#Jean angst

[justauthoring]

a/n: mild spoilers for aot finale i guess? honestly, it's very vague and doesn't go into any detail but still. this is also strongly inspired by aot rewrite, the bond, so expect a scene like this when i get to season four lol.

-

You relish in these moments.

These brief, temporary moments that always end far too soon before the looming threat of death weighs down on your shoulders once more, so heavy and so persistent you feel as if your legs might give out from beneath you.

You loved them even more when Jean stood in front of you.

His hands splayed across you, drifting across your body as he pulls at the leather straps wrapped around you, making sure they’re tight and secure and not going to give out when you jumped out of the plane and descended upon what could very well be your doom. You’ve experienced this enough times to have lost count and yet, it’s never any less scary. 

You know he feels the same. Can feel the slight tremor of his hands as his eyes focus on you, or rather your body, not letting anything distract him as he makes sure everything is okay. He’s done this since the two of you got together, and honestly before that, while it hadn’t been quite as intimate, he’d still taken extra care to make sure you were strapped in properly to the ODM gear, that your gear wasn’t broken or malfunctioned in any way. 

You figured this gave him a sense of control.

Something he lost when the both of you went out there.

And you understood – the two of you would always keep your eyes on each other, make sure you were okay, but things happened. Sometimes, you get separated. Sometimes, you are assigned separate missions, ordered on the far ends of each other. Sometimes, shit went to shit (which happened more than you’d like to think about) and you just couldn’t keep an eye on each other. But here? He can assure you’re ready, strapped in tight and safe and that everythings okay before he won’t know anymore.

“Jean.”

He doesn’t respond or falter. Your call of his name is soft, a mere whisper, but the two of you are tucked away into a corner away from the others and honestly, they were just as dead silent – you’ve all done this a million times but… still. This was different. It just was.

“Jean, look at me.”

Fingers pause, splayed across your shoulders, his eyes slowly flicker up to your own. He can barely meet your own, and the fear that blatantly stares back at you scares you, makes your heart hurt and you wish you could just take it all away but the harsh reality is you can’t.

This is your reality.

“It’ll be okay.”

He shakes his head, head bowed; “you don’t know that.”

“You’re right,” you admit, because there’s no point arguing. You don’t know. That’s why all of this is so terrifying. “I don’t know if it’ll be okay and I don’t know what’s going to happen the second we leave this plane. But, Jean,” shifting, you cup both of his cheeks with your hands, palms pressing against his skin as you meet his gaze, never faltering, never wavering–he needs to know this. “I know that I will do everything in my power to come back to you. And I know you’ll do the same.”

He shuffles closer, pressing his chest against yours as his hands move to your hips, tugging you closer. “Yeah,” he mumbles, voice husky and lips inches away from your own. “Always.” 

Letting your forehead fall against his own, you let your eyes fall shut; “we come back to each other, yeah?”

His grip tenses, squeezing, as he lets out one last shuttering breath.

“Yeah.”

[ohimsummer]

been thinking about the alternate ending to being w/ fuckboy! Jean where he abandons reader and they end up w/ Connie

content: fem! reader x connie, unrequited love, ft. Jean, modern!au, established relationship, soooort of angsty ig?

Jean fucked up.

He started having feelings about his wrongdoings once he grew out of his childish, immature, college freshman personality. It was a few years after graduation, where he’d finally started acting like a real adult with responsibilities. When he stopped being an asshole and treating girls like toys just there for his amusement. When he lay amongst cold sheets at night, alone, craving more than just the high of a one-night-stand. It was on one of those empty, quiet nights that he knew he fucked up with you.

You’d been head-over-heels infatuated with him, and terrible at hiding it. Easy pickings for Jean at the time, he loved girls like you; they jumped at the thought of Jean claiming them, not aware he’d leave them heartbroken and falling apart in a couple of weeks. All you knew was that the handsome face you adored was giving you his attention. Jean was pulling you into him and holding off other admirers who definitely had better intentions for you. You didn’t know Jean was just using you for a quick fuck, and would ditch you the moment he grew tired of your company.

That moment came sooner than you were ready for. You couldn’t have been together more than a month. Jean slept with you a few times, and then completely ghosted you after. He knew you wouldn’t confront him in front of his friends, and it was almost effortless to avoid you around campus. You caught on way quicker than past partners of his, or maybe you were just less desperate. It took less than a week for you to give up your efforts, and trying to purge Jean from your mind.

One of his best friends, Connie, had a crush on you, Connie didn’t like the way Jean had treated you, especially knowing that Jean knew he liked you. Jean didn’t care. He did what he wanted, not giving too much of a fuck about how Connie felt. ‘You can still have her.’, he said, totally insensitive to the situation.’I’m done with her now.’  Jean thought Connie stopped pursuing you, having never mentioned your name again. He assumed Connie was just jealous and put-off that he’d gotten to you first. 

It was six months later that Jean found out the truth, and only by pure luck. He caught a glimpse of you at Connie’s house after showing up unannounced, rushing back into his bedroom wrapped in a towel and quietly shutting the door behind you.

“Who was that?”, he asks Connie.

Connie glances over his shoulder, nibbling on his bottom lip before he answers.”Ah, my girl’s back there showering.”

That’s all he would say, and all Jean would ask. He stayed over for a few minutes to talk to Connie before his friend ushered him out. “Going out with my girl for a while. We can talk later, yeah?”

“Uh..yeah.”

He never asked again, and Connie never brought you up, except only in passing. And now Jean lay here, years later, isolated and bored in his room, craving touch and your touch specifically. He vaguely remembers the ghost of your fingertips clutching onto him for dear life years ago, never wanting to let him go. How tight you used to hold his hand, how bright your smile was when Jean would kiss your knuckles and lie to you about putting a ring on your finger some day. His stomach drops when he recalls that grief-stricken look you gave him when you realized he didn’t actually love you. That shattered stare you gave him from across the room as you watched some girl cling to him, and Jean pretending not to notice you. The thought makes him sick. He thinks about how different he felt with you, how much you loved to love him and how good it felt to be around you. How he just ignored that unique feeling of love he had for you, and threw it all away because he was stupid and just interested in using people for his own pleasure. He’d never get the chance to have you back or make it up to you, and he was reminded of it every time he glanced at the little silver ring hanging from a chain around your neck.

He really fucked up.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Breaking up with them -Jean and Keqing

Characters: Jean Gunnhildr & Keqing

Genre: Angst

A/N: GN reader in Jean's, Male reader in Keqing's, a passing mention of sex, no comfort. Keqing is quite mean in this one.

Jean Gunnhildr

You knew what you signed up for when you accepted Jean's proposal. Long hours at the office limited the time you two could spend together, and you were okay with it. At first. After three months of seeing her working herself down to the bone, you started taking interest in what she was *actually* busying herself with. You asked the other closest person to her, Lisa. And what you found was... You had conflicted feelings about it. On one side, imagining Jean climbing the rooftops in search of signposts blown away by the wind was quite funny, albeit frustrating. On the other hand, it broke your heart. This was what she was doing instead of taking care of herself? Instead of eating regularly, sleeping, spending time with you?

Another date idea, another promise. Another disappointment. You agreed on hanging out at 9PM on Star Snatch Cliff. You figured it would be late enough for Jean to have finished her work, but not too late to be tired. And Jean, despite having agreed to it, didn't show up. You waited for about two hours before heading back to the town. All of the candles, the bottle of dandelion wine, crackers and cheese you've prepared, splayed out on the blanket, looked like they were mocking you. How stupid you've been, they say, to think that she would come. You were even thinking that yourself. You took a sizable book with you to keep yourself from getting bored. It became a habit of yours when the streak of missed dates reached three.

Before you left for the city, the candles landed in the sea.

The first person you saw in the headquarters was Otto. You inquired about Jean's location, and heard the expected answer. It turned out that she passed out on her desk. Normally, you would scoop her up into your arms and carry her home, jokingly scolding the woman for her behavior. Maybe you would have done that two months ago. Now, you just shaked her gently.

As soon as her eyes met yours, she jolted upright. Her gaze quickly turned towards the grandfather clock in her room. It was well past midnight. She opened her mouth to speak, but you cut her off.

"What was it this time, Acting Grandmaster? Fighting some Hilichurls a boy with a sword could handle for a few thousand Mora? Or delivering fowls and berries to the Good Hunter?" You asked, a bit more harshly than you wanted.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, I really am. I just got all of these papers to fill, and I really had to complete them, I swear, and one hour turned into two and... and... it came out as it did." A slurry of words came out of her mouth in response. You could tell the tone was apologetic, but it meant nothing. It sounded like she cared, but nothing could be further from the truth. If she really was, she would have at least tried to change.

"Sure, sure. Let me see what the fuss is about." Jean raised her hand to stop you, but you snatched a handful of files from the top of her little pile of shame. 

"Favonius kitchen spendings." You flipped to another page. "Break room damage review. Maid work orders. What is this, and why do you have to waste your time on it?"

Jean stayed silent. She lowered her gaze, feeling a pool of shame in her stomach. There was no answer, really. She had a habit of taking all the bureaucracy she was offered. Jean knows this is bad, you've told her countless times. She promised to change, but it always went back to the starting point. She knew this was her fault.

Seeing her dejected expression, you almost felt sorry for fighting Jean right now, at this hour. Almost.

You still pulled out the wine bottle, and headed for her cupboard. Upon seeing your reflection in the clean glass, however, you halted yourself. Was this really healthy? Are you really going to try again? Isn't this madness, trying something you know won't get the expected results over and over again, hoping to see a change?

Yes, this was indeed wrong.

You went back towards the door, turning to the large flower pot in the corner. It housed a healthy bush of blooming dandelions. It was a gift from you for her twenty-third birthday. Getting these to grow in a pot was a struggle, even for Albedo whose help you enlisted. But after a few months you managed it, and you couldn't have felt more proud of it. It all seemed so stupid now.

In a burst of frustration, or sadness - at this point you weren't sure - you removed the cork (you've already unsealed the bottle to sip a little of the alcohol in order to help you cope with the cold and loneliness hours before) and tilted the bottle over the decoration. Jean watched in horror as the wine poured down to the soil, staining it red. Tears formed in her eyes. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do. For the last year you showed her immense patience and understanding, helped her everywhere you could, comforted her when in need and she couldn't eve find a few hours in her day for you.

"Find me when you finally come to your senses, Jean."

She heard the door click close, leaving her in silence. Holding her emotions in became impossible as the realization dawned on her. She buried her face in her hands, and laid down on her desk.

It was all her fault.

Keqing

Loving Keqing was hard, to say the least. Being the Yuheng came with a lot of responsibilities, meaning little free time usually remained for you two to enjoy. Unfortunately, that 'free time' of hers would often turn into voluntary overtime, leaving you to spend your time alone. It was bearable at first. You met in the morning for breakfast before she scurried off to her tasks, and late in the night to rest together. She made a lot of promises to 'free up her schedule', and occasionally she really did. But the time you spent together slowly grew more awkward as her workload increased. Less and less interactions took place between you. It came down to a few 'good mornings' and 'how was your days', maybe some 'good nights' as well. The long debates about the future, friendly arguments about values, shopping and hiking, were gone. The spark in her eyes when you finally had free time was gone, replaced with a distant expression and a dull voice. Most nights you would just stare at the ceiling, holding your hand on the empty side of the bed to feel any connection to your girlfriend. Sometimes this loneliness would last for weeks. But it was your second month of isolation, and you were reaching a breaking point.

You pick at the food on your plate. On the opposite side of the table sits Keqing, practically inhaling the Golden Shrimp Balls you made her. It was late afternoon, and she had much more things to do. In a rare moment of realization, she took a fifteen minute break to visit you and have a meal together. In her eyes you could see all the thoughts rushing through her brain. None of the considerations were about you, however. Not a thought, even a passing one. She didn't try to spark a conversation at any point. Actually, scratch that. Having a meal together is saying too much. You were just eating at the same table.

Keqing pushes the empty plate towards you, and moves to get up.

"Thank you fo-"

You stand up and grab her forearm, preventing her from running off again.

"No, Keqing. We need to talk." You say firmly, not letting go.

She rolls her eyes, a gesture which makes your blood run faster.

"Y/N, is it really that important? I have places to go. Can't we put this off for later?" She asks, politely, but in a rushed fashion.

"Put off, you say? Put off for when, exactly?"

"For when I have free time, obviously. But that's not now, Y/N. I'm really busy with the Qixing because of the Lant-"

"The Qixing." You cut her off again, much to her frustration. "The Qixing. It's all there is to you, isn't it?"

Keqing relaxes her tug on your arm, seemingly caught off-guard by your statement.

"Come again?" She asks.

"I rarely see you do anything other than sign papers and run errands for Ningguang. You work six hours of overtime every day. On your own demand." You point out.

"Yes, and what about it?" She sounds annoyed now.

"What about it? Well, I get the feeling you prioritize them over me."

She opens her mouth to bite back, but closes it shortly. She tries again.

"That's not true. I do not prefer my job over you."

"Oh really? When was the last time we did something together?"

"We... We made love a few times recently, have we not? Isn't it enough for you?"

What.

She was right. You did. But the sex didn't make up for her negligent behavior, especially that it was so obviously forced. There was no passion, no excitement from either of you, like with your first few times. There was no chemistry between you. She didn't arrange any romantic meeting like you always did. She just randomly came up to you one night and asked, practically demanded it. You fulfilled her wish, obviously, but she didn't look very satisfied. Her mind was clearly somewhere else. As soon as you were done, she went for the bathroom and back to sleep in a span of ten minutes. She needed to get to work in six hours, so she wanted to get any sleep she could. All of this made it feel not like quality time, but like scraps of attention thrown your way.

And she thinks it's all you need from her? You voiced your concerns.

"You think so low of me?"

"Low?"

"Do you think it's all I need from you? Do you think a few kisses will suddenly make up for all of those times you've left me hanging, alone in the cold, because something came up?"

She huffs.

"Building a strong and prosperous Liyue is my dream, and I'm willing to sacrifice my personal things for it."

You laugh at just how selfish she is.

"You don't consider me a party in this scenario? You call me a thing? Oh, and wasn't starting a family one of your dreams, too? You said it a few months back, when we went on a trip around the coast. Have you forgotten already?"

Keqing furrows her brows, but the frown of annoyance doesn't leave her features.

"I want to make this country safe before we do that. These are the basic conditions, you know."

"A basic condition is also having a loving husband who wants the same, is it not?

"You don't love me?" It's the first question she asks, almost instinctively. It's the easiest thing to inquire about, and may give her some time to think of a response.

"I don't think that's the case anymore, Keqing."

Your answer throws her off guard.

"What do you mean?" She asks, now much less dismissive of your entire exchange.

"You feel... like a stranger to me. You rarely spend time with me nowadays. When was the last time you had a free day, during which we could just rest and do something fun? Go shopping, or to the mountains? Where are the long, meaningful talks we used to have?"

She is pensive. Combing through her memory yields no results of any recent rest days.

"I know it's been stale between us, I've been snowed under work, but I promise it's going to get better soon." Her voice is not so firm anymore.

"I'm sorry, but it's been two months. For sixty days you have neglected me. You showed me that strangers are more important than me. What was that hangout with the Traveler about? You can find time for him, but not for me?"

She remembers now. Indeed, she entertained Aether for a few hours, at first for job-related reasons. But it was simply fun being around him and Paimon, even up to the point when she agreed to go have a meal with the two. It ended up taking an entire day.

Her eyes widen as, slowly, the realization dawns on her. She forgot. Forgot about you.

"S-surely you don't want to...?" She asks, hoping to get a comforting response.

"Yes, Keqing. I think it's best we split up here. "

No.

No no no.

"B-but... what about o-our dream? About our family, our wedding, our future?"

"It's not your dream. If it was, we wouldn't be talking about it right now. But looks like you treated this more like a distraction. You treated me as a distraction."

Her heart cracks more and more with every word.

"That's n-not true!"

You let go of her hand and turn to leave.

"So I won't distract you any further. You have a country to run, after all."

Keqing grabs your forearm weakly, hoping, praying to make you stay.

"Don't g-go. Please."

You yank your arm away, and move away from the table.

"Goodbye, Lady Yuheng. Good luck with your work."

You've left the restaurant, and the woman is alone, safe for a few people in the corner. Her title falling from your lips hurt. It felt so cold and spiteful, despite being said so emotionlessly. Her mind raced, attempting to cover everything that would change from now on. Her plan was left in splinters. Since you were now gone, she couldn't propose on top of mt. Tianheng, like she envisioned it. You couldn't get married in the Jade Chamber. You couldn't plan and build your own house from the ground up. And you couldn't have children. You couldn't travel to Inazuma, couldn't have a beach day, couldn't start a garden, couldn't adopt a pet.

All of her dreams involving you just burnt to the ground in a span of merely ten minutes.

Her knuckles are white from how powerful her grip is on her purple dress. Keqing's fingers wrinkle the material as soft tears flow over her cheeks. She stiffles a sob.

Gone.

Everything is gone.

Thanks for reading!

[jeanbie]

WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU #4 ★ masterlist.

pairing: jean x reader

genre: major canon divergence fic | warnings: scouting mission events, blood, gore, violence, character death, lance is fictional, decapitations | wc: 3.1k

note: emphasis on canon divergence! you've been warned :P

⏤ Imagine the way they say I love you. Imagine the words choked out as hands race over skin, checking for injuries and begging for reassurance.

Captain Levi told every recruit when they first joined the Survey Corps that one of the most important things to remember whilst being a cadet was not to pay attention, or remember to tighten your harnesses before leaving for breakfast, but instead, he preached that under absolutely zero circumstances should you ever, if you can try, ever fall in love within the ranks.

It hadn’t seemed obvious to the cadets at the time, because wasn’t love good? Wasn’t love what fuelled the motivation to return? Surely, Captain Levi, this was good. But, the Captain stared back at the crowd of novice cadets and frowned, a pinched irritation between his eyebrows. 

“Imagine going into battle and becoming distracted because all you can care about is the safety of that person,” Captain Levi had said, gently resting his hands on his knees, speaking as though telling from experience. Perhaps he was. “Imagine putting all your love and time into this one person, and then having that person ripped from your hands.” 

Nobody had said anything, and only sat there with dawning realisation as Captain Levi stood from his chair and tucked it under the table quietly. “None of you deserve that pain. Do as I say, and you’ll thank me when it’s all over.”

Jean had been there listening that day, sitting on a chair next to Lance, who had found himself a favourite of Squad Leader Hange. He had shifted uncomfortably under the judgemental gaze of the shorter captain, but as he walked away with his head tucked down and his chin on his torso, Jean suddenly felt a new wave of respect for his Captain. Watching as Captain Levi retreated out of the hall without another word, silently dismissing everybody present, Jean sucked in a breath when beside him, you nudged his elbow with a small smile.

Jean was not on your squad; despite joining the scouts together, Captain Levi had made the decision to split you, with Jean joining Captain Hange's squad and Squad Leader Mike taking yourself. As the gates lifted at a chillingly slow speed, Jean chanced a glance in your direction, and his heart paused when you looked right back at him. 

Quietly he chuckled, the sight of a toothy smile hitting him in the face and then shyly retreating to look back towards the back of Mike’s head. Jean watched for a moment longer and then suddenly looked away, meeting the quick glance from Captain Levi. The Captain said nothing, because he didn’t need to say anything. Jean looked down quickly with a spreading feeling of shame at being caught, and frustration at being the first known cadet to break Captain Levi’s golden rule.

The city stood in spires of thick smoke, the distant growls of hungry and wandering titans filling the city as the squad rolled in, immediately falling into their formations. Nobody had ventured into this area since it had fallen, evident by the piles of chalky rubble and bodies and limbs littered like petals from a wedding, stained blood pools and flattened bodies underneath fallen boulders the size of small houses. Jean clenched the reigns of his horse tighter, the skin of his hands turning bone white- the city felt eerily silent towards the west side that Jean and the rest of his squad had moved towards. This time, and uncharacteristic of his Captain, Hange was wordless, looking at the damage quickly, missing nothing. Jean did the same, cowering as they passed the shadows cast by the passing buildings, jagged and reflecting like monsters teeth before the sun. 

“Grumbling, east, Captain,” Monicka said, her hair framing her collarbones as she looked in that direction and then back at Hange, who nodded with a grunt and continued forward. “We should investigate that. It’s getting closer, Captain.”

“The surrounding squads will do their jobs,” Felix replied with a frown. “You should lower your voice.”

Monicka’s eyebrows furrowed. “But-”

Her words were cut short, following the thunderous stuttering of heavy footsteps both beyond and behind the small formation of horses. Jean’s stallion whinnied, standing up on two legs in protest and he quickly calmed him down, whispering hushed assurances as Hange looked behind them and towards two titans bounding towards them. 

“Take those,” they said, already tightening their harness and adjusting their belt. Monicka clung onto the reigns of her horse and called out their name with horror as they stood up off their horse and projected towards the group of titans beyond the formation. A passing glance spread through the group as two other members followed their Captain, leaving Monicka, Jean and Franz to steer backwards, heading on horseback towards the two scurrying towards them, in an attempt to create a diversion.

“Left, Jean!” Monicka screamed over the noise of the wind and the hooves of the horses, pointing out as if it weren’t already obvious by her command. Jean paused and did as she said, making a movement left which alerted his horse to move in that direction, catching the attention of one of the titans. If he could just make it towards the end of this street, he’d be able to launch off and swing back around and-

As he planned his escape in his head, Jean had no time to retaliate at the sight of another titan jumping in front of his horse, startling them both. He attempted to grip for dear life on the reigns but when his horse again rose, he flung Jean up off his back and scampered between the legs of the titan, who crouched and ignored the mare to move towards Jean. He hissed out a string of curses and launched between the space of his legs, following his horse down the end of the street and turning up and out, landing on one of the sloped roofs of a nearby house, out of the titans scrawny reach.

From his stance on the roof, Jean could get a scope for the district; he paused to take it all in, the chaotic and destructive beauty of the fallen architecture and contrasting greens of nearby fields, spreading with dull flames and dry yellow grass dusted with brown and black. Jean rubbed at his thighs, feeling an ache and when he happened to look over in the direction of the nearby fields, he froze. 

The characteristic sight of Commander Erwin’s blonde hair screamed out amongst the burnt landscape and immediately Jean’s body went cold, his eyes instinctively scanning the environment to look for you- for your hair, and your small frame, and the way your cape was too big due to sizes and stock being scarce. Your enrolment group had been larger than usual. He searched frantically, not even noticing his heartbeat increasing. Almost comically so, a large sigh escaped his lips when he spotted a retreating figure on foot, hair cut bluntly to their chin, the cape that had been pulled apart. Wait, on foot?

Jean launched himself down from the roof and towards the scene, passing the rest of his squad who had joined further down the street. He prayed that Captain Levi hadn’t noticed him whiz past from somewhere, but knowing Levi, he knew. In-fact, he watched with an almost pitiful look after having crossed paths with Hange's squad as Jean soared past, failing to mention it to the rest of Hange's squad who worried about Jean’s safety. Because Jean’s smart, Franz had said with a disbelieving smile, he knows how to get around, he’s fine. He could be punished later.

Down on the ground, Jean rushed past a pile of abandoned rubble and towards the meadow, however, he stopped dead in his tracks when the figure he had spotted rushed past him wearing a face entirely different to your own. His heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach, a sour taste in his mouth.

“Kirstein?!”

Jean turned suddenly, flinching when a senior cadet took down a titan near the river. Lance ran towards him with a worried expression. “Where the hell’s the rest of your squad? Is your captain okay?”

“I-I don’t know, a titan came and fuckin- look, have you seen Y/N?” Jean replied, straining his voice over the volume of the chaos. “Is she okay?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know? I’m not on her squad!” Lance yelled, and before he left, he smacked Jean on his shoulder and pointed in a vague direction: “Saw Erwin’s head of fucking precious yellow hair go that way. Dunno about Mike. She could be down there? I don’t know, look, I ain’t got time for this, sorry!”

So suddenly, Jean didn’t even care, or care to bid Lance a mutual farewell. Instead, he hurried across the dried and barren grass in the direction Lance had gestured to, parting the smoke with his bare hands like curtains as he ran. As he ran, and occasionally joined other cadets and soldiers take down loitering titans, Jean couldn’t rid of Levi’s voice, taunting and judging and hissing and yelling, Jean Kirstein you’re a fucking failure, you couldn’t even follow the easiest instruction, and now look at you!

But he didn’t care. He couldn’t find it in him to care, as he ran towards where he noticed the body of Hans, another member of Mike’s squad. Jean’s pace quickened, bounding towards him, and as his mouth opened to call out his name, Jean stumbled back with a strangled cry when nearby rubble from a building came crashing down with the impact of an abnormal lunging at its structure, chunks of huge concrete and brick running down like a waterfall and suffocating Hans instantly, a halo of crimson running out from the underside of giant chunks of the nearby chapel. 

All at once, Jean felt like he couldn’t breathe, like his lungs had taken in too much smoke for them to continue keeping him alive. As he began to fall back to the man made jungle of the district, to collect a horse who stood tied to a post, raging to leave in panic, Jean looked across the landscape one last time, about to give up. It was then when he noticed you- and it was you, there was no denying; you dragged a body from underneath a layer of stone towards a little shelter made behind a wagon, with two injured cowered underneath. Jean’s heart wanted to jump out of his chest and he set off on a run, although lengths away. He tried calling out, Y/N! My Y/N!, but his voice carried with the wind, lost in whispers. You couldn’t hear him. You couldn’t see him. Actually, you couldn’t hear or see anything. 

Jean had never run so fast in his entire life. Still too far away, Jean couldn’t avoid looking at the landscape, observing collapses and wincing at roars of pain and victory, and exasperated deaths around him. When his bloodshot gaze fell back onto you, Jean’s eyebrows rose with horror when he noticed a titan creeping up behind you, an arm extending outwards with arthritic fingers curling near your cape. His voice rose in octaves in panic, and he was so close- so, so close-

Jean nearly fell over his own feet with devastation when the titan’s fingers curled around you, yanking you back like a ragdoll. He didn’t stop to marvel at the scene- he ran faster, launching a grappler into the shoulder of the titan and swinging up, choking in the wind and the smoke and the stale smell of blood and sweat and tears, and as he curved and dug his blade unapologetically into the nape of the titan, his face wrangled up in pain at the sound of your screams filling the air. For a moment he caught his balance on the shoulder, doing nothing but watching with horror at the way you fell to the floor in what looked like slow-motion, a chunk of your body missing.

“Y/N! Oh my God, oh my fucking God, Y/N-” Jean instantly moved to the ground next to you, his hands desperately scrambling at nothing- your left-side missing, blood pouring out like water between fingers. In haste, Jean flung off his cloak and wrapped it around you, choking back on his tears. “Oh my God, oh my fucking God, Y/N, I’m so sorry-”

“No-” Your voice broke off with a wince of pain, and you clung onto his hand tightly. “Jean-”

“Oh my God, no, please, come on, baby, you can do it, come on, let me help, come-” His voice trailed off as he hoisted you up by your armpits, dragging you with laboured breaths towards the wagon that had been splintered by the titan’s fall. Jean carefully laid you down, his eyes wide with panic. God knows how long you had left, your last few seconds hanging on by a breaking thread. He watched as your face paled and your soul struggling behind lips, fighting to be free. Jean let out a whine, his head falling to your intertwined hands: “Fuck, this is so fucking unfair. Why did it have to be you-?”

“Jean, please,” you forced your voice to speak. Perhaps he was imagining you tugging on his hands bringing him down, but he did so anyway, his forehead rested just above your breasts. “Jean. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He shook his head. “No. No, come on, Levi can help you- he knows what to do, he always knows what to do, we can save you, you’re not dying today-”

“I am. I am.”

“No.”

“Please, Jean,” you wept. Was the sky getting lighter or was that your vision. “Jean.”

“No!” He exclaimed with fury. “You can’t leave me- you’re the only thing I have left!” After a loud and particularly painful sob left his mouth, Jean moved with his thighs and picked up your head, resting it in his lap with his hands threaded in your hair. “You’re all I have left,” he whispered. “Please. You’re okay, you’re okay. It’s okay, yeah? It’s okay. It’s gonna be over soon, we’ll get you fixed up.”

He had no idea what he was saying. Nothing was okay. Nothing was ever going to be okay.

“I love you,” you croaked, bringing one bloody hand to his cheek and letting it fall back down, leaving a mark of agony across his face, “More than anything in the world.”

Jean could feel the tears spilling down his face, his breaths becoming more uncontrollable as reality came down from the sky and sat on his shoulders, petting his hair. He cursed with his eyes closed and looked down at your missing left side, the blood that had soaked almost black with intensity, the grass painted with ruby. In his head, he dreamt ten thousand dreams; ones that included a recovery, one with a sunny future and front porch and cornfields and a baby, a little baby screaming Mommy and Daddy and a picture frame with the three of you, a snapshot from a wedding, oh a beautiful future he had with you- 

When Jean opened his eyes to look back down at you, the three words on his lips, his lips trembled with denial. Your face had paused, your eyes half-lidded and staring up at the sky with a vacant and ghostly expression, and then, Jean’s heart sank, falling with a crash that shattered it into thousands of pieces. 

With hands in your hair, on your face, running your body, begging for reassurance and screaming for a sign, Jean cradled your limp frame in his arms, his sobbing face buried into the crook of your neck. Your body pressed against his rumbling crying, silenced by the city and the ghosts surrounding him, crouching to your body to pull at your hair and bring you up from the floor to a hug, walking you away across the barrens towards a golden light. Jean watched nothing happen, cursing out the sky. 

“Did you say everything you wanted to?”

Jean sat with his legs swung over the side of the roof, not bothering to move when he heard Captain Levi’s voice call out from behind him, followed by the window being propped open and his smaller body moving to join him on the ledge. 

“How’d you find up here? I thought we closed off that corridor,” Levi said quietly, looking at Jean who stared ahead, wordless. Levi sighed. “Did you?”

Jean finally blinked back a tear. “No.”

A beat of silence passed.

“What would you have said?” Levi asked, not pushing but inquisitive. If there was anybody in the castle who could keep a secret, it would be him, and Jean knew that, carefully picking up his chin to look at the sinking pink sun. 

“I-I would have told her what I wanted to,” Jean started. “I would have told her that I loved her. That I wanted it to be me and not her. I wanted to tell her that she was the best thing in my life. That she was my best friend. That it really was me who ate the last of the cake at dinner last weekend and I lied and blamed Connie instead. I just- I would have let her know that I cared. That I’d miss her.”

Levi averted his gaze, looking down at the forests surrounding the castle. Such a lovely venue for such a dull affair, he thought, and in his head, he thought of that day, filled with rain and blood and complete and utter agony.

Levi licked his lips, swallowing his own lump. “They’re never really gone,” he said finally. “Not really. They’re still with you, one way or another.” He hesitated before pressing a palm into Jean’s shoulder with a tucked in frown. “I think she heard you. I think she knows all of that.”

Jean hoped so. He hoped that Levi’s words- words that could have been scolding I told you so’s and judgemental comments about how Love Finds A Way To Break Your Heart- were true, and he hoped that somewhere, somehow, you knew what your loss meant to him. 

Jean hoped under the sun, the palm on his shoulder, the pinks on his skin, and the bloody handprint on his cheek like a badge of disgraced honour.

[pinkicyheart]

listening to youngblood by 5sos and exbf!jean would totally write and sing these lyrics for you, desperately trying to get you back… the cogs are turning

[chaotic-starlight24]

❗️ for Jean in the OC ask game I haven't seen her in a while

Yay! Jean getting some love! (Sorry I haven't been posting about her)

Jean does not get afraid very easily. But the scariest moment in her life was Roger's biggest breakdown.

Her and LC were sitting at home, Jean at the dinner table drawing stuff and LC sitting across from her with the bills. LC was getting visibly upset but she kept it in so she wouldn't scare Jean. Then Roger came home.

He was not in the greatest mood and LC noticed and confronted him, murmuring to him about the papers and everything that were due soon. Jean wasn't really listening till all of a sudden Roger blew up. Roger does not get angry easily but he was that day. Not at LC or Jean, but about their situation. How his job was not giving him enough to provide for his family. How he couldn't give the woman he loved the life she deserved.

It turned into a yelling match of sorts over all sorts of things. That was the one time Jean felt pure terror. Both were relatively strong cats and Jean was afraid they would hurt each other. But eventually Roger just fell to his knees sobbing. LC ushered Jean to her room and went back out to talk to him. Jean was terrified that it was going to get worse. But it didn't. She could hear through the door Roger telling LC all about how much he loved them but he wasn't able to give them the life they deserved. Past that Jean decided to distract herself by listening to the sounds of the city.

A couple days later she was told that her and LC were going to move to America and Roger would try his best to get bigger jobs and give them a better life.

[zhvakinnn]

minahal kita higit pa sa sarili ko, Diyos ko

Jean x reader

Warnings: angst

A/N: the title was from a Filipino song i heard and aaaaaa i dont understand the words much but its making me sad:')

🍓as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me 🍓

"I understand.." the only thing you spilled in your mouth

Jean just stand there looking down at you, guilty

How dare he, you love him more than anything but he ended up caughting someone's eye's

You've been together for 20 years and this is how he pay you

"I'm sorry"..." I know"

"(name) i-" he stopped and close his mouth when your about to speak he talks again

"(name) i know what you're thinking, that i didn't loved you, (name) your the one and only-"

" until i wasn't?"

"please let me finish.." you stayed silent there

"your the one and only in my life but...i-i just don't know ok when you've been busy in your work i feel like you aren't there anymore"

Now full of anger how the hell did he that to you before he even speak again you slam your palm on the table between him and you

"because i WAS working hard jean while you..you. You were just there i tried everything jean I've been trying. Remember that anniversary night when i was late i had to beg my manager to let me off early so i can go out with you and that's why the other day i was there all night because i have to cut my schedule that day, see while you're there whoring with some woman who will fuck other guy!"

"enough!" Now his the one who slam the table

"just stop.."

"stop what? Telling the truth? Jean i gave you my whole life... Minahal kita higit pa sa sarili ko...Diyos ko ( I loved you more than myself...dear lord) "

He opened his mouth but no words escape

"you can fucking leave now jean, i dont care where you go, or you i don't care about you jean so leave now, you are not staying here after getting the dick with somebody else than your wife"

He watches as you let the ring fall off your finger and threw it on his face

"i dont care if you sell the shit, and I don't care how expensive that is.. tomorrow were getting a divorced paper"

He took the bags and his hat and nodded at you

" goodbye ( name)"

he gave you a sad smile. But you gave him a bitter frown

"goodbye jean"

Masterlist | about me | rules

I'm learning Tagalog and I really wanna listen to Ben&Ben songs!

BTW thank you for reading hope you have a good day/night

[crazychaoticizzy]

“I’m Coming…”

Hearing Jean’s last words makes you remember someone you knew a long time ago…

JEAN X READER

CONTENT: angst, death, hurt (no comfort?), domesticated Jean Kirstein, Jean is a bisexual if you squint really fucking hard, the title is not kinky.

WORD COUNT: 944

masterlist

AOT masterlist

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

This was it…

Jean Kirstein was on his last legs. The same Jean Kirstein who always had something witty to quickly reply with when someone said something ridiculous. The same Jean Kirstein who had gradually become a much better person as the years passed by, who had finally become comfortable in his own skin. The same Jean Kirstein that always had an effective plan for everything.

Your Jean Kirstein was nearly dead. You wished you could do something about it, but it was out of your hands. You needed to let nature take its course.

You sat by his side the entire time. It was a much longer process than you anticipated. Your two grandchildren stayed with the two of you nearly the whole time. Your own children were present as well, though they had their own things to do around the house.

It was late into the evening. While Jean laid in bed and you sat beside him in your chair, your three children conversed. They recounted old memories in his last moments, answering any questions your grandchildren had.

It finally happened when the room was silent, grandchildren quietly reading or drawing and your own watching their father with sad eyes.

You were holding his hand. Tears had already started falling because you knew, you knew these were his last breaths. You knew that after today there would be no more of his witty remarks, his beautiful laugh. No more smudged graphite drawings of long forgotten faces scattered around the house. No more of him.

He squeezed your hand once, which you returned. You brought a hand to cover your mouth and let out a silent sob.

Immediately the rest of your family had come into the room and pulled their chairs closer to his bed, tears filling their eyes as they quietly spoke to him, wishing him well in wherever one went after death.

He had a slight smile on his face, and he brought your hand to his lips to

leave a soft kiss on your fingertips. “I love you,” he said softly.

You nodded, bringing your head down to connect your intwined hands with your forehead. “I love you, too.”

He smiled contently, blinking slowly before he looked up at the ceiling. “I’m coming, Marco…”

Those were his last words. His final breath left you a sobbing mess, so overridden with grief that your entire body shook. You swear your heart shattered into trillions of pieces, and you had just lost the second half of your soul to death’s cruel, cold hands.

You recalled his final words, smiling through the pain at them because he remembered his best friend in his final moments.

You had thought less and less about Marco as the years passed, coming to terms with his death after a while and accepting it. He was taken too soon, and while it left you sobbing for months, you knew you needed to move on.

Jean, however, thought about Marco almost daily. You would sometimes catch him silently talking to himself in a room, speaking aloud to update Marco on life’s happenings. You’d sometimes see a face that resembled the freckled boy’s among the collections of sketches in his study.

It was an arrow to the heart. Both of your best friends were now dead. The loves of your lives gone, and there was almost nothing left for you to live for…

Almost…

“Gramma?” It was your youngest grandchild. She couldn’t pronounce D sounds, so she always skipped over them. She gently tugged at your skirt, and you looked down at her with wet cheeks. Quietly, she asked, “Who’s Marco?”

The room went quiet again. No one else said anything, but you knew they had that same question.

You and Jean never shared much about the time before you had children. Your time as soldiers was tragic and bloody and neither of you felt particularly eager to relive it. On the rare occasion that you did, you always made sure it was something more lighthearted. The most they knew about your lives before they were born is that you and Jean were soldiers of Eldia, who bravely fought to protect the world from Eren Yeager.

They didn’t know anything.

They didn’t know about life inside the walls—before it was made know that there were entire countries out in the world.

They didn’t know about your time as cadets and the rigorous training that made you into brave soldiers.

They didn’t know about the Titans that once made Eldians live in fear.

They knew nothing about the betrayal of Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt, and how devastated everyone became when they learned that their trusted comrades were foreign enemies.

And they knew nothing about Jean’s other half Marco, who died a terrible death far too soon…

You lifted your granddaughter onto your lap, taking a shaky breath in. “Give me a moment, okay?” She nodded as you wiped your eyes, still letting out silent cries. “I promise to tell you everything.”

And when you finally spoke they listened. Your family listened so intently. You told them about your time as cadets, about when you were part of the Survey Corps. The discovery of Eren’s Titan abilities and Marley and the Rumbling and Ymir and everything you could think of and remember. The faces may have faded and the colors may have gone dull and the memories may not have been as sharp as they needed to be, but you remember the way you felt as vividly as if it was yesterday.

And of course, you told them about the second love of your life Marco Bott.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

Hope y’all enjoyed

<3 Izzy

[stanurines1mp]

New fic alert!

Hi! I'm back after so long but I'm not as active anymore.

But I'm here to let you know that I've just posted a new Jean Kirstein fanfiction from AOT. I'm not posting the chapters here because I am too lazy. However, I will insert the Wattpad link so you can just go there.

It's also on my masterlist!

[daemontargaryenwhore]

He couldn't afford to lose another kid knowing he's going to lose one just for the battle to end.

[dawnatlas]

(raven neil au) im having so many thoughts about them all the time

[justauthoring]

the bond - chapter fourteen.

*bond: a relationship between people or groups based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences.

word count: 5909

based off of: 3x08, 3x09, & 3x10

a/n: ummm so kenny? pt. 2?

tag list: @ernyaeger - @luvelyxp - @urfictional - @decaffeinatedtealover - @ange-lica-3 - @midzuumi - @leiriswhore - @urfictional - @frasheliza - @echothy​ - @usernamehere91​ - @happygirl5798​ - @dwarfnip​ - @hegdus - @cheoriemoawa - @snapdragon-atelier - @fckwritersblock let me know if you’d like to be added!

You stare at the collapsing cavern in front of you, back pressing into the wall behind you because of the force of wind being smacked in your direction. It feels like it’s slapping you, forcing you back as your eyes shift across the cavern, trying to find some sort of escape room.

You can’t see anything.

Not anything that’ll help you escape at least.

To your side, Historia presses against you, and you let out a huff of frustration at the situation.

“We need to figure out something,” you cry, staring at the pieces of falling debris; “or else we’re gonna get crushed under the rumble.”

No one says anything because there are no solutions–not any viable ones at least. No one says anything because they can’t argue against your words either. You might’ve been able to rescue Eren and Historia, but that still didn’t help with the actual escaping part now that Rod Reiss had transformed and there was still the threat of Kenny’s men.

Kenny…

Had he made it out okay?

Did you care?

You weren’t sure.

A sob pulls you from your thoughts, brows furrowing as you glance down at Eren who’s slumped against the wall, noticing the tears streaming down his face.

“I’m sorry, everyone,” he sobs pathetically, hands left hanging by his sides uselessly. “I’ve been nothing but useless… ever since the very beginning, I was never the hope of humanity…”

No one says anything. A second later, something catches Eren’s eyes.

“Armor?”

“What’s this?” Jean speaks up, your eyes flickering to him as he smirks down at Eren. “Think you’re some tragic hero? When have you ever accomplished anything by your strength alone?”

Connie is quick to follow his lead; “what a weakling,” he jests, “we’ve been through worse than this.”

“Far worse,” you pipe up, pulling Eren’s gaze on you as you meet his, smiling down at him. “I’d say, at least.”

“Not that I wanna get used to it!” Sasha adds and you let out a light laugh at that.

“Still,” Connie mumbles, glancing ahead; “it’s going to suck trying to navigate through all that.”

Following the direction of his gaze, you scoff; “you’re telling me.”

“I’ll take Eren,” Mikasa calls from over your shoulder.

Jean then leans towards Historia, frowning; “we can’t go nice and slow for you, so hold on for your life.”

A moment later, she’s nodding.

“It’s useless,” Eren mumbles, staring at you like you’ve all gone insane. “We can’t escape.”

“So do nothing?” Historia argues, glaring down at him. “You wanna sit here and hold hands til we’re crushed or burned to death? Because we’re enemies of humanity?”

Eren’s eyes widen.

“You know,” Levi speaks up, voice low. “I hate doing this to you every time, but… Eren. you’ve gotta make the choice.”

You’re not sure what it means, but it seems to be enough for Eren. The look of surprise on his face fades as his gaze hardens and determination floods his gaze. With a blink of the eye, he’s standing up, grabbing the armor vial you’d brought with you and lunging forward, right in the direction of Rod Reiss.

“Eren!” Mikasa cries, reaching out for him but he’s already too far gone.

In the next second there’s a bright light that blinds you, your hands falling in front of your gaze as you lean back, trying to squint through. As the fog fades and lessens, you see it–it’s the Attack Titan! And not some frail or broken version of Eren’s Titan, he’s completely transformed and there’s that hardening stuff that had swarmed you all seconds ago coming out of him, spreading around the entirety of the cavern in long vines.

“What the…”

“Everyone!” Levi bellows, “get underneath Eren!”

No one hesitates, and moving so you’re directly standing underneath Eren, you watch as the vines he sends out protects you from the pieces of debris falling around you all. It creates a wall, and as the entire chapel breaks and falls apart over top of you, none of you get hit.

Trying to peer through the smoke surrounding you, your eyes widen.

“Guys!” You scream, pointing ahead of yourself, “Eren! He’s hardening too!”

Your eyes meet Mikasa and with a gasp, she lunges forward, Jean following her as they’re the two closest. They use their ODM gear to reach his nape, using the handles of their blades to break him out.

Once he’s completely out, Jean and Mikasa help lower him down.

“This is what I call hardening,” Levi calls, staring at the hardened Attack Titan Eren had left behind, completely intact. “Even after cutting you away, the Titan hasn’t disappeared. Pretty impressive, yeah?”

Eren just stares, as if in disbelief himself, before he blinks; “oh, yeah! Right before I turned into a Titan, I drank that “Armor” bottle…”

“Yeah,” Levi nods, stepping towards him. “You couldn’t do it at all before now, but you used the hardening power. And saved all of us. In the blink of an eye, you devised and built all this. Yeah, the construction looks shoddy, but… I bet that’s how the walls were made, too. In other words…”

Your eyes widen, shoulders tensing.

“It’s possible for us to plug that hole in Wall Maria now.”

You could… you could go back home…

“A lot of enemies and allies have died on the way,” Levi explains, “and getting this far hasn’t been pretty. But for as ugly as it’s been, look at the position we’re in now.”

Biting your lip, you glance up, eyes widening when you see Jean’s eyes on you. It’s like he’d been watching you the entire time, gauging your reaction and it makes your heart flutter at the action – he’d been the only one you’d really expressed just how much plugging that hole in Maria meant. How much going back meant to you. 

And even in the midst of everything, it seemed you’d been his first thought.

Your lips part, but then–

“Captain!”

You turn at the sound of Sasha’s voice, watching as Connie and Sasha make their way back down the rope they’d used to climb out.

“We’ve secured an exit!” Sasha explains, landing on her feet before turning to make her way over to you all, Connie behind her.

“Armin’s okay.” Connie assures, “Hange and Moblit too.”

“Well done,” Levi nods back at them.

“Eren,” Sasha calls, racing towards him. 

“You okay?” Eren asks in return, leaning in the direction of her.

All of sudden, Sasha falls to her knees in front of Eren, pressing her forehead to the floor; “we’re all safe, thanks to you!” You smile at that, shaking your head at her antics. 

“But to be perfectly honest, when you ran off prancing while crying like a baby… I thought we were doomed!”

Shaking your head, you step forward.

“Sasha,” you call out, frowning lightly.

“‘It’s over, over!’” She continues, simply ignoring you, “‘Get it together, nincompoop! Quit bawling like a snotty-nosed brat!’ is what I thought.”

Levi steps towards her, “hey,” he calls, “let’s go. We’re going after that big-ass Titan.”

-

Despite yours and everyone else attempts to argue in favour, Historia readily accepts her role as Queen. She’s thankful for you all standing up for her, but she knows what is expected of her and she understands the consequences if she denies it.

All she has is one last condition–that she be allowed to fight alongside you all as a Scout one last time.

So, here you are, preparing for the battle that Commander Erwin has set up, fighting alongside your comrades and those you’ve grown to care for as a family with the hopes that the gamble is a success.

If it isn’t, then hundreds of innocent lives will be lost.

Splashing some water on your face, you try to stay focused, ignoring the millions of thoughts running through your mind.

“Y/N.”

Brows furrowing, you straighten out, head turning to the left and frowning when you see Jean facing you.

You’d been grouped off with him, Sasha, and Connie, with Levi leading your section, so it isn’t really a surprise he’s here. What is a surprise is that he wants to talk to you… the two of you have been steadily avoiding each other, despite being in close contact, since you’d confessed your feelings for him. You didn’t blame him; you’d avoided him just as much as he had and honestly, you weren’t ever sure if things would go back to the way they were.

You doubted it. Even if the two of you managed to settle things, your heart would still hurt every time you looked at him. It wasn’t his fault, that you knew. If anything, it was your fault for letting your emotions get the better of you even if you’d known how wrong it would’ve been if you did so. 

In all honesty, this was all your fault. Your fault for being stupid, for being emotional, for letting yourself think that something like a relationship was possible in the world you lived in. It wasn’t just the Titans, it was your life–who you were. You’d grown up alone, you had no friends… it was a miracle you’d managed to make the comrades you had in the past few years. 

And you’d ruined one of the most important ones because of your feelings.

Meeting his gaze, you swallow thickly; “yes?”

“I…” His lips part to say more, eyes wide and a light flush across his cheeks, but even as he stands there, no words manage to escape him.

Letting your hands fall, you sigh. It was unfair of you to punish him when he’d done nothing wrong – if he didn’t like you in that way, that was just a fact you’d have to come to understand.  “It’s okay, Jean,” you whisper, ignoring the way your heart twists painfully in your chest. “I understand.”

He blinks, shocked because he hadn’t said anything, shaking his head; “but–”

“I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the way, anyways,” you explain, shaking your head as you step towards him. “It was silly and unprofessional of me. I’m sorry I put you in such a tight spot in the first place.”

“Y/N–”

A loud thud echoes, shaking the ground beneath you and your head turns in the direction of Rod Reiss’ Titan, noting that he’s shortening the distance.

Turning back to Jean, you smile lightly though it doesn’t meet your eyes; “we should get ready.”

And with that you walk past him, moving towards Levi, Connie and Sasha who are standing a few feet away from you. You don't notice Jean’s gaze follow your own, a deep frown on his lips as he curses himself mentally.

Why couldn’t he just say it?

-

Eren is successful. You feel the heat of the blast as he sends the explosives directly into Rod Reiss’ mouth, sending his body in chunks into multiple different directions.

Commander Erwin’s order comes seconds later; ‘find the nape and kill it’ and without hesitation, everyone jumps into action, making their way towards Rod Reiss’ body, slicing through the pieces of his body that fly before you.

The desperation bleeds in, trying to find his nape. You hear Jean call out towards Connie in frustration, and your eyes meet Sasha’s briefly as you both slice through the chunks that come soaring towards you with no luck.

And then a flash of blond zooms past you, and before you know it, an explosion echoes, Historia having successfully sliced through the nape of her father–effectively killing him.

She’d… she’d done it.

-

“Hold on… you’re seriously doing it, Historia?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Raising a brow, you glance at Historia.

“Mikasa was just joking,” Eren argues, the desperation bleeding into his tone as he walks beside the girl, trying to get her to listen to reason. “Right, Mikasa?” His gaze shifts to Mikasa who, as usual, is walking next to him, confident that she’ll give reason.

“After you smack him, tell him this… ‘I dare you to hit me back’.”

But of course, Mikasa has always had a personal vendetta against the Captain since the moment he beat up Eren when he was on trial – so, as you expected, she doesn’t listen to reason. Or help Historia to either.

“Damn you…!” Eren curses.

Poking through the space between Jean and Historia, you set your hand on Historia, squeezing it reassuringly; “I personally think this is a wonderful idea,” you grin, despite yourself. It wasn’t often you all got to have a bit of fun and especially recently. Sure, it could end horribly but you doubted Levi would act the way Eren was so afraid he would – if there was one thing you’ve come to learn about the Captain is his grumpy personality was nothing more than just a front. Besides… “Eren’s just afraid of the Captain,” you eyes, eyes shifting as you stick your tongue out at him.

Eren just stares wide-eyed back at you; “aren’t you?!” Then, turning back to Historia, he shakes his head. “If it’s not a real grudge, just forget about it.”

“If I can’t do this, how can I call myself Queen?”

Nodding to yourself, you find you like Historia’s reasoning.

“Hell yeah, Historia,” Jean cheers from beside you, and you send a quick glance his way before averting your gaze. “That’s the spirit!”

Historia lets out a gasp, eyes falling ahead of her, and you follow her gaze, eyes widening when you see it’s Levi himself. He walks forward when he notices the group of you, moving to stand in front of you, and slowly, Historia steps forward, shoulders tensing as nervous gasps leave her lips. You wait in bated breath, now not so sure with the man standing directly in front of you.

How would Levi actually respond?

After a moment longer, Historia suddenly lets out a cry, racing forward and swinging her arm back before punching Levi directly in his arm. In retrospect, the punch doesn’t look all that painful, still, your chest tightens with worry as Sasha and Connie grab onto you in panic and you all watch, waiting to see Levi’s reaction.

“How’d you like that?!” Historia cries, giggling maniacally, “I’m the Queen! If you got a problem–”

But then, Levi does the unthinkable,

He laughs.

A short, simple chuckle.

Still– 

Then, slowly, he raises his head, a soft smile on his lips; “thank you… all of you.”

Eyes widening, you feel yourself relaxed, an ease watching over you as you register the sincerity in his gaze, drifting across all of you. You’re unable to stop the smile that curls onto your lips in response, a sense of pride at being able to not only succeed but make Levi proud as well.

-

You’re just about to make your way towards Sasha and Mikasa when he calls out for you.

“Y/N.”

And your brows furrowed in confusion, Levi being the last one you expected to call for you. You pause, trying to think if you’d done something that he would want to speak to you about but nothing comes to mind–it surely can’t be because of what had happened in the Chapel, could it? He hadn’t seemed all that frustrated with you after the incident….

A quick glance at Levi’s face and he doesn’t seem mad–so, no, it can’t be that.

Swallowing back the nerves flooding through you, you step towards him, tilting your head in confusion at him; “Captain?”

“Do you have a minute?” He asks, glancing past you, and you follow his gaze, noticing the way Sasha is frowning at you, eyes dancing with wonder, a hard look from Mikasa who’s standing next to her at Levi. You just shake your head at them briefly, before turning back to Levi.

“Yes, Captain,” you assure, clasping your hands behind your back as you meet his gaze. “Is… is everything alright?”

He sighs at that, only further concerning you as he shifts, inhaling sharply before he finally speaks. “Right after the battle with Rod Reiss’ Titan, a Scout informed me that they’d found a sighting of Kenny Ackerman just south of where the Chapel had been. He’d been the sole survivor of his friends, the rest of them all having been crushed under the rubble.”

Lips parting, you stare back at him.

Why was he…–

“Turns out Kenny Ackerman is my uncle.” 

Blinking, your eyes widen.

You weren’t expecting that, to put it bluntly–then again, you weren’t expecting any of this.

Levi stares back at you, letting his eyes drift across you before he continues; “my full name is Levi Ackerman.”

It’s shocking to say the least. 

But what shocks you more is the fact that Levi is telling you.

You’re just a cadet on his team. One of the many brats he’d been forced to deal with over the past few weeks and although Levi was hard around the edges, you knew he cared about you all in his own way–but that’s just it. He cared about you all, and it wasn’t like you’d grown particularly close to your Captain in any meaning of the word so why had he pulled you aside to tell you this himself?

Something so personal to him?

“With all due respect, Captain, why… Why are you telling me this?”

He pauses, and you feel your chest tighten in worry at what was wrong. Why was he being so… elusive like this?

Reaching into his jacket, he pulls out a slip of paper, before extending it towards you.

You stare at it for a moment, gaze flickering from him to the letter before slowly taking it. He nods at you the second you pause before unfolding it and still as confused as you were two minutes ago, you slowly unfold the paper. It’s old, worn around the edges and the paper has stained yellow and feels as if it might rip if you weren’t anything but gentle with it. Yet, it’s in perfect condition otherwise, as if the letter had been carefully protected over years.

And when you open it, disbelief floods you.

It’s your mothers writing.

You’d recognize it anywhere.

When you were a little girl, she used to help you with your own penmanship and you used to study her writing for hours.

Before you can gather the courage to read it, your eyes meet Levi’s. He’s watching you, carefully, and all he does is gesture at you to read it, staying completely silent.

So, ignoring the racing of your heart and the way your hands shake, you let your eyes drift across the words written on the page.

Kenny. 

If you’re reading this, that means you came back.

I tried to wait for a month, but I had to move on. Being in this house felt too painful, reminding me constantly of the day you walked out the door on me and left our child. 

I’ve only left this letter so that if you ever did return, you’d know that I tried for you but you never tried for me. For our child. And that I hate you with my entire being.

I never want to see you again. 

And I never want your daughter to see what coward her father is.

So, if this letter finds you, never search for me.

Never search for Y/N.

Our child will never know your name, she’ll never know her father and she will inherit my name, not the Ackerman name. She will never know of your existence.

And if I ever see you, I'll kill you myself.

Johanna.

You retrace the words once more, a lump forming at the back of your throat as a sick feeling washes over you, swallowing you whole.

Kenny… was your father.

The feeling that had nagged at the back of your mind, that had filled you with dread and hope all at the same time… it was because it was true.

Kenny Ackerman was your father.

Your father who’d left your mother all alone.

Your mother who had hated him so much she’d never talked about him, never told you the truth and never wanted him to come searching for you?

Is this why? Because he’d left her all alone… because he’d abandoned her–abandoned you…

Had Kenny never gone looking for you because of this?

Or was it because he truly didn’t care for you?

To just leave your mother like that, he must’ve not–

“Y/N.”

You’d forgotten Levi was even there. It’s starting to feel like you can’t breathe as the truth comes crashing onto your shoulders. The sick feeling in your stomach is ever present and your vision is closing in on you as your fingers grip onto the letter tightly, risking ripping it but in your confused mind, you don’t even think of it.

This is… this is horrible. This can’t be true–any of it… all of that, the years spent thinking about your father, dreaming of the day you’d meet him, of imagining what he looked like, sounded like and he was the man who’d captured your friends, tried to kill them… was the man who’d abandoned your pregnant, alone and scared mother.

It comes like a startling realization, barely noticing how you’re gasping for air. You can't breathe–

“Y/N!”

Blinking, you stare back at Levi. Everything zones in on him as he frowns down at you.

“This was it, right? In the wagon? Under the Chapel? You’d thought…” His words trail, like he’s not sure what to say. “You’d thought Kenny might be your father?”

A shaky exhale leaves you. “My mother… before she died… she told me to find my father. She’d said his name but never finished, all she’d gotten out was Ken before she’d… died.” Feeling your eyes water, you do everything in your power to hold back your tears, feeling like you might puke. “When I heard the name, I thought I was crazy but I couldn’t get rid of this feeling in the back of my mind… and then, when you’d mentioned having a moment where you felt like power had surged through you–all I could think was I’d had a moment like that.”

Levi just continues to frown down at you.

“But this?” You cry, unable to stop the way your voice pitches as you gesture to the letter. “He… he just left her! He abandoned my mom and me!”

Levi shakes his head; “he did the same to me.”

You freeze, turning to Levi.

“When I was a boy in the Underground. One day, he just… left.”

It hadn’t even processed to you yet. If Kenny was Levi’s uncle then…

Clenching your fists, you huff; “where is he? I want… I want to talk to him.”

You move to walk forward, but Levi stops you with a hand to your shoulder. When you meet his gaze, he looks solemn; “he’s dead, Y/N.”

He’s… what?

“He wanted me to give you that letter. Said he’s kept it since the day he found it.” Levi explains, “I won't tell you how to feel. You can hate him or you can forgive him. That choice is up to you. But he wanted you to know he was sorry.”

If you had reached him in the Chapel, would he have still apologized to you?

If he wasn’t dying in front of Levi, would he have still felt apologetic for everything?

This was too much. It hurt too much.

Everything–fuck, it hurt.

“Captain,” you whisper, staring at your feet as you blink back the tears. “If Kenny’s your uncle, then…–”

“Yes,” he cuts in before you can finish, and you flinch at his tone, “our relationship stays the same, Y/N. I am still your Captain.”

You try to ignore the way his words sting, tug painfully at your heart. You don’t know why you would’ve expected any differently. This is who Levi was. You didn’t have to know him that well to understand that. His role as a Scout always comes first. He was your Captain and you were a cadet on his squad. Just because… just because–

Nodding, you fight back the words you truly want to say. “I understand, Captain.”

You move to walk off, but Levi’s hand catches your wrist.

Lips parting, you turn to meet his eyes.

“Our relationship stays the same, yes,” he nods, and disbelief floods you as his face shifts to a look of discomfort, as if not sure how to say his next words. There’s regret in his eyes, like he hadn’t meant the words he’d said earlier and his grip on your wrist loosens as his expression softens. “But… you are family, and I know neither of us have very much of that left. So, if you need anything, you… just need to ask.”

Did he–

“That is all.”

His hand leaves your own and before you can say anything, he’s turning, walking off.

You watch his back, watching him grow further and further, as a small smile curls onto your lips, despite everything, his words process in your mind.

Family…

You couldn’t believe it.

You’d lost your mother, you’d never get to talk to your father but… but you had family. You had someone… 

You had Levi.

-

A knock on your door catches your attention.

Peeling your eyes from the letter that hasn’t left your hands since Levi gave it to you, you glance at your shut door, before slowly letting the letter fall to the bed, standing up.

When you open the door, Jean is standing on the other side of it.

You blink; “Jean.”

He stares back at you, but you quickly notice the look of determination in his gaze. He has his shoulders squared and his hands are clenched by his sides and he’s making his way inside the room before you can even say anything more, let alone him saying anything back in return. The action stuns you and confuses you, and you momentarily wonder if it’s everyone’s goal to confuse you today as you slowly shut the door behind you, turning to face Jean.

You raise a brow; “is… everything okay?”

He spins to face you, and your head jeers back at the quickness of his movement.

“I have something to tell you!” He declares, voice pitching.

You stare back at him for a moment, before nodding. “Me too actually.”

And it’s true. You hadn’t said anything to anyone since Levi had told you, even though Sasha and Mikasa had tried to ask what had happened. It wasn’t that you hadn’t wanted to tell them, but you were still processing the information yourself and needed time. It was one thing to find out who your father was, and another to realize that he’d left your mother and had abandoned you and that you’d never get to ask him about it–about why–because he was dead.

And there was nothing you could do to change that.

But you wanted someone to confide in and even if Levi had said you could come to him, you knew it couldn’t be about this. He’d already done enough telling you the truth in the first place and you still weren’t sure how to navigate this newfound relationship you shared with him.

It was more a matter of who you could confide in.

And despite everything, the answer had come easily.

Jean.

Even if he didn’t return your feelings, even if he didn’t like you like you did–you still felt most comfortable with him. You still found warmth and solace with him by your side and you didn’t want to lose that. As much as you’d felt embarrassed, it had been painful and uncomfortable feeling distant from him for the last while.

And that wasn’t something you wanted to continue.

You wanted to tell him, because you knew he’d help make you feel better and that it would show him that despite what had happened, you still trusted him.

Jean blinks at your words, before slowly nodding and then, there’s an echo of silence, before both of you just blurt it out.

“I’m in love with you!”

“Kenny Ackerman is my father.”

Woah–

Had he…

Eyes widening, you stare back at Jean, a similar expression on his face staring back at you, except his cheeks are bright red with the flush of his confession.

And silence follows, a minute, and then another, and then finally you say something but all you can manage is; “oh.”

He cringes, curling into himself, as his eyes lower and then his eyes catch the letter on your bed and it’s like your words finally register in him.

“Wait,” he calls, shaking his head, “Kenny’s your father?”

“Uh, yeah,” you nod, slowly. “Captain Levi just told me a little bit ago–”

“Captain did?”

“Well, yeah, turns out he’s actually my… family, I guess? Because Kenny’s his uncle and I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to say that to you so do not tell anyone that! Especially Connie or Sasha because I think he’ll actually kill me if he found out and–wait! Did you just say you love me?”

Your ramble ends with you breathless, and Jean’s cheek burns red as the attention turns back to him.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “I… I wanted to tell you before, when we were fighting Rod Reiss’ Titan but then you just kind of…”

Cut him off is what you’d done.

Because you thought he was just trying to apologize for hurting your feelings and you’d been too embarrassed to have to face pity like that so you’d brushed it off.

He’d been trying to tell you he loved you?

What–

“But when I… you ran off, so I thought–”

Jean steps towards you, “I… I hadn't meant to… not really.” Rubbing the back of his nape, Jean glances at his feet, thoroughly embarrassed. “I was feeling like a coward because Armin had to kill someone for me when I couldn’t and I was worried because you’d gotten hurt and I don’t know… I panicked.”

You look off to the right, unable to stop the pout from forming on your lips; “I thought… Well, I thought it was because you were still in love with Mikasa.”

“What?”

You blink, turning back to Jean, not having expected the bellow that left his lips. His eyes are wide as he stares back at you, like you’re crazy and he’s crossing the distance over to you until he’s right in front of you. “No, no… I… I’ve liked you for a while but I felt like I didn’t deserve you because… well, because I’m a coward.”

You can’t help it. You reach out for him, grabbing his arms as you shake your head up at him. “That is not true,” you argue without hesitation, voice pleading with desperation for him to believe your words. “You’re… you’re one of the bravest men I’ve ever met. Sure, I thought you were a jerk when I first met you but then… you just kept changing and growing and when you chose the Scouts over a quiet life in the Military Police my entire view of you changed. You make me feel safe and warm and protected even if I can take care of myself. You’ve helped me and comforted me more times than I can count and… you were the first one I wanted to tell about my father, Jean. No one else.”

Staring back at you, Jean’s lips part; “Y/N…”

“You’re more than just brave,” you finish, “you’re an amazing leader.”

He stares back at you, your words hanging in the air and then, slowly, his hand raises, and you freeze when his hand falls on your cheek, cupping it.

“I really do love you.” His admission is breathless, as if dazed as he stares down at you, drunk at the sight and feeling of you.

It makes your heart flutter.

Licking your lips, you stare up at him; “I… I love you too, Jean.”

He smiles, and his eyes flicker down to your lips before back on your eyes, and you just stare back at him, waiting. Then, after a moment, he leans forward, pressing his lips against your own. His lips are warm against yours, and your eyes fall shut as he pulls you closer, feeling your back straighten at his touch on you.

He’s pulling back in the next second, still nervous, the kiss short but sweet as you smile up at him, cheeks flushed.

And then, Jean blinks. “We really gotta talk about Kenny being your father though,” he cuts in, frowning down at you. “Are you okay?”

Swallowing thickly, you lean into him; “he wanted me to have that letter… it was a letter my mom had written him after he left her, telling him to never come looking for me or her… Captain Levi said he was sorry,” glancing at the letter, you frown. “But I can’t help but wonder if he’d still feel that way if he’d lived.”

Jean lets go of you, moving to grab the letter. He sends a look your way, asking for permission, but you just nod, letting him read it. You watch him do so, seeing the shock that floods his gaze before he finishes, glancing back at you.

“She… she seemed really hurt.”

You nod, making your way over to him; “I wish she would’ve told me the truth.”

Jean hands you the letter; “she probably thought she was protecting you.”

“I know,” you agree, letting your fingers brush against the letter. “Still. I’ll… I'll never get to ask him myself.”

You feel your eyes water again, unable to hold them back as you stare back at Jean. He reacts without hesitation, pulling you into him as his arms wrap around you, and you sink into the hug, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

Jean holds you close, never letting you go, and it helps.

Even just a little.

-

The door is open when Kenny returns.

And everything is completely silent.

As he pushes the door open slowly, he isn’t surprised to see it completely empty without a single trace of Johanna anywhere.

Frowning, Kenny lets his eyes drift across the barren house, before his eyes fall on a letter laid on the table.

Making his way over, he takes the letter, slowly unfolding it, eyes drifting across the words scrawled across the page.

The second he’s finished, he stares at it a moment longer, before folding it and sliding it into the inner pocket of his jacket, standing there a moment longer before making his way back out of the house.

Kenny doesn’t know it but…

It’s two days after Johanna had left.

And he’d been too late. 

It’s that moment that returns to his mind seconds before his death, that barren, empty house and that letter he’d held for sixteen years straight–never once opening it again but never once daring to throw it away.

And as he lets his eyes fall shut, ignoring the stunned look on his nephew's face, he lets himself think of you for the first time in sixteen years. He’d only gotten a glimpse of you, but he lets that float through his mind, before the image of Johanna appears in his mind just as he feels himself slipping away.It would’ve been nice, he thinks, to have been able to talk to you at least once.

[nanivinsmoke]

❥ Make U Love Me

logan ‘wolverine’ howlett x mutantfem!reader

♪ you’re tired of going places where you can’t scream and shout ♪

tags: featuring the biggest asshole, scott! cheating, a little angst, violence, mentions of blood and death, slight exhibitionism, kissing, edging, dom logan, sub reader, creampie, pregnancy, oral, multiple orgasms, falling in love, etc…

note: heavily inspired by robin thicke’s song with the same title. wc: 4.7k — put my heart into this.

you were scott’s girl. nothing more, nothing less.

it wasn’t what you thought it would be, well back then at least.

scott was loving when you two first started dating. he would take you out, treat you like a queen, and was very attentive. but, that all started to change when his first love died in the midst of battle. jean grey.

the day she died, is the day your relationship did too. that same guy you fell in love with, turned into the guy you hated. everything stopped. he was no longer the perfect boyfriend, he was more of a royal asshole.

he wouldn’t make love to you, he wouldn’t put you on missions with him and when you confronted him about the change—it would always end in a fight. you didn’t deserve this, you knew you didn’t. but, you couldn’t break up with him. that small piece of your heart wouldn’t allow you.

you knew there was a part of him that still loved you. well, you thought he did. that all changed when you and the crew got the news. jean was alive.

“i don’t want you going after her, scott! what’s so hard to understand about that?” you raised your voice, brushing past your boyfriend and putting the onions you just chopped into the hot skillet—continuing your recipe for tonight’s dinner.

when the professor told everyone that she was alive, scott’s ears perked up and practically begged the professor to let him be the one to go and find her. charles urged scott that it wasn’t a good idea. something could go wrong and she might no longer be the jean we all knew….she could be possessed by an evil force. the dark phoenix.

but, of course scott wasn’t trying to hear that. his mind was clouded with thoughts of the red head. he was still deeply in love with jean. just the thought of her had him going crazy. you knew it and it pissed you off, which brought upon the current argument you two were having now.

“what i don’t understand is why not? she’s one of us! i have to bring her back, with or without your permission!” you turned to him, eyes slowly turning into a deep red; the flames from the stove started to rise—searing the vegetables that sat in the iron pan.

scott started to slowly back up, swallowing thickly as you inched closer to him; afraid of what you might do next. he locked his visor onto the burning food, which he tried to pull your attention on to, but you didn’t budge. that is until you heard someone clearing their throat.

your eyes went back to its normal state and you calmed down once you took a look at logan, who stood there watching the whole ordeal. you looked back at the food and turned the stove off before looking back your boyfriend, “come back with her and see what happens, scott.”

———

you didn’t come out of your bedroom for dinner that night and neither did he. hell, you barely got any sleep last night—too busy tossing and turning in your bed, thinking about scott and jean together. and when you finally did get some sleep, the sun started to peak over the horizon—a beautiful hue of orange painting the sky.

when you finally woke up, you pulled yourself into a much needed hot shower, before putting on your favorite pair of flare jeans and a cute top paired with some leather boots—heading downstairs to see what was happening for today. the children passed by, running and walking to hangout after class, while you made your way down the wooden stairs—looking for your boyfriend.

you wanted to talk to him about yesterday, hopefully to make peace with what transpired—but it seems like he had other plans when you spotted him holding hands & walking with the newly resurrected jean. and to top it all off, he was wearing a big toothy smile like he was kid in a candy store. oh you were pissed.

they disappeared further into the mansion as you stormed downstairs—eyes darkening while you were hot on their tails, ready to confront them; that is until you were trapped between two big muscle bound arms. “let me go logan!” you tried to free yourself from his grasp, but there was no use. he wasn’t letting you go.

“need you to cool off. don’t need you to go all ‘flame on!’ on them today.” he chuckled and ushered you towards the front door, both of you going towards the academy’s garage and pulling off in his car.

you tossed back your shot of vodka, grimacing at the strong burning sensation, before tapping your glass for more. logan had took you to a bar, so you could drink to your hearts content and stop that flame from igniting within you.

“he’s a fucking asshole.” you spoke, downing your drink again then turning to look at the male sitting right next to you. he nodded in agreement and sipped on his whiskey, letting you vent to him.

“I feel like such an idiot, falling in love with someone who doesn’t love me.”

“his fault he couldn’t see what right in front of him.” you passed, wide eyed, looking at the side of his rugged face while he finished off his drink. what did he mean by that?

“pretty lil thing like you deserves to be treated like a princess, not by someone like him.” his compliment made you press your thighs together and shift in your seat.

“and who’s gonna treat me like one?” you hummed, placing your hand on his arm, pressing against him. it might been the liquid courage that had you feeling so bold, but you knew exactly what you were doing.

logan grunted and smirked, shaking his head before his pretty hazel eyes locked on yours, “careful, doll. don’t know what you might be getting yourself into.”

“maybe i do~” you flirted back, lips ghosting his ears, making goosebumps rise on his skin. you wanted him badly right now. you didn’t care that the two of you were out in a bar, it made no difference. you wanted to take him right here and now.

“let’s play some pool.” he got up from his seat and grabbed your hand, making you sigh in response. maybe you were getting ahead of yourself?

———

the two of you played pool for the next couple of hours. logan was surprised to see that you were really good at the game, even more shocked that you had him on a losing streak. “good thing you didn’t put money on it.” you teased, striking the 8ball into one of the holes, winning your fifth game for the night.

“would ask you to play another game, but it’s time we get back to the mansion. bar’s bout to close.” he pointed out and you took a look around, seeing only four patrons left and the bartenders cleaning their glasses. you pouted and racked the balls back into the middle of the table, before grabbing logan’s hands and leaving the bar.

the two of you stood outside of the car for a bit, logan puffing on his cigar while you enjoyed the night’s cool breeze—mind running rampant with what happened in the bar between you and him.

“lo—“ you began, making him turn his attention towards you—the sight of him blowing out smoke did something to you; everything about the male aroused you. why didn’t you see him like this before? maybe you would’ve been happier with him.

“can i kiss you?” you breathed out, stepping closer to him; body heat overpowering the crisp air outside. “doll….” he began, but you stopped him—not ready for him to reject your feelings just yet.

“I know you felt something in there with me. if i felt it, i know you did. so, kiss me. prove me wrong….” you pulled him by his flannel, eyes sparkling with hope and desire; as they flickered to his lips. he searched your face, before he flicked his cigar on the ground and pulled you in close—his lips melting on yours.

you wrapped your arms around his neck while his hands moved to the middle of your back, before falling to your ass—squeezing the plump flesh through your jeans. as much as he wanted to pull back, he didn’t—you were so addictive, he just had have all of you.

his tongue slipped into your mouth and he picked you up and placed you on the hood of the car—kiss becoming passionate by the moment. the taste of the cigar he just smoked and traces of his whiskey had your mind spinning, and your cunt throbbing. “logannn~”

“i know, princess. smelled how bad you wanted it inside of the bar.” he grunted and his thick fingers quickly unfastened your jean’s button, tugging them down slightly—before he slipped his hand into your pants, rubbing your throbbing clit through your yellow panties.

“shit you’re soaked. he’s never made you feel like this, right?” he grunted in your ear, pulling your panties to the side and finally connecting the tips of his fingers to your aching clit, rubbing it slowly.

“no never, he never made me wet like this—fuck—only you lo~” the sweet moan you let out drove him insane, it fueled him and he couldn’t help but to quicken his pace; making your back arch off the hood of the car. gasping, you reached down to hold onto his wrist, trying to stop his pleasurable torment—but it did nothing. he kept going, making you buck your hips up into his palm.

“so needy. summers is such an idiot for letting this go.” logan moves his fingers down to your sodden hole, palm pressing right down onto your clit, making your body jolt in response. despite the tight confinement of your pants, his hand was able to work wonders on your lower half—pumping in and out of your cunt.

you gushed over his fingers each time it hit your spot. the pressure that was building up in the pit of your tummy was becoming unbearable. you desperately needed to let go, show him how good he made you feel.

“gonna cum—all over your fingers!” you warned, eyes starting to roll back into your head as you felt that feeling you loved so much start to burst. that is, until he pulled his fingers away. your eyes shot opened and you watched him suck your juices off of his digits.

“gotta get you home, doll” he fastened your pants and helped you off the hood of the car; before going to the passenger side, opening the door for you. shooting daggers at him as you stomped your way to the car, you watched as he hopped in the driver seat—ignoring your stares.

you didn’t bother opening your mouth to speak either. too frustrated, tired and horny to talk. so, you opted to lay your head against the window and watched as the trees became blurred on the way back to the mansion.

as logan pulled the car up the school’s drive, you could see the resurrected red head and scott standing outside—their lips glued on one another. you shared a look with logan and shook your head. you didn’t have the energy anymore, it was obvious where his heart lied.

getting out of the car, the two pulled back once they noticed the both of you approaching—scott looking like he had seen a ghost. “baby! i-i—“

“go to hell scott” brushing past them, you slowly made your way to your room—logan a few feet behind. logan looked at scott and just shook his head. idiot.

he just planted you right into his hands, and boy was he going to keep you there.

———

the following weeks started to get better and better for you. getting closer to logan was the best thing to ever happen to you. the two of you would spend almost everyday together, most of the days ended with you finally getting to cum around his fingers and all over his face. you were happier, almost like you were in the beginning before scott ruined it. and he noticed it to.

but, you didn’t care what he thought about what you were doing. he ruined his chances of being happy with you ever again and he knew it.

currently you and logan were in an empty class room, with him between your plush thighs; working a third orgasm out of you for today. small hands were tangled in his soft brown locs—tugging them as you grinded your orgasm out on his face. logan pulled away once you calmed down, his beard and half of his face being covered in your slick—which he happily licked up; well what he could.

he helped you off the table and pulled your skirt up while peeling your cold wet panties off. “these? are for me,” you blushed, watching him put them in his pocket before pulling you close. his hands fell to your rear and those eyes that you loved to get lost in, stared right at you; before he pressed his lips against yours.

you melted in the kiss. your body relaxing as the two of you moved in sync, hands moving across each other’s bodies. ever since that day at the bar, you noticed a change in yourself. a change you slowly welcomed. love. you were falling deeply in love with the wolverine. it was different type of love you and scott had. this one felt like one of those love’s where you could see the two of you grow old and have a bunch of mutant babies.

you wanted to tell him how you felt, how he made you feel, but you were scared. scared that he might reject you. so, you opted for the latter. being his friend with benefits.

“logan, I wanna suck your dick~” you pulled back, eyes traveling down to his noticeable bulge, then back up at him.

“don’t wanna hurt you princess. plus ive got a class in fifteen minutes,” he warned and you smirked, slowly sinking down to your knees. “so? ill make you cum in ten~”.

the clinking sound of his belt being dropped to floor, along with his pants, filled the room. he watched with low eyes as you pulled his fully erect length out—cock twitching when he heard you gasp. you now understood why he never fucked you, he was way too big. there was no way your walls would survive that, right?

your mouth salivated at the sight and you could slowly feel yourself becoming even more aroused. gripping his cock and swiping your tongue over the tip, you moaned at the taste of his sweet precum, before you took him into your mouth. he tossed his head back, loving the feeling of your warm wet mouth around him, while you slowly started to take him even deeper.

his big hands practically flew to the back of your head when he felt you gag around him, once he hit the back of your mouth, slowly creeping into your throat.

“did you just cum? hm, princess?” he locked eyes with you, smelling the familiar scent of your arousal—knowing exactly how you smelled when you came.

you whimpered, still slobbering all over his cock before the grip on your head got tighter and he pressed your pretty little head down harder; nose nuzzled in his bush of brown hairs.

you gagged, but he didn’t give you time to adjust as he continued to repeat his actions—pulling you off of his cock by your hair before forcing you right back on; fucking your mouth to his liking. the more he moved the more arousing it became for the both of you, causing you to relax your throat, letting him fill it with his thick cock.

the sound of you gagging and sucking on his cock along with the smell of your cunt dripping with excitement, had the six foot two man going feral. his pretty eyes fluttered in the back of his head and he forcefully pushed your head deep in his bush— letting out one of the sexiest growls you ever heard as he poured thick ropes of cum down your throat.

the warm sensation had you dripping right onto the classroom’s wooden floors, moaning at his taste before you swallowed. his grip loosened and you pulled back, gasping for air.

“told ya i could make you cum~”

———

finding yourself back into your room, you were scared by the dark figure sitting on your bed; making you jump out of your clothes like a cartoon character. flickering on the light, scott sat on your bed wearing a plain look on his face.

“the hell you doing in my room, scott?” you kicked off your shoes, glaring at the brunette. he adjusted his visor before getting up, towering over you a bit.

“you and logan been really close lately. what’s up with that?” you stared at him before giggling. he wasn’t possibly serious? you ignored him and tried to move around him, only for him to grab you and pull you back.

“grab me again and that’ll be the last thing you’ll ever do. get out of my room and go be with jean. me and you are finished.” you stared into his ruby red colored visor, making sure he got the point. the mutant scoffed and shook his head, “fine. go be a whore for logan, sure he’d love that.”

you didn’t even give him time to react before sending a fire induced smack to his face, causing him to yell out from the painful sensation. he was quick to recover, ready to aim his optic lasers at you; until a fist came flying at him—knocking him to the ground. logan stood there for a minute, taking a look at you to make sure you were alright, before pouncing on scott.

you watched as logan nearly beat him bloody before stepping in, tugging on his black button up—begging him to stop. however, the raspy voice of the professor entered all of your minds, stopping everyone’s movements.

‘the dark phoenix has risen and attacked me. jean grey is no longer with us. teachers, meet me in the infirmary’

logan looked at you and grabbed scott, slinking him around his shoulders, “go meet me in the infirmary. im gonna take him to his room and have hank look after him.” you nodded and practically raced to the infirmary, meeting the rest of the x-men. they surround xavier’s comatose body, talking amongst each other about what was going on, until ororo started speaking.

“the professor was attacked a few minutes ago by the x-men we once knew as jean grey. however, the friend we knew and once loved is now gone and is being possessed by a dark entity. this being is catastrophic and we must stop it before it’s too late—” she paused and took a look at her fellow mutants, before raising an eyebrow.

“where’s scott?”

“he’s out of commission for a while. ill catch him up later.” logan’s arm snaked around you waist, appearing behind you and answering her question. she nodded and continued with the details of the mission, before listing out names of those who would be on it.

you and logan were the main frontmen for this mission. storm had converged a plan on how it should go down, along with a plan b; warning you guys that there’s a slight chance it might end bad. she put her faith in you and the team, before dismissing everyone. the mission would take place tomorrow.

———

sitting on logan’s surprisingly soft bed, you relaxed while he was in the shower. your mind was running rampant about what could possibly happen tomorrow. being that this could possibly be the end, frightened you, especially since you haven’t told him how you felt.

“logan?” you called out, listening to the calming sound of the shower running.

“yeah?” he responded and you got up from his bed and stripped out of your clothes, joining him in the shower. the sight of his nude, wet body was breathtaking. so very breathtaking, that you couldn’t help but break down and cry—sobbing as the warm water painted your face.

those thick eyebrows raised and he immediately pulled you close, rubbing circled on your back; along with rubbing your head. “hey, talk to me. won’t be able to understand you when you’re crying like this, princess.”

you nodded in his hairy chest before pulling back, sniffling. this was the time to let it all out, let him know how you feel.

“i love you. i love you so fucking bad, logan. you’re all i think about. i think about us getting married and having a litter or two of kids…” he laughed at and kissed your temple, before urging you to continue.

“you’ve been there for me for a while now. you uplifted me and showed me what true love is. and it pains me to know that there’s a possibility that tomorrow could take this away from me.” more tears poured out of your eyes and he cupped your face, kissing away your tears.

logan honestly felt the same. he fell in love with you the moment you joined the x-men. even when you got with scott, he still loved you. he just knew it was fate that the two of you were meant to be. he moved his lips down to your soft plump ones, making you melt on the spot.

the kiss the two of you shared held such passion, that you wished you could stay like this forever.

“i love you too, princess. but, you will tell me this tomorrow; when we win.” he kissed from your lips down to your neck before stopping at the middle of your chest—kissing one of your mounds and holding the other; earning a moan from you.

“in the meantime, how about we get started on that litter?” you giggled and nodded your head, before your back was against the wall with his cock in between your legs—warming up from your heat, while he pinched one of your perky nipples and sucked on the other.

slick started to pool and drip onto his cock as he continued to tease your sensitive breasts, fueling your arousal. “please, baby….don’t tease me—wan’ you inside of me~”

he pulled away from your nipple with a ‘pop’ echoing after, still teasing the other one with his rough hands, a smirk painted on his rugged face. “you sure you’re ready for that, doll?” he asked and you nodded profusely. lifting up your leg, he rubbed himself on your slick coated slit, using your essence as lubricant and then pushed himself into your tightness.

he threw his head back from how you felt, and your walls clung to him; clenching and unclenching around him. the pressure he was putting on your clit, had you cumming prematurely. he smirked and pulled himself out, making you whimper; already missing how he filled you up—even though it was just the tip.

he repeated that process, pushing his cock in and pulling you out, earning more lewd noises from you and your pretty pussy. “logannn, please fuck me already!” he grunted in response and slammed himself inside—filling you to the brim with his cock. you squealed from the pleasurably painful sensation that coursed through you, kissing him to distract you from the pain.

the grip on your leg tightened as he started to pound your sweet little pussy, walls stretching past its normals limits. the more he fucked you, the more your cunt became molded to the shape of his cock. it was evident that you were made for him.

by now, the water had gotten cold and he continued to rut inside of you—cunt coating his cock with your creamy white fluids. he was drowning in your sweet fluids and he didn't need a floatie—he had reached nirvana.

in one swift motion, the shower was off and you were in his arms—legs wrapped around his waist while he was still inside; carrying you out of the shower & over to the bathroom sink. he pulled out momentarily as he placed you on your feet and turned you around, your fat ass facing him; while he plunged right back inside of your middle.

pushing your arch down, placing his hands on your hips—he reached deeper than before, causing you to scream. “dick too big for you baby?” you nodded and he chuckled, grinding himself against you until he started to pound you silly.

you tried to open your mouth to speak, to warn him that you were going to cum, but your mind was too fucked out to process anything; so you let out a sweet moan. “go ahead and cum for me princess. could feel her twitching around me.”

it was amazing how he knew your body so well already and it didn’t take long for you to heed his words, cumming hard on his dick while he continued to make your cunt his. the tightness of your walls squeezing him, broke him and he couldn’t help but to cum buckets inside of you—filling your tummy up with his kids.

the two of you panted, bodies shaking as your orgasms came over you—your head being pulled back so he could press a kiss to your lips.

“i love you, princess.”

———

blood covered the blue and yellow suits the team wore as the dark phoenix made paint out of their blood. the fight wasn’t going so good. some of you were gravely injured, possibly on the brink of death, while some of you tried to catch your breaths; still able to fight.

you looked over at a bleeding logan, worried about the wounds he had received, catching his eyes. “don’t worry, it’ll heal.”

he charged towards the being, claws fully unsheathed, with you and few others following suit; only to be tossed away like peons. you laid there in pain, ready to accept defeat, until you heard the crunching of the dirt nearby. turning your head you were shocked to see scott, staring down the possessed body of his old lover.

scott turned to look at you and logan, and smiled before inching closer toward them. your eyes shot open, you knew exactly what he was going to do. “scott! wait,—“ but it was already too late.

with the help of colossus, the leader of the x-men was tossed over to jean—grabbing onto her before a red flash of light blinded you all. once it cleared, the two were gone. the only thing that stood where they once were, was scott’s yellow & red custom visor.

you sat there in disbelief. you never expected this to happen. yeah, you his guts, but you never expected him to sacrifice himself. better yet, die.

“c’mon doll, let’s go home~” logan’s raspy voice pulled you out of your thoughts, holding out his hand which you gladly accepted. you turned around, looking at where he was one last time, before turning around heading back to the jet.

——

5 months later.

“and here lies the visor that was once used by our leader and hero of the x-men, cyclops. he will be missed.” logan spoke to the new students joining the academy—giving them a tour, stopping at scott’s memorial.

“logan~” your voice called out to him, making him turn his attention over to you—his beautiful pregnant wife. “alright kids, gonna turn this over to our new teacher; ms. frost,” the blonde stepped up with a smile and took over while your husband jogged over to you—kissing your growing belly before moving up to your lips.

“we’re gonna be late! this is the appointment where we get to see the baby’s gender!”

it might’ve started off rough, but you were finally happy and in love.

[tsukimirecs]

104th cadet corps // fic recommendations

note: remember to read the tags! + i do not own any of these works

jean kirstein

the roommate

dutch courage

babymaker

washing machine heart

bottled up

i stayed there, dust collecting

santa daddy

cake

wish, wish, wish

armin arlert

for one night

maneater

nine years

secret love affair

ripe fruit.

bright morning

reminder: thank reiner later

definition of a good boy

ocean eyes

mikasa ackerman

idol

bruises

arm wrestling

nocturne

stalker

dust, moon, and silver

the unbearable weight of staying

eren yeager

the way you are

bittersweet

say a little prayer

ocean's breath

midnight snacks

sweet dreams

emotional baggage

all over again

peppermint flavored kisses

connie springer

honey oat latte

promise

the unwritten law of college parties

free

anything but sex

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

He’s Not A Machine!

main masterlist | supernatural masterlist

summary: when dean collapses from exhaustion, it takes everything in you not to beat the shit outta john

pairing: (stanford era) dean winchester x female reader

rating: R for language

word count: 4.0k

warnings: hurt/sad dean, language, john being a terrible father, john being an asshole in general but what else is new

pairing note: reader washes/brushes her hair

author’s note: hiiii me again after many moons of zero contact with this lovely website. sorry for taking so long, hopefully i’ll stay a while this time lol.

It’d been nearly four weeks of back-to-back hunts. This was the seventh motel you and the two Winchesters had been at this month and you were almost ready to call it a night. 

“I’m gonna wash this wraith stench off of me,” you told Dean. You then added quietly so John—who was sitting at the table and cleaning his guns—wouldn’t hear; “Would you like to join me, handsome?”

“More than anything,” he whispered before he bent down and kissed you. John coughed loudly, and you weren’t sure if it was just a perfectly timed accident or a purposeful guilt trip. It was most likely the latter. “But… I think it’s better if I don’t, sweetheart.”

You smiled sadly with a small nod; “Next time, then,” you assured him. You looked up into his eyes and noticed the tiredness laced with the usual burden he carried. He blinked unusually slowly as if he was trying his damndest to stay awake, and you furrowed your brows. “How about you head to bed, you can shower after you get some sleep.”

“It’s alright, I’m not that tired,” he said.

“Hey, are you feeling okay?” you asked him, barely above a whisper so that John wouldn’t hear.

John didn’t like you. He didn’t really trust your intentions with his son, and he thought you were just a distraction that would end up getting Dean killed if he wasn’t careful. He didn’t like how easily Dean would get ‘all giggly’ when he was near you, and he didn’t like that his son kept his guard down when he was with you.

He didn’t like the matching rings you wore, or that you too often referred to the other as husband or wife when a stranger would ask. You weren’t married, you were his fucking girlfriend and John fully believed you wouldn’t still be together by the time Sam finished his first four years at Stanford. 

“I’m fine,” he replied, matching your quiet tone. “I’ll shower right after you so don’t use up all the hot water, okay?” There was a teasing smirk on his face which made your worries subside temporarily.

“I promise to leave you some,” you said before you kissed him once more.

**

“Dean are you okay?” you asked, seeing the far-off look in his eyes when you left the bathroom.

“Yeah, I uh…” He rubbed his eyes as he tried to again focus on your face. He looked over at his dad, who raised a brow at his eldest son. “I’m fine, sweetheart.”

You followed his line of sight and pursed your lips when you saw John.

“Dean says he’s fine, drop it Y/n,” he told you.

Against your better judgment, you decided not to ask Dean again. With your hair still wet from the shower, you took the brush from your bag and started fixing it. 

“Aren’t you gonna shower, babe?” you asked Dean, who hadn’t moved an inch.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. He started to kick off his shoes when he tripped and fell straight to the floor, his cheek now pressed against the carpet.

“Dean!?” you exclaimed and hurried over to him. You fell to your knees and took him into your arms, shaking him gently in hopes he’d just wake up. “Dean? Dean, honey, please? J-John he’s not waking up!” You pressed your lips to his temple; “C’mon, Dean!”

John had left his spot on the couch and was now hovering over you, as you looked up at him desperately.

“Is he breathing?”

“Yeah,” you replied, tears slipping down your cheeks. John helped you lay Dean down so he could check his breathing.

“He seems fine,” John deduced. “Is there a wound we missed or something?”

“W-We need to call an ambulance,” you said and rushed to grab your phone off the nightstand.

“Y/n, Dean wouldn’t want us to call the cops,” John replied. He seemed a little too calm for your liking, so you weren’t about to let him call the shots regarding Dean’s wellbeing.

“I don’t care, we’re getting him to the fucking hospital,” you said as you dialed and made your way back to Dean. “Now hide your goddamn guns before the paramedics get here—I need an ambulance at the Rosebud Motel room 302, my husband just collapsed unexpectedly.” You ignored the look John gave you when you called Dean that. The operator asked questions and you answered each one; “Yes, he’s breathing… No, no bleeding… He’s twenty-five… Uhm, I’m not sure…” You pulled the phone from your ear; “Has he had anything to drink yet tonight?”

John was putting away the guns and paused to think before he shrugged; “I dunno, I wasn’t watching.” 

Your eyes widened and your teeth clenched, the fucking audacity. Looking at the table you saw three opened beers so you made an educated guess when you answered the 9-1-1 operator.

“He might’ve had a beer or two, but he’s not a lightweight, he’d never pass out after two beers… Yes, his dad is in the room with me… Yes, I can stay on the line.” You took in a shaky breath as you brought his hand to your lips and kissed his knuckles. 

“Just stay calm, ma’am, help is on the way.���

“I’m trying,” you replied, tears streaming down your cheeks as you kept his hand pressed to your lips. “Th-This isn’t like him, he’s–he’s always okay.”

**

You bounced your leg anxiously as you sat next to John in the waiting room. As you absentmindedly played with the ring on your right ring finger, you couldn’t help but think of the time when Dean had told you how much you truly meant to him almost three years ago.

* flashback *

“I got you a present.” His smile was adorable as he sat next to you on the couch. He saw your face light up and felt the need to downplay the gift; “It’s nothing much, don’t get too excited.”

“Dean, you could give me a dirty sock and I’d love it,” you teased, placing a quick kiss on his pink lips.

“Well… this is like one teer above ‘dirty sock’, I think.” He smirked and handed you the small velvet box. 

You opened it and your jaw fell open; “Oh my god, Dean!”

“I know how much you like mine,” he said quietly.

“I do like yous,” you took his right hand in yours and kissed the ring on his finger, “I love yours, Dean.”

“Well, this one is exactly like mine.” He smiled. “Except it’s in your size, obviously, so we can… you know… match.” You took the ring out of the box and admired it for a moment. You were about to put it on but he stopped you; “May I do the honors, sweetheart?” he asked. You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips as you nodded and he took it from you. He slipped the ring onto your right ring finger before he kissed your hand. 

“I mean this in the most genuine way possible; this is by far the best gift anyone has ever gotten me, Dean! Ever!”

A sheepish blush was forming on his cheeks as he leaned over and kissed your lips; “I love you so much.” He pulled away so he could look at you; “And, I want you to know this isn’t a regular gift.”

“Yeah?” you asked, your smile growing. 

“Yeah,” he replied and kissed you again. When he pulled away again he chickened out a little and didn’t say what he was going to. “You’re twenty-one, which means you can now legally drink in all fifty states.” He stood up, pulling on your hand gently so you would follow him to the kitchen. He took two beers out of the fridge and put them on the table. He used the ring on his finger to easily open one then handed the other to you. “Why don’t you give it a try.”

It took you a few tries but you managed to open the beer using the ring he just gave you; “Okay, now that’s awesome!”

“Happy birthday, sweetheart!” Dean said and you clinked your beers together before you both started drinking them. As he brought the bottle down from his lips, he watched as you kept drinking and smiled to himself. He suddenly felt the courage he felt when he bought the ring and decided to tell you his thoughts; “You know you’re the only girl for me, right?” You nodded with a smile. “I don’t just mean ‘for now’ I mean like forever. That’s the real meaning behind the ring, I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of our lives.”

You couldn’t help the happy tears beginning to sting your eyes as you looked up at him; “Forever?”

“Forever.”

* end of flashback *

You were shaken back to cruel reality by the sound of John’s voice beside you; “What’s taking them so long? We’ve gotta get back on the fuckin’ road.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” you scoffed and looked at him. “Dean might be in serious trouble, and you’re thinking about the next hunt!?”

“Dean’s gonna be fine.” He rolled his eyes.

“We don’t know that,” you replied. You again started fiddling with the ring Dean had given to you.

“You know that ring doesn’t make you two husband and wife,” John commented. 

You stood up abruptly, not wanting to say what was running through your head; Yeah, and Dean being so fucking perfect doesn’t make you a good father.

“Dean Smith’s next of kin?” the doctor asked. 

“I’m his wife, this is his dad,” you said. “H-How is he?”

“He’ll be fine,” she replied. “He has a very minor concussion from when his head hit the floor, but he just needs some rest.”

“What happened?” John asked. 

“He fainted from over-exhaustion, he’s gonna be okay.”

“Over-exhaustion?” You furrowed your brows, placing a hand over your chest. “B-But he’s been eating fine? A-And sleeping as much as me, I think?”

“Actually,” John interrupted, “he’s been helping me with research at night, he doesn’t sleep as much as you.” 

Never in your life had you wanted to knee John Winchester in the balls as badly as you wanted to at that moment.

“How many hours a night are you sleeping, hun?” the doctor asked you.

“Like three to five… every other night,” you admitted. “And that’s always been enough! If it wasn’t, Dean could’ve just taken a nap he didn’t have to—fuck.”

“Can we see him?” John asked.

“He’s still asleep but yes, you can go and see him,” she replied.

On the way to Dean’s room, you kept wondering how this all happened—how did Dean get so fucking tied he collapsed!? If he was staying up at night, why didn’t he just sleep in the car? You would’ve happily driven Baby, and it’s not like you hadn’t done that before—Dean’s love language was sharing that fucking car.

“This hasn’t ever happened before, right?” you asked John. 

“Never,” he replied. “Guess Dean’s just not as strong as he used to be.”

“Excuse me?” you seethed and stopped in your tracks, pulling John to a halt as well. “Dean is a fucking hero but he is not a machine, he’s a fucking human being who’s been treated like a soldier since he was six-fucking-years-old!”

“If you wanna say something, fucking say it!” John exclaimed. 

“Oh, I am saying it! How fucking dare you work him so hard that he lands in the fucking emergency room!”

“We all know in this line of work, we have to do what we have to do!”

You slapped him hard across the face and your eyes widened when you realized what you did. 

“Dean is your son,” you said, quickly changing your facial expression back into one of pure rage. “He is your fucking child and you’ve been treating him like shit for far too long. He deserves better, he doesn’t deserve to be so fucking exhausted that he collapses.”

You walked away and into Dean’s room. Seeing him lying in the hospital bed made your heart break as tears welled in your eyes. 

“Oh god,” you mumbled. “Dean.” You quickly pulled up a chair so you could sit next to his bed and patiently wait for him to wake up. John did the same, though he seemed annoyed by the fact Dean was still asleep. 

You weren’t sure how long had passed before John got fed up; “Can you press the button for the nurse so we can ask when he’s supposed to wake up?”

“I think we should just let him sleep, don’t you?” you whispered, not knowing if Dean had been sedated or if he was just resting like normal.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, I told you to call the damn nurse,” he said, raising his voice which caused Dean to stir awake.

“Hey sweetheart,” Dean said groggily, his eyes half-hooded as he brought your hand to his lips and placed a kiss on your knuckles. He then dropped your hand and rubbed his eyes to wake himself up. “This isn’t the motel,” he realized. He noticed John sitting at the other side of the bed and he sat up a little, trying to somewhat compose himself. “Wh-What happened?”

“I’ll fill you in,” John said. “Y/n, why don’t you go grab us some coffee so I can talk with my son?”

All your instincts told you not to leave the two Winchesters alone but what choice did you have? You didn’t want to start another fight with John, you were tired too, and you didn’t want Dean worrying.

“Yeah, sure,” you said. You took the time to bend down and place a loving kiss on Dean’s forehead, causing him to smile. “No coffee for you though, you need more sleep,” you told him before you left the room. 

About ten minutes later you walked back in and the sight practically made your eyes bulge out of your skull as your jaw flew open. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” you asked and placed the two cups to the side. 

“Dad said there’s a hunt,” Dean said matter-of-factly. “I can sleep in the car or something, let’s go.” He started to stand up so you pushed him back down. 

“How fucking dare you!” you exclaimed at John, who stood on the other side of the bed. “How dare you tell him to suit up right now! He is staying here in this hospital, and he is getting some goddamn sleep!”

“That is not your decision,” John replied. “If Dean says he’s fine, then he’s fine.”

“You realize those are the exact words you said to me before your son collapsed, right?” you scoffed. “Dean lay back down now,” you told him as you began taking his boots off. “You are staying here for the night, you understand me?”

“Don’t you boss him around!” John exclaimed. “Dean and I are leaving here now.”

“You can leave if you want to, but Dean is staying put!” you replied, matching his tone. 

“No, he is not!” John yelled. 

You’d never fought with John like this, usually yelling and getting yelled at made your eyes tear up in the most inconvenient way. But this? Dean’s health? You were not about to back down. Not one single tear dared to appear in your eyes as you looked at John with such anger you wanted to slap him across the face… again.

“Why don’t we get a third opinion?” you suggested.

“Yeah, Dean, do you wanna sit here like a pussy or do you wanna go save some fucking lives?” John turned to look at him.

“Don’t answer that,” you said quickly. “I meant, let’s call the nurse and see what they have to say about it.”

Before John could protest, you walked over and pressed the button. It took half a minute—during which you and John stared daggers at each other—but soon the nurse walked in.

“How is everyone?” she asked, noticing the tension in the room.

“Do you think this young man here can leave yet? He’s doing fine and wants to go home,” John said. 

“Let me check his chart,” she replied before doing so. “I would have to no, he should definitely stay here and get some much-needed rest.”

“Is there a doctor—” John started but you stopped him.

“Goddamn it John!” you scoffed. “He is not leaving!” 

“You are not his fucking family!” John shouted, much louder than before. “I am! You aren’t his wife, you aren’t his sister, you aren’t his fucking mother—you are just his current girlfriend, and believe me that’ll fucking change in a heartbeat. You are not in charge of what Dean does, you are not family.” There was a short pause as your eyes brimmed with tears yet you refused to let them fall. John sighed and continued; “I am Dean’s father, I know what’s best for him, and I say he’s packing his things and getting the hell outta here.”

The nurse looked absolutely shocked, her jaw hanging open. The look John gave her made her hurry out of the room.

“Dad,” Dean said, seeing the tears in your eyes. “Dad, you can yell at me all you want, I’m your kid but…” He exhaled shakily as John turned to look at him with a frustrated look. “But you can’t talk to her like that, you just can’t. You might not think of her as family but that’s on you, she is a part of my family, Dad. And yeah, we might not be legally married or whatever but she’s not just my current girlfriend? She basically is my wife, we’re not just… dating?” Dean looked at his father with a sense of desperation, John just had to apologize and you could all drop it. Of course, John, being a stubborn bastard, held his ground and crossed his arms authoritatively. “I-If you aren’t gonna take back what you just said to her y-you can go on this next hunt alone.”

“Excuse me?” John scoffed. 

“You heard me,” Dean replied. “She’s everything to me and I can’t sit idly by while you talk to her like that.”

“So you’re talkin’ back to me now? Like Sammy?” John asked. “Refusing to take orders?”

“This isn’t about me, Dad!” Dean said, his face twisted with guilt. “You know I follow any orders you give, that I’m quick to obey. But you saying Y/n isn’t family? I-I’m sorry but I can’t let that slide, Dad.”

John huffed and abruptly left the room.

“I’m sorry,” you said to Dean the moment John was out of earshot.

“Me too.” Dean smiled sadly as you both wiped your eyes quickly.

“Why don’t we get these jeans off of you so you can be more comfortable?” you suggested patting his shin.

His brows shot up; “Really? Here? Now?”

“Dean, no!” you chuckled, shaking your head. “I meant comfortable so you can go to sleep!”

“Oh…yeah, that makes more sense.” His trademark cocky smile was back and that made your own smile return to your now tear-stained face.

“I’m serious about you staying put, you know.” You nodded toward his pants and he got the message. 

“You can be real stubborn, you know that?” he laughed as he hurried and slipped his pants off. You folded them up and put them on the chair along with his belt. He shrugged off his jacket and you tossed it on top of where the pants sat. 

“Get under the covers,” you said. He rolled his eyes playfully but he obliged nonetheless. 

“Happy?” He smiled when he was comfortable in the bed. 

You nodded; “I love you, Dean.” You leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips, causing his smile to turn more genuine. 

“Hey,” the doctor interrupted as she walked into the room, “Nurse Roberts just told me about the little outburst… everything okay in here?”

“Yeah, just a little misunderstanding is all,” you replied. “But it’s all settled—Dean’s staying the night.”

“That’s good to hear,” she said with a smile. “I’ve gotta be honest I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, clearly anxious about her statement.

“I just meant that your husband is very healthy,” she assured you; “I’ve never seen a young, healthy man like him just collapse from over-exhaustion.”

“First time for everything I guess,” Dean laughed nervously.

You glared at him; “Not funny, babe.”

“She’s right,” the doctor backed you up. “Now, whatever you’ve been doing recently that caused you to lose this much sleep, get this stressed you need to quit it right here, right now.”

“It’s our job, we can’t just… quit,” you said. “But I will definitely keep a closer eye on him from now on, make sure he’s getting enough sleep.”

“You can’t put this all on her, you understand me, Mr. Smith?” She looked at Dean before he nodded shyly. “Mrs. Smith you need to fix your own sleeping habits as well — if you both don’t smarten up and take better care of yourselves, you will definitely be right back here before the end of the year. You got that?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean said. 

“Good.” She nodded. “Now, I’m gonna give you a small dose of a mild sedative to help you fall asleep, alright?” She said as she made her way over to Dean’s IV bag to give him the sedative. “You ripped this out the second you woke up, didn’t you?” She asked him when she realized the needle was no longer in his arm. “You two, I swear!” She started preparing to simply inject Dean with the sedative but you stopped her.

“Is there maybe like a pill equivalent to what you’re giving him? He doesn’t really like needles,” you said. 

“There is, would you prefer that?” she asked Dean, and he nodded vigorously. “Alright, I’ll go and grab that for you then. Mrs. Smith the chair in the corner folds out into a small bed if you two don’t want to share one.”

“Oh, that’s alright, I’m not tired,” you said. 

She gave you a look; “Seriously? Hun, what did we just talk about?”

“I get that, but I know Dean’s not gonna sleep properly if he doesn’t feel safe.”

“This is a hospital, it’s safe,” she said. 

“Sorry,” you said with a small shrug, and again she sighed.

At that moment, John decided to walk back into the room, making your breath hitch a little before the doctor left to get the meds for Dean. 

“It’s alright, you two get some sleep; I’ll keep watch,” he said as he made his way over to the chair and sat down. 

“You sure, dad? I thought you said there was a job nearby?” Dean asked. 

John looked at you and smiled ever-so-slightly. Maybe it was something you had said to him, maybe John didn’t want you being alone with Dean while he was so weak, or maybe there never was a job and he didn’t have anything better to do than stay with his son. 

For whatever reason, John Winchester sighed and answered; “You’re more important, Dean. Your safety is more important. Now quit whining and get some sleep.”

Dean pulled the covers back, silently asking you to join him in the bed and, of course, you obliged. You gave him a quick kiss on the lips before getting comfortable in his arms.

“I love you, sweetheart,” he said, kissing your temple. 

“I love you more,” you replied, making him let out a soft laugh. 

“You always gotta one-up me, huh?” he chuckled. 

“Uh-huh,” you giggled. His arms tightened around your frame as he tucked your head under his chin. John couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt for treating not only you but his own son so poorly. Every time John saw Dean be this relaxed and happy, you were always the cause. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

By the time the doctor got back about seven minutes later, you and Dean were both fast asleep; the latter letting out snores that gently moved your hair with each breath. She smiled a little at the sight and decided to duck back out of the room so as not to wake you two.

[scarlettmurphy]

STARCROSSED PT3 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT

logan and y/n — starcrossed in every universe. the forbidden love, the underlying emotions swallowing y/n whole as she sees the man older then her own father by a good century or so in love with the woman she hates and she finds herself in a situation she knows she’ll never be able to run from.

- content warning age gap (is legal) angst. swearing. explicit. comfort! drinking. sick. dirty humour. choking. drugs. comfort? body issues. implications of ed. nsfw. angst angst and angst..pairings: older!logan howlett x xavier!reader. logan howlett x jean grey? scott summers x ?

spoiler: my idea was to make this a bit happier.. mission failed ☹️

note this is part three to starcrossed, make sure you’ve read the first two first so it makes sense :) the angst is angsting and i’m a little scrambled for what direction to go with this.. sorry for the long wait 💕i’m a bit insecure about this piece because i had a little writers block so i really hope you like it! i was listening to silver springs on repeat! so you get the vibes ☹️☹️ enjoy reading and i know this super long, sorry !! 💗💗

tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @plasticbottleholder @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl @iluvloganhowlett @luusecret @bratalina @penguinsravioli @aesthetic-lyss @capswife @cliffordmess @halepack2011 @1-800-local-whore @lonelytealover @deezsnurts @angelofthorr @badbishsblog @weallhaveadestiny @hizzielover @noventev @holysmokesmando @la-diabla1 @sarnbarnes @lunalixya @danicl25

[i hope u like it!]

logan hadn’t moved an inch the entire night — you could’ve assumed he was a statue with how trained he was just to focus on y/n. every movement she made, every little occasional whimper or noise that escaped her sweet lips as she slept. his mind was spinning with thoughts as he bit down on his cheek mentally battling with himself as he thought to scott’s words that he had yelled at him a few hours before and what he said being enough to hit him with the small reality that the girl in front of him could of seen him in a way that he hadn’t completely processed or imagined was a possibility. scott’s words ringing in his mind as he has spent the entire night tossing and turning in the bed trying to dissect what he exactly meant by them, and he’d gotten an idea.

an idea he didn’t wanna admit to himself even though all his thoughts linked back to it. he swallowed it deep down, his heart beat quickening as he wondered over the thoughts circling in his mind. he was certain something was growing in him after knowing the knowledge a strong feeling taking over all his urges. maybe it was fear, he was pretty sure it was and he hated the feeling. in every way.

amd it was be caused by y/n. he knew it no matter how much he didn’t wanna admit that his friend, the girl that was a good 150 and something years younger then him was causing. the professors daughter— he had practically just got here two years ago and he didn’t need to be stirring up shit with charles because off his daughter who was practically underage, especially in his eyes. logan swallowing as he slowly come to the terms that the little girl, in his eyes who hardly looks that little anymore, next to him could see him in a completely different way. a way he never thought would be something in her mind.

slowly the time passed as light slowly dawned into the room which shone a sweet reflecting on y/n’s face as her skin soaked up the sunlight as logan brung his gaze up to the ceiling, his thoughts getting too much to bare as he leant into his pocket and pulled out a cigar. hating the fact it was so hard for him to control, fighting those feelings brewing in him as he slowly stood up from the bed being extra cautious to be quiet about it despite his big body making the bed quiver under him as he walked over to the window opening it slightly — a little extra cautious over y/n and smoking around her in this state as he looked back over to the view off her sleeping.

he hated how soft he was currently feeling because of her, the emotions stirring in him something he hadn’t even remembered ever feeling before. he felt like a big baby, smoking out the window all because of the kid. logan taking a big inhale as he watched the sun come up. soon enough finishing the cigar whilst overlooking the scenery,him finding himself stuck in thought as he leant against the wall as he brung his gaze back to y/n after throwing the put out butt out the window, his mind wracking around what just to do or if he should or leave or stay.

however, logan didn’t get the chance to decide when y/n’s eyes fluttered open as she tossed a little as the cover slid off her figure as she slowly woke up realising the fact she was still in the outfit from the night before as she could smell the faint bit of sick which made her let out a low groan as her mind was a complete blur, her being instantly met with a horrible headache as she buried her face into her pillow completely unbeknownst to logan’s presence. the headache only getting worse as she tried to recall what had happened the night before — the one downside of being a mutant of her power being the fact that hangovers hit like a wwe fighter would.

her mind stopping recalling anything after the time logan had walked away from the bar and left her with wade and hank — her mind slowly coming to terms with the shots.. the many shots.. the little burst of confidence she had as logan kept himself silent as he watched the girl stir awake not wanting to alert y/n off his presence just yet, deep down him knowing he wouldn’t of been able to speak anyway as he was too taken by her, not wanting to stop his little gawking as he watched her come to reality.

y/n’s heart felt as if it was burning as she recalled what she had seen with logan and jean — that hole inside her that was always lingering growing wider per second as she wished to suppress the memories now. god she wished she was more blackout then she had been. her mind feeling like a very hazy floaty mess as did her body currently.

y/ns mind bringing itself onto the little run she had out the mansion, hangover anxiety flowing over her as she felt her face heat up at the memory as her heart flipped at the thought of what she swore she could recall about scott of all people being nice? to her? at that she rolled out a little curse under her breath as she fought to keep her eyes closed against the pillow as all she wanted was so be swallowed hole as the heart ache that truly had never left and was only pushed to the side last night felt harsher then ever at the faded image off logan she had in her brain as she swallowed, her stomach making a loud gurgle noise as she felt the sick feeling coarse back up from her.

with that logan couldn’t be quiet anymore, him taking a step and just with the sound of his footsteps that made y/n open her eyes and look up as she met logan’s gaze from across the room herself instantly jumping as she felt completely fucked from the night before and his presence was the last thing she needed.

“y/n—“ logan spoke quietly, some of his emotion present within his tone as he immediately swallowed that back down, stomaching a smile in her direction as he made his way over to the edge of the bed. “are you okay?” he added out in an almost rushed way as y/n’s heart pounded as fast as her head was in the moment as she looked at him — her not even wanting to even know how bad she must’ve looked right now as she shook her head.

her low words coming out as fast as she had probably ever spoken before, “i think im going to be sick.” she rolled out under her breath, her words coming out in a heavy whisper as she quickly got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. y/n fighting the blurry feeling that overtook her vision as she knelt down to the bathroom toilet — her dizziness just making the sick worse as she leaned down to the toilet bowl as she let it come out. logan running after her the second she stood up that worried feeling growing as he stood at the door watching as she knelt down.

“fucking hell.” he cursed out under his breath as he spoke gruffly as he took a few steps over to her as he knelt down beside her as she was sick. his face forming a harsh grimace as he bit down on his tongue as his large hand fell to her back as he tried to soothe her as he looked away as she was sick again. him swallowing as he tried to control his anger that was growing in the bottom of his stomach for the state she had gotten in, pushing down scott’s words that lingered in his mind along with the question of why you would drink yourself into that state as if he didn’t already know the answer deep down.

“i’m gonna fucking kill hank and wade.” logan rumbled out as a gruff sigh escaped his lips as he took in y/n’s shakiness. hating how she must’ve felt in the moment as he moved his hand up and down her spine as she let out a shaky breath. the comfort making y/n’s hurt inside grow more and more as she stumbled out a quick, “i’m never drinking again.”

her words making a low chuckle escape logan’s lips as he nodded slowly his hand not moving as he used his other hand to move some of her hair behind her ear in a swift motion that only reminded y/n off a bit more from last night as she was sick again. logan swallowing down his anger and feelings as he knew he had to be there for her right now.

“—it’s just a bad hangover bub.” logan calmly stated, his thoughts becoming nothing but void to him as he had all his worry’s right now on her as he watched as she leaned down a little to the toilet bowl, him being able to tell how out of it she was still just by that action as currenlty y/n’s mind was a mixture of haziness and hurt as the words she was trying to mumble out got cut off by that sick feeling again which she swallowed right back down as she fought with herself.

“—‘m never had one like this before.” she cursed out before being sick yet again as his hand lingered on her lower back as he could hear the fear in her voice, a protective feeling growing all through his body he knew exactly what that meant for himself and he hated it which is why his voice sounded a little cold as he moved his hand off her, leaning a little closer to her as he grabbed a small cloth for her to use in a second before placing that on the side next to them.

his hand moving back over to her hair as he made sure it wasn’t getting in her face at all as his cold words hit the air, “that’s what happens when you take shots all night, especially the amount you and wade were taking.”

y/m swallowed roughly as she could overhear his change in tone which made her feel like even more a mess as she spoke up shakily, “sorry—“ and with y/n’s words logan felt a flurry of guilt within him as he shook his head releasing the harshness he was showing which he didn’t even mean too as he sighed.

“don’t be.” he eventually spoke up, his words falling to a cold room as he watched as y/n leant back a little his hands following her as she leant against the wall. his had sipping off her waist as he swept his touch away and grabbed the cloth he had gotten ready for her so she could wipe her mouth. swallowing as she took it from his grip as y/n felt her self pity growing just by seeing his darkened eyes on her as she wiped her mouth with the cloth gently. herself feeling completely disgusting.

y/n watching as logan flushed the toilet to get rid of all the sick that was in there whilst y/n sat there swallowing down her self pity, hating how everything was feeling. being sick here in front of him of all people. she’d rather scott be here, probably even jean, god why wasn’t scott here? why was logan here? what was he doing in her bedroom?

her mind was boiling with questions as she brung her eyes to his own, her gaze locking on his soft brown eyes with that everso hint of green within them that just reminded her of everything she loved about him. the hint off melancholy she always viewed in his gaze still there which just made the pull he had in her twenty million times stronger as it always had been as she couldn’t help the little nervous smile that grew on her lips as she nervously chuckled with her feelings enlaced within her action.

“god i’m a mess.” she retorted out, logan playfully tapping her shoulder at her words as his touch lingered against her skin as he kept his gaze on her.

— “least you’re a pretty one.” he replied almost immediately with a teasing smile showcased on his lips as he grabbed the cloth from her hand and put it over the toilet, y/n swallowing her feelings. his words hit y/n like a heavy, full of metal and being thrown at her by magneto, truck as she could just picture the blush that grew on her face from one silly meaningless comment from him she shouldn’t read too much since she didn’t have a good track record with that especially since what she roughly recalled him doing yesterday as she swallowed due to his words as she could still feel his touch on her own even if it wasn’t there.

the yearning in her practically breaking as she felt that tension stir in her stomach as her brain told her one thing yet her heart was aching to be nothing like she has been for the last two weeks to him no matter how much she shouldn’t be as she kept her gaze on him.

y/n was struggling to find the right words with so many question in her brain and luckily logan instead did for her after the moment of silence had passed, him swallowing roughly before doing so, “you okay now?” his words low as he felt the tension grow in the air silently battling himself from creating it within himself too as logan’s eyes studied y/n as he kept himself knelt down in front of the girl who was sat on the floor — not wanting to leave her side but knowing he should. knowing he shouldn’t be like this with her now, here.

her managing a nod back, “should be.”

her low words caused a feeling to grow in him, ”you will be kid,” he corrected, giving her a serious look.

y/n finding this tension and almost awkwardness grow between the two of them as she moved her gaze away from him, sitting up a little as she soon found her words. “what are you doing here?” she couldn’t help ask, “i don’t remember why.”

logan roughly sighed with her words as he stood up, looking down at her as he went over and leaned against the door. needing the distance between them for his own peace of mind as he spoke after she had finished. “i couldn’t leave you alone last night. i was worried after seeing how drunk you were.”

his words were like a little shock of realisation for y/n as she nodded over the obviousness of it as she moved her gaze onto him, her eyes casted onto him from across the room. hating the weirdness that was growing them as she noted how much it was coming from him. she’d most definitely have to remember soon or else it would be time to dive into someone’s mind.

“i remember scott being here but not you.” she muttered out as logan nodded at her words.

“yeah. well we were both helping.” logan blurted out under his breath, sounding a little pissed off as he opened the bathroom door, “you should shower— i’ll go get you something to eat.” the built up tension and guilty thoughts in his mind eating half the words he wanted to say.

“food might sent me over the edge.” y/n mumbled out lowly, logan knowing the truth underlying her words as he swallowed his own spit feeling those feelings thrive within him as he sighed at the girl who he hadn’t really seen eat a meal if it wasn’t some weird protein recipe, he recalled jean used to have all the time, for the past four months.

“well— just shower okay?” he grunted out as y/n nodded in reply as he closed the bathroom door behind himself. y/n soon hearing her bedroom door close a few seconds later as she let out a rough exhale as she felt like the weight fell right off her shoulders — instantly curling herself into a tiny little ball as she rested her head on her knees as she tried to recall everything as her head pounding just grew worse. rough was not enough to describe the mental and physical anguish she was feeling right now, her having blacked out most of the night and that specific fact irritated her to another level as she knew she’d have to go find scott and get what he knew out of him.

another embarrassing conversation with a guy she never saw eye to eye with and thought was a little bit off a stuck up mug who turned out to be the nicest thing ever to her last night — to say she was embarassed was an understatement as she eventually dragged herself into the shower as she pondered over all the things she knew.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the shower was too much and too little, the burning water against her skin making her feel a number of things as the pain brung her to the surface of reality as her mind bubbled within the surface of everything as the pain of the water against her soft skin quieted the pain in her heart and mind - her hair falling against her back as the water swallowed her skin whole.

her breath shaky as the tears that slipped down her cheeks were just water dripping down her to any other’s eyes, would’ve gone unnoticed, as she eventually finished her shower after a few ten or so minutes of soaking up all the emotions within the air that had been left and abandoned on that swing set she had the faint recollection off from last night.

y/n wrapping the towel around herself as she pushed through the bathroom door as she made her way through her room as she slid into the first thing she saw in her wardrobe. jeans and a red top - the basic of the basic — as she didn't even want to look in the mirror for fear of what she looked like but she bit that urge down and went right over to the mirror, over analysing every inch off herself as she tried not to let that feeling grow inside her because she knew she had things to do. tearing her eyes away from the mirror as she made her way out her room.

avoiding the glances she was getting from some students as she tried to forget her thoughts as she completely pushed past her discomfort on her way towards scott’s room, it of course being the biggest one in the mansion, y/n knocking on the door as she swallowed her own spit as the door opened revealing a stressed looking jean whose eyes instantly darkened at the sight of the girl.

just meeting the older woman’s gaze sent a chill down y/n’s spine as she definitely didn’t expect to see her and wasn’t ready to in the mind state she currently possessed. that feeling off jealously, aching, yearning and a mixture of pain swelling up through her mind and body as she saw the pure confusion that overtook jean’s face at her presence.

jean’s eyebrows furrowing as she leant against the doorframe, arms crossed, “y/n?” she questioned, her voice full off confusion as y/n felt the tension rise between them.

“hi.” y/n rolled out as she gave jean a little nod off greeting as she fought back the hurt within her at just how she looked so perfect this early as she held back her emotions with a small very fake smile, “is scott here?”

“you want too see scott?” jean asked puzzled, y/n seeing the weird look riddled on her face as she nodded slowly.

“yeah, well i need too.” y/n trailed out, seeing the way jean’s confusion grew as her jaw clenched. her seemingly jealous over this as y/n watched as her tongue clicked to the root of her mouth as she nodded slowly.

“scott!” jean called out into the bedroom when she leaned back, looking into the room where y/n couldn’t see as she felt just how awkward it was right now. y/n’s eyebrows furrowing as jean called for him again, her voice raising more as there was a faint sound of water turning off. probably the shower. then what followed was the found of a door opening, y/n’s eyes remaining on jean as she watched as she took a step back and opened the door some more as scott stepped next to her.

y/n’s eyes falling onto a very shirtless half naked scott, a towel wrapped lowly around his waist as y/n instantly swallowed harshly as she took in the sight.

his v-line showing as there was still water droplets dripping down his very toned abs — y/n immediately being taken aback by seeing scott like that as she felt her stomach flutter as she swallowed harshly once again — his hair was wet and messy and he had just shaved clearly. y/n taking in the new stubble as his new look made many things switch in her brain as he met y/n’s gaze after she had eventually looked to his face and not his abs, that not exactly being something she wanted to do.

“y/n?” scott exclaimed, his words somewhat a question as jean took a step back as she sent y/n a look scott didn’t pick up on due to his eyes only being on her as jean disappeared into the bedroom. scott taking a step forward as the door went with him, him standing between the door and her as she swallowed again finding herself sort of at a loss for words. him leaning against the doorframe as y/n’s eyes cascaded up and down him yet again as she roughly swallowed at the sight.

that’s when she caught glimpse of something, her eyes falling on a certain wound on his side, her eyebrows instantly raising as she practically forgot about how hot he was when she realised the cut. leaning over to get a better view off it as she took in the evident claw marks that looked like it hurt like a bitch, logan clearly having done that — the blood practically still fresh and she could feel her blood boil at the thought.

“what the?” y/n instantly let out as she took the cut in as she leaned a little closer to look at it, “why—?”

“i hurt him back.” he said lowly, y/n giving him a knowing look as that was probably the most scott thing he could’ve said as she leaned back to where she was standing before. a weird feeling growing within her as she scoffed.

“obviously— but why the hell did he do that for?” y/n managed out as she questioned him, scott taking a breath before looking back into the bedroom and swallowing. a weirdness growing between the pair as y/n’s eyes couldn’t help fall back and linger on his abs as he looked away before she met his eyes before she got caught doing so.

“just, let me get dressed and then we’ll talk.” scott thought out as y/n had to hold herself back from making a stupid comment as she nodded, about to speak up when scott did instead.

“meet me at the swings. but it might smell like sick.” scott rolled out slyly, a little playful hint to his words as y/n rolled her eyes.

“ha.ha.” y/n said sarcastically as scott couldn’t the grin grow on his lips as y/n turned on her heel.

“—i’ll be there in five!” he called after her.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n went right over to the swings as little faded memories popped back into her brain regarding these swings and her last encounter on them as her brows furrowed up in confusion as her mind lingered on the thoughts as scott came down the courtyard. y/n’s eyes drawing onto him wearing a cable knit sweater like usual, this one being a dark shade of red almost matching with her top, as she kept her gaze on him as couldn’t help but smile.

“he was being an asshole like usual.” scott swiftly let out as took his seat next to her on the swing, pushing himself of it a bit as y/n’s eyes followed him as she leaned against the chain — the sun shining down on the courtyard, a vast difference from the night before.

“—mm i think i need a bit more then that.” y/n said softly as scott couldn’t help the smirk grow on his lips at her words.

“well what do you remember?” he replied back cockily, making a shiver of anxiety coarse through her as a little uncomfortable feeling dawned over her as she shrugged her shoulders, “a whole lot of drinking, then i remember you and me sat here but not much off what i said, must’ve been something stupid.”

scott raised an eyebrow at her words as he bit the bullet in telling her the truth, swallowing before he spoke up.

“your love for logan isn’t stupid. like mine for jean’s isn’t.” he whispered honestly, y/n feeling his words sink in harshly as she found all the urges to speak get swept away from her as she roughly swallowed. the tension growing within the air as y/n felt her heart beat twenty times faster and feel like it was breaking.

“you can’t help who you love.” he added out, y/n feeling his gaze as she eventually turned her eyes to him only to look right back away.

she couldn’t bring herself to glance one more time his way as she looked over at the mansion as she felt the weight of conversation dawn on her heavily as the uncomforbaility grew in her at just the thought of scott knowing how much she did like love logan. y/n’s eyes dropping down to the floor as she finally spoke up after a couple twenty or thirty seconds of silence, “i want too though, it’s not like i wanna love him.” y/n lowly whispered out before she took a pause, feeling the weight bare on her again as she tried to speak about something else to avoid saying anything more heart wrenching and slightly embarrassing which made herself feel worse,”—and i’m sorry you had to hear whatever i rambled out last night.” scott’s eyes lingering on her with her words before he tore his eyes away towards the mansion.

he could practically feel her heart ache as if it was burning into him and he couldnt help the sad smile spread on his lips as he knew how much it hurt first hand, so he wanted to make her feel better. “no—it was sort of enjoyable.” scott said lowly, making y/n’s eyebrows raise in interest as she finally met his gaze. his words being different from the sad ones he spoke before as their eyes locked on each other.

“sorry does me being a crying drunk mess entertain you?” y/n said lowly, her voice rooted in low sarcasm as scott chuckled.

“no it’s just you’re a lot sweeter when you’re shitfaced.” scott brung himself to say as y/n’s eyebrow twitched up, giving him a little look as she felt her heart skip a beat — her eyebrows raising at his statement as his words made her forget for a moment the manner of this conversation.

“hey i can be sweet sober.” y/n scoffed out, her words causing scott to raise an eyebrow in a playful manner.

“yeah, what? to logan?” his low words made her roll her eyes as scott chuckled as y/n leaned over her swing and nudged his shoulder harshly before she moved her swing back — the playful energy that had grew between them making her feel comfortable.

“shut up.” y/n scoffed out as scott laughed a little harder nudging her back before y/n couldn’t help a little laugh too as she met his gaze.

“so you and jean this morning?” y/n couldn’t help ask which made scott let out a low sigh as y/n pushed on it a little more with a smile at his reaction, ”—not so done after what i saw..?” she trailed out, giving him a look.

scott grimaced a little at the memory / reminder of it as he swallowed, his voice low with anger enlaced within it as he spoke a bit coldly. “oh no, we’re done. engagement rings back.”

y/n’s mouth fell agap as she met scott’s gaze, her heart twitching and almost stinging for the man as she raised an eyebrow — shock being the only feeling she was experiencing right now. “you were engaged?” she managed out, scott nodding as y/n clicked the tongue to the root of her mouth. there was never a ring she could of spotted on either of the, but that knowledge made the situation ten times worse in her brain, her mind toggling on jean’s face from this morning as all she currently wanted to do was go punch the bitch. as if she hadn’t wanted to do that for the past two years anyway, this just made the urge slightly uncontainable.

“god she’s a bitch.”

scott lowly laughed as she nodded, “yeah you said that last night.”

her face went a little shade of red at his words, “they say drunk words are sober thoughts.” he added out and y/n couldn’t help the smile growing on her lips as she nodded, shrugging her shoulders.

“i definitely wasn’t wrong.” she said lowly as scott held back a little wince as he swung back on his swing a little, eyes moving back over to the view in front of the pair as y/n spoke up again, “she did look fuming today.”

scott rolling his eyes at the fact, “probably because she was wanting to be with logan —“ he said before he paused realising the weight of his words for y/n, “no offence.”

y/n let out a little laugh at scott’s words trying to ignore the burning sensation in her throat and the hurt that traveled down her chest right to her heart and through her core as she shrugged her shoulders. “yeah i’ll get over it.”

scott couldn’t help the sadness the etched on his face as moved a little, letting out small wince that grabbed y/n’s attention as she looked at him. her eyes falling to where the cut was on his side as his hand rested over it as he leaned up, y/n speaking up, “it hurts still?”

“horribly.” scott muttered out as he tried to sit comfortably, y/n swallowing before she leaned her swing to his — placing her hand over his chest which caused him to jump a little as she placed her hand over where his just laid. “—woah— what are you doing?” he ushered out quickly with her action as she placed her hand exactly over where the cut was.

“just shush.” she rolled out as her hand hovered over the claw marks logan had left as she closed her eyes — ignoring his question as he studied her expression, swallowing as he held back a wince at how her hand was on his side.

her not saying anything more as scott kept himself shut, his mouth falling open as he felt her hand move against his cut and he noticed the way the veins in her arm riveted against her skin as he swallowed as he figured what she was doing. seeing the purple gleam that highlighted through her skin as he felt the pain slowly subside until it completely faded, his stomach flipping and his heartbeat rising as his chest did as he took in a big exhale as he realised exactly what she had just done.

her eyes opening as she leaned over to him, slowly pulling up his shirt to check on the cut as he let her do so as he felt his breath hitch as her hand lingered on the top of his smooth and now cut and bruise free skin as she then went to lean back onto her swing, meeting his eyes as she gave him a little smile.

“there.” y/n said lowly, her words falling out softer then intended as scott smiled at her - their eyes locking onto each others as she brung her hand away but scott stopped it from doing so. his hand grabbing her wrist softly as y/n felt frozen at his touch as he kept his eyes trained on her. the contact they were having making her feel the feelings of butterflies in her stomach as she swallowed . “better?” y/n spoke into the air, raising an eyebrow.

“yeah, yeah— really better.” scott swallowed out as he brung himself to speak, his gaze not leaving her own as he kept his smile tightly on his lips. “thank you.” he managed out, y/n’s heart flipping as he dropped her wrist which made her lean back into her swing, her eyes dawning back onto the mansion as her swing swung a little.

“its cool.”

her words were weighted as scott looked down to his chest as he overviewed where the cut once was which was completely clear, “i forgot you could do that.”

her eyes fell back over to scott at his words as she swallowed, “yeah i hardly do it.”

her watching as scott pulled down his shirt, fidgeting in the swing as he couldn’t help curiosity strike in him as he turned to her direction, “does it hurt for you when you do it?”

she didn’t expect him to ask that question as she shrugged her shoulders, “well i heal right away.” y/n spoke up as she nudged her shirt up a little to check, scott’s eyes dawning on the cut that was fading into her skin which was just the one he had. his eyebrow raising at the image in his head as she brung her shirt right back down.

“either way it’s bearable.” her added words made scott shift in his seat as he held back what he really wanted to say instead swallowing those words right back down as he decided on teasing her.

“you took my pain from me — are you starting to like me finally?” he questioned out, raising an eyebrow at her playfully, “i thought the day would never come” his words making her roll her eyes as she held back the urge to push him off the swing or blush heavily.

“i can give it right back to you.” y/n defended lowly, making him hold his hands up in defence.

“hey, no. i’m good—“

“but i do have to say something which might make you wanna kill me.” he added out which made y/n’s eyebrows raise as she crossed her arms, her eyes on him as she swung her swing around so it was facing him. her body moving along with it as she leaned against the bar. him taking this as her immediate question to why as he spoke up before she got the chance.

“i’m pretty sure logan knows.”

with his words y/n’s eyebrows instantly furrow as she swallowed the pit growing in her stomach as she bit on her tongue to stop herself from freaking out.

“has that got anything to do with the cut?” she asked out, scott nodding before he butted it to try and explain it — “look he might not know completely, i just said that he should be careful about how you feel after i said a few things about him fu— with jean.” scott ushered out quickly pausing a little over jean as y/n tried to hold back the growing anger in her body at the reminder of jean which made her feel a little guilt about how she handled the situation she saw in last night and how she must’ve said it to scott or something as if logan with his fiancé- or should she say ex fiancé- would mean nothing to him. y/n didn’t even wanna remember it due to the mental picture she was gathering as she swallowed, the twos heartache being prominent within their conversation now.

“it was a heat of the moment thing, i did just lazer him.”

with those words y/n couldn’t help a laugh fall her lips in disbelief at how controlled that must’ve been for him to do as she smiled at him, actually finding herself quite glad off that fact, “you lazered him?”

“yes and he was whining like a baby.” scott rolled out emphasising the whining as y/n’s smile grew.

“what the hell was i doing when that was happening?” she couldn’t help ask as scott couldn’t help a laugh as he kept his eyes on her, “oh you were snoring by then.”

“i do not snore.” she quickly bit lowly in reply, scott sensing her stubbornness over the topic immediately as he pushed on it.

“do you need me to let you read my mind to prove you do?”

“i do not s—“ y/n lowly spoke but before she could finish her words the presence of bobby in front of her cut her words short as her face went a bright shade of red at her friend in front of her who she hadn’t even noticed walking over to them — a smirk present on his face at the little idea he formed in his head from just seeing the two here alone.

“hey scott— professors asking for you.” bobby said calmly with his hands in his pocket, his eyes moving between the two of them aa scott turned his attention to bobby silently cursing in his head for him coming over here.

he sighed as he looked back over to y/n, “duty calls.”

“update me on if you need that.” scott teased out slyly as he stood up from the swings before giving bobby a nod as he passed him, bobbys eyes dawning on y/n as his eyebrows instantly raised once he looked back to check if scott was out of ear shot, the second he noticed he wasn’t instantly turning on y/n.

a little smirk on him slaps as she crossed his arms, looking at her.

“please tell me y/n, what do you need?” bobby rolled out playfully in a very obvious tease as y/n rolled her eyes as she stood up.

“god please go annoy rogue or kitty and not me.” she cursed out which made bobby scoff as he went to her side as she was walking, giving her a nudge.

“so you and scott?” he rolled out as y/n nudged him back which nearly sent him over as she scoffed in reply to his words.

“just bonding over heartache thank you very much.” she added out softly, bobby regaining his balance as he kept his position alongside her. eyes cascading over y/n as he shook his head.

“—mm, sure.” bobby teases out as his eyes glanced over the mansion as they got closer to it, his eyes swearing they could make out a logan looking from one of the windows. ams the second body noticed that the figure disappeared, him shaking the idea out his mind as he went back to focusing, teasing, y/n.

bobby finally dropped the scott thing after a long and slightly annoying repeat tease about it as they walked about the mansion just looking for something to ease their boredom on this very lonely sunday which wasn’t so lonely until bobby has snapped scott away with orders from her dad which left her with him, yet not for long as the second he saw rogue he left y/n, scurrying away after rogue like a lost puppy.

the second bobby left y/n knew she wanted (and needed) to find logan somewhere with the new knowledge she had to just ask him why the hell he hurt scott for.. maybe it was bias but she did wanna know and have an excuse to try and get the fact he knew she liked him out of him in a way that didn’t make her have to say it. her mind practically squirming with thoughts of what he would do as she nonchalantly looked around the mansion. her mind thinking on what the best thing to say would be. maybe a little ‘maybe don’t fuck engaged people.’ or a little scream of ‘why the fuck did you hurt scott for?’ or maybe a desperate ‘please don’t hate me now you know i love you.’

y/n rolled her eyes at the comments she was making in her brain as she eventually gave up her search, slumping down on one of the lounge chairs in the living room as she pondered. her mind linking her thoughts back to logan with every aching possibility she got. she hated it, hated how much she was desperate to think off him. it made her feel so weak, weak to his every move as she overanalysed the conversation they shared in the morning.

thankfully, to stop her from going mad, hank came over to her with a bright smile on his face like usual as he slumped down onto the sofa.

“hey y/n.” he commented softly as he leant back onto the sofa, y/n’s eyes falling onto him as she gave hank a soft smile in reply as he fixed his glasses — his gaze on the ceiling as he swallowed.

“hi,” y/n said softly as she analysed hanks furrowed brows and the clear look off pure angst from his face as she held back a little laugh or chuckle as she commented, “the shots get to you too?”

with her words hank brung his eyes on her as he let out a shaky breath, “most definitely.”

y/n couldn’t help a smile at his words as she gazed around the room before looking back to hank, “hey have you seen logan around?” she couldn’t help but ask.

seeing the way hank thought for a second before he quickly nodded, y/n noticing the change in his demeanour just at the question.

“yeah, um. going into jean’s room.” he swallowed the strength to say out, his voice slightly thick.

with hanks words y/n instantly felt a lump in her throat form as she felt her heart drop, nodding softly at what he said as she bit back any sign of emotion being displayed on her face even though hank could read her like an open book.

the aching feeling in her heart was something she hid to her best ability and tried to ignore as much as she could as she rolled out her next words quickly, trying to sound as if she didn’t care at all, “cool.” her words fell out so blatantly obvious that it was insanely obvious to hank she cared entirely.

—

but, thankfully hank didn’t ask you any questions or even dwell on what you asked for the rest of your brief conversation that lasted a good five or so minutes before you excused yourself to go up to your room and cry yet you told simply told him ‘the gyms calling me.’ which had been the biggest lie you had said to him in a long time and he definitely didn’t believe you.

but once you got in your room it felt like it made matters worse, the faint jeff buckley vinyl you had playing in the background making your yearning feelings even stronger as you thought off all the things that could be going on right now between the two of them. you hated it, you couldn’t deal with it anymore. two weeks ago you had decided to give up on it, as if you actually did, but you tried. and now that scott knew and you had someone to talk to about it it seemed all the way worse.

your yearning not being cut off for the entire rest off the night and it didn’t help that it was like logan had gone into hiding. another search of the mansion and he wasn’t anywhere and you were certainly not asking jean so you had to wallow in your thoughts off him as you went back to your room. repeating the same cycle of looking before bed, which only made you certain he had to still be in jean’s room. still. great.

and within the next day you still hadn’t seen him once, scott had said he was acting odd and not to push on it just yet but you could hardly contain your emotions anymore. him being gone making all off it worse because it was at his will, not yours. you didn’t even see him once.

and by wednesday that was when you knew you had to capture him somewhere alone. having seen him a good four or five times around the mansion now where he blatantly ignored or blanked you and that just made everything worse and scott’s nice words of comfort weren’t helping you one bit. it felt like it was making it all worse, seeing how fucked you were over him being so cold to you. it made you feel sick, you weren’t pushing him away he was pushing you away and you didn’t even know why. you craved his words, even if they were horrible you just wanted to hear him directly talk to you and you’re like this after only four days without talking.

the glances to each other in the hallway killed you mostly, every time it like he was tearing your heart up because he looked back every single time yet kept his mouth shut and immediately glanced away once he had shared his beauty to you. it was like a game now, trying to dissect the emotions in his eyes. but you never could. all you gathered was a look you narrowed down to feeling lost, or even confused. you didn’t get it. at all.

your yearning was at the highest volume especially after seeing him leave jean’s room this morning. that practically destroyed you and you didn’t know why he had such high control of you, you needed to get over it but you couldn’t. you just couldn’t. it was hurting to even breath, every breath feeling weighted as you laid on rogues bed after just having an entire bitch about it. her now knowingness of the situation making you feel better but her comfort hardly was there as all she was going on about was what costume to wear to the halloween party.

that making you feel a number of feelings, mostly annoyance as you swallowed roughly as she hung up a costume on her door.

“i wanna be riding hood. the red cloaks good for that.” rogue said softly, y/n sitting up at her words as her eyes dawned over to the costume hanging on the door. two days to go and rogue was still trying to find an outfit and a matching one for her best friend.

“what could you be?” rogue questioned out, almost to herself, as she looked over her costume then back to y/n.

“a pig.” y/n scoffed out as rogue rolled her eyes at her comment as she walked back and took in her own costume trying to match something to it. y/n watching as rogues brain tried to fall on something and it was almost like magic when it did. her eyes lightening up as she ran right over to her closet and started searching through it.

“what?” y/n asked out as rogue buried her head into it, throwing out a few things that made y/n’s eyebrows raise in confusion.

“you are going to be matching with me so good that we would win if there was a competition.”

with rogues words y/n’s eyes dawned on the thing rogue was holding in her hand as she shut the wardrobe behind her as she leaned against it.

“cat ears?” y/n muttered out confusedly as her eyebrows furrowed up in confusion as rogue scoffed.

“it’s red riding hood!” rogue retorted as y/n linked two with two, her eyes widening as she immediately shook her head.

“no! wolf? wolf! you’re joking,” she scoffed out quickly watching as rogue kept a straight face which only made her go on more,”—have you not listened to anything your best friends just been screaming about for the past thirty minutes!?”

the room fell silent as rogue pouted, holding out the ears for y/n to take.

“y/n! please, nobody will care. it’s not even about him!”

her words only annoyed y/n more as she went to talk but rogue instantly shushed, placing her finger to her lips as y/n edged back.

“cmon! you’re my best friend and i need you on this. it’s going to be hot! think of that.” rogue dragged out with a sly smile as she kept the cat, wolf, ears for y/n out to grab still waving them about impatiently.

“i know you’re going to say yes.” she rolled out as she took in the way y/n was looking at her. y/n swallowing her pride before she snapped the ears out her grip.

“fuck you.” y/n let slip as rogue cheekily smiled in return, “you wish.”

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

after that entire ordeal y/n slipped out of rogue’s company to join in with training, walking down the halls and towards the elevator being enough alone time for her as the second she was left alone with her thoughts she was right back on overthinking every single thing about logan and herself. her mind tracking back to what scott had recalled to her and how he mustn’t have been saying the entire truth to her because why else was logan being like this for? so distant, it just made y/n wanna dissect every inch of logan or scott’s mind and get to the bottom of it. that’d be easier then all this pondering.

and in training it showed how y/n was off it, her slacking in every way possible which immediately let scott know how much she was affected by the logan situation today. as they both got ‘killed’ from the training exercise they were doing which made the two of them sit over by the sidelines whilst they’d have to watch the others. y/n mind currently lingering on the one word logan had said to her in the past span of the past four days. a blunt, ‘move’ which he said right before the hologram off a training robot was about to kill her and the second she moved and he had ‘sorted” it out he walked off like she was never anything to him and he didn’t look back once or say another word.

it hurt her too the bone and the list of questions she had was never ending now, the aching feeling worsening per second in the same room as him as her eyes wondered on him as she watched as he trained.

scott looking at how deep in thought she was making his own heart hurt as he felt the guilt rise in his, for not addressing logan and how she must’ve been feeling. the tension coating through y/n at a high point as scott got the courage to speak and break the looming silence.

“finally that’s over.” scott scoffed out lowly which brung y/n out the staring contest she was having with the floor as she sighed at scott’s words, giving him a nod in return as she slouched back a little. scott noticing her somewhat closeness as he placed his arm around her, trying to be a comfort, as she leaned against his touch almost instantly. her head falling down to rest on his shoulder as she felt the weights of her emotions falter a bit at scott’s comforting touch.

something she’d almost started to get used to within the past couple days since those swings had become a meeting place for them late at night, if they wanted to rant.. or couldn’t sleep, they’d go there and talk. last night it was for a good hour or two, maybe three.

“i just wanna go to sleep.” y/n brung herself to speak up, her voice hoarse as scott sighed with her words. his touch tightening on her yet his grip was still as soft as ever as he placed his chin against her forehead.

“rough day?” scott asked quietly, his voice slipping out lowly into her ear as y/n nodded against his touch.

“rogues making me be a wolf for the party.” she cursed out.

“god.” scott chuckled out, finding that stupid and horrible at the same time as he moved his hand up and down y/n’s shoulder as his eyes lingered on the training scene that was soon to being over. scott catching logan’s cold gaze for a moment before logan looked away with a stern look on his face like usual.

scott ignoring it as he spoke up, “you should’ve done the group costume with me. padme suits you.”

“i wish i did but i can’t now bobby’s not going and rogues relying on me. it’s stupid.” y/n shuddered out, her voice low as she felt annoyed at the thought.

“i know.” scott replied, shifting his body slightly closer to her owns. “swings again tonight?”

he asked softly, y/n nodding against him as she was about to speak up when the hologram switched off. her eyes adjusting to the blue large room that dawned on her as scott leaned back, keeping his hand around her as she slipped back into his grip as she leant up — her eyes watching logan’s from across the room, as that feeling arised in her chest.

“i say go trap him.” scott spoke up which made her jump out little staring contest she was having with him as she moved her gaze onto scott, shaking her head plainly.

“i don’t even know if i wanna speak to him after how cold he’s been, he’s a hairy prick.” y/n cursed out under her breath as scott laughed.

“that’s bull and you know it.” scott spoke, knowing y/n all too well as he nudged her. “go.”

“it’s not like i even want him anymore. i just wanna scream at him for hurting you and being such a cunt.” y/n half lied out, her voice harsher at the thought of getting to speak to him, as she held back what else she wanted to say and stuck with that idea to keep her sanity as strong as it could be. scott not commenting on what she said despite how badly he knew it to not be the truth as he gave her a little smile, the low laugh escaping his lips making her take a deep breath in.

“go do it. i’ll deal with the others so you two are alone.” scott rolled out as he tapped her shoulder to get her up which made a chill rush through her body as she swallowed her pride as she brung her eyes onto scott’s.

the smile on his lips convincing her to do it enough as she let the words escape her lips, “fine.”

with her words scott smiled as he let his hand around y/n’s shoulder drop, “go!” he ushered out as y/n rolled her eyes as she stood up and started to walk over to where logan was.

“thank me later.” scott called out to her before he got up himself , walking over to storm and hank who were in conversation with jean who were walking out the room. the perfect scenario.

scott’s eyes peaking back as he was about to leave the room with the others as he saw logan searching through his jacket , scott taking in y/n walking over strongly.

scott meeting y/n’s gaze as she looked back to him giving her a nod before he disappeared out the door with the others. which left y/n and logan in complete silence in the room as y/n watched as logan grabbed a cigar out his coat pocket after putting it on, her swallowing as she noted how he definitely didn’t notice she was still in here.

that fact just making her brain a little fuzzy as she pulled the courage to put her tough demeanour on, swallowing the heartache as she leaned against the wall next to him. logan’s eyes tearing onto hers at the movement he heard as he took in her appearance which haulted him lighting cigar and immediately haunted him. his eyes cascading over her body as he roughly swallowed before his gaze met her harsh, narrowed, eyes.

“you’ve been ignoring me.” y/n spoke out which completely captured his attention as her eyes didn’t leave his for a moment. the eye contact she was getting from him making her weak in every way but she kept herself strong, her eyes narrowed onto him as she watched as he raised an eyebrow at her words as he lit his cigar, taking a hit before he scoffed as the smoke left his lips, filling the room.

“no i haven’t.” he gruffly let out as he brung his gaze away from her as he started to walk off, past her. y/n scoffing as she went after him, taking a step in front of him to stop him going any further as his throat tightened at her action. his eyes falling back down to her own.

“im pretty sure you have.” y/n replied back stubbornly as he raised an eyebrow at her words, scoffing once again. the tension in the room completely shifted even to a heaviness that she hadn’t experienced before with him.

“mm—well you’ve been pretty busy with scott i didn’t think you’d notice too much.” logan rolled out harshly, his voice low and hoarse which sent a chill through y/n’s body as the weight off his words sunk in. her eyes widening as she instantly shook her head, tutting as she took in what the petty bastard just said as she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat back down.

“and what the hell is that supposed to mean?” y/n quickly replied, her anger only rising at what he had said as she couldn’t believe what he had just told her. the words from him being slightly shocking as she took in the look that crossed his face as he shrugged his shoulders.

“you tell me sweetheart.” he growled out before he pushed past her, y/n’s mouth falling agap at his words as she sighed heavily. his words ringing in her head as she gulped. teleporting so she was in front of him which stopped him right as he was about to leave the door which made him jump a little. cigar smoke leaving his lips and going right into her face as he coughed out of surprise off her being there, being caught off guard by her action as she stayed frozen in place in front of himas she stepped forward thinking that would result in him stepping back. but it didn’t.

her holding back the urge to quiver back due to the closeness as she worked up the courage to speak, her eyes locked onto his as she lowly spoke up, “you hurt him.”

“who wouldn’t?” logan replied back gruffly, his jaw clenched as he almost laughed at the patheticness of what she had stated, the way she was trying to defend him making him feel a number of ways about the situation.

his words only angered y/n heavily as she kept her eyes narrowed onto his, questions running through her mind as she tried to keep her composure up as if the distance wasn’t killing hers inside. her breath hitching as his words caused her anger to rise as she took in just how rude he was being, this making her emotions grow inside of her breath brushed against his neck as she looked up at him. her heart stinging and she swore her eyes were too as she roughly swallowed, feeling her heartbeat in her ears as she bit down her pride and quickly spoke.

“did i do something?” she managed to say — her voice almost breaking at just that hint of hurt in her voice tore logan’s eyes away from her as those words fell into the air as she didn’t tare her eyes away from him once. seeing the way his face changed as she could hear his heartbeat crazily pumping and if she really thought close with her powers she could read his every though right now and that’d help her understand what he was feeling but she couldn’t do that to him ever. herself being mesmerised by the way his eyes looked as if they were watering as she added out, “you haven’t spoke to me in four days logan.”

her words met the air harshly as logan swallowed roughly as he took a rough inhale of his cigar in retaliation to what she had just said, looking to y/n coldly as he bit down all the emotion he was suppressing as he exhaled after. the silence deafening as she waited for anything, any answer. his face not giving anything away.

her searched his own as the silence grew before he eventually spoke up, which made everything worse.

“yeah and for good reason.” he replied lowly, y/n’s eyebrows twitching as she kept her gaze on his holding back a yell and the urge to punch him.

his harshness was enough to ruin her completely as she bit down on the inside of her cheek as she spoke up lowly, “and what is that?” y/n’s question failing to bring any peace to the two of them as logan grew angrier as he bit the bullet and quickly spoke up.

“ask scott since you care about him so much suddenly.” logan cursed out under his breath as he leaned over her and opened the door up, going to push past her.

“you’re fucking joking right?” she quickly said — the weight off his words hitting he as she placed her hand against his chest to stop him from moving anymore which just made his anger stronger as she roughly shoved him back. not meaning to that but it happened, his eyebrows raising at her action.

“watch it..” he said harshly, his voice gruff as he put out his half finished cigar against his skin, holding back any sign of hurt as he placed the rest off it back into his pocket. y/n studying every inch of his face with anger the only emotion showcased on hers as his eyes felt like they were taunting her.

her words coming out so quickly due to her growing annoyance, anger and hurt over the situation she couldn’t help herself, “maybe you should watch it since you can’t stop sleeping with someone that was engaged a good four days ago.”

the words that escaped her lips pushed logan to an extreme as his anger bursted as he felt all that pent up emotion he’d been hiding scream and claw its way out as he roughly grabbed her, pushing her against the wall harshly with a loud thud as his hand roughly wrapped round her throat.

“she was engaged to a cunt.” logan growled out, y/n seeing how seething he was as her breath hitched at their closeness. his grip only tightening on her neck as she held back any whimpers threatening to escape her lips as she kept her eyes locked onto his own, feeling his body pressed against her own as the heat rose between them.

“you do know if she cheated on him she’d cheat on you happily.” y/n harshly muttered out, her breath slightly hitched due to how harshly he was holding her against the wall. her words only pissing him off more as he stared her down, his fingers digging into her skin.

“you’ve just been aching to say something like that haven’t you? you hate her.” logan said rudely, his grip on y/n’s throat still heavy so much that it would defintely bruise. the closeness sending her body into a mixed frenzy as she grew angrier at everything he said. the tension in the air suffocating her. “you always have.” he spit out rudely.

“and whys that?” logan trailed out before giving y/n a chance to respond, his voice teasing as if he knew the answer already. his tone making her feelings worse as she couldn’t move her eyes away from him as she was close to practically gasping for air already due to how harshly he had her.

y/n roughly swallowed, logan’s hands tightly gripping her throat making all her feelings worse as she found the words, “i’m pretty sure scott’s told you something that could be a factor.” she cursed out sarcastically. his eyes darkening as she studied every inch of his expression.

he narrowed his eyes at her words his anger radiating off him as he kept his grip on her, biting down on his lip at her words as his eyes didn’t leave hers for a second. y/n reading all sort of emotions within them as the tension swallowed her whole. feelings she’d never felt before cowering through her as she couldn’t move an inch, practically frozen.

“that prick told me a whole lot of nothing.” logan harshly let out as y/n raised an eyebrow at his words, his hand on her throat slipping a little as his anger seethed as he spoke again no matter how much he didn’t want too say it.

“apparently you could’ve been hurt.” he spit out like it was venom, y/n’s eyes leaving his for a second at his words as she swallowed roughly. her action annoying logan senseless as her moved his hand roughly to her jaw, turning her face to look back up at him. her breath hitching at his action.

“so you were?” he casted out, his gaze not leaving hers for a second as his harsh eyes took all of her in.

“by what?—you and jean?” y/n mustered out harshly, his grip falling right back to her throat at the stupidness of her words as his grip was ten times tighter then it was before. y/n having never seen this harshness from him before, and to say she didn’t like it would be a lie.

“jesus don’t play dumb with me kid.” he shook out harshly, his words another level of harsh as heat flooded her body as he pushed himself closer to her as she was roughly held against the wall.

“what if i was?” y/n scoffed out seeing the flash off weakness in logan’s eyes before he swallowed, a scoff escaping his lips as the tightness around her neck loosened as she caught her breath.

it was like there was something working in brain as the words sunk in, y/n watching as he swallowed once again. moving his gaze away before roughly shaking his head, his hand slipping off her throat but the closeness was still there as he looked back to her. almost fighting with himself and y/n could read that all over his face.

“you’d be stupid because i love jean.” he grunted out coldly as his words hit her harshly as she tried to fight that feeling rising in her as she brung herself to nod, swallowing those words she so wanted to scream in his face right now.

“i know.” y/n spoke out lowly, not bringing herself to deny his words or even state anything about them regarding her as she felt the feelings of hurt take over her, her observing a hint of hurt in logan’s eyes as she felt the hole in her grow twenty million times bigger as she watched him take a step back— y/n biting down the emotions threatening to show as she looked at him. the tightness feeling still around her neck despite his touch no longer being present, something right now she was craving.

the air was thick with tension as y/n swallowed, not being able to look away from him, as she could see the look on his face. one of practical knowing, he could read through her half assed words.

“so why the hell did you ignore me for?” y/n roughly asked him as she changed the topic slightly, gaining control of her hitched voice again which was hoarse due to how logan had just been holding her throat. her voice enlaced with anger as she stared down at logan, him tearing his gaze away before shaking his head as he tried to form the words as he met her gaze again.

“you just—don’t—look i didn’t want to hurt you kid.” logan ushered out, y/n getting an idea of exactly what he meant by those words as she swallowed roughly as she fought to keep her gaze on him. the weight in the air horrible as the tension had switched to this sense of nervousness and awkwardness between them.

“you ignoring me hurt me.” y/n said harshly as logan swallowed as he teared his eyes away from y/n as he stepped back.

“i didn’t mean too.” he rolled out, fighting with the urge to do many things he just couldn’t as he looked over her. shaking the thoughts out his brain as he took in the look of hurt on her face, she wasn’t hiding well.

“sure.” y/n almost whispered out , the room falling silent as logan scoffed roughly at her words before shaking his head in retaliation as he then pressed the button to open the door, almost in a hissy fit as y/n’s eyebrows raised at his action.. “logan—“ she called out as he immediately left at her words as she went right after him without another thought.

“logan! wa-“ she called out, cutting off her own words and stopping in her tracks once she saw him standing in the hallway frozen. her gaze stuck on him until she observed where he was looking and followed his eyes until she landed on scott at the end of the hall, immediately swallowing roughly as logan’s eyes were locked onto his. the harshness present in his gaze and scott’s too as logan brung his dark gaze onto her.

y/n’s mind doing a huge spin as logan’s face held a cruel expression on it as he saw who was waiting for her, it being like another switch had flipped within him as y/n observed his jaw clenching and him biting down on his cheek as their eyes were on each other.

“think your boyfriends waiting for you bub.” logan muffled out rudely, his voice hoarse as he moved his gaze back onto scott giving him ome last glare before turning on his heel without another word and dissappearing down the hall. y/n scoffing at his words as she swallowed, debating going after him but her thoughts were stopped when she realised scott walking over to her.

“that didn’t go so well then?” scott commented softly, his eyes meeting her own as she shook her head straight away. the smile that was on his face dropping as he let out a harsh breath.

“not one bit.” y/n whispered out as scott gave her a sad smile, wrapping his arm round her side as the two started to walk down to the elevator.

y/n completely unbeknownst to the fact that logan watched as the two walked away, scott’s hand around her waist a burning picture in logan’s mind for the rest of the day as the anger inside him grew. his heart longing for something he couldn’t even mutter to his own brain out of fear for his strong the feeling was.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

halloween had come and you wished it hadn’t. your usual favourite season been replaced with all this shit stirring inside you to the point when it come round you didn’t even know if you could even be bothered to go to the party but you knew you had no choice which is why once you started to get ready you and rogue pregamed secretly, her having got bobby to bring some alcohol for you two as a constellation prize for him not being able to come which he did of course.. he did practically everything she asked and seeing them so in love made you sick half the time no matter how happy you were for rogue it did just remind you of your own lack of love.

tonight the liquor burnt your throat harshly to another extreme and the second you started you wished you never but there was no going back — your feelings being swept under the rug as you and rogue finished your drinks as the two of you got ready. her doing your makeup as you hummed to the music playing on her speakers which drowned out the growing noise of the party downstairs as your mind swirled over logan and scott, who had ended up asking you to go with him to this party which you of course said yes too, whilst rogue tried her best to take your mind off it.

not that it was working the slightest bit. rogue knew about the argument — she had heard the story a good six or seven times since it happened two days ago and she couldn’t even comprehend it let alone you. ‘team scott’ was what she had been saying for the first remainder of the night whenever you spoke about it which now just made you shut up about it because you couldn’t think straight when scott’s name was in the mix.

the anguish and hurt that had been displayed on your face for the past two days disappearing by the more you drunk. feeling more carefree by the moment as you and rogue eventually made your way down to the party.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the party so far was a drunken mess from everyone around y/n as she locked eyes with logan for what felt like the 30th time in the past hour or so from the other side of the crowded living room. y/n roughly swallowing once their eyes met with his captivating gaze never dropping or leaving her own for a second and it had felt like that for the entire night despite his hand that was plainly wrapped around jean’s waist as they talked with wade and vanessa. y/n’s nose scrunching up as she observed that once again before she turned away burying her lips within another glass as she took a generous sip of the drink scott had got her.

rogue being in conversation with pyro who was playing with the hem of her shirt, y/n close to butting in just to make sure rogue was good because she knew how quickly she got drunk but she cut off with scott’s voice as he leaned over to her. his hand wrapping around her shoulder as he pulled her closer to her, the drunkness evident within him as every single time y/n saw him drink he seemed to get 10x more clingy.

“shall—we, shots?” scott rolled out as y/n met his gaze, a smile joining her lips at his drunk mess as she couldn’t help chuckle as he pulled her even closer to him to the point she was practically edging to be sat on him.

“we’re both far gone already.” y/n stammered out as scott couldn’t help a cheeky grin join on his lips as his hand stayed around her waist, his eyes focused up on her and his eyes were so heavily resembling a cute puppy dog through his visor she couldn’t stop the little blush coating her cheeks. her feelings amplified by the alcohol.

“cmon i’ve never seen you back down.” scott teased out, his voice a low and slurred whisper as y/n took in his words, them making her feel a number of things as she couldn’t stop herself from leaning over him as she grabbed two shots from the tray on the coffee table.

“it’s your fault if i start dancing in a minute.”

“oh, like dirty dancing?” scott referenced as he quipped his eyebrow up, y/n laughing at his words as she felt his eyes burning into her as she took the shot. y/n placing her shot back down on the table once she swallowed it as she looked back to scott, seeing how he hadn’t torn his eyes away from her, the shot still full in his hand as his eyes were focused on y/n as she smiled down at him, his hand keeping her close to him as she felt something inside her growing.

“mm definitely.” y/n chimed out as scott couldn’t hide the smirk that grew on his lips at the thought.

“good.” he said deeply as he took the shot right after speaking. y/n finding her mind a mess with his words as she moved her eyes back to the corner where logan was seeing him standing there, eyes narrowed on her but before the eye contact couldnt go prolonged for any moment longer as hank slid into the empty space in the sofa next to them between rogue and pyro who were clearly shitfaced already which captured y/n’s attention.

“where is my sanity?” hank rolled out as he sighed as he sunk into the sofa, y/n looking his costume up and down as she raised an eyebrow over it. scott leaning over y/n to see what he was, a smile on his lips as he saw it.

“frankestine you lost that many years ago.” y/n rolled out as hank gave her a look, scott laughing as it was the funniest thing she had said in the world as she could feel herself get daggers from across the crowded room. her swallowing as hank dug his own little grave into the sofa as she grabbed another shot as scott leaned back into the sofa, y/n unsubconciously leaning against his touch after putting the now empty shot glass on the table after downing it like it was water.

“yeah and what the hell are you?” hank casted out right before wade butted in.

“she’s wolverine if he was sexier and underage.” wade said lowly, giving y/n a little head bop with his hand as he made hank move over, wade sliding in next to y/n as scott scoffed at what he said as wades eyes dawned on scott.

“god you two move on quick.” he tumbled out, y/n shoving him in his side at his words as he fake winced in pain. hank rolling his eyes as he looked to scott and y/n.

“no! but you do make a good couple.” hank said tipsily as y/n felt her face going red as scott glanced over at her overviewing that sight as he felt a certain feeling grow in him at the knowledge. that familiar ache within her getting harder to have to deal with now as she pushed it down with another shot, scott sighing as she did so as he shot wade and hank a look which his drunkness made more obvious.

“yeah—quit it guys.” scott said lowly despite how he really felt about it as y/n leaned back into his touch, the closeness limiting her thoughts as scott brung his eyes over to hank only to be cut off with logan’s gaze from across the room.

logan’s eyes permanently dented onto scott as he sensed the anger radiating off him from across the room, scott having to cancel out the vision of jean right next to him trying to grab logan’s attention as he swallowed roughly with this making his grip on y/n tighter as he moved his eyes to hank. a sly smile on his lips as he could sense his rage from across the room which only got worse, that feeling making him feel good as if he forgot about jean being over there.

“frankie with the glasses got a point.” wade said swiftly as he dug into his pockets as scott sighed as y/n sent him a soft smile to let him know it was fine as hank decided to drown his emotions into the bottom of his glass. halloween music blaring through the speakers that nearly everyone in the room was dancing too, wade humming to himself as he brung something out his pocket.

“cocaine anyone?” he brushed out off the tongue as if it was nothing, y/n’s eyes widening a little at her friends habit as she felt her heart skip a beat as she looked over to wade as rogue leaned over hank with a raised eyebrow to see what was going on, her clearly judging him as y/n couldn’t help ponder over it for a second. but before she could even voice her little curiosity that wade could tell just from how she was looking at him she had the sound of the one guy she had been hating for the past two days, more like week, and who had been avoiding her like she was striker spoke up.

“put that shit away wade there’s kids at this party.” logan’s voice harshly let out which knocked y/n’s heart down a view pegs as she looked up to meet his gaze. his cold eyes not looking to her once as she noticed how focused he was on wade as his jaw clenched.

“wow you were watching me like hawkeye!” wade rolled out, “or too busy gawking at y/n still?” he said which installed an instant tension between the joint group as y/n swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat at wades blatant stupidness.

logan didn’t even buy into the shit he was saying, eyes narrowed on wade as he took a step closer to him past the coffee table as if that was a threat wade would notice or care about, “there are kids at this party wade. put it away.” logan followed out roughly, anger growing within him as he glanced over to y/n. their eyes meeting as his eyes lingered on her as he took in the way scott was sitting so close to her as if she was his to protect.

wade tutted at logan’s words as he raised an eyebrow at what he said, “it’s sixteen up peanut and they’re all doing this in the bathroom anyway aren’t they y/n?” wade waved away at you, “go on,go check with your mind.” wade said cockily towards you as he paused for dramatic effect as logan’s gaze narrowed even more on wade as he spoke up again as he looked back to logan, “see they are! loosen up cowboy.”

logan tutting as his gaze met y/n’s own before he looked back to wade, swallowing harshly.

“wade.” he growled out roughly, logan not letting his eyes move off wade’s for a second as y/n could see the anger deeply rooted on his face. scott scoffing as he decided to get involved.

“wade just take it somewhere else.” scott managed out, y/n’s eyes moving to his as his words hit the air as wade snorted in reply, a low laugh leaving his lips as scott was staring at logan. the uncomfortably in the situation rising so much y/n didn’t realise pyro and rogue sneak off together.

“i don’t need your back up.” logan scoffed out harshly, crossing his arms as he kept his gaze on wade not even tearing his eyes to scott. y/n finding his maturity ,lack there off, stupid as scott held back a sigh at his words as he kept his arm around y/n, deciding that was all needed to piss logan off right now as he didn’t even want to make a comment back or even have the energy too.

“this rooms full of adults.” wade chimed out, logan’s anger growing.

“wade— just fucking—“ logan started out only to be cut off by y/n’s voice.

“drop it logan.” y/n rolled out which made logan’s eyes fall down to her, seeing her all snuggly with scott making him another level of pissed off as he raised an eyebrow at her words.

“what? you joining wade?” logan growled out, his voice harsh and rude as y/n swallowed. scott going to butt in as wade observed what was going on, a sly smile growing on his lips as y/n spoke before scott got the chance too.

“just drop it. you heard wade.” y/n said back harshly to him which made logan tutt as he didn’t look away from y/n at all.

“sure i heard wade and i know you aren’t a fucking adult.” he bit out harshly, making y/n feeling a number of things as scott jumped in, “don’t talk to her like that.” he said harshly, logan’s eyebrows raising at scott’s words as he took in scott, looking y/n and him up and down before he bit down on his tongue. his anger having been raised by wade and now it was only getting worse

“or what? i’m pretty sure she can stand up for herself.” logan replied harshly which made scott’s anger rise within him as y/n got inbetween their words. hank and wade watching the three of them like it was a reality tv show.

“logan stop it.” she ushered out quickly, giving him a cold look as he met her gaze as the two stared at eachother, him not backing down for a second as she fixated her gaze on him. her heart unsteady at this prolonged harshness he had for her.

“is that all you can say kid?” logan scoffed out angrily which made y/n swallow harshly as scott’s grip tightened on her in a way of attempted comfort that right now was just making it worse. the pressure immense as wade’s eyes fell between y/n and logan. seeing how y/n was taking it, seeing through the demeanour. he could practically see her snapping. breaking.

“no. you’re an asshole and i’m not a kid, so leave it and fuck off too jean will you?” y/n shapped out harshly, her words coming out strongly as all three of them on the sofa amongst her didn’t expect those words to come out her mouth, wade’s mouth falling agap as did hank’s as they tried to hide the shocked expression overtaking their faces as scott swallowed harshly.

the tension risen as logan’s voice was as he immediately came back at her, “you’re a little baby compared to everyone here and you know that, also you don’t get a fucking right to talk about jean.” his harsh words were like a knife to the side as y/n laughed at what he said as scott held back the urge to speak up when logan mentioned jean’s name, it just being a habit he had, as y/n kept her eyes up on logan as she swallowed down her feelings. anger being the only thing prominent in her brain for him currently.

“okay maybe you guys should take this somewhere else.” hank trailed off, sensing the seriousness of the conversation and defintely being able to hear the feelings enlaced within both their words as wade hushed him.

“no, no i just need to get my popcorn. keep going!” wade tumbled out which made y/n turn to look at him with a harsh look, wade seeing the emotion in her eyes as she left his gaze and she searched the sofa for rogue. it just being hank and wade right where rogue and pyro once were sat.

“where th—“ she stopped herself from finishing as she realised the stupidness off her words before she quickly remarked, “you’re an asshole.” to logan as she quickly got up, scott’s hand falling off her waist as she stood up as she got face to face with logan instantly walking right past him and disappearing into the crowd.

“see what you did!” scott cursed out as he tutted, going to stand up to get her when logan instantly stood in front of him. placing his hand over his chest as he pushed him back down.

“stay.” logan said strongly before he gave wade and hank a look before disappearing right after her.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n turned as many corners as she could as her mind become even off a spinning mess as she made her way out to the courtyard where it was completely pissing it down but she couldn’t care less in the moment, just needing air and a break to recollect her thoughts, as she tumbled down the steps. her heart aching as she heard the door slam shut a few seconds later after she had left them. soon the faint sound of footsteps following her making her feel a number of things as she heard nothing him call after her. “where the hell are you going?” logan yelled out after her as she kept on walking, him running after her and eventually catching up to her.

catching his breath as he roughly grabbed her wrist to make her stop in in the middle of the field as he turned her around to meet his gaze, her breath noticing as it felt like her world stopped at that touch as she couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes.

“y/n.” he quickly let out with a raised voice so she could hear him over the pouring rain, the two of them getting drenched under the dark skies as she kept her gaze on him. trying to shake his hand off her own but he didn’t budge one bit.

“y/n!” he called back out when she didn’t answer — trying to grab her attention as he fought her way to finally look at him, swallowing a lump that was in her throat as their eyes met.

“what logan! what do you want? you’ve been nothing but cold and rude to me for a week and after what you just said to me there and what you said last time we spoke i don’t exactly wanna speak to you! so let go off me—“ y/n shouted out to him, her breath hitting a little as her voice broke a little as her confusing and distressing emotions got the best of her as they started to slip out.

logan’s breath hitched completely at her words as he grew more frustrated, “fuck, y/n! i —“ he cut himself off, moving his hand off her as he moved his hand through his hair in a stressful manner, not wanting to be sensitive at all but he could feel it all coming out as she felt her heart break as he took a step back. his shaky voice just being a reminder of everything he’s said before and how horrible he’s been recently, but it also reminded her off the man she thought she loved.

“what? logan? what!” she stammered right back out, her breath hitched as he looked at her. his mouth agap as he was fighting for the words. “i—“

“you what? you hate me? because good! i hate you too.” y/n tumbled out before turning on her heel, logan’s heart in his chest as he watched her as she started to walk away, just being able to make her out as the rain started to pour even harder. the chill down his back snapping him to reality as he quickly screamed back at her.

“y/n! for fucks sake, i’m in love with you!” he called back at her, his voice raised as he screamed that for her to hear through the loud harsh rain. y/n pausing in her tracks as his words hit her like a tidal wave.

her breath growing uncontrollable as she felt her chest rising, swallowing before she slowly turned back to meet his eyes. the distance vast between them as the rain filled her vision but she could see him, the rain pouring down on her face only making her emotions worse as she swallowed.

“what?” she yelled back at him, her voice shaking as she heard him curse under her breath.

“i’m petrified, y/n i’m fucking petrified because i love you so much it hurts.” he quaked out, his voice raising as his breathing became ragged and uneven, his body practically trembling under the coldness of the rain as he looked at her.

“logan—“

“no— don’t say anything else. just listen to me.” logan quickly spoke, taking steps over to y/n until he was a mere few inches away. her eyes dawning up on him as she swallowed roughly, her mind a mess.

“i get scared okay? i got scared because you, you’re everything. i got scared when i knew you felt the way i did i didn’t know how to deal with it. i don’t want to hurt you, i can’t. it’d break me in every way there is.” he rambles out strongly, “and i don’t love jean—i can’t when you exist.” he finished out, his words meaning everything as y/n kept her gaze on him.

her breath shaking at his confession as she looked at him wide eyed, his words hanging in the air as a thick silence grew. y/n taking in everything about logan’s face, the way he looked at her as she tried to wrack her thoughts around what she had just heard. questions falling through her brain as her mouth opened to speak, trying to find the words but instead of words she was met with logan’s lips against her own.

his hands falling around her waist as he pulled her to him softly, the roughness missing within this warm embrace as his kiss was full of desire and passion, the heated kiss making her feel a mixture of emotions as she let him take control of it. her body shaking due to the warmth from his body and the coldness from the rain soaking them as y/n’s drunken mind was lingering on one guy snd she couldn’t bring herself to admit who it was, not right now. her breath shaky as logan’s other hand fell down to her waist as he pulled her closer to him, her hand cupping his cheek as she kissed him back strongly.

the kiss growing more heated as he roughly bit down on her lip, a low whimper escaping her lip at his action as he groaned at just the way she sounded against him as he fought for dominance. the heat rushing between them as he pulled her as close as he could, wanting to taste every inch of her lips. her breath shaky as logan and her eventually pulled away from the kiss — his eyes falling down on hers as so much need for her was within his gaze as y/n looked up at him, her lips feeling swollen as she swallowed anxiously.

her not even able to say anything back or move, her body frozen as everything she had been fantasying about for the past year had just happened right there. and she didn’t know if it felt right or not.

she knew she loved him, she had for years, but as she looked at him now it was completely different.

and she couldn’t help but wonder why that heart ache she thought was down to logan was still present within her and no matter what she wanted to believe she knew deep down that she had fell so quickly and easily for someone else that standing here in front of logan the main feeling she had was guilt for kissing him back.