#Korn ff

[caroljoky]

The making of Daddy, crying on the floor, and running away

Jonathan Davis x reader (gender not specified!)

And a lot of Fluff!! I worked really hard on thisss. Based on an interesting interview I saw with John explaining the process of creating Daddy, it made me tear up and decide to write this.

No warnings, surprisingly.

The last few months on tour with the infamous band Korn seemed like a fever dream. In your head, the lines between being accepted into the band, going on tour, coming back, suddenly starting to compose are blurred... All under the pressure of the public, the team of producers, managers, and finally yourself. You weren't popular at all, that's the point. You only had a demo on the record, in fact it was quite poor and fragile, it was supposed to be just a prologue to the great success of Korn. When “Neidermayer's Mind” was recorded, no one had any idea that in exactly a year you would release your debut album, the one that every great band has, the self-titled album. The pressure was automatically built around it. So here you were in a sweaty studio at 2 a.m., with the tape relentlessly running, refusing to stop, your head aching, your eyes squinting. Your fingers and strings became one, the headphones merged with your ears, and the piercing eyes of Ross Robinson (Yeah, that Ross, Ross the father of nu-metal) stuck into you like needles or sometimes even nails. He always sat there behind a glass window with his entire altar, with his cavalry of producers, and it seemed that all he needed was a whip to beat the ass of anyone who forced him to use the cursed words: Start over, this sucks. However, it wasn't self-pity when you felt sorry for those sleepless nights spent polishing the diamond, the self-titled album. The album, which should actually be called Jonathan Davis, like its writer, who was the one you felt sorry for.

That night, as usual, he was screaming his lungs out. It was one of those long ones when you met in the studio for 'official recordings'. But this night was haunted. Terrible. The worst you could remember. John was always non-obvious, from the moment you met him you were united by inhuman sensitivity and pain... Pain that was omnipresent in your lives. But you never looked at it that way, unlike him. John was a tormented soul, a broken soul, worthy of the greatest pity, a pity he despised. Whenever someone wanted to comfort him, he left, 'ran away'. The only thing he didn’t run from..was music. Was the studio. Here he let it all out. You didn't know if it was good or bad, if this was the right way to process trauma, but what could you do if it wasn't?

You were surprised when Head came to you one afternoon and showed you a crumpled piece of paper from John’s notebook with the words 'Daddy' almost engraved on it. You hated this song from start. Everything he was running away from, everything he never wanted to share with you was there. And he was going to sing it in clubs and bars. No, that wasn't the right way. But still, here you are, repeating a faint bass line, with everyone playing quietly, after all, it is the singer's story that plays the only role here.

You didn't repeat the song as many times as the others, it was your only triumph over Ross, he was too disgusted to make you overdub. You did it all in one terribly long, terribly awful take.

John was terrifyingly calm. As if unavailable. You didn't ask him about the song. You didn't even try. I guess you were more afraid of it than he was... The words came to him naturally, he didn't even hold the paper. And yet he never repeated the song. You had chills for the entire 8 minutes. Sometimes you thought you were too fragile for this band, even though John was as fragile as you. However, he affirmed it as if it was the essence or soul of the band. He affirmed this pain... You could feel it in his voice. You didn’t understand it. You were lost even thinking about it. But you preffered to do that than listen to his shaky, anxious voice. 6 minutes have passed, you thought it was over. You breathed a sigh of relief, you wanted to take the bass off. However, Ross' calm hand stopped you in your tracks with a gesture. It's not over yet... Jonathan fell to his knees. You didn't play anything anymore. Now there was only his voice, his pain and your fear. You stared at him, searching for his eyes. They hid behind the jungle of long dreadlocks, his head lowered, the microphone touching his dry lips. He started crying. For the first time, he really cried. You look at the others, finally at Ross. He makes this disgusting gesture. He twirls his finger around. You have to keep playing. He doesn’t want you to repeat it. He wants to get this over with. Fuck you Ross, we'll waste one tape. You take off the bass, open the glass door, John lying on the ground, the microphone is still touching his lips. Your tears fall to the ground, merging with his. You hug him. Just like that. For the first time, sincerely. You still can't see his eyes, but you don't want to. You've seen everything you needed to. 'Don't you run away from me ever again, okay?' you managed to whisper before the others entered. He hugged you back, so you knew he agreed. Then the rest joined in. Everyone was crying. Ross was sitting behind the window, probably not gesturing to us anything anymore.

Just like that, he stopped the tape. The album was finished.

[murfpersonalblog]

🥳🎉🎊🎆🎇✨🧨🎈🤩🥰😤👏

I am geeking out with my bff as I type this--THE HYPE IS REAL. 😭

Ghost!Claudia come throooooouuuuuugh~! 😈

I hope the "haunting of Claudia" effs Lestat up more than Dream!Stat did to Louis--I hope Claudia looms over his shoulder shading him for every lyric, every note, every stage light, every costume, every stray hair out of place. I hope she's the biggest heckler at all of his concerts. I hope while everyone else is throwing panties at Lestat on stage, she's busy throwing rotten tomatoes. I hope she effs with his makeup and hair curlers right before his press junkets. I want her to be an even worse poltergeist than Goblin was in Blackwood Farm.

I demand JUSTICE FOR CLAUDIA, AMC! 😤

PLEASE get the rights to QotD's OST so we can get reprisals of all those epic bangers by Korn. 🙏

FAAAACTS 🎶

The squad's all here, but whose name are y'all keeping from us? BRUCE/KILLER. 👀

(Who tf is Sam? Not Vampire Sam from the Theatre!? 😰)

Dr. Fareed's coming back--awwww yeah; hopefully we also get Seth and Gregory Cullingsworth.

We'll finally see MARIUS!!!

And omg Gabrielle--we been knew y'all were saving her for later.

I'm so happy Sam's excited for us to see Gabrielle & Louis interact. God, it's gonna be so good.

Sleep with one eye open, a-hole! 🤬

"Rabid, beautifully unwell fandom" -- RJ, we're inside your walls! 😎

You're gosh darned right--now PROMOTE THIS SHOW PROPERLY, FFS, so we don't have to sit here having aneurysms all effing year wondering wtf AMC is doing fumbling the best show on tv!

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

Episode 7 Gun Scene AKA Give Kinn a (little) Break Please

I've seen lots of meta on the bathroom scene but not much on the precursor.

At the end of 6/6.5 they've cleared the air, established that they're still attracted to one another and that there are Emotions All Up In This Bitch. Kinn having gotten shot puts things on hold. You don't want to try to start a relationship while one of you is recuperating from blood loss etc. So we get some plot for a while, and shenanigans from Vegas and emotional abuse from Korn and pep talks from friends, and then we get the gun scene.

First of all, that hanging-up fake-out was cute AF. Second, Kinn sneaking into the minor house to see him was arguably dumb when there's a whole thing going on tomorrow. Totally worth it, though.

I don't think it's escaped Porsche at this point that Kinn doesn't generally attach value to objects. He's been around the house for a while now, would have noticed that compared to the rest of the family, Kinn's rooms are almost empty of personal touches. (See also, Life in Korn's Panopticon.)

[Aside: Being completely uninterested in objects is one way to perform being Rich as Fuck; you can always buy another one of whatever it is so who cares. I find it interesting how the things he does have tend to underline Kinn's physicality; he's all about the scents and textures, and that's a trait maintained during the sex scenes. An interesting choice in a purely visual medium. Later on, when they're dating, it's about experiences, not things. It seems like that's how it was with Tawan, too, so that's a core characteristic for Kinn.]

Back to loaning Porsche the gun. This gesture is deeply unusual, lets Kinn remind him that he cares without getting all mushy about it (got to keep his head in the game here). Porsche has that shy look.

[Aside: LITERALLY NO ONE in however many years he spent street fighting has ever told Porsche to come back safe. Chay loves him, but Chay needs him in a way that means even if he said the words, it couldn't be just on account of Porsche's value as a person.]

Kinn takes a visible breath before this next bit, takes the plunge and makes the conversation about sex. Bearing in mind that Kinn's usual mode since Tawan has been ordering off the escort menu, this has a fascinating-to-me mix of delicacy (yes! I mean it!) and directness.

First there's the conversational placement; it comes after the concern for Porsche's safety. Second, it's a blunt but not serious way to broach the subject. There's loads of physical space here, and they're alone; Porsche can back away or laugh it off if he's uncomfortable. He doesn't do either one; he keeps it playful, but his body language is let us say "engaged." That tongue motion, FFS. Wave good-bye to Porsche's heterosexuality as it disappears over the horizon. He isn't nervous about the idea or still angry about last time, is 100% DTF after the mission is over. They're close enough to kiss, not going for it, but you can feel the anticipation.

Porsche did ask for some words of encouragement. Be careful tomorrow, come back, and then we're going to do this right (and have a really good time) is pretty encouraging. Kinn's expression gets serious again; they both just melt into the softest of soft looks, forehead touch is my forever weakness. Because this is not just about sex. This is them about to embark on a relationship.

Which they manage to do after a Vegas-induced hiccup that lasts all of a minute and a half.

I think all of that setup explains a lot of Kinn's initial reaction in the bathroom scene; the fact that it was Vegas of all people explains the rest. As far as Kinn can tell in those first few seconds, he let down his guard and just got knifed in the gut for it, and he's got an emotional whipsaw going through the whole scene as he realizes that he jumped to the wrong conclusion. Also explains the rapid shift into sexytimes. It's not just that Kinn prefers actions to words, although he definitely does that; bro has literally been thinking about doing this all damn day. I hope he didn't have to try to focus on any work.

Final note - I'm not sure Kinn actually does have as much of a possessive streak as seems to be a common interpretation? He doesn't act like that about anybody else we see. His jealous streak is mostly focused on Vegas, and that's had a lifetime to accumulate. He has a competitive streak a mile wide (thank you Korn, now there's a man who treats people like possessions), and that does show up consistently with other people.

[i-sveikata]

Hello, I just wanted to write that I re-read the last chapter again (I can’t stop) Your fanfic is what kept my mental health going (it was a really hard year) over the past year and I’m grateful for that 🥰But I was so immersed in this story, on  at the moment this is the only ff that I read on this fandom, and it should already be so (for more than a year now, it’s incredible)😊I like that the characters are so alive, the feelings are so vivid, and they are so intertwined with depth and important themes and also  with sex (Vegas's pov still haunts me, I'm really looking forward to reading some kind of sexual experience from his point of view, because he's just so bad for it, AND VERY HOT), but we know that he hides his  real emotions 👀I’m looking forward to how events will develop further, you are so talented 💘It’s so incredible that you can write such a beautiful, emotional story for FREE that will find such a response in many, I’ve been here for a year now and I’ll wait as long as you want to  enjoy this work and read how these two live their happy twisted life (and this is just my wish...in my head it’s a canon that they killed Korn, ehhh dreams)😈At the end I want to wish you health and send hugs 🫂 And if possible,  can I have a little spoiler about “Vegas will do something stupid, and Pete will do something even worse” I’m so interested 😭😭😭 But if not, then I’m okay with it and ready to wait further 💜 P.S. I’m not a native English speaker, I hope everyone is here  It's clear

oh hello there!!! oh my gosh that honestly means so much to hear that and im so happy it could offer something meaningful during the past year though i do hope this year treats you better!!

ahhhhhhh thank you so much!!! im so glad you think i brought it to life that way!! oh wow yes his pov is very much diving under the surface of what Pete has been interpreting this entire time. wow yes and if there is a sex scene in his pov you can bet its going to be deeply obsessed and unsettling whilst we hear how he experiences that from his pov and how it all makes him feel. like dude high key wants to climb inside petes body and live there permanently there will be no normal internal thoughts whilst theyre having sex haha.

youre so right he does hide way too much!!! and were going to be seeing a lot of that the more we have his POV. ah thank you thank you!! its honestly been so amazing that its resonated with people this much and the experience has been so rewarding!! ah thank you youre too sweet!

omg yeah they should murder korn what an idea. thank you!!! sending you good health and hugs too!!!

oh sure!! well basically its going to revolve around pete finally deciding that he wants to bottom but when he tries to bring that up in his usual halting, beating around the bush kind of way vegas just ends up putting his mouth in it. but like in the most extreme, worst way possible. badly enough that pete makes his own petty, spiteful plan instead and decides to go elsewhere, knowing that it will set vegas off in the worst way but hes angry enough to try and rub that in vegas' face.

except- well it backfires and then the both of them are really into it and they both end up getting exactly what they wanted in the end anyway.

hope thats enough of a spoiler hint!

your english is great!!! and its very clear and easy to understand!! honestly so impressed with people who know more than one language and who talk to people in that other language!! like ur brain???? its so powerful!!!

hope you have a nice night!!

[itsmelb]

Hi guys maybe u could help me find this one Kimchay ff I lost...pls do the Tumblr magic 🙏:

Kim is a thiev he has to flee after a robbery and he meets this 'stranger' Chay who takes him on a road trip to Paris? And in the end it's like Kim has a memory loss and he and Chay were together and it's all Korns doing (obv) and Kinn and Porsche help to bring Korn down..

Does that say sth to u pls help me 😭

[lilitblaukatz]

Two times Kim wears the King Of The Night diamond necklace.

a hc-ff piece

At first it was like that: Kim and Chay visited Tankhun and he had an idea to add smth to the new WIK image (WIK is touring and doing royal self-promotion, so he needs one). Since Korn is dead (for good, don't ask it's a long story), Tankhun claimed "King of the night" for himself (nobody needed it anyway, not even Korn, he made Kinn do it for the show, which Vegas resented). But he will give anything to troll his fave Nong.

So Kim is in his "Bad boy from Grease" clothes, but Khun demanded the shirt off because those diamonds should be worn on skin, thus Kim is in his pants and the King of the Night and that's all. He tried to put his jacket back on but unsuccessfully. Khun Noo is pleased, even though Kim refused to catwalk, and Chay is cackling on the outside over Kim's facial expressions of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance; and dying on the inside over Kim's everything else.

Fast forward to the end of story, a bit past the happy end.

Kim wears it to an event. Maybe with this (honestly I haven't decided yet but see under the cut)

He also will need earrings to go with the King.

Those ones for example (about $9mil or smth, yes it's much more expensive than $4mil necklace but to hell with that)

He plays some music, breaks some hearts, and then goes home with Chay.

A little fantasy on this one:

To enjoy the soundtrack properly

[dabisbratz]

abt me!

sonny, 19, black, aquarius !

likez: nijisanji (oshis: luca kaneshiro, kyo kaneko), cats, sweets, rain, horror/slasher films, dbd, resident evil, COD, silent hill, villains, art, music, purple, sleeping, ice skating, creepypastas, fnaf, analog horror, lip gloss, dolls, teddybears, winter, piercings (6 n counting!), tattoos !

dislikez: people who can’t apply common sense, pickles, fish, summer heat

hobbiez: writing, painting/drawing, singing, daydreaming, editing, gaming (animal crossing, ts4, minecraft, street fighter, mortal kombat, re, ff, twd, kingdom hearts, etc)

fav artistz: the neighborhood, sza, ice spice, BIMBOS, tyler the creator, frank ocean, crystal castles, lana del rey, TV girl, the weeknd, deftones, i monster, megan thee stallion, steve lacey, childish gambino, sonder, aaliyah, korn, doja cat, rihanna, playboi carti, fka twigs, partynextdoor, brockhampton, melanie matrinez, pinkpantheress, beabadoobee, kehlani, lil peep, jazmin bean, the marias, brent faiyaz, nicki minaj, mitski, flo milli, babymetal, nicole dollanganger + more!

lomlz: dabi, tomura shigaraki, satoru gojo, shouta aizawa, katsuki bakugo, hitoshi shinso, eren jeager, konig, simon riley, sephiroth, nanami kento, leon, noctis, reno, luca kaneshiro, suguru geto, uta, rintaro suna, aki hayakawa, vash, nicholas wolfwood, toji fushiguro, draken, genos, light yagami, bucky barnes, steve rogers, isaac foster, jtk, zoro, jake sully, cloud strife, uzui tengen, choso, yuuki anzai + more!

i often use nicknames on other people, if it makes you uncomfortable please let me know!

best way to contact me is through asks n DMS, but i’m a shy person so it might take a while for me to respond to dms! not ignoring you, i promise!

[thebirkenstocksocialist]

Hi dear,

I dont't know if you remember me but you said i could send you asks about uwma and so here i am to ask you if you've recovered from deanpharm because i haven't 🥲 their story is so sweet but because its entwined with kornin it leaves me feeling sad as well <\3 how do i get over the sad feelings

Hello darling, of course I do! I am so glad you wrote. Let me see if my perspective can help you, I hope it will. I tend to be verbose, so bear with me. I have watched Until We Meet Again twice now, and I'm guessing I'll rewatch again. For me, I find the story healing.

So much queer media, historically, has been about reliving queer trauma (now I know that BL are arguably not queer media as they are intended for a female audience but we all know that queer viewership, and creation, is huge and growing. But I digress). Anyway...the sort of "trauma porn" of queer trauma has been heavy on so many of our hearts for so long. So many of us have just wanted queer joy, queer love, queer happiness. I think that's part of the queer attraction to BL in general. And, this is definitely true for me. Witnessing queer joy is fun and healing and so many BL are focused on that (I don't watched the ones that are sad/tragic).

Now, for me, I was hesitant to watch UWMA because of the trauma and my own personal trauma around suicide, specifically. I chose to watch it first, because of the hype around Between Us, and second because I could go in, right away, knowing that Korn and In died by suicide.

What I found as I watched the show was surprisingly healing for me, so perhaps my perspective can help. I sort of watch the show and think of it as an allegory for queer history, and change that has happened over time. And perhaps that is how the story is intended? Within the romance, Dean and Pharm have the opportunity to fall in love, live their relationship out loud, experience broad support and acceptance, and work through their (still valid) fears about homophobia. They are also working through this on behalf of Korn and In.

What it feels like, for me, is Dean and Pharm truly honoring the past. Honoring the work, love, and often suffering or even death of their queer elders. The folks to came before them, and didn't get to live in the world they live in. Their queer elders are literally a part of them, but aren't all of our queer elders now, a part of us too?

For me, watching Dean and Pharm love each other, end up together, be loved and supported by not only their peers, but their families as well, and to also find love, connection, and forgiveness with the elder generations (Korn's father, In's sister) is just overwhelmingly gorgeous to me. I am starting to cry thinking about it. But not in a sad way, just in an emotional way. I feel moved.

I think the story of reincarnation works because it is told within a culture where that concept is present. In my opinion, it wouldn't work as a Western centered story. It's definitely not perfect (Pharm deserved pleasurable connection with Dean FFS) but it is very well done for the most part, and tells a truly impactful story.

So my dear, although their path was challenging, and they had to do work through unresolved traumas, it was founded in love and supported the whole way through. They healed, and they represent what we have today. And also - the work we are doing moving forward.

Plus, you know they stayed together forever, and probably met again, in another life, right? Maybe they are always here, forging paths for the next queer generation, representing our progress and healing.

It's a nice idea, isn't it?

[x-blackrainbow-x]

FFS got the 2 religious chicks at my door again. Trying to listen to music (Korn) full blast in my earphones, looking at nice knives to buy, song stops and banging at my door. I see them and go 'ugh is this the God stuff again'? Them: oh, have the missionaries already introduced themselves'? Me: you're here every few months. I'm not religious ok? Not interested'

They usually try and force more on me but I'm in my usual all black wearing an 'enjoy satan' shirt, they looked me up and down and left it at that 😂. Hopefully won't be back. I hate when ppl try and force their beliefs on me. I don't care if you're religious or whatever, just don't keep coming to my safe place, the only place I have solitude from this fucked up world and force shit on me.

[whydoihave]

I posted 178 times in 2022

That's 178 more posts than 2021!

59 posts created (33%)

119 posts reblogged (67%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@heretherebedork

@crypticzeros

@lori0018

@whydoihave

@lu-sn

I tagged 116 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#unforgotten night - 62 posts

#ao3 - 26 posts

#kinnporsche - 18 posts

#ff - 16 posts

#kamolkim - 15 posts

#fanfiction - 14 posts

#kinnporsche the series - 13 posts

#khom x baiboon - 10 posts

#fanfic - 9 posts

#kim/kamol - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 51 characters

#i tend to choose music carefully to go with the fic

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: บรรยากาศรัก เดอะซีรีส์ | Love in the Air (TV 2022) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Prapai/Sky (Love in the Air TV 2022), Phayu/Rain (Love in the Air TV 2022) Characters: Prapai (Love in the Air TV 2022), Sky (Love in the Air TV 2022), Rain (Love in the Air TV 2022), Phayu (Love in the Air TV 2022), Sig (Love in the Air TV 2022) Additional Tags: Sickfic, Sick Character, Fever, Fever Dreams, Caretaking, Love Confessions Summary:

Sky Cannot Focus…

He cannot draw a single line without having to look behind him to check the man currently sitting on the floor..

and for once it’s not because Prapai is loud… it's the exact opposite

10 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#4

NOW WAIT A SEC...

That minor family ring... is golden... right... ?

Let me tell you something first and then I tell you why that matters so much right now...

Why would Korn.. of all people.. hand Porsche power??

Because he is not scared of Porsche, he has enough cards in his hands to manipulate Porsche ..

Kinn, Chay, His mother...

Korn has all the cards actually... Porsche is Korn's only way to control Kinn... and to some extend ... to control Kim ... because I don't believe even for a second that he has no idea about Chay and Kim...

don't even try to tell me that they (all combined) have not been watched and monitored every step of the way... I don't believe THAT!!

and that scene in the end where Khun takes their pic and send it to Korn... God.... it's the sign... the game is afoot.... and let's not go down the rabbit hole that i don't believe for a second that Khun is harmless because I think this chess game of Korn has way way more people playing it...

now one last thing before I get back to the ring...

by taking that ring off Vegas's finger and letting Pete go.. Korn might have done his own undoing... because Vegas is not his father... he doesn't seek power, he doesn't trust power anymore.. and when Korn told him I will take care of you and your brother.. it sets the wheel in motion ..

I Personally thought and I understood that the frame of it meant... you are next now that your father is dead

but back to the point... and if pete is there.. he will not seek revenge for the man who tormented him... because revenge will drive pete away.. and we cannot have that...

Vegas will seek the truth... and the truth is that Korn is playing them... so he will shake hands with anyone for the truth...

we already saw this when he was helping Porsche in ep 13...

now back to the fact that the ring is gold while Kinn's ring is (silver/platinum..)

Let me tell you that in my culture... (I am Egyptian...) Gold wedding rings are mostly for women... and men's rings are rarely gold..

Farfetched... I don’t think so...

I remember that for days it felt odd for me so I keeping going back and checked which is which... and if you take that into consideration... you realize that the close up scene on the rings means more than it lets on...

you get where this is going...

it's so small but it's a declaration that they will never be on equal foot... it will be their own undoing.. it will strain them...

Notice the hands... not holding each other... not entwining.... Kinn's hand is above... Because he has the Upper hand... Literally

So when he says we will be one.... you cannot just believe that...

because Porsche knows... he knows kinn cannot stand in front of his father... he never did and never will... and it will be their undoing... because Porsche will not be played... he didn't come all this way only to come all this way...

and in his seek of the truth.. he will shake hand with vegas again.... because if Pete trusts vegas... Porsche trusts them both...

and as the time goes and the mysteries increase.. he will lose trust in Kinn..

and I think in the end it will all come down to whether Kinn is willing to take his blindfold off and see the things for what they are or not...

Oh & you know why because Kinn can & would die for Porsche -we have seen that already- .. but he cannot and would not - if not pressured enough - confront his father...

See the full post

12 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

#3

Again, I should be working, But 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I am 100% Sure, that Korn let Kinn be with Porsche because he knew who he was, and what would happen if push comes to shove and he discovers that Korn Killed Porsche's Father...

it was not just Korn who knew, I am sure that either Khun or Gun knew too

Which results in 2 cannons..

Kinn is 100% under Korn's control, Korn knows this, Khun knows too, that's why he was surprised when Kinn said that he really loves Porsche.. because it was showing weakness to his father for the first time after Tiwan.

Korn did kill Porsche's father... I have no doubt about it, and the state of Porsche's mom is not just a thing.. it's being induced..

I think that's why Korn gave Porsche the minor family, to make an enemy out of Vegas for him, because other than this, both people would get along just fine, and with Pete in the equation, they would get along really fine...

but with the current situation, it's going to be all mingled, and it would take time for Vegas to trust Porsche and for Porsche to realize he has no power at all, he is being played in order to just remain in the dark.

it's no longer a chess games, and if it is.. I don't know who is playing against Korn... because all of them are pieces now.

and there's a thing I noticed and fits with the whole thing I said before that the board usually resets

Loook at the board...... LOOOK AT THE BOARD... this is one of few scenes where Korn is setting before a board and the board has no games...

13 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

#2

So..... let me spare you how this thought got into my head.....

But ever noticed how similar Vegas and Kinn are... in regards to their fathers...

Let me elaborate...

Both boys are seeking their father's approval. Despite the way but at the end of the day Kinn is a toy in Korn hands the same way Vegas was a toy in Gun hands... the method might be different but the fundamental similarities are there

Both have lovers that they should not have fallen for ... I don't think in a million year Gun would have let Vegas be with Pete... and i don't think Korn would have let Kinn be with Porchse if he wouldn't benefit from it on the long run... he had to go with the flow or else all things would have led to Porchse killing him without kinn protection.

Both boys cannot face their fathers.... aka ep 14.... you have Vegas who tells Porsche that what's next is up to his father but he wouldn't let anyone touch Pete. And you have Kinn who covers his father against Porsche.

Taking all of this into consideration I have 2 things to add here

Gun had to go because that was the only way Vegas can be freed... that's the only way he can be with Pete... that's the only way he can be a proper man on him own. And that was the only way things can move forward...

If Gun didn't die that day... Vegas would have lost Pete .... and Pete must have realized that Vegas can be salvaged now that Gun is dead

It would all come down to Korn being faced.. by any/all of his 3 boys... and trust me when I say this... I have a gut feeling that Khun is going to come into major play later on...

It's some sort of a cycle and I believe Korn is trying to Avoid a certain things from repeating which is making them repeat more violently nonetheless 🤔

14 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

sooooo, it's raining cats and dogs here and that got me thinking..

Ever wondered why Vegas, Porsche and Kinn has younger brothers ? in the spectrum of storyline/Series..

so you have Vegas - extremely bad - a very very proper older brother, and Porsche - Extremely good - a very very proper older brother

and then there's Kinn... who barely talks to his younger brother, the exact younger brother who went into lengths to know whether Porsche can protect his older brother or not..

that got me thinking... who is the ticking bomb here...

it kind of sets all the red alarms in my head, because Porchay and Macau didn't meet yet in the series.. but if they do.. they might be the card to bring Pete, Porsche and Vegas in one team.. because Macau and Porchay have been protected by their older brothers this entire time and nothing and no one will change that... which means that Vegas and Porsche would have something in common already, a middle ground if you may say..

they both wants to protect their brothers.. from Korn and from the family

but on the other hand you have Kinn.. who is both a younger and an older brother.. and let me just say he fails as an older one.. but then... he is a younger brother to Khun..

I know.. I am spinning in a circle.. but take the situation of Vegas and Porsche and try to (CTRL +V) on Khun.. it would make some sense..

Perhaps the fact that Khun is the way he is and the way he acts despite being super smart is that he is a buffer to protect his younger brother as well, the exact same task that Kinn fails horribly to understand and mimic..

I think... the edge here was not about protecting lovers mainly.. that has already been done..

I think it would be a battle to protect brothers.. to protect younger brothers in particular..

15 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

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[2oh2]

Wasg gang 😹🙏🏾

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[solardick]

Find in mind.

Cards died. Resurrect in time, perhaps.

How am i supposed to

Too smoking while im serrounded by an rntire army of assholes fucken with my exixtance? Whole reason i started smokign in the forst place.

Why you you all go take a picture of your shit in the toilet anf then you can frame it on the wall and impresses all yo friends with how proud you ste to take such a massive dhit.

Instead of trying tp prove how united spsrklings yurds are. Tou gonna come harrass me with another girl. And then rape me some

More?

Terrible on tarots part. It lost that time. No new cards.

So, i dont know what to write about the cards. Save that for temperance letter R and letter 3. Incrementally. They belong together. Pooring water down from the sky. Water is essential. Same is said upwards.

On the russian side of things here. Letter Я. Not to say a mirrored image. For both belong seperatively. Apart from one another. This chosen as Waites sun card, to designate the hilghly biased Letter Ii. Not to be mistaken as Ll. As i’ve seen the hermit. Here would show as The man toiling the feild. To promote the ideal of one with nature. Or yet, to give it to the blacksmith. The ideal, and toil to forge the tools of productivity. To forging the self. Both belong to dedication.

What card did i give letter Bb? In this system card letter Ff is exchanged for Bv. Foreign system. Bbv all get jumbled. To tarot it was… the high priestess. But i gave her to number 3. As letter Cc. Which has its own foreign connection to letter Cs. Which happens to be the devil.

Chew that one over a while.

There’s no equivalent to a mirrored B. Thats forbidden. Top tier shit. The gamers ot that level. Dont like if things dont run smooth.

The high priestess here, comes from foreign land. It’s once removed, literally. 3C. She pictorially becomes the field he’s plowing.

But it looks like they fosed ne again. May nog go to work tomiriw again. Be out of work and. Ack to suicide. Lije i an right now. Dorry i havevto ho foghg for my life now sgain. For the N-th year in a row

And nobody deserves having their entire lives owned by other people. So they can fuck with it at leasure.

But, i like my cards. Olmost time to veeto my legs again. I also like having hairless legs. Im not a hairy guy. But the legs always bothered me. Saw a guy sitting there waiting for his appoitment. Wearing shorts riding up his thies. I was like “ewe”. One of my favorite parts of being with a girl. All those 20 years ago. Was the legs. Soft, smooth, could go down there hickey up the inner thy. Another part was when their tops were removed and they were standing infront of you and all you could see in your feild of vission. Were their bare shoulders riding below rosy cheeks. Mhn.

But apparently. According to others. Im a gay bashing homophobe who throws cats agaisnt walls for fun. How can you be a homophobe when you spent the first 13 years of your life sucking on cock. While tour family plays dumb. And introduces you to bands like Korn. Before you even know what their singing about. Then you grow out of it. Realise whta the fuck your doing. And stop. But all thise years. Bred addiction to the only positive source of feel good brain chemicals. Then you fall off the wagon a couple times and get your entire life destroyed by stupid fucken retards. And then over 26 years later tour still being raped by assholes.

What you an alchoholophobe. Dont want to deink this vodka?! Lets poor it doen yo throat. Well. Not really. Doesnt really compare. But. You get the jist. But ehat do you expect from a society that sells poison on every street corner. One stop shop of gassoline, ornohraphy, sugar, alchohol and cigarettes, from a society that sell turd toys for young children. ….. every child matters right? Bunch of bs that is.

If i ever have a kid. Not likely. They arent going to know what i tv is until they get to highschool. No no no. You’re not going to be in this pot of spectrum disorder. Might as well remove the segregation completly and have bous and girls share the same public restrooms.

But, try and might to see what i can do with the cards. Firmly imprinting an image of the emperor save that its mostly associated to war and not good feeling things. Hardship and taxes. The alternative becomes better. Empress things. Merged with the priestess and the devil.

I woke up gin his morning. Why?

Wonder if they’re ever going to give Russia their land back. Its theirs. They gave it to ukraine. Umarine turned their back on them. And joined nato. So they want their land back.

And yes im still

Smoking. Cause im

Still

In prison.

But crawl back out. Until i get pushed back down. It just echoes. Repeat the same lines. Over because i want to but. The momentum is gone. And its hard to get started. Even without. And unfortunaelty all thats comingout is this sickly crap. And i wonder what the next phase of the plan is next week. How im going to be worked.

Save but, to continue on. Ss Cc Cs.

Let these three groupings, i would say, rest. In your mind. There is t other pairing to make with these. From two to three. Four still comes before. Whats already there. Doubles.

Four is a multiplication from three. For there is two ways to spell a number.

With out its symbol it has little trace. To speak of it with a foreign name.

Let me show you.

3

_______

Letter three is Cc. Because of the lack of symbols C plays a duel nature. To distinguish, in english Cc varies between Cs And Ck. Whereas C is soft K is sharp. In most cases K is replaced by C. And often K is silent. The letter is weakened by the unspoken and shares time with knowledge.

Letter three is also Bv to distinguish it from english. It isnt Bb. It belongs with two. Theres a little warping involved while pronouncing B and V to their similarity with three. And the letter C.

But Cs is more of a “Ts” sound. And is no where near three as it falls on number eleven. But it does accentuate two separate bodies. And is less divergent than the western counterpart.

Knowledge is power; power corrupts.

As for C and S. stands the virgin priestess. And the devil side by side. Below that perched is the english devil. And above the cartes des dammes etailla death card. A quaternity of feminine sexuality. Innocence tied to will and bondage.

There is also another pairing with the empress card who from the foundation up serves for number three. This also changed position with the qwerty system, from a lack for what to call it, and was given to letter D. Its equivalent is Д, which starts one basic word that forms close to the heart. Дом. Home. Its certainly more comforting written in the russian set than it is in english. It was given to the throne. Domicile. Dominion. Domination. Damnation if its built upon the fool.

The D is set to symbolize the womb. From where life comes. The physicality of presence. Substance, with form. Its a living world. Not mechanical.

And the game is all

About unlocking yo chi.

Had a couple visitors this weekend. A cat and a ferret. Exploring my appartment. Well their about to innitiate another hit on me. We’ll see what it is.

So i may as well go

Get a pack of smokes. Going on 40 consistent ywars of being hit like this. Taking other peoples punishments. That they deserve on top of everything fun dun.

Uh, all that came up was casually mentioning boogus sexyal harrasment charges. No gay dhit. Surprised. Eow.

So in this image of temperance and the land. She has no place as of yet in my deck. Not the one i’m working on. She should belong somewhere in there. Attention is still drawn to card letter Я. The farmer in his field, surrounded by golden wheat. Hat’s off, for more sun. … though, like already before, the blacksmith gives light to the industrial. To strength, and formation. It just doesnt fit well with the above. You want something harmonious to see. Something that brings all the cards together. In a way that surpasses the attention.

Hey the cats back. Male, tiger striped.

Maybe, the man, with his straw hat, holding a hammer. In the feild. “What you doing with a hammer way out here, old man?”

What indeed son….

Something like this. And not to remember that Я stands for I. They mean the same thing. Every letter that has room for an I. Put it. Its fun to consider card letter 3 has no I. B does. D, E, F, H, K, L, M, N, P, R, T, Y is debatable. Not really a full I. M and N are partial. Sometimes slanted. But curios if to use this. On the matter of the Tower card letter Б, and card letter 3. If card letter B isnt present. Another messages speaks out here. A tower in the field. Worth to think about.

So card letter 3 is on number 9. Which also inextricably links card number 3 to card letter 3. Seeing how they share the same symbol. So at wall-value the two are interchangeable. It’s by layer that they differentiate. The interchangeability. Still there, weaker because it’s been diluted. This created 3 separate images but, two separate pathways.

The two three’s are also a single three squared. This number being nine. The midpoint obviously six. Perhaps that why six is an image of lovers. And the letter H. With its similarity to sex. Vowels aren’t counted in tarot. There is no card letter Ii or Ee. Its just SX. Card letter S is the devil. And card letter X is another image of boy meets girl. Or Crowley’s. Rim job. Though also taken with freedom, innocence and exuberance. This is not something taught.

I dint like this feeling? Is it going to go away? And stop calling me jack sparrow. I dont have a compass. Fuck off. The only thing im learning in life is the conditioning tgat degenrates entire populaces. Understanding how it works. And why it works.

Russia invades canda. Im joining their side. And ill sell ouy every mother fucker i know. Well i should say father fucker. Because we need political correctness after all.

Curse words do curse. you are what you speak. Ну, is this course it’s written. The written word is interresting compare to the spoken word. In this instance,

It’s negation to the male figure. Mother, fTher. Odd type O. Turns of phrases make a whole lot more sense. When the symbol what represents the letter carries with it a wonder. At the arrangement. What’s it mean?

Odd. Type. O. Is such a phrase.

….i’m not that high, . Why^

I created love again. It’s out there. A single unity. My effects are powerful. Always were. There’s strength there. Not much of a life. It will grow. Never lasting. On the letter N, here, suits the french strength. As in no is a fundamental word. If i were to create its own separate card. The Гг asian dragon. Will glide a-coiled the empress. For in all affect it is taught to treat with dignity.

https://youtube.com/shorts/eAXGSMARcCk?si=EBmC-QXZiZ9EatnM

But not that i’ve been forced and raped into a queer. I better get hooked up with a guy or two. Cause sex is all i care about now nothing else matters. Im just here to be fucked. Born and bred to be a subordinate punished every moment i stepped out of line to talk with a girl. And all i got to do is take these pills once an evening. For two days everyother couple of days. And ill take a massive shit that will completely empty my bowels and keep me loose. And they’ll weaken my muscles. So i wont be as strong. And people can continue laughing at me, and doing cruel things to me. Its been that way since childhood. Im used to it. My enyire existance has been nothing but people fuckein with me. Somce my forst memories. I even got eiple making fun of me if i stand up straight instead of slouching.

I live in a gay abusive idiocracy and i dont want ot be alive anymore. .

Hey its labour day. Eveything is closed except for the poison dispensaries. Evil never sleeps. You may always have the opertunity to

Smoke amd get drunk. I have no will to live my life anymorw. Choice is removed. At a certain length. Of all the years of set ups and negative relations. Druggings, manipulations, and conditioning. Does t really make it a free will choice. While no one tells you, all play to ulterior motives. Not letting you in on them. And half of them are sexists fucktards. Laughing at you. But you cry a bitch if it was turned on them.

Its pure queer for me. There’s no bi, there’s no gay. Its just queer. May as well have tits and a vagina. But, i have a masculine athletic build and the “persona” to match. Always paired to some “superior force” outside of me in the form of another person or an entire community. Bedroom with a spychotic abusive older brother from where ive been beaten on for being beaten on.

A magical golden aura toyroom. Al it takes to reach the bottem is being puched down them so you can roll like a ball and hit the wall at the bottem. That right there. Is all you need to know about me. Because thats all its ever been.

Ill start training myself how to be queer. Start watching japenese anime. Well until rhis shit wears off and i can go back to being me again.

I want to be in the abisive side of life. And rape people into suicide. Then i could feel like im

Part of the comunity. Makinng life a better place for everybody. Maybe i could turn a bunch of eomen into lesbians with my toxic feminity. Then they be willing to fuck me with their metaphorical dick. They already done a miraculous power at degenerating society into based driven pervets.

But society does run off, have its language basis from slavery. Generations of enslavement unti the people developed their own identity and form of communication based of submissive habits.

All these years of conditioning and manipulations to turn me into a queer. All those years list on the defendive insread of growing and learning hhow and building a life for myself. All thet development lost to other people. Obsessed with me.

Maybe go yo the gym. Start working out. See a teainer. See if they can help with certain joints and tissue. Doing posuture and diaphragm exorcizes. And some degen fuck tard was talkign smack behind my back. Like i dont have that extra sense. Not to know. Because i was standing up tall. And my chest wasnt as sunken.

Made fun of and picked on for showing masculine. Get fag bashed and heyerobashed by everyone. Byt thats just me for being born. Get manhaddled and shipeed around like im not a person. Always ben a product of other people projections. And most of them. The majority of it all is negative. And people actually rhink that if they keep their thoughts in their head. No one can hear them. Or that their actually good actors. Cause they suck. And should watch more tv.

Its easy alot of the time to tell if someone is being themselves are not. Aadly to say most of the gay people ive been i troduced to. Are all aliens in their own skin. Cause they live a lie. There a taint looming over them. Passing through them. And its revolting. Because they are not. Save for society and all the conditioning and pressures and the sexualization of symbols. And it mKes me feel bad. Pity. Speaking of which then you have the fully emasculate with the bestie girlfriend filling there intents and motivations with friendly feminine support agaist their own better judgement. Some of these guys are brilliant. Caught listening to the dark externalized feminine sins. Affecting the morality or ethicallity of theire decisions.

I was gaming with such a couple. And he was all like. But i shouldn’t cause it���ll be intrusive or etropic to them. Meanign the girl is like. No, nonits alright. They don’t mind. And i was like. Ih yeah i do. He’s right. Amd your an idiot. And then they mive on away from the friend and the nagotive feminine. Addopt the best of it. Find a dmoninate male and have mind blowing anal sex for the rest of their days. One less good man making the world a better place.

But good job getting my mother into it. Now when ever i see her abusive ugly face,i’ll go watch a family oriented film or something. With a good mother “archetype” and good family values. To help save on the degeneracy of my constant conditioning. She always wanted a girl. No she has one. She should leave me the fuck alone. Too busy living in her fantasy land and her memories to pay any attention to her children. Whoch is what she should hav ebeen doing instead of being present but absent. Or beating on me or throwing a bipolar double fire fit everytime if it involved my person.

Now excuse me in my fantasies of the ideal mother and family while being raped into suicide. And repress the hatred to bury everysingle One of you with out conscience or mercy. Which also means the absnece of cruelty. Whoch is a sing of dovinity in this world.

Purge the fucken demon.

An impossible task in hell.

Fuck love. Born again.

Though i do wonder if the next step, if this one doesnt work. Is to kidnap and rape me everyday until i like it.

Meh, ive came further.

Everytime ive jerked off, which is alot, i hit the wall on the other side of the room.

Damned, that ass. You guys are luvky get to stair at that all day. If it were me. Id take iher in the back every 5 mins and pump her full of baby girls thta look just like her. And the world would be a better place for.

But i aint 8 years ild anymore. Dont have the drive like i used to.

Thats not good hash thats bad hash. But ill smoke it anyway. Maybe it’ll turn me into a queer agajn for a fee hours. Its harsh, burns black and tastes and smells like a dollar street dealer. Ive smoked enough laced weeed in my days. Some

Of the shit they put in it. I som’t even want to know. When you take a small little puff and blackout. You know its good shit. Maybe itll make me unstable and ill get raped again.

I need to kill myself.

Wonder who my boyfriend is gonna be. Hope he’s like 6ft, exercises, hung and wealthy. If im gonna be a bitch than i want to be well off. And not need to work. And do art and study cards game and stuff instead I won’t have to deal with anyone and i wont have to deal with everything on my own. It just be me and him. And anyone else he decided to bring. Cus id be open to that. You take care of all the life stuff because im eas never allowed to learn how to live. An dill take care of the hime stuff. Id hate the world too much to leave the house anyway. As ling as i get my ass fucked into a spasm seizure fit unable to even moan. Because all that matters in life is pleasure. People dont need to feel

Like thye beling anywere and its not like they need people to be able to

Have healthy lives. If all that can be replaced by a dick. Then who am i to argue. I was born to be owned anyway. Always at the mercy of other people and how i get treated. I was never ment to feel human.not like i have a single social connection that doesnt play me this way. All

People have ever dome is fick eoth me. And i dont eant to be alive anymore. 40’urars later i still don’t know what it is to trust somebody.

Ugh. It wore off. I still got some more.

I need a new job. G luvk fimding one. Meet a new group to fuck with me.

So hurry up and send me a guy so i can blow him in my appartment and get it recorded on video for everyone. I have enough experience of it that it destroyed my life. So lets go back and satisfy everyones evil over me. And then you can all smile and laugh and feel superior to me. It’s all ive ever known anyway.

When i asked her for her number, even though, i kmow, after like the 6th time or so being friendly. Ahe started spazzing out. Looking for an excuse but couldnt settle on ine and/or form one on the spot. “Yeah, i can see your uncomfortable. Ya,” walk away.

Too bad they manipulated my physiology into be queer now. The only thing i have to do is unravel all the bs. Oh that what, this that. Its terribly depressing. Im going to go play with my ass now. It kinda feels like massaging your esophagus with a dick. Nothing worth wild. Maybe hurt to swallow for a while.

Well its virgo season so its all about the moon. Some crazy ass far off unavailable, violent and severe moon up in with the fishes of peace and space vibes. If their not a fucken spychopath.

Mothe rplayed with my ass one day. Too focused on my bowels movements then what i was actually doing. Heres a little enema go take a shit. No, no dont force. Let it come out naturally. Like a fountain or some shit. If there wasnt soap going into my mouth, she was popping my pimples. The cakes were good though. Thats pretty much it. But i can go on at quite a length with this. Formulated it all together over thr last few years. I want to beleive that that is the reason why i got raped but, its not. Theres plenty before. Dtop talking jow. Ok. Theres been nothing to hold on to for iver 25 years. Just in the ocean. Being beaten wvery where i go. All these years. Fucken sadistic fucken cocksuckers man.

I glad ive never been able to hold that kind of mentality. Its alien to me. Its way done there pilled all inder less relevant stuff. See? Did i puzzle you? Exactly. Its puzzling. ….” I cry, when angels deserve to die.” Wake up, grab a little makeup….

I hate that words matter. Sentimentality. Spit on it some more. All i do is breed evil. And feed the ines who already are. Its always been that way. Thats just life. Great, your life advice is to shot myself. Fantatic mom. And no i got a while army of women just like you. I dont need you no more.

They all play pretend, they all far away, off in there own little grand worlds of the known, and none of them talk to me either. And they usually have some pre planned thing and nothing is ever organic. No spontaneity, no life. Staring at me at a distince making decisions for my life for me. And, deflect everything. I just font’t know if they own up to it.

My little puppets. Its my power i own it. , never got the what to lead up to this point till now. Tried, failed, fucked with. Doesnt lead much place for development. Always on the defensive on the will. To exorsize evil over being like hey man. Ehats up? Nope. How can i help. Youd figure after all theose hundreds of people. One would. Nope.

I’s hate to say this but, you all suck.

The minute associations from growing up in this retard culture. Interconnectivity. Flow by aspciation. Rippling through your brain. I dont even need to say it cause you already know. Most people say “meh” coincidence or unimportant. Because its dcares them.

I dont think im surviving much longer. Theres no point to life.

Wow, i learn from her. Thise fee short moments of social. Even though its all set up, the back and forth. Ive been a trying to get that for years. Like the feedback loop effect. Ive been deprived of that for so long. Im bately alive anymore.

But im just here to be beaten and manipulated into a belivenrent mess and then raped. Like thats why. Sure ok. Why not.

Ciga and weed. One word i agree with. By association. Pull it! Kill it! Burn!

Sucks to be a four leaf clover.

Go get ipl treatment done on my legs. Their getting patchy. Above the ankles. Ten treatments roughly. 2800$.

Well maybe with all this treatment their eorking over on me. Ill get to go back being a sexually immoral freak that has no bounderies and i can ruin some more lives. And my own while im at it. Ill be back to being a hairless child getting dicked again. While the men im forced to share my life with take pleasure in being superior to me. Oh well so much for the queer life. Somce i was a child. People have always taken pleasure from being over me. Thats just life. Too bad i fomt enjoy it. Id be the happiest person on the planet right now.

But i deserve it. Missing out on my childhood, losing my entire youth and being sexually manipulated in my prime. To never experience anything other than being at the mercy of other people. And never expwrience anything worth living for. 40 years and running. Wonder what a fenuine case of feeling loved feels like. I’ll never know.

Go order some dildos and wait on a guy to make a move on me. It’ll be a set up. Like always.

Throw an anger tantrum. Yell at some people. Boxes are shit, lifys ate shit. Saw is shit. Make a man cry. Igh. Your dad dies last year….(lucky) wow youe sad. You loved your dad. Dint ask for sympathy. Im incapable.

I wont get an inherentance any more than what theyve already goven me. If i do. All that money. Which is gonna be a handfull. Is probably going to. Charity. I dont accept money from strangers and assholes and rapist cocksuckers like he is.

Quit smiking for awhile see if this feeling in my ass ever goes away. If not. Months from now. Ill be ill prabably be a full receptive queer. Agaisnt my own better judgement. And everyone can celebrate.

Hopefully the old testemant is true and god destroys the anericas.

I want to move to russia. Wait till the war os over so i dont get shot by some ltgb rights rapist.

Funny about that while i was getting raped. Was thr forest fires. Worst in years. Hells a burning.

Too bad i don’t enjoy sex at all.

And all the hedonists. Are all oike what?! I dont understand. You cant bot like sex.

With this ass rot desease theyve given me. Ill probably kiss out on old age too.

I dont know how not to be addicted to something.

I scared myself straight. Cant bypass the life preservation with out killing yourself.

I want to turn as many women as i can jbto lesbians. Just to price how sexy of a woman i am.

Dont think im sleepinvvyo ight the ass is too severe. No work. No money. Want to quit anyway. Wont fine another one. Another countdown till i kill myself.

Not putting in any more effort to do a good job thats for fucken sure.

Course i will i dont knwo how not to try and make life better for everybody. It that ive ever experience it before. Give what you get. Has bever once rung true for me.

I always get ten times worse at everything. Could save your life wounldt mayter.

Im nit even allowed to use health care services or see a shrink without being fucked with. There goes that idea.

They want me to be sick so they can continue torturing me for as ling as they can.

Theres no flames to light and keep in anyones hearts. And none in serrounded to thar im willing to.

I cant even be mysellf in my own appartment by myself

Im gonna have to kill myself to prevent everyone from raping my existance. There nothing quite like vbwing framed inti something your not and raped into suicide. Excuse i have to go to work now. Need to to be fucked with some

More.

I have the entire fucken twonships. Hahhahah fucken raping my life hahhab

I need to

Go

Puke soem more.

Hard being s lesbian in a womans world.

My feet are balding my legs are balding my assis balding and the small of my back. Ehats next? Tits and a fat ass. Man, id look skward with tots my shoulders are too broad.

Womanhood aucks. I feel bad for you. Well not really cuz its worst for me than it would ever be possible for you. Chucks. Buch of pussies.

Because ive always been with nature. In nature. Serrounded. One side. Ivr never been fully present. Half of me is here. There other half over there. Ling bouts of solitude paired to toxic personalities. And silence. Nothing means peace. Nowhere means freedom. Just lacking that part to other people. Cuz they’ve always been all the above. Its never stoped. Always there. Always attcked, or persecuted. Singled out, and smalled.

All these years in this inhavent learnt a thing.

And the world is nothing but faget this and faget that. And expectant sadist pleasure with knowing eyes, and curled lips. Year after year.

Father, strangers, others already awuianted to. Social worker, shrink, dentist. Job job. Job. Job.

Alright my god. Show me what next. Pls. The smokes are gone. Give me grace. Like you have. Give me a wonder. Like you have. Brush my skin with wind and my lips with honey.

Yup. Making sure the dentist appoitmment is done by a super pretty girl on really negative venus mars aspects. Still being manipulated into being a queer. All they do is arrange for me to have negative relations with the oppostire sex.

Noy going to the dentist in the 17th. Cant have it on a day of my chossing. Uh?

Anal sucks. Its gross, its smelly, harzardous, and no happy ending. Here come madsage my earloob eith a Q-tip. Itll be mindblowing. An dim a little confused by whomever personalize this general horascipe app of mine. No passion, no fate, no romance. During a transiting mars square venus aspects. With a moon/saturn conjunction in connunction to natal moon. During a lunar eclipse while. Moving away from a sun trine mars to a sun sextile saturn. Not like i understand astrology at all and neither can i study it. Cause my life isnt my own. And it makes it super convinent form oytside forces to manipulate tour life with.

At work to tries pairing me eith an obnoxious buttlover. And a sissy princess. And a foreign indian who has lost his daddy and is still emotionally vulnerable about it. Im a woman remember im incapable of compassion or sympathy. Because women arent like that. And their even more terrible at pretending like they are then men are. They have lies, deceit, drugs and makeup. Theres nothign real about them. Theres no person behind the mask.

Maybe im just not aueer enough yet. Maybe i need to be brought ot the brink of suicide again. Or maybe i need another hormanal injection so i can fantasize about sucking off menopausal women.

Guess ill never know companionship. Be alone forever. Fighting the erge to kill myself. Peobably wont be around mucj longer. All life has ever sone is fuck me anyway. Therws nothing in it gor me.

Anf there probably somethign else excessivly cruel in store for me.

Hahhaha 40 straight fucken years. Hahha. And everyone thinks its fuckne funny. Maybe if i was as eetard as they are id thinknit be funny too.

She thinks im a badass. Being in the right fighting to entire ficken palbet by myself.

Messing with tbe hormones. Probably did the same when i was a child.

[sungnxxn]

Witam witam i o pogodę pytam !1!!!1

Now Playing: MUSE - Map of the Problematique

Nickname: R 18 || Taurus || ISFJ || she/they Pansexual/Aroace Polish/English/German/(learning) Italian but I only write in English Ults: Rosé; Renjun; Sunghoon; Haechan; Gaon Music Genres: Kpop, Rock, Metal Fav Artists: Enhypen, NCT, Blackpink, XDH, BMTH, Korn, Get Scared, Rammstein, Babymetal, SOAD, Radiohead, MUSE, Nothing But Thieves, Paramore, Palaye Royale, Dawid Podsiadło, Taco Hemingway, MSI,, and many many more (I make my music taste my whole personality) Genshin and Honkai Star Rail player !! (Yoimiya, Ganyu, Arlecchino, Luocha, DHIL) I'm not the most active and I write whenever I feel like it During any interactions,, please be respectful to everyone !!!!!!!!!!! I will mostly write for sunghoon/enhypen,, not necessarily ships/x reader ff's (trying not to be awkward but I'll fail anyway lol)

(there will be a bookshelf/masterlist for my works in the future !!)

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

The Chess Game

Throwing my immediate post-watch thoughts onto paper. I'm sure the fandom has thoroughly chewed all of this over long ago, but I enjoy the thinking-and-writing process. It's been a while since I watched something that made those bits purr. (I haven't gone looking for meta on the show yet because I wanted to sort out my own thoughts when I had just watched it - like I said, I'm sure lots of people have covered this territory!)

Having been pretty well spoiled for the show ahead of time, I spent the first half of the season trying to guess what Korn could actually be after by bringing in Porsche. His stated reasoning early on makes no sense, especially when you know about Namphueng, and nothing happens in the plot to support it. The only character who ever tries to buy Porsche off is Vegas, and that's only because he's obsessed with one-upping Kinn. Were the writers just making it up as they went? Would not be the first time I've seen that, I used to watch Once Upon a Time ffs.

However. Assume a method to the storytelling. What motivates Korn? Bearing in mind that the purpose of a system is seen by what it does, not what it claims to do, at mid-season the nature of the two houses, the buildings and the systems, started to make me think.

Korn is a controller type. His goal is stasis, to maintain the closed nightmare that is his family -- which includes the minor branch -- under his control in perpetuity. Gun isn't his opponent; he's a part of the system working the way Korn wants it. So why invite the chaos incarnate that is Porsche into a place where "we don't like chaos here"? Why bring fire -- the element that changes things! -- into your water-drenched world?

Because competition makes you stronger.

Korn lives for the exercise of soft control, for knowing that he's pushed someone to do as he likes without any visible effort, just a metaphor and an emotional knife, but how do you know you've actually got that unless you test it? The game doesn't start when all the pieces are on the board; the game starts when your opponent sits down.

That's Porsche. To make things more interesting, Porsche only has one piece when play begins - Chay, his king, who must be protected at all costs. After that, all he has are the pieces he can take from Korn, which he starts doing in episode 2 if you want to count Kinn's attraction to him, or episode 3 at the latest.

The characters and their roles as I see them:

Porsche makes friends among the bodyguards. Definitely pawns.

He gets Khun away from his TV pacifier, out to where real human things happen. I have assigned him a bishop role. For one, he moves slantwise to everyone else. For two, in the Austen-esque social milieu from which we get a lot of our romance tropes, in a family with three sons one inherited, one joined the military, and one joined the church.

Kinn falls in love with him. I went back and forth on his spot because I really liked the idea of him and Vegas as matched rooks, but I'm going with queen. In theory he should be the most powerful of Korn's pieces, if Korn wasn't a dumbass and Porsche wasn't so damn attractive. (Kinn loves people so damn hard, can you even imagine if Korn had let his son love him instead of whatever the hell this is?)

Chay takes Kim, a knight both on account of his relative freedom of movement and his position defending Chay, whose thematic role is to incarnate innocence. In both of the big fights, he fucks off and lets the rest of his family fend for themselves, and I love that for him.

Big literally dies for Porsche, earning himself the other knight role, that is some straight-up medieval romance.

Tawan by elimination is the queen's bishop. I'm not entirely happy with that position, although like Khun he is ummm diagonal to conventional sanity? His failure is due to Porsche's influence at a bit of a remove, since (if I followed this correctly) it was jealousy over Porsche having Kinn that led Tawan to messing up Vegas' plan? Whew.

In a move Korn definitely does not predict, Pete (now one of Porsche's pieces) gets promoted and takes Vegas out of play. Previously the most predictable character on the board lol. I'm leaving Vegas as a rook. An angry, angry rook.

That leaves Gun to take the other rook position, the piece Korn holds in reserve until the last possible moment because it enables him to try for a last-ditch castle maneuver when it looks like he's about to lose. Whether or not he succeeds is arguable.

Nampheung is Korn's king, the protected piece who makes no moves through the entire game.

And Porsche doesn't even know he's playing. I think the only character who has any clue what kind of game Korn is actually at might be Kim, and he doesn't know the whole thing.

Now, about the endgame.

Writing TV season finales is hard. You seldom know whether or not you'll have room for more story, so you have to tie up enough open threads to be satisfying while leaving yourself room to maneuver if you get another season. You can read this finale in at least three different ways, and I admire the freedom the writers left themselves while still providing something that stands as an ending.

When he fakes his own death, Korn is already almost out of pieces. He's got a pawn or two (Chan deserved a better boss), his king and his second rook. Everybody else is either dead or on Team Porsche. Korn's doing something he proves to be good at throughout the season, stalling for time. He repeatedly gives out a taste of truth seasoned with lies and sits back to see if it works. In this case, he uses the time (I'm fairly certain) to set up the attack on Chay, which if it had succeeded would have won him the game. It fails, so all Korn has left as a strategy is to keep on playing for time.

In the final confrontation, all Porsche has to do to win is take his mom and leave, but he doesn't know that. Whatever Gun was about to say would have changed the nature of the stand-off -- would have been something that could finally be objectively confirmed? -- so Korn makes the sacrifice play and kills him, continues to make him the scapegoat.

In terms of the pieces, Korn is now in the position Porsche was at the start of the game. Gotta love it. But where does that leave us, the viewers?

You can read the finale as Porsche having been checkmated. He and more importantly Chay have been subsumed into Korn's system and will henceforward be susceptible to his power. Note that I don't think that projection is particularly in character. Since Kinn and Porsche are together, the two-house system is effectively dead. Porsche twice affirms that his loyalties are not with any branch of the family but with Kinn personally. Show Kinn an option that doesn't mean his family gets killed, and he is out of there. The whole setup that Korn constructed is a shambles. But that's a lot of inference, so if you like the tragic aspect, I think the reading can be found.

You can read it as Porsche being in check. He and Chay are in a staggering amount of danger now if you think about it, but he hasn't necessarily lost the game. He has not lost Chay, who if anything seems to have solidified his other defender (and the one character who, like I said, might actually have been able to give Porsche some advice in S2 -- I'm so sad.) He still has a lot of his captured pieces. What's more, he knows where Nampheung is, and it will be difficult for Korn to disappear her again. Given that she never speaks, her expression does a lot of work in their last scene together; you can read it as there being more happening underneath than she lets on. This one is my preferred reading; they didn't give Porsche the phoenix motif just because it looks cool.

You can also read the ending as a stalemate or indeterminate in that neither player can do much right now, and it's one of those stupidly long endgames that drag on turn after turn. Porsche still has Chay etc., but right now there is no way for them to get Nampheung free. Korn is out of other pieces, but he still has her. Korn might be thinking at this point that as long as he has her, he can resume his manipulations, get back a few of his lost pieces (or recruit new ones). He keeps the game going by giving Porsche the minor ring, knows from Porsche's own example that it is possible to play right up to the point of a win from this position. He might be absolutely loving this?

So there are my thoughts on the chess metaphor.

[ramblings-of-imagination]

Ramble time (BB FF)

Macau smirked as he watched P’Kinn looking puzzled. He was enjoying it. Take the truth, twist it around, keep telling the truth but with a different narration and the whole situation took on a different meaning. He had learnt that after observing his Uncle Korn. That old man was a genius at manipulating a situation and a person’s mind to his own liking. Macau would be taken to the meetings where he would see one situation and later their Pa would sit down with Macau and Hia and explain what the actual situation was and how Uncle changed it to suit his situation with right words and well edited sentences. A little omission, a little editing and the same truth alluded to something else in other people’s minds. Macau was in awe of his Uncle then and wished to learn the trick.

 It took Macau years of listening into his Uncle’s meetings to get a grasp on it. And even now Macau considered himself just a novice in this art of manipulation. But it seemed to be enough to fool a tired P’Kinn. Macau knew though that the only reason he was able to twist the truth and narrate it to P’Kinn was because the man trusted Macau and he was too tired to grab Macau by his shoulder and demand that Macau gave him a detailed report. Then Macau would have had to disclose everything. But now….. P’Kinn was exhausted. The tense atmosphere during Don’s stay, the rushed travel to home without resting, all was taking toll on P’Kinn and the man was playing right into Macau’s hands. Time to twist the knife in, he mused.

Author: Oh Macau! Oh Macau! (sigh) Whatcha doin', boy?

Also Author: this was so cool! (squeal) (wide grin) This is going to be so much fun. (evil grin at Kinn and Porsche)

(Excerpt from Chapter 63 of the fic. The chapter where Kinn would meet Porsche for the first time!)

[andreaskorn]

Karl Korn: Beiträge zur Heimatforschung Mettmann

Festschrift zu 1000 jährigen Jubelfeier der Stadt Mettmann [Verlag der Buchdruckerei Otto Kolp & Co., Mettmann]

Andreas Korn: Seit 904 urkundlich verbrieft besitzt Mettmann das Stadtrecht. 1904 wurde das 1000 jährige Bestehen groß gefeiert. Karl Korn hat in seinem Band "Mettmann. Dokumentationen. Findbuch" von 1996 unter anderem auch Quellen zu diesem Ereignis aufgearbeitet. (Vgl. dort S. 10 ff. sowie die von mir digitalisierte Inhaltsangabe der Festschrift)

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Inhalt

Allgemeine Geschichte Mettmanns. Von Oberlehrer Kuhlmey (S. 01)

Mettmann unter preussischer Verwaltung. Von Bürgermeister Conradi (S. 18)

Geschichte der katholischen Pfarrgemeinde. Von Pfarrer Döhmer (S. 37)

Geschichte der evangelischen Gemeinde. Von Hauptlehrer Giese (S. 46)

Geschichte des höheren Schulwesens. Von Dr. Vowinckel (S. 52)

Geschichte der evangelischen Volksschule. Von Lehrer Hütz (S. 56)

Geschichte der katholischen Volksschule. Von Hauptlehrer Vogt (S 64)

Gewerbliche Fortbildungsschule. Von Hauptlehrer Giese (S. 69)

Geschichte des Kgl. Lehrerseminars. Von Seminarlehrer Berndt (S.70)

Prolog (S. 73)

Lebende Bilder (S. 75)

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Leider findet man in einer zeitgemäßen Online-Recherche nur spärliche Informationen oder Erinnerungen an das vergleichsweise lange Bestehen der Stadt Mettmann.

Dr. Andreas Korn, 24.10.2023