#LONG POST HOLY SHIT

[artsy-hobbitses]

So for all the TTB couples: who said I love you first?

.... Shit this about to get lengthy.

HoundxMirage: Mirage, mid-war while he’s tending to a Hound who’s becoming delirious from a badly-infected wound and a fever on the field and they have to wait for backup to come get them. Hound tells him to go after they somehow narrowly manage to escape a Decepticon patrol, he’s deadweight at this point, just leave him. Mirage tells him to stop being an idiot, and tries to keep Hound awake (Don't sleep, please don't sleep, you might not wake up, they're almost here) by talking about the first time they met and how this situation mirrors the time Hound braved Decepticon prison camps to find him after the Autobots faced of against the Cons for the first time to free their incarcerate comrades. And how shocked Mirage was to see him there, because Mirage wasn't expecting anyone to come. And Hound asks what he said then, and Mirage repeats his memory of the moment to Hound; That Mirage himself had told Hound to leave before they catch them both, he's just deadweight at this point, and Hound told him to stop being silly, he knows the Bots have their misgivings, but he trusts you, and he's not leaving a friend behind. And Mirage admits how trite that was, but how earnest and sincere Hound made it sound. How profound it was to have someone understand for once that his work requires him to wear masks, to put on airs, and Hound trusted him all the same for it. And how silly it felt in the moment to love Hound for something as mundane and simple as that. By that time, help finally gets to them and Mirage can breathe again, and he figures that Hound (who sleeps for several days recovering) might have forgotten about it, it's a silly notion, he must think the same. But when Hound properly wakes up, the first thing he asks Mirage, who's reading by his bedside, is if it was true. What Mirage had said about loving him. And Mirage is silent for a while, before deciding to throw away the mask of propriety, because Hound is one of the few who have seen him without it, and Hound has ALWAYS been open with him, and he won't give Hound any less than that deserved honesty. Yes, he loves you, he loved you in that fleeting moment, and he's loved you ever since, and he's tired of pretending what he feels is anything less than that... but he understands completely if you don't feel the same way. And Hound laughs weakly because he could never have imagined someone like Mirage--a gentleman, talented, and beautiful, but also braver than anyone gives him credit for and with a conviction to do good that so few have despite his privilege--could fall in love with him, some ex-military farm boy Wulver from Shetland, and he'd been content for the longest time to love Mirage in silence (Plants Mirage's favorite flowers/produce, always volunteers to model Mirage's new works, cares for Mirage's pets personally when Mirage is away on a mission, makes sure no one in his presence badmouths Mirage for literally doing what it is the Bot leadership enlisted him for in the first place). Hound's still a little loopy at this point, but asserts that since they're puttin' all cards on the table now, he loves you too, Merry, and god ain't they gonna be a sight at those fancy parties you're going to have to attend with a Plus One. Mirage laughs and kisses his forehead, and says that if they get kicked out, he'd see that as a plus point. He doesn't let go of Hound's hand as Hound drifts off again, and falls asleep next to him (Ratchet allows it for one night).

SideswipexStongarm: Sideswipe, during a sparring session of all things because OF COURSE THESE TWO WOULD. It would be while Sunny is still absent but after he and Strongarm have established that they Have Feelings for each other, but haven't said the words yet. Strongarm's recovering from an injury and needs the practice because she feels useless and is about get cabin fever and claw at the drywall if she's passed over for field work again. Sideswipe calls her stubborn, she's be like "hell yeah where'd you think THAT rubbed off from, Red?" and he's like "lol touche" and goes with it. He trounces her at every turn though, cause he's got his mojo back and has, with his house arrest, had time to learn a couple of new things, but she's unfocused and frustrated and it's actually clear that he's not giving it is 100% and is careful to avoid aggravating her still-healing injuries. When the slip-up seemingly happens and he immediately drops everything to check on her, she takes the chance to take him down and calls him out for falling for the oldest trick in the book as they're both lying on the floor, and he, without missing a beat says "yeah well, you know what they say about people doing stupid shit when they're in love." Record-screech, and a flat "what" from Strongarm as he repeats it again and she punches him in the arm because DUDE WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM and he just cackles because really, REALLY ?? HEY REMEMBER LIKE, THAT ONE TIME WE WERE ON THE BEACH AND YOU WERE LIKE "HEY YOU THINK I'D PUT ALL THIS GODDAMN EFFORT INTO THIS ZUPPA INGLESE FOR SOME CHUMP I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT", babe it's 3am and he could be in bed but no, he's here bruised and sweaty and prepping for a flying kidney dish from Ratchet when the doc finds out, and you really think he'd risk Ratchet's wrath for someone he didn't love? You really think you get to give him a reason to keep looking forward to another day and be the reason he doesn't feel like half a person anymore without him being stupidly twitterpatted over all 5'6 of you?

Strongarm's got her face in her hands --she'd self-immolate if she went any redder---and bemoans with a small laugh that he's got AWFUL timing---"I love you" in the middle of a sparring session ffs, where's the ROMANCE? THE ROSE PETALS AND CANDLE LIGHT? HARLEQUIN LIED TO HER. Sideswipe's howling at the revelation that YOU USED TO READ THAT STUFF??? but he's got a gleam in his eyes as he turns over so he's half on top of her and offers to say it again, under the right circumstances this time. She turns the tables on him again, gives him the kind of kiss that has him as flushed and gasping for air as she is, and tells him she still can't believe he's got her this messed up over him, but they've also still got three hours before dawn, so they should definitely take his little redo somewhere more y'know, comfortable (Let's just say they find a more pleasurable way to burn off her excess energy).

WindbladexStarscream: The question isn’t who said “I love you” first, it’s how many times these morons decided to say it post-war in their native languages thinking they were being slick before one of them (Windblade) eventually decides to let the game end and explain that hey, listen, you know she’s picked up plenty of Italian since you moved in with her right? And you’re at 499 “Ti Amos” right now so how about you make number 500 special and tell her to her face right now how you really feel? And he’s cackling because he’s Still Starscream and HAH 499! HE PEGGED YOU AT 495 AISHITERUS HE WINS THIS ROUND until Windblade nearly pisses herself laughing (“YOU WERE KEEPING TRACK?!” “YOU WERE KEEPING TRACK?!!”) and shuts him up with a kiss and is all OH MY GOD YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE NEVER CHANGE BUT JUST SAY THE WORDS ALREADY and he does! In English that is! And repeats it three more times interspaced with kisses, because he doesn’t want her to forget this moment. And he thinks he's got her, being suave and heartfelt about it and all, until she asks him, apropos of nothing, if he wants to see the prize he won for those 500 "I love yous" and he's a blustery, squawking mess when she pulls out an engagement ring. By now they've become domestically comfortable friends with benefits, but a part of him still thinks she sees him just as that---a fun fling of a best friend. This is wonderful and all, but she couldn't POSSIBLY want like, an actual married life with him right? The FIRST DELEGATE HERSELF officially, PUBLICLY attached to a feral ex-con gremlin with a rep sheet? And Windblade is all are you kidding? Yes, she ABSOLUTELY wants the world to know that you're hers and there's nothing any of them can do about it, not any more. So how about you stay, and find out if we can reach the 1 million ILY mark together? Starscream can't say no---he has stake in the game now oh man, he wants to see which one of them can get there first, he wants to be there for every milestone, and he concedes that she's won this one. She's won this one, and he's genuinely never been happier that she got him good.

RavagexLaserbeak: Ravage, near end-war when they were caught in Shockwave’s Positive Reinforcement prison and were fed visions of an alternate universe type situation where they’re Completely Normal (Full Human), and Laserbeak is far more entranced with the elaborate illusion of freedom and acceptance than he is (as she looks more ‘monstrous’ /non-human than he does—and cannot pass in society). She finds it very hard to leave this simulation and he hears her insecurities front and centre now, the ones she always hides behind a cheerfully nihilistic grin of “I’m cool! It doesn’t bother me at all!” (Narrator voice: It bothered her deeply), while she’s kind of a snotty mess after she interacts with some of simulated humans/children who don’t sneer at her, don’t pull away from her touch, don’t look at her like she’s a freak because she KNOWS it’s not real she knows it’s too good to be real she knows but is it really so bad to want this for herself? For them? And Ravage tells her that some days when things get really hard out there, it’s that he wants this for her that he continues to fight on. Because he loves her, in a fleeting and dehumanising world where every mission could be theirs last and they were all they had for years; he’s always loved her, and she deserves a world like this, a real world like this, and it’s going to be hard but they’ll get there together. And it snaps her out of it. Because it’s so hard and it’s UNFAIR and CRUEL that they should HAVE to fight so hard to just be seen as worthy of personhood… but Soundwave fights for them, and Ravage fights for her, and to give that real love up for something fake and easy is something she won’t do. Ravage loves her, and she will fight to love him AND herself in an imperfect, but real world, through heartache and joy both.

Dratchet: Drift. Drift already knows he definitely sees Ratchet more than a friend, and Ratchet himself is struggling with that revelation for himself, but they try to keep it professional up until near to the end of the war, when Unicron becomes a massive threat and Drift is picked by by Onyx Prime to become their champion/conduit. Now, Drift can see spirits, and lives with a one-foot-in-the-living one-foot-in-the-grave mentality ever since he survived a neath-death experience which gave him that ability, and Onyx choosing to momentarily fuse with him gives him Psychopomp abilities that allow him to 'dance between the curtain' of life and death. However, this is all very unsettling for Ratchet, who's always 'fought death' as a doctor, and he's gets upset when he tries to touch Drift before Drift goes off for a mission to rally the souls of Sentinel Prime's dead men, and his hands go right through Drift. And he hates this. He hates that Drift is like a ghost now, that they're not on the same plane. He hates that he can't help Drift if something happens there, that Drift is going where he can't follow. And he doesn't want to lose Drift for a third time. But Drift tells Ratchet that there won't be a third time, because he's been dancing with Death his entire life so much so that he might as well be the embodiment of it---all the close calls, all the lives he took, all the souls he's attempted to help find peace in atonement---but every time he steps too close to the edge of the abyss, it's always been Ratchet who'd given him back his will to live and who'd shown him the value of a life when he'd become almost desensitized to it. And he'll do just that. Live. Death's call for him to take that final step and wear its mantle may be strong, but he'll fight to live and fight to come back to you because he loves you, Ronan Chase--the literal embodiment of Life and what it means to fight for it, in his eyes--and Death can wait a little longer, because his last dance will be with you. He manages to focus and phase himself back whole so he can kiss the knuckles of Ratchet's hands--these hands which saved him more times than he can count--before Ratchet pulls him in for a proper kiss and holds him to his word, because we have a lot to talk about, so come home to him when you're done.

[samijey]

I still can't get over how SAD/STRESSDD Sami looked sitting there (waiting for Jey, we all know). Then how relieved/happy he looked by looking at Jey. He knew with a LOOK. so romantic coded. I see you WWE.

No joke, this one part of the exchange has been playing on a loop in my head ever since it happened:

The apparently casual staging of the scene with Sami sitting and looking down only to look up and maintain eye contact for a long stretch before looking down again and back up almost bashfully? The way his jaw moves as if he's considering whether or not to actually smile?

Meanwhile Jey's firmly rooted in place, clearly waiting for something - an argument, a plea, validation, just something! He likely doesn't know what he wants in this moment, but the fact is that his feet are glued to the floor because whatever it is that he wants to see and/or hear feels important enough to waste these precious seconds before going out to the ring to make the most important decision of his career (arguably his life, if we go deep into the implications of the story). And the way he visibly exhales?? There's none of the usual distressed face/eye rubbing from Jey here because he's already made up his mind and Sami is offering nothing but quiet, unwavering support.

In the grand scheme of things, does Jey's character need Sami's approval? No, but the story makes continuous efforts in presenting Sami as a vital piece of Jey's journey in breaking free from the Bloodline - I said months ago in another post that this story was about Jey losing his soul and having to fight to get it back while being helped along by Sami and look what happened. I know it's easy to downplay Sami's importance in all this because people feel like it devalues Jey's character arc - personally, I see absolutely no problem in having your tragic hero find some solace in another character who has partially experienced the same pains they have, and Sami is the perfect character to play that role since his support is so selfless and comes with no attachments - which is the complete opposite of the kind of love TC!Roman offers - with him, you're expected to be subservient because Roman is currently stuck in a pit of paranoia and insecurity (and seeing him fight to overcome that in the future is going to be amazing, but that's a whole other topic).

At the end of the day, Jey clearly spelled out to the audience the crux of his character arc with Sami months ago - "You saw the good in me the whole time and you never gave up on me". That line not only explained to us why Jey had grown to love Sami enough to the point of standing up to Roman to protect him, but it also offered foreshadowing to what was to be their dynamic post-Royal Rumble.

And now? We've come full circle and there's no more need for words.

[antiquatedsimmer]

Eddy and the woman settled at a table next to the window, the rhythmic pattern of raindrops against the glass creating a soothing ambiance. The woman leaned in, her voice carrying over the sound of the downpour.

" Mr?…." the woman paused giving Eddy a moment to introduce himself. " Edward. " Eddy spoke stiffly.

"Mr. Edward," the woman began, her voice laced with a hint of uncertainty. Edward leaned in attentively, eager to hear her thoughts. "As an outsider in this quaint town, I find myself struggling to fit in, especially as a working woman in a teaching profession," she confessed, her gaze searching for understanding in Edward's eyes.

Edward nodded empathetically, acknowledging the challenges she faced in a community rooted in traditional values. The rain continued to beat against the window, creating a backdrop of melancholic ambiance to their conversation.

With a touch of trepidation, she continued, "If I choose to assist you in finding Helena will you help me in return? will you make sure not to jeopardize my position and standing in this town? Will you not tarnish my reputation as a school teacher?"

Eddy leaned closer, his voice a hushed whisper, as if sharing a carefully guarded secret. " I assure you, my intentions are not to expose or harm Helena in any way. Tell me what you need. "

The woman leaned closer, her voice barely above a whisper, her words almost drowned out by the other patrons speaking in the bar.

"I need support, I'll tell you where Helena is IF you help me put in the effort to promote education for young boys AND girls here in Henford." she said, her tone laced with a tinge of anxiety.

Eddy nodded, his eyes fixed on her, Catching up with Helena turned out to be more dramatic than expected, and Eddy can't deny he was a traditional man himself, women wanting to work just seemed silly to him... but a little education for children can't be a bad thing.

The rain continued to drum against the window, serving as a constant reminder of the clandestine nature of their conversation.

"I... alright I can do that" Eddy replied

Rosella's smile wavered, replaced by a tinge of sadness. "My name is Rosella," she introduced herself, her voice carrying a hint of melancholy. "I am Finchwicks' only school teacher. "

Eddy's gaze softened, recognizing the weight of her words. He could sense the underlying struggle, the hardship that had befallen their small community.

"Times have been tough for all of us," Rosella continued, her voice tinged with disappointment. "And sometimes, survival demands unconventional measures."

Understanding dawned on Edward as Rosella's words hung in the air. She carried a burden of shame, a secret life intertwined with the necessity to make ends meet.

Rosella's voice trembled with a mixture of vulnerability and regret. "I have resorted to taking occasional customers, seeking financial means to support my teaching and maintain a modest living. There exists a seedy Room & Board business, hidden amidst the houses of Finwick, just south of here. Each time I ventured there, Helena was there too."

Edward's eyes widened, his mind racing with the implications of Rosella's revelation. The puzzle pieces began to fall into place, revealing a clandestine world lurking beneath the surface of their seemingly idyllic town.

Rosella's gaze held a hint of firmness, a resolute determination. "In a town where nothing happens, gossip becomes the lifeblood of entertainment. Women are expected to remain confined within the walls of their homes," she expressed, her voice carrying a tinge of defiance. "All I ask is that you keep my secret and the truth hidden within it. My sole objective is to preserve the existence of my school, to ensure the future of education in this place."

Eddy's nod conveyed his understanding and unwavering commitment. "You have my word, Rosella," he assured her earnestly. " I reside in Bramblewood, and you are welcome to visit anytime. Your secret is safe with me."

With a tip of his hat, Eddy turned and made his way in the direction of the business called The " Zum Whol. "

[rayhantochtli]

Hermits I'm watching this season

[watercolor-hearts]

Lando about collaborating with Herend Porcelain for his 2024 Hungarian GP helmet

“To race in this helmet is very special, because there hasn't been many occasions when I made a helmet with someone, especially not with a brand like Herend that's been making pretty incredible things like this for a long time. It's really special to me. The fact that I can race with this hopeful means that I'll drive faster thanks to it. Last year we were close to winning, we finished second, so hopefully this time I can make a step forward, and it'd be nice if I could not only bring home this helmet but a new Herend trophy, too.”

Source: Herendi Porcelánmanufaktúra Zrt. – Facebook

[prettyboybun]

I am genuinely always thinking about being one of a pair of subs. I'm the obedient bunny, he's the bratty puppy.

Our dom has us kneel for him in the living room after having teased us all day. "Alright, listen, sweet things. I know you're all riled up for me, but I need to go to the store. When I get back, I'll use you both properly, okay?"

We nod, my pup partner squirming already, wiggling his hips. Our dom continues, "You are NOT to touch yourselves until I get back. Got it?"

I nod sweetly, and get my hair ruffled affectionately in return. My sub partner, on the other hand, bites his lip with a glint in his eye, nodding slowly. You could almost hear the cogs turning. Our dom partner gives him a look, but inevitably ruffles his hair as well. "Okay. I'll be back soon, I promise."

We sit still and kneel in the living room until the front door closes and we hear him driving away. Suddenly, my partner pounces on top of me. He's already rutting against my thigh and pressing kisses all over my face and neck.

"B-But," I gasp, "Sir, he said to- He wants us to-"

"I know, baby boy, but I need you so bad right now, he's not gonna have to know," He says, against my neck, "You like this, don't you?"

I groan, "Yes, of course I do, I want you so bad... but I wanna be good for sir..."

"Just don't touch yourself, sweetheart. That's what he said, right? Don't touch yourselves? I'm sure that means I can touch you."

I ponder it for a little bit. Eventually, I nod, biting my lip. I'm still unsure if this is going against sir's wishes, but feeling my puppy boyfriend rutting against me, lips on my neck... It just feels too good after a whole morning of teasing and denial.

Puppy leans up and whispers in my ear, "Good boy." I shiver, hairs standing on end.

I let him manhandle me roughly into the position he wants, which turns out to be frotting our tdicks together. I'm laying on the floor, pinned, whimpering, feeling a little guilty at technically disobeying, but mostly lost in the pleasure.

My puppy looks down at me and says, "Don't cum, either, bunny. You have to wait til sir gets back for that one, definitely."

I nod, breathless. Then I open my eyes and look at him questioningly, "What about you?"

He smirks and rakes his claws down the center of my chest, leaving four pretty red scratches. I moan, and he says, "I can take whatever he's gonna dish. Don't you worry your pretty little head- After all, who's making the rules right now?"

I whimper, "Y-You, sir."

"Good boy."

We stay like that, him roughly grinding into me as I whine and moan beneath him. Eventually, though, the door opens, and I gasp and try to squirm out of my puppy's grip. We weren't supposed to still be playing when he got back. But puppy isn't relenting, he's still rocking his hips sharply against me.

"What do we have here?" Our dom says, a little amused. He surely would have guessed this would happen.

Puppy grunts as he continues grinding on me, "Welcome back, sir." I look at him and he's looking him dead in the eyes, smirking.

"Oh, puppy. Just couldn't wait, could you?" Sir sets down the grocery bags on a table, and walks over and picks pup off me with ease.

I start scrambling to sit up, but my dom presses his boot to my chest and gently lays me back down. "Still, bun, stay here. Let me deal with our boy and then I'll be back for you, okay?" I nod, looking up at him with soft eyes. "There's a good boy."

For a little while, behind me, I hear struggling, teasing, and soft moans. Then, my dom comes back over to me and lifts me up into his arms, walking us over to his armchair. This is when I see that our puppy is tied up spread open on the couch, gagged, but noticeably drippy and empty. Sir sits me down in his chair on his lap, facing puppy.

"Spread your legs, bunny," He murmurs into my ear. I do as he asks immediately, earning a quiet, "Good boy..." In response.

I turn my head to look at him and start saying, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to disobey, I-"

He shushes me, petting my hair, "Oh, bunny, that's not your fault. I know you need touched, puppy just decided that it was his responsibility to do so. Isn't that right, pup?"

Puppy says something in snarky defiance, surely, muffled against his gag. "Exactly. I know you're my good boy, bun. That's why I'm gonna overstimulate you on my lap right now while your pup watches and can't do anything about it." My eyes widen, starry. I see that sir is smirking at puppy. Our pup squirms and growls against his bonds.

I lean back against our dom's chest, also looking at puppy as I begin to have my tdick touched, softly at first. Then, he applies pressure, making me moan quietly. Teasingly, he uses his fingers to spread my bunnycunt open on display at pup.

"Doesn't he look so pretty like this, puppy?" At this point, our pup is ravenously trying to get out of his bonds, but he's tied up too tightly. Sir adopts a fake pity tone as he says, "Aw, I know, puppy. You just wanna use him so bad, don't you?"

Sir plunges a finger inside me and curls it, making me gasp and moan loudly, "That's it, good bunny. Let every sound out, I want him to hear how good I make you feel."

I do as he asks, making obscene sounds as his fingers fuck in and out of me, thumb circling my tdick. He growls gently in my ear, "You need to tell me when you're close, okay, bunny?"

"I- um- I'm close sir, so close for you, sir," I babble, already feeling so overwhelmed with sensation.

"Cum for us, bunny. Cum all over my fingers." I clench down and shudder, crying out and cumming all over his hand. He doesnt take his fingers out, but he gives me a little bit of time to breathe before he starts fucking me again.

Eventually, I cum the same way again. Then a third, and a fourth time, stacking them back to back against each other. After I've cum five times, I'm absolutely spent. He takes his fingers out, cleans them off, and pets my hair and shoulders, letting me slump against him bonelessly.

Our puppy has given up on getting out of his restraints, but he's whining softly, looking at us with big eyes. Sir motions for me to kneel down on the floor, and I do so, a little slumped.

He walks over to puppy and plays with his dripping hole as he says, "Good boy, good puppy. You took that so well, I know that was difficult. Are you ready for your reward?" Puppy nods, frantically. "Come here, bunny, kneel in front of him."

I happily crawl over, kneeling in front of my pup, smiling softly at him. Sir takes his gag out and says, "Tell him what you want, pup. Nicely, if you would, our boy is a little overwhelmed as you might imagine."

"Pl... Please suck my tdick, bunny."

I oblige, glad to have him down my throat. He throws his head back and moans as I start to flick my tongue. Sir teases his nipples for a while, watching me service him. "Such good boys, both of you. You're both so good for me, I'm so proud of you, so proud to be your owner."

Eventually, sir takes my head and starts fucking my mouth on puppy's dick. Puppy moans louder than ever, babbling about how good it feels, thanking us both. Sir fucks my throat on it harder, growling, "That's it. Take it, take it, both of you."

I moan into his tdick, sending loud vibrations straight through him. Puppy jerks his hips up in time with my mouth bobbing on him, crying out, "Sir, I'm gonna cum!"

"Cum for me, puppy, cum down his throat," I can hear sir whisper in his ear. Pup cums explosively down my throat, covering my face in it.

Sir gently pulls my head off, as I stare off in a subspace daze. Puppy is panting, as our dom makes quick work of untying him, "Good boys. You're both so good for me, took that all so well."

He lies puppy back on the couch against him, and motions for me to lay on him as well. I jump up, eager to get snuggled after all that intense play, and he chuckles sweetly at me. Sir pets my hair when I get nestled into his embrace, "Good boy, there you go. Much better, love having both my sweet boys in my arms."

Puppy leans up to kiss me gently on the forehead. They both keep praising me and each other, and I deliver slurred praise back where I can, eventually drifting off peacefully in their safe embrace.

[nebuladreamz]

A little different than last year's, but here we are again. To say that this past year hasn't been absolutely wild would be a lie, cause HOLY SHIT MAN

This year's birthday is. A little different for me, but you already have the silly comic to show that so I won't make like a broken record oops

But, despite the changes and hills that life's decided I should climb or throw at, it hasn't changed the fact that I'm so genuinely fucking thankful to the people that I've known since joining this fandom. I'm not even kidding when I say that being here has actually changed my life for the better. I know I said something similar last year, but this time, hoo boy it sure turned up the AMP and test how far I could go.

So, to everyone, both new and old; thank you for being here :D

@garbagechocolate @darkxsoulzyx @smoljeanius @bunmuffin @skizabaa

@tuzesdays @sleepykas @fernzwing @kandidandi @starsketchez

@just-a-drawing-bean @notdysfunk @ilsole @amberluvsbugs @cloudyvoid

@nomsthecat @alfinefalf @nosleepygay @theblog-with-thestuff

@cacaocheri

(Edit: ty kibbits for informing me of the. Fuck ass tagging system)

AND TAGGING OTHERS BECAUSE. POINTS. BONKS WITH HEAD. GETTING TO EITHER INTERACT OR TALK OR WHATEVER IS ALWAYS A DELIGHT

@ohno-the-sun @kibbits @ink-yy @saltyfryz @kaprisvn

@hierba-picante @sunny-sophies-garden @cookiiemancer @sneeblbop @justaduckarts

@pepethehumanz @crystalmagpie447 @woolysstuff @mocha-illustrates @duhsty1

@sanchensky @pillowspace @victarin @witherfide

[I DEFINITELY GOT SONAS WRONG AND THESE AREN'T ALL THE SILLY PEOPLE I KNOW BUT IM SITTING HERE AT 2:30 IN THE MORNING JUST KNOW YOU'RE THERE IN SPIRIT HANDING YOU ALL POPTARTS WAUGH]

[clipartdinosaur]

Griddlehark Fics

I have read an absolutely insane amount of Griddlehark fanfics in the past few months so I figured I could make a like...list of all of my favorites that I bookmarked. I'm not sure if anyone will use this but if anything it will be for my own self-indulgence LOL. Just a heads up, this list WILL contain spoilers up to Nona the Ninth, so proceed with your own discretion. Anyway here we go!

(♥︎ = favorite!)

Short (<15k):

"By the Sword" by JeanLuciferGohard (2.6k)

The Reverend Daughter of the Ninth, Necrosaint, Ascended, the greatest bone adept in an Age, does one push-up, and collapses. Harrow does not beg for her cavalier. Harrow rakes her hair back and snarls, “Nav, I am going to unzip your cranial sutures. One by one. And zip them up again sideways.”

"Your Necro Questions Answered" by Magichorse (8.8k)

Syndicated columnist "Nav the Cav" offers a sympathetic ear to cavaliers across the galaxy and dispenses practical, no-nonsense, real talk advice on how to properly manage and care for your necromancer.

"A Lesson in Bones" by Magichorse (3.8k)

One of the laboratory trials at Canaan House compels Harrowhark to swap bodies with her cavalier. What will Gideon do with the power of the most talented bone adept in generations at her disposal? Nothing good, probably.

"Visions of Gideon" by tothewillofthepeople (13k)

Oh my god they were roommates...

"true love's kiss, or something equally nauseating" by corpsesoldier (4.6k)

She was where she needed to be. She was going to pull her necro out of this godforsaken tomb, end the game of musical bodies they were playing, and then everything would be all right. Harrow would be alive. And Gideon was going to give her shit for approximately the next myriad for not just taking what she’d offered and saving them a whole lot of trouble.

"The Big Warm Dark" by decalexas (haelstorm) (2.7k)

Gideon Nav knows how to swing a longsword, brandish a rapier, bridge the gap between life and death, punch the dead in the face, and maybe overthrow an Empire along the way. What she doesn't know how to do is reach for the girl who made all of this possible.

"carrion comfort, despair (not feast on thee)" by NotAFicWriter (5k)

Some time after Alecto wakes, Harrow and Gideon finally have a moment to speak to one another. Hearts are bared. Teeth are bared. Intentions are bared. It all comes at great personal cost (emotional honesty).

"never exhale all the way" by pigflight (1.2k)

Harrowhark paints Gideon's face.

"such an almighty sound" by CountingNothings (10k)♥︎

“I need you to marry me,” Harrow says, a propos of absolutely nothing that Gideon can see. And, uh, okay, this is not what childhood best frenemies say to each other upon discovering that both of their graduate programs have weird residence requirements. “What,” Gideon asks, “the fuck?”

"A Handsomely Dangerous Thing" by zoicite (1.5k)

Had Harrow ever looked at Gideon and felt pride before? Surely not. It sat like a tumor in her chest, a cancerous lump that had grown where it did not belong.

"How it didn't happen" by Nary (1.5k)

"How did you lose it?" Coronabeth asked, more softly than her sister's shrill voice. The group assembled at Canaan House barely knew her, and yet here they were, asking the most irritatingly personal questions, and acting as if they were being kind and thoughtful by prying into her secrets. "I dropped my pen into a vat of acid and reached in to grab it without thinking," Harrow said dryly. Coronabeth recoiled, screwing up her pretty nose. Ianthe looked unsure whether to believe her or not. Their meatslab of cavalier just stared blankly. "The Daughter of the Ninth House was blessed in this manner from her birth, as a symbol of her strength and power over the mysteries of necromancy," Ortus interjected. Harrow glared at him. "Oh," Coronabeth said, an expression of disgusting sympathy on her flawless face. "But then you would never have known who your soulmate was!" Harrow's glare intensified. "My soulmate is bones."

"Halcyon Nights" by Morike91 (10k)

It was hard to tell what was worse: feeling the full warmth of those unguarded honey eyes fall on Harrow, or watching them narrow in recognition and contempt, their warmth now hotter with something else.  “What can I get you?” It has been at least four years since Harrow last heard the voice of Gideon Nav, but it was still as familiar as her right hand. 

"I completely fucking hate you" by ClaraZorEl (7.5k)

In the coming weeks, Harrowhark learns an unfortunate great deal about Gideon Nav. The kind of porn she likes, the number of bread rolls she can fit into her mouth at once, that she always leans too heavily on her left leg when she fights but can do fifty-seven push-ups in a row without stopping, that her biceps rates 11/10 on the scale of good biceps, that her laugh rumbles like an army of skeletons, and most importantly, that she can’t fucking stand her. Gideon Nav is so grating that Harrow has no doubt she will be her undoing. OR Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been invited to Canaan University's ball. But to successfully represent her house, she needs a cavalier, and unfortunately, her only option is her least favourite barista from her least favourite coffee shop.

"A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them" by pipistrelle (7k)

"In the end, she poisoned Ortus; so it was Harrow Nova who walked out to the shuttle a half-step behind the Daughter of the Ninth, the chain of Samael Novenary wound about her offhand wrist, the black blade of the Ninth at her side."

"The Only Prayer We Know" by pipistrelle (12k) [Part 2 of "A Thousand Teeth, Yours Among Them"]

It's like a bad joke: two cavaliers (alive) and two necromancers (one dead) walk into a rebel faction of humanity, looking for a new life -- in every sense of the phrase. What they find is each other, and (in some cases) themselves.

"The Flames of Hell Are Warm" by silverapples (7k)

In which Harrow is a repressed evangelical Christian and Gideon performs burlesque in a lesbian nightclub. Feat. nipple pasties, chewing gum, and a steaming mug of gay coffee (wake up and smell it, Harrow).

"Necro Business" by rnanqo (1.6k) ♥︎

“Gideon,” you said carefully, “I will need to examine your mouth. Various structures, primarily the jaw, but also the lingual muscles—the tongue—” You stopped there. Your cheeks were going red, probably with indignity. “Yeah,” I said, a bit too loudly, “yeah, sure. Do it.”

"Holy Cross, Alaska" by softieghost (10k) ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Harrow meets Gideon. They go through it together.

"my love will be your armor" by TheKnightsWhoSayBook (2.3k)

"The princess has a right to bestow her favor on whoever she wishes to win a match," Gideon tells her. "Are you going to?" "Why would I? I don't want to marry him," Harrow answers bitterly. "Do you want me to win?" Princess Harrow will be engaged to the winner of the tournament, and her only champion is her useless bodyguard Sir Gideon Nav, who isn't going to save her. Unless...?

"The Meaning Of The Word" by pipistrelle (8.4k)

Harrow, along with a good percentage of Canaan University's necromancy students, has the flu. Gideon has a lot of feelings that she is in no way equipped to handle. It's a tough week.

"(i shine only with the light you gave me)" by sashawire (1.7k) ♥︎

God prods, gently, “Even just starting with their physical description, and we can go from there.” “Imagine,” you say, from somewhere outside your body, “the worst shade of orange you’ve ever seen in your life.” * Harrowhark receives her saintly title.

"i will learn to love the shears" by corpsesoldier (4.7k)

The avulsion trial left Harrow's hair in a sorry state and Gideon offers up her expertise with a blade. Or, Gideon gives Harrow a haircut.

"The Titty Texts: A Work of a Stupendous Titty Nature" by EleniaTrexer (3k)

Gideon accidentally sends Harrow boobs. And then just keeps on sending them.

"can we start over?" by breeeliss (10k)

Gideon needs a tutor. Harrow needs someone to get her out of college gym class. All in all, a pretty straightforward arrangement to make with your ex.

"Dark Mode Enabled" by senseoftheday (12k)

Tech Company AU in which a certain Sales bro with no filter decides to ruin Harrow's life (and feature roadmap) by initiating the cross-functional project from hell. At least, Gideon has the decency to work remotely, and Harrow's new office crush makes some pretty great coffee.

"deconsecrated graves" by emotionsandphenomena (4k)

Gideon and Harrow got out of the cult they were raised in. Okay, what's next?

"settle up in heaven" by liesmyth (3k) ♥︎

“Isn’t this arrogance, Harrow?” Kiriona says. “Think you could fix what God couldn’t?”

"Quoth the Maiden" by Sarsaparilla (10.9k)

The bold outlaws Nova Hawk and Gideon meet for the first time on a narrow log-bridge. But is it really their first meeting? Or: what if Robin Hood and Little John were both lesbians?

"twice in a blue moon" by sinshine (8.7k) ♥︎

Gideon snapped out of her depressing reverie and blinked at her. "That's a really good idea." "Obviously," said Harrow, and it was only a little bit condescending. "Step one, sneak out of the party. Step two, acquire the necessary items at a store. Step three–" Harrow gestured vaguely at the deer in Gideon's hands– "And step four, profit." [G&H rush to fix a smashed snow globe that Dulcinea made so that Cam doesn't kill them before the clock strikes midnight at their NYE party. The fact that Gideon is back in her hometown after a long time away and she and Harrow have unresolved romantic tension is secondary and definitely won't be a problem.]

"It Came From Planet Slut" by LockedTombMemes (8k)

Well. Evidently going undercover to an Idan society fling in order to deliver a message to a high-profile BoE agent was a tits-out kind of look.

"Apostate's Yuletide" by sinshine (12.6k)♥︎

Gideon raised one eyebrow comically high. She smiled easily, erasing any hint of the anxiety that Harrow might have sensed. "What's with all the questions today?" Harrow huffed indignantly and fidgeted with the blanket draped across her lap, worrying the frayed hem with her fingers. "I thought your ego would appreciate the interest." "Yeah, but it's weird coming from you. I'm used to you monologuing, not playing twenty questions." "Perhaps it's a Christmas miracle," suggested Harrow, with an expression so absolutely devoid of joy that Gideon couldn't help but laugh. [Harrow and Gideon burn down a church on Xmas.]

"when it's over" by Adertily (2.5k)

Harrowhark had sworn to herself to live to see the girl in the locked tomb awaken. Alecto has risen. Now God is dead, along with everyone who had ever been dear to her - and Gideon has returned as a distorted creature. The war is over. Harrow wishes she could be too. Or: A character study based on Harrow's suicidal ideation and Gideon's determination to never run anywhere unless she absolutely has to.

"Supernova Bloom!" by sinshine (13k)

"It's just for a week, and then you never have to see me again," said Gideon. "I don't have time to find anyone else." And, "Please." Slowly, Harrow took her hand off the door and cautiously turned around. Gideon watched a dozen unspoken questions flicker across her face. She voiced none of them, but eventually settled on an expression of grim resignation. "I suppose I could suffer you for a week." [Gideon needs help getting her new flower shop ready for the grand opening. Harrow needs cash.]

"I still need your teeth around my organs" by sinshine (7.8k)

Although she was a beloved Daughter and a talented necromancer, Gideon's greatest vice was that she dearly loved to fuck around and find out. Knowing this, perhaps it shouldn't have been as shocking when she lifted one of Nova's hands, flipped it over, and kissed her palm. [4 times Gideon kisses Harrow, 1 time Harrow kisses Gideon]

"cuckoo, cuckoo" by sashawire (1.2k)

What Wake gives it is not a name. To do so would be a moronic, unnecessary cruelty. But she does deign to give it the microscopic dignity of a title, a goal, a purpose. Bomb. Eighteen years later, in the rubble of a once-sacred home, Harrowhark Nonagesimus reaches up and touches Gideon Nav’s grit-covered, blood-rimed face, splits a laugh like the world is ending, and calls her “flower.” * Six times God's unwanted daughter was nicknamed, and once she wasn't.

"my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear" by sashawire (<1k) ♥︎

Gideon chomps into her tongue as hard as she can convince herself, stifling a very dignified squawk. Her eyes water, Emperor’s left tit that fucking hurts, but—it works. Blood weeps from the bite marks, creeping down the back of her throat, up into her nasal cavity, staining her teeth. Okay. She has blood in her mouth. Blood that, somehow, needs to get into Harrow’s mouth. * Step #6: Consume the flesh.

"fifteen percent concentrated power of will" by surreptitiously (9k)

Teaching someone to do a push-up is a love language, when that person is very annoying.

"GHAZAL WHERE I'M BEGGING YOU TO TOUCH ME" by igneousbitch (12k)

You had your body and I had mine, and it was a miracle. Your hands against my face were a miracle. The rest of your meat attached to your hands was a prayer answered and a promise broken, but we were flush and gasping and alive, and Harrow—I really thought you might’ve kissed me then. But I felt it happen. The way your breath suddenly stilled, and your body locked up beneath mine, remembering. How with splintering gentleness, you pushed me away. “I’m so sorry,” was the second thing you said upon waking. The first thing had been my name. Stranded in a safehouse on an Edenite moon, Gideon and Harrow try to put themselves back together.

"catch you on the flip side, sugar lips" by corpsesoldier (4.9k)

Maybe if Harrow's brain runs enough scenarios, she'll find a way to keep what she's lost.

"hand to heart, I swear" by corpsesoldier (5k)

Gideon has a broken heart, and there's only one necromancer who can fix it.

Medium (15-30k)

"If you're doing it right you'll break their ribs" by almostnectarine (22.4k)

"How do you know Nonagesimus has gone somewhere dangerous?" asked Isaac. "Have you wired some kind of alert system?" "It's, uh. It's on the schedule," said Gideon. "I just... forgot. Because of the bread." Nobody was convinced by this, least of all Gideon. "It's a Ninth House thing," Gideon went on, backing away with increasing desperation. This was a slightly more plausible explanation, if only because nobody wanted to look too closely at what fell under the awful skeletal-ribbed and rotting umbrella of Ninth House things. "Gotta go—!" And she was out the door, gone. But it wasn't a Ninth House thing, except inasmuch as it was happening to the only two representatives of the noble and decrepit Ninth House on this quite literally godforsaken rock. Gideon knew Harrow had gone somewhere dangerous—knew that Harrow was back in the lab where they had only just completed a horrible trial—because she could see it, clear as day: an awful overlay on her vision of that terrible dangerous room and a pair of terrible dangerous hands drawing some kind of ward next to the plinth. The hands were definitely Harrow's. This was definitely a problem.

"If Home Is Where the Heart Is (Then We're All Just Fucked)" by JeanLuciferGohard (17k) ♥︎

When Gideon Nav gets a call that her ex-girlfriend, who never bothered to change her designated emergency contact, is in the hospital, she goes against her better judgement and responds. Everything after that just gets more complicated.

"blue gray green lavender" by smolranger (29k) ♥︎

Laser Radial sailor Gideon Nav just wants pass her classes, win a few regattas, and keep her head down. FJ sailor Harrowhark Nonagesimus has grand plans to qualify for the Olympics, preserve her parent's legacy, and save her home town. Despite the ties binding them together, the two have kept their college lives carefully separate for two years. But when Harrow's helm, Ortus, suffers a concussion mid-way through the fall season, their carefully separated lives collide. Harrow needs someone capable of taking Ortus' place for the remainder of the season or her Olympic dreams — and Canaan College's entire sail team — are in peril. And Gideon is her only option.

"Daughters of Hungry Ghosts" by zoicite (24k)

Harrow and Gideon and times they have (and also have not) shared a bed over the years.

"Disney World, Florida" by softieghost (24.6k) [Part 2 of "Holy Cross, Alaska"]

After the events of Alaska, Harrow thanks Gideon the only way she knows how: devotion. -- Chapter 3: The journey concludes. More confessions.

"we've got a good thing goin' " by sinshine (14.6k) ♥︎

“Not to sound ungrateful, but being here makes me wish that you had left me for dead,” said Harrow. Gideon had been staring hard at the face of the fountain’s statue. She was pretty sure that it was carved in the likeness of Naberius himself, but she didn’t want to say it out loud and make it true. She shook her head and turned to Harrow. “Leaving me to live out eternity in your bony sock puppet of a body? Hard pass.” Palamedes and Camilla shared a look. It was the mutual understanding of two people who had been trapped in close quarters with the bickering of Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus for far too long. [Team 69 hide out in Babs's vacation home. Because it's not like he's using it anyway.]

"Cake by the Ocean" by zoicite (15k)♥︎

Okay, so the thing was, Gideon had always been shit at plans. She knew that. Everyone knew that, but this--she really didn’t think it would be this hard! Gideon’s voice was like the least memorable thing about her. Bargaining her voice for a well-shaped set of human legs--that really should have worked in her favor.

"careful fear and (un)dead devotion" by sinshine (23k)

[Gideon and Harrow wake up back in their own bodies but both of them are missing large parts of their memory. Camilla tries not to kill everyone.]

"who ya gonna call?" by igneousbitch (24k)

“Fret not, honeybun.” Gideon shook her red hair out of her eyes, belligerent. “I’m not totally sold on your whole skepticism thing.” “Well,” Harrow said, ignoring the nickname. She turned to the rest of the room, clearing her throat politely before addressing the empty air. “Ghosts, if you’re real, give us a sign. Make a noise. Move something. Send a shiver down our backs. Whisper softly into Nav’s left ear—” “I seriously fucking hate you.” - (Casual sex and paranormal investigation. Not necessarily in that order.) (or: the Buzzfeed Unsolved AU in which Gideon is ready to fight a ghost, and Harrow just wants to be haunted.)

Long(>30k):

"Beneath a Blue and Foreign Sky" by zoicite (35k)

Harrow has a decision to make.

"A Heart Full Of Sutures" by Rohad (40k)

All Gideon wanted was to get outside and ride her motorcycle. No part of that plan had included eight weeks in Canaan Medical Center with a broken Pelvis and the meanest little doctor this side of the eastern seabord.

"Midnight at the Mithraeum" by zoicite (66k) ♥︎

It'd been two years since Gideon Nav gathered her wine key and her gaming license and escaped The Locked Tomb, a speakeasy-style cocktail bar managed by the hateful Harrowhark Nonagesimus. Now, dealing tables at The Mithraeum Hotel & Casino, things were really looking up. So when Gideon scored a date with the most beautiful showgirl in the Gilded Halls of Ida, the last thing she expected was to wake up married to her old nemesis and former coworker. The story starts the night of Gideon's date and alternates between the events leading up to the wedding and the weeks that follow as Gideon tries to navigate life married to someone who claims to want nothing more than to forget she exists.

"Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" by pipistrelle (90k)

Being the journal of Reverend Daughter Harrowhark Nonagesimus, chronicling the journey of the Emperor's warship Cenotaph on its hunt to slay an immortal Resurrection Beast. Or: the Moby Dick crossover AU that nobody asked for.

"The Darkest Night, The Brightest Light" by eternaleponine (50k)

Harrowhark has known for a long time that her home's financial situation is dire, and not getting better. She has plans to fix it all, but can't implement them until she turns eighteen in a few months. When her parents announce that the best (perhaps only) way to save Drearburh is to marry off its heir, Harrow realizes the timeline has changed and she needs to take action now to save her home... and herself. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Enter Gideon Nav. Detested foe, and Harrow's only hope.

"putting your fist through a thick sheet of glass (i know you don't want to)" by oretsev (46k)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus and Gideon Nav have always been at each other’s throats, and the animosity has only intensified since the death of Harrow’s parents. But when a car accident leaves Gideon without any memories of her past, Harrow sees a chance at the clean slate she’s wanted for years. Becoming involved in Gideon’s recovery assuages some of the guilt, but as she and Gideon become closer and increasingly involved in each other's lives, Harrow worries that some of her secrets may be more than she can atone for.

Ongoing:

"semi-charmed kinda life" by strangedelight (182k+) ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Gideon asked questions. Harrow surprised her with answers. They reached an agreement; they decided to be smart, to be patient. Gideon made a promise, Harrow gave her one in return. Wait and see. OR the year is 1994, and Gideon and Harrow leave their small town for life in the city. OR team 69 roommates au only this time it's the 90s

"Intern the Sixth" by apocalypticTaco (33k+)

ADDRESSING THE HEIR TO THE NINTH HOUSE, OR PRESUMED EQUIVALENT: PALAMEDES SEXTUS, HEIR TO THE SIXTH HOUSE, PRESENTS HIS COMPLIMENTS TO THE NINTH AND REQUESTS A FORMAL ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN HIS MASTER WARDEN AND CAVALIER APPRENTICESHIP UNDER THE NINTH FOR FOUR YEARS IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SIXTH’S SERVICES. *Details to be discussed. Please turn to back page. Timeframe variable. Services and agreements variable upon the Ninth's request. An internship of this caliber is highly unprecedented and likely unheard of, but any information valuable to the Ninth and into the Tomb will remain undisclosed upon request; Primary experience and study is required as the Master Warden has already decided upon such being his final thesis prior to his end studies. No takebacks, no denials. Pleased to meet you. Palamedes Sextus, Heir to the Sixth and Master Warden and Camilla the Sixth, Cavalier Primary and Warden's Hand of the Library

TO THE MASTER WARDEN: FORMALLY REJECTED.

"What's Eating Gideon Nav?" by labyrinthineRetribution (40k+)

After a miserable fifteen years at Blessed Saint Anastasia's School for Girls, Gideon's luck finally changes.

"We Have Always Lived in the Apartment" by labyrinthineRetribution (171k+)

John looks up from his Jack and Coke in drunken curiosity. "What's with the face, Harrowhark?" he asks, genuinely concerned. "Contrary to popular belief," Gideon butts in, "her face just fuckin' looks like that, bitch." She tends to use "bitch" as liberally as commas when off her ass. "You're piss drunk," you shoot back. "And you, my good bitch, are just as contemptible as the day you clawed your way up from Hell." - It is Harrowhark Nonagesimus' birthday, and it only gets worse from there.

PWP (basically):

"I'll hold in these hands all that remains" by corvidlesbian (6.5k) ♥︎

“Do you want me to try?” Gideon said. “What?” “You got all hot and bothered without me trying. Do you want me to try?” Their newfound habit of cuddling gets interesting.

"sting of a wasp" by brightbolt, imperfectlyctor (42k) ♥︎

"You’re a virgin,” Gideon said, testing it out. "Huh." Harrow didn’t like the sound of that huh. She knew Gideon’s noises, and that was a thoughtful, sinister huh. That was the same huh she’d made before putting canned tuna in Crux’s work boots. Her eyes narrowed. “What.” Gideon cocked her head to the side. “Is there a reason you’re waiting?” There was no judgement in the question— only genuine curiosity. Perhaps it was this that made Harrow more inclined to answer. “I don’t have the time to look for someone new,” She shrugged. “And my available pool is… somewhat limited.” “Well,” Gideon said, with just a hint of conspiracy in those glittering golden eyes. “If you ever want to change that, you have my number.” What? What? Harrow blinked. “What?” Or: the five times Gideon and Harrow successfully bone, and the one time they don't.

"Suckle, Honey" by zoicite (7.9k)

“You crave my juice,” Gideon accused. “I do not crave your juice.” “Fuck, you do though. You went off to explore that study alone, without your cavalier, using a key that I nearly gave my life for, and then you snorted some powder that made you crave my juice! Harrow. I never would have let you sniff powder from a ten thousand year old jar.” This was untrue--Gideon probably wouldn’t have noticed Harrow breathing in a puff of jar powder until it was too late--but it sounded like something Camilla Hect might say, so Gideon went with it anyway. Camilla definitely would have stopped Palamedes from accidentally sniffing old as fuck Eighth House jarred juice addiction powder.

"Five Times We Hatefucked and One Time We Didn't" by rnanqo (8k)

“Fuck you,” you said. “Fuck me yourself, you coward.” You ran a hand through my hair, fisted it, and pulled my head up. From here I had a spectacular view of your weird blown-out seething expression, like I was the worst thing you’d ever seen. Also a view up your blood-crusted nostrils. Choice. “Maybe I will, Griddle,” you said. “Maybe I will stop fucking you over and start fucking you." Gideon and Harrow realize, abruptly, that their hatefucking is no longer hatefucking.

"a call to motion" by groundedsaucer (coasterchild) (10k) ♥︎

Harrow and Gideon watch a porno.

"put her canine teeth in the side of my neck" by stranded_star (8.8k)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus is getting a PhD and a divorce. Against her better judgment, she goes out to the bar to celebrate and meets an incorrigible, absolutely ripped salt-and-paprika butch who takes her home and gives it to her good. To her horror, it's the best night of her life, and she sneaks home with her tail between her legs. Harrow has more important things to worry about - like raising her daughter and building the next stages of her career. But when her daughter's favorite teacher, someone named Griddle, turns about to be the Gideon she met at the bar, she's forced to contend with allowing herself (and her daughter) to find the happy ending she never thought they'd have. Featuring MILF!Harrow, Teacher!Gideon, and a very amused Camilla Hect.

"The Wound That Swallows" by seelieunseelie (7.8k)

Harrow can make out an uncomfortable amount of detail about Gideon’s body beneath. Powerful, strong as ever, yet somehow vulnerable for its supplication below Harrow’s. “Are we gonna get this over with?” Gideon says in a voice softly scratchy. She blushes then when Harrow sits on the edge of the bed. “It will hurt,” Harrow says. “Yeah,” Gideon says. “I think I can handle it.”

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript -

Gabriel : *heavy breathing and grunting* Bastard. 

Useless bucket of bolts. Yeah, you better run!

Load back to your- Ah shit, that was hard. Load back to your little checkpoint.

Yeah, go ahead. Go P rank the other levels. 

Oh… I’m sorry. Can-can-can I? Excuse me, can I help you?

Columbo : Oh, uh, hi there. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.

Uh, I’m looking for somebody. 

Uh, Gabriel is it? Is that you? Is that who I’m lookin for?

Listen, I just gotta say, you did an amazing job uh… Fighting off that uh. 

What’d ya-what’d ya call it?

Uh, you called it a… 

Gabriel : A mere object?

Columbo : That’s right. A mere object. 

Phenomenal work. 

I gotta tell ya. Robots, I don’t trust em myself. 

Ya know, I had-I had this one episode where uh, there was this robot named Rob and uh-

Gabriel : Uh, yes. 

That’s very fascinating, but could you perhaps get on with your introduction? 

Columbo : Uh, certainly. So I’m, uh, I’m lieutenant Columbo. Uh, I’m with the LAPD. Uh, I'm in the homicide department. 

Gabriel : Homicide? You can’t kill a machine. 

Columbo : No no no! Of course not. But um… Well… Ya can certainly love one.

Gabriel : D-d-d-detective I- I don’t- I don’t know what you’re implying there with that statement!

As you can tell I… Despise machines and wouldn’t think about doing so- Loving them, I mean.

Columbo : Yes, of course uh. Absolutely, it’s completely unthinkable. 

Except, well. While I was- while I was over here and I opened this door and uh fourteen- fourteen V1 body pillows fell out. Along with a buncha the plushies. 

Uh, and I just can’t imagine how ya- how ya happened upon something like that by accident.

It’s a little ridiculous! Uh, frankly.

Gabriel : Uh, no no no, listen.  

Detective. I can explain, okay? 

Those belong to- uh! That guy over there! 

*Filth-like scream*

Gabriel : Yeah! A real freak! 

Some kinda pervert. I don’t know why we keep him around.

But uh, I-I have nothing to do with it. 

Columbo : Well, ya see, I would believe- I would believe that, but uh. 

It’s just that- Well we had the boys at the lab run these pillows and we found your cum- We found your DNA all over em, uh.

You’re-You’re under arrest, I’m killing you.

Gabriel : K-hah. Kill me? *laughs*

Oh detective. 

Columbo : Oh. Aw fuck.

Gabriel : I’m afraid you’ve made a grave mistake. 

Because, in fact… What is going to happen instead…

Is actually what I’m gonna- AHHHG MOTHERFUCKER

I’LL FUCKIN KILL YOU

SON OF A BITCH 

AHHG YOU BASTARD

I’LL RIP YOU APART 

PIECE OF SHIT

YOU FUCK

ASSHOLE

BITCH

*Grunting* 

Oh Shit. 

Oh. What have I done? 

V1 : Bro, tell me you didn’t just kill a fucking cop.

Gabriel : The law will be here any second now… 

Machine, flush the drugs.

V1 : No way, bro. Let’s smoke that.

Gabriel : All of it?!?

Hm… One last ride…

Well, alright.

*coughing his lungs out*

V1 : No Gabriel, holding it in doesn’t do anything!

*Gabriel continues to cough his lungs out*

End of transcription

Audio source part 1

Audio source part 2

[rithmeres]

1 & 2. game shows touch our lives by the mountain goats | 3 & 4. goodbye by cage the elephant | 5. game shows touch our lives by the mountain goats | 6. just one yesterday by fall out boy | 7. jesus christ by brand new | 8. for the widows in paradise, for the fatherless in ypsilanti by sufjan stevens | 9. no hard feelings by the avett brothers | 10. john 15:13 | 11. learning how to die by jon foreman | 12. nothing fades like the light by orville peck | 13. amen by amber run | 14. goodbye by cage the elephant | 15. futile devices by sufjan stevens | 16. john my beloved by sufjan stevens | 17. devil's backbone by the civil wars | 18. the iliad trans. emily wilson | 19. "the thing is" by ellen bass | 20. woke up new by the mountain goats | 21. john 11:35 | 22. heartbreaker by autoheart | 23. he was a friend of mine - traditional american folk song | 24. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens | 25. "poem" by langston hughes

[originalartblog]

Tumblr Year in Review (knockoff edition because they didn't do it this year and I still want to track my stuff)

I posted 251 times in 2023

That's 141 more posts than 2022!

My Top Posts in 2023:

#5

4610 notes - Posted February 2, 2023

#4

4885 notes - Posted March 18, 2023

#3

5254 notes - Posted November 12, 2023

#2

5895 notes - Posted August 5, 2023

My #1 post of 2023

6338 notes - Posted September 22, 2023

top posts found through jetblackcode

[boltlightning]

the blade is folded steel. that’s gold filigree laid into the handle. if i may — perfectly balanced. the tang is nearly the full width of the blade.

[ladylightning]

supernatural s2 is SO GOOD because every decision has more weight because the after life is still unknown to us. we know there is something after death but we don't know quite what that is. the season starts with tessa the reaper begging dean to come with her. to where? she cannot say. when john dies it’s devastating to the brothers that he’s no longer here but elsewhere. but it’s even more devastating as they come to the slow realization that elsewhere is probably hell, whatever that looks like. sam and dean don't know anything more than the audience does about hell.

there is an effort to exorcise the possessed and save them instead of letting them die because there is no promise of heaven to be made. the ghost in roadkill wants to know what happens when she crosses over and sam and dean just don’t know. where do the monsters go when they die? are there angels? is there a god? sam and dean don’t know. sam more than anything wants to believe. and secretly dean does too. but they just don’t know.

when sam dies where does he go? dean doesn’t know. we never get to see it. and more than that. does dean truly believe that he would be sent to the same hereafter as his brother after everything he has done? all dean knows is that there is a way to damn your eternal soul to hell and there is a way to bring his brother back from the unknown and he will choose that path without hesitation over and over and over again.

the second the angels are introduced we lose that sense of unknown. while the stakes are higher in seasons 4-5 the second we can see behind the curtain it’s over. yes you can damn the world and start the apocalypse but at least you KNOW. you know there is an afterlife. a heaven. a hell. a hereafter. and all the people who die will end up will end up where they belong so how guilty can you feel using a demon knife to kill an innocent? how wrong is it to drain the host for blood? they’ll end up in heaven after all. no more pain. and that is how only the winchester family drama becomes important to the brothers, because they KNOW the end is not the end. there’s more than just ghosts and demons and reapers. there is a heaven. and if there is a heaven every wrong bad thing in the narrative can be brushed away by the characters or the audience as “well at least they are at peace in heaven now.” they do this to jimmy novak and ash and pamela and lord knows who else.

season 2 sam and dean don’t have this opt out. every choice they make is so much heavier because they just. don’t. know.

[muttsterion]

Happy 25yrs to Kenny's iconic face reveal and very first unmuffled line! A very special scene that still gets to me ngl. XD

[throwupyourlunch]

[nineraeix]

Started listening to tma, I am unwell.