sometimes you wonder if you should be remorseful for taking a life. But that man was evil and the world is a better place without him. People die, but the past doesn’t, and while you may carry it with you forever, you wouldn’t take it back.

Your eyes slowly trail over Rafe’s face in the dim light, your heart pounding as you think about how you got here, two broken people who found each other on a terrifying night.

It’s all still so crystal clear in your mind. The blood on his face the night it happened. The way he held you when you told him what your real motive was. The tears in his eyes when he reunited with you.

You pull a blanket over him. He’s everything to you now. And like your love, your secret remains between you two, binding you together forever.

(the end)

[holylulusworld]

Stumblerella

Summary: You’re clumsy. Luckily, a hero moved in right next to you.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader

Warnings: clumsy reader, fluff

Square filled for @steverogersbingo: B1: Retired Steve

Your neighborhood was always a good place to live. People are friendly. No one is nosy, or loud. And, you can have a sunbath without some creep spying on you.

Today you decided to cut your roses. It’s too hot, and maybe too early, but you’re bored. Stuck at home because your boss forced you to take some time off, you didn’t find a better way to kill your free time.

“Miss,” a deep voice calls from across the street, “I’m not an expert, but you shouldn’t cut roses when it's so hot.”

“What?” You frown as a tall guy makes his way over the street to stand in front of your fence. “Hi, what did you say?” You ask.

“The roses,” he says and points at the chosen victims of your boredom. “You will ruin them if you cut them today. It’s too hot.”

“Oh.” While you sweat like a whore at a church, he seems to be unbothered by the heat. His smile widens as you stare at him. He looks familiar, but you’ve always been bad with faces. “Thank you, I guess.”

“You’re welcome, miss.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Steve. Maybe you saw that I moved in across the street.” Steve points over his shoulder at the house Mr. Stevenson left after his wife ran away with her yoga instructor.

“Sorry, I didn’t know someone bought the house,” you reply, ashamed you didn’t bring your new neighbor a gift.

Steve looks at your hand in his. “Will you give me your name too, or do you want me to give you a name?” He jokes.

“Y/N,” you are quick to answer. “Y/N Y/L/N. I live here.” You roll your eyes at your stupid reply. “Uh—if you need anything, just tell me.”

“That’s very kind of you,” he says and squeezes your hand. “You’re the first one not asking me to do something for them.”

“Why would I?” You cock a brow. “I don’t even know you, Steve. I wouldn’t dare ask you for help.”

He smiles and says, “Y/N, whenever you need help, you can ask me. I live just across the street.”

“Watch out!” Steve pushes you out of the way as your car rolls down the street. It’s not very fast but would’ve run you over either way. “Y/N!”

You slowly try to get back up, only to watch Steve stop your car with his body. He puts his hands on your vehicle and rams his feet into the ground.

“What the—?” you gasp audibly. He looks like a superhero at that moment. “What? How?” Your eyes widen as you finally remember where you’ve seen his face before.

“Y/N! Wait!” Steve is suddenly next to you. He snatches your bag with groceries out of your hands and flings them across the street.

For a moment, you’re too shocked to speak or react. Your bag is on fire and slowly turns into dust. Your marshmallows, grapes, and flour are gone, and you mourn their loss.

“How did you…never mind,” Steve laughs as you watch the paper bag burn. “I mean…do you have a lighter in there, or what happened?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “Things like that happen to me all the time. My car drives on its own. My heels break. The grocery bag is suddenly on fire.”

“Steve?” You knock at his door, calling Steve’s name. “I know it’s a little late, but I got something—” You shriek when Steve opens the door the moment you lean against it to press your ear to it.

“Y/N?” Steve watches the pie in your hands fly toward him. Steve catches your fall after dodging the pie in time. “Whoa, watch out. We don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Sorry…so sorry. The pie was for you,” you sniff as Steve helps you stand on steady feet again. “Now it’s ruined.”

“Doll, if you wanted me to save you, you could’ve just screamed my name,” Steve jokes as you’d love to hide from him. Embarrassed, you murmur an apology. “You’re a little clumsy, huh? Maybe you should stay close to me from now on.”

A retired hero is still a hero. Steve will make sure you're always safe from now on.

[miirohs]

cariño [c.s.z]

pairing: Mob Boss!Carlos Sainz x GN!Reader wc: 1.3k cw: blood, implied off screen violence an: i cannot write hurt/comfort, forgive me for this raw ahh fic... i actually did most of the spanish in here myself though my spanish sucks for someone whos been learning for two years. also this better do well or im actually going to ragequit (not).

“Carlos?” You sat up, eyes heavy as you turned your head in the direction of the bathroom. 

There was a crack in the bathroom door, a sliver of light faintly illuminating the room. You could hear him clunking around inside, soft groans of pain reverberating around the room. He’d been in there for god knows how long, leaving you restless as you waited for him to somehow come back.

Pulling yourself out of bed, you tiptoed across the room, pushing the bathroom door open quietly.

A mess was all that greeted you.

You grimaced at the smell of iron staining the air, slightly pushing the gun that sat right at your feet. Various articles of clothing had been discarded all over the floor, a trail of blood stained the floors and the granite countertops.

Your eyes followed it to the bathtub, where you saw Carlos laying. His breathing was shallow, head tipped back against the edge of the bathtub, exposing the cuts all over the visible upper half of his body. 

He wore nothing but a white undershirt, pants seemingly still on as they weren’t among the pile of clothes you’d seen earlier. Hearing you shuffled seemed to wake him from his dazed state, head turning in your direction. You froze.

The low lights seemed to cast a shadow over his eyes, barely hiding his bloodshot eyes, full of frustration and irritation as he stared at you. 

“Creí haberte dicho que no me molestaras (I thought I told you not to bother me)…” He trailed off, annoyed expression on his face softening into something less harsh at the sight of you, “…Y/n. Is something wrong?”

“What happened?” You murmured softly as you approached him, causing him to try to sit up in the tub as.

“Nothing cariño, please go back to bed, I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep.” He groaned, offering you a faint smile as if to comfort you. In all honesty, it made you all the more unsettled at his disheveled appearance, like an itch you couldn’t seem to rid yourself of.

“Carlos, who’s blood is this?” The question made the smile drop off his face, a closed off expression taking its place as you got closer to him. 

“You don’t need to worry about it.” He snapped suddenly, glaring at you as if daring you to take another step closer. “No más de esto, déjalo cariño (no more of this, let it go sweetheart).”

You didn’t listen to him, gently sitting yourself down next to the tub. The cold was a sharp contrast to the heat in your legs.

Looking over, his hand was covering his waist, teeth gritted in pain as you reached down to move his hand. 

Pausing, you looked to him for confirmation and he nodded, despite his former reservation about you seeing him in that state.

Gingerly, you lifted his hand off, eyes widened at the sight of blood soaked in his shirt.

“Te lo dije (I told you),” He retorted with a frown, “I told you so, I didn’t want you seeing all of this.”

“Could you roll it up so I could at least see what's wrong?” You fretted, fingers lightly running up and down the ribbed material of his undershirt.

Exasperated, he obliged, pulling the material that seemed to stick to his skin.

“What the fuck happened…” You trailed off, breathing becoming uneven as you scanned the expanse of his wound, cutting through his skin and exposing the flesh. His ribs were bruised up, various other cuts around the area of the wound.

Worst of all, the coppery smell seem to burn your throat, tears welling up in your eyes at the sight.

“Breath, mí felicidad,” He groaned, bringing up his hand to your own and caressing your knuckles, “I’ve had worse happen to me, and you panicking will not make things easier.”

“But we should call the doctor-”

“We can’t,” He insisted, straining as he sat up to look at you, “You need to do it. There should be a first aid kit in the cabinets, can you get it?” Even as he was bleeding out there in the tub, he had such an intense gaze, mixed with some form of adoration as he watched you.

Reluctantly you got up, opening up the cabinets to shuffle through the boxes, hands eventually hitting something in the back. You pulled out a big black box, and he nodded as confirmation that it was indeed the right box.

You were shaking slightly as you set it down next to you, opening up the box. There were various supplies such as painkillers, bandaids, gauze, even sterilized materials resting at the bottom in their packets.

You shakily cleaned your hands, pulling out everything you could need before putting on the gloves you had found sifting through the box.

“What- what do i do now Carlitos?” You whimpered, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat as you pulled the antiseptic out. 

He grimaced at the sight, but nonetheless shook his head, moving so he could show the wound to you.

“It stopped bleeding a while ago, so it needs to be cleaned so that it doesn’t get infected, then we can think about stitches.”

The thought made your stomach churn but you pushed aside the nausea, gently dipping a cotton ball in antiseptic and bringing it to his wound. He hissed as you wiped away the dirt and sweat, his jaw clenched tightly, but he didn’t protest.

At some point during the whole process, his hand had reached up to you, running up and down your arm rather gently for someone having a needle stuck in them. You could hear him wincing softly, licking his lips as you pulled the needle through his skin another time. 

His grip on your arm tightened a couple times, but not to the point of making you uncomfortable, more as a way of telling you it hurt even if he put on a stoic expression.

The final stitch was made, and you could finally breathe a sigh of relief as you wrapped the gauze around his waist.

Done," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "You'll be okay now?"

“Sí, gracias mí amor (yes, thank you my love),” He murmured, offering you a kiss on the forehead as he hauled himself out of the tub, seating you down on the lid as he limped to the sink. You sat in silence as he wiped the blood off himself, watching as he grimaced at the bruises and various other cuts.

The gravity of the situation was still fresh on your mind, a sense of unease as you watched him lean over the sink.

“What happened tonight…?” You stopped, noticing how he had tensed up once again. You had touched a sore spot, obviously one fresh in his mind. “If you don’t want to answer-”

“Some fucker brought a knife and tried to sabatoge me during the meeting, but I made sure to personally take care of him before I left the room. I couldn’t say the others were very happy with me, I think they were just unhappy it wasn’t me who dropped dead this time.” He chuckled incredulously, heart dropping to your stomach as the implications of what could have happened floated through your head.

He must have noticed your reaction, because his simpered smirk slowly turned into a look of realization about what his words must’ve meant.

“Ay cariño, i didn’t mean to worry you like that,” He cooed, reaching over to pull the hair out of your face, “I love you. You trust me, don’t you?”

You nodded, leaning into his touch.

“Venga, dímelo (come on, tell me) cariño.”

“I do trust you,” You repeated to him, looking into his eyes as he broke into a faint smile, “just promise me you won’t come home like this, don’t die on me.”

He stroked your hair, bringing you closer to him. “And I will, mí amor, I will.” 

You didn’t have to know of the things he did to others, the things he’d done just to come home to you. All that was important, at the end of the day, was that he’d always come back to you.

[rileyslibrary]

Here’s a rose, now piss off.

Summary: Ghost threw out his back, and the medics forbade him from going on a mission. So he’s been assigned by HR to hand out flowers for Women’s Day.

Relationship: Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader

Word Count: 1,094

Notes: 

I'll keep putting Mr Riley in the most awkward situations possible until I run out of ideas. When will that be? *fist punches the table* NEVAH!

Platonic fluff. 🌸

Want more?

———————————————————————

There’s a knock on the door. It’s the 10th time someone has asked to see you since this morning, and it’s not even lunchtime yet. Soldiers are coming in and out of the garage. All. The. Time. They want you to modify their equipment, repair their trucks, replace their firearms, and sync their walkie-talkies. And, as if you’re a genie in a bottle, they expect their wishes to be granted “stat.”

“Come in!” you say, turning towards the door to see your subordinate looking like he was asked to solve world hunger. 

“Boss!” he exclaims, looking down at his clipboard. “Have you seen the Humvee that arrived today?” 

“No, soldier,” you mutter. “What about it?” 

“W-well,” he begins, pausing briefly to look at you. “It’s got holes all over it, boss.”

“Holes?” you ask with raised eyebrows. 

"Y-yeah," he stammers. “Like from bullets and stuff.” 

When you hear the words “and stuff,” a smile forms at the corners of your mouth. It’s not one of amusement. Instead, it’s a tired smile that signals the start of something far more sinister that is about to happen if people continue to bother you with such trivial “stuff.” 

“What do we do in situations like these, soldier?” you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, “what did I teach you to do?” 

“Patch’ er up, boss!” He responds with pride. 

“And what happens if that doesn’t work?” 

“Make a pasta strainer with it, boss.”

“But?” 

“But welding always works for patching up holes, boss!” 

“Very well done!” you utter. “Now go and weld the shit out of it,” you shoo him with your hand, “the operators will likely need the car right away for their next mission.” 

He salutes and walks away six feet taller as if he’s figured out how to solve the Collatz conjecture. You must retrain them so they don’t come to you seeking advice for the tiniest “stuff”. 

Another person enters as your subordinate walks out; an American holding an annihilated walkie-talkie. 

“What is it this time, Philip?” you ask, noticeably bored. 

“It got wet,” he says, handing you the equipment piece by piece. “And then it stopped working.” 

“Graves!” you yell, swinging the poor thing by its cables. This one was already dead. Done. Caput. “Is this what you call ‘wet’ in the States?”

He chuckles but then stops when he sees your stunned expression. He gives a shrug. 

You sigh and toss the walkie-talkie on top of a pile of wrecked equipment, wishing your patience was as large as that heap. You choose another that you fixed earlier, synchronise it, and hand it over to him. 

“Please take better care of your belongings,” you beg. “All of you.” 

He nods and leaves the room, waving the small equipment as if to thank you.

As much as you get angry at them, you can’t help but sympathise and understand their situation. They are soldiers. To successfully complete a mission, they must enter dangerous territories and battlefields. They should submerge themselves and everything they hold in water if necessary. They must use that equipment to the best of their capabilities to free prisoners, rescue civilians, and capture terrorists. Your responsibility is to repair and maintain that equipment, so it is always in good working order and ready to use whenever they need them. Your role might not be as critical as that of a medic, but you, too, are required to ensure their missions’ success.

A cough behind you causes you to throw your hands to your sides and lift your head as if praying to God to end this ordeal. 

“What is it n-” you pause and turn to look at Ghost, holding a covered bucket in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. 

“Let me guess,” you say. “There’s a dead drone in there,” you say, pointing to the bucket, “and you managed to save some of its parts in that cup.” 

But he gives you a threatening stare. He appears to be as fed up as you are. 

He sets the bucket down and lifts up the cover. There is no drone in it. It’s filled with vibrant roses wrapped in pretty paper, standing upright.

“I’m a mechanic, not a botanist, Ghost.” 

“It’s for Women’s Day,” he says, his face as expressionless as when he first entered the room. “I have to distribute these to all the women-” 

You burst out laughing, and he immediately gets angry. He was anticipating that reaction. 

“This isn’t funny, you little shit,” he spits. “I threw my back out, and now HR is making me hand out flowers like I’m fucking Zorro instead of going on the mission.” 

You hold back your laughter and wipe the tears of joy from your cheeks. “At least you have the mask, Lt.,” you try to comfort him, and he turns away in embarrassment. 

“Well, Lt., I’m afraid I’m not a flower person-” 

“I don’t care; you have to choose one.” He says, motioning to the bucket. “And hurry up; I have to go to the ladies at the registrations as well.” 

“No.” You refuse and smirk as you lean against the shelf. “You choose one for me.” 

“Listen up, you motherf-” 

“Hey now, it’s Women’s Day.” You remind him, looking at your nails. 

He sighs as he kneels down with difficulty, shuffling through roses. His hand first grasps a red one, then a pink one, before finally deciding on a yellow rose with red wrapping paper. 

He stands up, supporting his weight on his thigh, that cup still in his hands, and offers you the flower.

“Why yellow?” You ask as you accept the rose. 

“I’m saving the pretty ones for those who actually like flowers,” he explains. 

You widen your eyes and tilt your head to the side. “Is that so, Mr Riley?” You ask.

But he doesn’t give in to your trap. He reaches out his other arm and hands you the cup he held. “Here,” he says, “I know you like coffee.” 

This is far too entertaining for you to give up on. 

“You got me coffee?” You ask with a smile. “You’re such a sweetheart, Simon.” 

He mutters something under his breath, picks up the bucket and begins his way to the ‘registration ladies’.

“Do you need help with that, Lt.?” You ask, and he extends his middle finger without turning around. 

“Thanks for the coffee!” you shout, and you notice his middle finger tucking into his palm, giving way to his thumb as if to say, “you’re welcome.”

———————————————————————

[sixpennydame]

dark side of the moon⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ [chapter 1]

Pairing: yakuza!Levi x f!reader

Word count: 4.6k

Summary:

Neo Tokyo, 2235. You’ve escaped the festering wasteland that is Earth for Mars, to a city where only the strong survive, and everybody has secrets.  Taking on a job as a hostess, you woo the city’s elite, your smile hiding your own dark past. When your path crosses with Levi Ackerman, said to be the strongest member of the Ackerman yakuza clan, you’re not sure whether to consider him a friend or a foe. Because in this city, nothing is what it seems. And the past never stays buried.

Author's note: I will be using Japanese words and phrases periodically and will have a glossary of terms at the end of the chapter.

Series Content/Warnings: mafia/yakuza AU, flashbacks, slow burn, mystery, cyberpunk, sci fi, non-binary Hange Zoe, eventual smut, dark content, graphic violence and sexual content, minors do not interact!

Chapter Content/Warning: mentions of blood, physical assault

next chapter/masterlist/AO3

Blood is thicker than you thought it would be. 

A sea of dark red surrounds you, soaking your clothes and the floor around you. 

Someone’s saying your name, but all you can hear is the thunder of your own heart beat. 

“Hey. Look at me. Do you remember what I promised? That I was never going to let anything bad happen to us again. We swore that we would always be there for each other.

No matter what happens, I promise that I will protect you.

I’ll fix this.”

.

.

.

“Oi you alive? Can you hear me?” A voice said.

You snapped back to reality. Get it together. Don’t fuck this up.

“Sorry…could you repeat that?”

The person in front of you takes off their glasses and cleans them with the edge of their shirt. “I said, you’re obviously not from around here. Where are you from?”

You shift in your chair. You knew that you were going to stand out from the other inhabitants of Neo Tokyo the moment you arrived here.

“I um..I’m from Earth.”

Their eyes go wide. “Earth? That shithole? I didn’t know there were still settlements there. How did you even earn a ticket to get to Mars?” You open your mouth to reply, but they put their hand out. “Don’t answer that - it’s none of my business.”

Obviously your planet of birth has made you intriguing; hopefully intriguing enough that they’ll give you a job. They look you up and down like you were a science experiment. “And why would an Earthling such as yourself want to work here, at Club Azure?”

“I’m a hard worker and a quick learner. And I need to make money fast.”

“Mmmhmmm… you can definitely do that here, if the guests like you,” they smile, “and you certainly would be a unique curiosity.” Brown eyes gleam behind their glasses, “But why do you really want to work here?”

There’s a silence as you think about what to say, but decide you might as well tell the truth. “This line of work doesn’t require me to have Mars citizenship papers.”

“And there it is,” they nod, seeming satisfied with your honesty. “It’s true, we don’t really care about those things here. In return, we expect our employees to be…discreet about our clientelle’s  information and other business that goes on here.”

“I can be discreet.”

“Is that so?” The brunette leans back in their chair and gives you another once-over, their finger tapping their chin. “You’re unique, and there’s a certain something about you… I’m certain the boss is really gonna love you,” they say out loud, more to themself than to you. 

If they aren’t the boss, you wonder who is. 

“Ok, you’re hired.” They reach their hand across the desk and towards you.

A heavy sigh escapes your lips; you hadn’t realized that you’d been holding your breath slightly. Your hand meets theirs and they shake it vigorously. “The name’s Hange Zoe. I run this fine establishment,” they say with pride. “And what should I call you?”

“My name is —“

Hange immediately puts their finger to your lips. “Nuh uh uh, you weren’t about to give me your real name, were you?” They click their tongue. “It’s best that you don't do that. If the authorities come skulking around asking questions, the less I know about you, the better.” 

“Oh…I see.” 

Seems that there’s a lot about this world that you don’t know.

“We need to give you a stage name. Let’s see..” They’re tapping their chin again. “…flower names are always a good choice. What’s your favorite flower?”

“Flower? I’ve never seen one of those before.”

“Oh right..you’re from Earth. It’s been a ruined wasteland for a long time..I guess you wouldn’t have ever seen them. Not that we have them here, either..” Hange stands up from their desk and begins to pace the floor of the small, cramped office. “What are your interests? Any hobbies?”

“I don’t have any hobbies but..” a smile comes to your face, “..on Earth, I loved to look up at the moon.”

“The moon? Hah! That orb is just an exclusive country club for the rich and famous. If your goal is to get there then you have another thing coming.”

You shake your head. “No, nothing like that. But when I was small, me and my si—” you stop. You’re getting too personal. Hange notices, but says nothing. “I mean, I would sit out and look at the moon for hours. I just wanted to escape.”

“And it looks like you’ve done that.” Suddenly Hange’s face brightens. “Luna! That’s what we’ll call you.”

They put their hand on top of your head. “Our little Earthling…let’s get you introduced to the rest of the group and get you dressed for tonight.”

Your eyes go wide. “Wait…I’m starting tonight?”

“Do you have something better to do?” They wait for a reply, to which you give none. “Then follow me.”

You follow Hange through the winding, narrow hall as they open a non-descript door. 

“This is where the girls get changed.” 

They open the door, gesturing for you to enter. Steel lockers are built around the perimeter of the room, with dressing tables and mirrors on the other side. Around you are women in various stages of undress: some have just arrived and are in their street clothes, others are walking around in their underwear, and all of them stop at some point to look you up and down. You knew you were going to stand out when you arrived in Neo Tokyo, but in the cruel, fluorescent lighting, it’s blazingly obvious. Most of the women around you have adorned their bodies with tattoos, the ink under their skin glowing brightly, making some of the images seem to move. Others have augmented their body: shining metallic arms and legs, hair and skin in every color of the rainbow…

All of it is nothing less than extraordinary.

There’s nothing extraordinary about your appearance. Your body doesn’t have a single tattoo or piercing. Your skin, eye, and hair color are ones that you were born with; your ‘human-ness’ is clearly on display for all to see.

“Presenting the hostesses of Club Azure!” The women go about their business as Hange walks you around the room. “You’ll find I’ve curated a diverse group of females who cater to every kind of taste….alien, android, and humanoid. I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

One woman, putting on makeup, scoffs at the statement. “And just who have you wrangled to work here now, Hange?” She turns around to look at you, her nose scrunching up and her lips turning downward in a judgmental frown. “Or should I say, what..”

“Now, now, Ymir, be nice. Everyone!” Hange claps their hands,  “Luna’s just arrived from Earth and I need you all to play nice and show her the ropes. Historia! Find her a dress that’ll fit and let her shadow you tonight.”

A petite woman with golden, glittering hair and bright, shining blue eyes turns around. White tattoo ink glows under her skin, glittering like diamonds. “Of course.” She takes your hand. “Come with me, Luna.”

She leads you to a locker on the far end of the room and presses in a code. It opens with a clink. “This was Nanaba’s locker. I figure you and she are about the same size.” She pulls out a few items and holds them against your body.

“Was? Did she leave without taking her stuff?”

Historia looks away, biting her bottom lip. Apparently your question hit a nerve. “We’re not really sure, actually. She just…disappeared after work one morning, two weeks ago. We never saw her again.”

“You’re leaving out key information, Historia,” Ymir butts in, “she should have never started fucking that guy in the Ackerman clan. That got her killed, I have no doubt.”

“Ackerman clan?”

“Ymir…hush!” Historia nudges Ymir and attempts to push her away, to no success.

“You mean, Hange didn’t tell you? We are employees of Club Azure, but this club is “protected” by the Ackerman Clan, one of the most powerful yakuza clans in Neo Tokyo. Hange might own the place, but they pull the strings. Getting involved with them is bad news.” She gives you a foreboding look. “If you see them, keep your distance.”

“Are they in here often?”

“Of course they are. They’re always skulking around, checking in on their products.”

Historia clicks her tongue, a warning to Ymir. “They’re not that bad. Just smile, be polite, and pour their drinks and you won’t have any problems with them.” Ignoring Ymir's eye roll, she pulls out a dress and hands it to you. “Here, try this on.”

You start taking your clothes off, and the women around you stop and stare. Ymir laughs, and you notice that each of her teeth have been shaped to a sharp point.

“You’re just as normal as normal can be, aren’t you? Not a single augmentation.” She walks around you as you stand there, naked and bare as their eyes judge you. “All your…parts are…real?” she asks, lifting up your arm.

You pull away and grip the dress closer to you. “Augmentations are rare and expensive on earth.”

Ymir smirks and her carnivorous teeth flash. “Well…everybody has a kink. I’m sure someone will be interested in you.”

“Ymir, that’s enough!” Historia huffs, pushing the tall, freckled woman away. By then, you’ve shimmied into the garment Historia chose for you. The tight, red dress fits your form perfectly, falling off the shoulders and highlighting your collarbone and breasts. It’s long, but a slit cuts all the way up the top of your thigh. You’ve never worn anything so elegant.

Historia looks you up and down. “A little tight, but all the better.” She pulls you over to a dressing table. “Now for the finishing touches.” She takes out some makeup and starts applying powders and creams to your face. “Hange probably wants to keep you as human as possible, so we’ll keep it simple.”

Her version of simple was very different from what you were imagining, as she adorns your cheeks with pink blush and your lips with a dark red lipstick. Your hair cascades in waves across your shoulders.

When you look in the mirror you barely recognize yourself. 

“Is that me?” you ask, touching your radiant skin.

“I just enhanced what you already have. Hopefully, it’ll be good enough.” She stands and gives you another once-over, crossing her arms. “You’re still gonna stand out, but surely someone will be interested in you.”

Ymir walks by and chuckles. “This is gonna be interesting.” You scowl at her while she smiles smugly. “See you two out there,” she says, before sauntering away.

Historia takes you by the hand and leads you down a dark hall. Music is already reverberating through the walls and you can hear voices and laughter amidst the clink of glasses, which amplifies as she opens the door.

The bar is dimly lit, illuminated by a ceiling with an array of twinkling lights meant to look like the night sky. There are tables and booths with plush upholstery, some meant for larger groups while others are more private and intimate. A small stage is set up in the corner with a holographic band playing, and on the opposite end of the room, a long drink bar manned by Hange and another bartender. 

And dispersed throughout are men, some young, some old, but all well-dressed, sitting and drinking with a hostess or two.

“At a hostess bar, it’s not our bodies that are for sale, but our time and attention,” Historia says, leading you through the room. “They can request a certain girl, but otherwise, we are partnered with them as they come in.”

The two of you end up at the bar, where Historia gestures for you to sit. “For the time that they’re here, it’s our job to make the guest feel like they are wanted and important - we laugh at all their stupid jokes, listen to their problems at work or at home, or just help them to get their mind off things with conversation.”

Your eyes dart from table to table, taking note of the hostesses pouring drinks, laughing and leaning into their guests, playing drinking games, or having lively talks. One girl gets up and walks over to the stage, singing as the band plays a popular song that everyone at the table seems to know.

“And that’s it?” you ask. “There’s not…more…that goes on between the guest and the hostess?”

“You mean sex?” Historia leans her chin on her hand. “Hange forbids us having sexual relationships with our guests.” Her eyes dart over to Hange as they put some drinks on a tray. “Isn’t that right?”

“Absolutely correct, my beautiful turtle dove,” they reply. “Prostitution can be procured at other clubs, but not at my fine establishment. You can flirt, make eyes, touch…” their bright eyes suddenly become serious, “but no sex.”

A wave of relief washes over you when you hear this. It’s overwhelming enough to know that you’ll have men ogling you, expecting entertainment and companionship. At least that’s all it’s expected to be. 

While Hange busies themself with making another cocktail, Historia leans toward you and whispers, “It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen, though.” 

That doesn’t surprise you; if a hostess’ whole job is to flirt all night long, at some point the lines must get blurred with certain customers. And you can probably make a substantial bit of extra money in taking a relationship beyond the confines of this club. 

But that’s not why you’re here.

Hange pushes a tray of glasses and a bottle of alcohol across the bar to the two of you. “Ok, ladies, it’s showtime. Take these drinks over to table 12.”

Historia glances over to the table before taking the tray. “Ugh, it’s Lovof. Haven’t seen him here for a while.”

“Who’s Lovof?”

“A city councilman. We get a lot of politicians here.” 

The two of you make your way to the table where Lobov is sitting with two other men. You wipe your sweaty palms on your dress, feeling more nervous the closer you get.

“Just smile and pour drinks. I’ll take care of the rest,” Historia whispers, just before making it to the table. “Lobov! It’s been so long, I thought you’d forgotten about us!”

She slides into the booth next to Lobov, a true thing of beauty as she smiles and bats her big, blue eyes. Her skin sparkles even more under the dimmed lighting, making her look like a true angel.

You slide in on the opposite side, sitting next to Lovof’s colleagues, but neither of them pay any attention to you as Historia takes the bottle from its chilled container and pours the golden liquid into a sparkling glass. It’s only until Historia gestures to you that they look your way, a curious look on each of their faces.

“And this is Luna.” Historia’s voice is sweet and soft, matching her angelic persona. “It’s her first night, so I’m showing her how to be a good hostess.”

“Well then, she’s learning from the very best,” Lobov says, his snake-like eyes slinking from Historia to look you over. 

One of the men squints, then takes off his glasses to clean them with his shirt. “This plain-looking thing? Where in the galaxy did you find her?” he comments with a crude chuckle before turning away.

They’re bored with you already.

Get it together.

Don’t fuck this up.

You swallow hard, then take the bottle from Historia and pour a drink for the two unimpressed men.

Smile. Put on the mask.

“The story of why I’m not augmented is quite a tale,” your voice drips with flirtatious intrigue, “but perhaps it’s a tale better left for our second bottle, when I’m a little less nervous.”

The man next to you raises an eyebrow as you raise your glass. “In the meantime, I want to know everything there is to know about you fine gentlemen.” You smile, eyes sparkling in such a way that they almost rival Historia’s. “Kanpai.”

Lovof’s looks of confusion change to amusement as he joins you in raising his glass, the rest reflecting his actions.

“Kanpai!” the table responds.

By the third bottle, everyone is buzzed and relaxed. The alcohol coursing through you is helping you to feel less nervous, and has given you a confidence you’d only pretended to have before. The man next to you, Gelgar, has completely forgotten his other colleagues and is focused solely on you, while the other two are enraptured by Historia.

The attention makes you uncomfortable, everything within you wanting to escape this man’s gaze. But this is your job, you remind yourself. 

You’re not the same person you were on Earth. 

So you mirror your fellow hostess, pouring their drinks and leaning forward as they tell you about an upcoming election. Most of the time you have no idea what they're talking about, but you smile and nod, feigning to be enraptured by their words.

You’re good at pretending. You’ve been doing it your whole life.

There’s a glazed look in the men’s eyes and Historia shoots you a glance that tells you it’s time for them to call it a night. As the two of you escort them out of the bar, Lovof suddenly stops, turning to you.

“My darling, you never told us - why are you not augmented?”

Ah. You forgot you’d mentioned that. 

“Well…” you begin as you’re walking with them out of the club, “...my father was the leader of a cult and my mother was one of his many wives. It was commanded that his children never be augmented, as doing so would be an affront to God, who made the body. No needle or knife must ever blemish my skin.” 

A smile crawls across his face. “Intriguing. Absolutely intriguing…” You feel his eyes rove over your body in a way that feels violating. “I’d like to drink with you again, Luna.”

“She would be honored.,” Historia says, placing her hand on your back and guiding you to bow with her. “Please come visit us again soon.”

You both deeply bow then wave as the trio drunkenly walk to the black vehicle that pulled up for them. Only until they are out of view do you both turn away.

Historia takes your arm. “That story…is it really true?”

“Does it matter?”

Historia lets out an angelic laugh. “I think you’re going to do just fine here.” She walks arm-in-arm with you back into the bar. “You did well for your first time, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. I was nervous the entire time.” You allow yourself to smile - the first real smile you’ve had all night.

Historia’s words of praise flow through you as freely as the copious amounts of alcohol you’ve already consumed, both of them giving you courage as you stroll back into your new workplace. 

This isn’t too bad, you think to yourself.

You can do this.

You carry a newfound boldness as you and Historia walk up to Hange, who is waiting at the door. There’s a concerned, serious look in their eyes, much different from the happy, go-lucky persona you’d initially met. 

Hange pulls you both aside. “They’re back, Historia, and causing a ruckus. I’m sorry to do this to you and Luna, but will you two help with damage control for a few minutes while I call for some backup?” They press a small silver button on the back of their ear and walk away, not even waiting for a response.  As if either of you had a choice in the matter. 

You must have been too focused on your table’s patrons to realize the growing noisiness of the table in the center of the club. Now, it’s hard to notice anything else.  

Even from across the room, you can sense the chaotic energy of the group, a stark difference from the customers you’d just said goodbye to. The men are much younger than Lovof and his associates, their tacky suits and bright hair colors a stark contrast to the politicians you’d just entertained. They slap the table and yell curse words at each other, earning sideway glances from the others surrounding them. Empty bottles of alcohol litter their table; one of the men tries to milk the last few drops from one, but when there’s nothing left, he frowns.

“Oi! Another bottle! Make that two!” he curls his lip in disgust as he looks at his comrades slumped around the table. “This place has the shittiest service.”

Your newfound boldness shrinks with each step to their table.

“We just need to get them to settle down and then get them to leave,” Historia whispers, handing you a bottle. “Be polite, but don’t let them manhandle you.”

You put the mask back on, smiling as you and Historia both sit on either side of the booth.

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Historia says, her voice still ringing calm and clear.

An arm immediately wraps around your shoulders the second you sit down, pulling you forcefully into him.

“Look at this - two more! We must be getting the V.I.P. treatment today, boys,” a man with long brown hair and green eyes shouts over the rest of the crowd.

Ever the essence of politeness, Historia pours the alcohol, a superficial smile never leaving her face.

“It’s our honor to serve you here at Club Azure,” is her meek reply. 

The two other hostesses copy Historia, just as you had done earlier, but behind their smiles are eyes that want to escape the situation as soon as possible. Although this is your first night and you still have much to learn, something feels different about this group of men; they are loud and arrogant, and their way of speaking is crude. It’s as if their entire goal is to make everyone uncomfortable. They continue to demand more alcohol and paw at the hostesses, downing bottle after bottle, their appetites insatiable.

All the while, the brunette man continues to clutch at you, his grip tight on your shoulder, keeping you from moving one inch. His suit reeks of alcohol and tobacco, and his breath is even worse when he finally decides to turn and speak to you. 

“I’ve never seen you here before.” 

He’s young, and there’s a wildness in his eyes, warning you to stay on his good side.

You attempt to shift away from him, but his arm is stronger than it looks. So you put on the mask and smile faintly. “I’m new. The name’s Luna.”

Seeming to be the ringleader of the group, you hope that light conversation will keep him preoccupied enough for help to arrive.

Whatever help that may be.

“Lunaaaaa…” he repeats, his tone heavy and foreboding. “You’re a non-aug.” He shifts his attention back to the other men at the table. “Look at this - we got ourselves a non-aug.”

You assume that means you’re not augmented. Will it be an intriguing curiosity, as it was in Lovof’s case? 

Or something far worse?

The men hoot and holler words that you aren’t familiar with, but you don’t need to be fluent in the Martian dialect to know the meanings of their slurs.

The other women look at you, brows knit, bodies frozen, each hesitant to intercede.

“Tell me, Luna,” his green eyes darken, moving down your body and stopping at the bare leg peeking out of the high slit of your dress, “is every part of you real?”

His grip on your shoulder grows even tighter as his free hand moves up your thigh. “Let’s find out, hm?”

Every fiber of your being is screaming to escape this man’s clutches. Your eyes flash to Historia, who attempts to stand up and walk to you, but is forced back down by one of the men. She sends you a helpless expression that even she is powerless to help you.

But you refuse to be powerless. Not ever again.

So you meet the man’s lustful gaze, and slap him hard across the face.

A look of shock sweeps over him, his pride hurt more than the sting in his cheek.

“Don’t you touch me,” comes your warning, willing your body and voice not to shake.

Time freezes for a moment, not a single person moving a muscle, until - 

– the back of his hand cracks against your cheekbone. 

It takes you a few seconds to realize what just happened, but before you can react, he grabs your face with his hand and forces you to look into his eyes.

“Bitch.” He squeezes tighter. “Do you know who I am?”

“Should I?” you manage to reply, despite the forceful grip on your cheeks.

His eyes fill with rage, getting even greener. “Nobody fucks with the Jaeger clan.”

“Oi.”

You hear a voice behind the two of you, cold as steel.

“Did you hear the lady? Hands off.”

You can’t move your head to see who’s talking, but your assailant does. “And who the fuck are you?”

“Someone who’s about to fuck with the Jaeger clan.”

Suddenly a hand grabs the back of the man’s collar and yanks him up, his body flying over the back of the booth and into another table. There are a few screams but then the club goes silent as all eyes watch what’s transpiring. 

Finally free, you look behind you to see a man in a navy blue suit. He walks closer to the other man, who’s scrambling up from the floor. There’s an incredible size difference between the two; this man in the blue suit is much shorter than the men that are now surrounding him, but it doesn’t seem to faze him in the least. 

Green eyes flash and the three other henchmen barrel towards the shorter man. It only takes a few seconds for two of them to be sprawled on the ground, barely conscious. The third grabs the lapels of his dark blue suit, but a hard knee to his groin has him joining his compatriots on the floor. 

“Bastard..” 

Now the only one standing, the brunette moves his hand toward the inner pocket of his jacket.

Something flashes into the hand of the smaller man. It seems to be a knife of some kind.

How did it appear so quickly?

“You pull out that piece and it’ll be the last thing your hand ever does,” the shorter man warns, his eyes laser-focused.

The other three men scurry off the floor and towards the club’s exit, but not before one of them grabs his friend by the shoulder. “Come on Eren, let’s get out of here. Your brother’s gonna kill us if this gets worse.”

The tall brunette man smirks then backs away with his hands up, keeping his eyes on the man in front of him.

“This isn’t over.” His eyes then flit to you as he straightens his suit jacket. “Fucking bitch,” he spits, before turning to leave.

It’s as if the whole club takes a collective sigh once the four men are finally gone. Historia is immediately at your side.

“Oh my god, Luna, are you alright? I’m so sorry..”

You can hear her words and feel her gentle hands touching your face, but all your attention is on the man standing before you. He buttons his suit jacket and runs his fingers through his hair, pushing back the few strands that came loose during the scuffle.

“Thank you so much, um…” your words hang in the air, waiting for a name.

His steel blue eyes look into yours - not at your body, not at the bruise you’re sure is growing by the second - but deep into your eyes, before looking away. 

It’s the first time you’ve felt someone look at you like you’re a person, not some oddity.

“Levi,” he finally answers in a low, cool voice. “And don’t thank me for doing my job.”

Before you can say more, he’s turned his back, disappearing into the darkness of the club. 

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Glossary of terms:

Yakuza - Japanese mafia

Kanpai - cheers!

Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

next chapter/masterlist/AO3

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[footballfanficwriter]

Spill the tea

Summary:where Jude is invested in girl drama

"Hello?"

"Hey girl, I've got hot tea for you"

"Yeah, spill it I'm listening"

I'm on a call with Ashley my Best friend who tells me everything, well we tell eachother everything, Ashley and I have been friends for the longest time, we grew up together and she was always there for me way before I even met Jude

"Ok so I just found out that Hannah is pregnant"

"What?"

"But the plot thickens, remember the boyfriend she said she was dating?"

"Yeah?"

"Well turns out he's not the father"

"If it's not him then whose the father?"

Jude walks into the house from  training and he waves at me, I wave back at him

"It turns out that Hannah was having an Affair" Ashley says

"An Affair with who"

I see Jude turn his head towards me like my sentence has just peaked his interest and he walks to where I'm sat in the sofa and sits next to me watching me with interest

"The Gardner"

"The Gardner?"

Jude grabs my phone from my ear and puts the phone on speaker

"Whose having an affair with the Gardner?" He asks

"Hey Jude"

"Hey Ash, how are you?"

"I'm good, how are you"

"I'm good,so whose having an Affair with the Gardner"

"Hannah"

"But wasn't she with that other boyfriend of hers that she was bragging about?" Jude asks

"Yeah she was, I guess she was cheating on him"

"But, he was such a good guy"

"I know right"

"But there's more tea to be spilled"

"What Is it"

"Alice"

"I swear there's always something happening in Alice's life" I say

"Alice decided that it was a good idea to get surgery, and because she didn't have the budget for it, she went to a makeshift surgeon, and it did not come out proper, it just looks weird honestly"

"Do you have a picture?"  I ask

"Yeah, hang on I'll send it just now"

Ash sends the picture and Jude and I look at it weirdly

"What has she done" he asks

"I'm speechless"

"I don't know whether to laugh or to cry" Jude says

"Why are her lips like that"

"Who ever did this to her needs to be arrested" Jude says

"Where is she now?" I ask

"At her house, she hasn't left eversince"

"Maybe we should check on her you know, see if she's doing fine" I say

"Yeah we should, we'll do it later"

"I'll make her something to try and make her feel better"

"Oh I just got am update on Hannah's situation"

"Turns out the Gardner is actually dating Haley, and he proposed to her"

"He proposed?" Jude asked

"So how are they going to work it out are they going to be one big polygamy Family"

"Even if the do that how is he going to afford to have a baby and have a wedding, knowing Haley she's definitely going to want a big extravagant wedding and she doesn't like sharing, so how is she going to share a husband with someone else?"

"What I don't get is how you're going to cheat on a person, then propose to the same person you cheated on, like do you know how much of a negative impact you have on a person"

"But Hannah is also in the wrong, she cheated on her boyfriend and went for Haley's then boyfriend and got pregnant by him, like that messed up, on top of that they are bestfriends" Jude says

"Ash you know I love you, but i could never be a sister wife with you, with anyone for a matter of fact"

"Don't worry, you're into footballers and I'm into NBA Stars totally different sport"

"Oh I forgot to tell you that Julia is moving" I say

"Julia is moving" They both ask

"Yeah she's moving back to France"

"Why?

"Something about being caught with the boss"

"She was caught with the boss"

"Well they weren't really keeping their affair a secret, they held hands in the office and they'd flirt in front of people, it was just a matter of time"

"But the boss?"

"Yup"

"Isn't she Lesbian?" Jude asks

"She's Lesbian?" I ask

"Isn't she in a relationship?" Ash asks

"She's in a relationship?" Jude and I ask at the same time

"That's crazy you know"

"It's insane actually"

"But hey you know what these aren't our lives and who are we to judge and Comment on other people's lives"

"True"

"So we'll meet in 2 hours to go and check on Alice?"

"Yeah, see you then"

I hang the phone up and look at Jude

"Let me go get ready I wanna see her myself"

"Jude when we get there please try to compose yourself until we get back home"

"Until we get back home?, I'll compose myself until we get into the car and drive off"

"Fine but if you can't keep your side if the bargain, I'll be very upset"

"Ok fine"

2 hours later

There's a knock

I walk to the door to reveal Ash

"Hey babe"

"Hey, you ready to go ?"

"Yup, just waiting for Jude"

"Ok, so what did you make Alice"

"Soup, cause you know I figured that she wouldn't be able to eat a lot of things that are solid"

"Yeah"

Jude walks down the stairs and greets Ash

Ash decides to ride in her own car on our way to Alice's house

When we arrive there I knock on the door and after a few seconds later the door opens revealing Alice

I turn to Jude and watch his eyes grow bigger, I then turn back to Alice

"Hey Alice we heard you weren't feeling well, so we thought we might check on you see how you're doing"

"Yeah, we heard what happened" Ash says

"Come in please"

"So how have you been" Jude asks

"Is it bad like really bad can you see I got my face done"

"No, it's not that bad, your lips just look more plumb" I say

I hear Jude clear his throat next to him

"I just can't stop looking in the mirror" she says crying

"Oh sweetie don't so that to yourself, I'm sure it will get better, don't bring yourself down like that" Ashley says

"Yeah Ashley is right I didn't even notice it until you brought it up" Jude says

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's right c'mon you must be hungry Y/n made soup for you I'll plate it up for you" Ash says taking the big bowl of soup from my hands and leading Alice to the Kitchen

"What are you doing" I ask him

"What, I thought we were telling her lies to make her feel better" he says

"Jude stop ok"

"But I haven't laughed ever since we got here, though it may be difficult not to I still haven't"

"Fine just stop with the side expressions and stuff"

"Oh c'mon you're going to stand there and pretend that all of this is not funny"

"Unlike you I know how to compose myself and keep my laughter in, and plus we're in her house how rude would it be if we just came in and laughed at her face"

He smiles a little almost like he's trying not to laugh

I sigh

"I give up on you"

We stay with Alice for 3 more hours until we announce that we have to go but Ash opts to stay with Alice until she's better and we promise to occasionally visit

As soon as we enter the car He laughs his ass off

"Let's not even talk about the lips did you see the eyebrows, she can't even lift her eyebrows"

"Wait until we get home"

"I'm not waiting until we get home I'm talking now"

"Jude"

"C'mon, it's not like she can hear me"

"Fine"

"Did you see the nose, it's like this" he says laughing and making the shape of her nose in the air

As much as I don't want to laugh at Alice Jude is not making it any easier not to so I just chuckle

"Her lips are like this, babe look" he says making his lips plump by squishing them together using his hands

I laugh at his comment and the rest if the way Jude and I are talking about Alice and all the things that could have forced her to do this to herself

The rest of the day is spent hanging out and Jude and i making dinner for ourselves then watching a movie then bed

As I'm changing into my Pajamas Jude speaks up

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"On a serious note though, l love you just the way you are"

I raise my eyebrow wondering where all of this came from

"Ok, why are you being weird"

"I'm not I'm just saying if you ever decide to get plastic surgery or a face lift, whatever it is, Just know that I love your body just the way it is and I don't want you to be pressured or feel like it's your obligation to make yourself look younger or have more curves or to look a certain way when you're with me"

"Aww, Jude Babe thank you so much, and to make you feel better and to put you at ease, I wasn't even thinking about getting anything on my body done so, you have nothing to worry about, in fact Alice's case just pushed me futher away from the idea"

He breathes a sigh of relief and walks over to me towers over me where he kisses my forehead

"I love you and your body"

"I love you too"

[aliesbienish]

A study of wolves: chapter three

chapter one ✩ chapter two

Paul Lahote x Reader

- The previous day -

“Why did we even agree to this study, clearly she is going to notice signs that the wolves around here aren’t always of the typical gray variety?” Paul questioned the tribal council, pacing at the foot of the meeting table.

“Son we didn’t have a choice, the majority of the land you boys protect falls out of the reservation. It was going ahead anyway, so it made sense to at least have someone from the council always there to steer clear of anything suspicious,” Billy placated, hands up in surrender to the clearly riled man.

“Billy’s right Paul,” Sam chimed in “there wasn’t an option. Plus this way we get income from the cabin and a guide. You know we need this to complete the maintenance on the school.”

“So you are okay with us becoming a study? Because we all know between the cameras and her field observation training we’re fucked. There is no way we can always play it safe with these cold ones lurking around, a mistake is inevitable.”

“Son,” Billy continued “it’s not even like it’s an issue anymore. You’ve imprinted on her, so she is one of us now. It’s well within reason to tell her what is going on.”

“No” Paul growled. “That is my choice and it’s absolutely not happening. Some silly idea that she’s my soulmate doesn’t change the fact she is a complete stranger. We don’t how she’ll react, there is no way I’m risking it,”

“You might not have a choice if she catches sight of something she’s not supposed to.”

“This is my only choice, and I’m not letting anyone taking it from me. Not even you.”

Billy sighed, resting his head in his hands. The chief was well aware what Paul’s reservations were really about. “Son, I know you didn’t want this. But please understand this is a blessing from the spirits, fighting this will only hurt you,”

“I refuse to let my choice be taken away, and I refuse to let hers. I will help to keep our secret safe but once this project is over she will leave and life will continue. And I don’t want anyone to try to do anything to change that.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The sky was clear but the southerly winds whipped ferociously along the cliff face where Paul parked up. The great blue expanse of ocean was mesmerising, stretching out as far as the eye could see. It was in moments like this you felt solace, out of the noise and bustle of large cities. Just the sounds of birds, waves crashing and winds whistling amongst the trees. After taking the moment to ground yourself you made your way over to the truck bed to grab your gear, Paul doing the same with his own bag.

“What’s the plan?”

“Well the most recent report says the last sighting was off this trail here,” you said pointing across the gravel road and to the unsigned trail head. “It happened in a clearing about four miles in so I think we head out there keeping an eye out on the way.”

“Sure thing boss. Anything you want me to keep an eye out for?”

“If you wouldn’t mind looking for prints, the ground should be pretty muddy under the vegetation cover so anything that’s been here since the previous rainfall last week should have left a mark. I don’t think we’ll actually come across a wolf since they’re nocturnal. But hopefully we can find a good spot for at least one of the cameras,”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

For the past hour you had been hiking in relative silence. Paul lead the way, keeping a steady but maintainable pace. The trail itself was muddy but relatively flat, and wide enough you didn’t have to squeeze past any bushes. So far you hadn’t spotted anything apart from a wild rabbit that darted across the path in front of you.

Seeing a fallen trunk parallel to the path up ahead you decided now was as good a time as any to have a break.

“You keen for some morning tea?” You called to your companion, who gave you a nod and slowed down.

Perching on the thankfully stable trunk you pulled out the first of the sandwich haul.

“What’s your poison; PB & J or ham and cheese?”

“Whatever one you don’t want,”

“Na-ah, that wasn’t my question now was it. What kind of boss would I be if I just gave my worker scraps?”

“A standard one,” Paul smirked. Before grabbing the ham and cheese sandwich from the lunchbox. “Thanks”

“So Paul,” you began after a few bites of food, “what do you usually do besides leading clueless city girls around the forest ?”

“Thanks for making me sound like a serial killer. Plus I wouldn’t call you clueless,”

“I mean in the serial killer equation I think I’d rather be clueless. Would be worse if I willingly followed a killer into the middle of nowhere. Now answer the question idiot,” you laughed affectionately.

“Whatever the council needs really. Usually some form of construction or land maintenance,”

“Do you enjoy it? I imagine it’s nice to be working with your hands and doing something different every day?”

“I do. It’s not what I had anticipated doing, but it keeps me busy. I don’t think I could ever work in an office.”

“What did you think you’ll be doing?” You paused a second, and realised you may be getting too intrusive with someone you didn’t know. Something about Paul just made you want to dig into what made him…well him. “Sorry you don’t have to answer that. I’ll just shut up,”

“Don’t worry [y/n], it’s fine. But you have to swear you won’t tell anyone,”

“I solemnly swear,” you declared grabbing his left pinkie with your right.

“Child,” Pull laughed, before wrapping his pinkie around your own. “I also thought by now I’d be travelling the country. Maybe working with animals on my way, at a ranch or something like that,”

“Nothing wrong with that at all. In fact it’s smart, animals are obviously much better than people,”

“Obviously,” he snorted.

“May I asked what changed?”

“Ah just council things really, it’s my duty to the tribe.”

You could tell he was skirting around the answer, but you knew it would be beyond rude to pry any further.

“Well there’s still plenty of time to try something new,” you declared as you swung your backpack on. “Shall we continue future cowboy?”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Hope you all enjoyed xx

Next chapter

[antimony-medusa]

One of the things that I think sometimes gets lost when we talk about what's appropriate in fandom spaces is the notion that things can be appropriate in one space, but not for another. And that doesn't mean that the thing that's inappropriate in that setting is wrong, it just means that it's rude in that space. I think people want a single set of rules that's appropriate everywhere, but the thing is, you have to be able to assess the situation, and adjust your behaviour accordingly.

So an example. I have a fairly popular text post that was me asking about c!phil and religion in all innocence, and someone said "the only thing I have to say about c!phil is that he worships on his knees, thank you and goodnight". And I reblogged it like "I can't believe I forgot about how this fandom does phil analysis", cause it was at the height of the dilfza memes.

Anyways that's obviously a phil-is-happily-married/oral sex joke, in an oblique innuendo way, and on this site, where Phil is not here, and his friends are not here, with it being clear I was talking about the block man character, and we make jokes about sex and profanity (a very popular url scheme for a long time was "[name]shugecock" (or smalldick, depending on the joke)— that's a fine joke to make. I'm an adult, I can make sex jokes about fictional characters on the sex joke fictional character social media site.

If I was to make that joke in Philza's twitch chat, a) in his face, b) with his wife modding, c) in an enviroment where people aren't prepped for sex jokes, d) with it being not clear if I was talking about the cubito or about the real guy, that would be wildly inappopriate. I would be banned in every chat Philza mods in and I would deserve it.

That doesn't mean that it's inappropriate to make the joke in the first place though, just because I wouldn't do it at a Phil meet and greet. It means you gotta learn to read the room. (And like, sometimes it's hard to learn to read the room, but you can do it by pure brute-force memorization. I did.)

This is the same theory that underlies the fact that you can call your friends a bitch in a friendly way, because you are friends and you know each other's boundaries, but if you call your boss a bitch, you will be fired. There are rules about workplace appropriateness, and there are rules about what's appropriate in front of kids (I teach teens, I do not swear in front of them, I swear a LOT in front of my roommate), and there are rules about what's appropriate in different fandom spaces. Participating in an exchange about pregnancy and babies with your favourite blorbo of the moment? Great. Showing the actor gift art you got of him pregnant? No. Bad. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

The thing that concerns me is that I think there are slight signs that as we get more comfortable with sexy jokes and offcolour remarks as a MCYT fandom (QSMP is the big banner example but it happens with other smps), we're taking what's appropriate in one space (tumblr, home of the brain worms, where I have seen the blog "philzaswetpussy" on my dash), and we're bringing it into places that it's not appropriate (sure, slimeariana is clearly canon, but maybe don't put the actual dicks-out fan art in the art tag on twitter that slime checks). Cause we can obviously tell that the rules twitter is going with are silly for here, so it's full speed ahead for roier/spreen etc, but the trick here is that it's full speed ahead HERE, or in fandom servers, and not necessarily in the streamer's faces.

We have a bunch of situations where creators have said that it's not their place to weigh in on shipping or nsfw etc, and people have taken that as a go ahead and that's fine, but thats still something where I'd like, caution people that just because they said "not gonna look at it not my deal", that doesn't mean that like, you should make it difficult for them to avoid looking at it. Talking about scitties is an honourable tradition, but telling scar that he makes you question your sexuality in his TTS— I made a horrified noise in real life and the cats came to look at me.

And I'm talking about the shipping, but this is also a thing with like— sometimes I see a streamer and I go "my friend you just vividly described neurodivergent symptoms" but it is ABSOLUTELY not my place to say that in their chat. It might not even be appropriate to make comments about it on my blog, with the amount of followers I have. I have to keep the "streamer just described the ADHD experience again :pensive:" comments for the group chat. And we all nod and go "yeah sounds like streamer", and we do not put it in his face, cause that's inappropriate.

We get to have fun with the fictional characters, including off-colour fun, but we still have to remember that there are real people who don't know us who are steering those fictional characters around, and it can be profoundly weird to see some of the (stuff that is appropriate in fandom spaces!) just up in your face in the regular fan art tag.

Just think about the space you're in, and who you're in front of, and if a CC notice is actually likely, and if a CC notice would be Very Bad actually with what you're doing, and keep the "world's sluttiest absent father" bracket (with associated slutty fan art) for here, not with the streamer tagged on twitter.

[postsforposting]

A Jolly Red Lie

Why a red suit? Cause it's christmas, and someone's been naughty. But also so that people don't know he's bleeding, that he's hurting.

In dp2, Wade says he should have worn his WHITE suit when he meets Juggernaut. Because a red suit hides blood, a white suit hides that you're excited, that you're enjoying all this. That you're getting off, that you want it.

A red suit shows you're enjoying it. A red suit doesn't show you're hurting. A white suit doesn't show you're enjoying it, but it does show you're hurting.

Wade's first suit was white.

He swapped it to red because he didn't want to show he was bleeding all over everything. You know, like a bleeding heart. He doesn't want people to know he cares so much he'd sacrifice himself over and over. Selflessness. He wants it to appear as if his actions cost him nothing. He can't have anyone thinking he wants to be there.

But the red suit does show he's enjoying it. Enjoying the fighting, the killing, the being stabbed.

When we first meet pre Deadpool Wade, he was in a red coat, white shirt--the Golden Girls shirt. He's enjoying what he's doing.

Wearing his heart on his sleeve. Showing what he cares about. Told pizza stalker girl he does it for the hugs, and then covered up by turning it into a joke "for the money"--(haha the deadpool movie was ostensibly jokes for money, but we all know that's not true)--and then later refusing to take payment. He's being open, even if he knocks it down a peg after the fact.

Looking at Vanessa with open care, and letting her see. Openly saying things like "Happy holidays", without being sarcastic about it or negating it.

But he stops doing that after Francis. The only time it's shown is when she tells him she wants to have a kid--even then it's still not openly, because it's hidden behind jokes. He doesn't tell her he loves HER, only that he really wants a kid: but DOES HE?

No. He's pretending to care, to want. They first intend to "watch some porn and show the bed who's boss", but we cut to them watching Abjectly Not Porn. He then says he wants a kid again, but the way he describes it is to "get the strap on": that's not how kids are made. He didn't want that in dp1 though: he says "no" to the strap on in the sex montage. (That was on international women's Day. When Vanessa is dead in dp2, it's always international women's Day there. Aka, Wade doesn't want to be there. Why is he there, then? Because he thinks she wants that.)

He's pretending to care about something he doesn't. He's using things he's supposed to want, but no longer does, to act like he cares. He wants to, but he does not. He says he wants kids as he's selling used cars, but that's a lie followed by the offense of "not having vaginal sex". Because he wants to get pegged now, which is extremely offensive to Disney.

So what changed?

He isn't "Happy holidays" open anymore after Francis.

He's showing her what he wants, but won't say it. She is also showing and not saying what she wants: him to SAY it. They both want a family, just not THIS one. Do you want what I can give you or do you want me? He's only alive on the outside, not the inside.

They give each other multiple opportunities to just say it, but neither actually wants to make it happen. She doesn't take the excuse that he would be a bad father as the "I don't want this" subtext it really is; he doesn't take her dismissal of his excuses as the call for change--to go back to how things were--that it is. He knows what's going on, he'll flirt with the line but he won't go to the end.

He's too selfless to tell her he doesn't want this. He doesn't say no anymore, unlike he did pre-Deadpool. Because he thinks she wants this with him, and he won't deny her that, because he calls that selfish.

He CAN do it, so does it matter if he wants it?

He's so selfless he'll hide how much he's being hurt: his bleeding heart. Hide how much it's killing him that he can't say no. He thinks he doesn't have a choice.

Because Father Christmas is going after the naughty list: NOT handing out presents. Enjoying receiving them from other people--not wearing the white suit to hide that--because he's giving presents while giving nothing away. Giving but not receiving. (Haha multiple meta levels and multiple sex jokes)

When did Wade change and why? Going to Francis was showing he cared so much about something he was willing to risk it all. That was the decision he told us is when "it all went wrong": when he changed, on more than just the outside. When it went wrong with Vanessa.

He's only alive on the outside. He's only got a life (with Vanessa) on the outside--he's dead inside. This isn't a life he wants.

Because what he got for caring that much--risking it all--was everything going wrong. The new him, wrong but so right: hiding everything behind a joke, saying the opposite of what he means. Not like he used to be.

The trauma wasn't the torture, it was that he asked for the help they offered only to learn they were lying, that they didn't actually want him around: both in the sense that they weren't doing it for him, and also that they were going to ship him out enslaved afterwards. He no longer trusts claims to care, kindness, because that's where everything goes wrong. Kindness is a lie, hiding the threat of getting the rug pulled.

If you have to say you're nice, then you're not actually nice.....if you don't say you're nice--if you identify as an asshole--you could be nice on the inside. False skins.

Rejection can't hurt you if you don't give it a chance in the first place. If you act like you don't care, that you don't want the thing you want. If you act like you're a psychotic asshole, pushing people away from the getgo.

He gets off on being hurt now: red suit, not white. He's no longer hiding that he gets off on that. Openness is a turn off.

People in jolly red suits are supposed to enjoy giving presents in exchange for cookies and cream after coming down the chimney. Openly doing things for other people, for no payment except appreciation. That was Wade in his jolly red pizza jacket.

And that selflessness still is him, except it's killing him inside and out.

But now he's saying his bleeding red heart--not just on his sleeve but his EVERYTHING--is about hiding the gore: a lie that it's about blood to cover the truth that it's about his heart, how hurt he is on the inside. How he's constantly dying.

It IS about the blood, but it's also not. An omission. Honesty from the other side: not full frontal but raw dogging it from the back, in the subtext. A reach around, if you will.

There wasn't any bloody gore to hide with the pizza stalker, he really was just wearing his heart on his sleeve. Like he's doing in his red Christmas suit, except he's now lying about what it is.

Don't listen to him, he's a fucking liar.

He was pizza Santa, but now he's Bad Santa: claiming it's about blood feud and his face when really it's about making sure Francis couldn't happen to anyone else. Hiding his bleeding heart out in the open behind the ugly statement that he's selfish. Taking out Francis' entire operation instead of only getting revenge on Francis.

He now doesn't care if people see he enjoys what he does, in his red suit, getting off on being hurt: unlike with the pizza stalker, when "that came out wrong, or did it, kiss". He didn't kill that guy because that's not what it was about; but now, he openly enjoys that. So long as he can hide what it's really about behind a different front, a different face, a lie.

The face he presents isn't his real one. It's a mask. Ugly offense instead of truth. Offense as truth.

That's (not) what she said

That's why Vanessa said "show me you care about something bigger than yourself": I need you to be open. An offensive statement ostensibly saying he's selfish, because she wants him to SAY OPENLY that it's not the truth, that his front is JUST a front. (But it's not. She wants him to go back to who he was--not the face, but the "happy holidays".) To remove the cover. (That's why he took off the suit: he removed the lie. Other people wanted him to, so he tried to give it to them because he's just that selfless.

Why should it matter if you don't want to? Sacrifice isn't a good thing if it's not your choice. It'll destroy everything.)

But he can't remove the cover and still be himself. Removing it means he's lying to himself. He's not "right there" anymore. He's always behind an invisible barrier, and he won't cross it anymore. It's not a facade, it's who he really is. He's offensive, not polite, impolite.

Her crazy no longer matches his crazy. He's got a new him that he shouldn't put a mask over.

Vanessa's "show me you care" was giving him the excuse and choice he needed to breakup: here's something ugly you can call yourself so that you can leave. She knows he doesn't want to be there, he just can't give up the wish to be, and he won't subject her to rejection because he sees that as selfish, because that's what he's most afraid of himself.

She said "I don't want you", and it was a lie, but it also wasn't. Wade took the excuse of the text, the superficial statement, to ignore that what she was really saying was "I know you don't want me".

By the end of dp3, he learns that wanting things for himself isn't selfish. "I did it for you", he says, and because it's not impolite, not who she knows he is, Vanessa knows it wasn't about her. That it's a lie. He's telling her that he's finally doing something HE wants, and it's not her: he's finally telling her no, able to say no again, to say what he actually wants. It's a thank you to her for telling him to go, to do what makes him happy--what he wants. She's happy for him. All she wanted was for him to be happy, that's why she wanted him to leave. He's learned that getting to choose matters, and wanting matters, more than ostensible selflessness.

"I did it for you": not the truth but not a lie. A lie that is the truth.

He's pretending to care about his non-deadpool life in dp3, when really he doesn't. It isn't him and Vanessa knows it. So she gives him an excuse: I'll call you selfish, so you can go find what you really want, because I know it's not me, I know you need an excuse to act for yourself.

He goes to 616 looking to join the Avengers with the excuse on his lips that it's someone else who wants it. He's sick of not belonging. Because even when what he wants is right in front of him, when it's true he wants to do it for other people--he still can't say it. He lets it go because they would want him to stop being impolite, just like Vanessa, and he won't do that. He won't admit what the red suit really is.

He won't say he's selfless. He won't say he's nice. He'll say he's not.

But he hangs up the suit because he thinks he'll never find somewhere to belong unless he changes. Unless he gives everyone else what they want. Unless he acts like someone he isn't.

Wade won't openly care after Francis, but after Vanessa was saved in dp2, she changed too: she wanted more open care, not behind an excuse. She missed the happy holidays. It had started before she died too: she wanted him to give her the real reason he was late, not an excuse: she wanted him to say he came back FOR her, not excuse why he hadn't. He DID leave in the middle of a job FOR her, though--he just wouldn't say it. Weaker and weaker excuses were the best he could do. Pouty face because he doesn't want to say the truth, and she knows it. Accepted it at the time, but not after dp2: when she saw he would be fully self destructive in an attempt to not be selfish. That's why she's with someone openly kind in dp3: not someone offensive like Wade.

How does offense as defense, offense as a true lie, come into things?

He says he's not having vaginal sex as an offensive way to cover the truth that he wants to get pegged, aka he's gay. (Subtext that Vanessa was a beard for dp2. He wasn't gay before he became Deadpool, before he became Jesus.) Metanarratively, it's an offensive sex comment to hide the greater offense Disney takes to queerness. Desire under offense. A lie to hide the truth. A lie that IS the truth.

He does do things because other people need him. He always has. He's always been kind.

He cares SO MUCH, he just won't say it out loud, make it obvious. Just like Logan couldn't have anyone knowing how much he wanted to be there. They need cover, an excuse.

What you think you're seeing isn't what's really there: it's not Captain America but Johnny. It was all along. It's not the money shot but the hug. He's not there for mister chandelier jeans, he's there for the delivery. To make a delivery himself.

But if offense is defense, if offense is the truth: not my favorite Chris, is, in fact---

So he hides behind being fake: he's not faking being nice, he's faking being offensive. Nicepool is the opposite, a facade of kindness hiding selfishness: he doesn't let the dog choose, even after she ran away twice. Deadpool specifically let Vanessa choose: "tell me you don't want me and I'll leave". He let Logan choose: do you walk away or do you come back? He waited to jump back in the car until Logan asked him to come hither. Show me you want me. Over and over again: romance.

He did fake being nice though: Deadpool telling Nicepool to say he's going to live while he's actively being murdered is a callback to Francis killing him over and over, telling him he'll get to go back to his life--to LIVE--when it was actually a lie and he never intended such a thing. Two different lies.

Or was it a lie, when Deadpool's lies are the truth? Francis didn't intend for him to live, and Deadpool didn't intend for Nicepool to live either: kindness is a risk, a threat. Truth in the lie. It's not his business that Nicepool didn't know the difference, just like it wasn't Francis' business that Wade didn't know the difference.

The xmen wanted them both to change: in dp2, the rules were be nice and no killing, but he couldn't do that. For Logan, they wouldn't drag him off no matter how much they wanted him, because they wanted him to do it openly. Be nice. Instead of rebuffing them, instead of hiding behind offense.

The Car Monologue

That's why Deadpool gets all breathless and speechless after Logan's OFFENSIVE rant in the car: that was a confession, it wasn't an insult. Truth in the lie: except Deadpool can tell the difference between what's a lie and what's the truth, just like Logan can. Insulting him, saying he's NOT NICE: the lie in the text to hide the subtext that he knows full well he really is.

They'd just spent a day driving: look at the timeline, Wade starts with three days and they show up at the last hour. Where did all that time go, when we only saw one night? Where were was the other day?

They spent it driving, and talking. Logan knows about Vanessa in his rant, and he could only know their history if Wade told him: he talked about everything else before asking Logan about himself, because offense is being nice, is caring. "Selfishness" to show care, because Logan DID NOT want to talk about himself. He was literally a jabbering prick as a lie to show he cared, instead of saying it.

That's another in the list of things Wade does that no one else will: be the asshole no one else will, be the asshole that's needed.

He comes off as a megalomaniacal psychotic asshole. But the real asshole is Cassandra, not him.

Logan's rant was a cover of offense over empathy: but it was actually Logan telling Wade he understood why he hated himself, because he felt the same way. Like Logan wearing the suit under his clothes because he can't let anyone know how much he missed them, how sorry he was. Like Logan not reacting to the bartender treating him badly because he can't show how much it hurts, how much he's bleeding to death. He was quite literally embarrassed to wear the suit, to be a superhero, to show he cared. And so is Wade of the red suit: bad santa to cover how much he wants to give things away.

Wade met all those other Wolverines first: they all attacked him, except two whom he walked away from.

Why did he walk away from those two?

Accurate Wolvie didn't respond to his insult at all, so that one isn't like Wade: offers no offense. Wade can't have THAT when he's so openly offensive himself. He needs the offense as a cover.

Cross Logan was up there because he openly cared. Without an excuse, without an offensive cover. Openly bleeding. He'd gone after the people who attacked the rest of the team, instead of walking away.

Just like Logan said: they can't let him know how much they care or go willingly. Not caring and walking away is the real Wolverine. The BEST Wolverine. Cross and Accurate wouldn't match Wade's crazy.

He walks away from all the other Wolvies because they didn't show they care in any way at all. They said no without saying it.

Worst Wolvie, however, does show he cares, while still maintaining offense: "you don't want this", but not outright rejecting him. He's saying yes without saying it.

Having met those other ones, Wade knows that for what it is: exactly the kind of thing Wade says. And like Wade says in greeting: "you don't know me but I know you". Gives him the drink he wants under cover of offensively threatening the bartender. Care behind offense, and Logan took the bottle.

Does Logan know it was care behind it, though? Or does he read it as pure offense?

He KNOWS, because he could have easily killed Paradox. But instead, he doesn't, and joins Wade in the trash heap: because he wants to help. He wants THIS guy. The attack attempt on Paradox was an offense, a cover for what he really wanted: Wade.

Wade says to Wolvie, "I don't want this just like you don't want this": but he KNOWS Wolvie. He knows how much every version of him wants to die. That line was really saying, I do want this, I know you need this cover, and I know you want it like this too. It was "I get you", and "I'll do it the way you like, because I'm the same way".

Let's look at that car rant: it came AFTER Wade told him he didn't know if he could save his universe, but it wasn't a careless slipup. He repeats exactly what he said, instead of denying it. Painting himself as careless is the lie to cover the truth: he was checking whether Logan was really doing this for wholly selfish reasons, if he felt coerced, or if he was there because he WANTED to be. Giving him a choice, again.

Tell me you want me: over and over. Do it again. The romance in

Look at her, I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss. Last night - you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. - Do it again!

So he told him the truth in an offensive way: hey did you know I lied? GASP how offensive! Really it was: Are you here just for you, or do you want me too? Are you here for ME? Because this "slipup" carelessness is me being here for you. Just like my annoying jabbering was for you. It's you I want, not anyone else. It was YOU I chose, like the radio says: I'm with you. Here's your excuse, saving my world, let's recommit to the truth in the lie.

Logan responds to offense with OFFENSE. "You lied to me". A cover of offense for the truth that he IS there for Wade. An excuse to fuckin' go at it, an excuse to stay. An excuse of "I'm doing it for them" when really he just wanted to a teamup with Wolvie, whatever excuse he could get for that. An excuse of "I'm doing it to fix my own world" when really he just wanted the excuse to stay.

You know what? You're a fucking joke. No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. Or the X-Men... and they'll take fuckin' anyone! I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved, jabbering little prick in my entire life. And that says a lot, because I've been alive for more than 200 fucking years. I’ll tell ya, that bald chick was right about one thing. You will never save the world. You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper. Motherfucker, I wish I could say you'll die alone, but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, except that's on all of us. You got nothin to say, MOUTH?

Like Wade's accusations of "I heard all about you, how you screwed everything up", it's a lie to cover the truth, an insult to cover the reality that it's a personal confession. You're not nice and neither am I.

The xmen will take anyone--just like strippers. Logan couldn't make it work with strippers either. He's a fucking joke. He's a sad, attention starved, prick; not jabbering aka yapping about anything and everything that doesn't matter, but silent about what does and only talking to scream at those who do--the antithesis to Wade's yapping at Logan, ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS TO WADE, to help take his mind off everything.

Logan wishes he could die alone, away from the voices that haunt him. Away from the people whose deaths haunt him. But what he really wants is to be welcome, wanted. Wade wants to live with someone he loves. They understand each other, they get it like no one else does.

This is a confession, compliment, confidence, and also thank you for Wade not making him talk about himself. Thank you for the attention he just gave him for a whole day+ driving. For trusting him, unlike how his own world refused to. Wade confessed first, and so Logan followed suit.

Wade is gobsmacked speechless because not only did he just get read to filth, it was done in exactly the way he wanted it: not nice. He can take the excuse of the insult, or he can take the excuse in the subtext. He's being given a choice, and that's what he craves. Like he gave Vanessa a choice to leave him. Choice that was taken from him when he went to Francis.

Nothing to say, Mouth?: are you going to say something or not? Are you going to tell me it was real? Give me confidence.

Logan just said he knows who Wade is, he's the same kind of crazy, and he's HERE for it. A proposal. Desire under offense.

Checking In

So why did Wade first offer up that the TVA could help him, if he was going to admit it later? Because he knew Logan couldn't say he openly wanted to hang around, he needed an excuse. The world "wasn't his fuckin problem": his real problem was needing an excuse to stay with him. So Wade gave him one: the TVA can fix your world. They actually could: it was true, and it was a lie.

It was an educated wish: the education of knowing Wolvie needed an excuse (I know you), and the wish that it's an excuse he wanted. That he wanted to say yes.

Without having to say yes. The flip of how things were with Wade and Vanessa: he was implying yes when really he was saying no without saying it.

Then instead of being just an excuse, just a wish, in the car it becomes a declaration of love. A proposal. Wishing that was wanting.

That educated wish came after Wade insulted Wolvie:

"Give me a hand up, you APE": offense to cover the truth of how much he likes him. A question: do you get off on this like I do?

An offense as an excuse to touch him. To check if he'll openly care, or if....he'll offer more offense right back. Because that's Wade's crazy, offense is what he gets off on. "Nope, I'm actually okay, thank you very much": An obvious lie, to give Logan a chance to withdraw: "Are you gonna take the excuse to back off or the excuse to fuckin go?"

Aka: pick your offense. I'm giving you the choice.

They don't openly say what they mean. So everything they say, isn't what they really mean. The offense is the point. Do you still care even if I offend you, even if I'm ugly to you? Even if I'm repulsive? Not nice? Will you still be there, in sickness because I am never decent, till death do us not part?

If you can't handle me at my worst, then your supposed kindness is a lie. So I'll offer a lie, I'll offer the worst first: I'll put my worst face forward. Do you still want me? Which excuse do you take?

Give me a hand up: that's exactly what Logan does, putting up his claws. It's fuckin foreplay! Also a consent kink.

Achievement unlocked: excuses established, your crazy matches my crazy. They both get off on being offensive. On being wanted, on being given the choice.

"I heard all about you, how you screwed up everything": SO DID WADE. That's how he greeted wolvie: I need you, my world needs you, aka everything is screwed up. I screwed it up and can't fix it, just like you did. We're the same. Neither actually wants to go back to the world they left, but they needed a cover, a lie, to stay together: we gotta save the world.

Wade carries the picture of everyone because it's his excuse for what he does. He likes them, but not like that. Because he wanted to go with the TVA when they showed up to kidnap him: he knew he could use them to get to Wolvie, whom he'd known about since he could break the fourth wall. The birthday party was not his world, he didn't want it anymore. He was wearing a toupee and without his suit: he was trying to be something he wasn't, so he took the excuse to get out of there. He knew who the strippers were. He lost the toupee.

Failure hurts less if you act like you didn't want it, if you act like you're not bleeding out because of it.

Rejection hurts less if you act like you never wanted it. If you don't tell them you care.

It hurts more when you say you want something you don't.

After Francis, he gained the ability to break the fourth wall. He's no longer the same person he was: this is when he learns about Wolvie. But he couldn't get to him, couldn't yet hop universes, so he was settling for Vanessa. At the end of dp1, the mask he put on his face? It was ostenisbly "here's a pretty face for you", "do you want this or me", but it was really Wade directing the question to himself: do I want Vanessa, or do I want the guy I know I belong with? Do I be selfless or selfish: he let Vanessa choose for him. Because he's too selfless. He wouldn't say no if someone else said yes.

If you can't say no, if you don't want it, the sacrifice isn't selfless but a crucifixion.

He knew what he really wanted, but he wouldn't hurt Vanessa to get it. It's why he left Vanessa in the first place after Francis--he just didn't SAY it, hiding under the excuse of selfish vanity. Showed instead of telling.

When the TVA told Wade that Wolvie was dead, what he heard was there was a space for one in his universe. When they told him his universe was going to end, he took that excuse to go get his man. Going after what he wants.

"I wasn't unconscious". YES HE WAS--

It wasn't a mere wish, it was a proposal. Both of them here now know they're doing it for each other. So, HA to that. A nasty HA in an ostensible fight, to cover his real amusement at the truth that they're referring to how much they want each other: do it again.

-->"SO EMBARASSING": oh my god that was HOT do it AGAIN; right away boo boo.

-->"He died from murder, you dumb fuck": oh my god that was so smart how you did that, THANK YOU.

-->Logan gargling and spitting the liquor when they're talking in the hide out? "I don't give a shit about your world": nobody in this room does, it's all for their own ends. It's all just an excuse: a true lie. They're sick of hiding, of not being who they are.

Wade had just said the group could save his world, to give them the excuse they needed for their real aim: their own egos.

He's kissing ass to get them to do what he wants: false flattery, currying favor.

Sucking up is called "apple polishing". Apple polishing, slang, is to suck nuts. Aka....gargling balls. Without swallowing; spitting; because it's false flattery.

Logan's showing Wade he knows what he's doing. And that he's getting off on it, encouraging it, by not saying anything.

"My god read the room": I know you're putting on a show here and I'm all for it, you read me to filth, keep playing along and I'll do you next.

-->"A catty bitch when I'm jealous": he's jealous that the blowjob handles came out for other people but hadn't for him. Jealousy is the excuse he's giving himself and Wolvie to hide that he's stating a desire and admiration.

What's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles?: are those strong enough for me to pull on? To withstand all the bluster and hot air that Wade's blowing him with. Wolvie doesn't object, and that's him saying YES. Just like it was in the bar: "you don't want this", not NO.

-->They only give looks of adoration when the other isn't watching, cause it hurts more if you never acknowledge it: he openly ENJOYS getting hurt in his not-white suit now, ya know? Gets off on the offense of it. Do it again. Be not nice to me.

-->"You didn't lie, you made an educated wish": You were right, I do want to stay with you, I'm here for you. I accept. Tell me again.

"You got a whole world to go back to. I got nothin, give me this." I got you, I need you to live. Give me that. Show me you understand.

"You were the best Wolverine": Logan says nothing, because if it's true, don't say it, show me. Because he won't say anything nice, he didn't say anything at all. Yes without yes. Let's fight about it, because we don't actually care about the universe, it's just an excuse for our flirting.

"You don't need to do this": safe word. I don't want this, this is too far, I can die for you and kill for you but don't make me live without you.

"I'm doing it because they do": do you want to be with me until death do us part? And not part even then? It's an echo of Wade leaving Vanessa to die: neither went after the other. He didn't want to be with her until death. "For them" is a heroic lie. Call me on it. Show me that it's not until the end of the line, but through it, do it again. Show me you're sure, that you want it all beyond life itself.

Death as romance. Like Romeo and Juliet.

....

They can be nice to other people. To the dog. But it's just not what they get off on. They don't play nice together. And in doing so, light that fuck-box on fire. Among other things. Can't have sparks without a little arson, yeah?

That's why Wade clocks Wolvie with a fire extinguisher in the reactor. To try to knock out their "fire" so that he'd not follow him. It's a callback to Human Torch being easily put out: Wolvie's fire wasn't. Instead, they actually set someone else on fire, so well she was ruined for life. The power of love!!!!

They're anti heroes. The heroism is just the excuse to cover up that it's really about enjoying the action. (The movie and the payday is just the excuse to cover up that it's about---)

This clown car can fit so much gay in it. You think you've got it all and then there's just more and more and more.