#Just Look My Way and even When I See Him are such unbelievable fucking bangers like buddy

[rayofspades]

.

[spiteslucanis]

was tagged by the ever lovely @zhalar to share 9 albums i've been listening to, thank you for the opportunity <3 i've included my self-indulgent commentary on each, and i tried to mostly pick ones that i've specifically been listening to recently! (ps. thank you for songs you shared in the previous tag game we had, several ended up on my playlists)

lazily tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just say i tagged you. i love hearing ppl talk about music

my album commentary under the read more cut bcs i ended up elaborating a lot

i. chappel roan, "the rise and fall of a midwest princess" — ALBUM of the YEAR. to me. i know it came out last year but still. no skips, love her and this album so so dearly. i need it on vinyl stat. inject that shit into my veins etc. current faves: guilty pleasure and super graphic ultra modern girl, but i did also recently listen to california for like a week non-stop

ii. ethel cain, "preacher's daughter" — again i'm LATE to this one, but as far as concept albums go, this is. the peak. like just. screaming crying throwing up, even. i made a powerpoint presentation abt this just so i could share its story with a friend. INSANITY. faves: american teenager, ptolemaea, sun bleached flies (i forgive it all as it comes back to me............. kill me)

iii. taylor swift, "tortured poets department" — i went to the eras tour earlier this month. speechless! wow. i still haven't recovered OR finished listening to all of anthology but i sure have been blasting who's afraid of little old me and but daddy i love him

iv. metteson, "look to a star" — actual album of the year for me. saw him live this spring and he was so so sweet (was manning his own merch booth afterwards and complimented my make up <3 also signed my vinyl) ANYWAY insane voice? like simply unbelievably beautiful. and this is just the debut album??? future records might simply eviscerate me i'm afraid. faves are second heart (!!!), naturally (but nothing comes natural to me / nothing comes naturally...... augh) and heavier than a heart

v. pet shop boys, "nonetheless" — breaking news my favourite old gay men are still releasing bops and bangers and heartbreaking melodies. this released close-ish to my birthday so i've claimed it as a birthday present. what more can i say, they're my favourite band of all time <3 faves rn: new london boy (skinheads will mock you, call you a fag / last laugh is yours, there's a brick in your bag!!) and bullet for narcissus

vi. orville peck, "stampede: vol. 1" — i adore this cowboy beyond measure. as i think i said in a different post, i don't usually care for features and duets, but this does indeed fucking slap. insane vocals as per usual. love the concept. can't wait for vol 2, and also, mr. peck PLEASE come to europe. faves: miénteme and cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other <3

vii. sea power, "disco elysium" — this is FINALLY on spotify!!! the game of all time, and the soundtrack is equally heartbreaking and hardcore (to the mega). i was going Through It at some point this spring and replayed DE and then just listened to burn baby burn outside whilst smoking. european depression core. faves rn: burn baby burn, saint-brune 1147 (small pinewood church) and precinct 41 major crime unit

viii. jan valta + adam sporka, "kingdom come: deliverance (OST)" — finally bought this recently when it was on sale and my god i'm so glad i did. an immensely entertaining game that you can tell was made with much love. henry of skalitz my SON. been listening to the soundtrack on/off, currently absolutely obsessed with the song poverty and famine (and särmä if you're reading i think you might vibe with this one?)

ix. alkemie, "pentiment (original soundtrack)" — rounding up with another video game soundtrack because i'll simply never get over pentiment. stole my heart in a major way. this soundtrack is STUNNING. can't do it justice with words. my faves rn: sic arsit historia kiersis and rüdeger's rehearsal

[purpdrawsthings]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE MENTION IN THE ANIMATION RAARGHHH

if I get my procrastinating ahh to it at some point I miiiight be cooking some fan art NYEH HEH HEHHHHH also since u have banger music taste, as a fellow peep with banger music taste (or not idk) you should totes check out Fox Stevenson music! (he's British and so am I so it makes it 10x better ngl LMFAOOO) my fav tracks by him are prolly Dreamland, Don't Care Crown or Can't Even Tell

also why tf am I rambling about some random ahh music singer songwriter in someones ask HELP-

Like I'm actually freaking out frfr how tf do you cook animation so well bro, the best animation ive done is some crappy SMG4 version of 'you've been trolled' where I legit gave up animating, slapped a dank ass image of smg4 in the family guy death pose when the ai cover had a stroke and called it a day ;-; HOW DO YOU SUMMON THE MOTIVATION please teach me your ways ;-;

also your art? U N D E R R A T E D. please teach me how to render 2d art. please ;-; I BEG Y- also lineart and poses go brrrrrr (yet again, as previously mentioned in other asks, I CANNOT DRAW FUCKING POSES- istfg one day its gonna become some sort of inside joke- some sort of TOMFOOLERY in this fandom. UTtErly DISgrASeFuL!1!!1!) Ok yeah I think imma stahp giving you brain rot now and get some help

HAVE A BYE FIVE NYEH HEH HEHHHHHHH (or rehehehe idk what goofy ahh laugh I wanna use ;-; AND ISTFG IF ONE OF YALL SAYS 'BRO THINKS HE'S PAPYRUS' AGAIN I WILL SPAWN OUTSIDE YOUR WIND-) please help me :3 /j have a nice day lolol also have a piece of silly motivation! 'NevER BAcK DowN NEvEr WHaT??!11!!?!'

(you better answer correctly or else-/lh please don't come after me *cough cough*) OK BYE FR NOW- (sorry im the CEO of Yapping if ya can't tell)

OMFG I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT REPLYING TO THIS SOONER GUHHHHH 😔😔😔😔😭😭😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥

Explodes in disappointment

Fuckin unbelievable, I should call myself a disappointment for not even answering this amazing ask any sooner 😔

NO PROB FOR THE MENTION AHHHHH

I had to find anyone near and I remembered that I always saw you around so I went to your account and picked the oc on profile 💥💥💥

F-F... FANART??? ah shit that might not happen because I was being a stupid idiot and didn't even answer this for months 😔

Also thx for the music taste compliment mehehehehe, I always find these 'vine' like audios to be very fun to work on ✨✨💥💥💥

Very interesting songwriter might check out 👀👀👀👀👀👀 BRITISH ALERT WHAT??

Nooooo I don't mind you yapping I love seeing people yap 😔😔😔😔

ALSO I FIND MY ANIMATION SKILLS TO BE JUST BASIC AF I MEAN- LOOK AT THOSE OTHER ANIMATORS OUT THERE THEIR ANIMATING TECHNIQUES ARE JUST LEVELS ABOVE ME EISGSOHDOSHDI 😔😔😔💥💥💥

I'm sure your animating skills would get better, always believe in yourself ❤

I DON'T EVEN HAVE MOTIVATION IT'S EITHER A MISS OR HIT 😭😭😭

Guhhhhhh thanks so much for the art compliment I can't your words are too kind for me to handle I can't put it to words I wish I can give very nice words but I can't GUHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥❤❤❤❤❤

ALSO WHAT LAUGH-

Do you need help, cuz I can provide therapy for you 😔😔😔✨✨✨✨ /silly /jk

ASJDHAOAHSOSHSOSHO THE MOTIVATIONAL WORDS... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

I love your yapping so much thanks for the ask, also you do deserve the tittle CEO of yapping 😔😔😔😔❤❤❤💥💥💥💥💥

Chat I fucking feel like a disappointment I didn't answer this sooner AISFSISVSJVDOSBSPDHDO

[hertwood]

dts s5 e1-2

e1: -oh my god i was so hyped for this ep yet completely forgot it starts with mattia and gunther's lunch date LMAO -'we like to think of this a documentary' 'its not a documentary' see if yall just LISTEN to toto you could be having some fun here -red mercedes rollhoop was so UGLY at least it looks better against the black now but i cant stop thinkin abt it when i see the car -also seb looks so fluffy. miss him need him etc etc -if max doesnt interview for next season i'll be So Upset i love him sm -LOVE the kevin return he deserves it SO MUCh -damn they rly set ferrari up here. starting with the highs so the lows hit correctly later. damn -LOVE every alex cameo hi baby :) -LISTEN. the first race i ever watched in full was bahrain 2022. i knew max won the championship, but i didnt know any of the details of the races, and i think this was such a GREAT start for me. the max&charles backnforth, the last minute max dnf, checo dnf in final lap had me GAGGED i'm so glad dts gave it justice. this race has such a special place in my heart -also red bulls don't have mechanical dnfs like they used to!!!! bring this back!!!!

e2: -unfortunately dts does charm u to like toto. he is charming. i am charmed. sorry -pre-fluffy hair george is a jumpscare honestly -lewis wont have to remember the full mercedes team name next year :/ -seeing old pre season testing is making me INSANE its so close i need it NOW -i forgot how widespread the porpoising problem was at the start. i know mercedes struggled the longest but it really seems like a legitimate oversight regulations wise if it happened to EVERYONE -'you cant overstate how much trouble mercedes are in' cut to them in THIRD in the rankings god even when they're flopping theyre on top thats how iconic they are~ -HI SAM COLLINS -the way they just let the bouncing cockpitcams play in silence is so effective. makes me wince. poor bb. -unrelated but i cannot even look at baku turn one without thinking abt the f2 pileup there last year. like 6 dnfs at once insane. anyway -HI ROSS BRAWN -this whole team principal meeting is so goofy and staged as fuck. parent teacher association core -silverstone is simply a banger of a track sorry. not overrated, perfectly rated actually -if dts is good for anything its good for these slow motion shots. the way the roll hoop just disintigrated is insane -so i've noted in previous season they've done a good job of setting up background info before big moments. i think they really dropped the ball here and should've introduced guanyu before the crash. not a big amount, just a lil bit would've done WONDERS -i will say, in the grosjean episode there was this talk abt how he wanted to walk to the ambulance to show he was ok. from a medical perspective that is such a bad fucking idea. it looks scary but i'm glad zhou and the medical team got him outta there on a brace like that. turned out not to be necessary but rly could've been -I LOVE U FORMULA 1 MEDICAL TEAMS BTW -i know merc are bitching but i do think back to grid starter order was the right call. sorry lewis ily -every time i get worried abt ferrari's history with pit fuckups for lewis i need to remind myself that mercedes is just as bad lmao -"i think lewis will win" i dont EVER wanna see anyone saying britcedes dont love eachother britcedes antis dni unfollow me i hate you -THROUGH GOES HAMILTON UNBELIEVABLE STUFF -the lil trick they pull.....the ~ferrari~ wins the british grand prix...... so they can rehash this all again from a carlos v charles angle next episode...... i see u

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

KAIROOOOO THE ACTUAL LOML 🥺🥺🥺🥺 ^ this is us rn btw I AM KISSING YOUUUUU

YOU ARE . so unbelievably sweet i would rlly give you the world . THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR READING + TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE ALL THIS OUT :((((( it made me so happy!!!!!!! i can’t even explain it!!!!!!! we have lots n lots to talk abt so let’s get into it ….. just know i cherish you so deeply you are the bfb!gojo to my reader T_T (also our brains were LINKED on some of these i got so excited pshdkdjd)…..

OKOK SO . first off pls know that every single thing you said made me giggle and blush and kick my feet i rlly am not kidding when i compare us to gojo/reader….. YOU’RE TOO KINDDDDD I CAN’T HANDLE IT 😥😥😥😥😥😥 i tried SO hard to make this feel as summery as possible so knowing you think that highly of the imagery n descriptions n vibes just !!!!!!! makes me smile so wide. i’m grinning like a dumbass. i love you.

alsoooooo while we’re on the topic of the summer vibes <33

i think our brains are Linked because tell me why i was listening to my haikyuu!! summer playlist while reading this and “monsoon” & “warm glow” by hippocampus started playing as i was reading!!!!! and then i reread the fic again after i saw your post of making it while listening to “baseball” (which is another banger i WILL be adding this to the playlist)

WE’RE SOOOOO LINKED TRULY!!!! kairo i found out abt hippo campus like . a week ago. i can’t believe what i’ve been missing out on (DO YOU LIKE BAD DREAM BABY BTWWW bc i think it’s so sugucoded 👉👈)…….. I CHECKED OUT MONSOON AND WARM GLOW TOO AND THEY’RE SOOOOO GREAT GOD . FUCK. they’re incapable of missing…… BUT YEAHH BASEBALL. SO GOOD. it helped me get into the summer headspace sm it’s crazy. i also just think it’s Perfect for this fic like the vibes….. the lyrics…. ”there goes that moon boy”… “i was wrong // you were a friendly kid”…… yeah. yeahhhhh…..

this fic had very REAL human emotions, & the dialogues b/t the characters were SO genuine/not fake or “story-ish” at all! the way satoru was depicted in this fic… just EVERYTHING was SO amazing.

the way every single grain of anxiety in my body just melted away after reading this 😭😭 YOU HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME KAIRO….. i’m so so happy the dialogue felt real!!! and obv the emotions too….. i’m always worried abt those things since they’re so important to the character writing :’3 so knowing they Worked for u makes me wanna weep . i am kissing you

AND . i’m so glad you liked the order of events!!!! the emphasis on his soft rejection…. you Get it. i have to restrain myself from copy pasting every single thing you say bc it’s always so insanely on the mark……. you are inside my skull and you are here to stay <333333 the dynamic between gojo & reader was smth i worried abt a bit as you know so. it’s also so reassuring!!! hearing your thoughts made me feel a lil more confident abt it too!!! i rlly do love them as a couple but i was worried abt people misinterpreting them a bit :’3 but ofc you didn’t!!! never you!!!!! nothing sneaks past kairo…

i ADORE how mature yet kind he was about it! and he’s also so valid in his reasonings too like he was 18 and reader was 14 when they met! ofc he wouldn’t be in love w them like that bc he sees them as a literal BabyChild! WHICH THEY ARE! i think it’s also so sweet that he doesn’t make fun of them or anything, he says it gently & w finality & no room for “does he like me or not?”, he’s genuine and honest when he says he doesn’t feel for them That way. he loves them but isn’t IN love w them. he loves them like a fond older brother who wants to protect their baby sis’ bestie! i think this fic shows so much of him Looking out for reader

LIKE THIS …….. you just Get it. i think the age gap especially is important bc !!! a 23 year old dating a 27 year old isn’t too bad . but 14-18 ABSOLUTELY is and for satoru it just decides their dynamic from the beginning. he’s so Good and protective :(( all your thoughts r so spot on… he’s gentle and sweet and reader is his little baby. he’s always always looking out for them!! and he wasn’t kidding when he said he missed them!!!!

((also riko being toru’s baby sis is canon to me Okie i loved that idea SO much))

kairo when i tell you i felt like a genius 😞😞 at first i was fully planning on making an oc but then it hit me and everything clicked into place…. they’re the siblings ever <333333

AND AGAINNNN you keep being so unbelievably sweet abt the descriptions and imagery i’m just 😭😭😭 you’re gna make me WEEP kairo. i’m screenshotting all of this and cradling it to my chest…… literally EVERY single word you say means the world to me pls know that . i’d comment on all your comments if i could bc they all make me so happy but i also don’t want this to become an ego-stroking essay for you to wade through </3 I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW I LOVE YOU OK…….. and ik i’ve said this plenty before but to me you are a prose MASTER and i adore your imagery so. it means sm T_T

(perhaps they meet again during those seasons… i feel like the quaint town would be so pretty… the smell of pumpkin spice, fairy lights & jack-o-lanterns everywhere, autumnal desserts & bonfires etc… ARI I WANNA LIVE IN THIS TOWN i’ll get an apartment w suguru there actually <333)

AAAAA THIS IS GIVING ME IDEAS FOR THE CONTINUATION……………. more on that later tho >:3 BUT YES THE AUTUMN VIBES . UNMATCHED. i want to live in this town so badly too </3 it was actually kinda inspired by this visual novel i love where you grow up w your childhood friend in a summery town right by the beach… the vibes in it are just. chefs kiss. (it’s called ”our life: beginning’s and always” btw … very childhood friend!sugu coded imo AND ALSO FREE TO DOWNLOAD i highly recommend it 🙏🙏)

ALSO . just know i support the sugukairo agenda more than anything else in my life……. he would go down to the beach for a swim every morning at the crack of dawn and you would wake up early just to see him come in through the door shirtless and soaked <333 ideal dynamic i think

ok so you’re probably like kairo why’d you put the sentences of reader drinking lemonade in here. Well Let Me Tell You………. i think that you have such a TALENT of showing intrigue even in mundane moments. like ok legitimately from the outside it’s just reader drinking a glass of lemonade. but the way you DESCRIBE it had me gagged… “sour and sweet” is just like the emotions brewing and brimming up within the reader. and just the additions of cubes clinking + condensation cooling down reader was just REFRESHING to me! and riko is similar to satoru in that their gazes carry weight & heft & at the end of the day they’re just looking out for you………. sniffles. the siblings of all time omg we were ROBBED

^ me @ you rn KAIROOOOO WHAT IF I HUG YOU UNTIL YOU POP T—T sorry that’s violent. what if i hug you gently. YOU JUST…,. have a Way of noticing tiny details and i just think it’s sososo admirable like sincerely . me sneaking in the sour/sweet line thinking no one else is gna see it a reference to reader’s emotions but here you are… my goddess…… my sun in the sky…….. you understand me like no one else i’m so serious 🫂 AND THE SIBLINGS YES the parallels between riko and satoru in canon make me INSANE and i think it translates over so well to this au . they’re both bratty and teasing and so so sweet. w eyes like a blue sea or a blue sky. i love them :(((

like it doesn’t sound like you’re just Listing things off (which is a problem i have) it just sounds like you’re…… THERE!!!!! like you’re living this experience there and just existing in it!!!!!!!

KAIROOOPSJDKSOKDIEE I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY GIGGLED + BLUSHED + KICKED MY FEET I GOT LEFT IN ME 😭😭😭 i’m overwhelmed by how much of a sweetheart you are like TRULY. thank you sososososososoososoo much. you’re too kind!!!!!! always!!!!!!!! i’m so overjoyed i could make you feel immersed even a little bit 🥺🥺

PART 2 OF HUNGRY KAIRO……………… I FUCKING LOOOOOOOOOOVE PINK LEMONADE!!!!!!!!! FEED ME THOSE WRAPPED SANDWICHES NOWWWWWWW!!!!!! RAHHHSHSHSHSHAHAKAKSHGAROEMWHDJE (sounds of me eating ferociously :3)

HERE R YOUR SANDWICHES MY QUEEENNNNNN 🥪🥪🥪 nothing but the best for you….. sugu made them for you himself trust

AND THEN HIS FIT……….. moaned loud as hell that’s MY bad 🤭🤭🤭 sliver of chest……………….. whore. EXPOSED BICEPS TOO???????????? whore part 2.

PHDIDJDJDN KAIROOO……. you’re so fucking Real and you bring me sm joy thank you for saying what we were all thinking <3333333 he IS a whore and we love him. knowing you think this gojo is sexy is all the validation i could ever need btw thank you thank you 🫂🫂🫂🫂

(^ this is the shirt he was wearing btw………. i had a list of candidates that niku helped me pick from but. i truly think this one is the most Satoru and also the sexiest. he makes me ill)

ARIIIIIIIIIII !/&/&/!/@/!/&2&1@1!-&-@1”1”1&/$2@1”&2&2 I’M NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU WHEN I SAY MY HEARTBEAT STARTED SPEEDING UP WHEN SUGURU WAS INTRODUCED MY HEART STARTED RACING I’M NOT NORMAL!/&/‘&/!/! HE JUST. GODDDDDDDDD SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL & SEXY. reader is better than me i would’ve pounced on suguru and made him my husband.

REALLLLLL REAL REAL!!!!!!!!!!! snuck him in just for u btw that’s a kairo special <333 BUT YES HE’S SO. SO EFFORTLESSLY CHARMING. i can’t stand him. fortunately he has a perfectly good lap for me to sit on. there’s enough room for both of us he has two thighs for a reason >:3

AND WAHHHH I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THE VOICE DESC…….. 😭😭😭 i just think he’s so honeysuckle coded. and it’s vital that his voice comes across as theeee most gorgeous thing on the planet…… now that i have the kairo sugu approval i can rest easy hehe

NJSLMSNSDJKWJDJDKEJDJD MENACE!SUGURU. I’M CRYIFNFNDNDNDND THIS BASICALLY JUST MEANS THAT SUGURU USED TO HEADLOCK RIKO ALL THE TIME I’M CRYIFNFNFNDNDN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 this made me giggle like ACTUALLY please him and satoru are such menaces i LOVE them 😭 also toru flirting w sugu and sugu essentially having the energy of Damn Bitch I Don’t Want You made me giggle…….. he loves bullying the gojo siblings <333 his fav pastime :3 methinks sugu loves reader too like that’s his lil baby :3 him when satoru & riko do anything: idiot sandwiches. him when reader does anything: hi cutiepie cupcake :3

YESSS YOU GET IT 😭😭😭😭 absolute CLOWNS. and again w you picking up on all the tiny implications….. i am in Awe of you always. HE DID PUT HER IN A HEADLOCK ALL THE TIME. satoru too ofc…… sugu is a very sneaky bully he’d just let her go before any of the adults spotted him 😊 i like to think it gave riko ptsd so now her head hurts everytime suguru drops his smile and stares at her like this 😶 PSHDKDJDJ….

AND THE FLIRTING…. sugu does NOT want him god bless. as i was writing i was sort of entertaining a bunch of different interpretations since the fic is so vague abt satoru’s feelings… and one take i thought of was like . what if satoru loves suguru the same way reader loves him…. and it’s just terribly one-sided………. THAT’S JUST A THOUGHT THO not my own personal take. but i think that’d be kinda devastating.

AND ANDDDD YOU’RE SO RIGHT <3333 reader IS sugu’s little baby . he’s so soft on them compared to the gojo siblings LMAO…… i like to think reader was kind of shy as a child and he was just sooo immediately endeared. he’s the number one hater of the gojo/reader ship btw……… you do NOT have his support 😭😭😭 riko tries 2 be nice abt it but suguru is just. a disappointed mother LMAO. like oh 😇 you’re still on that crush huh 😇😇 how about that 😇😇😇 he’s so scary….

but i also like the fact that his heartbeat is steady… his isn’t racing like reader’s bc to him it’s an act of protection more than anything. compare that to reader’s heartbeat which is probably beating out their chest due to the physical proximity!

AGAIN . YOUR ATTENTION TO DETAIL IS UNMATCHED. yes!!!!! reader’s heart is pumping out of their chest but from satoru’s pov he’s just. scaring a creep off. looking out for you. i think he’s also just very casual w touch in general…. so it’s almost absentminded. but reader is like OH GOD OH FUCK HE WANTS ME. (he does Not 😔)

also on the topic of toru being touchy . i’m so glad the jaw grabbing scene made u Explode a little >:3 i too would kiss him silly……….

also i looooooove serious!satoru so much it’s one of my ULTIMATE guilty pleasures (along w argument fics w suguru listen i love it ok there’s something so delicious abt suguru arguing w you/being mad in the heat of the moment but then him feeling guilty/ashamed after a while when he sleeps on the bed and you on the couch bc you’re stubborn like that bc HE was the one who was actually in the wrong… ok i’m rambling lemme find some sugurument fics rn…….)

PHDKDJDKDKD REALLLL REALLL!!!! also what if i told you…… that is eerily similar to the sugu fic i’m posting next ………… 👀👀 kairo inside of my brain as usual i hope it’s cozy in there !!!

and his DIALOGUE!!!!! i loved his dialogue in this fic it’s all so HIM! playful yet caring yet teasing yet mature <3 the “gonna break my heart” is soooooooo him.

AAAAAA KAIRO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😥😥😥 this makes me so so happy too……. writing dialogue for him is always SO fun but i do worry abt it sometimes 😭 he rlly does have that specific mixture of traits doesn’t he…….. sighhhhh i need him bad. BUT YES HE’S SUCH A LITTLE TEASE………. joking abt you breaking his heart when he’s alr broken yours 😞 stupid silly sexy man

also satoru saying it’s a schoolgirl crush when in reality reader deffo feels like they’re genuinely in love… i think toru does that not to undermine their feelings but to explain to them that babes you could do better and you should do better and you should find someone who can share the love you have!

YES THIS !!!!!!!! YOU GET ITTTTTT i think. he just wants to let you down as gently but firmly as possible. maybe he also kind of doubts that you could really love him That strongly bc despite his ego i do think he has a fairly cynical view of himself… even in a happier au like this i think satoru is good at isolating himself!!! but yeah he doesn’t mean to undermine your feelings he just wants what’s best for you 😔😔

ANOTHER ONE I ADORED!!!!!! i just LOVE opening the floodgates of their emotions is being likened to opening a soda can! “crack the lid of your heart… wade through the carbonation.” yeah so ari WHAT THE FUCK??? how do you THINK of that??? like actually tell me how did that go into your brain??? that’s so genius and just so UNIQUE! and AWHHHHHHHHH reader being happy that their feelings are acknowledged makes me so :’) they’re so genuine in their love and adoration for satoru it seriously is such a sweet thing to see like their love is so PURE!!!! high on summer joy & love watching satoru shine <333

PHDJFJDJE I AM KISSING YOUUUUUUU A MILLION FOREHEAD KISSES FOR KAIRO……….. i was giggling + kicking my feet writing that hehe. i’m so glad u liked it!!!!! T_T unconventional imagery is sm fun . AND READER YES kairo i’m genuinely so happy that you ended up liking them bc i do too……. their love rlly is so pure and simple!!! light even!!!! like yeah it hurts a bit to be rejected but they’re older now too. and they rlly do get so happy just watching him shine !!!! :(((( sniffle…. they’re very Baby

the image of drill sergeant!suguru whipping satoru into shape has me cryifnnfnfnf he was like i won’t let a weak noodle-armed BITCH show me up… i just won’t. how much do you wanna bet suguru out bench pressed satoru. i bet my life savings ($2) not a lot but my money is on sugubear <333

PDHJDJDJDJ YOU GET IT!!!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!!! oh you know sugu was happy as HELL…. 😭😭 an excuse to order satoru around……… he ate it up. AND SUGUBEAR ABSOLUTELY OUT BENCH PRESSED HIM!!!!!!!! their old training arc was crazy……..

this was so pretty it almost put me to sleep w how much comfort & relaxation it gave me… like i put myself in reader’s shoes and feeling the warmth of satoru & the evening + smelling the saltwater + hearing the melodic lilt of his voice truly and honestly would just… COMFORT me.

THIS MADE SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYY I’M SO GLAD!!!! ahhh i wanted the piggyback scene to feel all summery and comforting n sleepy 🥺🥺 just having satoru there to keep you steady on his back… and you’re all tuckered out from swimming…… and he’s speaking all soft.… i would be falling asleep instantly i fear :’3

love love LOVE the root imagery btw using a famous line and then using it as something to trip over until something blooms is so genius. and also. AWHHHHH reader is just so smitten it’s so fucking sweet to me

AGAINNN I’M SO HAPPY YOU FIND READER SWEET 🥺🥺 and the root imagery!!! is so special 2 me!!!!!! i just think it’s so good as a metaphor for a slowly growing/uncertain love… and there’s also this idea i have of reader as like . a bud yet to bloom. while satoru is a blossoming flower. there’s just so much admiration that reader feels for him!! he’s like a big sunflower they can’t help but look at :’3

and on the topic of gojo/reader. you just Get their dynamic!!! you rlly rlly do!!!!! being known is being loved…… he knows them so well so of course they love him. he’s seen them at their best and worst!!! yes!!!! i think there’s a stability to satoru they can’t help but fall for over and over again. ANDDD what you say here:

reader liking the feeling of BEING in love even if nothing comes out of it omfg that’s just so. WOW at the end of the day the reasoning it’s so simple and pure. they just like him and wanna see where it leads them. and i can’t fault them for that!

… is also just. nail on the head!!!!! they just like being in love with him!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 it’s so simple and that gives it so much more meaning to me.

AND THE SANDALWOOD . YES. bfb!gojo is sandalwood coded idk why i just know he smells all earthy and warm and ambery. NEED to sniff his neck. sorry what.

sniffle i’m soooo happy you enjoyed this fic n the ending kairo T_T NOW . let’s talk abt…… the ending possibilities…….. bc i have many Thoughts and they’re the same as yours >:3

since the ending is so open-ended……. methinks two (2) things can happen…….. i will express them here if you don’t mind :3 satoru introduces reader to someone like yuuta/yuji and reader becomes smitten w them OR a few years later, maybe satoru ends up liking reader back! or a secret third option (reader/suguru endgame but satoru threatens suguru w baseball bat <333)

WE’RE SO LINKED. IT’S ACTUALLY INSANE. i got an anon ask abt the possibiltiy of sugu/reader being endgame so i started thinking abt it and!!!! rn i’m thinking of writing three different endings for this fic eventually :0 ANDDD they’re exactly the same as you said!!!! one where gojo and reader meet in the future and the atmosphere is a lot more hopeful, one where they end up w someone else entirely (yuuta/gumi/riko/yuji… still haven’t decided </3) AND. one …. secret bonus ending ……….. where they end up w sugu. the main reason it could never be a Real Ending is bc i legitimately do think satoru would threaten sugu with a baseball bat 💀💀 like he’s handled the situation so maturely only to find out his best friend didn’t do the same???? yeah. the beef would be too serious.

soooooo i’m thinking …. it might be a secret relationship kinda thing ……. them sneaking around……… summer fling vibes kind of. hehe i’m actually excited to write it out bc :3 i think it’s fun. AND it fits w the theme of the fic too!! everything abt the future and how fun it can be when it’s uncertain. reader might meet satoru again and hit it off, they might meet someone else, they might fall for someone who’s been in front of them this whole time. just a bunch of fun what-if scenarios!!!! :>

but also i rmbr you mentioned ace!gojo so i could totally see him just being fond of reader and that’s it! he’d go to reader’s wedding w whoever (if they ever choose to) and be happy that they found someone :’) at the end of the day he wants to see reader happy and that’s all that matters! <333 you 🤝 me giving a character the ace agenda (me w choso… ace!choso my beloved i’m hugging you so hard king)

NEEDED TO MENTION THIS TOO. ANY MENTION OF ACE!GOJO AND I GO WILD . just to be clear though!!! i hc him as ace only, not aro (though i like the idea of that too hehe), so he’d still be able to like reader back!! there just wouldn’t b any sexual attraction there :3 the terms can be. kinda confusing pjskfkd but yea!!!! THOUGH WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC…… that could be another possible interpretation of bfb!gojo :0 if he was aro then it’d be even more bittersweet bc it’s not just the fact that he doesn’t like reader back, he just. Can’t feel that kind of romantic attraction!!! that’s a neat idea……..

but yeah hehe all my gojos are sort of written w ace!gojo in mind!!! i just don’t think he’d be very interested in sex (though i know that’s a Very hot take 😭😭)….. BUT ALSO KAIRO. we r holding hands. ace!choso is so GOODDDD he even has the colour scheme!!!! him and gojo r just walking around w the ace flag drip……. i can’t believe them…..

they’re my icons <33 anyway where was i….

i think you mentioned that you were worried abt it being all over the place but i don’t think that was the case at all! i think emotions in general ARE all over the place for humans anyways so the way it was written was depicted perfectly!

😭😭😭😭 pt 937383 of me crying over your rb WEEPSSSSS KAIRO ……. i’m cradling you so close to my chest!!!! i’m sorry i probably sound like a broken record atp but T_T m just!!! so so happy that you enjoyed this. you’re so so sweet. tysm for taking the time to reassure me too!! i rlly do trust your judgement so so much :’3 i’m so glad the emotions felt wellwritten to you!!!

AND ALSO WHAT YOU SAID ABT THE ANGST. yes!!! i didn’t want it to come off as super angsty or heavy, i see it as a lighter kind of angst!! :’3 soft angst…. or bittersweet fluff….. etcetc. it rlly is just the core of their dynamic and i think they’ve both accepted that in a healthy way !! and then there’s always that hint of hope bc. reader will never stop hoping and pining!! and i think it makes them happy to have that, to feel things so deeply, good and bad!! this is just me but i’ve never rlly seen unrequited love as a tragedy, i think that you can find a lot of contentment in that!! sometimes it’s just nice to adore someone.

anyway i’m rambling PHDKDJDJ i rlly am so fond of this concept and dynamic and i’m OVERJOYED that you liked it too <3333333333

also… toru in tight black tops & sweatpants… I See You Ari…….. i Too would like satoru to use me as workout gear

ALSO . needed to mention this….. we r looking at each other knowingly. bfb!gojo is slutty and cozy and completely irresistable 💔💔

also. how much do you wanna bet that riko crushed on shoko the same way reader crushed on satoru. $1 gazillion dollars are on the table.

DOUBLE ALSO . YOU’RE A LITTLE GENIUS KAIRO….. that’d be soso cute T_T riko is a lesbian 2 me idk it just makes sense . i think she adores all women. shoko was just always so cool…… cool citygirl who sometimes visited over the summer and smoked in their backyard……. riko was born to gl forced to shounen :(((((

BUTTTTT WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID . one final time: thank you so so so much for reading kairo 🥺 and for writing all this!!! i’m gonna be rereading it constantly for motivation hehe. all your thoughts r just so enjoyable to hear!!!!!! ik i’ve said it before but we rlly are on the same wavelenght when it comes to these guys and it’s always SO much fun to speak to you. i love you i love you i love youuuuu T_T

ALSOOOO DW!!!! i’m telling sugu to hurry over to you as we speak!!!!!! he’s gna make you the tastest grilled fish of your life <3333333

silly jjk meme for u my sweetheart :3

we can dip if you’re ready ; satoru gojo

synopsis; your dreams of a peaceful summer are rudely shattered by the presence of your best friend’s older brother; the same brother who rejected you five years ago. the same brother you’re still hopelessly, uselessly in love with.

word count; 7.4k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, best friend’s brother!gojo (he’s the hottest man in the stratosphere), mild age gap (four years!), unrequited love, but with a hopeful ending kind of, bittersweet fluff, mostly summer shenanigans and pining, riko is satoru’s younger sister and i would give her the stars, sugu makes a guest appearance, (they’re both just there to bully gojo), he’s fairly mature in this i think, reader is very stubborn and very down bad, [name] used exactly once

a/n; personally i would let him use me as workout gear (tagging @teddybeartoji @dollsuguru @hayakawalove @vagabond-umlaut !! tysm for the help and encouragement ily 🥺🥺)

one mellow summer morning, over a breakfast of pancake and toast, the puppy-love you’ve nurtured for the past three years finally reaches its conclusion.

you’re seventeen years old. in three months you’ll be eighteen, standing on your own two feet, headed in a new direction — the whole world within your reach. but right now you’re still seventeen, and lovesick, and sleeping on a mattress in your best friend’s room. listening to the sound of the nearby sea. 

you’re seventeen, and dreaming about things you can’t have. you’re seventeen, and wearing your heart on your sleeve. 

you’re seventeen, and hopelessly, uselessly in love with a certain satoru gojo.

it’s early. your veins are sleepy and your heart is heavy, and you wake up at the crack of dawn just to catch a glimpse of him before he leaves for work. he’s leaning against the kitchen island when you trot down the stairs, and the smell of syrupy pancakes hangs heavy in the air. his bare chest is exposed, his pajama pants cling to the curve of his hips, and he rejects you with an easygoing kindness you wish he wouldn’t grant you. 

suddenly, without mercy. a finality to his voice.

”you’re more like a younger sibling to me. you understand, right?”

he ruffles your hair, and you’re still sleepy, and you wish you could grasp the strings of your heartbeat to stop it from fluttering like this. wish you could pull yourself out of whatever trance he put you in, three years ago, when you stumbled over the threshold to your best friend’s house and landed headfirst in his chest.

”you’re a good kid,” he says, and his smile teeters on the edge of something apologetic. mostly, it’s pitying. ”there are lots of people out there for you.”

he ruffles your hair, as affectionate as ever, the same as it’s always been. not a trace of any romantic intent. the weight of his palm on your head is usually a comfort, but like this?

it’s a specific kind of torture. 

there are lots of people out there for you.

(i know, you want to tell him, but your voice is raspy and your throat feels sort of dry. i know.

but i want you.)

“don’t get hung up on a schoolgirl crush, hm?”

when you finally raise your head, satoru is looking right at you. kindly, patiently, like a benevolent god. his blue eyes flecked with dots of white, like fluffy clouds on a summer sky. tilting his head to the right, as if searching for confirmation, waiting for your response. you muster up the will to nod; smiling in a way that must seem pitiful.

but he just pinches your cheek, throws his backpack over his broad shoulders, and asks you to let his sister know he’ll be home later than usual today.

then he leaves. he leaves you alone with two plates of sugary pancakes on the kitchen table, one for you and one for riko. he put whipped cream on top, and chocolate chips in the batter. it smells good. it smells like an apology.

and that’s how it ends. 

there’s no great climax, no real resolution. you bite down on your lip, and spend about an hour pitifully sniffling into a fluffy pillow, even though none of it comes as a surprise. it still hurts, though. your best friend comforts you, tells you that at least you have some kind of closure now — an absolute rejection to make your feelings go away. about time, she thinks, though she’s far too kind to say it outloud.

except they don’t.

the moral of the story is; satoru gojo doesn’t love you back. he’s known you since you were fourteen, since he was eighteen, and he could never see you as anything more than a little kid. you’re his sister’s best friend, and he loves you, but not in the way you love him. it’s not surprising, or shocking. it’s exactly how it should be.

satoru gojo doesn’t love you back. he never will.

(you really, really wish your stupid heartbeat cared.)

one mellow summer evening, five years later — you step onto a bustling train platform, dragging your luggage behind you, and breathe in the scent of a familiar seaside.

above you, seagulls chatter and cry. you look around, and everything feels familiar, despite the time that’s passed since the last summer you visited. the same flowers, peach blossoms and hydrangeas and tulips in all kinds of shades; the same street vendors and aroma of freshly grilled fish. the same cute and quaint port town, quiet during winter and autumn, pleasantly noisy during the warmer seasons. right now, on the cusp of june, there are enough tourists around to make finding the right face in the crowd a difficult task.

luckily, she’s quick to find you. with her long, dark locks of hair, neatly braided; her yellow sundress and matching headband, sunflowers embroidered into the fabric. barreling towards you with a speed that would scare you a little if you weren’t so used to it, used to her.

riko. your one and only best friend.

she’s nestled into your embrace before you can get any greetings out, and squeezing you so tightly that you have no choice but to let her beat you to it. she’s warm, like a bundle of sunshine. the same as always.

with a low whine of your name, she nuzzles into your chest. “i missed youuuu…”

a chuckle bubbles up in your throat. and even though it hasn’t been very long at all, even though you talk on the phone almost every day and saw each other in person just about a month ago, you indulge her. “i missed you too, riko.”

another whine, and then she’s pulling back. squishing your cheeks together and pouting petulantly. “you better have! don’t ever make me spend summer all alone again, okay?”

you match her expression, eager to protest. “you’re still mad about that? it’s not my fault i got sick.”

“too sick to see your best friend? too sick to continue our most important tradition?” she shakes her head, letting go of you. struggling not to smile. “awful. just awful!”

“drama queen.” her lips break out into a grin, and yours follow. “i’m here now, aren’t i?”

“you are,” she agrees, quick to link her arm with yours. you follow her steps, leading you towards that familiar house. you can see it from here, a roof burdened with morning glories, those expensive white walls. “no, but seriously. i’m really happy to see you.” her voice drips with joy, giddy and sweet. “i don’t think i’d survive two months alone with that old man.” 

ah. right.

your lips curl up into a smile, albeit a little uncertain. giddy, maybe. nervous? you aren’t sure. something swirls around in your stomach, little butterflies. tickling the ridges of your ribs, all those fluttering heartstrings. it’s been a while since you felt like this. all your summers are spent here, and all of riko’s, but he’s usually too busy.

the girl on your right chatters on and on, clinging to you, gradually melting away your skittish nerves. she tells you about her morning, what she ate for breakfast, the new show she’s been binging — it’s just as familiar as the house that soon comes fully into view. big and expensive, but still cozy, overgrown with flora. you don’t think either of the siblings really bother to take care of it, but it’s a pretty kind of neglect. a cute veranda, a beautiful garden. the apple tree you used to climb.

the buzz of an old radio spills out from an opened window, translucent curtains swaying with the breeze. when you strain your eyes you think you hear humming.

riko grins, dragging you with her through the opened gate. the yellow paint on the fence is starting to peel, and someone from inside has started pushing the door open, and the butterflies in your stomach can do nothing but sputter and squirm.

it’s summer, and you're back. back in that cute, quaint port town.

(and so is he.)

“why, hello there! if it isn’t my cute little [name].”

time stills, for just a single moment.

he looks the same as you remember. a little taller, you think, but he was always tall enough to tower over you; broad shoulders and long legs, sharp blue eyes gazing down at you. he’s wearing black shades, but you can still feel the weight of his pupils, crumble under the knowledge that his attention is entirely on you. wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tight black shirt, showing off every dip and ridge of his chest. a pleasantly cool breeze ruffles his white hair, short and trimmed, healthy locks to match his bright and sunny grin.

he looks happy to see you.

“don’t be weird,” comes riko’s voice, breaking you out of your little spell. all while she’s ushering you both towards the door, beyond the threshold, into the hallway. satoru clicks his tongue.

“so hostile today. shouldn't you be in a good mood?”

then he’s turning towards you, again, tilting his head just enough for his eyes to peek out the slightest bit. they’re crinkled at the edges, and his smile is fond. “how was your trip?”

more butterflies. his voice flows from his glossy lips, smooth and melted, pleasantly deep. you can only hang on to riko’s arm, mustering a small smile of your own.

“good,” you chirp. a little stiff, but polite, like you’re greeting an old friend; it’s been so long since you last spoke to him. ”i’m tired, though.”

your reply is met with a chuckle, a raspy tremor of his vocal cords. it sends a shiver down your spine. the weight on your arm disappears, as riko stumbles forward and kicks her sandals off. muttering something about gum getting stuck on the sole. you’re left standing right across from satoru, suddenly very aware of how much space he takes up all on his own. leaning against the wall, making himself comfortable. and chuckling, with that stupidly sexy voice.

“i bet. take a nap if you need to, yeah?”

a moment of silence. riko curses in the background, and you shift from foot to foot. unable to properly look into his eyes.

for a second, his smile drops — eyes obscured by the black glass of his frames, betraying no emotion. it only lasts a second.

then he’s moving forward, one large stride towards you, leaning down to wrap his big arms around your waist. bringing you into a hug, not as tight as you remember them being. you wonder if he’s holding back.

(his touch burns your skin, all the same.)

one of his palms finds solace on the top of your head, ruffling your hair. you can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks, terribly sincere. “i missed you, kiddo.”

a quiet squeak tumbles from your lips, and you pray to every god you can think of that he doesn’t hear it. his chest is pressed right against you, firm, radiating body heat. his limbs wrap you up in it, a cocoon of warmth that makes it hard to breathe. you can smell his cologne from where your cheek meets his collarbone; sandalwood invading your senses.

“i m-missed you too,” is all you can croak out, voice breaking pitifully. at this rate you might actually faint.

just out of view, riko narrows her eyes. before you can plead for help, she’s tugging you away from the embrace, pushing her brother away, and you inhale as much of the fresh summer air as you can. 

“alright, that’s enough,” she huffs, pulling you closer. “c’mon! we should unpack your stuff right away!”

“want me to carry it?” satoru asks, already eyeing your luggage like a predator about to lunge at his prey. even if you say no, you know he’s not going to listen. 

so you let him. and within the next few minutes, you’re seated on riko’s bed, suitcase on the floor, a glass of lemonade in your hand. blinking sluggishly. 

“are you sure you’ll be alright?”

you raise your head. your best friend is looking at you with a questioning glance, head tilted and brows furrowed. now you’re all alone, and it’s quiet, peaceful. her brother went out to buy snacks for you. all you can hear is the low buzz of the radio downstairs, and faraway waves. 

“huh?”

“i mean, with, y’know…” she moves her hands haphazardly, making some kind of gesture you don’t understand. “with my brother. and your… condition.”

you blink.

“… did you just refer to my crush as a condition?”

“well, it might as well be!” she groans, muffled, faceplanting onto the mattress. “don’t think i didn’t see you checking out his biceps just now. you’re so obvious.” 

heat rushes to your cheeks. you try to shoo it away with a furrow of your brows and a loud exhale, but it lingers underneath your skin. “look — i —“ you scramble for words, brain tied up in fatigued knots. “did you see that shirt? is he buying them a size too small, or what?”

“oh, come on! that’s all it takes?”

another pair of exhales. you cross your legs, and she rolls onto her back. the silence is comfortable, and you gnaw at your bottom lip until she speaks up again.

“you could really, really do better, you know?”

her voice is quiet. soft, sincere, delicate as a sheet of glass. you know she’s just looking out for you, that she doesn’t want you pining for a guy who’ll never return those feelings — she’s kind like that, always has been. but…

“… i just like him.”

you take a tentative sip of your lemonade. sour and sweet. the cubes of ice clink against the glass, fresh condensation cooling down the tips of your fingers. her gaze lingers on your skin. it’s heavy, just like his.

you meet it with a sheepish smile, a little self-deprecating, but not embarrassed. she already knows all about your predicament. 

(you just like him. that’s all there is to it.)

and she pulls herself into a sitting position.

“i know, i know,” she finally sighs, slumping against you, cheek smushed over your shoulder. “just don’t give him more attention than me, ‘kay?”

you let out giggle. “well, duh.”

she gives you a sunny grin.

“okay, good.” 

you put the glass down on the windowsill beside you. just so you can stretch your arms out, falling backwards; a mountain of pillows cushioning your fall. a yawn spills past your lips, and riko sits up.

“wanna take a nap?” she tilts her head, dark locks framing her pretty blue eyes, deep as the sea. “that’s probably good. we’re going straight to the beach tomorrow, you know!”

“mm…” your eyes flutter shut, and you focus on that faraway sound. waves crashing against sand, the whistling of seagulls, the salty scent of the ocean. “that sounds nice.”

despite your exhaustion, you end up tossing and turning that night. not because of your best friend’s snores, or the feeling of a mattress you haven’t slept on in two years — but from the quiet sounds downstairs. glasses clinking, a chuckle here and there. the tv being turned on. tossing and turning from the knowledge that your childhood heartthrob, current heartthrob, is in the same house as you. a little older, a little less childish, even more charming than you remember him being.

you’re older, too. more mature, you like to think, even if the gain is small.

(maybe there’s a chance?)

shaking the thoughts from your head, mind still spinning along to the tune of his humming, you squeeze your eyes shut and try to fall asleep.

you’ll be okay.

okay, nevermind. you’re completely screwed.

“oh, there you are!”

satoru is already waiting up ahead when you step onto the beach, feeling the sand between your toes, a pleasantly cool breeze giving you respite from the sweltering heat.

the sun beats down on you, fervent sunlight warming the water up ahead, calm waves and a sparkling blue to match the hue of the sky; cobalts and ceruleans, melting together like watercolour on a canvas. people crowd around the food stands, shaved ice and churros and grilled fish, scents mingling together with the joyous chatter all around you. vibrant sensations, enough to excite but not to overwhelm. 

a picture-perfect summer day.

your heart tingles with something giddy, skipping happily as you follow riko’s lead; she’s wearing a cute bikini set, frilly and floral, hair styled into a pair of braided pigtails, kept together by her favorite scrunchies. leading you towards her older brother, waiting patiently, having already grabbed a nice spot for you. a parasol, a blanket, a picnic basket. you see bottles of pink lemonade, wrapped sandwiches, strawberries in a plastic container.

more than anything, you see him. you see him, and realize just how screwed you are.

he’s smiling, when you approach. as always. hair tousled by the ocean breeze, blue eyes gleaming with mirth, exposed by the sunglasses close to slipping down the bridge of his nose. he’s wearing a hawaiian shirt, black in colour, white floral patterns to tie it all together. just unbuttoned enough to show off his collarbone, a sliver of his chest, the short sleeves exposing his biceps; patches of pale skin, shining with the beginnings of sweat. 

(you’re about to fucking explode.)

as soon as you’re in sight, satoru lights up, aiming the flash of his phone in your direction. his other hand stays tucked into the pocket of his shorts. “aw, look at you two!” he coos, grinning brightly, teasing and sweet. “pose for the camera, okay?”

you’re still too hypnotized to react, but riko scurries ahead, ready to steal it from his grasp.

“no pictures!”

“oh, don’t be like that!” he takes a step back, dodging her attack by a hair, still wearing the same grin. “you’re gonna thank me ten years from now, trust me. it’s for the memories!”

a new voice spills into the air, suddenly, and you’re brought back into reality. it’s silky and low, smooth and nice, honeysuckle nectar turned into sound. interrupting the siblings.

“it’s been ten seconds. how are you already bickering?” 

you turn towards its source, and spot a familiar face — right next to satoru. were you seriously too mesmerized to notice him? black hair, another hawaiian shirt, slightly lidded eyes… 

suguru. 

he meets your surprised stare with a relaxed smile, and takes a step forward; meeting you for a quick hug. he looks the same as he did when you were younger, odd bangs, hair tied up into a bun.

“hi there,” he hums, right by your ear, a light squeeze before he lets go. “it’s been a while.”

you part your lips, smiling through your words. a little stunned. “i didn’t know you’d be here too!”

he chuckles, a light shrug of his shoulders. “me neither. satoru called me last night and asked me to drop by. i had time to kill.”

“you missed me.”

a dubious look. suguru gives a lazy roll of his eyes, avoiding the smug voice to his right. “i saw you last week,” he tuts, an unimpressed expression on his face. “how could i miss you?”

“do you need a reason to miss your best friend?” he shakes his head, slowly, side to side. white locks swaying back and forth. “awful. just awful.”

you stifle a smile, completely unsuccessful. the sun feels nice on your skin, and the scent of the sea is nostalgic, and they’re all the same as ever. it’s like you can feel your nerves melting away, slowly but surely, like grains of sand slipping through the gaps between your fingers. 

“the matching shirts are cute,” you point out, wanting to partake in the conversation, only to be met with a pair of furrowed brows.

suguru sighs. “that…” he mutters, massaging his temple, not before shooting satoru a dirty glance. “wasn't planned.”

said man only grins, unperturbed, tucking his phone back into his pocket. thoroughly amused. “he’s mad that i stole his fit,” he chirps, stretching his arms idly. it makes his shirt ride up, ever so slightly, and you swallow a gulp.

“well… you look good in it.”

at that, satoru stills. gazing at you, silently, before breaking out into another grin. self-satisfied, a smooth curve, sunlight against the white of his teeth. you glance away, suddenly a little shy.

“does he?” the other two deadpan, completely in sync. it shoos away the smile on his lips, making way for a displeased frown.

“oh, come on. would it kill you to call me handsome now and then?”

“handsome?” riko places her hands on her hips, raising an unimpressed brow, a sassy lilt to her voice. “you look like a single father down on his luck.”

“seconded,” suguru quips, hiding the beginnings of a smirk. picking at a piece of lint on his shirt. “honestly, i’m surprised you’re wearing any layers at all. not gonna flaunt your abs this time?”

satoru brightens, suddenly. wiggling his brows, a sweet coo on the tip of his tongue. “oh? want me to loosen up a couple buttons?” he purrs, and you hate yourself a little for the instant yes that resounds through your mind. “you know you can always just ask, suguru.”

his teasing goes ignored, but you don’t miss the amusement that flits through the scope of suguru’s eyes, even as he tries to maintain that deadpan expression.

finally, he exhales. “well, see you later,” he hums, directed to you and satomi, checking the time on his wristwatch. “i should probably get going.”

“you’re not staying?” you ask, lashes fluttering with a confused blink. he smiles.

“i am,” he reassures you. “just gonna go fishing for a while. i thought i’d give it a try.”

“fishing?” riko exclaims, covering her amused grin with the palm of her hand. stifling laughter, you can tell, a bout of giggles begging to push past her lips. “what are you, fifty?”

satoru lets out a snort. to his left, suguru goes eerily silent — ominous, staring into your best friend’s eyes with no visible emotion. enough to make her smile fall. you feel a sense of deja vu.

“wait, i’m just kidding!” she suddenly squeaks, clinging to your arm and hiding behind you. she’s always had good survival instincts. ”don’t put me in a headlock!”

(they’re so stupid. 

gosh, you missed them.)

“oh, by the way — do you want some shaved ice?” she turns to you, eyes crinkled at the edges, voice syrupy and sweet. “i can go get us some. what flavour do you want?”

“ah, great idea!” satoru matches her tone, tongue flitting out to lick his lips, glossy with chapstick. “i was just craving something sweet.”

“you’re paying, by the way.”

“…”

“so? any preference?” she tilts her head, waiting patiently for your reply. smiling once she gets it. “alright, got it. you, suguru?”

“i’m good. thanks, though.”

“okie-dokie,” she puts her palm out, facing satoru. “money, please.”

he only tuts, digging through his pocket and pulling out a black wallet. you think you spot a photocard, but he’s pulled out a credit card and tucked it back into his pocket before you can get a closer look. 

“get me watermelon, okay? strawberry is fine too. if push comes to shove, go for anything other than lemon.” he hands her the card with a click of his tongue. “and watch out for creeps. if anyone hits on you, you know where to aim.”

she pockets it with a huff, exasperation on her features. “i’m twenty-three, toru. i can take care of myself.”

“aww, don’t be like that,” he coos, hands reaching out to squish her cheeks. she tries to squirm away, to no avail. “you’ll always be my little baby sister, you know. and, as your dependable big bro, i —“

“ugh, whatever.” she shoots him an unimpressed glance, finally escaping his hold. ”are you gonna go all men are wolves on us, or something?”

”they are! just look at suguru.”

”hey.”

you hide a growing smile behind your hand, watching them bicker and banter, feeling that sense of peace again. the summer day feels a little like a hazy daydream, a heavy nostalgia that sticks to your bones like gum on the sole of your shoe. 

and, once again — you end up alone with a certain someone. suguru walks towards the faraway pier, riko strolls up to the stand selling shaved ice, and satoru lingers behind. you think he looks relaxed, at ease, but you can’t really look at him for too long without feeling nervous. without feeling as if you’re both ignoring the elephant in the room. 

it still feels a little like there’s an invisible wall between you.

he’s the first to speak up, craning his neck and stretching like a big cat, a tiny groan escaping him. “well, there they go,” he hums. “what do you feel like doing first?”

“ummm…” you rack your brain for ideas, coming up empty. a little fried by his presence. you could go into the water, and escape the heat — sunbathing with him doesn’t sound so bad, though…

lost deep in thought, you barely notice him inching closer. still weighing your options, water or land, a relaxing nap or a splash war. you don’t notice until you feel his arm sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer, just by a hair. stealing all the oxygen from your lungs.

(you think your brain shuts down a little.)

his touch burns, as always. bare skin on bare skin. electric, a trail of sparks rushing through your veins. he’s warm, and solid, effortlessly composed — guiding you right where he wants you, which is by his chest, where you can practically hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat —

and then he’s pulling away.

you raise your head to meet his gaze, completely flushed, unsure if you were hallucinating or not. he’s looking somewhere behind you, with an oddly cold gaze. you follow his stare, craning your neck, catching a glimpse of a man turning his back on you both before walking away.

… was he staring at you, or what?

when you search for satoru’s eyes again, they’re already on you. he’s smiling, a little sheepish, scratching at the back of his neck.

“sorry,” he chuckles. “i got paranoid.”

oh.

your skin still feels like it’s on fire. a lingering heat, blossoming where his skin touched yours, rendering you speechless.

finally, you gain control over your vocal chords, dry and charred. just enough to croak out a response. “i — it’s fine.”

your eyes stay glued to the sand beneath you, staring at a crushed seashell, unable to look him in the eye. feeling the back of your neck grow hotter. you miss the dirty glance riko sends his way, having just returned with the shaved ice, and the way satoru mouths out a silent what?

it’s easier after that. she grounds you, a little, leading you out into the sea. the water is pleasantly mild, licking at your ankles, coaxing you further, until it’s reaching up to your waist. it cools you down considerably, and before you know it you’re splashing her with all you’ve got, giggles filling the salty air — seagull cries above you and wet sand beneath your feet, a glimmer or two of tiny fish, loud laughter. sensations all around you. satoru watches you with a smile, munching on a sandwich, not joining you both until riko beckons him over.

the day stretches on, melting away into evening. people leave the beach behind them, suguru heads back to the house with a bucket of fish and a smug smile, riko dries herself off with a towel and rushes to a nearby convenience store when she notices that it’s about to close. murmuring something about dinner, shooting you an anxious glance, a silent will you be alright on your own? with him? 

you wave her off with a smile. hoping it’ll come off as convincing.

so, one way or another, you end up under a parasol with a certain satoru gojo; putting empty bottles of lemonade back into the picnic basket, rolling up the blanket, stuck with cleaning duty. satoru carries it all, unwilling to let you help, the basket hanging off his arm. you walk away from the beach, stepping onto solid asphalt again, beginning your trekk up towards the main street — not too long of a walk, but you’re tired, even though satoru doesn’t seem tuckered out in the slightest. walking a step or two ahead of you.

the sun is beginning to set, melting like a sundae on the boundary of the horizon, rays of golden sunshine dripping down your wrist. satoru looks good in it, the pink and orange; peaceful, somehow. when the breeze licks a stripe across his cheek, he closes his eyes and exhales. there’s a smile on those lips, a smile of contentment.

he turns towards you and waits until you catch up.

“tired?” he coos, tilting his head, absently tucking his shades into the breast pocket of his shirt. blinking slowly, eyes shimmering in the summery hue of evening. 

“kinda,” you smile, trying to muster a pep in your step. another hum buzzes in his throat, and then he’s facing forward again.

“c’mon. let’s get you something from the vending machine, okay? ‘s just up ahead.” he pats your head, once, twice. “that’ll give you some energy.”

you can only nod, following his lead. hydrangeas bloom all around you, a thick syrupy scent, paired with apple blossoms from the backyards you pass. then you spot the vending machine. satoru takes out his wallet, finding his card — it’s not the same one as before. riko still has it.

and this time, you’re close enough to see it. in his wallet is a photocard, clearly visible; of a baby, sleeping soundly, with short tufts of hair. a dark colour unlike his own.

(your heart melts, a little.)

“cola or sprite?”

you raise your head, looking through the barrier of glass in front of you. then you’re stepping forward, fingertip pressing against it, pointing towards a green can of sprite. not looking at him, as you make your choice. ”this one.”

— suddenly, you feel his skin on yours.

you’re sleepy, and pliant, jaw caught between his fingers. he lifts it up, turns it towards him, just so that you’ll meet his gaze. two seas of blue, flecks of pure white, summer skies and summer clouds.

“there,” he exhales, pleased. giving you a reassuring smile before pulling away. “you’ve barely looked me in the eye today. ‘s gonna break my heart, y’know.”

a pause. you gulp, on instinct, shying away from his unbridled attention — eyes moving from those summer skies down to the curve of his glossy lips, and then back up again. a mistake, because when you glance down once more, unable to help yourself, you see it.

that apologetic smile.

(you really are obvious, aren’t you?

how embarrassing.)

silence splits the scene in half, only the faraway sounds of seagulls as background noise. they sound a little like they’re laughing, mocking you.

satoru presses a button on the vending machine, followed by a quiet beep. he doesn’t look at you when he broaches the subject, and you wonder if it’s out of respect or discomfort.

“still not over that schoolgirl crush, huh?”

…

something twists inside your gut. a little ugly, a little sentimental. now that he’s made the first move, it’s easier to move the pieces.

“it’s not a crush,” you murmur, kicking at a pebble on the ground. surprised by how clear your voice comes out. “i’m in love with you.”

a sigh. another beep, and the sound of a sodacan falling against metal flooring. he crouches down.

“… you could really, really do better.”

you watch as he fumbles with the pick-up box, eyes trained on the back of his neck, the buzzed hair of his undercut. letting out a quiet breath. “riko said the same thing.”

a snort pushes past his lips, ripe with fondness. he pulls himself up from the ground, shifting his weight from one foot to another, reaching for his wallet again. “oh, i’m sure.” he tucks the card back, slipping it into his pocket. a stray cat strolls by you, unburdened, waving its tail in the air. “really, though. you should listen to her.”

something cold meets your cheek. metal, condensation, a pleasant shiver down your spine. he presses the aluminium can against you, and you receive it with a murmur of thanks.

“i’m too old for you, for one.” he continues, and suddenly you feel a little like you’re being lectured. you break open the lid of the sprite can.

“you’re four years older.” a fizzy sound crackles like static in your ears, carbonation bubbling up, sticking to your fingertips. “and we’re both adults.”

he huffs out a breath, only mildly amused. “i’m pushing thirty, y’know?”

you take a sip, lips against cold aluminum, melting sunrays lapping at your skin. it tastes sweet. 

“i know.” a pause, your bottom lip trapped between two sharp teeth. gnawing at the flesh. ”i can’t control how i feel, though.”

…

“yeah,” he sighs, leaning back against the glass. crossing one leg over the other, fiddling with something in his pocket. “i know.”

a moment passes. then he parts his lips, again.

“hey, how about you join me on a mixer someday?” he searches for your gaze, smiling, another one of those charming tilts of his head. “i know some cute guys. and girls, if that’s your thing.”

your answer is instantaneous.

“i’ll pass.”

…

another exhale, breathed out into the summer air. it drips with exasperation, ripe with fatigue, but there’s still something fond there. unmistakable.

“fine, fine. just… think about it. okay?” his palm finds its way to your head, ruffling your hair gently. that comforting weight. “c’mon, let’s go back. riri’s making dinner tonight.”

and then he’s taking a step forward. you watch his back for only a moment, still deep in thought. a fizzy, syrupy sweetness sticking to your teeth, a sense of nostalgia invading all your senses. and, as always, that silent adoration.

deep down, you know it’s true. there’s no changing this, whatever this is. in the same way riko will always be his baby sister, you’ll always just be the brat that sniffled into his chest after your first fight with her. 

he’ll never quite see you the way you’d like him to.

(but, then again, isn’t that a part of it? that subtle, subtle kindness of his. the sense of maturity that asks for nothing in return.)

satoru is a good guy. that’s why you can’t help but adore him, despite everything. can’t help but watch his back as he leaves you behind, wishing you could catch up.

it feels nice, to open yourself up like this. crack the lid of your heart and have him wade through the carbonation. it feels nice to have your feelings be acknowledged, even if they aren’t reciprocated. even if you’re completely delusional, and high on summer joy. it feels nice just to watch him shine.

you gulp down the rest of your sprite, toss it into a trash can across the street, and stumble after him. veins sleepy, heart heavy, overwhelmed by adoration. you’ve already cracked the lid open; everything else comes easy. you just want to make a move, any move. want to see how he’ll react.

“satoru,” you call, and he comes to a standstill. when he turns around your arms are outstretched. “can i have a piggyback ride?”

the man before you blinks. once, then twice, fluttering like angel wings, or pretty clouds. 

and then his smile grows. you catch a glimpse of his dimples, for just a moment, and then he’s beckoning you closer with a chuckle.

“yeah? now you’re suddenly all brave?” he shakes his head, no real discontentment behind it. “or are you really that exhausted?”

he studies you intently, ripe with fondness, and you think your sluggish blinks must be enough to convince him. because he crouches down, back facing you, and chirps out a hop on. a little teasing, of course, but still nice. his arms underneath your thigh, lifting you up like it’s nothing. making sure you’re comfortable.

he’s strong. very strong. the butterflies in your stomach flutter around again.

and you really are very exhausted. bones buzzing with something sleepy and fatigued, sore after all the running around you did in the water. completely tuckered out, resting your cheek against his back. like this, you can feel his muscles, the solidity of his body. it’s a little bit distracting.

“— remember?”

a series of blinks. you grasp onto his shoulders, holding back a yawn. “huh?”

“you falling asleep on me?” he chuckles, walking forward. one step after the other, the soles of his sandals hitting the asphalt. “i was saying — how i remember doing this back then.”

you tilt your head.

“when you fell and twisted your ankle. i think it was nearby, actually. some park?”

“... oh.” when you really concentrate, you think you do recall it; the feeling of his back against your chest, a dull ache in your foot. “yeah, i remember.”

satoru hums, a little buzz of amusement. “after that, you and riri would ask me for it all the time. carry us, big bro!” his imitation makes you smile, voice high and squeaky. “so childish, i swear. i could barely carry one of you.”

a chuckle tumbles from your lips, and it seems to spur him on; because he continues. nostalgia pouring out his throat.

“don’t tell her, okay? but, see — i started going to the gym after that. lifting weights. training, and stuff,” he huffs out an amused exhale, grinning softly. “suguru made me carry boulders on the beach. it was kind of our thing.”

…

“we almost got arrested once.”

you can’t help but laugh, hiding in the smooth fabric of his shirt, in between those white printed flowers. shoulders shaking slightly, giddy and amused. “you did that just ‘cause you were embarrassed?”

“no. because i wanted to be prepared,” he murmurs softly. “in case the two of you ever happened to fall over at the same time, or something. i wanted to be able to carry you both back.”

satoru continues to walk, facing away from you. always smiling, you’re sure. even if you can’t see it.

“you’re both precious to me,” he says, making sure to keep his hold around your legs steady. “that’s why i don’t want either of you wasting yourselves on some random guy.”

a displeased huff.

“… you’re not a random guy, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“well, of course not. i’m the guy,” he quips, standing a little straighter, and you can practically see the smug smirk on his lips. “but i’m not a very good person.”

you blink.

silence fills the open air.

he says it so casually that you almost don't catch it. matter-of-factly, like it’s just another obvious realization, something so deeply ingrained that it isn’t even worthy of a tonal shift. satoru, who makes pancakes for the people he loves, who carries your bags and buys you soda and keeps a picture of his baby sister in his wallet.

that satoru isn’t a good person?

(how could he ever, ever think that?)

“you are.”

a low hum buzzes in his throat, absentminded. you’re not sure he hears you. if he does, he simply doesn’t care enough to respond. the scene flickers by, the moment comes and goes — you want to protest again, but something about this silence makes you hesitate.

the only thing you can do is —

“satoru.”

another little hum. acknowledging, this time. 

“do you… i mean,” you choke down a bundle of words, replacing them with new ones. gnawing at the flesh of your bottom lip. “is there really no chance… you’ll ever feel the same? none at all?”

…

a mirthless chuckle. he sounds a little tired, you think. more than a little exasperated. but the amusement is still there, laced into his voice, and you drink it in the same way you’ve always done. a little root, soaking in the light of the sun.

“after all that,” he mutters, “you’re still asking?”

a moment’s pause. you listen intently, as if you could hear the gears of his mind shift if you focus enough. as if just being stubborn enough could coax him into opening up the way you have. 

finally, he parts his lips.

“well,” comes a sigh, a click of his tongue. he breathes in the summer breeze. “maybe in a couple decades or so.”

you stare. those white tufts of hair sway with every step he takes, and his voice has a finality to it that isn’t lost on you. 

“… okay.”

a pause. then he’s barking out a short laugh, shoulders shaking. you tighten your grip around them. “okay?” he repeats, pinching the skin of your thigh. “can’t you read between the lines, you little troublemaker?”

a huff. you kick your legs, a little, just stretching them contentedly. wet hair sticking to his skin, your cheek still smushed against him, enveloped in his neverending warmth. “i don’t mind,” you whisper, choking down a yawn. and you mean it. “i’ve already waited eight years. a couple decades more isn’t too bad.”

silence, again. you wonder what he’s thinking. you wonder if you’ll ever come close to cracking open the lid of his heart. he parts his lips, oxygen spilling out.

(you think it’s a start.)

“has anyone ever told you that you’re awfully stubborn?”

you’re quick to nod, forehead nuzzling into his undercut. wearing a satisfied smile. “riko tells me all the time.”

“does she?” there’s silent laughter hiding between his teeth, eager to spill out. “that’s good. listen to her, alright? you might learn a thing or two.”

he’s teasing you. the sun is setting, and the air smells like saltwater, and satoru’s back is warm. his voice is set to a melodic lilt, and you feel strangely tempted to close your eyes. 

and you adore him again. 

right — loving him was never a choice, and waiting wasn’t an issue. getting over him is the tall hurdle, the root of the problem, a root you intend you trip over as many times as it takes for this something to bloom.

because he’s beautiful, and comfortable, and kind. because it’s his back you always end up clinging to. because he knows how you like your pancakes, how you take your coffee, what you look like when you cry. because you like this feeling, the swarm of butterflies in your stomach. even if they’re completely meaningless in the long run.

satoru is right, and so is riko. you’re stubborn, terribly so — if only you could see that as a bad thing.

if only you were physically capable of giving this something up.

unlike the siblings and their overgrown backyard, you just can’t seem to look away from an ugly bud yet to bloom. just in case it ends up blossoming, this summer, or the next. just in case it turns into something worth plucking from the ground. it’s fine if it withers away, too. at least it’ll give way to better soil.

you just like him. you just want to see where it leads you. that’s all.

“but promise you’ll go with me to that mixer, okay?” his voice calls, breaking you out of your thoughts. unrelenting. ”i’ll find you someone who’ll get your mind off lil ol’ me.”

ah. that’s right. 

(you’re terribly, horribly stubborn —

and satoru is too.)

you grin, soft and giddy, thinking of the years ahead of you. what they’ll be like. where’s the fun in a certain future?

“fine,” you hum, wrapping your arms around his neck. inhaling that familiar scent of sandalwood. “do your worst.”

[lveclouds]

↬ pairing: model! kim seokjin x university student reader, other members will make appearances

↬ genre/aus: heavy angst, zero to no fluff, (i’m so sorry y’all), non idol au, lovers to exes, slight college/university au

↬ wc: 3.2k

↬ summary: in which the idealistic love you crave, mostly seen in the cliche rom-coms, turns sour after your once blissful relationship with your longtime boyfriend comes crashing down. 

↬ rating(s): pg15, nc17 (see warnings) 

↬ tw: heavy swearing, heartbreak, (yup this one’s a sad one folks), sad ending, broken relationship (jin becomes too busy and begins to neglect reader), zero fluff (well, ok, maybe like a crumb or two), the other members are actual sweethearts and reader’s support system in this drabble <3, slight mentions of cheating rumors (jin doesn’t actually cheat on reader, its mere speculation) 

↬ a/n: this drabble is part of the ‘footnote’ drabble series and is based off the song ‘movies’ by conan gray, which, is an absolute banger by the way (i highly recommend it) also yeah this one’s going to be sad asf im so so sorry:(( sending y’all all the hugs and tissues <3333 

at first, loving jin was easy, it was almost natural. he was unfailingly polite, a true gentleman, intelligent, and not to mention unbelievably handsome. it was a given, you supposed, since jin happened to be the most sought-after model in korea. he was also one of the youngest to have ever broken out into the fashion industry, having his first career break at just the age of nineteen. 

jin was also goofy, and always knew how to make you laugh, especially when you were feeling down after a shitty day of classes, having to deal with equally shitty professors. he often surprised you with spontaneous dinner dates, heart-warming and dizzying kisses under starlit skies, and the countless presents he’d gifted you, special occasion or not. 

you’d been so certain that a relationship between him, a famous fashion model and you, a sleep-deprived and financially unstable university student would never work. after all, jin could make anyone fall for him without as so much as breathing. all it would take is one charming and alluring smile, and anyone would fall hook, line, and sinker. he was devastatingly handsome, with black hair that fell over chiseled cheekbones, light brown eyes that held nothing but kindness and warmth, and plush lips that always looked so kissable. 

of course, jin had proven to you that that wasn’t the case, and that he had no desire to date anyone in the industry, regardless of the expectations that the media, or really, anyone had of him. “no one is allowed to tell me who i should or shouldn’t date, because even if they did, i wouldn’t listen.”  jin had said on the night he’d confessed to you, when you’d doubted anyone would approve of him dating a college student. 

“i may not be perfect, in fact, i’m anything but that. i’m quite self-deprecating, despite how confident i seem, and i actually hate being asked questions about myself. i’d rather be asked the stupidest questions than what my favorite dining spot in europe is, or whether this rumor about me is true. i guess what i’m trying to say that i’m human, i have doubts and fears and get my heart broken just like everyone else in this world. and, because i’m human, i can love whoever i want, and if the world doesn’t approve, then fuck it. i like you, and that’s all that matters.”

his confession was enough to tug at your heartstrings and win you over, for you’d tearfully said that you felt the same. you’d then been pulled into a kiss that was so dizzying it made your legs weak, and if it’d not been for jin’s strong arms holding you close, then you would’ve collapsed, right then and there. and thus, your relationship began, every date, every stolen kiss, and all the sweet gestures all felt straight out of a fairytale, a typical rom-com film, even. 

you’d always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic, living vicariously through the cheesy and cliche rom-coms you’d watch on rainy days, often fantasizing about what your own relationship would be like, crying over countless romance books, yearning and wishing that you too could have a “perfect” romance. 

the rom-coms always made love look so effortless, with the girl and the guy falling head over heels for each other, and through a crazy twist of fate, they’d end up together, blissfully happy and ignorant of the troubles they’d likely face. of course, you’d always ignore the negative sides to a relationship, trapping yourself in a happy bubble. 

it was easy to love jin, for despite his busy schedule, always made time for you, no matter if he was set to walk new york fashion the next day and had to be on a plane at dawn, he always, always, made sure to spend time with you before jetting off to yet another fashion show or photoshoot. 

there were times where jin rarely got to see you, and while your days were lonely and often quiet, you couldn’t bring yourself to resent him. after all, you had agreed to enduring the late night calls and texts, and sometimes, nothing at all. jin’s career was taking off, and you would hate yourself if you got in the way of him doing what he loved. 

thus, you learned to cope with jin’s absence, throwing yourself into your studies, trying to think about anything but jin, who was million miles away, probably partying with famous models and walking the runway, with thousands of cameras pointed at him, shutters clicking away. he would text you every now and then, checking up on you, and asking if you were okay. 

and because you hadn’t wanted to worry him, you’d lied everytime, saying that you were fine, and that you hoped that he was getting plenty of rest and eating a proper meal whenever he could, and that you loved him. jin had been the one to say it first, on your one-year anniversary, gazing at you as if you were the only star in the sky, full of pure and unadulterated love. 

dating long distance was hard, and before you knew it, everything came crashing down. jin started to pull away from you, not bothering to text and call like he usually did, and his visits home were short, fleeting, even, and he’d leave you with a mere kiss on the cheek. you’d tried not to resent him for it at first, for you knew that jin had a lot on his plate, and had so much pressure surrounding him. 

jin also cared a lot about his reputation and career, as it’d taken him years for the public to see him as more than just a pretty face, though he tried not to show it. you could tell, though, from the way his broad shoulders would tense in interviews whenever the journalist would ask him about his love life or anything else invasive. he was careful not to tell them who he was dating, just that he was seeing someone. 

it’d hurt, you’d admit, for jin to refer to you as an anonymous person, and not someone who was dear to him. but then, jin had a reputation to uphold, and there was no way he’d not be criticized for dating a non-model. then, the rumors started. you’d tried to pay them no mind, for you knew jin would never cheat on you, but then, the pictures were released. pictures of jin with his arm around a gorgeous, slim, model with a smile plastered on his face, one that was usually directed at you, light brown eyes soft, crinkling at the corners. 

the pictures were enough to make your heart ache, and start to doubt that jin actually loved you. you waited and waited for an explanation from jin, confirmation that none of the rumors were true and vice versa, but none was given. you’d spend the following weeks sobbing into your pillow every night, shoving all the presents and gifts jin gave you in your closet, for the sight of them made you even more devastated than you already were. 

thankfully, your sulking didn’t last long, for your best friends, namjoon, jungkook, jimin, taehyung, yoongi, and hoseok bombarded you with texts and calls and voicemails, all of which you ignored, for you couldn’t bring yourself to face them in the horrid state you were in. 

after about a week or two, said friends barged into your dorm, led by jimin, whose expression was unreadable, green eyes filled with sadness. you’d burst out into tears then, feeling your heart ache so much it almost hurt, and spent thirty minutes sobbing into jimin’s chest, while your other friends gathered around you and rubbed comforting circles into your back. 

yoongi insisted on making you meals, despite your protests, sending namjoon and hoseok to the grocery store on campus for ingredients. jungkook made it his duty to watch each and every single episode of haikyu with you, making a huge bowl of popcorn for you to share, and wrapping you up in a soft blanket he’d brought from his own dorm. 

taehyung’s way of comforting you was a bit unique, to say the least. the blue-haired male was known for being a bit overprotective, at least when it came to his friends and the people he cared about. thus, he insisted on taking you shopping to buy new outfits, one that would “make jin realize that he’s being a fucking asshole” (his words). when you’d asked him how you buying new clothes was relevant, taehyung had simply said, “if he doesn’t end up on your doorstep, kneeling and begging you for forgiveness, then let’s just say my efforts are in vain.” 

taehyung’s plan, it turned out, was to dress you up in countless outfits, ones that made you feel and look confident, more so than you had been in months, then post them all over social media, in hopes that jin would see you, immediately feel guilty about he’s been treating you lately, and come running back. but of course, it was only in vain, for jin had only seen those pictures as a sign that you were happy, and nothing was wrong. 

and because you were feeling petty and hurt and neglected, you asked jimin to be your pretend boyfriend. jimin, to your surprise, had agreed. “why not? and who would pass up the chance to make the kim seokjin jealous?” and so, you’d posted pictures with jimin’s arm around you as you both sat in the campus starbucks, gazing at each other as if you were deeply in love, flirty smiles plastered on jimin’s face in every single one. 

it was wrong, and you knew that, but a part of you wanted to see what jin would do, how he’d react to an unknown man all over his girlfriend. frustratingly enough, it didn’t work, and you felt completely and utterly helpless. to distract you, namjoon took you on countless museum dates (purely platonic, of course), took you on relaxing bike rides and picnics, and even to a greenhouse, where you admired colorful flowers and plants alike. 

hoseok was a dance major, and often had the university’s dance studio to himself. so, at dawn, he dragged you out of bed and to the spacious studio, teaching you choreography to your favorite txt songs. and, for the first time in weeks, you’d finally forgotten all about the man you once thought so highly of. 

then, because the universe was so cruel, jin showed up on your doorstep about a month later, looking as resplendent and handsome as ever in a soft, oversized white sweater and dark jeans. his long black hair was now a startling shade of lavender, making his light brown eyes pop. luckily, your friends had insisted on staying with you, and had been so for the last few weeks, and were the ones that saved you from talking. namjoon, ever the one to take charge, had pushed you behind him immediately, and you felt jungkook’s arm bracketing your waist, holding you tight, and jimin and taehyung’s warm hands on your shoulders. 

hoseok and yoongi flanked namjoon on either side, looking every bit intimidating, arms crossed and giving jin the iciest glares they could muster. and, under any other circumstances, you would’ve found the sight hilarious. namjoon practically towered over jin, and he looked down at the latter, expression cold. 

“what the hell do you want?” he asked, and despite the calm in namjoon’s voice, you could make out the telltale twitch of his jaw, which meant that the tall male was anything but happy. “i just need to talk to my girlfriend-” jin started, and namjoon cut him off with a cruel laugh. 

“do you really think you have the right to call her that after the way you’ve treated her lately? y/n’s really too good for you, i mean, if i were her, i would’ve dumped your sorry ass the minute those articles came out.” at that, jin’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion. “what articles?” 

yoongi scoffed. “drop the act, yeah?” “what are you talking about?” hoseok let out a tired sigh. “the articles. you know, the ones about you dating that model.” jin’s face had paled. “what?” namjoon chuckled lowly. “you seriously didn’t know?” “n-no i had no idea.” jin stammered. 

“ok, fine, let’s say you didn’t know. so, if it’s not true, then why the hell didn’t you call y/n to tell her that?” jin, for once, was at a loss for words, and namjoon just regarded him calmly, crossing his muscular arms over his broad chest. “though you hurt y/n, she obviously still cares about you. i’ll let you talk to her, but if you make her cry even more than she already has, i will not hesitate to beat your ass.” 

jin gulped nervously, but nodded. namjoon shifted slightly so that the former could pass, and yoongi and hoseok barely spared the model a glance as he walked over to where you were standing with jimin, jungkook, and taehyung. jungkook immediately moved to stand next to you, arm never leaving your waist. 

“here to gloat?” jimin snarled, light green eyes ablaze with anger, and jin winced. “no, i just want to talk.” jungkook tightened his grip on your waist ever so slightly, and you leaned into the touch a bit, heart hammering against your chest. “you can talk to her, but we’re not leaving.” taehyung cut in, glaring at jin, cerulean eyes cold. 

jin managed a nervous smile, and slowly turned to face you, expression so sincere that you nearly gave in, but instead you fought the urge to run over and throw yourself into his arms. “explain.” you managed, voice raspy from disuse, and jin’s shoulders seemed to sag in relief. “i’m a shit boyfriend, i know that. i know that i haven’t been the best lately, and there’s no excuse for that. you deserve the entire world, to be loved and cherished and cared for. you don’t deserve to be treated like garbage, and yet, i went and did just that. i’m the biggest asshole on the planet for ghosting you for this long, for neglecting you. my pride and ego got the better of me, and all i could focus on was my career. what i should’ve done was pay more attention to you, be the boyfriend that you need, be there for you on your darkest days and to love and cherish you. as for the articles, i honestly had no idea that they even existed. while i did attend an afterparty after the fashion show, all i wanted to do was get on the first plane back home. i had to apologize for neglecting you, i couldn’t wait any longer.”  

as jin spoke, you fought back the tears, feeling your heart ache with each and every word. you were thankful that jungkook, jimin, and taehyung hadn’t left your side, for you were certain that with jin in front of you, you wouldn’t be able to function, let alone stand. “please, let me find a way to make it up to you.” jin pleaded, light brown eyes shining with desperate tears, and exhaled slowly, in an attempt to soothe your beating heart. 

“i-i’m sorry, jin, but i don’t think i can do that.” you murmured, sounding calmer than you felt, voice hoarse from disuse. “while i appreciate that you flew all the way here to apologize to me, don’t you think you could’ve done so sooner? i mean, it’s been months, jin. months. do you understand how hurt i was when you’d stopped texting and calling? i wasn’t asking for much, i just wanted to know if you were okay and if you were eating properly and getting enough rest. hell, i wouldn’t even cared if you sent me a fucking period, as long as i know you’re okay. i just wanted to see your face, just once, but i knew you were busy, and i didn’t want to disturb you. god, i tried not to resent you all this time, but you’ve made it impossible not to.” 

you took a deep, bracing breath before continuing, giving jungkook a grateful smile, which he returned with a gentle grin of his own, dark brown eyes sympathetic. “it’s not even the rumors or the stupid articles, it’s the fact that you neglected me, the fact that you left me in the dark. and, your visits really didn’t feel like ones at all, because you spent the majority of them sleeping or getting drinks with your friends.” 

“now, i have no problem with you hanging out with your friends, but the fact that you just up and left without so much as an i love you or even a kiss? you lied to me, jin. you said you didn’t care what anyone thought, and that if you wanted to date someone like me, then so be it. but in every interview where you were asked if you were seeing someone, you just said yes, and you made me sound like as if i was a one-night stand or a meaningless fling. i get that you don’t want the press butting into your love life, but hte fact that you don’t want to tell anyone makes me think that you’re ashamed of me. hell, i haven’t even met any of your friends from the industry, now that i think about.” 

“are you really that embarrassed that i’m your girlfriend? if so, why did you even bother with me? did you do that to play with my feelings, to lead me on? were you just taking pity on me?” you were a sobbing mess at this point, hating every tear and every shuddering, pathetic gasp. 

jin merely stood a few feet away, expression ridden with anguish, sadness, and desparaton, light brown eyes shiny with tears. “w-what does this mean for us?” “as much as i love you, this can’t go on. we can’t keep going on like this. i guess we weren’t meant to be. thank you for everything jin, thank you for giving me the fairytale romance i so desired. thank you for showing me what it was like to love and to be loved. goodbye, jin, know that i will always consider you a good friend.” 

with that, you gave jin one last sad, watery smile, and let jungkook lead you out of the house you once thought to be your home. now, as you walked away from it, it felt distant, foreign, almost. you threw yourself into jungkook’s arms, and the latter crushed you tight against his chest, rubbing comforting circles on your back as you sobbed, clutching the soft fabric of his t-shirt. your heart was aching, so much it hurt, and felt as if it could crack at any moment. 

everything hurt, and nothing would ever be the same ever again, not without jin in your life. jin was the only person who ever made you feel loved, the one person you bared your entire heart and soul to, as well as the one who broke your heart into a million pieces. you were sure you would never love again. loving him was easy, but it also hurt. 

a/n: this was a struggle to write ahaha :) anyways i hope you all liked this <3 i’m actually awful at writing angst so i apologize if this sucks :(( but ahhhh this is the first drabble in my ‘footnote’ drabble series and i cannot wait to write/post the rest of them <333 the next one is going to be a lot fluffier than this, i promise <3 love you all, and, as always, feedback is not required, but always appreciated <3333 

tagging: @taegularities , @sketchguk, @taeyo95 , @raplinesmoon, @mochi-molala , @ressjeon​ ,  @joyfulhopelox, @kookskingdom , @kookstempo , @everkook , @kth1 , @jeonjcngkook , @jtrbluv​ , @rkivian​ , @blushingkoo , @playmetheclassics , @sugakookitty , @beckysworld7 , @jinterlude​ , @writtenwhalien , @baljinciaga​, @jinsgalaxy​ , @sunshinejunghoseokie , @jenoloqy , @4gustdiors , @kookdiaries​ , @yoon2k​ , @lavienjin​ , @kithtaehyung-main​ + anyone else who wants to be tagged! (im so sorry if i forgot to tag you i have the memory of a goldfish) 

[radramblog]

What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2. 

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

[wiener-blut]

concert report, I guess

Idk if anyone wants to hear this, but here’s my memories from the Lindemann show in Leipzig, 14th february 2020. Keep in mind, all of this is my own opinion, I don’t mean to attack anyone here, and that I could easily be mistaken with some, my memory loves playing games with me :^) Also if you’re still to attend a concert and don’t want to be spoilered, avoid this, obviously.

Waiting.

Drove by bike to the venue, arrived at around 1.30/2pm. Around 15 people were already there, waiting. They were really nice altogether. Into 3pm, people started to form a disciplined queue. Shitty weather, but at least no heavy rain. Cold, though. 4pm; I decided to drive back home to get rid of our bag (on my way to the bikes a man in his fifties asked me who’s playing tonight, pointing at the crowd, bewildered, I responded “Lindemann, front singer of Rammstein”, he was like “I read he was born here!!” super excited that he knew – he was cute lol so confused by how crazy people are); got into a rather unpleasant rainfall on my way back to the venue. 5pm; people were told to not stand on the street, so people gathered all around us, ignoring the built queue from before; assholes tried to cut in line. Got really crowded, people in front us were still being really kind and considerate, people behind us not so much. Last hour went by quickly, good company around us, save for some idiots. 6.30pm; security let us in – people from behind were pushing, not cool. Inside the venue, it was really chill, I even waited for @haifisch-ohne-traenen​, walked inside, people gathered around in the middle, low-key ran to our spot in the first row, right in front of Peter AW YEAH!!! Another wait til 8pm, filled with squeezing through people to get to the toilet and back, and chatting with the two guys behind us.

Jadu.

Shit, I’m so gay. She literally owned the stage so hard and her band mates were so cute and the keyboarder interacted with us a lot, he kept grinning at us whenever he saw us singing along; a perfect opening to an awesome night.

Aesthetic Perfection.

Surprisingly good tbh? Wasn’t the biggest fan after listening to some songs on youtube, but they’re a banger live. Really set the mood for the main act.

Lindemann.

Oh boy, where to start. First thing we saw was a video of Till in a diaper, with a bald head and the goggles from drsg’95 (at least I think it were those?), running and dancing around on the street, sucking his thumb (note: I reckon this video was shot a couple years ago). Actually hilarious, a surprisingly, and welcome, light hearted start to the show. I’m just gonna go through this song by song, because I suck at remembering things and need some kind of guidance lol.

Skills in Pills

Good song, good opener. The crowd went apeshit, it felt like the air was exploding, really unbelievably powerful. Peter was looking at us (naturally, because we were quite literally in his face), making faces, which he kept doing throughout the whole concert. Till was wandering across the stage, it seemed like he was noticing a lot of people, esp. in the first row, including us, huehue.

Ladyboy

One of my favorite Lindemann songs. Was so cool seeing and hearing it live, I went absolutely wild. I think this was the first time they changed places, and Jonathan (the one with the braided pigtails) came over to us, and whoops I fell in love.

Fat

Not the biggest fan of the song, admittedly. Still a good one. Good placement. The first time I glanced at the screen behind them, only did it one or two times more. I came here for the music, not some fucked up porn clips, I can easily find those on pornhub, thank you.

Ich Weiß Es Nicht

Never liked the verse, but the chorus is so touching to me, idk why. Sang my heart out at the chorus.

Allesfresser

Okay so I came prepared. I knew what was gonna happen. First half of the song was incredible, another fav song. Screamed my head off. Then, cakes were brought and ngl, it kinda took away from this awesome song for me. I really, really did not want to end up having cake smeared all over me by the first third of the concert. So I watched out for them, praying that they wouldn’t aim in our direction. Ended up with a few lil teeny tiny sprimkles on my arm and in my hair (that actually came from a cake Jonathan yeeted over our heads :3c), nothing too bad. Cake was actually delicious. Last cake was thrown by Sebastian, Peter’s son, Till was standing in the middle, in front of the drums, stealthily (so he thought) pointing to our side, but Sebastian didn’t catch it and threw it into the audience across from us and boy, you should’ve seen Till’s face lol. He looked so mad, internally. Also I was really happy to get to rewatch a clip from Hänsel und Gretel on the screen.

Frau & Mann

I have never seen a crowd go that hard to a song. Probably the loudest on the audience’s side. Was jumping a lot, Till came over a lot. Guess bobbing boobs really are an efficient Till-magnet. Actually, when the line “Kann dich nicht vergessen” (“Cannot forget you”) came on, Till pointed directly at us, like no fucking lie, we just froze. I know, I can’t be for sure, blah blah, but come on, just let me believe he pointed directly at us ok. There’s a video on youtube, where you see him pointing into the crowd at that line, that’s where we stood.

Knebel

Best choice they could’ve made regarding the placing of the song. Everyone was still hyped up from Frau & Mann, Knebel topped it. Starting out so calm and lovely, I really like the first half of the song. Beautiful lighting, they were so pretty in the blue light. Scream point hit, Lindemann hoaxed us into screaming MUND but made a break, Till shaking his head at us. Haha. Funny funny. Eh. I knew it was gonna happen, so it fell a bit flat for me personally, but okay I guess. Crowd went absolutely apeshit. So insane.

Home Sweet Home

Beautiful song, so heartfelt and a really good way to calm down after Frau & Mann and Knebel. Almost cried, ngl.

Cowboy

I. Fucking. Love. This. Song. Second time I looked at the screen and wow ngl, Till looked really good on the rodeo machine thing with his cowboy hat on lol. Also the song where Jonathan came over again and I made a heart with my hands and he smiled at me and :’)))

Golden Shower

Such a good song. My heart went big badum badum every time Peter shouted “Cunt” into the mic right in front of us, it felt like we were bonding just through shouting “Cunt” in unison lol. Also there was this part of them taking turns in raising their arms to the audience in time to the music, and I was laughing my ass off, because while Peter, Jonathan, and Sebastian all were perfectly in synch with the beat, Till always was a tad off and idk man, this shit was just so funny to me like c’mon Till, it’s not that hard.

Blut

Ah, yes. Like I said, we came prepared. We had our hoodies safely (and dryly) brought to the coatroom before the concert started so we were READY to get wet. The one thing I didn’t know though, the sprinkler system at the edge of the stage started right at the beginning of the song. I expected it to go off in like the middle of the song, or with the first chorus. So, sprinklers started, I saw the water coming. I thought “ah okay it’s just a little drizzle”, but boy, I was wrong. It felt like we were soaked after the second (and last) time we got sprayed. And actually? It was so nice. You know how concerts just make you all sweaty and drain your body from all water? I wouldn’t recommend trying to drink the water that was sprayed over us (it just had a weird smell to it, idk), but it was a welcome cooling, in that moment. Just imagine you feel like a little crop in the blazing sun, and then, finally, you get watered. Bye bye make up, but I just didn’t care lol. I don’t want to know what we looked like after that song. About the song itself; I didn’t mind the “interruption” at all, Blut is a decent song imo, but nothing more, so it didn’t bother me as much as the cake war during Allesfresser.

Platz Eins

Another top fav song for me. I’m not quite sure how to describe it, but Till and Peter climbing into that balloon thing and shuffling “out of reach” actually heightened my hype?? Like I could concentrate on really letting go during the song, screaming the lyrics out like there was no tomorrow. Also watching Jonathan and Sebastian’s little choreography was so entertaining. Jonathan being lifted up high also was something for the eye, at least for me :^) Also I remember the light show because it was gay. As in, so many vibrant rainbow colors. When Till and Peter returned to their starting point, Till climbed out, and Peter was holding his nose like Till just farted lol. The balloon started deflating and Peter mouthed an “OH NO” and when he climbed out, he made jazzy hands like “hell yeah guys I made it, I didn’t die in here”. Peter is a good man.

Praise Abort

Tbh, I don’t have many memories for this one. For me, one of Lindemann’s weaker songs, although it still slaps, don’t get me wrong. Just not one of my favorites. Only thing I remember is being happy about seeing the ballerinas from the mv on the screen in the background.

Fish On

Here we go again. After Praise Abort, I asked @haifisch-ohne-traenen​ if we wanted to change places, she looked at me like “You sure?” and I was like “Yeah, absolutely” – “You know which song comes next?” – “Oh. Nevermind lol”. I like Fish On, it’s my ringtone, but like with Allesfresser, the anticipation of the chances of getting hit by a fish kinda ruined the song for me. I couldn’t enjoy it as much. Also I was wondering why they needed so much time between Praise Abort and Fish On just to throw on this stupid raincoat. We successfully avoided all fish. A lot of them were thrown back on the stage by the audience, two of them hitting Till on the leg and arm, and one of them bowling down Till’s water bottles that stood in front of the drums. Also, when all fish were thrown, someone handed Till a last plate of fish pieces that he threw into the audience, but it slipped out of his hands and the plate went flying across the stage, shattering on a speaker and almost hitting the security guard that stood in front of us. I swear, that guard looked like he wanted to murder Till right at the spot lol (Also, this security guard was cute; he greeted us before the concert like “hi I’ll be your guardian for the next three hours”, he took pics of some people from the first row for them, and before the concert started, he got himself some gummy bears which he stuffed into his pocket to snack during the concert).

Ach So Gern

I was so mad about this?? But at the same time I was not?? So when they started Ach So Gern, they played the tango version and I was like !!! YES and I got all hyped up because I low-key hoped that, maybe, for valentine’s day, they’d switch the pain version for the tango version, but they didn’t. I guess if they HAD played the tango version though, I probably would’ve been mad I didn’t get to hear the pain version lol. The pain version definitely is more suited for a concert, I guess. And I still love it. Praise Peter. Seriously, he’s a god of music, just accept it.

Steh Auf

Incredible energy in the room when everyone’s screaming “Steh auf” on the top of their lungs. One of the most powerful songs live. Also Jonathan came over to us again and [insert heart eyes emoji].

Gummi

Okay, everyone slander me, but I really didn’t like this song as the finishing song. I don’t exactly love this song and I always skip it whenever I listen to F&M, so this was the only song I didn’t know the full lyrics to. It just doesn’t have either a specifically “deep” feeling to it, neither does it have the power I would expect from the last song of this kind of concert, if you get what I mean. For me, it was just missing this last, final BANG. Either that, or have a nice, calming song at the end, that will make people cry and think “fuck man, I don’t want this to end, but it’s been such a good concert”. Gummi just fell really flat for me as the final song. The happier I was when they put on an instrumental of Wer Weiß Das Schon, even if I was really hoping to see that one live and in full length, but you know, life isn’t a bowl of cherries. Also I certainly would have cried. Alas, I did almost cry when they took their bows and thanked us. Till’s voice was so soft and he sounded so sincerely humble and thankful. I don’t know whether it did have any impact on him or not, but he was born in this city, after all.

Till The End Teaser

So instead of showing the video of Till getting sucked off under the Rammstein stage (which I’m still not convinced is real, but that’s another story, I don’t want to delve into it) they put on the first like two minutes of Till The End. This is gonna sound super snobby and ungrateful, but I just turned away. Like I said, if I wanna watch porn, I’ll open pornhub. The two guys behind us, however, were standing there, eyes glued to the screen and their mouths were literally half open, no lie, it cracked me up so hard like really? Shit, it’s gotta be hard to be a person with a dick instead of a brain sometimes.

Bottom line.

Everything was worth it. The hours of waiting, the mediocre weather, driving to the venue by bike, the “fear” of getting hit by a cake or a fish. The concert was amazing, outstanding, mindblowing. I don’t want to compare it to my first row Rammstein experience, because they’re so vastly different bands, and I want to keep them separated. But man. This was probably the best valentine’s day of all time, by far.

[kurtbastian-land]

Hi! I'm currently on Kurtbastian fics binge read, so I was wondering if you could share your 10 favourites?

Wow, my top 10 favorites. That’s going to a tough one. I’m obviously going to skip the major well-known ones that this fandom knows - A Change In The Weather - cacophony, Don’t You Remember -  discordandrhythm and Glad You Came - daftydraw and JWMelmoth. With that being said, any other stories from that authors are bangers as well! But off to the actual list (in no particular order)

TOP 10 KURTBASTIAN FICS (MULTI-CHAPTERED, COMPLETED)

1. Europe Is Our Playground [Explicit] - GlassParade

Summary: Eight years and half the world away from home, a chance encounter in a Paris club leads Kurt and Sebastian - each running from the ghosts of their pasts - into the diversion of chasing each other across Europe.

2. A Shot In the Arm [Explicit] - somebetterwords

Summary: Kurt Hummel was a catch. Kurt was a catch, and Santana didn’t know what she was talking about. That’s what he’d tell himself until he believed it. But actually, talk was cheap. Kurt was going to go out and dangle himself at the gayest nightclub in the tri-county area and watch the men clamour to catch him. He wasn’t having a slutty meltdown or anything. His self esteem was not dependent on the attentions and opinions of strangers. He just needed an ego boost, one single night of his life for recalibration and encouragement from unbiased observers and also drinks. He just needed… a shot in the arm.(Though it wasn’t exactly a needle he was looking to stick in himself, and he didn’t want it going in his arm either.)

3. Live Without Shame / Call Me Anything You Want [Teen and Up Audiences] - Walden_pond313

Summary: Kurt is fed up with being heartbroken or disappointed when it comes to guys. Maybe it's time for some fun... / Sequel to Live Without Shame. Basically, season 2 if Kurt/Blaine never happened

4. Barista Confessions [Explicit] - TheFirstMrsHummel 

Summary: Unsure of his future following graduation, Kurt finds the status quo impossible to maintain. And when Sebastian Smythe comes crashing back into his life, it gets even more complicated. PLEASE NOTE NOT KLAINE/BLAINE FRIENDLY

5. The Boys of Summer [Mature] - MoreThanTonight

Summary: A camera. A jacket pin. A phone. Lemon balm leaves. A bottle cap. A box of condoms. A bottle of sleeping pills. On the last days of summer before college, Sebastian remembers the most eventful summer of his life and the items related to it. Kurtbastian.

6. Before You Met Me [General Audiences] - ellodoctor

Summary: When Kurt goes to Dalton to spy, he meets Sebastian Smythe who then points out lead singer Blaine Anderson, his latest “goal.” After Kurt runs into him again at sectionals (and actually meeting Blaine), he suddenly finds himself to be a fast and slightly coerced friend to them both. He’s thrown right into figuring out how much Sebastian cares about Blaine, how Blaine feels about Sebastian, confessing his bullying problems and dealing with Sebastian’s ego. And it actually seems to be worth it. But will that last?

7. give your heart (a break) [Mature] - drunkonwriting 

Summary: Post-TBU AU. Life moves on after heartbreak: Kurt knows that more than most. As he tries to put his life back together after Blaine, he finds an unexpected ally in his new coworker and Isabelle's nephew: Sebastian Smythe. As Kurt goes through his new life as a single man, he finds an unexpected depth to Sebastian and realizes that losing the first love of his life doesn't mean he'll never love again.

8. (Let’s give them) Something to talk - MemeKonGlee (MemeKonYA)

Summary: “I need you to—”“I heard you the first time,” Kurt interrupts, putting his fork and knife down on his plate and pushing his half-finished pancakes aside. “What I meant was: what the hell?”He points towards the neglected pancakes, trying to stall in the face of Kurt’s reaction.“Are you sure you don’t wanna finish that first?”The look in Kurt's eyes tells him in no uncertain terms that no, he doesn't want to finish his pancakes, Jesus.And so Sebastian has no option but to take a deep breath in, exhale slowly through his mouth and just… get on with it, internally cringing at how unbelievably ridiculous it all sounds when he puts it in words, all out there for the world (and more importantly, Kurt fucking Hummel) to judge. It all boils down to: I fucked up and I'm too proud to deal with it the mature way.

9. Twitch Verse [Teen and Up Audience] - sincerelyjessy*

*A series of oneshots that explores Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe’s relationship

10. Would You Hold It Against Me [Mature] - deliriumbubbles 

Summary: The Warblers discover that they and McKinley will be doing the same musical during the fall semester. After a spot of espionage against their rival school McKinley, new Warbler Sebastian finds himself fascinated by one of the young auditioners… and unintentionally becoming the Warblers’ nefarious leader.

TOP 10 KURTBASTIAN FICS (ONESHOTS)

1. The Daily Grind - orphan_account

Summary: Kurt Hummel is a bored barista, and Sebastian never gets off his phone.

2. The One with the Amusement Park [Teen and Up Audiences] - a_storm_of_frustration

Summary: “It was the only place I could think of where we could have 'fun’”, he grits his teeth.Snorting indelicately, Kurt rolls his eyes as he fixes the lapel of his sky blue pea coat. “And by 'fun’ you mean snark at each other and insult each other’s weak points until we feel like murdering the other? And whoever gets to do it first wins?”Sebastian immediately grins. And he had to bite down that grin the minute that he sees Kurt grinning at him. “Well, I did pick a public place. Full of people. Potential witnesses.”“There are rides that provide some sort of privacy. I’ll take the chance, however brief it is.”“There’s always the Tunnel of Love.”Kurt gives him a look. Sebastian bites his tongue so hard he could taste blood.--In which Sam thinks that his best friend and his boyfriend should get to know each other better and…Well, bond.

3. Weather With You [Teen Audience and Up] - chocoholicannanymous

Summary: Kurt Hummel might not exactly be the last person Wes expects to see at the club, but not far from. Who he's with, and what he's doing however... Yeah, that might the last thing he expects.This is a fic-of-a-fic, showing a scene from "A Change In the Weather" from another point of view.

4. The Truth About Sebastian Smythe [Mature] - DasWarSchonKaputt

Summary: Sebastian Smythe does what he wants. Fuck the world. Now, if only the world would quit fucking him back. AKA: Sebastian Smythe's therapy journal, ages 17 to 18.

5. Misery Loves Company [Teen and Up Audiences] - prettypurpleflower

Summary: Kurt and Sebastian keep getting ill and it messes everything up. Especially their feelings.

6. One Shots, Drabbles and Prompts (Oh My!) [General Audiences] - bastiankurts (orphan_accounts)

Summary: A collection of various pieces of written work for Kurtbastian that are either too short to upload individually or that I just felt worked better archived in this bundle. The majority of these have been shared on my own tumblr in the past and are labelled with their titles and the blurb they originally were given when first uploaded, and they include different scenarios for Kurt & Sebastian as well as a few familiar faces along for the ride!

7. Joysticks and Glitter [General Audiences] - supercanaries

Summary: Series of daddies!Kurtbastian drabbles and oneshots going through Kurt and Sebastian's path as parents and their choices that drove them towards this direction.

8. First Brick [Teen And Up Audiences] - supercanaries

Summary: It’s only when he has almost managed to suppress any thought about his boyfriend’s unusual silence that Sebastian speaks, his breath heavy and preceding a revelation Kurt has been aware of for a long while now."I’m gay."

9. Let Them Look [Not Rated] - AnarchyWretch

Summary: Sebastian observes his boyfriend in his element, surrounded by adoring NYADA boys. It's kind of an inflation to his ego, really.

10. The Textactive Stalker [Teen And Up Audiences] - Wednesday Thunder (wednesdaythunder)

Summary: Sebastian: Ever since he started getting text messages from an unknown number, it becomes evident with every new text that the other person knows exactly who he was. Yet, even the creepy stalker factor wasn't enough to stop Sebastian from forming a real connection with a friend he only knows by written words. Or does he? Kurt: Never the one to go down without a challenge, he anonymously starts texting to Sebastian Smythe, trying to find any weakness in his armour. But never was he prepared for the boy he got to know, or the feelings to grow stronger with each unopened message...

Honorable Mention (if you truly want a binge)

1. Lady Divine (fhartz91)

[epiphanyksj]

TELL ME ABT JK DURING UR CONCERT IN LA !!!!!! HE LOVES LA N U DIDNT TELL ME ABT IT IN DETAIL !!!!!!💞💕💖💓

oh god :(((( HHH!!!!!! ok im literally gonna go through this event by event. so I WALKED INTO THE ARENA with my friend to go find my seat and there’s a moment of silence before the beginning of danger’s mv begins playing. and up on the screen is jungkook playing outro: propose, that really pretty dramatic piano part. and let me tell you i literally burst into tears AT THAT MOMENT because it was just so overwhelming to realize that i was actually there and going to see them. and then there was the vcr and they all looked. So Good! i literally said “oh my god” so many times during the concert it was unreal i mean ive told you about this but yeah on to actual performances (read more)

so all this fire starts torching into the air and the stage lights are flashing everywhere with this dramatic music with heavy drums (think mama 2016 fire-esque). ok so im rewatching the vid i took as i write this and im laughing because everyone else is like “TRAADE OFF” and from me you just hear this hysterical “CHOO CHOO” OK thats not the point. i could barely focus in the first performance because i could not believe they were real but like he’s GORGEOUS they were all so gorgeous n i wanna gush about the others too but this is a jk ask. he is So Stable and powerful i dont know how he even does it. so after they finish performing they begin their ments…. when it goes to jk he kinda looks up like “:o its my turn” but then he goes “WASSUP” and he’s so sos ofuckginfg pretty he glows and his eyes and just his face at that point i screamed “I LOVE YOU… (weakly) jungoo….” and then he also said LONG TIME NO SEE he has the cutest voice :(.

when he starts singing in save me… his voice is so beautiful. and i already said it but his dancing is so powerful. n the way he looks at the camera… you feel it in your soul. and his voice is so good in im fine!!!!!! i was not, in fact, fine. the part where he falls to the floor then suddenly looks up is so intense.

but incredibly he looks absolutely ethereal when he stands and sings. this might sound weird but like…. the way his eyes are half closed is so pretty and he looks at peace. even more so when he closes his eyes all the way. ive said it so many times but his eyes literally are so captivating. all of bts look unbelievably good in person. also there’s supposed to be a fanchant In Magic Shop During The Instrumental Break But Nobody Did It but i faithfully went through all the way anyway.

n then. THE GOLDEN DUO VCR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre so cuuuteekjsdhdskjfh :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( like it was just such a happy pure colorful lighthearted vcr!!!!!

ok not to be cheesy but i literally got goosebumps and started tearing up when i heard his voice say “euphoria” in the silence. the pretty guitars start coming in and he’s revealed on the stage. he looks so at home when he sings it and there’s golden light all around him and he’s smiling. but when it’s not the chorus the lights are a blue color and it reminds me of the ocean in the music video. he really puts so much into his singing and just his overall performance. and when he does the high note in euphoria and the golden confetti explodes into the air and shimmers in the lights.

he puts his hand to chest often when he sings like he’s feeling it in his soul. but he also jams out really cutely! he jumped around during run a lot (and yet is ridiculously stable still) and his hair is bouncy! he headbanged a little too :( at the end of run during hoseok’s part he took out his earpiece to listen to us. his part in dna with tae is so iconic!!! rapper jk!!!!!!!!! literally even just the way he sings “DNA”!!!!

he asked us if we were having fun!!!! babie :( (side note tae is SOO cute when he talks in english). also the army bomb ocean was so pretty it was a range of colors from yellow green to purple and it was this amazing gradient.

then. Then. 21st century girls. Came On. but i need to save this gushing about the song itself for the next ask. all of them gather together to jam out in the center of the stage! afterwards jk wanders around! YOU SAY YES OR NO YES OR NO WOOAAAHOHHH

this goes for everyone else too but when he sings in gogo its like the words are just rolling out of his mouth if that makes sense.

but the transition to bst. unreal but im also saving that for the next ask. god and i keep talking about jk’s dancing but seriously him and the entirety of dance line are a serious force to be reckoned with. his voice when he sings his parts is so light and fluttery.

you shouldve heard me during his rap part of boy in luv. i was like “APPAAAAAAA” “EOMMAAAAAA” “PYEONJIIII” “MWONJIII” like i think those technically aren’t his lines but that whole section. and they cut straight to the bridge instead of doing the second verse and jk’s voice there especially combined with jimin and jin. and he holds the high note!!!!!!!

but his rap part in danger. hard fucking core. he’s so talented it’s unbelievable. this man does not hesitate when it comes to bangers or when it comes to headbanging.

airplane pt2. he saunters onto the stage like nobody’s business and sits and kicks back on that damn chair with his sultry ass voice. his falsetto is gorgeous when they do that part before hoseok’s airplane rap and at the end of the song. and i know it’s only part of the studio recording but when he does the “ah ah” part i lose my mind. the way he sits with the other members surrounding him just emanates this air of power and regality but almost in a casual way like “yeah we’re royalty, what about it?”

his outfit during fake love is perfect. all of the outfits are so good i could gush about them all day but alas this is a jk ask. his sleeves are see-through and he has shiny chains going across his chest harness and i’m sure you could find pictures of it but i hadn’t looked at concert pics beforehand so i was in shock at how good the outfits were. it’s like some performing beast is unleashed from jungkook during fake love. he’s absolutely in the zone and i couldn’t take my eyes off him because his presence is so strong especially when he’s in the center. it’s like he moves his body and projects his voice perfectly to the flow and energy of the song. fake love as a whole is so captivatingly intense it’s like you’re under a spell when you watch them perform it.

ok im burning out i can only write so much DSKJHSDF but the truth untold. it’s like he transforms into full angel form at this point. his voice is incredible and his harmonies and pitch and the emotion he puts into it. also everybody say thank you stylists!

he also has such an aura during mic drop. everybody does but it seriously is honestly such a great track live because the energy is dominating and in that moment you really know that they absolutely do own the whole arena and set the stage on fire. ugh! and the strength that he has during the dance break at the end of mic drop!! unreal!

also i can’t imagine genuinely truly hating so what. like i see so many people saying they hate it but you know that when you hear it irl that shit makes you JUMP and they have so much fun on stage especially jk! we like to make fun of him for his shoot dance but seeing him go across the stage enjoying himself so much makes you feel just as much joy as him :( at this point would it really be a performance of so what if he didn’t do it?

at this point i knew that so what was one of the final performances n i was like. What. because it really passed by like a blur it didn’t feel nearly as long as it supposedly took and before i knew it they were performing anpanman so i HAD to cheer up because that song is so cute. and jk is all smiley when they perform it! nose scrunches and all! he actually gets up in a normal way during namjoon’s part. his eyes are all big and sparkly and playful and it feels very boyish!!!

N THEN DURING THE ENDING MENT JOON CALLED JUNGKOOK “MISTER COOL GUY JK” AND JK WAS LIKE “cool guy!” n then like “make some nooooiiiise!!!” n he was smiling doing his cute scrunch and rewatching this like. ive said it 50 times already but he’s seriously so pretty. his eyes are lit up and his expression is bright and there’s a blue light shining on him but his EYESSSSS :((((( he has a slight accent which is rly cute but his pronunciation is also really good and it feels like you just want to hug him really tight even though he’s sweaty but like Would I Complain.

his voice in answer: love myself is so smooth it’s like sitting in a warm patch of sun with a cool breeze looking up at the sky. ok i know i said i was burning out but am i really. rewatching the videos makes me so happy. and his harmonies were so nice. and he was moving side to side really cutely! like one of those figurines you put on the dashboard of your car and they dance side to side! n he’s so full of love. they were all moving their arms side to side and the army bombs were moving along with them i want to cry watching it again it’s so weird thinking that i was actually there it felt like everyone in the audience became one with all the members on stage jk was acting cute and he and all the members were waving to everyone in the audience in the pit and the further away and upper levels of the arena.

for a really long time i’ve never been able to pinpoint the happiest moment or memory of my life everytime ive been asked about it. for lack of a better answer i always left it vague but ever since the concert i can easily say it was the happiest i’d been in a long time and possibly ever and i wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything else in the world

[not-onlyedmlyrics]

I checked “watch Garrix Show” on my bucket list, and it directly goes to the same bucket list under note “must see again” or “repeat-worthy experience”

So far I saw live performance of Michael Bublé, David Foster, Sting and Chris Botti, The 1975, Coldplay and OneRepublic. I’m grateful I got to see them all, but if opportunity arises, I have to rethink , “do I want to spend money to watch them again?”

But Martin Garrix? Boy of boy, all those energy, it’s addicting!! I went to Grand Opening Weekend of Omnia Bali. I expected to see a 7 or 8 rated show of Martin Garrix, and I got a solid 12! I prepared myself for 1 hour show and Martin gave me 2 hours full of heart thumping beats, loud bangers. He just kept hitting, invading my ears! It was bonkers!!

When the ID began, I feel like I’m gonna weep, “I’m finally here! I got to see, listen, and soak in Garrix show for real!” Then instantly I got sucked into the beat of Byte and got push further as the tunes rolling.

I wrote a note and the set list (as best as I could) during the show. But 1 hour in, I got too carried away with jumping and dancing and singing, I accidentally deleted my note 😣 So here’s the performed song list in the first hour as I remembered (not in sequence).

Opening ID

Byte. Byte is a perfect choice to open after ID. It’s like saying, “I don’t want to warm you up, I just hit it straight to the heart.”

So Far Away + remix. #tearjerker

There for You. I got a confession, when the song was released, it’s not my favorite song of MG (I say 'not favorite', but I meant I still know the words by heart but didn’t listen to it obsessively). Then when I prepared to go to this show, it resurfaced and I was hyped when Martin played it. Sing along like nobody’s business. There’s one girl looked at me happily, like “This is awesome! I’m great you’re here! Let’s sing along together!” Then together we sang, definitely out of tune, happily yelling the words.

Scared to Be Lonely + Brooks remix. Standard festival do. I got another confession. The only remix that I know by heart is STBL by Brooks. I still have no idea whose remix that Martin brought to stage for So Far Away and There for You (if you know, please tell me!) I like to see a Brooks show. In that evening alone, I listened Dusk till Dawn Brooks remix, Byte, STBL Brooks remix and Boomerang. I felt like I need closure to him 😘

Together. Standard do. I like the simplicity of it. It’s fundamentally a great song, so you don’t have to take it over the top to enjoy it.

WIEE — mashed up with Runaway (U & I) of Galantis (or was it Runaway mashed up with WIEE?). Standard do. I love it when I first listen to it (I think it was Ultra somewhere last year), still loving it until now.

Forever. This was unbelievably epic. Forever is a really good song, but I doubted it would fit on festival. Man, it’s a nice pleasure to be proven wrong. It mind blowing-ly fit. I think it’s also due to the sequence and bridges from previous and upcoming song, so it explodes well. Don’t ask me what the songs are! I lost my note x_x

Lions in the Wild. It is seriously wild. It’s one of the old song that can unite longtime fans and gather the new ones

The Only Way is Up

Break through the silence

Forbidden voices

Gold Skies

Tremor

Spotless

Animals

Game Over. Martin is not perfect, but he’s not ashamed to admit when he made mistake. He pushed wrong button in the mid of Game Over. It went off, and professionally smooth things over to similar tune. Then he said “sorry I fucked up”. He’s so humble, I just want to give him a friendly bear hug.

Like I Do

Turn Up the Speaker

Harder Better Faster Stronger — Daft Punk

Virus. This is where the best fan experience happened to me. I came to the show by myself. I stood in between a boy and a girl from two different groups. The girl was “actively sharing on her social media”. The boy was being goofy with his group of friends. When Virus came up, three of us started yelling “When every hour could be the last, why would we wait, why would we wait” and then we looked at each other excitedly, then suddenly we’re in group hug, singing and jumping. I never experience that in other music show I went to. It felt awesome. Considering Virus is an older song, so the ones who knows it well must be a good fan of MG. That what’s make it more amazing.

Sun is never going down. Our lyrically brilliant group stayed through the next song, “cause I’m rising higher than I’ve been before. I’m ready, ready, crying out for more!”

Don’t Look Down

Boomerang

Can’t Feel My Face — The Weeknd

How Deep is Your Love — Calvin Harris and Disciples

Snakecharmer — Blinders

Make Up Your Mind. This song is my least favorite from Seven. But the way Martin put it after Snakecharmer was really cool. I’m surprised that I could enjoyed it.

Pizza. At first, I thought something was not going well. It didn’t sound flawless, felt a bit flat. But then Martin mashed it with You’ve Got the Love by Florence+TM. It was a splendid!

Feels So Close —Calvin Harris; Remix ID Garrix-Mylo. Standard do. PS: I can’t get the guitar intro out of my head!

In the name of love + Dallas K remix. Standard do. Ibrclude the fireworks, which is cool.

Symphony — Clean Bandit, Zara Larsson

Waiting For Love — Avicii. Martin put this directly after So Far Away. He was so mean. Too much emotion in the span of 5 mins. I can feel my heart torn into pieces.

Never Be Like You — Flume

Firestone — Kygo

One More Time — Daft Punk

No “Hold On & Believe” and no AREA21 materials! Which is quite shocking, not in a good way. But it’s not a big offence. There are definitely songs (original or remix) that I missed to put here because I forgot, didn’t know or can’t place the title. There are also lots of new tunes, new beats, and new drops, that I know they might never be officially released as songs (when I say new, I mean I never heard it before in the video of any festivals/shows before. It might not be new, but I just got aware of it). It’s crazily good! Were I listen to it on my laptop, I'd be shocked, mouth open in a sense of “I can’t believe, this is awesome!”, and keep replaying them. He is really prolific. He worked hard.

Now into the serious question. I stood quite near to the stage, so I don’t know whether it is interference since I was near the source or it is actually different, but I heard different voices of Dua Lipa, Troye Sivan, Romy Dya, Bebe Rexha. “Like I Do”, “Waiting for Love” and Jamie Scott voice were sounded the same (or at least similar) to the original song. Maybe they’re the same voices but he modulated them? If it’s true, I’d like to ask the reason. Is it because label issue? Or is it just for fun?

All in all, I immensely enjoy my first #GarrixShow. Here’s hoping for more to show to come!

[mc-slowwalker]

currently watching punz’s mcc vod and have not gotten an ad so far so there is that

ikr??!? like their system is just so bad. I love learning, I love knowledge and knowing stuff but gosh. also half my lecturers are just not good. like all they do is read off the slides like I can do that myself :/ :(

oh god know I could never be an updates account. I don’t even know how they get half their information like how does one figure out that dream commented on some random tik tok??? I meant that I’ve been a person that has seen a tweet feom an updates account that dream is on some stream and gone to that stream. yeah I never know what’s going on cause I never have the energy to catch up with stuff I’ve missed but also I have this like need to know everything so I just have like half the information. I don’t even know how dts work on twt. like sometimes they tell people to off themselves in qrts/replies or like dm them probably too, which is so, so shitty. but yeah it’s kinda laughable how they have to censor all the words. but yeah no dts are not cool in the slightest. I’ve never gotten any of that because for the most part I have a very limited online presence and like I wouldn’t get to worried by it or anything but it’s such a shitty thing to do. god the kaveytfon thing was so ughh. and all I saw of it was clips and summary threads. yeah I get that. it’s a bit annoying cause some of my irls are gamer nerds that dislike dream cause “he cheated,” “he scripts manhunts,” “he’s bad at the game,” “he encourages his toxic stans,” and some other “anti” arguments. but what can you do. like I was just talking about minecraft once and one of them was like “oh but he so cheated” like yeah dude we’re well past that now these days we’re shitting on dream for making questionable sounds on a discord podcast /j. yeah like 100% I know dream can handle it and his friends will back him if needed I just feel really sad for him sometimes. maybe it’s just me cause I sometimes have annoyingly emotional reactions to things unnecessarily. bbh popped off with that one tweet on main.

nah we just say uni here and I didn’t know if you also said uni in america or just college. ohhh I see. we just say uni here. ohh that makes sense. and that’s pretty handy! here the only subjects I’m required to do are any that could be a possible prereqs for any major that I may choose to do. a friend of mine who is now going to college in america is doing spanish too! haha yeah my english language teacher once said something about it like two years ago and it’s never left my head ever since.

brooo no,, beets are good!! well not always but I like them in one specific sandwich that I used to have for lunch in school when I was in yr10. but they’re definitely a great plot point. ughhh I 100% agree with the silly lore stuff. it’s so fun and I love it but all the fandom does is whine. like first they’re like “oh I miss silly lore” and then they’ll get silly lore and be like oh not like that. I will never forgive people for writing of l’sandburg. I was asleep for most of it but it was still great. so true!! that was jack manifold right? smartness man ever. everything that ever happens on the dream smp is canon, there is not “semi lore” or “just a bit.” I add the “bit” argument because I’ve seen it used to excuse some c!actions recently. lmaoo yeha like I enjoy high production lore especially if they’re passionate about it but there’s just something about silly minecraft roleplay that I love. like when I first joined the fandom, it was through animatics and then watching the actual streams was so different but in a good way

no we haven’t!! it’s on the list of stuff we still don’t know about. glad to know you agree that enderwalk and c!dream and best friends. idk much about ballsmp but it looks fun and 3rd like looks cool tok like I’ve seen artwork and it interests me. and I really wanna get into hermit craft. if I do with any of them it’ll probably be hermitcraft. wait I do not know about that but that’s absolutely hilarious. I may just not remember cause I feel like I do know about it but my memory is unbelievably shoddy.

oh hahahaa I was asleep for that bit but I heard about it lol. ahahahah george and sapnap just there after dream just leaves is so funny. never fails to make me laugh/not laugh when dream just leaves that quickly. dreams been on a roll since like mcc like he’s done so much. liek today he was even on bads stream playing gartic phone !! I missed it live cause I was busy but imma watch the vod now!

alright I’ve just gotten through like the half of punz’s mcc vod that I had left and not a single ad so woooo for that!

Yooo pay to win actually wins!

Lectures are a bitch I keep falling asleep in them!! Which is bad because I always decide to try and sit up front to show dominance but I keep falling asleep

Oooh sorry I thought you meant that you ran one. Yeah no how tf to they do it??? Everything ccs do seems so fucking random??? Also my brother hates dream not because he cheated but because his fan base is bad? The only fan base you know ya little shit is me step up fucker. I am emotionally attached to dream so I understand

Calling it university isn’t super common here and I don’t think most americans even know the difference. Honesty it’s more about what the school calls itself, so like theres Harvard University & Bowdoin College but you mainly refer to them by their names anyways.

No all beets are bad and I will take 0 criticism on this they’re bad in real life and they’re bad in minecraft!!! Did I forget to add that jack manifold said that I was pretty tired when I wrote it and kinda gave up my b akjdkd. Animatics are banger but they’re just 3 times more banger when they have to be taken out of context. I just started watching 3rd life from grian’s pov and I’m enjoying it so much! The idea is super interesting also big fan of any game that has proximety chat

I miss the garlic phone thing! I had a busy day but I wanna watch it after jack & scott ylyl

[outofthewoods]

REPUTATION - ALBUM REVIEW

alright girlies here it is my first impressions (whatever I wrote down after the SS plus a few notes I made when it dropped) I AM LITERALLY....QUITE LITERALLY SHAKING....MY WIG: IS ON MARS 

READY FOR IT: At first I was kind of like…. :/ about this song but it’s actually a really good opener and a banger. Not sure I would’ve picked it as the second single but it goes all the way off. The bass has me shook Line: “he can be jailor burton to this taylor”

END GAME Very…..the weeknd vibes right ladies ?????????? this is like…..taylor’s Instagram baddie moment It is still SO WEIRD To me to hear rapping and Taylor swift in one song. Even tho we have the bad blood remix Im still….shook by Future and Taylor together ??????????? I really like this, it’s not one of my top 5 I don’t think but it’s so different from what I would've thought of for another ed/taylor collab Ed is giving me some don’t vibes..i’m into it…ed talking about the fourth of July is really iconic. Taylor telling the story of how this came about was really iconic too…I can literally picture her and ed getting drunk and being like HOWWWW COOL WOULD IT BE TO COLLAB WITH FUTURE????? LOL and then it actually happening I love her like. talk/shout/singing when she says “big reputation…” Line: “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me” Her runs in the last chorus THANK GOD…..I NEEDED THESE VOCALS…..

I DID SOMETHING BAD THIS SONG HAD ME FUCKING QUAKING IN THE SESSION…… “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing” THE CHORUS BANGS…..IM LITERALLY……MOUTH OPEN SHOCKED I CANT BELIEVE THIS….THE M.I.A. PAPER PLANES MACHINE GUN SOUNDS…. This is so……blank space but……..fucking darker you SINNERS “If he drops my name I owe him nothing, if he spends my change then he had it coming…” The chorus is here again Im bopping so fucking HARD WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW I’M……….CRYING AT THE VOCALIZATIONS OF THE HOOK. I’m pretty sure she said this came to her the same way she came up with “STAY!” in AYHTDWS The bridge ladies LIGHT ME UP!!! GO AHEAD AND LIGHT ME UP YOU FUCKING HEATHENS!!!! THIS SONG MAKES THE WHOLE ALBUM WORTHY OF A GRAMMY Im literally shaking like my skin is quivering….that 2000’s fade out……Please kill me

DON’T BLAME ME This is the hozier…take me to church….taylor swift version The chords are her vocals and that. Is revolutionary, Einstein found dead in Miami Line: “I would fall from grace just to touch your face, if you walk away I’d beg you on my knees to stay” The like…..wopping of the chorus is really just…..gold Her falsetto at the end of the second verse. Wig on mars This is the stoner Taylor swift song we didn't know we needed but are so thankful we have VOCALS IN THE LAST CHORUS….I NEEDED SOME RUNS AND THE PRERELEASES DIDNT GIVE THEM TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SAVING HER DESTRUCTION OF EVERY OTHER PERSONS VOCALS FOR THE ALBUM

DELICATE This is very Imogen heap to me…… like the layered robotic vocals. It’s very interesting…..a really good segue from DBM It’s got like a deep house….tropical feel to it that I am really enjoying girlies “my reputation’s never been worse, so he must like me for me” why does that line have me crying Taylor swift you are literally sunshine THIS IS THE CHORUS I REMEMBERED….the is it cool is it chill etc…….that’s what I thought CIWYW was after the SS for some reason ???? “do the girls back home touch you do like I do?” SECOND VERSE LYRICS Got me feeling some wildest dreams type of way she looked at me so much during this song I’m emotional, I was bopping to the chorus and she was laughing at me and winking when the beat comes in during the chorus Not a standout from the album but very cool very different good vibes man

LWYMMD Obviously a bop. I see why it’s in the middle of the album and when Taylor explained the progression of the songs this really makes a lot of sense. I’m just feeling fragile bc Taylor swift grabbed me by my cheeks, pulled me towards her, grabbed my hands, and danced with me during this song. Wow BABY I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS!!! We literally screamed this in each other’s faces it was so……amazing I will NEVER FORGET The video…..do we even need to remind ourselves of how fucking iconic it was When I first heard this I was so confused I had just woken up in Ireland at 6am to listen and I was like . What is this But the chorus goes all the way off tbh This is like a parallel to shake it off….the themes and messages of……being yourself and rising above what other ppl think of you…..

SO IT GOES… Ok I literally blanked this song from my memory at the session, I think bc it was right after LWYMMD and me and Taylor having our first proper moment of the night “Back against the wall….tripping when you’re gone…” This album is so bass heavy. I’m loving the studio instruments, I thought I would miss the live guitars etc but I really don’t because it doesn’t fit with the album “I’m so chill but you make me jealous” Sis we have learned from 10 years of music from you that you aren't chill al;ksdfnjksdhifbknsdfdkjf I love you mom I love the way she says so it goes! In the chorus “You know I’m not a bad girl….but I do bad things with you…” WHOMST “SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW…. Taylor you've done several numbers on me I stopped counting 8 years ago the whispered 1..2….3……WOW VOCALS….AGAIN……….SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHES REALLY WILDIN OUT HUH

GORGEOUS This is such a cute song. For me it seems like one of the ones I like less, but at the session I remember being so happy listening to it because she pointed me out and called me by name when she was passing out the new merchandise….so I was chillin Also she kept winking at me during the DINGS!

GETAWAY CAR Queen of whisper singing I wanted to leave him….I needed a reason SUDDENLY I WILL ONLY EVER DRINK OLD FASHIONEDS. IVE NEVER HEARD OF ANY OTHER DRINK Okay in my mind I was like this song is :/ but it bangs to be honest! I love the chorus Should've known Id be the first to leave….this song is full of tea ladies This song to me seems like it’s about a rebound relationship that wasn’t so serious/was just a way to release pent up emotions from something awful “X marks the spot….where we fell apart…..” the pre chorus is really out here doing that sweeties The bridge has an interesting modulation that i don't know how to feel about….this whole album is like full of surprises/polarizing musical techniques so this is cool This is Taylor Swift fleshing out a metaphor/concept masterpiece to her full ability. Queen of literature who is Shakespeare I’ve never heard of him Said goodbye….in a getaway car……. The ends of the songs are so interesting on rep…….this one goes off

KING OF MY HEART “I’m better off being alone…” Miss Taylor I’m so glad that you’ve stopped thinking this because you are really….the most WORTHY person of love in the whole wide world… This is probably my least favorite song on the album. It has some remnants of getaway car in it I feel……she’s cute but getaway car is sexy and sexy destroys cute It’s a little repetitive but I appreciate it’s placement on the album………..you move to me like a Motown beat…..alright Miss king of my heart redeeming herself My broken bones are mending……….taylor I love u………why are u drinking beer when u could be having an old fashioned tho…..beer is gross

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED Thank you piano I love a live instrument The story behind this song is so heartbreaking and knowing that makes….the song so much more impactful to me “You had turned my bed into a secret oasis, people started talking putting us through our paces” here’s a big fat FUCK YOU to the daily mail Again the chorus comes in and is so….huge and sprawling compared to the rest of the song…..shaking us to our very cores! I love that you can hear the frantic/anxiety she was feeling throughout the song….like the rushed vocals and drawn out lower notes…..then the chorus just coming in with GLORY I LOVE the instrumental of the chorus so much…..it’s so beautiful and a little 1989 to me. Like very eighties synth heavy We also have some VOCALS! In the bridge and last chorus! the runs are giving me life

DRESS This song is like a …… I’m kind of drunk in the meatpacking district running from bar to bar with someone I love in the cold with big coats on….tea to me The falsetto. Queen Taylor has really been expanding her vocal register and I’m FUCKING here for it “Everybody thinks they know us” circling back to the overall theme of the album. We know what she chooses to let us know and beyond that we’re just fucking guessing sinners This song is like a …… I don't really care what they think of us I just wanna really…………see your dick and I don't care what anyone thinks of that ! THE HAIR BLEACHED LINE……SHE IS LITERALLY THE QUEEN OF SELF DRAGS I CANT SHES SO SELF AWARE ITS UNBELIEVABLE…….she’s like being humorous but also referencing a time in her life that was really shitty for her so. Queen of duplicity “I woke up just in time…” this line says so much about where she was when she started seeing Joe

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS Oh girlies…..I have been so excited to hear this again since the session. She spilled some major fucking SCALDING tea before playing this so my ass was fully ready to be sloughed The alarms in the beginning…..a champagne sea…..my dream…… This is so fucking tongue in cheek about what everyone said about her #squad “I have to take them away” DEAD this is why she stopped having 4th of July parties klsadjidfnksdfd “Stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand….” Oh no…………WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MISS TAYLOR!!!!!!! “I took an axe to a mended fence….” The mhhhhhmmmmmm………. IF ONLY YOU WERENT SO SHADY SALKJFSDNKFJGM,DFLKNJGIDK WHY IS THIS SONG ABOUT ME SITTING ON TWITTER DRAGGING PEOPLE LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER Hard knock life………..TEA……during the fucking BANGER of a chorus….this is going to be so fun on tour…..SHE BETTER BE A SINGLE!!!!! hE sAiD shE saID!!!!! Here’s to mama…….yes miss Andrea here’s to u queen of the world THE BRIDGE…..SDFLSDMFJKNDNDSLJFKNFDJDSFNSD THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE!!!!! NICE!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant even SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE Heres to my REAL FRIENDS! WOW….just wow ladies this is the future liberals want

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT In my personal onion this is the most vulnerable song on the album. The first verse really has me out here crying in the club The chorus is so cute, this is a low-key banger and I wanna see her flying across the crowd during this song on tour

NEW YEARS DAY So here it is girlies….the most hyped song on the record…… Live piano. Minimal production. The concept behind this is so adorable “Candlewax and polaroids on the hard wood floor….” the most Taylor swift thing I have ever heard This relationship really seems like its forever my dudes she’s in it for the long run. She has never been so confident in a relationship that she’s CURRENTLY IN. She’s opening up DURING a relationship which is like……basically unheard of for her I love how subtle this is….the harmonies on the second chorus….crying in the club again “Hold on to the memories they will hold onto you…..” she said she's had that line ready to go for a while but couldn't find a place for it and here it is being adorable and wonderful also the line “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I can recognize anywhere” Can I just speak on that line again….it is so beautiful and simple and shows how much she’s been through and the pain she has dealt with….and the sadness she KNOWS………..but she’s okay enough to talk about it. Im crying in the club 3.0

INITIAL RANKING: I Did Something Bad Don’t Blame Me Call It What You Want Dress Delicate Dancing With Our Hands Tied This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Look What You Made Me Do Getaway Car …Ready For It? End Game New Year’s Day Gorgeous So It Goes King of my Heart

[sneakyhomunculous]

RPT Phoenix Report: Back to Back!

Part 1: Preparation 

“How should I begin this? I’m just so offended; how am I even mentioned by all these fucking beginners?” 

Let’s back up a bit. 

I’m coming into this half season fresh off a 5th place finish in the last MC, which means I’m qualified for RPT1/2 and PTFinal 1. 

From what I could make of the shoddy convoluted details at the beginning of this year; I believed I had a serious upper hand in the Rivals race. 

Only 4 tournaments count. The 3 I am qualified for and the 2nd PT final which I’ll have multiple chances to que for as well. 

Almost everyone else has at most 1 RPT Q and a pipe dream. 

With this info, I decide I am going to go for it. I know I am still an underdog, but I believe I am one of the few people in the world in this spot to somewhat reasonably set this goal of top 12 paper rivals for myself. 

At the same time, the world we live in is an Arena dominated one. 

I hate it of course. 

Like most of you reading this; I play the game for mostly 1 big reason [the fierce competition]. Arena is severely lacking in this department.

Only standard, a mindless ladder with the only reward being a single lottery ticket into a ~15k USD 0.5% equity drawing. (that requires you to play standard for 8 hours on a saturday there will assuredly be a GP you want to play.) 

A petty, infuriating chore. 

Bc standard is so chalked and flooded with players anyway; You are forced to play casual [but ranked] drafts against the bots.  

Slamming BO1 games with 15 land decks until your eyes bleed and the mythic achievement is reached! 

Then you close the unbearable program down not to be touched again until the next time this chore is required; or the lottery drawing is happening.

Nice system! 

All that being said, I’m still not going to handicap myself, and so I decide I will go for Arena as well. 

Unfortunately I have no early advantage there, and the spots are obviously unbelievably high variance. 

There are only 2 Invys and 2 Mythic point challenges, and if you miss the first invy you are almost drawing dead at a 1-12 spot. Especially with special invites and re-ques for top finishers all factored in. 

So far I am failing on the Arena front. 

I was too attached to my beautiful Urza Oko deck (I didn’t prepare enough for the first MCQW I would be double queing along side the modern GP in Austin. It cost me as I woke up and played poorly to a swift 2-2 exit with Jetski Fires before heading over to the GP) 

I lost a win and in and got 17th there. Never have I played a tournament with a bigger edge over all non mirrors in the field! Unfortunately I played 7 mirrors and managed a lowly 4-2-1 in them. 

I can’t make it through these gauntlets on autopilot anymore. 

I’m only 27, but my seemingly rapid reduction in processing speed has made me feel like I’m somehow getting too old for this grind.  

The way I have dealt with it? 

Accepting it. 

As much as I hate to admit it; I am not the same 17 year old wunderkind anymore and the young guns have a big edge on me. 

I have to take all the necessary steps to take care of myself and do everything in my power to make sure when I’m in the trenches; inside the matches in the important tournaments; I can be as focused on the games as possible. This is just so I can make the playing field close to level. 

Otherwise I am going to be reading cards, and playing slow unconfident magic. 

This is a big one; I believe. 

I think one thing a lot of players are lacking in pushing themselves to higher levels is the confidence in their decisions. I used to struggle with this a lot (still do sometimes) and I would constantly second guess things multiple times every turn. 

Over time, I’ve learned that if you put in the work... 

You practice; 

Play actual games and learn the interactions; 

You can really lean on your instincts and exude confidence in yourself that goes a long way in winning matches of Magic the Gathering. 

(Look at almost all of the best players. They are confident in their decisions in the games, even when they end up making mistakes.) 

But enough with the nonsense; let’s get to the tournament prep so we can blaze through that boring shit and get to the sweet 16 PT rounds 

(spoilers: there may be more than 16) 

Collin Rountree is torn between testing with Me Ty Will and the Houston Slack, and testing with team 5% captained by Allen “The Process” Wu. 

Of course the choice is obvious, but Collin doesn’t want to leave all the local bangers in the dust. 

He lobbies on our behalf, and Me Ty Will and Eddie all join team 5%. 

I am not a stranger to large testing teams. 

I spent four PTs testing with team TCG/SCG and we averaged around 15 people. The difference was that we always met up in person a week or more ahead of time for an intense testing period, and also I guess we had more dueling personalities.

Shoutout to everyone on those squads those were great times. 

But when you have Steve Rubin Seth Manfield Corey Burkhart Andrea Mengucii mixed with Brad BBD Martell Kibler mixed with Me Fennell GerryT Josh Cho mixed with Ari Lax trying to organize everything for everyone..... 

Anyone who knows these people can see how this led to some logistics issues and some heated arguments about who is not pulling their weight, or who is just showing up late and mooching, or who keeps brewing decks with no mana bases and sideboards and bringing them to Brad telling them they are great and we have to play games with them (another shoutout to Fennell, hope he reads this and fires up a modo draft tonight. And shoutout to Brad for creating the no 75, no games rule. You can’t fucking say you made a deck if you don’t have a manabase or a sideboard, and some brewers out there may need to hear that again.) 

Team 5% (7.1673746%) is all online testing. 

We use a discord with dedicated channels to all the constructed decks, all the limited topics, logistics, and chalkdiesel/washed bad beat/rant rooms/RIP Rimrock Knight etc. etc. so you can see how it stays pretty clean, organized, and simple. 

But no really, having so many people gives us an edge on many fronts. 

There is usually always someone available to battle. We can cover a lot of ground really quickly. Multiple people are brewing and many people are tuning the known decks. Lots of different opinions and we end up covering all the limited archetypes quickly as the drafts pile in. 

All of this being said, my best two PT results from the past are when I worked alone. 

I usually draft infinite (75-100) times (when I lose I drop and draft again. And sometimes I drop when winning just to draft again) and I just try to play the best deck in constructed. 

This I have learned is a recipe for success for me. 

But I was happy to join this team. My intention was to just do the same thing, but have some people to talk to while I drafted 75-100 times and tuned the best deck. 

I worked with a few of these players back in the TCG days (shoutout to Ari and Corey, and again to Corey for winning the PT let’s gooooooo) and everyone that I heard was currently on this 5% team; I liked. 

So for my testing I did almost purely magic online. 

I did around 60 drafts after all was said and done. In constructed, I played a ton of UW control and small amounts of all the other stock decks, and watched a lot of streams. 

I wanted to be familiar with the format but not go too hard until the days leading up to; during; and right after the first 2 RPTs. 

What a weird dynamic, having 2 pro tours 5 days before deck submission for your pro tour. 

It really worked out in our favor because our team is so big and we were able to quickly attack the new and perceived future metagame. 

Nothing at those two tournaments made me waiver from wanting to register UW control. 

I was still beating everything, and I predicted the metagame would be 20%ish UB invertor and then spirits, red, black, and sultai delerium/invertor uro decks would be all around 10%. 

When I say I was beating everything, I was beating everything. 

Granted these were in leagues, but it was mostly all against real decks and my constructed rating was skyrocketing above my limited. 

Not a thing I am accustomed to. 

I had a 17-1 record against mono red, and no cap. I had a 12-2 record against mono black. I had a 8-1 record against UB invertor. 

I crushed Collin so badly with our teams current front running mono white devotion that he decided to add 4 Gideon Ally of Zendikar to the maindeck and try again. 

A 4-0 for me later in which he resolved 5 Gideons led to him telling the discord he is off it. “Bursavich just beat me every single game and I resolved gideon in all of them.” 

The only deck I ever lost matches to was spirits but I still won more than I lost against it. 

Around Monday our team was all piling on to the breach deck realizing how good it was, and I joined in to. 

I played a prelim and a league and immediately bought all of the cards from cardkingdom. But after my next few matches I was feeling very conflicted. 

I was very worried how bad UW was against breach, but I didn’t think breach would break 7-8% or the metagame anyway. And I can tweak UW some to have a shot I tell myself. 

The breach deck is obviously busted, but it’s a combo deck with a weird puzzle-like 3 step combo. 

First you have to get 2 lands into play and then play lotus field, then u have to play a thespians stage and copy it, and then u have to kill your opponent with ur huge amounts of mana. 

But the deck is so consistent and sort of resilient that I found myself trying to play it like a midrange deck. 

I have these faes and grazers and pores and viziers, I can block! And Fae for planeswalkers and grind people out or take all these weird dynamic lines... and then I realized I was fucking up a lot. 

The games are not always intuitive to me, and I won’t be able to live with myself if I register this and play horribly to lose games I should win, considering there will likely be some number of games my deck fails and I can’t win (or my opponent is prepared with damping sphere or one of the other 1-2 cards that do anything at all to stop this abomination of a deck) 

So a few hours after ordering the breach cards I am going to bed Monday night and I know I’m going to play UW control... 

Shoutout to the squad though! 

They really crushed it over these few days and perfected the breach list and had all the matchups figured out down to the T. 

Our limited meetings were great and I believe they really helped everyone a lot and we had an overall great showing in limited. 

I spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday with magic online open and the discord on my other monitor. 

I occasionally jam some games with teammates but for many many hours I just stare at my UW decklist while catching up on the latest breach tech. 

I just stare at the deck..... 

For hours

I went to get lunch and came back and stared some more. 

It was perfect and there was just nothing to cut. 

I wanted another hard counter in my deck but could not find the space. 

I have been moving 1 card around here and there, swapping 3rd field of ruin for the 4th Glacial, swapping back, then swapping back again. going down to 1 absorb and back to the 2/2 split back to 1. Moving around seal away D sphere narset lantern thassas intervention Mystical Dispute elspeth etc. etc. but mostly keeping the same core 73-75 cards the same. 

With a few hours left in submission and all the data pouring in, we realize that LSV Huey and a large swath of great players have all been spotted in leagues today playing breach. 

I am suddenly panicked bc the matchup is still quite bad. 

I have a few good cards, but nothing to swing it past like a 33% matchup at best.

I know damping sphere is my only real option if I want to respect it, and I’m of the mindset that doing so is normally a bit silly. 

While the deck is obviously busted, it’s been 5 days and many players are uncomfortable playing decks of this style. 

My general guess is that it breaking 6-7% of the field will still be unlikely, and I think it pushing above 10% would be crazy. 

So I can expect to play vs it once on average?? 

Not so fast. 

This is a new RPT with a wide open field, but still a lot of goats at the top. 

Turns out you almost always have to defeat multiple goats to get the trophy in PT’s... 

And I didn’t fly to Phoenix just to have a good ole time and settle for 6th place, so I man up and delete 2 Monastery Mentor for 2 Damping Sphere. 

This will hurt me in mirrors and vs Invertor, but I am confident I will be fine anyway. 

With 10 minutes left in submission I consider adding a 3rd sphere but am too lazy to open back up my laptop and know I won’t be able to cut any of the beautiful cards in my sideboard for it anyway. 

Enough with the boring shit; let’s get to the tournament!!! 

Part2 coming tomorrow!

[superdwightandnicoleblogus-blog]

Learning Hip Hop With Instrumentals

What has happened to hip hop music? I have seen a disgraceful turn for the worse on my tv screen, but let's review some real hip hop music.

We will stick to only albums dropped recently. Needless to say, I highly recommend of all of these albums. I am not going to criticize any of those albums. Simply because there's already a million people who have done so - with or without justification.

Let's get started with the "Conscience Rapper" Common. I wish we didn't need to use that specific terminology to categorize the rapper because all rappers should be conscience. It's basically the definition of hip-hop.

Common - Finding Forever

From the incredible "unforgivable" all the way to the radio smash hits, "The People" and "The Game" (no similarity to the west coast rapper at all) ", this album is worth your purchase.

Common puts together rhymes like a puzzle. Each piece being essential as the last. He uses intricate rhyme schemes, but still gets his point across in the most immaculate manner.

Frequent exchanges punchlines with Kayne West on "Southside". My favored collaboration between the two; up until this point. Kayne also produces this track as he does most of the album. West spits at the top of his game while spitting lyrics e.g. "I know you must be thinking its armorall flow because it never gets rusty". Common on the other hand spits amazing lyrics himself, for example: "Your career was a typo, mine was written like a haiku."

Though Common never comes out and blames the south for hip-hops decline ( that he mentions a multitude of times) the following lyric from "Start the Show" could be subject to misinterpretation, "You sing along wit it, inside you knowin it's wack, Young who? I don't need a openin act". Common never backs down from a fight. In addition, he mentions the lack of hip-hop spirit in the song "The Game".

Is this Common's best work? I don't know. I personally like it better then his final album. Be had a very different ambience to it though. I guess, we should give credit to Kayne.

I understand this album could be perceived to have a few lackadaisical songs. Unlike fox news, I do give the other side. A counter perspective is available at Nobodysmiling [http://www.nobodysmiling.com/hiphop/album_review/87760.php]

Talib Kweli - Ear Drum

Talib's recent effort has sixteen tracks that will fulfill any fans need for one more album from the rap superstar.

He spits some of his most intellectual and deep thinking lyrics to date in "Ear Drum".

Electrify one of the most soulful tracks on "Ear Drum" is perfectly branded as it will electrify you. Notably your mind as the majority of the record does.

The guests help the momentum of the album more than they hurt it. Demonstrated in songs like "Hostile Gospel" with Bun B and Pimp C, who seem to fit in very well in the banger by Just Blaze.

If Talib had to take it back to square one. I'm speaking about the hip-hop classic "Reflection Eternal". He definitely took a couple of paces in the right direction.

I'll complete the review by saying that the album isn't perfect, but perfection is in the beholder.

Brother Ali - The Undisputed Truth

Brother Ali probably would get his mic cut off by Bill O Reilly with his very open minded views on America. Actually more times than less, pessimistic views.

A "Letter From The Government" basically denounces the whole war. Ali blatantly states in the chorus, "I got a letter from The government that the other day I opened and read and burned that guy, The way that I live don't concern that guy, We gon' need to settle this way". I guess he might also be talking about any chance of a draft and his response. Maybe just a letter asking him to join the military. Nevertheless, one of the most intriguing songs that's been released this year.

The underground artist doesn't stop there with his attitude towards America. Yes, his home country. On the track "Freedom ain't free". He annihilates our foreign policies. Especially when it comes to people that are starving in other countries. "So I use blood and sweat to butter my bread, Cos this cold world couldn't give a fuck if I'm fed".

If you are a liberal, you will most likely take well to this album. He doesn't like the war, he doesn't like our foreign policies, and he doesn't like how Muslims are being treated. He claims to be a devout Muslim in a few tracks.

If this album doesn't force you to sit back and think. You may want to get your brain examined.

El P - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Honestly. What can I say about this album that hasn't been repeated a million times. This is a monster underground album. Among the biggest in the history of hip-hop. You haven't heard of it? Funny, isn't it? If you like Mike Jones, I recommend you don't check out this album, if you're a real hip-hop fan, it's a must!

Nas - Hip Hop Is Dead

I don't think anyone else has said this, but hip-hop needed this album. Not because it has the best work by my man Nas, but because we needed the history lesson. I learned a lot from this album, I didn't even know.

In addition, it gave me the motivation to go back and play a few of those old albums. How much dust does your "Mc Shan" records have on them?

We need to remember our roots, which is a perfect segway for my next album.

The Roots - Game Theory

The Roots put together an album that flows together like Rakim and Eric B.

You won't skip a track on this cd. I can guarantee you that. Black Thought isn't even on top of his game. Am I the only one who finds that unbelievably scary?

The Roots are breaking ground in hip-hop. Although it's underground in general, It's ultimately refreshing.

Ghost Face - More Fish + Fishscale

I am absolutely exhilarated to get all this new Ghostface material. Though he has never been type to Hip Sop Songs have a break from rapping. He comes back, probably full fledged with these two near classic albums.

Still spitting as mean as you would expect. If you would like to learn to be an emcee. Study every move of Ghostface.

Killah Priest - The Offering

Although the album isn't officially out. It did leak. I have heard nothing but positive reviews. I think this might be his very best work to date.

The album also includes some fantastic artists like Canibus, Ras Kass, Kurupt, and Immortal Technique.

Canibus - For Whom The Beat Tolls

I might take some heat for including this album in my list, but Canibus returns to his previous self. I couldn't be happier. He's still one of the greatest lyricists in the game. Never demonstrated better than on his 400 bar track, "Poet Laureate Infinity

Free rap music is everywhere online nowadays, providing hip hop fans a chance to really explore the genre like never before. In this article I'll show you a whole slew of places you may discover free rap and hip hop tracks online that will keep you up to date with the freshest music out there today.

The first place is an excellent site named Pandora, which allows you to personalize your own radio station based on your preferences. For instance, you can make a radio station based on Jay Z, and Pandora serves up a list of tracks that are similar in style to Jay Z. When some tracks will be familiar, there'll also be those moments where you enjoy a monitor from a group you've never even heard of before.

That is possibly Pandora's greatest accomplishment: it offers free rap music that may not have been heard otherwise. Pandora also allows you to vote for songs since they're played and adjusts its recommendations accordingly. I'll run Pandora in the background while at work or at home, and absolutely love the service.

Another excellent resource for rap tracks is Jamendo. This website allows you to search by genre and license. So if you're looking for royalty free rap music, this is a great place to get started. If you aren't searching for beats to rap over, you could always just surf the website for new tracks. Jamendo can also be used in conjunction with Pandora. If you discover a rapper on Jamendo, you can seek out related rappers on Pandora (or vice versa).

A buddy of mine started using YouTube as a radio station. Last time I was at his house he had a whole assortment of Outkast songs- some with videos- going on in the background during a party. As you do have to manually switch from 1 song to the next, YouTube has a massive database of rap tracksthat can be used indefinitley. Additionally, it provides you a chance to see videos for songs (most of which never get any airplay on TV).

These 3 sites are certainly the resources for hip hop fans searching for free tracks. They also give fresh content regularly, which helps listeners stay current on where hip hop is headed. I highly recommend you get online and start seraching these websites for some killer free rap music.

In the early 1970s, the cultural movement of hip hop music was born. Hip hop's fast paced music style is made of two parts; the rhythmic delivery of rap and the use ofinstrumentation by a DJ. Hip hop music also brought with it a fashion of its own, the fashion helped to represent this newly created music.

Hip hop music has its roots from West African music and African-American music. The first rap song to be put on a vinyl record was, "Rapper's Delight", a song by the Sugarhill Gang back in the 1970s. This is when block parties started becoming the norm in New York City, which gave hip hop and rap the chance to explode in popularity. Hip hop's instrumentation came from funk, R&B, and disco, when combined together make this dynamic type of music. When the DJs at these block parties learned what the people liked, they began mixing these vinyl records and created music that played continuously with amazing transitions between

songs. Hip hop was actually created by a DJ named Kool Herc, a Jamaican that had moved to the United States of America with a style that consisted of mixing music by using two Copies of the same record. Many of the poor Jamaican's in the town couldn't afford vinyl records, so huge stereo systems were set up so that many could here the rhythmic beats. These stereo systems were the kick-off for the beginning of the

evolution of block parties. So with the musical talent of these amazing DJs, by means of vinyl record mixing, the culture of hip hop and rap music was born.

History of R & B

R&B, which stands for Rhythm and Blues, was the greatest influence on music around the world for the majority of the 20th century's second-half. Rhythm and Blues is a term with a wide sense, but typically recognizing black-pop music. This type of music was introduced to the world by artists' combining the music styles of jazz and blues. R&B is actually what was later developed into what we know as rock and roll.

In the 1970s, the term R&B was being used to describe soul and funk music styles, which today we know that it describes Rhythm and Blues. Along with being influenced by jazz and blues, R&B also had influences from gospel and disco music. Disco's downturn in the 1980s opened the door for R&B to truly take-off in popularity.

Learning how to make hip hop beats isn't an easy process. It is often quite convoluted and complicated. But if you have patience and a desire to learn, then let me tell you, nothing can keep you from succeeding. All it takes is passion and a desire to learn. As you would like something passionately, then nothing can stop you from pursuing to discover some more.

Learning the Ropes

The first thing that you will need to remember while learning how to make hip hop beats is that there are no rules! Yes, you got that right; there are no rules to making fantastic hip hop beats. You need to run wild with your imagination and you'll have a excellent bit of music just like that. Also, you need to begin developing your listening ear. Look at the most mundane things for inspiration - kitchen sounds for example! Nobody appears to notice the most ordinary humdrum these days because most individuals are busy chasing the grand. Then it is time to refresh and experience for the first time what you always hear daily.

A useful tip when it comes to figuring out your beat is to start with the drum track. Why? Simply because it provides a frame of reference around which you can work and since drums are such an essential part of hip hop beats, what better instruments to start with? Thereafter you can build on that.

If you're a beginner learning how to utilize your beat making software, before you begin anything, understand how the program works really well. This saves you hours and hours of time and also helps you make better music. Hip Hop is basically based on loops so pay special attention to the loop features of the program.

It's also wise to remember, while figuring out your beat that most hip hop beats are around 4/4. This usually means that there are about four beats per bar, but beats with 2-8 beats per bar can also sound great. Like I said, there are no rules, so don't do what your best friend is doing, simply to fit in! Do something experimental, something no one has done before. Express yourself while you develop the beat.

[ismokeitsite]

i ate some funky edibles and i think they transported me to another fucking dimension

i ate some funky edibles and i think they transported me to another fucking dimension

1. the worms

something real fuckin weird happened to me a few days ago. a lot of you aren’t going to believe it, but i've got photo evidence to back up my story, so i'm just gonna start from the beginning.

last friday, i got home from work and decided to eat some edibles, some wormy-looking gummies. i'd gotten em from one of my work mates and he told me to only eat a couple. "these are some dank little lads," he kept saying. but i'd had a stressful day so i snarfed down three of them bastards. i turned on some music and plopped onto the couch with my laptop to do some brain-dead web browsing.

right as I sat down, my phone buzzed, and when i picked it up i noticed something was wrong with my home screen. a few of the apps looked like they were somehow... torn? like right down the middle. and in the spot where i usually keep my google maps app, there was just a blank space. as far as i know you can't intentionally leave spaces in between apps on the ios home screen, so i actually took a screenshot of it.

https://i.imgur.com/AG8v087.png

i started messing around with the "torn" apps to see if there were any other funky issues with them. none popped up, so i exited the app and then decided to tap the empty spot where my maps app normally goes.

my phone didn't react to the touch, but a moment later i noticed the song playing on my spotify playlist had changed. it sounded like "band on the run" by wings, but somehow distorted, sped up, with extra instruments backing the track. it was a fuckin banger of a remix so i sat there singin along to it while clicking around between different websites. bein a bit of a news junkie, i typed in theatlantic.com

this is what i saw.

https://i.imgur.com/MXtz3vK.jpg

i sat there thinking... president jobs? at first i figured the atlantic had a new nickname for trump, what with him always goin on about adding jobs to the economy. but then i noticed the little photo of steve jobs in the top right corner.

that's when i decided to do a google search.

https://i.imgur.com/a9xIgIL.jpg

at this point, i started actually freaking out. i went back and took photos of the tabs i'd already opened.

i opened a hundred news stories, wiki pages, reddit threads, youtube videos. they all told the same story.

either i was completely tripping balls, or steve jobs didn't die in 2011. he got treatment for his cancer early enough to stop it. after he got better, he left apple and started getting more involved in politics. he ran against clinton and sanders in the democratic presidential primaries, and won. he then ran against donald trump in the general election, and beat him by just a few electoral college votes. steve fucking jobs was now the 45th president of the united states.

on youtube, i did a quick search for "steve jobs donald trump debate." a video from nbc’s youtube channel appeared.

so i watched it. all 99 minutes of it.

2. the debate

trumpets blared as images of steve jobs (older looking, yes, and now sort of fat) and donald trump flashed across the screen. jobs tinted blue, trump in red.

hands shaking, i snapped the picture below:

https://i.imgur.com/KrDuctC.jpg

the feed cut to lester holt, seated at a bigass desk directly in front of the stage. as he explained the rules of the debate, the camera panned to reveal the scene. sure enough, there jobs was at stage-left, slightly hunched, his fist at his chin, eyes downcast. across from him, trump stood statue-still, gripping the edges of his lectern tightly. trump glared over at jobs looking like he wanted to say something to his opponent. jobs didn't seem to be aware of him. he was lost in his own thoughts.

lester invited the candidates to give their opening statements.

jobs went first. to be honest, he sounded like a republican to me. he talked about the need for deregulation of business and growing threats from the chinese. he called for a new “space race,” this time in the realm of artificial intelligence. as he spoke, he began pacing rapidly.

“the people of the world don’t know what they want,” jobs said. “the world needs leadership, for someone to show the right way forward. so america has a choice. we can waste our energy on vain attempts to return to the year 1950, or we can take responsibility for designing the world of 2050.”

trump’s opening statement was exactly as i remembered it from when i watched him debate hillary clinton live two years ago. he spoke about america’s crumbling infrastructure, its bad trade deals, its wasteful wars. he vowed to Make America Great Again. wrapping up, he declared himself to be “the law and order candidate," and "the candidate who will defend family values.” after pausing to let that line sink in, he said, “i know how important it is for fathers to stick around and raise their children.”

i thought that was a pretty nasty angle. pretty much everybody knows that jobs’s birth parents gave him up for adoption, and that jobs himself had rarely been there for his daughter, lisa.

“mister jobs, you get the first response,” lester said.

jobs stepped forward, glaring at trump. in a quiet voice, he spoke:

“you want to talk about fatherhood?” he said. “my birth father gave me nothing.” jobs spat the words.

“you, though. you would be nothing without your father.”

then jobs strode, long arcing steps, across the stage, stopping near some imaginary dividing line in the middle, a finger aimed directly at trump.

“you claim your father only ever gave you ‘a small loan of a million dollars,’ but anyone who looks would find that your father gave you hundreds of millions. he gave you everything you claim as your own.”

trump took a step forward, wagging his own finger, his lips curled into that O shape that looks like a puckered arsehole. “not true,” he said.

at this, jobs nearly sprinted across the stage toward trump, arms in the air like an animal about to attack. a woman in the audience let out an involuntary “oh!” and trump himself visibly recoiled as jobs got in his face, now almost screaming:

“everything in your entire life, your name, your gaudy, golden homes, your many wives, all of whom you cheat on, all of things in your life that you cherish, you’d have none of it if it wasn’t for fred trump!”

the crowd started getting rowdy at this, and lester tried to cut in. he got out “mister jobs–“ before jobs spun on his heel, marching toward lester’s desk.

“i’m standing next to this man on stage, and we’re supposed to be equals?” he yelled. slowly, he leaned in toward lester and the cameras. in this fucking chilling tone, he said, “we are not equals.”

lester leaned back in his chair, his mouth open, but no sound coming out. jobs straightened up, gliding back to the middle of the stage. he held his hands out to trump, like a man offering a gift.

“i am ten times the businessman you are,” he said, his voice now totally calm. “you don’t deserve to be here, on this stage. you are nothing but a cheap clown in a wig. now why don't you stop pretending you’re something you’re not, and crawl back to that tower you bought using your daddy’s money.”

lester tried to regain control of the crowd, but they were in total anarchy.

for the first time since i’d started watching this video, i became aware of my own hands. i reached for the mouse and clicked on the timeline to re-watch the final lines of jobs’s diatribe and the crowd’s reaction. in the individual voices of the crowd’s roar, i could hear what sounded like every human expression: outbursts of anger, shouts of laughter, cries of something like fear. some object -- a red hat? -- was thrown toward the stage, and a brief struggle ensued as secret service agents escorted the tosser from the room.

finally, lester regained control of the room by repeatedly shouting “MISTER TRUMP, HOW WILL YOU RESPOND?”

trump used his time to protest, accusing jobs of being “very, very unfair.” he then tried his own line of attack, referencing jobs’s well-known drug usage (“is that really the kind of person you want for a president?”) but jobs declined to use his allotted time for a response when lester gave him the opportunity.

the debate proceeded like this for the rest of the night. although trump responded animatedly to each of jobs’s points, jobs refused to address trump directly. when not speaking in response to one of lester's policy questions, jobs seemed to almost disappear into the shadows in his corner of the stage. even as trump increased his attacks, at one point again bringing up jobs's failures as a father, jobs seemed almost not to hear him.

the one exception came later in the evening, when trump made a passing reference to his own christian faith. jobs audibly scoffed and muttered “yeah, right,” just loud enough for the crowd could hear.

trump stopped short. “excuse me?” he said, eyes wide.

jobs looked up, his face open and earnest.

“you’re a fraud, and everyone knows it,” he said.

he held trump’s gaze for a moment, then relaxed back into his default pose, head on fist, disengaged.

trump looked shocked. he stammered something -- “unbelievable, this guy” -- then tried to return to the point he’d been making.

about at this moment, i noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

my phone's screen had lit up, but was totally black.

the white apple logo appeared in the center of the screen. the phone had reset on its own. a moment passed, and the lock screen appeared. i was dimly aware of trump's voice suddenly cutting off, and i looked up at the screen. to my shock, i saw donald trump standing on stage with hillary clinton. they shook hands and stood side by side, waving to the crowd as lester holt delivered his closing remarks about the debate.

more confused now than ever, i scrubbed back in the video to earlier in the debate, and there the two of them were: hillary in a bright red pantsuit, trump in the same suit he always wears. the video now had a different title: "The First Presidential Debate: Hillary Clinton And Donald Trump (Full Debate) | NBC News"

3. the photos

all of this happened about a week ago. in the time since, i've basically been in a state of shock. i haven't been able to go to work, or really move much from my couch. for a few hours after my phone reset, i convinced myself that i'd just gotten too fucking stoned and made the whole thing up in my head

then i checked the photos app on my phone.

for a whole week, i've been back in the reality where steve jobs is dead, and donald trump is president, but still those photos i took remain on my phone.

i've uploaded the photos to imgur and shared my story here in part because i still don't fucking believe it and i need more eyes on the evidence.

i think those fucking gummy worms briefly transported me to a parallel dimension.

Submitted October 07, 2018 at 04:27PM by SubredditStories via reddit