#Lena secretly just wants someone to prove they love her

[natalievoncatte]

She had it. She actually had it, in her hands.

Myriad. The ultimate weapon of a dying race, brought to Earth to subjugate its people and rebuild an empire from a shattered world, possibly the key to saving this one. The key Lena needed to unlock Non Nocere and

(take over)

heal the world. End all strife. Eradicate all conflict. No more pain. No more deceit. No more greed, or cruelty, a world without malice, a peace without end.

No more lies.

It was in her hands, such a small petty little thing, barely more than a trinket.

Lena dropped it too sharply on the stainless steel lab table, took three steps, and vomited, the contents of her stomach noisily splashing at her feet. It was the effects of portal travel, she told herself- like jumping from a great height and into cold water at the same time.

(oh god what did I do)

She just needed a few moments to steady herself, collect her bearings, clean up.

(oh god oh god I hurt her what have I done)

Then, she could begin her work immediately. She shrugged out of her coat and found a bottle of vodka, hardly her weapon of choice, and took a pull straight from it to wash the

(pain away)

sour taste of her own puke out of her mouth and dull the sour churning in her stomach, because she couldn’t get the image out of her head, the image of Kara lying broken on the fortress floor with green lines of agony carved in her flawless skin and the most heartbroken look of remorse and fear in her eyes.

(Lena don’t do this)

(please don’t do this I’m SORRY)

Snatching the Myriad core from the lab table, she went to shove it into place. The final work would take only a few hours and then…

Lena stopped. Her hand hovered inches above her work. All she had to do was make the connection, but something was stopping her, as if her own arm revelled against her. She tasted puke and alcohol in her mouth and she was crying, hot tears burning down her cheeks in razor lines.

(Lena please)

No more lies.

It was heavy in her hand, the alien device suspiciously heavy and cool to her touch. Why didn’t she just do it? She was here, key in hand, ready to open the door and she couldn’t do it. Why?

Gritting her teeth, Lena took it in both hands, staring at it.

This was good. This was right. Lena had given Kara everything. Everything! Her friendship, her support, her comfort, her secret council. She killed her own brother for her and what did she get in return? Lies! Deception!

(soft hugs and kind words and powerful arms shielding her from harm and strong hands… holding her)

It had all meant nothing. It was all a lie.

Right?

It was, wasn’t it? It was! It had to be, she needed it to be! If it wasn’t, if she was wrong, then she betrayed and tortured the only person who cared about her for what? For this fucking thing?

Lena held Myriad over her head. She hadn’t even been aware she’d raised it high, ready to smash it to the ground. Bringing it down, she stared at the device and saw a stranger’s face, a distorted visage of a pale, stress-thinned woman with red-rimmed eyes.

Oh God.

The watch! There was still time. It still had the coordinates.

Lena’s hand hovered over the watch. She could push the button and erase the only way she’d ever reach the fortress again, and it would be decided. She’d make it permanent, make it real. She could finalize the destruction of the most important relationship she’d ever had. Deny Kara. Give her up.

(leave her locked in a cage of agony)

Lena pressed the button.

The portal opened behind her with a gust of wind.

She stepped through.

The first thing that hit her was the cold. She didn’t think to put her coat back on.

The second thing was a right hook from Alex Danvers that sent Lena sprawling across the floor and Myriad spinning out of her grip.

“You bitch,” Alex snarled. “I knew it. I fucking knew it. I should have put a bullet in the back of your head the first time you set foot in my town.”

Alex stood over her, boiling with fury.

“I knew it was all a lie. I knew! I know what you did. You and your little lip bites and your flirty looks and your coffee dates. Was breaking my little sister’s heart part of the plan or just a sadistic bonus?”

For once in her life, Lena was truly speechless. She stared up at her attacker, absently touching the trickle of blood from her split lip.

“I didn’t, I wouldn’t,”

“You fucking did,” Alex hissed. “How dare you come back here? Didn’t you steal enough? Was the rest of the armory too much temptation for you?”

“I couldn’t leave her,” Lena choked out.

“Alex,” a harsh voice rasped, “that’s enough.”

Kara was on her feet, clutching her side. The Kryptonite had left her pale and pallid and hunched over a little, her normally bright eyes dull.

Lena pushed herself to her feet, wobbled, and started for Kara.

“Don’t you dare,” Alex stepped between them.

“I said that’s enough,” said Kara, pushing past her.

“I’m sorry,” Lena blurted. “Oh God, I’m sorry, Kara I…”

“Shhh,” Kara whispered. “It’s okay.”

Lena’s hands seemed to move on their own, palms cupping Kara’s cheeks. God, she was cold. She was shivering. Kara was shivering. She leaned into Lena’s grasp, falling against her.

“I’m sorry,” Lena whimpered.

“It’s okay,” Kara said, gathering Lena in her arms.

“The hell it is,” Alex cut in. “Jesus Christ, she robbed the Fortress of Solitude! She hurt you, Kara!”

“I hurt her first.”

“Kara, she’s right.”

Kara shook her head.

“You can’t just forgive her!” Alex almost screamed.

Kara looked at Alex, then at Lena.

“You’re forgetting. I’m Supergirl. I can do anything.”

The tears began to flow and Lena couldn’t stop them. She collapsed into Kara’s arms and sobbed, her body shaking with exertion.

Alex bent down and picked up Myriad.

“Give me that,” said Kara.

Alex looked at her quizzically, and placed the device in Kara’s hand.

She looked at it for a moment, then looked down at Lena.

“Do it,” Lena whispered.

Without the slightest appearance of effort, Kara closed her hand and the device exploded between her fingers, circuits and alien technology clattering to the floor.

“Let’s go home,” said Kara. “I think we need to talk.”

[shoshiwrites]

while spring is making promises outside — a flower shop AU featuring my OC Jo. Chapter 8/9. Some chapters a little NSFW.

Catch up at the link!

In July, she finds an apartment with Lena, Evie's friend. It's tiny but it's got hardwood floors and it's full of light. The walls are begging to be decorated. With entirely removable installations, of course. 

Move-in day somehow turns into a gathering, with Clara and the boyfriend who's no longer a face on the screen bringing beer and a rug for the floor, and Frankie with a cooler and Tupperware for the fridge that still needs to be plugged in, and her and Bill and Joe with the boxes. There aren't many of them, which she feels something about, and maybe the next thing is hope. Fran stops by later with the baby, toddling around the plush flowers and birds of the carpet's design. 

A while after they've all left, and Lena's gone to meet a classmate for coffee — in Clara's absence Jo feels obligated to raise an affectionate eyebrow — Joe comes back with a clean shirt and a bunch of dusk-colored roses in his hand. 

"You need a record player," he says, switching on the radio.

She makes a face. "Don't tell me you're secretly a snob." They've gotten in play-fights over his cassettes before, the ones he still insists taking with him in the truck on long rides to events. It is possibly very annoying that the truck, old enough to still have a cassette deck, justifies him in this regard.

"I got a friend who fixes 'em up."

"Can you get me a discount?"

"You think I'd make my girl pay for her own gift?"

Her heart jumps at that, without warning. "I'm your girl?" It sounds ridiculous when she says it like that, when she doubts what's standing there in front of her putting flowers in a jar.

"You want me to prove it?" 

She exhales, rolls her head back all exaggerated, and he laughs. 

"You like it when I say that?"

"Stop," she laughs. 

Faintly on the radio behind him there's a shimmering bassline, a drawn-out vocal. "Dance with me?" She doesn't move. "C'mon, gotta practice for the big to-do."

It's not for a couple more weeks, Bill and Fran's wedding. Joe's tux hangs in his closet, under the plastic, and her dress is still back at her old room. 

"I'm proud of you," she says, nuzzling up under his chin. The words are so quiet, and only for him. He kisses her hairline in agreement.  They sway for a few moments, letting the second stretch. His voice is warm against her ear. "Ma says I'm bringing you to dinner next week or I'm not invited." She freezes a little, and he only holds her tighter. "Hey, she'll love you. I showed my sisters some of your stuff and they're fighting over who gets to hire you first." She's still trying to straighten her shoulders. "Listen," he says, "they'll love you." Because I love you. "You're my girl."

The wedding spills over with joy. The arrangements are huge, orange and red and pink, and beautiful against the ivory. Fran has a crown of roses, and a little matching headband for her daughter. Everything is summer. There's fans everywhere for the heat, cold lemonade at the VFW hall for the reception. Jo hand-lettered the signs, with line drawings of the flowers. She can't hide her smile when she overhears the compliments.

Frankie sidles up somewhere between the hors d'oeuvres and the dancing and squeezes her hand. "We did good," she says.

"Hey, I'm not the genius visionary."

Frankie rolls her eyes, but it's full of affection. "Talent can only get you so far." She's smiling, blonde curls escaping her messy bun. Her voice goes soft after a minute, and low. "It was never about charity, you know that right?"

Jo's surprised to hear the tightness in her own voice. "Yeah."

Bill gets in his I told ya so's about 47 times while they're dancing. Her dress is stuck to the small of her back, the floaty chiffon printed with watercolor flowers, and her hair curls around her ears. Joe tells her she's beautiful; she's happy just to feel like a person, someone here in their body, taking up space. 

At some point they all kick off their shoes on the floor. It's all the old hits, the ones that get the grandparents dancing and the ones that make the twenty-somethings reminisce. Somewhere between Frankie Valli and Edwin McCain, he pulls her even closer. She's pressed against his chest, the dress shirt he's pushed up to his elbows. 

"I think I love you," she murmurs, quiet enough for only him to hear. It still shakes a little, bare. She can feel the way his hold goes even more tender around her. 

"That's good," he says. "Because I'm building you a desk."

"You're what?"

"You'll see it when you're over this weekend." They're not so much dancing anymore as him pulling her along, still caught on what he'd said. He kisses her, when he doesn't hear her say anything. Her nose brushes against the medallion half-hidden under his shirt. "And I love you too." The song ends, but they don't break apart. "You think I woulda hung around that much if I didn't?"

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Winter 2013 - The Beginning of the End and Dianna’s Private Tumblr

January 4, 2013 - Haylor Breakup

Taylor and Harry publicly split and leave us with this iconic picture:

January 10, 2013 - People’s Choice Awards

Haylor is done, Harry is back in the UK, but Taylor shows up with a hickey anyway.  (Dianna is in LA at this time.)

Some time this month Taylor writes How You Get The Girl which is about obviously someone who comes back to get the girl.  She references “standing in the rain” and “a long six months.”  It’s hard to know if these details are more “fanfic” or actual autobiographical details.

This six months may actually refer to the end of bearding for a while (because it seems like Swiftgron did reunite in Paris in early October.)  Exactly six months after Taylor started dating Conor Kennedy would be January 25th, 2013.

As for the rain...

It rained twice in LA this month according to weather reports on the 21st and on the 23rd:

Dianna is in LA at this point and has started a private Tumblr blog under the name whosirmesir (we verified it was hers over on @swiftgron-get-married - and you can click here for more on that if you’re curious and actually I did an entire podcast episode walking people through it if you’re like like to listen to an in depth breakdown of it click here for apple OR click here for spotify OR click here for google.  

I also recommend searching the whosirmesir tag on @swiftgron-get-married​ because we’ve logged a lot of interesting moments and connections to Taylor (quotes, art, and other items that tie DIanna and Taylor together.)

On the private tumblr on January 25th Dianna reblogs this:

It reads “i think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that...”

This is also the time period it is rumored that Dianna proposed to Taylor.  I’m not sure what to make of these rumors.  I have not been able to get anywhere near confirming them.  It’s entirely unsubstantiated - but I explored the rumor further in this blog post (click for link.)  And also on the podcast (will link just a bit down in this post because it relates to something else we’re about to discuss.)

February 4, 2013 - Dianna recommends “Far Nearer” by Jaime on twitter:

The lyrics are essentially:

“I feel better when I, you feel better when I I feel better when I have you near me

You Me You I do, I do, I do“

repeated over and over again

February 9, 2013 - Neruda quote on Tumblr from Dianna

Dianna posts a quote to Tumblr.  The translation is, “I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”

It’s worth noting that Taylor namechecked Neruda in the Red album booklet.

February 10, 2013 - The Grammys

Dianna wants to make sure everyone is watching:

And Taylor posts:

“Look what happened! :)”

She won for Safe and Sound:

And she performs her circus themed rendition of WANEGBT (where she mocks Harry Styles on stage making fun of his accent when she sings the “so he calls me up on the phone” part of the song even though this song was written before she was even with him.)

The only other time Dianna tweeted about the Grammys was when Glee was involved the year before.

February 14, 2013 - Achele breakfast and The Inside Source at Glee Tweet

According to a Facebook user Cory, Dianna, and Lea have breakfast this morning (or around this time):

Later that day Taylor posts the infamous tweet:

The Glee Episode “I Do” airs and there is no Taylor song included.  However Dianna and Naya’s characters hook up:

After the episode airs Taylor deletes her tweet.

As always I’m not entirely sure what to make of this but to me it boils down to three possibilities:

1.  The fandom seems to think this proves that Dianna purposefully tricked Taylor into watching her “hook up” with Naya on screen.  It’s completely possible that that’s the case but I think the next two options make a bit more sense.

2.  It was a simple misunderstanding or a joke gone wrong.  Taylor had a song earlier on that season of glee (Mine sung as a breakup song by Naya) and I have been told another song of Taylor’s was marketed for another glee episode later that spring.  Perhaps someone got their wires crossed and misinformed Taylor.  

3.  Other nefarious parties:  

a.  It’s possible that Lea was behind this - she publicly had beef with Taylor at one point and she had been with Dianna that morning.  Maybe she met up with DIanna, heard about Swiftgron being happy and back together and got a little jealous and decided to prank Taylor.  

b.  Ryan Murphy also seemed to despise both Dianna and Taylor around this time.  He was also famous for stirring up drama with Gleeks on twitter and generally sewing discontent (particularly surrounding wlw ships and fans).  Ryan seems to have a problem with women/lesbians in general.  He treated Brittana as a couple horribly on Glee as well as their shippers.

He very publicly shaded Taylor in season one of Scream Queens and said in an interview that Dianna ruined Quinn for him because he said she made her sympathetic. 

Not only that but in season 3 he destroyed her character - he made her have a mental breakdown - he had her try and steal a baby - he had her get hit by a car - and a huge plotline in season 3 was Quinn begging Rachel (Lea’s character so Dianna’s irl ex) not to marry Finn (played by Cory - literally the guy Lea chose Dianna over - this is like...emotionally abusive if you ask me.)  After season 3 Dianna only appeared in 8 episodes of the remaining 55 after being in every episode and the top third billed of the cast in the first three seasons.

Furthermore in a show called The New Normal there was a bitchy actress character named Brynn who he wrote as high maintenance and unpleasant and then killed off.

So yeah...seems fair to at least consider that Ryan or Lea who publicly had problems with both Taylor and Dianna may have been trying to create problems for Swiftgron.  One last note about Lea - there was not a single Achele interaction for the entire year of 2013.  The most we got was Dianna liking a tweet about Lea’s album in December 2013 and when asked about one another in interviews they would vaguely say they were still friends.  No tweets to one another, no birthday messages, no candids, no hang outs.  Lea’s book was also written around this time and does not make a single mention of Dianna - her former roommate and “best friend” even though she spends plenty of time talking about others on the Glee cast.

I did a podcast episode on both the proposal rumors and the inside source at Glee tweet if you want more extensive takes on that!

While I’m not entirely sure Dianna had anything to do with this tweet Taylor references this date (2-14-13) by putting it on a dollar bill as a serial number in The Man music video:

At any rate Taylor deletes the tweet and replaces it with one about her dancers:

Dianna tweets 9 hearts that day (I don’t know if that’s significant but if they were together from March 2012 to July 2012 and then October 2012 to this point it would mean 9 months together...)

February 19, 2013 - Sad Charlie Brown Tumblr post from Dianna:

February 27, 2013 - Fitzgerald quote

Taylor listed this as a quote to live by in an interview with Marie Claire a few months later.

I’m not sure if it’s important but Dianna is very quiet this winter and spring in terms of showing up at events, parties, even being papped out on the street compared to other years around this time.  She seems to disappear a bit.

February 27, 2013 - Taylor gives a bday shoutout to her Fiddle player Caitlin:

“Happy Birthday to my magical friend, fiddle extraordinaire @/caitlinbird” 

March 12, 2013 - Weird tweets from Dianna “One of those days.”

March 13, 2013 - It’s the first day of the Red tour (is that why Dianna had questions?)

About the Red Tour - the last act of the tour seems to be circus themed which may have been inspired by Dianna’s 26th birthday the previous year and really interestingly Taylor has a white rabbit, which is a reference to Alice in Wonderland (Dianna’s favorite piece of media ever) follows Taylor around stage during the WANEGBT performance as she’s dressed up like a circus ringleader:

March 18, 2013 - Dianna goes on a Girls HBO rant (we know who also loved Girls the show and its creator Lena Dunham (Taylor))

End of March - Lena and Ashley show up at the Red Tour backstage

Conclusion - Swiftgron is on but completely underground.  Dianna is blogging and tweeting romantic things about missing girls, Taylor’s interests, and secret love, all while watching Taylor perform at the Grammys and encouraging others to tune in.  Something weird happened with the inside source at Glee tweet but who knows what.  Dianna seems a bit restless and emo while Taylor leaves to go on tour.

Click here to keep reading!

[nymp21]

Never I’ve ever. (Baby danvers reader x Lena Luthor.)

Summary : you’re secretly dating Lena for two months. You haven’t told your sisters (Kara and Alex) yet because you’re quite afraid of their reaction (because Lena is older and they are quite protective around you) even if Lena is okay with it, she respects your decision to wait. One day Maggie ran into the two of you making love. You made her swear to never tell anyone. She agreed but said that you have to tell your sisters, that they would completly undertand. Tonight is the night of revelation, you’re planning to tell your sisters, you and Lena are dating but you’re too afraid. So Maggie has got a devilish plan ! She is quite a tease you know.

Warnings : Gifs are not mine. Mention of sex. 

Enjoy ;). If you want me writing prequel where Maggie surprises the reader and Lena making love, or a part two, let me know :). 

You were at the bar getting yours and Kara’s drinks and deep in your thoughts while the waiter was preparing them. You and Lena had planned to tell your sisters tonight, but you didn’t know how to bring the subject in the conversation. And you were scared of their reaction. You knew there wasn’t any reason to be, because, well they’re your sisters and you loved each others. Yet, you were sweating at the thought of it.

« So baby danvers ! » Maggie said making you jump. “Are you ready ?” 

She had a smile on her lips. Clearly she was enjoying it very much. Too much according to you. 

“No. I’m not. What if they tell Lena she is...”

“They won’t I can assure you.” She said putting a hand on your shoulder. There was a moment of silence as if she was thinking, then she spoke. “I may have an idea. Do you trust me ?” 

“Yeah ?” You wasn’t sure about that. 

Her smiled grown wide and it scared you a bit. 

“What do you have in mind ?” you said. 

“You’ll see little danvers !” She said as she returned at the table where Lena, your sisters, Winn, James and Mon El were sitting. You caught Lena’s glance at you and the smile she gave to you sent shivers in your spine and butterflies in your stomach. Yeah everything will be fine ! Then you saw Maggie winked at you and you had a bad feeling about all of this. 

“A Virgin Mojito and a Martini.” said the bartender giving to you two glasses. 

“Thank you !” 

You paid and you returned to your table. Kara welcomed you with cheers as you had her drink. 

“Thanks for the Mojito (Y/N). Even if alcool don’t really do anything to me, I must say this coktail is so delicious.”

You were about to sit between her and Alex but Maggie interrupted your move. 

“Oh (Y/N) there’s room between me and Lena.” 

You caught her wicked smile. What was on her mind ? You really started to worry. Then you sit between your almost sister in law and you secret girlfriend. Who discreetly entrelaced her fingers to yours under the table. Her soft touch was reassuring you as everyone started conversations.

“We should play a game !” Say Maggie suddenly. 

“Yeah ! Great idea !” Winn agreed. “Wich one ?”

“How about : Never I’ve ever ?”

“Are you sure about that ?” asked Alex with a frown. “I don’t really want to see my baby sister drunk after two sips.” 

“Hey !” you protested “I’m not that brittle. I can handle alcool !” 

“Yeah... Do you remember when you danced on the table last time. You only drank two beers (Y/N)” said Kara apologetically. 

And everyone in the table nodded, inclued Lena. 

“Come on you two ! She is an adult ! Let her live !” Maggie defended you and you were suprised. You found by the look of her that this was the part of her plan. “This game will prove you that your baby danvers is not a baby anymore. So who begins ? (Y/N) ?”

“Okay.” 

You thought for a moment before speaking again :

“Never I’ve ever lied to my parents.”

Everyone looked sternly at you. 

“What ?” 

“Seriously (Y//N) haven’t you got more boring question ?” said Winn. 

“Okay, okay, let me think... Never I’ve ever come home so drunk that my baby sister has to lie to my parents about me getting sick to cover me.”

“I hate you (Y/N)” Alex said drinking one sip, shoting you a furious glance and you chuckled. 

“Okay Lena your turn.” said Maggie. 

“Never i’ve ever be mad in love with someone.” 

“So cute.” Maggie commented and everyone drank. Lena caressing your hand and smiling at you. You smiled back getting her adorable message. 

Winn and Mon El went next with some question. Then it was Kara’s turn. 

“Never I’ve ever be afraid of high.” 

“That’s easy for you, you can fly !” you groaned drinking with Winn. You sister stick her tongue at you. 

“Never I’ve ever be a total baby when I am sick.” said Alex looking at you in the eyes. 

You sighed. Your sisters were really annoying tonight. 

“You guys plan to get me drunk or what ?” 

And you drank. 

“Ok, it’s my turn.” Said Maggie with the same wicked smile as ealier. “Never I ever had sex at work.”

Ok that wasn’t so bad, you thought. Then you saw Lena blush and drink one sip of her beer. Oh god. You remember now. 

“Hahaha I knew  that Lena Luthor has a thing for office sex !” said Maggie. 

Oh you have no idea you thought blushing too. 

Then you saw James drink too. 

“No way !” said Kara. “You ?!”

“Yeah... why not !” He told with a smirk. 

Then it was your turn again. 

“Never I’ve ever use my officer badge to have some free food.” you said. 

“Fair” Maggie conceed with fairplay driking her vodka.

You knew what she was planning but you’re totally in. You hasn’t be the one to suffer. You will make her regret her stupid idea. You were deeply in thought and it was Maggie’s turn again. Her Wicked smile was wide as ever. 

“Never I’ve ever call my girlfriend/boyfriend, Daddy during sex.” 

You went pale, then red. No she hadn’t dare... you watched her with disbelief and she smirked at you. Then you heard Alex groan and say. 

“Seriously baby... I didn’t need my sisters to know that” and she drank. 

And Kara made a sound of disgust.

“Totally worth the look of your face” responded Maggie but looking at you not at her girlfriend. 

She knew it of course, because when she caught you and Lena, she heard you. Oh God she promised never tell anyone. She was pure evil. You took you glass, hand trembling and face totally blushing and you drank earning silence at the table as everyone stared at you, mouth open. 

“... and I totally didn’t want to know that about my baby sister.” added Alex still in shock. 

“Me neither” murmured pale Kara. “ And I even can’t drink enough to make me forget about it.”

You were mortified and after your turn, Lena decided to avenge you. 

“Never I’ve never promising my friends that I would help themp and get to tease them at the end.” She said, looking Maggie in the eyes. 

Still, the inspector smiled and drink after murmuring that this was still totally worth it. 

A complete turn passed and then this was at Maggie again. And you knew what she was goign to say. 

“ Never I’ve ever be called daddy by my boyfriend/girlfriend during sex.” And she drank starring again at Lena who drank after her. 

“What ?!” Alex almost screamed looking between you and Lena as she seemed to understand. 

“ Oh I didn’t know you were a top Lena” Said Kara totally oblivious at the revelation. 

“Kara... you don’t understand.” Alex told her.

“What ?”

“And i’m going to ask a second question, because that’s my game and I do everything I want : Never I’ve never be, and still be, in love realtionship with someone at the table.” 

Kara, Mon El, Alex and her drank and then, Alex and her looked at you. You turn you head towards Lena. 

“Cheers ?” she said with her glass up. 

“Cheers...” you murmured and then drank with her. 

There were a silence as everyone figured out what juste happened and Maggie was smiled at you. 

“Wait... (Y/N) and Lena are together ?” realised Kara. “Like a couple ?”

Everyone nodded. 

“That’s great !” She said smiling at each of you. 

“Yeah this part is great.” Conceed Alex. “Kara... you DO realise that we’ve just learnt that our babysister and Lena had a dady kink in bed ?!”

“I told you she wasn’t a baby anymore.” Said Maggie with a smile. “Job’s done little danvers.” 

“Ahd how do you know about this ?” asked Alex suspciously. 

“Well...” sarted Maggie. 

“NO !” Lena interrupted her. “You don’t want to know about it Alex.”

Kara and Alex looked at each others. 

“Well... I think i’m going to get drunk to forget about the daddy kink part, but i am happy about you two. Really. I love you (Y/N) and I’m happy you choose someone as lovely as Lena.” 

“Yeah we are.” said Kara “Cheers to the two lovebirds.” 

Everyone cheers you up and Lena kissed you tenderly. 

“I knew everything was going to be fine.” She said to you. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” You answered. “And I think it’s my turn.”

You looked at Maggie. 

“Never I’ve ever used my handcuff in bed.”

“You’re dead little danvers” she said drinking again. 

“Payback is a bitch Sawyer”.  

[lifeofanerdygirl]

For the Sun Can Burn yet Without It There Is Only Darkness

The gif above that I created of Kara’s smile in 5x15 inspired me to write this. 

//

Laughter. Smiles. Love. Warmth and happiness. That’s what life is like with Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor couldn’t be happier. That is until she finds out Kara’s secret which breaks her heart, shattering it into a million pieces and descends her into darkness and loneliness. Can their relationship ever get back to where it was before?

Or

A journey of Lena’s emotions focusing on the aftermath of learning Kara’s secret.

//

Kara Danvers was like the sun, her smile emitting a powerful ray of warmth and happiness to those around her. For the ones who were struggling flowers in a garden, life flowed through them once more, allowing them to grow and bloom into something beautiful.

Just ask Lena Luthor, for she knew this all too well. Her life was completely turned upside down the day Kara Danvers waltzed into her office. As they grew closer, evolving from acquaintances to friends to best friends, she had the pleasure of spending more time with her and witnessing that radiant smile on lunch dates, movie nights at Kara’s apartment and many other various occasions. It filled Lena with nothing but warmth and happiness and she bloomed and grew in Kara’s presence, flowering into something beautiful. Her life became more meaningful and enjoyable, something she didn’t think was ever possible being she was a Luthor. 

Yet, with any sunshine, carried the risk of potentially getting burned. It seemed that whenever Lena got close to someone, they ended up betraying her at one point, leaving scars on her heart that wouldn’t ever completely fade away. One of her more recent betrayals occurred with her former best friend, now business partner Andrea Rojas, several years ago. Because of this, she closed herself off, building her walls up high and constructing them out of one of the most durable materials possible.

When she moved to National City she concentrated on her work, rebranding LuthorCorp into L-Corp and rebuilding it as a force for good after its reputation was tarnished by her evil brother. Business relationships were fine while personal ones were set aside. After all, she did not come to National City to make friends she had once declared soon after arriving. Despite all of this, after meeting the literal sunshine that was Kara Danvers and getting to know her, those walls slowly came crumbling down. Kara clearly was in possession of the one tool that was able to break down the almost impervious material that surrounded her heart. Thus, Lena eventually allowed it and opened up, believing that she wouldn’t get burned again, especially by someone so kind and wonderful as Kara.

Alas, she was proven wrong yet again after several years of friendship. Kara betrayed her like Andrea had, keeping a secret locked deep inside for her own benefit with Lena discovering it in the most unpleasant way. The words Kara Danvers is Supergirl spilled out of her psychopathic brother’s mouth moments after she had just fired a bullet from her handgun and severely wounded him. Her whole world came crashing down in a matter of seconds, descending it into nothing but darkness with cold and loneliness rapidly overtaking the warmth that was once present in her heart.

In the time that followed, Lena never admitted to Kara that she was now aware of her secret and allowed their life to continue on as normal, wearing a smile on her face in her presence. She was a Luthor after all and to pretend to be okay was nothing she hadn’t done before.

It wasn’t too long after that Kara eventually divulged her secret to Lena, as the guilt had finally consumed her completely. Breaking down in front of her, which Lena had rarely seen, a tear-stained and emotionally wrecked Kara explained And I just kept thinking... if I could be Kara, just Kara... that I could keep you as a friend. I was selfish and scared, and I didn't wanna lose you.

Lena’s heart shattered and her whole world came crashing down once more and she couldn’t prevent the tears from forming in her eyes. After Kara had finished her apology, she begged Lena to say something but instead of responding and admitting that she already knew, Lena simply strode away. 

Moments later, she presented the speech for Kara’s Pulitizer Prize, afterward declaring you will always be my best friend. To Kara, it seemed like everything would be okay and that her secret would not completely tear apart their friendship. However, little did she know that it was all just an act and Lena was the main actress performing her part. No, her heart had shattered into a million pieces, not once, but twice now because of Kara’s secret, and this was not something that could be forgiven that easily or quickly. She knew that she would only continue pretending everything was fine to keep up this facade as part of her plan to inflict this same pain that Kara had caused her. 

In the months that followed, she secretly worked behind Kara’s back on Non Nocere, a project designed to control one’s mind and not allow them to cause harm to one another. All while continuing to use Kara for her benefit to further the project along. Her heart, in the meantime, was torn between the kindness that Kara still showed her despite everything that had happened and heart-wrenching pain from the betrayal.

Circumstances turned sour quickly on their adventure to The Fortress of Solitude when Kara caught Lena with Myriad in her hands. After weeks of pretending that all was fine between them, the tension building up like a full pot of water being set on the stove to boil, Lena erupted with anger and heartbreak screaming at Kara with tears streaming down her face don’t you understand what you’ve done? She explained that she knew Kara’s secret long before she told her, it coming from the devious mouth of her dying brother whom she had just shot no less. The pot had finally reached its boiling point and overflowed, leaving scalding burns on her and Kara, both experiencing pain from one another that they had never felt before. Pressing a button, she locked Kara in an ice cell laced with kryptonite, using the Fortress’ defense systems against her. You shouldn’t have treated me like a villain she muttered, Myriad still clutched in her hands, before exiting through a portal to continue the next phase of her plan.

Now, the darkness was no longer buried deep inside and consumed every part of her. She could feel it overtaking her heart, deep within her bones, coursing through her blood, and consuming her mind. She distanced herself away from Kara, continuing her focus on Non Nocere, the cold and loneliness ever the more present. Even when Kara managed to pry her way into her space soon after, begging for forgiveness with tear-soaked eyes and to stop whatever she had planned, Lena shot her down, not wanting to listen to anything the Kryptonian had to say. It was too late for forgiveness.

She was almost successful in launching Non Nocere, yet Kara and the DEO had managed to thwart her plan. Therefore, it was back to the drawing board as she contemplated what her next step would be. Crisis, however, threw a wrench in her plans, creating a whole new world, with a whole new set of problems, the main one involving none other than her brother, Lex Luthor as he was now adored by the people of Earth and head of the DEO. She really was in hell.

However, despite this, she knew Lex could help move her project forward and therefore after he offered, she chose to side with him. Kara, of course, completely against Lena’s decision, didn’t argue too much this time, knowing all too well that it wouldn’t do any good. In the end, she simply uttered just be careful with a small smile before taking off from Lena’s balcony and into the skies of National City.

Several weeks passed and, with some help from her brother, her project had made progress. However, one evening Kara touched down on her balcony donned in her Supergirl suit yet again, wanting to speak with her.

Let me guess. You're here to tell me once again that I should forgive you. Or maybe that I shouldn't work with my brother? Lena asked, her tone harsh and cold. 

Not this time. I recognize that I made a mistake in hiding my identity from you for so long. But the past is the past, and I can't change it. Forgive me or not, that's your choice. Just like it's your choice to work with Lex. I'm done blaming myself for your bad decisions.

Then why are you here?

To tell you that from now on you're accountable for your own actions. If you decide to forgive me, I will be there for you. But if you continue to work with Lex, if you go through with whatever it is the two of you are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like I would any other villain.

With that, Kara turned around and flew off, leaving Lena alone once again with tear-soaked eyes, a pain in her heart and more pieces of their relationship shattered on the floor.

Yet, despite all of the pain and heartache she had caused, deep down Lena missed Kara, her literal ray of sunshine, for she didn’t realize how much she needed her until she was gone. At this point, Lena was nothing but a flower withering away, only worsening day by day due to the lousy treatment from her brother. Yes, Lex was helping her, but deep down she knew it was only for his own benefit and was just stringing her along like she was his puppet and he was the master puppeteer.

Time would only tell if their wounds would begin to heal and they would be able to join forces once again, collecting and repairing the shattered pieces of their relationship that laid scattered upon the floor.

If not, then they were doomed to be enemies, proving that once again, just like her brother, a Super and a Luthor just couldn’t ever be together.

Lena prayed the latter wasn’t true.

[ravenforce]

Muse

Prompt: "Hey, could you write a Lena Luthor Alex Danvers (you can choose the one you like) where the reader is an artist (painter) and have been secretly in love with one of them and the reader paints about how they feel but Alex or Lena don’t know why they paint such things??"

Requested by: @pressolo23

Pairing: Lena Luthor x Reader

Word Count: 1912

Warning/s: None, except it’s long.

A/N: Hey guys, you know the drill. I don’t own there characters. Also, all mistakes are mine. Sorry! I hope you guys like it.

***

Art has been a part of you for as long as you can remember. Growing up, you would much rather stay indoors and draw than go outside and play with other kids your age. You're an only child, your parents indulged your every whim; which in that case is just art materials. Your parents would even take you on a trip out of town sometimes, so you can, as they say, find inspiration elsewhere.

You just moved to National City. After your parents' early demise, you moved around a lot. Until recently, your art curator best friend, Markus, asked you to come to National City and work in his gallery as a resident artist. You agreed easily, you haven’t seen him after he moved away and what do you have to lose anyway.

Moving to National City proved to be a wise decision. You're putting some roots; you're renting an apartment a short distance from the gallery, you're getting along well with your employer and his other artists, you're also making friends outside of work. For the first time in a while, you feel like you're finally living again. Painting though is still a struggle sometimes. After your parents' accident, you struggled with your art. Even Markus noticed when he was viewing your latest piece.

"Don't get me wrong (Y/N), your technique is spot on but something seems to be missing," he mused while carefully studying your work.

You sighed, you know it's true. It doesn't have a soul.

He saw you looked down, he patted your shoulder and said, "you'll find it again, I know it."

***

A few days after, Markus announced that the following week a benefactor will be visiting the gallery and the studio to meet them. The gallery will host a small party. You're not new to these types of events, so you just shrugged and went back to your studio to try and rectify your current predicament. Of course, you know it's somewhat futile to force inspiration to come when it won't. So you just ended up sitting cross-legged in front of your last creation and staring at it.

The day of the party, you decided to play nice and dress up for once. You're wearing black trousers, a white oxford shirt, and black oxford shoes. You look nice, most of your friends you left at home would even say you look like your normal self if they can see you. When you stepped into the gallery that night, you expected the setup - typical. What you didn't expect was for the said gallery benefactor to be a beautiful, young woman. Probably the same age as you.

She looked up and met your eyes. Not to be cliche but when your eyes met, you felt like the wind has been knocked out of your lungs but the colors of the world that you've been missing for the past year has returned. You were speechless, you felt like you're on auto-pilot. Next thing you know you're standing next to Markus and he's introducing you.

"Ms. Luthor, this is one my artist, (Y/N)(Y/L/N)."

She offered her hand. "Hi, nice to meet you," she said.

You shook her hand. "Pleasure is all mine," you answered as confidently as you could.

“(Y/N)? You’re the one painting the dystopian cities? They’re inventive,” she said with a smile.

You fought down the urge to blush, but when someone as beautiful as Lena Luthor compliments your work, there’s no fighting it. “Ah! Yes, they’re an experiment though. A way to explore another subject and style,” you said politely.

“(Y/N) used to paint portraits,” Markus said.

“Used to?” Lena asked. You just smiled sadly at her.

***

The next morning, Markus was beyond surprised to see you at the studio bright and early. You’re already on your studio, priming your canvases and preparing your brushes and paints. “Are you gonna say hi, or are you just going to be creepy out there,” you teased him without looking up from your canvas. He let out a genuine belly laugh.

“I was actually trying to be polite. I didn’t want to risk disturbing you when you’re clearly on a roll,” he said. You turned towards him and rolled your eyes lovingly. He’s a really good friend, even after all this time.

“Get out of here, and don’t disturb me unless you’re dying,” you bantered back. He walked away from your studio laughing. After Markus left, you put on some classical music and started painting. You didn’t hear from Markus or anyone of the artist in-house artists until lunch time. They asked if you wanted to join them, which you politely declined.

It was two hours after lunchtime when you decided it’s time to get some food in you. So you washed your hands clean of paint, and the smell of turpentine. You pass by Noonan’s; it’s past lunch hour so there’s not a lot of people. Plus the smell of freshly brewed coffee is calling you. You were waiting for your takeaway when you heard someone call your name. You turned around and saw none other than, Lena Luthor. You took your food and coffee-to-go and walked to her table. She’s sitting next to a bubbly blonde woman, and a broody redhead.

“Late lunch?” she asked when you step beside their table. Everyone is watching you.

“Yes, I forget to eat when I’m in painting.”

“Oh, you paint! You must be (Y/N) from the art gallery. Lena talked a lot about you. I’m Kara, by the way, I’m Lena’s best friend,” Kara said, beaming from ear-to-ear. Lena bowed her head trying to hide her blush. Kara seems to be unaware of what she just said.

“I’m Alex, Kara’s sister. Lena’s less nosy friend,” the brunette said, clearly trying to diffuse Lena’s embarrassment. You chuckled.

“Yup, I’m (Y/N). I guess that makes me Lena’s new friend?” you said. They invited you to sit down and you ended up eating there too. Before parting ways, the Danvers sister invited you to game night the next day. You looked to Lena before agreeing.

“I guess, I’ll see you tomorrow at game night,” she said before leaving.

***

Since that day at Noonan’s, you have been accepted to Lena’s group of friends. You got closer over time. Close enough to visit her in the office with lunch, or drag her out early for dinner and drinks. Close enough that she invites you in her penthouse when she has a particularly bad day and doesn’t want to go out. Close enough for her to talk about her family history, her trauma, her pain, her insecurities. On these occasions, you would come back to the gallery and finish your newest collection.

Lena never questions why you never invited her to your place or your studio. She trusts you, but sometimes she wonders if you don’t want her there. One afternoon, you texted Lena if you can come by her office. When you arrived, she’s already on her sofa with her shoes on the floor.

“Wow, isn’t it a little too early to be slacking off, Ms. Luthor?” you teased.

She stuck her tongue out at you. And you marveled at how lucky to be witnessing this side of her. You sat next to her and handed her an envelope. She quirked an eyebrow before reaching out and opening it.

“Wow, (Y/N) your first solo exhibition in National City,” she said before she tackled you in a hug. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.”

***

Your exhibit was opening a week after you dropped the invitation to Lena’s office. Your exhibit features your works through the years, including a portrait of your parents, the landscapes from your home town, the dystopian cities series, and the one you’ve been working hard for all these past months. Lena arrived with Kara, Alex, Nia, and Querl. Markus met them at the entrance and guided them through the gallery. The group was pleasantly surprised to see some of them as a subject in one of your paintings - Alex laughing at Kara in-game night, Querl and Nia cuddling at movie night, Kara with a mouthful of potstickers.

“(Y/N) has a very good eye, and control to produce such intricate details using a brush,” Querl commented. Markus laughed.

“She’s been my friend since we were kids, (Y/N) has a talent remembering faces. It’s some sort of photographic memory,” Markus said. As they walked deeper into the gallery, the paintings have shifted from portraits to portraits of a woman’s back; sometimes hands, smile, and eyes.

“Guys, does this paintings look like,” Nia started.

“Lena,” Kara answered. She’s bouncing on her feet.

***

Lena is quiet while they continued to walk to the last room in the gallery. Everyone’s breathe caught. There are only three artworks in the room. On the left side of the room is Lena in her office; working in her computer with a very serious look in her face. On the right side is Lena laughing at game night. In the middle is Lena in her penthouse, wine glass in hand, without makeup and smiling softly. Lena is stack still in the entrance of the room, while your friends went in to inspect the paintings more closely.

“Don’t you like it?” you suddenly said beside her. She turned around so fast, you worried she might get whiplash. Your friends noticed you and started to congratulate you. You beamed at them.

“Why?” Lena asked quietly before she stormed out of the room. Your friends are confused, you’re not. Kara is already going after Lena, but you stopped her. You walked out of the room to follow Lena. She’s already out of the gallery when you caught sight of her. You jogged up to catch up to her.

“Lee,” you said as you caught her arm.

“Why?” she wants to cry. She thinks this is some prank. She doesn’t feel worthy of your attention, your affection. She doesn’t feel worthy of you. She’s out of breath from the power walking. You tucked a stray hair out of her face before looking in her eyes and said, “because Lee, you’re worth it.”

A sob escaped her before you pulled her into a hug. “In all the times, you’ve told me about your insecurities, I come back to the gallery to paint something about you that I love. And I love everything about you, Lee.”

She cried some more and hugged you back.

“I love you too,” she said after her tears died down.

[quxntumvandyne]

cold coffee cups

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader oneshot

words: 1.6k (short wittle baby)

warnings: fluff and mentions of injuries, sleeplessness

request: @minnie-marvel after the events of a tragic mission you find yourself unable to sleep. When you're up trying to keep yourself distracted you bump into an MCU character and end up having a midnight coffee date

summary: After a mission gone wrong, you can’t sleep. You go and get a midnight snack and someone decides to join you for a midnight coffee date. 

a/n: requested by my girl minnie! i love this request and had so much fun writing it, i hope you all love it! a new personal fav, but i love everything bucky lol shoot me. all my love, lena

MASTERLIST // join my taglist!

moodboard by my wife @lokiisragnarok (go follow her, she is amazing)

.  .  .  .  .

The pain, the blood, the bruises, and the heartache. It’s all part of the job but it never makes it any easier. Lying in bed, you thought about what had happened during the mission that afternoon and how you hope it never happened again. Missions were never supposed to be easy but you were an Avenger. You all were and were all taken down like it was your first fight. Sleeplessness had never been a problem for you but apparently, you would be counting sheep tonight hoping to get some rest.

Tossing and turning was no use, considering your shoulder was badly hurt during the mission. Every time you moved, it sent waves of pain through your body, feeling every muscle tense up in reaction. Your ankle was sprained, possibly fractured but didn’t hurt quite as bad. Maybe it was because Natasha wrapped it so tight you couldn’t feel it but you didn’t dwell on it too long.

After getting to sheep 78, you called it quits and knew you weren’t sleeping that night. You slowly sat up, using only your left arm to push you up and out of bed. The sheets were sweaty and your hair was damp from sitting in the bed, unable to cool yourself down. You hobbled into the bathroom, pulling off your wet tank top and threw it in your hamper, followed by your shorts and undergarments. Turning on the water in the shower, you decided to take a cold one to cool you down and soothe your blazing shoulder. You got a plastic bag from your cabinet and a hair tie and tied it around your ankle, hoping it would keep it from getting wet in the shower.

You looked in the mirror at yourself, only seeing messy hair, bruises all over your body and the look of exhaustion on your face. There was nothing worse than wanting to sleep more than you ever have but not being able to. Stepping into the shower you let the cold water run over your body, feeling instant relief. Not knowing how long you just stood there soaking in the icy water, you grabbed a rag and some soap, doing your best to wash with one hand. It proved difficult but manageable. After another 10 minutes in the shower, you decided to stop wasting water and get a towel to dry off. The rough fabric moved over your body, removing all traces of water from it.

Once you got to your shoulder, you winced, feeling every move the towel was making over it.

Moving the towel over your hair, you dried it as much as possible but it was still damp. It would air dry but it left marks on your t-shirt that you put on, just a plain baby blue one and some grey sweatpants. Sitting on the bed you slipped one white fluffy sock over your left foot, with your right foot unable to wear one due to the bandages.

You had been limping around your small room at the complex but decided to get a snack so you grabbed one crutch and put it underneath your right arm to take some pressure off your ankle. Shuffling down the hallway, you tried to be quiet and not wake anyone, not knowing someone else was already awake and had the same idea as you.

You stumbled up to the fridge and took a look around, not looking for anything in particular. Some fruit, bottled of water, some leftover Chinese food and bread. Nothing you wanted so you shut the pantry door, only to find a person standing behind it, inches from your face.

You were about to scream and jumped a bit but not before Bucky reacted quickly and put his metal hand over your mouth. Taking his hand and moving it off your mouth, you scolded him for scary you so late in the night.

“Bucky! You can’t do that!” you whispered angrily, smacking his right arm, loud enough to hear the echo of skin on skin.

 Bucky was laughing hard enough to make him double over but not loud enough to wake the others up. You didn’t think it was very funny considered your hurt your ankle when you jumped but it wasn’t often you saw him laugh, so it was alright.

“Sorry, didn’t think I’d scare you so bad,” he said, still wheezing from laughing. “Why are you awake?”

“Can’t sleep,” you said, fiddling with the strings on your sweatpants. “Why are you awake?”

“I can’t sleep either, but it’s nothing new for me. How are you feeling? I know you got a nasty sprain on that ankle and your shoulder is pretty banged up.”

“I’ll be okay.”

He cocked an eyebrow and walked past you to the Keurig, putting in a coffee pod and making himself probably the largest cup of coffee you’d seen anyone drink in a while.

“You want any? I drink it with just a little sugar but we have creamer too if you’d like.”

You blushed to see his shirt lift slightly when reaching for another cup, the long sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His metal arm was massive so it was hard to find shirts that fit him just right but this one did. He had some black sweatpants and black socks on, with his hair up in a bun. He turned to you as you saw his scruffy facial hair and bags under his eyes, but they didn’t make his blue eyes stand out any less.

“Y/N?” Bucky said, grabbing your attention and bring you back to reality.

“Yeah?” you said, not yet realizing you stared off into space for a minute.

“Coffee?”

“Oh, sure. Sorry.” He smirked at you and turned around again to put another pod in and start your cup. You attempted to waddle over to the table and sit, fatigue settling over on your body from the long day you’d both just had. Bucky noticed that you were having trouble so, much to your surprise, he came over and scooped you up in his arms like you weighed nothing and carried you over to the table, setting you down in the chair.

You wrapped your right arm around his neck and set your elbow on your stomach as he carried your over, laying your head on his shoulder. You were thankful to have a friend like him; you two were always watching each other's backs in combat and just in everyday life. You would never tell anyone that you secretly liked him more than just friends but always had to remind yourself that neither of you had time for that. You wish you did but, you could always dream.

After setting you down, he planted a small kiss on your head before walking back over to the coffee, something he only ever did when you weren’t feeling well.

“Thanks, Buck.”

“Creamer?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“You know how I like my coffee,” you replied.

“Creamer and sugar it is.”

You watched him make the coffee and bring over the mugs, one with the Stark Industries logo for you and another with a mug you’d gotten him for his birthday that said ‘I’m Not Dead Yet’; his personal favorite.

You sat together, chatting about the mission quietly, trying not to wake anyone before somewhere along the way getting into an argument about who was better at board games.

“Bucky, how many times have I beaten you at Monopoly?”

“Okay but I am so much better at Twister,” he claimed, knowing why he always said that.

“Taking off your metal arm to help you win is not winning, it’s cheating.”

“Funny that you use them as interchangeable terms, I still win.”

“By cheating!” you shrieked, causing Bucky to chuckle at your false anger.

“Whatever you say,” he said, taking a sip of his second cup of coffee.

You smiled at him, and said, “You’re infuriating.”

“Yet incredibly gorgeous,” he said mockingly, flipping his hair around in a bun.

You didn't know it was possible to roll your eyes harder than you already could but you did, laughing at his offhand comment. Then, an idea popped in your head.

“Let’s play Uno.”

Bucky looked at you confused, “Why?”

“To see who’s better at it. I don’t think we’ve ever played together,” you said, knowing you were good at the game and knowing you could beat him.

He looks at the vote on confidence on your face and couldn’t resist. “You’re on.”

After hours of playing the same game over and over, you had tallied up every win and loss but you both started to doze off and before you knew, your head was on the table, sound asleep as the sun would rise in a couple of hours.

. . . . .

You and Bucky had both fallen asleep last night while playing Uno, you beating him by one match before you both were too tired to walk back to your rooms. When you woke up, you could gloat about that fact that you beat him but he would accuse you of cheating; the argument never ends.

The next morning, Tony walked into the kitchen ready to start the team meeting to review the mission but was surprised to see two people already at the kitchen table, with two cold coffee cups in between them. He smirked and shook Bucky awake who was surprised he fell asleep at the table but got the go-ahead to take you back to your room so you could both rest for the day. He scooped you up again in his arm and kissed your forehead thinking you were still asleep, but could feel every second of that kiss and wished it had never ended.

. . . . .

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[ruffiorocks]

The Angel on Lena's Shoulder 😇

You know who would have made a great angel on Lena's shoulder? SAM!

Kara, as much as I love her and the idea of Supercorp, isn't a fit for that role, because:

1. She is secretly Supergirl and Lena doesn't know. So that is already Kara being less than honest and about something she would have a vested interest in.

2. If it was just Kara (no Supergirl) then Lena could maybe put more stock in her hopefully unbiased opinion.

3. Kara has already let Lena know at Thanksgiving she was not on board with this idea at all. No real discussion, just everyone telling Lena no.

4. Kara, as much as she loves Lena, has shown she does not have 100 % faith in her.

5. Kara doesn't like things being done without her being in the know or giving her approval.

6. Lena may trust Kara, but not Supergirl. It wouldn't have been fair.

James, well James is another bias opinion. He is so knee deep in with the Superfriends, mostly Kara, that he is most likely to take her view in things.

1. We already saw that James wasn't a fan of the idea at Thanksgiving.

2. When Lena did tell James, he hesitated before answering. He did say he supported her, but afterwards in bed he looked beyond awkward, like even he wasn't sure.

3. James only (kind of) supported Lena up until the DEO/Government approached her and offered her a contract. Something he was unable to see past or even give time to assess the benefits of. Probably because he is so and has been heavily involved in Super/DEO business etc.

4. James, as much as he trusts Lena now (or does he? ) has been bias towards her in the past and needed time to accept that someone who hasn't shown any signs of being evil actually deserved a chance.

5. James told Lena their relationship would effectively be over if she went ahead and took the contract. That isn't support, that's 'I don't approve and I'm not willing to listen, end this or we are through'.

6. James is a guy who thought that the Children of Liberty, Anti Alien Nazis, deserved to be given a voice. He even involved himself with them. Not someone i would trust to be the Angel on my shoulder when he can't even deal with his own crap and makes awful choices.

7. James had to learn to give respect to Lena. Something that as his boss and as his girlfriend, she was already entitled to. He ignored her authority as his boss and he told her he didn't want her love after she saved him from going to prison. She lied, yes. But she did it to save his ass and because he was so hot headed and full of himself that he could fix this without her help.

8. With all those issues, he doesn't qualify as the person who should be steering Lena in the right direction.

So Sam! Sam would have been perfect and here is why!

1. Sam was already friends with Lena. One of the few we've actually seen.

2. As far as we have seen Lena has never had to prove she's not evil to Sam.

3. Sam worked closely with Lena and knew the sort of person she was.

4. When Sam and Lena learned she was Reign she immediately trusted Lena to help.

5. Sam allowed Lena to keep her in that cell and essentially experiment on her. I think she doubted her in frustration once?

6. Sam doesn't have the bias of being heavily involved with the Superfriends or the DEO.

7. Sam may have even agreed with Lena.

8. Sam is more than aware of what a dangerous alien hellbent on killing people is capable of.

9. Sam killed a lot of people as Reign and she knows it. A good reason for Sam to agree with humans getting powers and being capable of fighting back.

10. Sam never thought Lena had nefarious ideas or took things personally like Supergirl did.

11. Sam always had respect for Lena, both as a friend and a boss.

12. Sam wouldn't have threatened to end her friendship with Lena for disagreeing with her.

13. I don't think Sam would be to worried about the Harun El situation. She has no ties to krypton, she wouldn't assume Lena has nefarious motives. Something that I think James and Kara would do.

So that's why I think Sam would have been much better as the angel on Lena's shoulder. Lena was really only left with James for this role. Since she knew Kara wasn't up for the idea. Plus she never sees her anymore anyway.

Lena should have more than just her boyfriend and an absent best friend to go to with her worries etc.

Also, just because you ask for someone to be the angel on your shoulder doesn't mean you are obliged to do what they say. They could in fact be wrong. They are there to advice you on what they think is right not to command you. But that doesn't make them right. Threatening to end things because you don't approve and aren't willing to really listen does not an Angel make!

Sam was/is in the rather unique position of having been the evil alien that murders those who cant fight back and a human who is now the one who can't fight back. I'd trust her opinion more than James'.

Some Reign Corp friendship would have been really great in this season!

[motorcyclegirlfriends]

man, i don't understand their insistence on shading lena so much(not her grey moral side, that's pretty cool and shows a yin/yang balance with kara), presenting her like a bomb ready to go off anytime. If they're so intent on making her evil why not actually have Lex show up, make her choose between her beloved brother and Kara so she can choose Kara and let supercorp be endgame like... i'm p sure the writers realize where it leads if they make Lena choose, so they just shade her "evilness"

They’re playing with the morality and darkness of the character because that’s who the character is.

Not who the person is—I’m not trying to say if you pop this person into reality that it’s inevitable that she’ll turn evil or even struggle in the same ways. I’m saying that when you take a character with her history and her issues and her fears you have to explore them for the story to work.

Who the character is defines what their story is about, and vice versa.

Let’s say you’ve started with an interesting premise and an awesome world, and all you need are some characters before you can get to the story. So you take your protagonist and begin throwing some of your favorite traits (and some other traits to play off of them in interesting ways) into a blender to see what sticks.

Perhaps they’re awkward, but funny. Insecure yet ambitious. Smart, but struggle with getting certain things. And then you go a little deeper. Where does the character’s insecurity stem from? Being socially awkward? Perhaps not. Perhaps you don’t feel you have a take on that idea that isn’t cliché.

Maybe the gaps in their intelligence, then. But why? It’s not interesting if it doesn’t go deeper. Absent parents who must be impressed for attention? Critical parents who are disappointed with anything less than brilliance? A formative experience in which the gaps in their intelligence resulted in something truly terrible?

You settle on something, and then you… write a story with nothing to do with their insecurity? I think not. The story is about your character, and your character is about this. (If you want your story to be about something else, instead create characters which are About that journey.)

Lena Luthor is about a deep ache, a need to be good.

Kara Zor-El Danvers is about finding home.

Alex Danvers is about being true to oneself.

We know this because of how they were built, the events which shaped them. Because of the setup before the real story begins:

Kara lost her entire world. Her home, parents, culture. Everyone and everything she knew. How could her story be about anything other than finding a home after that?

Alex had difficulty carving a space for herself as a kid because doing so would often result in Bad Things happening, and a heavy dose of perfectionism left her with very little room to be anything other than what she Had To Be. Do we not now want to watch her learn how to be healthy and to be assertive of her needs and to be imperfect and to just be?

And Lena. Lena Luthor, the emotionally abused kid in a family of terrorists, whose mother made her feel like she was never good enough, and who the world now never sees as good, full stop. Who fears becoming the monsters which hurt her above all else. Isn’t her story meant to be about recognizing and cultivating her own goodness to feel safe in her own skin?

Each of these characters strive to find happiness, but they all have different journeys to go on to get there. And these journeys examine the foundation of those needs to say something about them.

Lena can be good. Kara can feel at home. Alex can be true to herself. But, like in an essay, one must set up and address the counterarguments. This is where the story comes in. The story is the act of addressing the theme of the character’s counterargument.

If you have two characters in a fanfiction who do cute things with each other with no conflict internally, between each other, or otherwise externally, then you don’t have a story. You have a piece of a story (which people do love to consume anyway, because they’ve experienced the set up in canon that makes it feel satisfying).

But trust me, a 50 chapter fanfic of just this is not satisfying. Fluff only goes so far. It’s like eating only candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The characters must struggle and then surpass these struggles in order for the story to say, with confidence… anything. If you want to say that the intelligence of your character doesn’t matter as much as their heart, you have to prove it. Give them an obstacle they try to solve using their head and show them failing miserably. And then show them getting back up and using their empathy or their will to win the day, instead. Without that first failure, winning in that way falls flat.

And then with each success, offer a different counterargument. Another obstacle.

Your character who lost her world—who you wish to prove that one can overcome great loss through—is happy? In a relationship with a guy from a sister planet to her lost world who makes her feel pretty normal and at home? Rip it apart. Don’t just take it away, but make her feel worse than she was before he came into her life. And then have her build her life back up from scratch, with another angle to the argument.

“What if you tear away that answer? Can she still find a home? If the Romantic Love is destroyed, what is left?” the villain inside all of our brains asks.

Answer the question. Answer it a hundred ways.

Tell us the wrong thing: Supergirl. Just Supergirl.

Tear it down. Offer another: “And if I don’t have Supergirl, what do I have?” “You got me.”

The villain asks another question: “What if her home becomes sick at its heart? What if it becomes foreign to her through its hatred?”

It asks more: “What if her relationships became strained?” “What if someone she loves dies?” “What if she feels she doesn’t deserve her new home?” “What if this physical planet were destroyed?”

Answer them. Answer all of these questions with your story until your audience believes, “Yes, of course. She’s home. She’s home.”

Because once the character wins, really wins forever, the game is over.

If Lena Luthor is good, believes she’s good, is impervious to temptation or moral tests and doubts and the whole world believes in her goodness (or she finally feels free from needing that), her story is over.

Until then, this is the character playground we’re living in. Lena’s issues are about trying to defeat the monsters she fears within and have been since day one. The story can take breaks from tackling this theme so directly (slow burn, baby) but it’s always, always going to come back to this.

But it’s not always going to look the same! And it doesn’t mean she’s Secretly Evil or a time bomb.

The question is, “Can Lena rise above her emotionally abusive and ideologically toxic upbringing and be Good, or is she destined to be evil?”

Sometimes it’ll be about Lena wondering if being intelligent and cunning means she’s like her mother in other, nefarious ways. Or if she is responsible for what her intelligence results in down the line. Or it’ll be about proving to the outside world that she isn’t what they think.

Sometimes it’ll be about making mistakes which hurt people and how she can still be good even if she’s imperfect. Sometimes it’ll be about learning to recognize the parts of herself which need work—emotionally, relationally, and morally—and addressing those without self destructing because of her fears. Sometimes it’ll be about the nature of goodness. Maybe one day, it’ll be about helping someone with similar struggles while staying true to the lessons she’s learned.

Often, it’s about how healthy love can help her be good, and how refusing that kind of love can set her astray.

So, to address what you’ve said, of course the writers know what Lena would choose, in the end.

(Though the question isn’t really about two people, or choosing who she loves more. Even if Supercorp were canon, Lena would still be dealing with this until the story was over. Supercorp itself would be a tool to answer Lena’s goodness question.

And even without the shippy angle, Lena choosing Kara is a no brainer. Their relationship is clearly valued by the show and by Lena, and she has addressed how wrong her brother is already. That’s not her current struggle, nor the hardest one she’d face at this moment in time. Now, throw the perception of betrayal into it via Kara’s secret identity, and you’ve got something a little more interesting.)

It’s just that Lena has to keep making these types of choices until the show is over. Otherwise, she’s just furniture. A setting. Her real story is over.

If you’re not interested in various angles of Goodness™, or if you just love the character so much you can’t stand to see her morality under scrutiny all the time, I feel for you.

Personally, I think certain beats are a bit overdone (and that some of the undertones—like Lena fearing her own intelligence, for instance—could have been highlighted more to make it more dynamic) and that what we’ve seen so far could have been drawn out over more time while other, less obviously core issue-related things are happening.

But generally, I like it. This question of goodness is what drew me to the character to begin with.

Not just because of the Lex comparison—although it is connected to it.

It’s because it’s a story about emotional abuse and how it can get into your head and nurture qualities you abhor but fear you can’t escape emulating. It’s about feeling all twisted up because of what you’ve been through, and the struggle to keep those demons from hurting others while they whisper in your ear that it’s all useless anyway. That you’re just bad.

That’s something I’m interested in seeing, and one I haven’t really seen told this way before?

But it’s not enough to have her fear being evil and then just be good anyway. That doesn’t represent the insidious nature of emotional abuse nor the real work one has to do to overcome it. It’s complicated, and I want to see it be complicated, because when she overcomes all of that it will mean something.

Because the villain in our brains are already asking these questions (doubly so if you relate to Lena).

“What if she does do something bad? Really bad? Does that mean she’s evil? That she was evil all along and can’t escape it?”

I want the show to say, “No. She can come back from this. Goodness is a choice.”

Because I fully believe that their intent isn’t to make Lena evil, it’s to prove that she isn’t. To subvert our expectations set up by what happened between Clark and Lex. 

To say “No, this time friendship wins. Hope wins.” To refute that dread of inevitability caused by the familiarity of the story and, for Lena herself, that dread of inevitability because of who her family is and how she was raised.

It’s a hopeful show by design, and so it often has their main character try to get through to people, to change them for the better. Logically, this is the sort of story they’re going to tell, and personally, I’m here for it.

But it’s not going to go away.

[geekofmanyforms]

New Beginning  Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Please let me know what you think. I hope the discussion Damon and Elara have at the end isn’t confusing and too hard to believe. It just popped into my head and I went with it. Let me know if you have any questions. Just so you know, we will be getting to Elijah and Klaus - just not yet. I know, I know - we all love the originals, but we have to get through a few more plot points before then. So until then, as always, please review. This chapter has been edited by my Beta Casey.***

My screeching alarm clock woke me from a dreamless sleep — one I was extremely grateful for.

A tickling sensation on my cheek alerted me that Elena was still sleeping next to me. I brushed her hair off my face and wiggled my nose to rid it of the annoying itch. I gently pulled my arm from underneath her and slid from the bed silently. I couldn’t help but smile as I looked down at her sleeping, hair a tangled mess and mouth ajar. She drooled onto the pillow, and I contemplated taking a picture to use as blackmail at a later time.

There was no denying that she was a Petrova. With that came acts of selfishness and an incredible ability to pit brothers against one another. On the other hand, she was still my sister and had the potential to be an astounding person. She just needed a little help, that’s all.

I removed the hair that had started to cover her face as she tossed and turned. There was something more than last night’s dream bothering her, and I was going to find out exactly what that was. I sighed as her face scrunched with sadness and shook my head at the misfortune of what life had brought us. Sleeping in front of me was a beautiful young woman whose life was about to change drastically. She would be thrust into the supernatural, no matter how much I wished to prevent it. Even if I cruelly asked Stefan to leave, she would still be entangled in the supernatural world.

As I watched her, a feeling of resolve settled within me — I would try to protect her from what was coming. There was only so much I would be able to do, but I would still try. I almost laughed out loud when I realized she had gotten to me, the little Petrova brat! Admittedly, she had always had me wrapped around her finger, but now, I was simply no longer fighting it. She was my sister in this life, after all.

I grabbed some clothes from my closet and headed into the bathroom for a shower. When I was finishing up, I heard someone close the door to my room, and I peeked my head out of the bathroom. The steam followed me as I exited, and I tightened my hold on the towel that was wrapped around my body. My wet hair stuck to the side of my face as I peered around my empty room. Elena must have woken up, I’m sure that was all I heard.

I locked my bedroom door and pulled the towel from my body. I was just putting on my black underwear when I noticed someone on my bed. I screamed and grabbed the towel, covering myself in panic. I growled loudly when I saw it was just Rebekah, smiling at me mischievously.

“Damn you, Rebekah Mikaelson,” I panted, “Damn you to the pits of hell!”

I controlled my breathing and reached for my bra, which I had dropped in my rushed attempt to cover myself. Rebekah was perched on the end of my bed, her legs crossed and curly blonde hair bouncing slightly as she threw her head back in laughter.

“I can’t say I’m sorry El, that was hilarious. Besides, it’s not like you have something I’ve never seen before,” she giggled.

I hid in my closet and quickly threw on some jeans and one of my favorite band tees, the fantastic, amazing Linkin Park. I sat down at my vanity a moment later, looking at myself in the mirror. I brushed my fingers across the dark circles that had formed under my dull green eyes. The night before had taken the brightness from not only my eyes but my skin as well. I looked paler than typical, dry, and dehydrated.

I ran my hairbrush quickly through my knotted hair, wincing when I met a particularly rough patch. I grabbed a black hair tie and threw my hair up into a messy bun, too exhausted to care what I looked like.

“You look as bad as I do,” Rebekah said.

I sent her an artfully evil glare, one her Hybrid brother would be proud of, and stood, grabbing my jacket.

“I feel like death Beka. You should pity anyone who stands in my way today. I think I could even take on an Original if I had too,” I said, my voice dry.

As she stood, I couldn’t help but notice how her gray skin matched by carpet almost exact. My stomach rolled, and I knew I’d never been able to get that image from my head.

“Well, someone is in a mood today,” she said, looking into my eyes with worry.

I brushed past her and grabbed my dirty clothes from the floor, “I had a strange dream last night and then woke up to Elena in bed with me. Something similar happened to her, she had a nightmare of my death…on my birthday…”

I was unable to finish my sentence. Rebekah froze, her face a picture of pure shock,

“She saw your death? But how is that possible? You haven’t told her, and if someone else had she would have freaked and blown up!”

I nodded in agreement. If Elena had found out, I would have had an outraged sister on my hands. There was no way she could hide knowing about my curse from me.

“I agree, and that proves that something else is going on. I don’t think she had a premonition but the idea that she saw my death happening on my birthday—” I paused for a moment as I tossed my clothes into the hamper. “that is too close for comfort. Something is going on, and I need to find out what before she starts asking questions.”

I crossed arms and looked down at the floor.

“I don’t want anyone else knowing what is going to happen. I don’t want them being forced to live with that knowledge,”

Rebekah tapped her foot on the floor her face scrunched up in thought, “Oh my God! The Salvatores, they know about your curse!” she exclaimed, snapping her fingers. “What if they put the thought in her mind? You know that’s something vampires can do.”

I found it odd she could still snap her fingers, even though she was all but transparent. I thought over her idea, and the more I did, the more it made sense. It would be the perfect way for them to tell her without breaking the promise they had made to me. My lousy mood worsened at their potential betrayal.

“You’re right, that is something they would do, especially Damon. The dream I had was more of a memory — one starring him of course,” I hit my forehead with my hand repeatedly, “Stupid, stupid. How did I not even consider that?” I said in exasperation.

Rebekah picked at her white flapper dress, lost in thought.

“Well, I say you go to their house and find out. If they did this, you can’t let them get away with it,” she said.

I looked at my adopted sister, smiling at the determination in her expression. She surprised me, even after all these years she was still so strong.

“That’s exactly what I plan to do. I’m gonna get some answers. I don’t have time for all this extra drama,” I growled, “I swear if it was one of the Salvatores, I will not be very kind.”

I grabbed my car keys and headed towards Elena’s room. Her room was dark and empty,

Great, where had she disappeared too?

I walked downstairs and found the rest of the house empty as well. I took my bag from the table beside the door and left the empty house behind.

I drove to the Grill after receiving no answer when I called Elena and Jeremy. The Salvatores and any of their little tricks were just going to have to wait until I knew what had Elena so on edge.

I pulled into the Grill and hopped out of the car. Heading inside, I was greeted with the familiar smell I had come to associate with Mystic grill — food, alcohol, and tobacco. They were fairly busy, even though it was still early in the day, but this was a small town. For the younger crowds, it was pretty much the only place to hang out on a Saturday.

I looked around and noticed Damon wasn’t at the bar. He must still be missing his ring, something I knew would have him in a violent rage. At least I had a pretty good idea where I could find him. My eyebrow rose when I noticed Elena and Stefan speaking earnestly in a booth towards the back. Elena looked about as bad as I did, her face stressed and pale. I gave Stefan a once over and could see the fear he was trying very hard to hide. After growing up with him, it was easy to catch all the telltale signs that he was barely hanging on — whatever it was that he was discussing with Elena was a big deal. There was only one thing that could be causing this much stress on both sides — she had found out.

I had to admit I was a bit relieved. I had begun to fear it had something to do with Katherine secretly lurking here in Mystic Falls. I casually put my hands in my jacket pockets and strolled towards their table. When I was close enough to hear a bit of their conversation, I lowered myself to the floor and started messing with the shoestrings of my pink converse.

“You said you would explain everything — that’s why I asked you to meet me here,” Elena asked harshly, “When you google vampire you get a world of fiction. What’s the reality?”

So, they hadn’t gotten very far into everything… yet. I stood up and looked around; neither of them were being very careful, and I was afraid the wrong person would hear something they shouldn’t. When I was satisfied that no one was listening, I quickly sat down next to Stefan with a fake smile plastered on my face. Time to get this over with — it would do no one any good if she tried to hide the world I already knew about from me.

“Hey, Lena, everything ok? You both seem stressed,” I said, throwing my arm over Stefan’s shoulder.

He gave me an ‘Are you serious’ expression, which I, of course, ignored. Elena looked at Stefan in fear and tried to smile at me, but her nervousness shone through her doe eyes.

“Elara, this is actually a private conversation… could you wait at another table for me?”

I pulled my arm away from Stefan and kept my eyes on hers. I tilted my head to the side and gave her a sarcastic half-smile.

“Oh, Lena. No, this isn’t a private conversation, because I could hear everything you were saying as I walked up,” I said, turning towards Stefan. “You should use those enhanced senses to make sure no one is listening if you plan on having such an important conversation in a public place.”

Elena’s eyes widened in fear as her cheeks inflamed. She pulled her brown hair from her eyes and tried to act casual, “Ellie, that was a joke between us. You can’t honestly believe any of it,” she laughed sarcastically.

I leaned back in my seat and smiled at her. She had a sheen of sweat covering her forehead — she was anxious. Stefan kept his face down, but I could see him fighting a growing smirk.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and whispered low enough for only him to hear, “I’m going to tell her the basics later today, say anything else, and I’ll make sure I show you how good I am at giving a witchy migraine.”

A thick promise of pain was layered in my voice; I would deal with his possible betrayal later. He stiffened beside me and gave me a questioning look. I squinted my eyes at him and shook my head. I turned back to Elena, who was watching us with annoyance and concern.

“Elena, I know about Stefan and Damon. I’ve known since day one,” I said.

Her brown eyes filled with anger, and I watched several expressions fight for dominance on her face. Her jaw was tight, and she was opening her mouth to speak when I held up my hands and stopped her,

“Listen, I told Stefan to tell you. I never planned on keeping you in the dark, and you should know on my end that there is more to this than just their secret,” my voice was firm as I spoke. “but I can’t discuss it here, and I’d rather do it with Jer present as well,”

Stefan turned towards me in surprise. I frowned at him until I realized he thought I meant to tell her about the curse. I bit my lip and ignored him for now.

“So, I’ll let you finish your conversation,” I said motioning for the nearby waitress. “But when you’re done, I want you to call me, and we will go home for our own.”

A bleach blonde waitress sauntered up, staring at Stefan in admiration. “What can I get you?” she asked sweetly, still keeping her eyes on him.

I gave her an annoyed expression and turned towards Stefan smiling sweetly. “Could you get me a shot of Vodka, please?” I said, sticking my bottom lip out. I used my best sisterly puppy dog eyes. “I’m gonna need it today,” I said.

He sighed loudly and avoided Elena, who was staring at us with her mouth hanging open.

He looked at the waitress with a smile and spoke slowly and softly. “You’re going to get my friend here two shots of Vodka, no questions asked,” he said.

The woman blinked once and repeated what he had told her in a monotone voice. She walked away, and I watched as she poured my shots. I bounced lightly in my seat and smiled at him brightly. Compulsion was one skill I’d love to have.

“What the hell was that?” Elena scoffed.

I looked at her and shrugged. “It’s called compulsion, Lena. It’s a very handy little skill that all vampires possess. Stefan will explain more.”

The waitress brought over my shots, handing them to me with a blank expression. I looked down at them lovingly and downed the first with only a slight grimace. Before I could pick up the second, it was gone. I looked at Stefan and scrunched up my nose at him.

“That was evil!” I gasped.

He sat down the empty shot glass and smirked, “One is plenty for you. Its early, Elandra.”

It took a second for my brain to realize what he had just said. I had started to get used to them using my old name, but my eyes widened when I realized he had used it in front of Elena. I ground my teeth together, and his face paled when he realized his mistake.

“Elandra? Who’s that?” Elena asked.

I looked down at the table and inspected the worn wood like it was the most exquisite table in the world.

“Elara…?”

Elena’s voice rose an octave as she spoke. Stefan kicked my shin, jerking my head upward and forcing me to look at her.

“Nothing,” I said dismissively, “something we can talk about later.”

I hoped this would deter her from thinking about it right now. I looked at Stefan with a blank face.

“You’re paying,” I said with a matter of fact tone. I rose from the booth and looked at my sister “Call me when you’re done, Lena,”

I walked towards the exit as fast as I could. Damn those loud-mouthed Salvatores! I got in my car and sat back for a minute, contemplating what had just happened. With a small sigh, I started the engine and drove towards the Boarding House — I might as well get this conversation over with too.

When I arrived at the Boarding House, I immediately knew something wasn’t right. I could sense it. I had always had a second sense about these things — one the perks of being a witch for so long.

I got out of the car and looked around. The atmosphere was eerie and stiff, like something out of a horror movie. What had Damon gotten himself into now? I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes tightly. I should just force him to listen to me about Katherine — at least then he would consider leaving. My eyes opened slowly as the thought crossed my mind. Was that what I wanted, really?

I pulled off my jacket and tossed it through my open window and into the back seat of the car. While I walked up to the front porch, I pulled my shirt down and tightened my hair. Fidgeting had always been one of my tells, but it was something I couldn’t seem to stop doing when I was nervous. Even though I knew I could protect myself, I still felt utterly terrified of what I might find inside. I didn’t want to see Damon as the monster he claimed to be. I had already seen him attempt to hurt Caroline; I wasn’t sure how much more I could see without hating him, and I was more afraid of hating him then of what he had become. I sometimes feared that accepting what he was and that he sometimes killed people made me a horrible person, but truth be told, I’m a firm believer hat vampires shouldn’t fight their true nature. They were natural born killers, and as long as they killed for food and not fun, I was perfectly fine with it.

When I reached the door, my hand hovered over the knob as I debated whether I should knock or just go in. Damon probably already knew I was here anyway, and without his ring, he couldn’t answer. I shook my head and mentally slapped myself, then grabbed the knob and pushed the door open. I walked through the entryway and looked around, but didn’t find Damon until I walked into the living room. He stood in the adjacent dining room with his back to me. His cell was against his ear, and he was jabbering, his voice firm and angry.

“Where are you, Stefan? I’m trapped at the house — I’m getting really bored and really impatient, and I don’t do bored and impatient,” he growled. “Bring me my ring,” he walked back into the living room, his phone held tightly in his hand.

“Damn it!” he spat.

He walked over to the bar and filled a glass with bourbon, downing the amber liquid in one swift motion. I toed the rug with my shoe and was just about to speak when I noticed someone on the couch. I could smell something coppery in the air and my stomach twisted. I rushed over and bent down beside the couch — it was Vicki Donovan.

She was lying still, barely breathing, and smelling of blood and gasoline. I scrunched up my nose and removed the hand towel that was being used to cover her neck. The blood was starting to dry in places, so her skin pulled when I moved it away. I winced on her behalf, but she didn’t make a sound. Honestly, she looked too weak to care.

“What is this, Damon? Why are you playing with her?” I said, placing the towel back on her neck and applying pressure. “She looks like death! What were you thinking?!”

I yelled loudly, fury in my voice. He placed his glass on the bar and calmly walked over to us.

“Aw, don’t get blood on the couch!” he said exasperatedly.

I looked at him in horror. He took the towel and moved it away; this time, Vicki tried to protest.

“Please?” Damon asked with false politeness. “I got you good, didn’t I?” he said, eying the deep wound on the side of her neck.

My mouth was still agape as he sighed deeply and stared down at her in boredom. Would he seriously go this far just to have something to occupy his time? This was exactly what I was afraid of. I’ve been around many vampires in my time, but never long enough to deal with acts like this. I had witnessed them feed and taunt, but never had I seen one play with their food — not like this.

“What the hell, Damon?” I asked, throwing my hand in the air, still in shock. “Why did you do this to her?” I questioned.

He looked at me, his face empty of emotion. Even his crystal eyes were vacant, almost like he had flipped the switch. If I hadn’t known him for as long as I had, that would be precisely what I thought. Luckily, I knew that he was pushing everything down, but it was still there — he just wanted people to believe he was an unfeeling monster. No, I could fight for his humanity, not only for his sake but for Stefan’s as well. I wasn’t able to save them the first time, but I could now— I had to at least try.

“What? I had to feed, and for some reason, this girl just didn’t seem to want to die. So, I brought her here,” he shrugged. “I’m bored, Ellie,” he finished, his voice lacking any emotion.

I sat back on the table behind me and lifted my head to the sky as if asking for divine intervention. Honestly, at this point, I sort of was asking for divine intervention.

“Well, you’re not gonna be any fun today,” he whispered to Vicki.

I lowered my head and watched him closely as he stood up and walked to the side of the couch where her head rested. I tilted my head to the side, shaking it in disappointment. I knew trying to intervene wouldn’t make a bit of difference. If he wanted a plaything, he would have one.

“I’m so gonna regret this,” he sighed and bit into his wrist.

There was a ripping sound when his teeth met his flesh, and I shivered. He bent down and placed his now bleeding wrist to Vicki’s mouth. I looked away in slight disgust as she struggled.

“Drink up. Drink up. Don’t drip,” Damon said gently, running his other hand over the side of her face in an almost loving manner.

After a few seconds, she finally gave in and drank from him deeply.

“There you go, good girl, that’s it,” he praised softly.

I felt sickened, and I was sure that’s exactly what he wanted. Instead of running from the room, I decided to play along. At least then I could keep an eye on them.

I remained on the table with my arms crossed and watched as her wound healed almost instantly. When her eyelids fluttered, I stood and walked over to the bar. I grabbed a glass and filled it to the brim with Damon’s Bourbon. I heard him compel Vicki to go upstairs and take a shower, but I kept my gaze on the glass in my hand. I listened to her footsteps recede as she headed upstairs. I took a drink and enjoyed the burn as it slid down my throat. Sometimes I still couldn’t believe that this was what my life had become.

I sensed Damon behind me but ignored him.

“You gonna stick around for the party, love?” He whispered in my ear, his breath was warm and smelt of blood. The coppery scent made my stomach swirl.

I turned around and meet his heated gaze. He was testing me, and I knew it.

“Yeah, I think I will. I have nothing else to do today. It’ll give me the chance to make sure you don’t fuck this up even more than you already have,” I said, sitting my glass down without breaking eye contact. “Oh, and don’t call me love,” I leaned into him and ran my nose across his jaw. “You have no right.”

I pushed past him with a rough shove and sat down in an armchair by the couch. I crossed my legs and watched him make himself another drink, then pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Stefan.

“You need to bring Damon his ring NOW! Things are getting out of hand. You should have never tried to interfere with his plans, it only made things worse.”

Damon sat on the arm of my chair and leaned over me. “Who are you texting El, Boyfriend?” he asked, putting his hand behind my head. “Lover? Or…ohhhh girlfriend?” he abashedly said.

I slapped him on the chest as hard as I could. He fake pouted, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Your brother, actually. I told him he needs to return what belongs to you. I also told him how stupid he was to try and get in the way of whatever your planning. What is that, by the way?” I asked, raising my brow.

He patted my head as if I were a small child, and pulled me out of the seat before taking my place. I scoffed loudly and started to walk away before he pulled me onto his lap.

“What makes you think I’m planning something, Elandra?” he asked.

I laughed sarcastically and tried to pull myself away from him.

“Because, I know you, Damon — probably even better than Stefan does,”

I finally got out of his tight grasp, then walked behind his chair and put my hands on his shoulders. I rubbed his muscles with a firm touch, smiling at the low groan that escaped his lips.

“I was only asking out of courtesy Damon, or did you forget that I was very close with Emily Bennett?”

Before I could even blink, he was out of the chair and beside me. “What do you know about any of this, El? You weren’t around when it happened.”

Damon looked at me in confusion. I had gotten exactly what I wanted by bringing up Emily — Damon did have a shred of emotion left.

“Just because you and I were no longer speaking when you made your deal with Em, doesn’t mean I never knew about it,” I rolled my eyes and stepped away from him. “Emily and I burned together, after all. We were pretty close,”

I cleared my throat and decided to just do it — to tell him. He needed to know.

“I never wanted to tell you this Damon, but I knew when you returned,”

I closed my eyes at the sound of his gasp. I didn’t want to open this old wound, but it was necessary.

“I knew that you were back in town and I knew that you fell for Katherine. I knew that she had you under her spell. I just didn’t know that you had fallen so hard for her. It wasn’t until someone told me that you loved her, that I finally realized the truth. You had chosen her,”

I sat down, wringing my hands, and looked up at him. His eyes were squeezed shut, his face pained. I looked away and frowned. After he returned on leave, I’d expected him to come to find me. When Katherine visited and told me he was back and had been spending his time with her, I knew he had fallen for her. She had captured his attention, and I had been forgotten. It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing you weren’t good enough for someone you loved.

“How…did…” the anger in his eyes was hard as steel. “…was it Stefan?”

I shook my head and let out an irritated tisk. Not everything was Stefan’s fault.

“No, it wasn’t Stef — it was Katherine, actually. She told me you were home on leave. She and Emily visited me a lot. I trained with Em, and Katherine was never far behind,” I said, looking down at my hands.

He had started pacing while I spoke, and I could see the guilt in his eyes. I wasn’t bringing it up to hurt him, but he needed to know everything. I had mentioned to him several times now that I had spoken to Katherine in another life, and if I had, then it should be evident to him that Katherine wasn’t in the tomb. He had either heard me and refused to believe it, or had selective hearing.

“Katherine told you about us, and you never showed up and confronted me?” he asked in disbelief.

His face was a mixture of anger and something else, something I wasn’t able to place. It was almost as if he felt betrayed that I never tried to regain his attention.

“No, but she loved mentioning that you and Stefan fought over her. She never told me that you were sleeping with her, but it wasn’t hard to guess at, Damon. Besides, I figured if you didn’t want me to know you were home and hid away from me when I was around, then why bother with you at all?”

I sighed and stood from the seat. I walked over to him with my hands on the back of my neck — this whole conversation was tiring. I could feel the stress covering me like a lead blanket. Standing in front of him, I could see how hard this conversation was on him too. Yes, he was the one who cheated on me and had thought it was something that had been lost to time, but it wasn’t hard to see it was one of his biggest regrets. I guessed he hoped I’d imagined their relationship had started after I died, that he had returned to find me dead and gone, only moving on after grieving the appropriate amount of time. When I didn’t speak for a moment, he looked at me, running his hand through his hair. Not knowing what more to say at that moment, I let out an audible breath and let a half-hearted smile ease his worries.

“Listen, Damon, it was a long time ago. I got over it. I was told everything I hadn’t already known from an old friend in my next life. I also heard it from Katherine just a century after that,” I said, hoping he would bring up the fact that I was trying to ease him into the idea that she was living her life, and not stuck in a tomb.

When he didn’t mention it and just walked away towards the curtain covered window, I let out a loud growl of annoyance. He didn’t turn around or even acknowledge my outburst, possibly thinking it had to do with our past. In anger, I lifted my arm and opened my palm, and with one swift motion, I focused on Damon and pulled him towards me. A loud shocked gasp filled the silence as his whole body lifted into the air and came flying in my direction. I twirled my index finger, and his body twisted around and faced me. Without caring how much it would hurt, I closed my hand into a fist and dropped him. He landed directly in front of me, I smiled down at his crumpled form.

“Now that I have your attention, you are going to listen to me,” I sternly said.

He pushed himself onto his hands and knees and lifted his angry oceanic eyes to mine. “Damon Salvatore, I know how much she means to you, but you have to know she isn’t where you think she is. She never was. I - Have - Seen - Her!” I said enunciating the last part of the sentence.

He was breathing heavily, his eyes clouded. I bent down to his level and gently laid my palm on his cheek. I ran my fingers across his tense brow and bit my lip. I was past everything that happened between us, it was long since forgotten. I chose to only remember the good and to be honest, I didn’t blame him. He was a weak human man. How could I expect him to win against a beautiful vampire Goddess? She used all of his insecurities to make him believe she loved him and wanted him for eternity.

“Damon, you have two choices. One, you can remember that I would never lie to you. Or two, you can continue to try and find a way to open the tomb and see for yourself. Either way, I will be there to help you. No matter what, you are still my friend,” I whispered with a small sigh.

I stood, pulling him to his feet and leading him over to the couch he had placed Vicki on. We sat in silence, the only sound between us my slow breathing. He had long since sat still enough to remind me of a statue, not a single breath or movement to make him appear even slightly human. I watched him with concern for his mental wellbeing. I wasn’t sure what I could do or say to make any of it better. His body was slouched forward his head in his hands, elbows pressing into his knees. Tension filled his whole body, I wanted to touch him, to give him at least a small reminder that he wasn’t alone. I was buried so deep in my own thoughts that his sudden intake of breath caused me to jump so high the couch rattled beneath me.

“I’m so sorry for the way our relationship ended. If I had been around and not pushed your safety onto Stefan, then I would have been there to protect you. Instead, I was in Katherine’s bed as you burned to death,” he said, his breath hitching.

I licked my dry lips, unsure of what I was supposed to say to that. “No matter what, I would have died Damon, I’m cursed,”

He lifted his head and glared at me. “I blamed Stefan for so long, even though I should have been the one there. He knew everything, yet he kept it from you, even after I tried to get between him and Elena. He truly is the better man,” he whispered, so low I could not be sure that’s exactly what he said.

He gripped his hair tightly in frustration as he stood from the couch and paced in front of me.

“I have to know for sure. I have to see it for myself. After everything, loving her cost me, I can’t believe she would do that,” he mumbled, in an almost crazed fashion.

He walked over to the bar and grabbed the glass container of bourbon, lifting it to his lips. He started chugging it like a dying man finding an oasis in the desert. I shook my head in sympathy.

“Ok, Damon, ok. We will open the tomb,” I said slowly.

As much as I hated the idea of how broken he would be once we opened the tomb, I would help him. Until then, we both needed a distraction. Making a quick decision, I walked over to the stereo and turned it on. Loud music filled the room, and I made my way to the bar. He looked at me in confusion his brows raised in question.

I pried the bourbon from his tight grasp and filled a glass, raising it in the air with a sly grin. “We’re stuck here, for now. So we might as well have some fun!” I said, lifting the glass to my lips.

He softly chuckled with a small smile on his lips, but it wasn’t enough to reach his eyes.

“All is forgiven, Damon. But if you want to, you can make it up to me by showing me a good time. I’ve heard your good at that, Mr. Salvatore,” I playfully said.

He grabbed the small silver stereo remote and switched the song to something with an excellent beat. “That I am Ms. Miller,” he said with a tired smirk.

I sat my empty glass down and started dancing a circle around him and was quickly joined by Vicki. I hadn’t even noticed her return. I looked down to find that she was only wearing a bra and panties. I turned towards Damon, who was eyeing me expectantly. I almost laughed at the challenge and shook my head with a shrug. I connected hands with her, and we both lifted ourselves onto the table in front of the couch. I grabbed the bottle of Vodka she was holding and took a swig. When in Rome, I guess.

[latinalesbi]

God, you are right. I had never payed attention to the girl name. And Stef does say "Tess" in Padre. I'm so excited the writers are going there. This is so interesting.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Oh I had never realised the girl name from the couch was Tess Brown. Then if it's really her, this story is a big deal as they even become neighbours. And it's part of Stef important memories since she had to deal with her dad's reaction years later.

Yep, yep. We were actually slow on the uptake, the actress has had the name up on IMDB for a while, and Tess should have rang a bell. However, her name used to be Tess Brown, now it’s Tess Bayfield. She appears to be married to a man. That’s why it took the description of episode 2 to trigger that thought and then we knew for certain, same Tess.

And yes, absolutely this will be a big deal for Stef. It will hopefully maker her deal with that trauma and make her even more comfortable with her actual sexual desires. I am anxious about where all this is going, and it’s more than likely going to end up on a cliffhanger and extend into next season. I trust in Stef and Lena, so that’s the extent of that.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Oh I had never realised the girl name from the couch was Tess Brown. Then if it's really her, this story is a big deal as they even become neighbours. And it's part of Stef important memories since she had to deal with her dad's reaction years later.             

Same, in episode 2, I’ll at least have a plotline to focus on and ignore freaking Jesus and biofamily (secretly wishing he goes off to live with Gabe in a shitty apartment).

Anonymous said:                                                                      Yes yes yes just give us a full episode of stef and lena making googly eyes at each other. How awesome would that be?  and I wanna see them flirt with each other more!             

This really proves it, I mean we’ve seen more desire on Sherri Polo than we have in Stef and Lena sometimes. These 2 last promos though are really neat because they are definitely in character as Stef and Lena and I have never seen them flirt like that. Stef in particular is very reserved. Like someone said, it makes you want to see them back when they would have their first pseudo dates. Ugh, they’re so hot!

Anonymous said:                                                                      What do you think " The Drop-Off " means ?             

Oh anon, wouldn’t we all love to know. Secrets.... but it’s Sherri’s right? And my mind is really dirty. So. Ok, moving on.

[ageofwrathrpg]

Name: Lena Antonevna Spektor Age: 19 Ability: Aerokinesis Faction: LESYAS as a PROSPECT Faceclaim: Hailee Steinfeld Availability: OPEN

THE STORY || TW: Abuse 

There was always something wrong with her. Something lopsided, something off. There had to have been, naturally, or her parents wouldn’t have left her to foster care, bouncing around from family to family like a volatile pinball. They abandoned her when she was twelve, but somehow she always knew that they would. They said that it was the money. They couldn’t afford to send her to a good American school, to keep her, but on the days before her expulsion, they cried and cried and Lena understood. No one wanted a daughter that could do what she could. No one wanted a “freak” to carry their last name. What they didn’t understand, could never fathom, was that their little girl wanted nothing more than to be like them. She had never meant to lose control. Didn’t mean to suck the air from her classmate’s lungs, to stop their laughing at her hair or her nose or whatever, you know? She had never meant to hurt anyone. Before she was sad or angry, Lena was mostly just scared. How could nobody see that? Why could they not see that? They were supposed to love her. They weren’t supposed to lie.

Lena learned to disconnect, to build her guard and keep it up. She would practice her ability secretly, so secretly, on windchimes in the night. Her life became cyclic. Transplant, hurt, grow, and repeat. Sometimes, things would begin to get better; she would learn new normals and make peace with her life, but then someone would make a decision, watch her crumble, and leave her alone to pick up the pieces. She was sixteen when she finally met her new parents. All of the others had been posers, candidates that would see from the start that Lena wasn’t what they wanted. She hated them. Then the Spektors came into her life. They were a strange couple, tall and Russian and looking for something special. It was windy when they met. Very windy. Too windy to be considered a normal climatic phenomena. They spoke to her for hours with their thick accents and crossed legs. They weren’t awful. The weather stilled. And then the word ‘vila’ passed their lips, and the wind cracked a branch from a tree and sent it crashing through a window. She stared at them. They smiled.

As soon as she learned about them, it made sense that they would adopt her. Vilas both, with four miscarriages and a strange fixation with the Western world. They flew with her to Moscow and being in those airplanes with them felt like coming alive. It was only when she arrived at their home that it all became too good to be true. No two ‘genetics professors’ could possibly warrant the wealth that was built into their home. They trusted her with a trust that was more than trust. It made them stupid, but it also made Lena grateful. Their true professions were hardly tame: they were researchers for a gang called the Lesyas. They sat her down and told her everything, start to finish, with no room for forgotten details. She wanted to help – wanted to, but they were her parents now and gently refused. School first, gangs later, it was the Spektor way. Finally, at 18, she passed the USE with a near-perfect score. She was eligible for a scholarship, but, well, she had been positively itching to be a Lesya, and what a Spektor wants..  a Spektor gets.

THE CHARACTER

Lena was born of wind into chaos, a tempestuous tornado who understood the true meaning of being alone. She’s still hard to trust, but in those last two years that she has spent with her family, she came to understand the beauty of letting people in. She lives with her eyes wide open and her head (sometimes literally) in the clouds. She can afford to be vulnerable now, and it’s a nice feeling to lean on people she knows won’t let her down. The Lesyas’ warm welcome still sticks with her. She’s tucked the feeling of belonging deep inside her heart. If someone tries to take that away from her, she’ll have their head. Simple. It’s the Lesya way.

CONNECTIONS

Ekaterina ‘Kat’ Radimevna Kozlova - She’s truly lucky to have her as a trainer. Ekaterina is demanding and sincere and would never give Lena that pitying gaze that she loathes so much. Their many sessions have prepared Lena in a wide variety of skills, and throughout it all, their relationship grew into something like friendship. 

Yana Czarevna Grekova - Yana works with her parents, therefore Lena should be on her best behavior when in her presence. She would, she really would, but the first time they met, Yana was poring over a cadaver whose pornographic clothing and grotesque offal were more distracting than not. Their introductions were cut blessedly short when another researcher spilled chemicals on Lena’s coat. Now Lena associates Yana with dead prostitutes and the smell of burning leather.

Sergei Arsenyevich Vosteck - It’s nice to have someone her age in the Lesyas. Granted, he’s technically their prisoner, but the sentiment is still there. It wasn’t difficult for Lena to befriend Sergei. She’s kind to him, and call her old-fashioned, but his reciprocation is all it took for him to be likeable in her eyes.

Fyodor Grigorovich Kadinsky - Sometimes they’ll pose as father and daughter. It was never supposed to be this way. Too dangerous. Lena’s not ready for a glistening career in espionage, but Fyodor makes her feel safe. He puts her security first, always. He’s the best fake father she could have possibly asked for. It is a bit of a nuisance when his paternal instincts stretch the limits of professionalism, however.

Luka Viktorovich Ikashev - If Lena didn’t know any better, she’d think Luka was a Rostek spy, but no. No, they’ll train together and she’ll try not to kick his ass too hard and at the end of the day, they should really go out for drinks, but he’s always already gone. Poof! Just like that. Off to do whatever broody bullshit Luka Ikashev’s always preoccupied with. She wishes he’d just wind down for once.

[[ More Connections ]]

ETC

When she was in foster care, Lena endured her fair share of abuse. The way she sees it, people are guilty until proven innocent. They can’t be trusted, and she has the scars to prove it.

Lena loves coffee. Can’t get enough of it. It is, after all, the life force of all insomniacs.

Her ability isn’t a curse, despite what she believed for more than half her life. She can fly a kite and get that windswept hair in a matter of seconds. It’s fun, delightful, and the best thing ever. She resents her birth parents for making her despise it for so long.

Despite her surname, Lena’s American, born and raised. She misses slurpees and 4th of July fireworks. It’s not uncommon for her to make references to the pop culture she adores. The other Lesyas must think she’s odd by now.

Because her parents are nothing if not formal, Lena never learned half of the Russian language’s arsenal of cursewords. She tries to use them sparingly, but, really who is she kidding? She swore like a sailor when she lived in the States, and she'll swear like a Mudak once she learns the pronunciation.

[esdeem]

Anchors, an Overwatch Fanfic

Okay, I’m going to preface this by saying I’ve not done much revision work at all on this, so I apologize for any egregious errors in grammar, characterization, lore or quantum mechanics. I felt really inspired so I just let it flow. I might pick at it a bit and post it a few other places.

It’s inspired by this amazing artwork here and I hope this little fic tribute does it justice. Also there’s not nearly enough Lena/Emily stuff out there and I’m hoping we get to see more of their relationship in the future, as I think it’s really cute. (And yes, I really do think the two of them would be big Disney nerds.)

Author rambling out of the way, here’s the story. I hope you like it!

-----

Winston stopped marking the passage of time in hours, day or weeks. Instead, he counted how many jars of peanut butter lay strewn across his desk, and how many white boards he'd filled with calculations. Presently, those numbers stood at fourteen and six. Soon, he'd have to start raiding other offices to keep up with the workload.

“You are working yourself toward an eventual sugar crash,” a voice called out from the computer speakers.

“I'll deal with that later, Athena.” Winston mumbled, chewing on the cap of the erasable marker in his hand. “I don't imagine anyone's come up with any major breakthroughs in the unified theory in the last few days, have they?”

“There are currently no new academic papers to that effect,” Athena replied. “There is a man in Wisconsin with some new ideas, but in my opinion they rely too heavily upon Doctor Who and the Terminator franchise.”

“Which ones?”

“Genisys.”

“Ugh.” He scribbled a few more calculations, though perhaps Athena had a point. The details of quantum chemistry had grown fuzzy, and he noticed with embarrassment that he'd assumed a superfluid in the current design behaved as a Bose-Einstein condensation, which of course was foolish. He erased the details with his forearm and grumbled. Literally back to the drawing board--

“Winston,” Athena interrupted. “You asked to be informed when Ms. Oxton reappeared--”

She didn't even finish, as Winston dropped the marker and bounded out the door, and down to the main lab floor.

* * *

The gorilla rested his hand on one fist, a brow arched high. “Really.”

“Cross my heart, love. Saw him pull it out of the stone and everything.”

“And they couldn't see you?”

“Think they were all a little distracted, what with the whole next King of England being chosen. Funny way to pick a king that, don't you think?”

“Lena, you know the whole King Arthur story was a myth, right?” Winston smirked. “And if he really existed, he wouldn't have been anything like the old stories.”

“Okay, fine, you got me. It was just a field again, nothing really happened.” She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Y'know, a real friend would nod and smile.”

“I know, it's just... I keep hoping if I know when you're going, it would help me figure out a solution.”

“You don't want to hear it big guy, but maybe there's just... not a solution?”

“It's funny,” Winston said, ambling over closer to the containment field. “I seem to remember a member of Overwatch who believed in taking in a refugee from the moon and protected him from other people who claimed he was just a company asset. Someone who believed in his value, no matter what anyone else said.” He pushed his glasses back up and smiled. “You never gave up on me, Lena. I won't give up on you either.”

“Awww, you big lug. You're gonna make me cry.” She giggled, but then stood up and looked at a small table the others set up for her, where a simple picture frame sat. She remembered the day they took the photo, their first day in any of the six parks. The silver, geodesic  sphere behind them glowed in the Florida sun, but paled in comparison to the smile on the red haired woman's face. She'd dreamed of that vacation most of her life, and Lena hadn't told her until the day they boarded a plane for the United States. The trip had been almost perfect, save for the hurricane scare at the end. They'd not had a chance to see the Magic Kingdom itself, and to see the reveal of the majestic castle at its center. She promised to take them back one day....

She could close her eyes and see that smile, smell that perfume she always teased her about but secretly loved. If she tried, she could even remember the softness of her fingertips pressing against hers and the warmth of her embrace on a cold winter's day.

“You still don't want us to contact her?”

She reached for the frame, but her fingers passed through it. With a sigh, she reached into the pocket of her flight jacket, and her fingers closed across a small box, one of the few things she could still touch.

“She's better off not knowing about this, Winston. I'd rather she move on with her life, rather than keep holding out for a cure that might not happen.”

* * *

“It's safe?”

“Well, there's not really any guarantees, that's why they call the job test pilot, silly. But you know I've done a bunch of these already, right?”

“That,” Emily said, a crooked smile on her face, “Is a glorious attempt at sugar coating things.”

“I happen to know that someone likes their coffee with sugar and cream, so I tell her things the same way.”

Emily gave Lena's shoulder a playful shove. “You're terrible.”

“Guilty, but what does that say for you, then?”

“That I'm more attracted to your looks that your moral character?”

“How salacious!” Lena smirked, but then took hold of Emily's hands. “You know you're technically not supposed to know this, but if this works then we're going to save the lives of hundreds of pilots. And not just fighter pilots! Imagine if you put that in a commercial plane. They start to have engine trouble, they can just teleport it back to an airport for a safe landing.”

“Well then, Ms. Oxton,” Emily said, and squeezed her hands gently, “I shouldn't keep you from your mission to save the world.”

“Someone has to, right?” Lena reluctantly let go of her hands.“Oh, by the way? You might want to get dressed up while I'm off doing this. Someone might have scored reservations at Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester.”

Emily's eyes grew large. “You must really be expecting this test flight to go well.”

“Just a hunch, love.”

“I'll be ready,” she said, and let out a soft laugh. “I'm glad you told me, though. Usually you love springing things like that as a surprise.”

“Oh, maybe I'm turning over a new leaf.” Lena said, and pushed one hand into her pocket, and let her hand close around a small box inside. Silly Emily, to think she didn't have another surprise up her sleeve.

Emily had almost finished getting ready when Jack Morrison called with the news that the Slipstream vanished without a trace. And as the light swallowed the plane and its pilot, Lena Oxton's fingers closed around that same box as she apologized to Emily for missing their date.

* * *

“It's Higgs,” Winston announced. “Or more precisely, the Higgs Field. Whatever happens to Tracer during the accident, it prevents the bosons in her body from interacting with the Higgs Field. It's amazing, actually, because we had no idea that mass affected how we interact with time, and that does lead to some interesting implications for future research--”

“Winston? Focus.”

“Ahem, right. Sorry. We know how it happens, now we just have to figure out how to fix it.”

Angela Ziegler pressed a finger to her lips as she looked over the notes. Winston had done his best to simplify things, but the baffling world of quantum mechanics still provided a powerful obstacle. Lena Oxton's condition stood at a complex intersection of advanced biology and theoretical physics, and thus far attempts to combine the two fields proved frutiless.

To say nothing of the more practical concerns, which McCree once less than eloquently summed up as the pair discussed it with him in the room.

“Hard to give a shot to a ghost, ain't it?”

Dr. Ziegler still wasn't even sure how Lena had survived, since she'd not eaten anything in months. Perhaps the phenomenon that unmoored her from time halted the biological processes of her body. It made little sense, but to be fair nothing about this situation made any sense at all. She'd run a variety of simulations, but none of them came close to duplicating Lena's results.

And just like a shot, it wasn't as though she could take a sample of Lena's blood to study, either.

“If we could just bring her back in sync with our world, even for a moment...” she said aloud.

“I've tried a few different things,” Winston admitted. “But we never even know how long of an experimental window we have. She's vanished in mid conversation more often that not.” He jotted another formula on the board, stared at it a moment then marked it out hastily, growling.

“We have to be patient, Winston. If we give it enough time--”

With a roar, Winston punched the white board, sending it flying across the room. His skin started to turn red, electricity flaring around his eyes. “You know the numbers as well as I do! It's not predictable, but the mean amount of time she spends in our world is decreasing. If we don't hurry, she'll... she'll...”

Dr. Ziegler put an arm on his shoulder. “I know, Winston. And I know what she means to you. But your anger won't help her. Just... please calm down. We can't do this without you.”

Winston slowed his breathing, and slowly his skin started to return to normal. “I... I'm sorry. But we can't... I can't lose her.”

“I know. That's why you need to control yourself.”

The gorilla walked over to the white board and picked it up again. “I only wish Lena could control this, like the others can control their abilities.”

“Have you asked her to try?”

“Of course, but it doesn't work, at least not consistently. She's been able to phase in enough to move things just a little, but it never lasts.” Winston sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if McCree's right, and we shouldn't just call in a ghost researcher.”

“I don't know what's scarier, that you're considering ghost researchers legitimate scientists, or the fact the words 'McCree's right' just came out of your mouth.”

“It's not like we're having any better luck with our science.” Winston stared at the board again. “Of course, they'd say she was haunting this facility, or was even some kind of haunted thing.”

“There are haunted things?”

“Oh, all kinds of haunted items. Usually really old, and associated with some kind of tragedy in the past. Usually it's stuff like paintings or dresses. Oh, and dolls. Lots and lots of dolls.”

Dr. Ziegler said nothing, and Winston finally looked up to see the incredulous look she was giving him.

“Look, it gets really boring some nights here, and they play a lot of those shows at night,” he said. “But it's not like Lena's haunting us. She's very much alive, and it's not like she...”

Winston stopped speaking, the marker leaving a long streak on the white board. “That's it.”

Dr. Ziegler waited a moment to respond. “You need sleep, doctor's orders.”

“No no, I don't mean we call in the ghost people. But maybe that's what we've been missing.”

“What's that?”

“We've been focusing on curing Lena, and maybe she's right. Maybe that can't be done.” Winston wiped away the calculations and, instead of writing more, he started to sketch out a design. “But what if we didn't have to? What if, like a haunted object, there was something that kept Lena here? Like... a device that served as an anchor, pulling the Higgs field back toward her?”

“Then we could try to figure out a permanent cure.”

“There's just one problem,” he said. “I might be able to extend the field once it activated, but... she'd need to be wearing it first.”

“Which would require a greater control over her state than she currently possesses. I don't imagine you have any ideas on how to help her do that?”

Winston stared at the sketch and tapped the marker against the board. He turned to the side, lost in thought. As fate would have it, he found himself looking at a picture he and Lena had taken together, one that always stood next to his work station. Slowly, a smile passed over his face.

“You know why all those silly shows about ghosts said that some people stayed behind to haunt things?”

“I can't believe we're having this conversation, but why?”

“Because they had a reason to stay.”

It took her a moment, but once Dr. Ziegler understood, she smiled as well. They had a second, more important anchor after all.

* * *

When she was eight years old, Lena broke her left leg and right foot leaping from the top of a playground slide pretending she was a super hero. It happened only a day after the end of her summer term, and she spent her entire summer holiday between her bed and the sofa in the living room while she could hear the laughter and excitement from her friends outside. She longed to escape the house and rejoin them, but her parents said in no uncertain terms that super hero games would be off limits when she did.

Well, they said no playing but they never said no dreaming. Armed with notebook, pencil and pen she started to document her adventures as a super hero that could do a whole lot more than jump off playground equipment. In her version of things, Lena could copy the powers of other heroes by touching them. Really, it just gave her an excuse to use whatever power struck her fancy in the moment. She never gave the hero a name, until a friend visited and saw a drawing she copied from one of the books.

“That's not really yours,” they teased. “You just traced it.”

“What's wrong with being a tracer?”

The name stuck, and Tracer even became her call sign as a test pilot.

Those memories came back to Lena often since the accident, since both times she found herself unable to do much. Sometimes she'd reappear in the dead of night and beg Athena not to wake anyone, since she might vanish. She rarely found herself anywhere interesting during her time jumps, and never stayed there long enough to even see much, let alone start a decent conversation. Maybe she didn't have a notebook to record it all, but she could still dream.

Of course, a lot of her dreams dealt with food. Instead of rushing into a burning building to save the day, Lena imagined dropping off by the pub for a quick drink or a favorite spot for a bite to eat. Today, she went back to an old favorite. She used to stop by her favorite chippy at least once a week, where they always fried the fish while you waited. Little spots of oil singed your fingertips even through the paper. Then we went to the condiment stand, where she added the right amount of malt vinegar... or as her friends put it, “nearly drowned everything in it”. The aroma of the beer batter mingled with the tang of the vinegar.. it made Lena's mouth water just thinking about it.

She'd been just about to bite into the imaginary plank of fish when footsteps echoed from behind her. With a soft sigh, she stood up. “Can't a girl have just a few minutes to dream before you start running more tests?”

“...Lena?”

She froze.

“Lena, is that really you?”

Her fists balled up, and she drew in a halting breath. For the first time since the accident she felt afraid, and it kept her from turning around or even looking over her shoulder. The uncertain future, the increasing doubts of Winston and Dr. Ziegler, even the days when hope all but faded away, she could handle that. But seeing a look of pain on her face, knowing something she'd done brought tears to that beautiful face...

“You can hear me, can't you?”

It still took her a minute to find her voice. “You're still wearing that awful perfume, aren't you?”

“The one you gave me a bottle of for Christmas last year? Of course.”

“Only because you like the stuff, and I was daft enough to support you.” The silence hung between them a moment. “I didn't want you to see me like this, Em.”

“Your doctor explained it to me,” Emily said. “I don't understand it completely, but... I'm here now.”

“Truth is, I really hoped you'd get on with your life. Forget about me, move forward, maybe even start dating again and find someone a bit more normal. I can handle this burden, but I... I wanted you to be happy.”

“Happy.” Emily's voice drew closer. “I thought I knew what that meant, but then I met you. Hearing you giggle at my silly jokes, or make fun of how my hair looked in the morning, or hugging me after a long day at the office. Lena, it's hard to move on with my life when you are my life.”

“Em...” She still couldn't bring herself to turn around.

“You remember how you always made me a cake from scratch for my birthday, and insisted on putting the candles on it? I hadn't done that since I was a little girl, but you always made me blow out the candles and make a wish before I could eat it? That's what you brought me. You made me realize how special, how magical life really is. I did it again this year, and I made a wish again. You know what I wished for?”

“You know if you tell me--”

“I know, but I'll give you a hint,” Emily said, her voice starting to waver. “You just need to turn around.”

Dammit. Lena looked to the ground and closed her eyes, then slowly turned to face her. With a deep breath to steel herself, she opened her eyes once more. To her surprise, Emily wore a beautiful emerald green dress, her red hair cascading around her shoulders. And while her cheeks shone with tears, there wasn't a hint of pain on her face. Instead, she rewarded Lena with that perfect smile, the one she dreamed about seeing so often.

“See? You just made it come true.”

“You look amazing.”

“You think so?” A flush of red splashed across her cheeks. “It's... what I was going to wear that night.”

“And suddenly, I'm even more upset about the accident.” She giggled, and even drew a small chuckle from Emily as well. “I've missed you.”

“It's really quiet without you around. Believe it or not, I'm starting to hate it.”

“You might regret saying that some day.”

“If I'm lucky.” Emily reached a hand out.

“You can't actually touch me, you know.”

“I know, but someone taught me that it's okay to just dream sometimes.”

Lena lifted her hand. Truth be told, she dreamed of this often as well. She missed the little things, like just walking down the street with their hands locked together. Like the rest of her, her fingers had taken on a blueish glow, translucent enough to just see Emily's fingers through her own. They drew closer together, as she tried to stop just enough to make certain Emily's hand didn't pass through hers, to provide a stark reminder of how desperate her situation truly was. Closer, closer...

They touched.

...they touched.

Emily's fingertips pressed gently against hers, and the glow faded. She trailed her fingers down Emily's, to her palm. Wrapping her hand around hers, she gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I'm back,” Lena whispered. “You brought me back.”

Somehow, Emily's smile grew even more radiant than before. “See? I told you I wasn't going to let go of you so easily.”

With one swift motion, Lena drew close and pulled Emily into a tight hug. Both women started to sob as they held the embrace, Lena's head resting on her shoulder as she cried. After a moment, Lena lifted her head up and whispered into her ear.

“There's something I need to tell you,” she said.

“I'm not going anywhere.���

“This is hard to admit, but...” Lena bit her lip. “It was a box mix. Every year. I'm a lousy cook.”

Emily kissed her cheek. “I think I might be able to forgive you.”

* * *

“We can make adjustments as needed,” Winston said as Lena pulled at one of the straps that held the bulky contraption in place. “After it activates, the field generator will route the bosons in your body to the local portion of the Higgs field. I call it a chronal accelerator because--”

“Winston, love, I know you find all this really amazing,” she said. “But you lost me way back at 'It's simple physics'. Pretty much, I turn on the Matrix of Leadership here and I'm anchored back in the real world full time?”

“Yes, and there might be some interesting applications we can test down the line. More importantly, after it's been activated you won't have to wear it all the time. As long as you're in close proximity to the device and it still has power, you'll remain connected to our time.”

“Good thing, that. Would've made showers and changing clothes really awkward.”

“I did make it waterproof,” Winston said and pushed his glasses up with one finger. “I know how much it rains in London, after all.”

“Well, guess we'll give this thing a shot.”

“You'll probably want Emily in here with you,” Winston said, and glanced back to the lab's control room. “I should--”

“Stay here. You're as much a part of this as anyone.”

“She doesn't know about me yet, Lena. She'll think I'm like the others, and be afraid...”

“And then she'll get to know you, and love you like the rest of us do.”

“Like Reyes?”

“Difference is, Emily's not a raging asshole.”

“Point taken. I just, um, don't want to ruin the moment.”

“Okay, let me put it another way,” Lena said and jabbed a finger into Winston's chest. “If you so much as think about hiding in that control room, I will kick your butt.”

He sighed and took a few steps back. “Fine.” He pressed a button on his wrist comm. “Dr. Ziegler, we're ready to activate the accelerator. If you'd sent Emily in please.”

It took only a minute for Emily to make her way into the lab. She walked over to Lena, but stopped in her tracks when she saw the massive form of Winston standing across from them. She stared, and Winston could only manage a weak wave.

“Uh, hello. I'm Winston.”

Emily finally turned away from him, and to Lena. “Amazing. You weren't lying about the gorilla scientist.”

“Wait, you told her about me?”

“Before the accident even. Oops.”

“You are a walking security risk.”

“Guilty.” Inhaling sharply, she looked down at the chronal accelerator. “So, shall we turn this thing on?”

“If you're ready.”

She grabbed Emily's hands and gently squeezed them, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Now I'm ready.”

“You should take a few steps back, miss,” Winston warned.

Emily nodded and walked beside him. Lena pressed the buttons in the sequence Winston told her, and the center of the accelerator sparked to life with a faint blue glow. Seconds later, she felt a strange wave pulse through her body. At first, everything around her seemed to move it slow motion, then sped up even faster than normal. After a few more seconds, a pulse from the accelerator bathed the room in blue light. Lena looked at the device, then to Emily and Winston. The gorilla moved to a nearby terminal and started hitting buttons.

“Am I supposed to feel any different?”

“I don't know, but all the readouts seem good. Did you experience anything strange when you turned it on.”

“Like the real world acting like I hit rewind and fast forward on a movie?”

Winston grinned. “The blink and recall functions worked at start up! You're going to like those, but we can talk about them later. Now that you're stable, I'm sure Dr. Ziegler will want to run a few tests. You might have to follow her around, since your blood will be just as unstable as the rest of her, but it shouldn't take too long.”

“Fine, but first things first.” She threw her arms open. “Hug time!”

Emily ran over and fell into her arms. Winston turned away to give them privacy.

A second later, he heard Lena clear her throat. “Winston?”

He turned to see both Lena and Emily with their arms stretched out to him.

“Huh?”

“You're the one who brought her back,” Emily said. “So you're a part of this hug too.”

“But I--”

“You're my best friend, you big lug. So get over here before I drag you into it.”

With a smile, he walked over and gently wrapped his arms around the two. It would be the first of many he'd share with his new family.

* * *

She'd booked the trip only a week after the accelerator tests proved successful, though this time she let Emily in on their plans a little sooner.

“I decided maybe Ducasse wasn't really our speed,” she said as she showed Emily the plane tickets to Orlando.

“Not surprising me this time? You're losing your touch, Ms. Oxton.”

Silly Emily, underestimating her like that.

Getting her out of bed that morning proved the most daunting challenge, as Emily hit the snooze button at least five times before Lena finally gave up and pushed her off the side of the bed. A few beignets from the food court bought her forgiveness. Emily didn't even bat an eye as a private town car pulled up in front of their hotel and whisked them away to the park, long before the gates opened to the public.

“Commander Morrison knows some people,” Lena said, and Emily accepted it without question.

Save a few cast members, it was empty as they walked down through the gates and turned the corner. Lena didn't take her eyes off Emily's face as the castle revealed itself in the distance, framed by the shops of Main Street. Lena squeezed her hand softly.

“What do you think?”

“It's amazing!”

“We should get a picture, shouldn't we?” Lena said, and winked to the photographer behind her.

“Oh, of course!”

She never saw it coming, maybe because Lena just hugged her for the first two pictures. The photographer directed them for the next show, getting Emily in just the right position.

“And Ms. Oxton, I think you know your pose.”

She reached into her pocket, for the box she'd held onto since the day of the accident. She pulled it out just as she dropped to one knee and opened it to reveal the ring inside.

“Surprise,” she said with a sheepish grin.

The next picture was Emily answering that question with a kiss.