#LUGAW IS LIFE

[kimhortons]

Lugaw Dates.

we do this every weekends, kapag nagpapa sentro kami para mamalengke o may kailangan bilhin at hindi malala ang topak ng sikmura ko haha.

4 years and a half with this person feels like forever na since hindi naman talaga ako suki ng mga long term relationships noon, sabi ko nga mas okay ako ng LDR kasi kung lagi ko nakikita madali ako magasawa, kaya tingin ko challenge din sakin ngayon na mas lagi na kami magkasama unlike before, actually mas napapadalas ang tampuhan, pero madali rin ma resolve, though over petty things lang naman talaga siya.

but me as a hopeless romantic before na gusto ng fairytale love life at top 1 pa sa love language ko ang quality time, sobrang importante sakin na we go on dates on a regular basis at simpleng playing online games or watching movies together lang. okay na okay na ako dun.

ang problema kasi namin minsan, sa sobrang pagka introvert ni J, tamad na tamad siya lumabas. minsan pati pag aya na mag laro ng games o manuod ng movies, ayaw niya. ewan ko kung trip niya lang o nagsasawa na ba siya? pero tuwing tatanungin ko naman siya hindi naman daw. kaya ko nasasabi minsan na ako nalang nag aadjust. ako kasi parang sanay ako sa routine at consistency, medyo narealize ko lang din recently, hindi lang sakanya, kahit sa mga friends ko kaya madali ako maka ramdam kapag may energy shift even with people i barely interact with. i dunno kung ako lang ba or ganun talaga haha.

pag may mga ganitong moment kami na kailangan ko mag open up sakanya about sa nafifeel ko, napag uusapan naman namin ng maigi, bumabawi naman siya. pero minsan babalik. i guess magiging ganun na talaga ang set up, lalo kapag nag decide kami magpakasal—walang katapusang pag aadjust at pag unawa nalang ang gagawin. but we'll always make sure na we work on things that we lack of.

anyway, kung nagbabasa man yung nag anon na very quick to judge at mag bigay ng unsolicited advice, ayun as usual hindi naman big deal sakanya na nagkakagusto ako sa iba, as long as wala kaming ginagawang move para malagay sa alanganin yung relationship namin, we're good. sabi ko nga sa inyo, very supportive yan sa lahat ng bagay. lol. and it's clear na mukhang hindi mo naman talaga naintindihan yung pinost ko. so whatever. haha.

[jennylynsstuff]

Blog Making (Build your profile)

Introducing Jennylyn Rosagaran, a dynamic 18-year-old currently navigating the halls of Grade 12 at PHCM. Amid the pages of her life story, Jennylyn weaves the threads of family dynamics—her mother, an OFW crafting dreams afar, and her father, the entrepreneurial maestro behind a thriving lugaw business. The household rhythm is completed by the lively presence of a younger brother, adding a touch of youthful exuberance.

Credentials and/or Achievements:

Despite my journey beginning in elementary, accolades haven't adorned my path. However, each step has been a lesson, a foundation for the achievements yet to unfold. The absence of formal recognition has fueled a resilient spirit, propelling me to seek success beyond conventional measures.

Interests and/or Hobbies:

Inspired by my father's passion of entrepreneurship, I am fascinated by the complex dance of business. His experience has been my compass, helping me to solve the riddles of entrepreneurship and learn how to make aspirations come true. Outside of the boardroom, I enjoy playing Call of Duty Mobile and perfecting my strategic tactics in virtual combat. I like the fascinating worlds of anime while indulging in a satisfying food since I am an avid enthusiast. And you may find me loving the fire of a workout—a dedication to a healthy mind in a lively body—in those infrequent times between studies and family. Welcome to the diverse tapestry that shapes my world.

[kengkastanyas]

Food Ask

1. What’s your comfort food?

2. What’s your favorite ulam?

3. Which fast food do you like the most?

4. How often do you eat fast food?

5. What unhealthy food you love?

6. How do you ensure that you have healthy diet?

7. How often do you eat out?

8. What do you look for in a restaurant?

9. Do you enjoy trying new foods, or do you prefer to stick to familiar dishes?

10. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you choose and why?

1. lugaw na color yellow na onti lang luya 🤣

2. adobong chicken feet 🥹

3. breakfast - mcdo, tapos kahit saan na. haha

4. not often, once or twice a month

5. fishball

6. incorporate ng veggies as much as possible

7. once or twice a month? pag sinipag lumabas.

8. Ung kaya kong kainin para di sayang budget

9. both

10. hala adobong chicken feet pa din 🥹

[lifeandspices]

Do you still remember the first time you set foot in Baguio? I do. It was in the cold month of February in 2013. I was with my former colleagues and we went there to witness the Penagbenga Festival. It was too crowded, I must tell you. But never did it discourage me to go back there every time an opportunity presents itself.

There are tourist places I have not yet explored in Baguio however that’s the least of what gravitates me towards it. Been years already since I set foot in Baguio due to the pandemic. Add to it, I moved away from Manila. So that’s about 20 hours travel time - give or take, if I plan to visit the City of Pines again.

What I missed most about Baguio was its cool weather and fresh, delicious food. Para kasing the first few visits, given na sakin na I want to see the tourist spots like the Mines View na ‘di yata nauubos ang tao o Burnham park na andaming bangka. When you get to see all of these, you really just endure a 4-6 hours bus ride just to experience comfort. Like a home or place I never grew up from pero it brings me so much nostalgia like ano ba, strawberry ba ako sa La Trinidad sa past life ko? Ahaha!

Honestly, I envy people who lives in Baguio or got the chance to study there during their College years. E di sana may chance na clear skin ako now. E wala, sabi ni Lord - ilalagay kita sa lugar na may Mt. Mayon. Can’t complain either, I love that moody, little gal especially on a clear day or cloudless night sky.

Lastly, I missed the late night walks in the city. The feeling of cold breeze on your face as you walk. That’s why I prefer staying in a hotel just close to Session Road para accessible. I would end up the night getting myself a bowl of lugaw (there’s a good one just below SM Baguio btw!) or corn on a stick from the night market then head back to the hotel.

There’s always a little joy in my heart every time I prepare for bed and put on that thick, warm comforter. Ang saya-saya matulog ng malamig. Little things in life that I don’t get to experience always kasi ang init-init, sa Manila man or sa probinsya namin. So I guess strawberry talaga ako in my past life. Ciao!

[timelesskaleidoscope]

"Blood, Sweat, Tears and Smiles"

A familiar face and voice welcomes the little one in this beautiful world. The birth of a child is another step towards a lifelong journey of motherhood and welcoming of a new life. 

On a really hot Monday afternoon, September 2, 2024 , we have the opportunity to interview and have a sneak peak on the life of Blessie, a mother of an infant, about her life long journey of being a mother to 2 beautiful children and a happily married wife. 

Blessie’s youngest baby, Keonna, had a rocky and overwhelming start on this world. After she was born, she was in and out of hospital for nearly a month due to blood infection, cough and runny nose. “Lisod ug hadlok kay sulod gawas siya sa hospital tas akoang lawas garecover pa gikan panganak kay gi cesarian ko” Blessie shared. Thankfully after multiple vaccines and medicines, the brave little Keonna recovered, discharged and was ready to go home. For the last 8 months, Keonna fully recovered and grew, receiving love from her mother, father, older sister, family members and friends, and neighbors. When asked about the development and skills of her baby, “ Kabalo na siya mag close open sa iyahang kamot ug kabalo na siya muligid ug kamang” Blessie replied with a proud look on her face, looking at her little Keonna at the floor crawling and enjoying the company of her neighbors. 

When it comes to Keonna’s cognitive and socioemotional development, Blessie notices that Keonna is curious and interested about the things around her. “Masigi siyag lingi lingi sa palibot, ug tawagon siya mura pug siyag naminaw. Ganahan pud ni siya mutan aw sa kanang mga dulaan na nagbitay bitay iyahang tan-awon tas kab-oton” Blessie stated sweetly. “Muila pud ni si Keonna kay ug dili familiar ang nawong na iyahang makita kay muhilak siya” Blessie added as she watches Keonna crying while being held by one of her neighbors. Baby Keonna’s cognitive and socioemotional development such as her recognition and thinking skills can be observed when it comes to her interaction with unfamiliar and familiar faces, her actions towards toys, and towards the people calling her name. It is also noticeable that Keonna does not cry when being held by people she often sees and recognizes. In terms of Keonna’s physical development, Blessie stated that Keonna’s weight and body is normal for her month.” Nistop na siyag breastfeed pagka 2 months niya mao gigatas na namo siya tas ginapakaon pud nako siyag lugaw” Blessie stated.”Si Keonna kay mas active ug gabie kay dili siya katulog mao pulaw ko ug gabie kay muhilak man siya ug lihokan”. It is noticeable that baby Keonna is well fed and is receiving enough nutrients through drinking formula milk. Keonna easily cries and becomes irritated due to her teeth growing and hot weather yet overall Keonna is a healthy and cute little baby.

Blessie faces challenges throughout her journey in motherhood as well as being a wife yet she manages it with grace, strength, determination and love. “Naa guy times na lisod kay kailangan man namo palitan ug gatas ug mga needs si Keonna. Ga eskwela pud iyahang ate ug highschool mao daghan ug gasto. Dako sila ug gap, 13 years ilahang gap ni Keonna ug iyahang ate” Blessie shared. “Pero mamanage man pud kay todo supporta ug ga provide pud akoang bana mao makaya ra mao gapasalamat pud ko. Akoa pud magulang na anak kay siya na muatiman sa iyahang sarili pag mu eskwela” Blessie added as she smiles and faces the challenges with bravery and gratefulness.

Despite her share of struggles and challenges in life, she manages to balance it. “Lisod gud pero kayanon para nila, akoa nalang ikatulog ug hilak kung kapoy na kaayo. Dako pud katabang akoa Bana kay siya may mulihok ug sakit akoang tahi, likod ug akoang lawas. Naa guy times na kapoy na kaayo ko kay kulang tulog”  Blessie shared with a hint of sadness and tears in her eyes. . 

Even with those struggles and challenges of being a mother especially having an infant, Blessie was full of joy and love towards her family. The strength, gratefulness, and God-fearing attitudes of Blessie enlightens their home, giving it a warm feeling of love, laughter and togetherness. She is always positive and excited about the future development of her children.

“Akong wish lang gud sa ilaha na mudako sila na maka-diyos ug good health pirmente ug malipayon sila” Blessie wishes from the bottom of her motherly heart towards her children. “ Bahala nag walay akoa basta mahatag nako tanan sa ilaha mahappy na pud ko” Blessie stated. A sentence that can stand against all the challenges and storms in life, showcasing the sacrifices, strength, happiness and never ending love of a mother.

[crescentaindahauz3]

Daily Journal: Self Reflection (Thursday, August 22, 2024)

So my friends and I decided to go to one of our friend's house to bond, eat, talk, and etc. We heard so many stories and made each other cry because of the traumatic experiences that one of my friends suffered, but still we were able to share emotions, advice, comments, reactions, and many more. So many things happened like we played in the playground, wandered all over Lumina Imus and we ate lugaw while talking with our personal life. So, I relfected myself that I can socialize somehow without being shy to talk, laugh and play stuff for them because in reality, I don't really like to chitchat even with my classmates since senior high school or I'm such a loner student but luckily i had only one friend. I'm so greatful that I have friends who accept me and having these good people this college life like i didn't even expect.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

5.8.24 Wednesday

1:13 am

Still,have windblow... My skin is super itchy at my back and chest part and some lower part at my back... I know it is sign of healing, I hope and pray...

Another video it is about "Girl Code"...

3:45 am

My skin at my back is painful and itchy...I can't sleep...

8:37 am

Uncle DD gave us a lugaw or branded porridge from hotel... It is yummy...

Again,there is a weird thing on Uncle DD....

9:43 am

I don't feel my 2 Uncle's or not my ideal life here to be with them coz they really can't assist me correctly and there are so many unfair mysteries on me, I can't run as much as I wanted to... Still,no wifi...I will ask Ely for assistance again and in a lil while will apply and I don't know if Uncle DD is doing something at my back...

12:03 noon

Still,have windblow... We already had brunch of porridge??? Huh? That's it???.

I'm drinking iced latte now and reviewing English,in a lil while will apply again... Probably in Teleperformance Molino here in my fucking hometown Dasmarinas Cavite... I'm lazy to go far but will check the salary...

I still wanna get Pilot Garret and waiting for his big heart for me....

On my vanity, I still wanna get nose perfection in time... I wanna do gluta vampire yellow skintoned... I need to save money for that or Pilot Garret will fix me... I badly need a foot spa as well... I need botox and some peeling on my butt coz it was white and smooth before.I just need to return myself, my original persona... But while waiting for my love Pilot Garret, I need to work coz I also wanna travel and buy stuff for my baby-John.

I feel so frustrated coz it's been 17 years already, sometimes I really wanna cry...

12:15 noon

For that particular DJ go to hell coz you are so mean to me,your comment on your radio...

2:46 pm

I still have windblow...I feel so ugly....I feel bitter....I wanna get a breast implants to get Pilot Garret...

I feel bitter...Did Mitch give me a simple battery? Then,what???

I feel so ugly...

4:39 pm

Thanks Ely for these.... 786 my total creditz on Ely...

This is local brand let's see and I hope it is effective... I know the other ointments but I just wanna check if these will be effective on "sweat rash"... It is indicated that these are for sweat rash or eczema or other rashes...

On Doc Ibias I borrowed this....

My creditz is 291 pesoses...

5:17 pm

Before exercising I wanna breathe in and out, outside our living room on the living door room here, in front while sipping my coffee then this baby John will not stop calling me... My moment on mama mia is on a pause suddenly...

Will Pilot Garret show his big heart for me???

I will try my best to be sexy and sexier for Pilot Garret...

6:17 pm

Mama Mia....

8:06 pm

Done ,exercising... I wanna get Pilot Garret... I wanna leave Cavite... Not my ideal life here with my 2 uncle's...

I need a lift Pilot Garret... I feel so jealous on things that I don't know that I must know...

I wanna travel and longing to have friends that I will be the center... I miss having attention.

I wanna travel, I feel self-pity since 2007 that I can't get a new bf and new friends... Old friends seem fakers they are all gone for 17 years..

Suddenly I have soul interference.... I suddenly feel irritated... Still, have windblow...

8:16 pm

I feel suddenly bloated and vomiting and irritated... Weird!

8:32 pm

Weird! I feel like vomiting... I wanna leave Cavite...

9 pm

I vomited it is weird....It is weird...

9:36 pm

I want Pilot Garret be blackened so that he can save me....I feel bullshit for 17 years... I feel bullshit... I just feel ugly...

If Pilot Garret will be blackened his handsome face will be lesser,then probably nobody will like him anymore but me... I just feel like I need to get him,my last flight... I have to get him... I badly need to get him...

I want a new environment away from here...I need new friends like a child transferring to a new place to grow and progress...

[yourlifeandfinancegal]

Imagine, opening your online bank account or any social media accounts,

Tapos mali yung password,

Siyempre di ka naman susuko agad.

You will type any password na alam mong ginagamit mo.

Haha.

Ganon din sana tayo sa pangarap natin in life.

Na gagawan parin natin ng paraan kahit na mali yung una nating subok,

Kasi kagaya ng password natin,

Tayo din yung nakakakilala sa sarili natin.

Alam natin yung strenght and weaknesses natin,

Alam natin yung mga ways na dapat nating subukan.

Ayon lang,

Sana masarap almusal mo today.

Ako kasi naubusan ng lugaw at itlog sa nagbebenta dito samin eh.

Better luck tomorrow 😆

Ps. Kamusta din pala finances mo? DM me for free financial assesment.

Ps.2 : I am currently an insurance advisor from Sunlife ☀️

[nonamem9]

warning: pdf file, very long not recommend to read

slept after eating lugaw this morning, got this vivid and very long and detailed dream

stepping to zack jerryringeverything's store, a place that appeared in a previous dream i felt like few or several years ago

he acts and looks a bit odd than his youtube persona as if he's hiding his disability, and he is starting to close down his shop because of lower sales, i asked about the sales pre pandemic vs now, it was 440k vs 110k. he talked about flash games are becoming popular again since theyre a bit easy and faster to download.

met this one kid (2d animated) and his blue floating animated bean friend (3d animation that looks like 2d)

i mentally called the bean guy an "imaginary friend" when he's physically real and can interact the world around him, just a lack of a better term at the moment.

we spotted a tricycle nearby us and inside the passenger area ifound tin can of tuna that shows a flash game called "s[something something here] x madelline" a giant futa fucking a tiny madeline, theres a note saying about the creator might've regretting this making it public before he got caught

this is where the plot starts to kick in

the animated kid and the animated bean dude talks about this mysterious guy being a fuckin weirdo to his friend that is a girl, she is dead

this is now an episodic tv show that the kid and the bean are the main character/narrator telling a story about the protagonist, i am merely the listener "reliving" the horrible memories of the crime that he witness slowly unfold, sometimes i am in there sometimes im just a reacting voice

back at the jerryrigeverything shop where other people just hang out and discuss stuff, back at the flash game talk and someone is playing one h flash game and the grandma knows the details and makes innuendos

we felt very weird so the 3 of us fuckin left and run, the blue bean esaping first in the speed of sound, then the kid, after him its me runnin

almost irrelevant cgi scene sequence on new york's grid city formation that doesn't stylistically fit the "real life/live action and 2d and 3d animation" aesthetic, spinning slowly built buildings with the name of the tower/complex like "twitchy city building" which is pathetically short for a "skyscraper"

back to the normal show

some flashbacks to the friend that became a victim and died

we're at what seems to be a store on a mixed use area, in the store is a photoshoot place of 3 people who are vtubers, one of them is the pdf file criminal, they're all 3d animated in this live action world, in the background tv behind the 3 i see mori calliope and silvervale, theyre likely not related to the three

i was holding a thin square box where it reflects and stuff, trying to hide n shit for some reason i dont remember, this scene is where we felt uncomfortable knowing that the disgusting guy is alive and still here, nobody knowing the past except us 3. (blue bean guy isnt in the photo iirc)

we got out

cut, that's it, a cut

other episode where i dont appear and is just a voice,kid retelling of the first day of school, for visualization's sake the school is just a grass field with tables, chairs, and other school supplies. i think this episode is just about meeting the girl and the friends they have, they're all in the same 2d animated style, nothing horrible happened its just another episode of meeting the characters from the past. kinda like the previous one is meeting the cast of the present times.

another episode that was supposedly in this dream, the 3rd one, didnt really appear or i didint remember

oh yeah the kid (in the present) is 14-15 and the victim girl is 16?? i think. i think as they get older they get more "detailed" and more refined sets of colours??? idk theyre more definitive as time goes on thats the gist, not really sure about the color part

woke up 11:04: am

what a heavy show concept, with an interesting look for some reason??

ive never had a dream this so long, vivid, and most importantly, conceptually consistent in my life what the hell.

[benefits1986]

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Laksa Meets Sangria: Sedated Southside Stories  Two of my OG super low-key friends decided to catch up and settled for a housewarming visit that’s supposedly last September. Yep, we’re the 37-year olds who are more likely to have a “biglaang lakad talaga ang natutuloy” bunch. These two gents have been with me since high school.  The owner of the house asked us if wanted home-cooked laksa or Tajimaya. We settled for laksa. He even told us that it’s his first time to cook for a guest. I told him na tumigil siya. Hindi ako impressed kasi ang tagal niya magluto. He got some brie and manchego, too. I brought dinuguan, sangria, bottled tuyo and tinapa. Our other friend brought wine and Ritz which oddly pairs well with the cheese. More than the food coma after a really good fast, this sedated Saturday is a really, really curious one.  My other friend is a doctor who chooses to serve the underserved mothers who give birth in one of the busiest public hospitals in NCR. He devotes his time to exploring life outside Manila and enjoys Negros and Siquijor. Sakto, before his first trip there, he saw my stories and he asked me how the islands are. :D Sabi ko, bilisan niya punta kasi more than Hometown Chacha vibes doon. LOL. Told him to check out Palawan as it is also a really potent spot especially these days. If our schedules and pake sa life align, we can go together. As Tigers (born 1986), this is a quirk and a reality that we are managing. LOL. No hard feelings but that’s how we roll, babbbyyyy. Daming ganaps. Daming gusto. Too little time.  The owner of the house dabbles with the colorful world of pharma and comms. HAHAHAHA. No deep dive here because this universe is a Pandora’s box on its own. ;) But, so proud of this Aries ex-shithead because he is a dad of three already and has his fucked up ego in place, finally. 

We used to argue a lot ages ago because he reaches out to me during times of trouble. Akala niya ako si Mother Mary so he comes to me. Sineryoso ko talaga pagiging ninang nung eldest niya kaya no deal mga rason niya kahit well-articulated at sandamakmak na rebuttals. Tabi. Bubundulin kita. Hayup ka. Kidding aside, eto ‘yung isa kong barkada na nakakatikim talaga ng real kung real talk sagad levels from me, always. ‘Yung kulo-dugo levels na sobrang intense ko pagsabihan siya. Ang maganda is ‘di siya offended kasi sabi niya, totoo naman daw lahat ng sinasabi ko. :p His three kids are really, really, really lovely. Lahat, walang tapon unlike their dad. LOL. Kakapagod lang mag-English because they don’t speak Tagalog. They speak Bisaya. Plus, I don’t have patience for bonding over Switch with them talaga. LOL.  I really love bonding with these two kasi iba talaga kausap mga lalaki as a legit one of the boys kahit girly ang look ko at times. No pun intended. Parang laging naka-bullet points/flowchart/Excel and at this age, may emotional intelligence na sila na parang pang late 20s or early 30s. Pun intended. :D Plus, syempre, spoiled ako. May driver. May cook. May dishwasher.  May taga-tibag ng yelo na marami. May tagabitbit ng gamit kahit kaya ko naman. May taga-payong kahit ayoko rin. May bouncer. Without benefits pa ‘yan, so perfect!  By the way, the laksa is really good. I recommend to put more umami mala-Food Wars para addictive. It’s a mild, less creamy Malaysian version that reminds me of an ex-comfort food which is hotpot. I also requested for very firm noodles which he nailed, too. Galing. Not bad. Not bad. Puwede na. 

He’s putting up a food kiosk soon and I think that for the target market, this might be something interesting. I suggested na dapat may kasamang cendol na samalamig style para tubong-lugaw na, full experience of Malaysia, Truly Asia pa. (Gah, I miss food trip in Malaysia kahit sobrang humid and funky smell all around. Super underrated and super mura pa!) We’ve also tackled about a possible collab so, alam na this forda bills and the life after the bills, too! (Mhie, need talaga natin ng steady passive aggressive income streams because hyperinflation iz realllzzz lalo sa BGC gaming.) 

_____ Spent my first day of long leave in a neighborhood where my first not so tiny house could have been back in 2015 era. Funny how, I am on a roll in as far as connecting the dots backwards has been going. Solid na solid kahit sabaw na sabaw talaga ako sa mga ganaps ng 2023.  Perhaps, one of the most generous offers I got in the jobs I’ve been in is a housing plan in the quiet side of Nuvali. LOL. Such a fantastic offer, to be honest; and I was really taken aback even until now.  Back then, I was still in between the “KID” or “NO KID” era because we basic like that din naman noon. LOL. This spot is spot on for raising a family even when you’re a single parent (my go-to choice as an independent house plant) or an atypical family where there can be two moms running the home. Sige na nga, puwede na rin male na more than a sperm donor; basta pasok sa ayon sa nararapat na core values ko+++. Damn, those days, baby! So, it was really a plot twist that is on the cusp, right?  Plus, the planned biking lanes and the whole idea of an ecopolis really magnetized me. A LOT. A WHOLE LOT. 

After weeks of reflecting and overthinking, I concluded that the offer was too generous as I am off to the road less taken. Crazy, right? Of course, there were pushes and pulls, but, deep inside, I had to align my core rooted in going for organic growth. LUH. LUHHH. Dammnnn.  It was not an easy decision to make especially for a Bronx girl like me who is in her kinda adult, but not quite era; if you know what I mean. I was on my way to the big 3-0, and looking back, I was faced with two evils, two delights. This is where I realized that I am indeed not easily impressed. Periodtttt.  I had to uproot myself to move beyond my WHY. Little did I know that what I am after is my WHY NOT. Again, crazy but, that’s me. Was it ego? Yes and no. Was it pride? Hell, yes, THEN. Was it something I regret now? Hell, no. Hell, no!  While the idea of a 5-year solid career path was laid before me, the truth is that I yearn for earning my own stripes and profound battle scars. I had to say au revoir to my people then, because I have to be MY OWN PERSON. Being my own person means choosing to invest on myself because time is my currency. It was a tough call, but it made me tougher; even when I knew the journey I was off to would be long, winding and stormy.  When I got my tiny house near Tagaytay a few years back, this life chapter from my old life resurfaced. 2015 along with its ebbs and flow had to take place because it was what led me to my real bucket list hit. (Also, this was not part of my grand plan, either. It just happened.)  

I have a bucket list that’s devoid of social pressure, the glitz and glam, the route usually taken. It had to wait because I have to be more intentional instead of reaching for diamonds in the sky and superstars. Again, it was not easy and there were many, many times that I sighed over Nuvali “could-have-been” especially when I go biking there years back. Ganda ng biking lanes. Hard to beat talaga. LOL. (But, let’s see how the bike lanes near Tags will pan out. Inip na ako pero sige, sanay naman akong maghintay.)  However, 2019 & 2020 came and I guess, this is where my VENI, VIDI, VICI era officially started without me knowing it. This Saturday, I came home smiling as I shake my head one too many times. Thank you, universe for continually taking me to the unknown and the uncertain. Thank you for allowing me to become my own person in a world filled with too much noise, too much apathy, and too much keeping up with the Kardashians & Musks, too. Thank you for leading me back to spaces and paces where I can really tell myself, the world or the universe, rather, that milestones are made of roadblocks, detours, dead ends, U-turns, zigzags, bridges and even fallen bridges, too.  May I continue to choose the path less taken; but this time, may my pride and my mighty walls be pruned. May my pruned people, spaces and paces continue to grow organically as I share my tiny and kinda big sticks, too. In the same manner, may I learn, unlearn and relearn more as I curate real and lived stories in the name of love, light and shadows. Lezzzgowww, 2024!  PS: Taurus szn 2023 is indeed keeping me pumped. Grabe siya ihhh. Why naman ganun? Universe be like: why noooot? Right? 

[anexperimentallife]

Oh, lugaw, my beloved. Oh, aroz caldo, my beloved. Oh, goto, my beloved.

[ask-emilz-de-philz]

PAGKAIN IS ESSENTIAL. E ANO NGAYON KUNG ANG GUSTO KONG KAKAININ AY LUGAW HOY NAKABAYAD NA AKO SA LUGAW KO WAG ME

#LugawIsEssential

#LugawIsLife

#planetputo

BLOG: http://ask-emilz-de-philz.tumblr.com

[blbs-srdo]

Ako lang ba? Ganito din ba kayo mag lugaw?

Ps. Kadate ko si mudra

[tetsvhoe]

AFRAID | HAIKYUU FILO SMAU

MASTERLIST | PREV | FIN.

#25 i almost love you

– oh ayan onting backstory chaka redemption arc kay aiko baka may maka relate

– omg finally chapter di ko na to hahabaan basta thank you so much for the support and the laughs! this was my first ever smau and series i hope you all enjoyed and i hope to see you in my future works!

– wag niyo kalimutan si anak ni imelda at anak ng mafia boss, ha? :(( <3

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@mirakeul @erinoikawa @haji-bby @seijohoe @szeonn @banananaa4 @stffychn @vvvselfindulgence @devilgirlcrybabiey @knmsapplepi @duhsies @littlemochi @mikeystomanjacket @noitsmrleorio @agasheeee @roanniee @softsakusas @your-girl-mj @hello0i @crustycookiebestie @shanthesamurai @naviation-xx @sciophobia @lady-tokugawa-of-mikawa @bakugouswh0r3 @aizameow

iwaizumi shuts his phone off with a faint click, throws his head back against the headrest and shuts his eyes. he feels lightheaded, hands clam around his phone and the steering wheel subconsciously. was he always this nervous to talk to you? he can’t remember the last time he’s seen your face, the last time since he’s heard your voice. he misses it so much it makes his heart clench.

he lets out a long shaky breath as he wills himself to open his eyes, peer out the window. the club lights pulse faintly in the darkness of the night, he hears the faint music and clamor of club goers. the team’s last reply was from roughly an hour ago. he shivers thinking how he managed to cut the drive time in half and thanks the heavens for the mostly barren roads he drove through.

he can only imagine how everyone must be hammered by now. the “demonic hour” as they collectively dubbed 3:00am, is nearing. the demonic hour is when ushijima starts speaking in english considerably louder than his usual stern yet soft spoken voice. bokuto slouched against his seat, arms over his chest, passed out and snoring steadily. atsumu and sakusa may start swapping personalities soon, osamu and suna are talking about extraterrestrial life, and hinata is probably stumbling on the dancefloor holding in the urge to puke. iwaizumi also fondly recalls your friends, how kiyoko would be sleeping on top of the table, god forbid someone tries to wake her. alisa would be flirting with someone’s girlfriend, and tendou making everyone take “shots” of water, nearly falling off as he laughs at their muscle memory reactions as if they are still taking a slug of alcohol.

and of course, his mind wanders to you. how you slur your words and swear you’re not that drunk. you gauge each miniscule action and word carefully in an attempt to prove to everyone you’re sober, but it only gives you away so much more because you’re moving in x0.75 playback speed. he catches himself smiling at the mere thought and blushes though he’s alone in his car. the demonic hour turns you to an angel, quite ironically. you’re poutier than usual and throw a hissy fit at iwaizumi when he refuses to get you lugaw or mamiin the middle of the night out, not like he can resist your pleads for long anyway. you can’t keep up with the usual playful banter anymore and flirt terribly.

the thought of some other man finding you during your demonic hour flings iwaizumi out of the driver’s seat and he’s marching into the club before he knows it. it doesn’t take long for him to weave his way in and navigate your group, and the scene he finds is exactly as he imagines, but where are you?

“ten, ten, saan siya?” he shakes tendou into sobriety. he peers up at him with dazed eyes before grinning widely upon recognizing iwaizumi.

“oy, tangina mo! ano ginagawa mo dito?” the red head laughs. “‘di ko sure lumabas daw siya saglet.”

the rest of the group slowly registers iwaizumi’s presence, greeting him with clumsy high fives and fist bumps and “ba’t andito ka, kupal?”, “late na late na ba’t humabol ka pa?”, “akala namin di ka pwede ngayon?” and he returns each greeting half-heartedly as he constantly searches for your shadow in the crowd.

suna teases iwaizumi’s panicked state before pointing out you might have gone outside for a smoke. a sour feeling brews in his stomach; how could they have let you gone alone, why weren’t they sure where you went? but he saves the frustration in favor of finding you as soon as possible.

he all but runs outside through a back door near the bar which leads to a terrace overlooking the parking lot. his whole body stills as he sees your back turned to him, the heavy metal door creaks to a close, letting the loud pounding of the club music fade. he half expects to see you barely able to hold your weight with your own legs or with another guy, probably why he was so worked up in the first place, but you were alone. you seemed sober enough. it scared him even more.

as if feeling his presence, you look over your shoulder. iwaizumi debates turning on his heel and making a bee line for the exit, back to his car, and driving another hour or so to manila, but he’s frozen in his place.

you offer him a small smile, motioning for him to join you. “hayop ka anong ginagawa mo dito, ha? nag-drive ka pa, eh late na late na.”

iwaizumi is hit with the realization that in all that time he was driving alone with his thoughts, he didn’t even think of all the things he wanted to say to you. his head was simultaneously full and empty, there was just you.

“ikaw kasi kani-kanino ka nagpapa-picture. akala ko pag-papalit mo na ‘ko,” he manages to blurt out, yet you don’t miss the way his remark lacks the usual sass and playfulness.

“tama naman. ayoko na sa’yo eh,” you laugh, glancing over your shoulder to catch his scowl and an ad-libbed curse. your features soften when you notice the seriousness in his features as he stares into the nothingness ahead. you’re about to ask him if something was wrong when he sucks in a sharp breath.

“ako gusto ko sa’yo,” he says matter-of-factly, eyes meeting yours.

“what?” you laugh nervously, suddenly hyper aware of the way your heart hammers against your chest, of how you get a whiff of his usual perfume because you’re so close, the dark circles under his eyes, the distraught etched on his furrowed brows.

“i said i like you,” he repeats louder and firmer.

“i know what you said, i’m not sure i understand—”

“i like you, fuck i… i don’t know why it took me this long to say it to your face, but if i’m being honest, i was just afraid. i still am, but between being afraid of my own emotions and being afraid of fucking this up, i am actually quite fucking terrified of losing you more than anything else,” he rambles in one breath, words trembling but intense. it knocks the air out of your lungs, and you don’t know why tears start lining your eyes. “i might… even be falling in love with you fuck—”

“haji…” you whisper, body turning towards him like a magnet. he lets out a breath he didn’t know you were holding, oh how he missed you calling him that so soft and endearingly. “you have no idea how long i’ve waited for you to finally grow the balls to say that,” you chuckle, almost bitterly. “but i don’t know how to go about with this anymore.”

“let me set things right. i know we did things out of order, but i want to make us work,” he pleads, rough hands coming up to softly stroke your cheek with his knuckles.

your lips form a tight-lipped smile. he knows you’re about to ramble and finds it adorable. “i’m… i’m not so sure anymore, this is more complicated than i initially thought. w-what about the distance? haji, i’m not built for long distance i—”

iwaizumi grabs your wrist and pulls you against his chest. a strong arm wraps around your waist, his other hand holds the back of your head. you can feel both your hearts beating harshly against your chests, your cheeks heating up while you relish his embrace.

he places soft kisses onto your temple, whispering. “don’t worry that pretty little head of yours too much, there’s no rush. i’ll wait for you for as long as it takes. maghihintay ako.”

your eyes flutter open, light seeps through your vision and iwaizumi’s blurred figure slowly becomes clearer. he’s sat on an office chair, pulled right next to your bed. he watches over you with a soft smile.

“good morning, tomador.”

“tangina mong manyak, kanina mo pa ako pinapanood matulog?” you yawn, stretching your arms and limbs. did he not sleep at all? If he did, that shabby office chair couldn’t have been comfortable in the least. “akala ko ba babalik ka rin agad sa manila, akala ko umalis ka na kagabi.” you sit up, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. the clock reads 6:07am.

iwaizumi tilts his head to the side as he eyes you, a small smile tugs at his lips while you glare at him. “cute mo pala pag bagong gising,” he remarks. “gusto ko lang siguraduhin natatandaan mo pa ‘yung kagabi.” he stands up, pushing the chair back and walks over to cup your cheeks.

“oo naman, tanga. ‘di naman ako lasing kagabi—”

“ano sinabi ko?”

you blink back, stunned. you know what he means, but suddenly can’t get the words out of your mouth.

“hm? akala ko ba natatandaan mo, anong sinabi ko sayo kagabi?” he smirks, squishing your cheeks together in his hand.

“uh… s-sabi mo ano, gusto mo ako.”

“gusto lang?”

“baka… sabi mo baka mahal mo na rin ako,” your ears burn up as the words leave your mouth, you attempt to look away but iwaizumi jerks your face to look at him smirking menacingly at your flushed state. “chaka ano pa?”

“sabi mo mag hihintay ka, ‘yan okay na! tangina mo,”you pry his hands off and attempt to close in on yourself by hiding behind the strands of hair that fall over your face.

“good girl,” he chuckles. “una na ‘ko, ha? tawagan nalang kita mamaya, tulog ka ulit maaga pa.”

you nod wordlessly, still avoiding his gaze. you watch his retreating figure, but he halts right in front of the door. he looks over his shoulder, “bye, i almost love you,” and winks.

summer didn’t last a hundred and four days, not this time. iwaizumi came to visit you a few times over the course of barely a month and a half of vacation. you managed to make it work for until then. he was even more busy tending to documents and requirements for his fourth year on top of helping his mom and grandmother, but he made time for you. he always did.

you both made adjustments to accommodate the distance. regular phone calls, curt text updates, movie marathons on discord, sometimes with your squammy group of friends. some things stayed the same, the regular cussing each other out, the snide remarks, the usual roasts. except this time, days end on an “i almost love you” note.

as you’re running late for your first day of third year, you realize barely anything has changed. and when you run out of the house, hopping on one foot as you tried to stuff the other into your shoe, you see iwaizumi parked outside of your house, leaning against his car, and twirling his keys on his finger, he manages to make your world come to a standstill once again.

“good morning, anak ng mafia boss. late na po tayo, bilisan mo na dyan.”

just like that, you’ve come full circle.

[blog-writing-contest]

MY LIFE BEFORE THE PANDEMIC

How I miss going out. Before the pandemic I enjoy life outside, hanging out with friends and enjoying the outdoors. I like to ride the bike, roam around the rice fields and play with my friends. Our house is located near to rice fields. I miss walking from school to our house enjoying the beauty of the nature. Hearing the birds sing, smelling the freshness of the air. And the smile of our dog "Putol" she always loves running around, she can run like a race car. This thing change when the pandemic came.

I enjoy going to school, I miss my teacher and classmates, I enjoy their company. Every Monday morning I'm very excited because we will have flag ceremony, but sometimes I'm late. I see my friend klarenz, Kent and ranz raising the Philippine flag, after the flag ceremony, we will go to our classroom and start the class. After three subjects we will do recess, I will go to the canteen and buy some foods like lugaw, siomai, and my favorite ukoy.. after recess the next subject is the hardest subject and most of the students hate it. Our teacher, sir Charlie make this subject interesting, he will do his best to explain the steps and technique how to solve the equation. Every subject is fun, everyday I have new things to learn.

Not only the academic, but the activities with your friends is more fun, you all have bonded with each other. Here I miss boy scouts in with my friends, learning new things such as surviving in the forest. What to do if someone is hurt, and many more. We experienced go to mount makiling staying there in 1 week. I missed the fun of being there. We also play chess and soccer, I became a representative of my school in chess competition, Same as in soccer. I remember in soccer I got a yellow card because I kick the leg of my enemy but it's not intentional. All of this happy experience stops because of this pandemic.

I competed in different contest in math, I received different recognition and awards. I remember in grade 2 I got into an accident, my whole face is wounded and tomorrow I will compete in math competion. I'm very conscious about my face but luckily I win. I remember before this pandemic, I attend theater rehearsal it gives me more confidence to talk in front of many people. We perform in Tanay hane festival and Antipolo, it was helpful for people who doesn't have confidence to talk in front of the people. Also in my school in elementary, I was the former president of the school, It called SPG (Supreme Pupils Government) I experience many things especially in leadership. Sometimes we go in the barangay to help kids and attend meetings in the barangay.

Now so much had changed. We are doing online classes, staying at home. We don't go out to go to school anymore. We can't interact with our teachers and classmates. It's all because of safety. I wish someday it would all go back to normal so I could enjoy the fun outside. Until then, health is more important.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

3.25.24 Monday

1 am

I have windblow.....Did Mitchang give me a "simple battery" since 2007? Where is she???

I feel bitterish.... I wanna leave the hometown... I wanna get a bf... I wonder where is Mark? I feel bitter having windblow for nothing... It is like "aging for nothing"...I feel so invalid... It is a bad feeling for yourself that you feel so " invalid".

I feel bitter, nobody wants me....Sometimes it is so good to go back to the past... Though, you wanted a good future but I can't exist...

But! Again, I will feel HURT if Mark is just nearby after all these years, if he is just observing or if he is just one of the people who are laughing at me being poorish these days, I will feel HURT!

17 years I lost myself... I wasn't able to grow on my own, I feel offended...I didn't feel important for 17 years... A lot of people thought I didn't have maturity but year 2011, I was really mature and fully awakened by everything.

I just feel a loser on my exes, coz those 17 years so many things could happened to all my exes and most specially on Mark, probably they already had have a child and just simply looking at me here, laughing at me... I feel HURT... My EGO is smashed and my pride is killed for 17 years.

I lost xfactor for 17 years and I feel invalid, having this windblow and I feel that someone gave me that and this "simple battery" and they created a group and they invited people to join them and some old friends became a member and some new... Worst!!! If my exes are just nearby laughing at me...

People doubt my maturity since 2011, I was really fully awakened but I couldn't get progress... They judged me....I always wanted to be forever young coz I missed a lot in life.

7:49 am

Uncle DD is here for something he just gave me 50 to buy coffee but I ask him extra... So that I can pay Ely but he said he doesn't have extra...

Still, strange feeling on them...

9:01 am

Uncle DD gave extra for food coz last food tomorrow...

I'm thinking of my own life... I need extra fundings....I'm not satisfied being "just like this".

I really wanna see my old bf coz my situation is really a flat tire, unfairly flat tire since 2007.Mark for the chismosas and chismosos and pakilameroz or unfairly interfering. Mark was my personal bf and the rest... But I feel weird if Mark is somewhere nearby....I feel hurt for getting my links...

10:16 am

This is just for food... Back to zero my back-up on Ely but I ask him a 200 plus coz I wanted to buy a serum in Lazadah.

Nana requested for lugaw and mami and coconut milk for something... The left money is mainly for food...

10:47 am

I really wanna leave Cavite... I feel so down and I can't get progress...

10:52 am

I feel offended in Cavite....I really wanna see Mark but I will feel hurt if he is just nearby and fucked by Vagina's here or from any particular group that I don't belong.

I have windblow... 17 years I can't wait for more years...

12:46 noon

I still have windblow... I feel bitter...

Once a guy snap on me, I wanna kill him! I was spoiled... Mark knew... I feel bad if he snap on me? Did he snap on me? Or did someone snap on me on words at my back that they didn't invite me since they are all together since 2007???

It is unfair to snap on me, verbally that I can't defend myself... Did they snap on me???

1:13 pm

I feel bitter... I'm not happy!!! I don't like fooling around... It is too long for their own happiness... They are all fooling around for so long and trapping me... I'm fucking tired of waiting... I don't like fooling around!!!

2:44 pm

I just bought an another food for couple of days coz I back to zero my back-up from Ely... I bought a lugaw and mami and sachet of shampoo for few days and 1 coffee sachet. The money is gone....The rest for the water...

I feel bitter....I asked help from Ely that I wanted to buy a serum around 300, I feel bitter...I was spoiled and I didn't harm anybody since 2007.

I wanted a future,I wanted a career....I wanted someone who can accept me that I'm spoiled! I deserve a nose perfection and other vanity.

17 years if that fucking group didn't interfere, I have a better life now...

Now, I wanna see Mark, I have so many questions for him... I will feel hurt if he is just nearby observing me and laughing at me since 2007??? They are prepared now? Gets? Look at me now, my ugly situation...

There is no extra for vanity!!! I wanted my future...I wanted a new circle of upper friends...I'm so tired being at the bottom...

Have mercy on me!!! I deserve a LIFE!

4:54 pm

I still have windblow....I hate being a supporter, they pull me down their stategy is to trap me unfairly...

Breaker in the universe mga "green monster"....Those are INC's I hate them... Breaker in the universe??

I wanna leave Cavite... I feel bitter...

I lost circle of friends where I can be Kate-Like? Where is Mitch? Did she give that "simple battery"???

7:53 pm

I have windblow... I feel bitter.... I hate being the "new girl" always...How can I be Kate-Like, if I don't have a circle that is truly mine... I feel so low even on Mark, if he found out that I'm s7o alone and a lot are just fakers on me...I don't know if Mark snap or snapped on me???

I wanna leave Cavite,they don't like me from the start... They are together since 2007...Where are they???

8:40 pm

I feel bitter... I feel out of place on somewhere... I still have windblow... I feel like the "new girl" which I hate it so much...

I badly need Mark now, I'm tired 17 years it is totally unfair... I hate being "the new girl"....