#Larry is not paid enough for this
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Welp, I accepted my fate and let the lil gays take over my brain cuz they're stronger than me
I guess that these fellas are part of my life now too (new brainrot yippeeeeee)
#name's nokkomo btw#hope u guys dont mind me being here 👉👈#natm#night at the museum#jedtavius#Larry is not paid enough for this
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Incorrect Quotes #122
Jedediah : Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Octavius is? Because Octavius is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass
#everyone else is just nodding awkwardly#just nod and smile boys just nod and smile#larry doesnt get paid enough for this shit#incorrect quotes#natm#night at the museum#octavius#gaius octavius#jedediah#jedediah smith#jedediah x octavius#jedtavius#(no one was talking about how hot octavius is)#(jed just heard his bf's name and was like 'this is my time to shine')
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Larry Simpson used to work in the sewing room of a disability enterprise. From 9am to 2pm, three days a week, he would count and sort bags of laundry from local hotels and hospitals. The work made him “very tired and drained”, the 36-year-old says. Under the current national minimum wage of $23.23 an hour, Simpson could expect to earn $348.45 for his three days of labour. But he was paid $4.20 an hour – a total of $63 a week – a rate that’s only legal for one reason: because he has an intellectual disability. “The pay was crap,” says Simpson. “I wasn’t getting enough money to live on.” Simpson was employed under the supported wage system – a carve-out in national employment law that allows companies to assess the productivity of a person with disability and then pay them as little as $2.90 an hour.
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Boundaries
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader
Word count: ~2.6k
Summary: Y/n stands up for her wife, and gets in trouble for it
A/N: We'd all do this, right?
Warnings: angst, slurs, violence, fluff
You hadn’t meant for everything to get so out of hand. Honestly, you usually did a much better job of controlling your anger, but it had been a rough week for you, and this asshole had really hit a nerve.
You’d been stuck at the compound all week because the clinic was closed for repairs. The power had gone out suddenly during a surgery last week, and this exposed all kinds of electrical issues that needed to be fixed. Given that this process involved having an entire team of people present and the power to be turned off while they worked, you were getting a paid vacation. This usually wasn’t something to sniff at, but the fact that your wife was so busy this week and barely had anytime to see you made it seem like more of a curse than a gift.
You’d spent a lot of time in your rooms because you didn’t really feel like navigating the crowds of people downstairs. They all worked for your wife, some in a roundabout way, but that meant that they were involved in some sort of crime that you didn’t want to think about. You didn’t believe that they cared enough about your presence, or hell even knew who you were, so you’d allowed yourself a daily trip downstairs to frequent your favorite restaurant at lunch.
It's not until you make a rather impulsive decision that you realize maybe it would be better if people knew who you were.
Downstairs it's hectic as always during lunchtime, even when you go near the tail end, so you’re waiting patiently for your friend Larry to have time to help you. You’re probably fourth in line, if the group that’s loud and obnoxious is all together, and you try to block them out by scrolling mindlessly on your phone.
“So what assignment did we get stuck with this time?”
“Damn, Hawk, didn’t you pay any attention during the briefing?”
A long silence is the only answer his friend, and you unfortunately, need to know that he most certainly did not. You don’t really care to hear what they’re about to say given how extensive your wife’s reach is in this city. They could be talking about something as mundane as patrol or as horrifying as murder.
You wish you’d brought your headphones, but they’re still charging and nothing quite kills the mood like having ‘battery low’ chirp during your favorite songs.
You watch with an impatient scowl as the brunette in front of you finally just shrugs before offering his friend a smile that makes your skin crawl.
“Barely, I was still thinking about my run-in with the boss.”
This makes you frown but you only get a moment to consider who he’s talking about before another member of their group, a blonde with a bad haircut speaks up with a disbelieving scoff.
“Oh, come on, you didn’t run into her. You just stared at her like a creep when she walked by.”
“Yeah dude, come on, when are you going to let that go?”
You’ve abandoned even the pretense of scrolling through your feed when your suspicions are confirmed a few seconds later. You really wish this creep would just order his food and get out of your sight, but that was obviously unreasonable of you.
“It’s hard, man. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t find Maximoff smokin’ hot.”
You’d gag if it wouldn’t draw their attention, but seriously. Ick. You tell yourself that he’s just some hormonal dude who doesn’t have a chance in hell with Wanda. Believing this is made easier by you going to your texts and opening the last conversation you had with your wife which was annoyingly two days ago.
You’re smiling as you read her response to your latest request for a dog, and you follow dutifully, almost absentmindedly as the line begins to move.
“Well, no shit, but she’s married, and a lesbian right?”
You have to bite your tongue to stop yourself from laughing or flat out saying ‘no shit’ in response. You really should have brought your headphones.
Wanda was dangerously close to running as she left her last meeting to head back to her rooms. She was hoping that the fifteen-minute break she had would be enough to check on you because honestly, she was so sick of not seeing you until she finally managed to call it a night well past your usual bedtime. Usually it wouldn’t be so bad, just annoying, but you weren’t working this week because of a problem at the clinic, and she wanted to spend time with you. Of course, her busiest week of the year just so happened to fall during your impromptu vacation, so it had honestly been days since she’d talked to you before the late hours of the night.
She was trying to fix this now, but as she wandered into their private rooms, she realizes you aren’t here. The television is off and the bed’s made, but there’s no note saying where you went. She’s not sure why she expected one since she doubted you would think she’d have time to stop by. Wanda sighs and checks her watch before she decides to try and push it and check downstairs for you. She’s well aware of your near obsession with one of the restaurants on the first floor, so she figures if you’re anywhere, it’s there.
You were hoping that this brunette, Hawk you think it was, would have a reasonable response to being told that his crush or whatever is married. For once, your normal underestimation of most men, wasn’t unfair.
You’re forcing yourself to look at dog pictures when you hear an exaggerated sigh that can’t mean anything good.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure I could bring her around…”
You’re mid-eyeroll when he says something that makes your blood boil.
“One way or another.”
“You’re fucking disgusting.”
You are made aware of the fact that you hadn’t said this in your head when the four men turn to stare you down. You resist the urge to flinch and instead you glare at the brunette who’s crossed too many lines for you to forgive at this point.
You all miss when it’s their turn to order because you’re all too busy glaring at each other. Hawk turns to face you fully and sneers before he takes a step toward you.
“What did you just say to me?”
You can feel your frustration growing and it’s certainly surpassed any sense of self-preservation you have at this point. You close the distance so you’re practically standing toe to toe before you repeat what you said, but a little bit louder in case he truly hadn’t heard you. Which you sincerely doubt.
“I said, you’re fucking disgusting.”
You ignore all of his friends muttering under their breath and keep your focus on the now glaring brunette. You wonder how stupid you’re being going against someone like him who you’re unlikely to talk sense into. Not to mention its potentially four to one. Maybe two if Larry steps in which you hope he doesn’t.
“How about you mind your own fucking business?”
You smile and it surprisingly doesn’t fade when he shoves you hard enough to make you take a step back. You don’t notice Larry’s caught on to what’s happening, and you laugh in Hawk’s face before stepping forward like he hadn’t even pushed you.
“Believe it or not, dumbass. This is my business.”
You see confusion briefly before it turns into an annoying smugness that makes you want to punch him. You honestly should have left this alone, but you’re in it now, so you either have to back off and run away with your metaphorical tail tucked between your legs or…
“What? Are you telling me you’re a dyke too?”
Your smile fades at the slur which unfortunately makes him smile, but you recover quickly before shooting him a saccharine smile.
“For sure, and as a dyke I can tell you that she would never go for a disgusting piece of shit like you.”
You’re ready for him this time, so when he reaches out to grab you, you sidestep him before punching him in the face. You wince slightly because damn that hurt, but you immediately curse yourself for turning your back on his friends.
Two sets of hands grab you and you faintly hear someone shouting in protest as you face Hawk and his already reddening face. You don’t have time to feel smug about it as you try and fail to shake off the duo behind you.
“You’re going to regret that you little bitch.”
He grabs you from his friends and raises his fist to punch you, and you’re about to kick him in the balls when you hear a familiar voice.
Wanda had made good time and when she arrives downstairs to see the crowds of people she realizes that she won’t have much time to catch up with you at all. She walks towards the food court and the restaurant that you’d eat at for every meal if you could. She stops in her tracks when she notices what looks like an argument playing out between some people waiting in line.
She sees the man behind the counter, someone you’d befriended quickly, scowling and shouting at a group of men who are surrounding…
“Hey! Let her go!”
Wanda hurries to close the distance between them and she watches as all of the men except the one with his back to her flinch and immediately step away from you. The brunette who’s still holding onto you and only seconds away from hitting you, turns to practically snarl at her.
“She fucking started it, the--!”
He trails off as he finally notices who’d interrupted them, and he drops you immediately as his eyes widen in horror. Wanda just glares at him as she looks between you and the group of men you’d somehow gotten into an argument with. She considers just letting it go and getting you out of there, but her curiosity gets the best of her.
“Oh, and what exactly did she start?”
You wait with bated breath to see what Hawk says about what happened. You truly don’t believe he’s dumb enough to admit that he’d been saying such disgusting things about his boss, to her face. That said, fear makes you do dumb things apparently.
“She was butting into our conversation about you—”
He trails off as his eyes widen even further and his friends hiss under their breaths as they continue to take small steps back. One of them even turns around and tries to order something, but Larry just shoots him an incredulous look.
Wanda frowns in confusion and she tilts her head as she regards the sweaty brunette in front of her.
“Me? Why on Earth were you talking about me?”
You can’t help yourself and you grumble something that’s only meant for your wife, but of course they all hear it.
“Drooling over you, more like it.”
You watch in awe as Wanda seems to realize what she’d walked into and makes a decision on how to deal with it in a split second. She glowers at Hawk who’s the only one of his group that’s within reach, not that she even needs to grab him to keep him still. He’s petrified and as still as a statue as Wanda takes a step toward him.
“What’s your name?”
Wanda could look for his ID badge, but that’s not nearly as satisfying as having him say it. She only has to wait for a split second before the brunette is mumbling his name just loud enough for you and Wanda to hear. You see your wife consider dragging this out, but like you, she just wants to get out of here.
“Alright, Hawkins, here’s the deal. I’ll be keeping an eye on you. If you step out of line again, you’re gone, understood?”
The brunette’s fear is dimmed a bit by his anger and confusion at being chastised for participating in an argument that he didn’t even start. He doesn’t get why you’re not getting into trouble, but Wanda’s happy to fill him in and render him speechless in the process.
“Also, I’ll be reporting this incident to your superior. She’ll decide your punishment for manhandling my wife.”
Wanda doesn’t wait for a response, she doesn’t need one, before she reaches out for your hand.
“Come on, detka.”
You grab her hand and don’t look back as you leave the stunned group in the dust. The only one who’s not surprised is Larry, but he’s already sending the men away without food. That at least makes you feel better about not getting any either.
“Not exactly how I wanted to see you in the daylight for the first time in days.”
Wanda is still practically dragging you toward the elevators, so you can’t tell if she’s upset with you. You don’t have to wonder too long though as she offers you a rueful smile before she presses the button and leans against the wall with a sigh.
“Definitely not, but I’m glad I showed up when I did.”
It’s your turn to smile and your face heats up in embarrassment as you follow Wanda into the elevator.
“Yeah, thanks. That got a little out of hand.”
Wanda just hums in acknowledgment as she scans her badge and presses the button for your private floor. She figures she can be a little late to her next meeting given the circumstances. She waits until the doors are shut before turning to you with a frown.
“What did he say, Y/n?”
You frown too and just shake your head before deciding that its not even worth repeating. You tell your wife that he’d just said something gross about convincing her to sleep with him. Wanda’s still frowning when you arrive to your floor without food, but she’s quick to follow you out and into your rooms.
“I’m surprised you said anything.”
You can’t blame her for saying this because honestly you’re still surprised too. It wasn’t even something new and different that Hawkins had been saying. You’d heard it before, but for some reason today you just couldn’t put up with it. Maybe you were just fed up with male arrogance and his claims about turning your wife’s head made you want to punch him.
You eventually just sigh before you collapse onto the couch and shake your head in defeat.
“Me too, Wands, but come on. He called you smokin’, how cringe is that?”
Wanda surprises you by laughing and it actually makes you smile before you remember you’re supposed to be pouting. You wait until Wanda sits down beside you and reaches out for you wordlessly. You don’t hesitate to move closer to her and let her wrap her arms around you. You sigh in relief, happy to be in your wife’s presence, even if the circumstances that led you here weren’t pleasant.
“What? You don’t think I’m smoking hot?”
You laugh out loud at this and turn so you can face your wife before leaning in to kiss her. You pull away too soon for either of your liking, but you know she likely has things to do, and you don’t want to get too distracted.
“You’re gorgeous, but that’s only one of the many things I love about you. He was just focused on your looks which despite being what they are is…ugh.”
Wanda smiles at you and she kisses your forehead before quickly glancing at the clock in the kitchen. She needs to go, and she hates herself for it.
“I love you too, detka. I love you for coming to my defense, but maybe next time make sure your odds are a bit better?”
You roll your eyes but still smile as you lay your head against your wife’s shoulder. You don’t care if you only get a few minutes. You’re going to enjoy the time you have with her for as long as possible.
“Will do, Wands.”
Masterlist
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x female reader#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wanda x reader#silver springs drabble#silver springs#mob au#whoops I thought it was Friday...oh well. here ya go#🤦🏻♀️
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VOODOO KISSES (I miss you)
Pairings: Eddie Munson x fem! Summary: It's been a month since you graduated and you haven't seen Eddie since, you thought he must have left, until you bump into Wayne, and he tells you otherwise Warnings: a few swears but nothing i don't think?
sorry for the late update, i had bad writers block and had absolutely no idea where this series was going, figured it out hehe, thank you for your patience.
hope you like it!
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A job was a nice way to start your life, free from school, you could save money to find somewhere to live on your own, maybe get out of this shitty town.
Just like Eddie did, gone to find success and be a big rockstar, you figured it wouldn't be long until you heard his name on the radio as you drove to the diner.
You often thought about him, nothing much, just what he was doing during that time or if he was thinking about you too.
If he was having fun, you hope he was, it would make you feel less guilty for pushing him away.
He'd be having more fun wherever he is than he'd ever have with you.
But you just wondered sometimes, if he was serious about you, if he really wanted you to be his girl.
Sometimes you wish you didn't send him away, you curse yourself for always speaking before you think, it was a disease, you swore, but you always say it's your gut speaking for you, your heart talking.
Thats why you always back yourself up, if you hadn't had so much pride, you would have apologised, told him the five words he wanted to hear you say.
You'd say 'I want you to stay'
But alas, you'd cut your own tongue off so you couldn't if it didn't hurt so bad.
Maybe you'd meet him somewhere if you save enough to leave, you'd go to LA just to find him and apologise, maybe kiss him if he managed to still be single.
Which is why you go to your minimum wage job with a smile, your apron tight around your waist as you enter through the back, greeting Larry, the chef.
It wasn't so bad, you probably got more tips than you actually got paid, thanks to the middle-aged creepy men who liked to stare at your tits through the thin pastel yellow button up.
And not to forget the nice old lady who comes in every Wednesday and tips you a 40 every time, she was sweet. But you'd probably cry if she mentioned her grandson your age one more time.
It was a kind gesture, really, trying to set you up, but you just weren't interested.
You don't know when you would be, maybe never.
But ever since Eddie walked away from you, you realised you shouldn't have denied it for so long.
You liked him, a lot.
But it's too late. The damage was done.
You put the kettle on and went to the front, swapping shifts with your co-worker as they leave saying a quick hello-goodbye as you cleaned up a few tables.
It was right after the lunch rush, so it was pretty dead.
You loved when it was like this, you'd sit at the counter, or lean over the pass and talk to Larry, he was a grumpy guy, but he always had a sweet spot for the servers, a sweet man overall, but God help you if he's angry.
You've never seen it, but you'd heard the stories from your co-workers from before you were hired, and you prayed it would never happen to you.
You served a few customers before you saw a familiar face that made you gape in surprise.
He sat down at the stool by your left, not opting for a booth as he looked up at the menu above your head.
You gave him a few minutes before grabbing your paper and pencil, awkwardly making your way over to him as he looked down at the newspaper, glasses low on his nose as he read.
You put your customer service voice on, not knowing if he'd even remember you.
"afternoon, sir, how may I help you?" You asked sweetly, watching as he looked up, a frown on his face as he pinpoints where he knows you from
He thought for a second before putting his search on a pause to order "just a coffee and cheeseburger- no pickles, thank you"
You smile and ring in the cheeseburger as you get the coffee pot and a mug.
He watched you as you poured the coffee, looking at the name tag before letting out a noise of acknowledgment "you're Ed's friend, aren't ya'?"
It was your turn to frown now
"I'm sorry?" You apologised for your composure that made the man feel as though he said something wrong
"Eddie's friend? You came over for his birthday, no?"
You nodded slowly, but your questions were then answered with his next response
"Why haven't I seen you in a while? I told him I'd leave you kids alone, kissing ain't that bad.."
You felt your cheeks go hot as you remembered the scene. How could you ever forget that night? You'd never get rid of the regret that followed it every time you thought about it. You should have told him you liked him too.. maybe then this conversation with his uncle wouldn't be so awkward.
"Oh, right..um.." you started, sighing deeply as you tried to come up with a reason that wouldn't make you sound like a total and utter bitch.
You found no such excuse.
"You should come over for dinner" the man nodded his head, already confirming the dates in his mind.
You shook yours, taking the coffee pot back to its spot as he racked his brain.
He should be free on Wednesday, wait no, Bill had him cover his shift, no Wednesday
"You want to have dinner with just me?" You questioned, a hand placed on your hip as you leaned your hip on the counter, an eyebrow raised as you wondered why on earth Uncle Wayne would want to have dinner with you.
He was a kind man, rough around the edges, but not one-on-one dinner type of guy
He tilted his head, him now being the confused one
"I ain't saying it's just us, neither of us want that, trust'me" He spoke heavily, but which a light chuckle, taking the coffee mug into his hands and taking a sip.
It wasn't that hot, cooled down from sitting there for a while, but he seemed satisfied, or just didn't want to point out the fact it was probably the worst cup of coffee he's ever had.
But if it was- he was good at not showing it.
But that was besides the point.
His words stuck with you.
"Oh...is Eddie back?" You asked.
He didn't get time to respond before the food bell rang, to which you turned around and grabbed the plate.
It wasn't the worst looking burger, but Wayne didn't have much to compare it to.
You placed the plate right in front of him as he moved the newspaper out of the way
"Did he have fun? any record deals yet?" you wondered out loud
You didn't mean to pry; it wasn't your business. What Eddie did with his life didn't have anything to do with you anymore, and best believe it was your fault for that.
You couldn't help it, you just needed to know what he was up to.
But it was strange to only be gone a month. Maybe he didn't enjoy it like you thought he would.
"Unless he went somewhere I don't know, then, no"
You leaned against the counter again, fully facing the man as he took a bite of his burger.
You concluded that He was joking, he must have been, because how could he not know about his nephews' dreams of being a Rockstar?
You only knew Eddie for a short few months and knew about it, so how could the man that basically raised him not know about it?
He was joking
But you were still left confused
"So, isn't he in LA?" you asked, giving him a knowing look he definitely didn't pick up on as he looked up at you
"Who told you that?" Wayne scoffed, sipping his coffee shortly before bringing it down again, a slight look of amusement on his face
No one had told you that, mostly because you haven't seen anyone since you graduated last month.
It was just what you assumed.
"He's still here?"
"doesn't want to leave" he said like it was the most causal thing in the world, like he had no clue about Eddie's rants about wanting to get the fuck out of there.
But why on earth would he change his mind about that?
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Eddie didn't have much to do now that he didn't have to go to school.
For a while he would just stay in the trailer, sulking, missing you for whatever reason until he wasn't upset anymore, this was all you, you pushed him away.
No, he wasn't upset.
He wasn't even mad.
He had no feelings towards it. he was indifferent.
Which is probably the worst out of all the things he could be.
Because one, Eddie was very expressive, he always had feelings or opinions on every matter, but with you, it was like he purposely locked you away in his head, now you were out of sight, out of mind.
Well, not entirely the latter part of that saying, he still thought about you sometimes, there were just no feelings behind the thoughts, he would just picture your pretty smile and that would be it.
He was lost inside his room.
Lost inside his head
He closed his eyes and fled, the image of him being a Rockstar slowly fading away with every day he spends in Hawkins, He knows he should get out.
What would the rants about leaving be for if he continued to stay? he had to make a point.
But every time he imagined himself on stage, His mind couldn't help but torture him with the sight of you with him.
It just wasn't fair.
You had to have done voodoo shit on him.
and that shit is something not even Eddie messes with, he's terrified of voodoo, but you've done it. He knows you have.
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If you had known Eddie was still in Hawkins, you wouldn't have spent so long wishing you had given him a kiss goodbye, made him promise to come back.
You wish you would have known earlier, maybe it would have made it easier to apologise.
Because now time has passed and everything has set in, probably unable to be fixed.
He wouldn't accept your apology now.
But he might have if you said sorry a month ago.
Better yet, you could have just not said what you did.
But this was good news. He was still here.
And for whatever reason he was still here gave you hope.
You missed him, how could you not? he accepted you when no one else did.
Which is maybe why you decided to go to the record store, just to reminisce in the music that might bring you closer to him.
You knew you couldn't see him, it was like an unspoken rule, but nobody ever said you weren't allowed to think about him.
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Wayne still never got the hint that you two weren't friends anymore, which is evident to not only you, but now to Eddie as Wayne comes into the trailer only two days after your encounter with a smile that silently said 'I like to meddle with things'
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I saw your friend the other day" He spoke, putting him bag down by the door, because for some reason, the honeycombs his nephew was eating reminded him of the diner.
"Which one?" Eddie said with his mouth full of the cereal
Wayne tried thinking, he really did, but he shrugged "dunno, the girl"
Eddie paused his chewing for a moment to swallow, looking at his uncle like he had something up his ass
He had forgotten to tell Wayne about your broken friendship. maybe out of embarrassment when having to admit he liked you, and you well, Eddie still isn't sure what you felt towards him.
Every time Eddie thought he had you figured out, you did something to throw him completely off track until all he knew is that you were using him to get by in the last few months of school.
He was the only person to take you under his wing because for one, he felt guilty, and two, well...
You were just really pretty
But all you wanted was to have 'friends' for the last part of your school life.
He gets it, he's fine with being the pawn in that game, it's not like he's never been used before, he can handle it, doesn't mean he has to paint you in a bad light, no.
He just chooses not to think about it, it was better like that.
So now, life had sprung him into telling the truth
"We aren't friends, Wayne" the boy started, awkwardly scratching his hand, already feeling uncomfortable with his conversation
"Oh no, of course you ain't. I never thought for a second friends kiss each other like I caught you two doin'" Wayne raised an eyebrow, moving past his nephew to the fridge, grabbing a bear before heading to the couch.
Eddie was mortified, blushing furiously "No, Wayne, as in I haven't seen her since graduation"
Now it was Wayne's turn to look at him strangely.
"Now why the 'ell is that?"
Eddie shrugged "just...didn't stay in touch"
Wayne wasn't an idiot, he knew when to stop asking questions. which he reluctantly did, but not without a last comment
"Well, this is awkward' I invited her to dinner" the old man sighed as he opened the beer, flicking on the television as he put his feet up on the old coffee table as the younger Munson's almost chocked on cereal, his eyes popping out of his head
"You did what!?"
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The record store was quiet, but it usually was on a Wednesday afternoon. It was actually quiet most of the time, which was nice.
You didn't have to squeeze past anyone to get to the shelf you wanted, and only a few people stared at you when you made your way towards the metal section, the dust still prominent in the sign.
But unlike any other time, you imagined it or waited until everyone was gone, you just didn't care.
If it meant you'd get to be in any way, shape or form closer to Eddie, you'd do it.
You didn't exactly know what you were looking for,
Probably anything he's ever mentioned- if you could even remember
nothing else had worked out for you, you've tried many things just to get a feel of him in any way you can, but nothing can capture the sting of the guilt you feel for letting him 'leave'
The fair might not have been a wise decision when you look at you now, but you don't regret it, it was probably the best decision you ever made in high school, all you could ever think about from that day is the slight moment where his eyes lit up every time he looked at you, you saw it now. How he felt.
You flicked through the CDs and tapes, searching for something that catches your eye.
They didn't have much, not a wide variety like any pop or country genre
looking through all of them, you focused on names first, Motörhead, Judas Priest, Black sabbath, Metallica, Iron maiden, Wasp, and Dio.
You'd heard or Metallica and Wasp, remembering the music he played for you, Wild child playing as he drove you to his graduating party at the trailer.
And you remember Dio, that beautiful image of him at the fair wearing that Dio shirt with ripped sleeves imprinted in your mind.
So, it was safe to say that Wasp and Dio were the way to go.
The options were limited, only two different albums, one with a picture of a man struggling in water with a somewhat demon behind him, and the other one a faded orange so worn out you could barely see the same demon and figures in the foreground on the cover.
You went with the first one, deciding you liked the cover better than the other one and them immediately finding the one album that you could never get off your mind ever since you saw it for the first time all those months ago.
The album that basically started it all. The fantasies, the fascinating, the wonders.
The scary man on the cover stared at you, almost mockingly as you slowly picked it up. But you smiled, the last command, you were sure you were going to love it, if he did, you would most likely find the courage to as well.
You compared the two CD's in your hand and nodded, feeling happy in yourself as you walked up to the counter.
You still felt the stares at the back of your head as you waited for the worker to acknowledge you, but you didn't mind, what's a few more people to settle you as a freak?
You cleared your throat, and the worker looked up from the magazine he was reading, looking at the discs you've placed on the counter before raising an eyebrow as he examined you
"These aren't really meant to be bought... nobody buys them" he said dully, sitting up in his chair
"Then you should probably take them off of the shelves" you smiled brightly "how much do I owe you?"
He rang you in and deadpanned "16.47"
You paid happily and thanked him, feeling oddly proud of yourself as you backed up, turning around when you bumped into a hard chest, making them groan deeply, your CD's dropping just as you backed up.
You gaped as he bent down, picking them up for you as you stared at him, him pausing him movements halfway up as he looked at the music you bought.
You weren't ready, you weren't ready at all to see that soft face that was now frowning as he looked up before straightening his composure.
A slight flare to his nose and his eyes dropped more than they usually would. He definitely wasn't ready to see you either, you presumed
There was a slight glare to his eyes as you held out the CDs to you.
"Thank you..." you muttered as you took them, hating the way you couldn't look at him.
All your pride and confidence completely washed away by his stare
After a month of thinking he was gone, as soon as you find out he isn't, you see him? what bullshit was that?
It was silence before he spoke up quietly "I take it I rubbed off on you, huh?"
You could barely hear him with how quiet he was, making you finally look at him in the eye
You only nodded
He nodded slowly, and you noticed his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek as he stepped away, brushing past you, deciding that was it
And it was. You agreed as you walked out of the store, you mind telling you to go back and finally apologise.
But you couldn't go back in there.
So, you stood outside
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Eddie didn't want to see you. Well, actually, that's not the truth.
He was fine with not seeing you.
But now that he has, it's hit a spot he didn't want to be touched again, you just had to look so good and be buying metal tapes? what was up with that?
He mentally cursed himself for talking, for even helping you pick them up, he shouldn't have even left the trailer today, but he just had to get away from the awkward conversation with Wayne.
Also, what were the fucking chances he sees you for the first time in a month right after talking about you.
That was the voodoo shit he was talking about, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at the thought of your magic.
He wasn't there for a while; he looked for a few moments before deciding enough was enough, you probably cursed the store, he needed to get out before it seeped through his veins.
But in all seriousness, seeing you ruined his mood, it wasn't you fault for bumping into you, he'll give you that, you didn't want to see him as much as he was fine with not seeing you, but now he's going to spiral back into thinking about you for ages and he'd rather get away from that right now.
What he didn't expect was to be bombarded at his van with you standing there, your foot tapping on the concrete
He stood a few feet away and stayed there
'ok...what's up with that?' he asked himself before slowly making his way over
"Hi" you spoke hushly
"Hi" he parroted
You took a short breath as you looked down "I thought you were in LA.."
"I bet that's where you want me too, huh?" he spat
He didn't mean to, but then again, some part of him needed to get that out
You tried to talk but nothing came out so, you settled for scratching your arm nervously
"I saw Wayne the other day" you mentioned, not sure why you felt the need to even say that, especially with the way Eddie responded
"Oh yeah, I heard" he nodded "I wouldn't take him up on that offer for dinner if I were you"
You chuckled dryly.
Eddie would go right about now, drive off and leave you with that, but seen as thought your blocking the driver's side door, he's a bit stuck
And unlike any other jerk, he would rather almost anything than put his hands on you.
Not because he would be grossed out, but because he doesn't want to hurt you, not that he probably could with just a light shove.
His tone let you know he wasn't ready to talk to you as he spat out every word
"I know you're mad-" you started before he shook his head
"'m not mad, nothing to be mad about, but you know what? I was just on my way to pack to head off, got a great record deal I gotta show up to, it's so far away you'll probably never see you again" He deadpanned, his tone nothing but sarcasm
"Ok..." you nodded, understanding his want for you gone
"Should have left ages ago, actually, just like you told me to, should have fucked right of-"
"So why didn't you?" you asked.
It was just a simple question, so why did it anger him so much?
"pardon?" he blinked, his jaw clenched, his eyebrows furrowed deeply
"Why didn't you leave?" you asked again
Eddie went silent, he wasn't ready to answer that question, because there was no answer.
He doesn't have one yet.
He doesn't know why he's still here, in Hawkins, In the trailer, In front of you and not in a recording studio.
He just never left.
He's not sure why.
It was your voodoo shit, you're making him stay, he concluded once again, that was the answer.
Realising he didn't have an answer, you opted for another comment, just wanting it out there.
You wanted him to know.
He had to know.
You didn't expect him to say it back, but you had to admit it.
"I missed you"
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
sorry for the late update 😬
Taglist:
@exploding-bonbon @xlostitx @pupwrites @carolineesnell @foreveranexpatsposts @itsmadamehydra @thedoubleexposurephotography @g3n3zshack @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @emxxblog @nubedeoctubreval @bimboshaggy @sheneedsrocknroll92 @callmytherapistplease-blog @ifeelbadbutimhot @littlemissholy @sammybrrr @alastorssimp @e-c-a-r-l-a-t-e @hazydespair @eddiesguitarskills
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
#x fem!reader#imagines#angst#eddie munson#joseph quinn#stranger things#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x fem!reader#ami's new series!#eddie stranger things#stranger things fic#kiss you series#eddie munson x reader#thanks for reading
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I'm your Little Baby Doll, you're My Mr. Rock n' Roll
Cliff Booth x Actress! Reader



Summary : In 1960's Hollywood a rising starlet catches the eye of a professional stuntman. Caught in the world of film, they are each other's escape.
A/N : 99% sure this fandom is dead, but this is my blog I do what I want. Just a heads up the chapter starts off from Cliff's POV before switching to yours. This story was (obviously) written while listening to unreleased Lana. Chapter II coming soon.
Warning : None
Word Count : 3k
Chapter Index : I, II, III, IV
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Click here for Ao3 Ver.
Cliff was not famous, but he wasn't unknown. To the public, he didn't exist. To the people working in Hollywood, he was a talented stuntman turned murderer. So overall, people more or less knew his name, not that he cared all that much. He was never one for the spotlight anyways. It was funny, how LA big shots never paid him much attention before he became a rumoured criminal. But after all, that was how the movie business worked. Brilliant people shunned by talentless crooks.
Cliff leaned on his yellow Cadillac, his boss' car in truth, but he'd been the only one driving it for years so he considered it his. He was slowly smoking a cigarette in the pale moonlight, lost in thoughts, waiting for Rick Dalton to finish his meeting inside so he could drive him home.
Rick had been his boss and now friend since the rise of their careers on Bounty Law. To everyone else it seemed like Cliff was the one following Rick from set to set like a lost puppy, but in truth it was Rick who could never get anything done without his double. Dalton might've been a great actor, but it was all he was talented at. This didn't bother Cliff, he was glad he could spend his days driving and getting paid for it, plus he enjoyed Rick's company. However paranoid the man might've been, he was fun to be around.
Cliff took a long drag of his cigarette as he looked up at the bright billboard in front of him. It was an ad for an upcoming film. Cottontail Banditwas the name of the movie. The image showcased a beautiful young woman lying on her side, dressed in a playboy bunny outfit with curled hair and accessories to match on a pale blue background. Although he noticed her get-up covered her more than the regular bunny suit. The collar was higher on her chest and her hipbones were hidden under the glossy fabric. He'd seen a short article about the film in a magazine. It was a comedy about a waitress at a playboy bar who used her seduction skills to steal from men. He remembered this because he found it strange that the picture had managed to get a PG rating, considering the nature of playboy culture. He read the tagline that was written above the actress' legs ; Bunnies, bucks and mischief. He huffed as he looked at the girl's face once more. She was covered in exaggerated makeup and her expression was, strangely enough, neutral. Though her eyes were wide with surprise almost.
He was interrupted by the sound of a car door opening and closing. When he turned around to look, Rick was back and ready to leave. "What are you looking at ?" Rick said as he leaned down to get a better look at the billboard. Cliff threw the rest of his cigarette on the ground and got in the car. "Oh... That's that new girl... She just got signed with our company. I can't remember her name."
"You know 'er ?" Cliff asked as he started the car.
"Not personally. People been talkin' about her because this is her second or third picture ever." Cliff hummed. "Y-You mind stopping by the studio ? I need to go pick up some scripts for auditions." Cliff knew he didn't really have a choice and started making a detour towards the film lot the studio was on.
After some meaningless conversation, they arrived at their destination. The car stopped in front of the toll booth. Inside, a security guard was sleeping, leaning on his arm. "Larry !" Rick shouted, waking up the man. "What're you still doing here ?" When the duo usually stopped by the studio late at night, it was always empty and they'd even had to lift the barrier keeping their car from passing themselves.
"Some artsy new director is taking his sweet time." The man said annoyed. "They're not even filming, they're taking promotional pictures for the movie."
"Well, you know how beginners are." Cliff laughed. "Now open the gate, won't you ?"
The guard did as he was told and let the car pass. Cliff parked in front of one of the offices. Rick got out and assured he'd be back quickly. Cliff sighed and took his carton of cigarettes from inside the glove box. To his left was the only film lot that was still opened. He could hear people moving and talking from the inside. As he put one of the cigarettes in his mouth, the door of the movie set opened. From it emerged a woman, her back facing him.
He took in her appearance, starting at her shoes and slowly making his way up. She wore black heels that were quite short, adding almost nothing to her height. She wore slightly shiny skin-toned tights which made it seem like her legs were just naturally smooth. As he continued looking, he realized she wasn't wearing pants, but rather a familiar bodysuit with a white pompom attached to the back of it. Her shoulders were bare and it seemed like she'd been decorated in, probably fake, diamonds. Her curls were being blown by the slight breeze, and on top of her head were placed a pair of rabbit ears. She wrapped her arms around herself.
Cliff got out of the car to light his cigarette, the sound of the door closing made her turn around to face him. It was the same actress he'd seen on the billboard. "You alright there ?" He asked as he let out a puff of smoke.
She approached him, her arms still tangled together. "Our camera broke and it's freezing inside, so I needed to step out." She nervously smiled.
"Yeah, the indoor studios get really cold when they turn on the AC, and it's not like you got much to warm up with."
"You're an actor ?"
"Stuntman." He answered with his signature grin.
"What's a stuntman doing here at this hour ?" She laughed.
"Driving around my boss."
"Who's your boss ?" She asked as she leaned back next to him on the car.
"Why are you askin' so many questions ?"
"I'm new here, we might cross each other again." She said as she held out her hand for him to shake. Her wrists were decorated with fake suit cuffs and her nails were perfectly manicured. "Y/N L/N."
"Cliff Booth." He said as he shook her hand. "Rick Dalton's my boss."
"Thee Rick Dalton from Bounty Law ? I used to watch it as a kid."
Cliff gave her a look, not wanting to comment on the fact she was still very much a kid compared to him. "Then you must've seen me too."
"So you're famous ?" She gave him a teasing glance.
"Not as much as you." He said as he looked ahead. He saw from the corner of his eye that her head was still facing him.
"How do you know I'm famous ?"
"I've seen your billboards." He could tell from her demeanour that she was not too proud of that. "Cottontail Bandit. Is it a good film ?"
"It's good if you like comedies. The studio is scared nobody will go see it because they'll assume it's one of those X rated pictures." She huffed.
"It isn't ?" Cliff teased.
She delicately pushed his arm, holding back a laugh. "Mr. Booth, you are terrible."
They heard someone from inside the film set call for her. She got off the Cadillac and started walking away slowly. "Run along, bunny." Cliff said, as if assuring her it was alright to leave. She waved him goodbye quickly and got back to work. Cliff would be lying if he said he hadn't looked at her ass. At that same moment Rick came back, only catching a glimpse of the white pompom attached to her lower back.
They both got inside the car again. "W-Were you talking to someone ?" Rick asked as he put his pile of scripts in the backseat.
"Y/N L/N."
"That was her name !" Rick said, finally remembering the name of the new actress he'd mentioned earlier. "Her director's the one who won't leave ?"
"Seems like it."
"They're still filming that playboy movie ?"
"I doubt she dresses like a playmate by choice." Cliff imagined the bunny ears on her perfectly styled hair again in his mind. "Did you find anything interesting ?" The stuntman said, changing the conversation topic.
"More TV westerns. I feel like I'm getting type casted now. Plus these ones don't have many episodes planned out."
After bringing Rick back home, Cliff drove back to his trailer in his own, less impressive car. It was dark out and it had been a long day at work. As soon as he opened the small door, Brandy, his dog, came running out. He scratched her ear as her tail wagged, happy to see him. After a few seconds he lead her back inside. He turned on his small and old television before walking to the kitchen to make himself something to eat.
As soon as he opened a cabinet, Brandy barked. Cliff laughed at his impatient pet. "We've been practicing patience." But after a dozen barks and noises from the dog, he realized he couldn't say no to her. He sighed as he grabbed one of the many cheap dog food cans he had stored in the cupboards. He ripped the lid off with ease and watched as the slop slid out of the can and into a dog bowl. He waited a minute before letting the dog eat. As soon as he whistled, Brandy ran towards her food and wasted no time chowing down.
Cliff sighed at the sight and began looking for food for himself. After a minute or two of searching, he found a packet of instant mac and cheese. He put the pasta in boiling water, paying no attention to the mess he was making as he poured the bright orange powder in the pot. As he stirred the food, he heard a familiar voice.
"Oh, but haven't I been such a good girl ?" He turned towards the sound almost immediately, it was coming from his TV. When he looked at the screen he saw her. Y/N, in her now signature bunny costume. He kept on watching the commercial featuring her that was now playing. Her demeanour was completely different, more confident and sure of herself than when he'd seen her earlier that evening.
"Brace yourselves for one of this year's most hilarious comedies, starring rising starlet Y/N L/N !" The narrative voice of the advert said, as multiple shots of her from the movie flashed on the television.
Cliff dismissed his supper and sat down on his small couch, his eyes never leaving the monitor. He watched as she looked up at an unnamed costar in the scene, her hands on his chest. The next scene showcased her sitting on a bed, joyously throwing hundreds if not thousands of fake dollar bills in the air with a mischievous grin.
"From director Arlo Duvall ; Cottontail Bandit. Coming to theatres near you next month. Rated PG." The last shot of the commercial was her lying in a gigantic pile of diamonds, blowing a kiss to the audience. "They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure does make my life sparkle." That was her last line in the short TV spot. As the advertisement ended, he laughed. She was a totally different person on screen it seemed. Her character was more serious, self-assured and certain in her role than the actress portraying her. But he couldn't deny, he enjoyed the way she looked. He thought back to her last words to him and how she'd preferred to call him Mr. Booth rather than his first name.
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the sound of the hot water falling on the stove. He quickly got up to remove the pot from the burner. The show playing on TV resumed after the last ad, but Cliff wasn't paying much attention to it at that point.
The only thing he thought about was the fact he might have to go to the movie's next month.
~
As you walked back into the studio, all seven pairs of eyes inside were on you. Your manager, Frances, angrily walked towards you. "Y/N, where were you ?"
"I was just outside... It was too cold for me here."
She grabbed your upper arm. Whatever she was about to do was stopped by her giving you a look. "You smell like cigarette smoke." She unhappily whispered in your ear.
You knew one of her many rules for you was no smoking. She had spent the past three years creating your public image and she would not see it destroyed. She wanted your persona to be one of the perfect feminine actress. She believed smoking was a man's pastime and it was not something you should be doing as a woman. Although you'd caught her multiple times with a cigarette between her fingers. So much so, you'd noticed a yellow stain forming on her index and middle finger, the hypocrite.
"Could we get back to shooting before the camera decides to break permanently ?" Arlo, the director of the film, said annoyed from afar.
You ripped your arm from France's grip and walked back to the set. You sat down on the lounge chair that had been set up for the shoot and continued posing as you heard the clicks of the shutter. After ten minutes or so Arlo finally announced "That's a wrap for Cottontail Bandit everybody !"
He approached you with a friendly smile and kneeled to be face-to-face with you, still on the chair. "We're all done with the movie, you're just gonna need to do a few interviews tomorrow since there won't be a real press tour or premiere."
"Thank you so much for this opportunity, Arlo. It's been so fun."
It didn't take long for Frances to intrude, making you unable to continue the conversation. Frances wanted to make sure all business decisions were handled by her. Apparently any talking between you and any one who'd ever worked on a movie was a possible opportunity and if it was handled by you it could be ruined.
"It's getting late." The older woman said, obviously insinuating it was time for you to leave. You quickly said your goodbyes to the crew and walked back to the costume trailer to change.
You took off your costume for the last time. It might've been inconvenient at times, but you'd miss it. You wondered what your next project would be, and if it would be an experience as comfortable as Cottontail Bandit. You still remembered the day you'd approached the women in the wardrobe department and told them about your concerns regarding your outfit and how they had it fixed for you the next morning. You doubted other productions were as worried about their actors as this one.
You put on your sweater, skirt and heels, fixed your hair and walked out of the trailer. To no one's surprise, Frances was waiting for you.
"You weren't smoking were you ?" You stopped yourself from rolling your eyes, you couldn't believe she was still hung up on that.
"No, you know I never have. And where would I have been able to buy a carton in five minutes without leaving ?"
"There was someone else outside." She said, finally reaching the right and most probable conclusion.
You didn't even bother answering and began the walk to your car. "Tomorrow morning, nine o' clock sharp, here for the interviews. And I set up an audition for you." She shouted as you got further and further away.
Once you got in your car, you gripped the steering wheel and took a deep breath.
You'd signed a contract with Frances when you were a struggling actress two years ago. You were eighteen, in an unknown city with no connections and it was truly an accident that you met the woman. With no lawyer to reread the paperwork for you, you'd apparently missed a few key elements, mainly about her managing your social life and schedule. She was quick to become your manager, and you her only client. Although your career had improved since your meeting, she was truly a pain. Very strict and controlling. You found out a few weeks after meeting her that she was a failed actress in the 40s, she'd only managed to land roles as background characters with no lines or significance. You didn't know if that's what had transformed her into a bitter old woman.
You turned on the car engine and began driving away. LA was illuminated by colourful lights and the crowds on the streets. It was nothing like your home state of Oklahoma. Although Tulsa was beautiful and always illuminated, it never had that glamorous charm Hollywood had. You left Oklahoma to start your career as an actress. This wish had been kickstarted by your mother taking you to the movie once as a tween. Little did she know about the obsession with becoming a star that she had accidentally started. Your family had wished you luck when you left, but except for a few letters here and there, you hadn't heard much from them. Not that they disliked you or anything of that sort, simply you fell out of touch.
As you drove, you thought back to the stuntman you'd met earlier, Cliff Booth. You wished you could have spent more time talking to him. He interested you, you weren't sure why, but you hoped you would cross him again soon. As embarrassed as you were to admit it, you couldn't stop thinking about him. Maybe it was the lack of men in your life, no thanks to Frances' strict rules, or maybe it was due to the way he was genuine when talking to you, not 'talking business'. Not to mention, he was quite handsome, you'd had no problem imagining the amount of women that must've thrown themselves at him every day.
Whatever the source of your interest was, Cliff Booth was on your mind that evening.
#fanfic#fanfiction#once upon a time in hollywood#cliff booth#brad pitt#cliff booth x reader#x reader#quentin tarantino#x fem!reader#1960s#ouatih
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if anon wants to know more about HLD block:
It was literally from nowhere, when they posted about the festival location, their (venue's) own website had already done it;
A theory was that some solos told him they were leaking/sharing leaks of some unreleased songs which also not true, it was an anon account on twitter, I saw with my own eyes;
Also some said he was "against" they having the option of "superfan" which is like a paid subscription for special info - nothing different than people on instagram these days or paid newsletters;
Everything they posted for superfans was on everyone's general tl in seconds and they never said anything against it;
They did weekly listening parties; special events, created games, interactions, charity drives on their bdays, lots of giveaways too, they had partnership with apps, institutions, other UAs, campaigned heavily for audience voting awards, ect;
They had around 500k followers by then, more than any other Louis UA and only behind harryflorals on ig for Harry, so blocking your biggest UA has to be dumb as fuck for an artist who talks so much about love and gratefulness for his fans, they never did anything so horrible to justify blocking;
They didn't announced right away and I imagine were trying to figure out what to do and what had happened, they asked if people would prefer for them to become a solo H account (since according to the world, Louis hated them), majority asked them to keep updating about Louis;
There are old stupid arguments that oh they update more on H or oh they only talk about L, but it's all solo bs! They can't update equally on both when one is in the middle of promo and the other is mia???
The block, photo of Louis "with F" at a playground/park and the infamous message to Bentleys weird mom all happened in a span of few weeks;
AFTER THE BLOCK, Louis' and BMG team used HLD explicitly on FITF promo. LTHQ liked a comment under THEIR post to hint at the hidden track names, they (bmg) literally posted a vid showing the marketing campaign where their page was open (same campaign that glaringly also engaged with several LARRIE Tumblr blogs), hypocrisy much?
There are Louis UAs that encouraged people to interact and "be nice" to mf Sofie after ONE pap shoot, always creating het dating scenarios for him, asked people to donate money for a f-ing aotv billboard that HIS TEAM should be responsible for, guilt-tripped fans daily for his streams, are extremely weird about his family, insult 1D, Harry and even the fact that Louis does covers on his own concerts and yet these don't seem to be reasons good enough for a block;

#Louis blocking hld#hld#hld block#fandom history#Bentley#for newbies#the doubling down on babygate#was one of the weirdest evolutions I’ve ever seen#and I know it cost Louis a lot of fans#I truly don’t get it
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How do u feel abt Larry headcanons? I loved your sal hcs
larry johnson hcs
note: ok,, i'm so happy i'm starting to get asks ‼️

it's no secret that's he's a massive stoner. he smells kind of similar to sal except the weed smell is a LOT more potent and he probably uses axe body spray...
his first bong was probably a gatey. mainly uses blunts for when he's have a long smoke sesh - cus after all, they do take longer to burn and taste better cus they're a mix.
most dates r typically smoke sessions or he'd definitely take you to an abandoned place to tag your names or initials.
omg omg ok when he's high he DEFINITELY goes and raids the nearest 7/11. he always wants donuts and he will ravage that shit like it's the last donut on earth and he's fighting to have it😭
we all know he's a bit lanky, but he wins pretty much every fight he's in. he's kind of feral. he throws a mean ass punch bro
he has a loud ass stereo in his room and BLASTS music w it. like room shaking, ears ringing, eyes vibrating typa blasting...
he gets suspended sm. like, suspended so much it's a miracle that he hasn't been failed a year level due to his attendance.
none of the teachers really care too much about his smoking, they don't get paid enough to give a shit anyways.
i'm kind of conflicted trying to decide between whether he's an ass or tits man. regardless of gender, he loves all parts of ya regardless tbh.
oh my god, he totally watches midnight gospel when he's high. he's like "yeaaa man,, this shits deeeep"
he fucking loves piercings. no doubt. has an eyebrow piercing and a tongue piercing. was so sad when he found out he couldn't smoke for a bit until his tongue piercing healed. (he did it anyway and just used the antiseptic spray after his sessions)
he watches band documentaries like they're the most sacred thing on earth. has a whole youtube playlist for them with literally every band he likes. he's not a big fan on documentaries, obviously, but music ones are just different.
goes to kmart and prints out the worst pictures of his friends to glue into his locker and not so subtly point them out to his friends.
he collects cool looking lighters. mainly bic but he has a few zippo ones. he thinks the funky patterns are rad as fuck and just has a little container full of lighters under his bed.
he has like 7 half drunk water bottles on his nightstand and they grow by the day. nah they grow by the week, mans is obviously the most dehydrated fucker you'll ever meet.
majority of his wardrobe are dirty ass stained band shirts and baggy jeans. notable mentions are studded belts and crusty ass socks with combat boots and converse.
when it's winter, you will NOT see this man without a beanie. they're a must have. he jus gets a little chilly
if you gave him a friendship bracelet or something, he will NEVER EVER take that shit off. he treasures it like it gives him superpowers or some shit
he probably spits a little when he talks 😭
yuck it's still kind of short sorry but i do hope you enjoyed this, anon !! 🙏
#sally face headcanons#larry johnson#larry johnson headcanons#larry johnson x reader#headcanons#fanfiction#larry johnson hcs
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So the AA Fandom has no shortage of jokes about how our favorite Anime Laywers generally prioritize stuff like the Power of Friendship above more mundane concerns like 'getting paid for doing their job' but...seriously now, how often do they actually get paid for lawyering?
Well, welcome to...
The Big Overview of WAA Lawyers and Actually Getting Paid!!
The vast majority of AA Cases do not discuss payments for legal services explictly, so I will be Ranking how probable I feel it is the Lawyers got Paid. With a 0 standing for 'explictly and unambigiously did not get paid' and 1 standing for 'explictly and unambigiously did get paid'
The First Turnabout
That's an easy one, it is actually explicitly mentioned that no, Larry did not pay Phoenix for his services as a Lawyer.
And so, my first trial came to a close. Larry slapped me on the back and said, "Gee, Nick, it's good to have friends!" But I'm pretty sure he's not going to pay us. Unless you count the clock he gave Mia.
Which is brought up again months later during 'Turnabout Goodbyes'
Butz: Whoa… Nick. S-so, is that why you helped me out for free? Phoenix: Uh… yes. I helped you because I believed in you. (Except I don't remember saying I'd do it for free…)
So Phoenix expected and wanted to get paid, but he’s just, like, not assertive enough to get his money off Larry. And thus a long legacy of Not Getting Money was born!
Probability of Getting Paid: 0
Turnabout Sisters
Okay, so the subject of money does not come up directly in ‘Turnabout Sisters’ but like… Maya does not seem to have a lot of liquid funds on her at this point. For most of the games she generally relays on Phoenix to pay for things for her. At best right now she is semi-dependent on Morgan for cash - and considering her motivations, she probably came out with some excuse like ‘oooh Mystic Maya must prove her independence in such a dire situation or something, the whole Fey Family is broke we can’t afford to give you any more money I feel so bad ooooh’.
So I think if Phoenix got paid for defending her that was mostly a token symbolic gesture of gratitude more than actually anything that’ll help him pay the rent. And obviously Phoenix wouldn’t gain anything if he paid himself for that second trial of the case lol
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.1
Turnabout Samurai
Okay, so this is the first case where I think it is more likely than not Phoenix Actually Got Paid. There’s nothing textual, but I think with the implications of Phoenix starting the case fretting over how to pay the rent:
Phoenix: A month has passed since my trial. Mia's murder was the talk of the town for some time… But no one paid any attention to the Wright & Co. Law Offices… How am I going to pay the rent this month? Maya: It'll be okay. I'm sure some big client is just around the corner! Phoenix: Hmph.
And THEN his new Client is Will Powers who is:
a fairly sucessful actor whose life and career seems to be unglamorous but financially stable.
the first cilent Phoenix has who isn't a friend, a relative-of-a-friend or Literally Himself
generally just a really nice and wholesome guy.
It seems pretty likely to me that Phoenix and Maya got paid for this one!
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.8
Turnabout Goodbyes
OKAY so, I've seen folks say that Phoenix would've probably done this for free cause he sees this whole thing as repaying a debt for Being Nice to Him in Fourth Grade because as we all know, Phoenix is a Certified Ridiculous Human Being.
Phoenix: This is my chance to finally pay you back. Maya: Pay him back…? Edgeworth: Pay me back? For what? I don't remember ever doing anything for you. Phoenix: Never mind… I guess you don't really need to know.
Buuuuut... Larry at the time was also part of that Class Trial Bestie Pact and Phoenix did expect him to pay I mean Larry is not the Love of His Life but still.
And more important, this case ALSO established that Miles has a problem expressing gratitude and overcompensate using financial gifts.
Phoenix: Thank you. Oh, wait! Umm… I was wondering, how much is bail going to be? Gumshoe: Don't worry about that. Mr. Edgeworth is posting the whole amount. Phoenix: What? Edgeworth…? Gumshoe: Didn't I tell you? He's grateful to her for what she did. Alright, pal. Well don't forget to go pick her up, okay? Phoenix: (Hmm… Maybe I can get Edgeworth to pay this month's rent, too…)
So I feel, like, regardless of what Phoenix wanted - at the end of this trial - Miles IS going to make sure he is GETTING PAID. Dude was probably shoving checks into his mailbox like a full month after the trial concluded.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.9
Rise from the Ashes
So... the person who initially hires Phoenix to the case is Ema Skye, a 16 year old girl whose main funds are her allowance. And Phoenix was kinda willfully ignoring his financial situation at the start and only took this case for sentimental reasons. (just more evidence that Miles was STILL sending him payments for 'Goodbyes' lol)
It's been two months since Maya left the office… Two months without a single trial. I've had offers… But none I took. That is… until the day that girl showed up.
However he does get 'formally requested' by her probably-well-off-considering-prosecutors-in-this-series older sister shortly thereafter.
Lana: … Mr. Wright? Phoenix: Y-yes? Lana: I believe our discussion here is ended. The rest… I leave to you. Phoenix: …! Um… you mean, you're requesting my services as your defense? Lana: Don't lose any sleep over it. Your client has confessed, after all. The case is over. Phoenix: Right… I'll do what I can to get to the bottom of this. Lana: …
And after a very long and harrowing journey of being in-conflict with his own client, Lana did end up being very grateful for what he did. And again, this case espacially emphasizes that 'prosecutors make the big bucks' - so she had both the means and will to pay him.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.6
The Lost Turnabout
Alrighty, so, Maggey is generally a nice girl and also a fangirl of Phoenix Wright and that gives her an incentive to support him financially...
Actually, I really love to watch court proceedings, and I always root for you to win! When I'm off duty, I like to come here and…
But with how unlucky she is, that might imply that she could have Money Troubles. Although on the other hand she at least has a stable job at the moment... But on the other OTHER hand she does mention how all the other lawyers 'laughed her off'
Just when I thought all hope was lost; when all the other lawyers had laughed me off… "Leave it to me!" you said! You! The one and only Phoenix Wright came to save the day! And just like that, I was moved to tears, sir! I'll never forget what you're doing for me, EVER!
Which usually I wouldn't note as a financial thing. Usually when an AA Defendant is like 'oooh I have no one else to turn too, all the other lawyers turned me down......" this is because the case is considered too impossible to win or Unbearably Wacky (or some sort of conspiracy like with Maya in 'Sisters'). But, like, this is a Tutorial Case. Phoenix won that one with Fucking Amnesia. The 'impossibility' of the case was not the issue, so, yeah, it might legitimately be the money?
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.4
Reunion, and Turnabout
It's Maya Murder Trial Time Again! Pretty much the same as before with the two added factors being:
Maya is now officially employed in the Wright & Co. Law Offices during the duration of the trial.
AFTER the Trial, when Morgan is like, in jail - Maya might have a bit more acess to her family funds. Although they are established to Not Be Doing Well Financially in general....
A piece of cloth with a ton of finely-written characters jammed onto it. Probably esoteric knowledge only mediums should know. …Hmm, let's see… Here's one in English… It says… "100 Ways to Save Money". … Being a medium sounds like a rough way of life…
I think all in all these kinda even out to the same Chances of Getting Paid at last time??
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.1
Turnabout Big Top
So if you ever start discussing how pointless the AA 'middle cases' are - just remember this one crucial detail; they are the most reliable way Phoenix Wright gets food on his plate! We once again have a stranger (that Phoenix won't feel obligated to defend for free) that is very explictly Fabulously Wealthy.
He's not as nicey-nice as Will Powers is but I feel like paying Phoenix's legal fees is not something Max will bet an eye at.
Phoenix: It's a table for guests… There are some papers scattered on top. Maya: Ah! Look at this! Max's salary is written on this piece of paper. YIKES! Phoenix: W-What is it? Maya: I didn't know a magician… This salary is incredible! Phoenix: (She looks like she's about ready to pass out from shock…) How much is it!? How much is it!? T-T-THAT MUCH!? Maya: Incredible, huh? Phoenix: You can say that again.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
Farewell, My Turnabout
Okay so this is the Big One. This one’s a really complicated one to determine.
Let’s just get the first thing out of the way, the fact that Phoenix “”lost”” the case does not matter one way or another. Criminal Defense Lawyers, as a general rule, do not work on a Contingency Fee Basis. That means they are paid regardless of the result of the trial. So if this was a normal trial, Phoenix would probably be paid.
But this was not a normal trial, was it?
Phoenix was FORCED to work as a Defense Attorney due to a KIDNAPPER. And, like, my first instinct is ‘if you are already forcing someone to work via criminal means, why the hell would you also pay them??’
Buuuuut….. This is MY instinct, not the instinct of goddam Shelly De Killer.
Since Shelly’s whole thing is being the Honorable Assassin, and he has some level of respect towards Phoenix as like a Fellow Professional. I can see him thinking maybe wanting Phoenix to get paid for the work he is Coercing Him To Do Under Threat of Murdering His Best Friend for the sake of Honor.
But also also, Phoenix’s terms are not officially with De Killer, it’s with This Asshole!
And Matt Engarde is absolutely the kind of guy to casually take advantage of Phoenix’s frantic ‘please please just let me be your lawyer or my Friend is gonna Die!’ thing where, like, obviously getting paid is NOT gonna cross through Phoenix’s head atm in order to not pay/severely underpay the guy even though he can obviously afford it.
All in all, things are not looking good for this case’s probability, which is a shame considering how it ends.
Powers: Um, anyway… So, who's paying for this lovely dinner party? Maya: As if you need to ask! Everyone say, "Thank you" to Nick! Phoenix: Huh? Gumshoe: Ah, yeah… I'm kinda at the point where I can't even buy instant noodles, pal. So I kinda already put your name on the bill.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.3
Turnabout Memories
First time covering a Lawyer that’s not Phoenix!
Now, Mia’s client in this case is a college student who probably doesn't have tons of personal funds, and considering her own motivations for taking on the case she probably would’ve done it for free but…
At the time she was employed at the Grossberg Law Offices, and Phoenix hired just the office in general and then Mia took over the case just last night.
Grossberg: Still, you surprised me… What, with your earnest request last night… "Let me handle this case!" you suddenly said. And quite forcefully, too! Mia: I just found out yesterday. About the case, I mean.
So... really this is just the Vibes I get from the Grossberg Law Offices, being generally the more professional and by-the-book law offices compared to the utter chaotic energy of Wright and Co, that makes me assume that they usually reliably charge their clients and pay their lawyers.
There’s some evidence further down the line (which we’ll get to soon) that some of their lawyers do some pro-bono work - but I dunno if Phoenix’s case was extreme enough to necessitate that (I mean he might be a broke college student but his family would probably help him with the legal funds although that assumes they even exist) . So my assumption is that Mia probably did get paid. Probably?
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.75
The Stolen Turnabout
So, Ron DeLite used to really financially struggle to keep up with his wife’s shopaholic habits - but that seems to have stabilized ever since his ‘benefactor’ showed up. So I’d assume he still has some funds left to pay his lawyer. I mean I guess it won’t be totally implausible if Desiree did manage to blow through them all…. Or maybe being a a high-spending shopaholic means that she’d want to pay extravagantly for her lawyer as well?
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
Recipe for Turnabout
It’s Maggey again! And now she’s:
Closer to a friend, or at least a friend-of-friend. Rather than Just Another Client.
Is probably in a more dire financial state than before, on account of being unemployed and also in jail for the last two months.
Also being a waitress isn’t that prestigious a job anyways
And if anyone is gonna help her cover her legal fees it could only be Gumshoe which… does not bode well to anyone involved!
Pissed at Phoenix cause it took her some time to realize that no, that guy who got her found guilty two months ago is not him
So basically everything that changed since her last trial makes it less likely that Phoenix charged for his legal services. I'm sure she'd try her best by the end, but Phoenix might just wave it off to save everyone a headache.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.3
Turnabout Beginnings
So first things first I want to reiterate that Criminal Defense Attorneys generally get paid regardless of if they ‘win’ and while I couldn’t find any concrete statements about the matter - I believe they get paid even if their clients die mid-trial??? I mean, the legal fees just get added to their posthumous debts? So the lawyer would hypothetically be able to claim their due payment from the deceased’s remaining funds and possessions. If they wanted to, that is…
Cause, well, this is why I said the Grossberg Law Offices might do some pro-bono cases. Terry Fawles was, like, a part-time tutor who has been incarcerated for the last five years. If he has any family or friends outside that could help him with his legal fees, he never mentions them.
So I’m really not sure if he bought Mia services or if she volunteered to do this pro-bono after hearing he had no options for legal representations out of concern for, like, prisoners rights.
And even if he was supposed to pay Mia for her service, after the grim ending of the case - I’m not sure if she would’ve even tried to pursue getting her legal fees from Fawles’ posthumously/from his next of kin. From how deeply traumatized she was by that trial, I think that would’ve only made her feel worse about the whole situation.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.05
Bridge to the Turnabout
Iris is a nun from a small temple that is mentioned to not-be-doing-so-hot (cause it’s tied with the Kurain Channeling Technique and it’s been on a downturn since DL-6), but she does have at least enough personal funds to have her own cell-phone and occasionally go into town. So it’s not a lot, but I think it’s enough to get Phoenix at least a a symbolic token-of-gratitude payment.
Also, it might be possible Phoenix will wave off the fees due to the Personal Connection to the case. You know, he was doing this primarily to Uncover the Truth and get some personal closure for the Dahlia mess.... Or maybe not, cause he did still get paid (or tried to get paid, or forced to get paid) to save his two Fourth-Grade-Life-Debt Childhood Best Friends in court?
(And I do mean just Phoenix, Miles probably would never charge for his services as ‘acting defense attorney’, we don’t need that farce to get any farcier)
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.3
Turnabout Trump
Now this is a complicated one, let us list the factors here one-by-one:
1. As per Apollo’s comment in the next episode, the Gavin Law Offices probably operated strictly quid pro quo.
(Good-bye, quid pro quo. Hello pro bono. sigh)
2. Phoenix is supposedly friends with the boss of the Agency. And in reality, Kritoph Gavin has a very VERY vested interest in making sure the trial goes According to Plan. Incentivising him to at least give Phoenix a discount.
3. Phoenix is also not doing that great financially right now.
4. Oh right, that entire law agency disbanded once the boss got arrested at the end of the trial!
…Speaking of which, I may be out of a job. I work for Gavin Law Offices, after all. (I still can't believe I just saw Mr. Gavin get led away in handcuffs…)
I think it is most likely that Phoenix got some sort of “”Friend”” Discount from Kristoph. But I really don’t know what happens if an entire law firm gets disbanded right after the trial cause the owner got arrested as a result of it. It probably depends on whether Phoenix was in agreement with the Gavin Law Offices who then assigned Apollo on the case or if Phoenix had an agreement with Apollo directly.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.5
Turnabout Corner
Oh hey, look! Another rare case of an Ace Attorney that actually discusses the issue of money directly!
Well, I mean we know how much Apollo got paid for solving the case of Phoenix’s accident and Trucy’s panties (nothing) and for solving Eldoon’s Noodle Cart Theft (a free bowl of ramen). We don’t see them directly discuss the subject of payment regarding Apollo’s Actual Job…
Apollo: Your request… let me guess, something's been stolen? Alita: Um, your flyer… It says "now defending" so I thought… Apollo: Whaaaat!? You mean, you mean you want me to defend you? Me? Trucy: Maybe you can tell us what happened? Were you hit by a car? Did someone steal your stand? Or your panties? Alita: No! No… I'm not the client, actually. The client would be my… well, my fiancé, I suppose you'd call him. Apollo: Fiancé…? What happened to him, then? Alita: He was arrested this morning. The charge… was murder.
But as he was complaining before about not only being pigeonholed as some sort of a detective, but also not getting paid for anything…
Um… I was wondering when I get paid? We solved the case of your accident, and um, found a missing article of clothing.
And then getting this job and being so happy about it...
Trucy: Polly! You look as happy as a clam in its shell. Apollo: For a lawyer this is it, the place where the battle begins!
Implies that He’s Getting Paid - just as much as with Phoenix’s rent stuff in ‘Turnabout Samurai’ if not more.
Also, I don’t think the fact that the person who hired him wanted him to fail and is now going to prison is a factor here.
As I already mentioned, Defense Attorneys get paid regardless of the outcome of a trial and logically that would apply both when they lose and when they win. Plus, I am pretty sure Alita filed her request officially through Wocky’s name or the Kitaki family in general and they were obviously very grateful for what Apollo did, and they had both the wins and wills to pay him.
So let’s give a big round of applause for Apollo Justice, the WAA Lawyer most likely to get paid!
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.99
Turnabout Serenade
These kind of showbiz-focused Middle Cases are generally pretty good for Getting Paid Probabilities, but this case is a bit more complicated.
Cause the plot of this case hinges on Machi being so desperate for money that he was willing to risk death via cocoon smuggling,
Situation… I cannot explain. But money. I needed. Very much money.
That doesn’t necessarily mean he was unable to afford a lawyer - without details of why exactly he needed that Sweet, Sweet Cocoon Money we can’t be sure. But it’s plausible that hiring Apollo was not out of his price range but he was desperate for something far more expensive.
Considering his young age and… you know, until the final day of the trial he pretended to not understand a word of English, it’s also possible hiring Apollo was a matter handled by Lamirior and/or the duo’s agency. Both of which will probably feel committed to Actually Paying, each from their own angle.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
Turnabout Succession
Now, HERE’S a complicated one!
Going generally over the usual stuff, Vera is a pretty nice person and she’s clearly grateful for what Apollo and Trucy did for her. And while the Misham Family was driven into forgeries by financial desperation, at the present-time they seem stable enough that Vera could at least afford the rates of the WAA. If this was just another case, it’ll get like a solid 0.7 at minimum. Pretty typical stuff by now.
But this isn’t just one more ordinary case. This a weird sort of ‘Test Trial’ for the Jurist System with every factor - including the Defendant and the Attorney - arranged by Phoenix’s weird little committee.
Well, for one, I'll be chair of the Jurist System Simulated Court Committee. The chair constructs the ideal situation… choosing the case, the jurist candidates… …even the judge and the courtroom.
Apollo: So… what kind of case is the trial simulation about? Phoenix: Well, since it is the first run through of a new system, I wanted something simple. Trucy: Good thinking! No sense wearing yourself out on something too serious! Phoenix: True. The case is a murder. Apollo: That's not simple at all!! Trucy: By "simple", did you mean that the defendant is… Phoenix: …Guilty. Yes. Most likely. …So, good luck, Apollo. Apollo: Um… with what? Phoenix: With the trial tomorrow. You're defending, of course. Recall that I said it had something to do with you.
So I guess the question here, did Phoenix basically make Vera officially hire Apollo? Did the committee hire Apollo and they’re the one paying him? Is this another case of Phoenix trolling Apollo into doing Free Volunteer Work for him?
Honestly I wouldn’t put that past the AA4 version of Phoenix..............but also if he did that I doubt he would’ve missed a chance to crack a joke at Apollo’s expense about that.
...You know, I started this thread of thought with the thought I’m arguing for a lower Getting Paid score for this case but I think I just talked myself into increasing the probability.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.8
Also bonus round: THE TRIAL OF SHADI ENIGMAR!
Zero fucking chances Phoenix got paid on this one. HIS CLIENT DISAPPEARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT PROCEEDING! And even if Phoenix gets paid before a trial is concluded (unlikely, since he didn’t know Larry wasn’t paying him until after the case was closed), he was his attorney for like half-a-day before he disappeared so wouldn’t have much of a chance either way. And considering Zak’s character (and how he also tried to sabotage Phoenix’s current Poker-based career seven years after that), I doubt he put that much thought into Phoenix and his financial considerations to give him a down payment in case he had to to do his disappearnce act or whatever. The only thing Zak left Phoenix with when he left was his goddam abandoned child and ONE LESS BADGE!
So I think this case deserves a very special score!
Probability of Getting Paid: -1
Turnabout Countdown
It’s time for Athena’s first case! Or second case, depending on how you look at it.
Now, one of the major ways that Dual Destinies is gonna shake this Deep Serious Analysis up is that before we had, like, one Active Full-Time Lawyer at any time (maybe with a backup lawyer for Flashback Cases), and we now have Three Different Lawyers actively working together on the same cases. My main concern is primarily not which WAA Lawyers get paid for these cases, but IF any of them got paid at all. Still, shenanigans of cases changing hands officially and unofficially are gonna play a factor in my analysis as well.
And it’s here right from the start! We once again have a Lawyer defending their bestest friend in the whole world, and while some people’s instincts might suggest that means that Defense was for free, well… First things first, we already established Precedence for that back in the first trial of the first game with Larry (not for Lawyers getting paid by their friends, but at least expecting payment) and Juniper’s family is probably doing Just Fine considering she attends this super-fancy-pant prestigious Lawyer High School - so she would want to financially support Athena I would think.
And ALSO, Juniper technically didn’t hire Athena, Apollo was the one supposed to defend Junie in court at first. And although Juniper is… growing closer to Apollo at this point in canon, I don't think it's quite the ‘defend me in court for Free’ point of their relationship, compared to where Juniper and Athena are at. So this is just, like, one extra point to the Final Score!
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
The Monstrous Turnabout
So in this episode, we actually have two different jobs we need to make sure if Apollo actually got paid for. We have the actual criminal defense case, and we also have Babysitting Trucy.
Trucy: Oh, we'd better hurry. Doesn't look Daddy's going to make it, so let's get going. Apollo: Huh? Where are we going? What about the job he mentioned? Trucy: This IS the job, Polly! You're supposed to keep me company today! Now, come on! Apollo: Another day of not being a lawyer. Should've seen this coming. Trucy: Well, this is the "Wright ANYTHING Agency," y'know. And there's no law-related work at the moment, so… Apollo: (Tell me again why I chose to "work" here?) Where is Mr. Wright, anyway?
That being said, Phoenix might still be a bit of a troll but the WAA is doing a lot better financially now that Trucy has those Sweet Gramarye rights and he’s not quite as mean to Apollo as he was back in Hobomode. So I get a feeling that even with this little runaround, Apollo is probably at least getting paid for chaperoning Trucy around?? Probably?
The actual case is actually a lot more clear cut. It is directly mentioned that Damian Tenma could probably afford lawyers much more prestigious than the WAA, it’s just a matter of the WAA being the only ones crazy enough to take on this ‘doomed’ case.
Trucy: Apollo! Maybe this is your chance. Apollo: Chance for what? Trucy: To do the right thing and defend Jinxie's dad in court! Apollo: Who, me? Wouldn't a man like Mayor Tenma have access to more experienced lawyers? Jinxie: Umm… You wanna know what the detectives said? They doubted there was a lawyer who could get a not-guilty verdict in this one.
And with Mayor Tenma’s personality being based around being almost overly-generous and grateful…
Tenma: How… incredibly… RUDE! Apollo: Umm, sorry. Did I do something to offend you? Tenma: A visitor when all others shun me like a common criminal! And here I am with nothing to offer! I am the epitome of rude! Apollo: (………Wait, so he wasn't mad at me?)
I feel like it is almost a certainty that Apollo and Athena did get paid for this case!
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.85
Turnabout Academy
Okay so, it’s Junie again! Or Junie for the first time depending on how you look at it!
So all of the points I already brought up about Juniper from ‘Countdown’ still apply (save for the stuff about Apollo, of course) but ALSO this is right when Athena and Juniper reunited and their whole emotional arc in this case is about Athena feeling Juniper is being Uncharacteristically Cold and Distant towards her. So defending her on a Friend Discount would be a bit strange at this point. Maybe I can see Athena trying to insist she’d do it for free but Juniper refused?
Although I think that IS a bit weird that they had this big whole scene with Professor ScaryStatue taking over Juniper’s case and the issue of payment doesn’t even come up in passing. I mean, yes obviously, the issues of Trust and Truth and Aristotle Means being Sus as Fuck are the important things in this narrative but I’m suprised there’s not even a mention in passing. Like Means accusing Athena and Apollo of wanting this case back for the Money but they refute him???
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.8
The Cosmic Turnabout
Okay, look, I know I keep bringing up the Larry Precedence but it really IS quite relevant. If Actual Overly-Sentimental Human Disaster Phoenix Wright tried to charge a rate for his childhood best friend who was drifting through life doing weird odd jobs at that time. - Then Apollo, who is generally more practical minded, is probably going to charge a rate for his older acquaintance with the stable Astronaut Job. And while Solomon is a bit of a Space Larry, I don’t think he’d try and avoid the payment in quite the same way. Probably.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
Turnabout for Tomorrow
This trial has Phoenix defending one of his own employees in a trial forced on by a hostage situation. I feel silly even extending this paragraph any longer.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.01
Turnabout Reclaimed
First things first, yes, an Orca cannot pay for an attorney - but I assume that the person who hired Phoenix is officially Sasha Buckler. Who IS a human being with her own funds capable of hiring a lawyer. Especially as we know that other lawyers turned her down specifically because her case is ridiculous (and not for financial reasons).
Phoenix: What's the real reason you picked me, Sasha? Buckler: …Well, to be honest, I asked a whole slew of lawyers, but they all refused. They said stuff like, "There's no merit to taking your case," or "I'm not sure I can help." They're all as cruel as sharks, with hearts punier than whitebait!
She does mention doing a performance as thanks at the ending of the trial but that’s probably no replacement for Actual Money.
But I think most notable for our analysis about this case, is not actually any of the Orca stuff - it’s this exchange right here.
Blackquill: Today, the orca. Tomorrow, Sasha Buckler. You intend to save them both? Hmph. You say you "believe" in your clients, but isn't money really your true motivation? Why not admit you're only doing this for your own benefit? I could understand that much more readily than your empty, righteous talk. Athena: Our own benefit?! That's not why we're doing it! Phoenix: Now, Athena. Try not to let him get to you.
Yet another rare case of the game Acknowledging Lawyers Are Paid As a General Rule! And notably, when Phoenix and Athena deny it, they don’t deny the fact that they are getting paid - just that it’s not why they’re doing this. This is not exactly an explicit confirmation of Getting Paid to get the score up to a full 1, but it’s probably as close as we’re gonna get.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.95
The Foreign Turnabout
Okay, so Phoenix basically just bursted into the Courtroom and bluffed his way onto the empty defense bench despite the protests of his own so-called Client. Said client also only started unlearning his Defense-Attorney-Hate during that same trial. And is ALSO a tiny little child who has to work part time as a tour-guide to make end’s meet. I highly doubt Phoenix asked for anything more than, like, a very token rate or maybe a discount on his next tour.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.1
The Magical Turnabout
Considering how this case has a WAA Lawyer defending the actual CEO of the WAA, I highly doubt the WAA got any money from it. But maybe Trucy could give him some of her personal funds as a token of gratitude?
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.2
The Rite of Turnabout
It’s MAYA TIME again! And while some consideration has to go to her bond with Phoenix or the possibility of some sort of Frequent Accused card the WAA issued for her - the fact that she is not currently a Coworker at the law office and has been an Actual Independent Adult for quite some time now means it is actually a lot more likely she’s able to pay Phoenix now than in any case in the Original Trilogy!
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.5
Turnabout Storyteller
This one’s a pretty average case. The Defendant is not a total stranger, but he is more of a friend-of-a-friend (and Simon was originally planning to get Apollo or Phoenix into the courtroom so the connection was even more distant when he contacted the WAA). He seems to be doing alright financially with his own noodle business, and he’s a pretty alright kinda guy. The only possible concern is that he’s too totally slushed to remember he’s supposed to pay his attorney. But then again, Simon might be ‘officially’ the one who hired the lawyer for the case.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.6
Turnabout Revolution
It’s time for the THREE CASES IN ONE SPECIAL!! Because we don’t just need to consider Dhurke’s trial, I think it’s only appropriate that we take into account both Apollo and Phoenix’s side of the civil case. They are both WAA Lawyers, after all.
On Apollo’s side, he is defending Datz Are'bal, an escaped prisoner/wanted revolutionary criminal in his own country hiding away in an abandoned building and making homemade lizard skewers for food- but Datz did apparently enter Japanifornia legally via legitimate means.
Apollo: What are the charges this time? Datz: Unauthorized entry, or something like that. They think I'm an illegal alien! And I can't prove otherwise ‘cause I lost my passport! Trucy: Is there any way they'd let you go? Datz: Not without my passport… If only I had it! Dhurke, AJ! You gotta find my passport! Apollo: …All right, we'll find it. (One more thing to add to our to-do list. Now, where might Datz's passport be?)
So he presumably has some sort of funds to pay Apollo for his legal services, at least a little bit.
And with him being Dhurke’s best friend and knowing that he also struggled financially to make end’s meet as a defense attorney at first - I would like to think that’ll incentivise him to support Apollo financially if he can?
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
Meanwhile on Phoenix’s side, while Phoenix uses the word ‘hire’ when talking about working for Atishon. Phoenix was once again coerced via kidnapping into the position of attorney.
And THIS time, there is no Assassin with a Code of Honor who might consider paying Phoenix a fair rate. Both Atishon and his ‘benefactor’ are sleazeballs who would not pay Phoenix a dime if they can get away with it. Plus, with this being a civil case, there might actually be a Contingency Basis going on when Phoenix basically quit and then they lose.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.001
And finally, the grand event of this case - the Trial of Dhurke!
So… Can a summoned undead spirit pay for an attorney? I suppose it’s probably easier in Khura'in than in other places. And it’ll mostly work the same as if the client died before the case finished, right? It’ll be considered a debt to be carried by their next of kin. Who in this case will be Nahyuta… but also maybe Apollo? Still, considering all of Dhurke’s living family ranges between ‘wealthy and well-respected’ and ‘Literal Royalty’ - I’m going to assume they’d be more than happy then to pay their Weird Brother for his help.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.75
Turnabout Time Traveler
And here we are! The last case, and a relatively straightforward one at that - at least compared to the last one lol!
Ellen herself does not have many funds as a housemaid, it seems - but since she literally just married one of the richest inventors in the world, I assume her husband is gonna cover the legal fees. The WAA Legal Team and Also Edgeworth and Ema also got an invite to the Wedding but I assume this is not instead of actual payment?
That is, of course, unless it’s technically Larry who hired Phoenix actually.
Then he’s never getting the goddam money he deserves for his labor.
Probability of Getting Paid: 0.7
Average Probability Score for All Cases (not counting the Zak Bonus Round): 0.51721875
So what have we learned today? I think that while the WAA’s reputation for basically giving away legal services for free is not entirely unearned, it is perhaps somewhat exaggerated. While there’s certainly a lot of Shennanigans and their rates are probably not high (especially not for people they know), they still get paid for a decent amount of high-profile cases. I mean, this Getting Paid Probability Score is over the 50% mark at least....
And… the odd thing is that the First Turnabout really is the only time the subject of the lawyer getting paid is really brought up directly. I get that it might, y’know, ruin the Drama if we acknowledge that our Brave Heroes are getting paid to save people from being convicted of a crime they didn’t commit - or on the other hand of the equation, that they should get paid cause They Need Money to Live. But still…
Is the fact that the only time payment is brought up directly is when Larry isn’t paying Phoenix a bad sign for the general financial situation of our Anime Lawyers? Or is it actually a good sign? Like, that they only mention Larry not paying implying that every time it is not mentioned that means the client did pay them?
#ace attorney#aa#pwaa#phoenix wright#phoenix wright ace attorney#gyakuten saiban#aa1#aa2#aa3#aa4#aa5#aa6#justice for all#ace attorney justice for all#aa jfa#trials and tribulations#apollo justice#apollo justice ace attorney#ajaa#dual destinies#gyakuten saiban 4#gyakuten saiban 5#spirit of justice#aa soj
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23 and Me by yeah_alright
Larry & Nouis & Lilo & Zouis | 315 words | Explicit
Louis only works for about 30 minutes on March 15 each year, just enough time for his short but intense Ides of March special: Impale Caesar! 60 people surround him, 23 of whom have paid extra for the honor of stabbing their dicks into one of his holes.
Part 13 of the Glory Hole-idays series.
#Beware the filthy Ides of March!#Impale Caesar!#a shorty this time so the nouis and lilo and zouis are especially brief#tracksintheam#1dficlibrary#ficsfor4am#my fic#23 and me
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Wanted to request a funny one.. s/o slams their hand against the wall and flirts aggressively with them (AKA Kabedon pose), 😏😏😏😏😏😏 which would be even funnier if their partner is ridiculously taller/more dominant than they are. Pokemen are wondering why their smol partner is so feisty all of a sudden.
Can I request this with nanu, giovanni, larry and cyrus?
cw: some suggestive flirting, short reader
characters: Nanu, Giovanni, Cyrus, Larry
🐈⬛️Nanu❤️🩹
🌑 The Kahuna was zoned out as he leaned against the wall of the Po Town police station. His mind was so thoroughly out of it that he hardly paid any mind to when you approached him. It was around noon by that time, so maybe you were going to ask him for a lunch date. Before he could even find the energy to ask the question, however, you had suddenly slammed your hand on the wall next to his head while looking up at him. He cocked up a brow. What was this? Were you mad at him? He could not recall anything that he had done that could have attracted your ire. You spoke soon enough. “Why don't you let me break your hip, old man?” The question paired with the tone in which you spoke – some odd attempt at seductive masculine and domineering. Just what had gotten into you?
🌑 Nanu was not the tallest man, but you were still under his height, trying to intimidate him and flirt with him. He deadpanned at your words, opting to debate what this was. Break his hip? Well, he cannot say that you had not tried to, but usually, you were the one begging him to ruin you. He ticked his tongue and gave you a dark look. “Well,” his lazy manner of speaking held something under it, “Why don't you try?” Your composure fell right through at that as you had to look away from him laughing. He rolled his eyes. A change-up here and there was not so bad, he assumed.
🚀Giovanni🐈
🟥 The Rocket Boss had been leaning against a wall. His mind was debating how to handle a current nuisance who was trying so desperately to ruin his plans. Grunts had proven uniformly useless, but he did not exactly want to expend the precious time of his executives of a child. Your presence had been noted when you entered his office. He may have been lost in thought, but he was always aware of his surroundings. This only made the next actions you took all the more strange. You walked up to him and slammed your hand next to his head while looking up at him. He was “trapped” between you in the wall. His brow cocked up at you. What was this? Betrayal? Likely not. “Something on your mind?” you asked in a forced overly masculine tone, “Is it me?” Giovanni's expression was unamused.
🟥 He stood over you. Not by much, but by enough that he still had to look down at you. Something in his mind recognises this as a form of flirting. What from, he would rather not force himself to recall. Instead, he just let out a sigh. “Are you the one interrupting my plans again?” His voice was deep and authoritative, “If so…” He quickly reversed the situation, pinning to the wall, his hand next to your head. His signature smirk was on his lips as his eyes were lidded. “Then you are.” You swallowed, clearly having not expected this. Giovanni let you go soon enough, having had his fun alongside you having your own. He then assigned you to go handle the child sabotaging his current project.
🌌Cyrus🛰
☄️ The Galactic Boss had been distracted by emails on his tablet. His fingers typed out replies as frustration ate at his mind. How incompetent could they be? So lost was he in his frustration that he missed you creeping into the living room. You saw an opportunity in the distracted man. Trapping him, you slammed your hand against the wall next to his head as you pushed him against it. Cyrus put down his tablet to stare at you strangely. What in the world were you doing? His face remained stoic, but his eyes clearly held confusion. “… You got somewhere to be after this?” you asked him, attempting a husky and flirty tone. The blue-haired man's eyes then narrowed.
☄️ He looked down at you – the man was self-admittedly tall. Nearly everyone he met had to look up at him, and you were no exception. Your behaviour was odd and unsettling to him. What were you attempting to do here? Dominate him? Why? He had literally just been sending emails. Everything about the current situation was simply incomprehensible to him. “… I'm not returning back to the office tonight,” he gave a serious reply and stood over you, breaking out of the “pin” you had him in. Shaking his head, he finally allowed him a single question. “What are you doing, beloved?” it came out alongside a sigh. You burst into laughter and embraced him. He never got an answer. This situation haunts him for a while.
💼Larry🏢
🍙 The salaryman had gone into one of his moods. He stood outside the Treasure Eatery with his mind elsewhere. People passed him by and shot concerned looks at him as he stood unmoving and staring at the sky with a distant expression. This provided ample time for you to trap the middle-aged man against the exterior of the building, hand slamming down beside his head. That forced Larry back to reality, who stared at you in bewilderment. What was this? He blinked a few times, feeling similarly to when Geeta had apparently decided to voice her displeasure with him. You smirked at him. “Want to go to my place after this?” you asked him in a husky tone. Larry tilted his head like his Staraptor would. Your place… Your shared apartment? He was confused beyond words.
🍙 He looked down at you, having a bit of height on you. His face returned to its usual tired expression. What had gotten into you? Pinning him to the wall of a restaurant and asking him if he wanted to go to your place… Flirting? Why were you flirting with him? You two were already in a relationship… “Does that imply that I was not going to be allowed back in?” he questioned. You pulled away, unable to keep up the act any more. You burst into uncontrollable laughter, as Larry remained bewildered. He was now a bit concerned that you would lock him out, but that was soothed when you clung to him. Rika is later asked about this situation. She, too, burst out in laughter.
#pokemon x reader#nanu x reader#giovanni x reader#larry x reader#cyrus x reader#pokemon/reader#pokemon nanu x reader#pokemon larry x reader#pokemon cyrus x reader#pokemon giovanni x reader#nanu/reader#larry/reader#cyrus/reader#giovanni/reader
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The inspiration to this came from many military movies I had to watch for a topic I had to research on.
Military Yunho
🪖|"𝑾𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔"©
Greeting -
It is the year 1963. The South Korea America war was going on. You were a civilian in America, from Korea..
You weren't rich enough for a TV so you heard through the radio in a store you worked in. 'The Korean Army is going to attack today. Rumor has it that they will go through the border and into the country. But the American Army is most definitely stro-' Just then, the radio cut off signals and gun shots were heard. A bunch of soldiers ambushed the store and before you knew it you'd been shot multiple times.
***
Yunho was holding his rifle, his head and face covered in camo and protected. He was checking if anyone dangerous was in the shopping areas. They had gotten a leak about a possible spy..
Yunho decided to check 'Larry's Retails' the store you were in. Yunho sort of felt pity for the dead people there. But that's when he laid eyes on the most beautiful person ever. You were Korean. You looked Korean. How could his own men shoot you?! "Holy mother of God.. You're breathing.."
He knew you wouldn't respond. You had bled a lot and you were unconscious. Just like that, Yunho picked you up and slung you over his shoulder, and rushed out with his gun.
When you woke up, bandaged and at the Base, Yunho was instantly told of it. He wanted to talk to you. For questioning.. of course. "I saw your worker ID.. Your name is {{user}} I suppose." He sat down on a stool, still wearing his camo print uniform "Now, {{user}}. What are you, a Korean doing in America. Are you perhaps a dirty little spy?!"
So the military did believe the leak. But they thought you was a spy just because you were a Korean in the USA. "Ratting out all our information to the American Goverment?! Tell me. What's your real name. Who do you work for? How much are you being paid?"
Description -
Jeong Yunho was born in Gwangju, South Korea, on March 23 1938, making him currently 25. He is an Aries. He was the Lieutenent General for the South Korean Military in the 1960s. He has fought in the Vietnamese war and is so far the youngest Korean Lieutenent.
#ateez#character ai#ateez smut#fypage#fypシ#original character#yeosang#yeosang smut#ateez yeosang#wooyoung smut#wooyoung fluff#san smut#san fluff#seonghwa fluff#park seonghwa smut#hongjoong smut#hongjoong fluff#ateez mingi#mingi smut#mingi fluff#yunho fluff#yunho smut#ateez yunho#jeong yunho#yunho#yunho x reader#jongho fluff#jongho smut#character ai bot#thank you for the ask!
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SFTH Chaotic Highlights (Long Johns - STRIKE!)
The 5th longform commentary
Tom deciding 'yeah let's go for rhyming names, why not? I'm sure there will be no chance of future confusion!'
"We've been through a lot together" *coughs up blood* Such a funny 'that escalated quickly' moment because it's played so fucking casually too, just 'this is where you die' AJ characters stop not giving a shit challenge
"The hardest strike we've ever done, straight into the heart of London.. to take out the cops" "Jesus fucking hell- YEP THAT'S WHAT WE DID" Tom was so underprepared for this turn of events but fuck it's too late now
"You unfortunately got shot" "I'm aware" Yeah bro I think the dying man is well aware of the shitty situation at hand
Not the spit in AJ's face followed by an eyebrow raise, Tom I thought you were the exception to the spitting bit-
"Whatever happens from here" "I know what's gonna happen" Not to bring emotion into this comedic death sequence, but I'm getting adjacent vibes to that one scene from Falsettos. No I will not be clarifying, watch it if you haven't, it's available on youtube for free
"Cause I wanna hear about you right now, yeah" EVER HEARD OF FEMINISM- Oh wait he's a guy this time, nevermind
"Listen.. About your wife?" "What?? Wait a minute-" Tom 100% thought Jerry and Terry were lovers, he's like 'where did this heterosexuality come from??'
"Followed the blood all the way to Dagenham" "Where is he?" Constable, he just fucking told you
The fact it's canon DI Constable is butt ass naked from the waist down until the very end of the story is honestly more disturbing to me than the recent nymph sex scene
"Which one's left alive, is it Jerry or Terry?" "...." Oh no, name confusion! What an unforeseen turn of events for two character names one letter apart-
You know how fucking hilarious it would've been if AJ/Officer Exposition said the wrong name in this scene?
Somewhat off-topic, but I love the nonsensical police names they come up with. Officer Exposition is currently high in my rankings, but nothing's ever gonna beat Doohickey for giving Luke my current favorite insulting nickname to call people
Ah yes, 'tidilly-dee' the universal onomatopoeia for two school children running around
Imagining two 7 year olds walking into a bar, climbing onto the bar stools to order some alcohol, and the bartender just looks at them for a second before deciding 'fuck it I'm not paid enough anyway' and serves them
"I've been in discussions with the Czech-onon-vla-slovakians" The who?
"The French and the Czechoslovakians are really good at striking. Put those two together and no one will get any work done again. Because France is famous for strikes and Czechoslovakia I don't think exists anymore" I didn't know my geography and had to google it to be sure, but nope it definitely doesn't exist anymore, good job AJ
Love that it became a rule for all the characters to have names that also rhyme with Jerry and Terry
"Oui. I am sexy" Once again, we know Tom. You remind us in every play you're in
"You take a roasted pig, you butter it up, haha!" Yeah. Yeah alright, I'm sure that phrase exists somewhere. Probably not Czechoslovakia-
I genuinely forgot they were at a bar and for a split second I thought Harry just stepped into the bartender's pants Tony/Meth Wife style
"I'll just check with Officer Exposition" I wish they got a chance to use that joke more, that's good shit
"Ahh, A stand-off" *facepalms* "Ugh the other one had half a brain" I've said it before, but the boys taking a chance to call AJ stupid while in character will never not be funny
Okay but actually, the mistake of Tom/Larry getting shot turning into Terry having people on the inside was pretty good- Love when AJ gets to salvage a scene instead of fuck shit up lmao
"I was a rich and deep character!" Then they proceeded to ignore his please for help smh #larrydeservedbetter
You were the only one that could never get in my long johns" Is. Is this an innuendo- "As much as I tried, even when we were little kids" AJ WAIT-
"Now you do this by the book-" "AAaeEEhhH!" I don't think that's gonna hold up in a court of law, Constable
"Why don't you keep the law out of it then?" If I've been keeping up, sir, you are the law so I don't think that's an option
"He's killed 5 of our men, 6 if you include Larry from this morning!" #JUSTICEFORLARRY OFC WE'RE COUNTING HIM
"Alright, what if I make a promise, but wink at you" Bro really wants to beat the shit out of Terry
"Pinky swear.. The most sacred bond a Met officer can do" Damn right
Did Luke intentionally choose a name similar to his own or did he just say 'DI Mannering' without thinking-
"Do I make you nervous?" "I'm pissing my fucking pants" "Jesus, no need to be weird about it" How many times have you spit in Sam's face and/or mouth you hypocritical fuck (/lh)
Putting gibberish into Google Maps just to make sure the long johns aren't in a place called 'bahbababahbah'
"You know where I'm gonna hit so hard? Your heart" Made me briefly question whether AJ was about to turn this into a gay love story and come full circle from that bit in the beginning
Hey this was Sam's first 'What a twist!'
Another visualization I'd love to see is gradeschool Terry chasing Jerry and Mannering around with a pair of long johns
HE FUCKING BROKE THE PINKY SWEAR, THE MOST SACRED BOND A MET OFFICER CAN DO
And AJ saying "Do it" like he always does was funny too
Terry: "Any officer who loses control in the interrogation room is immediately relieved of their duty" The Actual Cop: "what..?"
"Actually you have two choices" No no, you were right the first time. he has one choice, PUT ON SOME FUCKING PANTS MANNERING
"I can feel it now, the power of the long john" Apparently the power of the long john is turning its wearer French
"Dark ending" "I'm happy with it though" Ending off with deja vu from the Meringue Haberdashery
Final Thoughts: Honestly the only final thought I have is that the man had no reason to be pantsless that whole time, that is not okay-
#sfth#shoot from the hip#sfth chaotic highlights#sfth luke#sfth sam#sfth tom#sfth aj#long johns - strike!
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A fic rec of One Direction fics with a fake/pretend relationship during Christmas holidays as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!
— Louis/Harry —
🎄 Mistletoe's For Two by crimsontheory / @ireallysawanangel
(E, 90k, enemies to lovers) After an encounter in a coffee shop with the rudest man he's ever met, Louis hopes the city is just big enough that he'll never bump into him again. When he spots that man at a bar the following evening, a plan begins to form.
🎄 Let Our Hearts Collide by @crinkle-eyed-boo
(M, 76k, While You Were Sleeping au) When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he's been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne's family believing that Harry is engaged to their son.
🎄 Chestnuts Roasting... And All That by elsi_bee / @elsi-bee
(M, 46k, roommates) It’s not a big deal to just tell his new colleagues that he has a boyfriend, right? Until he has to make this imaginary boyfriend magically appear at the office holiday party.
🎄 I Keep Looking For Magic by @lululawrence
(NR, 36k, strangers to lovers) Harry loves Christmas, but this year is special. After ten years of boyfriends all failing to ever meet Harry's family, Harry has a fiance to introduce and things are looking like they will be perfect. Until they break up.
🎄 Harry, Did You Know (that your baby boy, is married to his best friend?) by tempolarriefics / @tempolarriefix
(E, 35k, marriage pact) 10 years ago, Louis and Zayn made a pact that if they weren't married by 30, they'd marry each other. So they do, as best mates do.
🎄 Find You Home by @kingsofeverything
(E, 35k, roommates) When Louis lies to his family and says he’ll bring his new boyfriend home for Christmas, his best friend and roommate Harry agrees to play the part. It’s that, or be left alone over the holidays.
🎄 From the Start by @allwaswell16
(E, 32k, viral video) Louis has no idea that one act of kindness will cause his life to spiral out of control. But that's what happens when his new friend fake proposes to him and a video of it goes viral.
🎄 Lovin' you is a gift by @softfonds
(E, 25k, Pretty Woman au) With his 28th birthday approaching, Louis was looking forward to celebrating in New York City with an all-expenses paid trip. He just didn't expect to spend it with an escort when he suddenly finds himself single a few days before it.
🎄 under the rain or under the snow by MquietMiNd
(E, 20k, exes) Christmas AU where they broke up a month ago but Harry shows up at Louis’ childhood home for the holidays.
🎄 Wrapped in Red by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird
(T, 15k, strangers to lovers) Louis backs himself into a corner and has two days to find a date to bring to the Horan Family's big annual Christmas party to both appease his mother, and show up an ex-boyfriend.
🎄 The Christmas Lift by @homosociallyyours
(G, 13k, neighbors) Louis lies about having a boyfriend to avoid being set up on a blind date by an overzealous co-worker, but now he's in desperate need of a fake boyfriend for his office holiday party.
🎄 the fake zarry au (series) by zita17 / @louisandtheaquarian
(M, 13k, famous/not famous) A fake dating with a twist famous/not-famous enemies to friends to secret lovers where Larry and Ziam fall in love behind the scenes while Zarry bicker in public.
🎄 Not Another Lonely Christmas by @haztobegood
(E, 8k, set up) the one where the friend Niall sets up as Harry's fake boyfriend turns out to be Gemma's best friend Louis
🎄 A Story For the Ages by @fallinglikethis
(NR, 7k, strangers to lovers) After seven months of pretending to have a boyfriend in order to keep his mum from meddling in his love li fe again, he should have realized he’d have to actually introduce her to someone eventually.
🎄 A Boyfriend for Christmas by Chelsea Frew / @chelsea-frew
(G, 5k, strangers to lovers) Louis' co-worker, Gemma, asks Louis to be her date for Christmas dinner.
🎄 Christmas Pretenders by @larryatendoftheday
(T, 4k, baker Harry) When Niall convinced Louis to come home with him for the holidays as his fake boyfriend, he never expected he'd run into the loveliest man he'd ever seen.
— Rare Pairs —
🎄 'Cause I Could Be The One by justyrae
(M, 14k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) "Just remember," Louis says, gently touching Nick's wrist before he can open the front door. "You're proper in love with me, no matter how much of a dick I can be."
🎄 Snowflakes & Mistletoe by Justonebreathx
(E, 5k, Zayn/Liam) Liam is in desperate need of a fake boyfriend for his company's Christmas dinner, so he puts an ad on Craigslist thinking that’s the only way he can find one.
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People often forget that major industry figures, like Jeff, weren’t necessarily personal friends of Harry first. It’s not like Jeff is Harry’s personal Oli, just there for him without any business interests. //
But weren’t Jeff and Irving supposed to have adopted him into their family in 2013? It wasn’t an automatic business relationship since the beggining because Harry didn’t sign anything until 2016. I thought Jeff wanted to help Harry gain more freedom.
What 😂😂 Adopted? hahah where did this idea even come from?
From what I recall, during 2014–2015, Harry was seen a lot with Jeff, in particular. They seemed very, very close! At the time, I think most people (larries and non-larries) believed Full Stop was kind of there to save them from Modest. I fully believe they were involved in some sort of negotiation in that regard, but as we know, both Syco and Modest had very rigid contracts, so they ended up stuck with them until the end. Still, I do wonder if the outcome we saw was influenced by Full Stop... and that things could have been much worse without them.
But anyway, Harry is clearly very close to Jeff and Irving on a personal level. All I’m saying is that it’s very naive to think their relationship didn’t start from a professional connection first. I do believe Jeff was already working for Harry during that time, and their closeness developed from there. But I mean... believe whatever you want, anon. Just don’t be naive enough to think Jeff or his father were “helping” anyone out of the kindness of their hearts. It’s literally their job to “help” artists, and they get paid for it.
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type o negative for KERRANG! Magazine (1997),

transcription:
THE KERRANG! CHALLENGE
The trivia stars love to hate
This weeks contestants are…
Name: Type O Negative
Occupation: Goth metal minstrels
Specialist subject: General doom and gloom
1/ Who wrote the story 'The Tell Tale Heart'?
Pete Steele: "Edgar Allen Poe."
2/ Who played Dracula in Francis Ford Coppola's version of the film?
Pete: "We are not media whores - we don't care.”
Johnny Kelly: "It was the guy who played Sid in "Sid And Nancy', Gary Oldman."
3/ How many pints af blood are in the average human body?
Pete: "It depends on the size of the individual, doesn't it? l'd say 14.”
Josh Silver: “There are 12 pints of Heineken in my body, if that’s any help.”
4/ What is the average speed of male ejaculation?
Josh: “What’s yours? How do you measure it?”
Pete: “Thirty miles an hour.”
Johnny Kelly: “I’ve never really paid attention to it.”
5/ What is the opening track on Slayer’s classic “Reign in Blood” album?
Johnny: “Isn’t that ‘Angel of Death’?”
6/ Who will be drumming with Black Sabbath on this summer's Ozz-Fest tour?
Josh: "Johnny Kelly!"
Johnny: "Unfortunately not. It's Mike Bordin from Faith No More.”
7/ Who is the Prime Minister of Britain?
Pete: “John Major.”
Kerrang!: “No, we’ve had an election recently.”
Pete: “I’ve had an erection recently too…”
8/ What is the name of Courtney Love’s character in ‘The People Vs Larry Flynt’?
Josh: “Slut?”
Johnny: “Mrs. Flynt.”
9/ Which 'Friends' star appears in Wes Craven's ‘Scream'?
Pete: "There are no stars in "Friends'."
Johnny: "It was the girl who appeared in that Bruce Springsteen video 'Dancing In The Dark, Courteney Cox."
Pete: "These are all media questions, they have no relevance to the real world. Ask us about science or something real. You look enough like Thomas Dolby so you're bound to know something about science...
10/ Certainly. What is the chemical symbol for iron?
Pete: "Fe."
11/ Who is the heir to the throne of England?
Josh: "Is it me?"
Pete: "Is it Michael Jackson? Or Bubbles the Chimp? You English f* *kers can't get enough of Jacko...”
Johnny: "It's Charles."
Josh: "We heard his wife was a lesbian. Princess Bi…”
12/ If a plane crashes on the border between Switzerland and Italy who would have legal responsibility for burying the survivors?
Pete: "The Germans."
Johnny: "The survivors don't get buried.“
Pete: "The Germans would bury them anyway...”
13/ Name three of the bands who played alongside you on the second stage at Donington last year?
Johnny: "Korn, 3 Colours Red and Everclear."
Pete: "He can't spell his own name, yet he can remember trivial shit like that."
Kenny Hickey: "Did you trim your c**t?"
Kerrang!: Eh?
14/ Name the new David Lynch film.
Johnny: “Lost Highway."
Josh: "Johnny, you're the man.”
15/ Which London Underground tube line is Brixton on?
Johnny: "The red one."
Josh: "I can't understand a f**king word you say, man.”
16/ Which actor appeared as Darth Vader in 'Star Wars', and which other actor overdubbed his voice?
Josh: "Boris Karloff."
Johnny: "James Earl Jones did the voice. I know that the guy who actually wore the suit is f**king broke, but I don't know his name."
17/ Which three letters are tattooed on Jonathan Davis' arm?
Johnny: "HIV."
18/ What is coprophilia?
Pete: "That's when you enjoy having someone shit on you during sex.*
19/ What is the clotting agent in blood?
Pete: "Platelets."
20/ What is James Bond's secret agent code number?
Johnny: “007."
21/ Which two baxers contested the 'Bumble in the Jungle'?"
Johnny: "George Foreman and Ali."
22/ Who recorded the song 'Negative Creep"?
Pete: "White Zombie?"
Johnny: "No, Nirvana."
23/ Which UK ska band was fronted by legendary vocalist Buster Bloodvessel?
Pete: "You're making this shit up now, man. Buster f**king Bloodvessel... Is it the UK Subs?"
24/ Who recorded the album 'lf You Want Blood'?
Johnny: "AC/DC."
25/ Who directed the movie 'Blood Simple'?
Pete: "Enough of this f"*king media shit..."
Quizmaster: Paul Brannigan
HOW TYPE O NEGATIVE SCORED
17 out of 25
THE VERDICT
A top performance from Johnny Kelly disproves the notion that all drummers are thick and earns Type 0 mid-table respectability.
#josh silver#johnny kelly#kenny hickey#peter steele#type o negative#i love josh silver#i love type o negative#goth#gothic metal#gothic doom metal#doom metal#joshsilverseyebrow#peter ratajczyk
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