#Just finished watching the series since a friend managed to find me a source online to watch

[swordsxandxshadows]

Sorry for such a low activity here guys, been playing catch up watching Rise! and over on my TMNT OC’s account @jxpxnese-txrtle ^^;

My muse for TMNT related stuff is strong...also resisting the urge to make a Rise!Raph account cause he’s my boi. That and I am a sorry shipper who wants to do some Rise!Raph x Rise!Yin stuff >>;;;;

[bubblyani]

Bail Out: 05

(Bruce Wayne x Reader)

A Bruce Wayne Multi Chapter Series

Chapter 05: “No Fun”

Summary: One fateful, drunken night gets you arrested for assault.  However, once you get bailed out by Billionaire Socialite Bruce Wayne,  surprising obstacles get in the way, forcing you to question all your  choices in life, career, and in love.

Word Count: 8500+

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Swearing and Slight Violence 

Author’s Note: So glad I could finish this on time. Now I’m impatiently working on the next part. When you read it, you will know why. Thanks again for the wonderful response. Enjoy!

Chapter LIST

The rapid sound of gunfire, infused with blood curdling screams, certainly forced your heart to beat right out of your chest. The beating, increased without any prior announcement shocked you, as if the live, blood pumping organ might literally fall out of your flesh vessel. The scene you witnessed, was never expected but only imagined in modes of fiction. Be it novels or films. However, when you truly got to taste it in the rusty reality, only then did you realize the gravity of its horror. And only then at that fateful moment, did you genuinely fear for your precious life.

Just when it seemed trouble had finally set you free.

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(A Few Days Earlier)

Allison Hughs was your quintessential fun-loving, living in the moment party girl with complete control over the pace of her existence. Apart from all that, she was also a loyal friend, blindly following you to the ends of the earth in ranting.

“SHE DID WHAT?”

Her inquiry was loud and dramatic, to which you nodded. “Yep” you replied, “She straight up went there…”

Safe to say, the ‘She’ that was being mentioned here was none other than Clara Bennett, the Consultant who slithered her way into Wayne Enterprises, solely to make exaggerated inspections on HR Operations, and to make your cooperate life a living hell, drenched with self-doubt and insecurity. It certainly traveled up a notch when she proactively invited you to take part in a Basic HR Crash Course, that was mainly designed to New Recruits. Simply because she assumed that you would find the Course ‘helpful’ to your own line of work. The fact she indirectly implied a trace of incompetence in you caused so much embarrassment.

“The hell is that bitch’s problem though?”

Allison kept inquiring, as she wiped off the milk from her lips, “Seriously…” she muttered, standing by the opened refrigerator in her pajamas.

“Yeah” you continued to nod, as you stuffed a spoonful of cereal into your mouth, “..and Lillian…being my senior since day 1, didn’t even treat me this way” you added, with a full mouth.

Already dressed for work, little did you expect to see Allison awake and engaged while you had your breakfast, “I look like a fucking joke…”you muttered, after finally gulping the food down.

“Hey!”

Allison cried, pointing her index finger at you, “Don’t you dare give up” she said with seriousness, standing before you, “You need to stand your ground and carry on with dignity…” she continued, her tone quite similar to a heroic speech, “Make Lillian proud she left you in charge…” she added, putting both hands on the table. Leaning forward, she took a closer look, “This will be good for you…” finally as her voice grew soft, she flashed a soft smile. You could not help but look at her affectionately, as you exhaled deeply.

“Talking to you makes me feel so much better…” you admitted. Pleased, Allison stood up straight.

“That’s why I’m your hype man, Sweetie!” she said, turning towards the window, “Watch out Gotham! The Bruiser is here to SLAY-”

“HEYYY!!-” your shushes exited along with your embarrassment. Your friend covered her mouth quickly.

“Sorry, Sweetie….” Allison whispered, taking the hands away, “But it just sounds so badass…” as her tone grew normal once more. You shot her a deranged look.

“Do I look like someone who deserves the name?” you inquired. “Well…” she said, folding her arms, “…the fact you punched that guy is a good enough reason…”

Shaking one’s head with a chuckle, you watched her head to the bedroom with a maniacal laughter. The sudden vibration of the table forced you to look down at your phone. The chuckling stopped, permitting your pulse to quicken with liberty. Rubbing your neck nervously, you proceeded to read the text from the only sender who was capable to send you through an emotional wild ride: Bruce Wayne.

Sorry, long night. Good Morning!

Pausing for a few seconds, you exhaled loudly as began to type:

No worries. Hope your day goes well, Mr. Wayne.

Being an appropriate response, you sent without hesitation. Long night?, could it possibly truly mean a hectic night of crime fighting and city saving in disguise? A strong urge suddenly arose to pull up the search browser on your phone, and type in the words: Batman. And what appeared first in the results certainly made your eyebrows rise with curiousity.

“Ali….” You yelled loud enough for her to hear, “You’ve heard of a website called… ‘Where’s the Bat’?

“EH?”

Her response was equally loud and echoing, “Oh yeah…” she added, whilst you opened the web page, “…Matty was talking about it sometime back…” she continued, “Some nerdy site about The Batman…”

“Damn!”

The word abruptly left your lips as your eyes widened. For you were treated to such a sight, “Ali…get this…” you said, proceeding to read the description of the page, “Welcome to ‘Where’s the Bat?’ Your Online Resource for all things Batman: Gotham’s Caped Crusader…” you squealed excitedly,  “Ha! It’s a freakin’ fan site! Oh! Oh!” you exclaimed as you continued to read out loud:

“… reliable sources from our very own admins and enthusiasts all over Gotham City…” with a whistle, you nodded, “These folks are not kidding around, huh?” you muttered, letting your finger slowly scroll down, “And they have posts on almost every appearance he made in the city…” you said out loud, yet it seemed that Allison was never interested. 

The Website backdrop was in black, but encompassing a very beautiful design concept. The immaculate detail was beyond believable. Detailed posts on possible weapons owned, vehicles, fighting styles and costume, Photos ranging from Low Quality to High, even blurry videos by camera phones, it was certainly a network of information. Your eyes widened when you saw the recent post title: 

Batman and The Bruiser?

“What the-?” Muttering to yourself, you clicked on the article.

“…also known as The Bruiser (Click Here for the Viral Clip) was spotted nearby when a group of muggers had reportedly attacked her. According to the anonymous source, Batman had arrived right on time. A clip of the incident may not be available, yet we did manage to find a small clip as he escaped the scene. And according to Gotham PD, the Caped Crusader had appeared once again to The Bruiser’s aid the night after. As much as we feel sorry for the bad luck The Bruiser attracts, we could only be nothing but envious of her opportunity to meet the Dark Knight twice. And some of us could not help but wonder: Could romance possibly be in bloom between the two?”

“What?” Nervous chuckles were all you let out as you whispered, “Hah! In your dreams, fanboys…” you uttered, closing the browser, “Batman would never go for a woman like me” you said, almost dropping the phone by its sudden vibration. For a reply was received.

You too. Stay out of trouble :)

“And you stay out of my head” you said to yourself, putting the phone back on the table. Covering your face, you could only groan with frustration. Ever since that evening at the hospital a mere week before, casual texts from Bruce Wayne began to appear on your phone, starting off on the very next day:

Couldn’t thank you for running that errand for Fox.

The errand, meaning the black box that Mr.Fox entrusted you with. A small yet long box which was quite light. The very box that granted you access to his penthouse and to the friendship with Alfred Pennyworth.

Just doing my job, Mr.Wayne.

You remember replying that day at office. It was not exactly necessary for him to thank you this way, yet his action was commendable. He did not hesitate to quickly respond:

Much appreciated.

Just when you thought it was the end, he greeted once again two days later. During an important meeting, for example:

Hi there! Is Ms.Foster enjoying the gift?

Once the meeting wrapped up, you made sure to respond :

Very much, from what I know. You’re making motherhood very easy for her.

You would be lying if you did not look forward to write him back. The manner your fingers tingled was quite evident. 

That’s a relief.

Clearly with his corresponding reply, he displayed quite an interest in conversing with you, by finding meager excuses to obtain your response. Yet, a part of you wondered what his actual intentions were. Be professional, a phrase that lingered in your head always. A warning, more like. As much as the desire to carry on the message thread was strong within, you did not reply back.

Two days passed, and surprisingly you were dying with curiousity. Could it be that his intention to communicate had finally gone? Or could it be that you were finally missing him? Forming a clever excuse to obtain his signature, you liaised with Jessica, only to find out Bruce Wayne was currently on a business trip in Singapore.

Intoxicated with impulsiveness, your thumbs grew stubborn as they formed a message on your phone:

Heard you’re in Singapore. How is it?

“Shit! Roaming Charges!”

You sighed, your palm slapped over your forehead. Putting the phone away to enjoy the view of the bus ride, you sincerely hoped he would never notice. But to your surprise, the phone vibrated instantly:

Loving the Food here.

Despite roaming charges, he was kind enough to reply. And that touched you very deeply. Then again, money was never an issue for a man of his stature. him. However, you were not Bruce Wayne. Still, a few extra dollars seemed nothing compared to the inner secretive joy you indulged in as you replied: 

Not surprised. The Bakkwa over there is to die for.

He did not reply. He did not do so for a day and two. You grew worried, if he was really knee deep in business, or literally knee deep in trouble. But the next morning, you were finally assured of his safe arrival back to Gotham, especially when you found a gift at the door. A Gift which came in the form of a beautiful red box full of Bakkwa, the Chinese sweet dried meat, one of your favorite treats. You did not miss the handwritten note inside:

You’re right. It IS to die for. - B.Wayne

Chuckling with happiness, you were only compelled to quickly text him a grateful reply:

The Bakkawa enthusiast sends her Thanks.

To which you finally received a reply this morning as you indulged on your cereal:

Sorry, long night. Good Morning!

Groaning in frustration seemed rightfully reasonable for you. Stressing out seemed rightfully reasonable as well. Who would not, when there was a storm that brewed inside of you. A storm of emotions that contained the sticky quality. The adhesiveness that was stubborn to the core. For if you look at the situation in it’s entirety, this was not your average instance of a man and woman forming a textual habit in order to know one another. You were an acting Head, informally socializing with the owner of Wayne Enterprises. Being in HR, you could already feel the weight of unprofessionalism heat on you. That guilt which already seemed to haunt you subtly. Thus, not responding further seemed logical, yet it certainly was a hard pill for you to swallow. 

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“You sure you don’t want anything? Coffee or Tea?”

You asked Officer John Blake, ushering him to his seat as you sat down. He shook his head.

“I’m good, Ma’am” he said with a smile. Smiling back, you were drenched with guilt. A week earlier, the police officer had requested to meet, yet with your unexpected work load, you reluctantly had to send him back the previous time. Forcing him to wait so long for a week was something you knew you would go to hell for. But John Blake did not judge, or as it seemed from his expression.

“Didn’t know you were running a tight ship here .” He said, looking back to witness the bustle in the main hall outside.

“Well, the Head’s on Maternity leave so…I’m stuck here, hehe…” You answered nervously, “Once again I’m so sorry Officer. You said it was something urgent?”

“It’s about the two attacks…” Blake said, capturing your attention. “Now I’m sure you’re probably wondering if those are simply coincidental or something more…”

“I honestly have been afraid to go down that rabbit hole, but yes I did wonder…” you replied. Looking sideways, he finally turned your way as his lowered his voice:

“I have reason to believe Erik Henderson may be connected to this…”

The image of the mocking man, and his bloody nose flashed before your very eyes. Given his anger, it could be a high possibility. Yet, you were in disbelief.

“What gave you the idea?” You inquired with curiousity. Blake kept his police his hat on his lap securely:

“The men who attacked you, the ones we arrested…” He said, to which you nodded in acknowledgment, “They were bailed out the very next day by-”

“-Henderson’s Legal Team?” You asked blankly, for you were still in disbelief. Blake nodded.

“I may be wrong” he said, “Bailing the people who attacked you, it could also just be a power move, maybe to scare you off…” he added, leaning forward, “So far we cannot be sure…” He continued, “But I think it’s best for you to keep an eye out-”

Your eyes suddenly darted towards the phone screen. For an email just appeared in your personal inbox with a title:

“Job Offer for General Manager”

Eyes widening, you were certainly not expecting that. Quiet for a few minutes, you found yourself staring at your own table, for you were confused beyond all measure with everything you just heard and saw.

“I’m sorry...” Blake began, shaking you from your thoughts, “ if I’m causing you any discomfort-”

“No…it’s alright” flipping the phone downward, you shook your head with a soft smile, “I just…all this was just so unexpected. Didn’t think there would be any possibility for anything like this, that’s all” you said, smiling even more, “I appreciate the information, Officer”

Truthfully, you were nothing but grateful to the man. Perhaps it was because he was the arresting officer who was in charge of that fateful night. Nevertheless, he was nothing but kind to you. Blake grinned widely.

“The Precinct still thanks The Bruiser for Common’s Coffee” He said, to which you were genuinely surprised.

“Oh! I’m glad-”

“BOSS!”

Greg’s cries forced both of you to look to the door. Distress never looked good on Greg. Giving a heavy sigh, he began:

“ I’m sorry to keep doing this but…” he said, “Clara’s gone off the rails!”

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As he made his way down the Lobby through the crowds, John Blake made his careful observations, fascinated by all that he glanced upon in the Wayne Tower. “Officer Blake!” Stopping in his tracks, John turned upon hearing a familiar voice. He smiled.

“Mr.Wayne…” He addressed,  “Didn’t expect to see you here” Smartly dressed in a pinstriped three piece suit, Bruce Wayne stood before the much younger man with a reciprocative smile.

“Well,” he began “You can’t just play hard….so…” Nodding in acknowledgment, Blake held on to his hat. With the silence between them growing longer, John began to speak:

“I’m actually just coming down after meeting one of your Senior Managers” He said, which caught Wayne’s attention.

“Who is…?”

When Blake provided him with the name, Bruce nodded nonchalantly. “Is this anything to do with the Henderson case?” He asked, suddenly growing serious. Surprised by his knowledge, the officer nodded.

“Yes….” Blake added. But then again, there was nothing to be surprised of. Given Wayne was in the hotel when it all happened. 

“How did she take it?” “Surprisingly pretty well” Blake said, as he began to walk alongside Wayne ,“But she seems to have her hands full today, doesn’t look too good” he sighed, involuntarily empathizing with her. And given Wayne’s subtle yet concerned expression, Blake realized he was not alone there. Finally reaching the exit, the officer was compelled to do the unexpected:

“Since you were a witness to the incident,..” he began, making Wayne look at him, “ I think it’s probably best that you also know…”

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You have always put your trust in Lillian Foster. That trust had lasted throughout your time in Wayne Enterprises without forsaking you for a mere second. Thus, you were certain she did the needful in approving the Revised Policies and Regulations before taking her leave. For you had personally witnessed it.

However, when a company email from Clara Bennett to Lucius Fox claimed HR was seemingly incapable of carrying out their operations under the current leadership, you were not surprised to find your anger making an appearance.

And the embarrassment you had to face when she even went so far as to copy you and your managers in to that said email. Professional was nowhere near this behavior. For this was simply child’s play. The panic all your department staff went through was understandable. Especially when they worked only to their very best.

“You wanted to me see me?”

Clara asked, as she entered your office. Raising your head up, you threw a cold expression her way: “Close the door please” Your tone was stern. Looking around, Clara furrowed her eyebrows. “But aren’t you supposed to-” “I’ll take my chances, Ms. Bennett” You interrupted her, lips forming a tight smile. With an uncertain nod, she closed the door shut, before taking a few steps towards you. Slowly getting up from your desk, you quickly walked over to her. It was now or never. “We saw that little email that you sent to Mr. Fox.” You stated, to which she did not flinch. Scoffing, your hands rested on your hips, “I know how things work: When people mess up, even after many warnings, they get complained about to the superiors…” you said in a matter-of-fact tone, “But…” you paused, as you were on a dire attempt not to explode, “how can you expect us...” Surprisingly you felt emotion trickling in, “...to take this lying down when you DIDN'T PERFORM EITHER OF THOSE ACTIONS?” With your voice surprisingly getting louder than expected, Clara found herself folding her arms in defense: “Look, I get it...” She said, her smile suddenly faded,  “You don’t like me snooping around” You scoffed in disbelief, “Ms.Bennett, this is not you snooping around. This is you desperately finding excuses to make US LOOK BAD” you stated loudly, “I mean…What exactly on the policies and regulations are you complaining about?” You inquired. And to your surprise, Clara grew quiet before she finally answered:

“I just...” she paused, as if she was seeking excuses,  “...don’t understand why the Policies couldn’t be circulated if they were revised” Your jaw dropped in disbelief, “What are you talking about??They were already revised and circulated” you answered with certainty, appalled by the childish games that were being played. “Well…” pausing again, “I don’t see them in the Public Folder”she said stubbornly, to which you sighed, rubbing your temples, “ And according to my sources, It’s Paula Yang’s  responsibility, am I right?” Though authority was rife in her tone, you could sense the menace that lingered invisibly.

“Ms. Bennett...” you gritted through your teeth, taking your hand away, “Paula is on bed rest after breaking HER LEG...from a biking accident last weekend” you burst out, “...if you looked up on our employees with the SAME ENTHUSIASM you did on our work, then you would probably know that” you spat, fuming with anger,  “But If you expect me to deprive her of her paid leave, JUST SO she could just limp over here to UPLOAD SOME POLICIES to a server? then you’re sorely mistaken! ” You cried out, panting.

Subtly shocked at your response, Clara stood silently. Given her reaction, it was quite evident something disastrous would soon follow. Your threw your hands up in defense.

“Fine” you said, “If you prefer to pin this error on me, please do. But… not the department” you said, as your voice grew soft , “...please” you breathed. Closing her eyes for a few seconds, Clara opened them once again, shooting you a stern glance.

“Do you know…what I was told about you before I came here?” She posed a rhetorical question, to which you rightfully did not answer to, “An unprofessional thug, with anger issues.” She said.

In all your years of working at Wayne Enterprises, this was the far from what you had ever heard from anyone. The silence ruled over the atmosphere for a few more seconds.

“So I came in with a mission...” Clara went on, “...to tame you. Or to rile you up enough to expose who you really were” she said harshly. Folding your own arms in defense, you took a deep breath:

“Well,” you began, “I believe I was angry For the right reasons. So no regrets here” you answered with confidence. Whatever consequence that may follow, you were not aware of, for your justified rage may possibly have outdone yourself this time. You only wished Lillian would forgive you.

“But…” Clara paused, “...from the way you stood up for your employees and your department…,” she said, as her expression softened, “ I guess… I was badly misinformed.” Confusion took over you for the next few seconds, as she looked straight into your eyes before taking in a deep breath:

“I’m sorry!” Your eyes widened, “P-Pardon?” Sighing, Clara reluctantly rubbed the sides of her thighs: “I’m sorry…If I insulted you in any way” she said shyly in a low tone, “Honestly speaking, no matter how much I tried to deny it, everything seems to be running smoothly” She added. 

Relief quickly washed over you. Leaving you questioning reality all the sudden. “ I would gladly leave you all alone but..,” Clara smiled, “I’ve been contracted here for a while. So, I hope we can all cooperate together till I leave. Maybe a fresh start?”

Extending her hand to you, she presented a genuine smile. A smile possibly carrying hope to gain your trust. Sincerely impressed by her bravery, you smiled back: “Sure, Apology accepted” You said, shaking her hand, “I really appreciate it, Ms.Bennett”

“Clara, Please.” She insisted, “Ms.Bennett just pisses me off even more”

Chuckling together, you nodded, “Okay, Gotcha”

The phone rang loud to your surprise. Giving her a friendly wave, you quickly moved to your desk in a cheerful manner, growing even more cheerful upon seeing the extension on the phone screen.

“Mr. Fox!” You answered, as you sat down, “How can I help you?”

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Since the fateful day she first laid eyes on him in his glorious return to Wayne Enterprises until now, Jessica would certainly never not blush whenever Bruce Wayne politely greeted her. Upon seeing her red face, he stepped into Lucius Fox’s office, walking over to find the CEO on the phone wearing a smile on his face.

“Don’t worry about it.” Fox said over the phone, “So you’ll come? Perfect…” He smiled, nodding at Wayne as he finally appeared in his eye line, “Hope to see you then” He added, hanging up the phone.

“I have to admit…” Fox began, ushering Bruce to sit, “… seeing you here every day at Wayne Tower is a happy surprise” He said. Bruce smiled.

“Everything alright?” He asked the CEO, “The Audits aren’t happening till another month or so..”

“No…” Fox shook his head, surprisingly impressed, “ I was actually wondering if you would…like to join me in the Company Dinner, this Thursday night. It’s a little gathering I normally do with the Heads of Departments...” he continued, glancing upon Wayne’s confused expression, “...to form a closer bond and… give them morale” He said, tilting his head. As much as the sentiment was kind, Wayne sighed with exhaustion.

“Mr.Fox, you know very well how I rather be stuck in the basement than go to that…” he said, slowly getting up, “I’m afraid I’ll have to pass”. Offering a polite smile, he turned around to make his leave. When opportunities to make a choice were given, he would certainly rather choose to not wear that mask in public. It tired him.

“She’s coming too”

Bruce froze, the moment Fox’s words reached his ears. Turning to him, he raised his eyebrows.

“She?” He began, “You mean…she?” He asked, highly emphasizing on the said pronoun, for both of them knew the person being discussed.

“Yes” Fox said, “Just got off the phone with her as you came in” he added, “I just thought you would like to know” with nonchalance, he casually put on his glasses.

Silently nodding, Bruce turned back to resume walking. Only except he halted once again, just to spin back around smoothly.

“Thursday…what time?” He inquired with genuine curiousity.

Being a man of his age, Lucius Fox could not help but smile at his response.

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Being the workaholic, Lunch Breaks was nothing short of special for you. The moment the last bite of your delicious meal reached your lips, it was off to work once again, giving you ample time to finish your tasks. But this Wednesday, you cast that usual habit away, taking the luxury you rarely took during this entire decade.

Just to decide on a dress.

With your lunch on the desk and Allison on speakerphone, your eyes moved back and forth from two beautiful dresses on the website. With Mr. Fox casually inviting you to the Company Dinner, all you longed to provide was a good impression. Most women in your position would feel greatly pressured and stick to a salad just to fit into the dress. However, you were far too greedy to ignore the great Spaghetti Bolognese that was on the table before you.

“Sweetie, You know I love you, So why won’t you fucking listen to me?”

Allison’s echoed out loud, as you stared at the screen with concern. “Cause it’s a crazy idea, that’s why ” you said, stuffing pasta into your mouth, “Better go with the black one…” you said with a full mouth, pointing at the long sleeved black dress, “It’s tame, and I can just blend in with crowd” squinting, you attempted at imagining yourself in the outfit.

“Boo! BORING”

Allison’s response was quite obvious.

“Hey!” Clara’s whisper reached your ears, urging you to find her standing by the door with a smile. Ever since the intervention, the atmosphere underwent a surprising change, and all was well with the both of you. It was quite unbelievable how cooperative she had become. “I’m sorry but...could I borrow a twenty?” She asked politely in a whisper, all in order not to intrude your call. “Sure…” You whispered back, reaching into your bag to grab your purse, “Hah! Lucky you, that’s all I have” You grinned, fishing out the only dollar note as she headed over to take it from your hand.

“Hey!  Hey! Sweetie, Did I lose you?”

Allison’s voice brought you back to the phone call. “No! No! You didn’t…Sorry! Argh!” Groaning in frustration, you looked back at the computer screen, “I don’t know what to do, Ali…” You muttered.

“What is it?” With her still standing there, Clara finally asked out loud. She genuinely looked concerned. Embarrassed, you pointed at the screen.

“No it’s just…” you paused, “I have to go to this Cooperate Dinner thingy tomorrow, and I don’t know what to get…” you added, “…the Black or the White”.

Silent for a few seconds, you stared at Clara as she rubbed her chin with seriousness, while making a careful observation at the screen. Finally, her fingers snapped loudly.

“The White One…” Confidence oozed out of her voice as she replied. Looking back at the dress, you took a deep breath. V neck on the front along with a low cut in the back, the pure white silk evening gown certainly possessed the potential to be a show stopper.

“I mean…Why be afraid to stand out?”

Clara’s words, they rang in your ears so loudly. Pointing at the dress, she continued: 

“Wear this, and No one will be able to take their eyes off you” The manner in which she uttered, you were suddenly filled with enough power to head out to the battlefield. Her words, they were simply invisible embellishments to the dress, making it the armor and the secret weapon. It simply became powerful. And finally, you were convinced on which dress to finally purchase. Lips forming into a warm smile, you thanked her inaudibly.

“YAY!” Allison cried out on the line, “Whoever just said that, I agree with you” Chucking, Clara cleared her throat and looked at your mobile phone.

“Hey there…It’s Clara by the way…” she said to Allison. You suppressed a huge grin as you imagined Allison’s surprise upon hearing that.

“Oh…YOU’RE Clara?…” she said, pausing, “Well I like how you think, Clara” she said happily afterwards. Relieved by the sight of both your best friend and your new friend being acquainted, your eyes moved back to the beautiful dress. 

“Wear this, and No one will be able to take their eyes off you”

Clara may be right. But you were a simple woman, and your wishes were just as simple. Little did anyone know how your heart simply longed for just one person to indulge your presence for the entire evening. But the possibility of that, was just your wishful thinking. You could only hope for the evening be as successful as imagined. As long as it had the perfect touch of jazz piano playing in the background.

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With notes played with the fluidity of a free flowing stream, the jazz piano music was certainly better tonight than it was that Friday evening weeks ago. With tonight, you only hoped to replace the horrid memory of violence that linked the genre of music with an evening more refined. For tonight, you were no violator, nor a drunkard. You were merely a lady in a beautiful, silk dress.

Walking through the Lobby in your silver open toe heels, you came into the realization of how the dress simply became you. Contrary to your fears, it embraced your curves effortlessly, while the material was kind to you, caressing and cooling your skin.The dress itself contained a sense of assurance you would most likely receive from a trusted friend, some good Samaritan, kindly whispering positive affirmations. Fashioning the outfit with your Mikimoto pearls, you felt you were prepared enough.

You were punctual, fortunately. Lillian would have been proud. When you arrived at the reserved table, the other Heads were just about to take their seats. Cold, curt nods were passed on to you the moment they caught sight of you. Lucius Fox, however was humble enough to smile widely upon seeing you.

“I appreciate you coming in tonight…” He stated, as he politely ushered you to your seat, which granted you access between him and Head of Legal, Ted’s Boss, “This is usually Lillian’s gig” he said.

“Yes I heard,” you agreed while sitting down together, “And she does it flawlessly”

“I think you’ll be able to hold off your own” Fox assured, quite impressed by your appearance tonight. You smiled.

“Thank you, Mr. Fox” you nodded, looking at him, until he suddenly rose from his own chair. 

“Ah! The man of the hour”

He said as  he looked ahead, “…so glad you could come, Mr.Wayne” 

The mere mention of that man’s name made you turn forward in a flash. Bruce Wayne was simply Suave incarnate. He certainly brought forth great depth to his presence everywhere he set foot on. You swore the airways inside began to dry out as your breath was taken away in secret. However, that breath was quickly stomped and discarded recklessly when you realized he was no alone. With a beautiful woman on his arm, he arrived at the table.

When that strong, sour feeling came over you, you were mature enough to admit it was simple jealousy. Yet then again, the playboy lifestyle certainly was demanding. The flashing smile Bruce wore slightly disappeared , when his eyes met yours from the corner of the table. With your sour jealousy stewing you, it was a sheer relief that he took his seat on the other far corner.

“Really Mr .Wayne, This is such a pleasant surprise” Mr. Kline, Head of Accounting mentioned with joy.

“Well, Mr. Fox is getting better with power of persuasion, I suppose ” Wayne said, looking at Lucius, “So...” rubbing his hands together, he smiled, “What are we all having? My treat...” 

To everyone’s delight, the night certainly started off on a positive note. According to the trusted word of Lucius Fox, Sushi was the prime choice of food on every single dinner . It was the shared interest with all the Heads by coincidence. Thus, becoming a tradition.

Fortunately for you, you knew your way with Japanese cuisine enough to save your face. Wine and Sake were in abundance in the table, leaving most of the Heads and Wayne’s date quite excited with intoxication. It was certainly a surprise for you, to see the Heads break out into wide smiles and childish attitudes once the alcohol entered their systems. They did not speak much with you, which you were fine with. You were the new one there , after all. But with Fox next to you, you felt a fatherly figure watched over you. You listened to him with earnest, which was not so difficult with his charismatic voice.

You also longed for a distraction. A strong distraction from Bruce Wayne’s eyes secretly claiming ownership over you the entire time. Could he be watching Fox? Or you? You honestly did not know. As much as your inner heart jumped for Joy by the thought of him watching you, confusion ruled supreme.

The turn of the conversation topic from Work to Sailing suddenly tempted the Heads call Mr Fox over to the other side, forcing him and Bruce to change seats instead. His date did not even notice, as she was busy engrossed in her phone. Though you were at your element, calmly eating your maki rolls in silence, your heart beat increased in an instant when his presence nearby was confirmed. His aura gently murmured a greeting of affection, urging you to look up from your plate. Covering your mouth, you politely swallowed the food. With the others engaged in their own little world, it seemed that you and Bruce were suddenly left to yourselves.

“Thank you again for the Bakkwa”

You began, clearing your throat “…it was heavenly” you said, smiling whilst flashing your full red lips. Smiling back warmly, he leaned forward to the table.

“I don’t wanna brag but...” he paused, “I found that store all by myself” He said softly, as it was a dramatic secret. Eyes widened, you played along: “Oh! I find that hard to believe” You said, chuckling.

“Ask me the address, I dare you” He said blankly, making you chuckle harder. Nodding, you generously accepted his kindness. Be it text or face to face, talking to Bruce Wayne symbolized pure joy to you.

“Well, well, well…”

An eerie voice, a voice that haunted your intoxicated memories, and a voice that caused the hairs of the back of your neck to stand. It was a voice you knew well. So bloody well.

“Isn’t this a surprise?”

The entire table looked over to find Erik Henderson. With a gracefully beautiful and age appropriate woman standing beside him, Henderson was as smug as he could be. “Mr. Henderson...” Fox said. Henderson looked right at him. “Lucius...” He uttered, without casting a single glance at Bruce Wayne. The sight of him brought a sense of fear to you. According to Officer Blake, he could very much be responsible for all the attacks you were victim to during the past few weeks. The possibility was high. Thus, the intimidation was justified. Funny how the intoxicated group of Heads managed to maintain their frozen states for a few seconds. As if their buzz was killed right off.

“Well,..” Henderson began, maintain his unimpressed expression,  “I wish you all have a pleasant evening” He stressed , slowly turning to leave. “And You!” A gasp left you the moment he spun back to point his index finger at you with such ferocity and anger. With bated breath, you wondered if time froze. Until he suddenly smiled at you. “You behave now...” He said mockingly, chuckling with power as he finally left the table. With the awkward silence taking control, embarrassment injected itself into you. The way he spoke to you was certainly disrespectful. So much so, your right hand quickly clenched into a tight fist , forcing you to revisit the trauma even now by his cruel words. All your anger, centralized into this fist.

But that anger suddenly vanished into thin air, the moment you felt Bruce’s palm rest over your fist. A literal warmth spread across every cell on your being, as his palm comforted you, and empathized with you more than ever. A few seconds of that sent you to a level of peace you never visited. The fact that a man such as he was with his inner conflicts could still heal you unexpectedly, it was magic to you. Finally looking at him, you nodded with gratefulness, leading him to take his away politely.

With silence still in charge, you were guilty of your past actions ruining tonight’s occasion as well. “Maybe it’s the alcohol but...” Kline slowly began, “...that Henderson’s face always reminds me of an…animal…” he remarked, breaking the ice, “l can’t place which one exactly...” He struggled, snapping his fingers away to remember. “A Bat?” Another Head inquired. “YES!” Kline yelled out loud, causing others to finally laugh and feel the comfort take center stage once more. Letting out a sigh, you were relieved to let them converse and make merry. You were occupied enough, recovering from Bruce’s sudden touch. “...and speaking of Bats...” Kline slurred out, “That Batman fella...” “-He comes up every time…” Fox yelled towards your direction with a sigh, while the others clapped in glee. Being so popular, it was no surprise that many consider Batman to be a celebrity of his own right. “-wonder if he ever has any off days?” Kline sniggered, red in the face with sake. “Ha! Like paid leave, you mean?” “And don’t forget insurance! Boy! that man needs a big one” “Hahaha!” “Mr.Wayne! Mr. Wayne!” Kline yelled at Bruce, “Any idea about him from the grapevine ?” He inquired. “What?” Bruce asked, “…that Looney!?!” He added with an amused smile, “Eh! Not interested” he replied with an unimpressed tone. “Why?” It seemed that everyone was curious. Even you were. “Because...” Bruce paused, “Well…he’s a Looney! That’s all….” he laughed, shaking his hand in the air with dismissal. His carefree laughter infected the others, except you. As you were too occupied observing him, you could not even focus. He may have not worn the cowl, but he was certainly wearing his mask. Noticing your stare, Bruce turned to find your face filled with a soft smile.

“You really don’t mean that about the guy, right?” You murmured softly. And all the sudden, that carefree expression of his slowly melted away to reveal his true form, unmasked. “No” Calm and collected, he shook his head with a gentle smile. A sudden urge to embrace him was birthed in you for some reason, it was certainly out of your control. “Hey! Lillian’s Backup!” You jumped upon hearing Kline call you out loudly. With all eyes on landing towards your direction, you quickly sat up straight, “What’s your take on him? The Batman?” Kline inquired informally. “Oh!” Pleasantly surprised, you were speechless for a few seconds. What were you to say really? “I -I rather not say...” you admitted, as you found yourself chuckling shyly. “Eh!” Kline muttered, seemingly unamused, “She’s no fun”he claimed,  “…not like Lillian now, is she?” The others hummed together in agreement. They may have gotten lost in their own world of conversation once again. Yet, the words Kline blurted affected you deeply. “Well….” You sighed, “Nothing I haven’t heard before”   “What is…?” Bruce’s inquiry made you look at him. Placing both your elbows on the table, you took a deep breath as you kept a brave, fixed gaze at him:

“You’re.. no… fun”

You said, in a low yet strong tone as you emphasized on every word with pain, “…that one”

“I find that hard to believe” Bruce said. He did not flinch. Instead, he accepted your stare and held on to it firmly. Even with the golden lights you were still able to make out the beautiful hazel green eyes of his up close. His gaze, it was as powerful as anything physical. As if his eyes could caress the back of your neck, brushing the loose hair from it, leaving nothing but shivers on you.

Finally breaking free from it, you sat back with a chuckle.

“Well” you began, “…you obviously haven’t met my ex”

You watched his eyebrows furrow the moment those words exited you. Taking a huge sip of wine, you pressed your lips together.

“He said I fall too fast....” you began, “or care too much...or something”

Revisiting that dark period in your life was akin to walking a thousand miles backwards, just to get your heart pricked by sharp, rusted nails. The mere image of it forced you to gulp more wine.  

“Well, Where is he now?”

Bruce asked softly. Taking a third sip, you looked back at him:

“You mean after he cheated on me?” You asked, chuckling sadly, “…He flew off somewhere…with his new girlfriend” you said, sighing “Apparently I was too predictable and doesn’t play hard to get”

“Then…” Bruce began, “…what about you throwing punches at Henderson?”

“That?” You widened your eyes, “Oh that’s just the whiskey”

Laughter ensued, breaking the tension between the two once again. Truthfully, you felt much at ease right then.

“I bet you don’t have that problem, playing the field and all” You said, holding on to your wine glass. Bruce smiled.

“Ah! Getting too attached doesn’t help anyone, I guess” he answered. And for some reason, you could empathize. Now more than ever.

“True...” you agreed, looking at him. However, that warmth you carried for him was also enlarged, and suddenly emotion overpowered logic.

“I know this is the corniest you’ve heard always….” you paused, “…but when the right person comes along...it’s so worth it” you continued, taking a deep, shaky breath, “…even if your heart gets broken into millions...billions of pieces”

Your eyes locked onto his with every word you uttered, and to your surprise, he did not look away. For a moment, his gaze on you translated into deep belief. For a Moment, his gaze dismissed every other occupant in the restaurant,  except you. For a moment his silence proved that anything was possible.

Until you realized, never was life that easy.

“But like I said…” You added, blinking away the heavy stare, “... it’s not your problem” You said, fiddling with your clutch purse mindlessly.   “Actually I-” “Whoops!” You sniggered when the clutch purse dropped out of your hand. Laughing together, you both found yourselves bending down to search for it.

“Let Me get that-” Bruce volunteered, as he spotted the purse, grabbing it for you.

“Thank you” You murmured shyly, reaching out your hand to take it.

The mere act of a clutch purse being transferred from one hand to another never felt this intense. A circus act commenced inside your stomach all the sudden. The manner you found yourself blushing, certainly proved his effect as a whole. The warmth of his palm earlier, it brought protection and comfort in the time of danger. However, the slightest brush of his fingers just now, it birthed confetti of butterflies, causing the internal circus to go berserk.

As he looked you up and down, you prayed he did not notice the red on your cheeks. For this man had such power over you, it was sheer chaos. But a beautifully, addictive one.

“Your Dress...” he breathed, making your own breath shake, “You look very-” “Bruce!” A seductive voice emerged out of the blue, as you realized it was his date walking over to his side. Being one of Gotham’s most well known supermodels, she exuded beauty with her tall and thin frame and brunette locks flowing down her shoulders. Wrapping her goddess-like arms around his neck, she whispered a few words to him before heading over to the restroom area. Compared to her, you felt like a little cinder block. “She’s beautiful...” you muttered hoarsely, looking down at your wine. You heard him sigh uncomfortably. “Listen...” Bruce began, causing your heart to long for hope, “I-” “Would you like anything else, Sirs?” The emotional roller coaster unexpectedly finished its ride when an over enthusiastic waiter’s loud voice caused everyone in the table to look up. “No, Thank you...” Fox said, slowly getting up, “Actually, I think might head home now” “And I will join you” You said, standing up in a flash, “Ladies, Gentleman...” you nodded to the Heads, “...Mr. Wayne” Giving him a slight nod, you turned to follow Lucius Fox. You dared not turn back to see his face. That would just show weakness. Just walk away, it was the right thing to do. The longer you will linger, the stronger your attachment will be. The stronger your need to love him will be. And what would be the use of strengthening that existing love, when the odds were always in the way?

Seduced by the women with the highest standards of beauty and power, you obviously must seem like nothing for a man such as he. You were simply charity, the employee in need. Perhaps your ex was right, You really were no fun.

Besides, being jealous was never your right, not especially when you did not even pour your heart out. And when you would not even consider doing so, being tied to morals, ethics and rules?

And if he even had not shown you his own heart, what gave you the right to be angry with anyone, except yourself?

You asked yourself, why were you wasting your time?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Allison’s eyes grew wide with excitement the moment you arrived home.

Clutching onto her bowl of popcorn, she watched you close the door and lean against it to look back at her. Though her hair was in a messy bun, she still managed to pull off ‘homely cool’.

“So...” she began softly, “How did it go?” Silent, You took a deep breath, not knowing where to begin. “Well-” “-Did you make Wayne cream his pants?” Allison cut you off with glee, seemingly over excited. Jaw dropped, your face contorted with disgust. “Ali! …ewww” You exclaimed, seeing her perverted expression and suggestive eyebrows. Truthfully the thought of it brought some laughter soon after. You felt calmer. “Well, did he?” Allison was persistent. Pushing yourself from the door, you began to take off your shoes, “Well…” You paused, “I think he liked what he saw” you said smiling shyly. “Yeah?” Her excitement still intact, as you sat next to her.

“I think so…” you said, reminiscing those precious moments his blessed eyes watched only you, “…but…” you paused, “it doesn’t matter…”, Sighing, you shook your head frantically, “…cause he was with a Supermodel tonight so...” “Supermodel? Sweetie, I’m sorry” laying her head on your shoulder, Allison sighed in response. Patting her on the lap, you got up. Just like that, the little giddy excitement between two women suddenly crashed and burned upon knowing they were hopeless going against a supermodel.

“Hey! by the way…” Allison began, “…did you give money for Mrs. Hernandez’s going away party?”

You froze.

“Shit!” You cried out, “ I forgot!”

Mrs. Hernandez was one of the lovely tenants in the apartment building who will be moving out this week to go live with her son. All tenants were supposed to pool in for the going away party, today being the deadline. Opening your purse with haste, you groaned. “Damn it! I don’t have any change...” Of course you did not. Not when you gave away your last note to Clara yesterday. With the current use of cards and e-payment, you rarely used cash these days.

“Me neither, Sweetie” Allison replied, mindlessly staring at the television. You sighed. Transferring the money will not do as it wont be convenient for the others. And being a bad tenant was the last thing on your mind.

“Screw it!” You said, “I’ll just go get some now”   Running to your room, you proceeded to change.

“Cool…” Allison uttered quietly, until she remembered, “By the way, can you also get milk?”Allison yelled to your room,  “WE’RE OUT ALREADY!!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If wearing an elegant dress brought out the glamorous woman in you, then leggings and an oversized black hoodie brought out the homebody. With the hood over your head, you dug your hands in the deep pockets whilst standing at the line for the ATM. What was taking so long?

Almost 11pm, yet the neighborhood was bustling more than usual. In fact, it fascinated you. Younger folk in higher numbers lingered hanging about by the Bodega. You wondered if a party was taking place somewhere nearby, as most of them wore clothes with a similar vibe. Some danced to the loud music that played, some drank sitting on the pavement, while some lined up in front of you in the ATM line. Was it a party? Or a flashmob? Or were you suddenly intruding the filming of a music video? It simply seemed so unrealistic. Could it be the sake and wine were forcing you to imagine all this?

Then moment your phone started to ring, you knew you were not imagining. Not when the phone vibrated in your hand, not when the name of the caller caused you to breath deeply.

“Mr.Wayne?”

His breath over the phone sent shivers down your spine so subtly. Attraction was indeed a strange phenomenon.

“Hey! Did you go home okay?” 

He asked. Nodding, you looked around.

“Of course.” You replied, “Mr. Fox was kind enough to drop me straight home”

“Good. Good,” As he muttered in a rush, you heard him exhale, “ Listen, can we talk? ”

Nervousness took you over with a sudden burn in your face. What must he wish to say? Was he attempting to confirm what you already dread about? Was he fully acknowledging your desires to be futile and hopeless? You kept quiet as he continued:

“About tonight…I really-” he paused, “Where are you?” The loud cheers of some of the younger folk interrupted the conversation. Amongst the crowd, a lone figure walked over to the middle of the street.

“I’m at the Bodega nearby my place” you replied, trying to be nonchalant with him. However, somehow that lone figure standing managed to capture your attention, "Huh! Strange...”

“What is it?”

Your eyebrows furrowed the moment the figure turned to face your direction. Familiarity was quite strong in him. “There’s this guy here…” you said, “… who looks just like-”

You froze, “Oh no!” You breathed.

The moment the figure effortlessly pulled out a portable machine gun from his oversized long coat, it clearly dawned on you on who he really was:

“Mr. Slender?” You muttered to yourself.

Pointing the weapon upwards, loud and rapid shots were fired, causing panic amongst the public. The shock forced your hands to lose control, almost dropping your phone to the ground.

“Hello? Hello?”

You heard Bruce loud and clear, yet you were not in the right state of mind to respond. The chaos, certainly forced your heart to beat right out of your chest. The beating, increased without any prior announcement shocked you, as if the live, blood pumping organ might literally fall out of your flesh vessel.

“EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND, NOW!”

Mr.Slender bellowed, finally revealing his masculine and controlled voice. The public, including those inside the Bodega made their way to the ground. With Mr. Slender’s reinforcements inside the building, it was made sure no one were to reach out for law enforcement any time soon. Just when it seemed all had complied to his command, one obstinate young man rose up quickly.

“Hey man!” The man cried out, walking over to him, “Be cool…Be-”

“I SAID ON THE GROUND!”

Blood curdling screams erupted from the crowd when Mr.Slender brutally fired at the man, sending him flying back, falling on to the ground like a bloody piece of meat. Given the continuous reactions from the people nearby, he was certainly dead. Emptiness and fear swallowed you whole upon witnessing this.

“DON’T EVEN THINK OF BEING STUBBORN!! ”

Mr.Slender yelled out, brandishing his gun around, “MY DEMANDS ARE SIMPLE...”

He continued, “I’M LOOKING FOR ONE PARTICULAR PERSON…” he said, “AND I WILL NOT LEAVE…UNTIL THAT PERSON STEPS FORWARD!!”

Scenes such as these, they were never expected but only imagined in modes of fiction. Be it novels or films. However, when you truly got to taste it in the rusty reality, only then did you realize the gravity of its horror. And only then at that fateful moment, did you genuinely fear for your precious life.

Especially when the person he was looking for, was you.

——————————————————

Chapter 6 HERE

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Kisekae Insights #24: GJ Club - how a spinon became a spinoff featuring Kyōya and Kasumi Shinomiya

(Art by 結城辰也)

The Kisekae Insights series has allowed me to bring the spotlight back on Waifu Network animes that I haven’t posted much about in the past due to lack of fanart or lack of interest. Like Hidamari Sketch in the last instalment, GJ Club will be no exception until I continue posting the usual content in my anime posts. Honestly, it was good while it lasted.

While Hidamari Sketch is a fairly popular and notable anime, GJ Club, sadly, isn’t. The anime was adapted from the light novel series written by Shin Araki and it only received one 12-episode season in 2013 and an OVA in 2014. Since it is a slice-of-life series, not much is known about the characters’ histories, which made it very easy to adapt into my personal project. All these factors coinciding with it being the 50th anniversary year of Doctor Who made GJ Club the perfect anime to adapt and expand on.

Background information

For some reason, the light novel has been a bit hard to find. In short, while you are able to read it online, the sources are unfortunately scarce.

From 2013 to 2015, NanoDesu Translations posted translations of the light novel. They published a PDF and EPUB of the first volume (which is available on archive.org) and translated up to Chapter 17 of the second volume. It was then abandoned for two years before Haraguro Scanlations picked it up. As of September 2018, they only finished up to Chapter 3 of the third volume (with the first chapter being translated by Shadowys on Baka-Tsuki) and there are no further updates after that, with the exception of a one-off chapter released in November 2020.

As of August 2021, however, all the original translations by NanoDesu seem to have been deleted from their site. All the translations are available on AsiaNovel, but there are no illustrations because the reader doesn’t seem to support images. If the images weren’t discarded in the code of the novels, then all they would need to do is add support for them and then they would appear.

There are 9 volumes and two special volumes for GJ Club along with 8 volumes and a special volume for its middle school spinoff. It’s honestly telling how popular the series was when the translators have all but abandoned it.

Shin Araki also wrote an additional spinoff to GJ Club, namely GE: Good Eater, and a sequel, namely KB Club. GE is set in a fantasy world with the characters being based off the characters of GJ Club, while KB Club turns everything meta by having both series be the creations of a high school light novel club, with the characters of GJ Club being based off the members of said club, right down to their names. Honestly, I’m not a big fan of that approach given how I’ve adapted GJ Club into my personal project. In the end, I guess we’ll never really know what happens in the novels, but at least we have this.

Watching the anime and listening to the character music was how I first realised that anime was sexist to males because of the female-centric focus in most animes. Kyōya only gets one character song in the series, and even then it’s a duet with Megumi. If that isn’t sexist to you, then I don’t know how I can convince you that a lot of animes are sexist.

In January 2015, I published two posts outlining my idea for an English dub of the series that also fits with GJ Club’s depiction in my personal project. The setting would be changed to London, England, specifically the areas of Chiswick, Ealing and Acton (where their school is located) and the characters would speak with British accents. The images in the original post are dead because I idiotically copied the images from the site instead of saving and reuploading them to the post, but since I’m grubbing for content anyway, I’m going to repost my character details as follows:

Kyōya: The protagonist of the series. When he started Year 10, he was kidnapped by the girls when he walked into an old school building, hoping to find the Culture Club. He moved to London from Manchester just before he started Year 7. His best friend outside the club is someone named Tesshin Yokomizo (横溝徹心) who is a local and not seen in the anime. In the GJ Club, he is nicknamed “Kyoro” and despite his spinelessness, he seems to have talent in dealing with the girls around him. His birthday is December 18. Due to a crisis involving his family during his childhood, he and his sister Kasumi were left in the care of a family guardian just before they moved to London, but she left when Kyōya started Year 10. It might have been that childhood incident that emotionally scarred him and left him spineless…

Mao: The Year 11 president of the GJ Club. Her family is rich and they live in a mansion in Ealing. She has a habit of biting and picking on Kyōya when she is bored or angry. She always reads books and watches shows without kissing scenes.

Shion: The only daughter in her family, Shion is an expert chess player with many brothers, all experts in some kind of activity. She speaks in a Birmingham (Brummie) accent because her mother and a few of her brothers were born in Birmingham. It is unknown if Shion was born in Birmingham herself.

Megumi: The calm and nice middle sister of the Amatsuka family. She likes knitting and she is always seen making tea and cakes in the club room. In the same year level as Kyōya.

Kirara: Born in Swansea, Wales, Kirara is the tallest and strongest member of the club. She speaks English in simple, monotone sentences. Welsh is her first language. Kirara can be seen eating meat, sometimes sharing it with Kyōya, but not with anyone else. She is afraid of spiders and has little tolerance to alcohol.

Tamaki: (voiced by Karen Gillan!) The newest member of the GJ Club when Kyōya becomes a Year 11 student. Like Kyōya, she is kidnapped and forced to join the club. Her nickname is “Tama”. Her family is from Glasgow and they run a Shinto shrine in Acton. She has several younger siblings.

Kasumi: Kyōya’s younger sister, who was born in Manchester. After a visit to the GJ Club, she becomes inspired to start a middle school division when she starts Year 7. She has a brother complex and she mistook Mao for being a primary school student when she met her. Her proficiency in Welsh is better than her brother’s, who can probably speak at a beginner level.

Geraldine: Shortened to “Jill”. She moved to Chiswick from Swansea to be with her sister, Kirara. She first met Kyōya at Ealing Broadway Station when she had difficulty buying a Tube ticket. She didn’t really understand how to use the ticket machine, so Kyōya went to help her. After this, Jill considered Kyōya her “samurai master”. Jill doesn’t speak English fluently, so she relies on her whiteboard to communicate with the others. She is as strong as her sister and she joins Kasumi’s GJ Club when she starts Year 7 in Chiswick.

Seira: The youngest sister of the Amatsuka family. Though she speaks in a typical London accent, she sometimes talks through her cat clip in Received Pronunciation (the Queen’s English/RP) using ventriloquism to state her true feelings to Kyōya, who she has a grudge against.

Mori: The maid of the Amatsuka family. She likes to ride a motorcycle.  A running gag is her twirling before Kyōya much to his pleasure and annoyance to the rest of the club members. Sometimes, her mother takes her place without the family even noticing due to their identical appearance.

Kyōya, Kasumi and Momoka: The Brother, the Child and the Yandere

Normally in previous instalments, I would have described each character separately, but because their backstories are heavily intertwined, I will introduce them all at once in this section. Most of the backstory takes place around the Battle of Koshi Castle in December 2013 and during the Manchester Campaign of 2005-2013, which I have already covered in #15.

When Hiroki Ichigo’s twelfth incarnation was killed at Koshi Castle, he managed to escape in his TARDIS, where he regenerated into his new prototype, namely a four-year-old Kyōya. The TARDIS crashes outside North Manchester General Hospital on 11 December 2005.

Earlier, Hiroki and Akari’s gametes (along with those of Hiroki’s brothers and their families) were taken by Reona Yukawa and placed in the Progenitor so that they could breed super-soldiers out of them. When Takumi Kamijō and Kyōko Sakura manage to escape from their cells (saving Nodoka Manabe and Azusa Nakano in the process), he changes the destination of the baby about to be released into the Progenitor’s time portal. That baby was Kasumi, one of the super-soldiers grown from Hiroki and Akari’s DNA. She ended up at the same hospital as well and was about to be taken home by a couple when Girl Power killed them, resulting in Kasumi being taken by Akari and Shaun.

What remained of Hiroki was contacted by the spirit of Walpurgisnacht. Making a deal with her, Hiroki regenerated into his thirteenth incarnation, the female Momoka Mizutani. No, Momoka is not an OC for GJ Club, but she is based on the character of Apple Lam Chung-yan from the TVB drama A Great Way to Care II, played by Tavia Yeung. Momoka takes Hiroki’s TARDIS and heads to Salford, where with the help of Walpurgisnacht, she establishes a cha chaan teng café in the middle of a trading estate and hires a group of red drone Daleks as her workers, hiding their identities by having them disguise themselves as humans.

Over the next eight years, Momoka gets close to the new Shinomiya family by influencing them through Kyōya’s dreams to come to her café. Eight years later, on 11 December 2013, the Fourth and Fifth Doctors come in with their companions. When the Shinomiya family come in, a confrontation with Ayaka Kikuchi and her army ensues before Momoka transmats the Shinomiya family to a Dalek spaceship, where she prepares to execute them using the Yashio’ori. However, the Yashio’ori is sabotaged by the enemy army so that the laser beam would not charge.

As Ayaka and her army attack the Dalek ship, Momoka uses the Dalek-enhanced machine guns to fend them off. While two Doctors confront the Master, Momoka is killed by Girl Power officers, resulting in Walpurgisnacht taking over her body as she regenerates, maintaining her current appearance. Read #15 to find out what happens after this.

Once the Battle of Koshi Castle and the Manchester Campaign conclude, the Fourth Doctor helps Kyōya and Kasumi move to Chiswick in 2008. Five years later, the events of the GJ Club anime take place. During his time in Chiswick, Kyōya gets a job at the post office there and later, studies a double degree in Japanese Studies and Politics at SOAS in the University of London while also learning Cantonese, Mandarin and Welsh in weekend and evening courses (apparently he also wanted to learn Taiwanese but they weren’t running any courses, but that’s alright, he can always learn it somewhere else, which he presumably did).

On a side note, I volunteered myself to be Kyōya’s English voice actor, so I’ve practiced my Mancunian accent by watching actors like Christopher Eccleston, Stephen Tompkinson, Karl Pilkington and maybe a bit of Peter Kay as well. The only problem was that I’m not even sure that my accent is even Manc because I can’t tell if I’m getting it wrong and sounding like someone from Liverpool, Yorkshire, Newcastle or even Scotland. Oh well, that’s what happens when you really get into things.

I don’t buy expansion packs, I make my own (budget allowing)

So as I said, GJ Club only got one season and an OVA to go with it. Do Kyōya and the GJ Club make further appearances in the series? You bet your ass they do.

After being absent for much of the Next Gen Series in 2014, Kyōya and Kasumi receive a letter from their aunt, Narutaki, asking to meet in Hong Kong after their mother, Akari, went missing following the Siege of Ōsaka, only to be followed by Mao and the rest of the GJ Club, who learnt where he was going and managed to get on the same flight as them.

Narutaki, who had taken her Girl Power friends and established a rogue faction separate from the main group, takes the GJ Club to Nijō Castle, where she explains the background behind the Manchester Campaign and the events of Series 8 and 9. Soon after, Girl Power’s commander, Daniel, sends his brother, Nathan, out to find Narutaki. Kyōya tries to contact Hiroki, but he is unable to get through to him. Luckily, the TARDIS arrives and the Doctor and Hiroki help Angela and the others repel the attacking Girl Power forces. Some more things happen and by the end of the story, we learn that Kyōya and Mao are dating.

That Christmas, Kyōya and Kasumi head up to Manchester, but the Doctor briefly takes them and their friends back to Hong Kong for a picnic with Hiroki and the rest of the Zhuge family.

A few years later in 2018, the GJ Club and Momoka get a cameo at the start and end of the Gokaiger TV movie special. By this point in time, Momoka’s café in Manchester has expanded to many other branches around the UK and in Hong Kong.

The next year in 2019, Kyōya, Kasumi, Mao and Megumi are featured in a four-part adventure in Soulbound Series 3, helping the cast solve the mystery of Parker’s past and Shinbu’s origins. Two years after in 2021, Kyōya and Kasumi move to Hong Kong (along with the GJ Club) and join the Superhero Project as the new ShinkenRed and ZyuohTiger. You’d think Kyōya would be against violence given his harmless tendencies, but I suppose his character has developed over the years despite having abandonment issues.

So this has been the involvement of GJ Club in my personal project. It’s a shame the series wasn’t more popular or it could have gotten a second season, a manga, more (and frequent) translations of the light novel or hell, even a licenced release. This series is just like Sea Princesses in how popular it was, but despite the number of episodes the anime got, at least Shin Araki hasn’t abandoned the series (by putting it in a spinoff no less) unlike Fabio Yabu, who hasn’t made anything new for Sea Princesses since 2010 after getting more animated episodes than GJ Club did. On the other hand though, neglected series with little material has been good development fodder for my personal project as it allowed me to bring awareness to the existence of those series while also developing backstories and afterstories for them.

[cywscross]

From @lightveils on Twitter (free to use wherever!). I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. I definitely have enough fics to fill it lol~

-0-

A Fic You Love Without Knowing The Source Material:

I was born for this by esama (Assassin’s Creed | Altair x Desmond | M)

Juno did her best to lead him to her preferred fate, but the end is coming and Desmond has doubts.

A Fic With A Premise That Shouldn’t Work But Does:

Proposing To Strangers by moonstalker24 (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | G)

At the end of a strained relationship, crime novelist Stiles chooses to hide from the world inside a bar with far too many motorcycles outside it for comfort. Here he'll meet the man of his dreams, eat food and propose marriage, all within the first five minutes.

Peter doesn't know who this kid is, but he's cute and looks like he could use a break. So he feeds him. He's not expecting a marriage proposal, but with what comes after, he doesn't really mind.

A Fic You’ve Reread Several Times:

Hooverville by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | E)

Town to town, train to train, tent to tent.

By 1932, the dust had begun to blow and the jobs were gone.

Anonymity was a byproduct of looking for work, which made it both necessary and convenient.

Stiles had enough secrets of his own to know to look the other way when he saw something that shouldn’t be possible.

The ghost of a tail giving enough balance to disembark a moving train.

Near silent Latin whispered on the edge of a tent encampment.

A flash of burning eyes.

He had more than enough to worry about without adding the oddities of others, and besides- having unusually sharp teeth certainly didn’t make a man worse than the ones running from the wife and kids they couldn’t feed.

So Stiles kept his observations to himself. He kept his everything to himself.

Until he met a man. One with eyes so blue they seemed to glow- and then they did.

Stiles tried to look away, but for the first time he was stopped.

“Don’t be like that sweetheart. Aren’t you curious?”

A Fic You Still Remember Many Years Later:

All True-Hearted Souls by mardia (Temeraire | Laurence x Granby | G)

“For God's sake, if someone doesn't talk Laurence out of these constant heroics, I wouldn't bet a farthing on his chances; no, and not ours either.” Four times that John Granby helped save William Laurence's life. Laurence/Granby. Spoilers up to Empire of Ivory.

A Comfort Fic:

Nothing Improper by Bunnywest (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | G)

“How long since someone touched you, sweet boy?” Peter asks, his voice barely a breath in Stiles’ ear. “Days? Weeks? Months?” Stiles nods imperceptibly at that last one.

“After…after everything, after Allison,” is all Stiles manages to get out.

A Cathartic Fic:

Swing by ShippersList (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

Stiles wants to fly.

A Fic You’d Print And Put On Your Bookshelf:

Nose to the Wind by Batsutousai (HP | Tom x Harry | M)

While Harry had been content with his second chance, that didn't keep him from thinking what he could have done different, how many people could have survived if he hadn't been set on the very specific path he'd walked. Third time is the charm, though, right?

A Fic You Associate With A Song (x2):

Strange Duet by BelleAmante, thiliart (thilia) (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | M)

The past three years have been a series of shocking, or not so shocking, successes for 2018 Tony award winner and two time Grammy nominee, Stiles Stilinski. You don’t typically find classically trained opera singers singing alternative folk rock to crowds at Coachella. Nor do you find indie singer/songwriters winning best actor awards at the Tony’s for their Broadway debuts. Stilinski has made it his lifetime habit to defy and exceed all expectations.

-or-

A Steter fic loosely based on Phantom of the Opera

~

Full Circle by Nike Femme (FMA | Roy x Ed | T)

Edward Elric returns with amnesia. He has lived the past four years as Auric, a Gatekeeper. But there are some battles that only he can fight. Will his friends be able to awaken Ed, and what happens to Auric if they do?

A Fic That Inspires You:

Off the Line by esama (FFVII | Cloud x Vincent | T)

In which Cloud gets a Virtual Reality Dream Console – ShinRa's latest in virtual reality technology. Aaand everything pretty much goes downhill from there.

A Fic That Brought You On Board A New Ship:

Me and Mine by linndechir (Fast and the Furious | Deckard x Owen | E)

The last time they'd spoken, Deckard had told Owen that he was tired of cleaning up his messes. But the first thing he did after breaking out of prison was to take Owen to the other end of the world so they could lick their wounds and start planning their revenge.

A Fic You Wish Could Be A Movie:

Moving In (To Every Single Aspect of Danny’s Life, Including the Boring Bits like Dry-Cleaning) by westgirl (Hawaii Five-0 | Steve x Danny | T)

It felt wrong for Steve to sound unsure of his place in Danny’s life. His place in Danny’s life was at Danny’s side, driving him slowly insane. Steve should feel secure about that.

A Fic That Led To You Making Friends With The Author:

Begin and End by Rikkamaru (Log Horizon x HP | G)

This is how it begins: a boy rejected by his family, a boy reunited with his brother by his sister-in-law's intervention. A boy who found a family in an online game. But how will it end?

FREE SPACE:

Reverti Ad Praeteritum by Batsutousai (Fullmetal Alchemist | Roy x Edward | M)

Unwillingly forced to serve as a human trial for a crazy alchemist experimenting with time travel, Edward Elric finds himself standing across from Truth in the moment it takes his leg from him. Armed with the knowledge of what's to come and burdened with guilt for the choices he'd made as an adult, Ed sets out to fix every mistake he ever made and save every life they ever lost, no matter what it takes.

A Fic You’ve Gushed About IRL:

Designation: Miracle by umisabaku (Kuroko no Basket | M)

It's been three years since seven human experiments, called "Miracles," escaped Teiko Industries, alerting the world to the presence of super-powered children. Now they're finally integrating into society-- going to normal high schools, playing basketball, falling in love-- and trying to find out if it's possible to truly escape their past.

A Fic You Associate With A Place (have to self-rec for this one):

Safe Harbour by cywscross (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles x Chris | T)

Peter didn't think he'd find a home here. He certainly didn't think he'd find a home with two other men.

Chris and Stiles prove him wrong.

A Fic That Made You Gasp Out Loud (kind of? it was suspenseful):

Sanctuary by DiscontentedWinter (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | E)

The Hale Wolf Sanctuary isn’t just for wolves.

It turns out it’s for Stilinskis as well.

A Fic You Found At The Right Time:

slow increments by Areiton (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles)

Peter is enigmatic, egotistical, sometimes barely sane. He's sharp and cutting and takes more time to care for the pack than anyone.And sometimes, John catches him watching Stiles.

A Fic That You Would Read Fic Of:

if you try to break me, you will bleed by Dialux (Game of Thrones | Jon x Sansa | T)

It had been a slash across her chest from a White Walker’s sword that finally ended her life. Sansa’d landed in a puddle of her own blood, and she’d died quickly, quietly.

And then she’d awoken with a gasp, trembling, in a bed that had burned under Theon’s betrayal.

A Fic That Made You Laugh Out Loud:

The Path towards Unwilling Godhood by Sky_King (Bleach | Kisuke x Ichigo | G)

Ichigo has never had the most normal life, and this latest chapter of it is no different.

"I'm not a god!"

A Fic With A Line (Or Two) That You’ve Memorized By Heart:

Atlas by distractedKat (Star Trek | Spock x Jim | T)

Between what was and what will be stands James Tiberius Kirk, in all his fractured patchwork glory. Because saving the Federation was only the beginning.

A Fic That Gave You Butterflies:

The Rest of Our Lives by mia6363 (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

“I don’t know, as a kid I watched a lot of movies, you know? And at first I figured like… I’d be on some great adventure that would take me away from it all, you know? Like Indiana Jones comes around and is all, ‘Hey Stiles, buddy, come with me we’ve got to go save the world.’ Then… you and… everything happened… then I just… I figured I’d die before I was eighteen.”

A Fic That Embodies Something You Value In Life:

The Boy Sleuth by Shey (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

Stiles is eight when he discovers a box of his mom’s old Nancy Drew Mysteries in the back of the guest bedroom closet.

A Favourite AU:

Love What is Behind You by KouriArashi (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | M)

Basically what it says on the label. Hunger Games type fusion. Stiles doing way better than anyone anticipates. Peter finds him intriguing. Ruthless, devious assholes working together to ruin bad guys, as the Steter ship is meant to be.

A Fic You Stayed Up Too Late To Finish Reading:

Of Dwobbits, Dragons and Dwarves by ISeeFire (The Hobbit | Fem!Bilbo x Fili | T)

Bilba has been a slave her entire life. All she knows of the outside world is what she sees from time to time outside the gates of Moria and the stories her mother used to tell her. Stories of a place called the Shire where her mother once lived and a placed called Erebor where, as far as she knows, her father still lives. Stories of dragons a thousand times larger, and more intelligent, than the beasts the orcs rode and of a strange concept called freedom where one was allowed to live as they wished with no one to tell them what they could, or could not do.

The stories meant little to Bilba. The only future she had was to live, and die, as a slave as countless number had before her.

And then the orcs dragged an injured female firedrake through the gates, her rider screaming obscenities behind her as he fought to reach her side...and everything changed.

A Fic That Made You Feel Seen (another self-rec lol):

i am addicted to death (so remind me what it’s like to live) by cywscross (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

Stiles is sixteen years old. He has already died seventy-eight times.

[unsettledink]

Back in the days of LJ, I used to try and do a post at the end of each year, looking back primarily at fandom and fic. I fell out of the habit when everything moved to tumblr, and then it seemed like I didn’t have anything to say since I wasn’t writing or really participating any. 

But I always liked the idea of it, because I love to be overly reflective on stuff. And talk about my fic. Any excuse! I shuffled around some of the topics I used back then and added a few I’ve seen around that I liked. It got… long, because I TALK, so I split into two sections. 

*

Your main fandom of the year? 

    Marvel (MCU) for sure. Primarily with characters from Spider-Man and Iron Man movies.

Your favorite film watched this year?

    The Old Guard - I saw a couple trailers and everything about it looked like catnip. ‘It’s probably going to be so dumb, but I don’t even care,’ I thought. And then it was so good. It was so much fun and so much smarter than I expected and I loved each and every character and it just made me happy in so many ways.

Your favorite book read this year?

    Red, White, and Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston - I read it twice this year actually. It’s so… cute isn’t the right world. Sweet and hopeful and soft and comforting and intense. I liked every single character which is pretty rare. I cried during the sad parts and then again at the happy ending, like straight up sobbed - both times. I already want to read it again.

Your favorite tv show watched this year?

    Schitt’s Creek - I started it on a whim and because a lot of people had said it was good. The episodes were short so it wasn’t a huge time investment. The first season was a little rough, but there were enough funny moments that I hung on, and then… I kept getting fonder and fonder of these idiots as they grew. And THEN… it kept not disappointing me? 

     You grow to expect certain scripts, twists, jokes, especially in queer story lines. To wait for the bad thing to happen, because it always does. Instead, Schitt’s Creek kept going, ‘hey, here’s the set up for that! Guess what? We’re not doing it. Here’s the happy version instead.’ The relief of having that happen again and again - the last season I’ve watched (I’m sort of saving 6) I cried a bunch but it was always because I was happy. 

Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?

    1896 - I’ve been waiting for the new Steam Powered Giraffe album so eagerly for aaaaaages. Finally getting recordings of Zero’s songs! Lying Awake remains my favorite off the album, with Eat Your Heart and Bad Days on the Horizon high up there as well. I’m loving what Zero brings to the band.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?

    I don’t know if I really did discover that much? I stuck pretty closely to old fandoms and the ones I picked up in 2019. Maybe Zodiac? It was definitely inspiring, and I want to write and read more in it. 

    Maybe the couple discords I joined? I still really dislike discord and am not on there much, and mostly lurk when I am, but having somewhere vaguely like the comms I remember makes me feel a little less isolated. It’s the potential, that maybe if I said something I might make a friend, or someone might actually want to hear what I say. 

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?

    The Watch - I mean, I knew it was going to be a disaster with every word said during pre production. I wasn’t ever going to be happy with it. And then it came out and was even worse and uglier and … disrespectful not just of the source material but of actual people connected to Terry. I’m beyond disappointed that this is what we got, and it’s probably going to be a long time before we get anything else. 

    Devil All the Time was terrible, but I didn’t have especially high hopes. It still didn’t manage to meet them. Yikes.

The most missed of your old fandoms?

    Maybe MASH? Someone I follow started talking about it and I was reminded all over again of the wonderful fics in that fandom. I went looking and a lot are gone (still on my computer, lol, but not online), but rereading was such a trip. A slightly depressing trip, but still. 

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?

    Hmm. I’ve kind of not had the energy to invest in other fandoms at the moment? When The Witcher was having it’s big moment back in January, I had a feeling I might enjoy it enough to fall headfirst into the fandom, so I avoided watching it. Ikr? I don’t have the time or the energy to actively seek anything out. 

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?

    SO EXCITED about Winter’s Orbit. I mean, the third Spider-Man movie for sure, with worry. The second Venom movie, ugh yes. I have tentative hopes for Jungle Cruise? Jumanji was stellar and I always enjoy Dwayne. I have both hope and dread for the new Suicide Squad - I did love Birds of Prey, so if it’s along those lines, yay. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard because it should be some fun garbage, my favorite kind. I don’t know how I feel about Dune, but, uh, I’m anticipating it. It seems highly unlikely it will actually happen, but The Wheel of Time TV series. 

I want to be excited about Black Widow but it’s hard. It’s not the story I’ve been wanting to see, and I’m angry about Natasha not getting a movie until she’s dead.

You know. If any of it is released for real.

The Good: 

I moved to a better place. I got a better paying, better benefits, better environment job that lets me work from home. The house acquired 3-7 more cats depending on the month. I was able to get some serious problems on my car fixed. I have insurance and was able to start on some health stuff. No one I know got sick or died. I wrote a LOT.

The Bad: 

Aside from the obvious? Depression hitting extra hard during the winter. Having to put two kittens to sleep. Have my car be hit three times in our parking lot. Being driven INSANE by one of the cats for months while the vets were all closed. Kidney stone. Dealing with several health problems. Stalling for months on Gotcha.

The Indifferent: 

Not leaving the house often or easily. Enjoying a new fandom but not doing great at making connections (still real awkward, bud). Raising kittens and saying goodbye. Need new tires. Reading a lot of fic but not a lot of books. Having more pay but more expenses as well (wth insurance??). 

*

2020 fic stats

Number of stories: 39

Number of fandoms: 6? Or 2, if you cluster the others under mcu

Total number of words: 152049

Average word count per story: 4kish

Longest fic: Causality (18k, P/Q)

Shortest fic: Can’t, Won’t (1k, P/Q)

Most comments received: Sieche (49, T/P)

Fandom you wrote the most of: MCU Spider-Man - I only wrote TWO fics that didn’t feature that fandom, wow. And one of those was still MCU.

Fandom you wrote the least of: Zodiac (1!)

Events you participated in: Marvel Trumps Hate, Kinktober, IornspidersGeorg Exchange, Starker Festivals Exchange, MCU Secret Santa, Spiderio Big Bang

*

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

    SO MUCH MORE OMG. I mean, even just counting posted stuff! (I probably wrote a solid 300k of Gotcha this year.) I did not expect or plan on doing Kinktober, so that’s a whole 31 fics right there. I also wasn’t planning on doing any exchanges - I have a History - but then I did three? And beyond that, I did not expect for everything to get so LONG.

Topic you wrote that you would never have predicted in January:

    Tony/Quentin. Goddammit @the-me09 They were like hey, they could be interesting! And while I agreed, I had no ideas for them. THEN they had to go and write Just Bodies That Collide and next thing I know, I’ve got ten fics featuring them and two-six series focused on them or Peter/Quentin/Tony. What the fuck. 

Leitmotif of the year:

    Vulnerability, I think. I had a bunch of things typed up and they all circle back to vulnerability in the end; sex, being seen, being wanted, sharing trauma, asking for help, trying something new. Offering a soft spot in the hopes it won’t be hurt. 

Favorite character to write about: 

    Tony Stark, for sure. There are just a bunch of slightly different takes, and a lot of canon to work with (kind of frustrating too though). And I’m a sucker for emotionally damaged snarky traumatized characters that are viewed poorly both in universe and out. 

Favorite kind of fic to write:

    This year? Fluff and smut combined. Maybe that’s not the right term really. I keep looking for and writing, even in the angstiest fics, for those soft moments. Sure, maybe it’s a super smutty kink scene, but I want the affection to be obvious. Maybe everyone is consumed by guilt, but I want it to be based in caring too much. Maybe there’s no real love, just sex and even that’s messed up, but I want to find that tiny bit of fondness. 

    And I want happy endings. Or endings that look like they’re going to be happy, at least, even if there’s all the angst first. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone this year? Who AM I? 

Biggest disappointment:

    Not finishing the rough draft of Gotcha. I was making such good progress in 2019, from August to December. Even after the move, I basically finished part 6 in January. I fumbled around and fussed with 1 a lot, but that had already been given one draft, really, and I got through half of 4 before I slowed to a stop. I’ve barely gotten anything accomplished on it since June. Bits and pieces here and there, but nothing significant, not like I was doing. I can excuse October, due to 80k invested in Kinktober (yikes!), but aside from that… I’m sad. I’ll finish it eventually, but I really thought I could have the first draft done in a year. I’m sitting at about 480k out of what I’m almost certain will be 700k. 

Biggest surprise:

    Kinktober! It was kind of spur of the moment, decided just a week in advance. I’ve tried month long or even like, 20-25 day long challenges and I don’t think I’ve ever completed one. I thought there was a good chance I’d do so again, so I gave myself a little help and made my own list of prompts, things I knew I liked and hadn’t done much of yet. And it worked? I actually completed it, what the hell? Despite spending five days travelling near the end! Despite falling behind in getting ahead and writing a bunch of stories the day they were to be posted! Despite apparently forgetting how to do short form! 

    I, uh, could have done without the spawning of eleven series or sequels or continuations jfc WHY SELF.

Something you learned this year:

    Ideas breed ideas. I swear to god, the second I sit down to think through a current idea, I wake up the next morning with three more. 

    Words need to be restocked. I need to consume new - not rereads, not fic - content every so often to refresh my word bank. It is astonishing how quickly writing goes again after I’ve done so.

    I can write so much more than I thought I could. I can do so much more than I thought I could. Yes, I can complete challenges without dropping out early. Yes, I can do exchanges and not regret it. Yes, I can write more than 100k, more than 200k, more and more - and I can write 10k+ easily too. Though I wouldn’t mind if I could once again write less than 10k without feeling like I’ve cut off in the middle. 

    My time is shrinking, and if I want to write as much, I’m going to have to make the time. I can’t rely on three days off a week, on seven hours of uninterrupted overnight shifts, on hyper focused writing binges that leave everything else around me on fire. 

Most memorable comment: 

    So, so many! I can’t pick one. I’ve been really lucky to get a bunch of really detailed, enthusiastic, analyzing comments across all different fics. One of the types that always sticks with me are the ones like ‘I didn’t think/know I liked this ship/kink/twist, but fuck, apparently I do? You made me, what the hell?’. 

What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

So with writing Gotcha but not posting until it’s done, my view of what I’ve written vs anyone else’s is extremely skewed. I’m sitting here thinking, hey I’m 400k in and got another 10k done today, so much writing! While anyone looking at my AO3 account (for most of the year) is like, you’re averaging three months between fics :(

    All that to say I want to try and get something posted more frequently while I’m working on Gotcha.

    Also, writing for kinktober was really interesting - pushing myself to write every single day, often for that day’s post, forced me to get back into shorter form fic. Which used to be all I did? But it was surprisingly hard to just stop and not write more. So I’d like to challenge myself to write more fics under 10k at least. Maybe even under 5k though that might be asking a lot lol. I might get there with the many continuations of those fics I’d like to do. Does that count?

Goals:

   I want to hit 365 fics. :) I’m only 32 away!

    Aside from writing - 

    I’ve really enjoyed the reading record sideblog I started this year. I’ve let it lapse a little the past month or so, but I’d like to keep it going strong. 

    I’d like to leave a lot more comments. I want to get better about allowing imperfection - I want to write The Best Comment, but in the end? Probably 90% of fic writers are going to be happier with a comment expressing enjoyment in any way over no comment at all. 

And not just on fics, but on general posts as well. It’s hard not to feel… weird and stupid and invasive and rude leaving any sort of comment on someone’s post if I don’t know them at least a little. I have godawful rejection sensitive dysphoria and a lot of interactions that ended poorly; I’m really not good at people. But as dumb as it feels to say those things, I know I am thrilled and warmed and happier when there’s a reblog with tags or a note or a comment or an ask or just, any small interaction that shows someone out there notices and cares, at least a little. There’s no reason I can’t at least try to offer that to other people. 

    I’d like to make/run a couple challenges of my own, later in the year. I’m still figuring out what I want to do and what I could do. I’m really interested in doing something that’s not focused on creators, but the readers; some sort of comment or rec challenge maybe.

    I want to find a cheerleader for Gotcha. I’m struggling to keep up my motivation to write it when it’s already in my head, where I can ‘read’ it any time. There’s a line between depending too much on external validation and trying to generate all your validation yourself, and I’m getting to a point where I think I need to ask for help (gasp! The hardest thing EVER). 

*

(Part Two: Pick Some Fics)

[purplesurveys]

990

survey by starsareonly2nd

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? No. Doesn’t sound like my type of city. I wouldn’t mind visiting the rest of Nevada though.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? Just a cup of coffee; I skip breakfast except on Sundays, when we actually sit down at the dining table and eat as a family.

Do you have any loose change in your pocket? I don’t have any pockets right now but I do have very few coins in my wallet. I used to have plenty, but I’ve given most of them away because I usually give tips to the nice people who help me get out of parking spots.

Do you like Taylor Swift? I like some of her songs, especially the ones from 1989, but I have no idea why I just can’t get into her as a person.

What's your favorite Disney Channel movie? I haven’t tuned in to that channel for a very long time now, but the movies that I got the most excited about as a kid were Twitches, Wendy Wu, Camp Rock, The Cheetah Girls, and High School Musical 1 and 2.

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? I’d be starstruck in a calm way; like I’d most likely be too shocked to get more than a few words out. I’m sure I’d come off as shy or boring haha, which is why I’ve refused to meet or interact with my favorite celebrities even if I’ve already had the chance to.

Are there any lights on in the room you're in? I have a ceiling light and a desk lamp, but both are turned off. My only light source at the moment is my laptop screen.

What's your favorite subject in school? History.

What's your favorite holiday? My birthday, if that counts. Christmas can also be great but only for the food, the reunions with extended family, and the freedom to guiltlessly cut off contact with colleagues for a couple of weeks. All other aspects of it make me miserable though.

Do you ever have to do yard work? I’ve never had to do that before.

Is your school close to your house? I mean, it wasn’t a 10-minute walk away but it’s relatively close and driving to my university objectively doesn’t take too long unless there’s heavy traffic. If there’s absolutely no barriers I could get to school in 15-20 minutes, but this is really only just for weekends where I have to go to school for some reason. If there’s traffic (and there always is), I take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half.

Speaking of school, how did you get there today? I haven’t been to my school since the first week of March, and I’ve already graduated since then.

Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song, or an annoying one? I can honestly tell you that I have genuinely never gotten sick of that song. It’s a late 2000s classic, man. Of course it was too explicit for my 11 year old ears when it first came out, but I found it catchy nonetheless.

Do you use perfect grammar online? I always try to be correct, yes. When I use improper grammar it’s usually because I’m joking.

Are you currently using a laptop? Yup.

Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? I haven’t used iTunes in a while and Spotify, which I do use, doesn’t work that way.

Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? I’ve never skipped her singles whenever I caught them on the radio and I’ve always fairly enjoyed the music she puts out, but I normally don’t voluntarily listen to her i.e. look up her songs myself on Spotify.

Is it a windy day? It is now that it’s nighttime, but it was a little humid all day today.

In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? No. I’m not actually sure if that’s even already allowed...the possibility of public transport is still pretty murky where I live.

What shorthand do you use the most? I have no idea what this means. I did try looking it up but I dunno if I’ve ever had to use shorthand at any point in my life.

Do you ever wish on stars at night? Every now and then, but it’s just the little kid in me.

What color are your eyes? Dark brown. I feel like I answer this at least once a week.

What album is the current song you're listening to off of? Not listening to music but the last song I heard is from an album called Petals For Armor.

What are you doing after you finish this? Try not to cry/break down. Find something to watch on YouTube. Maybe play with Cooper to destress and forget about my problems for a bit.

In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? Other than songs I occasionally put on repeat, I have not heard any new music for a while now.

Are you in a band? Nope, never been.

How clean is your bedroom? We just tidied it up and rearranged a few things last month so I’d say it’s clean - at least tidier than it used to be. And I’m a little proud that despite how rough life has been, I’ve managed to keep it clean. It’s the little things.

Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? Yeah, there’s one on my desk and I can easily reach out and grab it.

Are you sitting at a desk? I’ve moved to my bed for now. My back does not appreciate sitting at a desk all day.

Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Female.

Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? Yesssssssss. We have a light source by the stairs that extends to the hallway and reaches my room, so it gets super annoying if my door is even just slightly ajar because my eyes get distracted by the faint light. My door has to be completely shut for me to feel comfortable in the privacy of my room.

Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? I haven’t. I loooove Lady Marmalade, but I’m just not sure if the movie itself is my cup of tea.

Would you ever dye your hair a different color? I’d love to have the chance to do that, yeah.

Are there any framed pictures in the room you're in? There are a couple.

Have you ever been to a Broadway show? Nope.

Do you watch So You Think You Can Dance? I don’t think so but I do remember watching a few episodes of Dancing with the Stars because a wrestler that I liked was one of the contestants for one season. I’m just not sure of SYTYCD also featured wrestlers in their shows; if that has been the case in the past- and I’m just not sure because my memory is a little hazy - I would’ve given it a watch.

What's your favorite movie soundtrack? The Twilight Saga churned out some bomb ass soundtracks. Other than that, I also enjoyed Interstellar’s and Requiem for a Dream’s.

Do you prefer group or individual work? Depends on what kind of work needs to be done. If a task is graphic design or video editing-heavy, I would prefer to work with other people; but if it’s gonna be heavy on something that’s already my forte, I like to work by myself.

Do you have a key to anything besides your house? Just my car.

Are you wearing anything with stripes? Not at the moment.

What time did you go to sleep last night? 9:45 I think? A little later than 10? Somewhere along that range.

Did anyone tell you you were beautiful today? No.

What show did you last watch? Friends.

Do you think you'll do anymore surveys today? I doubt it. This one is already quite longer than the surveys I usually take.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream; and more recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? Sometime in February last year. I developed a fever the night before but wasn’t able to start feeling better by the next morning, so I had to skip the one class I had that day.

Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? Yes. I’m actually planning to buy a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle; it’s one of the items I’ve put on my cart recently. Depressed Robyn is also spend-a-lot-of-money-on-artsy-craftsy-supplies-Robyn, so.

If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? Hell no.

Do you like to listen to music as you do your homework? Not usually, but sometimes I’ll put on lo-fi since that’s the only kind of music I can listen to and still keep my focus.

Did you think Adam Lambert's AMA performance was really that controversial? I’ve never encountered it, but I doubt I’ll have a problem with it if I do get to watch the performance. I love Adam Lambert and I've never found myself shaking my head at whatever he’s doing.

Do any bands flat-out annoy you? They’re a boy band more than anything but The Vamps has consistently irritated me through the years.

Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? No. I used to, but I gave it to my sister.

Was today a birthday for any of your friends? I don’t think so. With all my social media being deactivated I never get notified about birthdays anymore, but I’m fairly sure none of my friends blow out their candles every October 22nd.

When was the last time you rode in a limo? I’ve never been in one.

Do you take naps daily? No. I can’t really do that anymore since I have an 8-hour shift on weekdays, lol.

Do you still make Christmas lists? No.

Do you watch the show Dexter? I tried getting into the show because it used to always be said in the same breath as Breaking Bad, but I never got invested. I heard later seasons sucked too, so that also turned me off from continuing to pursue the series.

What's the background on your phone? I have a motivational comic that says “You’re doing really well given the circumstances” as my lockscreen. Cooper smiling is my home screen.

When were/will you be a a sophomore in high school? That was six years ago.

Are you scared of any animals? Any flying insect or bug, and I find them scarier if they come with a loud buzz.

Have you ever been to any sort of convention? YouTube Fanfest, if that counts as one. I’m not really sure what counts as a convention haha, but that’s the closest thing I’ve got.

Which song did you last listen to on repeat? Why We Ever by Hayley Williams.

Where do you want to live when you grow up? I’ve stopped thinking about that for now. My focus has since shifted to asking myself if I’ll still even be alive in a few years...ugh, how far we’ve fallen.

Are you currently using a blanket? No. It’s not cold enough for a blanket yet, but maybe in a few hours.

Are there any songs that make you cry? A lot.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

What are you doing this weekend? I have no idea.

Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? BEEEEEEEEACH. Once I took my first dip in a beach, I never wanted to swim in a pool ever again.

When was the last time you had a haircut? March.

Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? Piano, saxophone, and violin. Can’t pick a favorite; I think they all sound beautiful.

Are you in band or chorus at your school? I was never in either.

Do you know what you want for Christmas? Yeah but they’re all intangible. I want to be happy, be at peace, normalcy, etc. I’ve stopped pining for presents, especially now that I can afford my own shit.

Do you watch fireworks on New Year's Eve? Always.

Is your birthday within the next three months? Nope. You’ll have to add three more months to that timeframe.

How long is the song you're listening to? No music.

Are you anticipating anything this week? I’m waiting for a couple of very specific emails to come in, and I hope they do before the week ends.

Is your mom or dad the older parent? My dad, but only by 8 months. They were born in the same year.

Have you taken the SATs yet? I never had to take them, but I heard they’re triiiiiiiicky.

Do you watch anything on E? We never had E! in our cable service but I like tuning into that channel whenever we stay at hotels because I get to watch KUWTK, hehe.

Are you going to get off the computer now that you've finished this? Most likely.

[entamewitchlulu]

Lulu’s Flash Reviews [Winter 2020]

Been a while since I posted one of these! I posted these to my twitter earlier but I figured I could put them here too.  And if you will excuse the plug, consider checking out my side Twitter I use specifically for livetweeting anime, @/LulusLivetweets!

And w/o further ado, I have some thoughts about anime under the cut!

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

Eizouken was an absolutely INCREDIBLE little show. I hadn't initially planned on watching it, but I'm so glad I did. The main cast is so strong and their personalities mesh and bounce into perfect, hilarious dynamics - and the core themes about creativity and how to make anime wrt all the work that REALLY goes into it were so much fun to watch play out. Everytime Kanamori went off on her own plans, I was hooked! Everytime Asakusa and Mizusaki started playing some imagination game, I got emotional, because that was me in high school! 

And of course, the animation was spot on; the way you watched them physically build their "greatest world" through sketchy environments and voice acted sound effects, it was immersive and inspiring. An instant classic imo!   

Overall: 10/10

Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun

Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun was one that was on my radar from the beginning due to the voice talent of Megumi Ogata playing the titular character. But her excellent va work wasn't the only awesome thing about it! the animation was absolutely gorgeous, using a very unique style visually and cinematically. i really loved the way they decided to design each episode's mood and tone and the creative framing techniques. the characters were all quite fun, complex, and endearing, and there was just enough mystery to really keep you hooked. and i'm a sucker for that rumors-create-reality plot! the only minus i can give this is that Nene's obsession with boys started to wear on me lol

Overall: 9/10

Asteroid in Love

A slow-paced slice of life, but still overall enjoyable! There was little substance and any time it edged on real conflict it hurriedly pulled back, but that was ok because we all knew we were here for cute girls being cute without any more depth.  The relationship between Ao and Mira was sweet and lovely, and the quirks of the other characters never became so overwhelming that it got annoying, even the tsundere-types. And I learned a little bit about space! Bonus points! overall, it was a sweet and welcome escape to simply slip into a story without conflict, where you could simply sit back and smile as you watched these sweet girls pursue their deeply held dreams, no matter what might stand in their way.

Overall: 7/10

In/Spectre

For my thoughts on In/Spectre....well...I finished it? There are elements to this series that I found interesting enough to continue til the end. This one also taps into the Rumors-Become-Reality trope that I love, but unlike Hanako-kun it...leaves character to the wayside. The animation is pretty solid, sound design is good, character designs are pretty decent if a little unmemorable, but...for most of this show it's talking heads. They talk in circles and weave stories in a way that just...doesn't do the visual medium justice.

and the characters are just...boring. I never bought into what was meant to be the main romantic subplot. Iwanaga is extremely annoying when she's not devising Sherlock-esque concepts. rather than develop the characters and their relationships, they devoted 90% of screentime to watching Iwanaga come up with ridiculous fictions in Sherlock-esque fashions, as though just to show off how clever the show is rather than let me become invested in the characters. if there's ever a season 2, i don't think i have the emotional investment to look into it.

Overall: 6/10

Natsunagu

Natsunagu isn't really a traditional anime per say, it's a series of shorts developed for a revitalization effort after the Kumamoto earthquake, I believe. Each episode is only 3 minutes long, so the story isn't particularly fleshed out, but for what it was, it was rather sweet. The story of a girl trying to find her online friend after their usual message service is shut down and meeting the people of a place still in recovery was I think written with exactly as much sensitivity as it needed to for the story and the people it was telling it for.

Overall: 6/10

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record

Magia Record blew every expectation I had out of the fucking water. It was absolutely fucking incredible. Building expertly off of the foundation laid by the original Madoka, in some respects it absolutely overshadowed it. The aesthetic and atmosphere hit every fucking note perfectly. Without having to worry about building up uncertainty the way the original did, MR was able to barrel straight into the uncanny valley, where you already know that something is wrong but you have no idea how MUCH.

yet another Rumor-Creates-Reality show (seriously this is a theme here), the Rumors on display here are markedly more hostile, and built with all of the eerie charm of Madoka's signature surreality. Characters are not left to the wayside, either. For the number of cast members they introduce and the old ones they bring back, it somehow manages to balance all of them, give most of them arcs and depth, and invest you into all of them in a very short span of time.

I'm still shivering with just how intense every bit of it was. I want to rewatch it already. I'm already pounding my fists on the table for season 2! The original Madoka was and still is a favorite of mine, but this spin off avoided every pitfall I could have thought of creating something that both wove intricately into its source material while creating something brand new at the same time. Even knowing that these events will retroactively be undone with the events of Madoka, I still care immensely, and that's a major feat. cannot wait for s2!

overall: 10/10

And before I sign off on this, I also wanted to share my own personal awards for Winter 2020′s season!

Best Girl

4. Iroha Tamaki (Magia Record)

3. Hinata Hiramitsu (Healin’ Good Precure)

2. Midori Asakusa (Eizouken)

1. Sayaka Kanamori (Eizouken)

For Best Girl, the ultimate award goes toooo.....Kanamori from Eizouken! An atypical character in both personality and design, she is always an immense amount of fun every time she's on screen. Honorable mentions go to Asakusa, Hinata, and Iroha!

Best Boy

2. Daruizen (Healin’ Good Precure)

1. Hanako-kun (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun)

For Best Boy of Winter 2020, the award goes toooo.....Hanako-kun! Simultaneously a little shit AND in need of a hug, Hanako balances that shitlord side of himself with his moments of vulnerability in a super endearing way. Honorable mention to Daruizen because I'm me.

Best Couple

3. Iroha/Nanami (Magia Record)

2. Hanako/Nene (Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun)

1. Mira/Ao (Asteroid in Love)

the award for Best Couple goes tooo....Mira/Ao! This sweet pair not only have devoted their lives to their shared dream, but they've also moved in together, spent long nights stargazing, and chased each other across the country! Honorable mentions to Iroha/Yachiyo and Hanako/Nene

Best OP: Easy Breezy by Chelmico (Eizouken)

This OP is just so much fun to watch, and the song is fun to listen to on its own!

Best ED: Aletheia by ClariS (Magia Record)

Best ED goes tooo....Aletheia by ClariS!  It's beautifully animated, and one of the few EDs I actually liked listening to all the way through the end. Plus, ClariS is always good!

Best Music: Magia Record

Best Music Award goes to Magia Record! Yuki Kajiura is ALWAYS a treat to listen to, as always.  And a secondary mention to Healin Good! The theme that plays during the main attack is really good and reminds me of You Say Run a little.

Best Animation: Magia Record

Best Animation also goes to Magia Record! Madoka properties really know how to meld unique styles of animation, and to get the most out of every frame. A special shoutout to the design of Hanako-kun and the creativity of Eizouken, though!

Best Overall:

And finally, for Best Overall...I actually have to give it a tie;;;; Eizouken + Magia Record were both incredible , for extremely different reasons - but their combined unique animation styles, attention to aesthetic/theme, and overall stellar performance were a joy this season!

And that’s enough of me talking! Looking forward to Spring 2020′s season, lot of good stuff coming up!  Did anyone watch anything this season that I didn’t talk about that you highly recommend?

[thranduilsperkybutt]

While You Were Sleeping --- A Supernatural AU

Gif source:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4

Series Masterlist

Pairings:  Dean Winchester/Reader; Sam Winchester/Reader

Warnings:  Flangst in the first chapter, but there will be more Fluff than angst to come!! Me being a cheesy sap! Writing that will never be as good as the movie, but hell I tried! [Technically the first chapter involves Sam getting hurt… but don’t worry it’s not too angsty!]; Possibly OOC characters?

Word Count:  3,290 words

Reader Gender:  Female

Author:  Meg

Summary:  You live a simple life. You go to work at Charlie’s Coffee House, you pay your bills, you fantasize about finally bucking up the courage to speak more than three words to the tall, attractive regular who you knew only by the name that gets scrawled on the side his coffee cup. Simple. Up until the minute you wind up accidentally becoming his fiancée, that is... and he doesn’t even know it yet. [While You Were Sleeping AU, Coffee-Shop!AU? --- I’m playing fast and loose with the plot.]

A/N:  Don’t judge me! I love While You Were Sleeping and I really wanted to write this AU for SPN! I added in a coffee shop because I love coffee shops! This is shameless self-indulgence and not much else tbh...  I plan on this being several parts, but I don’t have how many pinned down yet! Second part is in progress right now, so I decided to post this one. [Also, due to school, it may take some time for me to post chapters, so please be patient with me!] Give me feedback to let me know if I should keep this going, or what you’d like to see in later chapters!

|  Part 1  |  An Accidental Engagement

Your name: submit What is this?

Just the sight of him was enough to have your breath catching in your throat. He moved through the coffee shop familiarly, with a confident grace as he arrived right on the six-thirty dot as had become routine. He looked crisp in his dark suit, which was no doubt expensive if the glance you got beneath his heavier winter coat was anything to go by. It was the height of winter, in that freezing limbo between Christmas and New Years, but the murky clouds above were determined stay, bordering on the threat of snowfall. Long, leather-gloved fingers push back the chocolate locks of hair that had cascaded into his vision as he ordered the same thing he always did, before moving to the side to wait on his order, completely oblivious to the way you had barely been able to function since he came in the door as he turns his attention down to his phone.

“Sam!” Charlie barks out not three minutes later, her fiery red hair tied up into a bun that was already falling down her neck and would most likely fall to pieces before her shift was over. Your heart skips a beat as the tall man looks up from his phone before taking his nonfat soy latte from the pass and hurrying towards the door in long, fluid steps without a second glance behind him, instead focused on whatever important text he was tapping away on his cell.

You sigh, watching him leave. There he went, your future husband, in all his mountainous glory. You could see it now, the two of you together. You could fit perfectly under his arm, thanks to his height. Maybe you could even warm to the idea of having a few rugrats running around eventually, if it was with him. Of course, it would be after he inevitably proposed and you had your own luxurious, fairy-tale wedding. You hoped they would look more like him, with his hazel eyes, and dark hair---

Charlie swatting playfully at your butt with a dishtowel brings you out of your fantasy, forcing the empty coffee mug in your hands back to the forefront of your attention, “Hey, lovergirl, quit drooling and get back to work!” Thankful the door had just closed behind Sam, you jump a bit at the smack. You shoot her a light glare, but still feel the pang of embarrassment at having been caught. Charlie just snickers at you, looking back to the line as Cas takes the next customer in her absence, “Look, chica, I don’t know why you don’t just go on and talk to the suit already! You've nothing to worry about. I know a billion girls who would think they went to heaven to be on a date with you! You’re gorgeous, and a super cool friend, which is a diamond in the rough to find nowadays.”

“Don’t butter me up like one of your croissants, Char! I don’t think talking to your online girlfriends would be the same as bucking up the courage to talk to him,” even though you roll your eyes, you can’t deny the gratefulness you had for her compliments. She single-handedly boosted your self-esteem half of the time, but you doubted it would ever actually grow enough for you to actually make a move on Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome who frequented her coffee shop.

“If this Friday goes well, it won’t be online anymore! I’ve got that date with Ruthy, remember?” Charlie reminds, adding a slight, happy squeal to the end of her declaration as she pulls the lever to the latte machine, a tuft of air accenting her giddy excitement as she froths the next order’s milk.

“And you’ll totally knock her socks off! But, me?” Finishing up the order you had, you send it to the pass with a call of, “I’ve got a black coffee for… Chuck,” before looking back to your boss, “I can’t make it past three words when he comes in! You know that you and Cas have to handle his order all the time, because I’m completely useless when it comes to actually speaking more than one singular word to his stupid, beautiful face.”

She glances back at you skeptically, in the midst of making the espresso order Cas had sent her way before taking his next customer, only to chuckle at your pout, “But have you even tried---?”

The sound of tires screeching violently and people shouting interrupts Charlie and pulls you away from the conversation, your attention shooting towards the glass door to focus on a commotion beyond the windows of Charlie's Coffee House. Your heart jumps into your throat, a sharp fear rushing through you as you realize what is happening in the parking lot.

You didn’t know you could move that fast, as you hadn’t a reason to in the past couple of years, but you closed the gap to the door quickly with how you found yourself running. Disregarding anything else in your haste to get to the scene outside, you pushed out into the winter morning without a care for the way the wind whipped through you, unable to settle it’s chill into your bones with the heat of the adrenaline already warming you.

Not bothering to stop at the driver, you dart past him, barely catching the stunned explanation, “He--- he just walked right out in front of me, on his phone! I didn’t see him until he was right there!” There, on the ground not three feet from the grille of the driver’s Audi, was your favorite customer, his nonfat soy latte scattered and soaking slowly into the unforgiving asphalt.

“Sir? Sir!” you rush to his side, slightly out of breath as you gently press at his shoulders. When you get no response, your gentle pressing grows rougher in an attempt to get him to stir, your voice coming more frantic and scared at the lack of response, “S-Sir, are you okay? Please, say something if you can hear me!” That’s when you notice the blood beginning to pool from beneath his head. Heart hammering in your chest, you turn towards the driver and shout with far more assertion than you ever had in your life, “Call 9-1-1, right now!” Looking back to him, you don’t dare move him, freezing up in a horrifying moment of uncertainty. What do I do? What do I do?

“Oh my god,” you faintly recognize Charlie’s voice from beside you, watching her grey converse sneakers step closer in your peripheral as your hands press into the asphalt, cold and wet beneath your fingers, while you try to get enough of a grip to be useful at all.

Mustering up his name, you urge, hearing the desperation to your voice, “Sam? Sam, come on, buddy… tell me something!”

“I don’t think he’s breathing,” comes gruffly from Cas, who looked on from the sidelines, but still managed to notice something that you hadn’t. You were beginning to draw a crowd now, and Sam still hadn’t stirred yet.

Glancing around frantically, catching the eyes of anyone who would look at you directly, you ask, “Is anyone a doctor? Or nurse? EMT?” When you get only a collective, resounding murmur in response, you look back to Sam, unresponsive and most certainly not breathing at this very moment. You knew you needed to act fast.

If the CPR class you took for kicks last summer was ever going to do you any good, now would be the time.

“Oh, god. Okay. I got this. I got this,” hands shaking you wipe the gravel off your hands before you press them, hard, one atop the other, in the center of his chest, silently praying that you don’t break any ribs, “Sorry, Sam…”

You were still shaking by the time you got to the hospital. Whether it was from the ordeal or from the chill that had finally soaked into you, you didn’t know. Charlie urged you go with the paramedics who took Sam, and they needed someone to tell them what happened anyway. She excused her motives as liability reasons, since the accident had technically occurred on her property, but you figured otherwise. Either way, you were too worried about him to refuse, especially in the split second you had to decide as he was getting hoisted into the ambulance.

Following after the doctors and nurses as they wheel him through the emergency room, you’re quickly stopped by one of them as you come to a set of large double doors, which Sam quickly disappears behind, “Sorry, only family past this point.”

“But---”

“Are you family, ma’am?”

“N-No, but---”

“Then, you can’t accompany him.”

“I’m--- I’m his fiancée!”

Your hand goes over your mouth as soon as you’ve said it. Shit, why did you just lie? The guilt is immediate and you’re about to backtrack, but the nurse changes his tune at the information.

“Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so? This way, please!”

You don’t know why your feet follow him or why you keep to yourself the fact that you weren’t, in fact, this stranger’s fiancée, but the deeper you find yourself going into the hospital, the more you convince yourself that this is only until you make sure Sam is okay. He didn’t have anyone with him, so you were the only one there to check in on him. After all, what harm could it do if you just stayed long enough to make sure he was okay?

Besides, it was too late to tell anyone otherwise now, right?

You wrestle with the realization of your deception until you’re drawn out of it by a different nurse than before, a shorter, kind-looking older lady who smiles sympathetically at you, “Mr. Winchester has been transferred to the third floor, so you can go to his room, now. I can take you, if you’d like?”

“Oh, no, I can find it. Third floor, right?” you confirm, wishing to be out of the family waiting room as quickly as possible. You knew that you don’t belong there, and the guilt was already eating at you for having lied earlier. It put you on edge, but the slight worry made everything much clearer as you sought out his room, as if it were a task to complete.

You’d just make sure he was alright, then you’d leave, and go back to being the girl at the coffee shop that he didn’t know existed. That’s that. The way it was meant to be.

When the elevator dinged, signalling the third floor, you find the nurse’s station easily enough, and they give you his room number freely since you’re his fiancée, after all, and it was just so wonderful you were there to stay by his side. It was a smaller room that they had him in, lined with glass so the nurses could monitor him at their station, which made you feel a little more at ease that maybe he wouldn’t be as alone as you thought. At least the nurses would be keeping a watch over him. It also made you feel a bit less awkward, as if you weren’t doing something wrong by staring through the glass to make sure he wasn’t currently on the brink of death anymore.

By the time you become satisfied that you’ve done all you can, nearly ready to turn and leave, you’re caught by an older man in a lab coat who had headed your way, “Ah, you must be Mr. Winchester’s fiancée. I’m Dr. Stanton. Why don’t we go in, so I can get you up to speed on what’s been happening with him?”

“Oh, uh,” you glance away from the doctor, trying to come up with an excuse to leave and failing, before you inevitably follow him into the room with a meek, “okay.”

“I know you must be very worried right now, after an ordeal like you’ve been through--- I understand you performed CPR after the accident?” Dr. Stanton was a mature-looking man, with kind eyes and a receding hairline. He fixed you with a sympathetic stare, over the glasses which must have been for reading, as he didn’t seem to need them to watch your reaction.

“Yes--- Well, I tried, at least. I only took a layman’s class last summer, because my friend, Charlie, got on a worst-case-scenario kick,” you admit, before adding with worry, “I didn’t hurt him any, did I? No...” you linger on the words, sparing a worried glance to Sam and fixating on his chest, though you can’t see any bandages through the hospital gown they had him in, “broken bones, right?”

“Oh, no, no! You didn’t break any ribs, thankfully. In fact, you may just have given him the time he needed to get to the hospital---”

“Oh, my god!” wails from the door to the hospital room, drawing yours and the doctor’s attention to a blonde woman who rushes to Sam’s side immediately, trailed after by a tall man who had a salt-and-pepper beard, and two others. “What happened to my boy?”

“Sam?” the second man, wearing a worn-looking baseball cap, calls out, to no response. He looks towards the brunette woman at his side, “When was the last time you heard from him, Ellen?”

“You know that boy hasn’t been home in over a year, Bobby! I haven’t heard from him no more than you,” she huffs, before moving towards the blonde woman to offer a comforting hand on her shoulder, “He’ll be fine, Mary. I know it. That boy of yours is strong.”

“Excuse me, but who are all of you?” Dr. Stanton huffs, clearly a bit perplexed by the sudden influx of people into the room.

It’s Salt-and-Pepper who speaks, all firm brow and frown as he fixes the doctor with a stern look, “I’m Sam’s father, John Winchester, and this is my wife, Mary,” he gestures to the blonde currently grasping Sam’s hand, “What happened to him? We were told on the phone he was in some sort of accident---”

You ease towards the door, hoping to slip out relatively unnoticed now that Sam’s family had arrived, but you’re stopped in your tracks by a girl who appeared to have been at the back of the pack, lingering by the door. She was about your age, maybe a bit younger.

Looking you over, apparently sizing you up with a scrutinizing look, she states boldly, “You aren’t dressed like a nurse,” which draws the attention of the rest of the family, as her arms cross over her chest, “Who even are you?”

“I’m… (Y/N),” you manage dumbly, noting the growing silence at your lack of real explanation, “I’m, uh…”

“Mr. Winchester’s fiancée,” Dr. Stanton clarifies slowly, as if to remind them, as he looks on incredulously.

“Fiancée?!” John nearly shouts, anger boiling under the surprise in his tone, “That’s just like him! Moving off! Not even bothering to tell his family he’s getting married!” John’s hand grabbing the end of the bed roughly makes a loud, banging noise that makes you jump in surprise. Wow, looks like things are not peachy in this family dynamic.

“You don’t think you have anything to do with why Sam doesn’t share with the rest of us how he lives his life? You just had to keep pushing him about the family business,” Mary shoots back, quieting her husband with one cold look. That doesn’t stop John from scoffing, or glaring his attention back to you in a way that put you on edge at the fire behind his dark eyes.

“He woulda’ told Dean, though! And Dean woulda’ told me!” the girl currently standing between you and the exit huffs, still not buying it.

“Jo, honey,” Ellen begins, moving from Mary to her daughter, a slightly wistful glint in her eye, “I wouldn’t be so sure of that nowadays. You know how private Sam’s got. I don’t even think Dean talks to him like he used to.”

“It’s a surprise… but it’s not like Sam’s ever been too keen on bringing home his girlfriends before,” Bobby adds softly, looking on sadly at Sam before his eyes are drawn back to you. “At least you seem more level-headed than the last one. She was a handful.”

“Can we please get back to what, exactly, happened to my son?” Mary demands from the doctor, getting his attention with her snap of annoyance. “Why isn’t he waking up?!”

“He’s in a coma,” Dr. Stanton frowns, before following up the swift blow with, “but his brain waves appear normal. There was some brain swelling from the concussion due to the car accident, but luckily there are no broken bones. He’s a tough one, your son. We expect him to heal adequately, but these things just take time. We’re keeping him heavily medicated as well, which can contribute to the sedation, but we want him to use as little energy as possible while he heals. It truly would have been much worse had his fiancée not given him emergency CPR at the scene.”

“You… you did that?” John’s glare softens a bit at that, astonished at your life-saving efforts, only for you to be cut off from forming any response when a pair of strong arms pull you into an embrace that knocks the wind out of you. Awkwardly, you lean into it, giving a tense hug in return to Mary, who had a deceptively good grip that forced you to linger until she was ready to pull back.

She blinks away the tears that brimmed her lashes just as quickly as they appeared, but you still catch it, as well as the slight strain to her voice when she thanks you, “Thank you for caring so much about Sam. He would… he’s going to be so grateful when he wakes up. He was… lucky you were around.” The way she says it, like it was almost hard for her to admit, makes you acutely aware that she must not say things like this too often. You were about to tell her that, no, you did what anyone would have done, but you don’t have the chance to formulate your words into an appropriate response, despite the lingering pause that permeated the hospital room, accompanying the repetitive beeping of Sam’s vitals on the monitor.

“You know what, why don’t you come to the family dinner on Sunday?” Ellen offers you a smile, trying to lighten the mood and fill the silence, “After all, you’re gonna’ be family soon enough, and we have some getting to know each other to do.”

“That’s a great idea, Ellen,” Bobby chips in with a laugh, giving a familiar pat to Sam’s calf, “This boy’s kept ya’ all to himself for long enough!”

“Wow, that’s...” you find yourself at a loss for words yet again. They all were so welcoming, so ready to take you into their homes, all looking so hopefully that you would accept the offer. Once again, your mouth does exactly the opposite of what your mind was telling it to do, and accepts the offer, “That sounds... great, actually.”

“Oh, Dean’s gonna’ love this,” Jo’s sarcastic tone draws your attention to her.

“Jo,” Ellen warns, but Jo ignores it.

“What, Mama? You know it’s true!” You raise a brow as she looks down at Sam with a sigh, “He’s gonna’ go crazy when he finds out Sam’s kept this a secret. They used to tell each other everything before, well… before. If Dean didn’t know about this, he’s gonna’ be crushed.”

“Sam and Dean are close?” you ask tentatively.

Jo looks at you like the answer is clear, before she adds, “Well, duh, they’re brothers.”

[readingsanctuary]

I started the month in a really bad reading slump, so my main goal for the month was to get over that. Thankfully I successfully revived my love and enthusiasm for reading, and managed to have a really successful reading month. I’ve never read so many books in a month before in my entire life, and I’m feeling really good about it. I picked up what I felt like, and that meant I read a lot of graphic novels.

The House with Chicken Legs – by Sophie Anderson

All 12-year-old Marinka wants is a friend. A real friend. Not like her house with chicken legs. Sure, the house can play games like tag and hide-and-seek, but Marinka longs for a human companion. Someone she can talk to and share secrets with. 

But that’s tough when your grandmother is a Yaga, a guardian who guides the dead into the afterlife. It’s even harder when you live in a house that wanders all over the world . . . carrying you with it. Even worse, Marinka is being trained to be a Yaga. That means no school, no parties–and no playmates that stick around for more than a day. 

So when Marinka stumbles across the chance to make a real friend, she breaks all the rules . . . with devastating consequences. Her beloved grandmother mysteriously disappears, and it’s up to Marinka to find her–even if it means making a dangerous journey to the afterlife. 

With a mix of whimsy, humor, and adventure, this debut novel will wrap itself around your heart and never let go.

This was such a quick, enjoyable read, and an interesting twist on the Baba Yaga story. It’s such a whimsical story, I loved all the interesting details that were woven throughout the book. I was quickly absorbed by Marinka’s life, and invested in her story. There are some really interesting themes explored throughout, and Marinka’s reactions always felt really genuine. I loved watching her character develop and grow throughout the story as she came to terms with her situation, and explored her identity. I can see why this book was released to so much praise, I’m just so glad I picked it up.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Their Fractured Light – by Amie Kaufman & Megan Spooner

A year ago, Flynn Cormac and Jubilee Chase made the now-infamous Avon Broadcast, calling on the galaxy to witness LaRoux Industries’ corruption. A year before that, Tarver Merendsen and Lilac LaRoux were the only survivors of the Icarus shipwreck, forced to live a double life after their rescue.

Now, at the center of the galaxy on Corinth, all four are about to collide with two new players in the fight against LRI. Gideon Marchant is an underworld hacker known as the Knave of Hearts, ready to climb and abseil his way past the best security measures on the planet to expose LRI’s atrocities. Sofia Quinn, charming con artist, can work her way into any stronghold without missing a beat. When a foiled attempt to infiltrate LRI Headquarters forces them into a fragile alliance, it’s impossible to know who’s playing whom–and whether they can ever learn to trust each other. With their lives, loves, and loyalties at stake, only by joining forces with the Icarus survivors and Avon’s protectors do they stand a chance of taking down the most powerful corporation in the galaxy—before LRI’s secrets destroy them all. The New York Times best-selling Starbound trilogy comes to a close with this dazzling final installment about the power of courage and hope in humanity’s darkest hour.

This book took me so long to read, it just seemed to go on forever. I know that this is mostly because of my reading slump which hit right as I was reading this book, but I also feel like a lot of this book was about moving the characters towards a meeting point where they could then go on and finish the story. It almost feels like it could have been two books in that sense. One following Sophia and Gideon, and then a final book following all the characters once they meet.

Rating: 3.5 Stars

Before She Ignites – by Jodi Meadows

Before

Mira Minkoba is the Hopebearer. Since the day she was born, she’s been told she’s special. Important. Perfect. She’s known across the Fallen Isles not just for her beauty, but for the Mira Treaty named after her, a peace agreement which united the seven islands against their enemies on the mainland.

But Mira has never felt as perfect as everyone says. She counts compulsively. She struggles with crippling anxiety. And she’s far too interested in dragons for a girl of her station.

After

Then Mira discovers an explosive secret that challenges everything she and the Treaty stand for. Betrayed by the very people she spent her life serving, Mira is sentenced to the Pit–the deadliest prison in the Fallen Isles. There, a cruel guard would do anything to discover the secret she would die to protect.

No longer beholden to those who betrayed her, Mira must learn to survive on her own and unearth the dark truths about the Fallen Isles–and herself–before her very world begins to collapse.

Why aren’t more people talking about this book? It’s just so good, I loved every minute of it. I’m actually kind of mad that I don’t have the second book ready to start right away, but I will be pre-ordering that very soon. There is so much that I like about this book, firstly, this book has actual dragons in it!

Rating: 5 Stars

Bruja Born – by Zoraida Cordova

Three sisters. One spell. Countless dead.

Lula Mortiz feels like an outsider. Her sister’s newfound Encantrix powers have wounded her in ways that Lula’s bruja healing powers can’t fix, and she longs for the comfort her family once brought her. Thank the Deos for Maks, her sweet, steady boyfriend who sees the beauty within her and brings light to her life.

Then a bus crash turns Lula’s world upside down. Her classmates are all dead, including Maks. But Lula was born to heal, to fix. She can bring Maks back, even if it means seeking help from her sisters and defying Death herself. But magic that defies the laws of the deos is dangerous. Unpredictable. And when the dust settles, Maks isn’t the only one who’s been brought back…

This was everything I hoped it would be. I really enjoyed seeing more of the world in this book. I really love the magic system and the world building. I was worried about whether I would enjoy Lula’s perspective as much as I did Alex’s, but I needn’t have worried. This book was fantastic, and I already can’t wait for the next one.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – by

A brand new edition of this essential companion to the Harry Potter stories, with a new foreword from J.K. Rowling (writing as Newt Scamander), and 6 new beasts!

A set textbook at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry since publication, Newt Scamander’s masterpiece has entertained wizarding families through the generations. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is an indispensable introduction to the magical beasts of the wizarding world. Scamander’s years of travel and research have created a tome of unparalleled importance. Some of the beasts will be familiar to readers of the Harry Potter books – the Hippogriff, the Basilisk, the Hungarian Horntail…Others will surprise even the most ardent amateur Magizoologist. Dip in to discover the curious habits of magical beasts across five continents…

I borrowed the audiobook from my local library, and I really enjoyed it. I wasn’t sure if this book could work well as an audiobook, but it really does. It’s narrated excellently by Eddie Redmayne, who is in character as Newt Scamander for the entire book. The whole thing is just really well done.

Rating: 4 Stars

Giant Days: volume 4

It’s springtime at Sheffield University — the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing, and fast-pals Susan, Esther and Daisy continue to survive their freshman year of college. Susan is barely dealing with her recent breakup with McGraw, Esther is considering dropping out of school, and Daisy is trying to keep everyone and everything from falling apart! Combined with house-hunting, indie film festivals, and online dating, can the girls make it to second year?

The Eisner Award-nominated series from John Allison (Bad Machinery, Scary Go Round) with artist Max Sarin delivers another delightful slice-of-life adventure in Giant Days Volume 4. Collects issues 13-16.

This was a birthday gift from my auntie, and I was so excited that I read it that same day. I loved it just as much as the previous volumes. It’s highly entertaining, and I definitely consider this to be one of my favourite graphic novel series.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Giant Days – by Non Pratt

Based on the hit graphic-novel series from BOOM! Studios, the publisher behind Lumberjanes, Giant Days follows the hilarious and heartfelt misadventures of three university first-years: Daisy, the innocent home-schooled girl; Susan, the sardonic wit; and Esther, the vivacious drama queen. While the girls seem very different, they become fast friends during their first week of university. And it’s a good thing they do, because in the giant adventure that is college, a friend who has your back is key–something Daisy discovers when she gets a little too involved in her extracurricular club, the Yogic Brethren of Zoise. When she starts acting strange and life around campus gets even stranger (missing students, secret handshakes, monogrammed robes everywhere . . .), Esther and Susan decide it’s up to them to investigate the weirdness and save their friend.

I really enjoyed this book, and was so happy when it lived up to the awesomeness of the comics. Non Pratt has done a fantastic job of writing something that can stand alone from the comics, while matching the tone of the comics, and making subtle nods to the source material.

My Review

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Giant Days: volume 5

Going off to university is always a time of change and growth, but for Esther, Susan, and Daisy, things are about to get a little weird.

Their freshman year is finally coming to a close and Daisy, Susan, and Esther say goodbye to Catterick Hall forever. Literally forever. It’s being bulldozed and re-purposed as a luxury dorm next semester. But as one door closes, another opens and between end of semester hookups, music festivals, and moving into their first home together, the life experiences are just getting started.

Written by Eisner Award nominee John Allison (Bad Machinery, Scary Go Round) and illustrated by Max Sarin, Giant Days Volume 5 finishes off freshman year in style, collecting issues #17-20 of the Eisner and Harvey Award-nominated series.

I’ve already said how much I love this series, and this volume changes nothing. It’s great. I love that they are showing the passage of time, and allowing the characters to move forward and progress through life. I’m really looking forward to finding out what the girls will get up to in their second year of university.

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Ms Marvel: volume 9 – by G. Willow Wilson, Nico Leon

Kamala Khan has vanished! But where has she gone, and why? Jersey City still has a need for heroes, and in the wake of Ms. Marvel’s disappearance, dozens have begun stepping up to the plate. The city’s newest super hero Red Dagger and even ordinary citizens attempt to carry on the brave fight in Kamala’s honor. Somehow, Ms. Marvel is nowhere…but also everywhere at once! Absent but not forgotten, Ms. Marvel has forged a heroic legacy to be proud of. But when an old enemy re-emerges, will anyone be powerful enough to truly carry the Ms. Marvel legacy – except Kamala herself?

COLLECTING: MS. MARVEL 25-30

This is another of my favourite ongoing graphic novel series’, and one of the only Marvel titles that I’m interested in keeping up with. I really enjoyed this volume. I liked that they focused on Kamala’s friends, and how they cope without her while also covering for the missing Ms Marvel. It was a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Rating: 4 Stars

Ancient Magus Bride volumes 2,3,4,5

Great power comes at a price…

Chise Hatori’s life has recently undergone shocking change. As a sleigh beggy–a person capable of generating and wielding tremendous magical power–she has transformed from an unwanted child to a magician’s apprentice who has been introduced to fae royalty. But Chise’s newly discovered abilities also mean a cruel fate awaits her.

I’m really enjoying this manga series, the anime is a pretty faithful adaptation so far, so no surprises, but I love the art, and I’m really enjoying reading the source material. I especially loved all the tiny details and explanations that weren’t in the anime, that really add to the story. I loved the anime, but I feel like I’m getting to know the characters and the world a bit better in this format, and I really like that. I love the magic, and the large, interesting world that’s being set out in these books. Also, I really like the bonus content in the collected volumes, it makes me so happy.

Ratings: 4 – 4.5 Stars

Sorry this post is a month late, I don’t know why I didn’t post it sooner, it’s been ready for a while. I’ve been such a mess this past month, I need to be more organised.

Want to chat, about books or anything else, here are some other places you can find me:

Twitter @reading_escape

Instagram: @readingsanctuary

Goodreads

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August Reading Wrap Up I started the month in a really bad reading slump, so my main goal for the month was to get over that.

[inthenameofthebody]

Music, Meditation, Painting—and Dreaming

A conversation with Philip Glass and Fredericka Foster

Philip Glass

and

Fredericka Foster

FALL 2021

We are on the phone, freewheeling about our practices: music, art, and meditation. Another day, we are in Philip’s kitchen, sitting at a wooden table. Behind us are comfortable couches and a private outdoor space. Philip’s partner, the artist Saori Tsukada, is working with flowers in the urban garden surrounding the house.

—Fredericka Foster

Philip Glass (PG): I was talking once to Gelek Rimpoche [1938–2017] about meditation, and I asked him, “Isn’t it just paying attention?” Yes, he said, “that’s absolutely what it is.” Meditation is a nice fuzzy word that we all like to talk about—but paying attention is placing your mind and functioning in a different way.

During the few years I have practiced meditation, I have worked with a number of texts. Say I am reading texts I have read many times—I’m thinking of the first Panchen Lama’s book on guru devotion [Lama Chöpa: The Guru Puja], which is not well understood. It is not about the guru; it is about the devotion. When I decide to really pay attention, I go back in my memory and look at some of the initiations I have taken. I watch the language change from awareness to remembering. It is possible to train the mind to increase memory.

I once asked the [scholar-teacher] Demo Rinpoche how many books he had memorized, and he replied that he wasn’t doing much memorizing at all—he thought only about 19! I’m sure it is many more now, and Gelek Rimpoche had memorized a library. The Tibetan culture cultivated the idea of memorizing. The passing on of wisdom could have been very accurate, since this was their main way of sharing information. The Tibetan lamas would memorize entire books and then, looking at a particular page, include the footnotes from other books they had read to verify a particular idea or lineage in the book they were writing themselves.

Fredericka Foster (FF): And here I am, still working to memorize all the texts that I work with daily! Memorization is also a part of a visual artist’s training. When we learn to draw, we work from reality—say, at its simplest, a still life. First we draw a series of lines to establish a compositional placement on the page. Then we memorize a line, draw it, and go back to the source to check it. We keep doing that until we have trained our hand to accurately follow our eye. Another memory exercise involved going through a pile of one thousand prints in a day and then discussing what we had seen. Or we would spend hours in front of a single painting and then sketch it out later.

PG: Culture has often been passed from one generation to the other through the power of memorization. We know the Bible was written 200 years after the birth of Christianity, so we assume it was made up. But it is possible that a sharp mind could remember very clearly and pass it along to another sharp mind, so the passing along of wisdom could have actually been very accurate, maybe more accurate than you would find in books, which are subject to typographical error, bad editions, and missing pages.

FF: Tibetan Buddhism attracts a lot of visual artists, and I suspect it is because we take easily to the many visualization exercises available for practitioners. I remember your telling me that your father taught you to play mental chess, which would certainly serve to sharpen your memory.

PG: Yes, he began doing that with his brother to pass time while they were waiting for the papers to be delivered for their paper route. And he continued playing with me and my brother.

If you go back to the 15th and 16th centuries, people didn’t write down everything. Many people didn’t write at all! One memorizing trick was to visualize a bookshelf and to actually visualize the names of the books on the shelf. I tried this once to see if it would work with a dance company in Australia. There were 20 people in the company, and we worked with them for a few days. With each member, I visualized their name on a book cover and put it in a certain location on an imaginary shelf. The last day I was able to say goodbye to each one, correctly remembering their names while looking at the bookshelf I had created in my mind. And they said, “How did you do that?” Well, what I was doing was trying to see if that thing worked. It did work.

“When that intensity of attention is applied to creating, you can’t stand outside and watch it; you have to give up the witness.”

FF: And we both did a lot of memorization in school—of poetry, speeches, and so on. It’s helpful when we memorize sutras and prayers today.

PG: All that also serves to assist us with the flow of attention. I once heard someone say he didn’t understand meditation. I said, “Forget that word; just pay attention to what you are doing.” We had been talking about infinity, and my friend suggested it was the flow of eternity, and I said that is the whole idea, the process of the mind attending to what you are doing, one moment at a time.

I find that when that intensity of attention is applied to creating, you can’t stand outside and watch it; you have to give up the witness. People ask me all the time, “Where did that music come from?” I have no idea, because all my energy went into writing the music. Since I had no awareness of myself writing, I had extra energy to increase the depth of concentration. It left me without the awareness of doing the work. I discovered that being aware of myself creating was an indulgence I couldn’t afford.

FF. It sounds like you have somehow overcome dualism when you are writing music. It’s like the state we work to achieve in order to become one with the object of meditation.

PG: Actually, when I decided to explore where music lived, I found that music comes from dreaming. I noticed I would wake up with a piece of music very clear in my mind. I thought these were stray ideas, but then I became curious where these ideas came from—the dreaming function of the mind is not ordinarily available to us. So I decided to wake up and write it down.

Recently, I was considering working on King Lear, a play I don’t like very much, and I was thinking I don’t want to write music for this. I finished the play and went to sleep. Then, at 5:30 in the morning, I heard music playing, and realized it was King Lear music and that the play was all about Lear’s relationship with his daughter; everything else was distraction. I went to the piano without hesitation. I started to write words by hand to describe the idea, then I sketched the music—a few measures. I thought it was the beginning of Lear, but actually it was the end.

FF: I keep pen and paper at my bedside and write or draw ideas as they appear. I haven’t done much with these ideas, but you are inspiring me to pay closer attention to them.

PG: Dreaming is the most personal and unique function that we don’t normally share with others. In analysis, we paid a lot of attention to dreams, but I am not talking about Freudian analysis and projecting it onto everyone else. What I learned from analysis was to give up my interest in the uninteresting—all those family issues made me bored with myself, and I didn’t have to do that anymore. Maybe the analyst knows this is what is happening. I read that during the first two hours of sleep, the mind looks at the day just past and sorts out memories to be preserved and those to be put away. The mind acts as an archivist. The creative part comes close to morning, before you wake up. When I wake up, I ask myself What was I just thinking? It is probably what I was dreaming about.

FF: Are you talking about lucid dreaming?

PG: No, but I can stand at the door of my dream and look into the room, as it were. It’s not complete, but it’s enough. Before I write, I access that dreaming state. I may never understand the dream, but what is important is that the material of the dream has become available.

FF: You encouraged me once to see the Cocteau Orphic trilogy, which inspired you to write an opera triptych. Those three films explore dreams and myths and can be watched again and again. When I moved from doing paintings exploring the symbols of faith and myth to working with images of water, I felt that I moved into metaphor and closer to the dream state. I am so relaxed looking at water. It frees my mind to wander, and I get new ideas, or watch old ones come together.

PG: The challenge of any artist is to keep the fire of creativity alive. What we mostly do is, we get good at doing something, and we keep doing it and don’t change much at all. If I look at the work of Sol LeWitt [1928- 2007], it is extraordinary, but it doesn’t change much. [Josef] Albers did manage to work with a square in a square over and over, but while they might look the same, they are not the same at all because of the influence of color.

An artist like me wants radical change. I found that the engine of change was working with new people and the new ideas they brought to the conversation. It didn’t turn into a formula, but I often did this.

Bob Wilson and I did [the opera] Einstein on the Beach, and it was very successful. To avoid doing “The Son of Einstein on the Beach,” I next did the opera Satyagraha, which was completely different. That was counterintuitive. We all want to please people. Your gallery wants you to make more of the same kind of paintings because they were successful. Most people follow success with another similar one, but I wanted to keep creative thinking alive in the process.

Every time I made a big change, I would lose a lot of people, but I would get some new ones. I found 50 percent of people liked it and 50 percent didn’t.

FF: After the Fischbach Gallery [where I regularly showed] left New York and went online, I found my work changing. I’ve always had to solve a new problem with each painting, but now I feel free to change what I was doing in a more radical way.

PG: I’ve noticed your work is changing. I have turned this change idea into a mantra: I am never happier than when I don’t know what I am doing. Still, I have moments of panic. How is this going to work? It can be very stressful trying to do new things, and I am not always completely successful, but I change as much as I can.

I discovered it was impossible not to do something familiar to some degree. When working in theater, I had to have at least one person who would come with me into a new project. I had to find a compromise about what I was willing to know and not know. I found I had to take something with me. Parts of my language would have to be the same, or my task would become impossible.

FF: In your ninth symphony, I feel like you are communing with the cosmos; there seems to be a seamless interaction between art and meditative revelation.

“I have turned this change idea into a mantra: I am never happier than when I don’t know what I am doing. Still, I have moments of panic.”

PG: Our minds are working all the time, but we can’t drive thoughts into awareness. As an artist, you are distilling your thoughts all the time, or listening to music, or paying attention to images. You are probably painting very differently now than you did when you were young, and some of that will be due to the fact that you have learned how to master your attention.

Once when I was in the mountains of Mexico with friends, we had to cross a valley to where we left our car. It looked to me like we didn’t have time to get there. If it got dark and we were in the desert, we would be in trouble. We started walking in a focused-intention kind of way—they called it a walk of attention. A walk that would have normally taken 40 minutes took 10. I had that experience of being able to pay attention to my attention, to actually cross a valley in a much shorter period of time so that we got to where we needed to in the light. We’re talking about pretty hardcore reality. The only way to do it was to command my attention to the point where I was able to make that happen. You can say “Well, you just made that up.” Of course I just made it up; how else could it have happened if I hadn’t made it up? But the fact of the matter is, I got across the valley before the sun went down. I know you’ve experienced something like that in painting.

FF: Yes, and at those times it seems that the painting paints itself. Later, I think, How did I do that? I’ve also experienced the sensation of entering the consciousness of animals, or even fish, when I have been watching water; suddenly feeling the sense of hunger and of being prey at the same moment—imagination becoming compassion. Music, art, and meditation are all means of accomplishing deep mental targeting of our feelings of interdependence and compassion.

PG: Bravo!

[randisnotonfire-blog]

Wrong Love Final Chapter? Pt.1/2? Eddie Kaspbrak X Reader Modern AU

Summary: Ah, finally, it’s fall and you all are finally 19 or 20. Your favorite season, is what you thought...That damn clown decides to come back because apparently you and everyone thought you killed him, but you didn’t. This all leads down to a reunion of the Losers club even though sadly Bev isn’t there to make you feel like not the only girl in the entire group. (Also sorry if this is shitty asf bc I didn’t plan for a part 4 :/ ) Bill made the stupid decision of having everyone go down to the Neibolt house for one “last” time to kill the fucking clown. Which this causes some horrible things to happen that includes your fear. Death.

Pairings: Eddie Kasprak X Reader, Richie Tozier X Reader

Warnings: Death, cursing, triggering scenes, chaos, some harm, graphic descriptions I guess, spoopy scenes, me trying to add in some humor to a sad and spoopy fic, and anything else that you would expect in this series!

Requested: Yes

Song: Afraid by The Neighborhood, and Suckerz by Blackbear

Authors Note, descriptive warning: Okay so hey there, honestly I felt so bland if you can even say that, writing this. I don’t know what it was, shit happens I guess you can say. Okay so this might be a little bit too long but whatever lol: So as you may know there will be a death part in this. It will be triggering to some people, even I had to get up and question what the hell was I writing. No I am not a psychopath for writing this, this is actually something that I have been questioning a lot lately; What happens when we die? Sorry if that just gave you a existential crisis, but I am being serious about this since it is not a funny topic to be discussing with someone. I do know that I need to get help about it but I feel better writing out what’s going on in reality, my thoughts, and my depression if that all makes sense. Me and my non online best friend were discussing this during lunch class on Friday but the topic then got quickly pushed passed to a new topic when my friend noticed how my attitude changed, thankfully, but still its serious as I said. I had cried one day just thinking that we will all die lately and this is a now VERY serious reason why I can’t even handle and talk about death now. But I am okay with telling you guys for some reason but yeah lets just get writing, okay? Trust me I am fine if you have any questions just tell me also I WILL talk to a professional about this so don’t even think about contacting someone for me. 

            This chapter contains triggering scenes/parts, so if you are sensitive to this please DO NOT read on. And if you are then you have been warned. Please do not try to recreate anything that goes on in this, thank you for listening to me.

       (gif credits to rightful owner <3)

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                         Before:

“Okay so why are we here?” Stan said after almost 3 hours of just hanging out and relaxing in the quarry. “Yeah we should hurry up and get home soon, its completely dark outside since this was pointless” Richie said, you rolled your eyes. “Stop it you guys, and I think we all know why we are here” Eddie said while you walked over to him. “I’m tired Eddie” You whispered in his ear as he grasped ahold of your hand. “I know” He mumbled. “And I still wonder how Eddie out of our group got a girlfriend” Richie said trying to make a joke but everyone was being serious. “Last night…” Eddie said then Richie shuffled his hands through his hair from being nervous just to confront everyone about what happened. Eddie motioned for him to say what he did as everyone else just looked at each other but mainly just looking at Richie, “Dude I can’t tell them” Richie said quietly but stern, “Just tell them” Stan said awkward patting Richie’s shoulder. “Wait you know!? Y/n who did you tell!?” Richie said loudly from stress. “Just Eddie, but Stan just found out” you said quietly, shuffling your feet through the grass and dirt, “Just fucking tell them Rich!” Eddie said getting a little bit pissed off from Richie’s actions. “T-this is s-stupid” Bill said pointing to the three of you, “Fine!” Richie said rather loudly. “I fucking hit Y/n, are you happy that I told you now?!” Richie said yelling at everyone. You rested your head on Eddie’s shoulder. “I wish this was just a bad dream” you whispered to Eddie, trying to hide your face from everyone. Everyone was wordless, “You are all just a bunch of assholes” Richie said before walking away from the motionless astounded group. “S-seriously? Y-y/n d-did Richie rea-really do t-that?” Bill managed to speak out. You nodded and watched as everyone said their goodbyes and goodnights and left except for Stan.

              “Sorry Y/n” Stan said as he lightly punched your shoulder lightly, “Night” he said when he walked off and waved.

                       “Come on Y/n lets leave” Eddie said as he took your hand and walked off with you to his house.

Extended:

      “Eddie honestly I don’t think I want to deal with this drama anymore...” you said softly when you both walked into your house. “W-what do you mean?” he said with nervousness flooding through the pastel voice Eddie had. “I mean that I don’t want to be around anymore! Couldn’t you tell that I have been stressed and this bullshit with all these TV stereo typical love shit like fucking Twilight is stupid. I didn’t sign up for this when I decided to hang out with your friends and I don’t even want to be around them anymore Eddie. I can’t deal with these, You and Richie are like the worst part of my life now!” You tried not to yell but instead you felt stressful tears fall down from both of you. “If that’s what you really fucking want Y/n then I’m done with your drama, you can deal with Richie on your own” He poked your chest when he said ‘You’ then left slamming the door shut. You had never felt this regretful in your entire life. 

                                      *              *             *

You peared looking out your foggy early morning window, watching a specific golden leaf fall that had caught your attention. “Y/n?” Eddie said as he walked into your room to see you sitting at one of your chairs, looking outside. “mhm?” You said softly. “Your mom said I could come in” “Okay” “are you okay?” He said as he sat on the floor next to you. “Yeah I guess...why are you even here though...” “You haven’t been answering my calls...” You opened your mouth to speak but it closed in fear of telling him the real truth: that you have been staying in your room for the entire week watching TV and browsing your social medias, avoiding him at school. And this was all because of that one night. “I’m sorry Eddie..for everything” You said as you averted your attention to him. Remembering that night after the drama filled week, when Eddie crawled back to you because he thought he had been the main source of all of this made you still heartbroken for saying those hurtful words to him. “It’s fine but your mom wants us to come downstairs” you nodded then got up from your sitting position and left the room with Eddie. 

     “Hi sweetie” Your mom said with a smile as she finished chopping up some food for dinner tonight. “Hey” “Eddie wanted to know if you both could go out, so I said only if it was okay with you” You nodded then said sure. “so do you want to leave now” “Yeah” “Okay be safe and please make smart choices, bye Eddie and tell your mom I said ‘Hi’ okay?” you rolled your eyes at your moms total obliviousness for being over-protective. “I will Mrs. L/n (last name)” You smiled then he grabbed your hand in a hurry to leave. When you guys got outside you quickly let go of his. “Where are we going and why did you do that? My mom knows about the fight and the breakup Eddie...She was at the house..during the fight..it was awkward having to explain to her..” “She knows everything?!” Eddie said as he let go of your hand too. “Yeah, she does. Now tell me where we are going before I go walk back home” You said. “Neibolt house...” you rolled your eyes thinking he had to have been lying to you. “I’m being serious Y/n..Wait don’t you have that nail bat in your garage?” “Yeah...” You said trying not to think about the last time you got dragged there, how your fear then was clowns and now it’s death. “Go get it..” You rolled your eyes yet again since he wanted you to have a weapon at least. “Fine” you muttered then ran back to get it, then ran back again back to him.

                                                  *              *            *

    “We’re here” Eddie said as he looked at Bill then at Mike. “Good” “Okay so why are we here?” You interrupted their planning time. “why else do you think we are here Y/n” Richie hissed. “Shut up, and the clown. Don’t you remember?” Stan said and smiled from seeing your presence after two years without the Losers club. “Yeah obviously” “Has she always been this bitchy?” Richie whispered loudly to Mike. “Shut up Richie” Mike hissed back, Richie shrugged his shoulders. “W-wh-we need to h-hu-hurry up” Bill stuttered out. You all nodded your heads in agreement. Eddie grasped your hand before you all walked in, giving you a small smile you gave him a smile back. You picked up your nailed bat and walked in with him. 

     Walking in you checked your phone to see what time it was, but saw that you received no signal in there gave you chills. Putting your phone back in your back pocket of your ripped jeans you looked around. “This place is even more shitty than I remember, if that’s even possible” You muttered. “Yeah...” Eddie said as he saw the dusty book shelves and the broken TV. “Ke-keep your b-bat with y-yo-you Y-y/n” Bill said quietly. Richie was walking around and ended up getting split up with the rest of the group. Stan stayed closer to you than possible, and this was only because he and Eddie were the only two people out of the group who REALLY did care about your safety. “Where did trashmouth go..?” Eddie said as he let go of your hand to try and find him. “I think he went upstairs” you spoke when you felt the softness leave your hand. Then suddenly Mike got split up from the others, then the same happened for everyone else. Stan went looking for Bill,Mike went looking for you, and Eddie went looking for Richie. Which left you alone upstairs, straight to the point you were upstairs in a locked room.

      “Get away” you screamed at the top of your lungs when you saw a man who represented your fear. Death, murders, and being forgotten. You don’t know what struct your fear for being murdered but it all just happened when your friend died in a car crash. Thinking about dying and never knowing what will happen after left you in tears from that day. You were screaming and crying whilst banging on the door in hopes it would open up. You heard yelling outside the door, it was everyone and they all sounded scared and worried as hell. Anxiety rode up on you like a jackass trying to get around your car but instead their car is so close to yours. “Somebody please help me!” You cried out. When the door finally busted open everything went black. Your last thoughts were: “I’m dead, this is the end of Y/n.” Everyone screamed when they saw blood and your body. Some were motionless but everything was too real that it made it scary. “S-so-somebody d-do s-so-something!” Bill screamed. Eddie was in tears and ran out but ended up falling just like the first time this happened. Then he screamed and Richie came running to help him. Mike just stood there motionless because this reminded him of all that happened to his family. Bill and Stan tried to wake you up but failed. “M-my mom s-said that i-if you c-check someone’s p-pulse it t-tells you if they ar-are dead” Stan said, he only stuttered when he was nervous or scared. Bill nodded and checked your pulse but received nothing “SHE IS FUCKING DEAD!!” Stan screamed at the top of his lungs. Mike was crying and everything was a full on chaotic mess. Quickly Stan yelled at Mike to help them pick you up to at least get you all outside and somewhat safe. 

                                         *                 *               *

     “Richie I said there is a fucking inhaler in the second fanny pack outside!” Eddie screamed in between breathes. “OKAY OKAY I WILL GO GET IT” Richie said running outside. “Don’t forget the fucking bat!” Mike yelled. “Pick the damn thing up then!” Stan yelled at him back, then Mike picked it up and helped them carry you downstairs. “Y/n?” Eddie said when he saw Bill and Stan trying to carry your limp and heavy body downstairs. “What the fuck!” Richie screamed then threw Eddie’s fanny pack at Eddie. He caught the fanny pack then tried his best to get his inhaler. When he found it he practically took all the air the inhaler had. “Here” Mike gave Richie the nailed bat. “Is she even breathing!?” “Can’t Eddie like give her his inhaler?” Richie said. “Nah dipshit!” Eddie yelled when he saw your limp hand move from Bill and Stan trying to move outside. Then to make everything worse that fucking demon clown appeared. This was some Stranger Things shit because that fucking clown was coming out of the wall. “What the-AHHHHHHH” Eddie screamed at the top of his lungs, he got up and bolted out of the house. Richie ended up trying to chase down Eddie to make his slow down and calm down to. Mike helped Stan and Bill get you out safely. When you were all outside Richie was still chasing Eddie to make him stop running. “EDS SLOW THE FUCK DOWN” Richie screamed at Eddie. “Is she okay, wait what do you mean she isn’t breathing?!” Mike said in a scared tone. “This is fucking stupid!” Stan said loudly then let go of your body. “I’m going home, I don’t want to touch a dead girl...” Stan said and got in car, driving off to his house. “Asshole” mike muttered then noticed your tiny body was crushing Bill. “H-help me!” Bill said while Mike went over to help up your body. “H-how are w-we g-go-going to t-tell h-he-her parents?!” Bill spazzed out. “We a-al-already l-lu-lost G-Ge-Georgie!” Bill managed to stutter out. “Calm down, we need to atleast get Richie to give us a ride to her house” “M-mu-mike HOW A-ARE WE GOING TO TELL H-HER MO-MOM!?” Bill yelled out with stress. “I got h-him” Richie said as he had Eddie following him. “He ran like a fucking mile..past 29-Neibolt street...” Richie said as his speech slowed down from running. “It’s not my fault that there was a fucking cLOWN COMING OUT OF THE WALL!” “Calm down you guys! We need a ride to Y/n’s house” Mike said then looked at the ground. “Yeah I guess you can get a ride home from me...” Richie said. “H-how are w-we going to tell Mrs. L/n (Last name)..” “We just tell her” Eddie spoke up. 

     The drive up there was awkward for the 4 boys to be in a car with a what seemed to be dead friend. “I can’t believe I’m in a fucking car with my dead fucking ex!” Eddie muttered. “This is crazy!” His last mutters turned his new words into slight yelling. “Calm down! We will get this taken care of!” “Mike seriously, I agree with Eddie. How the hell are we going to tell the fucking cops?! Or even her mom!?” Richie said. “All th-they will t-th-think is t-th-that w-we kil-killed h-her” Bill said softly and quietly. “See! Even Richie and Bill think this is crazy!” Eddie went to get his inhaler. “I’m fucking out!” He yelled and his breathing got worse. “Bill or Mike there should be a extra inhaler lying around in the back seat somewhere” (FUCKING REDDIE RIGHT THERE M8 OFC RICHIE WOULD HAVE AN EXTRA INHALER!! lmao) “Okay” 

                                        *               *              *

           Richie nearly ran over a old ladys mailbox when parking, “Slow down man!” Mike yelled. “Shush it I know how to drive!” Eddie rolled his eyes. “I don’t feel good about this...” Eddie said quietly. “You’re the one who said we do this!” Richie said as he turned off the car and turned to look at everyone else, and at your dead body...”Who votes that Eddie tells Y/n’s mom?” Richie spoke up. Everyone raised their hand and Eddie groaned. “You guys suck” (Insert Richie making another dick joke lmao) “Not as hard as I do” Richie said with a smirk.  “Toizer, are you hinting that you’re gay?” Mike said (Eddie needs his gay inhaler rn during this part lmao). He rolled his eyes then Eddie got out of the car. 

    When Eddie knocked on the door his entire heart sunk and he felt the need to cry. In Eddie’s mind he was just thinking that this was stupid, like seriously? Showing up at your ex girlfriend’s house to tell her MOTHER that she is fucking dead because of a psycho ass bitch clown? He took a deep sigh then the door swung open. It. Was. Her. Fucking. Dad. Eddie was now screaming internally. “H-hey Mr. L/n” Eddie forced himself to give out a pain-killing smile. “Hiya Eddie, where is Y/n” Your dad said. “YourdaughterisfuckingdeadtherewasafuckingclownthatkilledherandIdon’tknowwhatodopleasedontfuckingkillmeiminnocentashellunlikeRichie!” Eddie said fastly before he ran back to the car before your dad grabed his shoulder, forcing him to stop. “Did you just say Y/n is dead?” your dad said sternly but concerned. “Y/m/n (Your mom’s name)” Your dad called out loudly. “Yes?” Your mom said when she walked out. “Oh hi Eddie, where is Y/n?” Your mom smiled brightly then her smile turned into a frown. “is she really dead Eddie?” Her voice cracked with depression. Eddie nodded then Richie and everyone else got out of his dumpy car. Stan, Bill, Mike, and Richie came walking up and stood next to Eddie. “Richie Tozier are you seriously okay with my ‘dead’ daughter’s body in your car?!” Your dad’s voice raised. “Y-yes. I really am. If it was anyone else then I probably wouldn’t even be able to have him or her near my car” Richie spoke the truth which made your moms heart sink. “I wouldn’t want to ever call the ambulance or the cops on you guys, but I have to” Your mom said then went inside. “Please..Come inside” Your dad motioned for them all to come inside. 

      They all took a seat on the couch, “Bill!” your little sister yelled out as she ran into the living room with her friend. “Y/s/n! (Your sister’s name)” Bill said when he saw the little 6 year old girl, he smiled softly when she hugged his leg since she was short for her age. “Where is Y/n?” She said then sat down next to him. As if on cue your mom came walking in and picked up Y/s/n. “S-she is at the- skate factory with her other friends” Your mom forced a fake smile and Bill nodded at her. “Thank you” he mouthed to her and your mom walked into a different room. “Why is she still at the skate factory then?” Your sister’s friend asked Bill quietly. Bill tried to not cry when he remembered seeing her play around with Georgie, when Mike saw Bill’s reaction to the little girl he chimed in. “S-she is a-uh sick..She refused t-to leave” Richie then texted Mike. “Nice reply dipshit” then when Mike got the text he responded back saying: “Bite me” 

       The police and ambulence sirens got louder and the little girl ran into your sister’s room. You had been quickly taken to the hospital, everybody had to tag along but your sister’s little friend couldn’t because her mom wouldn’t allow her to. 

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     Extended:

     Stan, Eddie, Richie, Your sister, mom, and dad were the people who decided to stay. Stan, Eddie, and Richie all had to watch your little sister in the waiting room while your mom and dad were talking to the doctors. “Richie wake up!” Your sister called out as she tugged on his shirt. It was 11pm and they were fighting to stay awake but Richie fell asleep knowing him. “What?” Richie said. Eddie was wide awake and nervously sitting in the middle of Stan and Richie. “Boys, me and Mr. L/n (your last name) are gonna watch Y/n’s little sister for a bit so you all can go check in on her, okay?”  Your mom called out. “Richie wake the fu- I mean wake up” Eddie said as he quickly got up and walked into your room with Stan and Richie. “Y/n?” they called out but received no answer. “You guys can I have some alone time...?”  Richie and Stan nodded and left.

      “Y/n...I’m sorry for everything I put you through” Eddie said breaking down when he took a seat next to you. “Even though you are my moon and my stars, doesn’t mean that its wrong for you to be my ex along with that. Even though people say its considered wrong to be best friends with your ex we proved them wrong” Eddie’s voice cracked from crying. “If I knew you were going to die then my last words to you wouldn’t have been about that stupid nailed bat...” “And we all did really care about you Y/n”  The tear drops from his heavy eyes fell onto your pale skin and the white bed sheets on the hospital bed. “I really do love you Y/n” and now I guess you can say that was the last words Eddie said to you. Now the sounds of the machine beeping that showed you had been alive now stopped. And everything was done. Forever. 

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[chefgeofframsay]

Safe And Sound 10/15

Title: Safe And Sound Chapter: 10/15 Pairing: Eventual Michael/Reader Rating: PG-13 for the series Word Count: 6,678 Summary: Six months ago, your life was turned upside down when you won a recording contract on a singing contest reality show. It’s been a blur since then, and things were looking up for you, but people were starting to cross the line with you, putting your safety in danger. At the urging of your label, your manager found you a bodyguard that you could connect with, someone who would be a friend on the lonely nights of traveling. However, instead of getting the bodyguard that oozed masculinity, you got Michael. A/N: Would you look at that, I’ve actually finished it! We’re winding down to the last chapters, and that means you’ll finally see the end. I have it queued up to post on Fridays, once a week until it’s done! 

After what seemed like a full year of preparing for the tour, you were finally kicking off in LA. There were such a mess of emotions rolling around inside of you, but as far as you could tell, it was mostly excitement that you were finally getting where you’ve been working towards for years. In reality, before the contest, you were almost positive that singing as career was just a pipe dream; you’d never be able to do it, and you’d just have to accept that. Then, a year ago to the day (which when you thought about it, you were sure the record company planned it out that way on purpose) that you were announced as the winner of that silly singing show that you weren’t even sure was worth taking the time off from work to go audition for, you were starting your first tour. It was absolutely insane to you, in the best way possible. You and your band had been practicing for weeks, but as you sat on the stage of the Staples Center, looking out at all the empty seats that the record company told you were going to be completely full, you felt as if someone had knocked the wind out of you.

 “You good down there?” A voice from somewhere above you shook you from your thoughts. You looked around wildly until you found the source: a short guy with bright green hair. Jeremy was your drummer, and he was busting his ass as much as you were, if not more so. He was one hell of a drummer, and you just kept thanking him (and the rest of the band for that matter) for agreeing to come along with you. Jeremy just laughed every time.

 “Yeah, yeah,” you told him, smiling tiredly up from where you were sitting. You had perched yourself on a riser, and sat down to think.

 “You sure about that?” chuckled Jeremy, plopping down next to you. “You’ve been staring out to the seats for a solid five minutes, [Y/N]. I was starting to worry you were trying to find the best way out of here and bail on us.”  You opened your mouth to protest, but in order to give him a more exact amount of time you were ‘staring out’ you hit the button on your phone to turn it on to the lock screen. Your mouth snapped shut as you caught sight of the time your phone was displaying. He wasn’t wrong. It had been five minutes of you lost in your own thoughts, but it felt like a few seconds.

 “I wasn’t thinking about how to bail,” you promised, giving Jeremy a tired smile. “It’s just insane to think how different my life was a year ago today compared to…” you trailed off, motioning towards the empty seats.

 “You’d won the contest already a year ago, right?” he asked, and you nodded. “Then it was already different than it was two years ago. No need to freak out about it now.”

 “I’m not freaking out.” You rolled your eyes, chuckling. “I know I had already gotten used to the cameras, and I had gotten to sing to a room this big, and there’s the fact people watched it on tv and online and stuff…” you trailed off, rubbing at your face. “But I had only just won a year ago. No one had put the kind of resources into me they have now. It was all funneled into the show and I was just kind of there. But now, I’m the whole damn show.”

 Jeremy sighed, and you could tell he was trying to think about what to say. A few times, he’d made a noise like he started to say a word, decided against going in that direction, and then fell silent for another few seconds. Then, he let out a quiet ‘aha!’ and nudged you. He pointed to the left of us, and when you looked over, you saw a tall, lanky guy with a camera, right light on, pointing towards you. You raised your eyebrows and looked over at the green-haired drummer.

 “What’s your point?” you asked, confused why he felt the need to point Cole, the camera operator, out.

 “Think about it, [Y/N]! Not that much has changed. You’re still performing to thousands, and you still have cameras following you around. All that’s really changed is a shift in how the money gets divided up. If anything, it’s a good sign they’re giving you more,” he explained. “Just take a deep breath. It’s natural to feel freaked but chill! If nothing else, you’ve got a kick ass band that can carry you.”

 “Yeah?” you laughed, feeling more at ease than you were a moment ago. You hadn’t noticed that crushing feeling on your chest for what it was, but now that it eased, you realized just how anxious you were about it. “What makes you so sure?”

 “Because, a band’s only as good as its drummer,” Jeremy told you seriously. “And I’m a kick-ass drummer.” The both of you laughed, and you were very glad to have someone like Jeremy on your side. He stood up, still chuckling and offered his hand to pull you to your feet. You took it and he surprised you with just how little effort it took him to pull you up off the ground.

 “Don’t think too much about it, kid,” Jeremy sighed, “it’s not worth it. Once you turn those lights on, you can’t see them anyway.”

 “You’re right,” you agreed, “when we were on the show, I think they had to just point me in the direction of where the judges were sitting so I could sing to them. Because I had no shot of actually seeing them.” You laughed at the thought, remembering how they used to mark spots off for the performers during rehearsals for that reason. You hadn’t been the only one properly blinded by the lights, at least.

 The rest of your day was more or less a blur. Despite the fact you’d been up for six or seven hours for rehearsals, it was only one in the afternoon. Since the show wasn’t until eight, there was still hours for the record company to fill for you. At one, your tour manager, Trevor, ushered you out of the Staples Center, Michael appearing by the doorway when you haven’t seen him in hours, and into a car.

 “So, where are we going? Lunch, maybe?” you asked hopefully. Trevor shot you a look and then shook his head.

 “Sorry, [Y/N]. You have an interview with one of the biggest radio stations in the country at two,” he told you, “but then I promise we’ll find you lunch. You’ll have some time between this interview and the next.”

 “How many do I have between now and the show?”

 Trevor consulted his phone, sighing heavily. “It looks like…five. Which I think will be the worst of it,” he answered, clicking through tabs on his phone. “At least, as far as I can tell, this is the worst of it.”

  “Makes sense, I guess,” you conceded, sitting back in the seat. “Everyone’s in LA, more or less.” You looked over at Michael, who had taken a spot next to you, and offered him a slight smile. Since the tour rehearsals, you’d spent less time with him recently. He was around, Michael was always around, he was your bodyguard, but you were working hard to perfect songs so they could not be garbage live. You were more about the singing than the theatrics, which the record company respected, but a good show had show-like qualities to it, and there were new things for you to learn too. Where not to stand at the beginning of a song, and how the audience could get involved. There were way too many moving parts, and every waking second of your life had been dedicated to them. Pair that along with the fact that you were finally living in your new home, and not in Michael’s apartment anymore, and it made sense that seeing him next to you now was like seeing an old friend for the first time in ages.

 “Think you’re up to it all?” Michael asked suddenly, a few minutes after the car had pulled out onto the highway.

 “The interviews?” you asked, a confused tone in your voice. “I can talk about myself, and the tour, I guess.”

 Michael chuckled in that way that made you feel like it was at you rather than with you, but it didn’t bug you nearly as much as it once did; you were used to it with him by now. “Not what I meant. I meant the whole thing. The shows, the interviews, the traveling. You think you’ll be good?” he explained, giving you a curious look.

 “Kind of have to be, I guess,” you answered, frowning. “Can’t back out now.”

 “You cannot,” he agreed, glancing out the window as the car pulled into a parking lot. It was a standard with Michael that when you showed up somewhere that he scanned it the same way he always did, and this time was no different. He undid his seatbelt, opening the door, and slid out. He waited for you, pulling himself up to his fullest height.

 As you got out of the car and stepped past him, Michael grabbed you to stop you long enough to whisper in your ear. “You’re going to kick its ass.”

 You were a little dazed as you continued towards the door, Michael close by at all times, and waved at the fans behind the barrier. Your face felt hot, and you just kind of followed, not really thinking where you were going. You were too busy thinking about the vote of confidence from Michael, and how close he’d been. That distance was hardly new, but that felt different. You weren’t sure what to even make of it.

 “[Y/N]!” A woman with long dark hair was standing near the reception desk, beaming. “I’m Marissa, one of the producers for the show. I’m here to lead you back into the studio.” She glanced around at Michael, frowning slightly. “I’m afraid we don’t have a ton of room back there, so your boyfriend wil…” she started, but Michael cut her off.

 “I’m her bodyguard,” he snapped in a gruff voice. “She goes nowhere without me, got it?”

 Marissa paused, nodding. “Riiiight,” she said awkwardly, and turned her attention instead to Cole, who had followed you in, camera still over his shoulder, always filming. “And the record company gave us the heads up about the camera. I’m afraid we can’t let you into the room where [Y/N] will be, but you’ll have access to the audio after the fact, and we found you a spot by the window so you can see in, no problem.” Cole offered her thumbs up, and she smiled again.

 “Sorry,” you apologized.

 “Don’t even worry about it.” She waved away your apology and then motioned at the door to the left of her. “Let’s get you to the studio before Rocky has a meltdown that his guest isn’t here five minutes early.” Rocky, and the show, was definitely something you recognized. You weren’t sure why, you really didn’t listen to the radio, but you of this show. That must have been a good sign. It was popular enough that you knew it and you never turned your radio on. This was good exposure.

 You followed the producer down the hall, casting a sideways glance at your bodyguard. Michael was pretty stone-faced, and you know it was part of the façade, part of his job, but it was weird to see him like that. He wasn’t the most emotive person to begin with, but purposely having no emotion had its own look. You thanked the woman as she led you into the actual room where the radio show took place, smiling at the man who was standing up to shake your hand.

 “Rocky,” he introduced, giving your hand a firm squeeze. “Have to say, I’m excited to see you here, [Y/N]. I think we’ll have a fun hour.”

 “I hope so!” you exclaimed, “I’m really excited to be here.” You took a seat where a microphone and headphones were waiting for you. After a minute or two of small talk, mostly to test the levels and make sure you could also hear, you were getting the signal you were about to go live. You sat on your hands, taking a few deep breath to calm your nerves. You caught Michael’s eye from where he was standing in the corner of the room, clearly out of the way but there if you were to need him, and he gave you the slightest nod. You took it as a nod of encouragement and felt a little better.

 “Welcome back everybody!” Rocky said into the microphone, his voice suddenly different from the one he had just used. He was more upbeat and a little bit louder; it was a stage voice. Everyone had one. “This is Rocky here on LA 109.7, playing all the hits and getting the scoop for you every day! Speaking of getting the scoop, we’re joined in the studio by [Y/N]! You might remember her as America’s sweetheart from that singing competition we can’t legally name on air,” he chuckled. “How are you doing, [Y/N]?”

 “Pretty good!” you answered, smiling over at him, “Have to say, a little nervous to be doing my first radio interview so please, don’t be too mean. I don’t have a scoop for you anyway.” You giggled nervously, flexing your fingers under your legs.

 “Oh, I don’t know about that,” Rocky chided, “you’re about to embark out on your first ever US tour.”

 “First ever tour, period,” you corrected, shaking your head. “We kick off tonight at the Staples Center and then if there’s an area, I’m sure I’ll be visiting it throughout the next seven months.”

 “Tickets are sold out, and have been for weeks,” he explained for the benefit of the listeners, “but here on LA 109.7, we’ve still got two tickets to give away. That’ll be coming up soon after [Y/N] goes, so keep an ear out and tuned in. But how are you doing, [Y/N]? Think you’re up for the challenge?”

 “I certainly hope so!” you answered, “I have a really, really great band and we’ve been busting our butts, getting ready for this tour. There’s going to be a lot of really great things going on. I cannot wait to get out there and for people to see it.”

 “Is there going to be a meet and greet?”

 “There is?” you told him, though it came out as more of a question. The look on Rocky’s face certainly made you nervous.

 “So, there’s going to be more of an opportunity for people to get up and close with [Y/N],” he stated.

 “I guess so? I’m always for taking pictures and talking to people,” you explained, “I wouldn’t be here without my fans, it only seems fair.”

 “It seems like a lot goes with you and fans,” he laughed. “I remember hearing about you and a real lucky guy in a McDonald’s parking lot.” You winced. That was one of the instances that led to Michael.

 “It was an In-N-Out parking lot,” you corrected, deflating slightly. “And that was really not cool on his part. I don’t mind people entering my personal bubble but that was…excessive.”

 “You don’t mind people in your personal bubble,” Rocky repeated. With that, you noticed him stand up, pulling his microphone with him. “What counts as excessive?” he added, “for the fans, we can figure it out.” With that, he started to advance on you, and in that moment, you realized why you knew Rocky and his show. He was one of those radio djs that was constantly pushing celebrities too far, and coasting off the popularity of their freak outs.

 “I really don’t…” you started, but the microphone was shoved from you when Michael stepped in, putting himself between you and Rocky.

 “Sit down,” Michael hissed, looking up at the radio dj who was a fair few inches taller than him. Rocky just laughed in his face.

 “Listeners, [Y/N]’s bodyguard is a small man,” Rocky said into the microphone, “who doesn’t want us to find out, for you, just how close you can get in a meet and greet.” You couldn’t see Michael’s face from where you were sitting, really just the small of his back and his shoulder, but you could see Rocky’s face. He was still laughing, but he had something more resembling fear on his face, eyes looking Michael up and down. Michael’s fists were clenched, muscles taut, and something tells you the look on his face was less than friendly.

 “Sit down, or I’ll make you sit down,” Michael told him, and he wasn’t yelling, but he was definitely angry. He advanced on Rocky, and Rocky chuckled uncomfortably.

 “I’m going to sit down now,” Rocky said, and he backed into his seat.

 The rest of the hour was, for lack of a better word, awkward. The studio was obviously trying to choke the questions by screening callers before they took them, and the questions were about what you were there to talk about, but the vibe was different. The best they could do is just let the hour play out quietly.

 You were incredibly glad when it was over.

 “Who fucking scheduled that fucker?” Michael snapped at Trevor once everyone was back in the car.

 “It wasn’t me,” Trevor said defensively, and then turned to you. “I’m sorry, [Y/N]. I didn’t know why I knew Rocky’s name until it was too late. I would have warned you if I knew.”

 “It’s fine, Trevor,” you told him, “I had the same issue.”

 “It’s not fine,” Michael interjected, “It’s about damn time they started taking not throwing [Y/N] to the wolves seriously.” As the car passed a strip mall, Michael pointed at a building. “We need to stop there,” he stated.

 “We don’t have time,” Trevor told him, “You can’t just…”

 “You promised she could have food,” Michael said flatly. “It’s In-N-Out, we’ll go through the drive-thru and [Y/N] can eat in the car.”

 “Oh god, please?” you asked, giving Trevor a pleading look. “I haven’t eaten since seven.”

 “Fine,” he sighed, “we’ll cut it close, but you do need to eat.”

 With that, the driver was pulling into the turn lane to get into the strip mall. You looked over at Michael, offering him a smile in thanks. He just shrugged it off before looking away from you, out the window he was sitting next to. He had been acting differently since the tour started, which might have been there were different needs. He needed to do his job differently. Be less personal with you, you figured. Though, in the moments when the camera weren’t around, like when you were leaving the car, it was more like the days spent in his apartment. You just weren’t sure where the two of you stood these days, but you hoped you’d figure it out sooner rather than later.

  The rest of the interviews lined up for before the concert were blissfully more normal than the radio show. The next interview was a TV spot, and you’d walked into the studio with the In-N-Out cup still in your hand, but Trevor quickly plucked it from your hands as you were ushered towards the makeup station. Understandably, you were nervous about how it’d end up, but the hosts, two girls maybe not older than you, were infinitely kinder. After that interview, you were heading back to the Staples Center to meet your last interviewers of the day. Magazine reporters were a lot less demanding. The cameras for the youtube show disappeared after a little while, as there were times they technically weren’t cleared to shoot. They’d been fine at the radio station, but they’d only gotten a few minutes at the TV station before they had to turn off.

 After all of that was finally done, you were excited to finally be getting towards the show. You’d been practicing for ages now, and a few hours from that moment, you’d be getting on the stage, and starting to sing. As you fidgeted around backstage, sharing a few laughs with the band who were probably trying their best to keep you calm. You knew, at least in Jeremy’s case, this wasn’t his first rodeo. He’d toured with a few other solo artists the record company represented, and he’d told you a little bit about it when you’d first met. He’d probably seen artists freak out before their first show, and he was trying to keep you from doing that.

 “You have to get ready,” Trevor was telling you before you knew it, ushering you towards the dressing room. “Jon and Ashley are dying to get their hands on you.”

 “What?” you asked nervously, giving him a deer in the headlights look. Trevor chuckled, motioning towards a door he’d stopped in front of.

 “Don’t worry, they’re harmless,” he chuckled. “They’ve just been talking about clothes slash hair slash makeup collections and I think they’re just eager to finally get to it.”

 “Oh boy,” you sighed, but laughed. Admittedly, that stuff was kind of fun but if they had been talking about it for ages, you were certainly in for something. You grabbed the handle, rolling your eyes as Trevor gave you a smile and two thumbs up, and headed into the dressing room.

 “You’re here!” The man sitting on the couch jumped up, beaming.

 “I’m here,” you responded, giggling awkwardly as the man with long brown hair came towards you, arms outstretched.

 “I’m Jon,” he introduced, pulling you into a quick but bone-crushing hug. For someone for tall and kind of lanky, he was surprisingly strong. He points over towards the blonde on the couch who’s smiling up at you, phone in hand as if she’d been mid-text message. “That’s Ashley. We’re here to make you look as cool as humanly possible.”

 “There’s not much you can do with this,” you laughed, motioning at yourself, “in an attempt to be cool. I’m hopelessly lame.”

 “Nah,” Ashley disagreed, “you’ve got all the makings of cool. And we’re here to help.”

 “If you say so,” you said, shaking your head but smiling. “Where do we start?”

 “Clothes,” Jon informed, nudging you and pointing towards the rack of clothes on the other side of the room. “I’ve got some stuff picked out that I think will work for you, but you never really know until you try it on. I tried my best to pick out stuff like what you’ve been wearing. Stuff I saw on the show, in paparazzi shots, and make it a little more showy.”

 “You went through all the outfits I’ve been wearing in pictures?” you asked incredulously, heading towards the rack. You began to sift through all the outfits put neatly together on hangers, stopping on a few of them to give them a closer look. Every time you did, Jon would pluck it off the rack.

 “Of course I did,” he said shortly, “it was part of my job. It’d be dumb to put you in something that isn’t your style, no matter how good you might look in it.” When you were done going through the rack, Jon had four or five outfits in his arms. “Why don’t you try these on, see what we’re working with here.” He brought them over to a corner of the room with a screen set up, dropping them onto another empty rack. He left you over there, moving the screen a little to make sure you were definitely out of view of the rest of the room.

 Deciding to try on a pair of jeans and a tank top, the easiest outfit to get into and out of by the looks of it, you stripped down and pulled on the jeans. You were honestly amazed just how well they seemed to fit you. They sat comfortably on you, and they seemed to hug your legs. Rather than just fitting one part of you, it fit every part of you. You pulled on the tank top to see that it sat in all the right places on the top half of your torso, and flowed out flatteringly on the bottom half. You slid out from behind the screen, biting your lip as you waited to be judged.

 “Fun thing about this one,” Jon started, looking at you and walking a full circle around you, “is the outfit’s not done.” With that, he vanished into a section of clothing, and there was the sound of hangers sliding on the rack. After a moment, he reappeared with a couple different things: a flannel shirt with sleeves that matched the denim of your jeans, a field jacket, and a leather jacket. “Try this one,” he told you, shoving the flannel/denim shirt in your direction. You did so, looking at Jon as you waited for his opinion.

 “What do you think?” he asked, waiting expectantly. “I’m not the one wearing it.” You laughed awkwardly, not used to someone asking for your opinion. It was more like everyone else made the decisions, Ryan, the executives, Michael, and Trevor told you what to do, and in Jon asking you what you thought you realized how long it’d been since someone had.

 “I…don’t feel uncomfortable?” you told him, sounding unsure. “This feels like something I’d have bought myself. I’m a little confused about the denim sleeves, but I’m not mad at it.”

 “It doesn’t look bad on you,” Jon said honestly, “but let’s try the jackets. See if either of them call to you.” The field jacket, while cute, seemed to you (and Jon) that it was something more for an interview or a photoshoot or just going shopping than something to wear on stage. The leather jacket seemed to be more of the same.

 “Flannel shirt it is!” Jon exclaimed, tossing it back to you. Once you’d pulled it back on, Jon looked at it, making a face. “Do you mind if I tweak it a little?” he asked, and you shook your head. He pulled at it a little, straightening out the way it was sitting on you, and rolled up the sleeves to the elbow. He then busied himself in a box and came out with a handful of enamel pins. “Pick a few?”

 “This one’s super cute,” you said, pointing at an avocado with a smiley face on the pit, “and this one.” You picked out a smaller one of fries. Jon laughed, picking them with his free hand, as well as a couple other foods.

 “I like the way you think, kid,” he told you, “foods it is!” He put the two smallest pins, the fries and a burger, on the collar of your shirt and then just spread out the rest of the pins between the two sides, all by the collarbone. “And now, I think you’re done.”

 “No she’s not,” snorted Ashley from the couch. Jon looked over at her and rolled his eyes.

 “Yeah yeah, hair and makeup first,” he said, making a face.

 “Not what I meant,” Ashley laughed and pointed to your feet. You and Jon both looked down to see you weren’t wearing shoes. “Unless she’s going to be Tom Cruise in Risky Business, I think she needs shoes.”

 “Right,” sighed Jon, reaching into a bin. He rummaged around for a minute before pulling out a pair of black booties. “Yeah?”

 “Works for me!” you exclaimed, and you took them from him and pulled them on. They fit just fine, and you could definitely last on stage in them without wanting to cry. It was all you could really ask for from shoes.

 “Now, it’s my turn,” Ashley said happily, standing up. “Come on over, [Y/N]! Take a seat for what I’m sure is the first time in a while.”

 “You have no idea,” you said, sighing in relief as you plopped down in the chair by Ashley. She busied herself with taking off the makeup you had been wearing since the TV spot, grumbling about how they hadn’t bothered to really pick a color that matched your skin-tone.

 “You’re really pretty,” she told you as she surveyed your unmade face, “I don’t think I’ve got much work to do here.” You laughed a little, but thanked her.

 “Speaking of really pretty,” piped up Jon from the couch. “Have either of you seen the production manager for the youtube show? He’s definitely easy on the eyes.”

 “Seriously,” Ashley sighed, dabbing foundation on your face. “I don’t see how he’s not modeling or something with a face like that.”

 “His face?” snorted Jon. “Ashley, look at the rest of him. You’re missing the best part!”

 “I’m missing it too,” you chuckled as Ashley turned to grab another product. “I haven’t seen him at all.”

 “Truly a shame,” Ashley told you, “If I see him milling around tonight, I’ll point him out to you.” As she said that, there was a knock on the dressing room door and in slid Michael, grumbling about how until you took the stage, he was supposed to be with you. Jon and Ashley said their hellos to him, and he grunted in return.

 “It’s not too bad,” Jon said from his spot behind you, “There’s plenty of cute faces around. For a bunch of behind the scene workers, they’ve got some good genes. Anyone cute we’ve missed out on, [Y/N]?”

 Your immediate thought was of your bodyguard, but it would have been impossible for you to tell them as Michael was standing not ten feet from you. You bit your lip until Ashley glared at you, trying to think of someone else. “I mean,” you said finally, “Trevor’s pretty cute.” Ashley smiled, nodding approvingly as she went to work on your eyeshadow, forcing you to close your eyes. Admittedly, he was pretty cute, but your tour manager wasn’t really your type. You definitely had your eyes set on someone else in any case.

 “He’s pretty fine,” Ashley agreed, “nice and tall, too.”

 “He cleans up really well too,” Jon informed, “I saw him a few times on his way out of meetings when I was hanging around the record company. He’s got good taste in dress shirts, and a good pair of pants on that ass? [Y/N]’s got good taste.” The three of you laughed, and you almost wanted to try to look at Michael, but the way Ashley was brushing at your eyes, if you did, you were sure to mess her up.

 “And, you know, a little tour romance isn’t unheard of,” Jon told you, and you could just hear the smirk on his face. As Ashley finished up, you opened your eyes to see her nodding, and you turned around to see Jon giving you a ‘you should’ look. You blushed slightly, turning back to Ashley.

 “Nah,” you said quietly, suddenly a little nervous. “It’s bad business to get involved with people when you’re their job.” Brandon’s words annoyed you when they were about Michael, but about Trevor, they were fine.

 “I mean, I guess,” Jon groaned, “but god, you gotta live a little, [Y/N]! Get laid. If anyone relieve stress, it’s you.”

 It was then that you chanced a glance over at Michael. He was back to his stone-faced self, but he was also a shade of red. You could see the muscles in his arms tensing up. Apparently, this was not a conversation to be had in front of him. He probably didn’t care to hear about people you thought were cute anyway; he’d have no interest in it.

 The conversation continued between Jon and Ashley, rating the attractiveness of people you’d only seen once or twice or members of your band, but in the interested of not bugging Michael, you kept quiet. Once Ashley was done with your makeup, she busied herself with braiding your hair, which took no time at all to look absolutely amazing. It was nothing you could have done yourself.

 “There you go,” Jon said approvingly. “We barely had to try and you look infinitely cooler.” You laughed, giving him a look.

 “Thanks, I think?” you asked, standing up. “You’ve definitely got your work cut out for you on this tour.” You thanked Ashley and Jon, and turned towards Michael, smiling.

 “Off to sound-check, then?” you asked. He nodded, grunting instead of saying anything and when he pulled the door open, it was almost violently so. You looked over at Jon and Ashley in confusion, but neither of them seemed to share your surprise. You followed Michael out, side-stepping him as he slammed the door shut, and then led the way to the stage. You said hi to Cole, the camera operator, noting that it seemed to be okay to start shooting for the show again. At least they weren’t recording you getting dressed.

 The sound check went off without a hitch. You did a little bit of playing to the camera, like you used to when you preformed for the reality show, and then burst into laughter with your bassist, Mariel. Overall, you guys were going to be fine. You’d been rehearsing for weeks, and the sound crew was on their game. After sound check, you and the band were sitting around the green room, riffing on songs that you agreed were great, and one of the guitarists, Jordan, poked at you until you pulled out your guitar, and played along with them. All the time, Michael was there by the doorway, standing with a scowl on his face. At one point, the production manager you had heard about, Tyler, pulled you aside to get some footage that fit a testimonial kind of thing, and answered the questions he had.

 You had to admit: Jon and Ashley were right about him.

 It wasn’t until maybe fifteen minutes before the show did it really sink in. It hit you like a bus, what you were about to do. You’d had a moment in the morning that Jeremy had talked you down from, but you were sitting with Trevor and Ashley, waiting for Michael to come back from somewhere. You were alone with your thoughts for a moment too long, and then you felt like you were drowning. There was no way you could do this. Go out and be the main act of an area tour? Were they crazy for planning this for you? They had to be. And you had to be crazy for thinking you could do it.

 “[Y/N]…” Ashley started, concern in her voice. “Are you okay? Because you look like you’re about to ruin my work.”

 “I…I…” you stammered, feeling winded as you tried to speak. “I can’t do this.”

 “What do you mean?” Trevor asked, turning his phone screen off and shoving it into his pocket. “[Y/N] you’re going to be great.”

 All you could do was whimper and shake your head vigorously. “No,” you muttered after a minute. Words were failing you and Ashley and Trevor were attempting to calm you, but their words sounded more like a buzz than actual words. When the door opened, you wanted to throw up, afraid of who else it could be, but when Michael came in, you sighed a shaky sigh of relief.

 “Michael,” you started weakly. He looked to where you were sitting, and his demeanor seemed to change. His stiff body seemed to relax, and the scowl slid off his face to show a look of concern before looking annoyed. He turned to Trevor and he headed for you, bending down in front of you.

 “What the fuck, Trevor?” Michael snapped. He’d been snapping at Trevor all day, but he seemed particularly mad at him now, as if Trevor had done something to upset you.

 “She’s freaking about the fact she’s on in…” he checked his watch, “eight minutes.” That illicted a choked sound from you and the tears that were threatening to spill out did, and you felt a wave of guilt. Ashley had done your makeup so well and you were going to mess it up with the crying.

 “Shut the fuck up,” Michael snarled. “You’re clearly not helping.” He reached out to swipe the tears from under your eyes with a thumb. He was surprisingly gentle as he touched you. “Go fucking stall. And get the fucking cameras out of here.”

 The cameras. You had forgotten you were filming, and a hot wave of guilt washed over you. They were filming this and everyone was going to see how pitiful you were before you failed to get on stage and effectively ruined your career before it really started. Cole made a noise to protest, but Trevor was up and ushering him out, closing the door behind him. Michael turned to Ashley.

 “Go get your shit to fix her makeup,” he told her. Ashley didn’t need telling twice and she was up and out of the room, and once the door was closed, Michael sighed heavily. Wordlessly, he was pulling you into a tight hug. You sniffled, wrapping your eyes around him.

 “I can’t do this,” you told him, words muffled as you spoke into his shoulder.

 “Yeah you can,” he replied instantly. “[Y/N], you’ve been working for weeks. The band is there for you,” he explained. “The sound crew is there if anything goes wrong, and nothing is going to go wrong. But if it were to, there’s whole teams of people there for you. But you’re going to be great. You’re kick ass. You won that show for a reason.”

“But…” you started, but Michael snorted.

 “No buts,” he said shortly, giving you a squeeze. “I’ve seen you, [Y/N]. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” You gave a watery chuckle, taking a deep breath. The familiar smell of Michael, the one you’d come to accustomed to when you were living in his apartment, spending low stress days with him, was comforting. Paired with the fact of how he was holding you, you were feeling a little better.

 “You’ll be there too, right?” you asked stupidly as he finally pulled away from you. He rolled his eyes and smirked.

 “Right on the side of stage. Whole time,” he told you. “Look over if you’re worried. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Promise?”

 “Yeah, I promise, idiot,” Michael said, smiling and ruffling your hair. “Now come on. We have to get to you Ashley to fix this mess.” He stood up, and then pulled you to your feet. Keeping an arm around your shoulders, he led you from the green room to the dressing room, where Ashley was waiting. It only took a minute for her to touch you up, and she explained you were fine because if the makeup was sweat-proof, it was definitely cry-proof. From the dressing room, Michael took you to towards the stage, whispering that you’d be fine again and again until you actually believed it yourself. Trevor seemed relieved to see you were going out on stage, and after asking around, you were handed your wireless mic.

 “You ready?” Trevor asked, giving you a thumbs up. You chuckled, giving him one back.

 “Let’s do this!” you told him and he looked so relieved you’d calmed down. He turned to talk to a stage hand. A minute later, the lighting was going down and the music was starting. As you stood on the edge of the stage, you reached out for Michael’s hand, who was nearby. You gave it a tight squeeze and he squeezed back.

 “Go kick some ass,” he whispered as the lights came up, nudging you towards the stage. With one look back, you headed out, smiling, and knowing no matter what, he’d be right there.

[ghelikblack]

Character Study - Men

From what I’ve seen from social media, this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I actually like men. 

Anyone that knows me, knows I don’t really listen to people, in the sense that I usually “voy a mi bola”, as the Spanish say. I follow my own path and usually don’t care much what other people think either of me or of my way. 

That’s why I usually try and keep out of these highly politically charged discourses. Whenever I participate in them it’s mostly because at that moment I’m bored and in need of a good argument/discussion. I was taught to debate at school and I’ve loved it ever since. I can counter-argue practically anything -be it my opinion or not - and I love to do it. If you say brown bread is better than white bread, I would automatically jump into the discussion and try to argue my way around until I managed to convince my “adversary” of the wonders of white bread. 

The internet and social media -at least in my experience - isn’t much in favor of discussions. I had this one really interesting discussion on Twitter once, about the culture of a fictional group of people in a series. It ended with the other person saying something along the lines “you’re literally stupid” and then probably blocking me. I mean, it was a little hard arguing in favor of a culture of warriors when I am not much in favor of soldiers, to begin with. But it keeps the mind active and forces me to step into someone else’s shoes. 

What has gotten me out of my “shell” so to say it is what follows: every once in a while I would stumble  across some terrible experience some woman (or some gay man, because talking about men nowadays goes hand in hand with sexual representation, for some reason) has experienced at the hands of men. 

It chips away at you if you know what I mean. 

Then there’s the media I consume YA novels and fanfic. (I’ll try not to enter into the realm of movies and such because then this will turn into an essay and no one wants that).

I read mostly urban fantasy/science fiction/dystopian YA novels; usually with hetero protagonists. I haven’t read many LGTB+ YA novels so I couldn’t say if the trend is present there as well. 

But in those stories that I have read, I can tell you this: the heroine is shackled by The Old Ways – usually represented by some Big Bad Man, be it an evil dictator, a controlling father, etc. She breaks free of her shackles, the Male Lead discovers how badass she is, yadda-yadda we all know the gist. 

Don’t get me wrong stories are important and I understand why they exist. What they’re trying to tell. I even understand why most of the authors writing about heroines rejecting the patriarchal society are written by women. 

But whenever I come across yet another YA novel written in the First Person POV with a female lead, and a female writer I find myself rolling my eyes at it and leaving it unread. Which probably says more about me than the work that I am ignoring. I don’t dispute that. 

Why do I leave the book on its stand and walk slowly away? Because it is repetitive and boring. It is boring reading about how evil men are. It is boring to read flat one-dimensional characters that bumble around and look in awe at Awesome Protagonists, who are actually bimbos but think themselves average, who are clumsy and have a great heart and don’t think they’ll get with Romantic Interest because they’re not pretty like the adds. Not to speak about the even flatter and even more predictable villains: old men with ridiculous backward plans that are easily foiled by Special Snowflake. 

And yes, men are also heroes of exactly the same types of stories. Have been for centuries and they are as much Special Snowflakes as the females. So why don’t they make me uncomfortable? 

Because I don’t get reminded every five seconds of the fact that Special Snowflake is a man, a man that thinks himself average, a man that has the necessity of wooing Romantic Interest, and doesn’t know if she will ever look at him. 

Male protagonists are… un-gendered to me. Because there isn’t the need to insert a Romantic Interest in every story. Because when it is inserted it doesn’t necessarily hinge on the fact that “AW he’s so dreamy and I am so normal, watch me weep while I cleanse the world of demons”. Every time more often they form a partnership, or they leave the romance completely out. That is also possible. Sure, apparently people like sex, so sex is inserted in a lot of narratives. But even then, it feels like it’s not the primary goal fo the protagonists - ok the primary is to stop Evil Patriarchal Guy, but the second is to woo the man of their dreams, so... 

Yep, not a fan of YA female leads, which is my own personal opinion. Writing is difficult and if that’s the way you want to swing your story, go for it.  

Fanfic is the second Great Source of reading material for me. (Thanks to it I won’t be finishing my Goodreads book challenge this year either, so thanks, AO3) Anyway, Fanfic has always been transformative and innovator and cool and I love them and are incredibly grateful to all writers young and old. But they too have become a place where hetero men don’t seem to be welcome. An “anti-hetero”/ “anti-male” playground where characters that are male and non-LGTB+ are villainized, probably rapists and most definitely just a tool to the submission of women. 

But much like those random posts, I’ve mentioned earlier, and like YA novels, this chips at me. Makes me feel uncomfortable for starting to think this is more a trend than an actual critique.

 I mean: yeah men can be awful. But so can women, so can gays and lesbians, and bi, and ace and white and black and Asian and anyone. There are 7 billion people out there. I’m sure many can be nasty, nasty people. I am of the not-so-nice opinion that people as a whole suck.

This - I’m going to call it a trend from now on - trend reminds me of the short stories I wrote as a somewhat feminazi-14-year-old. Because now that I am older and I understand the world a bit better, my 14-year-old was an angry pessimist that didn’t write all that flattering portraits of men. 

I come from what you’d call a traditional middle-class 90’s family in which the father is an older authoritative figure. As a teen, I was rebelling against it. That is not to say that men had done anything to me, particularly. My father may be the authority in the household but he’s a good father and a good man that has always looked out for us and has given everything for his family.  – Love you, dad. 

At 14 I was just an angry rebellious girl with some very black-and-white worldviews and a flair for over-dramatization. Also, I love torturing fictional characters. So there’s that. 

I didn’t have many girlfriends – as in friends that are girls – growing up. I still don’t. I’ve always been more comfortable with boys. Most of my friends are cis, white, hetero. They’re also men. 

And of course I’ve had big explosive arguments and I’ve spent time not talking to some of them. But whenever I had a problem I could rely on them. Not to sound overdramatic, but no male friend of mine has ever “betrayed” me, or hurt me. Female friends have. Which doesn’t make all women evil and males suddenly saints. I’ve said it: humans suck. 

 But I hope you can see a bit where I’m coming from. 

And maybe I am alone in this. Maybe this is just my inability to completely grasp women psyche. Jus my own shortcomings. But whenever I hear a man saying “women are complicated” or “I don’t understand women” I totally get you! Because I don’t either and I am one of them! 

As it must be evident by now, I am not the most socially attuned person in any room - not even in this one and I am alone but for a beautiful moth flying around somewhere. 

That is the reason why this is only my opinion, and I accept that you might have a huge grudge against all men. 

Then again, I have a very limited memory and don’t really understand social cues. I am sure someone has leered at me at some point in my life, I am sure I haven’t noticed many of the times it happened. Maybe I am able to brush misogynistic comments away because not every man around me is a total douchebag. I don’t know. 

What I do know is that I like men. I enjoy spending time with them and it bothers me that social media insists on portraying them all as some faulty discriminating mass. Because that is not true and by doing so… Aren’t we stepping right into the “oppressors shoes and turning the tables to make them “pay”? Do we want to become the oppressors, make them feel bad for being what they are just as some sort of revenge for the centuries of oppression women and LGTB+ people have endured? Or is this really about feminism and equality and turning the page and making women and men of all colors and orientations equal? 

If what we want is the latter… Then we’re doing it wrong. We can’t use a hate-discourse. We can’t use the same weapons they’ve used against “us” and then just turn them on “them”. We need to find another way, a way to have no one be ashamed of the way they’re born. 

That is the hardest thing because it requires education. It requires understanding. It requires forgiveness for “Universal Sins”. And it requires a willingness to listen and stepping into other people’s shoes. Which, from what I’ve seen from my limited attempts at online debates, is severely lacking. 

[divorceyourring]

Ritani Proposal Story: Will McGivney

Will McGivney was just 15 years old when he met the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He had been introduced to Jessica Melendez through mutual friends but found himself intimidated and always ended up resorting to clownish behavior to make up for his shyness. Eventually, they became friends, but he recalls, “Never once would I have ever dreamt I would one day be able to call her my girlfriend, let alone my fiancée.”

For the next few years, fate seemed to be toying with them by throwing them together at parties and events, but always when one of them was already in a relationship. Finally in August 2014, they were both free and had the chance to see where their friendship might take them.

Things blossomed from there. Will says of the time, “The more I got to know her, the more I found we had so much in common. It was as if we were made for each other.”

The First Date

Their official first date happened in September. Over a memorable meal of steak and lobster, they spoke all night about the things in their lives that they didn’t already know, despite their many years of friendship. At one point after he made her laugh, Jessica asked Will, “Where have you been all my life?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Will responded, “Training for this moment.”

Since then, they both still rave about the meal they ate that night and the incredible connection that they finally recognized. That connection is what has taken them through the thick and thin of their relationship.

The Turning Point

About two years ago, a series of difficulties plagued Will with his health, family, and work life. Through it all, Jessica was by his side. Not only was she supportive and encouraging, but she was brave enough to tell him the truth when he needed it.

“She showed me how these events were transforming me into something I never wanted to be – a grump. She put me in my place and made me appreciate her for all that she’s done. That was the moment I knew I had to marry her.”

Finding the Perfect Ring

Once he made up his mind to pop the question, Will got down to finding the perfect ring. Up to that point, the only thing he knew about diamonds was that they were a girl’s best friend. So, like any good millennial, he googled everything he didn’t know.

During his online research, he chanced upon Ritani’s diamond education section and learned important things like the 4 Cs, diamond shapes, and diamond anatomy.

And as luck would have it, when Will reached out to another close friend for help, he was delighted to discover that this close friend’s niece, Tiffany, actually worked as a wholesale manager at Ritani. With her help and the few hints he had picked up along the way from Jessica, Will chose a beautiful platinum micropavé diamond engagement setting with milgrain finish. To include a piece of himself, he selected a gorgeous 1.01 carat pear-shaped diamond (his favorite shape).

The Proposal

When it came to the proposal, Will wanted to do something incredible for Jessica. In the end, it took weeks of preparation and even a little subterfuge.

“I went to great lengths to keep it all a surprise. I was excited for her to know how much she truly means to me by just blowing her mind with something she could never have expected or even imagined.”

Will recruited a mutual friend to invite them to a double date for brunch at the Arlo Nomad hotel in Manhattan. Upon arriving to the hotel, the bar manager (whom Will had met with the day before) greeted them and showed them to a private bar where they could meet their friends.

In the center of the room, there was a sitting area marked with a ‘Reserved’ sign. The chairs looked exceedingly comfy, so Will insisted they have a seat there while they waited. Jessica was reluctant to do so, but he assured her they wouldn’t be bothering anyone since the place was empty aside from four people hanging out in the corner.

They sat down and Jessica called their mutual friend to see where she was, but the calls went to voicemail (as planned.) Will suggested they should just give their friend some time to arrive and mentioned how his phone was dead and then placed it on the coffee table in front of them.

That was the cue!

The four strangers in the corner got up with three of them holding roses. They started singing “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran while Will gave an Oscar-worthy performance by acting just as shocked as Jessica.

One by one, each of the singers handed her a rose. The last singer handed a framed picture of the couple to Will. It was the first picture they had ever taken together.

Will placed the photo on the table in front of them and the group got quiet. He took a deep breath and said, “This is the first photograph we ever took together. What do you say about taking millions more with me for the rest of our lives? Will you marry me?”

And Jessica gave him exactly the reaction he was looking for.

“She let out a loud yes (mainly because she was holding her breath during this whole event). Once the acapella group heard this they continued their song. And afterward honored us with an encore of ‘Thinking out loud’ by Ed Sheeran just to allow her some time to soak everything in.”

Watch the beautiful moment here:

 The Best Proposal Advice

When asked what advice he would give another guy thinking about proposing, Will had this to offer: “Make your proposal a story worth telling. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, it doesn’t have to be expensive. It just has to be from the heart.”

—

Ready to write your very own proposal story? It all starts with the perfect ring.

SHOP NOW

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[tanmath3-blog]

Influenced by Stephen King and Rod Serling, Sean Seebach has written three books: A Looking in View, Autumn Dark and Our Monsters Are Real: The Pig Man. When Sean isn’t writing or managing a wonderful barbecue joint with amazing people, he enjoys reading, cooking, and listening to rock n’ roll. He currently lives in Ohio with his wife, daughter, and son.

  Please help me welcome Sean Seebach to Roadie Notes……..

  1. How old were you when you first wrote your first story? I was probably in elementary school. I created a comic book with some “cool dude” who just did “cool things”. Cool things being riding a skateboard and hitting home runs, things like that. The first story was one called Blue Collar Diesel which I later named The Lake Shimmers. It’s terrible. I wrote that when I was 34. So I took the title Blue Collar Diesel and wrote a novella that better suited the title. It’s in my collection A Looking In View.

2. How many books have you written? I have written three books: Our Monster Are Real: The Pig Man, Autumn Dark, and A Looking In View.

3. Anything you won’t write about? Probably not. I tend to stick to what is called Quiet Horror. Nothing too graphic or obscene. That’s not really by choice. The story is the boss. I just try to transcribe what’s happening in my head the best I can.

4. Tell me about you. Age (if you don’t mind answering), married, kids, do you have another job etc… I was born in Lancaster, PA in 1980, moved to Columbus, OH around ’82. It wasn’t the best part of town, so I wasn’t allowed to leave the yard. At the time it was a bummer. Later on I realized being confined to just the front and back yard forced me to use my imagination. I could do (and be) whatever I wanted: a spy, a ninja, a jungle warrior, whatever. Then in 1988 I moved to Lithopolis, Ohio, population around 600 people. There, I could explore the woods and creeks, ride my bike, and go to The Wagnalls Memorial Library, which still stands and became the cornerstone for my development as a reader. I did my first book signing there in May of this year. It was surreal. I am married to a wonderful wife who supports me in every aspect of life. We have a baby girl and a son who just turned 2. I work as a restaurant manager by day/night, depending on my work schedule. Next to writing, cooking and working with fun people is one of my favorite things to do. I’m a very fortunate man.

5. What’s your favorite book you have written? I should probably say Autumn Dark. That book has gotten the best response from readers. But, in truth, because The Pig Man was the first it will always be special to me. I love the story, but it isn’t written as well as the others. Which to me is a good thing because it shows that I’m improving.

6. Who or what inspired you to write? I don’t really know who or what inspired me to write. I think it chose me. I had a desire to write in my mid-20’s but I didn’t have the courage to do it. I thought you were either hand-picked by God or were chosen by teachers at a young age. Maybe it was writer, director, screen writer, producer, and occasional actor Brian Koppelman. I found him on Twitter shortly after I gave up drinking three years ago. He had posted a series of Vines on his account. Vine was a service that featured 6 second video loops. Brian was giving people permission to create in the videos he made. I looked him up, saw his credentials (Rounders, Ocean’s 13, Solitary Man, among many others) and thought “Now, here’s someone who’s done amazing things and is telling people to go out and do it!” There are many videos and books out there that will say you must be some sort of special intellectual to be an artist. Those people are wrong and most are full of themselves, are bitter, and most haven’t accomplished much. Brian had. Following him then led me to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. I was fortunate enough to have support in the beginning. Stephen King tweeted that he had a new story called A Death in The New Yorker and asked folks to comment on it. It was on their site and free to read. I thought, “Oh boy, who has the balls to critique it?” So I scrolled through the Twitter comments. There I found someone shamelessly self-promoting herself with a story she wrote called Alive. I read it and loved it. That person was Meagan Smith who then wrote as M.J. Pack. I reached out to her and we became fast friends. Shortly after she was hired on at Thought Catalog, an online publishing magazine. She asked to read my stuff. I sent her a cannibalistic story called The Best I Ever Had. She liked it and wanted to publish it. That gave me the confidence to crank out more stories. I’ve been writing regularly ever since. I owe her a great deal. She was kind of enough to write the Foreword for Autumn Dark which I’m very proud of. I’d like to collaborate with her one day. She’s a fierce talent. Also, during that time, author Tom Callahan befriended me. I reached out to him after reading his wonderful story called The Soldier, The Dancer, and All That Glitters from Dark City Lights, an anthology put together by the great American crime fiction author Lawrence Block. Tom and I emailed back and forth a lot. He read my stuff and encouraged me to write, write, write! He gave me advice and recommended a slew of books about writing to read. I owe him a great deal. And I continue to find support to this day. Author Lincoln Cole and I have become close over the years and he’s helped me in many ways. From creating a website to building a mailing list to formatting my books for self-publishing to finding cover artist (and author) M.N. Arzu to promotional tactics. He’s a good man and I also owe him a great deal. Just recently I did an interview with author Armand Rosamilia , also owner of Project Entertainment Network, for the Armcast Podcast. I also was invited in a flash fiction contest along with authors Stephen Kozeniewski, Gabino Iglesias, and Justin Bienvenue. Three big names in the horror community. Book reviewer David Spell has been in my corner since day one and I had the fortunate opportunity to meet him in Naperville, IL during Stephen and Owen King’s tour stop for Sleeping Beauties. And, now, this interview. Thank you, Becky! I’d also like to mention that since I’ve begun listening (and advertising) on The Horror Show with Brian Keene, a podcast dedicated to the genre, I’ve met all kinds of great people: readers and authors alike. It’s opened the door to many authors I was ignorant to before. It’s also highly entertaining. But none of this would be happening without the support of my wife. She’s my first reader, my Annie Wilkes, and I still like to make her laugh and cringe, and when I do, I know I have something worth publishing.

7. What do you like to do for fun? Watch movies. This year has been great for them. IT, Gerald’s Game, The Dark Tower, Baby Driver, 68 Kill. I’m really looking forward to seeing I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday by writer/director Mike Lombardo. The World Premiere is happening in Columbus, OH on October 20th at 2p.m. at Nightmares Film Festival. I also recently went on a hike with a close friend. No internet, no social media. Just us and nature. It was awesome to not only spend time with him, but to also disconnect from the world for a few hours. It’s something we’ll be doing regularly, weather permitting. I run on a regular basis. It keeps the head clear and helps me cope with stress. I also like to cook, try new recipes, and eat. All with balance. Dessert is okay if it’s not for breakfast. Sometimes. The most fun I truly have is building blanket forts, going to the park, and reading to my son. He likes flip books and monsters and dinosaurs. We read Harold and The Purple Crayon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Little Blue Truck… Watching him develop has been the ultimate high for me. I recently bought a stack of books off Mike Lombardo. YA horror, Goosebumps, Eerie Indiana, that sort of thing, for my kids when they get older. Maybe they’ll dig them like I did.

8. Any traditions you do when you finish a book? I go to Starbucks inside of the Barnes and Noble in the town over from me and get a piece of Red Velvet Cheesecake (they sell Cheesecake Factory cheesecake) and a coffee. Then I daydream that thousands of people will rejoice in being so entertained by something I created! Then I get nervous and think my writing is garbage then I publish it anyway and buy ad space on the Horror Show.

9. Where do you write? Quite or music? I write in my office in our basement at a desk. I used to write everywhere but I found in approaching writing like a part-time job its best for me to have a designated place to work. Like, I’m clocking in for the day! Time to go downstairs and get busy. I do write to music. I have a writing playlist on Spotify with four composers: Chad Lawson (who creates music for the Lore podcast), Lena Natalia, Danny Elfman, and most recently, Jon Hopkins. Most of it is classical. I get too distracted when I write to music with lyrics. There’s a Twin Peaks playlist on Spotify that I sometimes put on as well.

10. Anything you would change about your writing? The only thing I would change about my writing is improving it. Early next year I’ll be attending the Borderlands Press Writer’s Bootcamp in Maryland. I’m also reading How To Write Short by Roy Peter Clark. Once I’m finished with The Dark Tower Series, I’m going to start reading all the authors I’ve discovered from The Horror Show. One, for entertainment and, two, I think it’s good to read books by authors from different backgrounds. It gives the mind a new perspective on the world and offers a different voice, a different way to tell a story.

11. What is your dream? Famous writer? From a writing perspective, my dream is to become a full-time writer. As Brian Keene describes it, the main source of income. Now that I’m 37, the dream is to live long days upon the Earth (Dark Tower reference) with my wife and for us to raise our children to be loving, caring, responsible adults who follow their passion. Famous writer? No. Keep the fame. But I’ll gladly accept huge royalty checks!

12. Where do you live? A small town in Ohio. Surprise!

13. Pets? One dog, Chloe. She’s a German Shepherd. We took her in after my mother-in-law passed on. She’s great with the kids and patient with us.

14. What’s your favorite thing about writing? There’s a moment when I transcend into a story. The more I write, the more that happens. I’ll go back and polish what I wrote the previous day, sometimes not remembering certain lines that I had written. Sometimes I find myself next to the characters, oblivious to my surroundings. Sounds crazy (maybe it is) but it’s true. Writing makes me feel alive, as cliché as that sounds. It enriches my life. Also, one of the most rewarding things about it is when someone reaches out to tell you much they appreciated something you’ve created. That’s special. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s very touching.

15. What is coming next for you? A book called An American Monster. I won’t get into details because it’s not finished. I’m superstitious and if you’ve read anything I’ve ever wrote then you’ll know that I need all the luck I can get.

  You can connect with Sean Seebach here:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Sean-Seebach/e/B01CUT2JMK

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/seanAseebach/

Website: https://www.amazon.com/Sean-Seebach/e/B01CUT2JMK/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1507564303&sr=8-1

Twitter: @seebach_sean

  Some of Sean Seebach’s books:

  For more on the people I’ve mentioned, here are links to their work: Meagan Smith (M. J. Pack) https://www.amazon.com/M.J.-Pack/e/B00O5APGTQ/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1507563809&sr=8-1 Tom Callahan https://www.amazon.com/Dark-City-Lights-York-Stories-ebook/dp/B00USBMIMY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1507563913&sr=8-1&keywords=dark+city+lights Brian Koppelman (no link. Just watch Billions on Showtime!) Lincoln Cole https://www.amazon.com/Lincoln-Cole/e/B00AUIOU3A/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564263&sr=8-2-ent M.N. Arzu https://www.amazon.com/M.-N.-Arzu/e/B013C7XY6O/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507563985&sr=1-2-ent Armand Rosamilia https://www.amazon.com/Armand-Rosamilia/e/B004S48J6G/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564017&sr=1-2-ent Stephen Kozeniewski https://www.amazon.com/Stephen-Kozeniewski/e/B00FFLC5Y8/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564054&sr=1-2-ent Gabino Iglesias https://www.amazon.com/Gabino-Iglesias/e/B00AEBI0T8/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564085&sr=1-2-ent Justin Bienvenue https://www.amazon.com/Justin-Bienvenue/e/B072F3QYGW/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1507564119&sr=1-2-ent David Spell https://thescaryreviews.com/ Sean Seebach https://www.amazon.com/Sean-Seebach/e/B01CUT2JMK/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1507564303&sr=8-1 Getting personal with Sean Seebach Influenced by Stephen King and Rod Serling, Sean Seebach has written three books: A Looking in View, Autumn Dark and Our Monsters Are Real: The Pig Man.