#Jimmy Palmer imagine

[specialagentlokitty]

Jimmy Palmer x Male!reader - happy memories

So I’m looking for a Jimmy Palmer x Trans Male Reader, romantic relationship please! and could the storyline be the reader (an agent on Gibbs’ team) getting triggered whilst on a case and Jimmy realising that it’s a PTSD reaction and helping to calm the reader down? Not sure of more than that, but some fluff between the reader and Jimmy would be cool! - @the-imitation-blog 💜

(D/N) - dead name

Jimmy was busy helping Ducky when he heard you come over, crouching next to him he smiled and looked up at you as he held a coffee cup out to him.

“Thanks!” He beamed.

“None for me?” Ducky chuckled.

“Don’t worry doc I haven’t forgotten you, here’s your tea.”

Ducky took it and gave you a thankful smile as he began to fill you in on everything that he had found and you nodded along.

“Right thanks Duck, I’ll let Gibbs know.”

Getting up, you kissed Jimmy on the head before walking away to go and find your boss.

It wasn’t easy to miss him, he was standing in front of the police barricade practically shouting an argument to someone.

Walking over, you stood next to him.

“(D/N)?” Someone asked.

You didn’t respond to them and turned around to face your boss instead.

“Ducky thinks it was foul play, I think we should make this an official investigation.” You explained.

“Right, I’ll let Vance know.”

Gibbs walked away with his phone in his hands and someone grabbed your shoulder making you jump back away from them.

“Unless you want to be arrested for assaulting a federal officer I suggest you think again.” You sneered.

“(D/N) don’t you dare speak to me like that.”

“That’s not my name.” You hissed.

“It is and always will be your name!”

“No it’s not!”

The woman on the other side of the tape just scoffed at you and shook her head.

“This is just a phase, you’ll out grow it!” She yelled.

Your breathing picked up and you slowly started to back away as you realised who she was.

While backing away you bumped into someone and you looked behind you to find Tony there, he placed his hands on your arms and moved you behind him.

“I suggest you leave him alone before I personally drag you in myself!” Tony snapped.

The woman started to argue with him and you just walked away, heading to the ME van you sat there with your head in your hands trying to take deep breaths.

You thought getting into NCIS was going to get you away from all of this, but you had no clue why she was even there.

You were breathing rapidly, chest heaving as you heard your heart racing in your chest.

“Gibbs something is wrong with (Y/N)!” Ziva yelled.

Gibbs turned to you as did the rest of the team.

Jimmy started at you for a moment before he jumped up, pulling his gloves off he stuffed them into his pocket as he walked over and took your face between his hands.

You eyes started at him but there wasn’t even a flicker of recognition there.

“Breathe.” He said softly.

You took a deep breath.

“That’s it, and another?”

You did the same and he kept telling you to take deep breaths until he could feel you relax slightly and he wiped a few tears from your face with his thumbs.

“Jimmy…?” You asked.

“Yeah it’s me, come here.”

He sat next to you and pulled you into his side, letting you rest your head on his shoulder as you closed your eyes, trying to focus on calming your racing heart.

“She’s gone now, do you want to head back we’re leaving anyways.” Tony smiled.

You nodded and stood up, pulling your keys out of your pocket only to have them snatched away by Tony.

“I’ll drive, then autopsy gremlin will find you when he’s back, okay?”

You nodded and followed Tony.

The drive back was silent, he didn’t ask any questions other than wondering if you were okay.

Once you were back you sat at your desk trying to do some paperwork when a pair of hands were placed in your shoulders messaging them.

Looking up you found Jimmy smiling down at you, and you placed a hand over one of his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened back there, I just want to know if you’re okay?” He asked.

“Yeah… I’ll be okay.” You nodded.

Leaning your head back, you resting it against him as you closed your eyes and slowly breathed, the sounds of the office helping you relax, reminding you where you really were.

Jimmy smiled at you and leant down, kissing the top of your head before he carried on working all the stress out of your shoulders.

“Palmer! You should be downstairs!” Gibbs snapped.

“Sorry gibbs I’ll go now.”

Jimmy went to leave but your white knuckle grip on his hand made him stop and he turned to gibbs who looked at you before sighing.

He waved his hand, telling Jimmy he could stay there and your grip relaxed a little.

Jimmy leant down.

“I’m not going anywhere okay?” He whispered.

You nodded your head and he carried on messaging your shoulders, letting you rest your head on him as you tried to forget everything about the woman you had seen today.

All those horrible memories you didn’t want, you tried focusing on happy ones instead, and all the ones you thought off were about Jimmy. When you met him, when he asked you out, when you moved in together.

All your happy memories were him

[stanathanxoox]

Forrest of love

gif not mine

@withlove-amber asked:

What about Jimmy and Y/N's wedding day? The ceremony would be in a forest

You smiled as you made your way down the aisle, making your way towards the love of your life. When you had asked for your ceremony and the vows to be held in the middle of the forest he had agreed wholeheartedly saying that it would be truly magical and the very essence of the two of you if it was to happen that way. You beamed as you caught sight of Jimmy standing there in his navy blue suit with the orange flowers on his boutineer, you couldn’t help it, you were truly giddy. The only thing stopping you from running towards the man of your dreams was your father’s grip on your arms and everyone could see this. As you reach Jimmy’s side your father pauses and you look at him, placing a kiss on his cheek 

“I love you daddy” you whisper and he smiles

“I love you too bug” he whispers back before placing your hand in Jimmy’s

“You look after my baby girl Jimmy” your dad says and Jimmy nods his head

“Of course sir, with every part of my being” he declares and you can tell he means it, he had done everything in his power to make you happy since the two of you had meet three years ago.

Tag List: @tiva-jenry-caskett-rizzles-densi​, @jimmybpride​, @dressed-up-just-like-z1ggy​, @nikkiwierden​, @samchelforever007​, @kirkspockbones​, @xoncisxncislaxncisnolaox​, @lasalle-pride-sebastian-love​, @haliannej​, @brooklyn-99-amyxjake​​, @mizzezm​, @genius2050​, @twilight-twihard​, @cullencoven2019​, @wxlfgirlx​, @luciferxchloeislove​, @drethanramsey-ismybabe​, @sawyer-oakley-is-mighty-fine​, @loverofoneshots​, @aelin-thefirebreathingbitchqueen​​

Tag List for NCIS/NCIS NOLA: @powerpuffbubbles​, @diaryofafan17​, @thebeckyjolene​

Tag List for NCIS: @manicmarsupial​

[ncis-imagines-blog]

[aaronswifey]

How you sleep

Part 1

Criminal minds:

Aaron Hotchner:

Spencer Reid:

Derek Morgan:

Luke Alvez:

Matt Simmons:

Jennifer Jareau:

Emily Prentiss:

Tara Lewis:

Penelope Garcia:

Ncis:

Jimmy Palmer:

[writeandsurvive]

Caught in a Snow Storm ~ Alden Parker 1/2

Summary: After a work road trip, you and Alden have to stop at a hotel cause the roads are being closed and there’s only one room left.

Warnings: one bed, heater goes out, smut, age gap, smoking, handjob, oral (f receiving).

Words count: 5.2k

Author’s note: yes, despite being summer, I’m writing winter fics. I couldn’t shake this idea off my head so I finally wrote it down. Second part coming soon! Special mention to Supernatural in this work because 18 years later, I finally fell into the rabbit hole. I hope you’ll like it! ❤️

None of this was planned. Nothing happened the way it should have. The whole trip was a major waste of time, giving you zero info for your murder case and even less a lead. On top of that, a huge snow storm hit, blocking the roads and you had to stop at the first hotel you found. You usually love the snow, you find it beautiful when it’s all white outside. But this time, it was just the cherry on the cake. “Do you have everything you need for a sleepover?” You did this trip with your team leader, Alden Parker. You didn’t want to go in the first place.

The idea of being stuck in a car for almost three hours with your crush didn’t sound appealing. Not that you mind being with him, you actually love his company, love talking to him about all kinds of things, love his face when he smiles, or how his eyes are soft whenever he looks at you. You love how his mustache is dark while the rest of his beard - and hair - keeps getting whiter. But you still didn’t want to, because of what happened the week before.

Despite being cold outside, the sky was clear blue and the sun was out. You love this exact kind of weather, and ever since you found out about the roof, you enjoy going up for a break, taking some deep breaths, having a smoke and just appreciate the quiet. And that was exactly what you did. Smelling the nice scent coming from the bakery down the street, a cigarette in hand, you relaxed. You even took a couple of pictures of this nice view.

“You know,” you jumped for a second at the sound of his voice straddling you. He chuckled at your reaction. “Ever since I joined, I’ve been wondering where your secret smoking spot is.” He got closer to the ledge, taking in the view. You tried not to stare too much.

“Did you follow me here, Parker?” You puffed on your cigarette.

“Just a little at the time. Nice spot. But the cigarette—“

“I know, I don’t need the lecture. I’m not a heavy smoker, you know.” You stayed a few steps away from him, not wanting to overwhelm him with the bad smell of nicotine.

“Just when you’re overwhelmed or want to relax.”

You didn’t know what to think about the fact that he noticed all of this. And was intrigued enough that he found your secret spot. You felt all giddy, but buried it deep inside you.

“After sex, too.” As soon as it left your lips, you regretted it. Where was this coming from? Technically, it is true, you enjoy a smoke after sex, but it wasn’t something Alden Parker needed to know. You felt so horrified that you stopped looking at the man and just focused on the view and your cigarette that was coming to an end. You would probably need another one. “I shouldn’t have said that.” You managed to say.

“Yeah,” he agreed and you felt even worse. “Look, I’m not going to tell you how bad it is for you, cause I know how annoying that is—I’ve been there.” You looked at him, forgetting your embarrassment for a second. “Just that if and when you decide to try to stop, I’ll be happy to help.”

“H—how did you stop?”

“That’s actually one of the good things that came out of my marriage with Vivian. She really wanted me to stop, so we came to an agreement that everytime I needed to smoke, I’d reach out to her. I’d call if we weren’t together, or just tell her if we were, and she’d do her best to take my mind off it.”

“And it really worked?”

“After a while, yeah. It did. But also because I wanted to stop. If you don’t have that in the first place, no matter what you do, it won’t work.”

“I’ll— think about it. Thank you for offering your help.”

Your cigarette was long gone, and you put the bottom away in a little ashtray you hid.

“We’re a team.” He smiled at you. That damn smile that makes you want to reach for him and kiss him until you can’t breathe.

You went back to the bullpen together. “I do miss a good cigarette after sex though.” He just said before you left the roof.

Maybe you spent the entire week overthinking this. He obviously didn’t mind what you said, but you still felt horrified by it. Why would you say something like that to him? Clearly, he knew what that feeling was like, but it still wasn’t worth mentioning. He did agree when you said you shouldn’t have said it though. Did it make him uncomfortable? He probably doesn’t want to know anything about his coworkers sex life.

Not that you had any lately.

When you finally reached a hotel, you thought it would be it. You couldn’t wait to get into your room, lay down and relax. Probably go back down later to smoke. The ride itself wasn’t bad at all. Alden was his usual self, you two talked about many stuff in the car, some were work related and some weren’t. At some point, it felt like he was trying to know you better than he already did. After all, you’ve been working together for just a year, and it’s not like you two spend a lot of alone time together.

“I’m sorry we’re booked.” The receptionist started to say, and you sighed heavily. “Lots of people decided to stop when they announced the storm coming up. All we have left is a suite.” You and Alden looked at each other.

“It’s either that or the car.” He said.

“Fine. But accounting better not give us hell for that.”

“Is this a work trip?” The lady asked, surprising both of you.

“Yeah, why?” Alden asked.

“Because that suite—only has one bed.”

“Fuck me.” You muttered a bit too loud. But Alden agreed for the room.

“We’re adults.” He said in the elevator. “We’ll build a pillow wall if it makes you feel better.”

“Sure. Adults and pillow walls really fit together.” You rolled your eyes. Alden chuckled.

“Have you ever slept in the same bed as a friend or something?”

“Yeah, of course. But it’s different.”

The elevator’s doors opened and Alden walked out first. “If it really grosses you out to share a bed with me, I’ll sleep on the floor, Y/N.”

You usually love when he says your name, but not this time. You could tell by his tone that you upset him. Hurt him, maybe? But wasn’t it better that he thought something like that than know the truth? That you didn’t want to share a bed because you were scared of what it may do to you. You followed him into the suite. It was very beautiful, spacious, and kinda—romantic. Not helping.

“That’s not what I meant, Alden.” He put his backpack down.

“I saw a little store down the street, I’m gonna go buy a few things.” He walked past you to reach for the door again. “Do you need anything?” He still asked.

“A pack of cigarettes?” You heard his quiet growl.

“I was thinking more like some food? Hygiene products? PJs?”

“Do you really think they are selling PJs in that mini store?”

“I’m hoping. Sleeping on the floor is one thing, but sleeping on the floor in my suit? I’d rather not.”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor.” You told him.

“Are you?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah right.”

You knew he wanted to ask you why it was different with him. Why did you seem so repulsed by the idea of sharing a bed?

“I’ve got everything I need, thanks.”

Alden nodded and left.

This would be alright, yes? It was just one night. The bed was big enough for you two, you wouldn’t need a pillow wall. You just hoped his scent wouldn’t drive you crazy, that his body heat wouldn’t warm your insides.

While Alden was gone, you called McGee to give them updates - not that you had much - and listen to theirs. You exchanged a few theories about the case. And finally told him that you’ve found a hotel to spend the night. “Where’s Parker?”

“He needed a few things for a store downstairs. How are the roads in DC?”

“Not too bad yet, but we’re all heading back home before we have to sleep in the office.”

“Lucky you.”

“Be safe and stay warm.”

“Not too warm though.” You overheard Nick. The team knew about your crush on Alden. They all figured you out little by little.

“Tell him he’s a dead man.”

“She’s going to kill you.” Tim said to Nick, laughing.

“Love you too!” Nick shouted.

You were still working on your computer when Alden came back from his little trip. You immediately noticed the snow all over his dark coat, his hair was wet, and he looked absolutely frozen. “It’s getting bad.” You stood up to take a quick look through the window. Everything was covered in snow and the night was dropping. “The store owner told me that a neighborhood close by lost power. We may be next.”

“Wonderful.”

As Alden took his coat and jacket off, you went to grab a towel from the bathroom and offered it to him. “For your hair.”

“Thank you.” He dried off his hair, and sat on bed to take off his wet socks. He looked at you puzzled when you extended your hand.

“It’s just socks. They need to dry.”

You disappeared in the bathroom to put them on the tower heater, while it still worked. When you came back, Alden was sitting on the bed in his white undershirt, his belt was unbuckled. You forced yourself not to stare. “We can eat downstairs but I don’t feel like moving just yet. You can if you want to be alone.”

“Not hungry for now. You should take a shower while there’s still hot water, that’ll warm you up. I put a towel on the heater.”

You could feel his eyes on you even though you had your back turned to him. “Thank you.” And he was gone to the bathroom.

This was going to be alright.

You took a look in the bags he brought back. Was this considered sneaking? He didn’t say anything about it being private, and you could see a bag of chips on top anyways. And you found mostly snacks, a bag of your favorites. There was your favorite kind of tea, and some coffee powder. And obviously, a box of pastries. You smiled at that. If Alden doesn’t find his way to pastries, pastries will find their way to him.

Then you grabbed the hotel menu, looking at what could interest you. Unlike you told Alden, you were hungry, you just didn’t want to eat alone. And you wanted to make up to him for hurting his feelings earlier.

He came back from the bathroom, wearing some night shorts, his white t-shirt and a black zipper on top. His hair was still a little wet, and messy. You’ve never seen his beautiful hair like this and you loved it even more. Alden looked so casual, and cozy, you realized this was what it’d be like to date the man. This could be one of your daily views, if only— if only.

You were on the bed, scrolling on your phone, your legs under the blanket as it was getting a bit colder. “You should go too.” He told you, and you agreed. Walking past him as he smelled fresh from the shower turned your upside down. You hurried to the bathroom and locked up. A cold shower was more needed than a hot one. You almost gave up to your urges in the shower and touched yourself, but your embarrassment afterwards would be written all over your face, and Alden could read you very easily.

You needed to smoke.

“You were looking at the menu. Do you want to order something?”

“Do you?”

You definitely noticed how Alden looked at you from head to toes, even though there was nothing to see. You were wearing an oversized hoodie that you always have with you during winter, and your work pants. “I don’t have shorts like yours or anything similar.” You answered his silent question.

“Get under the blanket and take them off. I’m staying here for now anyway.”

You did as told, because you honestly wanted those pants off. Alden stayed seated at the little table. “So, food?”

“The grilled cheese sounds good.”

“Drink? I got you some tea for later, but you already saw that.”

It was the first time since you got the room that you and Alden actually looked at each other. You could tell he was teasing you for looking into the bags, so you smiled. “My favorite. Thank you by the way.”

You gave Alden your full order and he called the reception, who informed him about the heating system issue. The room temperature was clearly dropping. You pulled on your sleeves to cover your hands, and put the hood on. “We can get an extra blanket, or hang out around their chimney.”

“I’d rather stay here for now. And get your ass under the blanket too.”

“I’m good.”

“For the love of god, Alden! I’m not grossed out by the idea of sharing a bed with you! Or anything like that for that matter.”

“No, I know. I get it. I’m your team leader, I’m quite older than you. It’s not very comfortable, like sleeping with your weird uncle or something.”

You laughed, but Alden looked serious.

“You’re definitely not the weird uncle.”

“Yeah, tell that to my nieces and nephews.”

“I’d rather trust Eli.” You smiled and he returned it. You and the team learned about Alden’s godson only recently. You’ve met his former FBI partner, Jeremy, who talked about his son Eli, and how much he loved his godfather. You had no doubt believing that Alden was a loving godfather, who took his role very seriously. And you loved that about him. “Get under the blanket, Parker.” You said again, and this time he did. He stayed very much on his side though, a huge gap between your body and his. “Plug your phone before the power goes out.” He said, plugging his own.

As you left the bed to grab your phone charger - and computer - you forgot that you had no pants on. It didn’t even occur to you when you slightly bent over to get it from your bag. It was only when you walked back to the bed, and saw how red Alden’s cheeks were that you realized. You basically jumped under the blanket, mortified. “I’m sorry! I completely forgot—sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He cleared his throat. “No worries.”

“Let’s agree that if either of us does something that makes the other uncomfortable, we can just say it. Yeah?”

“Deal.”

How could you look him in the eyes now?

Both of you on your side of the bed, focusing on your phones, the room became totally quiet. You didn’t know what was more uncomfortable, the fact that you just saw your panties, and that you’re both so ill at ease, you can’t even talk, creating this awful atmosphere.

Finally, your order came in. You obviously decided to eat on the bed, the blanket covering you as much as possible. “I can put up something on my laptop if you want.” You offered.

“Yeah, why not.”

You gave him a few options as he settled the food.

“What’s Supernatural?”

“Seriously? Dean and Sam Winchester, chasing demons and all kinds of creatures?”

“That sounds—“

“Like what we’re watching. Sit.”

And you did just that. Eat dinner in bed, covered by a comfy blanket, watching the first episode of Supernatural… with your team leader. Your crush. The guy who’s much older than you.

You didn’t know who was the most surprised by how Alden got into it. He was asking you a bunch of questions, some that you couldn’t answer without spoiling. “Just because it’s not that bad, doesn’t mean I’ll binge the whole thing. Don’t care about the spoilers.”

“I do. So, if you want to know what killed the boys’ mom, just watch it.”

Alden was leaning against the headboard, an arm behind his head. He looked even more cozy than he did earlier. You could so easily lay down on his chest, and cuddle as you watch the show. “Maybe I should go down and get that extra blanket.” He said at the end of the episode.

“I will go. I’m gonna smoke.”

“I didn’t buy you a pack.”

“Always have a few with me. Do you think you can avoid freezing to death for ten minutes?”

“You’re the one going outside. Wouldn’t you prefer to stay warm here and talk to me?” He offered. How he managed to stop smoking. “We can watch another ep, if you want.”

“You’re hooked.” You grinned.

Alden turned on his side, leaning a little closer to you. “Well it’s always nice to know how to defend myself if I ever encounter a demon.”

“Or a vampire, or a werewolf, or a rougarou.”

“What the hell is a rougarou?” He laughed.

“Binge. The. Show.” At every word, you got closer to Alden. So close your forehead almost brushed his. A little more and you could’ve kissed the man. And it obviously took both of you by surprise.

“I’ll go get the blanket. Be back in a few.” He was gone before you could say anything.

By the time he came back, you had cleared the bed from the plates and food, made sure that there were no crumbs or anything in the sheets, put his water bottle on his nightstand, and waited. The extra blanket looked fluffy and pretty warm, and Alden couldn’t wait to get under. “It’s freezing in those damn hallways.”

You grabbed the blanket from his arms and set it just right on the bed. You took your computer, settling it between your hips and Alden’s, maybe it acted as a barrier. “You’re cold.” You could feel his coldness despite the gap.

“You think?” His vest was close up to the top, and he put his hood on just like you. Without thinking further, you reached out for one of his hands. It was frozen.

“Gimme the other one.” Puzzled, he gave you his hands. You put them in the big pocket of your sweater, and covered them with yours. His hands were much bigger than yours but you didn’t care. You moved your fingers on his skin, putting a bit of pressure to get the blood flooding properly.

“Do you have another pocket for my feet?” He asked as you felt his legs getting closer.

“I swear if you put your cold feet on my legs, I’ll scream.”

In the pocket where the four hands were, you didn’t know who was trying to warm who. They were mixed together, you could feel his fingers moving against your palm and wrist. Alden chuckled, his legs got even closer.

“Parker, I have a gun.”

“So do I. And I’m a better shooter.”

“We’re 1 to 1, so no, you are not.”

You and Alden went to the shooting range a couple of times. It started with a little teasing about your aim after a case, and it turned into a competition. Whoever wins the next round has to invite the other for dinner. His idea.

Did it mean something?

“When this case is over, we’re doing the last round. I can’t wait for my free dinner.”

“Be careful. I could take you to the worst and cheapest restaurant ever.”

“In that case—“

Before you knew it, Alden’s legs were intertwined with yours. His feet were pressed against your calves, and your body got much closer to his. You let out a small scream of surprise before trying to fight him off. But his hands had left your pocket to lock you down. To be honest, with your training, you could get out of his hold but he wanted to play, so you were going to indulge. He was holding you so tight that your hands were stuck in your pocket. You tried to sneak your way out, until you both heard a thump. “Was that my laptop?” You asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“If it’s broken, you’ll explain to accounting why I need a new one.” You lifted your head to look at him. “Shouldn’t be too hard for you.”

“Why’s that?”

“According to the rumors, you dated—“

“Come on. Don’t tell me you believe those rumors?”

“Well, they are around your age, some are single. And Kathy is very beautiful.”

You felt his hold loosen a little but honestly, you didn’t want him to let go of you. You wanted to stay there for as long as possible. He smelled so good, his body felt perfect against yours. Being this close to him felt—right.

“Mmm… that’s true, she is. Do you think I have a chance with her?”

You forced yourself to smile. “Of course you do. You’re clever, handsome, sweet, funny, passionate. And you have the best head of hair ever.”

He laughed at that. From where you were, you saw his throat bobbing. His Adam’s apple was so close, all you wanted was to kiss it. His laugh was the best sound you’ve heard, and it was even better when you were the reason he was laughing.

“I figured you loved my hair when a month after I joined the team, you accidentally touched it.”

“It was an accident, Alden! I was reaching for the file and your head was on the way!”

“Sure it was. I have such a big head.”

“Aldeeeen!” You whined and somehow your face buried itself in his neck. “I swear I didn’t—“

“I’m just teasing you.” He chuckled.

Realizing that you were basically cuddling the man, you were ready to move away and get some much needed distance. Especially that Alden’s released the last bit of pressure they had on you. But before you could move even just a little, his arms closed again. This time, he wasn’t locking you down. He was hugging you. Cuddling you.

“We should stay like this if we don’t want to freeze to death. Unless it makes you uncomfortable—“

“I’m good.” You immediately said. You didn’t want to move. Not now, not ever. “You’re lucky your feet are warm now.”

“Thanks to you.”

After a long moment and an internal debat, you moved your arms to hold him back. You felt his body relaxing entirely, and yours did the same. And you stayed like long enough that you both fell asleep.

Three hours later, you woke up. You and Alden were practically in the same position, except that he rolled a bit of his back, and one of his hands was dangerously close to your butt.

Your skin was damped. You were hot and sweating. Pulling the blankets just a little, you realized that the room wasn’t cold anymore. As slowly and quietly as possible, you moved out of Alden’s arms and left the bed. The heater was working very well, your hoodie wasn’t needed anymore so you got rid of it, as well as your socks. You were now in a tank top and panties, but couldn’t bring yourself to care. Especially not after what happened earlier.

You removed the extra blanket as gently as you could so Alden wouldn’t wake up. Then, you crawled back in bed, stared at his beautiful and peaceful face before slowly opening the zipper of his vest. You were halfway through it when his body moved and you felt his eyes on you. “The heating system got fixed. You should take it off.”

“You were doing a great job.” He sleepily said. You opened the vest entirely, and tried to remove it from one of his arms.

“A little help, Alden?”

Half asleep, he sat up and put his arms in the air like a toddler wanting to be undressed. You quietly laughed and undressed him, almost straddling his lap. It surprised you when he got rid of his t-shirt too before laying back down, taking you with him.

Alden was shirtless. You could feel him, you could touch his chest if you were bold enough. You wanted to turn on the lights and see his body, admire it, imprint in your brain forever. You were about to relax and just enjoy this moment, but it was when he let go of you and practically turned on the other side. “Oh” left your lips as it surprised you, confused you and kinda hurt you.

“Male body reaction.” You heard him say. “It’s better I stay on my side.”

It took you a couple of seconds to understand. “What if I don’t want you to stay on your side?” You whispered and moved closer. You didn’t know what had gotten into you at this moment. Maybe you were going to die of embarrassment, maybe you’d have to quit your job in the morning. Or maybe—

You were now spooning Alden. “Remember our agreement? If one of us does something that makes the other un—“

“Yeah.” He cut you off.

Slowly, you ran your hand from bare back to his chest. He started to breathe heavily. You loved the hair that was there. You touched his pecs, his tummy, making him growl, and reached the waistband of his shorts. You softly kissed his shoulder and Alden melted. His hand went up and down your forearm that was around him. “I need you to agree to this, Alden.” You whispered into his ear, “Don’t want to take advantage of sleepy you.” You planted a kiss under his ear.

“I’m very much awake, sweetheart.” His head leaned back into you. “You can do anything to me.”

When was the last time someone took care of this man?

Your hand finally got into his shorts. You had barely touched his length that he moaned. When your hand wrapped around his cock, you didn’t expect it to be this thick. You got even wetter than you already were. You collected his pre cum on the tip, and used it to start stroking. “Fuck!” He growled deeply. He completely leaned into you, his hand reaching for your hair, neck, face. He was needy and you loved it. You freed his cock from the shorts and stroked him slowly, putting just enough pressure. You kissed his cheek, nipped his ear. You were able to move your other arm under his head, which allowed him to touch his chest. Between the noises he was making, you could tell he wanted to talk, he wanted to say something but everything died on his tongue. “Kiss me.” Was all he could say as he turned his face and you did. All teeth and tongue, all needy and desperate. Alden was now on his back, his hips moving. You weren’t sure if you were giving him a handjob or if he was fucking your hand. That you cared.

“I’m gonna—“ he choked and growled.

You kissed his cheek and whispered to his ear again. “Cum for me, Alden. I’ve got you.” A few more sloppy strokes and he was coming all over his stomach, your name dying on his lips along curse words, his fist holding onto your hair for dear life - it stung a little but you loved it.

You watched him coming down from his high, playing with his hair. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he was catching his breath. The post orgasm bliss on his face. You kissed his cheek, “I’ll go get a towel.”

When you came back, Alden had turned the nightstand light on, and he looked absolutely perfect. Naked, satisfied, relaxed… the best version of Alden Parker you’ve ever seen until now.

He tried to reach for the towel but you slapped his hand away, and cleaned the sticky mess on his stomach. As soon as you were done, Alden grabbed you and pinned you on the bed, his body covering yours. “I think we can say that our platonic work relationship is ruined.” His eyes moved from your eyes to your lips.

“How terrible.” You grinned and he kissed you. You’ve been in control so far, but you knew at this moment that he was taking over.

“I’m not sure how I got you to be interested in me, but I’ll take it.” He lifted your tank top a little and went down to kiss your stomach.

“You’re the only one who didn’t know I’ve had a crush on you for months.” Your body shivered under his touch.

“I may have noticed a few things—“ he took your top off of you and admired your breasts before touching them, kissing them, playing with your nipples. “But it seemed impossible.” He kept touching your tits as he got back up to kiss you. You buried your hands in his hair, and wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Why? Because you’re older?”

“For starters.” He kissed you one more time before getting on his knees. He slowly took off your panties while staring deep in your eyes.

“I don’t give a fuck about your age.” He looked at your panties, smelled them before throwing them away. You practically moaned at his actions.

“You should, babydoll.”

He settled between your legs, kissed your inner thigh, bit a little, and gently touched your pussy, looking at it so hungrily.

“Well if you don’t fuck me properly, I just might.” You teased, trying not to lose your mind over having him down there.

“As much as I want to, I’m not going to fuck you tonight, unless you got a condom hidden in your bag.”

“For fuck sakes!” You shouted.

“Sorry, doll. But I’m going to make you cum.”

And he finally dived in. He inhaled your scent deeply, before putting his month where you needed him the most. Alden knew what to do, when to do it. He ate you like a starving man. Making you moan loudly. You felt his index finger penetrating you, and another finger as his month kept playing with your clit. It didn’t take long before that amazing and familiar feeling appeared. One of your hands was in his hair, while he was holding the other with his free hand. Your legs around his neck could’ve suffocated him but you didn’t care and neither did he.

“I want to taste all of you, doll. Cum with my mouth.” He encouraged you. “I’ve got you.” He repeated your words. And you didn’t need more.

After cleaning you with the towel, Alden held you as you were catching your breath. Kissing your hair, he gently stroked your back. You both enjoyed this moment, this position, this tenderness. You didn’t know what tomorrow would be like, or even what this all meant.

Neither of you dared to ask.

[silverstar70]

Fandom: NCIS Character: Alden Parker

Author's note: This is my first fanfiction ever, so please be kind. English isn't my first language so I apologize for any mistake. I was rewatching 20x14. I loved the episode but felt like something was missing. So here it is. Hope you like it!

Make things right

At the ding of the elevator, the team turned in that direction and saw Parker with three boxes of pizza. He walked in silence through the squadroom, no meeting the team’s eyes all pointed on him.

“I wanted to apologize” Parker said quietly, still not looking at them “I know these aren’t the picarones, but I hoped it would work anyway.”

The team, Jimmy and Kasie included, were still at the office to help McGee with the mission reports and thought that Parker went home so it took them by surprise seeing their boss standing there, quiet and vulnerable.

“Depends.” Torres was the first to break the silence “Did you get the pepperoni one?”

“And double cheese”

They ate all together without much of a talking and finished all the reports in record time. Parker was happy with this team, his new team. It was never like that at the FBI and after Jeremy he always preferred to work alone, only occasionally he worked with Fornell, he was a good friend. He knew what happened that night and helped him to move on.

He didn’t know what it would have happened if it wasn’t for Fornell. Right after the accident, he started drinking more than he should, it was the only thing that helped him not to think. He was angry at the world, but especially at himself for not covering his best friend's back.

Fornell arrived at the right time, helped him deal with it. He couldn't forget that night, but he couldn’t let Wills wins again and ruin his career. So, thanks to Tobias, he got back on his tracks and tried his best to learn to live with the guilt. Things went fine for a while, he started living again but as much as he tried, the guilt was still there. Not even Jaremy was able to redeem him from that feeling.

The NCIS assignment came as a fresh start. For the first time since the accident, he loved being in a team again. This team wasn't like the others, and he knew it right away from the loyalty they showed to Gibbs. Loyalties that they had also shown to him by helping him with the Raven's case. He hated himself for the way he had behaved towards them, for yelling at them and for running away from the crime scene without explanation.

Jeremy was right: the team had changed him. They had accepted him as one of the family and, with a little effort at first, he had earned their respect and trust. Now he was no longer just the boss, but also a friend to be counted on and he was proud. He was proud of this team and lucky to be a part of it.

Sat between Jess and McGee’s desks, they finished the pizza doing small talks and soon it was time to go home but Parker needed to make things right with them first.

“I wasn’t completely honest with you, guys. And I own you an explanation.”

“You don’t own us anything, Parker. We’re just happy that things ended well” McGee spoke for everyone, while the rest sat in silence looking at them.

“No, I do. I shouldn't have raised my voice at any of you," addressing Jimmy and Kasie in particular "I was mad, and I took all my anger out on you. You didn't deserve it. This story has haunted me for years and I've never been able to put an end to it and move on. When we found those pills, all the anger I thought I had buried came back and hit me like a train."

He paused for a moment, collecting his thought. They were family, they should know the truth, but it was harder than he thought. What if they’ll think less of him? What if he’ll lose their respect? No, he knew them better than that, but after all he wasn’t Gibbs. They didn’t own him anything.

“Parker, we get it. We would have reacted the same way, we just wished you told us” Jess reassured him. In that moment he blurred out the truth about that night.

“It was my bullet who hit Jaremy’s back.”

The team stood there in shock, looking at their boss in disbelieves, exchanging looks. Seconds passed and no one said anything, Parker was looking down at his hands in shame. He felt embarrassed and scared. After years he founded joy in working in a team once again, a new family, who respected him and trusted him with their life, and now he’ll lose everything because who would trust a boss who might shoot in you back during a raid? But he was wrong, so wrong.

“We have read the report. We know what happened that night, Parker.” McGee said to him, receiving a questioning look from Parker “I mean, we didn’t know this. We know what Jaremy told us. It was a hell, pure fog of war stuff. But, Alden, it wasn’t your fault. Certainly, Jaremy doesn’t think it is and neither do we.”

“We trust you Parker” added Torres.

“We’ll watch your back, and you’ll watch ours” confirmed Jess, while Kasie went to hug him in comfort. He embraced her tight, and a tear fell on his cheek. He wasn’t expecting all this support, but he was glad he was a part of this special team. When he loosed the hug, Kasie stood beside him to show him all her support.

“Thanks guys. You have no idea how much this means to me. I know I am not Gibbs, but I really appreciate your loyalty.”

“You’re right, you’re not Gibbs” Jimmy finally speaks and all turn towards him “But he’s not here now. You are. We’re loyal to you and I am sure it’s what he would want. No one gets left behind”

“Thank you, Jimmy.”

And with that all of them get ready to leave and go home to try to get some sleep. All together walked to the elevators and get inside.

“We still want the picarones tomorrow, though” Torres said before the doors closed and they all laughed.

[tumbleweed-palmer]

Bad Imagines: Jimmy takes you on a first date to a Waffle House and gets stabbed when he complains that his eggs are runny. It was a rookie mistake.

[thecrimefiles]

Silver Fox

Author: The Crime Files

Summary: The team, including Parker, find out about your little crush on him.

Main character(s): Alden Parker, Timothy McGee, Nick Torres and Jimmy Palmer

Notes: This my first time writing for Alden Parker so, hopefully it’s okay and you guys like it!

The familiar ding! of the elevator echos throughout the bullpen as you familiarise yourself with the case, trying to find a correlation amidst all the evidence. Perplexed by the witness’s statement, you decide to seek clarification from the senior field agent but with your attention firmly fixed on the file in your hands, you end up walking directly into Alden Parker, the newest addition to the team.

“I-I’m sorry, sir.”

“Don’t be,” he says with a kind-hearted smile. “Flores de hojaldre? It’s a Spanish specialty, translates to ‘flowers of puff pastry’.” He explains, offering you the box filled with the international pastries.

“Thank you, sir.” You accept his generous offer with a sweet smile before remembering your former boss, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and his intense dislike of the use of the word ‘sir’. “I mean, Parker… uh, Agent Parker.”

“You can call me ‘sir’, doesn’t bother me. In fact... I kinda like it.”

His green-tinted eyes, infused with warm golden hues, linger on yours as the ghost of a smirk begins to frame his handsome features, almost hidden beneath the darkened moustache. The intense gaze, along with his playful confession, prompts a subtle shade of vibrant crimson to colour your cheeks before watching him make his way towards Director Vance’s office. As he disappears up the flight of stairs, McGee and Torres turn their attention towards you as they share a knowing glance.

“What,” you ask.

“You've got a crush on the new guy,” teases Torres.

“Just like you did with Gibbs,” adds McGee.

“I... oh my god, is it that obvious?” They both nod, attempting to suppress their laughter.

“Didn’t know you had a type,” McGee continues. “Who’s next, Fornell?” His mischievous smirk grows wider as you hide your face behind your hands, a muffled groan falling from your lips.

“So,” probes Torres. “Why Parker?”

“I don’t know... I mean, he’s smart, he’s got a good sense of humour, he’s sweet...” you gesture to the pastry still in your hand. “Not to mention-”

“He’s old,” interrupts Torres.

“He’s not-”

“Who’s old?”

The familiar voice echoes from behind you as you turn your attention towards the man in question, “Uh, n-no one.” Glaring at the pair of agents, you take a bite of the pastry as Parker watches you, aware of the sudden tension.

“Okay,” he drags the word out awkwardly. “Back to the case... McGee, where are we on our missing naval officer?”

“I’ve put out a BOLO on his car, still waiting to get a hit.”

“Torres?”

“Forensics are running the trace evidence as we speak.”

“Okay, keep me posted. You,” the former FBI agent turns to you before beckoning you to follow him with his index finger. “You’re coming with me.”

“Where are we going?”

“To see Jimmy, hopefully he’s got some answers for us.”

-

Aware of the intimate proximity between Parker and yourself, you allow your attention to focus on the luminescent glow of the buttons as the soft hum of the elevator dominates the silence.

“So,” Parker turns to you with a soft smile. “You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“Uh... no, sir?” After a moment, a quiet sigh falls from your lips. “How much of that conversation did you actually hear?”

“Not a whole lot but, uh...” the thought ruminating in his mind elicits a quiet chuckle. “This older gentleman, he must be a lucky man.” Something in his voice catches your attention as you slowly turn towards him, meeting his curious gaze.

“It’s you... Alden.” The sound of his name dripping from your lips like sweet honey catches him by surprise, more than the confession itself, as his charming smile grows wider.

“Didn’t know you were interested in older men... in me.” He says, taking a step towards you.

“Alden,” his gaze lingers on your lips for a brief moment as your tongue glides across the soft flesh before the doors of the elevator open, revealing a very excited Dr. Palmer.

“Agent Parker, Agent...” his voice trails off as he glances between the two of you. “I-I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?”

To be continued...

[thestarwarslesbian]

NCIS Headcannon (1)

Jimmy Palmer is the gossip man.

Everyone talks to him about anything and for advice. They know he doesn’t have people to talk to about it. BUT what they don’t know about is his series of diaries with anything the others have ever told him full of blackmail and things he wants to remember.

I can imagine that Jimmy has a photographic memory and pretends like he forgot and just has them written down for other peoples use.

I can picture Ducky walking in when Jimmy is updating the book and that would cause Ducky to give Palmer info on the others due to him also wanting all the blackmail.

Here’s a funny thing I did for it:

Gibbs: DiNozzo, tell me something. Tony: Palmer and Ducky once did an autopsy on a suspect when they were both extremely hungover, after having gone drinking with a navel aviator until 2 that morning. Jimmy, while walking by: Tony, kissed a photo of Gibbs when he was drunk because he thought that it was actually a photo of Ziva.

[ncisfranchise-source]

With only a few weeks gone by since NCIS’ Season 21 finale aired — and with Season 22 more than three months away! — fans of the long-running CBS drama still are fretting over the career decision that Special Agent Jessica Knight (played by Katrina Law) made, as a crestfallen Jimmy (Brian Dietzen) looked on.

As a supplement to what Law herself already shared with TVLine, we now present co-showrunner Steve D. Binder’s detailed insight on Knight’s Season 22 fate, as well as the blast from Special Agent Alden Parker’s (Gary Cole) past that got teased in the same finale.

TVLINE | What is Katrina Law’s status for Season 22? What are you saying? Well, you know, we’ve set something up there, and I will point you toward our track record where “You never know.” We’ve had people look like they were going away and then it’s found out they weren’t going away, and then people who just disappear like Gibbs..

We’re really trying to follow what I call “the Tony DiNozzo departure” where, in his case he actually did leave the show, but you ask yourself, “What would it take to get a certain character away?” In the case of Tony DiNozzo, we thought he wouldn’t be going anywhere — except for a child, and suddenly that’s the motive that would make him leave. And to get [Knight] to leave this team, it’s a combination of a thing that she had applied for and wanted to do — she’s talked about the plan with her father — and then having this relationship with Jimmy where suddenly things are in flux in a way that it makes it easier for her to say goodbye.

So, I will say this. We do aim to please, and we think the audience will be satisfied with where they see this go. Sometimes that satisfaction is bittersweet and sometimes it’s just pure joy. You’ll have to wait to find out which one it’s going to be.

TVLINE | In Jessica’s last interaction with Jimmy before giving Vance her answer, she told him she realized that he had a point. What specific point of his was she conceding? I think that with their relationship, you have to imagine there’s a lot more to it that we’re not seeing on the screen. And then I go back to this setup where [the relationship] is working but are they going to get married? They’re old enough now where they’re not just hanging around having fun. Jimmy’s a parent and he was married and that’s the sort of relationship he’s looking for. But is that the sort of relationship that she’s looking for? And are they going to move forward that way? If they’re not going to move forward that way, then maybe they should end it, and I think that’s kind of what she’s leaning into. “If Jimmy doesn’t think we’re going to go forward, then maybe it’s time just to end it.”

TVLINE | Talk about the decision to end the season with her answer to Vance, instead of her about to give her answer. So, that was an ongoing conversation — and I don’t know that we pleased everyone on that conversation. If we had ended it with, “What’s it going to be?,” that felt artificial to those of us who won the debate. That’s what we’re going to hang our hat on? “Is she going to leave or not?” And if doesn’t leave, it’s going to seem like we cheated in a way. It seemed more mature and more honest to take that next step and let the audience be pining for, “What’s this look like now?” instead of “What’s it going to be?” We want people to be wondering, “What’s next year going to look like?” as opposed to, “Is she leaving or not?”

TVLINE | Indeed, the more interesting question is, what if she doesn’t actually leave? What would make that happen? Or maybe she leaves for a bit and comes back, because, “You know what? I’m so damn in love with you, Jimmy Palmer!” Yeah. Well, people [on NCIS] can leave for a little while, too….

TVLINE | And that gives you a chance to bring in an interim agent, or make that sunlight-craving guy from the basement a probie. Right, right. We sent Michael Weatherly away for a little while, when [Tony] was an agent afloat [at the start of Season 6].

TVLINE | Turning to Parker: This “Lily” person that he both hallucinated and had a memory of while wounded aboard the ship, do we have enough information to surmise what that was all about? Well, we [the writers] do, but the audience definitely doesn’t. No, there are some things [to be revealed] that will be more meaningful after the fact once you look back, some little things that are planned. But there is nothing that you’d be able to put together with what you’ve been shown so far.

TVLINE | Lastly, do you think that NCIS at some point next season might tease or set up in a way the Tony/Ziva spinoff [which begins filming this summer in Europe]? You know, that’s been a long-running creative process, going through several incarnations of things…. Let’s put it this way, I would love to. I would love to do that, and I don’t speak for Michael [Weatherly], but I have a feeling Michael would be up for anything like that. So, we’re all for it.

One thing that’s nice about [NCIS:] Origins [the other upcoming, “Young Gibbs” spinoff] is that it takes place in a different time period, so you’d need to get a little more creative if you want something to cross over from one episode to another. But that would be super-fun, too.

So, I’m absolutely open to any ideas anybody has. They are totally welcome to show them to me and see what we can come up with.

TVLINE | Or, I’ve been thinking, between Cote [de Pablo]’s final [Season 17] appearance and Michael’s recent [Season 21] cameo, that’s your setup right there. That’s certainly a jumping off point that can be used, if that’s what you’re referring to, like the way it starts. But we might be able to do a little more than that.

[therecordchanger62279]

THE BEST WRITTEN SONGS OF ALL-TIME

     Because I have zero innate musical ability, the idea that someone can sit down with a musical instrument, and create an original song out of thin air is magic to me. Songwriting is a craft, but it’s inspiration that makes a good song into a great one. There are songwriters who seem able to turn out high quality songs in perpetuity. There are others who write maybe one or two great songs, and are never heard from again. So, I made a list of what I think are the 50 best written songs I’ve ever heard. These are in no particular order. I’ve listed the title followed by the songwriter or songwriters, and in parentheses is the performer I most enjoy hearing do the song – although most of these songs have been recorded countless times by a variety of artists. You can probably find all of these on YouTube or any of the streaming services. Most have lyrics, but some do not. But, it’s hard for me to imagine any of these songs being recorded by anyone with talent, and not retaining the brilliance with which the song was written.

Claire de Lune by Claude Debussy (Eugene Ormandy & The Philadelphia Orchestra)

Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin (Zubin Mehta & The New York Philharmonic, Gary Graffman, piano)

A Change Is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke (Sam Cooke)

Coal Miner’s Daughter by Loretta Lynn (Loretta Lynn)

Hello Walls by Willie Nelson (Faron Young)

I Left My Heart In San Francisco by George Cory and Douglass Cross (Tony Bennett)

God Bless The Child by Arthur Herzog, Jr. and Billie Holiday (Billie Holiday)

Eleanor Rigby by Paul McCartney and John Lennon (The Beatles)

Blind Willie McTell by Bob Dylan (Bob Dylan)

A Remark You Made by Wayne Shorter (Weather Report)

She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel (Billy Joel)

Roll Me Away by Bob Seger (Bob Seger)

Margie’s At the Lincoln Park Inn by Tom T. Hall (Bobby Bare)

Angel From Montgomery by John Prine (Bonnie Raitt and John Prine)

Rainy Night in Georgia by Tony Joe White (Brook Benton)

You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry (Chuck Berry)

Where or When by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart (Dion and The Belmonts)

American Pie by Don McLean (Don McLean)

It Was a Very Good Year by Ervin Drake (Frank Sinatra)

Gentle On My Mind by John Hartford (Glen Campbell)

Early Morning Rain by Gordon Lightfoot (Gordon Lightfoot)

Book of Rules by Harry Johnson and Barry Llewellyn (The Heptones)

Highwayman by Jimmy Webb (The Highwaymen)

American Music by Ian Hunter (Ian Hunter & Mick Ronson)

That’s Entertainment by Paul Weller (The Jam)

Song of Bernadette by Leonard Cohen (Jennifer Warnes)

Jazzman by Carole King and David Palmer (Carole King)

Talking Back to The Night by Steve Winwood and Will Jennings (Steve Winwood)

My Favorite Things by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II (John Coltrane)

Don’t It Make You Want to Go Home by Joe South (Joe South)

Sunday Mornin’ Comin’ Down by Kris Kristofferson (Kris Kristofferson)

Heart Like a Wheel by Anna McGarrigle (Linda Ronstadt)

I Am a Town by Mary-Chapin Carpenter (Mary-Chapin Carpenter)

Footprints by Wayne Shorter (Miles Davis Quintet)

Pleasant Valley Sunday by Gerry Goffin and Carole King (The Monkees)

This Old Town by Jon Vezner and Janis Ian (Nanci Griffith)

Brooklyn Roads by Neil Diamond (Neil Diamond)

Thrasher by Neil Young (Neil Young & Crazy Horse)

Box of Rain by Robert Hunter and Phil Lesh (Grateful Dead)

Is That All There Is? By Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller (Peggy Lee)

Louisiana 1927 by Randy Newman (Randy Newman)

King of the Road by Roger Miller (Roger Miller)

America by Paul Simon (Simon & Garfunkel)

The Sound of Silence by Paul Simon (Simon & Garfunkel)

Children’s Crusade by Sting (Sting)

My Girl by Smokey Robinson and Ronald White (The Temptations)

Green, Green Grass of Home by Claude “Curly” Putnam, Jr. (Tom Jones)

Downtown Train by Tom Waits (Tom Waits)

The Whole of The Moon by Mike Scott (The Waterboys)

My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys by Sharon Vaughn (Willie Nelson)

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

To clarify: This is not a case of both universes existing simultaneously. This is an inexplicably-dropped-into-an-entirely-different-universe crossover.

This is not necessarily about which is your favorite character out of these (although it could be. Who am I to tell you what to do here). This is about what would be the most chaotic, the most cursed, the most barely-justifiable plot-wise. The worst, if you will.

And, since there are far more than ten characters I can imagine dumping into the world of Batman and the Justice League with no valid reasoning, there will be more.

Are there worse options available? Find out here.

[sillygooseness]

My Playlist: Jimmy Kaga-Ricci Needs a Hug

A Song Analysis.

1. Hey Angel by One Direction- starting off strong with this one for multiple reasons. the one-sided dialogue with an angel reflects the religious imagery of the book and jimmy taking comfort in his religion by talking to god. the words also work really well if you imagine this as jimmy talking to angel about switching roles in life. also, the one direction larry stylinson situation very much fueled alice's idea for jowan, i think, the parallels are very clear.

2. Play My Music by The Jonas Brothers- a fun little jam about a boy just wanting to play his music

3. Salt by Bad Suns- the lead singer of bad suns wrote this song for his transgender friend, but i really would not have guessed that this was written by a cisgender person if i had not looked it up. phenomenal articulation of a transgender experience, obviously the song belongs here

4. Love Me by The 1975- the lyrics reflect jimmy's theme that it is silly to idolize somebody that you don't know

5. Social Cues by Cage The Elephant- another song about coping with fame and anxiety

6. Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots- jimmy is very stressed, obviously, and reminiscent of when times were simpler

7. You’d Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone You Knew Was Out To Get You) by Waterparks- another song about his anxiety. this song makes me think about how he is so worried about somebody breaking into their apartment and his room. he is frequently worried about being in danger from others

8. Karma by AJR- a song from the perspective of a famous person in therapy. in a podcast explaining the making of this song, the lead singer explains that they edited multiple takes of the bridge together so that there would be no audible breaths in between lines, which heightens the sense that the narrator is spiraling into a panic attack. very much how i imagine jimmy finally in therapy

9. One of Us by Joan Osborn- alice said so and i agree

10. Starting Line by Luke Hemmings- this one is hard to explain, but it's essentially about feeling emotionally numb throughout life due to poor mental health and feeling like life is flying by without really experiencing any of it. i have multiple songs from this album sprinkled throughout all of my playlists for the ark boys, and this one just feels the most like jimmy

11. Only The Brave by Louis Tomlinson- i love that this song has been adopted by fans to be about lgbtq+ bravery. it has to be included

12. Lights Up by Harry Styles- really reflects how little sense of self jimmy has. the main line "lights up, do you know who you are?" really stands out because jimmy states multiple times in the book that he does not know who he is

13. Run Boy Run by Woodkid- maybe this one is a bit dramatic, but it's my running away song, so it naturally goes here

14. Laura Palmer by Bastille- gosh, i love this song. it's another one that's hard to articulate, but it's perfect. "you ran into the night, you can't be found. this is your heart, can you feel it? pumped through your veins, can you feel it?" jimmy runs away, finally acting on his own autonomy, and this song is perfect for it.

15. Make it Stop by COIN- another song about being anxious and overwhelmed. reflective of jimmy trying to put a hold on his chaos that is life by running away from it

16. Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift- this is how jimmy views himself

17. I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes) by The 1975- this song reflects the comments jimmy makes to lister in his childhood bedroom. you know what i'm talking about

18. Weight of Living, Pt. 1 by Bastille- what's this? another song about jimmy's anxiety and the weight of his fame and chaotic life? wow!

19. Earth To God by COIN- a great song narrating a one-sided dialogue with god. this song makes me think of the scene where he stops inside the church in kent

20. 2011 by 5 Seconds of Summer- this is THE jam-session-in-pierro’s-basement song, i don't make the rules. listen to the lyrics and tell me i'm wrong, i dare you. it's literally a band jamming out reminiscing on the days before fame when life was easier and they could just be innocent and play music for fun

21. Comedown by Luke Hemmings- 🎶it’s been a hell of a week🎶

22. Guys by The 1975- alice said so and i agree

23. Give Yourself A Try by The 1975- this just gives end of the book vibes. i hope jimmy starts to give himself a try after all of this

[ncis-imagines-blog]

[aaronswifey]

How you hug: NCIS

Jimmy Palmer:

Anthony DINozzo:

Ziva David:

Leroy Jethro Gibbs:

Timothy McGee:

[writeandsurvive]

Doubts ~ Alden Parker 2/2

Summary: Alden Parker reconnects with his first love and it gets him all confused  Pairing: Alden Parker x Fem!Reader Words count: 5.5k Warnings: age gap relationship, pregnancy talk, mention of dissociation Author's note: it's been a while since I wrote for Alden and I definitely didn't expect for it to be this long, nor take this way either but here we are. I'm giving myself to opportunity to write sequel fics with that ending, cause you never know. I hope you're enjoying it <3 love!

Around lunch time, he received a text from Jeremy. 

‘Wanna come over with your lady tonight?’ He didn’t answer immediately because he didn’t know. 

A couple hours later, it was your turn to text him. 

‘Jer is inviting us for dinner tonight. I’m down! You?’

He can leave Jeremy on read but he can’t do it to you. 

‘Not sure, day’s a mess.’

More like his head is a mess. 

‘Is it okay if I go anyway? You can join if you leave work early enough.’

‘Of course, go! I’ll keep you posted.’

‘Works. Love you, Superman! ❤️’

‘Love you too’

“You look miserable, Parker.” Nick Torres informed him as he grabbed a pastry still sitting on Alden’s desk.

“Thanks, Torres?”

“I bet it’s past days haven't been easy for you. When are we going to meet the future Mrs Parker?”

“Don’t know. We got some stuff planned already.”

“You know she can just stop by.” Jess chimed in.

“Been there, done that. Nope.”

“Alden” it was Tim’s turn to join, “We’re not jerks from the FBI, you know?”

“I don’t worry about you guys. But—“ his hand gesture showed off the entire headquarters, meaning everyone else. 

“I know what’s going on!” Jess interjected, earning puzzled looks from her coworkers. “You’re gatekeeping her.”

“Gatekeeping?”

“Kasie told me how pretty she is. And she’s younger than you.”

“We established that.”

“You are afraid someone in here, in her age rank, will try to swoop her away from you.” 

Alden let out a humorless laugh. “Trust me, Jess, I’ve seen many people try and fail. Right in front of me. I’m not worried about that.” 

“Or maybe she’s just good at hiding it.” Nick grinned at his team leader. 

“Torres, shut up.” 

“Gatekeeping.” Jess said, again. And Tim and Nick repeated it as agreements.

Alden Parker wasn’t sure what drove him to Joy’s house once again. He didn’t even know why he drove for two hours before going there, just to get her favorite pastries from when they were kids. The case is done, and he should put this behind him like it’s been all of those years. But when she opened the door and welcomed him inside, he smiled. 

They settled at the table with coffee and pastries, and started to talk. It was about the case this time, it was about them. Their past, what happened, how they felt. What their lives became from there. He learned that his ex wife Vivian visited Joy after their divorce because she “wanted to see the woman she fought against through the entire marriage.”

“That’s very stupid.” He said “And I’m sorry she actually came to see you.”

“It’s okay, at least I knew about how your life turned out. But it was fifteen years ago. What happened after that?”

You. He met you several years after his divorce, but that was the only answer he wanted to give. You happened, and you made his life a thousand times better. 

“I'm getting married in two months.” 

“Oh! I didn’t—well, congratulations, Park. Kids? Stepkids perhaps?”

“No and no.”

“Do you regret not having kids?”

Alden rubbed his face before answering. “I’m sorry, maybe you don’t want to talk about—“

“She’s younger than me. Young enough to get pregnant, so—“

“Okay, back up. When you say younger than you—?”

“Ryan’s age.”

“You kidding me right now?”

He shook his head no.

“Park, what the hell! Are you seriously getting married to a girl who could be your daughter?”

“Please, don’t, Joy. I’ve had this conversation too many times, I’m not having it with you.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s—“

“Wrong? Bad? Sick? Perverted? Trust me, I heard it all.”

“No, I was just going to say that—it’s too bad.” He looked up to her. “I was hoping you were single.”

He felt her hand on top of his. He knew he should’ve moved his hand away. He should’ve told her to back off, tell her that he wasn’t, and he was very happy about his life and upcoming wedding. But he let her. He let her intertwine her fingers with his. He even squeezed and she softly smiled. She got closer to him, and he didn’t move away. He saw her face approaching his, and he stayed there. Her lips touched his and he didn’t pull away. 

When his phone buzzed, he basically jumped from his seat, stepping away from Joy. Confused and lost, he grabbed his phone and saw that Jeremy was calling. He cleared his throat before answering.

“Hey pal.” He tried to sound casual.

“Uncle Alden! Where are you? Are you coming?” Eli.

“Buddy, hey! I’m still at work, but I’m coming soon, okay? I hope you didn’t start eating without me?” 

“No but hurry, you’re gonna miss the beginning of the game!” 

“I’m on my way! I’m hurrying up!” 

“Okay! But auntie said "drive safe.””

“Always.”

Joy was sitting at the table again. “My godson.”

“And he’s waiting for you, from what I understood.”

“Yeah, dinner and a baseball game.”

He grabbed his coat to put it on. 

“Is she his godmother?”

“No, Eli was five when I met her. But I really don’t want to talk about her with you, Joy. That kiss shouldn’t have happened.” He started to walk towards the door. 

“But it did and you didn’t fight. Not even for a second.” 

And he hated that. He hated himself. 

He opened the door. 

“Maybe that wedding shouldn’t happen.” She said. 

He closed the door. 

It was probably one of the worst drive of his life. How could he let this happen? How could he do this to you? He never faulted when he was married to Vivian, or any other relationships, but he did it with you. You’re the most amazing thing that ever happened to him, the most precious person he could ever meet, and he betrayed you. And the worst part of this? He wasn’t sure it wouldn’t happen again. Because catching up with Joy does something to him. It makes him feel things he thought long gone. He makes him wonder a lot of things, and pretty much puts his whole life into perspective. What if he changed earlier and her parents didn’t move away? What if she answered his letters? What if life hadn’t separated them? 

What if…

What if it was their second chance?

Alden knocked at the door and let himself in as usual. Eli came running to hug his godfather. Jeremy’s wife greeted him with a hug, the men greeted each other with their handshake, and his eyes laid down on you. You stood up from the couch with a soft smile. But he knows you well. He knows there’s sadness behind this smile. You probably could feel his internal struggle and was worried about it. But you were trying to hide it. “Hey you.” You whispered. 

To your surprise, Alden pulled you into a hug before kissing your forehead and then your lips. It was brief, but nice. 

You all settled in the living room, as the game was about to start. Jeremy’s wife had prepared some toasts and snacks to pick, and she served a beer to Alden. Eli was sitting next to his godfather, wearing his Cubs hat and you were on Alden’s other side. The game started, the conversations went from what you were watching to catching up with one another. Your fiancé and Jeremy talked about work here and there. You and his wife talked about the wedding, and she showed you some stuff she saw online. Lots of DIY. 

“Let me just say it. Sweetie, my lovely wife here is just waiting for you to ask to do all those things for the wedding.” Jeremy said.

“Jer!!” His wife interjected. 

“Do you really want to do all of this for us?” You asked her. 

“Kinda. I mean, I love weddings and I didn’t get to plan ours cause I was very much pregnant. But yeah, I’d love to. If it’s okay with you of course.”

“Of course! I mean I’m good with planning, but decorations, ambiance, that’s not my strong suit.”

“Don’t worry about that then. I’m handling it.” 

You hugged her and looked at Alden. He was physically there, but his mind was far away. You could tell. 

“Den, you good with Becky taking care of the decor?”

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” He forced a smile. “Thank you Beck’s.”

You spent the rest of the game looking at your fiancé who was clearly avoiding your eyes, or actually you altogether. He was focusing on the game with Eli, shouting at the TV here and there. Becky made small talk with you and you answered, doing your best to hide how you were really feeling. At half time, Jeremy invited Alden to the backyard. “You good, man?”

“Yes, just tired. Long week.”

“Meeting again with your first love.”

Alden didn’t take the slug he was about to. He stopped, staring at his best friend. 

“She told you?”

“Of course. She’s worried, Alden.” Jeremy waited for Alden to say something but he just stared at his beer. “Is she right to be worried?”

He looked up to his best friend but this time, he had tears in his eyes. Still unable to say anything, he just shook his head. Not as “no”, but as defeat. He was lost, and lost for words. Jeremy wheeled closer. “Did something happen?” He whispered. 

“We kissed.” 

“Alden.”

“I know, Jer. I’m—horrible. Doing this to her? I hate myself for it, I would kick my own ass if I could.” 

“Look. If it was just a kiss, I’m sure she can get past it. She’ll give you hell for it though.” 

Alden stayed silent again. 

“Was it more than a kiss?”

“No, no! Just that. But—“

Jeremy was starting to understand. 

“Parker, don’t tell me you’re questioning everything right now?”

“I’m lost, Jer. I love Y/N so much, she’s my world. But I can’t shake the feeling that— Joy reappeared for a reason. You know?”

“And that reason was her stupid ass son.”

“He’s a good kid.”

“Don’t. I’m not going to support this bullshit, Alden.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means—if you end it with Y/N to get back to Joy, you’re making the biggest mistake of your life. You’ll regret it faster than you can imagine and believe me, I’ll be right here to say “I told you so””

“Thanks for your support, friend.”

“You’re my brother and I love you, and it’s my job to tell you when you’re being the biggest idiot.”

Alden drank the rest of his beer in one swallow. Jeremy wasn’t moving. He was waiting for his best friend to come to his senses. 

“Will you take care of her?” Alden asked. 

“What?”

“If I— make the biggest mistake of my life. Will you take care of her?” 

Jeremy only saw Alden crying twice. After the accident, and at this very moment. He seemed heartbroken and genuinely torn apart by what he was feeling. Jer wanted to shake him off, but realized there was no point. 

“Yes. We will.” He reassured him. 

Inside the house, you were playing on your phone with Eli. When the commercials were over, he stood up to get his dad and goddad but came back quickly without them. “Auntie. Uncle Den is crying!”

“What? Are you sure?” 

He nodded so you rushed to the backyard. Eli was right. Alden was crying. You immediately kneeled down in front of him, and grabbed his face. “Alden baby, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” 

He loosely wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your neck. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. You looked at Jeremy for some answers but he avoided your eyes. 

“Sorry for that? Alden, look at me. Talk to me.” 

“Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you what? What do you want me to forgive you for?”

You tried to grab his face to make him look at you but he fought off and kept his head in your neck. 

“Joy.” You simply said. 

Alden didn’t answer but he held you tighter. As if he knew you were about to pull away from him. Jeremy was still avoiding your eyes. 

“Did you sleep with her?” 

You were getting angry at his avoidance. You shouted his name, so he would stop hiding in your neck and holding you so tight you couldn’t escape. “Answer the goddamn question. And fucking let go of me.”

His hold loosened a little, and his face rose up. He looked pitiful. “Did you sleep with her?” You repeated, sharper this time. 

“We kissed.” He whispered, avoiding your eyes.

You didn’t react immediately, just took some sharp deep breaths. He kissed her. He kissed someone else. It was breaking your heart, but at the same time, maybe it was better than him sleeping with her like you thought. You could get over a kiss, right? You could forgive him for being lost for a moment. 

“Was that all?” You asked, afraid of the answer. 

He nodded, but kept avoiding your eyes.

“Fucking look at me, Alden.”

He did. Slowly. You were mad at him, hurt and felt betrayed. But you loved him beyond words, and most importantly, you didn’t want to lose him over a kiss.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m lost.”

“What do you mean, you’re lost?”

Alden was nervously rubbing his hands and he looked down at his feet again. You grabbed his chin, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “Stop stalling.” You were getting angrier and angrier. 

“I just–I don’t know what to say, sweetheart. I’m sorry for the kiss, for doing this to you. I hate myself for it.” He gently grabbed your hand that was still on his face and covered it with both his hands. “But I– I don’t know what I want anymore.”

You instantly took your hand off his despite the grip he had on it and you leaned back. Away from him. The tears that had been frightening to fall were now rolling down your cheeks.

“You don’t know if– you want to be with me or with her?” You sum up.

“Baby, I–”

“You’re telling me that– you’re ready to throw everything away. The past two years we’ve had together, our upcoming wedding, projects we have– for an ex, that you hadn’t seen in forty fucking years? That’s what you’re saying, Alden? You saw her only days ago, but you’re willing to risk losing me over her?” You didn’t know how you manage to say all of this despite feeling your throat closing in. You were choking up, but you needed to understand. You needed him to speak up, no matter how bad it could hurt. 

“I just need some time.”

At this moment, you stood up so fast your head spinned for a second. Or maybe it was the shock of what was happening. 

“Time? You need time?” You started to move like a lion in a cage, fighting off your tears as much as you could. Alden stayed seated, looking down at his shoes again. “Look at me you fucking coward.”

You knew this word would get a reaction out of him. He stood up too, grabbed your face to make you stop moving.

“I love you.” he choked up. “But I need closure.”

Those words broke your heart. You knew what it meant. 

You pulled your face off his grip, looked down at your engagement ring for a moment before taking it off and putting it in his palm. “Go for it.”

You walked past Jeremy, Becky and Eli - who didn’t understand what exactly was going -, grabbed your stuff and left. 

~

It’s been a week.

A week since you last saw Alden, a week since he broke your heart into thousands of pieces. A week since you walked home and trashed his greenhouse, because you couldn’t control yourself nor your pain. You knew it wasn’t a way to react, that it was impulsive, but when you got home to get some stuff, you looked around in tears. You saw pictures framed of the two. You didn’t mean to throw it on the floor at first but as you held it, you got madder at his face. His smile. You couldn’t hit him, but you could destroy that picture. From this, you completely dissociated, walked into the greenhouse and broke everything. Throwing the pots on the floor, ripping his flowers, destroying his expensive telescope. In retrospect, you’re mad at yourself for doing all of this, and even considered apologizing to him via text. But you never brought yourself to do it. Not even when he texted to check up on you or tried to call. 

You considered going over to Tay’s house, but decided against it and found a hotel to stay in. You didn’t want to see anyone, face anyone. You couldn’t face reality. For an entire week, you stayed in, barely ate, only texted Tay and Jeremy to let them know that you were indeed alive. But that was it.

Alden has been miserable through the entire week. Barely slept or ate, he wasn’t even bringing pastries to his team anymore. He met with Joy a couple of times but it didn’t feel right. He didn’t push her away when she kissed him, but stopped her when she wanted more. She said she understood it wasn’t easy for him, that she’d give him time to process the breakup, but the next minute, she was all over him. This wasn’t going the way he imagined. He was more lost than a week prior, because living without you felt impossible. He knew he couldn’t have it both ways, that he needed to make up his mind and stick to it. But all he’s been wanting to do was seeing you and holding you. 

He remembers coming home after that night at Jeremy’s and finding the pictures framed all over the floor and the greenhouse completely trashed. He deserved it. He spent hours cleaning, saving what could be saved. He tried to repair his telescope, even asked Tim for some help but his younger coworker told him he may as well buy a new one. 

The team was worried about their leader and they were thinking about interfering. They didn’t know exactly what had happened, but they were investigators so they figured out the big lines. 

“No pastries today?” Nick asked Jess and Tim as he walked into the bullpen. He saw Parker’s coat on the back of his chair so he knew the senior agent was already in.

“Nope. And he’s in a mood.”

“Did you find his fiancée?” He asked Tim.

“I didn’t like doing it, but yeah, she registered in a hotel last weekend. Been there since.”

“So they are officially broken up?” Jess joined.

“Looks like it.”

“Boy, I hope he’s not seeing this Joy woman.”

Of course, this was the sentence Alden heard as he came back from accounting. “Gossiping about my love life? Seriously, don’t you have anything better to do?”

“We’re just worried about you, Parker.” Nick told him.

“I don’t need you to worry about me! I don’t need you to figure out where Y/N cause I already know! And I most definitely don’t need you to do something about it! Are we clear?”

“Yes, sir.” They all agreed.

He stayed a long time at the office after everyone was gone. He didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment. It still smelled too much like you, your presence was overwhelming as all your stuff was still there. Not that he wanted you to come get them. 

It was the middle of the night when he got back to the apartment. And when he heard noises coming from the bedroom, he immediately reached for his gun and slowly walked towards the noises. “Federal Agent!” He called out. “Come out with your hands in the air!”

As he was about to reach the door, it opened to you. You were completely unbothered by his gun pointing at you, just walked past him to go to the bathroom. But you were stopped by his hand grabbing your wrist. He whispered your name, shocked to see you here. “Wh–What are you doing here? How are you?”

“I live here.” You just answered. “You want me gone? Then throw me out.” You tried to keep walking to the bathroom but Alden didn’t let go of your hand.

“No, no! I don’t want you gone! I–I’m not throwing you out. Wasn’t in the first place. I’m just–I didn’t expect to see you here. You’ve been ghosting me.”

“Oh and that surprised you?”

“I guess not, I just– I didn’t want things to happen the way it did.”

“Look Alden, I’m about to pee myself here. So let me tell you why I’m here. I’m not going to make this easy on you. You want to see her? Fine. But you’re not doing it here. You’re stuck between me and her? Too bad, I’m not leaving my spot. Also, you’re making all the calls for the wedding. You’ll call the guests, the caterer, the venue, the minister and tell them you’re canceling it. You should deal with the consequences and I’ll make sure that you do.”

You pulled your hand away and he let go. You really needed to pee. And when you got out of the bathroom, he was still there. Leaning against the wall, jacket off and gun pulled away. He looked miserable. But it was all his fault.

“I’m not seeing her.” He informed you. “I just said I needed time.”

“So what? I should’ve stayed here, and waited until you may or may break up with me? Sit here and wonder if you’re coming home late because you’re with her?”

“Isn’t that what's gonna happen now that you’re here?”

You let a humorless laugh. “You didn’t get it. I’m here because this is my home. My name is on the lease, I pay half of the rent, my whole life is in here. I’m not giving that up, whether or not we’re broken up. And if that causes you trouble, then perfect.”

“So, we’re like what? Roommates?”

“If you want to put a label on it. You ruined my heart, Alden and I’m letting you ruin my whole life.”

“I never asked you to leave, Y/N!” His voice rose up, as he was getting angry. “I never wanted you out of my life! I didn’t even want to cancel the wedding, okay? All I needed was to figure things out!”

“But it wasn’t figuring out what suit you’re going to wear! It’s figuring out if you want to be with me or with her! Do you honestly think I would marry someone if I’m wondering if he really wants me?”

“Wait–” he stayed silent for a second, taking a deep breath. “Are you saying that–if I tell you I still want to marry you in two months, you wouldn’t want to?”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re still thinking about her.” You didn’t know why but your voice got softer at this moment.

His eyes started to watered. “I kinda feel like you’re actually breaking up with me, right now.”

You silently cried for a moment. “You broke my heart, Alden.” you whispered. “I felt betrayed and rejected, like I’ve felt my entire life until I met you.” 

Alden fell down against the wall until his butt hit the floor. He was silently crying, hating myself even more. “Then–Why are you here?” He struggled to ask.

You kneeled in front of him. “Because I’m pregnant.”

Alden’s brain froze for a very long moment. Did he hear you right? or was he hallucinating? Was it a dream? Were you really pregnant? With his baby? He stared a blind spot for several minutes, but finally looked back at you. He wanted to smile. Despite the horrible circumstances, despite how you got to this point. You were pregnant. You were carrying his baby. Silently, he extended his arms, tentatively trying to touch your stomach. But you stopped him. “Don’t just yet.” It hurt you more than you could’ve imagined to say those following words, “I’m considering abortion.”

His brain froze again for a moment.

“Wait, what? No!” He got on his knees. “Princess! No. I know it’s your body, but I probably shouldn’t be doing this but please, let’s talk about this. You’re pregnant.” More tears fell down his cheeks, but it wasn’t sadness. “You’re carrying our baby.”

“Alden—“ you choked up. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, please.” 

“I can’t let you have abortion without talking it through. I can’t.”

“I said I was considering it.” This time, he managed to hear his hands on your stomach and you didn’t pull away. You were ugly crying by now. “That’s not how I imagined this would go. It should’ve been the most amazing news of our lives, but now—it feels wrong.”

“Wrong? That’s the furthest thing from wrong.” He gently held your face. “It’s far from ideal, it’s—messy if you want to put it that way. But we can figure it out. We can make it work, one way or another.”

“I don’t want to do the coparenting thing, Den. I want to raise my baby with its father, my husband.” 

“And I want to kiss you right now.” He whispered.

“Please don’t. Don’t choose me because I’m pregnant. I could never be happy with that.”

“I understand. Really, I get it.” Silence filled the room again, except for sniffing and deep breaths coming from both you and Alden. “How about we get up now and sleep on it? You can take the master bedroom.”

You followed his lead and stood up. “Did you really think I’d sleep in the guest room?”

He chuckled softly. “Of course not. I just need my shorts and phone charger.” 

Neither of you slept. 

You didn’t want to tell him about the pregnancy just yet, nor like that. You wanted to wait a little and see how things were, see if being around him could help you make a decision. But he knows now, and it may have been easier if he said he didn’t want this baby.  

But Alden wanted this baby. He’s never been this close to being a dad. No woman has ever been pregnant with his baby. And the fact that it’s you—he wants to erase those past two weeks. Erase his doubts, erase his behavior, erase the hurt and pain he caused you. He never doubted his love for you, though. He knows what happened in his mind, he’s known before tonight. Maybe he should just face it and admit it to you. 

You woke up in the morning to the smell of food. Your favorite breakfast food and it both made you hungry and nauseous. You rushed to the bathroom as soon as your eyes opened, and Alden immediately joined you as he saw you running. He kneeled down next to you, holding your hair as your morning sickness hit. He gently rubbed your back. Once you were done, you sat on the floor against the wall. “I’ll get you water.” 

“No. Give me my toothbrush first.” 

He stood up, grabbed your toothbrush that you left there (you only packed a few clothes the week prior and bought the rest), added some toothpaste on it and handed it to you. You brushed your teeth while staying on the floor. 

“Do you want me to carry you to the couch?”

“I’m pregnant, Alden, not invalide.”

You walked to the kitchen with your baby daddy on your toes. 

“I cooked but I don’t know if you’re gonna be able to eat. Or maybe you want something else? Any cravings?”

You sat at the kitchen island and buried your face in your hands. “Alden, stop. Don’t act like your usual loving and caring self.”

“Ooookay. What am I supposed to do then?”

“I don’t know.”

He put a big glass of water in front of you and sat on the stool next to yours. He made you spin so you were facing each other. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

You took a deep breath, “I’m listening.”

“I always knew I’d come back to you.”

“What?”

“I needed closure with Joy. Subconsciously, I was hoping you’d let me—“

“Do your thing with her and wait patiently until you come back?”

He sighed. “It’s horrible, I know. It was selfish and wrong, and just plainly— jerk behavior.”

“I’d say asshole. Dumbass. Dickhead.” 

He sadly chuckled. “Whatever word you want to use, they are all valid.” 

“Basically, you wanted me to give you a pass on this.”

“Something like that, yeah.” 

“When did you reach that conclusion?”

“A few days ago. I ran into Max and his mom, and poor little guy was so upset at us—“

“Oh my god! His game!”

“Yeah. We missed it. And I tried to explain to him that we had some issues, and after he stopped pouting, he actually listened. I told him I’ve had a problem in the greenhouse and that I’d loved his help to get it back the way it was. And I guess from what I told him, he understood that you were temporarily away. And he told me, “We have to make the apartment spot clean for when Y/N comes back.” From there, my mind—“

Alden watched you as you stood up and went to get something from the closet. Then you walked towards the front door with a gift in your hands. “Where are you going?”

“Apologize!”

He didn’t move until you came back, which wasn’t long after and the gift was still in your hands. “They are not home, I’ll try again later.”

“He’s not mad at us, I made sure of it.”

“I know, but we promised we’d be there. And we didn’t show up, he probably felt so sad.”

Your emotions overwhelmed you and you started to cry there, sitting on the couch. Alden sat next to you, hesitating for a moment before hugging you. You didn’t push him away. “He still loves us.” He assured you.

“I still love you but it doesn’t make it okay.” 

You regretted saying it as soon as it left your mouth, but Alden uncontrollably smiled. Silver lighting. 

You let Alden hold you for a moment, because it felt nice on some levels. You still couldn’t believe what he put you through though. “We were doing so good.” You whispered. 

“I know. I’m not even sure I understand myself.”

You stayed silent once more. 

“So, you didn’t—sleep with her?”

“No.”

“Well—maybe you should.”

“Wait, what?” Alden shifted, clearly taken off guard. He gently grabbed your chin to make you face him. “Are you seriously telling me to sleep with someone else?”

“Yes.” You said with eyes full of tears. “Maybe that way you can totally put it behind you.”

“That’s—crazy. Absolutely crazy.” He moved down to his knees. “I couldn’t go that far, princess. I did see her and we—made out, if we can call it that. But it felt wrong, so wrong. I wasn’t kissing the right person. When she was touching me, I kept thinking that only you can touch me. Only you know how to touch me. My entire world felt out of place. I think the sixteen years old in me wanted it, but fuck I’m not sixteen anymore. I’m a stupid old man, who’s so in love with a woman too young for him. A woman who definitely deserves better, because she’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I failed her.” He held your face in his big soft hands, and pressed his forehead against yours. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you let me.” He kissed your nose. “I’ll make sure our little one knows how precious their mama is and that we are the luckiest.” You were both crying. “Please.” He added. 

“You know those Moroccan pastries we had in a little shop in New York?”

“Sure. Kaab al ghzal.” He said in his best accent possible. 

“I’m craving them.”

He chuckled softly. “Then I guess I’m going to New York.” 

“Actually, I, um—there’s this new musical on Broadway—“

“Then I guess we are going to New York.”

“Two different bedrooms, Alden. Connecting at best.”

“I can deal with that. What else?”

“Your treat.”

“Obviously. That it?”

“You leave your phone here.”

Dilemma. He wouldn’t do it in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for his work. He’s technically off for the weekend, but being a Federal Agent comes with a lot of inconvenience, and being called at any time any day is one of them. But he saw in your eyes how serious you were. It wasn’t about his work, which is something you’ve always understood and were mostly okay with. It was about him showing you he meant every word he said. 

“Let me just inform the team.”