#LIKE A DOG FINDING THE PIE IN THE MAGIC PIE BUSH

[istra-ish-sucha-geek]

You come at me with intellecutalizing, bebe, we gonna have a long little talk while I listen before hitting you with a FEELINGS word, then you’re just gonna have to sit there with that.

[undefeatedcrabking]

in one of the twitch fantasy high talkback episodes brennan mentions making characters for a weird haunted fairytale campaign and its so funny cause siobhan immediately responds that she wants to play jack and the beanstalk and shes calling it before beardsley gets to it

now in neverafter they're running a weird haunted fairytale campaign and ally's character has the closest relationship with jack and the beanstalk lol

[lu-twilights-pup]

“Do I Have to Avoid Dark Chocolate Now?

A short Twilight fic

Disclaimers:

Mentions of vomit, mentions of dog sickness, general fluff though

————

It had been about 6 weeks since he had revealed his secret to his friends and brothers

He could somehow not hear his own thoughts, only his stomach. It refused to acknowledge anything his head had to say.

It had been 2 weeks since everyone began to become completely comfortable with him again, in spite and because of his secret. Relaxing and no longer on edge once it fully clicked that he was still just him.

His stomach lurched again, determined to empty whatever foreign intrusion it thought was left in his body. He didn't think even his stomach was left in his body after heaving for what felt like hours.

It had been 4 hours since he had eaten Wild’s new cherry pie recipe–having never had cherries.

And right now, any anxiety Twilight had been going through about his brothers finding out he was essentially a werewolf—a divine beast, a monster of myth, a thing to be feared in stories told to children—was tossed out the window. Replaced with a new fear of possibly throwing up his skeleton, and a newfound disdain for small red fruits, caked in sugar and pastry.

Warriors held back his hair as a single strand of his bangs stuck to his forehead.

“Are you alright there, rancher?” He winced a bit as he took a peak at the bush he had, at this point , defiled. He scrunched his nose at the smell.

“Yeah.” Twilight sighed shakily. “I think m’ good for now.” He sat back, allowing his body to unclench, and muscles to relax for a moment, hoping to be done.

The sun peeked through the trees of the clearing they had made their camping spot. It dusted the area with light, particles of dust and pollen drift through the air through the sun beams. The gentle breeze shows the foliage around them, cooling the spot and adding to the life of the forest. Any other day, Twilight would have sat for hours admiring the area. Smoking in its peacefulness and simply breathing in the life and magic that pulsed through the forest floor, through his feet and into his heart. But right now, he was simply irritated.

He huffed. “This sucks.” His foolish response earned a chuckle from some of his brothers. Warriors clapped him gently on the back, with a weak smile before getting up, probably to wash his hand in the nearby steam.

“Well at least we know not to buy any more cherries.” Four tried to lighten the mood a bit. Wind sat next to him, nodding along, still focused on his extra portion of pie. “You had no idea you were allergic?” He glanced at the plate in Wind’s hands, then back to Twilight.

“No,” He followed his gaze to the plate, glaring, “Not at’ all. I had neve’ even hearda’ cherries ‘fore now. Little fuckers.” He mumbled.

“Language.” A soft jab, with little bite behind it came from Time.

Wild had managed to hobble over with some bread and water, signing once he put it down. “I’m still really sorry.” it spelled out. His shoulders drooped as he refused to look at Twilight in the face. He softened a little, at least as little as he could with out just completely slumping over.

“S’ alright cub, I didn’ know, s’ no way you coulda.” Wild fussed at this, perking up and furrowing his brows deeply.

“Yes I should have, I mean dogs can’t eat cherries! I would have never given them to Wolfie, I shouldn't have given them to you!” The image of the dark gray wolf came to mind, he too would have probably avoided such things. And perhaps there had been a time when Wild kept the hound away form certain ingredients. But he had though it was simply Becasue he had none to spare.

“I ain’t a dog though!” Twilight debated, “at least, not completely.” He placed his head in his hands as he groaned.

“I mean you technically are. Dog, werewolf, same thing. At least biologically speaking. It makes sense you should be able to eat that stuff! I mean you’re a bit more wolf than man by now.” Legend argue, shrugging a bit.

“Am not!” He snapped, a low grumble sounding in his chest.

“I watched you chew on a stick!”

Twilight’s face flushed. “Was pickin’ my teeth.” He grit out through a clenched jaw.

“Uhuh, riiiight.” Legend smirked.

“Boys!” Time barked out, clearing the chaos. “Whatever the case may be, let just avoid non-dog-safe foods for now. We don't want to take the risk, and there's no telling how toxic they will or won't be. This time might be vomiting, let's not ponder what comes next.”

They all could seem to agree on that. There was only so much they could do, especially on the road to help him if he at something poisonous.

Hyrule pulled out a pen and paper and slowly they began checking off what was and was not safe to be consumed, going through provisions and marking off anything with such ingredients. Away went garlic and onions. As well as grapes a some other smaller fruits. He was rather happy that he didnt have to give up peppers or pumpkin. It was lucky enough that most foods he couldn’t eat, he generally didn’t as they just rarely crossed his path, and he want too bothered by most of the restrictions. Until it wasn’t.

“Wait, you mean t’ tell me I need t’ avoid chocolate!?” Twilight all but squawked, sitting up much too quickly for his still nauseous body. Of all of them, he himself did not have too much of a sweet tooth, but that wasn’t to say he didn't like sweets at all. If there was one guilty pleasure he allowed himself, it was the occasional dark chocolate. Every year Uli made a batch of it for holidays, and an second one came out around his birthday. It was something he hasn't had in quite a while now that he thinks about it—not since his adventure.

He hadn’t been home for his birthday, and Uli had been a sick around the holidays. And as much as he wanted to he had no time to stop by the fancier chocolate shop that was in castle town whenever Zelda had summoned him.

“Absolutely.” Wild stiffened from his spot, sending a pointed look at him. “Chocolate is borderline deadly to dogs. Even a little can make you horridly sick!” Wild hissed as his hands moved.

“But…” Twilight couldn't quite gather his words, face morphing between emotions. “But...it's chocolate!!” He whined like a child. He sounded more like the youngest of the group instead of one of the oldest. His ears drooped to his shoulders, framing his unconscious look of puppy-dog eyes. “How m’ I supposed t’ avoid chocolate?”

“With a steel resolve and our help.” Sky laughed, “I mean it’s just chocolate. How hard can it be? I didn't even know you liked it that much.”

“Easy fer ya to say! Who doesn’ like chocolate?” Twilight furrowed his brows before rubbing his face with his hands. Two hands went up at his question, but he merely glared at them from under his brow until they fell back to their respective sides.

“I can leave cherries be, and I don' care much else for tha’ other stuff, but this?” Twilight made a rapid gesture with his hands.

“Pup , I think you’ll be fine. I’m sure there is something just as good you can have.” Time glazed at Wild as he spoke, the resident chef, hoping he could come up with something–anything.

“Yeah!” Wild was quick to his feet. “There has got to be something that you like more than chocolate, right?”

Twilight stared up at him with a pitied look in his eye. It was almost comical how the man seemed so distraught over such a sweet, half of them didn’t even know he enjoyed.

“Dark chocolate.”

The other heroes erupted into varying fits of laughter at this. Some like Time simply chuckled, while others, like Warriors or Four, attempted to hide their titters behind a hand or clenched jaw.

“Come on Twilight. We’ll find something….eventually.” Warriors patted his back, but he simply depressed into the man’s side, coming to terms with his turmoil with a sigh.

“Fine. But it better be jus’ as good.”

“It’ll be my greatest feat yet, and my best creation yet, you’ll see! It’ll be better than dark chocolate!” He signed, almost too mast for Twilight to read.

“I doubt that.”

“This one won't kill you so it’s proven to be better.”

Twilight just sighed, stifling his own snicker at the whole ordeal. A feat this surely would be.

[fallingsatellive]

Sometimes a mediocre band will have just one breathtaking absolutely perfect song that I find deeply relatable and beautiful at every single lyric and then I have to go through their entire discography like the magic pie bush dog

[all-pacas]

why i think he is smart:

taught himself how to play fetch as a kitten. will stash his toys god knows where, and when the desire to play hits him, he will find and bring me one. when he is done playing he will simply stop bringing it back

good association skills. when i walk towards the front door he knows i am Going Out and appears out of nowhere to join me. if i open a can or crack an egg (apparently this sounds like a can being opened), he appears out of nowhere looking for snacks*. all i have to do is pick up his brush and he Appears. i know this is fairly normal for cats but he knows about when bedtime is and what it looks like when i get ready for bed, and jumps up and settles down in his spot at the foot of the bed in preparation.

likewise he has his very own magic pie bush -- a ledge where my neighbor sticks dog treats. it is 3 feet high, he cannot see it, and yet he likes to go over and get up on his back legs and feel around for the treat.

he likes to explore the hallway of my apartment building, right? to lure him inside i will take a treat and throw it into my apartment. i've only done this a handful of times; nevertheless, today as soon as i picked up the treat bag he zooooomed to where the treat generally lands when thrown.

"wait, you said he wasn't food motivated, but that's two food examples" no. see. he doesn't actually EAT the delicious wet cat food. he'll lick a bit of the broth and then take a nibble or two every now and then for the next few hours until it is gone. he will gladly eat 1 (one) treat and then loses all interest except as a Fun Chasing Time

he really??? likes to lock himself in my bathroom??? he has figured out that he can push the bathroom door closed from the inside. he does this a lot. you'd think "oh, the little idiot is trapping himse--" no. he loves it. he just hangs out in the bathroom with the door closed. i will go in to pee or check on him and he'll be sitting on my laundry and then close the door again. i don't know why he does it, but he's clearly doing this on purpose with intention

my cat is both very smart and deeply unmotivated by food, thus stymying all my dreams

[another-snape-story]

Merry Christmas

Chapter XXI

The days that followed were tough. You happened to visit The Department of Magical Law Enforcement every once in a week – although you were beyond suspicion, they always had new questions.

“They call me again.” The words that made Snape’s heart sink each time they were spoken. Once annoyed, the other time despaired – “They call me again,” you announced over and over again. Of course, this couldn’t pass by unnoticed without affecting your emotional state which kept worsening after every new attendance.

Snape felt you were getting estranged – from him, from the world around. It was unbearable seeing vigorous glint of your eyes gradually die out. Knowing your passion for nature walks, he used to take you outside whenever possible. Snowy landscapes along with fresh air worked wonders, and you were back again – distressed, tired, but still alive.

Support Severus gave you was huge, substantial, able to bring you to tears, which in your current condition was easy as pie. Immensely grateful for his regard, you felt like giving him the whole world in return. The more time you spent together, the stronger grew your sentiment for the man, until you realized you could no longer imagine your days without him. Relieved in the solace his presence offered, you wished you could nestle under his protective wing, shielded from all the horrors of cruel reality, and doze off in a long deep peaceful slumber.

You hated the moment Snape left you at your door late in the evening, afraid to stay alone with your thoughts or just selfishly unwilling to let him go – sometimes you seemed to forget he wasn’t your possession and had other things to take care of apart from you. The man’s become an indispensable part of your life, a vital part of you, which, if taken, would cause a fatal outcome. Little did you know you’ve become the such for him as well.

Looking you in the eyes as he put you on train, Snape struggled with desire to cup your face and make that one last step towards the edge to let you know his heart was beating for you and you only, to assure you were not alone, that you could count on him whatever happened. However, being a man of a rational mind, he admitted he was no good match for you – with heavy burden of his past and a vague chance for future – what could he give you? Moreover, he wasn’t hoping you’d accept him. How pathetic thinking you would!

Snape felt uneasy letting you go to London alone. Having grown exceedingly protective of you he couldn’t find any peace until you returned, safe and unharmed. During hours of your absence, Snape questioned himself what if the court found you were involved by implication? What if you decided not to prolong your contract with Hogwarts and left the school once the term was over? What would his life be like without you?.. Intrusive thoughts that scratched in the back of his mind aggravated all of his unpleasant traits, and students got to suffer Snape’s ill temper more severely than usual every time you were away.

“It’s over,” wearied, emotionally drained, you informed Severus when he met you at the station in Hogsmeade as he’s done since the process started.

“You told everything like we’ve agreed?” anxiety bubbling inside his chest, Snape intently examined your face to detect the slightest change in your expression trying to foresee the probable answer before you could utter a word.

The question reminded you about the dispute you had before your departure. You nodded weakly. Although you’ve chosen to follow Snape’s advice, you still were uncertain if you did the right thing.

“Good,” he approved calmly as befitted his usual composure, while a sudden yet so much anticipated relief made him feel dizzy. No one would take you from him, now he knew it for sure.

“He’s been sentenced to ten years,” your voice bleak and lifeless. “I should’ve told the truth. Should’ve told them it was all my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Snape stepped closer, his hands reaching out for you.

“It’s unfair. That’s not what I intended.”

“Listen. It’s just the consequence of negligence,” he softly rubbed your shoulders. “Nothing more.”

“I know,” you sighed bitterly. “I know… But… I didn’t mean to ruin his life. Didn’t mean to…” you fell silent fighting back tears.

“He’d end up in prison anyway,” Snape stated with contempt, wishing the man who brought you so much trouble be damned. Snape realized you’d need time to finally get over all this and move on – and he was there to help you. “Let’s go back.” He led you along the platform covered with a thick layer of trampled snow dotted by hundreds of footprints.

“Have the students left already?” you asked indifferently just to switch the trail of thought.

“Yes. This morning.”

A ghost of a smile swept across your lips. “How was the feast?” sad notes in the tone of your voice revealed utter disappointment over a missed opportunity to attend one of the main school events.

“No trolls, no three-headed dogs,” he spoke apathetically. “Boring, in other words.” Snape could’ve probably been other opinion if you kept him company.

“Huh, I thought all the celebrations here had an element of surprise,” you sniggered recalling the night of Halloween. The night of Halloween! Quirrell… You knew Severus wouldn’t appreciate what you were going to tell him, but keeping it in secret after the risk taken would make no sense either way. Preparing for being told off, you listened to the snow creaking serenely under your feet.

“I saw Quirrell again,” you confided at last as you turned around the corner heading towards the carriage harnessed by a pair of Thestrals.

“And again you followed him?” Snape frowned disapprovingly, just as you would expect.

“Yes, but this t…”

“How many times have I told you not to mess with him?” he resented.

“And how many times have I mentioned I were not a child?”

“Leave him to me! Being ‘not a child’ isn’t enough!”

“Aren’t you even curious what I’ve seen?!” you huffed in disbelief. He’s never taken it so bad before.

“No! I’m not curious at all!” Snape raised his voice. “Merlin! He might be dangerous! Is it too complicated for your stubborn head to grasp the simple fact?”

“You speak this way to your students, not me!” you spat back. That was way too much. Who did he think he was?!

“I will speak to you the way you deserve unless you listen to me!” he hissed angrily.

“Oh is that what I deserve? Really?! After a month of interrogations with testifying at the trial on top of this SHIT-CAKE? Is that what I deserve?!” you burst out. “I listened to you and didn’t tell them it was me who purposely changed the data! And now I’ll have to LIVE with it!” yet you were shouting.

“At least you’ll live!” Snape growled in frustration. He shouldn’t have spoken to you this way. Living in constant fear for your fate, holding back all the doubts that ate on him while he played confidence assuring you everything was going to be all right, but actually having no idea how the things might’ve turned out was a real torture – no wonder, he still resembled a bare nerve when it came to the matter of your safety. Always composed and collected, this time Snape failed to restrain his emotions.

Although he regretted it immediately, it was too late for remorse. Exasperated, pissed with his tone, you rushed past the carriage. “I’ll walk!”  

Trying to stop you, Snape grabbed your elbow. You spun around, shooting him a vicious look which shattered Snape’s puny hope you would accept his apology. “Get in,” he said calmly. “I will walk.”

“FINE.” You abruptly freed yourself from his grip and climbed inside.

The carriage set off.

You laid your head on the backrest, tears streaming down your cheeks. This scene was easy to be avoided, but, as ill luck would have it, everything came together at the breaking point. Of course, he was worrying about you. No one ever had. Yet he did. He placed your interests over his own. How many days, how many nights he has spent comforting you! Fixated on your problems, you’ve never taken into consideration when he has managed to keep up with his work… after spending hours and hours and hours with you… Anger struggling with an expanding feeling of guilt and gratitude tore your soul apart.

But his tone! You crossed your arms on your chest, still doubting whether to forgive him. His tone hurt!

The window hole offered a wonderful performance of trees and bushes garmented into gentle niveous covering slowly dancing along the road. As much as you loved winter, the other day you’d hardly be able to take your eyes off this fairy picture, but now it seemed to just dishearten you. You turned away – the vacant seat beside you gaped with pervasive emptiness – same that you felt inside. Severus used to take it, right next to you. Once, you’ve even fallen asleep on his shoulder… A memory brought a dolorous smile to your face. You missed him. You missed him so bad. What just happened wasn’t right. It should’ve been different. Moreover, on a day like this.  

You gave a sign for the carriage to stop and stormed out – you haven’t gone too far – he’d catch up with you soon. Wading through the snow, you hurried back to reunite with the man so dear to your heart as soon as possible. In his black coat he should be an easy target to spot, but Snape was nowhere to be seen. Frozen to the bone, you found yourself standing on the place where you left him. Despaired, you looked around – not a single soul.

“Severus!” you called him desperately, a lump in your throat growing thicker as you tried to hold it in. “Sev…” Everything’s gone so wrong.

Lost the last bit of hope – despondent and wretched – you sobbed into the void, scoffing grievously at yourself, “Merry Christmas…” Perhaps, you deserved it indeed.

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[werezmastarbucks]

coming back was a mistake

the reader bonds with kai over their shared dislike of mystic falls

kai parker x fem!reader

word count: 2494

warnings: language, the POV’s are changing

music: poa alpina by biosphere

This damn hole hasn’t changed a bit. The same old story: clean, tongue-licked glowing welcome sign. There we go. Then there will be this turn on the left... oh no, wait, bless, the road has been destroyed. The wooden white bridge connects this part of the highway with the town, and here we go. First houses, Livingstones used to live here, and their son was bullied by literally everyone at school, because he always had stupid haircuts. Word is, he’s dead. Welcome to Mystic Falls, the town where normal people can last up to one year.

Your house was still standing on the 19th November Street, cuddled by dry rose bushes. Apalling. All the other houses on the street have it together. The window sills are freshly painted and the porch is clean, the flowers are watered and cut, and then there’s this fucking outrage of a dwelling where the remains of your family reside.

You had to keep your act together but this town just infuriated you. You couldn’t understand why people would stay here when they could leave right after they’ve turned of age. What kept them? The charming crab-shaped park where everybody stored their dead bodies? The library on the main square where the entitled old lady has been residing for the last 500 years and telling you off for breathing? The blood-red clock tower dinging and donging every damn twenty minutes. No, wait, it must be the staggering fifteen streets. It must be the magic of running into your parents on the Market Street at ten am when you’re supposed to be at school. It’s the neighbors watch, the bored, jaded people’s desire to know everything about everybody. It must be all the supernatural jerks swarming here, killing everybody left and right, acting like their collective age is twenty years old. The fashion in this city has not changed since two thousand and thirteen, either. Nothing did.

The blood-red clock tower was still announcing the midnight hour through the dense hot air, the cars were still disgustingly clean like the citizens had nothing else to do except wash their cars all day long; Damon Salvatore still had the bitch expression on his face, fuming over the next this-just-in ghoul drama, pacing slowly in the living room of his ridiculous, always half-lit mansion with a glass of bourbon in his hand. Stefan was still miserable. Elena’s hair was still golden-black, smooth like a mirror, and you were still mortally tired of all this.

You could feel your negativity fill you up to your throat and eating on you as you drove up to the house and looked at it. The light was on, but nobody came out to meet you.

You were still coming once a year.

You sighed and turned off the engine, then left the car. It’s just a week. Then you can come back home and start pretending you don’t have Mystic Falls past again. The thought of going back home, running back like a rabbit, was what got you through every year.

You walked up the porch. The door wasn’t locked.

He liked this space here. The tenth row, seventeenth seat. He was like a cat, choosing the perfect spot. From here, he could see the clearing between the trees on the other side of the field, where a lady was walking her adorable huskie every evening at eight sharp. The dog was damn smart and the lady wasn’t. Kai had no idea how smart she actually was, she just didn’t look smart. The field below was empty now that it was summer and the eerie hollow feeling gave him a lot of kicks. The place that’s supposed to be full of people, literally made for big gatherings, the seats and all, empty, gave a special vibe. Looking around it, especially at the evening hour, when August was doing its best in the skies, was strangely nice. Nobody saw this side of Kai Parker when he was just sitting quietly, an expression of satisfaction on his face, on his chosen spot, and observed this quiet empty place like a little black king.

He saw somebody and went invisible in a second out of some instinct he couldn’t explain. It’s been some time since his presence caused an outcry of anguish among the party of people... a lot of time, actually. Nowadays, people would just roll their eyes. Don’t care. They’re the losers, living in this boring swamp, fidgeting with their pathetic drama every day. Kai didn’t know how they managed to tolerate themselves. And the hair! Everybody had this inexplicably perfect hair, glistening like they all wore wigs.

Oh my god.

What if they all wear wigs?!

Kai started giggling, thinking about that.

He was now looking at this girl in a crop top that matched the color of her skin. The girls do that, they wear the tops that match their skin which Kai finds very suggestive. Okay, you have all my attention.

Cruising around this unbearable place, he has familiarized with all the faces, and this one was new right away. She started running. You know how people usually jog, without a hurry, with the dumb light-hearted expressions on their faces, and the 90% of them always imagine they’re in some expensive automobile commercial. It helps them jof. This one ran. She did two tours around the field and stopped. Wrong, you’re supposed to walk or else your heart will burst. She stood, her hands on her thighs, her face up, and watched the sky. Kai had no idea why he was hiding from her, but he felt too comfortable now to manifest himself. She was listening to her music in her earphones and looking at the slowly drifting long clouds, and she looked like she was either pissed or very thirsty. Leaning a bit backwards, she just gave him the honors. The ribs were heaving, her stomach breathing for her. Her hand came up to her throat. Kai tried to picture her at the Mystic Grill, or on the main square; whether she looked similar to anybody he’s seen here; he looked at her hands and arms, the way she moved her jaw as if those pretty lilac clouds have done something to her and she was about to get even. She shook her head animalistically, getting rid of some thought. Girl, I know that. You’re trying to shake them all off through your ears, it doesn’t work. He felt for this pretty, collected lady who ran around the track like she was chasing somebody for a murder. Kai liked that kind of interaction the most; when he pretended they had connected. That they had a conversation. When nobody could argue with his illusion they had something in common.

He liked how she had her hair, a bit messy but feminine; the way she looked around dispassionately like she’s had enough of whatever shit she had going on. Like she seemed as if she was a separate entity. Her elbow pointed aside, with some kind of expectation.

Then she gave up. She put on a hoodie she’d thrown onto a first row seat and started walking up slowly. One, two three... four rows... Kai watched her curiously. He never doubted his magic. That’s right, not ever. You know.

But when she passed row nine he tilted his head. She came up to his row and started walking. Now, if she sits right on him, she will feel it. He will, too, and of course he won’t mind, but the girls usually freak out if they try to take a seat somewhere and there’s an invisible dude. Not that Kai had practiced it a lot. He just knew they didn’t like being stalked on. He didn’t really care. He doesn’t know her. If she’s a part of this town, screw her. She’s pretty up close, though, such a nice, frowning face, big eyes. She took the next seat to him and they almost rubbed shoulders. If she took off her earphones she would hear Kai breathe next to her. Instead, he was listening to slow ambient. It went well with the evening sky.

Together, they watched the huskie and the lady run around in the field behind the footbal field. Then she shivered a little in her hoodie. Kai wished he could read her mind when she started crying. When people don’t know they’re being watched, they cry in a very specific fashion. Kai was sure it wasn’t the huskie that upset her; it had something to do with her standing and watching the sky, rubbing her elbows with nervous fingers.

Or maybe she was unhappy with her running time, who gives a fuck.

You were watching this dude. The Grill did not appreciate him the way they should’ve. First of all, he was different breed. People come and go, but the type is always the same. This one was not the type. You had no idea who he was, but he was damn entertaining. Unapologetic singer. Stretching the notes like nobody was watching. Singing for the soul. He enjoyed himself the harder the more confused people looked, throwing awkward glances in his direction. His self esteem was on point as he expressed the ultimate artistic freedom through his bad singing, skipping the words masterfully and changing the melody on a whim. When the song was finally over, nobody clapped, and you felt that truly, he was the underrated artist, the local gem. Where Mystic Falls citizens cared for how others perceive them, he didn’t give a shit about it; while they side eyed their friends judging him silently, he was glowing with self-satisfaction. He was a bad singer, and a bad dancer; he chose an old song nobody knew, and did the finger guns at the DJ as he left the stage. A collective sigh of relief shuddered over the bar; you leaned over the counter, and the bartender nodded at you.

“Pass a cider to that guy. Tell him he saved my evening”.

Jerry was the name of the bartender. He was the new guy, because almost all bar people at the Grill were always human, which meant they died all the time. They all looked exactly the same though, and Jerry was no different from Evan, from seven years ago. Short dark hair, dimples, could star in American Pie. He smirked and nodded again.

The guy has just landed at the counter with a swing. He sighed happily as Jerry put the glass in front of him. You weren’t watching, because you didn’t feel like it; you made the sincere gesture of friendliness, no need to take it further. However, you should’ve known what would happen next. No good deed ever goes unpunished in this world.

You spotted him with the corner of your eye as he approached you, with the cider you ordered for him, and sat next to you.

“Well, that’s not too bad at all...” he started.

You turned to the guy - who looked rather like a boy who got stuck in his post-teenage phase - sharply.

“Please, don’t take it personal. It was not intended that way. It’s just a drink, so, drink it”.

For a second, he just watched you, as if challenging you for more talking. Then he shrugged.

“Somebody’s feeling antisociable today”.

And sipped a little from the glass.

“I usually take cocktails, the sweeter the better, just so you know”.

You sighed. A part of you knew you would regret it. But you still did it. Why? You looked in front of you, meeting your own miserable face in the reflection of the mirror wall behind the bar. The guy kept talking.

“I mean, it’s so nice to start acquiring the fan base, I guess, you can get a lot of things as a rock star. I’ve always wanted to be one”.

“You won’t be a rock star for your singing voice”, you noted.

Drinking alone at the Grill sometimes made you do weird stuff. But it was a tradition.

“Huh? You didn’t like it?”

“I enjoyed how much it confused everybody else”.

The guy expressed an ‘oof’ emotion.

“I’m sensing some xenophobia here. You hate this place, too?”

You didn’t answer. The guy sighed mockingly, as if he was pretending. He sounded like a hyperactive child, and in spite of your very self, you found him relatable.

“I say to myself every day”, he went on, in a slightly more serious voice, “Kai, today you’re leaving Mystic Falls. I’m not in the place where I can tolerate this boredom any more, you know? But this thing... keeps me here. I can’t wait to...”

You blinked and looked at him.

“Kai? Your name is Kai?”

“Uh, yeah”.

He clincked his glass on yours.

“Cheers”.

“What’s it short for?”

He didn’t look too proud saying,

“Malachai”.

You dropped your jaw.

“That is the coolest name I’ve ever heard. Malachai? Seriously?”

He lit up a little bit, straightening his back with praise.

“Yeah”.

“Dude, this is badass. Show me your ID!”

His dark eyes were laughing. You finally took a proper look of him. There was something foreign about him although he spoke very clear American English. It was a different kind of foreign: alien. Given it’s Mystic Falls, stagnating in its own revolving old routine, alien was good even if it was dangerous.

“You wanna see my ID?” he chuckled. He looked down on you with an adoring glint in his eye as though he was admiring something he saw. His reactions were inexplicable.

“Yeah, I wanna see how it’s spelt. Come on, Malachai, it’s so boring here. Show me”.

He sniffed through his nose.

“Okay”.

He had to stand up a little bit to take his ID from the back pocket of his jeans. You looked at it, visualizing his unusual name. Malachai Parker sounded fucking elite. He’s come a long way from Oregon, too. You wondered what he was doing here and was about to ask, but your glance got hooked on the year of birth.

“1972? You were born in...”

Frustration filled you slowly like lake water. Of course, the only interesting, good-looking character who’s fun enough, will be one of the messy freaks, here. You passed the card back to him.

“Are you one of them?”

Malachai didn’t look confused or insecure which further advanced your disappointment.

“What do you mean?” he asked with a grin, playing with you.

“I’m not having this tonight”.

You downed your glass, feeling earthly tired. Like the earth. The Earth, that’s billion of years old, like that.

You stood up to walk away.

“I’m not one of the vampires”, Kai chanted, turning on his seat.

You shrugged.

“Even worse”.

He watched you as you went, his eyes not leaving your back until you were out of the door. Then he realized he still didn’t have your name.

[romera-rp]

BOUNTY #1: If Music Be the Food of Love, Play On!

DETAILS: Lillian Mctavard, an entertainer who works at The Glistening Trinity, has requested an experienced investigator to track down the most handsome, most winsome, most eloquent, and fit elven man she met for just one evening, an hour really, the previous night during Sune’s Festival of Love. She has a letter enclosed for him and will pay the first person to either bring her the man himself or a return letter. She won’t accept, nor pay for, any silly hearsay about him, however, only the real thing and says she’ll be able to tell if the return letter is faked. 

REWARD: 238 gp, 2 sp, 14 cp.

Hidden details:

If you read the letter you’ll find four and a half pages of poorly spelled, yet lovingly written, common calligraphy about the magic of that one night and how she feels a true connection to him. She tells him she feels it prudent for him to return and not leave because of this feeling. 

The envelope also smells of perfume and there are browning flower petals inside the envelope. 

She describes his most distinctive features as his long, stark white hair and the tattoo of elven script down one side of his face.

Although in the heat of their first meeting she didn’t get his name she says she has heard rumours of a man of his description that goes by the title of The Stag.

Claimed by: Nathair Nagyndras & 

BOUNTY #2: Child of the Lostish

DETAILS: Young Darla, a seven year old halfling, has requested, with the help of Madam Fleet from a refugee orphanage, the strongest, smartest, bestest adventurer to go find her Papa. He’s also a halfling, she says, and he’s the nicest cleric and their towns doctor. Her father went on a trip to The Crossroads to acquire some rare medicines around the time of the operatives attack and she hasn’t heard from him since. Her birthday is soon, but she can’t remember exactly when, and she wants her Papa to return for it. 

REWARD: None.

Hidden details:

If you question Madam Fleet she’ll tell you she believes something happened to him during the attack. Since there weren't many casualties and his body was never found she believes he may of been taken prisoner or kidnapped by someone wanting to use him for his healing. 

Darla thinks he’s lost his letter stuff and is busy helping people. 

If you inquire with an official from the army, and convince them to tell you, they will inform you that Tinny Zephere, Darla’s father, has not been found alive nor recovered after the attack to their knowledge. He has been presumed dead by the army. This official will provide Tinny’s home address that you may search. A search will turn up only the basics of a two person household.

However while in the household you will be attacked by a group of thugs who had been watching the house. It turns out a group of mercenaries took advantage of the chaos of the operatives attack to indeed capture Mr. Zephere as their personal cleric and suspected someone might come looking for him.

Getting the attackers to talk they will guide you to their campsite where Darla’s father is being held. Searching the area you will find 191g, 2 normal healing potions and Amulet of Proof against Detection and Location.

Claimed by: Thea Woodbluff & Cass

BOUNTY #3: Maybe Deadly, Maybe Dead, Definitely Dumb.

DETAILS: Villera and Morry Snackle, newlyweds, were taking a walk on the outskirts of their village on the night of 20th July, unaware of the date, when dead people burst from the bushes and rushed them. Their dog, a wedding present from their family, got spooked and fled into the woods. The undead also carried off their belongings. Villera insists she needs her bag back, that she dropped in fright, because it has her personal items, money, and also the keys to their summer home. Morry will be hysterical with grief over losing her dog and doesn’t care about the money, the home, or really anything beyond the dog. 

REWARD: 250 gp, +300 for the return of the dog.

Hidden details:

The dog’s name is Cheese.

A trail of broken shrubbery, foot prints, and dropped items will lead you away from the walking trail taken by the newlyweds. A little ways in, there looks like there was a terrible scuffle and you will find Villera’s bag discarded and trodden on, though all items accounted for.

More broken shrubbery and prints, this time more chaotic, will lead you to a clearing full of the undead. If you look up, you’ll find three teenagers dressed like zombies clinging to tree branches and utterly terrified. 

If you survive the dead things, the teenagers will confess that they used the festival as a cover to try thieving. Although the parents don’t reward you with any gold for returning the rebels, they do give you a pie. They are also unable to lead you to Cheese, but they can point you in the direction that Cheese went when they jumped the Snackles.

Claimed by: Emery Lee & Kit Rohra

[tatticstudio55]

The thumbs of Westeros

Little Thumbling and the Red Wedding / Thumbelina in the Great Grass Sea

You probably all heard the tale “Hop-o’-My-Thumb”, or “Little Thumbling” (Le petit poucet in French), but for those who’d need a refresher, Little Thumbling is the youngest son of woodcutters too poor to feed their seven children. The parents decide to abandon them in the forest, but Little Thumbling manages to find their way back by leaving pebbles behind him. Later on, knowing that their parents will want to abandon them in the forest again, he tries to sneak outside early to get more pebbles, but since the door is locked, must do with crumbs from the breakfast’s bread. Unfortunately, the birds eat the crumbs and Little Thumbling and his siblings can’t find their way back. They eventually come across an ogre’s house and ask for shelter because there’s wolves in the forest. The ogre’s wife let them in, feed them, and all is good until the ogre comes back and decides to have the children for his supper. His wife persuades him otherwise by presenting him with pork, veal and muttons, and Little Thumbling and his siblings are given a bed for the night, next to the bed shared by the ogre’s seven daughters – all wearing golden crowns. Worrying that the ogre might want to slaughter his “guests” during the night, Little Thumbling wait until the ogre’s daughters are asleep to switch their crowns with his own brothers’ hats. When the ogre effectively comes in the chamber with a knife and feel the hats on his daughters’ heads, he assumes it’s Little Thumbling and his siblings in the bed and slice his daughters’ throats. Little Thumbling and his brothers flee before morning, by which the Ogre realize what he’s done, put on magic boots and run after them. He comes to a halt at some point to rest, fall asleep, and Little Thumbling steal his boots, who magically adjusts to his size when he puts them on. He then runs back to the ogre’s house and tells his wife that her husband was captured by thieves who’ll release him in exchange for a ransom. The wife hands Little Thumbling everything she has, Little Thumbling return to his parents with the gold and they live happily ever after (I suppose).

Just to lay things out from the get go, I think Arya Stark is the Little Thumbling of asoiaf. The ogre, of course, is Walder Frey, and Arya’s “six brothers” are her mother and brother Robb.

-Arya is travelling by forest to reach the Ogre’s house (the Twins), after Sandor Clegane has taken her captive and plans on taking her to the Twins himself to get his ransom. Robb and Catelyn are also traveling (largely by forest) to the ogre’s house for Edmure’s wedding.

They had ridden so far in rain and darkness, through trackless woods and nameless villages, that Arya had lost all sense of where they were. - Arya, ASOS

As the gods would have it, their route took them through the Whispering Wood where Robb had won his first great victory. - Catelyn, ASOS

-It’s implied that there’s an abnormal quantity of wolves roaming those forests:

“Is it safe, my lord?” Qyburn asked. “Only three days past, Septon Utt’s men were attacked by wolves. They came right into his camp, not five yards from the fire, and killed two horses.” 

“It is wolves I mean to hunt. I can scarcely sleep at night for the howling.” (...)  It is queer to see the common wolves of the south so bold.” - Arya, ACOK

-After being captured by the Hound, Arya tries to help the brotherhood without banners to find her back by leaving marks on trees (the bread crumbs), until she’s caught red-handed by the Hound.

...but Arya still expected to see the outlaws every time she looked back. She had tried to help them by scratching her name on the trunks of trees when she went in the bushes to make water, but the fourth time she did it he caught her, and that was the end of that. - Arya, ASOS

-Arya herself has a lot in common with Little Thumbling: she’s small, skinny, very young and a disappointment to her parents (or at least, that’s how Arya perceives it), but she’s also quite resourceful and uses her wits to survive. Like Little Thumbling, she’s stuck with a pack of “travel companions” (the six siblings in the tale; Lommy, Hot Pie and Weasel in asoiaf) who aren’t very useful and wouldn’t make it far without her (even Gendry tells her as much in ACOK), despite her being the smallest and scrawniest of the bunch (except Weasel).

“She’s no use,” Gendry repeated stubbornly. “Her and Hot Pie and Lommy, they’re slowing us down, and they’re going to get us killed. You’re the only one of the bunch who’s good for anything. Even if you are a girl.” - Arya, ACOK

-The ogre’s wife tries to save the children by offering veal, pork and mutton to her husband. Arya and the Hound try to reach the Twins by pretending that they’re bringing salted pork and pigs’ feet for the wedding’s feast. 

"Got pickled pigs' feet too, ser." 

"Not for the feast, you don't. The feast's half done. And I'm a northman, not some milksuck southron knight." 

"I was told to see the steward, or the cook . . . " 

"Castle's closed. The lordlings are not to be disturbed." - Arya, ASOS

-The ogre’s daughters all wear crowns. Walder Frey wants (or wanted) to crown one of his daughters by marrying her to the King in the North (Robb).

-Little Thumbling and his brothers seek shelter because of the wolves outside. Robb is coerced into leaving his direwolf outside at the Twins.

The sight of the dogs made Catelyn wish once more for Grey Wind, but Robb's direwolf was nowhere to be seen. Lord Walder had refused to allow him in the hall. - Catelyn, ASOS

-Little Thumbling and his brothers are offered food and a bed at the ogre’s house. Catelyn, Robb and his men are offered guests’ rights at the Twins. The ogre’s wife knows that her husband eats children, but can’t do anything about it. Roslin Frey probably knew about her father’s plan to slaughter the Starks after the wedding, but couldn’t do anything about it either.

-The ogre slices his daughter’s throats after feeling the boys’ hats on their heads. Walder Frey let Catelyn slice his grandson’s throat, the one surnamed “Jinglebell” for the bell hat that he wore.

Robb had broken his word, but Catelyn kept hers. She tugged hard on Aegon's hair and sawed at his neck until the blade grated on bone. Blood ran hot over her fingers. His little bells were ringing, ringing, ringing, and the drum went boom doom boom. - Catelyn, ASOS

*This only concerns the show so far, but we have another scene where “Walder Frey” slaughter his own children:

-Little Thumbling and his brothers flee on time. So does Arya at the Twins (with a bit of help from the Hound), but she doesn’t manage to save her mother, nor her brother.

"We're here," she shouted. Her voice sounded thin and scared, a little girl's voice. "Robb's just in the castle, and my mother. The gate's even open." There were no more Freys riding out. I came so far. "We have to go get my mother." 

"Stupid little bitch." Fires glinted off the snout of his helm, and made the steel teeth shine. "You go in there, you won't come out. Maybe Frey will let you kiss your mother's corpse." - Arya, ASOS

-Little Thumbling steal the ogre’s boots, whose size magically adjusts to his feet, and also steals gold from the ogre’s wife. In Braavos, Arya steals boots (presumably her size – we’re told that the boots she previously wore were too big for her) from a Night’s Watch deserter, and cuts a purse in ADWD.

Someone slit his throat and pushed him into a canal, but they kept his boots." 

"Good boots are hard to find." 

"Just so." She tried to keep her face still. 

"Who could have done this thing, I wonder?" 

"Arya of House Stark." She watched his eyes, his mouth, the muscles of his jaw. - Cat of the canals, AFFC

She slipped her hand through the gap, slit the purse open with the finger knife, filled her fist with gold … - The ugly little girl, ADWD

As we can see, there’s a lot of parallels and foils here. I tend to view the boots as a coming-of-age achievement and a symbol of empowerment, but in my opinion, Arya’s story goes beyond that: she wants to go home and the “ogre” is the main obstacle to that quest. Her story arc in Westeros more or less culminate with the events at the Twins (her encounter with the ogre), where she powerlessly witnesses the slaughter of her family. The rest is details: she takes her revenge on Polliver and get her Needle back, which symbolically marks the end of her peregrinations as a prisoner. She frees herself from the Hound (another “ogre” figure, though this one is more ambivalent). Then she leaves. She embarks on another storyline with another “ogre”, the Titan of Braavos, who “eat the flesh of little highborn girls”. Braavos, essentially – what lays behind the Titan – is another ogre’s house:

Even so, she kept one hand on Needle as they slipped between his legs. More arrow slits dotted the insides of those great stone thighs, and when Arya craned her neck around to watch the crow's nest slip through with a good ten yards to spare, she spied murder holes beneath the Titan's armored skirts, and pale faces staring down at them from behind the iron bars.

And then they were past. – Arya, AFFC

The House of Black and White also tries to “eat” Arya’s family: Arya must forget about her mother. She must forget about her brothers. She must forget about herself and become No One. She must rid herself of her belonging. This time, nonetheless, she outwits the ogre by hiding her most precious possession (Needle) from him. The House of Black and White shares another similarity with the ogre’s house, for few who enters ever get out – actually, one could even make a case of the House of Black and White “digesting” those who came to die there: the servants clean the dead, take their purses, coins, clothes, and the faces are taken down a labyrinthine web of stairs, halls, doors underground (the “intestines”) before ending up in the Hall of Faces (as “nourishment” for the House of Black and White). There’s even a short scene in AFFC where Arya fears that the meat she’s given for her supper is actually the flesh of the dead (before the kindly man reassures her that it’s only pork).

Arya’s Little Thumbling can be taken as a criticism of the patriarchy displayed in the original tale: the woodcutter’s wife and the ogre’s wife are both depicted as passive victims of their husbands’ cruelty (the woodcutter’s wife tries to dissuade her husband from abandoning their children in the forest, but to no avail). The good mother/cruel father dichotomy is quite present in Arya’s storyline, especially in Westeros (the good mother Catelyn and the Hound, the meek lady Frey and the big bad Walder). Thus, it’s interesting that the Little Thumbling of Westeros is in fact a little girl disguised as a boy. It’s also curious that Arya herself takes the role of a mother to “Weasel”. And, as far as parents go, the Little Thumbling is also a story about the validation of the hero/heroine to his/her family: the sickly, skinny, useless Little Thumbling save his siblings from an ogre and presents a bag of gold to his parents at the end of the story. Arya “Horseface” Stark, the little sister who can’t sew, can’t stitch, can’t draw or sing, would’ve attempted (truly) to save her mother and brother by herself at the Twins – something the Hound scoffs at, because unfortunately, Arya’s story isn’t a fairy tale…

"We should go back," she suddenly decided. "We should go back to the Twins and get my mother. She can't be dead. We have to help her." 

"I thought your sister was the one with a head full of songs," the Hound growled. "Frey might have kept your mother alive to ransom, that's true. But there's no way in seven hells I'm going to pluck her out of his castle all by my bloody self."

 "Not by yourself. I'd come too." 

He made a sound that was almost a laugh. "That will scare the piss out of the old man." - Arya, ASOS

The Little Thumbling is also one of these stories where the hero’s “quest” centers around returning home. Another story of the same style would be Thumbelina: a tiny girl, the size of a thumb, is born inside a flower, stolen by a toad who wants to marry her to her son, and left on a waterlily so she can’t escape. She receives help from some fishes and a butterfly who carries her waterlily far from the toads; however, she’s then snatched by a beetle who take her up a tree for company, until fellow beetles show up and start calling Thumbelina “ugly”. Thumbelina’s abandoned again and wanders in the forest, making herself clothes from the grass and covering with a fallen leaf when the cold sets in. She finally comes across a mouse’s nest and is taken in by an old mouse who let her stay for the winter. During that time, Thumbelina finds a near-frozen, injured bird that she nurses back to health. The old mouse also introduces her to a mole who wants to marry Thumbelina, and although Thumbelina doesn’t want to marry the mole (meaning that she’d live under the earth forever), she’s not really given a choice. The day of her wedding, however, the bird she nursed back to life come to take her away and bring her to a flower field, where she meets, falls in love with and marry a tiny fairy prince who lives in a flower.

For analysts Iona and Peter Opie, the moral behind Thumbelina’s story is that people are happier when they’re with their own kind (make sense). Whereas we have Arya as the Little Thumbling of Westeros, Daenerys Targaryen would be Thumbelina: she’s “stolen” from her home soon after birth, is betrothed twice to men she has no wish to marry, goes from places to places, never really fitting in anywhere. Just like Thumbelina who can’t really find her place among toads, beetles and moles, Daenerys never really belongs with the dothraki, the people from Quarth or the meereenese, and just like Thumbelina, ends up “flying away” from an unwanted marriage and an unhappy home at the end of ADWD. Although nowhere near the size of a thumb (of course), Daenerys is described as quite small, physically, (and, like Thumbelina, dainty and beautiful). Moreover, when in the “green grass sea” in AGOT and ADWD, she could just as well be the size of a thumb, for the grass grows much higher than herself. In ADWD, Daenerys even tries to make herself some clothes (a hat) with grass.

(For those who’ve seen the 1994 movie “Thumbelina”, you might also remember how Cornelius, the fairy prince who marries Thumbelina, is temporarily frozen in a block of ice. If this doesn’t remind us of a certain westerosi prince, I mean bastard, ah, stuck around a big chunk of ice for some time.)

The paradox here lies with Thumbelina’s connection to seeds, plants and flowers, and the recurring “Dragons plants no tree” mantra from Daenerys’s story. Still, Thumbelina is a little girl in a shell: she’s born from a barley seed and sleeps in a nutshell (before being stolen by the toad). Dittos for Daenerys, a dragon in a shell who hatches in a sea of grass. ADWD leaves Daenerys in a situation that roughly mirrors Thumbelina’s forest wanderings at the brink of winter:

In this way the summer and fall went by. Then came the winter, the long, cold winter. All the birds who had sung so sweetly for her flew away. The trees and the flowers withered. The big burdock leaf under which she had lived shriveled up until nothing was left of it but a dry, yellow stalk. She was terribly cold, for her clothes had worn threadbare and she herself was so slender and frail. Poor Thumbelina, she would freeze to death! Snow began to fall, and every time a snowflake struck her it was as if she had been hit by a whole shovelful, for we are quite tall while she measured only an inch. She wrapped a withered leaf about her, but there was no warmth in it. She shivered with cold.

Near the edge of the woods where she now had arrived, was a large grain field, but the grain had been harvested long ago. Only the dry, bare stubble stuck out of the frozen ground. It was just as if she were lost in a vast forest, and oh how she shivered with cold! Then she came to the door of a field mouse, who had a little hole amidst the stubble. There this mouse lived, warm and cozy, with a whole store-room of grain, and a magnificent kitchen and pantry. Poor Thumbelina stood at the door, just like a beggar child, and pled for a little bit of barley, because she hadn't had anything to eat for two days past. (H.C. Andersen, Thumbelina)

Not to draws too many straws here, but the parallels with Daenerys are there:

Dany's clothes were hardly more than rags, and offered little in the way of warmth. (…) Sweat and grass and dirt had stained it, and Dany had torn a strip off the hem to make a bandage for her shin. I must look a ragged thing, and starved, she thought, but if the days stay warm, I will not freeze. (…) She was hungry too. (…) The grass was as tall as she was. (…) Though she walked through a green kingdom, it was not the deep rich green of summer. Even here autumn made its presence felt, and winter would not be far behind. The grass was paler than she remembered, a wan and sickly green on the verge of going yellow. After that would come brown. The grass was dying. (…) "I need a hat," she said aloud. Up on Dragonstone she had tried to make one for herself, weaving stalks of grass together as she had seen Dothraki women do during her time with Drogo, but either she was using the wrong sort of grass or she simply lacked the necessary skill. Her hats all fell to pieces in her hands. (…) "I am lost at sea," she said (…) Instead she began to shiver violently. (…) She scooped up a handful of mud and water in trembling hands. – Daenerys, ADWD

And both girls are rescued from this environment by flying creatures. Little Thumbelina is small enough to mount a bird. Daenerys, a girl of “regular” size, mounts a dragon:

"Yes, I will go with you!" said Thumbelina. She sat on his back, put her feet on his outstretched wings, and fastened her sash to one of his strongest feathers. Then the swallow soared into the air over forests and over lakes, high up over the great mountains that are always capped with snow. When Thumbelina felt cold in the chill air, she crept under the bird's warm feathers, with only her little head stuck out to watch all the wonderful sights below. (H.C. Andersen, Thumbelina)

Dany leapt onto his back. She stank of blood and sweat and fear, but none of that mattered. "To go forward I must go back," she said. Her bare legs tightened around the dragon's neck. She kicked him, and Drogon threw himself into the sky. – Daenerys, ADWD

Thumbelina flies to a country of eternal spring, where she meets the fairy prince and gets her happily ever after. The bird who carried her is sad nonetheless because she chose the fairy prince over him.

From what we know, Daenerys will soon be flying to a country threatened by eternal winter, where she will meet a prince (Jon) who connects both with flowers (the “blue flower from a chunk of ice”) and snow.

These are, so far, Arya’s and Daenerys’s journeys back home.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Hyung line parenting 101

@svt-seokhoon-17  I have an family au. Cheolsoo are the parents of Vernon, jeonghoon are the parents of seungkwan, wonhui are the parents of minghao and mingyu, hoshi is a single parent raising seokmin and dino. It’s the 7 oldest being the parents and youngest 6 being kids |  Omg yes (like thoes soulmate, best friend bullet point things or something different)

requested by anon: “A Lee family au (father woozi, mother jeonghan, child seungkwan)”

admin note: sorry this is late LEGIT MOST OF THIS WAS RANDOM RAMBLING AND I THINK IT’S FUNNY BUT SORRY IF IT WASN’T WHAT YOU MEANT

Cheolsoo family

their kid is currently in elementary school

tbh Joshua and Seungcheol are the proudest hype parents ever

they’re proud Hansol can find his way from the house to the bus station

or if he remembers their phone numbers

they hype everything he does

even if it’s just putting on his shoes

nothing Vernon does can be called stupid to them

except for that one time he tried eating a mud pie made from mud, clearly

and Vernon isn’t a stupid kid

no not at all

he just likes hanging out with friends and watching youtube videos more than coloring in pictures of George Washington and reading short chapter books about a magic tree house

he only colors when he knows the homework is due the next day

and then he colors outside the lines because why would you want to color inside the lines, that’s boring

he somehow always finishes his math hw though

without fail

it’s like magic

he hangs out a lot with the Lee family’s kid, Seungkwan

not because the kid does Vernon’s math hw for him or anything

they’re best friends but Vernon denies this

which sometimes hurts Seungkwan’s feelings

but then they play tag or watch some mine craft videos together

and they make up and Vernon finally admits they're best friends

and Vernon protects his best friend from the bullies on the playground

bullies being the girls who call Seungkwan ugly

Vernon will throw tanbark at them no joke

and you know he'd be that one kid that gets in trouble for putting gum in a girl's hair but she was asking for it by making fun of Seungkwan 

and he pushes Seungkwan on the swings a lot too

never complains about it 

Joshua is the parent who works from home

because his child’s education is really important and they need to have one parent home at least

according to his how to be a parent book

also in charge of the school's PTA 

so everyone knows Vernon

Joshua is always planning like fifty bake sales and a bunch of fundraisers 

also tries convincing the school to host a carnival

just so Vernon can ride the Ferris wheel

he also drags the whole family to church on Sunday

he always tries cooking dinner with an apron that says “Thank God for this chef”

but he can’t cook

at all

so Seungcheol always has to put out whatever fire is roaring in the kitchen

and then order takeout

Joshua’s one of those classy af parents sipping wine in the driveway with a book while their kid runs past screaming

“You’re doing great sweetie, don’t kill the neighbor’s cat like last time.” without even looking up

really loves his family though

reads bedtime stories to both Seungcheol and Vernon even though Vernon insists he stop

always packing Vernon’s lunch in a little brown paper bag with a heart drawn on it

which some people tease Vernon for

but he will fight them if they mess with it

and he secretly likes how much his parents care for him in the randomest ways

they have a pool in the backyard

so they’re always throwing neighborhood parties

Seungcheol can actually manage BBQ’s pretty well

so he makes stuff like hamburgers, hot dogs for Vernon and Joshua

he works downtown

pretty nice office space with a nice view

normal eight-hour work day type deal

never comes home and complains though

and always that parent dragging their kid out on the lawn to run through the sprinklers in summer

and tends to set things on fire with sparklers

rest in peace that poor rose bush

the one to mow the lawn in something embarrassing like just underwear

with Joshua covering Vernon's eyes and yelling for him to put a shirt on there are children what are you doing you need Jisoos

Seungcheol also the one to go to the hardware store for a lightbulb and ends up getting the idea to build a treehouse

and makes Vernon help him

even though it ends up being Joshua putting all the planks together and Seungcheol meekly hammering them together

they often go on family vacations too

so they don’t have a pet

it probably wouldn’t survive

camping often because nature

though secretly they all bring like ten portable battery chargers each and use data to check SNS

they all drive to the beach and take lots of family photos

photos end up on the fireplace mantel

everyone who sees the pictures can't deny how cute this family is

Vernon and Seungcheol teaming up to play a prank on Joshua, with whip cream

but they get caught

and end up being given a long lecture

Seungcheol nodding his head pretending to listen

Vernon mimicking Joshua

but mess with Vernon, or any of the family

and even Joshua can turn savage

next day your car is covered in soap or post-its

and you bring it up at the home owners' association meeting

Cheolsoo will high five each other and smile innocently

like "we have no idea who could have done that"

fights are nonexistent

they all think alike too much

they all love each other

they’re family

Jeonghoon family

tbh if savagery were parents

Jeonghan always bringing in the latest gossip from the other neighborhood parents

ranting on and on to Jihoon about how one person didn’t trim their lawn

or how their cat keeps pooping in the petunias

like how dare they

and Jihoon just nods

until Jeonghan brings up the neighbors that party too loudly

then Jihoon joins Jeonghan’s roasting fest

as they both criticize their neighbor’s music taste

“why even throw a party at all?”

“I’d rather die.”

they're always plotting their revenge on some random kid or neighbor

they tolerate the Cheolsoo family

though they low key like being neighbors because they can watch Seungkwan for them whenever he hangs out with Hansol

and then they can chill and do whatever they want

and the Cheolsoo family has lit pool parties

a bit suspicious of Vernon, but they love Vernon too

low key savage to their own kid too

“do whatever”

but they always secretly worry

and Seungkwan can tell this from their questions

“How’d you do on the spelling test? Not that we care it’s whatever.”

Seungkwan is a really smart kid

though they sometimes think he might be a pushover

so they try toughing Seungkwan up

going camping like the Choi's

doesn't go exactly as planned

too many mosquitos

not enough high speed internet

so the whole trying to toughen up their kid

doesn’t go so well

Seungkwan could end up crying

so they give up and give the kid ice cream

parenting experts clearly

Jihoon has an at home-studio

works on stuff and lets Seungkwan run around

might complain about annoying Seungkwan is

but let's Seungkwan do whatever he wants

the kid running around and testing all the sound equipment

and listening to the music his dad is composing

being brutally honest and savage

because he learned rom the best

"you sure you want to put that key change there?"

"get out"

Jeonghan just stays home and watches reality tv shows

“Seungkwan, I swear if you keep doing that kid’s math hw… actually go ahead, we like that family.”

and Seungkwan will sit and watch too

and criticize the show's plot points

before Jeonghan tells his kid to be quiet

but Jeonghoon love Seungkwan a lot

Seungkwan is always bring them his pictures, drawings, paintings, hw, tests, etc.

and they don’t say much

and so you'd think they don't acknowledge the kid

but you're wrong

all the drawings are hung up somewhere

the bathroom

the fridge

on the garage door

everywhere

and the tests always end up taped to the window with the perfect scores facing outside

and they’re always bragging about Seungkwan to their friends

“Yea my kid is a genius, I bet he could do algebra better than your kid” even though Seungkwan’s only in elementary school and doesn’t know algebra

Seungkwan’s always leads for the chorus shows and school productions

no one even fights him for it

the teachers just know

and he always drags Vernon into the shows

and on opening night Jeonghan and Jihoon are sitting front row center

with a huge af sign with Seungkwan’s name on it

not even caring they’re blocking other parents

proudest parents in the world that would never admit that nonsense

and they’ll tell you no recording because respect the school's rules

but you know secretly they’re recording the whole thing on their phones too

to send to friends and family like they do every year

"The Lee Family would like to say Season's Greetings"

and buy Seungkwan a flower bouquet afterwards

and all the ice cream the kid wants

maybe going with the Choi family

Jeonghan always buying takeout and putting it on fancy dishes to pretend he cooked it

fools Jihoon but not Seungkwan

who's learning to be more savage each day from his parents

"If I wanted takeout, I could just eat next door."

also Jeonghan's the parent to smear the frosting on store-bought cupcakes to make it look home-made

"They'll never notice"

Jihoon always the one doing the cleanup, washing dishes, mowing the lawn, changing lightbulbs (despite being short)

with Jeonghan telling him every five minutes “good job” without looking up from his drama series

the parents that prank all their neighborhood friends

"Quick we need to TP the house before they call the cops!"

Seungkwan's just shaking his head being dragged into it like

"Again?!?!?"

"They forgot to bring in their garbage cans, this is deserving."

end up all running away in the dark

and hiding in bushes

and laughing together as a family

before they start getting a bunch of insect bites from the bush

and rush home to shower and help each other with the anti-itch cream

they all love each other

they're family

Wonhui family

appear as the family that’s most got their ish together

with Wonwoo being a smart professor with a library at home

and Jun with his artistic performance arts stuff at the local theater all the time

gives lessons to Seungkwan for shows

which Jeonghoon is ok with because it's free

and Wonwoo tutoring Vernon

pretty calm and quiet parents at social events

except if they're the ones hosting

then ish can get crazy

don't play charades at the Jeon household

tbh their kids are always trying to ship the other to Canada or somewhere

“Hey dad I need a box.”

“How big?”

“Mingyu, how tall are you?”

“I need a box as big as Mingyu.”

“HELP MINGHAO IS TRYING TO SHOVE ME IN A BOX.”

“Minghao stop trying to ship your brother to Canada, you can’t afford the shipping fee anyway!”

Wonwoo always running around trying to stop the kids from fighting

Jun just casually in a corner, sipping wine and staring at the chaos

not even trying to help

just shakes his head and continues whatever he's doing

and Mingyu is the actual adult of the family

like yes his parents pay the bills

but they can't cook

he and Minghao may be in middle school

and Jun and Wonwoo may be the parents

but he’s always the one to cook and change light bulbs and make everyone else's lunch

wearing an apron too big for a middle schooler

but he's tall

Minghao denies being his sibling at schoool

even though Mingu is older

Minghao's like "Mingyu who?"

Mingyu always trailing after Minghao to annoy him but also to get attention from him

Mingyu also teasing Minghao for being taller than him

and people tend to call them 2Ming for short

which they hate

don't ever

unless you want a fight

separate friend groups at school but always sit together for lunch on fridays

and although they often argue

pray for Wonwoo and Jun if they decide to team up for a prank

let's just say 2Ming is still grounded after the last "incident"

middle school = angsty teens

but Minghao and Mingyu are surprisingly well behaved

sometimes

they both have a lot of extracurriculars  

hecka busy schedule this family

never enough time for anything

Jun's performances at night

Wonwoo's lectures in the morning

martial arts class for Minghao

home economics class for Mingyu

Minghao always being done with the rest of his family

"How am I related to all of you?"

secretly loves his crazy family though

especially when Mingyu sticks up for him when people say he's a crazy nunchuck wielding ninja

which he is

they both do really well in school though

cuz smart parents

Mingyu always reminding everyone about important dates and appointments

being the mature parent one minute

and acting like a giant puppy the next

too busy for family vacations

so they just go out to fancy restaurants to eat every weekend

the one family to sing along to songs together in the car

but if the kids see someone from school

"I swear I don't know them, my family actually lives in Antarctica."

don't prank other neighbors either

mostly because they argue how extreme it should be

so generally when the Lee family strikes

they do four separate things

which is chaotic

but functional enough

Wonwoo always the one trying to calm everyone and be logical

Jun not helping whatsoever watching everyone struggle

Mingyu trying to fix everything by peaceful terms

and Minghao wanting chaotic means

they're a mess, but

they all love each other

they're family 

Kwon family

Seokmin is in middle school with Mingyu and Minghao

often hangs out with them

though he can't decide which friend group

so he floats from one to the other

like's hanging out with Chan too

but Chan is still in elementary school

a year younger than Seungkwan and Hansol

Soonyoung doing that hard carry as the single parent

dance classes for the whole family though

it's always lit at their birthday parties

choreos always on point

you know they rehearsed for that wedding they attended

"we have to nail the choreo to wow all the grandparents"

tbh also has a who's the adult crisis like the Wonhui family

with Chan having to scold Soonyoung for forgetting to pick him and Seokmin up

and Seokmin just being a huge happy fluffball

like idk what's going on but I love you all

Seokmin likes singing in chorus

so ends up seeing the elementary school choral director

and volunteering to teach the little ones

like Vernon and Seungkwan

and drags his dongsaeng Chan along

likes planning out all the costumes for shows too

and gets his dad to teach them choreos

and to just choreo the whole show

and Chan's just trying to hide the fact he's related to two huge dorks

but he's a dork too

and just gives up

he's a smart kid

like a genius

he's skipped a grade already

and can sometimes help Seokmin with his hw

which surprises Soonyoung who doesn't know what to do

but give his unending support to both his children

Soonyoung always asking the other parents for advice

but tbh do any of them know anything about parenting at this point

lots of full street block parties

Soonyoung is just glad to be included

his kids have friends within the neighborhood which is nice

probably the only family able to have a pet and still function

though Chan is like "Why get a pet, isn't that what Dokyeom-hyung is for?"

which gets him in trouble with soonyoung

and he apologizes

Seokshine is still smiley

they get a puppy

and that puppy leads them to get fishes too

and another puppy

and that's a lot

so Chan takes care of the fishes

and Soonyoung and Seokmin walk the puppies

Chan also does most of the cleaning

and god forbid there's a SpIdER 

because none of them will be able to catch it

except maybe Chan

and maybe Soonyoung, if he learns how to use a flamethrower safely

Seokmin always relying on Soonyoung

don't mess with Soonyoung's kid unless you want a hurricane to hit you

Chan really relies on Soonyoung too

since he's kind of quiet at school

he'd never admit it

but Soonyoung's stupid dad jokes and silly dances make him laugh

Soonyoung would legit fight a dragon for his kids

they don't travel often

but when they do they always have crazy stories to tell when they come back

like the trip to the beach

where Chan fell into a tide pool

and Seokmin fell in after him

and Soonyoung slipped trying to save them

so they all ended up in a tiny tide pool

with fish swimming between them and starfish surrounding them

would probably dance as a family for money at a birthday party

and they're pretty good too

they all love each other

they're family

MASTERLIST

[carafinn]

won’t be soon before long

victuuri fairytale AU inspired by a tumblr post, ft. georgi who cannot get a break

It’s a beautiful summer morning, and Georgi’s seated on a large frond in the middle of the magical swamp in his backyard, trying his best to brood dramatically about his beloved Anya despite being silhouetted against a lovely magical forest full of cheerful woodlands creatures rather than the preferred bitterly cold wintery day or a cliff overlooking a tragically fleeting sunset.

“Help!” comes a man’s cry.

Georgi sighs. Dramatically.

It’s not the first time a traveller has wandered into his residence and strayed into his swamp; this is precisely why he’s erected multiple signage around the area to deter people from entering (and disrupting his very precious, very sacred brooding sessions): “DO NOT ENTER” “DANGER KEEP OUT” “WITCH NECROMANCER EXTREMELY DANGEROUS SOUL-SUCKING DEMON CREATURE OF THE DARK’S RESIDENCE” “MILKMAN TO LEAVE MILK UNDERNEATH POPPY PLANT THANK YOU”

Georgi rows himself to the source of the noise with a discarded tree branch and sees a young, silver-haired guy struggling to keep afloat. The man, upon spotting Georgi, immediately reaches his hands out to grab hold of Georgi’s tree branch to keep himself afloat. There’s a moment of silence as the two men tussle for ownership of the branch; Georgi loses his balance and almost falls off the frond.

“Who are you, and how dare you trespass upon my residence,” Georgi demands in his most impressive voice. Next to him, the tiny hatchling perched on his left shoulder lets out a particularly menacing chirrp. Smoke billows out ominously from Georgi’s cottage through the chimney, accompanied by the refreshing scent of freshly baked honeysuckle pie.

“I’m sorry,” begged the man. “I am Viktor Nikiforov, and I am the Royal Prince. My dad, the king, wanted to marry me off to some princess, but I didn’t want to, so I ran away into the forest and got lost.”

A royal scandal? A lost love, never meant to be? Now that’s the tragic backstory Georgi’s always dreamed of. He nods, and Viktor takes it as a sign to continue.

“- and then I was walking along a random path and I didn’t realise where I was going and I caught sight of a beautiful face in the swamp and was so enraptured by his beauty, I walked straight into the pond –”

The halfwit got distracted by his own reflection in the swamp. Everyday Georgi finds new things to be depressed about.

Georgi decides that it’s the last straw; if he’s is to deter other travellers from bumbling into his residence, he’s going to have to set his foot down and punish these wrongdoers, damnit.

“I’ll save you,” Georgi tells Viktor grimly, “In return for your most prized possession.”

Viktor considers the statement for a second. “Seems fair. What do you want?”

Georgi blinks, surprised. Clearly he hadn’t thought through it carefully. “Uh, how much do you have with you now?”

“I’ve, like, three bronze coins,” Viktor confesses. “And an old creaky violin.”

That won’t do. “Any other prized possessions?”

“I’ve a secret family recipe for a blueberry tart that’s famous in certain knitting circles,” Viktor offers.

Tempting, but… “Anything else?”

“I could offer you my virgini-”

“YOUR FIRSTBORN,” Georgi says, loudly. “YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILD.”

“Sure, but how can you make sure I won't lie and run away?” Viktor frowns, concerned.

“We’ll enter a magically binding agreement,” Georgi decrees grandly, pulling out his wand with his free hand and gesturing to the air around them. “You will pass me your firstborn on the pain of death. Until you do, you’re not allowed to leave this forest.”

“Deal!”

A spark of magic flies out from Georgi’s wand, and then fizzes away; now Viktor will have no choice but to obey him.

“By the way,” Viktor says, “Were you trying to brood while sitting on a piece of banana leaf? That’s like, so uncool.”

Georgi lets go of the tree branch.

   Days turn into weeks turn into months, and Viktor still hasn’t found a better half to breed a spawn with.

Georgi realises, with a rising wave of panic, that being trapped in the forest as a means of escaping his royal arranged marriage might have been Viktor’s goal all along.

Desperate times beget desperate measures. If Viktor’s not going to actively try to do something about the state of his singlehood, then Georgi is going to intervene.

Georgi’s concept of romance has, thus far, involved a lot of one-sided pining, angst-ridden poetry, and inconsolable weeping.

Trying to get Viktor a partner yields pretty much the same teary results.

“Viktor, look outside! It’s Mila Babicheva passing by with her dad!” Georgi would say, peeking through a gap in the fence surrounding his backyard. Everyone knew Mila, even magical spirits like Georgi who lived in the middle of a forest, for her beauty was truly legendary. “Quick, run out before it’s too late!”

“Not interested,” Viktor would singsong, from his half-reclined position on Georgi’s favourite frond in the middle of the swamp, where he is playing his violin and sipping cranberry juice. “Be a lamb and refill the juice for me, won’t you?”

  “Viktor, an exquisite looking young man’s sleeping underneath the toadstool outside with his equally exquisite husky! Didn’t you say that you like dogs?”

“Only fat, woolly ones, Georgi! Try harder!”

  “Viktor, look at that beautiful golden-haired sexy beast of a man who’s drowning in the swamp! Naked. Totally naked. You have to save him!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Georgi, it’s low tide today. The water level’s barely at my ankles.”

  Georgi’s almost resigned to living the rest of his life in Viktor’s company. At this point, because there is clearly no god, Georgi’s pretty sure that he’s the one being punished.

This goes on until Viktor comes running into the cottage one day in the midst of Georgi’s baking session, butt-naked and dripping wet.

“Georgi, Georgi, I found the man of my dreams,” Viktor breathes.

“What the hell are you doing here, get out of the house and get together with him!” Georgi orders shrilly, dropping the spatula in his hands in favour of jabbing a finger towards the general direction of the door. “Do so at once!”

To his horror, Viktor burst into tears.

“I tried to,” Viktor says. “I was soaking in one of the hot springs outside and I saw – I saw this gorgeous man, playing his flute to woodland creatures and – and he’s so perfect, Georgi, so perfect – and I just – I didn’t think – and I ran out of the water and started to chase after him.”

“You… chased after him,” Georgi says faintly, after a moment of silence. “Naked.”

“He ran away from me,” Viktor wails, as if that he hadn’t expected that to be the logical conclusion of the story. “I will never find true love again. Never." He trudges into his bedroom – his bedroom, in Georgi’s house – and leaves a trail of sad-looking muddy footprints on the floor. Within a few minutes, the house is filled with the sound of weepy violin music.

And people think Georgi is dramatic. Georgi lets out a long-suffering sigh, and goes to take the mop from underneath the kitchen sink. 

  In order to ensure that Viktor succeeds in wooing the mysterious flute man, Georgi decides to tap on his witchcraft to gather information about him. Know thy enemy, and so on.

The man’s name is Katsuki Yuuri. He’s the ex-apprentice of one of the most famous musicians in the country, Celestino. He wanders into the forest every other day of the week and plays some sad drippy flute music to woodland creatures, for reasons that largely elude Georgi. He’s soft-spoken, owns a pet dog , and has the sort of fashion sense that makes Georgi wants to scream in pain and anguish.

The woodlands creatures adore him.

Most humans don’t make it out of magical forests alive; Yuuri wanders in and out of the place, blissfully ignorant of the fact, like it’s his own backyard.

Viktor, traumatised from his disastrous encounter with Yuuri, has taken to pining after Yuuri from afar instead.

“I mean, it’s not pathetic at all,” Georgi says in a monotone, because romance is dead. Romance is dead because Viktor Nikiforov killed it. “You’ve only been pining after him for six months.”

“Oh, shut up,” Viktor snaps from his hiding place behind a large magical toadstool.

Katsuki Yuuri is sitting serenely by the river bank, playing his flute. Clearly, Viktor is not the only besotted creature here – as he sits down, the sunflowers within a ten metre radius immediately unfurl to full bloom and turn to face him, basking him in a faint, yellow, ethereal glow. A baby owlet descends shyly upon Yuuri’s shoulders, and is soon joined by what seems to be its entire extended furry family. Two grizzly bears are perched docilely on a large tree trunk, curled up snugly together and pretty as a picture, as if they hadn’t been trying to claw each other’s eyes out fighting over a small rodent just moments ago.

Viktor remains immobile behind the toadstool for the next hour, and then visibly wilts as Yuuri packs up and disappears into the forest.

“Definitely not pathetic,” Georgi repeats himself. The whole pining-after-someone-from-afar routine had been fine when he was the one doing it; Georgi mopes tastefully. Very tastefully. Viktor’s sickening moping, on the other hand, just involves a lot of snivelling, hiding behind toadstools, and binge-eating on pies.

The foolish man is self-deluded enough to insist, “our child will be beautiful and adorable and musical.”

“And imaginary,” Georgi murmurs darkly. Time to take matters into his own hands; he will get hold of Viktor’s firstborn.

  The next time Yuuri comes to the forest, Georgi strikes. He summons a gust of wind that lifts Yuuri up from his place beside the river bank, above a few magnolia bushes, across a large willow tree – almost snaring the boy’s pants in the branches in the process – and dumps him in the middle of Georgi’s swamp.

In the middle of Georgi’s swamp where, conveniently, Viktor is practicing his morning yoga on his frond (fully clothed; Georgi had made sure of that before carrying out his evil ploy.)

Viktor turns his head towards the source of the noise in alarm, and visibly pales to realise that it’s Yuuri.

“Go get him,” Georgi whispers furiously under his breath, crouched behind his window in the cottage. He’s not proud of his hare-brained ploy, he really isn’t, but because the alternative is spending the rest of eternity with Viktor Nikiforov, Georgi can’t even bring himself to feel ashamed.

Georgi watches as Viktor gets over his shock and tries, valiantly, to manoeuvre his frond towards Yuuri’s general direction. He makes it about three yards before wobbling dangerously and then promptly falls off the leaf into the swamp.

Georgi is left to gape in horror as the next sequence of events unfolds in slow motion.

Katsuki Yuuri freezes for a moment, before he gathers himself and starts to swim – no, bulldoze – towards Viktor with a few strong strokes, just in time to catch the other man who, overcome by shock, has fainted, face-down, into the muddy waters. He wraps one (beautiful, toned) arm around Viktor and, with the remaining (beautiful, toned) arm, paddles his way to shore within five seconds, with the strength and grace of a motherfucking mermaid.

“Please wake up, wake up!” Georgi hears Yuuri say as he shakes Viktor’s shoulders. Viktor coughs, makes a revolting choked sound reminiscent of a badly constipated troll, and falls limply back onto the ground.

Georgi runs towards the two men and barely makes it in time to watch, agog, as Yuuri takes a deep breath, shuts his eye, and kisses Viktor.

A few unbearable seconds pass as Viktor lets out another series of cough and opens his eyes.

“Am I dead?” Viktor murmurs, peering at Yuuri through his long, long lashes. “Is this why you’re here?”

“It’s okay.” Yuuri lets out a shaky laugh. “You’re okay now.”

Georgi doesn’t cry, but it’s a near thing.

  As it turns out, Viktor’s disappearance had triggered off a nation-wide search for their beloved crown prince, who, as rumour had it, seemed to have vanished overnight into the enchanted forest. The reason why Yuuri had taken to venturing into the woods to play his instrument was, in fact, an attempt at seeking Viktor out, as if the latter were some shy, fragile woodland creature to be lured out with sad drippy flute music.

“But you ran away from me,” Viktor says, because he is incapable of getting over the insult. “That time, when I met you at the hot spring.”

Yuuri looks at Viktor in a way that makes his opinion of dubious men who leap out of hot springs to chase after unsuspecting strangers, while being naked, abundantly clear.

“Fine, fine, fair enough,” Viktor concedes. “What did the king promise for my return?”

"Five hundred thousand pounds and a lifetime supply of pork cutlet bowls. But," Yuuri blushes deeply, “that’s not why I’m here, though!”

“Oh, Yuuri –”

“I’ve always,” Yuuri says, blushes even deeper, and looks down demurely at his clenched fist. “Ever since I was a kid – when I saw you play the violin at the royal wedding –”

Viktor takes Yuuri’s hands into his own. “I’m glad you found me, in the end.”

“Yes, yes, very touching,” Georgi interrupts. “Now, Viktor, if you’d remember your promise to me –”

Viktor lets out a soft sigh. “But I can’t go back to the country. The king will just try to marry me off again.”

“We could stay here, in the woods, together,” Yuuri exhales. “Forever.”

Wait, what?

“You’re right,” Viktor gushes. “I like it here. And the cottage is big enough for one more person.”

“No,” Georgi whispers faintly. “No, no it isn’t –”

“That’s it, then,” Yuuri says with a watery smile, completely oblivious as to the way Georgi is clutching onto the tabletop to prevent himself from passing out. “I still can’t believe this is happening.”

“And when we have children,” Viktor says, eyes sparkling with pure unadulterated joy, “Georgi can be the godfather and the nanny.”

Georgi finally passes out. 

    bonus:

 because georgi's life is one cosmic joke, their firstborn turns out to be yuri fucking plisetsky, which further cements georgi's belief that his life is one doomed to eternal hell. despite all appearances, however, yuri is actually fond of godpa georgi and conveys this by spending a large part of his infancy flinging his booger at him. at the age of three, influenced by his parents' musicality, yuri also picks up a musical instrument; yuri chooses neither the violin nor the flute, and settles for a banjo instead, just to be fucking contrary. they hold regular concerts for the woodland creatures, where georgi acts as the emcee. 

[therapybg]

What is a Golem?

In the Lord of the rings what does Gollum do? What does he want? Who does he want if for?

There is a moment to ask questions. I'm going to start this one with an aside about Ireland. Ireland has a traveling people, we call them travelers (they call themselves travelers). Some are settled, some move, some are seasonal, despite that they are a distinct group. They are indistinguishable in nearly every aspect from the "settled." As a foreigner you could not tell the difference. An ancient battle between rovers and drovers, herders and hunters, pastoralism and predation has led to different ways of perceiving the world. I'm a farmer by upbringing, but I know the ways and means of the hunter too. I figuratively have a foot in both camps. There is a game played by both "sides." The traveler is often shunted on from his or her "halting" site by the local settled police. I've seen at first hand the quality of official traveler halting sites.  A traveler often receives prejudice and unfair treatment. But the traveling person is well able to dish it out too, despite the "victim status." A travelling person will often ask me many questions in sequences (the more you know) but will divulge little information of any value to me. He or she will claim victimhood as a right, not as a tautology, but as a well defined negotiating position in a sequence. If it is an older traveler woman she may offer to tell my fortune, if I "cross her palm with silver." Do you have any scrap? Do you have any copper? Can you spare a few quid, sir? Do you want those gates? You're very good, sir! Remember the tongue is a powerful weapon both in the personal and the public sphere. I have no animosity to travelers, but I'm not often trustful of the objectives. A traveler man will ask me for favors, but not often deliver favors to me. A traveler may take me for a"mark" until I show I'm aware of the game. The traveler is educated enough to know that he preys on the customs of the settled, as a wolf would on sheep, although he cannot admit it (or the illusion disappears).  Of course there are settled who do the same. It's not a linear quality in any way, or a mark of a particular group, it is a set of tactics that become burnished in use. The traveler would argue that by enclosing the land, the settler has removed his hunting grounds and the enmity is of two tribes inhabiting one land.  This historical argument holds water too. There are strong rules within traveler society; marriage is sacrosanct, male honor is a currency.  A man's word is his bond *among the group. You may lie as much as you want to a settled. There are valid reasons for all of these things in a world without access to court, or the ability to pursue a lien. It's not a morality tale, it is about pursuit of goals and objectives. I There are mountains of book on "in group reciprocation, altruism and genetic inheritance. The Israelis have a lot of the same stuff going on. Although they are planted settlers, many are not native to the region, they survive with the support of the US and the UK against the combined might of their Arab, Persian and Egyptian  neighbors, among others.  The source of their power is having the ear of the powerful in the US and UK, the Rothschild banking syndicate, a more technically advanced country than many of their neighbors, and their diaspora in those countries. Having the the US and the UK targeted against "muslim" peoples is a fine tactic. Muslim is a very broad term indeed, you may as well use the term "Christian" and start fighting all of Europe, Latin America and Russia at the same time? Control of media is a prerequisite for this tactic, if you lose the media, you lose the advantage. We discussed this before. If an Irish traveller was viewing the scenario: he would see that settled will fight settled, lose their best men, which might be replaced by mine (the meek shall inherit..?). Gain by deception and deceit, not thru force of arms. The stupid deserve their fate is the logical position. It is an ancient gambit used by schoolchildren everywhere: get the big guy to do your bullying for you. I note that girls often use this gambit, playing on a guy's honor. Interesting, the girl doesn't need "honor" to be believed, she claims victimhood and others "rally" to the cause. Claim "racism" Claim "intolerance" Claim "victim status" then bash the "other" with "right" on your side. Self Offence. Claim "racism" Claim "intolerance" Claim "victim status" then bash the "other" with "right" on your side. Self Offence. All the time, 24/7, then use your "magic" megaphone position: subvert, subvert, subvert the conversation, the ideas, the focus of debate. Move tolerance over until it is acceptance, move acceptance over until it is observance, move observance over until it is dogma. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat till you get totalitarianism. Kill the Kulaks. Done. Next ...starve. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_famine_of_1932%E2%80%9333 It is a tactic, not an aberration. Deceive, lie, misdirect, use a pretty assistant, use smoke, use mirrors, use devices, uses suggestion, use the stage you construct. Create a dark room. Become the light. I am not saying that a garrison in the Middle East is not favorable for World powers, but I do wonder when the tail started wagging the dog, officially? I have an idea about that too :) Where is the weakness in this plan? Simple answer: Love is the answer. If the Americans wake up and value their own youth? If the Americans laugh at the idea of being the world's policeman? If the Americans support Americans first? If Americans print their own money? If they find out that 9-11 was not a "muslim" operation? If the Americans make peace with Libyans, Syrians, Egyptians, Iraqis, Iranians, Yemenis, Saudis and Afghanis? Would you like to play a game? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086567/ When I did my original piece about Kennedy, I noted that some ears perked up. Why would that be I asked myself? I knew a partial answer, I didn't think they'd be quite so twitchy just yet :)...we're not there yet, yet. “As I wrote Mr. Ben-Gurion, this government’s commitment to and support of Israel could be seriously jeopardized if it should be thought that we were unable to obtain reliable information on a subject as vital to peace as Israel’s effort in the nuclear field,” the telegram said."https://www.jpost.com/Diaspora/President-Kennedy-gave-Israel-a-strong-warning-about-its-nuclear-reactor-in-1963-589107 I noted that Israeli embassies closed shop all over the world at very short notice recently. I also noticed a projected date for a huge false flag event on the weekend of November 3rd in Seattle. The projected result of this event: an ICBM attack on the city during a football game was to create a war *with whoever would be deemed the perpetrator of this killing of over 1m people,  *like 9-11 was. It didn't happen (that doesn't mean it wasn't planned to happen on that date). Understand that these people are working to a script. We've discussed the Epstein - Mossad - C_A  connection.  We've seen how large corporate entities like hellywood and the news media are virulently anti-Trump and are doing everything possible to kill that story.  Whoever is pushing these things is working in the shadows, but it is coming into the light all over the world. The whole picture has a vague tint of yellow to it: Orange man Bad.  Arab man bad. White man bad. Everyone bad, except..."minorities." Why are they so focused on sexually deviant lifestyles: gays, transexuals, pronouning, pedos? Ask yourself the question. Then ask why is the "heartland," "mom, pop and apple pie, "middle America, nuclear family, so pro Trump? There is an answer. Why do they call Trump a racist *specifically? Is it to get ahead of a story? Let's return to Kennedy for a moment... I was watching a show on YouTube a while back, from a guy who later went missing, Bill Smith. It was about the Yad Kennedy memorial in Israel. "The 60-foot high (18 m) memorial is shaped like the stump of a felled tree, symbolizing a life cut short.Inside is a bronze relief of Kennedy, with an eternal flame burning in the center."https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yad_Kennedy Smith makes the case that Jack Ruby was Jack Rubinstein who may have been connected to  Meyer Lansky.  Wikipedia makes the opposite assertion: The Commission indicated that there was not a "significant link between Ruby and organized crime" and said he acted independently in killing Oswald. Of course he did, they all do. In September 1964, the Warren Commission concluded that Ruby acted alone in killing Oswald. Various groups believed Ruby was involved with major figures in organized crime and that he killed Oswald as part of an overall plot surrounding the assassination of Kennedy." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Ruby We know George Bush Sr. was in Dallas. He rose to head the C_A.  We know what became of the C_A. We're pretty sure junior had a connection to 9-11 and he had some friends over for the event. We are finding out a lot of stuff which has been buried, it's piling up, in fact.

When all this is done, we might have to look who is printing the money? And who is doing the dying? A reckoning, you might call it. I'm not saying it is Israel (Israel didn't pay for the monument, others did). There is a script. It is not "Arabs, nor white men, nor Muslims, nor Israelis.  I'm saying there is a hidden hand.

What if the end they so desperately seek, becomes their end?  Gollum : Myyyy... Precious! Smeagol : The precious will be ours... once the Hobbitses are dead!   As my Irish traveler friends would put it: "Sher you're a beast of a man, fair dues. Now, let's be seein ya, fien."   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golem https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gollum https://vocal.media/geeks/gollum-a-warning-to-us-all   https://www.jpost.com/Diaspora/President-Kennedy-gave-Israel-a-strong-warning-about-its-nuclear-reactor-in-1963-589107   Read the full article

[dragonasheswrites-blog]

Determination of Safety

Papyrus has finally captured a human! Surely, this is the greatest day of his life!

...At least, until the human turns up missing and some uncomfortable truths are revealed.

Click here to read on Archive of Our Own, or read more below the cut.

“SANS!”

“what’s up, bro?”

“I CAN’T FIND THE HUMAN!”

“wha…?”

Sans rolled off the couch.  The human...Papyrus had just captured the kid, hadn’t he?  What could possibly have happened?

“SANS!”

He followed his brother’s voice outside.  Papyrus was visible just inside the shed’s open doorway, pacing back and forth.  Behind him was a set of bars far too wide to catch anything smaller than Asgore himself.  On the other side was a bowl of dog food; thankfully for the kid’s health, it was untouched.

“SA-oh, there you are.  The human is gone!”

“i, uh, see that, paps.”  Sans let the door close behind him gently.  It had a tendency to stick during Snowdin’s brief warm spells, and it had been unseasonably warm lately.  “kid’s so small, she probably slipped right through the bars.”

“I KNOW!  I thought humans were MUCH larger!  Undyne is always talking about how strong and terrifying humans are...I never thought they could be so SMALL!”

“eh, bad luck, buddy.”  He turned to leave.

“NO!  WE CAN’T JUST LET THE HUMAN ROAM AROUND!  WHAT IF SHE GETS HURT?  WHAT IF SHE GETS COLD?  WHAT IF…”  Papyrus paused dramatically, “SHE GETS HUNGRY???”

“good point.  we should…”

“SANS?  WHAT IS IT?  YOU TRAILED OFF STRANGELY THERE.”

“um...paps?  i think you should, uh, see this.”

“WHAT?  ...Oh.”

Sans stepped aside so his brother could get a better look at the door.  Across the wooden surface, from about Sans’s waist height down to the floor, were marks in sets of three and four.  Sans ran his hand over the door, remembering the size of the kid’s hand in his own.  The marks...they matched up.  Scratches.  He knelt down, examining the area around the bottom of the door where the marks were the thickest, and felt his soul lurch when he saw half-dried rusty red streaks.

“paps...did you close the door on the kid?”

“I...I did.  I thought...she’s very strong, you know.  I thought she’d be fine…”

“just because humans have strong souls doesn’t always mean they have strong bodies.  they’re not...not like us.”

“I didn’t know.  I didn’t think she’d try to get out.  I left a note, asking her to stay put.  I just wanted her to be safe until Undyne could come collect-”

“oh, paps.  no.”

“...What do you mean?”

Sans took a deep breath.  “so...i guess undyne never told you what the royal guard does with humans, huh.”

“...Take them to the Capitol?”

“after that.”

“...Take them to Asgore?”

“and what do you think asgore does to them?”

“He, uh, gives them...tea?  And asks for their help to break the barrier?”

“nope.”

“Oh.”  Papyrus was quiet for a long time, looking at the claw marks of a desperate human child.

Sans felt bad - he’d never wanted to break his little brother’s delusions - but a part of him knew that it wouldn’t matter.  A human with that much DETERMINATION would probably cause an anomaly in the timeline.  In all likelihood, she could reset on a whim.  He’d probably had this conversation a hundred times already.

“He...the king...he takes their souls, doesn’t he?  That’s how we got the six human souls.”

“yeah, bro.”

“It hurts them, doesn’t it.”

“yeah, bro.”

“Why...why didn’t anyone tell me?  You, Undyne, the dogs...why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“gosh, paps.  we...we didn’t want to destroy your dream.”

“My dream...you mean being a Very Famous Royal Guardsman, don’t you?  But...but Royal Guards...they help Asgore...they help collect souls, don’t they?”

Sans sighed.  “you’re too good for this place, y’know?  and then you said you wanted to be in the royal guard.  if you weren’t as strong as you are, well, that would be easy, wouldn’t it?  and you weren’t, at first.  but you kept training and training, becoming almost as strong as undyne.  she couldn’t keep giving you excuses when you were stronger than half the guard.  and if she told you that all that work was going to go to waste?  that it was all to get a job that you wouldn’t like in the first place?  well...no one wanted to do that.”

“I just...I wish someone had told me.  I should have realized.  I...I really am as stupid as Dad always said I was-”

“D O N ‘ T .”

“-aren’t I?  Sans?  What’s...what’s wrong?”

Sans felt like his bones were frozen together.  He hadn’t heard Papyrus so much as reference their father in passing since The Accident.  The thought that his baby brother still remembered their father - remembered the threats, the insults, the experiments - it was too much to process.

So Sans did what he did best: he ignored it.

“...Sans?  Your magic is doing funny things and I’m not sure that’s safe to do in such a small area and-”

“heh.  sorry, paps.  that better?”

“...Yes.  Though that’s a bit scary that you can give off that much magic...and then turn it off on a whim…”

“sorry.  say, we’d better find the kid, huh?”

“RIGHT!  FEAR NOT, BROTHER!  I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL FIND THE HUMAN BEFORE ANY HARM BEFALLS HER!  I SHALL NOT REST UNTIL SHE IS SAFE IN THE CAPTURE ZONE ONCE MORE!  ...AND MY BROTHER HAS DISAPPEARED ON ME!  AGAIN!  CURSE THESE TIME-SPACE SHENANIGANS!”

On the roof of the shed, Sans suppressed a chuckle.  He didn’t see the kid, but...ah, there.  Footprints.

He took another shortcut into the forest, careful to stay out of sight.  As one of the few people in the Underground with real, factual knowledge of humans, he was all too aware of the danger of an unstable human.

He didn’t see any dust - thank the stars for small miracles - but the kid’s footsteps were staggering in circles.  She hadn’t been gone all that long but she was making good time for someone so small.  He wished he knew where she was heading; then he could just take a shortcut there.

...actually, where WOULD a scared kid go if she thought everyone was out to get her?

Probably not anywhere in Snowdin, really.  The monsters were friendly, sure, but not overly welcoming to outsiders.  But…

...But the kid had come from the Ruins.  Sans had disabled Alphys’s camera at the entrance to the Ruins years ago to keep his conversations with his joke partner private.  That meant he couldn’t use Papyrus’s computer to hack into the security system and check.

Instead, Sans took a shortcut to his favorite human-watching post - the one by the now-broken branch on the path - and ran the rest of the way to the Ruins.  Sure enough, the kid was almost to the door, shivering and crying.  He snuck through the bushes until he was close enough to hear…

“S-sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so, sorry Mom…”

...what?

The kid crumpled into a ball next to the door.  “I should never have left, Mom.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...and I know you told me never to come back; I do understand, I promise, but...but I don’t think I’m DETERMINED enough to do this just yet.”  She took a deep breath.  “I won’t bother you, I promise;  I won’t even ask to c-come inside, even though it’s c-cold, but...but please?  Won’t you say something?  Mom?  P-please?  I’m scared...I’m scared...I’m scared …”

Sans sighed and left his hiding place under the bush, taking care to make enough noise to be heard.  Sure enough, the kid tensed when she heard him coming.  She tried to dry her tears and the weird gunk dripping from her nose on her sleeve.

“that’s pretty gross, kid.  here.”  He pulled out a crumpled wad of tissue from his pocket and handed it to her.  She obligingly dried herself off on the soft paper and handed it back.

Sans shuddered at the feeling of thin, wet paper between his phalanges.  Ugh...and Papyrus called him slimey…

“Thanks.”  She smiled up at him, and he felt something warm in his soul.  It was like when Papyrus smiled.  He felt himself smiling back - for real, and not just because his mouth was shaped that way.

“eh, no problem kid.  so...i couldn’t help but overhear.  your mom lives in there?”  The only person in the Ruins Sans had ever talked to was the joke lady.  He didn’t know much about her...but she had made him promise to protect any human who got past the door.

“Y-yeah.  Well...she said I could call her Mom.  I didn’t...didn’t even know her that long, but she was...just…so nice .  She showed me all about the Ruins, and she gave me hugs, and she made me p-pie...and she protected m-me…”

The kid started crying again, so Sans gave her back the wet tissue.  She dried herself back off as best she could, then held it out to him.  “um...why don’t you keep it?  seems like you need it more than i do.”

She crumpled it into a ball in her hand.

“and, uh...listen.  i-i’m sorry.  i should’ve remembered that the shed door sticks sometimes.  i didn’t realize you’d be trapped there.”

“But…Papyrus was trying to trap me.  Wasn’t he?”

“well...yeah.  y’see, the thing about papyrus is that he always thinks the best of people.  monsters, humans, fictional characters...he always believes in the good in everyone.  what i’m trying to say is that he didn’t even think that the royal guard, or undyne, or asgore would really hurt you.  it never crossed his mind.”

“What?  Really?”

“i asked him before i came to find you, and apparently he thought asgore would just sit you down and feed you tea.”

The kid giggled.  “Tea?  Why tea?”

“dunno.  guy likes the stuff, i guess.  he feeds it to every monster he comes across.  with cookies, if he’s feeling adventurous.”

“But...not humans?”

“kid...did your, uh, mom tell you anything about us?  about why we’re trapped down here?”

“Not really.  She just said that Asgore would kill me if I left the Ruins.  What does that have to do with the other monsters?”

“just...listen, okay?  sheesh, always thought undyne would give this talk.  she sure practices it enough.  okay.  so, a long time ago, humans and monsters lived on the surface together.  about two hundred years ago, humans and monsters fought each other because both sides were afraid of each other...for various reasons.

“the humans won, and they stuck us down here.  seven powerful humans put up a magic barrier to keep us here, so none of us can leave.

“now, we’ve studied the barrier...like, a lot .  there’s a lot of theories about what could possibly break the barrier, but the one thing we know for sure that would work is the power of seven human souls.”

The kid sniffed, drying her nose on the now-soaked tissue.  “Let me guess: I’m the seventh human.”

“well...eighth, if you want to get technical, but yeah.  king asgore has collected six human souls.”

“Six...so that’s why Mom was so sad.”

“whaddaya mean?”

“She said - right before I left - that she was just trying to keep me safe.  She said that...that she couldn’t even k-keep one child safe.  I...I just left her…”

“hey, hey, kid...look, I don’t know the whole story, but it sounds like you weren’t trying to hurt your mom, right?”

“Right…”

“and if you could, you’d make her happy, right?”

“Right.”

“so chin up, eh?  you came out here for a reason.  i have my suspicions, but you can keep that bit to yourself, okay?  just keep focused, do what you gotta do, and stay determined.  who knows?  maybe you’ll see her again.”

“R-really?”

“sure!  why not?  the underground’s a small place.  i mean, no one enters or leaves the ruins - ever - but you came out of the ruins.  anything’s possible!”

The kid smiled, then laughed.

“h-hey!  i haven’t even started with the jokes!  if i said something pun-intentionally funny, you’ve gotta throw me a bone-”

She did.  Or, rather, she threw her whole skeleton at him.  Sans barely had time to brace himself for the impact.

“Thanks, Sans,” she said.

“no problem…”  He was going to respond with her name, but realized, “hey, i never caught your name.  i, heh, i guess i can’t just keep calling you ‘kid,’ huh?”

She pulled away and leaned back against the door.  “F-frisk.”

“frisk?”

“That’s my name.  Frisk.”

“oh!  hey!  i mean, it’s not freestyle, but it’s a cool name nonetheless.”

“Freestyle?  What does that mean?”

“oh, it’s, uh, it’s a skeleton thing.  we’re named after fonts.  like, computer fonts?  my great-aunt on my mother’s side was named freestyle.  wacky lady.  paps takes after her.”

“That’s...pretty cool, actually.”  She looked like she wanted to say more, but was interrupted by a hiccup and a sneeze in rapid succession.

“heeey...why don’t we get you somewhere warm?”

The kid - Frisk - shivered.  “I...I really, really don’t want to go back into the shed...please?  Please don’t make me go back in there?”

“i won’t, i won’t.  c’mere, kid.  i gotcha.  why don’t i take you back to my place?  paps would be happy to see that you’re safe.  he was almost more scared than i was when you went missing.”

Frisk looked like she wanted to refuse, like she wanted to sit by this door - the last link she had to her ‘Mom’ - until she froze solid.  Sans was preparing to physically drag her away when she stepped forward and buried her face back into his jacket.  Sans pointedly ignored the nose gunk getting onto his hood.  He’d wash it later...or, at least, leave it on the ground someplace where Paps would find it and stick it in the wash.  He wrapped his arms around Frisk’s shoulders - almost as bony as his, he noted with concern - and teleported them straight to his living room.

Almost immediately, Frisk jumped back.  Luckily, she jumped right onto the couch.  “W-what...what?  How?  What was that?”

“just a shortcut.  hey, do you mind spaghetti?”

“Shortcut?  Did we just...just bloop right from the Ruins to...where are we?  Is this...”

“AHA!  WELCOME, HUMAN, TO SCENIC...MY HOUSE!”

“AAAAH!”  Screamed Frisk, not expecting the yelling right in her ear.  Papyrus joined in after a moment, surprised by the sudden screaming.

Sans waited for them to finish.

“so...paps, this is frisk the human.  frisk, you’ve already been introduced to my brother, papyrus the skeleton.”

“IT’S GREAT TO MEET YOU, HUMAN FRISK!  I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU HAD BECOME A SNOW- HU MAN !”

Sans snorted.  Frisk giggled a little.  “I-I’m fine now, Papyrus.  I was just...really, really scared in the shed.”

Papyrus wilted visibly.  “I am sorry, Human Frisk.  I did not intend to distress you.  I also did not intend to assist in the dastardly plan to steal your soul.  I did not realize that such a thing was going to happen.  BUT!  I am sure if you meet the other Royal Guards, and Undyne, and Asgore, that they will all be your friends, too!”

“Are...we friends again, Papyrus?”

“OF C...oh.”

Sans watched his brother.  He wasn’t sure what had happened - Papyrus was quick to declare friendship with anyone and everyone - so his hesitation was worrying.

Frisk sniffed.  “Because you said we c-couldn’t be friends, since I’m human…”

Papyrus stood up tall, straightened his shoulders, and dragged Frisk into a hug.  Her feet dangled.  “Human Frisk...I am sorry.  It is not often that the Great Papyrus is wrong, but it was very wrong of me to say that I could not be friends with you.  It will be a challenge, but no challenge is too GREAT or too small for me!  Will... can you forgive me?”

Frisk wrapped both arms around Papyrus’s shoulders and both legs around his spine.  “I...I forgive you, Papyrus.  Thanks for being my friend.”

“NYEH-HEH-HEH!  SANS, DID YOU HEAR!  I MADE MY FIRST HUMAN FRIEND!”

“pretty cool, paps.”

“WE NEED TO FIND YOU A HUMAN FRIEND AS WELL!”

“nah, that’s…”

Frisk pulled herself up and smiled at Sans over Papyrus’s shoulder.  “It’s okay, I’m friends with Sans too.  He’s...he helped me out a lot.”

“YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH BOTH OF US???  THAT’S AMAZING!!  THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION!”

“papyrus, no…”

“PAPYRUS, YES!   SPAGHETTI TIME!”

Papyrus tossed Frisk back onto the couch and heaved Sans up beside her.  Sans watched his brother disappear into the kitchen, eye sockets narrowed in dread.  “kid...i’m so sorry.  if things get bad, i’ll hold him off and you can make a break for waterfall.”

Frisk giggled into her sleeves.

“oh, you think i’m kidding, do ya?”  He wiggled his fingers in the direction of her stomach, which only made her laugh harder.

She wasn’t laughing when Papyrus called them to the table, bedecked with plates of soggy noodles and pungent sauce.  “HUMAN!  BROTHER!  BEHOLD MY BEST SPAGHETTI YET!”

“g-great job, bro.”  Sans was grateful that his biology lacked taste buds.  Was that...glitter on top?

The kid - to her credit - didn’t react to the spaghetti.  At all.  Her eyes were forced into thin slits and her mouth was drawn in a neutral line.  She looked...DETERMINED.

With the air of one about to engage in battle, Frisk grabbed her fork, twirled a few noodles around it, and stabbed a meatball.  Her mouth opened wider than Sans thought possible and the food disappeared into it.  The fork dropped to the table a moment later.

Papyrus and Sans both watched with bated breath, for very different reasons.

sorry, lady, i think i got your kid poisoned by poorly cooked pasta...

She swallowed.  She breathed out, hard, through her nose.  Then...she beamed at Papyrus, giving him two thumbs up.

“SANS!  SANS!  THE HUMAN LIKES MY SPAGHETTI!”

The kid had tears in the corners of her eyes.

“yeah!  great job, paps!”

Sans polished off his plate, shooting worried glances at Frisk periodically.  She wolfed down her food faster than anyone he’d ever seen who wasn’t actually a wolf, but she seemed...surprisingly okay.  It was a little terrifying.

There were, it seemed, no limits to a human’s DETERMINATION.

That was good.  She’d need it.  Not everyone was as nice as Papyrus...

[easytravelpw-blog]

Full text write on https://easy-travel.pw/5-of-the-prettiest-tiny-villages-to-visit-in-england/europe/

5 of the Prettiest Tiny Villages to Visit in England

01 of 06

Picturesque, Historic and Nostalgic: The Pretty Villages of England

James Osmond/Getty Images

The back roads, byways and country lanes of England are still dotted with pretty tiny villages full of storybook charm. But except in places like Suffolk, where picturesque villages are rather thick on the ground, you generally won't find them “on the way” to somewhere else. The fact that they have stayed off the beaten path is what keeps them small and interesting, and preserves their ancient yet timeless character.

If you are planning an itinerary that will include a few pretty little villages with stops at village tea shops and pubs (and perhaps even an overnight stay at a pub) you need to plan your travels with a good map or road atlas. Your sat-nav or GPS device may be great at going directly from one destination to another, but the routes it suggests usually bypass all the good stuff. Instead, be willing to get off the main routes and travel the back roads. Ask at local tourist information centers and whenever you are given a choice of routes, choose the scenic ones. 

Don't expect to rush from one exquisitely photogenic village to another. English back roads are slow. Slow down with them and enjoy exploring at a gentler pace. And whatever you do if you are talking to the locals, don't eve refer to these small towns and villages as quaint. Local people find that word incredibly patronizing and nothing irritates them more.

Here are some of the most interesting tiny villages we've explored recently.

Continue to 2 of 6 below.

02 of 06

Clovelly, Devon

Lyndsey Williams / EyeEm/Getty Images

Clovelly's 83 pastel and white-washed cottages tumble 400 feet down a steep ravine to the sea on the North Devon coast. This privately-owned village of 300 people, was once a busy fishing port. The donkeys that today provide rides for children up and down its one cobbled street were once used to ferry boxes of herring from the little fishing harbor to the top of the town. Today only a few fishing boats still harvest a catch in the local waters.

The town is recorded in the Domesday Book and at the time of William the Conqueror it was owned by the king. For the past 800 years, it has been held by just three families; most recently the Hamlyn family, who have owned Clovelly and surrounding lands since 1738.

The village has one cobbled, pedestrian street which winds its way down to the working port at an angle of 20º. The best way to visit is to see the short film in the Visitor Center at the top of the hill and then stroll down to the harbor, stopping for tea or a bite to eat in the village inn or tea rooms. House numbering is quirky so if you are looking for a specific address it's a good idea to know that going down hill, on “Down along”—the cobbled street, numbers on the left side ascend and on the right side (called “Up along” but in actual fact the same street) descend. So the first house at the top of the street on the left has the lowest number and on the right the highest number.

A Car Free Village

Clovelly is a real village where real people live, but because of its fragile position on the side of a cliff and its limited vehicle access, entrance is only permitted between 9 a.m. and 6:30 p.m., and then only on foot. An admission is charged to help pay for village upkeep. One Land Rover is kept at the bottom, near the harbor, so that people who have walked down but don't fancy the trek back up can book a ride to the parking at the top. Between Easter and October, disabled visitors can book the Land Rover at Visitor Center Reception to take them both up and down.

Things to Do

Just exploring this pretty village—the Britain in Bloom winner for the Southwest in 2017—makes a great, leisurely day out. It is 10 miles west of Bideford off the A39. But there is also plenty to do:

Two museums are included in the village admission charge. The Kingsley Museum commemorates the life and work of Victorian writer Charles Kingsley, author of “The Water Babies” and “Westward Ho”. The Fisherman's Cottage is the place to see how fishing families lived in the 1930s when Clovelly was still an important Devon fishing port.

Craft workshops near the Visitor Center include a silk workshop and a pottery workshop where you can learn about local crafts, get hands on experience and buy artisan textiles and ceramics

Shopping A small number of interesting craft and gift shops can be found on the cobbled street and on paths leading off it. About midway down, an art gallery sells work by local artists

Harbor Activities Boats can be chartered for diving, angling and day trips. For a small fee, visitors can also try night fishing from Clovelly's ancient harbor wall.

Movie Tourism – Clovelly harbor was the stand-in for Guernsey in the film adaptation of the New York Times Best Seller,  The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, due for release in May, 2017.

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03 of 06

Lacock Village, Wiltshire

Robin Bush/Getty Images

If the Wiltshire village of Lacock looks familiar, that's because you've probably seen it before in films or on television. In recent times, this traditional English village of timber-framed, and golden Cotswold stone houses has appeared in Downton Abbey, the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice and Cranford; in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone; and in the film Wolfman. Lacock Abbey also featured in The Other Boleyn Girl and its cloisters were used for Hogwarts classrooms.

All of this, plus the fact that the National Trust looks after Lacock, makes it easy to forget that this is another one of those impossibly pretty, tiny English villages where people—a population of about 1,100—actually live and work. 

Visiting Lacock

The village is about three miles from Chippenham, signposted from the A350. Although there is no visitor parking within the village, you can drive through it and there is pay and display visitor parking about 220 yards from the village. If you are touring the Cotswolds or planning a  visit to the UNESCO World Heritage Sites of Bath, Avebury and Stonehenge, a visit to Lacock will fit right in.

Things to Do

The village itself is wonderful to walk through. It's atmospheric and photogenic and there are several tea rooms, a hotel with a pub, and local shops worth exploring. All of that, save the small pay and display parking fee (free for members of the National Trust), is free. An admission fee covers entry to the nearly 800-year old Abbey and grounds—not a religious establishment but a home since the 1540s—and to the Fox Talbot Museum in the 16th century Tithe Barn. Of the original abbey, the medieval cloisters, a sacristy and chapter house remain. 

William Fox Talbot, who inherited Lacock Abbey, was pioneer in the early days of photography. He perfected the technique of preserving negative images so that photographs could be duplicated by being printed and fixed on photographic paper. The museum created in his home and in his honor features permanent and temporary exhibitions of early as well as modern photography.

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04 of 06

Shaftsbury, Dorset

larigan – Patricia Hamilton/Getty Images

In 1973, film director Ridley Scott made a television and film advertisement for Hovis, a popular British brand of wholemeal bread. It featured Gold Hill, the steep central street of Shaftsbury in Dorset and its image of a boy on a bike delivering bread to a traditional English village has been an icon of nostalgia ever since. In fact, the British public voted it the 1973 film its favorite ad.

Shaftsbury, a small market town, was founded about 1,000 years ago by King Alfred the Great, the most English of English kings, credited with actually creating England from a group of disparate Anglo Saxon, Celtic and Danish kingdoms. It is one of the oldest, and highest towns in England, with views that stretch across the area of Dorset author Thomas Hardy called Blackmore Vale. Hardy included descriptions of Shaftsbury in his “Wessex” novels, as the fictional town of  “Shaston.”

The town is considered a gateway to the southwest and it fits easily into an itinerary that includes Stonehenge, Bath, Bristol and the Jurassic Coast. It's about 22 miles west of Salisbury on the A30.

Things to Do

Walks: The open, hilly countryside around Shaftsbury is prime hill walking territory. But do keep in mind, these hills, that look gentle and rolling are actually high and long. After a weekend in the area, even our dog had muscles too sore for climbing steps. Bring a walking stick.

The Gold Hill Museum: This modern museum charts the course of local history from before Alfred the Great to the present day. Located at the top of Gold Hill, it occupies two ancient houses, one of them an old priests house with a peep hole into the church.

Shaftsbury Abbey Museum and Garden: The modern museum sits in a medieval herb garden and orchard, beside the ruins of a once magnificent Benedictine Abbey founded in 888 by King Alfred the Great. The museum relates the story of the Abbey, an Anglo Saxon nunnery, that flourished for 650 years before being destroyed by Henry VIII.

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05 of 06

Kersey, Suffolk

Alan Copson / Getty Images

The tiny Suffolk village of Kersey is little more than a crossroads and a few side streets, but with its thatch-roofed, pink-washed timber-framed houses, some dating from as early as the 13th century, this village of 350 is a magic place to stop. Go for lunch in the 14th century village pub, the Bell Inn, built in 1378,  and have a walk round after. It was once named one of the top 10 villages in Britain.

Kersey was one of the early Suffolk wool towns that were among England's richest in the middle ages until cheaper, lighter fabric from the Netherlands wiped out their industry. Kersey was, in fact, a kind of woolen cloth but there is little evidence that it was made in this little town.

The main street of the village crosses a ford (so you actually drive through a bit of river) beside a building that was once an old textile mill. There are a handful of pretty, thatched, self-catering cottages to stay in and the hill that climbs up to the village church offers wonderful views of the entire village.

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06 of 06

Chiddingstone, Kent

VisitBritain/Adam Swaine / Getty Images

 All sorts of legends swirl around the “chiding stone”, a massive sandstone boulder that guards the entrance of Chiddingstone, Kent and, some say, gives the village its name. 

The National Trust, who own and manage the village, list a handful of rumors without verifying any of them:

The stone was an ancient druid altar where judgments were pronounced. 

Ancient Britons conducted trials at the stone.

This impressive, prehistoric formation was used as a Saxon boundary marker.

Nagging wives and witches were punished, or “chided”, by villagers in Medieval times.

Walkers hiking in the Kent Weald often come across this natural pulpit, and it inevitably draws them to the village itself. It's not only the oldest and prettiest in Kent but, according the the Trust, it's also the most accurate surviving Tudor village in the whole country.

Most of the timber-framed or brick buildings in the village are more than 200 years old and many are considerably older. The building that's now the post office is mentioned in local histories as early as 1453. The castle, used by the military in World War II, dates from the early 1500s. And the village itself, mentioned in the Domesday Book, was given to William the Conqueror's brother, Bishop Odo, in 1072.

Today the village consists of one narrow street with cobbled sidewalks, several independent businesses along the high street, a church, a tea room, several residences, a castle and an independent pub and restaurant, the Castle Inn, that dates from 1420. 

If you are a fan of real ale, you should stop at the pub to sample Larkins, beers and ales made right around the corner—some with locally grown Kentish hops—about as local as it gets.

And, naturally, as with so many National Trust sites, Chiddinstone has a long list of cinema credits including A Room With a View, The Wicked Lady and The Wind in the Willows.

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I’m bored, so why not?

200: My crush’s name is: My girlfriend’s name 199: I was born in: Irvine, CA 198: I am really: empathetic 197: My cellphone company is: Verizon 196: My eye color is: Green 195: My shoe size is: 9? 194: My ring size is: Hell if I know 193: My height is: 5′9 192: I am allergic to: Nuts, cats 191: My 1st car was: Nissan Altima 190: My 1st job was: Blaze Pizza 189: Last book you read: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz 188: My bed is: Super comfy 187: My pet: I have two betta fish 186: My best friend: My girlfriend and my other best friend 185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever gets the job done 184: Xbox or ps3: Gameboy 183: Piggy banks are: Somewhat useful 182: In my pockets: I carry everything I own, when I’m wearing my EMT pants, which have 9 pockets! 181: On my calendar: Is all my homework 180: Marriage is: Cool if you find the right person and have realistic expectations 179: Spongebob can: Disappear 178: My mom: The reason I have PTSD 177: The last three songs I bought were? Ricochet, Dark on Me, Air Force Song 176: Last YouTube video watched: Marijuana by John Oliver 175: How many cousins do you have? Hell if I know 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, one step sister and two younger siblings 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes 171: Do you play an instrument? Yes, guitar 170: What did you do yesterday? I took a trip to the city to buy a new uniform [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: No, but I believe that your souls can recognize each other on first sight, which is a breeding ground for love 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Somewhat 166: Yourself: Hell yeah, even when no one else does 165: Aliens: It’s possible with the size of our universe 164: Heaven: I believe we go some place nice when we die, but I don’t believe it is segregated into heaven and hell; we all deserve to find peace if we did good things in life 163: Hell: I don’t believe in hell either, but I believe there will be some type of temporary punishment for genuinely bad people; I have no power to tell who a bad person is though 162: God: No, we have morality born inside us and the power to do amazing things; we don’t need a God for that 161: Horoscopes: No 160: Soul mates: Yes; I believe that souls can know one another and be meant for each other 159: Ghosts: Maybe? 158: Gay Marriage: Fuck yeah 157: War: It is useless and a waste of life and resources 156: Orbs: No 155: Magic: I wish I could [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High 152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: No preference 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor, like I am already 137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: No preference 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: No preference 131: Small town or Big city: Small town  130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Neither, bring me fucking normal food and I’ll be happy 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: No preference [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: It is ridiculous that we kill to make peace 121: George Bush: Dumbass but better than our current president 120: Gay Marriage: It should be no different than other types of marraige 119: The presidential election: *Drinks an entire bottle of whiskey before I’m able to answer this question*  118: Abortion: It is a woman’s right to decide her future, including whether or not she will have a child 117: MySpace: Forgot it existed 116: Reality TV: Idiotic and slightly entertaining 115: Parents: I have mixed feelings on this one because my parents are polar opposites 114: Back stabbers: Petty 113: Ebay: A more expensive and competitive version of Amazon 112: Facebook: The thing that everyone has and no one really wanted in the first place, but its there anyways 111: Work: Can be nice if you do something productive and that you are passionate about 110: My Neighbors: I never really see them 109: Gas Prices: WAY too high 108: Designer Clothes: Too expensive but I can appreciate that they look good sometimes 107: College: The most expensive thing on this list; Great concept; Shitty exectution 106: Sports: Receives way too much of my college tuition 105: My family: Most of them are great people 104: The future: Hoping for the best, preparing for anything, loving every minute of it [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: A few minutes ago 102: Last time you ate: A few hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A few days ago 100: Cried in front of someone: A few weeks ago 99: Went to a movie theater: Last Tuesday to see PowerRangers 98: Took a vacation: November 2016, Pennslyvania 97: Swam in a pool: A month ago 96: Changed a diaper: October, 2016 95: Got my nails done: Two years ago? 94: Went to a wedding: 2012 93: Broke a bone: Collarbone(2005); Finger(2016) 92: Got a peircing: Never 91: Broke the law: Never 90: Texted: A few minutes ago [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My girlfriend 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dogs 87: The last movie I saw: Power Rangers 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Having a cool job and helping people 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Paying more bills 84: People call me: Pretzel 83: The most difficult thing to do is: Feel what someone else is feeling and love them all the same  82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope 81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo 80: The first person i talked to today was: My best friend 79: First time you had a crush: In the 4th grade, I had a crush on my childhood best friend 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: My girlfriend 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: A few minutes ago 76: Right now I am talking to: No one 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Work for the EPA (if it still exists by the time I graduate college) 74: I have/will get a job: In environmental sustainability or healthcare 73: Tomorrow: I have class 72: Today: I had class 71: Next Summer: I will still have fucking class 70: Next Weekend: Is Easter...and I’m doing nothing for it 69: I have these pets: 2 Boston terriers; 1 Betta Fish 68: The worst sound in the world: High pitched drilling 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My mom 66: People that make you happy: I have already listed them many times 65: Last time I cried: Last night 64: My friends are: The best 63: My computer is: One of my friends 62: My School: Somewhere in Utah 61: My Car: A crappy 90′s car that still works better than the American government right now 60: I lose all respect for people who: Lie 59: The movie I cried at was: I can’t remember 58: Your hair color is: Brown 57: TV shows you watch: Parks and Rec 56: Favorite web site: No preference 55: Your dream vacation: Anywhere were there is not a lot of people, a cool culture to explore, and good food 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: When my spleen exploded 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium 52: My room is: Clean? 51: My favorite celebrity is: Emma Watson 50: Where would you like to be: In someone’s arms 49: Do you want children: Yeah, eventually 48: Ever been in love: Of course 47: Who’s your best friend: I feel like I already answered this question 46: More guy friends or girl friends: Guy friends 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Love 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Sort of 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope 41: Have you pre-named your children: No... 40: Last person I got mad at: My mom 39: I would like to move to: Washington 38: I wish I was a professional: Doctor [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Pixie Stix 36: Vehicle: Audi 35: President: Obama 34: State visited: Utah 33: Cellphone provider: Verizon 32: Athlete: No preference 31: Actor: Tom Hiddlestone 30: Actress: Aubrey Plaza 29: Singer: Pentatonix 28: Band: Too many to pick one 27: Clothing store: Banana Republic 26: Grocery store: Smiths 25: TV show: Parks and Rec 24: Movie: Krampus 23: Website: Netflix 22: Animal: Dogs, dolphins 21: Theme park: Seaworld 20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Volleyball 18: Sport to play: Rock climbing 17: Magazine: I don’t read magazines 16: Book: All Quiet on the Western Front, The Bell Jar; I love books, so this is a difficult one to pick a favorite in 15: Day of the week: Not Monday 14: Beach: Black sand beach in Costa Rica 13: Concert attended: Black Label Society 12: Thing to cook: Vegetable Dishes with Pasta or Rice 11: Food: Ramen 10: Restaurant: Any place that serves amazing ramen 9: Radio station: 91.X 8: Yankee candle scent: Apple Pie 7: Perfume: None, I fucking hate perfume 6: Flower: Sunflower 5: Color: Indigo 4: Talk show host: John Oliver 3: Comedian: Trevor Noah 2: Dog breed: Boston Terrier 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes, I wouldn’t go through all this trouble just to lie