#Just thinking about how funny it is when you look at it from the broadest possible angle

[setaflow]

The dichotomy of Brennan helping with ability score rolls for newer players:

Titan Takedown: Preps high-level base stats for the cast, with everyone having a 20 in their two most relevant ability scores and no one really having a genuine dump stat (no one's character has below a 14/+2 modifier in any ability), which allows the players to play to their class strengths and not have to worry about fucking up as much in a shorter, tighter campaign.

Fantasy High: Ally Beardsley rolls a 4 for Kristen's Dex and has to live with with the consequences of that for 6+ years

[chelnciel]

About ch 25

Ladies and gentlemen, our delicious black-haired uke is here.

I can’t believe it, I’ve been waiting for this moment for years! He looks so handsome! He’s so handsome!! Every chapter that passes leaves me thinking that it was inevitable for Kagi to fall in love… He’s the whole package: handsome, kind, intelligent, dedicated and caring and even funny (in his own way).

I got a good laugh out of him dyeing his hair in the dorm bathroom, he takes zero care with his hair! I just hope that when he’s an adult, he’ll be more aware of and pay a stylist. But what I liked most about that scene is how everyday and natural it is for a teenager to dye his hair without much care with a home hair dye kit (I also used those in my student years), so how everyday life is portrayed I loved it.

Now, I LOVE Kagi’s shocked face seeing that his stunning and shiny Hirano has black hair! The shock on his face is undeniable, and Hirano's pissed off face is epic. Did he expect him to take it so easy if he's never seen him like this before? Although I think he likes him more with blonde hair (even though there are some sparkles around anyway) he's still our his handsome bad boy.

But he quickly shakes off the shock because Kagi is so hungry for Hirano!

He can't help but look at Hirano's neck and completely forget his initial stupefaction, and I think we'll have a lot more scenes like this from now on, because Kagi is reaching his limit. I think he doesn't just want to tell him (and shout from the rooftops) that he loves his roommate, but he wants to express it in the broadest sense of the word.

Kagi knowing what Hirano smells like... We had already seen that he likes the smell of his bed, but he shamelessly tells him that he doesn't have the same smell as usual, that boy is so in love! And the worst thing is that Hirano doesn't even move an eyebrow at his comments.

Because Hirano really doesn't get it.

And that hurts me (and Kagi as well)

Because Kagi is more and more in love, more and more immersed in that seemingly unrequited love, and every touch he gives to our favorite blond only drives him more desperate, since he simply can't touch him the way he wants because Hirano doesn't know what he himself wants.

And maybe Hirano can't respond to Kagi, not because he doesn't want to, but because he really can't, and that would be okay, since he must first understand what romance is for him, and also learn about his own sexuality in order to reciprocate Kagi's love. So there's a long way to go since he's just now seeing that "normal" isn't obvious to him.

Normal.

The fact that in this chapter we begin to think about what is normal makes me think that this story is definitely far from the naive story of ssmy (which dealt with it superficially). Among the negative approach that others characters have towards homosexuality (Hanzawa being the main detractor here) that is much more evident in HRKG and this somewhat aroace facet of Hirano, I think it is possible that we see a more complex development since there are two very important factors that make the consolidation of the relationship more difficult. Special mention that Hirano was looking for the definition of normal, and not that of romance or another that could guide him, without taking into account that he is with a kind of study computer (or something like that, it is too small to even be a netbook*) and he doesn't even Google it! That's why the answers are so brief and linked to the academic. Poor boy, there is a long way to go.

I had already thought about this, but I think he urgently needs to take one of those magazine tests where you mark the alternatives and have a result as “you are in love”! **. Well, I think Hirano urgently needs a guide or someone to consult with. And maybe now that he knows that Sasaki is not exactly in the same situation as him, and that he does want to kiss his crush, he can go ask him and clear up his, now, black-haired head.

And while again we don't see his reaction to Kagi almost kissing him (that panel is tattooed in my eyes), now I firmly believe that he didn't really realize that he was going to be kissed. Because if he's just now thinking about it, and only when he heard his classmates talking about it did he think about kissing Kagi, we have two important points:

1- Hirano hasn't really thought about romance or what a romantic relationship means to him.

2- If he hasn't thought about or understands that kind of interaction, then he must not have realized that he was almost kissed.

It's just that if Kagi doesn't tell him, he doesn't realize it. Just like when he touched his hair, if he doesn't tell him to his face, he doesn't understand the intentions and now it leaves me thinking: does he really understand what it means to do this lovers experiment?

Because only when talking to his classmates has he thought that he's going to have to flirt, that he's going to kiss, and then at some point he'll have to think about what else a love relationship entails (and God knows what else is Kagi waiting for to happen between them).

But he never made the connection of why Ogasawara was looking under his girlfriend's pillow even when his other classmates pointed out (indirectly) why he might have been under her sheets. So he's never really thought about the subject? So, it's not just that he has to figure out his feelings for his friend anymore, he also has to discover his own sexuality, and I think this is super complex since suddenly, he finds himself in the middle of a confession, an experiment he doesn't understand and a sexual awakening he never came close to in all his years. At most he saw the magazines and CDs passed around the classroom and the disciplinary committee, but then he never cared to look at them. He really is learning from scratch, and in a very short time.

A chapter that was very short for me and that I think sets the stage for Hirano's arc of self-knowledge, both about himself and about what he feels for Kagi, but not necessarily leading to an immediate confession (I just hope it's in Kagi's favor, and not leading to a no for an answer).

And I don't want sensei to give us a hasty confession because there is so much to tell that I would find it a waste if in two chapters Hirano understood everything and confessed (there is still room for more delicious angst).

But this ch left me with a bittersweet taste… I really thought there was progress (in romance), but I feel like it's a confirmation that Hirano doesn't really understand anything. Still, it makes me sad because it is difficult not to understand what is “normal”, to have those questions and not knowing how to deal with them, but this chapter gave me the feeling that there is still a long long way to go before we can see them together. This is something that I already feared after seeing some of the extras in ssmy and other illustrations, that they are not going to be together that fast, although I still have hope that they will be able to be a couple before Hirano leaves the dorm.

Just one more idea: Hirano thinking about kissing Kagi in his bed, this is straight out of a fanfic! (And we already know how it would end).

[melanieph321]

Dominik Szoboszlai x Reader - The Double Date Part 1/2

Part 2

Reader unwillingly joins her best friend on a double date with Andy Robertson and Dominik Szoboszlai.

Enjoy!

"Hurry Y/N, we're gonna be late!"

"Yeah, late for a double date at an arcade. How will I recover?"

"Ha ha, very funny. Just pipe down on the sarcasm when we meet up with the guys. Believe it or not, but I really like this one."

"Anything for my bestie."

You were surprised. Crashing a date was not included in your plans this friday evening. But apparently, your best friend, Lexi, met some guy at a football game a couple of weeks ago, and the two of them have been texting ever since. However, when it came around for them to meet, Lexi kept putting off the date for no reason. Your offer to chaperone was the only thing standing in her way of chickening out again.

"So....what do you want me to do exactly, linger in the background the entire date?"

"No, that would be creepy. It's a double date Y/N, ergo two guys and two girls."

"But I have a boyfriend."

Lexi laughed. "Please, Y/N. If you call your situationship with Mike a healthy relationship, I don't wanna know what you think I toxic one is."

"Hey, Mike is not toxic. He's a great guy, soon to be a doctor, actually. It's the only reason he's been so cold to me lately. He's stressed about school."

Lexi slowed down the strides of her heels, matching your pace. She did so, grabbing your hand. "I know Mike's a good guy, Y/N. But you two together....I don't know."

"What?"

"I mean, is he really your type? You're the total opposite. He's so sophisticated and fancy, and you are....well, you are....."

"Yes?"

"You're cool, Y/N." She blurred out. "You're cool and fun to be around. Mike, on the other hand, is so uptight. And he said my shoes were cheap."

You rolled your eyes. "I see you're still on about that."

"Cheap Y/N. He called my Saint Laurent that I spend two months' salary on, cheap. CHEAP! Just because I bought a pair from last season."

"Okay, okay. I admit that sometimes he can be a bit blunt and snobby. But he is definitely my type."

"You mean rich?"

"Yes, rich. I like 'em rich."

The two of you laughed all the way to the arcade. You arrived about ten minutes late and had to search for the guys who were already inside. You prayed that your date was at least cute.

"There they are!" Lexi pointed to the punshing bag machine surrounded by two guys, one of them getting ready to take a swing.

"Andy!" Lexi waved.

The guy standing by, holding a drink, turned around and met the two of you with the broadest smile. "Lexi, you made it!"

"No way." You chuckled.

"Be nice." She muttered.

The guy approached you and went straight in for a hug, even you got a hug.

"You ladies look gorgeous. Let me buy you drink."

"That's so sweet Andy, thank you."

You struggled to hold it in. Lexi gave you a stern look to hold it until her date had made it to the bar. She then gave you thirty seconds to burst out in laughter, gagging like you've never gagged before.

"Yes, yes, very funny. Are you done now?"

"Andy Robertson." You laughed, holding your stomach. "How on earth did you bag Andy, Robo, Robertson?"

It wasn't much dating a Liverpool player that tickled your soul. Lexi was gorgeous and well connected through her father's financial successes. A lot of famous men have been interested in dating her, including several professional athletes. But to throw Andy, Robo, Robertson, a bone  out of all those men, was simply outrageous to you. And quite hysterical.

"Will you stop it." She whispered.

"But...."

"And no mentioning of our nickname for him."

"Why?"

"Erm....because it's racist?"

"Lexi." You stopped and stared at her. "Calling someone, Groundkeeper Robo Robertson, is not racist."

"If you're Scottish it is."

"It's just a character from The Simpsons. Who doesn't like The Simpsons?"

Just then, Andy was seen returning from the bar. "I see you two ladies haven't met my friend yet. Come, let me introduce ya!"

You were quick to wipe your tears while Lexi's date took you to your table. It was right next to the punshing bag machine where a man stood clenching his sore knuckles.

"Dom, meet the girls. Girls meet my friend Dominik."

Again, no way, you thought. It was Dominik Szoboszlai, as cute as ever, dressed for a casual night out with....well, you.

"Hi." He smiled and shook your hands.

"This is the girl I was talking about." Andy said, and proudly but respectfully draped an arm around Lexi's shoulder. "This is her friend..."

"Y/N." You smiled.

Dominik looked you up and down, a flash of something curious in his eyes. But then, just like that, it disappeared.

"How about some games?" Andy suggested. "Since we're all here now."

"Yay!" Lexi cheered but ended up sucking at every game you played. You weren't doing very well yourself, but that was only because your opponent, Dominik, played against you as if his life dependended on it.

"Fuck, my nail!" You winced as his shot during Air Hockey ended up breaking the tip.

"Sorry." He shrugged. His attitude was quite shitty throughout the whole night.

"I'm going to the bathroom." You said, grabbing your purse.

"I'll come with you." Lexi offered, perhaps aware of your newfound mood.

"So...how are thinks going with Dominik, he's cute right?"

"He's a dickhead." You turned to the bathroom mirror, applying more gloss to your lips.

"Is he?"

"Yes. I wanna leave."

"But Y/N, you promised..."

"Honestly, Lexi, I don't see why I had to come along in the first place. Robo— I mean Andy... seems like a genuinely nice guy. I'm still curious about how you met him at the Liverpool game with your dad. Wasn't he on the pitch, playing?"

"It was after the game." She sighed. "And yes, he is really nice. The only problem, I guess, is all the songs we've made up about him."

"Right, the songs."

You had made-up songs about most players in Liverpool. As fans, you and Lexi loved doing it. It was sort of your thing. People on TilTik loved you for it.

"Yeah. Andy and I had a laugh about it, but now I just feel sort of guilty for the one we made about him and Groundkeeper Wille."

"Well, if he thinks it's funny I don't really see the problem."

"I guess you're right."

"I am. Now, get back to your date while I find a way out through the back."

"You're not ditching me, are you?"

"Of course I am. I just told you that Dominik Szoboszlai is a dickhead." Which was a shame since he was undoubtedly attractive.

"Please stay." Lexi pleaded. "I'll pay you."

You laughed. "Fine, but I'm not playing anymore games."

"Deal!"

The two of you walked out of the ladies' bathroom and back to your table. The guys were still there. However, the two of them looked ready to leave.

"Heya..., do you ladies, maybe fancy going elsewhere?" Andy said in his lovely Scottish accent.

"Why, are you bored of us?" Lexi said, angst in her voice.

Andy chuckled. "I was thinking the opposite. The two of you look so beautiful tonight. It's too beautiful for a place like this."

"Oh, Andy." Lexi hooked her arm with his. "We don't mind playing more games. Right Y/N?"

"Right....." You glanced over to Dominik, who stood with his eyes glued to his phone. He was texting someone. Probably a girl that he found more entertaining than you.

"It's no worries, really. Andy said. "Dominik actually knows the owner of the best rooftop bar in Liverpool."

"Gallaways?" You perked up.

"Yeah, how did you know?" Dominik frowned, his eyes on you and not his phone.

You shrugged cooly. "I've heard about it. My boyfriend says it's okay."

"Boyfriend?"

He seemed surprised.

"Yes, boyfriend. Maybe I should give him a call and see if he can help us get—"

"We're in." Dominik said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "My friend has a table waiting for us."

"How fun." Lexi squealed. "Doesn't that sound fun Y/N?"

"Yes, delightful."

Dominik was watching you in the same way you watched him, quite spitful. It was lucky you were going to another bar. If you were going to make it through this double date, you were going to need something stronger to drink than beer. Much stronger.

Part 2

[dramaticurge]

i think arcane isn't copaganda, i think it says ACAB too.

i think the show itself has many layers, and that the acting, writing, and storytelling do a lot to tell different angles of different stories.

i think arcane acknowledges police brutality and the struggles of systemic oppression. i think it says ACAB, but it asks you to seperate from a moment, and asks you to look at it through the lens of understanding. not for forgiveness, but so you can maybe try and see why people do bad things, even if they're bad, and even if they're good. the show asks you to set aside your biases, to look at this world for what it is. parallels and all.

and i understand that caitlyn's role and ending make it swem glorifying cops in a way. even when it's something she actively disagreed against, even when in the first season she was trying for a middle ground and was the only one trying for a middle ground.

and not to be too woke, but the triple K caitlyn jokes were never that funny to me. nor were the ideas that she was racist. arcane is a beautiful show that does not burden it's characters with racism and oppression in that way- and you should definitely not erase caitlyn's asian ethnicity. between her and jinx, jinx is the white woman. its so irresponsible to read into the racial aspect of this side of the arcane storyline, the story is making it clear that is not something these characters face, and they shouldn't have to face to justify things like oppressive militia. caitlyn isn't fully white. do not dilute her.

kind of related to that thought, too, is the fact that no one living in america is a zaunite. most americans will remain as pilties, because systemic oppression will sometimes really just be how you were born.

back to it, i also just think arcane shows police brutality for what it is. that type of oppression. it invites you to dislike caitlyn's actions, because caitlyn dislikes her actions, and all this type of oppression leads to is to pointless, senseless, and violent war. a war they should've lost. a war they would've lost.

the scene where steb takes off his hat in respect to zaunites is him respecting that they decide to help, when if it were the other way, it would be unlikely. piltover would never help zaun, and he knows that, and everyone knows that. no one wins in war. no one wins via violence. the show knows this, and when it shows the side characters who we know had so much more life left ahead of them is when it acknowledges that systemic brutality has led to deaths of innocent people. that in a search for power, or for revenge, that they will eat themselves alive by their hubris. an eye for an eye, in caitlyn's case, who tipped the scales too far.

and the show asks you to look at this and the show makes caitlyn face this. the show does not agree with caitlyn once. but the show asks you to never defend her actions, but to look at her and understand why.

i think it asks you to look at the system, but to understand the characters. the people. because we often, in many stages of analysis, forget about people. in the broadest sense, these people are wrong, but it makes you deconstruct the complicated nature of why, and asks you not to dilute them in fear that you'd smudge the intricacies that make them up.

ACAB, even if they're sorry about it, and even if they've got a family. ACAB is systemic.

but good stories include layers, and ACAB is not without possibilties for something different. not critique, but in the same vein. ACAB is true, but it does not mean by exploring the complicated nature of why's, how's, etc that they are copaganda.

putting aside those ideas for the sake of looking at why their flaws can encompass them, and for the sake of understanding the type of world this is is important to. maybe for the sake of love, people do these kinds of things, and there isn't making up mistakes. just living with them.

|||

ofc this is just my opinion and something that's been bugging me for a bit... i genuinely dont hate anyone in arcane. i hate that in terms of discrouse, we've diluted these characters down to our preconceived biases. i hate that we seem to be arguing over morality.

maybe its just obvious though that i spend a lot of time on arcane twt. curious about people's thoughts... if anyone even sees this...

[werecreature-addicted]

Would the sparkling vampires have been reacted to differently if written by a better author? Possibly

I feel like the main reason (imo) for why the sparkling is hated on so much though is that the reveal of it just feels so ridiculous. Like edward claiming he’s a monster or whatever and then proceeds to reveal his shimmery 6 pack is….unconvincing at best

og tags on this post for anyone who hasn't seen it

Excellent question anon. If you think about it there are a lot of silly things we associate with vampires.

Exhibit A: the classic widow's peak black hair and dramatic cape

look at it with fresh eyes and imagine seeing this for the first time, goofy. silly even. but this style of vampire was iconized by Bella Ligosi's performance as Dracula in Dracula 1931 which is of course very good and a staple in vampire cannon as well as just culture in general. It's good and it's old which lends it an air of authority. whereas Twilight is new(ish) and bad so it's artistic changes and creative choices are fighting an uphill battle already, add in the fact that Vampires Sparkling is a little ridiculous and you can see why so many people dismiss Twilight's vampires outright.

This post is so long continued under the cut

Now I am a Twilight fan and I think Twilight is very bad in a lot of ways, the two ideas are not mutually exclusive. Twilight however is a fascinating case study in cultural knowledge and mythos. Stephanie Meyer informally did very little research about Vampire Cannon, if you can call it that, before writing Twilight (link to an interview where she mentions it) so instead of being carefully constructed world-building based on hard rules and strict internal logic, the vampires are kind of loosely defined shadows based on the broadest understanding of what a vampire is. They're dead, they drink blood, they don't go out in sunlight. Some other popular vampire staples go addressed but dismissed as myth (garlic and having no reflection) but then things like The vampires in Twilight don't have fangs and have weird additional supper powers sometimes go just completely taken for granted and not really expanded upon in a satisfying way.

This style of world-building and magic system has a tendency to chafe against readers who have a more in-depth context for vampires and Meyre's more simplistic writing style makes the text come off as juvenile and perhaps a little dumb.

All this to say the sparkling vampires are not handled super well. It is a very large jump from what most readers would expect to see from a vampire story and it is handled inconsistently at best in the text itself. Meyer describes the vampires in the sun both as A beautiful glittering like that of a diamond, and a reflection of light so intense that it looks like the vampire is being burned alive in the sun.

these two conflicting descriptions coupled with the again simplistic and juvenile writing style makes it seem more like a mistake you should roll your eyes at rather than an intentional complexity to read into. I'd argue that Bella sees this inhumanity as beautiful and alluring while Edward sees it as a curse and a reminder of his monstrous nature and therefore disgusting. That being said I don't fault anyone for not wanting to read that deeply into the vampire glittering and instead see it as the author trying to have her cake and eat it too, something Meyers does frequently throughout even just the first Twilight novel.

Not even to mention the movies.

Exhibit B: this is the skin of a killer Bella.

This is prima facie hilarious and stupid. the juxtaposition of the soft glittering effect and the chiming sound in this scene coupled with the seemingly unwarranted disgust is so fucking funny. which is not the tone this scene is going for. it's supposed to be tense, it comes off as corny instead.

Then there is the hate mob that dominated Twilight discourse when it first came out. I will not get into how much of that hate was warranted, what I'm interested in is how much of a cultural impact it had. There was, at least in the beginning, a large group of people who hated Twilight and would hate anything that came from it simply because it came from Twilight. These people grabbed onto the sparkly vampire thing and made it what it is today, these people were never going to be won over by any artistic liberty no matter what.

So to answer your question, I think that if a writer with a more in-depth understanding of vampires and a clearer vision of the magic system wrote Twilight with a more mature tone and more time given to expanding on just the vampire's powers and limitations, and the movies followed these hypothetical books more closely AND if there was never an anti-Twilight coultral movement. then yeah maybe Vampires sparkling wouldn't be seen as the dumbest shit ever.

thank you for coming to my Twilight Ted talk.

[minz-za-moo]

Ace Attorney Hotness (1/?)

(Spoilers for all mainline Ace Attorney games!)

I was looking through Ace Attorney content on youtube, as one does, when I came across a video titled “I Ranked Apollo Justice Characters on How Hot They Are (plus investigations)”, by Superduperbro. It immediately caught my interest, and I started to watch it. It was only a few minutes in, however, that I had realized what a mistake this was. Olga Orly, Plum Kitaki...this person had all the wrong opinions on who is and isn’t hot! So, I’ve decided to (w)right this tremendous wrong, and rank all the Ace Attorney characters based on who is and isn’t hot. 

A quick couple of side notes; Of course, I’m joking when I say the creator’s opinions are ‘wrong’, you can think whoever and whatever is hot! It’s simply for the sillies, no hate to them <3 Also, I’m demisexual+demiromantic. Not entirely relevant, but I thought it was a funny detail. My definition of ‘hot’ could be entirely different than the norm and I’d have no clue.

Final side note; Since I haven’t finished Investigations 1 or 2, I won’t be ranking any characters from there, nor will I be doing TGAA :(( 

There are 7 main categories, from S Tier to F tier, with S Tier being the best (or in this case, hottest), and F tier being the worst, having C tier as a middle ground. In addition to those seven, I added two more categories; The first one is titled “that is a child”, and it’s exactly what you think. We will not be ranking any children based on how hot they are, and if you do, you will be put in my second custom category; “hell”! It’s also exactly what you think, being reserved for all the creeps in Ace Attorney >:( 

We’ll be going in order of appearance, from the first game allllllll the way to the sixth! We’ll also only be ranking official redesigns; DLC clothing wouldn’t count in this case. But who knows, maybe I’ll make a followup judging everyone’s DLC outfits? Now, speaking of characters with multiple designs, here we have our first character...

Phoenix Wright!

The man, the myth, the legend, the unkillable protagonist! The way I want this to work is that we’ll rank the appearance each character has when we first meet them, and then move in chronological order. Using Phoenix as an example, first we’ll talk about his normal Trilogy suit, then move on to his Feenie outfit, then his disbarment, etc, etc.

And, in my (correct) opinion, it is a fact that Phoenix Wright is incredibly attractive. Another opinion I have is that if you disagree, you are just inherently wrong. Sure he’s got both the broadest shoulders and the weirdest hair (that’s somehow natural?) known to man, but he rocks it. He’s the only one who can rock a look like that and still be attractive. Though...compared to his other designs, his debut one is...not as good. His suit is VERY loud, and he would not know what a tailor was if it hit him in the back of the head with a fire extinguisher. Also, considering who his mentor is, it’s a crime how little of his chest he’s showing. So, for Phoenix Wright’s Trilogy outfit, I’m going to have to put him in B tier.

Since we’re moving along timeline-wise, the next outfit we’re ranking is his Feenie outfit! First off, what are the shoes?? I never noticed this before, but he’s got blue shoes with light blue stripey designs on them, and it’s not vibing with the rest of his outfit. Maybe those were the only shoes he had? Other than that, the outfit is...something. The colors are giving ‘dollar store paint kit that only has bright primary colors which turn to brown when you mix them’, honestly. And, what does the P stand for, if not for Phoenix, like Mia suggested? Do we even want to find out? I have a bad feeling about this... I’m sorry Feenie, but you’re going to have to go in D tier.

Don’t worry though, because he can and does get hotter...during disbarment! In a twist of fate, perhaps the only good thing to happen to Phoenix during the 7 year gap (besides adopting Trucy) was that his looks got an UPGRADE. And I can’t possibly be the only one who thinks so. The jacket? The stupid half-smug half-chill expression? The hat? The locket? Come on. One downside; he’s not wearing socks. If you hadn’t noticed before...sorry. Normally I’m against socks with sandals, but I think they’d do him some good. Beanix is an S Tier, I love him very much (I even cosplayed as him for halloween!)

And man, even after he gets his badge back, Phoenix Wright stays hot! I adore his new outfit, he looks amazing. He keeps Trucy’s locket on him always, adorable. He’s got that one strand of hair that hangs down, it’s wonderful. Does so much for him. And he finally learned what a tailor is, presumably from his husband! Good for him! The light blue waistcoat is everything; I’ve seen mixed reactions on it, and me personally, I think it looks stunning. Phoenix Wright’s updated court outfit is an A tier! And now, we’re moving on, to...

Mia Fey!

Mia Fey is my everything; S tier right off the bat. If you think she’s anything less, there’s an issue with your brain. I’m incredibly concerned for you, and adamantly suggest you go see a doctor, as your head needs to be checked out. Everything about her is stunning, and I LOVE her accessories. The black and white color pallet mixed with the beige scarf, and her purple magatama? The two splashes of color? I didn’t think beige could ever slay as hard as it does. And her shoes? Don’t even. Don’t even get me started on her shoes, her shoes are the best thing to grace this planet. They aren’t a want, they’re a need. They’re a basic necessity. S tier, all day, every day, without a shred of hesitation.

Now, her debut/flashback outfit! First off, S tier again, I love her. She’s still got the same style of shoes, kept the purple magatama and beige scarf, stunning. I just realized this recently, but younger Mia looks like Maya? Like, her bangs are the same type of cut, except she only has them to one side, and when I realized this it broke me. On a side note...her outfit...I love it, but it’s incredibly confusing to me. What is it? A dress? A suit? A suit jacket that was too big, that she then tailored to be a dress because Fuck The Rules? What’s with the strange Not Belt around her waist? I would say only God knows, but I’m not entirely convinced he does, either.

I did think about ranking her channeling appearances, but it isn’t really a new outfit, it’s just her in various other characters’ outfits. Not to mention that both of them are children. So, it’s time to move on to...

Larry Butz!

If you thought Phoenix’s hair was odd...you haven’t seen anything. There is more to come, and the Butz is an element of foreshadowing. Though, I don’t hate it? I think it’s fun! Like Phoenix though, he’s the *only* one who could ever pull it off. And surprisingly enough, I actually...really like his design? He’s giving delinquent vibes, both with his hair and his overall outfit. Especially the bright orange, jail type jacket. And I LOVE his shirt, it seems like a hand-me-down I’d get from my older siblings that I’d absolutely cherish, and I unironically would love to have it in real life. Now, his shoes are...a choice. Do they match with his outfit? Yes, actually. Is it incredibly odd and unsettling that he managed to find shoes that had the exact colors of his outfit? Yes. I would say that the pants are too short for his outfit, but honestly, I feel like they’re very him, so it works. 

Putting actual personality aside for all of these characters, Larry Butz is a B. I like his design, I'll say it now! The boys’ got style, to make up for his abhorrent luck! Now, we can move on to...

...wait. I have to do all of his other outfits, too?

...Shit. Well, guess I’ll get started, then.

His next outfit is the KB Security one, if memory serves me right. I feel like there isn’t much I can say about it, considering it’s not an outfit that’s character specific; I vaguely recall Wendy Oldbag wearing the same uniform, but I could be wrong. Guess we’ll see when I have to rank her outfits down the line. I do think light blue looks good on him, it vibes with his hair. Now I’m wondering what he’d look like in Phoenix’s Post-Disbarment outfit... he obviously couldn’t pull it off like Phoenix could. But I’d give him a pass for trying anyway. His KB Security outfit is a C, it’s not bad, but then again...it isn’t giving much at all, either.

Now, his painter’s outfit! ...Hm. He’s channeling Feenie energy. Get it, like how there are spirit mediums who can channel in this game...forget it. His...palette (is that what you call it? I’m not a painter) has no paint? Maybe he has paint on it in the game, but the sprite I’m looking at has none. Maybe he’s being considerate, carrying around an empty palette so as to not accidentally spill paint, but that begs the question...if there’s no paint, why carry it at all? The ribbons are odd, the color of the monkey(?) and the paint pallet are too similar, especially since they’re right beside each other, and overall this is...odd. Larry, I’m sorry, your painter’s outfit is going in D tier.

Now, his...what is this. What is this, is this his outfit? The outfit he thinks won Ellen Wyatt over? What happened to the boy with style from the first game, where did he go? Who is this imposter he’s been replaced with? Honestly, considering how the butchered and massacred his personality from what it was/should’ve been in the first game, he very well may be an imposter...but that’s a tangent for another post. And honestly? The outfit was setting up to be pretty good! The pants, the shoes, the silly beret...and then he put on a jacket. Did he design it himself? He’s proven that he’s a good artist, but apparently realism is all he can do well. ‘Graphic design is my passion’. That’s all I have to say. E Tier. We’re moving to the next character.

Cindy Stone!

Not much to say about her, honestly. How can I, she’s shown for a total of maybe ten seconds. But I said I’m ranking every character, and I stick to my word, damn it. Based on her mugshot and Sawhit's flashback scenes, her outfit doesn’t appear to be that bad. Off-white (or perhaps a very light blue) capri pants, flats, and...some kind of weird top. Is it a white tube top with a blue, business-like suit jacket? Oh, that’s not right, her mugshot shows some kind of white straps. A white tank top, then? Incredibly confusing. Her hair is...it certainly is hair. And she certainly has it. The outfit alone would have been a C tier, but the hair drags it down to a D.

Frank Sahwit!

...Eh. His outfit really isn’t doing or giving us anything; it looks like a recolor of Phoenix’s Trilogy suit, to be honest. Even down to the sleek, black shoes. He’s got brown buttons on his sleeves and jacket, and they help slightly. Only slightly, though. His hair is...fine? Not fine as in attractive, just fine as in. It’s there. It’s half-decent, I suppose. And he throws it at Phoenix, that was funny. I really can’t think of anything else to say about him. He’s a D tier. It would be C, as that’s the perfect middle, but he’s giving us so little it feels wrong to put him any higher.

The Judge!

I’m...slightly regretting the decision to use exclamation marks for every character...but I’m going with it, apparently. The judge is WIDE. He’s a BRICK. And I’m not trying to be rude either, look at his full body image and you’ll see what I mean. He’s dressed in all black, and what is that shirt?? His Honor has no style. And the lack of a spine, but that’s unrelated. His beard is lucious, I’ll give him that. His gavel is iconic, but that’s about it. He could have benefitted from some funky, cool shoes. Maybe some slightly form sitting clothing. Actually, he could really just benefit from a trip to a clothing store. Maybe Old Navy. Or maybe it would be worse, I’ve never been to an Old Navy. I mean no disrespect to His Honor, but my verdict declares he be sentenced to a life residing in E tier.

Winston Payne!

...The exclamation-mark centered regret has increased tenfold. But I stay resilient. Now, Winston’s first debut outfit doesn’t actually have a full body sprite, so perhaps I’m underestimating the rest of his outfit when I say, again, there’s nothing going on. Grey suit, red tie, square glasses, hair. Or, for the last one, a lack thereof. I think he could benefit from a change of tie color especially, as I feel the grey suit fits him. Maybe a darker grey, or perhaps navy? Red ties feel like the standard, and if Winston wants to win points with me, he’s going to have to break the mold. Unfortunately for him, he isn’t doing that. Winston’s first outfit is a D tier for me.

Unfortunately for us, we’re not through with him yet. Winston has two more designs, so let’s get started with them. I will say, I like his young outfit! Again, the red tie? Really? Other than that, and intentionally ignoring his hair for now, I think it fits what he used to be; cocky and arrogant, the ‘Rookie Killer’, as it were. Again with the same black shoes, do men really not have any other options? You’d have thought that brand would’ve sold out by now. Now, we must address the hair. It is bad. Some outlandish hair works, like Phoenix and Larry’s. His does not. It suits his character though, I’ll give him that, at least...and if that isn’t a backhanded compliment, I don’t know what is. Winston Payne's younger design is an E; a payne to look at.

Oh, but don’t worry, it gets worse! We’ve been slowly declining, and we’ll end the Payne segment with our first F tier! Hooray! Somehow, the red tie phenomenon has gotten worse; it’s now a muted reddish-brown. How did he even manage that? His suit, is a color that, can only be described best using a quote from the video “Two Asexuals Play Smash or Pass 2 | APOLLO JUSTICE BOOGALOO” by KittenWhiskers 227; piss-puke. I’m sorry, but it’s true. There is no one to be blamed but him. The one good thing is that he’s changed his shoes from one brand to another; they’re brown now. Good job, you’ve done the bare minimum. 

And...that’s it for the first part! The plan from here on out is to do 1-2 cases per post, I think. This is already six pages long, and I have no idea if Tumblr has a word count limit on posts. The bright side? There’s seven characters, which is my favorite number! And the next case will have seven as well! As well as the ranking of two very important people...

A final parting note; please go check out both videos I mentioned, as well as the channels that published them. I can’t recommend The ‘Two Asexuals Play Smash Or Pass With Ace Attorney Characters’ trilogy enough; they’re hilarious! 

End Links: https://youtu.be/lN4F72Yp_6M?si=RZSNL-Yf-SGHWYoc (Link to Superduperbro’s video)

https://youtu.be/MmOhjF1tXX0?si=eIMKCQ760q9JOMuO (Link to the unreferenced trilogy video that came before the one I watched)

https://youtu.be/CwmuIhpRYNY?si=ujjCWPoE0kYWZUR5 (Link to Asexuals Play Smash or Pass; Apollo Justice)

https://youtu.be/yK_i_g4DScU?si=kdMcEEzuaiczey2x (Link to the unreferenced trilogy video; the beginning of the Asexuals Play Smash or Pass series)

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Inside Job

I guess it’s hard to recommend Inside Job. I mean not in the broadest way, where I can just say ‘it’s a funny adult comedy that doesn’t seem to venerate being a selfish asshole, and it looks like a lot of them these days, with the same general level of competence.’ It’s you know, the way that Rick and Morty pissed on its aesthetic to mark its territory and now any animation that puts in too much effort or has lines that are too clean winds up being seen as ‘like that.’

I don’t know if Inside Job is like that, because I haven’t seen Rick and Morty past the opening of the first episode. Didn’t jam with it, and instead watched other stuff I found more engaging instead. Like Inside Job!

No, what makes it hard to recommend is, and, like, reader – can I call you reader? – sure, okay, reader, the thing is, this is a shortish TV series that draws on modern mythologies of the conspiracy theory griftscape in which I grew up. It uses the ongoing behaviour of an overachieving conspiracy theorist father who doesn’t respect his kid as a plot point. One character idolises toys and franchises from the 80s because it lets him pretend he has an idealised family life that was fun. Oh, and the main character, Reagan, feels like an export of one of my friend’s OCs so closely that she uses Reagan gifs for reactions.

The series doesn’t feature a long form sequence of a character beating a priest to death or a thesis about how game play lets us choose our identities, but like, it’s otherwise hits pretty close to me individually.

Okay, like, it’s a great show! And when I say that it’s just as a sort of puzzle-box version of ‘I liked the experience of watching this show’ so you don’t feel you need to untether that and pick through all the possible permutations of what that might mean by me liking the show so instead we stamp on these labels like ‘good’ or ‘great,’ since I mean, I do think I can give you that ballpark of a generality of how good media is, how, you know, you can’t just necessarily think that media is ‘good’ in and of itself, but when I say ‘it’s good’ you know pretty much what I mean by that, within some bumpers. It’s not going to drop a random slur or something into the conversation, right, and of course, as a conspiracy theory based piece of media there’s going to be a heaping help of Let’s Be Very Clear This Isn’t About The Jews in all the jokes and the structures around those jokes.

It brings in Jeff Bezos for a cameo, then makes him look like a big dumb shithead, which sure, that’s some ‘acceptable billionaire targets’ and it doesn’t matter really, like it’s not praxis or anything but it is nice to watch a mainstream show that goes ‘you know, yeah, billionaires suck and we don’t need to invent one as an example.’ That’s in an episode that makes fun of how much Flat Earthers suck, and I think it’s a bit of a missed opportunity that it doesn’t make a point of how religious Flat Earthers tend to be,

Wait, you didn’t know that?

Oh yeah, like even the most science-brained of flat earthers typically, even for a diffuse group like them, you scratch the surface and you find frustrated catholics and antisemetic fundamentalist christians (but I repeat myself) just waiting underneath, all mad that a literal interpretation of certain phrases in the Bible doesn’t actually coincide with reality (because hey, that happens).

Uh anyway where was I,

Oh yeah like, there’s stuff about James Bond? And how that whole story, like, the whole point of James Bond as the movies depict him, is counter-conspiracy against conspiracy? Right? Like doom lasers and secret bases and all that stuff, that’s conspiracy theory guff, and James Bond is a government counter-conspiracy operative. He can do all sorts of goofy stuff, go where he wants, all his toys and tools? Same thing, conspiracy theory ‘hey, we have this tech we just can’t let the public have it yet.

And then, since he’s part of that space, Inside Job has episodes about what an absolute ass James Bond would be to interact with! It’s pretty funny, especially in the ways it draws parallels between rivalries and relationships and how, y’know, when you – when you – I mean, if you draw them down to their base parts, a lot of how we talk about and engage with relationships, romantic ones, tends to be built out of a language that’s used for conflict and harm. Pretty fucked up when you think about it, but like, not made as a hard point. It’s pretty cool, I liked that episode a lot too.

It was almost as good as how the episode about the 1980s seems really different to those people who grew up promised what they offered and never got it versus all the people who were excluded even from that promise. I mean I didn’t get all of it, because I was too young in the eighties and mostly spent my nineties in a cult that meant I uh, didn’t learn much about 80s culture, but still! It even has a great outburst, too!

Uh what else

What else…

Oh, Alex Hirsch is in it and he’s really funny for his few short scenes.

Like, I don’t know, I feel like all you really need to know about Inside Job is either that it exists, because Netflix haven’t done a good job of making sure anyone knows about it, or you already knew it existed but were afraid it was Just Another One Of Those Shows, and I’ll admit it, it is a show where a woman shouts SUCK MY DICK! at her coworkers before going to contemplate how much easier her work would be if she could just control all of their neurons. It’s not like it’s not wearing its Millenial Edgy But Not That Edgy interests on its sleeve or nothing. But you saw a pitch like conspiracy theory based adult cartoon comedy focusing on an autistic girl who rules and you probably started looking for a torrent before reading the rest of the article, or you were never going to.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[nicka-nell]

≡ Masterlist |  ∇  prev  | chapter 51 |  next  ∆

Pairing: Osamu x reader (main route), Atsumu x reader

Genre: Social Media-AU, text

Warning: mdni, mention of alcohol, angst

Last minute: 2021/08/04 - Wednesday

It’s still early in the morning when you go to the store hoping that Osamu has already left with Watanabe, but the lights are on in there and that eye-catching fur coat is still hanging on the wardrobe. Watanabe’s beloved fur coat made of real fur. How proud she always presents it when you can only shake your head in disgust. How many poor animals had to die for being able to run around in this outfit. Wearing would probably be the wrong word for it, she always only carries it with her, because it is currently just too warm for such a coat. But it’s totally trendy...

Sighing, you open the door, hoping she just ignores you when you enter the store and quietly stow your things behind the counter. Osamu still seems to be upstairs, or he’s picking up the car, at least he’s not there. You can tell by Watanabe’s gaze. Because instead of greeting you with her fake smile, she just snaps her tongue when she sees you.

“Don’t think you’re special just because you’re taking over the store. Get it?” She hisses at you straight.

“Thank you… I also wish you a good morning.” You answer sarcastically and tie your apron around your body. A sight she seems to enjoy. You’d like to ask her, what is so funny, but you don’t really want to hear it.

“It’s best to go to the mirror in the ladies' room and take a close look. Right, you become nothing but a stupid little waitress running after her beloved boss while he only has eyes for me. But you can’t blame him. After all I’m a beauty and I’m successful too.”

Yeah, successful in fucking rich men, take advantage of them and then throwing them away again. You think so, and try to suppress the knot that has formed in your throat. Don’t want to show her that her words have hurt you.

“I can’t believe he cares so much about you... Just look at you…” she mumbles, wanting to say something when Osamus’s voice lights up the room.

“This shirt is really itchy, what kind of fabric is that?” He says when he comes down the stairs, dressed like a fashion dog.

A pink shirt with golden stripes, a light blue ribbon and these beige pants that are somehow three numbers too small for him. And the shoes… you don’t even want to start with them. Actually, you’d laugh out loud and ask him if he’s going to a carnival event, but you’re too shocked by what’s in front of you. So you just stand there and say nothing.

A little embarrassed, Osamu looks at you, greets you quietly as he takes Watanabe’s coat and thanks you again for taking over the store.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you Y/n for taking over the store. You really are a treasure! Osamu can be so glad he has you. I’m sorry I was so skeptical at first, but now I know why he cares so much about you. You are amazing!” Says Watanabe with the broadest fake smile as she hooks up with Osamu, even if he tries to stop her from being clingy while you are there, and struts to the door with him.

“Let’s go my dear, goodbye Y/n!”

She says goodbye to you and turns around one last time before she walks out the door. This time she shows you her true face, the spiteful smile of a witch.

Three… two… one… As soon as they’re gone, the first tears pour down your cheeks. All this is just too much... Her ugly way of taking Osamu and deliberately trying to rub in your face that he loves her...

Yet you don’t have much time to cry, because the first guests arrive soon, one after the other. It’s not much you have to do at the beginning, but at the end it’s way too much to do alone. At first you try to reach Osamu, but his phone is off. Of course it is, after all, he only wants to be alone with Watanabe. With fast fingers you scroll through your contacts, would like to call Atsumu, only he can hardly fly to you fast to help you in the store. Kita is at work right now when your index finger stops on Suna’s name. Quietly, you pray for him to pick up the phone when you hear his voice.

“Y/n? Hey, don’t you have to work?”

“Suna! Are you home right now? Osamu left me alone in the shop today to do something with Watanabe, and I can’t serve the people here alone any longer… Can you help me, please? I can’t do this on my own!”

Your voice is getting panicier, almost trembling as if you were going to cry again. In the background he hears impatient voices asking questions where their order remains.

“Hey, calm down, okay? I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Before you can thank him, he hangs up and only the beeping is heard on the other line.

Suna keeps his promise because it takes less than ten minutes for him to open the door to the store and meet you. He used to help out in the store once in a while. Taking orders, serving drinks and collecting the money of the people should be no problem for him, you can then calmly take care of the food orders.

Thousands of times you thank him for spending his day off helping you out in Osamu’s shop. Both of you are under a lot of stress, but work together as a wonderful team. Maybe it just seems to you because working with Osamu has been difficult lately.

At the end of the evening, every customer was happy, your nerves at the end and the shop almost empty to the last grain of rice. Relieved, Suna sighs, watches you as you sit down exhausted on one of the bar stools and place your head in your arms.

You have done a lot today, you should drink something, he thinks and grab one of the most expensive whiskeys at the counter. You hear him fill two glasses and raise his head just to see him smile when he comes over to you and hands you your glass.

“W-wait we can not drink…”

“Why, work is over. Besides, we only toast to a successful working day. You and I make a good team.” He laughs and sits opposite you. Your knees touch, but that doesn’t bother you. The only thing you see are his green cat-like eyes and his tired but also friendly smile. He's a good friend, but you both should probably empty these glasses and leave the store for some rest.

You want to tell him that it’s going to be just this one glass when your phone vibrates and you take it out of your pocket. It’s Osamu trying to call you, but before you can answer, Suna takes the phone out of your hand and rejects the call.

“Hey, what if-”

“Screw it. Let’s finish the whiskey and close the place. If it’s really important, he’ll call again.” Suna interrupts you a bit concerned but visibly annoyed when the phone rings again.

“All good things are three.” He says again when he turns down the call and holds his glass to you to toast with you. Smiling, you raise your glass, try not to think of Osamu for a moment, and enjoy the time with a good friend.

Both of you stay a few minutes in the store, put your glasses in the dishwasher before you close the shop and Suna drives you home. Once again you thank him, can’t put it into words when he puts his hand on your lap and tries to stop your talk.

“Listen, if you need any help again, just call me, okay? And if you need a distraction or someone to talk to, there are also more people than Atsumu listening to you. Get it?” He’s so serious, so close to you that you can sense his breath on your skin, when he takes his hand off your thigh and opens your seat belt.

“Go on, jump out and get into bed. I’m sure you have to get up early tomorrow.”

“Suna… Thank you…”

“For what?”

“For everything… You’re a great friend.” You answer before you hug him and get out of the car to finally walk through the door and be alone.

Alone… on your own… If it didn’t just hurt so much...

---

Taglist: @xmyshya @boosyboo9206 @alienvarmint @namyari @koukamisblog @zlatanakermann @bloombb

[loumauve]

For the writer's ask: 12, 16 and 17!

thank you for the questions!! <3

[the list of questions can be found here]

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

couldn't possibly remember all of the ones that have slowly grown on me over the past what.. almost two decades of reading fic, but 'Hanahaki Disease' has been a recent one. and I don't always like it, just when it's done well. don't think I'd ever write it though

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

I LOVE AUs. most AUs will do. love me a good 'one of them is a monster, actually' and a lot of 'they get to live. fuck you, canon'. magical realism is always nice, too.

also a big fan of 'let's change one thing and see how everything spirals from there' really, really love that.

OH! also the whole 'let's put these characters in a whole different setting but keep them exactly true to who they are and go from there' SO GOOD. can really tell a good writer from that, they have their characters pinned down SO WELL.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

well, as we know from this amazing art, Skate AU for Horizon has been on my thoughts, somewhat parallel to trying to figure out an Old Ones/modern au and what they would all end up doing post school in that timeline.

@finrays and I have also been pondering a His Dark Materials AU in the broadest sense, those are always present in my mind whichever fandom I'm in.

then there's still the everyone lives au for Horizon, which.. if I was at all able to write long-fic I'd love to write someday, because I have a whole bunch of feels about so many things in that.

and then, and I know nobody here really remembers, there was a little show called Haven and another show called Fringe and I really wanted Olivia Dunham to meet Audrey Parker, and I have legit notes on that in a notebook somewhere, but I'll never end up writing it, again, bc long-fic and my brain do not cooperate (I don't know how y'all do it, I'm so impressed)

..I just looked through my folder of handwritten notes and printed out fic I wrote, and there's a bunch of crossover AU ideas like one with Thelma (from Hex) meeting Annie (from the og Being Human) like.. this heavily dates me lol but I did love those shows at a time, and still kinda do even if they're a little cringe now.

there's also an AU for Crossing Jordan where Lu lives and Hoyt dies instead. bc.. ya know, I wanted it to be more gay and that seemed like the perfect solution (don't blame me, I was still in the figuring out I'm actually queer phase of my life then. literally half my life ago)

anyway, I used to really love thinking up crossover AUs which is funny considering how I don't really love to read crossovers these days

[shinsengumi-archives]

Why did you become a fan of the Shinsengumi?

Poll results from July 2000 (link)

This is a theme with a long title, but I got over 100 votes, which is probably the most votes I've received so far! Thank you so much! I’m not able to update the site at this time due to a broken modem. Well, when I look at the results... Maybe it was difficult to write the name of the vote, or it was too long 😅 Somehow the range was too wide and vague and I might not have understood it well. I 'm sorry~ I'm sure you'll agree with the first place, Shiba-sensei! After that, there were a few more, such as Mr. Watsuki from Rurouni Kenshin and Kaze Hikaru. The others are fundamentally cool! I guess you could say that each and every one of them had their own drama. I guess that’s the origin of the Shinsengumi’s popularity.

1st place - Because of Shiba Ryotaro (laughs) (24 votes)

The memorable 100th vote >< Moeyo Ken is a masterpiece! !

I think it's the same for all of them

Impressed... it's just an illusion now.

Hijikata-san? ? (meaningless)

I have to have a burning sword...

I know most of it is just an illusion now, but I'm happy...☆

2nd place - Because Souji is a beautiful swordsman (laughs) (18 votes)

Beautiful cedar, Okita-san!

Souji is too cute...

There are too many, but...

Exactly! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

After all, Okita-san is good looking (laughs)

This is a key point! ! (laughs) But this is almost synonymous with Shiba-san (?)... (sweat)

Souji did it for me. (what?)

I'll stick to this!

3rd place - Watsuki's fault (13 votes)

Viva fangs! !

Because I am one of them...

It's because of Ruroken. Watsuki-sensei, don't be afraid! !

Thank you, Watsuki-sensei!

In the end, which one was more influential, Ruroken or Kazehikaru?

Anyway, it's Watsuki's fault.

Young people today like Shinsengumi Choshu because Ruroken is big.

I became interested in the Shinsengumi after seeing Mr. Okita.

Because hey...

You've done as much as you can!

Because this is how I learned about the Shinsengumi.

4th place - Because Kaze Hikaru is interesting (11 votes)

This is the reason why most of the Shinsengumi fans around me (including myself) are stupid (laughs).

It's funny, isn't it? agreement.

Because it's funny!

So-chan is cool! !

This is absolutely true!

5th place - Charming personalities (9 votes)

Shinsengumi people are good...☆

Various...

So many characters! !

The people in the end of the Tokugawa shogunate are really good

Each and every one of them who survived the turbulent era of the end of the Edo period at the risk of their lives is attractive.

6th place - Because Toshizo is a handsome boy (6 votes)

Toshizo, cool!!

PM Hijikata is the best!

There are many people who fell in love with you, right?

7th place - Delicious relationships... (4 votes)

Really, it's too delicious! Viva Shinsengumi! !

The possibility cannot be denied!

Because everyone is friendly...

8th place - Because Mr. Harada is handsome (3 votes)

Kya~! !

I love Mr. Harada! ! !

8th place - Because it was turbulent (3 votes)

Because it's about pure men who don't exist anymore

Souji died young of tuberculosis, so his life is very dramatic? I think so.

Anyway, it's amazing

8th place - Because of the law... (laughs) (3 votes)

Seriously! ? That's what it felt like.

No lol! ! I've gone out of my way!

11th place tie - Is it because of the publication? (2 votes)

There are many things. Is this in the broadest sense?

11th place tie - Because I'm Japanese (2 votes)

11th place tie - The era (2 votes)

14th place - Mr. Kondo's morality! (1 vote)

He's not popular at all, but he's a great guy.

[kpopscenario]

A day on the beach

Pairing: Vernon x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: You finally managed to organize the much needed day trip to the beach with your boyfriend - and some other friends who would cause some mixed feelings in Vernon.

A/N: Mentions of jealousy

A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I looked out of the window and finally saw the beach. The weather was just right- not too cold, not too hot. Just perfect not to freeze in only a bikini but also not to sweat like a pig under the sun. I was sitting on the passenger’s seat, next to my boyfriend Vernon, who always wore a content little smile on his face while concentrating on the road. 

“If it takes us ten more minutes to arrive-”

“If you complain one more time, I’m gonna yeet you out of the car”, Chan groaned towards Soonyoung who was now pouting like the immature adult he was. Vernon just took a turn left and then already could drive onto the parking area. 

“Look outside, we’re already here, relax”, the male next to me said in his calm voice. 

Minutes later, we were ready to wander to the actual beach, with all our bags and umbrellas. It was actually hilarious how we kinda looked like we were going on a week trip with everything they insisted on taking with us. As we finally decided a spot that wasn’t in a crowded area, Chan took the towels out, I arranged the umbrellas, Vernon got himself something to drink and Soonyoung immediately got rid of his shirt. That man had been whining during the whole ride about how badly he missed the sea and being able to just lay down on the sand or play beach volleyball. It was cute how excited the pink-haired male was and it didn’t take him more than a minute to run into the waves, making us laugh. He clumsily tripped one meter inside the water- falling face first. Chan only shook his head, half ashamed for his friend, but then got undressed as well. 

“Are we going in too?”

Within a minute, both Vernon and I were ready to join our clumsy clown and so we all went into the quite cold water. While Chan was very passionate about swimming (just like Vernon and Soonyoung), I was quite respectfully approaching them. Not because of the temperature, but because I was paranoid what might swim around my feet without me knowing. Luckily, they knew that and they didn’t splash me with water to rush me. Vernon was patiently waiting for me, like the gentleman and good boyfriend that he was, even asked if I wanted to hold his hand, which I then gladly took to get deeper. Meanwhile the other two were already dipping their heads underwater or splashed each other. 

Although I wasn’t the biggest fan of being in the water, Vernon made sure to always be around if the other two were occupied with something else or too far away. A few minutes in, the three of them started playing with a soft ball while I preferred to watch them being all silly and excited. The sweet thing was Vernon keep checking how far I was away, or if I was comfortable - something I really appreciated him for. His supportive, caring and low-key soft personality made me feel safe in wherever we were and I loved him for that. After a while, I felt my body shivering and I bet my lips were turning purple. 

“I-I think I'm gonna lay down a bit”, I explained before seeing my boyfriend approve with a nod. So I left the water and headed to our place, wanting to feel the soft towel underneath me. As soon as I was out of the ocean, I felt myself relieved, the ocean just wasn’t my thing. But lying on the towel with a book and something to drink was so much better. Therefore I did exactly that, casually watching the three friends playing or making challenges who could swim the fastest. It was clear that we all needed this day off. They hadn’t had a free fully day off in a long while, therefore it was a hell to organize this day trip. But here we were and I couldn’t have been happier. 

I was on the verge of falling asleep with my open book covering my face, as someone was nudging my leg. 

“Whaaat”, I whined and peeked up - only to see Chan with a grin on his face, all wet and his grey hair being stuck to his forehead. 

“I was gonna get myself some ice cream, are you joining?”, before I answered, my eyes gazed towards my boyfriend. “They keep coming up with new challenges.” 

Amused by them, I giggled and then got up and got my purse. The ice cream stand wasn’t too far away so I didn’t mind getting a shirt over the bikini, why should I? 

“One chocolate and one strawberry please”, I ordered, already knowing that Chan would want nothing else but strawberry ice cream, it was always the same. “I still have no idea how you can actually enjoy strawberries.”

“Uh excuse me when that’s the best flavor?”, he scoffed and contently started eating (deliberately using mmmmmmmhs a million times, which made me nudge him). “Not at you coming for me when you’re ordering the most boring flavor. Chocolate- how creative.”

“Aye! I'm gonna give you a brown nose if you don’t stop disrespecting my amazing taste.” 

Back on our towels, we sat next to each other and both enjoyed our ice cream. Eventually, my eyes met with Vernon’s and he waved back with a wide smile that made me giggle. Chan leaned back and supported his weight on his elbows. 

“From afar, Vernon looks like a stick figure dancing in the water.”

That comment from Chan made me burst out into laughter.

“WHERE did that come from?”, still giggling, we now both observed my boyfriend who definitely looked more handsome than a fucking stick figure. But I kinda knew what Chan meant. Vernon wasn’t the one with the broadest shoulders, not that buff, event that didn’t mean he was exactly skinny. he was perfectly fit. I hit Chan’s chest nevertheless and whined. “Vernon DOESN’T look like that, mister. Just because he’s not as buff as Seungcheol? You’re not that buff either, lil boy.”

That caused Chan to sit straight. 

“DON’T call me that, you dwarf. And I am buff! At least more buff than half a year ago, look!”, he then sucked in some air to appear in a more adequate position, flexing not only his broad upper body but also his arms, which indeed have gained muscle weight overtime. 

“Well, okay maybe a tiny little bit. But look”, I started poking the faded outlines of abs. “still squishy here.” 

Little did I know that Vernon’s expression dropped when he looked over - only to see me touching Chan’s body. 

He just wanted to check what I was doing or if I got bored with him still being in the water. But apparently I had very good company. 

When Vernon’s jealous, he doesn’t seem like it from the outside. He wouldn’t look too different than when he’d just woken up or when he’s bored. Just staring but being rather silent. However, he stopped playing with Soonyoung for quite a moment, his eyes fixed on me and how I giggled to things Chan were saying. What was that funny? He was very well aware that Chan had been my closest friend and that since a long time. But something in Vernon’s head told him that we were being more than just friendly right then. 

“Everything okay?”, Soonyoung asked, impatient with his friend not passing the ball back but Vernon then shook the feeling off as well as possible to continue playing. He was very rarely jealous and even if he was, he mostly was mature enough to know what I was doing, or if I was doing it deliberately or accidentally. He didn’t like being jealous. You were in a strong relationship and he was proud to be my number one safe place, although Chan surely counted as one too. One side of him tried to shake it off and let me have fun with my friend, just like Vernon did with Soonyoung. But the curiosity and slightly anxious feeling of jealousy tingled in his fingertips and he kept sighing when looking over, still seeing us talking passionately, pushing each other or even laying down together. 

‘What am I even jealous of’, he mumbled to himself over and over. Literally to the point where he just couldn’t keep looking over. 

“Hey sorry, I need a break”, he mumbled and gave Soonyoung a pressed smile before leaving the water. He couldn’t take his eyes off us not even seeing him approaching until he was literally standing infront of my towel. Like that, he was blocking the sun for me, which made me whine. 

“Step away, love”, I sat up. 

With that, Vernon nodded and lied exactly next to me, on the same big towel which now didn’t leave any more space. 

“Soonyoung called for you, Chan”, he said casually, rubbing his nose to not seem suspicious about lying. His friend surprisedly looked at him and then stood up.

“Alright then, see you later.”

Vernon waited until the distance was big enough to lie on his back and wrap an arm around my shoulder. This made me smile and roll towards him. He didn’t say anything for a while, not knowing if he should even mention being jealous. He literally felt unnecessarily dramatic with this feeling, especially cause it was rare for him. 

“What was that?” “Huh?”

“You touching Chan, giggling and having fun.”

It took me a moment to know what he even meant, and why he was pointing it out in the first place. 

“Is it bad that we were having fun?”, he sighed.

“Of course not, but...”

“Wait”, I interrupted him as I sat up and looked down at him. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous? Are you?”, now he definitely felt embarrassed about his feeling. Him hiding his face behind his hands proved the whole point, making me giggle. “Babbbyyyyyyy, no reason to get jealous of!”

“I know, I know. Ugh sorry, it’s stupid”, he groaned as he felt my weight now half on top of him as I made sure to cuddle him. Giving reassurance would be enough to calm himself down again. It always helped to kiss his shoulder and explaining the context. 

“We .... uh.... he said that you looked like a stick figure in the water. So I defended you by calling him a lil boy and then, you know, he had to flex.” 

That explanation already was enough to make Vernon start laughing, he could imagine the scene way too well. We were now just laying there, giggling and making fun of the situation. And like that, Vernon felt lighter. 

“Thanks for not calling me a stick figure.” “I got you, baby! But it’s cute when you’re jealous.”

[destroyseverything]

((Okay okay okay so I know I’ve been joking about writing different flavours of the same asshole and I’m still gonna meme the heck out of Fire-Rufus-parallels, but this did actually make me think about their differences.

“Horrible person” isn’t exactly a concrete character trait.

This is gonna be interesting to at most two people but still. I’ve asked which one is worse as a joke, and it’s interesting because copper boy is by far the worse person, but rust man is more hurtful towards others.))

  It’s repeatedly shown that Rufus does care about people, and not just when he sacrifices himself at the end. He never would’ve had second thoughts at the end of the first game if he didn’t, though I imagine even he thought he didn’t care about Deponia before its destruction was on the table. He was bitter, and it’s easy to say you don’t care when you don’t think it would change anything anyway.

Rufus hurts people, because he acts impulsively, because he says whatever he’s thinking without even considering that it could be hurtful, and when people do get angry he doubles down because he’s the good guy. Why would people get angry when he insults them to their face? He’s just sayin’! Rufus doesn’t actively intend to make enemies, but his complete lack of empathy and unwillingness to admit it as a fault means he repeatedly does, and this extends to his actions as well.

Meanwhile Fire has the self control and patience of a saint (haha very funny), and when he says something hurtful you can be sure he picked his words with the intention of doing as much emotional damage as possible, and this as nothing more than a game. But most of the time, he gets along with people just fine, and they can’t tell he’d stab them in the neck for half a corn chip because they’re simply not worth him revealing his true nature to.

When Fire says he doesn’t care, he actually means it. He’d purposefully sacrifice and/or kill people without a second thought if there was a point to it, because he truly does not see worth in most people’s lives, and the main reason he doesn’t is because for the most part there is no point. And sure, there’s exceptions he considers friends even beyond Red, but apathy is his default and even when it comes to his friends there’s a thick layer of denial.

Funny thing too, is that Fire obviously wasn’t always this bad, and he unlearnt how to care about people and became bitter the closer he got to giving up on his dreams, when it became more and more clear that he’d never get the title he wanted, and recognition he needed. Let’s compare this to Elysium for a moment, and Rufus’ dream of a better life surrounded by people who treat him like a person instead of a catastrophe.

Fire doesn’t give two shits about anyone or anything because he gave up. Rufus absolutely refuses to. And that’s the key difference between the two.

For the heck of it let’s look at some more similarities though, aside from the fact that they’re both Schrödinger’s gingers, clowns, have a tendency to commit arson, and would absolutely jump at the chance to bang their own twin (in the broadest of senses)

No empathy is an obvious one, though Fire compensates by understanding how people tick on a rational level, and Rufus is at least capable of sympathy/compassion once he understands that someone is hurt. Both of them strongly lack awareness as well, but while Rufus’ extends externally and makes him seem completely deluded and detached from reality at times, Fire’s is entirely focussed internally and mostly shows itself in double standards and hypocrisy. As a result Rufus, while chaotic, comes off as much more cohesive, while Fire is two-faced even on occasions where he’s not consciously putting on an act.

[ubernoxa]

The Sip: A Modern Day GNR AU

Chapter 3: The BBQ

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2)

“Is this the place?” Sandy asked me as we pulled up to the house I was at only this morning. The white exterior paired with the large black garage doors were the spitting image of the ones that I saw earlier today. The nerves of seeing Duff again quickly returned when we pulled into his rather spacious driveway.

“Yup, this was the place,” I replied as she parked next to a car that looked at least three times as expensive as Sandy’s.

“We got in the wrong business. We should have become rockstars,” Sandy’s eyes

“I have never been so nervous getting out of a car before in my life,” I joked back as I gently opened Sandy’s car door paying extra care to not hit the very expensive muscle car that she parked next to.

“God, I feel like such a peasant,” I couldn’t agree more with Sandy as I sent Duff a message that we made it. There was no way I was heading in there without knowing where he was. The place was most likely packed to the brim and the fewer awkward interactions I had, the better.

He quickly responded with instructions to head through the back gate which was thankfully unlocked.

The backyard was lined with trees, shrubs and a large fence for what I assumed were put there for privacy. A large pool sitting in the center filled with only a couple people was calling my name. Despite living in California I couldn’t remember the last time I went swimming.

“Wow this place is beautiful,” Sandy said as we walked through the backyard, and I couldn’t agree more. The grass was the greenest grass I had seen in a long time. To my surprise, the place wasn’t as packed as I expected. When we walked in I immediately saw Duff who was original by the grill chatting with Slash. The butterflies in my stomach swarmed into chaos as he walked over towards Sandy and I. Everything about him looked effortless. His blonde and brown hair looked barely styled, but still somehow managed to frame his face perfectly. He looked so causal as he walked over without a shirt on.

Don’t stare Alanah, don’t stare.

“Hey, glad you guys made it! Hopefully it wasn’t to bad of a drive. Want some beers?” I was about to say no due to the fact I was still hung over, but Sandy immediately interrupted me and said yes.

“Where is the bathroom?” I turned in panic towards Sandy was she spoke. She couldn’t just leave me alone with Duff! What if there is a like awkward silence or I say something stupid?

Once he gave her directions she whispered in my ear, “Go get him tigress.”

What the literal fuck. I love her to death, but what the fuck?

“What type of beer do ya want?”

“The alcoholic type,” the words left my mouth before my brain processed what I was about to say. Jesus Christ, he must think I’m such a weirdo.

I felt relief flow through me as he laughed and shook his head.

“Trust me, the only type of beer we have here is the alcoholic type,” his damn smirk shined again as he opened the cooler.

“Pick your poison,” my eyes darted from beer to beer trying to decide which one I should get. A purple tinted one caught my eye and I reached down to grab it.

“BlackBerry...interesting,” I looked at him and he still had his damn smirk on his face. I felt like he was a psychologist or something, studying me.

“Don’t mock it until you try it,” I shrugged before twisting the cap of and followed Duff to some chaise lounges.

“Feel free to keep your crap here, we have towels if you want to go for a swim. The water is actually heated which is kinda refreshing in the Fall. It’s a bitch in the summer though because you feel like a damn lobster being boiled when one of your band mates decides to leave the heat on overnight and doesn’t tell you,” As he spoke I placed my bag on the lounge and took my shirt off revealing the top piece of my bikini. No one else was swearing a shirt so why should I?

I definitly spent an hour or so digging through my dresser trying to decide which bikini to wear. I wasn’t trying to impress Duff, I just wanted to look good...I wanted to look good when Duff saw me...so maybe I was trying to impress him, but that doesn’t matter. I settled on this cheetah print one thanks to some advice from Sandy on how I shouldn’t look like a total slut in front of him just yet. Plus who doesn’t like a good animal print?

I felt his eyes on me as I took another sip of my beer and now it was my turn to smirk. So the rockstar was a fan of cheetah print? Good to know.

By now I assumed that Sandy had found someone else to occupy her time, probably someone of the male variety, so it was just me and Duff. Fuck.

“So..is this your place?” I asked him before taking another sip of my delicious beer. Who knew that alcohol could taste this good?

“Yup, it was my first big purchase!” I smiled at him as pride shot through his features. I figured this place must have been a huge upgrade from his last place.

“Well it is very very nice and puts Sandy’s and my place to absolute shame,” I made hand gestures in attempt to dramaticise how much nice his place was.

“So what does one do to have a not as nice place to live,” his playful tone caught me off guard.

“Well you saw my Instagram page when you DMed me, so you know the answer to that,” If he was going to play, I was going to tease right back.

“Social media influencer is one of the broadest job titles in the world,” he laughed back making my heart skip a beat. I loved his contagious laugh.

“Hmm and you didn’t look at ANY of my photos or click the link in my bio?” I continued my teasing efforts making sure that a smile stayed on his face.

“Are you asking if I stalked you on social media?” His voice was almost a whisper as he spoke. I could barely hear him above the music that filled his backyard.

“Now that’s not fair I asked you a question first,” I finished my drink placing it down on the ground next to me as I spoke.

He laughed again, and asked another question I assume to avoid answering mine,”what do I do?”

“Okay, there is no way in hell knowing what you do is comparable to you knowing what I do,” I laughed back at him. He definitly stalked me on Instagram. I knew it because he accidentally liked one of my photos from a couple months back. Was he too proud to admit it?

“What would you define as what you do then, just pretend we live in a world without social media,” whenever he spoke, his smile never faltered. I thanked God for the beer that calmed my nerves.

“Well that sounds like a scary world, Rockstar,” I teased back. It would mostly be a scary would because I would be unemployed but that is besides the point.

“Ohh so my name is Rockstar now?”

“Why yes it is Mr Rockstar!”

“Alright YouTuber,” he teased back before finishing off his own beer.

“So you did look,” I smiled as he finally admitted it.

“Prove it!” He challenged back.

“You just did,” I winked before standing up and looking around for somewhere to place my beer.

“Do you remember meeting the guys last night,” he raised an eyebrow at me as I shook my head not. If I was being honest I remembered jack shit from last night.

“Come on then, let’s go meet the guys,” he grabbed my hand and I followed him over to where Steven was chatting up some girl.

“Stevie, this is Alanah from last night,” I couldn’t help but smile as he pulled me in for a hug.

“How could I forget my karaoke partner?” He cheered earning some laughter from Duff. It was clear that he was trying to hide it but horribly failed.

“Karaoke?” Dear god, how much of a fool did I make myself out to be.

“Yeah, is recommend leaving the musical stuff to the professional, and sticking to your day job,” Duff teased back.

“What’s your day job?” The girl next to Stevie asked.

“I don’t know Duff aka Social media stalker, what is my job?” I turned towards Duff unable to hid my smirk. He was going to admit that he stalked me on social media. It was only a question of when.

“Well Duff that’s another thing us band mates got in common,” I turned towards Stevie to glare at him for him ruining my setup to making him admit he stalked me, but I couldn’t. His smile was too contagious.

“Well I hope you’re better at it than him. This newbie here accidentally liked a picture of mine from a few months ago?” I looked back at him to see him laughing and shaking his head.

“If you knew, why did you want me to admit it?”

“I like watching you squirm,” it wasn’t a lie. It was kinda funny to see the big famous badass rockstar squirm.

“You down for shot hill tonight?” Stevie asked before Duff and I were going to leave to probably go meet someone else I had completely forgotten about.

“You know that ain’t a question. We can use the plastic ones in the basement. I actually bought them for this. I don’t want to be cleaning up glass again. Make sure to tell Izzy and Axl. They have to chose which one of them is setting the game up,” Duff replied before we left. What the hell was shot hill. Did they just stack a bunch of shots on a hill and drink them?

“Shot hill?” I quizzed Duff before we met another one of his bandmates.

“It’s a game of shots, just make sure when we play it you’re fully dressed because we will probably be on a team together,” I felt him quickly look me up and down, but before I could make a sarcastic remark back I heard someone yell that dinner was ready. I guess my questions will have to wait.

[thecalmnessandthestorms]

FFXIV Write Day 4- Clinch

Heilyn stood in front of a run down building in The Brume with a smile on his face. Gods… it wasn’t much yet, but it was his. His soon to be beautiful workshop. He just needed to pull together the funds for all the inner workings and such now that he’d at least purchased the building. Though he wouldn’t ask for his father’s money to help this one. No, Heilyn planned to either fundraise or find a patron. No Fortemps connected to this endeavor. No heretical nonsense would be allowed in that house. Not again. No way no how. That was why he was Heilyn Hraesar yet still, and never Alphonse de Fortemps ever again. Any missteps, any mistakes, they were his and his alone. Living in the manor or not. 

Though, as luck would have it, lady luck would figuratively come knocking on his door. In the form of a light and welcoming voice behind him. “Heilyn Hraesar, are you? The manor guardsman said I might happen to find you here.” 

The heretic turned and saw a young man dressed in the attire of a nobleman standing behind him. A dangerous place for one such as he, which only lended to the strange look Heilyn gave to him. “...Pardon my rudeness, but are you out of your mind, ser? Coming down here dressed like that?” 

The nobleman merely looked at Heilyn with a questioning tilt of his head. “Pardon my asking but do you truly think that anyone would attack a nobleman with a clear witness in the broadest of daylight? Particularly when the man with which he is speaking happens to be carrying a rather dangerous looking dagger, and the noble has his sword?” 

Heilyn was silent before speaking again. “Point. Carry on. State your business. Whatever does your high up self need with a lowly crafter like me?” 

“Ha, funny,” the nobleman replied. Though there was little or no humor in his tone. “My name is Ferrant de Durand, and I would request your help, Heilyn.” 

“My help? With what? I’m afraid if you require crafting services My little shop is yet to be ready to accept such things. And I will not be taking advance orders.” 

Ferrant shook his head. “No such things. I… wish for your help in, well, politics.” 

There was a beat of silence.

A second.

A third. 

And then. Laughter falling forth from Heilyn’s mouth. “You’re joking! You must be! Politics! Me!? Funniest shit I’ve ever heard!” 

There was just a deadpan expression from Ferrant. “...I’m serious Hraesar. I wish to work for the rights of the heretics who live on after the war. You wish to have your little workshop that aids displaced heretics into society funded. I would be more than willing to be your patron should you be willing to help me write speeches and offer up advice.” 

The laughter stopped in an instant. Heilyn looking at him in shock. “...By the Twelve. You’re serious about this.” 

“I am indeed. So, what say you? Are you willing to lend me your aid in return for mine? Or shall I scour the city for another heretic who knows some small details about matters. Another willing to make a difference? Make the Ishgard you know you dearly wish for?” 

Heilyn paused. Thinking carefully on this. On the one hand, politics and snooty as shit nobles. On the other, funding which he needed. ...and if he had a third had he’d add the look of fire behind the man’s brown eyes. Heilyn couldn’t not help but admire that determination there. 

...If things went wrong he could always back out and earn the funds to pay him back through hard work. Simple as that. A gamble but… perhaps with this man it was worth taking. Heilyn held out a hand. 

“I suppose you have a deal, Ferrant. Prove to me that you really can make this the Ishgard I want to see.”  (Ferrant can be found over on @heartofthefury​! Been wanting to write this one for a looong time! :’) )

[hockeytrashgoblin]

High ~Part 10

A/N: This one is a long boi. Lots happens lol enjoy

"Babe? Some of the guys are going to be coming over later today if that's okay?"

"Yeah of course, love. They're always welcome."

"I just wanted to make sure."

"Why-oh! Auston's coming too right?"

"Yeah he is. He was whining that I only ever went to his house. I don't want you to be uncomfortable though."

"I'll just go out. I've got to do a bit of baby shopping anyway. I'll take Gray too. When are you expecting them?"

"In a bit. Like maybe 15 minutes before they start getting here?"

"Okay we'll go now then. Do you need anything while we're out?"

"Maybe some snacks? Sooooomebody ate all mine."

"Hey no fair I'm pregnant. I'm starving all the time." I pouted as he hugged me.

"Here I thought the big new kitchen would have enough food for us all."

"It doooes. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry baby. I don't really mind at all." He gave me a kiss before Gray started pulling my leg.

"Mommy I want to play."

"No baby we're going to the store now. Daddy's friends are coming over."

"I wanna stay." He pouted. I was so amazed at my little guy. Once he figured out words it was so fast to him talking in full sentences. He was one and a half now and on track to be fully understanding and talking by two. Much like me as a child. He was really smart.

"You can't stay, love. We'll be back soon and uncle Willy will be here to play with. Maybe uncle Freddie too." Mitch nodded to him and he finally agreed to go with me. We got to the store with little trouble and only one tantrum. 

"Do you want to pick out something for the babies Gray?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay buddy-boop, whatcha wanna get?"

"Hats!"

"That's a good idea. It'll still be pretty cold when they get here. What ones do you want to get?"

"The blue bears!"

"You're sure you want the blue ones?"

"Yeah! Blue like daddy."

"Okay sweet boy, blue it is."

I tried to stretch out the shopping as long as I could but I had a cranky toddler who needed a nap and would only sleep in his bed right now. A phase I didn't appreciate. I got to the house quickly thanks to GPS. I still didn't always remember how to get to the new house fast. I took Gray out of his car seat and just brought him inside without thinking. He had been screaming for 20 minutes and I just wanted him to nap. I didn't take into consideration that there were hockey players all over the living room that I had to walk through to get to the stairs to his bedroom. Including Auston who had still never even seen his son except in pictures from Mitch's insta but there wasn't very many on there. I didn't realize until everyone was staring at me and the boy.

"Hey guys sorry to interrupt." I just kept walking through.

"Mommy I wanna play with uncle Willie."

"After your nap Gray. Right now you need to sleep."

After I put him down for his nap I sat outside his door and cried. Mitch came up to check on me and he sat down next to me rubbing my back.

"I can't believe I was just so stupid. I brought Grayson right through in front of Auston. He's never seen him in person Mitch. I was just so tired of listening to a screaming sleepy baby that I brought him in."

"You're not stupid. This is your house and that's our son. If he didn't want to risk seeing him he could've just stayed home."

"I didn't want him to see him. He doesn't want to see him, hes going to think I did it on purpose."

"He won't." He brushed the hair our of my face and gave me a gentle kiss. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm just frustrated. Probably hormones are playing a role too. Its dumb I'm sorry."

"Don't be baby. Do you want to come down and hangout with us?"

"No I think I'm going to have a nap."

"Okay you can come down anytime you want. Love you, have a good nap."

"Love you."

I ended up sleeping for about 30 minutes. I woke up to Gray jumping on me.

"Baby, why are you jumping? How did you get out of your crib?"

"I climbed. I wanted to be with you mommy."

"Aww my sweet boy come here." I lifted up the comforter and he crawled in cuddling up with me. "We'll have to get you a big boy bed soon."

"Okay."

"Go back to sleep for a little bit okay Gray?"

"Okay mommy. Goodnight."

"I love you."

"Love you."

I stayed awake for a while just soothing my baby and getting him back to sleep. Eventually I fell asleep too. I was woken up a little while later by Mitch.

"Morning sleeping beauty."

"Hi love, how long have I been out? Where's Gray?"

"Probably around 2 hours? He had been asleep to long so I woke him up and brought him downstairs. Auston already left with Morgan and Zach."

"Sorry I've been sleeping so much. I'm just so tired all the time."

"I know, it's okay. Your body is working hard to make two healthy babies."

"Yeah that's true." I said feeling my belly.

"I can't believe you're showing so much already. It took you so long to show with Grayson. Are you feeling them yet?"

"Yeah but it's just light. You won't be able to feel it yet."

"Damn it."

"Sorry baby."

"Says sorry as if it's her fault." He said rolling his eyes. "Come on let's go back downstairs and see the guys."

"Okay." I gave him a kiss before we made our way back down. "Hey guys!"

"Well look who could finally be bothered to come see me." William said sarcastically giving me a hug.

"I'm sorryyy. The twins have me so fucking tired all the time."

"Hows everything going?" Freddie asked from the floor building blocks with Gray.

"Its all going good. The babies are a little on the small side but they're healthy so it's okay."

"That's good I'm glad to hear it." He said with a small but genuine smile.

"Thanks I'm glad too."

"Do you know what you're having yet? Marns said you were finding out this time."

"We don't know yet." I saw Freddie get out his phone but I didn't really think much of it until Will spoke up.

"No you don't but I do." William said with laughter in his voice.

"What?! You know? They called?" I asked getting excited.

"Mhm."

"Well what are you waiting for tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Mitch looks like he's gonna barf." Freddie laughed.

"Babe come here." I sat him down beside me. 

"How wild is it that I'm the only one who knows what you're having?"

"Willyyyy come on." I whined stomping my feet.

"Okay okay fine. Are you guys ready?"

"Yes for God sake!" Mitch said groaning.

"Okay so you're having another baby boy first off, and baby number two is a little girl."

"Oh my God!! Oh my God. Will for real?"

"Of course for real. I'm not about to lie." I ran up and hugged him and then went back to Mitch.

"Mitchie!!"

"Baby this is incredible. I'm so fucking happy." He held my face and gave me a kiss before lifting me into his arms and spinning me around. I started crying of course.

"Mitch this is so great. We get both."

"Stop crying you sweetheart, I'm going to cry." He kissed me again and wiped my eyes.

"Oh my God this is so awesome.. a little girl! And another boy! I'm so excited." I covered my eyes and started stomping my feet again in excitement.

"I'm so happy for you guys." Freddie said coming over and giving me a hug first then Mitch.

"Thank you Frederick. That means a lot." I said smiling wide.

"Thanks man." Mitch gave him a big hug.

"Cant believe you're going to have three kids soon. How do you feel man?"

"Excited. I'm so excited man. I can't believe I'm having two babies, let alone a boy and a girl. That's wild. Oh my God babe! We're having a girl!"

"I know lovey."

"God I'm not scary enough to have a daughter. Who's going to intimidate the guys trying to date her?"

"(Y/n)." William and Freddie said at the same time. Everyone laughed at the appalled look on Mitch's face. Even Grayson thought it was funny.

"Babe you've got a whole big bad team that can intimidate boys. Plus she's got two brothers. And you can be plenty scary when you want to be."

"Such a liar." Freddie said chuckling. "He literally got into a fight and hugged someone to the ground."

"Yeah but did I win though?" He asked getting worked up.

"Mitchie-"

"Babe no. Did I win though?"

"You did I guess in the broadest sense of the word." William said.

"No I won the fight. I didnt get hit and I got him to the ground. That's a win."

"If you say so."

"Ya know what? Fuck you guys."

"Fuck you guys." Gray repeated causing everyone to quiet down.

"Good going Marns." Freddie said trying to hold it together. William couldn't, he had to leave the room. I could still hear him laughing but I dont think Gray did. He did hear Mitch though.

"Fuck you." Grayson squealed laughing.

"Mitch cut it out." I said hitting the back of his head. He wouldn't stop at all and this is not what I wanted Grayson to start saying all the time and I felt a mad mood swing coming on. "Mitchell get out. Now."

"What?"

"Get. Out."

"Fine." He said scoffing at me and leaving.

"Grayson you come here." He came over and stood in front of me. "You don't say that anymore, you hear me?"

"Fuck you." He giggled but Freddie picked him up and sat him on his lap.

"Listen up bud. That's not a nice thing to say. It's mean."

"Daddy said it."

"Daddy was making a mean joke. You don't want to say mean things." I told him sternly.

"I want to say."

"Gray you listen to your mom. Who's the boss little man?"

"Mom's the boss."

"Right. So we're not gonna say that again right?"

"Right."

"If I hear that you're still saying it I'm gonna come back and we're gonna have to have a talk about listening to mom."

"Okay."

"Say sorry to your mom."

"I'm sorry mommy." He said coming over and giving me a hug.

"It's okay baby boy. I just don't want you saying those words. They're bad ones."

"I won't mommy."

"Good." 

The rest of the evening was spent with the guys. We all played out in the snow with Gray then we came inside and cooked dinner together. The night ended with us all watching spongebob with Grayson until he got tired. I put him up to bed and read him a story after saying bye to Willy and Fred.

All night Mitch had been off. I was worried about him and I was worried that it was my fault for yelling at him. I decided I'd have to talk to him but I wasn't sure he'd want to talk to me. I found him in our room sitting on the edge of the bed. I climbed in on my side and crawled over to him. I gave him a kiss on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay babes."

"You seemed upset and I just wanted to apologize. It wasn't your fault that he repeated things."

"Do you think I'm a bad dad?"

"What? Mitch no!"

"Really?"

"Oh course hun. You're such a good dad to Grayson."

"But I made him swear."

"Mitchie anyone could've done that. We've all been swearing around him."

"What if I'm a bad dad to the twins?"

"You won't be. Love, where is this all coming from?"

"Auston and Zach where saying some off hand comments. Jokes probably. Some of them just really stuck with me."

"What did they say?"

"Just that I wasn't doing a good job basically. Aus was making fun of me for Grayson crying when you brought him in because I'm not raising him right. Zach said I was too young and dumb to have kids. He said I'd fuck em up. That we were stupid to go through with having the twins because it'll make my career harder."

"Okay new rule. Ya know who isn't allowed to ever critique your parenting? Auston fucking Matthews. You literally adopted his son and have been taking care of him so well his whole life. Auston ran away from me and pretty much never spoke to me again. As for Zach, he can fucking bite me. You aren't a bad parent and you aren't going to fuck them up. Our twins are going to love you with just as much intensity as Grayson."

"Thank you (y/n). You always know just what to say."

"I don't know what impact it'll have on your career and I'm sorry I was so selfish as to not think of that."

"What? No dont apologize for that. I thought of that." He said rubbing my arm that was around him. "I thought a lot about that before I brought up having another baby. I don't see how it would effect my career negatively. Or really at all."

"Maybe they're thinking concentration and stuff?"

"I don't know but this whole season you've been pregnant and we've had Gray for a season and a half before this. I've played my best hockey this year."

"I know I'm so proud of you." I said kissing him.

"I just want to have a big happy family. And it's not like I'm leaving it just to you to raise them. I'm just as involved. And it's not like I'm ditching the guys either. I just don't get it."

"Don't get upset about it baby." I leaned back and brought him back so he was laying on my crossed legs. I started running my fingers through his hair. He sighed in content and closed his eyes. 

"It's just hard."

"Maybe they're just jealous."

"Why would they be?"

"Well I mean just look at you. You've got love, a beautiful family, twins on the way, you're playing better hockey than them, you have a house of your own. What's not to be jealous of?"

"I guess. I'm just really bothered that my best friends would say that kind of stuff about me. I love you guys so much and I just try so hard to show it every day."

"You do show it every day Mitch. You've shown it every day since we found out I was pregnant with Grayson. You're the most loving person I've ever met."

"I just want to do a good job."

"You do, you will. We can do it together."

"I love you so much."

"I love you Mitchie." The babies kept moving around as we were talking and I decided to try and distract him. "Hey love, do you want to see if you can feel the babies?"

"Are they kicking?" He asked excitedly turning over to face me.

"Yeah pretty hard actually."

"Where? Where are they kicking?"

"There's one down here. And the other is over here." I said moving each hand to the spots on my stomach.

"Alright babies kick me. I wanna feel it. I want to feel you move." He spoke to my belly and they started kicking.

"Do you feel it?"

"Shh I'm trying to concentrate."

"Pfft good luck." I said running my hand through his hair again laughing at the look he gave me.

"Stop moving."

"Sorry." I stopped and just sat quietly.

"Was that them?" He asked after a hard kick.

"I felt it over here for sure."

"Me too." He said smiling. "There's one of my babies. Finally. I didn't think they'd ever want me to feel them."

"Oh come on lovey, you knew they'd be felt eventually."

"Yeah I did. Come on other baby, get me." We stayed like that for a while waiting but he didn't feel it again which bummed him out.

"Mitchy it's okay you'll feel them both soon."

"I know I will. After Gray goes to bed I'm gonna sit here with you for hours just holding you and being kicked."

"Gonna take your baby bump naps again?" I asked wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Oh fuck yes. I loved those so much during the beginning of the season. I felt so close to you and Gray that way. It's the closest I could get connection wise since I can't feel them all the time."

"Awe babe, you can feel for them any time you'd like. And take your naps. You can do whatever you need to to feel connected to the babies."

"Can we pick out baby names?"

"What right now?"

"Yes why not? We already know the girl's gonna be Marly right?"

"Yeah I was thinking of giving her my mom's middle name Dawn too but I'm up for discussion on that."

"Marly Dawn Marner. I like it."

"Me too. Do you have any boy names in mind?"

"I don't know. I was kind of throwing around a few."

"Tell me."

"Okay these are just a few that I like. Andrew, Lucas, and Dexter."

"Aaww Dexter it so cute!"

"Yeah I liked it." He said with a shy smile while rubbing his neck.

"Don't do that. You look hot and I'm going to get so distracted."

"Oh my God whatever. Do you have any names?"

"I've been liking Toby. I also like Lucas. Josh, Kyle, Ethan too. I like Ethan."

"Those are cool."

"Now that you've said Dexter though I'm really liking Dexter."

"Well we've got time to decide still. We're only halfway there."

"You've got a point." I gave him a kiss before we laid down and he tried feeling for the babies some more.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 110: Onion Gang

“No more weirdo friends.”

There have been a handful of Steven Universe episodes that I only watched once, didn’t like, and didn’t watch again until reviewing them for this project. Time has been kind to many of them: I’ve come to appreciate Ronaldo (especially in Rising Tides, Crashing Skies, which I was super down on) as well as Say Uncle and The New Lars. I don’t necessarily love all these episodes now, but they’re a lot better than I once thought.

But yeah sometimes my first impression is right on the money.

Onion Gang is the most boring episode of the series by a country mile. The show has meandered before in the likes of Cat Fingers, Steven’s Lion, and Open Book, but these stories at least resolve in interesting ways. Looking forward, Escapism has even fewer words than Onion Gang, but it’s designed to simultaneously add to Steven’s many ordeals and act as the calm before the storm (and it’s also, y’know, watchable; silence can be a good thing, ask any episode of Samurai Jack). But Onion Gang is relentlessly uninteresting throughout.

The glacial pace isn’t helped by comedy bits falling flat at a rate that’s almost impressive. I try pretty hard to find things I like in episodes I don’t, but there’s literally nothing here for me. That is not easy. Especially considering how much of a sucker I am for Onion, slapstick, and weird goofy side adventures. This should be right up my alley, but hoo boy is it not.

Still, I’ll give it a try: the most generous reading of Onion Gang is that it focuses on Steven misunderstanding Onion, and if you squint, you can draw a parallel between his assumptions about Onion and his assumptions about Rose (both silent, mysterious figures in his life) being proven wrong. False narratives are a recurring theme in Steven’s arc, and another one pops up here. But even if that broadest of strokes is an intended connection, it doesn’t stop Onion Gang from being a catastrophe.

The only Onion Pal that leaves any impression is Garbanzo, and the impression is that Garbanzo is the worst character the show has ever produced. Villains like Kevin and Aquamarine are horrible, but that’s the point. Irritating secondary characters like Ronaldo and Lars have actual depth, and otherwise further the plot and are reliable for decent humor at times (it’s a shame that only one of them grows, but still). Garbanzo is a kid who shouts the word “Garbanzo” as if this is inherently amusing, and uh that’s it. The joke isn’t funny the first time, and doesn’t become funny through brute force repetition. It’s just annoying.

Squash, Soup, and Pinto are...there? They mostly exist for the gag of Steven naming all of them, a continuation of his unusually domineering presence in Onion Gang. Because oh yeah, on top of everything else this is a dreadful Steven episode. It’s not Sadie’s Song, because his presumptuous attitude doesn’t cause actual harm, but this is a bad look on a hero whose powers are supposed to be based on empathy. His narration of Onion’s actions mostly acts as another gag, and like Garbanzo, it’s not a funny one, but that doesn’t stop the episode from repeating it ad nauseam.

Steven’s weird behavior doesn’t stop there. The overlong go-kart scene ends with Steven seeing Garbanzo spray ketchup on himself, then instantly forgetting he saw this and openly wondering if Garbanzo is hurt. Which makes this the dumbest Steven has ever been. It makes zero sense that he would be bamboozled by something he saw faked with his own eyes, to the point where the gag itself becomes confusing: this would be like if he saw Amethyst eat his dinner then asked where his dinner went, it requires Steven’s intelligence to plummet so perilously that it confounds what we’re supposed to find funny about the joke in the first place.

But the most bizarre misfire by far is Steven declaring that he’s “the lonely boy with no friends his age” when Connie Maheswaran exists. She’s busy (as is the underused Peedee), but our hero makes the flying leap that this means he’s utterly friendless. This is a kid defined by his ability to make friends. He saves the ocean once and the planet twice by making friends. The entire show hinges on his fundamental friendliness. This plot point is ludicrous, even when we take into account that Steven is being annoyingly melodramatic.

A nitpick, but one that fuels the Ronaldo-level conspiracy theorist in me, is that Connie was prepping for school in Buddy’s Book and is attending school in Mindful Education, so if she’s shopping for school supplies in Onion Gang then either she’s doing it super late (which doesn’t sound like something she or her mother would ever allow) or this episode, which mind you is stated to take place as summer ends, should've aired between the two Connie episodes. The conspiracy theory is that Onion Gang would’ve looked even weaker when shoved between two episodes about what good friends Steven and Connie are, so it got moved to settle between two Crystal Gem stories.

I think that it’s theoretically possible to make a good episode that evokes unambiguous pathos from Onion. But considering the character works because he’s this strange, menacing force of nature in an otherwise pretty normal population of humans, I’m not sure he’s a character that needs the depth. Onion Friend hit a sweet spot of making him grow a little, but maintain his creepy charm. Onion Gang goes further, but in doing so removes everything interesting about Beach City’s resident weirdo. Gone is the kid who two episodes ago was robbing the arcade with a crowbar and a bandit mask. Here instead is an odd but sensitive kid whose mischievous friends somehow render him less mischievous than usual. It’s bad enough to have a boring episode, but a boring episode with Onion as the focus? Again, it’s almost impressive.

There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any other Onion-centric episode if Onion is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any other Steven-centric episode barring Sadie’s Song if Steven is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of rewatching Last One Out of Beach City if being charmed by friendship is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of Buddy’s Book if thematic resonance in regards to false narratives is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any episode of Craig of the Creek if kids playing outside is your jam. Only watch Onion Gang if you’re a glutton for punishment.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Part of me wants to rank this higher than Fusion Cuisine and House Guest, where I find more insulting mischaracterizations. But both of those episodes have enjoyable elements that are weighed down by lousy depictions of Connie and Greg; Garnet’s a riot in the former, and there’s a sweet song in the latter despite being muddled by context. Whereas there are no real bright spots in Onion Gang. It’s an unbearable eleven minutes that I’m never going to watch again.

Sadie’s Song is worse because it’s the worst Steven episode in the series and it misses the mark so much, and it’s important to Sadie’s arc so it’s harder to skip, which makes me resent it more. Island Adventure is worse because its moral is that abuse is a reasonable method of communication. But that’s all that’s stopping Onion Gang from reaching the very bottom.

The good news is that this is it for my No Thanks list, and while I might’ve had a bit of fun dissecting why I dislike Onion Gang so much, it bears saying that 6 stinkers in 180 episodes and a movie ain’t shabby.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

When It Rains

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure