#Kevin is the Messi in exy

[crazy-fangirl2524]

Reading aftg makes me think maybe all those football fans aren’t crazy because I will do all those things and more for exy too

[floweriers]

pretty boy (the shirt is jean's ofc)

[broken-heart-raven-queen]

Kevin probably has Messi's phone number.

Do with that knowledge what you like.

[feelingthedisaster]

AFTG X SCALONETA AU, ANYONE??????

[void-and-virtue]

OP I LOVED UR ANDREIL POST GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT IT if you have anything else in that amazing brain of yours on this take please do share because i absolutely LOVED how you articulated this aspect about andreil. its something i particularily appreciate about their dynamic and relationship with anger and Their Issues TM. your post will cross my mind whenever ill think about it from now on.

I don’t think I have ever gotten an ask and this is kind of making me go insane??? I hope you know that you made my day and also, I’m so glad people share in my endless brainrot bc when it comes to this series and these characters I simply cannot stop

It really isn’t nearly talked about enough that the thing that got Andrew to actually look at Neil and become interested was (as cited by Neil himself at some point tho I can’t remember in which book that scene is from the top of my head) Neil’s bone-deep jealousy of Kevin. It’s—it ties into that whole epiphany that Neil has at some point, when he looks at Andrew and realizes that while he is hurtling towards his own breaking point and about to burn out and shatter into something he’s not sure he’d recognize if he survived the encounter, Andrew hit that point and broke from it years ago. And that’s an understanding that goes both ways between them—in a fucked up way, it feels like Andrew might be the future that Neil has waiting for him if he doesn’t end the year six feet under: hollow and drifting, passionless after everything he had to rip away from himself to be able to survive. At the same time, Neil probably reminds Andrew of how he used to be, back when he had hope for things only to have that hope rip him apart—which is exactly where Neil seems to be headed for the majority of the story.

I think that a lot of Andrew’s understanding of Neil comes from the fact that he knows intimately what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place and cut his own lifeline, only to then fail to die on impact. Neil hasn’t had to resort to that yet, but he is hanging by a thread. You’d think that watching him struggle would only serve to drive it home for Andrew that he made the right choice in closing himself off, except… well. His expectations of life and the people in it are so bleak, it’s no wonder he finds himself drawn to Neil’s messy emotions and every unexpected show of spine like a moth to a flame.

Neil, for all of his issues and scars, can still feel things—can still want something so badly it defies all logic. Can want something with such visceral, fucked-up intensity that it resonates where it shouldn’t. It’s an ability that Andrew thinks he’s either lost or cut out of himself to stay somewhat safe, sane and alive a long time ago, but that remains as the most fundamental crack in the foundation of his being. It’s a fascination that seems to come out every time he’s sober and eventually ties into him wanting Neil—wanting something worth wanting and putting a name to it once he finds it. They look at each other and don’t want a watered-down version of the person in front of them. It creates a relationship that embraces issues big and small and accepts (even values!) the messy parts of being human. It means that any space shared between them immediately becomes safe once they settle into something comfortable together. The way they handle the uglier sides of each other’s personality honestly makes me feral because it’s always done with understanding and acceptance and they even find positives or comforts there that the other can’t see and that’s probably a reason for why 1) their chemistry is so off the charts and 2) their relationship is so damn healthy (in addition to their communication being stupidly good when it comes to each other).

Andrew wants something real and Neil wants to be real. And then they get to have exactly that.

[maple-pies]

AFTG from a D1 perspective

As a D1 athlete from a sport where men and women practice and compete together (thought we are separate teams) here are my thoughts ;)

Whenever the Foxes travel and stay in hotels they have to share rooms (but if Wymack is going to drop the $$ for shower stalls they def don't have to share beds like my team does) but I wonder if they randomize the rooms?? lots of potential there...

(however, USC?? They're big enough that I can def seeing them have to share beds hahahaha)

training trip? do they go on training trip Nora I need to know! Lacrosse sometimes does, so maybe exy would idk... (they go to Florida or PR, Kevin gets hella burnt and Neil gets freckles end of story)

Lift?? They have to be lifting!! I know Aaron and Andrew are really into it and Nicky and Allison fight over the aux

there are days where everyone gets along (even people who hate each other) and there are days where everyones HATES each other (even the people who are best friends) it just happens

men are always puking during practice. Aaron personally gives me big barf boy energy (Nicky canonically yaks already lol)

periods. Having men and women practice together means the women don't GAF about talking about periods while the men stare at their shoes and pretend not to hear hahahha

Abby definitely gets pissed at Wymack and lift coach (they have to have one okay??) for working the foxes too hard, it's the trainer's job to get pissed at coaches okay

just NCAA violations in general. We have to do quizzes and shit to show we know the rules we can't break/rules the school and coach have to follow. (I could make a whole separate post about all the NCAA violations broken haha)

this is no way saying aftg is inaccurate, it just means they didn't ever get caught which checks out

speaking of which, whenever Aaron get's pissed he definitely is like "And we went over 20 hours last week!! I could just report them!!" to Katelyn and she calms him down

Interactions with other teams/greek life. I know there have to be some mixers/athlete events, if not the Foxes then the Trojans for sure.

complaining about dining hall food, I know Kevin's pissed about seed oils or lack of protein, something stupid like that

hookups within the team. okay the Foxes are small, but that just makes it more messy. the trojans have insane teamcest I just know it. (being coed means even more hookups than normal) . cute relationship sex, hate sex, random sex between people you would not believe (i def don't know this from first hand experience what....)

I'm so excited for TSC because we get so see how a "normal" Exy team behaves (I put normal in quotations bc ppl need to understand that D1 athletes, esp ones on a team as good as USC, are definitely not normal people ahahha)

this is definitely just part 1

[ninyard]

how do you think jean would be post tsc duology with his sexuality with jeremy like i feel like he’s been put into this submissive role at the nest but idk if that was something he enjoyed

Oh you’ve opened a can of worms anon. Here’s a not so short but typically messy, as per usual, look into Jean’s sexuality.

Firstly, I think there are a million different nuances and anomaly’s and sides to Jean’s sexuality. Jean Moreau: whose first girlfriend was a plane ticket to the United States. We don’t know much about his childhood, but we can only imagine it wasn’t pleasant; If he’s anything like Neil, did he date at all as a kid/young teen?

So - let’s picture it. We’re a little while into Jean’s time with the Trojans, we're a little while into Jean and Jeremy figuring each other out, and the sex conversations comes up.

Now, personally, I don't believe that Jean's response to his trauma is anything like Andrew's - we've seen he doesn't seem to have an issue being touched, and nor does he seem to have an issue with sexuality in general. But things that I believe he does have a problem with?

His sexuality, and knowing what he wants vs what he believes is expected of him.

I think Jean has an incredible amount of shame around his interest in men. Most of it having been beaten into him, instilled by Riko into him. I think his gut response to pull away and reject advances and pretend his interest in men doesn't exist comes mostly from that, or from hearing Kevin say to him that it was far too difficult a life to be the child of a legacy and interested in men. How the public would react, how professional exy teams and the media would respond; it's always easier to be heterosexual. It always has been.

The first hurdle Jean has to jump over is that; allowing himself to desire men, to feel like that is okay, to feel like he deserves the way that Jeremy looks at him. The Trojans help, far more than they even know. Cat and Laila help. All of the queer couples and out-and-proud folks on the team help. Immeasurably. It normalises it for him, and he sees how safe they are, how unpunished they are, and whether its subconscious or not, being around them all really helps destroy his bone-deep shame. But he gets past it. At some stage he admits that his sexuality is unimportant to him, as it truly is, but he feels comfortable enough say well, yes, his attraction does also extend to men. It will never be more important that Exy. But it exists. It just eventually becomes a far smaller deal to him that it had originally been.

Skip some time, some awkward and painful conversations, and Jean and Jeremy are together. How that happens, I don't know - do they hook up first? Do they date for a while before they get there? But, when they get there, there comes this point a handful of times in where Jeremy realises he has been leading their encounters a whole lot more than Jean is. In fact, when he thinks about it, as comfortable as Jean insists that he is, he is not in control at all. He follows Jeremy's lead. Jeremy thinks about Kevin's awkward comment the day he was asked to sign Jean.

"Tell me what you want." Jeremy says, having thought too much about it, having wondered if he was imagining things.

"You," Jean responds, maybe. "That is all."

Jeremy sits back and he looks at him, and Jean looks back with that gorgeous and confused look draped across his pale complexion. Somehow they talk for a little while, and find themselves at the point:

Is this how you actually want to have sex, or is it just how you think I want you to have sex?

And Jean doesn't know. It's the question that sends him spiralling, because he hasn't even realised it. He hasn't noticed how he is simply complacent, uninvested in his own desires and pleasure in order to keep Jeremy happy. It's not that he doesn't get pleasure from it, of course he does, but he will not take a step out of line if Jeremy is happy. I think he might have to stop for a while, stepping back from sex while he tries to understand his relationship with sex itself. He's too used to being used and having expectations put on him that he knows no different. He doesn't know what he likes. He doesn't know if he prefers to top or bottom, to be submissive or dominant, or any other thing like that; it's a no-mans land that he's spent far too long people-pleasing in that he's forgotten that he's allowed to enjoy it as well. So I think that takes a lot of time and unlearning to see his own pleasure as something worthy of investigating.

Jeremy is patient, of course, and while he sees how much of a "step back" Jean has taken in terms of being okay with sex, it's worth it; sure, Jean never much had a problem with it, and maybe bringing it up caused a problem, but it sparks that thought in Jean's brain. That curiosity about whether or not the role that he plays during sex has been built by the nest, or if it's what he genuinely likes to do. As I say, it takes a lot of unlearning for Jean. A lot of unpacking of what happened to him, and a lot of really, really hard conversations.

His body is his own, and he knows that now. It does not belong to Jeremy. Again, not that Jeremy thinks so either, to be very clear. He knows Jeremy doesn't think so. Not one bit. But he has to understand that himself. He doesn't have to read Jeremy's micro expressions to figure out what he wants him to do, he doesn't have to just keep him happy. Intimacy can only exist in an environment where it is reciprocated. And while he cares deeply for Jeremy, if he is ignoring his own desires in order to maintain peace, he is not being genuine. He is simply submitting because that's the only option he's known. That's the only choice he's ever had.

I think Jean loves sex - I think Jean really, really enjoys having sex with Jeremy. I just think it's also evident quite quickly that he isn't even thinking about how he affords Jeremy all of the control in every scenario. Jean is submissive because that's all he knows. And I feel like it takes a while and a lot of talking for him to leave that habit behind and freely, unashamedly, fuck without expectation for him to be a certain way or act a certain way. That doesn't mean he has to be a top or a bottom. It does mean that he has to stop himself from studying every twitch and tell on Jeremy's face to try understand completely what the Captain expects of him.

[awildtei]

people who think kevaaron are boring just don't get it i'm afraid. like:

imagine you are the best at what you do and everyone worships you and/or uses you as their focal point in life and/or projects so hard onto you that you're not sure who you are when you're alone... except for this one guy. this one guy has seen you at your worst, drunk and messy and crying and throwing up and panicking and feeling sorry for yourself. he's seen you at your bitchiest and most insufferable. he knows exactly how broken you are. and all along he's rolled his eyes at you and been like 'this asshole? really? this is the guy everyone is always tripping over themselves to impress/save/psychologically torture? he's Just Some Dude (derogatory)... could never be me.' he doesn't idolize you. he thinks you being the best at exy is, like, at most fifth on the list of most interesting things about you. he lets you talk about history and actually listens. he doesn't think you're pathetic for grieving your abuser. he looks at you and sees you. nothing more. (nothing less). when you get closer it's because he's interested in you (kevin) and not You (Kevin Day). when he falls in love with you there are no expectations to fail to meet because he. knows. you. all of you. and somehow wants you anyway.

and imagine you have been 'the less interesting twin' since you found out you were a twin at all. no one sees you, no one cares. you're filled with anger and resentment and keep being told you're in the wrong for feeling that way. that you should let it go and move on. your abuse pales in comparison to that of the people around you, and as such is dismissed and forgotten. you want to be someone so badly you are killing yourself in the process. you are not talented like your brother and you don't have his memory but you have this. your two hands. your hard work. a need so profound to amount to something that it keeps you going even though you're exhausted all. the. time. and no one cares... except for this one guy. he chews you out on the court but admires and respects how much effort you put into everything you do. he doesn't think you're weak for needing your weekly dose of dust. he doesn't think your ambition is silly or pointless. he doesn't think you're stupid for grieving your abuser. when you get closer it's not because you're the less compelling half of a fascinating whole. it's because he finds you interesting all on your own. he looks at you and sees you. nothing more. (nothing less). he doesn't flinch at your sharp edges. he calls you an asshole but smiles like it's a compliment. when he falls in love with you it's not with a softer, more talented, more palatable version of you. it's with you (aaron) and not you ('the normal one') because he. knows. you. all of you. and somehow wants you anyway.

[kevinsdsy]

I don’t mean to sound negative but why do you ship kevaaron? I’m only asking because I never have considered them together and I want to know if I need to get on that train 👀

honestly when i first read the books i didn’t even consider them as a ship ((i was CONVINVED kevin would be a thing with either andrew or neil at first SHDKDHDJ)) but then i finished the series and i saw people mention kevaaron and i was just soooo moved ntm these parts from tfc

“aaron’s watching [kevin]” and them playing video games lives in my mind rent free fr like they’re just so normal (casual) together and if y’all couldn’t tell by my socmed au i loovveee when there’s a normal dynamic within all their messy lives to keep them grounded idk

and this is so silly but they remind me of perciver (rareship percy weasley and oliver wood my beloved) like kevin already reminds me of oliver wood but kevin’s obsession with exy and aaron’s determination for his future job but still enjoying each other’s companies and being roommates I’M JUST SOOOO MOVED

[deeppenguinstudent]

"When's your roommate getting here?" Neil saw Jean adjust his hair as he gazed at his reflection on his phone's flipped camera.

"I don't know, Kev basically lives on the court," Neil grumbled as he rested his head against the armrest of the couch, "I would have followed him if I wasn't tasked with showing you around campus."

Jean rolled his eyes before he made his way to the couch and gently lifted up Neil's stretched out legs before sliding beneath them, "No, your coach banned you from playing because your headstrong personality earned you a fractured heel."

As if to prove his point, Jean pinched his heel that made Neil let out a yelp before glaring at him.

"Whatever, wait, why do you care about Kev anyways?" Neil raised his eyebrows accusingly.

Jean huffed as he lounged further into the cushions of the couch as if it could swallow him whole. "Apparently, my roommates a huge asshole; messy, wakes up at erratic hours and ants crawl all over his apartment because he leaves stashes of sweets everywhere."

"Sounds like a huge asshole," Neil smirked at his friends despondent story, "Perfect, I think you'd get along just fine."

"Well, too bad I managed to convince the dorm directory to allow me to change my room." Jean scowled at Neil as his hands subconsciously started massaging the sore numbness the pain aching at the sole of Neil's foot. "All I need is for your roommate to sign a consent form, and I'll move my luggage right into his room."

"Good luck, Kev would rather die than live with some sugar crazed maniac."

"See, I was skeptical at first, but Catalina told me apparently both our roommates are practically joined at the hip outside of practice, so I'm placing my trust in her so your Kevin can suffer in my stead."

"I can't believe you're getting closer to the Trojans instead of the Foxes." Neil scorned in faux annoyance, trying to get a rise out of Jean. "After years of friendship, I guess it's true, it's always the ones you trust most in the end."

Before Jean could get a word in, both their heads snapped to the front door when it thudded open harshly. Jean cringed inwardly - he could see why Neil had always complained about Kevin's clambering attitude.

"Who's your friend?" Jean heard a breathy voice exhale as the jingling of the keychain attached to the dorm card clacked against the dining table.

"Jean Moreau, pleasure to- fuck."

Questioning green eyes scrutinised him further as he swore in French. He could feel his breath choke as he willed himself not to look at the punishing outline of Kevin's abs hidden beneath a white tank top.

"Why'd you take so long halfwit?" Neil jibed, and when Kevin's gaze tore away from Jean, he allowed himself to leer at the muscle that was framed sinfully perfect along his tank top.

Kevin sighed heavily, "I had to run to the damn court with no breaks since you didn't fucking wake me up for practice."

"How far is the court?" Jean side-glanced Neil, who was perplexed at his sudden interest in Exy.

"Around 4 miles."

Neil heard Jean swear under his breath again and furrowed his eyebrows at his abnormal behaviour.

A trilling sound emerged from Jean's phone as he groaned out a sound of displeasure. He really wanted to stay around the dorms, especially with the new appearance of Neil's hot roommate that would probably haunt his dreams for the next week or so. Alas, as Jean looked at the clock, he realised he would be embarrassingly late to one of his first classes of the semester if he didn't make a move as of this instant.

"Sorry, I was going to discuss the logistics of this but I'll have to make it quick since Mr Hollister will have my ass beat if I don't make it on time to my first class."

"You take history?" Kevin inquired as he now heeded Jean's form with interest.

"It's an extra subject," Jean avoided Kevin's intense stare as his heart picked up at his perusal, "My sister fawns over oldern text, but she can't speak English fluently as a child, so I had to translate it all in French for her. I guess it stuck with me thereafter."

Kevin nodded in understanding, but his expression morphed into a slight smile that Neil was sure he had never seen despite rooming with him for nearly a year.

"Anyways, Kev, so basically Jean was wondering whether you would susceptible for him to switch-"

Jean let out an indiginified shriek before abruptly clearing his throat and shooting an ardent glare at Neil.

"Since I'm new around here, Neil thought it would be best if I stayed with someone I was more familiar with," Jean paused before simpering slightly, "Obviously, I believe staying with Neil would be the best case but since he's injured, he suggested for me to take his place in this dorm until his heel is fully recovered."

Neil blinked in perplexion as Kevin nodded slowly in understanding, and Jean leisurely stood up before pocketing his phone.

"What- "

Before Neil could protest, Jean leaned down beside his ear and mumbled in low French.

"Please just do this for me. It is so unfair that you get such a hot roommate whom you barely talk about while I have to suffer with some crazed sugar rush maniac. It's just less than a month, I'll do anything."

"Come to my Exy game next week," Neil responded in French without missing a beat.

He felt Jean falter. Neil had been pestering for Jean to accompany him to an Exy game since they were children. The Frenchman always just sneered before belittling Neil for his unearthly infatuation for the stupid sport. Jean's hand squeezed his shoulder before placing a swift peck on his cheek and tilted his head to allow the red-haired boy to do the same.

"Then I'll be off. Don't strain your heel too much, Achilles. I'll be back in the evening to help you move. See you around Kevin," Jean slid on his shoes as he waved at the duo.

"You didn't even tell me who my roommate was!" Neil suddenly shouted, hoping to garner some reprieve by startling Jean.

"Andrew Minyard," Jean called out equally as loud.

Neil's teeth gritted as he sulked on the couch and pointedly ignored Kevin's stare. He had seen Andrew, but his standoffish demeanour made Matt promise Neil he would stay away from the blonde. Now he was walking in with his hands tied right into the jaws on the beast; just great.

[kiwiaok]

share ur thoughts on the perfect court? 👀

okay so maybe controversial opinion, but perfect court is actually just a sketchy kpop boyband in a trench coat

ya know, the kind of kpop group that has abusive management, a cult-like fanbase, mistreatment on daily basis, fucked up eating rules. the kind that doesn't pay their members, exploits them, doesn't give a fuck about their health, preys on their talents and dreams… you see where I’m going

on a more serious note though: I love perfect court. I love it bc they could achieve great things, bc it’s like a ridiculously overpowered final boss, I love it bc it’s messy and problematic and fascinating and bc it’s actually devastatingly sad if I let myself think about it

I think perfect court would bring out the worst in all of them, and I’d like to see it happen in the same way I’d like to know how it feels to get shot — mostly just hypothetically, morbidly curious and slightly guilty for thinking it in the first place

I don’t think jean would survive. I think kevin would bring riko’s attention to andrew and riko would “gift” andrew to kevin. I think kevin would realise some day that he ruined people’s lives with his passion for exy and his strive for perfection, and he would die one day full of grief and guilt. I think nathaniel would be cruel and bitter. I think andrew and nathaniel wouldn’t get together. I think none of them would ever know peace or be free

I think perfect court would be a lot like a collision of big, bright stars. it would be grand, and it would be gaudy, and it would end with total destruction. yet people would admire it all the same

[thehistorykev]

The Languages of Love by KevAaron

1. Words of Affirmation: Kevin always struggled to express his desires or feelings that weren't related to Exy. For Aaron, words were the first step towards an emotional security he had never experienced before. Katelyn, his now ex-girlfriend and best friend, taught him the power of words. Over time, Aaron learned to use them. Kevin struggled at first. The idea of verbalizing his feelings without it sounding like weakness was difficult; the words felt bitter, stuck in his throat. It wasn't until his relationship with Aaron that Kevin understood the importance of this. The first time Aaron told him how handsome he was, how intelligent and good he was for him, Kevin lit up like a lamp. Compliments weren't rare, but they always came with his image of Kevin on the court or his public persona. For Aaron, he was another kind of beauty and intelligence. Kevin was good just for being Kevin. So, the path he took to finally say every morning how adorable Aaron looked under the sleepy mist, with crumpled cheeks and messy hair forming an image Kevin wanted to keep forever, took time. Kevin loved him and would say it whenever he felt like it. Aaron was the best thing that ever happened to Kevin; Aaron loved him as if he were brand new. And that was more than Kevin could ever ask for.

[adamsrcnan]

How do you picture kevin in your head? I mean i see some boys on pinterest and i'm like oh that's kevin

hmmm tricky question bc i'm not sure i can describe it as well i can see it.

i wanna say he has like shortish messy hair jet black in colour (like mine hehe) he's got a very sharp jawline and idk i like the thought of him having a straight nose but ALSO those noses with a little ridge idk idk his eyes are a beautiful green like when the trees finally get their leaves in summer and they suck you right in. he has a five o'clock shadow if he gets a little lazy but he's pretty much always clean shaven. i like to imagine he needs reading glasses every now and then (idk how these things work) just the image of him in glasses kills me. i think he's very lanky and lean in canon but as he gets older he fills out very nicely but not too huge. he defo has a dorito chip build like huge shoulders that go on for days and small waist perfect for loving hands. he's very boyish and young when he smiles. he has a gummy smile like his lips lift so high you can see his gums and it's so cute and sweet. his eyes always crinkle at the corner when he smiles and he rarely laughs out loud but when he does it's the best sound like so booming and loud you wouldn't think it would come from him but it does. his hands are beautiful. his fingers thin and slender. veins along the backs and callouses on his palms hardened from gipping weights and his exy stick. he's very prim and proper so his hands are never dry but still a little rough. his nails are always trimmed. his adams apple is very prominent his eyebrows are just naturally perfect (he's so annoying). he never slumps in his seat and he's very graceful when he moves no matter what he does even when he's panicking it looks very practiced ... and i just realised i got insanely carried away so i will stop there but yeah. does this answer your question? 🥹

[thefoxholecast]

Hey Nate and Oona, I listened to the first two episodes and loved them, I don’t know if you’ve covered this yet:

I would love to hear your thoughts on Wymack’s and Kayleigh’s age difference. With the second side story on the Rainbow Crate special editions we learn that Wymack was willing to marry her and disappointed that Kevin wasn’t his. We know that Kevin is 20 in 2006, and that Exy is 30 years old, also that Kayleigh and Tetsuji created it as a college project back in Japan when they were around 19. We also know that Wymack is at the most 42. So he would’ve been around 22-23 when Kevin was born.

We also know that Wymack and Kayleigh met when she ALREADY was teaching it. Exy is around 10 years older than Kevin, which means that Kayleigh was almost 30 when she had him. So that age difference, and Kayleigh refusing to tell Wymack that Kev was his makes me wonder what are your thoughts on her actions? To me, she was way to grown to be acting that messy.

First of all, thank you for listening to the pod and for sending in this ask!

Second of all, we have NOT yet talked about Wymack and Kayleigh's age difference! We didn't even realize there was one! We had just assumed they were around the same age.

Unfortunately, after I (Oona) sent a screenshot of this ask to Nate, we did not have what you'd call an "intelligent" "discussion" about the Wymackayleigh (Daviday?) age gap lmao

[foxufortunes]

Hang on I'm having a Kevin Defender moment. Like I know the Kevin and Jean and the Nest situation is pretty polarising for a lot of people, but I do think we're kind of too harsh on Kevin about it sometimes. Like, you it's a bit weird that was never hear of how close he and Jean were in the Nest, but then you can rationalise that by saying a lot of Kevin's really harsh recovery (the "omg what have I do let me go back I need to go back and save Jean" period) was likely done off screen pre-Neil. And then, pre-Neil goes to the Nest, Neil wasn't actually that friendly with the Monsters. Most of what we hear of Kevin and the Ravens isn't from Kevin, it's from people like Nicky and Wymack. And let's be real, Neil probably wouldn't have cared even if he had been told about Jean, the boy's mind is very focused and Jean is not one of the things it's focused on. So that can all sorta be made sense of.

But then you've got TSC and the EC and what went down. And this is framed from Jean's pov so of course he's hurt. Kevin used him as a distraction to get out of the Nest in a desperate situation and because he revealed the secret of their both knowing French, and this put Jean in a worse position. Sure, but Kevin was begging to be helped. He was being beaten within an inch of his life and bones broken and his one reason for living destroyed. And maybe I read wrong or missed something, but Jean didn't help him. He tried to fix him up after sure, but he didn't help him. And, while it's fine to say that Jean couldn't step in because then he'd be beaten, why then think that Kevin shouldn't be any less selfish? His "if you ever cared about me, distract him" (I can't remember the exact quote off the top of my head) could just have easily been "you didn't help me when he broke my hand, so do it now". Because, let's be real, the books are very clear on this, if Kevin didn't leave the Nest, he would be dead by now. Exy is his only reason for living as much as it is Riko's. Without it, he wouldn't have survived. And that's not to say Jean doesn't have the right to be bitter and hurt by Kevin's actions, (these are two hurt, abused boys, they're going to be messy and angry as much as people like Andrew are messy and angry just in a different way) but that for a fandom who loves to insist their narrators are unreliable you sure do rely on them and take their view of things as true and accurate and the right way to feel a lot. They're all right and they're all wrong. That's what happens with messy traumatised people and cults.

[soupychickennoodle]

Currently thinking about Jeremy making exy fun for Jean again. Reinventing it from being something that’s either life or death to a genuine joy and passion.

It starts with night practices. Jean goes because he can’t stand not adapting to the Trojans’ methods and plays immediately. He’s too used to the consequences and punishments; he has to take any and all precautions against failure. It’s also a familiar routine, something that’ll steady the ever-quaking ground beneath his feet for a little while.

Jeremy tags along because Jean can’t go anywhere alone (Kevin’s advice). Jeremy stays on the sideline, observing. Jean’s technique is flawless, calculated, automatic. His face is cold, blank. It’s all muscle memory to him, body a callous, empty shell as he performs mindless drills.

Jeremy asks Jean if he’d like someone to practice with after a couple minutes. It’s hard to practice as a backliner alone, he says. Jean agrees, that expressionless mask still up.

They go at it for a while and it’s normal. Jean expected needing to make an adjustment to practicing with a new teammate, but it’s familiar in its own way too. They were opponents long before they became teammates.

As the effortless rhythm of drills sinks into them both, their competitive sides start to show a little. Jean shoves just a smidge too hard and Jeremy clacks sticks even when he’s the one with the ball. They’re evenly matched, but not willing to admit it.

Jeremy teases Jean with words that have no hidden threat or any heat to them, but taunt him enough Jean can’t just ignore them. He finds himself muttering under his breath, returning the taunts full force just not certain enough to actually vocalize them. Each second that mask slips a little bit more.

So the drills get messy as they go against the normal rules of exy because that’s the only way either of them can get one up on the other. Jeremy hides the ball in his shirt; Jean grabs Jeremy’s racquet when he’s about to take a shot, throwing him off balance.

It’s the first time Jean makes mistakes without the fear of punishment. The only consequence is hearing a light hearted laugh roll off Jeremy’s tongue or seeing his eyes crinkle up close for the first time. There are no standards Jean must meet. There’s no threat of pain at the end of the night. No one to criticize and tear apart the tiny details of his performance.

He can make any mistake he’d like (and he does like to because Jeremy’s laugh is crazy addictive). Jean isn’t at the point that he can so easily laugh with Jeremy, but he smiles when Jeremy trips over himself because he tried threading his racquet between his legs like a basketball player. Jean rolls his eyes as Jeremy pretends to limp only to sprint past him and miss the goal so spectacularly, rubbing his neck as he turns around with a heavy blush to his cheeks.

It’s not like exy can always be this calm, low stakes debacle of a practice. Jean will still panic during a game when an opponent manages to outpace him.

But maybe he’ll remember those night practices with Jeremy. That sense of panic will gradually wash away to determination (something he’d never wanted for himself without the threat of a knife or cane). He wants to do better for himself and his team, not just for the sake of saving himself from Riko’s cruel abuse.