#Let me clarify so there are no more misunderstandings ok?

[ghurab-alzilal]

Nobody ≠ Nobody

Damian, sighing deeply : Nobody loves me.

Raven: What?

Damian: I said nobody loves me.

Raven: Should I be worried?

Damian: Not really. I just wanted to vent.

Raven, visibly upset : Don't worry, I take care of this... *leaves *

*Some days later at Metropolis Academy *

Maya Ducard, tackling Damian down : May I know why your girlfriend thinks I'm flirting with you?!

@damiraedemonbirds

[jupiterjelliez]

posting this to tumblr too but nobody gaf so

The issue(s) with the Sun and Moon ‘fandom’, under the cut (i encourage you to add your own horror story regarding any topic about this)

- The sexualization 🔞

I would argue that the sexualization of these two are *almost* to the same level Toy Chica is and im so tired of it. Because of the overwhelming amount of it. You cannot search up their names without something suggestive popping up, on any platform. I fear that im looked as one of the people that sexualize them to high heaven because of the overwhelming amount of fans that do. and theres alot of people who are uncomfortable with it period and cannot get away from it. because of them we ALL look like gooners. thats not even mentioning the amount of nsfw accounts ive had to block ever since i started posting them more consistently. and they were all dca centered. its gross and it just uncomfortable. a heavy part of the issue is also the abundance of vrchat models of them. most, if not ALL are sexualized in some way. ive seen so many with higher proportions, ripped to have ‘assets’ added, for fucks sake someone enabled one of those assests in front of CHILDREN in a public lobby. makes the character unappealing too with how everyone sees him

- The sun and moon show fandom 📺

I think the first red flag was it being made only 3 months after Security Breach first released. Im not gonna get into its personal drama as i truly just dgaf but this isnt about that. Its how its affected the characters so lets start. The show gets their characters COMPLETELY wrong, its just oc’s with the name plastered on it. And the amount of stupid characters are introduced makes it hard to make custom designs and search up certain ones, such as jack o moon. The show has caused a complete misunderstanding of their character, some starting to believe that is just the undeniable canon. ive seen people get harassed over “hey this is incest” on a sunxmoon post. when its not. Ive also had my friends who do impressions be harassed to do these characters that they dont know. and have had friends who draw needing to clarify it isnt tsams. or to draw it. its obnoxious. not to mention its crawling with creeps and an unsafe enviorment for kids. i was sent death threats trying to expose those creeps that still walk away scott free today. which irritates me. also the show just sucks lol its just content farm slop? stop hyping it up? its been two years with daily nonstop.

-Watering them down 💧

ok. im not gonna name names. but 90% of fan models have ruined peoples perception of how they are designed flawlessly. and the over abundance of these models have also inbred even worse ones. i honest to god think these models started some of the biggest stereotypes when it comes to the fanart. the sharp teeth, the long hat, the petals, the claws, the paws, all things that originated from the models. makes me upset because it gets to a point where all these attributes make the design stray farther and farther from what they originally are (along with the personalities deteriorating) makes them completely different people. i have a mutual that has taken these and made their own oc based off of it and its awesome.

im too tired to continue but you get my point. i hate the way theyre treated and i dont associate with anyone who does the above. theyre underrated characters, but their fanon interpretations are overrated. they dont deserve half the shit they recieve. good day

[hexxingcode]

What happens with peppermint after Ivory is arrested and also declared an enemy? I can imagine it must be quite a shock

Maybe a bit of denial first? As in she believes it's just a misunderstanding and they got the wrong pokemon. Then I imagine feeling betrayed and angry would come next? She discovers Ivory was lying about the amnesia, that he was the one to actually steal the first time gear, and that he was a human on top of that. How could she trust him now? What else was he hiding from her? Did he just use her to achieve his goals? How much of their friendship was real?

Also why did peppermint get taken to the future as well if she wasn't the guilty one?

Sorry for the rambling, I just thought the concept and possible consequences of the human remembering everything and siding with grovyle having so much potential

I've been really enjoying your Pmd au lore, and art as well

glad youre having fun with it, i care about team celerity a lot. very important to me specifically. ok so before i discuss the peppymint angle let me clarify:

ok lets continue. so

Peppermint has always known that something was Off with ivory. the way ivory was shifty and never trusted anybody and the ways she'd eat and move, all showed signs of a troubled past. but they didn't know what this past was. they hoped time with them in the guild would eventually settle ivory's nerves, but she only seemed to get more stressed as time went on, culminating in getting even worse during the expedition.

with her increasing erratic behavior leading up to their parking in the first lake, peppermint grew worried that ivory had a past that would catch up to her, that something bad had happened to her, and they were tired of not knowing about any of it, as they desperately tried to ask her what was wrong and what they could do to help

this led to ivory deciding that she wouldn't tell peppermint what the situation Was, and making it clear that she Couldnt, which peppermint respected, but allowing her to help anyway in very vague ways. ivory stressed that she was dealing with an incredibly stressful scenario and that she's completely certain she's making the right calls, even if its dangerous and she cant talk about it, because it'll lead to all these lives being saved in the end, so peppermint trusts her.

during the actual arrest of grovyle and ivory, peppermint can tell something is Wrong, and she visibly reacts this way. she doesn't want to believe that ivory is trying to end the world or anything of the sort, but she also wants to deny that dusknoir would be doing something like this for some nefarious gain. her internal conflict leaves dusknoir uncertain, and he believes that ivory has already clued them in and that they may put his plans into jeopardy as well, taking up their task of collecting the time gears, so he elects not to let that slide and takes her into the future with them, just to be safe.

after they escape execution, peppermint is deeply wounded that ivory would hide something like this from her, and is conflicted about all the lying, and stresses that getting the guild involved and telling everyone about it would have made this a much more fixable problem that'd have prepared them for all these situations, instead of them going on various kinds of wild goose chase while ivory tries to complete her mission alone.

she does believe that ivory is very genuine when she's honest, but is mad that she'd so frequently choose to lie or slowly shuffle her way out of telling the full truth. they express this very clearly and are actually quite mad for most of the trip, but they come to understand these circumstances after seeing what the future is really like. the small, struggling communities, the mistrust and violence, the lack of resources, the hopelessness. ivory's behaviors slowly slot into place in peppermint's mind as they learn about the world she knows, and while they don't outright forgive ivory, and clarifies that she'll probably be mad for a while longer, but that she's willing to move past it if ivory helps fix this big mess the upfront honest way, which ivory begrudgingly agrees to, that being why they finally end up getting the guild involved.

through peppymint's vouch, ivory is vaguely forgiven by the guild and they agree to help save the world! yippee.

[finniestoncrane]

Your One True Nemesis

Chapter 37: also on AO3 Masterlist Here Arkham!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 2k hello i will never stop writing misunderstandings where it could be solved if either of these idiots were capable of just saying how they feel💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: minor angst here!!

“I have a surprise for you.”

You knew each of those words, but they still confused you, considering they were coming out of Eddie’s mouth. Eddie, who liked to plan and prepare, who had no notion of the unexpected because he was always ten steps ahead of everyone else on the planet. Eddie, who was the furthest thing from romantic or playful, as far as you knew (and you felt you knew him quite well by now). Eddie, who up until now had been perfect as he was, most of the time, but was now adding a new layer to himself that intrigued you.

“A surprise?”

“Yes. I did just say that, didn’t I? Is there an echo in here? Have you gone deaf?”

Rolling your eyes at his cruel sarcasm, you clarified.

“Usually, when people say that, they’re asking for you to offer them some more information, or they’re shocked by the suggestion that there’s a surprise for them.”

“Well, my dear, which is it? And why wouldn’t you just say that.”

You could hardly argue with his logic, so you indulged.

“Ok then. What is the surprise?”

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?”

This felt more like Eddie. Back to the familiarity of the affectionate frustration. He filled the silence by providing you with a little bit more information, sensing that he had to offer something given that his attitude had slipped. Providing you with a smile and at least some sort of indication about what was happening that night seemed like enough of an apology.

“Let’s call it a date. One of my signature weird ones. Will you make sure to be ready to leave at midnight?”

You smiled at him, an eyebrow raised in a silent and unspoken question, nodding your head in agreement with his plans as he turned and left, in more of a hurry than he usually was to get away from you. 

A date. 

A date could mean anything, especially with Edward. You were excited by the prospect, the thought that he might have put into planning something in secrecy. Sinking into the sofa, you considered why it needed to be a surprise at all. Immediately, your mind rushed to the most unlikely of scenarios. 

Maybe he was going to express his emotions, properly, and fully. 

A date.

Somewhere different, somewhere, potentially, romantic. Where he might tell you how much he cared for you. How much he even… 

It felt so unlikely, you thought, because you couldn’t even let yourself imagine him saying it to you. It was ridiculous, the notion that he might be planning on telling you he loved you. A big gesture, a confession that would make your heart skip a beat. Despite that, you could feel your hopes getting set up for what you knew would be a disappointment. Yet, you managed to avoid pestering him about it all day. You were sure, however, that he could feel your eyes boring into the back of his head as you stared at him, trying to coax even just a hint out of him psychically. In fact, you had been so focused on figuring it out that he had caught you in a moment of concentration that night, shocking you out of your trance.

“Ready?”

“Ready? For?”

“I asked you to be ready. For your surprise.”

The time seemed to have flown by, regardless of how slow it seemed to have been to you earlier in the day.

“Oh! Yes, yes I’m ready. I’ve been ready all day.”

“Are you sure?”

He looked you up and down taking in the outfit you were wearing. It wasn’t exactly smart, it was just the clothes you usually wore to do work. You hadn’t really thought he might be taking you somewhere nice. You’d imagined this as more of an abandoned trainyard sort of surprise. 

“Is… this not appropriate? You didn’t say where we were going, so I didn’t think-”

“No, it’s fine. Please, let’s just go.”

Entirely silent during the car journey, Eddie remained quiet when you questioned him upon arrival at your destination.

“The Orphanage? Abandoned orphanage? This is the surprise?”

You were pissed at his judgement of your outfit. What difference did it make if he was bringing you here, to an abandoned, creepy building. He only looked back briefly, offering a strange smile before turning and heading inside the building, unlocking it with a large, rusted key. Something in his knowing grin, sleek and sinister, like he was about to wow you, made your heart giddy. As you rushed to catch up with him, your imagination ran wild. What was waiting for you inside? Candles? Hundreds of them? Or neon lights? A space decorated in true Eddie fashion, as romantic as he could muster. But what for? A special announcement? Maybe…

Absolutely not. 

You couldn’t.

He wouldn’t.

Whatever question you had briefly, for the smallest of nano seconds, allowed the idea of to slip over your apparently smooth brain was not going to be asked. Eddie wasn’t that kind of… You weren’t even sure that you were the kind who would…

“Hurry up then!”

Eddie turned to you as you hovered near the front entrance, staring at you down the short hallway to another set of double doors he was holding open just a crack. His quick, snapping voice was enough to convince you that this wasn’t going to be the romantic surprise you had hoped for, but you hurried to catch up with him regardless. It was still Eddie. He was still trying to surprise you. So you were still excited. But it all fell apart when you reached the door and he opened it wide. 

The large hall was scattered with debris, plant life growing on the walls which were covered in Eddie’s signature spray paint graffiti and notes, and gadgets, tools, and shards of metal lined the square floor. 

“Tah-dah!”

Eddie spread his arm out wide, displaying the room to you with an excited and smug grin. You weren’t quite sure how to respond, and your silence was enough to deflate him to the point of irritation.

“Well! Aren’t you going to say anything? Congratulate me? Faint in surprise and wonder?”

“I would… if I knew what I was looking at.”

Bringing his fingers to his face, he tensed them on the bridge of his nose, taking in a deep breath to control his imminent rage before he spoke to you.

“This is it. My masterpiece. The finale! My greatest work!” 

You took another long slow glance around the room, wondering what it was going to amount to, if anything, when he had finished working on it. And not willing to waste any more time waiting on you to congratulate him or to see the point, Eddie continued, offering a slow and patronising explanation which droned on and on. By the time he had finished, you had barely registered and had to quickly offer him something as he stood staring at you expectantly.

“It’s definitely… definitely… uh…”

“This is where I will defeat Batman. This is where I will entrap his feline frienemy, as you may put it, to lure that sentimentally burdened oaf into my web of danger. And you have nothing to say!?”

While you knew how important his ultimately futile attempts were, you couldn’t help but wonder if he had thought about anything beyond them. And though it really didn’t feel like the right time to ask, your words were passing over your lips before you could stop them.

“Eddie… do you ever think about the future?”

“Yes, obviously. I’m consistently at least four and a half steps ahead of everyone else, and it would be more if we weren;t tied down by chance and random opportunity.”

“What do you… plan for?”

“I plan to capture Batman. I plan to watch him die. I plan to be the most revered man in the world.”

“Yeah, but… other than that, what do you see?”

Eddie paused for a moment, clearly stumped by your line of questioning, but refusing to admit as much. He always had the answer, or at least he always pretended to, even if it was just buying himself some time.

“I see my legacy. I see-”

“Eddie, look where we are.”

Another brief second of consideration as his eyes passed over the surroundings. Children’s toys, rusted and broken, childish scribbles next to his own.

“I… children? As in, my own… chil-”

“Oh, god no! I just meant that this is a lot of effort you’ve put into one aspect of your entire being, one part of your masterplan. What do you do after this? And…”

You considered the vulnerability that your next question came with, the devastation it could cause, but you committed to it.

“... who are you doing it with?”

For the first time in his life, Edward felt truly stumped. His entire relationship with you, while it had always been a source of confusion, had always been fraught with his terrified self-awareness, the fact that he knew he cared about you deeply, even if he couldn’t face that answer immediately. But this? This was a question without an answer. One he hadn’t considered yet, because it might be the only thing he had never quite been secure about. So, disappointingly, his answer had to be truthful.

“I don’t know.”

Of course, Eddie had only been answering in response to the first part of your query. He felt it was a certainty that whatever he was intending to do next would include you, if you would join him, of course. But he neglected to express that much. So, as you watched him face up to the foggy, uncertainty of his future, you could only assume that he wasn’t sure how long he might let you stick around. 

“Well, this hasn’t quite been the great reveal I hoped it would be.”

Disheartened, obviously so, Eddie reached a hand out and placed it on your shoulder as he let his statement linger in the stale air.

“Perhaps an abandoned orphanage isn’t the romantic date location I thought it might be.”

You laughed, trying to force a smile onto your face. However long you might have left with Eddie, you were determined to let it be positive. 

“You stick to a theme, Eddie. I have to give you credit for that.”

Eddie was grateful for your smile, for the way you were willing to let some of his misdeeds go ignored, or at least placed to the side for the moment. Both of you were compromising, letting yourselves be happy instead of tense and on edge. He might be unsure about everything else in life, but he was steadfast in his determination to keep you by his side, and if that meant letting you be disappointed in him, or allow you to get away with not giving his grand ideas the recognition and praise they deserved, then so be it. You were worth the vain on his forehead protruding slightly as he held what he would secretly admit to be pointless anger inside. And in a show of “no hurt feelings”, he moved his hand to your other shoulder, pulling you closer to him, into his side, as he spoke.

“Would a detour to the drive thru of Bat Burger on the way home make it any better?”

“And I get to decide on the movie we watch?”

He sighed, furrowing his brows. He’d do anything for you, but you really tested his limits sometimes. 

“Provided you write me an essay on the impressiveness of my work here, due on my desk in the morning, then yes.”

Reaching out your hand to him, you waited for him to grab it.

“Deal.”

He took your palm and held it tight, not shaking it, just holding, looking into your eyes as though he were searching for resentment, disappointment, something that told him why you hadn;t received his genius the way he had expected, the way you usually did. 

“Deal.”

In confusion, with strange feelings bubbling under the surface of happiness you were both pushing to the top, you left the orphanage together, intent on having a pleasant evening. You hoping to create positive memories before Eddie let you go. Eddie hoping to create positive memories that might convince you that it was worth staying.

[lucinatta]

GIRL OK I'm going to vent. If u want to read that'd be great cause I want to know if I'm in the wrong here lol. It's long tho so no need <3

Last monday was my birthday, it's a sucky day to have as a bday so what I did was invite my friends over for dinner on sunday, wait till midnight, blow the candles, eat some cake, open presents, and send everyone on their way at about 1 am so all of us could sleep relatively early. These were like, my "important" birthday plans, because they happened on my actual birthday. I invited my closest friends + 2 girls my friends have been dating for about 7/8 months, because a) I like them! and b) I knew they were spending that weekend over at my friends' places anyway so bringing them was easier than not.

Context for later: The 2 friends with the girlfriends are male, those are the only 2 partners that are external to the friend group, there's 9 of us, and we've been friends for about 10 years.

Anyway, so when I set that plan up on the gc, I explicitly asked both my friends to bring their girlfriends. They told me they would, they did, everything went great. After sunday's plan, I proposed we go out to dinner and then for drinks this saturday so I could have like proper bday plans that don't get cut short because everyone has to get up early for work. Everyone said they could come. Great, no issues so far.

Issues start yesterday, in a gc I'm NOT in that my friends made so they could discuss my present for sunday + a surprise cake (that now I know about lol) for saturday. This is not uncommon, we have bday groupchats for everyone in the group. One of my friends (girl) proposes the surprise cake, and apparently one of my male friends says that his gf can make the cake (as a gift) because she works as a baker. My friend (girl) says that it's not a good idea, since it be weird to have her make a cake for a plan she's not invited to. Apparently this caught both my male friends off guard, because they were under the impression that both their gfs were invited and had already told them about the plan. Now, to be clear, I didn't invite them and at no point did I imply they were invited. Not necessarily because I didn't want them there specifically, but rather because I wanted a night out with just my friends. These 2 girls come to a lot of our plans as a group, but when they do it's because we either tell them to, or our friends ask if they can come. NEITHER OF THESE 2 THINGS HAPPENED!! I want to clarify though, I didn't and still don't feel strongly about them not coming, and if it had been up to me, I would have liked both my friends to reach out to me and let me know that they had misunderstood, that they thought the girls were invited and that they had already invited them, and I would have told them to bring them!! like it really wasn't a big deal. Instead they got upset and told their girlfriends that they couldn't come because I DIDN'T WANT THEM THERE, which sounds sooooo much more drastic than what it actually is. So I find myself in a very shitty situation with NO WARNING (because again, this started in a gc I'M NOT IN!!!), when one of my friends sends me this really long message about how sad and hurt he is and asking me if I'm mad a him or his gf or whatever, and how he had hoped that I would think of her as my friend after all this time. To clarify she's not my friend, she's my friend's gf (that I really like!!), and "all this time" is 8 months lmao. Now these 2 girls think that I hate them, and I have to apologize for something I DIDN'T DOOOOOO. Like this wasn't my misunderstanding, I wasn't even on the gc!! and like what options do I have, realistically? Telling them to backtrack and invite them back gives major "you can come, IF YOU WANT" vibes and I hate that, and telling them that, no, they're not invited sounds like I don't like them or want them there. Like both my options suck.

Things have smoothed over now with my friends but I know they're mad about their gfs being hurt and SO AM I but like, it's not my fault!!! They (my friends) assumed they (their gfs) were invited when they weren't!! But again, it wasn't something I felt strongly about! like honest to god idk why they didn't just tell me they had invited them because they thought they were invited before stirring the pot behind my back. Now everything's a mess and things are tense because the rest of the gc sided with me. And I'm not gonna lie I'm kinda mad that they made this my problem on my bday week. Like couldn't you have waited a week to bring it up?? Anyway that's it lmao

[fandomsoda]

Ok so let me start off by saying that this post is probably gonna be very clunky simply due to the fact that I’m addressing a two day old situation and I’m doing so without it being directly prompted,, please bear with me.

So, late Tuesday night an anon expressed concerns over the ways that I’ve brushed over the topic of aromanticism in the past, expressing that I only ever seemed to mention partnering aros and that it came off as if I was saying all of that only in service of shipping. These things of course are not things I intended, but are not unfounded claims nonetheless.

My initial response to that ask was definitely not great, I came off as very customer service-y and expressed that I felt as if it was exaggerated (simply due to the way it was phrased as “constantly”). It didn’t help that it was like 11 pm and for some reason my dumb ass didn’t actually go back and look through stuff, purely going off my notoriously bad memory.

Needless to say, this wound up coming off as dismissive and insufficient, and thus I’m making this post now as I have processed everything and want to give the proper actual respose (and in a sense, apology) that this situation is deserving of.

After going back through past posts, while definitely far from constant, I have been able to observe that whenever aromanticism was brought up I definitely had a really bad tendancy of only mentioning partnering aros and it definitely came off as scummy now that I look back at it. This was never something I consiously did, but it was shitty and potentially harmful nonetheless and should have been something I was being more aware about. I’ve already been trying to boost aromantic voices lately since the Valentine season’s been around, but doing that and centering non-partnering aros especially is going to be top priority from here on out.

Now let me real quick circle back around and address the shipping bit, as that’s like its whole own thing-

Now I definitely stand by the fact that I was never only talking about stuff in service of a ship, at least not consiously, but the topic often came up in reference to or alongside shipping and thus I acknowledge that that extrapolation is not at all a difficult one to make. And the fact that I even acted in a way that resembled that is not good.

And discussions with my friends have brought to my attention that I have not been making a number of things nearly clear enough and that whole mess is entirely on me so let’s get some things straight-

First of all, due to the more fluid attitude I’ve seen a lot of people have towards it, I never realized just how strictly romantic most people view shipping. Maybe I’m just a little bit dense but for the longest time, the term “ship” being used in a more platonic sense seemed more common than it actually is. And for the longest time, I’ve viewed shipping simply as “I think these characters have a nice dynamic and that they should be affectionate with one another”. But it has been a violent wakeup call recently that that is far from the most common thought process.

And in this I’ve come to realize that I’ve not been clarifying or establishing the fact that most if not all my ships are queerplatonic in some fashion because romance is a concept I’ve never fully grasped (not gonna go too deep into that here though, my weird perception of relationships is a topic for another day-). And things involving aro characters have especially always been queerplatonic in my mind.

I have not been nearly as clear enough about that as I should be and have failed to mention or establish that as much as I should. So from here on out, im going to be much more clear about that to avoid future misunderstanding or sending the wrong message.

It should also probably be noted that it’s very hard to convey these things given the type of art I do. I don’t properly write nor do longform comics, so it’s much harder to convey the internal complexities of things in the simple individual pieces my art often is.

Characters are also often left unpaired and single in my mind, but once again these types of things are hard to convey visually and the bonds between characters usually inspire art more often.

So most of this has just been a matter of “it’s all been up in my head but my ability to convey it or actually make content of it has been extremely lacking”. And again, in a sense, that’s on me.

Overall I know my handling of this situation has been incredibly scuffed from an outside view, for a lot of this I’ve been just very confused and all over the place so the few things I have said have been poorly summarized and basically just me completely tripping over myself. I’ve been processing things and getting things in order privately though, as you can probably tell. And in that I have come to the conclusion that I must take accountability for my actions as it is truly the only correct course of action here. I’m sorry to those this whole mess has upset, I hope this post is enough to explain everything.

I’m not super certain how to end this off but that’s about it, please let me know of any futher concerns. I’m genuinely sorry for all this mess.

[deyisacherry]

I’m gonna continue this because this should have happened in the episode-

Solar: ARE YOU KIDDING ME !?!

Moon: Look I know it’s bad but-

Solar: WHAY WOULD TELL HIM ANY OF THAT?!!! YOU REALIZED THAT YOU CARRY ON YOUR LEGACY TO HIM THATS SUPER FUCKED UP!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Moon: Hey!!! Hey!!! I just woke up from being comatose for about a year, for me it was and hour and was completely over seeing some things that happened? How was I supposed to know what state of mind he was in??! Look I’m sorry about it!!!

Solar: IF YOUR SORRY YOU WOULDVE ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR STUPID ACTIONS TO INFLUENCE SUCH BULLSH*** ON YOUR COUNTERPART THAT MADE HIM THINK HE HAD TO DO ALL THAT SH*T FOR WHAT?? PROTECTING HIS FAMILY!!!??!?! HOW DARE YOU DUMB****

Lunar: wait, moon are you serious? 🤨🤨🤨

Moon: look, I admit it I said some things that were messed up and just to clarify, the words I’ve said were to make that you make them all happy and protect them at all costs even if it costs your life and don’t do anything bad, and it might’ve just made it amateurish to say all of that but………those were bad words to say.

Lunar: That is so deeply messed up. That’s the dumbest thing ever. The DUMBEST THING EVER.

Earth: I agree, Not only is it amateurish it’s also nonsensical having to say to ‘ protect them at all costs even if it costs your life and don’t to anything bad?’ That’s completely rational sense of logic to say.

Moon: I know I know, Look I messed up ok!?! I had to know how things were okay for other me and I never wanted him/ nor expect him to screw things up, he was only supposed to look after and care for you all. I said the wrong words and that was a misunderstanding. He’s done a lot mistakes that were my mistakes and would you blame him for that?

Lunar: I’m not so sure. But I can understand that it hard

Earth: honestly from what I’m hearing from you I couldn’t blame him more from what he did cause some of those mistakes were his own fault but also he was trying so hard to not be in your image and sometimes people get overwhelmed trying not to be what they were like before and he did for while. But then so many things happened and I feel very conflicted over this.

Sun: We lost so SO many for sh*t that was already supposed to have happened, and I’ve have been told many times that some things happen that were true but this?………. I. Can’t. Believe. It. Why am I still surprised?

wuagh

old moon needs to be called up

though we know new moon mentioned that to them several times, that old moon told him that and they didn't- they didn't care

he isn't taking enough responsibility for that, nor anyone else in the family for just turning their backs on him cause he said "mean things" when all he needed was help, actual help

also, monty? i don't know what he was expecting from Nexus after they shocked him until he was unconscious, not to mention how they didn't help moon enough with his hallucinations

the whole gang let this happen to him, even if it wasn't on purpose

and i hope solar realizes that

[an-aura-about-you]

there is both not much and yet a lot of the book left. the last bit of Handbook for Mortals is gonna take an eternity, I fucking swear.

let's see what Chapter 16 holds:

when we last left our hero, Scheherazade was choking on her own blood because she decided to use real and dangerous magic for a thing she absolutely did not need to do. fortunately, the crew called an ambulance for her immediately, unlike their response when Sofia fell 50 feet and literally drowned.

in fact, I'm sorry, but I am gonna take a detour here to talk about how bullshit it is that we get multiple characters talking about how Sofia only bruised her ego or that she should be grateful that Zade saved her life and spending more time reassuring Riley that he didn't do anything wrong and saying Sofia was probably fine while she was literally in the middle of receiving CPR but when Zade is the one who gets hurt they call an ambulance right away and everyone is super worried as she's rushed to the ICU and Zade is soooooo sad going through these memories of watching the people who love her suffering because she's in pain~

the way Sofia is treated throughout this book is absolutely disgusting.

(thank goodness somebody wrote Sofia into some better stories. what who said that?)

anyway, moving on.

Chapter 16: Justice

-I'm curious to see how we're gonna stretch the events of what's going to happen over six entire chapters.

-pffff Dela drives an SUV. she's a minivan witch. the most relatable thing for me in this book if you'll recall my tangent about my desire to go van camping.

-Dela has put Zade to bed in her childhood room instead of just. starting whatever ritual she's gotta do? ok, maybe this isn't fair since timing can be important, but we're wasting time talking about other shit WITHOUT clarifying what she needs to do to prepare first or saying when it has to be done to be most effective. instead, she's grilling Charles on what Mac knows.

-which leads to another point: why isn't Dela just asking Mac? I mean he's standing right there. he can hear you talking about him.

-oh geez, apparently Spellman's been carrying a torch for Dela this entire time. I thought it might have been a "rekindled in her presence" thing, but not so, apparently. Sofia must have been an attempted rebound, probably one of many, that didn't work out.

-wait a fucking minute, Dela says, "At least you've admitted it to someone," like she wasn't the reason Charles was keeping it a secret. Charles rightfully calls her out on this and she at least has enough sense to be abashed about it. I think maybe Dela knows that all of this was caused by Mac leaving the show due to the misunderstanding he came to from not knowing Charles is Zade's father, something that was NOT Spellman's fault btw.

-ugh I do not need to see Zade's parents stand around and have feelings for each other. I know they're gonna but can they not make goo-goo eyes at each other while their daughter is dying?

-we get a tangent on Charles's nickname for Dela that I am going to spare you from because it is not cute or clever.

-Dela tries to shut Charles's attempts to flirt down and even that appears to be more about her Not Doing This Again and less about Zade Is Actively Dying.

-ok she FINALLY brings up their daughter is dying after he confesses he still loves her. also, we get a paragraph on how Dela was and still is a looker because that's the obvious reason Charles still loves her. like there's a line at the end of that paragraph that she turns not just heads but souls but it just feels tacked on. apparently we can build a relationship on beauty, a solid idea!

-literally a page after Dela rebuffs Charles she's crying on the floor in his arms and says she loves him, too. nothing like your daughter dying to get your woman back, huh, guys?

-ok I need to put this section up as an example for all to see:

[Dela's] eyes glimmered and a small smile crept out upon her lips. She tilted her head to the side thinking about how exactly to explain everything to Mac without causing him to completely flip out. "Perhaps I should start by explaining to you exactly how Charles and I met. It will have to be the quick version for now as we have a lot to do here."

Mac asking for an explanation for what Dela can do that the doctors at the hospital can't is being used as a lead-in for a flashback sequence about how Dela and Charles first met instead of the actual explanation that Dela And Zade Are Witches.

I knew this story was in the book, but I never would have guessed THAT was the lead-in.

I guess we know where Zade got her habit of sharing useless anecdotes from.

-Mac is also confused about what this has to do with anything.

-oh holy shit, we actually get some timeline stuff now! Dela and Charles met in the 70s.

and the chapter ends with Dela beginning to tell the story proper which will be in the next chapter.

dang. that felt short. how many pages was that?

*counts it out*

10 pages? and the last page isn't even halfway full??? the big illusion from the last chapter was longer than this entire chapter!

in fact, how long was the last chapter?

*checks*

36 PAGES????????

[tonydaddingham]

hehe im the muslim anon here again!! [waves] we have a few similarities with good omens :0 there's the story of job! we call him ayyub and he's a prophet, not just a devout worshipper, but its functionally the same story. islam and christianity share a lot of stories because we have the same important people so to speak and so there's a lot of overlap in the biblical stories we see in good omens :)

what you said about aziraphale potentially being raphael really interests me though! especially since metatron (who in islam is called the guardian of the veil and is the only one who knows about the beyond - sounds godlike but is decidedly Not.) said "we need an angel of your talents [to bring about the second coming]" so the dots.. they are connecting...

though i will say that israfil doesn't bring about the second coming in islam; he blows the trumpet (twice) to bring about armageddon. we also have a version of the second coming, but our jesus/isa lives at least 40 years on earth and dies before the world ends. (i do not think thats the same in christianity uh but. my two cents! not sure what they are worth, but you can have them anyway) - 🌙 (is it ok if i sign off with that? just because i feel like i might want to say more things in future heh)

hello again, lovely!!!✨ welcome back! (and of course, sign off with whatever you like!!! thou shall be my 🌙 anon - im curating a little group of specific anons, it seems!!!💕)

also, i hope it's okay that i might ask a few more questions - i promise i will do my own reading, but i find personally it's easier for me to have some general context, and then go into more detail in my further research, and helps me not fall down the dreaded research rabbit-hole... so hope that's alright with you!!!

re: book of job, etc: that's again really fascinating (and just shows my complete ignorance of religion in general tbh) - to learn that there is indeed that level of crossover, but given they're abrahamic actually it should have been a bit more obvious to me (bit of a duh moment, there!).

metatron: now that is... intriguing. so, if metatron is definitely not at any deific level, does his knowledge of (from what im understanding?) the state beyond death make him omniscient? does Allah also know what lies beyond the veil - and if so, is Allah considered omniscient too? because from your previous ask where Islam (again, please correct me if im entirely misunderstanding this) encourages free will, wouldn't that potentially conflict with omniscience? or is Allah omniscient but resolutely 'hands-off' in letting humanity make choices and ergo mistakes?

so sorry - barrage of questions there! free will is a very interesting philosophical concept for me and one ive ruminated on a lot, so to have an alternative view is really helpful!!!

re: israfil: aaaah i just read back my previous answer; i had meant the day of judgement, not resurrection, my bad! but cool, thank you for clarifying about the second coming anyway!!! so if the second coming does somewhat exist in islam, does it not in fact precipitate the day of judgement? if not, is there any particular trigger (ie an equivalent of the second coming) that triggers israfil to blow the trumpet? or is it simply the order from Allah straight into the main act, so to speak? and actually, just out of curiosity, is there significance attached to two trumpet blows, as opposed to - say - just one?

thank you so much again 🌙 anon, im really enjoying learning from you!!!✨ (and feel free to nope out if you get fed up with the questions, totally understandable!!!)

[wyked-ao3]

Can you do either 🫐, 🍎, or🍐 for the fruit emoji ask game for fic writers?

🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)

The answer that would require me to pick one fandom lol, I have several small ships....ok so my smallest ship for supernatural is the skinwalker dog gets a family (he didn't deserve what happened) yes I'm aware that's a unpopular opinion but it's mine. (Yes I'm going to write one for it just have not gotten around it ....my brain goes shiny and well ...I think we both know how that goes lmbo)

🍎 Is there anything you straight-up won’t write? Yes several things actually, no I will not list them all but I will list a few , anything romantic *platonic or not* under the age of 16 no major age gaps if they are a minor ECT (exception being immortals frozen and that was more implied....it was weird don't ask); and several other things I'm not comfortable writing or refuse to write.....

🍐 Is there anything in canon that you absolutely hate and love to fix in fics? A wrong choice made, a fuck-up in characterization, a misunderstanding never cleared up, a conversation never shown onscreen, etc…

Again I will stick to one fandom versus info dumping no matter how tempting it is

Dean & Sam they have a toxic family relationship. I try to fix it or shed light on the problematic behavior... sometimes both in the same fic ...

Several of the choices made i disagree with....

And absolutely hate would have to go two to different events

The fact they let Asmodeus torture my favorite character for year's!!!!!!! Gabriel!!!

And the way Lucifer changed from season five onward (he was obsessed with Sam in a way that went beyond the vessel thing imo. And him torturing him over a deal they mad did not make sense (Lucifer never clarified that Sam had to take control right away...) i do not think they stuck to the characterization that they introduced.

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Main Story S4CH5 'Follow the Rainbow at the Seafloor' - Chapter 6 + EX Chapters

originally translated these chapters when they first came out but never posted here, so, enjoy nekome being sus af

Chapter 6

-street, night time-

maica: Shinju!

shinju: Oh? Hey Maica.

maica: Good work today, you’re probably heading home right? I have something I’d like to talk to you about though, can we?

shinju: Yeah sure.

ran: Hold up, if you’re gonna talk lemme hear too!

shinju: Huh, Ran? Why?

ran: Lately Macia n’ I have been gettin’ along well~ Anyways, since ya talkin’ let’s go chat in a cafe!

maica: Good idea, we’re just standing around out here.

shinju: W-what? Ah, wait up!

-in cafe-

shinju: So um, what is it you two want from me exactly?

maica: Right now we’re in the middle of investigating Nekome, and so, we have something we’d like to ask you.

shinju: Huh? Nekome…

ran: Yep yep, we’ve teamed up. Though, the main thing I’m interested in is the black cards. So Shinju have ya ever seen Nekome with a card that’s completely black? Like before he disappeared n’ such.

shinju: A completely black card? Sorry, I have no idea.

ran: For real? And here I was thinkin’ for sure Nekome would have one.

maica: Ran, don’t derail the conversation.

shinju: I get that you two are investigating Nekome and whatever that card is but, why do you want to know about Nekome from me?

maica: …Shinju. I can tell that you’re avoiding Nekome. Why you’re avoiding him, what you know about him, that’s what I’d like to know.

shinju: …That’s….

maica: I’m of the belief that Nekome had something to do with the disappearance of Starless’ previous owner and the director couple.

ran: Me too! They all disappeared and yet only he came back all chill like nothin’ happened, it’s definitely suspicious! The reason he’s got his eye on Nee-chan has to be related as well!

shinju: What… Really?

maica: We don’t have any conclusive evidence though, that’s why I’d like to clarify the truth. At first I was just looking for what the cause of your discomfort was, but now I’m not just investigating for your sake anymore. The previous owner and director couple are still gone and I’m starting to worry some people can’t be trusted.

ran: And the key person in all of that is Nekome.

maica: More than anything, I just want to make sure Saki isn’t targeted.

shinju: For Saki-chan’s sake…

maica: That’s why I want information on Nekome, could you tell us what it is you know?

shinju: …… (thinking about it)

shinju: Ok. I don’t know how useful it will be, but I’ll tell you my story. That day, it could’ve just been me misunderstanding it, but—

—end

EX 1

-still in cafe-

shinju: I’ll talk about what I saw. It was around the time Team P was first formed. Rindou had been having trouble on stage… 

-flashback, old starless backstage room-

shinju: (That was a close one, I’m so glad I found my house key here in the store. That could’ve been real bad if I’d dropped it on the street somewhere… Hm? Is someone else here?)

-shinju peeks into the storage room-

nekome: Well, I guess you could say it’s like a simple type of therapy?

rindou: Sorry Nekome, I’ve even made you concerned about me…

nekome: No worries, to make sure Team P’s on the right track, you’re necessary no matter what, Rindou.

nekome: (on computer or something) Ok, the card’s all set up, how about you?

rindou: I’m fine.

shinju: (Nekome and… Rindou? I wonder what they’re doing… he said something about therapy.)

nekome: Here we go, put these headphones on now.

rindou: Ok.

nekome: Okay, concentrate real hard on the sound that’s gonna come from the headphones, I’ll start it now.

shinju: (I wonder what they could be talking about, a new show maybe? I wish I could hear it too but I’m just the understudy…)

-rindou jolts in pain-

rindou: Guh— graaahhhh!

shinju: !?

nekome: …Hm? (he notices shinju)

shinju: (What was that, what, what happened? Nekome noticed me, shit, I need to run!)

rindou: Gua… Aaaagh…!

shinju: (Rindou I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’ll call the police as soon as I can…!)

nekome: ………

-flashback ends-

shinju: After that… nothing happened. The police did come to the store, but they said that no one was there.

ran: Woahhh~ What a frightening story that was.

maica: So was Rindou ok after that?

shinju: He was there at Starless the next day like normal and looked just fine. To the point where I thought I’d just imagined everything. Both of them acted as though nothing had even happened except…

maica: Except?

shinju: Up until then, Rindou had been a bit unstable, but that gradually settled afterwards…

ran: Hmm… So in other words, Nekome’s therapy was a success?

maica: It can’t be that simple.

shinju: I don’t know… ever since then I’ve been afraid of Nekome. Rindou took notice of it and adjusted our shifts to be different as much as he was able to.

maica: I see… Thank you, Shinju. Ran and I are going to discuss this a bit more so you can head home ahead of us. Sorry for dragging you along with us.

shinju: Ah, right. I’ll be going then.

ran: See ya~!

-street, night time-

shinju: Sigh… I’ll head straight home and rest tonight…

nekome: Nice work today, Shinju.

shinju: (very shocked) !? S-same to you, Nekome.

nekome: You heading home? How about we walk to the station together?

shinju: Um I…

nekome: My really, what a coincidence this is, I’m glad that I ran into you. Let’s walk and chat till we reach the station hm?

—end

EX 2

-rehearsal room-

maica: Hey Rindou, can I ask you something?

rindou: Sure, what’s the matter?

maica: I was thinking that we have a lot of unresolved problems that we’ve set aside. So… what are you going to do about them?

rindou: …Fufu. 

maica: Why’d that make you laugh?

rindou: Sorry, the question was just unexpectedly abstract. Usually you speak a lot more straightforwardly so it must be something you’re quite worried over.

maica: Ah… well, yeah I guess.

rindou: So, this is about our team’s unresolved problems then?

maica: That’s right.

rindou: …I think the only way to handle them is to put them into order of priority and go from there. Time is limited after all.

maica: Hm, true… But, what if it was something that could be a really big problem but you yourself have forgotten it? Then what?

rindou: Is something wrong Maica? Today you’re really… Did something happen? If possible I can help you out.

maica: Oh, no, it’s not like that. It’s like a hypothetical question I guess? I’d like you to answer thinking of it like that.

rindou: That so? That’s fine then… Hmm… A big problem that I myself have forgotten. If it’s not something that’s related to our team, the stage, or our guests, then right now I would not be prioritising it.

maica: So you’re saying you’d leave it be?

rindou: Yes.

maica: If left neglected you may end up not being able to resolve it. Would that not make you uneasy or anything?

rindou: I guess it would make me uneasy. If it were someone other than me, I’m sure they’d rather work towards solving it, bit by bit. But if it’s me we’re talking about, then I’d be fine with it never being resolved. Since to me right now, the stage is my everything.

maica: …I see.

rindou: Everything ok?

maica: Ah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry for asking you something strange.

rindou: No worries. Since it seems we have some time before the others arrive, how about we rehearse the basics?

maica: Sure thing.

rindou: Let’s go.

—end

EX 3

-outside starless, night time-

saki: (Today was a lot of fun… It’s already gotten dark out, I should carefully make my way home.)

nekome: Nice night out tonight isn’t it, little lady?

saki: (Is that man calling out to me? If he’s trying to hit on me it’s better I don’t address him…)

nekome: Hey wait it’s me it’s me. Nekome. Won’t you look at me?

saki: Oh, so it was just you Nekome-san. I thought I was being hit on or something, sorry for ignoring you.

nekome: Hmm well, you weren’t too far off the mark I guess.

saki: Huh? …You mean you were hitting on me?

nekome: To an extent. You’re headed to the station right? I’ll escort you.

saki: Eh, you can’t do that.

nekome: It’s fine it’s fine, rather if I can walk beside you for even just 10 minutes I might even pay you.

saki: I don’t need money.

nekome: I’m joking don’t worry, so, can we walk together?

saki: Ok, then, thank you.

nekome: No prob, alright, let’s go—!

-street-

nekome: By the way, are you familiar with the ‘five minute hypothesis’?*

-choice: I know / I don’t - (if you say you know it he just skips the explanation and calls u knowledgeable)

saki: What’s that?

nekome: Uhh let’s see, it’s a philosophical theory that was proposed by a philosopher called Mr what’s his name.

saki: (Mr what’s his name…)

nekome: It’s said the earth was created 4.6 billion years ago, when in actuality it could’ve been created a mere 5 minutes ago. There’s no real way to prove whether that’s possible or impossible, that’s how the theory goes.

saki: How come you brought up this theory?

nekome: Well, I just thought it was interesting. For example, let’s say Starless was built today, but everyone was implanted with a fake memory that it had existed for 10 years. It would be quite shocking, no one would realise it and start celebrating the store’s tenth anniversary. And just like that they’d reminisce about the past, unbothered by how strangely new the wallpaper is.

saki: Uh, umm…

nekome: Oh, sorry sorry. What I wanted to say was, what if right now you and I were kidnapped by aliens, they might implant the memory that we’ve been dating for a whole year!

saki: …What?

nekome: If that were to happen, this irritating distance between us would be erased, would it not?

saki: …Sigh. I thought you had been talking about something more serious.

nekome: Huuh? I was talking very seriously though.

-time pass, outside train station-

nekome: Talking so much in between we’ve already reached the station.

saki: Thanks for walking me all the way here, Nekome-san.

nekome: No problem, thank you too for the enjoyable time. I’ll find something even more interesting to talk about next time, so let’s walk like this again some time.

saki: Ok, sounds good. See you next time.

nekome: Bye~

—end

*from wikipedia- The five-minute hypothesis is a skeptical hypothesis put forth by the philosopher Bertrand Russell, that proposes that the universe sprang into existence five minutes ago from nothing, with human memory and all other signs of history included.

also note for those unaware, the shinju nekome chat cliffhanger was resolved by takami also stepping in out of nowhere, they all parted ways without incident (and here I was thinking nekome was about to memory wipe shinju)

[lemonhemlock]

Another discourse I've seen going on recenlty re: Helaena is this idea that shipping her with a man is somehow devaluing her worth as a woman, that she's more than that, i.e. a plot device for a man's suffering. Of course 90% of this kind of "criticism" is directed towards Helaemond and the possibility about it becoming canon and it's mainly coming from, Helaegons and Alysmonds. But do they not see how the exact same argument can be made in their case? I mean quite a few Helaegons come up with headcanons and scenarios about possible interactions between Helaena and Aegon in S2 yet no one is losing their minds over how those possible scenes are going to reduce Helaena's character in favor of Aegon, nor should they. I can, for example, say that a scene in which he's nice to her is whitewashing his character to the audience who'll probably remember him as just a rapist. See how this works? It's insane logic. Same for Alys and Aemond: except for her (very possible) interactions with Daemon that she's going to have in S2 the rest of her storyline revolves mostly around Aemond and her relationship with him and even after his death this continues through their son. Yet I'm not seeing the argument and 100 pages essays that shippers are devaluing Alys and making her character solely about Aemond? Or that they're using her to woobify him, and trust me, you can make the argument that this is what some are doing!

It's a very hypocritical attitude and, frankly, is just the latest way for people to sound pretentious and intellectual when they could simply say "I dislike this ship and I don't want it to become canon" instead of coming up with this kind of crap.

Anyway, I guess my point is that a character's arc will inevitably revolve around other characters and the relationships they will have with them (AND THIS IS FINE!! this is how stories work!) so therefore it's very disingenuous for people to claim that X ship can only be about whitewashing a man's character or a mean for his character growth while devaluing the woman. Like Helaena loses her son because of Aemond's murder of Lucerys (yes, it's Daemon's fault for hiring B&C but still, it was a consequence of Aemond's actions and let's face it, he will blame himself for it in the show, will feel responsible for her grief and will seek revenge against Daemon for it), she's Aegon's wife, yet people are expecting that others should only explore and ship a certain relationship - Helaegon - because one it's canon, and condemn the other - Helaemond because it's not canon and, in their opinion, its only purpose will be Aemond's character growth? Like people can genuinely like Helaemond, it's not some conspiracy to make Aemond look better.

Anonymous asked: Ok just to clarify something in my previous ask since I didn't word it as I should have and I know is going to cause some problems: I didn't mean that the ones who came up with the whole "shipping Helaena with a man is devaluing her" mess are ALL Helaegons and Alysmond shippers and defenders, but rather that they're basically sounding the same as the people who came up with it and that they're directing their ire at Helaemonds (for reasons I already explained). Sorry about this misunderstanding and you can ignore this message!!

I agree that it's a very disingenuous and insincere argument. You can say the same about any character in any ship ever. So if it applies to all of them, then it's not relevant for any of them. You're right in saying it's just a pretentious attempt to intellectualize their irrational dislike of helaemond, which is, for all intents and purposes, a random and innocuous ship. This level of mental gymnastics is so unnecessary; just admit you don't like something and move on. Christ. We all have stuff we don't really care for and sometimes the reason is just petty or dumb. Sure, it's still annoying for the enjoyers of that thing to read/hear some asinine motivation others might have for their dislike, but it's miles better being honest about it than trying to come off as 'superior' or 'deep' for being a hater.

[alazyparallelworld]

dms are awful truly., tell me about harukawa maki and why the fandom is wrong about her^_^

[Drags hands down my face]

preliminary: y'know how like. Kirigiri is. The Girl of thh? and Chiaki is for the sequel, and so overt 'THE GIRL' that her backstory was rewritten to be More Tragic in the special anime?

Haru is that for V3. Aka is bait.

It's, easier to comprehend n Digest Haru w/ that in mind. "Right. She's Kodaka's girl…" the reversible cover of V3 features Haru, prominently. That sort of thing. Genuinely shocked she doesn't have a figure yet, esp in the fashion of the bunnygirls, but Haru is quite controversial re: popularity. That might be why.

I could ramble. I've talked abt her, at length, and i'll spare you the howlings of 'SHE! ANGIE! NARRATIVE FOILS!!!' lucky you, on this special day

overall fandom re: haru has, a sort of, pendulum effect. One side or the other. 'She abuses, tortures, prolly would waterboard Ou,' or, 'sad girl who deserves the best,' y'know. The first part, I see mostly, in 310 fic. Whump. Ou bruised for h/c and Sai gives Haru n co. a PIECE OF HIS MIND!!! The latter… hahhhhhh.. Haru/Momo fic, or, 'Right! Haru's here too!' gotta include her somewhere. Give her a happy ending, a relationship w/ Momo. Done.

/head on hand, swaying

Neither of these are, true. At least if I had to pick, #2 - and I think that'd be Kodo's answer, too, lol. HAVE YOU SEEN HER LOVE ACROSS ANSWERS? SO EDGY. If this was a '00s game, Haru would be top of the charts in fan favorites. Her 8track playlist would start w/ the song, 'Pain' by TDG. Released in the wrong era, sad. A girl allowed, ENCOURAGED, to be sad… but bloody! Wow…!!! And she's pretty!

The 'why'. Well. Now, okay, lean forward, steel your heart……. why is the fandom so bad at Haru…?

Because she's a girl…………!!! I know. What? How? Girl hate?!

You're GONNA hear. 'No, i dislike her bc her motives don't make sense,' 'she fucks up the lategame plan,' 'she's too mean,' 'so bland,' degrees of these are true. I'm not saying basement Joe dislikes Haru solely due to her endowment. But fandom-wise, overall, yeah… altho vthree, particularly, has. Uhm. [twirls hair] 'Opinions' I'd disagree with, re: characters. All of them. The game is meant to be subjective, so of course there's a variety of feelings.

But girls are, mm, unwelcome? Generally. She [any girl] has to Warrant mere existing, and 10x that warrante for x-minutes of screentime. They become watered down, for ease, to be enjoyable. Fans heighten desirable characteristics, if they Mostly-like her, or her negatives if they Mostly-hate her. This sort of Upping the Ante isn't female-restricted, no, but the dials are ticked furthermore.

I can't think of any vthree girl that fandom 'gets,' really. N don't misunderstand me - the girls of the cast aren't TOO COMPLEX for these IMMATURE VIEWERS to UNDERSTAND!!! No, 'you have to have a high IQ,' bullshit. Rather, I think, people are tired and more inclined to extremes. Either tired of being 'annoyed' by girls - this is how we get Haru-basking - or tired of girl-hate, which is how we get to Haru, or Aka, [x girl here]-loving. Both of which don't cusp the truth of the girl.

And - I do this. You do this. I wave away a lot of Tenko's, Loudness n Hatred re: men, but not out of ignoring. I do acknowledge, even like it, due to my view of her backstory from the gleams we see. But I don't talk abt it, or depict it often, bc it's 'minor' when compared to the features I want to emphasize. 'Best girl, because of her purity!' It's inoffensive…….

UNTIL WE GET TO FAN META!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like, 'meta made by fans of vthree,' not meta made by fans of Haru. Clarifying.

[stepford smiler] Ignore all haru fan meta. All of it. I'm right about her, nobody else. Especially Haru + Ou meta. Everyone is wrong. OK? You promise? Don't look at anybody else's take… okay…? Let's do a blood pact, I'll start. [reaches for a prop knife]

[sonicenvy]

Ok, so @dunkenbartend, since you made this response I have been toying with whether or not to respond to it. After this post blew up and lots of people started responding to it, I figured I should dignify you with a response. I am really sorry that lots of people used this post to start being mean to you; that's not fair to you, since it seems like you genuinely are having a misunderstanding here, and are being sincere in your response.

to both you and @yareadyfreddie I mean this in the absolute kindest way possible:

Since it seems like the both of you were not understanding my point here, I'm going to pull the thesis of my original post out in a list for you to both read it. I think both of you responded in offense more to my tone, which I'll admit was somewhat inflammatory with words like "scourge" and whatnot. I'll be real with y'all I was very salty when I wrote this post. But, let's put aside the discussion of whether or not "placeholder fics" are annoying.

Before I get to my listed repetition of the thesis of the original post, let's get a few definitions out of the way so we're all on the same page with respect to language.

Placeholder "fic": A "fic" posted to AO3 that contains little to NO content, despite having a "summary" and tags. These "fics" contain only things like "a fic I will write soon," "an idea I have," or "coming soon." Some of these "fics" are also marked as complete! They do not contain any of the actual text of a fic. That is to say they are not, for example, a 100 word drabble (which is a fic), or short prologue, or the first chapter of a fic. They may contain a short description of a fic that does not exist, but are not in and of themselves a fic. Archive: Any website or library dedicated to preserving content, artifacts, books, images, etc etc. Like all libraries, archival libraries whether online websites or physical buildings have collections policies that are publicly available for ANYONE to read. Collections policies are the defined rules that describe exactly what kinds of materials a library or archival library does and does not collect. All libraries MUST have these, as they are central to the mission and strategy of the organization, and because all libraries have limited space, whether digitally or physically. A collections policy also defines to patrons/users what it is that that particular library does/is designed to do. Archives exist to store and share a collection, they are NOT a space for promotions or advertising. (Though to be fair there are archives of vintage/antique advertisements). TOS (Terms of Service): The rules that a user agrees to when they sign up for a service or create an account on a website. These should be easy to find, and define what actions are allowable and what actions are not in the context of the service. A TOS is the rules that you MUST abide by when using a service. Typically a TOS also defines what rules the service must follow in relation to you and what actions they will take when the TOS is violated by either users or employees/volunteers who are members of the organization. Often a TOS is a legal document. In the case of AO3, the TOS outlines the responsibilities of users and of the OTW. It also contains AO3's collections policies. You can find the AO3 TOS here. I encourage everyone to read through it. If you don't understand something, feel free to reach out and ask me; I can help clarify something for you.

OK, whew! Now that we are on the same page vocab wise, let's get back to the reiteration of my thesis:

Placeholder "fics" as defined, violate AO3's collections policy/Terms of Service. Specifically, they violate TOS IV.H or "inappropriate content". I am not making this up. This is what the AO3 mod told me when I did report such a "fic". For further proof of this, here is a screenshot of the email that I got in response to my report (names and email addresses redacted for privacy):

As a subpoint, you may be wondering why these "fics" are considered "inappropriate content." The archive was designed to be an archive for fanworks. Fanworks are generally defined by OTW/astolat/AO3 as being fanfiction, fanvideos, podfic, certain kinds of extended meta, and fanart. An exception that you might see is a formatting guide for AO3 workskins. Those are also permitted. A description of an idea for a fic that is not a FIC in and of itself, thus doesn't count a fanwork or fanfiction. I encourage you (and anyone else reading this) to read my other post on this topic and the primary and secondary sources that I linked in the post, especially the original brainstorming session on astolat's livejournal for the creation of AO3/OTW which can be found here. Obviously, you'll note that some of the ideas in the original brainstorming session didn't come to fruition and some did.

2. Because placeholder "fics" are not acceptable content for archive collection under TOS IV.H, you CANNOT post them on the archive. I further encouraged readers to report them when they see them, because, again, they ARE a violation of TOS IV.H and should not have been posted to the archive. Reporting TOS violating content is an important part of helping maintain our community resources, and is something that helps the AO3 moderation team with their jobs.

3. AO3 is an archive, not social media. That is, it is not the place to communicate with your following about your fic beyond the permitted commenting on a specific fic system that exists on the site. Communication with your following/readership is best done via your social media accounts, whatever those might be. It behooves you, if you use these accounts to link them in your AO3 profile or the author's notes in your existing fanfictions.

Whew! Now that we're done with that, I am going to address your point about finding motivation, and getting better at writing your ideas, since that's not something that was a part of my original post, but is an interesting motivation for this TOS violating behavior that I did not consider. I get it, I really do (I have ADHD and struggle with this myself), it is hard to motivate to write sometimes, but placeholder "fics" are not the way to go.

Here are some great tools for you to help with writing:

Cold Turkey Writer - A writing program that you can download to your computer for distraction free writing sessions. It is especially good for initial word vomit writing. Features of this program include: an ability to block out ALL other things on your computer until a certain amount of time passes, or until a certain number of words have been written. The program also does not have many different distracting extras. It is free with an optional donation of a single $9 USD payment for the extended features (soundtracks and night mode afaik).

Scrivener - A program designed specifically for writing longer stuff, like, novel length packed with a bunch of features from integration of research, to writing in disconnected chunks and rearranging them. You can read about the full features here. Scrivener is a program that a lot of professional writers use. It does have a one time cost of $60 USD, but allows you to download a free trial to see if you like it first.

Infinite sound generators/background noise: mynoise.net, purrli.com, RainFor.me, Coffitivity, RainyCafe, Soundrown, Rainymood, lo-fi hip-hop radio beats to study to, TableTop Audio.

CRD Reading Room's Worldbuilding Checklist - a great resource for everything you need to get better at worldbuilding.

Online Etymology Dictionary - the free version of the OED, where you can get definitions for words and the history of those words!

Word Hippo - useful online thesaurus.

OneLook Reverse Dictionary - look up the definition of a word to find out what that word is.

Vulgar Conlang Creator - we can't all be JRR tolkien, this website helps you create conlangs (fantasy/made up languages)

thebetafile - connect with a beta reader!

Some tips:

try out starting with shorter fics like oneshots or drabbles. You can always post a new fic that is an expansion of an old oneshot, or add a second chapter to a oneshot. Plus, you don't have to post a complete fic. You can post the first chapter or so. There are lots of incomplete fics out there. There are wips that haunt my dreams, but even if they get abandoned, they are still a gift to fandom!

create a fic that is a compilation of all of your incomplete ideas for a fandom, where you write 500 words to 1.5k words of each idea and make that idea a chapter. I did this here if you need an example. Here is another great example of this. This is good because you actually write and share some of your fic (thus making it a fic), but don't need to worry about having written a whole big fic. Be very clear in your summary what this fic collection is. Lots of people do this, and I think it is a great alternative to what you're doing that has a similar effect. Some writers that make these end up posting a chapter of it that becomes a whole fic as a new, separate fic. This is nice because you can share your ideas, even if you're not ready to fully commit, and you can get a taste for how people feel about them. Just make sure that you're actually writing the idea rather than "this is an idea I want to write about". Just go for it. Write 500 words of the fic.

Join a writer's discord for your fandom/ship/character etc. There are lot of them out there and you can connect to other writers in the fandom and discuss ideas/get motivation/participate in challenges etc. Fandom is a community; engage in it and have fun!

Write stuff down when you have an idea -- wherever you are, with whatever you have. Record yourself speaking out some of the lines on your phone, write them on a napkin, open up your phone notes app, carry around a small journal for ideas, post it to your tumblr, create a dreamwidth journal and use that, do whatever works for you. If you're an ideas in the shower person, get some kids shower crayons.

Commit to writing a certain number of words of anything everyday (ie: 500 words). This is something that I think Steven King or George RR Martin recommended, someone correct me if I'm wrong on the attribution.

Make some fandom friends to message about ideas with. Tumblr is a great place for this, as are fandom discord servers. A sympathetic fandom friend is something that can actually be so great.

Walk away from an idea that isn't working out, at least for a little while. You don't have to stick with something if it's really not jiving with you anymore.

Learn to write first and foremost for yourself! Write exactly what you want to read -- what the source material makes you think about. Part of this is writing stuff that you never publish. Write self indulgent mary sue stuff for only you in your notebook, notepad app etc. If you want to know how much of that I write, i have 200K words of it junking up my computer at any given time.

Don't worry about having to write everything in chronological order. Write what comes when it comes and then skip around to whatever comes to you next. On paper you can write scenes on post-it notes and rearrange them around to your heart's content. On your computer, simply type. ***something happens here** after a bit you finish and then go somewhere else.

Getting hung up on research, or misremembering canon? Just type what comes out of your brain and stick a little thing like [research this] or [re-watch/re-read canon] next to stuff that needs clarification and keep going.

Stuck editing when something's typed up? Walk away for a few days, change the font in your document to a new one and then come back.

Another editing trick can be changing the font and printing your fic out. Edit it on paper like you did in school with those peer reviews.

Read more published books, read poetry, read newspaper articles. Just reading more stuff can help you improve your writing. The public library is free and you can get all of this there.

Get an accountability buddy! This is a person who can check in with you about whether or not you are doing the thing that you are struggling to do. This can be good if you find another writer to do this with, where both of you check in on one another.

Don't worry about having your writing be perfect. It's fanfiction, and readers are often a lot more forgiving of simple errors than you might think. If you write passionately, readers can tell. At least for me, fics written by authors who are clearly passionate about the fic are the most enjoyable, even if they have some minor errors.

That said, make sure that you are using PARAGRAPHS, and line breaks between paragraphs. This is a top sin that makes many readers click away. Paragraphs help divide your text up and make it easier for readers to read. Make a new paragraph every time the topic, time, place or speaker changes. (every line of dialogue should be it's own paragraph. That is, each speaker's dialogue is a separate paragraph, and dialogue is separate from the narration). You can even have paragraphs that are 1 word (for emphasis) or one sentence long, if it makes sense.

Just use the word said. Use other words like "shouted", "murmured", etc intentionally to tell readers more about the tone, volume or sense of a particular speaker's words. Otherwise, use the tone neutral said. Make love to said. It's a good word to use.

The other big writing thing to keep in mind is correct use of epithets. (such as "the blonde woman", "the tall man", etc). Typically, you want to stick with using a character's personal pronouns and their name and only use an epithet intentionally to tell readers more about a character. Don't use them to use pronouns/names less. Just don't. Make your epithets a stylistic and intentional choice.

Other writers following me feel free to add more tips and resources!

Whew! That got long (as always, I am incapable of shutting up). I hope you find some of this helpful and you understand my original point better. Again, I really am sorry that people used my post to be mean to you. It's a feature of tumblr that can suck sometimes. I hope that you can go forward from now not posting these TOS violating things, and work towards feeling better about your writing and writing process. Writing should be fun and engaging and so should fandom. As a writer you're not a content farm; you're an artist and creator and when you write keep that in mind!

Take care of yourselves friends, and be kind to someone today!

there is a new scourge on AO3 that I discovered recently...

that scourge is "Placeholder fics". This is thing, where someone posts a "fic" on AO3 with a summary and tags (and sometimes even a complete tag), but when you click on the "fic" the content of the "fic" is something like:

"coming soon" or "in progress" or "an idea I'll write someday"

This is a scourge on AO3 tags that directly violates TOS Section IV, as it is spam (sect B) and inappropriate content (sect H) (not, strictly speaking a fanwork).

If you see these "placeholder fics" on AO3 REPORT THEM. It is easy to do.

Link the fic in report and in the description, you can write something like this:

The linked "fic" is a so-called "placeholder fic" where the author posts a work to a tag and the only content is the words "In progress". The "fic" appears in tags, yet contains no content, so I would consider it to be spam. Thank you!

(This, btw is the actual thing that I wrote to report one of these a few weeks ago)

If you want to get jazzy you can even mention that you believe the "fic" violates TOS IV.H (which is what the AO3 mod told me in the email response to my report) or TOS IV.B.

You can report anonymously if you want afaik. Once you submit a report the AO3 moderators will get back to you at some point to update you on that report and action taken.

This is a simple way that YOU can make AO3 better today. If you see a "fic" that violates TOS in any way, REPORT IT. There are literally millions of fics on AO3 and the moderators can't possibly go through all of them without YOUR help.

I suspect that the people who are posting these "placeholder fics" are probably very young people who are very new to fandom and fanfiction and do not know better. If you are reading this post, and you are one of these people, know that I don't hate you, I just want you to know that what you are doing is a violation of the AO3 TOS and that it fills AO3 tags with spam, preventing readers from finding actual fic to read. There can be (and certainly are) MANY fics on AO3 with the SAME names, if that's what is motivating this.

AO3 isn't a social media site, it's an ARCHIVE for fanfiction. If you want to communicate with your following that you are planning on writing a new fic, use your tumblr, your reddit, your dreamwidth, your substack, your pillowfort, your livejournal, your bird site or whatever the fuck you have to do this. Link your socials in your bio on AO3 if you must. Mention it in the author's notes on your latest work. IDK, just don't post empty "fics" on the ARCHIVE.

[bardnuts]

OK HELLO my apologies for that aggressive intro I can totally see how it would come off as me coming to bite your head off. I promise I'm here with glee

I'm a hypermobile horse girl with a vendetta against Yarros for how dirty she did Violet

The best way to portray the EDS mindset is that there are no free actions. Some things, however, cost more than others. Run out of little energy points, and you could be down for multiple days.

The pain of EDS is a warning bell-- You can acknowledge it and push through (in fact, you have to for most of the day), but you do so by acknowledging that you'll pay for it later. It's kind of the lifestyle that you have to adopt where you reach your limit of what you can give without hurting yourself longer than a day, and stop there. Violet, though, was too special to ever get knocked on her ass. Boo! Lame!! Hiss!!!! Dull!!!!

Riding any kind of creature in a hard saddle with EDS can be a nightmare if you're not prepared for it. Saddle blankets are your best friend, but so is having fat. Violet should've been doing her best to get some fat on herself, not just that weird leg workout. She should've been bruised black and purple, because fragile blood vessels will do that to you.

I would've loved to see her seek out accomodations, or maybe fashion her own cane or crutches. It would've been cool to see her be visibly disabled beyond being just uwu tiny and pale and sometimes having some badass wraps. Also pain makes a person bitchy. Where were her days when she was too tired from giving all her energy to getting out of bed to be nice. Where was it.

Anyways there's more but it sounds like you got some good perspectives out there. Sorry for getting overexcited, hope you have a cool day

HEY!! Thanks for coming back, misunderstandings happen and I'm stoked to talk about this book because I have thoughts on it. (ftr to anyone reading this PLEASE send me asks about books I post about because chances are I could go on about them for hours).

I'm glad you're giving me more context here. When I read Fourth Wing I had no frame of reference for what EDS was like or even what specific disability Violet actually had. Hearing that there are interesting things Violet could have done in-universe to mitigate some of her symptoms (e.g. putting on fat, which incidentally would have been a pretty radical thing for a woman in a fantasy novel to try and do). I wish we'd gotten to see her pain and disability be more than an inconsistent trait that gets brought out only when it can do something cool for the plot.

Knowing what you're telling me now, the things that happen to Violet in the novel seem to be pushing the edge of absurdity. I wonder if Yarros--who, of course, is well within her rights to write a wish-fulfillment fantasy about overcoming a disability she has in real life--got carried away with the "wish fulfillment" aspect to the detriment of the actual story and representation.

Also, just to clarify, I did enjoy Fourth Wing but I also knew while I was reading that it wasn't a good novel. Disability misrepresentation aside, I could say a lot of really unkind things about it (or, I suppose, I could give it a real good ole-fashioned Criticism) so let me know if that's something you'd like to hear. I say I enjoyed it because it held my attention and there were a couple of moments that hit my "oh that's neat" funny bone. It has some fun scenes, but it's junk food. Just like the vast majority of poorly edited, heavily marketed YA "romantantasy" that's the standard fare for major publishing houses these days.

I do want to hear more of your thoughts, as many as you have. I also wish we'd gotten more Violet bitchiness. That could have been fun. She's a cardboard cutout (but then, so are all the characters).

[timeoverload]

I know I have been very unpredictable lately but that is simply because I have reached my breaking point. I know I said I wasn't going to talk to you until summer was over but I think I should clarify why I feel the way I do.

I don't want to spend every night on tumblr anymore. I used to enjoy it but I really need a break because I am burned out. I am too tired for this. I want to do other things sometimes but I'm always on here.

I also feel very hurt when you choose not to talk to me. I don't like how the only way we can talk is through tumblr posts. It causes so many unnecessary misunderstandings. Communication is extremely important to me if you haven't noticed by now. I would message you myself but I don't know if you are going to try to push me away again or not so I'm not planning on it. When I get ignored for an extended period of time, it makes me feel unwanted and I shut down. It's hard to believe that you are listening sometimes but I know you are. I'm getting sick of repeating myself but it doesn't do any good to do that. I have tried to meet up with you so many times but nothing ever happens. I feel like I can't get through to you.

Why do you get so upset when I run away if you don't want to commit to me? It doesn't make sense. I'm not sure how much freedom I need to give you. I'm getting a lot of mixed signals. On Saturday you posted something that lead me to believe that you are content where you are at and you don't want anything to change. You would rather sit at home and feel sorry for yourself. That isn't going to fix anything. I felt like you were trying to push me away so I backed off and gave you as much space as I could. It seems like you are emotionally unavailable due to your fears.

Sometimes I think you try to sabotage our relationship by ignoring me. I don't think it's always on purpose necessarily. You don't believe you deserve love and happiness so you push it away. You do deserve it whether you think so or not.

I know that intimacy and commitment are scary. I know that creates a lot of anxiety for you. It scares me too but I'm not going to let that hold me back. I already know that you are the one for me.

I think you need to think about the things you say to yourself. I can tell that you have a negative perception of yourself. You should be nicer to yourself. I know it's hard to reframe your thoughts but I think you need to try. I know I need to try to do that more often too. Affirmations sound silly but they do help. You should start paying attention to your good qualities more because you have a lot of good qualities. You are such an amazing person and I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Please don't beat yourself up about things that happened in the past because that isn't constructive.

I know that you had a tough upbringing and whoever raised you didn't show you enough affection. I think that they taught you that you aren't supposed to show any emotions and that you have to be tough all the time. You are very self-reliant for a reason. It's ok to need people around and express emotions! You don't think you need anybody around because you spent a lot of your life alone. You have a hard time being vulnerable and talking about the way you feel.

I am sorry that your family was so cruel to you. I understand that you have a lot of trauma and you are afraid to talk about it. I know you didn't have good role models when you were growing up. I think that's why you have trouble being in a healthy relationship because you weren't exposed to that when you were young. I think that is the root of a lot of your issues.

I can relate to you because I had similar experiences. I know it sucks but I think it's important to learn from those negative memories in order to prevent perpetuating the cycle in the future. You shouldn't let your past dictate you forever. You can create the happy life that you didn't get to have when you were a kid. You are free now.

I am not trying to make you feel bad about anything. I am just trying to understand you.

I don't know how much space I should give you because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't want to trigger you. I shouldn't have said that I needed you earlier because that is just going to send you running. I am independent but I know I'm not as self-reliant as you are. I need a little more help doing things than you do and I think that scares you too. I don't want to rely on you for everything.

I don't want to be needy but I could really use some support. I think you are also concerned about the state of my health. I think you might be afraid that I'm going to die and you'll end up alone. I think I would live a lot longer if you would let me be a part of your life. You could help encourage me to eat better because it seems like you know a lot about food. You could help me try new things and I could be healthy again. I can't guarantee I will like everything but I'm willing to try. I know I would like to be more active outside of work too. I know you like to go do stuff outside so we could go for walks sometimes. I could help you with a lot of things. I can be your emotional support. We could work on moving past our insecurities together. We can help each other.

I know you are worried that I will take you away from the things you enjoy but I'm not going to do that. We don't have to spend every second together. I like having alone time too because I'm very introverted. I don't care if you go and hang out with your friends. I might not have people to hang out with but it's ok. I can sit at home by myself and I'm not going to blow up your phone unless I have something nice to say or if there is an emergency. All I ask is that you make some time for me. I'm not here to control you, I am here to be your companion.

I'm not sure how much space I need to give you. I don't want to scare you away by trying to be affectionate. I want to be respectful of your boundaries but I'm not sure what they are exactly.

Honestly, I am a very touchy person and I don't want to bother you by being that way. I love hugs and holding hands. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I have to restrain myself every time I see you because I really want to hug you.

I definitely need some more stability and security in my life. I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster for years. I don't want to live like this anymore. I am ready to settle down. I want to be happy and healthy.

I'm not sure what to do right now. If I sit here and continue to complain, it isn't going to do any good. I know you want to know what I'm doing all of the time but this isn't fair to me anymore. You will continue to be complacent if I keep sharing everything with you. You will never commit if I allow you to have free access to my thoughts. I'm not giving you room to grow if I keep doing that. If you really want to be with me, you will make an effort to reach out or communicate with me in another way. I know it's scary. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack the last time I tried to send you a message but I still did it anyway. I know you can do it too. If you can take that first step, your anxiety will decrease from that point. Wouldn't it be better to know what I'm doing in real time so I don't have to write an essay at the end of the day? You wouldn't have to check my blog constantly to figure out what is going on. Aren't you getting tired of that?

I am going to remind you that I would never reject you. You already know I would say yes. If you came to me to talk, I would forgive you for everything immediately. I won't get angry with you about anything as long as you are loyal and respectful to me. What are you so afraid of?

Generally I'm pretty laid back despite my anxiety. You might not get that vibe from me considering so many of my posts have been dramatic. I'm usually very timid and quiet. I'm typically well behaved and I have good manners. I know I get upset sometimes and I have been trying to work on that but it has been tough lately. I just cannot forget to take my medication or else the demons come out. I don't like feeling like that and I don't miss feeling that way every day. I used to be awful without medication and I don't think I can live without it now. I'm not going to go back to the person I used to be and I don't miss having horrible intrusive thoughts. I am trying so hard to be a better person. I don't want you to be afraid of me.

I really think it would be best if I stay quiet for a while. I want to give you some time to work through some of your issues. I want you to get better. I don't want you to focus on me constantly because you are neglecting yourself. I want to see you happy and smiling. You have a nice smile. Just because I'm not posting things on here doesn't mean I'm ignoring you. I am still listening to you. You did the same thing for me for a long time. I am glad you listened to me.

You are allowed to contact me whenever you are comfortable doing so. You have all of my contact information already so you know how to get a hold of me. You have my permission and I have to keep reminding you that. I would love to talk to you.

There is never a "right time" to do anything so you don't need to wait for that. I don't want to wait until July but that is your decision and I can't make it for you. I am not trying to be mean or hurt you. I want to push you out of your comfort zone because I know you can do it! I want you to believe in yourself. You are capable of doing good things. You are in control of your life.

I really need to focus on taking care of myself too. If you saw the state of my bedroom, you would understand. It is absolutely unacceptable. I would not feel comfortable letting you see it. I don't know how I am supposed to tackle this mess I have made for myself. I don't think I have ever gotten this low before and I thought I had hit rock bottom a while ago. I wish it wasn't so hard for me to balance work with everything else. I remember that this happened when I was younger and in school. My room was always a disaster during the school year and it was difficult to manage my responsibilities at home simultaneously. During summer break I would deep clean my room and get organized but it would get messy again as soon as I went back to school. Going to school and work has always taken a lot out of me and it's hard to focus on other things. I have a difficult time finding a balance. I think that's just the way my brain works. It doesn't make it ok but normal people don't have this problem. I also have a lot of chronic conditions that started appearing when I was a kid and that has made living a normal life a challenge. It has gotten a lot worse as time has passed. I first started having symptoms of arthritis when I was in second grade and I thought it was normal for a long time. It wasn't just growing pains. I wish I wouldn't have been born so early either. I wonder how I would have turned out to be otherwise but I will never experience that. I need to try to love myself the way I am. I am just a little special but that's ok. I need to be grateful that I have been alive for 30 years because I didn't think I would make it this far. I have put my body through a lot. My life hasn't been easy but I'm pretty tough. I have to focus on surviving right now though. I can't be tough much longer. I thought I was going to have another episode today but I calmed myself down. I thought about taking medical leave for my mental health but I keep putting it off because it has been so busy and I don't want to screw anyone over. I need to stop worrying about work but it consumes my life and it sucks. I wish I could just fix myself. I am so tired and I hurt so bad. I can't do anything. I hate it. I haven't been eating or sleeping enough so I feel like a zombie. I am shaky even though I ate. I have been having more heart palpitations recently but that could just be a side effect of the supplements I'm taking or the muscle relaxers. I haven't been taking the muscle relaxers every day and I'm not addicted to them. I have been prescribed them for a longer period of time than what is usually recommended though so I need to be careful. I can't rely on them all the time unfortunately. I wish I didn't have so many issues. I feel like a burden sometimes. I am just a mess and I don't want to be a mess. I need to eat more and go to bed earlier if I want to feel any better. I do love my computer but I need a break from it because I spend the majority my free time using it. It can be a distraction sometimes. I need to give my eyes a break. I understand that you don't want to deal with my problems and I need to do what I can on my own. I need to work on nourishing myself and taking care of my responsibilities as much as I can.

I am also stressed about my mom and she has been a nightmare to try to deal with. I love her but she makes me so mad sometimes. I know that she doesn't understand what she is saying but she was being so mean to me earlier. She called me a slut and was making threatening comments because I said the wrong thing and triggered her. I had to mute the conversation again because it was too much. My grandma told me that my mom was pulling the staples out of her head the other day so that was concerning. She is going to get an infection or something. She can't plan anything and she is more forgetful than she was before. She can't make up her mind about what she wants to do. I want to help her but I am also afraid of her. She might be more prone to having outbursts now. It's hard to say because I haven't seen her in a long time. I don't think she is ever going to get help. I can't look at her messages right now because they make me upset. The nurse from the hospital called me to ask for my mom's number so I gave it to them. I doubt she will show up to any of her follow-up appointments. I hope she is ok.

I am just so worried about so many things. I don't have a lot of control over what is going on in my life at the moment. I am completely overwhelmed and I feel like shit. It has been a long day and I need to go to bed soon.

I am sorry I have to take a break from tumblr. I promise I'm not doing it to hurt you. I seriously don't have the energy right now. I have been writing for hours and I can't do this again for a while.

I am still around and you can still talk to me if you ever feel like it. I don't want you to think I'm fighting with you or ghosting you because I'm not. I just need to rest because I have been getting my ass kicked recently and I am very sick. I think you need to rest too. I hope that you will start feeling better. I hope that you will be kind to yourself.

Maxwell, I love you with all of my heart. I am always thinking of you. I also love everyone else that reads my posts without judgement. Thank you all for listening to me because it has helped me a lot. I truly hope everything gets better soon. I will return when I am able to.

💖💖💖