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coffeegnomee · 5 months ago

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Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3.

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not.

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting.

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame.

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed.

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened.

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore.

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me.

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces.

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now.

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much.

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it.

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day.

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2.

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days.

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server.

I needed to know.

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals.

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life.

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this.

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more.

Then we reached season 5.

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling.

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created?

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute.

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it.

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control.

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary.

And I say it again.

And again.

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine.

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine.

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine.

Ash:

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily.

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen. It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd.

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away.

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more.

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving.

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen.

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature.

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of?

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave.

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely.

So that threat is the worst.

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month.

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server.

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots.

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story.

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger.

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol.

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern.

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server.

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server.

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale.

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction.

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking.

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still?

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will.

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it.

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!

#lifesteal smp #dream smp #technoblade #OCD #mental health

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draftsandchains · 7 months ago

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for the character ask game: 2+3 for clown, 12 for minute, and 24 for branzy? - mech

clown

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

fools u have now initiated unskippable cut scene.

listen he’s evil he’s theatrical he’s masked he’s a silly lil guy he’s wholesome he’s into manipulation he meets zam for the first time and immediately engages in bdsm roleplay with him he can never have a normal relationship with anyone ever he’s just like me fr he’s a problematic evil gay not a wholesome gay he’s my favourite trope he’s so autistic about minecraft he’s into violence he’s just like me fr he [op is forcibly dragged off stage]

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

european /j

minute

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

this is more of a general crack mcyt hc i hv about every mcyt skin that has herobrine eyes which is that there’s a mc equivalent blue eyed party gram gram that gone done it with herobrine and now we have all these descendants scattered in the mcyt multiverse that are all distantly related through one common ancestor.

branzy

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

r. roy [gunshot]

#op is shaking with the effort not to give an analysis of clown throughout three seasons #op also has a bunch of clown doodles im shy to share lol #sorry i dissapeared for a while had a mental health Event #lifesteal smp #clownpierce #minutetech #branzycraft

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waffliesinyoface · 8 months ago

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Sakuna: of Rice and Ruin further observations: its very funny to me that the game goes from "you are being menaced by bunny rabbits" and then after about 4? 5? harvests? the difficulty curve gets snapped in half as Sakuna's latent war goddess blood awakens and you just become a walking storm of death.

It kinda reminds me of Sekiro, and not just because of the whole "Feudal Japan With Demons" thing, but because the game starts out kicking your shit in, but then when you unlock the lifesteal ability and one or two really good combat arts, it becomes very unlikely that anything can pose a threat to you outside of boss fights.

in other news, i just got the "Broomstick Awakening" spirit bough and i love that the game has a joke weapon which can also become the Infinity +1 sword. Its current damage output is 150% of my second strongest, and it'll just keep growing indefinitely.

#me: wow lifesteal only recovers 3% health per enemy at the start? laame #me: *kills an entire crowd of small fry in one slice like a goddamn dynasty warriors protagonist*#my health bar: *shoots back up 30%*#me: oh fuck lmao #sakuna: of rice and ruin

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health-and-beautys-posts · 11 months ago

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Olive oil has a magical effect on the skin, in addition to its well-known health benefits Olive oil has the ability to moisturize the skin, relieve congestion, and be used for exfoliation, if combined with another ingredient such as brown sugar

Make sure to constantly use olive oil, even once a week. To get fresh and moisturized skin, then rinse with lukewarm water

#Olive oi #skin care masks #moisturize the skin #ingredient #skin #skin care ; health; beauty ; makeup ;skin exfoliation ; skin ; health&beauty ;maintaining the skin while sleeping ;masks and healthy lifest #natural skin

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felassan · 5 months ago

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Dragon Age: The Veilguard - class specializations are now all known !

Warrior - Champion, Reaper, Slayer

Rogue - Duelist, Saboteur, Veil Ranger

Mage - Death Caller, Evoker, Spellblade

[source]

Adding these details that have emerged from various sources before:

For mages, Death Caller sounds like [?] the "necromancer"-type one, Evoker sounds like [?] the "elemental" one, and Spellblade sounds like the one that is "more like a combat mage".

For rogues, Saboteur is trap-focused, Veil Ranger is ranged focused, and Duelist is a movement-focused class which centers a lot on dodges and parries. Duelist gameplay involves a sharp combination of dashes, parries, leaps, rapid slashes and combos.

For warriors - Reaper has lifesteal/stealing health from enemies, and other freaky powers, it does big damage; Slayer can wield the biggest blade, it has big swords, does big damage; and Champion is tanky, shield-using and paladin-like.

#dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games

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jobkash · 2 months ago

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Psychologist- Competitive Pay

At LifeStance Health, we believe in a truly healthy society where mental and physical healthcare are unified to make lives better. Our mission is to help people lead healthier, more fulfilling lives by improving access to trusted, affordable, and personalized mental healthcare. Everywhere. Every day. It’s a lofty goal; we know. But we make it happen with the best team in behavioral health.Thank…

#LifeStance Health

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kleopatra45 · 3 months ago

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Jupiter in the Houses [Solar Return]

1st House

This year, your sense of self expands, boosting your confidence and personal magnetism. You may feel more adventurous and willing to take risks, attracting opportunities for personal growth, travel, and new experiences. People are drawn to your positive energy, making it a great time for networking and forming beneficial relationships.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You may need to turn inward to reassess your beliefs and values. This introspection could lead to significant personal revelations, helping you realign with your true purpose. It’s a time to focus on personal growth from within, rather than seeking external validation.

2nd House

Financial abundance and material growth are highlighted this year. You may experience an increase in income or acquire valuable possessions, leading to greater financial security. This is an excellent time to invest or expand your resources.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might need to reevaluate your approach to money and possessions. Are you placing too much importance on material wealth? This period encourages a shift in perspective, focusing more on what truly brings you security and fulfillment, beyond just financial gain.

3rd House

This year enhances your communication skills, making it a great time for learning, teaching, writing, or speaking. You’ll feel more curious and eager to expand your knowledge, so take advantage of new learning opportunities. Short trips, networking, and connections with siblings or neighbors are emphasized, bringing growth through your immediate environment.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You may need to revisit past conversations, ideas, or learning experiences. This is a time for deep reflection on how you communicate and connect with others. Are there outdated beliefs or communication patterns that need to be revised? Retrograde Jupiter invites you to refine your thoughts and how you express them.

4th House

Home and family life take center stage this year, with a focus on expanding your living situation or enhancing your sense of security. You may consider moving to a larger home, renovating, or deepening your family bonds. Emotional growth is also a key theme, encouraging you to nurture yourself and your loved ones.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might need to revisit your roots or past family dynamics. This period can bring up old issues that require healing and resolution. It’s a time for introspection about your home life, asking whether your current environment truly supports your growth. Retrograde Jupiter encourages you to create a deeper emotional foundation.

5th House

Creativity, romance, and self-expression are emphasized this year. You may feel more playful and eager to explore new hobbies, artistic endeavors, or romantic relationships. This is a time for enjoying life’s pleasures and taking risks in matters of the heart.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might find yourself rethinking your creative projects or romantic relationships. This period encourages you to delve deeper into what brings you joy and how you express yourself. Are you truly following your passions, or are there aspects of your life that need to be realigned with your authentic desires? Retrograde Jupiter in the 5th house calls for an introspective look at what makes you happy and fulfilled.

6th House

This year, there is a strong focus on health, daily routines, and work. You may find new opportunities for growth in your job, possibly leading to an increased workload but also greater rewards. This is an excellent time to improve your health through better habits and to find joy in your daily tasks. Helping others or working in service-oriented roles can bring fulfillment.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You may need to reassess your approach to work and health. Are your daily routines truly serving your well-being, or are they leading to burnout? This period encourages you to reflect on how you can create a more balanced and sustainable lifestyle. Retrograde Jupiter may also bring up unresolved issues related to your job or health, prompting you to make necessary adjustments.

7th House

Relationships and partnerships are a key theme this year. You may experience growth and expansion in your personal or business relationships, leading to new commitments or collaborations. This is a favorable time for forming beneficial alliances and enhancing your connection with others. There is a focus on mutual support, understanding, and shared goals.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might need to revisit past relationships or unresolved issues within current partnerships. This period encourages deep reflection on how you relate to others. Are your relationships based on genuine connection and growth, or are there imbalances that need to be addressed? Retrograde Jupiter in the 7th house invites you to refine your approach to partnerships, ensuring they align with your higher values.

8th House

Transformation, shared resources, and deep psychological growth are emphasized this year. You may experience significant changes related to finances, such as investments, inheritances, or joint ventures. This is also a time for profound inner growth, exploring the deeper aspects of your psyche and undergoing personal transformation.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You may need to revisit issues related to shared resources or personal transformation. This period can bring up unresolved fears, insecurities, or power dynamics that require healing. Retrograde Jupiter in the 8th house encourages you to delve deep into your subconscious, releasing old patterns and embracing a more empowered and authentic self.

9th House

This year, your horizons are broadened through travel, higher education, or spiritual pursuits. You may feel a strong desire to explore new cultures, philosophies, or belief systems. This is an excellent time for academic or spiritual growth, as well as expanding your worldview. Opportunities for long-distance travel or learning new languages may arise.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might need to reassess your beliefs, philosophies, or long-term goals. This period encourages you to reflect on your spiritual or educational journey. Are you truly aligned with your higher purpose, or are there outdated beliefs holding you back? Retrograde Jupiter in the 9th house invites you to deepen your understanding and realign with your true values.

10th House

Career advancement and public recognition are key themes this year. You may find opportunities for growth in your professional life, leading to promotions, awards, or a higher social status. This is a time to focus on your long-term goals and to take steps toward achieving them. Your reputation and public image are likely to improve, attracting positive attention and support.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might need to reevaluate your career goals or public image. This period encourages introspection about your professional path. Are you truly fulfilled by your current career, or is it time for a change? Retrograde Jupiter in the 10th house asks you to consider whether your ambitions align with your deeper values and long-term vision.

11th House

Social connections, friendships, and group activities are highlighted this year. You may find yourself expanding your network, joining new groups, or becoming more involved in community activities. This is an excellent time for collaboration and working toward shared goals. Your hopes and dreams for the future are likely to be supported by others.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You might need to reassess your social connections or involvement in group activities. This period encourages you to reflect on whether your current social circle and collaborations are truly supportive of your goals. Retrograde Jupiter in the 11th house invites you to refine your vision for the future and ensure that your friendships and alliances align with your higher purpose.

12th House

This year, there is a focus on spiritual growth, introspection, and healing. You may feel drawn to retreat from the outer world, seeking solitude and inner peace. This is a time for deep self-reflection, meditation, and exploring the subconscious mind. Spiritual practices and charitable work can bring fulfillment and a sense of purpose.

If Jupiter is retrograde: You may need to confront unresolved issues from the past or hidden fears that have been holding you back. This period encourages deep inner work and healing, helping you release old patterns and embrace a more spiritual and compassionate approach to life. Retrograde Jupiter in the 12th house invites you to reconnect with your inner self, finding wisdom and guidance from within.

#astrology #astrology community #astroblr #astrology observations #astro notes #astrology tumblr #astrology readings #houses in astrology #astro community #solar return notes #solar return chart #solar return #jupiter in the houses #jupiter

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myrmica · 8 months ago

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mer my dear mutual mer i would like to ask you how do i get into lifesteal

HELLO FARLANDS!! you've come to the right place. Step into my office.

this is an interesting question with a variety of different answers. a lot of the time people seem to direct you towards videos rather than stream vods, which does makes sense, because they're more accessible and the barrier to entry is definitely less daunting.

but lifesteal videos aren't episodic, they're designed for a viewer to be able to jump in with little to no context at any moment. they throw a lot of information at you fast as hell, and events spanning hours and hours of footage are condensed down in ways where most of the meat gets cut off. i have a hard time absorbing information from or remembering what happens in lifesteal videos because of the editing styles... i don't claim that this isn't in large part a taste thing, but in videos you miss the complicated character moments, and the sense of pacing/chronology, and all of the things that happen that don't translate well to video logic. and you don't get to see (as much of) the dimension of things where the fact that everyone is trying to make videos can be character and story relevant information. all of these things are what make lifesteal season 4 my favorite minecraft roleplay ever in the world. i guess i would say that i do like lifesteal videos, but mostly in relation to the livestreams.

all of which means that while pretty much any lifesteal video ever produced can make for a perfectly serviceable starting point, it doesn't really get you any of the things about lifesteal --i-- care about. and you're asking ME. So.

what is the deal with lifesteal in general?

you probably know at least some of this already, but for the sake of the thing:

lifesteal is a server based around a mechanic where, upon killing someone, you gain one of the hearts off of their health bar up to a maximum of 20. if you lose all of your hearts you're banned, but this is temporary and players can be revived. it's also a server where you're free to steal and destroy builds to your heart's content, and people toy with breaking the rules they do have often. so it naturally follows that lifestealers are generally interested in pvp, and have a social system where the most important relationships are your teammates, who come before basically anything else. lifesteal IS roleplay but it isn't scripted, and what they mean by unscripted is that the outcomes of a conflict can't be predetermined, because that would defeat the point—if something goes wrong, it goes wrong. (and hopefully, it goes right for somebody else.)

why season 4?

short answer, because it's the one that has the guys i care about in the situations i care about. the long answer is at 9k words and not even close to done yet so you're gonna have to wait a bit on that one.

the medium answer: while you could go back and watch through season 3 in detail, or try to just start watching season 5 and keep up with stuff live as it happens, that's not what i did. i have it on good authority that the mer guide to lifesteal season 4 works, because i did that, and also because my friend whose initial reaction to lifesteal was "wow this subz guy is loud..." and then radio silence for months has since sat through 30 hours of princezam building stream of his own free will. see review below:

lifesteal can be sort of an acquired taste. i think a lot of the time it either clicks for you or it doesn't, or you have to see the right thing and then suddenly the appeal starts making sense.

luckily, the aftermath of zam betraying mapicc & ro in season 4 tends to have this effect on people, and it's a good jumping in point! i didn't actually start watching season 4 chronologically, i started by bouncing around the last couple weeks of the season and quickly discovering that it was bonkers fucking crazy and i needed to know more about this "eclipse federation" thing... so i don't really think knowing how it ends makes it less fun to watch, and if you wanted to just poke around at random and see what's up i wouldn't stop you. i went back and sat through everything between that aforementioned betrayal and the end of season 4 chronologically after i already knew how things ended up and it's thoroughly enjoyable that way. maybe even better than the alternative, because you're less likely to get caught up in how frustrating some of it can be. but if you would rather know as little as possible going in you can definitely give it a shot, and i do think there are parts that are probably even more fun if you don't know what's coming.

how do i do that though?

and here is my gift to you. when i watched through season 4 all i had to go off of was the vod archive spreadsheet, which is great & wonderful & awesome & the best thing ever, but it does kinda just have you clicking links blindfolded if you don't already know what's going on.

so eventually i started keeping track of vods as i watched, in a google doc. it has clips and/or timestamps and summaries for basically every vod in the second half of season 4. it's a little embarrassing because it records a bunch of my initial reactions to stuff but c'est la vie. it's also 85 pages long (it was 105! i edited my notes down!), but again you can jump around to get a lay of the land if you want, and how much stuff you skip is completely at your own discretion. have at it.

#m #lifesteal #lifesteal smp #lssmp #asks

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endrinstone · 1 year ago

Text

Would you like to watch the Showtime SMP?

[ID: The Showtime SMP logo. It features the name spelled out in a shiny blocky font, coloured gold and purple. End ID.]

[Last updated: 13. 7. 2024 (kinda)]

What is the Showtime SMP, anyway?

It's an ongoing (mostly) vanilla SMP with a focus on storytelling, started by Zolister on June 9th 2023. It's filled with serious (and often quite dark) plot lines, but still features a good deal of improv and goofing around. Vibes wise, it's somewhere between Kaboodle SMP, Lifesteal and DSMP.

It doesn't have a "gimmick", but over time it developed worldbuilding involving gods, multiversal travel, intertwining with the 4th wall, and "The Narrative".

It's loosely a second season of the Sussy SMP (silly name, but a good server). Although some members incorporate it into their character's backstory, you don't have to watch the previous SMP in order understand the current story.

How do I watch it?

The story is told through livestreams, there are only a couple of videos. (There are also some in-character social media accounts, those are fun.) To get into the lore, I highly recommend this spreadsheet by @/enderteegs!!!! If you’d like to start with only one pov, in my opinion the best pick is kantje, or alternatively ViolettaFire, BobaBear, or Zolister. Other resources:

Masterlist document by @/enderteegs, all the links you could ever need.

Vod archive spreadsheet by @/meep_linger and co, an archive of all preserved vods.

Official twitter account, useful for updates, follows the current members.

The wiki, a wip, but helpful (I hope).

Lore summary document by @/STFanLoreDocon, a wip, but helpful.

Content warnings

I can’t guarantee this is comprehensive. I do warn that the heavy themes are occasionally handled somewhat clumsily in my opinion, mostly in the early days of the server:

Abuse, addiction, cannibalism, child endangerment, grief, horror themes, manipulation, mental health issues, suicide, unreality, violence, vomit.

Members:

THIS PART IS OUT OF DATE ;-; It's missing some people, and some of these character descriptions aren't up to my standards anymore. I might go through and update this one day, but I recommend checking out some of the other resources I linked.

This isn’t everyone who’s ever been on the server (that’s 50+ people). A few of the people listed here are no longer active. Additionally, some don't stream their povs, prefering to appear in others' streams.

BobaBear: An interstellar traveler who experienced eons during her explorations. Despite everything that happens, they remain kindhearted, and always willing to give a helping hand. (twitch, vods)

ClaryeOryx: He’s a nice, fairly normal person who stays more at the sidelines. Still sometimes gets dragged into people’s conflicts. (twitter, not a streamer)

ComplexlyRoss: A mischief maker who operates under cartoon character logic. They have a fondness for pranks, and a disdain for wearing armour. Joined August 2023. (streams on yt, video)

CrimsonBtw: Arrived to the server traumatised after having just experienced a world getting destroyed (the Lifesteal wormhole event, but don't worry if you haven't watched that). Joined August 2023. (twitch, vods, yt)

Crumpets: Cynical, deadpan bar owner. He isn’t too fond of this strange world he was sent to, but he is fond of the money that he can make here. Joined December 2023. (twitch)

Cupid Goozeless: Star has a lot of responsibility on star’s shoulders: he’s a leader, a medic and a father. He worries over others, and if he’s doing a good enough job protecting them. (twitch, yt)

Div_y: Uncovers a recipe for memory-erasing potions. He makes them for those who share his struggle with nightmares and trauma, but not everyone has as good of intentions as he does. Joined July 2023. (yt, 2nd yt, videos: 1, 2)

Effy: A magical creation of wood and wire, they’re one of the wittiest members without even needing to speak. While they may hide behind quips and confidence, they care a whole lot about their friends. (twitter, not a streamer)

EvanIsLoco: Scientist studying interdimensional travel. He develops a possesion problem after an accident in an ancient city, leading to newfound aggression. (twitch)

Geoful: Shapeshifter made out of blue goop. His silliness only makes it hit harder when he drops angst on you. (twitch)

IDKnows: Made of flowers, and would be more than happy to rip himself appart if it meant making everyone else happy. Sometimes naive, and others take advantage of that. Joined July 2023 (twitch, yt)

its_kantje: He’s god’s favourite plaything, and he will stop at nothing to get his beloved daughter back from Him. Starts out with a reputation for great business skills, and a knack for conflict resolution. (twitch, vods, yt. I especially reccomend the ‘Split Apart’ streams)

ItsLilKae: The organiser of the server’s elections. But don’t let her fool you: she isn’t a spearhead of democracy, but a conspirator plotting to achieve absolute power. (twitch, yt)

ivorycello: Ruthless murderer of murderers. With her, the road to tyranny is paved with good intentions, and with pink flowers. (streams on yt, videos 1, 2, playlist)

Merffin: Loose cannon who’ll kill at the slightest provocation. A leader of the Silencers, a group who’ll murder anyone that has the silence trim. (yt, twitch)

Mika FLapp0: After a long time of watching without being able to properly interact with the world, they gained a corporal form via a failed devil summoning. Joined December 2023. (twitter)

Mugm: Aloof and angry. The only thing that will get him to throw hands quicker than hurting his pride is hurting his family. (yt, twitch)

PheeaBea: Headstrong ex-prisoner who doesn’t like rules getting in the way of their curiosity. Has the the abilities and limitations of fae. Joined December 2023. (twitch, yt)

Porgie: Lived through an apocalyptic alternate timeline. This led to a desperation to prevent disaster, and to somehow try and deal with the pain and scars of the past. (twitch, yt)

Quakitus: Has been through horrible things, and in turn has done horrible things, notably cannibalism. Healing is a rough journey for her. (twitch, vods, yt)

Rasplin: Loves a good fight, and loves having high status items. He's quite intimidating, but even he isn't completely heartless. (streams on yt, videos: 1, 2)

rinthehecker: Despite her loyalty, trusting others is hard for her, considering all the betrayal she faced, and her mysterious sleepwalking problem. As a dragon, they sometimes find themself homesick for the End. (twitch, yt)

Rylanets: Has green hair, fairy wings, and flighting skills. Not much of a leader, but he’s always a steadfast teammate. (twitch)

Saturn_720: Still figuring out his place in this world. It’s a difficult task, but running a restaurant and caring for a niece makes it more fun. Joined December 2023. (twitch, yt)

Silvaasaur: Mugm’s brother, known as the kinder, more emotional one of the two. He’s still just as deadly with a sword. (twitch, yt)

StarbornNebula: Grief sparked a burning desire for vengeance in her. She’ll be satisfied with nothing less than seeing the murderer of her friend die by her hands— but revenge is rarely as sweet as one would hope. (twitch, yt, video)

Strobelati: A cheery cloud person who’d never hurt anyone— at first. She feels emotions very strongly, whether it’s love, despair, or rage. (twitch, yt, video, vods)

TrashyPandius: The local assassin for hire, who happens to be a raccoon. He carries out his hits with an edgy but nonchalant attitude; murder is just business to him, no hard feelings. (twitch)

ViolettaFire: The server's therapist who could really use some therapy himself after everything he's been through. Xe's a pacifist, but don't mistake xyr kindness for weakness. (twitch, yt)

Winsweep: He’s sick of all the egotistical fools around him, and he doesn’t take issue with spilling blood for the sake of solving that. But is this truly him, or is it his mask that’s doing the talking? (twitch, yt)

Xpyz: A set of three semi-immortal beings: the first is gentle, anxious, and just wants her mom back, the second revels in others’ pain, and the third remains a mystery. (twitch, vods)

Zolister: Willing to play the role of a hero or a villain, depending on what he thinks will benefit the community. Solves issues with violence, and by sacrificing their own happiness. (streams on twitch and yt, vods, videos: 1, 2)

ZombieDwarf: There’s two of him: one is a robot who wants to see chaos in the world, and the other is said robot’s creator. Both cannot co-exist in the same place, so they have to decide which one of them will stay. (twitch, vods, yt, video)

#edit: half-updated it but the members list isn't up to date #showtime smp #mcyt #zolister #ivorycello #rasplin #endrin’s posts #i really hope i did all the characters justice. at least as much as is possible in 2 sentences w/ minimal spoilers

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