#Jezinky

[kujupikle]

[musicalelo]

Come get lost in my deep blazing eyes Don't tell me you don't crave to In the world of spells In the world of magic In the world of spells In the world of magic

Jezinky - Giudi

[sztansescheadache]

over all out of 24 national finals 7 were won by my faves ITS BETTER THAN LAST YEAR

unfortunately “gladiator” and “t’inquiète” are this year’s “jezinky” by giudi for me and i am not sane about it

[lesoldatmort]

| JEZINKA |

Jezinka (Jezinky is plural in czech, sometimes called Bezinky) are certain kind of forest demon, also known as Divoženka (literally a "wild woman"). They could be interpreted as forest witches as we know them from classic fairy tales. Their role can be both negative and more of a neutral - just minding their own business, living in a forest, far away from civilisation - ah, what a dream!

More (folk)lore, info and WIPs of this project on my P/treon.

[dalsimoravskyblog]

ČESKOSLOVENSKO 1980: [01]

Jana Kratochvílová: Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa

hudba: Karel Svoboda | text: Jaroslav Machek

Jana Kratochvílová se narodila v Gottwaldově před 27 lety, hraje na housle a na kytaru. Za svou nepříliš dlouhou kariéru vystupovala s několika hudebními tělesy, například ve skupinách Variace, Jezinky, Bezinky nebo Jazz Q Martina Kratochvíla. V loňském roce založila vlastní kapelu jménem Motor a letos vydala svou první dlouhohrající desku. Do budoucna doufáme, že nebude nucena emigrovat. Držte nám palce.

Pod předělem najdete ještě jinou živou verzi, studiovou verzi a text. Všechny písně najdete zde.

Text:

V tvém věku plány kuješ neskutečné, chceš mluvit s létavicí v dráze mléčné. Tvým očím zástup čoček sílu dává, co vidíš, sám se divíš, já ti mávám, já ti mávám.

Dlouhá bílá žhnoucí kometa v dálce dráhu mléčnou zametá, o mnoho blíž je však můj žár. Dlouhá bílá žhnoucí kometa může být už dáma stoletá, mně je však míň - dvacet a pár.

Snad jednou skončíš jako mistr hvězdář, snad najdeš víc než jiný, snad se nevzdáš. Pak hledej tam, kde není tíže zemská. Teď zatím zůstaň dole, já jsem ženská, já jsem ženská.

Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa V dálce dráhu mléčnou zametá. O mnoho blíž je však můj žár.

Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa. Může být už dáma stoletá. Mně je však míň, dvacet a pár.

Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa V dálce dráhu mléčnou zametá. O mnoho blíž je však můj žár.

Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa Může být už dáma stoletá. Mně je však míň, dvacet a pár.

Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa V dálce dráhu mléčnou zametá. O mnoho blíž je však můj žár.

Dlouhá bílá žhoucí kometa. Může být už dáma stoletá. Mně je však míň dvacet a pár.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #15

15. SPAIN Blanca Paloma - "Eaea" 17th place

Decade Ranking: 42 / 116 [Above The Busker, below Circus Mircus]

A journey has finally come to an end. Like, idk, I have all the opinions and feelings and no idea how I'll express them. So let's pen them down and figure it out as we go?

So first, let's adress the pinned post: Yep, I was right about Blanca. I am also not particularly happy about it. I didn't just suspect Spain would come top three in the final going into the show, I was actively convinced it would happen and looked forward to it. The result we got aligned only with my first instincts so maybe the problem is allowing myself to be gaslit instead of confidently believing in my divining abilities? Or maybe the problem is just the Spanish Fandom, who can tell.

Secondly, as for why we got there, well: consider this little statement i made pre-show:

That has always been the crux of my opinion on Eaea. The problem was the song. It was never bad but always unvoteable. From the moment I first heard it for Benidorm reviews, all the way to five points, you just knew it was too out there to have mass appeal. When I then saw the staging at Benidorm, it confirmed my suspicions really. In order to get televotes, you need to stage literally, not laterally. Eaea was the Jezinky of Spain.

However, I always kinda sorta liked it overall anyway?

As we saw with Mae even if you have one big "drawback" (and it wasn't that Eaea was bad, it was just too pedantic to compete for televotes, something its obtuse fans failed to understand) but do the rest right, the net result is still a net positive. Foremost, Eaea was a visual treat that I loved to look at. Not just "more than i enjoyed hearing it", no backhanded compliments like that. It's just what it excelled at: Blanca was a performer of exceptional charm and talent, and employed her skills to their optimum. There's a reason why I thought Spain would win the jury vote going into rehearsals, and that's solely because I trusted Blanca's expertise would be enough to EAT.

And honestly, she at least... moderately gobbled? Like THIS:

and THIS:

and THIS:

Is all great? I never thought Eaea was the masterpiece (can we please STOP using that term for any offbeat Eurovision song we like PLEASE) others deemed it to be, it was a quirky little fusion of flamenco traditions with modernist staging, by a great singer who nailed the difficult vocals. For better or for worse, Blanca understood the assignment that Eurovision is foremost a Live Performance Contest and made an effort to be as good as possible.

So yeah, I did vote for Blanca on the night. Twice. Even if one felt like the song was too much Piece and not enough Song, she had earned a high spot up the scoreboard for her performance and determination, so I cast a vote for her in support of that cuz you know, nature is healing. Then I fatfingered a second one by accident, making me one of ten people in Belgium who voted for Spain, and the only one to vote for them more than once. AND YOU THOUGHT, I WAS A HATER, DIDN'T YOU?

Okay, so the results. Five points SEEMS really harsh but Käärijä really was a force of fatal attraction and natural devastation that we've only truly seen once before under normal circumstances, and anyone else should have been pleased to have had any scraps left after his cultural reset. Blanca was never gonna get much of that, we already went through why.

But what about Juries? Well, they flocked to Sweden and Italy like we all suspected they would, which is a boring outcome, but both Loreen and Marco nailed their lives so w/e fine. If I wanted the juries to reward Blanca for her grit, why be angry when they did the same for Sweden and Italy?

However, to once again beat a dead equine, that *other* one in the jury top three being there, and over Blanca specifically, has to be the worst jury decision since their re-implementation. Like worse than Fade to Black qualifying into three jury twelves. Worse than Baby Eats You scoring 82 points over Blackbird. The juries exist specifically to reward layered art like Eaea and quirky outsiders like Blanca and they erred. 10th in jury, what the shit? The argument that Eaea wasn't good enough a song doesn't hold up because Ewnicorn was the worst composition in the year.

So in the end, I am back where I started: at mild like. You'd expect me to feel smug, but honestly, I mostly just feel melancholic. Eaea truly was a unique Piece and its result made me realize that, should Eurovision revert back to full-televote which is what Österdahl seems to want (🙄), it's the Eaeas that will become extinct first*.

THE RANKING

you have NO idea how much anxiety "Veronika" is giving me rn. 😬

you also have NO idea how much i'd kill for an Eaea in 2024's Benifest.

[mu-mumie]

Tvoříjen #8 od @kitikara - Jezinky

(trochu mi to připomíná bludičky minulého roku o..O)

[ID: Tři stvoření stojící v březovém lese. Jejich silueta připomíná siluetu štíhlé dívky s dlouhými vlasy, ale jejich anatomie je dokonale odlišná. Ačkoli jsou v "hlavě" orgány čichu a zraku, potravu přijímá jezinka tlamou umístěnou tam,kde by běžný člověk hledal hrudník a břicho. Domnělé nohy jezinky není lehké popsat, protože mají tendenci splývat s okolím. Podle některých teorií fungují jako určitý stonek připoutavající nadzemní část jezinky k půdě, ve které sídlí jejich společné podhoubí a hlavní struktury nervové, trávicí a vylučovací soustavy.]

[kitikara]

Jezinky 8.10.2022 Tvoříjen aka tolik Jezinek si Smolíček pacholíček v jeskyni nepředstavoval

[seewetter]

Mythic Creatures by Region & Culture

Part 10: Other

Modern

Acarus Crossii; Caveman; Chupacabra first in Puerto Rico; Cryptid; Cryptid whale; Cyborg; Doppelgänger; Fort Manoel Ghost; Globster; Gremlin; Hammaspeikko; Holly King and Oak King; Lariosauro; Living Puppet ; Doll; Loys Ape; Ningen; Owlman is predates by Owlman from DC Comics; Phantom Cats; Red Lady; Sewer alligator; Snow Queen; Sooterkin; Springheeled Jack; The Devil Whale broad category, includes Sindbad and medieval accounts; Tree Octopus; UFO

George Luis Borges

Á Bao A Qu; Peryton

Theosophy (included for completion's sake & because sometimes artists want to make art about fucked up 19th century cults that would make Lovecraft either proud or quake with fear or both)

Root race (theosophy)

Universal (not always universal to all cultures, but these wiki entries covered too many cultures to not basically put them in a category of their own)

Death; Deity; Dema deity; Demigod; Demon ; Demons and Demon (list); Eagles in Myth; Elf ; Elfs, Elves; Fairy ; Fairies; Fairy Queen; Ghost; Giant; Green Man; Hellhound; Lake Monster; Lynx; Mermaid and Merwomen; Merman; Mummy ; Mummies; Night Hag; Nightmare; Ogre; Poltergeist; Sack Man; Sea Monster; Sea Serpent; Shadow Person; Skeleton; Snake_Worship; Spirit spouse; Spirit ; Spirits; St. Elmo's Fire; Trickster ; Tricksters; Vampire; Vampire folklore worldwide; Werecat; White Lady ; White Ladies (ghost); Will-o'-wisp; Winged cat; Winged lion; Witch

Entries not on Wikipedia

Frau Holunder; Frohn; Frost Giant; Fuddittu; Fuglietti; Fujettu; Fuochi Fatui; Füttermännchen;

Ga-gorib; Ghostly Rider; Glucksmännchen; Goblin-Groom; Gommes; Good Folk; Good Neighbors from the Sunset Land; Gotwergi; Grandinili; Grey Alien; Grey Man; Grigs; Groac'h Vor; Guerrionets; Guriuz; Guter Johann; Gwarchells; Gwaryn-a-Throt; Gwazig-Gan;

Haaf-Fish; Hadas; Hags; Häkelmänner; Hakenmann; Ham; Härdmandlene; Haugbui; Hausbock; Havfrue; Havmand; Hayyot; He-Mann; He-Männer; Heerwische; Heidenmanndli; Heidenweibchen; Heinzelmann; Heinzlin; Heinzlin; Hejkadlo; Hemann; Herdweibchen; Herne the Hunter; Hidden Folk; Hille Bingels; Hillmen; Hitte-Hatte; Hob-and-his-Lanthorn; Hob-Gob; Hob-Thrush Hob; Hoihoimann; Homme de Bouc; Hommes Cornus; Hongatar; Hooters; Hopfenhütel; Houggä-Ma; Houpoux; Hsigo missspelling of Xiao; Hüamann; Huckepoten; Hulde Folk; Huldre Folk; Hulte; Husbuk; Hütchen; Hutzelmann; Hyldeqvind; Hyter Sprites;

Ice Mannikins; Ice Queen; Ignis Fatuus; Intulo; Irrbloss; Irrlichter; Iskrzycki; Jack o'Lanthorn; Iaculi;

Jashtesmé; Jean de la Bolieta; Jeannot; Jezinky; Jinnalaluo; Joan-in-the-Wad; Jolabukkar; Jüdel; Judys; Juggernaut; Julbuk;

Kållråden; Karlá; Katajatar; Kaukas; Kepetz; Kerions; Kielkropf; Killcrops; Kit-with-the-Canstick; Klaubauf; Klopferle; Knockerlings; Knocky Boh; Korandon; Korn-Kater; Kornikaned; Kourils; Koutsodaimonas; Krosnyata; Kyrkogrimm;

L'Homme Velu; Lachesis; Le Criard; Le Patre; Le Rudge-Pula; Lebraude; Leipreachán; Lešni Mužove; Lešni Pany; Löfviska; Lohjungfern; Lord Nann; Lord of the Forest; Lord of the Mountains; Lorggen; Lörggen; Loumerottes; Luchtenmannekens; Lundjungfrur; Lupeux; Lurican; Lurigadaun; Lurikeen; Lygte Men; Lyktgubbe; Lysgubbar;

Maćić see Massarioli; Maciew; Macinghe; Maemaeler; Maere; Mahjas Kungs; Maighdean Mara; Malienitza; Mamalić see Massarioli; Mamucca; Mantellioni; Mara Daoine; Mara-Warra; Marantule; Maratega; Mara-Warra; Margot-la-Fée; Markopolen; Martes; Marui; Master Hammerlings; Master Johannes; Mazapegolo; Mazzamarelle; Mazzamerieddu; Meerminnen; Meerweiber; Melch Dick; Merry Dancers; Meryons; Metten; Miodrag; Miri; Moine Trompeur; Monachetto; Monachicchio; Monoloke; Mora; Morgans; Moswyfjes; Mother's Blessing; Mountain Monks; Muse; Mützchen;

Nachtmännle; Nachtmart; Näcken; Näkku; Napfhans; Natrou-Monsieur; Necker; Neckers; Necks; Niägruisar; Nick-Nocker; Nickel; Night Folk; Nikkisen; Nikkur; Nimble Men; Nion Nelou; Nip the Napper; Nisken; Nissen god Dreng; Nörglein; Nörke; Nörkele;

Oaraunle; One with the White Hand; Onnerbänkissen; Orchi; Orculi; Orculli; Otterbahnkin; Owd Lad; Oxions;

Painajainen; Pandafeche; Panes; Pantegane; Pantegani; Para; Parcae (Moerae); Parzae (Moerae); Pechmanderln; Penette; Persévay; Petit Jeannot; Petty Fairie; Phooka; Pilwiz; Pingel; Piskies; Pitzln; Poludnitsy; Poppele; Poulpikans; Povoduji; Powries; Preinscheuhen; Pulter Klaes; Pumphut; Pundacciú; Purzinigele; Puschkait; Putzen; Puu-Halijad; Pysslinger-Folk;

Quaeldrytterinde; Queen of Elfland; Queen of Sirens; Querxe;

Redcombs; Rhagana; Rhiwallon; River Men; Roane; Robin Goodfellow; Robin Round Cap; Robot; Rododesa; Roggenmuhme; Rojenice; Rôpenkerl; Roughby; Rukh; Salbanelli;

Samovila ; Samovily; Sarván; Sauvageons; Scazzamurieddu; Schacht-Zwerge; Schlorchel; Schneefräulein; Schrätteli; Schrecksele; Seefräulein (Gwagged Annwn); Servant (Serván); Shishimora; Shopiltee; Sibille; Sileni; Silvane; Silvani; Skogsjungfru; Skogsnufvar; Skogsråt; Skougman; Skovmann; Skulld; Söedouen; Söetrolde; Soeurettes; Soltrait; Sotret; Souffle; Spunkies; Stendel; Stoicheioi; Strashila; Straszyldlo; Stroke Lad; Strömkarl; Sumascazzo; Swetylko;

Tan Noz; Tangye; Teuz; The Lovers; Thomas Boudic; Thumblings; Thusser; Tiddy Ones; Toggeli; Tom-Tit; Tomtevätte; Tomtrå; Tontuu; Trois Marks (Moerae); Tsmok; Tuometar; Unners-Boes-Thi;

Unterengadin; Untüeg; Urisk;

Vairies; Vardivil; Vardögl; Vardöiel; Vardygr; Vattar; Vihans; Vilenaci; Vileniki; Vili Čestitice; Vivani; Vivene; Vodni Moz; Vouivre; Vrukodlak; Vyatka;

Waalrüter; Wag at the Wa'; Waldweibchen; Waldzwerge; Watermöme; Wechselbalg; Wicht; Willy Rua; Witte Wijven (Moerae); Wives of Rica; Wolterken; Wood Folk; Wood Maidens; Wood Men; Wood Trolls; Wood Women;

Yarthkins; Yarupari;

Zinselmännchen; Ztrazhnik; Zuibotschnik

[kujupikle]

[bl00dysk1es]

(this song placed third in czechia's national selection for eurovision 2022, escz)

OOOOOOOOOOO

i like it

[radioeuroextasis]

JUECES LABYRINTH

"Con el toque de un dedo se revelan misterios" Para su nuevo single "Labirinto" que significa "laberinto", Guidi explora los caminos enredados y el conflicto interno entre su cuerpo físico y alma. Una artista llena de sorpresas y con sede en el sur de Italia, fue una progresión natural para ella interpretar esta oscura y misteriosa pista de reggaetón en italiano. "Es la primera canción que he escrito en italiano, una cálida tarde en el sur de Italia, estaba acostado en mi cama y pensando en los grandes símbolos de los misterios, las espirales de la vida y sus diferentes perspectivas. Un colaborador en esta canción fue el American Hairless Terrier de Giudi y musa, Georgina, quien proporcionó sonidos de percusión. Coproducido con el productor estadounidense Nicholas Coolidge y mezclado por Brent Kolatalo con sede en Nueva York (Eminem, Kendrick Lamarr, Kayne West) "Con el toque de un dedo se revelan los misterios" Con el nuevo sencillo "Labirinto", Giudi, el cantante bohemio que vive en Puglia, ofrece una pista original en el dark-reggaeton italiano. Así, explora caminos retorcidos, que reflejan un conflicto imaginario entre cuerpo y alma. Cualquiera que escuche la canción, gracias a su composición minimalista y cautivadora, se verá transportado a un agradable trance. Giudi lanzará su álbum debut a principios de 2023 y "Labirinto" será el primer sencillo. La cantante fue notada por la asociación internacional de jóvenes artistas europeos INES y Europavox, y luego seleccionada entre los nuevos artistas emergentes para representar a Europa para el año 2020 y 2021. Rindió homenaje a la escena musical checa durante los festivales extranjeros Waves en Viena, Live at Heart en Suecia y Eurosonic en los Países Bajos. Giudi también logró atraer la atención internacional, participando en el Festival de la Canción de Eurovisión con su composición "Jezinky", con una actuación única a capella no convencional. Giudi ya ha comenzado la escalada hacia el éxito internacional: de hecho, su música se escucha en las radios de más de 60 países; el artista también colabora con varios artistas del mundo en el campo de la moda, incluyendo la animación digital y 3D. Giudi ha estado viviendo en Salento durante un par de años, por lo que escribir un texto completamente en italiano era completamente natural para ella. De primordial importancia para la producción de esta canción es su dulce musa: su American Hairless Terrier, Giorgina, quien contribuyó al proporcionar a Giudi una percusión inestable en la pieza. El sencillo fue coproducido por Nicholas Coolidge y mezclado por los aclamados músicos neoyorquinos Brent Kolatalo. Giudi - Labirinto (bfan.link) Giudi – music (giudimusic.com)   Read the full article

[findasongblog]

Find A Song about the legendary wild women from the Bohemian Woods

GIUDI - Jezinky

"There were some voices outside:  "Smiley, Smiley, open the door: we only want to warm up in front of your fire and then we'll leave you in peace. Every day the wild women of the woods, knocked on his door and  finally one day Smiley opened the door and  they took him away into the woods...” Giudi says: “Although I normally use electronic music I felt it would be wonderful to bring to everybody a piece of the mystical Czech magic, using voices as instruments, so I’ve recorded a completely acapela song. Something different and authentic, inspired by our own wonderful Czech music and culture, the song has lyrics in English, Latin and Czech.   “Jezinky” are the legendary wild woman from the Bohemian Woods. They are mythical creatures seducing people to get lost with them in the woods. Now imagine the Jezinky represent your fears. I wanted to make a music video that reflects how people can feel lost and empty nowdays. We are all "lost in the woods" with tons of information and uncertainties. In the song I lure the listeners into my forest of spells and magic, so they can play the game with me."

Giudi collaborates with fashion designers from across the world, but for this video she connected to the local brand Overal Office, which is a sustainable brand currenlty exporting to Asia. Giudi recycled her husband's wedding suit into the post apocalyptic costume inspired by army style. On the music video she collaborated with her long time creative director, visual artist JaCob Ra and cinematographer Jan Moravec. 

“Behind the hills, behind the mines, where do my golden antlers graze? The Jerzinky wild women took little Smiley deep into the forest! But his friend, the deer, heard his cries and came and rescued him.” 

Added to FAS Spotify playlist singer/songwriter.

via Musosoup

[fagderolo]

ono im so sad i sent u a bunch of little stars but they didnt show up in the ask... imagine the bunch of little stars now !!

omg i will imagine them

[thinks about little stars] [thinks about little stars] [thinks about little stars] [thinks about little stars] [thinks ab

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023 PRESHOW - Part 4: Acts I can Respect, I guess.

Some songs aren’t for me. But they still bring something new or different to the table and I can respect that. Here are five songs on the cusp between almost good and almost meh.

25. GEORGIA Iru - “Echo” Semi 2, #slot11

Iru set a weird new standard for eurofandom cabin fever when they concluded that Georgia were GIVING OFF WINNER vibes based A FUCKING PHOTOGRAPH.

OMG SO FIERCE SHE’S GONNA SLAY -- really stupid people. 

Fortunately, “Echo” soon released and instantly erased this nonsense 🙂. And let “nonsense” be the ideal word to describe “Echo” with. Dear Georgia, the fuck’s this chorus?

Days in a row I'm thinking, I know I've got a big faith My love is my crown Will be better way Will be better day now It is not a secret

Eurovision is no stranger to word salads, especially from Georgia, but “Echo” is a word casserole. It follows the Barkerian approach of throwing logic out of the window and treating words as merely another layer of sound. You cannot PRETEND to have meaning and also do this, sorry that doesn’t work! Come back when ur sober...x. 

But what about the rest of the song? I suppose there is an interesting structure here where “Echo” just discards a beginning and ending, and just jumps into three minutes of straight action. Breaking conventional norms! The interest is fully academic though because it just doesn’t work. If you’re thrust into the action immediately and unprepared as a first time viewer, nothing is going to fucking stick, innit?

Like yeah, I know. This is Georgia and they’re a bit different than most other countries and we’re expect to believe they’re MASTERING the avant garde genre after delighting us with “Midnight Gold” and “Visionary Dream”... and yet I’m not buying into it this year. “Echo” is no less of a sham than “Jezinky” or “Secreto del Aqua” (or, dare I say, that other Blanca Paloma song?) in that it just showboats baseline artistry + power vocals while neglecting to deliver the base product of a good song - and they get away with ALL of it because Iru is a woman!

In terms of personal enjoyment, Georgia probably should have been a part of the last update (Iru’s virtually tied with Alika), but eh. “Echo” is a lot of things (at once.), but it’s not BORING. It tries to bring something different to the table and I can respect the attempt. The result’s just... kinda stupid and nonsensical, that’s all. 🤷‍♀️

Odds at Eurovision - Georgia

“Echo” is one of several borderlines in semi 2, so it really depends on how well Georgia stage it and how awful the other BLs are. 

The main hurdle they face is general appeal. “Echo” lacks a clear beginning or end, let alone a base fucking narrative which makes it very difficult to get into. The only trump card Georgia have are Iru’s vocals, but what advantage would this screaming woman have over an Alika or a Diljá? a draw in the middle of the favourite (and directly after the criminally underrated Slovene entry) won’t do them much favours either. 

It all boils down to how well Georgia get their artistic vision across and this has been tried and ruled to be televote repellent for the past seven contests. 

If Georgia do qualify, it would be a good indicator that there is some mass appeal there and, I could see “Echo” getting a midtable result with moderately positive acclaim from both vote bases. 

I do NOT believe Georgia are coming top 10 though. 🙂 12th is their celing, sorry to disappoint you now BUT IT’ S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD TO GET USED TO DISAPPOINTMENT ONCE SHE DOES WORSE THAN THAT IN LIVERPOOL. 

Qualifier Tier: C Projected placement: 7th-14th (Semi), 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

24. DENMARK Reiley - “Breaking my heart” Semi 2, slot #01

This lil’ fucker is twenty-five.

Weeerq? 

This seems like a good point to eliminate Reiley. You know my taste by now, and are fully aware that “K-pop loving twink” is NOT a flavour I particularly like or care for, in any medium or universe.

However, I don’t really mind Reiley at all oops. Should I? I know people loved that uncanny valley rock song and that awkward marriage duet, but when I heard the Danish hopefuls (only once, I assure you) I was surprised to like the TikTok twink the most. And then he won, HOORAY!

Unfortunately we’re sort of in the ReDDI zone here where I liked Reiley the most at DMGP and wanted him to win... but DMGP is always kinda shit, so once he won and one has to compare “Breaking my heart” to songs that are actually, you know, better than “just okay”, he immediately dropped to upper yellow and stayed there forevermore.

For me personally the big dealbreaker isn’t so much the K-pop inspired music or the twinkishness or the fact that he’s a fucking INFLUENCER with a clearly fake follower count - it’s the fucking aggro autotune. the “IF WE COULD GO BACK TO THE START”s of “Breaking my heart”  should have been THE slope I could have slid down into embracing a Danish entry just this once (in a similar way to how allowing “Ciutoooo tuuuuto” to dwell rent-free in my brain made me enjoy “Stay” way more than I should), but the robot voice ruins it for me. You sir, are no Olson brother. 😌

Odds at Eurovision - Denmark

Another one of those Semi 2 borderline qualifiers, eh? Well, I’m tempted to say Denmark make it through in their usual 10th place since at Eurovision there’s always a place for upbeat bouncy pop (and also, semi 2 is generally just kinda miserable) and Reiley does have a (clearly fake but still) large enough follower count. 

However, Denmark are on first and this may be just my wrong impression, but I think “Breaking my heart” is a shittttt opener. Semi 2 doesn’t exactly have good opening material in its first half, but i would have let Belgium kick it off, surely?  Semi 2 has a slow start and by being a fairly meh first act Reiley is in part responsible FOR the early show lethargy. 

If Denmark do qualify, I think they’ll get a lowish result in the Grand Final. Unless they get massive traction from juries in a Lake Malawi sort of way (which I doubt because “Breakin’ my heart” is sadly, not very catchy), I’d guesstimate they’ll come crashing into a bottom 5 position. 

Qualifier Tier: C+ Projected placement: 8th-12th (semi), 23rd-26th (Grand Final)

----------------------------------------------------------

23. SPAIN Blanca Paloma - “Eaea”  Autoqualifier

I am going to regret this, am I not? 🙄😣

So yeah, Spain’s entry is fine. I HATED that Blanca won with such overwhelming force, beating Nochentera and Arcadia (two of the best, if not the two best acts of the NF season), but w/e I’m over it. I don’t think anyone can deny that Blanca Paloma is a visionary artist with a clear understanding of both visual spectacle and musical fusion. She manages to really NAIL a flamenco punk vocal (arguably one of the three best vocalists in the year, the other two being Gustaph and Andrejs from Sudden Lights) and supports it with an act that is a feast for the eyes.

In sum,  Everything about “Eaea” is great!

Except for the fucking song. 

Ya see, Spain’s really in the same ballpark as Georgia for me: Their song is basically a bunch of nonsense that should be deemed unviable on the spot through sheer logic, but is revered by the fandom through a combination of latent misandry and stockholm syndrome. “Eaea is at least more of a song than than “Echo” is - its lyrics make sense and the song follows a clear narrative. Hence the Reiley-sized gap between them on the ranking. 

However, “Eaea” has a different Big Problem in that it builds promise right at the start, and then seemingly devolves into a two-minute vocal masturbation exercise, and that’s where it loses me.  I LIKE the flamenco vocals, but I don’t like the way it is used in the song. It’s exhausting. The music plays second fiddle to the vocals and I feel like it should be the other way around! I really don’t fucking CARE about the Where I Ams of this world, sorry, never have, never shall!

So what do I fucking do with an act that I enjoy looking at and DON’T enjoy listening to? I suppose I use them as the dividing line between what I like and what I don’t like, I guess? Everything else about Spain is great this year, so idk, maybe I’ll like it at the end? 

Basically, I need more time to ruminate over where I like “Eaea” or not, and in what capacity. I don’t fucking know right now, and thinking about it (and the reaction of the Spaintard when they stumble across this post) ages me. I’ve decded that I’ll give an answer after Blanca’s ESC journey has been completed, so I’ll just dump her here and you’ll just have to deal. :-) 

Which brings me to:

Odds at Eurovision - SPAIN

To be fair, when Eaea first won I thought it would be the usual overrated Spanish entry that would flop at ESC. Like genuinely, mid-table? Honestly, I feel like that could have been the result in a competitive year.

However, I have to retract my words here. As more entries poured in and the year became  progressively less competitive, it also became clear to me that Spain will indeed do very well in Liverpool. For the gripes that I have about her song, Blanca has consistently been excellent live in both vocals and acting. As the days pass, the more convinced I am she will be able to bluff her way into the hearts of juries and televoters and eke out another top five for Spain. 

I doubt she wins though, which is what the Blancaheads would like you to believe. On paper, Spain is a dark horse contender, the most likely winner after Finland and Sweden, but let’s be fair, it really just is Sweden or Finland, with zero chance of anyone else? It’s looking more and more like a Loreen coronation to a point I want to vomit one could even argue Käärijä is a Dark Horse to win it now.

But yeah, I no longer believe she’s midtable anymore, and I will be very angry with myself if she does flop (she won’t) for not sticking to my first impression. 🙂

Cool electric guitar though. 🙂

Projected Placement: 2nd-5th (prediction: 3rd)

22. GERMANY Lord of the Lost - “Blood and glitter” Autoqualifier

Okay, so Lord of the Lost are the first act on this ranking that I will say I ~like~, but only just. 🙂

Let’s start with the good bits. CAMPY SCHLAGER METAL YESSSS  😍 INSTANTLY MEMORABLE VISUAL SPECTACLE YESSSS  😍 ENERGY SPIKES DURING A BORINGDULL LIVE SHOW YESSSS 😍

Added bonus: Germany FINALLY selecting something entertaining and non-conformist in forever. Bag that safe and insipid era!!!

Now, the not good bits. Which us honestly  just one big thing: “Blood and glitter” is not very exciting. DESPITE BEING WHAT IT IS. 

I feel like there are several smaller reasons why it doesn’t excite me as much: The cadence of the verses is arrhythmic and disturbs the flow they’re going for, and while Lord of the Lost went far enough on their campy gore for a shitshow like Unser Lied, I don’t think they go far enough for Eurovision (at least not yet). I’m taking about both music AND staging btw.

The biggest killer for me though is that I feel like “Blood and glitter” just lasts too fucking long. Around the halfway point Lord of the Lost just start to repeat the chorus in different music styles and that makes the second half tedious and, dare I say it, kinda boring? It’s like the end of Return of the King, except the Fellowship are all Orcs.

Overall though, I do feel like Germany show promise and I like them... but they have a long road ahead if they want to rise on this ranking come May. 😶

Odds at Eurovision - Germany

This one’s easy: midtable result at best, probably in the third quadrant of the scoreboard. If the Unser Lied vote was any indicator, we’re in for a very low jury and high-ish televote. 

I do NOT buy that the televote by itself will be enough to carry Germany into the top 10, which is a take I’ve heard from others. Like, they’ll get points, enough to avoid the bottom five, but surely we should realize by now that Käärijâ will receive the bulk of the metalheads’ votes, followed distantly by Voyager. Lord of the Lost’s tally will be whatever crumbs those two didn’t eat. (like Finland’s TV for instance).

Germany need to make Blood and Glitter more exciting through its staging, but I also don’t trust ARD at all. Germany have had too many outright failures as of late. Which may be Germany’s biggest hurdle overall. When most people expect you to be bad, it’s a LOT of work to convince them you’re worthy of being given a chance, regardless of whether you are or not. 

And a song with six final choruses may not be the best at achieving that lofty goal.

Projected placement: 14th-20th

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21. AZERBAIJAN TuralTuranX - “Tell me more” Semi 1, slot #12

WEIRDO TWINBEASTS <3333

After last year’s Nadir debacle I promised myself to hate  Azerbaijan’s crap no matter what!! 

Once they announced their act, a pair emaciated gremlin twinks with a stage name straight from MySpace, I convinced myself they would be shit and I would HATE them! 

And yet, “Tell me more” released and against every impulse, I liked it almost immediately! Socially awkward and yet touchingly naive, it’s a song that lights up like Napolean Dynamite. It feels like a very fitting choice for a contest set in the same city that produced The Beatles. 😁

Out of the many things you can say about Azerbaijan at ESC, their most prominent trait has always been the steady stream of Swedish McSongs performed by jazz singers who clearly despised the experience. 

It is refreshing to have that very same country send an awkward, unpretentious self-composed Britrock song by two young men that actually seem to embrace the experience for once. Tural and Turan not only attended a few of the preparties (which the Azerbaijani NEVER do), they actually joined the afterparty in Amsterdam as well, where they -to my delight- appeared to deliberately avoid Ell -who was also present :/ - before mingling with the fans. Clearly Tural and Turan are guys willing to live their best live, and I support it.

So why rank them only 21st in spite of the praise? Well, BECAUSE I HAVE SMELLED BLOOD. 😈😈😈😈

Odds at Eurovision - AZERBAIJAN

We’re finally getting it: The rare Azerbaijani NQ, and I’m SO excited for it. Yes, it of course is going to happen when Azer are sending their most risky, quirky and authentic entry in years, that’s just how the universe works. It is unfortunate whenever daring and originality are rewarded with failure, but guess what - recompense for last year, bitches. 

The Nadir tomfoolery was inexcusable (Andrea was ROBBED!) and we’re owned payment in the form of a cold hard NQ. 

In that regard, I absolutely believe Tural and Turan will deliver because (1) awkward twinbeasts (2) “Tell Me More” is already strange and unvoteable in itself (3) they’re up right after Loreen. Three strikes and ur OWT. 

Like realistically, I could see Azer finish ahead Ireland and Netherlands... and maybe Shitzerland in the televote. But who is going to pick up their phone for a despised jury pet? The Brits who cannot vote in semi 1 anyway? Latvia?

The cherry on the sundae: I honestly do believe “Tell Me More” would be Q with juries, or even Q *thanks to* the juries, if juries were to play a part in the semfinal. But they won’t, so OOPS can’t resort to your old tactics this time around Azer! Too bad! So sad! 🙂

Projected placement: 11th-15th (Semifinal)

THE RANKING:

Part 1: The BAD entries   (Switzerland / Croatia / Israel / Greece) Part 2: the IRRELEVANT entries  (Ireland / Albania / Netherlands / San Marino) Part 3: The Borewhores (Estonia / Ukraine / Cyprus / Italy) next up, entries I enjoy! Hooray!