#Lena actually processing her emotions in a healthy way

[natalievoncatte]

Lena crouched down and carefully undid the buckle, pulling the watch from Lex’s limp wrist. His cold hand fell to the floor with a soft flopping sound and his eyes stared at nothing, unfocused and dull. Lena had once read that a dead man stared as if trying to solve a complex problem, but Lena did not see metaphor in her dead brother’s eyes. She saw only an absence that was a presence, a nothing that was somehow something.

Lex finally had his father’s eyes.

The gun was still heavy in her hand, her palm and wrist tingling from the force of recoil, ears still ringing from the blast. A single hole marked the center of her brother’s forehead; the meat of his genius was splattered across a bank of screens all playing surveillance footage of Kara performing inhuman feats.

(Two to the chest, one to the head, he had taught her, teaching her to repeat the mantra as he held her wrist to guide her aim as she took her very first shot)

The world was starting to come back, sweeping in. She couldn’t be here. She’d have to figure out what to do with the body and the evidence. She had to get out.

The interface on the watch was simple enough. The portal flashed open and she stepped through into her apartment. That could be convenient.

The watch crystal was dotted with her brother’s blood. She threw it and it skidded across the kitchen counter and it fell on the floor. She looked at the weapon in her hand. She would have powder burns.

Looking up, she spotted her reflection in the stainless steel of her fridge, blurred but real. There was red on her.

Lena never wore red.

There was more than she thought. She was covered in blood. In a panic, she ran for her bedroom and began shedding clothes on the tile floor of her bathrooms, wrapping the gun in a towel before throwing it on the bed. Stupid, stupid. That revolver was registered to her in Metropolis, and like all guns sold in-state, the police had a spent shell casing from it, fired and then stored for police records before it was sold.

Fuck.

Hot water blasted her skin. She let her hair fall down around her shoulders in wet locks like streaks of ink smeared across her pale skin.

(Why must you be so pale? You look like a dead fish.)

(That’s enough, mother. Leave Lena alone.)

She wasn’t sure when the tears started, or when she began to sob. She scrubbed at herself with a wash cloth and soap until her skin was raw and beet red. She was still sobbing when she stumbled out of the shower and threw on a robe, choking back tears as she sat on the edge of the bed.

She reached for her phone on the nightstand, but who to call?

Not long ago she’d have called Kara, or perhaps her sister. She could have called Nia or Brainy but they had all fucking lied to her. Even James. James knew while he was… while they…

It was Kara. Kara has asked her boyfriend to spy on her, questioned her motives.

Kara… Kara had lied most of all.

She stared at the phone. There was Sam, but Sam was away from all this madness, busy with her work and her daughter. Lena would just be a burden to her.

She stared at her list of contacts- the only people she knew outside of her employees and associates were in Kara’s circle, except for Sam…

…and Jack.

Lena jabbed the call button and waited.

It rang, rang, rang again.

Finally, he answered.

“Lena?”

“Hello, Jack.”

“I must say I’m surprised- it’s rather late, and we haven’t spoken in a while. What’s on your mind?”

“I shot Lex in the face,” Lena said, shocked by her own hollow, distant voice.

The line was silent for too long a beat.

“Dear God, you’re serious.”

Lena choked out a sob.

“I had to, Jack. She was never going to be safe while he was alive. He almost killed her this time. He would never let her live if he knew how I feel.”

“Lena, darling, please, you’re not making sense. Look- I’m booking a flight out there now, but please, stay calm and try to tell me what happened.”

She didn’t know where to start, so she went back to the beginning, when she had learned how to trace Lex’s portals and followed him back to his lair.

She stopped herself before she gave it away.

“He showed me Supergirl’s real identity. He had proof.”

“I see.”

“I… she…”

“It doesn’t matter who she is. It hurt you, I know that. Listen to me, Lena- I’ve charted a flight and I’ll be there in six hours. Where is the gun?”

“I have it here.”

“Unload it, please. Let me know when you’ve finished.”

Lena flicked open the cylinder and dumped the shells into her hand, three spent and two unfired, then closed it again.

“Now, lock it up.”

Once it was in the safe she said, “done.”

“Now I want you to lie down. Stay in the apartment and wait there for me, I’ll be there presently.”

For once in her life, Lena did as she was told. Somehow, she fell asleep and didn’t wake until she heard the intercom buzzing.

Without thinking she pulled on sweats and a Midvale High Mathletes sweatshirt.

Kara’s.

When she opened the door she found a haggard Jack Spheer on the other side. He was a little older, beard salted with gray, but he was still him.

He swept into the apartment without a word, found the liquor cabinet, and poured drinks.

“Talk to me.”

Lena sat down and downed her two fingers of scotch in one motion. He poured her another.

“Kara Danvers is Supergirl.”

“The Kara Danvers? Your reporter friend? Your best friend?”

He took a drink.

“Your crush?” he added.

Lena stared at him. He met her gaze levelly.

“What you said on the phone before I left. That he would never let her live if he knew how you felt.”

Lena’s throat felt like sandpaper. She took another drink. It didn’t help.

“She’s not… I’m not… I don’t…” The words would not take shape. “She lied to me,” Lena finally choked out. “She did something I shouldn’t forgive and she used her double life to play both side against me. I don’t know what part of our relationship was real now.”

Jack studied his drink for a long time. He picked up the bottle and pretended to read the label.

“The last time we spoke she seemed quite taken with you. I assume that Lex knew all of this, or most of it.”

“He knew the broad strokes, I’m sure. I think he hoped that if he showed me, I’d join him.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No,” Lena said, in a tiny whisper. “I killed him.”

“Your brother is dead.”

“Yes.”

He poured more drinks, another round for both of them.

“Tell me about him.”

“You’ve heard all the stories.”

“Tell me anyway.”

Lena considered that for a moment, then began talking, rattling off whatever popped into her head. She started with the first time she ever met her brother when he and Lionel had come to Ireland to take custody of her, then began jumping around in time from the treehouse he tried to build to the time he told Lillian he’d kill her if she hurt Lena to his college graduation to when he declared to her that he was going to kill Superman, as if it were the most obvious thing to do.

Eventfully she ran out of stories, and they were running out of scotch. There was enough for one more glass each.

It was The Next Day by now, and mid-morning sun filled the penthouse.

“Are you ready to tell me about her?”

She was. Lena began with the first time they met- the mousy little wannabe reporter who followed Superman into her office as he posed as a reporter, how the Man of Steel himself seemed unimportant compared to Kara, how even then her heart fluttered and she felt a hot pressure low in her hips and Kara seemed to feel spending too.

She told Jack all about it- not just Kara but Supergirl too, about the plane and the office full of flowers and the lunches and brunches and movie nights and how this woman had burrowed into her life and made a home there and gave a home in return, about all the times she had saved Lena’s life.

Again the words ran out.

“Do you want my advice?”

“Yes,” said Lena.

“Talk to her. The woman cares for you deeply, that much is clear. Talk to her and see where you stand.”

“But,”

He raised a hand. “I’m telling you this because I think you’ll listen to me. You want my real advice?”

Lena swallowed. “Yes.”

“Your psychopath brother is gone. You own and run a Fortune 50 company. You’re on a dozen lists, 30 under 30, most influential women… you have virtually unlimited wealth and, if I dare say so, a woman who loves you.”

Lena sucked in a breath.

“Take the money, take the girl,” said Jack, “and live your life.”

She looked down at the empty glass, feeling the cold austere minimalism of her stark penthouse around her, and the tears began to flow anew. She wrapped her arms around herself and didn’t flinch when Jack took her in a bear hug.

“I want what’s best for you, and right now I think what’s best for you is ignoring that little voice in your head that’s telling you to blow up your life because you think you can’t be happy.”

“I knew,” Lena finally admitted. “I knew the whole time. I knew she was Supergirl and I knew I was in love with her.”

Lena wept softly on his shoulder for a time. He ended up staying the day and slept on her couch before leaving to return to Metropolis.

She was still wearing Kara’s sweater when she made the call.

“Lena? Are you alright? I was worried about you,” Kara said.

“Please come over,” Lena whispered. “I need to see you, Kara. You can come in through the balcony. The door is open.”

There was a too-long pause, and then the double impact of Supergirl’s boot heels on the concrete.

[bledkindness]

𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐚 𝐦 𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭. ➺ 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐

#BLEDKINDNESS  dependent  and  private  sanctuary  for  ᴇʟᴇɴᴀ  ᴍᴀʀɪᴇ  ɢɪʟʙᴇʀᴛ for BLEEDFM.  a  brutally  soft  faerie  fated  for  tragedy.  canon  divergent  /  headcanon focused.  protected  by  zeppelin  (  she/her/they  ,  21+  ,  est   )

— how does your muse feel about vampires "coming out of the coffin" ? additionally how has it affected your muse ?

there's confliction that brews within elena that keeps her torn. a lingering fear for the safety of her loved ones is a constant thought living in the back of her head. however , the human faerie girl remains torn with the idea that vampires aren't receiving proper rights or treatment, that there are communities that rally against these once humans. she can't imagine that all vampires are bad. like all things in the world , there's good and bad everywhere.

— what was your muse up to prior to the news ?

continuing her mourning process , recollecting old pieces of herself that were lost after the death of her parents. healing from the deep seeded survivors guilt that continues to plague her and reconciling the relationships that she seems to have left barren in the wake of her grieving. it's been months since her loss. it was time to get back to living life again. pushing herself into her studies and finding time for her loved ones again. reconnecting with the person she used to be.

— what goals / aspirations does your muse current hold ?

frankly ? to get through the day. become the person she strives to be and take control of her life. she just want to feel normal again. go to school and be a normal person.

— what important canonic alterations have you made for your muse ?

elena is in college , majoring in creative writing with a minor of applied behavioral analysis. she lives in a house just on the outskirts of campus grounds with her roommate and bestie jackie matlin. the biggest thing is elena tends to be a little more raw with her emotions. loves deeply and sees the world in a rather optimistic light. her altruism tends to extend past canon. lil more babie than in canon , i don't know how else to describe it.

— what are some plotlines you would like to see for your muse ? what connections are on your wishlist for them ?

-strengthen her friendships as whole , actually taking time to have friendship threads because i'm a SUCKER for them. -find out her family lineage with a.) being a doppelganger and b.) being a fae. it might be interesting if someone with vested interest in daylight jewelry catches on and mayhaps tries to gain trust for her blood to be used to make the jewelry. or they just sorta take it from her , yano whatever works. tbh at this point her blood is a freakin' gold mine. -someone who will make elena question her moral alignment , kind of crave her being a little less good. -possible situationship ? -SOULMATES ?? LENA & WHO?

— do you have a playlist you associate with your muse -- please share if you do.

nothing - poppy , from the subway train - vansire , my future - billie eilish , lost in a wave - landmvrks , rabbit heart - florence and the machine , blank - glare , suffocate - knocked loose.

— what is one of your favorite qualities of your muse ? on the other side of things , is there anything about your muse that irks you ?

elena doesn't give up on people , she really doesn't. no matter literally how horrible they are to her - she does not give up on anyone. her determination to see good in all things is so intense. even if she knows things aren't healthy for her , she will stick it out. it's almost admirable. it's also one of the few things that go both ways for me as the mun. sometimes i find it to be so aggravating. like girl , why are we doing this?? detach bestie. she just loves to deeply , so intensely. she's loyal until she no longer breathes.

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

6x13: The Gauntlet

Two enjoyable episodes back-to-back? I'm shook! Obviously 6x13 lacks the serious messaging and emotional weight of last week's episode but the silliness of it was actually entertaining. My thoughts:

- opening scene is a supercorp hug. christ y'all need to warn people! i was not ready. the way kara's face lit up when she saw lena, the way lena smiled back at her. the way they hugged fully pressed. my heart is full.

- kara n lena immediately whisking away to the fortress right after that for some alone time. i love where your head is at kara 😏

- look at dansen being all cute and shit! who gave them the right honestly?

- glad they continued with kelly still processing the stuff from last episode. and alex is really trying to do better. dansen is the example to follow when it comes to healthy adult relationships. i really didn't think this show was capable.

- it's getting harder and harder to like andrea

- i actually forgot willy was shot last season. and they worked through his trauma off screen. what was the point of showing him getting a blast of courage if we weren't going to see him face his fears and shit. y'all really don't like deep topics huh.

- andrea: where's the journalist i hired?

apparently crisis changed him from a stalkery dickhead to the nice baking guy he is now. sorry girl. valid question tho

- can i just say that everyone was looking exceptionally hot in this episode? like lena, kelly and nxyly in particular jesus help me.

- i haven't enjoyed j'onn this much in so long. he was hilarious. letting that mad scientist lady plummel him in the chest, saying "hold that thought", not moving away from the dragon fire.

- brainy possessed by veeta you could tell jesse was told to just have fun with it

- also did this kryptonian witch just say 'ya mon'?

- lena looking all smol and shit with her little white sneakers and soft clothes and her waterfall hair. kara! kiss this woman already!

- kara in the suit talking privately with lena. honestly never thought i'd see the day

- kara: you really don't believe in magic?

lena: i believe in you

NO ONE TOUCH ME!!!

- this seriously tho this is such a true statement. they both have believed in each other from minute one, when they had no reason to. and yea lena tried to hate kara for a little while but even then, she never stopped believing in kara's compassion and optimism and kara never stopped believing in lena's goodness and brilliance. just say the words 'i love you' explicitly please.

- interesting that kara's test of courage takes place during her rescuing alex's plane and not idk...all the times she was too scared to tell lena. she thinks it's that one random dude she didn't save and not the times with lena (something she admits terrified her). the only thing i can think of for this moment they chose is because yes kara embraced her powers that night but she didn't step out into the public eye as herself, as the last daughter of krypton. she wasn't vulnerable in that respect. because she was scared to be discovered. because she grew up with that fear and need to fit in (she talks about that in later S1). but i will only accept this IF the show ends with kara stepping out into the world fully and no longer having to hide or deny parts of herself. but i also don't see how you make the courage test about telling lena and not have that end with kara admitting she's in love with her so. that might be why.

- nxyly's courage test was actually very sad. i feel for her truly it's not fair what happened. but her being vulnerable about her feelings is interesting because kara still hasn't learned how to do that

- lena having some convenient device to contain the totem just cuz kara needs it. we love handy and resourceful girlfriends

- what was the point of having lena at the museum if she wasn't gonna be affected? y'all copped out!

- that device that was harnessing lightning also somehow made lightning? is that how it works?

- i ASCENDED when i saw alex and lena being the only ones at kara's bedside. like straight out of fanfiction wtf. how many more times are they going to establish that the two most important people in kara's life is alex (her sister and ride or die) and lena (her best friend and perfect partner). how many times before you make this shit canon?!?!

- 'a reluctant earth witch' it's a very interesting way to pronounce lena luthor

- but also, y'all are telling me that a human witch can tap into imp magic? reality warping magic? all-powerful magic? fuck, lena is really on her way to becoming the most powerful being on the planet

- kelly showing up because lena called. im gonna go ahead and assume this indicates that lena and kelly have also spoken about lena ignoring her message. and that they had a meaningful discussion about it and what happened at the ormfell. because as much as i love lena, she deserved to be dragged just as much (if not more) as the superfriends.

- kelly shielding alex was a good visual. kinda stupid but nice.

- dansen couch scene i stopped breathing cuz i swore kelly was about to propose. i love them so much

- supercorp couch scene is where i died because it came at me without warning. kara sans glasses in her civilian clothes. not performing as kara danvers or supergirl. here she's just kara, an alien refugee chilling with her best friend. which is all she ever wanted and she deserves it!

- kara handing lena her plate. stop it!

- but also lena is in the same clothes all episode. which means they left the tower together. and headed straight to kara's apartment. lena definitely slept over in kara's pjs. I'M NOT OKAY!

- this is the first couch scene we got since alex n kara in 6x08. where Kara admits she doesn't want to be alone anymore. and now she isn't because lena is back. god i actually can't.

- kara's face when lena tells her about being a witch. she's so smitten! they're in love your honour

- lena saying that kara is the epitome of courageous with such seriousness and intensity. even though kara tries to brush it off cuz she can't really agree right now, lena means it 100%

- lena's sad face when kara wanted to stay connected to nxyly even though she could get hurt. worried wife energy we love to see it

- poor nxyly must be confused asf

- but also it's canon that kara feels hopeful and happy around lena and no one can take that from me. and it's not just words. kara's behavior is different, she's smiling more, she's opening up. acting choices melissa explain yourself!

not bad at all. we were fed lots of supercorp after months of nothing. they better keep up this momentum. it was lighter episode in terms of emotions and what have you compare to pervious ones. seems like the season is officially kicking off now that lena is back. probably going to have a totem of the week kinda deal but hopefully they include kelly's storyline with the heights cuz i wanna see the conclusion of that.

[abigailnussbaum]

Infinity Train, S1-3

Infinity Train is a Cartoon Network animated series (now transferred to HBO Max) that premiered last year. Three seasons, each made up of ten 10-minute episodes, have aired, so you can watch the whole thing in an afternoon. The premise is quite familiar - the titular train picks up passengers (mostly, though not always, children) who are at some kind of crossroads in their lives. As they traverse cars filled with challenges, puzzles, dangers, and sometimes just nifty environments to explore, the passengers work through whatever issue brought them on to the train. Their progress towards wellness is reflected in a number that appears on their hand, and when the number drops to zero a vortex appears and returns them to their home. The train also contains native inhabitants, usually referred to as “denizens”, who sometimes help the passengers, sometimes hinder them, and are often just going about their own lives.

Like I said, the sort of premise familiar from many children’s stories, in which a character who is struggling with some important challenge or milestone is whisked off to a fantasy setting that just happens to have been tailored to help them work through their problems. The execution is pretty fantastic, with both the writing and animation striking a compelling mixture of humor and emotional depth. The train itself is a wonderful creation, vast and often surreal or even phantasmagorical, and the denizens are quirky and winning in their own right, not just as reflections of the passengers’ needs. The show also features an absolutely stacked voice cast, with guest appearances from Kate Mulgrew, Bradley Whitford, Ernie Hudson, Lena Headey, and many others.

But what I find fascinating about Infinity Train is how, almost from the first episode, it sets to work examining the core assumptions of its story template, chiefly the idea that the train is helping people, and that its kind of help is effective and positive. As someone who grew up on stories like Infinity Train and didn’t question their premise until I got older, it’s fun to watch a show that leans right into those inherent problems.

The first season of Infinity Train tells its story pretty straight. Our protagonist is Tulip, a tween who is struggling with her parents’ recent divorce. When a scheduling snafu between them leaves Tulip unable to get to a youth coding camp she’d been dreaming of, she impulsively runs away from home, and ends up being picked up by the train. There, she’s quickly joined by a royal corgi called Atticus, and a scatterbrained robot called One-One, who try to help her in her journey towards the train’s engine. Along the way, the trio are menaced by a sinister, semi-robotic figure who is destroying the environments in the train’s cars, and who seems to be fixated on One-One.

Even in this fairly basic spin on the story, a few reservations crop up: first, Tulip doesn’t actually have a real problem. Yes, her parents’ divorce has put a strain on her, but she still seems fairly well-adjusted - she has friends and interests and, apart from the ill-advised decision to run away, doesn’t seem to be acting out in dangerous ways. The things she learns over the course of her journey through the train - to face up to the hurt that her family’s breakdown has caused her, to admit that her parents’ marriage wasn’t perfect, to realize that their divorce wasn’t her fault, to ask for help when she needs it - are probably things she would have figured out as she gained some distance from the trauma of the divorce (or, for that matter, that any halfway-decent child psychologist would have helped her realize). It’s hard to justify a cosmic interference in her life, much less one that puts her in mortal danger, as the journey up the Infinity Train often does

And sure, this is a children’s adventure story, so it’s far more compelling to watch the child protagonist struggle with real danger (that is always avoided at the last possible minute) than attend a therapy session. Even if, as adult viewers, we might see the whole thing as unjustifiably risky. But the thing is, Tulip herself very quickly expresses resentment towards the train. When she realizes that the number on her hand drops when she does something healthy and good, Tulip’s reaction is anger, and for a while she refuses to cooperate with the system, covering her hand and refusing to consider how her actions are affecting her number. Even within the children’s adventure template, the child protagonist says what most of us would feel in her situation - that being kidnapped and made to jump through hoops for the sake of some seemingly arbitrary, numerical value of “wellness” is high-handed and manipulative, and encourages hostility and suspicion, rather than participation in the train’s system.

Ultimately, Tulip goes back to playing along with the train’s scheme and benefits from it. She gets her number down to zero fairly quickly, and gets to go back home. But along the way she also solves the mystery of the train’s mysterious villain, who turns out to be another passenger, Amelia, who was picked up by the train after the death of her husband. Instead of letting the train walk her through her grief and learn to accept it, Amelia tried to take over the train and use its reality-bending capabilities to recreate her lost husband. Along the way she’s committed so many acts of abuse and mayhem that her number has extended all the way to her neck. So even once Tulip talks her down and convinces her to stop hurting people, they both acknowledge that she’s never going to get off the train (oh, and by the way, the journey on the train happens in real time, so Amelia is now an old woman).

Now, it should be obvious that Amelia’s problem was significantly more complex and fraught than Tulip’s, and rather than helping her, the train gave her a venue to indulge her grief to anti-social, even psychotic extremes. So at the end of the first season, we’ve encountered two passengers. One who benefitted from the train’s system (after some initial hostility) but who also probably didn’t need its help that badly. And one who did need serious help, but instead got an opportuntity to screw her life up even more than it already was, and probably irrevocably. Not a great track record, in other words.

The second season mixes things up a bit by making its protagonist a train denizen, and giving us a behind the scenes look at the train’s community when the passengers aren’t there. MT (or: Mirror Tulip) is a character first encountered in the first season, whom Tulip helped to escape from the mirror world. She’s being pursued by mirror cops who want to destroy her, and in the process of evading them, she comes across a passenger, Jesse, and decides to help him get his number down so that she can piggyback on his exit and evade her pursuers. Jesse initially seems like he doesn’t belong on the train - he’s almost preternaturally friendly and happy-go-lucky. But it’s eventually revealed that his willingness to go along and get along is fairly indiscriminate, and leaves him prey to stronger personalities, as when he tolerates and even enables the violent bullying of his younger brother.

It’s a thornier problem than Tulip’s, not least for making it harder to sympathize with Jesse. But it’s also one that exposes the train system’s flaws, as Jesse is so passive that he doesn’t even try to move through cars and get his number down until MT lights a fire under him. And that, in turn, triggers MT’s own identity crisis, as she begins to wonder whether she has a right to exist as her own person, or whether her entire purpose is to reflect Tulip or help passengers.

That tension comes to a head when Jesse and MT encounter the Apex, a group of child passengers, led by teenagers Grace and Simon. The Apex have come up with a theory of the train’s nature that runs completely counter to its actual purpose - they believe the train is their reward, and that the system trying to bring their number down and send them back is cheating them. They strive to get their number as high as possible by committing acts of violence against the train’s denizens, whom they dub “nulls” - not real people, incapable of feeling pain.

Because S2 has been told from MT’s perspective, we know that the Apex are wrong about her and the other denizens (and in general, it’s not a good sign when someone says “this being, which exhibits all the signs of personhood and feeling, is actually not real, and is only shamming a form of suffering while feeling nothing”). But at the same time, it has to be acknowledged that this is an entirely plausible conclusion to draw from the evidence at hand. The train exists for the passeners. It has created environments and beings whose sole purpose is to interact with and affect the passengers. Why should those beings be real? Which is yet another failure point of the train’s system, because as both Tulip and Jesse’s stories show, developing connections with denizens is what spurs passengers to travel up the train and get better. The Apex have therefore interpreted the train’s system in a way that can only accomplish the exact opposite of what it was designed to do.

The show returns to Grace and Simon in its third season, in which we learn more about their history and their understanding of the train. We learn, for example, that Simon’s hostility towards denizens was sparked when the one who befriended him (The Cat, a character who appears in each of the show’s seasons) left him when they found themselves in a dangerous situation. And we learn that the Apex worship Amelia (whom they view as the train’s true conductor) and believe that the current system is a corruption of the one she intended, in which the passengers get to enjoy the train for as long as they like. In yet another demonstration of how open the train’s system is to misinterpretation, the Apex warn their new members that if they let their number get down to zero, they will “disappear”. Which is the same reaction Tulip had when she first witnessed another passenger departing, and, again, a thoroughly logical conclusion to reach given the evidence.

The season’s story involves Grace and Simon being separated from the rest of the Apex, and, in their attempts to get back to them, picking up a young passenger, Hazel, whom they try to initiate into their understanding of the train. The two teens’ interactions with Hazel shed light on the crucial difference between them. While Grace genuinely cares about the kids she’s gathered and sees herself as their protector, Simon only teaches Hazel about the train because he wants converts to his worldview, and validation for his anger at the Cat and other denizens. Once separated from the Apex and their regular schedule of destruction, Grace’s care for Hazel causes her number to go down, all the more so when she discovers that Hazel is really a denizen, and lies to Simon about it to protect her. Simon, meanwhile, only sinks further into his anger and resentment, and when he discovers Grace’s lie he sees it as a betrayal of everything they stand for. The conflict between them ultimately leads to a confrontation in which Simon is killed, while Grace reveals to the Apex that their conclusions about the train and its denizens were wrong, and that they need to come up with a new system.

So, to sum up, the Infinity Train:

Kidnaps people whom it perceives as being in need of help and holds them, sometimes for years or decades, until they achieve a predetermined threshold of wellness.

Advances this goal through a system of rewards and punishments that is so transparently manipulative, it alienates basically everyone who engages with it except the guy whose problem was being pathologically passive.

Relies for the success of this system on a community of denizens who haven’t signed on to it and who are often unsuited to the task of shepherding others towards growth.

Is so open to misinterpretation that a large chunk of the train’s passengers take the exact opposite message from it that they were meant to, which leads them to behavior that could put them permanently beyond being able to leave the train.

Sometimes kills people.

I’m pretty sure most of this is stuff I’m meant to be taking away from the show, but I also wonder how far Infinity Train is willing, or able, to take this idea. The open ending of S3, in which Grace, though headed in the right direction number-wise, is still nowhere near being able to leave the train, and also more focused on remaking the Apex into something more constructive, suggests that future seasons will get further into the question of whether the train can be reformed or made more productive. Or, conversely, the show could abandon its original premise and just become a story about the train, and the community of passengers and denizens that develops on it. I wonder, though, how much you can push against the inherent limitations of this premise - when you’ve got a story where getting better and more well-adjusted causes you to be forcibly ejected from the story, where does that leave you as far as plot progression and character development are concerned? There’s an inherent conflict to a world that is designed for a specific character (or group of characters). Infinity Train is fascinating for how it leans into that conflict, and I’m very curious to see how it handles its core contradiction going forward.

[super-aye]

why does lena assume kara didn’t tell her because she was manipulating “a luthor” to keep an eye on her, instead of realizing kara didn’t tell her because kara’s in love with her?

bc she hates herself. when lena gets hurt she recoils in upon herself. hates her own self for trusting someone, for letting someone in. if she had stuck to her resolve to not make friends in national city, she wouldn’t have gotten betrayed. with so much self hatred, it would be impossible for lena to believe that kara is actually in love with her in any fashion. it would just be another lie. and she doesn’t want people to lie or get hurt ever again. it’s so sad and almost innocent that lenas trying to prevent everyone from getting hurt, the writers captured the shitty childhood trauma aspect of lenas character very well. she didn’t learn healthy ways to deal with her emotions so we see her almost defaulting back to a somewhat childlike idea of “i don’t want people to get hurt bc hurting people is mean :(“

we saw something similar with kara back in s1 when she was yelling and breaking down in front of her mothers hologram. when she said, “you left me alone, you sent me away. how could you do that?” it sounded like something a young kid would ask. bc in that moment all she felt was the pain from when she was abandoned, she was that 12/13 year old kid again emotionally cuz she never really processed all that trauma.

so when kara and lena get hurt they show that similar trauma they have. but they will figure themselves out soon enough and then we will get supercorp endgame.

[the-ominous-owl]

you know what i want? 

a crossover bottle episode. 

lock all of these lunatics and their many tons of baggage in a room together and let them just hang out with low stakes and no world-ending crisis.

give me lena realising that kara has had friends with access to an actual time ship this whole time and refusing to speak to her out of irritation while simultaneous becoming gideon’s number 1 fan girl.

give me kelly sitting them all down in front of a powerpoint presentation titled “Your Emotions and You - Healthy Ways to Process Your Grief and/or Massive Abandonment Issues That Don’t Involve Running Around In Latex Suits”

give me kara and barry and the shooty one sitting in a circle comparing bad guys they’ve fought, or weird shenannigans they’ve gone through.

give me alex and ava commiserating on the bunch of grown-ass children/siblings they’ve accidentally adopted.

give me sara and kate seeing lena and both doing that oh-no-she’s-hot head tilt thing.

give me mick and nia, give me brainy and cisco. give me zari and the frosty chick. 

pls. just let them be characters for a bit.

[ruffiorocks]

LONG post in regards to whats being said about Lena.

Man, every time the CW post something about Supergirl on Instagram or Twitter people really lose their s**t for literally no reason.  

People saying that Lena is awful, they wouldn't watch a show with Lena in it, someone went as far to say they would rather die that watch a show with Lena in it??? OK.... Dramatic much? Yet here you are following the Supergirl page and knowing exactly what has been going on in the show because you use it for your arguments. Seriously sort your s**t out!

Also, I may get hate for this and I DO NOT CARE but im totally fine with Lena punching Kara in the face. Personally i think she’s asked for it. You can argue until the end of time that she doesn't deserve the punch for keeping her identity a secret, debatable BUT she absolutely deserves a punch in the face for being an arsehole to Lena and calling her a Luthor and then going to her best friends boyfriend and talking him into betraying her trust! Oh and then letting Lena vent to her about how this meant she would never trust Supergirl again, that was disturbing behavior, played off as an ‘oopsie’ moment. Personally Kara’s Jeckell and Hyde act with Lena has always been a bit disturbing to me, its not always funny. Just like in season 2 when she landed at L Corp with Superman and basically looked her nose down at Lena (re watch it). But a punch in the face is warranted. Punching someone in the face isnt akin to becoming evil!

Also why are people saying ‘I knew she would turn Evil!’ ‘Look what Lena is doing!’ erm... Lena hasnt actually done anything yet. A punch doesn't mean full on evil. Lena said she wants to inflict the same pain on Supergirl that she has caused her, now that’s interesting to me, because Kara hasn't actually inflicted any ‘physical’ pain on Lena and Lena even said she doesn't want to kill Supergirl. Now save for a much deserved punch in the face which looks like it takes place in a virtual world anyway, perhaps Lena is going to go down another route and inflict emotional pain on Kara just like Kara has inflicted it on her. Maybe this is why we saw BTS of Alex and Kara fighting, maybe this world is set up so Kara can experience everyone she loves betraying her in some way? The same way Lena feels she’s been betrayed? Im not saying that’s a healthy way to deal with things but the show would be boring if Lena was like ‘nah its cool’.Plus this is how Lena will see it, something she wouldn't be thinking if Kara had taken the time to explain things to her from the off set. to late now. 

Now i know what people will say ‘Kara has suffered so much and doesn't deserve more pain’ yeah... well Kara should have thought about that before inflicting pain on Lena who has also suffered enough pain in her life to. Kara having suffered doesn't mean she has a free pass to treat others poorly, who haven't actually done anything to hurt her or intended to hurt her at all. If Lena had been a nob and out to get her from day one then fair enough, but Lena has saved Kara’s ass/life many times and has never intended to hurt her, but s3 kara (who i wish i could forget) decided being an ass to Lena was OK. Yes Kara thought she was protecting Lena, but that excuse became null and void the moment she started revealing her identity to every Tom, Dick and Nia that she met! Kara is NOT a space puppy! Sure she has her cute adorkable moments but dont mix fan fic with reality. Kara is actually a very serious person who doesnt have all the answers, and doesn't always have a clear view of things. Remember it was Kara who basically told Jonn that there was no more alien hate anymore because SHE didnt receive it, the blonde haired, blue eyed hero of the city who looks human didnt receive hate so therefore it no longer existed. Now this isnt having a go at Kara, its to show that Kara isnt always right and doesn't always have a clear view of things.

Now, people are saying that Kara’s other friends didnt have a bad reaction to Kara admitting she was Supergirl so how dare Lena? OK, you guys are reaching pretty far now and you’re conveniently forgetting what has happened on the show because you’re too busy hating on Lena, so:

1. Winn didnt hate Kara the moment he learned she was Supergirl. OK, well first off, she wasnt really Supergirl yet, just an alien. Winn thought it was cool and wasnt upset she had lied to him? Well Kara keeping her identity from Winn didnt effect Winn in any way at all. There was no Luthor/Super history involved in Winn and Kara’s friendship.

2. James already knew, Clark took that decision away from Kara because he felt she needed a man to keep an eye on her. But this aside, James already knew Superman and was his best friend, he didnt ‘already’ know Kara. He knew who she was before she knew who he was! Again, him knowing her secret had no Luthor/Super implications.

3. Alex already knew and grew up with her. There was no ‘secret’ identity, she came to the Danvers as an alien and anyway Alex was NOT cool with her to begin with.

4. Mon El was also an alien, he wasnt a massive fan of Kara anymore than she was a fan of him. In fact Kara was the ass to Mon El rather than the other way around. It was Kara who referred to him as a ‘Daxamite’ more than once. Now, you could say they did have a history like the Luthor/Super one. Only it was Kryptonian/Daxamite, but the difference is Kara immediately told Mon El who she was, there was no pretending to be an alien from somewhere else or someone entirely different like she did with Lena. Kara knew Mon El was a Daxamite because of the beacon he sent, he didnt deny being one either. No his lie was being the Prince because he knew Kara would NOT have been OK with that. So he got involved with Kara whilst pretending to be something he wasn't. I seem to remember Kara being pretty miffed when she found out he was actually the Prince, only the end of the world was happening and she didnt really get a chance to deal with those feelings because she had to send him away. But later when he came back Kara had had time to process her thoughts on him, but she still told him EXACTLY what she thought of him. Mon El deceived Kara so he could pursue a relationship with her, Kara deceived Lena so she could pursue a friendship with her. Kara and Lena should have a choice in these scenarios because the respective ‘secret identities’ would have made them take pause. 

5. Jonn. already knew, nothing to argue here. 

6. Nia, Kara told Nia in a moment of solidarity because she to had ‘lost’ her sister, and apparently this was an OK reason to tell the girl you knew for 5 minutes who you are. Do you know who else had ‘lost’ a sibling and Kara has had many a solidarity moment with and who has saved her ass more than once and who she has known for longer than five minutes??? oh yeah LENA!! Anyway.... again, Nia had no reason to be miffed at Kara, she hasnt spent 3 years lying to her or pretending to be someone she wasnt and not fully trusting her. No Luthor/Super family drama or anything. 

7. The Legion already knew

8. Cat, Cat was Kara’s mentor and although Kara absolutely lied and deceived Cat, she NEVER treated her crap (save for the red K thing) like Kara did to Lena. Plus once again no Luthor/Super drama. Plus she wasnt Kara's best friend. 

Lena is completely different, have a think about what would be going through Lena’s head. ‘Supergirl�� suddenly turns up at her office the moment she arrives in National City in disguise? Supergirl using this secret identity keeps coming back to Lena, using Lena to track down Roulette, to try and get info from her about her mother. Lena mean while keeps saving the lives of the aliens of National City (including Supergirl). Mon El leaves and Kara suddenly cuts Lena from her life until she once again needs her for something? Come season 3 and ‘Supergirl’ suddenly turns on her? All for having a substance she wasn't using to hurt her but to protect her friend Sam? Supergirl calls her a ‘Luthor’ and gets pissed at her for GIVING her the Kryptonite? Supergirl starts telling Lena what to do as though she can? Supergirl then uses Lena’s boyfriend to spy on her? Then suddenly  Kara is back and being her best friend again listening to all her vent about Supergirl? Lena goes out of her way to make sure Argo City survives and Supergirl is still later an ass to her because she decided to work with the substance SHE created because Supergirl doesn't approve? Supergirl is an ass to her when they are with Alex and its Alex who puts her in place, but Kara is still coming back to her as her bestie? Kara Joins her in trying to track down Lex and even lets Lena think that she’s been blown up? Lena then has the pleasure of being told by Lex of all people that Kara has been lying since day one and he even has footage?? Lena’s new ‘family’ all knew except for her, doesn't say much for Kara’s trust in Lena. If she hadnt already dumped James’ ass i hope she would now! She would probably be thinking ‘why did James pursue me? Was he sent told to keep an eye on me? Was Kara just sent by Superman to watch me? Did the gang befriend me for the same reason? Keep the Luthor close? This woman has been betrayed and deceived her whole life, not second guessing any of this would be the bizarre thing. 

But anyway, i agree that both Kara and Lena are right to feel the way they do. But i am more on Lena’s side. I get Kara’s reasoning up to a point, to begin with she wanted to protect Lena., but then she should never have become so involved with her if she truly wanted to keep her safe. Her reasons become null and void when she tells people she’s known for 5 minutes who she is without thought to their safety (Nia). She made the decision to be an arsehole to Lena and then use Lena’s relationships against her and called her the only thing she knew would hurt Lena the most. She then kept saying she wanted to tell Lena but allowed others (Mon El, Alex) to keep her from doing so to the point where it was to late. Kara’s reasons started out noble, but they went beyond to far. Especially since Lex and Lillian knew and Kara STILL didnt see a point in telling Lena, Lex got the opportunity to tell Lena because Kara couldn't step up. The moment she knew Lillian knew she should have had Jonn erase her mind or tell Lena herself. Kara doesnt ‘owe’ her identity to anyone, but she should think twice about how much she gets involved with or treats the people close to her that dont know. 

Also, it is a betrayal, the writers have said so and even Melissa has agreed she totally understands it. Not telling Lena her secret isnt the betrayal, its everything that came along with it, everything Kara did along the way. (though she could be talking to Eve)

They say the season is a ‘fight for Lena’s soul’ , personally i think being betrayed by Kara is a poor reason for Lena’s soul to be in danger, it doesn't say much for her. But that very statement implies that Lena hasnt gone full Luthor, Otherwise it would be ‘Lena’s soul is lost’. 

It will be interesting to see how Lena reacts to the rest of the super friends since back in season 3 she understood secrets that weren't hers to tell and to keep people safe. She knew Alex was DEO but kept it to herself and wasnt arsed abut it and she didnt on Sam to keep her safe. But knowing the writers they’ll forget this part of Lena’s personality and make her miffed at everyone. 

Lastly Kara may be the main character but that doesnt mean everything she does is right and she DOESNT have to be your favorite character. 

Anyway thats enough. Dont send hate as always will go unanswered and deleted. 

[bi-and-happy]

i dare u to answer all the questions on the pride ask game ☺️☺️

Oh boy, here we go!

1. I am bisexual and I use she/her pronouns

2. I first realised I like girls when I was about ten years old, when I started secondary school. Because I also liked boys, I did some classic Repression^TM and convinced myself I was straight, which included a lot of internal homophobia, biphobia and bi erasure. It wasn’t until my second year of uni when I had my first boyfriend that I realised I was never going to have a good and healthy relationship with anyone, let along myself, if I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality and eventually come out

3. I am cisgender and I don’t look particularly androgynous so I have never been misgendered (except one time by a very embarrassed pizza delivery man)

4. The first person I told was my ex-boyfriend (see answer 2!) We had actually been broken up for about 8 months by that point but we were still friends at the time and he’s pansexual, so I knew he’d understand. He was annoyingly nonchalant about it and immediately made inappropriate comments but that actually worked out because we were in an airport so I couldn’t really have an emotional breakdown!

5. When I first came out (and then when I came out to my parents six months later) it was like I’d spent all this time and effort trying to hide this side of myself, and the effort of hiding just got too much. When I told my best friend (who’s a lesbian) it was super chill - I didn’t want it to be a massive deal so I found a time to slip it in, she was very excited that I’d finally told her (she’d known for about two years longer than I did!) and we immediately started talking about all the girls we had crushes on

6. I’ve kind of brushed on some people, but there were two main reactions: “That does not surprise me, I’ve suspected/known for a while” and “Wait? You like men?! I thought you were gay?” The only person who was surprised was my mum. She was very very quiet for a long time (although she gave me a hug so I knew she wasn’t mad) and let my dad do the talking (she did have some not-so-great things to say but it was nothing I hadn’t heard her say before so I had answers prepared). The next day, we had another chat, and she was a bit more positive then. It’s also worth mentioning that this is an ongoing process. I came out to them two and a half years ago now, and we’re still working some things out but we’re in the right direction!

7. Honestly this doesn’t come up very much, mostly because the vast majority of my friends are also bi, and I study performing arts so everyone’s at least a little bit queer. The question I get asked more often is how I can be an openly LGBT+ Christian (which is a whole other conversation which I would be happy to have if anyone is interested!)

8. Flannel. So much flannel. Also birkenstocks in the summer and combat boots (with rainbow laces) in the winter. I sometimes wear dresses (especially in autumn), and I do like pretty dresses/ballgowns when the occasion calls for it (which again, performing arts - sometimes I feel like I live in concert dresses). But my everyday look is fairly semi-butch. I’m working on my top butch energy

9. WHERE TO START. Okay, Jack/Bitty from Check Please; Jack/Ianto from Torchwood; Patsy/Delia from Call the Midwife; Callie/Aaron from the Fosters; Merlin/Arthur from Merlin; Lena/Kara from Supergirl; and my guilty pleasure, Harry/Cedric from Harry Potter (don’t judge me!!)

10. I very rarely leave the house without eyeliner and mascara on, but I rarely wear anything else unless it’s a special occasion. I’m generally of the opinion that if I can start the day with some killer eyeliner wings, you can make that day your bitch

11. Nope! Never experienced dysphoria

12. This isn’t the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but it is stupid because it was said by a gay men. “All these kids these days, in their LGBTQWXYZ community... [goes on to deliberately misgender people]”. Again, I have lots of thoughts on the dynamics of this which I will not unpack unless someone asks me to.

13. My friends!! I only have about two straight friends. I love all my friends, and I love my queer friends, and I love how we’re always there for each other and we always support each other. Even if everyone needs to stop dating within the friendship group.

14. See answer 12! The politics about different identities really annoy me. Non-binary people exist! Ace and aro people are part of the LGBT+ community! Bi and pan are different but overlapping identities and neither is better or worse than the other! So much infighting! Bi girls will not leave lesbians for a man! So much infighting.

15. I have never been and I’m out of town this year as well and I’m absolutely heartbroken!! I usually spend my summers working on various week-long projects around the country, and they always manage to bugger up any pride plans I had!

16. Ooooh absolute favourite? Probably Stephanie Beatriz. Followed by Kristen Stewart. And Tom Daley.

17. I had a boyfriend for a short time in my second year, we met at uni. Otherwise, I’ve been a single pringle!

18. I HAVE SO MANY. Absolute, complete, 100% favourite? The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. YOU ALL HAVE TO READ THIS OH MY GOODNESS. 

19. I’ve experienced more discrimination as a woman than as a member of the LGBT+ community! That being said, I was bullied in years 7-9 which included lots of calling me a lesbian, because children aren’t creative in their bullying and this was 2006. That definitely taught me to be ashamed of my feelings for girls.

20. Pride!! I love that film. Also Torchwood!

21. I’ll admit I don’t follow that many LGBT+ bloggers/vloggers... sorry!!

22. Queer!!! (And whether or not it should be defined primarily as a slur is also up for debate; again, I’ll expand if anyone wants me to.)

23. Yes yes yes! I have been to a grand total of three gay bars and loved all of them. Especially that last one. Because that was the one where I got drunk and snogged a girl which was great.

24. I’m a cisgender woman, and most of my thoughts about my gender link with my reading into feminist reading and my constant striving to become a better intersectional feminist!

25. I like the thought of having children. I do not like the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. For me, children is always something that comes as part of a relationship and probably marriage (spot the Christian upbringing!). I’m not definite either way; it’s a decision I would want to make with a future partner, as we created a family.

26. Bi people exist! You’re one of them! Stop hating yourself! Stop using your Christian upbringing as an excuse to ignore anything relating to your sexuality!

27. Gender roles are complete bullshit. Every couple is different, the strengths each member of the couple brings will be different, and it’s up to them to find their dynamic, regardless of how closely it resembles traditional gender roles.

28. Not really! Only that since coming out I’ve felt less pressure to be feminine

29. It’s bloody hard. Even if we’re loud and proud and yelling about it and having a good time, each and every one of us has been through shit to get here.

30. Because it’s who I am! I’m proud to be LGBT+ because it’s who I am, and it’s a community that has come so far and is still making incredible strives forward but is subjected to so much pain and yet we keep going. Much love to you all!

Wow, I’m exhausted after that. Feel free to ask any questions about anything I said there! I touched on a lot of stuff. Much love!! xxx

[lost-your-memory]

So many angsty death prompts- my poor heart can hardly take it!!! Can you do an angsty Supercorp or Supercat fic that has a happy ending or at least a hopeful ending?!

Here you go anon, I started this like a month ago and I don’t have the inspiration to give it a better ending so … Oh, it’s Supercorp btw and don’t mind the lousy plot, like I said, inspiration isn’t really here lately …

The sound of the rain beating up the asphalt of the narrow street was soothing, soft and regular, a little melancholic.The world looked altered, with the dim light of the neon signs glowing distortingly under the deluge and trembling across the rippled surface of the puddles and flashy splashes of red, yellow and blue were catching the eyes of the aimless wanderer that strolled along the small avenue.From time to time, the disruptive sound of someone stepping in the pools of rain would break the quiet and monotonous noise of the rain but otherwise, not even the low chatter of people could drown it.Walking along with the disparate flow of people, a transparent umbrella loosely resting against her shoulder to protect her silhouette from the drenching rain, Lena was lost in her thoughts as much as she was carried away by the ambiance, by the quiet melancholy of this colorful but rainy street hidden away in the very heart of Tokyo.It had been two years since her failed attempt at being the CEO of a media company she knew nothing about in the first place. Not that she didn’t try, of course.After all, she had been trained her whole life to take over the Luthor empire and despite all the misogynistic reservations the board members had and the judgmental, hungry-for-blood eyes of the press was keeping on her, she did succeed.With CatCo however, she did not.She had made many mistakes and ruined a good number of relationships in the process, but at least she could still find some solace in the fact she did some good with L-Corp.The air smelled like warm ramens and fresh water, green grass and lotus flower and she smiled. It was a broken smile but a smile nonetheless.

A blue neon sign flashed a little further down the street and the gleam the rain gave the color made her think of a pair of equally sparkling blue eyes. She shook her head, trying to chase the image away but she should know better.Kara Danvers had always been persistent, whether it was the woman herself or the memory of her.She had fallen in love with those eyes, pure and kind and yet sometimes hooded with a darkness that had looked all too familiar to the last Luthor standing. She had tried to pinpoint the exact moment when she knew she was in love with the CatCo reporter, Cat’s former assistant and protege, but looking back in time, she couldn’t decide on one memory only.It was an ensemble of souvenirs, gentle touches and kind smiles, free discussions about silly topics and some more serious ones, a constant presence she didn’t know she needed before meeting Kara.Of course, she didn’t know about Kara’s other identity at the time. She was just happy to have a friend and maybe she had hoped for more but in retrospective, it would have never worked out.“A Luthor and a Super, working together”. Her own words still echoed in her mind from time to time, rimed with a bittersweet echo, the stinging pain of a half-truth that had somehow become a shameful joke.When Supergirl had killed Lex, at the end of what had been one of the most deadly fight in all the history of National City, Lena had recognized those hooded blue eyes.They were lined with much more darkness than what she was used to seeing, haunted with regrets and sadness and yet, they were firm and sure.When Supergirl had landed before her, carrying the lifeless body of her fallen brother in her arms, her world had crumbled and eventually, it all fell apart. She could see the lies as clearly as the blue of Kara’s eyes, bright and sharp and cutting at her already twisted soul.She didn’t crack back then, because after all, she was a Luthor and let it be said that the with the infamous name came an unhealthy ability of never letting any weakness sign shows. She was broken inside, the death of her brother not being as painful as the realization that the woman who she thought was her friend, on whom she had a hopeful crush on, was National City’s most beloved superhero.The lies were more painful than the fact Supergirl killed her brother, because in her mind, Kara Danvers killed Lex.The frontier between Kara and Supergirl was blurred by blood and her memories were beginning to suffer from the stain of it.After that, she had sold CatCo to the highest bidder, and she had boarded on the next commercial flight for Tokyo. Sam was taking care of L-Corp in National City and so Lena ran away, flew away even. She knew it was pointless to try to escape Supergirl, who could round the planet in a few minutes but still.She had started working for the Japanese L-Corp firm, in the R&D department and she liked it there. It was quiet and calm, no one cared about her name or her fortune and no one expected anything else from her than to be good at her job. Which, she was.Finally free from the enormous administrative procedure and the incredible pressure that came with the CEO title, she was happy to be tinkering all day long, the work being interesting enough to take her mind off her past.Then again, as much as she loved to work, she couldn’t possibly work around the clock and sometimes, she had to give in to sleep. It never worked, despite the pills, the booze, the many tips and medicine advises she sought.The nightmares were too vivid and the memories were all red and dark, with flashes of blue that made her angry.Which explained the wandering trip at 2am, in a forgotten street that never slept, amongst people who had no idea who she was, who didn’t care, and under a never ending rain.It was soothing, like the mother’s lullaby she was never good enough to deserve. She was exhausted, the tiredness weighing heavy upon her bones and slowing her down considerably.She had always been lonely, for as long as she could remember. She had never been much of a social butterfly and the only person to ever give a damn about her had been her brother.Well, and his killer, she thought with a bittersweet chuckles.She had found, during the first six months following the debacle, that she missed Lex. She was truly heartbroken over his death and her broken hopes to ever make him see reason ever again. She had wanted to believe, until the very last moment, that he could be brought back on the right path and if she was being honest with herself, she blamed Supergirl for not letting him, them, a chance to work it out.She was mad at Kara for a lot more reasons than just killing Lex but from time to time, a flash of lucidity would make her see that Supergirl had no choice. In those moments, she would remember the darkness swirling in the haunted blue eyes, the pain, the regret and the steel too.Kara had tried to call, leaving messages Lena never brought herself to listen to.In the end, Kara stopped calling and she tried to text instead, so Lena dropped her old phone in a drawer and brought a new one for work purposes only. However, since she was still tied to L-Corp in some ways, she couldn’t get rid of her professional email address and Kara, well. She was a smart girl, so she started to send emails on both the private and work inboxes and as much as Lena wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to delete them all.She had a file in each of her inboxes, filled with unread emails from the girl who was once her friend.She was actually surprised that Supergirl didn’t show up in Tokyo after a few months of getting no answer but then again, she didn’t want to see the girl so it was all the better.She couldn’t avoid the big news splashed all over the big screens in the center of the capital or in the smaller TVs at work so she had seen some of Supergirl’s most famous fights and success but otherwise, she was doing her best to avoid anything related to the girl of steel and National City.That until yesterday, when her work phone had vibrated with a text from an unknown number. There were only three words to be read but Lena had been spiraling ever since. With grief and loss, mostly, old and familiar emotions for her but the infinite sadness was tainted with a side of despair this time, an anger sparkled by a general feeling of unfairness.“Jess died today”She had known about Jess’s condition of course, had known for years but somehow, the woman had always managed to look so healthy and so full of life that she had come to think of the risks as nonexistent.She didn’t want to go back, she didn’t want to have a single chance to cross paths with Kara Danvers but she knew there was no way to avoid it.She had to fly back to National City for the funerals, to take care of Jess’s family and to make sure her twelve years old boy was taken care of properly. She owed it to Jess, after everything they went through together.She was lost in her mind when a voice from her past whispered her name behind her.She recognized the soft voice, despite the new broken edge it held, the breathlessness around the end of her name that was unique and so infuriatingly hot. She didn’t have to turn around to know she would meet a pair of hooded blue eyes, sun-kissed curls framing a perfect face with a jawline made of steel and a nose of a royal kind.She wondered, for a second, if there would be glasses.“I know you don’t want to talk to me and you have every right to be mad at me but I am here to tell you that Jess isn’t actually dead,” Kara explained, her voice echoing through the sound of the rain and the low chatter of the people around them. It was clear and bright despite the pain and the regret, despite the lack of the usual hope that had once made her tone sound so bubbly and infuriating.Lena whirled around and stared in those ever so familiar ocean blue eyes, letting the memories swirl in her mind like a very well-known melody. The flash of a smile, the warmth of a hand on her forearms, the echo of a laugh and all the tenderness surrounding their more private moments.It was painful and she wanted nothing more than to turn around and ignore the alien superhero. Yet, she didn’t walk away.Maybe it was because Kara was, in fact, wearing glasses. Sure, they were smeared with raindrops but the eyes beneath were sparkling and gleaming, like the ocean itself.She hated herself for softening a little at the sight of Kara Danvers, in her plain civilian clothes, drenched with rain and looking a little miserable, her hair soaked wet and falling in heavy dripping waves upon her shoulders.The girl of steel was wearing a summer trench that did little to keep the rain at bay because from the dark color of it, the piece of clothing had already absorbed all the water that had fallen upon it and it was dripping on the street from the end of the sleeves and the rim of the coat. A pair of black converses was half-bathing in a pool of rain, surrounded by the soaked pant sleeves of Kara’s rather large blue jeans and the loose sweater looked as black as the night sky above their heads, heavy with rain as well.The words finally reached Lena’s mind and she narrowed her eyes at Kara, not trusting herself to use her voice just yet.“My sister got her into the WITSEC program because she helped us take a huge alien trafficker down and he’s been threatening her little boy. He has means and money so we thought it was best to make her disappear and to let the world believe she is dead,” Kara elaborated without being prompted and a wave of relief flooded over Lena’s mind as she took in what it meant.“I would have sent an email but you don’t open them and I wanted you to know, so I came in person,” Kara finished with a slight tilt of her head.The rain was running across her face, from the forehead to the chin, following the high valleys of her cheekbones and the small hollows along her nose, contouring her lips and then falling from her jawline onto the drenched street.She was still beautiful, Lena thought and she closed her eyes for a second, trying to reconcile the woman in front of her with her brother’s killer.“I should get going, I just … I just wanted to let you know the truth,” Kara whispered and she didn’t smile, which still looked a little odd since Lena was more used to the Sunny Danvers persona than the Supergirl one.“That’s rich, coming from you,” Lena answered with a snarky bite she didn’t know she was holding back until now. She hadn’t meant to start a fight but Kara’s word had hit a nerve and she was too tired to fight against her instinct, tonight.“I’m sorry?” Kara asked, obviously startled by Lena’s tone.“You heard me. It’s a little rich of you to tell me you came all the way to Tokyo to .. let me know the truth, like you said,” Lena retorted, anger boiling over as she took a step forwards to invade Kara’s personal space. “You’ve never let me in on the truth before now, have you?”Kara visibly flinched under the accusation, blinking in surprise and then looking up to meet Lena’s eyes.“Lena, I … I never meant to hide from you,” Kara started, taking a step back to reinstate the space in between them.“Liar.” Lena cut with a flowing flourish of her free hand and she then turned away, not in the mood for the discussion anymore.The rain was still falling, hitting her umbrella with a regular tud that didn’t sound so soothing anymore. The street was emptier, people having finally gone home for the night since it was closer to 4am now, and the rising day was still a few hours away.The neon had been, for the most part, turned off but a few remained on, glowing steadily in the rainy night.Lena felt strong, wet fingers close around the wrist of her free hand and she almost lost her balance when Kara pulled her back, forcing her to turn around and to grip the girl of steel’s arm to steady herself.“What are you …” Lena started but warm, soft lips found hers and the rest of her question died in a hungry, messy, desperate kiss that tasted like rain and tears.There was something surreal to the scene. The rain kept falling all around them, diverted by the umbrella Lena didn’t drop in the sudden move and the sound of it, soft but regular, strong, was the kind of memory making noise.The night was both silent and loud, with something like apprehension and relief floating in the air and the almost empty street was a movie-worth decorum for such a gesture, the neon glowing on the wet asphaltIt felt like a beginning and an end at once, it has the bitter sweetness of past mistakes and the hopefulness of a bright future and the incertitude was almost mysterious and tempting. Kara was warm and soft despite the steel of her muscle and the cold water running down her face, drenching her clothes and Lena could feel her own body give away. She had this ephemeral image of ice melting under the sun as she finally, finally returned the kiss.The umbrella fell on the street and she moved her now free hand to tangle it in Kara’s hair.It wasn’t silky, it wasn’t soft and she squeezed more water out of the not so golden locks anymore but it was a grip anyway, something real, something tangible and when the girl of steel circled her waist and burrowed her fingertips in the back of her black coat, when she felt the strength of the embrace, she felt invincible.It lasted a small eternity but like everything else in life, the end came all too soon.Kara pulled away and tilted her head, eyes darkening and Lena recognized the look. She longed for the time when she didn’t know what it meant, when she could just chalk it up to Kara’s adorable weirdness but now, all she could see was Supergirl.“I …” Kara started and that one word echoed in between them like a death sentence, heavy and final despite it being the very beginning of a sentence. They were still holding on to each other and Lena hated how safe and warm she was feeling.She was in love with Kara Danvers but she hated Supergirl with all the fiery anger of a Luthor and the lines were beginning to blur, twisted by loneliness and regret, by guilt and sadness, by this helpless feeling of irremediable fatality.“You have to go,” Lena whispered and she took a step back, leaving the warm embrace of Kara’s arms. It felt like ripping a part of herself apart but she did it anyway and she leaned over to pick up her umbrella.“Will you let me come back?” Kara asked and Lena looked up, surprised by the question.Kara’s eyes were so ever blue, glowing in the street light, sparkling under the rain and Lena hated how beautiful the girl looked. Somewhere underneath the wet clothes, a suit was ready to be exposed to the world and that too, Lena hated it.“Maybe,” Lena answered softly and it must have leaked in her tone that it was all she could give because Kara offered a soft smile.“I can do with a maybe,” she said and she took a step forward. Lena didn’t move away and the kiss was simple and delicate, like the soft move of a butterfly’s wings but it was hopeful and sure.Lena closed her eyes and revealed in the gesture, letting Kara’s soft lips soothe away her tormented feelings for a few seconds. For a time here, she finally felt at peace with herself, her mind quieted by the kiss, her heart soaring with love and her doubts and fears and raging emotions staying quiet for once.When she opened her eyes again, Kara was gone.

[gidgeting]

i get it. y’all want supercorp canon. i do so, too. and i get it: if it was a heterosexual pairing it would already be canon. but. i don’t want this straight nonsense between two women. we already have it with sanvers and it’s even worse, because they don’t get any proper arcs or even screentime with alex as one of the most important characters on the show. and it’s always making me sad to see them actually... fight me on this but sanvers was not a slowburn at all. it was quite fast if you think of alex’ coming out arc. only 6 episodes from “your jurisdiction ends where i say it does” to “we should kiss the girls that we wanna kiss”. it was clear right from their first look at each other that this was THE gay couple on sg. it was very obvious. alex fell for maggie, ofc she did, because maggie rattled her, got her to deal with her feelings and affection for women and alex finally had an issue of her own. i don’t say it was totally unrealistic. i also can relate to alex being like “maggie is my whole world now and nothing else matters and i’m a useless lesbian anyway” but not as a deo agent and with an alien sister with superpowers, alien invasions, jeremiah and cadmus. there is too much going on and was for 13 years in alex’ life to follow just a relatively cliché and relatively one-dimensional coming out and relationship arc that could’ve and was presented in many romcoms and dramas where the focus is on relationships and love. one can argue that it was normal for the character to go on lesbian u-haul full circle after taking care of kara her whole life but that was adressed in only one (1) scene. in one (1) fucking episode. as much as i love a lesbian couple on tv (and i don’t care anymore if the actor_actress is gay her_himself, because that’s sadly much more rare than having any gay representation...), i want the complexity, the depth, not just some typical baby gay - kiss - relationship - end of story. the marriage? full straight nonsense in this time and space on sg. i don’t even find this romantic because the writers aren’t willing to develop their characters, their interactions and the impacts on both character and their relationships. or they do but we don’t get to see it. why? so: i don’t want this for kara and supercorp. some scenes between kara and lena already felt romcom and i always get a little cringy when romantic dynamics between women function as some kind of comic relief on a show that only promotes heterosexual feelings and relationships. and 1 lesbian couple.  give your ladies screentime, let them play out their characters, give us in-depth of their struggles, thoughts and emotions. and not pushing them together because you think your mostly young audience isn’t capable of relating to complexity and contradictory in characters. and for the sake of healthy relationships pls get over your silly heterosexual writing of relationships. i’ve seen some dynamics in sanvers that are highly problematic especially when you’ve experienced violence and abuse in your non-straight relationships or experiencing it rn and not sure what to do or how to process. i know the hets don’t seem to care much about toxic relationships because it’s so normal to them and being shoved down their throats in any media and society way possible but we - dykes, gays, lesbians, wlw, bisexuals, queer people - we are much more vulnerable to this. because for some of us our partner is our most important person and the safe_r space we need to have in order to survive.

[depressiveuglypanda]

My first SuperCorp fic, what do you think?

Well, she was fucked Lena Luthor was so doomed that she couldn't even think how deeply fucked she really was. She was a real Luthor after all, but what changed? Her mother still treated her like an unwanted brat someone who doesn't deserve being alive. Her father who used to treat her better lied to her and thought he would die with his secrets, sorry dad but mom is a bitch and decided to use your mistake to deceive me and for a period shorter than a day made me believe she really loved me. Lex, her beloved brother, the one who used to treat her with kindness and love or at least made her feel less unwanted, went insane and tried, is still trying, to kill her. Luthor's life was a though one, she figured it a long time ago. Once a reporter asked her which place she would feel like home: prison or sanatorium? She just glared at the reporter, god dammit, how many times she had to prove she was good? She was not an angel nor saint, of course not, the detect device was there to prove it. She was so focused in protecting the human specie that she totally forgot that she was becoming too much overprotective which could lead to something worst, how many times important leaders used the term " protection" like an excuse to attack whoever they wanted? Or they really believed the better defense was the attack. She didn't want to become like them, she didn't want to be the Luthor everybody was expecting her to be. Still she was afraid, terrified even, what if she was like them after all? She was similar to her family in so many aspects, she was smart, probably a genius, sarcastic as fuck but also adamant towards her aims, very dedicated to her beliefs and, of course, she could repress emotions easily, her presence would cause others chills, a mix of jealous and admiration. She liked these parts, actually she was proud of being a Luthor, but the Luthors that Lex used to describe when they were younger, how their influence was worldwide, how many people lives they could change and change for better. Lena wanted that, to be that, someone who would help people and make their lives better, that's why she studied while her colleagues were partying, how many "friends" she lost because she wanted to know more about the universe of the quantum physics. Lena sat on her couch and sighed, she mustn't let herself fall in misery like that. She was resilient, she had to be, otherwise she would be dead soon. She still wanted to be the Luthor Lex told her, she would die trying if that's the case, but people didn't give her the chance to try. She heard her phone buzzing inside her purse, she was afraid it her mother, no, not her mother, Lillian Luthor was never her mother, the real one was dead and she wanted to believe she was a good and sane person, because she must have inherit it from someone and Lionel didn't seem to be the one who gave her those qualities .Or maybe she didn't inherit anything good and it was a matter of time until she get crazy and start killing everybody to save them from death? Damn, Lilian and Lex's logic was so weird. How killing stops the end of human race? Anyway, the phone. She grabbed it and was glad to see that the message was not a tread to her life, it was from Kara, her only friend in this city. She smiled, always did when Kara sent her messages late at night, but recently that was causing her a hard squeeze over her heart. Kara: how are you today? Busy one? Did you have lunch properly? There were too many emojis of hearts and smiling faces for Lena's taste. Lena: I am fine and yes mommy, I had lunch. But tell me more about Miss Danvers daily adventures. Kara: Nothing out of ordinary Yeah Kara, kicking aliens and stopping bank robberies is so normal. What? Of course Lena knew that Kara was Supergirl, it wasn't that hard and she interact with both of them enough time to notice the similarities. Kara: Oh, right! Mike and I will have dinner today! We are finally getting along again. Thank you so much for listening to me and giving me marvelous advices about the situation I--- Lena stopped reading the message, suddenly she felt the urge to go to the bathroom and vomit. Lena: Glad I could help. I am really tired so good night. She wanted to scream at the blonde and put some reason inside that kryptonian head! Her advices were all about healthy relationships, she wasn't encouraging Kara to get back to that imbecile! Lena left her phone fall from her hand and went directly to her bedroom leaving the device behind, she turned on the radio on the max vol. fuck dinner, fuck shower, fuck taking off make-up, she was tired and she just wanted to sleep so this hell of day would end faster. She took off her clothes and jumped on her bed, burying herself under the covers. Well,fuck Kara Danvers too! But before Lena could stop giving a fuck to Kara, she remembered the message and how the blonde was happy about being with the douche and in the end that's what matters: Kara's happiness. Her furrowed brows faded and a sad smile took the place of ranged teeth. What? Lena was a true lesbian, and a true one always find a straight beautiful best friend to break her heart multiple times. Although Lena thought she had already passed this phase, damn, she was almost a dusky dyke, too old for this kind of shit. Lena looked at the ceiling of her room and couldn't repress a small desire that burned inside her chest, what if she was her girlfriend? She would treat Kara so differently of the way that jerk was doing. The hero deserved so much better than that, even Lena with all her power and influence couldn't give what Kara really deserved. Still she was doing the best she could, even as a friend. Don't get her wrong, she loved the fact Kara cared about her in a friendly way, she was an incredible one but Lena fucked-up Luthor fell in love for her. Damn, another sigh. Lena ignored the pain over her heart and decided to chose some rock music with unhappy lyrics to match her mood, because why not? She closed her eyes and put the left arm over them. Maybe she should pay a visit to her therapist again, would he tell her to take some anti depressive pills? Some tears escaped while she sang some parts of the music, what? She had the right to be dramatic, at least alone inside her apartment while no one was there to judge her. At least she thought so. She felt someone touch her left arm and by reflex her right hand punched the face of the intruder. She wasn't going to die like that, not today, son of-- Pain, was all she felt, shit!! Lena was about to retreat her hand but... "Oh my Rao" Supergirl grabbed Lena's hand before and caressed it " I am so sorry! Are you hurt? I should have turn off the music or turned on the light or just maybe I shouldn't have came here at all? But Kara Danvers called me and she was desperate because you didn't answer her calls and your mother is still out and I got so nervous...I mean, because Kara was so nervous, I got nervous and--" Supergirl's eyes wide when she noticed the wet eyes and smuggled make-up "...Lena" she whispered and rose her unnoccupied hand until it cup one of Lena's cheeks " what happened? " It took the CEO a full minute to process what was happening. She punched the hero in the face and she was rambling, then she was touching her so softly and talking so smoothly, baby blue eyes were searching answers beyond features and tears, Lena felt like her mind, heart and soul were being scanned profoundly. Finally, when air returned to her lungs and her nervous system came back from tilting, Lena pushed herself from the blonde abruptly and frowned "What are you doing here?" Kara opened her mouth to say something but she frowned too, looked at the source of noise music and went there to turn off the home theater. All this time Lena totally forgot about the loud instruments and shouts, still she heard Supergirl's rambles and whispers. How was that possible? The hero sat on the bed, near the brunette but kept an arm length distance. She rubbed the back of her neck ,a little embarrassed " Miss Luthor, I apologize for startling you, I came here to see how you are" Lena was caught by the blonde's adorable flushed cheeks, but the CEO had to keep the facade of angry citizen " You know my windows are not entrance doors, right?" Kara just nodded and mumbled sorry, like a child who got catch doing something stupid and was now feeling like a dork. The brunette couldn't keep herself and finally chuckled, Kara was just too adorable. Before she could ensure the blonde that she was okay the heard a loud growl coming from the said alien stomach. Kara got redder than before, all her face was blushing " I am sorry, it was long day" Lena couldn't repress a laugh " Skipped dinner? Because if that is the case I can help you" she said while she was getting up. Supergirl started moving her hands in protest " No no, it's not that, I just---" a suddenly breath take. Lena, who was facing the door and deciding which food she could offer the blonde, stopped because of the sudden silence. Why she...? When light green eyes noticed what was happening, Lena herself blushed furiously too. The intruder was staring at her up and down, mouth slightly opened, eyes widened. After eternal seconds kara noticed her boldness, she gulped and kept her eyes everywhere but Lena almost naked body, those long legs, pale and smooth skin, flat belly, voluptuous breasts and delicious--- " So-sorry " She got up fastly " I must go! Bye!" Before Lena could say anything Kara disappeared. Both hearts were pumping hardly, both women blushed from the top of ears until the bottom of their chest and the same thought run in their heads. What just happened?!

[justlanroyref-blog]

What to do when your ex starts dating someone new

Things We All Do When Our Ex Starts Dating Someone New You have to make a real, substantial meaningful difference in the dynamic between the two of you if you are going to actually demonstrate to your ex and show them that they are not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.  She had normal friends who were easy to be around.  And if you would have wanted to know, think about how you would have wanted to be approached about this topic.  You also don't want the new person getting suspicious of you, so you just act like another person your ex knows even though this won't work because the new person has probably stalked you to death and knows everything about you anyway -- but that's another story.  Is it because their new love is true and it means something more than yours did? Some people simply get over their exes in a shorter span of time than others.  Maybe you moved on, but an unexpected wave of nausea still washed over you when you saw your ex tagged in a photo with that new person on Facebook, which made you feel betrayed.

What To Do If You're In A Relationship & Still Thinking About Your Ex Letting go is a process, and it may take you some time and effort to get there.  You saw that the happy new couple is always at this pub near your place.  You did not cause the abuse; your abuser is the one who caused it.  This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments.  We offer one on one Private Coaching Sessions for individuals who are interested in speeding up the process of breakup recovery and get back together with the person they love quickly by letting our experts guide you personally: 1-On-1 Private Coaching Sessions: It would truly be our pleasure to help you be and with the one you love, as always keep fighting the good fight and I wish you all the very best.  It may be that you and your partner decide that your feelings still mean you can be in a relationship.

Coping With When Your Ex Starts Dating First I feel so stupid, weak, worthless.  She probably played soccer in high school and had a mom who baked.  Decide If You're Really Ready To Be In A Realtionship Andrew Zaeh for Bustle Finally, it's important to decide whether or not you're actually ready to be in this relationship.  But that is not me, I mean who gives a crap that I am eating a sandwich or watching reruns of Golden Girls or drinking a beer at a pub.  Like the fierce single woman you are.

Things We All Do When Our Ex Starts Dating Someone New The fantasy must remain a fantasy.  The perfect word to describe the harrowing feeling that resides in the pit of your stomach, when you realize that your ex is dating a woman who looks exactly like you.  He or she hasn't fallen madly in love with someone new, and you haven't been 'replaced' in your ex's mind.  He has no interest in anything but a booty call.  My mouth hung in horror as I realized snarky little Lena was correct.  If you have had the chance to lick your wounds, heal, learn and move on, you stand a better chance of happiness.

My ex is dating someone else what should I do? Of course, everything that follows is subject to change based on the relationship you and your ex had, when you broke up, why you broke up, etc.  Anyway, I wanted to tell you thanks from the bottom of my heart! I was crushed, but I remember that: — I did things as healthy as I could — I shared who I was — I cut the cord — he was controlling, overtly, manipulative and frightened me at times I know that he is only continuing his painful cycle.  Then, my mind starts to shift away from the completely different option and suddenly I start to compare the two similar things.  Was it maybe really all my fault? When you've shared your life with someone, it can feel excruciating when you learn he's now enjoying his favorite sushi restaurant with another person.  And because of this, do not believe that your ex only abused you.  And that's what hurts the most.

Are You Jealous Of Your Ex Dating Someone Else? You escaped the emotional and physical battering from your last relationship.  What do you think is the worst part of finding out your ex is dating again? Here are six tips that will help you process those negative emotions.  The time will come when you are happy again.  If the issue is that you're still feeling hurt or angry at your ex and can't stop thinking about that, your partner may understand — or even have been through the same thing.  Was he emotionally unavailable, then he met his unicorn? Someone please tell me how I can get over this feeling.

My ex is dating someone else what should I do? Every time you experience a negative reaction to your ex dating, stop and go through the list of.  And do you warn the new person, or do you stay out of it? Instead of visualizing this agonizing scenario, immediately distract yourself.  One of the most difficult things to endure after a breakup is when your ex starts dating right away.  During a breakup, when you made the decision to separate from someone, society expects you to always be fine.  That means no texts, no calls, no emails, no activity on social media, no letters ha ha, does anyone write letters anymore? My friends and family said from the beginning he is a jerk, so talking with them about him is no option.  Either way, your best bet is to be honest about how you're feeling.  Started dating again, unfortunately, as my mother tells me, I am a bad picker.

Are You Jealous Of Your Ex Dating Someone Else? Behind every smiling selfie exists a desperate need for validation.  If they suddenly pop into your mind again, try not panic.  Keep in mind that this person is not your direct competition.  Yes — definitely look into the coaching.  Conveniently, your 'no contact' phase will likely be ending around the same time, giving you an opportunity to reach out to your ex just as he or she is experiencing the heartache and loneliness that follow a breakup.

What To Do If You're In A Relationship & Still Thinking About Your Ex So when your ex does stop dating Mr.  Them finding someone new to date is just one of the risks.  Thank you so much for your love, for reading and for your understanding.  The link is at the top of the home page! This good looking, charming prince he was and now is with the new one.  The new partner is not your enemy! How is that for weird, by the way? Or at least that you're not over the relationship.  In theory, your sleuth skills might be enough to let you go unnoticed, if you do deign to check them out.

How it Feels When Your Abusive Ex Starts Dating Someone New Stay with me… How might they have known me? Despite what you thought previously, your connection really could be replaced.  But now, your ex has a new everything.  Stop these thoughts immediately, and read this article carefully.  There is no right answer as to whether you should warn the new partner about past abusive behavior and each situation is different.  Because your ex never really had a chance to be alone and go through the post-breakup blues, he or she will have to face the reality of being single and alone once the rebound relationship comes to an end.  He told me that the entire 2 years we were together he was always looking for something else but since he met her he has deleted his profile on dating sites and has stopped looking and wants a relationship with her.

[viralhottopics]

31 celebrities who smashed the stigma surrounding mental illness in 2016.

It may not seem like that big of a deal when a celebrity speaks up about their experiences with mental illness. But it is.

Throughout 2016, dozens of actors, authors, artists, and athletes trailblazers we’re used to seeing smiling on red carpets or snagging gold medals on TV shared the personal battles they’ve faced behind closed doors. It was a groundbreaking year.

It levels the playing field,” Aaron Harvey says of the many public figures who chose to speak up. Harvey is the founder of Intrusive Thoughts, a group set on humanizing those living with mental illness. Suddenly, you realize the same struggles that you have might be the same struggles that someone you really idolize have. And that [makes it] OK.”

The stigma surrounding mental illness is taking lives. Many millions of people living with conditions like depression and anxiety are shamed into believing there’s something inherently wrong with them that they’re weak, for instance, or even dangerous to others. They suffer in silence because of it.

When a person with a platform becomes a face others can relate to, it becomes a little bit easier for someone else to follow in their footsteps, talk to someone, and get the help they need. Speaking up can save a life.

Here are 31 celebrities who spoke out in 2016 some of them for the first time about their experiences living with a mental illness:

1. Actress Kristen Bell wrote about why you can’t trust all of your thoughts when you’re battling depression.

“For me, depression is not sadness. Its not having a bad day and needing a hug. It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board. I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure. Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldnt have been more wrong.” Kristen Bell, on living with depression

2. Singer Selena Gomez reminded us that you never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head.

“I had to stop. ‘Cause I had everything, and I was absolutely broken inside. And I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down, but I kept it too much together, to where I let myself down. I don’t want to see your bodies on Instagram, I want to see what’s in here. [puts hand on heart] I’m not trying to get validation, nor do I need it anymore. … If you are broken, you dont have to stay broken.” Selena Gomez, on living with anxiety and depression

3. Musical artist Kid Cudi got candid about the limitations that living with a mental illness put on his own life.

“My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I can’t make new friends because of it. I don’t trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me?” Kid Cudi, on living with anxiety and depression

4. Actor Wentworth Miller opened up about becoming the butt of a body-shaming joke amid his struggle to survive.

“Now, when I see that image of me in my red t-shirt, a rare smile on my face, I am reminded of my struggle. My endurance and my perseverance in the face of all kinds of demons. Some within. Some without. Like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist.” Wentworth Miller, on living with depression

5. Actress Hayden Panettiere shared with fans that they might be seeing less of her because, first and foremost, she needed to prioritize getting well.

The postpartum depression I have been experiencing has impacted every aspect of my life. Rather than stay stuck due to unhealthy coping mechanisms, I have chosen to take time to reflect holistically on my health and life. Wish me luck!” Hayden Panettiere, on living with postpartum depression

6. Singer Zayn Malik penned an essay on why he had to cancel performances due to severe anxiety.

“The thing is, I love performing. I love the buzz. I dont want to do any other job. Thats why my anxiety is so upsetting and difficult to explain. Its this thing that swells up and blocks out your rational thought processes. Even when you know you want to do something, know that it will be good for you, that youll enjoy it when youre doing it, the anxiety is telling you a different story. Its a constant battle within yourself.” Zayn Malik, on living with anxiety

7. Artist Lady Gaga revealed a secret about her own battles at an event benefitting young homeless teens in New York.

“My own trauma in my life has helped me to understand the trauma of others. I told the kids today that I suffer from a mental illness. I suffer from PTSD. I’ve never told that to anyone before, so here we are.” Lady Gaga, on living with post-traumatic stress disorder

8. NFL wide receiver Brandon Marshall explained why organizing with one another not hiding away is crucial for those living with a mental illness.

I thought, How many others are out there suffering? I tell people all the time, you know, where were at in [the mental health] community is where the cancer and HIV community was 20, 25 years ago. So we have to galvanize this community. Brandon Marshall, on living with borderline personality disorder

9. Actress Rachel Bloom showed us why we shouldn’t let stereotypes about medication dictate whether we should get the proper help we need.

“I had gone to therapists, but for the first time I sought out a psychiatrist. In his office I finally felt safe. I told him everything. Each session improved my life. He diagnosed me with low-grade depression and put me on a small amount of Prozac. Theres a stereotype (I had believed) that antidepressants numb you out; that didnt happen to me.” Rachel Bloom, on living with depression

10. Musical artist Justin Vernon of Bon Iver got real about what a panic attack can actually feel like.

It was like: Oh my god, my chest is caving in, what the f**k is going on? I dont like talking about it, but I feel its important to talk about it, so that other people who experience it dont feel its just happening to them. Justin Vernon, on living with panic attacks and depression

11. Singer Demi Lovato pointed out the importance of consistently staying on top of your health for the long haul.

“Its not something where you see a therapist once or you see your psychiatrist once, its something you maintain to make sure that you want to live with mental illness. You have to take care of yourself. Demi Lovato, on living with bipolar disorder

12. Actress Lena Dunham opened up about how anxiety affects her day-to-day routines.

Ive always been anxious, but I havent been the kind of anxious that makes you run 10 miles a day and make a lot of calls on your BlackBerry. Im the kind of anxious that makes you like, Im not going to be able to come out tonight, tomorrow night, or maybe for the next 67 nights. Lena Dunham, on living with anxiety

13. NFL guard Brandon Brooks discussed the difference between game-day jitters and the type of anxiety he experiences.

I wanted to get to the bottom of whats going on. Basically, I found out recently that I have an anxiety condition. What I mean by anxiety condition [is] not nervousness or fear of the game. … I have, like, an obsession with the game. Its an unhealthy obsession right now and Im working with team doctors to get everything straightened out and getting the help that I need and things like that. Brandon Brooks, on living with anxiety

14. Actress Evan Rachel Wood spoke out about how our world’s tendency to overlook or dismiss certain groups can complicate a person’s mental health.

“For so long, I was ashamed. Youre dealing with the shame that the world has imposed upon you, and then on top of that, the shame of identifying that way. Youre totally looked down upon in and out of the LGBT community. A good way to combat that and the stereotypes is to be vocal.” Evan Rachel Wood, on living with depression and coming out as bisexual

15. Actress Cara Delevingne got real about her early struggles living with a sense of hopelessness.

“I’m very good at repressing emotion and seeming fine. As a kid I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn’t. So, when it got to being a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school for my parents, not for me I had a mental breakdown. I was suicidal. I couldn’t deal with it any more. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die.” Cara Delevingne, on living with depression

16. Comedian Patton Oswalt laid out the difference between living with depression and surviving the devastation of losing a loved one.

Depression is more seductive. Its tool is: Wouldnt it be way more comfortable to stay inside and not deal with people? Grief is an attack on life. Its not a seducer. Its an ambush or worse. It stands right out there and says: The minute you try something, Im waiting for you. Patton Oswalt, on living with depression and the grief brought on by his wife’s death

17. Singer Kesha opened up about what led her to a rehab program focused on treating eating disorders.

“I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible and, to make that happen, I had been abusing my body. I just wasn’t giving it the energy it needed to keep me healthy and strong.” Kesha, on living with an eating disorder

18. Author John Green wrote about the dangers of romanticizing mental illness.

“Mental illness is stigmatized, but it is also romanticized. If you google the phrase ‘all artists are,’ the first suggestion is ‘mad.’ We hear that genius is next to insanity. … Of course, there are kernels of truth here: Many artists and storytellers do live with mental illness. But many dont. And what I want to say today, I guess, is that you can be sane and be an artist, and also that if you are sick, getting help although it is hard and exhausting and inexcusably difficult to access will not make you less of an artist.” John Green, on living with depression

19. Musical artist Halsley discussed her attempt at suicide as a teenager.

I had tried to kill myself. I was an adolescent; I didnt know what I was doing. Because I was 17, I was still in a childrens ward. Which was terrifying. I was in there with 9-year-olds who had tried to kill themselves. Halsley, on living with bipolar disorder, and once staying in a psychiatric hospital

20. Prince Harry addressed the problem with assuming people who seemingly have their lives in order aren’t struggling with an invisible issue.

You know, I really regret not ever talking about it. … A lot of people think if youve got a job, if youve got financial security, if youve got a family, youve got a house, all that sort of stuff everyone seems to think that is all you need and you are absolutely fine to deal with stuff. Prince Harry, on living with grief after his mother’s death

21. Actress Rowan Blanchard explained why living with a mental illness can be a learning opportunity.

“I learned this year that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive. They can exist within me at the same time in the same moment. While also becoming more forgiving of myself and my emotions, I became more forgiving of others, specifically other teenagers.” Rowan Blanchard, on living with depression

22. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps spoke candidly about why even gold medals couldn’t truly make him happy.

I went in with no self-confidence, no self-love. I think the biggest thing was, I thought of myself as just a swimmer, and nobody else. … I was lost, pushing a lot people out of my life people that I wanted and needed in my life. I was running and escaping from whatever it was I was running from. Michael Phelps, on living with mental illness

23. Actress Jenifer Lewis talked about how the AIDS epidemic led her to realize she needed help.

“Sometimes I suspected that something was not quite right. Especially during the time when the AIDS epidemic was at its height and my grief was pretty much out of control. No one was talking about bipolar disorder and mental illness back then. I had lost so many friends and loved ones. My spiral into depression was overwhelming; I could not function. Thats when I couldnt ignore the fact that something was wrong anymore. Jenifer Lewis, on living with bipolar disorder

24. Singer Adele highlighted why not each form of mental illness manifests the same way in every person.

“My knowledge of postpartum [depression] or post-natal, as we call it in England is that you dont want to be with your child; youre worried you might hurt your child; youre worried you werent doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like Id made the worst decision of my life. … It can come in many different forms.” Adele, on living with postpartum depression

25. Actor Jared Padalecki launched a new “I Am Enough” campaign, selling shirts to support initiatives that fight depression and self-harm.

I am enough. And you are enough. … I know I can keep fighting and I know that Im trying to love myself, but sometimes you feel like youre not enough. So this message is helping me kind of understand that I am enough just the way I was made. Jared Padalecki, on living with depression

26. Actress Amanda Seyfried nailed why we should be treating mental illness just as seriously as any other disease or condition.

“Im on [antidepressant] Lexapro, and Ill never get off of it. Ive been on it since I was 19, so 11 years. Im on the lowest dose. I dont see the point of getting off of it. Whether its placebo or not, I dont want to risk it. And what are you fighting against? Just the stigma of using a tool? A mental illness is a thing that people cast in a different category [from other illnesses], but I dont think it is. It should be taken as seriously as anything else.” Amanda Seyfried, on living with anxiety and depression

27. Musical artist Keke Palmer opened up about how her own mental illness postponed the release of a new album.

I stopped trying all together because I allowed people to make me believe that being an artist meant having big budget music videos and big record producers backing you. When in reality, all being an artist means is to be fearless in your creative pursuits. My anxiety, caused by the habit of unconsciously holding my breath, coupled with the stress of my personal life at that time created a lot of hard years of depression for me. Keke Palmer, on living with anxiety

28. Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones said she’s in a good place right now, thanks to identifying her struggle and finding the help that was right for her.

“Finding out that it was called something was the best thing that ever happened to me! The fact that there was a name for my emotions and that a professional could talk me through my symptoms was very liberating. There are amazing highs and very low lows. My goal is to be consistently in the middle. Im in a very good place right now.” Catherine Zeta-Jones, on living with bipolar disorder

29. Actor Devon Murray used World Mental Health Day to share his own ups and downs with fans on Twitter.

“I’ve been battling depression in silence for ten years and only recently spoke about it and [it] has made a huge difference. I had suicidal thoughts this year and that was the kick up the arse that I needed! Open up, talk to people. If you suspect a friend or family member is suffering in silence [reach out] to them. Let them know you care.” Devon Murray, on living with depression

30. Musical artist Jade Thirlwall discussed a dark time in her life that looked picture-perfect from afar.

“My periods stopped and things were getting out of control, but I don’t think I really cared about what was happening to me. I felt so depressed at the time that I just wanted to waste away and disappear. … It should have been a really happy time my career was successful, ‘Black Magic’ was doing well, and we were traveling and performing. On the surface I was happy, but inside I felt broken.” Jade Thirlwall, on battling anorexia

31. Musician Ellie Goulding explained how her panic attacks often came at the worst possible times.

“I was skeptical [of going to therapy] at first, because Id never had therapy, but not being able to leave the house was so debilitating. And this was when my career was really taking off. My surroundings would trigger a panic attack, so I couldnt go to the studio unless I was lying down in the car with a pillow over my face. I used to beat myself up about it.” Ellie Goulding, on living with anxiety and facing panic attacks

Many celebrities have helped bring the conversation around mental health into the mainstream. But it’s on us to make the real change happen.

While its amazing to have celebrities out there blazing trails and introducing a radical new transparency,” Harvey notes, “the most important thing is that individual sufferers communicate with their everyday connections. If we really want to make an impact on stigma, it cant just be a headline.”

If you need help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1800273TALK (8255). If you want to learn more about mental illness, visit the National Alliance on Mental Health.

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from 31 celebrities who smashed the stigma surrounding mental illness in 2016.