#Last time I actually wrote something was in like 7th grade and I was sick

[buttercupshands]

I'm still torn between trying to cover stuff to learn how to play the melodies better and maybe mix them bc I had this 'dream' for a while (I just want my favorite character themes in one place it's a good dream to have)

And trying out making my own stuff like this little thing (warning this thing is extremely loud)

I just had a moment of WELL WHY NOT THIS AND THIS AND- and poof my first track I guess

Anyway this was made sometime at the beginning of the month I think

It also has a sibling that's a little bit more quiet but has a different start

[pies-writes-and-more]

PIES’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS FOR MAY 2020

So I’ve never done one of these fic recommendations lists before but I really want to share some of the amazing work that I’ve read this past month! I’ve definitely read a whole ton more but I was dumb and didn’t think to like draft this list and then just keep adding to it... so I’m just attempting to go through my tags LOL please be patient with my dumbass. 

NOTE: Since I only started doing this recently, a lot of my recommendations are gonna come from a lot of my mutuals but I’m always open to hearing more about other fics!!! If you’ve got an incredible fic that you are super proud of or if you think that I should read something you’ve read, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME! I’m really big on StevexFem!Reader, BuckyxFem!Reader, WandaxFem!Reader, CarolxFem!Reader, and Stucky fics!!!

If you do end up reading these fics, please tag me if you reblog them or comment on them!! I’d love to see your guys’ reactions :) 

ANYWAYS THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE CRUSHED MY HEART WITH AMAZING FICS, RUINED MY IDEALS OF WHAT LOVE IS, AND/OR BROKEN MY HEART WITH ANGST ONLY TO REVIVE IT WITH SOME FLUFF. I love you all so very much.

PS. if these links dont work for some reason, please let me know so I can update this list because I was very distracted halfway through making this so it might not be perfect!

1.Walpurgis Night by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “In which Steven volunteers to find a long-lost princess of Starkerbürg. (Fairy Tale AU)” I have no clue why this fic is not given more goddamn attention because holy shit yall, I have never been so grasped by a fic before. If you love medieval/fairy tale type things, you will love this fic. And if you don’t, you’re gonna love it anyways because @anika-ann​ writes SO. FUCKING. WELL. 100% fluff and love.

2. Abs Aren’t Always the Answer by @its-not-captain-america​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve asks Y/N what girls are interested in, trying to impress her. Several shirtless pics later it’s not working.” Y’all want hilarious shit??? What about Steve Rogers always trying to take his fucking shirt off because he has the DNA (and the body) of a stripper? JK that’s not the actual reason but this fic is so funny, I died reading the first 700 times (and the 701st time too... and every time after that). 100% hilarious.

3. Challenge Accepted...? by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader ”Steve’s never been good at quick decision-making when it came to his own safety. After one particularly horrible experience, you find a way to remind him every day to think twice the next time he’s faced with a tough choice. He is not amused.” Steven Grant Rogers you stupid dumb hoe lol. That’s all I’mma say about this fic because it speaks for itself when you read it haha. Banter is iconic in this fic. 100% hilarious.

4. A Matter of Trust by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You and Steve get to go to a mission together after a while; free drinks, partying, dressing-up nicely, stealing blueprints, the usual. You might even enjoy this as a couple.“ This time it’s Y/N that’s kindof a stupid dumb hoe but like that’s okay because when Y/N is a stupid dumb hoe, it’s not as stupid or dumb as when Steve does it. There’s a bit of a carry on between Challenge Accepted...? and this fic! So I would suggest reading that one first and then this :) 100% hilarious.

5. For a Smile by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You see him run past every morning. So you smile, because he looks like a nice person. How could he not be when he smiles back and the world stops for a while to pay respect to such beauty?” So you know how Disney movies totally screwed over some of our perspectives of how guys were gonna come and sweep us off our feet? Yeah. This fic did it too. I’m still waiting for my fairytale fucking moment like this fic but if it never happens, I’ll settle for just reading this over and over again LOL. 100% F L U F F and LOVE.

6. Grease and Pearls by @anika-ann​​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “All you know is uptown; fancy clothes, expensive cars, jewellery outshining one’s personality and exhausting dinners with family acquaintances and business partners. Your life is all planned out; one day, you’ll marry Howard Stark’s son and you’ll be the golden couple adored by press.” This 3-part series slayed me. Like honestly, I’ve never been so torn apart before. Y’all lucky that if you read it, you get to read all 3 parts right away whereas I had to sit and wait for my heart to be torn apart and then stomped on. (Jk anika i love you you know that). Super amazing thing I love about this fic: it’s got links to the dresses that Y/N wears (super cute btw) AND it’s got two different endings so you can decide!!! 100% ANGST and 100% FLUFF? At the same time??? Because of the two endings?!?!?!? NOTE: part 2 got some steamy smut in there so 18+ readers only. I had to take a cold shower after reading it like goddamn.

7. Be Alright by @kayteewritessteve​ ​| Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve goes through a bad breakup, but a sweet voice and a friendly smile helps him realize he can begin again, and that he definitely should.” God this fic. I can’t with this fic. It’s based on the Dean Lewis song Be Alright, which is already one of my favourites, but this fic, ugh, Kaytee knows how to hurt you that’s for sure. It’s so pure and so wonderful. 100% SAD but like it gets better promise.

8. Cold Feet by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

“After two months of dating, you’ve come to a conclusion as exciting as well as a bit irritating: Steve Rogers is a perfect man. He simply has no flaw.Or does he?” Mother. Fucking. Adorable. I dunno if there’s anything else to say except that anika really knows how to make me wish I was Y/N adsoifhosd. 100% F L U F F

9. Hot Chocolate by @vodkaxtonic​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve gets sick and Y/N takes care of him, which involves a lot of Steve’s whining, hot chocolate and cuddles.“ Steve Rogers is a little shit who won’t just accept that he’s sick and needs to be taken care of BUT IT’S SO CUTE AND THIS FIC IS THE BEST!!!! 100% FLUFF!!

10. Home by @evanstush​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “It’s been 2 years since the last battle and it’s now Morgan’s 7th birthday, and well, Tony being Tony, he prepared a small party for her little girl, inviting everyone from the team, including you.” Hnnnggg this fic. Okay so. I love @evanstush​ with all my fucking heart because she’s always been so supportive of me and my fics. That being said I WAS NOT EXPECTING HER KIND ASS TO HURT MY HEART LIKE THIS. But again, it’s okay because it’s got fluff guys. 50% ANGST and 50% FLUFF. Well like it’s 100% both but like I have to split it haha.

11. Cocktails by @writeyourmindaway​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “ ~i really don’t know what to write i’m sorry~ DRINKS!” That’s okay, darling, I’ll write the summary you. HILARITY. WONDERFULNESS. THE WORD BLOWJOB WRITTEN SO MANY TIMES AND IT’S FUCKING GOLD. This is so funny i love it haha. This fic killed me. I should’ve seen it coming (hehe) but i didn’t lol. 100% HILARIOUS.

12. Unadulterated by @writeyourmindaway​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader No summary for this one but again, I shall do the honours haha. It’s part 2 of ‘Cocktails�� and this one is just as adorable and hilarious as the first part! Steve is a cheeky little soft boi and the flirting just makes me feel all sorts of ways <3 100% ADORABLE.

13. Water Wars by @writeyourmindaway | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader “The team finds a new way to unwind” I love fics where you just see the team get to be normal people!!! Plus haven’t we all thought about how the Avengers would are in a water fight? Is that just me? Don’t have to fantasize about it now because @writeyourmindaway wrote it for you :D 100% FLUFF.

14. Slow Like Honey by @heli0s-writes | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “The gossip that buzzes around in the teacher’s lounge is that sweet, sensitive, divorcé Steve Rogers is hot-for-teacher. His daughter’s first-grade teacher, to be exact.” I binged this whole fucking series. 8 parts of PURE. EVERYTHING. I have never so badly wanted a happy ending in my fucking life. This is an amazing series with so much love put into it, you can tell. I really can’t explain this fic because you really need to just go read it to know how amazing it is. NOTE: Part 4, 5, and 8 have some serious love smut in there so 18+ readers only please. UGH. I love this fic so much. I will continue to keep daydreaming about it and thinking about it all the time. God I love me some Dad!Steve. 50% FLUFF and 50% ANGST (which seriously tore my heart out like I cried).

15. You Make My World Spin by @anika-ann | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “After the Battle of New York and all the mess Tony gets involved in later, Pepper believes he is in a need of an assistant slash tech genius. Enter you. While Tony is not amused by Pepper’s idea at first… he soon warms up to you.” So many insanely wonderful references in this fic, it’s hilarious. Also, Tony being a little shit LOL. Such a hilarious fic!!!! 100% AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS.

16. If You Stumble... by @anika-ann | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “If you stumble…make it part of the dance. In which you ask Steve what your date would look like if you lived the forties. He decides to show you instead. There are few flaws, holes to see through to glimpse beyond that illusion. But what life would be besides boring if everything was perfect? Perfect dress. Perfect date. Perfect gentleman…?” So my dumbass was so excited to read something that anika put out that I didn’t realize this was part 2 of a 3 part series lol I’m dumb yes I know. Anyways, this is part 1 so please don’t be like me and read the first part LOL. ANYWAYS, this was so fucking wholesome. This is definitely one that I need to read again and fully read in order (she’s got part 3 on her AO3, I believe) but ugh. I love the idea of Steve dating in this century, comparing things to how things were done in the old days ufglasodfhsd. I love it. Amazing. 100% FLUFF (I think because well my dumbass hasn’t finished but this part was fluffy :3)

17. @wxstedhexrt‘s poems | Read Them Here! | Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes I don’t think Destiny ever gave me a summary of these but (and Destiny, please correct me if I’m wrong in how you want these to be portrayed!) I believe they’re poems written throughout the whole Steve and Bucky timeline. She’s used the Winter Soldier’s words and turned them into a gorgeous set of poems. 100% My favourite thing in the whole fucking world. 

18. The Lonely Tree by @sarahwroteathing​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You have a favorite tree which you make sure to pass every day on your way to class, but one day you find you’ll have to get used to sharing it with a friendly art student.” Holy shit guys this 15 part series was so amazing. It’s 100% PURE FLUFF and PINING and gorgeous. Holy shit. Like I screamed reading the whole goddamn thing. Amazing writing by an amazing human being with some awesome humour haha.

19. @sinner-as-saint​ responding to an anon request? Amazing. | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader Request: May I just spice up your day with the thought of best friend/roommate bucky being jealous when you bring someone home HOT. AS. FUCK. Holy shit. It’s such a short little list of things that Bucky would do but ugh. I was dying reading it. I love me some jealous Bucky smut. 100% angsty fluff? With smuttiness ;) 18+ readers please!!

20. @alloftheimaginesblog​ prompted fic | Steve Rogers x Reader (I could be wrong here but I believe the gender of the reader is never specified? But the ring is a woman’s ring so?? @alloftheimaginesblog​ pls correct me if you want!) Prompt: Finding an engagement ring in one of their drawers. So fucking fluffy I needed a cavity filled after ugh. I loved it so much it was just a gorgeous piece of writing. Steve is a little piece of poop for not hiding that ring better I mean come on, you’re telling me you couldn’t have punched a hole, put the ring there, and then cover it up with like a cabinet or something??? jk i still love you steeb. 100% fluff!

21. Laser Tag by @stargazingfangirl18​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You play laser tag with your boyfriend Steve and his best friend Bucky. Since you’re just a plain ole civilian, you gotta use what non-Avenger skills you have to avoid losing. Hint: those skills involve Steve and kissing.” Iconic. Everything. Wonderful. There is nothing I love more than Steve Rogers being a little sucker for making out with his girlfriend even when there’s a competition. 100% fluff!!!!

22. Under the Rainbow, Draga mea by @binkysteebnpewter​ | Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader I don’t think there’s an official summary ( @binkysteebnpewter​ pls correct me if I’m wrong) but my summary is this: GAYNESS <3 I love me some wlw content so when I saw this pop up on my dash, I couldn’t NOT read. It’s soooo good. This is a Social Media AU and the amount of meme usage in there I- it’s fucking wonderful. It’s still in progress though so you guys will have to pine after this relationship with me. I FUCKING LOVE IT. 100% GAY LOVE <3

23. A Fic in which Peggy Carter plays wingwoman because these two idiots are in love with each other but they can’t see it so our Queen needs to throw it at them by @1she1hulk1​ (please note I made this title by myself because I don’t think there was a title LOL @1she1hulk1​ lmk if you want me to change this xD) | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “the plot is bacially you and Steve go to see Peggy and she tells Steve to finally make his move” Peggy Carter is a fucking Queen and she knows that Steve is falling for you, because he just won’t stop fucking talking about you LOL. Anyways, this is a super cute fic!!!! Please go give it some love because this human being who wrote it doesn’t think she’s a good writer?????? Crazy. 100% FLUFF!!!!

OTHER FICS THAT DESERVE MENTIONING!!!!

So because this is my first recommendation list on this site, I know I’m definitely missing some amazing fics that I’ve read but never saved (I’m a terrible person I know). So I’m just gonna add them in this list here because they deserve love and attention too!

@wxstedhexrt​‘s poetry. Period. End of story lol. JK. So the ones that I’ve read that are on Destiny’s tumblr aren’t all fandom related (besides the one that I posted above) but they’re still really amazing. I’ve never felt so captured by poems before (mostly because i’m stupid and don’t understand a lot of poetry). Ugh anyways I love her poems so much so please go check them out! CLICK HERE FOR BEAUTY <3

Alright so I know a lot of you guys know @kayteewritessteve​ but if you don’t, she’s this super amazing writer with INCREDIBLE series. (CLICK HERE TO SEE HER FULL MASTERLIST). But one of my most favourite series by her, and one of my favourite series of all time, is: If Only You Knew “You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him and everything else that happened on that horrible night.”  This 18 (plus an Epilogue) part series will literally have you screaming at your screen being like WHY YALL CANT JUST TELL EACH OTHER HOW YALL FEEL?!?!?!?! 75% angst (because Kaytee likes to hurt us) and 25% fluff BUT the fluff is SOOOOO worth it so it’s like 100% angst and 200% fluff (i was never a mathlete). NOW since, we’re on the topic of Kaytee’s writing, I’d also like to mention: Love and War  “In a harsh medieval world, you set out on a perilous quest that will lead you onto a forbidden land. A land ruled and controlled by a ruthless Warlord King, one who does not look favourably upon trespassers of any kind, and punishes all with an iron fist. You may not know exactly where this quest will end, but what you do know is you will forever be altered by it. And that knowledge alone is what truly terrifies you the most.” so I read this while Kaytee was writing it about a year ago and holllyyyyyy shit. Okay. So. Listen. Fantasy? Check. Romance? Check. Amazing writing? Well it’s Kaytee so yea obviously check. I want to list more things but I don’t want to give it away! This is a 15 part series (plus an Epilogue and Outro) but it goes by so quickly once you’re stuck and waiting for more!!!! 

[classical-crap]

How did you decide that you wanted a degree in music? How did you know that you loved it enough? Were you sure that it was the right choice? Sorry about the amount of questions--I'm considering a degree in music, but I'm open to other possible degrees in other fields also.

I chose a degree in music education. I’m doing music performance as well because it’s very important to me that I be a good musician first an foremost, but my focus right now is on teaching.

I had a crappy time from junior high through high school. I started orchestra in the 7th grade, and it was the one class that I actually talked to my peers in and made friends. I still remember all of the orchestra teachers I’ve ever had, and I keep in contact with a lot of them. 

orchestra was the only place I felt comfortable for a long time, and seeing my progress on my instrument was the only good thing going for my self esteem for a while. 

I think I decided that I wanted to major in music in the ninth grade. ninth grade in particular was really bad for me. (fun fact, I started this blog that year). I basically got really sick and lost a lot of weight. with that came a loss of energy, and it was hard to walk up stairs or stay awake during class, but I never felt tired in orchestra. we got a new orchestra teacher that year, and she made our orchestra the best junior high orchestra in the district. at the last concert, I sat second chair first violin, I got a solo in one of the pieces we were playing, and I got to conduct one of the pieces I wrote for the orchestra (called “gertrude”). it was a bad year for me, but that orchestra concert was one of the best experiences I had so far. after that concert, I knew that I wanted to major in music.

so I came into college with plans to do a double major, and as I’ve taken more education classes, I’ve really shifted my focus onto the music ed degree. I would love to do some freelancing on my instrument or play wedding gigs, but I want to do what my ninth grade orchestra teacher did for my orchestra and give students a great orchestra experience, because if any of them are like I was, they really need it.

I’m pretty set on my degree choices, but things change. prior to the ninth grade, I thought I wanted to be a writer. in ten years from now, I might want something new. but right now, I want to be a good musician and a great teacher. 

if you’re not set on the music degree, I wouldn’t do it. the music degree is usually more credits than any other degree, and it’s very time-consuming. it can also take 5 years to get a degree in music depending on your specific major, and some people aren’t willing to spend that much time in college for a bachelors.

I would try imagining your daily college life for each of the majors you’re interested in. expectations might not match up with reality, but it might help you get a sense of what you do and don’t want. for example, if you don’t like the idea of being alone in a room with your instrument for upwards of three hours a day, don’t major in music performance. if you like the idea of being in a relatively small community where it’s easier to find friends with similar interests, music might be a good choice. you still have time to think about all of this. 

[stvllioner]

plzz, grow up. youre always complaining about how hard you hav it when there are so much worse that could happening. starvation, illiteracy, bullying, physical abuse, etc. and youre sad bcuz you feel insecure? as a person, youre actually quite mean. people like you make me sick.

You know, if you really had your money at your words you would’ve done this off Anonymous but you’re clearly a pussy ass bitch to do so. Since you think I’m a bitch or an asshole or an asswipe (whichever you’d like to prefer), I just wanted to water your crops and respond to you in that manner. You’re welcome. I will write you an essay since you’re just an angry fan who wants attention.

1. There’s a reason why I haven’t properly stated my reasons for being like I am the way I am, but since you want to be all up in my coochie hairs, this is my business.

- losses in the family.

- stresses of school.

- responsibilities i have to take care of because I can’t just drop out because i “feel insecure”.

- wanting to reach out but my feelings and thoughts are always twisted because I am shit at words/or seen as stupid reasons to be upset.

- legit being called a rape apologist that triggered me from past experiences, sent my already deteriorating mental health into shit hole.

- being body shamed at a place that felt second home at.

- wanting to do my favourite hobby on earth but not being able to do it because I have no energy for it/not wanting to leave my followers hanging who are excited for things and not post at all (which I’ve been doing but I sincerely apologize).

2. What the fuck makes you think I have never struggled before? I am genuinely curious. Because I can write? Because I try to be nice to people on my blog? Because until now I don’t hide that yeah, I’m not in the best place? You’re such an asshole for even trying to invalidate my feelings and its happened way too many times in my life to let someone like you even attempt to do it. Maybe you’re attacking me because I am young. Maybe you’re attacking me because you need to blow off some steam. 

I legit don’t know what your reason is, but YOU need to grow up LMAO like your ass in ANONYMOUS right now kik like whaaaaaat. My cock isn’t yours so hop off it okay? Never called you my slut but you all up in my pussy boy.

3. Also to further my point in bullet one, why is it that I can’t feel insecure? It’s not like I wake up with a mental breakdown not feeling myself on purpose. It’s not like I wake up and go “okay what can I be depressed about today” – because quite frankly if I had the choice guess what? I wouldn’t choose it lmao. 

Just like many artists like Billie Eilish, what’s wrong with admitting that you aren’t okay? Like how is that immature? The first step to the healing process is to know the issue, second step is finding out the root of the problem. Since I know myself, me saying that is basically a forewarning like “my emotions are fucked up at the moment, so I might be an asshole because what the fuck are feelings?”.

And you know what? When you’re often a second choice, or someone shows absolute affection towards you and makes it seem you’re the only one then they do it to everyone else then yeah it does get to you. But from what I’ve read, you’re too much of a pretentious bitch to have ever experienced that and people probably bend to everything you say and that is why you don’t like me. I don’t act the way you want me to. And you were probably the one all up in my inbox asking me age like a creepy bitch like that is none of your flip flacking fucking business (apologies if the anon who asked that isn’t, its weird. dont do it lol).

4. Yeah I make you sick? I’m mean? Since you have not provided any statements nor receipts for me too refute, yeah everyone can be a bitch. I mean just look at you sugar. Anyways, I will be showing the pros and cons of talking to me, so you know, people like you,,, don’t,,,,, get,,,,,, sick,,,,,,,,

pros:

I am nice - unlike popular belief or your opinion and no, not to be cliche. yeah sometimes when i talk its like “… why the fuck would you say that?” because sometimes I just don’t know. So it’s better to tell someone then I’m sitting here like

after it hits the fan.

I am very supportive - bro, you having a hard time? Hold up where is the remaining of my happy energy to give to you! You need a heart meme? Writing piece? Like I got you. Feel like your stuff isn’t worth it? You don’t feel worth it? I got you. Like no cap.

Loyal - you give me the same energy, I vibe it back to you love. That’s all. You shower me in love, I shower you in love. You never forget me or always talk to me, I do the same. It’s how you do it babe.

cons:

there’s a reason why my blog name is “savnofilter” - and imma explain it good. Well here’s a backstory ain’t nobody asked for so here it is. 

So in 7th grade, moved to my new town I live in – shit at first kinda alright now. We had this assignment in our poetry unit, and that was to get the class divided and have a rap battle and whoever won I don’t fucking know got extra credit or some shit (my brain is old at this point, can’t remember shit lol). So in this assignment, we had to make, a rapper name. And I wanted it to be cringey (yes, that was the vocabulary used-). I had to think long and hard because mane I ain’t ever thought of shit like that until my friend was like, “hey, why don’t you go with savage because you say wild things and don’t care” and I was like,,,,, oh shit mane, U RIGHT. Then I was like, that isn’t enough. I need more, more flare. So I dozed off then sat up like “oKAY A CONCEPT THO, HOW ABOUT NO FILTER?! SAvage… No Filter? Saying it out loud sounds like absolute rubbish.” So I had to think again, what name clicks? 

I had already locked in that I have no filter because I don’t give a fuck, so whats next?Sav[redacted]nofilter (blurred because you’d be able to find me somewhere NOT related to writing LMAO). So yeah, because I’m a savage. I genuinely do not care what I am saying. And no, not in a way that I’m saying something insensitive and going “its mah trademark!” its because I don’t care. I’m a savage with no filter.  

If you piss me off or ignore what I’ve said or belittled me – whatever I will not hold back! period! - I dont have much explaining for that but there it is. take it how you will. 

I am piss poor shit at words - I know plenty of you will read this and be like “but u write? 👁️👄👁️”. So you guys know those people who need like a puppet to speak properly, or sing so they don’t stutter? That’s basically me. If it’s not an actual work or anything I can’t comprehendddddd. Then again I’ve learned to just hold on my feelings since I use to be a crybaby and such. I just horde my feelings until they get worse, like now. I’ve now just realized this so I’ll be talking with my therapist into easing me into sharing how I feel. Which furthers my next point -

I have constipated feelings - so, you can say, that my feelings a shit (y'all saw what I did there LMAOOOOO).

I vibe with how you vibe with me - pro if you do it right, con if you do it wrong. My mum has always said that I tap into peoples energies too much, but its because I like helping people, I like helping people feel secure and everything is alright but it backfires when someone isn’t giving me the same energy.

At this point, I’m not mad anymore. I know who wrote this anyways by the end of this so I apologize for my language earlier ;;. If you truly wanted to speak with me, I would’ve appreciated it lol. I’m just hurt you chose to do it in such a destructive manner, even including someone else in it as well. 

oh oh!! yes, i get vague visions of who be all up in my inbox so theres that. thisll be last time i take anyone serious on anon, so future anons you can cuss em out if youd like lol.

[hyyunjinn]

"i have a pirate au and i don't know what to do with it" um. write it??? show us??? please?

I DON’T KNOW I REALLY WANT TO but the last time I wrote an actual actual story was 9th grade. i’m just really insecure about my writing lmao 

but i’ll give you the breakdown ( + a couple of little details) if you’d like :D

Captain Bang “Call Me Captain I’ll Do It For My Crew” Chan

all the younger boys scream “CAPTAIN” all the time and it’s usually just to prank him

lost his family to a kingdom raid and hijacked the abandoned ship his father saved over the years while trying to repair it

maybe kinda sorta has a little itty bitty crush on princess jihyo (IMAGINE PRINCESS JIHYO THOUGH. THAT ON ITS OWN MAKES ME WANT TO WRITE AN AU FOR HER T^T) 

Lee “STAY AT YOUR POST” Felix

never stays at his post so they always miss land when it’s nearby and have to steer back.

2nd member of Chan’s crew

Yang “I AM A REAL PIRATE” Jeongin

knows absolutely nothing about being a pirate because Chan doesn’t want to teach him.

3rd member of Chan’s crew.

this kid always dreamed of being a pirate so when he saw this ship off the coast of his home, he ditched home, stashed himself in barrels until Chan finally found him—when they were pretty far from his home already.  

Seo “Don’t Make Me Angry” Changbin

4th member

the other skilled swordsman

when recruiting seungmin, he bumped into a little monster that was struggling from not falling off a cliff and he just, want to save it

the creature says something like “munchlax” but changbin ended up naming it gyu

gyu eats half of the food on the ship and chan was ready to boot it off the ship but changbin didn’t let him

and because gyu is really helpful during attacks

hyunjin’s childhood friend

Han “I’m the Best Swordsman—no you’re actually not” Jisung

is really a good swordsman.

He was a knight in training (ex-knight) until he saw Chan fight off a knight and thought he was really cool

his father is a knight but recently passed away during war

5th member

was not fond of hyunjin joining the team because he knew hyunjin is the crown prince of jisung’s home kingdom

Kim “Stop Stealing my Pixie Dust” Seungmin

is half fairy.

His magic is very limited and use too much of his pixie dust gets him really sick.

He’s human sized but is usually pressured into turning into a fairy to help the boys steal things.

cleans the ship kind of member and nags them a lot

6th member

doesn’t take anyone’s shit and definitely uses his magic to get revenge at the crew, especially at Jisung

Rouge Prince Hwang “Fight Me” Hyunjin

7th member

not too bad with a sword himself

really good with words to trick people

(gets teased because he has a sweetheart at home)

his cute dog kkami follows him everywhere and is the mascot of the group

kkami is his partner in crime

he didn’t want to rule a kingdom because he’s a shy baby :( and because he doesn’t really like his parents

Prince Lee “Wow He’s Gorgeous” Minho

lost baby is lost.

8th member

minho was actually knocked unconscious and he ended up on the ship because the bad guy had to lug him somewhere but then they missed the ship when they realized they left something back at the marketplace and everyone was freaking out

adapts and learns pretty fast so he’s like the secret weapon of the group

The plot is pretty much trying to return Minho back home but other pirates are trying to steal Seungmin so SKZ kinda gets themselves into a big mess. It’s heavily heavily friendship :(((((( which is why i love this idea but idk how to write it. 

[prorevenge]

Screw with my grade? Have fun dealing with an investigation from the dean's office.

Buckle in, because this is a long read, but the end is worth it.

Last semester I took an online only ECON-101 class to fulfill one of the requirements of my associates degree. I chose economics because it sounded more interesting than the other options - big mistake. This teacher, let's call him Professor Y., does absolutely no teaching online, takes forever to answer questions, and doesn't really seem to care about actually helping us learn. There was a website, called MyEconLab, which is where homework, quizzes, and tests were taken. Other than that, there were also weekly discussion boards to engage with our peers.

Now I'm not going to lie, I didn't deserve an A for this class, or even a B. I missed some assignments and didn't do so well on others. However, I thought that I earned a C. I got sick in the middle of the semester and missed some assignments, which was totally my fault. I noticed that I was now in danger of getting a D for the class, which wouldn't be good at all. I looked at the syllabus, which was littered with typos and was generally very confusing. I found a passage that says that the final was worth 100 points, and at this point in the class we only had 255 total. It seemed to be worth a big chunk of points. There was also a term paper assigned, which was also worth 100 points.

I focused more on the final than I did the term paper, because I'm better at multiple choice than I am papers. I received an 83% on the final, and I was satisfied that I would scrape by with a C.

The class ended on December 15th, and the final was not added to my gradebook. I thought that it was a little weird, but I didn't think anything of it. The professor had been taking a long time all semester to grade assignments. I checked every couple of days to see what my final grade was, and on January 10th, I was assigned a D. I checked my gradebook and saw that I got a 67% on the term paper, which is around what I expected. However, my final was nowhere to be found. In addition, the only assignment that referenced the MyEconLab website had not been updated since November 6th. Remember, the class ended on December 15th, so there was almost a month of assignments that weren't counting towards my grade.

Thinking that there must be some mistake, I sent my professor an email.

Hello Professor,

I checked my grade on webadvisor and it says that I have a D. I logged into blackboard and it says I have a 67%, but that doesn't appear to be taking into account the grade I received for my final exam, as well as some of the other MyEconLab assignments.

In addition, I'm having a hard time understanding your grading rubric, so any clarifications you can offer there would be most appreciated.

Thank you,

Ceryliae

I did not hear back from my professor for 48 hours. At this point, I called the Dean that oversaw Humanities, Arts & Social Sciences. I explained my situation to her, and she said that she would call my professor, and that there was a chance that it was just a mistake. The next day I received an email back from my professor

HELLO STUDENT, HERE IS A SUMMARY OF YOUR GRADE TO DATE. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED (2) CRITICAL DISCUSSION BOARDS WHICH AFFECTED YOUR GRADE SIGNIFICANTLY. PLEASE REVIEW THE COMMENTS I MADE IN BLACKBOARD REGARDING YOUR TERM PROJECT. IF NEEDED WE CAN MEET TO DISCUSS YOUR GRADE FURTHER.

Yes, it was really in all caps. Below that my professor had included my gradebook, which I already saw. That was the whole reason I was getting in touch with him. My professor didn't actually answer any of my questions. So I wrote him back.

Hello Professor, I appreciate your reply, however this doesn't answer my questions. Where is my final? What about my MyEconLab assignments from the last couple weeks of class?

Ceryliae

He replied

Ceyliae (he misspelled my name), please watch your tone. Your final is located in myeconlab, as mentioned in the syllabus if you reviewed it here is a breakdown of how the grades are calculated. Course Assignments and point distribution approximations:

(3) Chapter Mid-Term Exams (MyEcon lab) = 45 %

(1) Final Exam (MyEcon lab) = 25%

(16) Chapter Quizzes (MyEcon lab = 15%

(1) Term Project (Written) = 100 (points)

(10) Chapter H/W/Video Assn. MyEcon lab = + 15%

(6) Chapter Discussion Forums = 120 (points)

Total Points 100% weighted (plus 220 points)

Underneath that, he included the gradebook from MyEconLab. Which I already had. The grade breakdown that he included in this email was already located in the syllabus, which I read. I'm not sure about you guys, but this is very confusing to read and its actually impossible to calculate your grade from this. Once again, he failed to answer my questions. Not only that, he also asked me to watch my tone? I've been nothing but respectful. Also, he implied that I haven't read his dumpster fire of a syllabus, which I have.

My reply to him was

Professor,

I apologize if I come off as rude, it's not my intention. I'm just very confused. The only assignment on blackboard that is labeled as MyEconLab says that it is for weeks 1 through 11, and was last updated on November 6th. How does that include my final exam grade, which was taken on December 15th. Additionally, how can something that was updated on November 6th include all of my assignments for November 7th through the end of the semester?

Also, I did read the syllabus, and I spent quite a while trying to work out how the point distribution is calculated. I wasn't able to figure it out, which is why I asked for some clarification. I'm sorry if asking for clarification came off as being disrespectful.

I wait four days without a reply, and then I called the Dean again. I told her that I didn't feel like this was a mistake, and that I didn't think this was going to be resolved between the professor and me. She told me she would look into it further, and that she's been following our email conversation, but she didn't have my last email to him, which I forwarded in her direction.

Shortly after my phone call with the dean, my professor emailed me back.

Ok, 1st the points in MyEcon Lab are calculated within the My econ lab system based on the weighted point allotment for the particular assignment. This is why I sent you a copy of the syllabus which expresses all assignments in Myecon lab as a weighted %. Hence, the 92% for example on the final, is weighted with all other exam grades, which represented 70% of the Myecon grade.

Secondly, the Big reason, respectfully, your grade was lower than anticipated was based on the (2) discussion boards you missed in my opinion, with those 2 scores you would have been above a 70%.

All I can say is, we can sit down in Spring 2018, during office hours, and I can explain the grading criteria, as I have designed it based on student work within Myecon lab and Blackboard.

You did miss (2) discussion Board Correct? I just ask this to make sure this point clarification is correct.

Again, email me after February 12th, 2018 when I return from Winter Break and we can over your grade scores again.

Thanks Sincerely;

Professor Y.

So now finally I've gotten an answer on one of my questions. He says that he is calculating my grade by reducing all of the assignments that were done on MyEconLab down to a 100 point assignment based on the weighted percentages in the syllabus. This is ridiculous because there are 355 points in total for the class, so reducing all that work down to 100 points means it's all worth very little. The final ended up being only worth 7% of my grade. I replied back to him:

Professor Y.,

I appreciate your efforts to clarify your grading policy, however I am even more confused than before. If I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like you're saying that every single assignment for MyEconLab is weighted according to the percentages on page three of your syllabus. Then those points are counted as part of the "MyEconLab (Weeks 1-11)" assignment, which is worth one hundred points.

This contradicts what your syllabus says on page five:

"Exams: there will be 4 exams over the course of the semester, (3) Midterm and (1) Final. These exams are a combination of multiple choice, matching, ordering, and essays. Each Exam is worth 100 points, and the exams are each worth 45% of your overall grade.

Research Paper: you will submit an 8-10 page research paper on a topic approved by the instructor. A separate handout will be distributed to students with details on formatting this assignment. The research paper is worth 20% of your overall grade and is 100 points. Document Requirements Page Located in Blackboard (Term Project Requirements)." (Emphasis mine)

This seems to contradict what you've stated about the final and midterm exams only being included in the MyEconLab assignment on blackboard. Towards the end of the semester, after I missed the two discussion boards, I realized that I might end up with a D in your class. I consulted your syllabus to see what points were remaining, and found the passages from page five that I quoted above. It seemed to me that the final exam was worth quite a big chunk of points, and I was relying on that to bolster my grade. At the end of last semester I was incredibly busy with other classes, performances, work, and illnesses. I believe you are aware of my illnesses, because you denied my request for an extension on the term paper. For these reasons, I had a limited amount of time to devote to studying. If I had known that in reality, the final was only worth 7% of my overall grade, I would have budgeted my time differently. Instead of studying so much for the final, I would have put more time into my term paper, which seemed to be worth less points.

You keep asking me to reference your syllabus, and in a previous email, you stated that if I had read your syllabus, I would not have questions about my grade. However, your syllabus seems to contradict itself in several places. I saw the quoted passage on page five, and assumed that it was correct. Was I incorrect to rely on your syllabus to guide me in how to approach your class?

Furthermore, I have asked a direct question in three separate emails, and I have not received a direct answer:

There are several assignments which were turned in after November 6th at 2:34 PM, this includes three chapter quizzes as well as my final exam. How are these assignments included in my overall grade, if the MyEconLab assignment was last updated on November 6th at 2:34 PM?

I would appreciate an answer, because it doesn't feel fair to me to receive a grade without all of my work being included in my grade. MyEconLab says that I spent over 4 hours working on assignments that were turned in after November 6th at 2:34 PM. Was that all for nothing?

I am sorry to keep bothering you during the winter break, however this is a time sensitive matter for me, as I receive a hefty discount on my car insurance for maintaining a 3.0 GPA. For that reason, I would like to resolve this as soon as possible.

Please be aware that I have CC'd the dean to this conversation.

Thank you very much, Ceryliae

The professor emailed me back the next day:

Well, I will address these issues within the next 4 weeks with you when we Meet. Again, did you miss (2) discussion Boards?

I am aware you have spoken with my Dean, and Chairman, however, this does not change my position or your grade until further review.

I will be back in the office starting February 13th, 2018 and we can revisit these issues 1 by 1.

Please just reply back for my records if you missed (2) Discussion boards or you can defer until we meet and I will use what I have in blackboard as my answer.

Please, no more emails until we meet, to keep perceptions and frustrations to a minimum.

Thanks.

So not only is he refusing to answer my questions, he also asked me a question about the discussion boards I missed, which I actually answered in the previous email. That means he didn't really read my assignment. Additionally, I can't really afford to wait 4 weeks to resolve this situation as my car insurance will literally go up hundreds of dollars.

I email him back:

Professor Y.,

I am disappointed that you are unwilling to answer my simple questions about my grade at this time, because this situation is very time sensitive for me.

As I stated in my previous email, yes, I did miss those two discussion boards.

I appreciate your offer to meet with me once the spring semester begins, however I don't think it is in my best interest to meet with you alone. I am uncomfortable meeting with you without the dean in attendance.

Thank you, Ceryliae

The next day I hear back from him with this short email:

Grade was changed to a C.

Best Success.

So now I've gotten what I was trying to get a week earlier. However, I'm not satisfied. So I call the dean and tell her that since I've been given the C I'm dropping the matter. However, I still think that Professor Y. should be investigated for how he grades assignments, as well as the confusing nature of his syllabus. She tells me that she is already investigating, and then asks me to put all this in an email to her so that she has a written account. She also tells me that she was calculating my grade and she thought I earned a C. She also didn't think that I had any issues with my tone, and said that I was nothing but respectful.

Here is that email:

Hello Dr. E.,

Professor Y. informed me that he was changing my grade to a C. For this reason, I would like to put this matter to rest. However, there are still some lingering concerns that I feel should be addressed going forward.

It still appears to me that not all of my assignments were calculated into my grade, due to the MyEconLab assignment on blackboard last being updated on November 6th, and the class ending on December 15th.

The syllabus has many inconsistencies as well as flat out missing quite a bit of information. Page three has the grading breakdown and mixes points and percentages, which makes it very confusing. Furthermore, the grading breakdown is contrary to what it stated on page 5:

"Exams: there will be 4 exams over the course of the semester, (3) Midterm and (1) Final. These exams are a combination of multiple choice, matching, ordering, and essays. Each Exam is worth 100 points, and the exams are each worth 45% of your overall grade.

Research Paper: you will submit an 8-10 page research paper on a topic approved by the instructor. A separate handout will be distributed to students with details on formatting this assignment. The research paper is worth 20% of your overall grade and is 100 points. Document Requirements Page Located in Blackboard (Term Project Requirements)."

Along the same lines, there are typos littered throughout the syllabus, including stating that the four exams are each worth 45% of your overall grade, which adds up to 180%. If the Syllabus for Econ-101 is confusing, there is a good chance that his other classes are equally confusing. How many students have not had the confidence to come forward after they were misled or confused by Professor Y's syllabus? I have attached all three revisions of Professor Y's syllabus to this email.

You have been exceedingly helpful with this matter, and I appreciate all the help you've given me.

Thank you,

Ceryliae

So now the professor is under investigation for how he grades assignments as well as his syllabuses. None of this would have happened if he had assigned me the grade I earned.

TL;DR Professor screws me over with my grade. I get the dean involved and my grade is changed to a C. Not satisfied, I also get him investigated by the dean's office.

(source) (story by Ceryliae)

[melmothblog]

Ask Responses: Vaganova

The exact reason why RBV posted that mean video (which has since been removed) of Savelieva was that he was bitter that his favorite, Kristina Spiridonova, was not being cast in lead roles. That could be why you got so many asks about her . The truth is, a student's barre placement in exams and castings depend largely on their class ranking from exams. If Kristina is not frequently promoted, it is likely that teachers and examiners find her lacking in something intangible, e.g. stage presence.

You could be right, but I find that people like RVB always find a reason to be toxic. And they never have to look very hard.

Do you think we’re going to see VBA take a similar (yet lesser) approach of over-exposure next year with Alexandra Khiteeva that we saw with Sevenard? She’s already following down a Sevenard-Esque path, with having performed Masha as a Year 7, and her doing the Pas de Quatre which VBA has taken multiple places and performed many times.

It’s hard to predict something like this. I don’t think (and I hope) no student will experience the same level of expose again any time soon, because of how damaging it can be. Elya’s situation was especially difficult because her final year and graduation coincided with the whole Mathilde business and her father’s (very) public claim that the family were actually descended from the Romanovs. 

This is something I should’ve mentioned the last time I wrote about Elya. VBA certainly didn’t do her any favours but they aren’t the only ones to blame for the negative (and wholly underserved) attitude Elya was greeted with upon her graduation. There were a lot of elements at play at that time. I think her situation is too unique to be replicated. 

That being said, Alexandra is talented and is getting a lot of great opportunities... Unfortunately, that’s more than enough for some people to hate her. 

Is there any video with 7th grade classical exam on-line?

Not that I’m aware of.

So I know that not every student gets to perform in The Nutcracker or The Fairy Doll. But do all students in the graduating year get a part in the grad performances?

Yes, provided they’re not sick or injured, I believe they do. Although not everyone gets to dance prominent or solo roles. Some grads only get to do corps parts.

Is ‘Suite En Blanc’ no longer a part of the VBA Graduation performances?

It is. If you’re referring to my instagram post from yesterday, I accidentally left it out of the English part of the text :/ My bad.

One thing also to remember about positions/places on the centre barre (which sounds very obvious but i think should be remembered) is that a girl who loses her place has not necessarily become worse/lost form. It can simply be the case that other students in the class have recently improved/were late bloomers and as such have leapfrogged up the class rankings.

Yes, this is true. I guess that’s what I meant by student being “unable to handle the competition” in my previous response, although you out it a lot nicer.

I was watching some of the character exams posted of the 7b and 7v classes and I noticed that their repertoire is very different. The 7b class has the boys and seem to dance more group/corps and partnering variations while the 7v class is only girls and has a lot more solo/smaller group parts. I was wondering why this discrepancy exists and how they decide which class does which?

All grade are broken down into several steams (A, B, V - that’s Russian A, B, C) and those streams are, in turn, broken into boys and girls classes. For example, here’s the breakdown of the current Grade 7 / Level II:

7A (class of Sitnikova - girls); 7A (class of Tsiskaridze - boys); 7B (class of Vasilieva - girls); 7B (class of Ermolenkov - boys); 7V (class of Zhilonkina - girls). In Grade 7 / Level II, character dance is taught by Sirotin and  Smironova. I assume you’re referring to the videos from Sirotin’s character dance exam and those are the only ones available online. 

As I’m not a Vaganova insider, I can’t tell you exactly how Sirotin decides on the repertoire. I think that, like most teachers, he selects the pieces that will show off the students strengths while making the overall program diverse and interesting. Some pieces, like the Gypsy dance from “Don Q”, are fairly “standard” and are used in many exams.

I was amused to see Lezginka in this year’s exam. Lezginka is a traditional Georgian dance and I’d like to think that Sirotin threw it in there to humour Tsiskaridze, but it was probably added to the repertoire because it’s such an amazing, fiery character dance.

d i s c l a i m e r

[rivkahstudies]

It has been a challenging yet rewarding year and I am so grateful for everyone I’ve met along the way.

January

I was accepted into Rotary Youth’s Short Term Exchange Program.

I started a jar where I write a note every time something good happens to me.

February

I had a flawless performance as part of my Spring Talent Show.

March

I was selected as a representative of Character Counts for my school. 

I wrote a very good IB English EA. 

My great-uncle died.

I took my first SAT and got a 1380 without studying.

April

I finished my EE rough draft the day before my birthday.

I turned 17 on the 7th.

I did my IOP.

My now ex-boyfriend gave me the flu right before finals and prom. April 20th: I made this studyblr while sick in bed in order to have the motivation to finish the semester with good final grades.

May

I was elected President of National Honor Society for 2017-2018 year.

I started forgetting to add to the Good Things Jar. Resolution: Try again for 2018 and actually keep doing it.

I won $1000 in a scholarship.

I watched my amazing senior friends graduate.

June

I prepped for my trip to Spain.

I started to read books for pleasure again.

I got new glasses.

I started bullet journaling.

July

I went to Spain, immersed myself in the Catalonian culture, made lasting friendships and ties with my family, and learned so much.

I went back home with my exchange sister and our flight was delayed so late that we got in at like 2 AM - and mom came to pick us up.

August

I brought my exchange sister back home, went ziplining, showed her my city and culture, and sent her home with tears at having to depart each other.

I went back to school.

I started working as a paid Hebrew School teacher.

I decided to grow out my hair.

September

I redid my Biology IA.... and then redid it again.

I started self-teaching Italian.

I applied for more scholarships.

October

My best friend lost her home and we became closer as I helped her out.

I supported my class in Homecoming Skits and we won.

I dumped my boyfriend.

I lost people who I thought were my friends.

I saw the Full Monty as a play at my local theater.

I went to Homecoming Dance.

November

I applied to UCF, UF, and FSU.

I scored a 1410 on my SAT and a 33 on my SAT.

I got accepted to UCF.

I won a DAR scholarship.

I took the SAT Subject Tests and did a decent job on them.

I got a bunch of free books from the library.

December

I applied to Boston U.

UCF gave me a $14,000 scholarship to go to their school.

I did amazingly on my IOC.

I helped run an amazing Secret Santa as part of NHS.

I went to an animal shelter with my teacher/neighbor and her family.

I passed my Biology final with an 84 raw and 101 curved.

I passed my Spanish final with 100%. Whaaat. Howwww.

I went to see Coco with my friend and cried. My new favorite movie.

I finished my final draft of the Extended Essay.

I submitted to Brown U.

I got even more free books from the library.

In general

I became healthier in diet and exercise.

I became more positive and began realizing my own self-worth.

I revised my standards and kept to my morals.

I learned more about myself and other people.

I stayed mature in the face of drama.

I worked twice as hard as I needed to in order to ensure I did my absolute best.

I began drinking coffee and then cut back substantially.

I met/became close with so many wonderful studyblrs, like:

@lemonadeandlanguages @piiess @armcnia @meg-is-studying @noodledesk @pinetreestudies @nerdyravioli @studyblr @studyblr @queen-zazzles-ofthe-studies @salvadorbonaparte @loving-appblr and so many more wonderful people

Goals for the new year - intentions and resolutions

Get back into my exercise regimen

Complete my CAS project

Eat better

Realize that little changes and positive choices make a difference

Be kind but not gullible or easy to take advantage of

Focus on myself and my future

Don’t sacrifice myself and my values to please others

Do my best in school and get into a good college

Rock my IB exams

Get back into daily journaling

Read more books

Drink at least 2 cups of water a day - aim is eventually 8 cups

Cut coffee almost completely out of my diet

Clean out my closet for goodwill

Get stuff I need for my dorm

Apply for even more scholarships

Live a little despite all my work needed to do

Spend time with my family - especially my little brother

Work twice as hard with Ascension and make sure it’s the best magazine possible

Improve enough in Italian to have conversations with a native speaker or read a book/watch a movie

Get a summer job

Save money where I could spend it

Get my teachers’ contact info once I graduate.

Thank you to everyone that has been with me on this wonderful journey. I hope 2018 will be even better. I have been waiting for it for a long time, since it’s my grad year, and I’m excited for a new chapter in my life.

[mahousenshi-skeletor]

 looking back middle school was so weird and funny? and all my problems were caused by my own emo-ness then later scene-ness mixed with being a big weeb and douche bag at the time plus 2008 was peak cringe culture here’s some examples: 

-there was an anime club but the club was completed decorated in pictures of Jacob Black, including a life sized cardboard cutout 

-we had a cosplay track meet and it was a mess

-one kid showed up as Sasuke Uchiha and then realized nobody even noticed he was in costume this lead to him dressing up as Sasuke everyday for the next 3 years

-we had to make an ad on the school announcements for the cosplay race but we were told our ad was and I quote “too bloody”

-we got banned from the school library not once not twice but trice. once for playing football  the second time because we checked out all the vampire and pirate books and didn’t return them then the third time because we all decided to check out the school computers and friend decided to print out porn and not pay the printing fee.

-there was these like kool aid like pouch drinks but they looked like blood pouches they tasted like iron vitamins

- on the first day of school and I told my friend about this anime and some boy overheard and asked me “would you date mushrambo” (the name of a character in the show) and eventually that turned into a school joke but his name went from mushrambo to mushration to mushrat

-there was a school rule that different grade students couldn’t eat with each other but somehow nobody noticed the 19 year old who always hung out with us at lunch

-we went to the mall SPECIFICALLY TO BUY “EMO CLOTHES”

- one kid ALWAYS wore a MCR jacket over a strait jacket he claimed he stole from a hospital

-silly bands 

-actually one girl, no two girls stopped being my friends because I hung out with the MCR kid and they all thought we were dating or something and the girls were really jealous because he was the scene dream

- literally every latina on campus was in love with Zero from Vampire Knight and so every conversation in spanish contained him somehow

-one girl was at an appropriate age to find phineas from Phineas and Ferb “sexy” and then decided she was ready for motherhood (I think she named her baby “luna” after the cat from sailor moon)

-one girl stopped being my friend because I didn’t add her on facebook

-i didn’t have a facebook yet

-I hung out with a group of girls we referred to as “the white devils” and they stopped being my friend because I didn’t go to the lady gaga concert with them

-there was a boy who was like 8 or 9 but he was going to 7th grade so we threw him a birthday party everyday in hopes of making him age faster

-one of these parties themes was “gregor mendel” the food was peas

-slap bracelets, and the cool kids bought metal ones and those cut your arms

-one girl wrote a “yaoi high school goth AU” of Spongebob for class and presented it

-apparently Sasuke kid’s parents were both ultra rich doctors or something

-these two girls parents married each other and when everyone found out they started getting referred to as “drake and josh” and I’m sure they were totally not sick of it

-my friend was going to move to mexico so he wanted to “do as many Japanese things as possible” 

-before every hang out this friend sent us videos on “how to properly eat ramen” and “how to drink sake” (we were 11) and he actually legitimately tried to follow these instructions

-speaking of stuck up girls one girl’s dad was an app designer and because Iphones only came out that year everyone was shook

-one girls dad was a drummer in band and she thought she was the shit

-we saw dirty dancing for class, twice.

-people didn’t buy music? Idk, whenever a kid wanted to play a song they just played the sample from the verizon store or whatever

-the kid who “properly ate ramen” lost all his teeth because some kid hit him with a mallet used on gongs

-one girl claimed she could pull anything from her jacket and then proceeded to prove it. 

-everyone who read manga during class would try to read porn as well, the teachers would sometimes catch them then show the whole class.

-some kids had yaoi poker cards, once a girl I knew pulled them out during a fire drill and her crush decided to play poker with us, he never spoke to us again. 

-actually her crush was the guy with the mallet

-we all wanted to be “mangakas” and write manga

-we all started smackjeeves with self inserts so many self inserts. I actually had 2 comics. 

-i remember one kid was really good at drawing bears and he basically used his drawings as currency 

-your family all shared a computer that was kept in the computer room and everyone would claim it was there turn conveniently whenever somebody else was using it and because we were emo weeaboos we all had to write our edgy over the top sexual Avatar the Last Airbender/the Wacky Adventures of Ronald Mcdonald crossover fanfictions in front of our families or on occasion while collabing with a friend in front of their families.

-if you said the word “table” everyone would pretend to vomit

-we were OBSESSED with Cotton Eye Joe, out of all songs, and would instinctually line dance to it. remember we were emo.

- we did an exercise in class and i don’t remember what it was but somebody was somehow crowned “emperor” so we actually called him that for the rest of middle school

-there was this school wide thing called “slap ass friday” and you would slap everyone’s ass on friday while trying to protect your own and I’m 100% sure that was sexual harassment but we didn’t know that at the time. When the teachers realized what was going on and told us to stop the student body thought that they were telling us to not to swear so all we did was change it from “slap ass friday” to “slap butt friday” and when they told everyone again the name was changed to “smack butt friday” and eventually it fell out of style

-if somebody was your friend you called them your “homie g” 

-google gave us presents during christmas because well, they basically were buying out the town at the time

-once somebody sent a nude of himself in a yugioh cosplay and he accidentally sent to all his contact and his mom made him go to church everyday until he was like 19

-crossover AMV omg.

-I think that’s when Fergie’s solo career started (i was the only scene kid into fergie music but whatever)

-also I think there was a housing crisis.

-the memes then were good.

-we all got into naruto specifically to make fun of a kid who liked naruto but then all ended up liking naruto more than him and actually befriending him (i actually ended up dating him and stealing $2000 of yugioh cards from him)

-somebody threatened to kill me in youtube comments and then gave me their real address, we became pen pals because apparently we were both blocked from the same deviantart group.

-one kid picked up the habit of biting people’s arms when he said hello to them.

- there was a teacher who kicked me out of class because I was supposedly according to her “a communist” 

-that teacher had a rivalry with the anime club teacher because she was team Edward.

that’s all I can remember and the most anybody will ever hear about my childhood and also I think some of this might be from high school or elementary school but I got bad memory.

[athena1138]

I know you’re supposed to let people ask you for numbers and THEN answer, but I’m pmsing really fucking hard and struggling to hold on to the one single brain cell I have that’s keeping me from breaking down and just screaming/trashing the place. SOOOOO here’s 100 questions nobody asked me to answer. 

1. A selfie?

Two or three months old, but I like it still. 

2. How old are you?

23 1/2.

3. What is your birthday?

Nov. 2 (Day of the Dead~)

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

Purple/Teal

6. What’s your lucky number?

5

7. Do you have any pets?

I, myself, have a cat, but my mom has three dogs and my estranged cat who couldn’t move into my apartment with me but whom my mom wouldn’t let me adopt once he COULD

8. Where are you from?

Corn. (Indiana.)

9. How tall are you?

5′7

10. What shoe size are you?

11 in women’s, 9 1/2 in men’s.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Um. I just moved and got rid of a bunch, so maybe 10 total

12. What was your last dream about?

Honestly, it was a sex dream about a friend’s sister. (Let’s not explore that, shall we?) 

13. What talents do you have?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL (I write fanfiction.)

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I have a shitton of deja vu that I think comes from dreams. It never does anything productive, but eh.

15. Favorite song?

Ah shit. To listen to, Rap God. To sing, La Vie en Rose. 

16. Favorite movie?

Taming of the Shrew, the Liz Taylor version.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone with a shitton of patience and an understanding of when to walk away from me before I break down. (Also, Fenris from DA2 or Cullen Rutherford.)

18. Do you want children?

FUCK THAT

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I wouldn’t mind having a wedding in a big, beautiful church like if it had a Window(tm) yknow, but there will be ZERO religion in my service. Even then, a wedding in a church is quite low on my list. My top three wedding preferences are:  countryside (but not the kind with cowboy boots and mud and a dirt-floor barn. I mean the bougie white bitch from the city doesn’t actually wanna get dirty kind of countryside,) seaside, and in the woods (like Twilight.)

20. Are you religious?

Nah. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

I got a seatbelt ticket once and a written warning for speeding (which I’m still pissed about. I was on my way to say goodbye to my grandpa before he died.)

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Jonathan Frakes (TWICE!,) LeVarr Burton, and John DeLancie. It was supposed to be Brent Spiner in place of the 2nd Jonathan Frakes one, but with the fires in California and his son getting sick, he had to cancel. I was heartbroken. I adore him.

24. Baths or showers?

Depends on the tub. 

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Who wears socks at home in July?

26. Have you ever been famous?

When I was 13, I won second place in a national creative writing contest and 3 gold medals for state. My little hometown did a front-page article about me. It was most definitely the peak of my life. That’s about how fucking far down the barrel I am now. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Money, yeah. Otherwise, nah. 

28. What type of music do you like?

All kinds but country. I have a special preference towards 50s ballads, lyrical rap, and 2000s summer hits like Cyclone and Right Thurr. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Ye

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

6, generally.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I have one of those pillows with the little arms on the side that I flip upside down and cuddle into like I’m sleeping on someone’s chest. I can sleep like that for hours.

32. How big is your house?

1200sqft.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Coffee

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes. I’m a v good shot.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes. I’m a v good shot. 

36. Favorite clean word?

Pusillanimous.

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck nugget.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

4 days.

39. Do you have any scars?

A shitton. My favorite is the pair on my forehead that form a little 01. I also have a lot of self-harm scars across my breasts that I like. 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

As a joke, yeah, but I’ve never gotten like... actual honest-to-god love letters. 

41. Are you a good liar?

I used to be. I don’t see the point anymore. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

No. I’m too eager to make friends. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

It’s not uncommon for me to accidentally do an accent from whatever show I was just watching, especially if I’m talking to myself. I can do a surprising variation on Spanish accents, but that’s also because of my Spanish linguistics class. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I have a weird accent. I say some things like I’m from Chicago (like, I say “hot dwawg”) but I say some things kind of southernish especially if I get mad, but some things I say Canadian and some British. 

45. What is your favorite accent?

Speaking English, Russian. Speaking their native language, Cuban.

46. What is your personality type?

INTP. Or, if you’re like me and don’t remember what that means, I’m a raging bitch who thinks she’s funny and tries too hard.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

My bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding. Fucking $460 after alterations. 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

No

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

150%

52. Favorite food?

Garlic

53. Favorite foreign food?

北京烤鸭. (Peking Duck.)

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy.

55. Most used phrased?

Cool beans///Suck a fuck. 

56. Most used word?

Fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends where I’m going. Work or school, 10 minutes. To something with my family or friends, like an hour. But that’s because I just move slower, not because anything changes. 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Yes. I’m conceited as shit. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck until they get riddled with holes. 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

60% of my verbal interactions are with myself, yes. (30% are with my pets, 10% with other people.) 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes. 

62. Are you a good singer?

I can match pitch. That doesn’t mean I should. 

63. Biggest Fear?

Ending up bogged down with kids I don’t want in a city I hate with a job I’ve been at for 10+ years. 

64. Are you a gossip?

Yes

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I really like the remake of Steel Magnolias with Queen Latifah, and Diary of a Mad Black Woman. 

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On me, long. On others, depends. 

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

If you give me a minute and a pen, maybe. 

68. Favorite school subject?

Band/English/Science. 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Intro. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No

71. What makes you nervous?

The future

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Only after watching a ghost movie. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Yes

74. Are you ticklish?

Do you bruise easily? 

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Yes

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yes

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes, but not much. I asked my boyfriend to give me a sip of his 4 Loko and fucker was like, “nooo it’s illegal.” 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

What makes the boyfriend thing funny is we had spent literally that entire summer high of our asses, but “noooo, it’s illegal for you to drink.” His method of thinking was, It’s illegal for everyone to smoke weed, so it’s fair that everybody breaks that law, but it’s only illegal for people under 21 to drink so it’s not fair.

79. Who was your first real crush?

As in, a real person? Ethan Richards, elementary. I crushed on him for 5 years. (Caleb Smith was a close second, and looking back I think maybe he liked me, too.) But I wrote Ethan a note in 5th grade telling him I liked him and he super broke my heart. 13 years later and I’m still bitching about it. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

Currently, 9. I’ve had 13 though. 

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

No. I make L sounds instead, like Puerto Ricans do. 

82. How fast can you type?

150+wpm. I beat out my typing teacher in 7th grade. She gave us a party to celebrate. 

83. How fast can you run?

If I’m drunk, really fucking fast. Sober, not very. (I got wasted at a party and sprinted all the way across my apartment complex to run back to my room and help my roommate get more booze. It was incredible. I almost got hit by a car.) 

84. What color is your hair?

Brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Potentially shellfish bc everyone else in my family is. 

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

88. What do your parents do?

My dad’s dead, mom works in the registration division in a hospital. Idk what exactly. 

89. Do you like your age?

No. I’m too old to not know what I want to do in life but too young to know what I want to do in life, and I’m in debt and broke and I have no job and no prospects and everyone keeps asking me and it makes me break down and cry and

90. What makes you angry?

Stupid people. This goddamn dog. Lots of things. 

91. Do you like your own name?

Now that the “Becky” thing has subsided a little, yeah. I used to hate all versions of the name Rebecca, but I’m pretty content with Becca. Becca Eileen suits me pretty well I think. 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Psh. Even though I don’t want kids, yeah, I’ve thought of some. Most of them are ridiculous now. Fred and George for twins, Zane for a boy, Nonni for a girl, etc. Nothing I would actually choose now. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I think assigning importance to the genitalia of my child is a fucking ridiculous and borderline disgusting thing to do. I would want a healthy child, if there were to be a child. 

94. What are your strengths?

Um. I can sleep for a really long time. 

95. What are your weaknesses?

Lol. Everything, my dude. Fucking everything. 

96. How did you get your name?

Eileen comes from my mom’s best friend in high school. Rebecca supposedly doesn’t come from anywhere, but my dad was married to a Rebecca before my mom and I think that’s just too fucking weird to forget. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I highly doubt it. 

98. Do you have any scars?

You already asked that. 

99. Color of your bedspread?

Black. It’s the Hogwarts school crest! 

100. Color of your room?

Beige. My mom wouldn’t let me pick a different color. When I get my own place that lets me color the walls, I want some nice, deep violets with an accent wall that has criss-crossed fuchsia and teal. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you plan on having children in the future? I. Don’t. Know.

How big is your house? It’s a two bedroom house. It’s not very big.

Do you believe that the world will actually end? One day.

Describe your handwriting: Ugh, I hate my handwriting. It’s ugly.

Can you speak any other languages than your first language? Only some Spanish. Not enough to be fluent.

If you could speak another, which would it be? I’d like to be fluent in Spanish.

What is one trend you think is stupid? Hmm. I don’t know. There’s been a few.

Do you ever watch any soap operas? No. They’re so bad.

Do you ever get goodnight or good morning texts from people? Nope.

What color are the pants you’re wearing? I’m wearing black leggings.

When did you last go to the doctor and what for? On Tuesday for my weekly appointment with one of my specialists for something I’m being treated for.

Are you socially awkward? Yes.

Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Comedy.

Who is your favorite actor/actress? Alexander Skarsgård.

If you could choose one holiday to live over and over, which would it be? I love Christmas, but it wouldn’t be as special if it were everyday.

Do you know where your family came from? Yes.

If you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? Maybe a fairy.

Where are both of your parents right at this moment? They’re both at work.

Have you ever seen a movie so ridiculous you couldn’t watch the rest? Yes.

Does it make you angry when people text short messages back? It doesn’t make me angry, but it’s annoying if we’re trying to keep the conversation going. Sometimes all it requires is a quick response, like if I’m asking you something. Although, if you’re just texting me back to say “okay” I don’t see the point. I’m just letting you know something, no response is really needed. I guess it’s to let me know you received the message, but whatever.

How old are your siblings? My older brother is 33 and my younger brother is 18.

What is your favorite animal and why? Dogs and giraffes.

Do you find yourself on Youtube a lot? Yes.

What was the last thing you scratched? I think my back.

How many people can you fully rely on without fault? One.

Are you satisfied with your gender? Yes.

Have you ever kept a successful diary before? Yeah. I wrote in a diary from 7th grade to 10th grade. Now these surveys are my diary entries, and I’m pretty consistent with it.

Which types of make up do you use? Eyeliner and mascara. Every once in awhile I’ll wear eye shadow.

What was the last thing you drank? Coke.

Are you good at admitting your problems? Yes.

Have you ever had a hangover? Yes, not fun.

What is something you’re looking for in the next three months? My vacation sooon.

What time do you normally go to sleep on week days? I go to bed between 2 and 4AM every night, regardless of the day. Weekdays and weekends don’t mean anything to me.

What color are the shoes you’re wearing? I’m not wearing shoes.

What’s something you normally cannot spell on your own? Onomatopoeia.

Looks or personality? Which is more important to you? Personality, definitely. Looks only go so far. If you don’t vibe or have a connection with someone on a deeper level, what kind of relationship is that?

Do you know any strippers? No.

How many times have you dyed your hair? Many, many times from the time I was in middle school to present time. It’s ongoing.

What is your biggest fear in life? Death of my loved ones, dying, failure, things never changing or getting worse...

Do you hate when movies are split into two parts? Not usually. I mean cliffhangers suck, but it gives me something to look forward to. Though sometimes it doesn’t seem like a movie needs to be split up.

What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Barbies.

Do you think you eat healthy? Ha, nope.

When was the last time you kissed someone? Four years ago.

Would you say you’re a good cook? Nope. I’m not a cook.

If so, what is your favorite thing to cook? --

When was the last time you took a shower? Yesterday.

Can you say your alphabet backward or not? Yeah. I mean it takes me a little longer, but I can do it.

If you have a Facebook, how long have you had it? Since 2007.

Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? Quite often.

If you had to choose, what color is your favorite? Yellow, teal, mint green, and pastels.

How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? I’m single.

Is there anything exciting happening tomorrow? No.

Are you an organized person? With some things.

Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? No.

Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Vanilla.

Do you tend to judge people before you get to know them? I think we all do on some level.

Do you fall asleep at school quite often? I never did. I always was in the front anyway, so it would have been difficult to do for one thing. And I thought it would be embarrassing if I ever did fall asleep in front of everyone.

When was the last time you had blood drawn? Last December, I think.

Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? It’s the absolute worst. They always have a hard time finding a vein, and I end up getting poked more than once. I get really sweaty and weak, and they’re always worried I’m going to pass out. It’s just an awful experience every single time.

What show do you miss coming on television? I’m sad Big Little Lies is over.

What color is your toothbrush? White and red.

Who would you say is your best friend at the moment? --

How long have you two been best friends? -- What would you say is one word to describe your personality? Awkward.

Do you have mood swings? Oh do I ever.

When was the last time you cried? The other day.

Are you an impatient person? Very.

Do you ever wish on 11:11 or do you think it’s a sham? I sometimes did it if I happen to catch it just for fun, but I didn’t really believe in it.

Are you the kind of person who has headaches a lot? I used to get tension headaches a lot, but I haven’t had that issue to that extent in years. I get them every now and then.

What color are your nails painted right now, if any? They’re not.

Do you like dressing up for Halloween and other festivities? I used to. I think I’m over it now, though.

Has your cell phone ever rung in class? No. I always made sure it was on silent for that very reason. I didn’t want to be that kid.

Do you sometimes think you aren’t as fortunate as others? Yes.

Do you think any of your friends are whores? No.

Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? No.

How much do you text on your phone, on average? Very little. When I do, it’s a quick exchange with one of my parents. Every now and then it’ll be with a friend or cousin, but those are short as well. I haven’t had a long, ongoing text conversation since Ty and I used to do that. He and I texted everyday once upon a time.

Do you think you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes.

Would you rather have a cat or a dog? A dog.

Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Yes, a few times.

Are you better at grammar or math? Grammar.

Are you a paranoid person? I can be.

Look out the nearest window. What do you see? The fence and a tree.

Has someone betrayed you lately? No.

What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Roses.

Is there anyone who constantly compliments you? No.

Are you good at expressing your feelings? Nooo. I’m better at it in surveys, but in person I’m horrible. I tend to just keep to myself. When I try to explain, it doesn’t come out right.

Is there anything you wish you could be doing right now? Yes.

What color are your bed sheets? White.

What are you asking for, for Christmas this year? I don’t know, we’re only in April.

When was the last time you went out to eat? Last month.

Do you normally fall asleep fast or slow? Slow.

Does the majority of your wardrobe consist of jeans or sweatpants? Jeans. I don’t have any sweats.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once.

Do you have a hint of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? No.

Who do you text the most? My parents.

What exactly was the last text you sent? I don’t feel like checking.

Do you ever feel like just laying down and giving up? Quite often.

Have you ever lied about your age? When I was younger and used to go on those AOL message boards and chat rooms. I was like 12 and I’d say I was 16 or 18 sometimes. lol.

Lied about your name? Yeah, for the same reason I gave above.

[theycallmebecca]

4: What was the first fic you wrote?, 7: Which character of yours do you most identify with (if any)?, 18: Have you ever written a personal experience into your fic?--pretty please :-)

4: What was the first fic you wrote?

I’ve always had stories in my head and I either acted them out with my barbie dolls, my legos or just played pretend. I would write stories and such for school, but spelling was something I struggled with a lot. So I didn’t really love to write things down. The first fic I really remember writing started as a story for my 7th grade english class and it was basically a Hanson fanfiction but I think i changed the last name. I don’t remember exactly. It kind of took off after that and I consider that the point where my love for English and writing in general took off.

7: Which character of yours do you most identify with (if any)?

Definitely Ellie! She’s the one that is closest to who I actually am (with some notable differences) so yeah…

18: Have you ever written a personal experience into your fic?

Yes and no. I try to “write what I know” because sometimes you can tell when a writer hasn’t done enough research on something or is just making stuff up… but there is a lot of stuff that I have no personal experience in (all the sex and relationship stuff) that I have learned about through reading, videos, gifs and the internet in general.

Some yes examples are dealing with family stuff because I come from a large Irish Catholic family and we’re loud and crazy. There are so many different personalities that I think are vital to who a character is. I’m just realizing now that of my three original female characters (Ellie, Wren from Perfectly Imperfect and Nikki from Adventures in Parenting) Wren is the only one that doesn’t come from a large family.

Another yes is Chris visiting a therapist in Perfectly Imperfect. This last year has been a really rough one for me. I lost the grandparents I was closest to within six months of each other. Grandma was expected (she had Alzheimer’s and was pretty sick for the last three months she was alive), but Grandpa’s death came out of nowhere really. He was fine and then he was in the hospital and he never recovered. I had already been struggling with depression and increased anxiety before my grandma passed, but it kind of made it all worse and I started going to therapy every three weeks in August and it’s been a great help in dealing with everything. I actually had an appointment the day after my grandpa passed away and it was the first time I was able to just cry without feeling like I needed to be strong for everyone else. So my positive experience with therapy definitely influenced Chris’s experience.

I’m sure there is more but I’ve already written a novel-length answer to this question so I think I’ll end it here. haha

Thanks for the questions Ashley!

FanFiction Questions

[nanalikessurveys]

Do you have any allergies? Penicillin

Do you have any hormone problems? I don’t

Do you take any medications daily? Yep

Do you take vitamins? I try to take multivitamins daily but i usually forget them lol

What languages do you speak? Finnish. and i can also speak english and swedish

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t

What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

Uhh, i have no idea?

Have you ever thought you were going to die? Not really. i’ve never been in a near death situation

Have you ever had an allergic reaction scare? No

What bones have you broken? I haven’t broken any of my bones

Do you wish you had the power to switch off and on your emotions? No, why would i want to be emotionless?

What are some news stories that have stuck with you? There are some

Have you ever been in extreme pain that you would rate a 10? If so, what was it from? No, not that high

Have you ever given birth? No What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? Something like 38.8, nothing too high

Have you ever gone to the emergency room? No

Have you ever coughed so hard you threw up? No 

Have you ever had cramps so bad you threw up? No

Have you ever made anything out of duck tape? No, what can you make out of duct tape? lol

Do you like palazzo pants? Noo, i think they wouldn’t fit my body type

Would you travel to Paris if given the chance? I would, i’ve been there once already tho. but i would go back

What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? Hmm, bullying

How old were you when you first encountered God, if applicable? I don’t know what you mean by encountering god but i learned about god first time in school i think? i wasn’t raised religiously or anything

How old were you the first time you felt loved? I’ve felt like that for as long as i can remember

Were you abused? No

Who was your favorite teacher? I liked my english teacher in 7th, 8th and 9th grade

Did you ever want to be a teacher? Noo

Do you look good in brown? I guess

Do you prefer crosswords, word searches, or sudoko puzzles? I feel like a 75 old man saying this but i love sudokus haha. haven’t done them in a while tho. i don’t really like crosswords or word searches

Are adult coloring books tedious? Nah, i’m just not interested in them

What do you do to relax? I watch YouTube, watch movies, listen to music, do yoga, go for walks Do you live alone? Yes. with my cats

Did you ever think your house was haunted? No, i don’t believe in that anyway

Do you believe in auras? No

Have you ever seen a spirit? No

Do you have any food intolerances? I think i’m lactose intolerant. i’m not sure tho lol. like i don’t get stomach ache everytime i’jm eating/drinking something with lactose in them

Do you like camping? I've never been camping. and i’m not interested in it

What’s your favorite place to go on vacation? Somewhere far haha

Do you enjoy rainy days? Yeees, love them

Do you own anything chevron print? I don’t

Ever thought about starting a business? No

If you were to start a business, which kind would you start? I wouldn’t

Do you like unisex names? There’s some i like

What are some of your favorite unisex names? Is Blake an unisex name? i like that one

What are some of your favorite current fashion trends? I know nothing about fashion

Do you like skinny jeans? leggings? jeggings? If i wear jeans, they are skinny jeans. i never wear jeggings. and i love leggings

Do you collect anything? Notebooks/journals

What exotic pet would you own if you were rich? I wouldn’t want an exotic pet

Did you want to change your name when you were younger? No

Do you like your first name? Yeah it’s ok

Are you named after anyone? No

What does your name mean? It means different things in many different languages according to google

When you’re sick, do you look up your symptoms on the Internet? Haahha yes. but i don’t like to diagnose myself based on the results on google

Are you a member of any online support groups? No

Were you ever on a dance team? No

Would you rather have been born in a different era? Nope

Do you like being a millennial? Am i a millennial? idk

What year were you born? 1998

What are your initials? NEH

Would you ever preach a sermon? No

Do you pray regularly? I don’t

Do you have any good luck charms? Nope

Do you make wishes on anything? If so, what? I don’t

What do you do when you can’t sleep? Usually i just lay in my bed and try to get some sleep. it’s annoying because it can last for hours. i don’t really do anything else because i’m afraid if i start to do anything else like scroll through my phone i’ll just loose the tiredness haha

Do you enjoy sunrises? Yeah

Are you more of a morning person or a night owl? I can be both but usually i’m more of a morning person

Is your life boring? Yes

Is your life hard or easy? Uhhh i don’t know

What can you do to make your life more adventurous? Actually do shit. instead of watching youtube and movies all day lol

Have you ever had food poisoning? No

Have you ever had sun poisoning? Nope

What do you do when you’re bored? The things i do to relax which i have listed above  Are you ashamed of anything? Yes

Do you like going to the dentist? No

Do you wear glasses? No

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? Not really, she looks more like our mom and i look more like our dad

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? My dad

How tall are you? 163cm

Would you ever want to live in a castle? No, i don’t know what to do with all the space, besides castles are creepy

Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No

Do you like snow? I love it when it’s winter and it’s snowing. not in april like now

Do rainbows excite you? Haha no they don’t excite me

What part of nature fascinates you the most? I don’t know

Were you born in your favorite season? No, i was born in fall

Do you ever shop at Goodwill? No

Do you ever shop at the dollar store? No

What does your favorite coffee mug look like? I don’t think i have a favorite

Do you go to Starbucks regularly? I would want to but we don’t have it here. and the closest one is in Helsinki which is more than 2 hours drive away

What wakes you up? My alarm Clock. or just me waking up

Do you like sushi?

I love it. i just made sushi yesterday

What’s your favorite brand of flavored water? Uhh flavored water?

Do you drink iced tea? Yes, my favorite drink

Do you have neat handwriting? I actually like my handwriting. it’s like mixture of print and cursive. and it’s neat

Who’s the last person you wrote a letter to? My penpal ages ago? lol

Do you have long hair? It’s to my armpits

What’s the highest amount of kids you’ve babysat at one time? I’ve never babysat

Did you enjoy your first job? I’ve never had a job. i was offered one just before this whole shitshow started. so yeah

Have you ever had a job you hated?

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Are you an introvert or an extravert? Introvert

Are you behind on chores? YES

Are you struggling? Not right now

Do you need someone? No one right now

Do you own a shirt with an elephant on it? No, but i have men’s satin boxers with pink elephants on them lol. i found them in a thrift  store long time ago

Does gray look good on you? I don’t know, i still wear it

[everlonghope]

The simplicity of the phrase “I am Iranian-American” completely contradicts the complexity behind it.

I grew up in the Bay Area and am still a resident of this pretty diverse hub on the west coast. From what I have put together from stories my mom told me about my childhood, I have come up with my own story, my own identity.

I spoke Farsi (the language Iranians/Persians speak, different from Arabic but still similar) as my first language. When I went to pre-school, I was younger than the other kids in my class and couldn’t speak much English, so I relied on other little kids to help me through the day. At the same time, these kids also took me under their own little wings. I learned English quickly and soon became bilingual. I spoke Farsi at home with my mom and grandma, and then I spoke English at school.

Up until kindergarten, I traveled to Iran every year because it was easy to take a month off pre-school education. We traveled as a family during the springtime because it was the best month to go to Iran – the flowers were blooming and the air was fresh.

As I entered elementary school, my English skills outweighed my Farsi skills, and I soon could only understand Farsi when spoken to. At the same time, I would slowly desire to assimilate into the “normal” white food culture. I loved the Iranian food my mom packed for me for lunch, but eating it while all the other kids were eating pasta, casserole, and soup stirred unwanted gazes and glares. I didn’t want the other kids to think that my food smelled, and even though I was proud of it and stood up for it to other kids because it tasted so damn good, I brought my own culture’s food less and less in order to fit in.

Around third grade, a few things happened in my 9-year-old life. I started taking Farsi lessens at our public library, learning how to read and write with a couple other kids. It was difficult to go to this class once a week but I did it for around a year and a half. Keeping up with my Farsi homework always annoyed me, and I resented having to learn this language even though my mom always said that I would regret it if I didn’t learn it now… something that I find 100% true now.

The other thing that happened was High School Musical. As a child, I grew up on Disney cartoons and princess movies. My favorite princess was probably Ariel, but I always loved the film Aladdin because it was practically about me (even though the actuality was it was probably set in modern day Iraq). It was about people who looked like me. Jasmine was the princess I knew I could be because she looked like me. When High School Musical came out, I had a live-action Disney character that shared similar features to my own: Gabriella. Dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin. I felt saved. On the same note, in third grade I also felt really isolated by multiple people in my extremely tiny class, and a lot of the girls who were mean to me shared similar features to the “whiter” Disney characters like Cinderella, Aurora, and…Sharpay Evans from HSM. My love for characters like Gabriella and Jasmine matched my resentment for Cinderellas and Sharpays. The ease I have admitting this right now is because I’m 18 and realize I was being a bit extreme for a little kid, but I think my love and hate was very valid and very much associated with my racial and ethnic identity – as a minority.

Entering fifth grade and later middle school, I became obsessed with reading and writing admittedly shitty stories that took inspiration from my growing imagination. Characters like Hermione Granger and Bella Swan shared a feature I had: darker hair. That was a check in my book. I could relate to them. In the stories I created, the main female character almost always looked like me. I wanted to be represented and I made sure I was.

At the same time, basically after I quit Farsi class, my resentment for Iran grew. We only traveled twice more before my mom got sick, and both times I didn’t want to go. There was no internet access and basically nothing for me to do there. The flight was long and I just didn’t enjoy going. The last time I went before my mom got sick was the summer in between 6th and 7th grade, and I was going through my own middle school phase of moodiness and questionable behavior. I didn’t care about my identity as an Iranian-American; it wasn’t as important as other things.

In my late middle school era, I was friends with a girl who was half Iranian, and we became best friends. Besides how well our personalities meshed together, it was so nice to have someone to talk to because she understood some Iranian family quirks that I experienced. I felt like my identity was validated because there was someone my age like me.

As I entered high school, my Iranian-American identity was simultaneously something always on the back of my mind and something I clung to because it made me different from my peers. I did my “country” project in 9th grade history class on Iran, for example. I started becoming more comfortable bringing Iranian food to school (usually from restaurants because my mom was to sick to cook or already passed away) in 10th-11th grade. I also think gaining a very great group of friends in high school allowed me to open up and be myself, and being myself included the Iranian-American me.

Throughout almost all the years of my life, I went to a Chaharshanbe Soori celebration in Berkeley right before Persian New Year. It was probably the only part of the holiday I liked besides the food because it was when people jumped over little fires and “left behind” the bad parts of life in the old year, welcoming and celebrating the new year to come. This holiday was always super cool to my friends, no matter what age, and it instilled some pride in me, that my identity was cool.

We missed Chaharshanbe Soori the year after my mom’s death (11th grade) because of too much schoolwork, and I honestly don’t remember if we went in 10th grade. Those years were mostly a blur, but Chaharshanbe Soori was definitely a memory and celebration that always made me feel close to my culture. In a way, when my mom died I lost the connection I had to my Iranian identity. She was a constant speaker of Farsi in the house and always pushed me to connect with my ethnic identity. In elementary school, she sometimes gave presentations to my classes during Persian New Year, like the Chinese moms did during Chinese New Year. She always encouraged me to share who I was and where I came from.

When I lost my mom, I lost a lot of who I was. Since 11th grade, I have gone to Iran twice – once before senior year, and this past winter break. The first trip without her ended abruptly, and I felt like my time in Iran wasn’t done. It was cut short. The second trip, the one I recently came back from, didn’t feel this way. It felt complete and whole, and I am really excited to go back – whenever that will be.

Iran is a really triggering experience for me because everywhere reminds me of my mom. Simple taxi drives are weird without her in the backseat.

This one coffee shop in Frankfurt airport will always remind me of my mom because I have pictures of her in it from the last trip she went on.

I have so many pictures of her from Iran.

Something I’m grateful for is staying in a different place when we visit now, because staying in the same place that I was in with my mom would be so triggering and so so overwhelming. The trip is already overwhelming, but it reminds me of who she was, and who I am.

We would go to the bazaar and look at jewelry together, complain about the heat, eat lots of cream puffs and drink tea. I miss her so much and Iran reminds me of her because that’s who she was. She was a beautiful, intelligent Iranian woman who makes me proud to be Iranian, to carry her as a part of my identity.

Similarly, the past trip we had reminded me that Iran is home, because Iran is family. Simply sitting at the dinner table in my great aunt’s house reminded me how many loving people I am surrounded by and have on my side. Cousins and second cousins and aunts and great aunts. My grandma on my dad’s side made many trips to America before and after my mom’s passing, so she was more or less a part of our America-located family. Actually visiting Iran is different because I’m literally placed in a city that contains so many family members. It’s overwhelming.

My family threw me a little birthday party this past trip  because I would be in college during my actual birthday. It was super small, and I actually almost napped before they surprised me with the birthday cake. When I walked out into the living room I had to tell myself not to cry. It is such a crazy, emotional experience to lack family most of your life and then be emerged in it all at once. Holidays don’t really mean much to me because they are just normal meals and days with my immediate family (Armita and my dad). I don’t go to my grandma’s house for Thanksgiving or visit my aunt’s for Christmas because the majority of my family lives in a different country. Visiting Iran reminds me of how much I miss out on while living in America, but it also allows me to be super grateful and happy to be spending time with family while I’m there because it is not something I can take advantage of often.

From the end of senior year until now, a second-semester freshmen at UC Berkeley, I have become more comfortable with the pride I have in being Iranian-American. I shared Chaharshanbe Soori with some of my closest friends at the end of senior year, and it made me feel so validated and alive as an Iranian-American teen. I have friends who love me for who I am. I wrote an article for the Iranian literary magazine on campus, Perspective (pg. 12). I plan on taking Farsi in my sophomore year to brush up on the language that has always been a part of my life one way or another. In general, I want to take advantage of the resources my education allows me to have by taking as many Iran-centric classes as possible. I want to learn about who I am and I’m so happy I have the opportunity to do so.

Lastly, I plan on immortalizing who I am on my skin sometime in the next couple months. I want to get نور چشم من  (pronounced “Nur-e cheshm-e man”) tattooed on my arm, which means “the light of my eye” in Farsi. Under it, I want to put my mom’s “dates” – 8.18.61-5.26.14. I have memories of my mom calling me this phrase as a kid, and I think it is the perfect homage to her.

A simultaneous reminder of who I am and who I will always have with me.

Hyphenated Identity The simplicity of the phrase "I am Iranian-American" completely contradicts the complexity behind it.