#LIKE IM SAD BUT IM HAPPY IM WRITING EEEE

[boxwinebaddie]

do u think we can hear a little bit of the kyle cant say i love u ask?

ugh, yes </3

so...fair warning, idk what this is. also...

why is it written in present tense? idk. anyways!

i started ~writing~ something ( bad ) that i was going to maybe slap to the end of the ask, which is not proofread or finished, but basically context is that it's the #ravesey divorce fight, the climax of it...

...where stan starts packing a bag and for one of the first times in his pleated, completed, type-a, show no mercy, no nonsense, new jersey slaughterhouse life, kyle broflovski...is paralyzed with fear.

because kyle who always has his shit together is completely losing it.

everything.

his everything.

his stan.

again.

and he's ripped at the seams, dissolving right before our very eyes: his perfect auburn tresses which usually cascade and glide effortlessly down his lithe shoulders, are fucked up, frizzy and falling all over his face which is pale, creased and gaunt...

— like he's seen a ghost.

his pupils are blown to high heaven and shot to all hell. dilated like two green distress signals. once fierce now frightened, floundering.

his special stan glasses are crooked and fogging up from how hard and uneven his breathing is with the chain nearly suffocating him from how rough and imprecise his startled, frenzied movements are.

he's shaking his head in horror, in shock, in grief, in utter disbelief. really, his whole fucking body is shaking like an addict going through withdrawals, but this is a million times worse than watching someone flush a pack of cigarettes down the toilet. it stings. it burns. it lingers.

in a way that stan won't.

but kyle needs him to, needs him to stay, needs him close, needs him forever, so he's talking fast, way, way, Way too fast, like if he can say enough other words, i love you will seem far less grand and lustrous...

but they're not.

whilist time passes achingly slow. and kyle's given hundreds of speeches, debates and lectures, but words fail him, his lips quiver, his mouth opens and closes helplessly and that booming voice is barely a whisper when he finally musters up the dis-courage to mumur;

"...b-baby? baby! where—where are you going?! w-where are YO—“

kyle darts forward and reaches for his boyfriend before he turns into a memory again, not sure where he was aiming. to please, to squeeze, to stroke his tear-slicked cheek, maybe? to dust the tips of the his trembling, unworthy fingers cross that little spot of sun just beneath his right eye. the gentle curve of his jaw, far less violent than his, or—or even just on the side of his arm where love is written in spanish. amor. like tracing the letters onto his skin would be good enough.

but it never was.

he never was.

and as proof of his inadequacy, stan sails to the left and ducks right under kyle's arm, which collides with the quilted down of their couch.

…their couch.

how long would their couch be their couch? kyle thought that their couch would always be their couch! kyle thought that—

"out."

it was a single syllable, uttered in the same bratty voice harnessed by misbehaved teenage boys everywhere, but it was different coming from stan, whose mouth was not made to start fights or draw blood. it was a horrible, harsh sound, wrought with an undercurrent of sadness.

it was then that the realization dawns on him.

stan wasn't angry with him.

stan was disappointed in him.

which was far, far worse.

kyle wants to look strong, look stable, look sturdy, so stan would look at him — god, he would do anything for stan to just look at him! and stop packing that stupid fucking bag, that dumb black jansport backpack they'd bought back to school shopping because...his stan was going back to school. and kyle was so...so proud of him.

but gerald never was, gerald was loud, so kyle was loud, so when he should have congratulated stan for doing something difficult, he criticized him for not doing something easy! like the dishes and told stan he'd stitched his name into the bag...just in case he lost it.

funny how things happen.

…not funny.

not funny at all, actually!

so then…why was he laughing?

why the Fuck was he laug—

"out? Out? O-OUTSIDE?! stan, you—ya can't be serious?! you're in a little t-shirt and—and shorts, you'll freeze to death! you'll—“

kyle clings to the thin fabric of stan's tee-shirt, admiring the myriad of sauce stains and makeup marks that, on a normal night, kyle might be livid about, but tonight...they're lovely; they're so, so lovely.

just like the boy who made them.

the boy kyle loves.

not rockstar raven of crimson dawn.

but sweet, sensitive stanley marsh.

his stan.

his...

kyle's eyes fall absentmindedly to the tattered hem of stan's shorts, where amidst a jagged, serrated sea of angry self mutilizations past, was a new beginning...the beginning of a word, a sound, a letter...a

K.

a k...for kyle.

stan had gotten it done last anti-valentine's day, as a gift, for him, but mostly...for himself. because stan cruelly hated himself, every part of his body, but he hated that part the most. his inner thighs, the valley that stretched between them...so he'd gotten kyle's name tattooed down there, so that when he was off on tour and missed his boyfriend terribly...he was with him.

always.

so that on his very worst days, when he felt the worst about himself, he could still see his super best friend. a precious skin-deep reminder that when the dysphoria hit and he felt like shit, craved a stiff drink and the razor blade winked…that when he felt falsely ugly...

...someone thought he was truly beautiful.

and he was.

he was really...and truly beautiful.

everyday. every second. even now. especially now. and god, what kyle wouldn't do to place his lips in that spot right there, anywhere, everywhere! because kyle couldn't say i love you and they weren't married, no, not in the traditional sense, but even so, kyle went to temple, a place of sacred worship & recited his vows every night.

every stroke, every sigh, every stretch of blessed skin.

i love you.

i love you.

i love—

"because you're so Worried about me, right, kyle?"

stan sneers, holding his name like a knife between teeth.

"—because you 'LOVE' me, right?"

he spit and twist it.

it was twisted. and kyle feels those spiteful syllables split him open like shrapnel. he gasps like stan had shot him, grasping the hem of his shirt so hard that it hurt, like a little kid clinging to his mother's skirt.

so scared she would leave.

so scared she would go, begging

don't go.

please don't go.

please, please, please don't g—

"NO! i—i do! stan, i do!”

kyle tries to argue but nearly breaks his neck nodding, with his shrill voice weak and watery and wanting.

“baby—BABY! i do, i DO! i really do! i—I LO—“

but the words wouldn't come.

kyle was banging on the wall, iron clad and impenetrable, he fought and shouted, kicked and screamed and still...nothing would come.

he couldn't say it. he couldn't FUCKING say it!

why...why?

Why?

WHY?!

he had never wanted to cry before but he could feel it in the back of his throat. he wants to come out. the little boy he'd trapped back there. but he couldn't be that big again, that small...that pathetic. so he bites down HARD. harder than he'd even bitten before and thrashes his cheek with his teeth, the taste of blood filling his mouth.

and for a moment...he feels dizzy...

because the blood tastes like metal.

like stan.

just like sta—

"save it, mi sabelotodo."

stan sniffs and lifts his head up slowly. his damp bangs are stuck to his forehead, the tips just barely kissed with bleach, mere whispers of the boy they wanted him, those beautiful dark roots growing with him into the man he wanted to be. whose wonderful face was flushed with frustration, whose kind, bright blue eyes were...

god, all kyle had wanted was for stan to look at him. but it gores him; it guts him. it carves him; it cuts him.

it was wrong. it was all wrong!

he took it back. he took it all back!

take me back, baby.

he wants to plead, while his lip shakes and bleeds.

stanley, PLEASE take me ba—

then, in one foul swoop, the boy with the bag shrugs his shoulders and kyle's hand crumples back down onto the couch. broken. lifeless.

"—save it for someone you ACTUALLY love."

[oifaaa]

You're secretly Steph

Bitch I'm not cool enough to be miss Stephanie Brown

[allamericanb-tch]

crimson rivers thoughts (10) 

@tastetherainbow290

chapter 20

i’m scared for this chapter

my death predictions are vanity, peter, irene, and one of the death eaters (i can’t remember their names) (please let me be wrong please let me be wrong)

i’m only reading this one for now bc it’s “quick” according to the author

sirius pov! ok that’s good

ugh slughorn. die.

oh no the death eaters found peter

peter noooo omg. do not die right now.

they’re just. beating him to death. 

WHY DOES PETER ALWAYS BETRAY THEM IN EVERY FIC

james pov ahhhh dramatic irony

VANITY NO

and there goes willa

VESPA NO you will be missed

hodge no not vanity please

poor james oh my gosh

no vanity vanity no why no

tears

ok i need to be somewhere in 20 minutes this is horrible timing but i have to stop reading now

guys im back. it’s been like an hour i am not ready

“She never got her first kiss. She never got to fall in love. She never got to go home. Her prince never saved her. Her prince killed her. Her prince is dead.” SOBBING

why would you write this. i’m so serious rn WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS

peter saving regulus ❤️

IRENE NO

why would you write this. 

ugh poor mathias. they didn’t mean to 💔

irene no what are you doing

MATHIAS TOO NO

JAMES NO what’s gonna happen i’m scared

i know james isn’t dead but regulus doesn’t and no one can tell him james is still alive ugh poor regulus 

sirius pov

yes sirius send regulus a secret message

rip juniper 💔 i know i would’ve been sad if we saw more of her

every time the death count shows at the end of the chapter i get so sad when i see evan’s name

chapter 21

maybe this one is happier?

ugh i hate slughorn

the two victor thing this is just like the hunger games (every time i say smth like this it’s like… yeah… that’s the whole point 😭)

sirius you’re so smart i love you

dorlene yay!! i love them even tho this is SAD

dorcas running FOUR MILES to see marlene 

i love them.

dorcassss tell her about the orderrrrr

“you’re a good friend” ❤️‍🩹

remus pov switch

regulus putting everything in the river ok

he’s keeping his own stuff that’s good

is regulus going to LEAP ACROSS THE RIVER

okay he didn’t. good.

run regulus run go find james

“It reminds Remus vaguely of dogs getting the zoomies” 😭

i lowkey forgot to be writing my thoughts down

“fancy a trip to space” sirius 😭

hanky panky time

MOON

AHHHHHHHH

why are they stopping 😯

oh poor sirius ☹️ ugh i just feel so bad for him like. the way the hallow treated him was so unfair 

chapter 22

james pov!

james 💔

“happy birthday hodge” TEARS

eeee regulus is going to find james

james talking to regulus in his head

“regulus never fails to look up” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

poor james just out here suffering

james getting high off anesthesia 😭

come on regulus you can do it go find james

HE FOUND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

james thinking regulus was sirius ☹️

regulus just going with it

the james pov of this 💔

not him trying to sell sirius about regulus’ “parting gift” 😭 i hope he does get to tell him eventually

he’s realizing

“you came and found me” “of course i did” AHHHHH

kiss kiss kiss

ok they’re hugging i love them

this is so sad but reunion!!!

sirius pov

joffery?! what is your offer

chapter 23

regulus telling james abt irene ☹️

why is this sad

they’re flirting

ope nevermind flirting over

regulus holding james ❤️‍🩹

i bet the audience is eating this up. which is kind of really sad. like. they’re having a moment and everyone’s just. watching.

SOUP 

they’re literally katniss and peeta in that one scene

“thank him” im just as confused as you are regulus

regulus feeding james (this is giving me the ick lowkey)

them talking about their relationship i hate that regulus is only doing this for the games

ugh i hate that james is being so james right now like. i want them to do this in peace and privacy and without the context of the games

“I used to collect brown rocks if they reminded me of your eyes” if someone did that for me i would cry

regulus telling james he was his first love

KISS ALREADY

i feel bad rn bc im like. the audience. intruding on their private moment. i know this is purely fiction but still. 

😯 they kissed

a sad kiss but a kiss nonetheless 

they’re kissing for real now eeeee

“That was one of the happiest moments of my life” ☹️☹️☹️

“now James knows that Regulus would kiss him in the pursuit of saving his life, if there literally was no other option” i am so sorry james

“peter wouldn’t betray me like that”

the tension rn (and not in a good way)

my sister is watching my favorite episode (s2 e13) of regular show rn im getting so distracted this is going to be my last chapter

“You can't protect me from this, because I'm already here” 💔

why is this SO SAD

“If there's one thing all of this has taught me it's that I've always cared” 

the end notes: “everyone: WHEN WILL THEY KISS??? me: be careful what you wish for” this feels targeted

[steventhusiast]

Fanfic Tag Game

tagged by @hbyrde36 for this lil tag game EEEE i love tag games :D

-

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12. a lot of them aren't stranger things related tho! and they're allll oneshots. working on my first (first for this account anyway) multi-chapter fic atm :D

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

27,486 hoooo boy idk if that's more or less than expected. like i said, mostly oneshots!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently only writing stranger things fics, but every now and then i go back to my spider-man phase so i'll inevitably write spider-man fanfic again. i've also written moon knight (tv show) fanfic before. i just love when my blorbos suffer what can i say

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

NONE of these are stranger things fics fdhgskjfhd

When Peter Forgot What Day It Was

Debriefed

Protector

When the Past Calls

Avengers, Meet Moon Knight

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! i didn't for a while because i didn't know how to respond to like, comments with just emojis? i've always appreciated them but yeah only started trying to respond to ALL comments recently. love comments so much, so i want to encourage as much as possible!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm idk i tend to write hurt/comfort, like it ALWAYS ends with some sort of happy. so idk. i mean there is To All The Days We Were Together (To All The Time We Were Apart) which i'm SUPER proud of and that is super sad because it acknowledges eddie's canon death while also being a steddie fic. poor stevie

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmmmm maybe Google Translate? it's not got LOADS of plot in it it's just a cute lil meet cute.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

gonna also knock so hard on wood for this, but so far no. i've received a comment pointing out how i've gotten various cultural aspects wrong before and just corrected, but never something hateful. i'm definitely VERY afraid of getting hate though. i am fuelled by validation

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no, i kind of want to give it a try though? i used to write it (like when i was fifteen/sixteen LMAO) and the things i wrote did well but,, obviously i didn't know anything? you know? idk maybe i should give it another go

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really? crossovers feel like BIG projects and i haven't really done a big project yet

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no. i've had people request to translate my fics before though? which doesn't count but like,, feels weird because i think one time (when i was writing on wattpad), the person didn't even ask they just started publishing my fic translated and didn't credit me.......... was so strange

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

LMAO yes. both with permission and without as mentioned. i don't mind it if people ask, you know! i just have to make sure it links back to me- it's my work

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

i don't know, this is a hard one. steddie right now,, but like. i just enjoy fics my favourite charaters are in, you know? i will read any ship that is well written and contains steve, and most ships that are well written that contain robin, etc etc.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i would LIKE to think i will finish my WIPs but i don't know. im not very good at that. we will see, i don't wanna say any and discourage myself

16. What are your writing strengths?

i find these kinds of questions very hard to answer HAHA. i think maybeeee i'm quite good at writing internal monologue? i don't know. i get worried to say things like that because i don't want to sound like i'm boasting and it not even be a boast that's supported LMAO. i TRY and ENJOY writing internal monologues of characters a lot, and often have to cut things out to make sure it's not going too internal

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

transitions. i'm TRYING to get it in my head that i don't always have to detail every little thing for the reader to know it's happened, you know? need to work on figuring out things people can assume has happened, or fill in the gaps for, and what people can't

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't mind it! i think it depends, you know? if the reader is supposed to understand the dialogue, i prefer if there's a translation in brackets or something, or when it's written in english but the dialogue description tells me the language, more than if i have to scroll all the way to a bottom of a chapter to find the translation. and if the dialogue is NOT meant to be understood by the main character/reader (unless you speak the language of course), i LOVE it i think it's neat

19. First fandom you wrote for?

troye sivan..

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

either Separation Entwined (she is near and dear to my heart) or When Peter Parker Forgot What Day It Was because it's me combining all my favourite spider-man oneshot tropes into one thing fhdjsgkdf

NO PRESSURE TAGS (sorry if you've done this already) @dreamwatch @cranberrymoons @spoookysix @theheadlessphilosopher

[cowgurrrl]

hii i just spent all afternoon reading everything about rockstar!joel and im sooo obsessed 😭😭😭😭 i love him si much please never stop writing him😭 and also the most recent chapter left me so saddd can they just kiss and make up😭

EEEE I’m so happy you love rockstar!joel!! This series has been so fun (and only a little scary) to write but I really like it!!

I’m sorry it made you sad and even more sorry for what’s about to unfold

[scarlettsandmaroons]

OMG

i have so much to say

firstly:

i’m so glad that you’re doing better and i wish all the best for you! you are strong and everything will be okay, i promise 🤍if you need to take time for yourself, do it. you don’t need to give excuses to others. kisses<3

secondly:

what. i need an apology for that chapter 😭 like it’s so good but so sad and emotional and everything. only problem still is that i’m a lesbian so marrying billy is a bit weird but i hope that r gets to be with nat soon<3

thirdly:

about the girl i liked. we have met couple times and i’m like 50/50 is shes gay or not. shes been really nice and we have had super fun but i just can’t tell. maybe time will tell if there is anything between us? hopefully at least. but now i’m just happy that i have gotten to know her better

i think thats all i have for now. please keep taking care of yourself and keep writing this beautiful series!🫶🏻

-👾

eeee hiii! thank you!! but how are you? how are you doinggg? are you doing well? alsoooo. i will not apologize BECAUSE I DID ADD SMUT. so i meann, that's apology enough 😖 AAAAND IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRL. im so glad you're getting to know each other more! she sounds great!!!! i hope it really works out for the both of youuuu! mwa

[emilem-forevermore]

soft answers ig

there are actually a lot, but "dans ma tete" by louane <33

brooklyn nine nine all the way

writing! i love both ofc but writing is a nonharmful way to get out all of my negative feelings :)

comfort, especially mixed with trust. as in. laying in someones lap and closing your eyes and just feeling safe

i like to listen to music and draw after a long day.

i don't really.. candles... but my favorite scent is the smell of all my friends' hair <3

my bestest friend. they know my real name, they know my secrets, they accept me however i am and i feel safe, and ofc the feeling is mutual

ohh um. um. squishies, especially food ones

so many!!! the first one i can think of is getting my black belt in taekwondo. i just felt so happy and proud and i remember that moment so clearly in my head of the entire room clapping and my teacher tying the belt around me.

there are a lot, i'm lucky, but yesterday during lunch my friend and i were talking about a silly memory where we laughed so hard and every time we talk about it we immediately end up in tears in the best way XD and today after school i was sitting with my friend and she kept misspeaking hilariously and we made a bunch of stupid jokes that were actually really funny and i felt really... okay :)

a couple, i'd say, but hugging my larger stuffed animals makes me feel happy. blahaj or the panther i named "harry" for when im sad

drawing trees, listening to either very aggressive or very calm songs, and writing poetry about how i feel.

shower. bc feels like rain.

eeee um homecoming is on friday and i get to work at the gsa table (genders and sexualities alliance for my school)

i eat popcorn when im sad, but probably just candy (white rabbits, hersheys, gummy worms)

i really want to do a big drawing with a lot of detail!!

in a long, solid hug where i can take a deep breath and know because i am with that person, everything will be alright

hopefully all ages. right now, i'm pretty authentically me, and i'm really lucky to feel that way

i've written a couple yeah. dont know if ive gotten one

gfskj so many. but i think my first kiss- i remember we were surrounded by our best friends watching 'the summer i turned pretty' and they were in my arms and i leaned down and kissed them and it was so gentle and sweet and genuine

hot cocoa!! always good! especially with popcorn dipped in

it's. it's called 'songs.' i'm so sorry. my favorite playlist not made by me though is called "That's My Kind Of Heaven" (it's kinda abt me i think... so...)

after a play i did yea

i have four. but the first one is a boy i've known since before birth. the second is the person who knows everything about me who i love more than anything (bestest bestie), the third is a girl i've known since kindergarten who i laughed with at lunch yesterday, and the fourth is my ex, someone i've been really open to and honestly trust more than almost anyone

i'm not sure. it'd be blueish, but a mix of a lot of colors

i'd want to live near a lake, in a smaller town with probably my bestest friend :)

i do, a little bit. for a project in science i grew some peppers and they're still alive!! love those and they were fun to grow

i'm proudest of myself, for being who i am and for keeping going even when it was really, really hard.

i get unreasonably angry sometimes but overall? yeah, i really try, at least.

my hobbies look like they're spread all over my room due to the drawings on my walls and the bookshelf organized by color. they look like my soul, with nail polish on my dresser and poems scattered around in notebooks covered with stickers. they look like me.

amazing questions btw

✨soft asks✨

What song makes you feel better?

What is your go to comfort show?

Reading or writing? Why?

Whats your favorite feeling?

How do you like to take care of yourself?

What’s your favorite candle scent?

Who do you feel most like yourself around?

Whats a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?

Best childhood moment?

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)

Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!

What calms you down?

Bath or shower to relax?

Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?

Comfort food?

What’s something you want to create soon?

How do you feel best loved?

What age in life do you think you’ll feel most yourself at?

Have you ever written or received a love letter?

Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.

Tea, Coffee, or hot cocoa?

Name of your favorite playlist?

Have you ever received flowers?

Who is your bestfriend?

If your soul was a color, what would it be?

If you could live anywhere with anyone you want, where would it be and who would you bring?

Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?

What are you proudest of?

Are you a kind person?

What do your hobbies look like?

[spilledstrawberriestheblog]

Diary Entry No.37

I don't have time to write properly. Yesterday was good after school i celebrate with [🍃] it was really nice.

I'll update this post later

I'm about to go talk to [🐈‍⬛️] how I've been feeling latley. I feel sick but I think it's important.. bye bye

Update 12 hours later:

It went well im really really happy. I'm so happy. [🐈‍⬛️] really understood me ans told me a bunch of things that has been happening that I didn't know about. I won't share them becuz it feels wrong to write about someone else's story.

[🐈‍⬛️] was really supportive and understood me and made me feel safe. It was really nice TOT I feel so relieved I'm so glad I met them. I told them everything, at least I tried to. My brain gets foggy so I hope I didn't forget anything.

[❤️] wrote to me again. They really wanted me to reply to their message wondering if we could chat again, and was worried about me. I asked [🐈‍⬛️] what I should do and came to the decision to write a simple reply that I'm not ready yet.

I'm really glad everyone I've told is supporting me and understands my feelings and isn't forcing me or babying me about [❤️] and making me talk to them.

I kept telling [🐈‍⬛️] how I feel like a dog, and it's not nice at all

I'm scared I don't wanna be people's pet dog, just sitting around waiting for their owner and to get really happy when I get a little treat then left alone again..

It hurts...

T^T yeah..

On a brighter note, last night I had loada of fun celebrating [🍃] birthday !! It was just the two of us, we made pizza buns and watched love live nijigasaki, did idol dances and chatted about a bunch of our interests. It was super fun, we also went to the shop to buy stuff for pizza buns and I got perfume for my sis that we ordered online !! It smells sooo good! Like the beach !!

Oh yes I saw [🐕] and [🌳] at the shop they were just paying, [🌳] didn't see me but [🐕] did and waved at me so I waved back. Made me happy

Also it was strange I dunno what came over me maybe I was just too giddy but at the dorms when we made pizza buns a person from my class [🐸] popped their head out and was like WOAH WHATS SMELLING SO GOOD!! I was too shy when it happened but when we were walking to [🍃] bedroom [🐸] was like woahhhh yummy !!! So I gave them one !!! Quq

And then later on, after I went to grab a change of clothes (I was wearing a really warm turtleneck and needed a tshirt to dance) I was greeted by the girlfriend of a guy in our class which made me happy she said my name and everything Q0QQQ and [🐸] was still there and I started patting their head and nose and they were like WOAHH SO MUCH HEAD PATS AND LOVE

Q\\\\Q I dunno why I did that I never talk to them

ANYWAY

I GAVE [🍃] THEIR BDAY PRESENT AND THE LOVED IT IT MADE ME SO HAPPY !! EEEE

also I'm on ch45 of blue flag I'm so sad I don't want it to endddddd

Oh yeh I got my first likes on my entry no.33 and I'm a lil nervous, it's cool but also scary q~q I wanna make sure this stays a safe space for me where I can scream into the void about my life without worries...

Gn everyone >3<

[nana-au]

I’m honestly so anxious for the next chapters I’ve been checking your blog obsessively for an update and I just can’t wait aaaah! 😭

I’ve had this fear that the nsfw part is going to be satoru x princess but seeing how you’re excited im feeling a bit hopeful… anyway, I have a question which obviously you don’t have to respond to since I suppose it’s a spoiler but do you think the ending will be angst or a happy one? Thank you for this story btw, it’s so nice but so nerve wracking at the same time it’s keeping me in my toes 🫶🏻

hey lovely! thank you for sending a msg i love hearing all of ur thoughts eeee! there is SLIGHT spoilers ahead but Not Really - i more want to elaborate on the character's thoughts and also my own.

ok first let me ease ur worries by saying satoru finds the princess lovely but wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. like she is sweet and down to earth but she simply is not you. i personally interpret reader and satoru being soul mates - they are completely wrapped up in each other's worlds and they cannot fathom a life without the other. like they both would rather be alone than replace the other (all though they worry the other does not share the same sentiment; hence the jealousy and hurt). so i hope that makes you feel better in that regard! i don't want to spoil how the story takes a nsfw turn - but it probably is not in the way anyone is expecting.

and second, i HATE sad endings. like i always feel so unfulfilled when a story has a sad conclusion. so i am not gonna write one lol.

slight spoilers over - thank you so much for your continued interest in this series, i really did not expect this reaction but i feel so fulfilled knowing that people are genuinely interested in it like i am! thank you so much for the compliment and i hope i continue to write something that you enjoy.

i hope you have a great weekend coming up!!! again, thank you.

[inexplicifics]

hi!!! i’m so glad i found ur work and that ur so happy to interact with fans!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

one thing i rly love about ur writing that i don’t see as much as i’d like in fiction, is how…perceptive? i guess? ur characters are. one thing that bugs me in a lot of writing is how characters, either the pov character or not, will basically ignore tone and context clues so that they’re surprised by stuff later that they rly should have seen coming, or that a real person would have figured out.

my fave bits of ur stories (admittedly i’ve only read the whole awau so far, i want to read mbtt but i have to psych myself up to read anything w/o my comfort character aka jaskier) are when the characters put stuff together without being told, like when milena notices how upset lambert is to hear why jaskier was sent to kaer morhen, and realizes that jaskier must be telling the truth that a) geralt Isn’t Like That and also b) witchers are clearly horrified by the idea so probably they’re not so bad? or when eist (love love love ur eist pov btw) puts together what happened with henselt from context clues and bits of conversation he doesn’t quite understand. or even just at the beginning, when jaskier is like “hmm they are scary but also apparently Safe For Children? and also other humans? so probably those rumors were bullshit, huh?” for stuff like that, maybe it’s just bc i have the reader’s outside perspective and the characters don’t but im always like “but why are they still afraid/confused/sad/etc literally they basically just got told the whole truth?? i would have figured that out!” like sometimes ur characters should make this face 🤔 ok!!! let them be clever!!! it’s a payoff for the reader!!!!!!!!! 😡

so anyway ty for ig being respectful of the intelligence of both ur readers and ur characters, it’s v refreshing and also v satisfying to read! 🥰😇💚

Eeee, thank you so much for this beautiful compliment!

I do like letting my characters be clever and perceptive. For Jaskier especially, he's a bard, his job is about being clever and perceptive. When he's not paralyzed with fear, he's pretty good at it!

[tsukidrama]

First off, I absolutely adored Chapter Six. Normally I don't like angst because it makes me cry, but holy shit. The beginning with Connie and Jean was amazing and I was really happy to see them included! When they were hugging the cows melted my heart. My boys!

The reader trying to get into the house to be with Annie when she found out about going back actually had my heart beating. It really shows how much she cares about Annie, just wanting to be there with her. And when Annie said she'd only come if the reader stayed-- be still my heart! Though like I said, it was devastating.

SORRY SORRY IM SORRY. thank you sooo much pink!! i loved writing Connie and Jean. they remind me of my goofball brothers, so maybe that's why i had so much fun?

proud of myself for evoking the emotional reaction i wanted but..... SO SORRY OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE !

> The scene where they were on the nook by the window, I really loved that part. When the reader slept through the discomfort just so Annie would get some sleep in her arms almost made me tear up. And when Annie broke down! Tears. <

> I wish she didn't have to leave, especially when things were getting good. At the end, when Annie shuts down and stops singing and smiling and laughing, it actually would have the same affect if you took a sledgehammer to my heart. Seriously, I was so upset. <

> Keep in mind that evoking tears from me is a good thing, I loved this chapter. I might reread it on AO3, as last night I was low on brain cells but high on emotions. I apologize for losing my composure before, that chapter absolutely rocked my shit. <

it's worth being uncomfortable 🥺😭 it's sad but reader being there for her is better than what it'll be like for Annie to be on her own... FUUUUUUUCK !

oop. yeahhh that's the intention... funnily enough, that's the exact bit that i wrote and then was immediately like: WAIT THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE I GOTTA WARN PEOPLE

haha if you read it too closely you'll notice all my little mistakes! someday i'll go through and re-edit everything, or get someone else to do it for me. pfft i love love loved your keysmashing screaming response, it was so genuine and literally made my heart explode. it's not a problem and in fact pls do it again queen!

> Onto your response from before the chapter (I'm pretty sure), I one hundred percent agree that she would be into woodworking and making furniture. Carving intricate designs into chairs and tables, spending hours with saws and picks, totally Annie. Not to mention what it would do to her hands! They would be strong and calloused for sure (*cough cough* AWOOGA *cough cough*). <

i really like the idea of her decorating shit that you already have. like she doesn't want to throw away perfectly usable furniture but everything is a little plain for her tastes.. so Annie just drags the couch into the yard and carves borders and flowers, and whatever else into the wood. maybe she puts a new coat of finisher on it too but i love the idea of her adding a special touch to otherwise ordinary things.

oh yeah oh yeah, definitely with her working out on the farm and doing repairs it's canon in the fic that she's got some ROUGH hands... and you know i've got trnt smut in the works too and mama WILL provide.

> I saw the flannel! Thank you for that! Pay back for the sadness caused by that chapter. And I also agree that Pepa is a milf, I really enjoyed her character and the mood swings were funny. <

> Goodness, this is a long message! I'd like to end it by saying that your writing is on point, as always, and that I'm looking forward to whatever you post next! <

eeee hahah jskldfalskj well did it work? did it make up for it? sleepy bedhead flannel Annie in exchange for a sledgehammer to the heart?

girl! your long message was much appreciated, beloved! you're amazing and my heart is so full!

> I wish you happy times, friend, <

> Pink Anon <

thank you 😭💕 and to you as well

[asukaskerian]

youve totally converted me to grimmichihime and im really tempted to embark on a big fic about it but ive never written polyamory before and im really daunted !! any tips on writing poly and like how you see the dynamic of those three specifically?

eeee! :D :D :D write it write it write it!

ok OK ok hmmmmm ADVICE. i’m kinda scattered today so i’m gonna try to write all the things but i probably will not manage even most things.

general poly things:

-Closed triangle dynamics where all three love the other two are actually pretty rare and difficult irl! People rarely line up so nicely. what happens more often is a person has two boyfriends (romantic partnerships), one of those boyfriends has a wife (main/primary relationship) and three lovers (secondary relationships) where it’s more flirty and sexual and fun and less with the “help me while i grieve my dead mom”,  two of those lovers are also each other’s lovers. Or two committed couples are wife-swapping swingers, or a het couple has a “same sex partners are ok but not opposite sex” or vice versa, etc etc, there’s lots of flavors of poly and open relationships.

Fandom-wise it sounds like you’re writing the closed triad OT3 so let’s go with that though.

–Every person is different so every relationship with a single twosome has a different dynamic. Adding a third person means you now have AB, BC, AC and ABC dynamics to handle. What makes a poly ship fun is that those people are different and handle everything differently.

In other words, c h a o s.

–Every person has different insecurities (What makes them feel hurt, disregarded, disrespected?) and different relationship needs. (How do they ask for them, how do they react when they’re not met, how much compromise are they willing to deal with?) Some of those needs will conflict, or be assumed to conflict. Sometimes the way to make a person feel better will make another feel worse?! Well damn. Negotiating will HAVE to happen in some way.

Things being too easy are kinda boring to read though, so that’s fine in a fic. XD It kinda makes its own plot tbh.

–Some people don’t have a sense of jealousy at all and are just happy that the person/people they love are also happy. Some are possessive but not jealous (do whoever you want/build the outside attachments you want so long as at the end of the day you’re mine). Some are jealous but willing to deal with their own feelings because the payoff is worth the twinges. Some aren’t jealous but think they should be and only feel awkward and confused and maybe sad because they’re turning it inwards and never examinated it. etc etc.

I’m sure there’s more but i cannot brain. Anyway let’s pull up the grimmichihime for examples.

* Dynamics:

-Grimmjow/Ichigo: RIVALS who understand each other uncomfortably well in the dark corners of their psyche but keep butting heads. They just want the other one to respect them damn it. But they have very different contexts so like, are they still speaking the same language when they’re not speaking with blades?

-Ichigo/Orihime: Let me tenderly protect your sensitive places while I blush in silence while being too shy to make a move for like actual years. Also both of them think the other one is too good for them. Haa, kids. XD A very sweet and innocent First Romance vibe.

-Grimmjow/Orihime: this one has the least positive canon material, so you’ve got to imagine for yourself how the two of them would interact when they’re not under pressure. If Grimmjow isn’t fighting for survival/respect does he still trample all over her? If Orihime isn’t held hostage by crazy assholes threatening the lives of everyone she holds dear does she still flinch and grit her teeth in terrified resolve from his more volatile moments? Ok but do they connect? How? (It could easily have a dynamic like one of those bodice rippers where the genteel lady is kidnapped by a pirate and at the end of the trip he’s bending over backwards for her favor tbh XD)

-Third person reacting to the other two: —How does Orihime handle the constant barbs and physical jostling between Ichigo and Grimmjow? She doesn’t like physical violence, does she learn to see it as boys roughhousing or do they learn not to raise their voices too harshly around her? —How does Ichigo’s overprotective ass handle Grimmjow being insensitive or crude to her? Does she have to tell Ichigo it’s ok and she can handle it? (Does Grimmjow somehow develop Some Tact?) —Does Grimmjow have a single idea how to deal with their quiet gentleness? Cuddle time? What the fuck is a love language. Does not getting it bother him and make him hostile because he feels disconnected from them?

-What do they do when it’s all three of them at once? How do they hang out? Is there something they can all do together and how important is it to them, or are they okay with limiting that to have more one-on-one time instead? How do they handle time-sharing issues?

*Insecurities & jealousy :

-Is Grimmjow possessive and over what? Sex, time, training, angry moments? Do you headcanon him as sleeping around without any emotions attached or as avoiding people? Has he ever dated/been in a closed romantic partnership before? Can he even recognize the signs? How does he handle being from literally another planet from two of his partners and being stared at in confusion and/or horror while they bond over Not Getting Him and him Not Getting Them? Does he feel like a curiosity or a sex toy to spice up the Real Partnership ™ ?

-How does Ichigo handle the “yeah you’re dating two people and one of them is the girl everyone ships you with, and the other one is a guy everyone wonders wtf about” from the outside? How does he deal with endangering Orihime’s heart? (like, what if she gets attached and Grimmjow predictably breaks her heart in a thousand pieces and it’s Ichigo’s fault for allowing it to happen? What if he’s nasty in bed. What if he doesn’t flush.) Does Ichigo figure out/remember that he’s dating TWO people and Grimmjow might deny to hell and back he has feelings that can be hurt but does, in fact, have feelings that can be hurt, and now it’s Ichigo’s fault for coddling Orihime over him. Does he feel insecure over Grimmjow’s experience or the wild and spontaneous things he does with Orihime and the way they can laugh without it turning into a competition?

-Orihime is canonly insecure over what other people can bring Ichigo that she can’t, and she has a massive insecurity about not being able to protect Ichigo/following him on the battlefield. She’s been training like mad to catch up, and by the end of canon she’s quite happy for having been acknowledged by Ichigo on that point, but when faced with a dude who doesn’t feel sick every time he has to raise his fists and has reflexes like greased lightning, does she still feel like she contributes equally or does her self-doubt rear its head up again? Does it also spread out to things like idk, she can’t fully satisfy Ichigo sexually and he’s always going to be missing something if he’s with just her? Is she ever going to feel like Grimmjow, who doesn’t open up easily, only tolerates her because Ichigo’s the one he really wants, and sure he will casually and easily chat with her but that’s because he doesn’t care about her approval as much?

How do they notice these feelings, run from them, confront them, fix them, etc etc etc? Some are gonna be fixed super easily, some are gonna be non-issues depending on the context of your plot, and some of them are probably gonna make for fun plot, and of course there’s probably a dozen more other angles you could go with.

–

Be wary when you write a threesome not to make one of the characters the support who’s there to facilitate the “more interesting” pairing and doesn’t really get any emotional fulfillment from it. It’s perfectly fine to write, say, a voyeur who facilitates a sex scene with their lover and some other guy and the camera is mostly on the porn, but they have to be present in the fic as more than the helper. Like the sassy friend couple or The Sam in MCU fics who’s only there to get the main pairing to hook up.

It’s ok if not all three characters have as much presence and impact on the plot because perfectly equal screentime is a pipe dream, but all three should still have stakes in the plot and derive satisfaction from the end result. Otherwise they’ll feel superfluous in their own damn plot, and then it fails at being a good OT3.

… i… have a lot of cranky opinions about good OT3s from my naruto days tbh. From “did you put sakura in your fave yaoi just so you don’t look sexist but she’s not even doing anything eeewww a pussy” to “whoa someone is self inserting p hard today” to “i love this ot3 except for this pairing it contains that i happen to have founded the anti-fanclub for but i can totally handle THAT dynamic fairly and without bashing i swear (yuuuuck)”. but that’s about ten years back and i haven’t been writing a lot of OT3 since so i haven’t written meta in just about that long. my bad if it’s rambly and i’m missing something obvious. XD; i hope this helps a bit!

[domjaehyun]

jeweeel how your characterization always so on point!! i like you i do was SO good, you come up w the best lines that say so much abt the characters, made reading it so fun ☺️☺️ like hyuck being so straight up with “tell me about your day” and asking why clouds when she talkin abt her nails.. like all that is so sweet to me 🥺 idk maybe my standards too low for men but we love a man that will take his time n take part in casual but genuine chit chat even when you know he’s horny asf 💞💞

speaking of horny, pls your writing just hits different like “always thought you were out of my league” or “yeah, you’ve definitely lost your mind” when she being completely whipped for him, idk smthn so sexy about a guy being so open like that. also “give me something pretty to look at while i roll?” the way i had to reread that paragraph a few times 🥵🥵

i could go on but yeah this fic was TOP TIER, THANK U BBY 💕 stoner hyuck forever a perfect concept, jewel fics certified quality content, perfect combo. HAVE A LOVELY DAY/NIGHT 💞

i will weep right now. THANK YOU SO MUCH IM HAPPY YOU LIKED IT i want to reread this message when i’m sad. EEEE SHFHSHHD THANK YOU i am very happy right now!!!!! ilysm and YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY/NIGHT FIRST!!

[yeoldontknow]

Hello! Yeah, I’m here to talk about totem. Yeah. I absolutely love it. I haven’t ever had this kind of effect on me through a horror fic. I mean like horror in reading form. I’ve read Stephen king and even then have never had the kind of chills given to me like with your fic. I think it’s because the reason that authors who publish books write stuff that’s so long is because they first need you to have an emotional connection to the characters they’re about to hurt. Meanwhile, fic authors get to seriously manipulate characters we already know and love and get more done in terms of hurting us or making us happy more than non fandom authors could ever hope to achieve. It hits us wayyy stronger because of our emotional connection to the people we are familiar with. The love scenes between hoseok and the reader felt so comfortable, and sweet, and overall sensual and nice. And it felt like we were truly put in the place of Hoseok’s girlfriend in a proper way and had to watch him turn into something so sad. Reading this fic has me kinda looking over my shoulder every once in a while (no seriously gotta make sure there ain’t no spooky hobi in my house, I probably won’t be able to look at him on twt and YouTube normally for a while either but it’s fine hahahahahahaha). The fate of hoseok felt so damned and I wish that wasn’t what had happened when he was so willing to just return the pocket watch at the end, but the dead are vengeful and this was an amazing way to portray this. Thank you for writing this, it was absolutely a masterpiece.

hi anon! im so sorry that my reply here is late. but gosh this message has made me so completely happy. thank you so so much for reading totem and for such a thoughtful review. im actually so happy that their relationship came across as believable and emotional. its hard in that kind of setting to construct sensuality and im so happy it came across well. and!!! ahhhh hearing that you look over your shoulder now and that the format of this was spooky eeee!!! please this is amazing. 

and yeah! way back in 2011/2012 youtube was a bit different like, the concept of a youtuber or whatever that has come to mean was just starting to gain traction and vlogging wasnt even a big big format at the time. horror channels were really popular and damn do i miss places like the spc archives and the hey-day of creepy pasta. even the saw series started as a short film originally hosted on vimeo i think. early internet horror was amazing. 

ANYWAY!!! thank you for reading this and for sending an incredible message i am SO HAPPY!!!

[dongyoungkims]

boyfriend!doyoung

u already kno i cried 11532548 times when writing this bc,,,, my Feeeeeels yo

when u guys first start dating he’s so shy!!!

he just doesn’t want to mess anything up so he’s always a nervous mess around u

once he finally settles down and gets more comfortable around u,,, the boy always has to have his hands on u

if ur just sitting next to each other he’ll hold ur hand

or just comfortably place his hand over urs

when ur walking down the streets, he likes it when u lock ur arm around his

he just rly likes small and subtle contact,,

he wants u to feel protected without being all over u since he doesn’t like //too// much pda especially not in front of members

when ur alone though,,, u can’t get him off of u

his favorite thing to do is hug u from behind and just rest his chin on ur head or shoulder

when ur sitting together on the couch watching a movie or something, he loves to put his arm around ur shoulder or waist,, whichever is more comfortable

u both really enjoy cooking for each other even if it doesn’t always taste good,,,,

doyoung loves cooking meals for u and u love baking,,, bc sweets,,, yES

ur both honest and straightforward people so when something doesn’t taste good u guys always tell each other

sometimes the criticism gets taken well

other times,,,, Well,,,,

ur both stubborn and u both get angry

but even if ur both angry,, it only lasts for like,,,, 20 mins

u both cant stand being angry especially bc u realize what u fought over was Dumb so u make up

u both apologize and he hugs u and almost squeezes u to death

((it’s probably like 5% anger and the rest is bc he just loves u that much))

his favorite type of kisses!!

hmm i don’t see him being //too// fond of kisses,,, idk

he usually just enjoys short, quick pecks everywhere

i feel like he’d enjoy cheek pecks!!

like he’d point to his cheek and wait for u to kiss him,,, Cute

u really like his hands ((um,, who doesnt?? have u seen his hands)) so when ur holding hands walking down the street, u love to surprise him by kissing the back of his hand

he always gets rly shy and he always blushes and just Cannot contain his happiness

i feel like he’d like doing forehead kisses on u

like he’ll hold ur head in his hands and just lightly peck ur forehead,,, ((im crying))

eeee he loves when u hug him from and just,,, put ur face in his back

he’ll be happy that u cant see his face bc he wont stop smiling like a fool

ur both not about that extravagant dating life so ur perfect idea of a date is doing something simple

like,,, going on a picnic at the park

doyoung will make lunch and u’ll make dessert and u’ll both just sit in a park and just enjoy each other’s presence

other dates include just ordering pizza or chicken and just catching up on a show or watching a movie

or taking a walk at night by the river,,,,,,

just something simple so u both can talk about ur day and other stuff!!

doyoung,,, that boy just loves being in ur presence

so he gets a lil sad when he has to leave for a while to do schedules in other countries, faraway cities, etc

when ur not together he loves to call u,, he just wants to hear ur voice and talk ((forreal that boy can talk for hours lmao))

he also knows u love hearing his voice,,,

he’ll call u at night and sing u a song to help u fall asleep,,, ((he knows he has the voice on an angel))

he’s overall a very sweet and loving bf

he may nag a lot

but it’s just bc he cares and wants the best for u

it’s also helpful for u bc ur forgetful and he always reminds u to do stuff

he’d be such a cheesy bf telling u random pick-up lines all the time

but u love it

and u love him!!!!

[0225pm]

this is gonna be one long ass post so pls bear with me. i just felt like i must write everything in details! today was probably the most surprising day ever for me (pun intended 😂) the night before han asked me if i had any plans or if i wanted to go anywhere on sunday of which i said, no because i really didn't have anywhere i needed to be so i asked him to plan something. he then said, "ok ah i plan but you cannot ask me any questions about whatever i plan. you just follow me only. if you ask also, i will just ignore and not answer the questions." which i agreed to!!! and i was honestly looking forward to see if he actually really did planned anything. the next day, i was in a frikin dilemma LOL. mainly because i didn't know what to wear. i thought of wearing something casual, an oversized tee with a jacket or something but i figured i might be too underdressed and for some reason i wanted to look bomb af for my man. i even put on my gold metallic eyeshadow which i usually never do and mascara!!!!! i just wanted to look cute la ok hahahaha to the point that i even asked seanna what to wear or to give me some ideas for an outfit. but i ended up just piecing my own look together - i wore this cute floral top which i got the other day at temt and my black pleated skirt. pairing it with my chucks and backpack made me look almost like a 90s high school kid or smth HAHAHAAH (what an exaggeration LOL) should have worn my choker out too but ughHh i think i may need to get a new one cus the one i have is a tad bit thick and feels uncomfortable after awhile. bc of my get-up, i felt like +1 to my self confidence!! it made me feel happy. anyway, he came over to my place to fetch me and was alr waiting for me when i came down. the first thing he said when he saw me was, "why you so prettyyyyy" FML can you imagine just how much i was bursting with excitement on the insides and how happy i was???? ofc he always do compliment me from time to time but this time it made me feel really happy because he said "i can see the effort you put into your look today"!!!!! which is true i rly did put quite a bit of extra effort than usual into picking out my outfit and make up today ^^ and those actually boosted my self confidence, it made me feel cute. but oh boy what he did on the bus made me feel all electrifying and melty wtf (can you feel two diff emotions at once bc i did!!!!) so we boarded the bus and took a seat and the next thing he said again was, "why you so prettyyyy" of which i humbly said "nooOoOooO" because i'm so shy???? wtf how long together already still so shy hahahaah. and then proceeded to sniff(?) and kiss my cheek and then a lot of skinship happened wtf i love skinship with han it makes me feel so loved omg the feeling is indescribable la if you really love someone, you will probably feel the same way i do!!!! my fav was when he kept looking at my tummy (ok i'm still actually rly shy about this even tho he said that he doesn't mind and find it cute) and then joked about how the top stretches out and became white (it's a black base top) bc of my tummy. and then i just kept like poking my tummy???????? and then he just grabbed my whole body into his arms and squished me tightly and said smth like "eeee geramnye!!!" wah fuk i rly love it when he speaks malay and go all touchy and clingy HAHAHAAHAH oh i also asked if he had alr eaten and if he still hasn't made any plans we can maybe go grab a bite first then walk around the mall or smth if we don't have any plans for the day. honest to God i don't mind not doing anything as long as i'm with him!! this is absolutely legit. we don't even have to talk or whatever as long as he's physically there for me to see and hold on to ya know what i mean? ok and then we walked towards the mrt and by this time i still don't know where we were going!!!! i kept asking but like he told me the night before, he just ignored my questions and left them unanswered. he then asked me to sit under the fan (it was blazing hot today) while he walked over to he mrt waiting area and as i observed, took out his phone (i thought hmmm maybe he's trying to search where to eat or smth) and then we boarded the train and stopped at kembangan????? which just makes me questioned him again bc why kembangan when there's nothing there at all! there are no malls and places there seems barren. again, he didn't answer and then took me to the taxi stand. by this time i was kinda trying to be patient bc it was so hot and i was perspiring and my makeup was melting and my outfit felt sticky under all that perspiration i just didn't feel cute anymore. i kinda felt like all my efforts to dress up for him was gone just like that and i blame the sun!!!!! it has been rather humid lately and i hate it sfm! and then he told me to stand under the shade while he smoked a stick and then made some calls. by this time i knew he was alr booking a grab and i demanded answers. i wanted to know why he's wasting his money on grab YET AGAIN when we could have just taken the train and save $$!!! we ended up taking the grab anyway and i kinda snapped at him inside and i felt rly sorry for it bc i can be quite a bitch when i'm hot and sweaty. and then bc he didn't wanna tell me where were we going i thought maybe i can ask the grab driver but apparently EVEN SHE WAS IN CAHOOTS WITH HAN OK like i came to a sudden realization that maybe han called her to tell her not to tell me if i asked!!!!!!!! and then she drove thru geylang area and i asked han again where we're going and this time he gave me a hint!!!!!! he said "we're going somewhere where there are lots of food" so ofc my initial thought was onekm!! bc we were nearby and then i asked him "is it onekm?" and then he said "ya how u know!!!" but ugh he lied bc the driver drove past onekm and then all of a sudden we were nearby suntec area. han tried to cover my sight bc he didn't want me to see where we were gonna end up at but i struggled (i was in an uncomfortable position) so he finally relented and then spilled the beans by pointing to a poster of yayoi kusama outside and telling me that's where we're going. AND I WAS SO SHOOKETH!!!! wtf i rly was so shocked ..... ............ it never crossed my mind, not even once throughout the whole journey that he was taking me to the art gallery to see her exhibitions. istg i was so shook i didn't know what to say to him. all i rmbr saying was "omg yayoi kusama??? you're bringing me to yayoi kusama????? it's expensive tho omg whattttttttt" and then i said smth like "noOoo let's not go and waste money it's rly expensive it's like 30 bux per entry wtf" and then he said smth like "u dw go then i go myself la" and i was like "no wth!!!!!" and when we reached there, unfortunately the tickets were all sold out ahahahahah it was rly quite unfortunate bc han took so much effort and wasted money on grabbing down but honestly i felt really fucking touched by his actions today. like all those efforts to keep it a surprise till the very end, money spent on grab bc he thought that if we take the train all the way we will be late for the exhibitions, trying to plan something even though he's a horrible planner. everything he did makes me appreciate his existence in my life even more. he's rly so boyfriend material now wtf so fucking sweet and romantic. but he was really really disappointed to find out that the tickets were all sold out to the point that he even went back down to ask the person at the counter if there's really no tickets left. he said smth like "i don't usually do this and it's not everyday that i plan smth for u but the tickets are all sold out. i should have made an online booking la fuck la" he was just blaming himself all the way and i really felt so sad for him. i wanted to cheer him up but i didn't rly know how to bc i knew how much he tried his best to make me happy today. and for that, i am really really thankful bc in the end, it's the thought that really counts!!! his mood from there on just changed :( and he suddenly became rather grouchy and masked it by saying that he was hungry. but i knew he was still disappointed by the fact that his plans was botched. OK I WILL CONTINUE PART 2 LATER WHEN I AWAKEN FROM MY SLUMBER BC ITS 4:50AM AND IM STARTING TO FEEL SLEEPY