#Kakashi actually cared when Naruto had a panic attack

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Minato *seeing Kakashi panic* eh, i’m sure it’s fine

Kakashi *seeing Naruto panic*

[themidnightguardian]

Day 2: Trust Issues -- Naruto & Kakashi

gen | slight AU taking place the day of team assignments | Warnings: childhood neglect & trauma, mentioned attempted child murder, (justified?) paranoia & trust issues

Whumptober 2024 Masterlist

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Naruto didn’t care much for the sensei Team 7 had been assigned. The lateness was one thing—annoying, but bearable—but there was something shifty about him that raised all kinds of red flags in Naruto’s mind. The mask, the fake-ass eye-crinkle, the utter bullshit he’d spewed about his “likes, dislikes, and dreams.”

Naruto used to think anyone with a Konoha headband could be trusted—at least to an extent. Maybe they didn’t like him, because no one liked Naruto, and maybe they wouldn’t go out of their way to help him, but he used to think, at the very least, that Konoha shinobi were safe. Pretty stupidly trusting of him, in hindsight, but he’d never had reason to think otherwise.

Until Mizuki-sensei tricked him into stealing the scroll of forbidden jutsus, and then tried to kill him. It was a floodgate of bullshit coming out all at once, because he’d learned about the kyuubi, learned that was the reason most of the adults in the village couldn’t stand him—why people trashed his apartment and called him names in the street and refused to sell to him.

There was a pang of betrayal whenever he thought about the Hokage now, too. For so long, Hokage-Jiji was the only one Naruto could rely on, the only person he’d ever felt was looking out for him. Naruto couldn’t decide between being grateful, or feeling hurt—because it had never been about Naruto, but the kyuubi. And the Hokage had hidden so much from him, Naruto wasn’t sure if anything he said was true. Or if it was just more lies stacked on top of each other.

No, the only person in the world he knew he could trust without hesitation now was Iruka-sensei, because he had proved he was on Naruto’s side. Because you didn’t take a fuma shuriken to the back for someone you didn’t like at least a little.

But Hatake was an unknown, and that meant Naruto had to be careful.

So when Hatake ordered them all to share their own likes, dislikes, and dreams, Naruto rambled some nonsense that sounded enough like the truth that no one would call him on it, and enough of a lie that it couldn’t be used against him.

And when Hatake told them there would be a survival test in the morning, Naruto couldn’t help but think of Mizuki-sensei’s “special test” and felt some mix of exhaustion and dread and resignation sink into his bones.

Sasuke and Sakura left the moment Hatake dismissed them, but Naruto stayed behind. He could make himself anxious waiting for the other shoe to drop, or—

Or he could just do it himself.

“Are you going to try to kill me, too?” Naruto asked, blunt enough that it actually made Hatake rear back, actually made something like panic crack the otherwise impenetrable blank mask he’d been putting up the whole time.

“What?” he croaked out.

“Like that bastard, Mizuki. ‘Cause if you are, let’s just get it over with now. There’s no need to drag Sakura-chan or Sasuke-teme into it.”

Sasuke might be an arrogant jackass, and Sakura was as mean as she was pretty, but Naruto wouldn’t put either of them in danger. He wouldn’t let either of them get hurt just because they had the misfortune of being on the same team as him.

Naruto ignored the tremble of his hands by clenching them into fists, ignored the faint wobble of his lip by baring his teeth. He was a real shinobi now, and real shinobi weren’t afraid.

Except Hatake was a real shinobi—a jounin, even—and he had gone white as a ghost. “No. Naruto, no. I—fuck. No. I’m not going to—” He took a shuddering breath. “That’s not going to happen.”

Naruto just narrowed his eyes. Hatake sounded sincere—sounded shaken—but Naruto had been wrong about people before.

Still, there had been plenty of opportunity for him to attack, and he hadn’t taken it. Maybe Hatake was the type to play the long game? That seemed…like a huge waste of time, if Naruto was being honest, but he’d have to be vigilant, just in case.

“Sure,” Naruto said, relaxing a little, but not fully.

If anything, Hatake’s expression cracked further, but he nodded and, without another word, disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Naruto waited to make sure he was truly alone before he slumped back down on the roof. So his new sensei was harder to read than anyone else Naruto had ever met. He sighed, throwing an arm over his eyes.

I’ll just have to get stronger, then.

[undercover-stories]

Sort of want to know what would happen if in Boruto, instead of Kurama dying, Naruto died instead. Kurama obviously made sure that the baryon mode only depleted his own life force so what if it was the other way around? What if Naruto was the one who made it so that his own life force was depleted instead of Kurama’s? The reasoning behind his choice being that Kurama is one of the most powerful ancient being that ever lived and he feels like that power would be more vital in defeating the otsutsuki compared to himself who is ultimately at the end of the day only human. Especially now that Sasuke’s rinnegan is gone

So Naruto dies and instead Kurama is the one who wakes up, now in control of Naruto’s body. Imagine the horror and shock Sasuke, Boruto and Kawaki would feel when Naruto’s form opens its eyes and instead of cerulean blue, they’re met with red eyes and black narrow slits. Sasuke doesn’t need an explanation, he’d almost instantly understand what had happened and is too in shock to react to Kawaki and Boruto both demanding to know where Naruto is. When they’re told what happened, Boruto gets paralyzed by the same shock Sasuke is in but Kawaki himself actually attacks kurama. His denial insisting that if he can make Kurama go ‘back inside’ Naruto would wake up again.

But it doesn’t take him long to realize that it wasn’t gonna happen so he becomes consumed with shock, anger and grief

Boruto realizing that his father died to protect him. Kawaki realizing that despite managing to kill Jigen, Naruto still died. Sasuke just numb in shock that his other half truly was gone.

Kurama can only watch as all 3 of them sort of fall apart at realizing the truth. While he himself is drowning in guilt because Naruto died in his stead. He’s also in shock at the fact that Naruto died to save his life. He’s never heard of a Jinchuriki ever willingly give their life to protect/save their tailed beast. It’s always been the other way around. Humans trying to kill or trap him to keep their kind alive. Even during the war he never believed that Naruto would die trying to save everyone and even if he did, they’d go together. Kurama realizes for the first time in decades that he’s alone. His friend is gone and he is completely alone.

Sasuke manages to break through his shock just enough to tell everyone that they need to get back to Konoha to tell everyone what happened. Naruto died protecting everyone and Sasuke is not going to let that choice be in vain. Kawaki at first doesn’t care until Boruto (even through his own sorrow) points out that Sasuke was right. So like in canon, Kawaki manages to get Boruto’s karma to open a portal back to Konoha.

After managing to break through their own shock and grief, Shikamaru, Sakura and everyone else who’d been working closely with the Hokage in fighting Otsutsuki, try to keep Naruto’s death a secret as they try to figure out their next move. Not just because they don’t want to cause a panic but also because if the people working with Jigen and Momoshiki find out, Konoha would be vulnerable. Not even Hinata or Himawari know. Kakashi takes his place back as Hokage again while they figure out what to do. Similar to canon, the other Kage’s are told about the situation (the difference of course being that Naruto is dead instead of Kurama)

Similar to canon, the Kage’s bring up how Boruto is dangerous because Momoshiki could take over his body again and with the Rinnegan destroyed and Naruto gone, they’d be sitting ducks. Similar to canon, they raise the fact that if necessary, Boruto needs to be ‘put down’ for everyone’s safety. Sasuke, Kurama and Kakashi are the only once’s attending the Kage meeting and they only respond with contemplative silence.

Shikamaru gives Hinata some kind of excuse to explain why Naruto won’t be coming home for a while. Hinata isn’t stupid, she knows something is wrong and she does suspect the worse but she also knows that at the moment, Naruto would want her to put their kids first so she just tries her best to distract Himawari. But she can’t do anything to pierce through Borutos numbing grief. Especially since he’s been avoiding everyone and not sleeping out of fear that Momoshiki might take over his body.

Similar to what Naruto did in canon, Kurama finds him and tells him confidently the same way Naruto did in canon that no matter what happens, Kurama was going to protect him because he knows that Naruto would do the same even if it cost him his place and reputation as Hokage. Boruto finally breaks down at realizing how much his father loved him and in his exhaustion, finally falls asleep.

[lavenderchedder]

Hiya! I’m sasuledelicatessen- well, I don’t know if you ship SNS but I want to know, if you do, what made you ship them? I want to know your version

Well, it's kind of long.

I've been following the Naruto franchise since 2007 and initially I was into the anime/manga for the action and the unique storyline that it presented, as well as the art-style (I’m a sucker for unique art-style). The concept of Naruto (the character) being the "underdog”, the introduction of ninjutsu and chakra and the integration of Japanese folklore into the story overall what made me sort of a Naruto addict, if you will.

Anyway...

I’ve always thought that the rivalry between Naruto and Sasuke were interesting at first in Part 1. When they “accidentally” kissed, at first I thought nothing of it and chalked it up to anime humor, not knowing the huge significance that scene brought (among others) years down the line in their relationship (and the progression of the storyline). Them challanging each other, the playful bickering, teasing each other, I initially chalked it up to the whole “boys will be boys” trope until watching the end episodes in the “Land of Waves” arc of Part I. The way Sasuke sacrificed himself for a boy (Naruto) he barely knew sparked something in their relationship that will change the dynamics of the relationship moving forward...

The reasons why I ship SNS has changed since 2007, although it still stands that the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke are among the strongest bonds in the entire story. Me being a crazed teenager that I was at the time, I initially shipped them because they looked ‘cute’ or ‘hot’ together. This is when I started looking into SasuNaru fanart and fanfiction around that time, because it was such a unique pairing. The Uchiha in general are some of the most beautifully drawn characters I’ve seen, thus far. No wonder it was mentioned that it was hard drawing Sasuke back then, I mean just look at him! And well, Naruto seemed to be the only person that he ever payed attention to in the manga, and actually smiled around (because it takes ALOT to get Sasuke to show any emotion). Their interactions during the Chunin arc, how Naruto showed deep concern for Sasuke during his lowest points (when Itachi attacked Sasuke, etc), how Naruto acted around Saskue sort of sparked new beginnings of a deeper bond than I realized. And it was the same with Sasuke, how he had shared his lunch with Naruto in their first meeting despite consequences, him somehow always to Naruto’s rescue.

VotE1 is what sealed the deal for me then when I noticed that the Sasuke x Naruto bond was deeper than just a friendship. The passion and heartache they had for each other, even as they were fighting was just too intense. Noone that I’ve seen in this story had that much feelings for each other than these two. And when it was over, and Sasuke had this look in his eyes when he saw Naruto unconscious on the ground, I just knew that there was love involved, even when I just looked at their relationship as ‘cute’ ship at the time. 

Watching Shippuden to its end, after years of being away from the Naruto fandom, I began to understand what Sasuke went through and how much pain and lonliness he was actually in. The UCM was no joke and it took away what was most important to Sasuke (his family) and destroyed his deep love and admiration for Itachi. At first, I didn’t understand his character, and wrote him of as ‘emo’, annoying and obssesed with his revenge because I truly thought he was ‘ungrateful’ for what he left behind in Konoha *chuckles.* And honestly, I thought Naruto’s obsession with Sasuke was no better and believed he should’ve given up on Sasuke. But then, as I began to truly understand both characters as a whole and their backgrounds, I noticed that they can’t truly live without each other. Naruto’s “I will consume all your hatred and die with you” was said with so much passion and love, it’s hard not to look at them as just “good friends,” although their interactions at this point was more volatile, I could see that Naruto’s admiration for Sasuke grew stronger. Naruto having a panic attack over Sasuke being executed, begging on his knees for forgiveness from the Raikage, Naruto constantly having thoughts of Sasuke’s well-being to the point of obsessiveness, it made me think “ Wow! Naruto must really be in love with Sasuke.” Especially when everyone else (even Sakura of all people) seemed to give up and consider Sasuke “irredeemable.” I was even surprised at some the things Naruto said in regards to Sasuke, thinking it was weird to think of a mere ‘friend’ like this. I always saw their relationship as more twisted, violent and beautiful. Some folks may say their bond was unhealthy and one-sided (on Naruto’s end), but I think in this universe, it seems that way due to the fact that Naruto and Sasuke were both fucked up, emotionally. 

During the war arc, when both are reunited, it’s like they were back to being their old selves. Them discovering that they are indeed soulmates (in the most literal sense because they are reincarnations Hagoromo’s sons) demonstrated that both Naruto and Sasuke’s bond transcends beyond friendship and even romance (although it’s fine to look at them as either one). They were like yin and yang, the sun and moon among the stars. In their final battle at VotE2, I looked at it as them getting out their repressed feelings they had for each, because they knew that they cared loved each other too much for them to ‘kill.’ It was at that point in the end of their fight Sasuke felt the most vulnerable, probably since he was child. Other than Itachi, Naruto is the only other person to truly make Sasuke at peace, and knowing that he was never truly alone, even though it seemed that the whole world was against him. Naruto never gave up on him, and knew him on a deeper level than even those that were considered close to them (Sakura, Kakashi, etc.). When Sasuke cried, it showed to me that he was most happy being with the one he loved.

When I heard that Sakura got paired with Sasuke way back, I was very disappointed, not only because it insulted Sakura’s character and eliminated most chances for her to grow as a female character, Sasuke is a type of character that was too complex to just ‘marry off.’ Naruto was more tolerable, even though he never really gave Hinata any deep thoughts other than a friend/comrade. I knew SNS wasn’t happening, no matter the obvious signs and it being the most developed relationship in the Naruto manga. And Kishimoto kept dropping hints all over the place, giving fans hope. A homosexual relationship, even implied, is something the Shonen audience isn’t ready for right now. I do believe Masashi Kishimoto intended to have at least an open ending with the manga because honestly, the so-called “canon” pairings were not well thought out and was rushed. Sasusaku is so unbelievable and poorly written, no wonder it’s not well received among alot of the fans. Sasuke’s character was pretty ruined after Gaiden, because it ruined the potentials for a beautiful relationship (SNS) for a sequel. And so much was left unresolved. It’s all...dissapointing. 

Woah! That was long. I hope that answers your question. Long story short, yes I do ship SNS to the nth degree!

[dearcat1]

[Nepotism]

Artist: DearCat 

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Superbi Squalo, Uzumaki Naruto/Xanxus 

Tags/Warnings/Rating: G

Prompt: Day 6 [Ten years later]

Summary: In which Kakashi decides he's going to be a better older brother and steal a swordsman in the process because turn around is fair game. 

Story

Kakashi is getting angry. It's perhaps a little stupid but he is. There are no high stakes, no teammates in danger. This situation isn't even deadly enough. He's just had a crappy week. A terrible, no good, all-around fucking awful week. 

This is a diplomatic mission, he reminds himself almost tiredly. Diplomatic means no assassinations. 

No assassination that they can catch you on, at least. There's nothing wrong with a little assassination if they never know it was Kakashi that did it. Except that Tsunade would know, of course. One of those disadvantages of the woman actually seeing him grow. 

For a while, at least. And no, Kakashi isn't bitter about that. Not even for Naruto's sake. (Lie, of course. But Kakashi is great at lying to himself.) 

Vongola, it seems, is used to negotiating from a position of power. Konoha, on the other hand, knows perfectly well that this alliance would give them nothing. This is nepotism at its finest. You see, in her Uzumaki luck, Naruto somehow ended being transported to this new dimension and in true Naruto fashion, she befriended anyone and anything that could be befriended. 

And, alarmingly to Kakashi, got herself a boyfriend. A civilian (ish), murderous, always angry, boyfriend. Kakashi had known, the second she introduced him. So had Sasuke, after a double-take. 

("Kakashi-sensei, guys, this is my bastard.") Not The Bastard, like Sasuke, or a bastard, like the rest of the fools that bothered her but My Bastard. Kakashi nearly had a panic attack.

She's seventeen now, Kakashi had realized dully. Naruto's hormones were meant to awaken at some point. What happened to that crush on Sakura, Kakashi despaired. Why not the Hyuuga girl? Why a bastard? Why a boy? Kakashi knew boys, boys can be selfish little pricks. 

When he had been a brat, long before Naruto even knew of him, Kakashi had escaped Naruto as fast as he could. Only saw her safely from ANBU duty distance. And then, when she was around seven and Kakashi had been on a mission, a bunch of newbie ANBU decided to rid themselves of the demon brat. 

Back then, Naruto survived by virtue of the demon fox and sheer dumb luck. Kakashi couldn't sleep without nightmares for months. He'd promised himself he'd do better, and even managed to convince himself that he had. What with climbing into her apartment when she was gone, cleaning and buying her food behind her back. 

Better than nothing, he'd thought. Kakashi had his orders after all. 

Bullshit. 

Kakashi knew that now. And it only had taken a fed up civilian (ish) stealer of cute little students to rub Kakashi's face on that fact. If Kakashi loved Minato like a second father, the thief had growled, then wasn't Naruto his little sister by default? Where had he been? 

And suddenly all of Kakashi's carefully created excuses had fallen around him.

So here Kakashi is, sitting in front of a bunch of civilian old men that somehow think they're a match for Kakashi of the thousand techniques while pretending that he hasn't killed all of them at least 50 times in his mind. Because Naruto wants to keep the stealer and that means an alliance. 

Tsunade loves Naruto like a mother would love her child and Kakashi is done being a terrible brother so he'd see it done. Konoha will just have to deal with a useless alliance. 

Nepotism has its uses. 

Besides, Kakashi thinks, eyeing the long-haired swordsman that falls into step with him when Kakashi leaves the meeting, if Xanxus of the Varia saw fit to snatch Kakashi's cute little student… Well, who's stopping Kakashi from stealing Xanxus's second in command? 

"Voi! You look like you could use a spar!" Squalo grins at him, waving his sword around for emphasis. 

In return, Kakashi smiles, closing his Icha Icha with a snap. "Oh? Are you offering?" 

"What does it look like?! Voi, lets go!" 

"So eager," Kakashi muses, making a show of eyeing the man from head to toe. "No hurries. I won't run. Unless you'd like to hunt me?" 

To be honest, Kakashi is expecting a spit-take, maybe a little blushing. Squalo, however, goes deadly still. Calm and sharp as a blade. Kakashi had been a ninja since he was 5, there's nothing Squalo could do to him but he still feels the small hairs on his nape stand on end. "Voi," Squalo purrs, low and intent, "maybe I'd like that." 

Kakashi is a Hatake, there's no way Squalo knows what a hunt does to him but he still feels his heartbeat skyrocket, his muscles loosen. Almost despite himself, Kakashi lets his own predatory side show. "Oh?" A shrug, a careful step to the side, "please do." 

And Kakashi is gone.

[depressedkakashihatake]

AU idea: Kushina becomes friend with Kurama so, when she dies and has to seal Kurama in Naruto, she doesn't make the seal as tight as in canon. She makes it tight enough that Kurama can't influence Naruto's emotions, but loose enough that Kurama's not forced to sleep so he can talk to Naruto if he so wishes to and she asks Kurama to take care of her son.

Kurama takes Kushina's request at heart and Naruto becomes his kit from the start, keeping him company when he's alone and teaching him to defend himself when people are mean to him. He's still a grumpy fox, but the two become friend easily enough and thanks to Kurama's teaching Naruto is the best in ninjutsu at the academy and average in taijutsu.

(Also imagine Kurama teaching Naruto about Kushina's chakra chains, so fricking cool)

Kakashi is impressed and actually curious about having Naruto as a student (and of course thanks to Kurama Naruto knows about his parents, but Kurama tells him to not tell anyone) even if he catches the kid talking to 'himself' sometimes (he's not, he's talking with Kurama).

During a mission Naruto instinctually makes the chakra chains maybe to protect himself/his team and Kakashi almost panics on the spot because holy shit who the fuck taught him Kushina's attack.

Kakashi would want to know everything, and i think Kuruma would actually recognize Kakashi since he did guard Kushina during her pregnancy. So maybe he see’s Kakashi and tells Naruto that this is someone he can trust. 

That he doesn’t have to be closed off with this man, because this is someone who was very close with his parents.

And Kakashi’s just sitting there trying to process everything that’s going on. Like how Naruto knows he likes Miso Soup with eggplant when the team’s talking about dinner one day and instead of asking for Ramen Naruto looks up at Kakashi and says “where’s the best place for Miso soup for you, Sensai?”

Where did you get this info? i didn’t tell you shit kid.

And team 7 would be so much stronger because Kurema would have taught Naruto to be strong and draw off of his chakra in small ways, and Kakashi would be able to better organize the team without this large gap in training which is what he starts out with (because that is what happens. Sasuke has a lot of training from his father, Sakura is extreamly studious and works hard, and Naruto had no help at all from anyone in cannon. He’s so far behind and has to fight tooth and nail to catch up and it sets the team back a bit, but damn he gets there)

[myaekingheart]

kakashi for the ask game! :D

Oh this is gonna be dangerous xD (and also really fucking long I’m so sorry lmfao)

send me a character and i’ll list...

favorite thing about them It’s so hard to pick, but I think his resilience. Kakashi has genuinely been through hell and back and yet he keeps going. His character development in Naruto is one of my absolute favorite things, the way he starts out as this seemingly apathetic but deep down very guarded character who ultimately grows to love his students and make peace with his past and finally find some happiness. He’s the man who lost everything and still keeps going and maybe it’s just because I, too, am a depressed bitch but that’s always bee super comforting to me and felt very reassuring. Like if Kakashi can hit rock bottom but pull himself up out of that pit and find happiness and success, then so can I.

least favorite thing about them I don’t even know if I have a least favorite thing about him. I honestly love everything about him. I guess the closest thing I can get to a least favorite thing would be that I wish we saw more of him goofing off and having tons of fun like when he and Guy raced in Shippuden. Hearing Kakashi laugh and joke around was just so good for my soul.

favorite line Oh no there are so many, I can’t pick just one. My favorite contenders are: “Leaf Village Secret Finger Jutsu: One Thousand Years of Death!” “Behind this mask...is another mask! Pretty cool, huh?” “I’m telling you this because you don’t get it. You think you get it which is not the same as actually getting it, get it?” “Those who break the rules are scum but those who would abandon a comrade are worse than scum” “I won’t allow my comrades to die. I’ll protect you with my life. Trust me.” “It’s like an acorn.” “Sorry I’m late, I’m afraid I got lost on the path of life.” “Sorry I’m late, a black cat crossed my path and I had to take the long way around.” “For those who follow the path of revenge, it never ends well. You’ll only tear yourself apart and even if you succeed and you get your revenge, what will you get then? Nothing. Emptiness.” “So it looks like neither of us have led a charmed life exactly. But still, we’re not all that bad off. At least you and I have found new comrades to help fill the void.” “Calm down, Naruto. Slow your breathing down” (mainly because this scene just gets me every time as someone who has had severe panic attacks for twenty years lmfao) There was also another “sorry I’m late” excuse that I don’t remember exactly and cannot for the life of me find but it was from a picture I saw somewhere, looked like it was maybe from a video game? Where Kakashi said something to genin Naruto and Sakura about the path of love or something? And they’re staring at him flustered pointing insisting “That’s...a lie!” Like I can recall the image clear as day in my head but I cannot for the life of me find it.

brOTP Hands down Guy. I mean, I ship them, too, but I just really love their friendship especially. Guy just really brings out the best in him and provides this really nice foil to Kakashi’s personality. I genuinely think Kakashi would’ve been done for if not for Guy’s loyalty and optimism. Their friendship is so fun and the two of them together never fail to make me smile.

OTP Does my KakashixOC ship count? Because if it does, then that’s my OTP. I have spent way too much time and energy on their relationship for it to not be. That probably sounds super cliche and maybe a little Mary-Sue-ish but I don’t even care, Rei and Kakashi are my magnus opum and I love them. I’m also just really, really proud of the way I’ve written their relationship. So much of their bond is informed by my own relationship with my fiance, and I think my own experiences have really evolved my understanding of what real intimacy in a romantic relationship looks like. It’s not so much about flowers and chocolates and date nights as it is about caring for and comforting the person you love, spending quality time with them, making them laugh and smile, being 110% yourself around them, and providing for them in their times of need. I have never written a relationship so real and specifically raw before, and there’s a lot of intricacies that I’ve worked in as well, that just overall make me incredibly proud of the progress I’ve made on their story, and proud of the story I’ve been creating for them in general. But if an OC ship doesn’t count for OTP, I really like Kakashi with Shizune, Guy, Yamato/Tenzo, and Iruka.

nOTP Oh god I have quite a few. I really don’t enjoy focusing on negatives nor do I want to start ship wars so I’ll keep these explanations brief. I can’t stand Kakashi and Sakura, the mere thought of it makes me *this close* to puking. I take big issue with ships in general between characters that met when one of them was a child and the other an adult, though. It just comes off incredibly pedophilic to me and makes me nauseous. The other big ship I take issue with is Kakashi and Rin but that’s more of a personal issue because their relationship, and Rin’s character in general, hit way too close to home (in a very warped and psychotically symbolic way) to some really traumatic stuff I dealt with in the past that took me years and lots of therapy to deal with, and it still trips me up to this day. It’s not anything that anyone in fandom has done or anyone who ships Kakashi and Rin with each other, it’s just a matter of me noticing parallels between the ship and my own trauma that make it incedibly hard for to tolerate content of it. Just to tack these on, as well, but I also really dislike him with Hanare from the filler episode and with Kahyo from the book Lightning in the Icy Sky. The romance with Hanare just felt really disingenuous to me like I can tolerate it, but it’s not my favorite. And as for Kahyo, I blame bad writing. The fact that the book was referring to her as “the woman who has Kakashi’s heart” literally within like two pages of them meeting really pissed me off. I couldn’t even finish the book so I can’t even speak on the rest of the relationship but I just got so turned off by the entire story in general because the romance was so unbelievable and abrupt. I feel like anyone who has read my fic, though, likely has picked up on my opinions on these, though. Not that I’m writing ship hate or anything because I’m not, but there have been little plot points here and there that have kind of touched on my feelings on these ships.  

random headcanon I have way too many but here’s one of them, I guess, though this is more a musing than a headcanon. I think, when the war is over and Kakashi can finally catch his breath, he goes through a bit of an identity crisis as he comes to terms with the fact that he no longer has his sharingan. After all, he had Obito’s eye for almost twenty years. Learning to function without it is going to be incredibly difficult but not only that, so much of his identity was founded on his secondhand sharingan. Who even is he without it? Does he even recognize himself anymore? And how can he ever live up to the reputation he’s garnered over so many years now that the source of all of his power is gone for good? Yes, he was a prodigy before the sharingan and he is still capable without it, but it’s going to be a big change and take a huge toll on him and his perception of himself.

unpopular opinion I’m glad Kakashi has never been given an explicitly canon love interest. Honestly, I don’t want him to have one. As much as he deserves to find love and start a family with someone, from a fandom perspective I much prefer him being open and available. It creates a much more flexible interpretation of him and his love life so that we, the fans, can write him however we damn well please and I think that’s pretty fantastic. I think it’s safe to say that Kakashi is one of if not the most heavily shipped character in the fandom and everyone has very strong opinions on who he belongs with and even how he idenifies from a sexuality perspective. I can only imagine the uproar that would come from finally giving him a canon love interest because you absolutely cannot please everyone. In a way, I feel like Kakashi is just a character who belongs to all of us. He is something different for every single person in fandom whether that’s someone to look up to and seek guidance from, someone to protect and root for, someone to relate to and find comfort in, someone to love and/or lust after. Or in my case a precious emotional support ninja husbando. I don’t know if he would’ve had quite the same effect on fandom if he had been canonically shipped with someone from the get-go, but I’m grateful that he never was and I hope he never will be so he can continue playing the role in fandom that he has been for so many years. That probably sounds selfish, though, but I just really want him to remain a character that belongs to all of us and is not inhibited by canon in terms of who he loves and how he identifies.

song i associate with them Again, there’s so fucking many so I’m just gonna list some of my favorites. Sign by Flow Friendships by Pascal Letoublon Hospital for Souls by Bring Me the Horizon SCARECROW by My Chemical Romance Disguise by Motionless in White-- this is a big one, especially the line “sick of wearing a mask, sick of hiding my face, sick of every motherfucker that is in my way, sick of digging for answers while you bury the truth, fuck your method to my sadness, I will bury you” like it just reminds me of ANBU Kakashi specifically, but overall his character development in coming to terms with his past and crawling out of his depression, too.

favorite picture of them Again...there’s multiple x_x

[ywhiterain]

Here’s my NaruSasu cred. So I’m not an anti just because I’m about to critically discuss the darker parts of their relationship. In fact, Ima just say it. I don’t know why you’d ship this pairing if you’re not here for at least some dysfunction.

I often hear fans say that NaruSasu is ~different than SasuSaku because Naruto hits back at Sasuke’s most toxic behavior while Sakura just takes it (btws she doesn’t - Sakura has stood her ground with Sasuke since the forest of death). That’s really dumb because measuring a relationship on how much punishment you can take without crumbling is pretty fucked up.

(I’m also not gonna classify NaruSasu as abusive because my next post will gonna detail on how Naruto damages Sasuke himself.)

More to the point, Naruto takes Sasuke’s betrayals much worse than Sakura. This is hard to measure beverages relationships are complicated and Sakura is certainly hurting throughout part two because her team is incomplete. But, when push comes to shove, Sakura was able to put other people before Sasuke. She tried to kill him because it was dragging Naruto down so much and she didn’t want Kakashi to carry the guilt of killing the student left his only legacy to.

And Sasuke does drag Naruto down. The fact that Sasuke pushes him to greater heights doesn’t change the fact that Naruto literally had a panic attack at the threat of losing Sasuke. Or lost himself to the demon within him pre Kurama redemption more than once at the notion of losing Sasuke. Or that he let people beat him up in hopes they’ll change their mind about killing him.

Now, most of this isn’t Sasuke’s fault. Naruto ties his identity and self worth into keeping his promises and being there for his friends. Naruto’s a ball of trauma himself - it’s not until he was twelve that he ever felt genuinely loved and that impacts how he sees people and relationships. The unspoken connection he built with Sasuke before they became team seven helped keep him sane. Sasuke didn’t ask for this and wasn’t responsible for Naruto‘s mental health.

But Sasuke’s first attempt to kill Naruto was tied to Sasuke acknowledging how much Naruto meant to him more overtly than ever before. And that didn’t mix well with Naruto’s issues. Having the person who you want to acknowledge you more than anyone give it to you and then turn around and declare they’re gonna kill you is not going to do wonders for your mental health.

And it’s not like Naruto ever really deals with it. He just keeps pushing forward, declaring them bff4eva. He’d literally rather die with Sasuke than allow for any other outcome other than Sasuke coming back home with him.

And Sasuke returns that devotion by declaring he’ll kill Naruto and everything he stands for. Naruto “gets over that” by just ignoring the horrific implications there. But it does take a toll on him.

Because Naruto was a story of hope, the darker implications of their relationship aren’t touched upon as deeply as the positive parts. Naruto’s finally gets his best friend back, but there was always a dark thread running through their narrative because Kishimoto drilled home, again and again, that losing Sasuke would be the one thing Naruto couldn’t recover from while Sakura was shown as someone who could prioritize other people before Sasuke, which, lbr, is much healthier than Naruto’s devotion to Sasuke.

I don’t care what you ship, but ignoring what actually happens in canon is pretty frustrating.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Fifty-Nine: Community ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

“I just...I don’t understand!”

“That’s my point. You don’t. And given your perspective, I’m not sure you ever will.”

“What happened wasn’t the fault of everyone in the village. So why do you blame them?”

“I don’t! I blame them for their complacency! You’ve known the truth since Obito confronted you on the way to Tetsu no Kuni. He told you everything…! What the council, and the Hokage, and Danzō did to my clan. To my brother, to me…! Someone you claim to care about, to understand! But rather than address it - rather than finally come to terms with my goals, and what I needed for closure and justice - it was like you never heard a word. All you cared about was dragging my ass back to Konoha, whether I wanted it or not.”

“Because it’s your home! Your community! Where your friends are! Where your family lived -”

“And died. Or more accurately, were massacred by my own government. No trials, no publicity...just outright murder. You think I wanted to be dragged back to the place where my family was butchered and then sold for parts by Danzō? Where the rest of the council that organized the Uchiha genocide are not only still alive, but in power…? You think I wanted to come back here without any hint of justice? No mention from you, or Sakura, or Kakashi about addressing the massacre. Nothing. Not a word, or a whisper. Because from the time I left, my goals and my pain didn’t matter to you. All that did was your entitlement to my time and person. You call me a friend, but when have you ever done anything to help me accomplish the only goal I’ve had since I was seven years old?”

Naruto, breath heavy with emotion, has no answer.

Sasuke stares back, his own - somehow - calmer. “...you tell me that my friends are here. Maybe they are. But until I get apologies - and action - regarding what befell my clan at the hands of the village you love so much...I can’t call you a friend. My clan was the only thing that mattered to me. Konoha had mistreated them based on the actions of one man for generations. Treated them, at times, as second class citizens. My father’s attempts to have talks regarding the tensions between them were always met with stony silence. He felt he had no choice, for the sake of his people, to rebel against the ones holding them hostage. They held us to Madara’s actions, even as we turned our backs on him and remained loyal to Konoha. Tobirama gave us the police force, but never gave up his suspicion and ire. We were kept in a back corner of the village, separate from everyone. When the Kyūbi attacked, we were blamed. And in the end...we told the truth. It wasn’t us. It was Obito, acting on Madara’s orders. The man we turned against in favor of a village that then never trusted us despite our loyalty. And for that...all but one of us is now dead.

“...I know that the people of Konoha aren’t to blame for the massacre. That lays on the shoulders of four people, two of which are now dead...one of which I had to do myself. So you have a choice, Naruto. You can blindly accept the actions of your village’s council - refuse to do anything to address their crimes - or you can step up and act like the Hokage you want to be. You can look at this injustice, and do something about it.” A dark eye narrows. “...or I will. No more swallowing the truth for Konoha’s benefit. Its foundation is built on the bones of my clan. I will see justice done, one way or another. What side of history do you want to be on?”

“...Sasuke…”

“Until you and the others make up your minds, I don’t want to hear from you. As long as you stand silent on this...you don’t have the right to my time.” Turning on a heel, Sasuke leaves his teammate’s apartment.

He knew it would be pointless. Knew that his team was still too blinded by village loyalty to consider removing the poisoned roots. But on the off chance that he could get some increment of the truth through Naruto’s thick skull, he had to try.

And look where it gets him.

He knows there’s still recovery going on. From the destruction wrought by Pein, from the war...in the grand scheme of things, justice for a crime a decade old - no matter its scale - has to wait.

...but he doesn’t want to wait forever.

Even now, the sting of his team’s inaction and silence after learning what Konoha’s elders had done boils his blood...but he’s working on his temper. Koharu and Homura still have to answer for their actions. Hiruzen and Danzō are dead. Once some kind of justice is done to those who remain...he’ll be satisfied.

...but beyond that, he wants the truth known. The price the Uchiha paid the ultimate price for the stability of the village that betrayed them. He wants every citizen - shinobi and civilian alike - to know just what that stability has cost him. So that it can weigh on them as it weighs on him.

He won’t let this be forgotten. Buried. Lost to time and the sins of a system he will help change.

Outside Naruto’s apartment, the weather has turned overcast, the first few drops of rain beginning to fall as he shuts the door, crouching atop the railing before hopping his way down rooftops and balconies to the street below. It doesn’t bother him. In fact, he finds it more than appropriate.

Even now, the people of Konoha look to him warily, distrust in their eyes. He wonders how those looks will change once they realize what drove him. What still drives him.

...he wonders if they ever will.

Water soon begins to drip from his fringe, the hair bouncing with every release of weight. He doesn’t mind the rain. It’s hardly about to make him ill.

But someone else notices.

“...Sasuke-kun?”

For a sliver of a moment, the name irks him. Sakura still calls him that. But this isn’t Sakura. The tone is far too soft, far more polite than her grating, attention-demanding recitals of his name. Instead, a glance to a nearby shop overhang reveals a growingly-familiar face.

Hyūga Hinata.

Their mutual connections have meant being thrown together rather often since his return a few weeks ago. While she was so unnoticeable before he left he barely knew her, he’s still become aware of how much she’s changed. Possibly the most out of anyone in their year, if he’s to be honest.

“...Hyūga.”

“...um...did you forget an umbrella?”

“Left before I knew I’d need one. It’s not about to kill me.”

“No, but…” Her brow gives a funny little furrow: torn between hesitation and determination. “...would you like to use mine?”

“I’m fine, Hyūga.”

“But -?”

He gives a roll of his eyes alongside a sigh. “...fine. I’m just going home, anyway.”

“O...okay.” Unfurling the thing, she steps up alongside him, and a glance reminds him of how much shorter she is than him. The lavender umbrella is actually fairly wide, and keeps most of the rain off them both.

“Were you...out for a walk?”

“Hm?”

“Well, I just...I noticed you aren’t carrying anything, so…”

“I was visiting Naruto.”

“...oh!”

“It didn’t go well.”

“...oh. I’m...sorry to hear that.”

“He’s just being his typical bullheaded self.” Hinata, as it turns out, is one of the few people most privy to the whole affair. Not that Sasuke minds - if anything, he’s glad to know someone else is aware.

Especially since she’s been a rather vocal voice taking his side.

The Hyūga, after all, are distant relatives of the Uchiha. While he hardly calls them kin, they’re the most similar to his late clan, in both terms of skills and power. And Hinata’s experiences - while hardly to the scale of his own - grant her a unique perspective on the matter...along with an understanding.

She offers a soft sigh. “...may I ask what...was said?”

“He seems to think that I need to relax and just try to adjust back into the village. It’s like he’s not considering my point about the council at all. Something has to be done. I won’t stand for anything less. But it’s like he wants me to just...pretend none of it happened. Waltz around Konoha like I never left. Rejoin the community. Like I can just open up my arms and everything will be how it was. Or...how he thought it was.”

“...Naruto-kun does seem to have a bit of a, um...rose-tinted view of the village’s politics,” Hinata replies, tone a bit dry. “...even after all that happened with the Hyūga, and with Neji-nīsan, he hasn’t approached us about his supposed promise to help us reform the branched clan policy. It’s been Neji and I heading that front. It can’t and w-won’t be so easy for you to adjust back to life in the village...especially when the people responsible for your clan’s genocide are still walking free.”

“Exactly.”

Her gaze averts downward. “...I’m sorry. I w-wish there was a way to make this easier. It’s been said been said before, but...please don’t forget that the Hyūga are with you. We’re prepared to help whatever way we can. But...we can’t act on our own. The other clans need to be made aware. Otherwise...I’m afraid the revelation will spark panic and mistrust.”

“As it should, honestly,” Sasuke mutters. “An entire clan was wiped out without fair trial or a proper audience. Any other clan, should they ever have a grievance severe enough, could be next. Of course...none of them have the relationship with the long-standing Senju-biased power in Konoha that my clan did. But once they know what happened...it’ll be a very real concern.”

“Exactly. So...we have to handle this delicately. But...that does still mean we have to handle it.”

By now, the pair have wandered out toward the clan districts, the Hyūga gates coming up first. The Uchiha clan no longer has a gate: just a large, empty field where the land was re-leveled after Pein’s assault, sans for the house Sasuke’s been built.

After a brief silence, Hinata offers, “...I’m sure Naruto-kun and the others will c-come around. It’s just...complicated. I’m sure they want justice for you. But...we all have our other strings attached we h-have to account for.”

Sasuke sighs. “...I know. But until it’s made known, I’ll never just fit in the way Naruto wants me to. To everyone but a handful, I’m a criminal and a traitor only pardoned due to my ties to the Rokudaime and the village hero.”

Her expression falls. “...it isn’t fair. But...w-we’ll get there. And...hopefully we can help this community rebuild, in ways b-better than it was before. Konoha isn’t perfect, and...addressing its wrongs and shadows is important to help us more forward into a new era of peace. For all of us.”

For some reason, her words seem to really resound in his chest. All of us. Meaning him, too. Rebuild the community...hm…

An idea worming its way into his head, he comes to a stop with her at the Hyūga gate. “...thanks for listening.”

“Any time, Sasuke-kun. Do you...want to take my umbrella with you?”

“I’ll be fine, but thanks. It’s not much further.”

“All right. If you need anything...don’t hesitate to ask, ne?”

For a brief moment, a corner of his mouth flickers. “...I’ll keep that in mind.”

“...enjoy your evening, Sasuke-kun.”

“You too.”

Watching her head into the compound, he then turns and makes to conquer the last distance before home. He feels a lot...calmer now. Funny how talking with her always seems to do that, even if they really don’t talk that much.

...maybe that’s sort of the point.

Still...her words about working on Konoha’s interior have the cogs in his mind turning. There might be something to that...but, one step at a time.

                                                           .oOo.

     A bit more of my 'canon' verse cuz...that was the first thing to come to mind with this one!      My interpretation for Sasuke in this verse is not just all sunshine and rainbows with his team after the war. I, for one, CANNOT accept the Uchiha massacre just being swept under the rug the way it is in 700+. Cuz let's be real, a boy - man - who fought for justice for more than half his life, for a decade, wouldn't just shrug off genocide because his friend wants him to forget and just...go back and play house with his team that has, in all reality, done very little to support him and justice for his clan even AFTER learning the truth.      Hence doing things my way ;3 (And just as a heads up / reminder, no, I don't debate my view of things in comments, be it plot or characterization or relationships between characters. This is my interpretation. You're free to yours. Debating said topics is not what I'm here to do, since I've gotten some rather confrontational comments on the subject before, lol. This is a fanfic, not a forum for discussion. No likey, take hikey.)      ANYWHO, it's late, and I gotta head to bed! Thanks for reading~

[twinkletoes-rp]

Naruto AU “Surface Breaker” Ch. 5 - Those Who Stay

(Can also be read on FFN | AO3 | Previous | Next )

--

Meanwhile, hours earlier back at the hospital, Naruto’s been pretty quiet since Sakura left. Neither of his friends expected much else, though, and they trust him to talk when he’s ready. On the bright side, much to Shikamaru’s relief, they’ve finally gotten his nose to stop bleeding with a few pointers from Kakashi.

“Where’d you learn that, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asks curiously, wiping off the last of the blood with the damp tissues Shikamaru hands him.

Kakashi huffs a laugh in that quiet, half-hearted way Naruto’s learned means he’s accidentally touched a repressed-memory nerve, and his heart pangs. He hates doing that. It felt the same way when he asked him who the White Fang of the Leaf was during their mission to rescue Gaara. Kakashi rests his head against the wall to stare upward, at the ceiling or maybe somewhere far above it, just like back then, too. Naruto wonders what he sees, what he’s looking for, when he does that. “Just…something an old friend taught me.”

Naruto smiles softly and nods, but stays quiet, understanding. He has questions – he’s always wanted to know more about his introverted sensei – but he doesn’t want to bring up any more painful memories for him.

Shikamaru takes the pink-tinged tissues from his hand, and that reminds Naruto that he never actually heard what Kakashi-sensei thought of his decision. His smile falls victim to his nerves, but he takes a silent breath and does his best to steel himself. At the very least, he knows Kakashi-sensei won’t hit him.

“Kakashi-sensei?” The man looks over at his soft, careful voice. “I…you never said…how you feel about…” He trails off, eyes falling as he bites his lip, his worries for once getting the better of him. He’d hate it if…if Kakashi-sensei was angry with him, too…

“About you giving up on Sasuke,” Kakashi finishes, a statement, not a question. Naruto hesitates a half-second, holding his breath, but nods. His teacher sighs, scratching his head. “Honestly, Naruto, as complicated as this looks, for me, it’s not.” A meaningful pause, in which Kakashi’s black eye locks tight with Naruto’s bright blues. A small, reassuring smile comes. “Do you remember the first lesson I taught you?”

Naruto blinks at the sudden question, but nods immediately, even as his brain hurries to catch up. “Y-yeah, of course.”

“And…?” Kakashi prompts, a sort of sing-song. His tone might make him sound amused, but Naruto knows he’s serious. He’d never poke fun at his Ninja Way. Neither would Naruto.

“‘In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum. That’s true. But…” he smirks something fierce, eyes glinting with resolve, “…those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.’”

Kakashi’s smile grows, heart warming at the fact that he even remembered it word for word. This kid... “Correct!”

Naruto beams at even that small praise, and at his side, just silently observing, Shikamaru can’t help but smile softly in turn. So that was their first lesson, huh? Seems like something Kakashi would instill in them, and he absolutely expects Naruto to latch on to something like that with everything he is. It just makes the blond even more charismatic, in his opinion (and endearingly troublesome, a new kind he’s surprising to find he honestly doesn’t mind). Shame it fell on deaf ears in Sasuke’s case, though.

As if reading his mind, Kakashi goes on. “That said, Naruto, I mean it when I say I’m happy and relieved as all hell about the choice you’ve made. I’m also very proud of you. Not everyone would choose the path you have. Most that I’ve seen in your position abandon everything for the one they’re chasing, don’t take the time to look around at what they have, those who’ve stayed, and choose them over the deserter.” He softens a little more, voice with it, maybe turns the slightest bit pained and nostalgic, while his smile grows fonder. “It’s admirable. It really is. You don’t know how much.”

To say Naruto is relieved is an understatement. He just stares at Kakashi for a long moment, so touched he can’t even speak. Then, a slow, toothy grin lifts his lips, and he’s not really surprised when tears sting the corners of his eyes for a different reason than before. He feels like he can breathe again, like a huge weight’s been lifted off his chest. “W-well, I can’t say it was an easy decision, but…I’m—I’m really happy you approve, sensei.” He has the grace to look sheepish as he scratches his cheek, smile matching. “You were the one who tried to tell Sakura and me that Sasuke wasn’t the person we knew, that his intent to kill was…” he glances down at himself and gestures for emphasis, a wry laugh leaving him, “…undeniable… I didn’t want to believe it, I guess…and then, when things went bad, I just wanted to protect you guys…but still…”

He looks back up at him, guilt hollowing out a sharp space in his chest. He remembers what Iruka said about the panic attack Kakashi could very well have suffered on his behalf. “I’m so sorry for all the trouble I caused. I didn’t mean to scare you, I swear.” He bows as low as he can in his current state, pain be damned. “Thank you so much for staying by me all this time, sensei.”

Kakashi blinks a wide eye, but then breathes a laugh and shakes his head. He gives Naruto a soft smile. “You have nothing to apologize for, Naruto. That kind of change in a person… It’s hard to believe until you see it for yourself. I don’t blame either of you for being in denial, for thinking you could still save him even then.” He melts a little more. “You don’t have to thank me either. I’m your sensei. It’s my job to be here for you.” His eye narrows and words slow a bit as a thought suddenly occurs to him... “But even if it weren’t, I’d still…do my best to be here…”

It could be Naruto’s imagination, but he swears he feels something in the room, maybe the world, shift all of a sudden, like a deadbolt sliding into place. He’s not sure what it is, but…it feels big.

Gears turning in Kakashi’s mind, he straightens from his lean against the wall and looks at Naruto with a kind of fire in his eyes. The boy’s eyes widen. He feels like he’s being charged with something...

“Which is why…” he sighs heavily, rubbing the back of his neck, “…I need to apologize to you, too, Naruto.” Naruto opens his mouth, wanting to protest, but Kakashi holds up a hand. “I broke my own rule. You’re my student, yes, but you’re also my comrade and my friend, and in focusing on training Sasuke years ago, I effectively abandoned you. It won’t excuse anything, but…if you’ll let me, I’d like to explain.” A big-picture plan is starting to come together in his mind, and he can’t keep back a wicked smirk. “Actually, there are many things I’d like to explain,” his eye flits between them, “if you boys don’t mind indulging an overworked, under-rested sensei.”

Shikamaru, for his part, leans back in his chair, fingers locked behind his head. He has no idea what this is about, but he can feel it’s big, too. Excited, mischievous anticipation buzzing under his skin, his smirk matches Kakashi’s. “This oughta be good.”

Glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, Naruto follows him in relaxing. He’s confused, but he trusts Shikamaru, and he trusts Kakashi, too. If he says he has something important to tell him, he knows he does. He nods. “Okay, sensei. I’m listening.”

Kakashi takes a deep breath, deeper than he has in a long time. He’s quiet for a long few moments as he thinks, thumb and forefinger curled at his chin. “To be honest, I’m not sure where to start. There are so many things I need to tell you...” He hums. “But I suppose the best place would be to finish what I started.”

He fixes his eye on Naruto again. “Like I said, I need to apologize to you for the way I focused on training Sasuke for the Chunin Exams. You probably thought I was just worried about him facing the old Gaara.” Naruto nods, but raises an eyebrow. That must mean there was more to it, but…he can’t imagine what. Kakashi guiltily appreciates his innocence, almost wishes that was really how it was. “While that was part of it…it was more than that.”

He stands a little taller. “Despite what you went through growing up, despite having every reason in the world to hate this village and its people, you were such a good kid at heart, Naruto. You had people you cared about who cared about you, and I knew those bonds were something you wouldn’t throw away for anything. I was more than confident I didn’t have to worry about you falling into darkness.”

Naruto looks away shyly, a happy, touched smile painting his lips. Shikamaru, watching, softens. He’s got that right…

“But Sasuke…” Kakashi frowns deeply, “…he wasn’t like you. He didn’t accept any of the bonds offered here, even with his own teammates. All he saw were the bonds he lost, the sullied bond of revenge with Itachi the only one he saw as worth anything. He worried me like nothing else, so I put almost all of my time and effort into trying to keep him from straying.” He mentally kicks himself for this for the thousandth time, curling into himself some. “I didn’t realize at the time how badly I was neglecting you and Sakura. You both had to find teachers of your own because I wasn’t there for you the way I should have been…” He sighs wearily, scrubbing a hand down his face. “In short, I wasn’t a very good sensei to you, nowhere near what I should have been, and I’m sorry.” He bows as low as he can. “I’m so sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but…I just needed you to know.”

There’s a long moment of stretching silence. Naruto’s pretty sure he’s forgotten to breathe. Then, “What…what are you talking about?”

The sheer shock and incredulity in his voice makes Kakashi snap up, eye wide, and he slowly straightens as Naruto elaborates.

“Kakashi-sensei, if I really thought you had anything to apologize for, if there was anything at all to forgive, I’d tell you. But there’s not. The fact is, what you did…” He looks down at his bandaged hand and closes his eyes, can’t help falling tender. Shikamaru watches him closely. He’s remembering Master Jiraiya a lot lately. He hopes it heals more than hurts. When Naruto looks up at Kakashi again, his grin is bright and gentle at once. “I got to spend some of the best years of my life training with Pervy Sage, and Sakura finally got to channel her strength and smarts into something she loves with Granny Tsunade. It ended up being the best possible thing for us.” He chuckles. “No offense, but you couldn’t have taught us what they did. It would’ve been pretty funny to see you try, though.”

Kakashi, even as shell-shocked as he is, can’t say he’s really surprised. This is Naruto they’re talking about, after all. He’s always seen things a little differently, and especially in situations like this, maybe it’s for the best. He chuckles and finds himself smiling. “Yes, I suppose you’re right about that. I’d look ridiculous trying to spit toad oil…”

Naruto snickers right along with him just imagining it, Shikamaru joining in.

“Besides,” the blond continues after a moment, “Sakura and I are still here, right? If we really hated you for all that, we wouldn’t be.” His smile turns a bit sad, maybe a little guilty, but it’s empathetic to the utmost, too. “The truth is, sensei…Pervy Sage told me a long time ago that it was always going to be this way with Sasuke. He said it was destined to happen, and…looking back…I think he was right. All the signs pointed that way. I just…didn’t want to listen, and apparently,” he points to his nose, a small laugh escaping, “Sakura’s even worse than me.” Blue eyes kind, his expression turns gentle, yet firm. “So please, don’t blame yourself for Sasuke’s mistakes. It wasn’t your fault. It would have happened with any of the other senseis, too. I’m sure of it.”

He tilts his head a bit, his loving, devil-may-care beam coming back in full force. “I wouldn’t want anyone else for a sensei anyway. You’re the only one I’d ever accept. I’m so happy and grateful to have you in my life.” A heartbeat, and then the softest look overtakes his face, voice following. “I love you, Kakashi-sensei. Thank you for everything.”

A split second, there’s a flash, and the next thing he knows, Kakashi-sensei is hugging him. Kakashi-sensei. Hugging him. He can’t remember if he’s ever done it before, but in his defense, he’s pretty sure his brain is overloading with disbelief and joy. Given a moment or two, Naruto finally snaps out of it enough to hug him back as tightly as he can, burying his face in his middle and breathing him in.

“I…I…l-love you, too…Naruto…” Kakashi whispers, and if Naruto feels the desperation and maybe even senses some touch-starved tendencies in his embrace, he won’t tell a soul. He just curls a light fist in his vest and holds his teacher closer. Who knows if he’s going to get an opportunity like this again any time soon, if ever?

Once Kakashi’s composed himself a few minutes later, he doesn’t leave. Instead, he sits right there on the bed at Naruto’s side, and the look in his eyes is even more of an inferno than before. “I’m going to tell you every last thing Lord Third ever wanted kept from you.” Naruto’s eyes widen, heart starting to pound at the weight to those words, but he just swallows and nods. He knows Kakashi will tell him what he means by that without him asking. “At the time, it was mostly to keep you safe and partly because, if you’ll recall, you were something of a loudmouth.”

Shikamaru smirks and can’t help but tease, elbowing his friend gently, “Yeah, and that’s being generous.”

Of course, all Naruto can do to that is smirk right back and snicker mischievously. He was the terror of the village with his pranks, all right.

“Yes, well…” Kakashi concedes, “…you had good reasons for them.” Shikamaru nods, expression softening and darkening at once. No denying that. “I’m making the executive decision to tell you now because you’re older and more mature than you were during Lord Third’s time. You’ll take it better and won’t go popping your mouth off about it like you might have then. About this, anyway. I also know that Lady Tsunade, as much as she cares for you, would want you to know. ”

Naruto takes all that in for a few seconds and then nods. “O-okay… So…what’s all this about, sensei?”

Kakashi takes a deep breath, even deeper than the last one, and Naruto swears yellow lightning flashes across his eye. “Naruto…you are the son of the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze.”

Instantly, the room goes dead silent. A wide-eyed Naruto forgets to breathe—hell, he thinks he may have forgotten how. Shikamaru’s much the same.

“I’m…I’m what…?” he whispers, barely even that, after a few more seconds, trying to wrap his mind around it. This is…he’s always wondered about his parents, but…but this…?!

Shikamaru sits as straight as a ramrod, eyes narrowing and hands clutching his knees so tightly, his knuckles go white. “Wait, sensei…are you…you’re being serious right now?”

Kakashi nods. Naruto doesn’t think he’s ever seen him more serious. “I am. With everything in me. I swear on my Ninja Way, you are Minato’s son.”

Naruto gulps, sitting back, possibly in even more shock than he was before. He knows Kakashi-sensei would never lie about this, especially if it meant soiling something so precious to him. “W-wait, but—how do you know? Did you know him or something, sensei?”

Kakashi takes another breath and sighs lightly, crossing his arms and looking up at the ceiling again. He closes his eye while he thinks. It’s been so long since he’s deliberately thought of all this. He feels increasingly nauseous and afraid, silly as that might seem, but…he promised to tell him… “He was…he was my sensei…”

Naruto gasps, an excited, ecstatic beam springing to his face, Shikamaru mirroring it. He doesn’t want to hurt his sensei – he’s using that voice that says it hurts to talk about this – but he has to admit, this really is incredible! Of all the people in the world who could have turned out to be his father…! Despite his own wants, though, he swallows and does his best to rein himself in, expression gentling. “I know this is hurting you, sensei, so…we can stop. I don’t want to bring up any bad memories for you. I…I appreciate you telling me what you have already.”

Kakashi blinks, and then softens. This kid, honestly… He shakes his head. “I appreciate that, Naruto, more than you know. But this is something I have to do for you…” he glances upward and smiles softly, never mind that it’s half-pained, “…and for myself, too.”

He’s so, so tired of lying to this poor boy. Naruto deserves better, and damn it, he’s finally going to do right by him. He’s wanted to for a long time, he just…wasn’t strong enough. This won’t be easy for him, he knows, but he meant what he said. He’s not going to back out now, not when this is just the first step in making things right with Naruto.

He won’t make excuses. But in his heart, he hopes his sensei and Kushina will understand and forgive him for taking so long.

Naruto watches him for a few more seconds to make sure he’s really okay, then nods. “All right, if you’re sure.” His smile widens, never condescending, just kind. “If it gets to be too much, though, you can stop whenever you need to. I won’t mind, I promise.”

Kakashi nods, smile growing. “Right. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Naruto responds in kind, and then gets back to business. “So my—my Dad really was your sensei, sensei? For real?” His blue eyes shine just thinking about it. Beside him, Shikamaru’s brown eyes are bright and attentive, laser focused.

Knowing that just hearing about it won’t be enough to satisfy the two boys, Kakashi’s already reaching past his vest into a specially sewn-in secret pocket of his shirt to pull out a small, old photograph he carries with him everywhere he goes. He’s worked hard to keep it in good condition. There’s a bigger copy on his nightstand at home.

It’s his old team photo, the first and last he ever took with them. It’s his most prized possession alongside his Sharingan and the specialized med kit Rin gave him all those years ago.

Both boys look like kids on Christmas, but especially Naruto. He looks like he’s about to cry, but keeps it back. He points a shaky finger at the grinning blond man in the middle of the photo, unable to take his eyes off of him. “Is that…is that him?” he whispers, voice slightly thick, almost not daring to hope or believe. “Is that…?”

“Your father, yes,” Kakashi confirms gently, fondness in every note.

He can only stare for a long couple moments before wanting to know, “What…what was he like?”

Kakashi hums in thought, looking up at the ceiling again. It hits Naruto that maybe he’s looking up toward Heaven, toward his parents and the others he’s lost. Maybe it makes him feel closer to them. “He was the best sensei I could have ever asked for. I was five years old when I made genin and was assigned to him, but he never treated me like I was anything but an equal. I appreciated that more than anything. He was the strongest ninja I’ve ever met. He perfected the Second Hokage’s fledgling Flying Thunder God Technique, calling it the Flying Raijin, which lets a user mark weapons or people or anything else he wants and get there in a flash, almost like teleportation. It was incredible. He used it to be as fast as a flash of lightning across the sky. He saved my life with it once. That’s how he earned the nickname ‘Yellow Flash of the Leaf.’”

He smiles even more. “Of course, while that might have made his enemies quake in their boots and the village adore and respect him, that wasn’t what made his peers and students like me love him so much. Minato was kind and patient and insanely smart, a brilliant tactician. He was so loving, too. Sometimes, I thought that might be the only thing in him, there was so much of it. I wish…” he pauses, realizing he was letting his heart lead the conversation instead of his head; his smile falls tender, “…I wish I’d had more time with him…”

Naruto is quiet while he processes all this, does his best to burn it into his memory. He just keeps staring at the image of his father in his beloved sensei’s hand, though there’s a different white-haired, red-painted face there, too, in his mind’s eye. “I know the feeling…” he tells him softly, peering up at Kakashi with deep blue eyes that communicate empathy beyond words. There’s a tiny, kind smile on his face. “I wish you did, too, sensei…”

Kakashi can’t help the warmth in his returning grin. “Thank you, Naruto. I wish you could have met him.”

Naruto melts a little more and hums in agreement, and then he perks up like he just remembered something important. “Oh! What—what about my mom? Who was she? She must have been an Uzumaki, right?”

Kakashi nods, and there’s something suddenly soft, more so than with Minato, in his expression. He breathes a laugh. “Yes, she was. Her name was Kushina, and she had hair as red as could be. She was known for it, alongside her temper and strength. The way I heard it, ever since she was a little girl at the Academy, the boys used to make fun of her round face and red hair, calling her ‘tomato,’ so she beat them all up. It wasn’t long before she earned the nickname Red-Hot Habanero.” He laughs, unable to help himself as he remembers some of the stories she and Minato used to tell him growing up. “She was one of the strongest and most skilled shinobi in the village, right alongside your father. She was the best sealer we had, and she taught Minato everything she knew.” He eyes Naruto pointedly, voice lowering some sensitively. “She was also the Nine Tails Jinchuuriki before you.”

Naruto’s eyes go wide and a light gasp leaves him, his mouth dropping open some. At his side, Shikamaru looks between him and Kakashi, eyes narrowing. “So, wait, was it a lineage thing? Is that why Naruto was chosen to be the next vessel? But then why choose the day he was born? Seems a little cruel to inflict something like that on a newborn baby, don’t you think?”

Kakashi sits back a bit and scratches his head with a heavy sigh. He’s been doing a lot of that today, and he thinks he’ll be doing a lot more of it before this is over. “That…is where it gets complicated…”

He tells them all about the night Naruto was born – how a masked man stole into the village to extract the Nine Tails from Kushina and release it onto the Leaf, how every option she and Minato had to deal with the Fox except seal it inside Naruto was cut off, how they shielded Naruto with their own bodies when the Nine Tails overheard and attacked, and, after sealing the Fox inside him with the Eight Trigrams Seal, told him that they believed in Naruto and his ability to control the Nine Tails one day, choosing to spend their last moments showering him with all the love they had inside them.

Shikamaru is speechless. He knew about the Nine Tails’ attack on the village and all, but he never knew it went down like that. Never knew it involved Naruto directly, though thinking about it now, it makes a lot of sense. Glancing over at Naruto, though…he swallows, heart sinking. He wants to reach over to comfort him, but…he’s not sure he should.

Naruto’s bandaged hand is curled tightly in his hospital gown at his stomach, just over his seal, and while tears are streaming down his face, it’s hard to tell if he’s angry or sad or horrified. Maybe it’s all three. Hell, maybe he’s not sure how to feel. Shikamaru wouldn’t blame him for that. He’s only listening, and he’s not entirely sure himself.

Shikamaru’s not wrong. Naruto…doesn’t know how to feel at all. Ever since he learned of its existence, he’s always felt resentment for the Nine Tails. It was the reason the village hated him and he didn’t have anyone for so long. And now, given he just learned it killed his parents, too…he wants to hate it. Viciously, all-encompassingly, no holds barred.

But…he can’t. Its chakra has pulled him out of some truly tough spots, and this time…it used its own chakra to save his life, putting its own on the line in the process. He remembers the flash of protectiveness he felt in that moment, never mind that it was done with dragging paws. It might have only been because they share a body, and if Naruto dies, it does, too, but…then why the protectiveness at all? Why…why feel anything for him but disdain and disgust? Why tell him not to give up, which seems like something one would only say to someone they care about? It just…doesn’t make sense to him…

But maybe…he can at least start to find out when he talks to the Nine Tails himself.

They give him a few minutes, and when he finally wipes away his tears and sniffs, he nods at Kakashi. “I-I see…” his voice cracks, but he figured it would. He gives a barely-there, conflicted smile. “Thank you for telling me, sensei.”

Kakashi nods, wishing this didn’t have to be so painful for him. “Of course… You deserve to know.” Suddenly, a thought hits him that he hopes will cheer him up a little, and the man offers a small, semi-amused grin. “I bet you’ll never guess who the ANBU security detail was while your mom was pregnant.”

Naruto blinks at the abrupt topic change, but still tries to think of anyone in the ANBU that he knows. “It couldn’t have been Sai ‘cause he wasn’t born yet…and Captain Yamato wasn’t part of the Hokage’s ANBU, so…”

Kakashi chuckles. “Nope.” His smile grows. “It was me.”

Naruto gasps, pointing at him. “W-wait, for real? You, Kakashi-sensei?”

He nods. “Mm hmm! I was Minato’s top student and a captain in the ANBU at the time. Things in the ANBU were getting a little rough for a thirteen-year-old, so he wanted to give me a breather. Besides, being trusted with something as important as watching over the woman who was practically my mother and being able to care for you and make my surrogate father proud at the same time…” He basks in the glow of that memory’s feeling for a moment. “What more could I have asked for?”

Naruto looks at him like he’s just hung the starting moon outside, practically with stars in his eyes. “Whoa…! So, you’re, like, my guardian angel or something, huh, sensei?”

Kakashi flushes at the comparison, raising his hands feebly. “W-well, I…don’t know if I’d go that far, but…I appreciate the sentiment.”

Naruto just grins sunnily before turning back to the picture. “Okay, so I know that’s you.” He points at the obviously younger Kakashi, grumpy and side-eyeing the black-haired boy to his left. He chuckles. “You were a really cute kid, sensei,” he can’t help but tell him.

Kakashi blushes a little more, an embarrassed laugh escaping him. “T-thank you…”

Naruto’s finger moves to the girl at the bottom, in the middle of Kakashi and the other boy. “Who’s she? She’s your teammate, right?”

Kakashi melts, that soft, fond, nostalgic tone coming back to his voice. “Remember that friend with the medical expertise I mentioned? This was her. Her name was Rin Nohara, and she was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.” He winks. “Alongside you and Obito, that is.”

Naruto smiles shyly, but brightly, flushing at the high compliment. He’s not sure who Obito is, but he’s guessing he’ll find out. Shikamaru breathes a laugh, unable to keep from melting as he watches Naruto. That’s probably the truest core assessment he’s ever heard. Naruto points at the medical ninja armband Rin’s wearing in the photo, an old style they’ve updated for the new generation. “Hey, wait, so does this mean she was your team’s medical ninja?”

Kakashi grins with pride. “Yes. Yes, she was. She was only thirteen, but she was the most advanced medical ninja in our class, especially for her age.”

Naruto gasps excitedly, eyes shining. “Wait, so she was like our Sakura? That’s so cool!”

Kakashi laughs, this one more genuine. Naruto’s relieved to see his smile matches. “Yes. Less brash and violent—besides defending us on missions, I don’t think Rin had a mean bone in her body—but essentially, yes. To be honest, I rarely got hurt in the field, but—” he breathes a laugh; he’s saying more than he means to, really, but he blames the nostalgia and the fact that he hasn’t talked about his old team openly in…longer than Naruto’s been alive, he thinks, “—she wanted to make sure someone else knew at least some of what she did beyond the basics in case we were ever separated or she got hurt or taken out on a mission.

“Mostly for…” his finger drifts a few millimeters to land on the goggles-wearing boy with spiky black hair beside Kakashi, “…his sake. His name was Obito Uchiha, and he…” his voice goes softer here and keeps going, probably without him realizing, expression following with some sadness sneaking in, too, “…he was my rival and, admittedly, the closest thing I had to a best friend. The closest thing I’d let myself have, anyway, at the time.”

Naruto can’t help but notice that Kakashi seems so…conflicted about this Obito guy, so sorry and grateful at once. Could it be something like him and Sasuke? Or…is it more than that? He doesn’t miss the way he keeps saying ‘was’ about both him and Rin, so…

“Like I mentioned before, he was another of those kindest people I’ve ever met, so loudly friendly and adoring and not caring who knew it. He was perpetually late to everything because he was always helping out the elderly in the village. They adored him. Looking back, it was cute, honestly.” He laughs, remembering it. “Like you, he was loud and proud and dreamed of being Hokage someday. And on top of that, he was so in love with Rin, ever since they were small, it was almost sad. Sweet, but sad because…” he blushes and chuckles, a bit embarrassed to admit this part, even all these years later, “…w-well, he…knew how she felt about me…”

Naruto and Shikamaru’s eyes go wide at that, and they look at each other with matching enthused grins. “Whoa! No way! Kakashi, you had a girlfriend?! She was so pretty and smart, just like Sakura! You’re so lucky!” Naruto praises.

Shikamaru chuckles and smirks. “I gotta admit, sensei, I never really pictured you with anyone besides your dirty books, but someone like her? She doesn’t seem like she’d be too needy or naggy, so,” he shrugs, “I can see it.” He winks. “Good job.”

Kakashi waves his hand, turning almost red. “Whoa, whoa, boys! I appreciate the support, but that’s actually…not what happened.” They both blink, raising twin eyebrows. “I didn’t…share her feelings. Not because there was anything wrong with her, of course not. On the contrary, I would have been damn lucky to have someone like her by my side. I just…well, it was complicated on my part. She understood my reasons, though, and did her best to care for me regardless. As for Obito…” he softens again, “…all he wanted was her happiness, so even if it ended with him hurt, he did his best to be there for her and even encouraged her feelings for me.” He breathes a barely-there laugh, appreciating and heartbroken at once. “It was…admirable. Yeah… That’s what it was.” His gaze slides to Naruto. “It actually reminds me a lot of you with Sakura and Sasuke.”

Naruto blushes brightly, and Shikamaru snickers, unable to help himself. Once he shakes that off, he looks back to his sensei, expression serious. “So…what happened to him?” he asks quietly, gently, not wanting to open anything if he doesn’t have to. He’s trying to give him an out, honestly, not that he thinks his teacher will take it.

Kakashi’s eye falls, and he goes silent. The room around him, too, the very air, is suddenly devoid of sound, Naruto swears. He also thinks it’s gotten at least a few degrees colder. It lasts for a good minute or two until Kakashi, staring at his team photo, at Obito in particular, says, voice barely above a whisper, “I’m not an Uchiha.”

Naruto cocks his head, a small “Huh?” leaving him. “Well, yeah… Of course you’re not…”

Shikamaru, on the other hand, clues in almost immediately. “And yet you have a Sharingan.”

Kakashi’s eye flicks back up, voice a little stronger this time. “And do you know how that’s possible?”

Shikamaru thinks, Naruto looking to him because he’s still confused, but also honestly intrigued. “The only way a person can have a Sharingan if they’re not born with Uchiha blood is…” his sharp eyes snap up to meet Kakashi’s, “…transplantation.”

A nod. “Exactly.”

Naruto’s eyes widen, and he turns back to Kakashi. “W-wait, so…your Sharingan… You’re saying it’s…it was someone else’s?”

He feels like an idiot, like he should have already known that, and maybe he already did on some level. But figuring something for years and finding out it’s true are two completely different things.

A long inhale through his nose, and Kakashi holds it while he moves his crossed leg the tiniest bit so it’s touching Naruto’s. Even that small source of warmth helps ground him. He exhales slowly through his mouth. It’s a calming exercise Rin taught him years ago, and it always helps. He’s still so grateful. “Yes, Naruto. It was…” he glances down at the photograph, voice lowering again, “…it was Obito’s…”

Naruto’s eyes widen, drifting to the picture again. For Kakashi to be the only one of his Dad’s students left to protect his Mom…he must have been young, really young, when all this happened, right…? He feels his heart and stomach sink, and he can’t help swallowing before asking, “Are you…sure you want to tell us? You don’t have to, really. I don’t...” He shakes his head and starts over, a sweet smile coming as he reaches out to cradle Kakashi’s photo hand with his. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is to hurt you, sensei…”

Kakashi’s gaze finds Naruto’s, and a helpless, easy smile rides his tiny sigh. He still has no idea how far he’d really go for him, does he? Compared to that…this is nothing. Bringing up his other hand, he sandwiches Naruto’s between his and squeezes. “I know, Naruto,” he tells him softly, so much more grateful than he will probably ever understand. “Believe me, I know. But this will be good for you two as well as me, I promise. I haven’t…I can’t…remember the last time I talked about Obito and Rin when I wasn’t visiting their graves…and they deserve more. Better.” He smiles. “Maybe…you can help with that.”

Naruto’s eyes widen, understanding the weight he’s putting on this. “O-of course, sensei…”

At his side, Shikamaru nods, rare conviction he’s only found recently lighting his eyes. “We’re all ears, sensei.”

Sitting back a bit, Kakashi lays his photo on the bed and crosses his arms, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling again as he thinks. “In order for all this to make sense…I suppose I’ll have to start at the beginning.” He takes a deep breath. This…is going to be difficult. “About six months ago, Naruto, you learned that the White Fang of the Leaf was my father. His real name was Sakumo Hatake, and he was one of the strongest ninja in the Leaf.”

He goes on to tell them about his father’s top secret mission behind enemy lines that he abandoned in order to save his captured teammates during the Third Great Ninja War, how the village and those same comrades vilified and ostracized him for it, and how the emotional and physical toll it had on him were so great that, eventually, he took his own life…and Kakashi, still just a little boy, was the one who found him.

Naruto sheds a good few tears, but he’s also curling a tight fist in his sheets and gritting his teeth. He wants to argue for Kakashi’s father’s sake, but—they undoubtedly already know how he feels, and especially in Kakashi’s case, he knows better than anyone how awful and unfair and wrong that was. Besides…he knows it would be easier for Kakashi if he’s able to get it all out at once. Swallowing, he nods for Kakashi to continue.

“After that…I stuck to the ninja rules like it was life or death. Because, to me…it was. Even when I was on a team with Minato-sensei, Rin, and Obito, I didn’t lighten up at all. Obito and I fought over it constantly.” He chuckles. “We were always at each other’s throats. Minato-sensei tried to help me, but…nothing could sway me. I was sure that was the only way to survive in this ninja world.” He takes a deep breath. “And then…that day came…the day that changed my whole outlook on life and,” he reaches up to rest delicate fingers over his Sharingan eye, other eye deep in his memories already, “gave me this eye.”

Naruto and Shikamaru both swallow thickly, mouths dry and hearts already starting to pound. Kakashi, for his part…without these two here to ground him, no matter how many years it’s been…he’s not sure he’d be able to get through this. He thanks everything for them.

“It was a mission that, if successful, would eventually lead the Hidden Leaf to victory in the war. While Minato-sensei was securing a place for our men elsewhere, the three of us were to take out Kannabi Bridge, the epicenter of the enemy’s most important supply route, which was guarded by a group of Stone ninja.”

He tells them every last detail about that mission. How Rin was captured and Obito wanted to go after her, but Kakashi refused because it would be breaking the rules; how Obito told him he believed Kakashi’s father was a great hero and he’d go after Rin just like he did his teammates no matter what; and how he repaired and revived Kakashi’s long-broken, dead heart with what would eventually become his Ninja Way.

“As much as I tried to deny it out of fear of losing them like I lost my father, I did care for Rin and Obito, so much more than I was ever brave enough to let on. I was a coward, the worst kind…”

He tells them how he went after Obito to save Rin and lost his eye saving him, and then how Obito awakened his Sharingan returning the favor. “It was the first time he’d ever actually taken a life, but he was the kind of person who would do anything to protect his friends,” he smiles gently, proudly, at his charge, “not unlike you, Naruto.”

He goes on about how they managed to save Rin, but…that’s when things went horribly wrong. How one of the Stone ninja brought the whole cave down on top of them, how Kakashi was knocked out for just a few seconds when a rock hit his bad eye, but…it was enough. His voice shakes here, and he curls shaking hands into white-knuckled fists. He feels almost sick retelling this part, but he presses on. He tells them how Obito ended up saving him, but couldn’t save himself from the boulder the size of a building, how it crushed his entire right side, how…how he was dying right in front of them, but all he had to ask was if they were okay…

Naruto’s never seen his sensei cry before. Honestly, he never thought he would. Maybe that was stupid and naïve of him. To be fair, Kakashi isn’t crying much yet, just a few tears here and there, but…still. Not that Naruto would ever judge him for that. Of course not, especially when he doesn’t have any room to talk himself. He’s crying much more than his sensei, harder than he even normally might be by now if it weren’t for seeing his teacher cry.

Kakashi, for his part, is just staring at his palm where his tears have landed in shock. He’s…crying…? He hasn’t cried in… The last time he cried was…when Obito…and Rin…and then when Minato-sensei and Kushina…but not…not since…! He…actually forgot how it felt to cry, how gross and vulnerable and raw it makes him feel. No wonder he repressed these memories and the emotions tied to them so much. But still…now that he’s started, he doesn’t think he can hope to stop. Thankfully, he knows Naruto and Shikamaru would be the last to judge him for something like this.

Tears or no, he forges ahead to tell them about how Obito said he wanted to give him his gift for making jounin and squad captain before he died, that he hadn’t before not out of spite or malice like Kakashi thought, but because he couldn’t think of anything good enough for the boy he secretly admired. Kakashi told them how Obito had praised and believed in him fully, how, at Obito’s behest, once the transplant was done Kakashi used his gift to defeat the enemy outside so he and Rin could escape, and then…how he and Rin had stayed by Obito’s side until the last possible moment.

Kakashi’s broken a good bit more by this point, shoulders trembling, head hanging, many more tears falling than before. Naruto’s tears are absolutely flooding his face while his shoulders quake horribly, but he’s biting his shaking, white-knuckled fist so his sobs don’t interrupt. Shikamaru has a hand on his back, rubbing it in a way he hopes will soothe him, at least a little.

Once they both calm down a little several minutes later, Kakashi keeps going with the last stretch. It’s Rin’s turn this time, and…Naruto can’t help the way his stomach sinks even lower. He can tell dredging up all this is taking a toll on his sensei. He’s just…not sure what kind. He seems like he’s tearing himself asunder, and yet…he also seems…better for it, too? The way he holds his head and shoulders just a tiny bit higher than usual, the light in his dark eye slowly getting brighter than he thinks he’s ever seen it.

Shikamaru gulps. He’s seeing an incredibly vulnerable side of Kakashi here that he never thought he’d see. He almost feels like he shouldn’t be here, like he’s invading a ridiculously private moment, but…if he didn’t want him here, Kakashi would say so, and he thinks he wants him here for Naruto, too. Hell, maybe it’s to help ground them both, seeing as he’s the only one able to keep his head between the three of them. Not that he’s saying there’s anything wrong with crying like they are, of course. Being a ninja and keeping an open heart…like Kakashi said, it’s a difficult thing, but man, is it admirable. If anything, this is just another example of why Naruto’s methods, while unorthodox, can touch and change other shinobis’ hearts so easily. Still…he wishes he could do more.

Kakashi tells them about how, months following Obito’s death, they were nearly done with a top secret mission when Rin was captured by Hidden Mist ninja, who sealed the Three Tails inside of her and planned to unleash it on the Leaf the second she stepped foot inside the village. How Rin begged him to kill her to protect the village, but Kakashi vehemently refused because that would be breaking his promise to take care of her to Obito and vowed to find another way, how they were ambushed by more Mist ninja, and then…how Rin chose to die…

A sharp jolt, and a lurching, pained sob suddenly leaps from Naruto’s throat, loud and strangled and ugly. It makes them all jump, Naruto, too, not even realizing it was coming, but he just lets his raining tears fall and clutches the right side of his chest opposite his heart, gritting his teeth against more harsh sobs. At first, they’re worried, thinking something might be wrong, but then they look closer and realize...

That side of his chest…that reaction to what Kakashi’s Lightning Blade must have felt like…the pain in his expression… Shikamaru’s expression goes dark, his hand on Naruto’s shoulder tightening as he bites back a curse, while Kakashi squeezes teary eyes shut for a moment, a strangled sound escaping him as well.

Sasuke’s Chidori…a copy of Kakashi’s Lightning Blade, at the time corrupted by Orochimaru’s Cursed Seal of Heaven…left a similar hole in Naruto’s own chest just a few years ago…

His reaction just drives it all home to Kakashi, who was already on the precipice of breaking entirely, and as his own tears threaten to become a river, Naruto looks up at him with a deep, gasping breath, the end a choking sob. Lifting his good arm, he waves him forward, almost begging, but he’d never force him. They both know that. And yet...

The next thing Kakashi knows, he’s reaching forward to let himself be pulled into Naruto’s strong, warm, safe hold. He feels like a child again, like he should be the one offering comfort to his precious student…but he also can’t imagine any other way this could go or anywhere else in the world he’d rather be.

“Y-you did well, sensei…” Naruto whispers, voice thick and cracking and splintered, but he doesn’t care. He curls warm, gentle fingers in silver hair. “Y-you’ve done enough…s-so much more… You—you can rest now…”

That’s all it takes. Kakashi shatters, utterly and completely and entirely unceremoniously.

Through it all, Naruto stays.

[elegiesforshiva]

This is a review for the amazing sasusaku fanfic Perpetual Winter by @thefangirlslair It’s a brilliant modern AU and I highly recommend it!!!  You can read it on fanfiction.net or tumblr :)))) FF: c l i c kkkk Tumblr: Part I, Special Chapter, Part II And time for a criminally late and obscenely long review!!!

Pt I

Winter has never been his favorite season

Damn what an intro, I’m already getting angst vibes lmao.  I really like how you set the scene and stage the world of this AU.  I didn’t expect the existence of clans in this piece, with it being a modern AU, but this is such a fascinating twist on the setting to me. I loved how you described Naruto’s endurance as unnatural, “like there’s a demon living inside him” and Sasuke and his clan have inexplicable warmth….inexplicable do I dare say…fire ???? ;))))))

Lmao seriously what a great way to pay homage to canon though.  I love these attributes!

Modern au Sasuke that reads poetry and drinks coffee is a brand of pretentiousness I can get behind

Aaaaaaa omg I really REALLY REALLY fucking love this intro!  I love how you describe Sasuke as appreciating liveliness, and vibrance—which we can honestly assume is canon with how his two closest people are the embodiment of these traits.  And I love how you tie it back into the seasons.  This really gives so much life to that motif in this story, and the title. That was clever af

…he was taken back to the time where winter was just a mere season, Bon Iver was playing on their shared earphones, and Sakura was his. 

WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST FUCKING DESTROYED ME WHAT A WAY TO SEGWAY INTO THE NEXT SCENE OOOOF IM KSJDFHLJSAKFL

There are so many things I love about this following scene…  you really know how to write a couple in casual, mutual love.  The banter and candidness of their interaction just has me floored. I also REALLY love that this is from Sasuke’s perspective, and how even though he doesn’t have an overwhelming amount of dialogue, we’re in his head, and his appreciation and love for Sakura just radiates.  Lines like these:  

From her latest discovered band to a recent discovery in medicine by a genius dude whose name he doesn’t even remember, she shares it with him. Favorite anime character, favorite memory with him, favorite pair of underwear — he knows it all because she’s that open to him about things she love.

They’re just….so good. I can hear his voice, his ardor, and his impeccable understanding of Sakura’s personality while also expressiong his own.  The choice of having the narrative skewed through his lens was def a good decision. And ugh this piece is just overwhelmingly amazing already

He doesn’t know the pain to be dealt with when you’ve broken up with someone because Sakura was his first girlfriend. And honestly, he doesn’t, couldn’t, even think about being apart from her. Just the thought of them breaking up already makes him panic a little. He always thought to himself, ‘I will never let that happen.’

Okay this paragraph……………this paragraph tho……..dropping this.  KNOWING. They’re gonna break up……….HOW DARE U

Seriously, what powerful writing.  I don’t know how you do it……

I think it’s incredibly interesting that you chose music to be the catalyst for this beautiful, climactic moment of closeness  My best friend/partner and I have had convos before about it, and she and i once talked about how we think of sex with music lol.  I don’t know how to entirely explain myself on that, or where I’m really going with this, but I get the same vibe here too.  Music that’s close to you is like an artistic intimacy and there’s something very personal and vulnerable about it.  Maybe it’s an auditory thing, like getting lost in one of those guided meditations.  (idk if you’ve ever had one that actually worked, they don’t always for me, but when they do god damn, it’s unreal)  Either way, I really loved the way this scene played out, it was highly relatable and highly emotional, and I feel serenity and ardor just reading it.  Beautifully done.

I love the way you moved back to the present and we immediately feel the differences and the similarities.  The fondness and affection is still there, if not a little more muted, and it’s so obvious they still have feelings for each other.  But there’s definitely moments that speak to their separation too, with the little differences in Sakura that Sasuke notices, or instances like her no longer drinking coffee or him deciding to open the door.

I really like how you inserted the interaction with Kakashi too.  One thing I’m quickly noticing about this fic and your writing is how you very stealthily relay information to us readers.  It’s seamless and entertaining, and I’m learning about this world and the past in ways that are so attention grabbing I don’t even notice it.

Also Itachi’s death and the way you handled it from Sasuke’s pov is so reminiscent of canon and also so gut wrenching.  The lines 

How dare Itachi leave him alone? How dare Itachi sacrifice himself and die? How dare Itachi pass his responsibilities onto his shoulders… 

especially gutted me because of how is stands in stark parallels to the Sasuke we know in canon.  This really smacked my head around with feels….poor Sasuke

OMFG POOR SASUKE !!!?!?!??!?!??!? THAT ENDING OOOLOGDSLGFSLKDGHLSDHFLKDFHVSLKV WHAT A FUCKING CURVE BALL LMAO

I mean maybe I should have seen that coming because like of course!!!  But also I’M LOSING M Y SHIT HAHAHAHAAA

I can’t wait to see how this unfolds!!!!!

Special Chapter

This is such a powerful scene to start with.  Itachi’s entire character was such a major influence in canon and seeing the way his death is affecting everyone now is so emotional.  I feel so bad for Sasuke, having to take on all the burdens Itachi had left behind for him.

Also these lines:

“Mikoto cried, “Don’t you think it’s too soon? I just buried my first-born just barely a week ago and now we’re discussing how you’re gonna ruin my youngest’s life just like you did with Itachi?!”

The way her voice cracked when she said his brother’s name broke his heart. She’s still grieving, probably forever, and here they are talking about Sasuke’s suicide.”

Literally killed me. Dead.  Deceased.  Fallen to the Void.  It’s so brilliant and powerful, and speaks so deeply on their dysfunctional family dynamics and feelings with so few lines.  Really loved this…

This next scene was so stark and sad and beautiful.  I meant to comment and pull lines again, but I couldn't stop reading tbh.  Sasuke's thoughts and emotions concerning Sakura are so vividly gentle and full of praise.  There's such a soft worship in the way you write his feelings towards her and tbh it's my absolute and only interpretation of feelings I care for concerning the depiction of their relationship.  Still, you do this with a certain cleverness and mastery.  It's really so moving for me...

The dream sequence that follows is absolutely debilitating, but so well done.  I got the sense it was a dream only a few lines in just from the bluntness of the lines.  It was truly very dream-like lol.  I really could feel the panic and guilt along all of his inner turmoil.  It's incredibly horrific to have such a dream about murder just after Itachi's too.  This was devastating.

I really loved the way Sakura calms him groom the panic/anxiety attack.  I've actually had a similar experience once, where I woke up from a nightmare and I was very frightened and stiff and couldn't really articulate myself.  I remember I had felt deep horror and self loathing and nothing else.  (I still remember the nightmare too, it was horrible.)  My best friend at the time just threw herself on the bed and held me.

It's so crazy how grounding touch can be.  I really felt that with Sasuke and Sakura too.  The comfort she offers him is so seamless to her character and so ardently palpable.  The repetition of "I got you" really touched me especially.  It breaks my heart knowing the inevitable end of their relationship to come.

Oooooohhhh daaamnnnnn

I did NOT see the raunchy sex coming lmfao!!  Although in hindsight, I probably should have.  You already told us how they tend to get down and dirty when emotions run high with the arguments and make-up sex.  I imagine this is instigated by Sasuke often, with him struggling to articulate his need for Sakura verbally so he does so physically.  And I imagine Sakura is just kinky enough to crave this sort of animal want.  

I do love how sexual interactions are easily moving in tandem with their emotions, how it just feels like another mode of communication.  Sasuke breaking down during it leaves me feeling so tender too.  It's tragic

She smiled. Sasuke doesn't know if he wants that smile or not.

These exit lines are going to fucking kill me istg

The following events honestly hurts to read because Damn haven't we all been there...  the fallout of a relationship to the point where you're just dragging it through the mud… it’s a true deterioration of soul and you capture that slow death so well.  I really feel terrible for Sakura—Sasuke too—but it sucks for her to be in the dark like this.  

I love the way you write Karin!!!  Honestly, I think it really mirrors the way she's written in canon.  She's cold and strategically loud and generally calculating and overall kind of apathetic.  She doesn't really know the value of meaningful relationships (and therefore doesn't prioritize them) until much later on in the series.  I definitely get this sense of her here too.  She's a little cold, but not cruel, and she has the pragmatic values of her and Sasuke's union in mind as she agrees to it all.  I really like how you made her personality come through here.

Meanwhile there’s him, sucking all the hard traits from their father. His competitive streak, arrogant way of speaking, harsh words — it’s all Fugaku. And suddenly, he feels so exhausted.

This line hit me so hard. I love this fic already for an endless number of reasons but a striking one is how well you interrogate the relationships between family.  When you described Itachi’s death as Sasuke losing a part of him, I really felt that. And here when you write about the way Sasuke takes after Fugaku and hates it and is also exasperated from it, just like how his father likely is, it just runs bone deep.  You really know how to speak to life experiences and relationships in consistently intimate ways.  I love that about you

This is his reality now — no more dream, no more Itachi; and pretty soon, no more Sakura.

’It hurts,’ Sasuke thought. 'It hurts, aniki.’  

Wow death by angst lmao thanks for the pain, maren, glad to know you like to torture your readers as much as our ninja babies.  Srsly tho the cadence of these lines and the material itself sync up perfectly.  It’s such powerful writing

This entire scene is stuffed to the brim with dread and turbulence, and it’s so lifelike, I feel it’s haunting.  The way you describe the suffocating atmosphere of the car ride, how Sasuke snaps at Sakura for simply knowing that something is up, the awkwardness of the dinner… You really brought so much passion into these scenes, I feel like I’m being tortured right with them lol

I looooooove the drama of this playing out omg.  The way you have this convo go down is like a punch to the gut.  Sakura announcing her acceptance to Harvard, and then her refusal to go. Sasuke knowing he’s the reason why…the guilt…the anger…

Also omfg these lines:

Sasuke hardened his resolve and stiffly said, “No. I don’t need you, Sakura.”

’Yes, I do.’

Sakura shook her head, “Yes, you do.”

I DIED.  Sakura callin’ him out on his bull shit I fucking LOST IT lmaooOOooo   I love this so much and I love how you write their dynamic!  It’s funny how this fic plays into a lot of romantic clichés but also subverts them—gives them a twist that knocks the reader right off their feet. It’s honestly incredible

I loved the way you brought in winter into this scene too.  The image of it, the feel of it, the terrible, lonely tone.  It suits the entire mood of it all.

This is going to sound super dumb but I genuinely love how much agency you give Sakura btw.  You probably know I’m a raging, batshit feminist by now and I gotta say, her dialogue is consistently powerful and reeks of someone who knows who they are, and their worth, even when in the fallout of a relationship where they are getting the short end of the stick.  Like I’m just sitting here reading “Sasuke, you dumb jackass, what are you doing” lmfaoooo LIKE GURL I WOULD TREAT U SO GOOD…. SAKU BB IM SO SORRY BUT ALSO TRUST I KNOW HOW IT BE

I really do love it.  And I love how you wrote Sakura as an orphan too.  It really flips the script on the canon material (eat shit, kishimoto!!  Women can have trauma and real backstories not centered around men, u misogynistic pile of adskjfhsklhfalkd)  I just feel she’s very well written, and tangible, and powerfully human.  I’d be just as smitten as Sasuke tbh

The last scene is so upsetting… it’s also strangely warming too though.  It’s terrible Sasuke’s been broken down like this, but there’s something about this scene where he feels raw, and expresses his pain in a very infantile way, literally crying out to his mother about how it hurts.  I really feel he’s been stripped of not just his life, but himself, under the weight of Itachi’s death and all that’s come with it, and it makes my heart ache.  I loved this chapter, in all it’s infinite sadness.

Part II

He closed his eyes and thought about his talk with his father earlier, “We’re okay now. He called me while I was with Itachi.”

Love the ease and depth of this single line of dialogue.  How Itachi is not alive but is still with him, and how it speaks to the way we humans grieve and the continuity and strength of relationships even after someone leaves.  It’s just very simple and human, and it popped out at me.

He couldn’t even remember the last time they talked on the phone, or the last time he heard Fugaku as a father, not as the Uchiha patriarch.

Uggghhhhhhh this is exactly how I felt Fugaku was like in canon too.  This fic is just full of brilliance, I really adore the way you describe all the relationships, but the complexity between Sasuke’s and Fugaku’s is really striking to me.  You nail it perfectly.

And this whole intro where Fugaku apologizes to Sasuke and tells him he is proud…. I feel as if a major levee has been broken.  While he’s in front of Itachi’s grave too.  This Sasuke really has that same parallel with the one in canonverse where I feel he is held back by his family trauma, family obligations, the weight of blood.  And this scene feels like a breaking point.  Where Sasuke can be a man instead of an Uchiha, in the same way Fugaku gives him this moment as a father instead of an Uchiha patriarch.  It certainly feels like a cleansing of sorts.

Once you thought you’re over it, one pink-haired beacon of spring will bloom in your eternal winter and blow all your progress into next week. What a woman. He will never find anyone better.

AaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA !!!! this IS what I mean!!!  His inner thoughts of her ugh….i’m so weak…Sasuke you lovesick fool…. And the return of the beautiful seasons motif.  I love this so much

 You can say they were drunk — with liquor, with each other, with love.

I just adore this line. It really emphasizes the vibe of their past relationship and the picture as a whole, and just that electric feeling of being consumed with someone.  The description and cadence of it is just really catching, and I love it

 God, this entire scene. Damn, maren.  It’s criminal how well you write the tension of such a casual conversation.  It feels as if an interrogation of sorts is occurring, and yet it’s still a heartwarming kind. Sakura is not vicious or mal-intentioned in inquiries and yet it still leaves Sasuke weak and defenseless if only because of his feelings for her.  There’s so many ways you assert it too.  It’s in every line, every detail.  This one in particular stood out to me:

Sasuke clenched his fist under the table and scoffed, “I hope my mother didn’t tell you how miserable I was.”

'Still am,’ he corrected in his mind. 'How miserable I still am.’

I remember you used this particular tactic when also describing Itachi’s feelings from Sasuke’s POV. (Something along the lines of how he does became how he did because he is gone)  In this fic where time is moving back and forward in a non-linear fashion, these details are especially striking.  Despite the changes and pushes and pull, this one fact is consistent—Sasuke loves Sakura.  And we, as readers, relearn it with every line.

Also I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOvE that Mikoto saw Sakura off, and that there is this undertone of a bond. Like ughhhhh I’ve so been there, where there’s that depth of understanding between women and relationships that men don’t always know about or know how to grapple with it.  My ex resented me for it lmfao

Adkjfasklfalsjdkfakls SASUKE CAN RELATE TO HIM APPARENTLY AHAHAHAAHHA B SNAPPEDDDD I totally get it though, it’s a little intrusive of Sakura to ask for that, but we all also know why she did.  Poor saku bb is in love with this emotionally constipated idiot lmao.  Oh I love the endless pining and miscommunication of it all !!!

“I thought you’d be here,” a voice came and knocked on the closed door of his heart. He turned his face towards it, he saw her and suddenly his doors came opening again.

The winter sun was directly behind her, giving her this eerie glow. Like a nymph; a spring nymph being born in his perpetual winter. He shivered inside.

Back at it again with that seasonal motif !!!! ugh you are killing me.  I also really loved the phrase “knocked on the closed door of his hear.”  You really have such a way with these metaphors and images, it’s so striking and makes the narrative of this piece so brilliant

and silence is a comfortable companion back then. When they became lovers, it was like their platonic third-wheel aside from Naruto.

Ngl I busted out laughing on that one.  “aside from Naruto” hahaaaa I love the way you include him in this fic tbh.  He’s not a very big focus, but he still feels like an integral part of this story, not just as Sasuke’s best friend, but also as another device to unite Sasuke and Sakura.  Also he’s pretty fantastic comic relief, probably just as much for the two of them as for the reader.

I really love the way this convo goes down, and the change of scenery from the coffee shop to the playground.  Considering the way their love at this point is founded in nostalgia (and perhaps something else, but let’s ignore that for a second) it’s so fitting for them to finally stripping away the masks and cloaks and being genuine with one another—Sakura talking about how she knew all along, and Sasuke finally admitting he still loves her.

I also loved that Karin broke off the engagement!!!!!!  And how she did it and how you described it ughghhghg I love this.  You really spoke to her character growth and development in canon too.  It’s trivial compared to everything else that’s going on, but I love it.

…the pink of her hair, the green of her irises and the gold of the sun slowly setting down behind her.

Sasuke couldn’t see her clearly anymore, only the faint glow of her weeping eyes and the halo on her head made by the sun.

You think you’re slick don’t you…you think you’re some kind of mastermind with these subtle references/images…..well guess what bitch….YOU ARE

  I looooove how you tied the music back in.  Ugh this departure!!  MY HEART!!! Also I’m seeing a handful of songs I love including OUR BOIIIII !!!! rex orange county uhhghhgjak maren this is the romance of a lifetime I AM WEAK

Ughh the forehead kiss…..that was so sweet.  I loved Sakura’s choice to give him that bit of affection.  This scene is so beautifully intimate, despite their positions.

Omg I FINISHED HOLY SHIT!!! And Sasuke doesn’t get back with her! Wow!  Honestly, as much as my shipper heart is like, violently frothing at the mouth and saying “okay they totally got back together down the line tho like THEY HAD TO THEY ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER WHAT IS TH—" I actually have such a deep appreciation for this ending.  Their relationship in this almost feels dream-like, and with the way the story unfolds, even if they still loved each other in the end (and I really don’t doubt that they do.  We don’t have Sakura’s perspective, but we also don’t need it.  the affections are clear) it doesn’t mean they will end up together or are even really suited for each other in such a way.  

Their love in this actually really reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Have you seen that movie?  I just really get that vibe at the end.  This entire romance cuts very deep and is very passionate and leaves me feeling so whimsical.  I really loved this story, Maren…  thank you for sharing it with all of us.  thank you for writing it.  You’re really one of a kind and you and this story has my whole heart <333

Also I’m sorry this is so late, but when I said I am going to write you a review, what I meant was I am going to write you a review.  This English degree is good for nothing but sending elaborate love letters to friends and writers in the form of literary analyses and stupid overreactions and BY GOD I WILL NOT LET THIS CRIPPLING COLLEGE DEBT GO TO WASTE !!!

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Yamato/Tenzo

I love that Yamato's story begins as one where he's just sort of there to replace Kakashi while Kakashi's recovering from overusing the Sharingan, but then it evolves into this huge backstory where he was raised by Danzo to not feel emotions and to always put the mission over everything (even his own life) but then Kakashi came crashing into his life and showed him that 'actually it's good to care about people and I'm willing to break rules and risk my life for you, someone who just tried to kill me'. I love the depth of Yamato's story and how he clawed his way from being no one unknown by anyone in the village except Danzo, to being his own person with an over-expressive personality and a desperate need for a vacation.

I love that his dream is just to simply be loved and wanted. To have a sort of family that he can return to. That he can love. After everything he has been through and done, Yamato deserved to be loved. He deserved to be appreciated and adored.

That no matter how many times Kakahsi asks him to stop calling him 'Senpai' he refuses. It's like his own little rebellion against Kakashi. He would do almost anything for Kakahsi, except stop referring to him as Senpai. That's just never going to happen and I adore it.

How he comes into Team seven telling Sakura that he's not going to baby them and that unlike his precious Senpai he's not there to protect them. He looks her straight in the eye and tells her she's a Shinobi and has to know how to take care of herself, and then he turns around and becomes the most caring big brother to team seven (specifically Naruto). The man was ready to yell at Sakura over her confession. He watched over Naruto and cared for him after his panic attack. He only ever wanted the best for those kids and he showed it in everything he did for them, even when his efforts weren't recognized.

I love how chill he is with Gai. Kakashi is 'Senpai', Asuma is 'Asuma-enpai' and Gai is- Gai. He's comfortable enough to shove Gai's arm off of his shoulder, knows him well enough to know how the use of the gates affects his body, and yells at Naruto not to touch Gai while he's recovering, and he's even comfortable enough to laugh when Kakashi tells him about Gai's 'acorn'. The two of them didn't get nearly enough screen time together and that's always going to be a pity because they had such a good bond in what little we saw of them.

How protective he is. As stated, Yamato is someone who was raised to not care about others. The mission comes first and everything else is secondary. His last mission for Danzo was to kill someone he considered a friend and ally and he had even accepted that he would have to do it until Kakashi talked to him. But then as an adult, Yamato is completely different. He's the guy who catches Sakura while she's falling even though he should focus on the fight. He's the one who gets captured in the war because he chooses not to focus on his own safety, but to shove Aobe out of the way of Kabuto's attack. He learns from Kakashi that friends are precious and must be protected, and even though he acts like that's not something he adheres to it's all an act. He loves his friends and he's willing to give everything for them, including his own life.

His desperate need for recognition/praise. This makes sense given the way Yamato was raised, but I love how easily he falls for Kakashi's sweet words. You know this boy needs a little bit of love because as soon as Kakashi says something sort of nice about him he melts. He's done for, and I enjoy it so much.

Drunk Kareokee Singing. This speaks for itself. Yamato's rarely allowed an opportunity to relax and unwind so the karaoke scene is a blessing (even if it is Anime only) and I enjoy every second of it. Would absolutely listen to his bad drunk karaoke singing.

(Movie only: lost tower) that moment he got back at Kakashi for years of bullying, by hitting kid Kakashi for being a little brat of a bully. Love that for him. He deserved to get in that single hit.

[fullmetalferith]

When Cornered (Naruto fic)

She is sixteen and she will die.

Sixteen isn’t young for a shinobi, not in wartime.   But she’s not exactly old either, and there’s so much she wants in life that she hasn’t gotten a chance to live yet.  She wants to live past the war.  She wants to actually properly meet Senju Tsunade and study under her.  It’s been important logistically for the best medics to stay spread out in the war, but there’s so much she could learn from her once this is all over.  She wants to research diseases, because there’s still so much nobody knows with all the effort going into learning to heal traumatic injuries from combat.  She wants to have a family some day.  She’s always loved kids and always planned on having some of her own some day.  She wants to watch Minato Sensei become the greatest hokage Kanoha has ever seen.  She wants to finally see under Kakashi’s stupid mask.

But, there’s a seal inked onto her skin, made purposefully imperfect so that it won’t hold the sanbi for long.  She is the student of Namikaze Minato and one of the best medic-nin in Konoha (which makes her one of the best medic-nin in the world) and she knows there is nothing she can do to fix the seal, probably nothing anyone can do, and certainly not in time.  So she must die.

There is also some sort of compulsion seal written where she can’t see, probably on her heart.  It compels her to return to Konoha and will not allow her to take her own life directly.  Thankfully Kakashi is here.

She is sixteen and he is thirteen and he must kill her.

There are many times when three years seem like nothing.  Times when Kakashi seems so much more experienced and so much more skilled than she is, times when his quick mind makes connections and concocts strategies in a way that’s breathtaking to watch, times when he takes the lead effortlessly.  This is not one of those times.

He looks so very small as she explains to him.   So very small and so very young.  And she hates this.  She hates everything about this.  But she’s always been the sensible one, always known what needs to be done and made sure it was.

“So you have to kill me,” she says, and her voice is absolutely firm.

“No,” he says, his eye wide and full of stubbornness and panic, “No.  There has to be another way.”

“There’s not,” she says, “There’s really, really not.  I have to die.  I’d do it myself if I could, but I can’t.” She wants to say he has no right to be so upset about it.  She’s the one dying.  She’s the one who got captured like some kind of silver screen damsel and then stuffed full of malevolent chakra beast so that she can’t even be rescued properly.

“That’s ridiculous.  Nobody has to die,” he says, in his “I am a genius and obviously know better than you” tone, “ You can’t just give up on living.   We’ll figure something out.  We can wait here, I can tie you up if I have to; Minato Sensei will find us eventually,”

Obito always hated that tone, even she had found it annoying sometimes, especially when he inevitably turned out to be right.  But he wasn’t right this time, he was emotionally compromised.  (He always had been emotionally compromised, that’s what had drawn her to him to begin with, what had made her want to hug him and wrap him in soft blankets and never let go.  It was what Obito had never understood, how deeply, intensely Kakashi mourned and fractured and cared.  That day, Kannabi Bridge, hadn’t been about rules versus teammates, it was choosing between his father and his friends, and in the end Kakashi chose the living over the dead.  And then Obito had died for her, had died for them.  He’d made Kakashi promise, because he knew she would always look after him anyway, she’s a medic, that’s her job.  And now she has to protect him and he has to kill her and she’s not sure which of them that’s more unfair to.  She suspects it might be him, but she doesn’t want to die.)

“There’s no time!” she says, “The bijuu will escape and I’ll die anyway and so will a lot of other people, even if we’re not in Konoha.”  So will Kakashi, first of all, and she can’t, she can’t die knowing she’s killing him.

“At least let me have a look at the seal.”

“Kakashi.”

Kakashi is better than her at seals in general, but this is a seal inked onto a human person, locked into her chakra network, it’s biological, medical.  She knows a lot more about this sort of thing than he does, and he knows it.  There are no brilliant plans inside his head, no way out of this.  He’s just arguing to argue, because he doesn’t want this.  Well tough, does he think she does?

“Please,” she says.  And it’s Not Fair that she has to beg for her own execution.

“I can’t,” he says, a small, broken sound.  Thirteen really is so very, horribly young.

That’s when the Kiri nin arrive.  They’re only attacking Kakashi, of course.  She tries to get them to fix the problem but all that does is distract Kakashi, the idiot, trying to protect her.  They’re outnumbered and there’s blood everywhere, and Kakashi opens Obito’s eye, and she can feel the sanbi screaming inside of her.

Something most people don’t know is that when Kakashi uses the sharingan he can’t see out of his other eye, the sharingan sort of overrides it.

The kiri nin won’t kill her and she can’t kill herself, and Kakashi will never, ever kill her willingly.  She does not want to die.  It’s worse this way than it could ever be in straight battle, horribly intentional and unfairly certain.  But she is more than brave enough for death.  She knows that he will never forgive himself for what she is about to do, he promised Obito and he probably cares about her more than he cares about the whole rest of the world, minus Minato Sensei.  Certainly more than the village that killed his father.  He will hate himself for this for the rest of his life, but she is practical.  She does what needs to be done.  And the village matters more to her than his feelings.

She comes out of his blindspot, the sound of chidori tingling the air, and the last things she sees are his eyes blown wide, red and black and gray.  She sees in that split second, through the brilliant searing pain, as they fill with shock and pain and horror, but not a hint of betrayal or blame.  And as her life blinks out, she’s a little ashamed of how relieved she is of that.

[shikastemari]

reverse psychology - k&b.

characters boruto; kakashi

request

word count 1,692

when it happens a month after boruto defeated momoshiki

warnings PANIC ATTACK, don’t read if you feel like it could trigger something

MASTERLIST

“You know what, old man, some grandpas just take their family to the zoo.”

Boruto stated, between pants, holding the side of his body that almost got hit by his Kakashi’s strongest jutsu. After he defeated Momoshiki, he thought people would go easy on his training and stuff, but the contrary happened. His uncle decided to teach him one of the strongest jutsu he had ever seen.

At first, Boruto wasn’t interested at all. He thought he could live happily only with his vanishing rasengan, until the moment his master, Sasuke Uchiha, told him he wouldn’t be capable of realizing such strong jutsu. That was literally music to Boruto’s ears, there was nothing he liked more than proving other people wrong.

But after four weeks of really hard training, giving up actually crossed Boruto’s mind. He still wasn’t able to control the raiton yet, and this being by far the hardest thing he ever had put his mind on.

“You remind me terribly of your father at your age. He was also a pain in the ass, but at least he was focused.” Kakashi didn’t even bother to look up from the book in his hands.

“I bet dad didn’t go through a training this hard.” Boruto muttered, kicking a branch next to him. He was breathless and feeling like the air was escaping so easily from his own lungs. The whole world started to spinning faster than normal.

“Boruto?” Kakashi called out for him, but his concerned voice seemed far away. He threw aside his book, and ran to the boy’s direction. Almost as instinct, Boruto whimpered and scooched away from him, tears starting to form on the corner of his eyes.

His head spun faster and he could feel his pulse beating in his temples. He didn’t manage to contain a ‘not again’ that escaped his lips. Boruto bent forward, bracing his hands on his knees. Soft popping sounds echoed in his ears, and a blurry black framed his vision. He tried to fill his lungs, but it was like the air had disappeared. The whole world tilted and Kakashi slipped sideways in his vision.

Kakashi grabbed both of his shoulders to keep him from fall directly to the ground. The deeper Boruto tried to inhale, the tighter his throat constricted.

“I. Can’t. Breathe.” Boruto choked, clutching his throat with one hand.

Kakashi helped Boruto to sit. “Put your head between your knees.” He instructed, guiding his head down.

Boruto lowered his head, breathing rapidly, trying to force air inside his lungs. Very slowly, he felt the oxygen creep back into his body.

“Better?” Kakashi questioned after a minute.

Boruto just nodded, once.

“Keep your head down and take long, deep breaths.” Kakashi told him.

He followed his instructions, feeling a clamp loosen around his chest. “Thank you.” He muttered.

“Since when these panic attacks are happening, Boruto?” Instead of what Boruto expected, there wasn’t any tip of anger or pity on his sensei’s voice. It was carefully emotionless.

“It was the first time.” Boruto lied, not feeling in his bone the will to explain anything.

“You said ‘not again’. It happened before.” It wasn’t a demand, or anything. He was just stating what he witnessed.

But Boruto still didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to confess it to one of the most powerful shinobi alive he had a new discovered weakness, and Kakashi being himself, he obviously noticed it.

“I have seen it happen before. With your father.” That made Boruto peer up to face Kakashi. He never heard about it before, so he thought it was a little hard to believe. Not that he actually thought his dad was perfect, or something, but having a panic attack? It was quite shocking for him.

“What happened, old man?” Boruto questioned, intrigued.

“He hyperventilated after he realized everyone wanted a dear friend of his dead. It was a hard burden to carry. Just like yours now.” Kakashi informed him with a shrug.

All Boruto could do was sigh. He had carrying this feeling inside him for so long now it almost felt like it was a part of himself. Both Mitsuki and Sarada noticed there was something wrong with him, but he still didn’t tell them, how could him? What they would thought about it?

“When it started?” Kakashi questioned again, but there was no pressure on his voice tone.

“Four weeks ago.” Boruto whispered.

“I see. Since Momoshiki, right?”

Boruto nodded, looking away, embarrassed.

“So, you were talking about your father when it happened.”

“It’s just…” Boruto glanced over the shinobi in front of him. Kakashi’s eyes were showing nothing but support at that moment. He breathed in deeply. “My father is strong. He is incredibly strong and he wasn’t capable to hold that bad guy. He almost died. There was only four of them, old man Kakashi. What if there’s more? What if the next time they come back with an army and we are not able to stop them? What if the next time they actually succeed killing someone I love?”

Kakashi studied Boruto’s words and took some time thinking about his answer. “The first rule of shinobi world is that you should not be afraid in anticipation. I’m not gonna lie, Boruto. It can happen. It can happen tomorrow, for all we know, but the key is to worry about things when they are happening. Exhausting yourself now for something that has a chance of not happening, it isn’t not worth it.”

“To let it go? That’s your advice?” Boruto narrowed his eyes at Kakashi.

“Not at all.” Kakashi placed one hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. “If it was that easy, you would have done it by now. My advice is focus on the things you can change. Right now, you can train harder, so if something happens, you will be as prepared as you can be.”

“I am trying.” Boruto bit his lower lip.

“I know, but you are not focused here. You are focused on the future. All you need to do is change your goal.”

The more that Kakashi talked, the more convinced Boruto was he had done the right thing telling him everything. He felt like there was a weight taken from his shoulders and he could finally breath without being afraid to lost the air of his lungs.

Kakashi was right, he would change the things he could, and then deal with the others when the times come.

“You were wrong, by the way.” Boruto’s tired eyes locked on his.

“Huh?”

“What you said it’s not the first rule of being a shinobi. The first rule is ‘those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum!”

Boruto gave Kakashi a quick hug, catching him completely off guard. The gray haired guy didn’t even had the chance to embrace him back, as he ran away. “Same time tomorrow?” He screamed.

“Yes.” Kakashi yelled back, breathing out in relief. He walked towards his book, opened on a random page on the grass. “I told you he would be fine.”

“I was concerned.” Sasuke came out behind a tree, resting his body on the trunk afterwards.

Kakashi’s mind was too scrambled by the slope of Sasuke’s eyebrows and the unyielding sincerity in his voice. “You were right. He was carrying so much inside of him and at some point, it would take its tools on him eventually.”

“A blond, blue eyed kid who acts like that is his job to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders? I wonder who he got that from.” Sasuke giggled dryly.

“Don’t mock Naruto, you are not so far behind. Let’s just hope Sarada didn’t inherent your rogue tendency.” Kakashi shrugged, not before sending Sasuke’s an amusement glance.

“Should we tell Naruto? About the panic attacks?” It was interesting for Kakashi the uncertain on Sasuke’s voice. His former student, who was usually so cool and confident under pressure, was showing signs of concern and caring towards someone. It didn’t go unnoticed the way he took another breath to steady himself either.

“Would you like both of us keeping it from you if was Sarada instead?” Kakashi jerked his head around to look at Sasuke, ready to argue, but the look on Sasuke’s face took all of the defensive out of him. The frustration in his tone wasn’t for him, but for his ‘student.

Sasuke sighed. “I will pass on Hokage’s office before leaving town.”

“Tell him not to say anything, or it will ruin our progress.” Kakashi pointed out.

“I will, but it’s Naruto we are talking about.” Sasuke felt silent, but his voice sounded smoother, and even thought Kakashi wasn’t looking at him, he could tell that his posture wasn’t so rigid either.

“People change. Who would thought you would use the reverse psychology to use your student to be around me?” Kakashi was grinning and Sasuke knew that. After all those years knowing that old man, not even a mask could hide the joy laced on his tone.

There was a long, awkward pause and Kakashi just sighed.

“Everyone would.” Sasuke replied, sounding a bit out of place himself, meeting Kakashi’s gaze solidly.

“But you did it to help him, not use him.” Kakashi easily noticed the guarded way Sasuke spoke. By now, he was ridiculously used by it.

Sasuke shrugged and looked away, his eyes scanning the path he would have probably left. “I have to go.”

Kakashi only nodded in response as he watched his former student leave.

“Kakashi?” Sasuke hesitated, but he didn’t turn back to look at the gray haired man. “Am I the Naruto’s friend that everyone wanted dead? Was it my fault?”

Kakashi nodded, once again and Sasuke just swallowed hard.

“Take care of him.” Although the way he said wasn’t a demand, but a request.

“I will, I always have. Sarada as well.” Kakashi sat down next to a tree, his body pressing the trunk, his books already opened on his lap.

“I know.” Sasuke’s sharpness returned to his voice before disappearing into the woods.

[sumigakure]

Chase Your Adventures (Face Your Breaking)

To: @fineillsignup

From: @modernart2012

Title: Chase Your Adventures (Face Your Breaking)

Rating: T 

Wordcount: 9178

Prompt: “At some point in the Chuunin Exams arc (post-Forest of Death, but pre-Tsunade’s arrival) Sakura travels back in time to Kakashi’s attempt to rescue jinchuuriki Rin. She’s not much good fighting at that point but her sudden appearance causes enough confusion to allow a few crucial seconds such that Obito arrives while Rin is alive. And then…? Bonus for: 13 y/o Kakashi being a better teacher than 26 y/o Kakashi.”

Warning: Description of disorientation starting at “Sakura jackknifes upright” and ends at “and Genma”. It reads like a panic attack, but is disorientation due to [spoiler]. Please be mindful of Your own triggers and skip if necessary.

Note: Title from Nikita Gil’s “Ariel’s Return to the Sea and Her Throne”. Whole poem [Here]

There’s nothing so disappointing as finding out that everything you once knew about yourself was nothing more than an empty title - a big fish in a small pond is nothing more than shark bait in the ocean after all, and only those who start to become sharks in their own right survive. Sakura isn’t sure how many more times her pride can handle having that fact hammered in - no, not her pride, because her pride as a kunoichi of Konoha is something she’d thrown away when she’d stagnated and become complacent in her frankly mediocre abilities. She’s faced that fact time and again, on the Great Naruto bridge with Tazuna and again in the Forest of Death, and she’s sick of being the weakest link. She is going to become stronger, so much stronger, until she is a powerhouse in her own right, and could stand at her teammates sides as an equal. They were already so far ahead of her.

But that meant she has to get better, get better fast. With not a lot of time or chakra at her disposal, at least for now. Sakura knows there’s only one thing she can turn to at a time like this, waiting for the end of the second stage of the Chuunin Exams and facing a tournament against far more powerful opponents - the library. Supposedly, the one in the middle of the Forest of Death is full of all the super-special jutsu and books - stuff from the Sannin and the Yondaime and Nidaime and a good portion of tracts and items salvaged from Uzushio when it fell, and it’s as good a place to find a special hidden trick as the regular ninja library every genin has access to. Better even, for the difficulty in getting there.

The instructors at the Academy had always noted her fine chakra control and said she could be a fine genjutsu mistress if she applied herself - a place to to start, if nothing else. If she could even get into the archives, at least. It wasn’t going to be easy, but being on a team with Naruto had some perks, and one is traps. Building, detection, dismantling - Sakura was sure she had the basics from just watching Naruto. If Sakura wasn’t sure that all the adults were busy chasing down the crazy Snake lady -guy? - person or trying to heal Sasuke, she wouldn’t even be contemplating trying to get past the crazy layers of traps and bombs and seals around what (she hopes) is the archive. So many things could go wrong - fail to disarm a trap correctly, or jostle a bomb, set off an alarm, trigger a seal, hell, Sakura couldn’t even tell if she was looking at the entrance to the archive - it could be a random room dressed up to be a “secure vault” and in fact be a massive trap. Inner seethes in her mind, itching to just brute force her way through, but Sakura is sure that wouldn’t end well. But that’s what the Academy said waiting and planning is for on a mission, and Sakura is willing to stake her life on that advice.

She inhales deeply and holds her panicked breath to avoid giving herself away as the chuunin pair stroll past casually - they’ve been patrolling the same route for the last hour, with some variations at random, and once they turned the corner she knows she has precisely 30 minutes to get inside the door. It’s now or never. It’s time to execute the carefully synthesized plan she’s been working on for hours now, mostly necessitating contortions and gymnastics she hasn’t actually used in … in too long. It aches to think about, how she was once the most flexible in the class and able to pick her way through a tight maze of ninja wire with little difficulty, but now has to exert true effort on gaps that are bigger than what she could once get through. She has to bite her lip to keep from audibly seething - there’s no point, not when she stands to gain more by controlling her anger now. Inner rages at her enough anyways. She carefully undoes the traps, and sets them back to standby after she’s passed by - half way there, now to a careful set of hand signs - tora, ushi, saru, ne, tori, mi - then carefully peel back the paperbomb seal and wriggle through the small opening into the space behind the door. She’s just closing the door when she hears the footsteps of the chuunin guards coming back. A close call, but that nets her next to nothing since Sakura is now faced with hundreds of texts and scrolls, most of which are haphazardly piled and all unlabeled. Inner rages as she takes it all in, the heaps upon mounds of things cluttering the space - how is Sakura supposed to get through even a fraction of this information, or find anything? She can’t even see the tops of the shelves, they go up so far into the gloom, and the counters are littered with things and paper. Sakura bites down the urge to yell and tear this place to shreds, mostly because she needs to aim for stealth at the moment, and instead beelines for the closest pile.

Sakura skims through what’s been left open - intense sealing theory, worth a deeper perusal since  sealing is a skill that can be built up, and there frankly aren’t a lot of people who know much of it or how to counter it. Not as immediately useful as genjutsu would be, but still. Sakura is thinking long term too, and sealing will pay off in spades if she can get a handle on the basics and then master a few high level seals, maybe even make her own. The signature on the bottom reads Minato Namikaze with a few Minato Uzumaki thrown around - Sakura makes a face in horror, the Yondaime had a crush on a Uzumaki? She doesn’t even want to contemplate that. Still, the Yondaime had the Hiraishin - maybe this is a theory scroll on how it works?

She’s nearly done reading the scroll - it looks like an early formulation of the Hiraishin, but one that’s full of amendments and comments in three different handwritings - when she stumbles across something laid out in her path. Sakura startles, her chakra flaring in alarm. Sakura notices a bright purple glow from the ground, and looks down in horror. A seal, neatly drawn out on proper seal paper, one that’s taking her chakra and activating. She opens her mouth to scream -

- And ends up in a battle field. The glade is full of killing intent, masked Kiri nin waiting to ambush two Konoha nin. Sakura can’t see much, she’s too small and falling and she’s flubbed the landing, stumbling to collide with what’s in front of her. There’s a girl, staggering towards her fellow ninja, her Konoha headband clearly marking her as a fellow Konoha kunoichi and there’s a flash of white lightning and chirping, barely missing the kunoichi and burning up the side of Sakura’s hair, over her shoulder and grazing the falling kunoichi. Sakura moves to catch her fellow Konoha kunoichi as she falls, as Sakura falls too; the other girl us overheated and panting, as around them the white-haired ninja slaughters the Kiri ninja around them. Or - no, he’s fainted too. Another ninja, hopefully a friendly one, is slaughtering the Kiri nin with too fast movements that looks like he’s warping about, weapons passing through him entirely, and wood spikes bursting forth to pierce and shred, deep black cloak billowing around him.

“Please, you can’t let them take me back to Konoha.” The girl pants, her purple-marked cheeks flushed, her eyes determined. “The Kiri nin. They put a seal on me, to destroy Konoha. And sealed a bijuu in me. Please, make sure they don’t - .” The girl shudders, then the breath leaves her as she loses consciousness.

Sakura feels like she did when Zabuza attacked on the bridge - useless. Frustration pricks at her eyes, but she hoists up a kunai, even if it’s just lip service in the face of an unknown who Sakura knows can crush her easily. Still, she doesn’t know what makes her say what she does next, “Yes.” The kunoichi is unconscious, it’s not like she can hear Sakura. She knows she has no way of backing up that promise, nothing but her paltry strength and  - and her brains. It’s like a lightbulb in the back of her head; Sakura isn’t known for her intellect for nothing. She scans the clearing - blood, bodies, the fainted white-haired ninja, the ninja in the cloak, the girl with purple face marks, and her. The only one who can possibly be a threat - or at least, is unknown enough to be a threat - is the one in the cloak, who is making his way over with a pronounced limp. A weakness, one Sakura can exploit since she’s still relatively fresh, however outclassed she is.

“Rin!” The cloaked figure croaks, and trips his way over as if he can’t quite believe his eyes - eye. One with a strange Sharingan spinning in it, blood red and not the regular tomoe she’s seen in Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke’s Sharingan, which the sight of has Sakura frozen for a moment before she’s moving on instinct. There are no Uchiha left with a Sharingan besides Sasuke, and only Kakashi-sensei has a Sharingan, but that’s stolen. So this person must have committed a bloodline theft too, and the rules state that must be dealt with by killing the offending ninja. Her kunai is up and ready, and the man - no boy - slows and throws his hands up, ready to fight. “Get away from her!” Woody branches lash out but Sakura moves too, punching the wood with all her strength, all Inner’s rage - damn it! - more evidence he’s not a real Uchiha, who’s ever heard of an Uchiha with Wood Release? - and amazingly, the wood shatters. Sakura snarls like she saw Pakkun and Kakashi-sensei’s other summons do when she and Sasuke and Naruto and Kakashi-sensei fought Zabuza, like she knows she’s an actual threat, and her kunai flies true.

Or, would have. A three pronged kunai with a seal along the shaft intercepts the kunai Sakura had thrown, both thunking heavily into the ground. Then in a spark of yellow lightning, a roll of thunder and a white cape edged in flames flutters into view. Brilliant yellow hair, blue eyes, it couldn’t be - “Yondaime-sama?!”

That is Minato Namikaze. But he’s dead - has been for over a decade. And - the records - Sakura whirls on her heel. That’s Kakashi-sensei. Younger, missing over half his adult height, exhausted (probably chakra exhaustion, again) but still. Sakura has to stop herself from audibly gasping, because this can only be one of a few possibilities. And none of them are especially good.

The Yondaime smiles, kind yet dangerous at once, “Oh? And you are?”

Her training kicks in, “Sakura Haruno, Genin, Konoha ID Number 012601.” She hopes she didn’t butcher that in her shock.  

“Genin? Where’s your Jounin sensei and the rest of your team?” The Yondaime is still smiling, eyes upturned cheerily. Sakura has the distinct feeling that he’s trying to figure out who would send a genin team on such a dangerous mission - Kakashi-sensei is a genius, higher ranked than genin at least, and he’s exhausted! - and then which Jounin-sensei would be so irresponsible to lose one of their genin.

Still, she doesn’t know if she ought to tell them the truth - there are entire paradoxes about this afterall. Sakura hedges with a half truth. “I don’t know.” It’s true, since she doesn’t actually know where they are at present, since this could be a different timeline and/or universe, or just plain time travel. She pauses and looks down at the brown haired girl, then back at the Yondaime. Sakura can trust the Hokage, right? He would’ve been her Hokage if he hadn’t died in the kyuubi attack. “The girl, she’s fainted. She said the Kiri nin sealed a bijuu in her, and then did something so she’d destroy Konoha if we took her back there. But, um, seals are something you’re good at right?”

The false Uchiha speaks, aghast, and moves again to get near the girl, “Rin!” This time, Sakura is inclined to let him. If he’s dangerous, the Hokage will handle taking him out.

“Obito?!” The Yellow Flash finally seems to notice the boy in black. So maybe not a fake Uchiha, if the Yondaime knows him.

The boy gives a watery smile, “Hi Minato-sensei.” Oh. Oh.

The Yondaime looks like he’s torn between going and checking over his… student? students? and continuing to keep an eye on Sakura, because her answers have glaring issues and probably make her seem like a spy. His bright blue eyes flick over the scene, and then seem to pause somewhere near Sakura’s feet. Sakura looks down as well, and notices the scrolls that came with her. The Yondaime bends and picks one up, “Oh?” Whatever that particular scroll contains, it seems to be of some interest, as the Yondaime flicks over it a few times enigmatically before closing the scroll.

“Minato-sensei, what are we going to do with the genin?” Kakashi-sensei speaks, clearly not steady on his feet but staying up by sheer force of will and heavy misuse of a tanto. Sakura really hopes he’s not suffering from chakra exhaustion again.

Yondaime-sama thinks it over momentarily, before smiling. Then in a crackle of lightning, three ninja appear. Sakura recognizes them from the Chunin Exams, and her heart sinks. “Iwashi, Raido,” with a tilt of his head, the two peel off and herd Kakashi-sensei, Obito, and Sakura together. It’s not hard to understand they’re all being kept under guard by people who seem to be more competent than their appearances let on - they can use the Hiraishin, or at least a variant, and that’s no small feat. Sakura’s heart sinks; this is probably the fast track for a T&I stay, especially if Sakura is remembering correctly and the one with the scar does work in T&I. “Genma, do you think -?” Whatever Yondaime-sama is noting, it’s not loud enough to be heard over Obito.

“Bakashi.” The boy is wavering, and Kakashi-sensei is struggling to stay upright, even with the tanto as a support. Sakura can see the way their guards eye the pair, disbelief clear in their eyes. “I thought I told you to keep Rin safe.”

Kakashi-sensei fires back almost immediately, uncharacteristic, “Maaa, I thought you were dead.” It doesn’t answer the accusation at all, and Sakura tries to hide a wince at the implication.

“I was nearly crushed to death and held captive, what’s your excuse?” The boy’s snarl is nasty and it somehow reminds Sakura of Naruto and Sasuke. Like a falling star it occurs to Sakura that her teammates don’t exist here, or yet, or are even guaranteed to at all. Tears prick her eyes, but she valiantly holds them back. Kunoichi don’t cry, not on the battlefield. She has to wait until it’s safe to do so, when no one is (obviously) looking. It probably won’t be until people have rifled through her brain, and she’s been thoroughly questioned and examined and if this is the Third Shinobi War then things aren’t going to be good.

“ - it’s your fault bastard!” Obito’s voice is venomous, itching to fight. Kakashi-sensei is very clearly unimpressed, but not about to rise to the bait.

“Obito, Kakashi, I’m going to need your help very shortly.” Yondaime-sama speaks evenly, as if this sort of fighting is normal and expected. The two trot off obediently, and Sakura immediately knows something is wrong.

She raises her hands into the appropriate seal and mutters, “Kai.” The image dissolves, and Sakura is confronted by the face of the Yondaime and his… guards? … all watching her with bland and neutral expressions. Kakashi-sensei is there, sat at the base of a tree, and Obito is slumped nearby as well.

“Well, that was fast.” The one Sakura is pretty sure is Genma comments around his… senbon? Sakura knows the Academy covers not sticking weapons in one’s mouth really early on, and senbon were really high on the list of things to never carry in one’s mouth.

Yondaime-sama smiles that same kind-but-scary smile that doesn’t actually tell you what he’s thinking or feeling. With a sinking sensation, Sakura can understand why he was - is? - considered a master of politics and a genius ninja. The rock in her gut that is her determination to be a great ninja dissolves a little in the face of evidence that someone can be so … so … so ninja, but then hardens again with the resolve to learn the same skills. To smile and have no one understand what you’re really thinking. “Sakura, can you come assist us with something?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama!” Maybe this would help reduce the suspicion against her? Yondaime-sama and Genma kneel down next to the girl - Rin, Sakura probably ought to use her name - and Sakura follows suit.

“The enemy’s put a highly unstable seal around Rin’s heart - one that can’t be destroyed without destroying the heart of the victim. We need someone with very nuanced chakra control to weave their chakra under the seal and lift it up off of her heart, just enough that one of us can go in and strike it to remove it.” It is abundantly clear what Yondaime-sama and Genma expect her part in this to be, and Sakura wants to refuse. She’s not a medic nin who is trained and capable of such feats! But, it’s true her chakra control is exceptionally fine, and probably on the Yondaime has the control to strike just the seal and not kill his student by accident. Genma is probably the one taking over as stand-in medic.

She has to ask anyways, “Is there no way to put a stasis seal around the one on Rin’s heart? So it keeps thinking it’s in one place and not near Konoha?” Even as she says it, she knows it won’t work - stasis seals keep things preserved, but only items that can be completely encased in the seal matrix. Keeping Rin’s heart in stasis would kill her. And keeping Rin entirely in stasis until they got to safety would be counterproductive; they couldn’t remove her without the seal activating.

The Yondaime and Genma hesitate, exchanging speaking glances. “There is another way, but I’m  not sure it’s any easier - it’s only theory to me at this point.” Sakura says nothing, waiting. “Theoretically, you could burn off the seal with a very fine application of chakra. Or rather, to mesh one’s own chakra into the seal and use it as a conduit to destroy the seal with a tertiary chakra source.”

Hell no! Is such a thing even possible? Inner curses the air blue, this is the sort of thing that Tsunade of the Sannin could do with half a thought, not a genin 6 months out of the Academy! There’s no way Sakura, pitiful Sakura with her small reserves and lack of strength can do this! Shodaime’s balls, what was Yondaime-sama thinking! But Sakura can’t say that, she can’t. Instead she thinks hard and announces resolutely, “I’ll need to practice first. And get to know Rin’s chakra.”

Yondaime-sama smiles again, but this time Sakura can tell it’s his actual happy smile, the one he doesn’t have to hide his eyes for. “I’ll explain the theory for fully, then we’ll practice on some seals. Genma, strip.”

Sakura’s acutely aware of the fact that they’re in the middle of a warzone the third time a random enemy ninja stumbles into the glade and is summarily dispatched by Raido or Iwashi. The first time her concentration had broken and Genma had writhed in excruciating pain for several long minutes as her chakra fluctuated wildly. The second time, had gone much the same. Sakura could feel her frustration building in the set of her jaw; she could just feel the edges of the strange chakra that didn’t match the rest of Genma’s and start to painstakingly weave in her own to contain all of it, but could ever get all of it. And she had to, only had one shot, because the seal could be set off if it wasn’t completely obliterated all at once. And that wouldn’t end well.

Still, Sakura is sure she’s made progress - this time she’d managed to ignore the fight behind her, and captured the seal in its entirety (she thinks). Now to burn it out - without frying her chakra paths, Genma’s chakra paths, or his muscles. Did she even know any fire or lightning jutsu?

Yondaime-sama comes over from where he’s been by Rin, “Ah, have you mastered that then? Come.”

They don’t have a lot of time now - the fight has shifted and headed more their way, or at least that’s what Sakura suspects. Still, she settles herself on the ground comfortably, and reaches for Rin’s chakra. She’s no sensor, and Rin’s chakra is distinctly two-toned, something acidic and burning in Rin’s gut against the cool blue of herr natural chakra. Sakura stops wandering and focuses her senses around Rin’s heart - that’s where the Yondaime said the seal would be, and it shouldn’t be anywhere else. So Sakura just needs to go over - and there! Now the hard part. She imagines her chakra as fine as a silk thread, fine as spider-silk, and sticky. She sends out thin tendrils,  and lets her chakra latch on to the strange inky texture, keep it in place. It’s agonizing work, with Sakura having to spin out her chakra so fine she’s barely sure that it’s there; she’s not even sure she’s going to get all of the seal in one pass and that could kill Rin. Maybe. Probably. Sakura wasn’t a fuinjutsu master, and wasn’t about to ask the Yondaime either.

A light touch to her shoulder makes Sakura surface from her concentration just enough to hear, “Sakura, hold that. We’re going to put a containment seal around so Rin’s chakra pathways in her chest don’t catch and go up as well. The seal we’re adding will constrain the field we’re going to burn to the same depth and area as where your chakra is. Now, don’t move.”

She opens her mouth to ask Genma a question when the surge comes. Later, Sakura will realize that Genma had probably realized she was just a scared genin doing her best - not even a chuunin, or a tokubetsu jounin, just a genin, and had aimed to distract her before the lightning. It shocks down her nerves, screams across her chakra, flashes and sparks and Sakura can feel herself lose control of her muscles, everything seizing and shrieking in agony. Somehow, it feels like she’s being ripped apart and being put back together again, and then it’s over. All that’s left is a gentle wash of healing chakra like the medics had cursorily given her when she and Sasuke and Naruto had stumbled into the tower at the end of the second stage of the Chuunin exams, and the blessed relief of black.

She comes back to in the cool quiet murmur of medics - they all have the same tone down pat, it’s easy to pick them out once you know how they talk. Then the softer overlay of Kakashi-sensei, and the other boy, Obito, closer than the medics. The sheets are clean and soft and Sakura has probably ended up in hospital pajamas and should be self-conscious of that fact, but instead she lets the ache in her bones take her back down into the velvety dark.

The second time she rouses enough to recognize where she is, she can feel the pricks of where the IV lines have gone into her arm, and the prod of cool and even chakra feeling along her body methodically. It’s blissfully soothing to the sore agony of her limbs, the pounding of her skull. She wonders if she’s gotten sick enough that her mother took her to a medic, like that one time when she had just started the Academy. Mom had been so worried, but it had been alright in the end. Sakura tilts into the hand smoothing over her head.

“Not your mom, kid.” The snort is distinctly not her mother’s, this one male and it takes a moment to remember. Sakura jackknifes upright, reaching for where her kunai pouch should be (but isn’t) and wishes she had listened when the Kunoichi studies teacher had told them to hide a weapon in their hair, underwear, and/or cleavage (if they ever had any) just in case.

Her heads spins and the world tilts as alarms blare - there’s a flare of alarm on all parts and hands are pushing her forward, head down. Sakura is not proud to say she panics, tries to struggle against the hands holding her even as more hands descend. Voices are yelling, shouting, and Sakura finally catches the unmistakable tone of Kakashi-sensei grunting as one of her hands catches someone in the face. If Kakashi-sensei is here then it must be safe. Kakashi-sensei is loyal, her sensei, and wouldn’t let anyone hurt her.

As her (fruitless, really) fight tapers off, she lets herself be guided so her head is between her knees. The lightheadedness eases, and now Sakura can hear the murmur of medics, and Genma. That’s right. She’s not in her Konoha. Or, her Konoha isn’t here (yet?) The various possibilities are too confusing to think about too hard. “Breathe, kid.” Orders are good. Orders Sakura can follow. She takes a shaky breath, then another when the order comes. This is humiliating, because if Kakashi-sensei is here, then so are his teammates, and at least ANBU if not Raido and Iwashi, plus Genma. Sakura’s hair is pink - she’s not forgettable, and no one is likely to forget this ever.

“Come on, kid. You need to debrief with the Hokage.” Sakura hopes the package tossed onto the bed are clothes besides these pajamas. “I’ll be back after lunch, okay?” Sakura forces herself to nod - Its before lunch, she’s in Konoha, probably a hospital, probably the ninja hospital, and she’s alive in a time and place where Kakashi-sensei is a kid too. Probably  shouldn’t use anti-torture-interrogation techniques to keep herself in the present, but it was the only thing Sakura could think of. It still takes several long minutes to fully unfurl from her ball, relax sore muscles and properly breathe evenly, even longer to be steady enough to handle getting up and getting behind the privacy screen to change into the standard blue pants and shirt most adult ninja use. They’re hastily tailored with the long loose straight stitch taught to everyone in the Academy, not the neat and even backstitch most kunoichi use to build hidden pockets and spaces into their clothes. Sakura wonders if it’s worth trying to build a pocket by quietly ripping a few stitches, or if the ANBU watching will notice.

The decision is taken out of her hands by the steady thump of someone with a limp walking towards the screen. Obito. He’s leaning heavily on a crutch, concentrating on walking while clutching a new hospital pajama set in his hands. It’s clear why he needs it; he’s ripped large rents in his current set with green spikes. He’s frowning angrily, but he stops and smiles brightly at her as she shuffles out of the change space.

It reminds her of Naruto, and Sakura isn’t proud to say she feels a clench of anger and despair - at herself and her failures, and at remembering how mean she’d been, like the bullies had been mean about her forehead. “Hi!”

“Uh, hello.” Sakura tentatively returns the greeting. He looks like he wants to stay and chat, but a harried medic comes in and stares Sakura down. She knows a nonverbal summoning when she sees one, and cuts him off, “I’m sorry I have to go.” She bows politely and flees.

She’s early, she knows she’s early, waiting in the waiting room at the base of the stairs to the Hokage’s office. There’s a masked ANBU member who had appeared out of nowhere as she exited the restricted hospital ward, someone with a terrifyingly beautiful owl mask, and followed her to the Hokage Tower. Sakura’s not immediately concerned, not until she sees the eyes tracking her and hears the poorly concealed whispering. There’s no point in asking any questions to the ANBU agent, but Sakura wants to. She holds her head high instead - there’s no point in letting anyone see her weakness.

Sakura doesn’t wait long, all told. She’s escorted upstairs by the same ANBU, no respectfully bowing secretary or desk-nin subtly checking her over for weapons. Sakura has no doubts that the fresh-and-subtly-too-ill-fitted uniform is informing that decision - moving in it reveals that the seams are pinched to hinder easy movement, and any space anyone could conceivably easily hide a weapon moves such that it’d be quickly apparent. Anyone else would be pleased at how they’re treating her as a threat, as an unknown danger, but all Sakura can think is how it’s ironic - she’s weaker than the average genin, not yet ready to even be a genin with her skills, and ANBU and the Hokage are treating her like she’s dangerous.

She enters the office and immediately is taken by the sense of deja vu by the overall look of the office - the walls, the photos, the desk. The only major difference is the mess of papers in the guest seating, as if the Hokage had been doing extensive research and chose not the clean it up. If it’s a  deliberate choice, then Sakura doesn’t know what to make of it. Still, Sakura stands at attention before the Hokage’s desk and waits for him to acknowledge her.

He finishes conferring with the aide, and then turns and smiles at her. “Hello again Sakura. Thank you for coming.”

“The pleasure is mine Hokage-sama.” Sakura bows politely.

Yondaime-sama smiles, and it’s his closed eye one again, the one that no one else seems to notice is a veiled display of killing-intent. “I’m sure you understand we have questions for you. Regarding - well, to start, the fact you don’t appear in our records. No Academy records, no ninja registration though you gave one, not even a member of the Haruno family with your description or name. Yet, you knew where the Hokage Tower was, and your way around the hospital, as well as the protocols for entry. That’s all something no non-Konoha nin would know.”

Her brain spins. There’s choices to be made now, if all the textbooks that had described why time-travel seals are taboo were to be believed. Should she sacrifice her prided as a kunoichi again, and tell them everything to avoid T&I and having a Yamanaka dig around in her head? Should she refuse to say anything? But if she answered honestly, then she could avoid disasters like the Kyuubi attack, the Massacre. Would that mean she was never born? Would saving her home and the Hidden Village she swore loyalty to be worth it?

Apparently she takes too long because Yondaime-sama opens his eyes and that blasé and bland smile turns terrifying. “Would you mind answering some very simple questions then?”

Half-hearted and wary Sakura nods. “Where did you get the scrolls you came with?”

Right off the bat, it’s a trick question. Sakura would bet her A rank pay that Yondaime-sama knows the answer, but wants to hear if she’ll tell him. Inner curses the air blue as Sakura bites her lip, damn it. “The Tower library in the Forest of Death.”

The ANBU guards don’t even shift, nor does Yondaime-sama. The doubts begin to pile up, first a trickle then a rush. Is that the right answer? Do those scrolls even exist in Konoha in this time? What if one of them has the history of Konoha up until Sakura’s time in it?

“What were you doing at the front lines?” Yondaime-sama continues as if absolutely nothing is amiss.

This at least is easy. She lets some of her self-annoyance bleed through her tone, “To be honest,” she pauses, considering her words, “I… I was at the Tower library with my team waiting for our sensei and I got startled looking over the scrolls, reading a new technique, and my chakra must’ve activated one of the seals. I -I didn’t mean to.” Just truthful enough that it explains some things and holds back just enough information that there’s no use asking any further questions in that vein. Just a genin making a simple mistake and getting themselves into trouble.

Or not. Yondaime-sama frowns, the ANBU don’t twitch, and Sakura has the sinking feeling that she’s just told them all something wrong. Inner seethes, it’d be easier to just yell at them all, damn it! “Aah, who is your jounin-sensei?”

Sakura is not proud to say she panics. But there’s no way she can tell the truth and not be taken as … a crazy liar? A poorly-trained covert agent of the enemy?Any option is no good option. “The Copy-Nin, Kakashi.” Maybe leaving off Kakashi-sensei’s clan name will be good enough.

The Hokage’s smile drops off. He stares at her, as if he’s trying to dissect her with  his eyes alone, then steeples his fingers. He’s dropped the air-head act, Sakura suspects, given that the aide that was about to enter the room meeped and fled. Dangerous indeed. “Kakashi. Spelled “scarecrow”?” There’s a beat of silence, then his eyes dart to the side significantly, “Genma, the seal.”

Sakura hadn’t even noticed Genma there, but the room is covered by glowing ink scrawls, doing something. She is more afraid than she was when facing Zabuza in Wave Country, even though this is Konoha and the Hokage is not a murderous missing nin.

The Yondaime speaks now, “Sakura. Listen to me very carefully. I have one final question for you. Answer honestly.” The underlying or there will be consequences you don’t like remains unspoken but Sakura can hear it clearly. “Did you come here from the future?”

She can’t help it, she startles. He’s quick to reassure, “That information is not going to go beyond these walls, Sakura.”

“Because that’s going to ensure I continue to exist!” It comes bursting out of her like a waterfall, and so do the frustrated tears she had promised herself she wasn’t going to shed. With herself, with this no-win situation.

Heavy hands take her shoulders and guide her to the ugly couches tucked into the corner of the office, then thrusts a blue handkerchief into her hands. Sakura stutters her thanks, then wipes her tears ineffectively as they fall and fall and fall.

“Well, Yondaime-sama, that seems to answer that.” Genma mutters barely loud enough to hear. The Hokage just sighs in response. “Well, aren’t you glad you deciphered those seals now?”

There’s something to that statement that Sakura can’t quite work out - of course a seal master can figure out what a seal does, why wouldn’t he? - but it’s a problem for later. Her tears are slowing, and Sakura feels calmer than she has since she arrived here (whenever that was).

“Sakura, we’re going to temporarily assign you to be with my team, just until we figure out if - how to send you home okay? Since you’re at least familiar with Kakashi. We’ll forge some documents and have this be a seal accident that took a genin team to the front lines and got everyone but you killed. Can you remember that?” Sakura nods - it’s not a difficult lie to remember.

Yondaime-sama pauses considering, then forges on. “Just by being here you’ve already changed the future, you know. If there is anything you know that can keep Konoha safe - “ The door cracks open and an aide sticks her head in. The Hokage finishes roughly, distracted, “Please. I’m sure there’s somethings that could be handled differently.” He straightens and rewinds the scrolls. “We’ll have to speak later on that though.”

Sakura nods reluctantly - the Hokage has a point, and since she hasn’t failed to un-exist, then her existence is still secure. If only she could guarantee returning to her future as it was. Then she follows the Salamander ANBU out of the office.

There’s no reason for her to still be in the hospital ward that’s been cordoned off for the Hokage’s students, but since that’s where Kakashi-sensei is that’s where Sakura goes. She wants more to go and train - she knows the Academy katas and can at least work on her physical skills while she waits on the Hokage, but Salamander stares at her pointedly when she tries to branch off to the training grounds. Thus how she’s back in the hospital.

At least there’s good company, for what it’s worth. Obito - Uchiha! A real-life Uchiha! - is friendly and a startling counterpoint to what Sakura knows of Sasuke, as long as he’s not suddenly bursting into branches whenever he startles himself. Like gesticulating too wildly and falling out of bed.

“Maaa, Obito, isn’t this the fifth set of hospital pajamas you’ve shredded.” Kakashi-sensei is the oddest to actually talk to. He’s aloof, and says things in ways that don’t necessarily say what he means, but he’s still sharp. Sakura noticed the way that his visible eye alighted on Salamander, flicked to Sakura, and then had nodded once. Sakura is sure he’s understood that Sakura is to stay with him and the rest of his team, and got that all from a blank mask.

“You try having a new kekkai genkai randomly appearing, bastard! I’ll get it under control!” Sakura keeps expecting his sentences to end with “believe it!”, and it must show. Obito turns to her, “So Sakura, you’re a genin?”

Sakura nods once, because she is a genin, and simply getting through two stages of the Chunin exams didn’t change that fact. Rin’s been awake since Sakura got back, her color still grey but her smile easy and warm. “Oh! Then tell us about your team and your jounin-sensei!”

Meanly, Inner mouths off about Rin’s quiet friendliness, jealous and raging at her clear skill based on the thick and technical sounding medical texts on her bedside table. A kunoichi who wasn’t squandering herself chasing after boys. Rin’s been nothing but warm since Sakura returned though, quietly thanking her for doing the procedure and for telling the Hokage, praising her talent at not utterly destroying her ability to use chakra. Sakura looks away, overwhelmed. Rin is quick to correct, as if sensing her discomfort, “Don’t feel obliged though!”

“Ah, no. Um. I’m not sure what to tell you?” It’s a clear and blatant avoidance of the matter, and all three ninja pick up on it. “I’m teammates with Naruto and Sasuke. They’re rivals, I guess? They’re both good, but in different ways. Sasuke is a genius, but he’s… focused on achieving one goal. Naruto isn’t a genius, but he’s determined and he’s grown a lot as a ninja. He wants to become Hokage one day. They’ve both grown so quickly, especially Naruto. He almost didn’t pass the graduation exam, and now he’s -,” The frustration boiling in her gut is almost too much. Sakura doesn’t want to go on, bites back the words that sit on the tip of her tongue to  say instead, “I admire them both a lot.”

There’s a moment of silence, then Obito breaks it with a cheerful, “I like the sound of this Naruto guy! I bet we’d be good friends!” Rin giggles, like there’s some joke Sakura doesn’t understand, and Kakashi-sensei sighs. “Oh! Hey! What about you? Tell us about yourself!”

“There isn’t that much to tell?” Sakura looks down. “I. I’m not - haven’t -.”

Rin, who’s bedside she’s sitting at since it’s the only one with a chair by it, takes her hand. “You haven’t improved as much as your teammates?” Her tone is gentle. Sakura hunches over further, glum. “That’s fine! We can help with that! It sounds like your jounin-sensei has a lot on his hands with Sasuke and Naruto, and probably doesn’t devote much time to you. Rivals are hard to be teammates with, so you end up doing a lot of self-improvement alone.” Obito flinches, while Kakashi seems to not be bothered. Rin smiles serenely at the two, a good copy of their jounin-sensei’s smile and both boys stare in horror. “Kakashi. Obito. What say you about staging a break out?”

Obito whimpers and Kakashi-sensei tries to dispel a genjutsu.

“Please teach me that smile first.” Sakura breathes in amazed delight.

Hours later, Sakura is exhausted. Rin’s not cleared to do anything with chakra, and Kakashi-sensei is still suffering from chakra exhaustion, and Obito is still unsteady on his feet, but that doesn’t seem to mean that they don’t put Sakura through her paces.

Inelegantly, Kakashi sums up the experience, “You suck more than Obito.” Sakura would snap back verbally, but she’s too tired. Inner curses Kakashi-sensei out for her though.

“Kakashi. I think Sakura knew that much already.” Rin chastises beatifically. “Sakura, drink some water and we’ll review and figure out a place for you to start.” Which says a lot about Sakura’s state, doesn’t it, that she’s so bad at everything that they need to figure out what to begin improving first. She takes the water canteen with a quiet word of thanks, and sips gratefully.

“You don’t have much chakra - though you’re good at rationing chakra - or physical stamina, but you caught on pretty quickly with kenjutsu and how to avoid if we went slowly enough. And genjutsu. You were decent with genjutsu.” Obito rattles off around a mouthful of rice ball. He pauses after reviewing something in his head, frowning. “Actually, how’d you break my wood style back then?”

There had been a few mishaps with the wood style so far that afternoon. Sakura stares blankly back, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

“You broke my wood with a punch.” Kakashi perks up, and Rin looks excited.

“With a punch? You’re sure?” Obito nods. “Like Tsunade of the Sannin!”

Sakura has to roll that around in her head. She knows of Tsunade, who doesn’t? One of the Legendary Sannin, the legendary frontline medic, who left Konoha during the Third War and hadn’t returned. Rin continues on, “Tsunade could level mountains with her fists alone! Maybe you could do something like that, Sakura? Chakra-augment your punches?”

Sakura shakes her head, “My taijutsu is horrid.” It was true. Not even good enough to do more than “guard” a civilian in a fight.

“That’s something time and practice can fix. No one comes out of the Academy a taijutsu genius afterall. Plus, we know your chakra control is good enough to be a medic nin!” Rin is practically bouncing in her seat. Sakura just stares. “Go on! Try it out!”

Sakura does. Her punches land ineffectively on the training post, knuckles already bruised from the testing earlier. Nothing happens to the post. Rin and Obito call out encouragements as Sakura’s frustration mounts.

Kakashi-sensei sighs heavily from where the rest of Team Minato is seated parallel to her, then enters her field of vision fully. “Not like that. You’re going to hurt yourself. Like this.” Kakashi-sensei carefully places his stance, and stares at Sakura until she arranges herself to mimic him, then corrects her gently. Then he slowly works himself through the punch, a simple straight that’s easy enough to copy. He has her repeat the motion over and over until he’s satisfied. “Now add a touch of chakra to that.”

Sakura does, and repeats the motion. “Not chakra everywhere, just chakra to your fist.” She corrects, and repeats the motion a few more times, then more times still as Kakashi-sensei repeats “again” like it’s the only word he knows. Finally he nods once, “Punch the post. All your strength.”

Sakura is tired, and sweaty, and she’s gone through the motion of throwing a punch so much her arms are sore. Still, she pulls at the foundations of her frustration and anger and throws that behind the punch, with just a touch of chakra to the front of her fist. It lands neatly, the motion smoothed out from practice, and her fist leaves a deep hole in the wood. Not all the way through, or even a quarter, but clearly more than anyone else has managed in the years that the post has weathered. Obito and Rin cheer excitedly from the sidelines, and Sakura thinks for once she might be able to build on this skill easily. She forgets herself in her excitement for a moment and hugs Kakashi-sensei, doesn’t realize until he stiffens that she had crowed, “Thank you Kakashi-sensei!”

“Kakashi-sensei, hmm?” Obito ponders the phrase. “Who would give this asshole genin anyways? Not Minato-sensei!” He and Rin dissolve into amused giggles.

A crackle of lightning and the Hokage appears, “Not Minato-sensei what?”

Rin giggles, “There’s no way you’d give Kakashi a genin team!”

Sakura feels the urge to defend her teacher in absentee, “He’s a good teacher though!” In all fairness, her Kakashi-sensei wasn’t, but since this one and that one were both her sensei, in a weird recursive way….

Minato ruffles Sakura’s head first, then Kakashi’s. “Then we’ll have to give him a genin team with that sort of strong recommendation.” The barely disguised look of horror lurking in Kakashi-sensei’s eyes is worth her defense of him.

Slowly they all make their way to Ichiraku ramen, celebration in order several times over. First, Obito’s return - apparently he’d been MIA presumed KIA for some time now. Rin’s survival of being tortured by Kiri - plus the bijuu and the death seal, which Sakura carefully notices that Yondaime-sama doesn’t mention; as well as Sakura’s newly discovered skill. And Kakashi-sensei’s discovery of latent teaching talent.

“Ramen! The food of champions!” Obito cheers.

“Minato-sensei, if we’re just going so you can meet Kushina-san please let me go home instead.” Kakashi-sensei declares unflinchingly. The Yondaime just smiles and  Kakashi-sensei sighs.

“Kushina-nee is the best!” Obito explains, as if he’s not leaning on Rin as his limp gets more pronounced with tiredness. “She’s super pretty and got long red-hair. Plus, she’s got the best taste in ramen!”

Ichiraku is mostly empty when they get there, the bar seats near the street all free. They settle down and order, Sakura sticking to the standard miso ramen with cha-shu pork on top. Her  stomach rumbles pointedly at the smell of the delicious broths and the aroma of cooking meats. Over the sound of Obito and Kakashi arguing - or rather Kakashi making vague statements that antagonize Obito because they’re entirely too vague and are probably designed to needle Obito - the Yondaime murmurs to Sakura, “We’ll head back to my office after we drop everyone back at the hospital. ” Her stomach sinks - however much she’s internalized that she’s already changed the future, that if she ever returns to her time and place things will be different - there’s still no good way to disclose the things she knows.

There’s a flurry of bright red hair swinging into the open seat next to the Yondaime, “You wouldn’t believe the kind of day I had! Some asshole tried to tell me Obito was alive - I punched his face in, believe it!”

“Kushina-nee!”

“Obito?!”

Sakura is frozen. She knows that face. She knows that face. Her eyes dart to the Yondaime, who’s being whacked repeatedly in the arm by his … girlfriend? … and she knows that coloring too. No way.

Rin leans over, “Sorry about that. Kushina and Obito together … they’re a lot to get used to.” That’s an understatement, given their volume, but that’s not - . Sakura shakes herself free. Why hadn’t anyone ever said anything to Naruto? The Yondaime was his father. Would be his father?

The thought carries her through a wild ramen eating contest, dropping off Rin and Obito at the hospital - they lost Kakashi-sensei somewhere and Sakura can’t believe Kakashi-sensei getting lost is something that’s real and not a shitty excuse, she’s going to have to apologize so much to Kakashi-sensei later, though Rin and Kushina cry from laughing too hard when Sakura mentions getting him a map and Obito makes a dying noise - walking Kushina back to her apartment and trying to ignore the Hokage’s poor flirting game because oh Shodaime those are her teammate’s parents why. Then they’re back in the Hokage Tower and Sakura can’t help herself. “Holy trees of Konoha!”

Yondaime-sama looks startled. “Huh?”

Sakura gesticulates wildly, uncaring she’s not being proper or like a lady or whatever her mother tried to drill into her head. “You! And Kushina-san! Naruto!” Yondaime-sama blinks blankly. “He looks just like you both, Yondaime-sama!”

He looks bewildered for a moment, then turns bright red. “Oh. Um.” He buries his face in his hands, to the quiet snickering of Genma and Raido by the door.

Sakura feels vindicated that someone else if finding this earth shattering as a revelation too. This puts everything in a new light! Naruto would be the first person to ever be a direct descendant of a Hokage to become Hokage! Sakura’s already resolved to be nicer to Naruto, in recognition of her determination and improvement towards his goal, but now she’s going to support his dream too.

The Nara that had quietly passed through the door clears his throat pointedly. “Hokage-sama? If we could get back to the point?”

Minato unearths himself to compose himself. “Ah. Yes. Thank you Shikaku.” He straightens his jacket, then thumbs something Sakura can’t see. The seals activate again. “About what happens in the future….”

Sakura wonders if this is really alright to tell them. What if the future is already changed to avert those catastrophes? It must show on her face because Shikaku grimaces, “Even if the events never come to pass, knowing they’re a possibility and the potential outcomes is better than not knowing.”

It’s a point Sakura has to concede. “I - don’t know specifics. Just the major events, or what I’ve heard over time.” This seems to be acceptable to the Hokage and Shikaku. “None of them have to do with the Third War.” Grimaces. Well, then. “The Uchiha are going to be massacred by the eldest son of the Clan Head. He snapped one night and slaughtered them all except his little brother.” Yondaime-sama nods and makes some notes on a piece of paper. Sakura hope sit for mandatory T&I review for all shinobi, to make sure they’re sane, that the Uchiha don’t end up dead again. She breathes deeply then continues, “The Kyuubi is going to get loose on October 10th. The Hokage and his wife die in the attack, after sealing the Kyuubi into an orphan.”

There’s silence as that sinks in, and uneasy glances are exchanged. The Hokage’s eyes sharpen, as if he’s suddenly understanding something terrible. “We can put more security measures in place then. Thank you for telling us.” Sakura’s gut clench, because she knows now that the Hokage understood her. “Do you know how long it will be from now?”

Sakura shakes her head in dissent. “Unless you tell me the year?” Shikaku tells her and she runs some calculations. Then frowns and runs them again. “Yondaime-sama is Hokage right?” Curious looks, but Shikaku nods. The numbers don’t make sense. “And the Third War is ongoing?” More nods, this time from all around. “Then the timeline - .” Sakura crunches the numbers one last time. “My timeline is different!”

“What?” Minato boggles.

“You’re not supposed to have become Hokage until after the end of the war. After you kill over a thousand Kiri nin in a few minutes with your Hiraishin. It came down to you and Orochimaru of the Sannin.”

“But Orochimaru refused the hat here?” The Hokage looks confused. “He’s… well he’s really busy regrowing limbs for people injured in the war.”

“Oh.” Strange, the Snake person working on limb regeneration. Sakura couldn’t fathom how that had happened, recalling the horrific monster she had encountered in the Forest of Death. “That’s about everything major you need to know as far as history. There are probably more minor events, but I don’t know them.” Sakura bows her head in apology.

The Hokage smiles, genuine and soft. “No, thank you Sakura. Your information may not come to be of any use, but it still might save lives.” He stands. “Come on. We’ve got a way to get you home.”

Home. Or, hopefully home. Close enough to home that would make no difference? Sakura will take any of the above, and willingly follows the Hokage into the depths of the Tower.

She’s falling again, but this time she twists in the air like she saw young Kakashi-sensei do and punches the ground as she lands. The floor fractures and splits like an earthquake has passed, and then crumbles. Sakura can hear screams, around her, and she feels woozy as she cradles her broken hand - probably too much chakra use, whoops. But! She still wrecked the floor - maybe she’d make something of a kunoichi yet!

“Maa, maa, Sakura-chan. I don’t think the poor floor deserved such treatment.” Kakashi-sensei doesn’t even bother to look up from where he’s reading a garish orange book. Sakura thinks of the aloof young boy she left in the past and wants to laugh,

“Look, Kakashi-sensei! I did it! Like Tsunade of the Sannin!” Sakura can feel a laugh bubbling up inside her like something being set free. This is only step one of her chase after Sasuke and Naruto after all, one punch does not a strong kunoichi make. But it feels more manageable now, to build on this skill, to grow. Maybe she can stand on an even playing field with her teammates, maybe they can be just as good as the Sannin, or better, if Naruto is half as good at sealing as his father, if Sasuke is half as much as genius as Kakashi-sensei. Sakura thinks of Naruto and his million clones zooming around in clouds of lightning, of Sasuke matching him with his Sharingan and tossing around jutsu like leaves. If that’s a possibility, then maybe Sakura shouldn’t just aim to be a good kunoichi and teammate. Maybe she could reach farther than just improving. Maybe she should aim to be the best of them all, among the S class nin. It doesn’t seem so far fetched, and while the task seems daunting, it seems possible. She bursts in laughter, ignoring the way Naruto was cowering as muttering concernedly about how “Sakura-chan got scary.” Yes, this is a path Sakura can follow, and this is a path Sakura will follow until she’s the best.

Omake:

“Aaa, Sakura-chan.” Kakashi-sensei snaps closed his book. “Rin says ‘hello’.” Then he disappears in a substitution, leaving a log behind.

If you enjoyed this piece, why not take a look at other pieces written by the same author on AO3.

[waywardfacegarden]

Ok, I don’t have anything BIG against Sakura. I like her as a character (I have a few bad thoughts about her, tho, and most of them are relative about Sasuke and her, or she being too mean or rude sometimes, but it’s not like I hate her or something. She grew up, she was a very important part of Team 7, she was such a great ninja medic) and I think that she was okay, but I hate when SS shippers (and people in general) start saying things like “I like SS, tho Sasuke didn’t deserve her, you know”, “she did so much for him”, “she was the person who cared about him the most and he treated her so mean and rude”... I mean... what???

Sakura was fine, but all the “Sasuke didn’t deserve our queen” is bullshit. Sorry, but it’s true. I keep seeing this phrase more often lately and it just. makes. me. ANGRY.

Sakura, who was supposedly so in love with Sasuke, tried to kill him. And before you all start with the “but she was so in love that she couldn’t” let me tell you that it is such a lame excuse, because she STILL tried to kill him, ok? That she “couldn’t” doesn’t count because she still tried, and that she couldn’t because some reason doesn’t quit that she still tried to at some point. It doesn’t quit that she GAVE UP on him. She, who was the one that “loved him so much that hurt”, gave up on trying to get Sasuke back, to get Sasuke “out of darkness”, she gave up on trying to understand him, understand his reasons for all he was doing. She thought there was no saving for Sasuke, that there was no way to "make him come to reason", that “the pain her pursuit of Sasuke caused” wasn’t worth it. And don’t tell me I’m wrong, because that’s you making things up. She thought it, that’s basically the reason why she tried to kill him. She gave up. All the “Sakura is not a little girl anymore, Naruto, she’s a kunoichi, she grew up, she knows how things are, she understands, you should do it too”. Everyone in the village gave up on him, everyone thought that he was a criminal and didn’t even TRY to understand him, and so did she. She gave up.

You know who is the ONLY person who actually CARED for the reasons behind Sasuke’s actions? The ONLY person who actually NEVER gave up on him? On trying to understand him? Naruto. He didn’t try to kill him. Not even once. Even after all that happened, he NEVER GAVE UP on him. He never lost his undying faith on him. Naruto KNEW Sasuke was a good person, that he had a good heart. He KNEW that Sasuke wouldn’t do anything for no reason. Naruto cared. Naruto tried to understand him, since day one. Did he try to kill him even though Sasuke attacked him? No, he said he would shoulder Sasuke’s hatred and die with him so he’d never be alone again. He even begged the Raikage to spare Sasuke’s life. He had a several panic attack just at the thought of Sasuke’s death.

AND before you start with "but that's unfair because Naruto knew the truth about Itachi so he could understand him better" because I'm gonna tell you something: Naruto didn't have to believe that. Madara (well, Obito, but in that time he was supposedly Madara) told him that. MADARA, who was the big villain in that moment, told him, and he could have decided to not believing him like Yamato did, like Kakashi did. Naruto decided, he CHOSE to believe it despite all. He actually THOUGHT that, was it truth or not, it AFFECTED Sasuke. He CARED about how Sasuke could have feel in that time. He understood that Sasuke was suffering because of the truth, because of all that happened. He didn't dismiss his feelings, he didn't give up; his love for him wasn’t selfish, because he CARED. He spent awake before Obito went, thinking "Sasuke, why didn't you come back to the village? You already had your revenge, you killed Itachi. Did it make you feel better? Or did all just get worse?" HE THOUGHT ABOUT HOW SASUKE COULD HAVE BEEN FEELING IN THAT MOMENT, HE CARED ABOUT HIM AND HIS FEELINGS AND ALWAYS TRIED TO UNDERSTAND HIM, unlike Sakura.

Besides, Sakura COULD have known about Itachi if she wanted. She heard when Naruto said "I know about Itachi's truth", she HEARD, and did she ask Naruto about that? Did she even tried to know what was happening in Sasuke's life? No. She didn't. She didn't ask. She stayed ignorant because SHE WANTED. She HEARD what Naruto said and she didn't even ask anything about that, despite knowing how important Itachi was for Sasuke, how it could affected him, whatever it was. She didn't even try to understand Sasuke. She just didn't get him, never. She thought about him as a criminal, she thought that the pain she was feeling was not worth it and she gave up. Naruto was suffering just as much as her, the girl that was "so in love" with Sasuke, and he didn't thought that the pain was not worth it. He tried to understand, he knew that, somehow, Sasuke was feeling very bad and he didn't want him to suffer more, he didn't want Sasuke to feel lonely, he was willing to die with him (and put all, his desires, his goals, ALL aside because of him, just so Sasuke would not feel lonely anymore, would not suffer more about the Uchiha clan and Itachi. He WANTED to meet Sasuke in the afterlife and be happy there with him, no more wars, no more corruption system, no more jinchuuriki and clan problems, just the two of them. Happy.) So don't dare to tell me that Sakura deserved Sasuke SO MUCH and that she did so much for him instead of just spill out her feelings and gave up on him. Don't dare to tell me that she was the person who cares more about Sasuke because that's not true. And I'm tired of all the glorify to the girls in the fandom (yeah, I'm talking about the "princess Hinata" too, you all glorify the girls so much.), because the truth is that Sakura gave up on him. I don't care about if you say that she loved him or she cared about him because yes, she did, but NOT ENOUGH, and despite Sasuke took bad decisions in his life (because of certain reasons, but still, bad decisions), Sakura had his fails too, and if you talked about her as the girl who was "so in love with Sasuke that he didn't even deserve her" then WOW, THAT girl actually cared less than the boy that was supposedly just "Sasuke's friend/best friend". That's a dissapointment.

SS is a shitty ship NOT ONLY because of Sasuke. Sakura’s “love” was selfish and like a drug, like Kishimoto himself said. Sakura, who was “so in love” with the boy didn’t even try to understand him? I mean, what? If you say that Sasuke is bad for Sakura, then Sakura is bad for Sasuke too. She always talked about how much she loved Sasuke but she didn’t even understand him? She didn’t even tried to think that there were reasons behind his actions? No, she thought that he became a monster, that he became a criminal. So, if you say that Sasuke was bad for Sakura, the let me tell you that Sakura was bad for him too.

SS is a toxic relationship and a bad pairing because of BOTH parts, not just once.

So stop with all the hate for Sasuke, because he’s not the only to blame here.