#LIKE WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT ANYMORE??!??!??!!!!??! JUST KILL HIM OR SOMETHING
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Very rare nsfw Bird au !! Pls do not interact if ur a minor or I'll fucking kill myself, and then no one will get anymore Naruto content because I'll be dead
So, you know that one type of fic that's like "Tobirama sleeps Madara in an attempt to calm him the fuck down / give him something to focus on / tie him to the village so he will be less likely to leave or self destruct" ?
Ok so THAT. but now throw Hikaku in there to help. They are teaming up to try and tie Madara down before he doom spirals
Ok so. Hikaku and Tobirama talk about how they're worried about Madara's looming self implosion / mental state
Tobirama is like "don't worry, I'll take care of this."
And Hikaku is kinda press x to doubt but also kinda "alright, good luck"
Only for a couple days later Madara to seem to calm down / have become dramatically more smug and peaceful.
So, yk, Hikaku is like "woah, Senju-sama what did you do? Whatever it was, keep it up, this is wonderful I haven't seen him so level in months."
And Tobirama is like "Hmm. Yes. Letting him have his way with me certainly did seem to help calm him, didn't it?"
And Hikaku is like record scratch car crash noises "letting him WHAT."
So Tobirama explains that yeah, he let Madara fuck him. A lot. Also he would NOT shut up during it, which Tobirama also just kind of let happen which also seemed to help...? Double time therapy, I guess
And Hikaku is like. Head in his hands. If it works it works...? He guesses...? Oh my god he wish he didn't know this tho
BUT THEN.
Tobirama is gone for a week on a mission, and Madara is looking pretty bad. Like, sharp decline, he is in a bad way. And Hikaku, panicking, is like "oh fuck what would Tobirama do" and then ends up throwing himself at Madara out of desperation
It works !! Surprisingly well !! There were a couple hiccups at first maybe, but Madara and Tobirama were never exclusive or anything (and Madara might have partially agreed out of spite for Tobirama)
Madara calms down, Hikaku is left with his head spinning and very "fuckkkkk ok, too late to back out now. It worked, we are commiting"
Tobirama comes back and is pleased, less work for him. Good job Hikaku, he knew u were a real one
Now, this is purely tactical for Tobirama (at that point) it's a strategic fuck to calm Madara down, with a bonus of usually being good for him.
So he is pleasantly surprised Hikaku backed him up. He would have thought Hikaku might try and find someone else to throw at Madara, the fact he would sacrifice himself only further proves his loyalty to the village in his eyes
Hikaku one of the real ones fr, Tobirama's trust and respect in him is on the rise
Hikaku still has his head in his hands as he digests the fact this is his life now
Meanehile: In Madara's little world, rhe senju bastard AND his hot most loyal man in the world are throwing themselves at him. He is convinced he's winning.
And like, he is, to be fair. But only because of the mental illness
Madara is sitting around creating convoluted soap opera plot lines for the three of them in his head.
Like, he's imagining Hikaku and Tobirama office cat fighting over him, one of them getting jealous over the other, competing for his attention and affection. Two of Konoha's most powerful, well respected, high ranking shinobi... and they are fighting over Madara... he's so back..
Meanwhile Tobirama and Hikaku are telling eachother ab their recent Madara interactions and going "oh good, that should keep him calm for a few days" and nodding at eachother like "we are in this mess together, my brother in arms"
So, Madara ends up noticing the vibes in that corner and then he possibly ends up getting jealous of them spending too much time alone together (they are strategizing on what to do with/to him next) and gets even more pouty and mad even after they fuck, because "I bet this bitch was thinking about Tobirama/Hikaku the whole time >:(
(Meanwhile, Madara was the one thinking about the other the whole time. Mostly in the context of them joining them)
He finally snaps and rejects one of Tobirama's advances while saying something stupid shit like "why don't u just go sleep with HIKAKU, since I know thats where you REALLY wanna be. You think I haven't noticed you sneaking around with him, huh? Huh? Whore."
And Tobirama is like "are we seriously doing this now? Is this seriously what we are doing? Ok."
And Tobirama and Hikaku now have to strategize to come on to Madara TOGETHER or smthn, or at minimum put on some sort of production to feed into his sudden insecurities so they can guide him out of them
Madara meanwhile remains suspiciously fixated on the idea of them sleeping together (without him!!!! How dare they!!!!)
All of that is to say:
Tobirama and Hikaku end up sleeping together for Madara and having to put on a big show of it just to make Madara feel like he still has the power here.
Tobirama is largely indifferent to this turn of events, Hikaku remains "oh my god how is this my fucking life" but also "well. It's for the greater good, I guess. Not like it's a horrible fate for me."
So anyways: Hikaku and Tobirama alliance to try and calm Madara the fuck down via fucking and letting him fuck them. Pass it on.
#hikaku..... i love you hikaku...#this is stupid but all my aus are stupid. so#naruto#birds fic talk#senju tobirama#tobirama senju#hikaku uchiha#uchiha hikaku#madara uchiha#uchiha madara#madahika#madatobi#tobimada#mdtb#tbmd#tobimadahika#hikatobi#tobihika#hikamada
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OH BY GODS THAT ENDING FUCK ME I WAS THINKING ABOUT COMING HERE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW BROKE UP MY HEART WAS AFTER LORCAN DISMISSED CROWNY AND ASK YOU WHAT IS THE KINDEST ROMANCE ROUTE BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE LORCANS ANGST ANYMORE (not without some fluffy in between) BUT THAT ENDING GOD DAMMIT JUDE WHAT A WAY TO END WITH A B A N G!
Perfection, just 🤌
... but without screaming this time, could you please kindly rank the kindest to roughest (?) romance routes - separating kind/antagonize? I really need a break from Lorcan abandoning us at the dance floor 😭 (when I saw the "me and you" line I knew Crowny was COOKED, BWAH)
Also, I don't think I realized how fucked up everyone was until now. Yeah I know, sHoCkInG, but when Irme admitted he knew about James stunt and did nothing? Not nice man, not nice. No one coming after them to see if they were okay after? Can't blame Lorcan, he hates our guts, but Nia is/was Crowny's BFF... should mean something right? And everyone calling debts on each other in the library? Also fantastic, I love fights (I don't, but do). I don't know how friendship points make that interactions different (do they?) cause every opportunity I have I go to that sweet little red heart in Lorcan's scenes (and he still hates me 😭😂)
Hmmmm so let me see. Kindest is Nia friendly, then Lorcan friendly, then Imre friendly. Then it’s Nia antagonistic, Lorcan and Imre
What’s interesting about you saying you didn’t realize it is that another reader kind of said the same thing too on the itchio comment section. It was surprising to me to see the surprise hahah cause I thought it was obvious this was coming since every time these four are together they fight. The first time they don’t is in this episode when they’re costume shopping. I feel like they didn’t go after crowny because they don’t know how to comfort them all of them are kind of bad at it 😭 they probably thought it was best to leave crowny alone as a way to not make it worse? Not the best method ofc
I’ll give you some hope. Lorcan doesn’t really hate crowny any more. I don’t think he’s realized it yet but his actions (when you don’t mention his parents, orla) show he doesn’t dislike crowny’s presence
So yeah their way of showing the have crowny’s back is either killing James and/or helping crowny not go to prison cause they willing got involved in something that could fuck up their lives too. I think it counts a lot that none of them hesitated to get rid of the evidence there was no “crowny killed him it’s not my business” or “we should call the police” they were ride or die. If that doesn’t show loyalty I don’t know what does
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100% agree, but addition: it's not even just that he killed Ibis.
Terry knows exactly what sort of person Claudia is. He's totally fine with letting her kill all sorts of magical creatures for her spells. He even assists her with finding them and takes an interest in how they work. I truly think his reaction to killing Ibis was because he's never killed another elf before, not because he has a moral objection to killing things for power.
Plus, the thing is . . . it goes deeper than that. Claudia was shown being perfectly honest with him about everything from the beginning - to the point that it makes her uncomfortable in Season 7 when Aaravos begins to urge her to lie to him. She's had the plot of eliminating the elves and dragons ever since season 3; that didn't go away after Viren died. She explicitly was trying to get him back so they could then go take revenge on everyone. It's not even about some twisted "defending their kingdom" anymore, she's fully just planning on vengeful genocide.
And Terry's fine with that.
He only balks when it's Aaravos doing it. As long as Claudia was acting of her own volition, he was fine with the murder, with the genocide, with the bloody vengeance she wanted on the world. Not just fine with it, actively supportive of it!
His softer side that everyone focuses on highly distracts from how dark he really is as a person. Legitimately, right up until he finally left her, I was half-convinced he wasn't even real. One of my close friends (who isn't on tumblr) came up with the theory that he's a magical figment of Claudia's imagination given form. Even the "true of heart" plot didn't disprove it to me; he's what remains of her childhood innocence, then. That theory only sort of breaks apart after he leaves her - but then again, the Season 7 "loss of innocence" meta plot was heavy handed, and we've seen with things like Ava and the shadowhawk arrows that plenty of enchantments, once cast, are just cast. The mage doesn't need to actively maintain them.
So I'm still not fully convinced Terry is even a real elf.
If he is, we can't excuse how fucked up he is underneath the nice facade. I have the same problems with him as I had with Claudia in the early seasons; their cuteness and sweetheart surface is distracting people from how truly dark they are.
Claudia was always going to surpass Viren as the villain of this show. We saw early on that Viren is a coward. Viren hesitates. Claudia doesn't. The second Aaravos got access to her instead of Viren, the old man was getting tossed aside like a dirty rag, even before we knew about Leola.
I lowkey think that Terry is a similar character. He seems like a lighthearted character now, especially since that "Zuko here" scene and attempt at a redemption arc, but I think when it comes down to it, his priority is Claudia and making her happy. I don't think he gives a flying fuck what happens to the rest of the world. Why he's so dedicated to her and cares so little about everything else, I don't really know. It could be just pent up resentment for the world that rejected his identity as a man, but he doesn't come across as projecting that particular anger at the entire world, just at his home village somewhere in the Uncharted Forest. Or it could be he has his own ulterior motives and he, like early seasons Claudia, has convinced himself he's true and right and therefore he has no guilt on his conscience, leading to spells perceiving him as having a "true heart". Most adults have something in their past they regret, even if it's small. Maybe Terry just doesn't, until for some reason Aaravos changed the game for him.
I don't know. I don't think I'll ever trust Terrestrius, but it will be interesting to see how the show takes him if Netflix lets us have a third arc.
"Terry is pure of heart, it is what allows him to see the map"
Ibis from the afterlife. A.K.A the guy he murdered:
#the dragon prince#tdp#tdp season 7#tdp spoilers#tdp terry#tdp ibis#should i tag this as like#anti tdp terry#I don't want to taint people's enjoyment of him#you're allowed to like whoever you want#it's a fictional show and he IS cute#I just don't like him personally
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So this is my Hunter!Dream. He is not a good person, nor is he doing good.
He's been working for the Hunters Organization since he could remember (that is what he tells people). It's basically a cult that raises child soldiers for the Crown. The royalty of the kingdom is blessed with the Enderdragon's magic, anyone who dares defy Her word are harshly punished. The Hunters are basically her not-so-secret-police who are also inscribed with the Enderdragon's magic, giving them super healing and endurance.
Dream knows everything is fucked with the place. Training wasn't kind to him, and he never really held the Organization and their Crown in high regard. But he didn't care. As long as he survived, he was fine being their hound, and he did terrible things in the name of survival. But that all changed when he was sent after George and Sapnap for the suspicion of treason when he was around 21.
The trio basically went on a hell of an adventure. Think extenuating circumstances that force them to work together and slowly get to know one another. Im thinking they fell in a giant ass ravine and had to survive the Deep Dark, Mineshafts, and other things. Dream's humanity actually gets reignited by those two, experiencing true fun and joy for the first time. Along with that, his long buried empathy.
Eventually Bad and Techno gets thrown into the mix (they're here to save Sapnap and George) where the odds are no longer in Dream's favor and people actually talk. Bad, especially, is key to getting Dream to actually consider giving a shit about other people. Dream knows they're all part of the rebellion, he can put two and two together. But Bad doesn't try to convince him to join them, actually he just wants Dream to quit Hunting for his own sake, his own life.
Dream tells Bad that there's no point to saving him, that Dream's a piece of shit who's done terrible things for the Crown. There is nothing better for him anymore. Bad doesn't believe that. That shakes Dream to his core.
I'm thinking Techno and Bad eventually gets captured by another Hunting party (who was sent after Dream). George and Sapnap only barely manage to escape. Dream is on the precipice of something, a choice. He chooses hope, a chance for possible redemption, and he rescues Techno and Bad. Together, the five go to the rebellion. Dream wants to help people, he wants to start caring again. It was a genuinely beautiful feeling he had forgotten.
The rebellion kind of threw it all away from him.
Dream was held under a cell for a long while, he had no idea what the fuck was going on, no came to speak with him. But he held onto that hope that Bad gave him.
Until he was experimented on. The rebellion studied him to understand how the Enderdragon's magic is imbued in him, and it was an agonizing process that nearly killed him. Eventually, he was rescued and found by another Hunting party. They asked him what happened, he told them he was kidnapped.
The experimentation broke Dream's abilities, that along with his injuries made Dream useless to the Hunters after they were done questioning him. Dream felt an itch in the back of his brain: he was drawn to the enchanting runes the Crown uses.
Half crazed from the experimentation and desperation to not be thrown away, Dream threw himself into studying the runes while traveling back to the capitol. He eventually cracked teleportation. He was useful again.
Dream grabs onto that like nothing else and uses it to leverage Anger and Mania out of him to bury the crushing Despair and Hurt that's close to drowning him.
There Is No Redemption. There is Nothing Better for Him.
Dream's put in charge of hunting down members of the rebellion, particularly the leaders Bad and Techno. He gets a double barrel shotgun and gets to work.
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If Jason ever found out that both of them tried (and one succeeded) in killing the Joker
Jason: Okay, let me get this straight. Bruce almost killed the Joker, but then Clark beat the sense out of him, and that's why I hate him!
Bruce: He didn't beat the sense out of me! I was blinded by rage.
Dick: You're not going to bring up that he says he hates him?
Bruce: He's not trying to kill him anymore and I get a laugh out of it.
Jason: Exactly, I like causing him minor inconveniences. But okay, you backed out. I get it, with you, I get it… But then Dick killed him. At the very least, he was declared dead, and you… Jumpstarted his heart?
Bruce: Yes.
Jason: And he technically would have died if you hadn't?
Bruce: Yes.
Jason: And instead of giving your oldest son an award or parade or something good… You brought him back to life? My murderer, Barbara's attempted murderer, and the man who has caused us all… So much fucking grief… You gave him a second chance at life?
Bruce: Yes… That's the gist of it all.
Jason buried his head in his hands.
Jason (talking to himself): It's okay, Jason. Don't freak out, or nobody will stop you from shoving a pencil up his urethra.
Dick grabbed the pencils and pens off Bruce's desk and tossed them in the top drawer.
Jason (keeping his face covered): Bruce… I mean this in the nicest way… What point was being made when someone else killed the Joker? Someone who deserves every single good thing in the world?
Dick (happy): Ah…
Bruce: The guilt of killing someone would weigh on his mind. Eat away at him…
Jason (lowering his hands and turning to his brother): Dick, how did you feel when you did it?
Dick: For the moment, I was punching him, it felt oddly therapeutic and euphoric. I felt awful afterwards.
Bruce: Plus, we're not prison executioners.
Jason: Oh, bullshit! I used to see you body slam villains, beat them to a coma, and threaten to amputate people! That's cool as Batman?
Bruce: They survived and yes it's cool, because I am Batman!
Dick: Hmm, he does have a point. Can you forgive Bruce for reviving the Joker?
Jason: I have... I'm just bitter. I did die, but I can let it slide.
Bruce: Thanks Jason, I mean that sincerely.
Jason left in a cursing under his breath as Bruce sent him money quickly.
Dick: Is your way to apologize money based?
Bruce: Partially. I'm a gift giver, money can be a gift. You don't have to call me a great father, I'm aware I am.
Dick chuckled, shaking his head silently.
#batfamily#batman#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#batfamily adventures#batfamily fluff#batfamily comedy#batfamily headcanons#batfamily fanfiction#script fic#mini fics#batfamily funny#dc fanfiction#fan writing#batfamily wholesome#batfamily mini fics#batfamily shenanigans#flash fiction#wayne family adventures#microfiction#dc stands for disregard canon#batfamily feels#no beta we die like jason todd#writer on ao3#there's a pit that can revive people bruce should've let him die just for that lol
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Sakamoto Days 199!!!
They're so dumb and in sinc already. True father and son duo.
This page and the following panel. What does it all mean? That the JAA was already after Ando when Shin was a baby (and him?), before Ando dropped him of with Asakura? Although Shin does say that Ando is saying bullshit, we don't know what Shin means with that since we don't actually got to see what Ando was thinking about. (Except for trying to flee the country, which is already Andos plan.)
I do gotta add a theory I've had for a bit now. Which is that Shin was actually born with the powers, and that Asakuras chemistry simply activated them earlier than they would have otherwise. Don't know how likely that is though.
Ando points out the hypocrisy in telling someone who you can't kill while being an Assasin. Which is honestly fair, and Sakamoto doesn't even fight it, just asks where the bomb is. (And promptly goes to a straight attack.) And Shin does seem to know where the bomb is, like Taro points out later in the chap. Except maybe, could it be, that the bomb is just a bluff? Or Ando already figured out/knows that Shin can read minds after his reaction before (previous pic) and said something else? No idea. Again we are once not shown what Shin can read in Andos mind. Probably for a more emotional scene later, but who knows.
Sunglasses, Ikari, from the previous chapter attacks (with an anchor, of course, we are on a boat. Should have expected an anchor as a weapon, lmao.) And Taros instinct is already to just pick up Shin and run of with him in his arm. The fatherly instincts in him are to strong.
Meanwhile Shins trauma from being abandoned at a young age without any answers shines through strong. With, for now, the set believe that blood relation goes over anything. I can't tell if the panel of Taro is only him noticing Ikaris next attack, or if he's already thinking about what Shin is saying here. Never the less. He still immediately protects Shin, who at this point isn't a bystander, but still a kid and (for Taro at least) one that has got nothing to do with the job.
ALSO IKARI IS A CREEP. EWWWWW. GET AWAY FROM THE CHILD.
And while Taro is like constantly making sure that Shin doesn't die in all that chaos, ever since he meeting him, Ikari has no fucking issue to strangle (and assault because omg) a child. Just from the start of this flashback it's clear that Taro never liked killing when it wasn't neccesary, if at all. He saved him at first by just saying he would get rid of him infront of the thugs. He then keeps saving him over and over, even though Shin is a little shit and sends the shop owners after him. Telling him to either stay away from trouble in his way, "I'll be right back" - "don't get thrown overboard again" - from last chapter. (Even asking him if he's okay) I just really like this, seeing how despite the killing itself Taro always had something genuinly nice at him. Killing is work for him, nothing more. Not harming innocent bystanders isn't just a rule to follow, but something he deems right. Keeping a child safe in a fight, asking him "What's wrong?" and "you okay?" when the child looks sick? Even though he has obviously no idea how to act with a (traumatized) child?Just a natural instinct.
Between all that he even decides to apologise to Shin because he can't understand his feelings. He doesn't understand Shins internal struggles. However he's not just bursting out anymore that he's gonna kill Shins dad, because it made Shin upset before, and instead says that he's gonna keep the enemy busy and for Shin to escape. Again, telling him to get to safety. And In a way even telling him to just stay away from the underworld I think.
So in summary. Sakamoto Taro is an assassin here, killing is his job. But he so obviously believes that innocence exists. That other people are innocent. He also believes that you shouldn't harm children (after all children are supposed to be the most innocent). But Taro also doesn't see himself to ever be part of that. At least not yet I think.
#But Aoi saw the good in Taro and decided to bring it out#surprisingly this turned out to be more about Sakamoto than Shin#who would have thought#Taro just trying to not let a child die#VS Shin with his abandmonment issues#Taro being send to kill Shins dad#-> Taro ending up as a teen dad 🤣#sakamoto tarou#sakamoto days manga#taro sakamoto#sakamoto days#sakamoto days shin#shin sakamoto days#shin asakura#asakura shin#me: waiting for the lab arc anime episodes impatiently
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Haven't complaint about prison break season 5 in a second so let me remind y'all how angry i still am EVEN IF, EVEN IF WE OVERLOOK HOW DIRTY THEY DID MY BOY TEDDY ALRIGHT even if you overlook that; and in all fairness, it was ok at the start!
T-Bag and C-Note are the only charactes who got decent treatment after the skip. They got something that showed character development and it made sense! T-Bag was tired and living alone in some forest or something after jail and C-Note had a notable change of heart and had become muslim which is such a good something to do w a character as irrelevant as him.
But Sucre and Lincoln? God. That was just evil. Like Lincoln just got all his fucking character development destroyed, it feels so mean. My man had a path he was doing alright WHY ARE YOU TAKING AWAY ALL HIS DEVELOPMENT?!
AND SUCRE I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY DID WITH HIM. LIKE WHY?! WHY IS HE ON SOME FUCKING BOAT AND WHY IS HE SUDDENLY A FUCKING PERV LIKE WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BEAUTIFUL MAN WHERE IS HIS GIRL STOP THIS NONSENSE YOU ANIMAL 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔
#luly talks#and michael well. his sheer existence is a joke.#like c'mon girl wtf. wtf. like just let him die in peace gtfo#and the ending just feels insulting tbh like ah everything was wrong despite it being ok the last ending bc mike is back :)#oh and T-Bag is back on jail because he cannot get any permanent character development bc diabolus ex machina 👍#its stupid its unfair i know i wasnt going to make this about T-Bag but WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINTTTT#HE WAS OUT HE WAS OLD HE WAS TIRED AND THEN YOU GIVE HIM A SON AND HE'S HAPPY GENUINELY FOR THE FIRST TIME AND YOU TAKE THAT FROM HIM#LIKE WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT ANYMORE??!??!??!!!!??! JUST KILL HIM OR SOMETHING#THANK *GOD* THE ACTOR OF MICHAEL DOESNT WANNA DO STRAIGHT CHARACTERS ANYMORE BC I WOULD'VE KILLED MYSELF IF SEASON 6#unless they- NO. UNLESS NOTHING. T-BAG HAS NO SAVING AT THIS POINT HE'S LIKE 60#HE'S NOT EVEN A THREAT ANYMORE YOU KNOW HE CAN'T EVEN GET IT UP SMHHNEHDNF 😭😭😭 LIKE AUAUUSHNFBGBGN#werewolf ripping shirt . jpg
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Saiouma Puella Magi AU, but Kokichi takes Madoka's role and Shuichi takes Homura's.
For one, Kokichi's too naturally distrustful to just hear "I can grant you any wish :)" and not think ok where's the hook. So he just does what no one ever has & essentially interrogates Kyubey, so he knows it all even before he gets to make a contract. So, some of his classmstes are MGs & he won't become one himself BUT he still ends up tagging along to just protect them in his Kokichi ways. (Though I'm entertaining Kokichi lying about being a magical girl, because, well, it's Kokichi).
(I also got a small idea of Gonta being a magical girls and Kokichi originally tagging along him into labyrinths, Gonta also makes him a magic gun from the toy one he had, and at some point witches out & Kokichi manages to kill him with that gun. So he always has that spare Grief Seed on himself, bc it's still his best friend & he can't handle the idea of just giving it away or using it himself (he does anyway in the end).)
Shuichi prolly ends up being a new kid & it isn't like MadoHomu, the ppl who reach him first are Kaede & Kaito, classic. Kokichi's there, too, but he's his usual sus self. He's actually discouraging ppl from making a contract when they find out magic and miracles are real, which absolutely includes Shuichi. He's very vocal abt it, but he won't explain stutf, bc 1) he's a liar, so who'd believe him? and 2) he doesn't want them to witch out upon finding out the truth or, idk, murder everybody Mami-style.
Anyway, fast forward, bad things happen bingo & by the end of the run most charas are dead, there's Walpurgis nachting, and he makes his wish to bring back the ppl who died notably not as magical girls. Contract signed, he fights & fails, rip. I also thought it was similar to how he thought he could end the killing game by himself - he though he could finish Walpurgisnacht by himself, too. And he failed in both times. Whatevs.
Shuichi doesn't actually make his time travel wish for Ouma specifically, he wants to save all his friends. Timelines are messy esp at first bc he either tells then or it backfires or just makes himself look very sus bc he's trying not to tell them. He also realizes why Kokichi hadn't told anybody aby witches at some point, bc, yeah, it messes them a lot, assuming they believe it.
Still, Kokichi ends up one of the few people who are nearly always giving him a chance, not necessarily out of belief, but out of pragmatism - bro can stop time & knows the truth, that's just too useful. So they often work together & Shuichi grows closer to him but still we ain't there yet. But the thing is, Shuichi's time travel still makes Kokichi more & more powerful with each timeline, bc Shuichi usually goes back after Kokichi dies, so the universe figured out this guy's life's important. Anyway, another notable thing is the iconic Homura kills Madoka scene, but it's Saiouma with guest stars of Kaito & Maki. It's Walpy, it's not defeated yet, but the training trio are spent & just kinda accept their fate of turning into witches together. And then, boom, Kokichi appears & steals their Soul Gems for a sec & he's like did u know you can cleanse your Soul Gem with a darkened one? But it's a lie & he quickly tells them so, he just had a spare Grief Seed after cleansing his Soul Gem & he needs them to do some stuff. Shuichi can travel back in time & fix things, and Maki & Kaito are needed to fight Walpy here. He actually questions what happens to the timelines Shuichi leaves behin, and ofc he doesn't know. There's a chance they remain, so Kokichi needs Maki & Kaito to fight Walpy here.
Kaimaki leave, and Shuichi finally looks at Kokichi & realizes sth is Wrong. Kokichi struggles to hide how he's trembling & grimacing, and it's Kokichi, so obviously it must be extremely bad. Shuichi dreadfully realizes something worse, and he weakly asks Kokichi why aren't his wounds healing. And Kokichi just falls, laughing weakly, and Shuichi catches him & searches for his Soul Gem and, God, he knew it. It's nearly completely black. Kokichi laughs & admits he lied abt having two Grief Seeds, he only had one he never wanted to use. But they'll have the second one soon, so no need to worry. He asks Shuichi to maybe destroy his witch form as it's hatching, so he'll have the Grief Seed without any fighting… and he admits that he hates fighting, he hates this magical world and all its violence. He says that Kaito was right in calling him a coward, even here he just can't handle the idea of fighting any longer, he's so sorry. And Shuichi tells him he ISN'T a coward. He was scared, but he always followed everybody, trying to help, and when push came to shove he would always make a contract for the benefit of others rather than himself. He's a lot of things, but a coward isn't one. Kokichi actually tears up hearing that, and Shuichi promises he won't let him fight ever again, and especially he won't let him turn into a witch and hurt anybody, because he knows it's the last thing he's ever wanted. Even now he only accepts turning into a witch to help them fight to keep others safe. So Shuichi won't let him. Kokichi probably apologizes and thanks him and then he dies.
Keeping Kokichi from fighting starts off as a side quest that gains importance with time, bc it's something Shuichi won't compromise on (ah, trauma), which leads him to occassionally neglect others a bit, which makes them more likely to get hurt & ironically Kokichi more likely to make a contract, especially since he gets more powerful & Kyubey is more interested in him with each timeline. And that also makes him witch out super quick. Shuichi's paying more attention to him & over time grows resentful of others for how they're treating him. To Shuichi it's no question that Kokichi cares & is just doing his best to help, but nobody realizes that.
But the biggest obstacle in keeping Kokichi from fighting is actually Kokichi himself, bc he's too smart and nosy, lmao. Even if he knows nothing, he will find out quickly. Doesn't help that Kyubey wants him to make a contract.
Also, obviously Kaito is Sayaka-coded and Maki could be Kyouko-coded, so that's a thing, BUT it's usually Maki that witches out. Kaito is usually pretty close, but Kokichi intervenes & he survives, but Maki later cracks on her own (and since in the new timeline Kokichi isn't there, Kaito's the one to die, so he's still the secretary). So it's Kaito who gets the dramatic sacrifice. I imagine he genuinely hoped you could bring somebody back if you tried Very Hard & Kokichi called him a moron bc obviously it's not possible. If it was there'd be far less witches that there are. But it's Kaito, he doesn't listen to reason. So, Kokichi follows him to the labyrinth. At first Kaito's mad cuz what if Kokichi being there ruins the plan? Maki hates his guts! But eventually he gets hit pretty hard, and Kokichi is near immediately by his side, trying to help him get up, which kinda makes Kaito short circuit a little bc wait Kokichi's trying to help? But witch!Maki attacks them & Kokichi pushes Kaito away & gets caught himself (and choked until unconsciousness, naturally). Anyway, Kaito gets him away, Shuichi catches Kokichi & Kaito makes up his mind about going down with Maki & asks Shuichi to tell Kokichi that he's sorry. He doesn't get him, but he got hurt trying to protect him, so he'll believe in that if nothing else. F.
As for The WishTM, in the last timeline Shuichi lashes out at Kokichi for his willingness to just become part of the system. In no timeline has his wish actually helped, it did NOTHINHG, which OUCH but it also makes Kokichi think out of the box more & he becomes the Law of Cycles. And Shuichi realizes what is happening & freaks out bc Kokichi's doing it bc of what he told him & like Homura they end up having a momentTM in space & Shuichi remembers. He feels a lot of guilt even tho he also questions whether anything was real, but if it was, he pushed somebody he far too realized he loved into erasing himself from existence.
#hope it's not too long but i'll make it a read more if somebody thinks it is#i spammed discord i spammed bsky it's only fair i post it on tumblr too#kokichi ouma#shuichi saihara#saiouma#danganronpa#like obviously normally you'd go for something like Kokichi as Homura and Shuichi as Madoka and I'm just not that sure of it myself#like the vibes match at the first glance but the more I think about it the less it actually works for the characters in question#one of Kokichi's most defining chracteristics is that he cares a lot about everybody and frankly more than probably any other V3 character#but in a very... general sense if you get me. characters like Kaito and even Shuichi pick some people they like to care for and everybody#else is like whatever - sucked but now it's done like after Korekiyo's execution he says nothing abt him while both Makoto & Hajime offer#Celeste and Mikan some more thoughts and compassion; anyway obviously Kokichi doesn't care about say Kaede more than Shuichi but he still#gives all their lives the same amount of respect just for the sake of it; that's what makes chapter 4 so horrifying from his perspective#and also why in chapter 5 he isn't willing to do the same anymore and instead chooses to die himself so Maki of all people can survive and#so Kaito can go in a blaze of glory. and these two are arguably the two characters who treated him the worst (not that anybody treated him#well save for maybe Gonta and Kiibou). so i can't imagine Kokichi in Homura's role - reaching the point where he cares about only one perso#surviving while everybody else can die in a ditch bc the one time he picked his life over anybody else's he had a wholeass breakdown & then#killed himself several days later even though logically it would've made more sense to either kill Kaito who's dying anyway or throw Maki#under the bus since she was the one to fuck things up in the first place and proved herself to be a danger to the group.#Shuichi meanwhile he absolutely could given his lack of regard for some of the dead (Rantaro Ryouma idk abt Angie but I remember little#Korekiyo Miu and finally Kokichi himself) so he could snap at some point#anyway time to shut up it's getting long in these tags
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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"Most," Vi echoes in agreement, but there is something uneasy behind his own tone, it lacks that same tinge of pride. A normal point of bonding for them that, all at once, feels hollow. "I can tell you from first hand experience, we're fucking hard to kill." A fist at his side, tensing at the memory of a different battle.
"Funny. I can't imagine retiring. Being built for this, for nothing else." A statement that carries with it no moral judgement. No bitterness. Just a truth. Always a tin solider, never meant for more. "Must be a nice future to live in, if the world doesn't need Maverick Hunters anymore." It's a dry sarcasm, borderline malicious. You said you weren't decommissioned. He isn't buying it, not a single damn thing.
"You're goddamn fucking right I want to go down this path." Vi has straightened out, though his weapons aren't drawn yet. The tension is there, coiled in his frame, waiting to strike at the first sign. "Either you can tell me the truth, or I can start asking around. I bet it won't be too fucking pretty from someone else."
Every part of him wants to lash out, wants to crack the identical visor staring him down.
"Had a run in the other week with one of us. Do you know what it feels like, having to put a version of yourself down?" Unpleasant, is the implication. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I had to. So you'd better give me a real good reason to trust you."
"Gotta admit though, most of us all have the same taste in weaponry and armor. Can never go wrong with a high offense and heavy defense. A one man arsenal." Vile spoke with an edge of pride in his voice, shoulders back in his usual confidence. If there was one thing that would always be consistent, it was their shared handling of heavy artillery.
The note of them all looking different certainly sounded about right, the Ex-Hunter had yet to encounter anyone with his distinct style really. Maybe a few similar features, but over all, not a single identical one among them-
Oh.
Oh that tone gave way that Vi was still as sharp as he was long ago. Vile shouldn't be surprised by this turn out, the asking of certain questions. Despite this, the way the older of the two of them continued to carry himself was with an ease, as if worry wasn't there. Just that present mild uncomfortable shift.
He could try and soften the blow? Maybe some damage control? Work up to things really. That seemed the best route. "I'm more Retired Hunter type." Which was not a lie merely on a technicality. "But I'm not decommissioned." Also, technically, not a lie... "Wouldn't exactly say Mercenary, but free lance hits the nail on the head. That stubborn woman earned a lot of my respect in combat. So we have a professional relationship." Which was the easiest way to put things without digging in too deeply yet.
"You sure this something you wanna go down?"
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I was just thinking and... Artemis is not kind. yes, for all his friendliness, and all the fancy and amicable language and behaviors he displays outwardly to just about everyone who enters his shop... he's not genuinely nice. Artemis is a demon. in any verse of his, he used to be something akin to a spirit/god of LOVE, but was twisted into Wrath, or Hatred - which is the opposite. After leaving the pits of hell, having his little demonic tantrum and breakdown and finally growing weary and finding some semblance of clarity, he's grown out of what he was once again, and became something new. He's still wrathful, hateful, angry, and morose, but now he's so much more without even realizing. He's evolved and will continue to do so over time even if he stagnates for decades, centuries even. The friendships and relationships with other muses that he develops will influence his personality and the way he views things in time, as we've seen it happen already countless times ofc! And for those who did earn his respect and care, he does truly care for them and would gladly go out of his way for them (to what degree depends entirely on the level of closeness). But again.... Artemis is not kind, by nature and he hasn't been for a very, very long time. He was genuinely just plain and simple EVIL He was a villain - a monster, unrecognizable to how he acts now- doing horrible, unspeakable deeds for the pleasure of it. It's how he got the bones he wears in and on his body. So while he might be polite, charming even, and friendly - if he does not know you... he doesn't care about you nor what happens to you. If say for example, he sees you wandering that ruined cityside he lives in - rampant with entities that prey on the Living - and he saves you from being taken by evil spirits or demons? Chances are good that he did it for himself, or to be spiteful - to deny the other entities their prize (you / your soul). If he doesn't know you, the likelihood that he'll go out of his way for you is very low. But if there's something in it for him, some kind of reason as to why it might be worth his time and energy to actually step in... he might! But like all demons, it's good to be wary and to assume he doesn't care about you or your well-being, at least at first!! Artemis is not nice, but that doesn't mean he's malicious or cruel (anymore. not intentionally - he's quite literally under the mindset that he's just 'too old and tired for that nonsense'.) Artemis is manipulative, charming, cunning - he's everything you expect from a demon (though without a host, so he's certainly not attractive in any semblance of a conventional manner lmao - but he dresses well! and I think it's also telling just how-- *gestures at all that* --that he actually is, considering he's NOT attractive... but still puts people at ease, mostly, and can charm them to hell and back if he wanted to. He uses that not to manipulate people per say ?? like, he does not have an evil agenda by any means. He's just existing at this point, distanced from the gods and devils and just living his... life(?) if you can call it that. He's TRYING to do better. But he's still just... a demonic entity. A greater demon, for sure, if he had to be equated to some kind of level or whatever, but a demon nonetheless. But even for demons, there can be growth! and he is growing, very very slowly.
#( ramblings )#( ooc )#( tbd )#??#ANYWAY TLDR I just wanted to ramble a little#please don't assume he's going to like you or your muse at ALL. he's going to be FRIENDLY. because hes a GOOD BUSINESSMAN.#he's a shop owner!!! first and foremost!! that's his LIFE. that's what he DOES. it's his EVERYTHING. he uses his charm for THAT. not for#evil deeds anymore. its been decades. centuries. since he's been like that at all.#underneath the charming businessman persona he EXUDES is a morose grumpy damaged entity that is prickly and judgemental and hot and cold#expect little from him but push him for more.! he's not one to turn down a Good Conversation. but it will take time to genuinely get#anything sincere or substantial from him relationship wise because he genuinely sees so little value in deeper connections#or in getting close to others (he literally lost everyone he loved and was betrayed deeply to the point where his old self perished and#rotted into a puddle of despair in hell... literally)#BUT !! if one does manage to get through that thick fucking skull (...ha.) of his . well then you've got yourself a pretty fucking powerful#ally then dontcha? jfhjgjfjg#he won't believe you're worth his time half the time unless if benefits him. but he is at times plagued with moments of... curiosity.moment#flickers where he might SEEM like he cares a little bit. maybe he does. but he does not acknowledge it at all and it confuses him if he doe#somehow manage to recognize it for what it is. he's been deeply disconnected from himself for a long time. hes been Lost for even longer#he can be 'loving'/affectionate even/kind to those he genuinely has grown to care for. but that takes some time and work.#the guy is not a nice person. he'll kill you without remorse if you cause trouble for him as long as your death wont cause some kind#of backlash that he doesnt want to deal with or inconvenience in general to him.#but.... he also used to be the god of love. that god has been dead for a long time though. but !! but. but.#all is not lost. not always. sometimes he feels guilty for what he became and did to people who did not deserve it.#its why he still has the bones. and the souls of the people he killed. he'll never be a Good Person. he'll never be Eros again. but he'll b#something else... given time I suppose.#ANYWAY X2...... idk where the fuck......... but. nods. tips my hat. mhm. turns on a heel and jogs away without giving anything else--
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Im actually never forgiving Descendants: The Royal Wedding for being all silly goofy happy cartoon and then out of fucking NOWHERE just dropping "I really miss Carlos guys" HEY DISNEY WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM
#It's so fucking jarring#The entire episode up to that point was all goofy funny times and then#That#It also irks me cause they're clearly moving away from the core four with the next movie#I mean I HOPE so anyway#So what was the point of killing him off at all you could've just left him alive NOTHING would change#Like it's an animated mini movie you could easily find a VA that sounds like him#Or if you really didn't wanna do that#Put him in some sort of situation that causes him to be away from the wedding#Maybe he sends a letter or something idk#Like why kill him if you were already ending the core four's story there and moving on to new characters#And like don't get me wrong they SHOULD move away from the core four#Do not fucking touch them anymore unless it's little cameos#The entire reason they initially canceled D4 was because they didn't wanna go on without Cameron#So if they were to go back on that and kill him off so they could keep making movies that would be disrespectful as FUCK#D4 probably a cash grab but I am glad they went the creative route and decided to explore other parts of the universe#Instead of clinging onto the group that's missing a cast member#I just#Man#You could've left him alone Disney you really didn't have to do that#And in the worst way possible too#descendants#peg speaks
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dude i really didn't think i could get more depressed. this shit sucks lol
#like. whats the fucking point if it's not to make life more awesome for everyone.#i swear to god some people quite literally just want to watch the world burn#no hyperbole#i really wish i werent alive right now like#of course all this shit happens JUST as I start trying to pick myself up and try to do something about our#financial situation. get some amount of passive income in even if it is a stupidly little amount#it's money i didn't have before#but shit is getting BAD.#i wish i could stay on one of my projects for more than a week#i need to get out of this idiot country but i also think that it would be the worst mistake i make#like theres no guessing what stupid shit our pres is going to decide to do#what if i move somewhere just for him to decide to drop a nuke there?#what if i leave and i'm never allowed to see my family again because i'm not a citizen anymore?#what if i stay here though and the civil war breaks out and everyone i know and love gets killed around me#what if i get raped and dehumanized and put in some fucking camp#i don't know. some very very dark thoughts in my head right now#i know saying these thoughts out loud seems selfish but of course i wouldn't want any of this shit happening to other people either#i'm just the scaredest i've ever been in my life#the only thing really keeping me going is my new kitten#if anything happened to her i think i'd end it all lmao
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pertaining to the idea of tenax’s band of strays i do think it’s touching that the kids are the ones who saved him and waited outside the door to make sure he’s okay. for all tenax claims to be harsh and cruel it’s a fine indicator of his character that the kids won’t rest without him and are there every time he’s in danger.
#AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE I HAD THEM STEALING THEIR WAY OMTO#THE PLATFORMS WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNN oh i love being right#also that all the kids are there watching when he kills the guy whose name i forget because i simply cannot hold names in my brain but the#evil one. who i was like oh thank GOD he died i was so sick of this plot he kept killing everyone & i screeched when he almost got claudia#something something calla saying ‘you’re not a child anymore’ about tenax’s cruelty to the brothers (which in my twisted narratives. sorry.#there’s only one scorpus who KNEW the child tenax was. the child he’s still healing and caring for. all of the children whose eyes he looks#into and sees a hurt that’s just like his? the children tenax saved whether he’ll admit it or not? scorpus saved him. and that’s all)#(also this is a terrible thing to say i knew it about but like. oh i knew it about the master of the house. tenax making sure NO ONE#touches the kids or does anything with them really but Claudia and him—the people he trusts which also now includes calla but he makes sure#it’s someone he knows. also do we have a claudia backstory??? or would i just get to invent a reason why she’s there and what she’s doing#and why she’s so loyal to tenax. did she also see the child he was and that’s why she’s so protective of him but also why she gets along#with calla so well because the two of them see how he’s festered in that. like calla fully has the rights here i think she should rip him a#new one for his lack of decency and good qualities he can be corrupt without being cruel y’know. and he should be called out on his#peter pan ass behavior you’re not a child!! there are such consequences!!! dream a little bigger a little kinder!!! change the dream you#made up with scorpus when you were a young angry teenager and make it fit who you are NOW. the life you want NOW not the life you thought#you should have & deserved. what did you learn from growing up. what changed. what do you need now & what do you want. not the same things#and i too wish that this was 30k and covered their entire backstory#BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION of i also need it to be 100k canon-divergent (presumably. i’m only through episode eight. but i can’t imagine#that they will follow the plot EYE would write because they need to have a second season & you can’t have that without conflict which means#titus overthrown scorpus is gonna die metaphorically or literally etc etc the gold faction in shambles but technically triumphant with#domitian on the throne and tenax in a position of patrician power accepted into their society but still not equal and happy. whereas lmao#domitian you’re getting shipped off to some other city because your plot to overthrow titus failed and yet he is merciful enough he won’t#kill you he just sends you and hermes together (at which point over the months long journey you forgive and re-learn each other bc titus#didn’t know of the betrayal he thought it would be kind to send your (ex-)lover with you. do we see how this works perfectly) & tenax falls#back into the underworld where he now knows he belongs because blood is everything except when it isn’t. when he realizes what he has is#worth more. no matter if the blood he has is tainted or patrician the blood oath he swore with scorpus iron on their tongues means more.#calla’s split lip defending him and their winnings. kwaame’s blood on the hard packed sand of the arena fighting to stay alive and to come#home to them. the fire in aura’s cheeks when she laughs at ivy. SURPRISEEEE EVERY NARRATIVE IS A FOUND FAMILY I GUESS IT SPRUNG ON ME TOO.#and tenax doesn’t mind a little dirt and bribery every now and then. doesn’t aspire to former heights and shining brilliant out of shadows.#the gaudiness of gold &flash of fools’ dreams. YES CAN I FINALLY PLS GET MY BLACK FACTION TO REPLACE THE ILL-FATED GOLD THATLL COLLAPSE W/D
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something distinctly sad & frustrating internally about watching someone go through something chronically awful & similar on the face of it to your own horrors & wanting to reach out and talk to them about it to offer support & knowing that by nature of the similarity that is almost definitely the last thing they want/need & so you have to sort of watch from afar and psychically beam your words at them and hope it clicks soon
#the paradox of never wanting to be a burden. of becoming someone that doesnt annoy anyone#is that you feel guilt for talking about the pain with others#and so. you falsely but understandably think isolation will be the perfect solution#''if i isolate then im suffering but if no one hears about it no one cares and no one is bothered so i win''#is a fundamentally cruel take. is the thing. and it is so hard to accept that because of the guilt and the feeling that there is no winning#but the thing is when you isolate and suffer people are now both worried about you and feel discarded. feel hopeless. etc.#and i dont think you should do everything for others. and i think when you are making choices for others it is worth being#realistic about what you are deciding for them and knowing when it is irrational#bc the thing is people do care and that does feel uncomfortable#and you do feel guilty for people being ''bothered'' by your suffering#and i understand the instinct to say no! the point of me isolating is so you dont feel bad about me! stop caring!#thinking this is the righteous thing to say to someone when really it is just something that hurts to hear#i'm still learning it too. i'm not perfect at it. i'm chronically suicidal and always going back and forth with myself about all the horrors#two things:#1) guilt is not absolute as an indicator of rightness. learn to recognize when it is lying to you.#2) the best way to unburden yourself to others is to not kill yourself. to find hope or curiousity or whatever will keep you alive and#grab it fiercely with both hands. to start to be kind to yourself when it's hard and to at least recognize the goodness of others#instead of cruelly dismissing them. i don't think therapy is the only answer or even the best answer. i think too much is too expensive#to suggest anything that isnt something you can do on your own#and it is fucking hard and feels impossible and you'll have a lot of bad moments with it but like. i know you can get to a place where#you're not cured but you're not cruel anymore. and it gets easier from there#ugh none of this will ever get to that guy but i just really wish him the best and ill respect his wishes and not think abt it anymore#but just for the record that does hurt bc i care about people and it sucks when im not allowed to but thats his perogative and#he is his own person and i just really hope things look up for him soon bc hes cool and has nice art
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~ ~ ~
#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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