#LIKE NOT BE SAD BUT ACTUALLY CRY REAL MULTIPLE TEARS

[kiloude-city]

The foreshadowing when Belos almost turns Luz to stone and then actually "killing" Luz with the weird mold growth and both times Luz looks terrified knowing whats gonna happen but this time it actually does-

[kavehayati]

how to kys without krilling yourself ;-;

[a-simple-imagine]

Tear apart the heart

synopsis: you just watched your girlfriend die right in front of you

pairing: victoria neuman x reader

words: 1k+

WARNINGS - themes of grief, blood, death, mention of body pieces

she promised you the world and instead, you got the most disgusting makeshift lab you ever had the displeasure of stepping inside. but it really didn't matter anymore.

that heavy feeling in your chest is brand spanking new. you search your brain for a comparison but it's like nothing you've ever felt before. it's almost suffocating. blocking off the one thing keeping you alive right now. air. gross, dingy air that was so polluted with chemicals and old take out, it almost knocked you sick but now a hint of copper joined this mix. an unwelcome change. a tickle against your cheek. you reach up to remove the tear. only it is red as it slips from the tip of your finger down your hand and to your wrist. you wanted to believe it was fake even as it trickled down your forearm. so desperate for none of this to be real. but deep down you know it is. it's blood. her blood. and maybe the droplets that adorn your skin should have been actually tears but they just never came. did that make youan evil person? undoubtedly. everyone cries when someone dies. it's like the first thing that's expected. but you just couldn't. what you felt inside wasn't sadness per se. or maybe it was. you couldn't tell. it didn't feel like when you were normally about to cry. this felt all-consuming. you felt rigid in this moment. unable to process anything. This wasn't ordinary. most people didn't watch the person they loved get ripped in two. weren’t drenched in tiny pieces of their girlfriend. it felt comical in a way. perhaps that was why you were having such a hard time acknowledging it. people don't just get ripped in half. this wasn't a comic book or some mid-budget horror film which gaineda startling cult following because they used practical effects instead of CGI for the gore but they didn't overdo it with the gore either. it was tasteful. no. this wasn't tasteful. you don't know what this is. you can hardly even look at her. you want to go back. dear god. you shouldn't have given in so easily.

"did you order the food?" you question, glancing up from her laptop that you had been playing on.

"What?" a brief blank expression that settles into a gentle smile. the kind of smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "no. sorry."

"Can I order something?" a silent nod puts you to work and decides what to have. "who were you talking to then- on the phone?"

"Hughie,"

the name alone forms a pit in your stomach. you used to think so fondly of him. you'd met him a great many times but that was before. "you can't be serious,"

"Just hear me out"

"no, Victoria- that man has tried to kill you multiple times," you express. "what could you possibly want from him?"

"out," a simple word. She cares not to elaborate as she walks closer to the kitchen aisle. taking her laptop, she spins it around to face her. "so what are we eating?"

"what do you mean out?"

she shrugs. "I want out. out of everything. I just- I can't do this anymore."

your heart beats a little faster. out of everything? out of this? that wouldn't explain the conversation with Hughie. although they used to be close friends. "what?"

"he's gonna help me get out of this mess," she expresses. "I think I wanted this for a while. like genuinely wanted it not just because of what was happening around me or stan or whatever. but now it's just not something that makes any sense."

"Vic,"

"It's pathetic really but I'm just never gonna be more than a puppet. and that's not what I want- I don't wanna be under anyone's control, y'know?"

"Sure," a lopsided smile with a hint of shrug. you didn't get it. felt like a few pieces of the puzzle were missing. a small sigh leaves her painted lips as she walks over to you. your eyes trail after her until you're staring into all too familiar eyes. usually so steely but today they possess a flicker of something different.

"Hughie is gonna help me get out. if I do this- if I help them bring down homelander then I just get to live my life away from all the bullshit. I realised all I want now is to be with Zoe. and with you too."

"Are we just skipping the part where he and his friends tried to murder you? how can we trust them?" you wonder what she can see in your eyes. the fear of what's to come. the joy of knowing she was willing to give up everything to be with you? That was a crazy thought. a crazy thing to admit. Victoria was gentle with you and loving but this felt like a different level of vulnerability. one you never saw from her.

"I'm not asking you to trust them," she holds your gaze, firm and pleading. "I'm asking you to trust me."

she had never steered you so wrong before. on shaky legs, you push yourself up off the dusty floor. brushing yourself off; little did it help. your heart races with your decision as 5 people - mostly strangers- surround you. you weren't a supe. you had no means to protect yourself here. they don't seem like they're gonna kill you as you turn around to find Hughie amongst them. he was covered in blood too. your girlfriend's blood. it was almost strange how fitting it was. That pit that once formed was now a silent rage as you stared at him. the man who Victoria trusted enough to come here. the man who promised her protection. the man who leads her to her death. he just stares back. a look of sympathy perhaps- no, pity. you take a deep breath and turn away in search of the other person you arrived with. zoe lies unconscious off to one side. at least you hope she's just unconscious. or maybe you didn't? what was a worse experience for her? you slowly make your way over to her. nobody stops you. nobody makes a move. you know you can't carry her so you just sit down beside her. a gentle hand on her side. you don't want her to be alone when she finds out her mother is dead.

[sunrise-imagines]

I love your finn x reader farm world stories you've been writing. They are so good I can't stop reading them, I don't know how to ask this, And I don't know if you're still taking requests but can you write Farm World finn x reader Where the reader is from Ooo, but she looks exactly like farmworld finn' s wife And how would he react. I'm sorry if that's messed up, I like pain.

Ohhhh boy this one will be heartbreaking. Thanks for requesting! Reader uses she/her pronouns in this one

This is an AU in which Reader’s farmworld self replaces Huntress Wizard, love you HW

TW: Angst, mention of illness, mentions of death, hurt and a little comfort,

Farmworld Finn x Reader who’s his wife’s counterpart

• You had agreed to go with Fionna, Cake and Simon to find another crown and make their world magical again.

• After a close run-in with the scarab, you find yourselves in a post apocalyptic city.

• People all around you were giving you surpised looks, which only made you even more uncomfortable in this already hostile environment.

•When Jay first sees you all in the city, he can’t believe his eyes. He’s had this happen before, sometimes seeing someone with a similar hair color to his mother, only to have to remind himself that she’s gone.

•But when you turn around and he sees your face, there’s no mistaking it. It’s you. He doesn’t know how or why, but you’re here again! Tears flow down his cheeks as he struggles to keep quiet and out of sight.

•Once the Destiny gang are gone, Jay looks at you in awe before hurling himself into your arms and hugging you so hard you almost fall over.

• The three of you have to try and explain to him that, although you look like his mother, you’re not actually her, and slowly his smile starts to fade as the realization sets in.

•He agrees to take you to his dad, but is really worried about he will react.

• The five of you make your way to the small farm, where Finn is busying himself chopping logs. He wipes his brow, turning around to scold Jay for staying in the city so long. But then he sees you.

• No. This isn’t real. This is just another one of his dreams. That’s what this is. It’s just a dream. None of this is real. Any moment now he’s going to wake up, shaking in a cold sweat like he has every night for the last 3 years.

• But then you reach out and touch his arm, and he feels the warmth of your hand on his skin. You’re real. You smile awkwardly, a little unsure of what to say, “It’s Finn, right? It’s nice to meet you.”

• For the first time in years, he sheds a tear, and you instinctively you bring your hand to his cheek and wipe it away with your thumb. He brings his hand up to hold yours, feeling your soft hands against his calloused ones.

• “Who are you?” He asks, his voice shaking as if you might dissapear at any moment.

• “This is going to sound crazy, but I’m from another universe, and my friends and I need your help.”

• You try to explain yourselves to him, the fact that there are multiple universes, that you came to save Fionna and Cake’s, and that there is even an alternate version of himself. You decide to gloss over bringing up your own counterpart, having pieced together from Jay’s sadness that her fate was likely an unpleasant subject.

• He brings you all inside, and instantly the kids are all over you, crying and none of you have the heart to tell them the truth, so you play along. None of them care if it didn’t make sense, they were just happy to have their mom back.

• After a tense dinner and discussion about the crown, all of you are made to sleep in the hayloft. But after Fionna and the others have fallen asleep, you sneak out back to the house.

• You find Finn sitting in front of the fireplace, watching the flames as Jake lays next to him. You hesitate, debating just leaving and going to sleep, but his voice breaks the silence first.

• “I know you’re there, leave me be.” He mutters, not looking away from the flickering light. But you don’t leave, instead taking a seat next to him. Jake pads up to you and sits in your lap.

• You stay like that for awhile, the tension so thick you could cut through it, but after a little while you steel yourself and in a soft voice finally ask the question that’s been eating at your mind, “What was she like?”

• He sighs, a deep and tired breath that he’s clearly been holding in for far too long.

• Finn tells you everything, how the two of them met not long after the crown was destroyed, how she was the only one who accepting him despite his past as the Snowman. How the two fell in love, her kindness slowly melting the icy walls around his heart. How they built this house together, and not long after moving in their first son was born. How eventually their tiny family kept growing, only getting happier with each new addition. How a couple years after Bonnie was born, she started to developed a cough, and at the time she brushed it off as nothing a little rest couldn’t fix. But she kept getting worse, eventually becoming bedridden and barely able to move. How the doctors pulled him aside and told him that her prognosis wasn’t good, and while he tried to hide it from her, she already knew her time was coming. How the kids would bring her flowers and help feed her, and how she kept smiling and laughing no matter how bad the pain got. Then one day, she took his hand in hers, telling him how much she loved him and their family, and how grateful she was to have been able to be with him, if only for a little while. And then she was gone, and his world changed forever.

• After he’s done, you’re left speechless. There’s nothing you can do or say to take away the pain he’s feeling, and your presence is no doubt exacerbating it. You feel tears well up and you try to think of what you can do.

• In the end, you just put your head on his shoulder, speaking so quietly it’s almost a whisper, “I’m sorry I’m not her.”

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

So here I am, unable to sleep again, because of the horrifying attack on Israel.

The stories keep coming out and for every new detail I find out, another part of my soul shatters.

[***massive trigger warning for the rest***]

I feel like I'm living in a parallel world to everyone who is not affected by this situation. It's been surreal to go about my work day and regular life as if the images of blood-soaked cradles, burned corpses, raped and wounded women, captives of all ages being taken away on vehicles, video of a small child being taunted for crying for his mother, body bags lined up in rows on the ground, torched cars and homes, and the raw grief of the surviving family members aren't burned onto the backs of my eyelids.

One account I read from a family member of the deceased was that she was beaten, raped in multiple ways and sticks shoved into each place, and left for dead. Another I came across spoke of a small child being forced to watch his parents tortured, killed, and hacked apart. Still another I saw was a report of several children bludgeoned to death so as not to "waste the bullets."

How can I possibly begin to process this?

These people look just like the people in my communities and the friends I've made across the sea. They have my Hebrew teacher's hair, my rabbi's cheekbones, they sound like the shinshinim kids we have each year. They look like the baby nephews of my fellow congregants. I could have davened next to any of them and never known. It is only sheer dumb luck that I don't personally know someone who has died or lost close family.

There has been a pit of dread in my stomach since Shimini Atzeret that will not go away. I find myself on the verge of tears at all times, yet have not been able to actually cry (which is not a good sign; an inability to express sadness in tears is a known post-trauma response for me) and I cannot rest normally. Sometimes I can distract myself for a bit, but the pain and grief rush back in immediately when I remember.

I can feel, in real time, this Jewish cultural trauma sinking into my bones.

And you might think I might be able to separate myself from it since I'm not there and don't have family there. But I can't, because I don't want to. I can't, because some tether bound me forever to the land as soon as my feet hit the ground there, and some part of my soul stayed behind when I left. I don't want to, because these are my people and so they are my adoptive family, even if I do not know them. I am my brother's keeper.

And so here I stand, half a world away from the danger, nervous and scared and grieving, searching our perfectly blue sky for signs of missiles that are not falling here and being startled constantly by the normal and unbroken landscape. The lush beauty of Midwestern autumn woods is juxtaposed in my mind with Middle Eastern walls painted in the blood of my people and their broken bodies beneath them. I see it in the waking light of day as clear as anything in front of me, and walk around like a person divided, in both places at once yet not being fully present in either. I cannot unsee it.

How can I possibly explain this? To myself? To the people actually having to live this nightmare? To the other people removed from the immediate physical danger but who do have blood relatives and/or other family there that they're just praying stay safe and come home at the end of the day? That they are constantly checking their phones for updates or even minimal signs that they're still alive?

The words fail me, but I the closest thing I have to an answer is love. I love my people and I would rather absorb this pain with them and carry it in my soul forever than look away from Jewish suffering. That is a promise I made by joining this people, that my fate would forever be bound up in the collective fate of klal Yisrael. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you stay, I will stay; your people shall be my people, and your G-d my G-d. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus and more may Hashem do to me if anything but death parts me from you.

אַל־תִּפְגְּעִי־בִ֔י לְעׇזְבֵ֖ךְ לָשׁ֣וּב מֵאַחֲרָ֑יִךְ כִּ֠י אֶל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר תֵּלְכִ֜י אֵלֵ֗ךְ וּבַאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּלִ֙ינִי֙ אָלִ֔ין עַמֵּ֣ךְ עַמִּ֔י וֵאלֹהַ֖יִךְ אֱלֹהָֽי׃ בַּאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּמ֙וּתִי֙ אָמ֔וּת וְשָׁ֖ם אֶקָּבֵ֑ר כֹּה֩ יַעֲשֶׂ֨ה יְהֹוָ֥ה לִי֙ וְכֹ֣ה יוֹסִ֔יף כִּ֣י הַמָּ֔וֶת יַפְרִ֖יד בֵּינִ֥י וּבֵינֵֽךְ׃

[רות א]

I do not take that lightly, and I feel it in my bones. Some core part of me shattered at the same time as the rest of my community.

I cannot, and I will not look away. I will not close my heart or shield myself from this tragedy. And I will not forget.

עַ֥ל נַהֲר֨וֹת ׀ בָּבֶ֗ל שָׁ֣ם יָ֭שַׁבְנוּ גַּם־בָּכִ֑ינוּ בְּ֝זׇכְרֵ֗נוּ אֶת־צִיּֽוֹן׃ עַֽל־עֲרָבִ֥ים בְּתוֹכָ֑הּ תָּ֝לִ֗ינוּ כִּנֹּרוֹתֵֽינוּ׃ כִּ֤י שָׁ֨ם שְֽׁאֵל֪וּנוּ שׁוֹבֵ֡ינוּ דִּבְרֵי־שִׁ֭יר וְתוֹלָלֵ֣ינוּ שִׂמְחָ֑ה שִׁ֥ירוּ לָ֝֗נוּ מִשִּׁ֥יר צִיּֽוֹן׃ אֵ֗יךְ נָשִׁ֥יר אֶת־שִׁיר־יְהֹוָ֑ה עַ֝֗ל אַדְמַ֥ת נֵכָֽר׃ אִֽם־אֶשְׁכָּחֵ֥ךְ יְֽרוּשָׁלָ֗͏ִם תִּשְׁכַּ֥ח יְמִינִֽי׃ תִּדְבַּֽק־לְשׁוֹנִ֨י ׀ לְחִכִּי֮ אִם־לֹ֢א אֶ֫זְכְּרֵ֥כִי אִם־לֹ֣א אַ֭עֲלֶה אֶת־יְרוּשָׁלַ֑͏ִם עַ֝֗ל רֹ֣אשׁ שִׂמְחָתִֽי׃

[תהלים קלז]

[kissmypoets-hp]

drarry fan discovers gallaplacidia's body of work for the first time in the year 2024

every time i start a new gallaplacidia fic i need to mentally prepare myself for the ANGST JOURNEY i am about to embark on.... i only got into reading drarry fics extensively this year, so i never got to witness her posting in real-time. i often come in completely blind since i'm not seeing her fics on AO3 — i mean, i do see the fic blurbs when i add book covers on Calibre, yes, but i downloaded all her complete works from google drive and don't really know what to expect... and yet. i am blown away every single time!!!

this gets pretty long (i accidentally Realize she follows some kdrama formulas) so i'll keep the rest under the cut haha

she is so adept at portraying grief, trauma, and unhealthy coping mechanisms in young people, and i always end up crying actual tears???? now that i am typing this out, she writes a lot like how k-drama writers do: she has mastered the art of emotional whiplash — a lovable cast, a kind of sincerity-sadness-and-a a love that saves us somehow, the DRAMA etc — and i eat it up every single time 🍽️ how am i crying then laughing then absolutely devastated then Okay Again Because Despite The Grief We Have Each Other... you know??!! very much girl who is "going to be okay" realness...

i cannot believe i accidentally made sense, but: ms. gallaplacidia also follows the k-drama formula of

a ragtag cast alongside The Main Couple (bonus points if there is a cute child somewhere)

multiple storylines that elicit different emotions from the readers and All Come Together Somehow (to make me cry)

the ending involves neatly wrapping up plot points — even her fics with more open endings feel more definite because something has Shifted. her characters have changed and grown into themselves throughout the story, and while we don't know what happens next there is a promise of something new... AND..... i am absolutely tickled as i type but...

a poor, down and out but hardworking/earnest character (draco) falls for a surly, rich, handsome character with a lack of social skills (harry...!!!!!).... i can't believe i only connected the dots now but. it's the classic k-drama trope!!! it's there. it's soooo there!! this literally happened to our pal draco malfoy. i am absolutely delighted if you couldn't tell.... to quote bell hooks, only a crazy person doesn't want to be rescued!!! a lot of times draco wants to be saved so bad, and harry always wants to feel needed (very true to canon). it's such a magnetic dynamic that always pulls me in....

anyway i've just started Code Name L this week... oh brother. we are so back (it is so over).

forgive me for rambling!!! i don't really know who to talk to about these fics so ALL OF YOU will be subjected to my Posting (EVIL LAUGHTER).... but i am truly so floored to read her works for free and i will def hunt down a copy of her published novel when i have the time and budget.... i love the internet

[jayflrt]

hi im back i swear i could talk ab iland for hours fr ...

smth i wanna talk ab is their friendships on the show and moments that i think ab A LOTTT

- heeseung and jungwon!! i think they grew close very early on esp bc they were in iland together from the start and u could see how sad hee was when jungwon almost got emiminated. like boy was in tears SOBBING when jungwon came back from that dam egg and i felt in that moment u could rlly see how much jungwon meant to him and he couldnt lose him

- JAY AND NIKI like when jay came back to iland and cried that niki didnt make it 😭 they were THAT DUO™️ in the ground stressing out teaching everyone fire. i think they were the perfecr pair to lead bc they both had an insane amount of passion and determination like niki was one of the only ones that understood why jay wanted them to keep practicing and not fall behind bc they both knew how much was on the line. they were also on the same team multiple times which caused them to grow close and the fact that jay was one of the ones who could speak japanese so niki definitely clung onto him and jay would help him out a lot :')

- SUNOO AND JAEBEOM. one of the most purest friendships on the show i swear. they experienced ground and iland together and in the behind cams THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GOSSIPING ALL THE TIME IT WAS SO CUTE. and the fact that sunoo used one of his calls to call jaebeom omg 😭 theyre probably still friends til this day since sunoo cherishes all of his friendships i rlly need them to vlog tgth or smth i miss them sm

- sunoo and taki 😭 when sunoo said he wanted taki as a real little brother I SOBBED. i think another anon talked ab them so i wont get into it much but im so happy theyre still close and we see them interact a lot

- enha 02z omg. iland is where jakehoon rlly took off and it was so endearing to witness their friendship blossom on the show. and jayhoon ☹️☹️☹️ i love every jay duo in enha but jayhoon (and heejay) takes the cake for me. when sunghoon worried more about taking jays place during the dance unit over winning it showed how much their friendship means to him. and when jay says the iconic line "my one and only unit" LIKE THEY ENTERED ILAND TOGETHER AND DEBUTED TOGETHER IT CANT BE MORE PERFECT THAN THAT. and during pt. 2 i loved how in the behind cams we got to see all 3 of them get closer and become the iconic 02z trio we know and love today (im just so happy they all got to debut together it was seriously fate)

- jay and k. so yes, k was really bad on the show and his competitiveness got the best of him. it was sad to watch how he treated other ppl sometimes and i'll say hes grown from it and is in &team now and takes care of the members well. (i watched &audition and his character development was crazy so good for him) but in iland u can tell how much jay really values k as an older brother. jay was one of the older contestants so he probably felt like he had to shoulder a lot and be a leader but when k is around i feel like he got to relax a little more yk? and as we know enha and esp jay dont really have many friends outside of the group (besides sunoo) and im glad theyre still very close til this day.

sorry this was so long u fr opened the floodgates for me skdjs

HELLO !! feel free to 🤝 i love talking about iland (i am hyperfixated)

omg yes there were so many cute friendships that i wish mnet covered more !! :( jungwon and heeseung were so meant to be friends like 🥹🥹 omg in the ghost episode when jungwon slept in heeseung's bed was the first time i realized that he rlly lets himself be a kid around hee 🥰 NO YEAH MY HEART BROKE THAT EPISODE 😭 heeseung's sobbing actually hurt me holy shit i hate mnet for what they put those boys through

omg i felt so sad when jay went up without riki and started crying into k's shoulder 😭 ALSO WHEN JAY DID HIS MASSAGES FOR EVERYONE LOLL i definitely feel like jay jake riki and sunoo (and daniel) grew a lot closer in ground but i was so soft for jayki:') 💘💘 OMG YES SUNOO AND JAEBEOM WERE SO CUTE i just feel like they matched each other's energy so well !! i wish iland showed more interactions because jaebeom clearly had gotten close with more ilanders (sunghoon nominating him for parts, them using sunoo's call to call jaebeom) but i think mnet just focused on the drama + training + a few select friendships

that part where taki was crying on his way to ground and sunoo held his hand and walked him to the building ☹️☹️ they were too cute!!! but yes i remember their pictures together from hanging out n im so happy they're still close 🥰 omg "my one and only unit" changed the trajectory of my life forever like it's been my bio for two years now because of how insane of a hold it has over me 😵‍💫 02z were so so cute :')) part of the reason why i was so sad that ej got eliminated in pt 1 but we got so many cute jaykehoon moments 🥹💖 the entire ghost episode made me ADOREEE them like jake and sunghoon going everywhere together and pranking jay in the bathroom,, then their little dispute "i'll walk you to your room and then we'll walk to mine" "you cant even walk to your room by yourself??" and then jake getting all riled up and saying he could only to run back to sunghoon 😭😭 AND JAY AND JAKE SAYING THEYD SHOWER TOGETHER BC THEY WERE SO SCARED 😭🤚

omg yes jay was so cute around k he let himself be a little brother 🥹🥹 i think he needed that person he could go to and be vulnerable because he tried to put up a strong front a lot of the time and was under so much pressure 🤧 literally cried at the part of him writing all of those letters with his mosquito bitten hands :(( omg yeah i wanna know if enha have more idol friends HAHHA i know heeseung's friends with jeongin, beomgyu, and lim jimin and i know a few members are friends with tnx members OH and shotaro and riki are friends 🥰🥰💖💖

HAHAH no need to apologize i feel insane over iland friendships too 😵

[hugsandchaos]

Final chapter of Caregiver N

N pounded hard against the window of the escape pod, but it barely did a thing. The glass was made to withstand intense blows, and he was injured and exhausted from the previous events, so the fact that his blows aren’t doing much wasn’t surprising. Although it did make N’s situation worse for him. Digital tears rolled down his screen.”NO, NO, NO, NO!!! MOM, PLEASE!!!” He screamed desperately.

His mom, who was actually a lifelong friend the same age as him and their other friends and often acted like a mom, fired another bullet with her only remaining arm at another human’s head. She glanced back at him with tears of her own threatening to break free from her yellow eyes and smiled at him. It was both a sad and hopeful smile.”Listen, N. I know it’s scary, being the first real time, but I think you’ll have to be on your own for a while. But don’t worry, it’ll all get better.” She said, trying to comfort him.

A human grabbed the disassembly drone from behind, but she was able to break free by shooting her broken wings out of her hatches. The torn metal pierced through the soldier’s body and they fell down when she brought them back into her back. She spotted a human trying to stop the launch and shot them multiple times so they wouldn’t prevent N from escaping. Hearing more soldiers coming, N’s friend knew she couldn’t beat them all. Not with her injuries. But she could enough time for her friend to escape, and that was all she wanted now. Meanwhile, N tried using his tail to stab through the pod, but the acid was working so slow that he knew that by the time he could tear a hole through, it’d be too late. He was helpless. His last friend, his only remaining family, was going to die and he couldn’t do anything. N could barely control his emotions and watched as his mother figure glanced at the hallway, and then back at him again.”Please, don’t go!!!” He cried out.

EMERGENCY POD LAUNCHING IN 10...

9...

“Don’t let them ever catch you,”

7...

6...

She turned back to the hall and her tail swished angrily,”And thank you for being in my life.”

3...

2...

1...

N shot awake and frantically glanced around the small room. He sat up in the odd structure of surprisingly soft and cool fabric things. He could see through the darkness of the basement with his advanced senses and noticed the papers with sloppy drawings and weird colored pens on the floor nearby. The walls, floor, and ceiling appeared made of stone and felt cool. Everything that happened after the incident came flooding back to him.

Somehow surviving a black hole, crashing on Earth, finding a mansion that had tons of barrels of oil in a shed, and meeting Cyn, V, J, and Tessa. The fact that his first family was still gone.

As he recounted the nightmare, N slowly began to feel like... He began to feel small. That was the best way to describe it. He felt like he was a droneling again, but this time, there weren’t any of his family members to hug and comfort him. There was no one to hide behind, there was no one to protect him. He reached a hand up and tried rubbing the faux fur on the collar of his coat in an attempt to calm himself down like he did so long ago, but it wasn’t working as well as he would’ve liked. He could practically hear the soldiers screaming and shouting. N moved into a fetal position and opened the hatches on his back, wrapping his large wings around himself to hide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

J held the cup of oil carefully as she opened the trapdoor to the basement, trying not to spill it even though it had a lid on it to prevent it. As she turned and descended into the dark room, she was surprised to hear something. She paused to listen, and soon realized it was crying. She turned around and only barely saw N’s wings in the far left corner of the room with the limited light. J hurried her descent and placed the tall cup on the floor before she began walking towards N. Unexpectedly, his tail rose up from between his wings with the stinger pointed at her. J stopped and looked a little scared.”...N? Are you alright?” She asked. His tail slowly lowered and disappeared. His wings moved, but just enough for N to peek out at her with one of his eyes.”J?” He mumbled.

His tone reminded her of when V or Cyn regressed. At that point, it would take an idiot not to tell that he was upset. She walked closer and knelt down in front of him to be closer to eye level.“Yes, it’s me. Are you okay?” She asked. N stared at her for a moment before glancing down at the floor. At that moment, J noticed the small pink blush on his screen. Her eyes briefly widened in surprise, but then she blinked and brought herself back.“I don know...” N replied quietly.

J hummed and turned around. She didn’t notice N looking at her a little hurt as she stood and walked towards where she left the oil, or him moving his wings more to reach out as if to stop her. He didn’t say anything as he brought his arm back and frowned. Then he noticed J coming back with the cup and perked up. She sat down next to him and offered him the oil.”Here. Drink this, take a deep breath, and you can tell me what’s wrong, little buddy.” She said, speaking in a softer and sweeter tone than she usually does. N wiped the digital tears from his screen and lowered his wings down to the floor.”’M not lil.” He said as he accepted the oil.

He took a sip from the cup after opening it and J put a hand on his shoulder.”Sure, N. Don’t drink too fast.” She said. N continued drinking until it was halfway empty and set it down. After that, he tried to take a deep breath, but it was shaky and a little shallow. He took another to try again and J waited patiently.”Take your time.” She said. N tried a third time and wrapped his arms around himself again.“...I jus wanna stop tinking about it.” He said. J gave him a warm smile and leaned forward a little bit. She was really worried about what happened before she came down to the basement, but she also didn’t want to push him when he’s already upset.“That’s okay. Would you like me to go grab a book so we can read instead?” She asked. N waited a moment before nodding. J stood up.

She walked over to the ladder.”Alright, I’ll grab one of the Clifford books. Those are your favorite, right?” She asked. She turned around to see N looking a little embarrassed.”N-No!” He said. J tilted her head slightly and raised an eyebrow at him.

“...Yes, it is my favowite...” He admitted.

[mugzymiik]

I’m A Ghost– Now You See Me Now You Don’t

I REALIZED I NEVER POSTED THE ACTUAL THING HERE OOPS-

its the SBNS thing i posted as a link once i forgot to send it as text too💔💔💔💔

-

Damn. Not much has happened around here lately. Barracuda thought to himself silently, laying the bottom of his head on the little table beside Dub’s throne. I heard Em telling that sphere– I can never remember her name…– that the caretakers have reached The Land of Spheres. The corrupt pyramid sat up. Hm… That means that the green Hero must have matured. Tourmaline, or whatever his name was. Tanzanite. Some kinda stone.

After a little more time of silent thinking, Barracuda decided to wander the halls of the Tower… Like he’d already done about a billion times now. It really wasn’t fun being a ghost. It wasn’t fun being dead in general. He stood up, heading towards the door and putting a hand on the wall of the huge door frame. Dub didn’t seem to be coming back anytime soon… Damn it. He really wanted a reason to not roam around aimlessly, but it seemed as though he had zero choice.

Taking a step out, Barracuda glanced around at all of the corrupted flowers (and some other types of shapes) walking around. He was pretty sure he saw Ajaceare and George chatting to the side out of the corner of his vision, although he couldn’t care less right now.

He sighed. Fuckin’… Goddamnit.

As the monster wandered, a soft sound caught his attention. It almost sounded like– yelling. Panicked yelling. However, it sounded far away. Odd. Barracuda thought, subconsciously beginning to head in the direction it was coming from.

…Wait. Oh, fuck.

Was that a child’s voice?

— — —

Tsavorite wasn’t sure how he got here… Or, like this… But the only thing that was certain to him right now was that he was a ghost. Not one of those sheet ones you’d see masters of procrastination wear on Halloween, though, no. A real one. One you could actually see through, one that could actually phase through things.

…Crap, he felt like he was going to actually pass out. Could ghosts pass out? Was that something they could do? …Could ghosts even sleep?!

Tsavorite was terrified. Just how long had it been since he had died?! He’d woken up in the middle of the forest, where the clear line of foliage between Polygon County and The Land of Spheres met. But the others hadn’t been in sight at all. It was scary. Really scary…

The green Hero dashed around aimlessly, desperately trying to find somebody, anybody that could see him. There has to be somebody that can help– right?!

In his panicked wandering, he stumbled upon a very familiar sight– Poly Town. An actual civilization… And that was where the Chipzel group lived! Maybe they could help him! Tsavorite quickly headed into the town, keeping an eye out for that house he could recognize… Aaaaand… Bingo! There was Squadril, too, walking right in! Perfect! The ghost child dashed through the door just before Squadril completely closed it, gazing around. Huh– and there was Grandpa and Circumsphere! Woah.

Tsavorite ran towards Cintagon, hope flooding through his chest– then, he realized. If the other pentagon– or any of them for that matter– could actually see him, they would have said something already. And so he sat, looking towards Cintagon with a frown. He was speaking to Purpex… And they both sounded pretty upset.

“Marcle’s received word from Rincle.” Purpex spoke, and Tsavorite could see the emotions in her eyes: anger, sadness, guilt. “…Tsavorite’s dead. He was killed by a corrupt.” That hit Tsavorite like a shock, and as he watched Purpex and Cintagon make multiple attempts to hold their tears– which were also futile–, he resisted the urge to cry along with them. He was really dead, then…

He continued to just watch. He felt like– This couldn’t be real. Right?

Eventually, Circumsphere, Marcle and Squadril entered the room, and Tsavorite couldn’t take it anymore. He dashed out of the open window, glancing around in a panic. This could’ve been just a prank. Right? Right? No– no, they wouldn’t do that. Not in the middle of the Pink Corruption basically-apocalypse, at least. And the look of pure grief in Purpex and Cintagon’s eyes had been genuine.

This couldn’t be real…

As soon as Tsavorite neared a bush, he pushed his hand into it without hesitation. It went through. It fricking went through the bush.

He felt like he was going to cry.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no—” The Green Hero kept repeating to himself as he dashed in a very specific direction… …Was he really that desperate…?

…

He was.

—

As Tsavorite neared Dub’s tower, he was beginning to have second thoughts… Would this be reckless? No– no, he was already dead… But what if he wasn’t? There was always a chance he wasn’t dead, right?! If he wasn’t, there was certain death that came from literally walking right into Dub’s tower. But– he was desperate. He wanted to know. He needed to know…

He dashed in.

One of the first things Tsavorite immediately noticed was the sheer amount of corrupted shapes around the tower. He’d known there were a lot of shapes that Dub had gotten to… But not that many!

He began dashing around, trying to push around some flowers, trying to smack some cubes’ heads, anything, just to try and possibly get their attention… Nothing. His hand just kept going through them.

And so, he decided to start calling.

“HEY!” Tsavorite yelled out to a group of flowers, dashing towards them. “HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!” He floated in front of one of them, waving his hand in front of her face. She didn’t even seem to notice him, she just kept talking to the other flowers…

He looked around wildly, feeling quite panicked… He dashed towards a cube and a flower having a chat near the corner of the hall. He did recognize the cube, though– Cyan had mentioned something about a cloak, one eye, and that kind of hair… Tsavorite waved his hand in front of the cube, too, “PLEASE–?! SOMEONE–?!” Still. No. Response.

He felt like he was going to cry.

After a bit more of going around, calling out, and even trying to straight up punch someone, Tsavorite floated down to the ground, sitting and leaning against the wall. “Please–…” He sniffled, wiping away a stray tear that had escaped his eye. “Somebody’s got to be able to hear me…”

Just as he finished speaking, a large pink figure caught his attention. He looked up, and spotted, looking straight at him– wait–

WAS THAT PYRARE?!

No– no, it couldn’t be. This monster pyramid looked– Just as he was beginning to fully process who exactly this might be, though, the corrupted pyramid turned, and began to walk back down the hall. Tsavorite gasped, got to his feet, and began dashing after the Pyrare-lookalike. “HEY, WAIT!”

Now that they were fully in his vision, and he was getting a bit closer, Tsavorite could see that some pink triangles were floating around the pyramid, and they themself looked… Transparent? Oh– like him! Except, his triangles were yellow, blue and orange! …Wait– that meant–

“BARRACUDA!”

— — —

Barracuda paused at the Hero’s call of his name. He hadn’t been spoken to with his name in years, let alone being spoken to at all. But, as quickly as he had halted, he began walking again. He really needed to lead this kid away from the tower. He wasn’t sure why, exactly… But… He felt the need to. Well– not a ‘need’, per se. Instead… It almost felt like something was calling him to do so.

Barracuda continued walking out of and away from Dub’s tower, with the Hero trailing after him, now calling his name in sheer desperation. “BARRACUDA! PLEASE, WAIT!”

The kid just kept going… It was getting awfully annoying.

Finally, once he reached the treeline, Barracuda stopped walking, and turned to the green pentagon. “You need to go.” He spoke in a stern voice, in hopes that the child would actually listen to him. From the looks of it, though, it didn’t seem like that would actually happen.

The Hero’s eyes widened. He pulled down his… Scarf? Bandana?– Barracuda wasn’t sure–, and spoke again. “What?! But you’re–”

“I said you need to go.” Barracuda snapped. He quickly came up with an excuse, fueled by only his want for the other to just go. “The corrupts in the tower are very uneased by just your Tree-like presence. …Even as a ghost.” He added that last part quietly.

The Hero frowned, “but I–… You’re the only one who can see me.”

Barracuda’s eye softened slightly. Of course the kid would be this desperate to talk to him… He was alone and confused. Still, though– Barracuda needed to lead him away from the tower.

He stayed silent, debating to himself. The Hero stared up at him, an almost pleading look in his eyes. “…Barracuda…?”

Barracuda gave a heavy sigh. He assumed that this Hero wouldn’t leave him alone if he didn’t at least give him any advice. “I–… I don’t know what to do…” Neither do I. “I just– woke up as a ghost. We were right by the edge of The Land of Spheres… But then I woke up like that, and– I don’t know where the heck Mom or Dad or Orange or Cube or Cyan or—”

Barracuda cut him off. “Alright.”

The Hero perked up at that, gazing up at Barracuda with wide eyes. “What–?” “I said ‘alright’. What’s your name, kid?” The corrupted pyramid asked, looking down at the Green Hero.

The child took a moment to take this in… Then he spoke: “Tsavorite. Hero of the—”

“Hero of the Green Tree of Life. Yada yada, I know.” Barracuda huffed, straightening himself before turning to face the direction of The Land of Spheres. “You said The Land of Spheres. Correct?”

Tsavorite nodded. “Yeah! But, I don’t know where—”

“C’mon.”

Barracuda’s words seemed to shock Tsavorite to the core… He stayed in place, and they stared at each other for a long moment, in silence. Barracuda broke the silence. “C’mon. I’m not gonna find them for you, kid.”

“…Oh. OH! Okay! Oh my Trees– thank you! Thank you so much!” Tsavorite sounded genuinely thankful… And Barracuda felt a small spark of joy go off in his mind, from the kid’s smile alone. “Yeah, yeah. Now, like I said: c’mon.”

And with that, they began walking. Hopefully, just hopefully, Barracuda could find the caretakers and Heroes. Then he could go back to Dub’s tower, never to be bothered by this child again. …He wasn’t sure if he would be able to look straight at Pyrare, however…

Barracuda shook those thoughts away.

Just for Tsavorite’s sake.

[marmarisawesome]

Ranting about the London Special

So, i've never posted anything here but I just watched Miraculous World : London and i must rant about it somewhere so i'm doing it here

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

First of all, seeing Bunnyx playing chess with her older selves was amazing, it made me laugh a lot (and it was probably the bestest part of the special but anyway)

Then, when the older Bunnyxes started to fade, it was scary? Like i was kind of anxious and hyped for the following, to see how baby Bunnyx and Chronobug will fix it all and everything. And then, we finally saw what happened after Gabriel's wish and it was so great like i've been creating a gazillion senarios in my head since last year about how did LB/Marinette manage it all, how did she tell Adrien... I'm happy to finally have an answer to those interrogations.

BUT. Baby Bunnyx re-playing the last 5 seasons beforehand... too long and boring

Then, Bug Noire wants to tell Adrien and, not gonna lie, i felt so sad for both of them like, i could feel Adrien's pain and Bug Noire's hesitation (i really don't have a word for her emotion, like she knows that she's lying to her bf and at the same time, she's protecting him from a far worse truth that would must probably destroy his life (and i mean it literally)). Kagami in the background knowing the truth while watching her friend lying to her other friend... it pained me a lot.

Later, when Marinette was going to sleep and talked to Plagg and Tikki... I really liked how we could really read her pain and turmoil on her face. She knows that she had to lie but she feels so guilty about it. But i'm excited for the future now that Nathalie shares the burden with her! They are both close relatives to Adrien and know the real truth and have to lie to everyone, i can't wait to see how this goes in S6.

Then, the whole fighting with the akumatized/new Hawk Moth/Lila/Bianca/whoever that is her name was... I'm not gonna say bad cause, let's be real, it was so complex that it gave me a headache, but it was... too long? like i get that you have to go back in time multiple times to fight and all but did we really have to see it all?

Also, i would've prefered if it was focused on Lila's plan and how she came up with it. How did she know the Bug Noire and Monarch were fighting? How did she know that Gabriel is Monarch? What is/was her wish? Why is she doing this? How did she come up with a plan so complex that it works? What is her actual identity??? (bonus questions : how does she her 3 different mothers???????? How a 14-15-year-old teenager can lie that much, fool everyone, have multiple identity and knows so much about Miraculouses??? Let's hope those questions will be answered in S6 cause it keeps me up at night)

Then, the whole fight was finished (took too long, again) and Marinette wakes up and everything is all good and back to "normal". She then fixes the miraculouses somehow (i want to see how they look like now, are they jewels like before or did they change?) Marinette announces to the Kwamis that they will have holders and they are all so happy and it was so cute, i loved it. Marinette then tells Plagg to go back to his holder and he was so funny about it, being disgusted by all the cuteness of his siblings with the Guardian. But please, I wanted to see Adrien and Plagg reunited!!! Plagg knows Gabriel is Monarch and saw him die! Adrien doesn't know that, how did they reunited, did Adrien cry seeing Plagg come back? Did he asked questions about the final fight Bug Noire/Monarch? How did Plagg act about this whole situation?? I NEED TO KNOW.

The final scene between LadyNoir was so heartfelt (am i using the word correctly?) like, i actually felt LB et CN pain, like really. Their hug meaning "everything will be fine, we'll do it together, we'll win. Together." got me in almost tears.

And LB almost telling CN the whole truth!!!!! I wanted it to happen, i need CN to be more involved in the Guardian shit like, LB can't take it alone anymore, even though she was Alya with her, she need CN's help, i'm sure of it.

Final word : I am more hyped for S6 then I was before, i want all of the questions i wrote above to be answered. I want to see how LB and CN relationship goes, how LB will manage to lie to her partner. I want to see how Adrien will live without someone controlling him (i am still not over the fact that he is a senti...), how he will manage life without parents, how Marinette and him evolve through life with lies between them (Gabriel being the villain all along, them being CN and LB...). I want to see how Lila will use the Butterfly miraculous to get what she wants and i want to see what she wants.

(Side note 1 : I once saw a theory that Gabriel waited for Bug Noire to destransform before attacking because she had her hand on Adrien's amok and she could've cataclysmed it and, even though Gabriel is the worst parent ever, he wanted to protect Adrien. I think that theory is true because many times in the special, we see Bug Noire's hand on the amok and Gabriel's fear in his eyes.

Also, i do believe that Gabriel wanted to revive Emilie in exchange of Bug Noire's life but she manage to convince him to not make the Wish for Adrien's sake. Gabriel obviously didn't listen but changed plans last second because he realize that Marinette is so important for Adrien and, even though his mother would be back (when she clearly said that she didn't want to) (and he grieved her death, he moved on), Adrien would still be heartbroken because his gf would be gone. Gabriel realized that at the end and exchanged his life for Nathalie's. )

(Side note 2 : i really don't like yellow on LB...)

[amazingmsme]

NPMD SPOILER WARNING FOR ANYONE JUST SCROLLING BY! :]

okay so i have no clue how you feel about the au where after max was taken to the Black and white, things were sorta reversed and Richie and Ruth come back to life (basically like the tgwdlm au where everything is reversed when the meteor explodes)

but if you’re not like opposed to it, do you think that Ruth and Richie would get some comfort tickles to be shown everything is alright (including a bunch of hugs and tears and long talks and reassurance.) cause ruth was humiliated in her death and richie was implied to have an absolutely gruesome and violent death (with Sam puking when he saw the body and everything) so they’d definitely be a little messed up from everything

I gotta admit I’m a little out of touch with some of the popular au’s & headcanons in this fandom & most others because I just stick to the people I follow & I don’t venture into the tags very often, but I absolutely love these kinds of au’s!

There’s so many potential for au’s in Hatchetfield because it’s basically canon that there’s multiple timelines/universes, so technically anything can go!

I feel like they’d need a lot of therapy, but if they tried to talk about what actually happened the therapist would think they were legit insane, so that’s not really an option. Instead, they fall back on their friends who lived through these experiences. It’s the only place they feel safe enough to do so tbh

Pete, Steph & Grace are great listeners, & they all comfort them in their own ways, but the most important thing is just listening & being there to ground them. After the factory reset, Richie & Ruth are a lot more timid & sad than they used to be, which is to be expected. But that doesn’t mean their friends don’t try to help bring a smile to their face whenever possible. Pete will offer warm, comforting hugs & sneak in a few tickles to cheer them up after a much needed cry (something Ted would do for him after a rough day at school) & he’ll play video games with them in comfortable silence until they’re ready to talk again. After they come back, he’s not as mean of a ler as he used to be because he feels like they deserve to be handled with care. Steph on the other hand has the complete opposite tactic & thinks it would be worse to coddle them, so her techniques don’t change too much. She also prefers to comfort them by sharing music she thinks they’ll like & does the earbud sharing thing. Grace uses the opportunity to try & convert them, but she knows when she needs to be a friend & comfort them instead of their youth pastor. She actually gets pretty close with Ruth after all this. It takes longer than they would’ve liked, but things do return to some semblance of normal

All in all, I think Richie would handle the situation a bit better than Ruth just because he would make jokes about how he’s like an anime character now. “I’m just like Goku for real! :D”

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written one, but au’s & crossovers really are my bread & butter I fucking love them! There’s infinite possibilities!

[steampunkagumon]

Misc. Headcanons - Digimon

NSFW under the cut as necessary

Magimon

So it's shown on multiple occasions that he and Wizardmon are two separate consciences (hence why he has his own section)

And he's suspiciously familiar with a good amount of things from the human world

Basically I think Wizardmon was the original, Lucy/Yeehaw was sad he couldn't really come back to the human world with her so she made Magimon as a vessel for him

His favorite movie is The Prince of Egypt, which eventually inspires his attack, Familiar Rain

Duskmon

I don't think he can actually see out of all those eyes. That would get real trippy coming from Impmon and especially going (presumably) into Reapmon

He also doesn't consciously only cry out of a specific eye. He tries to hold back the tears all over but the one on his left foot is the weak link

Chase did you actually count how many there are in the art or is it in the Reference Book somewhere or did you just pull the number 26 out of your @$$?

Also has an eyelid/scar on his chest as Impmon from where the Firewall impaled him

Monodramon

His preferred fighting style is based on his current partner. As to why that is, we'll get into my Purge Program theory another day

He likes headbutting things now bc ER has a thick skull, but he was “a big claw guy before” as Meteromon put it bc Dragon Abbey was a boxer

Or maybe they were in roller derby

Actually scratch that, roller derby would probably give him a higher Flight stat

Could make for a cool second character tho Red

totally not saying that out of spite

I know Pyro needs to focus on his mental health and I respect that but why was THIS your solution?!

Wizardmon

I don't care what Pyro says about not wanting to risk misrepresentation, Wizardmon is absolutely autism-coded, *inhales* PUN INTENDED!

I have Asperger's and he reminds me of kid me like

He doesn’t pick up on social cues, doesn’t know a sarcasm when he hears it

he just like me fr

Sistermon Noir

Hehe, nun-binary

Any pronouns but prefers he/him as Salamon and she/her as Noir

Will step on you and then get pouty if you end up liking it

And not in a condescending way, she genuinely thinks that’s messed up

Agunimon

He and Duskmon are so down bad for each other

I don't know when it started (as in when or if the players got the idea) but it just makes sense

“That guy's tougher than he looks. He took down a Firewall.” *casually gives bf all the credit???*

Like, when they're Flamemon and Impmon it's obviously all “eww cooties” but once they Digivolve-

Would experiment writing eroguro w/ them, namely, eyeball licking. “What big eyes you have~”🤣

Gargomon

There's actual paws under those big bulletey stubs. They retract into wristbands, he just doesn't know how to do it

“The Devi's stay on during sex.”

I really wanted to put “[REDACTED]” instead but one of his Flaws is Blunt I’m trapped

[duck9irbl]

Same past, Same thoughts, Different reactions, Different meanings. How can something or rather someone change to the point where, their so similar yet be so different?

The same shared past flashing though their eyes. The same thought 'I thought you were dead' Yet the reactions and meaning are... different to say the least.

First we have, Moon: His Shoulders are slumped with defeat perhaps with relief or sadness? Maybe both. Eye sockets wide open with pupils blown open with a hint of softness in them, eyebrows raised high and his mouth hangs slightly open. With a curve of a small smile? Starting to form or maybe he wants to laugh. Laugh away all the pain in his heart, cause he might not believe what he's seeing is actually real. You can see the slight bags underneath his eye sockets he seems tired. Tears forming in his eyes as they quietly slip out maybe he notices but is in too shock to care or maybe he doesn't notice because all his attention is on Him. His head tilted up perhaps to see prove to himself that it's not just his imagination playing a cruel trick of him. But to and see to try and get closer to Him. He stands their still in quiet disbelief as if what he see's is all but his imagination a dream? Maybe? No a nightmare?

Perhaps it is... we have almost the opposite

Then we have, Sun: His Shoulders are tensed up with displeasure perhaps with fear or rage? Maybe both. Eye sockets wide open with pupils shrinking holding resentment in them, eyebrows slumped low with a crinkle in his brow. Baring his clenched teeth his mouth stretched wide, a little too wide to be a smile looking more like a grimace. Starting to form a scream? Scream away all the pain in his heart, cause he might not want to believe what he's seeing is actually real. You can see the slight bags underneath his eyes he looks strangely enticed? Maybe some irritating amusement. A blurry gloss dusting the side of his eye sockets. Like he wants to cry but he doesn't he won't allow it. His head titled down as if trying to try and get away from the memory. To get away from Him. He stands their silently as if beginning to shack as if what he see's is all but a memory? A dream maybe? No a nightmare.

Moons: 'i thought you were dead' feel like a cry to wind a silent plea to come back. It's soft and careful holding the words letting it repeating itself multiple times as if to not forget or to make it come true. A reminder of what he thought it was. As if he was holding prosocline glass a whisper to have it not break.

Suns: 'I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD' feel like fury, a challenge something that SHOULD NOT even exist like he's exasperated it's even their. A bitterness to his tone as he'd prefer for it to not exist it all. Once out of disbelief another out of out pure frustration. As if being louder would make it go away a scream to have it evaporate like thin air.

(But those are just my thoughts take it as you will oh and good job on the art and AU love it!)

reunion.

[the-ugly-ly]

i still have whiplash from all the shit he put me through frfr. he infiltrated almost every piece of my life. i can’t even lay in my own bed without thinking how it was nothing but a milestone for him and his inflated ego.

i feel so used. i feel so angry. but ultimately i just feel so fucking sad. i can’t convince myself that he wasn’t pretending all along, and it’s silly to cry and mourn over someone who didn’t actually exist.

but i’m reeling. how the hell could he lie to me for a whole year of my life and i never caught on. weeks before his cracks started showing i was caressing his cheek as he slept, thinking how long it would be until we were married. what our stupid little life would look like together. i thought we were everything.

ICK. a wolf in sheep’s clothing the entire time and i feel so stupid and naive that i didn’t see it. i let him in again and again and told myself i was the issue. that i was so horrible and terrible but i never in a trillion years would have hurt him the way he did to me.

never would i have thrown his trauma into his face and made public jabs about it. never would i have continued to harass him and make multiple accounts just to send pages of over-the-top hate mail. never would i have blocked him without a thought or explanation, knowing he was going through numerous tragedies one after the other, just because i couldn’t handle how he was reacting to it.

never would i have pulled him into some sick dance of push and pull and push and pull just because i couldn’t articulate what i was feeling. i never would have wasted his life and time and infiltrated his era of self-discovered peace if i wasn’t serious about loving and cherishing him.

i told myself i was broken for being unable to get intimate with him. but i can see now my body was just rejecting him. like my gut knew something my stupid brain and heart didn’t want to. now when i see my body i see it through his eyes and it makes me feel like nothing. inhuman.

yet here i am hugging myself wishing i didn’t delete his number. i haven’t broken no contact and don’t plan to, and i’m sure even if i did have his number i would be blocked. that’s fine with me because i know it’s for the best and i have to remind myself how cold and mean he is with the messages he’s sent afterwards… but god do i miss his comfort and his soft voice of reassurance.

why couldn’t that be real. why don’t i deserve someone actually like that.. someone to actually choose me with all my rips and my edges and tears. i would’ve endured any storm for him. weathered any trial or tribulation. as a hopeless romantic, as a lover, that should be a super power—but more and more i just feel like a stupid little girl.

[asoulofatlantis]

First of all I have to mention Aerith had Eye-Contact with a stunned Cloud multiple times. It was cute.

Cloud and Aerith first meet on a city street with worn cobblestones, were people were rushing past them.

She sings about them meeting at "our place" which the game will later reveal as the church.

Overall the song is full of Cloud and Aerith AND I may add that in a recent interview it had been confirmed that this song is IN FACT about Cloud and Aerith. Canon Lovesong everybody! (Now... Julia also had a canon lovesong with Laguna and they did not end up together for better - and not worse - but still!)

I feel like this song is also a little bit about a future timeline. You know, where these two will have an actual chance to be together evermore. She sings about meeting again and him finding her and everything, so... yeah... I feel like its a bit about a "what if" - kind of timeline that gives them yet another shot at a happy ending.

That moment was a real tearjerker and I was never a fan of Avalanche and still say that.

Aerith is crying at the end of the song and I think while writing it (yes, she wrote it herself) she realized that her time is almost up and that her wish for being together forevermore with the one she loves is not going to come true, as he, to say it with the words of Caiths divination, is losing what he cherishes most.

I can tell you I absolutly love that song and it really brings tears into your eyes. The only version that is sadder than this one, is when someone puts the full version on with scenes from both games about them and their sad ending.

Anyway... back to our Skywheel-Date!

[girlfrandletters]

Feeling Weird Things That I Don't Know How To Explain

I feel like I need something. I don't know what I need though. I don't know what I want or wish for, or why I feel sad or why I'm sitting on the floor in a lump with multiple games around me to play, books to read, relaxation to do... and I don't want to do any of it. But I feel like a wasted lump of space if I do nothing.

I know my birthday has always been a sore point with me and I haven't really given myself the opportunity to feel the true emotions I get around my birthday. I've generally had people do mini celebrations and stuff when I was in school and I went with it because I was supposed to be the friendly outgoing person and why would anybody want to do anything with a mean grumpy miserable person. But the last couple years, I've had an opportunity to grow and learn myself and learn things about me that make me realize why I do certain things and lash out about seemingly stupid stuff.

As much as I hate putting my emotional baggage on my parents all the time, I have to admit that they are part of the reason I have these feelings. Even just this summer of bullshit they've pulled - saying we would spend our birthdays together and then just deciding to leave for Hawaii at the drop of a hat. Coming back after both our birthdays and not really realizing they aren't going to have time to really spend time with me when they get back. All that just adds to the feeling of not being a real child and not having importance other than being a storage container, a hotel, and, oh yeah, their adopted daughter, but that's just an added side bonus.

I know I'm being cynical and that's not fair. All the other people I've tried to be close to who made me happy to celebrate birthdays with also just let me drop and feel like a waste of time. I've got my own anxieties and depression that make me feel the same way. This isn't all on one person.

But I hate the way I get edgy and upset when people are literally just trying to care. I've sheltered myself from people caring so much that I don't know how to let down the barriers. I'm scared to let down those barriers because I don't want to be hurt and damaged further. And it's so stereotypical and ridiculous and it makes me want to cringe but I can't help the feelings. I wanted to cry today because I was getting overwhelmed by the amount of care I was feeling from everybody, from the happiness and enjoyment I get out of spending time with my work people and the joking and laughing that we do. But I also wanted to cry because I feel like I can't open up to them fully and I will never be able to remove the barrier I've got up between us. Not just the doctor-tech/receptionist barrier, but the "I'm damaged and you don't actually want to know what I'm really like so I'm hiding behind this wall that you don't know is here and won't ever know is here until something drastic happens which it will never happen because I will prevent it."

I hate having a wall between me and my friends but I don't really know how to remove it. I will never be comfortable removing that wall and I'm not sure I ever want it to go away fully. But at the same time, I was going to CRY because people were caring about me, actually fully caring about me. I feel like I shouldn't be in tears because someone loves me.