#LOOK AT HIM CONTEMPLATE LIFE /POS

[kittykittyanon]

ok i lied here's another one

SCREAMS

HE'S SO DORK. HE'S SO NERDCORE. /POS

[ve1vet-cake]

"You.. remembered?"

It had been a day like any other. Ren had made breakfast for Angel and himself, humming to himself. The rhythm of domiciliary that Angel and him had grown accustomed to was akin to that of their hearts, seemingly beating in unison.

They couldn’t be happier, slender fingers delicately handling the kitchenware. 

Angel was his 

Just the thought made the man’s insides tingle and pleasantly twist, the excitement quickly spreading onto his lips, stretching them into a soft grin. For the first time since meeting the love of his life he felt happy. Loved. 

He was plating the food and setting the table, ready for the day and for them. He carefully made his way to the bedroom, intending to wake Angel when he already saw them sat up, staring at their knees.

Their body was still halfway covered by the soft blanket, a shirt of his loosely hanging off their frame.

“REDACTED”

The name fell from their lips faster than Ren could greet them.

And with that one word his world seemed to shatter.

A part.. A fraction.. Of him was delighted, stomach churning in pleasant surprise.. but it was short lived. The twists and tightening quickly turned into dread.

Why now!?

Why that god forsaken name!?

…. Why couldn’t the illusion stay?

Ren contemplated restarting the day, to relive the idyll and prevent Angel from uttering that abomination of a-

“REDACTED”

The name flowed so innocently from Angel’s lips. So beautifully, so… Untainted. 

They peered up at him, a soft smile on their face. 

“It’s your name, right? Your actual name. REDACTED.”

Ren’s heart stuttered. The sight of them, so sweetly saying their name.. without any stigma. Any hatred. Any… Disgust.

“You… remember..?”

“I do.”

It had taken Angel to embrace him to stop the tears. To stop the shaking.

They hadn’t anticipated this reaction from Ren but nonetheless they wanted to comfort. To heal.

It had taken a lot to get Ren to open up. 

Why are you so uncomfortable?

Should I not call you that..? But.. why?

Can I make it better?

Angel listened patiently as Ren spoke. Not much, just the gist of his hatred.

“My father.”

They nodded, recalling the shared childhood the aftermath of abuse they had witnessed. While oblivious to the signs in their youth, Angel was now wiser and aware of just how broken Ren had been… And still was.

“You know..” 

They cupped his cheeks gently, making him look at them. Clear crystal blue peered at Angel. 

"im!mFun oelec?tCro phMre§$tica%lly ventrGicu§"lo cis="!tLrnost Po&%mies"

Their thumb gently caressed Ren’s cheek in soothing, light circles. Their voice had been barely above a whisper. Just for him to hear. Just for him to feel.

“And I will show you.. Just how beautiful you are.”

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: tsukishima kei, oikawa tooru, suna rintarou

a/n: i write a fic every time i rewatch hq LOL sorry ik i said im abandoning this blog buuuut…happy bday to this blog!! (repost from 1/5 because tags broke :(( )

part 1

TSUKISHIMA KEI

looks out for you, but he can’t help that hes so emotionally constipated :’( he tries to give you advice because he genuinely is concerned for you but just is unable to word anything properly. see: “you need to stop talking to that person, you’re being a pushover,” but he just wants you to realize you’re letting people walk all over you.

god forbid he has to comfort you because hes the wrong brother for that - you’re definitely in better hands with akiteru. he might walk in on you crying and contemplate if he’ll even say anything or just ignore it flat out, or he’ll say something like “don’t cry, you look stupid.” if you cry more, he’ll end up swallowing his pride and sitting next to you. he’ll groan and reluctantly, “fine, spill it.”

other than that, he’s going to be a sneaky little prick. definitely the type to take revenge on you if you annoy him. you eat the last piece of chocolate he was saving and suddenly you find your charger hidden deep under your bed. also loves to take things without your permission. “why? i’m just using it, it’s not like you need it now.”

if someone picks a fight with you, he’ll be quick to extract you from the situation before saying something ruder and harsher than usual to the person. and if you tell him you like someone from his team, he’s going to look at you like you’re crazy. “are you insane?!” he’s honestly more bewildered than upset. doesn’t let you anywhere near the gym. he can make an exception for yamaguchi though. “at least it’s not hinata…or worse, kageyama.”

OIKAWA TOORU

your life is never boring with this guy as your brother. you’re literally being dragged everywhere, practices, shopping, team events… you’re like “i’m not even part of the team.” he goes “we can fix that!” and the next day you find out that you’re the manager for the boys’ volleyball team. huh, wonder how that happened.

oh my god, he MILKS you being his manager. “hold my drink, my fans are calling.” “y/n get my towel please.” you’re absolutely seething at the power trip that this guy is on. eventually, you start doing all that for his other team members and not for him, and he gets so whiney. “y/n you’ll get big ugly iwaizumi a towel but not your own sweet brother?!” that earns him a spike to the head from iwaizumi.

he tells you all the gossip about the school, because believe me, he knows A LOT of things. he’ll do his skin care while he forces you to listen to his gossip, cue him getting mad if you try to leave. everyone realizes why you two are siblings when you two walk down the halls and pull the exact same faces at the people he’s told you about in his gossip.

he makes you his little scapegoat for his fangirls. “oh, you want my number? you’ll have to ask y/n for that, they keep my phone with them during practice!” (you dont) “now, why don’t you girls hand all these gifts to my lovely sibling for me?” (you almost immediately chuck them at his face when you see him) but you know the best way to get back at him? when he sees you even slightly conversing with ushijima or kageyama, all hell breaks loose.

SUNA RINTAROU

the devil if the devil was your brother. he takes the ugliest pictures of you, when you’re asleep, when you’re yelling, when you’re crying over a movie. he also loves to send you pictures of animals and send a “look at you in this picture, so cute”. he also takes your things without asking and never returns it, you’ll just find it in his bag one day.

he also is one to order you around, and it drives you mad. “pass me the remote, y/n.” “but it’s nearer to you.” “i’ll tell mom that you-” // “y/n get me a drink from the vending machine.” “why would i do that” “remember when you snuck out and i-” // “get my bag too when you get yours.” “no.” “what i post that one picture of you when you’re about to sneeze-”

but he’s always looking out for you. when creeps try to approach you, he’s quick to react by shooting them a nasty glare. he’s a silent kind of care. standing behind you on elevators, walking on the outer side of the sidewalk, staying up late til you come home and just telling you he just couldnt sleep. little do you know, it’s something he’s always done even as a kid. putting more food on your lunch box, holding the corner of tables when you pick something up so you don’t hit your head, returning your things that are sprawled around the house to your room so you don’t lose them.

and if he ever finds you crying over some guy, he sighs and sits down next to you. “why’re you crying over an idiot?” he then makes snappy insults at the expense of the guy, making you laugh. “see? you look better like that. now stop crying and let me get some sleep.” he closes the light and shuts the door on his way out.

[perictione00]

Oops!...I Did It Again

Ch 1: It's Complicated

Pairing: Nanami Kento x reader

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts/behaviour (please do not read if things like this are triggering for you).

Synopsis: When life was throwing you uncountable curveballs, an unexpected reunion with your high school friend helped you dodge every single one of them. Coping mechanisms leave you both in a complicated situationship. So what happens when one of you ends up catching feelings? The cliche or the unexpected?

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

You wonder what your life would've been like if your parents were still alive. Maybe you would have stayed a child for a little longer, enjoyed your life a little longer, without execrating every bitter incident that landed on your lap, and maybe you wouldn't be standing on the edge of a rooftop, drunk, contemplating your next move. It could be so easy to just stop everything and not feel anything any longer. You could be free from all the burden that you've been carrying; you won't have to worry about the deadlines, the debt, the rent, or your sister's school fee. Oh yeah, there it is—the reason you question your decisions whenever you find yourself on the rooftop. You really do love her; you act brave for her sake, and she's your motivation, yet sometimes it all feels so worthless. It doesn't matter when nobody acknowledges your hard work, but it hurts like hell when she doesn't. You try to understand that she's in her rebellious phase and that she's still young; however, you envy her for having the audacity to even disregard you in the first place because you expect her of all people to recognize the effort you put in. Why do you have to grow up and she gets to stay a child, a brat?

"What are you waiting for?", you almost lost your balance as you heard his voice. You slowly turned, only to see a blonde-haired guy with an obviously expensive-looking formal suit. "So you're drunk this time?", he continued as he walked in your direction.

"Heyaaaa, Mr. Richie Rich, what took you sooo loooooong, I missed you shhoooo muuchhh", you weren't sober enough to know how drunk you sounded, but Nanami was. He took your hand with caution as you climbed down the edge. The dark circles under your eyes gave away the reason for your current state. It was evident that you had been overworking yourself for the past few days. You barely had time for yourself, and you had requested Nanami to pick up your sister from her tennis classes twice this week. He was actually shocked to find you a bit too early at the office today as well, and although he wanted to question it, he knew better. There were already way too many rumors about you circulating in the office; he didn't want to add one more by holding a conversation with you.

"Let's go, I'll make dinner", he said as he collected the files and your heels that decorated the rooftop floor.

Nanami closed the door of his apartment as you staggered your way to the very comfortable-looking couch. He knew that you would fall asleep on the couch and that it would be such a pain to wake you up, but the peacefulness on your face changed his mind. This was basically the story of every other weekend, and it was painfully obvious how you both lacked a social life. However, he would rather spend his weekends with you than hold conversations with the people in his company; they were all...tiring and he felt at ease with you, maybe because you both attended the same high school and were part of the same circle. So here he was, almost done heating the leftover miso soup, searing chicken, and preparing parsley sauce to go with it.

Now comes the hard part: waking you up. He remembers that one time, when you had asked him to choose a pokemon that came to his mind when he thought of you, he also remembers how he had immediately answered Snorlax and how, surprisingly, you weren't even offended and instead tried to justify its life style. Of course you didn't need to know that he found Snorlax the cutest of all pokemon.

After 10 minutes of diligence, you were finally awake, cranky but awake at last. He led you to the dining table and served you the miso soup which tasted like heaven. The tofu literally melted in your mouth and the brothy texture was to die for, you could feel yourself sobering. While you were enamored with the taste of the food, Nanami was secretly anticipating your unusual way of appreciating his food, which you did.

"Oh I could just marry you right now", you announced as you pecked his lips, catching him off guard.

To say that Nanami was flustered would be an understatement. The tips of his ears were as red as an apple, and his serious guy exterior was on the verge of breaking. He knew that for you, it wasn't anything unusual because of the peculiar relationship you shared with him; however, actions and words like these never failed to ignite his heart with a hopeful fire. But he couldn't allow himself to give into this fantasy, so he maintained his calm appearance and continued savoring the tender chicken, glancing your way with every bite.

2 years ago

Resigning from a company that contributed to a major part of your income was a big decision, but after working overtime for almost a month and not getting a penny for it, that was your limit. You tried complaining only to find out that some legal document under the company's contract deprived you of many rights that were meant for your protection against exploitation. You seriously should've read it all instead of jumping on the opportunity. And with that, you were left with a series of unpaid bills and your unemployed ass. It was hard to find a great job in a short time period, so you went on for various job interviews and took on multiple part-time jobs that paid enough to keep you going for 4 months. It was during this time that you regretted giving up on your previous job, as the list of redirected emails to inform you that your interest was appreciated but another candidate was chosen for the job was taking a toll on you.

In all honesty, your confidence had hit rock bottom. You really thought you were something, that you stood a chance, only to discover how ignorant you were. It was scary—the prices of basic amenities, the rent, your sister's education, and her growing demands. Falling into a cycle of self-hatred, you slowly forgot about yourself, your needs, and your health; life became all about work. If you wanted to exist in the world, you had to be stable economically; money's everything, and you felt utterly useless. What were you even doing? What were you doing with your life? Did you not have any aspirations? Were you nothing but a fucking coward who gave up the moment things got hard? At the young age of 24, you were having an existential crisis. You were comparing yourself to every person your age who had accomplished more than you ever could, and there was no end to it. Though the vicious cycle did come to an end the day you came across a former classmate Nanami Kento while on a grocery run.

"Oh, I think you dropped th-,", Nanami stopped mid-sentence as he stood astonished, looking at the woman who had dropped her cereal box.

"Nanami! Is that you?", you asked in shock.

Let's just say that the grocery run took way longer than it should have as you both dropped by a cafe to catch up. It was refreshing talking about random things to someone your age, someone you knew. You had to admit that Nanami had changed, not only looking more approachable, but it seemed like he finally had no issue talking to people, you were happy for him, and since you wanted to keep it that way, you kept yourself from inquiring about his job. After a good two hours, you exchanged numbers and bid each other farewell. It turned out to be a great day, as that very day, you were offered a job at a MNC with phenomenal pay, but here's the catch: as you went through the documentation process, you learned that the position of secretary was offered to you. That was shocking, as your credentials and experience were suited more for the marketing department, and you were concerned about the legitimacy of the offer because no one pays that much to a secretary; however, beggars can't be choosers, so you accepted the offer right away.

On your joining day, the morning routine started earlier than usual, as you wanted everything to be perfect, from your fit to your timing. After having breakfast with your sister, you left for work, reaching ahead of time to leave a good impression. The building seemed fancy, with a sweet receptionist who directed you to your new boss, warning you not to enter his office until he called for you. That was weird, but maybe it was because your boss was busy. And it turned out that he was actually busy...fucking a woman, who came out of his office with disheveled hair. It was after you waited for a long time that he called you inside.

He was on his cellphone when you entered the office, wearing a tasteful tuxedo with a matching watch that went well with his blonde hair, leaning back on his chair, ignoring your presence. As you were about to introduce yourself, he raised his index finger to his lips, saying, "Shhh...you must be the new one. I'm Naoya Zenin, head of the consulting department and you must call me Sir."

Ch 2

Series Masterlist

[anakinsgirlfriendreal]

Parts Of The Truth

Masterlist

Chapter Seven

Warnings:18+ mentions of drug abuse, reader has family issues, mature discussions, smut, foul language, infidelity.

It had been a calm couple of weeks; your friendship with Padme was going rather well, you actually looked forward to conversations with her, it scared you how easy lying had become. However, you quelled your conscience by taking comfort in the fact that not everything was a lie; you were just telling her parts of the truth, yeah that's better than nothing you told yourself.

"Okay baby, but no sweets alright and be good for your grandma you copy?" You speak into the phone, Darcy had asked to sleep over at her grandmother's house since two of your younger cousins were staying there, she wanted to play and you were worried about spending the night alone.

Exiting your car, your eyes fall on the figure seated on the steps Infront your house, "baby, mama has to go okay love you." You hung up making your way closer, a worried smile formed on your face, as you register the person to be your sister.

"Grace- I you're out," you took in her appearance, the DOC hoodie proof that at least she didn't escape. She had gone away for seven years on drug charges and every day of those seven you had promised yourself you would go see her; a lie.

She smiled, "yeah...I'm- I'm free."

You smile, "you look really good Grace"

"I feel good, you know...listen when I got released, mom said to give my parole officer this address, it's here or a shelter." She plays with her fingers, a nervous habit you both had.

You took a deep breath, unsure of whether to trust her and also angry that your mother would just volunteer you to babysit your big sister, like your life wasn't stressful enough. You sat next to her on the steps, "Grace- the last time you said you felt good and that you were gonna get better; I found you passed out and in your own vomit on the bathroom floor-"

She cuts you off, "Yeah but this is different, I joined a group, I got a PO- I don't wanna go back to prison okay, you got nothing to worry about."

Running a hand over your face you sigh, "Okay look, I have a life alright, I have a job and a baby- if you fuck this up you're out"

"I know, mom told me, she showed me pictures when she came to visit, Darcy right? She's beautiful." She looked at you, "...I promise, this time is different."

You rest your hand on hers, desperate to believe her, she was troubled yes but she was your sister and she got the shorter end of the stick growing up and you'd always felt guilty about how her life turned out. "Okay. Let's go inside." She leans into you, her head resting on your shoulder for a moment, just like old times.

"You can stay in the guest bedroom, it's the last door down the hall." You shrug your coat off leaving it on the back of the couch.

Grace nods, looking around "This place is amazing, that job must pay well huh"

"Something like that" you give her a tight smile, getting yourself a glass of water, she sits on a stool at the kitchen counter.

"Mom said that you're seeing some rich guy, Darcy's father." She gives you a curious look. Of course your mother would happily air out your business, "who is he?" She looks amused.

You smile, contemplating on whether to tell her, "Uh, his name is Anakin."

Her eyes go wide, "like Skywalker Anakin? Like the one responsible for all those energy plants?"

Your brows furrow, "You know him?"

She scoffs, "The guys like a millionaire and plus we have tv in prison dumbass"

You chuckle, "right."

"So a business man hm? Nice" she raises her brows.

You take a deep breath, "yeah well, we'll see about that."

"What does that mean?"

You hesitate, she tilts her head, "oh come on, you can tell me. I'm your sister"

You sigh, "he's...married"

Her eyes widen and she laughs, "fuck out of here? Are you kidding?" Her eyes scan your face for a hint that you're joking.

"Holy shit" she laughs, sitting back against the stool and folding her arms.

You roll your eyes yet you can't help but smile.

"You know, you were always the luckier one between us, everyone likes you more, our mom, guys, everyone. You're prettier and you're smart, you always were. Now here you are; miss fancy pants."

You look at her, that guilty feeling rising again, she was right. Life had been kinder to you than it was to her, but you figured; she chose the life she was living, she chose to drop out of school, to follow her junkie boyfriend and his friends but then again, like she said; nobody had really cared for her or sheltered her like they did you, she was left on her own and forced to grow up.

"I'm sorry Grace," you mean it.

She breathes in, looking around again, her teasing demeanor returning. "So your oil daddy Anakin, he must love you a shit ton."

You burst out laughing, "Oil daddy??"

She shrugs smiling, "It's true though right? I saw some press conference he did...a few of the COs in prison have the hots for him, he has that kind of educated, smooth charm. So oil daddy is suitable."

You shake your head smiling.

"So the wife, you know her?" She waits for an answer and when you don't give it to her, she dramatically drops her head on the counter and laughs. "Don't tell me you're friends." Of course she knew, she could always read you, since you were both little.

"Alright enough" you wave her off.

She gets up heading towards the guest room, she stops, turning back to you for a moment, "You know I kinda always thought that between the two of us, I'd end up being the one knocked up with no ring."

Her words were harsh yet not surprising. You had expected her to harbour some bitter feelings towards you, whether she said it or not, she felt like you owed her, for stealing a life that might have been better were you not born at all.

An hour later Anakin stopped by, not to check on Darcy but you, he knew she was at her grandma's and he just wanted to make sure you were alone no undesired company. You watched as he looked around the house, an annoyed expression on your face. "What you worried I'll cheat on you? Wonder where that fear came from."

He chuckles, "That's funny. Who's ove-"

"Ah, I thought I heard voices" your sister interrupts, you watch as she introduces herself to him, wearing your clothes; your tank top and your shorts, she smiles at him. "You're a lot more handsome in person than on tv"

Your brows furrow, your tongue poking your cheek, thumb squeezed in your palm, what is she trying to do right now, you think. He looks at her, that stupid smirk on his lips, "You're too sweet" he smiles, the same smile he gives you when he's trying to charm his way into your pants for the millionth time. You resist the urge to slap him across the face; why are you even jealous right now? Like he wasn't married when you met him.

You watched as he entertained her for the next hour, the way she practically threw herself at him, laughing at his jokes which you could bet your life she didn't get, the way she leaned in, 'intrigued' as he went on about business. When she decided to call it a night and head to bed, you stomped to your bedroom like a spoilt child. Stripping down and getting into your pjs you try to slam in the dresser drawers but the damn rollers had other plans. You huff climbing into bed not saying anything to him for a moment, you roll over looking at him, he was all smug, leaning against the doorway, brows raised, clearly amused by your antics. "You look like an idiot," mentally you ridicule yourself for the weak insult, he chuckles, walking towards the bed, he shrugs off the jacket of his suit, and lays next to you, kissing your cheek. You push his face away turning your back to him.

"why don't you go kiss her and built her a house and get her pregnant and control her life" you realize how stupid and jealous you were being but it doesn't stop you. He laughs, pulling you on your back, positioning himself over you.

He shrugs, "I don't know, she not really my type." You see the amusement in his eyes, a small smile forming on your lips.

"You're an ass"

He nods, "so people keep saying." He's quiet for a moment, his hand coming to brush stray hairs from your face, tucking them behind your ear. "I'm not interested in your sister." He undoes he first button of your pajama top, placing a kiss between the valley of your breast.

"Well she's interested in you" you say, testing him. You were almost certain you weren't his only, and you hate to say the word but mistress.

"I don't care," he undoes another button and another. "It's you for me," he kisses over your breast.

"And Padme?" You ask.

He bites the top of your breast a bit hard and you gasp, swatting him away.

"I don't wanna talk about her, not right now, not when I'm with you." He kisses your lips, hungrily, pressing himself into you, he dips his head down, pressing a kiss to your neck, inhaling the scent of your perfume mixed with your lotion. "Not when you're so beautiful," he whispers, his hand creeping into your shorts pulling them down and pushing your panties aside, you moan when his finger grazes over your soaked cunt. "Not when you're so wet, so ready for me. Always ready for me," he kisses you again, his finger dipping past your folds, pumping into you slowly before he adds another, your eyes flutter shut, a needy moan leaving your lips. He trails kisses down your body, sucking hickies on your breasts and down your stomach. He plants kisses on your thighs, slowly making his way to where you needed him most, he looks up at you, his eyes soft, a mischievous glint in them, just as his lips ghost your glistening your heat, his phone rings. You groan throwing your head back.

"you have to be fucking kidding me."

He pulls away, and you whine. He presses the phone to his ear. "Hey honey." Of course it's Padme, his voice is calm and steady like he wasn't just about to bury his face in your pussy. You watch in horror as he adjusts his shirt, fixing his tie and putting his jacket back on. "I'm sorry sweetie, it completely slipped me, I'm on my way." He hangs up.

You look at him, mouth opened about to protest, "what? No where are you going?"

"I'm sorry baby, Padme and I were supposed to have dinner with friends, and I'm late." He kisses your head. "I'll make it up later"

You watch as he exits the bedroom, groaning into the pillow when you hear the front door downstairs slam.

"I see why you like him." Grace's voice fills your ears, she standing in your doorway. You look at her, puzzled; what's that supposed to mean.

"Sucks he has a wife," She retreats down the hall and into your guest room.

You take a deep breath, think about her words. There's no way, she'd try to get with him, there's no way she'd sabotage you right; tell Padme? No she doesn't even know her.

Pulling the covers to your chest, you roll on your side, closing your eyes you tell yourself that your sister would never hurt you, because that was the only way you'd get any sleep.

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 265. brb x oc

a/n: :3c (comments and reblogs are super welcome and encouraged!)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none uwu

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

/210/211/212/213/214/215/216/217/218/219/220/221/222/223/224

/225/226/227/228/229/230/231/232/233/234/235/236/237/238

/239/240/241/242/243/244/245/246/247/248/249/250/251/252

/253/254/255/256/257/258/259/260/261/262/263/264

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! )

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @novastories @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix @lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

@emilybradshaw @louisahale @leobabbyyy @booklover2sblog @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes @taytaylala12

@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things @caatheeriinee07 @fanboyswhore9 @jesfreedark @katiemcrae @lilmonstrjedi @hobiismyhopeu @teacupsandtopgun @insominac23 @gh0stsgoodgirl @mygyn @chavivaelisheva @kmc1989 @enchantingharmonyalpaca

-

“What do you mean you saw him?”

“I– can we discuss this a bit further from the entrance that leads to the outside,”Rooster motions to the door,exasperated “Nikki is going to get a cold draft of wind if we stay here too long.”

Mav parted his lips, then frowned, “Rooster,I– fine.”, realizing that the conversation needed a bit more privacy he gestured to the back as he locked the door. He waited for  Rooster to pick Nicole up and then they all walked away.

“Sorry about the light.” he says, the lightbulb flickered into life and he dared a look towards his nephew, who just looked unimpressed while holding Nicole tight against his chest, “I haven’t had the time to fix it,okay?”

“I’m not judging, Mav."

Mav took a deep breath, his expression more serious now. "Your dad always commented on how I never fixed the lightbulbs and how much I’d live in the stone age if I so wanted.” the voice was quiet and all that was heard was the crickets on the outside.

Rooster shifted Nicole in his arms, clearing his throat, making sure she was comfortable before he began to recount the story once more. He made it short, but tried to get the most important parts out quickly.

Mav listened in silence, his eyes fixed on Rooster as he spoke, one of his hands coming up to cover his mouth. There was a mix of skepticism and curiosity in his gaze and Rooster didn’t know what was leaning heavier. It was clear that he was trying to process the surreal nature of the encounter.

Honestly, so was he.

As Rooster finished his account, Mav finally spoke, his voice quiet. "So, you're saying you had a...vision– no, you saw Goose. It felt real,yeah?"

Rooster nodded, his gaze steady. "It wasn't a dream or a hallucination. It felt like he was really there…I... It's hard to explain, but it was real." he licks his lips, “And it wasn’t the first time either, this happened a few weeks ago…I even went to see Bea’s aunt Matha about it.”

“Is she the witch lady?” he asks, “The one with the winery and the hotel?”

“Yep, the one.”

"I've met her at your wedding. She kept saying that me and Penny were…in a knot together.."

Rooster nodded with his lips pursed. "Yeah, she's... different. She listened to my experience and suggested that my father might be trying to communicate with me from the other side."

Mav's expression remained pensive, his gaze turning distant as he contemplated the possibility. "...I wouldn't put it past him to find a way to reach out to you, especially if he thought you needed guidance."

Rooster frowns, clicking his tongue. "Then why hasn’t he before?" he didn’t want to sound bitter, he really didn’t, but if there was something he desired more than anything was seeing his father again, “When I was a kid? Why now?”

Mav ran a hand through his hair, his gaze still distant as he pondered Rooster's question. "It's hard to say, Brad. Sometimes, these things happen when the time is right or when there's a pressing need. Your father might have been waiting for the right moment to reach out, or he might feel that you need his guidance more now."

Rooster sighed, not saying anything and letting Nicole babble happily on his lap, then he looked to the side in thought. feeling a mixture of emotions swirling within him. "I just wish I had the chance to talk to him, to ask him so many things, to tell him about my life, about Beatrice, about Nicole and the twins, about my career."

Mav chuckles,almost sadly, tapping his fingers on the table and inhaling softly. "Perhaps this is his way of letting you know that he's still watching over you."

"Yeah, I hope so. I just don't want to misinterpret the message he's trying to send." Rooster says, brushing his hand on Nicole’s longer hair, long enough they could give her tiny braids if they so desired, “I don’t think…my mom never said anything if she had anything of the sort happen to her,at least she never told me.”

Mav's eyes softened as he listened to Rooster's words. The absence of Goose had left a void in a lot of lives, and the idea of any form of communication, even from beyond, was a source of comfort he couldn’t deny would be very welcome.

Mav leaned in, his voice quiet. "Your mother, if this happened to her, she wouldn’t tell people. Carole was very strong and she had you to take care of, the last thing she needed would be people saying she was…seeing things or hallucinating. And it’d be worse when she got sick."

Rooster sighs,rubbing his eyes with his fingers and leaning back on his chair, the movement made Nicole fall back on his chest with a giggle, completely unaware of the conversation going on. "Yeah, you're right, Mav." Rooster admitted,”... I miss her so much."

Mav's gaze softened as he heard the longing in Rooster's voice. Moments like these remind him of little Brad so much, his hair much blonder and eyes brighter…but still Brad. "I know, Brad," Mav said, his voice quiet. "Your mother was a remarkable woman. No wonder she made Goose shut up the right times."

Rooster nodded in agreement, a wistful smile crossing his face. "She was incredible. Even when she was going through so much…” he pauses, memories of his mother’s illness weren’t good right now, so he just shook his head and looked back at Mav, “So I’m not going crazy,right? Because I saw my dad’s ghost and such?”

Mav shook his head, a faint smile playing on his lips. "You're not going crazy, Brad. It’s…surprising, but it sounds like Goose to just show up like that."

Rooster let out a relieved sigh,playing with Nicole’s tiny hands as she looked up at him with bright green eyes. "Thank you, Mav. I needed to hear that. It's just so...uh…odd."

Mav patted Rooster's shoulder. "I understand, Brad. It's a lot to take in,but could be worse,hm? Now" he stands up, “You up for some beer? Or are you going to let that one slide because you are taking Nikki home?”

Rooster considered the offer of a beer, glancing down at Nicole in his arms. She was peacefully playing with her toys, and the temptation of a cold beer after the intense conversation was hard to resist... Still, he knew he couldn't.

"Thanks, Mav, but I think I'll have to pass on the beer this time," Rooster said, his gaze lingering on Nicole's innocent face. "I should get her back home and ready for bed."

“You are not leaving already,right?”

“Well-”

“No,no,I haven’t seen my grand-niece in three weeks and now you wanna leave?” Mav tutted, marching to his fridge and grabbing the cold bottle from it, “No,no, it’s still early and Bea’s shift on the bar ends around ten thirty. You are staying.”

"Alright, Mav, I'll stay for a little while longer. But just no beer, and then I really need to get Nicole home."

Mav raised an eyebrow, a grin spreading across his face. "We'll see about that." he waves his hand, “But nah,I’m joking, don’t worry,I wouldn’t put any of you in danger.” he says as he settles back down, “Let’s change the subject,” as hard as it was, considering it was really…well, it still made both of them remember the subject, “You are being deployed after your birthday.’

“Yep.”

“How do you feel?”

Rooster shrugged, smiling when Nicole handed him one of her toys, “I was a bit annoyed at first, seeing that the twins will be home and I won’t. But…Bea said she’d keep me updated, besides it’s a three months long course. It’ll go by in a blink of an eye.”

 "I mean…Three months can be a long time for some, but it'll pass by quickly. And having Beatrice and the twins to look forward to when you return will make it all better." he hums, “I half expected you to be more annoyed.”

“I said I was.”

“No,” Mav cuts him softly, “I mean more annoyed. I know you Rooster and while you love and are great at what you do…I know how you can get. I know you miss Beatrice a lot when you are gone.” his nephew just huffed a soft laugh, avoiding his gaze, “You are a puppy dog,Brad. That girl got you good.”

"You're not wrong, Mav," Rooster admitted, scratching his head, "I do miss Bea a lot when I'm deployed.But I wouldn’t call myself a puppy dog." cue to his uncle tilting his head and giving him a look, one that was mirrored by his own daughter who just looked up at him with her brow, her tiny, almost translucent brow, up “Now you too Nikki, you are just a baby, you can’t judge your dad like that.”

Mav chuckled at Rooster's defensive response. "I'm just teasing, Brad. You know I love Bea, and I think it's wonderful how you two found each other. It’s just…well…it is painfully obvious, always was.”

“Okay.’

“I mean, heart eyes and everything, and that day I asked you about her at the beach? At the volleyball game? Kid,I knew.” he smirks, “I just knew she got you hook line and sinker. You followed her with your eyes like she was a snake charmer and you the snake.”

Rooster's blushed a bit,clearing his throat and dropping his eyes to Nicole’s relaxed form on his lap, “Mav." he begins, “Nikki is here, please.”

“What? She needs to know her dad is a complete fool for his wife.” he shrugs, “Nothing bad about it.”

He was right, he wasn’t embarrassed for Bea but he was…just embarrassed because everyone knew about his attraction so early on. He chuckles,shaking his head quietly, “You know what,” he begins, “One beer. Just one.”

“Atta boy,I knew you’d come around.”

-

“Penny I need three more pints and an orange soda for table five.” Beatrice says as she places the tray down on the counter, leg bouncing out of excitement and she couldn’t help but smile at her boss’ surprised face.

“You need to give us a break Bea,” Penny jokes, “You are getting orders left and right and you are able to do it really quickly.”

“I think the babies are helping her do it fast auntie!” Shells announces as she walks past the two, “The woman returned with a vengeance!”

Beatrice smiles more, still tapping her shoe on the floor and chewing her lower lip, “I missed this a lot Penny.” she says as her boss walks away to grab everything that was asked for, “I…I really missed the bar and I missed you guys so much. I can’t wait for Rooster to come back too but…you know, he likes staying with Nikki.”

Penny returned with the drinks, placing them on the tray as she gave the brunette a warm smile, understanding the emotions Beatrice was feeling. "We missed you too, Bea. It's been too quiet around here without you.” cue to Shells’ loud laughter from the back of the bar, “And I get it, Rooster is a great dad. It's wonderful to see you back at the bar, though. It’s not the same without you, me and the girls can handle it but,it’s always fun when the whole family is together.."

Beatrice blushed, picking the tray up and smiling shyly at her boss’ praise,  “Thank you,Penny,I’m so glad to be back. I know you,Shells and Jessie managed everything.”

Penny raised an eyebrow, supporting her weight on the counter with her other hand propped on her cocked hip, “Kiddo, believe me, these two can be a handful…but they did it. Jessie is getting a lot better dealing with folks and she can’t work too much because of college but it’s understandable.”

She laughs while adjusting the tray in her hands  "That's great to hear that they're holding down the fort. Jessie's balancing work and college, which isn’t easy,I remember how it was. And Shells, well, she's a force of nature, isn't she?"

Penny’s brow raised higher, “She’s a tornado, but she's a real gem, and she's great with the customers. And I’m not being biased because she’s my niece.” she taps the counter twice, “Anyway,I won’t keep you kiddo, go on, your customers wait for you.”

She nods,turning on her heel towards the chosen table, smiling as soon as she saw the group there: two guys and one girl. They were new, she hasn’t met any of them yet and she knew everyone from the bar. As she approached the table, Rooster’s Fanboys walked in and immediately saluted her. “Ma’am!”

Beatrice blinked, everyone in the bar was too busy to care about the salute but she was still…flustered, “Guys, oh my god.” she waved her hand for them to lower their arms, “You don’t have to salute me,I’m not in the Navy. Rooster is.”

“Sorry ma’am. Good to see you again,ma’am.”

“Thank you Faraday.” she smiles, placing the orders on the table, “You guys are sitting on the usual spot?”

“Yes,ma’am!” McAllister grins, “Are you going to serve us tonight?”

Beatrice chuckled as she glanced at McAllister, and nodded with a hand on her waist  "Well, since you asked so nicely, McAllister, I suppose I can be your server for the night. What can I get you guys? The usual?”

The group exchanged glances, and there was a moment of silent deliberation before Faraday, who was sitting at the head of the table, spoke up. "We'll have the usual,, ma'am."

Beatrice tilted her head "You got it. The usual it is. I'll be right back with your drinks."

The group she was serving just looked up at her, until the guy closest to her shoulder spoke, ‘Damn…those guys,are they always this rowdy?” 

Bea did a double take, making sure he was talking about the recruits and not someone else. “Oh, they aren’t rowdy, they are just over excited.” she smiles, “Do you guys want anything else?”

The guy then elbows his friend,  before focusing on Beatrice “Can I get your number,sweetheart?”

Beatrice maintained her friendly smile despite the slightly forward request. With a chuckle, she replied, wiggling her ring finger "I appreciate the offer, but I'm happily married, and my husband is a Navy pilot. So…"

The guy blinked in surprise, his confidence momentarily faltering. "Oh, uh, sorry. I didn't know." he licks his lips, “Is he here or something?”

Beatrice couldn't help but find the guy's surprise amusing. She knew that her wedding ring was a little hard to see in the dim lighting of the bar, but it was always a clear indicator of her marital status. "He's at home with our daughter." her smile is never wavering, “Now, anything else?”

The guy leaned back in his chair, looking disappointed and a bit embarrassed by what happened . "Well, since I can't have your number, how about you recommend another drink for me instead? Surprise me."

"Sure thing.How about an Old Fashioned?"

The guy considered her recommendation, a small smile playing on his lips. "Old Fashioned it is."

With a smile, Beatrice jotted down the order on her notepad and then slid them on her belt line. "Thank you. I'll be right back with your drinks. Enjoy your evening, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask."

As she walked back to the bar counter, Penny gave her a knowing look. "Someone's trying to charm you tonight, Bea?"

Beatrice laughed softly,  waving her hand. "Seems like it. He was a bit forward at first, but he backed off when he found out I'm married." she looked down at her notes, “Besides, if he doesn’t look like Rooster and if he’s not Rooster,I’d never be interested.”

‘Mhm.”

“Anyway, they asked for an Old Fashioned. Can you–” Penny was already doing it before Bea could finish her sentence. As she waits, she almost jumped when Faraday’s face appeared next to her.

“Jesus.”

“Ma’am.” he looked serious, “Was that guy bothering you,ma’am?”

Beatrice couldn't help but smile at Faraday's protective concern, it was really cute.

And a bit odd.

It was evident that the group of recruits held her in high regard, much like they did with Rooster. "Oh, no, he was just being a little forward at first, but he backed off when I mentioned I'm married. It's nothing to worry about."

Faraday nodded, though his expression still held a hint of skepticism, eyes squinting. "Alright, ma'am. If anyone gives you trouble, just let us know, and we'll take care of it."

“Aw,thank you, Faraday. You guys are always so considerate. I'll keep that in mind." she pats his shoulder, “You can go back to the table, don’t worry– and please don’t glare at the guy.”

Faraday nodded and flashed a small, hesitant smile. "Of course, ma'am. Just want to make sure you're safe."

It was heartwarming to see how they regarded her and looked out for her well-being. She gave Faraday's shoulder another reassuring pat. "You're all a bunch of gentlemen, Faraday. Thank you for looking out for me."

With that, she looked back at Penny who had just finished the drink and was placing it on her tray, “There you go.”

‘Thank you,Penny.”

‘Anytime.” her boss grins, but she looks at something over her shoulder, furrowing her brows, “Shells is coming over.” Beatrice looks back to see the blonde basically sidestepping everyone until she was at the counter, eyes wide and mouth parted.

Beatrice couldn’t even ask her what was happening before her friend grabbed her arm, placed the tray on the counter and then dragged Bea away from here. Penny just watched the scene with a sigh leaving her lips, picking Beatrice’s abandoned tray and taking it to the guys.

Once they were far, hidden inside the employee’s room, Beatrice could only stare at Shells with a frown ,’What?’ her friend peeks through the crack of the door, “Shells! What’s happening?”

“Girl,” she begins, “You’ll never believe who’s making her way over to the bar. You’ll hate it.” and Beatrice takes a while to identify those words. She slowly connects the dots in her brain, her expression now mirroring Shells’ but with a smidge of annoyance in it.

“No.”

“Yes, look.” she opens the door wider, so both women are peeking out when they see no one else but Miranda Halton, looking like a sore thumb in the middle of the bar, glancing around the area for a few minutes…as if she was looking for someone.

“Oh…no…”

“Oh yes,” Shells giggles gleefully, “Looks like tonight got even more interesting.”

[cbs-scorpion-coffee-shop]

I'm in the process of writing my own version of Kung Fu Panda 4. After looking at and contemplating the characters of Zhen and Chameleon, I came to a conclusion that most people wouldn't:

What if they were intended to be one character?

I decided to take Po's character at the end of the third movie and strip him away from everything he's gained all across the movies.

From someone who's broken away from his dad's expectations and learned Kung Fu and is now living his dream with full self confidence to someone who is still under parental expectation and has never been able to prove themselves or pursue their dream.

From someone who has family and friends and lives the happiest life possible to someone who has no friends or family and lives a miserable life and only has a mentor figure that sees them as a tool.

From someone who has matured and done things that they're not good at and knows who they are to someone who has never done anything beyond their regular life and doesn't even know who they are or where they come from.

Now let's make that second person a girl.

Let's make that girl a Chameleon with shape shifting abilities.

Let's make that girl a fan of Kung Fu like Po.

Let's make her mentor an evil person who has no love for her and has only seen her as a tool for stealing.

Let's make her regular life consist of using her shape shifting abilities to steal in order to satisfy her mentor.

Let's make her not know who she is or she came from.

Let's make her mentor not be bothered to give her a name when he finds her as a baby and only calls her by her species name because she's just a tool.

Let's make her take the name of a fox she once shapeshifted into before and use that as her own.

You get a female Chameleon thief who is a fan of Kung Fu just like Po but instead shapeshifts and steals from others to seek the love of her mentor and live up to his expectations. She has no friends or family and is treated like vermin by everyone. She is called "The Chameleon" by others because she has no name. "Zhen" is the name of a fox she shapeshifted into and she uses that for herself. She doesn't know who she is because she was taught to constantly shapeshift into and impersonate others to steal better and she has never tried to live an honest life for fear of failure.

You get a character that is the same as Po, but at the same time, a complete polar opposite from him. He has everything and she has nothing. Yet they both have reason to fear change.

What do you think?

[twistdtanisha]

Sofa King Good

The Senate chamber buzzed with activity, but C.J. Dance, the intrepid U.S. Senator from Arkansas, found his thoughts drifting far from the political debates surrounding him. The smooth texture of leather under his fingers brought to mind a different kind of heat—one that lingered in his mind when he should’ve been focused on policy.

It was an ordinary evening when the allure of his secret desires beckoned him home. After a long day of meetings and speeches, he stepped through his front door, the weight of the world falling away as he crossed the threshold into the soft glow of his living room. There it was—the singular piece of furniture that had become his sanctuary: an inviting, oversized couch that had borne witness to countless evenings of contemplation and reflection.

But tonight felt different. Tonight, the couch radiated a tension he couldn’t quite understand. Perhaps it was the way the light cascaded onto its cushions, or maybe it was the way he envisioned what could happen there—those forbidden encounters that danced tantalizingly in his mind.

C.J. stood before the couch, cheeks flushed as he awkwardly cleared his throat. "Uh, hey there, couch," he stammered, glancing around to ensure no one was watching. "You’re looking... really comfortable today. I mean, just look at those plush cushions and that inviting upholstery. It’s like you’re begging me to sit down."

He stepped closer, inhaling the faint scent of cat fur mixed with the fabric softener from the last wash. “You smell... um, cozy? Yeah, cozy. It’s like you’ve been waiting for me all day.” Nervously, he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know it’s a little weird, but you really know how to make a guy feel at home.”

C.J. plopped down on the couch, sinking into its softness with a contented sigh. “Wow, you really are something special. I could get used to this... just you and me, binge-watching shows and sharing snacks.” He glanced around again, hoping no one would overhear his ridiculous flirtation. “But hey, I’m not just saying that because you’re so plush. You’ve got a certain... charm.”

As he leaned back, the familiar embrace of the cushions enveloped him, allowing him to indulge in fantasy. His mind wandered, igniting a wild yearning deep within him, flaring like a match struck in the dark. The softness of the couch sparked memories of a microfiber cloth he had befriended in college—the way it would almost grab him back when he caressed its gentle fibers.

Closing his eyes, he pictured the microfiber cloth, the enticing form of its synthetic weave daring yet unyielding. Lost in that memory, he let out a tiny whimper of a moan, forgetting his title and responsibilities entirely. 

In vivid detail, he imagined the cloth sitting on his bed, waiting to seduce him from afar. He would savor the moment, every glance and smile charged with unspoken tension. C.J. could practically feel the heat radiating from the couch now, filling the room with an urgency that made his pulse quicken.

Suddenly, he snapped back to reality, heart racing. A fleeting thought intruded: what would it be like to step into the unknown? The couch beckoned him—a vessel of unfulfilled desires. His fantasies blurred with reality as he envisioned caressing the microfibers, lost in the whirlwind of passionate exploration.

“God,” he murmured to himself, catching the glimmer of need in the dim light. “This is weird.”

Yet how could he deny the thrill—the ache settling deep within him? Drawing in a deep breath, he reclined further into the plush cushions, closing his eyes again and allowing his mind to wander unfettered.

In this imagined world, C.J. yearned to surrender to the couch's embrace, losing himself as the outside world faded away. Every touch would be a declaration of forbidden intimacy, each embrace was a promise that transcended his reality.

But as much as he craved that moment, he couldn’t ignore the boundaries of his life outside these walls—the very nature of his position restrained him to a life of expectations and duty. Still, within this sanctuary, he felt liberated, the couch serving as a provocative reminder of his yearnings.

As reality slowly crept back, he opened his eyes, feeling the remnants of his fantasies crackling in the air. The couch had never merely been furniture; it was a testament to the unquenchable desires lurking just beneath the surface of his well-structured life.

With a determined glint in his eye and his heart still pounding, C.J. stood from the couch, knowing that whether he crossed the line or not, it was a temptation he could no longer ignore. The night was young, and perhaps he didn’t have to navigate this hunger alone. The couch might soon host more than just the weight of his dreams.

But as he moved toward the door to leave the room, something caught his eye, freezing him in place. There, on the table beside the couch, was the microfiber cloth. It had been there the whole time, beckoning to him like an insistent whisper. Suddenly, a wave of guilt washed over him. “What am I doing?” he thought, his heart sinking. The realization struck him—how could he flirt with a couch so openly while letting his responsibilities linger just outside the door? 

C.J. reached out to the cloth, feeling its fibers slide beneath his fingers, and he felt an overwhelming sense of both desire and guilt. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Maybe I should just sit with my thoughts for a while,” he murmured, suddenly aware of the line between fantasy and his reality. As he sat back down, he resolved to confront these feelings more honestly��it might just be the first step toward understanding the deeper desires that lay beneath the surface.

[perfecttenth]

A detail I really like about Budo in the final chapters of the PO arc is how his eyes are used to reflect his state of mind.

Normally he would have those contorted bloodshot eyes filled with fury, but whenever he starts to contemplate his goals, they appear more calm, similar to how they used to look when he was still The Man.

You can see it in the scenes leading up to his match with Shogun too. It almost feels like as if in these moments, he is closest to how he was back then.

It's best conveyed when Shogun uses the Gods' Guillotine on him and his life literally flashes in front of his eyes. He first has that angry expression as he struggles to escape from the move, but after he remembers how he would look forward to having his teachings surpassed by Shogun, his eyes go back to their original stiff look.

So right after he comes to terms with his fate and he has his mask shattered by Shogun, his demeanor fully shifts to his original compassionate self, greeting him with a contented smile.

It's a nice transition overall, both as a way to get rid of the overbody and also to display Budo's return to his true self.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/28/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Acts 18:19 - 19:41

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm Jill. today is the 28th day of November, welcome everybody. so glad that you're here joining us and making the Bible apart of your daily rhythm. today we are back in the book of Acts starting with chapter 18 verse 19 and will be reading through chapter 19 verse 41, this week we're reading The New International Version, Acts chapter 18. 

Commentary

We encounter an interesting story today in Acts 19:15 and 16 and one exorcism the seven sons encountered something they were completely unprepared for, an evil spirit spoke back to them I know Jesus it said and I know Paul but who are you so I may bring up the question is it wrong to say the name of Jesus sometimes it's a simple Cry for Help, a prayer and acknowledgment we say it in so many different contexts for so many different reasons and we even pray with all authority in the name of Jesus, which is not a wrong thing to do I might add but maybe where we can zoom in I'm pulling from the God of Your Story today, the story shows that invoking the name of Jesus isn't Magic or even commanding without his Spirit Within people. use the name of Jesus for many different reasons up until today but the authority of that name is present within those who have surrendered their identity to his ever-present work of sanctification. the evil spirit in this story knew who Jesus was, it even knew Paul's Authority in Christ but it had no respect for and could not be dominated by those who simply used the name without knowing the one behind the name, which when you think about it it's such a simple concept maybe we're praying to a god that we don't even know maybe we are praying in all authority to Jesus to get us out of a pickle and we don't even know him, personally heard about him know some things about him but lack intimacy with the one that we call the way the truth in the life. 

Prayer

So Jesus, today I pray that we would know you and come to know you in a new and personal intimate way knowing that you long to know us you long to be with us you long for presence with us. not to put in time not to do time but to truly know us, know our heart reveal our heart to get to the deeper truth of who we are and Who We Are. so I pray that as we call on your name we would contemplate our relationship with you and not use your name or try to use your power without a relationship of knowing you and without a deeper Longing To Know You. thank you that you hear us when we pray thank you that you long to know us be with us but you will never leave us never forsake us and pray this all in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen. 

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible That's home base that's the website you can check it out if you have not. take a look around and let's talk Christmas there are some wonderful resources there at the website created specifically to enhance your Journey Through the Bible and they make wonderful Christmas gifts and we will talk specifically about those tomorrow. if you would like to partner with us here at the Daily Audio Bible we thank you so much for your Partnership. if you're giving by mail, PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee your technology you can hit the give icon at the top of your mobile app and lastly you can look forward to give icon on the website. if you need prayer, if you'd like to pray for someone that's previously called in, several different ways for you to do so, 800-583-2164, button on the mobile app up at the top right hand corner you have 2 minutes on the prayer line, hit submit at the end turn the wheel over to chronological and it will get to the right place. that's it for me today, I'm Jill. we will turn the page together tomorrow as we wind this month down together I look forward to that time with you here, until then, love one another. 

Community Prayer Line

I want to lift up Kathy and prayer she called Going through father you know what they stand in Anita father I'm asking a little guy that you just give them God and send directions father as to which way to go father. allow them not to lean on their own understanding. dear Lord I'm asking for strength for all them, asking for comfort for them Lord God, and they are dealing with some difficult situations Lord God I'm asking Lord God you just show yourself Mighty Lord God and regardless of what they're going through father that you will be there for them Lord father marriage is a sacred thing Lord God as I went through a difficult time in my marriage father so I know look how exactly what it feels like. Lord but father I'm asking Lord God you just to It's A Touch of situation just look up Just Have Your Way father I really don't know what else to say father, all I can say is the difficult when that marriage starts to fall apart but father I am a living testimony Lord God and I know that you can draw them back lord God back lord God to the loving and the caring father and look how you just the intercede Lord God just in the middle of God just bring that triangle together and I'm just trusting and believing father and the mighty name of Jesus Lord God this is my prayer to you and then 

good morning DAB chronological this is Cynthia in Upstate New York and today is the 19th of November I would love to pray for Tanya and Ohio and I'd like to pray for Jill and her family Heavenly Father we say thank you for today and thank you for all that you give us we could not be here and we could not do the things we do without you and we do say thank you for that I come to you asking for prayer for Tanya and her family she has a boyfriend that she cares a great deal about but she has seen some red flags and doesn't quite know what to do with it but you do Lord I ask that you and your perfect will be done in her life to see and know so that she can make good decisions for her family Lord she loves you and that's evident that she's come to you even asking for prayer for him and I also pray for him that your will be done in his life as well as in hers to help make the choices and I pray for Jill and her family I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending such a beautiful platform to this world and helping us to know who you are by bringing us all around this Global campfire what a wonderful an amazing gift of Technology you've brought into this world so I thank you Jill and I thank your whole family for bringing so many of us together I had eye surgery in January and probably would have never found this place if not do the direction of a friend so Lord Jesus I thank you and your great Providence for direction and guidance and I just say a prayer for everyone today if you do not know the Lord Jesus please bring him into your life it's the best decision you'll ever make thank you Jesus amen 

[tatakaebomb]

Daddy’s girl

ꕥ Pairing : Dilf! Kuroo x Reader

ꕥ Synopsis : a sex site leading you to fuck your bestfriends dad? what a miracle worker.

ꕥ Word count : 3.1k

ꕥ TW : Smut, dumbification, domination, degrading, cam recording, nude photos, sending pictures, receiving pictures, fingering, choking, mutual masturbation, phone sex, AGE GAP, mentions of oral (f+m), slight manipulation, intrusion, unsolicited exposure, insecurity, vulgar language, perversion, sexualising, contemplation, dub con, fear play, breath play, s&m, SLIGHT ASPHYXIATION by choking, pornography, Dom! kuroo, v clear daddy issues, orgasm denial. 18+

'Hmm maybe more cleavage?' You think to yourself as you attempt to perfect the best tit pic. The lighting set low as you arched your back in attempt to make your breasts perkier than they already were.

The click of your camera and poke of your tongue had you contemplating on sending the next photo. Was it too risky? You may be able to make out who you were if you squinted hard enough, hair drifting down your shoulders as your completely naked form tucked underneath you on the pillowed bed.

'Forget it. I'll just send it...'

A sex site.

That's what you were doing.

Texting older men, trading nude photos as you giggled at the sight of them harshly pulling back their foreskin, cum trickling down their stomachs as they beg for even a glimpse of your beautiful face. Your body on full display as you played with yourself on video call, eyes oogling and tongues drooling at the sight of you, face indistinguishable as you merely angled the camera low towards your figure.

It was boring, your regular routine as a horny university student. Youth did nothing for you. You had the lazy hookups with the sleazy college students, you had your pussy ate out, you had your lips latched onto another guys writhed tip as he did nothing but loosely stare down at you. Yuck.

You had nothing good in your sex life, nothing adventurous or interesting. That's why you signed up for this site - no expectations, no awkward talking stage. Just vulgar photos and pornography shared between two anonymous people.

-

*1 message request from k3rc4t*

Looking at your phone you glimpsed at the sight of a topless man, abs coated in sweat as his drawers hung low on his waist, swiping on his photos they were all the same, teases from himself as he cups his large girth in the last photo, outline of a semi hard cock struck out from his boxers.

K3rc4t -

Hey beautiful.

Tapping your fingers at your phone you eagerly replied. It's been a while since you've had a well in shape guy message you.

Fk7slut -

Hey daddy...

K3RC4T is typing...

K3rc4t -

Fuck you look so tight. Your pictures get me hard.

Laughing at his lewd comments you typed back to him. Biting your lip at the pictures he's sending you, cock hard, throbbing against his hand as his veins pulse out to you. Balls hanging loosely under it as you could see he's clearly trained in shared pornography.

You snapped back, red lingerie glowing out to him as your nipple 'happened' to be poking out enough to tease him, you smiled at the way he was so quick to open it. The way he was so frantic to speak to you. Typical coming from men on this app.

-

A knock to your door had you scrambling to your feet, tired face and oversized top thrown over your figure as your eyelash extensions almost teared apart from how hard you were rubbing your eyes.

'Hm?' You said opening the door, sun catching you off guard as you almost hissed from the brightness.

'Y/N? It's 2PM?! I told you to be up at 10am. Whatever. Let me in I forgot the key'

Your bestfriend, Mai kuroo. You've known her for 4 years and ever since then you've been inseparable. Two peas in a pod you could say.

Moving to a side she trailed in, arms slumped across her body as she took you in. You looked a disaster, hardly correlating what's happening around you.

'So. My parents are getting a divorce...'

'What a way to put that to me first thing in the morning.' You laugh, walking into the kitchen pouring yourself a glass of black coffee.

'Yep. And you know what that means?' She trailed behind you, slumping herself over the counter as she leans her head on one of her hands. Cute smile beaming out to you as you KNOW she's about to ask you for a favour.

'...what...' you sip your coffee, attempting to ignore her pleading expression.

'Your coming with me to stay at my dads new house! Yay!' She clapped her hands. Expecting you to be as happy as she is. Instead you furrowed your eyebrows, why are you dragged into this.

'Mai as much as I love you, that's not fucking happening.'

'What why??' She whined.

'Isn't that a bit awkward, you know? Your parents just got a divorce why do I need to come with you anyways. I've hardly met him'

'And that's why! Please y/n. He works a lot so I don't see him much and he said I can bring you to stay. He owns a huge mansion in Tokyo. TOKYO. We can go on a shopping spree, explore the city, pleaseee... I really need a friend in need.'

Huffing you gave in. A few days off work is harmless you suppose.

-

1am

K3rc4t -

Wanna video call? ;)

Setting your phone up on the edge of your bed you lowered the camera, long hair thrown over your shoulder as you crossed your legs over your bed. Waiting for him to pick up the phone.

'Hey beautiful' you heard him through the phone. Voice lower and sexier than you were prepared for.

'Hey daddy, you okay? I was thinking about you today...' you mumble through the phone. Pulling your top down harsh against your body to show the outline of your breasts and nipples.

The camera was directed towards his body, his laptop seemed to be laying on his lap as his figure rested against the headboard. Lazy set up as you could make out the band of his boxers and his semi hard erection lifting up slightly.

'Really? What you been thinking of beautiful.' You Heard his mellow voice murmur as he lifted his arm to rest on the headboard, arms flexed up as his muscles glowed into the camera.

'Just you daddy, and how bad I wanna feel your fingers inside me. How much I want your big dick inside of me...' You moved against the bed as you tried your hardest not to let your head drop low enough to show ur face.

'Yeah? Well why don't you show me baby. Take off your top lemme see those pretty tits.'

Complying you rolled your top off and threw it to the floor, hands moving up to pinch and play at your nipples, head swinging back as you heard his slight grunting from the other side of the phone, he himself teasing his rock hard cock through his material.

'Mm you like that daddy? I wanna touch myself so bad please daddy...' you cooed, the material of the bed not enough to keep you from getting over excited.

'Go on baby, show me what those fingers do.' He finally replied, his hand stroking himself at this point as you eagerly laid slightly back on your bed, head swung back as you pushed your digits inside you. A loud moan slipping from your lips as you pushed in and out of yourself, two fingers knuckle deep inside you as you slowly hit your g spot. Groans slipping from the anonymous man every time he heard the way your pussy squelched at just a simple touch.

'If you want me princess, two fingers isn't big enough. Put another one in there, and I wanna see you squirt. Got it?'

'Y-yes daddy' you hesitantly pushed your third finger inside of you as you picked up the space, clit writhing under your touch as your thumb moved to fiercely rub at it. Your eye catching onto the way he pulled out his cock and slapped it against his toned stomach, hand moving to fuck hinself at the same pace your going.

'A-ah-yes mm-' you muttered, feeling yourself almost come undone at the sheer size of him touching himself, uncircumcised huge dick rubbed against his large hand. Small mutters and groans escaping his hidden lips as he was mesmerised with the way your fingers delved inside of you.

'I-I'm gonn- cum- fuck fuck' you dragged out your lips, the knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter the more you pushed inside yourself, video camera showing everything and more inside of you, the way your fingers curled inside of you, the way your clit beamed out onto the camera, the way slick began coating your legs and inside.

'Yeah? Cum for me baby fuck.'

So you did exactly that. Fluids spraying from under you as you squirted right onto your phone, head falling back as you continued to rub yourself right till your end. And so did he, spurts of cum hitting his torso as he watched yourself writhe so sexily with his permission. You were so submissive. So beautiful...

-

'Here we are!' Mai cheered infront of the grand house.

It was huge, paved driveway opening up towards beautiful steps perfectly carved to fit the modernised aesthetic of the house. Mai's dad must be a millionaire.

'Dad!' She screamed. Dropping her bags and jumping into her dads arms. He effortlessly twirled her in his arms as you were still in shock at the size of this place. You knew he was rich but this was overwhelming.

'Y/N. This is my dad. Dad, y/n'

'Nice to meet you sir'

'Oh please call me kuroo' familiar voice spoke out

You take in his hand and shake it, tinted glasses not being able to show the way you took in his clearly athletic body. Mai's dad was really something else. Why would anyone divorce HIM?

-

Every morning you'd be served with pancakes and syrup, a full English breakfast served on plates beneath you with so many things to choose from.

Every morning you'd be woken up to the sight of Mai waving her dads unlimited credit card in your face. Another shopping spree, of course you never took his money, even though he insisted.

Every morning you'd hope to get with someone like him, he's your friends father you know. Not HIM but like him. Not so bad right?

He was laughing with you when you spoke to him, occasionally you caught small glances from him being thrown your way, and you won't lie sometimes you put on a little show. Low cut tops and cute smile from you every time he would pass, knowing he would do his hardest not to disrupt your modesty. Knowing he would go into his room and think about how he needs to contain himself. Your his daughters bestfriend? A bit lewd coming from the fact he's pretty much double your age.

It's not any easier for you. He's so polite, so kind, sure you felt wrong doing this to Mai. But she was too oblivious to notice. Too interested in the way her newest shoes made her walk funny, or the fact her designer dress didn't fit her.

9 days. 9 days was all you had in this before you had to go back home, and the 9th night wrapped round ever so fast.

-

You didn't have much time to yourself, heck hardly any time. The only privacy you got was in the spare room of the house which u slept in. Even then you hardly slept a wink, too busy entertaining the guy on the other end of the phone.

And that's where it took you. As you patiently waited for him to reply to your newest nude you slumped your head on the back of the bed, naked form being cooled by the wind of the fan blowing in your direction. Fingers anxiously refreshing your phone for every second it took for him to reply.

K3rc4t -

That's it? Cmon princess I wanna see more of you. As much as I love your body show me more of those pretty lips.

You contemplated this. He wanted a face reveal, you wasn't insecure, you knew that your looks would be enough to have him crazy over you but...wouldn't it strip from the fun?

You moved to place your thumb on your mouth, teasingly pulling down your lip as you peered up into The lense, whole face on display as you fluttered your lashes up, the shutter went off and there you reluctantly sent it. Heart almost pounding at the thought of him receiving it.

Five minutes. Five whole minutes ago he read it. What's he doing? Maybe he's busy? Maybe his phone died? Maybe he's taking one back?...

You knew this was a bad idea, maybe it's leaked all over the internet. Maybe everyone's gonna find out about your secret little addiction. You almost bursted into tears at the thought of it, with every second that passed you grew more and more insane.

'Fucks sake I wish I never trusted h-'

'Y/N?'

You heard your name being called from outside your room as you froze at the sound of mai's dad. What do you do? Shit the doors opening.

Before you could move to cover your naked form up with the blanket you saw him step inside. Your phone being thrown on the bed in pure shock of what's going on.

You frantically move to grab your shirt and cover yourself but before you could you were pinned down on the bed, his face merely centre meters from yours.

'K-kuroo...?'

'Y/N... Or should I even call you that?'

Confusion was the only thing you felt the more you stared up at him, his lingering eyes peering down your body as he seperated himself from you, standing broad and tall above you as you felt small and narrow underneath him.

'What?..I-I'm sorry but isn't it a bit intrusive to walk in on me like this?!' Collecting your words together you felt yourself getting more annoyed at the sight of him there, as attractive as he is you still deserve your personal space.

'Yeah? Really? I knew there was something about you the second you came in here. Thinking you can walk around with those slutty skirts and low tops. Fuck I don't know how I've stopped myself this long...'

'What the fuck are you on about? Why are you in here?'

'I'm hurt, you seriously don't recognise my voice? Maybe if I tell you what to do one more time your memory might come back to you'

And there it was, the realisation of what's going on. He's the guy on the other end, he's the one you fuck yourself to every other night, he's the one you cum over and over just to the sound of his commands. HES MAI's DAD.

'Y-your... tha- THATS YOU?!'

'Yep. And considering that last photo you sent me your getting fucked like there's no tomorrow, just how you've been begging me to do, isn't that right baby...'

His lips move to latch onto yours as you struggle underneath him, body writhing under his touch as his finger moves up to play with your nipple, tongue entering your mouth, gathering all the saliva he can as you moaned loudly as the feeling of his hardened clothed cock rutting into you.

Two fingers suddenly shot into your mouth, your hand moving to clutch at his wrist as you sucked harshly onto his long fingers, eyes staring straight into his as he watched you greedily shake for more.

'It's like you want my daughter walking in here, is that what you want, her to see me fucking her pretty little bestfriend, yeah?'

Your head frantically moved left to right, too scared of the consequences if she saw you fucking her dad. How would you explain it? He was the one you've been sexting these past few months, he's the guy whose seen you naked more times than she has?

'Your such a little slut, fuck your legs are coated...' he took his fingers out and played with the flesh on your thighs, a soft moan escaping your lips the closer he got to your cunt, fingers scissoring your slit as you were almost begging for him to touch you. Atleast once. All these months of waiting for him, for him only to be your new profound crush? Is this a dream come true?

‘Kuroo- please- need you..’ you struggled to get your words out as he continued rubbing you gently, teasing you with long flicks to your aching pussy.

‘Kuroo? That’s my name now? I prefer the other name you gave me baby..’

‘Daddy please- please..’

His fingers moved inside of you as your back arched off your bed, drool slipping from your mouth as your head lolled to the side. His pace agonisingly slow as he moved to rub your clit with his rough thumb, smirking at the way you winced at the cutting inside of you.

‘Use your words baby..’

‘Mmmm faster please- please I’ll be good I won’t be loud..’ you begged. He had enough, his cock was so strained against him at the sight of you already spoilt underneath him. He played with you, your pussy dripping his fingers as he glared at the way you sucked him in so well, glossy fingers coated with your slick as you moaned and cooed at the feeling of him inside of you. Heavy pants escaping your lips the closer you got to reaching your high, eyes glistening from the agonising teasing.

‘Gnna cum- so close’

‘Cum and I’ll spank you till your screaming, got it? Your so tempting baby, you sure you deserve my cock?’

‘YES- yes yes yes yes yesssssss’ you dragged out mind dumb and lust blown from the magic he’s already done from underneath you. To focused on not releasing already you didn’t even feel him pull himself out, only to replace it with his large aching cock, long veins striking down it as he pounded balls deep inside of you, fingers reaching inside your mouth as his other hand moved to choke your neck, you looked so dazed underneath him, tits moving up and down as your tongue lolled out, you look exactly like his imagination, he had to do everything to contain himself.

‘God your as tight as I thought you’d be…’ he murmured, eyes locked onto where you both connect, fingers blocking your airways as you felt your head almost go blank from dizzyness.

‘Daddy pleasseeeee- wan you please… inside please.’ You were knocked out, he already made you so dumb on his cock without having to try. You were such a pleasure to fuck, such an imaginable girl.

‘Cum for me baby- fuc-fuck-‘

On instance you both came at the same time, a large wail stripping from your body as his head hung low, eyes clammed shut in an attempt to reach his high. Large pants and breathing shared within the room as you both were too knocked off to realise what just happened…

‘DAD?!’

[kthynes]

a fuck stop

18+

With every journey there’s a destination.

trucker!ransom x fem!reader

warnings: course language, brief mentions of harassment, smut, bordering dub-con (but both parties are willing participants), either way MINORS DNI. This contains the following acts: oral (m receiving), face fucking, semi-public, rough protected sex (p in v), cum play, pet names. Slightly innocent fem!reader.

author's note: I was definitely over my head while writing this. Lmao it is what it is.

taglist: @patzammit @mrs-djokovic @ysmmsy

This has not been beta’d, any fuck ups are my own.

Somewhere in the middle of sandy, bum-fuck Arizona, Ransoms rafting truck churns to make a short pit stop. Al’s Handy Gas Mart, the peeling marquise board reads.

Get where you’re going with Al’s help.

The scorching summer heat sirens a gradual buzzing noise that is distinct to the human ears and could have easily been mistaken for the seasonal cicadas that did their usual dance.

There's some reluctance as the delinquent trucker squints past the harsh orbital rays and flips off the switchboard radar that proctors every signal and call. In this groveling instant, his transporter buddies, mostly old and balding men in their late 40s, were having a hoot, cruising down the winding i-95 and every interstate toll. Their whereabouts were scattered with very little indication. Some could be laundering south of the border, maybe shuttering the eastern seaboard or comrading the mid-west. Inevitably, Ransom didn't care to know, tuning into utter radio silence and a pint size of disassociation that came along with it.

The gravel rickets and crunches against the tough leather tires as he slowly approaches a designated haul over. While still learning shift, he finally yanks down the gear shift into park while the engine chugs on for life, rattling the offloaded truck bed behind him. Eventually the keys fall out of the ignition slot and he starts to regather his thoughts.

He does this a lot. Contemplates. Staggers. Hopes to get a call of some sort but then is left disappointed. Harlan's dead. Marta has a settlement order out for him and his own mother has disbanded the idea of spawning a son in the first place. Insipidus if you ask him. But that was it. He'd have to work for his money now, see counsellors, his PO, Callista who retrains him to be a better man and not reoffend if there's ever a given will and/or reason. His odyssey is only his and for that he exhales, profoundly.

While distracting himself through means of people-watching, Ransom runs a steady hand over his now abundant 5 o’clock shadow that covers his once cleanly shaven and youthful physiognomy. He holds himself at the sight of nothingness.

It’s a piss off and with more than two days on the open road he's finally had enough.

🌵

“Well there’s a tune you don’t hear often.” A stocky, old man rivets the second he steps into the shoebox shop. “What a guy, I tell ya.”

Hans Olson was the topic of discussion. His music inflates from the dodgy surround sound. You, on the other hand, barely gave a rat's ass.

“I guess.” You carelessly gnaw on your necklace, looking past the sprawling window pane to make sure that no cracksman stole gas from the loose latches. To your surprise there’s not a single soul that idles by, gas prices were at an all time low (in a utopian society) yet you could never be too sure.

“Pump 2, doll face.” Pudgy Patterson states, leering over the counter as a way to grab your attention. He’s inadvertently chewing on something, tobacco? Gum? His unfinished meal you’d assume.

"Credit, debit or cash?" You dryly reaffirm, scrunching your nose at his heady body odor.

His unsaid expectation falls short when you start up the till, punching in an abstract combo code and then punting a hellish smile that demurs your discomfort.

“Can you break a hundred?” He eventually sifts through his wallet and puts down a mangy, water damaged bill.

Your hesitation persists, slowly retrieving the note as your eyes return to survey the outside yonder.

Ching! The register drawer pops open and you begin to count his change while doing a not-so-subtle double take out the glass aperture.

In the orange hue glow, you owlishly stare at Ransom Drysdale who hops out of the truck and slams the door shut. He stands his ground while adjusting his Guns ‘n Roses ball cap that sits atop his mousy swept tresses. You admired the fine, towering man, clad in a pair of faded blue jeans and a size too small black tee. His large feet were anchored the muddiest pair of Windriver boots as he kicked up his stride.

Your watchful eyes go dry with interest, quivering innately at his presence. He’s someone new. Someone absolutely insatiable.

“You know, a pretty little thing like yourself shouldn’t be working at a truck stop.” You’re forgetful of the grimy stranger who’s still around, leering at your candor that falters just the slightest.

“Shouldn’t be your concern.” You snap while giving him his exact change. “Have a good day now.”

“Not so fast peaches. Gimme a pack of Dunhills will ya?” He wags a finger behind you where there’s a closed filing cabinet stocked with easy to buy cigs and cartridge pens.

“All out.” You say.

“You’re a no-good liar. You didn’t even check.”

“I don’t have to, I know my inventory.” You deadpan.

“Why don’t I check for ya.” He rudely insists, coming around the counter to ambush your parole.

“Oh what the fuck dude!”

One by one he rifles through the unit and tosses each box onto the plexiglass counter.

“Let’s see we’ve got Camels, Marlboros, Pall Mall, Backwoods…” And then he looks at you, deviously licking his chops, eyes darkening like the abysmal night. “Hmm and what’s this?”

Behind the till you’re a sore sight to see; frayed short shorts and a busty white v neck that has a matching grease stain the size of Arkansas, compliments of the job in itself. He pokes his nose forward, sniffing out the sweet aroma of flora, gasoline and the slight notes of coffee you had prior to. Like a predator drawn to his prey, you have his vices in check.

“A dainty ol’e Sue... Oh would I love to taste you.” He touches and tosses your hair, you recoil with disgust upon contact. He longingly sneers, taking on your discomfort as a power play to get his erection going. Fucking wacko. “I gotta say, Al is a true Hefner for hiring ‘em young and ripe.”

The stranger edges forward and you scoot back, letting your manicured claws drag along the porous ledge with each walk in step. You heed caution and warning, something you were so desperately trying to work on as your voice trembles.

“I’d appreciate it if you back the fuck off.”

“No can do sweets not until I get some.” His dirtied paw reaches to cup your face and you narrowly turn away, ready to invoke a knee jerk reaction. “C’mon baby, give me a chance, hmm? I promise it’ll be good fun…” He sanctions right under while you pinched your eyes shut.

“We can do it right here, where no one's watching—“ His knuckles rub up the side of your thighs, coaxing you to spread your feet apart and be a willful contender. It’s broad daylight. Sin becomes a sinuous resolve. “What do you say?”

Ransom clears his throat right in time. It’s a glottal record scratch that stops ‘Jimmy’ in his place. His jaw ticks in stride of his heinous pursuit, a hand that rests by your bare leg turns into a balled fist.

There’s some dense relief. Your malignant heartbeat steadies and soon after an easy, unintentional breath escapes your lips, thanking your luck and savior.

“One of the pumps out front isn’t giving. You might wanna throw a sign on it.” Upon interaction, Ransom modulates a low, dangerous twang that isn’t native to the county you were in. Your curiosity piques while he awaits his turn, barely meeting your eye.

“Oh OK, I’ll, um, have that looked at shortly.” You salute his less than verbose demeanor. “I-I can help you whenever you’re ready.”

“I don’t think we’re done here.” The man encroaching your space sticks an arm out and cages you back into the corner. Your dismay stouts him as he expects you to turn the other trucker away.

Ransom stands stock still, eyes drawn to his flap wallet. He’s nonchalantly looking through cards and loose change, thinking out loud almost.

“Come meet me out back.”

“How ‘bout you hit the road, partner.” Ransom finally grovels. He doesn’t tolerate bullies and weak men who assert their sexual dominance on women who counter with no, a full perfunctory sentence.

“Not a chance. You can pay and leave us be.”

Ransom sibilants in defeat, murmuring something crassly unheard of. There’s a daunting fixation that furrows his brows together, deciding he’d pay you with fortitude instead.

“You know this guy, sweetheart?” He turns to stare at you and you’re astounded by the brightest baby blues known to man.

“U-Uh, no sir.”

Sir. Ransom liked the sound of that. He sucks in a deep breath, not expecting to cause a scene or be an unfavorable vigilante. But the sweet look on your face was absolutely beguiling, merciless of his ill-thoughts that came to him in the darkest hour. It’s been a long time coming, maybe you could be a pure succor. Suck or…

“Hmm,” he hums to himself. Toady Tom eyes him with vengeance that silently remunerates the atmosphere that grows heavy. “And do you want him to stay or leave?”

Ransom slides a weightless 50 on top of the scratched up counter and you swallow thickly, finding your voice again. “Leave.”

“Well then, I guess that settles it.” The perverted man behind the counter scoffs. He’s incredulous, tongue pressed against the shallows of his cheek. He almost surrenders but the jaunt stubbornness prevails.

"Yeah right."

"You heard the lady.” Ransom reminds the impolite patron.

“Far from a lady.” He instantly sneers before turning to you with a loaded threat. “You watch yourself now little one, I’m only just a few doors down. Don’t think I won’t find ya.”

“Fahk outta here.” Ransom enforces, growing agitated by the second. They share some imparted words, one man sizing up the other.

After a few Milkyways and bags of Lays splatter across the tile floor, the door chimes violently rattle with his obdurate departure. He’s gone like the wind. But that isn’t enough to detract you, to have you thanking the beautiful man in front of you who now looks completely unfazed.

“Thank you… for that.” You shakily express and he nods, properly sighting your illustrious figure.

“Of course.”

“Will that be all for today?” You mistakenly ask, mid-transaction and innocuous of his furthering insinuations. He simply smirks.

🌵

Your naivety and his spare will took an iniquitous turn.

The ‘Be Right Back in A Jiffy’ sign is flipped over while you’re quaffing down a nicely sized dick to the hilt. The warm, heavy appendage slides against your tongue that grafts each vein along his shaft. His leaky tip knocks at your tonsils while you manage to savor him to the fullest.

Ransom is helplessly in awe of your talents as he lets out a foul, debauched whimper. You’re glomming onto his cock for dear life as a thank you, needn’t he forget.

“Fuck sweetheart, you ain’t holdin’ back one bit.” He bucks as your hands go to knead his bare ass, gyrating him into a slow release. His large hands gather themselves in the root of your hair, yanking your head back when your testy teeth gently graze against his shaft.

“Watch the teeth, pretty girl.” He grits and you listen, humming a doe eyed look that overcomes him with a painful groan.

You’re a slobbering mess, jaw slack and locked in place. Your bare knees were planted on the perforated safe grip mat behind the till. His back, pressed against the ledge and away from an unseen crowd.

Midday was a rueful misdeemed fuck and you both reveled in it, letting out a symphony of taunting moans and grunts.

“So, so fucking beautiful.” He growls as you retreat, using your saliva and hands to sloppily lube up his manhood. You start fisting him, swirling your tongue just around the tip and that was enough for him to meet your eager pumps. He’s completely wrecked, caroling his sound praises and the ebb of your motions. His face puckers when the endorphins tingle right through his cock, an impassioned ache that needs relief.

“Just like that.” He breathes, feeling himself emancipated with tightness that recoils deep in his balls. “Mmm, that’s it. Fuck.” He tightly binds his eyes shut in the climb.

“Christ, I’m gonna cum.” Ransom is so close. His hands move your head back and forth with the propulsion of his hips sawing into your mouth.

With determination, you milk him dry, suckling on his tender flesh that slowly sears a hot opening and releases his furling spend in your oral cavity. The syrupy white substance coats your throat as you slither away to graciously swallow, stringing along spit and pride in your resurgence. His wet cock is semi-hard, bobbing after a good blow. His chest rises and falls as you rest on your haunches, appeased by the savoring musky flavor. The glassy look in his eyes stagnates when he tilts your chin up between his forefinger, assessing the damage with high praise.

“Well done princess.” He runs a thumb over your bottom lip, collecting a bit of his cum that seeps out before bringing it to his lips to taste.

“Anything else, sir?”

Oh you were a helpless one. “Get up.” He orders, wanting something quick and dirty.

“You don’t ask, you take,” You mewl at his disorderly aggression as he turned you around, his front pressed against your back. You swell at his dominance, not taking into account that you could be gutted any second and left for dead. "But only if you want to. Do you want this?"

You wordlessly nod at his manifesto.

“What was that?” He breathes heavily in your ear, hands trailing up the side of your body.

“Yes, sir.” You meekly reply, all the air vacuumed out of your lungs.

“Good girl.” Not letting a second pass, Ransom yanks down your cut offs and thong, bearing him your wet throbbing cunt and an unsparing ass. He takes his time admiring your backside and spreads your cheeks apart, bemused by the line of slick that glistens under the fluorescent lighting. He wets his bottom lip as a sign of fascination, adjusting his stance forward while you’re preening with anticipation.

“Please.” You pathetically whisper letting his thick fingers swipe through your folds, just merely grazing your entrance.

“Please what?” He curtly rasps.

“Please fuck me.”

“Fuck you good or fuck you quick?”

“Both.” You pant, slumping forward with your body halfway across the countertop.

“And would you like my fingers or my cock, princess?” He tests even though his middle and ring fingers are already circling your clit and making you cower.

“I-I don’t know.” You cry from pleasure that clouds your overall judgement, brows furrowed at the bubbling sensation in your core that short circuits your poor brain.

“You don’t know?” He mocks, going up a baritone.

“I—“ You wheeze, feeling his deft fingers work in and out of your pussy with slow tenacity. The way your body gave out to him was humiliating. From the slurping wet scissor thrusts to your shrewd little moans egging him on, Ransom couldn't be any more dignified. He needed this form of control and ousting, it made him feel godly, salaciously taking him back to the way he's always been. “Oh god.”

In your blissful state, Ransom reaches for the accordion pack of condoms that were left hung up on the side. He uses his teeth to rip one open before abandoning his finger fucking strife to properly pinch and roll the condom on. You moan at the loss of contact and then he harrumphs with a compliant thrust just to shut you up.

You squeal, feeling his fullness only reach halfway into your cunt. You were ill prepared. The initial burn and stretch was agonizing and it became too impermeable to let go.

"Shit." Ransom respires with discomfort, he didn't mean for that happen as your mouth falls open and your head rolls back, impartially cock drunk.

“I need you to relax, princess. Can you do that for me?” He whispers in your hair while using a hand to leverage your legs apart, slightly bending at the knees to ease his drive. Your pelvic floor muscles loosen up a bit as he fed you inch by inch. Your toes begin to curl up against the rubberized mats, your bodies finally come together as one. Your tight cunt does the honorable thing and sucks him right in without give. With a sharp intake of breath, Ransom tries his damned hardest not to bust his load in you, stiffening his movements to implore a faintly found. “Fuck... you feel s'good, princess.”

He’s fully seated in you, not budging one bit and questioning his need to cherish the moment.

“Mmm.” You hum desperately rolling your hips to alleviate the straining ache in your core while bracing the ridged tabletop.

"All for me, huh?" Ransom took it upon himself, your seldom plea, to fuck you senseless. He soon grunts and ruts his hot cock into your weeping little cunt, startling you in the endeavor.

Your squeaks prevail at a piercing octave. The fiery sensation, thrust and drive has your eyes rolling in the back of your skull. The sounds of slapping skin, loose change rattling in the register and the breathy high pitched moans calibrated the impactful sex. It’s an infinite juxtaposition of two strangers sharing bodily fluids and momentary, carnal pleasure that remained completely oblivious to the ghost towners around.

“God you’re taking my cock so well.” His hand comes around and cups you above your pubic mound, feeling his bulge and sidling some pressure to amount your acclimating climax. He intuitively stimulates your g-spot and that’s enough to drive you buck wild.

“Fuck!” You flutter around his cock as a sure fire sign that you were about to cum.

“You feel that?” He husks, steadily rocking his hips.

“Harder, baby.” You urge, a hand reaching over your shoulder to ghost his cheek, craving his physical closeness in your undoing. He follows through on your order, tightly gripping on your waist to continue his ramming thrusts.

Your straining breasts jiggles as both your hands slam onto the wooden flange for support. After a few rigorous pumps, your internal coil snaps, a warm electric release floods through you.

Ransom continues his chase through your pulsating schlump. He hisses as the dam bursts and ropes of his seed balloon up in the condom, unfulfilling you of him.

There’s that clarity. You’re both breathless and spent, wasting in each other's coital recollection. It’s fucking bleak for two self-effacing individuals who weren’t on a first name basis, wrapped up in a shoddy service station and dribbling in each other’s cum.

“You good?” Ransom asks while hovering over you. He lets his dick soften before pulling himself out and leaving you warmly hollow.

“Yeah.” You murmur, looking over your shoulder to dazzle a light grin. He’s appeased, carelessly eyeing the line of your bitten lips and mirrors an opaque smile of his own. He's not a mind reader but there's definitely something more to you that he can't ascribe.

“Sure?”

“Mhm.” You sing.

“Good.”

He discards the banded condom and lets you redress. There’s some muddling silence that thrives with naughtiness.

“Thank you for stopping by Al’s Handy Mart. We hope you come again.” You charm while readjusting yourself behind the till, very well knowing that you're probably going to have to take a bird bath in the restroom later. Ransom is fully dressed for his travels, trouser button left open as he rounds the corner to grab some Gatorade from the stock fridge and a couple stray bags of chips.

“Oh I'll definitely come for you.” He jokes, swigging his drink with one foot out the door and his dick still twitching for more.

[littlemisspascal]

The Before

Pairing: Ruescott Melshi x Female Reader

Word Count: 4000+

Summary: There is a story before, when, and after Keef Girgo enters your life. This is the Before.

Rating: M (18+, minors please do not engage!)

Warnings: Prison/Narkina 5 storyline but an AU where woman inmates are assigned to each unit as 'peacekeepers', language, established relationship, non-descriptive smut + references of smut, possessiveness, rough handling, biting, references of violence + blood, non-descriptive suicide (not major character death)

- Reader has no official name and no physical traits described in detail. However, she is picked up twice + is implied to be shorter than Melshi (because I'm a sucker for height differences)

Author Note: So...Idk what happened, I just watched Andor and something about the prison arc really resonated with me. And I really loved Melshi’s scenes and his connection with Cassian (or, Keef, I guess technically lol) so I decided to give writing for him a shot. I am not a smut writer, it’s just not for me, but I wanted to also try to step outside my usual comfort zone a little bit too when writing and thus---this fic was born. Hope someone enjoys it 😊

Special thanks to @beecastle for beta reading and encouraging me 💜

The When

There is a scar across the top of Melshi’s hand that flashes silvery-white whenever the light catches it just right. You’ve been mesmerized by it for almost a dozen shifts now. His hands, in general, have starred in many of your dreams: the sandpaper quality of his skin, thick fingers covered in calluses, how they flex and fidget when he works. 

Once upon a time your mind used to torture you by fantasizing what those hands would feel like touching you. If he’d be rough or gentle. How lucky you are now to know reality is better than even your wildest fantasies.

From the other side of the table, where he’s twisting a bolt into place with a hydrospanner, Melshi’s eyes lift to meet yours. The sleeves of his uniform are rolled up, exposing pale skin rippling as his muscles tighten and slacken with every movement. You track the faint blue lines of veins along the tender flesh of his wrists, up his forearms, imagining you can follow them all the way to his heart. The whooshing of blood pumping in your ears is nearly loud enough to block out the ruckus of machinery sounds. 

Nearly.

Melshi’s brow twitches, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it show of concern. An unspoken question only you hear. What’s wrong? 

Other prisoners have described this place as hell, but you're not so sure. Hell is pain and anguish on an infinite loop—a fitting description to a T, except for one glaring exception. Narkina 5 has Melshi. So it can’t be hell, you reckon, because Melshi is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. He’s your everything.

Nothing, absolutely nothing can compete with what you have within these walls. Fresh air, sunshine, the smell of the dirt after it rains. You’d trade them all if it meant staying by his side.

You give the smallest shake of your head. Nothing. An even subtler quirk of an eyebrow. Thinking.

There’s more you could say. A whole book of dialogue exchanged in shrugs, facial tics, and flaring nostrils. Melshi would follow along with every nonexistent word. 

But you don’t need to say anything else. Melshi understands your silences too.

He winks, sly as a fox. 

Back to work, little dreamer.

—

The view outside the window is the same above as it is below, dozens of skybridges full of men standing in lines with a single woman spotted here and there amongst them. You press your forehead against the glass, reminiscent of your childhood days on commercial flights. Behind you, Melshi stands alert, keeping an eye on Kino shouting orders further up ahead, ready to pull you back in line at a second’s notice. He holds your hand, thumb absently rubbing circles.

For a moment, you contemplate stealing his attention. Look, Rue, you’d say, tapping at the window, gesturing to the gaps between the ugly facility where water pours down in torrents, breathtaking in its intensity. And Melshi would turn his head, dark eyes burning like a wildfire, and you’d forget the view immediately, discovering a far more beautiful sight.

But Kino opens his mouth again and you’re tugged back in line and the moment’s gone. 

—

One morning, Ulaf gives you a scrutinizing look, his aged eyes dark and full of knowing, and says, “He’s it for you, isn’t he?”

The two of you walk side by side to the work ring, your turn to make sure he doesn’t get pushed around by the other prisoners. Up ahead, Melshi looks back every other step, glaring at anyone who gets too close to you, softening when he catches you smiling. 

“Yes,” you say simply, feeling warm all over. “He is.”

—

You’ve hit another milestone. Your sentence is now in the double digits. It’s not the lowest on the level, that honor goes to Ulaf, but still, not everyone lasts this long. All the Table Five guys come up and pat you on the back when they hear. All of them, except for Melshi.

You get it—or you think you do, at least. Because your time together has felt like a bubble, a separate realm from the rest of the universe. This milestone is a ticking bomb threatening to destroy that.

This milestone is one step closer to a goodbye.

“It’s inevitable, dream. Our ending was written from the start,” Melshi says, and goes into his cell. Lights out is near. You’re standing on the floor, arms crossed over your chest, loathing the tense points of his shoulder blades beneath the white and orange scrubs.

“Don’t say that.” 

“Why not? We both know it’s the truth.”

You stomp your foot and Melshi shoots you a look, squinting like he doesn’t recognize you anymore. You meet his stare unflinchingly.

He turns away a beat later, sighing through his nose. “C’mon, get inside.”

And that should be the end of it. You should let go of your churning frustration and join him in bed. Both of you should just keep on pretending everything’s fine, fall back smoothly into the same routines, and when your final shift comes you’ll leave without hesitation, never looking back. Just like the woman who left before you and the woman who left before her. 

You’re not like those other women, though. Everyone’s said so—you still smile, still laugh. Still dream. So you remain motionless, even as the buzzer rings out and the floor lights blink. 

“Quit fooling around, dream,” Melshi snaps, eyes darting between the floor and your face. His nostrils flare, mouth hard, but you know him better than anyone, see the cracks of worry behind his steely anger. “Either come here or get in your cell.”

Your eyes narrow. 

“Dream.”

The overhead bulbs switch off.

“Dreamer.” His fear is blatant now, the whites of his eyes shining. 

He’s not the only anxious one. Inmates are leaning out of their cells all along the block, some shouting at you to move, others watching with bated breath for a possible show of sparks and your bloodcurdling wails. You can feel Kino’s gaze drilling holes into you, and you know he knows nothing he says or does will influence you to move.

The only person who has that power is right in front of you.

Melshi.

The floor lights flicker their final warning.

Melshi, who’s snatching you around the waist and hauling you off the floor, all but throwing you into the safety of his cell. Melshi, who’s crowding you against the wall, grip harsh enough there’s sure to be bruises in the morning. Melshi who doesn’t want to say goodbye either.

“There are no inevitabilities with us. All we can depend on is each other, Rue,” you say, tilting your head back to lock gazes. He’s breathing harshly, chest heaving, but his eyes, oh his eyes are shining stars.

Defenses torn apart, emotions ripple across his face, one after the other like skipping stones. Anger, misery, panic, but underneath it all, what has your heart threatening to burst, is understanding. His right hand leaves your waist, seizing hold of your chin, forcing you to stay still. As if you’d rather be anywhere else. 

“Don’t you ever do something so reckless like that again,” he says through gritted teeth, accent bolstered by his turmoil. His thumb ghosts over your bottom lip then, belying his temper. “I won’t always be there to save you.”

You lean forward in his hold, and the mere fact that he lets you sink into his personal space, hands winding around his neck, is proof enough of his devotion.

Your lips hover centimeters away from his, noses brushing, and a teasing smirk curls at the corner of your mouth as you peer up at half-lidded eyes dark with desire. 

“Liar.”

—

The scarlet beam of a welding laser scorches the tender skin of your knuckles. It isn’t a severe burn—merely a painful inconvenience—but Melshi frets over it the rest of the shift and even afterwards in the sanctity of your shared cell, cradling your hand in his with all the gentleness of handling a baby bird. 

“You need to stay focused, dreamer,” Melshi chastens, making a tsking sound with his tongue.

But you’ve been christened your moniker for a reason. Mind frequently drifting into the clouds far, far above, envisioning alternate lives beyond your underwater cage, making a home somewhere even the Empire and all its corruption cannot touch. 

You grin back at him. “I kind of like it actually. We match now.”

Melshi glances down at his scarred hand, almost like he’d forgotten the mark was there. Something dark passes over his face, a shadow of a triggered memory. A chapter of his life he’ll never tell you about.

“Just don’t make it a habit,” is all he says.

—

It’s funny, in a way, how certain little elements of prison life start to feel comforting in their familiarness. A fresh set of scrubs every third day. Morning stretches with an ample variety of bedheads. Taga’s signing lessons. The boom of Kino’s voice. Flavorless mush in a tube. Feet padding along on chilled Tunqstoid tiles. The shrill whirs and whines of machinery. Melshi’s fingers trailing heat along your body, breaths and moans blurring together in the dark. 

You wish you could reach out and bottle these moments, use them as painkillers on days when Table Five finishes last and the floor threatens to burn holes in the soles of your feet.

Jemboc nudges your arm with his, wondering where you drifted off to this time. You nudge him back, then shrug your shoulders. “Nowhere far.”

—

The guards don’t give two shits about what you and Melshi do after lights out. As long as you hold out your arm for a contraception injection at the start of each month and your “womanly influence” continues keeping the men of Unit Five-Two-D coolheaded, they won’t even care if you fucked a different cock every night. 

They don’t need to care what happens to anybody dressed in white and orange—they’re not paid to care, only to press a couple of buttons and announce ominous messages over the intercom throughout the day. And you hate it. Hate them and the entire Empire manipulating the galaxy like a giant puppet on a string. 

But you’re also a selfish creature. 

What you have with Melshi, your messy and beautiful bond, has not only been allowed to grow in this gaping blind spot, but flourish. It’s like fate intertwined your paths. Like Narkina 5 was always in the cards from the get-go. And in the rare moments where Melshi looks at you with unbridled affection, that selfish part of you will sing joyously because this belongs to you, this is all you need to be happy. Nothing else.

The rest of the galaxy could burn to ashes.

—

You watch Melshi sleep, sometimes. Quiet, lower lip clenched between your teeth, not wanting to wake him up and lose the moment of indulgence.

You know what will happen if he catches you. It’s happened twice before and panned out the exact same way. He’ll give you a bleary-eyed look once he sees you staring. Followed immediately by unintelligible grumbling and a hand pulling you forward, burying your face into the nook between his neck and collarbone. A wordless command to go to sleep.

Holding his hand in the waiting lines and blowing him in the dark for three years, Melshi doesn’t mind at all. But watching him sleep, curled on his side with an arm slung over your waist, marveling at how much younger he looks while he dreams as the midnight hours tick by—that triggers the transformation of your strong and hardened lover into someone shy and wrongfooted. It does something funny to your heart, even funnier to your mind.

Makes you wonder how different he’d be if you’d met Melshi outside of prison, what would stay the same. Would he bring you flowers on your first date? Would he whisper mine in your ear and hold you flush against his chest while thrusting deep inside you?

Perhaps that’s the truth of why you keep watching Melshi sleep, to see glimpses of this alternate persona buried beneath the familiar layers. 

You look up when fingers close around your wrist. And for a third time, you find yourself looking into the eyes of a stranger.

—

You first kissed Melshi on your 1,352th shift in the semi-privacy of the refresher, taking his face between your hands and smashing your mouths together.

It was all clashing teeth and needy tongues, and you tried to sink into the experience for all its worth, to let yourself be consumed entirely. But your heart pounded like a wrecking ball against your chest, and a voice in the back of your head screamed stop it! He’ll take advantage of you, for fuck’s sake! 

The voice was momentarily drowned out by the wet heat of Melshi’s mouth, a teasing nip against your bottom lip, and a wave of pleasure rolled over you from head to toe, a dizzying and dearly missed sensation.

And then you forced yourself to pull away.

Melshi merely blinked at you, a little dazed looking, lips red and slightly swollen. Oh, Maker…

“Sorry,” you murmured, dragging your eyes away to look at a very interesting spot on the wall over his shoulder. “I-I wasn’t thinking. I just—”

“Liar,” Melshi cut you off, not unkindly. He smirked at your affronted look. “You’re always thinking, little dreamer.”

He wasn’t wrong. Your mind was always thinking, planning, imagining, drifting, analyzing. Still, you huffed and crossed your arms over your stomach. You’d rather he just reject you outright than continue exacerbating your discomfort.

“How often?”

You arched an eyebrow. “How often what?”

Melshi pinned you with a sharp look, like you were being purposefully difficult. He leaned closer then, and your breath caught as he brushed his fingertips over your temple, palm cradling your cheek. “How often do I cross your mind?”

You let out a shuddered exhale. You’d never been touched like that before. Touched like you were worth more than a quick fuck and a fake promise of calling again soon. 

“Melshi,” you began only to be silenced by a thumb against your lips.

“Ruescott.”

Something inside of you cracked wide open.

“Ruescott,” you amended, voice barely above a murmur. His breath was hot against your cheeks, sending your thoughts into a whirlwind. “You…”

Maker, why was it so hard to focus? 

You felt feverish all over. Every nerve ending ablaze. Melshi’s eyes never left yours. And he must have known. He must have.

“Ruescott,” you raised a hand, tentatively resting it over his, grounding yourself in the physical contact, “you never leave my mind.”

Something shifted in his gaze, a flicker of an emotion you couldn’t identify, and then Melshi lunged, swallowing your startled yelp with his mouth, lips colliding.

The sudden fierce moment had you stumbling backwards against the wall, but Melshi’s hand was quicker, protecting your skull from the hit. And you, you didn’t know if it were possible to pull him in any closer, hands fisted in the itchy fabric of his scrubs, his arousal grinding against your inner thigh, but fuck if you didn’t make an attempt. 

Seconds, minutes, hours later—time had no meaning anymore, you were drunk on the taste of him—Melshi was the one dragging himself away with a low groan. You made an attempt to chase after his lips, but his hold on your upper arms was impossible to squirm out of, fingers flexing warningly.

“Not here, dream,” he said before throwing a glance over his shoulder. 

Awareness of your surroundings abruptly came screaming back to you. 

Oh, shit, you thought, the heat in your core extinguished immediately. Kissing was one thing to be caught doing, but two inmates letting loose their combined pent up sexual frustration in a fit of raw, unbridled fucking was quite another.

“Tonight,” he muttered, an oath sworn with another searing kiss. “Tonight I’m going to take care of you. I’ll fuck you so good every man on every level will know.”

You barely stifled the whimper in your throat. Insecurity bit at you, a parasite you couldn’t squash on your own. “Promise, Rue? You won’t leave me high and dry?”

Or worse, wet and wanting. 

“Promise,” was the instant response; no hesitation, no thinking. And then, quieter, infused with such bleeding sincerity you felt the words like individual blows: “I’ll make you a second one, too. You’ll never have to worry about me leaving you.”

At the time you thought him romantic. Now you understand his real meaning: you’ll never know a day apart from him because your sentence is shorter than his. 

—

“I love you,” you whisper in the midnight hours. Melshi pulls you closer, lips pressing against the crown of your head. One of his hands rests on the back of your neck, fingertips gently rubbing at your pulsepoint. 

“When I…” he cuts himself off, and you can hear the quiver in his voice, the words catching in his throat. “When I dream about a life outside of here, you’re always there. Just you and me, somewhere warm…and...”

There’s a pause, a silence broken only by Melshi’s quiet exhale and faint snores from cells further down. 

Your eyes sting, tears spilling down your cheeks. “And?”

“And we’re happy,” he says softly. “We’re so fucking happy.”

—

Group showers provoke warring emotions twice a week without fail. 

On one hand, it’s nice to feel clean after sweating through your shifts. (Do you wish it didn’t require being tightly packed like sardines into a room with a bunch of unknown women and sprayed with frigid cold mist? Of course. But who’s gonna listen to your complaints? Nobody, that’s who.)  

On the other hand, you’re separated from your group, from Melshi. And it’s like there are thorns digging into your backside the entire time, from the second you’re hustled away by a guard all too happy to leer at you while his hand rests pointedly on his zaprod to the moment you’re reunited with Unit Five-Two-D in the work room. Only when you’re back in their sight again—each of your Table Five boys sweeping their eyes over you, looking for signs of harm, a single hair out of place—you feel like you can breathe easily again. 

You were brought here to be a peacekeeper amongst the men—negotiate with them, befriend them, be their punching bag or fucktoy, the method doesn’t matter so long as the conflict is settled—and on other levels you’d be expected to fulfill your duty to the utmost degree, but not here. Not here where Kino’s word is law and the men will suffer worse than a broken hand if they’re inappropriate with you. 

Inmates aren’t supposed to think of themselves as lucky, not on Narkina 5 of all places, but you do.

To the guards, you’re a sacrificial lamb in a den of lions. Rumors say more women leave in body bags than by walking. But they have it all wrong in your case. You aren’t a lamb and the men aren’t lions. 

You are a wolf, and they are your pack.

—

The odds are in Table Five’s favor today, resulting in a first place victory and flavored food waiting for you all in your cells. Between swallows the men banter and roughhouse like rowdy schoolboys, Xaul telling a crude joke about shaved banthas that makes you laugh so hard your ribs ache. Even Kino cracks a smile.

You lean back against Melshi’s chest, head tucked beneath his chin. Lucky, you think again, committing every detail to memory.

And you don’t know it yet—nobody does, not even the guards—but this is the last good day you’ll have at Narkina 5. 

Tomorrow, everything will change.

—

You wake up to shouts ricocheting off the walls, nearly falling off the cot out of alarm if not for Melshi’s fast reflexes. The morning buzzer hasn’t rung yet, floor still electric, but the whole block is an enraged swarm, an overwhelming cacophony of cursing and bellowing. Even more worrying, Kino won’t make eye contact when you look to him for answers.

And then you see it.

Melshi’s number has increased.

There’s a loaded moment where you can’t believe what you’re seeing. You tap at the screen with trembling fingers, thinking it’s a glitch, it has to be, because if it’s not then that means—Oh, Maker, you can’t even finish the thought—but the number doesn’t change, doesn’t flicker. Your insistent taps become slaps, palms aching, and you don’t realize you’ve joined in the shouting until Melshi’s pulling you backwards with an arm around your stomach.

“It’s not just me. Everybody’s tabs have gone up. Even yours, dreamer,” Melshi says hoarsely, holding you up when your knees go numb, sobs wracking your body.

“Why?” you whimper, shaking your head. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Rue. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

Through your tears, Melshi’s eyes hold more worry than you’ve ever seen, and you can’t stand it. You want him to reassure you, to tell you there’s been a mistake and everything will be okay.

He doesn’t. Instead, even worse, his arms tighten around you and he says nothing. 

Not one word.

—

Later, you’ll learn there was an attack on one of the Empire’s garrisons (a suspected rebellion strike, but you, along with at least half of Five-Two-D’s men, are still on the fence whether these so-called rebels even exist or not). 

Later, you’ll learn the Empire invoked the Public Order Resentencing Directive as a result. The reason why everyone’s numbers spiked overnight without warning. The reason why slight mishaps previously disciplined with a verbal dressing down are now punished with a zaprod to the gut, spine, head—wherever the guards think will hurt the longest. 

Later, Melshi will rub your back while you empty your stomach contents into the refresher, the sight of blood gushing from Ham’s busted and charred nose seared into your brain.

There’s tension in the air, every day intensifying a little more, squeezing your neck just a little bit tighter. There are nights where Melshi paces the length of the cell, fists clenched at his sides, and mornings where Ulaf can barely stand from his cot, gritting his teeth against the aches and pains of a weathered body pushed to its limits. 

You were brought here to be a peacekeeper. But there’s nothing you can do to quell this amount of rage. A rage you feel simmering beneath your own skin. 

There is a bomb in the heart of Narkina 5, ignored by the guards who shield themselves behind their electric floors and weapons. But what the fools fail to realize is it’s not a question of if this bomb will go off.

It’s a matter of when.

—

“We’re never getting out of here,” you whisper, pressed against the cot.

“Don’t talk like that. Not you, little dreamer,” Melshi scolds, breathing against your neck, and you fall silent, shuddering with every touch, teeth sinking into the meat of his shoulder to muffle your moans.

In the morning you’ll trace the bite mark with your fingertips, thinking that the thin line between animal and human has never looked blurrier.

—

You first notice Tress’ twitchiness during the third hour of your shift. Eyes just a bit too wide, gnawing at his lip like he’ll receive a reward if it bleeds. Panic attacks happen from time to time, but usually to newbies who haven’t adapted to the routine yet. Not to longtimers like Tress.

He gets worse with each passing hour, dropping his tools, practically vibrating with an abundance of nervous energy. You’re not the only one who’s alarmed by his strange behavior now. Melshi casts subtle glances in Tress’ direction after every finished droid piece, while Kino stares him down like he’s ready to tackle him in the next breath if Tress does something remotely dangerous.

You lose track of him when everyone lines up to return to the sleep block. No matter how much you twist and crane your neck in either direction, you can’t spot a single glimpse of his blonde curls. Melshi squeezes your hand, and to everyone else he appears indifferent, staring straight ahead while waiting for Kino to give the order to keep walking, but you see the pinch between his eyebrows immediately. He’s just as concerned as you are.

Passing him safely in his cell has you breathing a quiet sigh of relief. Still, you can’t quite bring yourself to fully relax, a sense of impending dread lingering in your bones. You don’t say much during dinner, just sit on the floor of your cell next to Melshi, half-listening to his conversation with Taga—something about a new guard on the third level nearly frying a man to death accidentally—and half-keeping an eye on Tress who looks only marginally less weasley-looking than he did earlier. Marginally.

“Sleep, little dreamer,” Melshi tells you later on in the night, pausing your tossing and turning. His eyes are closed when you look at him, but you can tell by his wrinkled brow he’s hanging onto consciousness by a mere thread. You don’t understand how he’s able to sleep. Doesn’t he feel the wrongness? Like the walls are closing in, stealing the room’s oxygen?

Your mouth opens to ask him just that, but the agonized wail that pierces the silence doesn’t belong to you.

And you know, even before you’ve slid off the cot, before you see the body lying motionless on the floor at the end of the hall, that Tress is gone. 

—

The next day, a new inmate named Keef Girgo arrives.

And little do any of you know, he’s going to bring Narkina 5 to its knees.

[salazarslytherin]

sex on fire (s.b x y/n)

summary: an encounter with sirius in the kitchen

🃛 masterlist

cw/tw: smut, pussy slapping, fingering, dumbification, praise kink, like exhibitionism if you squint, age difference (reader is of age!)

word count: 2.14k

a/n: Inspired. SO HEAVILY by @thotbutpurple’s dilf!marauders headcanons, specifically this post for this imagine. also heavily inspired by @acosmis-t's fic peanut. honestly this is just, self-indulgent. might do a dilf!series, I'm not sure reblog to boost please xxx

tag list at the bottom ☯︎ join tag list here

Some people would think that it’s weird to like someone almost twenty years your senior. And if we’re being honest, you thought the same too.

That was until Sirius fucking Black walked into your life.

One of your dad’s best friends from high school, Sirius appeared in your life when you were sixteen, riding back into town on a Bugatti motorcycle and a battered leather jacket. A photographer who’d travelled the world, he came back to your small town to spend time with his younger brother and his old friends from high school.

That spelt weekend barbecues at your house, watching the absolute hunk of a man walk around your house shirtless, or in the thinnest fucking white tank you’ve ever seen in your life. Whether Sirius owned clothes that weren’t band tees, white tanks, and ripped jeans, you didn’t know.

But secretly, you hoped he didn’t.

⚔︎.

Now it’s been three years since Sirius had returned, and yet another one of your dad’s friends’ barbecues was being held at your house. The men were out back barbecuing – they called themselves the Marauders, the name never not making you laugh. Unfortunately, this week you were unable to join them, holed up in your room to study for your finals.

With the weather heating up as it neared the beginning of the summer, you could feel each individual bead of sweat run down your spine. Unable to focus on anything with the immense heat and the overwhelming stress you were feeling, you took out your earphones and got up off your chair, deciding to go downstairs to get something cold to drink.

Opening your bedroom door, you could hear the music playing from the backyard, the booming laughter of the various men standing around the barbecue grill. Walking down the stairs, you recited the formulas you were revising earlier, not at all paying attention to anything around you. Stepping into the kitchen, you kept staring at the flashcards you held, opening the fridge door to grab the carton of juice you knew was in there.

“That focused, are we?”

The deep voice scared you, making the flashcards from your grasp fall all over the tiled flooring. You whipped around to see Sirius leaning against the kitchen sink, smirking as he watched you. You watched him in return, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he downed a gulp from his beer bottle.

Shaking yourself off, you turned back to the fridge and grabbed the carton, before placing it on the counter and closing the door. You bent over to pick up the flashcards that you had dropped earlier, only to hear a splutter of a cough behind you.

You turned around as you placed the cards next to the carton, seeing Sirius cough into his forearm, his abs flexing beneath the thin tank top he wore.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay, Sirius?”

The man waved his hand at you, placing the beer bottle between his lips as his eyes scanned up and down your body, smirking around the bottle.

“S’nothing, Y/N.”

Your eyes followed Sirius’s gaze, looking down to realise just exactly why he had his little impromptu coughing fit. Given the heat, you’d forgotten you were only wearing a thin tank top and booty shorts that day, meaning that when you bent over, you’d given Sirius quite the show. You felt yourself turn red as you realised, spinning around promptly to grab a glass from the upper cabinets.

Unfortunately for you, but quite a fortunate happenstance for Sirius, all the glasses on the bottom shelf had been taken outside for “public consumption”, and only those on the top shelf remained.

Conscious of your every move in front of the hottest man you had ever known in your damned life, you stood up onto your tippy toes, reaching for the glasses on the top shelf. You could feel your shorts riding up as you reached up as high as you possibly could, honestly just contemplating climbing on top of the counters to reach the glasses.

All you wanted was some damned juice.

As you struggled, you heard a chuckle sound behind you, then footsteps. Warmth emanating from behind you, and then a hard body pressed up against you. Your body tensed up as you felt Sirius’s body behind you, swallowing audibly. You saw a hand reach up above yours, the large appendage wrapping around the blue glass before receding as the warmth moved away from you.

“Here you go, pumpkin.”

The nickname made your mouth run dry as you turned around to take the glass from the man, smiling slightly at him. You felt a shiver run down your spine as your fingertips grazed his, having to grip the glass unreasonably tight as you felt your hands weaken at his warmth.

“Thanks.”

Your voice croaked at the word, Sirius’s smirk growing on his face yet again. You took the carton and poured yourself a glass, sipping on it as you leaned against the counter, mirroring Sirius who was back to sipping at his beer bottle.

You could feel your exam stress building up again as your hand reached for the flashcards again, flipping through them as you mouthed the different formulas and definitions written on them.

“Stressed, Y/N?”

You hummed in agreement as you focused on the cards in your hands, the glass having been returned to the counter as you sunk back into revision mode, barely registering the clink of the beer bottle being placed in the kitchen sink as the man made his way towards you.

“Want some help, destressing, hmm?”

You looked up at the man only to find him right in front of you, your body straightening up as you watched his teasing expression, lips curled and eyebrows raised.

You knew Sirius knew the way you felt about him. The way you sucked in a breath the first time you’d seen him, the way you licked your lips subconsciously at the sight of him, the way you thought about him when you touched yourself…

He wasn’t exactly subtle with hiding the innuendos.

You shook yourself free of those thoughts as Sirius watched you, almost as if he knew what you were thinking.

“More juice, maybe?”

The smirk only grew bigger as the man shook the carton slightly, uncapping it and tilting his head backwards, drinking straight from the carton itself. You watched with your mouth hanging open slightly, his Adam’s apple bobbing entrancingly with every gulp.

“Oops, I might've finished it all. Though, I think there’s still a little more in here…”

Sirius watched you almost mockingly, mouth dropping open to show the bare minimum of juice left in his mouth.

The man knew you wanted him, and felt the exact same way towards you. He couldn’t help it.

The moment you stepped into the kitchen, he was a goner. The tank top clinging to your breasts, showing just the right amount of cleavage, the shortest fucking shorts he’d ever seen you in barely covering your ass, the man was holding himself together by a thread at this point.

“Hmm? You want it?”

Sirius’s eyes scanned your every move, eyebrows raising as you pushed off the counter slowly.

“Come get it.”

⚔︎.

You didn’t know who moved towards who in that split second, only that a moment later your world was turned upside down. Sirius’s lips were soft and sweet – the entrancing taste of Sirius overwhelming you, beer and orange juice mixing together in the kiss. As promised, Sirius’s tongue pushed a dribble of juice into your mouth, making you moan into his lips as your arms wrapped around his neck, flashcards scattering across the tiled flooring yet again, his hands coming up to grip your waist. The man’s calloused hands fingered the hem of your top, pushing the edges up, his thumb drawing circles on your hip bone.

You gasped at the feeling of his fingers on your skin, feeling Sirius chuckle against your lips at your surprise. Your own hands moved from his neck to his shoulders, sliding down to his arms. You could feel Sirius’s arms tensing at the feeling, the veins on his muscled forearms like braille under your fingertips.

Grunting into your lips, the man stepped forward, pushing you up against the counter, the edge right against the small of your back.

“Can I?”

Sirius asked breathlessly, lips bright red from what felt like minutes, but also hours, of yours against his. He ghosted the elastic of your shorts, eyes flicking between yours as he awaited your approval or disapproval.

You nodded, unable to speak as you held your breath.

Was this actually happening, or were you having some sort of heat stroke-induced delusion?

“Turn around and bend over for me then, doll.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you nodded again, rendered dumb by your disbelief at the situation. You bent over the counter, leaning on your forearms as you looked over your shoulder, watching Sirius crouched down, hooking his fingers into your shorts, pulling your panties down as well in one move.

The man sucked in a breath at the sight of you bottomless, making your face turn red.

“Such a pretty pussy…”

The blush spread throughout your body as you noticed how close Sirius was to you, his breath ghosting your clit as he did nothing. Simply staring at your cunt. His hands moved up from your ankles, where he’d brought your shorts down to, and spread you open, fingers dipping inside you unintentionally, but it was likely to have been intentional. You squeaked at the feeling, walls clenching around thin air.

This is so fucking embarrassing. But your body seemed to disagree, feeling yourself become wetter at the feeling of Sirius’s eyes on you.

Moving in to take a closer look, the older man sent you one of his signature panty-dropping smiles.

Literally, in this case.

“I’m going to fucking ruin it.”

You threw your head forward as Sirius ran his forefinger up and down your slit, the brief contact with your clit making you let out a loud moan of surprise. Your eyes squeezed shut as you hid your head in your forearms, Sirius’s finger stretching you out as you moaned into your arms.

“Don’t be so loud, doll. Do you want everyone to hear you?”

You shook your head, biting your lip as Sirius moved his finger in and out of you, growing wetter at the thought of anyone catching you here. In the kitchen.

With your dad’s best friend.

All coherent thought was interrupted as Sirius’s other hand landed on your clit, rolling the nub between his thumb and forefinger. The movement made your brain short-circuit, letting out a loud gasping moan as he pushed a second finger inside you as well.

“S-Sirius. Fuck.”

The man tutted from behind you but didn’t even falter in his movements, seemingly spurred by your pleasure to pump his fingers in and out of you even faster. You were so immersed in the pleasure that your eyes shot open in surprise as a sharp slap landed on your clit.

“What the fuck?”

Your head whipped back to look at the older man, who merely lifted a brow at your outburst, his fingers still thrusting into you, the sinful sounds echoing around the kitchen.

“Told you to shut up, doll. Or are you too dumb to understand simple instruction, hmm?”

As he said that, Sirius curled his fingers inside of you, making you choke on your breath as he hit something inside of you.

“S-Sirius. I-”

Another slap landed on your cunt, but the pain mixed in with the insane amounts of pleasure you were feeling, your eyes squeezing shut once more to see nothing but stars in the midst of your pleasure.

“I told you to be silent, didn’t I? How’ve I fucked you dumb already.”

You whined silently, wiggling your hips slightly as your walls clenched around him, feeling your pleasure mount inside you, climbing towards its precipice.

“Your pussy’s so tight around my fingers. You wanna cum, love?”

You bit down on your forearm, moaning out into it as you nodded, your orgasm threatening to erupt on his fingers.

Sirius curled his fingers inside you, the movement pushing you over the edge as you nearly screamed, thanking the heavens that someone, probably Sirius, had come up with the idea of blasting AC/DC in the backyard. Convulsing around the older man’s fingers, your chest fell onto the countertop, your fluids running down your thigh as Sirius pulled his fingers out of you slowly. The feeling of being empty made you whine, hand searching blindly behind you to find Sirius.

“Want more.”

A chuckle sounded behind you, Sirius’s hand finding its way to your hair, threading his long fingers through it.

“You didn’t think I was done, did you, pumpkin?”

taglist: @marvelslut16, @siriusbarnesslut, @marimorena06, @weasleysbitch2, @reg-arcturus-black, @themoonwithprophets, @moonys-gf, @quindolyn, @lilypad-55449, @kermiemoon, @jamespotterslover, @remoony1, @siriusblackwifeeey, @iamnibbsi, @azura-mist, @accio-remus-lupin, @tomriddle_whore, @greenlyblue, @lillsthoughts, @jeannelupinblack, @i-love-scott-mccall, @justadreamyhufflepuff, @shit-thats-true, @dorcasmeadowesx, @sunflowersandpansies, @elenapatricia99, @90sgoldentrio, @itsmentalillness, @sprucewoodlover, @kiaslily

if you're crossed out please check your tagging settings!

[punkpandapatrixk]

This is Part 2 of a series of PACs specifically tailored to the theme of self-transformation. All of my PACs naturally carry this theme, however, the ones belonging to this series are imbued with intentions that are closely intermingled with one another. I think, there will be 5 PACs in total to complete this series.

They're all essentially timeless so it doesn't matter which ones you come across first.

[Back to Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Part 2 explores the wise, but rather unconscious, part of your higher intelligence that is currently guiding you towards making positive changes in your life. This stage of your life can be made easier after acknowledging the inner demons that have been trying to stop you from making manifest your greater potentials.

We are all ever-changing and that's a wonderful thing, but as this world would have it, on the path of transformation many things will try to discourage our necessary changes. There can be unfortunate external circumstances, people turning against us, and in some cases... us stunting our own growth because the new—the unknown—is scary for it is full of uncertainty. However...

If you've been called by this PAC, know for certain that amazing transformations are yours and there's simply no stopping you❤️‍🔥regardless of the imposing challenges.

Honey, times are changing. Of course, you, too, are changing.

Pile 1 - Self-Love

10 of Cups Rx, 8 of Pentacles

Priestess of Illumination & Silver Magus (Merlin)

You are magick. But for some reason, you're not seeing it. Your potentials have haunted you for a long time and caused you to be so hard on yourself. It's because you want to do well, always, that you've grown to become so critical of every effort you make. In a sense, you don't give yourself enough credit for how well you've managed Life itself thus far... especially with so little support from people closest to you who don't—or can't—understand the visions you hold for yourself.

Your Higher Self, along with your team of Guides, is now ushering in a new era for you in which self-care is a priority. This isn't just talking about a DIY spa kind of self-care; this is talking about how you are developing a new perception on who you are as an individual, what you can and have to offer the world, as well as how you can balance between being of service to others and to yourself.

Truly, you've worked so hard for so long you've literally forgotten how to relax. -I'm sensing major Capricorn energy, minor Virgo influences, and some of you may even be going through your Saturn Return.- It's okay; you've not done wrongly. All of those years of blind hard work were also necessary as part of your Soul's expansion and the development of your character as an Earth person. It's all been part of a majorly important lesson and you're about graduating, anyway. Your Higher Self is easing your anxieties, frustrations, and stopping your tears.

You are safe, protected and you've done very well—your Higher Self wants you to acknowledge this of yourself as well. The more at peace you feel with your surrounding the easier it gets from here on. Don't worry, the times have changed. You've changed. Nothing is the same anymore and if not already, things are surely to become gentler and gentler in the coming months. Love yourself, appreciate all you've done thus far and realise how amazingly you've managed so far.

This Astro Guidance may be of some healing:

🍷Confidence Boost

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 - Patience

6 of Pentacles, 7 of Cups Rx

Priestess of Contemplation & Silver Historian (Polydore Vergil)

-The image is so handsome I had a pretty hard time channeling properly I had to scroll away and not look at him🥲-

Slow down and savour the moment. That's what your Higher Self is helping you develop at the moment. For some reason, you've been running high-speed, most probably due to so many options, possibilities, and other things you consider duties. Seems like there's just so much to do but so little time. There isn't even enough time to do all the work, how can there be time for play and relaxation?

Do you know what patience equates to? Trust. Faith.

You actually don't have much faith in either your environment (includes people you work with and the like) nor the Higher Power. Something must've happened in the past that continually eroded your faith in people being kind and patient with you, and at the same time, it's felt like the Universe has abandoned you and never gives you some slack! And so, you began to develop hyper-independence—you can only rely on yourself to do the right thing and you must never allow yourself to slip, lest unfortunate events befall you.

There is much complexity and history as to how this coping mechanism has developed up until now, but now that you've been called to this reading, please know that times have really changed🌸Things are no longer the same—energetically, spiritually, even environmentally—and you've changed, too.

It's time to graduate from the previous habits and develop new ones that better serve you at your current stage of evolution~ You understand this, don't you? Gear change. Hit a brake. What have you. It's time to slow down and rejoice in the fact that you've made it this far. The past—your struggles up until now—doesn't define who you are but you can chose how you want to be from now on.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 - Discipline

King of Wands Rx, King of Swords

Priestess of Intuition & Green Magus (John Dee)

Okay, it's pretty clear: you can tend to have a pretty scattered energy. No, it's not because you're lacking nor incapable as a person, but it is because you're passionate and you are naturally talented at many things. You're likely to have a lot of Water influences in your birth chart that also lend to your heightened levels of intuition. This makes you pick up on subtle energies around you rather easily and you can become confused/disorientated often.

It isn't a bad thing to be so sensitive and creative. But certain things in life do require us to rise into our more intellectual power. After all, the world is so cold and cruel, if you're going to allow only emotions to rule and decide things for you, things can get extremely frustrating just because the world isn't going to always agree with you. Therefor, balance is key.

Due to the nature of your being, balancing emotions and logic may not be as easy as others can accomplish. But that doesn't mean you're lacking; we're all just different beings with different psychological makeup. Still, you can do it if you can learn to temper your emotions. Some of you, your emotions are literally fire, which explains your passions and eagerness to do a lot of different things all at once; some of you, your emotions are raging seas, which may lead to many moments of high followed by days of major burnout.

Most of you attracted to this Pile are artists and creatives and you often channel divine inspiration into your work/art. That's why you have many moments of manic creative high followed closely by debilitating burnout. This isn't good for you in the long run. For you to learn to temper your scattered energy, you must learn disciplined routine. Easier said than done, but not impossible.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Feel free to support me on Patreon if you love this kind of content🍑I create stories and tarot readings that calm the mind & heal from within🍒

[Back to Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

[mumuyah]

The Blunder

Jinyoung takes calculated risks. He ensures that the actions he take would have a desired outcome. One night, he commits a blunder.

reposted from my twt (mumuyah)

jinji au

do not plagiarize

"As Freud has shown, blunders are not the merest chance. They are the result of suppressed desires and conflicts. They are ripples on the surface of life, produced by unsuspected springs. And these may be very deep - as deep as the soul itself. The blunder may amount to the opening of a destiny." - Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces

--------------

He wasn't usually like this. 

No, scratch that. 

He had never been like this. 

He had always been sharp and perceptive, able to manipulate individuals through a single word. He planned ahead; he studied the ticks and flaws of his foes first, always prepared for war. When people realize they were playing in a game, he had already won it. His years had been spent on reflective deliberation for a prosperous future. He will win at life. 

But this? 

This was beyond reason. And he was known to be a very reasonable person. 

This was a blunder. 

Something Park Jinyoung was not prone to do.

—

Fuck, ang sakit ng ulo ko. He didn't want to move. He would rather stay in bed all day and burrow in soft sheets to nurse his bloody headache. A day with nothing to do.

But that wasn't him. He didn’t laze around.

His head was throbbing hard. He couldn't remember what happened yesterday. This hadn't occurred before. He always knows. Anong nangyari kagabi?

Not remembering alarmed him. Complete with flashing red lights with an equally blaring siren ringing in his head. 

His brain took over and suddenly he was wide awake. 

He was in a room. White ceiling and plain walls. An armchair and a table near the window. The curtains were drawn. There was a lamp atop on an end table. His glasses folded neatly on the side. A fairly-furnished room. A bit dull. No personality or whatsoever. 

What am I doing in a hotel? And why am I naked? He spied his white shirt dangling on the armchair. Why he only noticed it now was beyond him. What puzzled him was why it was there and not on him. He never sleeps without his clothes on.

Jinyoung tried to move but he felt restricted; there was a weight on his body. A warm weight. No, a warm body. Lean and soft. A limb, perhaps? A lean, soft limb that was attached to a shoulder, attached to a head. A female head. A pretty, female head. With tangled black hair covering half of her face. Puffs of air making some of the strands float briefly.  

Sino 'to? 

He removed his arm from hers and sat up. Looked at her properly and belatedly noticed she was without clothes too. He glanced away. 

He wanted to panic then and there. But he remembered who he was. 

What the fuck happened last night?

He recalled the boys and the drinks, of course. They had gone out to play? No, to celebrate Jaebeom's successful business project. They were at a bar and they had too many drinks. Well, they had too many drinks. He never drank alcohol beyond his limit. At least he didn't until yesterday.

He peered at the stranger suspiciously. Her face did not elicit any memories from him at all.

He narrowed his eyes. Contemplated. Made a decision. 

He grabbed his shirt first. Then his boxers on the floor. Pants lain strewn by the bed. Socks inserted in his black oxfords. His blazer was in a sorry state near the door. 

Jinyoung was tucking his shirt neatly in his pants when she woke up. He froze in his spot. 

She sighed first, took several breaths before opening her eyes, still heavy with sleep. Blinked once, twice, thrice before it focused on him. He held his breath. A small smile graced her lips. And then, a raspy "good morning" escaped.

—Which snapped Jinyoung out of his suspended state. He inserted the hem of his shirt haphazardly now, then hoisted the zipper up of his pants before inserting his bare feet in his dress shoes. 

"Aalis ka na?" 

Obviously, he wanted to snap but he answered by balling his socks in his pants' pocket and fishing his phone out of his jacket. He didn't even look back when he closed the door on his way out.

—

On his way down in the elevator, he checked his phone. He had several missed calls and messages but he checked his email first out of habit. He sorted and flagged them by importance. He opened his text messages and was about to read Jackson's when Jaebeom's number flashed on the phone's screen.

He swiped.

"Fucking finally. It's about time you answered your goddamn phone!"

"And good morning to you, too."

"Tangina mo, we were worried about you. You disappeared on us!"

"Oh, did I?" Had he? Jinyoung looked at his reflection on the elevator's mirror. Mussed hair, rumpled shirt and wrinkled pants. Bloodshot eyes. A fucking wreck. 

"Yeah. Gago, na saan ka ba?"

"On my way home. I'll be at the office by 11."

"And the girl?"

He decided to ignore Jaebeom's question. "Make sure the team is prepped for today's meeting. Let's relay the good message."

He ended the call and leaned back. Tried to push the head-splitting headache with a massage on his temples. Hung over. He had never been hung over. 

First time for everything. 

—

He pieced yesterday's events from the snippets of messages sent by the boys. They had been at a snazzy bar when two girls approached their area. They'd flirted their way for free booze, stayed long enough to get high on alcohol and long enough for him to black out. But nothing about the girl. 

He didn't like not knowing. 

—

When he arrived in the office and relayed the "good message", Jaebeom cornered him in his office room.

"Where'd you go last night? 

"Nowhere."

"Nowhere pero wala ka sa bahay? I called your apartment and the security said hindi ka daw umuwi."

He ignored him. He hadn't even had coffee yet.

"Were you with the girl?" Jaebeom asked.

"What girl?"

"Yung girl na kasama natin kahapon malamang." Answered Jaebeom. 

"I don't remember any girl."

"Are you sure? E nawala rin siya nung na wala ka."

"I don't know where she went." A don't remember and a don't know in a minute. What a record-breaking day it is. Ilang beses na ba niyang na gamit at na isip iyon?

"But where did you really go? Nataranta na lahat noong napansin na nawala ka bigla. Si Yugyeom halos tumawag na ng pulis para magfile ng missing person report. Saan ka nga nagpunta?"

"Do I really have to answer this? Isn't this a moot point when I'm already here?"

Jaebeom stepped up. "It matters because you had us worried. Ano ba namang alam namin? Baka na aksidente ka na or what."

Will he leave him be if he tells the truth? "Fine. You want to know where I was? I was in a hotel, drunk as fuck. I wanted to sleep so I fucking slept there."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin?"

"Whatever the fuck for? I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want. Kailangan ko pa bang ipaalam lahat ng gagawin ko?"

"That's not the point--"

"Then what is?" He challenged. He and Jaebeom had never butted heads before. They always saw each other eye to eye. Jaebeom didn't usually question him. Jinyoung had never given him the chance.

Jaebeom sighed. "Just tell us next time, will you? Hindi nang nagmumukha kaming tanga kakahanap sa'yo."

Whatever. "Fine. Pwede na ba akong magtrabaho?" He gestured to the door. 

Jaebeom left grumbling. The door closed but not before he heard, "So na saan na yung babae?"

—

The girl in question took him by surprise four months later when she approached him during his dinner.

In those last four months, he had had flashes of their encounter. Pliant lips against his own, fingers trailing her collarbone, nails digging in his back, a quiet muffled groan on his neck. Sweat and body liquid mixing. A satisfying release. No face, no words, just the still of the night and the pleasure of a company.

But he recognized her face from that morning. Black hair, heavy lidded eyes and lips that go well with a pretty head.

He didn't remember that slight bulge in her stomach though.

She sat across him in an area secluded inside a restaurant, seemingly nervous and scared. Jinyoung knew where this was going.

"How did you find me?" 

She started, frowned and twiddled with her thumbs. A tick. "I… didn't. Not this time anyway. I saw you in the news last week. I tried to look for you on Facebook after… after that morning pero hindi kita na hanap." 

As if he would waste his time on social media. 

"How did you know what name to search for?"

"Narining ko lang sa kaibigan mo that night. Junyoung? Jinyoung? I tried with those. I googled you but wala ring lumabas."

"Did you know who I was that night?"

"No, I… no. Sabi ni Joy—"

"So your friend knew but you didn't? Parang imposible naman 'yun."

"Um, no. Hindi niya rin alam. At least, not in the begi--"

Not in the beginning? So kailan pa? Noong na kama na niya kaibigan niya? "So, what do you want from me?"

"What?"

"By now, you already know who I am. You saw me in the news after all. I'm assuming you want something from me?"

"No, I… I don't know." She lowered her head. "That's not it."

Jinyoung leaned in. Mockingly, "You don't know? Not my name? My power? My money? Hindi ba yun yung pinunta mo dito?"

"No!"

He smirked. He knew he had her by the neck. "No? Are you sure?" Caught her eyes. "Are you sure that's even mine?"

"She's yours!" She said loudly and clearly. Surprised him a bit. A bit of her boldness shining through. But it dialed down, like her voice, down to a whisper. "I've never… You were my first. Walang iba."

Jinyoung scoffed. Unbelievable. "My friend says otherwise. He told me you came unto me. Multiple times. Mukhang sanay na sanay ka."

"That's not true! It was the other way around. You came unto me."

Napatawa siya ng malakas. "Me? Why would I want to waste my time on you?" He saw the hurt appear on her face. He pressed on. "You're no one."

Her lips quivered. Tears building in her eyes. She swiped them away before they fell. Unexpected. He had predicted water works as part of her plan. She had been using her fragility since the beginning of their talk after all. All the stuttering, avoiding his eyes, hunching over herself as if it would make her smaller. The tears should have been her first move.

"For your information, gusto ko lang na—"

"JISOO!"

Sabay silang napatingin sa may pintuan. An angry woman approaching them. 

"A-ate!" Jisoo stood and placed herself in between him and the newcomer.

"I told you not to go to him. Walang magandang maidudulot 'yan! He left after he had his way on you. Tapos hahabulin mo? Tanga ka ba?!"

The Ate turned to him. "And you! Wala kang kwentang tao. I hope you rot in hell!"

The people who had been ogling at them since earlier had the decency to look away when he threw them a glare. He sighed.

"Fuck," slipped from his mouth. 

"Yeah, fuck." The echo shocked him. He turned around and saw Jackson. "What the fuck was that?"

Putangina. He can't catch a break.

—

It was not supposed to be like this. 

Usually, it was Bambam on the hot seat and not him. He interrogated, found answers, if not demanded them. Not the other way around. 

"Why did you lie to us?" Jaebeom started. 

"It's none of your business." Sagot ni Jinyoung.

"Sagot, tangina!" Pasigaw ni Jaebeom.

"Uy pre, calm down nga."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi na kasama mo yung babae? Hindi mo ba alam na halos mahimatay yung kasama niya kakahanap sa kaibigan niya?"

"Do you think we'd think lowly of you if you told us you had a one night stand?" Apila ni Jack.

Gustong tumawa ni Jinyoung. He opted for rolling his eyes instead. "Oh, please. You guys have done much worse."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means you fuck around too much and too often. I did it once tapos ganito yung i-aasta niyo sa akin? Nakarinig ba kayo sa'kin? Give me a fucking break."

"We fuck but we also don't lead them hanging nor do we impregnate them, Jinyoung." Seryosong sinabi ni Jackson. 

"Wow, tangina, ang romantic." 

Jaebeom approached Jinyoung. "Quit the sarcasm, Nyoung. No one is saying we have the higher moral ground than you. Gago at tarantado rin kami pero papanugatan namin yun." 

"It was a mistake." 

"A mistake? You don't make mistakes."

Jinyoung snorted. "Yeah, unlike you."

Jaebeom threw a punch in Jinyoung's direction, landing one in his right cheek. He retaliated by planting one in his brother's opposite cheek. Jackson eventually pulled them apart but Jaebeom wasn't done yet.

"You were a mistake but my mom gave you a chance and treated you like her own child. Don't throw your family away. Don't make the same fucking mistake like yours did!"

—

Later, Jaebeom took his seat beside him, pulling out a cig and lighting it up. They were silent, as they always were, even in their younger years. They could always understand each other without using words. Well, they used too.

It was Jaebeom who spoke first. "When we were kids, you used to tell me everything. Yung mga hopes and dreams mo, mga takot mo… lahat nang pumapasok sa isip mo. Ngayon, parang binabaliwala mo na lang ako. May problema ba tayo?"

"No. Wala."

"You know I'm still your brother. You can tell me anything. The things I said earlier…"

"Well, it's the truth, right? I was a mistake. Na iniwan lang ako sa tapat ng bahay niyo parang isang kuting."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Honestly, it's fine. I've been hearing it all my life. Maybe not from you or our family but people talk about it all the time. I'm used to it." Jinyoung shrugged.

"I regret saying that you were a mistake, Nyoung, because you're not. I'm sorry. You know we love you, right? Ma, dad, me and Yeri. You're our family."

"I know."

An uncomfortable silence settled.

Jaebeom eventually broke it. "So, what're you going to do about the baby?" 

"I… Don't know."

"Ikaw? Hindi mo alam? Christmas na ba para magka-milagro?" Napatawa lang si Jaebeom. 

"First time for everything." Tumingin si Jinyoung sa kapatid niya. It was unusual for him to seek advice, as it is his role, but with this… he wasn't sure. He hadn't been since that night. "What do you think I should do?"

"Sa totoo lang? I think you should give yourself a chance to get to know them. Malay mo, baka mahalin mo rin sila."

—

When Jaebeom left, he picked up his phone, pressed 1 and waited for his call to be answered. It didn't take long. 

"Hi, ma."

"Hi, honey. Napatawag ka? I miss you na. You never go here anymore."

"Sorry, ma. Busy lang sa work. I'll drop by soon, I promise. How are you?"

"Hay, eto. Trying to convince your dad not to go to Hawaii so soon after the surgery. He wants to relax daw but you know how he is during flights, baka magkaheart attack lang mid-flight. Can you remind him that his doctor ordered him to rest? I'd ask JB, but alam mo naman. Dad only listens to you."

"Yes, ma."

"Pag sabihan mo rin si Yeri. She maxed out her card again. I told JB to cut her off, but hindi kaya nun. He's her favorite."

"Ok, ma." 

"How about you, hijo? How's my baby boy?"

"Ma naman. I'm not a baby anymore. Ang tagal na." His mother laughed, which made him smile. "I'm ok. Just… I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?"

This had always plagued Jinyoung, growing up. When he realized he was different from the other kids. He had never found the courage to ask, afraid to find the answer. Or the truth that he was just a tool to be used. A charity case. 

"Why did you take me in?" 

"What's wrong, anak?"

"I just wanted to know. Why you've chosen to raise and love me. You didn't even know who I was. I was a dirty kid in rags."

"What're you saying? You were five. How can we abandon you like that?"

"You could've taken me to the police or social services."

"We could have but we didn't. You didn't want to leave us. Don't you remember? Iyak ka ng iyak when we told you someone would take you away to find your parents. You also ran and hid with JB because you didn't want to be apart from each other. Sabi pa nga niya sasama na lang daw siya sa'yo. Hahaha!" Napatigil saglit ang mom niya. "And how could we let go of you as well? You made dad laugh and made JB feel less lonely. You made me cry 'cause you said you'd take care of baby Yeri so I can get some rest. You made us love you so much we couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

Jinyoung tried to hold a sob back. "Why didn't you adopt me, then? Bakit Park pa rin ako?"

He could hear his mom break apart on the other line too. "You didn't ask, anak. We wanted to give you the choice to accept us as your family, not because we dressed you and fed you, but because you love us too. We wanted for you to be an Im too."

He was openly crying now. "Is it too late?" 

She was, too. "It's never too late, my love."

"Thank you, ma. I love you."

"I love you, my son."

—

He was trying.

He tried to look for her first. He didn't know much about her so he started with her name. Jisoo. Jisoo with an older sister and a friend named Joy. On his own, he looked for Jisoo on Facebook but the search results produced so many Jisoos that he didn't find the one. Eventually, he gave up and called someone to investigate and they found her in a day. 

Bae Jisoo was 26, unmarried, an undergraduate, lived with 30-year old sister, Bae Irene, 5 months pregnant. Worked in a bakery. Parents died when she was 12. Both sisters were raised separately by relatives but eventually lived together when she turned 15. 

Her information brewed into his head for a whole month before he decided to take action. 

He visited her workplace. A tiny bake shop. She was by the counter, reading a book while absentmindedly rubbing her protruding stomach. The bell chimed when he entered, with Jaebeom in tow, and she looked up with a bright greeting before it slowly faded into nothing. 

He stared at her. Still the same heavy-lidded eyes but darker circles underneath. Complexion pale but not sickly. Hair tied loosely behind. 

"Hi."

"Hello."

"Can we talk?"

"Ngayon na?" She looked around, worried. There was no one else except for the three of them. "I'm working."

"I can wait."

So he waited and considered his next move. He didn't wait for long, however. A girl barged in the bake shop. 

"Jisoo, wala na yung gusto mong juice. Iba na lang pinili--oh. Sorry. Customers?"

"Seul, it's okay. Thank you. Um, pwede ba akong magbreak sandali? Ok lang ba na dito ka muna?"

Seul looked at them skeptically. "Ok lang naman pero sino sila? Na saan si kuya?"

"Pumunta lang ng bangko. Pabalik na rin siguro. Mamaya ko na lang ki-kwento. Please." 

"Ok."

"Sa labas lang kami. Thank you." 

She went ahead. Jaebeom tried to follow but Jinyoung shook his head. They needed to sort this on their own. 

"If you need me…"  

"Thanks JB."

Pag labas niya, nakita niyang nakasandal si Jisoo sa pader. Madali niyang linapitan. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I just need to sit down. I can't stand or walk for too long. Sumasakit likod ko." 

"Ok, we can sit over there." He nodded to a bench nearby. She waddled over to it and sat carefully. 

"How are you?" 

"I'm fine. You?"

"Fine."

He had a whole script memorized in his head about how the situation would go but silence ensued instead. Tried to recall the words but failed. 

Jisoo began instead. "Last time… I'm sorry about my Ate. Hindi ko natapos yung gusto kong ipa-hatid." She took a deep breath. "I really didn't know who you were then. Joy and I were just playing a stupid game. Malas lang na kayo yung naging ta

rget. Hindi ko naman talaga ginagawa yun pero… ewan ko ba. There was just something different about you. The things you said… I just wanted to comfort you. And it led to something else. It was a mistake."

She was twiddling with her thumbs again. A nervous tick then. "But it was a mistake that led to a beautiful blessing. And I… I just wanted you to know that." She looked at him. "I didn't want anything from you. I still don't." 

"Is it really mine?"

"Yes. Just you. No one else."

"Did I… do anything bad to you? That night?"

"If you're asking… no. Wala kang ginawang masama. We were both under the influence but you had my consent." 

"Ok." With his elbows on his knees, he looked at her. "Can you tell me what happened that night?"

"Alin? Kung paano natin ginawa yung baby?" She teased, which made him smile a bit. "I told you, didn't I? You came unto me."

"I'd never do it haphazardly, especially without not knowing who I was with first. I'm not the type of person."

"So you said then."

"What else did I say?"

"Marami. Sobrang dami."

"I'm not usually like that."

"Yes, I gathered. Have you heard of the expression, 'alcohol makes for loose lips and loose lips--"

"--sinks ships. Yes." What kind of incriminating thing did he say? Now he was getting anxious. "Can you answer my question now?"

"Okay. Sorry. Before Joy and I joined, you were already drinking heavily. Do you remember why? No? I didn't know either. You didn't tell me. Umalis ako para mag-CR tapos nagulat ako kasi sinundan mo ako. You told me that you felt out of place with your friends and that I also looked like I didn't belong there either." Jisoo bit her lips, shyly. "And that maybe we could belong together."

"Seryoso ka ba?"

"Ikaw yung nagtatanong tapos ayaw mong maniwala?" Jisoo rolled her eyes. "Pero, joke lang. Haha!"

"God, be serious."

"Fine! Killjoy nito. You then proceeded to tell me you were lonely and you wanted to be with someone who would understand. And then you kissed me."

"That's it? I didn't say anything else?" 

"Like what?"

"Something stupid? Embarrassing stuff? Things that will get me in trouble?"

"You said some embarrassing stuff…" She glanced at him and then away. Before coming back up. "But I'd rather not say it in public."

He cleared his throat. "Right."

"Pero… bakit nandito ka ngayon? Last time parang ayaw mong makipagusap." 

"Last time… I was a jerk. I'm sorry." He gestured towards her. "And I feel responsible for… this." 

Nanahimik lang si Jisoo. 

"I want to support you and the baby financially. I can give you provisions, anything you want. Kahit ako na ang sumagot ng lahat."

She frowned and was about to respond when someone called her name. She spotted Seungyoon advancing towards her.

"Jisoo."

"Kuya Yoon. Tapos ka na sa business mo sa bangko?"

"Oo. Ok ka lang? Sino siya?" Seungyoon nodded towards Jinyoung, eyeing him warily.

"Uh, siya yung--"

"I'm Park Jinyoung." He extended his hand for a shake. "And you are..?"

Tinignan ni Seungyoon yung kamay ni Jinyoung bago nakipagkamay. "Kang Seungyoon, pare."

"Siya yung owner ng bake shop." Jisoo supplied.

"Right."

"Nagtext si Irene. I-uwi na daw kita."

Sumimangot si Jisoo. "OA talaga nun ni ate. Wala pang 5. Undertime nanaman ba ako?"

"Alam mo naman yun." Seungyoon helped her stand up. He didn't let her hand go, Jinyoung couldn't help but notice.

"Um, bye." Jisoo waved her goodbye but Jinyoung wasn't finished yet. He fished his wallet and produced a small business card.

"You can think about it first. Once you make up your mind, you can call or message me." He handed it to her. 

She accepted it. "Ok. I will."

He watched her walk away. He pulled his phone out and called Jaebeom. "Let's go."

—

He didn't hear from her until two weeks later. In those weeks, he thought long and hard on how to break the news to his family and friends. There were many hindrances that seemed to follow him, his lack of time and words that won't come easily to him. One thing's for sure was that he had to hear her answer first before he made a move. 

Jinyoung was planning on visiting her again by the end of the week but he received a call from her right then. 

"J-Jinyoung?" But she sounded off.

"Bae Jisoo? What's wrong?"

"Ang ugh sakit. Tulungan mo ako." She whined at the other end.

Abruptly, he stood up and went to fetch his coat on the rack, all while speaking to her on the phone. "Where are you? Fuck, manganganak ka na ba?"

She groaned. "I don't know. Ayoko manganak sa CR ng company building niyo. Help me, please."

He stopped before he could open the door. "What? Anong ginagawa mo dyan? Which floor?"

"I w-wanted to--ow--talk to you. Bilisan mo. Nasa first floor ako, last cubicle."

"Fuck, ok. Wait, I'll send someone over. Hang in there. I'll call you in a minute. Don't give birth there."

She was crying now. "Ok."

Jinyoung rang Jaebeom. "Hey, can you go or send someone in the women's bathroom on the ground floor? Last cubicle."

"What?"

"Jisoo's there. Manganganak na ata. I can't go there. Baka magka-skandalo pa." 

"Seryoso ka ba? Tangina, wait. I'll send Yeri over. Nandito siya sa office ko ngayon."

"Not Yeri, God. Blabber mouth yan, hindi ko pa nasasabi kayla Dad." Jinyoung was pacing in his office, biting his thumb.

"Puta, eh sino? Ako? Eh di ako naman ang nalagot. Yeri's fine. Bribe ko. Pababain ko na lang. Tangina, manganganak na? Why is she here if she's about to give birth?"

"I don't know. Bye." A second later, he rang Jisoo. "Hey, my sister will come over there to pick you up. How are you?"

"Ang sakit-sakit. Punta ka na, please. Dalhin mo ako sa hospital." 

"Susunod ako. My youngest sister will bring you there." She was crying on the other side and trying to hide her hiccups. "Bakit ngayon pa?"

"I'm s-sorry. I didn't plan it."

"Nobody did." He replied, which felt like the wrong thing to say at the moment, but he couldn't help it. Everything was going shitty so fast. He hadn't even had time to thoroughly think about his proposal about supporting them. 

Just then, he could hear Yeri's voice echoing in the receiver, calling out a hello, Jisoo? Kuya said to look for you. Helloooo? 

"That's her. Sumama ka sa kanya and let her know which hospital you want to go. Susunod ako after."

"Ok."

He hung up when he noticed Jaebeom entering his office. He returned to his seat, massaging his temples. 

"Now what?"

"Yeri's bringing her to the hospital. Of all people pa. Why was she even here?"

"Just wanted to complain about something. I told her to be discreet, don't worry. No funny business." Jaebeom looked at him strangely. "Bakit nandito ka pa? Hindi ka ba susunod?"

"Mamaya na." At his brother's raised brow, Jinyoung shook his head. "It's 3 in the afternoon, JB. I have work to do."

"And your baby momma's about to give birth. So ano na, Nyoung?"

"You know I can't just… I have a lot on my plate."

Jaebeom sighed heavily. "Tangina. Fine. I'll do you a favor just this once. Sasamahan ko ngayon pero next time, please. Ikaw na ang umasikaso. This is your child for God's sake." He was about to leave when he turned around. "Jinyoung, I know work is important to you as well but you have other priorities now. Pag tumawag si Yeri, and you know she will, sagutin mo. Tell her the truth."

"I will."

—

"Hello, Yeri." 

"Kuya, oh my God?! You have a baby?! And a wife?!"

"Hello, Ye. And no. Not my wife nor my girlfriend. It's complicated. But yes, my baby, I think."

"Since when? When did you plan to tell me?"

"I was going to tell you soon. Kaso… well, nabuko na. Just don't tell mom and dad first, okay?"

"Kuya JB said din. I won't tell them, I promise. Pero kuya, you should've been here. She was so scared! I was so scared! I couldn't understand what the doctor was saying."

"I'm sorry."

"She kept asking for you. Where are you daw or like, are you on your way? She was so kawawa, kuya."

"I'll be there in an hour. Just tying up some loose ends here."

"Ok. She's sleeping right now so I shouldn't be noisy. You have to tell me the whole story, later. Kuya JB and I will go home soon. So hurry up, ok?"

"I will. Thanks, Ye. Ingat sa pag uwi."

—

He had planned on making the trip brief as much as possible. Jinyoung was hoping she'd still be asleep by the time he got there but as such, she was awake and spacing out.

He approached her quietly, as to not startle her. "Hey. How are you?"

"Hey." She smiled weakly. He stood at her side, awkwardly. "I'm okay. False alarm."

"What did the doctor say? Why were you in pain?"

"Oh, uh, fake contractions lang. Braxton-Hicks yung tawag. It will happen from time to time daw. But it shouldn't be that serious or painful. Medyo mababa lang talaga pain tolerance ko."

"Okay."

Jisoo tried to sit up but had difficulty in doing so. Jinyoung had to support her back and shoulders to be fully seated upright. When she was settled, she had her hands around her round belly but she wasn't looking at him anymore. "Bakit ngayon ka lang? Kanina ko pang gustong umuwi."

"Aren't you staying in the hospital?"

"No, I can't afford it plus wala akong guardian."

"Ako na ang bahala sa payment. And what do you mean wala kang guardian? Didn't you tell your ate where you are?" He crossed his arms.

"No."

"And why not? Won't she wonder kung na saan ka ngayon?"

"Magagalit lang yun pag nalaman niyang… I'll tell her I'll be at a friend's house until tomorrow morning. Tsaka, hindi pa tayo naguusap." She glanced at him. "Pwede kang umupo."

So Jinyoung sat on the lone chair by her bed. He was still in his suit jacket and slacks. Not the most comfortable outfit to wear in the hospital to be honest. He removed his blazer and laid it by her feet. 

"I want to accept your help. Whatever you're willing to give." Jisoo started. "But let me be clear: I'm not after your money. I want you to be a part of her life. Ayoko siyang lumaki na hindi niya kilala ang ama niya o isipin niyang wala siyang tatay. Mahirap kapag walang magulang, Jinyoung. I don't want her to experience it. That's the only trade off. Is that ok?"

"I also have to tell my family about it eventually. They would want to be a part of the baby's life too."

"That's fine by me. Just… you need to be there with her too. Not just me."

"We'll sort out the details later." He should leave now. It was late and she should be getting more rest. But Jinyoung noticed her wincing and hunching over her stomach before he could grab his suit jacket and prepare to leave. He leaned over the railings. "Are you ok? Is it the fake contraction again? Should I call the doctor?"

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Ok lang ako. That's not it. She's just moving around. Medyo makulit siya. Here, you can feel her too." She pulled his hand to her stomach. 

Jinyoung felt a thump against his palm and then a wallop. "Weird."

Jisoo chuckled. "Super weird. Makulit like me, I guess."

When the baby stopped moving, he withdrew his hand and hid it in his trouser's pocket, stretching his fingers. It was a strange sensation, touching her bump, like a balloon filled with water inside being swung to him that won't break.

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Wala ka bang ibang matatawagan para masamahan ka? Yung Seul or Seungyoon dun sa shop?"

"Pag tinawagan ko sila, malalaman ni ate kung na saan at kung bakit ako nandito."

"How about Joy? From the bar?"

"Hindi kami naguusap ngayon. Well… not exactly. Pinagbawalan akong kausapin si Joy ng ate ko."

"Is your sister's word the law? Are you a kid para pag bawalan ka pa? Bakit parang takot na takot ka sa kanya?"

"It's not like that. Ate Irene is very kind and loving. Halos siya ang nagpalaki sa akin nung namatay parents namin. She went through so much para i-try kaming buhayin. Ayoko lang siya ma-disappoint ulit."

Malalim huminga si Jinyoung. Napagisip. Pero hindi na lang sinabi ang napag-tanto niya. Besides, if he was to spend the night at the hospital, he wouldn't want to upset yung kasama niya. Magiging awkward lang ulit sila. Hinablot na lang niya yung jacket niya para ilagay sa likod ng upuan. Mahirap na baka magusot pa lalo.

"Aalis ka na?" Tanong ni Jisoo, tulad ng tanong niya ng umagang yun, 6 months ago. Tinignan lang siya nito, na parang hinahanda niya ang sarili niya sa sagot na maririnig. Naitatakuwil siya. 

Hindi na siya nagpaliwanag at tinulungan na lang ulit ihiga si Jisoo, habang pinagmamasdan ito hanggang sa pag tulog.

Jinyoung was never a light sleeper, so as soon as he heard someone talking and felt someone touching his hair, he woke up. It was Jisoo, of course he knew that. Normally, he would shrug anyone off who would dare touch him but he was mildly curious. He kept still and just listened.

"Sana kamukha mo dada mo. Sana lahat ng maganda, mamana mo sa kanya. Gwapo dada mo, baby. Makapal din buhok. Hindi katulad ni mommy na ang nipis. Pero sana hindi mo mamana yung ugali niya, wala atang sense of humor yun. Simangot lang alam. Hahaha! Shh, secret lang natin yun baby. Baka simangutan ulit ako."

Oh? Walang sense of humor? Simangot lang ang alam? We'll see about that.

Slowly, Jinyoung raised his head and turned to look at her, keeping a steady eye contact before giving her a small smile. "Good morning."

This seemed to startle Jisoo, who blinked once, twice, thrice, before snatching her hand away from his hair. His smile grew wider. 

"Hi. Narinig mo yun?"

"Ang alin?" He feigned, which made her relax a bit, but not for too long. "Yung part na wala akong sense of humor, simangot lang ang alam o yung gwapo ako?"

She flushed red at that and was so flustered she hid her face in her hands. He chuckled. 

"Good morning, Ate Jisoo, I---oh kuya! You're here!" Yeri greeted. She turned around and talked to the person behind her. It was Jaebeom. "Kuya, he's here. I told you he'll visit her."

"Yeri, what are you doing here?" Napatayo bigla si Jinyoung.

"We brought breakfast for Ate Jisoo!" She emphasized with the paper bag in her hand. "Kuya JB said she might be hungry eh."

"She wouldn't call anybody when we left her after dinner. Hindi rin ako sure kung pupunta ka ba...  Baka di pa siya kumakain." Jaebeom looked at him, up and down. "Did you stay the night?"

"Yeah." He said while trying to get rid of the crick in his head. His shoulders were also stiff from his sleeping position last night. He didn't look at Jaebeom. He might say something he wouldn't want to hear so early in the morning.

"Ate Jisoo, you're so red! Are you okay? Do you have lagnat?" Yeri came to her side and checked her temperature. "Hmm."

"Ay, um, I'm ok. Thank you. Anong food na dinala niyo? Ang bango."

"Oh, these are just veggies, eggs, beef and rice. Our nanay made it so masarap."

"Tapsilog, yun lang yun." Pasabi ni Jaebeom, habang linalabas yung tupperware na may kanin, itlog at tapa. Meron ding longganisa at bangus. Salad. "I didn't know what you liked so nagdala ako ng extra."

"Wow. Salamat, ha." Nginitian niya si Yeri with a lot of affection. "Sana kasing cute and sweet mo yung baby." Sabay tingin kay Jinyoung. "Kain na tayo?"

"I'm just going to buy coffee. You want anything?"

"I can't have caffeine. Water na lang, please."

"Right, okay." 

"Sabay na ako." Inakayan bigla ni Jaebeom si Jinyoung bago pa ito magprotesta. Bata pa sila nung huli niyang ginawa to. When they spotted the vending machine, he removed his arm around Jinyoung. He crossed his arms and leaned next to the vending machine. "Since when did you start liking cheap coffee?" 

Hindi niya sinagot. Hinintay niyang magawa ang kape niya. 

"You slept here?"

"Hadn't I answered that already?" 

Napatawa lang si Jaebeom. "I'm glad you chose to follow my advice. Have you guys talked about the situation? Ano na ang gagawin niyo?"

"We talked. Pumayag siya na tumulong ako." 

"I'm guessing there's a catch?"

"Yeah. She said she wants me to be a part of the baby's life." He took a sip of the coffee. Awful. "Whatever that means."

"Right. So ano na ang sasabihin mo kayla mom and dad?"

"I don't know. I just have to do it before akong maunahan ni Yeri. Alam mo naman yun." He reached for the vending machine again to get Jisoo her water. "I'll find time to do it soon. Oh, saan ka pupunta?"

"Sa office. Thursday pa lang. I have work to do." At Jinyoung's panic expression, Jaebeom laughed. Siya pa ang nakalimot na weekday pa rin? How unlike him. "You can afford to be late or take a day off, Nyoung. Tatakbo pa rin ang kumpanya without its VP rep. Hatid mo na lang si Yeri pati yung baby momma mo pauwi. Later!" He waved his goodbye and walked away. 

Jinyoung hurried over to Jisoo's room. How could he forget that it was only Thursday? He had things to finish at the office as soon as possible. Jisoo was still eating when he arrived while chatting with Yeri happily. He grabbed the jacket and slung his arms in it. 

"Kuya, aalis ka na?"

"Aalis na tayo. I'm going to settle the bill and get the car going. Do you have a class today? Do you have work?"

Yeri nodded while Jisoo shook her head. "Ok, text me when you guys are done." 

—

Jinyoung dropped Yeri at school first. It was past 10 in the morning already. He should've been in the office an hour ago. He was debating whether to go home or just shower in the office when Jisoo told him to stop in front of a run down building. Her apartment building. They've arrived. 

She was unclasping her belt and thanking him when she muttered a "shit" under her breath. Her eyes focused behind him. Napatingin siya at napamura rin ng "shit."

Yung Ate.

Yung Ate na nakatitig ng masama sa kotse niya. Malakas ang loob ni Jinyoung na alam niyang nandoon si Jisoo. 

"I'll talk to her."

"Um, is that a good idea? Ako na lang ang bababa at kakausap kay ate." 

"No, we should settle this as soon as possible." Technically, he didn't have the time to do this but he didn't want to delay it further. He undid his belt and didn't wait for her to get out of the car. In hindsight, he should've known that it was a bad idea. The last time he saw the Ate, he was told to go to hell. Maybe he should've listened to Jisoo after all, because as soon as he was seen by the ate, she charged at him with so much ferocity that even with her petite appearance, she looked menacing. 

.

"Why the fuck are you here?" She glowered at him. "And where the fuck is my sister?"

"Ate, please. Wag kang sumigaw." Jisoo was already at her sister's side. She was quick despite her state. 

"And you! Staying at a friend's house? I went to the Kang's place pero wala ka doon. Nakuha mo pang magsinungaling? Eh kasama mo lang pala 'tong gagong 'to!"

"Nagusap lang kami. For the baby. Ate Irene, please sa loob na lang natin pag usapan." Himawakan niya ang braso ng Ate niya. 

"Para saan pa? Magsisinungaling ka lang rin naman sa harap ko. Be honest, Jisoo. Ano bang habol mo dito? His money? His name?"

"It's not like that. Can you calm down and listen first?" Jinyoung interjected.

"You fucking stay out of this. We wouldn't be in this shit if it wasn't for you!"

She was getting on his nerves. Fuck. He was trying to offer his assistance tapos ganito lang yung ibabalik sa kanya? "How can I help if you wouldn't listen? This isn't even for you but for the baby."

"Oh, now he cares. Ang galing mo rin eh." Irene crossed her arms and gave him a sneer. "Nasaan ka the last 6 months habang umiiyak at nagsusuka yung kapatid ko dahil delicate ang pregnancy niya? Where were you when you left her in a fucking hotel room, scared to shit because she was in pain? It wasn't you who helped her get back to her feet. It was you who left her in pieces." 

"Is that important now? I'm here, aren't I? I'm taking responsibility."

"Good for you. But it's too late for that." She grabbed Jisoo's arm and started pulling her away from Jinyoung. But Jisoo stood her ground and shrugged her sister off. 

"Ate, please. Makinig ka muna. He'll do good. He's making up to us." 

"Is this your decision?" Irene gave Jisoo a leveled look. "Are you choosing him over me?"

"Ate, no! Hindi sa ganun pero--"

"Fine. Simula ngayon, wala na akong kapatid. Wag ka nang babalik dito. Hindi na kita kailangan."

"Ate?" Jisoo blinked. Jinyoung, too, was confused.

"I'll leave your things at Seungyoon's. Kunin mo na lang. You can pick it up tonight. I don't ever want to see both of you again."

Irene left.

Jisoo was visibly shaken by Irene's outburst. She didn't even realize that she was crying. Jinyoung had to keep an arm around her, lest she fell. She looked like she was about to. He tried to console her but they were in the middle of a public area and people were already looking. He gently guided her to the car and into the passenger's seat and sat her down, fastening her seat belt on. He crouched at her side. 

"Jisoo. Jisoo, please stop crying. She's just mad. She doesn't mean it. We'll let her cool down first. I'll take you home. You can stay with me. Ok?"

He didn't let her answer. He got in the driver's seat and was clutching the wheel when she grabbed his hand. She was trembling, still in tears, and she needed him to comfort her. But Jinyoung was never good at comforting anyone. Not even himself. He removed her hold on him. He squeezed her once before folding her arm back to her side. "Jisoo, I have to drive. Don't cry, please." 

Jinyoung started driving and quickly lost himself that he didn't even notice that Jisoo had stopped crying and had been in a deep state of slumber when they arrived at his apartment. He shrugged the belt off and was about to wake her up but thought better of it. 

She was quietly whimpering while sleeping. He reached out and tried to swipe away the tear-stained tracks on her cheeks with his thumb. What a fucking day and it was only after 1 in the afternoon.

He produced his phone out from his coat pocket. "JB, I might not drop by the office today. Can you let my secretary bring my laptop and tablet to my apartment? I'll work at home for the meantime… no, yeah. Yung Ate niya. Ok. Yes, that would be great. Thanks."

"Aalis ka na?" 

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Hindi sumagot si Jisoo. Hindi niya maipinta ang mukha ng babae. May lungkot pang bakas ang ito, pero walang buhay ang mga mata. Hindi niya gusto ang itsura nito. "Hindi ako aalis. Sasama ka sa akin."

At his answer, she nodded and glanced at his hand. This time, he reached for hers and held it against his own. "You can stay with me."

—

At 3, his work space was set up and Jisoo was asleep in the guest room. He was talking to Jaebeom on the phone.

"Nagwala yung Ate niya sa labas. Pinalayas si Jisoo. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko."

"Let her stay with you. Hangga't sa magkabati sila."

"Obviously. Pero ayoko siyang magisa lang dito."

"Work from home?"

"No, I can't. I have to be physically in the office because we're still in the transition phase."

"Maybe it's time to tell our parents."

"You think so? I'm worried because of dad's condition. Baka mabigla sila masyado."

"'Sus yun pa! Matagal ng humihingi ng apo sa akin yun, sa'yo pa ba? It's fine. Worse case scenario baka ipakasal kaagad kayo to make it official. But I don't think they'd be mad or disappointed. Alam mo naman yun…"

"Yeah, maybe. I'll give ma a call on Saturday. Or have them come over." Before Jinyoung dropped the call, he asked Jaebeom for a favor. He had him fetch Jisoo's things at the bake shop. He didn't have any women's/maternal clothes lying in his closet after all. 

He thought about what Jaebeom said. If his parents asked him to marry Jisoo for the sake of propriety, would he? He understood that some marriages weren't always built on love and this one was exactly like that, but committing to someone was something more permanent and significant he saw in his forthcoming years. At this point in his life, he wished to excel more in his career and achieve greater heights. Prove himself to be worthy. But being tied down to obligations he didn't intend to have yet was going to make it complicated. She wasn't part of the plan. They weren't part of his future. 

He felt a grip of sheer dread at the image of his failure and disappointment because of one tiny blunder. He should've known better than to bet against his own judgement. Why? Why did he have to do something so preposterous that night? What had gotten into him?

Jinyoung's attention was so misplaced that he barely heard the doorbell ringing and didn't notice Jisoo waking up to open his front door. It was when he did hear the door close that he chose to go out of his home office and check whether Jaebeom had gotten the stuff he was asking for. To his surprise, it wasn't his brother in his house but Jisoo's friend from the shop.

"Nagkita na kayo before. Seulgi si Jinyoung. Jinyoung si Seulgi." Madaling pakilala ni Jisoo.

"Um, hi. Pinadala lang sa akin yung gamit ni Jisoo." Binaba ni Seulgi yung bag na puno ng damit ni Jisoo at itinabi sa gilid. Pinunas niya ang kanyang mga kamay sa kanyang pantalon. Kabado. 

"Kamusta na si Ate? Anong sabi niya?" 

"Sabi lang niya kapag may naghanap na ng gamit mo, ibigay na lang. Wala siyang ibang sinabi. Ano bang nangyari? Bakit niya inimpake mga damit mo? Anong ginagawa mo dito? Ok ka lang ba?"

Too many questions. Not enough time. Not enough patience. "Pinalayas siya. Dito muna siya. Makakaalis ka na." 

Nagulat lang sa pabiglang sagot ni Jinyoung ang dalawang babae. Ngunit hindi niya na pinansin at muling bumalik sa kwarto para magtrabaho. 

As soon as he was inside his room, he regretted saying it. What the fuck is my problem?

Jisoo came in a few minutes later. She stood with her back against the door of his office, her distress and unease evident on her face. "You didn't have to say it like that."

Jinyoung didn't turn around and sighed. "I'm busy."

"I just want to know kung bakit ganun kang umasta. Hindi mo siya kilala. At kahit kilala mo pa siya, hindi mo pa rin dapat kausapin ng barubal."

Jinyoung scoffed and turned to her, crossing his arms. "Ano ba ang dapat at hindi ko pwedeng sabihin? Ka anu-ano mo ba yun at dapat pang kwentuhan ng nangyayari sa buhay mo?"

"Kaibigan ko lang naman siya pero tinuturing kong pamilya kaya wala kang karapatan na pag salitaan siya nang ganun."

"Bakit hindi ka na lang sa kanila tumuloy? Tutal wala rin naman tayong relasyon. Hindi naman kita pamilya at wala rin naman akong pakielam sa'yo!" Pasigaw na sagot ni Jinyoung. He could see how much his words hurt Jisoo but it wasn't like he could take the words back. And it wasn't like it wasn't the truth. 

"You're right. Sorry, nagassume ako." With that, Jisoo finally left him alone. 

Jinyoung pushed the incident at the back of his mind and went back to work. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, and it wasn't until his stomach grumbled that he realized how late it had turned. It was already half-past 8. He wondered if Jisoo had eaten.

But Jisoo wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere in the apartment. 

He called Jaebeom. "She's not here. I don't know where she is. I think she left."

"She did." 

"What? How did you..?"

"Seulgi told me. She's at Seulgi's." He heard Jaebeom sigh. "Gago ka talaga, Nyoung. Sana hindi mo na lang siya dinala dyan kung paalisin mo lang rin."

"It wasn't like that."

"It's exactly like that. Pag alis daw ni Seulgi pagkatapos mong bastosin, madali ring lumabas si Jisoo buhat-buhat yung mga gamit niya. Umiiyak. Buti hindi pa nakaka-alis sa building si Seulgi kung hindi, saan na pupulitin yung mag-ina mo? Tangina, Jinyoung. Hindi na kita maintindihan." 

"Sa tingin mo ako, alam? What the fuck should I do then? Mukha namang, you've got it figured out." 

"Kailangan mo pa bang itanong yan, you selfish asshole? Be a decent person. Treat her as an equal and get off your high horse!" 

Binabaan siya ni Jaebeom pagkatapos sermonan. Gustong ihagis ni Jinyoung yung telepono pero nag pigil siya at binuksan ang messages niya para hingin kay Jaebeom yung number at address nung Seulgi. 

—

At 10, Jinyoung was parked outside Seulgi's place. Currently, he braced himself with his arms on the steering wheel, hunched down. 

He had been there for 10 minutes. He had been considering going up and fetching Jisoo, which he knew was the right and proper thing to do, but shame and pride ate his thoughts first. Last time, he had Jaebeom to encourage him to approach her but now he only had himself. 

A thought passed. It's late anyway. Baka tulog na. I should just pick her up tomorrow. 

Reaching a decision, he prepared to leave but halted when Jisoo appeared outside the building. He regarded her. 

QNaka tayo lang siya sa labas habang hinihimas yung tiyan niya, kinakausap nanaman siguro yung baby. Tumitingin-tingin sa paligid paminsan-minsan. Mukhang may hinihintay.

Seeing her made Jinyoung gather his courage and opened his car to approach her. She recognized him immediately. Although he spotted something akin to delight in her appearance for a brief second, she quickly masked it in favor of mild upset.

Nagkatinginan lang sila. Tapos sabay na---

"Uwi na tayo?"

"Galit ka pa ba?"

Napangiti lang si Jinyoung. Si Jisoo naman, kinagat lang ang labi. "Hindi na ako galit. I'm sorry about earlier. I'm sorry I was rude to your friend."

"Hindi ka dapat sa akin nagso-sorry. Kay Seulgi dapat."

"And I did. Sa text. Pero pwede ko rin siyang kausapin ng harap-harapan."

"Tulog na siya."

"Ikaw? Bakit hindi ka pa tulog? Hinihintay mo ba ako?" Jinyoung teased.

Jisoo rolled her eyes. "Bakit naman kita hihintayin? Di ba pinaalis mo ako sa bahay mo? Wala ka ngang pakielam, di ba?"

"Jisoo… I'm sorry I said those things." He looked at her straight in the eye. "It wasn't exactly a lie. I don't know you well enough to care about you. But I'm here, aren't I? And I told you: you can stay with me. Until the thing with your sister thaws out."

She blinked. "You're here for me?"

He nodded. "Let's get your things para makauwi na tayo at makapagpahinga ka na." 

"Ok."

—

"So, how's married life?" 

It was Friday night and like any other Friday nights, he and the boys were drinking out. 

Jinyoung threw an irked glance at Jackson, who was grinning at him like the fool that he was. He was nursing his first drink of the night. He swirled his whiskey and didn't bother correcting him. He knew he and Jisoo weren't married.

That didn't stop Jackson from pestering him though. "I heard that women, who are pregnant, are extremely hormonal. So? Ano na ba? Naka round two ka na ba kay missus?"

He didn't bother answering.

"Boss, isa ngang Jack D diyan." Bambam came over to their place in the bar and squeezed between Jackson and Jinyoung. He faced Jinyoung. "Pare, ang hina mo naman. Hindi ka naman ganyan a few months ago. Inom pa. It's on me."

"Ayaw ng malasing niyan. Natatakot baka may magawa nanaman." Jackson guffawed at his own joke. Bam was clearly puzzled but joined Jackson anyway. 

He hadn't told the others about his situation yet. He didn't want to. 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and drank his alcohol in one go. He stood up and went over to the others. He flopped beside Youngjae, who was busy on his phone; he'd been preoccupied with his phone ever since arriving in the bar. Briefly, he wondered if it was a woman. Or work. He could never tell with Youngjae. 

He raised his hand for another and asked for a Napoleon. He took a sip when he was handed one before downing it all. He asked for bourbon next but it didn't last long before he asked for another one, one after the other, until he couldn't keep track of the liquor he'd practically inhaled.  

The boys were throwing him worried looks but he didn't concern himself with it. They were going to start asking questions; questions he didn't want to answer. 

"I think that's enough." Jaebeom said as he watched him take up another shot. He upped it before he could be stopped. "Where are you going?"

It took a lot of his willpower not to slur his speech. "I'm going to take a piss. Bakit? Sama ka?" He didn't wait for him to answer. 

Jinyoung took a leak, washed his hands and exited the restroom, only to find Jaebeom leaning outside with his arms crossed. He had a stern look on his face, reminiscent of their dad's look when he was about to scold them for fighting. 

Jinyoung didn't like it. "You don't have to follow me around. I'm not a kid."

"But you're acting like one."

He sighed. "What do you want, JB?"

"Why are you still here, Jinyoung?"

He was buzzed but that didn't cloud his sharpness. He knew which direction this talk was going. Didn't mean he could pretend and feign ignorance. "Traditionally, we get sloshed on Fridays. Well, Yugyeom does anyway." 

Jaebeom scowled. He knew him too well to see through the act. "Jisoo's waiting. Umuwi ka na, Nyoung."

"No one asked her to." 

"She wants to though, because she's worried."

"How would you know? Hindi naman kayo close."

"Informed ako. Unlike you."

"Informed by Seulgi? Please, JB. Spare me. Alam ko na yang mga galawan mo. You think I wouldn't figure it out after you sent her to my apartment with Jisoo's belongings? Don't make it more complicated than it is by involving yourself with her."

"Leave Seulgi out of this." Jaebeom was clenching and unclenching his fist, Jinyoung observed. He clearly touched a nerve when he mentioned Jisoo's friend. Curious. 

Surprisingly, Jaebeom didn't dwell on the Seulgi issue. "Be honest, Jinyoung. Bakit ayaw mong umuwi? Ilang araw ko ng napapansin na nago-over time ka for no apparent reason. As if you're avoiding the thought of going home."

Right in the mark. Jaebeom could be observant if he wanted to. "Stay out of my business."

"What are you afraid of? That you would grow to like the mother of your unborn child? Na magkakasundo kayo?" Jaebeom continued, sarcasm dripping from his tone. "God forbid that your child would be raised in a home and have parents who get along."

"Who said anything about raising the baby together?" Of course, he had forethought about their living arrangements. Jaebeom's confusion about the whole thing was laughable. Did he really think it was wise to have Jisoo and their child stay at his place? "Don't be dull, JB. The child might be mine but Jisoo and I are nothing. I'll provide for them and our family will see the kid pero hanggang doon na lang yun."

"And what if we want more? What if dad or mom demand for more than just seeing the kid occasionally? What if they want to have a relationship with the baby? To be a part of the family? What if your child wants to be with you? Both you and Jisoo?" 

"The baby isn't even born yet. This is all hypothetical. We'll cross the bridge when we get there." Jinyoung pressed on. "But make no mistake, JB. It's not their choice to make now or in the future. Whatever I see fit will follow."

They had a stare off. And it seemed no one would back away until Jaebeom shook his head with a grim look on his face. "Bahala ka na sa buhay mo. Just go the fuck home tonight."

—

He didn't go home until 2 in the morning. 

He let Bambam drag him away with Youngjae to another bar when the rest left. He drank until he couldn't stand straight. It was a miracle he was able to get home on his own without serious injury.

Jisoo was on the couch sleeping. Hands tucked under head. Belly portruded. Feet planted on the floor. It was an uncomfortable position. 

He crouched in front of her but couldn't keep his balance and stumbled and hit the coffee table with a thud.

It woke Jisoo. 

"Kakauwi mo lang?" She asked, trying to rub the sleep away from her eyes. "Gawa mo diyan?"

"Hi." 

She scrunched her nose. "Baho mo. Uminom ka?"

"Yep." He beamed, popping the P in the end. "With Bam and Jae. You don't know them."

Her brows were knitted. Haha. Cute. "Akala ko kasama mo si JB?"

"Yesss. Nope. Fought. 'Cause'uv you." He was slurring. He made an effort not to slur and not to elongate some of his sounds.

"Me? I didn't do anything." 

"Uh-huh. Did too. 'Cause you care."

Jisoo pouted. I'm going to kiss it away. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

He stifled a laugh. "You said that last time. You took me to bed but I took you instead. Kissed you, kissed me back. Wanna kiss you."

"Lasing ka lang." She held out her hands. "Up. Come on."

"Not a dog." He didn't take her offer and chose to stand on his own. Albeit, pathetically. Swaying. Almost fell. "Kaya ko. See?"

"Kaya mong maglakad?"

The room was swaying with him too. "Nope."

Jisoo slung his arm over her shoulders. They walked. Well, she walked; he wobbled. With great struggle, they eventually arrived at his room, where he collapsed on the bed artlessly. Toed off his dress shoes. Buried himself in his (freshly-laundered?) bedsheet. 

He was about to doze off but felt cool hands on his person, helping with his clothing off. He couldn't help but chuckle.

"You did this last time too. You struggled. I helped. I, however, did not have a hard time taking your dress off." He peered at her from where he lay. "I think mahihirapan na ako ngayon."

"Gago." Handing him a clean shirt, he battled with the arm holes. She helped him. 

"I remember you being less vulgar than that."

"So now you remember things."

"Minsan lang ako makalimot. Except for that night. But I remember now. Some of it." Jinyoung continued. He was smiling. Smugly. Stupidly. "I remember you were shy. I remember you liked my kisses. Asked for more. And all over you. You liked dirty talking."

"Ang daldal mo pag lasing. Alam mo 'yun?" She loosened his belt.

"I'm not usually like this." He didn't bother with the pants. He might just do something Jackson suggested if he took them off.

"Déjà vu." She laughed. "I feel like this is the longest time we've talked since I started staying in this place."

"Mhmm. Was avoiding you. Worked overtime. Made excuses kasi ayaw kong umuwi. Didn't want to see you. But surprise to me! Lagi mo akong naabutan. Waiting. Hindi ka ba napapagod maghintay?"

"Ayaw mo ba?" She asked, while tucking him in. 

Jinyoung only smiled. Baka masanay ako.

"Jinyoung… pwede kang umuwi nang maaga. Apartment mo 'to. If you want me gone, I can leave."

"Aalis ka nanaman." He was quiet. He wasn't asleep yet but he was getting there. And that wasn't quite true, what he said. "No. Ako pala yung unang umalis."

Jisoo hummed her agreement.

"Jaebeom was wrong, y'know? Not of—" Slowly losing his thoughts. "—you, but of getting too comfortable. Complacent. I thought… I would… fi—ahhh—'nly—" yawning. "—'m'where."

"I think you should sleep." Jisoo said, combing his hair back. 

"Mmyeah." It was pleasant. Her touch. He'd like a bit more. "G'night kiss?"

—

It was better after that night, as if there was a sudden shift in their dynamic.

Jinyoung would leave for work in the morning and would come back not late. Jisoo would go about her day but whatever she did then, she'd still be up and waiting for him. 

What she did when he was working, he didn't know; so from time to time, he'd send Yeri over to check on her. Yeri kept her word and had not said anything about his predicament to their parents. He still hadn't had the chance to discuss things with them, even after two weeks of Jisoo staying at his place. 

The Ate still hadn't replied to any of her messages nor answered her calls. Jisoo was heartbroken by it, he saw, but not too dejected to be completely helpless. 

One time, he even caught her with the laundry. He had just arrived home and wanted to relax for a bit. He sat by the armchair next to the couch, where she was seated, surrounded by laundry. "You don't have to do that. I can send it to the cleaners, instead."

"Umm, hindi. Okay lang. Wala na naman akong ginagawa. Hindi na rin ako pinapabalik sa trabaho ni Doc kasi masyado na daw risky."

"You went to the doctor?"

"Ah, oo. Nagpasama ako kay Yeri at Seulgi kahapon." Jisoo was folding the clothes while smiling, like doing something so simple could make her happy. He found it strange.

"How's the, uh, baby?"

"She's doing great. Wala namang daw na-detect na problema. By next check up, we can get a probable due date." 

"That's good, then."

Napatigil si Jisoo sa pagbubukod ng mga damit at tinignan siya. "Pwede kang sumama kung gusto mo. So you can see her."

Tinignan niya ito ng masinsinan. "If I have time." 

"Ok." She gave him a curt smile. He thought she would go back into doing the laundry but Jisoo spoke again. "About this... our situation..."

"What about it?"

"Once the baby is here, um, ano, paano yung arrangement?" She twiddled with her thumbs. Anxious. "Dito ba—bibisita ka ba? I mean, kapag ok na kami ni ate at gusto mong makita si baby sa apartment namin… I mean, gusto mo bang makita si baby?"

Hindi niya napigilan ang kaba na biglang naramdaman. Hindi rin niyang napigilang kutkutin ang materyal ng upuan sa kaba. Still, Jinyoung was careful with his words when he answered. "If she lives closer, I think it would be easier for everyone in my family to see the baby. I was thinking of renting a place for you two. Somewhere near." 

"Oh."

"Is that all right?" He assessed her reaction.

"I thought—I don't know." Jisoo frowned but didn't raise her worries anymore. 

He could take a guess though. "I'll put it under your name. You can move in with your sister. Kapag ok na kayo."

"I don't know if she'd want that."

"Well, somebody has to help you with the baby eventually. I'm sure she'll come around."

Jisoo didn't answer. 

"But if you want, we can hire a help. She can help you with the household while you're busy with the baby."

He was rambling at this point. "And you won't have to worry about the baby's stuff. I'll buy them for you. And have them delivered it to your apartment."

Hindi na umimik muli si Jisoo at nagtupi na lang. Hindi niya rin alam kung nakikinig pa ito sa kanya. Tumayo na siya at nagpaalam. "I'll go ahead. Don't stay up too late."

And then, for some unknown reason, he patted Jisoo's head before leaving.

Once he was inside his room, he looked at his hand and wondered, the hell did I just do?

—

Jinyoung started experiencing moments of domesticity by the third week of Jisoo's stay. 

One time, he'd gone home hungry and the next day, Jisoo cooked dinner. So now, he would go home and eat Jisoo's home cooked meals (decidedly, needed more practice) or sometimes watch television dramas with her (he'd leave after 15 minutes because he just couldn't understand how ridiculous some of the plot were). 

He would also have momentary thoughts of touching her. Just a brief brush of skin, a light pat or a gentle squeeze of hands or fingers. He would find himself pursuing the urges (engaging physically but in a mechanical way) but more often than not, he would let the feelings flit.

There would be spare times however, where she would reach out and take his hand, to guide it to her stomach so that he could feel the baby's movement. He was fond of those moments.

During one session of baby-touching, Jisoo brought up the possibility of him accompanying her to the next monthly check-up. Caught in the moment, he agreed.

So here they were, in the hospital, being asked mundane questions by her Obstetrician about her daily progression. Earlier on, they were caught in an awkward situation where the doctor asked where he was the past months and why he only accompanied Jisoo on her monthly check up now. 

He merely smiled and answered that he was busy.

"It’s only a matter of time now, parating na si baby kaya dapat extra careful tayo. Bawal ma-stress si missus. Kailangan relax lang at wag masyadong gumalaw-galaw."

"Yes, doktora. Thank you po. Have a good day." Thanked Jisoo. Jinyoung supported Jisoo as she got up; she was getting heavier and doing the simplest things were getting tougher. "Nakita mo ba yung ilong ni baby? Ang cute at ang tangos. Feeling ko nagmana sa'yo."

Hindi na siya kumumento at nagmadali na lang naglakad habang akap ang balikat ni Jisoo. Kahit na naka maskara pa siya, malakas ang kutob niyang makikilala siya, katulad na lang ng--

"Kuya? Ate Jisoo!" Kapatid niyang si Yeri. Linapitan sila nito ng mabilis, gulat na gulat at kaunting may panic sa mga mata. "Oh my God, Kuya! You should leave; daddy's here for his check up!"

"What?"

"He's just making kwento but we were about to leave. You haven't told mommy and daddy about the baby, right? I think it's best if you leave now. Baka mahuli kayo."

"Shit. Thanks Ye." Mabilis rin silang naglakad ni Jisoo. Well, relatively fast for someone who was pregnant.

When they got to the car, Jisoo was slightly winded and Jinyoung was mulling over the possibility of just confronting and confessing to his parents tonight or tomorrow. It was long overdue anyway. 

In the morning after, he told Jisoo about his plans. She agreed but seemed awfully somber about it. He didn't think about it too much.

—

On his next rest day, they went over to his parents' place. It was Jaebum who welcomed them at the door. They hadn't spoken since that night but they were all right. They always were. 

He nodded inside. "Just in time. Good mood sila ma and dad. Dining area. Talk to them first. Sama ka muna sa akin, Jisoo. Miss ka na ni Yeri."

He turned to Jisoo. "You ok?" 

"Ok." She smiled but it was strained around the edges. He didn't pay too much attention to it again. He was busy calming his nerves down, which again was an uncommon trait he had developed. He was never nervous. He planned ahead to avoid it. 

But what use was planning when you're just going to forget?

Jinyoung approached his parents in the dining area. They were having tea. His mom beamed as soon as she saw him. He was genuinely glad to see the both of them, despite the inner turmoil he was having.

"Oh, honey! You're here." He pecked each of his parents cheeks. "You should've told us sooner na dadaan ka para nakapaghanda si Manang ng favorite mo. Naglunch ka na?" 

"I'm good, Ma. Naglunch na kami kanina. Hi, dad."

"Hi, hijo. How are you? Ngayon ka lang napadaan. Last time you were here was after my surgery pa, right?" 

"Yes. Sorry po. I was just busy with a lot of things."

"Is work keeping you up? Don't worry; you're doing great. I was just talking to the older Wang the other day. So far, they're very satisfied with how you handle the board as my representative." Dad gave him a reassuring grin. "Anyway, your load will lighten once I'm back in my post. You'll have your freedom back soon."

Ma rolled her eyes. "Hay nako, daddy ha. The doctor said you have to rest for at least 6 months. May 2 months ka pa."

Dad rolled his eyes. "Your mom is such a worry-wart."

"And your dad is a stubborn mule." Ma beckoned him to sit beside her. "Anyway, is there something you need, anak? You have that look in your eyes. Like you're a man on a mission."

"Is this about the adoption? Don't worry; ready na yung papers. The lawyer's just tying some loose ends." Dad explained.

"Magiging Im ka na rin sa wakas!" Ma cheered.

"Wow." Jinyoung couldn't help the smile that was slowly spreading on his face. It was overwhelming. After all these years of hoping and wanting… 

"Before the year ends, hopefully finalized na. It would be your Christmas gift to us! My baby is officially my baby!"

"Ma." Jinyoung grumbled in jest. He was happy. And worried. And frightened. Something his mother could see on his face clearly.

"Is there something wrong, love? You can tell us."

"Have you guys… have you ever been disappointed in me?" 

His parents exchanged looks, both frowning. Ma spoke. "None that I can think of."

Dad followed soon after. "Not disappointment per se, but just extreme sadness. When you only asked us now to adopt you. Ang tagal ka naming hinintay ng mommy mo."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay, anak. The important thing is now, it's a possibility for us."

Jinyoung continued. "What if… what if I've done something horrible? Will you be disappointed in me? Maybe this time around you'll be disappointed. I did something terrible 7 months ago. It was something I did impulsively and stupidly. It resulted in a mistake." A crippling fear gripped Jinyoung's heart. What if they push him away after hearing everything he has to say? What will happen to him? Who will be his family then?

Gone was the logical and level-headed Jinyoung they knew. It was his dread talking now. All his happiness from earlier, eaten up. "I don't even know why I did it. I can't remember the reason why I had to sacrifice everything I ever worked for—for this! All my life I only wanted you guys to be proud of me. I wanted to repay your kindness for raising me and giving me everything I don't deserve.  But I screwed up, Ma. I don't think I can do this."

"Jinyoung? Honey, whatever it is, we'll get through it. Don't cry, baby." Ma was wiping the tears away from his eyes.

Jinyoung didn't even notice he was crying. Once the tears slid, he couldn't stop it.

"We'll still love you kung ano pa yun. We'll always be proud of you. You don't need to repay anything. Anak. Please stop crying na. You're making me cry too." 

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry, Ma." He was sobbing. He never cried in public. It was a display of weakness he learned in his younger years. A weakness that can be easily exploited by other people. Something he never wanted to experience again. 

By now, his parents were both by his side, consoling him. Ma was hugging him and Dad was giving him words of comfort. Eventually, his sobs subsided to a whimper until he finally composed himself. 

"Jinyoung, we're here for you. We'll help you with whatever it is. Whatever you need."

"I—There's someone I'd like you to meet."

—

Jinyoung led them to the living room before fetching Jisoo from where Jaebeom had brought her to—his small library. She was with Yeri, who was happily chatting away and her listening with rapt attention. The couch where they were seated was facing the open windows, so their backs were facing him instead. At the door opening, Jaebeom looked up from his book and gave Jinyoung a quizzical stare, as if asking him whether he was ok. He nodded in acknowledgement. 

Yeri was still talking but Jisoo's attention drifted into his direction. Jinyoung caught her eyes and saw how anxious and frightened she was like him. 

He gave her a small smile. "They're waiting in the living room." 

"Right. Una muna kami ni Yeri." Jaebeom called to Yeri and both of them left the room. 

Now, it was just Jinyoung and Jisoo. He approached her slowly and sat at the coffee table, so they were facing each other.

It was Jisoo, who reached out first. Hand outstretched, advancing towards his face, then hesitatingly cradling his right cheek. He welcomed the touch, leaning slightly towards it, while she thumbed the track of tears left. 

"Ok ka lang?"

"I'm ok." Jinyoung placed his hand atop of hers. "I haven't told them yet."

"Oh."

"They'll be asking a lot of questions. How we met, how long we've known each other." Jinyoung locked his gaze on her. "Most importantly, they will be asking about marriage plans. I want to be honest with you, Jisoo. I don't have any intentions of marrying you." 

"I see." 

"It's not—"

"—you, it's me? You don't have to explain, Jinyoung. Wala namang tayo. I understand. You didn't sign up for a baby and you didn't sign up for this. Both of us didn't. I don't want to tie you down just because we have a baby together." 

"You're not… mad?" He removed his hand from hers. She also got rid of hers from his face.  

"Should I be?" She asked, bewildered. "I just want my baby to know her father; kahit may relasyon pa tayo or wala. We can be friends, lovers or nothing basta hindi mo ipagtatabuyan yung anak mo."

"I will never do that."

Jisoo put on a happy expression. "Then, I'm good. Pero anong sasabihin natin sa parents mo?"

"We can just say that it's not a priority right now. That the focus is on the baby. They'll understand." He stood up and offered to help her stand. "We should go. They're probably waiting. I hope you're ready."

—

It went off without a hitch.

Although they were left with more questions than answers, his parents remarkably liked Jisoo. They had already extended an invitation for her to stay in their house that very night but Jinyoung had to decline for her because he knew his parents would only interrogate her about their relationship. They promised to return, along with sonograph pictures of the baby.

Despite the welcome his parents posed, Jisoo seemed distracted. Sumasagot kapag tinatanong pero hindi nakikihabilo. Ngumingiti pero hindi umaabot sa mga mata. 

“Pagod ka na?” Tanong niya kay Jisoo.

Nagbuntong-hininga lang ang sagot siya. Saglit niyang tinignan at nakitang naka tulala lang sa labas. Mukhang malalim ang iniisip. 

He tried again. "I know it’s not ideal but I'm not entirely opposed to it."

"Hmm?" Imik ni Jisoo.

"Of being friends. I don't dislike the idea of us being friends." 

"Oh?" Panandalian lang siyang tinignan nito. 

He held his breath. Mahigpit ang kapit sa manibela. Halong kaba at alinlangan ang ramdan niya habang tinanong si Jisoo. "Can we be friends?" 

Matagal bago sumagot si Jisoo, pero nung napa-oo na lang siya, hindi pa rin gumaan ang loob ni Jinyoung. 

—

It was a few days after, when the dread in his guts manifested.

He was at work; in a meeting with the shareholders about the future plans for the following year, when he was informed by his secretary that his phone had been exploding with calls and text messages. He had ignored it, his personal life could wait in lieu of his career. 

He was in the office, afterwards, when Jaebeom barged in with a miffed look and a thunderous voice to boot. “Hindi ka ba nasabihan ng secretary mo na tumatawag ako? Or nagte-text? Bakit hindi ka na naman sumasagot?”

“I was in a meeting with the board.” 

Jaebeom released a sigh of exasperation. “Si Jisoo na kayla Seulgi. Sunduin mo.” 

“Bakit? Anong nangyari?”

“Sunduin mo na lang; ang dami mo pang tanong!”

Jinyoung shook his head. “JB, you know me. Hindi ako basta-bastang umaalis sa trabaho ng walang rason.”

“Puta? Trabaho pa rin ang iniisip mo? Kahit nahimatay na yung ina ng anak mo?” 

“What?!” Sa gulat ni Jinyoung, napatayo ito bigla. “What the fuck happened?”

“Pinuntahan niya yung ate niya sa trabaho pero hindi siya pinansin at sinabihang umalis sa harap niya. Nag-text yung ate niya kay Seulgi na paalisin daw si Jisoo dahil nagsa-skandalo tapos iniwan na lang umiiyak. Pag dating ni Seulgi doon, ayaw pa ring tumahan; nawalan na lang ng malay bigla.” 

“Bakit hindi nila dinala sa ospital?” Mabilis hinablot ni Jinyoung ang susi ng kanyang sasakyan at ang kanyang telepono. Palabas na siya ng opisina niya, kasunod si Jaebeom. Saglit na kinausap ang kanyang sekritarya bago dumiretso sa elevator. “Bakit na kayla Seulgi lang? Paano kung may nangyari sa bata?”

 

Jaebeom put upon a sigh. “Dinala nila sa ospital pero pinagpayuhan lang na pagpahingahin nung doctor. Dapat iko-confine na siya kaso nung nagising si Jisoo, ayaw naman niya.”

“Fuck.” 

“She was asking for you when she woke up.” Nagkatinginan sila salamin ng elevator. “She seemed ok the last time I saw her. What happened, Jinyoung? What did you do?”

Si Jinyoung ang unang napailing. It was the guilt that made him back down first. “I don’t know. I didn't do anything.”

—

Pagkadating nila kayla Seulgi, si Seungyoon ang unang bumati sa kanila. Masama ang tingin niya kay Jinyoung. 

“Where’s Jisoo?” 

“Tulog.” Sagot ng lalaki. Hinarang niya si Jinyoung sa pintuan. “Oh, saan ka pupunta?”

“Kukunin ko si Jisoo.”

“Tulog nga. Bumalik ka na lang kapag may pakielam ka na.”

“What did you say?” Jaebeom demanded. Jinyoung raised a hand. Signalling him to stand down. There was no need to be violent. He never resorted to it.

“Hinahanap niya ako kaya susunduin ko na siya.” His eyes narrowed. “Move.”

“Hindi mo ba ako narinig? Tulog nga kaya wag mong istorbohin. Kailangan niyang magpahinga.”

Jinyoung sighed. He didn’t want to do any power plays at the moment. He knew what Seungyoon wanted but he couldn’t hand it over to him so easily. 

It was obvious, of course. Seungyoon clearly thought of Jisoo as more than a friend and he was being protective of her because he couldn’t let her go. He didn’t think Jisoo would’ve chosen him anyway. If she did, she would’ve done it a long time ago. 

“She’ll rest better with me around. Now, move.”

Seungyoon grabbed his collar and seemed to want to punch him but Seulgi beat him to it. That is, she pulled Seungyoon away from Jinyoung, while Jaebeom stood between them. “Kuya! Ano ba ‘yang ginagawa mo? Magunos-dili ka nga diyan!”

“Ano ba? Eh kasalanan naman nitong gago na ‘to kung bakit nagkaganyan si Jisoo eh. Bitawan mo nga ako, tangina.” Napakalas ito sa hawak ni Seulgi ng mabagsik. “Palibhasa, wala kang alam.”

Jaebeom intervened again. “Pare, ‘wag namang ganyan. Makipagusap ka naman ng matino.”Mas masama ang tingin ni Seungyoon kay Jaebeom. “Lumayo ka sa kapatid ko, tangina mo.” Pag banta nito bago umalis. Binangga niya si Jinyoung ng marahas bago lumabas. 

Jinyoung ignored it. Waste of time.

“Sorry sa kuya ko… protective lang talaga siya.”  Seulgi bit her lip, ashamed. Hindi makatingin kahit sa isa sa kanila. “Nasa kwarto si Jisoo. Sa kanan.”

“Thanks.” Iniwan na ni Jinyoung ang dalawa. Narinig niya ang alala sa boses ni Jaebeom nung tinanong niya si Seulgi kung ayos lang siya, pero hindi ito ang tunay na pakay ni Jinyoung at hindi na lang kumumento. Pinuntahan niya sa kwarto si Jisoo at nakitang nakahiga si Jisoo sa kama. Gising at nakatitig sa kanya.

Dahan-dahan niyang linapitan ito at yumuko sa harap niya. Hindi niya napigilang hawakan ang mukha nito. He was caressing her, the way she touched him at his parents’ place. Tinignan nito ng maiigi. “Do you want to go home?”

Napatungo si Jisoo. Akala niya, ayos na ang lahat pero biglang humikbi ang babae, matatabang luha ang lumabas sa kanyang mga mata. “Wala na akong uuwian. Hindi na ako mahal ni ate.”

“I meant—” Jinyoung cut himself off. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Sabi niya sa akin, malaki na daw ako. Kaya ko na daw. Na hindi ko na daw siya kailangan.” Hindi napigilan ni Jisoo ang kanyang iyak. 

Walang nagawa si Jinyoung kung hindi pag masdan lang ito. Occasionally, wiping the tears away with his thumb, despite knowing how futile it was. The tears wouldn’t stop. She was breaking. Right in front of his eyes. “Pero Jinyoung… kailangan ko si ate. Si ate lang ang nagmamahal sa akin. Siya lang ang pamilya ko.”

He felt guilty then. Something he didn’t feel quite often. He was reluctant to admit it but Seungyoon was right. He did this. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jisoo.” Jinyoung leaned forward, so their faces were touching now. He whispered words to abate Jisoo’s heartbreak and his own regrets. His lips grazing her eyes, cheeks and nose, a poor imitation of a peck. 

It was secretly the only other way he knew how to comfort other people, something he learned from his mother-—his real mother. It was the only lovely thing he learned from her. 

—

Jaebeom had to drive them home that day, as Jisoo didn’t loosen her hold on Jinyoung’s hand. 

They sat at the back, their joint hands in the middle of the two-passenger seat. She was looking outside, not saying anything again. The ride was far too quiet for his liking—even though it was his usual preference.

“Why did you see her?” Jinyoung asked. She didn’t respond. He squeezed her hand. “Jisoo.”

She tried to pull her hand away from him but he held it steadfast. She wasn’t escaping this time. Whatever it was that had been bothering her for the past week, he would make sure to find out. 

“I missed her. We’ve never been apart for this long after ng nagkasama ulit kami.” She answered, her voice shaking. “And I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of whom?”

“Of you. And JB. And your family.” She glanced at Jaebeom, and then at him. “You have your parents and your siblings. You have someone you can run to, someone who can support you. Pero nawala yung taong tatakbuhan ko at yung sumusuporta sa akin.”

“Why did you go on your own? I could’ve—”

“I just wanted to fix it on my own. Without your help.” She lamented. “Pero lumayo na ang loob ni ate sa akin. Wala na daw siyang kapatid. Magisa na lang ako.”

“You have the baby. The baby needs you.”

“The baby needs me because she has to, not because she wants to. Ate needed me because she wanted to, because she loved me. I have no one.”

“Jisoo…” Gusto niyang pagaanin ang loob nito, pero hindi alam ni Jinyoung kung papaano. He wanted to tell her that maybe… maybe...

Hindi na lang niya itinuloy at mukha namang hindi na ulit ito mamamansin, hanggang nakatulog na lang siya sa byahe.

Jaebeom, who had been silent the whole time, spoke. “I’m bringing you guys to Dad’s.”“What? Why?” His brother didn’t listen. “No. Take us to my place.” 

“Jisoo needs to be taken care of properly, Jinyoung. I’m doing this for Jisoo and the baby. She needs to feel loved and cherished. You clearly can’t do it yourself. Let Ma look after her even just for a few days. At least, may makakasama siya doon at hindi lang magisa sa apartment mo. Please, if not for Jisoo, do it for the baby.” 

“Fine.”

—

Jisoo stayed at his parents’ place for the remaining duration of her pregnancy. 

Jinyoung dropped by every now and then when he wasn’t busy but would go home in his apartment after seeing her. 

Jisoo appeared more cheerful since the incident with her sister, he noticed. Dad made her laugh with his dad jokes, Ma was pampering her and the baby with so much baby stuff, she had apologized and had to decline, and Yeri was finally getting the big sister she wanted. Even Jaebeom dropped by, admittedly more often than he did, and brought Seulgi along so she could have a friend to talk to if everybody else was busy. It was only he, who always came empty-handed. 

Once, he asked what she wanted and what he could give to her but she only shook her head and said it couldn’t be done. 

At the insistence of his parents, he stayed one night. 

They slept in his old room. While he did his nightly absolutions, she just sat on his bed and looked at some of his photos. He didn’t have photos of when he was younger than six, which was when he stayed with the Ims then.

He remembered some of them fondly, while the others were just a haze. They stopped to look at a photo of him, JB and Yeri at the beach. She was five then, and he and JB were eleven. They built sandcastles and ate watermelon. It was also the summer where he found out what being adopted and what being a foster kid meant.

After, when they were both in bed, Jisoo asked him what he thought would be good baby names. 

"Noong una, parang gusto ko combination ng name mo atsaka noong akin. Like Jinsoo, Soojin or Jinji! Kaso naisip ko na medyo corny pala. Kaya iba na lang siguro. Ikaw ba? May naisip na?"

He hadn't given it a thought, to be honest. It was the least of his worries. Well, at least not about the baby's first name. “Jisoo… Once the baby is born, she might need to take your last name.”

He was met by silence so he saw it as a sign to continue.

"There’s something you need to know about me, Jisoo. I don't know if you know or if someone had told you already, but I'm not an Im. I'm their foster kid. It's kind of an open secret. I go by Park. Park Jinyoung. At least for now anyway." 

He continued. "They're planning to adopt me legally but it will take months before that happens. I… just don't want to make it more complicated for the child later on, when she has to change it twice. At least when she decides to keep my name in the future, you'll only do it once.” He looked at Jisoo. “Naiintindihan mo naman kung saan ako nanggagaling, hindi ba?"

She nodded but didn’t talk anymore. She remained like that until they both fell asleep. 

The bed was wet when he woke up—when he was woken up by a weeping Jisoo.

“Jin—ah—manganganak na ata ako.” Hawak-hawak niya ang kanyang tiyan.

Mabilis natanggal ang antok ni Jinyoung, napaupo ito at mabilis tumabi kay Jisoo. “Shit. Fuck. Sigurado ka na ba? It’s not your due yet. ” 

“My water broke. I’m—ow!—sure. Hospital.” 

“Fuck. Fuck, wait. Shit. Tawagin ko sila ma.” 

Umalis at iniwan niya si Jisoo sa kwarto at pinuntahan ang kanyang mga magulang para sabihin ang balita. Nagising ang buong bahay at nagmadaling magayos para pumunta ng ospital. Pag balik nito sa kwarto, nakita niya si Jisoo na nakaluhod sa tabi ng kama. Mabilis niyang pinuntahan ito at inakay. 

“Can you walk?”

“No. It hurts.”

“Okay—just—” He had her arms loop around his neck while he hoisted her up, close to his body, carrying her bridal style. “Hold tight.” 

Hangga’t sa nakarating sila sa ospital, buhat-buhat ni Jinyoung si Jisoo, na nangiyak-ngiyak sa sakit ng kanyang contractions. Ma brought all the necessary things Jisoo and the baby would need after, which he didn’t really think about, but left not long after and said she would be back either in the morning or afternoon. 

Now it was just Jinyoung and Jisoo in the hospital room, the latter in immense pain.

The nurse informed them that early labor for first time moms were not uncommon and was sometimes expected at just 37 weeks. Jinyoung had insisted that Jisoo be admitted instantly and so he spent the rest of the early morning by her side, reading articles about assuaging labor pains.

He’d let her squeeze his hand, bury her face in his neck as she sobbed, and be the shoulder he knew she needed.

But he knew he wasn't the one she was looking for.

"Jinyoung, anak, where did you go? Why did you leave Jisoo alone?"

"Ma, I didn't leave her alone. You and Yeri are there."

"Jinyoung, don't play smart with me. Hindi kita pinalaki ng ganyan. Get back here. You should be here to be with the mother of your child!"

"I'll be back, Ma. I promise. May dadaanan lang ako."

"Jisoo is also looking for you. You better come back here before the baby is born.”

"I will."

—

Jinyoung was sure he would be thrown something when he arrived in her office pero masamang tingin lang ang binato sa kanya ng ate ni Jisoo. Hindi siya sinigawan, hindi siya pinaalis.

Hindi niya alam kung saan niya sisimulan ang gusto niyang ipahayag. Ang ipinunta lang naman niya talaga dito ay para sabihin na manganganak na ang kapatid niya. 

Bigla niyang natandaan ang huli nilang pagkikita. Hadn't she said he didn't care for her sister? That he didn't know what Jisoo had to go through when he wasn't around? The pain he inflicted by his absence? He wanted to relay the same message to her but something was bothering him. It had been bothering him for a long time and it wanted out. Now. 

"I know I did you and Jisoo wrong from the start. Especially, Jisoo. I know you blame me for your recent failings with your sister." He swallowed. "I'm sorry for that. For both. For everything."

"And? You're here because… what? You want my forgiveness?" She crossed her arms. "Hindi ko mabibigay 'yun sa'yo. Kaya makakaalis ka na."

Hindi napigilan ni Jinyoung ang inis niya. Mataas rin pala ang pride nitong ate ni Jisoo. He should've known. Noong una pa lang silang magusap. Pero matalino si Jinyoung. Hindi niya hinayaan ang inis niya ang magpairal sa usapan nila. Hindi naman ito ang importante.

"I'll leave only if you come with me."

Napatawa ng malakas si Irene. "And what makes you think I would want to come with you?"

"The fact that Jisoo's about to give birth should be enough of a reason for you."

Irene scoffed. "No, it isn’t."

He raised his voice then. Hindi niya napigilan. "This is your sister we're talking about!" 

"The same sister who left me for you!" She shook her head. "She doesn't need me. She has you already."

"Jisoo needs you, Irene. She said so herself. She's heartbroken that you two have grown apart. Kaya please, pagbigyan mo na ako—si Jisoo, kahit ngayon lang. Sumama ka na. Make her happy for me. I just want to see her smile."

—

It was awkward, to say the least, to wait outside the room with the rest of his family while the sisters cried their heart out. The medical staff were already looking at their direction weirdly and his mother was urging him for them to talk and relay the story about the sisters but he didn’t want that. So he kept mum until Irene came out of the door and called for him.

She didn’t leave when he went inside, but she gave them the distance to talk by staying by the door and pretended to be interested in her phone.

Jinyoung approached Jisoo slowly. Her eyes were still red from crying and slightly puffy but there was a smile on her lips that pleased him greatly. It’s been so long since he had seen it--had he seen it before? He couldn’t remember, but it didn't matter. 

“Thank you.” Jisoo lifted her hand and instinctively, he grasped it with his own. “For bringing Ate here. For letting me see her again.”

“It’s fine. It’s what you wanted, right?”

“Paano mo nalaman?”

“Hindi mahirap hulaan.” Sabi nito, habang hinihimas niya ang kamay ni Jisoo. “At sinabi mo yun, hindi ba? Na kailangan mo ang ate mo. Na siya ang pamilya mo.”

“Sabi ko nga. Pero hindi na lang siya… na saan na ang mama mo? Pati daddy mo atsaka yung mga kapatid mo?” 

“Nasa labas, naghihintay. Gusto mo bang tawagin ko? Wait, let me—”

Napatigil siya sa pag baklas ng kanilang kamay, dahil mapahigpit ang hawak ni Jisoo sa kanya. Mga ilang sandali, binitawan niya rin ito, at nagbalik ang ngiting pwersado sa mukha. Tinitigan ni Jinyoung si Jisoo, napalunok at napaisip. Gusto niyang may sabihin pero hindi niya alam kung ano… o kung paano sisimulan. Pag dating kay Jisoo, marami siyang hindi naiintindihan.

But now, something tells him he shouldn't leave her side. That he should stay and see her through the rest of her labor and the birth of their daughter. That if he leaves now, then it would mean leaving for good.

And… he couldn't. He couldn't leave her.

So he stayed.

—

At exactly three-thirty in the afternoon, Jinyoung became a father. 

—

END