#Lapis doesn’t talk about his feelings he steals instead

[smulie]

The Debrief.

D: The class was very informative.

L: Uh-huh.

D: I learned so much.

L: Mmh same - just jammed packed full of facts.

D: Crazy that I may throw up, piss or shit myself the day of. Imagine? An actual Trifecta of Horrors! In a room full people no less.

L: Yea…wait what?

D: I knew you were checked out! Which fair - your ex was the one teaching the class.

L: Sorry.

D: We should talk about it.

L: Don’t really want to.

D: “Clear and responsive communication helps foster a healthy nurturing environment for your baby.” But I get it. That had to be quite a shock seeing her again. Know that I understand and I’ll be waiting to listen when you’re ready.

L: Thanks babe, really thank you.

D: No worries. Now - I’m thinking tacos but specifically tacos from El Rícon.

L: Hon - that’s in Sulani.

D: Mmhmm. While we’re there, we should probably stop by and say hi to your folks. And maybe let them know about baby bear?

L: (heavy sigh) How bad do you want these tacos?

D: (in her best Jennifer Coolidge voice) Real bad!

previous/next

[flokali]

♦︎ SAGAU Thoughts

….

Warnings: Cult AU, Religious AU, mentions of war, possible spoilers, etc. Ask to tag!

A/N: you guys thought i forgot about sagau or rem/vita didn’t you?

– All on-going wars seem to have stopped, at least to the public and you. However the Tsaritsa’s plan to steal all the Gnosis is very much still occurring, it’s just became harder to collect them. There is also tension between the Abyss order, which has halted its plans – at least, that’s what they alleged – and the Seven, and the Tsaritsa very much still plans to take down Celestia, however there are new, more complex motivations since you’re now involved in the equation.

For example, the Abyss order hopes to take down the Seven and Celestia, defaming them by exposing their nature and past actions, and restore Khaen’ria with you as its new head, meanwhile the Tsaritsa and her Harbingers hope to take destroy Celestia with the power of the Archons and build a new world, once again, with you and the Tsaritsa as its rulers.

– Since you have access to the teleport points, because let’s be honest, exploring Teyvat without them must be hellish, you’re also expected to be able to divide your time between the Seven Nations. Realistically, since they view you as a higher and wiser power, you’ll be consulted for all sorts of affairs such as politics, culture, the arts, and even the economy. Because of the amount of power you hold and how valuable your input is to them – even if you have no idea what you’re talking about – it’s likely your schedule has been adjusted with this in mind by the Archons and the Qixing, unfortunately this translates into having days where you won’t be able to so much as breathe for too long without messing up the time slots and you’ll have painfully uneventful days where you’re nothing but a glorified idol who’s wondered the same halls for the ninth time that day.

– With your arrival, Zhongli probably didn’t step down as an archon but rather is taking an “indefinite break”. He probably could have gotten away with retiring but it would have strippen him of too many privileges in regards to being with you, privileges he doesn’t want to hand over, so instead he’s order a contract with the Qixing that states he – as Rex Lapis, and now as Zhongli too – is still the Archon of Liyue but has given the harbor over to them for a “trial” period. This allows him to cease power if he thinks they’re getting too out of hand or if he feels his spot by your side is being endangered.

– Celestia is neutral about your existence, however many average citizens seem to think you’re both working together; only the Archons and the Abyss Order know you and Celestia work apart.

The Twin and the rest of the Abyss dislike how it has taken your name as its own, it only further fuels their distaste towards them and the Archons since they also don’t try and correct the mistake.

– We, as players, know how the wishing system works alongside the concept of event/limited-time banners, but the people who are in the game have virtually no clue what that is.

I imagine that they must have come up with some sort of an explanation, here’s my little take; it’s basically a prayer to them.

What I mean is, quite literally, that they pray to you, the player, to fulfill a “wish” of theirs — which in most cases is to be closer to you for guidance, comfort, and so on. When you pull for a character and get them, to them, it’s basically you answering their prayer and coming to them - a mutual bond of sorts. It’s less about if they want to come or if they believe in you - we’re going with the “all playable characters + The Fatui (Scara included) + Archons + Dainsleif + The abyss twin + most of Teyvat in general'' believe in you in different extents but extents nonetheless approach.

The minute they become accessible to you it’s sort of a semi-meditation-state where via their wish and Vision (yes, Vision — we’ll go with the idea that Celestia is somehow connected to you or the Vision also working as an asset that favors them in religious-ways) they manage to establish a “connection” with you where you’re temporarily sharing consciousness and controlling their body; they’re fully aware of what’s going which is why idle lines and animations are still playing, however it’s a painless and overly-euphoric state that could - in theory - become addictive, thus making characters you’ve pulled and used often become more delusional and attached to you compared to others and why sometimes you can still end up getting the same character even if you’ve already got them, aka constellations and dupes – the constellations act as a limit of wishes Celestia allows them to have, but when they appear even after you C6 them it’s kind of a testament of their devotion.

This is also why Visions are kind of a big deal, not only are they connections between the Archons, Celestia, and the user but you as well.

Characters such as Dainsleif - who don’t have a vision -, Scara - who we don’t know if he has a vision, delusion or what-not - and Baizhu who aren’t playable it’s less of a “we don’t believe in you” and more of a “we are so busy with other shit we literally cannot become vessels… yet”. Any character who hasn’t been released yet - could be considered to be “going on a journey” until they can become vessels, knowingly or not. Those who won’t become playable are a whole different story for another post entirely, but we could say it’s a “punishment” - at least, in La Signora’s case for possibly “betraying” Celestia or being too much of a danger to them.

Banners are similar, the standard banner is basically the “we are literally ready 24/7 for any blessing, lord help us” – basically, their prayers are more vague and easily answered.

Take Jean for example, her wish is to keep Mondstatd safe via being the best Acting Grandmaster and Dandelion Knight she possibly can — that’s a wish that’s easily accessible in the day to day in-game life compared to, let’s say, Raiden who’s a literal god having to repent for her past-mistakes. Of course, this logic doesn’t always apply - we can even go and tweak the explanation for each Event Banner. Standard banner = more achievable wishes, Event Banners = Harder – % up’s aren’t completely random and have more to do with the character’s importance in that moment - we know banners are loosely tied with whatever event is going on in-game, therefore we could say that it’s during the moment where the character are the spotlight that there wishes are given priority. In their eyes, they probably get told by the preachers something along the lines of: “In times of change, where our future feels the most uncertain, it’s that our Grace bestows us with their presence” or something.

The four-stars are similar, their wishes tend to be “easily achievable” and tend to be more… normal you could say. Compare Thoma who wants to protect and be loyal to the Kamisato Clan to Ayato or Ayaka’s wish to create a safe and happy Inazuma for all of the people, even Sara who’s main devotion is towards the Shogun has more achievable goals than someone like Kokomi who wanted to stop a whole decree and was an integral part of a literal civil war or even Zhongli who is a former Archon, Prime of the Adepti, who literally created a whole economy and city who is now a retired funeral employee who is keeping the progress of a whole harbor/city in check. I’m rambling here but you get the gist; four stars tend to have more “tame” and “ordinary” goals, while five stars are kind of… really, concerningly, ambitious.

In a way, being a five star AND an exclusive event banner character is kind of a curse for the characters, for the player it’s more of a “damn, Hoyoverse really wants us to spend money on this limited time character, huh?” but to the character it’s a whole religious/identity crisis akin to a “I am unworthy of my God’s love and there’s something literally wrong with me”.

[witch-hazels-musings]

Trust

This story is a bit of my own ramblings and interpretation (Lumine, poor baby, I felt all this for you) of the chapter quest, “A New Star Approaches” -- while I am a sucker for the ‘rival to lovers’ trope… I really have a love hate relationship with Childe. His true character doesn’t show he has any kindness to the traveler, and, while other story missions with him seem to make him more appealing, I still can’t trust him. Anyway, here is another story. 

Summary: 

After fighting Childe in the Golden House, it’s revealed that Rex Lapis is still alive! And he’s none other than the Funeral Parlors own patron! Lumine’s trust is shattered, and she feels more alone than she did before. 

Genre: angst / hurt

Potential Spoilers?*

Lumine x Childe / Zhongli 

Lumine and Paimon rush through the doors of the Golden House, beads of sweat dropping to the floor. The large room is filled with piles of glittering mora, which Paimon can’t help but notice. After a quick reminder of why they were there in the first place, they can’t help but notice the surprising lack of millilith. A worry passes through Lumine as she spots the suspended body of Rex Lapis at the other end of the hall. With haste she runs toward the large dragon's body.

“Well, well …” Childe’s voice echos about the room. “I didn’t expect to see you both here. Shouldn’t you be bounding around Liyue looking for items for the ritual?’” His tone is dark, all the playfulness and gentleness he usually embodies replaced with annoyance. He ascended the stairs in front of the altar, stopping but a few feet in front of the two. 

“I must thank you for your hard work though. If you hadn’t spent all that time setting up the, ‘Rite of Parting,’” he spoke the words as if they tasted bad in his mouth, “I wouldn’t have been able to gather all the information I needed.”

Lumine couldn’t wrap her head around what she was hearing, what she was seeing. Childe had been the one to help them, he saved her from the Millilith… he was a Fatui sure, but he was different… wasn’t he? 

“You were planning on stealing the Gnosis from inside the Exuvia this whole time!?” Piamon shouted, her voice surrounding them in the grand hall. 

“It is my duty after all…” he started, “the Tsaritsa gets what she wants.” With a sigh he placed his hands on his hips. His exasperation was apparent. 

I can’t believe this, Lumine thought. The anger rising from her stomach into her throat. She had let her guard down, let this person close to her, and … trusted him. If he thought for one second he’d be able to take the Gnosis from this Archon, she was about to prove him wrong. 

“I won’t let you …” she hissed through clenched teeth. 

“Oh Comrad, I don’t need your blessing. If it were up to me we wouldn’t have gone through all the niceties in the first place.” His arms lifted into a shrug, a smile inching across his face. 

“If you think you can win against me, you’re delusional.” The anger Lumine felt had moved from the pit of her stomach into every nook and cranny. Her hands tightened over her sword, the blood in her veins pumping in preparation of the fight she rightfully deserved. She was going to make sure he felt the pain she was experiencing. She only further cemented her nerve as Childe’s laughter faded into the deep shadows of the Golden House. 

“Fighting talk,” he retorted, reaching for his weapons, “I love it!.”

And with that the silence of the Golden House was filled with the sounds of metal striking metal. 

With one final strike, Lumine sends Childe rolling across the broken floor of the once pristine building.   

“Wow, that was … unexpected.” He says through heavy breaths. “It’s been a long time since I had such a fantastic match like that.” 

“This method of yours isn’t the best way to make friends,” Paimon states, her own irritation peaking through. 

“Ha, well, yes. Anyway, it seems the Gnosis was never here in the first place.” 

Paimon and Lumine look at eachother, confused. “What do you mean,” Paimon chimes in. 

“It seems I was mistaken thinking you two would be involved in knowing anything about the Gnosis. Which tells me I might need to go back to the beginning, huh…” he says the last sentence under his breath, turning his head as if in deep thought.

“Are you … are you telling me Rex Lapis is alive!?” Lumine shouts, her heart still beating rapidly from the fight. 

“Hmm, we just might see.” He said with a tired smile before summoning a whirlwind of sigils. “I guess we'll just have to call upon the Geo Archon another way! How about … with an old rival?” In a flash Childe was gone, the sigils surrounding him slowly faded away into nothing. 

----

The sky began to clear and the rain, which only a few moments ago was pouring, had slowed to a soft drizzle. Members of the Adepti and Qixing stood at the dock looking out over the settling waves where they caught the last glimpses of the Jade Chamber dipping below the ocean. 

With the present danger now quelled, there was still one last thing on Lumine’s mind. Who is Rex Lapis, and where is he? While the Adepti and Qixing members discuss their next moves for the Rite of Parting, Lumine set’s off to find Zhongli. He must have some clues as to where Rex Lapis could be hiding. 

After receiving word from the receptionist at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor that Zhongli headed to Northland Bank a few minutes ago, Lumine and Paimon reluctantly head there. If only she had prepared herself for what she’d find. 

Upon entering Northland Bank, Lumine saw Signora, Childe, and Zhongli speaking together. 

“What…?” the words fell out of her mouth upon seeing the three of them. Maybe she was imagining things? What could Zhongli have to do with Signora!? She was a Harbingers, and the worst of them all! “What is happening …” she stuttered, anger building in her stomach again. 

Childe opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Signora. 

“You remember the agreement, Morax.” She stated, looking back at Zhongli. “Now, if you would be so kind,” she stretched out her hand, “the Gnosis please.” 

“What in the world are you talking about!?” Paimon shouted, causing the other patrons of the Northland Bank to stare. 

“The contract is now completed. That which thou seek is now bestowed upon you, as my promise is as solid as stone.” Zhongli’s words were void of emotion. His statements were matter of fact, as if he was simply explaining the reason why the sun rises in the morning. 

Lumine took an unsteady step forward. “I don’t understand …” 

“Are you saying you are Rex Lapis!?” Paimon took no time to voice her frustrations, and ask the question on their mind. “Why are you giving her the Gnosis!? She’s the bad guy!” 

Lumine could see them talking, she could tell they were explaining something important, but she couldn’t seem to hear them. It was as if someone had turned on a radio in her head, and instead of playing the sounds of Zhongli’s voice, it was static. The only thing that seemed to turn the radio station back to the right channel was when she saw the Gnosis in his hand. It’s warm glow illuminating his skin, a soft hum filling the room. 

Paimon was in shock, even more so as she watched the traveler make her way to the Geo Archon. 

“Lumine?” 

Lumine reached her hands out and wrapped them around Zhongli’s wrist. There weren’t very many people she would so easily touch. After losing her brother, unable to keep hold onto him as he was ripped from her hands, she found it difficult to cross that barrier. However, there was a desperation in her to make the connection.  

“Lumine…” Zhongli didn’t seem taken back by the sudden physical contact, instead his voice seemed remorseful. 

“Don’t … don’t give it to her.” Her voice was shaky, her hands trembled around his wrist. 

“There isn’t much you can do, Comrad…” Childe started, his arms crossed.

“Don’t give it to her!!” Lumine shouted, which caught everyone off guard. It wasn’t like her to express her feelings in such an animated way. Her eyes we fixated on the golden gaze of the once Archon of Geo. “Please, not again. I can’t see this again.” Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, her nose tickled from the sensation. 

Zhongli sighed, placing his free hand over the trembling ones wrapped around his wrist. His touch caused Lumine’s grip to soften. “A contract is a contract; I cannot break my promise.” 

With that Signora took the Gnosis, and made her way to the door, chuckling proudly to herself.

“Looks like you couldn’t protect another one, huh.” Her words were like venom, and stung Lumine in the heart. “Come, Childe.” 

“Fine, but I’ll meet you there.” He mumbled, turning around and walking up the stairs to the second floor. With both of them gone, only Zhongli, Paimon, and Lumine remained. Her hands still grasping onto Zhongli’s arm. 

“Lumine…” she could hear them call out to her, but she couldn’t respond. Her emotions trapped in her throat, blocking it up like a pipe filled with frozen water. Only the words in her head occupied her attention. I failed. I failed again. She felt a hand touch her shoulder which made her head snapped up.  Zhongli and Paimon were looking at her, worry plastered on their faces 

“Why…” she stammered, the blockage in her throat making it hard to speak, “I don’t understand why. I was … I was helping you. I did all that … and it meant nothing?” 

“It didn’t mean nothing…” Zhongli started. 

“It did. I couldn’t … I couldn’t stop them! Again! Why is it every time I can’t protect those around me?!” The shame building up inside of her. It was too much to bear, and there wasn’t anyone else to blame but her. 

“Lumine, you did everything you could…” Paimon’s voice was sweet, but right now it felt like a jab in her side. 

“Don’t.” Lumine backed away from them, tears spilling down her face. “Please, don’t…” she was so exhausted. Her body ached, her mind was cloudy, and after everything that had happened in the last several hours, she couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m sorry.” Was all she could say before running through the doors of Northland Bank and down the bustling streets of Liyue. 

----

The next morning she awoke to the sounds of Liyue citizens going about their day. She didn’t remember making it back to her inn. 

The last thing she remembered was sitting at the edge of the dock staring at the calm waters of the sea until it reflected the darkness of the night sky.

Her eyes were raw. They hurt when she rubbed the sleep from them. She looked around her room noticing things were not how they normally were. It dawned on her that she wasn’t in the inn, but somewhere else.

Next to her was a warm tub of water and a clean rag. Who could have left this? As she dipped the rag in the warm water, the memories of yesterday began to flood back to her. The fight at the Golden House with Childe, the battle on the Jade Palace, Zhongli turning out to be the Geo Archon, and her failure to stop another Gnosis from getting into the hands of the Fatui. 

“Hey, you’re awake.” a voice called to her from the end of the bed. She turned to see Paimon floating with a small bag in her hands. “I brought you some of your favorite snack foods.” She said, drifting closer to Lumine’s side before resting on the bed herself. 

“Thanks.” Lumine looked out the window, “where are we?” she asked, looking back at Paimon. The only person she met in this world who seemed to always be there for her. She so badly wanted to trust that Paimon would be there with her to the end, but after the events yesterday, well she wasn’t really sure if that would be true either. 

“Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.” she began, opening the bag to present the goodies she purchased. Of course there was something in there for herself. “Zhongli and I found you by the dock late last night ... he carried you to his room.” 

After how she treated him, how could he still show her so much compassion. “Is he here?” She asked. 

“He went out a bit ago, but should be back later. He told us we could stay until we were ready to leave.” A reassuring smile appeared on Paimon’s face. “Hungry?” she asked before offering one of the snacks. 

“Extremely.” Lumine replied, responding with a warm smile. “Thanks, Paimon.” 

“Of course! Now, let’s see what other cool things the funeral parlor has to offer.” 

“It’s a funeral parlor, Paimon. It’s accommodations are mostly for the dead…” Lumine chuckled. 

“You never know! I’ll be right back, you say here!” She added before disappearing into, well, where she goes. 

The sounds from outside were getting louder as the citizens of Liyue were becoming more active. Quietly, she made her way over to the window. Her body still aching from the battles of yesterday. As she looked down onto the streets, she wondered how they would feel if they knew what she knew. If they could imagine the pain of being alone while surrounded by so many friendly faces. Had they ever lost someone close to them; had they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? As she pondered on these items, she could feel the tears rolling down her face once more. 

In the silence of Zhongli’s room she cried, “I trusted you ....” she covered her face from the outside world, “Aether, where are you… I can’t do this without you.” She sobbed as softly as she could, not wanting to disturb the happy citizens below. 

Unbeknownst to her, the words she thought could only be heard by the passing wind were also caught on the ears of a certain Fatui harbinger. Childe leaned against the outside wall, hidden behind the decorative pillars on the second floor roof. His arms tightened around his chest as he listened to the sound of Lumine’s cries against the backdrop of laughing children and footsteps on cobblestone. 

[lazycatmeowsalot]

soulmate au

summary: in teyvat, there are many ways people can identify their soulmates and it's different from everyone. the twins really wanted a memo when they got stuck in this world filled with soulmate partners. the others just felt what could have been a blessing to be a cursed instead. pairings: lumine x dainsleif, xiao x aether x venti, childe x zhongli, jean x lisa

what is a soulmate?

lumine: there's no such thing dainsleif: it's painful xiao: i don't want it aether: what is it? venti: it's suffocating childe: a liar (an archon turned into a man) zhongli: a human (someone who will die before me) jean: it's not romantic lisa: someon i choose instead

lumine and dainsleif

dainsleif knew the moment when a golden angel fell on him that this was his soulmate, the one who matches the star markings hidden on his back

lumine hated being separated from her brother, but dainsleif made things better and she always felt funny when she's with him, like a flower stuck in her throat

every since lumine started coughing flower, everything turned worse and she could only fell into an abyss

dainsleif wondered, years later, if he might be the first to ever be rejected by his soulmate while lumine felt her world turn numb and cold

she didn't know why. she did everything she could to stop herself from coughing flower anymore because it hurt so bady. she even abandoned him, who stood by her side always, yet why did it feel so empty?

lumine had the hanahaki while dainsleif had the identifying symbol and no one had ever told lumine about soulmate identifiers so she never knew

it was truly a tragic pair but the two of them are still connected

xiao, aether and venti

xiao hears whisper of the winds that tell him of his connection with archon known for freedom and he hates, but then, suddenly, he hears the wind say of a traveler from another world

he never believes them and he's in denial of how this wind whispers of his soulmate, or soulmates in this case

when aether wakes up, the first thing he notices is how everything is black and white. he not only loses his sister from an unknown god but also the color of everything

touching the statue that paimon had mentioned, let him see the color of the forest and he becomes instantly thankful of this god of freedom

when he first met venti, he knew instantly that this bard is barbatos and so despite his reservation, he helped steal the item that he wanted

it feels weird because aether thinks that he'll do everything for venti and he feels instantly furious of anyone hurting the archons, especially when signora stole his gnosis

his feelings become worse after meeting xiao for the first time and feeling like the world is the adeptus. it scares him and no matter how he regains all the colors in life, aether doesn't know what's happening

aether just wants to find his sister but all this feelings confuse him and overwhelms him

venti feels what his soulmate feel and knows that his soulmate hates him. he knows that it's xiao but it hurts because the adeptus doesn't want anything to do with him

so he stays away. archon it pains him but he prioritizes freedom the most and his soulmate has the choice if he wants this or not, no matter how much morax says otherwise (that brick is a hypocrite considering how he feels about his human soulmate)

then, he feels a totally different person one day filled with pain and confusion. he got the shocked of his life when he finds a soulmate connection an unknown traveler

aether is so much different from xiao but all the same, they both feel intense loneliness and venti wants to be there for them but just like xiao, aether doesn't want a soulmate

venti for archons sake wants to be with his soulmate but like the wind, they're fleeting and free to do what they want. xiao wants to be left alone and aether just wants to find his sister and leave

what else could he do? venti doesn't want to force connection but he can't stop the suffocating feeling of them being his soulmates, his other halves

xiao has wind whisper, aether has monochrome color while venti has synchronize feelings

they're really a triangle that needs communication and someone really need to tell the twins about the soulmate thing. seriously, it makes everything worse

childe and zhongli

ajax found a name on his wrists at a young age and when he showed it to his parents, they told him of soulmates and this "morax" is probably his soulmate's name

childe still remembers fondly how he thought that his soulmate might be rex lapis because of how he found liyue's accounts about their god and how it's the same as the name on his wrist

but he knows that it's impossible because what kind of archon would be paired with a human? and his mission for Tsaritsa is more pressing. he would find his soulmate after all that

he met zhongli who is part of his mission but also someone who amused him to no end. he grew attached more than he was willing to admit

then, zhongli revealed to be rex lapis, to be morax, who was in the plan the whole time. childe had never been caught off guard in his life because zhongli is not just revealing his identity but he's also saying that they're soulmates

yet yet childe can't help but notice how wrong their relationship is. there's distrust and betrayal in him and there's dismissal and distant in zhongli's. is this how soulmate works? or is it because they're god and human?

zhongli knew that he would wait for a long time before he meets his soulmate. the countdown in his wrist told him as much, so it's not a surprise that he fell in love with someone who's not his soulmate

he knew that separation will be the ending for them because they're not each other's soulmate but he never expected her to die before him and with her death, he felt a part of him died as well

he wondered if maybe perhaps she was a secondary pair for him, someone who could be his soulmates

her death left a scar of fearing soulmate dying before him because he's a god and who knows how long he would live

then, he meets childe as his countdown stops to 00:00 and he realizes that his fear is feasible. humans have short life and his soulmate is a human and he doesn't want to go with the same pain anymore

childe has name mark while zhongli has timer

an archon and human is a tiring matchup, even if said archon has planned to be a human

jean and lisa

they weren't soulmates. they knew that because jean had touched diluc and markings appeared on the skin that she touched, proving that they're soulmates

and lisa has one of her eyes a different color than green. it's red, a bright and youthful bold color that's not the same as jean's calm and greyish blue eyes.

people always told jean that she and diluc looked prefect together and she can't help the heavy feeling in her guts that it's wrong. all wrong.

diluc understands how he feels because no matter what people say, it's not a romantic pair. they don't see each other like that and they just want people to stop

and lisa feels her heart ache every time she hears the compliments, sees the closeness and she wonders why does she feel like this for someone who found her pair

lisa shouldn't have fallen for jean but she does and it hurts so badly and she doesn't understand because jean's not her soulmate but archons, she wants her to be

then, razor comes into her life and looking at his crimson eyes, lisa knows that he is her soulmate and she can't turn him, this boy who's all alone, away even when she fails to develop more feelings to him than that of a sister or even mother

the time jean finds out of her love for lisa is also the her first heartache because lisa is with her soulmate now and who will destroy such precious bonds?

lisa has the heterochromia while jean has creating marks

if they just talk, the two will realize that the soulmates are practically platonic and familial rather than romantic. soulmates don't automatically mean romantic pair

[rahafwabas]

if u dont mind me asking, what was going to happen to steven in your comic au?

Oh a lot

(Btw my English isn’t that good)

But the main thing is Accepting or loving his gem side we see Steven always wanting to feel like a human and we don’t blame him the gems did so many awful things

So I planed to make a character to help him accept that part of him

And she is like alien plant half a red diamond ( it’s a long story lol ) anyway she love her gem side so much she haven’t get any troubles like Steven and she didn’t have the complex that she’s different because she heard about Steven ( I mean he is very famous the guy who saved the galaxy ) I want her to be a big dorky fangirl who looked up for Steven and wanted to learn from him and ask so many questions like so many uncomfortable questions to Steven about how he control his powers which led to Steven to get annoyed by her because he sees his past self when he was young and naive

Here some ideas I wanted to add

Steven has a fear using his powers after the meltdown

Green diamond and red diamond and talk about the gems origin

I want to show how the gems look like before, like for example green diamond is a computer A.I like she is the first one to be made and red dimond was the first gem to have body wish is not perfect

Aliens like different planet visits, one of the plants I was excited to make was a full water plant where sapphires and lapis’s come from

Aliens don’t like the gems ( I mean who doesn’t after all the gems took their planets and destroyed it)

Lapiss fusion, after what happened to our lapis she is damaged the idea of fusion scared her and what saved her is nice lapis (there was a kind of mission I planed where mean lapis and peridot got kidnapped by the bad guys) and the lapis’s went to save them and we got in big trouble which led to them to fuses into mega laps

I was planning to make a team up with Lars and Steven

And wanted to make a redmsion arc for white blue and yellow dimond

Fix the relationship between the diamonds and Steven ( that doesn’t mean Steven will be buddy buddy with them)

Diamonds fusion

Steven getting puffed ( yep in front of pearl and Connie )

Steven metes with his mother and talk about the lies and the truth and the secrets

Steven was having a complex about doing the same thing his mother did just disappeared and make someone else take he’s place but pink changes his mind which led to pink redemption arc

Here a first thought about what I wanted to him to look like before I changed my mind and thought of different look

Green dimond got a body by using the dimonds and Steven help ( forcefully )

A traitor in the group

OG Pearls meets her first real owner

Pink pearl standing out for herself and defense the other pearls ( there’s idea of someone stealing the pearls ) and spinal was their she was the one who inspired pink pearl to be stronger which led to spinal and pink pearl fusion

Steven instead of fearing his powers he is trying to control it in a healthy way which led to him to do cool power moves even if he fuse with the other gems

Smoky /rainbow 2.0 /sunstone / stevonnie getting pink

The team villains ?

Maya the last of her speeches, her planet got destroyed by white diamond

Keyan he is very close to the group and think of them like a family

Bria and eartha a name given by keyan

Bria used to be in love with the solder gem but unfortunately because the gem war that solder gem got shattered by blue diamond because she found out the solder gem wanted to be a crystal gem and she used one of Bria wopens to shatter her

Eartha was one of a scientists who work with yellow diamond but she was over shadowed by yellow and all her work and credit taking from her because she was only a small gem

Rinya also name given by keyan, rinya is portal gem that was a failed experiment by yellow and wanted her to be shattered but got saved by the group

And finally Peary also name given by keyan, Peary the first white dimond pearl which got replaced easily after pink diamond pearl accident

There’s more idk if I should continue this is already a long post 🤣

[novantinuum]

Crack the Paragon, Chapter 11

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (I have upped the rating in consideration of sensitive topics I aim to depict later on.)

Words: 3000~

Summary: In another world, he doesn’t have his mother’s sword or shield to hide behind when Bismuth lands her strike. The bubble pops.

Steven falls apart.

Chapter summary: In which Lapis is a flight risk, and Steven begins to doubt himself.

You can find the AO3 link in the reblogs! (I have to omit them from the original post these days to ensure this will show up in the tags.) If you enjoyed this, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3 as well.

-

Chapter 10: Beta, Part 2

When your life has become a continually evolving string of heart pounding adventures linked together by the odd few days off, you quickly learn to fixate on the fine details no matter what the circumstance, as you never know when one of those details could be used to save everyone’s butts. Sure, it’s not like this outlook did him any favors back in the forge, but his point still stands: a Steven who isn’t constantly paying close attention to his surroundings is a Steven who can’t properly help his friends. If he’s not innately aware of everything around him, he can’t raise his shield in time. He won’t be able to pull the right tool out of his cheeseburger backpack. He can’t give a perfectly worded response to a soul in need. This is a non-negotiable fact, and the reality of what happened with Bismuth merely cements it ever more solid. Which is why— deep beyond the wandering disorientation of his current surface thoughts— he can’t help but wonder why he’s unable to pay attention to the details that actually matter right now. The individual threads of all his friends’ panic, confusion, and attempted explanation overlap and intertwine, weaving an audible tapestry of emotions. Their precise words, however, may as well have died in the wind. Mentally, he is not here. Instead, the fragmented remains of his focus choose to zero in on the wood grain pattern spread across every beam and board of the barn’s rustic infrastructure. Wholly enamored, his eyes trace a path between the dark ridges as if traversing a maze. Tree rings are super pretty, huh. He absolutely doesn’t give them the love and admiration they deserve. But as is evident from the slight musty smell and the dainty mushrooms beginning to sprout by the floor in one of the corners, some of the boards are beginning to rot. His mouth falls slightly ajar, and he stares at these fruiting bodies with such stubborn commitment that for a moment he forgets anything else was ever a priority. Have Peridot and Lapis noticed? Do they even know what wood rot is? Upon that thought, he frowns pensively, balling his fist at his chin. Hmm. Given their relative inexperience with Earth stuff, the most likely answer to that is no. He’ll have to call Dad about fixing the boards before this grows into an even bigger problem. It’d be awful if their home became unsafe to live in because he didn’t do his part to help. But then again... “What do you mean, none of you know why she did it? That just makes it worse!” “Lapis! Lapis, wait! They said she’s—“ “Let go of me!” she says, struggling in Peridot’s grasp, her water wings flaring outwards at the ready. “Don’t you get it? I can’t live here on Earth anymore, it’s not safe! None of us are safe!” Is he already too late?

Lapis’s impassioned cries continue to echo at the edge of his awareness— something paranoid about shapeshifted disguises, about the Diamonds— but his feet are still anchored to the boards below, his body all but stagnant in shock of the current maelstrom of emotions. And yet, it’s strange... while a sum of him dimly recognizes he’s still attached to reality, it’s almost as if he’s watching all of this from above himself, stuck as a passive observer to his failure. Helpless. ( C-cracked, I’m- I’m cracked, I’m split I, I can’t... feel... need... I-I need to —) Slimy tendrils of guilt slither around his heart. He wasn’t paying close enough attention to the mood. He wasn’t careful. He wasn’t convincing. He was scared that everyone would devolve into petty argument, and look what happened! He ran his mouth when he should’ve stayed silent. He caused his own nightmare. His family’s splintering apart once more, and it’s all his fault. “But it’s not like that,” Ruby hastily interjects, “I’m sure it’s not like that!” “Really? You’re seriously jumping to defend Rose, after all the lies she fed us?” Amethyst spits back. “N- no! I’m just saying, why would—“ The constant chirping chorus emanating from the birds of the nearby woods steals his fragmented focus next, and he can’t help the sense of relief that bubbles up from within as he willfully sinks into the distraction. The birds, their songs are beautiful. He wonders what they’re saying to each other... if they’re arguing about territory, warning friends about predators, or simply having a friendly conversation. Maybe his dad might be able to distinguish the difference. When he was still living in the van, they used to lay on that ratty old mattress side-by-side late at night, listening to the crashing tides and the distant squalls of birds picking at trashed food on the boardwalk. Because one of his relatives was big into birding when they were kids, Dad was always able to stake a reasonable guess on the species class based on call alone. And honestly, that’s a pretty amazing power to have. As he related earlier, it’s important to fixate on the fine details. Attention to detail can save lives. It can soften hearts. It can make or break friendships. But as he’s grown to fear, it can’t fix everything. He can’t fix everything. The blue Gem’s features twist with simmering fury. “Peridot, I told you to let me go!” she hollers, and in a single jerk rips herself away from the shorter Gem’s desperate embrace. Her wings swing like a whip behind her as her body follows the motion through. It’s enough of a shock to the system that his sense of awareness comes rushing back. He ducks, the water swishing right over his head. Something behind him snaps and clatters to the ground. Ruby presses a bejeweled hand to her face, muttering something he can’t distinguish. “‘Kay, I’m out,” Amethyst cuts in through the chaos, throwing her hands up. “Y’all are whack, this whole convo is whack, and I can’t deal with any of this right now.” Not wasting a single second, she tucks herself into a ball and super-speeds it out of the barn. Mouth caught in a tiny, helpless ‘o,’ Steven whisks around, only barely catching a glimpse of her retreat before he spots the damage. It’s one of Lapis’s morps, that wooden hanger displaying all the baseball paraphernalia. Now it lies rejected on the floorboards, one of the strings broken and the bat rolling towards Peridot’s feet. He watches, feeling lambasted with regret for his role in sparking this argument, as the green Gem’s face cripples much like the structural integrity of that meep-morp. She blinks away the threat of tears and quickly averts her gaze from the group, bending to pick up the bat before clutching it to her chest in a protective manner. The water Gem huffs and storms out of the barn as well, fists unyielding at her side. Heart pounding amidst all the uncertainty of this fraught situation, Steven scuttles after her. Come on, think! he snaps at himself, chewing pensively at his lip. There has to be a way he can still save this, a way he can stop his family from splintering apart yet again... “Lapis,” Ruby begins, delicately edging towards her. “No, stop,” she holds up a hand. Her expression— as nebulous and hard to ascertain as always— is caught at some weird nexus between blinding anger, terror, and... is that guilt he spies? “Stop talking! I’m not asking any of you to change my mind. I’m leaving, and all of you should be too!” Turning on her heels, she squares her stance and flares her wings to their full width in preparation for her flight. Just before those watery wings can beat downwards, propelling her lithe form away from his world forever, he leaps forward. Dares to grab her wrist. She sharply inhales, briefly tugging against him before she notices who the hand belongs to and falls slack in his hold. Static assails his mind as he assesses every angle of this jerk-moment decision. What on earth is he doing? (He can practically feel Ruby and Peridot’s anxious, curious gaze drilling into him from behind, and they’re not even in his line of sight. No matter what happens, this is all on him. No one else.) “I-I, um,” he stammers at first, desperately scouring his brain for the right words to say. “Please, I’m... You don’t have to be scared like this. I may have her gem, but I’m not her!” Lapis gives a shaky sigh. Her wings droop right along with her shoulders, the persistent burden of thousands of years of captivity evident within her posture. Waiting in the shadow of her silence, his focus falls on the gemstone adoring her back, that smooth, glossy teardrop. Golly, somehow it doesn’t feel that long ago at all that her gem was cracked, and— scared, angered, and confused— she lashed out in much a similar way. “I’ve always known you’re not your mom, Steven,” she says lowly, still not meeting his gaze. “This- this isn’t about that!” “Then... what is it about?” She growls in frustration, clenching her fists as she yanks her wrist away from his grip. “Have none of you been listening to me?” “Have you been listening to us?” Peridot mutters flatly from behind him.

Lapis shoots her a sour look, but continues, pacing across the grass as she speaks. “If one diamond was able to fool an entire empire into thinking she was a quartz for thousands of years,” she says, gesticulating to emphasize her words, “then- then how do we know the other Diamonds aren’t already here doing the same, already watching from a distance, just waiting to shatter us for everything we’ve done??” The sharpened words echo across the fields, familiar bird calls cut short as even nature falls silent in their sway. Steven stands motionless, her paranoia-tinted prophecy sinking in through his flesh despite all efforts otherwise, sowing roots in the darkest corners of his mind that he dare not peep into. When no one responds, the blue Gem exhales, lowering her face to the ground. “I’ve let my guard down too much here, I’ve let myself grow soft. I’m sorry, but I have to go.” He swears he hears a note of disappointment laced between the layers of her uneven breath, or perhaps it’s heartbreak. He can’t tell. Despite his usual aptitude at interpreting others’ feelings, Lapis is consistently hard to read. And it’s this very thought, this subtle dissonance from the expected in her intentions, that encourages him to reach out one last time. Her wings flare out again. Blood and hard light thrum at an almost dizzying pace through his parallel veins. It’s now or never.

“Lapis, wait!” he calls, palm open wide. “Please, please don’t leave! Not now, not like this.” Their world crystallizes into ice as he vies to meet her fears head on. There’s no sunlight, no bird calls, no wind, no Ruby and Peridot behind him. No more untimely distractions. Only Lapis, desperate and hurting amid the heart of the storm she created. She holds her wings taut, ready for flight, hovering at the edge of her metaphoric tower. Breath trembling, she glances behind. The sheer complexity of emotion Steven discovers in those sea blue irises almost makes his eyes water. Cautiously, he steps forward.

“Maybe you’re right,” he begins, fidgeting with his shirt’s bottom hemline. His fingers briefly brush against the edge of his gem as he does so, and he jerks them away in blind rebellion of this reminder. “Maybe this planet never will be completely safe. Maybe nothing ever goes to plan. But the Crystal Gems have survived this long because they stood together instead of breaking apart. A-and... I know you don’t think of yourself as a Crystal Gem,” he cuts in quickly with a placating gesture, noticing the question forming on her lips, “but please-! With everything else that’s happening, I really, really still want you in my life.”

Tightly, she wrings her fingers around her opposite arm, face dipping dolefully towards the soft soil squishing up between her bare toes. “Steven, I...” “I can’t promise you’ll be safe on Earth, but I can promise you won’t have to be alone,” he says, voice thick. “Please.” Stay, he mouths, his body nearly shaking in fear of how she’ll respond, of all the inner thoughts flooding through her mind he’ll never wholly decipher. Their gaze locks, souls laid bare to each other as they engage in a rapid-fire dialogue no other creature of this world will ever be privy to.

If you can't stay for yourself, he cries silently, can’t you stay for me?

The seconds are punctuated only by the reverberant tremor of his heartbeat, as he stands upon a precipice in wait of her pivotal, defining answer.

Eventually, her expression softens. She folds her wings, standing down.

“Fine,” she spits. “I’ll wait and see what happens... for now. But if I ever find out any of the Diamonds are inbound, or worse? I’m out of here.”

A stiff gust of wind rushes past, threading through her hair and causing her dress to undulate like mid-ocean waves. Shadow obscures her face.

“I’m not getting pulled into another war.” Giving no further explanation, she turns tail and storms past the tent, past the rickety fence bordering her and Peridot’s barn, and into the overgrown wildflower field beyond. Once she’s reached a far enough distance, she extends her wings and begins to fly, hastily disappearing beyond the tree-line. Everyone stares at the thick swath of forest she escaped to with dumbfounded shock at first, no one quite sure how to proceed after that bomb of a conversation stopper. Ruby mutters something under her breath, clear frustration coloring her voice. Behind him, he hears Peridot reverently set the bat down on the barn’s floor.

“I’m... gonna go find her, and help her calm down,” she says. Clutching her hands close to her chest, she passes him and Ruby and begins her long, flightless trek into the Beach City woods. Steven himself migrates towards the grassy patch beyond the pool, and falls to his knees amongst the dandelions growing there. Most of them are still flowering, their lithe golden yellow petals fanning out from the head. A few on a separate plant are white and puffy, though, ready to disperse seeds. He’s drawn to one in particular, a seedhead that’s already missing half of its progeny. Biologically, he knows it’s a good thing that those seeds have flown away and might get a chance to germinate elsewhere, but regardless the sight of this lonely, barren dandelion strikes a dour note. Was he wrong, asking Lapis to stay? Could she eventually heal and become happier, leaving the burden of this place? He swallows hard, gripping the balding seedhead between two fingers and decisively plucking it off the stem. A few more seeds blow off with the disturbance, their feathery parachutes falling into the arms of the wind.

Lapis...

What if his selfishness is only holding her back?

And then there’s Amethyst to worry about. There’s no point overextending the sad dandelion metaphor to fit her situation, because hers is something entirely unique. She’s still in his life, just emotionally closed-off. Bitter. Avoidant. Unfairly antagonistic to others. By inviting her out here he hoped she might take the opportunity to kick back and blow off some steam, but now, after watching her abruptly leave the group a few minutes ago, he’s worried this trip only succeeded in further stressing her out.

A gem adorned hand falls upon his shoulder then, pulling him to the present. With a startled yelp, he tosses the dandelion into the grass as he flinches away. His heart drums uncontrollably, so much so that his cheeks burn with embarrassment when it dawns on him who this hand belongs to. He sucks in a shaky breath to calm himself down before allowing himself to sink into her comfort, glancing behind to meet Ruby’s tired, kind eyes. “Hey. Are you okay?” she asks. His tongue suddenly feeling as limp and dry as all the fallen leaves beginning to sprinkle the ground, he nods his head yes. In an overt betrayal of his response, his big, stupid, puffy eyes begin to water. Hurriedly, he wipes the burgeoning tears away with the butt of his palm. Frustration bubbles at his core. Since when was he such a crybaby? He’s cried far too much lately, and he’s sick of it. He rubs harder as the tears begin to fall anyways, his bottom lip quivering as he vies with every last ounce of control he still has to not look entirely pathetic. The skin around his eyes, sensitive and raw, begins to sting from the friction. Wordlessly, Ruby wraps her hands around his wrists and leads them away from his face. His chest tightens. He fails to choke back a sob as she pulls him into her embrace, his own arms trapped between them. She buries her face into the crook of his neck, and it’s then that he realizes with a shock of surprise that she’s crying too. Her quiet tears dampen his collar; her fingers clutch at the back of his shirt. “You don’t have to pretend to be strong for us all the time,” she says softly. “I wanna be here for you too, okay? It’s just like you said... no matter what, we stand together.” “But I- I have to go find her,” he chokes out, the words sticking in his throat in the most pathetic manner. “Who, Lapis? Peridot‘s prolly fine handling her on her own.” “No, I mean Amethyst. I saw her run off, an, and she’s been so upset today, and...” “Steven,” she says, leaning away and gently lifting his chin so he can’t avoid her compassionate gaze. “You’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and honestly? A lot of it’s been our fault. You should take a moment to rest, okay?” Grinning, she ruffles his hair. “Enjoy the breeze! Climb a tree! Kick back for once. I’ll check on Amethyst this time.”

He hoarsely whispers an ‘okay’ as he sits back on his heels in the sun and watches her run off, allowing the wind to whip through his curls. Sighing, he splays his fingers just above the grass, allowing their tips to gently tickle his palm as they brush back and forth, and futilely tries to convince himself he’s cultivated enough good into the world today to deserve this break.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

How I Relate to Lapis Lazuli

Lapis, Lapis, Lapis...

I have to confess, I did NOT like this gem in the beginning, or at least when I saw the deeper context of her actions it made me dislike her...

However, after a lot of thinking, re-watching and understanding the reasons behind what she had done. I mean she took all her rage out on a gem who did only a minimum of the damage that’s happened to her, lashed out several innocent people and tried to use the earth to benefit her (go back home) because her gem was cracked, even hurt her own friend (Steven) and held a grudge against Peridot and forced her to leave because she hated her so much. And also lashed out and let her anger show to the Navy Ruby because she was too comfortable despite everything that happened to her and Lapis couldn’t understand how she supposedly adjusted well while she herself didn’t. 

I thought to myself, jeez, Lapis is so angry, aggressive and has a lot of issues doesn’t she? She needs to learn how to improve on her problematic behavior. But then after I did all of the re-watching, I was hit with a disturbing awakening...

I’M so angry, aggressive and I have a lot of issues. Lapis has hurt people including her own friends, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve hurt people, including my own friends before. I’ve lashed out at people I felt a resentment towards just because they have things or have done things I haven’t done, instead of trying to understand that I just resented it. Just like Lapis...

I went from disliking her, to understanding her and even loving her. She’s just so flawed and I identify with her, I see so much of myself in her and I think... THAT’s why I disliked her in the beginning... she had everything about myself that I disliked and just tried to deny until I realized it myself on some days in my past and present when I let feelings take me for a ride instead of being reasonable. I just got angry, as soon as I felt the rush of these emotions, I let them have cloud my judgement. I actually don’t really lash out, I’m actually more passive-aggressive, but I’m not proud of it. At all. I realized that being passive-aggressive might actually be worse...

And all of this evaluating more or less made me see that I’m actually more like Lapis than I thought. This was both a rude awakening but also made me kind of happy? I relate to so little characters because it is hard to find a character you can identify with but… for me it’s Lapis. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Lapis is many things:

She’s bitter, sometimes cold, and can even be apathetic, whatever’s going on, she does expresses very little care about the situation. But of course it actually all depends on the situation, if it doesn’t concern her, she does NOT care and has a very blasé expression through it all, and I realize that I’m almost too blasé about many things and just go with the flow without a care in the world. Unless I actually care about something, I’m pretty apathetic about it, just like Lapis. If she doesn’t care about something, she’s not shy about showing it. I’m both amused and ashamed that we have this in common. 

She’s also stubborn, angry, resentful and prideful, if she has an opinion she’ll let people hear it and won’t sugarcoat it either. Lapis might not be the most expressive gem, well actually she’s got a range of emotions but settles on a cynical demeanor and relatively calm until she’s pushed into annoyance or something else. 

However, this is often portrayed (rightly so) as a negative thing since it makes her come off as very harsh and sometimes even cruel as she has displayed this level of harshness towards others which makes even her closest friends a bit afraid of her. Lapis won’t budge if she feels she’s in the right, which also showcases how stubborn she is, but that’s actually a trait that seems to be prevalent in other Lapis Lazuli’s as I’ve seen in the new episode since those other Lapis’ were just as stubborn as she is. But the point of this is that Lapis’ stubbornness, while it shows how obstinate she is, it can also put a snag in her friendships as seen in the episode “Raising The Barn”, while also fueled by fear, Lapis put herself before what her friend wanted. I understand why she did because she was terrified that two dictators, including one that rules other blue gems like her, were going to come to earth and destroy them and she wanted to get the hell out of Dodge. But I still am not oblivious to the fact that this decision still hurt her friends and strained the friendship just a little bit. 

Unpleasant traits aside, she’s also tired too, as she often has creases under her eyes to indicate how tired she is, physically and emotionally which makes sense since she’s put up with a lot of things she had no control over and just had to deal with it all. 

Anger, stubbornness and pride are actually traits I didn’t think I had until I re-watched episodes like “Same Old World” and “Barn Mates” which made me understand her character a lot more. I could tell just how bitter she was given that she’s been through so much, and had so many feelings all bottled up because she was both figuratively and literally trapped at some point in her life since she was in that mirror. 

Feeling trapped can enable someone to bottle up unpleasant emotions, and for Lapis it was anger and desperation, anger because she never wanted this fate thrust upon her, desperation because once she got a taste of freedom it made her willing to do anything, anything just so she could get it back. But when anger and desperation come together, it’s a nasty mix because when people are angry and desperate it can lead to hurting others for whatever reasons triggered by anger and desperation. For Lapis it was a sense of finally feeling like she had control and could finally express what she was feeling without anything tying her down or keeping her prisoner again.

I’ve felt trapped before, I’ve been trapped in places in my life where I had no control and I was just left with nothing but my anger and desperation, hoping for the next days to be better so I could try and regain some semblance of my own happiness. And lately I’ve been able to express myself a little bit better, because I’ve met people over the past couple of years who have encouraged me to speak up so I don’t feel as put down on a low level. I talk more, express myself more, but I’ve realized that sometimes the things I say carry a lot more anger in them because… I’m an angry person, I still haven’t let go of the anger I hold onto. And frankly I hate myself for it because I don’t like being angry.

However, this is why I’ve gained a better understanding towards Lapis and shown her more sympathy because I GET why she’s so angry because I’ve been in that place before, that place of feeling nothing but anger and desperation because of the way I’ve felt trapped and like I had no control. And that’s why she seems so distant and cold and lashes out at people, including her friends, she doesn’t want to be tied down again. Because Lapis expresses her anger through aggressive means, which resembles lashing out and letting anything in her path feel her wrath, whether it’s by using her powers or just being passive-aggressive and rude. She’s aggressive in some way, and I didn’t get that until I realized that I actually have my own aggressive tendencies, and I hate myself for it…

I started to understand why Lapis is so distant and cold, because I’m distant and cold because I bottle everything up. There are days where I like to just be pissed off and assume that it’s not my fault, that everything else is the problem when really… I’m the problem. I’ve only recently made that discover, and that’s why I love and appreciate Lapis a little more, while she’s not perfect, it’s made me realize that I’m definitely not perfect. I just wish I was okay with that, because like Lapis, I’ve hurt people before, people I care about, and like her, I feel extreme guilt about it, every damn day, every damn second…

Do I excuse all of the meaner things she’s done? Of course not, but I think that’s the point that we’re not supposed to overlook all of the bad things she’s done, but rather see how she’s grown from them. I wish she had apologized for some of the meaner things she’s done (mostly concerning Steven that is), but overall, while I don’t condone all the mean things she’s done, I do appreciate that she’s learned from those things and is trying to be a better person.

That’s what reassured me, that despite all of these vices and flaws that Lapis has, she also has her own redeeming features. For one, she always feels remorse for her less than pleasant actions, always because she knows she went overboard but in that moment she couldn’t quite help herself because I’ll tell you from experience, when you’re high on emotions, you’re high. It’s a high that you don’t even realize how high you are and that you can’t come down until something brings you back down to earth. Lapis has those highs, but comes down, and she comes down hard as she’s opened up to Steven about how she feels bad for the things she’s done, whether it’s keeping Jasper trapped in the ocean for months, stealing the ocean and hurting/trying to kill Steven and Connie, breaking his dad’s leg, or even leaving Peridot so suddenly and taking everything with her. She feels guilty for all of them, I’ll admit she’s terrible at apologizing but she at least feels guilty for her flaws and is self-aware without having any ignorance of the things she’s done once they’ve happened. I like to think I’m better at apologizing, but that’s because I’m a lot like Steven and have a guilt complex the size of Texas but I might save that for another post. 

Not only that but another redeeming quality she has is that despite all of her pent-up anger, she’s a different person around her friends, such as Steven. She’s calm, sweet and playful with Steven because he was nice to her, one of the few people in a long time to be nice to her, and she took to him and became protective and friendly with him. While he can witness her frightening moments, Lapis never loses her care for Steven, and even apologizes to him when he has to see it all. 

She values her friendships and shows that she is capable of kindness and love someone else. So that made feel better and made me happy because I thought about all the friendships I managed to make, because while I’m a little bit bitter in general, my friends can bring out this cheerful side of me and make me genuinely happy. I change around them, but for the better, and I love them all for that. That’s what I see in Lapis too, she changes for the better when she’s surrounded by her friends as she found friendship in Peridot and Bismuth and is much happier around them and can be herself around them. 

And after a lot of self-reflection, it’s allowed me to realize what all of my flaws are, and the things I do, which of course makes me feel really shitty but I think self-reflection is supposed to make you feel shitty but only so you can get to know yourself and acknowledge all of your imperfections. I have a TON of imperfections, and Lapis has a ton of imperfections which is why I’ve started to love her character. 

She’s imperfectly perfect and I like watching her grow because it gives me hope that I can keep growing in my own way because I do want to grow up too and be an adult about things so that way I don’t hurt people again, and learn to forgive myself when I do make mistakes because I’ve made so many that I wish I could take back but I know I can’t. Lapis is slowly getting better with this too, she’s quite a lovely character really, and I hope to keep learning more from her, and Steven for that matter.

Cuz like Lapis, I’m trying to be better and get better. It’s... not easy, I can’t lie but... like Lapis I have some loved ones who inspire me to be a better person for myself and people who love me anyway despite how unsavory I can be.

[pkmnsdarkqueen]

Mun talks about her D&D characters for munday

I thought it’d be fun to let ya’ll hear about them. Also I know a ton of them start with L names, I’m sorry and I don’t know how this happened. 

Lokni-Human Blood Hunter (TW: death, demons, sex, child neglect, pregnancy complications) Life goal: To kill Raktos the demon  Campaign: Ravnica

The current favorite of my friends who I’ve played a few games with. Personally I think he has one of the most tragic backstories but I had to give him an intense one cause he has a very dramatic goal. The campaign is set in Ravnica which for those who don’t know is a setting where most things take place in a large city where power is divided by guilds. My child is in the Raktos guild which is the ones who throw parties put on shows, and run the brothels. Thing is they also kinda murder folks alot, live on the idea of viva la anarchy and they do this to keep their guild leader, a massive demon happy so he doesn’t end the world. Now that you’re caught up his story goes as follows. He was born to two parents, things were great, his mom got preggers, she was out with her husband and got dragged into a Raktos show cause they do that, she was injured and basically it became either save her or her unborn child and he insisted on the child. Dad blames the kid for loosing his wife, neglects teh child, Lokni also a child adopts his dad’s mindset being confused and hurt, family friend of mom takes in unwanted child (she is a centaur by the way), Lokni realizes eventually his dad really doesn’t care about him either as dad slips further into insanity about wanting to bring his wife back, Lokni decides to go apologize to bro who instantly forgives to live with centaur mom. Later they are told their dad is dead getting mixed up with the wrong people (however based on hints from the dm I fear he is not dead and also fear when the dm brings him back). His goal as a character is this: He wants to make sure no family ever ends up ripped apart like his so he wants to kill Raktos and put someone else on the throne, not him cause he recognizes he is not emotionally stable enough to run anything. Although originally I was planning on making him more obsessive about his goals and basically become his dad, obsession and hurt drives people to crazy things, but he kinda ended up finding a 16 year old ghost girl in the woods who’s been stuck to possess a knife and basically was like,”well this child clearly has a rough time in life I’m gonna adopt them!” and fatherhood is forcing this man to rethink things cause murdering Raktos=major trouble and he doesn’t want to rip up this new family he’s making so now considering teleporting him away? changing him to be a good person? Yeh it’s getting complicated. OH and he was kind of forced to drink some potion stuff, cause his boss is crazy (she has a ghost choir that she possibly killed everyone there, complete with a kazoo section cause ya boi Lokni on a whim said it needed more kazoos and she listened to him cause he knows music, he plays the spoons and does magic tricks btw as a job, so clearly he knows what he’s talking about) and ye so he is a fox lycanthropy now.

Lapis Lazuil/Laz-Triton, Cleric.  Life goal: Literally be the best monster killer Campaign: Regular D&D 5e

Basically we had a D&D show we were filming at school up until things got too busy with the main show we were producing. This character came before Lokni and we were told,”hey so your characters are monster hunters at this guild but they’ve all kind of been kicked out of their former parties for one reason or another which ya’ll can decide and this is your last chance to stay in the guild.” Me: “cool imma make a triton that hates water, and their a tempest cleric.” Dm: “....why, why are you like this.” Me: “YOU SAID MAKE BAD DECISIONS!” So ye that’s how Laz was made. Her story is that she was adopted by rock genasi. She thinks her parents abandoned her. Truth is they just fell on hard times just before she was born and well couldn’t afford a child so did what they could now trying to find her. So she changed her birth name to be named after a rock like the rest of what she considers her real family. She also has the attitude of the stereotypical highschool cheerleader on disney movies and talks like one too but with a more raspy voice because she is dehydrated, again she hates water because of her hatred for her ‘real family’ and also she genuinely doesn’t like the way it feels,”It’s just liiiike the worst ya know, um like on my skin....yeah so don’t pass out in water or whatever cause like I probs won’t try to heal you....sorry not sorry.” That was literally her first line to the rest of the party. I now use her in one offs and like low key she is alot of fun. 

Luc-Pantoran (I forgot the class and the dm still has our character sheets cause thank you virus) Life goal: Clear their name! Campaign: Starwars 

So first of all funny thing about this one is that usually I have a gender and voice made pretty early into creating a character. With this person....I did not, like literally I got everything else figured out except these two details so I decided,”You know what! You don’t get either of them!” Their story went like this, they have 12 siblings ok, super rural regular family in the inner planets. All of their siblings are wildly successful and they were average. They knew they couldn’t really succeed like everyone else but hey did find themselves enjoying being a nuisance so basically when asked what they wanted to do with their life they would look up at the adult asking and just go,”Crime.” SO that’s exactly what they did. Once they became an adult they ran off, used sleeping with folks to get what and where they wanted, eventually joined a pirate crew, and life was great. They were so good, and kind of had a thing going with the captain that they became first mate. Pretty recently they realized they didn’t relate to either gender and became non binary, they also are still trying to figure out their voice so it would change rather often. Thing is they got framed for stealing from the captain, and hey they’ve done alot of bad but they HAVE NOT broken trust like that, after all they actually cared about the captain, and for once was considering being just with them instead of sleeping around. Nonetheless they are on the run now trying to clear their name. Their theme as a character is,”hey you know that little voice in your head that tells you not to do something, ye they don’t have that. Just a voice that says, do what ya wanna do pal!”

Clarity-Robot, vault dweller (Tw: death mention, human experimentation, dog experimentation) Life goal: Just see the world Campaign: Fall out

I love this character so much she is a baby however her theme is,”depending on perspectives people can come across as wildly different things.” So If you’ve played fall out no she’s not a Mr. Handy or one of the robots that looks incredibly human like. We decided an amalgamation of the two fit her story better and it was available in the unofficial fall out table top we were playing. She looks humanish, a human like form but with clear casing showing her inner workings and a human mask to try to look  more friendly. She’s got on a little yellow dress on too, very vintage, and with the sweetest most innocent sounding voice. She even travels with a Dalmatian who, as a robot could think of only the most appropriate name to describe her grizzled hound, Spot. As for fighting one arm can transform into a flame thrower and the other into a chain saw. Also as a robot she can not go against programming. She also makes comments such as,”I am overjoyed you will not become a plant!” “Oh no don’t pick flowers! I would hate to hurt the plant...” “Are you sure the grass will not mind if I step on it?” If you have played fallout you might know where this is going. Basically there are 2 vaults that are important, both of them are found over grown with plants one containing half human half plant monstrous creatures. Her story is that she was in the vault that laster holds the monstrous creatures. Her programming was to continue the experiment, the experiment to combine humans with plants in an attempt to improve upon humans. She could not tell the humans what she was doing, and she could not stop the experiment until it was complete. There were dogs there under her command to be used as experiments too or keep the plants in line. So the chain saw and flamethrower were to stop unruly plant monsters from attacking her and keep them in line until finally the order came that the experiment was over and she was no longer needed. So she left, secretly horrified by her actions attempting to avoid ever processing what she witnessed fully through her system. She wants to see the world for herself now with her dog friend. Again when people meet her she seems like a sweet angel going so far as to worry about even the feelings of plants, but for anyone who was in that vault they would see her as a very different person.

[kristinarambles]

Theme Song

Analysis One:

When I first started watching this show it was to find something my oldest daughter [who was three at the time] and I could watch together. We had been watching Gravity Falls but I knew it was coming to an end and I was pretty tired of Shimmer and Shine and Daniel Tiger and whatnot [not that there’s anything wrong with them and in fact I like them, just was over it lol]. Disney movies over and over I can do but I wanted something new that I could really get into. My sister loved it and I saw screenshots and stuff all over Tumblr so I was curious. I sought my sisters referral and she told me it was beautiful but might contain content that Andrea was too young to understand/comprehend, but even so it was made so it would still entertain her and contained a lot of themes that would reinforce the type of things I was trying to teach her as a mother. Now my youngest who was a babe-in-arms when we started has reached about the same age as Andrea was when we started watching and it's all of our big thing that we watch together and love so much. It met and exceeded all of my expectations in every way. The artwork and music is beautiful, I've added several of the songs to my "playlist" of lullaby's that the children request for me to sing to them. The girls adore the characters, Andrea even named "her” dog after Pearl [she’s even got the sharp nose true to form, but as a counterpoint likes to eat trash and roll in the mud]. They play games set to the story, talk about it all the time, cheer them on as we watch and even cry. It keeps us engaged and guessing and even my husband doesn't mind it and will occasionally watch the new episodes with us. We love how excited the kids get about them lol.

I was going to just jump into the first episode, but I thought I should do a little breakdown of the theme songs first,the old one from the first season and the one we've been using since the beginning of season two until presumably we'll get a new one at the start of season six. Also forgive me for not having pictures, but I don’t want to be stealing pictures even with references or tags and I have two children so I don’t have the time or patience to be going and getting my own screengrabs.

First I think it's interesting that in the old theme Pearl and Amethyst [Amethyst pulling out/down her shirt] both show off their glowing gems but you can only see one of Garnet’s as she adjusts her shades. Steven's can be seen glowing until he finishes his little somersault and his shirt settles. I like how the next few flashes show his youth [and immaturity] in comparison to the Gems as well. After seeing the theme we've had the last couple of years so many times I really love the parallels and changes. How when the warp pad goes off Steven just passively floats upside down, he makes a face when Garnet ruffles his hair [which is one of my favorite of their earlier interactions], running to catch up to them and then leaping to get in the lead. It gives us a real feel for their relationship but in an abstract way. Steven is the kid brother, to be protected and sheltered, maybe even a little annoying. They love him, but he isn't really a member of the team, he's just a tag-along. Then it evolves, they start in the temple but it appears that they're at the galaxy warp in the second theme. They focus on the Gems faces now and not their gems. He is now the one who activates the warp, with a hint of the Diamond Salute, everyone ruffles his hair while he smiles [with star eyes no less] because he knows how much they love him. Then the running with Steven trying to catch up turning to all of them just posing one by one with their weapons, but still as a team. We get a nice shot of Connie as the van drives through Beach City, she is front and foremost from our point of view. Lars and Sadie, Mr. Smiley, the Cool kids, Kiki and Nanefua are all there but Connie is the most important. Lots of people have pointed out the change in her appearance in the theme, and it's certainly the most obvious but I like how subtly everyone else changed too. Lars goes from throwing himself against the window to leaning comfortably, Sadie even looks more comfortable. The Cool Kids are now hanging out in front of The Big Donut instead of on the curb across the street. Onion is on top of it when originally it seemed that Mr. Smiley was about to toss him out. Looking back he was probably just handing him off to Sour Cream, but we didn't know he was his big brother back then. Jamie has been added, although off to the side sulking [of course]. Also added are Mayor Dewey, Kofi, and the Frymans. As funny as it is to see Ronaldo being flustered at the van driving by instead of Lars, my heart is warmed by PeeDee hanging out smiling on his father's shoulders and waving at Steven. It might be more symbolism that Ronaldo is trying to gather up his papers but pauses to watch the van go by. He has a tendency to let his theories run away with him, but Steven has consistently set him straight.

All that being said, Connie's transformation is arguably the most important other than Steven himself, although in light of Pink Lars and Rock Star Sadie not necessarily the most drastic in appearance. She is still on the outskirts, but it's no longer because she's an outsider as evidenced by her running after the van instead of just holding her hat in place due to the wind made by it passing her. I love the contrast in her traditionally feminine skirt to her more utilitarian shorts and clutching her book and holding onto her hat turning into still holding the book but loosely by her side instead of tightly to her chest and resting her sword comfortably on her shoulder. I really identified with early Connie and her escape into books. As a Navy brat I moved a lot, and being the oldest I had a lot of responsibility I didn't really want. When we first meet her in Bubble Buddies and she doesn't even notice Steven because she was so into her reading, I felt that on a very visceral level. I wish I could have found real magic like she did lol. Her books are still a part of her, but she’s grown so much, trained to be strong and skillful, earning her place on the team. I don’t think we ever actually see her wear a hat in show, and she loses her literal rose tinted lenses and adds in her glow bracelet showing off her and Steven’s friendship.

Greg is finally shown at the end, representing Steven's human needs with a grill haha, then in a final bit of symbolism in the first theme we see each of the Gems get their own frame with their name superimposed above them. They each get a slightly different time of day and a signature little move to show us who they are without saying a word. Garnet reclining in her lawn chair and only moving her foot at sunset. Amethyst flipping her hair at twilight with the moon behind her. Pearl adjusting her skirt as she sits in front of the fully night sky filled with diamond shaped stars. Steven eating a hot dog with the temple at sunrise behind him. In the new theme however they gather around Steven after a casual shot of the temple. Connie runs to join them, Greg relaxes up against a napping Lion. He strums his guitar as Connie turns smiling. Garnet lowers herself to sit behind Steven, Amethyst in her enthusiasm slides to be beside him, Pearl kneels down neatly They all belong there, as a team. They are all still individuals with their own personalities, strengths and weaknesses, but they communicate and fit together so much better now. The title is over all four of them instead of just Steven.

Steven says his powers allow him to connect to people, and sure that's a big part of his gem powers but I think his human half has a really great power too. He has the ability to make people connect to each other. His empathy brings all the people he cares about together and over the course of the series he's been able to dissect and help them solve the issues keeping them apart as well as deal with their own self images and trauma.

There's been a lot of speculation about a new theme, and although initially I was unhappy with the idea and content with the current theme I am coming around. I was firmly against the idea of Rose being Pink and that turned out better than I ever could have hoped so I'm fully trusting in Rebecca Sugar now. Especially with those scenes at the very end of Change Your Mind. The pan over the Crystal Gems, Off Colors and the humans mingling on the beach with the Diamonds looking over them. The change in lyrics about peace instead of fighting while all of the newly uncorrupted gems reunite in the fountain, and the fact that Steven leaves out his own name to make sure he mentions that there's more of them. And then the Crystal Gems in front of the temple, all of them. Lapis and Peridot have officially joined all in, Bismuth is back for good, Connie, Lion and Greg still in their rightful places, even Pumpkin and Cat Steven. It's all just so wonderful, if we do get an updated theme I'm sure it will be just as lovely, I'm trying not to have expectations although the parallels seem to indicate that at least that last bit in front of the temple will be integrated.

[sushigal007]

Last night I was watching a horror movie on Netflix and it got me thinking about Lapis and why I think the crew have really messed up in trying to make her one of the good guys.

[Contains spoilers for Don’t Breathe]

So the basic plot of the film is that three teen thieves are planning a robbery. Their target? An old war veteran, blinded by shrapnel in the Gulf, whose daughter was killed in a car accident. That's a pretty tragic backstory, right? So when he wakes up and kills one of them, well, it's hard to feel much sympathy for them. Hell, in many other movies, the old man would be the good guy and we'd be rooting for him as he picks off his home invaders.

But that doesn't happen. Because about a third of the way into the movie, the remaining two thieves try to escape through the cellar and find a young woman chained up and gagged in there, the young woman who was driving the car that killed his daughter. And that's when you stop feeling sorry for him and start rooting for the other guys, even before later revelations. Because you can't be one of the good guys when you keep someone chained up in your basement for revenge, no matter how tragic your backstory.

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?

Lapis has never apologised for forcing Jasper to stay fused with her and chaining them both up at the bottom of the ocean. Nobody has ever talked to her about what a fucked-up thing it was to do. Instead, they have focused upon how much it traumatised Lapis instead. She rejected Peridot's lake because it reminded her of being trapped in the ocean. Peridot learned not to say Japser's name around her. The additional trauma even allowed Lapis to resist Blue Diamond's emo attack. But she wasn't the victim in that situation. The prison was entirely of her own making, she could've left at any time, and she fully admitted that she actually enjoyed hurting Jasper.

Lapis has no business becoming a Crystal Gem until everyone, show and fandom, acknowledge that she did a terrible thing and needs to make amends for it. But that's not going to happen because even though they've written her as a literal horror movie villain, this show's not allowed to have bad guys. So just like the Diamonds (including Pink Diamond), Lapis gets to be one of the good guys without ever having to apologise for the bad things she's done.

PS: If the crew wanna steal any theories from me, you can go right ahead and make Lapis a villain after all, I promise I won’t mind.

[lattetimes]

So How About Them New Episodes, Ammirite Ladies??

here’s what i thought of the new episodes via live reactions as i watching them!

overall, it was kinda underwhelming but there were parts that i really did like! and if you liked these episodes, that’s awesome!

MAYOR DEWEY WINS

was this title a reference to the movie/book John Dies at the End, cause if so then i’m shocked i caught that

apparently it is, would you look at that. btw i kinda liked the movie.

damn, Sadie took this hard. and Steven never told Lars’ parents. so i guess Sadie has to do that herself.

why tf does Steven care if Dewey wins?!

OH, IT’S BECAUSE HE DON’T WANT SHIT TO CHANGE AND HE THINKS HAVING A NEW MAYOR WOULD BE BAD WTF DEWEY DOES NOTHING

ok wow, there’s only 24 people in Beach City and he never noticed that Lars was gone!?

“is that why the donut shop was closed?”

“we’ll hire a new donut boy!” DEWEY. DUDE. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

“high school mayor” lmao

how did he run unopposed for 10 years!?

LARS’ MOM KEEPS A SHITTON OF TOMATOES IN HER PURSE SHE READY TO THROW DOWN ALL THE TIME

i don’t like that Steven is so adamant on Dewey winning.

jesus, Steven, let Nanefua win. she’s obviously the better person for the job

“i’m done pointing my finger at you, and now i direct all my fingers on both my hands to the citizens” top 10 anime deaths

NANEFUA WINS, OH MY GOD YES

STEVEN, DUDE, REALLY?! LEAVE CONNIE ALONE!

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i need to get a new job” 2018 mood tbh

episode rating: 2 tomatoes out of 5. i can’t stand Steven in this episode at all. but hey, NANEFUA WON!!!!!!

RAISING THE BARN

....was Lapis’ main concern that Steven dropped his phone on Homeworld? not the fact that he was... idk... ON HOMEWORLD?!

ok Lapis is ready to bail immediately and tbh i dont blame her

did she just uproot the entire bard wtf?! 

BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

episode rating: 1.5 barns out of 5. BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

GEMCATION

^ mfw Amethyst basically spat an egg out her mouth (it was kinda gross)

well. Greg got some kinda house.... still don’t get why the crew is so against having Greg get a house

also, where’s Peridot?

“remove all shoes before entering” Pearl fucking THROWS A RANDOM ASS PAIR OF SHOES

OKAY PEARL SCREAMING “PARTY GUY, NO!” WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY

S H O W M E P A R T Y G U Y Y O U C O W A R D S

“Steven, you should join me. become a raisin” ok Garnet

did. did Steven completely cut Garnet off as she was talking about Pink Diamond and the Gem War with the whole, “yeah, yeah, i get it, Mom. i already heard this story” kinda thing? B R U H that ain’t okay

AND GARNET JUST SHUTS UP AND WAS LIKE “good, you understand”

PEARL WAS GONNA STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOME HUGE THING AFTER HER “THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN” LINE AND HE CUTS HER OFF WITH “CONNIE HATES ME”

WHY COULDN’T STEVEN AT LEAST TELL THESE FOUR THAT HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT CONNIE HATING HIM?!

I’M KINDA GETTING SICK OF SEEING STEVEN MOPE LIKE THIS FOR 3 EPISODES STRAIGHT AND I HOPE HE DOESN’T KEEP THIS UP FOR THE NEXT 2

OH NO, PLEASE DISREGARD ALL OF THE MESSED UP THINGS YOU SAW ON HOMEWORLD CAUSE CONNIE IS (rightfully) UPSET WITH YOU. LARS D I E D.

GUITAR DAD SAVES THE DAY

i love Greg Universe

how would you not notice if you aren’t getting any service on your phone? your phone tells you when you’re getting service or not

bruh you almost made your dad drive off a cliff for you to get phone service

Greg Universe is a ride or die kinda guy

this ending shot is cute, i’ll give you that. 

episode rating: 2 party guys out of 5. Party Guy should’ve bitten Steven’s phone and his shit attitude. also PEARL WTF ARE YOU TELL US ALREADY

BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN

Connie i miss you

“of the three things i have to do in the sink now, this is the one i least mind you seeing” B R U H

 Peridot listens to country music, this is disgusting

HOLY SHIT AMETHYST IS TOSSIN’ PERIDOT AROUND LIKE SHE WEIGHS NOTHING AND I’M CRACKING UP

“can i bring my music?” “NO.” damn Amethyst you already threw Peri around like she ain’t nothin’, let her bring her music if it’ll help her

aaaay, they’re in the train again!

dang, Peri really loved the barn.

i kinda like that Amethyst is going around trying to figure out which member of the Famethyst came out of which part of the Kindergarten. kinda cute. 

so everything is seriously determined by the nutrition, right down to the style of a Gem’s hair? ...huh. iron deposits determine hair styles.

damn, Peri went with a sucker punch to the gut with her little speech about how Kindergartens kill off life and are just “lifeless husks” once all the Gems are done being formed. and Amethyst feels awful about it, dang.

ok. there’s a flower growin’ in the Kindergarten, and that should technically be impossible due to all of the nutrients in this one area being used up. this could be interesting.

ok, so now the trio is gonna farm & see what happens. ok, ok, i can roll with this i guess.

FARMING MONTAGE

look at them flowers

they proud

don’t make Peri live here

why the flamingo thingy taller than both of them

gods i didn’t need to see Steven happily showering

they’re talking about how the flowers are probs gonna look beautiful i bet they all died, they’re too positive about this. $5 them flowers are dead.

them flowers are dead,

...now they’re arguing, cause Peri blew up on them. alright. this ain’t good.

aaaaaaaaaaaand Peri crushed the original flower that grew here. both Steven & Amethyst made pained whimpers. ok. this ain’t good.

oh it’s a Gem creature- haven’t seen one of those in a while!

IT ATE PERIDOT HOLY FUCK

SMOKEY QUARTZ IS BACK

ngl i like Smokey’s theme music

btw there’s no dialogue from Smokey, just a quick 2 second thing

Peri doesn’t reform with a star on her

ok, that was kinda cute. and having a technician that also likes gardening is cute too

episode rating: 3.5 dead sunflowers outta 5. it was an okay episode & i did like it. 

SADIE KILLER

heh, i get it. cause lady killer.

oh god, that looks bad

WHY IS THAT MOP SO BIG

instead of reading off a long-ass list to the overly worked employee, just hand Sadie the list so she won’t fuck up?

“and a coffee. hold the coffee.” same tbh

oh. he’s in a band with the Cool Kids. WE GET TO SEE THE COOL KIDS!

“...i hope he [Lars] is safe and all, but working all these shifts by myself has been a huge drag” GIRL, LARS DIED IN SPACE AND IS STILL THERE

Steven stealing all the napkins is something i’d do tbh

man, i love the Cool Kids

is my girl Jenny rockin’ the bass? aaaaaaaaaaay!

Sour Cream, what the HECK IS RAP-A-BILLY?

“Doo-doo. Butt. The government corrupts” Buck is the voice of this generation

welcome to EB Games

they... they admitted to following her home from work....

“doo-doo. i think i broke your bed” Buck wtf

also, i guess them watching all of Sadie’s horror movies gave them inspiration to do that weird donut-brain-eating song. weird.

“we are the working dead, and we lurch for minimum wage” same Sadie

......ok, she’s freaking everyone out. and they look uncomfortable. Sadie, seriously stop. they’re concerned.

...she. put lipstick on her eyes.

see, if she wasn’t freakin’ everyone out with this, i’d say this song is a bop. 

ok they’re fine now & thought it was lit ok cool cool cool. i ain’t a big fan of the lyrics tbh, but i do like the song.

 “aww, doo-doo”

ok so Steven’s askin’ for advice on how to write horror-themed songs from Sadie. how about LARS DIED ON HOMEWORLD

SADIE’S ADVICE IS:

LOSE YOUR LIFE TO A BORING JOB

LOSE THE ONE PERSON YOU WERE CLOSE TO

LOSE YOUR MIND WORKIN A TON OF SHIFTS

GIRL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Steven puttin’ Sadie on blast, good lord he just sang an accidental roast tryin’ to sing shit like she does

HE STOLE ALL THE NAPKINS AGAIN

“you can’t help being cute no more than i can help being cool” Buck, you’re a blessing

“yoooooo, what if this is all a dream?” Buck, wtf?

oh. Sadie’s goin’ with them. okay. 

OH. SHE QUIT HER JOB. UM. OKAY?

episode rating: 3 funky riffs out of 5. Buck Dewey is great.

KEVIN PARTY

I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS EPISODE, BUT IMMA DO IT ANYWAY

DIDN’T EVEN START THE EPISODE AND I STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

let’s just get this over with...

why’d Steven wait this long to track down Lion?!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, here he is......

gods, i still hate him

stop being gross to kids, leave Steven and Connie alone ya freak

at least he knows they use they/them pronouns. 

how did he find out where Connie is? doesn’t she live far away from Beach City? did he track down these two kids just to “invite” Stevonnie?!

“no one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party” i sure as fuck would

lmao Kevin has an old phone

“your name’s Steven? weird, i thought your name was Clarence” OI, DON’T INSULT CLARENCE LIKE THAT

rude, Steven brought snacks and ya just toss ‘em into the void?

ok. he’s creepily obsessed with Stevonnie cause apparently they make parties and shit like that hella fun. um. stop? being obsessed with kids??

WTF WHY IS LION AT THE PARTY

Connie actually showed up. and had Lion the entire time. that’s. super fucked up. Lion is the ONLY way to get to Lars directly!

and also, there’s TWO KIDS AT A PARTY WITH OLDER PEOPLE?! NO ONE BUT DERRICK QUESTIONS THIS?

Kevin’s gonna try to get them to talk to each other... so they can form Stevonnie... so his party won’t suck...

also, he keeps calling them 7-year-olds........ siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, ok Kevin.

KEVIN YOU IDIOT LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER SO HE CAN SAY SORRY DON’T GIVE HIM YOUR “COOL GUY” BULLSHIT

“i need those old people to whisper my name when they die” tbh goals

“who’s Sabina?” Kevin got all red in the face and almost lost his cool

so Kevin’s gonna try to make Steven look like he’s moved on from Connie or some shit. this won’t end well.

NO, NOT DERRICK’S JACKET

now we get a montage of 2 kids being uncomfortable surrounded by older people at a party they should’t be at, ok.

at least Connie looks cute. and she got a haircut! so cute!

NOT CUTE NOT CUTE NOT CUTE

GOD, I HATE KEVIN

Steven, what are you doing?

STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ok, quick recap cause i didn’t mention this: Kevin thought Steven & Connie were dating, so, Connie only went to the party to see if Steven’s okay and if they could talk. Steven decided to follow Kevin’s advice for some reason, and Connie thinks Steve’s new BFF is Kevin, and Kevin has no concept of what friends are.

so. Connie didn’t text Steven cause she preferred talking face to face about this, and that texting him wasn’t good enough to work out these issues. very fair point. still don’t get why you legit stole Lion from him, but the not texting back thing makes complete sense.

ok, she rode Lion to his house while Steven, Greg & the Gems were away (the episode Gemcation). and that’s when she bumped into Kevin and got the invite. ok. now Kevin is slightly less creepy, but still disgusting nonetheless.

oh, yay! they’re talking it out! and Steven isn’t disregarding Connie’s anger!

yay! they’re friends again!

don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie.

LMAO GET FUCKED, KEVIN, THEY AIN’T FORMIN’ STEVONNIE

episode rating: 1 Lion out of 5. least fave episode, tbh. but hey, we got Connie back!

[bittersnakes]

Steven Hate

The time has come

I wanted to do this post for a while specially since people are apparently hating a lot more on Steven in this season than they did in any other

Steven is an adolesent he is not a child anymore he is 14 years old and even if he has some childish behaviors he has the maturity and understanding of his age, the reason we see him as a little kid comes from the sense of loss and confusion that he has over Gem stuff, he wasn't taught about his powers until he was of the appropriate age

Actually he didn't even live with the gems until he was like 10 or 12 years old according to the extended version of the intro

Steven isn't a child, he is still inocent but being inocent doesn't make you ignorant or childish

Steven has shown to have a lot of changes from season 1 to the point where he is now

He was always treated like a child and had a rose painted view of the world (yes I see the irony)

Greg and the gems always talked about his mother like she was flawless (as most parents do after the other parent die)because as a child he needed someone to look up to

He didn't really display any powers or magic even if he did have roses gem so the gems didn't really have high expetations

They didn't let him go to missions with them and all that stuff

They were focused on protecting Steven since to them he was uncapable of taking care of himself

Pearl specially didn't want to risk Steven or expose him to anything because she wanted to protect him

But obviously that sunshine and rainbows couldn't last forever

Since season 1 we have seen how Steven started developing his powers and with that he started to feel like a part of team instead of just watching from afar

He started doing things on his own even of they were dangerous (and he nearly killed himself a lot of times)

He started questioning the gems

(Don't go: What? But Steven is stupid he doesn't ask anything to the gems) because he does

He questioned Pearl's view when he saw the robonoid the first time

He didn't let pearls dissmisive attitude discourage him even when amethyst discouraged him too

He nearly killed himself to prove his point

He wanted to prove that he isnt stupid and the gems shouldn't try to dismiss his opinion just because he didn't have the same level of knowledge they did

He started getting involved

When Greg tried to take him away he came back because he felt he was capable of fighting too he wanted to

He wanted to defend his planet and his family

What we see here is a boy growing up

When you grow up you find out that your parents aren't always right and they can't always shield you from the real world

Children see their parents as the strongest most of the time

Stevens view was shattered when Pearl got poofed before his eyes for what I assume to be the first time

He was devastated

How could Pearl who has always been smart, quick and not really got much damage up to this point be gone like that?

The pink lenses started to fall

Then we get Lapis

Lapis was a homeworld gem

Not the first one to be introduced

Peridot was already there

But to the gems justifying most of their desicions to Steven up to this point was simple

Corrupted gems? Monster that don't reason and just attack (they knew it wasn't true but explaining Steven about the war wasn't an option at the time for obvious reasons

Steven later learns by himself thanks to centipeedle)

Peridot? She is the bad guy we are the good guys

As simple as that

But Lapis wasn't like peridot

She wasn't send by homeworld

Nor did she had "evil" intentions

She wanted to be free

That's when Steven gets to see the other side of the coin

Garnet wanted to trap her back on to Pearl's gem(out of fear lapis could harm Steven since they have that mentality that Homeworld= danger) and Steven knew the mirror was alive and talking to him

He stopped garnet and questioned her decisions for the first time

He was scared

Garnet was angry

But he knew what the correct choice was and he set lapis free

Then Lapis tried to steal the ocean

(not out of malice but to return to homeworld because her gem was broken)

And Steven knows he has to deal with his mistake for the first time

Lapis attacks them

And even with that

Steven knows she doesn't want to fight she just wants to go home

And he manages to help her be free

From this point on wards he knows the gems aren't the flawless all powerful being he had seen since he was born

He learns about the war

And the pain it caused on both sides

But it's still

We are the good guys they were the bad guys

At least until he meets eyeball and discovers that rose killed a diamond

That when his pink tower completely falls down

The gems keept that from him

They lied

And he finally realises that rose the very person that he looked up to and aspired to be isn't perfect

That's when he starts questioning all the pressure and expectations put on him by the gems and himself

Does he really want to be rose quartz?

Who is rose quartz?

What does she truly represent?

He tries to be better

He gets to change the gems stand on peridot and centipeddle

He gets to know peridot and teach her the wonders of earth

He gets to stop the cluster by talking to it

But suddendly he gets confronted by things he can't change

What rose did

Jasper (as much as I hate her) is a good change of stance

We have a gem that is bad for the sake of it (goes out of her job to cause as much pain as she can)

And even then Steven offers her a chance that she refused and her own pride was her downfall (unlike Lapis and Peridot)

But to Steven it isn't Jasper who failed it's him who failed to save her

But the thing is..

He would never be capable of saving Jasper from herself

She was already rotten

He meets bismuth and is again confronted by the reality that his mother did fucked up stuff

Bismuth (Unlike Jasper) isn't evil herself, she had a different stance on what they should do

The gems liked her

She was polite and charismatic and told him he didn't need to be rose

He could be better

But.. she wanted to kill the diamonds as a mean to stop them from oppressing gems

And he refuses

Bismuth has a meltdown and attacks him

Steven is pushed to do something he didn't want to do

But since he knows Bismuth didn't deserve what she got she tells the gems

Then there's Eyeball

He had to abandon her on to space

She didn't get bubbled she didn't get corrupted but she was victimized by rose (I will continue this later)

[hawanja]

Steven Universe - Why Hate Lapis Lazuli and hope she dies.

Hello everyone. Steven Universe is one of my favorite shows. With the wrap up of the series and recent movie it looks like we won’t be seeing much new material going forward (which is a shame.) There is still very little to complain about. However one character I never really liked is that of Lapis Lazuli. I was kinda hoping in the movie she would’ve gotten killed off, because I hate her and hope she dies. This of course, is just my opinion.

Put bluntly, she’s extremely selfish. When we first meet Lapis in “Mirror Gem,” she’s trapped inside of a magic mirror, presumably by Pink Diamond or whatever gem was in charge of Earth back in the day. I submit to you that this was probably a prison sentence, because she demonstrates a pattern of destructive, abusive, passive aggressive, narcissistic behavior that makes her a danger to everyone else around her. They stuck her in the mirror for a reason, which I hope to illustrate here.

After Steven frees her from the mirror, she thanks him by stealing all of Earth’s water. Every single drop of water on Earth, in some bizarre poorly thought out attempt to climb her way back to the gem homeworld. We’re never told how far away the Gem homeworld is, but it’s safe to assume it’s light years away. Did she really think she could just make a ladder and climb there? The nearest star to Earth is Proxima Centauri, which is 4.234 light years away, or 24,943,000,000,000 miles. Even if there were enough water on Earth or even the entire solar system to make a bridge to cover that distance, like even if that were possible, are you just gonna walk that distance? Presumably the Gem homeworld is even farther way that that. That is kinda the dumbest thing ever.

Then, when Steven and company chase her down to like, make her give back an entire planet’s water that she just straight up stole, she makes water copies of them and tries to kill them. She doesn’t explain herself, she doesn’t try to talk, she literally tries to have them murdered.

Then, after Steven looks past all this evil stuff and heals her anyway because he’s like, understanding and everything, she just bails. She doesn’t put the water back that she stole, she just peaces-the-fuck-out and flies away, leaving all of Earth’s water to come crashing down in a giant tidal wave. How many thousands (if not millions) of people drowned to death when every drop of Earth’s oceans came crashing down, all at once? The show doesn’t illustrate the human cost of Lapis’s little adventure, but seeing how we can logically infer that her actions caused world wide floods, tidal waves, Fukushima-style nuclear meltdowns, etc, it’s safe to say that human cost was “A LOT.”

Maybe this was because her gem was damaged or whatever. Well Amethyst’s gem also got damaged in the episode “Reformed,” we didn’t see her trying to steal all the water in the world, or try to kill Steven & the other crystal gems, or just nope-out once she got healed. She got all wonky but her personality wasn’t significantly changed, which forces me to conclude Lapis didn’t act this way because her gem was cracked, but because that’s her inherent personality. She simply doesn’t consider the damage her actions causes.

Anyway in “Jail Break” Steven saves her again, this time freeing her from prison inside of Jasper’s ship. (She flies home, and the first thing they do is throw her in jail - I told you she was a criminal.) This time after the ship crashes and Jasper is about to mess everyone up, she tricks Jasper into fusing with her - why? Why did she do this? She is capable of using her powers to steal all of Earth’s Oceans and make perfect copies of people and Gems which cannot be defeated in battle, and she could do all that stuff when her Gem was cracked, so she wasn’t even at her peak ability. She could’ve messed Jasper up ten times from Sunday, all by herself. She didn’t need to merge with Jasper to defeat her. No, she choose to do so because she wanted to hurt Jasper. That’s the only logical conclusion. She wanted revenge on Jasper for throwing her in prison. We also know that fusing with someone under false pretenses is essentially the gem form of rape (for example Pearl tricking Garnet into fusing then rebuilding the tower, so this is a cannon explanation.) So basically when Japser asks her to fuse, instead of just using her vast undefeatable water powers to squish Jasper like a bug, she instead decides to Gem-Rape her. It’s disgusting to think about.

Then after basically just torturing Jasper for months on end she finally goes to live with Peridot. All Peridot wants is for Lapis to like her, and Lapis just treats her like total garbage. She’s aloof, doesn’t talk to her, doesn’t even look at her when she does talk to her. She’s acts like a spoiled teenager forced to go shopping with her mom. Why does Peridot put up with her? She obviously doesn’t like you, Peridot. Stop wasting your time, she isn’t worth it.

She also has zero respect for Greg, like she barely tolerates his presence and stuff, which doesn’t surprise me seeing how she almost wiped out all life on Earth with her stealing-the-oceans bit. Greg is so cool that he doesn’t even give her any crap when she makes (bad) art out of HIS stuff, without even asking. All those radios and TVs and chairs and stuff? That all belongs to him, it’s *his* barn, and they just take it and make this stupid baloney out of it without even clearing it with him or even Steven first, and Greg’s so cool that he doesn’t blow his top, or ask them to reimburse him, because he’s cool as hell and doesn’t want to cramp their artistic vibe. But does she return the favor? Nope. She doesn’t care when he tries to get her to have fun when they go out on the boat and won’t wear the stupid captains hat. But she doesn’t just say “no thank you” when he offers her the hat, she has to borderline humiliate him and make it all awkward. Then, when Jasper shows up and begs her to take her back because she’s the victim of an abusive relationship and doesn’t know any better, she sinks the stupid rental boat which HE has to pay for by punching a hole through it.

Which just illustrates my point - she just punches Jasper into orbit. How come she didn’t do that last time, instead of tricking her into fusing? Because she wanted to torture and humiliate Jasper, because she’s a terrible person. Japser is the victim here.

THEN, after all this, Steven STILL likes her enough to let her live in his father’s barn. Steven is so cool that he’ll let anything slide, no matter how many millions of people you potentially killed. But the instant she finds out the Diamonds might come for Steven, she straight up bales, again. No explanation. No offering to help Steven. Just ups and Nopes-the-f-out, and also steals Greg’s entire barn with all of his stuff in it for good measure, because she’s a thief. Peridot has to go sleep in the goddamned bathroom after this, all rejected and feeling horrible.

So yeah, I don’t like Lapis. I think Steven should’ve kicked her out a long time ago, and I was really hoping White Diamond would’ve just obliterated her or something, because she deserves it.

But like I said, this is just my opinion.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 103: Bubbled

“If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything.”

In the middle of Act I of Steven Universe, Steven saves the Atlantic Ocean, and in the middle of Act II, he saves Earth. These are large-scale victories that show his growing capabilities as a Crystal Gem in the global sense: he’s a defender of the world and all its inhabitants, and has two major accomplishments to show for it.

The end of Act I is more of a personal fight. The only lives at stake are those of the Crystal Gems as they’re brought into space, and Steven takes a more passive role in the finale, helping here and there but ultimately having the day saved by Garnet (and, arguably, Lapis). And it turns out the pattern of a more extreme sequel in Act II continues: in Bubbled, the only life at stake is his own, and despite being far more competent than he was in Jailbreak, he needs to be saved by others once again, because he’s been shattered.

As with Jailbreak, Steven spends a good part of Bubbled with another ornery ruby who gripes “Great! This is just perfect!” and barely gives him the time of day at first. In both episodes he tries and fails to help this ruby: our Ruby runs off on her own in impatience, and Eyeball tries to shank him and must be ejected from his bubble. But something interesting happens when you compare these rubies further, because beyond their opposing loyalties, there’s one major difference between the two of them: Ruby has such a low opinion of herself that she doesn’t think it matters whether or not she gets hurt, while Eyeball has such a high opinion of herself that she dreams of being the hero who defeats Rose Quartz, complete with glory from the Diamonds (and her own pearl). And really, this is one of the things the show is all about.

The flaws of practically every character in Steven Universe come down to the dichotomy between insecurity and overconfidence. At a glance, we can read our heroes as insecure and our villains as overconfident (Pearl and Amethyst good, Jasper and Kevin bad), but the actual lesson is that everyone has insecurities, and overconfidence is more often than not a reaction to it. As we learn more about our smug villains, we see the shortcomings that drive that smugness, and only then can Steven bridge the gap towards friendship. Heck, Garnet is the only truly confident Crystal Gem, and while I wouldn’t quite call her smug, at her worst she evokes the ice cold certainty of Sapphire more than the exposed nerve of Ruby. Like our villains, she begins as a mysterious figure, and her arc in Act II involves letting her Ruby out to become more balanced: she better understands her insecure family by embracing the uncertainty within, and uses this growth to reach out and help an insecure enemy understand her in Log Date 7 15 2.  

Garnet might seem to have her act together compared to the other Crystal Gems, but let’s not forget that the emotionally healthiest character in the series is Greg Universe. He’s overconfident in flashbacks, but in the present is at peace with his shortcomings and happy with what he has without needing to compensate. He mourns Rose, but converts this grief into a celebration of his son’s life. Greg isn’t as dynamic a character as the rest because he’s already figured the important things out; he has his missteps, but his core is consistent and largely unchanging, even when he stumbles upon life-changing wealth. Steven tries to be like Rose throughout the series, but it’s not for nothing that Change Your Mind ties self-acceptance to sitting on the beach with a guitar.

I know I’m talking big picture here in terms of the characters and the series, but there’s not much to discuss about Bubbled at the surface level: it’s the misadventure of two enemies that sours to a breaking point, followed by a rescue. It’s actually a pretty slow bottle episode, consisting of a few long conversations broken up by two action sequences, and ending with another conversation. It’s similar in structure to Open Book and Gem Hunt, but far starker than either.

So the big picture is what matters when discussing Bubbled, because it’s a story about how Steven’s inner demons manifest, and will continue to manifest for the rest of the series. After all, Steven himself began as an overconfident kid, rushing into situations he wasn’t ready for and annoyed with not being considered a peer. He becomes far more tolerable after Steven and the Stevens, when he takes this attitude down a few notches and starts trying in earnest to catch up instead of looking for shortcuts or assuming he’s already there whenever anything goes right. But his insecurity is also clear, and now we get to really dig into the unique way this affects his character after examining how other insecurities affect other characters. 

Amethyst’s insecurity raises her defenses like a pufferfish. Pearl’s insecurity makes her insensitive to the needs of others. Ruby’s insecurity compels her to verbalize her own worthlessness (while Sapphire radiates confidence and is only insecure when her signature ability to be secure in the future is disrupted). Connie’s insecurity drives her to prove her worth to others. Peridot’s insecurity causes her to belittle others to make herself seem bigger. Lapis’s insecurity magnifies her suffering and minimizes the good. Bismuth’s insecurity inspires her to overcommit to a righteous cause. Sadie’s insecurity lets people walk all over her until she snaps. Lars’s insecurity makes him a huge jerk. And Steven’s insecurity fuels a martyr complex that’s cranked up to life-threatening heights in Act III.

The most important choice Steven makes in Bubbled is a mind-numbingly stupid one: to tell Eyeball that he’s Rose Quartz, and to then do everything in his power to convince her. Eyeball is the reason he learned Rose shattered Pink Diamond, and she has given every indication that she despises Rose for this, and she’s an especially aggressive member of an aggressive team made of Gems designed to be aggressive. Steven’s reveal comes after Eyeball has made it explicit that her lingering hatred of Rose is the reason she even came to Earth. He’s alone in space with someone who will try to hurt him if she thought he was Rose (and who already wants to hurt him), and he has proven throughout Act II that he’s neither dumb nor naive enough to not understand the likely outcome here. But he says he’s Rose anyway, because he’s so obsessed with helping people that he's willing to put his own safety at risk just to cheer up an enemy. 

There are other reasons I think it makes sense for him to make such an obvious mistake. He’s definitely in shock, but he’s also grumpy and takes Eyeball’s disbelief as a challenge. This is an irrational decision made by someone who isn’t in a rational state of mind. But this only makes it more compelling that his gut instinct, the essence of Steven that emerges from this emotional turmoil, is to help someone else. We’ve already had a whole episode about balancing the needs of others with the needs of yourself in Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, but remember, that episode ends with Steven falling asleep standing up, because he ignored his own health to help Kiki learn that lesson.

Steven’s greatest strength creates his greatest weakness. He’s empathetic and sensitive, and can do amazing things because of it, but he needs to value himself as much as he values everyone around him. Act III sees him stumble and scramble through more trying times than ever, and until Connie finally calls him out on it, he compounds his troubles with his self-sacrificial mindset. He’s not suicidal by any stretch, but he decides his own needs are irrelevant when others need help, which ironically makes him more selfish than ever as he determines that he and he alone can save the day and stop his friends from getting hurt. And even when the cosmic scale fades away, his obsession with helping others to distract from himself becomes the driving conflict of Steven Universe Future.

Eyeball works wonders as a foil: she opposes Steven, but isn’t savvy enough to manipulate him on purpose, so his error is both obvious and unforced. Telling her that he’s Rose Quartz needs to say more about him than about the person he’s telling, and Eyeball is just flat enough of a character that she doesn’t steal his spotlight.

Charlyne Yi once again kills it, and little moments do personalize Eyeball further, even if it’s nothing groundbreaking. The biggest, in my mind, is commanding Steven to “find cover, soldier!” as asteroids approach, despite their antagonistic relationship: her instinct to act as a team trumps her personal disdain for Steven, and while he assumes later that the two are bonding, this is as close as I think she actually gets to reciprocating. We see her get annoyed at being called Eyeball, which is a nice and reasonable gripe from a character whose gripes we tend to disagree with. And I love that her weapon is less of a knife and more of a shiv, with a squared edge that implies she’s got a really strong stabbing arm.

Like I said, she’s still flat—we may see her quirks here, but she doesn’t change at all over the course of the episode and we already knew she was a proud warrior Gem with a stubborn streak—but it works. It’s weird to use “flat” as a compliment, but I do mean it as such. She isn’t the real villain here, and “defeating” her feels more like failure than victory: Mindful Education hammers home that this is the third enemy Gem in a row that Steven couldn’t help, no matter how hard he tried.

While Bubbled feels pretty slow, it helps that the whole thing is beautiful to look at. The opening shot of Steven tumbling through space from his own point of view gets us right into the game, and the loneliness and sheer terror of his situation is highlighted with gorgeous, silent shots of space. Steven is processing a huge shift in perspective, and the setting reflects the magnitude of his new reality.

And then, to add an auditory counterpart to the visual story, his rescue is punctuated by Rebecca Sugar finally finishing Love Like You.

The song has played over the closing credits since the beginning of the series, using a variety of instruments before the lyrics trickled in. An acoustic version accompanies the end of Ocean Gem, as Steven celebrates with the humans and the Gems discuss what Lapis’s escape means for the future. A haunting reprise, unrecognizable at first while Steven struggles to find himself, joins the end credits for Act III. And wouldn’t you know, it’s a song about insecurity.

When I first heard Love Like You, and for years after, I was convinced that it was sung by Rose. Rebecca Sugar herself said that it wasn’t written with a particular character in mind, but nope, for me it was definitely about Rose. She’s singing to Greg about how she wants to capable of loving the way humans can, and Steven is the result of the conversation. And I still think that reading stands, and that it matters, but songs can be about more than one thing.

This is the third of four songs that encapsulate the two big lessons I take from Steven Universe. Strong in the Real Way reconstructs the notion of what true strength is, and alongside Stronger Than You, we’re told that what matters most is doing the right thing and being a good person, even when it’s hard, and that healthy relationships (romantic, familial, platonic, whatever) help make this possible. 

Love Like You and our fourth big song, Change Your Mind, similarly work as a duo: where the Strong Songs are about the importance of relationships to emotional strength, Love Like You and Change Your Mind address how we as individuals can be strong in the real way. It’s important to have healthy relationships, but it’s also important to love yourself, and Love Like You is about that second part: the most loving network in the world can’t fix your insecurity if you’re unable to see yourself the way your loved ones do. 

As Love Like You plays in the background, with the first non-diegetic lyrics we’ve heard in the series, Steven is finally told the truth. Garnet is right that Steven’s mother would have done anything for Earth, and while the details of her misdeeds are hazy at this point, the result is the same. Steven can no longer look to his mother as a paragon of virtue, and even though the Crystal Gems love him, they can’t fix this new problem, especially if their secrecy is part of the problem. They think the world of Steven, and now it’s up to him to see that he can do about anything. He could even learn how to love.

Future Vision!

Eyeball knows Rose Quartz not by her shield, but her sword. And we know Eyeball witnessed the “shattering” of Pink Diamond. And we know that Rose’s sword was built to not harm a Gem’s gem. Hints abound.

The chase around the bubble ends because Steven stops and wonders aloud what would happen if his gem was taken. It’s the first time the subject is broached on the show. It isn’t the last.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Bubbled touches on major themes of the series, but in a bubble on its own, the glacial pace hinders the storytelling. This is a great finale, but it’s not that great of a solitary episode. I like it fine, there are a lot of great things about it (the art in particular), but I don’t rank this one very high by itself.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 93: Alone at Sea

“But why would a fish ever bite a hook?”

Something I don’t believe I’ve mentioned here before is that both of my parents are ministers. I myself am not religious (not because of trauma or anything, my folks are great), but I was raised in the Presbyterian Church by a mom and dad who often saw things through a “hey, that could be in a sermon!” lens, and that tends to rub off on a kid. Not to oversell the value of these posts, but it’s not lost on me that I ended up writing something to share with people every Sunday. I can think of worse people to emulate.

So it’s hard for someone like me not to notice that Gems take crucial steps towards becoming Crystal Gems through some pretty baptismal circumstances. I’m not saying the symbolism is intentional, because neither aquatic rituals nor the show’s crew are uniquely Christian—Rebecca Sugar, for instance, comes from a Jewish background—but we’ve yet to see a Gem fall in love with Earth without being reborn through water. Peridot first bonds with Steven in the rain. Ruby and Sapphire land on solid ground together in the rain. Pink Diamond and Pearl first realize they need to rebel as a storm brews.

And then there’s Lapis Lazuli. 

Lapis literally entered the series because Steven broke a mirror, so it’s no wonder she’s misfortune personified. Bad things happen to Lapis. Bad things happen because of Lapis. And sure enough, she might control the same waters that herald rebirth for other Gems, but she’s also consumed by them. Her old life can’t get washed away because she’s still submerged. So an episode about Steven trying to reconnect her with water is bound to be a bit more complex than a joyous scene in the rain.

Alone at Sea takes us to a dark place for Steven Universe, even compared to its preceding episode, the harrowing Monster Reunion. Plenty of bad things have happened to our characters, but for the first time since the Week of Sardonyx we must confront that one of our characters has herself intentionally done a bad thing. Not day-to-day meanness or misguided acts of loyalty to Homeworld, but something truly awful. Almost as if we’re priming for some big reveal about a core character’s moral ambiguity at the end of the season. 

This isn’t to say that Lapis, who also entered the series by stealing the ocean and battling the Crystal Gems, is a stranger to doing bad things. But there’s a gulf of difference between seeing magic antagonist stuff and the learning that she was abusive to her ex. Not many kids are gonna cause marine catastrophes, but way too many kids are gonna have to deal with abusive relationships one day, so Alone at Sea can’t help but feel more raw.

The first moments of the episode show that Lapis is more than her suffering; she’s capable of having genuine fun, especially with Steven. She hints at her deeper issues by insisting she doesn’t deserve to be treated nicely, but she’s just as quick to snort with laughter. And even after boarding the rechristened Li’l Lappy, she’s willing to give happiness a shot. While she’s uncomfortable about dipping her toe in the water, she still finds moments of joy (particularly when it comes to horns). But more often than not, this positive outlook is hindered by her crewmates.

Greg, bless him, hurts more than he helps. He introduces himself as the guy whose leg Lapis broke, his discomfort around her water powers stifles her floundering self-confidence, and he bores her to death with regular fishing. Likewise, while Steven means well, he’s overbearing in his attempts to make Lapis happy. As awkward as it is, I’m glad the show acknowledges how easy it can be to mess up when trying to cheer up a friend in the dumps. Despite Steven’s apology about pushing too hard, we don’t get an explicit lesson about paying attention to how your friends are feeling instead of steamrolling them with fun. This isn’t a criticism: it’s okay to not get explicit lessons all the time, and it’s a nice change of pace from the show’s recent string of episodes that outright tell us the moral, even though these morals are sound.

Everything comes to a head when the rudder is thrown off, veering Li’l Lappy and her namesake off course. Steven gives that apology, but Lapis reiterates that she doesn’t deserve his help, and this time we learn why: as brutal and bullying as Jasper is, in some twisted sense Lapis learned to love their toxic relationship, using it to take all her grief and rage out on Jasper. We saw a hint of her aggression in Chille Tid, but in Jennifer Paz’s best delivery of the episode, Lapis reveals that she misses Malachite. And right on cue, the opportunity to fuse with Jasper again reveals itself.

Jasper’s last lines that weren’t just shouting “YOU!” at Steven were all the way back in Jailbreak, but Kimberly Brooks is worth the wait. Her hungry correction that she was “looking for you” instead of the crew as a whole is perfect (the woman knows her way around second person pronouns), and she manages to become even scarier when she transitions from menacing to begging. All at once we see that Jasper is still monstrous, but has been changed by Lapis. Not in the way she’s saying when trying to convince Lapis to fuse again—there’s little indication that Malachite would be any healthier if she came back—but in the way this massive warrior is on her knees pleading to essentially be made a prisoner again.

From her debut, Lapis has been the most powerful being on Earth by a country mile thanks to her mastery of its most abundant resource. She effortlessly bested the Crystal Gems in Ocean Gem, and had the mental fortitude to overcome Jasper’s iron will and wrest control of Malachite. But only now, in Jasper’s pleas, does a character finally acknowledge Lapis’s power. It speaks volumes to their relationship, because it’s not just about control and manipulation: at some level, beneath all the toxicity, Jasper understands Lapis in a way others don’t. It’s not enough to make them a functional couple, but it shows that there’s an uncomfortable level of nuance even in relationships that are obviously bad. It would be much easier to write either Jasper or Lapis off as totally rotten, but Malachite wouldn’t work without a hint, however small, of real affection. 

Malachite made both Jasper and Lapis feel stronger, but they weren’t strong in the real way: they were suffering, and instead of trying to fix this problem, they each learned to like the suffering. And it might be easy to place more blame on Jasper than Lapis, because even here we see how manipulative and violent she can be, but Alone at Sea doesn’t shy away from Lapis’s complicity even when presenting her in a more heroic light. Steven doesn’t call her out on her behavior, but he doesn’t exactly correct her when she reveals how terrible she’s been.

Back in It Could’ve Been Great and Message Received, we got a taste of uncertainty in terms of Peridot’s future. Sure, a promo spoiled that she was staying with the Crystal Gems, but otherwise there was no telling whether she was a temporary addition. Lapis has the same quality, but amplified to a thrilling degree due to her rockier stance with the Crystal Gems. When I first watched Alone at Sea, I legitimately didn’t know what would happen next. Lapis was such a new and tenuous ally and had so much baggage with Jasper that it wouldn’t have shocked me if she had gone back to being Malachite, especially considering how underused Malachite ended up being. It gives the episode way higher stakes than, say, the Week of Sardonyx, where despite the turmoil you could pretty much guarantee that the Crystal Gems would come out of it okay. Lapis is fundamentally not okay, so anything could happen.

And that actual chance of returning to Jasper makes Lapis’s rejection so much more triumphant. She seems to sincerely consider Jasper’s offer, even when she sounds sickened by the prospect, but when given a true choice she’s able to see past her longing for that life. Malachite began with Jasper’s forceful “Just say yes,” and she can’t come back if Lapis says no. It might be alluring, but unlike Jasper, Lapis refuses to take the bait. 

I haven’t gushed about Aivi and Surasshu for a while, have I? I’ll be honest, a big part of that is that with the release of Steven Universe’s first soundtrack, the composers stopped releasing background tracks on the internet, and only several years later have these tracks finally popped up again. Access to their music got scarcer and scarcer, but I’m so glad that before it dried up, we got the instrumentation of this final sequence, because it’s really something.

As the clouds gather and she talks about her time fused with Jasper, we hear the buildup of Lapis’s darker theme, and the moment she reveals that she misses being Malachite, the fusion’s ominous two-note motif clangs just once. The track is soon overtaken by Jasper’s synth drum war march, with only hints of Lapis’s celesta leaking in (just like in The Return), but as Jasper begs to fuse again we get the very first quiet version Malachite’s motif (at 1:49, it’s so easy to miss); the fusion’s theme is no longer a force of nature, but a desperate plea. 

A piano rendition of Lapis’s theme drowns out Jasper as she considers her options. Strings build to the same fever pitch that we got when Lapis first agreed to dance, but they fade to a quiet conclusion as she refuses to go back to Malachite. Jasper’s drums make one last appearance as she lashes out at Steven, but Lapis’s counterattack is as musically calm as her rejection. Lapis could have gotten loud, dramatic variants of her theme for her one-two punch defending herself and then Steven, and it would have sounded awesome, but instead both big moments show that she’s shunning loudness for peace. Tying all these musical themes together is impressive enough, but that restraint ties the whole scene together.

Jasper is about to dominate the final arc of the season in a story that has nothing to do with Lapis, but everything to do with Lapis. It’s safe to say Jasper doesn’t handle their breakup well, and her collection of Corrupted Gems is less a matter of a soldier raising an army and more a jilted lover looking for acceptance after being abandoned for what’s likely the first time in her very long life. This is the first in a string of blows that knock Jasper down more than her fight with Garnet ever did: it’s one thing to lose, but it’s another to be rejected, and until Jasper learns to make a change, rejection is the only future she’s got.

Lapis goes right back to being an angsty teen after this, despite getting more comfortable around Peridot. But Alone at Sea makes me appreciate her eventual abandonment of Earth when the going gets tough again, because while it’s not the right thing to do, it makes sense that a character with massive unresolved trauma would follow the most defensive instincts possible to avoid further pain. I’m not huge on the show just saying Lapis did something awful and not following it up with much soul-searching, but she does plenty of work outside of Jasper and perhaps it’s for the best that she focused on less toxic parts of her life for self-improvement.

The big bummer of Lapis and Jasper’s story is that it never really resolves: even when Jasper halfway reforms, she and Lapis will never share a screen again, let alone have a conversation. I’m not saying I want a reconciliation, but apology is good for the soul, so I hope that someday Little Homeworld sees a moment where Lapis says she’s sorry for her part in Malachite’s agony, even if Jasper was worse.

Still, seeing Lapis refuse to re-fuse still works as a resolution to the episode, if not the arc. And she does work on her issues in other ways, even if Jasper doesn’t. But even though this is their last interaction in the series, admitting your mistakes and choosing not to repeat them is itself a noble step.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

She’s not even in the episode, but Pearl and her swim cap are the winner of this entry. Does nobody else care about their hair?

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

This is our second excellent feel-bad episode in a row. We may not ever get an acknowledgement about the abusive nature of Lars and Sadie’s relationship in Island Adventure, but at least we have this episode addressing the issue.

(Bear in mind I’m not champing at the bit for more abusive relationships in children’s media, but if you’re going to have them, I just think it’s irresponsible not to use them as an educational tool, is all.)

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure