#Joel logged onto the server

[smoozie]

Why is Scar Like That abt boat boys. What's going on in his head rn. The only person more obsessed with boat boys than boat boys themselves is Scar.

[mcytshipsandmore]

Scar and Gem are the #1 Boat boys shippers on the Hermitcraft server and have tried multiple times to get them to confess to each other.

But when their many attempts fail, in a desperate attempt, Gem reaches out to the true #1 Boat boys shipper.

Mythical J Sausage.

The fear Joel felt when he saw Sausages name log onto the server was wores then anything he's felt in any of the Life games.

(He confesses to Etho before Sausage, Gem and Scar can do anything)

🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥 ITS BRILLIANT BRILLIANT 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥 -⭐️

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, TangoTek, 6/10/24

((This is the funniest one yet, good lord. Things get wild starting around 2:08:00.))

8:30 Tango opens the stream hot, calling Chat jerks and telling them his shirt is red. Chat is skeptical. Tango wishes everyone a happy Monday and pushes out a video. He was waiting to put his video out until Pearl pushed hers out, and she pushed hers out just a few minutes ago. Tango tells everyone they can leave now and watch the video, which is “only” 51 minutes long. It’s a double video, stuff with him and Pearl, the copper farm, and hilarity with Tango and Zed. Today’s job is finishing the aquarium. He thanks the chat for subs and donos.

11:00 Tango makes some funny noises, explains that every time he messes up a take in the video, he just makes the cartoon noise and cuts it off. About 40% of his clips end with complete brain-farting. A chatter asks if he’s seen the League of Legends show. Tango doesn’t know much about it. Chat says it’s called Arcane, Tango says it sounds awesome.

12:00 Pearl appears and boops him, surprising him. He demands to know why he is being booped, Pearl tells him that she’s been standing around up above him but he didn’t notice her. He blames his powers of observation. Pearl offers him some apology redstone for the terrible timing of her video push. It seems like she was waiting for software that took a long time, but she dissolves into wailing before the full explanation is rendered. Tango assures her that it’s fine and tells her it’s a good video. He asks if she finished all the detailing and she tells him yes, it’s all done. Tango asks if he can take the chat over and play Wordle, and they make tentative plans for later. Pearl leaves.

13:40 A chatter asks Tango if he had fun in Zedaph’s hole, Tango says of course he did. Tango explains the water kitten aquarium he and Zed started. He is having a hard time making words happen today. Chat is alternately sympathetic and laughing at him. He goes to find more copper to put on the top of the aquarium. He says he has a new copper farm and it is working. A chatter asks about Wordle, Tango encourages them to go watch Pearl’s video, because Wordle is amazing. A chatter teases Tango about stream and video at the same time. Tango jokes that it’s always feast or famine with the Hermits. A chatter writes Tango a poem. Impulse is still sick after his vacation, but he had a great time.

17:20 Chat is still trying to figure out what color Tango’s shirt is. Suggestions include maroon and rust. Tango begins placing copper. Today’s challenge will be finding axolotls in the lush caves underground. Chat says Joel has some that can be bred, Tango says maybe, but an adventure might be more fun. He looks at the wheat farm and says he has 10 stacks of hay bales now. He consults with chat about details to add to the aquarium before putting axolotls in. Chat has lots of decorative ideas. A chatter suggests warped logs for the animation effect, Tango likes that idea. A chatter asks about Tango’s megabase this season, he says it is the steampunk factory. He also tells Chat that the copper farm will eventually have a steampunk airship built around it, something that the video audience doesn’t know yet.

21:50 Tango wants decorative and functional copper pipes in Minecraft. Chat suggests using lightning rods as pipes, but they are too thin. The Skizz scream noise goes off a a piglin dies to the extermination machine, Tango jokes that nobody even notices it anymore. He goes to get buckets. Chat reminds him to be very very careful not to waterlog the floor, which has farmers beneath it. He promises to be careful.

23:40 A chatter asks how he doesn’t take fall damage in his drop shaft, Tango explains the powdered-snow-under-carpet trick. In chat, Xisuma asks everyone to not go to the End Dimension. Tango begins placing water in the aquarium. Doc signs onto the server and X asks him specifically not to go to The End. Doc tells X he is already there, announces he is joking, and then asks why he needs to steer clear. Tango notices the exchange and says he doesn’t go to The End anyway, then suddenly realizes he kind of needs to get more shulkers and gear. X explains that he is currently moving mobs and Doc agrees to stay away.

26:30 Tango continues placing water and considers where to put the warped logs. Cub signs in, X asks him to not go to the end. Cub immediately makes the same joke about already being there. Xisuma yells “twice!” Doc laughs.

27:30 Tango places a patch of warped wood. He likes it. He heads on a quick nether adventure to get more. He asks chat about water kitten husbandry. Chat advises him that they can drown on land if given a place to get stuck. Tango finds a pillar someone made of warped logs all the way to the ceiling and decides to steal it. It’s a little terrifying. Someone mocks him for “being that guy” and leaving a single floating log. He says that nobody cares what the nether looks like anyway. He solicits fun ideas for a shroom shop from chat. Chat thinks it should be a mushroom or a warped tree. Someone suggests a shroom monster. Tango likes that, something like Treeza from S8. Pearl whispers that she would be willing to help, Tango says that would be great but he would just be watching slackjawed while she builds. She says if he teaches her redstone, she will teach him to build a monster. Tango thinks the monster needs to have a lot of puns involved, a pun name and a pun dispenser. Its name can be Fun Guy.

34:00 Chat suggests some more punny names, including Fun Gus and Mike the Myconid. Tango gets a bit lost on the way home, but makes it back to the nether hub. A chatter jokes about the monster having a warped sense of humor. Tango returns to the aquarium to place more warped logs while chat puns at him. He is now excited about building the shop. Next episode might not even take 16 days!

36:30 Tango checks the wheat farm, no flooding yet. He returns to placing water. Chat is upset that one piece of warped wood is out of alignment. Tango does not care. He finds a deep hole and wonders what is down there. He jumps down the hole and declares spoilers for the video that just came out. There is a hole in the bedrock going into the void. He leaves it open in case Zed comes over to visit.

40:00 More water placement. A chatter suggests hanging a fox with a torch in the void as a dynamic light source. . Tango likes that idea. The aquarium is starting to get very dark. A chatter asks what water kittens are. Tango explains they are axolotls, but calling them water kittens is more fun.

42:50 Tango needs sea pickles. He makes a graceless exit from the tank and looks for his sea pickles. He remembers he was going to add a few oxidized grates for steampunk style. Grates can be waterlogged without looking stupid. He puts away some water buckets. Mrs. T appears and asks what he’s doing. He says he is making a tank, she asks if it will have a pineapple in it. He says Gem makes the pineapples, not him. He begins placing sea pickles. She asks if there are other colors of sea pickles. He says no, but he could place coral. She wants pink coral. He is not shocked about this. He offers to put in a pink axolotl for her. She asks if that’s even a question. He shows her the copper grates and says it’s a grate idea.

45:15 Tango starts to tell Mrs. T about the shroomlight farm idea, but her lunch is ready and she leaves to get it. He places more grates into a sort of pipe structure and asks Chat if they like it. Mrs. T comes back and asks what the grates are for. He says for steampunk reasons. The vote goes against the grates. He tells Mrs. T about the shroomlight shop and all the puns. She is in favor of it, but in the “being supportive of my spouse” sort of way. She suggests “Shitake the Fun Guy” as a name. A chatter asks who Tango is talking to. He welcomes the chatter to the stream. Tango finishes “Watering up his hole.” Mrs. T sighs. Tango says if she wants more of that humor, watch the new video. She says ain’t nobody got time for a 51-minute video.

49:00 Tango waters the hole. He gets very close to finishing before flooding the outside of the tank. He decides not to waterlog the ceiling. Time for decorations. Mrs. T says to call her when it’s time to show off the kittens. Tango needs more pickles because the tank is still very dark. Chat suggests glow lichen. Tango goes to look for glow lichen. Chat cannot spell lichen for love or money. Tango does not have any glow lichen. He thinks about using froglights. Chat suggests robbing Skizz, but the problem with robbing Skizz is you can’t find anything.

53:00 Tango attempts to rob Skizz, going one chest at a time. He finds some moss , but the lichen may be out by the pyramid. Impulse signs onto the server. Tango finds some twisted vines, but they cannot be waterlogged. He finds a squid head and some vines. He goes to look in the pyramid chests and finds glow lichen. He steals all of it. He finds a Tango head. Chat suggests leaving one lichen behind so Skizz can bonemeal it. Tango agrees that would be considerate, but does not do so.

56:30 Tango returns to the aquarium and learns that you cannot waterlog heads. He adds lichen to the tank. Chat suggests a head on an armor stand, but Tango thinks that’s a lot of work. The lichen doesn’t seem to be adding much to the brightness. He tries a twisted vine, but it does not waterlog. He accuses the vines of hating fun. He places and bonemeals some kelp. Tango asks about who sells coral, Chat tells him Gem. He says he should buy Gem out because it will make her happy. He starts to drown. He finishes kelping and says he will snip the kelp down to size later. He also thinks about placing a wet sponge.

1:00:00 Tango’s phone rings with its boomer ringtone. He hands the phone to Mrs. T and tells her to change his ringtone. She agrees cheerfully. Tango thinks they may be done building the tank. Chat reminds him to get the coral. Mrs. T shames Tango for having two “Settings” buttons on the first page of his phone, one line apart. He says when one has his powers of observation, one must adapt to it. He heads for the coral shop.

1:02:00 Mrs T begins cycling through ringtones. Chat says each is more boomer than the last. Tango finds the coral shop. Chat suggests using the Skizzle Scream a a ringtone, Tango says that would be great in public. Tango decides he doesn’t want coral blocks, only coral fans. Chat starts making jokes about Onlyfans. He buys several colors of coral, including pink, and says since Gem doesn’t have an ender chest, he doesn’t have to pay. He pays.

1:05:00 More ringtones. Tango assures Mrs. T that chat is really enjoying this. Tango flies to Two Tek Delay and checks his stock. He doesn’t think he’s sold any pistons yet. He needs to do some restocking. He heads back to his factory, showing Mrs. T the giant firework along the way. He explains how much work it was, how many temporary blocks. Chat points out that Scar would do it too. Tango agrees, but says he wouldn’t do it. It’s almost water kitten time.

1:07:50 Tango puts pink coral in the tank to appease Mrs. T. She wants other kinds of pink coral, the kind that is not so flat. He asks how she knows more about coral than him. The tank is so full there is almost no room for more decorations. Chat says he needs yellow coral. He leaves the tank and looks in. The coral is invisible. Chat says the blue glass was a bad idea. Tango blames chat for choosing blue glass in the first place. He says they can swap it out, but for what color? Chat wants clear glass.

1:11:00 Tango puts his coral and other decorations away. He finds clear glass and says this is going to be an interesting swap. He also grabs shears for the kelp. Chat wants a sponge, he says he will go back for it later. He trims the kelp in the tank to stop it growing. Grian signs on, Chat is excited. Tango begins carefully and quickly replacing the glass piece-by-piece. He predicts that the next thing Chat will demand is the Connected Glass resource pack. Chat agrees that he definitely should get that. He steps back to look at the first few rows and admits that the unconnected glass does look pretty bad. HE says he may do that next. He says he doesn’t like using things that will make things look nice for him but bad for others who visit. Chat points out that everyone else is already using connected textures. Chat is not sure about what the best way is to get connected textures. Tango says Chat is always right and never right, and his job is to sort out the consensus. A chatter says the blue glass was better.

1:17:30 Tango continues discussing datapacks versus modpacks with chat. Tango pauses the game to go choose a datapack that will give him connected glass. Chat helps him navigate the menus. He finds Unobtrusive and selects several glass options. He downloads the pack and implements it. Chat is mildly concerned that clean borderless glass will be invisible. The world renders back in with little stripes on the glass but no borders. Chat says clean and borderless are not compatible. Tango can live with it. Chat likes it. He and chat continue discussing the possibilities of resource-pack altered glass.

1:22:50 It’s water kitten time! Chat reminds him again about the sponge. Tango finds some wet sponges in his ender chest and places two in the aquarium. He thanks the chat for donos and subs. Tango is excited about a new version of Clank coming out. He looks at the tank and is satisfied. Chat is full of suggestions for armor stand scuba divers, shipwrecks and treasure chests. Tango says he might get Cleo to do an armor stand. He asks for how to breed water kittens and tells chat that the plan is to try and find wild ones, give up after five half-hearted minutes, then go breed Joel’s.

1:28:30 The adventure begins. Tango flies around looking for azalea trees. He realizes he’s forgotten an ender chest and goes to steal one from Zed. Zed does not have one. Tango figures maybe he won’t need one. In chat, Pearl warns Tango that the lush caves nearby kinda suck. Chat is full of advice on finding lush caves. Tango admires Scar’s portal as he flies by. He finds Jevin’s head farm and is confused by it.

1:32:50 Tango realizes that the other thing he forgot is a bed. Impulse sleeps, averting a crisis. Tango finds a tall hill with cherry trees on top and calls it Magic Mountain 2.0. It is already hollow, meaning the Magic Mountain crew could’ve saved a lot of time if they started with this one. Chat says it’s time to relocate. Tango finds a pillager outpost and releases the iron golem just for chaos’ sake. More flying, more looking for azaleas, more getting lost-ish. Tango realizes that without his ender chest, running out of rockets could be a serious problem. Chat spots an azalea tree, but the stream delay makes things difficult.

1:38:20 Unable to find what Chat says they saw, Tango flies onward. He looks around in a spruce and ice biome for a little while, then decides that the rocket situation is too precarious and he should head home.

1:40:00 Tango spots an azalea, and a lush biome that starts on the surface. He notes down the coords and begins to dig, harvesting the rooted dirt. The hole opens into a lush cave canyon. Tango goes exploring.

1:43:20 Chat notes that this is not a very good lush cave. Tango agrees. He fails at some parkour and makes a joke about 39th place skills. He starts digging down further, following the rooted dirt. Tango really wishes he brought his ender chest. The hole opens into a much better cave, except it is full of hostile mobs. Tango flees. He also did not bring a bow.

1:46:30 Tango predicts that he will die down here and it will be horrible. He updates his coords. He remembers that he forgot a totem of undying. He is surprised he hasn’t seen any water kittens. Chat informs him that they have seen some. A chatter helpfully tells him they look like pink lizards. Tango begin clearing out the hostile mobs to help the mob cap and increase his chances of survival.

1:51:00 Tango catches his first water kitten, a color that is hard to pin down but is probably pink. There is great rejoicing. Pearl is stream-sniping and cheers along in game chat. He catches a second one, a brown one, and asks chat if they should go for more. Chat says he should get more colors if he can.

1:55:00 Tango searches fruitlessly for several more minutes. Chat contemplates how nice it would be to have a bow. They suggest that Tango should collect small dripleaf. Tango says he doesn’t even know what that is. Chat says it is dripleaf that is small.

1:56:40 Tango finally hits the axolotl jackpot and finds a whole family group. He is very excited because one of them is pink. He catches a pink one, gets jump scared by a spider, then catches two yellows and another pink. The last yellow baby gives him a run for his money, but eventually gets bucketed. He celebrates his 39th place skills.

1:57:30 Time to go home, but how? Tango begins working his way out of the cave with gravel, sparing use of rockets, and digging straight up.

1:59:40 Tango reaches the surface and rejoices. He is right on the edge of Joe’s build. He pokes around the build, looking for a portal. Chat directs him to one and he gets to take a shortcut home. Back at the factory, he puts away the rooted dirt and other goodies he collected. Chat wants him to name the water kittens, but confesses that they will not despawn if not named. Chat convinces him to name them for fun. Tango is disappointed that there is no way to know the color while they are in the buckets. Chat is full of name ideas. He names the water kittens Swim Shady, Pumpkin, Hockey Puck, 39th Place, Water Smitten, and Swimpulse.

2:06:30 Tango releases the water kittens into the tank. Swimpulse is pink. He asks if they will jump out, then covers the hole to prevent it. He looks at the tank and is pleased. The tank looks good. Chat is very happy.

2:08:20 Tango hears a fart noise. He checks to see if Skizzleman is on the server. He is not, but Chat confirms they heard the fart. Tango begins searching for the farter. Scar drops down the elevator and says hello. He claims he had nothing to do with any backend exhaustion. He is the burper, not the farter. Tango suggests he must’ve burped on the wrong end. Scar says again that it wasn’t him, and that he came out to compliment Tango on his ask-a-lottles. Tango proudly shows off the tank. Scar offers to thin the herd if needed, but Tango says he’s going to grow the herd instead. Scar asks if it is possible to breed axolotls, and Tango explains yes, they do it by ripping Nemo to shreds. Scar thinks that is cool.

2:10:20 Scar and Tango have a conversation about connected and clean glass textures Scar has the same pack that Tango does. They both think that the stripes are just too white. Scar says it’s better now than it used to be, when glass was really terrible. He made his own texture pack back in the day that smoothed wool and wood, cleaned glass, and made mushrooms bigger. Scar suggests that maybe the tank needs a turtle or a dolphin, and says that he could help with that. Tango likes the idea of a turtle. He asks if Scar can deliver one. Scar says he can deliver anything, with a 50% chance of it being alive on delivery.

2:12:45 Scar is distracted from the turtle conversation when he catches a glimpse of the factory’s object-moving infrastructure. He is fascinated by the way that the blocks bob up and down “Willy Wonka style”. Tango admits that it’s just lag, probably because Doc’s on. Scar asks if Doc is still on a rampage about his stolen diamonds. Tango says he doesn’t know, but they agree that it’s pretty funny Doc is mad about stolen diamonds when he literally uses diamond ore for building blocks. They both hope that whoever the diamond bandit is, they keep going and take more. Tango implies that maybe Scar was the culprit all along, but Scar insists it was not him. He has to stay on Doc’s good side now because of his many crimes against the guy in Season 9. He remembers the tunnel bore disaster, where Grian banged and then he banged and there was a whole lot of banging and in the end he had to hide in a toilet.

2:15:10 Tango asks if Scar wants to do something dangerous. Scar immediately says yes. “Like really dangerous?” Tango presses. Scar nods. Tango tells Scar to follow him. He leads Scar over to the hole. Scar asks if this is where Decked Out 3 is. Tango confirms it totally is Decked Out 3. Scar looks down the hole and asks where it goes. Tango encourages him to drop down and Scar does, using his elytra for a soft fall down the two-wide hole. Tango follows, expecting Scar to have fallen into the void, but find him two blocks away in a two-deep hole in the bedrock. Tango tells him he missed. Scar gets himself out of the hole and immediately falls into another one. He climbs out, says “Jeez, there’s holes everywhere!” and instantly falls into the void hole. Tango cackles madly.

2:16:10 Tango freecams into the void and finds Scar rocketing around under the bedrock, calling for him and looking for the hole. Tango encourages him to “follow the sheep!” Scar makes several passes by the hole before managing to find it and shoot through it. Tango cheers and pops back into his body just in time for Scar to die of experiencing kinetic energy. Tango tries to figure out where Scar’s bits went. He uses freecam to search up to farm level, where he finds Skizzleman wandering around the edge of the hole. Chat informs him that Skizz (who is also streaming) has collected Scar’s things.

2:18:20 Tango flies up the shaft and finds some of Scar’s things at the top of the hole. He also finds Scar, who bounds over yelling “THIS IS A HELL-HOLE MURDER CHAMBER!” Tango compliments Scar on doing a great job getting out of the void. Apparently falling into the void resurrected all sorts of traumatic Season 8 memories of being thrown down the Boatem Hole. Skizz is nowhere to be seen at this point. Scar asks where the rest of his stuff is. Tango says he doesn’t know, but that he suspects there is someone else around here. Scar threatens to shove an askalottle in their face. He jumps back down to the hole and asks if he flew all the way up here, even as Skizz makes an appearance. He is wearing Scar’s hat and giggling.

2:19:10 Scar greets Skizz as “Skizzie-lizzie!” then asked Tango if he really flew all the way up that hole. Skizz thanks Scar, telling him that he has been streaming for seven seconds and he already has what might be the best blooper reel moment ever. He explains that he was sneaking up on Tango and happened to turn around just in time to see Scar for a tenth of a second before he exploded. Skizz returns Scar’s things to him, telling him that he made himself into a chest to collect Scar’s stuff for him. Scar, who is digging in his ender chest, suddenly realizes that he has found “The Flatulenster” who was making the fart noise earlier. Tango laughs. Scar confronts Skizz, who tells Scar to put his ender chest back on the ground and open it, then look for the “thank you” he owes Skizz. Tango points out that Skizz was not online when the fart occurred.

2:20:30 Scar thanks Skizz for saving his things and apologizes for fart-accusing him. Skizz doesn’t even know what Scar is talking about. Scar proceeds to tell Skizz the tragic tale of his visit to Tango where he just wanted to compliment some asskalottles and was accused of a fart he did not commit. Skizz commiserates, saying that the same thing happened the last time he streamed with Tango, and that he suspects it is Tango’s fault and/or imagination. Tango insists that his chat heard the fart too. ((The fart noise is audible on VOD review.)) Scar says they need Mrs. T to confirm that Tango is a fart-denyer.

2:21:50 Skizz is still wondering why Scar exploded. Tango explains it’s because he jumped down the hole. Scar leads Skizz over to the hole and encourages him to jump down, saying it’s fun. He tells Skizz that it is cool, and the reason that he died was because he came up too fast and had an accident. Skizz leans over the edge for a better look and Scar, in the least surprising act of Betrayal-By-Scar since The Lion King, kicks him down the hole. Skizz yells and begins attempting to rocket out of the hole with limited success. Scar insists he needs to go _down_ the hole, it’s super fun! Skizz manages to escape the hole and says no, because he doesn’t want to die. Tango and Scar assure him he won’t die (if he’s competent, Tango adds parenthetically.)

2:22:40 Resigned, Skizz asks if there’s a side he needs to jump down, then flings himself into the hole. He does a perfect full-send fall, right into the void, and falls out of the world. Tango shrieks in horrified delight. Scar calls down the hole that he feels bad now. In chat, False says “oof.” Tango demands to know why Skizz didn’t deploy his wings. “He would never have survived Boatem,” Scar observes dolefully.

2:23:10 Tango sees that Skizz is not in a group for chatting and opens in-game chat. “dude. for real. wings.” he types. “YOU HAVE THEM” Scar adds. Tango does not understand why Skizz did not just press space bar. False pipes up in in-game chat: “It’s Skizz, this is on you guys. :p” Tango says he can’t even feel guilty because he just doesn’t understand. Scar highlights a comment from Skizz’s chat about “40th place skills.” Impulse says that False is right. Skizz leaves the game, to howls from Scar and Tango. They decide that they will have to assemble a care basket for Skizz to help him replace all his lost bits. Skizz rejoins the game.

2:24:15 Tango and Scar leave the hole. Scar can’t believe that Decked Out 3 is down there somewhere. The pair begin digging through their things to find stuff for Skizz. Scar says he will give Skizz a special pair of wings. Tango asks if they will auto-deploy. Skizz reappears, naked but for an elytra, and tells them to gather round and shut up. He tells them that he is going to give them a list of what they owe him, and that it’s coming back. Tango, barely able to talk from laughing, asks if he owes Skizz a space bar. Cause if that’s broken, he will definitely get Skizz a new one. Skizz stutters, then screeches “SHUT UPPP!” Tango loses it. Skizz tells them that he fell into the void and rocketed upwards “like a beast” but it wasn’t happening because he was falling AT TERMINAL VELOCITY, JERK. He demands to know why that hole is there, it makes no sense! (“That’s what she said,” mutters Scar.)

2:25:50 Scar asks why Skizz didn’t use his space bar to deploy his elytra. Skizz protests that he did, and that the first time he left the hole they gave him a bunch of static about how he was supposed to go down the hole. He thought that the little black square at the bottom of the hole was carpet. By the time he realized he was in the void, he was too deep to rocket out. Tango presents Skizz with an elytra named “Spacebar” and tells him that might help him next time. Skizz sighs. He tells Scar and Tango that the bow he had on him was a top-shelf bow, his only good bow of the season, and it was a gift from Grian. He also says his axe was amazing and it’s gone. Scar, who has been yawning through this, tells Skizz to stop complaining and they’ll work it out. Tango tells Skzz they’ll make him a care package. Skizz tells them he ALSO had a briefcase of five thousand dollars. Scar tries to give Skizz the HotGuy bow, but Skizz can’t accept that, so Scar tells him he’ll make him a “Hot-something” bow. Tango begins working up some enchanted diamond armor with the armor and books he has in his storage. Skizz claims that he’s not even complaining, he’s just stating something that happened, and it’s that his friends were JERKS. Offscreen, Scar opens a shulker box and tells Skizz to grab a pickaxe. Skizz sounds a little intimidated as he asks Scar why he has so much awesome stuff. Scar says it’s because he is awesome. Tango creates “Boots of Speed Falling.”

2:28:15 Tango gives the boots to Skizz, who gets a pair of pickaxes from Scar as well. Skizz is starting to feel like he’s making out pretty well. Scar tells the story of the time he lost his shovel in the mail system and Tango replaced it with a vastly inferior shovel. Tango disputes the veracity of the story. Skizz wants to know when he gets his bow. Scar tells him he’s going to make it, and that it will be a HotGuy bow with a different name. Skizz assumes it’s going to be Spacebar again. He demands to know why Tango didn’t tell him what was down the hole. Tango points out that if he had, Skizz wouldn’t have jumped. He just assumed that Skizz would have plenty of time to react during the eight full seconds it takes to fall into the void with wings.

2:29:20 Skizz says he’s gonna do it again. Tango tells him he won’t remiburse him this time. Skizz says he knows, he’s going to use his unenchanted wings and make Tango hold the good ones. Tango offers him rockets. Skizz waffles a little about doing it. Tango encourages him. ((Scar is mostly still and silent during this period because he is mocking Skizz on Twitter.)) Skizz approaches the elevator drop shaft and worries he’s going to lose his wings here. Tango tells him to take his boots off, at least. Skizz says he’s going to take it all off. “I bet you are,” says Tango, kicking him down the drop shaft. Skizz screams “STOP IT!” as he falls. Tango follows him. He attempts to prank the shaft and kill Scar, but is a second too slow. Scar plays the Inside Joke horn.

2:30:50 Skizz goes to unequip himself and tries to get Scar to put down an ender chest. Scar eventually puts one down. Tango tells Skizz that the real challenge is to fly to Zed’s base through the void. He tells Skizz that Zed has a big hole and he just needs to head west. There will be a pink sheep to light the way. Skizz doesn’t realize that it’s possible to survive in the void long enough to fly anywhere, drawing derision from Void Veteran Tango. Scar says he gets it, Zed and Tango are setting up a hole-to-hole network the way that there is a crack-to-crack network in Magic Mountain. Tango confirms this is exactly correct. Scar complains that the crack network is all hype and no substance, he wants to join the hole network. Skizz suggests that Tango should go with him on the trip, but Tango says he needs to go to Zed’s and make sure his hole is ready to accept. The recapper is very upset. Chat is beside themselves.

2:32:30 Tango heads for Zed’s base while giving Skizz travel advice. Skizz needs to turn on hitboxes so he will see the sheep better and fly due west. Scar doesn’t know what Due means and demands and explanation. Tango confirms that the hole is very much open. Skizz cackles, and Tango says he really needs to watch Tango’s new episode. Skizz reiterates that he can’t believe they let him die. Scar points out that Skizz kinda let himself die. Skizz disagreed, saying he got himself out of the hole and they told him to get back in there. Tango tells him to get in the hole. He and the Chat experience the radio play version of Scar leading Skizz back to the hole into the void. Skizz asks if Scar will do it too. Scar yawns and says no, he has all his stuff on him, then says fine. Skizz is pleased. Tango freecams into the void to watch while Scar and Skizz prep for the jump.

2:34:45 Skizz announces that he is going. “I’m going. I’m Going. I’M GOOIIIINNNG!” he yells. He immediately dies by falling from a high place. Tango puts his face in his hand. Skizz declares that the thing is stupid. Scar declares that he is going and yells his way down the hole, ending with a disappointed groan. He has popped his totem. He dives into the hole anyway and quickly becomes visible to Tango, who attempts to guide him in. Scar heads for Tango and the safety of Zedaph’s base while treating him and the Chat to a barrage of perhaps the most atrocious phrasing in the history of accidental dirty talk. He escapes the void and immediately dies of kinetic energy again.

2:36:00 Skizz demands another pair of wings so he can get back to the hole again. Tango demands to know how many wings Skizz could possibly need. Scar asks Tango to collect up his bits because he has suddenly realized he needs to go. Tango collects Scar’s possessions where they are scattered across the bedrock. Skizz interrupts and demands attention to say that he demands somebody do something. Scar tells him the adults are talking. He asks Tango to pack up his wings and rockets for him and Tango confirms he has them. Skizz says this base is dumb and he hates it. Scar leaves. Skizz tells Tango he needs to collect his wings from the edge of the hole before they despawn. Tango heads back to his base to get the wings, arguing with Skizz the whole time.

2:37:40 Tango jumps down the hole, successfully deploying his elytra for a soft fall. The wings are not there. Skizz tells him to look harder. Tango freecams and looks around, but there are no wings. They argue about the wings for a few minutes, and then about the deployment of Skizz’s spacebar and how he possibly could’ve died if he was flying correctly. Skizz wants his wings so he can try again. Tango asks rhetorically what Skizz wants him to do as he begins to ascend the hole. Skizz says he wants Tango to catch him and jumps in the hole. He falls past Tango and dies from a high-place fall. Tango arrives at the top of the hole and sings a bar of “Strangers in the Night.” Skizz says “Whatever” and starts talking about how he was throwing dice in the alley. Tango has no idea what’s going on and asks Skizz if he’s been drinking. Skizz says no, and Tango suggests that maybe he should. Skizz tries to explain that he was channeling the United States of Whatever. Impulse drops down the elevator shaft.

2:40:10 Tango informs Skizz they have a guest, then moon lands at Impulse until he joins the group and says hello. Tango cheers that Impulse is back from the dead, though still kind of dead. Impulse sounds pretty rough, but says he came over because he found something. He asks where Skizz is, but Tango doesn’t know. Skizz killed himself to get back to his base quicker, but is on his way back. He comes down the drop chute, and Tango doesn’t have the heart to sabotage him. Impulse presents Skizz with an enchanted elytra. It is also called Spacebar. Tango is confused and asks Impulse if he found them, and how. Impulse said he was in the void and caught them. He is clearly lying. Tango says now Skizz has two spacebars, and he is probably going to need them with the way he flies. Skizz agrees, because he is probably going to spend one now on another attempt.

2:42:00 Skizz begins quizzing Tango on what he does to successfully jump down the hole. Tango’s answers are not entirely helpful, probably because Tango is so used to elytra flying that some things are muscle memory. Skizz challenges him to jump down the hole and not deploy the wings until he is in the void. Tango tries to push Tango down the hole again and Skizz yells at him that he is naughty. Tango refuses to take the challenge. Impulse admits that the wings he gave Skizz were a pair of Scar’s wings he found one day and kept. Skizz is okay with that. Tango asks Impulse how he’s doing. Impulse is still not feeling good. Skizz tells him there’s something down this hole over here that will help with that. His attempt to fool Impulse rapidly derails into a retelling of his own story of hole-related woe, and Impulse is not convinced.

2:44:20 Tango tells Impulse he named a water kitten after him. He opens up the aquarium and lets Impulse jump in to meet Swimpulse. Impulse is charmed and admits he thought it was going to be something rude. Impulse decides he will try to get through the hole-to-hole connection. Skizz is offended that Tango cares about Impulse being set up properly, when he just kicked Skizz down the hole. Impulse points out that Skizz should’ve known he was in for something, being as how this is Hermitcraft. Skizz, mimicking Tango, asks Impulse if he wants some soup. Impulse actually would like some soup. Tango notices Scar’s tweet and dissolves into laughter. Skizz and Impulse both laugh too. Tango goes and finds Impulse a bed. Skizz continues complaining.

2:47:45 Impulse sets his spawn. Tango directs him to the hole, and then he and Skizz head for Zedaph’s base. Skizz nearly falls into Zed’s hole. Impulse falls from a high place. He loses his elytra. Tango apologizes for his defective hole. Impulse falls out of the world. It was tactical.

2:51:40 Impulse tries again. He makes it down into the void and heads for Zed’s hole. He flies cleanly up into it and survives, then immediately says “I’m going back” and dives into the void. Tango follows him and immediately gets lost. He figures out where he is and somehow smashes himself into the space one block above the void. Skizz, who is too afraid to jump into the hole, demands an ender chest so he can put his wings away. Tango invites both of them to join the hole network.

2:53:00 Tango and Impulse have a conversation about hole architectural improvements while Skizz goes on in the background about all the cool stuff he has and doesn’t want to lose by jumping into the void. He asks where they are. Tango says they are at his hole. Skizz says they can’t be at his hole, he is at Tango’s hole, then realizes he is at Zed’s hole. Impulse tells him to get his holes right. Impulse does a clean free-fall from the top of Tango’s hole into the void and catches himself with a rocket. Impulse calls it exhilarating. Skizz finds a box to put his stuff in and prepares to jump again. Chat says this is why women live longer than men. Tango agrees. Skizz jumps in the hole. He realizes he is using exploding fireworks moments before he dies of being exploded.

2:57:00 Skizz respawns at his own base. He tells Tango he owes him more wings. Tango just laughs at him. Skizz realizes he stashed his gear in Zed’s fireworks box and accidentally picked up a stack of Zed’s fireworks instead of his own rockets. He tells the others that he has a problem because now he has to keep trying until he succeeds. Tango points out that he’s going to run out of wings fairly quickly at this rate. Skizz tells him to shut up, he has to believe. Tango asks what they can do to help. Skizz asks Impulse to get his stuff from Zed’s place, because he needs wings and rockets. Tango starts laughing all over again about the exploding fireworks thing. Tango asks if this means Skizz also dumped a whole stack of Zed’s (very expensive) custom fireworks down the void too. Skizz says of course it does.

2:59:20 Skizz decides to make another attempt at the hole. Tango and chat are just listening to the drama unfold at this point. Impulse jumps down the hole and flies over to Zed’s place through the void. His casual flexing at this point cannot be overstated. A chatter posts a clip of Skizz’s firework-enabled demise from Skizz’s POV. Tango watches it with great delight, treating chat to a reprise of Skizz’s screaming. He compliments Skizz on his amazing death and they discuss the thought process that goes through one’s head when one is flying in the void with half a heart left and nothing but exploding fireworks. Impulse arrives at Zed’s and finds Skizz to help him ready up for another attempt, notably by making sure he has flight rockets. Tango’s chat is empathizing with Skizz’s chat in the clip, who clearly knew that Skizz had taken the wrong fireworks and were trying to warn him.

3:00:30 Another attempt is made. Skizz was not ready, but successfully dives into the void. Tango watches the Void from freecam and encourages him to follow the dangling sheep. Skizz and Impulse successfully make the flight from Zed’s hole to Tango’s. Tango congratulates him, then says it’s actually fairly low-risk. Skizz asks if he’s maybe considered making it a bigger hole. Tango says he thinks the hole network should be everyone’s normal means of traveling. Skizz asks about the sheep on the lead, Tango describes the process of dangling a sheep in the void. Skizz realizes he left his stuff at Zed’s house. Tango encourages him to go back to Zed’s house the cool way, but Skizz is extremely reluctant. Tango jumps into the hole and goes to Zed’s house. Skizz and Impulse go the uncool way.

3:05:15 Impulse, Skizz and Tango look at Zed’s contraptions, playing with the elevator and the enchanting table game. Skizz asks how the enchanting game works, Imp and Tango explain very badly. Skizz plays with the game for a few minutes and realizes that the only reward is the ability to enchant one’s items. Tango asks Skizz if he needs anything replaces from his adventures, but Skizz says Tango and Scar fixed him up. They agree that it was a very funny adventure and Tango leaves. Impulse says he will stay behind to fix the enchanting game, which is now mysteriously broken.

3:09:30 Tango returns to the factory. He agrees with Chat that his face hurts from laughing so much. He summarizes the accomplishments of the day and tells Chat that the VOD will be uploaded soon. He reminds Chat that his new video is also up now. He thanks Chat and raids into Skizzleman, then ends his stream.

[lifesmpliar]

I had a dream the other day that Lizzie was also joining the HC server, but she wasn’t a hermit and rarely played. She’d log onto the server to either cheer Joel on or bully him. Then she’d log out.

[theflippedpages]

The Chiseled Catastrophe - 0 (EtN + MCYT)

(This is the start of my new hyperfixation fanfiction. Blocky YouTubers are stuffed into a death-game escape room and have to try and escape while their friends die around them. How fun. :D)

(Also, if there's any other old fics ya'll want me to update, let me know! I got nothing else to do but write this summer break, so I might as well!)

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Episode 0 - The Wax Seal

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"Hello?"

"Hey, Tim," Grian's familiar voice crackled on the other side of the line, "I know you're busy with real-life duties, but I thought I should mention…" 

"Yeah?"

"...Tumble Town blew up.” And quickly added, “It’s not a joke, I swear on my life." 

Jimmy had been planning to take a couple of days off from Empires, but never once had he opened up Minecraft so fast. 

Before he could click onto the world, he spotted his web camera clutching the edge of his monitor, and he was instantly reminded of his duty as a content creator. Running a hand through his slightly damp hair and ruffling it to partially dampen his bedhead, he pulled up his recording software and sighed. 

"I was honestly planning to take a couple of days off of Minecraft to get creativity again, but," he raised his phone, "one of my friends just gave me quite a call… telling me that Tumble Town… blew up." He forced a chuckle as he began to record his screen. "Now, this could all be another bad prank to get me back into Empires… or all my months of work are actually gone."

Jimmy didn't force an emotion for a camera this time as his eyes shifted to the small sheriff plushie sitting on his desk. His heart was racing much more than usual, and he couldn't stop his eyes from blurring. He bit down on his cheek. It's just a game, Jimmy. It's just a game. He told himself, his mouse once again hovering over the 'Empires SMP' slot. It's not life or death. It's just something you do for fun. It's not actually life-threatening. In fact, this would be a great thumbnail and title. 

Blowing out his held-up breath, he clicked in and logged on. The world spawned in little sections as the white sky –wait, white?– filled his screen. Loading in doesn't usually take long… there must've been a ton to update. While he waited for it to load, he paused his recording and casually checked who was online. Some of the Empires' creators were there; himself, Joey, Scott, Marytn, Lizzie, and Joel; as well as some of the Hermitcraft players from the concluded crossover; Grian, Mumbo, Tango, and Ren. Though they had stopped recording about the ‘rift between the two servers’, the players were still interested and intrigued by the buildings and often came to visit off-camera. That's why he hadn't found it strange that Grian had been the one to call him, as he and Scar usually helped tidy and terraform the place when Jimmy was off recording 'lore' with the members of Empires. 

The name tags were less of his worry as he saw a new one join. 'Time_Is_Up joined the game.' He glanced over at his recording software, making sure it was paused. The worst thing I could do is ruin the magic of someone else's lore by showing a camera account. He looked back at the game, noticing the chat light up. 

SmallishBeans: who's that? Smajor1995: I thought it was a camera acc. InTheLittleWood: same here!

Jimmy's eyes narrowed. Was this also part of the story? No.. Someone usually mentions if they're adding an account in our group chat…

SolidarityGaming: you mean this isn't any of ours? LDShadowLady: nope, not mine Mumbo: I thought it belonged to one of the Empires members. Grian: I don't have an account named like that SolidarityGaming: Surely this isn't another ‘Xornoth’ thing, is it, Scott Smajor1995: it's not me this time, I swear!

Either someone is playing a strange prank or… wait, my empire!  He dragged his mouse down to check on the progress of his chunks loading in, reaching over to continue the recording and slipping in his headphones. Once he saw Tumble Town fully come into view Jimmy's heart nearly stopped. 

The once-thriving Wild West town now lay in ruins, its wooden structures engulfed in roaring flames that billowed smoke into the air, and deep craters dug into the red sand below. This town, which had once epitomized the rugged spirit of the frontier, was now a ghostly landscape of destruction. And to his surprise, the sky was still white…

Jimmy, the ‘Sheriff’ who had dedicated months to building up the town and establishing law and order, walked through the chaos with heavy steps. His heart weighed as heavily as the town's buildings, now reduced to smoldering piles of debris. The saloon, wagon, and jail that had once echoed with lively chatter and the jokes of his friends were reduced to ash and charred wood.

Jimmy remembered the countless evenings he'd spent on the top of the sandy crater, looking out over Tumble Town with a sense of pride. He recalled the laughter of Scott as he flirted with him, Joel playing by the TNT wagon, and the harmony that had thrived in this rustic settlement. As he walked, he stumbled upon the charred remains of the large train Scar had built, the ornate timepiece forever frozen in time at the very moment when chaos erupted. The destruction was surreal and heart-wrenching.

“Jimmy!” He instantly recognized the voice as it loudened with each yell. “Jim!” A pair of wings were flying above him, pulling back to land. “Jimmy, what happened here?” It was Scott. “Did your stash of TNT go off? Did someone…” His head moved in a circle as he took in the immense amount of damage. “...Spawn 10 Withers here? Why is Tumble Town so destroyed?” 

“I… I don’t know.” Jimmy admitted, turning to face him. “Grian called me, saying Tumble Town blew up. So I logged in… and…” He looked back into the mesa. “It’s all… gone.” The tragedy left Jimmy with a profound sense of loss. His duties as sheriff had been rendered powerless against the unstoppable flames that devoured the wooden structures. He couldn't help but feel responsible, wondering if there was more he could have done to prevent this disaster.

Smajor1995: Grian, could you come to Tumble Town pls Grian: sure

Jimmy heard the yelling of his fellow Britishman as the brunette landed beside him and Scott. “Grian, how did you know Tumble Town was destroyed?” Scott began asking before Jimmy could even say hello. “Did you see anyone or anything that blew up?” 

“No, no,” Grian shook his head, “I was actually here to steal some gunpowder for fireworks. But when I came by… your TNT wagon was lit up, and it caused a bit of a large crater. I thought it was just a silly mistake, and I turned to leave with my two stacks, but I heard more explosions…” He sighed. “And when I looked back again… there was TNT everywhere, and it was flying, and there was just… so much smoke.” 

“Could you catch any name tag?” 

“Yeah, actually, I think I saw-” Grian’s voice withered as he checked the chat. The messages flew quickly in succession.

Tango: Guys, I got a letter Grian: What letter?  Mumbo: I got one too Smajor1995: you mean, your internet bill?  Tango: no, no, like an invitation Tango: It’s like Minecraft themed RenDog: as I as well

“If you’d like, Sheriff, you could stay in my Inn back in Chromia for now,” Scott flirted, hoping to lighten the mood. Jimmy would usually push the woo away with a laugh and an assurance he’d do it on his own, but now, accepted it with a kind nod. 

“That would actually be very nice, Scott. The more I look at this, the more I feel absolutely enraged.” Jimmy tried to keep his eyes away from the destruction and toward the chat, but the flames and smoke distracted him quickly. “I’m just going to diffuse the fire… I don’t want it to expand and destroy more than it already has.” The blonde slowly trudged toward the fire as Grian monitored the lines on the screen, curious about the conversation.

Mumbo: I thought it was something from Mojang Tango: That’s what I’m thinking Grian: ooh, if it's from Mojang, have fun Mumbo: Grian, check if you got one too, the letter says 10 members Tango: 10 members from ALL over Minecraft, i don’t think they’d invite all from hermitcraft  RenDog: the letter doesn’t say ‘all’ though Mumbo: Wait, it says we shouldn’t talk about this… Tango: oh RenDog: pretend this never happened, guys. there was no letter.

Grian laughed. 

Grian: Letter? What letter? 

And the chat fell silent again as a few people began to sign off. 

Smajor1995: Btw, Jimmy’s place has been blown up, does anyone know who did it? LDShadowLady: like, in roleplay, or actuality?  Grian: Tumble Town was absolutely destroyed  JoeyGraceffa: no way

Grian frowned. 

LDShadowLady: oh my, Jimmy do you need resources to rebuild? SmallishBeans: we’d love to help, Jim Smajor1995: I’m gonna get him to stay in Chromia for now InTheLittleWood: who would do such a thing?

〰〰〰〰〰

Grian's room was dimly lit, the only illumination coming from the glow of his computer screen. The sounds of the faraway flicker of fire from the destroyed Tumble Town was an eerie, yet peaceful sound to listen to, paired with the quiet hum of the Minecraft soundtrack. But then, amidst the digital noise, he heard it – a gentle chime, like a distant doorbell. His head snapped up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Nobody ever rang his doorbell while he was gaming, and he wasn't expecting any visitors.

Pushing himself away from the desk, he rose from his gaming chair and padded softly across the room. The brunette reached the door, hand on the knob, ready to fling it open with a playful grin. However, when he swung the door wide, he found no one there. Instead, a simple envelope lay on the welcome mat, just inches from the threshold. He bent down, plucking it from the ground.

Is this the letter they were all talking about? The Minecraft one?

Examining the envelope, he noticed that it was old-fashioned, sealed with a wax stamp that bore an intricate design. His curiosity piqued, he carefully broke the seal and withdrew the letter from within. Grian's eyes scanned the handwritten words on the paper, and his brows furrowed with surprise as he read the unexpected message.

Dear Charles (Grian),

You are cordially invited to a Minecraft-themed party that promises to be an unforgettable experience. As you know very well through your years of continuous playing, Minecraft is a world of endless possibilities, and this event aims to bring that pixelated adventure to life. We've prepared a world full of surprises.

The location of the event is a remote area, isolated from the hustle and bustle of the city, surrounded by dense woods. Don't worry; it's far from the distractions of everyday life. You will also not be allowed to vlog through any other means, as this is meant for you and the 9 other invitees. 

This also means that this invitation cannot be talked about to anyone, whether they be of relevance to Minecraft or not. If we find out that this has been discussed, your offer will be rescinded and all your Minecraft accounts erased. I'm sure you wouldn't want that… and neither would your other invitees.

The environment may challenge your understanding of the real world and the digital realm. But remember, it's all in the spirit of fun and adventure.

Don't let the absence of exits concern you; the event will run through the night and into the early morning, with all food and hospitalities cared for and on the house. 

We understand this invitation might seem strange, but rest assured, it's all about transporting you into the Minecraft universe and creating lasting memories. We kindly request that you bring a sense of adventure and a willingness to embrace the unexpected.

Please be prepared for a night filled with enigmatic challenges, engaging experiences, and the thrill of the unknown. It would be recommended you dress up as your player skin to be recognizable to others. 

We look forward to your presence at the Minecraft-themed adventure. The date will be revealed shortly, and your transportation will also be taken care of.

 It will be an event to remember, and we hope you will leave with stories to share.

"Grian?? Oh, is he AFK?" He could hear Jimmy from his computer back in his room. He slipped the letter back into its casing and walked back upstairs. 

"Sorry, sorry, I'm back now," he blurted out, dropping the envelope beside his desk. "What's going on?" 

"Jimmy's 'bout to continue recording, we were hoping you could hide?" Scott asked, looking back at the still nametag of Jimmy's that had disappeared into the wooden ruins. 

"Oh, yes, sure." Grian was quick to murmur. "I actually think I might just head off right now." 

"Okay, yeah, have a good rest of your day then," Scott spoke as he crafted new rockets with the help of the half-broken gunpowder farm. He had to make his entrance in style, after all. How else was he going to take the spotlight in Jimmy's video?

Once he saw the brunette's name tag flicker out, Scott muted his mic and flew himself a distance over. He still kept himself within earshot of Jimmy's mic so he wouldn't create dead space in his recording. 

Speaking of, I have to start my video soon, if I plan on benefiting from Jimmy's destroyed empire. After all, this is a huge event. I have to get the first scoop before everyone else knows about it. Scott turned on his recording software and tested his mic before waiting in silence. He knew that there would be dead space in his video, but he didn't mind, seeing as he'd have to record himself in Chromia first so it didn't seem suspicious... And then get a message from Jimmy. But he can work out the kinks later once Jimmy's done with his initial panic. 

Grian said he knew who it was… While he heard the Sheriff mumbling about all his hard work gone, Scott's mind couldn't help but wonder who could've done something like this or why someone would do it if it wasn't for any story-based arc. Surely someone would've let Jimmy know before destroying his entire empire… it wasn't even a prank that could be fixed easily. Scott focused on Jimmy's words as they grew farther and farther away. 

"Oh my gosh, Norman!" Scott's eyes widened. Norman? Oh god, is he okay?

"Thank god you're safe!"

And Scott breathed out a heavy sigh. Even if it's just a few pixels, a pet in Minecraft is still a pet. 

"I better tell someone about this… who could've done such a thing! I've been nothing but nice to everyone– even if they call me a toy." 

SolidarityGaming: Is anyone nearby? Please come to my empire.

Scott took this as his cue.

Smajor1995: Anything for you, sheriff. I'm on my way.

He could hear the blonde's flustered sigh, and he couldn't help but grin at that awaited reaction. He instantly shot a couple of rockets into the sky, pulling back from the mesa only to fly in the direction of it, landing close to where he last saw Jimmy. 

"Scott, I'm so glad you're here!" 

Scott made a long motion of looking around the destroyed empire. "Jimmy, I thought this was something sweet, what on earth happened to Tumble Town?!"

"I'm asking you the same thing! I took a couple of days off, and went back to see everything in ruins!" 

"Gosh… maybe it was a stray lightning strike on TNT?" The cyan-haired tried to reason. "Maybe someone brought flint and steel a bit too close to your saloon?"

"Scott, there is barely a half-stack of TNT in Tumble Town. All my stock for trading is all in the form of gunpowder!" Jimmy grew more and more upset with each sentence. "And last I played Minecraft, gunpowder doesn't explode unless it's in a creeper, in TNT or fireworks! And two out of three of those can't create a disaster this big!" 

"Listen… being here is only going to get you further upset. Let's get you to Chromia where you can spend the night. Next morning, I'll call up the other empires and we can discuss what just happened." 

Jimmy hesitated for a moment. Scott didn't know whether it was a show for the camera or not. "Yeah… yeah, okay. I'll just… gather a couple of my belongings." 

Scott nodded, turning to fly back to the top of the crater. "Good, and make sure you grab everything valuable to you."

"Tumble Town is valuable to me." 

At that, Scott nearly broke character. This wasn't the 'Sheriff Solidarity' speaking, it was Jimmy. There was actual emotion in that short sentence. "You'll be okay, Jim. We'll find out who did it." He assured gently, slipping back into his actor-self. 

The cyan-haired didn't have to wait for long as Jimmy came back holding an Enderchest and his sheriff badge in his offhand. "Let's go." 

[mar-im-o]

“Are you not happy here?”

“What d’you mean?”

Bark falls to Grian’s feet with a huff as the axe slices across the log, stripping black and white stripes from birch until it matches the tan of the planks they’ve been using. Grian’s proud of the base so far, what with the dripstone overhead and the walls to protect their crops. It won’t be much help against fire, but it’s something. It keeps their backs covered.

And he likes the tan.

It’s familiar.

Scar hums as he grabs the scattered bark, feeding it to a flame flickering in the furnace. Grian watches him for a moment, waiting for him to speak again, but the man’s back is turned and focused on roasting cod and salmon.

It’s only when Grian gets back to work that Scar speaks.

“Are you not happy? With me?”

Grian snorts at the question. He buries his axe in a log so that it sticks, calloused hands abandoning the handle for dusting themselves off. 

“Alright, what’s your deal?”

Scar says nothing, back curved slightly towards the preparing meal.

“Scar?”

And Grian crosses, forgetting his work entirely so he can climb up onto the furnace and be eye-level with his ally.

Strangely, even then Scar’s eyes allude him.

They’re distant, lost tracing embers that float and sputter from warming flames.

Grian frowns. “Scar...?”

“You didn’t want to be paired with me.”

“I mean--” Grian shrugs. “You wouldn’t have been my first choice, but I don’t mind.”

“‘I don’t mind,’ he says. Wonderful.”

“Scar, what’s this about?”

“Us,” Scar snaps, eyes suddenly focusing onto Grian’s. They’re green and deep and swimming with emotions Grian can’t place. Despite himself, he shrinks away from them.

“Us?”

“Us,” Scar repeats. “I keep thinking back to it--you’re upset. You screamed when you found out it was me. Joel and Etho--they said you were planning a ritual to unbind us.”

The laugh Grian supplies is hollow and empty. Those aren’t untrue, but it was shock, really. He was surprised. It’s not like he’s unhappy with Scar, he just may have preferred someone else. Someone... different...

Grian doesn’t say that, but it seems he doesn’t have to. Scar scoffs and clicks off his brakes. “Right. I think I’m heading back to the Jellies.”

“Scar--”

“We don’t have to base together! Not if you don’t want to. I’ll--I’ll find a nice cave to settle into. Keep our hearts safe.”

Grian winces at the idea of that, Scar alone in some cave just waiting for Grian to burn out the rest of their lives. It’s miserable...

“I don’t want that,” Grian says.

Scar cuts his eyes. “And what do you want?”

“I dunno!” Grian admits. It’s not true. He knows it’s not. But he repeats it still. “I don’t know. To win, I guess?”

Scar actually laughs at that, with a burst of chuckling that seems so inappropriate for the occasion. He just laughs. He laughs as he picks a few cod out from the furnace to store for later. He laughs as he turns his wheels. “I’ll keep our hunger up! You work on winning.”

“Why are you being like this?”

Scar’s back is to Grian now as he says, “Because you’re not happy here.”

“Of course not, Scar! I mean--we’re trapped in some server where we’ll eventually have to kill all our friends. It’s not exactly a happy occasion.”

“But you’re not happy with me.”

“Right, because this is all my fault. Like you weren’t galivanting around the server insisting you didn’t care about your soulmate.”

“That was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before I knew it was you.”

Grian freezes, the tension he’s holding in his face, in his head, it doesn’t seem appropriate now. He can’t see Scar’s face. He’s not sure he wants to.

His mouth is dry, opening and closing around words he can’t summon.

So Scar does it for him.

“I wanted to be alone here. Just like Last Life. I didn’t want allies or teams or a group to follow around. I was planning to disappear off into a corner until my recklessness got the better of me.” A sigh. “But then you said it was you and it was different! I wanted it to be you--I always wanted it to be you. I don’t like doing this without you.”

“Oh, Scar...”

“Third Life was horrible. I still dream about it. About the blood on my hands. About me betraying you. But--but I dream of the good parts too. I dream of you on a llama and mountains and flags and failed traps and I’m happy. I’m so so happy with you in these dreams... Because you’re there... we’re together... Is it not the same for you?”

Grian is... quiet. His hands are at his sides now, head spinning, and he’s not sure what to do. There’s a truth seeded in his chest, trying to rip free just for the chance of warmth and comfort. But he doesn’t want to let it. What happens if there’s no sun there...

Grian steps forward. Scar doesn’t roll away. He doesn’t protest when Grian meets his eyes. He doesn’t protest when a shaking, nerved palm presses against his cheek.

And Grian is crying. When did that start?

Or has it never stopped?

“I killed you,” Grian says on hoarse breath. “I killed you then watched you die then killed you again and--and I think it almost killed me. I’ve always known it was temporary, but--”

Scar shuts his eyes, cheek warm against Grian’s palm as he nods. Grian knows he understands.

“I’m not unhappy with you, Scar--I’m thrilled to be with you again. I just--”

I’m scared to watch you die again.

Say it.

I’m scared to lose you, even if just for a moment.

The words never come, and Grian starts to think they don’t have to. Scar’s crying too, weight of his head resting against Grian’s palm and when Grian just can’t take it anymore he’s reaching forward and bending over Scar’s lap and holding him. 

They’re holding each other.

They’re not alone.

And they’re happy.

[kataa-floko]

I'm continuing on the "the rift from Hermitcraft and the purple crack on Empires are connected and it's gonna put the esmp members into Hermitcraft for the charity live stream in one week" theory with the evidence that 1) both fWhip and Joel have been using the same background music as Grian and 2) Joel keeps bringing up Scar in his empires videos

previous evidence:

1) the rift on esmp is constructed out of the same materials as the hc rift (stained glass and end rods),

2) the esmp rift transports things the same way as the hc rift (cf. Lizzie's villager, Pix's chickens (that you can hear in his video but not see), fWhip's boar Sniff, the sherrif toy Joel threw into it; cf. Grumbot Prime, the rift foreshadowing Mumbos return and the nostalgia theme of Grian's base)

3) Scar said that the hermits were going to be playing mini games during the charity event, and that there were going to be "special guests" at the stream, which maybe means that those guests will be logging onto the Hermitcraft server to participate in the games (cf. the server tour Doc did with two Mojang developers, and Scar saying that he's gonna show Tubbo the roller-coaster in his themepark when it's done)

Alternatively I think it would be funny if the whole "Ren the king" plotline ends with ren being thrown onto Empires

[sparxwrites]

Thoughts on the rift and everything that comes from it? <-finds your thoughts interesting and love reading your takes and opinions about things

truly obsessed with everything about it. the sheer amount of chaos. oli aggressively in character versus grian being allergic to lore. the immediate timmy bullying. rancher reunion. joel immediately making some truly filthy jokes. general hermit bewilderment about hermes. doc on a giant fucking pig, which i had not previously considered but i immediately accepted as the natural place for a doc to be. tango and his hats. everyone yelling "lore".

it's also kind of charming watching the hermits (who do play characters, but tend to be very loosey-goosey and self-conscious about actual roleplay) and the empires people (who, with a polite exception for joel "i refuse to do lore unless it's a) cursed, and b) i can be deeply self-conscious about it" smallishbeans, tend to be a bit more drama kid about their roleplaying) come into contact and try to adapt to the style of the server. it's very cute, and also just a really charming little bit of improv/social ettiquette being worked out in real-time, which i love.

(also gives us yet another example of grian "i am allergic to lore so simply i log onto a server, do the most lore shit imaginable, and then leave" dreamslayer doing his thing. "i think the empires people are a bit more serious about their lore haha anyway what if hermits are a whole different species" sir i want to preserve your brain for science.)

tl;dr: i am soooooo excited to see where they go with this <3

[awigglycultist]

Ok what's xlife? I've never heard of it and you keep posting about it and I'm lost

Okay so xlife is a minecraft sever with mc YouTubers. Basically everyone starts with 1 heart, everytime you die you gain a heart, if you die after 10 hearts you're out.

It's kind of the "chill" sever compared to other servers like dreamsmp.

It has religion that is "definitely not a cult" called Jeremyism where everyone in it worships Donkey Jeremy (which is ofc a donkey named Jeremy) how this came to be is a bit of long story but basically started because of a prank someone did and then Joel (Smallishbeans on yt) created a whole religion to get back

There's also the Witch Coven, which is exactly what it sounds like, the Coven hates Jeremyism but Jeremyism followers really don't mind the coven much.

Also Joel asked a guy named Jack (JackSucksAtLife on yt) if he could kill him simply cuz Jack had the most hearts on the server and ig Joel wanted to another. Jack agreed to this, and also decided once he was executed he would join Jeremysim and be renamed Jeremy, in trade for a statue of himself, a castle and diamonds.

There's also stuff they'll do to try and kill people. Like when someone made a Colosseum for ppl to fight mobs in which ofc killed several, or a parkour challenge, which also killed ppl and most recently a- well I'm not sure quite hoe to describe it but like it looks like an Christmas tree advent calendar and you pick one of the doors then you get death or something good.

If you like mcyt at all, check it out maybe! It has several ppl from minecraft championships in it

The people I personally watch are jacksucksatlife, dangthatsalongname/smajor1995, seapeekay, smallishbeans, fwip & theorionsound (the I'm not sure he really counts as he's only uploaded one, tho very chaotic, video)

Joel and fwip are both know as the builders of the server (and Scott/smajor1995 is also good at building he just is quite known for it)

As for Seapeekay/Callum and Jack, their kinda just chill? Tho can definitely be chaotic, his base is a mess and he has put several dangerous mobs in the middle of the spawn (which is you don't what spawn means its the point where when you first log onto the game you "spawn" there and on this sever everyone has built shops around)

Uh yeah I guess that's all? Thanks for asking about it! I hope I could clear some thing up so your less confused, but definitely ask more if you're still confused or just want know more about something!

[giantpredatorymollusk]

i've always been enamored of blogs that can turn deeply boring and technical topics into entertaining writing; i only really absorb humor or facts when i'm not expecting them. if i was trying to write a personal blog 10 years ago, i'd probably be attempting to copy "joel on software," e.g. its sample functional software specification:

Mike is a busy executive. He is the president of a large, important company that makes dynamite-based products for children which are sold through national chains such as Toys ‘R’ Us. During the course of a typical day, he has many meetings with many very important people. Sometimes a man comes over from the bank to harass him for not paying the interest that was due three months ago on his line of credit. Sometimes another man comes from another bank trying to get him to sign up for another line of credit. Sometimes his venture capitalists (the nice people who gave Mike the money to start his business) visit him to complain that he is earning too much money. “A bonfire!” they demand. “Wall Street likes to see a bonfire!”

These visitors are very upset if Mike has previously promised to meet with them at a certain time, but when that time comes around, Mike is nowhere to be found. This happens because Mike doesn’t know what time it is. At his secretary’s recommendation, Mike signs up for a WhatTimeIsIt.com account. Now, whenever Mike is wondering about the time, he simply logs onto WhatTimeIsIt.com, enters his username and password, and finds out the current time. He visits the site several times during the day: to find out when it’s time for lunch, to check if he’s late for the next meeting, etc. Towards the end of the day, in fact, from about 3:00 p.m. onwards, he checks the site increasingly frequently to see when it’s time to go home. By 4:45 he’s basically just hitting “Refresh” again and again.

something about that knowing, cynical style of humor has gone out of fashion since 2000 (even though venture capital mostly hasn't changed.) when i actually started trying to write blog posts for a hypothetical personal professional website, i was honestly trying to be a slightly more nonfictional @seat-safety-switch (excerpted below for reference):

All around you, corporations are snapping up the corpses of expired corporations and wearing their brands like a mask. And the rate of this happening is accelerating. Acquisition firms form, acquire, and collapse faster than ever before. By 2035, every person on Earth will need to run at least four brands and act as two Marvel superheroes, NASA is projecting.

For instance, I was the CEO of Ford two times last week, and they’re blowing up my voicemail again to get me to come in on Sunday. You would think that being the CEO would be a cool job, but it just isn’t. These accelerated corporate-collapse cycles mean that I don’t get to allocate massive R&D funding to a V-16 school bus conversion. All I do is get in, make my morning coffee, and then dash off an all-hands email telling everyone they’re fired. I have to do it from my Hotmail account, because IT can’t even set up an Exchange server that fast.

but since then i've started reading matt levine's newsletter money stuff, which is actually nonfictional:

Right now, if you go around saying “I am going to do a financial business, but I will make a point of not considering environmental, social or governance factors,” or even “I will consider ESG factors, but only to do the opposite of what those ‘woke’ ESG funds do,” people will fling money at you. You can walk into Peter Thiel’s office wearing a clown suit and say “high-frequency trading, but anti-woke,” or “payday lending, but anti-woke,” or “variable annuities, but anti-woke,” or “capped/uncapped variance swaps, but anti-woke,” or whatever, and he will write you a big check...

One subtle advantage of this business model is that a way to signal that you are authentically anti-ESG is by having bad governance, since “governance” is right there in the name of the thing you (and your investors) are against. This can work to your advantage: Bad governance tends to be bad for investors but good for entrepreneurs. (Ask Adam Neumann!) You raise a bunch of money and then spend it on yachts for yourself, and your investors say things like “well the governance of this company is pretty bad isn’t it,” and you say “exactly!” Bad governance is what they signed up for!

and now everything i've previously written seems like it's in the wrong voice slightly and looking to the future i don't know how i'm supposed to keep this thing together.

(this might be how things work for a lot of people who read a lot but haven't written much - i remember neil gaiman talking about how his very first book was just a pastiche of all of his favorite authors at the time and he's glad it never got published, plus joel of joel on software says he credits his success to college classes that made him practice writing a lot - but i happen to want to write with a consistent and coherent authorial voice without having to spend a ton of time developing it, thank you very much.)