#LMAO not me missing the word old in the start part and not realizing for days | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thisgirlnamedblusy · 20 days ago

Note

Hallo! IT'S ME AGAINNNNN!

Okay, so I was listening to a song and daydreaming, and then boom—I came up with this idea,It might not make total sense(lmao), but here we gooooo...

So, Donna and the reader are close. They’re not exactly friends, but it’s definitely more than just “a lord and a random villager.” The catch? Donna has a girlfriend whom she genuinely loves. Every time she sees the reader, she can’t help but rave about how amazing her girlfriend is, always blabbing about her personality and how great she treats Donna.

But then, They break up over something (maybe Donna finds out that Mother Miranda sent her "girlfriend" to make her feel less lonely). Donna is heartbroken, but during one of her crises, she realizes the reader is the one who ACTUALLY cares about her. So, she gets her emotions in check and starts getting close to the reader, and they eventually start dating. Donna is OVER THE MOON because, this time, she knows someone is truly in love with her, and she turns into a total hopeless romantic. She loves the reader way more than she ever loved her ex (way more than ANYONE actually)

But here’s where it gets a bit shaky: the reader sometimes feels like she's not enough because she remember all the sweet things Donna used to say about her ex. So, the reader starts putting a ton of pressure on herself, trying to be better. Donna notices right away and makes it her mission to ensure the reader never feels that way again. (You can totally ignore this part if you’re not feeling the angst, though!)

yeah that's it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, CUTIE! WISH YOU THE BEST! TSCHÜSS!

Yess!!!! Thank you for your request and for being here!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :)))))

A fake love, a real love

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Angst, fluff

Word count: 7,643

Summary: You loved her, but she didn't...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

Walking to that isolated mansion might seem like an unwanted routine, something you had to do, but you didn't like. No one could blame you if you refused that usual errand, if you refused to cross that forest, those ruins, to get closer to the home where fear itself lived.

But you, a normal villager, young, happy and without much fear of everything around you, didn't see it that way. It was a normal transaction that had been common for you since you could remember. Your parents were farmers, a profession that couldn't be missing in an isolated village like that. Fruits, vegetables... everything that could feed a person was sold and grown by them.

Naturally, they weren't the only family that provided the village with food, but it was the only one who had the privilege of doing so for important people. Your father was related to a person who had long worked in the lands of the Beneviento family. That connection with one of the four noble families was what made you never lacked work.

Your parents were providers for that strange family long before you were born, like a kind of family profession that was inherited over time. You never knew the old family that lived next to a waterfall, that made dolls to brighten up the boring life of the villagers.

When you were born, they no longer existed. Misfortune had taken its toll on that Italian family. Not even your father could quite understand what exactly happened; he was only a child when Mr. and Mrs. Beneviento decided to end their life by jumping into the void.

It was the end of their existence, but not the end of their family. They left a girl too young to bear that horrible loss, a strange girl, carrier of a terrible mental illness.

No one could have guessed what would become of that girl after the death of her family. Only Josef Simon, the family gardener, and your young father were able to discover what was left in that horrible place, which then belonged to the only daughter who survived the tragedy: the young and sick Donna Beneviento.

You didn't know much about her, only what your parents talked about from time to time. Shortly after that tragedy, the Beneviento girl closed herself off even more, spending years and years completely alone.

But that was until, one day, when the young Donna apparently decided to give up, her destiny changed forever. Mother Miranda, the priestess who claimed to have the will of the Black Gods, saw something in that young woman with black hair and a horrible scar on her face.

The young Donna, barely 32 years old, became (you didn't know if voluntarily or not) one of the four Lords, the youngest of the witch's adopted children. That was too long ago, enough for your father to know something about who he was working for.

As time went by, the cold relationship with the lady of the mansion remained as a silent alliance. Serving a noble family and then, serving a Lord… It was definitely a good change for your family.

Since you were very young, you had accompanied your parents on their deliveries and, of course, you had walked the dangerous path that led to the mansion. You barely remember what your first encounters with that strange woman, with that veiled woman, dressed in black, who never, ever said a single word, were like.

You were just a little girl, and, well, the power that Lady Beneviento had, allowed her to give life to the Angie doll. You were a little girl, Angie was a doll. It was quite evident that it caught your attention.

Little by little you began to want to go to the mansion to play with the puppet, to laugh, to have fun with its irreverent attitude. Tag, hide and seek... For a girl without too many friends like you, the Angie doll began to seem like a playmate.

That silent appreciation of the lady, and Angie's playful attitude towards you was something your parents would always be grateful for. If Angie was happy, Donna was happy, if Donna was happy, you could live another day.

Of course you weren’t immortal, you didn’t have the grace of not aging, and as time went by, you grew up enough to get bored of playing with the doll. The lady, always hidden in the shadows, began to catch your attention. She was a lonely woman, a woman you didn’t know if she even noticed you.

Already in your teens, you began to show some of your slightly more daring attitude, asking questions to the lady in black, or even sharing books with her; a silent exchange that didn't seem to bother the Lord. Due to that lack of fear the lady generated in you, unlike your parents, at only 14 years old, you were the only one in charge of delivering the orders to that lost mansion.

Getting along with Donna was perhaps an exaggeration, but, unlike most of the villagers, you didn't feel uncomfortable with her presence. Her gestures were vague, and your voice and Angie's were the only ones that could be heard.

The years passed and that strange relationship you had with the lady in black mutated little by little, until, finally, you had the privilege of hearing her hoarse voice, addressing you.

Small talks, advices, personal experiences... the conversations became more complicated as you grew up, becoming a new routine that you considered pleasant.

Donna wasn’t your friend, she never was and she never would be, but your relationship certainly couldn't be limited to what it really was. You were both quite close, you had known each other for many years, and you learned to relate in a pleasant way.

At 21, you continued working for your parents. You continued walking through that dark forest, knocking on that door, talking with the lady in black.

She had lost her fear of the unknown, of that smiling girl who brought her vegetables. The trust increased enough for Lady Beneviento to do something unthinkable, uncover her face.

Your father barely remembered what her face was like, what that young, tormented girl looked like. No one had seen that woman once adopted by Miranda, no one knew what that black veil hid, no one, except you.

Beneath the black cloth there was no hideous monster, as your companions used to say or speculate. No, there was only a beautiful woman, black and shiny hair, a beautiful eye, an existing one.

You could sense why the lady in black covered herself, but you didn't quite understand it. Donna Beneviento, Lord and doll maker, wasn't a monster, and somehow, you knew that some time ago.

You tried to convince yourself, to deny the things you were starting to feel when you were with her, but you couldn't.

That strange woman who barely spoke to you, but who smiled, who laughed at your stupid comments, was no longer just a job for you. She was no longer Lady Beneviento, she was just Donna. Without being friends you were close, and, at 21 years old, with no hope of finding love, she became the involuntary target of your heart.

You couldn't help it, you were crazy about her. It didn't matter that you knew what she was capable of, that you had heard the horrible things she did in the past, those that your parents sometimes commented on. She was everything to you, the only reason that made you smile in your hard work.

Distracted, you approached the estate with your weekly order, clumsily checking that your working girl clothes were as neatly arranged as possible.

“Ahem,” you said, clearing your throat before knocking softly on the door.

“Who is it?” a squeaky voice asked, along with small footsteps on the wood.

Behind the door was not Donna, but the doll Angie, comically opening it and looking at you suspiciously.

“Hi, Angie, how are you?” you asked, crouching down pleasantly and smiling kindly at your old playmate.

“Oh, it's you,” the doll said, placing a hand on her chest. “I thought you wouldn't come, silly.”

“Of course I came, I-I'm bringing the vegetables,” you said, pointing to the boxes. “Is Donna here?”

“Um, yes,” Angie said, leaning over the boxes and picking up some vegetables. “But… she’s kind of… busy right now.”

“Oh,” you said, feeling a dagger stab your heart slowly, painfully. “T-Then I better go and…”

“No, no, don’t go,” Angie said, tugging at your dress hastily. “Stay, stay.”

“I don’t want to disturb you,” you said in a small voice, suppressing a sob.

“Nonsense, we like you being here,” the doll said, crossing her arms. “Come, come in.”

“Angie, I don’t…” you said uncertainly, picking up the boxes and entering the mansion. “W-Wait,” you said whispering when the doll closed the door and walked away from you and towards the living room.

“Hey, you two! Stop that!” Angie shrieked, causing some annoying grunts that you tried not to hear. “(Y/N) has come! Hey, silly, come here!”

Obeying without really wanting to, you walked slowly towards the voices. Just as you feared, on Donna's lap, there was a girl, one you had known for a while, who was part of your visits to the estate.

“Oh, (Y/N), I'm glad to see you,” the lady in black said with a soft voice, standing up and straightening her dress, with a kind smile.

“Hello, Donna,” you said, with a slight blush on your cheeks, looking away from the young woman who sat up, getting up from the sofa, putting on her clothes as well. “I-I'm glad too. S-Sorry to interrupt, Angie…”

“Mm, don't worry, we were just... wasting the time,” the Lord said softly, with an embarrassed smile. “Sit down, please... would you like some tea?”

“Oh, no, I don't want to disturb,” you said kindly, moving away from the overwhelming presence of the lady, from her addictive smile. “H-Hello, Anya.”

The girl nodded with a fake smile, checking that her dress, a little flashy one, was in its place.

“How are you, (Y/N)?” the young woman said, walking beside you.

“Fine,” you said dryly, looking at the floor and not at how the girl approached Donna, planting a wet kiss on one of her cheeks, causing a shy giggle that made you tremble.

“Donna, honey, I've taken up too much of your time, I'd better get home,” Anya murmured in her ear, looking at you out of the corner of her eye.

“Are you going to leave? Why don't you stay and have some tea with (Y/N) and me?” the lady asked, gently grabbing her hand, with a pleading eye.

“I'm sorry, sweetie, but I can't,” she whispered, approaching the coat rack to pick up her clothes. “Don't worry, sweetie, see you tomorrow, mm?” she said, approaching Donna again and running a hand over her chest. “I'll let you do whatever you want to me... Don...” she whispered, discreetly making you burn and kissing the lady slowly, before moving away and walking definitively towards the exit.

“Va bene,” Donna sighed, without losing sight of her girlfriend.

“Mm, don't talk to me that weird, you know I don't understand you,” Anya said, shaking her head as she opened the door.

“I'm sorry, I mean... it's okay, see you tomorrow,” the woman in black corrected, playing nervously with her hands. “Be careful, please.”

“Of course, baby,” the girl said, before throwing a kiss in the air and closing the door, disappearing, to your relief.

That girl was a bit stupid, but your opinion was clouded by spite, so you never told Donna what you thought.

Anya had been her girlfriend for some time. You still remember the pain it caused you to hear it from her lips, to hear that there was someone who had managed to make Donna fall in love, and that it wasn't you.

Donna loved her with all her heart. She did nothing but speak wonders of that young woman from the village, who appeared by chance in her life and turned it upside down. Jealousy and rage built up in your body every time you saw her approach Donna, kiss her, caress her, but you had to suffer in silence.

Confessing your love was something for which it was too late and, even if it was just a friendship, you didn’t want to lose it, you wanted to continue seeing that beautiful woman, even if her heart never belonged to you.

“She is beautiful, isn't she?” the lady murmured when her girlfriend left, biting her lip and turning shyly.

You smiled sadly, nodding and looking at your clothes, completely different from that Anya’s, from that love-stealer.

“Yes, she is,” you sighed with a fake smile, scratching the back of your neck.

“Sono pazza di lei,” Donna whispered, leaning her head towards the door.

“Yes, I see that,” you said amused, bending down to pick up the boxes and put them on the table. “Look, Donna, I brought you the vegetables you asked for.”

“Mm, let me see, (Y/N),” she said, getting a little closer to you to rummage through the boxes, carefully examining the vegetables. “Wow, those peppers look really good.”

“It's been a very good harvest,” you commented distracted by her slender hands, hands that would never caress you.

“No doubt,” Donna murmured, going back to put the vegetables. “Aspetta un attimo, I'm going to get your money.”

“Okay,” you said with a kind look, without losing sight of her, without missing a detail of her walk, the hypnotic dance of her dress.

“Thank goodness she's gone…” Angie said, suddenly getting on the table, scaring you. “That girl is a pain in the ass.”

“Why do you say that?” you asked curiously, checking the vegetables again. “She seems nice.”

“Nice? She's dumb and boring as a rock. She never wants to play with me,” the doll said, making you laugh unintentionally and shake your head. “I don't know what Donna saw in her.”

“She's beautiful,” you said with a sad voice, looking at the place where the Lord disappeared and gently closing your eyes. “Donna didn't deserve less.”

“Do you like that stupid girl?” Angie asked, making you think carefully about your answer.

“Um, well, I don't know her very well, but if she makes Donna happy…” you whispered, trying to keep your voice from breaking. “I guess I like her.”

“I don't,” Angie said, with a brusque gesture. “I don't like that girl at all, but Donna doesn't listen to me, she's completely in love with her.”

“It's good that Donna has a girlfriend she loves, she deserves it, you know as well as I do that she's been through a lot of disgraces,” you said without wanting to say it, hurting yourself.

“That's what worries me,” the doll said, getting a little closer to you. “Donna's a fool too, suddenly a pretty girl comes out of nowhere, tells her she’s in love with her and wants to be with her… and all that shit.”

“What are you implying?” you asked, now paying full attention.

“I didn't imply anything, I'm saying it clearly: I don't want that stupid girl to be Donna's girlfriend,” Angie said, with a confidential whisper, almost speaking in your ear. “I don't like Anya, there's something about her that gives me a bad feeling.”

“I'm afraid that's what Donna has chosen, you can't do anything,” you commented with a sad sigh, watching the door.

“No... but you can,” the puppet said, pointing at you. “You are her friend, aren't you?”

“Me? I-I don't know if friend is the right word but...”

“You can tell her what you think of that stupid girl, Donna will listen to you,” said the doll, jumping comically on the table.

“What? No, I'm not going to do that,” you said, shaking your head. “Donna is happy with Anya and I have no right to butt in.”

“Another boring girl,” Angie said, getting down from the table when the lady's heels began to echo on the wood. “I wish you were her girlfriend instead that fool.”

Your eyes widened at her comment, but you didn't have much time to think about it, as Donna appeared through the door, a bag of coins in her hand.

“Prego,” she whispered, giving you the bag with a tender smile, to which you nodded.

“Thanks Donna, I hope you didn't overpay me as usual,” you said amused.

She laughed and shook her head.

“Are you going to question my will, (Y/N)?” she joked, gesturing for you to follow her to the couch.

“I would never dare,” you said, putting the coins in your bag.

“Sit with me,” she said, kicking the couch. “Do you want to play chess?”

“Chess?” you asked, sitting as far away from her as possible while she pulled out an old board. “I-I don't know, I always lose.”

“Don't talk nonsense, you've beaten me more than once,” Donna said, her gaze away from yours, placing the pieces. “White or black?”

“Black. You probably play a lot with Anya…” you commented, choosing a color while the lady focused on the board, looking at you briefly and shaking her head.

“Not really,” the doll maker whispered, sitting in front of you, with a thoughtful look. “Anya says it's boring. She doesn't like to play this… kind of games.”

“Oh, well, I guess there are all kinds of tastes, right?” you asked, ignoring that information. “Let's see…”

“Certo,” Donna sighed, making her first move. “Anyway, we don't have much time to play or chat. I'm afraid that... well, she really likes... kissing me.”

You swallowed a sob, moving your piece and nodding slowly.

“I understand why,” you whispered in a terribly low voice.

“Scusi?” she asked, concentrating on your move. “Did you say something, (Y/N)?”

“No, nothing, I was just... thinking about my next move,” you lied, erratically moving another of the pieces. “I guess it's wonderful to have someone so affectionate by your side.”

“It is, of course it is,” Donna sighed, with a tender smile.

Nothing that happened that afternoon was out of the ordinary. The conversations with Donna usually traveled between unimportant experiences or... well, or compliments and words of love from the brunette to her girl.

Anya must have been the most wonderful girl in the world, or at least she was to Donna. The lady never got tired of talking about her, praising her… You might think it was almost unbearable to spend time with her just to hear about her girlfriend, but it wasn't like that. You were her only friend, or her only truly close contact, surely the only one who listened to her.

You loved Donna hopelessly. Even if her words weren't about you, they were her words, it was her voice.

Another afternoon of soft laughter, another night of dreams and fantasies about her. At some point you should realize the mistake you made by falling in love with Donna Beneviento, the delay in your confession, the theft of her heart by that beautiful girl.

Donna was crazy about her, she always told you so innocently, without knowing the damage she was doing to you, without wanting to know, perhaps.

The days passed and your visits could be summed up in chess games or comments about how fabulous Anya was. Angie's words echoed in your head.

Naturally, the Angie doll was jealous and distrustful, but the insinuation that she would prefer you to be Donna's girlfriend... You just couldn't get it out of your head.

“Thank you, Mrs. Fritz,” you said pleasantly, after doing your daily shopping in the village.

“Give my regards to your parents, dear,” the woman said, making you smile before setting off on your way back home.

You didn't live as isolated as Donna, but you had a nice walk to the orchards, a walk you always enjoyed.

“Shh, hey, Anya...” a male voice caught your attention as you walked.

Behind one of the crumbling walls of the orchards, there was a boy hiding, gesturing to a young woman who seemed to walk slowly, looking around.

You recognized her immediately: Anya, Donna's girlfriend. You weren't usually a gossipy girl, but this situation was a out of the ordinary, so you slowly camouflaged yourself in the wheat fields, behind a stone wall.

“Sergei…” Anya sighed, looking cautiously as she approached the boy. You had to quickly crouch down as they both looked in your direction.

“Has anyone followed you?” the young man asked, grabbing the girl's hands while you peeked discreetly.

“Of course not, you know I'm careful,” Anya said, letting that boy grab her waist and… kiss her, kiss her passionately.

“Shit,” you whispered, covering your mouth with your hands, blinking in bewilderment at the sight before you. It couldn't be, it just couldn't be.

“I've missed you, I thought you came back every night,” the boy said, kissing her repeatedly. “Did she trick you into staying again?”

“No, she knows I need some room and… well, thank goodness, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to see you,” Anya said, leaving you more and more confused.

“This situation is awkward, Anya, I can't stand to think what you do with… with her,” he said, with an angry gesture. “To think that you kiss her, that you… Gods, Anya, you have to end this.”

“Do you think it makes me happy to be with that nutcase? That I have another option?” Donna's girlfriend asked, crossing her arms. “You knew what the situation is.”

“I know but… maybe if you talk to Mother Miranda and…”

“I've already told you, Sergei, I would never dare to contradict her, besides, it's not difficult to fool the idiot Beneviento, we can still see each other,” she said, leaving you frozen on the ground.

“Yes, but for how long?” the boy asked, resting his hands on the shoulders of the girl, who sighed with a sad look.

“I don't know, but... I promise I'll fix it, I promise you,” she said, with a much more genuine smile than the one you had seen in the mansion as if she really... were in love with that boy, as if she didn't care about Donna.

Your trembling legs moved nervously, accidentally stepping on a dry branch, which alerted the lovers.

“You better go, Sergei, I'll call you when I'm free,” Anya said, gesturing for the boy to leave.

He did, and you stood up from your hiding place, terribly furious.

That perfect girlfriend that Donna adored was a farce, a lie. You wanted to throw yourself at her, pull her hair, yell at her for cheating on the love of your life, but you didn't dare to do it. You were just a coward, but something inside your head prevented you from letting that discovery go, and you started walking towards her.

“You,” you said, getting her attention, walking through the orchards. The girl didn't move. She just frowned at you, as if she hadn't recognized you at first.

“Hi, you're (Y/N), right?” she said with a fake smile, with a somewhat cocky pose. “How are you?”

“Great, I just found out what you're doing to Donna,” you said without wasting time, pointing at her in an unpleasant way.

“Please…” she sighed, rolling her eyes, with no intention of denying the evidence. “Are you surprised?”

“What? You're Donna's girlfriend, of course it surprises me. How dare you to cheat on her?” you said defiantly, dropping your bags on the snowy ground. “She loves you very much, did you know that?”

“Of course I know… unfortunately,” she muttered with a look of disgust. “Hey, vegetable girl, I hope you're not thinking of spilling the beans.”

“What do you expect me to do?” you asked furiously, hating that stupid girl even more. Angie was right.

“Mm, well, okay, let's talk, shall we?” she said, helping you pick up the bags from the ground and handing them to you kindly.

“There's nothing to talk about, it's all very clear,” you hissed, moving away from her, who shook her head, sighing tiredly.

“Six months ago, Mother Miranda asked me to go to church,” the girl began to tell, as if you were really listening to her. “Naturally I was willing to do whatever she asked me to do.”

“What are you talking about?” you wanted to know, stopping your steps.

“She told me that her youngest daughter, Lady Beneviento, was going through a rough patch, that she was very lonely and… well, she was afraid that she would decide to do something stupid. You and I know that Beneviento is not right in the head.”

“Don't insult her,” you growled, clenching your fists. “Don't you dare to insult her.”

“I'm just telling the truth, (Y/N), denying that she is sick would be stupid,” Anya said, with a serious expression.

“That doesn't matter, it doesn't matter at all,” you said in a low voice, looking away from Anya.

“Mother Miranda thought it would be a good idea to give her… well, some fun, I don't know if you know what I mean,” she explained with a sinister look. “Understand me, my family is poor, and I need all the appreciation of the Black Gods. At first I just had to go to Beneviento's house and have sex with her but… well, it didn't turn out as I expected.”

“How disgusting,” you said nervously, running a hand over your forehead.

“The stupid Donna fell in love with me and far from considering my work finished, Mother Miranda asked me to play along, to be with her so she wouldn't feel so terribly alone.”

“And you accepted,” you hissed, looking at her out of the corner of your eye.

Anya sighed and nodded, with a calm look.

“I assumed it was okay to play pretending to have feelings for her, surely Miranda would think that Donna would get tired of me, but… obviously she didn't,” the young woman said, lowering her gaze.

“You're stupid, Anya, you're playing with poor Donna's feelings, aren't you ashamed?” you accused, unable to believe her words.

“Poor Donna? What's so much affection for her about? You only bring her vegetables, don't you?” she asked, frowning at your revealing attitude.

“I've known Do... Lady Beneviento since I was 5 years old,” you explained, running a hand through your hair.

“I see... you know her... well,” the girl said with a sinister laugh. “Well, you should know, vegetable girl: I don't care about her. I just want to get on with my life and get away from her so I can be with my boyfriend.”

“I assumed so,” you said mockingly. “But do you know what you're doing? You're playing with her feelings, Donna loves you and...”

“I don't feel the same,” the young woman sighed, leaning against a wall. “It's very easy to judge others, isn't it? You don't understand my situation, vegetable girl. I can't do anything.”

“Of course you can, you must tell her,” you said, in a calmer tone. “She has to know the truth.”

“Wrong, silly girl,” she said, arching her eyebrows. “If I tell that nutcase that I don't love her, that it's all been a lie, I'm dead.”

“She adores you, she would never hurt you,” you said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “She loves you madly, she wouldn't dare to…”

“What are you saying? Are you saying that I should go to her house and tell her that it's all been a lie? Seriously, girl, where did you come from?”

“It's better than her finding out on her own, don't you think? If you want to get away from her so much… it must be you,” you said, without thinking too much.

“Why do you care so much about that crazy woman?” Anya asked, making you back away.

“My reasons are… only mine,” you murmured. “I don't want her to suffer.”

“You don't want her to suffer... if I didn't know that no one could feel anything for Donna, I would think that you were terribly in love with her,” Anya mocked, shaking her head.

“You're wrong,” you murmured in a dark tone. “You have to end this, Anya, for your own sake.”

“Mm, maybe I'll think about it, she's unbearable, you know?” Anya said in an unpleasant tone, moving away from the wall and passing by you. “It might not be such a bad idea, after all.”

“You are unbearable,” you growled when the girl walked away.

That conversation, that revelation fell on you like a bucket of cold water, freezing you, leaving you completely lost. You didn't feel joy or relief, only sadness for Donna. She was crazy about Anya, she would give her life for her if she asked. She was madly in love.

Breaking her heart, telling her what you had seen wasn’t in your plans, but you didn't want to go back to the mansion either, not when you knew that those kisses they gave each other were fake ones. You decided to get away for a while, just for a while, until you could forget that horrible truth and stop being tempted to reveal it.

“Honey, something's wrong,” your mother commented at dinnertime, surely looking at your sad expression. You faked a smile and shook your head.

“Mm, your mother is right, (Y/N), what is it…?”

Your father couldn't finish the question, as the phone rang to interrupt that attempt at interrogation.

“Hello,” your father said, picking up the phone, immediately moving it away from his ear, due to some loud, high-pitched screams coming out of it. “Hello? Who's speaking? Are you a little girl? Hey, listen…”

“What's wrong?” you asked, getting up from your chair and approaching slowly.

“It’s for you, (Y/N),” your father said, handing you the phone. “She must be a friend of yours.”

“A friend?” you asked, bringing it close to your ear and recognizing the screams. Angie. “Who is it?”

“Oh, it's you, thank goodness…” the doll said, with her voice distorted by a terrible cry that sounded in the distance. “(Y/N), you have to come, now.”

“Angie? What's wrong?” you asked somewhat scared, with your family looking at you with intrigue.

“There's no time to explain it to you, silly! Come, run, come! Donna is completely out of her mind!” the doll shrieked, before hanging up.

“D-Donna?” you asked, hanging up scared and looking at your family. Something had happened, something had happened to Donna.

“What's wrong, honey?” your mother asked as you ran out of the house. “(Y/N)!?”

You didn't pay attention to her calls. You just limited yourself to running without looking back. You didn't know what had happened, but Donna needed your help, and you had to give it to her.

In record time you arrived at the dimly lit mansion. The door was open and agonizing sobs echoed off the walls.

“It's about time!” Angie shouted, welcoming you and pulling your hand to guide you to the living room. “Quick!”

The sight before you shattered your heart. Donna, the lady in black, was sitting on the floor, her head between her legs, pulling at her hair as she sobbed inconsolably. All around her were traces of fury, of broken furniture. Something terrible had happened. Donna had lost her mind again.

“Donna...” you sighed, cautiously approaching the lady, who roared, cried and kicked the air without moving from the floor, muttering something you couldn't understand. “Gods, Donna, your hand,” you said when you saw her blood stained knuckles, looking at Angie sharply. “What happened?”

“Just like I told you, that whore wasn't trustworthy! She left my Donna!” the doll shrieked, approaching her owner. “My Donna is very nervous, she's having a very bad crisis, you have to help her! She doesn't listen to me anymore.”

“Anya's gone?” you asked, blinking in confusion.

“She left me!” Donna shrieked, making you look at her. “She didn't love me, she never loved me!” she screamed, pulling at her hair again, something you tried to stop.

“No, Donna, stop… don't hurt yourself,” you said, fighting against her sudden movements, against her nervous kicks. “Shh, Donna, please… I'm so sorry, darling…”

“Troietta! You bitch!” the lady shrieked, attacking you as if you were the girl who broke her heart, throwing herself at you, struggling.

“Donna, Donna, no!” Angie screamed, pushing the lady off of you with a thud.

You had to admit that you were scared, but you made a superhuman effort to stay calm, to soothe her wounded heart.

“No, darling, please stop…” you said, grabbing her shoulders, pulling her body towards yours to hug her tightly. “It's over, Donna… Shh… it's over…”

“Porca miseria!” the lady shrieked, trying to release herself from your embrace until, thanks to your strength and mental advantage in the situation, the poor lady calmed down, staying close to you, crying at your chest.

“Shh…” you whispered while, sitting on the floor, you tenderly rocked Donna, calming her down little by little. “Shh, it's over Donna… I'm here with you… calm down… that's it… very good, very good, Donna, relax with me…”

“Listen to her, Donna, she's here, (Y/N) has come to help you,” Angie said, carefully approaching your embraced bodies, the soft maternal movements with which you rocked her.

The sobs were horrible, piercing, but little by little they stopped sounding, being nothing but an agonizing lament while you rubbed her hair, keeping her head on your chest.

“Shhh, Donna…” you whispered softly, wiping her tears and moving her away from you when you saw she was feeling better.

“Mm?” the lady murmured, slowly pushing you away, her eye was red from crying and her cheek full of tears. Donna blinked confused at the sight of you, running a hand through her hair. “(Y/N)… what… what are you doing here?” she asked with a thick accent, looking at you suspiciously, disoriented.

“Angie called me a while ago, she said you had lost your mind,” you explained with a soft voice, while she got up from the floor in pain, sitting on the couch, looking at you briefly.

“I don't…” she stammered, still confused, shaking her head. “(Y/N)… I…”

“Relax, I'm here,” you said with a tender smile, sitting next to her and glancing at her hand. “Did you break a glass again? Wow, you have a serious wound, Donna…”

She looked away, embarrassed, but letting you play with her injured hand.

“You shouldn't be here,” the lady whispered with a dark voice, looking at you shyly. “I could have hurt you. I-If I lose you too, I'll...”

“You haven't,” you said, daring to run a hand over her cheek. “You won't lose me…” you whispered softly, looking at the doll again. “Angie, bring the first aid kit, please.”

Once again in silence, you healed the wound the lady had self-inflicted. The sound of the wind and slight moans of pain were the only atmosphere in that place, until the lady glanced at you out of the corner of her eye as you bandaged her hand.

“Anya left me,” Donna whispered in a sad voice, gripping the fabric of the sofa tightly. “She came this afternoon and told me that… she didn't love me.”

You looked at her, but repressed any attempt to speak.

“Mother Miranda sent her to pretend that she loved me, to make me believe that I wasn't alone,” the brunette explained, nervous, but at the same time, calm.

“I'm so sorry, Donna,” you said in a whisper, tying the bandages tightly. “I couldn't imagine that…”

“I did, I should have realized,” she said, looking away with a nervous moan. “I should have realized!”

“Shh, don't yell anymore, honey…” you whispered in a sweet voice, caressing her injured hand. “You must get over it.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” Donna asked, shaking her head. “I-It's all been a lie… She cheated on me!”

“I'm sorry,” you said with a broken voice, feeling guilty for knowing it, and not having warned her before. “I'm so sorry, Donna.”

“I must look pathetic, right?” she said with a sinister smile, panting nervously. “How pathetic is Donna, who needs you to pay her a whore so she doesn't feel so alone, because, of course, no one could ever love her.”

“Don't say that, it's not true,” you said, holding back your tears, calming the doll maker's madness with your touch. “That's a lie, do you hear me?”

“You...” she hissed, moving away from your caresses, abruptly getting up from the sofa. “Is that why you came? She also sends you!” she shrieked, pointing at you with a deranged gesture. “You're a liar! Bugiarda!”

“No, Donna, that's not true, I came to help you,” you said nervously, somewhat scared. “You are… you are…”

“What am I? A moron who doesn't deserve to be loved? Poor Donna, she needs a toy to play with and not to think about the shitty life she has, right? You whores, you're all sluts! Sluts!”

“No, Donna, you're wrong, I…” you said trembling, putting your hands in a defensive position.

“What are you doing here then?! Why are you pretending to care about me? Huh? Talk, bitch!” Donna shouted, grabbing you by the collar of your dress.

“Silly Donna, let her go!” Angie said, fearing that her fury would be launched against you. “Donna, Donna…”

“I… I care about you because… because I'm in love with you,” you said with a broken voice, stammering and preventing her hands from applying more force, from hurting you. “I love you, Donna, I've always loved you.”

“What?” she asked, frowning and letting you go immediately. “What…?”

“I'm sorry to tell you in a situation like this, but if you're going to kill me… I want you to know what I feel for you, for longer than I'd like to admit…” you said, squeezing your eyes tightly, waiting for a nightmare that never came.

Again, the silence caused the atmosphere to become tense. Donna moved away from you, looking at you with distrust, breathing with difficulty.

“It's not true, you don't…” she murmured nervously, looking at you briefly and moving confused. “It can't be true.”

“I don't care if you don't believe me, I understand that you don't, but I want, I want you to know that you are a wonderful and beautiful woman and... you can say whatever you want, but you have made me fall in love with you, Donna, what I feel for you is what you have done, being who you are. Don't think that it's not possible for someone to fall in love with you, to want to give you their heart because I... have already done it.”

Saying those last words, ensuring your confession, you slowly stood up ready to leave the mansion, to leave poor Donna alone.

“A-Aspetta, (Y/N)” Donna interrupted, before you walked out the door. “Wait, please.”

You turned slowly, scared of the consequences of your confession.

“You...” she whispered, approaching with a slow step, with her chest rising and falling quickly, with her gaze lost. “Are you telling the truth?”

“Yes, Donna,” you sighed, wiping away a tear. “I would understand if you didn't want to see me again, I'll tell my father to take care of…”

“N-No, no, wait a moment,” she said, shaking her head, grabbing your arms, very tightly, but without any intention of hurting you. “You… you've always been with me… always.”

You nodded, suppressing the trembling of your body.

“I-I remember you took care of me when I lost my mind, and how you played with Angie when you were little,” Donna said, with a distracted look, but speaking without stuttering. “You were the vegetable girl, but for me you were something else, you know?”

“A fool,” you said amused, sobbing.

“No, you… you were my only friend… you were always there when I needed you, you never cared about my appearance and… you've never abandoned me. (Y/N), is it possible that you're telling me the truth? That you really have feelings for me?”

“I would never lie to you Donna, to me you were much more than a friend or a Lord,” you whispered, looking away, noticing how her grip loosened.

“You have always understood me,” she said, getting a little closer, moving her hand erratically to your cheek. “Angie was right… I-I was so blind with… with her that… I wasn't able to see that you were the only one who was by my side.”

“I will be if you want me to be, always, Donna,” you said in a very low voice, with her too close to you.

“Don't leave, (Y/N)… stay with me,” she asked you, squeezing your hand in hers. “Let me… let me… love you as you have always deserved…”

“Donna…” you sighed, letting yourself be carried away by the gentle swaying of your bodies. “You don't love me.”

“I may not have known until now,” she whispered, coming closer, placing her lips on yours, a sensation so dreamed, so imagined, that you already knew what it was like, but not how it made you feel.

A tender, salty and slow kiss… It was a quiet, calm kiss, emphasized by her caresses, a kiss that you didn’t expect, that you wanted, even at a time like that.

In that horrible and sad way, with a doubtful but sincere confession, her relationship with that poor girl ended, and one with you began.

At first you were suspicious that her love was real. Anya was too recent and Donna was resentful. It didn't take long for you to realize that you were wrong.

Donna was romantic, sweet, understanding and tender. Being her girlfriend was the best thing that had ever happened to you, you had never felt so loved, so cherished.

It was simply impossible, it was impossible for the lady in black to treat you so well after that breakup. Happiness occupied your entire life, you even moved in with her, but doubts also haunted your mind.

Every night, after the passion, came the thoughts, the fears, those horrible memories about Anya, about the admiration Donna felt for her, the love she had for her. You didn't know what that fake relationship was like inside, but, somehow, you felt inferior to that stupid girl.

Little by little, the pressure you put on your mind took its toll on you. Your movements and attempts to surprise Donna were almost pathetic and… over time, you started to look like that stupid girl, or try to.

The doll maker had no friends, she only had you. She wouldn't talk to anyone about how much she loved you, so you would never know if you had gotten over that stupid girl in some way, and that… that was killing you.

“Come on…” you said comically, trying to fit into a tight, provocative dress, one very similar to the one her ex-girlfriend used to wear.

Maybe your doubts were stupid, but they were doubts, and you had to do everything you could to not think they were justified.

“Okay, that's it,” you said, looking at yourself in the mirror. “I-I can see everything but... well, I guess Donna will like it,” you said, finishing getting ready for a special occasion, the celebration of your 6 months together.

“Here you go, amore mio,” Donna said, serving you dinner and wine elegantly, looking at you out of the corner of her eye and making a strange expression.

“Thank you, darling,” you said with a tender smile, putting yourself in a position that clearly exaggerated your feminine attributes.

“Um, yes, um...” she said nervous and confused.

Smiles, caresses and words of love accompanied you throughout the dinner, but, after dessert, a small moment of awkwardness formed.

Normally you didn't mind Donna looking at your breasts, you even found it funny, but that look was different than other times, very different.

“Donna, are you looking at my tits?” you asked amused, encouraged by the wine. “Do you like them?”

“Y-Yes, of course, you know I love your body, (Y/N),” she said, looking away, without her usual smile.

“You don't seem to like my dress very much,” you whispered distrustfully, with a sad sigh.

“Oh, yes I... just... (Y/N), what are you wearing?” she asked finally, crossing her arms.

You looked at yourself and shrugged with an amused smile.

“It's new,” you said in a seductive voice.

“I see but... You... you don't usually wear that kind of clothes,” Donna commented, with a cold look.

“Yeah but… I thought, I thought you would like it,” you said in a fearful whisper.

“(Y/N), you're… very strange lately, you don't want to play chess, you wear… those things… it seems like something's wrong with you.”

“I'm the same as always,” you said in your defense, with a somewhat dangerous tone and look.

“No, that's not true, you've changed…” she said, shaking her head. “It seems like you're trying to be like…”

“Well, so what if I do? You loved her a lot, didn't you? I have nothing to do with her, you'll never love me that much,” you said, bringing your worries to light.

“(Y/N),” the lady sighed, getting up and approaching you while resting two fingers on your chin. “I like the way you are, do you hear me? I don't want you to be like her, I don't love her. She was stupid and she never wanted to do anything that I liked. She could never, ever compare to you, (Y/N), I've never loved anyone as much as you, only you, and always you... do you understand? I love you, you are the love of my life, you always will be.”

#donna beneviento #donna beneviento x reader #re8 donna #re8 village #oneshot #requests

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uyuforu · 1 year ago

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Hello uyuforu english is not my mother language so I'm sorry.many readers say that jungkooks wife have big chest and I had read at some place when the poster said that saggitarius and Pisces in the four house gives big chest so is it because he have saggitarius in the four house in bride personal chart?i'm sorry if you did not understood 😔

Hello! Don't worry it's not mine either, I even realize I miss some words when I write, because I'm so into what I write I forget >v< Anyway, I'm gonna discuss this here!

-> So technically, for JK's natal chart, we can say that DC in Cancer (and so 7H in Cancer) to me is a big factor here. I didn't talk about the DC or 7H yet in his chart, so this is why this has never come out here. I did his BPC before so I'll talk about placements there after :) So when it comes to his Natal Chart, the DC in Cancer is to me the first sign. First, it means the FS is someone who looks very young. She could be younger too, mostly with the fact that his Mercury aspects his Venus in his NC! This is an indicator in a male NC of a younger spouse! If we look at his 7H which is in cancer and so ruled by the moon which is in his 8H in Virgo (=Mercury), his future spouse could be younger than him of 1 or 2 years around, it just means she is not so young compared to him.

-> Coming back to the 7H & DC Cancer in his NC, this placement usually indicates who the native will marry, his marriage & partnerships. So it tells details about the future spouse generally too. Because it's in Cancer, it indicates a young spouse but also a feminine spouse. Cancer is influenced by the moon, making the native's FS having a feminine appearance. Also, it can make the FS pretty curvy. So the his FS having curves, bug chest, big butt, and hourglass figure wouldn't shock me at all. She has a body that people would consider "perfect" to have children (please takes this lightly).

-> I actually read somewhere that JK has another placement that indicate the native having big chest but mam, have you seen this man? He BIG. So it works for him too lmao.

-> Coming back to his FS in his natal chart, JK is Venus Libra. If we focus on the physical, that means he is attracted to beautiful and harmonious face. Don't forget beauty is relative. So he will def attract a very beautiful spouse. Because the 7h has moon influence (cancer), it makes the FS look innocent childish like (looking like a doll and way younger than her real age), good looking, silky and smooth skin. She could have a moderate height but still a bit smaller than JK, a round face, fair skin, big eyes, and soothing and very cute voice. And because the moon falls in his 8h in Virgo (mercury), it will also make her look young! She will be witty, smart, funny, talkative. And the DC having a 7° (libra) makes her feminine features very important. She will look like the Venus goddess! And let's not forget while cancer can indicate curves and breast, libra rules the ass lol. This woman got an amazing body.

-> Let's move to JK's BPC! The moon being in the 1st house (appearances) in libra.... yeah gurl. It also aspects Jupiter! Which also aspects mars in this chart! She got those curves for sure. BUT, the DC in this chart is in Pisces, which can make her feel uncomfortable with it, she could hide it, wear a lot of baggy clothes or just feel uncomfortable with showing those parts. But you are right about the IC in Sagittarius. Sag placements are sexualized actually. For ex: my first best friend was a sag sun and her puberty hit her very young (9yrs old). She started to get curves around 10 and I remember guys at school either made fun of her or told dirty jokes about her (AT 10 YRS OLD). Yet she was pretty confident about it because it was her sun. So she doesn't necessarily feels that confident about it, but this placement makes her curvy side even more logical. It could make her have beautiful ass. And Venus in the 9H= curvy breast and body. Also I noticed women with gemini placements have a big smile! The Venus here is in gemini, she could have a very charming smile or often appear smiling. Or even laughing! And the Mars is aspecting the ASC... listen, she is very hot too. I think she has many indicators that would make people either very attracted to her... or just very jealous. I already talked in the BPC analysis how many people can have a crush on her easily and how charming she is. So it wouldn't shock me her body and appearance was part of the reason why.

Hope it helped!

- uyu

back to index ; ask ; requests ; rules

#jk #uyuans #bts #bts astrology #jungkook astrology #astrology #jungkook #kpop #jk astrology #Kpop astrology #jungkook future spouse

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supernovafics · 2 years ago

Text

𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 5.3k words

summary: in which during the summer of ‘84 steve visits family in chicago and meets you at a record store. the two of you immediately have a sort of pull towards one another and decide to start something that’s only meant to be a summer fling. as the end of summer nears, you realize that you may be in way too deep, and you take a step back from it all. however, maybe things can actually work out in the end for you two? or maybe not

warnings: explicit language, implied smut, some fluff, a lot of angst

author’s note: very much inspired by the song “end of beginning” by djo (the entire decide album fully makes me wanna sell my soul lmao) this started out as such a small idea and then somehow expanded to being over 5k words…. hope you enjoy! lol ((already working on a part two so don’t hate me for how this ends :0))

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

It was pretty obvious that you were avoiding Steve like the plague. Phone calls to your home were left unanswered, messages from him that were relayed to you by your parents were left unresponded to, and when he showed up at your house looking for you, you told your parents to tell him that you weren’t home.

However, if anyone were to call you out on your current behavior, you would deny it.

Because technically, everything was completely fine between you and Steve.

There was no defining moment that made you start avoiding him. In fact, the day before you stopped talking to him, the two of you had spent the night watching a movie at the tiny old theater in the next town over. Well, actually, “watching” was an overstatement because you two mainly did other things that did not involve really paying attention to the two-hour movie.

And although that entire night had been good, great even, you still spent the next three days avoiding Steve. It was an impulsive decision, but it was also one that you knew, or at least felt like, was the right one.

You were starting to like him too much, and that concerned you because he was leaving Chicago in less than a week to go back to Indiana, which meant that what you and he had going on was going to be over.

It was a fact that both of you were well aware of and had agreed upon at the start of the summer.

However, as it got closer to that date, the thought of actually having to let him go and end things felt painful. Therefore, you decided that the “going cold turkey” idea was the best way to protect yourself. And although a part of you missed Steve, you forced yourself not to think about him.

However, it turned out that not thinking about someone was much easier to do when they weren’t standing right in front of you, which Steve currently was.

Now that you truly thought about it, you could see that it was only a matter of time before he showed up at your job. The record store was where you met him in the first place, and he practically knew your schedule as if it were his own since he had picked you up at the end of almost all of your shifts for the past month and a half.

Your mind and heart felt conflicting things at this specific moment. As much as your heart wanted to see him, your mind knew that he was only making things harder. A tearful, heartbreaking goodbye was what you truly wanted to avoid.

It was then that you wished that the store was much more crowded than it actually was because since there was barely anyone browsing around, it made it easy for Steve to walk up to the front counter, which you stood behind.

“Can we talk?” He asked, and instead of meeting his gaze, you busied yourself with grabbing the Hall and Oates vinyl that someone was going to buy, but ultimately decided not to, and moving to place it back on its rightful shelf.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” You ultimately told him, still evading his eyes and beginning to pick through the shelf even though there wasn’t anything to organize or fix on it.

“I think there’s a lot to talk about, actually.”

You finally looked at him, and when you saw the look on his face that was a mix of confusion and sadness, for a moment, you finally felt bad for not talking to him and giving him no explanation as to why.

“I have to do some stocking in the back,” You told Steve, knowing that he would be able to easily read between the lines of what you said.

He knew exactly what that “code” meant, but with what had happened the last few days he wasn’t sure if he should follow you to the back room. The last time the two of you had been there was a week ago, and in Steve’s mind, things were much clearer then, than what they were like now.

You placed a bell and sign on the counter that said, “Ring if you need help,” and then began heading to the back. When Steve didn’t start following you, you looked at him. “You coming?”

He gave you a small nod and finally moved, following you the few feet to the room that said Employees Only. He softly shut the door behind you both, and you flicked on the light switch that turned on the one light bulb hanging in the middle of the room that did almost nothing to provide the space with any light.

Maybe coming back here wasn’t the best idea because being in the place that surprisingly held pretty fond memories of you and Steve made it feel way too easy to fall back into the dynamic you’d become so used to with him. It almost felt like second nature to slot your lips against his in the barely lit room, and you really wished you could allow yourself to do it.

“Where have you been these past couple of days?” Steve asked, pulling you out of your conflicting thoughts.

A silence lingered for a brief moment as you thought of what to say in response to that. Ultimately, you settled with, “I’ve been… busy.”

“I leave in four days,” He said, reminding you of a fact you truly wanted to forget about. His face softened, and you had to pull your eyes away from his. “Is there any way you can be not busy?”

“The fact that you’re leaving in four days is exactly why I’ve been making myself busy,” You muttered, but Steve heard you clearly.

A confused look crossed his face.“What do you mean?”

A small sigh fell from your lips, and it was funny because, at that moment, you wanted to tell him nothing but also everything circling your mind. “I– I know what we agreed on at the beginning of the summer, but it’s just… I don’t know. It just feels so hard now? In the beginning, it was so easy, and I honestly liked that we had an “expiration date” set for this, but it all just feels so different now. Because I can feel myself liking you way too much, and I simultaneously love and hate that because you’re the first person I’ve ever truly liked. But you’re leaving, so obviously, I can’t allow myself to like you too much because I would be an idiot if I did, and I would just end up hurting more than I already do right now. And the thought of having to say goodbye to you makes me actually wanna throw up.”

You knew that you were rambling at that point and that you should stop because what you were saying probably wasn’t making a lot of sense. But Steve had always been insanely easy to talk to, so it was pretty understandable why you were word-vomiting all over him. “So yeah, that’s why I’ve been avoiding you like the plague for the past few days, and I would’ve continued if you hadn't shown up here.”

During the entirety of your ramble, your eyes were looking everywhere except for Steve, and when you finally let your gaze land on him, you noticed a certain look on his face. “Why the hell are you smiling right now?”

Your incredulous tone only somehow made Steve smile wider. “Because for the past three days, I thought you hated me for some reason. But now I know it’s the exact opposite.”

“Honestly, I wish I hated you,” You told him. The statement was mostly a lie. “It would make things so much easier for me.”

“Well, I’m really glad you don’t,” He said softly and moved a bit closer to you, placing his hands on either side of your waist.

You almost leaned into his touch, as you’d done what felt like a million times before, but you refrained from doing so and instead backed up a bit. “Steve…”

You could feel yourself slowly falling back down that hole of wanting him, and although it was a path that could only lead to heartbreak, your motivation to push him away and never talk to him again was declining.

Still, you managed to find your voice at that moment. “You should go.”

Steve disregarded your words because he could hear how much you didn’t mean them and instead asked a question of his own. “Am I really the first person you ever really liked?”

You could feel your heart hammering in your chest, and you suddenly felt annoyed by all of your previous honesty. But you also wanted to roll your eyes at the question because Steve knew the answer; he knew pretty much everything about you. “You know how I was before we started this.”

For most of your life, you had always been completely content with being alone romantically and having only a handful of friends you loved and would die for. There was never anyone that made you want to step out of the bubble you created for yourself. Somehow Steve was the exception.

However, the immediate pull you felt toward him wasn’t enough to change you. Instead, it was your best friend Vanessa, who also worked at the record store, that noticed how you were around Steve and gave you the much-needed nudge to actually attempt to pursue something with him. Because just the idea of you having feelings for him had felt utterly foreign to you.

“You randomly came into the picture and changed everything for me. And I think I’ll probably always be grateful for that,” You said after a brief stretch of silence. “But, I can’t allow myself to see you again after we leave this room. It’s too fucking hard for me.”

In the beginning, you convinced yourself that a situation like this couldn’t lead to heartbreak because of the fact that the ending was set. However, now you thought that maybe that made things worse because everything you felt for Steve was still right there, and it also wasn’t gonna go away any time soon.

“I don’t wanna end things.”

“Me neither, but you leave in four—”

“I don’t want this to be over,” He interrupted you. “I want to make it work with us when I go back.”

You were rendered speechless for a brief moment at his words. Too many things started running through your mind, and although your immediate thought was to let yourself smile at his statement, there was a question that you knew you needed to ask. “What about Nancy?”

Her name felt foreign on your lips because, for the entire summer, you kept her pushed to the back of your mind.

Steve told you about her, and the fact that they were on a break for the summer, once you and he grew closer, which was something that happened insanely fast. And that was where the arrangement between you two started.

Nancy was a big reason why you now saw the “summer fling” you agreed on with Steve as doomed from the start.

The life Steve was living with you while he was in Chicago for the summer wasn’t his real life. He was always, always going to go back to Indiana and pick things up right where he and his girlfriend had left them off.

That is what you kept telling yourself, and that upsetting thought only aided in your need to avoid him for his last week in Chicago. Maybe that assumption was wrong, though.

“I’ve barely thought about her the entire summer,” Steve said, and you could hear the honesty dripping from his words. “And when I have, it’s only been about how to end things for good with her because I only want to be with you.”

His words contradicted everything you convinced yourself of, and you didn’t know how to respond to that. Your mind was running in a million different directions, allowing no coherent sentences to form. The only thing you could say at that moment was, “Oh?”

“Yes, and I know that we’ll be able to make this work,” Steve began explaining, and you forced your mind to shut off for a moment and solely listen to him. “We’ll both be seniors, so our schedules with school won’t be too bad, and we probably won’t have a shit ton of classes. Also, the drive is only three hours, which will be like five for you to do since you’re a bad driver, but that’s still not too crazy. I’ll happily drive up here most weekends. And then there are the holidays too.”

For the first time since the conversation with Steve started, you smiled. Not at the bad driving comment; in fact, you gave him a light shove for saying that. But, it was endearing hearing how certain he was of the fact that the two of you could actually make things work, even though you’d be in two different states.

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?” You asked, a smile still planted on your face as you shifted closer to him and let your arms circle loosely around his neck.

His hands found their rightful place on your waist and squeezed lightly. “Yes, and I wanted to say it that night at the movies, but you just wanted to make out with me the entire time, so it was hard to get a serious word out.”

You could hear the jokiness in his tone, but you still rolled your eyes. “Oh, shut up. You were the one that initiated it right when the lights went low, and the previews started.”

“And then you just couldn’t get enough of me, baby,” He said before fully closing the space between you two and slotting his lips against yours.

You had wanted to laugh at his previous words or give your own sarcastic comment back, but you let all of that melt away, and instead, you simply kissed him back; something that had been done many times in that back room.

One of Steve’s hands was cupping your cheek while the other slipped under the t-shirt you were wearing, and feeling his cool hand against your warm skin sent a slight shiver down your spine. Your hands found a home in his hair, and you loved hearing the low groan erupt from his throat when you gave it a light tug.

The two of you were so lost in the kiss and making up for the time lost since you hadn’t seen each other in days, that neither of you heard the door open or saw Vanessa open it.

“Y/N, what do–” The rest of her question stopped short when she saw the two of you. She had known that you had been avoiding Steve for the past few days but refrained from calling you out. However, at that moment, she gave you a look that said, “You better explain everything when we’re alone,” and you gave her a small nod before shutting your eyes in embarrassment. Surprisingly, in the many times you’d brought Steve back there, something like this had never happened before. “Oh, um, sorry to interrupt… this. As you were.”

The door softly clicked shut, and when Steve leaned in to kiss you again, you immediately pulled back, detaching yourself from him and letting your hands fall limp at your sides. Your body was on fire at that moment, but you refrained from doing anything about it.

“Nope. No more of this right now,” You told him. The embarrassment from the situation had yet to wear off and allow you to continue kissing him, even though you had been thoroughly enjoying it. “I’ll see you tonight, though?”

“You’re not gonna start avoiding me again?” Steve asked, and you knew he was mostly kidding, but you could also hear a tad bit of seriousness behind his words, which made sense to you. However, things were completely different now. You actually surprisingly felt hopeful about what was to come instead of dreading the next four days before he left.

You looked up at him and leaned in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Never.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

It wasn’t surprising that you were the first one to wake up. For some reason, your body would never allow you to sleep too far past nine o’clock, no matter what you’d done the night before.

You carefully detangled yourself from Steve’s warm body, not wanting him to wake up just yet, and headed to your bathroom. Once you finished brushing your teeth and showering, you slipped the grey t-shirt that Steve had shown up in last night back on your body because you loved how it looked and felt on you.

When you walked back into your room, you mentally saved the image of Steve in your bed. It wasn’t the first time you’d snuck him into your room, but it would be the last for a while. And you were glad that your parents were gone for the weekend at some business conference so that you didn’t even have to sneak him in this last time.

Steve looked peaceful, and you didn’t want to have to wake him, but it was his last day in Chicago, and you wanted to make every hour count before he left that night.

You slipped back into the bed and faced him on his side. You ran a hand through his hair and pressed soft kisses on both of his cheeks, his nose, and then his forehead before finally landing on his lips.

He was surprisingly quick to kiss you back, and you smiled, which allowed Steve to deepen the kiss further before he abruptly pulled back. “Mm, minty.”

“I wish I could say the same for you,” You joked, and he immediately poked your side, which made you laugh. You leaned in to kiss him again to show him that you really didn’t care about his morning breath.

Steve’s hand trailed under your, his, t-shirt and began rubbing your bare side in small circles. You sighed contently into the kiss at the feeling of his warm touch, and you wanted to move even closer to him, but you had to force yourself to pull away before things moved further, as they had last night.

You pushed some of his hair away from his eyes, and then your hand lingered on his cheek. “You leave tonight.”

He gave you a small nod. “Yeah.”

“So, we need to get up now,” You told him. “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you today.”

Steve let out a soft groan before turning his head a bit so that he could kiss the inside of your palm. “Why can’t we just do more of this?”

“Because I want to be disgustingly cheesy and sentimental with you today and just drive around and go to a bunch of the places we’d always go to this summer.”

He smiled at your words. “You’re never cheesy and sentimental.”

“You bring out this cute side of me, Harrington,” You told him and pressed a quick kiss to his nose. “Also, I’m gonna force you to finally try deep dish from my favorite place.”

“You’re evil,” He said before finally sitting up in the bed. His gaze suddenly shifted away from you and instead focused downward as he ran a nervous hand through his hair. “But, um, last night… Last night was good, right?”

You couldn’t help but smile at his sudden shyness. “Yes, very good.”

During that summer, you’d done everything else with him, so last night was kind of the final piece of the puzzle. It was honestly a bit surprising that it'd taken this long. And although you never necessarily cared too much about your virginity and losing it, you were glad that your first time had at least been with someone that you truly cared a lot about, and you knew he felt the same way toward you.

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Steve said with a nod as he continued to expertly avoid eye contact with you. “Because I know we’ve done a lot of stuff, but I just wanted to make sure that last night was good and everything, y’know? And that it was great for you and how you wanted it to be for your first time and–”

You stopped his rambling by pressing your lips against his. “I know. Everything was great, don’t stress. And I’d happily do it again with you right now if you weren’t leaving tonight and there wasn’t a bunch of other stuff I wanted to do with you today.”

He smiled at that and muttered out a soft “Okay,” before giving you a kiss on the cheek and getting out of bed to head to your bathroom.

You slipped on a pair of dark denim jeans and your old pair of black Converses. When Steve exited the bathroom, you silently admired him and the fact that he was only currently in his boxers, and you resisted the urge to go up and wrap your arms around him and kiss him for what felt like the thousandth time that morning.

“As great as you look in my t-shirt, I need it back,” He told you as he pulled on his jeans.

You were quick to shake your head. “Nope, it’s mine now. But…” You walked over to your dresser and started rummaging through the second drawer until you found the band tee you were looking for. The shirt was pretty oversized on you, so you knew that it would more than likely fit Steve just fine. “You can borrow this.”

Steve slipped the shirt over his head. “This is also mine now. Although I do feel like a fraud since I’ve never listened to the band before.”

“If anyone asks your favorite song from them, just say, ‘Anything from their first album. I can’t decide which one,’” You said as you moved toward him, now allowing yourself to wrap your arms around his neck.

“Got it,” He nodded and smiled as his arms circled around your waist.

You pressed your lips against his, giving him a quick peck, before finally forcing the two of you to leave your house.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Although it was one of those days that you knew you’d remember forever, it saddened you how quickly it all flew by.

From going back to the park where you and Steve played basketball during one of your first few hangouts with each other (and you surprisingly beat him, but you knew that he let you win) to laughing at how much he hated the deep dish pizza you finally convinced him to try. And then next thing you both knew, it was night, and you were sitting in the driveway of the house he and his family had been staying at for the summer.

A comfortable silence that felt sad, at least on your end, lingered in the car as music softly played, and Steve held your hand in his lap and traced mindless circles on your palm.

When he looked over at you, he intertwined your hand with his and pulled it up to his lips to kiss it. “Don’t have that look. Remember, this is only the end of the beginning. I know I’m leaving now, but we’ll have so much more time together. Once I’m back in Indiana, we’ll figure out the best time for us to see each other again, okay? You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

You smiled and laughed at his last statement before leaning over the center console and pressing your lips against his. The position was entirely uncomfortable, but at that moment, you didn’t care.

“I have something for you,” You told him when you pulled away and then reached into the backseat and grabbed the brown paper bag that you had been looking for, which was folded at the top to hide the contents inside. It was upsettingly the only thing in your house that could double as a last minute gift bag.

Steve eyed the paper bag for a moment before his eyes lifted to yours. “You packed me lunch?”

“Shut up, no,” You said with a small laugh. “Just open it.”

He unfolded the top of the bag and looked inside. His gaze met yours again for a brief moment before he pulled out the five cassette tapes that were inside the bag. “No, these are all your favorites.”

You could only smile at him. “Yes, I know and I’m not giving them to you, just letting you borrow them for the time being until I see you again. Mainly because you told me you never listened to these albums before, and I have a feeling you’ll like most of them. And when you do listen to them, you’ll think about me, which is a small plus.”

He placed the tapes back in the bag and then leaned in to kiss your cheek. “I’ll always be thinking about you. Also, I now feel like an idiot because I didn’t get you anything.”

“I don’t care. This was a last minute thing I thought of anyway,” You said with a small shrug. “But, I’m now expecting a really big gift when you come back.” You kissed his lips. “And I’m only slightly kidding.”

He laughed, and you smiled, wishing that you had a camera to take a picture of him and the two of you at that moment. It was that right time when the sun was starting to set and made everything look just perfect. You desperately wanted to have so many more perfect moments like that one with Steve, and the only thing that could curb your sadness at that moment was remembering the fact that, eventually, you would.

You glanced at the time it said on the dashboard. “You should go before I get sad again, and I want this goodbye to end as happily as it can.”

Steve nodded and then leaned in to slot his lips against yours one more time. “See you soon.”

“See you soon,” You nodded back and watched as he opened the car door, grabbed the paper bag, and stepped out. “Wait.”

You quickly got out on your side and rushed over to where he was now standing by the shut passenger side door, staring at you curiously. You wrapped your arms around him almost immediately, and Steve didn’t hesitate to hug you back and hold you tight against him.

No words were said, mainly because no words needed to be said as you simply held each other and let the tender action speak for itself. Your eyes screwed shut, and you forced yourself not to cry because even though it felt like it, you knew that it wasn’t goodbye forever.

You pushed up on your toes and kissed him for what you knew would be the final time for a while. It was a slow kiss that was long and drawn out, and you would’ve kept it going forever if it wasn’t for you needing to catch your breath after about a minute.

“Okay, I just needed to do that real quick,” You told him, still pretty breathless.

“I’m really glad you did,” Steve said softly before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You returned to your car and watched as he gave you a wave and smile and then walked inside the house. You sat idly for a moment, simply looking at the red door he just stepped into and closed behind him, before forcing yourself to drive away.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Hours later, you were sat on the couch in your living room, mindlessly scrolling through television channels, unable to settle on anything, when you heard the phone ring. You almost didn’t answer because you weren’t necessarily in the mood to, but you decided against it when you realized it was probably your parents.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” Steve said, and you could hear the smile in his tone. “We’re stopped at a gas station right now, and I just wanted to hear your voice real quick.”

“That’s very disgustingly cheesy and sentimental of you,” You told him, letting a smile take over your features.

“You bring out this cute side of me, Y/L/N,” He said, and you laughed a bit. “Okay, I gotta go, my mom’s giving me a look. I’ll call you when I’m home.”

And when the phone rang a few hours later, around two in the morning, you were smiling as you answered it on only the second ring. You talked for over an hour about nothing but also everything, and the only thing that made either of you want to hang up was the fact that you both were insanely tired and could barely keep your eyes open.

You both said your goodbyes, which lingered longer than expected because neither of you truly wanted to hang up. And finally, things ended with Steve saying, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

That “tomorrow” call never came, and you let a week pass before you allowed yourself to get worried and nervous. It didn’t take long for you to want to start overthinking things, but you tried your hardest to refrain from doing so. However, you failed miserably.

You called his house on the ninth day, and when the call connected, you immediately breathed out a sigh of relief. However, when a male voice that wasn’t Steve’s, and instead it was his dad’s, said, “Hello?” your immediate relief was wiped away.

“Hi, is Steve home?” You asked. You were sat cross-legged on your bed and nervously playing with the phone cord. After a week of radio silence, you were essentially questioning everything that you had just felt so certain and sure of. Even though, when it came to Steve, you had almost never been nervous, right then, you truly couldn’t help it.

“No, he’s out right now,” His dad answered, and you were about to simply say “Thanks” and then hang up, but you could hear the phone being pulled away a bit as if he was talking to someone else but still wanting to keep you on the line. “He’s out with Nancy, right? Was it this? Their third date this week?”

You assumed he was talking to his wife, Steve’s mom, and you couldn’t hear her response to his questions, but you knew it didn’t matter; you had heard everything you needed to, which was actually more than enough. You hung up without saying anything else, mainly because words couldn’t form in your throat right then.

Although you’d never gotten in a fight with anyone, what you were feeling in that moment felt equivalent to a punch in the gut. You truly wanted to pretend that none of this was happening while simultaneously screaming and crying.

However, you didn’t do any of that because the only thing circling your mind right then was one of Steve’s final words to you. “Remember, this is only the end of the beginning.”

Turned out he was wrong and a liar; more so the second one. It wasn’t the end of the beginning for the two of you. Apparently, it was only just the end.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

let me know ur thoughts<333

(((part two here!)))

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fic #steve harrington #joe keery x reader #joe keery x you #stranger things fic #stranger things smut #stranger things fluff

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spliffymae · 2 years ago

Text

WRITTEN OFF.

synopsis: you know, there’s a reason the famous saying is “absence makes the heart grow fonder”

⚠️ swearing, mentions of cheating, smut, car sex, the words “cock”, “panties” and “pussy” are used here lmao. minors dni 18+ !

kio’s notes - THIS IS THE FINAL PART. this was also my 100th post 🥹

pts. 1 , 2 , 3 , 4

now playing

⊱ ──────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.}──────── ⊰

you were quiet on the drive to your house, toji even worrying about you. the makeup you spent hours on had run from your tears. you didn’t bother wiping it, you just sat with your head against the window and accepted it.

instead of turning to your street, toji continued to drive past. you noticed and sat up. “you missed the turn.” you said softly, looking at the side of your ex’s face. but he didn’t seem to care.

“toji….my house—”

“going to mine.” he mumbled. he knew megumi and rin had long left, and he wanted to reconcile tonight without the pressure of the kids, and the possibility megumi could hear you two.

you took a deep breath, “toji, i agreed for you to drive me home. your house is not my home.”

“(y/n), megumi is sixteen right now. do you know how old he was when you first watched him?…nine. we started dating when he was ten. i proposed to you when he was thirteen, and—.”

“cheated when he was 16.” you added a bitter chuckle, “s’that where you were going with that bit?”

toji couldn’t take it anymore!

as if an instinct, a reflex, he jerked the car off the road and pulled over on the shoulder, startling you. “what the fuck!”

he didn’t say anything. he cut the engine and turned his attention to you, leaning over the cars console to be closer. “i am sick of this! sick of your attitude, of this separation, of this disconnect. you are my wife, (y/n). and we are going to work this out because i cannot lose you, okay? i won’t lose you. i know you want to, i see it when you look at me. yeah, you hate me and want me away, but i see the part of you that craves me, our family back together. so let’s work on it. let me prove i can be who you need me to be, who you want me to be.”

it was quiet. you were processing. toji rarely spoke like this, at most you saw this side of him after sex. this softer side. “(y/n)…” toji put his hand on your thigh, getting your leg to tense up from his touch. you bit back the sob that tried to crawl it’s way out your mouth. you had new tears running down your cheeks, trying your best to blink them away. how his touch was able to bring you to tears, you don’t know. but it was a mix of emotions: happy to feel his warmth back on your body; sad to know you weren’t as over him as you thought; pissed to know he probably touched the other woman like this.

his other hand stretched over to cup your cheek and turn your head to him. you didn’t look at him, you stared at his hand on your thigh. “mama, i’m so sorry.” his voice was shaky, and that made you finally look up to see he had the glossiest of eyes.

he was sober enough to drive—he had driven home in worse conditions then two and a half mugs of beer, but his emotions were all over the place. you always had a way of bringing out his vulnerability. and while usually he would wait ‘til after you two climaxed to relish in his feelings with you, his tears burned his eyes now. you hadn’t seen him cry since rin’s birth, but seeing you this way and knowing he was the cause was cracking his guilt ridden heart.

he pulled your head to him and as your foreheads touched, he realized you were allowing him to touch you. to be closer to you. “i meant when i said i hate you. i want you to feel every burning pain i felt in my heart.” you were angry, your voice was shaky, and you glared at him as if he were the last person you’d want to be with. and quite frankly, he was. “i want to break you the way you broke me.”

toji let out a nervous sigh. he didn’t remove himself from you, though. “and the most annoying thing is i can’t.” you shrugged in defeat, a watery smile on your face. “i can’t bring myself to hurt you that way because no one deserves that. and i know now that i didn’t deserve that.” you sniffled, “i was everything you needed me to be. i gave you everything, fushiguro.”

his thumb swipes at the tear stains on your cheek, gently wiping them away. he gave you a peck on your lips. it was one that turned to two, and then three. he prompted you to kiss him back, but you held your ground.

until he began to lead his kisses from your lips to your jaw. you instinctively tilted your head so he had more space to kiss you. his eyes shone with hope at your action. “you were and you didn’t deserve it, baby. m’so sorry. just…break me back, (y/n). i don’t care, do whatever you gotta do to me so that i can have you back. i need my family back.”

things changed quick. toji grabbed your thigh possessively, earning a whimper from you. a sound he hadn’t heard in months, and one that had his dick twitch in his boxers. his lips left wet kisses along your neck as his hands explored your body. he unbuckled your seatbelt and gripped at your waist, “c’mere, mama. needa feel you again.”

there was a war going on in your body. a war between your mind, heart, and pussy. your mind was against this ordeal, hated how his hands felt on you. but your heart loved it. it melted at his touch and kisses. and your pussy? ol’ girl was dripping for toji, wanting to feel him back inside you again. it has been so long since you last took care of your sexual needs. you weren’t looking for casual flings, and it was difficult to have when you were devoting all your time to being a single mother. alas, it was two to one, and you let the majority win as you kicked off your heels and moved to sit in his lap. your mind would get you back tomorrow, but for now you didn’t care.

“my beautiful wife. missed ya s’much baby.” the fat of your ass was squished in his big palms, his grip earning a hiss from you. he stopped his feverish kisses to nuzzle into the crook of your neck and smell the familiar cinnamon vanilla scent of your body wash and matching lotion. a scent he longed to have back on his clothes.

his hands fiddled with the hem of your dress, fingers dipping in to graze your inner thighs. “toji please.” you pleaded.

“what do you want, ma? you can have anything you want, so tell me.” his finger poked at your clit through your panties and a shiver rolled up your spine.

“you, toji. just gimme you.” you cupped his face, tilting his head up to connect your lips in a kiss. you hadn’t kissed him months, his taste having left your brain.

but nothing about you left toji’s. not the way you would kiss him like it hurt, like you wanted to transfer all your feelings onto him. or the way you bit his bottom lip as you pulled back from him, or the way you would whimper and paw at his aching cock through his pants. he could never forget how desperate you became when turned on; how your hand reached down to the control that would push his seat all the way back and give you better room to straddle him. you had fucked in this car many times, many nights and even days. so all this was like muscle memory for you two.

toji’s hand went under your dress to your panties, to feel the silk material against his fingertips and snarl. “ya wore this f’him, hm? my favorite dress and your good panties…for that pink-haired lil’ fuck?”

he pushed your panties to the side, fingers immediately dipping into your warm pussy to fondle it. it had been so long since he last touched you like this—since he touched anyone. after the separation he took interest in no one other than you, something he kicked himself for not doing that dreadful night.

“i-is this,” you swallowed the lump in your throat as he worked your clit between his index and middle finger. “is this what you did…with her?” you choke out, just as his two fingers pushed into your pussy.

“ah—.” you hissed, grabbing at his shoulder. you couldn’t help to ask, and you knew it’d make him angry…but how could you not? yeah, the woman means nothing to toji, meant nothing to toji in comparison to you.

but what toji failed to realize up until this point was she meant everything to you. she was the one he seeked pleasure in, a comfort he no longer found with you. she was the one that—even if just for a moment, made him forget all about you and his family. so yeah, while toji couldn’t even remember her name, you were haunted, with her in your memory for what felt like eternity.

he stopped his movements and leaned back away from you. his answer to this question would make or break this reunion you two had going on. he could see how your eyes held desperation. practically pleading for him to tell you to your face.

“i told you, she only sucked my dick, baby. i wore a condom too and just fucked her face to get out my frustrations wit’chu s’all. wouldn’t think about fucking someone else. not when i have you. only one i want to be with like that, ‘kay? only one for me.“

and you nodded. you felt slight relief he didn’t have full blown sex. in some twisted way it seemed to ease the pain a bit. but toji knew that it was wrong to downplay what he did that night, but he knew admitting to his infidelity would destroy you. and he refused to do that after he just got you back. so as far as you needed to know, all he did was get head.

you let out a nervous sigh before your hands fiddled with his belt buckle. “don’t wanna wait. just need you to fuck me.” you mumbled as your hand slid into his boxers and gripped his cock. you had forgotten how thick he was, your hand just barely wrapping around him. toji hissed at your touch.

“i need to prep you, baby, you know this. you’ll get hurt.” he tried to stop you as you pulled out his dick but you slapped his hand away. he had lifted his hips and pulled his pants and boxers down a bit so he could be properly free.

you said nothing as a response. no, words weren’t enough to show him how much you didn’t care. you instead looked at the way his dick was against his covered abs. how the thick vein that ran along his shaft was on full display. you took it in in your hands and lowered your head.

toji’s mouth fell open at the globs of saliva you spat directly on the head of his cock. his toes curled at the way you twisted your hand around him, spreading your spit and properly lubing him up. “m’already hurt.” you mumbled more-so to yourself as you fidgeted around and positioned him at your entrance. he knew what you meant, and fuck, did it kill him to hear.

toji stared at you with low eyes, licking the scar on his lip when he felt you glide the mushroom head between your folds. he could hear the noise it made as it slid to your clit, and he bucked up to nudge it, earning a quiet whimper from you.

“c’mon pretty,” he sat up to bury his face in your neck. the smell was intoxicating, and he was slowly kissing and sucking your neck as a means to almost taste it. to taste you. “let me be in my sweet girl again, my beautiful wife.”

there would be moments between you and toji, where the roles seemed to flip for a minute. he normally called the shots in the bedroom but you would get control from time to time. it wouldn’t be for long, but he loved when the moment came. you were so demanding it made him almost consider becoming a switch. almost.

you kept your eyes on him and hand around his neck as you slid down slowly. there was a slight burn felt as you adjusted to his size. your pussy had forgotten just how big he was. it wasn’t a discomfort though. you were grinning through the pain, your tongue gliding across your teeth.

“shit, mama. forgot how much this little cunt loves to squeeze me.” he spoke through gritted teeth. he bit his lip to hold back the moan he wanted to let out as you squeezed the side of his neck.

when he bottomed out, toji’s fist hit his side of the car, “fuck.” he hissed. he bunches up the bottom of your dress, pushing it up to be around your stomach so he could watch your pussy take him in. he let you have your control for about five minutes, but when he sensed you slowing down he reached out to wrap a large hand around your neck.

he pulled you to his lips, the most sloppiest of kisses being shared between the two of you. he began to thrust up into you, his pace fast and creating sounds that filled the car.

“toji—.” you cried, tears pricking the end corners of your eyes as you sucked on your bottom lip. toji had a devilish smirk on his face. “oh my goddd, you feel so good, baby.” you were a breathless mess. his hands had a firm grip on your hips and moved you to match his thrusts.

“take your tits out, mama. need ‘em now.” he panted against your ear, biting your earlobe after. you did as told, pulling down the straps of your dress and pulling it off your breasts, holding one of your titties to his mouth.

“look at em. so fucking fat.” he breathed out with a smile. he knew breastfeeding would make your breasts bigger—hell they were big prior to him knocking you up, but it had been so long since he last saw you like this. the pillowy mounds before him were getting his mouth to water. his tongue dampened his lips before he wrapped them around your nipple with a grunt of satisfaction.

“o-oh my god, tojiii!” you threw your head back, cradling his head in your hold as his tongue flicked your hardened bud. he was like a man starved, forced to go without what he longed for the most. he couldn’t get enough of you. not your taste, definitely not the way you had an almost vice grip on his dick and his heart.

“oh fuck, (y/n). just like that baby.” his voice was muffled against your chest, but from the way he started to get off-beat with his thrusts, you could feel he was close.

“can i come in you, hm? let me remind her how much she missed having me dripping outta her, down your legs? pleaseee, mama. let me fill you back up.” he was begging like a bitch, something you rarely witnessed, but something that never failed to bring you to an earth shattering orgasm.

“ oh shit!—toji m’cummin.” your tits bounced in his face as he randomly placed kissed along your chest and shoulders. he had wrapped his arms around you and leaned back in the seat, taking over fully and delivering the hardest thrusts to your sopping cunt.

you screamed, nails digging into his jaw and mouth opened against his own. you couldn’t kiss him, you couldn’t remember how to. not when he was fucking his permanent place into your pussy.

“feel ya clamping down, love. holding me so good i can’t hold it any longer.” he wasn’t thinking of making you cum first like he usually would, not when he was on the verge of probably the best climax of his life. emotions were high, tension was too. the scene couldn’t be anymore intimate, any more explicit and obscene.

the car windows were fogged up, with only your handprints against it. toji was groaning, mindlessly spitting out profanities as he watched your juices slightly squirt out every time he buried himself in you. “fuck, m’cummin, gonna be so much.” he said with a whine.

“toji!” you cried, “don’t cum in me, please baby.” you were breathless, but the order was heard. toji honestly didn’t know how to feel. you were begging, and the tone was what he wanted, but what you were saying wasn’t.

he was going to say something to you, he was, but then he felt that clench you did around him, and the way your fingernails digged into the nape of his neck. you were whimpering, lips to his as you rode through your orgasm. he quickly pulled out of you, the rough and fast action getting you to flinch, but you had no time to think about it before he was fisting himself to cum on your puffy clit, a carnal groan coming from him as he watched his cum cover you.

nothing but your choked sobs covered with his moans and heavy pants were heard in the car. he grabbed a fistful of your hair and brought you into a surprisingly rough kiss.

“oh fuck.” you had fallen on him once your orgasm passed, lying on him and mindlessly placing small kisses to his neck. he was mumbling incoherently, eyes shut and mind focused on the way you pulsed over his thigh.

“she—she has your prominent features.” he said out of nowhere, the comment getting you to stare at him quizzically.

“hm?”

“rinny. she looks like you because she has your nose and lips, y’r prominent features. her eyes are ‘gumi’s. filled with wonder, curiosity.” he was still trying to catch his breath throughout his words. “been wanting to say that to you for a while now, how much she looks like you two.”

he sighed, “i get…scared that she’ll forget me. forget she has a dad.” his finger was tracing shapes along your thighs, his mouth speaking his bottled up fears to you. you had forgotten just how vulnerable he got after sex. almost as if he was too tired to keep his guard up.

“she knows her daddy, toji. she loves you.” you reassured him, giving his shoulder a reassuring rub.

“do you still love me?” he was so scared for your answer. because what was stopping you from just using him as some fuck toy then dipping out his life for good? after all you did tell him to pull out. he had so much work to do to show you his change, to show you just how bad he wants to change.

“to the point that it hurts.” you said as your finger traced over the scratch marks you left on his shoulder and neck. you were being truthful. loving toji had to be one of the most rewarding pains you’ve ever experienced, right after motherhood. you would give and he would take, but never return. it was like a test; how much more can you endure from this…would you call it a voluntary sacrifice? yeah because that’s what love is, a sacrifice.

you sacrificed your future for toji and megumi, and now for rin. you gave your time, your heart, your body, and your strength. all of you was in the man you lied on. while you listened to the steady beats of his heart, you knew yours matched his pattern—it was your heart he had after all. this was a test on your resilience for loving toji. how much more could you endure because of how you felt about him?

it seemed he would never be the toji you dreamed of. the one that would be vulnerable outside of the bedroom, the one who would open up to you when things get tough instead of running off. the toji you had thought he was, the one who would never hurt you the way he did.

“do you love me?” you looked up at him, watching the way his eyes dropped to meet yours.

“more than life itself.” he kissed your nose, the sentiment making you softly smile. you two stayed connected for a little bit more, the sound of passing cars along the road and the nights wind being the only sound you two needed.

you focused on him, and how he felt under you. how your bodies seemed to mold together, your hearts beat the same. you couldn’t help your mind drifting to earlier though, and thinking about your date, and if you would’ve let it get this far with sukuna if toji didn’t show up.

the person you went on the date with was bad, yeah, but you enjoyed going out. you enjoyed getting to know someone new and start over. it was refreshing. hell, if sukuna played his cards right you might’ve just kissed him tonight. but you’ll never know now that you’ve gone and left with toji.

as if he could read your mind, toji tensed up a bit from under you, “i will be the husband and father you and our kids need me to be, (y/n). i promise.” he spoke into your hair, his hold on you tightening in the slightest. almost like his stamp of confirmation that you had his word.

but you didn’t respond. you had no response.

he knew this one night of passion wasn’t going to make up for what he did. you weren’t just going to forget his wrongdoings like it was nothing. he needed to prove to you he has learned from his mistake. he needs to show you, show megumi and keep his promise to geto; that he is a different man. he was going to work his ass off to get his family back.

and he would spend every second, and exhaust every resource he had until he was back under the same roof as you, as his children, and back to being a prominent figure in your life. he was going to work his ass off to write himself back in your heart, and continue the love story you two started.

if only he knew what you were thinking.

toji still ain’t shit sorry if you were expecting character development 😭

but thank you all again for vibing w this story, i appreciate it.

tags • @mollyville @miyaluv127 @lemmetreatya @tojisfav @aizawa19 @cloudsinthecosmos

#🌞🍃spliffymae #jjk⋞〈⏣》⋟#toji x black y/n #baby daddy toji #toji x black reader #toji zenin #jujutsu toji #ex husband toji #ex husband toji x black reader #toji x reader #angst #anime x black!reader #jjk #Spotify

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tommyssupercoolblog · 29 days ago

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THE SHOW WAS AMAZING OMGGGGGG RAAAUGHGJFHFHFH GOES FERAL AND GNAWS ON MY COMPUTER

ALSO I MADE NEW MUTIALS HI NEW MUTUALS!!!! HEWWO!!!! BAPS YOU WITH MY PAWS

Spoilers under the cut

H-o-t-t-o-g-o, you can take me HOT to goooo

TWINKS ON ICE and "camera flash can be distracting, Phil will fall of the stage and die" absolutely SLAYED me

Dan accidentally said "Dan and pheal" instead of Dan and Phil and they both stopped to pretend to hold the pheal. Dan said that would be a better show than this.

SISTER DANIEL SLAYED

I don't know if this happens at EVERY show but in ours, the audience chose to kill the original Dan and Phil every time

Dan has illegalized ted Cruz but then got arrested for being British. Dr Phil loves helping old ladies cum and his favorite word is skibidi. I don't remember the third facts for either

Even though it wasn't picked, a whole bunch of people around us (and us) started chanting "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" when they asked what Dr. Phil's favorite word would be. Later we chanted "TOUR BUS" but that one worked!!!!

One of the audience confessions was that someone likes to "mark their territory" (yes. In the gross way) to know what it's like so sister Daniel called them a bad kitty and they sprayed the audience with water. Also Phil called out that some people had their MOUTHS OPEN while they were being sprayed.

The other audience confessions were that someone wrote "Phantrash(insert some numbers I can't remember)" on a wall in invisible ink and then MOVED OUT OF THW HOUSE AND LEFT IT THERE??? And then a confession that just said "someone in the audience thinks you sound like owls" which they both were confused by at first, but then Dan's face like. LIT UP in recognition and he repeated the question to Phil and Phil said "Who?" And Dan LOST IT and made fun of him. LMAO

They explained their first experience at a bucces. And THEN later phil said that his new favorite nuts are bucces nuts (as revealed later when they were asked by the audience to discuss nuts). Also they hate peanuts and think no one likes them unless they're paid to by "big peanut". And they both like "hot nuts" and Dan likes them salted and Phil likes them sweetened/candied. And yes they made sex jokes about it and also Dan said that Phil's favorite nuts were actually HIS NUTS

Phil having the phitties to the wind was not what I expected

I. Could have SWORN that there was an ...."uninvited guest" in the 🍑 part of the wresting match but no one's posted about it even though the whole theatre was like "AUGH!!" And they cut away and I turned to everyone next to us and was like "!!!! Uh oh was that REAL?? Um-" so. Maybe we were wrong. But I was about to be like "DANIEL HOWELL I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOUR THERAPIST IS SO GOOD BECAUSE I PERSONALLY WOULD DIE"

Dan wore a cowboy hat during the musical number

I NEED THAT SONG IN MY PLAYLIST AND THAT DANCE MEMORIZED

I MISSED THE FUCKING PHOTO OPP BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME ENOUGH WARNINF TO UNLOCK MY PHONEEEE evil. Evil of them. Dan and Phil you betrayed me personally. Evil. I DID however get them walking aways

I bought the Dan and Phil made me gay shirt

Unrelated to the show itself but someone was handing out worms, and there were SO many sister Daniel cosplayers, and I happened to sit literally right in front of two other systems so it was like. Halfway through the show we realized that's what was happening and it was like HEWWO???? WOAH. Also this was my first time in Austin and guys... guys some sections of these roads are fucking perpendicular. I saw multiple people with mobility aids and like I HAVE ZERO AIDS AND IT HURT TO WALK ARE Y'ALL GOATS??? ARE YOU JUST NOT ABLE TO WALK OUTSIDE AT ALL AND HAVE TO TAKE CARS??? The whole fucking city is a series of V shapes with buildings on it. Girl why do your streets go straight up into the sky are you trying to drive up to jesus. Liked the rentable scooters tho

#i made a textpost #terrible influence tour #phan #dan and phil

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ficoandleo · 1 month ago

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I have mega ADHD so I forget things easily and have a hard time settling down and doing stuff. I don't remember everyone who deactivates or goes inactive. And I know I should express my love more for people who are currently around--i'd like to do that someday too!! But idk i kinda wanted to shout out to some of the people who deactivated/disappeared, especially recently, in the off chance they see this and know i love them lol

@battyoldman let's start with you because whether or not you decide to stick around you're kind of the most recent. I really hope you just need some time away for your mental health and, if this is something you'd like to continue doing, if it's something you enjoy, that you come back and keep blessing us with your presence. Your Ed is so. Silly and fun and chill and perfect. The video and movie titles you'd come up with are so befitting of his goofy conspiracy interests. You have really captured that old man's essence, in my opinion. Your interactions with Rui were so seamless I figured you were in one of the discord servers and already knew each other and you were just growing and exploring a relationship you'd already practiced in another setting. Honestly everything felt so seamless on your end when I saw you interact with others and when I got to interact with you--Ed was so largely unphased by everyone's shit and distaste for him(up until Towa said he was bad at sucking dick, he was not taking that lying down--) and the way he entertained himself with everyone's affairs. . .he really had the feeling of lying away in his tower, entertained by the humans. 10/10, if it's still fun for you I hope you won't leave us because we will miss you.

@ask-kaito-fuji i didn't get to interact with you much WHICH IS A SHAME. Your Kaito is so cute and he's. Really trying he felt so solid and charming and just awkward enough and I love the way you let him interact with posts that were ooc too because lbr he loves social media! He would be vibing out on tumblr!! It felt like he was this close to realizing he was in the matrix sometimes. Seeing people know a bunch of stuff and going 'why/how do you know so much it's so creepy!!' was delightful, and getting to personally chat with him once or twice was also very fun. 10/10 you brought the party to other people and you captured the character very well. His PDL is coming up though, so you may wanna hide him /joke

@frostheimking so your blog is gone but not deactivated(deactivated tumblrs have '-deactivated' and a string of numbers on the end of them and you can often still ping them) which, to me, reeks of Tumblr being stupid because I've seen that happen to multiple people before. I don't think you're gone on purpose, I assume there was a bad spam deletion somewhere or an alleged break of the rules because I've seen that happen before. So I'm hoping you either get the blog back or remake because, while you weren't around often because lbr it's slow around here for the most part, I loved your Jin??? I don't just mean because he was kinda flirting with Romeo, he was snappy and cold and. Idk he really felt like Jin. That's the best way I can think to word it, you captured his character from what I could see. I enjoyed our interactions and I enjoyed the ones you had with others too! I was looking forward to exploring Romeo and Jin's history and dynamic with you quite a bit haha. HOPEFULLY YOU GET YOUR BLOG BACK or remake if you're interested!! 10/10 tumblr fix your shit there's unfinished business--

@leo-brat-kurosagi-deactivated20 hey. You. You are far more Leo than I am lmao. I DO NOT HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO BE THE MEAN LEO THAT YOU WERE. I WISH I COULD BE AS SNARKY AND BRILLIANT. You weren't around super long and you didn't get to have a ton of interactions or answer a lot of asks but like. How do I say that I could just kind of tell what kind of potential was there for something great??? You handled him very well in the time you played him. You lived up to being a little brat for sure.

@sinostracasino-deactivated20241 YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE VISCERAL REACTION OF WHAT NO WHY COME BACK THAT I FELT SEEING YOU GONE. You were hilarious and fun and silly and also a good writer as I recall. Your Taiga had great energy and this underlying tension to him and we would have dug into that Taiga doesn't care about himself if Romeo wasn't afraid to do so. I was looking forward to them having some great, stupid, cyclical arguments, maybe a shootout, maybe eventually getting back together a little. And maybe a little something for that birthday trip to Rui's bar. And his chemistry and interactions with others and with anons were fun??? Immediately warming up to Towa? Teasing the honor students?? The little bit of 'bickering' with Ritsu? Also the way you tagged some of your reblogs god. 10/10 Taiga, he owes so much child support.

. . .those are the ones off the top of my head, mostly recent, which isn't to say I don't see or recognize or have appreciation for others not being around a lot or going away(like @/ask-lucas-errant who did answer an ask recently-ish, who isn't too active but that's probably because of lack of asks/interaction; @/shiranami-ren who I figure isn't around much because they draw a lot of their answers and that's a bit more intensive of a way to run their blog--amazing stuff and very much the classic way to do this from the old days, I would absolutely do the same if I could draw; and the Lycas who deleted probably because of inactivity) all of whom have/had great presentation for their characters and handled them well but. Idk. Maybe i ended up posting mostly people 'closer' to me in this context haha. . . .

I wish this fandom was bigger and more active with sending asks and stuff because I feel like that's a big contributor to people falling off or deleting, and I wish I were more consistent with asks and responses and better at sending asks myself because I could be the change I want to see in the world. (I feel like the asks I send have to be, like, good. Like I appreciate getting simple and basic asks but I feel like I need to ask Big Headcanon Questions or something.) But I know everyone's got their own lives and their own things going on so I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on with everyone, y'know? More than anything I hope everyone--active, inactive, deleted, or otherwise--is happy and safe and comfortable where they are and that the ones who've dropped off didn't do so because of anything bad or any kind of discouragement. Sometimes we lose interest in things and that's more than fine. Or life is busy. I hope you're all doing well. I miss you! I'm sure I'm not the only one!

#ooc #sinostracasino #leo-brat-kurosagi #frostheimking #ask-kaito-fuji #battyoldman #regularly scheduled posting will return. . .sooner or later. i have bad brains atm haha

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kookieswan · 1 year ago

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Kim Namjoon, Deep Ocean Blue, angst

Ocean Blue

Mermaid!Joon x LifeGuard!Reader

Word Count: 700+

Genre: Mermaid!AU, Lifeguard!AU, Stramgers to Friends to Lovers, Angst, Fluff.

Warnings: MC is reckless. Near death experience- MC nearly drowns and sustains injuries. Namjoon is a mad mermaid man.

Notes: This is an OLD request lmao. I hope you like it if you’re still around anon ♥️

Find my Main Masterlist here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eyes slamming open with a start, you cough up water violently a few times as black dots dance across your vision mockingly. You feel his presence above you instantly, hands lingering on your body, the feeling of his lips now a ghost. It’s not long before the ache of near death resonates as well.

You hadn’t meant to sink into the black depths of the ocean, not as far as you had anyway. Namjoon had disappeared without a trace over a week ago, and so you had attempted to row out to sea and back to find him. Was it stupid? Yes, but in the end it had got him back to you; that much is apparent as he scoots closer to you in the warm sand.

You had rowed out to your island that wasn’t to far out from the cove, fully intending on searching the whole area for him. It’s usually where he can be found when he’s disappeared, but in your distracted searching, you hadn’t noticed the storm brewing above your head, hadn’t watched for any of the signs. A rookie mistake on your part.

“Dumb.” It’s thickly accented, harsh in tone. You wince as you attempt to sit up as he draws back, peering to the side as you do. It’s still blurred but he’s definitely glaring at you, eyes slitted, nostrils flared. You’ve clearly got a very pissed off mermaid on your hands and you can blame no one but yourself. You know he won’t agree with your reasoning in a million years.

“I- I know. I’m sorry Joon.” It comes out raspy, your own voice ripping at your raw throat. You don’t even know what else to say to him in your embarrassed state. Staring back at the mermaid, you watch as his glare slowly cracks and his face falls into something softer. He scoots closer, a webbed hand raising up to slowly caress your clammy cheek.

A cool wave of relief washes over you, all of the pain lessening just a little. You appreciate him using his energy to heal you even if only a little, but you don’t want him to waste anything else on you. He’s really too sweet…

“Okay?” Clearing your throat again , you start to realize just how cold and run down you feel, even with Namjoon’s healing. The happiness of finding your mermaid is starting to fade slowly, the exhaustion taking over instead. You try very hard not to show it on your face as you place your hand over his.

“I’ve… Felt better. Thank you for saving me, I would have, well…” Appraising him bashfully, it’s then you notice that his tale is absent, now replaced with legs and other unmentionable appendages. You cough loudly as your hand falls, both in surprise and from the salty water burning your esophagus.

Namjoon stands suddenly, just the slightest bit shaky. He’s gotten a lot better at walking with practice, it’s something you’re strangely proud of teaching him. He leans down and grabs you without a word, scooping you up into his arms. There’s a flash of worry that someone will see, but right now, he’s just a naked guy carrying you on the beach.

“We talk later. Still mad. Rest.” There’s a giggle hiding behind your lips as he pouts, his gait a little unbalanced as he attempts to keep you level as he begins to walk toward the parking lot. Swallowing it down, you just nod against his neck, slowly burrowing closer to him. He smells like salt and flowers and everything you so terribly missed.

“We can talk later, yeah. Just get us to the car first, okay?” You can talk after a nice long nap, but first you have to get the two of you back to your apartment. Thankfully it’s not too far from the beach, and the roads are pretty dead…

“You hurt, I drive.” The laugh can’t be contained this time, especially as he clicks out a few laughs of his own. What a lovely silly man you’ve found, it only makes sense he isn’t fully human.

“Not in a million years Joon.”

#namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #namjoon x you #namjoon angst #namjoon fluff #bts x you #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts angst #bts fluff #bts drabble

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cowardlybean · 1 year ago

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Hey. The Times They Are A Changin’ by @bandtrees and @tigsbitties amiright (muffled face down on the floor)

more (some unsettling things) beneath the cut :3

(Image 3 is my favorite sequence from an animation for TTTAAAC I’ve been working on, so here it is just in case I never finish </3, image 4 is me thinking about Mob’s house. If. That makes sense.)

OH MAN. OH MAN OH MAN. this fic has altered my brain chemistry in a way that has doctors baffled and leaves tragedy in its wake!!!!!!!!! Absolutely a masterpiece I’ve reread it 3 times now and every time I notice a new detail, there’s just SO MUCH CARE put into it. I think I could write an essay about every page of this fic LMAO it honestly blows me away, huge kudos to everyone who was a part of the project!!!!

Especially the multimedia aspects, they were so much fun to find and in some cases decode (Scared the SHIT outta myself with Breathe I think it’s one of my favorites). the youtube videos were so cool as well

Realizing a third of the way in that things will never get better was such a gut wrenching experience, and by the time I realized just how deep the hole Mob dug himself into was it was absolutely too late for anything to happen (the end of act 1 was horrific in the most amazing way. So many things stuck with me: the state Reigen was left in compared to how he was, Ritsu’s “surgery”, Dimple losing his best friend, Shou’s report to the police, Minori’s conversation (if you can call it that) with Mob?? Bone. Chilling.

One of the parts that has been sitting in my gut is Reigen’s fall, where he starts to ramble through fragments of old times. I genuinely thought he was calling out to Mob until just as the same time Mob did I recognized the words and it hit me like a HAMMER. I don’t know how to put it into words but Reigen rambling on like a broken record tore me apart, and then it gets WORSE. I only realized on my second read that the intro of the fic. (Correct me if I’m wrong) IS REIGENS PERSPECTIVE OF MOB SEVERING HIS TENDONS???? Holy fuck. Holy FUCK. The vague semblance of consciousness written there is so deeply unsettling I’m absolutely OBSESSED with it. ESPECIALLY THE FACT THAT EVEN IN THAT STATE HE STILL WANTS MOB TO BE HAPPY (the cheer ^^ mob bit) and idk if I’m interpreting right (this is gonna be so embarrassing if I’m not) but him recognizing the filthy jacket as well. Taking me OUT. AND. AND THE FACT REIGEN NEVER SPEAKS AGAIN AFTER THAT?????? (I could be wrong oops)

The mental states of every character in the fic are written so chillingly well. I can understand how Mob spirals, the anger and grief Tome feels, Shou's spite and anger, Teruki's conflict, Dimple's loss of his best friend, Serizawa's waning optimism, I can't name every character in this fic but they are ALL characterized so well. There's no needless conflict that make them OOC, there's a reason behind every little tragedy building upon themselves and creating a giant disaster that deeply affects the entire cast. Not to mention how its not just the loss of Reigen and Ritsu, but the loss of Mob too. If they were to have died on impact, its unsettling to think that things may have turned out better than this.

There’s a lot of things I wanna say that would basically be restating the fic (dimple losing his best friend, teru shaving, and the irony of ritsu’s powers being taken away by mob) so instead of writing 20 more paragraphs I’ll ask some questions I’ve been mulling over (ofc yall don’t have to answer if it’s revealing too much or smth)

Does Mob actually end up getting investigated or arrested? The formatting of the social media posts and texts makes them seem as if they're evidence and so does the ongoing "interview?" with Shou throughout the fic

In the party, is Reigen saying he doesn't like citrus a reference to the lemon sour :eyes:

I'm probably missing something but im curious about the metaphor around Reigen and a stray cat (hair clinging to Mob's clothes, comparing him to a stray cat finding a place to die, comparing him to a cat outside Serizawa's door)

If I'm not wrong and the "glitchy" sections at the beginning and end of the fic are Reigen and Ritsu's povs respectively, is their mind constantly like that or is it just in the specific circumstances where they have a small burst of consciousness?

last (thats a lie im definitely drawing more fanart in the future) but not least, some notes from when I was re-reading

#sorry for hiding literally everything below the cut i dont wanna jumpscare people #BUT ANWAY.#holy fuck. a masterpiece.#literally tried drawing vase scene (as ive dubbed it for convenience lmao) 3 times its SO HARD to get right #i doubt i was able to truly do this fic justice its so amazing #mp100 #tw blood #tw body horror #(not really but the animation is close enough)#TTTAAAC #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #ritsu kageyama #reigen arataka #teruki hanazawa #dimple mp100 #so many thoughts about this fic #sorry for my damn essay oh my god #< biggest TTTAAAC fan

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petalsthefish · 11 months ago

Note

Hello! I was thinking about you recently and realized your petalstofish account was gone, and I started to worry about you. Because that’s what I do. Maybe you said something about leaving your previous accounts and I missed it, that would be likely on my part. So I was thrilled when Dumbest Witch Alive showed up in my inbox and I found you here again! I hope you’re well!

Hi friend!! thank you so much for reaching out and for reading DWA!!!!I told @gryffindormischief last night that I genuinely threw up words onto paper and that’s the mess that came out lmao

Alsoooooo…I am so sorry for dropping off the face of the earth. I had mentioned only a couple of times that I was dealing with some health issues, but I never went into full detail, so I’m sure it looked odd when I just disappeared. 2023 was really hard year, and I stepped away from all social media except for my instagram for quite some time…but I’m really really excited to be back here and feeling more like Petals again. I missed everyone, and even in the year or so away, I knew eventually I would come back. I just didn’t want anyone to worry if I told them what was going on, so I figured a cold cut was easiest ♥️

Short story:

I was very ill, but I’m feeling SO much better!

Long Story:

Essentially, I had just moved back to Florida after being gone for four years in Arizona. When my old doctor in Florida saw me, they decided that the plaquinil treatments that I have been taking for my chronic illness for the last few years in Arizona had not been working. They decided to put me on this drug called methotrexate. It was chemotherapy in pill form, low dose, and it’s commonly used for people who have rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. My genetics love me so I have both RA and Lupus. So they thought it was a perfect match for me. It’s rare for people to have a super bad reaction to it, usually just fatigue and hair loss, but of course I managed to have like the worst reaction of all.

Due to multiple side effects, I ended up bed bound within a few days of starting my daily doses. During this time I could barely sit up and eat a meal. My mental health was plummeting anytime I allowed myself to have my phone in bed. I knew I had to do something else, before I totally crashed off the deep end. I would go on and see all my friends at Taylor’s era tour, and I’d had to sell my tickets. I was missing birthdays, movies, long planned trips with friends. I was SO lost in a way I can’t even begin to describe.

Even though my wonderful parents moved me in with them and got me a second opinion, by the time the new doctor got me off of the methotrexate and onto a new drug, it took another few months for my body to complete expel it from my system. So I was down for the count from March to October.

Thankfully, I’m feeling SOOO much better now and have a wonderful doctor who listens to me and never tells me my feelings aren’t valid. Once I had a better grasp mentally and physically, and I felt okay enough to start writing and reading and reviewing again, I decided to return to social media. Im actually super excited because I start physical therapy this week, which is a huge step, and I no longer need to use FMLA every week at work. Yay!

ALSOOOO not wholly related but some bot stole PetalsToFish SO HERE I AM WITH A NEW NAME. THANKS BOTS🤪

Xoxo

If u read all the way thru this I owe you an ice cream sundae

#petals talks #a long explanation #some know #some don’t #figured I’d explain for anyone who cares

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manofmanymons · 9 months ago

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may you share some takuma x kaito hcs i am in drought and dying

Yeesus do I need to start writing about them again is the takuma x kaito fandom okay al;kfjdaklj I thought was getting too annoying about them but maybe not???

first things first in case you missed any of the other times I rambled aggressively about them

here's the most recent time someone asked about them <3

here's a post from that time someone (multiple someones? all the same anon? I'll never know) was asking about marriage hcs 💍

here's a time I was just randomly babbling about them :P

this isn't a hc but just a scene that haunts my brain a lot >w<

this post talks about multiple ships but they're in it 💃🏻

here is a short fic that's like 90% just me shoving hcs in your face 📝

and since we're already shamelessly self plugging here's the first thing I ever wrote about them teehee

OKAY SO

GETTING TO THE ACTUAL POST NOW LMAO

several pre-relationship hcs

Dracmon knows the idiots are crushing on each other before either of them figures it out. Agumon can tell that there's something different about the way Takuma talks about Kaito but he's not sure exactly what it is.

Y'know that scene where if you pick the wrong dialogue, Kaito will get all pouty if Takuma says people would like him more if he softened up his speech or looks a little? I imagine Kaito might briefly worry about if Takuma would actually like him better that way. In the end he doesn't change, obviously, but the realization that he likes someone enough that he considered changing for them for even a second gets him angry and a little embarrassed. How dare Takuma make him have Stupid feelings.

Literally every single one of their friends (and most of the kemonogami) knows Kaito has a crush on Takuma. They have the restraint not to make fun of him for it, but they very much ALL know. They'll even try to subtly (why does that not look like a real word) play wingman for him, making excuses for why those two should be alone together or asking Takuma about his thoughts on romance and if he likes anybody. Takuma only realizes that's what they were doing in hindsight years later. Kaito never notices even though he's the one they were trying to help lmao.

At least some of them have bet on how long it would take them to get together.

Fuck it I don't talk nearly enough about idiot pining Kaito. He likes Takuma so much it's embarrassing. Miu has sent pictures to their friends' secret groupchat that doesn't have Kaito or Takuma in it of the stupid way he smiles when Takuma texts him. Ryo caught him on video trying to strangle Takuma for calling him adorable once. He will secretly replay the part of the video where Takuma calls him adorable when he's alone because he likes hearing it. Lowkey sped past the cute, silly "butterflies in your stomach" kind of crush straight to the "my heart hurts when you're here yet aches worse when you're gone" kinda head over heels. He would die before admitting it, even to Dracmon. We love a boy who's just a tiny bit pathetic alkdja

I swear I'm not tryna be hardcore delulu playing the game with ship goggles on but like...Every time I think about that time where he gets mad at Takuma for being too close to Miu, but instead of complaining about him being too protective, Miu remarks that it looks like he really wanted to spend time with Takuma, it just kinda reads like he was perhaps a little bit jealous. Most mentally sane and emotionally stable way of expressing that you want your friend to pay attention to you.

I think it's hilarious that Kaito's voice is so goddamn deep for a 14 year old. I also think it a contributing factor to Takuma's crush on him. Like "wow that guy sounds cool."

Anywho, established relationship part

For the first few years post-canon, they keep going back and forth between who's taller. Takuma doesn't really mind either way, but Kaito hates being shorter. Solely because of how funny his reactions are, Takuma will jokingly call Kaito "little" whenever he's taller, even if it's only by 1cm. "My precious little boyfriend," "my little love," etc. Kaito hates this. He does not hate how happy Takuma sounds when he's saying it.

Usually when they're in public, people assume they're friends. Kaito is unbothered by this. Takuma does not like the way people look at his boyfriend. Again I really don't think he's the jealous type in the sense of ever legitimately worrying about anyone stealing his bf away or minding it when Kaito spends time with Not Him, but I could see him getting irritated if anyone openly stared at or god forbid flirted with his bf in front of him. Bc like real talk for a second, outside a shitty small town, you cannot tell me that no one aged 13-17 would crush on Kaito just from looking at him. Way too many angsty teens in the world.

Freaking cat boy constantly lies on top of whatever Takuma's working on and falls asleep.

They are secretly both the "would you still love me if I was a worm" boyfriend.

Bf who overthinks x bf who rarely thinks things through

Obsessed with Takuma constantly thinking of 2-4 different ways to respond during conversations being how he actually thinks and not just a game mechanic. The patience it takes for Kaito to cope with being stared blankly at for 10 seconds after asking for a kiss bc Takuma's too busy wondering if he should ⬅️ tell him he doesn't need to ask next time, ⬆️ just kiss him, or ➡️ ask if he's sure he wants one. As if Kaito didn't already feel dorky enough for asking. "Why would he ask?" HE'S ALLOWED TO PROPERLY ARTICULATE WHAT HE WANTS SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF WAITING AROUND FOR TAKUMA TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE OKAY BUT HE WAS STILL SCARED OF DOING IT WITHOUT ASKING FIRST

Dracmon really does trust Takuma a lot and is more or less the captain of this ship. He still threatened to kill him if he ever hurt his partner when they first got together. Even when your bestie can turn into a mechanical dragon with cannons, something about a 10+ foot demon pointing a gun at you and telling you he would not hesitate if you screwed this up will really set ya straight.

Most of the time they hang out, they do whatever Takuma wants to. It sounds bad, but Kaito just really hates making decisions and really likes being around Takuma regardless of what they're doing. It took Kaito confirming this for Takuma's mom to stop getting on him about it though.

As close as they are, Takuma knows and doesn't mind that there are some things Kaito is always going to want to do with Miu instead of him, and Kaito knows and doesn't mind that there are some things Takuma is always going to want to do with Minoru.

Uhhh they are,,,very silly. Kaito high key one of those kids who decided he was too old for a lot of things when he was still really young, so sometimes Takuma has to force him to act his age and/or make up for lost childhood. Of course, Takuma himself has a tendency to think he's older than he actually is, but sometimes Kaito sounds so much like a tired adult that even he knows that's not normal.

Kaito has a lot of biases regarding how dumb he thinks romance is that he has to get over now that he's in a relationship. He's about to call someone else's big romantic gesture stupid until Takuma comments on how sweet it is and he has to go "yeah, real cute" instead. He's trying his best guys he really is.

...Several love songs have wormed their way into his playlists since dating Takuma. Some were even there since back when he just had a crush. Many are a result of Takuma sending him songs and saying "this made me think of you." Don't tell anyone. He only listens to rock and metal, he swears.

Sorry besties I cannot think of anything else rn I'm sure there's more but I'm eepy

#digimon survive #kaito shinonome #takuma momozuka

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fff777 · 6 days ago

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alright here's reaction part 1 nct dream on idol human theatre

it is 41 minutes long lol

i've seen wayv on this show and it was funny

they are back in the staircase room that so many sm groups use lol

haechan is sulking and refusing to talk so he's just talking through the robot voice 😅

ohhh so this is where those markren cuddling screencaps are from

nahyuck 👀 they have interesting chemistry. anyway jaemin is supposed to be interpreting haechan as he gestures with his hands.

he's saying he can't speak because he went to get a vaccine but i have no idea if that's real or just the bit 😅

jaem playing with chenle's ear. i was wondering whether he was turning into the next mark since mark likes playing with ears but i think jaemin just likes playing with body parts that amuse him at that moment in time. like a cat.

mark dropping his paper into the basket but completely missing so he has to fish it off the floor and put it back in the basket like a loserboy

jisung's in his rebellious phase of not answering when he's being called huhu

jeno: mark is doing too many unfunny things these days

mark: i love that you said that 😍😍😍😍

mark: *lodges complaint against jisung*

also mark:

jaemin playing with jisung's torn jeans.

jisung admitted to choosing not to hear sometimes lel. he gave in to the peer pressure too easily.

jisung: *thinking of things to complain about*

jeno: you can say that it's annoying that haechan is bad at LoL

jisung: well being bad isn't a crime so

dream: *cracks up*

but he did say that it's a crime to look like you're good at gaming but be bad at it 😅

haechan keeps referencing the ping meme. i think i heard doyoung talking about it? like you just add ping at the end of words like teenieping.

also i think it's not a bit, i do think haechan is recovering and that's why he's not speaking

jaemin making an old dad joke and laughing about it on his own 🤣

washing a member vs being washed by a member?? what do they mean washing???? like in the bath?!??!?!?

ok yeah they are lol, they're discussing washing others in the sauna. haechan demonstrated by 'washing' jaemin's arm lol.

mark chose washing a member over being washed. honestly, that tracks because he's the kind of guy who sometimes gets really freaked out being touched by other members but can be very touchy whenever he's in the mood.

lol "washing every nook and cranny," "even the hidden places," why are you smiling like that you

renjun gave a kiss to the camera 😘 i half expected haechan to ask for the kiss since there was no one on renjun's right but haechan was on the other side of the row 😅 then renjun was going to give a kiss to the director but they played it safe lmao

haechan losing the numbers game on account of having to speak through the phone 😅

i don't understand korean so the ultra 3 6 9 game isn't super intuitive to me since numbers have different forms. but it was nice that they still found a way for donghyuck to play :P

haechan's phone rang during ultra 3 6 9 but it was actually their manager's phone so he was unfairly eliminated lol

jaemin: *starts to speak*

chenle:

lol chenle...he's out of control and the guys realize they just have to let him do whatever he wants 🤣 or else they're just going to be stuck arguing all day

guessing teenieping characters :o

they're just guessing random words and adding ping at the end and mark just randomly guessed the correct answer but he's not even happy about it lmfao

the guys literally !!!!-ing at haechan wearing the face mask 🤣

gyu?

ohh the newspaper game where they keep folding the newspaper and two people have to be able to stand on the newspaper

chenle being a strict ref

jisung and haechan are already at piggybacking phase. renjun is actually stepping on mark's feet lol. (why is he so babygirl here fr)

markrenists, this one's for you.

mark and renjun are still not at piggyback phase...

next is when it starts getting tough and they're all wobbling

renjun tried to carry mark but he fell over too easily 😅

some nomin for y'all

LMAO jisung caught jeno and jaemin cheating 🤣 they didn't fold their newspaper exactly in half

new reaction meme dropped

????????????? chenle just finding ways to bully jisung now 🤣

was it jeno who said he wished he wouldn't speak formally? 😅

chenle ranking:

1) renjun

2) jaemin

3) jisung

literally opposite of who won the newspaper game 😭

#screencaps & commentaries #nct #nct dream

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shmowder · 6 months ago

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🤯🖤🤯🖤 Ok, that settles it - I think I really will try to replay P2. Now it's all on my mind. Hello Darkness by Theodor Bastard my old friend 🫶 I feel kind of bad that I can't give much in the way of an intellectual reply, but please never worry about retelling anything I may already know (or getting too niche)! It's been two years since I played, and I'm realizing that I haven't retained many of the details, but rest assured I do enjoy reading your thoughts, and the passion you have for the game is contagious (I didn't realize I was making a plague related pun until it had already been typed...)!!

I totally get the "antagonist is your own ego" thing with Stardew. It can be frustrating trying to pace yourself when there's just so much to do, and knowing that it's impossible to do it all in one day. As far as villagers go - why am I suddenly picturing Bad Grief as, like, Redd from Animal Crossing, selling fake paintings? It must be the hair 😂 Yulia can help me plan out my farm because even when I was thriving in year 3, visually it was a bit of a mess, and I'm sure not laid out optimally.

Oooh how cool is that picture of the Executors bowing down before Aglaya... (as an aside, I took the quiz you linked to and Executor was my result lmao). And <333 I can't believe we have the same favorite characters. I'd be happy to read anything you write about them.

Something clicked when you used the word "gentle" when describing how Yulia is with Artemy. You're so right. I think part of the reason I'm drawn to her and Victor is they both seem to have a gentleness to them, or if not that then a stillness, quietness, introspection. And sadness. Even Aglaya for all her strict imposing presence has a sadness to her.

I did a little more poking around the P1 part of the Wiki - Sticky's animal being a kitten is the cutest thing in the WORLD 🥹

And thank you! Now I'm intrigued by this, shall we say, unorthodox emoji choice - but I understand if you don't want to say it 😆

I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well :( I hope things get better for you, and that you can find some relief through this blog ^^ I've been alright; I saw that you have a birthday coming up and mine was about a week ago! Gemini twins~

🐿️ anon

IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK!! WE ARE TWINS HORRAY <33333 HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY I MADE THIS FOR YOU

Don't mind the cupcake. They both assumed the other person's gonna bring the cake and had to improvise really quickly

Mine is still a few days away, hehe 6/9 hehehe. It's gonna be fun. It's why I originally started the "what the pathologic characters bring for your birthday" drabble series but my god it was the hardest writing exercise ever??? I was a shriveled up husk of a human afterwards and had to throw in the towel. I don't think I'll ever do the termites or humbles rip.

You did mention people that you liked my Hysteria fics and that made me very happy <3 It encouraged me to continue and write the last and third part, even compiled the drabbles and posted them on AO3 so they don't end up swallowed up and lost by tumblr's gutters.

I don't think of my replies or characters analysis as intellectual tbh, I'm just throwing up words and saying what's on mind. So I never expect anything high-brow or even well formmated in return. You're doing wonderful and your replies have been a real delight to recieve and read, I promise.

And yes, the gentleness! The three of them are aimlessly drifting in an ocean of melancholy. You get it! They seem cold and detached, but deep down, they're incredibly sensitive. They're calculated yet so full of emotions. They understand people, and they dig past the surface in other's until they fully comprehend their structure, evualting their core and understanding what gives them meaning. They're thoughtful in their own way that most people miss.

Take Victor, for example. He tends to be polite even while giving orders, using please and thank you even in the most miniscule of requests. The way he doesn't take fault to any of Artemy's mean comments or insults about him and the Kains, he doesn't take your hostility to heart and keeps talking and cooperating with you.

He's patient with Artemy, much like Yulia is gentle with you. He explains the structures and their purpose, he explains to you how time flows and works, he shares his plans for the future at the end of the game, condensing the complex visions into simple terms for you to understand, without being condcending and without being asked to.

Like when your teacher explains to a child why can birds fly, how planes work and why flight is such an achievement for humanity. He has the patience of a loving parent that wants to share his admiration for the innovations in the world with you. But he keeps himself grounded through all of it, doesn't let excitement nor passion steer him away from giving you his full attention when you interrupt with a question.

Even after that, he still extends an invitation for you to join him, to join them, the future awaiting just across the river, a world born anew. Saying, "Of course, you'll always be welcome there"—you—the one who destroyed the hopes and dreams of everything his family has ever amounted for. He still welcomes you with open arms, inviting the ripper along to the heavens.

Meanwhile, the player can almost make Aglaya tear in the literal first ingame meeting. Nothing major, just the hint of a few tears when you pick the sincere from the heart dialogue options the Haruspex is known for. It moves her, genuinely moves her.

And by that point, she still is apathetic towards Artemy and is burtal and efficient with her words. This isn't the soft loving Aglaya you get at the end of the game, this is the steel inquisitor Lilich you're being questioned by.

Yet she is almost moved to tears.

You know those types of people that bury themselves under 13 layers of irony to be able to even function? The people who can't self-actualize or speak sincerely in fear of being perceived as cringe? the people who refuse to take anything to heart no matter how raw or moving? Because it's safer to not let the world affect you, it's safer to shut out both the good and the bad. It's familiar.

Aglaya is on the far extreme opposite end of that. She looks for the meaning of life in everything, be it under a rock or over a bridge. She dissects everyone's words, she tests how much their weight would truly hold up against feathers in the brutal scales of her mind.

She isn't afraid to feel emotions. She isn't afraid to face herself and her vulnerability as a human being. To be raw and open, completely unphased by the spears piercing into her soft bare flesh because she knows pain is part of being human. That pain is the price of growing up. Part of the process of being a full-fledged being with a soul.

She is not controlled by her ego nor pride. She knows that she knows nothing which is the greatest strength she holds over all of the factions in pathologic, which is the sole reason she is able to outsmart and manipulation the bachelor himself in his own game of chess.

She understands pain, she understands happiness and she understands what it's like to not have a purpose. To struggle to survive when your life is at the mercy of the whims of children.

Aglaya is probably the most emotional character in all of Pathologic for how many feelings she contains and doesn't shy away from. The rollercoaster these 5 days have been to her since she arrived in town. Dealing with anger and revenge with Daniil, discovering trust, love, and a new meaning for life with Artemy, learning about powers beyond anyone's control with Clara.

It is ironic how she appears as the most cold and apathetic to onlookers based on their personal opinions of her.

Yet not even a single crack forms in her sanity. She accepts the theory of the town being alive almost immediately.

She thinks. Truly uses both her brain & heart, and doesn't make her decisions based on personal biases and gut feelings.

Cogito ergo eum

Therefore, she is.

On a last note, Sticky's animal being a kitten genuinely made my week so much better. I kept thinking about that fact whenever I was in a bad mood and how fitting it is since he clings after Artemy left and right, following him and fearing abandonment just because his dad took too long in the shower once ouch my heart. It's so fitting!!!

A cub and a kitten!!! what more could you ask for??

That detail definitely slipped me by, thank you so much for bringing it up to me. My life just got ten times better with that imagery in my head.

I hope you have a wonderful day! I had fun writing this <3 thanks for existing.

#♧Aglaya #♧character study #♧Victor #♧🐿 anon

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voids-roleplay-askblog · 6 months ago

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Context Information Station!

Spoiler Alert: If you'd wish to find this stuff out on your own via asks, you still can! Just don't read this post then. I'll start out with basic details.. I might make a more specific details post if you want but hope this'll work for now.

Disclaimer that almost none of this is canon lmao! It's SUPER headcanon-y stuff

I started this post all the way back in August, I just couldn't think of words for everyone's personalities so please forgive me that Nick & Mitchell's are blank ówò;;

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~ Current Characters ~ (Picrew by Olibuki)

Name: Adrian Shephard

He/They (Non-Binary)

Source: Half-Life Opposing Force (Bonus: Return to Ravenholm)

Nicknames: Dray, Shepherd, Hardy

Occupation: Former U.S Marine and HECU Special Force Unit (Corporal)

Age: 22 (SHOULD be 42, but was trapped in the void)

Hair: Curly, Pale Blonde

Eye Color: Yellow/green

Other Attributes: His skin is rough and covered in freckles, a large chunk of the right side of his body is severely burned, most notably on his right arm and right side of his face, of which there is part of his lip missing you can see his teeth through. His right eye is also nearly closed and visibly damaged. He is also very short.. but makes up for it by being wide (broad shoulders)

Friends: Otis Laurey(Deceased), Father Grigori(Deceased), Colette Green, Gina Cross, Alyx Vance

Personality: Usually quite energetic but along with this he is also very jumpy and will react startled to the slightest movements and sounds, including ones in his head(hallucinations). While much more social compared to his siblings, he quite often struggles to communicate or connect with others, along with being very self-conscious of his face due to the severe scaring and hole in his lip(it is practically still fresh since well.. stuck in the void with no time), for this he continues to wear his gas mask whenever he's out (not really realizing the gas mask is definitely way scarier). He's quite friendly for a scary looking former-marine and has a fascination with alien creatures (he even has pet ones!). He's prone to panic attacks thanks to the lasting trauma left by Black Mesa, and his schizophrenia, he often seems paranoid or on-edge, checking around his shoulders as if something's watching him. Some days he can barely make himself speak and use ASL instead because he still struggles to process everything that has happened (G-Man appearing, Black Mesa Incident, 20 years in a void, Ravenholm, etc.).

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Name: Mitchell Shephard

He/Him

Source: Hunt Down the Freeman (>:3c)

Nicknames: Mitch, Bitchell

Occupation: Former U.S Marine and HECU Special Force Unit (Sergeant), current Captain of the Avalon Vale (the ship)

Age: 48

Hair: Slightly wavy, dark brown with gray strands

Eye color: Ice blue and yellow/green sectoral heterochromia

Other Attributes: He has very rough skin and freckled, he's covered in old scars but most notably are 4 groups of much rougher, deeper scars seemingly with removed poorly done stitches on his face: left side- chin, right side- cheek, left side- eye, left side- forehead(not visible on picrew). He wears an eye-patch over his left eye beccause underneath, his eye is MISSING and it's not stitched closed, it's just an open empty socket.

Partners: Adam(Ex & Deceased), Nick("It's Complicated" currently)

Personality: (TBA, I wanna get this post out already)

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Name: Alice Shephard

She/They (Non-Binary)

Source: ME, I made her. She does have a fic tho

Nicknames: Aly, Lisa, 41

Occupation: Former Combine Civil Protection Unit and Guard at Nova Prospekt (Unit #: 4130)

Age: 34

Hair: Straight, dirty-blonde

Eye Color: Deep blue

Other Attributes: notable rough scar on her left cheek, thinner, longer scar on the right side of her nose-ridge. (Not seen in Picrew) she's more unkempt, tangled & matted hair

"Friends": Adam(Deceased), Sasha(Deceased), Nick

Personality: Alice is very loyal to her job and the Combine, she does not like people who complain and definitely doesn't like people who rebel. She's extremely anti-social, she will almost only talk to people if it's for work purposes, she's known by her co-workers for being very strict when she's in charge and will not hesitate to punish anyone who doesn't follow orders. She acts very cold, nearly emotionless or robotic if she didn't have a short-temper.

But when she can hold in her rage, she takes it out during work against pesky rebels and unruly citizens where she's extremely violent and will kill them whether they deserve it or not (unless instructed by her superiors not to).

She suffers from self-esteem and abandonment issues caused by her family.

Before the resonance cascade, she loved art like drawing, painting, and writing, she was a major bookworm, she could play the piano but she always wanted to be something strong like her brothers were and hated her parents degraded them whenever they were talked about and tried to discourage her from admiring them.

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~ Bonus Characters ~

Name: Nick

Any Pronouns

Source: Hunt Down the Freeman

Nicknames: ... well technically his name is Nicholas and his nickname is Nick

Occupation: Former unit of the Albuquerque National Guard, currently some kind of second-in-command on the Avalon Vale

Age: mid-to-late 40's

Hair: bald. (Short, straight, black/dark brown)

Eye Color: Amber

Other Attributes: Not much notable besides that he's Asian and has a British accent. He wears a rosary.. OH YEAH, he looks more gaunt than the others, 2 decades of high stress will do that to you

Partners: Adam(Deceased), Mitchell("It's Complicated" currently)

Friends: Brad(Deceased), Larry(Deceased), Colonel Cue(Deceased)

Personality: Tired. He's typically quite calm and polite, (rest is TBA, I wanna get this post out already)

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Name: Adam

He/They (Demiguy)

Source: Hunt Down the Freeman

Deceased

Occupation: Former Black Ops sniper, also formerly second-in-command on the Avalon Vale, also got to be Captain for like an hour before dying lol

Age: mid-to-late 40's

Hair: wavy, black

Eye color: blue

Other Attributes:

Partners: Mitchell(Ex), Nick

Personality: Besides being a whore, he's a two-faced bastard. He'll pretty much switch personalities to get his way

he's the kind of person who acts extremely sweet and caring when a certain person is around but as soon as they're gone, he's doing the BIGGEST eye roll of all time because they were so annoying to him in actuality. He's also the type of person who shit-talks people behind their backs.

He's not very social towards people he doesn't know

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#adrian shephard #mitchell shephard #alice shephard #nick hdtf #adam hdtf #hdtf #hunt down the freeman #opposing force #half-life oc #askblog #character ask blog

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cookinguptales · 2 years ago

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wwdits tarot: strength

As always, thanks to everyone for reading these. I asked for some feedback from my followers on how often they want to see these posts, thinking they'd tell me to cool it and slow down, but most people either wanted them daily or told me to just post whenever I had one ready so. Yeah, we're doing that going forward.

And if you don't want to see these anymore -- good news, that means this will all be done in like two weeks! lmao

Anyway, onto the post. I already sort of said what VIII. Strength was going to be about in the last post, but — well, let’s get into it.

Strength is a card that’s often paired with The Chariot, and that's what I've done here in this deck. Like I discussed in the Chariot post, both deal with inner strength but in different ways. The Chariot is about using your strength, courage, and willpower to manifest your desires in the real world, while Strength is more about quiet fortitude.

Quiet may not quite be the word we’d associate with Nadja of Antipaxos, but bear with me here. I’ll explain what I mean.

At first glance, Strength might not be the first card people would associate with Nadja. She’s a strong woman, obviously, but in a very fiery, brash, loud way. The quiet patience of Strength seems at odds with her huge personality.

But when you really think about it… I feel like Nadja uses that brashness of hers to cover up some very real trauma. She discusses the horrible things that have happened to her in frank, almost detached terms sometimes, but every so often you get this moment of like — just softness and vulnerability to her and you realize how this woman really survived for all the centuries she has.

Because that’s the thing about Strength. Yeah, people might associate it with a woman calming a lion, but the fact of the matter is that the woman has grappled with a lion and lived. More than any of the other vampires, Nadja has withstood countless tortures and indignities with her head held high.

One thing that I really loved about s4 of WWDITS was the parallels being laid out between her and Guillermo. I think she’s starting to see parts of herself in him, in his struggle to be seen and respected, in his stubborn fortitude in the face of pain, in the quiet, frantic love he has for his family.

Nadja has always had a soft spot for the downtrodden, whether that’s Guillermo or Jenna, and I think that’s because she knows how that feels. To be on the outside. To be helplessly casting around for something safe and secure and loved that’s yours.

The thing about being a vampire is, well, they can’t see themselves in a mirror — but they can see the people around them reflected in the glass.

That’s something we see with vampires a lot in this show (projecting their concerns onto others because it’s too difficult for them to engage in true self-reflection) but I think it’s most common with Nadja, really.

And it’s during those moments of projection that I think we learn a lot about her. We learn how, despite her fierce, forceful persona, she still has a lot of that scared, lonely, unsure little girl to her. She still misses her family, torn to bits in front of her. She still misses the island she grew up on, changed as it now is. She still knows what it’s like to be systemically discriminated against for who she is and where she came from.

Nadja gets this look on her face sometimes, soft and unsure and a little bit lost, and it’s then that I see Strength most clearly in her. Because Strength is a card of fortitude, the ability to withstand any struggle with stubborn will and clarity of vision, and boy can Nadja withstand.

Nadja is a woman who grew up with nothing and still managed to lose everything. She’s a woman who’s had to rebuild her own life again and again and again, and she never stops doing it. She has the wit and mangy doggedness of a prey animal that has lived to old age, and she has the coping skills to match.

I think that’s why, out of all the vampires, she is the most willing to show her claws. She’s honed them through years of clawing her way out of pits, y’know? She knows what happens if you let a single person see your underbelly, and that’s why she’s so very cautious about who she lets behind her defenses.

The best defense is a good offense, and that’s what I see when I look at Nadja. A woman who doesn’t necessarily enjoy hurting others — but she knows it’s the best way to avoid being hurt herself. It’s the best way to dispel any misconceptions about her weakness. She’s tired of being prey, y’know? She’s ready to be the predator.

But she’s not cruel, exactly, despite being a real hard-ass. Nadja has these moments of true compassion, and while she often tries to hide that behind scowls and bluster, there’s a kindness to her that she doesn’t often admit to. The compassion that Strength calls for is in here, too.

Like… yeah, she could have killed Guillermo’s entire family. But she didn’t. She didn’t do it specifically because she didn’t want to hurt him. She went along with Guillermo’s stupid play-acting just like she went along with Nandor’s overtures to the werewolf pack, and it's because both of them made a desperate appeal to her with their eyes that she could not ignore.

As much as she says otherwise, Nadja has proven again and again that she's willing to do things she doesn’t want to do because she wants to spare the feelings of her own pack, this family that she’s created for herself after the loss of her own biological one.

There’s Laszlo, of course, and he’s the only person that she’s willing to show her soft side to without reservation. But even with the others, she consistently shows that she’s more bark than bite (even if she is quite willing to rip a heart out if necessary) and she embodies the strength, compassion, and fortitude that this card calls for.

I think that episode where the Nadja doll ran away shows this most clearly; she puts on this front of being a terrifying boss bitch because she knows that’s the only way she’ll be listened to. She’ll use her “special voice” because she’s been walked on her entire life and she knows that being loud is the only way people will take her seriously. But all that is a facade that she uses to protect the soft parts of herself that have been repeatedly wounded.

I decided to put Nadja and Laszlo next to each other in this deck partially out of sentiment, I’ll admit, but also because I thought it would be a great way to compare and contrast the way the two of them face the world. Both of them have been hurt, deeply, and both of them only show their true selves to each other. Both have facades, don’t they? Nadja’s yelling and Laszlo’s disinterest. It’s not the sum of either of them, and both of them have wells of strength inside them that have gotten them this far.

(I’m… not entirely sure how Nandor made it, being honest with you. Maybe he’s just very, very good at choosing people to help him not die.)

Laszlo has a sort of inventive, flexible cunning that gets him out of his messes. He is an inveterate slitherer-outer and he can adapt himself to his misadventures with a sort of quicksilver wit that is both hilarious and kind of impressive. Nadja, on the other hand, simply has the deep-seated knowledge that everything that life has thrown at her hasn’t killed her yet — and she’s not about to let it happen now.

Laszlo may be great at working in the real world and grabbing victory from the jaws of defeat, but Nadja just hurls herself at problems knowing that — yeah, she’ll probably get bit a few times. But she can take it. She’ll burn that bridge when she gets to it, y’know?

So when I look at Nadja, I do see a sort of quiet strength layered beneath all that bluster. It’s not the yelling or the demanding or the heart-ripping. It’s the way she has risen staggering from the ashes more times than I can count. It’s the way she won’t let any setback get her down. It’s the way she’s constantly trying to find a way to twist misfortune to her favor.

It’s the way that she sometimes looks at a creature that’s small and soft and suffering and she sees herself — and instead of putting it out of its misery, she decides to help it.

That’s Nadja, isn’t it? Like the woman on the card, she’ll never shy away from fighting lions. But she only wants to subdue them. When it’s a person who’s weaker than her, she typically holds back on the killing blow. Even when she does kill someone (I’m looking at you, Mr. Master’s Degree) it’s only as a message — she kills one person so she doesn’t have to kill a whole room.

As odd as it is to say it… Guillermo is the character that will tear through an entire room and leave no one left alive. Guillermo is the one who can kill his own kind without feeling any guilt that he can’t stamp out.

Nadja, for all her posturing, is the kind to see a creature when it’s down and show mercy. And every time she does, it’s like she’s showing her younger, weaker self mercy as well.

And that’s why Nadja is Strength.

And Guillermo is Judgement.

Anyway, on to the imagery.

As I’ve mentioned a few times so far, the main imagery for Strength is a woman with her hands on a lion’s jaws, subduing it. This is not a violent card, though, but a compassionate one. She is subduing the lion, but is not trying to hurt it. She traditionally wears white to symbolize purity, and an infinity symbol is above her head to symbolize spiritual power.

Now… let’s get one thing straight. Nadja’s a lot of things, but “pure” is not a word I’d use — and that’s exactly how she likes it. So no white for her. Probably just her typical black, perhaps with streaks of blood. Her strength manifests in many ways.

For the creature itself, I really went back and forth on this one. Leave it a lion? Perhaps switch it out for a hellhound or werewolf? I even considered a wraith, though I’d prefer not to deny the humanity of a unionized worker. lmao

I suppose in the end a lion is still just fine. We all know that Nadja would fight a lion to get what she wants. Or maybe some as-yet unidentified fantasy beast. Maybe a creature will present itself in s5 that lends itself well to this card.

No matter what beast ends up on the card, I want Nadja wresting its jaws open and — yes, I think the little Nadja doll perched on its back like a tiny rider. Any flowers that she wears are starting to fall to the ground during the confrontation, but like her, while damaged they are still whole.

Feet flat on the ground and probably bitching, she still doesn’t want to hurt the creature — and the little doll that represents her inner thoughts is petting its mane.

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#wwdits tarot #wwdits meta #wwdits #nadja of antipaxos

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