#Just very tired and run down
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If Man-Bat likes you, prepare to have your personal space disrespected! Vampire bats are very social, often snuggling up close to other members of their kind and even initiating grooming as part of social bonding. Man-Bat might rest his head on your shoulders, lean against you, even go as far as licking your hair if it looks very messy and out of place. It can be quite uncomfortable, especially in summer given his high body temperature.
#🦇 || musings#🦇 || headcanons#I think I sent out all the aks today!#I don't think I did a very good job as my brain fizzled out at some point#Definitely not feeling well and work granted me a little time off this week#The rest of my hours will be normal at 8pm to 12am but will go back to full time starting Monday#Just very tired and run down#I hope people like their asks anyhow and please don't feel obliged to answer!#I can always send something different if the first doesn't work#Felt like writing a smol quickly bc Man-Bat can be VERY grabby#He'll think nothing of pulling you in and fixing your messy hair#No doubt making it even messier but at least you're clean now! :)#He can be pretty annoying when not being scary lmao
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Crack fic idea: POV of a police officer chasing a robbery suspect who ends up running into DMC to escape/grab a hostage. When the officer opens the door, he finds the suspect standing frozen in the middle of the room, because on the opposite end by the desk, an angry Vergil's standing there stabbing a surprised Dante. This stabbing pretty obviously happened before the robber showed up. It's only through the hand, but the one guy is holding a whole giant samurai sword, the guy getting stabbed has a gun in his free hand, and there's kind of a lot of blood.
The other officer comes in after POV guy. Officer 2 looks over the scene, then starts to arrest the suspect who's still so shocked he doesn't really fight the handcuffs. Once the suspect is cuffed, Officer 2 starts to walk him through the door and tells POV Officer it's time to go. POV Officer is confused, because uh, sir, there's some pretty severe domestic violence going on and he doesn't know if that gun's registered, and even if they ignore all the normal police/violence/safety issues shouldn't they call some EMTs??? Or at least ask the guy getting stabbed if he's okay???? (To which Dante calls out "oh yeah I'm good!" confusing poor POV officer further)
Officer 2 just frowns and shakes his head. "No, they've got this. Right Dante?" To which Dante cheerfully replies with some small talk that makes it obvious he and Officer 2 are acquainted. Vergil gets tired of the small talk and rips the Yamato out of Dante's hand, walking upstairs. And when POV Officer starts to ask something else, Dante basically just waves him off with some sort of comment about how Vergil's just grumpy, honestly Dante kind of deserved that one, he'll admit he was being a bit pushy. And then waves goodbye when Officer 2 says they really need to get back go the station and book the suspect.
As they leave, POV Officer asks what's going on. Officer 2 basically just tells him not to worry, and not to write it in the report. That's just Dante. Dante tries to keep clear of the police, the police try to keep clear of Dante, and everyone's happy. He's helped out on a handful of cases when he just so happened to be in the area, he's gotten accused of some property damage a few times, it all evens out. You just don't mention Dante. City Police actually have a code for it, if they ever absolutely have to. But today they don't, so they won't. They caught the suspect. That's that. The suspect ran into one of the many abandoned buildings in the area and they caught him. Nothing else of note.
Oh, and if POV Officer is worried about the hand, he shouldn't be. The police here have known demons were real for years before Redgrave, and they're pretty sure Dante's one of the nice ones. When he says he'll be fine, hell be fine. Officer 2 has some good stories about him getting shot in the chest and getting tight bacm up, actually...
...
And so a crazy day comes to an end. The suspect's been caught, the streets are safe, and that's that. Nothing else happened. Nothing at all.
If POV Officer starts sprinting in the opposite direction when he sees a certain tall, white haired, blue eyed, blue wearing man when he's walking down the street later that week, it's for no reason at all.
#i think i might actually want to write this#it would be very silly#but it could be fun#erurandomness#POV Officer is basically somewhere along the spectrum of terrified and confused for 90% of the fic#meanwhile dante is very 😄#vergil is 😠#and Officer 2 is just kind of tired#dmc#running into dante can be either nice because you get to exclude some stuff from your report and that saves you time#or (and this is usually the case) a headache because then you've gotta worry about figuring out how to censor his presence#they have some name in their system that isn't dante or tony redgrave that refers to him#in forty years some journalist is going to get access to the reports and make it into a huge story#the mystery man mentioned in all these reports and the big cover up. how many more things was he involved in. who was he?#why did they cover things up for him? was he an inside man? mafia? was he paying them off? threatening them?#(no they just can't mention demons even though they all knew demons were real. even post qliphoth people debate if they are)#i have more hc's about dante's various encounters with the police#including one where he and trish are having lunch when the place gets robbed#the guy goes up to dante and realizes he has guns and tries to shoot them but. no bullets and no gunpowder#it doesn't even do a little pew of a failed firing. just. nothing.#later on dante shoots at him when he tries to escape and the robber is completelt flabbergasted bc he patted dante down#that man didnt have any bullets on him how the HELL did he do that#etc etc i need to sleep but#yeah#funny things!#i did not proofread this btw
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Nobody is asking Yona to sacrifice herself or stay with the dragons forever. That's not why ppl are upset with her imo. What's disappointing was that when the gods say Kouka would turn into hell, we didn't saw any hesitation in her. She could've argued w them or showed some determination like: "hey, I won't let you play with me or my country no matter how hard you try" something she did while zeno was trying to kill himself. But no she's like oh hell sounds fun as long as I'm with my family. She even hesitated when Hak's life seems at stake. So what does it mean? And there's is a difference between her running away from the gods vs Suwon not depending on the gods. She's ok to enjoy the blessings but when it comes to pay back, she's running away. Yona acted like a selfish brat like she used to be in the castle, which is disappointing if we consider her development in the past
I'm not gonna lie in this case I feel like people are just looking for something to be mad at her. Like, in chapter 257, I was more bothered by Yona not hesitating because the consequences of that decision were 100% assured and known : all the dragons of the past waiting and suffering in vain until the current generation. And the whole time paradox twist was a lot to process and swallow in a few pages, that Yona's reaction felt sudden too. I wanted to see her hesitate then because I was affected as a reader by the twist that it was technically Yona that made the cycle happen? Even if from her POV it was about not erasing the past like damn that's a lot.
But the circumstances are not the same at all here imo. Yona has been in this chalice for like an entire volume. She tried already to negociate with the gods. It didn't work. They went against their words. They hurt the dragons. She tried everything she could here. They're basically bullying her, they keep tormenting her, she's not getting through them at all. Yona is affected and upset when they tell her about the dragons' limbs. She came here to begin with to save them, she made a deal with the gods that made her stuck inside the chalice against her will but supposedly in exchange of the dragons being freed, and now she realizes that even that failed and that they lost body parts. It's devastating. And Yona looks sick of it. From this point, it's clear to me she realized it's useless trying to get anything from them, because she won't. They're only toying with her and her feelings. All she can do is leave with them and defuse. There's NOTHING she can do more from the heavens, she can't ask the gods to save the dragons and even less protect Kouka.
Yona has been having nightmares about natural disasters and wars breaking out since chapter 257, she's already past hesitating about this too. So I don't mind she doesn't hesitate for it here. Yona in chapter 257 was scared of even falling asleep because she was scared of this future where she's all alone and it's hell everywhere. But she can only stop it by facing it and standing against it. It didn't happen yet, she has to keep her eyes open... She already learned this lesson. As we've seen with Yona protecting Hak from Zeno, her nightmares can be prevented, but this won't be if she stays still in heavens. Staying in a peaceful garden and shivering because intervening outside could cause more problems is much more like Yona of the beginning before her development, than Yona leaving to live in Kouka and fight against problems arising there. Yona was told her existence and actions were a pain that could create more problems at different occasions, and her conviction has always been to make her own place in the world anyways. Before she asks for the gods' divine protection, she should face her own fears and try to do something herself...that's how she always worked. She has always refused to rely on the gods alone.
The motif of living outside and in not the most comfortable place but finding purpose in getting through struggles together has been a thing forever that Yona's reaction about life outside being preferable only seems natural to me. I don't know... Her hesitating here would have felt redundant and would have surprised me. Yona has long ago developed the conviction that she finds more purpose in life in the struggles and difficulties because of all the people reaching out their hand to help, than her peaceful and confined, lonely days in the palace. She always found more purpose in helping people on the ground than to take decisions from above. Even in the castle and south kai arcs it was visible how she wanted to go help prisoners herself, and the way she went to rescue Meinyan shows it well too. I don't want her to hesitate for this. She already said she'd rather live in the mud in chapter 263 too. That's the most Yona thing ever imo, it makes me happy personally. It doesn't need to be said she's concerned for others, and she will keep running to their help to do something with her own hands. I don't need her to hesitate because personally I have no conflicted feeling about the situation and I think Yona is 100% right, here. I have no doubt she is intelligent enough at this point to say this too.
You could argue it would have been better if she had a speech like the one she had in chapter 43, and I can't argue about that (it's true it's very good!). I can understand, I just personally don't need it, because the fact chapter 43 exists is enough in itself to me and the present automatically resonates with it and everything before. I can't be mad at Yona not saying word for word "I'm going to save people struggling outside" because I already know that. I personally don't need that reassurance at this point.
The chapter shows her being concerned for Kouka and everyone on Earth when she flies on Ouryuu's back. Yona always planned to return from the chalice for everyone and everything she left behind on Earth. Of course she's concerned. She wants to bring her friends back from the chalice AND help everyone in Kouka. She promised Yun she would come back with everyone, she planned to return to Suwon too and not abandon her duties as Princess. All these things exist inside of her. Anyways, Yona doesn't need to tell the gods to stop toying with her country like she did with Zeno before too, because the ways things are presented, it seems like it's not like the gods cause this on purpose either? It's a consequence of everything going to shit, and it's also Ouryuu who is on her side talking to her before she says she prefers hell than here. So she doesn't reply angrily, she replies with hope. That's why that page is beautiful too, imo. The gods might not see and understand the value in such a world that Hiryuu and Yona are so fond of. But they can't help but love this messy, "hellish" world. Talking angrily to the gods didn't work in ch263/264 either, so I feel like it was also her trying a different approach when she told them she would live in Kouka maybe? Like she doesn't want to let herself be affected and be upset by them and she simply, intransigently voices her intentions to them?
You say you don't want her to sacrifice herself and stay with the gods forever, but also accuse her of "running away" from the gods and call her a selfish brat for her reactions in this chapter, so I really don't understand your point here. How on earth is Yona supposed to not depend on the gods in this situation but by not making a deal with them? Staying in Heavens, contract done to protect Kouka from doom and ending it at that (because she would be stuck there) would be truly the coward move imo. Yeah she's turning back and trying to get out of Heavens but... it's...good to stop moving forward and further if doing so brings you to extreme loneliness and/or death I think...? I think that's the point...Getting desperate, leaving everything behind and sacrificing more and more of your true wants and isolating yourself has been a pattern that never brought anything good to the characters that tried before. She struggles and things didn't happen as expected, many things are still unresolved, but she can only do so much in this situation. She tried. She tried discussing with the gods, asking them to free the dragons, to let her out. It didn't work, it was a blow on her when they forced her under a sea of flowers, when they tried torturing Zeno, and when she learned the dragons got injured. From that, she adapted and tried to leave. That's it.
I think Yona wavering when they threaten to kill Hak and what it means is pretty simple and is no secret. Yona loves and cares about Hak. Hak is someone important, personal and intimate to her, so obviously she's not unaffected. Yona from the very beginning has been trying to get stronger and do all she could to protect Hak again and again. Losing people dear to her is what scares her more than anything, it always has been so, even if it coexists with her caring about the world around her too. And you know, even if Hak is special to her, I honestly think that if the gods had threatened the lives of the dragons and not only their limbs, Yona would have been affected too. She would have also faltered had they threatened the life of people she doesn't know in the same terms. It's just extra cruel to use Hak in particular against her. It shows again the gods atp are only interested in destroying everything that might be connecting Yona to Earth. It's the exact same form of abuse that Chagol used against Meinyan. It's about isolating her. It's also not really the same as claiming people will die without the gods' divine protection that is more like a potential consequence than a term of a contract like it is at the end of the chapter. She can stand against conflicts outside and protect people there, but what can she do against Hak just, being killed by divine intervention if she doesn't return to heavens (supposedly)? They fucking coerce her here. Maybe it's just bluff, and she should not give a fuck about Hak and still leave. After all, what is one person against the world and her freedom! But well, she cares. She never discarded her loved ones and never compromised Hak and her friends' life. She never compromised the life of anyone really (which is different from sparing and refusing to kill anyone). That's who Yona is. Yona doesn't sacrifice and compromise people's lives, That's why she wants to save everyone AND wants to go home. And that's why she's stuck now. Yona wants to live. But she can't sacrifice someone innocent either, especially not someone she loves. It's the perfect dilemma for her. And that she's forced into it is what is heartbreaking. She shouldn't have to choose. That's why she needs help now.
Bringing up payback like this rubs me a bit in the wrong way...This damn idea of paying back is what has been haunting the narrative for so many years i can't conceive repeating it for Yona too. To me it comes from the same mindset that asks for retribution, punishment and karma for every character that upset Yona in some way or should be grateful and kneel to her and Hak that has been so sickening for so long. I don't want anyone to be forced to pay anything back ever. Every character should get all the help and support they need for free at all times imo. I don't think Yona nor the dragons should have to pay such a harsh price either. Because that's what a blessing is. That's what love and kindness are. That's what wishes are. If the gods really cared for Hiryuu, they wouldn't ask her anything in return, they wouldn't torment her, they wouldn't punish the dragons either. It can just...stop. (Because yes this favor shouldn't be at all to begin with) Which is what Yona wants.
Aren't we so tired of all this "contracts" and "punishment" and "paying back" bullshit by now? I so am. It's exactly what has been ruining the lives of the characters forever and now (and my mental health as a reader lol). She's paying back right now by being in this situation already. And that's not a good thing at all. It's very good narratively though because yeah, they want her to pay back! They make this about contract when she was asking a favor! She's paying the price for her decision in ch257, for ever using the dragons, for entering the chalice as Hiryuu's reincarnation...But it's nothing but sad. There doesn't need to be this payback. That's what the story is exploring. Looking for the dragons to survive (whom she never forced, even if yes they were bound by their contract thing) and protect Hak is not a crime, not erasing the past to save her friends isn't so evil that she deserves to sacrifice herself. Making it end is enough. It may be selfish that yeah she enjoyed the good parts of it until it bothered her but honestly I think it's okay lol. As long as it ends. As long as no one has to pay back anything for doing their best to survive and struggling to protect something. Like Meinyan doesn't need to apologize or to pay back anyone for all she did and was done for her, just like Suwon doesn't need to be even and be punished, like Shinah doesn't need to executed for attacking Suwon, like Zeno doesn't need to be punished for betraying Yona and the ddhhb, etc... Because it's better to look at the bigger picture and at people's circumstances you know...That's how I interpret this arc, at least.
Yona doesn't pay back by sacrificing things, she "pays back" by giving back out of gratitude. That's precisely what she does by doing all she can to save the dragons right now. The dragon warriors gave her so much without ever asking anything back, they saved her from danger and they saved her from despair, she's so grateful and loves them so deeply she wants to bring them happiness too. But Yona can't give the Gods what they want without sacrificing important things to her, and not when they're the way they are now. So she can only leave.
Of course Yona/Hiryuu alone getting this treatment from the gods was always unfair and it shouldn't be at all, especially not at the cost of so many dragons suffering for so long. But well, she did. And when learning how this "favor" was hurting the people around her, she was affected, grieved it in ch253/254, and then she opposed it and tried to stop it in the present. (Also she's been concerned by the dragons' use of their powers for a very long time even if she doesn't go deeper) But the gods don't care. You can blame her for not questioning things more before, I'm critical of this too, I still conflicted about chapter 257 as well, plus everything irt the crimson illness etc but like, she says it, she doesn't want their powers if that's the price. She only wants the human them. She doesn't need the dragons' powers and she doesn't need the gods' protection. When she throws away Hiryuu's sword they give her, it's her rejecting that again. She doesn't want that special power and favor, that's not what she's asking. She wants agency and power, but not at the price of the agency and free will of others. She wants everyone to have normal lives where they can decide things for themselves, to live with their whole free will. That's her development in this arc. I like that she finally faces these things.
Maybe it's just a question of preference, and you might be affected by Yona's reactions in a way I can't relate. But personally I like the chapter this way and I like Yona in it. I don't think she's a selfish brat (god. it's...such a thing to call her honestly it irks me sorry, despite all criticisms I have of her character.) I don't think she doesn't care about Kouka and its people at all. Ive seen people say that too but...Even if yes Yona is still a 16 years old girl with struggles and feelings and still some immaturity which is important to take into account, I don't think she's as childish and inconsiderate as people make her either. People often seem to say her reactions and decisions are emotional and with no reason but I think they're emotional AND with reason, at least here. Yona doesn't say this about Kouka struck by disasters being preferable than Heavens from emotions alone (because yes, she just wants to go home and she genuinely loves the people in Kouka), but also from experience and conviction. They don't cancel each other out. It doesn't make her a hypocrite to have personal interests in it too.
#akayona thoughts#any spoilers#yona#yona can care about her friends first my king will take care of the country#cousins of cleaning each other's mess...really i just feel sm peace in my heart when i think of the way they rely on eo and support eo now.#suwon who can also follow his heart more and return to kuuto bc he knows yona will come back oughhh...i care so much...#i have to confess i really see no difference between yona 'running away' from the gods and suwon not depending on them.#like suwon doesnt run away from them bc the gods arent...running after him and don't love him. so his refusal to use their powers is that#but for yona to not depend on them she has no choice but to run away. they keep chasing her now. and pushing her to depend on them#they hate suwon but at least suwon is free on this regard lol. for now at least. mom im scared#and when the narrative pushed and forced the dragons and yona on him he had to accept it too in the end. painfully.#it was part of the process...it's all part of the process....(head in hands)#and even when you had like dragon shinah suwon didnt avoid it and run. was that the good mature thing to do bc it was payback?#if it is i wish he was more of a selfish brat too then! i wish he had ran for it! it's not mature and selfless to me it's just...suicidal.#heartbreaking. painful. sad. tragic. makes me throw up everywhere.#so i'm glad yona is the way she is. one suwon is enough.#and no suwon is not enough at all. save me suwon#im not gonna lie having to like...break down yona's every thought word and action was tiring and not very enjoyable to me here.
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i think a big thing people get wrong w leafpool’s character is thinking her passivity comes from like fear or insecurity or being shy or something when really it comes from like. defeat. she’s been burned so many times so now she just accepts it there’s no point in fighting back
#learned helplessness#in tnp she’s very much like a rulebreaker and kind of a little shit lol#she likes going out on her own and making friends with cats from other clans and getting involved in things cuz she’s bored#she’s rebellious and craves having deep connections with others which is why being a medicine cat starts to weight on her and makes her#impulsively decide to run away with crow#esp because she’s also watching her best friend sorreltail grow up and move on. and she’s watching her sister grow up and move on#AND SHE FEELS STUCK SHES LIKE OH. BUT THIS IS IT FOR ME ISNT IT?#so she just reacts she needs to get away!! and then everything comes crashing down and she spends the rest of her life getting punished for#that choice#which slowly crushes her fire and teaches her that her desire for something ‘more’ was never going to work out#and she’s too tired to keep fighting so she accepts that#but she’s miserable about it and this misery makes her even more exhausted#so then she just kinda ends up numb#there’s no point!#SHES SO INTERESTING TO ME AAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHH it’s been so long since i’ve rambled about leafpool….. my girl……
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It's definitely more building on the events of my fic than anything that implied in canon, but I still really like the idea that Robo-Ky and Venom were living in a skeleton of an apartment while the bakery was taking off and it slowly gets filled with more furniture and personal effects as time goes on.
I think it might take a bit for it to properly sink in that the bakery someone else's home that they happen to live in. It's theirs and theirs to do what they want with it and that gets reflected in how it looks, yk (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑) ?
#I think Venom would be used to a certain way of doing things that comes from his time running the Guild#Venom saw himself as the extension of someone else and he needs to keep what *they* worked so hard to achieve afloat#it's hard to un-stick himself from that mentality considering the Everything That Happened#so I do think he'd still be Very Focused on repaying his debt to Robo-Ky to really focus on the apartment too much#but I do like the idea that he slows down a bit once Robo-Ky gets fitted to his temporary body#I feel like him having more mobility and agency would ease the tension a bit#and enough time would've passed for Venom to feel more secure that this town is his home#the bakery isn't going to go under#and his debts are well on their way to being paid#I think at that point instead of any purchase or deviation in schedule being something that Venom needs to carefully plan out and account f#with massive stakes on the line if he miscalculates#Venom has the peace of mind that he can just buy things because he *wants*#also I am not forgetting about Robo-Ky in this situation because his relationship with the idea of “home” is just as interesting!#our introduction to Robo-Ky (as in *the* Robo-Ky) comes from a drama CD where he's actively run away from home in a sense#with another unit being sent out to retrieve him#and when you look at how the PWAB was being run at the time I can see why!#the person who made him clearly hates him and he's only being brought home so he can be communicated with and be put back to work#but the PWAB bases are made to be temporary as well. they're rigged with explosives that can be detonated at a moments notice#you can't adjust to the idea of home if you're not wanted there outside of who made you wanting to make you useful#and if the building itself isn't something you could grow attached to either#I think it would be a bit of adjustment for him that Venom's both protective over his bakery and the town it resides in#and that Robo-Ky's presence is wanted there outside of what he can do *for* Venom#Robo-Ky is allowed to exist in the home and have it be known that he lives there#I love the idea of that being shown through little touches of him all over the place along with everything Venom's bought for the apartment#ANYWAY I hope you guys see the vision this might not be super well explained- I'm very tired#and I started running out of steam so I huolkkihohj#yappin'
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Louis does see Armand for all his flaws, and yet still chooses him, and loves him, but when he sees them for what they really were, and really entailed, he no longer can. Oh, gradations of evil. Louis had in ways bought into it.
#contriversial?#Like you can't deny Louis knew Armand to be a liar manipulator a disciplinarian betrayer and a threat among other things#He knows him and Claudia are at odds with each other#You might ask why then would he not turn the other way and run? And well cause Louis is tired of looking and feeling weak and Armand#where he isn't flawed offered him all this power as flimsy and dangerously able to be undermined as it may be#and he offers a place for him to have a connection he fears he would otherwise never have again in his everlasting existence#Suppose then Armand is the lesser of two evils#I feel too that since Louis views himself as deeply flawed and deeply capable of the same things that they are both#beings of evil as they are vampires and so on#to go about judging it so strongly that you deny any sort of connection you could have in another would really be to deny himself of#all he wants and needs and desires which gets at a point of him of his inner felt weaknesses of denying himself and being subjugated#away from being able to obtain such things without opposition or other forces#Armand is flawed in that he is a force but Louis sees to the potential of him being genuine in his devotions to him as#capable of quelling this entirely. To have Armand be 'his' is to finally control what has long been out of his control.#It's... more complicated than this surely but surface level Louis does choose armand and loves him but#it's always layered with an amount of false pretense and illusions of deeper trust#If you're whole vampire community is assholes who would either want to die or kill you you might as well choose the one who won't do either#at least by all impressions#and who you find very attractive physically and intellectually and who finds you attractive too and who happens to be good in bed#and into the same sex things you're into and curious about#Who you contentiously just get and who gets you back even if you would never really see eye to eye because you know a specific kind of pain#still knowing you relate to them somehow even if you can't see to their perspective#I am rambling now but this ship gets me ....#Feel similarly about why Louis would apologize to lestat - he feels put down to not own up to his part in all of it and he feels more in#control over his situation and his sense of self to simply admit this than to pretend like he was an absent player#He doesn't agree now with how he acted back then and in a way this is his way of admitting to he can move past that he is that person still#which he isn't in any sense still that person#Do I ... fully agreeeeee??? no. Do I get it? yeeah.#It's an autonomy thing really like I'm also not going to say he can't if it genuinely doesn't harm him to I guess.#Not like he's fully forgiving and forgetting here either he's just owning some shared responsibility esp. on part of Claudia
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if u like slimecicle btw he just posted a vod where he plays balatro .and now i also want to play it lol(biggest fear was just getting demoralized by not Playing Right but evidently early luck is a decently large part And strategy . )
i saw!!! i gotta watch that tomorrow
the first rule of balatro is have fun and be yourself, im so serious it's best experienced by learning what you did wrong and trying again. no guides no strats just try it out and see what happens!
#everyone playing balatro just makes me wanna make more cards jdhdjh#the only thing holding me back is the art. i do Not wanna make more art#techno's card art took me so long 😭 it was more painful than getting the card to work#the card is basically just canio but shhhhh it doesnt matter 🫶 it was fun to do regardless#i wanna make more but i keep running into the problem of ''well if they were a card what would they do''#this had nothing to do with ur ask sorry km just rambling#i was about to lay down im very tired hdkdh#asks#anons
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I'm feeling like shit but hey at least I'm tidying up!! so that's something.
#mostly I'm just sooo tired... but what else is new 🤷#my method of tidying up is so inefficient. I run around manically for 5-10 minutes and then feel so exhausted that I need to lie down for at#least that long#so it goes.. very... very.. slowly.#but! we're almost done with the storage room! which was the last thing that still needed a lot of work.#I found us a shelf yesterday that we'll pick up this weekend. it's just a 2x2 kallax which we already have two of in there. this one will go#on top of those (they'll be secured so that's not a problem)#that should be enough space to put everything away nicely#not just. boxes stacked on top of each other#personal
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#i never understood the whole 'do you want xy food?' 'no' 'why not?'#like. i just don't??#what do you expect me to say? like i just can't fathom. do they think i'll say i'm dieting or have an eating disorder? is that it?#because i don't. i just don't want food sometimes#and being asked why and why not at least 3 times isn't gonna make me want to eat#but also 'you're so quiet'#thanks#i usually barely talk anyway but now that you mention it i've been feeling like i'll burst into tears whenever i open my mouth for weeks#and i've been really struggling lately and feel so tired and like i'll lose my mind#but i have no one to go to and get any sort of support or help#so i've just been letting it brew you know. as one does#and your questions about exams and the future aren't helping but i'm being polite and keeping my mouth shut#because you wouldn't treat me very nicely if i broke down in any way#i also just learned a few hours ago that some things really do run in the family#and i once again had to not burst into tears but i've been having a hard time smiling too and i know it's being noticed#but i can't have it be pointed out#so you see. i don't want food. i don't want to talk. i want to be left alone to rot and do the only things i thought i should do#but now i wish it all went to shit right in front of me so i could go with it#oh and you also commented on something which made me realize you might just think i'm 'not healthy'#which made part of my soul die on the spot#but it's all good <3 just a little tired you know
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bro getting myself an audhd assessment for the sole reason of making the rest of my family realize that THE HAVE IT THEMSELVES is getting more and more tempting by the fkn day I SWEAR TO GOD
#like my dad keeps critizising and “making fun” of his OWN BROTHER for having very very obvious special interests and “needing routine”#and somehow fails to fkn realize that he IS THE VERY FKN SAME#my mom is currently doing health checks and sht for a lot of things that MIGHT STEM FROM THE FACT THAT SHE IS ALSO NEURODIVERGENT#“I just have trouble starting/finishing things and I'm unfocused and tired a lot” BESTIE IF YOU JUST FKN LISTEN TO ME-#LIKE BOTH ME AND MOM HAVE WORKED WITH AUDHD KIDS FOR YEARS WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THE SIMILIARITIES I BEG#like we had an entire discussion of good/bad rep of neurodivergency and how most people boil autism down to “oh so like Sheldon!”#When it's literally the worst most stereotypical awful thing I know because SHELDON IS MADE OUT TO BE A JOKE AND IS SIMPLY JUST FKN MEAN#and like they don't seem to realize why “oh I couldn't tell they had autism when I met them!” IS THE ENTIRE FKN POINT#I am so tired#I keep trying to use neurodivergent lingo in casual conversation in hopes they'll pick it up too but no luck yet#I literally couldn't help myself when talking about my uncle today and asked if he had a diagnosis on paper#since it “clearly runs in the family” and they got SO FKN QUIET#I'M SO TIRED OF PLAYING DUMB IN MY OWN HOME#BCS IF I DO SAY SHT OUT LOUD they play it off as “oh your friends have brainwashed you into thinking you are neurodivergent sweetheart :((”#I'm tired#tove rambles
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kissing picrew because I like it a lot U_U
#fnafhs#I FORGOT TO MAKE THE WHITE PEOPLE WHITE AND NOW LOON AND EAK LOOK WHITE <- what a sentence#HAISGHAOSIG curse of picrew skintoness... RED LOOKS SO VAMPIRIC LMAO#i am an eaktrap shipper but in an inherently doomed way#in a way where i hope town gets run over#germaphobe when kissing or holding hands or general touching#+ “LOVE LOSES” is so fucking funny#imagine the blood on loowyn is yellow i did nawt wanna edit it#owynn has a thing where he just insantly gut reaction bites down#his stupid thing where everyone is against him + being vulnerable like that ends up in just: chomp#i would have made chica and golden but i got tired of editing chicas hair god bless#fox with his dumbass rat is very funny to me. Boy put him away not the time#fnafhs posting
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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you know, it's really interesting. i think i've found it. i've found the mystical Work Accommodation that i need in order to Do It*. and it's "drop whatever i'm doing at a moment's notice to disappear for an arbitrary amount of time**"
#*tentatively speaking because i am still experimenting#**i am speaking hyperbolically for the sake of humor but the more i just completely drop what i'm doing to Meet a Need#which can be go lie down with ice in the dark with my eyes closed or do some braindead work with my hands no thinking allowed#the shorter the intervals i need to do these things are (though they are still very often! but that's not too bad when they're short)#been able to avoid a lot of migraines and fatigue 'episodes' this way#not perfect but i am practicing it to see how this goes over the next week#i'm still very precarious i think so this routine won't survive a big disruption#but hey! feeling pretty nice about this#the dream is 'could i theoretically train a service dog to catch whatever these things are ahead of time?' not sure!#that is both a 'can i personally do it with or without help' and 'what is even the mechanism that they'd be alerting to here'#aside from when they're sometimes migraines#migraine auras maybe? i'm not even sure about that#i don't know it's like my brain is running hot#i don't know what that means i can just imagine my brain screeching and throwing sparks#when i suddenly get so so so tired and my head gets a dull warm ache and i can't keep my eyes open and can't think#even if moments before i was fine#but if i try to push through it i just run myself into the ground
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Au where I’m not an anxious freak
#feeling a lot better now#probably because I’m in bed#I think I’m just very tired hence the low mood#I can feel mouth ulcers (yes plural) forming which is always a sure sign I’m a bit run down
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pure vanilla
#you agree .#/lighthearted but im thinking about him . again#situation where smc tricks him ……. and sets the vanilla kingdom into ruin#so they end up locking smc up somewhere in the kingdom like uhhh#how sometimes there’s just this one place down somewhere where villains go . you know that one trope#the big Glass Wall of shame#and smc is just like . come in here :) come in here it’s so fun in here :) i am going to harm you#meanwhile pv is like . 1) tired bc his fucking Kingdom is in ruins and he’s having a lot of emotions about that#2) pissed and upset and sad because .. what was that all for . just to get back at him ?#just to get back at him for offering FRIENDSHIP ?#pv voice you realize you psychologically tormented me yes . that you were lucky i didnt want to fully fight yes . yes#and 3) running himself ragged#like swaying but keeping his staff ramrod straight on the ground#and smc is just grinning#and then pv goes in bc well . unfortunately he is worried#bc why .. that can’t be the only reason he stabbed him in the back ?#and then smc goes and shows oh no it was <3 but now he is like very fond of pv for realsies#pv ends up leaving him after a tussle and smc loses his marbles and pv just . looks at him . not coldly but not very warmly#consequences of your actions .#IM normal i want to see inside his brain#lantern says stuff
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#tiny ramble. just bcs. but its kinda funny how like. the scavs plot is sorta forgotten when it comes to the ''happy'' LL ending?#like. they just got a baby. and crnkcase just got an alien boyfriend not that long ago. but thats all gone when they jump#and sure yeah. the jump is great for the LL crew. there's a reason its the ''happy'' ending#but no baby. no alien boyfriend 😔#flcrum would prob be happy about that. but grim and msfire def got attached. and crnkcase was just gaining some confidence in love. so?#idk. i just think its interesting how its kinda assumed by those that are more interested in the LL crew that the scavs would just fit in#bcs yeah. they worked well with the LL crew. but thats during quite the distracting and more important than socializing event#and bcs of that. the dynamics and real nitty gritty character interactions arent explored much#beside frt mx. love that they got buddy buddy with him ngl. wish we had more honesty. its a fun dynamic to explore#but yeah. idk. i think there could've been some idk. im tired. im running out of words. but interesting dynamics between the LLs and scavs#other than just everyone being super chummy and the scavs being just. idk. the ship class clowns or just background plot devices#like. theres a lot of interesting varied and nuanced relationships with the LL crew. so itd be a given with the scavs thrown in the mix too#let there be beef and tension and misconceptions and misunderstandings. along with the friendships and cooperation and community#ig it boils down to those who are more fans of the LL crew giving the same attention and care to the scavs equally to achieve that#not like. throwing shade or smth there. just like. idfk. scraping the bottom of the barrel for scav content makes one desperate#and some content just... isnt it. which just leads to looping back to reading scav-centered stuff again lol#sorry. star's post(hi) about krk made me think about a certain popular fic and my feelings about it and post-LL fics in general#im very aware of my own character biases. and how that affects my perception of content. but sometimes ya just wanna complain to complain😔#not saying the fics in mind are bad or anything. just that theres a plethora of LL-centered fics. and only a few scavs ones post-canon#so i tend to get nitpicky with LLcrew-centered scav stuff. but generally any of the scav-centered ones? i cherish either way lol
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