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morgluvsconnie · 8 months ago

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MORGGGG, HOW YOU FEELING ABT DAD!CONNIE??

-🍑

(can i be peach anon ? 😭)

POSITIVE.

connie x preggo/mommy!reader, short headcanons, mild cursing, basically just fluff! (yes u can be peach anon <3!)

dad!connie

who when he found out you were pregnant, just stared at you with a confused look. “i gave you that many cream pies?”

you narrowed your eyes at him and put your weight on one hip, pointing at your stomach. “your child is in my stomach.” you tried to get him to an understanding.

he slowly smiled.

dad!connie

who panicked mostly about when your daughter was gonna start developing feelings for boys, complaining about it almost every week.

“you don’t have to worry about that connie.” you smiled a little, laying across your shared bed.

dad!connie

who copy’s your baby waddle when you’re mad at him or just in general to tease you.

he also finds himself, willingly, sitting or playing around on the ball that you bounce on for your pregnancy.

dad!connie

who when your water broke, laughed because he thought you peed yourself, again, but when you looked at him with wide eyes, his smile faded. “ooou.. oh.. that ain’t pee?” he scratched his head

not even three minutes later, was on the phone with your parents and his parents, stressing tf outttt, rushing around and trying to pack things for you.

dad!connie

who knew true female strength for the first time in a long time when you gripped his arm, trying his best not to say anything because of the pain you were in.

“baby.. my arm-” he started, but you breathed heavily, touching your stomach. “shut. up.”

“okay.”

dad!connie

who stared at the head of your baby with wide eyes, furrowed eyebrows, and a covered mouth.

the size of your baby’s head coming out shocked him. and it wasn’t even because it was big or anything, how could you withstand that?

dad!connie

who felt his fingers losing circulation from the amount of pressure you were putting on his hand. as much as he fanned you, tried to calm you down, he couldn’t help but glance at back down.

yep, that was it.

dad!connie

who had to be tended to by other doctors when he passed out after seeing the way your baby stretched you out.

right before the baby was born.

dad!connie

who stared at your baby with narrowed eyes, blinking a few times before pointing. “she posed to be purple?”

you looked at him and smacked your lips. “she just out connie, she don’t got our color yet.”

dad!connie

who when you got out the hospital, let you rest in bed for the whole day if you wanted to, tending to your baby whenever you needed him to or wanted him to.

barely letting you get on your feet and do things yourself. “nooo, sit down. you gotta be bed ridden.” he kissed your cheek and pat your face with a warm towel.

“where were you with all this when i was pushing her out?” you playfully smiled at him. connie opened his mouth to say something, but squinted. “you know that?”

dad!connie

who, as your child grew, and got more disobedient (apparently only in your eyes), laughed at her antics, until you gave him the same look you gave her.

“oh yeah, put mommy stuff down before this turn into a friendly fire.” connie mumbled, patting his toddlers shoulder.

dad!connie

who, when his daughter came home from kindergarten and said she had a crush on a boy, stared at her with an open mouth, then at you.

“well? you not gon say nothing?” connie narrowed his eyes. you laid back on the couch, putting one of her toys together. “it’s just puppy love con-“

“LOVE?”

dad!connie

who, two days later, when his daughter came home saying she had a boyfriend, almost spiraled out of control.

“and why, callie? please let me know.” he rested his elbows on his knees with his head hanging down in a full dramatic way. “cus, daddy, he said he likes me and then- and then i told him he’s my boyfriend.” she smiled carelessly while sitting on the floor with her toys.

looking at you for at least some type of closure, you just watched with raised eyebrows and a small smile.

“oh yeah daddy, and then i got another boyfr-”

“ANOTHER.” connie quickly stood up, hands to his head while pacing around the living room.

“you hear this girl?” connie stared at you with wide eyes while pointing to his daughter. you pursed your lips together and shrugged.

“i don’t know, she’s similar to how someone used to be.” you tilted your head.

connie rested his eyes. “this is a hazard.”

#𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚕𝚞𝚟𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎₊✩ˎˊ˗#aot connie #connie springer #connie springer x black reader #connie springer x reader #connie x black reader #connie springer headcanons #connie x black y/n #connie x reader #connie x you

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onekmaway · 6 months ago

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" 𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙉 𝙁𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙉𝘿𝙎 "

Rafe Cameron x FWB! Male! Reader

A/N: Was listening to more than friends and eyes don't lie by Isabel LaRosa while writing this :3 Just remember, english is not my first language, so sorry for spelling mistakes and bad wording! also, sorry that it's a bit short :(

CW!: Based on my bot I made! (just click on the word 'bot' for the link <3), this is merely headcanons and brabbles and not a full fic (unfortunately), both SFW and NSFW headcanons/brabbles, this Rafe is heavily based on my bot, not the Rafe in the series, same character, just not personality, do not come for me if his personality is wrong or that he won't do these things. Rafe is 20 years old in this. In public you and Rafe are close friends, in private you are fuck buddies, and in Rafe's head you two are dating (you don't know that though) Rafe is hella possessive and clingy (like badly), slight somnophilia!, mention of violence, Rafe is slightly pervy, Rafe is a bit too much into you, Bottom! Rafe x Top! Reader, reader is a male at birth (AMAB) but otherwise, the gender of reader is not explicitly explained, so can be read as transfem reader (who still has a penis) Words to describe reader: you, your, you're, [name]

‎ ‎‎" 𝙁𝙀𝙀𝙇 𝙐𝙎 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙄𝙉', 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙄𝙉' 𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙊𝙉𝙀 "

SFW

・☆・ He definitely acts like a jealous girlfriend and an insecure one around you even though he knows the both of you are just 'friends' ・☆・ You were his first friend in kindergarten, and now you're still his closest friend even to today ・☆・ You're basically his first contact in his phone, oh, he needs something? He calls you if you have it. Oh, he done something? You're the first to hear about it, he barely even hides things from you now, you two have known each other your whole lives basically ・☆・ He laughs at your jokes often (even if they're not funny), seeing you happy makes him happy ・☆・ Rafe definitely gets jealous often, especially when another person tries to be in your life ・☆・ Be prepared for Rafe to give someone the meanest and nastiest stare if they try to flirt with you (you're his)

・☆・ Rafe definitely buys you things, clothes and accessories mostly, it makes him smile when he sees even one item he bought you on your body ・☆・ Rafe wears a necklace you bought him, and you wear a necklace he bought you, it's of course matching necklaces (one be barely takes off) ・☆・ When the both of you were younger, he definitely slept over at your house a lot and went to school with you like that, a few days a week at least, barely even in his own house during that time ・☆・ Rafe def likes to cuddle you when ever he comes to sleep over (he still does it even though he's 20 now), he doesn't care if he's the big spoon or little spoon, he just wants to hold you while he falls asleep ・☆・ When he gets hurt, expect him to be already at your doorstep, asking you to patch him up, and while you do it, he just smiles at you, asking if you can also kiss it better ・☆・ Oh, but when you get hurt? Even just a bit? He's already hunting down the person who did it, probably carrying a bat with him too, ready to teach the person a lesson to not touch his friend ・☆・ He has a shit ton of things of you, some he stole, and some you bought him or gave to him, he never even threw the things away you gave him when you two were younger, he still has everything, he would rather die then throw those things away ・☆・ Rafe isn't bisexual, or gay or straight, he's [name]sexual, he's basically only attracted to you, yeah he slept with other people before, but why should he when he has you? He just needs you, all he needs is you ・☆・ He acts like your personal bodyguard sometimes ・☆・ Follows you around like a lost puppy, you're the only one he hangs out with almost everyday (he gets pissed if you're gone for too long, and I mean a literal day, he gets pissed if he doesn't see you or gets to hang out with you for a day)

" 𝙉𝙀𝙀𝘿 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙃𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙎 𝙊𝙉 𝙈𝙔 𝙒𝘼𝙄𝙎𝙏 𝙋𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙀 "

NSFW

・★・ You were his first wet dream, and you were the first person to take his anal virginity and the last (now he won't let you go) ・★・ Has put some innocent person in the hospital just because they touched your arm and tried to flirt with you

・★・ Has wrapped the necklace you bought him around his cock, stroking himself with it wrapped around his cock, watching it glistening with lube, knowing that your hands was on the necklace at one point before you gave it to him. ・★・ Thinks about you when he hooks up with a girl, you can't leave his head- and it's the only way he'll even cum during sex with the random girl ・★・ Often masturbates to pictures of you ・★・ Did I mention that Rafe just loves to stare at you? Thoughts going inside of his head, some innocent... some not so innocent, imagining you naked, his eyes going over the bulge between your legs, or going over you hands, imagining your hands wrapping around his neck while you fuck him ・★・ His favorite part of your body is your hands obviously, he always imagines that his hand stroking his cock is yours, or that your fingering him when he fingers himself (it's never the same feeling) ・★・ When Rafe sleeps over, be prepared to wake up with either his hand or mouth wrapped around your cock, and when he sees that you're awake, he'll only claim that you were "hard" when he woke up so he decided to help you out ・★・ Rafe loves to ride your cock, it's his favorite position, his other favorite position is probably prone bone, he loves to stuff his face into his pillow while you pound him from behind- hell, wrap your arm around his neck and choke him like that, he absolutely loves it ・★・ Rafe definitely hints that he wants to wake up to you fucking him, since you woke up so many times with him pleasuring you, he wants you to do it back to him, as almost like payback ・★・ Rafe doesn't really care where the two of you fuck, just not visibly in public, maybe in bathrooms, or secretly grinding against each other in the library, but he does not want to be caught, scared that it'll ruin the Cameron name

・★・ Would suck the soul out of your body through your dick, especially when you're trying to game or on a call, he likes to tease you like that ・★・ Oh, but if you do it to him? If you suck him off like it's his last day on earth? God, he is whiny, he wouldn't even be able to talk with anyone while you suck his cock, not even if he tries to block the noises with his hand, you'll still hear him whimpering and whining about how good it feels ・★・ Loves it when you cum on his face, he'll even stick out his tongue while you paint his face white with your cum (don't get it in his hair though, or he won't talk to you for 10 minutes straight) ・★・ Only watches porn if one of the people in the video looks like you, even if just slightly, or if they don't show their face, but he'll still watch it if the person's body matches yours ・★・ He probably wouldn't leave the business to be your househusband (one day, he prays, he seriously does), he'll want YOU to stay at home while he works, one he can come home to, eat some of your delicious food and then get all the stress pounded out of him <3

★☆ all works belong to @onekmaway, do NOT steal, copy or repost anywhere without permission from ME personally. ☆★

#°•☆- ᴠᴀʟ'ꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ #dom male reader #seme male reader #top male reader #male reader #x male reader #sub character #top reader #bottom male character #dom reader #rafe cameron #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe x reader #rafe outer banks

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vikkirosko · 2 months ago

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🍎 Kidd x kid!Reader headcanons Not forgotten anything 🕰

Kidd got used to the fact that the others did not remember how he returned to the beginning of the day over and over again. He maintained an outward calm, but it was hard for him to die every time or to see others die. However, each time he noticed that with each repetition of the same day, he was being watched. It was you. You were one of the kids he interacted with, but you definitely didn't pay any attention to him on the first day. However, now everything has changed. You watched him as he tried to change what was happening, but when you approached him, even though you hadn't done it before, he realized that something had really changed. You pulled him away from everyone and asked him directly how he was connected with the fact that this day was not the first time

You remembered everything. You remembered how many times the same day started over and couldn't figure out the reason. But pretty quickly you realized that there was someone who behaved differently every day. Kidd. He was the only one who did different things every time, and because of that, you came to the conclusion that he might have something to do with what was going on. He realized that you didn't see absolutely everything, and because of that, he couldn't explain to you so easily what was going on. You hid from the others and he told you for a long time about what had been happening all these days, about how he was dying every day or how someone else was dying. He saw the shock on your face. Perhaps if he had told you about it on the first day of your acquaintance, you would not have believed him, but now that you yourself have lived the same day many times, you would have believed anything, and his words about restarting the day seemed the least nonsense of all that you managed to come up with while trying understand what's going on

He wanted to do everything right, so he tried to make sure that he and the others stayed alive, but it was difficult to do it alone, so you offered him your help. Maybe then you could start living the next day. You spent almost the whole day making a plan that would help you save everyone. You repeated everything several times and you remembered what you had to do to help him. You had a really difficult day waiting for you, in which you were going to save everyone. For both of you, the day began with the hope that this would be the last time it happened again and that now, there was only a way forward for you

You both didn't behave as usual. You worked together, changing the events of the day more and more. Together, you were able to finally end the day and when you went outside, you couldn't contain your emotions and hugged him tightly. It may have seemed strange to others who didn't know what you were going through, but you both knew how much effort it took for you to end this day. But now you have finally made sure that everything was right, that everyone was alive, at least those who were not connected with the experiments and other strange things that you managed to encounter. A new day was waiting for you very soon, but the expectation of this was not so terrible, because you knew that even if you get stuck in a time loop again, you will be there and will be able to help each other again

Kidd was glad that he finally had someone who could share his burden with him. He was sure that even years later, when you both get older, you will be next to each other. You didn't know why you remembered things that others forgot, but for you, as well as for him, it was a heavy burden, and you could share it between the two of you. Together, you could continue to cope, even if each time the time loops would only become more confusing and complicated than before

#Kidd #Kidd x Reader #Kindergarten #Kindergarten x Reader #Kindergarten headcanons #Kindergarten game #Kindergarten game x Reader #Kindergarten game headcanons #Kindergarten 2 #Kindergarten 2 x Reader #Kindergarten 2 headcanons #Kindergarten 3 #Kindergarten 3 x Reader #Kindergarten 3 headcanons

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lilac-rose-writes · 8 months ago

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felozzy headcanons i made for the lovely @rainrayne

ozzy teaches felix how to cook. felix is used to being waited on, but ozzy's not his servant, he's his partner. felix is determined that as partners, they should be equal. ozzy stops them every couple of minutes to rewash his hands, he does not like touching dough. felix nearly floods the kitchen bc he's never been taught how to wash up. they spill flour everywhere and while both r grumpy about the mess, it does get them to laugh <333

ozzy owns so many awful horrible scratchy jumpers. felix insists that they r the most horrendous thing on earth and takes him shopping with an unlimited budget. both of their fashion tastes are AWFUL. felix ends up realising they both deserve to be comfortable in what they each enjoy, and while he hates ozzy's ugly jumpers, they're a part of ozzy and he does love ozzy. every christmas ozzy manages to convince felix to spend an entire day wearing one. they always have slogans on like "have a tree-mendous christmas" with a blob vaguely reminiscent of a christmas tree underneath

they celebrate felix's birthday together and it's so different than what he's used to. while felix has always been the centre of attention, he's still had to share every celebration with ted, just as he's had to share everything else. ozzy buys him cheap but sentimental presents, and felix can't quite understand why they mean so much more to him when they're worth so much less financially :]]

after kid & ted kill ozzy in hitman's potty guard, felix struggles to feel much of anything at all. he tries to see it as an inconvenience, just a minor hiccup. but ozzy's death is his fault, and he can't stop thinking about how differently everything could have gone. desperately, he tries to shift the blame onto ted, because everything bad is supposed to be teddy's fault, so why not this too? ted was the one with the plan, ted was the one who followed through. felix was just,, the one who planted the idea in his head. it's not his fault. it's teddy's. he thinks killing ted the next day will solve his guilt & give ozzy retribution. all it does it take away the only other person who still cared about him <333

#ray u are the pioneer of this ship #thank u for opening my eyes <3 #felozzy #felix kindergarten #kindergarten felix #kindergarten ozzy #ozzy kindergarten #fandom ships #kindergarten headcanons #kindergarten ship #kindergarten ted #kindergarten kid #kindergarten game #kindergarten 2

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devilish-cherry · 12 days ago

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ᨳ♡₊➳ jujutsu kaisen x reader

ᨳ♡₊➳ crack with plot

"You hate your job. The pay is bad, your manager is worse, and customers are somehow both entitled and clueless. Just as you finish contemplating whether unpaid breaks are a human rights violation, weird new people keep showing up to the café. They all seem to know each other. Sometimes they talk in cryptic phrases. What the hell is this domain and why do they want to expand it? One time, a man with stitches on his forehead walked in, made prolonged eye contact with you, and then left without ordering anything. You’re pretty sure he was a serial killer. Another time, the one with white hair and sunglasses indoors mentioned a "higher mission", and you’re 90% sure this is how cult documentaries start. One of your regulars only speaks in weird food-related phrases. You assume he has some kind of medical condition, but no one explains anything to you. But you are not about to ask questions, because ignorance is bliss and also job security. And unfortunately, they are all weird and they seem very interested in coming back."

꒰ masterlist ꒱ ₊⊹. ꒰ chapter 3 ꒱ ₊⊹. ꒰ chapter 5 ꒱

ᨳ♡₊➳ or read on archive of our own!

ᨳ♡₊➳ a/n: nanami lovers come get y'alls food

screaming and crying rn thank you all SO much for the wonderful feedback oh my god 😭🫶 i really do appreciate them so much and they really motivate me!! 🥹❤️ i got my tumblr properly set up now and if you wanna ask me any questions about this story or send any of your thoughts, headcanons, etc. i'd love to hear them!!

You could tell it was going to be a bad day the moment Greg the Manager said, "You got this!" before immediately disappearing into the back to not help you.

Greg had a habit of vanishing like a mirage whenever actual labor was required. If someone spilled an entire oat milk latte on the floor? Greg was gone. If a customer started a full-blown argument about why they should get free refills on an espresso shot? Greg had already ascended to another plane of existence. You were convinced that if the café ever caught fire, Greg’s survival instincts would have him teleporting to another country before the flames even reached the register.

Which meant that during the morning rush, when three separate customers decided to be human disasters at the exact same time, you were on your own.

Disaster #1: A guy aggressively insisted that his cappuccino did not have enough foam, despite the fact that it was all foam. You showed him. He stared at it like it had personally betrayed him. Then he said, “No, but like… more.” You fantasized about launching him into the sun.

Disaster #2: Some finance bro tried to pay with crypto. Just held up his phone with a QR code and said, “Do you guys take Ethereum?” You had to explain, with the patience of a kindergarten teacher, no, you do not take Ethereum, that this was just a café.

Disaster #3: An elderly woman came in and asked for “Just a plain coffee, dear.” You gave her a plain coffee. She stared at it in disgust and asked, “Where’s the hazelnut, the cream, the froth, the caramel?” You reminded her she asked for plain coffee. She gasped in betrayal, like you had taken her firstborn child.

It was too early for this. You were suffering.

Then when the morning rush finally slowed, and you had approximately thirty seconds to consider faking your own death, the bell jingled.

You turned, sighed, and mentally braced yourself.

Standing in the doorway, looking like he already regretted every decision that had led him here, was Kento Nanami.

Now, normally, you wouldn’t fear a customer. But Nanami wasn’t just any customer.

Nanami was a man with standards.

He stepped inside with the slow, deliberate movements of a man stepping into enemy territory. His eyes scanned the café—taking in the flickering light in the corner, the questionably sticky floor, the espresso machine currently making noises like R2-D2 in distress.

You watched as his jaw visibly clenched. Then, with the air of a man mentally calculating the exact moment his soul left his body, he turned to you and said, flatly:

“…Coffee.”

His tone carried the weight of a thousand disappointments.

You gave him a tight-lipped smile, already reaching for a cup. “What kind?”

“The kind that keeps me from quitting my job.”

"Ah. Great choice."

You started his order, because Nanami seemed like the kind of man who would sue you if you took too long.

As you worked, you could feel him watching you in the way someone watches a building slowly collapse, calculating how much money it’ll take to fix it. You glanced up and, yep. There he was, observing your entire workplace with the deep, profound disappointment of a man who once believed in something.

“…Is this place even up to health code?” he asked, voice heavy with the kind of exhaustion that only corporate life could instill.

You shrugged. “Depends. Does emotional trauma count as a contaminant?”

Nanami inhaled sharply. Like he had so many follow-up questions, but he already knew the answers would only bring him pain

He rubbed his temples. “How long have you worked here?”

“Too long.”

You rang up the order, but before you could say the total, Nanami narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, gaze snapping to the handwritten tip jar sitting next to the register.

You had labeled it “THERAPY FUND (I Need It).”

Nanami stared at it.

Then, very slowly, he turned back to you.

“Barista,” he said, voice as grave as if he were delivering a eulogy. “Are you underpaid?”

Oh no.

You had expected at least a few minutes of polite small talk before things derailed into an existential crisis. But no. Nanami had walked in, assessed your suffering, and decided that labor rights violations were the only thing worth discussing today.

See, here’s the thing: Nanami was not the kind of customer you wanted asking this question.

Most people just laughed when they saw the tip jar. Some customers tossed in a few coins. Gojo once put in Monopoly money just to be annoying.

But Nanami?

Nanami had stopped functioning. He was just standing there, staring at you like this was a personal attack on his fundamental values.

"I mean…" You glanced toward Greg the Manager, who was still pretending to be useful. "I'm paid exactly what Greg thinks I'm worth."

Nanami followed your gaze. His expression darkened. His head then slowly turned toward Greg the Manager.

Greg the Manager, sensing a disturbance in the force, looked up, and gave him a lazy thumbs-up. “What’s up, man?”

"You are a terrible employer," Nanami stated calmly.

Greg the Manager blinked. "Huh?"

Without breaking eye contact, Nanami asked, "Are you even qualified to be a manager?"

Greg the Manager grinned and shrugged. “Dude, I got promoted because the last manager quit in the middle of a shift. Left a note that just said ‘don’t let the void consume you.’”

"Increase their pay. Immediately," Nanami ordered, taking a slow, deliberate sip of his coffee like this was an organized coup.

Greg the Manager looked at you. Then at Nanami. Then at Candy Crush on his phone, like he was experiencing a full-blown existential crisis.

Finally, after what was possibly the longest pause in managerial history, he sighed and said, "We don’t have the budget for that."

Nanami closed his eyes. Like he was counting to ten so he didn’t commit a crime.

"I see," he said, calm but deadly.

You, deeply entertained but also slightly terrified, just leaned on the counter. "Yeah, I kinda figured that was gonna be the answer."

“Do you need me to unionize this café for you?” he asked, completely serious.

You choked.

“Wh—what?”

Nanami took off his blazer.

Oh god. Oh no. Oh absolutely not.

“I could do it,” he continued, rolling up his sleeves like he was about to commit a felony in the name of labor justice. “It wouldn’t be difficult.”

“No, no, no,” you said quickly, waving your hands in surrender. “I need this job. And more importantly, I need Greg to not fire me for trying to overthrow the capitalist machine during an unpaid break.”

Nanami narrowed his eyes.

“So you don’t even get paid for your breaks?”

You realized too late that you had given him more ammunition.

He put down his coffee and walked around the counter.

Fifteen minutes later…

Despite your best efforts to defuse the situation, Nanami refused to leave. Instead, he took it upon himself to observe the café.

"Uh," you said, watching as Nanami surveyed the espresso machine like a general strategizing a war. "What are you doing?"

"Fixing things," he replied.

And then. He started working.

Like, full-on working.

Nanami had entirely taken over.

He was managing the café now.

Not because anyone had asked him to, but because he simply could not stand the inefficiency.

He organized the supply shelves.

He rewrote the entire employee schedule in under five minutes.

Greg was banned from touching anything mechanical.

He timed how long it took for Greg to actually respond to an employee’s request. (Four and a half minutes. Greg was playing a very intense round of Candy Crush.)

He watched you make drinks without proper training, without proper equipment, and without proper will to live then helped you.

And the best part?

Customers actually listened to him.

At one point, a woman tried to use an expired coupon.

Nanami just looked at her.

And she left without arguing.

You had never seen anything like it.

By the time your shift neared its end, the café had never been more efficient. The line moved quickly, orders were accurate, and for the first time in forever, you weren’t experiencing an existential crisis every five minutes.

Nanami took a slow sip of his coffee. Nodded, approving.

“This could be a functional workplace,” he remarked.

Greg the Manager, completely baffled, finally found his voice.

"Uh," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "Do you… do you wanna work here?"

Nanami, in the most disgusted tone you had ever heard, responded with a flat:

"I would rather be hit by a bus."

He grabbed his coffee and headed towards the exit.

Fair.

And before he walked out, Nanami paused at the door, turned back, and said, completely seriously, with the voice of a man who had seen the horrors of corporate greed firsthand and was deeply, profoundly upset that you were willingly suffering through them—

“You deserve better than this place.”

And then he left.

Greg the Manager whistled. “Damn. Do you know if he's single?"

A few days later, your shift had started like any other mind-numbingly average shift.

You were in the middle of contemplating whether or not you could legally refuse service to people who ordered drinks with more adjectives than actual ingredients when you felt it. A sudden disturbance in the atmosphere.

It wasn’t anything obvious, but something about the café suddenly felt... wrong.

The espresso machine sputtered ominously, the fluorescent lights flickered just once, and the muffin guy in the corner finally looked away from his muffin, like even he could sense the disturbance in the air.

The door swung open with all the grace of a police raid.

It was Yuji. Sweet, cheerful, golden retriever in human form Yuji, who usually bounced into the café like he was the protagonist of a slice-of-life anime. But today?

Today, Yuji slinked in like he was some kind of villain in a psychological thriller. His whole posture had shifted—his shoulders squared, his head held high, a smug smirk tugging at his lips like he’d just orchestrated the downfall of a small nation.

Today, something was deeply wrong with Yuji Itadori.

Yuji Itadori, the human embodiment of sunshine, had walked in looking like he had just finished his villain arc.

The first thing you noticed was the grin. It wasn’t friendly. It wasn’t normal. It was sharp and smug, like he knew things you didn’t. It practically screamed, I would gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss if given the chance.

You blinked at him.

Then you blinked harder.

Because Yuji, your number-one most harmless customer, now had face tattoos.

And red contacts.

And some kind of makeup that made it look like he had four eyes.

What in the Spirit Halloween was this?

“…Uh. You good?” you asked, hesitant.

Yuji (?) grinned at you, and you immediately regretted all your life choices.

“Barista,” he said, his voice deeper, richer, like the audio settings had been cranked to "Villain Monologue."

“...Yes?”

Yuji (??) tilted his head, watching you with an expression that was just this side of amused. “What pitiful existence is this? Shackled to the whims of labor, toiling away for mere scraps. Your suffering is profound, lowly peasant."

…Huh.

Okay. That was new.

You blinked, internally processing the fact that someone had just called you a lowly peasant in real life. You had encountered a lot of weird customers, but never one who spoke like a Final Boss trying to recruit you to the dark side.

“…You want a drink?” you asked, deadpan.

Yuji (???) tilted his head, smirking. Then, with the audacity of someone who had never experienced the horrors of customer service, he said: “Ah, you are not as foolish as you look. Give me a black coffee."

Wow. Okay. Somebody thinks they’re edgy.

For a second, you considered saying just that, but decided against it, because rent existed and so did unemployment. Instead, you just nodded like the underpaid, overworked soldier you were.

“Sure. One black coffee.”

You had seen a lot of weird things working here, but this? This was a new level of concerning.

The face tattoos, paired with the weird four eyes effect (which you assumed had to be some next-level Halloween makeup), it made him look like he was either an anime villain or a kid who got way too into Hot Topic in 2009. And the way he was looking at you? Like he was already planning your demise? Like he was debating whether he wanted to drink his coffee or use it to summon a demonic entity?

You knew exactly what this was.

Yuji had an alter ego.

And apparently not a fun alter ego, like a guy who only comes out on weekends to party. No, this was a full-blown anime villain alter ego. One that absolutely vaped in the school bathroom and got into fights over stupid things like “who looked at me wrong.”

You didn’t get paid enough for this.

"Make it strong," he sneered.

You stared at him. "Wouldn’t dream of making it weak."

Yeah. You were deeply, deeply concerned.

But, like all things in this job, you simply ignored it and did your job. Because you did not get paid enough to ask questions. With your usual efficiency, you made the black coffee, because unfortunately, that was your job, and placed it in front of him. “Enjoy.”

Yuji eyed the coffee cup like it had personally offended him, then looked at you. “You dare serve me coffee in such a humble vessel?”

You looked at the cup. Then back at him. “You want a goblet or something?”

He smirked. “Ah, you do have some wit.”

You didn’t like how pleased he sounded. He picked it up, and took a slow sip. Then, ever so slightly, his eyes narrowed. His upper lip curled.

“…What the hell is this?” he muttered.

“Black coffee,” you said flatly. “Like you asked for.”

Yuji made a noise of profound offense. “It is bitter.”

Your deadpan stare could have melted steel. “Yes. That’s what black coffee is.”

Yuji clicked his tongue in distaste. “This is an insult.” He shoved the cup back at you like you had personally wronged him. “Remedy this.”

You sighed. “Okay. How about I just add sugar?”

Yuji considered this. Then, begrudgingly, he nodded. “Very well. But do not disgrace my drink.”

You poured in exactly one sugar packet, stirred it, and handed it back. He took another sip—

And then narrowed his eyes, looking at you like you had just personally surprised him. His eyes flickered, as if waging a silent internal war. You swore you saw his jaw tense.

Then, after a very long pause, he muttered, “…Acceptable.”

“Uh. Thanks?”

Before you could even process the fact that you had somehow earned the approval of whatever persona Yuji was currently cosplaying, he turned—and proceeded to roast every single customer in the café. He leaned back against the counter, looking around the café with the slow, deliberate assessment of a man who had already decided he was better than everyone here.

Then, with the confidence of a man who believed himself to be a god, he sneered, “This place is full of idiots.”

Okay. Wow.

You stood there, watching as he proceeded to roast every single customer in the café like it was his divine right.

“That weakling in the corner?” He jerked his thumb toward some poor college student trying to write an essay. “His posture is absolutely pathetic.”

The innocent college student looked up, deeply confused and a bit hurt.

Then he turned to some girl at a table near the window. She looked up, mid-sip of her drink, just in time for him to smirk and say, “You look like you order matcha lattes.”

She gasped in pure horror as if he had personally insulted her entire bloodline.

He sneered at an elderly woman. “Trembling hands, weak posture… You are but a breath away from oblivion, hag.”

Oh my God.

She just smiled at him. “Oh, you kids and your funny little jokes!”

He blinked. Then scoffed and turned away, muttering something about "insufferable fools" under his breath.

At this point, you were begging someone to explain what the hell was happening.

You should stop this. You should stop this.

…But you were also kind of invested.

“Oh look,” he sneered, eyes landing on Greg the Manager, who had been doing nothing as usual. “A man who’s mastered the ancient art of pretending to work.”

Okay, well. That one was fair.

And then he set his sights on the espresso machine.

The espresso machine, naturally, took that moment to emit a guttural, otherworldly groan—one that sounded less like it was brewing coffee and more like it was summoning a demon from the seventh circle of hell.

He stared at it. It hissed.

You swore he narrowed his eyes like he was assessing a battlefield opponent. Then, after a long pause, he let out a dark chuckle.

“…This machine is cursed beyond mortal comprehension.”

You stared at him. "You done?"

He exhaled, clearly unimpressed by the café and everything in it. "For now."

Then, without another word, he turned and walked out the door, exuding the kind of ominous aura that suggested he was about to go stand on a rooftop somewhere and monologue about the nature of existence.

Wonderful. You loved your job.

The café was silent and then, minutes later—

The door slammed open.

Yuji rushed in, breathless, frantic, eyes wide with panic. He looked deeply horrified. He looked like a man who had just woken up from a fugue state and realized he had committed multiple felonies.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, hands on his knees, like he had just sprinted a marathon, and looking at you with absolute devastation. “I— I am so sorry— please, please don’t ban me—”

“...What the hell was that?” you asked, even though, frankly, you didn’t actually want the answer.

Yuji laughed nervously. “Uh. Would you believe me if I said ‘don’t worry about it’?”

“No.”

“Cool! Because, uh, I really can’t explain.”

You stared at him. He stared back.

Then, very slowly, you reached for a rag and began aggressively wiping down the counter.

“Alright,” you muttered. “Not my problem.”

“Wait, seriously? You’re just gonna ignore this?”

“Yuji, I have seen so many things at this job that I actively choose to ignore,” you said flatly. “This is just another one.”

Yuji looked like he wanted to argue. Then he sighed, shoulders slumping. “Yeah, okay. That’s fair.”

Unfortunately for you, this wasn’t the last time it happened.

Because 'Sukuna'—as you’d overheard Yuji frantically whispering to himself—returned.

Twice.

In one week.

You were growing concerned.

The first time, he strutted in like a menace, demanded another black coffee, insulted two customers, and then dipped like he had better things to do.

The second time, he walked in, took one look at Greg the Manager, and muttered, "This establishment is doomed."

Honestly? Hard to argue.

₊⊹. tag list: @alpha-mommy69

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #nanami x reader #sukuna x reader #choso x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #toji x reader #shiu x reader #higuruma x reader #naoya x reader #mahito x reader #kenjaku x reader

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