#Konmari

[hussyknee]

[soybeanman504]

紺珠伝の魔理沙

[olkihattuluffy]

Voispa konmarittaa ittensä 

[in-sufficientdata]

Why the Konmari method is pretty useless for people with genuine problems with hoarding and OCD, or OCD tendencies, at least without some caveats and definitions:

Hoarding is defined by a persistent emotional attachment to inanimate objects. Clutterers and hoarders often have an unconscious need to save items, whether for an imagined future ideal use, or just because otherwise they would end up in the landfill.

People with these issues often have difficulty discerning the difference between a truly useful item and something that should be given or thrown away because of their emotional attachment to the item.

They see themselves as the best curator of the items, which may range from useful items like craft supplies, display items, sentimental items, and stuff that is truly just junk.

"Sunk costs" is a term from economics that means that a cost that has already been incurred and cannot be recovered. Although the original term refers to finances, the sunk costs of the time and effort someone has put into an item can influence their decision to keep the item.

Therefore, another factor in this attachment is the sunk costs of money, effort, and time that a person has put into an item. A person may no longer be personally attached to an item, but will keep it because they have always meant to use it or simply because it's not yet ruined.

This is also a reason those with fewer economic advantage tend to be hoarders more than those with a comfortable financial situation. Someone like this realizing they've obtained two of an item will take on the responsibility of curating both instead of getting rid of one.

Because of all these factors, the expression that was translated as "sparks joy" in the English version is too easy for a clutterer to confuse or redefine in their own mind as they work to sort through their items.

In my case, for example, I had a situation where the basement, which was full of our excess saved items, needed to be cleared so the cracked foundation could be repaired. I had to decide what to save in the limited storage space we still had, and what to throw out or donate.

If Konmari had been in vogue at the time (this was in 2004) I'm certain I would have kept far more items than I should have. This language is too easy for a clutterer to massage and redefine in their own mind based on what the item is.

First, clutterers need to be clear-eyed about the fact that they suffer from excess emotional attachment to objects. Flylady's declutter method was in vogue at the time I engaged in this declutter session, and she has a whole checklist of questions to ask oneself about an object:

Do I love this item?

Have I used it in the past year?

Is it really garbage?

Do I have another one that is better?

Should I really keep two?

Does it have sentimental value that causes me to love it?

Or does it give me guilt and make me sad when I see the item?

This may seem needlessly complex to someone who is not a hoarder or clutterer but this addresses many of the reasons that a sufferer would keep an item that they shouldn't.

Another factor is that they are perfectionists. This seems at odds with the idea that they may have a huge mess in their home, but what happens is they often can't deal with their persistent need to have a perfectly clean home that matches their vision.

Because of this they put off starting on the project until it can be done perfectly.

This is why methods like Flylady and Unfuck Your Habitat (which is really just Flylady without the cutesy rhetoric) help these people so much, because people with differences such as ADHD become clutterers because they don't know how to regulate their own time or how to organize.

The emotional attachment to their possessions is, incidentally, why decluttering on behalf of your hoarder friend is a very bad idea. The person will need to work through this process on their own, in order for it to stick.

Getting rid of these items can be intensely emotional and difficult for someone with these tendencies.

Time limits, routines, consistency, and persistence are the best tools for someone who needs to declutter. Don't try to do this all in an afternoon. Not only is it a difficult process, it should become a consistent habit.

For resources and further reading please check out Squalor Survivors (archive.org link).

[chaosclimber]

konmari

The room was a complete disaster. Dream stood in the doorway, watching Hob sort through, piece by piece, what looked like every article of clothing they owned, all piled on top of the bed. It bewildered him–they’d been together long enough, Dream knew Hob’s cleaning methods. And while the process was never a tidy or streamlined one, it wasn’t….this. Hob tended to Roomba-clean, bouncing from task to task as he realized each one needed doing.

This was…oddly focused, despite the absolute mountain of clothes on the bed. He was sticking with clothes, sorting them into three piles. 

“So…what is going on here?”

Hob glanced over, and smiled widely–he always did when he saw Dream, and it never failed to make his heart flutter. Even after all these years. “Well, remember a little while ago everyone was going crazy for Marie Kondo and her method?”

Dream furrowed his brow, thinking back. The name sounded familiar, but where did he hear it? The memory hit all at once, and suddenly the way Hob was sorting made sense. “...Dearheart…that was ten years ago. It was before we even met.”

“...Yeah. A little while ago. Isn’t that what I said?” 

…Fair enough, when ‘the other day’ in their household could mean anything from yesterday to five years ago. 

“Anyway, I finally decided to give it a try. Can’t be any worse than my normal method, right?”

Dream raised an eyebrow, but refused to rise to the bait. He watched silently for several moments, as Hob picked a garment from the pile, considered for a moment, then folded it carefully and placed it in one of three piles. 

And then he picked one of Dream’s shirts. It was quickly added to the largest pile to the left, but not before Dream could spot it. “...You have all of our clothes in there?”

“Well, no. This one just…managed to get in my side of the dresser. Somehow.” As if the other man didn’t routinely steal his clothes. Dream never quite understood it, given Hob was so much broader than him–he most certainly could not pull off the whole ‘stealing your partner’s clothes to wear’ thing. But it rarely bothered him, so he smiled fondly, then stepped into the room properly. “Alright. Can I help?”

“...Yeah, d’you wanna start putting the clothes in that pile” He pointed back at the big pile “back in the dresser? The middle one’s donate and the last one’s are for the poor dears who’ve done their time.” Hob grinned, shifting to make room for Dream. There was still plenty of sorting to do, but at the very least, not having to deal with the piles afterward would streamline things.

Dream was glad to see that the other piles were still sizable, even if the pile of stuff that was staying was still the largest. “...do you plan on doing this with your hobby supplies, as well, or just your clothes?”

“We’ll see how I like it at the end. It feels weird staying this focused and not bouncing off to another task, but I know we need the bed tonight, so…”

They lapsed into companionable silence, working seamlessly together. Two hours of straight tidying–probably a record in their household, in all honesty. Dream glanced over as Hob plopped onto the bed in a huff. “...I miss the kids.”

He had wondered if that was the culprit for the sudden cleaning-fit. It had been a good distraction from how quiet the house seemed now, empty of rowdy teenagers. He sat carefully next to Hob, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him close so his head would rest on Dream’s shoulder. “I know. I do, too. But this is good for them.” 

“...Who’s going to eat us out of house and home, now?”

That won a small, surprised chuckle out of Dream. “Well. You’re welcome to try, Robert Aeturnus-Gadling. But I, for one, relish the lower grocery bill.” He smiled as that won a small, watery laugh from Hob in return. He squeezed Hob’s shoulder. “They promised they’d call every week. We’ll hear from them before you know it, and they’ll probably come over for the holidays.”

“It’s not enough.”

“I know. But it has to be.”

“...When did you get so wise?” Hob sniffled a bit, turning into Dream’s embrace.

“I haven’t the faintest clue.”

[dedicatedfollower467]

i've said it before but i'll say it again:

as an adhder, the hard part about the konmari method is not the "don't keep things that don't spark joy" bit, it's the "put things away when you're done with them" bit.

[whowouldwininafite]

[malfoynonsense]

konmari tip

When I read that you should organize by taking everything off the shelves (books in particular) I scoffed and said there’s no way I’m doing that. However, I did decide that if I’m trying this philosophy out, I’m going to do it properly. At this point I was still very sceptical about konmari and was dead set on proving it WRONG. 

So I did an experiment. I looked at my book shelf and found four books I wanted to get rid of, two of which have been in the back of my mind already. 

Then, to follow through and do the decluttering properly, I took everything off the shelf and held each individual book in my hand. The ones I wanted to keep, I put on the shelf. The ones that held sentimental value I set aside. 

And this is the important part: While there were no more than those four original books I acitvely wanted to get rid off, there was a whole pile of books that I didn’t necessarily want out of my sight, but which also sparked no joy whatsover.

 I was completely indifferent towards these books. In fact, if I accidentally spilled coffee on them and ruined them, I wouldn’t as much as be upset about losing a good cup of coffee. I wouldn’t give a shit about having to throw the drenched books away. 

And that made me realize that there was no point in me keeping these books anymore. And moreover, like Marie Kondo herself says in her book, it’s not fair on the items either. To exist in a home where they are not cared for. Where everyone only feels indifference towards them. What use are they serving? None. 

And that may just be me displaying too much empathy towards inanimate objects, but it also lead me to another realization. Wouldn’t it be much better to donate these books so they could go to a new home to an owner who actually wanted them? To a home where someone read them and appreciated the stories in them? I didn’t need these books. I didn’t read them, I would never read them again. 

Marie Kondo says that every item you possess has a function. And sometimes that function is to show you you don’t need that item after all, and that’s perfectly okay. Some of these books were like that - trifted or bought from sale because it gave me a momentary dopamine spike. And then some time passed and I realized I don’t need them after all. And that made me philosophisize more - perhaps the purpose of me owning that item for a while was to lead it in its intended place. Perhaps I found the item because when I did, it was already fate that I would realize I don’t need it and would put it forward and then the person it belongs to finds it. 

idk. So philosophical haha, this was intended as a quick tip and then I spiraled lmao

[daggersandarrows]

So that post with me griping about how awful people are to Marie Kondo is something I dashed off in a sudden rage off the top of my head with absolutely zero idea that it would extend beyond a few people, and now that it's kinda blown up I'd just like to say a few things:

1. I am a person of color who experiences misogyny, but yeah I'm not immune to "for a moment I was so caught up in the euphoria of (cool person existing) that I lived in a world where (racism and sexism) didn't exist"

2. Shut up about the 30 books shut up about the 30 books SHUT UP ABOUT THE 30 BOOKS. Marie said that once she personally was done tidying her space, 30 books was the number that SHE ended up with and a number that SHE likes FOR HERSELF, and if it sparks joy for you to keep way more than that or none at all, then you should do it. Nowhere did she EVER say that you should throw away all but 30 of your books.

3. For those wondering where to learn about her method/read more, her book is called The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up and it's worth every cent.

4. For those wanting a very very basic summary of her method, this is how it works: you tidy by category, not location. Order of category is important because it gets you used to the method and gives you practice on it going from what is typically easiest-hardest to let go of. The categories, in order, are clothes, books, papers, miscellaneous, and sentimental items. You go through each category one item at a time, hold the item in your hands for a second, and ask yourself if it's something that makes you happy to own it. If yes, or if it's a necessity you can't afford to replace or an important document/work thing, you keep it. If no, thank it for serving you, even if the thank you is just "thank you for teaching me I don't like wearing green", and toss it or donate it. That's it! There's more, but those are the basics.

[arctic-hands]

Ugh someone in the free stuff group wants a copy of Marie Kondo's book and naturally the most popular comment is about how she "gave up cleaning" and is a fraud #EmbraceTheMess

She had a third baby, fuckos. Her priorities changed now that she has to keep up with three young children, that doesn't mean she lied it means sometimes life gets in the way. #EmbraceTheMess all you like it that makes you happy, but why are you threatened by this petite Japanese woman who advises you just keep the things you're happy with and say goodbye to the things you don't? And I say that as a pathological hoarder.

[veetri-bitcrush]

I just love this trend

[carolinalaurel]

i know that i konmari’d and loved it so much so i am def for sure her target audience and am therefore biased but: people were so fucking dismissive and rude about marie kondo over some journalist’s skimming of the first chapter of her book. people act like she’s some tyrant trying to throw out all your clothes but her book is literally about yes throw out things you don’t care about but KEEP and TREASURE things you love! she says do you want to throw out this old cosplay? no? then fucking wear that thing around your house for no reason proudly! do you want a hundred pinball machines? then make your house PINBALL HEAVEN!!!

and people are like oooooh now that she has three kids she doesn’t care about cleaning and she gave up! when in actuality she said that she’s given up on making her kids sort their toys by type of material as long as they’re in boxes.

[pixelcurious]

I'm doing another mass tidying I guess. It started as just wanting to get rid of some furniture, like the large armchair I successfully dropped off at the dump yesterday (it wasn't nice enough to donate). I was dreading actually doing that for some reason but it was super easy once I got there. Now I'm fired up for more decluttering.

Anyway I just moved a bookcase I want to re-home, and behind it I found a bunch of portfolios of my old art, and thinking about going through them to see what I might keep is turning my brain to absolute static. I want to just cram it all into a bag for recycling. I haven't looked at it or cared about this stash of art since I moved here and shoved it behind the bookcase, so clearly it is not something that sparks joy, and in fact seems to be sparking anti-joy.

Then there's the boxes of art supplies that were crammed around the bookcase, and a big box of books I took off of it. I've already stacked some of the books for re-homing but I need to go through the rest.

Having done a mass (and fast) decluttering at my mom's recently (during Hurricane Helene no less) has both hindered and helped. Hindered because I brought home some more stuff. Helped because I'm kind of on fire now to not be like that anymore, to really just have stuff I need and like and want. Not stuff I keep because I think I should, or it's too emotional to go through, or "it might be useful someday," or "It's broken but I'm going to fix it," etc. etc.

[howtophilosophizeontheinternet]

The urge to minimize sits, ironically, like a piece of junk in the mind.

[uchidachi]

I’ve got to hand it to Marie Kondo, thanking my old, worn out clothes for their work before I get rid of them has been a game-changer.

[msfbgraves]

Corporate framing really is a drug: "Forget Marie Kondo! You're finally allowed to own stuff again!" Today's "Volkskrant" newspaper.

Marie Kondo would delight in a packed, happy house with loads of stuff that is tidy. The only thing she says is to let go of stuff that doesn't serve you because that stuff will hinder you.

A side effect of that is that people often buy less. Goodness, who could that possibly hurt?

No - oh, corporate not happy, is it?

On the one hand I often think corporate is too large to even begin to fight and on the other hand corporate freaks out at the mere thought of someone spending $55 a year less on knicknacks or spices or hair ties they didn't need. Or finally liquidates their storage unit. It's beyond silly, and it makes me wonder how big the "frustration business" actually is.

If you're as happy as a clam in a clean space absolutely packed with your favourite stuff, she'll rejoice with you! As long as you know, roughly, where everything is. I am just baffled why it upsets people so much to hear this...

...though in spite of a 15% price hike on groceries, I have managed to spend 15% less than a year before and I know that can't have been the plan.

Imagine if everyone did that.

Yeah, I guess that's worth a corporate campaign.